#like all my peers live here
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the concept of college dorm is just strange. there's like one hundred twenty year olds living in hotel rooms in one building. some of them live in the same room. the twenty year olds are supervised by two twenty two year olds who also live there. everyone shares four washers and four dryers and one big living room. i spend several of the worst hours of my life alone in my pajamas in said living room. a boy i met on a dating app a year ago walks past with his laundry. a girl i run into on the sidewalk leaves for the gym. everyone i know lives at maximum three minutes walk away. it's 7am and everyone i know is asleep.
#boink#school tag#anyway it's just weird#like all my peers live here#the people that bullied my friend live here#we are walking around eachother in our pajamas and houseshoes#we all live together
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i feel so aimless and full of despair like 89% of the time. and i need to just go to bed but i took a nap earlier and there is only so much time you can spend asleep
#i ply my brain with content in hopes of making it shut up but aaa#like i ask my peers and friends like does everyone feel like this? does anyone know what theyre doing?#and people are like yeah haha im aimless too all while seeming to work towards goals and futures#and i just feel so pointless . i want to be nothing . i want to fast forward until it's all over#there is more to life than a career but whenever i want to really believe that i feel naive#everyone here is so ambitious and driven and it makes me feel pathetic and slovenly and horrible#im lying to myself saying i'll apply to X and Y and doing nothing to work towards it#even the things ive been most excited abt this summer dont seem all that fun anymore. because it's just time marching on#i want to embrace that spirit of 'sometimes i imagine i already died and begged god to let me live again' to appreciate everything#and it helps sometimes but other times i just still am So sad and lost#and it's such a privilege to be able to feel this aimlessness and wonder about like what to do with myself but i also just feel so naive#like have i squandered my potential? my opportunities? should i go into investment or consulting or tech like 40% of my classmates?#i just want to do something meaningful#this is just the 11pm talking . but this is my blog and if i want to despairpost i will#im gonna go shower.
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Smoking isn't cool
#look. look. i hate smoking i hate it a lot. but if my friends want to smoke im like okay sure im judging u a bit but its your life whatever#BUT it annoys me So much when someone goes oh smoking is so bad and hurts you and ive been trying to convince person that smokes to stop !!#only to immediately start when Someone Cool offers them a cigarette. like?? if u want to ruin ur lungs fine its your body#but at least fucking Stick to your own words. dont try to be all holier than thou only to immediately succumb to peer pressure#GROW A FUCKING SPINE. either stand up to Me or to the person offering you a smoke/drink/whatever#ull need to learn to live w ur decisions eventually why not start w me when i at least try to be a bit nice n understanding#this isnt even about smoking tbh this is about my friends not listening to their own goddamn morals and reason#me when my friend doesnt tell me smthing bc they think ill judge them for it. like. yes? i will#if you were being stupid? but if you stand by your decision then you should still be able to tell me?? despite Oh No Friend Might Judge Me:(#idk. annoyed. smoking still isnt cool so stop acting like it is#stormy in here
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considering more and more abt how straight up buying a house is the best option for me and im
#like i dont want to rent bc its just money going up someones ass every month but investing in a house loan would Put the money somewhere#plus when its paid off i can resell and get the money back after all those years in a sense#but gOD im only 23 going on 24 is that not too youngGG UGH#i got the money for a house loan?? i think?? a good foot in the door so to speak#bc god the rent is just so high for fucking everywhere and to think its just not going anywhere long term kills me#my options seem to be rent house for crazy price every month or decent trailer in the sketchiest trailer park known to man#all the decent apt or house rent is in citys like hOURS AWAY UGHH#but finding a decent house to be in for a decade n a half or so and just putting money into that??? sounds best#i never planned on living in this shitty town long term but lets be real years are going by dangerously fast to me now so that long doesnt#seem so long now and i can plan on where i want my Long Term house for my milfsona in life while getting credit/ experience#but god loans??? down payments??? alllll that Important Document shit??? cripplingly terrifying#BUT the payoff like in unit washer and dryer some Actual room advanced privacy just being able to have my own 110% space ooooffff#def going to do a HELL of a lot more research and talk with peers but the discussing ive done so far sounds like i have a fighting chance#plus i was so terrified of moving out and fucking up something important after being backed into a corner at 21 and now look at me💪#doin p alright so far i think#the only problem is the time i have and whether i can find a decent house around here thats affordable
