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#like I’m so sick of my friend group except for 1 person
sadstrever · 2 days
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i’m still 114lbs. i feel sick. yesterday was an awful day, i came home and had an out of body chew and spit session. i wish there was more research on this part of ed’s, or just more people who talked about it because i can’t be alone in this. i refuse to believe i’m the only sick person who does disgusting shit like this. anyways the reason why i call it an out of body experience is because it’s almost like binging-just without all the swallowing of food. i came home and immediately started doing it and filled up 1 and 1/2 2 liter bottles with food. i spent 5 hours doing this without even realizing and pretty much emptied out my whole families fridge. the guilt i felt afterwards was worse than a binge in my opinion. not only did i totally waste SO MUCH food, make a huge mess, ended up with disgusting bottles of mush in my room, i also have to face the consequences of my family coming home to an empty fridge. but when they got home they were happy that i “ate.” god i’m such a fucking piece of shit.
anyways after all that i took 4 laxatives to try and get the guilt of wasting the food out of me. i woke up in the morning today in terrible pain but still had to go to class, cuz what am i supposed to tell my parents? “yeah i haven’t eaten in almost a month and basically just threw all the food we have out in the trash and i also took 4 laxatives, can i please stay home tehe?” so i went to 1 class and ended up leaving because the pain was so excruciating. straight from class i went to the gym and somehow burnt 900 calories because i guess that’s what guilt does to me. i had to take the bus 2 hours home afterwards(bus delays and i went to a new further gym location this time), high out of my mind. i’m home now and my stomach hurts but the laxatives finally did their job. i don’t want to keep doing this. 4 years ago i said i’d recover and then i didn’t. since then i’ve forgotten about recovery (with the exception of a few random moments here and there that i block out immediately), i am so used to living in this fucking misery that i didn’t realize how abnormal my reality is. i don’t want to be a bad person anymore. but i can’t stop lol.
this is what bothers me about the girls who romanticize this disorder SO MUCH, when much of the time they haven’t realized how difficult it can become. i know i’ve done this, even now sometimes as a coping mechanism. but man, i’m sick of it.
i have a friend who writes poetry and she wrote a poem about eating disorders that make me so fucking angry. the thing is, i’ve known her for years and she’s always had the best relationship with food out of most of the people i know. she’s naturally pretty thin(not too thin but normal) and she’s very open about her struggles. i know every single one of her stories, i know she’s diagnosed with adhd. that’s HER disorder, that i don’t understand so i DONT write fucking POETRY about it. a few months ago she kind of forced me into opening up about my eating disorder. after i did, suddenly she started writing these stories about her eating disorder-very very very suspiciously similar to mine. i obviously didn’t tell her everything but i told her about how long this has been going on and just my emotions about it. seeing her start to adapt my fucking disorder into her poetry disgusted me. she glamorized the fuck out of it and made me feel so stupid for ever opening up about it. she’s naturally skinny so she got a bunch of support from our friend group from it and i’m just upset man. i’m sick of living in misery while other people can use the idea of living in pain for attention.
i promised my best friend that in 3 weeks i’ll go back to therapy and try my best to recover. it’s not true. man it’s never fucking true. it’s never fucking over. unlike ms.deep-poetry-girl i can’t just fucking write this and log off and then eat a good warm meal and talk to my parents without them mentioning my body. i can’t wake up tomorrow morning and hug them without worrying that they’re gonna feel my bones. i can’t wear shorts anymore without people noticing the bruises. i can’t go to school and keep my focus because i have nothing to feed my brain. i can’t let anyone get close because soon enough they’ll be just like YOU. OR they’ll hate me for not wanting to get better. i can’t love myself like you do because of the disgusting things i do each day. i can’t wake up thinner and suddenly stop hating myself. FUCK YOUUUUUUUU GOD IM SO SICK OF IT GOD. whatever im done. just sick and tired.
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pastelpousay · 22 days
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Hi so uhh..my mom said she may take my phone again 💀 if I start failing and I’m already failing three classes so…..(Rant/vent I may delete later)
I’m literally so done with this school and everyone here why am I missing assignments I didn’t even know about. I literally have to pay my art teacher next week for something. I have things to do over the weekend. I’m literally so ready to kill myself progress reports come out tomorrow or today I don’t even care to know
I literally have a zero in English I wanna die like I’m so ready to kill myself. My friends hate me. Everyone hates me I literally don’t know what I did wrong. I’m doing everything I can I hate this school. I don’t need advice, I don’t want help. I’m just sick of doing the work. It’s not even hard it’s just too much to keep up at once. It’s like my only responsibility but like I can’t do this right now I feel like the world is against me.
I can’t do digital art. If I fail this year I might as well die I can’t fail again. I’m so sick of everything 😭 I literally wanna die bro or go to bed and not wake up. I don’t understand I literally am trying my best and it doesn’t even matter like. I don’t understand like I’m doing all I can’t and no one gets it.
And my friends keep giving me advice like I haven’t done it already I try dude I do. I just can’t I want to have free time but I literally won’t if I’m doing this. I actually cannot I wanna spend time with my family but I feel like my mom is fed up with me. 😕
I’m so ready to die I literally can’t do this anymore. No one wants to talk to me about the things I enjoy. I have no one. I feel like I have no friends and they keep saying they’re there for me but are you?? Like dude.
I literally messed up my clean streak so bad I couldn’t even go two full months and here we are. I already knew I wouldn’t be able to last but still 😕
I give up. I literally just give up.
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absolutebl · 3 months
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This Week in BL - THERE IS SO MUCH ON RIGHT NOW, it's crazy-making!
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.
July 2024 Week 1
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Ongoing Series - Thai
Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 10 of 12 - I am with Dee, noodles do solve everything. The brothers were SO GOOD together. I’m getting to really love a back drop in BL, it’s like the mic drop of gay boys smooching. This is such a good show. I had a big grin on my face while also crying a bit. Everything I want from a BL is happening right here, in front of my eyes.
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Did they gloss over the trauma a bit? Yes. Do I care? No. I don't like dwelling in trauma in general, mine, friends, online, or in my BL.
The Rebound (Weds Gaga) ep 2 of 12 - All Thai mafia is gay… again. Yes, it’s still great. No, I have no idea why they’re dropping so many eps at once. That’s not normal for a Thai drama. But I’m not gonna complain except there’s a lot on right now. I like the side couple too. I also like Frank’s poor little rich kid side dish action. I mean, Meen is an ult for me, but Frank is giving excellent second lead syndrome. Suspiciously aggressive and a touch stalker, but I don’t mind a boy that sus if he that cute. And of course, with the mafia involved there is kidnapping.
Look, is this the best show currently airing? No. Which is why it slid a little in the standings. But that's only because Wandee hit it out of the park this week. Frankly, this may not be the best BL airing right now, but it’s the best BL for me.
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Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - That oppa bit was fucking genius. (You get it right? If you don't, I can explain.) And I immediately adore the secretary character as a result (I typed that as "reslut" and that works too.) Pleased to have such a "rich man and his spoiled boy" dynamic it going already. A dynamic I am personally IRL familiar with from the 90s. Also, kiddies stop filming adults at play! Sheesh.
I pretty much love all the couples in this show. It’s lots of fun. SamYo’s cat and mouse thing is delightful. Meanwhile, the mains are so sweetly hesitant about kisses and everything (hilarious coming from this pair). I love them and their awkward first time, or whatever is going on.
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Do you know what? After that "oppa" comment this lead pair makes me feel a little bit like I’m watching a gay K-drama, similar style of personalities and everything, even the random martial arts ability. And the outing. I'm getting Business Proposal vibes. Nothing wrong with that, I was weaned on K-dramas.
All in all, great episode.
My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - Yet again I spent the entire episode saying "poor Joe" over and over again. This time I didn’t cry though.
The pat way to end this is to have Joe walk through that door and then wake up back when he was about to get into the motorcycle accident. So that none of it ever happened. I suppose we’ll see what they do next week but I hope it isn’t that.
We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 14 of 16 - Do you know what this friendship group reminds me of the most? The old Love Sick music club boys. This is just the college version... 10 years later. (Love Sick was one of the few shows where I mostly didn’t yell “no singing” at the screen (also Ingredients). In my defense, I didn’t know any better back then.)
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As boyfriends, PhumPeem are even more puppy/cat paring. And I am even more delighted by it. And them. In fact, this show is ALL puppy/cat pairings. I’m not mad about it.
"I’m hugging you so you won’t feel hungry" is the weirdest pick up ever. But Phum is weird. 
This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 1 of 8 - The PittBabe team behind a new restaurant set BL full of hidden agendas and starring my new favorites SailubPon. I’m reminded so much right off the bat of PokeTongue’s side dish couple in What’s Zabb Man. Interesting, considering that came from Pon’s former studio. Love the call out of obnoxious content creators (not to mention corporate property developers). I like the chef character, he’s nicely complex. In fact, so far I like most of the characters, it’s a good range of different personality types. The plot is a little contrived and complicated but I don’t mind because the characters are such fun.
The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - Reported on this last week already but here's what I said:
Gun still looks like he’s just out of high school. Madness.
The set for the print shop reminds me of Mork’s dad’s place in ‘Cause He’s My Boy? I swear GMMTV has only 3 sets.
I wasn't looking forward to this show at all. Maybe I just needed more of a break from OffGun? Cooking Crush happened yesterday.
Whatever, because I was absolutely riveted by this first episode.
I’m enjoying The Trainee a lot. Like, a lot a lot. It's not higher up just because there is so much good content from Thailand airing right now.
My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 5 of 12 - Still a chaos muffin no matter which country. So earnest. So cute. Talking stage commence!!!
Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - I got so bored I started looking up ways to organize my sunglasses. Trash watch here.
Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 6-7 of 12 - The exes are odd. I like that Latte finally got some backstory.
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Ongoing Series - Not Thai
I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) Ep 2 of 10 - I’m still enjoying this quite a bit. It’s paralleling the manga quite closely, which is nice. But it’s not gonna be a particularly exciting drama if this continues. The manga is rather quiet (pun intended to amuse not insult).
Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Look, if some kid followed me to college and changed the whole course of his life because I was nice about his dead bird? I'd be skeeved as fuck too. It's odd and uncomfortable, in that way Japan loves. Visuals are on point but can't say I'm enjoying it as yet. Still, it is JBL, and so I am intrigued and open to all possibilities.
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It's airing but...
The Last Time (Thai Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.
OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - I've put the search on hold for and y'all can let me know if it's worth tracking down once it ends?
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In case you missed it
Blue Boys finished it run. I like it quite a bit. This felt a lot like a Strongberry short series. It’s very curtailed and could’ve used some legs but I've been trained into ignoring that for Korean BL. Short has always been their thing. Essentially, two boys who were acquaintances in high school are reunited and it turns out always had crushes on each other. It’s definitely an extrovert meets introvert scenario, and this being Korea, they can’t resist a tiny love triangle in the eleventh hour. But it all came out fine in the end. It has great kisses and higher heat than is normal from Korea. All in all, a surprisingly charming offering. Recommended with some reservations around the brevity of plot and character development. 8/10 
The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!
Next Week Looks Like This:
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Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.
July Releases to Come
7/10 Century of Love (Thai Gaga) 10 eps - trailer here, DaouOffroad are back, this time as fated mates in a quasi historical paranormal moment. San has spent many lifetimes waiting for his lost beloved, to reincarnate from her death a century ago. But if he fails to find her within this century's time window, he will succumb to a tragic death. And this time she's a boy. Very much Director Who Buys Me Dinner meets First Love Again, hopefully better than both. I love this pair and think they can handle the premise, it's whether the storytelling is up to the challenge. I'm curious to see but I have reservations.
7/24 I Saw You in My Dream (Thai Weds WeTV) - Dee Hup is behind this one so I have high hopes. Younger boy chronically teased his whole life by the older boy next door suddenly starts having horrific prophetic dreams about his bully and must save hime.
7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great is a university student from Faculty of Business and the son of a wealthy business owner. Out of the blue, he gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.
7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: that premise! Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS
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Product placement du jour! Also the only product placed in a BL that I regularly enjoy myself.
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Yes I cried. I'm a sap.
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The faens in the wive's positions! So cute.
All Wandee
(Last week)
Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.
The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs
Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.
There's these tricks, remember.
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timdrakemybeloved · 1 year
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Snape makes me so fucking mad holy fuck, I’m incapable of thinking of him positively. I don’t even like Draco and I think of him 10x more positively than I think of Snape.
What kind of person gets bullied as a child and then grows up and bullies the child of his bully like that makes him way worse than James (btw I love James and I fully believe he matured and grew up and is a good person who deserved more than for Snape to tell a literal Nazi terrorist to kill him and his infant son but to leave his wife alive). Snape had way more power over the kids he taught than James did over him and what did he do with it?
He made fun of their appearance and scared them to the point that he was Neville’s boggart (which when you think about it is so awful because 1, Neville’s parents got tortured into insanity and I’m pretty sure he was there, and his boggart probably should have been Bellatrix or his uncle even, and 2, he did it because Neville was the other possible prophecy child and Snape was upset that Voldie didn’t pick him to kill when HE GAVE HIM THE PROPHECY IN THE FIRST PLACE).
He said shitty things about Harry’s dead parents and orphan-hood, was glaring at Harry literally right off the bat so don’t say it was because he got into trouble a lot, asked him questions he couldn’t possibly know, told Draco to summon a serpent during duelling club??? How irresponsible is that???
Literally lied to the minister just to get Sirius killed, which atp is ridiculous (I think Sirius was dumb as fuck, careless, possibly malicious, to tell snape where to go to find moony, but snape literally already suspected that Remus was a werewolf so idk what the fuck he thought was gonna happen if he found him during the full moon, and calling it a murder attempt is a stretch), like grow up please this man was in Azkaban for 12 years which is a hugely disproportionate punishment for anything he did do to you, and the reason he was there in the first place was literally fraudulent, which he knew and he lied anyway.
And honestly the Legilimancy lessons were fucking joke, who looks through an abused kids memories and makes fun of both the abuse and the few good memories he has?? And then he’s surprised that Harry tried to equal the playing field between them?? Snape had way more power than Harry did, and obviously it wasn’t the best thing to do to a person but yk what I’m not going to judge Harry’s actions, Snape was abusive and the victim isn’t to blame for their reactions to their abuser.
And he threw Harry across the room for seeing his memories?? Abuse. To be honest even seeing the memory about James being a bully felt like JKR trying to make shit up as fast as possible to make Snape seem more redeemable, which apparently worked for some people who think abusing kids is okay as long as you have a tragic backstory and an abusive parent. And it actually makes me really mad that he thought Harry was treated like a prince so decided to treat him like shit so he wouldn’t get any ideas about having self esteem or confidence, then found out that he was abused and then just did nothing and tbh treated him worse. And the lessons themselves were actually painful to Harry?? They definitely made his mind more vulnerable, he had more nightmares.
And let’s not forget that he joined a Nazi group that wanted to exterminate people like his best friend, called his best friend a slur, viewed Lily as an exception to the other muggleborns, and invented sectumsempura for his enemies IN SCHOOL which means the Maurauders.
And it makes me sick that he looked in a room with a crying baby whose parents just got murdered, his mom right in front of him, and a dead woman who was killed by his Nazi leader like directly because of his actions, and then he ignored the baby and went to hug the woman’s dead body. Like if I was Lily, I wouldn’t want him near either my body or my child, but if he was my only option, then he better be fucking taking care of my living son. Like she rejected him his weird obsession for her freaks me tf out.
And I get that without Snape asking for Lily to be spared, Voldemort wouldn’t have asked Lily to stand aside and the blood protection wouldn’t have been activated, but literally once good thing happening because of a tragedy he caused doesn’t make him a good person.
Anyway. Think I got it out of my system for now. Fuck Snape. :)
Edit: Just to be clear, I actually find his character really compelling, even though I dislike him and his actions. And of course I’m not saying no one can like Snape.
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WHAT SHOULD I WRITE NEXT?
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Hi friends, my 2 series are coming to an end and I just can't decide what to work on next. I have a few WIPS that have been in my pages archive for about a year (maybe more now?) but I wanted to give you guys some sneak peeks of them to see if I should just work on one of those? or just do something new?
Keep reading for sneaks of 3 WIPS!
Warnings: descriptions or orgies, threesomes (ffm), masturbation
TEACHER SERIES
I don't have a title for it yet but I have 2 parts done. It would be a short series, maybe 3-5 parts. The premise is that Y/N is the new music teacher at a private high school and Harry is the English Lit teacher and they have big crushes on each other from like day one. Here's a sneak peek from part 1:
“… I want to introduce you all to Miss Y/N Y/L/N!” He said cheerfully and she just smiled and waved to everyone from her seat, “She’ll be the new conductor for our choral groups and the school band and will be taking over a few related classes.” “He said ‘miss’, H…” Niall said softly as they both pretended to pay attention to Mr. Blake’s usual speech about how this year things were going to be exceptional and the schedule for some refreshers and training on school policies and that’s how the next hour or so went until he wrapped it up.
Everyone was getting ready to leave, some teachers were chatting a bit, and Harry was grabbing his backpack when Niall tapped his shoulder, “Check out Brian.” Niall sniggered.
Brian was the Biology and Chemistry teacher, but he couldn’t be more clueless about chemistry between people, he was always so forward and tactless in his advances. He wasn’t unfortunate looking or anything, but he had a bad personality and it was showing through Y/N’s awkward smile and the shakes of her head. Her posture was stiff and her eyes darting around, until they met Harry’s again.
 “I’ll be back.” Harry mumbled to Niall, as he started heading over towards them, “Brian, buddy, how was Maui?” Harry asked aloud, diverting Brian’s attention from the pretty girl before him to himself.
“Bro, it was sick! You would not believe the babes they’ve got over there!” He said and Harry’s eyes widened as he nodded along in feigned-amusement.
“Yeah, I bet!”, Harry patted his shoulder, “Well bud, Ni and I wanted to know a bit about the island, we’d love to visit sometime.” He said.
“Oh! Yeah, I have this travel guide in my car, I’ll be right back!” He said, completely forgetting about Y/N, not even shouting out a ‘nice to meet you’ to her before he was hurrying out. She and Harry chuckled and when he turned his attention to her he finally took her in up close, she was so pretty that being near her felt like a breath of fresh air. 
“What was his line?” He asked and Y/N giggled and shook her head. The fact that he knew there had to have been some sort of line spoke volumes.
“It was, “Hi, I’m Brian, the chemistry teacher. I’m sensing some chemistry here.” She repeated awkwardly and he sniggered in amusement.
“Wow, he’s gotten really confident, hasn’t he?” He chuckled and Y/N shrugged, “Well, I now know you’re Y/N?” He said and she smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, that’s me…” she confirmed timidly.
“Pleasure to meet you, I’m Harry, or the English teacher.” He said and she nodded.
“Cool. It’s really nice to meet you.” He smiled as she extended her hand and he took it in his and shook it.
“Well, I’d love to stay and chat,” he said as they pulled their hands back,  “but I’ve bailed you out and now Niall and I will be chatting with Brian for another half hour trying to explain to him that he can’t be appropriating the parts of the Hawaiian culture he has identified with. And we will fail…and then he’ll forget all about it until his next summer vacation when there’s a new culture he can fixate on.” He said and she laughed at his statement. It made him smile wide, her laugh was such a beautiful sound.
“Well, before you go do that, allow me to thank you for bailing me out. I hate when people think they can just hit on you.” She said brows furrowed in some confusion.
“Well Miss Y/L/N, welcome back to high school where everyone is going to hit on you. These boys and some girls are completely shameless, in my experience, that is. I would say come down with the fiery wrath of hell itself before being really nice and they should leave you alone for the most part.” He recommended and she sighed.
“Yeah, I’ll try… well again, thank you, Harry, the English teacher, and uh- I’ll see you in a few weeks.” She said with a friendly smile and he nodded, watching her walk off on her own and right before she left the room she glanced back at him and offered one final smile before she was gone.
