#like also the way they tell owen that he has a pretty face so if he smiles he can surely get ppl to do things for him

[flovverworks]

been thinking about it again lately, but the way akira spends most first meetings & some early events calling the wizards handsome/'are all wizards this pretty?!'/the 'wow they look like models' comment in that one summer event. like. the way akiras 2 big commentating points are ure pretty & what kind of cat u remind them off is so funny

[bartxnhood]

cowboy casanova | t.o

tyler owens x fem!reader

based on this request: “Omg, how about Tyler Owens comforting reader on their first storm chase, maybe she’s really nervous or scared and he’s like don’t worry I ain’t gonna let anything happen to you… something like that???”

warnings: depictions of a tornado, reader has a panic attack. severe damage to homes and buildings.

w/c: 1.7k

a/n: thank you for the request! i added a touch of a backstory to help the plot go forward. i hope that’s okay!! i’m also currently in the theater about to watch it again (i saw it last night lol) enjoy <3

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2024 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

you see a man standing in a wide-open field, as the sky above you darkened to a menacing shade of gray. the once-gentle breeze turns into a fierce, howling wind, and you feel a sense of unease settle in the pit of your stomach.

you were assigned to follow him and his crew around while they chased these monstrous tornadoes then went in and dissolved the threat. you worked for a huge journaling company from the north, but you grew up in arkansas and became familiar with these devastating weather patterns.

now, you were in oklahoma where you’d be joining this storm chaser during a week-long chase.

“you ready to chase some storms?” his back was still towards you, and his southern drawl was familiar.

as the man in the maroon shirt and white cowboy hat, spun on his heels to face you, you were taken aback.

tyler owens.

“y/n?”

his blood ran cold, not expecting to see you after all of these years. you laughed in disbelief, “this is crazy..” you shook your head and crossed your arms, shifting your weight to one leg.

“you’re the journalist?”

you and tyler go way back. the two of you were in school together, majoring in meteorology.he started chasing these storms, becoming famous on campus.

but, it all came to a head one day when you got trapped and lost your best friend. that’s when you dropped meteorology and took up journalism. you documented the destruction, the path, how they moved, etc.

and now, you were writing about who was called the tornado wrangler. you should’ve done your research but you didn’t want the assignment.

but, he had become so popular with his crew. they’d go inside the twisters and release a mixture to help dissolve the storm. and it worked.

“you’re the wrangler?” you ask, and tyler laughs. that signature laugh that always made you want to punch him in his pretty little face.

tyler turns around and rests his hands on his hips. “what do you see?”

the wind picks up even further, swirling around you in a dizzying dance, pulling at your clothes and hair. you sigh, taking a few steps closer till you are standing next to him.

“there” you point to the east, the air was thick with an unsettling hum as a dark mass loomed on the horizon. the skies darkened further, and a chilling gust of wind whipped up debris and sent trees bending at unnatural angles.

"another one" he murmured, eyes locked on the clouds as his adrenaline spiked and his lips pulled into a smile that he couldn't help but wear every time a storm was brewing.

glancing over at you he tried to hide the excitement in his chest that he felt when one appeared, but tyler knew hiding your feelings from another storm chaser was like trying to hide a tornado in an open field.

"how much do you wanna bet it'll touch down two miles east of our position" he teased, eyes scanning the clouds for clues.

“mm” you shake your head, even though you hadn’t done it in years you still had it. “three.” you continue, then point to the wind and how it carries against the wheat field.

“look at the way the wind is carrying. it’ll go east and hit north. perfect conditions,” you add crossing your arms

“i think you have yourself a ef5.”

uou had it. the intuition to tell where a storm was going to go by only looking at the clouds, the way the winds were blowing, and the speed at which the storm moved.

tyler had a similar gift, every storm chaser had it, but he had never met someone who could predict the size of a storm, which was a rarity he had never seen before.

“ah EF5, huh? i’ll hold you to that. If you’re wrong, you’re buying me a beer.”

tyler owens would be the death of you.

“i’m not buying you anything, owens.”

you load up into his truck, snapping pictures of forming a storm. he was flooring the red truck in a wheat field right towards the storm so he could get ahead of it.

“ya miss it?” he yells, over the thunder. occasionally turning his head to look at you. you say nothing, continuing to snap pictures.

“sometimes.” you blurt, not looking back at him. “i just don’t miss the destruction” you continue, rolling up the window and reviewing the photos.

“you were good,” he says, one hand on the steering wheel and eyes still taking glances at you. “mm” you just hum in response, not wanting to talk about your storm chasing days.

suddenly, a funnel begins to descend from the clouds, growing larger and more ominous by the second. the air around you crackles with anticipation, and you realize that you are witnessing the terrifying formation of a tornado. an EF5.

this was the second time you had ever seen an EF5 form in front of you, this was frightening.

you held onto your camera tightly as tyler drove right towards the black abyss. “shit..” you mumble quietly.

as the rain beat down on the windshield, the engine's roar could hardly be heard above the gathering storm.

tyler's truck sped through the wide-open fields, creating a trail of dirt and dust in their wake. with his eyes locked on the approaching storm, he clinched his teeth and gripped the steering wheel firmly like a man about to die.

he had chased tornadoes before, but never an EF5. the adrenaline in his veins was making his heart race and his senses heighten as he pushed the truck to drive faster, the roar of the wind and thunder in their ears.

“what a beauty” he muttered, admiring the sheer force and size of the storm in front of them.

as your heart pounded furiously in your chest, you felt a sudden tightening of the breath in your lungs.

your mind raced with panicked thoughts, each one more terrifying than the last. you fought to stay calm, but the fear was overwhelming, like a living entity trying to consume you whole.

sweat beaded on your forehead, and your hands trembled as you held the camera. the world around them seemed to blur and spin out of control, like the tornado in front of them.

"tyler, we should go back," you yelled. tyler smiled, eyes fixed on the whirling green giant in front of him.

he yells, "not a chance, l/n. look at it!" as he maneuvers through the difficult terrain. “we can’t give up now!”

“stop!” you proceeded to yell, flashes of that night you lost your best friend. the way the sky looked, how it sounded, the rain on your skin, how cold you were. it was all flashing in front of you, experiencing the whole thing again.

tears brim your eyes, your body shaking like a leaf. “please! just stop!” you yell over the growl of the thunder clapping.

tyler’s heart sank to his stomach as he heard the raw emotion in your voice. he had teased you and challenged uou, but now it was clear that this was not just another storm for you.

it was a personal struggle that was tearing you apart and he had triggered it with his arrogance.

without a word, he stomped on the brakes and brought the truck to a screeching halt, his own heart racing against his ribs.

"y/n, look at me," he said, voice suddenly hoarse and quiet.

you’re gasping for air, pulling at the collar of your crewneck. the cab of the truck felt like it was closing in on you, you unbuckled the seat belt and tried to unlock the door. “i can’t do this” your bottom lip begins to quiver. “i have to..i gotta get out of here.”

you can’t even bring yourself to look at him. your mind is fogged with the traumatic experience of the last time you were caught in the eye of a storm like this.

tyler’s heart dropped as he saw you struggling, your gasping breaths and trembling body. he reached over to her, gently grabbing your wrist, preventing you from opening the door of the truck.

“hey, hey, whoa. look at me, look at me, please.” he pleaded, his voice firm but surprisingly gentle.

he reached out and took your chin, gently turning your head to face him. his eyes searched yours for a moment before narrowing in concern.

“y/n, listen to me. you need to breathe, sweetheart.”

your breathless, unable to think straight until your eyes meet his sea green orbs. you take in a deep breath and mirror tyler’s breathing.

inhale, exhale.

you repeated this until you eventually calmed down.

your hands continue to tremble as you speak, “tyler, i cannot do this. i just can’t.” hour southern drawl escaping. “it’s too much”

tyler watched as your rapid breathing slowly began to match his own, your hand gripping his tightly. his heart ached as he saw the fear and the anguish in your eyes, and knew that this was not just a simple fear of storms.

it was a trauma, something deeply personal, that had left a permanent mark on your soul.

he gently raised his other hand to your face, gently stroking your cheek with his thumb, trying to soothe you. “i know, i know” he whispered, his own tone gentle and soft.

“ain’t nothin gonna happen to you, kay? i won’t let it.” he assures your worries, wiping away the stray tear that escaped your eyes then tucked some hair behind your ear.

“i’ve got you.” he continues. you watch as his attention goes from you to the tornado in front of you. “if you want me to take you back i need to know, now” he says, looking back at you.

you sniffle, following his gaze to the twister.

if he could stop something like this it would be a huge achievement to the community. no more damage, no more homelessness. it would all be fixed.

“no..” you begin, and find your eyes back on him. “i’ll be fine.”

tyler nods, putting the truck into drive. one hand on the steering wheel and the other reaching for yours, giving you a reassuring squeeze. “you’ll be fine, city girl.”

you choke out a laugh, and shake your head.

“then, let’s chase this beaut!” he yips and slams his foot on the gas and takes off towards the monster of a tower.

[dorayakichan]

hii! could I plz req a nsfw alphabet for owen? thank u!

Owen Knight (N)SFW alphabet

A/N: Thank you for your request! It was my first time doing this so I tried my best. I really hope you like it. Feedback would be very much appreciated!

