#never thought that dude would have something like that

[lostintransist]

Divorcing John Price | Reddit Replies

AITA Part 1

I read through some of the responses from my moment of weakness. I shouldn’t have posted to Reddit of all places but dammit I couldn’t talk to anyone about this. My therapist knew but watching her lock down her muscles all I could see was the ‘don’t react, don’t react, don’t react’ screaming through her mind as I dropped the news on her. Objective would be the only kind of conversation I got from her.

“Is there anything he can do or change that would make you want to stay?”

“Have you thought about couples therapy?”

“Let’s check in, is there any part of you that doesn’t want this?”

Telling any of my friends before I told John felt dishonest and shameful, apparently telling the entirety of AITA forum didn’t hit that same bell though. I don’t plan on replying to anyone, but answer them in my head anyway.

Reddit user/veto58468731247

Dude…are you okay?

Heh, I guess? Finding the choices I made at twenty don’t fit as well in my thirties.

Reddit user/ Vanta (say happy cake day)

Have you thought about talking to him? Maybe if you talk with him and let him know you can start a trail of actions and therapy to show you at least tried. IDK 🤷🏾‍♀️ I also think maybe he married you as a beard of you think he is too friendly with the guys he works with. Have you heard of a lavender marriage?

Well, damn. A lavender marriage wouldn’t be that bad. I would want my own money though, need it. I can’t keep up the tap dance of toeing the line between keeping him happy and making sure I can live and enjoy my life. It would have to be a friendship kind of relationship and not a marriage. A friendship means I can go ahead without having to check on things that truly don’t matter to me but will cause stress if mess with. That would be the only way that I could keep going like I have been. I never had a chance to be a dumb twenty-something; the idea of kissing a girl doesn’t light a spark but I want to try you know? Just to see.

Reddit user/ NotReallyDumb:

Poor guy. This is why men should be careful about who they get pregnant. His wife is complaining about being a fucking housewife.

The slow blink that I can’t stop reading this one pairs nicely with the block button. Making sweeping statements about a situation you only know the grievances about will never be helpful for anyone. Like why the fuck would the jerk type that out? ‘NotReallyDumb’ seems really dumb.

Reddit user/ DontDropTheSoap:

Is this who I think it is? Is John [redacted] who I think it is? 👀👀👀

This one got a reply. I shouldn’t have, but if any of his men were sleeping with him and smiling in your face? That roiled in my chest like a hurricane at sea.

I don’t know, Soap, [please read this with a popping of the p]. Why don’t you schedule lunch with the wife of who you think this is and we can compare notes.

I pop the p on Soap at least once every time I see him. Tiny bits bring me joy.

Reddit user/ therapyisforsuckersandassholes

Husband must not be a real man if he can’t do more than crash after coming home from work.

First off, asshole, my husband does crazy hard work and him collapsing into himself wouldn’t be a problem if he could pull himself out of the funk for anything except his men. If I was important to him, if the kids held a higher hold on his heart, he would at least try for us.

Mentally replying to this one caught me in the neck. Tears started without my permission. That was it. The big issue. John would always find the energy to save his men from anything, but couldn’t find the will to schedule a babysitter or take me on a date. He commanded men all day, a captain. But one annoyed sigh from his strong-willed wife and he crumbled. Fucker needed to step up or step out because I couldn’t hold this teeter-totter still much longer.

Reddit user/sharingcaringandassstuff

Do you have a job hun? It sounds like you’re gonna be needing one soon if not.

Not a full-time gig, no, but soon the kids will all be in school and I can swing getting job that pays more and has more h. I’ve been using John’s pay to clear the debt that hasn’t yet been wiped away. While you want the house I won’t fight him for it. I would happily find somewhere to sleep during the weeks he is home and with the kids. Honestly, keeping it for them would be the best option in my opinion.

Reddit user/8675309999971

Does your husband do anything?

Both too much and not enough. Therapist said he sounded avoidant and that if he can’t face the ninety seconds it would take for his brain to stop throwing panic why would I want to keep trying for this marriage? Can’t I step back and keep him as a co-parent instead of drowning under the weight of my own unmet needs?

Three days later a text from John’s sergeant, Soap, with an offer to go to grab lunch solidifies the fact I cannot stay as I am.

Drafting the options takes several days. There it sits in stark black and white, the end of what we were and the beginning of what we could be.

If he chooses divorce, I won’t ask for alimony. I will fight tooth and nail to be the primary custodian of our children though. Between his job and his long absences, any well-educated person could see that child support payments would be cheaper than a nanny.