"UP TO PAR"
A one shot about Harry the trust fund child. He's come to LA on business with his dad to learn more about the responsibilities of CEO as he's in line to takeover though he really doesn't want to. They're set to golf with the administrators of the LA branch of his dad's company and they have a membership at the country club where Y/N works. She gets assigned to wait on them during their visit. Here's a snippet of that:
“C’mon, we should get going before the green gets too packed.” He said and she just stood without protest and followed along as they went along. There was a golf cart ready for him already with his bag of clubs resting in the holder at the back and soon they took off. As soon as they got to the tee-off location Harry set up as he explained some of the rules. Y/N was completely zoned out just as she was sitting on the cart watching him bend over to get the ball in position. He looked so good it almost hurt.
“-does that make sense?” He suddenly asked turning to her and she immediately nodded.
“Yep, makes sense.” She agreed and he smirked.
“That totally went over your head didn’t it?” He asked and she shrugged with an embarrassed and nervous laugh.
“I kind of tuned out after the first sentence, unfortunately.” She giggled.
Figured…” he mumbled with a chuckle as he stood back up and went to his bag of clubs, “So the first club we’re gonna use is the driver.” He said as he pulled it out and she stood as he signaled her over, “The driver should be used when you’re hitting off the tee, not the ground.” He shared and she nodded, she didn’t even care about this but having him explain was hot enough all on its own.
“I’m gonna lose so bad…”
“We’re not playing a real game, just working on my game and simultaneously giving you a lesson.” He smirked.
“Yeah, alright.” She said and Harry helped her get squared off correctly, directing her on how to position her body and hold the club.
“So when you swing, you just need to be loose, not rigid, though it might look that way.” He explained and she nodded. “May I?” He asked as he came up to her and she nodded. He showed her how to place her hands on the club and she was covered in goosebumps as he hovered over her, his speaking caused the little free-flying hairs by her ear to tickle the shell of it, “So put your hands like this…” he said as he fixed her hands on the rod of the club, “Yep. Just like that, then you’re going to keep this leg planted,” he said patting her left hip, “and this leg’s the one that’s going to pivot.” He explained as he patted at her right hip. “So bend your knees a bit. Yep, good. Now line it up and swing back, keep it straight and then complete the motion.” He said as he swung her forward, stopping right before she hit the ball.
“Seems simple enough.” She smiled and he nodded with a smirk.
“Now you try.” He said and she assumed the position, “Good. Don’t raise it so high. Yeah, looks good. Now swing.” He said and she swung nice and easy and then squinted her eyes to see where her ball went. She was immediately distracted by Harry inhaling loudly before he burst into laughter and she turned to him with a scoff.
“What?” She giggled.
“Oh, love…” he chuckled as he walked past her, just a few feet away and he picked up the ball that had just rolled off of the tee and she looked so confused until she looked down and saw that she had hit the tee and completely missed the ball. Then she started laughing as he came back, his bottom lip was bitten between his top teeth, he looked so cute.
“I thought you said you were a good teacher.” She teased.
“I can only do so much.” Harry said, “Don’t worry though, I did the same thing my first time.” He assured and she giggled.
“Yeah when you were like 7 probably…” she grinned and he shrugged and nodded, “How about you just do your thing, I’m a visual learner.” She said as she took a seat on the golf cart and he chuckled as he set up again. He got in position, squared up, and took the smoothest swing she had ever seen and they both watched as his ball disappeared into the landscape, “Very nice.” She said and clapped a few times for him and he turned around with a smirk.
“I guess showing off for pretty girls is great motivation.” He said and she rolled her eyes playfully as he put his club back and settled into the driver side and they took off. 
His ball was within range of the first hole, which she knew was a good thing. And he easily made it his next shot. He looked really good. And sure, Harry had called her pretty, but she knew he was a bit of a flirt, she wasn’t taking it to heart. As they proceeded through the course Harry was doing well, he only got stumped for a few extra hits in a sand trap. But only because his ball landed right under the lip of it. Y/N had watched enough that she felt confident in trying once more.
“I’m ready to try again.” She said as they took off towards the ball.
“Alright.” Harry smiled and reviewed the steps with her as she walked over to the ball with a different club, the hole was still quite far. “Ready?”
“Yeah.” She smiled and lined up to the ball. Harry bit his lip at the way her bum perked up just a bit, it made the hem on her tennis skirt the tiniest bit higher. He watched her swing back and then she hit the ball. Harry grinned and then his smile dropped as he saw the ball flying way past the hole and towards a group of old guys on the other side of it.
“Fore!” He shouted and she frowned, even she knew what that meant. “Fore! Fore! Fucking fore!” He shouted and waved his arms towards the people the ball was flying towards and they looked around before moving off to the side just in case and even from where they were standing they heard the clang of it hitting the roof of the group’s golf cart. “Ooh!” Harry winced and she pressed herself into his side instinctually, face feeling hot as the sun with embarrassment. She felt surprised when his hand landed around her waist, “Sorry!” He shouted and she waved at the group of old guys in contrition with a sympathetic smile.
“Fuck.” She mumbled and he turned to her, still holding around her waist. He was grinning and she shook her head and just pressed her forehead to Harry’s shoulder as she giggled. Her hands were wrapped around what they could of his biceps and she was trying not to melt in his arms.
“It’s alright, it happens.” He said and she groaned, “I killed a bird once.” He confessed and she pulled back and laughed. He thought it was cute when she laughed, her eyes crinkling all cute like they were now.
“Yeah right!”
“I’m serious!” He said and she rolled her eyes. He playfully pinched at her waist and she shrieked, “Don’t roll your eyes at me.” He said.
“Yes, sir.” She said with a grin and she couldn’t help it as her eyes glanced at his lips. His smile was just really pretty.
“Should we call it quits or do you want to keep going?” He asked and she shrugged.
“Whatever you want.” She smiled.
LVRS Club
This would be a one shot. It's about how Y/N's friends take her to a sex club for the first time to expand her horizons and help her loosen up a bit after she's been under a lot of pressure. Harry happens to be there that night and has taken an interest in her from across the room. Here's the snippet from that:
She saw a neon sign hanging over the entrance of a hallway at the opposite end of the room they’d just entered, “Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here” and she turned to Harry who chuckled and then dipped down to reach her ear better.
“I mean that’s a bit dramatic but in a way you’re never really gonna be the same after you see everything going on.” He explained before pulling back just a bit and she looked to him a bit nervously, “We don’t have to go see.” He said to her and she looked from him back to the sign as she pondered the options before her.
Maybe this was exactly the kind of thing she needed to shock her out of her weird mental state but also her dry spell. As attractive as Harry was, she was positive that he was just being nice, he didn’t seem to be putting any moves on her. Yes, he was a complete flirt, but he seemed to err on the side of caution, which was nice, but a part of her started to wonder what he would be up to now if he hadn’t wandered over to her tonight. She was into him and she knew that when she got home she would certainly pull out her trusty toy and play with herself to the memory of his voice and the smell of his cologne, and his big hands and intense eyes. It would help to hear him explain things to her or encourage her to look at something or describe any smutty thing they saw. So yeah, maybe physically he wouldn’t end her dry spell, but he would certainly help with her pushing past it. She swallowed thickly and blinked up at him.
“I think I do want to go see.” She mumbled to him and he just held her eye contact for a few more second and she nodded, reaffirming her decision and he licked over his lips.
“Alright. Just grab my hand, want people to know we’re together. Don’t want them bugging you or me.” He said to her and she nodded, slipping her hand into his as he offered it up and he proceeded to guide them over. 
“These two first rooms at the entrance of the hall, they’re the orgy rooms.” He explained and she tensed a bit upon hearing that as they neared the opening of the hallway. It was a long hallway. The closer they got the more prominent the sounds of people fucking permeated the air, “Curtains instead of doors so anyone can go in at any time. But of course, gotta ask for permission before you join in.” He said and she bit on her lip and nodded in understanding, “Wanna see?” He asked, stopping by one of the curtains and she glanced up to him with a nervous smile.
“No, that’s alright, I can hear plenty. I’m sure I can visualize what’s…going on.” She giggled nervously.
“You’d think. But ummm…yeah, the things you see in group sex are…things you can’t even imagine...” He said to her with a slight furrow in his brow and her eye brows raised in surprise.
“D-do you like doing that?” She asked and he shrugged.
“I’ve done it before, but I’m not exactly jumping at every opportunity to do it again. I’d really have to be in the mood for it I think.” He explained and she nodded.
“What was it like?” She asked. The soundtrack to their conversation was now the sex sounds coming from the orgy just a few inches away from them.
“Well…being me…the times I did that I quickly became the center of attention. Which was nice to some extent.” He recounted, “It was a lot. Very overwhelming.” He chuckled and she nodded in understanding, “It was fun, but exhausting. I also had some things to do the day after and I was dead and sore and…yeah, just bad timing I think.” He explained with his eyes a bit narrowed at the memory.
“I can imagine.” She chuckled and he nodded.
“C’mon.” He said and led them down the hallway until they reached an intersection. To the left there was a sign for bathrooms and a mostly desolate hallway. But the room that Harry was pulling them towards was one with windows. There were several people lined up around the room watching whatever was going on in there, she couldn’t see yet as Harry was before her. Harry tiptoed a bit to see over the people crowded around and then turned to her, “It’s a threesome, two girls, one guy.” He informed her, “Do you want to see?” He asked her and she felt a bit embarrassed in admitting it, but she nodded. He smirked and she rolled her eyes, “None of that, I was just gonna say good, because from the glimpse I caught it looked good.” He chuckled and she sighed and he turned back and pulled her into the crowd. 
The moment people realized it was him, they started moving to the sides on their own to let him get up near the window. She did feel a bunch of eyes on her as he pulled her along and then he made a space between his body and the window looking into the room and she scooted in as his body encased her between him and the large window. Y/N wasn’t going to lie, it was mesmerizing to watch these very real people pleasuring each other. Currently one girl was getting fucked from behind while she ate the other girl out. She was intently watching everything going on and the sounds they were making. From the corner of her eye she saw some movement and glanced over to see a man rubbing over the evident bulge in his trousers. She quickly reverted her attention to the scene before her and dug her fingers into her purse. 
Harry’s body wasn’t directly pressed into hers, but she could feel his warmth and his chest would slightly touch her back when he’d take a deep breath. She let her eyes glance down to his hands resting on the ledge of the window frame. She bit her lip and felt herself start to get wet when he suddenly tightened up his fists and she quickly glanced up to see what had affected him so much and it was that the man now had his large hand around the neck of the girl he was fucking. 
Y/N wasn’t a stranger to choking, she had only had it done to her once before and she had a phenomenal orgasm from the floaty feeling resulting from the slight breath play and she now looked back at Harry’s hands and she could picture them wrapped around her throat as he pounded her into a mattress.
“I think they’re a couple, the other girl’s leaving.” He pointed out quietly and she glanced up from his hand and focused back on the couple inside as the other girl slipped out and someone immediately went up to her and she rushed off with them. After the third was gone a large portion of the viewers left, but she was just stuck there, watching as this man turned over the girl and sunk back into her in the missionary position, still gripping around her neck as he railed her so hard that her eyes were pinching shut as she cried out.
“Fuck.” She whispered subconsciously and Harry smiled, but didn’t respond. 
He wondered what about what this couple was doing elicited that reaction from her. He wished he could hear her thoughts. Harry was growing hard, he was trying to keep it at bay, but he couldn’t help but imagine what it would feel like to push Y/N’s hips back so that he could grind against her ass while they watched this couple fuck. He wanted to slip his hands under that short dress she was wearing and feel at her knickers, he wondered if she was already wet. The way she suddenly shifted the weight of her body from one leg to the other silently confirmed that for him. Y/N’s breathing picked up as the girl started to finish and then she turned around just to be right up against Harry who smirked.
“I think the point was to watch them come.” He chuckled as he maintained eye contact with her. She glanced away with a timid smile.
“They’re so into each other, it seemed a rather intimate moment to me.” She shrugged and Harry hummed.
“Well, should we keep looking around?” He asked and she looked back into his eyes and nodded.
********
So those are my WIP pieces that are more or less together. I have other stuff but it's more concepts as opposed to started work:)
LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE A PREFERNCE!
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tarithenurse · 11 months
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Living at night
Fandom: Original work, still Y/N reader Word count: 1925ish Content: Vampires, werewolves, ghouls, gore, near death experiences, memory loss. Future chapters: smut, healing, drama...stay tuned for individual chapter warnings! THIS HAS NOT BEEN BETAED – sorry! A/N: Yeah, I know, this is probably a bad idea but I’m sick (okay...recovering now) and I had this really realistic dream and my feverish brain was all like “WRITE IIIIIIIT!” and so I did and now I might as well post it just to prove that I’m alive. Is it any good? No clue, please let me know what you think. Tags are available in exchange for comments and/or reblogs.
1.
A memory flashes: darkness before opalescent moonlight. But it has to give way to the blurry buildings of the town as you stumble through the deserted streets. A single thought in you mind, whispered repeatedly and echoed by the one person next to you. Matteo. Your mind is too blurred to really know who Matteo is except it’s equivalent to safety. Matteo.
You’re scared. Confused. You don’t even remember the name of the person next to you who is promising to get you to where you need to go. But she’s familiar enough with the overdone makeup trying to cover the slightly gaunt, pale skin.
Then it happens, of course: rounding a corner, you rush past the door of a bar just as a group of men exit. Barely scraping one of them, it’s enough to set him off in a drunken slur of profanities as he lashes out against you. A wide swing of his arm that you surprisingly easily dodge...but the look of pure hatred on his face has you stumbling and you aren’t as lucky when he next strikes. The blow catches you across the cheek, sending you sprawling in a puddle.
“Filth,” he snarls, and his friends echo the distaste. “You’ve come to the wrong part of town, sucker. This is Matteo’s neighbourhood!”
“Matteo,” you whimper, making them laugh and jeer.
One of them pushes to the forefront, still keeping his distance, he gets low to study you in the light still spilling from the open doorway. “Lads...this is bad.”
“Hells yeah it’s bad...” the leader of the men cackles, “for her!”
“Matteo. Matteo?” It’s the only word from your lips, now a prayer for safety although you’re not sure if that’s based on reality.
A new whimper rises in your chest, long and whiny as the guy apparently in charge of the bullying pushes his own friend aside to step closer still. Crawling backwards away, you’re scrambling for a way out, only too late discovering that you’re in an alley with only one exit: the way you came in. Past the group.
“Matteo!”
“Hear that fellas? She’s begging for the boss to come finish her!”
Not once has he taken his eyes off of you, as though expecting you to fight back. But you’re so tired. Every limb in your body is aching. And still you can’t help but blink in astonishment at the spectacle that’s beyond the tears of fear: vibrant colours that put the gaudiest paintings to shame and it’s late into the night still. You can pick out green flecks in the man’s eyes, every hair in his scruffy moustache that doesn’t quite suit him – his jaw is too weak for it. You sense the wet air, and the stench of dog wafting from him.
Then the senses are blocked out by blinding terror as he is upon you, a strong hand around your throat.
“Matteo!” you cry out in panic.
His lips curl to bare his teeth. “That’s right, sucker, call for him. Give us an awoo, why don’t you?”
“This is a bad idea, Jack,” the only cautious member of the gang warns, standing off to the side as if wanting to witness it all anyways.
“One eensy, teensy awoo?” the guy called Jack simpers, slackening his grip on your throat.
It is teeny. More of a whimper or even a question, the thin howl barely makes it past your lips on the first try but it’s enough to make them all laugh. Except that one reluctant guy. When urged to try again, you manage a bit more volume at first but the sound dies as Jack lifts his hand and you see that instead of nails, he has claws.
It’s a nightmare! It must be.
“Matteo,” you still sob, desperate to be saved or woken up.
The shadow is preceded by a low rumbling growl and you have the delicious chance to witness a man’s face transition from smugness through surprise to resignation before Jack drops you on the ground. He never gets as far as to turn around or even stand up, though, before something tears through him.
You know, maybe more clearly than you want to, that the image of a man torn limb from limb will be forever burned into your mind...still you’re relieved because the figure that takes his place is one that you know you must recognize: Matteo.
Your saviour looks tall from your prone perspective. Heavy coat hanging open from broad shoulders and shortish hair almost vibrating with the pent-up rage that’s oozing from him. His a strong guy, a sinewy bulkiness honed by hours of work as a lumberjack, you think. Shack leader? You aren’t sure, but obviously his presence puts him in charge regardless and everyone has instinctively taken a couple of steps back.
Whimpering, as if it’s the only sound you know how to do, you stretch your hands towards him. You’re not sure if the hesitation on his behalf is real, but you know the scent that welcomes you by heart and he leans down to grasp your hand, pulling you to your feet, although there’s a hint of dog that you’ve never noticed before. Maybe he’s gotten a pet since last you saw him? When was the last time you saw him? You don’t remember and your spiralling thoughts are curbed as he pulls you close behind him, rounding on the group of men.
“Off limits. She’s not one of them,” Matteo growls, making the once so tough guys shuffle sheepishly. Then he rounds on the only guy that had tried to stop Jack: “Make sure it’s taken care off. Meeting tomorrow night.”
You know the words are not meant for you, but you can’t help but feel that they’re caused by your presence. Your existence. Still, you don’t ask any questions as Matteo rushes you out of the alley and in a zigzag pattern towards his home. He seems annoyed that you have a hard time keeping up with him but he stays quiet about it, merely adjusting his pace after a grunt of surprise.
Perhaps your slow pace is the reason the hesitant guy catches up on the two of you. You notice it just as quickly as Matteo, but where his instinct is to pause briefly to allow the other man to fall into step, yours is to rush on, only halted by a strong arm about your waist.
“It’s okay,” Matteo whispers to you only, “it’s Al, you can trust him.”
What other choice do you have?
From then, there’s little way to go. A jangle of metal alerts you to keys being passed to Al so he can rush ahead and unlock the door, holding it open for you and Matteo.
“Basement,” your saviour grunts, now almost carrying you – and you’re thankful for it as your legs are threatening to give out from under you. You’ve never felt so weak before. “Cage.”
Perhaps the word should worry you, but you’re too tired to even register anything else than the soft bedding that smells deliciously of Matteo. You don’t even stir as something clangs next to you.
Mumbled voices to the side. Something about a “bait-bag” that makes no sense. Then retreating footsteps before Matteo comes to sit on his haunches as close to you as the metal bars allow.
“Who did this to you?” But you don’t know. Can’t recall. It doesn’t matter anyways – not anymore. “Shit, Y/N, you need to drink.” You are thirsty. Parched. Starving actually but in a weird way that you don’t recognize. “Well, I’m no good for you, so hang in there.”
It takes a moment more before the sound of Al coming down the stairs makes Matteo sigh in relief. Then a plastic bag is shoved into your hands and you manage to peek a glimpse from under heavy eyelids.
Donor blood. Like some sick joke.
Here you are, thirsty like fuck and they give you that all of things? Maybe it’s just a look alike, wine instead of blood or maybe some juice...but no, every instinct tells you this is the real deal. Groaning, you push the bag aside.
“No. You gotta drink, Y/N,” Matteo admonishes, “need to rebuilt your strength. Knife.” The last word is aimed at Al who complies, handing your friend (is he your friend?) the tool so he can cut off one of the stoppers. Tossing the knife aside, he grabs you by the neck through the bars so he can tilt your head upwards, mouth agape and slowly, gingerly begin to pour the contents into you.
You should be revolted. And at first you do gag but that also means swallowing a bit of it and you swear to everything in existence that it’s the best stuff you’ve ever had. Still too weak to lift your arms fully, you only manage to hang on to Matteo’s wrist as he feeds you every last drop. And with each ruby bead of liquid, you feel strength return.
“That’s it,” he coos, “just a bit more.”
That bit is gone too soon, but now you have the power to sit on your own, eyes taking in every detail of the cage you find yourself in. Heavy metal with scratches and notches. The floor is padded with blankets. The place is almost as high as you, just missing a foot or two and it’s perfectly cubic.
“Sorry about that, Y/N,” Matteo smiles wryly, motioning the metal bars, “at least they were not intended for you...but you’re gonna be wild the next couple of weeks at least.”
“What’s...? Why did...? I don’t understand,” you finally manage.
