#i always hoped that i’d meet someone who’d love me and that would just

[imjustfallinlove]

we live on a mountain

right at the top

there’s a beautiful view

from the top of the mountain

every morning i walk

towards the edge

and throw little things off

like car parts and bottles and cutlery

whatever i find

lying around

it’s become a habit

a way to start the day

i go through all this

before you wake up

so i can feel happier

to be safe up here with you

i go through all this

before you wake up

so i can feel happier

to be safe up here with you

it’s early morning

no one is awake

i’m back at my cliff

throwing things off

i listen to the sounds they make

on their way down

i follow with my eyes

until they crash

i imagine what my body would sound like

slamming

against those rocks

and when it lands

will my eyes

be closed or open?

i go through all this

before you wake up

so i can feel happier

to be safe up here with you

i go through all this

before you wake up

so i can feel happier

to be safe up here with you

[yourlocalmerchgirl]

Hopeful

Soft! Jackson Joel Miller x Neurodivergant/ ADHD F!reader

Summary: Joel hasn't felt hopeful since before the outbreak, that is before he meets you when he arrives in Jackson. Hes falling for you, but you couldn't possible fee the same way, could you?

Soft! Jackson Joel miller x Neurodivergant\ ADHD reader AU

MDNI 18+ NSFW

Warnings: unspecified age gap (i wrote this with reader in her early 30s and Joel in is early 50s but no ages are specifically said) soft Joel, concerned Joel, protective Joel, Neurodivergant, audio overstimulation, anxiety. He falls first. Match maker Ellie. Smut. Oral (F! receiving) Fingering, heavy make out sessions. Joel's chatty. body imagine issues, low self-esteem. Swearing, dirty talk. Praise.

A/N: Man this story really got away from me! what i thought would be a short story turned out to be rather length but im proud as hell of this story and i hope you enjoy!

There’s not a lot of descriptors about reader other than eye color and mentions of curves/ plush but they can easily be changed.

Hopeful.

Hopeful wasn’t something Joel felt since before the outbreak. But when he met you, it started brewing slow and low just below the surface until he couldn’t deny it anymore, couldn’t push it away any longer. You made him feel hopeful.

“Dude if you stare much longer the whole town is gonna notice.” Ellie teases as she jabs Joel with her elbow.

“Oh stop it, I wasn’t staring”

“You’ve been looking at her for like 10 minutes, just go sit with her”

Joel turns away quickly feeling his face getting red. He thought he was doing a better job of keeping his fondness for you hidden. He figured there was no way you’d share the same feelings, why would you like a guy like him? Old, beat up, and someone the whole town talked about. He figured there just wasn’t any way.

“She don’t want me bothering her” Joel shrugs

“Im not lying when I say she asks about you when you haven’t been to the stables yet.”

A slight smile tugs at Joel’s lips, he always asks Ellie about you too.

“Go sit with her”Ellie nudges him

Joel let’s out a nervous sigh and makes his way over to your table.

You’re fully engrossed in your book that you don’t notice Joel standing there for a moment.

“Is this seat taken darlin’?”

You don’t even have to look to know it’s Joel, you’d know his voice anywhere.

You chuckle, looking up at him with that smile and those big beautiful hazel eyes he loved so much.

“What’s funny?”

“Unless Ellie and Dina are sitting with me, that seats never taken”

Joel frowns at your comment.

“You want some company? It ok if I sit?”

“I’d love some” you say trying not too seem to eager but your bursting with butterflies over Joel wanting to sit with you. Your smile happens automatically, like it always does with Joel.

You’d been fond of Joel since him and Ellie arrived in Jackson. Despite all the whispers about him in town, his presence always calmed you in a way nobody ever had, you couldn’t explain it even if you tried. You absolutely adored Ellie from the moment you met her, Joel always telling you she trusts you in a way he’s never seen before.

The two of you fall into comfortable small talk as you both finish breakfast.

“Didn’t see you at the town dance last night”

“That’s because I didn’t go, you went?”

“Well Ellie and Dina wanted to go cause they’re always reading about dances in the diaries they find, so I went too. Plus Ellie’s always teasin’ me that I need to get out more”

“I don’t normally go to stuff like that, I’m too awkward and I don’t want people asking me to dance because they feel bad.”

“Now I’m sure there would be lots of people who’d like to dance with you” Joel has all he can do not to tell you he’d show up to dance with you everytime if he knew you’d be there.

“That’s really kind of you to say, but incase you haven’t noticed the people here don’t really know how to take me.”

“You headin to the stables?” Joel already knows the answer. He knows it’s not your day to work at the stables but he asks anyways because he doesn’t want the conversation to end.

“ No, today I’m working on getting the little town library set up, now that you and Tommy are finished building the shelves, I’d like to open it soon.”

“Y’need any help? I’m off my normal duties today”

“Oh no, it’s ok. You don’t have to do that. I don’t want to bother you on your free time”

“It’s really no trouble at all, I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to help” Joel’s jokes, smiling at you.

Your laugh.

He’d give anything to hear your laugh over and over again.

“And I guess I wouldn’t accept if I didn’t want help and company” you teased back, trying to stifle the giggle that bubbles up.

She wants company, my company?

The two you you load up the first wagon full of books and wheel across the center of town to the little store front soon to be the The Jackson Town Library.

“Here we can unload them. Then I can keep making the trips back and forth with the cart while you set them up in the shelves”

“Sounds like a deal to me. Why don’t we make like 3-4 trips and stop for the day. Because if not we’re both the type of people to work on our whole day off.”

“You got yourself a deal sweetheart”

Joel can’t help but smile as he turns to make the second trip. There was just something about the way you made him feel at ease, that he couldn’t get over.

When Joel returned with the second load of books he found you and Ellie chatting as she was helping you.

“What was it like to have a birthday party and sleepovers?” Ellie asks you.

“What makes you ask that?” You ask chuckling a little.

“Well I’ve been reading about them in the people from before the outbreaks diaries but I never had either of them”

“They were fun for a lot of people, I um didn’t really have a lot of friends, so my birthday parties were always mostly family. And I only ever went to a few sleep overs. I was always so excited to be included when I got to go to them.”

It breaks Joel’s heart listening to you and Ellie talking. It wasn’t fair that Ellie never got to experience what life was like before the outbreak, never really getting a childhood. Hearing you talking about how hard and lonely your life was even as a child tore him up. You were different sure, but you had a heart of gold. You were so caring, always supporting everyone who needed something and all you wanted was love and care in return.

He wanted to be that person for you so badly, the one who made your heart soar with all the love and support you never had. To be the one to make you laugh on the good days and take you into his arms and take the pain away on the bad days.

He’s not sure exactly when he started to fall for you, but it was coming on faster and stronger by the day.

“My birthday is next weekend, could I have a birthday party?”

You looked up locking eyes with Joel

“Of course you can, we can throw you a birthday party Ellie” you smile at him as you answer.

We. She wants to help me throw a birthday party for Ellie? There’s no bounds to how wonderful and caring this woman is.

“ I of course want to invite you, Dina, Jesse, Ethan, uncle Tommy and Maria. Ooo can I have a sleep over?”

“No boys are sleeping over”

You can’t help but laugh at Joel’s abrupt response.

“Eww no of course not, but Dina and (y/n) could stay over couldn’t they?”

“ yes if they want to they are more then welcome”

“Oh this is awesome, I gotta go tell everyone!”

“Wait, shouldn’t you ask if (y/n) wants too?” Joel’s looking at you to gage your reaction

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world”

Ellie smiles wildly as she runs out of the store front.

——————————————————————

The day came for Ellie’s party, and you loaded up your wagon with all the supplies and headed over there early to help set up.

“Jesus you’ve got a lot of stuff, you didn’t have to go through all this trouble”

“I know but I really wanted to make this as special as I could for her. She deserves to have the experiences she never got too”

Your big heart made Joel’s soar, you were so kind and thoughtful.

“ I do have a big surprise for her, for all the kids really”

“Oh yea? What do you have up your sleeve?” Joel teases.

“So I went through some boxes that had been in the house in one of the closets. I never bothered to before because it’s not like I really have a lot of stuff so they weren’t in the way. But I wanted to see if there was anything I could use for Ellie’s party and man I hit the jackpot”

Joel just smirks and raises a eyebrow signaling you to continue.

“Well one I found another Will Livingston pun book, which she’s going to love and I found a Nintendo console with a bunch of game cartridges. I figured we could teach the kids how to play and then Ellie can keep it”

There it is again, we. Maybe I’m reading into this to much. But I can’t help but feel like she actually likes spending time with me.

“Shit, they’re all going to love it! Man I haven’t played with one of these in ages”

“Me either, I was never any good at them and the sounds drove me crazy”

Joel relished moments like this, when you pulled back the curtain you shielded yourself with and let him see you.

You sat there completely content and full of joy watching Joel teach the kids how to play each game before he joined you on the couch as they went crazy battling each other.

As the kids cheer and the Mario music blasts Joel looks over to see you struggling. Your eyes shut tightly, chest rising and falling quicker than normal

“Hey, want to have a drink in the kitchen?” Joel whispers as he places his hand lightly on your arm.

“Please” you whisper, embarrassed that Joel saw you like that.

You sit at the kitchen table while Joel takes out two glasses with ice and pours whiskey doubles into them.

“Everything alright darlin’?” Joel ask as he takes his seat sliding your glass over to you.

“Oh..yea..everything’s alright” you say staring down at the amber liquid. Embarrassment flooding your system.

“I ain’t gonna push you if you don’t want to talk and I know I probably ain’t your first choice of someone to talk to, but just know you can talk to me.”

Joel desperately wants to know about your struggles, what makes you the way you are. He wants to be the one that helps you through life, the one who makes the bad days good and the good days better. But he pushes aside the thoughts that you’d want to be more than just friends, if you even considered him that. Because after all why would a girl like you like someone like him, could he really be that lucky?

You think about your answer for a few beats, and realize there’s no use trying to lie to Joel. There was just something about Joel that was comforting, that made you feel safe, but in a different way than the way you felt with Tommy you just couldn’t put your finger on it.

“No its not at all like that. I like talking to you.” You don’t miss the way Joel’s eyes light up a little.

“It’s just….I usually just retreat into myself, it’s easier that way. Most people don’t want to hear about my weird issues that can’t be solved with a why don’t you just ignore it?, why can’t you just change? Can’t you be a little less weird?” You said with a defeated shrug.

You wanted to talk to Joel, but part of you hoped he would just change the subject and move on. Because your quiet sure he doesn’t actually want to hear about your ADHD and all the weird idiosyncrasies that came with it.

“Well I’m not most people” he drawled as he lightly touched your arm. Nodding his head to encourage you to continue.

Truthfully he wanted to hear anything you wanted to tell him, Joel wanted to be your comfort point, the person that you went to for anything. To be the person you felt the safest with, to let your tired shoulders relax from holding up that wall around yourself. Letting your true self shine, free from judgement and surrounded by the love you deserve.

“I have sensory issues, especially with audio and textures. It’s hard to explain and it’s been along time since anyone wanted me too, so bare with me because some of this isn’t going to make a whole lot of sense.”

“You take all the time you need sweetheart, there no rush or pressure. I’m here for you”

Joel can’t help but notice your eyes soften and body langue relax a little when you realize he’s got you, that he’s hear for you and truly listening.

“I get overwhelmed easily by a lot of sounds happening at once, like in there with the sounds of the game and all the yelling and cheering at the same time makes my brain feel scrambled up. Like I can’t sort any of it out, it just sounds like one big mixing bowl of sounds. And when that happens I get anxious, my heart starts to pound, my ears ring and sometimes I lash out coming off to aggressive in the moment to try and make it stop.”

“ you’ve been around enough at the stables, you’ve probably heard me come on a little to strong with a razor sharpe tongue when it all gets to much. I always feel so bad, I never mean to snap. But sometimes when it’s so overwhelming it’s like I have no control of my tongue and I just blurt it out before I even realize I’m saying anything.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Ask me anything you’d like and I’ll do my best to answer”

“I don’t want this to come out wrong, I’m realizing now this might sound a little weird. But I’ve noticed you fuss with your clothes, like your pulling them away from your skin constantly, is-is that part of the sensitivity?”

You can’t help but look at Joel for a few beats to long, stunned by his question. Not because of the way he worded it but because of the context of his question, that fact that he’s picked up on your discomfort and is curious about it instead of just asking why you can’t just deal with it like everyone else ever has.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean t’make you uncomfortable” Joel says taking your silence as a bad sign.

“No, you didn’t at all. I just got lost in the thought of you being so observant but always wanting to know.”

“I always want to ask if your alright but I never want to pry, I know you like your space”

You can’t help the smile that dances across your face.

“You can ask me anything Joel, if I’m not comfortable answering I’d tell you.”

“But yes, the clothing thing is part of it. The texture of some fabrics against me make me want to crawl out of my skin. It’s hard sometimes for me to fall asleep too because the way the blankets and sheets touch my skin doesn’t feel right. I know it’s weird, I can’t really explain it.”

“It’s not just with clothing or fabric either, it’s physical touch too, which is the worst to get people to understand. I hate being touched, the feeling of most people touching me makes my skin crawl. And they love to brush it off by being like oh well I’m a huggy person or oh I’m just a touchy person so it’s ok.”

“I’m sorry, I know Ellie hugs you all the time and I know I touched you earlier”

“See now this is the most frustrating and complicated part about this. There are people like you, Ellie and Tommy that are in my bubble that I’m comfortable with, that I trust, that that kind of contact is welcome from.”

She likes when I touch her? Am I a welcome presence for her? I’ll drive myself crazy thinking about this too hard, but maybe just maybe she’s trying to tell me she feels the same as I do?

“Then the flip side of it is that there are also sounds that bring me so much comfort, like songs that I could listen to on repeat without batting an eye. The sound of someone’s voice that brings me back to earth when the anxiety is unrelenting. A scent that soothes me beyond explanation.”

Joel can’t help but let his thoughts run wild, indulging in the thought that you might be talking about him. He’s about to ask about your comment when Ellie barges into the kitchen.

“Oh sorry to interrupt” she says when she realizes you two are deep in conversation.

“Oh no it’s ok, you probably just saved me from really embarrassing myself” you chuckle

Joel doesn’t miss the way you stiffen up, as if you feel like you’ve said to much.

“ I’m ready to watch my birthday movie but I’m also really ready for the guys to leave so it’s just the four of us, could you kick them out?”

“ course I can do that, we’ll be right in”

You quickly get up from the table to follow after Ellie.

“Hang on, sweetheart” Joel says softly as he reaches for your arm.

“Can-can I give you a hug? Or rather would you like a hug?”

You can feel the embarrassment really take hold as you pull your eyes to the floor. He had no idea how much you wanted a hug from him and you had no idea how badly he wanted to hug you.

“I would like that” you said meekly as you nod your head. If Joel wasn’t listening intently, hanging on your every word he would of missed it

He takes a few steps closer to you hesitating for a couple beats before he wraps his arms you.

As if you’d been waiting for this moment, your entire body relaxes under his touch. Joel can’t help but notice they way you bury your head into his chest as you wrap your arms around him tighter. The way you stay there in his arms for longer than he expects, like your completely at ease in this moment.

“Thank you….thank you for listening. For letting me talk.” You whisper

“Thank for trusting me, for letting me in” he whispers back.

——————————————————————

It had been a few months since Ellie’s birthday party and Joel couldn’t help but boil over with happiness at seeing more of you. You started coming around often and listening to him play guitar on the porch after your walks with Ellie. You started joining them for family meals more in the mess hall, though Joel couldn’t tell you he called them that- not yet anyway.

Because honestly he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to decide he wasn’t the type of person you wanted to spend alot of time with. It’s why he didn’t press you on wether or not you were coming to his birthday gathering at the tipsy bison tonight that Tommy was putting together. He didn’t want you to feel pressured.

You slip into the dimly lit tipsy bison about 45 minutes before Joel’s party is supposed to end. You were so nervous to come, that it took alot for you to actually leave the house. You realize as you slip into a table in the dark back corner that you also forgot his present at home too.

Somethings seriously wrong with me when I remember to bring my security book and not this man’s damn present.

You scan the room and see Joel and Tommy talking to a few people at the bar. Nervous about interrupting you open up your book and try to block out all the loud chatter.

Joel scans the small crowd hoping to see you when he over hears Caleb talking to Tommy.

“Why would she come to something like this if she’s not going to speak to anyone?”

Joel follows Caleb’s motion, feeling a tugging in his chest when he lays eyes on you. You’re sitting in the dark corner of the Tipsy Bison hunched over your book, rubbing your finger back and forth on the cover. Something Joel picked up on that you do when your anxious as a way to sooth yourself.

“Sorry we can’t all be rays of fucking sunshine like you” Joel hears Ellie snap back as he’s making his way over to you.

The closer he gets to you the more his heart pounds. When was the last time I ever felt like this if ever. Joel doesn’t know when it started happening but he can’t fight it any longer, he’s falling for you hard and fast like a fright train. You consume his every thought, which terrifies the hell out of him but he can’t turn back now, not even if he tried.

“Hey there sweetheart, you came” for one fleeting moment Joel feels nervous, maybe you don’t want to be bothered because after all you didn’t even tell him you were here. But that all melts away the moment you look at him. The smile that touches your eyes, the shimmer of happiness that dances across your face.

“Hey!”

“It ok to join you?”

“Of course, I’d love that. As long as I’m not taking your time away from anyone else?”

“There isn’t one person in here I’d rather talk to”

The way you beam up at him as you quickly but your book back in you’re bag says it all. This is another sign of yours that Joel’s picked up on, you only do this when you’re comfortable and want to talk to someone. You always do this when you see him, he trys so hard not to read into that but at this point it’s impossible.

The two of you sit and talk for a bit. You can’t help but be consumed by all things Joel when you were around him, and you loved that. The way he looked at you like you were the only other person in the world or the way he made you feel when ever he was near was both to much snd not enough. Your feelings for him charging full steam ahead, there’s no way you’d stop them even if you had the option.

But could he really feel the same?

“Well I should go I don’t want to take you away from your friends to long”

“Oh, let me walk you home”

“No no it’s ok, I’ll be alright, it’s your party” you say frowning, not wanted to inconvenience him in any way.

“Sweetheart…I can promise you most these people ain’t here for me”

You pause for a few beats

“Ok, in that case I’d love that” unable to control the sincere wild smile that dances across your lips at the thought of Joel Miller walking you home.

“Um ah- would you like to come in for a minute? I ah have a gift for you but I forgot it when I left for your party” you smile sheepishly up at Joel as you reach your little house.

“You have a gift for me?”

“Yea…I made you a birthday present”

Joel follows you inside your house, and instantly the scent of you is filling his senses. He watches as your disappear down the hall and into a room, unsure if he can follow you mixed with not wanting to scare you has him staying in the kitchen.

“Here it’s not much, but I wanted to do something” you say nervously handing him the small gift wrapped in a scrap piece of fabric.

You lean back against the counter as Joel takes the gift, unwrapping the corded string holding the fabric around the gift like wrapping paper.

You’re overcome with anxiety watching him, making it near impossible to look at him. What if he doesn’t like it? What if it’s to much? Joel doesn’t miss the way your fidgeting around nervously.

As Joel pulls back the last fold of fabric he reveals a smallish leather bound note book. As he turns it over in his hands the light catches right for him to notice stitched into the cover in a slightly different colored string than the leather is his name.

“You made this for me? Christ it must of taken forever” Joel asks as he runs this fingers over the the letters.

“D-do you like it? I hope it’s not to much?” You say sheepishly, retreating into yourself as your wrap your arms around yourself.

“No no, it ain’t like that. I love it, I’m just surprised you took the time to make something for me of all people.”

“It took me about two months to do, because I worked on it when I had the energy after rounds at the stables. But I wanted to do something special for you, because.. well because your special to me. When I heard you saying your note book for your patrol and maintenance notes was almost full I got the idea to make this without knowing how to go about it”

“Nobody’s ever done anything like this more me before. Is it ok if I give you a hug sweetheart?”

When Joel takes you into his arms he expects you to be tense before you relax like the few times before,but not this time. No this time was different, this time you melted under his touch immediately burying your face in his chest. He can’t help but think maybe you’ve been needing his touch, his comfort as much as he needs yours.

You feel him pull back from the hug, making you painfully aware you held on to him for a few beats to long. You’re anxiety takes over as you pull back, you’re gaze dropping to the floor immediately.

“Sorry. Sorry, I made that weird”

“Give yourself some credit sweetheart, you never make anything weird. I just wanted to look at you, that’s all”

Pulling your gaze back up, your met with his beautiful deep brown eyes. They’re filled with a soft tenderness as he reaches up caressing the curve of your cheek.

Joel’s large warm hand comes to cup the side of your face, smoothing his calloused thumb back and forth over your cheek bone. His heart thunders in his chest when you lean into his touch, looking more free than he’s ever seen you. Almost as if you’re letting him see a glimpse of yourself from before the world fell apart. He also sees a lightness in your body language that he only notices when the two of you are together.

His eyes flicker between your lips and your eyes a few times, trying to search for any fear or discomfort.

Fuck it.

Your eyes flutter closed as Joel’s lips connect with yours in a soft and tender kiss. Your mind in desperately trying to process everything as Joel takes your stillness as hesitation and pulls away at the exact moment you brain catches up.

“Sorry I misre-“

“Wait, Do it again” you whisper

Joel grabs both sides of your face as he lowers himself back down connecting with your soft lips again. Only this time you don’t hesitate, you return the kiss as you bring your hands to loop round his neck, your fingers sinking into the hair at the nape of his neck. Joel skims his hands down your sides resting them on your hips, a action that makes you gasp as you tilt you’re head up.

“Is this ok?” He whispers as he pulls back enough to rest his forehead against yours.

“Yes” you whisper back, running your fingers deeper into his dark graying hair. This action unlocks something deep inside Joel as he hooks his one hand around your lower back and the other around the back of your head pulling you closer to him. When you resume kissing it’s more passionate and frantic than before and as Joel licks along the seam of your bottom lip begging for entrance you tilt your head up immediately allowing him to deepen the kiss. As your warm wet tongues dance together the grip you two have on each other tightens. Neither of you wanting to show the other how terrified you both are of the other slipping through your fingers if you not holding on for dear life.

As you both pull back to catch your breath you can’t help the giggle that escapes you.

“I guess it’s safe to say you liked your present?”

“It’s safe to say I like more than just the present sweetheart”

He can’t possibly be saying what I think he’s saying can he?”

“I’d invite you to watch a movie but I moved the only tv into the bedroom because it helps me sleep alone and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable”

What I wouldn’t give to spend every night next to her. I never want her to feel alone.

“I’d be more than comfortable with that but only if you are”

Christ I could get lost in the big hazel eyes of hers.

“I honestly would love that” youre trying to hide your smile not wanting to come off too eager but it’s impossible.

You lead the way to your bedroom, once inside you gesture to the bed, “you can pick the movie and make your yourself comfortable I’ll be right back.”

You beeline it for the bathroom, splashing some water on your face and looking at yourself in the mirror. You take a few deep breaths trying to tamp down the anxiety.

Did I really just invite Joel Miller to watch a movie with me in my bed and he accepted? When did I get so bold?

Making your way back to the bedroom you see Joel sitting up with his back against the wall with the few pillows against the wall next to him.

The way your smiling at him makes him feel like it’s just you and him in this world, I feeling that nobody has ever given him before.

“Why don’t you have any pillows you rest your back on?” You say as you settle in next to him.

“I just want to make sure your comfortable, I’ll be fine”

You laugh, that beautiful laugh Joel has come to love so much.

“Well I certainly don’t need all of these, you should be comfortable too” you say as you hand him a couple.

Joel absolutely melts at this action. It speaks volumes to him that your advocating for his comfort as well as your own without even thinking about it or being asked too.

As he’s settling back against the pillows Joel notices you rolling one of your shoulders back as it’s it’s bothering you.

“You alright sweetheart? I’ve been noticing you rolling youre shoulder a lot this week, it botherin’ you?”

“Oh yea… it’s fine, I just tweaked it at the stables. Shimmers stables doors been sticking and the saddles are a little high for me sometimes, but it’s fine. I just gotta go easy on it for a bit”

Joel feels a wave of concern mixed with anger, but not with you with himself.

