#i really do just use this place to store my vents and my ideas

[wanderingmind867]

How would I go about explaining my posts on here to my dad? Do I openly admit that i've pretty much used this account like it's a diary, where I can gain validation for my ideas and empathy for my stress? Because I think that's sort of how I treat social media (or well, i still hate social media as a concept. But it's how I treat my stuff on here). It's like a diary with an audience, I guess. As a kid, I always wanted to be able to share my ideas (mostly because i knew i didn't have the writing skills to do anything beyond plot them). And I always have had a problem where I only ever shared my stressors to my dad and my therapist. And I'm betting that was unhealthy (although not as unhealthy as bottling it up). So now I have a third place to share my troubles, and I think it (along with my 7-8 sessions of the online social skills class), have actually led to me becoming slightly more social. Not much more. But more than I was when I was 14 or 15, at least.

That was all a long, long tangent. Really, what I was trying to get at here is: How do I explain my 15,000+ posts on here to my dad? And how do I do it without either screwing up my phrasing, or working myself into a nervous breakdown about it all? That's somewhat hyperbolic language, but I think you get my point.

[heartshapedcigaretteburns]

Ex!Gaz who's still in love with you:/

(Look at my handsome boy💞)

Ex bf! Gaz who never wanted the relationship to end in the first place but you just couldn't handle how little time you got to spend together. He fought tooth and nail to try and make you stay but it wasn't enough. When that doesn't work he tries convincing you to stay friends but you know deep down that wouldn't work out so you reject the idea. 

Ex bf! Gaz who low-key stalks you. I mean is it really stalking if he means well? He just wants to ensure you're doing okay so he keeps tabs on you. Initially, he maintains his distance by checking your social media, but gradually, he starts appearing in the places you frequent, coincidentally running into you at the grocery store or gym more often than usual.

Ex bf! Gaz who worms his way back into your life subtly. Getting more involved with your mutual friends so that they invite him along to outings he knows you'll be at. In every group setting he manages to stay at your side despite how hard you try to get rid of him.

Ex bf! Gaz who is ecstatic when you warm up to the idea of remaining friends but he doesn't stop there. He's desperate to make you see that you're meant to be with him. He firmly believes that he was destined to marry you and grow old with you and he just doesn't understand why you can't accept that. In his eyes, you are his fate, his ultimate destiny.

Ex bf! Gaz who can't cope when you start going on dates with other people. Nobody else is deserving of you. You're meant to be going on dates with him, holding his hand, smiling at him. In his mind, no one else can treat you the way he can.  Sooooo naturally he resorts to sabotaging your love life. He'll find a way to make every new potential partner suddenly change their mind about dating you. And when you get stood up for the third time, he's there to hold you and comfort you, offering solace. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were convinced that this new guy actually felt something for you. Things were going great - you had been on a few dates and really hit it off. It wasn't anything like what you and Kyle had but it was a step in the right direction. 

However, everything changed when he stood you up at the restaurant, leaving you waiting for 40 minutes without responding to your numerous texts. Finally, he replies, but the message crushes you.

"Sorry, I'm not coming tonight. I don't think this is going to work out."

Your entire body crumbles inward and you shrink into the booth as you process those words. You desperately tried to text back and ask what went wrong, but he had already blocked you. What a dick.

You apologize to the staff for the inconvenience, collect your belongings, and start walking home. As you left the fancy establishment, hot tears streamed down your face. It didn't take long for a familiar car to slow down beside you. 

“Why are you walking alone so late, love? C’mon, hop in.” Kyle spoke with a caring tone that both comforted and hurt you.

As much as you wish he wasn't so comforting, you find solace in his presence. You felt disappointed, frustrated, humiliated, and above all, unlovable. It's only natural you fall into his reassuring company.

You allow yourself to get into his car and let him drive you home while you sob pathetically and pour your little heart out. You're not even certain he can understand you with the intense blubbering you're doing but he can, he always can. He listens to you vent to him, gently rubbing your exposed thigh until you get it all out.

“God am I just not desirable enough? It seems like nobody wants me." You cried softly, your voice hoarse. 

He pulls into the driveway of what used to be your shared house.

“You're incredibly desirable, lovie. Anyone would be lucky to have you, he's just an idiot. He doesn't deserve you anyways." Kyle reassures you as he guides you inside to show you just how desirable you truly are. 

Okay this idea I've been toying with in my brain a lot lately and I think I executed it pretty well but let me know what you guys think. Hope you enjoyed! Ignore spelling and grammar errors though 😽😽😽

[gazeofseer]

☘️Happy Ganesh🌸

🌸Chaturthi ☘️

For those who are unaware 'Ganpathi' means a God with elephant head and all the qualities of an elephant and human transcending into a divine being by balancing, embracing, and growing the intellect he endeared yet evolved all kinds of contrasts and contradictions ina state where better solutions and vigilance strives for the well being of all.

We in India celebrate his Idol by placing it out house to bring his divine presence to be with for a couple of days and when we send off the idol we make sure all things during these days we felt is rest assured with him and we as a life are under his grace of love.

After a sail through the starting months of energetic shifts and transformation that has shaped us to walk through this new space during the starting off September there calls for new opportunities, new prosperity, new fortunes and much more what is store in for you find out.

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Pick one of the piles from the above pictures

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Pile 1.

There is some kind of despair you are not sad about not ungrateful touchwood not anything seems horrible out there but something feels unsettled, unclear and more of hopeless inside, peculiar of a situation replay, an emotional skit, a thought came but never made it till throat, something which is holding you back seems to root within.

Signs : You are punishing yourself sub consciously for everything you did like why, what, when and how, the question you presume to be someone's opinion but what if I say it is your very own voice? Being your own worst hater where you keep questioning your existence again and again leaves you despair.

Messages from Lord Ganesha :

- Stop questioning and start accepting

- Hate is just the thing least loved love it more and you see the embrace.

- It's okay sorrow is not to cut off it is to settle in well somewhere it hurts the least.

- Eat well, drink well, well being lies in action not in ideas.

Blessings :

'I am always with you, one day away the faith in you is me I lie in there no need to preach my way to temple, look one I gave you to live in' 🛕✨

- Justice will be served you would be given a chance to express your feelings to more people through blog, article.

- It will be unexpected because it has to do with your career.

- I feel you are working media some or the other where fingers are at work.

- The exhaustion is coming from a place where you are thinking of yourself as an weight.

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Pile.2

You are very good at trying to be happy, and I really really appreciate your effort even after the disgrace, or disappointment no fake laughs you actually learned the hard way to get up and move to a pace where it feels natural for you to laugh better boundaries allow you to make greater choices for yourself.

Signs : Okay, you have accepted this that people are going to be upset no matter how much you love or be kind to them you realised they got a excuse to point your flaws then to find a way to love it, you chose yourself with scars instead of expecting from people to accept yours and badge that for you.

Messages from Lord Ganesha :

- Your nerve hurts especially when it hurts and you behave like it doesn't is good but sometimes take it maybe it's something not hurt but important for you to address.

