#like am i just not worth it
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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!
there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.
#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually#abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable#it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had#i started taking community classes#if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath#and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment#a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends#a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw#i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!
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nobody gets abed. i got him a little
#am i the stupidest person in the world#does everybody know something i dont#am i broken#am i irreparably fucked up#am i just a giant puzzle to everybody else that no one really cares to solve#like am i just not worth it#is that what it is#if anybody saw right into my mind would they care to stay?#im not an eldritch horror or an asshole i dont think but im weird!!!!!!!!#in a way that just seems to be. a lot of work.#a Lot of work#like i would love to take a break from masking or decoding facial expressions or tones or actual words#or like. the world of fucking stimulus#i cut myself!!!!!#that was great!#for like ten minutes#gonna wear a scrunchie on my wrist tomorrow and if someone sees i guess someone fucking sees#i doubt anyone at work cares enough let alone has any idea what to say#its fine!#i feel stupid#i feel crazy#i uh#if i could hit a button and be done with it all i would in a heartbeat that was true the first day of sixth grade and its been true basicaly#ever since
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Malleus' bday is coming up, thoughts on what his sleepwear might be?
anticipating that reveal any time now, so gotta get my predictions in real quick (aka extremely fast drawings) (I'm sorry)
#art#twisted wonderland#kutsurogi my room#i have never drawn a good malleus in my life and i'm not about to start now#i do want him to have his tail out though#for no reason except to make me happy :)#man. i gave up on pulling for lilia to save for you mal#you better make this worth it#just kidding the idea of malleus in sleepwear is so inherently hilarious it could by anything and it would be worth it#what if it's just malleus in his regular school uniform#he doesn't sleep. he has no sense of time. he shows up to the library at 2am and is like 'am i late for the housewarden meeting'#yuu gets up in the middle of the night for a snack and malleus is just there. sitting in the rafters.#'the cracks in your ceiling plaster are particularly nice tonight human child'#'yeah okay cool tsunotarou. you want a hot chocolate or something'#'...yes please'
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i'm exactly as normal about him as I thought I'd be
#my art#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#trigun#trigun vash#vash#tristamp#trigun stampede fanart#trigun fanart#idk the tags fr this fandom sorry its babys first trigun#im not abandoning jjk but expect more other stuff sprinkled in!! including trigun <333 including him <3#ANYWAY IM SOOOOO NORMAL ABTHIM IM SO NORMAL I PROMISE#im lying im sorry im feral about him i want unspeakable things done 2 him it was over the moment i heard his voice#but [redacted] thoughts aside#hes so fun to draw oh my god how did they make a character Exactly For Me how did they make one that ticks all my boxes#hes blond but like i can work with it i will get good at rendering blond hair for him <333 hes worth it <333333#i was cruisin along mindin my business having fun learning how 2 draw him and then i get 2 the arm . +24hrs to total drawtime#all my cheats ...my safety net of being able 2 use flesh to disguise th fact that u dont reeeeally know where tendons or joints go...#out th window. this prosthetic is practically an anatomically correct model. u can see EVERYTHINg#put my entire me into trying to figure it out h i think it is ok i think i like it#god i rly cant get over how he's just a combination of all the fun parts of drawing yuuji megumi AND gojo#he is the center of their triple venn diagram and i am EATING HIM ALIVE#sorry ill calm down .... fr now.... smile :)
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“gay son or thot daughter,” you start to ask, but you can’t even finish your sentence because cosmo and wanda heard “gay son” and immediately started cheering and clapping
#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#pansy-art#When your world doesnt have homophobia so you (incorrectly) thought maybe#just once#you had ONE THING about yourself that your parents wouldnt need to be insanely overly supportive about#I dont really want my account to gain numbers here because i am Not gonna post that much about them#But i blacked out and ended up accidentally spending like 6 hours on this so i need oyher people to laugh so its worth it /hj
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they went from "when i feel friendship for you, i feel ashamed" to their souls reuniting in death holding hands watching the sunset
#they outsold everyone i'm afraid#ship of all time#they're t'hy'la your honour#star trek#spirk#but like#not just in universe#something something 'if that was the particular style of the 23rd century'#am i making sense#like they're an allegory for forbidden relationships and forbidden feelings#AND THEY WERE TOGETHER IN THE END#it was all worth it#yknow??
