#like actual places and stores
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i lov planning outfits the same way i love drawing diagrams for rearranging furniture. its plotting and scheming
#I GOT THOSE BROWN CORDUROY SLACKS FOR THREE DOLLARS AT A LOCAL THRIFT STORE IT WAS AWESOME#i love smaller more local thrift places. they are so kind and the prices are so good#im puzzling because my lucy and yak pants are stuck in the post during the strike and i realized i only own 1 pants (grunge jeans)#and i get all excited about what im gonna wear to family christmas stuff cus its one of the few times i get to dress up like. FOR people#i love looking classy and gay in front of my grandmother in law who hates me. its so good. its so epic#AND i love looking classy and gay for the family that will actually compliment me. my mom loves me dressing up#cus i grew up soooo resistant to like dresses and what she wanted me to wear until i figured out im a guyyy#now that im doing my own thing shes very encouraging abt my own sense of style yaayaya i love my moommm#my art tag
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i saw the terminal glow
okay,, merry late christmas whoops and goodnightt !! ALSO, thank you everybody for the insane reception on the first post!!, and also check out the donations/gfms on my main page for people in palestine/gaza who are in need! i cant donate, so spreading it around's the best i can do to help <3 ! donate if you can n share it around!
#ULTRAKILL#mirage ultrakill#ultrakill mirage#KRITA#MS PAINT#ALL ART#FANDOM ART#DOODLE#PRACTICE#FULL COLOUR#NO COLOUR#THE GEIGER COUNTER#SMALL CAPTION#EDIT FOR IMAGE ERRORS#EDIT FOR MISSING TAGS#TAG YAP#sorry about sleepy mirage i know its kinda scuffed :-( wuomp sfx#anyway okay so uh#mirage is my fav now#something i didnt expect actually#also a little goodie is that mirage and v1'll have head wires that literally spell out VI / V1#can you see it#v2 will have#well#theirs will be shaped like a VII#does that make any sense even#i hope it does LOL#the pink basket -comma- is from that warehouse store place i mentioned in my first mirage post! but not the stuff inside#Goodies are: Rice balls/Onirigi - Meiji Apollo Strawberry Chocolate - Hanamo Moromi#mirage is eating raw egg and rice in the top right
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In the last eight years or so -- which means it's not just COVID-related issues -- I've lost my favorite local coffee house, my favorite local bookstore, my favorite local quirky restaurant, AND my favorite local Irish pub with the 1916 Easter Rising mural, and now I'm about to lose my favorite local secondhand clothing shop. 😭
#pretty much all of them have to do with an inability to pay the sharply rising cost of rent in this area#the clothing store owner is an 80yo woman who never remembers me lmao but she's very nice and has excellent fashion taste#the bookstore employees actually wanted to collectively buy the business from the owner but the owner said no#because he also owned the building and thought he could make more by renting it out to another business#joke's on him the place has been empty for several years now since he killed his own bookstore SUCK MY DICK MOTHERFUCKER#not unrelatedly now that my dad has officially inherited the house from my late grandmother the county has reappraised the property#and we're anxiously waiting for confirmation of the annual tax to see if we can pay it :/ two attorneys have told us to expect#an increase of like 8-12k/year 😭 and yet california's democratic supermajority failed to pass rent caps 🤡💀#hound barks
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soft launching an outfit at the grocery store
#it’s the perfect place for a trial run; only a short time if u suddenly realize u’re selfconscious as fuck with whatever u put together at#the comfort of ur own home#bc I keep making bad outfits that I’d have to keep thinking abt for like years after if I ever wore them to any actual place#which the grocery store obv isn’t#march 2024#2024
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i need to buy another lighter and also dramamine and maybe a keychain
#mental illness shopping list#probably wont buy a key chain because capitalism#i also need to go to the shop where god spoke to me and they sell lighters AND maybe dramamine so 3 birds one stone except...#actually its like 4 birds because i also gotta give my friend their gift and im going to drag them to the shop with me#theres more then just that shop there theres a boba place and like a book store and also super intimidating military recruitment centre#the doors are always locked and the window coverd in these photos of military shit like look how cool and awesome we are as i give this...#underweight African kid a vaccine that definitely is not chemical warefare or an experiment!#(they did that atleast once probably more i just only read about the one time they did that) (thing it was jn sourh America tho not africa)#(idk)#tw drugs
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I absolutely LOVE the Squirtle/Wartortle illustrations by kantaro in Pokemon 151!