Matteo sighs. “Yeah...this will be a longer explanation. Get comfy.”
He tells you story of monsters and myths, most familiar yet impossible. This story features a small town of supernatural beings that have manages to live under some sort of truce or cease fire, where the minority of “normal” humans are wonderfully unaware.
Until now.
You shouldn’t believe Matteo...but you do because something tells you that this isn’t just some weird vivid dream that you’ll wake up from any moment. You wish you could: sitting in a cage in the basement of the only person you can remember, splattered in drying blood...yeah, that’s not anything that’s been on your bucket list.
“You don’t remember who sired you?” Matteo asks not for the first time. Shaking your head, all that you can recall is walking home after a long shift. Exhausted as always these days. “Well...maybe once you’ve rested up. Better get you cleaned up anyways, I guess. I’ll head to your place for some spare clothes and stuff...anything you want from there?”
“Why can’t I go with you?” You don’t like the idea of him leaving. Or rummaging through your place.
“We’ve been over it: town’s split in three and this is the Wolves’ Den. Vamps are on the other side of Main.”
There’s nothing condescending in his voice, just cold fact that reminds you that yeah, you did just down a bag of blood.
“How long?” You motion to the bars.
“Depends how quickly you calm down.”
“I’m calm.”
Matteo scoffs. “You just fed, of course you’re calm. Let’s see how you’re doing when I come back,” and with that he gets up and leaves, taking Al with him and locking the basement door behind him.
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welcometololaland · 2 years
Text
Fic Origin Story aka. Hyperfixations: the Original
A bunch of you tagged me back in this which is...fair because I should probably do my own if I'm going to expect people to tell me their life fic story. I'm SORRY I'm so obsessed with knowing about people it's a problem.
I'm living for all your responses please keep going I beg!
1. What was your first fandom (reading and/or writing)?
I don't think it's a secret that I once upon a time wrote for the fandom that shall not be named, but my first fandom was actually Veronica Mars. I read fic on some website that no longer exists but was devoted entirely to LoVe (Logan/Veronica).
I never wrote and never left comments like a complete dick, but I was also 14 and it's like common knowledge I was a complete asshole as a child.
2. What was the first story you ever wrote (even if it was never posted) and what made you decide to write it?
For fic, it was a ridiculously terrible self-insert Veronica Mars story (except I inserted myself as a best friend not a love interest...interesting choice). I remember my character surfed and made people eat Vegemite. Which...I can't surf and I'm not even going to address the Vegemite thing.
I think I was 14. It never saw the light of day thank GOD.
3. What's a piece of advice you would give to your younger fic-writing self?
Wait, and find something you're really passionate about. I'd get stuck on a bunch of chaptered fics that seemed like good ideas but I had no real fire for. Then Speak for Yourself happened and I was like damn, this is what writing is supposed to feel like.
Also, don't write in the second person. Who does that? (me, I did that)
4. What's an early fandom interaction that stuck with you (be it a nice comment, a friend you made, a fic that got a lot of feedback etc.)?
A. The day @everwitch-magiks left me a comment and changed my life by ushering me into a group of fandom friends and lighting the RWRB fire.
B. The day @rmd-writes dropped into my inbox with a gentle 'hey, do you want to let me in your doc for beta purposes?' and then took up residence and never left my G drive / heart.
5. Post a sentence or two from one of your older fics, and a sentence or two from a newer one (if you want).
I have regret for accepting this suggestion. The below fic is a Hunger Games fic I wrote originally in 2013? but i reposted it to Ao3 in 2020 (shame - why did I do that). Also, note use of second person - a bold fucking choice that did not pay off 😂:
Time is something that you seem to forever wish for, and never seem to get. It feels like your whole life has been spent trying to grasp time with a firm hand and will it to stand still. It seems like you race against a clock ticking more rapidly with every day that passes. As all humans, your days are finite. But as the particular person that you are, chosen to lead a sick, twisted life of triumph and tragedy, the days slip by you so fast it feels like it is over before it has really had the chance to begin.
This is from my newest fic (which is somehow approaching 40k and only 3.5/10 chapters) 😬😬😬
TK rolls his eyes. “You’re pretty unobservant for a private investigator,” he murmurs. “If one more person offers to buy you a drink, I’m going to buy you a wedding ring and force you to wear it.”
“You’re— What?”
“I’m jealous,” TK says drily, arching an eyebrow in Carlos’ direction. “Didn’t realise I needed to spell it out for you.”
Carlos frowns. “Of annoying hedge fund managers trying to buy me overpriced drinks and talk me into heli-skiing?”
“Hedge fund managers in Austin?” TK smirks. “Oh baby, you found a good one.”
Not tagging anyone because I already spammed a bunch of people but tagging @reyesstrand @carlos-in-glasses @rmd-writes because you tagged me back and @clottedcreamfudge because you taught me how to be ridiculous and now you must deal with the consequences of your actions.
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prettypiscesgal · 2 years
Text
Friends without benefits 2
part 2 - read part 1 here
Summary: You have a friends with benefits relationship with Eddie, but it all falls apart after the beautiful Chrissy Cunningham catches his eye.
Warnings: angst & implied smut
Listen while reading:
Fight or flight - Conan Gray
Bad Habit - Steve Lacy
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“Hey, sorry I’m late. Mr. Collins was on my ass about-” My explanation dies on my tongue as I take in the scene before me.
Chrissy was sat on my seat next to Eddie, her cute cheer uniform still on and she’s smiling softly, giving me a little wave.
It’s been a week and I’ve tried, really tried, to wash down my hate and jealousy. The fact Eddie could so easily jump into a relationship with Chrissy after keeping me a secret for months. I’ve endured him, trying not to let him notice how much I despise him. I know it’s not fair to hate him for not having the same feelings as me.
He’s not a villain, he just doesn’t love me.
But it’s very hard. I haven’t talked to him much. Always giving him short responses and ignoring him to speak to Dustin or Mike. And i’ve started walking home so I don’t have to sit in a car with him and Chrissy. I don’t think I could handle that.
“Hey Y/N.” Eddie smiles as if everything was normal. “We already started without you, but you can still pull up a chair.”
They started without me.
They never start without me.
Yeah, it’s not like I’m a player, but they always wait for me to start.
And Eddie always saves that seat for me.
Always.
Fuck, I know it’s not that big of a deal, but I can feel my eyes starting to tear up. I can’t stop crying, I haven’t been able to stop crying over everything recently.
“Um, actually I’ll just skip out on watching this one.” I reply, trying to keep my voice steady. “But, um, I’ll just see you guys at my place later for the party.”
“Party?” Eddie says, his eyebrows scrunching.
“Dude.” Dustin rolls his eyes, “The birthday party for her cat? Bowie? The one she’s been planning since September?”
“Oh, right! Sorry, brain fart.” He smiles, shaking his head and I look at the ground, trying to hide how my lip quivers.
He can’t even remember the party. The party I spent all those late nights talking with him about. He wasn’t even listening, no, probably just waiting until he could take my clothes off.
Fuck him.
“Eddie. What about our date?” Chrissy whispers softly, looking to him.
“Fuck, you’re right, princess.” He says, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, “Sorry. We planned to go out tonight.”
“No, it’s all good.” I reply, quickly wiping my tears before anyone could see. There’s no way I’ll ever let this asshole see me cry over him. “I was actually going to cancel the party. I mean, who throws a birthday party for a cat anyway?”
I awkwardly laugh, everyone else looking at me worriedly, “But we’ve been talking about it for months. You’ve been planning it for even longer.” Mike says.
“Yeah, but it’s stupid. Its all stupid!” I exclaim, my arms flailing wildly. Everyone is looking at me with concerned expressions. Except Eddie. He’s just looking down at the table as if I wasn’t even there. “I’ll see you Monday.”
I ran back to my house, crying my heart out the whole way home. I was sick of feeling like this. Sick of being the second option. Hell, if we’re honest, I wasn’t even an option.
It doesn’t matter now. Eddie found his person and I have no one.
I suck it up for a couple hours, long enough to pull out the cake I had made for Bowie and light some candles on it. After, we cuddled and watched his favorite movie, Labyrinth, of course.
“I’m sorry more people couldn’t come. I kind of have no friends now.” I whisper to Bowie, cuddling him tighter to me.
“Meow.”
“Except you of course. You’re my best friend.”
———
“You’re such a fucking idiot, Eddie.” Dustin said, pulling Eddie away from the group to scold him.
“What’d I do now, Henderson?” Eddie replies, pulling his head back in confusion and shock.
“Can’t you see how horribly you’re treating Y/N. You really skipped Bowie’s party for a date? You know how much that meant to her!” Dustin scolds, pressing his finger into Eddie’s chest accusingly.
“I..” He trails off, not knowing how to respond to that. In reality, he’d been focusing so much on Chrissy and their relationship because he was scared. It was new and fragile and he didn’t want to upset her and have her leave. He cared about her.
“Do you even care about Y/N anymore?”
“Of course I do! What the fuck are you on about!?” He replied immediately, becoming defensive.
“You have basically shut her out every since you got with Chrissy. God, are you really this dense?” Dustin shakes his head like a disappointed mother.
“No I..” Once again, he cuts himself off. He knows it’s true. He has shut her out and he hasn’t been focusing on her because of Chrissy.
Because he knows she can so easily destroy their relationship with one look.
“I love her.” Eddie admits and Dustin’s jaw drops. Eddie’s eyes widen at what he just admitted. Of course he loves her. He was just so sick of waiting for her to give him any sign that she felt the same. And when she didn’t even flinch at the idea of him asking Chrissy out, he thought he should just move on.
That proved as a difficult task because no matter how hard he tried to focus on just Chrissy, he couldn’t.
He couldn’t replace her.
“Well, you got a funny way of showing it, idiot!” Dustin yelled, stomping away and leaving Eddie alone to dwell on his own idiotic mistakes.
———
I decided to skip school today and cuddle up with Bowie. I need some time to recollect myself and all my emotions. Because I think if I saw Eddie right now, I’d immediately slap him in the face.
“Bowie? Where you going?” I ask, watching as the cat suddenly jumps out of my arms and runs over to the window. I climb out of bed and walk over to the window.
“Nothing’s here, b- OH MY GOD!” I scream when a head comes popping in the frame of my window and I fall backwards onto my ass.
I look back up to the window to find Eddie’s face, snickering at the fact he just scared me so bad I fell on my ass.
Oh, he is so lucky I took those anger management classes back in 7th grade.
“What do you want?” I ask, opening my window to look down at him, who’s currently clinging to the roof of my garage.
“Can I come in?” He asks, looking down at the 10 foot drop with a gulp, and then back to me.
“No. Go hang out with Chrissy or something.” I roll my eyes, looking to Bowie at my side who is glaring at Eddie.
“Meow.”
“Bowie doesn’t want you here either, so..” I shrug, starting to close my window, but he quickly grabs it with his hand and pushes it back open.
“Okay, Bowie loves me.” Bowie replies with a hiss to his words and I just raise my eyebrows with an ‘i told you so’ look. “Come on, I just want to apologize.”
“To me, or Bowie?” I ask.
“Both of you.” He says, looking up at me with puppy dog eyes. Which, even though I’m so fucking pissed at him, look really pretty in this lighting.
Oh, fuck him and his perfect eyes.
I groan, walking away from the window and leaving it open so he can climb through. I can practically hear his grin as he stumbles through the window, into my room.
“How would Chrissy feel knowing your alone in another girl’s bedroom?” I can’t help how much venom is in my voice. I don’t have anything against Chrissy, I’m just a jealous bitch.
“We broke up.” He replies and I quickly turn to face him with a shocked face.
“What!?”
“Because I love you.”
“What!?”
“I said-”
“I know what you said, numb nuts.” I scoff, “God, what are you doing? What the fuck are you doing?”
“I.. what?” He looks at me, confused and a little scared.
“You are such a fucking mess, Eddie.” I groan, dragging my hands down my face. “If you love me, why’d you get with Chrissy? Why’d you treat me like shit after you got with Chrissy? Why’d you just use me for sex all those months before that? Why did you break up with her and come crawling to me as if that immediately fixes everything? Fuck you!”
“I-” He just stares in shock, opening and closing his mouth while trying to think of how to respond. “I didn’t know you liked me back-”
“Didn’t know!?” I cut him off, “Are you blind? Or are you just stupid?”
“Okay, fuck!” He finally shouts, flailing his arms around. “I’m sorry! I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. You’re right, I’m a mess! I never had girls actually want me before, I’ve always just been the freak, and you were the first girl to ever show interest in me. And I didn’t even know what to do or think and I thought you just wanted sex and didn’t want to actually be seen with the ‘Freak of Hawkins’. I mean, fuck, you were the closest thing I had to a girlfriend before Chrissy. I thought I could just start dating Chrissy and replace you because I couldn’t take just having sex with you and not loving you. But obviously that didn’t work and I found out that she was just dating me out of pity, so, I’m sorry and I love you and I don’t know what else to say.”
We both stare at each other with wide eyes, Eddie breathing heavily after his long rant. I look down to the ground while I try to process everything.
I mean, as far as excuses go, I suppose that was a pretty good one. I guess we were both just pretty blind and stupid.
“Um.. So Chrissy said she dated you out of pity?” I ask, looking up at him. He nods with his head down. “Wow. That’s pretty embarrassing for you.”
“Fuck you.” He laughs, shaking his head and I smile at the sight of his pretty face.
“I can’t believe you were trying to replace me with Chrissy. God, you’re an idiot.” I say, pushing at his shoulder.
“I know.” He pushes my hand away, smiling at me, “So.. you forgive me?”
“No.” I reply and his whole face drops.
“Oh come on, what do I have to do?” He whines, giving me those same puppy dog eyes.
“Get on your knees and convince me.”
His eyes shine at my words, “Gladly.”
———
sorry for making you wait
also some people’s @ weren’t working so sorry if i couldn’t tag you.
love you all !!
@honneypies @fujiihime @bratckerman @munsonzzgf @spookybabey @eddieslotionbottlecap @thegirlthatsfalling @lexthemess21 @insomniac23 @mega-fandoms-everythingrock @celestialallysum @grimmbunniee @deadpoolgirl23 @missgay15 @strangerdangerb1tch @hellv1ra @bambi-laufeyson @st-sucker @ksldicne0 @aedicn @elxctro @bisexual-d0ughnut
691 notes · View notes
taechaos · 3 years
Text
Silent Treatment
from Textbook Love drabble series
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pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader
genre: drabble, smut, college au
synopsis: Why did you reject him? He’s consumed by his thoughts and theories of your behavior because you didn’t say a single word to him. If your actions were anything to go by, which apparently speak louder than words, you didn’t even want him to touch you.
warnings: slight angst, drugs, arguing, dubcon, cunnilingus, mild degredation
word count: 4.2k
tags: @mwitsmejk @1-in-abillion @kooookie
a/n: the request (contains some spoilers). i'm gonna take a very short break from this couple to write other requests!! hope u enjoy 💗
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The shift in the Spring weather is unpredictable. One moment it’s chilly, and the other sunny. Humans can only adapt so much, and it causes an outbreak of common colds. Most people recover easily, handy medicine soothing their sore throats, syrups suppressing coughs, and nose sprays ridding the blockage. You, on the other hand, are not that lucky. With a weak immune system, you’re very careful to not get sick, but there must have been a slip-up because you’ve somehow lost your voice after catching a cold.
You sniffle and cough, but you can’t speak. It’s advised to not exert your vocal cords in cases like these, and that is just so unfortunate for you. The last thing you’d ever want to do is spread your sickness to Jungkook, and that meant not getting too close to him; it meant no kissing. 
A very large white placard is spread out in front of you on the wooden table, and you’re plastering printed images of a specific global issue on it. You’re sitting on a bench with two of your friends as they chatter mindlessly while you work. Jungkook has a project about climate change due in a few days, and it’s supposed to be very important for his final grade. You’ve already written him a script for his presentation along with a stick prop to point at specific pictures. It’s fun, glittery and he’s going to love it. 
“Hey,” Minnie, your friend, calls for you, “we’re going to get some coffee from Starbucks. Want us to get you green tea?”
Soyeon laughs when your eyes light up; it’s your favorite beverage, and it’s supposed to help with your sore throat. They leave with a smile after you give them a hyper nod and you’re alone as you adjust your woolen scarf around your neck. You need to heal as fast as you can so you’re no longer missing your beloved’s affection.
Jungkook has been feeling more inclined to approach you without reason lately, but that doesn’t mean it’s a common occurrence. Getting teased by his friend, specifically Taehyung, about having a sissy crush on a girl like yourself angered him to no end. A hit always got him to shut up, but not for long. He’s walking your way today because there’s no one around to judge him for talking to you. 
You’re tearing a double-sided tape when he sits on your table, carefully avoiding your materials. Your breath hitches as his eyes gloss over your work in progress. “Working hard, I see,” he comments with disinterest. He doesn’t say anything about your efforts, but he’s impressed. The corner of his lip tugs upwards before he leans in for a kiss. You have enough self-control and concern for his well-being over your desires to lean back before your lips make contact. His face is close to yours as he pauses and slightly frowns before trying again. He receives the same results and finally pulls back. 
“You did well,” he frowns at you and speaks as if you’re a child, “I’m praising you.” Your eyes are darting back and forth awkwardly and you don’t know what to do other than sit in silence. You put your hands on his knees as a resort and his frown deepens as he watches you. “I can take a hint, you know. You don’t have to fucking ignore me.” He roughly shoves your hands and stands up before storming off with a scoff. You’re torn between following him and being responsible over your belongings. You can’t let his grades go to waste because of a small misunderstanding, so you decide to text him instead. There’s always a possibility someone might steal his project. Or maybe after he’s cooled off? You delay the message, but somewhere in your heart, you’re satisfied by his reaction because it’s clear that he wanted to kiss you.
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Heavy footsteps clomp against the sidewalk before Jungkook slumps on the seat next to Taehyung. It’s an isolated area for smoking students at the back of the campus, and his friend group is no exception to this role. They’re taking drags of cigarettes individually as Jungkook glares at his boots. They’re chunky and a bold black, and his dark outfit paints him as the big bad wolf. It fits, because he’s ready to attack when he’s filled with so much resentment. Why did you reject him? He’s consumed by his thoughts and theories of your behavior because you didn’t say a single word to him. If your actions were anything to go by, which apparently speak louder than words, you didn’t even want him to touch you. It doesn’t make sense, but you also grimaced at him, but then why were you doing his homework? He’s feeling frustrated, and upset all the same.
“Someone’s troubled,” Seokjin points out with a mouthful of smoke. “Kookie?”
Said boy only grunts in response.
“Did the lousy girl finally see you for who you really are and leave you?” Taehyung doesn’t hesitate to mock him with a pout. “Tragic.”
“Shut the fuck up, Tae,” Jungkook spits and sends him a death glare, fire flaming in his fierce eyes. “Go actually talk to a girl or something, and leave me alone. I can’t take your shit right now.”
The low blow doesn’t affect Taehyung in the slightest as he holds up his hands in defence with comically wide eyes. “Relax, tiger.”
“Moving on from Tae’s inability to talk to girls in broad daylight, what’s up with you Kook?” Namjoon butts in, earning a fake cough from the receiving end of the insult.
He pauses for a moment before babbling, “I hate those bitches. My mother for one, couldn’t stand wearing clothes whenever she saw a dude. Moving on from guy to guy, unless they’re a fucking asshole. What do they want? Why are they never fucking satisfied?!”
A moment of silence passes among the huddled friends before Yoongi breaks it with a joke, “Who’s the lucky girl?” It doesn’t land as Jungkook deeply sighs in response. “Did she cheat on you?” he tries again.
“No,” he murmurs.
“Then…?”
“She… I don’t fucking know, she gave me the silent treatment. She leaned away from me too,” he shakes his head with a quiet groan, “it just doesn’t add up. I got mad and left.”
“No way that could’ve ended up badly,” Taehyung chuckles but purses his lips when he’s sent another dirty look.  “How long was the interaction anyway?” 
“Like 30 seconds.”
“Are you coming out tonight?” Yoongi asks and puts out the burning tip of his stick. “Could help you feel better.”