A=Aftercare (what they are like after sex…)

He is the king of aftercare, the best of the best. As soon as he finishes he will take a moment to admire your gorgeous naked figure in front of him. Making him feel a sense of satisfaction and indescribable happiness. Although the slightest wince coming from you will have his expression change into a worried one as he will gently move away from you, giving you a small kiss on your hand or forehead, and go to the bathroom. Hoping you are not yet asleep he will come, and even if you refuse, telling him he doesn’t have to do that he will lift you up and take you straight to the warm bath which he prepared where he won’t let you do anything on your own. He will be doing all the work while also gently kissing any kind of bruise he has left behind on your body

B=Body part (favorite body part of theirs and their partners…)

Owen’s favorite body part is obviously his face. Have you seen the man? He is way too handsome and he knows that very well. 

While his favorite body part of yours, well that is hard. Is there a place in your body that doesn’t look perfect to Owen? I don’t think so. To him, everything about you from your body to personality is just perfection. But if he has to pick one is your thighs he finds them extremely attractive and loves touching, kissing, and licking them while you do it.

C=Cum (anything to do with cum basically... I'm a disgusting person)

Owen loves painting your whole body with his cum. There is something so hot about looking at your exhausted state while breathing heavily, with cum all over you. The way the white liquid drips all over your body, the way your eyes look at him covered all in white. He just loves that. Certainly, he cleans you right after that, there is no way he would leave his beautiful girl like that and leave.

D= Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Your voice arouses him. He found that out when he was once talking to you on the phone. You were speaking so sweetly and your tone was so alluring that it made him hard. Being in a long-distance relationship makes it even harder for the both of you to enjoy that sweet physical intimacy that you both so much desire. Sometimes, he calls you just so he can relieve himself while listening to your beautiful voice talking about how you’re feeling, what has happened lately, or even a book or movie you’re obsessed with lately. He knows it’s wrong, thankfully you have never heard him and he wishes you never will.

E=Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

Owen’s only experience comes from watching porn. He has never done it with anyone else before. You are the first and last one as he says. Although not much like porn he still has a vague idea of what he is doing, also he is very perceptive of every moan or movement you make in order to understand what you like and dislike, so he can become better for you.

F=Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Any kind of position that allows him to look at your face is his favorite. He just wants to have a view of your face,  at you while he is moving in and out of you. Your swollen lips, your glistening eyes, and all the expressions you make as you moan out his name. It gets him more excited, especially when you extend your arms, asking for a kiss, which he happily obliges. 

G=Goofy (are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc..)

Intimate times with Owen are not goofy but they have a lot of teasing from his side. It’s always him complimenting you in the middle of it by saying how amazing you are and how perfect you look that sometimes embarrasses you tremendously. But that’s his goal. He wants to see your red blushy face trying to hide from him. 

H=Hair (how well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He is neat and keeps his hair neatly groomed. Although he has previously asked you if you wanted him to have them in any other way he would be open to something new. Earning a punch from you as you ran embarrassed away.

I=Intimacy (how are they during the moment, romantic aspect...)

Owen is gentle, so gentle and sweet he does leave hickeys on your body but he also kisses them after. He kisses every single part of your body, moving his hand delicately all over you. He is not rough unless you ask him to. And even when you ask he is very observant so that he won’t hurt you unintentionally. 

J=Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

As said before he does it quite a lot due to the long distance but even then is because of a picture you send him, of a phone call with you, or even a video call. Just the idea of you is enough to make him hard so he has to. But when you are together that never happens after all he has you for that.

K=Kink (one or more of their kinks)

His kinks aren’t many but they include slight voyeurism, during your intimate times he will sometimes even beg to see you finger yourself, the way your slender fingers move in and out of your womanhood, the way you stimulate your clit with the other hand sending you to orgasm, has Owen cumming even more than you. He also loves it when you talk dirty to him or order him around telling him what to do and how to do it with confidence he just loves to see those fierce eyes of yours take control. Yeah, he is slightly submissive too.

L=Location (favorite places to do the deed)

Usually, as long as the place is comfortable for you to lay at then that’s all Owen wants. Be it the couch, or the bed if you seem to be okay then he will proceed. There are times he won’t be as mindful but these are quite rare times when he is jealous, or if someone else tries to flirt with you, he will take you to the nearest place he sees appropriate enough and proceed on claiming every inch of you. Even in those moments he will be mindful of your feelings and words and won’t try to force it if you don’t want to.

M=Motivation  (what turns them on, gets them going)

He goes feral especially when you wear something revealing or sexy. Especially for your intimate moments a sexy set of lingerie is always a great way to make the man lose all his composure and bounce on you like a beast in heat. 

N=NO (something they wouldn't do, turn-offs)

He is willing to do anything with you as long as it doesn’t cause you discomfort, or pain or put you at any sort of risk. So even if you ask him it will be really hard convincing him and even if you do get him to finally accept he won’t be enjoying it. 

O=Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He is the best pleaser you’ve met and will ever meet in your life. He is mainly addicted to you sitting on his face. He enjoys the feeling of eating you out the way his face is suffocated by your thighs or your cunt and the way you grind yourself on him the more you feel the coming of your release, he enjoys it all. 

If you are up for it then he is okay with it. In reality, he loves it but whenever you take it all inside pushing his member inside your throat nearly choking as tears come out from your eyes he can’t help but feel a pang in his heart. He knows you do it because you want to, yet he can’t stand looking at your teary eyes. It just doesn’t feel right to him.

P=Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual?)

It depends on the mood. There are days when his pace is slow but his thrusts are deep and hard as his cock strokes your walls sending immense waves of pleasure with every thrust. Sure there will also be days when he is fast, he naturally tries not to be rough but if you both are going crazy needy for each other then it can happen that you won’t feel your legs the next morning.

Q=Quicky (their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often)

He is not a fan of quickies but there are some special moments when a quickie is all he needs. That usually happens before an important race. If he is too tense he will look at you with puppy eyes and no matter where you are, you both will find a place just so you can help him relieve the stress he is in. 

R=Risk (are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc..)

Yes, if you ask him. Any kind of gameplay you want to have that doesn’t involve hurting you and putting you in pain he is up for it.

Also, he doesn’t want to risk getting caught while doing it, especially having anyone see your most vulnerable state. But he definitely loves getting caught kissing you and groping you showing everyone that you are only his. 

S=Stamina (how many rounds can they go for, how long?) 

Babe, Owen is an athlete getting tired? What a joke. With you, he can go on for a whole week if he can. Adding to the fact that you have a long distance relationship he surely needs his dose of you at the highest amount he can get it.

T = Toy (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Owen is not the type to prefer toys he is very confident in what he himself can offer with his body. That changes though if you want toys then he will buy you anything you want and even if those toys are to be used on him he is good with it. In fact, he has actually started enjoying them but he will never admit that fact to you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Besides edging and talking dirty to you he is not as much of a teaser as you are. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make)

He is good at keeping his volume down except when you put him into a position of submission then some moans will escape out of him but that is the furthest he can get. Usually grunts, growls, and sighs at most.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

After a race or a long time of having worked hard, he sometimes gets a random surprise of you visiting him. He comes home, turns on the lights, and then walks up to his room to take off his clothes only to find you in a sexy set of lingerie drinking wine and waiting for him on a bed full of white rose petals. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Owen has quite a long and girthy cock which is circumcised. More importantly, the veins that line his cock are a true sight to behold. 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It depends on what you do and how you look. There are days that when looking at you or talking with you gets him so hard, he lifts you walking straight to the bedroom and won't stop the whole day if possible going at it like rabbits. It’s all your fault how you are able to awaken all the lust residing in this guy's body so accept the consequences.

Z = ZZZ (…. how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He doesn’t fall asleep until you do, only in rare moments after he has exhausted all his energy he will fall first, and even then he needs to be holding you in his arms so he can peacefully fall asleep. 

[lovebillyhargrove]

Billy opens his eyes in September 1985, in Hawkins hospital, and he's not happy to be alive. If you asked him, he would've preferred to stay dead or — unfortunately he never was dead — in a coma. Lying in bed like a withering away vegetable, blissfully unaware of his own existence or non-existence.

Gods have not been that merciful. Hargrove wakes up and doesn't even know his own body anymore. He needs to learn everything anew, starting with walking, or eating usual food — like an 18-year-old baby, for fuck's sake.

He's also bitter at everyone — yeah, for not fucking telling him !!

Except for Neil. Neil gets another kind of bitterness — quieter, darker, drowned in neverending pain.

Max gets a

"Fuck off, Maxine and shut the damn door." Said to the wall.

The gang of monster-hunters aren't even allowed to take a peek at her angry (and "that dude is so badass") brother.

Owens gets a

"Just leave me alone, Doc. I'm clean, and don't give a fuck about conquering the world anymore. Wasn't able to take a piss without a catheter until recently. I've got problems of a different level to deal with now."

When Steve opens the door to Billy's room, he actually gets talked to.

"Billy? .. Can I come in? .. Hey .. Hi."

Hargrove doesn't look like himself. He's too skinny, un-tanned, has some kind of a scanty beard, even longer hair, and looks like Jesus Christ.

Steve still can't believe it's happening. To come back to life after what Billy's been through? Impossible.

Maybe they put a dummy in the hospital bed.

The dummy opens its eyes, reluctantly turns its head towards Harrington, who is still hovering over the threshold, and doesn't say a word.

"How ..?" Steve's clearing his throat, cause sounds suddenly get stuck in it. "How are you .. feeling?"