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#super cool how i can either continue living in the realtive safety and comfort and freedom i currently enjoy#but without any sort of support system save for my mom who i do not trust or like and who i was scared of for a solid chunk of my life#orrrrr choose to upend my entire life and start from scratch around my family trading isolation from family for isolation from peers#a choice i wouldnt have even been presented with#if my mother hadnt considered moving her and her young child across the world for some guy she met online a completely fine thing to do#and i absolutely feel like a dick for complaining abt a situation that objectively did give me a shitton of opportunities i wouldnt have ha#but also mayhaps... being isolated from any support system i could have had with my dads side of the family is a little fucked up#like my cousins aged 32 and 23 still live at home with their parents and at least superficially seem really happy with their situations#mw im over here entirely unmoored hanging on by my fraying ambitions bc if i dont study and also make it professionally#ill have to move back in with my mother#and idk what im doing like eveer!!!!!!!! idk what country im going to live in idk what im supposed to be doing idk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#all this becoming a doctor thing is a desperate move to not move back in with my mother#and i could go back and study in brazil but that might very much be shooting myself in the foot#bc europe has a cheeky tendency not to acknowledge degrees so if i wanted to come back itd be a nightmare#anyways were cool 👍im cool
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#almost everyone I knew in the US would have at least one insulated water bottle they would bring everywhere#but in norway my peers will just be going all day without hydration???#they’ll even voice that they are thirsty but just be like oh well i guess?#perhaps i need a larger sample size here but#funny / interesting if cultural differences#also to be fair it regularly reached 40C+ where i lived in the US#so not having cold clean water with you really sucked#polls#not language
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May not feel great rn but tomorrow I get to see my best friend and we’re exchanging gifts and then afterward I’m going with my sister to pick up a cat
#I don’t talk about this best friend on here a lot lately but he’s great and I love him#platonically and romantically#I’ve had a crush on him for uhh 9 years teehee#he doesn’t know I still feel that way or at least I hope he doesn’t because I don’t wanna make him uncomfy#we dated back in 2013 but I was a pos then and cheated on him because I give in to peer pressure#I’m serious about that btw like the chick that convinced me to cheat when we were official I went over to a friends house and she thought I#would cheat on her because I was so easy to convince the first time lmao#anyway that was forever ago and I am very very different now and would kill past me tbh for that teehee#this is the best friend that stayed with me after I cut off everyone because they stayed friends with my abuser#he’s literally the fucking best and I love him so much and I hope we always stay friends despite my Crazy lol#but also CAT INFOOOO okay so me and my sister went to our local pet store and they partner with a specific shelter? idk I can’t give the#name out because the only pet store listed on their website is the one we go to and that’s too much info about where I live lmao#ANYWAY I was more just showing her the two 4 month old brothers I saw the other day because they’re cute and I was hoping I’d see they were#adopted which they weren’t but they’re chatty kittens they’ll be gone soon tbh probably snatched up for Christmas#but so I had just been there two days ago on the 16th and we went on the 18th and one new cat was there#a 1 1/2 year old black cat named Morticia!! she was so cute they had a hot pink collar and bell on her and her file said she gets along well#with dogs and other cats (perfect for us we live with our parents still so full house) and it said she loves to be held and talked to ☹️☹️☹️#and her arrival date? the 16th so I just missed her but ALSO that’s one of our family dog’s birthday he turned 5 that day!!#also learned today Morticia had three kittens who have all been adopted and you’ll never guess their names#Wednesday pugsly and thing teehee#the fact that cat is just named Thing is so fucking funny#anyway my sister was petting her and she rolled into it ☹️ got head scratches and ear rubs and THEN I was filling out the application for he#while we waited for our parents to call us back and Morticia LAID HER HEAD IN MY SISTERS HAND ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️#so yeah my sister fell in love and the naming matches so well with her other cat who is about 2 years old now who’s a long haired tortoise#named Magnolia !! she’s a really chill cat who when it comes to other cats if the cat likes her she likes the cat but she’s also the younges#cat we have rn but my cats half adore her and half dgaf like my older two just want to be left alone by the animals and loved on by humans#but my younger two (8 and 5) still act like babies and run around like kittens so they love magnolia and she loves them so I have no doubt#Morticia is gonna fit in just fine and we don’t have to change her name!!#idk about y’all but we like always change our pets’ names when we adopt them and sometimes I’m glad we do because we have an anxious big#mutt doggie and we named him Chimmy which worked out well because he’s kinda silly and goofy and yknow neurodivergent but his og name?