“And we’ve got molly,” Namjoon adds.
“Yeah, fine, whatever.”
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Alcohol’s effect on a person differs in moods, and Jungkook is usually a horny drunk. Being a sad drunk is a first for him tonight, but he’s just so confused. It made his heart drop when you outwardly refused his advances and anxiety blossomed in his chest, which he has no idea how to deal with. It kicked in fight or flight instincts, and he just… hated the idea of you not loving him, even if it’s momentary. He can’t bear staying in a situation that makes him feel so insecure, and that feeling is supposed to be left in his childhood. You just about brought out the worst in him without doing anything. 
You didn’t do anything.
It’s 10PM and he’s waiting on your usual good night text that he never responds to. It’s so pathetic, and he hates himself for being so used to your affection that it worries him when he’s deprived of it. He’s never doubted your love for him, but his insecurities are churning his gut. It’s an overflow of all of his pent-up emotions, and he can’t handle it.
“Here,” Taehyung pops in out of nowhere, clutching a pill in his hand. There’s a bottle of water in the other as he holds them out for Jungkook to take. “Stop moping and get laid.”
“I’d say the same to you, but you’d probably start crying during sex,” he mumbles and uncaps the bottle before throwing in the pill and washing it down with the water. “Thanks.”
“See that girl over there?” he ignores him and steps behind his miserable friend to point at the owner of the sultry gaze directed at Jungkook from the bar. “She wants to fuck you. Or maybe me, but I’m passing her onto you.”
“How kind of you,” he sarcastically replies.
“Uh-uh, so you’re gonna be in ecstasy in about 10 minutes. Don’t fuck this up.” He slaps his shoulder before disappearing into the kitchen. It’s a lonesome party because not a lot of people are allowed in when drugs are involved. Causing a ruckus, receiving a noise complaint and then getting arrested is out of the question. 
He isn’t interested in sex with a stranger - not today at least -, but he hopes for it to change as he waits to approach her. Maybe drugs will rile him up enough to have fun with someone else and rid his mind of you. It’s an annoying itch on his brain, so he rests his head against the couch to comfort himself with the soft fabric. He’s sleepy from the beer he drank earlier, and he doesn’t know how time goes by so fast when he closes his eyes.
A few minutes must have passed, because he’s starting to feel dizzy in his seat. A smile carves on his face as his mind grows slightly fogged, and he opens his eyes to find the girl quietly chatting with a friend. When she glances at him, he beckons her to come over. She mouths a “be right back” to her friend before strutting in his direction.
“Hey,” she smiles down at him before sitting on the couch. She’s aristocratic, chic and pretty. “Sorry if I weirded you out earlier.” Her voice is sweet like honey, and her words flow out of her tongue so naturally. A dream girl, really, and Jungkook is starting to get horny.
“I don’t mind,” he reassures with a subtle seductive tone, “what’s a girl like you doing with this crowd? You look too innocent.” He wraps a finger around a strand of her hair and twirls it. It feels strange.
“My friend sent me here, told me to watch over someone,” she lowly speaks. “I’m Soyeon.”
“Nice to meet you, Soyeon,” he breathes before crashing her lips with his. His hand reaches down to grip her thigh, tongue poking out to swipe the sticky gloss. It’s flavored, and it tastes of strawberry. When she kisses him back so slowly, innocently, it turns him on so much. His pants feel tight around his crotch as he runs another hand through her soft hair. Compared to him, she’s passionate whereas he’s sloppy. He’s starting to get dizzier, and it feels so fucking good, but he hates it.
There is not a single reason for him to not enjoy this, not when his mood is lifting so high. The hand on her thigh lands on her cleavage instead and she’s so submissive and shy, but something’s off. He groans into her mouth before biting her lip, ripping a whine out of her. Why does she sound so sexy and annoying?  
He pulls away from her before sighing in irritation. “Fuck, I can’t do this.” 
“Did I do something wrong?” she asks worriedly.
“No, just, fuck.” He starts laughing before rubbing his palms on his eyes, “I really want to fuck, but I just can’t.”
“We can just chat,” she softly suggests. “What’s your name?”
“Jungkook.”
He removes his hands from his face when she goes silent. Her eyes are wide and she’s gaping at him… guiltily? “Crap,” she hisses quietly, “I was supposed to make sure you were okay. My roommate is like, super in love with you and asked me to come here.”
He says your name in a question, wondering if it’s you. When she nods, he asks for your dorm instantly.
“She’s in room 124… Why?”
When he stands up, there’s a sway in his posture but he recovers quickly. There’s an involuntary grin on his face as he thanks her ignorantly. He’s out of the villa in a rush, and he has the overwhelming urge to just run. The campus is a bit far away from the house, but he doesn’t care as his footfalls echo in the dark streets. He has so much energy to waste, and with his current stamina, he’s confident he’ll find you before dawn. It’s stupid but it’s fun, and he doesn’t care for catching his breath as the corner stores pass by him in a blur. 
Throughout the two hours of his reckless jog, where he mixed up directions multiple times, his mind is starting to clear up little by little. He’s happy because of what Soyeon told him, and he feels relieved upon seeing the familiar college building. He’s not allowed in dorms at this time, but he’s done this too many times to get caught. Except he was drunk in those instances, and being on MDMA was different. Sneaking past security was tough because he couldn’t bring himself to tiptoe without making so much noise. When they glanced at him, he thought it to be the only choice to just run past them. He’s in the elevator by the time they catch on, and the numbers look wonky in his eyes but he presses the button for the right floor. 
He’s shifting his weight repeatedly in an attempt to contain his excitement; he wants to see you so bad. The moment he hears the ding of the elevator, he’s running past the halls and stops upon seeing 124. He has to squint, but he knows this is your dorm. 
You wake up with a silent gasp when there’s a pound on the door. You clutch your sheets in fear until someone starts to sing your name. “Jungkook?” you mouth to yourself. You stand up and look through the peephole and there’s a man on the other side who’s bouncing on his feet impatiently.
“Open up,” he sings loudly. You’re worried when you swing the door open and yank him inside so he doesn’t wake up any other students. You try to talk but only a wheeze comes out, so you switch on the light to see him instead. The brightness hurts your eyes as you close them for a few seconds. “Well, well, well, look who we have here…”
He starts to circle around you slowly and stumbles behind you. “Sending people to spy on me after rejecting me like that.” His words are slightly slurred and you turn around to face him with a pout. You point at your throat to give him a hint, but his eyes don’t waver from your pleading ones. “What are your intentions, huh?” he weakly pushes you, “Sending me mixed signals. Who- who do you think you are?”
You hold his hands and place them on your neck, trying to communicate with him by mouthing, “I’m sick,” but he only chuckles. He seems sickeningly joyous, but he’s not over his anger. “Still not going to talk to me? What did I even do?”
You deeply inhale from your nose because he’s not paying attention to you. You’re frustrated with yourself until he yells, “WHY WON’T YOU TALK TO ME?” The surge of serotonin, his state of euphoria is crashing down on him the more you ignore him. He had believed the drug would only make him happy, but it intensified his sadness and anxiety just as much when he saw you. It helped him forget you in a social circle, but you confused him so much after he was reassured for so long - coupled with your silence, he’s raging.
“Why are you ignoring me?! What did I do that was so bad that you can’t bear talking to me anymore? You told me you loved me, please,” he chokes and tries to swallow the lump in his throat. “I-I’ll make it up to you, I’m so sad right now. Just say something…”
You’re watching him in shock and a hint of fear from his fluctuating mood. You want to cry at how pitiful he looks, but instead you aim to grab a piece of paper from your bedside table. He misreads your actions and pushes you against the wall. “Stop this. Stop!” He has your arms pinned and he’s trying so hard to intimidate you so you give in. A dry sob leaves you because he's going mad, but then he has a sudden epiphany. “Maybe you’ll love me again if I fuck you hard enough and engrave it in your brain that you’re mine. Yes, yes!”
He starts unbuckling his belt and you immediately try to stop him; he’ll get sick! He shoves you again and pulls down his jeans before mashing his mouth against yours. All of your efforts have gone to waste when his tongue forces its way down your throat. There’s no point to denying him now, so you hesitantly kiss him back. You’re so guilty, and he’s so careless as he roughly pushes his hand down your white cotton shorts. You’re wearing a navy blue sweater to match so you don’t get cold in the night, but the shorts are meant to prevent a fever. What’s the point now, then? He hasn’t even read your texts that you only remembered to send before sleeping. He missed a whole paragraph of your explanation and confronted you so angrily.
“I’m going to fuck you all night,” he growls against your lips, “then you’ll remember how much you love me.” Your moans are quiet and hitched as he presses down on your clit through your panties. His other hand is on his cock as he strokes it eagerly, ready to get inside you. “I missed you so fucking much in one day,” he whispers in a croak. Hearing it makes you feel even warmer inside as you nudge his hand to urge him to enter you. “You missed me too, huh?” he takes notice of your neediness. “Shouldn’t have fucking brought it upon yourself then.”
He removes his hand from your shorts and taps your thighs before demanding, “Jump.” You bite your lip in consideration until he taps them harder and you quickly wrap your legs around his waist. Your shorts are relatively short, resembling loose boxers, so when your back is pressed against the wall he only pushes them and your underwear to the side before thrusting into you. A scream gets caught in your throat, and you forget all about your aches as he roughly fucks into you without caring for protection or lube. It stings only slightly, but the pleasure in feeling so full of him outweighs the pain.
Jungkook is moaning and groaning as he bruises your thighs in his hold. Your panting is all he can catch, and though the feeling of you is an amplified sensation because of the drug coursing in his system, he wants to hear you chant his name as well. “Still quiet?” he tuts and carries you to your narrow bed and you cling onto his shoulder while trying to catch your breath after the sudden attack. “Your cunt is throbbing though,” he says as he pulls out of you and drops you on the bed. He manhandles you by flipping you on your stomach and holds up your ass. He finally takes off your bottom clothing, but he’s slightly dizzy as he yanks them off your ankles. He spreads your thighs apart and you’re on your knees with your head against the mattress. “I wonder why that is,” he says before slapping your pussy, making you whimper quietly. “So wet, yet you don’t even make a sound. Some whore you are.” You purse your lips and muster a whine, but it’s interrupted when he pistons his cock inside you without warning. Your sounds are hoarse as he pounds into you from the back, hands kneading your ass to the shape of his hands. He gives it a spank as he moans loudly; the new position makes it feel so much more intense, and Jungkook loves it. His ears finally get to hear your pathetic mewls as he thrusts so deeply inside you that your vision blurs with tears and your eyes roll to the back of your skull. You feel like a doll that can’t speak or move, and he’s evidently enjoying it going by his rushed pace. You’re challenging him with your silence, and he loves proving himself.
All of a sudden however, he stops moving. You look behind you with a pout and he quirks a brow at you. You grit your teeth because you know he's waiting for you to tell him to continue, or rather daring you to do something. A sudden surge of confidence overcomes you and you gently slam your hips against his, fucking yourself on his cock with your eyes screwed shut.
“Yes, baby,” he strains, “show me that you're still my good girl.” At his encouragement, you meet his thrusts faster and you're seeing stars at how amazing it feels. You want to be his good girl so bad, and you arch your back to savour the pleasure. “Your pussy is mine, all mine,” he affirms to himself and stills your hips to turn you around without removing his length. His fingers are digging into your flesh and your tits bounce under the fabric as he rams into you restlessly. Your mouth is open in a silent scream and he can barely make out your pupils, the whites of your eyes stirring his climax at how attractive you look under the poor lighting. “I love you so fucking much,” he cries, “say it back, baby.”
You try to, but you can only dryly cough. “You fucking bitch,” he hisses at your defiance and pulls out of you to pump his length. He’s close to his release, and he pushes up your sweater to see your hard nipples that make him salivate. He crawls to slide his cock between the valley of your breasts and it hurts when he harshly pushes them together. “Stick out your tongue,” he commands in a whisper, and you do so while panting like a dog. Every time he thrusts upwards, the tip of his head grazes your tongue and leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. He’s massaging your tits as he stutters between whines, and eventually his load spurts out to land on your chest and cheek with a particularly loud groan. His cum surges down his shaft as he rides out his high with the last slow thrusts. 
“Oh fuck,” he sighs airily and collapses next to you in the tiny space available. You clumsily turn on your side to give him more room and he pecks your swollen lips. He zips his pants back up and you’re still naked from the waist down. You’re staring at each other adoringly in the romantic, fragile atmosphere; another first.
“I love you,” you croak finally. It’s quieter than a whisper, and it makes you cringe at how hideous you sound; it’s painful as well.
His face lights up once he registers your words before noticing the tone. “What happened to your voice?”
“Sick.” You can’t bring yourself to say anything more as you snuggle into his side and he instinctively wraps an arm around your shoulders.
“Shit,” he murmurs, “why didn’t you tell me that sooner, idiot?”
You slap a hand on his front pocket where his phone is, and he hastily takes it out to see a bunch of notifications from you. “You sent it at night, you’re still the idiot.” You giggle and roll your eyes. “A promise is a promise, though,” he purrs before cupping your bare heat. “I did say I would fuck you all night.” You widen your eyes when his head lowers down to face your sopping wet cunt, and he slowly licks up a stripe over your soaked folds, making you shudder and grip his hair. He’s leaving kitty licks all over your sensitivity, the tip of his tongue lightly brushing against your clit every now and then. Your hips lift involuntarily, and he finally takes your clit in his mouth and sucks on it loudly. He slurps your arousal before spitting it back on your hood, and you can only squeak in response. Your hazed mind only tells you that you want more, and he doesn’t fail to provide.
Two fingers enter your clenching hole, and he’s scissoring your walls as he messily eats you out. The pleasure from earlier returns all too soon and you know you won’t be able to last long. His lids are hooded when you glance down at him and the way he’s looking at you makes it even harder to resist your orgasm. The knot in your stomach picks back up right before unraveling and your moan is raspy as you start twitching under his relentless mouth. He grows gentle and leaves kisses all over your vulva until your body falls limp on the sheets.
After another round of penetrative sex, the two of you fall asleep from exhaustion in your bed. It’s a first for the both of you, and Jungkook decides in his drunken mind that tonight won’t be the last. It feels so intimate when he cuddles you, and you won’t ever forget his love confession.
The next morning is not so pleasant however, as Jungkook wakes up with a loud sneeze and in his now nasal voice says, “God fucking damn it.”
751 notes · View notes
writemekpop · 3 years
Text
Bad Romance (Part 1) | Lee Taeyong
Pairing: Lee Taeyong x Reader
Summary: Your boyfriend Taeyong wants to fuck you, but you're not ready...
Genre: Angst, Smut, College AU 
Word Count: 1.8k
Warning: Sexual Content, Toxic relationship 
Part 1 ⭐️| Part 2
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Taeyong’s breaths were deafening in your ear. Couldn’t he try to control himself? For discretion, at least. You imagined every ear in your university dorm pricking up. Snickering. “I wonder what they’re up to.” 
Taeyong kissed you again, his hot lips colliding with yours.
His hand, ever so slightly rough, pushed up your shirt, sending goosebumps up your ribs. A moan sounded, deep in your throat, and Taeyong groaned in satisfaction. 
You felt instantly guilty. You’d told yourself your ancestors wouldn’t mind if you did this for him. But you’d promised not to enjoy it. 
Taeyong knotted one hand in your hair. You felt the other one slide up to your back to unclasp your bra. His hand dwarfed your back, sending sparks rippling up your shoulder blades. 
“Are you okay with this?” he murmured, voice husky. You nodded. It was a lie.
The truth was, you’d never had sex before. You’d barely even kissed a boy. 
When all your college friends were in the basement snogging boys, you would hover by the doorway, holding their drinks. When they began to tease you, you just pretended you couldn’t hear them. 
Even when everyone started saying you ‘batted for the other team’, it just felt like a relief. Maybe they’d finally leave you alone. 
You were a feminist. You fully believed that women weren’t shiny, unwrapped presents that had to be protected for marriage. But you were also a fake. 
Because the idea of sleeping with a stranger still made you feel sick inside. 
Well, Taeyong wasn’t a stranger; he was your boyfriend. So, you would just have to grit your teeth and get on with it. 
Taeyong’s hand slid down between you. You squeezed your eyes shut. It would be over in a minute; that’s what your friends were always joking about, right? 
Then, you heard the unmistakeable clink of his belt buckle. Suddenly, that was the most terrifying sound you’d ever heard.  
“W-wait,” you croaked. 
You clung onto Taeyong’s firm wrist. 
He was breathing hard, his pulse pounding under his papery-thin skin. You were sat on his lap – so you could feel how ready he was, and it frightened you. 
He would hate you for what you were about to say, you knew that. 
“I can’t. I’m sorry.” 
You rolled away from him, pulling your knees up and hugging them. Burying your wet eyes in your knees, you waited for Taeyong to leave. 
But you didn’t feel him get off the bed. 
Instead, there was absolute silence. A shiver ran down your spine. 
Then, his muscled arms were wrapping around you. Taeyong eased you till you were lying on the bed – fear closed in your throat – but he wasn’t trying to have sex with you. Instead, he helped you pull your T-shirt back on, and guided you so your head was resting on his chest.
You felt his thundering heartbeat slow to a steady, comforting pulse.
Taeyong pressed a kiss on your temple. For a second, your stomach curled; it was so fatherly. You mentally scolded yourself. Taeyong wasn’t like other guys. He was caring, and sensitive, and you should be grateful.  
“If you wanna go slow, let’s go slow. You’ll always be my girl,” Taeyong whispered.
So, you pushed down the niggling feeling that ‘always’ had an expiry date. It was time you learnt to trust someone, and Taeyong was the perfect person to let in.
---
Over the next few months, you tried your best to forget about that night. And it was easy enough – Taeyong was electrifying. 
You’d never met a man who could tell a Basquiat from a Banksy and didn’t even show off about it. 
Each night, after lectures, you’d sneak off to some gallery late opening, and take photos of each other for Instagram. 
Or, you’d just snuggle up in his dorm room and listen to him telling you all about his Art History course, or his dreams of starting his own gallery. 
You rarely spoke. You preferred to soak in his world, like a cat curled in the sun. And let’s face it – who wanted to talk about Maths, anyway? 
Taeyong was like a shooting star: totally uncontrollable, impossible to understand, yet hopelessly fascinating. You couldn’t believe why someone like him seemed to find you interesting. Or at least, worth spending every day with.  
---
The second time Taeyong scared you was a Saturday.
You were sitting in his lap, poring over one of his Art History books. Other than toying with a curl of your hair, or pressing a kiss to your shoulder, Taeyong was totally still.  
Sighing with pleasure, you flicked through the glossy pages – for the hundredth time. No wonder Taeyong would always say: If I wasn’t rubbish at Maths, we should’ve swapped courses.
Just then, you prised open a page you hadn’t seen before. You frowned. 
It was a scan of an old Japanese painting. In it, a wealthy couple were captured in a furious argument with a young woman, carrying a baby. It was entitled ‘Outside Wife’. 
You turned to Taeyong, finger on the title. “What’s that?” 
Taeyong lifted the book from your hands, then grinned. “It’s when a noble couple are forced to get married, but the man has another wife to, you know, satisfy his needs.” Taeyong chuckled dryly. “Unfortunately, that system isn’t available anymore.” 
You began to chuckle too… then your smile melted from your face. “What do you mean, unfortunately?” Goosebumps rippled over your skin. 
“Ah… it was just a joke. You know, we’re not exactly getting any.” Taeyong’s body still felt relaxed under you, but your muscles were tensing. 
“I thought you said you wanted to go slow…” you mumbled. 
Of course. You should’ve seen this coming. 
There was only so long a person could go without their needs fulfilled. And here you were, dragging your boyfriend down while he could sleep with any normal girl whenever he wanted. 
“I’m not ready yet, Taeyong.” You picked at the frayed wool of your jumper. 
Your throat closed as you prepared for what you would say next. “If you… need to sleep with someone else, I won’t blame you,” you whispered. Stupid, babyish tears were filling your eyes already. 
“Babe – it was just a joke! No need to get your knickers in a twist.” Taeyong laughed, and kissed your neck. 
