#like aros can also use it as a symbol but to ignore the ace symbol origins seems kinda fucked 2 me

[redysetdare]

Y'all realize garlic bread started as an asexual symbol first right? The whole start of it was in reference to "garlic bread is better than sex" idk where the idea came about that it started as an aromantic symbol with "bad garlic breath saving you from kissing"???

Not saying garlic bread can't be a shared symbol but it's super weird to hear ppl claiming it was an aro only symbol and completely ignoring the roots it has as a symbol in the ace community??

[rouge-the-bat]

why are you using solely acespec symbols to make a symbol to represent the entire aspec. you know that not all of us are ace and that the card suits symbol only really includes aces.

i mean i thought i remembered them being used for different aro AND ace identities. obv i could be remembering wrong since i have bad memory issues. but really dont appreciate the "you KNOW they only really include aces" thing. you dont know me. try giving some people the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming the worst

[mew-tilated-mogai]

Welcome...

✦ ─ yo, im Kei / Guzma, you can also call me Mew since thats my blog name, Im a genderfluid bi-gay dude, crit inclus

Pronouns : he/him ; neb/nebby ; spike/muth ; Di/Devi ; oct/octo +

✦ ─ Requests :: Closed ✦ Ask box is always open

✦ ─ Do not repost any of my terms on any wikis, archives or other sites/blogs, thank you.

✦ Tagging

DNI, BYF + info below the cut

✦ DNI

i block very freely btw ;] also dni is subject to change

Basic DNI criteria (racist, homophobic, ableist, etc.)

Anti-MOGAI / LIOM, Anti-Xenogender, Anti-Neo/Xenopronouns, Anti-Otherkin/Fictionkin, Anti-Furry

Proship/Comship/Profic, anti-anti, "Dead dove", "Block and move on" blogs

Real-Person-Fiction writers/readers

Anti-Mspec lesbians/gays, Anti he/him lesbians / she/her gays / Anti-contradictory labels

Pan exclus / Ace/Aro exclus (also counts for cis/het aspec) / Anti- polyamory

Supports/is TransID, "transage", "transrace"/trace/diaracial, "transabled", "transopinion", "transill" or "non harmful transids"

Radqueer, Radpara, Medpunk, Warqueer, Feralqueer, Weedqueer, Kandiqueer, Para blogs, anti recovery, thinks paras are queer etc. etc., anything along those lines

"Safequeer" / anti critinclus

Thinks that all transpecies/chronosian stuff is radqueer/transid related (its not)

Supports/is (NO)MAP/AAM/Pedo/Zoo/Necrophile/"Kodophiles" etc. etc.

Refer to yourself as a "loli", "shota", "kodo", "yandere"

Blogs with any kind of syscourse on them (Applies regardless if pro-endo or anti-endo) / Discourse / drama blogs in general

TERF/Swerf, radfem, transmed, truscum, gendercritical, TIRF

Denier of transandrophobia

Gets pissy about people using "queer" or "fag" or tags posts that dont they didn't make as "q slur"

"minors DNI" blogs, NSFW / kink blogs, Vent / s/h blogs, Gore, Thinspo, Yancore blogs

Supports dd lg or other variations/NSFW agere / NSFW in agere spaces

Dream stans, Taylor Swift stans, tolerates JKR

Supports/Has anything on your blog relating to DSMP, Southpark, Harry Potter (introjects are always ok)

Have URLs/PFPs/Posts/Mentions about G-meGr-mps or donnie darko

Pro-life / Anti-abortion

Cop or military boot lickers

i have all the right to laugh and clown on you if you break my dni, its not hard lol.

✦ BYF/I

I am Crit Inclus, Im Pro-choice, I am completely Anti-Radqueer and if i see you interact with me while breaking my dni i will post about it.

As I said I am completely anti-radqueer and anti-transx (+ all the other names for it), however thats not including BIID, transpecies and Chronosian.

I will not give my stances on things to do with discourse, especially syscourse, and would like if you kept it miles away from me.

I swear alot and use words like "god" and "jesus" freely, so if you dont like that or if thats a problem then my blog is probably not for you, sorry.

Im shit with tone, so tone indicators are ok to use with me, im also shit with spelling and getting my own point/tone across so if im talking and that happens ignore it /hj

If your blog has typing quirks or you type differently (eg. LiKE THiS) i will have trouble reading it and will more less likely not interact with you.

I also get agitated and anxious fast, so if i come off as if im angry or disinterested in talking its least likely on purpose.

✦ Requesting

Please send an ask clearly describing your request, try not to be vague and use broad terms as little as possible.

(eg. "can you do neopronouns based off sylveon?" or "can you do a creepy/horror neopronouns list?", "Can you coin a gender related to X Y Z?")

I also ask that you research on if something has already been coined or not, it just takes some of the hassle out of it for me <3

✦ request etiquette

Stamp/blinkie requests

Requests must have links to flags in the ask.

Flags have to be simple (ie. just lines/waves, simple designs. no frills, crazy designs or detailed symbols), as i dont shrink them down, i remake them at that size.

Up to 2 flags are allowed for stamps (ie. "can you do a pan lesbian and bigender stamp?")

PLEASE specify whether or not you want 2 flags on one stamp or just multiple stamps.

request multiple at once if you want i dont have a limit other than theres gonna probably be only 8 per post

I will do different border selections for stamps in the future, but you can pick between 2 lines of dots blinkies or clasic full all around dots blinkies (like. the blinking part.)

I will do basically any flag as long as it follows my no crazy detailed flags rule

Things i WILL do:

Gender coining, Flag coining, Help with naming

Genders based on two or more things (eg. the color blue, dragons and being sleepy)

Neopronoun + names lists

Neopronoun mega lists (as many variations and sets i can find/make with research, categorised)

Neo recommendations based on your sets

Stamps / Blinkies of (non complicated) flags

More if you can request it lol

Things i WON'T do:

Orientation coining

first and second person pronoun requests / titles

"Reclaiming"/Recoloring flags for terms I didnt coin.

ANYTHING to do with transids or paras.

Anything related to real life people/their personas, actors, youtubers

Any anime stuff

Anything from DSMP, Southpark, Genshin, Omori, The backrooms (or any youtube horror), Marvel, Disney, TOH, emH, she-ra, fnaf, ddlc

Anything to do with aesthetics/-cores like weirdcore, traumacore, dreamcore etc. (other ones are ok, just not those kinds)

Obsessive love, trauma, Yandere

Extreme gore/death/rot, medical things

Anything NSFW ( im a minor )

Anything related to disorders i dont have or cultures/religions im not a part of.

list is subject to change.

I will do just about anything else, however I will absolutely reject anything i dont want to do, sorry!!

✦ About me <3

Hi, Im Kei / Guzma , You might already know me cus I used to be an owner of the (now defunct) coining blog Bugbane-xenos. Or you might even know me from reddit or discord.

I ID mainly as lableless / bi-gay and aroflux aswell as mainly as genderfluid or genderqueer man and many other lables, im also thinking of using cistrans. Im also polykin, alterhuman, a furry and a juggalo, if you want specifics send me an ask! if its not too personal id love to tell you. Im Irish too so if i talk funny you know why lol.

I would prefer if you used my neos over he/him, cus im genderfluid it just kinda helps.

Another thing, im autistic and got a tic disorder, amongst other things, so burnout is normal for me if i take long on requests sometimes please dont get mad. I wont answer questions about the " other things" for my own reasons unless we're close.

Please enjoy your stay on my little blog <3

[demonic-shadowlucifer]

Exclusionist Symbols to Look out for: Part Two.

(Content Warning: Queermisia and Potential Eyestrain, as well as a brief mention of abuse and ableism). (Additional Disclaimer: Do not use this post to harass people. This is meant to be an awareness post). The second part to the Exclusionist Symbols post, and the third overall Anti-Exclusionist series post. Let's just get this overwith. 😅

Aspec Exclusionist Identifiers

So far I only found one Anti-Aspec flag, however I can't find much information on it. Still, best to keep an eye out for it.

(Image ID: A flag with seven horizontal stripes. The first two and last two stripes are shades of green. The third and fifth stripes are blue, and the middle stripe is yellow. End ID). There are many common identifiers used by allosexual Aspec Exclusionists, including: "Aces/Aros aren't LGBT" - the most recognizable identifier. Any use of the word "Cishet" as an identifier for Ace/Aro. -Just for clarification, this refers to exclus who believe that Aspecs aren't LGBTQ+ because they're "Just cishets". However, keep in mind that there *are* Aspec folks who *do* also consider themselves cishet, and that they are still valid! Denial of Aces/Aros being oppressed. However, one thing I don't see many people talk about is the fact that there are also Exclusionary Aspec individuals, which is a surprise because those exclusionists are a *lot* more common than what you might think. Some identifiers of this specific group include. "Asexuality/Aromanticism isn't a Spectrum" - yes people genuinely believe this. Equating Asexuality with being Sex Repulsed, or that all Aromantics are also Romance Repulsed - Something that can easily be seen as misinformation, however some people *do* genuinely use this to exclude other Aspecs too sadly. "If you feel attraction, you're not Ace/Aro". Anvil Aro - A term sometimes used by Exclusionary Aros. Mspec Lesbian/Gay Exclusionist Identifiers Since Mspec Gay/Lesbian Exclusionism is almost entirely normalized, there isn't much warning signs. However here are some of the obvious ones I found. Anti-Mspec Lesbian and their varients. Anything that calls Mspec Lesbians or Lesboys predatory. Anything that says/implies that Mspec Lesbians "invite cis men to date/harass them" (This is *incredibly* victim blamey as well). Any variation of Lesbians "not being men" or "not liking men". (Outside of the blatant TERF rhetoric, it also ignores the idea of closeted lesbians dating men to hide their identity as well as ignoring queer history). And here's an Anti-Mspec Lesbian flag that I've seen mostly on Twitter.

(Image ID: A flag with seven horizontal stripes. The flag has shades of teal on top and shades of purple on the bottom with a white stripe in the middle. End ID.). Additional Exclusionist Identifiers Safequeer - A relatively new term that excludes Mspec Monos *and* Endogenic Systems. Anti-SAM/Anti-Split Attraction Model - Commonly used by Aspec Exclusionists and Mspec Mono Exclusionists. Safequeer Flags:

(Image ID: Two flags with seven horizontal stripes. Both flags have two orange stripes, a blue stripe, a green stripe, a purple stripe and a red stripe. The first flag has a purple and white Lotus flower in the middle. End ID.)