However, if he chooses a lavender marriage I want him out of the main bedroom. I get two days free every month to do whatever the hell I want while he gets to be home with the kids. I will treat this legal agreement exactly like what it is. A legal agreement. The thing about contracts is they can be updated, adjusted, changed, if both parties agree.

John will balk, but the man had ten-plus years to buck up and try for something different. I’m not waiting on his inconsistent timing anymore.

Masterlist | Taglist

Shout out to @miss-vanta-likes-to-write and @skeletonsucker for helping me with the reddit replies 😘

[bigmacari]

Hii hiii!

I see you’re taking requests!!

Can I please request something with the Hanks from date everything? They’re one of my favorites and sadly there’s not really much to read yet 💔

fem or Gn reader please (whichever you want to write)

Maybe they get hurt while doing some tricks with the Hanks? nothing major maybe at worst a broken ankle or something? (Specifics don’t matter to me)

And the hanks kinda freak out about it? And reader is like ‘guys chill it’s fine’

Romantic please 🙏 these guys are soo cute!!

I usually don’t request stuff so lmk if I worded anything wrong!! Thank you!!

꧁ ༺ ── ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ── ༻ ꧂

Hank(s) x Injuried Reader

☆ You get injuried and your himbo boyfriends wanna take care of you!

☆Warning(s) Blood and injury.

☆Author Note(s) Horribly short, but this was interesting to write. I've never done so many people in one fic before.

꧁ ༺ ── ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ── ༻ ꧂

All you want to do is hang with your favorite himbos and have a good time. Maybe chase this ‘gnarly’ feeling that the Hanks speaks so highly on. Unfortunately, you're clumsy, and not all that athletic, (which reminded you of the abandoned work out room just up stairs.)

Though, you suppose you can’t all blame it on yourself, it was your first time ‘Hank Gliding’, you just didn’t think it would with you smashing into a wall.

You groan as you sit up, reaching a hand up to your forehead, feeling a massive headache coming on. A few milliseconds later, you feel a drip of something run down your lips and then your chin. It turns out, your nose was bleeding profusely. You wonder if you had broke it, then you wonder how much a hospital trip would be, that alone makes you groan.

Suddenly, you hear a group of foot steps running towards you, pulling you out of your medical bill thoughts. Before you know it, the Hanks were surrounding your hurt form.

“I highkey thought you were gonna go through the wall dude!”

“I told you this was dangerous…”

“Should’ve crashed into me babe!”

“Woah broski! That was a gnarly crash you took!”

“Hold up! I gotcha!”

You feel one of the boys pick you up in his arms, which immediately makes you tense up a bit. You can’t say you're exactly used to being carried around. You look up to see that it was Hank no.5 holding you right now.

The others seemed to circle you. They had worried looks on their faces, and their voices seemed to overlap as they spoke their concerns about the blood running down your chin.

Hank no.2 gently grabs your face, avoiding the blood, of course, and tilts it side to side. “You totally broke your nose man! Yikes…” he exclaimed with a grimace.

You softly swat his hand away, “Guys I’m fine. It’s just a little blood, and I feel like it would hurt more if I broke it.” You move your sleeved arm to try and stop the blood, but unfortunately, making it smear more.

“That's the adrenaline rush talking, babe! C’mon let’s get you patched up.” Hank no.1 announces, signaling the others to go get some supplies.

The next few hours are spent cleaning you up, deciding if you really had to go to the hospital, and getting coddled by the Hanks. No matter how many times you told them that you're okay and they “don't have to worry so much.” they seemed to only worry more.

One or more of the boys were next to you at all times. Either holding your hand or embracing you completely. At some point, you start to feel guilty that your taking up all of their trick time.

“Things like this happen all the time! It’s what we got our sponsor for hun!” Hank no.1 persists.

“Yea, we lowkey don’t mind helping you at all homie, it’s what we’re here for.” Hank no.4 agrees.

“We enjoy loving on you after all.” Hank no. 3 winks, a blush forming on his cheeks.

Guess if you can’t escape it, you might as well let it happen. You have a feeling that the Hanks are gonna have an eye on you for the rest of the day anyway. You suppose you don't mind as long it’s with them.

[ladsaplenty]

Beyond Cloudfall Should Be a Standard Myth and Here's Why (AKA how I got Sylus-pilled)

Okay, this started as a completely unhinged rant by a non-Sylus main after watching Cloudfall, but I tried to tighten it up a bit because I really do think that this myth is essential viewing for a fair interpretation of Sylus's character. Every time I have read about someone changing their mind about Sylus, this myth comes up, and rightly so. I was sobbing by the end of it and everything about Sylus, even the stuff that annoyed the crap out of me (ESPECIALLY THAT STUFF) suddenly made perfect sense. But because he has less main story time than the OG 3 and because his backstory isn't as straightforward as Caleb's, it might be harder for some players to warm to him unless you're already attracted the kind of vibe he brings.