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hosting friends for the next two days and i’m so excited!!! i’m about to start baking the two loaves of pumpkin and banana bread and then i’ll start preparing dinner.
#the first day i always like to do something special for them#living in nashville has its perks because my house is nice and spacious and can accommodate anyone who doesn’t wanna have to pay for#an airbnb#also this is one of my best friends who lives in a very rural part of the state and as a queer person has no peers and feels unsafe most of#the time so it’s so nice to be able to provide her with a safe space and a happy one at that!!!#with lots of good smells and vibes#i should post pictures of my room which is primarily where we hangout when she’s here even though there is a whole house#anyways all this to say my room is super cozy and i feel like some of you would like the vibe#anyways bye
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jury duty is fucking stupid why would anyone want their peers judging them have you seen your peers? insane every one of them
#like it made sense when we were all tight knit communities#those people were ACTUALLY your peers#people who knew you and your family#these days you barely know 5 people who live in the same town#the entire jury is strangers who might as well live a thousand miles away for all you have in common#they don’t pay you enough to take time off work#they should also just ban be because I’m biased as fuck#was it drugs? not guilty#petty theft? not guilty#are they a landlord? guilty#like I don’t hide my opinions here#personal#jury duty#it’s the same day as my dogs surgery#like they really do be making it as inconvenient as possible
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Oh hee hee hee watching my peers surpass me in every aspect of my life is going to be a very interesting life lesson to work through
#granted I live a very limited life. in that there are only a few social groups I am in#literally work and school. I do not live an actual fulfilling life#but by god if I’m still going to go through the standard 20 something existential crisis about it#apparently barely even having a peer group to speak of does not free me from getting fuckin.. lapped#I have reverted. it’s like my 12 years in public school all over again#common theme common theme#what’s worse is taking to some of my (much older) work friends about it and they go oh ha ha yeah. here’s my experience that set me back#8 years. it happens. this is unavoidable and a cause of deep regret writhing myself. good luck dealing with it :)#the inevitability of life I guess#wish I could take comfort in it
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I think one thing we need to address in the US if we want to de-stigmatize multi-generational households that include ADULTS from multiple generations, is that parents need to learn how to have adult relationships with their offspring.
Should my daughter deign to live with me when she's an adult she will not be my some vassal that has to obey my household rules. She graduates into being a peer in setting and managing the boundaries, cleanliness and appearance of our home.
Too many parents want to have relationships with grown ass adults in which the parents maintain control and authority, and in which they leverage money and history to get their way from an adult who, very reasonably, wants to be able to make choices and have influence. And then those parents wonder why their kids keep their distance!
But then people act like I've lost it because I let my 5 year old pick the color of paint in her room- a room I seldom spend time in except to take care of her, and a room in which I want her to be comfortable and happy.
I'm not gonna let her choose a paint color for the kitchen right now, because she's capricious and bad at negotiating so we can pick a color we all like. But when she's an adult, if she's still living here? Why shouldn't she get to influence her environment?
People like to have agency. We limit the agency of children because they make choices without the full ability to understand the results (sorry baby, you are gonna get vaccinated for pollio even if you don't like it. You don't understand pollio).
But limiting an adults choices in their own home, just because you don't think that home should be a real home for them because it's just for you, is kind of an asshole move, to me.
No need to argue with me if you disagree. You can have your own opinion.