- You are sometimes prone to autopilot and see it as a go with the flow but no there is a difference in one you are dead walking to the ways, to find something new while the other is being awake when you are new yourself.

Blessings :

- It will break with a tower moment you are going to vent to yourself or to someone about the above mentioned issue because it is causing some severe headaches and it drops.

- Elephant has a restless mind, hence it is playful you must learn to give in, live where and with hat you are and still not get restless with why it is longer? Or settle around it as an end.

- There no end await, and what awaits is another beginning so walk in..walk in with your life.

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Pile.3

Yearning? For what..I started with questions because you seem to have a lot but somewhere don't you know the answers? I see you have to make some decisions and you are clear but things around you seems to fall to you but what if they fall into their reality, yes some people around are trying to intervene and interfere more obviously making them special to you on their own but you know they are not.

Signs : Cold shoulders, Feminine..glares, something eyes, did you stalked and done some research around? Good! You are a good spy in real life.

Messages from Lord Ganesha :

- Do not worry about the fall, you have to fly because I am here by your side to make sure everything is fine.

- Justice is what you seek but make sure it is never settled at cost of injustice make sure hurt is fine harm is not.

- Be careful with your words, somebody is here good at word play and what they say still use your words carefully especially about yourself.

Blessings :

- You will come out of the situation, but the hangover is needed for you to learn why all this happened for, so learn that and move on.

- You may shift, physically or your mental perception and state of being which will envelope you in the best possible way that will ground you so you can work through your fears.

- Foster new connections, network carefully, with people have a distant approach not everybody is second thinking about you not everyone is too concerned but when you are..it takes their attention towards you and you attract the drain cut this pattern.

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May God really bless you with grace and faith 🙏🏽

DM for Paid Readings 💝🌸

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[friesian]

my father is dead and i couldn't be happier.

the following is a sort of. reconciliation/vent post since i just got the news a few hours ago that my father died, and i finally feel like i can sort of talk about everything that happened to me as a child. for the first time. without the threat of potential violence. so. tw for neglect, abuse, parental death and honestly just. a lot. if you don't like the most stereotypical 'bad dad' shit, don't read this post.

my father was a cruel man. it was only until recently i was informed that my father used to actually shake me as a baby, no more than a few days old. when i was a few months old, he used to do the same to watch my 'funny reactions' and had to be actively reprimanded by aunt and mother in order to get him to stop lest i die a very sudden death.

when i was a little kid, my father i guess got this idea in his head that i was a little innocent flower and that if anything touched me, that'd be it. i'd be sullied. i'd be dirtied. somehow 'impure'. mind you, my father wasn't a religious man. really, honestly, the opposite. i wasn't allowed to talk about religion or god, explore spirituality, really have 'faith'. this would earn me hostile looks, a loud scolding, or called stupid. this also might displace onto my mom, who received it much worse than me.

when i was 7, my father made the move to go somewhere out into the deep west virginia mountains where i would never be in danger. except by him. we moved to a place where the closest store was 45 minutes by car, getting home from school was 35 minutes-- not counting school bus routes, that was up to 2-3 hours-- and there was not a single neighbor that could see the house nor talk to us. we were alone. for good. for over 11 years of my life i was alone in a house with a man who grew actively more and more hostile to being in that house. as i aged, tried to be a teenager, explore my gender, sexuality, ect. it was all shut down. my computer-- my only lifeline-- was bugged with spyware that allowed him to look at my screen and take control of anything i was doing. a vivid memory of mine is when i used to write fanfiction of innocent teenager things. kissing, holding hands, professions of love, the usual-- nothing explicit. at some point i was caught and had my computer thrown and i was screamed it. i could only run to my room and cry, and hope i wasn't chased. this left me with no sense of privacy, as any computer or technology i ever got passed through him, and as he was a engineer for networking, most things were bugged by him first as much as i tried to remove them. my mom suffered similarly to i, both of us being called slurs and having things thrown at us for existing in his radius. we walked on eggshells. we had no room to breathe. if we weren't in his general space, we were yelled at for avoiding him. if we were actually there, we were yelled at for laughing or even breathing too loud. there was no right answer. my friends never wanted to visit because of him, or he would often get mad at their parents for being 'flakes' or 'untimely', leading for me to be berated about my choice of friend. i wasn't allowed to go out unless it was with 'other girls', and i didn't have many friends to begin with due to the many social problems i faced due to his neglect. i grew up in that house, with many other issues i can't even begin to list, but i grew up and left as soon as i could, and didn't really do much. mostly just coasted by after dropping out of college that he pressured me to be in, lest i end up homeless. my mom divorced him shortly after i left due to being threatened with a gun, and at that point i was pretty sure he was officially off the deep end. this is sort of my 'getting it off my chest' moment as i was never able to speak out about what i faced in any regard due to him consistently monitoring my online presence. for all i know, he could've known about this blog-- choosing to hold onto it for some sort of legal proceeding as he had done to my mother. he tracked her car, recorded her calls, did everything he could to fuck her over. his father did something similar to him back in the 90s, and i needed to avoid it at all costs.

he never got the chance now. i never felt like i had a father, more like an angry dragon that guarded a tower with someone who didn't wanna be there. some sort of 'king' that transformed into a dragon, i suppose. but, i remember relating a lot to the imagery of people trapped in towers by beasts. i wanted to make a comic about it at one point. 11 years of solidarity does a lot to a motherfucker.

to this hour, i haven't shed a tear. i cheered and celebrated, put on my mask as i'm talking to the funeral home people, family, his friends, whatever it is. i've just been blaise and calm. i have to go back to my 'tower' this weekend and see it for the first time in years, now with the memory of my father dead seeped in those walls.

it's been a relief i didn't know i needed, but that house haunts me with the horrors that went on in it. i guess this is sort of my testimony to his life. i refuse to have a funeral. i refuse to have a memorial. he's being cremated and disposed of as soon as i can. i can already tell what little remains of his side of the family has an issue with it, but i don't care. they didn't live the life me and my mom had, and they never will now. for what it's worth, somehow, even though i was forged in fires that i don't think any man should go through-- it made me a more hardened and aware person. you get time to think when you're alone for 11 years. a lot of time to see emotions, patterns, understand, and just pick things apart. he never knew me, elf, he knew my dead name. and i'm thankful for that. i came out a good man all things considered, i have my flaws and issues, but who doesn't. but at least i never was like him. here's to getting out of the tower.

[boydepartment]

Hiloo can I request an angst to fluff where y/n comforts enha boys after a long tiring day. Thank you 🥰

hiiii of course!!!!! thank you for requesting 💓

Tiring days w/ Enhypen

warnings- none

lowercase intended

MASTERLIST

Jungwon-

it was a long day with absolutely nothing good coming out of it, for either of you. everything that could’ve went wrong- went wrong. so when jungwon practically begged you to come to the dorm, you did. you had no idea his day was just as bad as yours, but when he instantly hugged you as you opened the door, you knew. you guys ended up on his bunk watching random videos on youtube. eventually he fell asleep you smiled to yourself and allowed yourself to fall asleep not long after.