You can look this myth up on YouTube, but I think most people would only do that after deciding to main him, in which case they probably don't need the myth to be convinced. Some people are into Sylus right away and understand where he's coming from, but I think there are people like me who would main or second him if they understood him better but we weren't given the opportunity. When I started the game, all signs pointed to me liking Sylus, but I just didn't and couldn't figure out why until I watched Beyond Cloudfall. Not read about it. WATCHED it.

If you're someone who also feels like they should like Sylus, but he just kind of turns you off for some reason, go watch this myth and then report back and tell me if I'm insane (more so than I already am) for thinking myths like this should be in the permanent wish pool.

(Also, I know that this myth will never become standard because it's awesome and they'll get more money from it being limited. I just have too many feelings I need to express and I have chosen to spare my loved ones from hearing me gush about this game nonstop. Also, usual disclaimer that this is JUST MY OPINION. Other interpretations of Sylus are equally valid, but this is the internet and I get to yell things just like everyone else. Spoilers for Beyond Cloudfall obviously.)

1) For people who are turned off by Sylus's attitude, Cloudfall clarifies and humanizes his behavior and makes his actions less confusing.

When he first showed up, I thought Sylus would be totally dominating and aloof and other typical enemies-to-lovers trope stuff, but then he goes so overboard trying to get MC to resonate with him, putting on a performance for her with the big chair and so on, that I didn't buy it. I thought "oh, this dude is a teddy bear and he's just throwing a tantrum about something," but he then kept acting that way. Even when he stopped forcing himself on MC, he still acted like a complete prat on a regular basis and I couldn't understand it. (Like in No Defence Zone. MC WON THAT HORSE FAIR AND SQUARE, YOU CHEATING MOTHERF-)

Why was he like that and why would he expect her to like him while he's like that? (Besides the fact that he's unreasonably and devastatingly handsome and rich.) And then I watched Cloudfall. I learned that Sylus spent so long being who he had to be to survive, being what other people thought he was because if they were going to hate him either way, why bother trying. He had to become cruel and controlling and cold to live and get to where he was/is. But he doesn't necessarily want to be like that, or at least not ONLY like that. As a child, he even cut off his horns to try to avoid that fate for himself, to avoid being rejected and seen as a monster. Yes, Sylus is still imperious, selfish, an adrenaline junkie, and a bit of a brat, but the version of MC in Cloudfall allowed him to be his WHOLE self, including the parts of himself that wanted love and connection and tenderness from the very beginning. Without watching Cloudfall, that aspect of him was invisible to me. I could sense it was there, but it was never truly clarified in any of the cards I got, so I didn't trust it and that made it harder to get invested in him.

2) For people who are turned off by Sylus's initial, uh, forcefulness with MC, Cloudfall softens the blow.

Even seeing the myth explained in other posts, I didn't fully get why people were so insistent that Sylus's initial behavior in the main story was valid. My reaction to their reasons was: "so they had a soulbond, but she forgot? That's pretty sad, but not ASSAULT someone sad. He actually hurts her, she says it hurts, how is that okay??"

What was missing was the context of their previous time together. There's an inherent physicality in their first relationship that explains (BUT DOES NOT EXCUSE) Sylus manhandling MC, even hurting her, and then trying to justify his treatment of her by telling her "she could handle it." Because to be fair, she used to handle it just fine. They tried to kill each other when they first met, of course a wrist grab isn't a big deal to him. They were always very physical with each other, first violently and then lovingly. MC fell in love with him, showed him that affection physically and let her guard down around him when every other human he'd ever known had called him a monster and vilified him. And even when MC feared him, she never hated him. So now that moment in the main story when the workshop guy says "she's disgusted by you" hits so much harder. When I think about how Sylus must have felt hearing that, how he immediately stops pressuring her when he realizes how it's made her see him, IT BREAKS MY WHOLE HEART.

3) Cloudfall reveals how Sylus's love for MC works because we get to see the version of MC he first fell in love with.

And another thing the myth does is explain how and why Sylus loves MC, which doesn't really come through in the main story and standard memories like it does with some of the other LIs. MC and Caleb's relationship is beautifully encapsulated Rain's Embrace, how long they've been together and how Caleb is so obsessed with protecting her that he sometimes ends up hurting her. Rafayel also tells his story in an affinity-based Memoria so we understand his bond with MC too. With Sylus, it was unclear to me at first whether or not he even liked MC. Midnight Stealth doesn't tell us anything about what he wants with her. He treats her like a plaything, but then lets her have exactly what she wants? He seemingly talks down to her, but then always wants to include her in everything?? It bothered me because he came so hard out the gate being harsh and so the teasing felt like taunting to me and the hot/cold vibes made me anxious.