The mannequin, who is probably Billy after all, blinks sadly and curls his lips

"Awesome, amigo."

Whew, damn, he's talking.

"Does .. does anything hurt?"

The guy looks at him like he's the dumbest idiot

"My ass hurts. I've been lying here for so long, I don't even know anymore if I have one or not."

Harrington wants to giggle, but that would sound extremely impolite.

He bites his lower lip.

"You look good."

Billy grins maliciously, and Steve is still shifting from foot to foot

"You're.." What's wrong with him?

"Listen, you're.."

"Get out."

"Uhm .. what?"

"You think you're so .. nice? Paying a visit to a poor sick guy? Why? To be a good fucking person? Get the fuck out of here."

"A good .. what?!" Steve tries to move closer to the bed but .. that's definitely stupid. He just feels like a ridiculous scarecrow in the field, with his ears burning

"That's not .. Hargrove. I actually .."

"Fuck you. I don't need you to come here."

"Okay, just .."

"Get lost!" Billy raises his voice

"Can I .."

"NURSE !!"

God.

"Alright! Get better!"

Asshole. Steve slams the door.

***

Three days later, he again tries to visit the boy who is definitely a nobody to him, and Billy again refuses to see him.

You know what, this is just too much ..! Silly games in the sandbox.

As if they weren't two reasonable adults. As if Steve hadn't watched Hargrove die horrifically, and as if he hadn't accompanied him to the hospital in the ambulance that night. Well, he himself was pretty beaten up, and needed a ride to the hospital, so it was kinda .. on the way, but still.

He sort of cared.

Was worried sick, to be honest.

And, listen, Steve generally doesn't take rejection well when he cares about something. Someone.

He's also sure of one thing — water wears the stone away.

So Steve shows up at the hospital again. Just to remind Billy of his existence, hang around the hallway, and when the door opens, give him a deliberately friendly smile and a wave of his hand.

Maybe he's here not to see Hargrove at all, he's got other stuff to do. Maybe he was just passing room number eight by accident.

Harrington is amused at Billy's face every time the guy catches a glimpse of Steve in his vicinity.

The patient either switches on complete indifference and sits there with a pompous ass face, as if they don't even know each other, or hisses like a pissed off cat.

Or he conspiratorially whispers something to the nurse when Harrington peers through the half-closed door — most likely asking her not to let Steve into the room under any circumstances.

But the former king didn't fall off the banana truck either. He has his own ways of influencing others — and begs nurse Miller, who seems to him more compassionate than nurse Fieldstone, to pass Hargrove a note

Dude, talk to me.

Steve turns to Max with a request — to collect some tapes from her brother's room, Metallica, Scorpions, Ratt, Mötley Crüe and his other favorite bands,

And asks Mrs. Miller to give them to the moody patient along with an expensive new Sony cassette player, which Harrington bought yesterday on Main Street.

The next day the player is waiting for Steve at the reception — Billy refused to accept the gift, but Harrington does not give in.

"Could you please put it in the drawer of the bedside table, preferably when he is asleep?"

The plan seems to have worked, at least the player is no longer returned. The guy must be climbing walls from hospital boredom.

One day Harrington gets lucky — he's going up to the second floor and bumps into Hargrove, who is being wheeled somewhere in a chair

"Oh, hi! Hello, Mrs. Miller!"

The nurse nods to him. Billy will not make a scene in front of all people, so he reluctantly grits out through his teeth

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"Great."

Steve notices Billy's cheeks turning pink, and the boy is hiding his eyes — he's obviously not very happy that they met like that, when he is in such a helpless state, for Hargrove has always been the machiest macho, hated any manifestation of weakness. And here he is — in a wheelchair.

"Where are you going?"

The guy's patience snaps loose

"Fuck off, will you?"

Well, let's not tempt the fate too hard.

"Have a nice day, Billy!" Steve is impeccably polite, unlike the frowning patient. However, was that not a whole conversation?

Harrington definitely calls it progress.

..

One wonderful autumn day, Steve decides to take an ultimate risk. He is in great mood, and he wants to share it.

Harrington swerves through the streets, listening to the radio while driving, a soft smile playing on his lips. On the way to the hospital, he stops at the "Hawkins Bloom" flower shop and buys a bouquet. Whether it's chrysanthemums or dahlias, he doesn't know.

"What kind of flowers does your girlfriend prefer? Here's a beautiful autumn combination .."

"That's not for a girlfriend. It's uh .. for a friend .. he's in hospital? Something more modest, perhaps? But tasteful. Not cheap."

He feels like he's making excuses

Why the hell ..?

Jesus.

Billy definitely won't like this idea, but Steve's gonna do it anyways.

Cause he feels like it. That's valid enough.

So Steve buys the flowers and brings them to the room. He enters brazenly, without asking permission, puts them on the nightstand and moves it away from the bed — so that Billy cannot reach the bouquet and throw it at the visitor.

Oh, and let Hargrove puff, huff and even chuckle stupidly a couple of times as much as he wants — nothing escapes Steve's attentive eyes — blushing and demanding

"Take away these ugly fucking twigs! Are you out of your fucking mind, Harrington?"

Also, threatening him with physical violence

"I would so whip your ass with it, honestly."

Now that's an interesting offer, now we're talking

Harrington only winks at him, smiles

"Get well, okay?"

And rushes out of the room.

..

Like hardest ice under the persistent heat of the bright spring sun, Hargrove has no choice but to start thawing off, little by little.

One day, Steve arrives at the hospital during reception hours, pokes his head into room number eight

"So how are you? Maybe we should talk?"

Hargrove defiantly rolls his eyes and sighs as though he's so hopelessly tired

"You're such a fucking pain in the ass."

Steve shrugs.

"We are broken up anyway, even though we weren't even together for real, Harrington. Never. For the record. So don't get too carried away."

Billy keeps on grumbling

"You think you brought flowers, gifts, notes, so what? I'm not your chick, for fuck's sake!"

"Well, can we be friends?"

"Nah."

That's fine. He'll come around.

Oh, and did Steve forget to mention they did hook up before all the Mindflayer business went down? Must've slipped his mind in all the commotion.

[paperstorm]

The argument/make-up in 2x04 is really one of my favourite Tarlos stories because I just love when conflict in fiction is the direct result of two people’s individual traumas bumping up against each other, rather than someone being a villain.

Both of them in this episode are coming from a place of having a large trauma in their past that the other doesn’t know all the details of. Carlos hasn’t told TK anything, at this point, about how his coming out went and how much pain he is in every single day because he feels like his parents don’t fully accept him being gay. He avoids the topic of his parents at Owen’s party when TK brings it up because he’s in a honeymoon phase with TK and he’s never had that before with anyone. He believes – like he says at the end when they make up – that he might never be able to have a real relationship. And he does likely know that at some point they’ll have to discuss his parents but he has never been as happy with anyone as he is with TK (insert season four context of he felt broken until the day they met) and he isn’t ready just yet for the dreamy bubble they’re in to be burst by reality.

So he deflects, in what will become a signature personality trait of Carlos’s – chronic avoidance and making jokes to get out of conversations he isn't ready to have. And then by accident they run into Gabriel and Andrea, and Carlos, still not ready to do this, panics and introduces TK as his friend. He knows he shouldn’t have done that, but trauma, so he acts like he doesn’t understand why TK is upset and he makes a joke out of it. He’s been anxious this whole time about how TK, who is so out and loud and proud, is going to react when he finds out Carlos is still half in the closet, and this is the very reaction he was so afraid of and why he avoided it for so long.

None of it is done with malintent, it’s all self-preservation and learned coping mechanisms from things in his past that have left such deep scars, but TK doesn’t know that, so it hurts him anyway.

TK, meanwhile, is still pretty fresh off of getting his heart broken so badly that he tried to kill himself. He went to Austin in a truly horrendous state of pain and trauma and heartache. He wasn’t planning on meeting his soulmate so soon, he wasn’t ready to meet his soulmate because of how much his heart was still in tatters, which is why we get him being so wishy-washy in season one. By early season two he’s also very much in that honeymoon phase, but that doesn’t mean his wounds are fully healed yet. He asks Carlos about his parents, it feels implied in the party scene that it isn’t the first time he’s asking about them. He’s given Carlos the opportunity to have the conversation that they need to have, but Carlos has changed the subject.

Then they run into them. TK is so happy to meet them, and then so instantly crushed when Carlos introduces him as a friend. He’s upset all the way home, and Carlos – for reasons TK doesn’t understand yet – is acting like it’s not a big deal. TK storms out because that’s how he copes with things at this stage in his emotional development, and leaves some hurtful words for Carlos as a parting gift. Not a mature way to handle things, but in a later scene with Owen and Gwyn it’s revealed how hurt TK really is. “I wanted him to tell them who I was and what I mean to him,” TK says, all dejected. “Maybe he did. Maybe we are just friends.” Because Alex also told TK "I love you", and then cheated on him. TK’s lingering Alex trauma bubbles back up; fuck not again, not another man who says ‘I love you’ to my face but then hides me and doesn’t really want forever with me, even though that isn’t really what’s happening with Carlos.

If it wasn’t for Alex, TK probably wouldn’t have been half as upset by any of this and would have been more receptive to hearing an explanation, but Carlos doesn’t know that, so it hurts him anyway.