“you’re really pretty when you’re relaxed…”

Heeseung-

heeseung was screwing up left and right today. he didn’t know what was up with him and it was really messing with him. at certain points he let his brain wander with the thoughts of, “how’d i even become an idol?”

he got extremely down on himself, especially during a break where he was just sat leaning against a wall with his head down. heeseung had no clue that you were tasked with stopping by to drop off lunch. he was shocked when you shoved him lightly and gave him a small smile, heeseung instantly lit up. he hugged you tightly and thanked you. you had no clue what you did except bring lunch, but you weren’t complaining about seeing your boyfriend really happy to see you.

“thank you for lunch.”

“you’re welcome, it’s kinda my job to give you guys food though.”

“yeah but thank YOU!”

Jay-

his flight got delayed, he lost his favorite sunglasses, and to make matters WORSE the oven at home was acting up again. so even when jay got home with his members, he couldn’t even have a home cooked meal. he was extremely stressed and just angry with the past 24 hours. jay found himself dialing your number and starting to vent to you. as he talked about his day- which he didn’t do very often. he preferred hearing about your simple life more. you started to cook him and his brothers a home cooked meal. at the end of the phone call you invited them all over to your small but cozy abode. at the end of the night jay thanked you immensely and helped you with the dishes. he hugged you from behind and kept telling you how grateful he was for you.

“i don’t know what i’d do without you…”

“have shitty takeout?”

Jake-

it took a lot to get jake genuinely mad or upset. he’s very easy going so when you saw him at your door, distressed, disheveled, and exhausted- you let him in. jake trudged his way to your couch and flopped down face first. you followed him and sat down next to him, he immediately wrapped his arms around you and got situated. silently you put on one of those more calm commentary videos. you saw him slowly relax as he held onto you and watched the information that was being played on the tv. at some point jake started playing with your hands absentmindedly, you smiled to yourself.

“long day?”

“yeah….”

“wanna talk about it?”

“not right now… just wanna relax with you.”

Sunghoon-

sunghoon didn’t loathe solo projects. he didn’t like them per-say, but he’d still do them if asked. that’s how he found himself memorizing lines for some MC event. he already didn’t really want to do it, so memorizing a long script was practically torture to him. but a jobs a job. sunghoon had texted you saying he was going to be late on responses due to this script. you knew he was stressed by the way he was texting- so being the good partner you are you picked up some fun things from the store and headed over to the building. when you got to sunghoon he had his head down on the table. you smiled seeing him, your heart couldn’t help it. you placed the bag of goods down and he looked up at you.

and there was your now rejuvenated sunghoon.

“what’s all this? a wind up penguin?”

“i just picked up random stuff i thought you’d find funny.”

Sunoo-

how could SOMEONE in the dorm use all of his moisturizer?? who needed all that moisturizer. let alone the one HE paid for? sunoo was mad- livid- he wanted to crush the world with his bare hands. all he wanted to do when he got home after a stressful day was do skincare and go to bed. but he couldn’t apparently. sunoo immediately texted you right when it happened and the second you got the text you went to the nearest store to pick him up more moisturizer plus some other self care things. you showed up at his door with the gifts and did some skin care with eachother.

“can you BELIEVE IT THOUGH? THEY USED MY STUFF- ALL OF IT.”

“that is SO ridiculous we need to interrogate them.”

Riki-

riki had overworked himself again, but not in a “oh i’ll just rest and do it tomorrow.” way. when dancing he landed wrong. it wasn’t serious but he definitely pulled something in his leg and it was just an irritation to move. what made it worse, was jungwon found out and told him to take a day off. so now riki felt like he was slacking and he was alone at the dorms. he was embarrassed and didn’t want to talk to anyone.

and of course, jungwon told you. at first riki wouldn’t open the door when you showed up, until you yelled and he let you in. riki didn’t want to talk about what happened, he just wanted you around him. so that’s what you did, as he played games or watched something. you watched with him. you like being around him too so it was a win-win.

“isn’t this boring for you?”

“no, i like watching you play games. especially when you get all frustrated when you don’t win against the ai. it’s cute.”

“cute?! i’m playing on HARD MODE I SHOULD BE IMPRESSING YOU.”

[seeminglydark]

1. would caro and john be into the tv show, the x-files? would they buy tapes of the episodes and talk about their own conspiracies and guess about the outcomes of the episodes.

2. also your comic has help peak my interest for the supernatural and conspiracy theories. what are some stories or theories that you’ve learned about that you have found the most interesting? and were you a believer before starting your comics or has your interest grown as you’ve continued with your comics.

3.lastly, i’m trying to buy more secondhand items and become the diy punk that i’ve aspired to be since high school (too afraid since i was a closeted trans man and living with an unaccepting family), any tips?

i, like john, try to stay away from modern tech as much as i can. i’m able to stay off my phone for the most part and rarely use my computer but i’ve been looking around and audiobooks on cassette are kinda expensive around me so i like to narrate book as i read them in paperback. i was wondering if canonically john uses resources such as the library and what his favorite books and movies are. i love horror and am just now getting into sci-fi and i love watching movies on my vcr + tv combo and i sometimes use a blu-ray player for more rare or expensive (at least in vhs format) movies.

sorry for the long winded paragraph, i’m unfortunately unable to escape my strict household (despite being an adult) until i find a job and am able to save every cent. i also tend to isolate myself so i have no friends to help me out. sorry to vent to you about this but i just wanted to end this by saying your comic and characters inspire me and give me hope that i’ll be okay once i’m free.

YES. John is obsessed with x-files. every once in a while you can see he has the iconic 'i want to believe' poster in his younger years on his walls. He still has it as an adult. both caro and john like watching those together, they also enjoy the twilight zone, charmed, Buffy (they they agree the corny movie from '92 is the best) and those old Bruce Campbell shows noones heard of, re: Brisco County Jr. I think as kids they theorize, and as adults they talk about everything everyone gets wrong, now that they know how these things really work. John can always guess WhoDunnit.

Ive always been interested in the idea of the supernatural. im a big skeptic though, ill be honest there, even though ive had many 'experiences' myself. i kinda like the idea of the unbelievable. definitely making the comics has peaked my interest in things i wasn't too keenly aware of before, like cryptids. im fascinated by the concept of Missing 411, and missing people who reappear somewhere else, but Liminal Spaces hold my heart specifically. ive always been keenly aware of the off feeling in those places before i even knew what that meant. i love scouring the internet for images of things like abandoned hotels that give me a weird kind of uneasy, most of the things people tag as Liminal aren't really that, so its a scavenger hunt to find something that fits my idea of it. coming up with the lore of my stories has been an adventure. my interest has definitely grown, more in places and phenomenon than in ghosts specifically.

there are so mnay things you can do to diy punk stuff, in my opinion thats the best and most rewarding way. it sounds to me that you need to start small and slow for your safety, so let me reassure you right here anon, that punk is a set of ideals, and not just fashion. youre still punk no matter what youre wearing. a jacket or vest is always a good place to start, you can literally buy ANYTHING at the thift store that strikes your fancy. this is a canvas you will be adding too for as long as its yours. once you have your canvas, its time to create, and there is literally no wrong way to do this. you can use paint markers, embroidery, bleach, ect. dont have money for spikes and studs? you can use soda can tabs and bend them, metal lighter caps, hell even staples and safety pins always look cool. you can make your own badges by bending metal soda or beer caps around a soda tab with a safety pin through it and then paint whatever you want on the cap. dental floss is what you usually see when punks have the white stitching on their pants and jackets, its durable and doesn't break, since crust and gutter punks need tough clothes that last. if you're worried about your family, i would personalize it first in small secret ways that are just for you, such as a message beneath your collar as seen here on my friends jacket. and here, and here! he hides patches on the inside as well! Im including a pic of john hiding a patch on caros varsity jacket as well. i will post my jackets one day, my camera is broken but i figured id share his since he hides things more than i do!