(Image ID: Two flags with seven horizontal stripes. Both flags contain shades of blue on top as well as a green stripe, and shades of orange on the bottom with a thin yellow stripe in the middle. The first flag also contains a silhouette of a lotus flower outlined in yellow. End ID). Some Safequeers might also identify themselves using a Lotus flower, however the lotus can also mean multiple things. It's best to check. Not Queer Exclusionary, but still exclusionist nonetheless: Sysmed/Anti-Endos - Plural individuals that target Endogenic Systems and other Non-Traumagenic systems, believing that you need trauma or DID/OSDD to be a system. Some Sysmeds are queer, but others are not. Sysmeds are also referred to as Traumascum, however this term should not be used to address anti-endos due to it's ableist and victim-shaming connotations (There are, however, some anti-endos that also use the term, though it's not widely used by them likely for the reasons I just listed.) Anti Endo MOGAI or AEMOGAI- A MOGAI group that excludes Endogenic systems. An "Anti-Fake Systems" flag apparently made by an Anti-Endo, however I can't find much information on it. Still, best to keep an eye for it.

(Image ID: A flag with seven horizontal stripes. The first flag contains shades of blue on top and shades of green on the bottom, with a white stripe in the middle. End ID). Again, you see *anyone* with these flags, with these keywords, or with any kind of rhetoric I explained here, block them *instantly*.

[i-am-minty-fresh]

Are you asking questions to feel superior then? You don’t seem to want the answers so I’m assuming is like an…ego thing?

I like Zolu? That’s what the post was about? It’s about the fact that people who ship Zosan also tend to ship Zolu? Zolu is not just charming but has deep meaningful connections between the characters brought on by their similar drive and loyalty to their crew and their dreams and each other. They’re two halves of the same coin and the story that their love for each other tells is both a tale as old as time, and a unique twist that endures you to both characters individually and as live-long companions.

Zoro’s character is about devotion and putting everything he has into his dream until there’s nothing left but Luffy helps share that burden.

Luffy’s character doesn’t believe in life-sacrifice. It’s no use dying for a future you’ll never get to see. Zoro helps Luffy with his structure as captain of the ship (Water 7), which he doesn’t have because he operates almost inclusively as a representation of childhood love (which includes a willingness to forgive and forget), but that isn’t how a ship can operate so Zoro helps regulate that.

They carry each other, they rely on each other, and they have complete and utter faith in each other in a way that makes their connection often both plot-relevant and meaningful.

I’m reading the same manga as you, I watched the same anime as you. I didn’t miss anything. They love each other, romantically or platonically is up to interpretation, but they love each none the less.

All the strawhats have incredibly complex and integral relationships that bring out the best in each other, and I don’t think anyone’s arguing that none are quite as explicit as Zoro and Luffy’s but all are important.

That includes the relationship that Zoro and Sanji have.

Personal preference aside I’m not going to let you minimize their relationship within the canon. Are they dating? No. Are they hopeless in love with each other? No. Are they romantically interested in each other at all? Obviously not. But their dynamic is telling an interesting story I feel like you’re ignoring.

Like @li-binauje-artisse said, arguing about which ship is more canon when neither can be canon is like arguing which number’s closest to zero when the only numbers that matter are positive numbers and we both have negative numbers. Sure -2 is closer than -10 but by them being negative means the numbers are equally as irrelevant.

I never said Zolu was stupid, I actually called it cute and healthy and easier to draw religious symbolism from poetically. I called it adorable and a tale as old as time. I’m reblogging Zolu fanart and bookmarking Zolu fanfiction like I’ve got a quota to meet by midnight tonight.

Zolu fans act like Zosan ruined their show…it doesn’t. You know people ship Sanji and Ace right? They’re tumblr’s hottest men and they’ve had like zero screen time…are those people reading into everything to just get two sexy guys to kiss? Maybe, who cares!

I watch the show without any romantic pairings because I’m aro/ace! I’m sex-repulsed, dude! Imagining Sanji and Zoro having sex makes me feel physically ill. Same with Luffy and Zoro. It’s all gross. I’m attracted to none of these characters. So why do I like Zosan? If you take away all the sex appeal, and all the worn out romance tropes, and all the headcanons…why would someone like Zosan? I can tell you why if you want, but you seem very comfortable in your amatonormativity.

I love how Zosan shippers also typically like Zolu. Zolu has the same general stupidity but it’s so much cuter. It’s easier to make religious imagery, and it’s easier to draw healthy conclusions to…but Zosan…

It’s got drama, it’s got anger issues, it’s got feelings of insecurity, it’s got unhealthy coping mechanisms, it’s got devotion, it’s got bloodlust, it’s got the whole crew pulling their hair out because they were fighting a second ago and now they’re making out while taking breaths to still make fun of each other.

Think of the crew in a Zosan universe. It’s the top gossip. Zoro falling for his captain and Luffy falling for his first mate? Adorable, predictable, a tale as old as time. Zoro falling for the flirtatious cook with anger issues and Sanji falling for the directionless swordsman who never showers? Think about the other straw hats gossiping about it, think about the news coos definitely snapping pictures of them yelling at each other and then wrapping each other wounds after a nasty spat. It would be the biggest scandal since Cross Guild and if I was a citizen in the One Piece universe I would pay for a special edition newspaper all about what’s been going on with them recently with headlines like, “Zoro and Sanji finally breaking up for good?!?! Strawhat chef says he’s ‘done with the ugly swordsman’ Could this be it for our on-again-off-again-pirate lovers?!?”

The next edition would be like, “A pirate marriage! Sanji and Zoro finally tying the knot?!” And I’d be hooked on every fucking word.

@certain-arcade-dinosaur this is all of my thoughts and feelings on the matter (this is a lie I could talk about these dipshits til I croak)

[poormeowmeowcollector]

Loki's experience with Earth's acceptance

Relationships: Loki & Tony, Loki & Avengers

Warnings: Homophobia, smoking, awful mental health, mentions [of screen] of child abuse and mentions [of screen] of self harm.

Summary: Loki makes a grave mistake, pays for this vicious crime

Notes: I swear, this was supposed to be fluff. Also, this is the non Reader pride fic. Happy pride y'all!

AO3

Loki had been compromised.

They didn't kill anyone, didn't hurt any avengers and didn't rejoin the dark side. No, Loki's crime was much worse.

Loki had the nerve to appear on a local pride parade.

And he hated every single moment of it.

People first were kind when recognizing them, asking questions and generous to chat. Loki had all the energy to chat back. Then, the shit started.

Some recognized the ace and aro flags Loki had painted on their cheeks and the genderfluid one they were using as a cape on their suit (as well as the rainbow infinity symbol on a pin). They started yelling curses, spitting and pushing. Yelling that he's not oppressed because he passes (he's invisible) and because he was raised with privileges (that managed to scar him deeply and never stops to cause issues) or that he's not even real, that he's just a cishet trying to slither in.

Loki was raised a royalty by Odin, they have mastered the art of ignoring insults.

So, instead of yelling about love and acceptance, Loki spent the pride with other people who were getting attacked. Some, like him, were attacked for not having the right identity, some even for not being white or skinny. Well, good thing this is a pride parade…

Some people were willing to hang out with Loki for a bit, talk (or vent) about the hypocrisy of this behaviour, and then they decided to either stay or leave. But some moved away and yelled at Loki to get lost, reminding them that they would not understand because they're white (more like so heavily whitewashed that they hate both their birth form and the illusion, since one is a monster and one is a reminder of a lie) or not fat enough to understand (they're still trying hard not to binge-eat everything containing protein and work themselves to exhaustion in hope of some muscle). Loki was just apologizing and wishing a good day.

Three hours is the most Loki lasted before heading home, once again disappointed by this planet.

Three hours were enough for paparazzi to take countless pictures of Loki with his flags, and flood the internet with them.

Some people, more than the ones on the parade, were talking about how happy they are to see someone being queer and with the influence Loki has and how just Loki's existence makes them feel better for their own identity. Loki wishes to hug every one of them, and thank them for their words.

Yet, all the events where Loki was invited demanded their resignation, many articles were nothing but gossip and rumours, many people were outraged. The messages of sympathy were soon outnumbered by the slurs and threats, feeling like a punch and hitting so close to home. Loki, on a rush of thoughts, deactivated the accounts and unplugged the TV. When Tony realized, he rushed to Loki's room to demand answers. Instead, he offered comfort when he saw Loki's state, too close to slipping down to a path they fought hard to get away from.

And Tony did manage to stop Loki from going down that road again, mostly with distractions. Until the next day.

"I know this is too much to ask, but I need a favour," he starts. Loki scoffs, tossing some ash away from their cigarette before taking a long sip. So much for quitting, but at least smoking is something they can quit with ease and leaves fewer scars behind.

"I will regret this, but go on," they sigh and tilt their head, letting their fingers fidget with the bedsheets.

"Tomorrow, there's a press release held in the tower. Of course, you can come, but you don't have to if you're not ready yet. I just want you to plug back the TV and watch it, please," and there is the bomb. Loki sighs again.

"It's already plugged in, Bob Ross is quite therapeutic… But, I will think about it, I'm not making any promise," they hum, trying to keep their voice steady and failing. Tony relaxes, even though the answer he took wasn't the one he wished for. Perhaps, he was expecting worse.

"Bob Ross, huh?" he asks instead, his leg bouncing.

"Yes, he's relaxing. And a sweet man," they nod. "I tried Mr Rogers as well, but he didn't hit the same way," they draw another deep inhale, yet more laid back this time.

"I see. At least this Mr Rogers doesn't rant about freedom and liberty," Tony grins like the idiot he is.

Something between a laugh and a cough escapes from Loki, their hand covering their mouth but letting the smoke flow between their fingers. They try to laugh without choking for a few seconds, until the airway is clean enough to allow the usual giggles. And of course, Tony offers this self-satisfied smile.

Because as much as he loves making Loki laugh like an idiot during the worst possible moments, he loves cheering them up when feeling like shit. And, since Loki is indeed an idiot, they had to work a lot to accept Tony's company.

"I hate you, Edward," they groan, their voice still rough. Tony smiles, and keeps up with the jokes for as long as possible.

Loki, in fact, did not think at all about whether they'll watch the press conference or not. But Friday woke them up around the time it starts, so Loki decided to have a little noise while taking their cup of tea.

Until the Avengers entered the screen.

Tony was wearing a bi flag as a cape, on his cheeks and forehead writing "ADHD", "PTSD", and "Abuse Survivor", as well as the same neurodivergence pin Loki has. Loki rubs their eyes, sure they're somehow still asleep. But Tony's not the only one dressed up. Steve, with the graysexual flag and the words PTSD, Immigrant and Veteran follows, smiling and waving at the cameras. Bucky had the Achillean flag, also listing some of his trauma on his face. Bruce had the gay flag, Natasha the aro (both identifying as child abuse survivors as well).