It’s just such good conflict. They’re both right, and they’re both wrong. They’re both operating from places of extreme hurt that isn’t the other person’s fault, and they’re both operating from places of not understanding the extent of what the other is going through. And in the scene where they make up you can see how much love there is and how much they both really want to understand the other better. It’s such a beautiful way to love someone, to say to each other “let me meet you where you are and love you the way you need to be loved, even if it’s different from how I need to be loved.”

[hyuckkaiji]

even the stars do not compare to you - abby anderson × f!reader

summary; you and abby are both fools. fools who have loved each other while thinking the other incapable of reciprocating. fools whose feelings are finally out in the open.

word count; 1.8k

warnings; momentarily sad abby

note; abby anderson brain rot. she is my precious baby girl, and I'll give her the whole world if she'll let me

∘₊✧───── ─── ─────✧₊∘

Owen had been Abby's first, well her only, everything. But truthfully, he'd never been her first choice. He was what was left when she realized she couldn't have what she wanted.

And don't mistake that for her not having love for Owen. She does. She loved him once. It was a true love of sorts. And he has cemented his place in her heart, albeit small. There wasn't much room for him to take up, not when you occupied the rest of it. You occupy it still.

You have seeped into her, mind , body, and soul. She is infected by you. It seems the more she tries to stop it, the further you spread. You've claimed her, soiled her, left her unattainable to those around her. And you don't even know it.

That's the fucked up part, gods be good, she's yours and you don't even know it. She has to satiate her desire for you with mere friendship. She feels like a dog on the streets begging for scraps, for any measly form of sustenance. But if you need her to beg, she will.

Clearly, you need her to beg. It's been almost two weeks since she's seen you. You were fine last she saw, but it feels like you're avoiding her.

Volunteering at any open tasks, never on patrol with her. She doesn't understand. For years now, the two of you have been attached at the hip. Going so far as to switch shifts just so you can patrol together, but now, all of a sudden. She doesn't get it.

She did something she not particularly proud of, she's already established she'll beg ... it just has to be in person. She can't write down these thoughts to get your attention, she'll seem ... weak. So instead she asked Manny to find you, to tell you she's looking for you and it's an emergency.

There's no emergency, no that's a lie. The lack of your presence is an emergency, and you're the only solution.

"Abby." The sound of your voice startles her out of her thoughts. You didn't knock. You never do. Abby doesn't mind. She actually enjoys that you walk into her space like you own it. Because you do, not that you know that. At the very least, it makes her happy that you know she'd never deny you her space.

"Manny said you were looking for me, something serious." Concern laced your voice but you'd still yet to walk up to Abby the way you normally would, keeping your distance. Standing at the base of the stairs as she looked up you.

Her braid was loose at the end, starting to fall apart, she'd just finished pulling the band out when you interrupted her. She looks pretty with her hair down, at least you think so. But she hardly ever has it down, it's a vulnerable thing for her. And how she's hates being vulnerable.

"Yea." She stands, rubbing a sheepish hand over the back of her neck, "I've been trying to catch you for over a week now." She's walking towards you, and you want her to come closer. Want to feel the warmth that radiates off of her, want the scent of pine waft around you. But you take a step back.

A look of hurt passes over Abby's face, stopping in her tracks. "Why have you been avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?" Her thumb nails flicks against her forefinger, picking at the skin around her nail. An anxious habit.

"No." Your voice is small. You're not sure what else to say, how to voice what you've been feeling, if you even should. You had decided against it, decided just to distance yourself as much as possible, but now, being confronted like this, your decision wavers.

People underestimate Abby. Yes, she's big, but she's also fast, faster than you. She up the last few remaining steps, inches away from you, fingers locked around your wrist, all before you have time to say another word.

"Then why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not."

"Liar." You are a liar, you've always been a liar, at least when it came to Abby. The truth was a weight you chose to bear alone, you say choose but really your fear had forced the decision. Fear of losing her should you come clean.

"Abby." You try and pry her hand away, but her grip holds firm, just enough to keep you near her, but not enough to hurt you. Never enough to hurt you, Abby would never hurt you. You let out an exasperated sigh, giving up, letting your hands fall at your sides.

"Sometimes... people grow ... apart." She says nothing, a beat of silence before you continue, "It's a part of life. People get older, they change, friendships don't always last forever." Her brow is furrowed, she nawing at the inside of her lip. The two of you ... grow apart ... it's not possible.

"You were fine last time I saw you. How long have you been feeling like this?" Her hair had fallen loose in her rush up the stairs, falling in waves around her face. Damn every God, she looks so beautiful with her hair down.

"A while. I didn't know how to tell you." Abby looks you over, you're lying. She's known you for as long as she can remember, she's loved you for as long as she could remember. She knows you, do you not know that? She knows when you're lying.

"Tell me the truth."

"I am-"

"The truth. Now." She's angry, like she has any right to be angry at you. This is her fault. Your resolve is shattered, how dare she be mad, how fucking dare she. This is her fucking fault.

"You wanna know the problem, Abigail?" You sneer at her. "You're the problem. You. I cannot stand being around you. I can't stand seeing your face everyday, hearing your voice, smelling you in the air. For fucks sake that stupid scent  of that stupid fucking soap clings to everything and I hate it. You are the problem."

She finally lets you go. She's on the verge of tears, but the tense tick of her jaw tells you she's not going to let them fall. "Alright... if that's how you feel." The guilt settles, deep in the pit of your stomach, you feel nauseous.

"Abs..." Your voice trails off.

"Just go."

"Abby." You reach out for her hand but she pulls it away.

"Go."

"I can't. I can't because you're right, I'm a liar." And a coward, damn the universe for making you, damn it for making her. She says nothing, only stares at you her anger is palpable, no, not anger, hurt, her hurt. Liar, coward, you add monster to the list.

"That wasn't true ... I don't know why I said it like that."

"It sure felt true."

"Abby..."

"How else could you have possibly meant it?"

Liar, coward, monster, idiot. Your list of personal descriptors is ever growing.

"I do hate those things." Abby huffs, looking away from you. "But not because I hate you ... Abby, even the stars do not compare to you. I have never see so beautiful a person nor I have I been enamored with anyone other than you."

"Do you know what it's like? To be in love with someone for so long and you can't say or do anything about it? To watch as they get with some ignorant douche who doesn't treat them the way they deserve?"

"To be in love with someone who only sees you as a friend? To be the shoulder they cry on about their shitty partner?" You shake you head, running a hand through your hair. You catch Abby's eyes, she's staring at you with this look of utter shock.

"I don't know when the years just became one too many, but they did and I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't get over you if I'm always around you."

Your name slips from her lips, like a mortal who has just come across their deity in the flesh. Oh she must be dreaming, then she's laughing.

It's your turn to be hurt, to cross your arms over your chest defensively. Watching as she giggles like a mad woman before wiping away a stray tear. "Pinch me, I want proof I'm awake."

"Abigail."

"Yes?" She smiling at you, big doe eyes watching you. Fuck you're so hopelessly in love with her, what made you think you had the self control to stay away from her.

"I'm not joking ... I'm in love with you."

She pulls your arms free just to take one of your hands in her own, running a callused thumb over your knuckles.

"Do you remember, when we were sixteen and we'd snuck out to watch the stars?" You nod.

"Do you remember asking me what I dream about? Asking me if you think the stars would grant our wishes if we told them?"

"You told me you dreamed of freedom and that the stars were just gas in space, not genies. And that they weren't even that pretty." Abby let's out a breathy laugh.

"I've never dreamed of freedom, I dreamed of you. And the stars are just gas, I'd come to realize that by then. If the stars could grant wishes they would have answered mine."

"I used to tell them my secrets, but they never made them come true."

"What...what did you tell them?"

"That I was in love with a girl, a girl so beautiful she took my breath away every time I saw her. I told them that I wanted to be hers, I wanted her to love me the way I loved her."

"When we were sixteen I hated the stars for ignoring my prayers. But it seems I was wrong, they had been listening all along. Though I maintain they really aren't that pretty, not in comparison to you."

Abby leaned in, her lips ghosting over yours, asking permission, you closed the gap. Wrapping your arms around her neck.

It was soft, sweeter than any kiss either of you had before. All gentle caresses and light wandering fingers trailing exposed skin.

Abby pulled you to her bed, pushing you down in between pecks. She hovered over you, "If i wake up and this was all a dream, I'm gonna be so fucking mad." Her lips are back on yours before softly trailing down your neck.

Her kisses are cool and open mouthed on your warm skin. She kisses her way down to your chest before letting her weight slowly settle on you. She rests her head, using your breasts as a pillow. "Promise I won't wake up by myself."

"I Promise." You wrap one arm around her, tracing random patterns on her clothed shoulders and back, the other falls into her hair running gentle fingers through her dirty blonde tresses. With in no time she's fallen asleep, feeling safer and more loved in your arms then she ever did in Owen's.

[abrthephantomq]

Soooo....

Turnabout Storyteller.

I had already vaguely known about Uendo having DID due to me not necessarily avoiding spoilers when reading fanfic, but...

I have so many thoughts on this as someone who HAS the disorder they're representing here.

Like, one, I definitely appreciated the way they revealed it -- during a Mood Matrix session. Having multiple sets of feelings and having them switch on and off like that is def a thing. I've/we've experienced that before.