John absolutely uses the library, its a fantastic resource for SO many things, depending on where you're located. He would also probably use a digital reader later, because many of them you can get library cards on and borrow books that way. he is not a strong reader so he mostly reads books that may be under his age level, like goosebumps, but who cares, do what you enjoy. movie wise hes very obsessed with cosmic horror (hence the UFO tattoo) his favorites are Alien, The Thing, Killer Klowns from Outer Space and the Blob from the 80s. both he and Caro love the original Evil Dead franchise, horror comedy like American Werewolf in London, lost boys, etc.

Thank you, Anon, for the long winded paragraph. You asked some really fun questions for me to answer, i love nothing more than to talk about my characters, it was a really nice little break from editing a new podcast episode. I am so so sorry about your situation, and i am sending you all the best and all the love and strength that you can come out of this free and on the other side and live as yourself. If my comics and characters stories can provide a tiny bit of hope that its going to be ok, than ive succeeded at what i set out to do. wishing you all the best. and look into your library, they may have resources to help you with this as well.

[drake-atello]

Can’t believe I got tumblr beef with a transphobe this is WILD.

Let’s break down some things here so I can finally be done with this.

This is a rant/vent. I will be throwing insults like rocks and swearing like there’s no tomorrow.

TLDR: PLEASE, just shut up and read your thing over again. You sound incredibly transphobic and ableist and that’s not okay at ALL.

Main points I’m pointing out are highlighted in the images below. The original replies can be found under the first comment. I screen recorded my proof just in case they get any ideas. I will reblog this post once I figure out how to share videos on tumblr. /gen /srs

rant under the cut, no need to open it if you’re not comfortable with the topics I bring up: blatant transphobia, ableism

Alright. Listen.

I get sharing your opinion.

That’s normal. Everyone has opinions.

What I don’t get is being a fucking bitch about it.

Your post was so toxic and blatantly rude that you got Jael herself to come and yell at you. Jael is trying to take a fucking mental health break and you can’t seem to understand she needs a SAFE SPACE to unwind and calm down.

“OOOOH JUST STAY OFF THE INTERNET OOOOOOOOONSDCDHBJHSDBCS”

shut the fuck up. The internet is nearly essential these days with how much we use it and with how much of our information is stored on it.

I don’t get why you have to scream and sob about well done representation when you aren’t even in the trans community in the first place.

I’m not African American or dark skinned, so I can’t comment on their portrayals in media.

I’m not gay, so I can’t say a gay character is badly written or wildly rude without substantial evidence and research and peer review.

I am autistic, however, so I can comment on the portrayals of autistic characters in media and say “THIS IS ASS” when I see something ass.

I have transgender friends, so while my opinion can’t advance beyond “this seems really fucking rude, what the hell, bro?” I can ask my friends for their opinions. And my friends agree that said post was very transphobic and just fucking rude. You are doing nothing but giving yourself and the trans community a bad name.

I admitted I was wrong being a bitch to you, I apologized for my behavior. I said you didn’t deserve to be attacked for sharing your opinion. No one under that post should’ve said more than “Dude, that seems really mean and transphobic, can you explain yourself please?” And gone on with their day.

You had every opportunity to fix the situation and repair your reputation, but all you’re doing is digging yourself a grave.

You call us all dumbasses and idiots who need to go back to kindergarten, you act like you’re better than all of us and refuse to see that your post hurt a lot of people.

I politely try to explain my view to you days after the issue, and all you do is throw another hissy fit and screech at me that I’m stupid and dumb and that I’m the problem. That it’s my fault cross is being seen this way and that it’s my fucking fault I’m tarnishing the reputation of transgender people.

I may have come off as rude in those comments, I admit that possibility. I tried to make it clearer with tone tags, but either you don’t understand them or you just don’t give a shit.

No, it’s not your problem that I’m autistic. You don’t know me beyond my profile picture. But what IS your problem is making sure that your opinions and words are understood.

You had a chance to make your opinion clearer to me when I informed you that I couldn’t understand your words because of my autism. Instead, you take the chance, curb stomp it, and say I’m stupid for not understanding you. Which, I’m gonna be honest, is kinda ableist. I can’t fucking control what my autism understands, I wouldn’t be using it to explain myself if I could.

Is my autism an excuse for me being an asshole? HELL NO! NO FUCKING WAY! autism or not, I was still an asshole and that’s not okay. I’m in control of how I react to situations, but I’m not in control of how I perceive them. It’s up to me to ask for clarification, but it’s up to you to give me that clarification.

You either don’t seem to understand anything beyond the surface level of my words (which is likely why you’re so adamant about there being no deeper meaning with cross) or you just don’t give a shit.

Anyway yeah no you are absolutely transphobic (thank you Kaz for explaining who mizuki is im gonna draw her and cross together later because i think they should beat up transphobes together)

Like, Jesus girl. I’m autistic and I know damn well no one makes that face when they’re gendered correctly. Thats a shocked face. That’s an upset face. Not happy. Not neutral. That is a very upset woman.

But no, seriously, dude, what the hell.

How are you transphobic in the undertale community, where the fuck do you think you are?

Please, for fucks sake, grow up or shut up. I’m done dealing with your ableist, transphobic bigoted ass. Fuck you.

[i-still-mask-because]

I still mask because:

- My father and mother are seniors, he has risk factors. Also, my sister has a weak immunological system.

- I don't want anyone to get sick because of me. You don't know the health conditions of everyone or their families.

- I believe I have social responsibility, I want to do my bit to help and promote public health.

- I am terrified of long covid.

Hello, thanks for this blog. I still mask, but it's rarer and rarer to see people masking and people understanding why I do it. So, this space is welcomed.

A little vent:

Thanks heavens, my country never politicized masks. You see people wearing them, but less and less, they don't wear it correctly or not systematically.

I follow the three C: avoid crowded, closed and poorly ventilated (forgot the C, English isn't my native language).

I have clarity of situations I won't do anymore or I have to use masks all the time: discos, karaokes, super closed spaces, hospitals/laboratories/my office/stores and malls, planes, cinema, concerts, theatre, public and private transport, etc.