I should of asked sooner, she shouldn’t be getting hurt at work because of something I could of helped fixed. I need to go down there and fix something.

“ let me take a look at it sweetheart”

You’re embarrassed, your sure he thinks your the biggest idiot as you turn facing your back to him.

“Where does it hurt?”

“It hurts kind of along my shoulder blade”

Joel starts feeling along your shoulder blade applying light pressure.

“Ugh right in there” you quietly groan

“It’s a little swollen, maybe a pinched nerve…I could rub it, try to work it out for y’ou if you’d be comfortable with that.”

“Wait…really?”

“Please don’t feel like you have too, it’s ok”

“It’s no trouble sweetheart”

Joel helps you settle back between his legs as he slips his hand into the neck of your shirt messaging his thumb along your shoulder.

Joel doesn’t miss the relaxed sigh you breath out as your eyes get heavy and you slowly fall back until your back is completely flush again his chest, your head on his shoulder.

He wraps his arms around you tightly, looking down to see you completely asleep in his arms. He leans down softy placing a kiss on your forehead. Warmth slowly creeps up his spine, over his shoulders and deep into his chest. This is what safety feels like, you- are what safety feels like. Joel doesn’t have to have his walls up with you. He can relax, let his guard down, not have to be in a constant state of fight or flight around you. The more Joel let’s this realization consume him, the heavier his eyes get and before he can stop it he starts dozing off.

He snaps awake 10 minutes later to the feeling of you squirming in his arms followed by the sounds of mumbles and whimpers in your sleep. You cry out briefly before you roll over, clutching him with your head buried in the crook of his and your chest flush against his own. Joel can feel your heart pounding against his chest.

“Shhhh baby girl it’s ok, I got you. You’re with me. Your safe” Joel speaks softly rubbing his hands up and down your back.

The moment you hear his voices, the tension drains from your body and your cry’s stop as you fully relax against him.

“Don’t leave me please…I need you ” you’re soft voice speaks against his neck

Joel holds you tightly, unable to shake the memory of you telling him that someone’s voice was soothing to you, that it made you at ease when ever you heard it. He’s 100% confident that you were talking about him.

“Im not goin’ anywhere sweetheart” Joel says as he squeezes you tighter and kisses the crown of your head.

Your so incredibly raw and vulnerable in the moment as you look up at him, your eyes swirling with comfort mixed with fear as you sleepily sit up.

——————————————————————

The next time Joel opens his eyes it’s early morning, your curled up to him, your head on his chest. He can’t help but think he won the lottery. The idea that a women like you would take comfort in him, that you’d want him by you’re side. Joel will make it his mission to make sure you never feel alone again, that he’s by your side for the rest of your life. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve you in his life because he sure as hell didn’t feel like he deserved it.

Joel’s pulled from his thoughts by you sleepily stretch and sitting up. His hand is firmly on your lower back keeping you steady.

“You sleep ok?” He asks slipping his hand under your shirt to rub your lower back.

“I don’t think I’ve slept that deeply since before the outbreak, I’ve never really been a good sleeper”

Christ she’s so beautiful first thing in the morning, givin’ me that cute sleepy smile as she tells me how she slept well next to me.

“Where you able to sleep?”

I can’t tell her I slept better than I have In 20 something years.

“I did get some sleep”

“You hungry? We could go grab Ellie and get breakfast in the mess hall”

Ellie. Fuck I have no idea if any of this is ok with Ellie. I can’t do this to her. I don’t want to drive a wedge between her and Joel or her and I. She’s been though enough I don’t want her to think I’m trying to break up there family.

“ Oh, no it’s ok. You go a head I’m sure you and Ellie have stuff to do today” you say as you you stiffen to sit up straight, the feeling of panic crashing in like a wave.

“No it’s no trouble at all, she should just be over Dina’s anyway” Joel feels your body going ridged, he can tell by your eyes that somethings changing.

“ I have so much to do at the library still before it can open, I’m really not hungry. I’ll just grab something before breakfast ends.” You say swinging your legs over the side of the bed and hurriedly looking for clean clothes.

Joel feels it, he sees it your body langue that somethings wrong. He doesn’t know what flipped the switch but he’s desperate to fix it.

“You should take it easy on your shoulder, rest it so it don’t get worse”

Your body relaxes, your eyes softening briefly at him being protective, showing concern for your health before going ridged again.

“I promise I’ll go easy on my shoulder, I just desperately need to get some projects done. Everyone’s counting on me to get it done and open soon.” Your voice sounds strained and pleading like your trying to convince yourself and much as you are him that you believe what your saying.

“Can I at-least walk you there?”

The walk into town was quiet, neither of you saying much. Just the silent sound of you both battling your own inner self doubt.

“You sure you don’t want breakfast?”

“I’m sure….I’m not very hungry” your voice is soft and strained, almost as if your trying to hold back tears.

Joel cups your face pulling your gaze up to meet his.

“You let me know if you need anything sweetheart, can’t have you hurtin’ your shoulder worse.” Joel drawls before leaning in, closing the gap and placing a soft kiss to your lips. You return the kiss briefly as you run your fingers over his patchy beard.

“I promise I’ll go easy on myself”

Joel can’t shake the feeling that somethings wrong. You never skip breakfast because you get very hangry if you don’t eat in the morning.

Did I scare her? Did I move to fast? Did I make her uncomfortable in some way?

It hits Joel like a ton of bricks as he turn onto his street.

Ellie. She’s worried about how Ellie will feel about us. She’s worried it will drive a wedge between her and I or with them.

Joel stops up the steps and frantically grabs his tool bag.

“Your to old to be staying out all night and then doing a terrible job sneaking back in the next morning” Ellie teases behind Joel.

“I gotta do some extra work in the work shop and at the stables but when your done with your green house shift, we need to talk”

Joel’s never had a way with words like most people, he’s never been eloquent speaker. His love language more came in the form of acts of severance or in words of affirmation. He spends the next few hours building a safe sturdy step stool for the saddles, fixing not just Shimmers stable door but all the horses stables doors so none of them had the possibility to stick and tinkering around and fixing up anything he could find.

You stay at the library for several hours trying completely the simplest tasks, but without much success. Your just going through the motions as your mind is a mile away, thinking about Joel.

Resigning to the fact that you were getting nothing done, you decided to go home to take a hot shower to sooth your racing mind.

As the hot water streams over your body and the steam fills your lungs your mind drifts to Joel. You haven’t stopped thinking about how you can still feel his lips on yours. How he makes you feel seen and heard without any judgement what so ever.

Youre heart aches from how deep your feelings for Joel go, even if it feels like you don’t deserve having him in your life. But you need to apologize to him for how abruptly you retreated back into yourself when the feelings felt to real this morning.

Joel’s nursing a glass of whisky when Ellie gets back from her shift at the green house.

“What’s up Joel, everything alright?”

“Yea, nothin’ bad I just, I like someone and wanna talk about it”

“Oh congrats, your getting soft in your old age. Did you finally become friends with your horse”

“Jerk, no I like a woman. I like a woman, I wanna date her. But are you ok with that?”

“Your so bad at this, why are you being so awkward?”

“We’ll Christ, I’ve never done this before, had this kind of talk. I never brought anyone around Sarah. I don’t know what I’m doing”

“Wait… is this about Y/N?”

Joel nods cautiously

“Man you really are dense aren’t you?” Ellie playfully pokes.

“What’s so funny?”

“Joel.. I’ve been trying to set you up with her since we got here. Tommy’s been helping too”

“What? Really? You’re ok with it?”

“You guys are perfect for each other, it’s so obvious you two really care about each other, at least it is too me because I get to spend time with you guys together away from everyone else.”

Joel just stairs at her stunned

“Look I never wanted to admit this because it sounds stupid, but the times when it’s just you, me and her…it’s feels like we’re a family, like I actually have the family I’ve been dying to have my whole life. She got to know us and excepted us the way we are without listening to all the whispers around town and I think that’s fucking beautiful.”

“I gotta go see her”

“I swear to god Joel don’t fuck this up, she’s the happiness we both deserve, but yes, go to her, go right now”

Joels out of the house and down the street before his brain catches up.

Your scrambling around the house trying to get dressed as fast as you can before you get to anxious and decide not to go to Joel’s when you hear a knock at the door.

“The book drop off box is on the porch” you yell down the hall, figuring someone was trying to pick up or drop off books they borrowed since you weren’t at the library. But you hear who ever is is knock again.

“The book pick up is also on the porch” you yell again hoping the person hears you and gets the point,but they do it yet again. Completely flustered at this point you rip your shirt down over you head and pad angrily to the door.

“The book drop off and pick…” you aggressively swing the door open, stoping dead in your tracks at who’s on the other side.

“Joel” you whisper in surprise. All you can do is stare for a few beats to long at how the evening light highlights his already beautiful features.

“Sorry, this a bad time sweetheart?”

“No…sorry I just thought you were someone else”

You immediately pick up on his change In body langue and quickly follow up with “I just thought it was someone trying to pick up or drop off books” you watch as he relaxes right away again.

“I…I um was actually on my way over to your place”

Before either if you know it your smashing together in a kiss like two magnet’s. The kiss is all teeth and tongues, it’s desperate and awkward, messy and beautiful. Your both clutching on to each other like the other might fly away as Joel walks you backwards through the door way as he pushing the door closed with his foot.

As you both pull back for air Joel cradles your face with his large hands, caressing your cheek bones with the rough pads of his thumbs. His deep brown eyes lock with you hazel ones ands it’s as if they rest of the world doesn’t exist, like it’s only the two of you left on earth.

“I’m so sorry about this morning, I wasn’t trying to be weird. I-I I just…I scared myself with everything”

“It’s ok sweetheart” Joel says as he kisses you softly.

“I talked to Ellie, she’s ok with us being a thing. Honestly quiet excited about it”

You’re speechless for a moment, as you eyes start to well with tears.

“Joel, you didn’t have to do that, I’m sorry if you felt like you had too”

“I did have too, because it’s important to me”

“It’s…it’s important to me that you did”

At hearing that Joel lunges forward again capturing your lips in a kiss pulling you flush against his chest. He swallows the gasp that escapes your lips when he takes your bottom lip between his teeth. You snake your arms around his neck tugging the hair at the nape of his neck. The growl that, that action elicits vibrates through your chest.

“Bedroom?” Joel grits out, his deep voice drips with desire mixed with love.

Joel can’t convince himself otherwise any more, he loves you.

“Bedroom” you echo

Joel’s walking you backwards down the hall to your bedroom when he turns slightly pinning you against the wall just outside your bedroom.

“Are you sure about this sweetheart?” He pulls back just enough to lock eyes with you.

You nod your head yes.

“I need to hear you say it sweetheart. I don’t want to push you farther than your comfortable going because i thought it was ok.”

“I’m sure about this Joel, I want it…I want you”

Joel let’s out a low groan as he attaches his lips to your jaw, nipping his way long it until he reaches that soft spot where your jaw meets your neck. He sucks hard and then soothes the spot with his tongue as his hands sneak inside the hem of your shirt squeezing your plush sides. This earns him another tug at his hair as you let out a whimper. Joel’s head spins from how breathless you are already for him and he hopes you can tell how breathless he is for you.

Joel rips his shirt off at the feeling of you raking your hands up and down his chest. He’s been touched starved for so long that the desperate need for your touch, to feel your skin on his takes over.

Most people wouldn’t describe Joel as beautiful, but you always found him to be. You thought as you took in the sight of him shirtless.

Joel watches you nervously as you trace over old scars on his chest. He’s afraid you’ll want to run and hide from him bearing his soul to you in a way he never has or ever wanted too. But the moment you press your lips to the scars on his chest this worry melts away. You pepper every scar you can see across his chest, arms and shoulders with kisses before you make your way to his neck. You sneak your hands around him to slide them up his back as you reach his ear.

“Every part of you is beautiful” you whisper as you kiss along his jaw.

Joel feels dizzy from your words as your lips make it back to his. Never in his life has anyone ever called him beautiful much less been this tender and sensual with him. He can’t get enough, as he grabs at your waist again. Pulling you tightly to him as he presses you firmly again the wall causing your shirt to ride up.

“It’s ok… you can take it off” you breath

Joel wastes no time ripping your shirt up over your head.

“Your so fuckin’ gorgeous” he growls as you arch into him so he can unhook your bra.

You let the straps slide down your arms until it falls to the floor between the two of you. You’re mind goes blank from Joel’s intense gaze. Slowly he slides his hands up your torso to your breasts. They barely even touched you and your nipples are already hardened peaks. The sensation of him rolling them beneath his slightly calloused thumbs as he’s squeezing your breasts hits you hard. Your eyes flutter shut as your head falls back against the wall, if your not carful you might just climax from this alone.

“Fuck…your skins so soft” Joel growls as he pulls you away from the wall and into your bedroom, not stopping until your legs hit the end of your bed.

His eyes burn right through you as you slid your pants down, leaving yourself in just your panties as you climb on the bed.

The two of you hold each others gaze for a few beats as Joel undoes his belt and steps out of his pants. You instinctually spread your legs to make room for him as the bed dips down. He doesn’t care how long he has to draw this out, Joel’s not stopping until he’s explored every inch of your body. Making you feel like the goddess that he sees you as.

Your eyes flicker from his eyes to his hard outline straining his boxers and back to his eyes. The way he playfully smirks at you makes you realize just how exposed you are to him, making you start to wrap your arms around your body to cover yourself.

“You ok sweetheart?” Joel asks rubbing circles into your thighs.

“Do you want me to cover up some?”

“What?”

“Wait why would I want you to cover up?” He half huffs, confused

“Im not the skinniest…I don’t look as good as you”

Joel hates the idea that someone(s) made you feel like you weren’t worthy because your body isn’t their ideal body. He’s loves your curves, the plushness of your skin.

“Everything about you is gorgeous, and if it s’ok id like to show you just how gorgeous I think you are.”

You frantically nod and with that Joel dips his body down kissing right above your clothed clit, pulling a whimper out of you. He then moves to your hips, kissing them both before kissing all the way up your stomach til he reaches your breasts.

He licks along the swell of your breast, pulling your peaked nipple in between his teeth as he palms the other one with his free hand. Then does the same to the other.

“So fuckin’ sexy” Joel whispers against your breast as he swings his leg over to straddle one of your legs.

He crashes forward, his rock hard bulge pressing into your hip to capture your lips in a passionate kiss. Your hands automatically plant firmly in his hair as his tongue dances with yours. Making his way down your neck sucking the soft skin where your shoulder meets your neck between his teeth, then sooth it with his tongue. You know it’s going to leave a mark, you want it too. Even if this is just for tonight, you want Joel to mark you as his. But you had no idea how much he wants that too. To make you his.

Joel plunges his tongue back into your mouth as he dips his free hand where you need it most. His finger grazes your clit has he slips it through your slit, deep into your core with a audible squelch. You both swallow each others moans.

A breathy moan escapes your lips as he gathers some of your wetness to your swollen clit with tight circles.

“Christ baby…y’so wet. This all from me?” Joel breathes, as you pull back. He wants to see the pleasure he’s giving you.

“All day…a-always” you breath unable to get more out.

“Fuck” Joel groans as he pulls down your panties, seating himself back between your legs.

“Fuck..baby you feel s’good around my fingers”

Joel’s trusts his fingers in and out of you at a steady pace.

“J-Joel…it’s feels s-s good” you say through a stifled whimper.

“Don’t hold back baby. Lemme hear ya. Wanna hear how good I make you feel.” Joel purrs as he’s stroking that soft spongy spot so well.

Your climax crashes over you like a wave against a rocky coast. You couldn’t stop even if you tried.

“Fuu- J-Joel…it feels so good”

“Thats it baby let go”

You clench around his fingers perfectly as you fall over the edge.

“Doin’ so good for me sweetheart. Soundin’ so beautiful.”

Joel leaves a trail of kisses and praise in the valley between your breasts and down your stomach.

“Can I taste you sweetheart?” He growls as he nips at the insides of your thighs. Pupils blows wide open when you lock eyes with him.

“Please” you whine

Joel gives a few kitten licks up your center to watch you squirm, then dives in like a starved man eating his last meal. You thrusted your hips forward grinding into his face desperately chasing anything he’ll give you. Joel’s harder than he’s ever been before, head dripping with pre-come at the feeling of you grinding on his face to chase your release.

He’d give you this every single day if you’d let him. He doesn’t even care about his own release. He could drown in between your legs and die a happy man seeing the pleasure he gives you from his tongue on your face.

Tag List:

@vee-bees-blog @vie-is-punk @musings-of-a-rose-writes @iamsherlocked-1998 @frecklefacelm @thatoneobsessedlinguist-writes @alyhull @sj66 @merci-killing @whenmondaycomes @ellishamae25 @romabloo @jennaispunk @elizabeth4th @runningmom94 @closetedconsumer @alongfortheridereader @thegingerlily @starlite41 @sirensheartbeat-blog @pedropascalfan221 @vivian-pascal @mads198-9 @f1shb0nez @almodovarispunk @pedroslittlelady @collection-of-fucking-chaos @megjohnston23 @pascalispunks-blog @skully-skeleton-bone0106

@peanutweanut @joelalorian @mssalmighty @mountainsandmayhem @zipp7201 @folkloreandfall @steadydragongalaxy @ceceliamariee @starrynight57-blog

@nahchiefimgood @i-love-taylor @hc-geralt-23 @hopelessromantic727 @casispunk @ctrlaltdel3te @drewharrisonwriter @teddyitalia @mexicanfolklore

@enchantingfireduck @thatwierdgirlmaddi-blog @art-estrange @amy

@chiefevelyn @niallsblckgirlfriend @unnecesarysstuff @horses1012ans @morgaussy @jellybeanxc @stxory @lavenderallergy8 @sj66 @spacecowgirl1111 @tupelomiss @hauntedpoetsdepartment @aromanticfever @regalwhovianbrowncoat774 @sweetperfectioncloud @honeymarvel @samarav @is-being-ignored-a-hobby @elliaze @kjo770 @amyispxnk

[scuderiasundays]

better together

summary: airline lounges, box box widgets, and a cheesy greeting card 💌

words: 1,045

a/n: the romcom girlie in me has always wanted to write a meet-cute and i've been listening to too much lizzy mcalpine! tagging @vamossainz55, @sainzcaleruega, @monzabee, @ssainzz, @diorleclerc, and @userlando just because. let me know if you'd want a part two! hugs and kisses 🫶🏼

Love comes when you least expect it. Those same old words had fallen from the lips of every person you knew, so much so that they now felt weightless. On this particular evening, you found yourself at your best friend’s wedding reception, zoning out at the open bar. You nodded along as some man who’d had one too many G&T’s rambled on about his meet-cute on the Paris metro. Seeing two people you adored make a lifelong commitment only reaffirmed the fact that you craved the same.

It was no secret you weren’t exactly the MVP of the single scene. On any given night out, you’d leave the club before midnight to get a full eight-hour snooze. Dating apps were a no-no, as reruns of Catfish had made you skeptical about “finding the one” online. At work, you kept a low profile, socializing just enough to have a tight circle of work friends. It was as if you were coasting on autopilot, wanting love but hesitant to steer towards it.

Not to say that being single was all bad. Every hard-earned dollar was invested right back into the things you loved: trips, clothes, and your dog Cannoli. You silently weighed the pros and cons of your lifestyle as you stepped into the airline lounge.

Setting down your latest read to save your seat, you made your way to the breakfast buffet and grabbed a plate of avocado toast, poached eggs, and a glass of orange juice. On your way back, you spotted someone in a hoodie and cap making themselves at home in the armchair opposite yours.

The whole lounge was virtually empty, and this just had to be his seat of choice? You slowly approached from behind and let out a quiet gasp as you noticed them flipping through your book. “Love languages, huh?” The man pointed at the cover and smiled.

Your pupils dilated twice their size as you registered just who it was. The fan-made bracelets, the Leica, and, most of all, the signature McLaren cap—it all fell into place. “My manager and I just got into a huge argument, and honestly, I’d rather be anywhere but with him right now. Do you mind if I-" He gestured towards the seat beside you, his eyes radiating a silent plea.

“No problem. Let me give you your space,” you responded, hastily gathering your things. Just as you were about to step away, his hand gently clasped your wrist. “I could use the company. I’m Bob, by the way,” he mumbled, oblivious to the fact that his cover was blown.

As in, you knew he was currently seventh place in the driver’s championship and slowly but surely climbing up the standings. The last thing he needed was for you to bring any of that up, so you did as he said, trying to give him a sense of normalcy he so deserved.

He headed to the breakfast buffet and returned with the very items you had selected. "Copying me?" you teased. “First step in getting to know you,” he grinned. Curious about your life, he asked about your job in the emergency room. You told him the hours were grueling but watching extremely sick patients leave healthy made it all worthwhile. "Hope I never end up being your patient," he joked.

His interest didn't stop there; he inquired about siblings (only child), your dream vacation destination (Antibes), and whether you were a dog or cat person (not even a question). You, being a proud dog mom, wanted to show your furry guy off and handed Lando your phone.

As he squinted at your phone, you heard him say, "7 days to go. United States Grand Prix." A wave of panic washed over you as you remembered the Box Box widget that also occupied your screen. The silence was deafening as you wished the ground would swallow you up. 

“Let me see the app,” He said. You normally wouldn’t have acquiesced so quickly, but you crumbled and unlocked your phone. He appeared to scroll and click a few things before he handed it back. “Widget Preferences. Constructor: McLaren? Driver: Lando Norris?” You asked as you noticed he’d made some selections.

“You hadn’t bothered with the preferences, so I took the liberty of choosing.” He blushed as the awkwardness of it all hung in the air. “That doesn’t feel fair. I’ve had all this time to get to know you, and I can’t say the same for the other drivers.” You teasingly retorted.

“I'll let the guys know they're in a tight race for your heart." He snickered. The man was on the verge of tears when his manager came by to remind him of his impending flight. “Flight’s in an hour, Lando,” snapped him right back to reality.

He entrusted you with his bags as he ran out to run a quick pre-flight errand. You couldn’t help but squeal the second Lando had vanished from view. What kind of magic was in the air at this airport and could it be bottled?

You tapped through your best friend’s Instagram stories as you awaited his return. The nearly empty lounge echoed as Lando asked a nearby gentleman for a pen and jotted something down. Breathless, he handed you a card, urging you to read it later.

"Your shoelace is untied," he mentioned, and as he bent down to tie it, his blue-green eyes met yours. 

The British racing driver left your life in the abrupt way he had entered it. You took in the card, decked out with drawings of mac and cheese, milk and cereal, and avocado and toast, captioned "Better Together" at the bottom.

It was the only card in the store, but it felt just right. You highlighted “words of affirmation” as your love language, so I thought I’d give this a go. Thanks for keeping me company. Talk soon? - LN 

His number was scribbled at the end. You quickly changed your lock screen widget to showcase his stats and took a screenshot to send his way.

New look. I might be biased, but I think you just became my favorite driver. Let's see if you can keep it up.

He replied right away.

I like the sound of that. When can I see you again?

[soracities]

Just a note from the other side of unrequited love - I (f) was completely blindsided when my friend (also f) told me she was in love with me. I thought we were just very good friends who’d known each other for a decade.

Her telling me was very sweet, but now I think about it, just added to my stress - I was telling her about one of my lowest points (which at the time was recent) where I had been made to feel completely inferior, and in return told me I was perfect to her. I sincerely thanked her, surprised by her insistence, and continued my story, but she interrupted me to tell me again that I was perfect. And that she loved me.

She asked my feelings - said it was fine if I didn’t feel the same. I think I knew in my heart that I didn’t, but I was so shocked and wanted time to think it through, which only confirmed I didn’t feel that way about her. I told her in one of the most awkward conversations in our friendship, and said that I hoped we could stay friends if she wanted to. She did.

And so we continued. I’d asked her when she told me - how long? when did you realise? what made you realise? - but she couldn’t answer. Though I’d been curious, I put them out of my mind for her comfort, and tried to return to normal.