Sam was also wearing a bi flag with his military suit, the one he swore he'll never wear after his co-pilot's death. Clint had the demi flag and was holding his hearing aids, Wanda had her pan flag and her Romani dress, the star of David and the flag of Sokovia painted in her face. Even Thor and Peter joined the masker party, with the nonbinary and trans flag and Thor writing his pronouns on his forehead and the acronyms NPD and ASD on his cheeks, also bearing the pin, Peter mimicking the pronouns but writing just ASD and Orphan. And then, Tony winked at the camera.

Loki can't stop shaking and crying, but also smiling at the view. They don't think before walking past the now broken cup and towards the bathroom, using the mirror to write some of their own "weaknesses" on their face (after managing the tears). They quickly choose the "Child Abuse Survivor" for the forehead and acronyms BPD and ASD for the cheeks, but it's not enough. Afterwards, they carefully change to a short-sleeved shirt, using the hands to write some more (without covering their scars). Then, after making their genderfluid flag also one third asexual and one third aromatic, they drop the Æsir illusion and run to the room where the conference is held.

Loki can hear people asking questions and cameras snapping, but it gets louder when they walk in. They smile and don’t give a fuck about how obvious the last crying session is. No, they just go directly to Tony and hug the shit out of him. They let their hands shake again but hold back the tears just to save the paint.

"You watched it, right?" he asks, now smiling softly as he breaks the hug

"I wanted some background noise,” they huff, this time ready to face whatever hate their existence is igniting.