But I have doubts about gray areas or social situations: some restaurants or a friend's house. I don't want to isolate (it really hurts my mental health), but I don't want to get sick. Sometimes I don't know how to act. Maybe your followers can share some tips with me, I want to get with people but it's hard since I don't go to closed spaces and people don't really consider the pandemic now

Many thanks!

Hey! Thank you for sharing & for the question! I'll answer from my own experience, and anyone is of course free to share any additional suggestions & info!

Going based on what you mentioned about going to restaurants and visiting a friend, I'll explain how I'd go about those two scenarios:

Going to a restaurant

In this scenario, I keep my mask on with a Sealed Intake Port (SIP) installed on it for staying hydrated and filling myself up with beverages while I'm at the restaurant. I'd order something to go to eat later when I'm somewhere private/safer!

Visiting a friend

In this scenario, I would keep up the usual covid precaution habits I have. Ideally the friend would be understanding of my decision to stay masked around them; it also shouldn't stop us from still being able to hang out and do things like watch a movie or play a game. If I'm eating at my friend's place, ideally I'd be granted a room to eat privately or be able to eat in an outdoor area like a balcony or backyard. In the case of a sleepover, I'd pack my air purifier to take with me to my friend's place and wear my mask while sleeping; ideally I'd have a personal area to sleep in as a guest, but I know not every home has that kind of space. Depending on the circumstance & the environment of your friend's place, this can all of course look very different for different people. They're just ideas of course! I've personally only been comfortable with staying over at one friend's place, and I've gratefully been able to be accommodated & given room to continue my precautions.

I hope this was helpful!

[apoptoses]

1980 New York City 1:38 am

“Daniel, what is this?” Armand asked.

Daniel closed the magazine he’d been looking at and put it back on the rack. He crossed the store in search of Armand.

It was hot out, one of those sticky nights when lying on the bed with the windows open just wouldn’t do. Going to the convenience store had been his idea, though Daniel didn’t really need anything. It was just an excuse to stand in the air conditioner while Armand explored. Something rattled in the vents. Air blew down fast enough to stop the bead of sweat on the back of Daniel’s neck in its tracks.

He found Armand in front of the slushie machines, hands in his pockets as he stared at the brightly colored liquid sloshing around. Armand tilted his head. A drop of cherry syrup dripped off the nozzle of one of the dispensers and fell to the tray below.

“It’s a slushie. It’s a drink, kind of,” Daniel said. “All it is is crushed ice mixed with flavor syrup. It’ll stain the shit out of your clothes if you spill it though, my mom used to get after me for that all the time when I was a kid.”

Armand cocked his head. “And what flavor is ‘blue raspberry’? Raspberries aren’t blue.”

Daniel huffed out a laugh. Armand could be so literal sometimes.

“I don’t know, something some executive made up to sell blue syrup. It tastes like blue cotton candy,” Daniel said with a shrug.

Armand furrowed his brow as he looked at him. Right. He probably had never had cotton candy either, being five hundred years old and all. He had no frame of reference for any of this stuff.

Sometimes he acted so normal Daniel forgot exactly what he was. When he was full of blood he was as ruddy cheeked as any young man, even under the harsh lights of the convenience store. It wasn’t until he opened his mouth that Daniel was reminded that he was standing at a slushie machine with a dead and unnatural thing.

He grabbed a styrofoam cup from the counter and handed it to Armand. “Here, get one and I’ll drink it. You can spy on the flavor through my brain or whatever vulcan mind meld shit it is that you do.”

Armand wrapped his fingers around the lever on the machine so carefully. He looked so intense. Like pouring a slushie was a delicate operation. Sometimes he handled things with such care, but then others-

Daniel’s hand went to the hickie low on his neck, barely hidden by the collar of his shirt. The bruise was terrible. The edges of it were almost the same blue as the ice coming out of the machine. If he pressed down on it he could still feel the ache, the searing pain of Armand’s fangs buried in his skin. He shuddered at the memory.

“Are you cold now, Daniel? You’re shivering,” Armand said as he plucked a lid from the stack beside the machine.

Daniel rolled his eyes. “Don’t play dumb.”

Armand grinned at him and stabbed a straw into the drink. Daniel couldn’t help but grin back.

At the register he let Armand request a pack of cigarettes for him and then handed him his own wallet to let him pay like a little kid. On their way out the door Armand took his hand.

They walked the two blocks back to their building like that; hands clasped, Armand’s rings pressing into the space between his fingers. When they sat down on the front steps of their building Daniel held their hands up. Turned them from side to side and watched Armand’s rings glitter under the hazy glow of the light from the windows around them. His fingers were so pale. His palm was so dry, a sharp contrast to Daniel’s which had begun to sweat in the humidity.

“In my time we had a drink, brought over from the Middle East and called sharbat,” Armand said suddenly. “It was made from fruit syrups. Cherry and pomegranate and lemon. I was told that in some places it was consumed frozen but I never experienced it myself. In Venice there’s no way to build the cellars required to store ice.”

Daniel brushed his thumb back and forth over the back of Armand’s hand. Sipped at his slushie and tried to digest the information he’d just been given.

It was so rare that Armand talked about his youth. It always came in fits and starts, at the most unexpected times. Daniel could press him for hours on what it was like to live in renaissance Venice and get no answer, and then he’d put on a certain shirt or they’d see a particular film and off Armand would go with some fact that made his head spin.

“Do you miss being able to eat and drink things?” Daniel asked.

Armand blinked at him slowly. Like he had to process the question just as Daniel had to process his sudden story. He remained quiet.

A car rattled down the street. Somewhere above them someone cracked a window and the sounds of the program they were watching on tv filtered out. Daniel shifted on the steps and felt the concrete dig into the bare skin at the back of his thigh.

“In a way. I don’t miss the necessity of it,” Armand finally said. “I only regret that there’s such a variety of food and drink available now and I can’t experience any of it firsthand.”

“And tasting it through my mind isn’t exactly the same, I’d imagine.”

Armand nodded. “Yes. A pale reflection of the thing you’re experiencing, that’s all that it is.”

Daniel took another drink of the slushie. Let the syrup linger in his mouth before he swallowed and wondered if he ate more slowly if Armand would experience it more clearly. More intensely. The idea of never being able to taste anything but blood, ever again- it was hard to imagine. Armand preached the drawbacks of immortality to him every time he pleaded for it, but this was the first time any of it had ever sunk in.

He thought about his morning coffee. Popcorn at the movies. A bar of chocolate. All things Armand had never really tasted. Never really would.

Daniel licked his lips and sloshed the drink around its cup. Suddenly Armand reached out and grabbed him by the jaw. Pressed his fingers into his cheeks and made him open his mouth.

“Your mouth is blue,” Armand said.

His face was so serious. Daniel laughed when he let go.

“I told you, this shit stains everything,” he said. “Do you think it would stain your skin too? Nothing ever seems to stick to you for long.”

Armand pursed his lips as he considered the question. “I don’t know.”

Well. Only one way to find out.