It’s different now, though, for me, and I don’t think she realises. She makes occasional comments about how good we’d be as a couple because of how well we get on, or jokes about how we fall into traditional stereotypes of husband and wife. She’s even offered a few times again, jokingly-but-not, saying “I would still date you if you ever changed your mind…” She occasionally asks about my love life, and reiterates the offer. I make my feelings clear, and we change the subject, but I think I need to have a direct conversation to end it because I feel so uncomfortable every time it comes up as I know I won’t change my mind.

At first, I felt like I should love her the way she wants me to. How shallow am I to throw away a relationship just because I don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction to her? But I’m realising that to place such expectations on myself is unfair, and that shallow as it may be, those are two of the defining features that delineate platonic and romantic love. I’m the person she is closest to outside her family, so even if I thought space was best, I know it’d break her. She’s absolutely wonderful, as a friend. So I continue, keep things light hearted, tell her it’s not something I want when she brings it up, and worry inside when she starts planning our “supposedly platonic” future of buying our own apartment together… I’m fine really, but just wanted to say the other end of unrequited love is hardly ideal either!

i can completely, completely understand this, and i really, really hope you are able to have this conversation with her sooner rather than later, for both of your sakes so that you, and her, can begin to move on. no matter what this is always such a delicate situation and trying to navigate it with care and consideration for both of your feelings is never easy and never going to be without pain or heartbreak, no matter how much you may wish to mitigate that.

for what it's worth, i don't think it is being shallow--you can, absolutely, acknowledge your own needs, and respect those needs, while at the same time recognizing that someone else doesn't meet them and that this doesn't detract from their character either--it's not fair on yourself to carry such discomfort in your friendship and no matter how you go about this you cannot avoid the hurt because it is not so much a question of if there will be pain but when; your friendship should be able to nourish you both in the healthiest way possible and i hope, again, that you can open this conversation with your friend soon because it really sounds like it is needed. i'm sorry you're in such an uncomfortable and tricky situation but i'm sincerely wishing you the best through this, anon ♡

[intcritus]

while the architect had insisted that he didn't need company for the road to today's meeting , the captain had been persistent as usual and therefore hard to dismiss even for kaveh. for as it so happened kaeya had a way with words after all, and being subjected to those words had proven to be a weakness of the architect, the way his gaze would linger and lips would move. impossible, truly so. he had a hard time denying kaeya, and the thought of having someone to travel alongside was far more tempting than what kaveh - potentially - wished to admit.

but maybe kaeya saw through that as they were heading back for the evening, side by side as they were walking along dirt paths leading back to the studio found within the bustling city. hand in hand, the architect's fingers has intertwined with his, shoulder nudging against kaeya's.

"what's it like growing up in mondstadt?" he's soon inquire, maroon shifting towards the side of the captain, kaveh gazing curiously at the man he found himself calling his as of late. as much as they had shared, there was still thoughts and questions he had. "i have only ever known the comfort of sumeru, and despite certain turns and twists to my childhood, i've had it rather comfortable. are the winters harsh? i've never seen snow before, at least not in person."

Kaeya is nothing if not perceptive. He doesn’t need a brain to see that Kaveh would’ve liked company, even if he was stubborn about it. But even if he never said anything, the Captain would’ve joined him. And why not ? The chance to hold hands on the way back was far too enticing. He likes the feeling of Kaveh’s hand in his, of being able to brush his thumb along the architect’s knuckles as he hums in contemplation.

❝ ━ Mondstat was a second home to me, actually. But growing up there was busy. It was...fun ? There were so many people I didn’t know. It was foreign to me, but everyone was nice. ❞ He recalls their gentle smiles whenever Crepus had introduced him to the people, even as he hid behind the man’s knee. It was something of a fond, but conflicted memory. ❝ ━ Between the festivals and then exploring the forests surrounding Mondstat, I think I developed a bit of an adventurous spirit. There was always so much to explore. ❞ 

He thinks of the winters, of the unbearable cold on Dragonspine then in the city and finds himself grinning. The Captain has grown fond of the cold so he cannot hope to complain much about it, ❝ ━ They can be. Mostly on the mountains if you’re not properly prepared. But I like the snow, it’s cold but you can make shapes with it if shaped correctly. I think you would enjoy it a bit. Atleast for a little while. Maybe the children there would throw snowballs at you given the chance, they’re quite mischievous. ❞ 

He chuckles softly, bringing their joined hands to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the back of Kaveh’s hand. Being able to freely give affection to someone he thinks of as his, fills Kaeya with the sort of satisfaction of someone who’d shot the perfect arrow and caught a wild boar. ❝ ━ Your nose would be so red. I’d have to find some way to warm you. ❞ 

There’s a moment’s silence as he closes his eyes, enjoying the evening breeze and the warmth that flows over his skin, in the feel of Kaveh’s hand in his. His nearness is so pleasant. Could he keep a hold of Kaveh ? Could he grasp onto this for a little longer before having to go back to Mondstat ? Archons, how would he get anything done while yearning to be back in the architect’s presence ? It makes his heart cinch painfully just thinking about it.

❝ ━ There is something about Mondstat that embodies freedom that made it comfortable. That it made me want to protect it when dark days plagued it. Not out of obligation, but because freedom comes at a cost, but it shouldn’t suffer because I darkened it’s doorstep. ❞  A wry smile curves his lips and he shrugs, ❝ ━ Its lovely, busy and there’s so many people there who would welcome you warmly, I can’t imagine you wouldn’t fit right in. ❞ / @avaere

[kquil]

congratulations on 1k!!! you deserve this and so much more! could i get a cupcake 🧁 please?

i have wavy black hair, it’s layered and i have curtain bangs. my eyes are a very dark brown and i wear glasses. i’m south indian and i speak tamil.  i like spring a lot! especially because flowers start blooming around that time and i think flowers are lovely. i also really like to doodle. it’s fun, it’s quick, and  it’s relaxing!! but art in general is one of my passions. also music is almost always playing in the background whenever i do things. and i really love rom coms and romance novels!! idc if it’s really cheesy, i just think it’s cute! i definitely believe in true love, even if i don’t think i might be able to meet mine. my favorite color is maroon! i’m also a virgo and i value my grades a lot and that can spiral in the wrong direction at times. i’m also short, 5 feet to be exact, and people tell me that i have small hands. i love high fives though. my love language is either quality time or words of affirmation. i’m leaning towards quality time but words of affirmation does help keep me grounded. i always earrings and barrettes, and occasionally this one necklace. i’d like to think that i’m a nice person! i really like to explain things to people if they don’t understand a topic and i’m pretty good at it too. i compliment people a lot. like at least one person a day, it helps me not close up and like talk to someone new. i also find everything really pretty and beautiful. like literally everyone and everything is beautiful in one way or another and i find that so intriguing. if you really look into it you’ll see beauty in everything. oh also my brother is autistic, so i need someone who’d be okay with that. this went through a lot of random topics, but i hope it’s still okay. i’m sorry for rambling. thank you so much! take your time and have a wonderful day! i love you!

can i just say that you sound like such a lovely person to be around? omg! you're so sweet, i bet you brighten every room you walk into!

my apologises for being so late with this delivery, darling, i hope you enjoy my ship for you

I ship you with James Potter

i. the instant he finds out your love for flowers, he’s looking for every opportunity to get them for you, for your birthday, holidays, a random wednesday, when you’re sad, when you’re happy, when you pass an exam — every excuse! he just adores the smile that it puts on your face. he loves that smile of yours so damn much. he also finds out that you love doodling and offers himself up as a canvas for you when you run out of spare parchment to doodle on, it kinda tickles but he loves walking around and admiring your inky doodles on his forearm. One time, you doodled a heart on his cheek and he adored it, insisting that you kiss him there every few minutes and, of course, you would kiss him because he’s adorable. 

ii. he wasn’t really into reading romance novels until you came along and introduced him to them. he’s a hopeless romantic so he adores them just as much as you do. in fact, he read a majority of your favourite romance novels and replicated many of the romantic gestures the love interests did with each other, hoping to love you the best way he can; that is his one and only wish. 

iii. he admires how dedicated you are to maintaining your incredibly high grades. being with you has the benefit of better understanding topics that he didn’t already excel at either, james now has better grades across all subjects because you explain things so well to him. because you work so hard, he makes it a point to praise you often but he’s become very sensitive to the little quirks that give away your exhaustion and burn out. the instant he notices you spiralling because of your grades, he takes action to reassure you and pull you away so you could take a break and relax so that your health, mental and physical, stays at a good state. “just a quick break, angel,” he coos to persuade you, tugging on your hand and slowly pulling you away from your desk, “i promise you’ll feel better after,”

iv. he loves your small hands and the fact that, whenever you give him a high-five for a job well done after a quidditch game, your hands barely make it past his fingertips makes him awe at you. he loves picking you up and holding you there so he can pucker his lips and receive his kisses as you hold his face and lean down towards him. He just adores you and the way you look with the sun casting a halo around your head — you’re his angel. so you deserve all the jewellery he buys for you, mainly earrings and necklaces, you even got him to beg sirius to get barrettes for him to give to you whenever he went to france.  

v. he also loves how kind and friendly you are to people, complimenting them without prejudice. you’re always so kind and sweet and soooo perfect… you need to be told how pretty and beautiful you are always and he does just that for you, every day! he loves spending time with you just doing nothing because you’re all he needs to feel happy; when sad, all he has to do is see you and be around you to feel that the world is right again. naturally, you feel the same way about him. that feeling is increased when you finally introduce him to your autistic brother and james treats him like a brother he never had, much like sirius, they're practically best buddies and your brother adores him, maybe even more than you sometimes but you couldn't be happier!

1K MILESTONE EVENT : CLOSED | NAVI.

[mademoiselle-red]

TC chapter 7 reread thoughts

“A few more minutes cross-examination had involved him in factual accounts of Alec’s wife, Ralph’s girl friend, and his own partner […] Suddenly, for some reason, Reg dropped the subject in mid-air.” 🤣🤣🤣 Laurie, you are so bad at lying. Reg is like: ‘yup, definitely gay. No need to hear more about his made-up girls.’

When Laurie meets up with Andrew, he notices that Andrew is standing in “the same spot where Ralph had stopped the car last night”. Awwwww, I love how Laurie still has Ralph on his mind. And later, when Ralph calls, “Laurie was out of bed already, reaching for his dressing-gown. Although he hasn’t expected it before tomorrow, still the anticipation has subtly colored, and faintly disturbed the day.” Laurie’s been thinking about Ralph for the entire day 🥰, hoping, anticipating, eagerly waiting for him to call 😭😭😭

“Dimly he was aware that it wasn’t the loose talk at the party which was making him careless now; it was the dark confessional of the car on the empty road. […] Laurie was saying to himself that it would soon cease to seem so important, this discovery he had made that instead of accepting concealment as a permanent condition of his life, he had merely been enduring it.”

With Ralph, he has gotten a taste of what it’s like to simply he himself. And he is starting to realize that the relationship he has with Andrew is unsatisfying. Instead of complacently accepting that a chaste platonic relationship is the only acceptable form of love he can have, Laurie has realized that he can and do want more.

“It must be a bad time for him. A little sad, I expect, to meet someone who’d only known him in the days of his glory.” Laurie tried to keep before him the intrinsic kindness of this; but he was even more deeply aware than he wished to be of its unconscious cruelty. He said quickly, “[…] I’d found out that he saved my life.”

“How lucky you found out in time.” There was a helpless and painful silence.

First off, WHAT INTRINSIC KINDNESS???? It was an unkind, insensitive, and rude thing to say about a friend of your friend 😡

I’m glad Laurie immediately and instinctively responded to Andrew’s cruelty by telling him how Ralph saved his life 😤

But then Andrew guilts Laurie into feeling bad about the fact that Ralph saved his life. As if Ralph saving his life is somehow an affront to Andrew. Once again, like earlier with his mother’s marriage, Laurie is confiding in Andrew about someone important to him, and Andrew makes it all about himself and his own moral crisis over pacifism 🤦

And Laurie chooses to suppress his own feelings as to not upset Andrew: “We’ve had all this in principle. Let’s be sensible when something concrete turns up.” This pretty much sums up Laurie’s ostrich in the sand attitude towards Andrew. He keeps trying to dismiss the concrete evidence of their incompatibility and the concrete relationship he has built with Ralph in favor of the “principle” he is trying to follow with Andrew.

“It’s alright. About the only time you ever get to be alone is when you’re with me. I take it as a compliment.” Such a telling statement! Being with Andrew is the same as being alone! Poor Laurie 😢

“It hasn’t occurred to Laurie to have any conversation ready; one always imagined Ralph taking charge. Now, sensing at the other end a tentativeness at least equal to his own, he felt suddenly afraid of drying up. The thought of Ralph ringing off after a few perfunctory commonplaces came to him with a terrible sense of flatness, disappointment and failure. He hasn’t anticipated any of this. However, it was all right after all, and in the end they talked for nearly ten minutes.”

A few fan discussions I’ve read attribute the better quality of Ralph/Laurie phone conversations (and the success of their relationship in general) to Ralph’s skill. But what skill? Where is the skill? He’s just as awkward as Laurie here! Like I said in my post on the previous chapter, they manage to have a good time because Laurie makes an effort. He doesn’t just give up and wave a white flag across the distance like he does when on the phone with Andrew 😤

I think Laurie does not give himself enough credit, and has a tendency to attribute everything that goes well in their relationship to Ralph’s “skill”, and then resents Ralph for it. But so much of this “skill” is the result of them both making an effort to make each other comfortable.

“When he got back Reg said, “You look better, Spud. Coming in just now you looked properly cheesed.”

“I think a nice girl ring for you, Spoddi”

He was dismayed to feel that he had blushed violently.

You know, Laurie has been going on all these idyllic “dates” with Andrew all this time in the hospital, but he apparently has never walked in from one of those looking like he does now after a 10 minute phone call with Ralph, with such obvious love and happiness written all over his face that Reg and Charlot immediately take notice and think a girl called him up 😏. I love how Laurie is so incapable of hiding his love for Ralph 😍😍😍

“Suddenly, as if memory had been kept in storage especially for this, he saw […] Ralph’s face against the background of the dismantled study. Ralph had been nineteen. He would have had a good laugh, Laurie thought, […] at the thought of a grown man in wartime making such heavy weather of so little. And, for that matter, what would he think of it now?”

It’s very significant that the memory of Ralph’s courage and the desire to become a person Ralph would respect gives Laurie the courage to act on his feelings for Andrew. And it is then pretty unsurprising that in chapter 15, without this faith in Ralph to support him, Laurie losses the courage to meet Andrew in London.

“Earlier today, during one of the current invasion rumors, Laurie had pictured an English Thermopylae behind the Home Guard road-blocks; amid the last-ditch grimness of this vision there had intruded a vague exhilaration, and he realized that he had imagined Ralph beside him. So, but much more so, it was now, and with this sudden comfort he found he had got to the door.”

I find it very touching and poignant that in Laurie’s daydreams and fantasies, Ralph is the person he imagines beside him. I’m reminded of the observation from chapter 15 that in the days and nights he spent with Ralph in Bridstow, Laurie lived each day as if the world would end tomorrow. He may not have made up his mind to live with Ralph, but he is willing and ready to die with him. Being joined together in death is the easy part (as Romeo and Juliet discovered). Living is harder.

I love how in this chapter, Andrew has become an interlude, as we the readers (and Laurie) eagerly await and anticipate the next meeting with Ralph, and the further development of their relationship

[soliel-et-lune]

back and forth, in and out, you breaking down the door to my home that kept you out with nothing but drunk ramblings of confessions of love that you didn’t believe yourself. one thing i’ve realised- it’s easier to love you when you’re away. it’s easier to force my ideals of what we could be when i know you’re not around to either disappoint or live up to my expectations. it’s easier to live with what we could have been than what we could be now. first love this, first love that. the love i thought was there, never arrived in the first place - that’s what you said. what am i supposed to do when i know i felt it when you held me? in your drunk confessions that you can’t seem to remember? did i mistake your desperation to be touched for love? did i mistake you for someone who’d love me more than i loved myself? unrequited, unrequited, unrequited is all that echoes in my head every time you find your way in and my self esteem sinks deeper into its grave while my walls grow taller with every passing day. i once remember crying to my mother, asking her “if she couldn’t love me enough to say who’s ever going to?” i like to think you broke my heart and while you’ve asked me over and over why i’m hurt i can’t stand to tell you that i’m so in love with you that i can’t stand being around you — only for you to tell me that i can’t expect things to be the same as they were before. standing in front of you, my body suddenly becomes a bare cathedral that you once devoted yourself to but decided to abandon because god isn’t real anyway. you gifted me faith on my 16th birthday and i’m losing it all now. i’m losing you now, but now i know, i never had you in the first place. in a few years, i’ll have skin that you will never have touched and clothes that you didn’t pick out for me. in a few years, the memories will become meaningless teenage dreams. i hope i live to see those years. i’m leaving you here. i’m closing the back door that i promised would always remain open for you. you can climb the fences and yell and knock, but there won’t be an answer when you do. but if i see you on the street, i’ll smile and wave like i never loved you so much that i’d live for you. you didn’t see me turn 17 and there’s nothing that makes me happier. and god, i’m 17 now, with almost 4 years of vague memories of you, and i am fucking letting you go, because i can’t meet you halfway — you’ll leave me in the cold with a headache from your perfume and the hollowed pockets of my cardigan you borrowed, and i can’t stand to see your back turning on me again. i can’t walk back from your place to mine again, crying, wishing that you just loved me enough.

[or-something-better]

October 10, 2022

🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨

This week's writing Topic is:

"If you could spend One Day in someone else's shoes, who would it be and why did you choose them?"

Sam

This was actually a hard topic for me… not because I wouldn’t want to experience life from another’s perspective, but because I soooo would.

We have such a wide variety of experience all around us here. Which of us wouldn’t want to see the world through the prism of Henry’s child-like innocence or feel the excitement and possibilities that Patience must be seeing just starting out on her psychic journey? Then there’s Bobby, I swear that man has forgotten more things than I will ever learn. Even getting to walk in Crowley’s overpriced loafers, would glean me something that might help to bring other things into focus.

Since the Topic sentence was lacking in specificity, I’m going to choose as my ‘walk in their shoes’ person, my Dad, John Winchester. But not the John Winchester some of you knew. I’m wanting to experience one of his days Before that fire in my nursery and the arrival of Yellow-eyes.

I want to feel what his family life was like before all that came after. Dad was a skilled mechanic who’d married the love-of-his-life. They’d just added another son to their white picket fence family life. What must his days have been like?

Filled with love? Pretty sure, my brother worshipped the man since his own first breath and from all accounts Mom did too. So, I’d say love was a big factor. He also must have had satisfaction with his job. A skill he was good at and that provided for his family. But I think the biggest things I’d love to have a glimpse of, were his dreams of the future. How did he see his life turning out? Maybe his own garage one day? Watching his sons graduate college or maybe rolling the dice on a third child hoping for a little girl?

His dreams are an insight I’d truly love to have, because I’m sure that HE had them…  once upon a time. Dad wasn’t always the angry, drunken, hardly-ever-there Father that I grew up knowing. What I wouldn’t give to know him some other way.

…………………………………..

Ruby

If you could spend One Day in someone else's shoes, who would it be and why did you choose them?

This is probably going to sound odd or egotistical, but truthfully, I would choose me. Not the “now” me, but the “me” about a month after I sold my soul.

I had been a witch long enough to start making a difference in the village. My brother, Arthur, had already died three months earlier. I feared losing my only other family member to the plague as well. I had seen the failure of the village’s so-called healers and was determined not to let my mother fall under his ineptitude.

Under Astaroth’s tutelage, I learned everything I could to become a powerful witch. I saved many of the villagers, but the single most important person was my mother. She died about a year before my time was up. I never felt that I’d been cheated out of anything.

So, yes, I think I would enjoy reliving one of those days when I truly felt needed and accomplished.

…………………………

Bela

If I could spend one day in anyone else's shoes who would it be and why? Now isn't that an interesting question? That's also a very hard question. While I admire everything Sam and Dean have been through... Going to hell and back.... Saving the world from so many monsters....

They always manage to succeed almost seemingly without trying.... And seems they are well trusted even when they started the apocalypse and destroyed Lilith...that stupid bitch...

But then again... Francoise Bettencourt Meyers… now there's a strong... Successful woman! The richest bitch in the world. Although mostly inherited... But now the chairwoman for a damn hair product business...

I mean yes, I am pretty successful and make ends meet myself... And the money I'm able to bring in with all these artifacts I get my hands on is amazing... And no, I no longer have family to get a fortune from like she did... But wouldn't that be the best life? Not a care or want in the world… not having to worry about anything?

Just have everything served on a silver platter... Fancy home, car, can have food catered... Pay for anything your hear desires.

That would be the life... I mean my home and car are fairly decent. Hell I could even have my own museum if I was in her shoes... buy the artifacts legally, store them in the museum. Charge people for visiting to see all the artifacts daily. Yes. I think that would be the honest... Legal successful life I would dream of. Not to mention all the extra income from the hair products. If only... I wonder how easily I could make that happen.... Is it worth another deal?

………………………..

Crowley

When reflecting on my life be it good, bad, ugly, or just plain evil I always find a common thread. No matter what I did, the end goal was always to hope I’d find love in the end. Motives may always be convoluted or bizarre, even downright stupid. Still, I always desired a way to be loved. If I could spend a day in the shoes of someone else, I’d want to be able to have that love and even that admiration.

There’s so many people I could choose from, people with talent, people with success, or people who are loved that may seem like the obvious choice. With my privileged position though, I know not all of it is genuine. Maybe people had that special helping hand that I am able to say, aren’t as good as they seem. But there’s one person, just one who was kind, who was remembered for the love that they had, and the love they received in spades. I’d want to walk in the loafers and cardigans of Mr. Fred Rogers.

I remember finding out about that program, I’d been leaving a business deal and heard it on the telly. I saw the way both parent and child hung on every word. I shamelessly admit that even as King of the Crossroads, I tuned in to a PBS program teaching people how to be kind to others. Something about the soft voice had me hanging on every word, the genuine warmth that was in every lesson. Somehow just watching it, I felt the love I never had as a human. Like there was a parent out there proud of my achievements. If I could walk in those shoes, I know I would feel the love he sparked in millions. The love he’d reignited in a broken demon.

……………………………

Ellen

Why do we get asked questions like this? I wonder. Cause hunting and saving the world don't keep our minds busy enough?

Well I would say if I could trade for a day I would choose Jon Winchester. I would go back to that day my Bill died. To be the one to be there. To see what happened, to see why Jon never told the boys about us, or why he could never look me in the eye. Im sure it was hard for him too. Was he alone, did Jon really have his back, what happened. And as I reflect on those questions I'm reminded that Jon also left family behind. And what if he was the one that died that day? How would the boys have known? Now, don't get me wrong, Jon seemed like a fine man. But I knew him as a Hunter. And he became like family to me and mine. I just want to know what happened that awful day that took my heart.

But that's who I would trade a day with. I would want to know I did everything I could to change it.

……………………………….

Patience

who's shoes would I want to walk in for a day. If I could walk in someone else's shoes for a day without a doubt would have to be Saint Joan of Arch. At the age of 12 she started to hear the angels and sometimes even spoke to God. He wanted her to lead the army. She was fierce and determined to do God's work, but was rejected because of being female. So she cut her hair and dressed as a man. Finally she was given permission to lead the army. After a little more than a year she was captured, but after telling how she was obeying god's word she was ostracized called a witch and sentenced to be burned at the stake. I know it wasn't long ago but in the 8th grade my history class did a skit about Joan of Arch and since then she has been my idol, a woman of faith and only wanting to do God's work. Yes even though she was burned she has been my idol. Many many years later was named Saint Joan of Arch. So if I could walk in her shoes for a day it would be hers.

………………………..

Alex

Sit down and pull out my book

Hello there I am going tell you If i could spend One Day in someone else's shoes, who would it be and why did you choose them?

Olivia Elizabeth Jones Future Hunter!

One day Olivia will be great hunter and follow her mom footsteps. Be knowing everything and every step case and monster.

Smart knowing, fight and work hard. Helping out her family’s and food run

Clean the gun and knife after the hunt and also teaching other shooting targets practice.