The Squirtle jumping so joyfully from the rock into the ocean, the colors are STUNNING! I love the contrast of the Squirtle's aqua blue framed in the vivid orange sky, the soft bit of blue reflecting in its shell and its tail just catching the sun, how little and squishy its body looks as it launches itself towards the water with such tremendous excitement!
The lineless style of the background gives me the feel of a travel poster and I sense the tropical environment around it from the rocks and trees framing the corners, the waterfall splashing with as much energy as the Squirtle!
The layered blues on the surface of the water and the bubbles rising at the corner make me FEEL the liquid rising to meet the Squirtle--I can just feel how the next moment it's going to break through and be immersed in a cool island swim!
And the Wartortle running along the sunset beach, this is somehow everything I always imagined for Wartortle! I adore the way the rich purple melts into the warm red/orange sky, the matching purple clouds and shadows in the foreground, and how the dimming sunlight glows red on Wartortle's deep blues!
I love how the yellow and orange of the sky illuminate the lapping waves, I can just feel the gentle motion of the sea at dusk. The aqua color of the ocean matches Wartortle's ears and tail and sets off the red-orange sand, I just love how the colors are here!
Wartortle looks so round and squishy, I love its happiness as it goes frolicking through the shallows, chasing the bubbles caught in the setting sun! The shine and deep shadow on its shell give it an almost jewel texture like real tortoise shell; I love the silhouetted splash Wartortle leaves as it goes running across the shore. It's so full of energy and delight at the end of a gorgeous day! The colors in these are SO vivid and harmonized and the style is so cute and bursting with energy and joy. I just LOVE it (also Squirtle is my starter)
#pokemon#pokemon tcg#long post#i have deep affection for bulbasaur as well though and i also love the bulbasaur/ivysaur cards in this set#i SO wish we'd gotten art of the final evolutions in the same style as the pre-evos' standard cards!!#(yes i do love the full art ones but i also love the illustrations on the standard cards!)#from the way the settings in these two were going; i would have imagined blastoise to be set at night (??)#i LOVE pokemon cards. i can't keep up with every set but i started collecting again now and then a few years ago#and 151 has really got me wanting the full set the way i haven't since childhood. SO many beautiful illustrations (but there always are)#it's like having little pieces of art of my favorite characters and it's only.. slightly... less expensive than actually commissioning ....#i KNOW it's less expensive to buy the individuals online but it's so much less fun#part of the fun is having YOUR own pokemon journey ((going to the store)) and seeing what YOU encounter ((when you open the pack))#i do buy them online sometimes but i usually dont form as strong associations with them as when i open a pack in a certain setting or place#i tend to try to save them to open right before a significant event like starting something new or a holiday. so that i form associations#and it's like 'oh that's the galarian obstagoon from when my mom came home for christmas'#and 'that's the snorlax who reassured me when i was hurt'#i don't buy them too often so i've got to make it count#anyway i know i should wait for the prices on this one to come down because it's absolutely ridiculous#i didn't buy anything at release because i was like $6 for one booster pack??? but i couldn't take just sitting and watching them sell out#i really like the poster because i can look at so many beautiful pictures all together#i could say stuff like this about literally every pokemon illustration (if i had time to write it out) and sometimes i've wanted to#i just chose these two because these are a couple of my original favorite pokemon and i just couldn't keep it to myself. i LOVE these