Daniel took a long drink and set the cup down on the steps. He turned to Armand.

His auburn hair didn’t seem to be affected by the humidity at all. Not like Daniel’s, which was damp with sweat and clinging to the back of his neck. He reached over and tucked a curl behind Armand’s ear. Brushed his fingers over his cheek and watched his lashes, so full and dark, flutter against his cheek when he closed his eyes. For a moment Daniel could only sit there, palm on Armand’s face as he glanced between the pink flush of his cheeks and the soft shape of his mouth.

Daniel brushed the tip of his nose against Armand’s. Rubbed it back and forth, just sharing breathing space with him. He smiled to himself when Armand tipped his chin up in silent demand. Waited a second until he made a huffy sound and then closed the distance between their lips.

Warm. That was all Daniel could think about when Armand parted his lips and let him lick into his mouth. He was so warm tonight, so alive.

He felt the weight of Armand’s hand on his chest. It was warm too, even through his t-shirt, resting on his sternum right above his racing heart. When he grabbed Armand by the knees and dragged his legs across his lap he felt his fingers twist in the fabric. Armand’s nails, just sharp and dangerous enough to be felt through his shirt as he clung to Daniel and let himself be kissed.

Daniel sucked at his lower lip, worried at it between his teeth. Released it and then let out a quiet sound when Armand did the same back to him. His lips would be flushed and swollen after this. He’d bear the evidence of Armand’s kiss for the rest of the night. The thought made him shudder.

Somewhere in the city an ambulance siren wailed. The door to their building opened, the old hinges on it squeaking their protest.

Daniel ignored the other resident trying to get out. There was plenty of room on the stairs for them to get by. And besides, Armand was tracing over the roof of his mouth with his tongue in that way that always made him melt. There was no way he was going to stop this just to be polite and let someone get past.

He wrapped his arms around Armand and pulled him closer. Broke away to nose at his cheek, tease him until Armand yanked at his shirt and dragged him back in. Daniel didn’t even try to resist. He just angled his face just right and kissed him again.

Sometimes Armand could be so normal. Sometimes he was just the young man Daniel was crazy about. The sweet boyfriend who let Daniel make out with him on a hot and sticky night, out on the front steps where all of New York could see.

When they stopped to press their foreheads together Daniel’s heart was pounding so hard he could hear it in his own ears. For a moment he couldn’t even open his eyes. He had to sit there until he caught his breath.

In the yellow glow of the streetlight Armand looked so alive. His mouth was stained. It was blue from the syrup. Flushed red from Daniel’s kiss.

“Your lips are blue,” Daniel said. His hand was on Armand’s cheek, thumb brushing against the corner of his mouth. “Could you taste the slushie any better that way?”

Armand shook his head. He ducked in and kissed Daniel again.

“No, Daniel. All I could taste was you.”

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

I really struggle right now. I have been in semi recovery for some times, so I'm not better, but like my father says, I am surviving. I do want to recover completly, but at the same time, I have this urge to relapse. Some difficult things are happening in my life right now (like my father's depression and my brother violent mood swings, my sister's school problems...) and as a whole, my family is already very busy with their own problems. When I talk about my issues which are often the same, they are quite dismissed or just put away with some banalities.

I know I have to recover, and I'm the only one that's in charge of doing it. But I'm worried that if I eat the same meals I won't be able to eat enough protein, or veggies, now that I know what macros are and I exercice... Seems like a problem never comes alone. I'm sorry, this is very messy.

How do I step away from self destructives urges whenever I feel down and alone ? How do I get better alone ? (I have a psy but to be honest it doesn't help a lot...). Do I just let go of counting macros like proteins, and if so, how will I be sure I get enough to build a bit of muscles ?

Well, thank you if you took the time to read all this, and take care !

I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling, and that you're getting put on the back burner because of your other family members' problems. You deserve the attention and support that you need. You may not get these things, and it's difficult not to internalize that and to believe that it's because the loudest people in the room have the most important needs. Their needs do matter, but yours do just as much. I want you to know that, even if your family is unfortunately not able to meet your needs right now.

It sounds like your family is maybe dealing with some bigger overarching issues that are causing some instability for everyone. It sounds like your brother and sisters' issues, like yours, are also caused by these issues, so they're not likely to get fixed in this environment. I don't know if that's necessarily the truth, it's just a guess. But it does make me wonder if there's anybody you could look to for support outside of your immediate family.

Have you ever heard the phrase "going to the hardware store for oranges?" I've recently heard it in a therapeutic context. This metaphor refers to the practice of going to somebody for emotional support that they're just not able to give. It's as useless an endeavor as trying to buy oranges from the hardware store. No matter how desperately you ask them to sell you oranges, they won't. They can't. They don't have the oranges. This might be your family. It's unfair, but some of us just do get families we can't go to with this stuff. When you are an adult, you will be free to process that as needed and let that set the tone of the relationship, but for now, your job is to survive in this environment.

Do you have any other trusted people in your life? Could be extended family (ones you trust not to repeat your words back to your family), trusted friends, perhaps a teacher or a guidance counselor. Maybe make a list of what kind of supports you are looking for and ask what your support system can give. If your psychologist is an unhelpful one, you don't have to put all your hopes in them. If you can't switch now, you can when you're an adult.

You could also do something like start a journal and write down vents, impulses and urges and where you think they come from, and things you could try in order to help yourself better. If home is not a safe place to keep a journal where your vents might include stuff about your family members, perhaps keep it in a hiding place if you feel you need it at home, or in a school locker if home is simply not a safe space.

I think it might be a good idea to give up counting macros, yes. At least for the time being. When you can eat, eat meals with protein, you don't have to count it exactly. Don't worry too hard about being a bodybuilder right now, just focus on getting yourself enough.

Don't beat yourself up for having a hard day or struggling with negative self-urges like relapse. Be compassionate with yourself. It sounds like you're trying really hard under really stressful circumstances with limited supports available. You should be proud of yourself for trying, every day, even if everyday your best effort looks different.

[junk-culture]

nothing better to do right now so i went to youtube and subjected myself to a few chappell roan songs and oh ok . before even hearing anything the thumbnail of this lyric video pissed me off right away to be honest like can we just retire the ironic comic sans smiley face quirky girl "whimsical" aesthetic it's so irritating. its the kind of graphic design that all the vaguely "quirky" women's clothing brands are using right now. like im getting koi footwear vibes. do you know what i mean.

anyway. ill be honest i went into this with a closed mind fully prepared to hate but like yeah it's just mid isn't it. like she's a step up from taylor swift obviously but it's still so boring.

at the clothes store i work at they have this presumably company specific playlist that's like, the usual bad pop songs. but kind of curated in a way that's old people friendly because it's that kind of store? and without any of the actual famous artists like t swift or ed sheeran like it's all just bland pop songs ive never heard in my life but sound like exactly as you expect them to and seem to have been created in a music-for-clothes-stores-factory? it's all really bad anyway. and they literally never change this playlist btw. it's been the same thing for the 2+ months ive been here so there are many songs on it which are beginning to piss me off so bad.