When you still didn’t make a sound a moment later, Taeyong turned you around on his lap so you were facing him. Tears streaked freely down your cheeks – you couldn’t hide them. 
“Oh, baby….” Soft as a whisper, Taeyong placed his palm on your cheek and smoothed away the tears with his thumb. “I don’t care about your… problem. You’re my girlfriend, and what’s good enough for you’s good enough for me.” 
A small part of you hurt at the way he said problem, but you pushed that part away. You allowed him a small smile. 
Laughing, Taeyong pulled you into a bear hug. You’d never gripped his shoulder so tight. You were so lucky to have him. 
----
A few weeks later, Taeyong finally convinced you to accompany him to a house party. You knew what this meant. You’d been dating for four months – this was the ‘meeting his friends’ moment. 
All the time you were getting ready, your stomach had transformed into a pit of snakes. Excitement, anxiety, fear – they all wriggled and knotted about inside you. 
You chose a midnight-blue playsuit, in a glimmering velvet. When Taeyong pointed it out to you in the shop, you knew this what you’d be wearing. 
To be honest, you hated Taeyong’s friends. You were pretty sure Taeil had tried to sneak vodka into your coke, and Mark did nothing but yap on endlessly about his girlfriend in Canada. You were almost 100% sure she didn’t exist. 
But as soon as Taeyong’s mahogany eyes met yours across in the heaving living room, all your worries melted away like snow. All he had to do was raise one deep eyebrow, or pull his plump lips into a silly face, and you’d burst out laughing. 
Except, as the hours drew by, you realised you hadn’t seen Taeyong in a while. You were perched on the stairs, shivering next to everyone who was too zoned out to take part. 
“Taeyong?” 
Tip-toeing, you climbed up the stairs, calling his name. You pushed open each of the doors in the hallway, peeking through your fingers just in case anything funny was going on. 
But they were all empty. 
Just as you turned around to go back downstairs, you heard voices coming from the attic. Gingerly, you sneaked up. They grew louder, more defined. 
Pushing open the door just a crack, you heard:
“Really? My god.” 
Your heart jumped. You knew that rich, resounding tone better than your own voice. It was Taeyong. 
You considered climbing up to join them. But then, you heard something that stopped you in your tracks. 
“And the worst thing is, Irene thinks she’s some kind of sex goddess, but actually she’s awful. She just lies there like a limp doll, expecting me to do everything.” It was Doyoung speaking. 
There was a pause as they all laughed. 
Your heart was already twisting. Something about his tone felt… wrong. Like his girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate what he was saying. 
Then, you heard Taeyong say, “Mate, at least your girlfriend’s fucking you, even if she is awful at it. I haven’t got any for months!” 
Everyone in the group exclaimed in disbelief. You forgot how to breathe. 
“Yeah – I know. Y/n thinks she’s some kind of saint for “waiting for the perfect moment”. I mean, a guy’s got needs!” Taeyong’s voice was low, but to you he could have been screaming. 
Black spots were engulfing your vision. Gulping, you staggered backwards, out of the door. You didn’t want to hear what you heard next. You really didn’t want to.  
But you couldn’t help it. Not when Taeyong said, “You know, I don’t even feel bad about fucking Joy. I mean, I had no choice. If Y/n wasn’t so frigid, I wouldn’t need to. It’s her fault really.” 
That was it. 
You sprinted away. Pushing through the line of partygoers waiting to use the bathroom, you locked yourself inside.
Then, you curled up on the toilet seat and sobbed. 
It had finally happened. 
Your gorgeous boyfriend had finally realised that he was miles out of your league. He didn’t deserve the defect. He didn’t deserve the fake feminist who was too ashamed to admit how sexist she really was. 
Then, a thought entered your mind that make you perk up. 
Maybe you could pretend you’d never overheard Taeyong. Maybe you could go back to how you were before… Or maybe you could sleep with him and make him forget about all other girls. 
After all, you’d do anything to keep him. 
Anything.  
Read Part 2 here.
---
MASTERLIST
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physicalturian · 3 years
Text
[18+] Deranged Love - Hanma Shuji x F!Reader - Part 1
[Probably contains spoilers from the anime and the manga] [She/Her pronouns used for the reader, no physical description; Everyone is +18]
Words: 9403
Archive of our own
Warnings : Explicit! / Blood / Injuries / Guns / Bruises / Choking / Blood / Graphic depiction of violence / Killing / Murder / Crying / Trauma /
Summary : Wrong place, wrong guy. Wrong in so many fucking ways it only made the attraction more sick and twisted...Yet I wanted more of him and would end up doing anything for him, with him.
If you feel like I should add more warnings, send me a dm or and ask, I'd rather be safe than sorry
- - -
Routine.
This would be how I would describe my way of life, a routine. I liked it like that, it was safe, comfortable and I was sure of what would happen. Far from me the idea of only doing the same things over and over again, I would sometimes go out with my friends or see a movie—doing things on a whim was not off the table. But I liked knowing what I was signing up for. Surprises, however, never were a thing I enjoyed—seeing my friends in my house when all I wanted was to relax after work was something dreadful and annoying to no end. I would pull through and be a good host, nonetheless, making sure everything was enjoyable, but I would be drained by the end of their stay.
Perhaps that need for reassurance, for a safety net, was the reason why I never truly took an artistic path or even considered any artistic career. It was too free, too unpredictable, too risky. Never could I have imagined myself doing such a thing; those who did were in my eyes the boldest and I admired them greatly for following their dream, but I was not bold, I preferred the solace of a job I knew would always bring me money. A simple 9 to 5 job was fulfilling enough for me; for some it was not, but I enjoyed it. It was something I could do and found relaxing to do, even when there was more rush. It just made sense to me.
There was not much thrill in this job. The people were nice enough; the clients were a bit bitter from time to time, depending on whether the job we had done was in their favor or not. Some of my colleagues would tell me crazy stories about some firms they had worked on or with and I would have a hard time believing it, but perhaps it was because different departments would deal with different types of clients. I had simple people: homeowners, tax payers, easy stuff. I liked it.
Now, even if I was keen on this routine that I had of going to my job, using the same transports, the same paths, headphones in to ignore the people around, I knew when following that same path would bring me trouble. I knew when to break that routine even just a little bit.
Tonight was one of those rare occasions. As I walked back home from work after having had to stay one more hour to help my colleague Darren fix his mistake—I made sure to tell him he owed me for helping him this late—I saw a group of men surrounding someone on the street. With one glance around, the entire street was empty except for those seven men and their victim. The usually crowded place was completely deserted and as I wondered how it could have happened, I noticed bikes at the end of the road blocking any possible traffic. It did not take a genius to know this was something far above me, there was no way I would interfere with that. Turning around, I made sure my steps were less heavy, less determined and started walking back. I did not have time to think I was going to get out of there safely when I heard, “Miss! Call the police-“. A thud sound, followed by a pained moan reached my ear.
When I dared look over my shoulder, I saw the man on his knees, blood pouring from his nose. I recognized him, he was a creepy older man that would sometimes stay longer on the train to look at younger women. Glancing at the other people around him, I kept my face as neutral as possible. Should I call the police? The outfits they wore all had the same sigil on them, the same pattern, and since they did not look like high schoolers I hardly believed those were school uniforms. Which led to the conclusion that they were the ones the news talked about a lot. The city was filled with gangs fighting over territory, not hesitating one bit to kill anyone who would cross them. I was sure of myself, assertive, yes… but I did not possess a savior complex. Seeing that man on the floor made me realize how wrong the system was, but I could not risk taking part in the situation and helping him. There were too many and clearly a lot scarier and stronger than I was. Looking away, I kept walking and heard them laugh, “That’s the right thing to do missy, he deserved it-“ “I said I was going to pay as soon as I got the money!” The victim interrupted; he was speaking very fast, but the fist smashing his jaw was faster to tell him to shut up. “It ain’t about that, you know it!”
Playing my music again, louder this time, I walked away and let them deal with everything, taking a different route than the one I would usually take. It’s alright to not have helped, you wouldn’t have made a difference… But he deserved it… I can still call the police… A turmoil inside my head started as I kept walking. After a few minutes, I grabbed my phone and dialed the police department’s number; they picked up quite fast, asking me what the emergency was. “There are gang members beating up a man in-“ “I’m sorry ma’am we can’t help with that, have a nice evening.” And just like that, the person on the other end of the phone hung up. Looking at my phone incredulously, I called again, all while taking a turn and walking by a warehouse, “Hello, you must have misunderstood me earlier—it is not a joke, there are gang members in the-“ This time, I was not interrupted by the person on the phone but by my arms being grabbed suddenly.
My heartbeat picked up, I suddenly felt sick and my head started spinning. When things like this happened, we’d always think it only happened to others, so when I realized it was happening to me, I did not feel well. Blood drained from my face, from my entire body. It all happened so fast: one moment I was walking past the warehouse, then suddenly my phone hit the ground and I joined it when I was thrown on it with force. My cheekbone took all the damage as someone pressed the side of my face onto the wet ground and made sure to put weight on my back to stop me from moving. I was shivering in fear already, but that fear only grew when my hair was pushed out of the way by a bloody hand, its knuckles painted red and brown from fresh and drying blood. The action did not feel one bit intimate, it was scary, intimidating. With the pressure on my back, I was pressed against the hard floor and could barely breathe, but in a situation like this I knew better than to talk.
I knew that. Yes.
So why did I talk? Why were my nerves acting up in moments like these?
“I am sure you got the wrong person—I’m just an accountant-“ A gun was now pressed against my cheek, I took it as a sign to shut up and did so. The man on my back twisted the gun a few times against my cheek, making me open my mouth from the weird movements against my teeth, like someone forcing a dog to open its jaws to get food out of it. “Aren’t we noisy? Tonight wasn’t the right night to feel heroic, girl.” The man asked as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I closed my eyes in discomfort, my breath hitching. Laughing sadistically, he continued talking, this time his tone lowered, “Rats shouldn’t snoop in businesses that aren’t theirs.” I felt the weight shift on my back, then heard him ask someone, “Keep beating him up, I’ll take care of her then we’ll continue having our fun,” His voice was stern but I still heard some tones of him being carefree, he was enjoying this. He then addressed someone else, “Sounds good to you?” The answer consisted of muffled cries, attempts at screams that were cut off by hits then a gun cocking. With a sigh, the man on me pulled the gun away from my face and tutted the man who was bound on his knees.
I felt the weight leave my back but did not dare move, I stayed right where I was. Steps on the humid ground were heard, getting away from me but clearly approaching the man who I assumed was being tortured. The gun fired soon after, startling me as I tensed up and closed my eyes a few seconds before opening them again. The crazy man that put me on the ground laughed loudly, “Come on, it’s just the thigh, you can still walk for now, yeah?” He had said. Turning my head to look at them, I saw the older man on his knees, hands tied behind his back and suit bloody. His tie was undone, and he had wounds all over his face and chest. “I said you can walk, yeah?” Recognizing the voice, I could put a face to my aggressor as I watched him remove his glove before grabbing the victim by his arm and making him stand up, only to force him to wobble a bit. “See! I am being nice! Talk and it’s all over, come on.” He cooed in something that could be seen as sweet if it wasn’t happening in a warehouse with violent people and a man bleeding on the ground.
“I told you! I don’t know anything I-“ The man with the long earring in his left ear did not think twice before punching the office worker in the face with enough force. I believe I heard his nose crack. I caught a glimpse of the tattoos adorning his hands but could not decipher, from how far I was, what was written on them. The crazy man laughed after the punch, “Wrong answer! Haha, you have one last chance, ok?” He said, leaning over so that his face was at the same level as the other man’s. From my place on the ground, I could only see the wicked smile on his face, and it made me feel uneasy. The tall violent man was clearly crazy, having such a man roaming the city did not seem safe at all and it scared me to think of what else was happening in the shadows. “Alright, alright, please Reaper-“ The man he called Reaper gripped his chin tight and chuckled, “Straight to point, I don’t have time to waste on vermin like you, you’re no fun.” He said as a matter of fact, as if they both believed this. His face had turned serious so quickly that I feared the moment I felt like I could escape, he would change his mind in half a second.
The bleeding man nodded quickly, tears streaming down his cheeks, “It’s Silas&Sons—That’s the name of the firm that discovered something was off-'' While I was left in shock at the mention of the firm I worked at, the Reaper grinned and brought the gun to the man’s forehead, “Wasn’t hard, was it?” the man tried to tell him not to shoot, adding that the violent one had promised he would stop. The latter shook his head, “I said it’ll all be over! Listen carefully next time,” He said the last part like a parent berating their child then winked and pressed the trigger, killing the man in less than a second as his body hit the ground, blood spattering behind him. The man with black and blond hair looked at the body on the ground and chuckled to himself, “There won’t be a next time, but you get the jest.” He huffed with a wave of his hand before handing back the gun he had been given earlier. Turning around, his eyes locked on mine. I widened my eyes in pure terror and turned my face to be in the position he had left me in; I was aware he had seen me, but I was hoping he would not mention it.
The other people that were in the room had gone silent and were probably all looking at me, the woman lying on the floor, shaking, dreading for her life. The odds of me coming out of this unscathed seemed to be decreasing the more I observed what was happening around me. A stinging pain reached my scalp making me hiss, as someone lifted my head from the ground to make me look at them. While turning my head their way, I saw two men sitting on a crate, one with two braids that were long enough to go down to his ribcage while the other had shorter purple hair and glasses. Boredom adorned both their features alongside blood stains on their outfits, and yet they were nonchalant about it. I saw a man leaning behind another crate but barely managed to catch a glimpse of his tattoo that the man called Reaper snapped his fingers in front of me. “Here, I’m your tormentor, not them, yeah?” He grinned. Meeting his gaze again, I forced myself to keep my mouth shut and kept my eyes on him.
“You’re being courageous, not even crying yet! You’re a fun one, gotta love it.” He said happily, his hand patting the cheek that had taken most of the damage when he slammed me on the ground. I flinched when I saw his hand approach my face then winced at the rough touch against the bruising skin. “What will I do with you little rat? Eavesdropping ain’t nice, tattling ain’t it either.” The latter was said in a more serious tone as his expression turned somber, any humor that dripped from his words a moment ago was completely gone and he was now looking at me with caution. “Get up, come on.” I did not have a choice, the grip in my hair did not slacken and I had to follow his movement to avoid most of the pain. My clothes were dirty and damp from the humid ground; I felt my legs shake as I got to my feet and hissed at the pain when he yanked my hair for me to follow him quicker.
Pushing me forward, he threw me against the crate where the two other men were sitting. Hitting my shoulder against the wooden item, I swore under my breath and was about to fall to my knees again when the man with the long braids wrapped his legs around my neck and somewhat choked me. Caught off guard, I gripped his shins tight and tried to break free, but his hold only tightened. I heard him mock me while he dug his heels deeper in my biceps from the position he was in, “Stop moving and it’ll stop hurting, fuck you’re stupid.” He sighed with disdain, bringing me closer towards him but it only pressed my neck against the wood. Gritting my teeth, I stopped trying to get him to let go and let my arms fall to my side, when I felt the choke weaken and took a large intake of breath while focusing my eyes anywhere but on the man in front of me.
The manic laughter I had now heard many times in those few minutes I was on the floor reached my ears again, “I can see you wanna live, what are you willing to do to stay alive?” He asked in a light tone. It was a real question, but I did not want to do anything. I wanted to punch them and make a run for it, but they had guns and strength, none of which I could match in any way. I kept my mouth shut again.
The Reaper chuckled again, “I don’t know if you keeping your pretty mouth shut is a curse or a blessing-“ he stopped himself and slapped my now undamaged cheek with as much force as he could, making me yelp at the pain. I kept my face turned the direction his hand had turned it, but he gripped my chin forcefully and made me look at him. His expression had turned almost sour as he stared right into my eyes, “Fucking answer the question, what are you willing to do?” he spat, his face only breaths away from mine. Keeping a frown on, I uttered, “I wasn’t calling on you, there were people blocking another road-“ His mouth contorted into a smile once again as he pushed my face against the crate before letting go as he threw his hands in the air, and turned around on himself once, “She speaks! God it’s so entertaining to see you’re—Still. Not. Crying.” He gritted through his teeth the last three words before leaning over once again, his face very close to mine just like before.
“You’re telling me it’s a coincidence then?” He asked in a playful tone, clearly mocking me.
Fuck I wanted to make a run for it and get away from here. My heart was trying to beat out of my chest the longer I spent time here, the only thought running through my mind was: I am going to die here. How else would I end up? He had killed a man that had told him what he wanted to know, so no matter what I said he would kill me, right? Stammering a bit, I nodded the best I could with legs still around my neck, “Yes, I hadn’t seen you were here, I-“
“You’re funny! I’ll give you that! God you’re-“ He pulled back and made a rapid movement of his arms approaching me, as if putting me on display, “You’re fun! Ran, let her go.” The first part was said in excitement, the latter in the utmost seriousness. The moment he had spoken those words, the man let go of my neck and I was about to stumble when the Reaper grabbed me by the shoulders. He was tall, strangely tall, way above average, and it only added to all the traits that already made him scary. My whole body tensed, I thought this was it. He glared at me for a few moments before speaking to one of his friends, his gaze never leaving mine, “What do we know?”
An unknown voice reached my ear, it was close, so it must have been the other man on the crate, “Seems like a civilian, said she was an accountant. She also seemed surprised when the vermin said Silas&Son.” That perked the Reaper’s interest.
“Oh, so the little girl knows things. Have they sent you?” He asked, forcing me to look up by gripping my chin once more. He did not care the amount of strength he used, he couldn’t care less if I was uncomfortable, to him I was just a puppet that he could throw around and play with. Clearly he was right since I moved along and did not fight back. If I did, I would die, I was sure of it. “I was walking home from work—I saw my usual path was blocked and people were ganging up against a man so I-“ “You ran? The rat isn’t one for conflict, eh?” He patted my head and smiled almost reassuringly before letting go of me, making sure I fell on the floor. “Then? Make this quick, this ain’t the time for a bedtime story.”
“I called the police so that they could check—they said it was none of their business so I tried again and you-“ Fuck I was stuttering, the stress was too much and once I had fallen on my back, he was a lot more intimidating. He could just pull out his gun and shoot me, I could not get up with how I was shaking.
“You tried to do the right thing, right?” He asked, his back now turned to me. I could not gauge his emotion, so I replied sincerely, “Yes, it was all that I could do-“
Suddenly he turned around and pointed a gun at me, grinning, “Wrong! You could have helped the poor, poor man on the street, yeah? But you didn’t, why?” I did not reply right away, so he waved the gun around before crouching right in front of me and taking a good look at me. “They were too many-“ “That never stops a hero, does it? It’s all about charisma, determination, letting your body act faster than your brain, no?” He asked rhetorically, but while I waited for him to continue he sighed and looked down, his gun dropping lower as his arm fell limp. He started mumbling to himself a moment, using the gun to scratch his hair. Perhaps it was not the most adequate time to do so, but I looked at his outfit and saw he was wearing suit pants and a white business shirt. Quite the outfit for a murderer, but he had made sure to pull his sleeves up to not stain it. He was right in doing so since all the blood from earlier was on his black gloves and his forearms.
“Tell me, rat,” He slowly looked up and gave me a wicked smile, “Are you a hero?” He brought the gun to my forehead and all I did was close my eyes in fear. A sob escaped my lips as I tried to back away, but I was only met with the wooden crate, accidentally bumping my head against the shoes of one of the men sitting on it. “Do you believe there is good in this world? That it deserves to be saved? Hm? Would you die for this pathetic excuse of a world?” He pressed the gun even more against my skin. I heard the click as he disengaged the safety and tried to close my eyes even more than how I had already shut them, but found it impossible. My entire body was shaking, there was no helping the sobs escaping my mouth even by covering it.