But seeing how MC acts in Cloudfall explains all of that. She's wilder, greedier, and more playful in that dangerous way like Sylus is. Sylus knows those parts of her so intimately that he's comfortable with that dynamic, and MC probably is too, deep down, or at least it doesn't take her long to acclimate. However, to me, that cat/mouse (or actually cat/smaller cat) exchanges just felt off-putting and unearned. If it were someone treating ME like that at the beginning of a relationship? No sir, I don't care how hot you are, you don't get to hurt my feelings and CHEAT ME OUT OF MY HORSE, YOU MOTHERF-

It wasn't enough for people to say that they they had a soul bond in their past lives. I had to really FEEL IT. And it was by watching the myth that I realized that Sylus loves MC by treasuring her. Not in a possessive or overprotective way like Caleb. Instead he admires her and holds her dear to his heart. He treasures her like one treasures a memory: precious, irreplaceable, part of you forever. (Also, dragon? Treasure? DO U GET IT??) He is who he is because of her and he knows that and is grateful for it, even though he would never say it that way. And when I think about how that kind of love is reflected in everything he does with her, how he teases her because he actually trusts her and adores her and believes in her? I. CAN'T. HANDLE IT. *CRIES IN INSECURE ATTACHMENT*

3.5) ALSO if Cloudfall were standard, we could see that THE PART WHERE SYLUS FORCES MC TO SHOOT HIM IN THE MAIN STORY HAS A PAYOFF. In the past, she cursed him to only die if she willed it and did it herself, so he could never do what he did last time, when he used his hands to MAKE her kill him. And in the present he repeats that moment probably because he wants her to remember! OH GOD MY HEART.

In conclusion, TL;DR, Beyond Cloudfall should be viewed by everyone because the main story and cards don't give everyone a real chance to understand who Sylus is. Cloudfall explains things about him that get explained about other LIs in their permanent content but aren't really explained in his. He still isn't my main, but he will forever have a special place in my heart now and it's solely because of this myth and I firmly believe it should be standard so that anyone who thinks they don't like Sylus can watch it before they decide and then hopefully they will see why he's amazing and why he needs all the love in the world. If you already love him, good. If you don't, go watch Beyond Cloudfall and LOVE HIM DAMMIT, LOVE HIM RIGHT NOW.

Question: are there any STANDARD Sylus cards that explain him as well as Beyond Cloudfall?

[fomfarms]

speaking of getting overshadowed by a rizzless redhead, could we get some ryis hcs?? he needs more lovin!!

the continued March shade XD XD XD

but yeah, two asks for Ryis so I guess it's time for forest lad headcanons!

I've stated this before but like-- Celine is Cottage Core, but Ryis is Cabin Core

can name all the birds that show up in the woods by their song

tries REALLY REALLY REALLY hard to not have a favorite bird

BUT HE DOES HAVE A LEAST FAVORITE BIRD AND IT'S STARLINGS (little jerks)

loves his wood working time by himself cause it really zens him out and he gets to let his mind wander in the background

usually wanders to you

he doesn't get flustered too easily, but he does get charmed

there's a lot of times he's just sitting there, working away, and he just thinks of you and smiles

his flirting is subtle and light handed, but it is there

he's not flirting the whole convo, but right at the end he says something to make you blush or smile and he decides to leave on that

DREAMS to one day have a bird eat out of his hand

has come VERY CLOSE

honestly back to the flirting thing, he's probably one of the more smooth charmers in the game

he learned a lot on how to be a sweet little gentleman from his sisters

most of his sisters are older than him

he loves them A LOT but he's not too too protective of them cause he's aware they can very much take care of themselves

still would throw a punch for them though, don't get it twisted

okay, well, maybe not a punch, he's kinda too chill for that

the majority of his gifts are hand made

has taken up oil painting on wood blocks/panels

wants to dive into it more, but really doesn't think he has the work space

mostly paints birds and trees and nature

(and occasionally you)

carves little birds out of spare blocks of wood

GREAT with kids, though he does find them pretty draining after a while

very slow burn when it comes to romancing you

like, he doesn't come on too strong, but he does make his interest known

a few steps forward, and then he wants for you to respond

has def never thought of your future life together and living happily in a cabin or anything

that'd be crazy haha

he's not opposed to casual dating, but he'd much prefer something deeper

he loves to have real connections with people

tends to not take things too hard or personally (look at March)

is honestly just kind of a sweet chill dude trying to figure himself out and find his way in the world

and along the way, he met this cute farmer and kinda fell pretty hard

he's not gonna make it their problem, but he'd honestly love to have someone to share his life with, and would love it even more if it were them