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(╥﹏╥)
#We've had our yearly secret santa gifts exchange at my dorm and I've been gifted the first volume of Beast 😭😭😭😭😭#I'm crying forever. This december marks three years since I've watched the first b/sd episode#and yet this is the first time I actually own a b/sd manga volume. Like I own it and I can read it whenever I want!!! How cool is that!!!!!#Like there's so many Akutagawa images in it!!!! It's insane!!!!!!!! AND IT'S BEAST AT THAT#I'm deeply moved because I never spoke about it to virtually anyone here (at my dorm)?#Like I suppose a bunch of people vaguely know I like anime but only a couple of close friends know I like. Like-like reading manga lol.#And the person who gifted it DEFINITELY didn't know I like anime in general much less b/sd specifically much less Beast in particular!!!!!#I'm 100% sure (they just arrived this year and we hadn't even had that much occasions to talk to each other).#Which means they went through the trouble of gathering intel from my close friends about what I like and actually follow through‚#seek for the specific manga in a comic store etc... It's such a nice gesture I'm so heartwarmed.#And of course I'm glad for every gift I've received in the last years (genuinely)‚ but the fact that this was the most *specific* to what–#I like. It makes it so special! They were so kind.#There must be one (1) person in this whole 60 people dorm who knows I like Beast–#(that would be the girl who introduced b/sd to me in the first place) and the fact that they asked them for it...#I feel both very grateful and lucky lol#When I unwrapped it!!! Like I thought it was just a random book which would have been nice but like!!!!!#When I actually saw through the thin paper the cover!!!! The scream I screamed in my head#Anyways!!!! I own a b/sd manga now!!!!! I've only got time to go through the first chapter so far but it's suchhhh an experience.#It's like reading it for the first time again 😭😭😭 Half because the translation is so much different than the English one lol.#And I basically know the English version by heart. Half because I never saw this kind of high quality!!!!! It's!!!!! Insane!!!!! Like!!!!!!#I'm crying 😭😭😭 The drawings are so sharp and crisp (in the good way). The lines are so clean there's no disturbance at all#I literally never saw anything so good in my life I'm crying a little. I'm so so glad they blessed me with Beast specifically#The takebon edition is pretty cheap (it's just planet manga so there's no color illustrations or dust cover or anything unfortunatelly.#But to make up for it the volumes are significantly cheaper then let's say J-Pop)#There's also some unique typesetting choices? The text from the book-like boxes is in lowercase which is interesting!#Initially I thought I wouldn't have liked the translation (opening it randomly there was Akutagawa saying “crepa!” (“die!”) to Dazai in ch1#Which was kinda jarring since it's very low register and everyone knows Akutagawa has very complex speech patterns.)#But actually reading it I'm really enjoying the translation so far!!!!#There's so many choices that made me grasp details I actually missed all the times I've read the English translation.#That is to say! Very excited to read it!!!! Will probably make a review / translation commentary if I can find the time!!!!!