I felt a gentle hand push my hand away and opened my eyes in confusion, only to see that the man who was holding a gun against me was grinning, “Answer the question.” He turned the gun horizontally and rested his arm on his knee as he placed his head on his free hand, completely relaxed. Getting lost in thoughts, I stared emptily at him while he started counting down, “Three…” Am I a hero? How would one describe a Hero? None of the mythological heroes could define me, none of those famous franchises either. “Two, think faster.” What answer did he want? Should I give him what he wants, or should I just be honest? “One-“
“I’m not a hero, I didn’t call right away because he deserved it, I-“ Taking a deep breath, I tried to take a hold of myself and calm down the best I could. “He harassed people, no one ever did anything about it-“
“See! Wasn’t hard, was it? Good girl,” He patted my head before moving the gun under my chin and raising it with the end of the gun, his finger never leaving the trigger, “You’re also a bad person then, you’re like us, right? Some people do deserve to die!”
Shuddering, I took a shaky breath and inhaled, “I’m nothing like you-“ “If he died it’s because ye didn’t act quick enough, don’t you agree?” He inquired with a pleading look, the mockery never leaving his tone. “I don’t, no.” My words were followed by the gun leaving my person as the man stood up quickly and barked out a laugh before asking his friends if they had heard that, they only grumbled in reply. He tucked the gun in the back of his pants and I quickly let my head down in fear I had triggered him somehow, frightened it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. “I like you, accountant woman. I just wanna see one thing to know what I should do with you—well two, but I’ll start slow.” Bringing his arm behind his back, I tensed again but then felt the gun hit my ankle as he threw it at me.
“Shoot me,” He ordered as he crouched in front of me, his arms crossed over his knees while grinning broadly. “I killed a guy, right? I am bad, killing me should make you a hero.” His little speech was stupid, it only started a vicious cycle of death with no end. Killing a killer that killed one person? It’d make me a killer that killed one person, and so on. But he brought his hand to mine and wrapped my fingers around the handle of the gun before pressing it against his forehead. “Here, you can’t miss from this close, show me you got guts! Come on, do it.” That grin turned into something scary, manic, he was getting off on the thrill. But my hands were shaking, I had never held a gun before, never intended to, but tonight was nothing if not exceptional. When I tried to put my arm down, he grabbed my elbow and kept it up, “It’s you or me, come on, make this fun for both of us-“ “I’m not shooting you in the head! You’re insane-“
Hearing my words well, he barked a laugh then guided the gun to his heart, one of the men behind me sighed and told him to hurry up, but the Reaper only shushed him. “Here, then? Sounds better?” Nothing was right in his head; I couldn’t understand what he was doing. No matter how hard I tried, I did not know the point he was making, but taking all this time to think about it made me lose the position of power he had given me. Forcing my hand to let go of the gun, he took it and, at the speed of light, put it in my mouth, making a sob escape it as he did so. “That’s a missed opportunity, too bad.” He shrugged then as I saw him press the trigger. I closed my eyes, my hands gripping my thighs so tight, it must have left some marks under the fabric of my pants.
The click of the trigger echoed, and I felt myself jump on the spot at how loud the bang was—so this is it? That thought crossed my mind rapidly, but was shoved aside by the loud ringing in my ears. I then heard footsteps echoing around the warehouse. The gun was no longer in my mouth, there were no bullets, it was a blank; I felt my stomach churn and opened my eyes in panic before pushing my tormentor away. I was surprised when he let me do so, but it was better for him. Slamming my hands down, I was on the floor as I emptied my stomach on the concrete. Chuckles reached my ears along with the whispers of a few words, “Can’t even stomach a bit of gun play.” “Should have killed her, blood stench leaves easier than vomit.” The latter comment made one of them laugh.
When I was done, I thought for a second that death was quick, most of the time. And when it wasn’t, you expected it, you weren’t filled with stress. Hence why no one ever spoke of post-mortem vomit. It made me laugh only for a second until I was pushed back on my ass when the man with the earring pressed his foot against my chest, making me wince. “Your name, what is it?” he asked seriously.
Feeling some sort of confidence build up, I looked up at him and leaned over, using the hem of his pants to wipe my mouth, but did not answer. The seriousness on his face turned into the look of someone who had been challenged; he snapped his fingers, then I heard someone say my name, my birthdate and my birthplace. Looking at the person who kept reading out loud, I saw the man with a tiger tattoo on his neck approach before tossing my wallet at me. I did not know when they had found the time to pickpocket me, but they managed to. My cheeks were burning up from the sickness, the stress and the embarrassment this entire situation brought but I still tried to keep my head high, for what it was worth. Bringing my hands to my face, I only now felt the tears that had rolled down my cheeks.
“Okay little tattletale, I think I’ll let you go for now-“ “Are you not going to kill me? Isn’t this what you do?” I asked in a weak voice, not even attempting to get up after all the time you had been mishandled. Both the man with the earring and the tattooed one were standing in front of me. The former reached out for my hand to help me get up, I did not take it, so he sighed loudly and bent over to grab my bicep and forcefully get me up. “We only kill snitches and annoying fucks, are you one of those?” I was about to tell him no when he leaned over suddenly and pressed his index against my lips to shut me up. Startled, I tried to step back but he held the back of my head with his free hand and beamed, “No, you’re not. You’re gonna be useful, you’re just the right amount of malleable,” The finger that had left my mouth moved to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, I shivered in disgust, “I can see it in your eyes that you’ll be a fun one to work with.”
I tried to pull away from him, but his hand gripped my hair tight and kept me in place, stopping me from leaning back when he approached closer, “Since you’re not a hero, we’ll make you a villain then—I mean, it’s not going to be hard considering your stance on killing.” He grimaced at that before turning it into a full laugh and letting go of me.
“Rindou, take her back to her place-“ “I’m not doing that, I got plans with Ran. Send the tiger boy, we’re done for tonight.” The one with purple hair and glasses said as he hopped off the crate, followed by the other man on it. It made the Reaper’s face turn sour as he gripped the one who had just spoken and tightened his hold on his shoulder, “I don’t do escorting, that’s your job.” He gritted through his teeth.
Seeing the tension, I put my wallet back in my bag and cleared my throat, “I’ll—I can walk home on my own, by now they must be gone-“ All of them looked at me with a threatening gaze, I felt like a deer caught in headlights. The man with the braids started walking off, Ran was his name I believe, along with the man with the tattoo on the neck, while the two others stayed right there and glared at me. When I took a step back, taking their silence for permission, the Reaper wrapped his arm around my shoulders and held me close to him, “Right, I’ll do it tonight. Just because she’s a fun one-“ “I can walk home alone, it’s no problem,” I tried to push him away, my hands were shaky and had a few scraps. Without the constant manhandling, not that I missed it, I could feel the dampness of my clothes and how cold it was getting.
Looking down at me without any expression on his face, the Reaper turned us around and waved everyone goodbye, his arm never leaving my shoulders. “We both know that’s not true, if we let you walk home alone you might get beaten up by—how did you put it? ‘Gang members’, yeah, that was what you said on the phone.” He hummed, shoving his free hand in his pocket as he guided us outside. I felt uneasy in his hold, I felt like he was walking me towards my execution. I did not want to lead him to my house, but what choice did I have? He would find it sooner or later; at least that’s what he said, but I did not know how much truth there was to it. In my eyes, it was but a small group of violent men that had killed someone.
“In the end you did get beaten up by a gang member, but it could’ve been worse.” He said lightheartedly as he stopped in front of a car. When I paused my steps and still did not look at him, simply waiting for his next move, I felt him grab my chin and turn my head towards him. My breath hitched in fear as I met his golden eyes. He seemed a bit bored now, but I couldn't care less how he felt, I wanted to bolt away from his touch. “You should disinfect that, and you’ll definitely bruise, but you probably have makeup or something to hide that.” He shrugged.
When he leaned over again, I brought my hands in front of me and closed my eyes to stop him from touching me, but I only heard him huffing a laugh next to my ear as he opened the door of the passenger seat. “Get in, I’ll drop you off.” Looking up at him, I blinked a few times then glanced at the inside of the car. I don’t know what I was expecting, something dirty, bloody, disgusting perhaps. But instead, it was perfectly clean, not a speck of dirt in sight. It looked like an expensive car, but perhaps it was just very clean, I did not know. Still unsure, I hesitantly got inside and was about to close the door but felt a certain strength holding it back. The man was leaning on the door and bent over to peek his head inside the car, thinking he needed something. I pressed myself more against the seat to let him grab what he wanted, but his hand reached for the belt and fastened it for me.
“Wouldn’t want you to escape—ah, I mean, safety first.” He said mockingly before winking and slamming the door shut. My hands found their way to the belt and held it tight as I watched him walk around the car. His steps were too big for me to make a run for it, he would catch up on me in no time, I was stuck with him. As he entered the vehicle and fastened his own seatbelt, he pointed at the glove box and handed me his gloves, “Put them back and hand me a wipe, tattletale.”
His craziness was a lot more toned down, for a second I wondered how many faces this man had. The one I was seeing right now was intimidating from how put together he seemed, the other one was scary from how unexpected his actions were. “Why aren’t you killing me?” I asked without looking at him, focused on pushing the gun out of the way inside the glove box and grabbing the little pack of wipes. Giving it to him, his brow was quirked, “Because you’re a good girl,” He grinned, wiping his hands as he continued, “No one would ever suspect you’re working with the likes of a gang. You’re gonna be useful and that’s all that matters, you should be thankful I didn’t kill you. I hate people who eavesdrop.” He said, as he shoved the wipe in the door compartment.
“I didn’t eavesdrop.” I muttered, looking outside the window when he started the car. The laugh that erupted out of nowhere scared me, making me tense again, I dared to look his way and saw his manic smile again. “So, you’re an accountant, pretty boring. You should be thrilled I chose you.” He said in a mix of pride and humor before increasing the volume of the music then drumming his fingers on the wheel. Thinking about his words some more, I glanced his way and lowered the volume, catching his attention as he looked me dead in the eyes. “What if I don’t want to work with you?” I asked, measuring my tone to not piss him off, it did not take a genius to understand this man was unstable and that I needed to tread lightly around him.
Even with as much care as I put in my voice, his reaction was sudden when he turned the wheel and stopped the car on the side of the road. Passing cars honked in annoyance but the man did not care one bit while I had slammed my hand on the dashboard to stop my head from hitting it. Insulting him under my breath, I looked up and saw he had placed his arms on the wheel, his left cheek resting on his forearm. “Then leave. Get out right now, nothing’s stopping you.”
“What’s stopping me is that you’ll kill me, or you’ll run me over, multiple times,” I could see the smile on his face was spreading, but he did not move. The condescendence in his lack of reaction, of action, annoyed me but at the same time frightened me, was he going to slam my head against the window? Against the dashboard? I did not know, but I continued, stammering this time from how nervous I was becoming, “My life is on the fucking line, that’s what’s holding me back.” I spat. My eyes had never left his, even as his smile turned into a grin and his slender fingers gripped the wheel tighter.
When he did not look away, I did. At the same time, I turned on the seat and fully looked ahead instead of facing him. A silence set for a moment then I heard the car start and the man sighed, content, “You’re smart to stay, you’re only alive because I can use you. If you had left, I’d have shot you and left you on the side of the road to die.” He said in a light tone. The words he had spoken had the same effect of a bullet; my guts took a hit without being truly hit. I did not have a choice at all, I was stuck working for a man I did not know without even knowing what I had to do.
His hand rose and I closed my eyes, flinching slightly, “Type in your address, tattletale.” With the little confidence that remained, I lifted my shaky hand and typed it in while telling him that I had a name. Then added, “You should use it. Maybe there is a name I can call you by?” I was not asking for his ID, nor anything specific, if he had a codename in his stupid gang or something like that I would go with it, but calling him Reaper in my head sounded idiotic. “Sorry doll, I think nark or snitch suits you a lot more.” He hummed a moment, throwing me a glance from the corner of his eyes as his hands moved on the wheel absent-mindedly. Huffing in annoyance, I placed my elbow against the window and rested my chin against my fist, thinking he was done. After all, why should I care what he called me? I should simply call him an asshole if he was so keen on calling me a snitch. Or perhaps I should live up to the title and do exactly that, tell the police.
A hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me out of my daydream with my head bumped against the window. Wincing in pain, I heard the man laugh loudly while being focused on the road, “That’s deserved for not paying attention.” He said through laughter. “Pay attention to what? The road? I’m not the one driving-“ “To me, you should keep your guard up, snitch. Who knows what I could do.” He said with a deadpan expression. Without looking at me, he brought his hand to tuck my hair out of the way, then glanced at me and smirked. His touch was light, almost gentle. It allowed me to get a proper look at his tattoo, but I could not focus on it at all, I only tensed up before feeling him grip my throat and bring me closer to him. I made a choking sound and complied to avoid as much pain as possible, “You can call me Hanma, as long as you don’t scream it from every fucking rooftop.”
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. This night was not going as planned at all and every time I found any respite, it would be ruined, and the man would turn violent again. I could not let my guard down, I knew it but when he would just stay put, I could not help myself but think he was done. Clearly he wasn’t. His hold lessened a bit, so I took the opportunity to claw his hand away and pull myself back, my own hand around my throat in protection. “They called you the Reaper.” I croaked, wanting him to talk more so that I wouldn’t have to.
“They did, yeah.” He shrugged.
That was it. He did not add anything else. The matter was closed. When I asked him why they did that, he pulled the car on the side of the road again, startling me in the process. With how on edge I was, I did not realize where we were and thought he would be mad again, but instead he looked over my shoulder and nodded, “That’s you, get out.” He told me as his left arm rested on the wheel while the right one was on the back of the seat, casually leaning on it while looking at me. Looking behind me, I saw my house and felt some hope at finally being able to get home and yet… I did not leave right away and instead prodded, “The news talks about your gang, how many people did you kill?” His eyes traveled from my head to my hands then up to my head again, the arrogance never leaving his face as he leaned back against the car door and waved a hand dismissively, “Take a guess, I think it should be fun.”
I was about to give him a number when he leaned forward quickly, his face right in front of mine as he whispered, “Don’t forget those in comas or those at the hospital, they might not be dead, but they might as well be,” He chuckled happily then approached even closer, his lips right next to my ear, “They’re only alive because I said they could be, like you are. One wrong move and,” leaning back quickly, he clapped his hands, “Bang, dead.” He said dead meaning those in the hospital, but I fully understood he was threatening me, I was not an idiot.
Taking this as my cue to go, I unbuckled my seatbelt and when I was about to open the door, I heard the mechanism of the car locking it. Turning around to look at Hanma, I wordlessly asked if he needed anything else. His hand reached out towards me, “Your phone.”
“I didn’t record this or anything, I was not on a call with the police either, I-“ snatching it from my hand while I was rambling, Hanma tried to unlock it but instead was met with a locked screen. Hesitantly, I took it from his hand, mine being a lot shakier than his seeing how steady his were and unlocked it before giving it back to him. A minute passed and he handed the phone back to me, “We’ll be in contact. Things are gonna change for you, doll. Hope you’re ready for what’s coming.”
He was an unusual character, he was confusing, violent, and surely insane. All of those things added up in my mind, making me accidentally let it slip, “How can one be ready with you? Crazy man…” I said it all under my breath and huffed the last part as I pushed the door open. I let out a sigh when the door opened easily, part of me even thanked the man for not keeping me in any longer but I was still on my toes, certain he would say something else as I left the car, but he did not.
Grabbing my bag, I shuffled away from the car that still hadn’t moved and kept glancing over my shoulders until I reached the door where I struggled to put the key in the keyhole. At each failed attempt my frustration grew, the swears flooded out of my mouth easily and soon it turned into a stupid crying of frustration. “Fuck this, fucking shit-“ when the key finally fit, I hurried inside and locked the door behind me again but this time with the sliding lock, knowing full well I would struggle again too much to lock my door with the key seeing how tensed I still was.
The darkness of my home was what welcomed me. It was awful, it was cold and above everything it felt oppressive—my face was heating up, I was suffocating, my clothes were burning my skin, but I was also shaking. Fanning my face, I made my way to the bathroom with heavy steps, my breath was quickening, was it breathing or heaving? I needed to calm down, I needed to ground myself but I did not know how, this never happened but I felt like I was dying. I could not breathe, my lungs hurt at each intake of breath. “Fuck, fuck, shit, calm down“ I panted while taking off my clothes, I needed to take everything off, I wanted to burn them, it was filthy, disgusting and smelled wretched.
As I took off my top, I caught a whiff of the stench of the warehouse and let out a sob but did not let it stop me even if I could not breathe. I removed the rest of my clothes and knelt by the bath, leaning over to turn the shower on but did not wait for it to be warm to step inside and let it pour all over my dirtied body. The coldness made me take a deep breath that seemed to have helped with the panic attack I was having, but it did not help the crying, so I let it all out while I was washing up. What have I gotten myself into? What happens next? What am I supposed to do now? Is he going to ask me to kill someone? Am I going to have to use a gun? I didn’t want to do any of those, I only walked by something I had nothing to do with and—letting out a scream of frustration, I sat down in the bath and let the water rain on me. I ran my hands through my wet hair and placed my elbows on my knees, grunting again, “I don’t do gangs… I do numbers, I don’t have time to murder people…” I mumbled.
Letting my own words sink in, I let out a chuckle at first and focused my gaze on the wall in front of me then laughed again, shortly. I don’t have time to murder people, yeah… “Because if you had time you would?” I asked myself jokingly as I stood up, laughing again. Shaking my head, I shut the shower off and got out, almost slipping on the water that had splattered around the bath. I hadn’t taken time to put a towel on the floor or prepare anything, fortunately I managed to balance myself and took one from the closet. Once I was dry, I wrapped my robe around my form and stopped in front of the mirror, taking a proper look at the damage I had taken.
The scratch on my cheekbone was bruised, there was another bruise on my neck that I could probably hide with a turtleneck, the season allowed it, and if not with a turtleneck then a scarf would do the trick. Disrobing myself just to take a look at the rest of it, I had some bruises on my arms where I was grabbed to be moved roughly, without counting the pain on my ass but no one would see that. Passing my tongue over my teeth, I was glad as I still had all of them, but my jaw hurt, “Did I bite the inside of my cheek? At what moment could-“ A flashback of when the man slapped me with full force appeared in my mind, fueling me with a bad feeling of uneasiness as I put back my robe. “Bastard…” I huffed before opening the door of my bathroom and stepping inside the dark room again. Talking to myself, I continued, “Nothing’s stopping me from telling the police, who does he think he is? I could very well call them, yeah…” I paused in my steps and scoffed dryly, “Not that they’d listen.”
The news was always talking about the gangs in the city, telling us that the police were working on stopping them, but no one knew the people that were supposed to defend and help were a bunch of sellouts, bribed out idiots. The system we had put our trust in had decided to fuck us over and to leave us to ourselves, it was because of them that I was in this situation. It’s not like it had been hard to stumble upon one of their gang meetings. They might claim discretion, but if anyone could find them, it was anything but. “Who am I kidding? I am fucked,” I barked a laugh and turned on the light, “Guess I am a gang member-“ I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the man my thoughts were plagued with, sitting on my couch, his legs crossed with one ankle over a knee. “Not exactly, you still need to prove yourself. But I love the enthusiasm!” He said while placing an arm on the back of the couch and looking at me with a satisfied smile, not even fully facing me, only to look right ahead once he was done talking.
Usually, one would say don’t turn your back on your enemy, but he was the predator here, he had nothing to fear, I was the one shaking in my metaphorical boots. Deciding to not be useless, I was about to shuffle to the kitchen discretely when I saw him beckon me closer by bending his index finger. Thinking I could play it off as not having seen it, I took one step towards the kitchen when I heard him click his tongue over his teeth, “I said, come here.” Stopping dead in my tracks, I did not speak, and silently opened my bag to pull out my phone and start recording. His hand gripped the back of the couch and I heard him chuckle mockingly, “Ran said you were stupid, but we both know you’re not, now come.” Putting the phone properly on the furniture, I followed his order and walked up to him to stand right in front of him, my arms crossed over my chest to close my bathrobe up to my neck.
“How the fuck did you get in?” I spat. He was not driving, which meant he could not throw me out of a speeding car. He was not surrounded by other maniacs either, and if he had a gun and decided to shoot me, I would have proof of it. There was a semblance of safety, even amidst the fact that the man had broken in without caring. It led me to have some confidence.