and i literally have no idea who any of the artists are so i literally just know them as like "that one with the intro which genuinely sounds like it could be from an insurance advert" ; "that cheesy "rock" one which sounds like charity shop music" ; "the one with lyrics so bad they make me actively loose braincells" etc. and i have to say that ms roan's music really would not sound out of place on this playlist. fractionally so maybe but only fractionally. and she would still piss me the fuck off after hearing her every single shift. sorry im not even ranting about chappell roan anymore this is now just a vent post about the shite music they play at my job. it's making me insane. like id almost prefer if they played the actual charts or the actual radio because then id actually know some of the artists. and i could put a name and a face to my hatred. anyway. love and light

[idontplaytrack]

tw: vent

once again feeling like i just wanna give up bc i’m just constantly stuck— mentally, physically. i’m just never really happy anymore. i’m expected to pay for my siblings’ meals when i take them out, and can’t ask for it back because they’re younger than me and they don’t work. i was nearly at $200 in savings and somehow, without spending more than $30 on myself for the last week, I’m down to $95 in my savings. i’ve been scrimping and saving so i can take time off of work and ‘reality’ to go to hawaii for a few days but now im just so much further away from my savings goal that i just feel like it’s not worth it anymore. yes, i know i can just go to a neighbouring country but there’s nothing i wanna do there, the same stores are everywhere in this region and it’s like what’s the point? it’s a personal preference but a place i’ve been wanting to visit but never had the guts to even think about, to plan, to research to make sure i keep in mind that i respect the people, nature and wildlife. to make sure i stay within my budget, knowing where to go, where to eat, what to do, what i want to buy so i only buy those items and not extra things. i know life isn’t fair but why the hell does birth order have to decide what one has to do for family? when the more ‘grown’ adults in the family have nothing but terrible, terrible things to say about the choices i want to make? what i wear, what i eat, where i work, where i want to travel to, what i want to study, where i want to study, why i want to study? why I am always thinking about being anywhere but home??? i get that i owe my parents years and years worth of money and then some for bringing me up, but little things, ‘casual remarks’ stick with me and just ruin me day by day. i can barely remember the good.

i’m in a way fortunate to still live in this apartment with my family so i don’t have to worry about rent. but i pay for my own expenses at work, transportation and my phone bill. i also pay for whatever the hell kind of knick knacks, snacks, meals and even toys when we go out. because i know she doesn’t like to be home and being the target of my parents’ yelling, it sucks for them to talk shit about you right to your face, calling you burdens, telling you their lives stopped because of you. i didn’t choose to be here, i didn’t choose for us to be low-income if you yourselves don’t want to do anything but spew out your so-called ‘creative ideas for new job ventures and asking me to help you. you’re so vague, help with what? how do i help? what do you want me to do? why do i have to give up on my part time job to risk a new career with you that you’re starting from scratch with no clients/customers yet? why is the burden just on me like this even though it isn’t explicitly said? i’m not a bad person, but they’re making me out to be a horrible human being that disrespects family and elders even though i’m treated as less than just because ‘they’re my parents and know me best because they raised me?’ you have no idea how much of myself i had to hide in my 20 years of existence. i don’t even know who i am anymore, what i believe in, what i want in my life for myself.

[acti-veg]

(a vent - if that's okay to submit here. if you don't have the energy for it I totally understand!)

I've been looking for a place to live for the next few months, until my partner and I can move in together, and I found somewhere that's... pretty much perfect! location wise there isn't a thing I don't love about it, except... it's *right* next to a cow farm. when I saw the cows in the field while walking down the lane to the address, my stomach just... plummetted. I'm sadly very used to seeing cows and sheep in fields in my area, but being next to a whole industrial farmhouse where I know exactly what happens inside... might end up giving me nightmares.

I don't want to be a person that flinches and withdraws when I encounter these things. but I truly, deeply hate living in a world (and a country, darn cursed UK) where animal agriculture is so utterly inescapable, and seems to crowd every single fridge, grocery store and forest-turned-field. I hate not being able to travel any amount of distance before getting slapped with it again - and I know I shouldn't ultimately *want* to escape it. I want to be able to look it in the eye for what it really is, and do what is in my power in this life to challenge it.

I'm not quite in an activism-ready state of mind yet, though. so naturally I feel very powerless, and the idea of living next to something like that and not being able to do anything about it is just... exhausting, and terrifying. I'm going to feel it out and see if I can tolerate this kind of proximity, if at least for a short period of time. but there's a big wave of hopelessness that comes with knowing I'll never truly be able to live 'far away' enough from the nightmares of animal agriculture that I could at least stop thinking about it for a while.

I'm mostly sharing this with the hopes that someone might be able to relate. I could really do with breaking out of the grim isolation of it all. I'm thinking about reading the Vystopia book to work through the feelings a bit. if anyone else has any insight or thoughts, I'd really appreciate them.

thank you for reading!

I think this may end up having a bigger impact on your wellbeing than you might realise, mostly in terms of your mental health but there is also pollution and noise to consider. I would strongly consider looking at other options, even if they offer less, because I just don't think this is something you'll be able to learn to live with.

In terms of living as a vegan in an anti-animal world, that is a difficulty we all share, and there is nothing I can say to make that burden any lighter for you. You will not find a vegan who does not feel this to some extent. Personally, I've found that activism does help channel that frustration and anger into something positive, and I've also found that spending time with animals who aren't farmed - whether it's a rescue centre, sanctuary etc. can be enormously uplifting. It helps remind us who we're fighting for, and helps reframe your veganism in a positive way.

My advice would be to just generally try to experience and learn about animals in a positive way - read books about their intelligence, how they live in nature, make art, write, read positive books about animals. I think as vegans sometimes we can fall into the trap of only really thinking about animals in terms of their oppression, and as important as that is to recognise and learn about, if that is all you are engagaging with then you will burn out very quickly. I'd recommend checking out this talk on that topic - it's about activism but I think it applies to veganism more generally.

I hope you find a way to work through this anon, again it's something we all go through so you're very much not alone. Engage with animals positively, engage with other vegans and become involved in the community - whatever you can do to celebrate your veganism, rather than just experiencing it as a burden, which is a trap that is all too easy to fall into.

[oc-aita]

AITA for selling my soul to make my sister immortal without asking her first?

I (17M) and my sister (24F) live together in California with her roommate, who I'll just call D (25M). Our parents are both dead and she tried her best to take care of us, but even with D helping with rent, food, etc. we were still struggling to get by.

So then she decided to sell drugs. I don't know where she even got them from or why she thought it was a fucking good idea but whatever. She kept selling more and more different things (including weapons!) and getting involved with local gangs.

She didn't even tell me at first! I found out when one day, after being alone ALL DAY waiting for her to come home, she came back covered in blood and told me she was ambushed and nearly got shot to death, and she had to kill someone.

I told her I wanted her to stop before she got hurt but she just kept doing this shit, and even started robbing places! She robbed fucking banks! D didn't stop her cause he's a pussy and "hates confrontation" so he was of no help. Idk how tf a guy who "hates confrontation" is a drug dealer and bank robber but w/e.