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went to a comic store today and saw individual issues of idw sonic in person for the first time ever btw . epic win
#not that ive never been to a comic shop before its just the only.one thats anywhere near me#is one i didnt know existed until like a year ago because its in a weird spot#and their hours are very incompatible with the days/times im actually able to go around shopping#and ive also been to other places that sell comics they just never hvae idw sonic#ANYWAYS i got to go today and they had sonic yayyy . and i also got an issue of monster high new scaremester#because ive really been wanting to read that one and havent been able to find it online like . at all. nobody is archiving that thing ....#i only got issue 2 though because they were out of issue 1#and i didnt have a single chance to check for issue 1 when it came out. because of the previously mentioned scheduling curse#nervous that i actually spent money on it because idk if im even gonna like it#ive heard mixed reviews on it and the book that its a continuation of . but fuck it we ball#also if this store carries sonic idk how i never saw it before because i Have been a couple times in the past#maybe they just now started getting it recently?? or just happened to be out the last few times?? idk
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#i???????? think???????????? i got??????????????? the job????????????????????#FVGHJKHBJ i didnt even expect a manager to be there like i was just stopping by this place to get an email address since their website#isnt up yet and she was like!!!! lets step outside and talk right now actually!!!!!!!!#AND IT WENT WELL???????????????????#i originally only wanted part time but shes like hey i have full time for $15/hour plus commission. and i was like. well okay!!!!!!!!!#so im???? going in tomorrow for training????? FGHJKJHJ its all paid but its mostly just for me to see the store/meet everyone/see how i do#but im so happy actually like i love this place. high end brazilian store known for its ecoconsciousness which is!!!! fucking awesome!!!!!!#i will be the only brazilian actually working there so im the token portuguese speaker but kkjsdefd thats fine. bitch we celebrating!!!!!!#personal
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wait this is myyyy third? betta that was just given to me bc it sucks and is ugly. As an adult, I've never paid money for a betta fish. Tbf I didn't pay for the ones my parents kept when I was like 4-5 but those were still formative creatures in my life and I assume they were paid for.
#Puppy and worm were both acquired by going into a mom and pop shop and saying hey this thing is basically dead#can i get a discount if i wave the returns policy and what not?#(like it helps that ive cleaned tanks in both of these stores and was already a regular at them at the time of purchase for sure.)#and Nipy i got via emailing a guy in Houston saying 'your fish are beautiful and i trust your genetics are as good as your fish look'#'can i buy dome of your actual trash bc my garbage fish i get on discount make my heart happy but are not set up to live long lives'#and they guy said sure just pay shipping bc this thing was legit going to end up a feeder bc of all the xare hes going to need#nipy self amputated his fins because he didn't like how the water felt pulling on them so i had to do daily water changes instead of run#a filter and his tank only had soft fake flowers from michaels and that was enough to get him to cut it out.#idk man the only animals i have ever intentionally went out of my way to plan for and acquire were my first two cats#literally every other pet just. Showed up in my life. usually because their previous owner realized how hard it was to care for them#and dumped them when they were already half dead on Me. Age 8 and onwards.#Cardio i did intentionally acquire but that was less me wanting a cat and mote me wanting to prevent this 6 week old kitten i found#under my van getting ran over.#Literally everyone in my life thought i was going to keep that rabbit#but no!!!!! I Dont Have A Livable Place for a Person.#that is the only reason animals haven't gotten dumped on me in the last five years#The fish's ecosystem is easy enough to keep steady and my cats have heat admiters but all my actual animal care stuff is in boxes
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I dunno what it says about me but when i saw the saw eating i really thought it was eating puto?!? like egg did not cross my mind.
it means its time to bust out the steamer and lil medicine cups my friend we gotta get cooking .....
#snap chats#thats a thing everyone does right. my mom would collect medicine caps-#yk when she actually bought medicine. actually that was prob my dad he's always been hyper concerned bout our health but anyway-#and she'd store them and when i wanted to make puto she was like 'yeah just fill the caps with the batter'#i fear that does work ... theyre just the right size imo .... you could always use muffin trays tho- i think thats what people usually use.#actually i have no idea where all those medicine cup caps went. brb checking the pantry#ok found them they were right next to the mini bamboo steamer i bought last year#and incidentally the cups are the perfect size for it .... very good to know ... hehe ..#i actually have no idea why she began collecting them in the first place she's never made puto#idk. i think hoarding/collecting things we Debatably need is just in our genes ... thanks grandma. ... anyway#ok daily mom/grandma shade over bye bye
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Y'know, there's literally no situation where "feminine products" is a better alternative than just labeling the period section either "menstruation products" or "period products", and I'm tired of pretending this game of dodgeball is even remotely rational.