NS/FW (something something wood joke)

SO SO SOOOOO ATTENTIVE

like honestly one of the better lovers in Mistria

he's not too kinky or anything, he's just really mindful of pleasing his partner

very susceptible to melting when lavished with affection

gives lots of praise

would DEF not say no to some himself

is one of those dudes who reacts with excitement every time he sees you naked

like he's not all over you or anything but he's definitely looking and DEFINITELY smiling while doing so

b-b-b-body worship!!!

likes to see you flustered

big on affection before, during and after

wants to lay there with you when all is said and done

LOVES pillow talk if you're up for it

honestly one of his favorite things, just basking in each others warmth, lying in each others arms, having the deepest conversations about nothing in particular

kinda wants to have sex in the woods at night under a sky of stars but is also a little afraid of getting caught OOPS

def watched you sleep before

gives you kisses on your forehead and let's you sleep in

CAN be rough if requested, and doesn't dislike being more intense

but does prefer it slow and chill and loving

def with attack with tickles

really wants to have a marathon to see how many times in a single evening the two of you can make it happen

might save that for after your married though (privacy is important with that sort of thing)

actually once you two are more used to each others bodies/have done it a few times, he will start to get more adventurous

he doesn't have anything in specific he wants to try, but he figured if there's all this love and trust between you two, then why not try and few things out and see what happens

not gonna be a perv about it, but he's an ass man

I said he doesn't have any play in mind, but honestly

he really wants to try an aphrodisiac together

maybe with some blind folds and sensual play

something slow and building that you two can explore together

but honestly that's just a heightened version of what you do already do low key

[funnynamehaha]

Wisdom teeth removed. In hella pain. Time for more deltarune posting

So the prophecy right? At first it was kind of incidental but then it became crazy important in chapter 4, and I wanna talk about my main theory about it. But first some context!!!

So we know how the prophecy as presented in chapter 4 goes, relatively speaking. But the most interesting part of the prophecy is everything else around it, so that's mainly what I'm gonna talk about.

So. In Deltarune, the main religon practiced in home town is about. Well. The Deltarune. And in fact, the original prophecy is seen as some sort or religous text. It's read aloud akin to how the bible would be in church, and they write hymns about it and shit. It is also stated that a lot of the prophecy has been lost to time, which is very important so remember that. Now, if you've been following deltarune for a while now, the focus on religon might seem kind of weird, given that it has been largely about escapism through media and games and television, but that's where Lord Of The Hammer comes in.

Lord of The Hammer is confirmed by Gerson to be based on the prophecy, with a lot of creative liberties taken. Gerson is all about writing your own stories, your own endings, and is overall a pretty chill dude. Despite deviation being looked down upon in real life religon, most people seem to think Lord of The Hammer was badass, and they even keep copies of it in the church. Lord of the Hammer was apperently so baller that they MADE A VIDEO GAME BASED ON IT.

Dragon Blazers drives me nuts. It is referred to heavily in chapter 2 and the sweepstakes, and might be the NES game we play in chapter 3, given that it features the Ice Palace. It has been generally accepted that Dragon Blazers was used by Deltarune to sort of refer to itself, but since it was loosely based on the Prophecy, it makes perfect IN UNIVERSE sense for there to be parallels.

So. Back to the whole "most of the prophecy is lost" bit. Because it really seems like it ISN'T, given that a lot of Darkners got that shit memorized. So it mostly seems like the light world is clueless about it, right? Well, here's where I get into conspiracy theory territory.

Ralsei's explanation of Dark Worlds is largely what most people expected, with darkners being real world items turned into full fledged people with thoughts and feelings. But the way he describes how this happens is the important part. He says that, when it gets dark, objects can appear as something else, such as a chair looking like a monster, or a poster looking like its moving. Dark worlds are what happens when you get "Darker than dark." Other than being a sickass gaster reference, this reveals something important about Darkners. That they're interpretation of their given object made manifest.

So the prophecy. What does this have to do with the prophecy. Well, again, Lord of the Hammer is a loose adaptation of the prophecy. A what if scenario based on Gerson's creativity, world view, and vision. It's his interpretation. Like wise, Dragon Blazers is it's own interpretation of HIS work, based of the dev's own worldview.