And learning being a nurse like her mom.

Look up that it thank you for reading put book away

………………………….

Charlie

I really dont think it’s a secret, who I would be if I could. Most of my life I’ve hidden behind computers and lived my life through the characters I play. I can’t deny that being a heroine is pretty attractive to me. If I could be anyone, it would be Hermione Granger. The girl did it all! She had intelligence and almost always ended up saving the day!! Even if Harry took all the credit, without Hermione he never would have gotten anywhere. She’s fearless and fierce and everything I’d like to be…. Although after spending some time with Dorothy…. She was much more of a heroine than the books portrayed…. And we saved Oz…. But Hermione has magic… if I had that… maybe I would have lost less people in my life…who knows? But for the most part I’m content to be me, with the family I have now and the life I live (minus the monsters) it’s pretty perfect.

[heliads]

Hi! Could I please request a Nikolai Lantsov x reader where they’re childhood friends that fell out of touch (with mutual pining, no doubt :) but meet up again on the open seas, when he’s tailored as Sturmhond but wants to talk to them as Nikolai? I like the idea of a pirate reader, though I’d love to see where you go with the idea. Thank you so much! Love your work ♥️

the vibes of this request >> let me tell you anon i was THRILLED

masterlist

There was a time when you thought the world could only ever end, that you would live your life start to finish within the same four walls, or at least variations of them. You centered your entire being around insignificant things that could never last long— a wildflower left without water in the dry earth outside your home, a friend you made when you were just a child— and grew consequently hopeless when they all left in turn. 

What do crackling leaves and vanishing golden blond boys have in common, though? They teach you lessons no one else will. Lessons about how if you crave something not given to you, you must take it by force. Lessons about how although everyone leaves, it is far less painful if you are the one shipping out on strange tides. You did your time of learning, and now you push it further still on the bow of a ship you taught yourself to sail and master. 

Few people would expect someone who had once been a well trained Ravkan to trade their entire life for one at sea. Those who know you, though, wouldn’t even bat an eye. You have never been made for cages, and now you break them. It’s as easy as that. 

There were a few times when you wondered if you were making a mistake to cast off all your old ties for this. There had been moments when you swore your precious Ravka held everything you could ever need. There was a family, once, that promised you the world. There was a friend, once, who made you think that you could have it. 

Your childhood has long since disappeared, however, carrying with it parents and their fables as well as blond boys who know too much for their own good. You know what was expected of you, and you hated it. Too terrified of turning into those same people you saw every day, you fled. Let the gilded gates of Ravka wither with rust. You will not be there to see them fall. 

Thus a ship was acquired and a crew was found. It can be difficult to track down men worth trusting in any province, let alone one run by gold-drunk old men, but you make do with what you’ve got, you always have. Convicts and criminals may run with wolves every night, but they’ll protect you in a heartbeat, and rather do it above anything else.

That was where one chapter closed and another began. You’ve been on the seas for a few years now, staying afloat through odd jobs that have a miraculous way of paying you far more than they should. Interest runs high when there’s no one to check you. It would certainly be a shame if your men took more than their fair share from those who have too much money to ever miss it, wouldn’t it?

You’ve gained a name for yourself over these years as well. Among the lighthearted community out there on the sea, few could hope to have half the reputation that crowns your head. There’s one like-minded soul that you wouldn’t mind meeting, but then again, the list of people who’d like to meet Sturmhond could fill an armada. You’ve heard rumors that he’s talked of engaging with you as well, but you can only take those with a grain of stolen salt. Thieves of the sea forge truths as often as false documentation; until you meet the man himself, you’ll never know for sure if he truly wants to know you or not.

Still, when you’re out with your crew one day, heading out of the Ravkan harbor after another successful voyage, it isn’t beyond you to search the endless seas for some sign of another ship. And, when one of your crew stationed up in the crow’s nest for lookout shouts something down about seeing a schooner speeding up towards you, you can’t help a leap in your chest. Everyone’s heard stories about the Volkvony, but fewer still have actually seen it in person or lived to tell the tale.

When you stride over to the side of the deck to get a better look, though, your hopes are confirmed. It is indeed the Wolf of the Waves, Sturmhond’s flagship, and it is indeed approaching you. This close to Ravka, it’s hard to tell if the privateer could actually be gunning for you or just headed towards the coast, but they drop anchor soon enough.

You haven’t done anything to irritate the infamous seaman as far as you’re aware, so this meeting could be merely a passing pleasantry. All the same, you tell your crew to be on high alert. Sturmhond is notorious for narrow escapes and bold moves. It would be just like him to rob a fellow privateer just for the thrill of saying he could do it.

When the redheaded man first steps foot on your deck, however, you do have to wonder if he could truly be here for any nameable crime. His face is harsh, weatherbeaten and rugged as if carved into being by a blade instead of shaped by any Saintly hands, but it still holds a certain something that lends itself well to receiving stares. He takes his time getting a good look at the ship and the crew before he looks at you, so you have the pleasure of studying him before Sturmhond is ever able to consider you.

You take your time in it, too. You have never met the privateer, and would certainly remember it if you did, every detail down to the flamboyant teal frock coat, yet you can’t shake the feeling that something about him is familiar. You find yourself searching his face for some sign of recognition– perhaps a shade of muted green in his eyes that you’ve seen elsewhere, or a lock of copper hair that reminds you of a sailor you’d passed before, but can find no explanation anywhere in your memories.

At first, you think you must be confused, merely trying to delude yourself into thinking that you could have a connection with such a famous master of the seas, and then Sturmhond looks at you at last and you know you’re not making things up. He is careful to keep his face light, his expression sharp yet bright, but for a moment his demeanor slips. There is one half second in which you lock eyes and you swear that he recognizes you, and in that brief infinity, you know that you were wrong to ever doubt yourself.

The instant is over in a heartbeat, and then Sturmhond is back to his usual self. He claps his hands together, announcing for all the world to hear that he had heard of your ship in passing and wished to meet a fellow captain. He’s done this before, you’ve heard of Sturmhond evaluating sea captains to see if they’d fit in well with his fleet, so it’s not unusual for him to pay you this visit.

Still, when his eyes linger on you, you can almost convince yourself that there’s another reason for his presence here, something that he’s not telling you or at least won’t mention in front of the crowds of pirates surrounding him. You nod once and extend a hand towards the captain’s quarters.

“How about we speak somewhere in private? I would welcome any chance to confer with a fellow seaman.”

Sturmhond laughs briskly at the understatement of his title, and strolls over to accept your invitation. He keeps up his air of unconcerned bravado while all eyes on him. It is a different story once the door shuts behind you and the voices of the crew fade into the background.

You take a seat behind your desk and gesture for Sturmhond to relax as well. He makes a show of flicking his coat as he sits to show off rows of pistols, knives, and other weapons, but it doesn’t faze you for a second.

Instead, you steeple your fingers on the table in front of you. “Do you want to tell me why you’re really here?”

The privateer laughs again, and you swear that there’s something familiar in it, some sort of tone that you’ve heard before. “Can’t I just drop in on a friend?”

“We’ve never met before,” you counter, but add on something more when his face drops almost imperceptibly, “or have we?”

“I would hope that I’d make such a fantastic impression that you’d have no choice but to keep vivid memories of me wherever you go,” Sturmhond says pleasantly, “If that’s not the case, I’ll need you to keep that to yourself. I have an image to uphold, you see.”

You nod once, eyebrow raised. “Oh, of course. And how does that image relate to the fact that you’re being Tailored?”

Sturmhond’s face drops in a flash, although he picks up his charade a half second later. Still, even the momentary lapse is enough for you to recognize that you’ve seen straight through him. “I hope that’s your way of saying that I’m so handsome that I have to be the work of a Grisha, but it’s not the case. Many have tried to discredit my natural beauty, but–”

You cut him off with a raised hand. “But it’s true, isn’t it? You look at me like you’ve seen me before. That would only work if you’re wearing a different face than when we met. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? You knew me as someone else and you want to see what’s become of me. Tell me, was it before or after I took to the seas?”

Sturmhond waits a second, two, and you’re just about to wonder whether you’ve colossally misread the situation and Sturmhond really isn’t Tailored at all when he sighs. It sounds like the dying breath of a god, all weighty pain and deep grief.

“Before,” he whispers, “long before.”

It is the easiest thing in the world for a pirate to lie; you’re all taught it at a very young age. Still, you know instantly that Sturmhond is telling the truth. You don’t know how you know, you just do. You know him better than you know yourself. It is something only many years of contact would teach you.

“How old were we when we met?” You ask tentatively. Pieces are starting to click together in the back of your mind, memories you haven’t thought about in quite a long time. His face may be changed, but his voice– something about his voice, maybe, his eyes, the way he looks at you–

The corners of Sturmhond’s mouth prick up into a half smile. “I don’t remember. Very young. We knew each other for quite some time too, and then I had to leave suddenly. I don’t even know that I was able to say goodbye. I was–”

You interrupt him again, this time with a shaky laugh. “Blond. You were blond and a prince. Saints, Nikolai, what have you become?”

It is a gamble to say his name like this, out of nowhere with little to no evidence to back it up. All the same, seeing Stumhond– Nikolai– and the way his face lights with some indescribable emotion the second you say his name is how you know you’re right beyond measure.

This is him, then. This is Nikolai Lantsov. This is the childhood friend you worshipped when you were barely knee height, the boy you grew up with until he disappeared one day without a trace. You had met him somewhere you can’t remember, on a street whose name is both the only thing you will ever know and also the first to vanish from your mind when you need it most. Nikolai had been your best friend, your truest friend, and the one whose absence hurt more than any blade when he left.

It makes sense now, of course. Nikolai was a Lantsov above all else. Of course he would be called away from you at some point, he had duties you couldn’t even begin to understand. You heard rumors that he was in the military, or studying in Ketterdam, and then some other grand plan that criminals like you wouldn’t be privy to in a thousand years, no matter how well you knew Ravka’s golden youngest son.

Here he is now, though, wearing a face that isn’t his and smiling at you like he has finally found the one treasure no pirate could ever dream of taking. You look at him, and although every facet of his face is changed, you see him. Nikolai. Your Nikolai.

You can’t help a smile. “What are the odds that we’d both pick this career path?”

Nikolai grins as well. “Surely very small. I didn’t think you’d recognize me this easily, though. I have to say, it’s making me doubt my own appearances, and I prefer to do that as little as possible.”

You chuckle. “I’ve known you for years, Nik, you can’t honestly believe that I wouldn’t see straight through you. What was your plan, then, if I didn’t recognize you? You would sweep up to my ship, engage in some idle chatter, and leave without telling me a thing? Would you really be so cruel as to let me go another few years without knowing that I’d met you again?”

Nikolai’s eyes shine at the nickname. “I didn’t know what my plan was. I had heard stories, but I didn’t dare connect your name with them until I saw you and knew for sure. When my men spotted your sails this morning, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay away unless I saw you again. It’s been too long, Y/N. Far too long.”

You nod in agreement. “What will you do with yourself now that you know it’s me? Pack up your things and sail off to another distant corner of the world just like you’ve been doing all this time?”

Your tone holds no malice, only the faintest hint of regret. Losing Nikolai had been like losing yourself when it happened all those years ago, and now you’ve got to say goodbye to him all over again despite just getting him back.

Nikolai, too, seems unwilling to part ways just yet. “We don’t have to separate,” he whispers, “I’m in need of a good captain in my ranks. Someone I can trust more than anyone. That has always been you and you know it.”

You let a small smile slip onto your face. “Are you offering me a job, Sturmhond?”

You emphasize the false name and he rolls his eyes. “Your old friend misses you,” he replies, “isn’t that enough? That and the promise of untold wealth?”

He holds out his hand, and you shake it without a second’s hesitation. “I’d follow you anywhere,” you say simply, “I would hope that you’d know that.”

Nikolai stands, and, crossing around the desk, pulls you into a tight embrace that leaves you breathless. Without his Tailored face hidden in the crook of your neck, you can pretend that nothing has ever changed, that you are both still children growing up on Ravkan shores that have yet to cast you off.

“I don’t want to let you go again,” he says against the top of your head, “I look forward to seeing you fly my colors, moi kapitan.”

You laugh. “Always the flirt, weren’t you?”

“Anything for you,” Nikolai says breezily, and extends a hand towards the door. “Shall we tell your crew of the good news? I’m sure they’ve been waiting long enough.”

You nod, but steal one last moment to stand here and look at him. You have your friend back, your Nikolai, your captain. Nothing could make you happier. At last, you walk to the door of your cabin and push it open. A wave of dazzling sunlight threatens to blind you, and through the rippling light, you see Nikolai by your side. Him and nothing more.

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @thatfangirl42, @amortensie, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy

[ahundredtimesover]

A Still Day or A Hurricane (11) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: single mom lawyer!OC x pastry chef!Jungkook; angst, fluff, smut; age gap

Chapter Warnings: foul/explicit language; single parenthood, motherhood; mention of a sexual harassment case; explicit sexual content (making out, straddling, ass slapping, oral (m & f receivin), protected sex, OC hates kinky pet names, love bites (18+)

Chapter Word count: 16.2k

Status: Completed

Series summary: Driven by your perfectionist attitude and need to have everything in order, you planned that by age 30, you’d have made junior partner, bought your own apartment, and have children. You achieved them, of course, and while the last bit required you to take matters into your own hands - no thanks to your ex-boyfriend who dumped you but to your best friend who directed you to a fertility clinic - you’re now a 31-year old who pretty much has her life under control. You’re ready to raise your child on your own, that is, until the 20-something pastry chef flirts his way into your heart, messing up the perfect little life you worked so hard to have for yourself.

A/N: 2 to go! I hope it’s been a fun ride for you who joined me on this journey!

Listen to: When You Love Someone (Day6), By My Side (Junny), Love Like That (LambC) || Playlist 🎶

Series Masterlist

##

“Well, well, well. I never thought I’d see the day when Atty. Kim ___ would be openly and shamelessly flirting with one of my own,” Hobi smirks as he sits across from you in your favorite corner at Blue Side, laughing as he watches you bite your lips and hold back a smile while Jungkook tries to show off his coffee-making skills, smirking as he goes.

“And you, little angel,” the cafe owner continues, tickling Heejin who’s in a high chair. “What do you think of your Mama being all giddy about it?”

“Oh, she’s getting used to it. Getting used to him, actually,” you reply, cocking your head towards Jungkook who’s now boxing some eclairs for a to-go order but who cheekily smiles at you when he catches your eyes again. 

“And how does that make you feel?” Hobi asks, sipping the iced americano he can’t go a morning without. “Also, can I just say? I love how you’re not denying anything. About time.”

“Okay, well there was nothing to deny before,” you correct, but feeling good that you’re able to properly talk about this with Hobi. “You know how things were for me, and Jungkook just didn’t fit into it. He was okay with being my friend but I knew he wanted more and I couldn’t give him that.”

“And what about now?”

“I think I can. This little angel and I finally can,” you smile, mirroring your friend’s sweet and infectious one.

“Who would’ve thought that my impulsive Singapore trip that one year would lead me to meeting Jungkook in the hotel where he interned and I got to snatch him up… only for him to, well, be my best asset and also be the reason why my favorite customer is as happy as she is right now,” he chirps. 

“You’re glowing, ___. And Jimin says the same. I’m so glad it’s working out with you and Jungkook. I won’t say I’m not surprised because the kid is relentless, but he cares about you and Heejin so much. It makes me emotional just thinking about it.”

“And why is that?”

“Well, you know how he is. Jungkook is a ball of joy and innocence - for the most part, at least - and he’s just always taken life so lightly, so carelessly, searching for that next high, content with what he finds and what he loses. But ever since you and Heejin came around, things started to matter more for him,” Hobi narrates, like a proud older brother. 

“He likes to joke around all the time but with you taking him seriously, trusting him, believing in him… that did a lot to him. Like he could be someone that another person can truly depend on, that they can trust, that they can one day love.”

You take in your friend’s words, thinking that as someone who’d taken a chance on Jungkook and who’d watched him grow professionally at this cafe, through the ups and downs of the job and what he had to go through because of you, this means a lot for him, too. Hobi and Jimin have always been cautious talking to you about Jungkook, not wanting to take sides nor push something to you knowing how you are. But with things looking up for you and the cheeky pastry chef, it seems that there’s more openness on their end this time. 

And Hobi is right. Jungkook likes to enjoy things. He likes to have fun and treat life like a wave that he rides through, like he can just get back to the surface if he falls into the water and he’d be laughing as he gets up because it was a pretty amazing wave. And you like that about him; you like that confidence in himself that he’ll be okay whatever happens, that what matters is he even gets to experience something remotely beautiful, and somehow, you get to watch him do that. 

He elicits a certain joy that’s child-like in a way but heartwarming, too. And he has that sense of wonder all the time. Whether he’s talking about some cave he explored during a trip somewhere, or narrating his multiple failed attempts before making the perfect napoleon, or going to a nearby beach to watch the sunrise, he looks at the world like it’s the first time he’s seeing it. And he makes you want to look at the world that way, too.

You can’t help but think that at some point, you took that away from him. Or at least, for the briefest moment when he was trying to get over you, the joy died down a bit. After the argument you had the other week about his neighbors and your own insecurity overwhelming you, you had time to think about all the things he said. 

He talks about losing you like it’s his biggest fear, and for all the times that you’d been the one left behind, to have someone be scared of not having you in their life is different. It’s quite transformative, too. 

“You know that I hurt Jungkook a lot, though,” you break out of your thoughts. “I can’t ever take those back.”

“I know. It’s easy to tell when his heart is breaking, too. Everyone kinda figures it out,” Hobi laughs. “We’ve had to talk a lot about that, what he was feeling and all, what he should and shouldn’t do. But all those times when it was hard, he did something harder - he kept still. He waited for you. This is a guy who rarely stops to think about what he’s doing and why and where he’ll go, but when it came to you, it was all he did.”

“Bet it was a new experience for you, huh?” You chuckle.

“Yeah, it was pretty heartbreaking. But I felt proud, too, in a way. It became clear to him what he wanted, what made him happy. And that was you and Heejin, and trust me, ___, he’s really happy. He’d talk about your weekend trips as if he’d never been to Nami or Seoul Forest before,” Hobi playfully shakes his head. 

“Oh, god. That is so embarrassing. We’ve become that couple,” you cover your face in shame, to your friend’s amusement. 

“Hey, it’s adorable!”

“What’s adorable?” Jungkook says, settling next to you as he places the breakfast croissant in front of you. “Me?”

“You being whipped for me and Heejin, according to Hobi,” you reply.

“Well, Dea tells me to shut up most of the time but at least the boss here thinks it’s cute,” Jungkook shrugs, bending to face Heejin and giving her a spoonful of strawberries. 

“Hmm,” Heejin hums with her eyes closed as if she didn’t have those last night.

“What do you say to Kookoo, bubba?”

“Thank you, Kookoo!” She smiles, giggling when Jungkook kisses her cheek multiple times. 

“You’re welcome, sunshine. Eat up, okay?”

Jungkook turns to you. “And you, too. You have a long day at work, so have this, then I’ll get you something for in-between meetings today.”

“What about my breakfast dessert?” You smile innocently.

“As an employee of this cafe who abides by the rules, I’m afraid I cannot give you free food, sorry,” he says teasingly. “You can suck up to my boss for that one.” 

“Ugh, pine after me again. I miss the days when you’d give me free dessert.” 

“You liar, you hated it!” He laughs, bending again to feed Heejin after she tugs his hand. 

“Maybe just a little,” you admit. “But fine. I’ll just wait for the next time you get inspired and need me to taste test. Now go focus on work. Hobi and I are gossiping about you.”

“Be nice,” he mouths before heading back to the kitchen. 

“I can’t decide if you two are like a married couple or teenage lovers,” Hobi chuckles. 

“We’re both, I guess. Depends on how I’m feeling,” you shrug. 

“It’s nice to see, though, you I mean.”

“It’s nice to experience it, too. After everything that’s happened, he lets me feel like I don’t need to apologize for who I am or what I’m not,” you share. “I don’t feel like I’m too much or not enough. Do you know how refreshing that is, to be exactly like myself and have someone who doesn’t feel threatened, who doesn’t ask for too much, who just… wants to be with me?”

“It is quite special, isn’t it?” Hobi smiles. “You and Heejin deserve all this, keep that in mind always.”

You nod in response, appreciating the friendship you’ve created with the radiant cafe owner that’s brought you here. 

You both proceed to talk about the past weekend you spent at an amusement park because Taehyung and Sun-hee just suddenly felt like it. Jungkook was the excited one, joining your siblings in all the rollercoasters but enjoying the most when he went on the carousel and teacup ride with you and Heejin. He had her on his shoulders as you walked around while she pulled his hair in excitement, and Hobi coos at all the photos and videos you show him.

You’re finishing feeding Heejin when Jungkook approaches you again with a plate of eclair. 

“This was this morning’s sample,” Jungkook says, side-winking at you but Hobi sees it anyway, earning both of you a high-pitched laugh. 

“Thank you, Jungkook,” you chuckle. 

You stop when you see your mother enter the cafe. She makes it to your table and greets each one, kissing Heejin on the cheek and then hugging Jungkook.

“Hi, Auntie. Are we going for pastry or French Toast this morning?” He asks.

“Oh, the French Toast, Jungkook!” Your mom chirps. “Still thinking about that one. Thank you, dear.”

“No worries. I’ll make it for you.”

Your mom settles on the seat next to Heejin. “So, this little one and I will cozy it up at home before we head out to lunch and some shopping. Do I drop her off at your place at night or you’ll pick her up?”

“I can pick her up at your place,” you respond. “I have a hearing in the afternoon and that might take a while.”

“Got it, honey. She and I will bond and have fun, so don’t worry about it, okay?”

You nod and then ready yourself to leave, kissing your mom and Heejin goodbye before walking to the counter with Hobi for your to-go order. Jungkook exits the kitchen with your mom’s order, scurrying to serve it to her then going back to you.

Dea hands you your coffee then Jungkook hands you a small box with some bite-size hazelnut-filled pastry. 

“Thanks for dropping by my office this morning, ___,” he says, putting on his customer service smile. 

“Well, I come for the desserts. And the coffee. They’re amazing,” you say. 

“That all?” He cocks an eyebrow.

“And the staff. Dea over there is a chick,” you say, earning you a wink from her, as you’ve both come to enjoy teasing Jungkook.

He stands there looking absolutely charming with a pout and though you’d give in easily, you’re still gonna keep him sweating. You wave a barely amused Jungkook goodbye and head out. 

[From: ___ 😍😍😍] Always love seeing you in the morning, Jungkook. I’ll call you when we get home, ok? Have fun at work! 😚

**

Jungkook secures Heejin in the car seat of his sedan, leaning by the open door as he watches her play with her deer stuffed toy, her new favorite after that trip to Nami Island you all had the other week.

She squeals as she raises her arms, and he knows she’s a little antsy. She expended so much of her energy running around at daycare, he was told, and she’s still got some left.

“We’ll get home and play all afternoon if you want, alright sunshine? But I made something for Mama over here so let’s ask her first if we can visit.”

It’s been months since the practice of Jungkook having at least one day a week of looking after Heejin. With the babysitter only able to come twice a week, usually anyone from your family or best friends offers but when the schedule is tight, daycare is your last resort. 

Heejin gets moody and demands attention most days, you said, so you prefer to have her there as little or as short a time as possible, and Jungkook always offers his afternoons. He was met with curious eyes the first time you endorsed him as one from a long list of guardians who can pick Heejin up but by now, all the workers know him already, mostly as the guy who spins the little girl around when she runs to him.

It’s a Thursday and Jungkook took the opening shift so he could pick up Heejin in the early afternoon. You’ll be meeting with witnesses in one of the cases you’re handling today, you’d said, and that might take a while. He knows it’s scheduled in two hours, and with how your stress level shot up yesterday after some challenges in the case, he wanted to get you something to hopefully cheer you up.

You’ve been craving cherry desserts recently so he made you some cherry and dark chocolate mini tarts this morning, which he decided to be the featured dessert at the cafe today. It was a hit and was wiped out by lunchtime so he knows you’re going to like it. Initially wanting to surprise you, he decided otherwise, since you might feel uncomfortable with him carrying Heejin and showing up at your office uninvited.