#before anybody says “b-b-but the mention of periods is inappropriate or uncomfortable!!!! think of the boys and men!!! waah!!!”#(<- btw this actually what you sound like from an outside perspective)#i would like to point out that about 50% of the population will or has experienced periods#everybody over the age of fifteen knows this is a thing that happens#if you're really *that* uncomfortable about a normal bodily function.. then you're a child who needs to reflect and find better priorities#menstruation#menstrual period#trans boy#pet peeve#menstrual products#period products#>#feminine products#annoyed posting#transgender#i'm half tempted to go into every store that has a “feminine product” section and place a sticker that reads “period” over the word feminine#come to think of it.. this is probably the reason why the universe made me so short
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How would I go about explaining my posts on here to my dad? Do I openly admit that i've pretty much used this account like it's a diary, where I can gain validation for my ideas and empathy for my stress? Because I think that's sort of how I treat social media (or well, i still hate social media as a concept. But it's how I treat my stuff on here). It's like a diary with an audience, I guess. As a kid, I always wanted to be able to share my ideas (mostly because i knew i didn't have the writing skills to do anything beyond plot them). And I always have had a problem where I only ever shared my stressors to my dad and my therapist. And I'm betting that was unhealthy (although not as unhealthy as bottling it up). So now I have a third place to share my troubles, and I think it (along with my 7-8 sessions of the online social skills class), have actually led to me becoming slightly more social. Not much more. But more than I was when I was 14 or 15, at least.
That was all a long, long tangent. Really, what I was trying to get at here is: How do I explain my 15,000+ posts on here to my dad? And how do I do it without either screwing up my phrasing, or working myself into a nervous breakdown about it all? That's somewhat hyperbolic language, but I think you get my point.
#i really do just use this place to store my vents and my ideas#and my thoughts#it almost is like a diary#which is funny#because i never had one of those#but still#how do i tell my dad about all of this someday?#thinking#overthinking#my thoughts#asd#autism#neurodivergent#autistic#adhd#actually autistic#audhd#vent#vents#rambling#ramblings#rambles#my tumblr account#tumblr
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Didn't felt like mentioning it immediately but shoutout to my sick and twisted brain for getting so triggered by an unexpected Christmas parade that I ended up havin the absolute worst panic attack of my entire life (potentially the only real one? I've had a couple other episodes I thought of as panic attacks but they were not even close to that so who knows) to the point where I spent the very last day of my 30th year on this earth in the ER, good times, good times 😊
#that was 10 days ago and i honestly was fine immediately after it ended so don't worry for me <3#but yeah this shit was crazy holy hell#like i knew intellectually that 'feeling like you're dying' is a symptom of a panic attack but *actually* feeling it is another thing...#and even at the worst i was like 'ok i'm clearly having a panic attack it's not nice but it's gonna be ok'#but there was a piece of my brain that was like 'ok but what if your mom or grandma had told themselves that...'#'when they were having heart attack? They would have died and so will you 😊'#and i was like shit can't argue with that better get my ass to the hospital before i die#spoiler alert: i didn't died#ironically enough the revolting state of our healthcare system is lowkey what helped me calmed the fuck down#because i was tiny but i do remember when my mom had her heart attack and they sure as hell didn't let her wait for 7h+#so when i realized that this is what was gonna happen after i spent a brief moment with a nurse i was just like...oh i'm fine actually lol#and then i had to go take the bus in my fake crocs that i usually never wear outside of the house smh#interestingly enough my phobia of hospital seems to have competely disappear! which makes me believe that it was more a trauma response#than an actual phobia#not that the name changes that much but still interesting development#also no i'm not wearing a mask because nobody gave me one#that's actually one of the thing that made me leave lmao#oh and btw the christmas parade is true but also a bit more complex than that#basically i had a full sleepless night and i was mad so i decided to go buy myself some weed#turned out that there was a huge christmas parade 5 minutes away from the weed store so i hade to find another way#and then i got lost on the way back#and saw no less than 3 big fights between different homeless people#including one man randomly kicking another man's dog (which kinda really messed with me tbh)#and then i smoked a big joint (first one in like 10 days) with 0 sleep and zero food in my body#and then i took the bus#and then the bus driver yelled at an elderly man for not waiting at the right place#and then i took a sip of water and for some truly strange reason my brain decided that the water had gone in my lungs#and that i was actively drowning#and the rational part of me was like...girl that's not what drowning feels like what are you even talking about??#and then my brain went 'well if we're not drowning than we're having a heart attack'
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slowly. but surely. cleaning out. my fucking room.