Dragon Blazers is a game that seems pretty important to Susie and ESPECIALLY Noelle. Even if Susie has never heard of the prophecy, she has learned it via Dragon Blazers. Kris and Noelle have also been to church, and the Knight, (presumably Dess) has a connection with Gerson, author of Lord Of The Hammer, given that he manifests as mostly the same when he was alive. Basically everybody important to the Prophecy has heard about that shit before through various mediums.

I think its notable that Lord of The Hammer is unfinished. Gerson died before he could complete it. We don't know if Dragon Blazers ended, but given it was based on Lord of The Hammer, its doubtful. And, of course, most of the prophecy is lost to time.

It really makes you wonder. What if Gerson finished Lord of The Hammer? What if Dragon Blazers had an ending? What if we found the missing parts of the prophecy?

In darkness, our minds fill in the blanks. The silhouette of a chair can be seen as a monster, and the poster can seem like its moving. In complete darkness, you can't see anything. You can't know anything. You can't know the ending.

But what if it was darker than dark?

What if you're brain sees patterns between what you do know. What if the cool new girl at school reminds you of the dragon from dragon blazers? What if your stoic friend's demeanor reminds you of the stoic Knight? What if you could meet your cool older brother when he was your age? What if you think Jockington would look badass with a beard.

Basically, what I'm saying is that, rather than being the actual prophecy, it's simply another interpretation? Another interpretation of a story told over and over and over again. Each time a little different? A story built on greif, lonliness, and curiosity? A story about you and your loved ones overcoming hardships, making new friends, and having adventures.

But this adventure has gotten too real. Somebody might get hurt, you start to worry about how it all ends, somebody you think knows everything is burdened with that knowledge. The cool badass new girl wants to be kind, to be a hero. It's what happens when your world view becomes real.

Anyways I call it Interpretation Theory and its my weird pretentious son. My face hurts like fucking crazy but hey deltarune is pretty cool. Anyways

[kerubimcrepin]

LIVEREAD: WAKFU, THE GREAT WAVE [TOME 2, Chapter 8 part 1]

Wow no way i didnt know that. Nice anime eyes btw ghsjdhgdf.

He's so smug it makes me crazy. Genuinely, it makes me insane. God. "Kerub and I"... they make me sick. He's so proud of living with his dadsonthing for 600 years.

Heartbreaking: kerubim infected him with being a hoarder.

What the HELL are these flying books bro.

WHAT.

IS THIS THE ORIGINAL BOOKWALKER

So smug... dude.

This manga confirms joris as the twelvian equivalent of A. lost media wiki; B. the fuckers that hoard lost media and never release it (choose the one that you think applies)

What's next? Wikipedia editor Joris?

God fucking dammit. Btw I swear I didn't write the wikipedia remark on purpose. I hadn't reread this manga in months.

A likely thing for a guy who based his entire identity around living with two demigods to say.

TAP TAP :)

WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!

Joris likes cartography truthers stay winning.

AGAIN WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE THIS. DONT GIVE US THIS CHILL EXPRESSION.

Of course they'd have secret passages... inside the secret library inside the secret portal. And of course this thing is only fit for Kerubim and Joris. Atcham please crash out.

BJSDHFKBJHDKFJHDLFLBJKLDSJKLDGDFMT

This really puts into perspective just how tiny he is... Trying to draw canon typical Joris is enough torture that I gave up ages ago.

He's able to cast fire! Once again, insane shit I added to my fics turns out not to be out of the realm of possibility. Thank god.

HE LITERALLY HAS NO CLOSE FRIENDS EXCEPT KERUBIM AND ATCHAM. FUCKING RIP BOZO.

Statuette of khan! Self explanatory why he'd have this.

A painting of Asalar. Maybe to keep record of how his enemy looks like?

Down from it, we see baby Joris's drawing of what he thought his parents might look like... Not a painting of Jahash or Julith, just his own ocs. I think it's cute that this place, that seems to be pretty important to him, doesn't have his actual parents. It's not like he knew them well. Idk, it's a neat detail that says something about Joris's feelings on them in a subtle way.

Saving the best and juiciest for last, we have Zabelle. When this comic first came out, multiple crepinjurgenites had mini-freakouts that Tot might have gone actually off the rails insane and might be giving Joris a love interest. Which would be bad given Tot's trackrecord with romance writing. And also Joris's whole shtick.

However, I am very happy to announce they... REMOVED A (likely) IOP (Zabel) and made him into a sexy dragon lady queen. No fucking way. If they also don't give her an ex-husband/a dead husband/a far away husband/a son/a boyfriend... I don't know what would happen to the world, if that were to happen.