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I have a headache because of MOMU (from 72th chapter) (Also will link this art by Kef because for god's sake my brain took angles from here)
#I could not not appreciate well built scene for a kiss kill me#reading non stop for several days like a potato worth it damn it#I can't even get to 73 chapter properly I had to take a break fejshjhefqkw#I fricking can't from how well characters are from every side#I did not expect to see the other side of Soundwave in here#All the moments interactions and stuff ahdhgash the final part with how#Jazz technically led a rescue operation and aserhags Ironhide: What the frag?#The. Brain f***ery with Jazz and Prowl to the very end where only. Trust works. Not believe but trust#Yeah let me out for a bit I need a fresh air breath and suffocate#animation tag#momu fanart#transformers#maccadam#jazz#prowl#jazzprowl#wait I just checked#Kef I am sorry AHGDAH my mind used your poses it banged in my brain too hard WHEEEEEZEEEE
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The leftism/anticapitalism leaving people's bodies the zeptosecond you imply that disabled people who aren't "productive" still matter in society and need to be treated like intrinsic equals who have a place in this world:
#disability#disability advocacy#described images#image description in alt#ableism#ableism tw#my full-time job is my disability and you're lucky that i am still 'productive' as-is#your boss doesn't care that you think you're superior for being hired by them. they're still going to treat you like profit machines#it astounds me how people will capitulate for oppression because they place their intrinsic value in their ability to be at the top...#...or at least 'at the top' compared to others. it's the same impulse that makes people think their cisgender status makes them superior...#...you are placing your worth into systems which not only oppress others but offer you no true sense of worth...#...ESPECIALLY if you're also being exploited (even if just a bit)...#...you have a job sure but... do you actually get treated like a human being? are you actually paid? are you actually safe?...#...if the answer to any of those questions and more is 'no' then why do you place your value in capitalistic production. genuinely.#and why would you DEMAND disabled people to have the same exploitation you experience. why do you DEMAND productivity if you are proletaria#yes being a leftist and anticapitalist are linked but. some people still internalize capitalism without questioning it#being a leftist is about challenging that rather than assuming you're correct i think#also scientists were very silly when describing time that's like. less than a millisecond i think
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I truly, TRULY do not know how to say this, because the fact that I have to say it makes me feel like I am losing my grip on reality. But no, in the post-capitalistic anarchist utopia, I will not be relying on “autistic minecraft girlies” to be building inspectors because - and this may shock you - one of those occupations takes years of education in how to read and interpret hundreds of thousands of lines of regulations based on complicated math and physics that were the result of decades of tragedy and death, and the other one involves playing a children’s video game.
#i am begging this website. BEGGING it. to stop acting like building codes are state oppression#and please stop reducing blue collar jobs to 'so easy any handyman could do it with a youtube video'#that's how people fucking die#i didn't spend five years learning how to do my job safely to watch people online tell me it could've just been a course in high school#i know that this is like. a minority minority opinion and not really worth getting worked up over#but it's so annoying to see supposed leftists denigrating blue collar jobs like this#same poster also opined that we won't need garbagemen#because 'if the trash is bothering people they'll figure out a way to clean it without having to pick it up'#like what??? does that even fucking mean????#construction
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there's something so incredibly sweet about how many times davrin notes in his journal that talking to rook helped him with something. he keeps bringing them out to touch grass and gaze at nugs out in the woods with him which I think must be very good for them, and their company clearly helps him work through and get more clarity on things he's been stuck on emotionally. it's just kind of lovely and a great little nuance in that relationship.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#davrin#now picture davrin shaking rye by the shoulders (gently lifting him off the ground in the process thanks to the height difference)#and lovingly yelling 'ALLOW ME TO PROTECT AND CARE FOR YOU BACK OR SO HELP ME YOU LITTLE SHIT!!'#and that's basically their late-game dynamic fhsdja#rye spends an embarrassingly long time genuinely believing that davrin thinks he's an idiot. self-worth so abysmal#he cannot pick up on the myriad context clues that this is perhaps Not the case and that davrin in fact trusts him so deeply#it finally clicks literally only in the moment when davrin asks him to help decide the future of the griffons. y'know. we got there#it was kind of embarrassing for everyone involved but the realization did dawn finally lmao#just got to the post weisshaupt talk with him on this playthrough and I am In Agony#also when he says 'make it count I can only die once' and it felt like a knife in the gut! fun times. video games are fun
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so i remembered daily comic day this year and i am paying for it
#my art#hourlies#hourly comics day#hourly comic#chalk#oc#i'm dying and passing out and dying and throwing up and crying#this is just like when i was a stupid student having to cram weeks worth of work into a day because i procrastinated#AHHHHHHHHHHHHH#okay i'm fine#this is the most boring day of my LIFE and here i am writing a comic about it. god#i swear sometimes my life is more interesting#i love watching the quality deteriorate over time#okay. i'm posting this to bsky then i'm going to bed so i can forget about this ordeal#in all seriousness it was a lot of fun i'm just tired. drew way more than i thought i could#OH YEAH and for the record i never even finished the crossword#too busy writing three comic panels about it to finish it#AHGGHHHH#the crossword is a new thing to me i started it late last year. new addition to my life to fill the gap splatoon left
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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I find the fact that the confrontation at the end of UTRH is often summarized as Jason asking Bruce to kill the Joker for him fascinating.