But I couldn't treat my kid that way, and I have seen enough to know that not every parent treats their adult children like permanently incompetent interlopers.
I didn't just buy this house for ME. I bought it for MY FAMILY. My baby is my family, and she will be no matter how old she gets.
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average United States contains 1000s of pet tigers in backyards" factoid actualy [sic] just statistical error. average person has 0 tigers on property. Activist Georg, who lives the U.S. Capitol & makes up over 10,000 each day, has purposefully been spreading disinformation adn [sic] should not have been counted
I have a big mad today, folks. It's a really frustrating one, because years worth of work has been validated... but the reason for that fucking sucks.
For almost a decade, I've been trying to fact-check the claim that there "are 10,000 to 20,000 pet tigers/big cats in backyards in the United States." I talked to zoo, sanctuary, and private cat people; I looked at legislation, regulation, attack/death/escape incident rates; I read everything I could get my hands on. None of it made sense. None of it lined up. I couldn't find data supporting anything like the population of pet cats being alleged to exist. Some of you might remember the series I published on those findings from 2018 or so under the hashtag #CrouchingTigerHiddenData. I've continued to work on it in the six years since, including publishing a peer reviewed study that counted all the non-pet big cats in the US (because even though they're regulated, apparently nobody bothered to keep track of those either).
I spent years of my life obsessing over that statistic because it was being used to push for new federal legislation that, while well intentioned, contained language that would, and has, created real problems for ethical facilities that have big cats. I wrote a comprehensive - 35 page! - analysis of the issues with the then-current version of the Big Cat Public Safety Act in 2020. When the bill was first introduced to Congress in 2013, a lot of groups promoted it by fear mongering: there's so many pet tigers! they could be hidden around every corner! they could escape and attack you! they could come out of nowhere and eat your children!! Tiger King exposed the masses to the idea of "thousands of abused backyard big cats": as a result the messaging around the bill shifted to being welfare-focused, and the law passed in 2022.
The Big Cat Public Safety Act created a registry, and anyone who owned a private cat and wanted to keep it had to join. If they did, they could keep the animal until it passed, as long as they followed certain strictures (no getting more, no public contact, etc). Don’t register and get caught? Cat is seized and major punishment for you. Registering is therefore highly incentivized. That registry closed in June of 2023, and you can now get that registration data via a Freedom of Information Act request.
Guess how many pet big cats were registered in the whole country?
97.
Not tens of thousands. Not thousands. Not even triple digits. 97.
And that isn't even the right number! Ten USDA licensed facilities registered erroneously. That accounts for 55 of 97 animals. Which leaves us with 42 pet big cats, of all species, in the entire country.
Now, I know that not everyone may have registered. There's probably someone living deep in the woods somewhere with their illegal pet cougar, and there's been at least one random person in Texas arrested for trying to sell a cub since the law passed. But - and here's the big thing - even if there are ten times as many hidden cats than people who registered them - that's nowhere near ten thousand animals. Obviously, I had some questions.
Guess what? Turns out, this is because it was never real. That huge number never had data behind it, wasn't likely to be accurate, and the advocacy groups using that statistic to fearmonger and drive their agenda knew it... and didn't see a problem with that.
Allow me to introduce you to an article published last week.
This article is good. (Full disclose, I'm quoted in it). It's comprehensive and fairly written, and they did their due diligence reporting and fact-checking the piece. They talked to a lot of people on all sides of the story.
But thing that really gets me?
Multiple representatives from major advocacy organizations who worked on the Big Cat Publix Safety Act told the reporter that they knew the statistics they were quoting weren't real. And that they don't care. The end justifies the means, the good guys won over the bad guys, that's just how lobbying works after all. They're so blase about it, it makes my stomach hurt. Let me pull some excerpts from the quotes.
"Whatever the true number, nearly everyone in the debate acknowledges a disparity between the actual census and the figures cited by lawmakers. “The 20,000 number is not real,” said Bill Nimmo, founder of Tigers in America. (...) For his part, Nimmo at Tigers in America sees the exaggerated figure as part of the political process. Prior to the passage of the bill, he said, businesses that exhibited and bred big cats juiced the numbers, too. (...) “I’m not justifying the hyperbolic 20,000,” Nimmo said. “In the world of comparing hyperbole, the good guys won this one.”