I was so scared to lose her, she's the only family I have left. I didn't know what else to do so I went online to vent on a message board. I ended up finding some guy called InfernalDante69 (ugh I know) and he started talking to me about occult shit.

I thought it was weird af but my sister wouldn't listen to me and I was tired of spending every day worried she wouldn't come home. Dante offered to sell me an old book he had which he said "Had spells to help".

I still thought he was nuts but I was desperate. I bought the book and the next week it came in the mail. He even sent a post card and a bag of gummy worms but they melted in the mail so it was just a weird squishy lump. I didn't eat that shit cause wtf I'm not gonna eat food a stranger occultist on an online forum sends me.

I think he meant for me to find some kind of like, Idk money spell or something so that she wouldn't have to do this shit anymore and we could afford to move somewhere else.

But I was so scared of losing her that I tried a spell that would make a person immortal. I had to sell my soul for it. I didn't actually think it would work but it did.

After my sis and D left I preformed the spell and summoned a demon. I always thought demons would be scary but he seemed kind of freaked out. Looked like an owl. Idk.

Anyways he said that if I sold him my soul I could make her immortal so I did. But he didn't say how it would work, I thought maybe it would just make her really lucky and she wouldn't ever get hurt?

But one night she and D walked to a local store and some guys tried to mug them. She was drunk af and instead of following D and running she tried to fight them with a broken bottle.

She got stabbed in the stomach and the guys left, and D called an ambulance. But on the way there she died from internal bleeding. D came home and told me and I was so fucking upset, I thought maybe the spell didn't work, or it had just been some kind of fucked up dream or hallucination.

But then the next morning we heard her bedroom door open and she just fucking came out into the living room? D started freaking tf out and crying and then she started yelling.

I told her what I had done, I thought she would be happy but instead she was fucking FURIOUS. She asked me how I could do that shit without even talking to her first, I told her I didn't want to lose her but she didn't want to hear any of it.

But the thing is she now uses her immortality to do even more bad shit, since she doesn't have to worry about dying. Now all the local gangs and drug dealers are calling her the "Red Ghost" because no matter how many times they kill her she just comes back. People are sending literal hitmen after her because she's causing so much trouble.

But she still seems mad at me, she barely ever talks to me, she doesn't trust me anymore.

So AITA?

[homemoviess]

i felt your vent but i bet it gave you more ideas right? can only go up!

Thanks so much for the encouraging words, and it did! I’m bursting with marketing ideas, and it’s honestly exciting, if not a bit scary. There’s a bunch of business shit I started this year, including the book I’m writing—which I have some interesting news about, so why not use this response to address it.

I’ve been weighing the pros and cons of connecting my author pen name to this account (or the fanfic account). The book will be out for ARC in July (if I stick to schedule) and published by late August. It will have a lot of the same elements I typically write about; a ton of body horror, monster men, and all the dramatic feels. Great, cool, but I’m aware that a lot of people who read fanfiction might not be interested in original fiction especially from a no name debut author. I was this way for a while until I rediscovered my love for book stores, found out there was a whole flipping genre of novels that had all the messed up stuff I like—told primarily by indie authors, and quickly became a book hoarder.

I say all that because I’m questioning if it would be worth it to “expose” my very spicy fanfiction to any future readers if those who enjoy the fanfics aren’t exactly the same audience who will enjoy my novels. Again, I’m using a pen name, and if the business goes well, I’ll be self employed, so I don’t really care too much about my personal life getting thrown in the mix. I guess I’m worried about not being taken seriously as an author, or who knows?

Bah! This is becoming a personal blog! I haven’t even posted the next page of Fawn, yet I’m doing a whole lotta venting. I might just share the novel regardless. I will need a few beta readers in June, so maybe Tumblr is a good place to find some?

[daisy-dooodles]

About me :D

hi, hello! to start this blog off I think it would be nice to introduce myself a little, so here go a couple of basic questions about me...

What's your name? I go by Daisy in English (cause it's way cuter and easier than my original name in Polish lol and I really like flowers). But let's say my initials are MP, that's why I sign my artwork with it :D

What are your pronouns? She/Her

How old are you? I'm 22 years old, living that early 20s crisis lol

Do you have a degree in art? Nope, I went to uni for Romance Philology, cause I really enjoy languages, literature and different cultures too. But I've always liked art too as a side project!

So why this blog? Well, I don't really know what I want to do in life, so I decided to make this to start taking it more seriously as a possible actual job or just a way of having a place less chaotic than my insta to show the art I'm proud of sort of like a portfolio (and maybe even some behind the scenes I never shared...)

And what would you like to work in? I feel like a creative space would be cool. Maybe like editorial work, maybe designing stuff for books... idk, but I like the idea of being able to work on many different things instead of doing the same for years on end...

Do you do original art or fanart? Both. I have many ideas, sometimes I get obsessed with a show or something and want to try making fanart for it, but I have many original ideas too!

Is it traditional or digital art? Well, I enjoy both immensely. Because I sort of moved to Poland from Spain I don't have many of my supplies, so I'm resorting to digital more. I use the XP-Pen Deco 01 V2 tablet to draw. The program I use is Medibang Paint (and I am thinking of buying Clip Studio in the future when I have more resources at hand, cause I heard it's really good!) Unfortunately, my laptop is not great at colours, so I really like Medibang for letting me upload to the cloud and letting me deal with the colours on my phone :D (none of this is sponsored btw, I'm just sharing my experience)

How would you describe your art style? "I'm just trying" lol. I don't have one, I just try new and different things and supplies and programs as I feel like it. Many times it depends on what feeling I want the piece to have, so that makes me try and learn new techniques and I really enjoy doing that :D

Do you do commissions? Maybe a store? No, I don't. I'm not ready for something like that yet. Maybe down the line uploading stuff to pages like redbubble could be an option, I don't know much about how any of this works, I'll be figuring it out slowly

Can I message you? Please do, for anything! You wanna be mutuals and share with me silly posts or about a fandom we share? Go ahead! Do you need advice or vent to someone? DMs are open :D

What fandoms are you in? Well, I was in Sanders Sides for a long time, but I don't really go there anymore, maybe when we get more content I might just jump back in, though I still follow Thomas and check his content when I can cause I still enjoy it! I do enjoy figure skating and follow a bit on Yuzuru Hanyu, mostly Then we have my most recent fandoms I am kinda obsessed with: MDZS and BTS. Yeah, wild stuff. Have I drawn anything about them? Not yet really, I do have one MDZS sketch I'm working on, and a couple based on BTS songs, so maybe soon I'll share those here cause I feel quite proud of them so far :D I do enjoy many other series and films, but I don't think I'd be able to just list them cause it's so random. You can always ask if you need a friend to whom you get to be weird to, no judgement, we all be like that! I ranted about BTS to my bestie who knows basically nothing about them for almost a year now and they still love me nonetheless hahahah

(...yeah, so let's leave it at that for now, will update when new things pop in my head)

see you around 💜