The man grinned and leaned over, his elbows resting on his knees. His demeanor was one of a man in control, he knew he could do anything to me because I would bend, he said it himself, I was malleable. But not for lack of will, simply by fear. And if he kept bending me this much, I would not last long, I would break. As long as I feared him, he had the upper hand… but I was not feeling fearless yet. With a low chuckle, he simply said, “Broke in with pliers,” then showed me the pair of pliers lying on the couch. I glanced at my door and saw the chain of my lock was broken as he had said, but that loss of attention directed to him annoyed him. Snapping his fingers, he brought my attention back to him, “Here, you should make a double of your key-“ “I’m not doing that. First, you’ll pay me back for breaking my lock, then if you want to meet up for whatever you got planned for me, you pick a spot but not-“
My breath hitched when Hanma rapidly stood up, his form towering mine as he looked down at me with his hair falling randomly on his forehead. “We got a lotta confidence suddenly, don’t we? Go ahead, finish your sentence, I’m listening.” He cooed in a condescending tone, his face approaching mine as he hovered slightly over me. Looking up at him, I looked down to his chest feeling my confidence wane slightly. When I tried to step back, not liking how close he was to me, he placed his hand on my shoulder to stop me. “Come on partner, let it all out, you seem to have a lot on your mind. Keeping it all bottled up ain’t gonna end up well. We should get along if we’re gonna work together, yeah?” He said in a fake listening attitude, we both knew he didn’t care but I was riled up and clenched my fists.
“I don’t want you in my house, you’re a piece of shit. I don’t want to get along, I want you to fuck off—Get out.” I managed to say everything without stuttering, but his grip tightened on my shoulder, making me tense up even if it was not painfully tight. Simply knowing that nothing was holding him back, not his mind, nor his ethics, nothing. His mood was the turning point of his actions, which means one change of emotion could make him go feral and hit me, it scared me. Hissing mockingly, he tilted my chin up to make me look at him, a smirk adorning his face, “Make me leave then, do something about it.” Grabbing both my shoulders, he pushed me back slightly then spread his arms wide, a huge smile on his face, “Go ahead, I won’t do anything—it’s free hits,” He taunted. When I did not move, he pointed at his face and licked his lips like an animal looking at its next meal.
“Do it, show me your guts, little rat! I hit you right? I put a gun to your head, that must be so annoying, right?” Biting the inside of my cheek, I could feel my frustration building up inside me again. He had done all those things, and no regret was written on his face, none. He had killed a man, broken inside my house, manhandled me and hit me. He had mocked me, humiliated me, mistreated me and while it all happened in a short time span, I already felt strongly about him. Reminding myself all that, I hadn’t realized the hit that flew from my person until it landed on his jaw, my fist feeling like it had hit a wall. His face turned to the side by the end of the action.
Using the heel of his hand to wipe the blood that dripped from his mouth, he looked at me with hooded eyes and grinned, his teeth colored red, “That’s hot, but ye shouldn’t have done that.”
[Part 2]
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asthmark · 4 years
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❝ 10 things i know about you ❞ l.jn
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synopsis → there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.
request → “if you're still accepting requests, can u make a domestic roommate!jeno? 🥺🥺 thank you and have a nice dayyy”
word count → 7.1k (bruhhh)
sharing an apartment with lee jeno isn’t ideal.
it’s not that he’s a lousy roommate or that you disliked him in any way; you just didn’t know him. you had first met through a mutual friend. they knew jeno was looking for someone to split rent with and that you happened to need a place to stay. they promised you he would give you privacy and assured jeno you were excellent roommate material. with that, arrangements were made and soon enough you moved in together. of course, it was a bit awkward at first but you two eventually got used to each other’s presence. although you were never in the same room for too long and oftentimes went days without speaking, you coexisted.
for a long time, you only knew a couple things about your roommate. for example, you were aware of his strong love for cats, especially his pet calico, seol. you also knew he kept the freezer stocked with pizza rolls that he would use as energy when he stayed up all night playing video games.
what you didn’t know, however, was that you would be spending the next couple months locked in your apartment with him. on top of that, you would begin to learn more things about him—his life, his personality, his feelings.
there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.
       1. he’s a heavy sleeper.
at 10:28 in the morning you find yourself seated at the dining table in the kitchen, spooning froot loops into your mouth. as you stuff your face, you scroll through your phone for entertainment. you decide to open instagram first but you quickly find that to be a mistake. as soon as you open the app a picture of lucas and who you thought was his ex-girlfriend greets you. if that was bad, the caption hits you like a ton of bricks.
@lucas_xx444: should have never left you
in only five words, lucas has completely erased the months you spent dating. it meant nothing to him. sure, things hadn’t ended things the best way but going right back to his toxic ex and even admitting to missing her—now that was a new low. was this his way of getting back at you? his way of making you hurt just like he had throughout your entire relationship? the thought alone leaves you feeling sick.
you decide you’ve already had enough social media for one morning so you decide to check your messages instead. your friends usually left a couple of them overnight. to your surprise, you find that your main group chat has accumulated 241 messages.
[10:48 am] you: good morning i see u guys have been vry chatty
[10:49 am] yeji: ur finally awake!
[10:50 am] yuna: we thought u died lol
[10:50 am] lia: YUNA
[10:50 am] lia: NO
[10:51 am] ryujin: the timing for that joke could not be worse
[10:52 am] yuna: humor is my coping mechanism leave me alone
[10:52 am] you: ??? what happened
[10:53 am] chaeryeong: we left msgs for a reason dummy read them!!
[10:53 am] you: umm there’s over 200 and im not abouta read all that
[10:54 am] yuna: well then lemme break it down
[10:54 am] yuna: the world is ending :)
[10:55 am] you: welp it was about time
[10:55 am] lia: why r u guys like this
[10:56 am] yeji: there’s been a covid-19 outbreak and it’s spreading like wildfire so the government issued a stay at home order :/
[10:57 am] you: omg WHAT
[10:57 am] ryujin: ikr it’s crazy we literally can’t go anywhere
[10:57 am] chaeryeong: and we can’t get boba today either ;( i was so looking forward to that
[10:58 am] ryujin: let’s pls take a moment of silence for all the current and future boba dates that will have to be cancelled
[10:59 am] yuna: no way am i gonna let some wannabe flu make me go boba-less i’m still going out >:(
[10:59 am] lia: ...ur joking right
[10:59 am] yeji: what color casket do u want yuna?
before the groupchat can distract you any further, you place your phone down on the table. you sit back in your chair and let the newly revealed information sink in.
you were stuck inside.
you sigh before standing to clean your dishes. as you’re scrubbing away at your bowl, you feel something brush against your leg. you smile, not even having to look down to know it was seol. the cat would often wander into your room or sleep next to you when you watched tv on the couch. in fact, you were pretty sure you spent more time with seol than his owner.
you gaze at jeno’s room. as always, the door is shut. you wonder if you should let him know what was happening. you two usually kept your distance but you figured that the circumstance you found yourself in was an exception. you quickly dry your hand and shuffle towards his room.
you knock once, quite softly. you assume he’s asleep so you try again, this time a little harder. still, no avail. the third time you put even more force into it. by this time, seol has found his way beside you and claws at the door.
“jeno?” you knock a fourth time. “jeno! lee jeno!”
after more shouting accompanied by incessant meowing, you hear some muffled movement. moments later the door knob twists open and there stands your roommate with disheveled hair and a robe that had obviously just been thrown on his body. seol has taken the open crack in the door as an invitation inside the bedroom.
jeno blinks a couple times as he watches the feline get himself comfortable on his bed. he turns back to you, looking slightly disoriented. you’re not sure if he’s half asleep or your sudden presence has thrown him for a loop. his voice comes out raspy when he asks, “was he, um, bothering you or something?”
you shake your head, vigorously. “that’s not why i came. it’s just that my friends told me that there’s been some kind of virus outbreak and we’re supposed to stay home. so, i thought i’d let you know.”
his face softens. “oh, cool.” suddenly, the look changes. “not the virus thing! that’s totally not cool. i meant, it’s cool that you let me know and stuff. you just saved me a huge freak out so, uh, thank you.”
you smile and nod. “no problem.”
jeno’s eyes linger as you retreat back into your room down the hall. the sound of his door shutting is heard only once you’re out of his eyesight.
   2.    he can cook better than you.
most of the time, you would go out to eat dinner with your friends in the evenings or at least stop by a drive thru. obviously, this was no longer possible in the midst of a pandemic. you found that to be incredibly frustrating as you sat on your bed, stomach empty. no matter how badly you wished to fix it, your laziness had gotten the best of you. apart from that, you already knew how unlucky you were when it came to cooking—the memory of burning noodles at lia’s house one night had been permanently seared into your brain.
you almost believe your mind is playing tricks on you when you catch a whiff of pasta in the air. for a moment you think it’s your next door neighbor, taeyong, cooking again. you knew he was quite the chef. but, the smell is getting stronger by the second and you decide it must be in your apartment.
you wander into the kitchen, only to find jeno standing over the stove. he’s stirring red sauce in a pot when he notices you watching him.
“oh, hey,” he greets with a polite wave.
you can only stare at the rest of the kitchen—pots, pans, and ingredients all over the place—in utter awe.
he chuckles, awkwardly. “yeah, sorry about the mess. i’ve been told i’m a decent cook but i can never seem to get the tidiness down.”  
“no, it’s not that. this just all seems so... professional.” you sniff the air once more. “smells amazing, too.”
he smiles, sheepishly. “thanks. are you a fan of spaghetti?”
you nod.
“good. i wanted to make something you’d like.”
“you really didn’t have to,” you say, leaning against the fridge. “i mean, i’ve never done anything for you.”
he uncovers a pot to check on the pasta. you watch as hot steam rises out of it. “what about this morning?”
you can’t help but laugh. “that most certainly does not count. you’re making an entire meal. that takes a lot of effort.”
he waves a hand, dismissively. “i used to cook a lot with my old roommate, doyoung. the guy was an asian gordon ramsey, i swear. so, yeah, this is nothing too crazy. and i really do enjoy it.”
“well, i’m still gonna repay you.” you fold your arms.
he looks away from his dish to raise a brow. “is that so?”
you nod in confirmation. “definitely.”
“tell you what, if you wash the mountain of dishes that are gonna be left over, we’ll be even.”
you stare at the sink that’s already overflowing with dirty kitchen tools. that wasn’t even half of it. “uh, sure, sounds good.”
he laughs at hearing the uncertainty in your voice. “that’s the spirit.”
   3.    he’s allergic to cats.
the familiar sound of soft purring is what pulls you attention away from the movie playing on your laptop. already knowing exactly who it is, you launch yourself off your bed to allow your furry guest inside.  
“hey seol. what’ve you been up to?”
the calico meows, almost as if he were responding to your question. you close your door and go back to your original position. you notice seol sitting directly in front of your bed, looking up at you with wide eyes.
“come on up.” you pat your sheets, invitingly.
he obeys and stretches before laying down beside you.
“have you ever watched ‘avengers’?” you ask, eyes going back to the explosive fight scene on the screen.
this time, seol doesn’t even bother humoring you with a meow. he stays silent with his head tucked into his paws.
you scratch his head and his tail wiggles. “i’ve gotta stop asking you questions.”
both you and seol’s heads snap towards the door when you hear a knock.
“come in!” you call out.  
jeno swings open the door. his eyes briefly scan the room before landing on the furball on your bed. the unmistakable look of adoration shines in his eyes when he sees how lovingly you caress him.
“seol! what are you doing in here? bothering y/n?” the cat jumps off your bed and towards his owner standing in your doorway. jeno scoops him into his arms and faces you. “i’m so sorry. he saw me running a bath for him and bolted.”
“it’s all good. he’s a great movie buddy. besides, i could always use the company.”
jeno curiously glances at your computer screen. “is that ‘avengers’?”
“yep. i’ve seen it like a dozen times.”
“same here.“ he pauses. “hey, if you ever need a movie buddy—like you know, one that talks—just let me know.”
your face lights up. “i’m gonna hold you to that.”
”i hope so. well, if you’ll excuse me, i’ve gotta give this guy a bath.”
seol yowls as if he understands the meaning behind the words and attempts to escape jeno’s grip.    
“here we go again,” he mumbles under his breath.
you snicker at the sight. “looks like you could use some help.”
“oh, no. it’s fine. he can just be a little bratty someti—seol!”
in the blink of an eye, the feline has successfully hopped out of his arms and made a run for it.
jeno gives you an exasperated look before rushing off to catch his runway pet. you find yourself caught up in the excitement so you follow him, the two of you now in pursuit of the calico. you’re sure the image of you both chasing the fluffy animal around the apartment looks like something straight out of a comedy. even you and jeno can’t contain your laughter when he finally catches seol only for him to slip out of his hold a second later. this exact situation repeats itself a couple times before you finally get lucky.
“i got him!” you screech. “jeno! oh my god! what do i do?”
“bathroom, bathroom, bathroom!” he chants in response.
you head in that direction with jeno trailing behind you, ready to catch seol if he somehow manages to get out of your death grip. you bend over the bathtub, slowly lowering the cat into the water. it’s clear he doesn’t have a problem with making a fuss as he wails and flails his limbs around.
after a while, he finally calms down enough that you can lather him in shampoo. jeno insists on scrubbing him, arguing that you had already done way too much. you sit back on your heels, observing the way the seol leans into his delicate touches.
“looks like he likes it now.”
“he likes to make a big deal but he ends up enjoying it every—“ jeno cuts himself off with a sneeze.
“tissue?” you offer.
he shakes his head. “that’s okay, thanks. i’m used to it. i’m just surprised my allergies haven’t acted up ‘til now.”
“allergies?” you echo.
“yeah, i’m allergic to—“ another sneeze. “cats.”
your eyes widen. “really? and you still have seol?”
“i could never get rid of him. he’s too good of a boy. isn’t—“ sneeze. “that right?” he tickles seol under his chin.
“wow. you must really love him.”
“so much.”
“he’s lucky to have you.”
“what about you? you get both of us. doesn’t that make you the luckiest?”
you snort. “i guess it does.”
   4.    he makes a good shopping buddy.
“i have officially cooked everything we have.”
“i can order some takeout, if you want?”
he juts his lower lip out and gives you puppy eyes. “but i like to cook for you.”
you laugh at his expression. “oh god, you look like that one pouty emoji people use when they try to be cute.”
he sits up. “did it work?”
you nod and pinch his cheek.
he yelps. “ah, stop! you’re acting like my grandma!” he manages to get out of your grasp. he rubs his face, soothing the spots you had squeezed. “seriously, though, we really do need to stock up on food.”
“i’ve already been looking into it.” you show him the screen of your phone. “says here you can still go shopping as long as you wear a mask and try to stay six feet away from other shoppers.”
he cringes. “i don’t know if i like the idea of being so close to so many people.”
“i can go by myself, then,” you suggest with a shrug.
he doesn’t hesitate to deny you. “no way are you going alone.” his possessive tone has you staring at him curiously so he adds, “you know, in case you can’t reach something on the top shelf.”
the teasing comment paired with his innocent smile makes you gasp in disbelief. “lee jeno! that’s low! and to think i almost thought you were worried about me.”
“who said i wasn’t?” he smiles at you again before standing up. “i’m going to find us some masks and then we can head out.”  
once you arrive at your local grocery store, you find it to be packed. everyone seems to be in a hurry, grabbing things left and right.
“wow, it’s already gotten crazy,” jeno mumbles, stopping to stare at the flood of people that rush by.
you don’t hesitate to scold him. “well, don’t just stand there! we gotta get our stuff before there’s nothing left!”
without another word you slip into the frenzy of people. jeno struggles to stay behind you. after almost losing sight of you a couple times, he walks a little faster to catch up and places his arm firmly around your waist once he does. you look up at him, your mask covering your slightly agape mouth.
being the gentleman he is, he apologizes. “sorry but i don’t want us to get separated.”
you can only nod and mumble, “good idea.”
jeno pushes the shopping cart with his right hand and holds your figure with his left. once in a while, you’ll break apart from each other to grab an item you need but once it’s in the cart, he’ll make sure you end up in the same position. after an hour or so, you’ve grabbed enough and you decide it’s time to pay.
despite the mask she has on, you can tell the middle-aged woman behind the cash register has a big smile on her face once she catches sight of you and your roommate.
“well, just look at you two.” she sighs. “how cute.”
“oh.” you glance at her then jeno then her again. “oh, no. it’s not like that.”
you attempt to move yourself away from jeno only to find his grip to be so incredibly strong that you almost begin to think he’s trying to hold you in place. once you finally detach yourself from him, you begin loading your groceries onto the counter for the employee to scan. she does so, but not before giving you a displeased look.  
“oh really? he holds you like that because you aren’t together?”
jeno assists her in placing the scanned items in bags. “i didn’t want to lose her.”
she pauses scanning a can of tuna to stare him down. “darling, that sounds like a line from a cheesy hallmark rom-com.”
you can’t help but chuckle. “what he means is that there’s a lot of people here and we didn’t want to get separated.”
jeno adds, “desperate times calls for desperate measures.”
the woman adjusts her glasses. “well, you do certainly seem desperate to have her close to you.”
jeno doesn’t say a word as he continues bagging but his smile reaches his eyes.
   5.    he works out.
why did the pandemic have to hit in the middle of summer?
you often asked yourself this, complaining about how inconvenient it was. especially on the days that made your apartment feel like it was on fire. the days that required a thin tank top and shorts. even then, you found yourself to be drenched in sweat.
you sprawled your arms and legs farther on the sofa, the leather material proving to be very uncomfortable. it was either that or your bed with the warm cotton sheets that stuck to your body. just thinking about it brings you discomfort. the only relief you could think of was a cold shower. you would have already taken one if jeno hadn’t been hogging the one bathroom in the apartment.
“jeno!” you yell.
silence; other than the sound of the water running.
“lee jeno!”
the water stops, temporarily for him to shout back an answer. “what?!”
you wipe at the sweat that has accumulated on the bridge of your nose. “hurry up! i’m melting!”
the water starts back up again and you groan. hoping to distract yourself, you pull out your phone. the group chat with your friends is surprisingly silent so you go to instagram for some entertainment. this time, your ex-boyfriend’s post isn’t the first thing you see. it takes you some scrolling but you do end up seeing another one of his pictures.
it’s simply two intertwined hands with a black and white filter. you identify the one on the left as his and although you aren’t as familiar with the one on the right, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who it belongs to. contrary to the last, this photo has no cheesy words for a caption, just a red heart.  
but, your stomach doesn’t drop. you don’t feel hurt, either. obviously, you still don’t enjoy seeing him just because of all the awful memories that came with it but other than that, you feel unaffected by the image.
in fact, you feel so confident in yourself that you block him.
you’re surprised you hadn’t done it sooner. you had known you didn’t need him in your life any longer so why keep in contact? you feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders when you press the red button that would keep him and his girlfriend out of your life. you knew with your whole heart that you didn’t need to see either of them.
before, a bit if you had felt the need to keep an eye on him. to see how he was handling the breakup and torture yourself with the fact that he didn’t seem to care. now, you could say you truly didn’t either. you didn’t need him or his stupid pictures. you had other, better things.
your friends.
your cat (yes, you considered seol to be yours).
your roommate.
you had to admit, jeno was the best thing on that list. quarantine had brought you and him significantly closer and you were over the moon about it. he was so wonderful that you kicked yourself for having lived with him for so long without ever really getting to know him. but it was easy to say you two were making up for lost time seeing as you spent every waking moment together. the record long showers jeno took being an exception, of course.
the moment the door to the bathroom opens, you rush into your room and quickly grab an oversized t-shirt and loose pajama pants to change into after your shower. you nearly drop them when you’re met with jeno’s soaking figure in the hallway.
his hair is damp and you can clearly see how long it had become. his skin looks healthy and moisturized, lotion among other skin care products had probably been applied. what really has you in a shock is the fact that the towel barely hangs below his waist. the droplets of water that fall from his hair and down his neck trail down his chest and toned torso towards the only area he has bothered to cover up. his bulky arms are also slightly wet, his veins popping noticeably. he shakes his head in an attempt to rid his hair of any water. then he runs his fingers through it, his muscles flexing ever so slightly as he does so.