But also -- before that, when Uendo was switching between his "characters" and everyone thought he was just putting on a performance? Yeah, see. They did that really well considering that like -- yes, the way alters hold the body/the face can be really different. They certainly felt like different people, which was really cool to see. I liked the different poses they had because as I played I was like, "Huh... is he the character with DID...? He is, right?"

The thing is, I'm like 80% certain that Uendo is the murderer, and THAT annoys me -- but I'm not done playing through the case, yet. I just started the second half of the trial, so.... I'll comment as I go.

But if I'm right and Uendo IS the murderer, I'm gonna have to roll my eyes because soooo many pieces of media use my disorder to show HEY SOMEONE WITH THIS COULD BE A KILLER AND NOT KNOWWWWW and I hate that. Because like.... no.

OH THANK GOD. Like 3 seconds into the send half of the trial and it's NOT Uendo. Yay. Yayyyyy. I'm actually really glad they did that subversion of the person-with-DID-is-the-killer trope. Thank fucking GOD.

SIMON GRABBING ATHENA when she starts to doubt she can prove Bucky's innocence is just -- fuck. Okay. Yeah, I see why the fandom loves that particular moment. (I love Simon so much omfg).

I am honestly loving this case and I actually really like the way they've presented Uendo -- it's simplified a bit for the sake of the audience, but at the same time, switching DO be like that. And you can certainly be co-conscious and share memory.

Like.... that's legitimately how our System works -- there's usually 2-3 of us up front at any given time, with someone generally more forward, while the other(s) listens / watches. Sometimes others push to the front. And there are 4 of us who more or less have access to the continual life happenings even if we don't always recollect specific details (or what we were feeling) later.

Also Owen being a LITTLE makes so much damn sense? Fuck, idk man, I love it. I kinda adore them.

I really really really got weary when Uendo's diagnosis was revealed because, y'know, the whole oh God pls tell me you're not the murderer even if it was kinda looking like you were.

That fucking balloon girl did it, didn't she? Jesus fucking Christ. I love that, but I also hate that. Also it's so unfair they made this chick so goddamned pretty.

Also man can I also say just how like.... they legitimately refer to Owen as a child, and Kisegawa with Ms., and -- that's actually a nice little piece of the writing here. Like... is it absolutely perfect? No. It's not. But let me tell you -- as someone with this disorder? Writing it and showing it for an audience is hard.

That whole, "everyone is unique" thing applies here -- every System is different. They all develop ways of functioning in order to blend in and protect themselves. Uendo may not have the denial bit that comes with this disorder (do you know how many times I find myself asking if I'm sure I'm not faking this thing? do you??? because like, it's a "rare" disorder, right? and was my trauma REALLY bad enough for me to have alters???? etc) -- but considering the confident way he, Patches, and Kisegawa speak about their experience with the disorder, I would imagine they've been in therapy for it for a while, now.

But also -- the three of them not being aware of Owen? Or denying his existence, at least? Well, they were either protecting him because he's so young, or they legitimately did not know since apparently he may only come forward when the body is drunk.

idk I love that Uendo et al was not the killer. Like so much. Thank FUCK.

Also that was a really fun case even if it was like, not entirely relevant to the overall story happening here in SOJ. I definitely enjoyed it.

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

The Police Station Scene

Arguably the most important season 1 Tarlos scene (it won the poll, after all!), the police station scene in 1x03 is undoubtedly iconic. The sheer chemistry between these two becomes truly apparent, and the journey they take throughout the scene...I have no words. Or perhaps I have many words. Yes, I think it's that second one. Many words. Under the cut, my analysis of this excellent scene.

We start out with TK in a pretty miserable situation. On top of everything else he's going through, he just got arrested, and at this point, he's not sure if the guys he fought are going to be pressing charges. For all he knows, he could be ending up in a jail cell using his one phone call to get Owen to come bail him out, something that Owen will probably not be too happy about. Not only that, but he's bleeding and his face clearly hurts judging by the ice pack he's holding to it. He's having a very bad night.

Then, things suddenly get even worse. Because the police officer coming to deal with him is none other than the guy he hooked up with and then later stormed out on. The guy TK had started having such strong and unexpected feelings for that he had given in to the urge to flee. The guy who TK assumes probably already thinks terrible things about him because of the way things went down the last time they were together. So now not only is this an undesirable legal situation, but it's also an awkward and embarrassing social situation. And now this guy knows that "TK" stands for Tyler Kennedy. Ugh.

From Carlos' perspective, he met this guy who was smokin' hot who he felt an instant connection with...this guy who made him feel for the first time like maybe he wasn't actually broken and then gave him the best orgasm of his life. Said guy then stormed out on him for what appeared to Carlos to be no good reason. He couldn't even be bothered to sit and have a meal and a little conversation. And now? This guy is out getting in bar fights completely sober, putting himself in a dangerous situation where he could very well get himself killed. This guy who Carlos already cares about, and who has seemingly completely rejected him at the first sign of Carlos wanting to get to know him. Carlos is hurt but he's also angry. Most of all, Carlos is angry about the fact that TK is being so completely reckless with his own safety.

The guys from the bar fight don't want to press charges, so Carlos tells TK that he's free to go. But he can't stop from giving TK a little advice. He's not trying to be his boyfriend (lie) or even his friend if he's not into it (oh, Carlos) but he tells TK that he "should talk to someone about why you felt compelled to do something so suicidal." Carlos says this without knowing that TK was suicidal and acted on it not long ago.

TK appears to be affected by this but says nothing. It appears that maybe the fight has gone out of him...until Carlos lets him know that he has something on his face, giving him a box of tissues to take care of it. TK gets visibly frustrated when Carlos tells him he's trying to clean off the wrong side. But then Carlos does something that TK doesn't expect.

He says, "Stop, just...let me." And with a shaky hand, he uses a tissue to dab at the spot on TK's face.

This clearly isn't nothing to Carlos. The emotion in his eyes is undeniable. He cares. That simple act of caring is enough to break TK's walls down the tiniest bit. To allow him to show some vulnerability. TK wants to explain.

He apologizes for what happened between them and tells him that he just went through a really bad breakup, "like nuclear bad," and then he relapsed. Not, as Carlos assumes, with him, but with substances. TK is giving Carlos a piece of himself, trusting him in a way he has not trusted anyone else he's met in Texas, as much as he likes them and enjoys working with them.

Carlos recognizes the significance of this moment of vulnerability. But it's more than that. It gives him context for what happened. TK wasn't just being a jerk and storming out because he didn't care to get to know Carlos. He has serious things going on. And...the champagne! TK has issues with substances and Carlos had offered him champagne without even asking first!

Carlos, always quick to blame himself, apologizes, and in that moment, his walls come down a little too. He had been trying to play it stoic and tough and like he didn't care so, so much. (Of course he already gave himself away when he started gently wiping TK's face)

But TK doesn't stop there. He gives Carlos more of himself, explaining that, ever since he's gotten to Austin, it's just grey. And he feels numb all the time. To explain why he started the bar fight, TK says, "I guess I just--I wanted to feel something."

Carlos looks at him. The anger is gone. He has understanding in his eyes...and that look of caring is still there, too. He watches TK gather his things and stand up. Carlos could have said anything in this moment. He chooses to tease TK a little. TK said he started a fight because he just wanted to feel something, so Carlos tells him, "Judging by that lip, I'd say mission accomplished."

TK looks at him with annoyance. He kind of can't believe that THIS is Carlos' reaction to his vulnerability!

"You really busting my balls right now?"

But Carlos stands his ground as the corner of his mouth goes up slightly.

"Yeah, I suppose I am."

Carlos made the right choice here because TK smiles too.

They like each other so much.

I fully believe that everything that happens after wouldn't have happened without this scene. It's pivotal in their relationship. The journey they go through is incredible! From this:

To this:

Iconic and unmatched.

[soft-pine]

spn20rewatch: 2.08 crossroad blues

questions my friend asked me while watching this episode together:

how do dean and sam make money?

how did they go to school?

what is your favorite season of supernatural?

if john died for dean why do you hate him?

have you written fanfic where dean and cas have sex?

needless to say, it took us longer than 45 minutes to finish watching.

anyway! i was a little shaken by george (the man who sold his soul to be a great painter) saying, "Who don't want their life to mean something?"

because that is exactly what dean says to bobby in 2.22 after making his deal

At least this way, something good could come out of it, you know? I - I - It's like my life could mean something.

of course dean is talking about sam's life and the way dean feels his life is owed for john's and george is talking about his paintings, his life's work. but i mean, is sam's life not dean's life's work?

this whole episode is pretty rough. dean's ragged pain and confusion around john is palpable and spilling out all over the place.