Because yes, Loki alone cannot face all this. But when the other Avengers, their family, on their side, they can bear a little longer.

~~~~~

taglist: @lucywrites02 @electroma89 @the-emo-asgardian @rorybutnotgilmore @hybrid-in-progress @weirdfangirl2416 @darkacademicfrom2021 @nicoistrying @twhiddlestonsstuff @lennylovebot @thewindandthewolves

[alloaroworlds]

Saw something about alloace people stealing the idea of an alloa flag from alloaros, but don’t most pride flags with counterparts start with one? Is it bad to use the alloace flag?

Thank you, anon, for asking this respectfully.

(There’s too many non-respectful, insulting, allo-aro-antagonistic and even cissexist asks in my inbox on the subject of flags.)

I agree with you: it's common in LGBTQIA+ spaces for pride flags to use other pride flags as a reference point, particularly when it comes to related terms and shared symbols or colours.

I, personally, take no issue with the concept of allo-aces using a flag that was inspired in its colour symbolism by the allo-aro flag. As much as I dislike the ways Tumblr pairs allo-aros and allo-aces in content (flag edit posts, positivity) as though "allo" is equivalent to "demi" or “flux” or “grey”, I see the symbolism in taking the allo-aro flag and transforming it in asexual-flag styling to suit allo-ace needs. (It makes sense given that our yellow/golds were chosen by @arotaro because they’re opposite on the colour wheel from purple and aro green was historically chosen because it is opposite from red.) I don't view it as "stolen" any more than I would another flag inspired by another flag.

Pride flag culture is, like fandom and fanworks, transformative.

What I take issue with is individual allo-aces or groups of allo-aces using a flag that was inspired by the allo-aro flag while engaging in, perpetrating, condoning and/or ignoring allo-aro antagonism and erasure.

The allo-ace flag doesn't exist in a vacuum. It's not disconnected from the ways allo-aces treat allo-aros--and the ways allo-aros have come to feel about allo-aces. It’s not disconnected from the ways the allo-ace and allo-aro flags appear together in solidarity/positivity posts that are entirely at odds with the ways allo-aces frequently treat allo-aros. It's not just four stripes on a flag that happen to be inspired by ours because of related a-spec symbolism.

I, personally, don't see not using the allo-ace flag as a viable solution. How is that going to change things? (Very likely, folks will switch to another flag and keep on with the same old erasure.) Allo-ace identity is important, and if allo-aces like and relate to the symbolism of the red/purple flag, they should be able to keep using it. (I definitely don’t want to police allo-ace identity and pride the way folks are trying to do with me, which is also a subject of anon asks.) When allo-aros discuss our frustrations with the context of the allo-ace flag, we're not doing it because we object to another a-spec identity's expression of pride.

We're trying to express how unfair it feels that allo-aces are using a symbol inspired by ours while creating and/or overlooking their involvement in an a-spec culture that treats and dismisses allo-aros as third-class a-spec citizens.

The relationship between allo-aros and allo-aces is a much broader subject than the origins and use of one flag. At the same time that flag is, because of the circumstances of its making, eminently symbolic of said relationship.

That doesn’t always come across in frustration-fuelled posts (often made to allo-aros by allo-aros in our tags/spaces, where everyone’s aware of the context and further elaboration isn’t needed, or as short vent posts). It looks like we’re just complaining about one flag being inspired by ours, which can easily be misunderstood as petty, hateful or policing at odds with transformative pride flag culture. But our feelings run far deeper than that, and that’s a hard thing to see if you’re outside the allo-aro community.

I can only speak my opinion, but I want allo-aces to use the current flag (if that’s what you decide you want to use, because you have the right to celebrate allo-ace identity with community-decided symbolism, language and pride colours).

I want allo-aces to use and take pride in the allo-ace flag with an accompanying spirit of valuing, supporting and encouraging allo-aro contributions to our shared a-spec community.

I want allo-aces to use and take pride in the allo-ace flag while acknowledging the accompanying fundamental necessity to recognise, challenge and halt the allo-aro erasure and antagonism common in the asexual and a-spec communities.

I want allo-aces to use and take pride in the allo-ace flag while recognising that such use must carry the obligation to respect allo-aros.

Until that point, though, I think the allo-aro community is fair to look at some uses of the allo-ace flag in frustration and pain (especially those solidarity posts that gloss over the reality of the allo-aro-and-allo-ace relationship). The flag is not stolen, and I don’t think it should be referred to as such, but its careless use by allo-aces without accompanying recognition of the way many so often harm allo-aros is contentious.

Does all this make sense, anon?

Note 1: I’m not the creator of the allo-aro flag that inspired the allo-ace flag, and I think @arotaro‘s feelings in this situation, in terms of ongoing use of flags, should carry far more weight than mine.

Note 2: The flag we’re discussing is by @varioriented-pride, who does a lot to reblog allo-aro visual/flag-edit content on an account devoted to a wide variety of varioriented folks, a category that includes allo-aros and allo-aces alike. (I regularly reblog their* posts over here, in fact.) I haven’t seen them engage in allo-aro erasure or antagonism; they stand as an example for the kind of allyhood and support I am asking.

(* Apologies if I have misgendered: I can’t find any mention of pronouns!)

Note 3: There is a second allo-ace flag by @flagify that isn't directly inspired by the allo-aro flag. I am in no way making a statement as to whether allo-aces should or shouldn't use it; I'm simply observing its existence.

[eldritch-bf]

All the aro meme questions

Thank you so much! I was hoping someone was just gonna have me do them all.

Aro ask meme!

When did you realise you were aro? I’ve known for a long time but was in denial about it until recently. I forced myself into relationships hoping something would feel different but nothing ever did.

Are you interested in having a QPR? Generally no, but currently my heart is betraying me and I’ve developed a squish on someone.

Do you own any pride shirts/rings/patches/etc.? I have both the black ace ring and the white aro ring on me all the time.

What’s your sexual orientation? Aromantic Asexual

Who is a character you headcanon as aro? The only one I can think of is a serial killer so that’s no good. If you can find me a main character who isn’t in a relationship or used to be in one and isn’t also evil, let me know. Maybe Sam/Frodo are in a QPR.

Are you out? Or semi out? I’m out to my friends. My family largely ignores me being a trans man so they still regard me as a lesbian.

What aro issue do you wish there was more talk about? The pain of your friends prioritizing their romantic relationships more than your friendship. I get it, but doesn’t mean it hurts any less. Like, statistically your allo friends will all get married in the next 5 years (I’m 21) and move away and you’ll drift apart.

What do you wish alloromantics understood about us? That QPRs are not Romance Lite or Super Friendship.

Can you recommend a romance free book/fic/song/film/etc.? I believe Amanda Lovelace is aroace and her poetry books aren’t about love/breakups/unrequited love, at least the ones I’ve read.

any opinions on symbols (ie. like ace dragons) aros should claim? I think aros should claim axolotls and also possibly compasses, Pokémon, and Minecraft.

How important is being aro to your overall identity? Slightly less important than me being trans but more important than me being asexual

What is something that helped you accept being aro? A memory of my Econ teacher saying the happiest people are those who are single by choice, followed by couples, then followed by people who are single not by choice.

what’s your ideal future? living alone? with friends? Living alone with my cats sounds great. If I have a QPR that’s also great.

Do you relate to aro stereotypes? The stereotype/joke that aros have more time to get things done is definitely me. I spend most of my time alone, reading or writing.

Does the media’s portrayal of romantic love bother you? The biggest thing that bothers me is romance stories where people meet and spend like 2 weeks together and suddenly they can’t live without each other. I also dislike when the (1) female main character ends up with the male protagonist and there’s literally no chemistry, no bond, no common ground or shared interests. Just two conventionally attractive characters in an action movie so of course they gotta get together.

what do you enjoy about being aro? Only arguments I have are with my cats when I tell them they can’t go outside because it’s raining and they scream at me. Also, unless my friends come over, I never have to compromise on what to watch.

[ajokeformur-ray]

Hello Erica! I'm kinda new to all this self-shipping stuff, so if I understand correctly, you are in some kind of relationship with Arthur? Can you explain how that happened? How did you two meet?

Hello, darling!💚

Welcome to the wonderful realms of ✨self-shipping✨! It’s a real life changer, and I’m not kidding! Yes, you understand correctly! I consider myself to be in a very real, committed marriage to Arthur Fleck; I wear wedding rings, I celebrate anniversaries, the works. With my wonderful husband I have finally come into myself and I’ve never been more at peace with who that woman is; deeply flawed and less than ideal as she is (in my opinion; I struggle with self-loathing and Arthur helps me with that, too). 

UNDER THE CUT TW; MENTIONS OF TRAUMA FROM AN ABUSIVE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP, NIGHTMARES, DISSOCIATION, EMOTIONAL HEAVINESS. I WENT HARD ON THIS ANSWER.

Arthur and I met on the 4th October 2019; it was the very first release date in the UK and ever since the trailer had first aired, I had... a tugging in my gut that I had to see Joker. No negotiations, no questions asked... I had to see the film. That feeling never faded and I actually booked my tickets an entire week before the very first showing on the 4th of October. I left work an hour early to make sure that I had plenty of time, I was an hour early to the cinema and everything. I very nearly didn’t go, tbh, even after all of my planning, because I have... trauma associations with Leto’s!Joker (abusive ex-boyfriend who literally modelled himself after Leto’s Joker and always called me “his Harley” and expected me to call him “Mr. J” etc. so as you can imagine, I have troubles with Harley and Leto’s Joker even three years after I escaped the relationship in fear of my life), but the tugging in my gut was too much for me to ignore and I went.

And oh. my god. Nonnie. I fell in love with Arthur before I even knew his name. Carnival was spinning his sign on the streets of Gotham and I remember my entire body went still and my mind went quiet and the only coherent thought I had was, “oh, there you are”. Arthur’s everything I never knew I needed until I did and he was a literal splash of colour; I was in a very dark place when he found me. Nightmares, dissociation, falling behind in university to the point of being almost unable to catch up, struggling with my job, panic attacks... and then Arthur found me and he saved me. Not physically, that was another battle and I was saved by someone else, but he saved my soul. I was at the point of giving up on myself and on my life and just at that point when I couldn’t take it any more and I began to seriously consider stepping out in front of a bus... 

There he was.

I saw the film a total of four times at the cinema. I still have the stubs. I saw him on the 4th of October, the 15th, the 22nd and the 12th November. It was a massive struggle to wait until the 10th February for the DVD to be released in the UK but I held on, and Arthur was with me the entire time. He’s been with me every single day and we’ve had our moments, we’ve had our times of doubt and we’ve wondered if it’s worth it... but it is. He’s the only person who can make me cry tears of pain and love at the same time. He’s the reason I make an effort to eat more than once a day, the reason I even graduated university the first time and decided to pursue a second degree in psychology with counselling because I want to devote my life to helping people like Arthur. He saved my soul, he changed my life, and I will never be able to say thank you or I love you enough to him. It’s ironic, really, when one considers my hobby of being a semi-decent writer.

The relationship happened naturally, I just... felt an instant, very intense connection. I’ve been a self-shipper for my entire life, even before I knew what it was called, and I’ve always known that when I feel a pull inside me, it means that something is real, right, and it’s meant for me. These rings I wear for him are comfort items, a symbol of love and devotion to Arthur, but also a symbol of commitment to myself. To take care of me, to be kind to myself (failing at that last one right now but I’m trying)... to try. I love Arthur Fleck very dearly and I never want to live another day without him now that I know the magic of his existence. He’s the reason I’m so soft and kind even when I just want to be cold and bitter and angry. He’s the reason I’m here today, my love, and I’ll never be able to live in such a way that my gratitude and love will be adequately expressed. I love him. So much.

I’m crying from love right now and my heart’s squeezing in my chest and it actually hurts physically but I love this ache. This soul deep yearning for someone not in this reality, but someone who’s arguably more real than any of us are because after we’re all dead, Arthur will remain. He’s forever. He’s my forever. I won’t ever love like this again and I don’t want to. I identify as aro-ace in reality so this marriage to him is ideal for me, just like he is. He’s perfectly imperfect and I love him and... I’m out of words. He always brings me to the point where words run dry.

So, anyway. sksksk thank you so much for your questions, darling, and for your curiosity, it means a lot to me! I hope that I’ve answered you properly and if you have any more questions, then please let me know! I hope that you’re safe and well!💖

[ckret2]

How are you able to write such good romantic scenes when you’re on the aro spectrum?

Gonna start with the weird answer and then explain the logic behind it:

I’m fascinated by the concept of obsession.

Like, particularly, when one person is obsessed with another person.