#theres just. a lot of stuff 😭😭😭😭😭#part of it is simply furniture and organising (i lost a bookshelf in the move and im realising#that if i still had it/one then a lot of stuff wouldnt be on the ground)#but. a not insignificant part i simply need to get rid of#if it were easy as throwing it away thats one thing...#but like. eg. i have so so much fabric. i cant throw that shit out but what do i do with it??? 😭😭😭😭#and so so much yarn...#which im already trying to use up but all thats done is having me leave half done projects lying around💀#kind of accepted i probably wont be making paper again so getting rid of a lot of paper scraps#might repurpose the box id been using to store the papermaking stuff...#there is just a LOT#but even cleaning/tidying small parts is good... oughhhh#you might wonder. what finally brought u to actually starting to clean.#the answer is. have been killing roaches#so one. too many fucking places for them to hide#two. my dad was planning on fumigating and its probably better to have a room thats easier to move things around#also re things like fabric like i KNOW theres options eg donating. selling. fabric swap or whatever#but thats EFFORT to actually set up 💀#anyways discovering brand new places i didnt know existed on fb marketplace
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just a few little bits from the past few days
#both the word count screenshots are from the same day - just different sections of the text. so that was like 4000 words in#one DAY.. huzzah!! (< making up for the fact that I did 0 words the 3 days before that lol.. so its not actually an accomplishment ghjjh)#In renpy I think you can have multiple separate texty cody whatever documents and still jump between them so long as they;re#labeled properly. Rather than like... having one extremely long 60.000 line file where in some places youre in a menu within a menu#within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu jhbhj#But that was the way I started doing it lke 5 years ago when I actually made the base of everything so I feel like it'd be too much#work to change it all that dramatically now. But that means I cant just get the word count for the whole document I just have#to jump around to the few sections I worked on and highlight them to get the word count for only that portion#.. the one tiny fraction of the whole monster text wall. Though it is of course spaced out and organized into#clearly labeled sections within that because otherwise I have trouble discerning text on a screen. still.#Resuming a project that's been basically abandoned for 4-5 ish years is just always finding weird stuff like.. why did I do this that way..#why did I write that... why did I organize that in this manner... what the hell am I referencing in this note... etc. lol#Anyway... also......................cat with plum on his head.#everyone point and laugh at mr. plum head boy..!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:3c#I've been obsessed with Calico Critters' social media presence from afar (like how I mentioned one of my possible dream jobs would#be to be the person that sets the scenes and arranges all the toy animals at a tiny little table and etc. to take the type of pictures they#post on their facebook page and stuff) and I see all their photos of them posing the rabbits as if they're in a swimming pool#or on a nature hike or etc. etc. BUT I have never really seen them in person. Recently I was at a store (in a KN95 mask and not staying#very long still of course. wastewater covid levels are still high where I live (and most of the US truly)) and it just crossed my mind#to actually go to the toy section and see if I could find any....wow.... Its like meeting a celebrity.. the Latte Cats....#Of course I didnt buy them because they're like... very expensive?? like $25 - $40 just for one little pack of a few critters like#what is shown. but.... I still got to see them................ my beloved.. I want their outfits... T o T#Oh and then lastly just a pot of purple clover looking things. I just think theyre neat lol#photo diary
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