You sure about that? I think you did it for yourself. So you wouldn't have to live without her. But guess what? She's going to have to live without you now. But what if she knew how much it cost? What if she knew it cost your soul? How do you think she'd feel?

i think there are a lot of layers to dean comparing what john did for him to what owen did for his wife. people certainly have delved into some of the more sinister readings of that and i'm not going to go there. but i do think that the specific emotional burdens, household tasks, and childcare responsibilities john put on dean, make this comparison apt and unsettling.

dean's private, defeated, cornered face here truly guts me. he knows how obvious he's been acting. he knows sam is going to put the pattern together about john's likely deal as well. he doesn't want to talk about it. he doesn't want it to be real. he has to :(

moving along and speaking of unsettling. the whole scene where dean is basically trying to catfish the demon into a trap. he is so casual with the offer of himself. he's so smooth asking to go into his car. his eyes are so glassy and hunted.

anyway, this scene has so much going on. dean being sexualized by his enemies. "I like to be warned before i'm violated with demon tongue." the theme of his pain being a) observed from afar and b) as entertainment. "Because your misery's the whole point. It's too much fun to watch."

it really is a thesis scene for so many themes that carry forward. and if you're keeping score of little things, we've had this string over the last four episodes. roofies > chloroform > assaulting me > violated with demon tongue. which could of course mean etcetera etcetera

i wonder if dean would have been more likely to make the deal in exchange for john if john hadn't talked about killing sam. i think he would have.

i also get the inkling that this is the first move of the demons trying to get dean's soul in hell for the apocalypse plan.

at the end of the episode dean says,

Exactly. How am I supposed to live with that? You know, the thought of him... wherever he is right now. I mean, he spent his whole life chasing that... yellow-eyed son of a bitch. He should have gone out fighting. That was supposed to be his legacy. You know? Not bargaining with the damn thing. Not this.

which incidentally is the exact narrative dean feeds john when he comes back in 14.13

JOHN: It’s good. It’s fine. I-I went out takin’ out Yellow Eyes. I mean, that was the point, right? I mean, get the thing that killed mom.

i've talked before about how this is in stark contrast to dean telling mary in 12.01 that john died saving him... the story becomes the story or something.......

the last and completely tonally dissonant point i have is... okay i know we've talked about demon deals and kisses and how that means john kissed azazel. but have we considered (and im open to it being pointed out i must be wrong) that its actually just crowley that insists on kisses? like demons have creative control of how a contract is sealed and crowley just got really excited about kissing? i personally always think 2.22 is crowley's first appearance. but... could it be here? much to think about.

[player1064]

Footy RPF Fictober, day 4 - that night at the hotel

also available on ao3

been losing my MIND today (and every other day) about michael owen having a massive unrequited crush on carra. so. here's this. enjoy!

---

Jamie’s pretty sure that Mo’s finally lost his mind.

And okay, okay, this is Mo he’s talking about – he’s always been a little bit weird, but ‘a little bit weird’ is not the same as ‘yelling at the new manager in front of the whole team because he’s tried to change roommate assignments’, and that’s exactly what he’d done the other week.

(He’d won that argument, for what it’s worth. So now Jamie’s sat in their shared hotel room watching La Liga coverage while Mo’s taking a phone call in the bathroom. Which is also a little bit weird, now that he thinks about it.)

Except – except. It had been his agent calling him, Jamie had seen the name flashing on the small phone screen. And Liverpool has always been the kind of club where the manager is king.

It’s probably nothing to worry about.

Mo walks back into the room after about ten minutes – shuffles, really – and he stands at the side farthest from Jamie and he stares down at his hands and he waits. He always does this – he thinks he’s being polite, not disturbing Jamie mid-whatever he’s doing, but it ends up doing quite the opposite. Jamie’s never had the heart to tell him.

He sighs and presses the remote to turn the TV off, then he turns to look at Mo. “Go on, then.”

Mo looks at him, and his eyes are sparkling, he’s biting back a smile as he says “Madrid want me.”

They’d just got back from the Euros a month or two ago, where Madrid had felt like a dirty word, like you couldn’t even say it for fear of creating another fracture in the already disjointed United gang.

And Jamie thinks: they bought Beckham when they knew they didn’t need another right-winger and he’s been playing like shit in centre-mid all season. And he thinks: Madrid already have Ronaldo. They have Raúl. They have Morientes. And he thinks: you’re just the shiny new toy they want to add to their collection and never, ever use. And he thinks: you’ll never come home again.

So he says all this to Michael, and Michael’s eyes go dark, and Jamie knows he’s said the wrong fucking thing.

This stupid, stupid boy. Jamie tries to fight his case, of course he does, but Mo – Mo is Mo. And Jamie is Jamie, and Stevie is Stevie, and just ‘cause Liverpool runs stronger in Stevie’s veins than football does it doesn’t mean that it’s the same for Mo. Just because Jamie can argue with Stevie ‘til he tells Chelsea to fuck off doesn’t mean Michael will ever listen to him.

Mo thinks he deserves better than what Liverpool can give him. He probably does. And now he thinks that Jamie thinks he can’t cut it, which means that now he’s going to try and prove him wrong.

“Like you wouldn’t go,” Mo spits out at one point during the ensuing argument, and it stops Jamie right in his tracks because – well – because he’s right.

Jamie and Michael are completely different from each other except for all the ways in which they’re not. Pride, ambition, obsession – never any of the good bits, that’s for sure, but it very suddenly hits him with full force that he has to let Mo do this, even if he thinks it’s a giant mistake. He has to let Mo do this.

He sits back down on his bed and slumps forwards, tries to will his heart rate to slow down, for the red in his skin to fade away. He grabs his water bottle and takes a few long gulps, then he runs his hands down his face and he looks back up at Mo and he says, “Jesus Christ, Michael.”

Mo’s bottom lip wobbles. “Jesus fucking Christ, Carra.”

“Yer gonna be a galactico.”

“Yeah.” Slowly, a tiny little hint of that sparkle starts returning to Mo’s eyes. “Yeah, guess I am.”

Jamie groans. “Fuck.”

“Fuck,” Michael breathes, and then Jamie makes the mistake of meeting eyes with him and suddenly –

The first thought that forces its way into Jamie’s head is Mo’s a good kisser, and then it’s why the fuck is Mo kissing me, and then it’s why the fuck am I kissing Mo back. Mo’s scrambled onto his lap and has his face cupped in his small hands, and the next thought Jamie manages to string together is eh, what the hell, and then he’s sinking back into the cushions and pulling Mo down on top of him.

His hands of their own accord reach up to spread across Mo’s back, and he leaves one firmly planted there while the other slips down, over his waist, his hips, until it comes to rest on his thigh. Or hold his thigh. Or grip his thigh so hard it’ll probably leave a bruise. Whatever.

Mo shifts his hips, just a tiny bit, but the movement sends a jolt right up Jamie’s spine. And none of this is like Mo, not even a little, and that’s when it finally, really hits him that –

“Fuck,” he breathes against Mo’s lips. He opens his eyes, tries to search for some kind of answer in Mo’s. “You’re really leaving, aren’t you?”

Mo stares right back at him for a long, drawn-out moment, then he squeezes his eyes shut and he nods.

Jamie nods too, more for himself than for Mo (whose eyes are still squeezed shut like he’s scared of what he might see if he opens them again). He takes a moment. He thinks.

He grabs the hem of Mo’s shirt and tugs it up over his head, runs his hands over the smooth skin of his back. Lets Mo get at his shirt, lets him look at him. Lets himself look at Mo. And then he kisses him again, and this time there’s a finality to it that makes it all feel just that little bit more urgent.

[abitofboth]

some more owen carvour hcs because I’m unwell about him

he's meticulous when it comes to cleaning his guns. almost every night on a mission he will sit within the twilight and carefully take them apart and clean every piece. the same goes for his knives, brass knuckles, and any other weapons he happens to use.

he’s pretty consistent with shaving and cutting his hair; keeps his usual length, and a clean shaven face. when he’s going through a rough patch his hair will grow a bit longer and he’ll turn up to work with stubble.

post fall, his hair is down to his shoulders and he has a permanent 5 o'clock shadow.

he doesn’t play games he knows he can’t win. he was so certain that he was going to be the one to kill curt, not the other way around.

he can do tricks with his switch blade and he DELIGHTS in showing off for curt.

big fat crush on brandon shaw from hitchcock’s film ‘rope’. fucked up spy obsessed with his very own fucked up blorbo.

takes the piss out of curt for having a thing for james bond (“the name’s carvour. owen carvour.” “shut UP.”)

connected to that, curt loves the bond novels but can’t concentrate long enough to actually get through them. owen reads them out to him and does voices for all the characters.

he tells curt that “that secret died the night you left me for dead”, but I don’t think that he stopped loving him as soon as he fell. he hated him, yes, but he still loved him. some small part of him was still desperately clinging onto the hope that curt would come back and 'rescue' him from chimera for at least a year or two.

somehow manages to be kinda toxic with his own masculinity but also (in the privacy of his and curt's relationship) fucks with gender a little. for example, he doesn't allow himself emotional relief because 'men don't cry', but on the other hand relishes in being called 'princess' and owns a few lipsticks. loves leaving lipstick kiss marks on curt.

curt is pretty big on cars. he likes tinkering with them, fixing them up, knows all you could need to know about them, and has strong opinions on which ones are good and which ones are shit. owen couldn't care less- as long as it moves and it's not an ugly colour, he's happy.

he has doubts about his job and the governments he serves. where some spies blindly follow, he reluctantly trails behind.

the black and red leather jacket used to be owen's, but curt borrowed it one day and conveniently 'forgot' to give it back. owen has no complaints- he likes curt wearing his clothes and he barely wore it himself anyway.

he stands by the notion that british words and phrases are gospel, and american words and phrases are stupid and wrong.

known for a bit of a resting bitch face. he always looks pissed off, but is probably only pissed off 50% of the time.

older than curt, but only by a year or two.

he is kind to those with less power, and directs his rage to those in charge instead.

has a tendency to pull at his hair when he's super freaked out.

he has panic attacks more often post-fall.

he knows he's hot shit. plays on the 'british charm' when he's flirting with marks and it works every single time.

he knows a decent amount of french. not quite fluent, but enough that he can easily navigate most conversations.

spicy, don't look too close

he likes to take charge most of the time because it's owen, he loves having power in all situations, but he has a submissive streak in him. he doesn't like to admit that it doesn't take much to get him whining and begging.

phone sex. it's risky, but he likes it. transatlantic jerk-offs are key when your partner is in another country.

tops more often than he bottoms, purely because he thinks curt prefers it that way.

pull his hair and watch him melt.

likes when curt manhandles him. he has muscles, and owen wants him to use them.

he'll whisper filthy things to curt on missions with the sole intention of riling him up at the worst possible time.

he enjoys bondage regardless of who is the one being tied up.