He’d texted to ask if he could call and he’s surprised to see you calling him instead.

“Hey, that was quick. You okay?” He asks, as he settles in the driver seat.

“Yeah,” you huff in what sounds like exhaustion. “Just having lunch while Park and I go over some things. Have you picked Heejin up?”

“Just now,” he responds. “And you’re just having lunch? It’s almost 3PM. Did you have at least something since you dropped by the cafe this morning?”

“Three more cups of coffee, actually. But I’m fine. It’s hard to think about food with all the stuff going on. So are you both okay? Did you need anything?”

“We’re fine. Just thought you’d have a bit of a mid-afternoon break so Jinnie and I can pass by,” he says, suddenly thinking it might not be a good idea. You’re busy, after all, and him passing by might not even help. 

“I made you something to nibble on but maybe we can just wait for you at home?”

“Oh, please pass by,” you almost plead, their presence the only breath of air you’ll have for the day. “I have some time before we leave and I’d love for you to come.”

“Okay, we’ll be there in a few,” Jungkook smiles, somehow excited at the thought that he gets to visit you at your office for something good, unlike the last time, then hangs up after you give him instructions. 

“So, he decided to tell you, after all,” Jimin chuckles from in front of you. “He was gonna surprise you with Heejin and asked me if it was okay but he got worried you might not be too happy about it.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You ask. 

“Maybe because you aren’t officially a couple and he might be imposing if he comes here with your daughter?”

“Is that what he thinks I’d think?” You wonder.

“Uh, yeah? It’s kinda weird. I almost think you’re rubbing off on him with how he’s thinking too much,” Jimin shrugs. “But you guys are… a couple, right?”

“I guess. But we haven’t really talked about it. Do we need a label for these things?” You furrow your brows.

“It’s not a label, ___. It’s just describing how you two are. I’d call you a family but I don’t know if you’re ready for that. I mean, are you?”

“Well,” you start, trying to make sense of all the thoughts in your head. “That’s kind of a loaded question, don’t you think?”

“It is, and an important one, too. Where else do you think this whole thing would lead? You didn’t go through what you did in three years just for you to be unsure of your endgame,” Jimin states. 

“It’s more like, I’m not sure if he’s ready for that,” you mumble. “Watching over Heejin and playing house is one thing. Actually being a father to her and my partner in this life is another. I mean, of course I’ve thought about it but he hasn’t really raised it. I’ve been taking things so incredibly slow but now I don’t know if he’s just matching my pace or if he hasn’t thought about our future, like not just what happens in the next 5 years but the next 10, and 20, and more.”

“You know, I’ve known Jungkook for a good few years. And if there’s anything new I’ve learned about him just in the last three since meeting you, it’s that he would do anything for you to be happy,” Jimin says. “Whether your happiness is with him or not is entirely up to you, but I swear it, ___, he’d give you and Heejin the world if you let him, and that means sharing his life with both of you for the next 5 years, 10, 20, and more.”

It’s easy to imagine that kind of life with Jungkook. The way life works is kind of amusing, you think, as over two years ago, you couldn’t picture him as part of yours then, but now, you can’t picture it without him in it. 

Much as you want to hold onto that thought longer, your phone ringing ruins it, especially once you learn what’s got one of your associates panicking. 

Outside of your room, Jungkook stands by the door with Heejin in his arms, who’s babbling as she hammers her bunny stuffed toy on his eyebrow piercing, something that she likes to do. It’s better than her trying to pull it off like those few times, so he just takes it.

“Hey, Heejin,” a familiar voice says.

Jungkook turns around. “Who’s that, sunshine?”

“Min!” She squeals, catching the attention of all the other employees in that side of the office.

“Hey, kiddo. Nice to see you here again,” Yoongi says, then faces Jungkook. “And you, too. Are you still going to surprise her?”

“Nah, I gave in and told her,” he chuckles. “Didn’t know what she’d think if the local cafe worker just dropped by her office with some desserts and her child.”

“More like, if the guy she’s super into just dropped by with sweets that will definitely make her happy and her daughter whom she trusts to spend the rest of the day with you?” Yoongi corrects. 

Jungkook shyly smiles, not missing the way his heart swells at your friend’s words.

“She’s been having a tough day. I’m sure seeing you and Heejin will make it better, even if just for a while.”

Jungkook nods, and before he can say anything else, he hears Jin call his name.

“Oh, good, you’re both here,” he pats Jungkook’s arm and greets Heejin. “She has a meeting with the witnesses later and she needs to be at her best. She’s been jittery and it’s unlike her. I know how you and this little one calm her down.”

Jungkook decides to bask in the thought of your colleagues knowing how he affects you later on, but right now, what matters is getting to you. He knocks on the door and it’s his friend who meets him.

“Hey, Kook,” Jimin smiles. “And hey little angel,” he caresses Heejin’s cheeks. “___ is just in a call but you can go inside.”

Entering the room, Jungkook takes in the simplicity and organization of it. You’re seated on your chair, phone on your ear while massaging your temples, clearly in a state of mild distress as you nibble your lips and take multiple long breaths. 

He looks around and smiles at the sight of the top of your shelf, with picture frames of you and Heejin, your family, your best friends. All your accolades and certificates are lined up on the second row, representative of what matters to you - even with how hard you work, your loved ones will always come first, but that doesn’t take away your commitment and passion for your job.

Jungkook stands by your table, carrying Heejin in a forward-facing manner now, just waiting for you to finish. He watches you state your case - some approach in speaking with the witnesses and instructing whoever’s on the other line on what to do, and it’s moments like this when he gets to admire you. It’s not you questioning a witness like those times he watched your trials on TV, but it’s the behind-the-scenes work that you’re doing, all the while ensuring that the people are safe.

“Make sure they’re okay, you hear me? We need them for this case but we need them safe and alive more than anything,” you say before hanging up. 

You look up at him with tired eyes and a soft smile, as if the world is slowly crashing around you but there’s Jungkook and Heejin who are the only stable things remaining. You get off your seat and walk towards them, wrapping your one arm around him and the other on your daughter, sighing in relief at their presence and warmth. 

“Hey, you,’ he whispers near your ear, the gruff tone sending another type of heat in your body. “You’ve got this, okay? And we’ve got you.”

You nod in response, briefly kissing his cheek then burying yourself in his embrace once more. You stand there with them for a few minutes, giving yourself this time to take the only breather you’ll have for the day. 

You release yourself from their hold; any more time and you wouldn’t want to let them go. 

“You said you got me something?” 

“Cherry tarts,” Jungkook says, as he hands you Heejin whom you hug tightly and who yells your name. 

“Oh, god. I’ve been craving cherry things,” you state, marveling at the pretty desserts in front of you. 

“I know, that’s why they’re the feature at the cafe today. They ran out quickly.”

“And I get to have these?” You pout. “Jungkook, I know Hobi’s my friend, too, but this is still a business. You can’t keep giving me these things that you sell at the cafe all the time.”

“It was the first batch, and Hobi doesn’t really mind. He knows how many of our items are inspired by you and it’s little payment for how much my mind gets going because of it,” Jungkook winks. 

“Fine,” you hum, taking a piece and feeling like crying at how good it is. “Seriously, you both and sweets are all I need. This is so good.” 

He chuckles as he hands you tissue and your glass of water. He cups your cheek as you look back at him, just letting his presence ground you like all the times it has. He kisses your forehead and your eyes close reflexively, as if you’re melting at the feel of him doing something so simple yet intimate like this. 

“Thank you,” you mumble, feeling like you’ve lost your voice at how overwhelmed and grateful you are. “I needed this. Thank you for coming. And, uh, you can come whenever you want to.”

“Okay, good,” he whispers as he kisses your forehead again, this time lingering. “But we don’t want to keep you since you’ve got some badass, queen things to do. So do well today, okay? We’ll be home, waiting.”

You don’t expect those last four words to affect you the way they do, and they’re truly the most comforting thing you’d heard from him. It just sounds certain, so final, and it’s exactly what you need to get through the day.

“I’ll see you at home,” you smile, kissing his cheek this time. “I’ll see you both at home tonight.”

**

The rain is hitting hard against your windshield, and the only consolation is that it poured right when you and your team finished having dinner at a restaurant a few streets down the nearest parking space. It had been a long evening, indeed, primarily because after the big blow to your case, you all had to debrief and then restrategize while the earlier conversations are still fresh in your minds. You called Jungkook then, saying you’ll be late and he said he’d already given Heejin a bath, something he’d recently learned how to do on his own. 

Hitting a stop sign, your phone rings with Jin on the other end.

“You holding up okay?” He asks worriedly, something he tends to do when he knows you’ve got a case that hits close to home. 

“Somewhat. The team’s more level-headed about it than I am.”

“You trained good lawyers, then,” he responds in an effort to encourage you. 

“Yeah, I guess,” you mumble. 

“Let them do the groundwork and give yourself some time. You’re gonna figure it out. Also, I know it’s already been a tough day but don’t forget the conference that my father asked us to attend tomorrow morning,” he says, earning him a groan at the reminder. “Just take the afternoon off and get proper rest this weekend. That’s an order. I shouldn’t be receiving emails or messages from you once you leave the hotel tomorrow.”

“Got it, boss,” you tease, knowing he hates being called as such, then hang up.

You drag yourself to your apartment, your legs shaking from how much you’ve been pacing and walking all day, but knowing that on the other side of the door are the people you need to see and be with the most is what keeps you going.

The living space is dim, with but the accent lights turned on. Jungkook said he’d read Heejin a story and get her to sleep hours ago, and you wonder where he opted to stay. You push the half-open door of Heejin’s bedroom and your heart melts at the sight before you. 

Seated on the single sofa next to the toddler bed is Jungkook, his feet up on the ottoman, with Heejin sleeping soundly on his chest and her favorite blanket over her back. He’s securing her with his firm hold on her thighs while making sure she’s still got room to breathe, and you can’t help but smile at her squished cheek against him, her mouth slightly parted as always, her breathing soft and steady.

Jungkook’s head is lolled back, his mouth slightly parted, too, with his breathing a little harder, and you can’t imagine how tired he’s been. He was up early for the first shift and spent all afternoon watching over Heejin, playing with her, feeding her, giving her a bath, and putting her to sleep. 

He looks peaceful, though, so at-home and natural, like he’s been doing this for years; like he can keep doing this for more. 

You kneel next to him, marveling at his beauty with the light from the lamp illuminating his features. He’s incredibly handsome, something you don’t think you’ve ever told him. There’s a softness in his face that contrasts the toughness of the rest of him, and with him, holding your daughter like this, there’s tenderness that captivates you. 

Heejin is comfortable and that says a lot with how well he’d taken care of her today. And you know she wasn’t anxious being away from you. You know she had fun and felt safe, and that’s all that matters. 

“Hey, you,” you whisper, not wanting to rush Jungkook in waking up. “I’m home now.”

It takes a while and you caress his cheek as you wait for him, enjoying the smoothness of his face and the way you want to smooch every inch of it if possible. 

His eyes flutter open and a satisfied sigh leaves his lips once it’s registered that it’s you.

“Hey,” he hums. “What time is it?”

“11PM,” you say. “I’m a few hours late. It rained so hard, too; it was tough to drive for a while.”

“You okay, though? You ate well?”

“I did.”

“Okay, good,” he replies, shifting to sit up straight without disturbing Heejin then motioning for you to sit on the armrest. “This little one couldn’t sleep without you. I had to massage her, rock her, read to her, sing to her… all the works.”

“It’s because I was out the whole day,” you giggle, softly caressing her cheeks. “But I’m sure she enjoyed being with you today. Thank you for taking care of her.”

“Of course, ___. I loved today with her. She’s doing so well at recognizing more animals. And she’s saying the alphabet with fewer pauses now. And she was singing the tomato nursery rhyme.”

“Less yelling and actual singing?”

“Less yelling and actual singing,” he chuckles, knowing of Heejin’s tendency to yell everything she wants to say. “I took videos. I’ll send everything to you later.”

You smile and nod, taking his free hand in yours in thanks for how good he is to her, and all the while making sure that you’re not missing out on anything at all. 

“We should lay her down. I’m sure you’re tired, too,” you say, standing up and taking Heejin to cradle in your arms.

You lovingly kiss her then gently put her in her bed, letting the mobile play because she likes to have the music on. 

“Goodnight, Jinnie,” Jungkook whispers after you do, smiling softly as he watches her turn to hug the deer stuffed toy next to her.

You take his hand and guide him to the living room, motioning for him to sit on the couch where you snuggle next to him, humming in satisfaction as you wrap your arm around his torso and his wraps around your shoulder. 

He’s gotten used to this, holding you at whatever time of the day while you fall into him, sighing in relief or exhaustion. He likes the gradual escalation, too, as your grips have come to signify something more than warmth. Security, he thinks, and perhaps desire as well.

But it’s comfort for you, first and foremost. You didn’t realize what coming home to this would do for your mind and your heart.

“Two of our witnesses in the sexual harassment case backed out today,” you say after a prolonged silence, which was spent finding the right spot for your head on his chest and taking in his Heejin-tinged scent.

“They’re crucial to the case but they got scared and I can’t blame them,” you continue. “It’s hard out there. Hard for them, whether they speak up or not. They lose either way and I can’t do anything about it.”

Jungkook processes your words. He’ll never fully understand what it’s like as a woman, but still, it only takes human decency to know that what those women went through is terrible, something no one should be experiencing in the first place. 

“It's the culture you’re fighting against, ___,” he says. “But you’re fighting it. Whether they speak up or not, they know you’re fighting for them. That’s a change in itself, regardless if it’s in the system or their lives, it’s still something.”

“Wise words, Mr. Jeon,” you smile. “Just what I needed to hear.”

“They’re your words, Atty. Kim,” he smiles back. 

You look at him questioningly.

“I listen to you talk, you know?” He chuckles. “Everything you need to keep going is right there in that brilliant mind of yours, and in your heart. You just need someone to remind you every once in a while, I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess,” you huff, curling your legs on top of his lap.

Enveloped in silence, he places his hand on your leg, caressing it and eliciting a soft moan from you.

“I like this,” you hum, lifting your face to softly kiss his cheek.

“What, a leg massage?”

“Yes, that,” you chuckle. “But also, this. Having you hold me this way, listening to me, telling me things I need to hear. I know I’m a lot to handle most days but this, this is nice. To just have you next to me is so grounding, you know? Like it’s all that I need.”

“It is, huh?” He turns to look at you, his star-filled eyes that you always drown in meeting yours. 

You nod in response and he strokes your cheek before kissing your forehead, then your nose. You feel all the words he doesn’t say in the lips that tingle your skin, and you know where else you want those on. 

Yours.

So you move forward, capturing his lips in a kiss that feels too much and too little at the same time. You hold him there, familiarizing yourself with the sensation, with the emotion, with the tingle of his warm breath against your skin. 

He parts his mouth and then it’s his taste you’re quickly getting addicted to, his tongue you’re entangling yours with in a sensual battle, his silver hoop that’s cold and comforting, his moan that’s bewitching. He inhales you like you’re oxygen, and you hold onto him like you’ll run out of it.

He responds by tightening his grip on your back, his other hand that was glued to your leg, now inching up to trace patterns on your knee, then your outer thigh, keeping it there to hold you both steady, as he feels the burning desire for you slowly take over.

It’s slow and amorous, with a tinge of desperation as you both try to get closer than you are, but it’s still tender and euphoric. He’s like a drug you can get high on, and any amount won’t seem to ever be enough. 

He does the hard task of pulling away, breathing against you as his forehead meets yours, his eyes closed as he tries to wrap his mind around how good you taste, and smell, and feel like. 

“You like that, too?” He smiles.

“Yes, very much,” you whisper back, placing your hands that have found purchase on his neck on his cheeks this time. “It’s been a while.”

“No shit,” he says, eliciting a laugh from you. “Sorry, I had to.”

“I guess I deserve that,” you smile. “But god does it feel so much better this time around.”

“Wasn’t good enough the last time?” He teases. 

“I wasn’t ready the last time,” you correct. 

It was good, definitely. You think about that kiss a lot.

“My bad. I’m sorry,” he says.

“Not in that way. You know what I mean.”

He nods, smiling as he looks at you constantly eyeing his lips. 

He’d want more if this continues, so much more. Much as he’d been dreaming of this, he was caught off-guard, and he’s unsure if you’re ready for what more would mean for him. Though he’s the more generous - and dare he say, desperate - one when it comes to physical affection, he wants everything with you. He wants it to be perfect, with no holding back, no doubts or questions, no fears or apprehensions. Just you and him and all the emotions kept in that can’t wait to finally be completely felt, returned.

“You had a long day,” he mumbles, kissing you deeply again. “And you have another long one tomorrow.”

“I’ve got that conference in the morning with Jin,” you confirm. “But he gave me the afternoon off. I think Heejin would love to spend her Friday with me, don’t you think?”

“Yes, she does. She kept calling for you every time you showed up in the videos,” he chuckles, pulling you closer by your legs and wrapping his arms around you. 

“Hmm. We’re gonna have an afternoon of tickle fights and boyband music. It’s my stress relief.”

“Bet if she could talk back, she’d tell you to choose better music.”

“Don’t be a hater,” you playfully smack his arm. “Plus, she loves it! She jumps up and down when I play the songs, just like how prepubescent me was doing it.”

“She takes after you so much, it’s amazing.”

“Who else would she take anything from?” You chuckle. “There’s just me.”

And me, hopefully. One day, Jungkook thinks, but he keeps the thought to himself for now, not wanting to scare you with the life he’d planned - and hopes to have - with you. 

“Do you feel better?” He asks after a beat of silence.

“I do, thank you,” you face him, letting that sense of calm you get from this intimacy with him overtake you. 

He holds your gaze for a while before he fights off a yawn. 

“You had a long day, Jungkook,” you say, the exhaustion from earlier coming back. “And you have another one tomorrow. And Saturday, right?”

“Dea and I will start with the prep work tomorrow,” he says. 

A celebrity who’s also a regular at the cafe booked them to set up a dessert table for a baby shower on Saturday morning. He’ll be working all Friday for it and he’s anxious and excited at the same time.

“What time does it end?”

“Around 2. But we won’t stay. Only Hobi will,” Jungkook responds. “Dea and I will set up and the boss will do the socializing and promoting.”

“Hmm. Does that mean you’re free in the evening?” 

“By the afternoon, actually. What do you have in mind?”

“A date. Just you and me. There’s this place I want to try,” you tell him, taking his hand in yours. “I feel like this is the longest we got to even talk this whole week and I’m thinking maybe you want to spend Saturday night with me.”

“It’s like I didn’t pine for you for three years, ___,” he laughs. “Of course. Let me know the plans after my event, yeah? I’ll be too excited and I might not be able to focus.”

“Okay,” you smile, knowing you have to let him go now. 

You stand up and lead him towards the door, the thought of saying goodbye after sharing that heartstopping kiss with him makes you feel all kinds of loss. 

“Just let me know when you get home even if I’ll be asleep by then.”

“I will,” he says, turning to face you after he opens your door. He kisses you again, one, two, three times.

You look at him with a mix of amusement and confusion.

“For every year that I yearned for that,” he says simply, certainly. 

You want to go for another round, maybe do more this time. You definitely want that. But it’s been a long day and the only thing you want more than him is a warm bath followed by your soft sheets.

You merely nod in response, not trusting yourself with words this time. “Good night, Jungkook.”

“Good night, ___. I’ll see you soon.”

**

“Alright, bubba. Be honest. How does Mama look?”

Heejin is propped up in the middle of your bed, playing with her toy bus, which she deems as infinitely more interesting than you.

“Bubba, look at me, please?” You pout, as if your almost-three year old can fully comprehend what you’re asking of her.

She throws her toy on the floor and you pick it up, hiding it behind your back and asking her again.

“Does Mama look pretty, bubba? Do you think Kookoo will think so?”

“Mama! Bus please,” she whines, hands reaching out for you. 

“Does Mama look nice? Yes or no?”

“No,” she shakes her head, and this goes in the list of times you wish it wasn’t her favorite word. 

“Okay, thanks for the encouragement, bubba. Let’s just wait until Kookoo gets here and then we’ll see. Thank you, I still love you,” you say, planting a kiss on her forehead and returning her toy.

“Kookoo! I want Kookoo!”

“I know, bub. But he’s mine tonight, okay? I promise, you’ll be with him tomorrow,” you smile.

It’s another second that you let yourself question if you’re being selfish with this - asking your mom to care for Heejin overnight so you can spend the evening and hopefully until the next day with Jungkook. Ever since that kiss you shared two days ago, it’s all you could think about. 

You won’t lie and say that a part of you expected he’d take it further, perhaps a longer makeout session where he’d lay you down and kiss you all over, maybe have his hands explore your body and ask to stay the night. 

But he didn’t, and much as you'd hoped for that - even if you were the one taking your sweet time in the first place - you slept that evening with a tight knot in your belly, and you’ve just been waiting for it to uncoil. 

You barely spoke to him yesterday and he’s been busy all morning. He took a nap once he got home so he could be fully present for you tonight, he’d said, and the thought itself is making you giddy, excited.

There’s no more hiding or tempering what you feel. And you wanna be able to tell him that, show him that. And you hope he’ll still take what you can give.

You look at yourself one last time in the mirror and manage a smile. You don’t even recall the last time you wore this dress but you’ll definitely remember tonight. 

The doorbell ringing startles you and it’s probably because of how anxious you are. 

You and Jungkook have gone on dates but tonight is different - it’s a lot fancier and well, your mom convinced you to let her take Heejin for the night after you spent the whole afternoon talking about Jungkook and she had to remind you that it’s okay to want this for yourself. That includes spending a night with him. Doing so doesn’t make you any less of a mother. Part of parenthood is choosing things for yourself once in a while. You need to teach your daughter how to choose herself, too, your mom reminded you. 

You place Heejin on her mini couch and you walk towards the door, your breath catching in your throat at the sight before you. 

You’ve seen Jungkook in a variety of outfits of all colors - mostly monotone with pops of color every now and then. He’d sported less casual wardrobes the few times you went on dates and they always left you speechless with how sophisticated they looked, and tonight is no exception. 

He has on a black silk polo with a few buttons undone underneath a burgundy velvet jacket and black slacks, which are deliciously tight enough for you to appreciate his toned thighs. His hair is slicked back with a few strands of it dangling at the side like how those Hollywood leading men would do it. It’s a mix of youthful and mature, but sexy nonetheless, especially with his pierced brow and lips; he definitely upped his game tonight.

He revels in the way your mouth opens and closes, your eyes raking all over him, something he’d caught you sneakily do a few times recently, but it’s the first time you’re openly ogling at him and he’s got to admit, it’s the confidence boost he badly needs.

“Find your voice yet?” He teases, cocked brow and all.

“Now I have,” you get back to your senses. “Just not used to you dressing up all grown up and stuff.”

“Then how have I been dressing up the other times?” He chuckles, finally entering your apartment. 

“Well, the oversized everything screamed too casual and like, uh…”

“Boyfriend?” He smirks. “I mean, that’s what I’ve heard you say a few times to Hobi when you’re at the cafe.”

“Eavesdropping on your customers? That’s not nice.”

“Hey, I just happen to hear you two when I serve people since, you know, I work there? But that’s besides the point,” he says, voice dropping a few octaves. “Is that what I am? A… boyfriend?”

“Is that what you want to be?” You say, matching his tone.

He walks closer to you, his arm snaking around your waist as he pulls you closer. 

“Yeah,” says, his gruff voice in a whisper sending chills down your spine. “That would be fucking amazing, actually.”

“Okay,” you say, meeting his eyes. “Do the boyfriend thing and kiss me, then.”

He glances at Heejin who’s engrossed in watching Pororo run about, and he turns back to you, his smug face the last thing you see before your eyes fall closed at the feel of his lips on yours. 

You didn’t realize how much you’d miss it with just a day being without it, and now all you want is to drown in his kiss that’s gentle and desperate at the same time. His motions are smooth, but the rest of his body is tense; you feel the eagerness and the hesitation. So do you.