Typically what fascinates me most is the darker end of the “obsession” spectrum—the “I’ll die for you and/or kill for you,” the “I can’t imagine existing without you and will reinvent myself into some sort of idealized person who can support you as perfectly as possible,” the “I literally worship you like a literal actual god because you are that perfect to me,” the “I hate your guts but I can’t stop thinking about you for more than three seconds and I haven’t slept right in months because of it.” So, yandere tropes, “I’m stalking you out of love” tropes, zealous cults, unrequited love, knight & lord, all that stuff. I’m very interested in the psychology of how what ought to be a positive emotion can get twisted the wrong way into something so negative—how something protective can be twisted into something destructive, how something supporting can twist into something harmful, etc. You know, good horror shit. And so that’s something I spend a lot of time thinking about, reading about, and ultimately writing about.

Here’s the thing though. If you understand how obsession works inside and out, you’re like, 90% of the way to being able to write romance. That is, I think, fundamentally why I’m interested in writing romance in the first place. Because on a scale of 0 to 100, with 0 being “total indifference to a person’s existence” and 100 being “can’t go five seconds without thinking about the person and dreams about them at night,” romance clocks in at, like, 40. You’ve just gotta take Full Obsession and dial it back to a reasonable, healthy, sane level, and then paint it pink and that’s the Romance Feeling.

And then you chuck in a bunch of other positives to go along with the “can’t stop thinking about them” factor to make it a convincing romance.

The characters have gotta be friends with each other—if you can write friends, hell, turn it into “friends who call each other ‘my love’ and are making plans to spend their lives together” and you’ve got a quick and easy romance right there without any extra effort. And I understand how friendship works, I’ve got friends! Friends are a thing I can do. Lovers are friends with benefits. (The benefit is love.)

The characters probably find each other attractive in some way—if it’s physical, then you just gotta think “okay, this character finds that look attractive somehow,” and then describe their physical features in poetic language—the more you wanna emphasize the physical attraction aspect and the more it’s infatuation instead of an old steady love, the more deliriously flowery you can get with the description. If it’s attraction to their personality or other mental traits, just, do that same thing, but with mental features instead of their body. I know how to use descriptions to make things sound pretty, I can do this one too.

If there’s sexual attraction, then apply that same flowery language to generally eroticized body parts and/or body motions, and/or describe the arousal these observations cause the viewpoint character. (I’m also ace—I have never looked at someone and felt sexual attraction—but I do know what a state of arousal in and of itself feels like, and I understand on an intellectual level that people can feel it spontaneously when looking at someone they find attractive, and from there it’s really easy to combine “he looked at someone he thought was very good looking” and “he is feeling arousal, this is what arousal feels like to him” into “he looked at someone good looking and because of it he felt arousal” like it’s a pretty simple cause-and-effect there.)

The characters have gotta respect each other as, like, people, instead of idealized statues and/or dolls (as would be the case if it was obsession instead of love), which means they’ve gotta understand each other really well—so just, you know, write them comprehending each other’s quirks, recognizing each other’s oddities without needing them explained and not finding them weird, being generally familiar with each other. If you know what both your characters are like, you can write each of your characters knowing what the other one is like, too. Bam. Done.

The characters, especially if they’re only newly attracted to each other, probably feel the physical symptoms of that—rapid heartbeat, butterflies in stomach, tongue-tied nervousness, etc. I’ve never felt those things in direct connection to having a crush but I’ve felt them in connection to other things, so I can write about them too, I can intellectually imagine a “this character likes that character so much that it causes this physical reaction” cause-and-effect scenario.

And I could go on but it’s just gonna be a longer list like that.

All of the above things—feeling lowkey obsessed, being extremely close friends, looking at each other and going “ooh you are aesthetically and/or intellectually pleasing,” respecting each other, understanding each other, physically reacting to being around each other—are all things that make perfect sense in my little aro brain without having ever felt romantic attraction in my life, and they’re all things that I know come with romance because like, I see romances in movies, read them in stories, see people talking about them daily, and have several psychology courses and books under my belt that talk about the mechanisms of love along with all the other things that come in human brains. The very first movie I was ever taken to was Aladdin and I’m not sure if I was even speaking in full sentences by then—I’ve been passively absorbing research on romance practically since I was born. I’ve just gotta remember what I’ve learned and put it together in a way that sounds sensible and that matches up with what I’ve learned about how romance works and what I know about, like, how humans work.

And if a given couple’s romance differs from the above list—like, they’re totally in love but they aren’t best friends and they don’t have that deep knowledge of each other because they fell in love in two days and eloped in under a week—then that’s fine, that just necessitates amping up other factors to strengthen the love—maybe increase the obsession factor if it’s a rapid infatuation rather than a slow burn, maybe have them idealize each other more than they should which keeps them feeling attraction for each other but covers up flaws they’ll probably notice later... and when you’re writing inside their perspective you can write their romance to be as beautiful and perfect as they feel like it is, but if you recognize those flaws in their relationship you can hold onto them to use later—either to shake up the relationship and force them to grow and stabilize it, or else to make it come crashing down.

The point is, you gotta keep it realistic even when from the characters’ perspectives it’s an idyllic perfect relationship. If they’ve known each other a week, then they don’t know everything about each other. You can’t claim they do without it sounding ridiculous. They might feel like they know “everything that matters,” but it’s disingenuous to try to demonstrate No They Really Are In Love by giving them knowledge they haven’t earned yet. Show they love each other in spite of their ignorance. That goes for any other trait that a “full” “developed” romantic couple has but that they lack.

What matters, ultimately, is that at the end of the scene, it’s got to read like the characters are attracted to or in love with each other—even if it’s for dumb or shallow reasons—and not like the author put the attraction on top of them like funny hats.

And on that note?

Although being aro gives me a very obvious disadvantage writing romance that alloromantic folks don’t have—no personal experience to draw upon, even as little as knowing what it feels like to have a crush—I think it does give me one specific advantage over allo writers: I’m going to side-eye a romance plot line unless I’m convinced it works, and that applies to my own plot lines as well. And I think that being aro sorta automatically gives me stricter standards for what it takes to convince me a romance works.

Particularly in movies, it’s easy for the writers/directors/whoever to default to shorthands to “demonstrate” that characters are in love: tropes like “they argued and insulted each other for half the movie, then in a heated moment they kissed, then they were clearly attracted to each other the whole time,” that sort of thing. I can’t stand that. I know not being able to stand poorly-written hollywood romances isn’t an exclusively aro/ace thing. Plenty of allo folks complain about piss poor romantic subplots. But I have noticed a higher willing suspension of disbelief among allo folks to accept it as a given that two characters belligerently sniping at each other are doing so because they’re suppressing attraction (perhaps because there are hidden Signs Of Attraction that are invisible to me? I don’t know) while I see a much lower willing suspension of disbelief for that sort of thing among a lot of my ace- & aro-spectrum friends. I recognize I’m working off a limited data set, here, but I theorize it’s just harder to accept that two characters being assholes toward each other are better off boning than ignoring each other for the rest of their lives if the person being asked to accept this doesn’t have personal memories of Attraction™ to fall back on to fill in the gaps between the shorthand the director is using to symbolize (but not demonstrate) attraction.

So I can’t use those kinds of shorthands in my own work, because they don’t work for me. If I want the audience to feel like two characters are in love, I’ve got to bust my ass to demonstrate to myself, first and foremost,��that they’re in love. That means I can’t just say they like each other, I’ve got to SHOW why they like each other. I can’t just say they’re attracted to each other, I’ve got to SHOW the audience what it is find attractive about each other—I’ve got to describe it clearly and compellingly enough that the audience can see their attractiveness too, no matter if I’m describing a robot disguised as a spider or a pile of volcanic rock in the shape of pteranodon. If they’re arguing and hate each other but are suddenly going to kiss in a moment of passion, I’m not going to trust that the audience will just Get that they were secretly attracted the whole time, I’ve got to go into their heads to demonstrate why they feel attraction in spite of their arguing and why, to them, that attraction overweighs their differences.

At no point am I able to create the skeleton of a romance and expect the audience to add the flesh and blood simply because I myself can imagine the flesh and blood based on my past experiences—because I don’t have those past experiences.

Anyway that’s what goes into how I write romance.

[aroworlds]

[image description: a horizontal seven stripe pride flag. Colours in descending order: bright pink, medium pink, pastel pink, light grey, mint green, medium green, bright green.]

New Community Term: Dia Aro

In the last twelve months or so, it’s become common to see folks scrambling for a term that conveys the meaning of “someone on the aromantic spectrum who doesn't solely describe their aromanticism as 'aromantic'". “Aro-spec” was for a time beginning to be used this way, in the sense of “I’m an aro-spec ace”. Now, I’m seeing an increasing number of posts where the community is deciding that “aro-spec” includes all aromantics.

On the one hand, some of us have a need for a word that includes aros like me--aros who additionally use terms that aren’t “aromantic” to describe our aromantic identities. On the other hand, the alternative "greyromantic" (in its use as an umbrella term) doesn't include everyone who feels that general aromantic spaces and terms are unable to encompass our needs because of the way we identify our aromantic identities and experiences.

When idemromanticism and my shape of nebularomanticism mean I am not greyromantic, but the general aromantic community's approach to content and representation leaves me feeling alienated from my own community and even the word "aromantic" because it assumes a relationship to and understanding of romance and romantic attraction I don't have, how do I find connection and support? Nebularo and idemro spaces are tiny!

Let's be real, here: "aromantic" is a broad term that encompasses us all. General aromantic community spaces, however, tend to focus on a few ways of being aromantic, particularly the kind that doesn't require additional identity terms to explain how we experience or navigate romance, romantic attraction and relationship behaviours.

I am not greyromantic, but when I am lumped together with end-case aros as though that interpretation depicts my aromanticism, all I feel is how different--and unwelcome--are my experiences with regards romance and attraction. I have more in common with the greyromantic community than I have with most end-case aromantics, despite not being one of you. I need a way, therefore, to connect with other aros who don't fit the standard end-case aromantic experience without misidentifying myself, a word that can’t be conflated with “aromantic” or “aro-spec”. A word not quite as wonderfully broad as "aromantic" or "aro-spec" but a little broader than "greyromantic". A word that lets other people identify us without leaving cupioros and idemros under the "end-case aro" label as though the reasons we claimed those identities don't matter enough to be worth distinguishing.

Definition

Dia aro: Someone on the aromantic spectrum who doesn’t solely, completely and in full identify their attraction and aromantic experiences with the word "aromantic". A collective term welcoming everyone under the greyro umbrella who experiences some, limited, indistinct, vague or shifting romantic attraction; idemromantics, cupioromantics and bellusromantics; nebularomantics and quoiromantics defying the pressure to identify or distinguish shapes of attraction; aroflux and abroromantic folks; and anyone else who doesn’t identify their aromanticism as only “aromantic” because we cross or disregard the romantic/non-romantic binary or have differing or distinct relationships to the concept of romantic attraction and/or romantic behaviours.

Dia aro is not meant to be separate from "aro", "aromantic" or "aro-spec"; it's simply another umbrella term to describe how some of us are aromantic.

Meaning

Dia is Greek for “through”. The word that inspired this is "diapason", a musical term coming from a Greek phrase translated in English to mean "the concord through all the notes". I feel this describes the purpose or benefit of uniting a diverse collection of aromantic-spectrum identities under one label.

It also needed to be easy to pronounce, type and spell, as the current phrase alternatives like "on the greyer areas of the aromantic spectrum" require more words to speak and type (far less accessible for disabled aros like me). It also needed to avoid confusion with “spectrum” and “aro-spec” and serve as a modifier for "aromantic": dia aros are aro.

(I am aware that “diamoric” is a non-binary community term, but I’ve never seen a non-binary aro refer to themselves as “dia aro” to mean “diamoric aro”.)

Under keep reading: using the term, flag symbolism, stripe meanings, a final note on inclusiveness.

Why you may wish to use it

If you want to make community spaces connecting the experiences had by people who have some form of romantic attraction, don’t know what attraction is, identify with romantic behaviours or can’t categorise their behaviours/attraction along a binary of romantic/non-romantic, dia aro is open to you.