"Michelle Sinnott, director and counsel for captive animal law enforcement at the PETA Foundation, emphasized that the law accomplished what it was set out to do. (...) Specific numbers are not what really matter, she said: “Whether there’s one big cat in a private home or whether there’s 10,000 big cats in a private home, the underlying problem of industry is still there.”"
I have no problem with a law ending the private ownership of big cats, and with ending cub petting practices. What I do have a problem with is that these organizations purposefully spread disinformation for years in order to push for it. By their own admission, they repeatedly and intentionally promoted false statistics within Congress. For a decade.
No wonder it never made sense. No wonder no matter where I looked, I couldn't figure out how any of these groups got those numbers, why there was never any data to back any of the claims up, why everything I learned seemed to actively contradict it. It was never real. These people decided the truth didn't matter. They knew they had no proof, couldn't verify their shocking numbers... and they decided that was fine, if it achieved the end they wanted.
So members of the public - probably like you, reading this - and legislators who care about big cats and want to see legislation exist to protect them? They got played, got fed false information through a TV show designed to tug at heartstrings, and it got a law through Congress that's causing real problems for ethical captive big cat management. The 20,000 pet cat number was too sexy - too much of a crisis - for anyone to want to look past it and check that the language of the law wouldn't mess things up up for good zoos and sanctuaries. Whoops! At least the "bad guys" lost, right? (The problems are covered somewhat in the article linked, and I'll go into more details in a future post. You can also read my analysis from 2020, linked up top.)
Now, I know. Something something something facts don't matter this much in our post-truth era, stop caring so much, that's just how politics work, etc. I’m sorry, but no. Absolutely not.
Laws that will impact the welfare of living animals must be crafted carefully, thoughtfully, and precisely in order to ensure they achieve their goals without accidental negative impacts. We have a duty of care to ensure that. And in this case, the law also impacts reservoir populations for critically endangered species! We can't get those back if we mess them up. So maybe, just maybe, if legislators hadn't been so focused on all those alleged pet cats, the bill could have been written narrowly and precisely.
But the minutiae of regulatory impacts aren't sexy, and tiger abuse and TV shows about terrible people are. We all got misled, and now we're here, and the animals in good facilities are already paying for it.
I don't have a conclusion. I'm just mad. The public deserves to know the truth about animal legislation they're voting for, and I hope we all call on our legislators in the future to be far more critical of the data they get fed.
#big cats#tiger king#my research#news#big cat public safety act#animal welfare#big cat welfare#legislation and regulation#vent post#long post#crouchingtigerhiddendata#more on the problems with the bill in the future
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I don’t know what it is about my childhood home but spending anytime here makes me want to curl up into a ball and do nothing
#I was staying at my sister’s in nyc for 3 weeks and I was washing dishes and cleaning up after myself all the time#and I get here and I don’t even want to wash the one cup I used for something#and everything feels 20x harder and like my body is just dying#I reached out to this peer respite center and they said I could come in but I don’t drive and I live over an hour from the center#public transit would take hours :(#personal
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we live on a mountain
right at the top
there’s a beautiful view
from the top of the mountain
every morning i walk
towards the edge
and throw little things off
like car parts and bottles and cutlery
whatever i find
lying around
it’s become a habit
a way to start the day
i go through all this
before you wake up
so i can feel happier
to be safe up here with you
i go through all this
before you wake up
so i can feel happier
to be safe up here with you
it’s early morning
no one is awake
i’m back at my cliff
throwing things off
i listen to the sounds they make
on their way down
i follow with my eyes
until they crash
i imagine what my body would sound like
slamming
against those rocks
and when it lands
will my eyes
be closed or open?