Your heads barely move and your mouths part only minimally, but you can taste his strawberry chapstick and the mint he’d just had. His tongue lightly brushes past your lower lip, like a tease of what he wants, of what more he can give, and sometimes you wonder why you ran away from this all those years ago. 

But when you think of how easily you almost fell into this, you’re reminded of why you had to turn your back on him then. If at the end of all of that, you get to have this, then maybe it’s all been worth it.

Jungkook pulls away again this time, smiling giddily at your post-kiss face, and then pecking your lips. “I may have ruined your lipstick a bit.”

You wipe the taint of it on his lips and giggle. “And I’m glad you did.”

You motion towards Heejin, who you say has been looking for him, and you watch him as he kneels in front of her for a hug, asking what she’s watching, and then listening to her talk about the show that’s on. 

“You ready to go to Mom’s, bubba?” You ask, joining them. “She’s taking you to a light show tonight. You’ll be good, alright?” 

“Yes, Mama!” she squeals, hugging you back as you nuzzle her nose. 

“So come, Kookoo and I will take you to her.”

Jungkook carries her as you all make it to his car, the drive to your mom’s apartment, a surprisingly short one on a Saturday evening. Your mom’s ecstatic and smug face reveals too much, even more so as she keeps reminding you and Jungkook to “have fun” and “make the most of your time together.”

“We will, but please call when you’re putting her to bed,” you say. 

“I will. Now you lovebirds, leave our apartment now.”

You and Jungkook eventually do, but not without multiple goodbye hugs and kisses on Heejin. She indulges you only briefly because the newly-assembled dollhouse catches her attention and then it’s like you don’t exist anymore.

Jungkook takes your hand as you both walk to the car, something he does while he drives as well, and throughout dinner. 

You chose a fancy Japanese restaurant as per Jin’s suggestion and you’ve always sworn by his recommendations. Their array of interesting dishes got you and Jungkook feeding each other, then listing the other places you both want to try. It’s a few hours of him making you laugh, gushing over Heejin as you both watch the videos from the other night, him randomly taking your hand to kiss, and looking into your eyes while you speak. 

He goes from the charming Jungkook with the shy, boyish smile and nose scrunch to the confident, lip-licking man with a hypnotizing gaze in seconds - he’s been giving you a whiplash all night. 

You, on the other hand, have been letting yourself drown in all that he’s giving and doing to you. No more walls up or any other apprehensions unlike before. This time - as you’ve been the past several months - you feel safe enough to be yourself, desires and flaws included. 

You both head back to the car for a quick drive to your final destination for tonight. It’s right when you enter that you get a photo of a sleeping Heejin on her belly, cheek to the side with her butt propped up. 

“What was she doing?” You laugh right as you call your mom.

“She didn’t want to sleep yet so we were watching TV,” your mother shares. “The channel stopped at a musical and she wanted to keep it there. She was bobbing her head and clapping and found her position, fighting off her yawns until she gave up. It was so adorable, honey.”

“Okay then, guess it’s musicals for us for the next few weeks. But thanks, Mom. I’m sure she enjoyed her time with you guys.”

“Oh, she did. She wouldn’t play with the dollhouse unless Jung-jae was next to her. She’s really comfortable with him already.”

“That’s great to hear. He’s a constant now, too,” you respond. “But she’s good? Sleeping soundly in bed and all?”

“Yes, honey. Looks like she’ll have a good, long sleep. Jung-jae and I will bring her to you first thing in the morning so she won’t throw a tantrum when she wakes up without you,” your mom offers. “Would 8 be fine? Just let me know if you want us to drop by later, though. Don’t want to ruin any morning shenanigans or something.”

It’s her teasing and sultry tone that makes you gasp, and you hear Jung-jae laughing next to her, telling her to leave you and Jungkook be.

“Alright, I will. You lovebirds enjoy tonight, okay? I mean it.”

She giggles this time, and she hangs up before you even say goodbye.

Jungkook doesn’t say much, having only faintly heard the conversation. He stops the car and wraps his arm around you as you both walk two streets down to an alley. 

It’s one of those hidden cocktail bars in the city, with an unassuming facade hiding an elaborate interior. Taehyung suggested this place when you asked your family for bar options, as he’d done gigs here before for jazz nights. The high ceilings and dim lights, the soft music, and the couches made for two make it a nice place for enjoying each other’s company. 

Jungkook sets his one hand on your waist while the other draws circles on your exposed knee that’s brushing against his, only removing it when he takes a sip from his drink.

“Jinnie doing okay at Auntie’s?” He asks. 

“She is,” you smile, sharing what your mom had said about their day, to Jungkook’s delight. “But I miss her already.”

“I do, too,” he sighs. “But I like this,” he adds, meeting your eyes.

“I like you,” you respond, catching him off guard, his eyes instantly widening at your declaration.

“That’s, uh, that’s nice to finally hear,” he beams before hiding his face in your neck as he tries to get himself together.

You laugh at his response, caressing the back of his head and pecking the side of it.

“Yah! What’s with the reaction? It’s not like it isn’t obvious. We’ve been going on dates,” you say, pushing him up to face you. “And I’ve been kissing you.”

“But it’s different to hear you say it, after all this time.”

“I guess I just got caught up in what we finally are that I didn’t bother to verbalize it,” you narrate, something that’s unlike how you normally are because you tend to lay out in words the things you’re experiencing and thinking to be able to make sense of them. “And I realize now that I don’t think I’ve changed much from the last time. Maybe I haven’t been fair to you.”

“What are you talking about?” He looks at you curiously.

“Back then, my siblings used to give me shit for treating you like that puppy I found adorable and would pet and stuff but wouldn’t actually want to keep,” you admit, recalling how they always found a way to remind you of the analogy they came up with. 

“You just always stood by next to me whatever I was doing and years passed and it was kind of like that again, right? You’ve just been waiting for me to be ready all these months and it took so long before I could even say it, before I even considered giving you anything. And I’m sorry I haven’t been giving you much.”

“Hey. You’ve been giving me a lot,” he comforts, lifting your chin to face him. “I knew what I was getting myself into the first time, and even now. And not once did I feel impatient or that it was all for nothing. You’ve given me your time, Heejin’s time, your trust, your heart… and I’ve been happy, ___. Really happy.”

There’s contentment in his eyes when he says the words, but even then, there’s a tinge of hope, and something else that he holds back. And for all the times that he’d been the transparent one, with you having control of your emotions, it seems that the roles have been reversed, as you feel like baring everything to him while he maintains as much composure as he possibly can.

“I am, too, Jungkook,” you say softly, inching closer to him, taking in his sandalwood scent he’s chosen over his usual sporty one.

You’re internally grateful for the bit of privacy you’re being afforded, although looking around, you don’t seem to be the only couple that finds themselves in an intimate moment. 

“You make me feel things I’ve felt before… but in extremes. Like, there’s this longing when you’re away, and this unabashed joy when I’m with you. I’ve sort of conditioned myself not to feel too much so it’s kind of overwhelming sometimes, but in a good way. Like it’s all these amazing things all at once and I don’t know what to do with them, but at the same time, I can’t be without them, without you.”

Jungkook merely gazes at you as a satisfied smile forms on his face.

“Not used to you being speechless,” you chuckle.

“I’m not yet immune to you, you know? You still surprise me.”

“And what if I don’t anymore, would you still want me then?”

“Always,” he says instantly, certainly. 

The lights are dim and the nearest customers have just left, and the desire that’s been gradually growing since he showed up looking like pure sin in your doorway overtakes you. You lean forward and kiss him deeply, your tongue sliding inside his mouth to let him know what you want from him. It’s like time freezing as the tension melts away; like sucking the air out of him, and when you part, he breathes heavily like it’s exactly what you did.

“My apartment, please?” You pant, your forehead leaned against his, eyes closed just like his.

“Okay,” he huffs, stealing a soft kiss before paying the bill and then heading out.

Jungkook has to choose between walking quickly to get to your destination faster or strolling so he could savor this moment with you - walking underneath dim street lights, your satin midnight blue dress flowing up to your shins. 

He chooses the latter, as you seem to want to savor this, too, much as you seemed to yearn him so much just minutes ago. 

It’s his turn to steal a kiss when you both enter the car, and the ride home is filled with tension that you know how to resolve but need to wait more time to actually address. 

You arrive at your apartment without making any public scene, letting the tension follow you there.

“Kind of unusual coming here without Heejin squealing or laughing or yelling at us,” he chuckles, pulling you from the back for a hug, his head nestling at the crook of your neck - another new intimate act that you already want more of.

“I know,” you say, shivering at the kiss he makes near your ear. “But Mom insisted on having her for the night and bribed her with whatever. They’ll come tomorrow morning. And I agreed because, well, I really wanted to be alone with you tonight,” you add, turning around, your hungry eyes raking all over him.

“You did, huh?” His gaze locks on yours, all the desire he feels reflecting in it.

He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about your lips on his since the other night, and he can’t help it when his mind starts to conjure all the other things he wants to do. He has to control his thoughts so he doesn’t expect too much - of what else you want to do physically, and what that would mean for your relationship. 

He realized that when it comes to you, he regards things much more deeply, meaningfully, and so every act and word holds so much - his fears, his desires, and hope with and for you. 

“Yeah, I—” You whimper at his sudden grip on your waist, glancing at his parted mouth, mirroring the way your tongue licks your lips, aching to feel him there. 

You can feel the heat radiate off his body with how close he’s gotten, as you feel the rush of desire overtake your own. Your heart beats rapidly, anticipating what’s to come next, and for the seconds that feel like more, he rests his forehead against yours, your noses grazing while you breathe each other in.

He gives in first, cupping your cheeks as he angles your mouth to fit his. His tongue slips in, exploring you in this way, and you fall right into it with him, gripping the collars of his polo as you meet his fervent action. It’s messy and raw and unsteadying, and you feel like you’re in a haze of some sort as you try to take all that he gives all at once.

His hands move to your waist as he continues to kiss you, parting only very briefly. He nips and licks and sucks your lips, your joint moans gradually getting louder. He slowly pushes you backward until you hit the armrest of the couch, and you lean on it as you feel like you’re losing balance with how much of yourself you’re giving with this kiss.

“Fuck, I can do this all night,” he groans, his mouth descending to peck on your jaw and your neck.

“Just this?” You moan teasingly.

“What else did you have in mind?” He turns to you, his lustful eyes turning curious.

“Everything,” you heave, taking his hand and guiding it to your breast. “I don’t want us to hold back.”

He strokes it only gently, and much as you know that at some point, it would lead to this, you’re slightly worried why he doesn’t seem as into the idea of doing it right now as you expected. You’re about to ask what’s wrong when he speaks.

“I won’t want to turn back after this,” he says pointedly, eyes locked on yours to make sure you know he means every word. “I’m gonna want more. I’m gonna give you and Heejin the whole world, you have to know that, but I’m gonna need you to want this with me.”

You hear the mix of certainty and desperation in his voice but unlike all the times he’d spoken in this way, you know that you want it, too. Whatever it is, you want it.

“Okay,” you pant. “I want more, and I can give you more. 

“Okay,” he gasps, pecking your forehead, then your nose, then your lips where he lingers. “Good. That’s good.”

You both kiss again like you’d done earlier, but with more need this time. It’s heated, even messier, more intentional, and louder, too. 

You push the jacket off his shoulders and he pulls you much closer, his hands sliding down to your ass, which he squeezes intensely. Pulling up your dress, he does it again, lightly slapping the cheeks as he gets into the moment.

You moan into his mouth, bucking your hips against his to let him know how it affected you.

“Fuck, you like that?” He rasps, nipping at your neck now.

“Yes,” you answer, moaning even louder when he does it again, a little harder this time. 

You’re lost in his scent, in his heat, in the way his mouth explores whatever he can at this position, and the dampness in your underwear only says what more you want from him.

Guiding him towards the couch, you lightly nudge him to sit, gazing at him hungrily before settling on his lap, kissing him again like you’re memorizing every inch of his mouth and his lips that you can’t get enough of. 

While his hands knead your ass and simultaneously push you to grind against his aching cock, yours hurriedly unbutton his polo, wanting a taste of what you’d seen that afternoon at the pool. You’d thought of how he looked underneath all the clothes he wears and you finally get to do more than just imagine all of that.

After undoing the last button, you palm his chest, toned and smooth as you’d expected, his pert nipples exciting you as you flick them to his delight. Your lips detach from his, then you briefly gaze at his bare body, and move towards his chest, your open-mouthed kisses all over it intensifying his desire, and he’s the one who’s now unzipping your dress from behind. 

Pushing you to sit back up, Jungkook meets your glazed eyes, and he slowly pulls down the straps off your shoulders, followed by your bra to reveal half of your breasts, your own pert buds teasing him.

He pants as your fingers trace the dips of his abs, and unable to just sit and marvel at you any longer, he attacks your breasts, taking one in his mouth, ravishing it as he fondles the other. 

The pleasure is immediate, as the way he swirls and strokes your erogenous region makes you feel suspended, especially as he does so in a carnal yet passionate way. You grind against him, feeling his stiff length poking your stomach. Your hands grip on his taut back, feeling its tense muscles as he exerts all his effort on making you feel good, which he knows he’s doing so well at, given your expletives and moans that keep getting louder.

“You sound so good,” he groans in your ear, another sensitive part of you, something he’s figured out, as he nibbles and licks its shell, and he instantly feels the hairs of your arm raise at the action.

You hum, pushing him to lean back again so your eyes could rake all over his body, liking the way the dim light illuminates the beads of sweat on his chest, and with him panting like this and seeing the hunger in his eyes while also knowing he’ll get to do more, he’s absolutely stunning. 

“Done admiring?” He asks cheekily.

“Yes,” you reply after a beat of silence, though you doubt you’d ever get enough of see this. “You?”

“Need to see everything first, babe,” he smirks. 

So you stand up, unhooking your bra then fully unzipping the dress that’s pooled on your waist, doing so in a sensual manner as you slowly reveal more of yourself to him, liking the way his eyes widen in shock and lust at the same time.

You’re left with nothing but your silk thong, a shiver running down your spine when he moves towards the edge of the couch, his hands caressing your outer thighs before groping and slapping your ass cheeks once more. 

“Can’t get enough of these,” he moans, not matching the tender way he kisses your torso.

You cradle his head, and he’s suddenly reminded of all the times he used to see you do this. He looks up at you teasingly.

“Hmm, this is what it’s like.”

You remember it, too, and you laugh at the way he nuzzles your belly then smirks at you, like he’s thoroughly enjoying himself. You’d been in a lustful mood just seconds ago, and he brings you back in it as quickly as he took you out, as he starts sucking on the skin that leads to your cunt. 

He glances at you while he nibbles at the hem of your underwear, his fingers teasing your lips and feeling the dampness that’s pooled in there. Slowly, he removes the last piece of clothing you have on, staring at your hooded eyes while he does. 

Now completely bare in front of him, he brings you with him as he sits back on the couch, having you straddle him again, your mouths touching once more, the fervent actions at pace with your thrusting hips. 

“You’re so wet, I can feel you all over me,” he mumbles in your ear, pushing your core down to grind against his clothed crotch.

“Need your mouth to do something about it,” you groan, as the ache in your cunt starts to get unbearable, needing relief. 

He nudges for you to lay on the couch now, guiding you there as he constantly curses every time his lips meet your flesh. Kissing your lips briefly, he trails down to your breasts, giving both of them ample attention before he sets his eyes on your dripping core. 

He teases by thumbing with your clit first while he nips at your thighs, slowly moving towards your heat, before he licks the whole strip of it, his warm wet muscle stimulating every nerve of your body. You let out a restrained cry, and he lifts one of your legs for better access, allowing him to swallow you whole, as he sucks your cunt hungrily while letting the cold of his lip ring add to the pleasure, uncaring that he’s close to running out of breath.

“Fuck, Jungkook. That’s so good,” you moan, your muscles tensing as you try to hold in even just a bit to aid in the pleasure. “Keep going, fuck yes.”

He does as you ask, watching your fucked out face as he slips two fingers in, the sight of your hooded eyes and parted mouth making his dick throb even more. But he wants this, wants this for you. He wants to make you feel all kinds of pleasure as you’ll let him.

He replaces his digits with his tongue, sliding around and over and inside your hole, eliciting more moans from you as you start to buck your hip against his mouth, letting him fuck you like this. 

Your eyes travel to the back of your head as the pleasure intensifies, and for a brief moment, you look at him - completely lost in ravishing your pussy, his own eyes closed and the veins on his forehead appearing, hands tight around your thighs as he pushes you towards the edge. He’s giving it his all, you know this, as you feel his whole body tense as well. 

You’re close, you tell him, and with his hands finding your breasts, flicking the nipples, you unravel completely, and you feel the slick waterfall down your cunt, straight into his mouth. He moans as he takes you in, licking every drop, wiping his face with his hand, and gently kissing upwards to meet your lips once more. 

“How do you taste like?” He breathes into your mouth, bucking against you, his hard length so appetizing even more as you come down from your high.

“Weird,” you chuckle, but desperate as your hand palms his cock. “But now I need this in my mouth.”

“But I want more of you,” he whines, nipping at your neck.

“I haven’t sucked dick in years, Jungkook,” you groan. “This has been poking me all night.”

“But I’m gonna pop right away,” he pouts, hovering over you, the man who’d just ravaged you now grumbling about not wanting to be sucked off.

“Be good and wait to do that when you’re inside me, okay?”

Your voice is stern and turns him on even more, but it also makes him want to follow and be pleasured by that pretty and dangerous mouth of yours. 

“Fuck,” he says, standing up to unbutton his trousers, which you help him do.

Eyes locked on his, you pull his boxers down after, fingers grazing his muscular thighs as they become undressed, your mouth watering at the hardened cock that’s presented before you. Taking it in your hand, you return the kiss he gives then motion for him to sit on the couch this time.

You kneel comfortably on the floor and smirk at him before licking up the strip of his shaft then the slit, liking the saltiness of his precum and the way his thighs tense at the feel of you. 

Your mouth slowly takes him, sliding down at a pace that’s got his mind going completely hazy because even if he’d imagined this, it’s nothing close to having the real thing. You know what you’re doing, and you make sure he does, by the way that your eyes focus on him, barely looking away and closing them only briefly to savor his taste.

Jungkook’s jaw locks, his fists clench, and gradually, he bucks into your mouth as your motions continue. You see his strained face as his head lolls back, that pretty mole underneath his bitten lip looking even prettier from down here. You’re pleasuring and trapping him at the same time; he’d come right now if you let him, but he also wants you to keep at this for longer.

He’s losing himself in it, especially as you rake his thigh and fondle his balls.

“Fuck, yes, good girl,” he mindlessly moans. 

It’s a pet name he realizes you don’t like, as your movements slow down and he peeks to see displeasure in your eyes, even as you still have his cock in your mouth.

“Bad girl?” He tries again. 

You replace your mouth with your hand, scowling at him now.

“Mommy?”

You completely stop your movements. “I’m going to castrate you.”

You say it so seriously. And even though his near-orgasm falls substantially - which is somewhat fortunate because he was so close and he really wanted to come inside you but you seemed to be enjoying what you were doing before he ruined it - he can’t help but chuckle at your disappointed look. 

“Fine, sweets. Because you taste so fucking amazing,” he says, leaning over to peck your lips. “Please continue.”

You roll your eyes but enjoy it nonetheless. “You’re lucky you’re hot.”

He scrunches his nose the way he does when he annoys you, and it’s cute but sexy at the same time, what with his body looking the way it does right now. 

You get back into it quickly, sucking as you slide back down, his tip hitting you at the hilt. You go back to the pace you were at earlier, and you see him get back to it, too, his head lolling back again and his mouth parting to let out a groan that shoots straight through your core. Your head bobs up and down again, and you meet his desperate and lust-filled eyes before you go for another dive that has him keening and losing his mind.

“Fuck, ___, on your back, now.”

You release him from your mouth with a playful wink, and he pulls you to lay on the couch, the urge to make you feel good with his cock getting stronger by the second. He spreads your legs and his mouth waters at how ready you are to take him.

“Wait, Jungkook,” you say, and for a moment, his heart stops. “Condom. I have a box on my bedside.”

“I have one here,” he replies, searching for his wallet. 

He retrieves the foil pack and apologizes as he puts the latex sheath on, and you respond that it’s okay.

“So you were expecting this, huh?” You tease as he hovers over you, feeling his tip tease your entrance.

“I was hoping for it, actually,” he smiles, kissing you and swallowing your moan as he slides in.

You feel his length drag inside you, your walls that have been deprived for too long, taking him in fully. The pleasure from a good, hard cock from someone who knows what they’re doing is mind blowing, as Jungkook angles you in such a way that lets you feel everything. 

He starts slowly, his mouth trailing down your neck before nibbling the shell of your ear, then swirling his tongue on your pert buds the same time he thrusts harshly inside you.

“Fuck, yeah, like that,” you mewl, liking the way he teased a bit then went right in. 

He maintains that pace as you continue to moan out curses, praising him for how good he’s making you feel, and he responds with his own praises of how good you feel. Your hands hold onto his shoulders, sliding down to feel his biceps in their absolute divine form, all taut and large, like how you like them.

“You’re so fucking sexy, I’m losing my mind,” he drawls, kneeling now as he lifts both your legs to flush against your chest, thrusting incessantly, letting you feel him even deeper. 

“Hmmm, fuck, you’re so good,” you pant, loving his praises.

You go with this position for a while before he places your legs back down to wrap around his waist, and you take the opportunity to push him further inside you with your heels to his delight. 

“Keeping me locked in on you, huh?” He teases, biting your lip then taking both your hands and pinning them above your head. “I’m not going anywhere, sweets.”

“Stick to ‘babe,’ alright? That’s too cliche for a pastry chef to say,” you grumble, earning you a laugh at how it’s something you’d still correct him on in the middle of sex.

The view of him from below, with the veins popping out of his neck and his tattooed arm flexed over you, is making you even wetter. There are beads of sweat on his forehead, his jaw is clenched, and the moans he lets out are sinful. You can’t hold in the obscene sounds that you make, either, with how he’s hitting you in the spots you didn’t think would feel this good. 

But you still know your body more, and you know just how to build on the pleasure that’s overtaking every part of you.

“From behind,” you pant, and he follows immediately, releasing you from his hold and helping you on your knees.

Your elbows support you as your belly hits the couch, your ass angled upward for him to nip and kiss before he slides in easily, hitting another spot that has you keening right away. 

“Shit, you look so fucking good like this,” he groans, slapping a cheek, eliciting another moan from you.

It’s something you didn’t think you’d actually like, but Jungkook has a way of making you be open and actually enjoy things with him. And even he moans when he does it, which he follows with a praise or a kiss on your back, and you’re living for the way he’s making sure you both feel good with everything he’s doing.

He pounds into you in a pace that gradually quickens, his hands holding your waist in place as you wail in pleasure. He lifts you a little, allowing him to lower himself on your back, kissing your shoulders then your neck before tilting your face to ravage your mouth. 

The way he moves is heated and impassioned and everything you’d imagined that sex with him would be like - with him giving his all, making you feel euphoric and satisfied, praising you repeatedly. He cups your breast from below, and with the added stimulation, you feel your belly tighten, and the pending orgasm builds up too quickly for you to warn him.

“I’m—”

You let out a loud moan as your body shakes from the pleasure, your mind hazy now as you feel like you’re suspended from what he’d just made you experience. 

He continues, though, going harder now to reach his high, and you urge him to push into you even more, which he does obediently.

It still feels good even if your body is giving in, finding what little energy you have left to meet his hips, and it’s a final thrust that has him coming, the intensity of it allowing you to feel him spill his seed into the condom inside you. 

“Shit,” he pants, peppering kisses up your spine, unbothered by the sweat lining it.

He breathes into the crook of your neck before meeting your lips again, but this time in a languid movement of tongues entangling, feeling each other’s pleasure and exhaustion.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he moans in your mouth, lazily still rocking into you as he comes down from his high. “And so fucking good.”

“Hmm, you’re welcome,” you hum in his mouth, shivering in over sensitivity as he fondles your pert bud. “Jungkook!” You squeal.

He chuckles and gives you a soft kiss. “I’ll just throw this,” he says, easing out of you and removing the condom. He gives your ass another slap before walking towards your bathroom.