I approve of this. I don't know what to think about the anime style (might be fun! might be bad! can't be worse than bestiale!) but it does have actually nice looking female characters. which is already a glow up from bestiale and s4.

I'm expecting fanart of Bechamel the Catgirl and Zabelle making out at my desk by midday, mister! Not because this is in-character or makes any sense. I just like to sexualize and objectify women.

Joris being a newborn when this happened explains a lot about the timeline of events.

[nodding sagely] the fucking yass twins.

This too, I foresaw. Joris has similar opinions but understands the shitfucked reality of Yugo's life.

VBSDFKBSDFOIGUOSDFIJGSFJGIDSKLFHGKDLF

whatever you say cute.

I choose not to comment on the lore retcon nightmares going on here because I dont car anymore.

oh my god his grabbablle waist

[iveseenthatlovebefore]

Sometimes I wonder why I'm still obsessed with AC. Like, why can't I just let it go? The characters I care don't show up in the newer games anymore. So, why does it still live RENT FREE in my brain—and then I remember it's because of Desmond fucking Miles. I'm holding vigil for a dead man that Ubisoft didn't mourn properly and I am forever furious. Forever hurting about it because behold my rant:

There were very few people who REALLY cared about Desmond. Like, Desmond was on the run for nearly a decade. His longest stint was at the Bad Weather under one solid fake name. That identity was the closest he got to stability but even then, he couldn't afford to let people in too deep. He had to stay off the radar. Stay safe. Stay HIDDEN. That kind of life doesn't allow for closeness. Not just with others, but with HIMSELF. Like, he couldn't risk getting attached or even afford to let himself love anyone.

Like, Desmond didn't have long term partners—just flings. No real connections. Just temporary ones and even those probably came with an exit plan. He probably loved everyone he got somewhat close to, but only in that distant way someone starved for a real connection could allow themselves to. The only people who ever got close to Desmond were Lucy, Rebecca, and Shaun, but even then, most of his time was spent in the Animus.

And dude c'mon, THAT'S where ANY real connection even happened because the Animus didn't let Desmond keep his distance. With Altair, Ezio, and then Connor, he was forced into the deepest intimacy possible. The Animus stripped any and all walls. Desmond lived their lives. He felt what they felt. He thought their thoughts. He essentially lived their lives. Intimately. Repeatedly.

No one can fucking tell me he didn't love them.

You cannot live inside someone's soul like that and come out untouched. He bled with them, loved with them, felt their joys, bore their regrets. How do you go through something like that and NOT love?

I am forever 100% convinced that Desmond loved them. DEEPLY. IRREVOCABLY. Altair, Ezio, Connor—they were HIS. He carried them. He knew them more than anyone else ever could or would. He knew them in ways no one knew him. And god, what kills me is that none of them ever got to know him back.

Like, Ezio got close. Heard Desmond's name. Saw a glimpse of him, but that was it. They never knew how fiercely they were loved. How Desmond defended them, cherished them, clung to them.

Talk shit about any of them? Desmond would throw hands and SPIT ON YOU because they were more than memory and probably more than anything he ever knew.

And Ubisoft—fuck you for not doing anything with that.

You had it right there. The emotional core. That psychological goldmine of what it meant to bleed into someone else. The trauma. The love. Wasn't Desmond supposed to be the ultimate Assassin? That he could've canonically TRAVELED THROUGH TIME. THAT WAS THE ORIGINAL PLAN. YOU SAID IT WAS. You had it all set up and you dropped the fucking ball. You WASTED IT.

Fuck you Ubisoft I hate what you've become.

In canon, who loved Desmond? Really? Shaun and Rebecca. Probably Lucy. That's it. Three people and they knew him for less than a year. And Desmond? Desmond loved ghosts. He loved people long dead, who would never look him in the eye and SEE HIM.

I think that's why I'm still here. Still writing and not letting it go. Desmond fucking deserved to be loved back and if canon won't give it to him, then goddamn it I will.

Thank you for taking the time to read my rant while I scream into the fucking ether.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.253 Beg your pardon

With Desi off to camp and food in Sophia's stomach, we headed to the hospital. Luckily for us, the doctor's morning was open, so we didn't wait long after I checked in. Walking down that long hallway felt like a funeral march. I didn't think I was going to die, but I had no idea what would meet me in that room. The doctor awaited us and invited me to change into a gown and sit on the bed. So far, so good. I'd done that before the last time I was here. Just like last time, the doctor asked what brought me in, and I told him everything, beginning with the vacation and cleaning up the beach to the abduction and stomach pain. His pen scratched across his notebook so fast I thought I should slow down, but he needed all the facts to make an informed decision. I left nothing out. After my brain dump, he drew blood to run tests and told me to sit tight.