i go through all this
before you wake up
so i can feel happier
to be safe up here with you
i go through all this
before you wake up
so i can feel happier
to be safe up here with you
#to me this song has always been#about that part of yourself that is incapable of being happy#basically about depression#and how for me anyway#growing up as a girl#i always hoped that i’d meet someone who’d love me and that would just#fix everything#and the cruel realization that#depression does not work like that#improving your life can fix some problems but#if you have this sadness#sometimes it will still surface#even when everything is going ok and you’re otherwise happy with your situation or life#some days you will find yourself unwittingly standing at the edge of that cliff#peering down into that dark void#and wondering to yourself#if this pain will always be here#and if it will#then what’s the point continuing on#and doing what you have to do to remind yourself that things are good#and that these feelings are just feelings#and they will pass#realizing this while you’re peering over that edge is barely a comfort in the moment#but all it takes is a whisper of hope#to slowly draw you away from that edge#and bring you back into yourself and who you are and how you truly feel most of the time#idk i know a lot of people probably find these lyrics sad and disturbing#but as someone who’s lived with this depression my entire life#it feels hopeful#i feel like i can return from the cliff and be ‘safe again’
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Government name vs Military callsign
Prompt: What scares them worse? Addressing them by their full government name, or addressing them by their military callsign?
Featuring: Task Force 141 (CoD: MW2) - John Price, Simon "Ghost" Riley, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Johnny "Soap" MacTavish (separately) x GN!Reader
Word Count: 0.9k
Warnings: none
John Price
Government name.
Calling him Captain or Skipper just ends with him sauntering to where ever you are and ask (in an obnoxiously self-satisfied voice) what you wanted. Like a cat pretending it can’t hear the urgency in your tone when you say to get off the counter.
“If you want me to ‘shake a leg’, call my name, luvie.”
Now if you holler “Jonathan Price”, he’ll drop something. Either the newspaper in his hands, or his heart into his stomach. He sure as hell moves his ass with a purpose, and he’s peering into the room with an apology on his lips.
“Yes, luv? What’s wrong, poppet?”
“Lift the other end of the couch, would you?”
He does, and you shimmy it further back in the room. “Anything else I can do, love o’ my life?” He’s hovering, and gently coaxing you into his arms. Gauging how mad you were at him. You curled into him and kissed his chin. Then stepped away with a pat to his chest.
“No, sweetheart, just wanted you to shake a leg is all.”
When he remembers your previous conversation, he groans and tells you to fuck off.
Simon Riley
Military callsign.
When you two are alone, and he’s already given you permission to call him Simon, don’t call him Ghost. When you say that word, he assumes one of his mates are at the door or on the phone, and goes from Simon to Ghost. Stalks into the room with narrowed eyes, only to find you in the kitchen. By yourself.
“Ghost, you want a sandwich too? Turkey and cheese.”
“Fuck you callin’ me that for?”
Once he sees you’re alone, he swoops in and wraps around you like a hoodie. A firm kiss to your ear, then your cheek, then spun you around. Back pressed to the counter top. Settles his face right close to yours.
“We playin’ games now?” You didn’t want to upset him, so you pressed a kiss to his nose. His grumpy look faded a bit.
“Sorry, baby.” Arms wrapped carefully around his shoulders. And your fingers scratch his scalp. Another kiss to his nose. “I’m sorry for playing games with you. Simon Riley.”
Hearing his name on your lips finally cracked, and he gave you a smile. A little scar on the upper lip. You gave it a kiss, and then pressed a kiss to his lips.
A quick surge forward, and you only just had time to shove aside the things behind you before you found yourself on the countertop.
Kyle Garrick
Government name.
He doesn’t mind being called Gaz, and you’ll use Kyle and Gaz interchangeably. Doesn’t even mind if you use “Kyle” or “honey” in front of his squadmates. Though “Kylie” he does have some displeasure with.
“I’ll have you know, Soap is still calling me Kylie, you asshole.”
Call him ‘Garrick’, and he knows that you are pretending to be mad at him. He slinks over and rubs his face against your cheek. He’s too cute for you to stay mad.
If you shout “Kyle Garrick”, he comes running. He could have sworn that he put his clothes in the hamper. And did the dishes. And taken out the recycling. Damn, what was it that he forgot?