If you want to reference or build a community space about many shapes of aromantic-spectrum identities that is broader than "greyromantic", dia aro is open to you.

What if greyro folks dislike the concept of dia aro?

The community may need to consider using "greyro and dia aros" to describe this category of aro identities if some greyro folks dislike dia aro as an option and don't want it to include them in any way.

The current situation, however, either forces me under the greyromantic umbrella or denies me language to communicate and connect to, more broadly, the experience of having an aromantic identity that isn't solely encompassed by "aromantic". We understand the need to distinguish greyromantics, sometimes, as an umbrella category from general aromanticism because you have different experiences with regards romance, attraction and relationships.

Surely you can understand why I also have that need?

Flag symbolism

All the stripes are taken from aro-spec pride flags, to demonstrate some of the many shapes of aromanticism dia aro encompasses.

Darkest pink: abroromantic

Middle pink: cupioromantic

Lightest pink: inactromantic

Grey: demiromantic, requiesromantic

Lightest green: recipromantic

Middle green: greyromantic, arovague

Darkest green: aegoromantic

I admit that the colours don’t match in terms of hue transitions, but I prefer to keep the symbolism of taking the stripes from other flags.

Stripe meanings

The pink stripes represent a diversity of relationships to romance.

The grey stripe represents a state between, outside or beyond the romantic/non-romantic binary.

The green stripes represent a diversity of relationships to aromanticism.

A final note on use and inclusiveness

Dia aro exists so folks can distinguish the “type” of aro in a category that isn’t as broad as “aro” or "aro-spec", is a little broader than "greyromantic" and isn’t as specific as “idemromantic”. I will still be referring to myself as aro and using our green flag! Dia aro just encompasses the part of me that refers to myself as nebularomantic and idemromantic. I see it as akin to how many of us currently use “allo-aro”: an expression of identity that sits alongside our aromantic pride, not replacing it.

If we develop another term, that's all to the good! But I’ve spent months struggling with the absence of a word to describe this category of how some aros are aromantic. I am not okay with seeing myself continually ignored and erased for want of an identifying term that recognises a group of aromantic experiences. Until the community comes to some other shape of consensus, I will be calling myself, when needed, dia aro.

[arosnowflake]

I love your blog and your autistic and aro headcanons! I just wanted to ask: I'm [probably] not an autistic person but sometimes yours and other autistic people's headcanons and writing about experiences inspire my own autistic character headcanons. I worry I should not be making these headcanons (in case I'm misinterpreting your experiences or being unintentionally Terrible) but if you have any advice on this I'd be grateful! No worries if not, as well. Keep being your fantastic self

This is a really sweet message thank you so much! As a general rule, there’s nothing wrong with allistics making autistic headcanons; in fact, I’d personally really like to see that be something that grows more mainstream, because it’d mean normalization of autistic headcanons/characters and show a general growing interest in actually learning about autism. So please, do go ahead and make your headcanons! There’s no problem with them!

That said, it’s also unfortunately true that some allistics (often a lot of them) who make autistic headcanons can fall into some common ableist (or not necessarily ableist but still kind of unfortunate) pitfalls, so in case you’re worried about that (although honestly the fact that you sent this ask in the first place probably means that you’re good anyway), here’s some tips and tricks to avoid common issues with allistic autistic headcanons (there’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one):

Please don’t use functioning labels for your autistic characters. Functioning labels are labels like ‘high-functioning’ and ‘low-functioning’, and they’re generally considered to be bad by the autistic community for a variety of reasons (more here (although most of the links are dead), here, here (under ‘We Are One Community’), here). However, I’ve noticed a lot of allistics (and ignorant autistics too) who add these onto their headcanons. Please don’t? 

More of a personal thing, but please don’t separate your autistic headcanons into ‘Aspergers’ and ‘autism’. Aspergers is autism, and with the updated DSM, does not exist anymore and has been merged into the overarching diagnosis of ASD. Classifying specific characters as ‘aspies’ is alienating to autistics who aren’t aspies. If aspies themselves headcanon characters as aspies I don’t mind, but when allistics do it I get Suspicious. 

This also goes for separating your autism diagnosis into ‘PDD-NOS’ and ‘classical autism’, but I pretty much never see that so it has lower priority.

Full disclosure though: I have very negative experiences with the Aspergers diagnosis in general and I hate it so much that I have ‘aspie’, ‘aspergers’, and ‘aspergers syndrome’ just straight up blacklisted. I’m not an unbiased source here. 

While we’re on the topic of correct language usage, please use identity first language for your autistic headcanon, not person first language (identity first: autistic person; person first: person with autism). The majority of the autistic community prefers identity first language because we don’t feel like our autism can be separated from who we are (more here, here). 

Also maybe refrain from using the phrases ‘ASD’, ‘on the spectrum’, ‘somewhere on the autism spectrum’, etc. and just use ‘autistic’ instead. There’s nothing inherently Problematic(TM) about those phrases, but it’s really weird to read an entire autistic headcanon that doesn’t use the word autistic, or seems to want to avoid using it. 

Don’t use infantilizing language! Maybe think twice before calling your autistic headcanon a ‘precious baby’ or a ‘smol child’ or something, especially if they’re a grown adult. I mean, doing this once in the tags of a post when they’re being cute or something is fine, but do NOT do this on posts where you talk about them being autistic, and do NOT do this on a regular basis.

Do NOT compare them to inhuman things like animals, computers, or aliens. Just. Don’t. Ever.

Be careful headcanoning inhuman characters as autistic. It’s generally not inherently problematic, especially not in fantasy/sci-fi shows where the majority of the cast is inhuman, but it gets really tiring to only ever see the robot/alien headcanoned as autistic, and it promotes our dehumanization. Just examine your patterns and maybe try headcanoning a human character as autistic as well in those sci-fi/fantasy shows?

This goes more for robots/aliens than for things like elves. Robots/aliens tend to be autism-coded, which has lead to the negative stereotype that autistics are like robots, and the very literal alienation of autistic people. Elves, on the other and, are not historically autism-coded, and are generally considered super cool and graceful and such, so headcanoning them as autistic is pretty much always okay.

If possible, promote autistics who make content for your autistic headcanon! Read their fics! Reblog their headcanon posts! If you can’t find stuff that’s fine, and you can definitely make your own stuff as well, but if you can, promote autistics!

Related, listen to autistics! Not just when we tell you something is problematic, but if you’re making headcanons, it’s a good idea to have at least a base knowledge of our experiences and the issues we face, so that you don’t accidentally do something problematic. (Anon seems to have this down already, but since this is more of a general list, I’m putting it on anyway). ASAN and the Autism Women’s Network are both fantastic places to start learning about autism, Autism Speaks is the devil and to be avoided at all costs, and there’s plenty of autistic bloggers on this site, so maybe follow some autism blogs!

Don’t put an ‘I’m allistic so tell me if I said something bad!’ disclaimer on your autistic headcanon posts. This is a good habit when writing Serious Posts, but for headcanons, it’s unnecessary and generally kinda weird. It’s not Problematic(TM), and I understand having anxiety and insecurity when making headcanons for something outside of your experience, but it’s. Kinda annoying. Do it in the tags instead; that way people can still be informed about the fact that you’re allistic, without it being obnoxiously on the post no matter what you do.

Don’t write fic specifically about being autistic - you are not autistic and you’re probably gonna get something wrong. Instead, incorporate your autistic headcanon into fics about something else. It’s fine if the autism features heavily, just... no ‘x always knew they were different’ or ‘x has always seen the word in a different light due to the fact that they’re autistic’-centric fics. 

Exception: you can write fics about being autistic provided you have an autistic beta/sensitivity reader. And if you do, mention it somewhere on the fic. Idk about other autistics, but unless an autism-centric fic seems like it was written by an autistic, I scroll right past it, because they tend to be very ableist if they’re written by allistics. So if you have an autistic sensitivity reader, mention it.

Headcanon lists are fine though! Headcanon lists are generally less intensive and require less ability to ‘get into someone’s head’ than fic writing, so if you want to say ‘I headcanon x as autistic because y reasons’ or ‘x is autistic and they stim in the following ways/have meltdowns/script/etc.’ that’s fine and cool!

Fanart and edits are cool too! Again, there’s less need to get into someone’s head, so drawing a character while stimming or editing the autism/neurodiversity rainbow infinity symbol behind them is just fine!

Every once in a while, sit back and examine the patterns in your autistic headcanons. What kind of characters are you headcanoning as autistic? Do you notice any worrying patterns? For example, are all your autistic headcanons white, or are they all male, or are they all robots/aliens, or do you also just so happen to headcanon all of them as aro/ace and/or unavailable for romantic/sexual relationships? That’s not to say that any and all patterns are always bad or ableist (pretty much all of my autistic headcanons are also aspec bc I’m an autistic aspec and I like projecting) (although if your autistic headcanons are always male/white, then yes that’s absolutely bad), but if you find a pattern, examine possible reasons why it exists.

This is a good habit to get into with any kind of minority headcanon, by the way! I’m gonna use LGBT+ headcanons as an example: who are you headcanoning as aspec and why? Do you notice a particular LGBT+ that’s getting left behind in your headcanons? Do you always pick the same character archetype for certain LGBT+ headcanons (for example, cold unapproachable characters as aro or extroverted characters as pan), and if so, why? 

Actually! Examining your patterns in fandom behaviour in general is good. If you notice you usually don’t like female characters, then that’s probably something you should examine. If you notice that all your faves are white and that you are more interested in white background characters than main characters of colour, you should examine that. If you notice that, even though you like this minority character or headcanon, you don’t consume or create any content for them, examine why. 

Problematic fandom behaviour very rarely manifests itself in something that happens once. It’s not inherently wrong to dislike this female character or not to like that ace headcanon, but if you notice that you consistently don’t like or aren’t interested in a particular character or headcanon, or if you notice that you consistently give particular characters particular headcanons, that might be an issue. Like I said, patterns are not always bad, but it’s good to be aware of them in case they are.

I’ll elaborate a bit on autistic aspec headcanons bc that’s such a hot button issue in fandom (bc people are asshats), but the tl;dr is that autistic aspec headcanons are not inherently bad and in fact, as an autistic aspec myself, I rather like them. However, headcanoning the one autistic-coded character as the one aroace in the group unfortunately does happen pretty often (Entrapta from She-Ra comes to mind - I’ve seen SO MANY posts about how everyone is a lesbian in She-Ra except for Entrapta, who is aroace of course, and it’s... pretty suspicious). But that’s not to say that you cannot headcanon autistic-coded/headcanoned characters as aspec; I elaborate more on this topic here (featuring a GREAT addition by @aroworlds!). Just examine your patterns and why they exist.

So this is not something that Inherently Problematic(TM), but it’s very annoying to me, so here goes: maybe diversify your autistic headcanons. I’m not saying ‘make sure your autistic headcanons are also poc/lgbt/etc.’ (although that’s very cool too), but just... diversify the autism itself. Often, it’s the exact same character archetype that gets headcanoned as autistic, and as an autistic whose autism tends to manifest in less typical ways, it gets... annoying. 

Examples of typical autism tropes: the eccentric (computer/science) genius, the robot/alien, the socially awkward.traumatized loner, etc.

Examples of characters frequently headcanoned as autistic: Tony Stark (eccentric computer genius), Bruce Banner (socially awkward science genius), Pidge from Voltron (eccentric computer/science genius), Keith from Voltron (socially awkward loner alien), Entrapta (eccentric computer/science genius), Sherlock Holmes (eccentric genius), etc.

Also note how 90% of these characters are skinny white guys.

Seriously it’s 100% more likely for a skinny white guy to get headcanoned as autistic than it is for any character of colour and/or female character to get headcanoned as autistic, PLEASE examine your biases.

Examples of character archetypes that damn near never get headcanoned as autistic: team leaders, extroverted/loud characters, team heart (aka the ‘team mediator’, the glue that keeps people together), etc.

Examples of autistic headcanons I have that are non-conventional/less common: Allura from Voltron (team heart, leader), Hunk from Voltron (team heart), Arthur from BBC Merlin (leader), Kaldur’ahm from Young Justice (leader).

All of these characters are pretty damn autism-coded, and while it’s not... impossible to find content for some of these, there’s generally a lot less for them. 

What I’m getting at is that, because the stereotypical autism-coded character of the eccentric computer nerd/socially awkward loner/robot/alien looms larger in the public consciousness, there’s a confirmation bias when it comes to these kind of characters. This often gets coupled with the stereotype that all autistic people are white boys, which results in a whole lot of the same white guys being headcanoned as autistic, even when other characters are just as if not more autism-coded. 