He left us alone for several minutes with nothing but the annoying ticking clock to keep us company. Sophia hopped up on the bed with me and rested her hand on my knee. We hadn't said much to each other since he left with my blood. We just sat there, worried, waiting for the results. I tried to think of other reasons for my predicament, as if one scenario were better than the other. If the abduction was not a coincidence, maybe they implanted a device in me some kind of way. A tracker? But how?? I had no scars. After what felt like an eternity, the doctor barged in. He stopped in front of me, reading papers from his clipboard. When he was done, he nodded, as if to confirm to the papers he read and understood the information. Sophia squeezed my shoulder and whispered into my ear, "Whatever this is, we'll handle it together."

The doctor stowed the results and got back to business.

"Okay, folks, the good news is you're not poisoned or dying. You're pregnant! The bad news is obstetrics is not my area, so I'll have to refer you to someone else. Congrats, though."

I blinked.

Pregnant?

I blinked again.

Pregnant?!

"I'm sorry—what?" Sophia asked.

I appreciated the calmness in her voice, but she was just as confused as I was. That blasted clock ticked louder than any sound I'd ever heard. I stared at his lips, waiting—begging—for him to say, "Happy Prank Day!" But he just stood there, waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't speak. I honestly would have preferred some rare disease or something. At least then, if I lost a bunch of weight or hair, I could explain it and everyone would understand. But being pregnant?? Who's gonna understand that?! No one knew anyone abducted by aliens, let alone impregnated by them!

"Let's get you over to obstetrics," the doctor said. "They'll be able to give you more information than I can."

Sophia looked at me, stunned, then back at the doctor.

"Is this a joke?"

He parted his lips as if to tread lightly, like he didn't anticipate our reaction or something.

"I understand how shocking this is. I assure you, this is not a joke. If it's any consolation, these things happen way more than you think."

Sophia went pale, but her hand never left me.

"No," I said when I finally found my voice. "No, that's not right. It's impossible! I'm a dude, doc! I don't even have the...the parts for that! Run more tests. It can't be that!"

I wanted to cry, throw up, and punch something all at the same time. A baby? In my belly?? I didn't believe it and looked down to check it out for myself. Sure enough, I had put on a few pounds in the middle. I'd been so concerned about the pain and hiding my experience from Sophia, I never even noticed. But I was still stuck on how the baby got there in the first place.

"But ... There's no scars! They didn't cut me!"

"Alien tech is Lightyears ahead of ours," doc said. "They probably used some really advanced nanotech small enough to insert through one of your pores."

"But, I—I thought I was just getting old or something!"

The hitch in my voice threatened to crumble my entire system. Sophia squeezed me even tighter.

"It's not your fault, babe," she said with glassy eyes.

The doctor cleared his throat.

"I know this is a lot to process, so I'm gonna go update your chart. When you're ready, head down to room 3. Dr. McKnight will be able to answer all of your questions."

He nodded politely and exited as quickly as he came.

I couldn't let go of my belly.

"There's something alive in there??"

I looked over at Sophia, who was trying to hide tears, and temporarily set aside my problems.

"Sophia, are you-"

She waved me away.

"Don't. I'm here for you right now," she said, sniffing and wiping tears. "We can talk about me later."

I shook my head in amazement.

"How do you do that?"

She put her hand on the small of my back, signaling it was time to leave.

"It's part of the job. Are you ready to go?"

"I don't think I have a choice."

[trlblzd]

found these again and laughed my ass off

[lemongogo]

viktor prev 🤖

[kori-senpai]

New Leokumi content in the lords year of 2024?? It's more likely than you think! (x)

[spaciebabie]

would smash leshy

[doverstar]

every year around this time I rewatch Julie and the Phantoms, and every year I am reminded how much heart this little tween show about grief and hope has

[deus-ex-mona]

ok yk what. now that i’ve had some time to process nghy canon, considering the current pacing of gen retcon, i think their next step is as ✨clear as day✨

i really like seeing them happy together, but i truly do think that they should divorce and either live the rest of their lives as single besties; partners in hero/heroine-isms, but better off as just friends, or go their separate ways for a bit and get back together when they’re a little older and wiser, staying together for good this time around, as each other’s first and last boyfriend/girlfriend

[fucknugg3t]

hugs need to last longer wdym it’s over wdym the school has a rule against pda bro I love my friend I want to be held what

[atigrado]

class of 09 the flipside