You hum in response and turn on your back, hoping you’ll remember to sanitize this couch and call for the cleaner tomorrow afternoon. 

Jungkook returns with his boxers on and a wet towel then proceeds to clean you up, systematically wiping your breasts, your back, then your cunt that’s still recovering. He places the throw blanket over you before snuggling next to you. 

“Is this okay?” He asks, sliding his arm underneath your head to serve as your pillow. 

“Yeah, I like post-sex cuddles. Especially after that,” you smile at him. “I’m exhausted. I haven’t had dick in years, I’d forgotten how it feels inside me.”

“And how was mine?” He smirks.

“Good?” You turn to him. 

“Just good?” He cocks an eyebrow.

“Great? Do you need me to stroke your ego?”

“Not really,” he chuckles. “I just wanna make sure that I made you feel good and so I can keep doing all that. You deserve to feel good,” he explains, giving you a soft smile.

“Well, it was amazing. I don’t usually come from dick, just to let you know,” you admit.

“You don’t, what?” He exclaims.

“I don’t come from penetration that much. I mean, it’s good, I just don’t always orgasm from it,” you mumble. “And that’s perfectly normal.”

“I know. It’s just… wait, so how were you with, uh…”

“I’d fake it. He’s the type who needs to feel good about himself, remember?”

“Yeah, so a while ago, did you…?”

“I seriously came, Jungkook. You wiped me off! Plus, that kind of moan is hard to fake, mind you,” you clarify, not wanting to make him feel bad, but with what you know of Jungkook, he doesn’t have a razor thin ego for him to feel insecure about it.

“Wow, okay. Good job, little J. You did well,” he says, patting his now-flaccid cock.

“Did you just… compliment your dick…” You look at him incredulously.

“He made you come! He needs affirmation sometimes,” he defends.

“You’re silly,” you playfully roll your eyes.

“I know,” he smirks. “But also, can I just say? You’re so hot when you talk dirty to me.”

“That’s not my dirty talk,” you chuckle. “That’s literally me, telling you exactly what I want. Which I’ll probably do a lot. That turns you on?”

“Duh. I like it when you tell me what to do.”

He looks at you with those now-innocent eyes and boyish smile, the euphoric feel from earlier turning into something light and comfortable, something you rarely feel after sex. 

You’re tired but he makes you laugh. Your body is sore but he caresses your cheek and pecks your lips, telling you that he doesn’t mind how you come, as long as he makes you come, whatever part of his body does it. 

He’s every bit of a dream you never expected would come in the form of a bunny smile and a sinful body, and he wants you, just as much as you want him. 

You yawn, prompting him to sit up to give way for you to clean up and get ready for bed.

“Stay the night,” you say, as you take his discarded polo on the floor and wear it, the hem just barely covering your thighs. “I want to wake up next to you in the morning.”

“Okay,” he smiles, his heart melting at the sight of you in his clothes.

He follows your lead and doesn’t react much when you give him a towel and the oversized shorts you wore when you were pregnant then motion for the guest bathroom.

You take your time in the shower to gather yourself and come down from the high you’re still on. Jungkook crashed into your life years ago and made you feel things, and that rattled you, made you unsteady because you don’t like feeling like both of your hands aren’t on the wheel. 

Being without him and then having him back still makes you feel that sometimes, but you realize that if the other hand on the wheel next to yours is his, it’s not so bad. And if the years apart and the recent months with him have told you anything, it’s that whether you’re driving the car, he is, or both of you are, you want him next to you. That should be enough, you remind yourself in an effort to dispel whatever remaining doubts and fears you have.

He wants more with you, whatever that is. And sharing something so intimate like your bare selves to each other is what you needed tonight to solidify what your heart has known for a while now, even with the tiniest hint of apprehension in there. 

You exit your bathroom to find him sitting at the edge of your bed in all his shirtless glory, and you take your time to appreciate his broad and muscled and incredibly insatiable form before walking towards him.

“Hey,” you finally say, taking the hand he reaches out to you. “Why aren’t you in bed yet?”

“Wanted to make sure I’m on the right side before I get comfortable.”

He pulls you close and wraps his arms around your torso. “And to do this,” he says, as his hands move to cup your ass cheeks. “I don’t know why but it’s so comforting.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” you chuckle, briefly cradling his head before giving him a peck on the lips. “Let’s go to bed, my whole body is sore and my legs are still shaking.”

You walk to your side and he scoots to his, but instead of lying down next to you, he kneels and starts massaging your calves, up to your knees and thighs.

“I might have overbent these,” he teases, kissing your leg when you start to complain, his lips matching the sensual way his hands are stroking your flesh.

Jungkook just watches your satisfied face as he continues, his heart swelling at how you’re looking at him so tenderly. He thinks it’s reflective of what you do to him - one minute it’s racing like hell because you make him nervous, excited, euphoric, confused; another minute you’re calming him down, gazing at him like there’s beauty in his eyes, comforting him without touching him. 

And that’s how you’ve been to him all these months - sometimes you’re a hurricane - fast, dangerous, daunting from afar and overwhelming up close. Sometimes you’re a still day - a grounding presence, comforting, awe-inspiring in its simplicity. 

You’re raw, flawed, imperfect, and absolutely breathtaking. And he can’t get enough of you. 

He returns your smile and crawls under the covers, his arm out to hold you while you rest your head on his chest, your palm on his torso providing warmth and coolness at the same time. 

Kissing your forehead, he whispers. “Good night, ___.” 

“Good night,” you mumble.

Jungkook stares at the ceiling as the minutes tick by, still wrapping his head around tonight, the elation unmatched as he thinks of waking up next to you in the morning. It’s like he wants to fast forward to that but also wants to savor what’s remaining of the evening with you. 

“I thought you were tired. Why are you still up?” He asks, his fingers grazing your bare shoulder.

You turn to him with a questioning look.

“You breathe heavily when you sleep,” he says. “I hear it in the car when I’m driving. What’s on your mind, ___?”

“What did you mean about wanting more?” You wonder out loud, releasing yourself from his hold to sit up, knees folded underneath your chin.

“More,” he responds, as if it’s an all-encompassing answer. “Being able to kiss you, hold you, wake up next to you, make love to you whenever.”

“Is that it?”

His eyes briefly meet yours before they flit elsewhere.

“Spend my life with you, have a family with you,” he says softly.

“You hesitated.”

“Only because I wasn’t sure if you want that, if you’re ready for that,” he responds. 

“Jungkook, of course I want a family.”

“But do you want it with me?”

“I do,” you answer a beat too late.

“You hesitated,” he sighs.

“Only because I…”

“You’re scared I’ll change my mind,” he finishes.

“Partly. I mean, the thought still swims around,” you admit. “Do you blame me though?”

“No, but ___, this is me we’re talking about. And this is you.”

You cock an eyebrow at his words, signaling him to keep going. 

“You’re not some hobby or preference or a college degree that I’d change my mind about,” he explains. “Even when you broke my heart and didn’t want me to be a part of your life, when I was away, I didn’t change my mind.”

“Yeah, but then Yae-won happened. That’s changing your mind, Jungkook.”

“Was it, if it wasn’t even that serious? I told you, we were good friends more than anything. We were great company for each other, in a lot of ways, but I couldn’t fully give in because a part of me knew that when I came back here, when I saw you again, I’d be the same guy who’d want you. And I was right,” he explains. 

“I saw you at the bar, that night in Busan, and I… fuck, everything just came back. And she noticed the change after that. I felt terrible, but somehow she just knew; it wasn’t the same. She didn’t wanna burden me, she said, and I stayed there for months after she and I broke up to just think things through again, knowing you still didn’t have a partner. And I came back here having decided that if I had to wait again, I would,” he continues. “If I had to start over as just a friend, I would, and then figure it out from there like before. Maybe wait for you to push me away and stop. But I’d stay until then and just be there for you. Because that’s how I am. I find something I love and I go all out, I’m patient but I give my everything and—”

“You love me?” You interject.

“Yes,” he says with no hesitation this time. “Does that scare you?”

“No. I just… I feel so much for you, Jungkook. It’s a lot that I’m still trying to unpack and savor and take my time with because I want to do this right, too. That’s why I’m not there yet. And I don’t wanna scare you with that.”

“You won’t. I mean, that’s already more than enough,” he assures, taking your hand. “I’m so fucking weak for you, ___. You could do your worst and I’d still forgive you, I'd still be crazy about you and that’s crazy, isn’t it? Someone like me, who didn’t think his heart would ever stick to one thing, finds a woman at the cafe and just… decides he’s sure about her, about you. So let me love you right, okay? No need to say it back or reciprocate it right away. Just let me love you and Heejin right because I will do that. And then I’ll wait. Again. And I won’t mind for as long as you let me love you this way. Please.”

The tears well up in your eyes as you wrap your arms around his neck, letting his strong arms steady you and let you know that he means everything he said. You feel his words glue together the holes from your past, your fears, your worries, and apprehensions. You know he’s held back a little, not wanting to go too hard and push you away in the process, wanting instead to let his feelings speak through his actions, for you to acknowledge and accept them at your own pace. 

With all that’s happened tonight, there’s no reason for you to doubt anymore, especially as he tightens his hold and places kisses on the side of your head.

“I love you, okay? Please let me say it everyday,” he whispers. “I need you to know it everyday.”

“Okay,” you whisper back, pulling away and kissing him deeply. “I don’t know how good I’ll be with this girlfriend thing this time. I get stubborn and temperamental and irritable. But I’ll do better. Tell me when it gets too much for you, alright? I don’t want to give you a reason to walk away.”

“And I get clingy and childish and hard-headed sometimes,” he chuckles, caressing your tear-stained face. “But I’ll always make you laugh.”

“You can kiss me, too. That’ll work.”

“That’s nice to know,” he smiles, pulling you next to him in an embrace. “Who would’ve thought that you’d be so drawn to my kisses, huh?” He pecks your lips again. “So that’s all you need?”

You nod in response. “Wait for me to calm down and kiss me, hold me. I’ll need that. What about you?”

“I just need you and Heejin, next to me, laughing with me. That’s all.”

“Okay,” you sniff, nuzzling his neck. “I’ll need that, too.”

“It won’t be easy,” he adds, knowing you’re gonna need this assurance, too. “We’re gonna have fights and misunderstandings or days of just wanting to be alone. But ___, you’re my plan, okay? Being a family with you and Heejin is on my vision board, and I’m gonna do everything to make sure that nothing changes that, you hear me? Even if it gets hard, whether things are going fine or a storm clouds over us, we’re going to make it work.”

You savor his words as Jungkook thinks back to when he first saw you, the fierceness in your eyes and the softness of your smile captivating him immediately. 

Every moment he’d spent with you is something etched in his brain which he holds onto whenever he needs to feel that sense of purpose in his life, when he wants to remember that happiness. Whether it’s your grit and passion for your job, the selfless way you love those around you, and the strength that you exemplify, you’re everything he’s ever wanted and more.

**

Your phone’s incessant ringing feels like a hole is being drilled into your head, disturbing your peaceful slumber against the warm body cuddling you from behind. Jungkook’s breath tickles your ear, his gruff moans remind you of last night, and the way he fondles your breast tells you that he likes anything that’s soft, and that, well, a pastry chef’s hand is very skilled; you’re tempted to just go for morning sex if it wasn’t for your mother calling.

“Honey, we’re near,” your mom chirps when you finally pick up. “Make sure to, uh, put some clothes on.”

You groan in response to her giggling then proceed to the bathroom to freshen up. It only takes five minutes for the doorbell to ring and upon opening the door, you find that your earlier barely-awake state is matched by your half-asleep daughter clinging to an amused Jung-jae.

“I tried hard not to wake her up but failed,” he says. “She was kind of cranky but I gave her the alpaca stuffed toy like you said and she went back to sleep.”

“Aww, bubba’s not in the mood,” you chuckle, taking her from him, her arms immediately wrapping around your neck. “Thank you both for keeping her company last night,” you say, inviting them inside.

“Oh, honey. We loved having her. We don’t mind having her on some nights,” your mother says. “You and Jungkook need time for—”

She’s cut off by a shirtless Jungkook walking towards the kitchen mindlessly, eyes widening once you whisper-shout his name. 

Your mother clears her throat and continues. “Uh, time for that.”

It’s then you notice the marks you’d left on Jungkook’s neck after you went another round last night after he bore his heart to you. You were so taken by him that your kiss turned heated until you found yourself on top of him, your tiredness compounded but definitely worth it once you finally fell asleep.

“Put a shirt on, you dummy!” You scowl, covering Heejin’s ears. 

“You didn’t give me one!” He counters, cheekily waving at your mom and Jung-jae. 

“Find one in my closet, now!”

He scurries to your room and you’re left looking and feeling embarrassed.

“Well, I didn’t expect any less from him,” your mother laughs. “But I hope this means that you two aren’t skirting around what you both feel anymore, yeah? And that maybe, one day, Heejin will know of a father who’ll love her unconditionally, though I think Jungkook does that already.”

Jungkook returns with a zipped-up jacket now on before you can say anything, though you’re unsure how to answer that. One at a time, you think, as you watch him make coffee like this is his home. 

Not wanting to let Heejin go just yet, you hold onto her while your mom and Jung-jae talk about a spa resort they want to go to as a family, and you get excited at the thought of what that would now mean to you and Jungkook. He seems like he’s looking forward to it, too, as he tries to hide his smile from you.

You eventually bid your mom and Jung-jae goodbye and head back to your room.

“She’s still sleepy, and so am I. Can we sleep in?” 

“Of course,” Jungkook smiles. 

You place Heejin in between both of you, and a sudden movement causes her to briefly wake up.

“Mama,” she calls out, arms up for you to take.

You kiss her nose and tell her that Kookoo is next to her, too, and she turns to hug him and peck his cheek before turning back to you, squeezing her legs underneath your body. 

“Oh, my bubba,” you chuckle, wrapping your arms around her. “I love you so much.”

Jungkook watches you tenderly as you cradle your world in your hands, and he wants nothing more than to be able to do that with both of you, too. 

You meet his eyes and there’s a glimmer in his, and if there’s a way to capture this so you could look into them during the toughest days, you would. 

He leans in to kiss you - one, two, three times.

“I love you, ___.”

They’re words he’d say every day in some way - a note on your to-go coffee, as a cheeky apology after annoying you again, over the phone before he hangs up, and on weekend evenings when he’d stay the night and he’d whisper it to you as you’re just about to fall asleep.

It takes you a month to finally say it back. 

You’re at home and Jungkook had just calmed Heejin down from a tantrum by fake-crying along with her, causing her to be upset that he’s crying, so she stops and comforts him instead. 

“Stop crying, Kookoo,” she pouts, hugging him.

“I’m okay now. I love you, sunshine,” he chirps, kissing her nose before placing her on the chair then moving to the oven to take out the freshly-baked bread that he’s now an expert at doing. 

It’s his patience, his kindness, his child-like nature and thoughtfulness that makes him the person you want, the person you love. The person you want to love you and Heejin for a long time.

“I love you, Jungkook,” you say, each word carrying memories and experiences and emotions in them. “I love you so much.”

He’s caught off guard. He almost drops the pan and burns his finger but he doesn’t mind. Your words are all that matter, so do Heejin’s, as he glances at her smiling face as she calls out his name. 

Walking over to you, he kisses you one, two, three times, his own words carrying a little bit more now. 

“I love you,” he promises. “I love you with my whole heart.”

##

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[silkscream]

can you do something where reader is a shy girl with strict parents and peter is a jock but they’re secretly dating and she sneaks out to meet him? ALSO I LOVE YOUR WRITING YOURE LITERALLY AWESOME

My Kind Of Woman

pairing: jock!peter parker x reader

synopsis: you sneak out of your house to see your boyfriend.

warnings: underage drinking, mentions of sex, tooth-rotting fluff

wc: 1.1k

a/n: halfway through writing this one of my favorite love songs came on so of course, i mentioned it. this was very fun to write, i hope you like it <3

Your mother would kill you right now if she saw you.

Sure, you’d taken gymnastics when you were a child, so you could hold your balance and you were flexible enough. You didn’t believe Peter when he praised you for that with a wink, to which your face would heat up automatically. You were no gymnast anymore, so god forbid, if you were to fall off the ladder from this fire scape right now, you figure that you’ll just blame your boyfriend for your inevitable death. At least Peter knows what music to play at your funeral.

“Hmph,” you huff, when you kick your legs up to the platform, tangled limbs crossing over one another as if you’re on a jungle gym.

It’s even more nerve-wracking that you aren’t dressed for the athletic occasion — Dr. Marten boots and a skater skirt didn’t do much to help your case except flashing your ass to whatever poor soul decided to stalk through the alleyway below Peter’s building.

Although you were frustrated, the thrill of the night did catch up to your romanticized visions of teenage adventure. All thanks to your jock boyfriend. It was cliche — Peter managed to climb the social ladder by joining the basketball team last year and was bizarrely good for someone who’d always gotten picked on in middle school for his geekish puns and awkward lankiness. He was still the nerd, always at the top of his class, but girls looked at him differently than they used to during freshman year.

You, on the other hand, have always kept to yourself. You had MJ to thank for introducing you to Peter. After a party eight months ago, Peter decided to take you home after he found you drunk, cooped up by yourself in Flash’s bedroom slashing his shirts with scissors. It served him right for making a pass at you and allowing one of his henchmen to slur misogynistic remarks right after.

Peter admired your courage (despite it being born out of pettiness), and also your face, so naturally, he kissed you at your doorstep. He’s been attached to your hip ever since.

“Babe!” A hushed shriek above you. You look up to see a familiar mop of brown curls and a thin-lipped smile beaming at you like he was the sun itself. “You’re doing really good, c’mon!”

You sigh and make your way up the stairs to your boyfriend. However, in a typical klutz manner, your untied shoelace gets stuck in between the railing and you slip off the step you’re on. Within milliseconds, your arched back snaps up like an elastic band when Peter’s web shoots itself to your abdomen and reels you up to his window.

“What the fuck? That was scarier than if I’d just fallen. There was a platform below me, you know,” you hiss at Peter.

The boy is blushing pink and cringing.

“Thanks, Spiderman,” you kiss his cheek.

“This isn’t supposed to be how you found out,” Peter tells you. You shrug.

“Oh no, I already knew.” You chuckle at the bewildered look on Peter’s face.

“You told me two days ago when you were drunk. You were like, ‘oh I’m soooo happy to have you, baby, even when I’m a sticky boy. I’m your sticky boy. I should web you to my bed.’ And I was like, what are you talking about, and you weren’t listening to me and kept going on about in bed you could role-play as Spiderman if I wanted and—“

“Okay, okay, I get it!” Peter scolds, bringing a hand up to cover your mouth. He seems to be sweating from embarrassment. “Jesus christ.”

“You gotta watch that dirty mouth, Parker. You might accidentally dox yourself,” you tease.

Before you can taunt him any further, Peter ushers you into his room and onto his bed. At the contact of his lips, you trail your fingers down the freckles adorning his jaw down to his collarbone. You sigh into his mouth like he’s the remedy to your thirst.

He descends down to the sweet spot on your neck, nose buried in your hair.

“Hmmuhmmmuphf,” he muffles into your skin.

“What?”

“Said I missed you.” He clears his throat and runs a hand across your scalp. “What’d you tell your mom?”

“MJ’s house for a project. She even called my mom for me.”

“Woooooow,” Peter muses, raising his eyebrows. “You little delinquent.”

“You’re kind of a bad influence on me.” You let out a small noise like that of a kitten’s when you feel Peter bite on your earlobe.

“You love it.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And I'm down on my hands and knees, beggin’ you please, baby, show me your world,” Peter sings along to the low speaker on his desk while he plays with your hair.

The twang of the guitar and the sight of your boyfriend singing along makes your heart flutter. Unsure of what to do with your hands, you play with one of Peter’s hoodie strings as he snakes an arm over your waist. Sometimes you forget that you can touch him when he looks the way he does — sharp jaw and crooked nose and porcelain skin.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Peter asks.

Sometimes it scares me how much I like you.

“You’re really fucking cute, is all,” you breathe. His face breaks into a smug smile.

“You’re cuter. Especially when you smile. I feel like your mood is kind of down tonight, baby.” Before you can respond, your breath hitches at the feeling of Peter’s large hand under your shirt. He quickly squeezes your love handles with his slender fingers, roaming your body with a feathery-light touch that makes your heart beat faster.

Your synapses are on fire… but not in a sexy way.

“Peter nonononono,” you cry out, putting a hand over your mouth so not to yell. Eventually, Peter’s body hovers over you completely, hands attacking your hips and your ribcage. Your face warms up with giggles as your body squirms.

“Quick question, if you could fuck any Avenger, who would it be?”

“Black Widow!” you shriek, howling in laughter. Peter looks at you with furrowed brows and a babyish pout.

“I’m supposed to be your favorite spider!” he retaliates to your comment by biting on your neck while still tickling, knee inching closer to your center. You shake with both arousal and hurried panic from the half-assed wrestling match.

“You have one more chance!”

“Okayokayokayokay OKAY I MEANT SPIDERMAN!”

Immediately, Peter stops. Your chest moves up and down as you breathe heavily. Peter rewards you with a chaste kiss on your forehead.

“Aw, thank you, sweetheart,” Peter coos. He lays beside you and attacks your jaw with tiny pecks. Squirming out of his grasp, you turn Peter over so that you’re straddling his lap and pinning his arms down. You get close enough to his face to see his dilated pupils and the messy little hairs of his raised brows.

“I’m gonna kill you with your own web-shooters one day.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

[buckyownsmylife]

fuckboy - chapter i

The one where Chris only wanted to fuck you and you were alright with that.

Chris never promised anything more than what he had to offer: a release - and a good one at that. Recently widowed and new to Hollywood, you're eager to learn how to live the single life with the help of such a talented teacher. What happens when Chris is the one to start expecting more from the relationship than you are prepared to offer?

A/N: here it is, you guys! I'm so proud of this story and so excited to share it with you all! I hope you'll like it as much as I loved writing it!

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I looked around at the faces of people I’d only seen in magazines and movie screens my entire life. It was crazy to think that this was my reality now. When I posted that video only two months ago, I had no idea I’d become a viral sensation, the object of a dispute between multiple labels, and have my entire future rewritten from what I’d expected to become.

And yet, here I was. Living the dream - even though it’d never been mine - in L.A. of all places, trying to figure out who I could trust in this beast of an industry that seemed as far removed from kind as possible.

Luckily, I’d made a few friends who seemed honest enough. A few singers reached out to welcome me into their inner circle, and then I met a few actors and actresses in the gatherings they threw, which was how I ended up in this party filled with almost exclusively big movie stars, accompanying Brie freaking Larson.

I still couldn’t believe she was someone I could call a friend now. I’d find myself constantly freaking out whenever I looked over my phone to see that she was calling me, or looking up to see her offering me a beer, as she was doing right now.

“Come sit with us, we’re messing around with Chris. He’s fun.” Looking over, I realized the Chris she was referring to was, in fact, her marvel colleague, Chris Evans - someone who’d starred in quite a lot of my daydreams back when I was a teenager.

I was still enough of a fan to know just how fun he could be at parties. I’d seen videos of him playing drinking games, jumping over entire counters… He’d always seemed like the life of a party in general. Seeing him at that one, surrounded by his friends - many of whom I’d come to know already - solidified the idea I had of him in my mind.

“Chris, this is my friend Y/N.” I noticed the way he looked me up and down. I couldn’t say I didn’t like it, it’s not every day you get to meet your celebrity crush and know that he was at least a little bit interested in you. But the thrill of being noticed easily disappeared from my tired body, as I sent him a little smile.

I still wasn’t ready to date, and I don’t think I would be for a while.

“Oh, hey! Nice to meet you. I saw your video, you really sing like an angel.” I was sure there were no evident signs of my feelings in my expression, but I think he knew the effect his words had on me, with the way I avoided his eyes as I took a seat next to Brie on the couch. But I guess that was expected, considering he was almost twice my age. I was sure that experience with women is something he didn’t exactly lack.

We’d interrupted some sort of friendly banter, but it didn’t take long for them to get right back to it, and it seemed like Chris was the main subject of everyone’s attention. “Man, you’re almost forty!” Someone I didn’t really recognize teased him, and he rolled his eyes as he took a swig of his beer.