[smytherines]

Overly long staircase scene acting analysis because I'm autistic

Watched the staircase scene again, because this is my life now. But I just cannot get over how incredible Joey Richter is in this scene. Every beat is absolutely heartbreaking. The anger and hurt in his voice as he yells "I'm going to single-handedly dismantle everything you've ever believed in," the way his voice breaks.

During the reprise he does a stunning job of "guy trying to be cold and intimidating but is actually incredibly sad and unbelievably angry." The way Owen says "a world without agencies, a world without spies, a world without secrets" with so much quiet contempt for the thing that ruined his life.

Maybe the best piece of acting in the entire show is when Curt steps up into Owen's gun and says "the feelings we had for each other." And Owen looks pained, he looks wistful for a second. His gun lowers to Curt's heart and his hand repositions like he's really struggling with what he believes he has to do. The thing he's been wanting to do for four years. But he just can't manage to pull the trigger, despite having ample opportunity to do so.

When Curt finally shoots his gun out of his hand and aims the gun at his head, the way Joey Richter plays Owen just feels incredibly sad. To me it reads as Owen, not being able to kill Curt, thinking Curt wouldn't be able to kill him either, and realizing too late that he was wrong about that. There's a kind of incredulous disappointment in his voice as he says "so what are you doing?"

I know I get ridiculous with my Owen Carvour headcanon, but this one scene just gives SO much insight into his character and motivations, without outright telling you pretty much anything. That's partially clever writing, but its also just Joey Richter absolutely killing this role, making Owen feel like a real person with real anguish and doubt and anger. Its spectacular.

And it's wild because Curt Mega is also really fucking good in this scene, but kind of in different ways? His delivery doesn't subvert what we know about Agent Mega, it reinforces it. Curt has been grieving for four years. He fell apart after Owen's "death," his alcohol use turning into a full-on disorder, making him incapable of doing the one thing he loves, the thing he feels he does best. And actor Curt Mega does an incredible job at conveying all of that without even saying a word. Curt's stance, the way he braces against the staircase just kind of numb with the realization that Owen is alive, the anger and resentment that he mourned Owen for so long only for him to be out there doing evil schemes. It's all played perfectly.

As an Owen Carvour defender I have issues with what agent Mega does here that are mostly subtextual, so I'm gonna stick to the acting choices within the actual text of the show:

The thing that stands out the most about Joey Richter's performance to me is the little vocal breaks and how raw the line deliveries are, but what stands out to me about Curt Mega's performance is his body language and facial expressions, which are just pitch perfect from start to finish.

Our guy is speedrunning the five stages of grief on that staircase.

First is denial and anger, kinda wrapped up in one package- denying that Owen has the upper hand, there's something about the stance here that feels like he's planting himself with a false confidence, like he doesn't want Owen to know how scared and overwhelmed and sad he is about this. How angry he is that his life fell apart mourning someone who isn't even dead.

Then bargaining- when Curt is pleading with Owen, telling him that he's sure the agencies can pull some strings and get him pardoned if he agrees to give up Chimera. It's hard to describe the expressions & body language in a way that doesn't sound kinda weird, but there's a flash on Curt's face that reads to me like "if you give up Chimera maybe there's a chance for us," which is of course cut off by Owen's anger. There's a desperation, and even a little hint of optimism- it isn't too late to fix this.

Then depression- the expressions here are just heartbreaking, as Owen pontificates Curt is just slowly unraveling, leaning back into the staircase his face just crumbles. Like every word Owen says is physically hurting him. Like he's realizing slowly that there is no going back, that the time they shared & the feelings they had aren't going to be enough. Actor Curt Mega makes so many interesting acting choices here that say so much more than you could say through dialogue alone. The way Curt steps into the gun very much feels like he is accepting that baring his heart to Owen could get him killed, and that it's worth the risk to try (damn, just gave myself more empathy for agent mega here)

And then- acceptance. After Curt has his big moment of vulnerability, appealing to Owen's memories of their time together, and Owen rejects him by telling him to move on, Curt accepts that he has to kill Owen. It reads to me like he isn't doing it to save the world (or at least not exclusively for that) he's doing it to save himself. To remove the spectre of Owen that has been haunting him for the last four years. That as long as Owen is alive he will be haunting Curt.

(As an Owen Carvour defender I have to point out that Owen is *disarmed* at this point, so I personally have a whole big rant I could make but this shit is too long already)

Again it's weird to describe someone's facial expressions and body language, but all of the emotions you can infer from this scene are down to just great acting. Two really good actors doing a well-written scene spectacularly. As good as the rest of the show is- and its very good- this scene is why there's still an active fanbase for a comedy spy parody musical, still making art and writing fanfiction and doing edits and memes about the relationship between Owen Carvour and Agent Curt Mega nearly eight years later.

[asexual-juliet]

stranger things characters ranked by how aware they are of will’s gayness

1. jonathan: jonathan has like. canonically known since before will has and i could talk about it for hours <3 there is such a softness with which he approaches the matter like even when will is so young in those s1 flashbacks, jonathan is choosing his words so carefully… “you shouldn’t like things because people tell you you’re supposed to” is like. the ultimate proof for me that jonathan knows before will does. and like in s4 with the surfer boy kitchen scene… fucking christ he is so gentle with it like he’s not avoiding the topic but he is letting will know that it’s okay and he’s a safe person to go to with it if he needs to… anyway jonathan knows and has known and loves his brother so much that he is willing to give him the space he needs to figure it out himself but that is not what this post is about. moving on:

2. robin: robin clocks this boy the first time he walks into scoops ahoy trailing after mike like a lost puppy. like i dont have much to say here but her gaydar definitely goes off and she starts trying to drop subtle hints that she is also gay but it takes him a little while to clock her back. 

3. argyle: argyle takes one look at will and immediately clocks him. it’s just a given. the sky is blue, the earth is round, will is gay. at one point he mentions it very casually to jonathan like “one day when will has a boyfriend—” and jonathan is like “argyle you can’t just say that!” and argyle, stoned out of his mind, is like “dude was it a secret?”

4. lucas: it takes lucas a while to put the pieces together but all things considered he’s pretty insightful about it and starts to consider the possibility around the end of middle school. the evidence keeps piling up and lucas does his best to be silently, subtly supportive but doesn’t push will before he’s ready. 

5. max: max has put the pieces together in the same way that lucas has but she’s done it much faster. this is partly because she is a cali girl who is familiar with the idea that homosexuals exist but mostly because she is a bisexual legend. she is slightly less subtle than lucas but still gentle. she kind of lets will know that she knows but never directly acknowledges it.

6. steve: steve does not even think about it until robin very casually asks him “so little byers is gay, right?” during a movie night, to which steve has to pause the movie and go holy shit. is he?? but from then on he is like subtly-but-not-so-subtly supportive yk? like he thinks he’s being smooth with it but it is blatantly obvious to everyone else who knows what’s going on. 

7. dustin: he is such a smart boy and yet such a dumbass. he has absolutely no fucking idea god bless. 

8. mike: mike has no fucking idea. mike knows gay people exist but would never think to consider the possibility that someone he knows is gay. mike thinks of gay people in the way he thinks of like. flamingos. like they definitely exist somewhere but not in hawkins. and even if faced with the possibility he’d just be like “will told me once in third grade that he thought jenny owens was pretty he can’t be gay. checkmate, fuckers.”

9. nancy: nancy does not think about will or gay people enough to give much of a shit about this particular matter.

10. el: el does not know what gay means <3

[tellmegoodbye]

Tag Game: Endings

Thank you @lonestar-s5countdown as always for the questions. I've had fun doing these!

Most of these got pretty rambly, so sorry about that! I just have a lot of feelings about this show.

---

(1) Which 911 Lone Star season finale is your favorite?

It's gotta be 4x18! I loved how the journeys these characters were going through all accumulate in the overarching theme of choosing love even when you're in pain.

TK and Carlos chose to have their wedding in spite of the grief and the pain of unanswered questions. Judd chose to take care of Wyatt and refused to give up hope, but he also listened to his needs after he pushed him too hard. Tommy and Trevor chose to love each other in spite of the gossipers, and during the wedding Tommy reveals that she isnt opposed to getting married again. She's choosing to let herself feel that happiness again when she finds that Trevor is someone she would want to have that with. Robert chose to give his family some peace instead of letting them watch as he continued to get sicker. He's giving his family the gift of life by ending his own, and Owen chose to be there for him even though he would have to watch his brother die for a second time. He chose to make sure he wouldnt be alone even though there could be consequences and even though his family would probably feel hurt and betrayed if they found out.