“Kyle Ga-”
“Yes, dear!” Shit, he didn’t mean to ‘yes, dear’ you. “Yes, my dear, I’m right here.”
You pause your laundry folding and summon him with a crook of your finger. Once he’s close enough, you tap your lip with the same finger. “I need a kiss.”
He blinked once. Then twice. “God damn you.” He squishes your face in his hands and gave you a quick, firm kiss. “Don’t stress me out like that. Thought you were mad.”
“Give me another kiss, or I will be.”
He rapid fire kissed your mouth, chin, and cheeks, then gave you a smack on the ass before returning to the living room.
“In my own fucking home,” he muttered.
John MacTavish
Military callsign.
He’s got some thick skin. And he’s had his name shouted angrily many a time. He would all but skip into the room with a big smile on his face. The only people who shouted that name (and wore out the scare-factor on it) were his family members. Shouting “John MacTavish” meant you loved him. You were also mad at him, but you loved him. That was more important. Even with your scowl and the gross pile of garbage he kept forgetting to take out. You loved him.
Now shouting his callsign reminded him of his superior officers.
“SOAP!”
Shit shit shit. He put down his beer and ran from the garage to the backyard. Leg brace over his sweats, low cut muscle shirt that you also wolf-whistle at when he wears. You were only weeding the garden boxes.
“JOHNNY!”
“I’m here, bonnie,” he hollered, rounding the corner. You were sitting in the dirt, a tidy pile of weeds and dead plant bits next to you.
“C’mere, c’mere.”
He leaned down next to you, hand on your shoulder and good knee on the ground. “Wassit?”
You pointed to the leaf in your hand. “A caterpillar, Johnny. An itsy-bitsy caterpillar.”
He sighed heavily and kissed your shoulder. “Bonnie, I thought something was wrong.”
“Hm?” You spared him a glance. “What are you talking about, bubba?”
“You called me Soap.”
“Did I? Didn’t mean to spook you, loverboy.” You gave him an apologetic kiss on the lips. “Just wanted you to see the caterpillar before he wiggled off.”
Posted: 2023 Dec 10
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Career Day
Tags: teeth rotting fluff, crack, jjk men as dads / fem!reader
An: Your child comes home and says tomorrow is career day at their school. They want to bring you and their daddy to school to show off how cool you two are, but.. their dad doesn’t exactly have the most conventional job.
SATORU • SUGURU • TOJI • SUKUNA
SATORU
“My daddy is the strongest!” Your son explains to a room full of his peers. Satoru is proudly beaming next to him. You note how much they look alike. The white hair, the bright blue eyes. Your son looks like he came straight from Satoru and had nothing to do with you.
But your son, Aoi, definitely had your personality.
“Nuh uh. He can’t be the strongest. Superman’s the strongest!” Another kid protested with an unconvinced frown.
“Well, my daddy is like superman!” Aoi retorts, keeping his headstrong personality like his mama. “Actually, he’s even better than superman!”
“He’s not even wearing a suit!” A different child speaks up. You share a nervous glance with Satoru. He’s enjoying this all too much.
“He doesn’t need a suit to be the strongest, dumbass!” Your sweet boy yells, and you promptly cover his mouth. Satoru is laughing his ass off, making the entire situation worse.
Correction, Aoi trying out his dad’s signature hand signal and saying “domain expansion” made the entire situation so much worse.
“You’re grounded, Aoi. You can’t say those things to other people. It’s rude and hurtful.” You say as you and Satoru walk your young boy home. Aoi lets out a small frustrated groan.
“I’m still getting him ice cream.” Satoru interjects with a proud smile. “My boy tried to cast his first domain at just six-years-old. He deserves a sweet treat.” Two wide smiles look up at you, and you realize you’re outnumbered here. Rolling your eyes, you nudge Satoru.
“I want a girl next.”
SUGURU
Mimiko and Nanako begged Suguru to come to their school’s career day. He was of course hesitant to do so, given that Jujutsu sorcery was still a hidden art in Japan. He didn’t exactly know how to explain his career to a bunch of kids.