It’s not Problematic(TM) to headcanon more stereoypically autism-coded characters as autistic, and it’s honestly not even Problmatic(TM) to only headcanon those characters as autistic, especially not if an autistic person who does present like that relates to those characters or if an allistic isn’t sure about their headcanons and wants to play it safe. But it does lead to a very monotone depiction of autism, and leads autistic people who don’t fit the stereotypical mold (me!) to feel left out. So, if possible, try researching lesser known autism traits or just generally thinking a bit out of the box when making autism headcanons.

It’s definitely bad to only headcanon skinny white guys as autistic though. Like I know I’ve said this 50 times now, but seriously, fandom racism and sexism (or a neat combination of the two in case of female character of colour) is SUPER noticeable in autistic headcanons. 

And lastly: when in doubt, ask an autistic! Asking questions isn’t illegal, and if you’re not sure about whether x thing you want to do is okay, just shoot an autistic (who is okay with questions) an ask! I’m always open for questions about autism and such (and I love talking about it so that’s a bonus), so don’t be afraid to hit me up for further info!

[narrative-critical-understanding]

Polite note: I’m glad that you like the take on the story. Also, I don’t want you to think that this is an attack or something. This is me being confused and frustrated. The text might be messy.

There’s plenty subjective in art. We can only strive towards objectivity the less straight-forward something is, but not attain it as long as we’re our own person limited by our “experience and knowledge”, “mental characteristics or states“. That is if we even want to be objective.

a definition of subjectivity: relating to or being experience or knowledge as conditioned by personal mental characteristics or states  

I specifically wrote more than once that people can ship what they want. However, if they ignore the context, which is extremely heavy in Naruto, then they don’t take the entire art into account. You can of course only look at parts of something and not everything. I probably don’t even perceive everything Kishimoto put into Naruto myself because I don’t know that much about his culture.

My problem was the insistent accusation of homophobia (with capital ARE), writing that people like me would see Sakura and Hinata as feminist role models - which I see as another insult, implying we’re maybe just not smart, and implying that we don’t have “a tiny bit of open mindedness“ while demonstrating that in this case themselves.

Was I harsh in my reaction? Yes. However, I wrote repeatedly how people can ship what they want. My “get the fuck out with your insulting prejudiced assumptions” was an admittedly aggressive defense towards this persons lack of respect for all who don’t ship them and call them (spiritual) brothers. The “insulting prejudiced assumptions“ not meaning the ship itself, but this persons open attitude towards us, and I meant that these “insulting prejudiced assumptions“ should get the fuck out. What the person does with this - whether to keep thinking that people like me are homophob etc. or to be more open-minded (which then means that my “...” doesn’t mean them anymore) -  is up to them (if they even read it).

I don’t doubt that some or even many people harass SNS shippers on their plattforms in such a way as this person described (and most likely also experienced) and I don’t doubt that this person felt the need to respond with an aggressive defense towards these peoples lack of respect.

We all generalize (here even more so) and we all make mistakes.

That post just went too far for me. Queer liberation, intersectional feminism and open-mindedness mean a lot to me. I still have a lot to work on - as we all or at least most of us do, but I had time and wouldn’t let this stand just there without clarification with these far-reaching insults. That’s also because I know that there are many who have at least the first and last assumptions. And that post was a peak demonstration of it.

So I think the salt was just fine - needed even to show hypocrisy

(talking about “decoding” while not considering Kishimoto’s culture and background and the culture in canon *²

-  “homophobia” while not considering other non-romantic and/or non-sexual identities: "When you trivialise, erase and appropriate homosexual content to suit your heteronormative obsession, you ARE being homophobic.” I could re-write this to: “When you trivialise, erase and appropriate ace and aro content to suit your homosexual obsession, you ARE being ace- and arophobic.“ But I don’t think this way. People can ship SNS or even SS for all I care as long as they don’t have a problem with me criticizing these ships as non-canon and etc.. *³

- “open-mindedness” while declaring that “Because people who think Sasuke and Naruto are brothers are the same people who think Sakura and Hinata are feminist role models.”)

, but we can disagree. I'm fine with being seen as too salty for some.

*² *³  It’s true that nobody can truly know Kishimoto’s intent unless he outright says something, but you can see all the symbols and words and changed myths of his culture in the story. You can read his interviews, read his personal notes in the manga, find out more about him - such as a bit about his relationship with his brother. Or you don’t. He left it open what kind of interpretations we readers make. That’s alright.

My view is that SNS isn’t stomachable for me from their meeting by the destroyed bridge on (which gets romanticized for some reason). I consider it in canon a toxic relationship regardless whether its romance or not. People can ship toxic relationships. I have my own toxic ships. But I think - I’m as sure as I can be - that Kishimoto didn’t intend to make it such a toxic relationship at the end and that he didn’t intend some other things either (just look at Itachi...). However, the Uchiha clan didn’t get any justice. Naruto knows about the massacre and keeps it secret. And so on... My point is that Kishimoto’s intent isn’t the deciding factor here. What ended up on paper is. I can respect some SNS ships and even a few SS ships who claim to see it in canon plus their plausible theories on what happened off-panel (that respect the boundaries of the on-panel characterization and world-building with Itachi being an uncertain factor because his characterization is a mess) because they are reasonably explained from my point of view. I may criticize that with different degrees of respect depending on what they wrote. I won’t respect SNS or SS ships that don’t claim canon evidence for themselves because there’s nothing to respect - just not to disrespect. Respect means something for me. For example: You don’t get respect for daydreaming. You don’t need respect for it. You just want to daydream without being interrupted by disrespect./ At any rate, my problem with that post wasn’t SNS nor the part of not seeing them as brothers - but the insulting assumptions that even impacted me. So yeah, I took it personal because this person made it personal.

Back to >what’s on paper matters<. I wrote “You can ship what you want. SNS sure makes more sense than SS. But it isn’t a canon fact - only their bond is. Platonic bonds matter. Not everything is about romance.” This means that SNS can be seen as ship, but it doesn’t have to be unlike for example Dai and Tsunade who are a canon ship. They have those moments very clear on paper. There’s nothing subjective about that.

“Kishimoto didn’t show any interest in ordinary romantic relationships - regardless whether they’re straight or gay - in this manga. He clearly wanted Sasuke’s and Naruto’s bond to be viewed with consideration to spirituality and mythology.“ I stand by this. He showed it. It’s on paper. You can imagine something else on top of what’s on paper as long as you realize that it’s not  necessarily canon (I do too.), but what’s on paper is there. I’ll look at the entirety even if I don’t like it. Other people don’t have to, but when they claim that it’s canon/on paper or are insulting like that, then I might write my piece on it. Could I be wrong about it? Of course it’s possible. Then someone can write their piece on it. I’m always happy to read something that furthers my understanding (when it’s fictional. Negative RL new understanding doesn’t necessarily make me happy. For example learning about media propaganda didn’t.) However, when someone projects their own culture on the story for interpretation while also ignoring the “background” of the story itself - even his culture, and then acts as if this can’t be disputed or else you’re ***(insert personal insult), then no. In this case “art is subjective” isn’t enough to stop criticism that may be not respectful enough for some people. Sasuke and Naruto are spiritual brothers. That’s a fact on paper. It was shown. Even in literal words. There’s nothing subjective about it because this is a story full of chakra, reincarnation, Indra, monk/sage, Kyūbi, etc.. The first page of the story in chapter 1 is like a short folktale. It doesn’t even have to be the authors culture that has to be considered here. It’s literally on paper, and just happens to be his culture. It doesn’t make it any less true just because we don’t know the culture.

I’m sorry, but this insistance, when I answered a rude post where you are accused of homophobia when you don’t agree, in Naruto of all fictional stories on “art is subjective” when it’s about the two main characters relationship is strange for me. This is the only fictional story that I know where I consider the authors culture (because it’s on paper so much) to be very important for interpretation. Interpretation, not wishful thinking or whatever. The post that I attacked or whatever included “decoding” and so on. So, yes. It matters to me. Context matters to me in this way. Goddamn it. Naruto uses the word brother [correction: siblings] even in the last chapters, and so on.

You can ignore it if you want to. Everyone knows that they’re not physically brothers. Everyone knows that they weren’t raised together either. It’s not like spiritual brotherhood and SNS can’t be combined if you really want to ship SNS while not ignoring canon. Izanami and Izanagi are siblings and were a couple once upon a time in myth. I admit that I don’t know whether spiritual brotherhood and romantic love at the same time are possible in the theory of the culture. Why would SNS shippers care about that though? If “art is subjective”, then you can at the very least see it as one of those exceptions.

I saw a post where anyone who says that Sasuke and Naruto don’t have a romantic relationship gets accused of being homophobic and heteronormative.

Granted, the tags and content imply it was about Naruhina and Sasusaku shippers and people who are pro ending because of the “het ending”, but that person seriously accused this:

Well, at least you are being consistent. Because people who think Sasuke and Naruto are brothers are the same people who think Sakura and Hinata are feminist role models.

No. Sure there are those who think so, but don’t put everyone in that group just because it’s easier for you.

Sakura and Hinata aren’t feminist role models. Just reading that makes me grimace. I also ship neither Sasusaku nor Naruhina.

Sasuke and Naruto are spiritual brothers. They have their chakra respectively from the biological brothers Indra and Ashura. 

Keep reading

[starfast]

oc questions: 50?

Ok, I did not mean to ignore this question for so long. I couldn't decide who or what I wanted to talk about and I kept putting it off so here's just some fun meta facts about my OCs from various WIPS. I really like talking about the creation aspect of my characters, but I feel like I never get a chance to talk about it

New Vellarton

- One time I read that gloves in movies often symbolizes keeping secrets, so in every scene where Matthew appears it's always mentioned that he's wearing gloves. The first time he's shown to not be wearing them is in book 2 when he finally tells Kit everything in a deathbed confession (except he ends up not dying so I guess it's just a bed confession).

- Matthew was also supposed to die just shortly after the aforementioned confession, but I decided against it even though it is kind of unrealistic. I just felt like it was wasted potential for his character. Like, why have a big reveal and then immediately kill him? It seemed like it would be such a let down. It's kind of more interesting for the story too, to force him to live with the consequences of telling Kit everything.

- Gerard initially had the ability to manipulate people's emotions. I ended up changing it though because it felt like a weird power to give someone who can barely keep his own emotions in check. Aerokinesis is also just way cooler.

Magic Keepers

- Garzlan's birthday is July 1st, which is the day that I finally decided to reboot his character.

- Milo was supposed to just be a placeholder name. It took me years to come up with a real name for him, but by that point I'd grown too used to the name Milo and couldn't picture him being called anything else. So I decided that he would change his name to Milo after he left Arribea so that people wouldn't know his true identity.

- I kind of dislike that his name is Milo because when I first created his character it was like 2007 and it wasn't a very popular name which was kind of why I chose it. But it's really risen in popularity recently so it feels a little more out of place.

- All the boys in Keyla's friend group are left handed. Cal and Taven were always left handed, but then I made Farli left handed as well for a minor plot point. I kind of forgot at that point that Taven was left handed since it wasn't really relevant to the plot.

-Savona's name has changed more than any other character that I have. I don't even remember what her name was originally.

Immortal Minds

- I tell this story all the time but it's so funny to me. But it's cannon that Andor's friends dared him to lick a metal pole in the winter for 50 kroner. I chose 50 because I assumed that the exchange rate would be similar. Turns out that 50 NOK is only worth about 7 CAD, but I never bothered correcting this since somehow this is even more in character for him.

- Ara's birthday is September 29th, or National Coffee Day.

- The only reason why Ara is from Montreal is because I also used to live near there so it was just one less thing that I'd have to research (this is also why the story takes place in Vancouver).

- The idea for Andor's character came from a dream that I had (weirdly, the dream version was more normal).

- Ara was designed to basically be the opposite of Andor, since I needed someone to keep the other characters in line. They pretty much have opposite personalities (with Ara being really serious and introverted, while Andor is an extrovert who has never taken anything seriously in his life). But even their colour palettes are kind of contrasting (Andor wears a lot of bright colours, while Ara mostly wears dark or neutral colours). Even their birthdays fall on opposite times of the year.