Because that's not what happened.
Jason holds a gun up to Joker's head, gives Bruce another, and tells him that if Bruce doesn't do something (shoot Jason), he will kill Joker.
Jason doesn't give the gun to Bruce so that he would shoot Joker. He isn't expecting Bruce to pull the trigger on the clown. He's asking Bruce to do nothing. To be inactive. Because that will still be a choice, and despite having done nothing, everybody clearly agrees that Bruce would still, at least in part, be responsible for Joker's death.
...And to me, this moment is a kind of- microcosm, of the rest of Jason's point. Because after being captured and carted off to Arkham, the villain will escape again, and will kill more people. The only way to truly prevent that from happening would be to kill them; Bruce refuses to do so, and I respect his right to choose such a thing for himself, but it is still a choice, and if we agree that Bruce's inaction during the confrontation would leave him at least partly responsible for the Joker's death, then we must also agree that his inaction in permanently preventing the Rogues from killing more people means he is also, partly, responsible for all of those deaths.
#my dc posting#batman#dc#bruce wayne#jason todd#joker#uhh is this like analysis or meta#anyway. to me this is the message that scene sends#if we say bruce doing nothing would mean he assisted in the murder of joker then bruce doing nothing about the villains means he is also#responsible for those deaths#ANYWAY yes b4 you come at me;;#bruce's belief in rehabilitation and that everyone can get better is central to his character#and i love it and no i dont actually think he should kill the rogues or whatever#but the question there is. Are you fine with the future victims your decisions will cause?#Are their lives worth the slim chance any of these people will get better?#batman says yes theyre worth it. red hood says no theyre not.#thats the fundamental moral difference there#its why jason challenges the batman status quo#which is why he cant be harnessed well after his initial return bc comics can never truly escape that status quo#anyway i sure am having some thoughts for someone not that smart so if you disagree please tell me!!! just be civil or ill just block you <#...anyway this is another thing BTAS succeeds in bc i always feel like yes these villains do deserve yet another chance#despite what theyve done. bruce's belief in them doesnt feel stupid and naive#its abt what you yourself can live with. bruce can live w the deaths of the ppl the criminals he doesnt get rid of kill#and jason can live with killing those criminals and preventing further victims
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恵 ; "blessing"
12/22: consider this piece my love letter to a character who has become so near and dear to me and who has inspired so much of my artistic growth this past year <3 happy birthday megumi, your name becomes you ⊹ ࣪ ˖
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#jjk megumi#jujutsu kaisen fanart#when i tell u i worked on this piece for 7 days for 12hrs/day i am not exaggerating#i wanted to pull out all the stops i wanted this to be a full showcase of my skills#i was worried abt the angle bc birdseye/lookdown angles r always tricky and looking at it a month later i think i wld change some stuff but#overall i'm just so satisfied the background the flowers the colours#which btw the flowers KILLED me the rosary KILLED me his entire hand and sleeve area had me like why did i do this#but it was worth it it's all for him everything is for him id do ANYTHINg fr him do u understand me do. do you. do u understaND#if all i can offer him in tribute is art then u best bet i'm not gna cut corners#if that means hand rendering each individual turquoise vein and jade bead and paper fold then that's what i'll do#hbd again megumi u truly have become my muse <3
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/93af743619798d7ce8ce831d9f3642c7/0c29e78baf94ef13-14/s540x810/383e3b61d49b13f886b5e2131ebf6fba1aeca528.jpg)
#enki ankarian#fear and hunger#cahara of the south#d’arce cataliss#ragnvaldr#funger#I feel like I’m spamming the Enki tag on tumblr and I feel bad LOL#sorrryyyyyyy am just autistic abt my wife#I’m not an artist by any means and I barely write anything worth sharing (but you best believe I write!!)#so instead I just silly mode this mf until I am blocked by 90% of tumblr for being too annoying#OHHH YEAH that’s what it is I’m scared that people will go thru the Enki tag to see something cool bc he is a rly neat guy#and instead they come across 70+ posts from tumblr user fearfulandhungry about Enki ripping my arms off and giggling#le sigh le sigh Le sigh
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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