He had a plan though. He would just tell the children that he was a preacher at a church. It’s not… completely a lie. He was a leader for.. a type of church.
You and Geto walk into the cozy looking classroom and see a load of other parents there. Your husband grimaced at the thought of having to interact with all these… people.
You give Suguru a reassuring squeeze of the hand. “It’ll be okay. Anything for the girls, right?” You whisper into his ear, making him nod. Anything for the girls.
When it’s finally Mimiko and Nanako’s turn to explain what their daddy does for a living, your small family gathers at the front of the classroom. Plenty of small innocent faces and reassuring smiles fill the room.
“Okay girls, tell us what your parents do for a living.” Their teacher prompts with a warm smile.
“My daddy swallows balls for a living!” Nanako says proudly with a beaming smile.
The kids erupted into laughter while their parents gave you two disgusted looks.
To make matters worse, “He also hates filthy mo-“ Mimiko tries to add on, but Geto quickly covers her mouth with his hand.
After explaining what a vivid imagination your twins have, you go on to explain that Geto is a leader at a church, and well, that doesn’t go over too well either.
“Homeschool?” Geto suggests as the four of you walk home.
“Most definitely.” You agree. Mimiko and Nanako are now educated by you at the home, where they can’t out their dad for swallowing balls.
TOJI
“Mama, make papa come to career day.” Your young son, Megumi, demanded. He had a small little pout on his face, and his arms were firmly crossed over his chest. Behind him, Toji stood, shaking his head at his son’s determination.
He often did this: telling you to make Toji do something because you were the only person who could make Toji do anything. After all these years, mans was still wrapped around your finger.
“Baby, Papa’s job is kinda private.” You explain quietly as you pet Megumi’s soft hair.
The small boy’s look of determination shifted to a look of reserve. Even as a young child, he wasn’t great at showing when his feelings were hurt, but you could always tell.
“Gumi.” You say his name softly, bending over to look at the boy’s flat expression.
You were also the only one who could coax Megumi into showing his real emotions.
Tears welled in his eyes, and his bottom lip started quivering. “I don’t wanna be the only one whose parents didn’t come.”
“Oh baby.” You frown as you pull your son into a hug. You glare upwards at Toji, and his eyes widened slightly. He knew what that look meant. “You’re going to career day.” You say to him, leaving no room for argument.
The next day,
“Okay Mr. Fushiguro, what do you do for a living?” The teacher asks Toji as he’s sat next to Megumi. Your son is actually smiling, enjoying the fact that Toji actually came to career day.
“People pay me a large sum of money, and I take care of someone for them.” Toji explains vaguely.
“Oh! Like a doctor?” One of the kids asked with an impressed smile.
“Sure, like a doctor.” Your husband lies, knowing that he does quite the opposite of what a doctor does.
SUKUNA
The look on the kids faces as your tall, muscular, tatted husband walked into the classroom was hilarious. Most of them were completely mortified, giving Sukuna frightened stares.
Your husband was completely unfazed. If anything, he was soaking in the kids’ fear. He sat at the front of the room with a look of arrogance.
Your nephew, Yuji, sat between you two. No, he was technically not your kid, but he didn’t have anyone else to bring to career day. So, Unc Sukuna and Auntie Yn were to the rescue.
“And.. what do you do for work, sir?” The teacher asked in almost a judgmental tone as she eyed Sukuna. You couldn’t tell if she despised him or wanted to fuck him.
“I don’t work. I live off tithe.” Sukuna bluntly answered with a shrug. His lopsided smile never left his face.
“What’s a tithe?” A small child asked quietly.
“It means people pay me out of fear of that I’ll harm them if they don’t.” Your husband gives a child a sharp stare with a challenging smile. He wanted the kids to keep asking questions. The thought of scaring multiple children all at once fueled him.
“Like… beat them up?” Another child asked.
“Like eating their snot-nosed children.” Sukuna answered with a toothy grin. The children all shrieked and cried in terror. Hell, even their parents looked frightened.
“Ryomen.” You chide as you look over towards your husband. He was laughing maniacally, even slapping his knee like the old man he was.
Yuji never invited you two to another career day.
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