These are all situations in which they have to make tough decisions and come to an understanding about all of the complex feelings that they have. There's happiness, and there's sadness. There's pain, and there's joy. And at the end of the day, that's what life is. I think the season 4 finale was both a beautiful insight into the headspace of each character in regards to their pain, but overall it is a reminder of what it means to live.

(2) What was your favorite moment from the season 4 finale?

The wedding! That's probably the obvious answer, so I'm going to get more specific and say that I loved the final scene with the montage overlayed with Tommy singing Being Alive. A perfect song choice in regards to the theme I discussed in the last question.

This scene gives us a brief look into all of the different stages of grief, pain, and healing each character is in. We see joy from Tarlos on their honeymoon. We see hope from Grace, Judd and Wyatt as he begins to make some progress with his mobility. We see a sort of acceptance from Owen and Robert, as well as the begginings of grief for Owen when they prepare for Robert to end his own life. I particularly loved how the scene ended with the song coming to a close and we watch as Owen struggles to process the fact that Robert is dead, until he eventually finds the strength to call 911. That was a really memorable and haunting moment for me.

They're all struggling with unique problems and dealing with their pain in their own ways, but that's proof that they are still living.

(3) Are there any storylines that you would like to see brought back for a more satisfying conclusion?

Not necessarily a specific storyline, but I would love to see how Nancy handles a leadership role now and how she's grown since the DNI incident. I would also like to explore her backstory more and her relationship with Mateo.

(4) Pick one character and tell us where you hope to see them at the end of season 5.

For Owen, I would really like to see him coming back to his roots. In season 4 he was lost. He expressed feelings of loneliness in the wake of TK getting married and "not needing" him. I want to see him rediscover his worth. Whether it be helping his family in TK and Carlos, or helping everyone else. From all of the intense distasters and emergencies they will face, to the dilemmas Owen will have to resolve when it comes to losing Judd and Tommy temporarily, and having to make a decision between Paul and Marjan. Owen will fall back into that leadership role and find that he still has a lot to give to people and a lot of people who still care about him and rely on him. I also want to see him come to a place of forgiveness in himself in regards to Robert. He's made a lot of progress with the guilt he feels towards everything else that has happened in his life, but Owen truly feels most at peace when he's helping people and he's going to have to learn how to find peace in not being able to fix everything, even if he did the best he could.

(5) What is one thing you really want to see before the show ends?

A Carlos dedicated episode! He's definitely due for one and I can feel it in my bones that s5 will give that to us in some fashion.

@strandnreyes @lemonlyman-dotcom @heartstringsduet @bonheur-cafe @herefortarlos

@literateowl @carlos-tk @paperstorm @guardian-angle22 @lightningboltreader

@ironheartwriter @emsprovisions @sapphic--kiwi @welcomehometk @corsage

@nancys-braids @captain-gillian @alrightbuckaroo @theghostofashton @thisbuildinghasfeelings

@carlos-in-glasses @freneticfloetry @reyesstrand @butchreyes @firstprince-history-huh

+ open tag

[erstwhilesparrow]

might make a longer post later about more details from the video, but have been thinking especially about how delighted i am at the ways characters are categorizing and drawing lines around things in owen's newest new life ep? careful about the cut; there's spoilers in there.

i think... in other series, or watching videos created by other ccs, if someone monologued at the audience about how they think the mechanics of the world work, i would just take that at face-value and move on? this is a thing people do. minecraft is pretty open-ended -- the things that happen in it and the mechanics players interact with can have many interpretations, and probably the person holding the camera is telling you their interpretation so we have The Intended Way To Understand The Rest Of The Video. or at the very least, those interpretations don't tend to be characterizingly wrong? i'm thinking of pixlriffs in empires season two, who posits a theory in-character about how dreams connect different worlds. i'm thinking about scott literally in his most recent new life video saying to us, "oh, that bolt of lightning must be my light snare, one of my powers." these things tell us more about the world and its mechanics, smoothing over the gap between game and interpretation, than about the people sharing those understandings.

so it's. really really fun to me that owen is playing with that? sparrow newlife is just straight up wrong about a bunch of things, but he also has a really obvious stake in maintaining the distinctions and categorizations he's had in place so far. i'm thinking particularly about how long he goes on insisting that the sculk is good and the warden is bad -- it's something he's been saying some variation on since he first became sculk, and it's also increasingly evident that it's just not true! sure, it's in the warden's mind that he find the otherside and the memories therein, but those flashes of memory are about the sculk spreading. he's been saying himself that the sculk wants to spread! and at the end of the episode, sparrow, despite insisting he's a sculk hybrid, hears scott's heartbeat and literally sniffs him out like a warden. there's not really a perfect separation between sculk and warden even on the level of sparrow's hybrid abilities, but he's so lonely and scared, and he's been so convinced for so long that being a hybrid is the best or only way to be wanted and liked -- he needs the sculk to be benevolent, to have welcomed him into the fold because it wants him just for being him. thinking about his final monologue: he's so deeply hurt that, specifically, the sculk used him! he hasn't been upset about being sculk; he's upset that it didn't ultimately mean anything!

and speaking of self-interested drawing of lines, i'm also delighted that scott in his perspective of this episode's encounter does this thing too? as he runs away from sparrow, he mutters to himself something like, "i don't think [sculk sparrow] is the sparrow i used to know." it's... not completely wild to interpret that as scott telling us the viewers that sculk sparrow is genuinely A Different Entity and that this is something that is now just true about the world, but i like thinking of it as scott, the lightmancer, the character, terrified (that heartbeat sparrow hears is going so fast??) and frantically trying to reconcile the image of sparrow covered in sculk and pulling a knife on him with the pilot he befriended all that time ago. it complicates sparrow in interesting ways! it complicates scott in interesting ways! there's a mismatch, on both sides of this falling out, between who each person thinks the other is, and who that other person actually is, and scott saying this gives us a glimpse of another angle to that mismatch. the sculk is deeply a part of sparrow, yes, and is affecting him, but that well of incredible insecurity in sparrow has been here this whole time. he's always had that tendency to curiosity-cruelty and he's always been holding onto the belief that being a hybrid would make him worth something. this whole encounter is more interesting to me if Yeah, It Is In Fact The Same Guy In There. struggling against something terrible, for sure, but still the same guy! sparrow did that. he burned down those structures. he pointed a crossbow at that villager. he, hurting in a million different ways but still doing it, jumped into scott's head and killed him.

[saltyr3mix]

Outsider smp Owen hair head cannons: I've had thoughts about this and wanted to share. Ok so, Owens Minecraft skin that he uses in the smp has hair buns. and i will die on this hill. I think through the entire time in the maze Owen had space buns or pigtails.

Owen is also like 35. So there is a 35 year old man. traumatized by being a child soldier and war criminal....even if he doesn't know it at first. And he wears space buns. I don't know why but that makes me so incredibly happy.

And also this means hes matching with Apo and Magic. Who also have their hair tied up in a similar way.

If you want my full personal head cannon. Owen didn't know what to do with his hair at all when he first entered. At first it wasn't even long enough to tie up. But months passed and he was getting extremely annoyed when it would fall into his eyes while training or stick to the back of his neck after long days in the maze. He was complaining to Apo about this one day and Apo's like. Hold on man i've got this.

The demon comes back with some twine, thin cloth. Or whatever the closest to rubber bands that they have in the clearing. And does Owen's hair up in buns. Owen laughs at first thinking he looks slightly ridiculous. But slowly learns to love them. when they eventually fall out he goes back to Apo asking to do them up again. Apo eventually teaches him how to do it himself and the pair have matching buns through out the more peaceful time of clearing. Sometimes they even dragged Rasbi in. They often placed flowers and other pretty forestry in each other's buns as decoration.

Flash forward several months/ years depending on what you believe. And Magic enters the scene. Owen wants nothing to do with Apo at the moment because he was lied and betrayed to by the demon. One day he comes out with his hair down, everyone a bit surprised they hadn't seen it like this scene the very early days of the clearing. Magic figures out that he's upset and offers to help. He needing something to distract himself and not wanting to have to deal with the mess of long hair in his face when entering the maze, lets the younger mess with his hair. Magic tries a a few styles, just some funny ones to cheer him up a bit. even threatening to dye it crazy colors. In the end Owens hair is up in buns again. But whereas Apo's were small and tight better for just keeping the hair from being a bother. Magics had more volume and airy. They were more for display than function. But he wore them around anyways to match magic and even use them to make fun of her at times. Only it would always end up backfiring. He no longer puts flowers in them. Flash forward again and Owens is cleaning Apo's blood off his spear. In the reflection he sees the buns and flash back to soldier rules on hair length kick in. He picks up some sheers and cuts it all off down to appropriate length. The others cant tell if that was a good or bad thing. Magic is a bit upset they don't match anymore. But Owen assures her that it was only having hair that long was bothering him. By the time Owens locked up having committed multiple murders his hairs a bit out grown again. Not helping with the heat. He can't help but hate that it only proves how much hes fallen from his soldier glory.

Anyway, i also think at one point he dyed a streak of his hair orange. It might have even been a prank on him from either Oeca or Apo that dyed his hair that way. But it didn't stick around only last for a handful of weeks.

And yeah! Outsiders may be long over but i've finally found a place to talk about it so im going to! Sorry not Sorry for the rant he means a lot to me. And if you like this idea let me know.....i might write a fic about it....i've certainly thought about it but idk if i would have the time.