- The decision to make Ara aro-ace wasn't really a conscious one. I basically just googled what it meant because I kept seeing people talking about asexuality here but didn't really know what I meant. So I read up on it a bit and was just like, "oh wait, that sounds like Ara." But I also just didn't really see him in a relationship or even really wanting to be in one so that was a contributing factor as well.

That's all I can come up with for now, but I'll probably think of a bunch more later. Thanks for asking @subpar-apocalypse

[definitelynotplanetfall]

so about that orientation/preference brouhaha

Having slept nonzero hours and having mulled this over a bit

I don’t exactly have a horse in this race as a filthy Fake Pseudo Ace That Doesn’t Even Have The Decency To Be Aro Or Gay Or Even Completely Ace I Mean Stolen Valor Much. It’s literally impossible to criminalize not having sex. Utterly unenforceable. I get that I’m not being targeted here and my opinion doesn’t really matter except as a barometer for “is planetfall a good person” (which I am not, and could have told you without any of the fuss). I have no specific love for the phrase “sexual preference,” I don’t think I have ever even used it, but also it’s such a nothing distinction. I do not care that Important Organizations declared it offensive years ago, because the reasoning they used to do so is silly, and of the people I’ve seen saying it definitely is not offensive what on earth are you on about, a bunch of them are LGBTQ.

And again, to address the issue that spawned this specific instance of this discourse, given Barrett’s record and the way homophobes do seem to insist on saying preference, it probably is a signal she intends to use her power in bigoted ways.

But like.

First of all, it is incredibly foot-shooty to say the evidence of her prejudice is the fact that she said “sexual preference” and not “sexual orientation,” which requires a fair bit of contextual understanding to see what the problem is and looks like pedantic hair-splitting without that knowledge, when shit like this exists.

Second - I’m sort of Von Wokensteining here, and to my understanding this entire argument started from one tweet or something similar, and it’d be misleading to assert “this one tweeter is the avatar for progressivism!“

EDIT: That’s not correct, it was a senator at her hearing rather than a rando providing commentary. I should have confirmed this myself and only learned it a few days later. This shows how accusations are taken out of context and passed around demanding judgment. I definitely could have spent more time reading about this incident, because I am a shitty excuse for a person with unlimited time. Every random Joe Blow does not have that luxury.

In my defense I was not paying attention to the hearing because I just assumed she would be maximally bad on all issues, considering who appointed her, and that was not a swamp I really wanted to wade through.

However.

People rushing to defend the assertion that “sexual preference” is self-evidently offensive gives at the very least an impression of a unified ideological coalition.

And, I said this in the last post but it bears repeating, the left lost the right to use “born this way” rhetoric the moment it became a semi-common talking point that you need to challenge your attractions if you aren’t attracted to an adequate cross-section of your area’s ethnic makeup or whatever. To intentionally try to change your attractions. To choose your attractions, if I may be so bold.

The charge against “sexual preference” is that it implies that orientation is a choice, which is supposedly hopelessly reactionary. Even ignoring for a moment that it does not in fact imply this, you do not get to tell people it is indefensible to IMPLY things that your side SAYS OUTRIGHT.

Also, quite frankly, I consider myself to have been made more ace during my lifetime by certain prevalent messages (and other hyper-targeted ones), and like, if the argument is actually that non-innate sexualities are illegitimate, does that mean that there can be no moral objection to someone raping me because the sky wizard said so?

[edit: screaming redacted]

It literally does not matter whether who you’re attracted to is a choice or inborn or whatever because that is not the moral dimension, the moral dimension is “does it hurt anyone?” which it fucking doesn’t why is this so difficult

I don’t give a shit about the rhetoric. The rhetoric sucks. The rhetoric is wrong.

Third, I’m extremely suspicious of any sort of euphemism-treadmill type anything, but one thing that’s especially suspect is when someone says “X term is offensive to Y demographic” against the wishes of that demographic. Like, my circles are not the widest, but I have mostly seen LGBTQ people being upset at being spoken for against their own wishes, sometimes with people chiming in and helpfully saying “no, see, you should be offended! This article says you are offended so stop pretending not to be!”

I am not trying to make a false equivalency of the relative badness levels but please, try to appreciate the poetic irony in unironically deploying “The Dedicated Truth Decreer said the innocuous-on-its-face thing was bad” in this of all possible situations.

It’s the “listen to X (I am not X, and X that disagree with me are not real X so don’t listen to them)” thing. The entire authority of that sort of article rests on the authors speaking for groups, so when members of that group say “this is bullshit pedantry and not offensive, and in fact your declaring it offensive on my behalf makes me feel less safe in places purportedly organized for my benefit” does in fact undermine the authority of those declarations.

Fourth, this is not as strong of an argument and really super tangential, but I’m personally sick of people just... giving things up because bad people claim them. I don’t extend this infinitely, so for instance Hindus trying to reclaim the swastika are probably right on the level of “it is wrong that this important symbol from our culture has been made synonymous with the greatest evil in living memory, and this change should be reverted,” but it’s so culturally ingrained that I don’t know if it is possible to fix at this point.

However, I remember when a bunch of Nazis were like “we own Pepe the frog now” and the response to this was like, “Yeah! Let them grab whatever culture they want, it is tainted by their even saying they want it! Also all Pepe memes made before this point are retroactively fascist!” and just...

That’s fucking transparently stupid. That specific thing has abated and you can find lefty Pepe memes now, nature is healing etc etc, but the “anime = fascist” thing hasn’t and it’s so so mind-numbing that you would just cede entire genres of art and start asserting that anyone who enjoys them is automatically irredeemable without considering what effect this might have on how unhinged you look or your ability to say your ideal world is better than theirs. I remember arguing with someone about this circa 2016 and I said something to the effect of “well what if instead of next they claim jazz” and they said it would suck that nobody could listen to jazz anymore. (iirc, this person was white which makes it extra hilarious/depressing, but the forum thread where it happened seems to be deleted so assume I made this up from whole cloth)

The reason I bring this up is part of the reason people say “it implies orientation is a choice” is because that’s what homophobes say it means (in contradiction to the literal words, naturally) and why they insist on using it. It’s less of a concrete thing, but the two feel isomorphic.

Lastly... OK so in my other post I used sort of a cringy programming metaphor, because I was half asleep so the only part of my brain still functioning was “comprehension of programming problems” amirite fellas. I don’t like definition debates in general but it seems like a lot of the people insisting “preference = choice” are using different definitions, so this is mostly just to show how that is not the only obvious interpretation.

A sexual orientation is a description of what gender(s) someone wants to have sex with.

A preference is a description of what someone wants.

Therefore a sexual orientation is a type of preference.

Note that nothing there says anything about origin or mutabiliy. Just that if you ask someone what their orientation is, you will get information about what they do and don’t want.

I need to stress that based on the context that sparked off this debacle I can understand why someone’s interpretation of the phrase might be “orientation is a choice” - even though I think it’s wrong to assume that’s what is meant by the phrase inherently, it’s a reasonable reaction to pattern-match talking points.

But the other thing is that it’s probably wrong to perma-delete the phrase because it isn’t gibberish.

What I mean by that is I get frustrated whenever someone is talking about an expenditure of energy and time related to feelings, and someone else comes along and screeches “THAT’S NOT WHAT EMOTIONAL LABOR MEANS”

and yes, that is not what the jargon phrase “emotional labor” means

but the person you’re yelling at was in fact describing labor that is emotional, and due to the way English works, you are allowed to delete the “that is” and move the adjective before the noun. Some would even recommend this in the name of concision. (And as I’ve said before, “emotion work” as a substitute phrase is...linguistically unpleasant to say the least.)

Saying that you can’t say “sexual preference” is sort of in the same boat. People will want to talk about preferences that are sexual, because there are more variables than just orientation, but those things still matter and should get a category name and look the entire argument falls apart if you don’t make bizarre assumptions about the connotations of the word “preference” and there are only so many ways I can state that fact.

IN SHITTY CONCLUSION

The fact that I wrote out a giant post defending a phrase I don’t otherwise care about reveals some sort of deep moral failing.

[heero-yuy]

What if Keith was never really supposed to have love interest? DOTU and VF kinda made Keith the default main chara by making him leader and giving him a love story. I read a meta that says Keith having a romantic arc doesnt help in his chara devt bc his thing is about opening himself to many people not zeroing in his focus on just one person. What if they're making Keith a symbol of ace representation?

Well, this is my interpretation of course..

But I feel like Keith already starts the show with having a love interest haha

I dunno if anyone noticed, but atleast until the half of season 3 it is just him zeroing his focus on one person..

Like this is why I was complaining so much about his extreme reaction to Shiro being gone. Because suddenly everything you thought Keith cared about (besides Shiro) flies out of the window and it all narrows down to just one thing - Shiro.

Keith going “screw everyone and everything I just want Shiro back (months or close to a year after Shiro’s disappearance too) is a pretty big deal. You can’t just ignore something like that, specially considering the big focus it got in the show and how it contrasts Pidge looking for Matt (which is done very quietly and without much drama, besides at the beginning when she didn’t even care about team voltron or Allura’s mission).

Also season 3 kinda went even further with it by making parallels between Keith and Zarkon, like you don’t just put parallels between Keith’s feelings for Shiro and Zarkon’s feelings for Honerva, and call one a romance and the other platonic.

I mean you can... And many people do, and this is how it usually goes in every show where you have two guys with really strong feelings for one another haha.

But like if you say Keith’s feelings for Shiro are platonic then you might aswell say Zarkon’s feelings for Honerva are that also. Because whatever that feeling is, it seems like it’s the same ( the ”I will screw over everyone in the universe for you”.) Feelings that extreme and intense (specially between people who are not blood related) are usually used in stories to show romantic love.

And all of Shiro and Keith’s scenes in the show have two very strong feelings about them: intimacy and intensity, and these things dun usually say “platonic”.

Another thing is that the relationship seems to get some of the past Voltron shows romance plotlines

Like why does Sven falls for Romelle in DotU? Because at his lowest and weakest points she was the one who supported him and made him believe in himself. A job that Keith seems to be doing for Shiro this time..

And their relationship seems to be kinda similar to Akira and Fala. (the most developed and believable instance of Kal/lura, that doesn't end up being a thing actually, but unlike the other shallow Kal//lura instances, actually should have!)

So you see, it’s very hard for me to ignore these things and say… yeah those all were kinda romantic plot lines but when it happens between Keith and Shiro it’s all just platonic haha

I mean if Keith or Shiro were a girl I dun think there would be many people who would not see this as a romance.

But something I agree with is that Keith’s character cannot center around Shiro so much. And honestly I wouldn't want it to center around Shiro so much. People complain if a girl character in a love story is all about her feelings for the guy, so it shouldn’t be different here. Keith needs to get some character development that is not Shiro related.

So bad news I guess, but logic says that getting rid of Shiro or separating them  in some way is step one for Keith having any kind of growth.

And I thought this was gonna happen while Shiro was gone, but then he came back so fast and Keith did nothing but cry over him for the period he was gone (besides that one week he took his job seriously). So Keith didn’t really have alot of growth on his own, and didn’t really connect with any other characters much, his character never stopped centering around Shiro from like the minute he was introduced.

So my feeling is that something has to happen that will break this fixation Keith has on him and will let Keith grow as a person and open up more to other people too. 

But also I feel like Shiro and Keith’s character development usually revolves around each other, like they’re intertwined and evolve together, so who knows, maybe it won’t be necessary. 

But again, establishing such strong relationships at the start of the story usually ends in one of the characters death, the characters going against eachother, and sometimes it’s a friends to lovers with many obstacles on the way kind of thing. But usually alot of conflict and pain is a guarantee haha.

So I dunno, Keith having no romantic plot line doesn’t makes sense to me personally, because I feel like he’s already in one since he saved Shiro from the Garrison people haha

But who knows how it’s going to play out and if he’ll ever be brave enough to confess or even admit he has these feelings to himself.

Based on all the previous versions of Keith, I always got the impression he was either aro/ace or gay deep inside tho and just living a lie there with Allura haha