I had to admit I watched his throat as he leaned back to swallow it, and it did make my mouth dry for a little while.

“Yeah, so?” He countered, making everyone laugh as I pondered the situation over in my own head. He really was almost forty, but here he was, on a Friday night, at a place packed with single people, wearing a tank top with a flannel and a baseball cap turned to the wrong side.

He didn’t look forty, he looked like a teenager. A muscly, handsome teenager, but a teenager nonetheless. If it was anyone else, I’m sure I’d been turned off by his outfit. But as it were, the teenager that still lived inside of me could only gawk and fawn over him.

In my mind, of course.

“So you should be married already! Isn’t this what you want?” The question caught me by surprise, so much so that a snort left me before I could realize it. The second I did though, my hand covered my lips, in too much of a shock to even immediately apologize for it.

“What?” Chris asked, already laughing - maybe at how huge my eyes must have looked, as I slowly lowered my hands back to my lap. “Seriously, what? I swear I won’t be offended,” he tried to press me, even though I kept shaking my head. Everyone else seemed as curious as him, however, and quickly a chant of “tell us” started being shouted across the room, and I realized my quickest way out was to just get out with it already.

“I just don’t think that’s something you really want, that’s all,” I explained, but avoided his eyes, my gaze fixated on the bottle of beer he’d abandoned on the coffee table in front of us. The chuckle that erupted from his chest, however, had me looking up to see his expression.

“And why do you think that?” I knew the hidden meaning of his words, I could hear the real question behind them. “Who do you think you are?” He wanted to say. “Why do you think you know me?” And the truth was, I really didn’t.

I knew a lot about him. But really know him? I didn’t. This is why I knew inserting myself in this conversation was a mistake from the beginning. It didn’t seem like I had any other choice, now.

“It just seems to me that if you really did, you’d be married by now.” I shrugged, taking a sip of my own beer, while he adjusted himself on his chair, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his thighs. I’d captured his attention, apparently.

“Does this mean you’re offering?” At my tilted head, a sign of my confusion, he quickly clarified. “Do you want to marry me?” Everyone, me included, broke down into laughter, but while the rest of the group felt nothing but amusement, I was certain, the burning I could feel radiating from my cheeks denounced just how embarrassed I was - even if no one else could realize it.

Chris was chuckling too, drinking his beer while he waited for my response, which I gave after wiping my sweaty hands on the loose fabric of my dress. “See? That’s the thing. You could have anyone you wanted. It’s not for lack of suitors that you’re still single. So it has to be for the lack of real interest.”

He pondered over my words, his lips pursing as he leaned back on his chair once more. But his eyes never left mine, and I had to actively control my instincts in order not to play with my own fingers and look sillier than I already did.

Chris’ P.O.V.

I looked at the woman who seemed to read me so well with barely veiled interest. She was so young, definitely way younger than me, but despite her obvious nervousness in this environment (then again, she was just starting to get introduced into this world, I remembered), the way she spoke made it seem like she was certain of what she said. And seeing as she was talking about my life, that gave me very conflicting feelings.

First, I felt weirdly understood by this complete stranger that had just waltzed into my friend group. No one here had ever considered this possibility - or if they did, they certainly didn’t have the guts to confront me about it. But here she was, like something out of a novel, just suddenly here and seemingly seeing parts of my soul I’d never exposed to anyone before.

Which, of course, also infuriated me. Try as I might, I didn’t like to be vulnerable, especially in front and because of someone I barely knew. It was irrational and a little bit childish, but I couldn’t control that part of my brain - maybe because of the alcohol, maybe because of the entire situation.

“Very well,” I smirked. “I like how you think of me. Guess it means you find me incredibly attractive, huh?” I winked in her direction, and she ducked her head to hide her expression, but I knew the effect I had on her. I saw the way she looked at me, and it wasn’t that different from the way I had trailed my eyes up her body. “Still, I’d like to know how the hell would you know that all that it takes for a marriage to work is interest.”

She cleared her throat at that, straightening up on the chair as she found the courage to look me in the eye again. I thought that question would have shut her up, the perfect nudge to make her realize she didn’t have the authority to keep talking about this subject, but it was clear that it hadn’t been the case at all.

“I’ve been married, actually,” she clarified, and even though I didn’t sense any presumptuousness in her tone, it still made my blood boil. So I shrugged, taking another swig of my beer before commenting, “And so what? If he got tired of you, it’s not like interest is everlasting, is it?”

I regretted the words as soon as they were out. I closed my eyes as I mentally punched myself for hurting someone so viciously for something this small, but when I opened them again, she wasn’t there anymore.

Brie was though, and she stared at me with clear anger in her features.

“Her husband died, asshole.”

I felt like I’d been punched to the stomach. Because the worst part was, I knew it. I knew it and I just didn’t remember. The video that I watched, the video that propelled her into the eyes of the nation, was her eulogy to her late husband, and I was a fucking idiot.

Let me know what you thought of this chapter! Would you forgive Chris' words?

[mountswhore]

I saw you say requests were open...so how about Mason is giving you a bit of neglection and Chilly notices how isolated and sad you are and tells him to get his shit together so he goes home to try and make it up to her but, before he does he hears her in the mirror like 'why doesn't he love me' and he cuts in

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 — mason mount

summary: it feels as if mason is putting everything and everyone before you, and chilly has something to say about it.

notes: requests are open

Recently, Mason had been completely distant. You gave him the benefit of the doubt most of the time, assuming he was either exhausted from training or nervous for an upcoming game. But it was his break between seasons now, most footballers enjoying times with their loved ones before work starts up again for them. So he had no excuses not to be with you.

It had been going on for a few days now. He’d disappear early in the morning, barely letting you know he was going out, and returning in the evening for dinner. The most you’d share is a kiss and a brief ‘I love you’, but it just wasn’t enough. He’d finally chosen to stay home today, and you thought maybe you’d be doing something together today, until you’d heard him on the phone inviting Chilly over. You loved Ben more than anything, he was a great friend to the both of you, but this was supposed to be your time.

You’d heard him arrive, and you decided to stay in the games room on your pc. You were staying out of his hair, if he wanted you, he could come and get you. It was boring. You’d played multiple games but nothing could fill the hole of Mason’s company. Just as you started matchmaking again, you’d heard a voice behind you.

“What are you doing up here?” Ben asked, folding his arms as he leant against the doorframe. He’d frightened you, and you’d ripped your headset off to hear him.

“What are you doing up here?” You countered, also folding your arms. Ben couldn’t keep the smile off his face, as he stared at your amused face.

“I’m going to the toilet,” he replied casually, sitting in Mason’s gaming chair and spinning around, you had quickly exited the matchmaking and stared at the Home Screen. “But seriously, what are you doing up here? You usually sit downstairs with us and laugh at how bad Mason is at FIFA.”

Even Ben knew something was up, so it wasn’t just you being clingy or paranoid. You just shrugged and fiddled with the keys of your keyboard. “I just feel like Mason wants space right now, so I’m giving it to him.”

“What do you mean ‘space’? The man is obsessed with you.” Ben questioned, genuinely confused at how his friend was spending time away from his girlfriend. Mason would bother everyone at training by constantly talking about you, on the phone with you at lunch and breaks, he’d even be caught scrolling through your Instagram. This man was head over heels in love with you.

“Since time off started, he’s been doing everything without me. He spends most days out, goes to see his family without inviting me, and goes to see friends.” You explained, feeling a little more comfortable with talking to Ben, he felt more of a friend to you than most of Mason’s friends. Because he treated you like his own friend, not his friend’s girlfriend. “I don’t mind him seeing his family and friends without me, but I’d get a text from his mum asking why I didn’t go with him, and I never know what to say. I always make excuses for him, brushing it off as him being exhausted from the season or just tired in general, but it feels like he’s avoiding me at all costs. We haven’t had any intimate time together.”

“That’s not right,” Ben observed, “do you want me to talk to him about it?”

You shook your head vigorously, making it abundantly clear that Mason shouldn’t need a nudge to spend time with you. Ben was going to do it anyway, a part of you knew that, you just hoped that if Mason was going to come and spend time with you, it’s because he wants to, not because he was told to.

Ben had gone back down to Mason, who was waiting patiently on his phone, eyes focusing back on the game as soon as Ben sat down. A few more games later and Ben was calling it a day, stretching and putting his shoes on at an alarmingly slow pace.

“Mate,” he spoke quietly, hoping you didn’t hear him from the games room, “you need to talk to Y/N. I spoke to her earlier, she said she’s upset because she feels as if you don’t want to spend time with her anymore. Come on, Mase, I know how much you love her, you need to show it to her.”

Mason hadn’t even thought about how you were feeling during this. He felt horrible the second Ben left, tidying the living room half-heartedly and trailing up to find you. He’d heard you talking to someone, quickly peering his head through to see you sunken into your chair, phone up to your ear. He couldn’t see your face, only the back of your head, but he just knew there were tears streaming down your face.

“Why doesn’t he love me?” You asked Ben, who’d called you the moment he was on the road.

Ben couldn’t even reply, as the call had abruptly ended the moment you felt Mason’s arms around you. He was knelt between your legs, hugging your waist tightly to him. He hated how selfish he’d been towards you, not considering your feelings at all through this break. You put your phone down and placed your hands on your boyfriends head.

“Of course I love you.” He stated, finally meeting your eyes.

You furrowed your brows, knowing he’d heard good chunk of your conversation with Ben. But Mason had grabbed your cheeks with both hands, making sure you kept eye contact with him.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so distant during this time off,” he spoke quietly, ashamed of his behaviour, “you know how much I hate time off, and it’s not because of you, it’s because I don’t feel worth much when I’m not playing or doing something. It was wrong of me to shut you out and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” You admitted, placing your thumb over his lips and swiping gently over the soft texture. “I’m sure you can make it up to me.” The smirk on his face was unmatched, as he lifted you from your chair and carried you into your shared room for the evening.

[getouswh0re]

TOKYO REVENGERS REACTIONS:

❤︎ 3rd time’s a charm: how they react to you rejecting their confession for the first time ❤︎

an; warnings none, mainly fluff; enjoy! *‧.₊˚*੭*ˊᵕˋ੭.*

Albeit perturbed by the reason you’ve turned him down, MIKEY — being the gentleman that he is, would invariably respect your wishes. Still, the resilient part constituting his personality refuses to give in, and he would try to win your heart over and over, no matter what he has to do.

Mikey would try and get to know more about your hobbies and life starting with baby steps. If he happens to find out that you have a liking for dorayaki just like him, he would buy you ALL of the confectionery you could ever ask for. Imagine 12 big boxes filled with dorayaki and huge bouquets of flowers showing up at your doorstep all of a sudden, with a blushing Mikey saying he’d like to take a step further in your friendship with him. Yep, that’s what you’ve signed up for honey.

DRAKEN, same as Mikey, would respect your choices no matter what; although deep inside, he is a tad hurt. Did you reject him because he’s a delinquent? Were you terrified because of how intimidating he looked? With that in mind, he is adamant on making you change your impression of him — and hopefully, steal your heart all over.

He would be your guardian angel from the shadows, helping you with anything as long as it is within his capabilities. Another thing Draken would do is to change his image for your sake; so whenever you are within his periphery, he would be prim and proper (plus trying hard to be cool LOL fr 🤣🤣) , trying to impress you as much as he could. Even his fellow friends in the gang are absolutely shocked with Ryuguji’s change. Oh, the power loving someone holds.

Oh PLEASE who would reject a sweetheart like him 😭😭💔 go and have your eyes checked thank you very much💀🖐. CHIFUYU is such a lovely person so I doubt anyone would reject home boy; but him being in love is like a classical romance trope — meeting the love of his life and falling head over heels for them instantly. He would try to smile and pretend the rejection doesn’t hurt, but poor boy is this close to having a breakdown. He just wants to love someone, is it that hard for a simple wish like this to come true?

Chifuyu wouldn’t be acting like his usual self for the next few weeks, and it is so painfully obvious that the rest of his friends in the gang get annoyed and remind him that being rejected for the first time isn’t the end of the world. It is only until then that home boy manages to get his shit together and decides to give it another shot. He would be a lot more chivalrous and gentle towards you, attempting to show you how serious he is about being in a relationship.

The blonde would write you little notes signed with smiley faces, reminding you to drink more water or wear an extra coat if the weather is getting chilly — not to mention that he would definitely be the type who would notice trivial details about you; knowing how you’d be hungry after the first three periods of lesson, Chifuyu would stuff snacks into your drawer. Also I imagine that he would be the type to gently persuade you on having the extra lunch box he ‘coincidentally’ prepared. Guy’s a total giver, shoot your shot sexies 🤩🖐😗🖐

MITSUYA would be slightly disheartened, but he understands your decision and has made up his mind to win you over with his skills and charm. You get cold easily during the weather? Say less because Mitsuya would knit a custom sweater just for you; forgot to pack your lunch because you left home in a hurry? For some reason he knows about it too and makes you a spare lunch, ensuring that you won’t starve through the rest of the day.

Like the rest, Mitsuya would also try to build up the relationship slowly whilst making sure you feel comfortable with all of this. He would be that one friend who’s always there for you through highs and lows, sharing your laughter and lending you a shoulder to cry on whenever you’re sad. Eventually, you’re touched by his selflessness and decides to give him a chance when Mitsuya confesses to you for the second time. He has never been more elated in his life.

Mf here is probably the type who’d bully the heck out of his crush just to spite them 💀🖐 giving you light smacks on the head or throwing paper planes at you during class are already the basics; Baji would tease you relentlessly every now and then until it starts to piss you off.

“Stop making fun of me!”

“Yeah yeah, whatever you say.”

Despite his teasing nature, Baji would make sure his insults won’t be crossing the line of basic respect since he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Being the sneaky type, I’d imagine he has the guts to say “I’ll stop teasing you, but only if you give me a kiss” like STOP RIGHT THERE 😳🖐 but okay he’s hot so I’m going to give him kisses anyway 😗. Through the incessant bickering, you’ve unknowingly grown to like Baji a bit more day by day — and eventually, accepting his confession out of defeat.

Kazutora is shocked to say the least; he has tried his best to look good in front of you, were you not swooned by his charms? He is not convinced at all, thinking that you also like him but are simply too shy to admit. When his friends tell him that you’ve stolen glances at him with your cheeks dusted in bright hues, it only reaffirms Kazutora’s belief — making him even more insistent on making you fall in love with him.

He’d court you like a proper gentleman, showing you the gentle side of him and hoping you’d fall for it. But if none of these works, his ultimate goal is to make you confess with a simple game of true or dare. As Kazutora scrutinises your face flushing a bright red tinge with one of the participants innocently asking whether you actually have a crush on him, a bright smile creases his face. Kazutora has finally got his long-awaited answer.

“I ... damn it, I like Kazutora!”

“The feeling is mutual, y/n ~”

[idy-ll-ique]

My Little Secret.

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Innocent!F!Reader

Genre : Fluff, little bit of Angst

Warnings: none

Requested: nope

Summary: Y/N listens to music 24/7 on Spotify. At first Ransom is irritated, but now he knows just how to use the application to his benefit. I mean, come on, it can't be considered stalking if it's his wife, right?

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! oml a ransom drysdale fanfiction 😳 if I ever meet this asshole in real life I'd sock him in the jaw but in fiction? mamma mia. enjoy!

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Does she really love an app more than me?

Ransom scoffed to himself as he opened his laptop, clicking on the music app, Spotify. He rarely used it, but his wife was obsessed with it. She listened to music 24/7; singing along to the soft tunes in her playlists while working, reading, cleaning, cooking, anything. Ransom thought it was insane how submerged she was in the activity.

Until that activity gave him an upper-hand in their relationship.

When he had first opened the app on his laptop, he was a tad bit surprised at the "Friends Activity" feature. He saw her account. Then, as more months passed, he started noticing how when she was happy, she'd always be listening to some happy playlist, when she was sad she'd be listening to sad songs, et cetera. And he started using it to his advantage.

Now, everyday before leaving his office he'd check the app to see what playlist she was listening to. If it was a happy, dance playlist, well and fine. But a sad one? Ransom's mood would also sour because my darling is not feeling okay. While going home, he'd buy something for her; mostly flowers or chocolates, or a nice little trinket that he'd find in the displays of shops that he thought his wife would enjoy.

He never told her about it. What he was doing would be considered stalking but come on, is it stalking if she's your wife? As the app finally loaded, his eyes immediately strayed to the Friends Activity and his heart clenched when he saw her listening to her sad playlist that she had named Melancholy. Sighing, he turned off the laptop and left his office for the night.

As he drove back home, he stopped outside a flower shop and bought an adorable little bouquet of mixed flowers. "She'll love it," the florist assured him, assuming he was buying it for his significant other. He gave her a quick smile and got back into the car, driving home as fast as he could. When he reached home, his heart broke at the sniffle he heard.

"Kitten?" Y/N's head shot up at her husband's voice as she hurriedly wiped her tears, getting up from her spot on the couch. "Hi, welcome home," she whispered, giving him a quick peck on the lips, smiling widely to avoid being caught. "Hello, how was your day?" He wanted to sigh, to chide her for keeping her bad mood from him, but he only smiled at how cute she looked trying to hide her true feelings.

"It wasn't bad! So, shower first and dinner later or dinner first?"

Now was the time. "Kitten, the truth, please. How was your day?" He raised a stern eyebrow when her face fell. How does he always read me so well? Knowing she couldn't hide now, she hung her head low as her shoulders sagged. "It was bad," she muttered. Ransom pulled her close, her head resting on his chest, his chin atop her head. "What happened? I swear if it's those fucking coworkers of yours—"

Her silence gave him the answer. The thing is, when Ransom and Y/N had started going out, everyone in the city was shocked. A cute, innocent little thing like her dating an asshole like him? Why? She had lost quite a few friends when she told them, but Ransom was there for her. "You don't need them, you have me." He was right. While the world saw him as a first-class jerk, he was the softest soul with her.

Her priorities were always placed before his. He took care of her, treated her like no previous boyfriend of hers had, and within 2 years of dating, he had proposed. People were even more shocked. She managed to get him to settle down?! How?! Then the gossip began. "He has to be cheating, I mean look at him. Look at her," she had heard one time after the engagement. That had made her super upset.

"Ransom, they're talking… someone said you were cheating on me…" She had broken down on his chest that night, crying her eyes out. And Ransom had immediately switched off the television. He sat up, holding her close. "You know I'd never do that, angel. Why would I, when you're with me? Do you really think those women out there have the same effect on me that you do? Huh?"

"Well, they said… they said I was ugly."

"What?! Those fucking whores—"

"Ransom, don't call them that," she had chided, swatting his chest. He caught the hand and brought it to his lips, kissing each fingertip. "If it makes you feel better, no, I'm not cheating on you. I love you a little too much to do that. You mean the world to me, Y/N, there's no one on this planet I'd rather be with than you. And you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen, in and out," he told her sincerely.

Her crying ceased. "Thank you." And he held her close the entire night, rubbing her back as she slept on him. People talking about him? He could handle that, God knows he had been handling that for years. But them talking about her? His perfect, angelic, goddess-like fiancée? No, no, he wouldn't handle that. That whole thing was 4 years ago. People still talked.

"What did they say to you, Y/N?" he asked, coming back to the real world.

"They asked me why I was still with you." He exhaled loudly through his nose when Y/N's arms tightened around him. "I told them I loved you. You are nice, you're not what everyone says you are. But then Amy talked about… about how you used to be— what was the word she used? Oh, uh, yeah, she said you were something of a Casanova before you met me. But I told her that was over."

His arms snaked around her waist, his fingers gently dancing over her hips as she continued speaking. "She insisted that people can't just change over a small period of time. I tried ignoring her but then she started gossiping with someone else about you. And then I snapped at her. But you know me…" Ransom hummed, pressing his lips to her forehead.

His wife had a docile soul. Everything from her looks to her mannerisms was soft. She couldn't yell, she couldn't tell people off— she was too pure to do that. The world needed people like her, to be honest. That was also one of the things he liked about her. Sometimes, he thought about how beneficial it would be for her to hold her own in a fight, but his ego shoved the thought down each time.

He liked being her big protector. He loved taking care of her like that. "Yes, I know, angel. You're too good for this world, you know that?" he mumbled, slightly pulling away from her so he could cup her face, looking into her eyes. She huffed and looked away. "I'm too soft. I can't help it. I don't want to be this way." He chuckled and leaned over to kiss her. "Oh no, you should definitely be this way."

"Why?"

"Because it suits you. Don't change for people who don't even care about you. I like you like this; gentle, caring… you have the biggest heart in the world, Y/N. And I want to keep it that way. Don't let people ruin your innocence. Keep being you." He pressed her closer when she started sniffling again. "You're too good to me," she pouted and he laughed. "That's my duty as your husband, kitten. Look, I bought flowers."

He took out the bouquet from his bag, smiling when Y/N's eager hands accepted it. "Thank you! Oh, these are so beautiful! Let me replace the flowers in the vase on the dining table!" Squealing, she walked away from him, leaving him to stare after her with an infatuated smile. You have no idea what you do to me, angel.

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"Night, Ran," Y/N yawned, keeping her phone away. He held his arm up and Y/N snuggled into his side, allowing him to wrap his arm around her side. "Night, sweetheart," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her nose. He watched TV for some time until the match got boring; then he switched it off and carefully lay down on the bed, about to doze off when Y/N's phone rang. He blinked. Who'd be calling at his hour?

He lifted the phone off the nightstand, grimacing when he saw the Caller ID. Amy. As soon as he picked the phone up, Amy started blabbering. "Hi! Sorry I'm calling so late, Y/N, but I wanted to apologize for how I spoke to you at work today. It was wrong of me, really, I hope you can forgive me!" Ransom stayed silent, his jaw clenched. He had been hearing that line for years.

"Ransom, it's okay, she apologized, she won't be doing it again. She told me so herself!"

It was never the last time.

"Are you done?" he snapped and Amy froze on the other side. "M-Mr Drysdale—" "Listen, I don't want to hear it. I'm not Y/N; she has a heart of gold, God, I wonder why I let her hang out with people whose hearts are made of pure shit. How many times have you apologized for the same thing, huh? Using my girl's pure heart to your fucking advantage like that?"

"You're being—"

"I'm being what? I'm being rude? Who started it? If you ever mention our marriage in front of Y/N again, I'll have your fucking head." Amy bristled on the other side. "Are you threatening me?" Ransom smirked. "If you don't want to be threatened, I suggest you keep your nose out of other people's business. What mine and Y/N's relationship is like is no one's concern."

Amy stayed silent. "Gossiping won't get you anywhere. I have the best lawyers in the city, and I swear, if Y/N comes crying to me one more time about how someone was rude to her, I'll sue. Trust me, I will take legal action. Is that understood?" Amy quaked at his menacing tone. "Y-Yes, sir." Ransom's lips curled into a devious smile. "Great." And he ended the call.

"Ransom, who was that?" Y/N sleepily murmured next to him. She hadn't heard a word of the conversation, but could tell he was on the phone. "No one you need to worry about, sweetheart, go to sleep. I'm here." He lay down next to her, pulling her close. "You know, I have a question." He nodded at her to go on. "How do you always know when I'm going to be in a bad mood?"

"What do you mean?" he smiled, knowing exactly what she meant. "I mean, I have been wondering for years! Everytime I happen to be in a bad mood, you bring home a gift. It's like— it's like you can read my mind! How?! It can't be a coincidence, it has happened a lot of times for it to be a coincidence," she rambled and Ransom's heart fluttered at how innocent and adorable she looked.

"I have my ways," he teased, lightly poking her nose. "You're not gonna tell me, are you?" she pouted and he couldn't help but lean forward, pressing his lips to hers. "Nope, just so I can keep surprising you." She giggled, snuggling further into his arms until her face was pressed into his bare chest. "I love you so much, Ransom," she whispered. "I love you more, my sweet little angel."

Both of them went to sleep with giddy smiles on their faces.

Oh, and the Spotify thing? That was his little secret. Shh, don't tell anyone!

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A/N: Leave a like if you enjoyed, thanks for reading!