“dude!” you exclaim, without a second thought. “you’re ripped!”
he smiles, his round cheeks growing at the unexpected praise. the way he could have such a rugged body but soft-featured face puzzled you to no extent. “thank you. i lift sometimes.”
“sometimes?” you repeat. “don’t be so humble! you’re basically hercules!”
he clicks his tongue. “ah, c’mon. i’m just an athletic person.”
you keep admiring his physique. “clearly.”
“oh god,” he groans, obviously flustered. “you’re looking at me like you’re gonna eat me or something.”
you hold yourself back from making a less than appropriate innuendo. “no comment.”
his eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. “quarantine is really making you go crazy.”
you point a finger at him. “you try being stuck inside with your hot roommate!”
“trust me, y/n, i know all about hot roommates.”
you tilt your head, acting purposefully oblivious. “are you talking about doyoung?”
“what? no i—“ he sighs. “you know what, just take your shower.”
   6.    you can’t say no to him.
jeno ruffles his black locks with his hand and frowns.
you give him a disappointed look. “knock it off, you’re gonna get dandruff in your soup.”
he ignores your comment. “i look like a hobo.”
you pause, spoon halfway to your mouth. “this i know.”
“y/n, this is serious!”
“okay, okay. what’s the issue?”
“i already told you! i’m a bum!”
“you? a bum?” you pause to think about it. “i mean, mentally? maybe. but physically? no.”
“my hair, though. it’s so long.” he grabs a strand of it and pulls it to emphasize his point.
you shrug. “if having lots of hair is the standard for being a bum, i think most of the population is.”
“i want to cut it,” he announces.
“you should,” you say, pointing your spoon at him. “wanna know why? because if you mess up, no one will ever know. other than me, of course. but if you pay me enough i’ll let you forget it.”
he smiles at the joke for a moment before he leans forward and his face goes serious. “will you help me?”
“what? no way. i’ll mess up. and it’s only funny if you do it.”
he pouts. “please?”
you stir your soup around. “just watch some youtube videos. after three, you’re automatically a professional.”
“i want you.”
the statement has your neck snapping up from your bowl to him. the smug grin on his face lets you know that he was well aware of the double meaning behind his words. it was clear he was trying to fluster you enough to get a yes.
“you think you’re flirty enough to straight up brainwash me into doing stuff?”
“well, i wanted to say that to you anyway but... kind of?”
you feel a smile creep onto your lips at hearing the genuine tone in his voice. you down your last few spoonfuls of soup and quickly stand up. jeno looks up at you, eyes hopeful.
“finish your dinner. get the scissors. meet me in the bathroom.”
not even ten minutes later, jeno practically dances into the bathroom, a pair of red craft scissors in his hand. he sits on top of the toilet lid, figuring that’d be the easiest way for you to reach him. you walk in moments later.
“i’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to be using these types of scissors for hair,” he mumbles as he hands you the sharp utensil.
you twirl them in your hand. “oh, definitely not. do you want to wait then?”
he shakes his head, his shaggy bangs swaying with the movement.  
“alright, let’s get this going then.” you thread your hands through his thick locks to collect some of it in between two of your fingers. you bring the scissors forward and snip the small amount just to test the waters.
you slowly begin to get more comfortable and once you feel like you’re in your element, things begin to speed up. you move and cut faster but with efficiency. you do the spots on the back of his head and work your way forward. when it finally comes time to touch up his bangs, your small bathroom proves to be an inadequate spot to be doing this.
you end up standing balanced inches above jeno’s thighs that he’s pressed together tightly in an attempt to give you more room. you’re constantly readjusting your stance and when he notices, his hands go to your hips. you know he’s just trying to help you stay upright so you do a decent job but you still inhale sharply at the feeling of his hands on you.
not long after, you’re standing next to jeno as he inspects himself in the mirror. his fingers flick his newly shortened bangs around.
“not bad.” he tilts his head in a new angle and nods. “looks super good to me.”
you tuck the scissors into your back pocket with a relieved sigh. “oh thank god. i didn’t want to tell you before we started but i only watched two youtube tutorials on trimming hair.”
he runs a hand through his hair with a chuckle. “now that’s truly worthy of praise. and a tip.”
you raise a brow. “oh yeah? what’s th—“
he cuts you off by pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. he pulls back and drags his thumb over the skin that has come into contact with his lips. “thanks again.” with that, he leaves you standing in the bathroom, eyes wide and face warm.
   7.    he has six best friends.
“can i borrow your laptop?” asks jeno, from outside your door, nearly breathless.
you look up from your book. “uh yeah, sure.”
he rushes in your room and takes the item off of your dresser. “do you happen to have zoom on it?”
you shake your head and he groans. without another word, he disappears, running off into the living room. you hear his frustrated sighs as the minutes pass and he attempts to download the application. you finally decide to go check it out once it becomes too much to bear.
“it sounds like you’re in pain over here,” you comment.
he runs a hand through his hair. “i’m supposed to meet with my friends through a zoom call but it’s so complicated.”
you put a hand on your hip. “bet you five bucks i’ll be able to get it in five minutes.”
“are you kidding? i might be technologically challenged but i’m not stupid. i know you can do it fast, just help me out already, would you?”
“alright, grandpa.”
you type and click away at the screen, jeno watching you do so, entranced but equally as lost.
“well, i was wrong,” you say after a couple moments, leaning back in your chair.
“you couldn’t get it?” asks jeno, worriedly.
“no, it’s not that.” you click something on the screen and the app opens. “turns out i could do it in three.”
he rolls his eyes and shoos you out of the chair. he sits down and enters the code and password for the zoom meeting. it takes a minute, but he finally connects. you count six other people in the call. they all immediately cheer at seeing jeno and you hear them excitedly exclaim his name.
“hey guys,” he says, a smile already reaching his eyes. “it’s so good to see your faces.”
they all nod to agree. you get a good look at each one of them and realize they’re all boys. your eyes read over each of their display names.
mark me in ur heart
hyuckie~~~
moomin enthusiast
nananananana
chnele
lil huddy
“nice name, jeno,” ‘moomin enthusiast’ guy comments, snickering slightly. “glad to see you finally came to terms with it.”
‘jenojam’, his name reads. the rest of the group laughs, also teasing him about it. you assume it’s some kind of inside joke.
the self proclaimed ‘lil huddy’ furrows his eyebrows. “wait, did you choose that name yourself?”
jeno simply nods in response.
he glares into the camera. “donghyuck, you told me i had to put this as my name or else it wouldn’t let me connect!”
donghyuck—or ‘hyuckie~~~’, you presume—shrugs. “oops. guess i was wrong.”
you laugh at the humorous exchange. it seems like the sound has drawn some attention to you when ‘nananananana’ speaks up, eyes trained on you.
“um jeno? don’t you want to introduce your guest?”
jeno beams, dragging you closer into the frame. “i’m sure you all know about my roommate. say hi, y/n.” 
you do so, waving and smiling politely at the group.
“you know, even though we used to always hang at jeno’s, i don’t think we’ve ever actually seen your face,” ‘chnele’ says, tilting his head.
you agree. “me neither. i’ve mostly just heard you guys.”
the ‘mark me in your heart’ boy sheepishly rubs his neck. “sorry. we tend to be a little loud.”
‘chnele’ lets out a high pitched screech of a laugh. “only a little?”
“i recognize that laugh!” you blurt. “i would hear it all the time!”
”that’s our little dolphin,” coos ‘hyuckie~~~’.
“oh god, stop. i hate that stupid nickname.”
“it’s well deserved.”
“i think you should apologize to y/n for being a nightmare to her eardrums.”
“and ours, for that matter.”
“what about all your little freestyles? i’ve had to sit through hundreds of them and i never got an apology!”
“because they’re not bad! could you do any better?”
“you’re a soundcloud rapper, i think anyone could.”
jeno turns to you as the bickering on screen gets louder and louder. “this is gonna be a long call.”
once the group has moved on from roasting the life out of each other, you’re able to engage in some good-natured conversation. jeno teaches you the names and the other basics about the group. some points that stand out about the group is that mark is the oldest, renjun specializes in contemporary dance, jaemin inhales six cups of coffee on the daily, and chenle is insanely rich.
“what about jeno?” you ask them. “anything i should know about him?”
“he’s allergic to cats but the idiot still adopted—“
“she already knows about that, renjun,” jeno chuckles.
“oh. well. that’s pretty much the only interesting thing about him.”
jisung pipes up. “oh wait! he works out religiously too!”
you and jeno share a look. you burst into laughter and he simply glances away, slightly embarrassed. “oh yeah, i know that all too well.”
“and what about the unhealthy cooking obsession?”
you nod at mark’s question. “that too. he cooks dinner almost every night around here.”
renjun purses his lips. “he already cooks for you? wow. he must really like you.”
“you think?” jaemin asks. “didn’t you read any of the messages in the group chat? he’s practically in love with her. his words, not mi—“
“okay! i think it’s time for us to go! bye guys!” jeno doesn’t even give you a chance to say your own goodbye before he’s clicking the ‘end call’ button in the bottom right corner.
you give him a confused look. “what was that all about?”
“they’re crazy.” he laughs. “well, if you need me i’ll be in my room screaming into my pillow for the next couple hours.” he dashes off leaving you standing alone, trying to comprehend what had happened.
   8.    he‘s a great listener.
jeno has officially replaced seol as your movie buddy, not that you have a problem with it. you thought it was nice to have someone you could actually converse with but of course, you make sure seol still sits in.
“what i’m saying is that iron man just wants to protect his team.”
“well, if they sign the accords, they basically surrender themselves to the government.”
“and?”
“you don’t see a problem with that? see, captain america knows what he’s doing. he’s literally an avenger—“
“so is iron man!”
“let me finish! so, he’s an avenger, right? he has the best judgment because he’s saved the world countless times. he knows how to operate his team and do the right thing.”
“okay but there’s casualties. and that’s what iron man is trying to fix.”
“how do you save the world and not have casualties?”
“you just—“ your phone rings mid argument and you raise your finger towards jeno. “this isn’t over.” you put the phone to your ear, not bothering to check the caller id. “hello?”
“sweetheart?”
you feel a chill go up your spine. was it him? no, it couldn’t be. you had blocked his number shortly after you did so on all your social media.
“baby, don’t be so shy. i know you’re there.”
you can’t hold back. “please don’t call me that.”
he chuckles, breathlessly. “oh, c’mon. you used to love it. you still do.”
“no, i don’t. actually, i don’t want to hear your stupid pet names or stupid voice or see any of your stupid posts. just go bother your girlfriend and leave me alone.”
you notice jeno perk up beside you out of the corner of your eye. he must have been caught off guard by your irritated tone.
as always, lucas is unaffected by you. “i’m being nice and giving you a second chance. i even called you behind soyeon’s back.”
“is that something i’m supposed to reward you for?” you scoff. “congratulations, you’re now awful, toxic, and a cheater.”
he growls. the sound was familiar. in your relationship, if you heard it you knew he was going to snap at you until he had the satisfaction of making you cry. “i know you miss me so don’t say things you’re going to regret later. because even when you’re back in my arms, i won’t let you forget it.”
the thought of being back with him made you feel icky. but the fact that he sincerely thought you would crawl back to him set your entire body on fire. “are you joking? i was always aware of the fact that you treated me like the dirt you walked on but do you seriously think that lowly of me?”
you’re rendered speechless and apparently, so is he because the other line stays silent.
“i wouldn’t go back to you if you were the last person on earth,” you spit. “you treated me horribly, wong yukhei. i won’t ever forget it. move on. i have.”
you glance at jeno, his expression more serious than you’ve ever seen it. his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are trained on your cellphone. the glare he gives the device is so strong you wouldn’t be surprised if even lucas could feel it, wherever he was.
you hang up and block the number, wishing to never talk to him again. you toss your phone onto the sofa with an exasperated sigh. you find jeno’s gaze to still be focused intensely on it.  
“if you gave lucas that look, i’m pretty sure he’d cry.”
he breaks his concentration, eyes going to you instead. his entire face softens. “all i’m going to say is he better pray we never cross paths.”
“well, if you happen to, call me up. i wouldn’t mind helping you beat the crap out of him.”
jeno chuckles for a second then lowers his voice to a whisper. “he was really bad to you, huh?”
you nod. “he messed me up. i hate to admit it ‘cause i know i was stupid to stay with him for as long as i did.”
your roommate shakes his head. “don’t say that. it’s not your fault he messed up the best thing that would ever happen to him.”
“i thought i was the problem for so long, jeno. i was so blinded by love. then, i realized there was no way he truly cared for me when he treated me like i had no heart to be broken.”
jeno scoots towards you and rubs soothing circles into your arm. “you have such a big heart. and i can’t tell you how sorry i am that he took advantage of that. i’m sorry that you were stuck with someone so insecure and ignorant. please, don’t think about him anymore.”
you hold in your tears. you refused to cry over someone like lucas. “i know. i try so hard not to.”
jeno holds your head into his chest. his arms are placed securely on your back. “oh, baby.”
when jeno uses this pet name on you, it feels so completely different from lucas. you could tell me meant it. he wasn’t using it to make you stay a little longer, to assure you he loved you. strangely enough, you do not need to be convinced of that. you feel like you have known it for a long time.  
   9.    he likes to be the big spoon.
you’re not sure how he’s done it but you end up falling asleep in jeno’s arms. you assume it had been so long since you had been cradled and rocked so delicately that the foreign yet extremely delightful sensation knocked you right out. even seol is deep in sleep, laying down peacefully at your feet.  
you relish in the feeling of jeno pressed right into your back. he fits so perfectly against you that it reminds you of a puzzle piece. to be exact, the moment when you connect the last two pieces and the full picture becomes complete. that was how you felt—complete.
with jeno’s soft breaths tickling the back of your neck and his soft snores filling your ear, you know there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. his arm that is wrapped around you makes sure you can’t escape his embrace. you are positive that even if you had the liberty of doing so, you would stay exactly where you were.
you lean farther back into your pillow, closing your eyes. you let every thought fade away as you try to fall back asleep as soon as possible. you wanted the moment you found yourself in to last as long as possible.
   10.    he has feelings for you.
jeno mumbles sweet nothings into your ear as he toys with your hair.
it just seemed right to him. like something he was meant to do with you. he had seen these types of things in films and shows before. it was intimate and touching, the scenes were always meant to tug at the audience’s heart strings and show how in love the two characters were. perhaps, even though you lay asleep in his arms, he wants you to finally know.
“honestly, being inside with you all the time is kind of the best. i know the whole virus situation is less than ideal but being able to spend so much time with you... that’s all i could ask for.” he pauses. “isn’t it so crazy how before this we were all weird and awkward around each other? well, i guess we still kind of are. that’s mostly my fault so... sorry. i just don’t know how to act around you sometimes. we’re barely getting close and i’m already this attached to you. as jisung would so kindly say, ‘i’m simping’.” he chuckles to himself. “all jokes aside, i really do like you. ever since you moved in here all cute and nervous, you’ve taken your own little place in my heart, as cheesy as it sounds. and these past few weeks, you just keep on taking up more and more room in there. not that i have a problem with it. i just...” he stops as if he doesn’t know how else to express his feelings. “really, really like you.”
“thanks.”
you feel him jolt then abruptly stop stroking your hair. there’s silence until he asks, “you don’t happen to be a sleep talker, do you?”
you shake your head.
“and did you hear like, a lot of what i said?”
“only the important stuff. like how awkward you are and how much you like me.”
“o-oh.”
“but don’t worry. it’s mutual.”
you feel his relieved breath hit the skin of your neck. “that’s the best thing i’ve heard all day.”
you tilt your head back and stare at him, confused. “what, did you seriously think i wasn’t into you?”
he shrugs. “i was too busy simping, i guess.”
you can’t contain your laughter at the use of the slang. “park jisung would not be proud.”   
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drabbles-mc · 3 years
Text
Exceptions (1/2)
Juice Ortiz x F!Reader
Part 2
Warnings: language, mentions of smoking/alcohol
Word Count: 2.3k
A/N: Been mulling over this little two-part fic for a while. Love me some Juice content haha. This part is all fluff, part 2 is a nice balance of angst and fluff. Hope you enjoy! xo
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You’d worked at the bar for a few months, and everyone was kind to you. But you hadn’t really become overly close with anyone. You knew how easily friendship could be construed into something else and you really were here because it was a good paying gig. You were a friend of a friend to the club so when they needed a bartender and you met the qualifications, they didn’t give it much of a second thought to throw you back there. You didn’t start trouble, didn’t ask too many questions, and made good strong drinks. They couldn’t have asked for anything more.
At the heart of it, it was nothing more than a customer service gig. Sure, most everyone you served was part of the MC or a friend of the club, but you didn’t treat them any differently because of it. The same as you had done at your previous gigs, you were nice but you didn’t tolerate any disrespect. There were a lot of egos put in check the first few weeks that you were working there and you were surprised that you hadn’t been pulled aside and spoken to about it.
Once you all sort of fell into a flow, the guys quickly realized that you were content to chit-chat but you were keeping them at arm’s length for your sake and theirs. There was something to be said about being ignorant to the goings on of SAMCRO. It wasn’t lying under oath if you really didn’t have a solid clue as to what any of them were doing. They respected that, even if they didn’t always like the way you would wave them off if they were talking about something within earshot of you.
Most of the guys had given up on trying to get cozy with you once you shot them down with a considerable amount of force. Opie checked in on you on a somewhat consistent basis—he felt a little obligated to keep an eye on you since Lyla was the one who had sent you in the direction of the club in the first place. He was always kind to you but he knew and respected that you had pretty firm boundaries with all of them, including himself. As long as you let him know that you were content, safe, and that no one was bothering you at the time, he would leave you be and you really loved that about him.
The only other person who would try to get and keep your attention was Juice. And that was how you found yourself trying and failing to bite back the laughter that you could feel building up inside your chest. You were leaning onto the bar, directly across from Juice who was plopped on a stool in front of you. He was talking about the antics that went down on the shop earlier in the day, and the way that he spoke and gestured, along with the light in his eyes, made it impossible not to laugh and get roped into every word that he said.
There was a boyish charm and innocence to him that you had to admire. He had tried to flirt with you at first and you shot him down instantly, not looking to start playing any games with anyone. He backed off for a little while, giving you your space. But after a couple weeks he wound up right back at the bar, coaxing conversations out of you whenever there was a lull in drink orders. He kept it platonic, carefully choosing his words so you couldn’t shoo him away for being flirtatious or inappropriate. For that reason alone, you rewarded him with some of your time. Plus, there were worse people to look at on the other side of the bar throughout the night.
The later it started to get, the more you tried to encourage everyone to either go home or back to their dorms. Or really just anywhere besides the bar. You hated trying to clean up around people passed out drunk everywhere. It only ever got out of control on the nights of big parties, but you didn’t see any harm in making sure that it stayed that way.
The main expanse of the bar was almost completely empty. There were a few girls getting ready to leave, and Juice was still sitting across the bar as you wiped it down and started stacking glasses in the dishwasher.
You chuckled and shook your head, “Don’t you have somewhere you gotta be, Juice?”
He shook his head, “No, not really.”
You looked down at your watch, “It’s late. Better get to bed if you’re going to wake up and actually make it to work tomorrow.”
“That sick of me, Y/N?”
You had to let out a quiet laugh when you saw his puppy-dog eyes, “You know that’s not true. I would definitely tell you if I was sick of you. Pretty sure I have before,” you laughed.
It got a chuckle out of him, “That’s true. Alright. I’m going to bed then. See you tomorrow?”
You nodded, “See you tomorrow.”
He wandered back towards his dorm and you let out a long sigh once he was out of sight. You looked around at the now-empty clubhouse and a wave of relief washed over you. You set about straightening up and throwing things away. This was easily the longest part of your shift—serving drinks was easy.
Once everything was cleared away, you grabbed yourself a bottle of beer from behind the bar and hoisted yourself up so that you were sitting on top of it, legs swinging idly between the barstools. Never in a million years did you think that you would’ve ended up in this position. Then again, not much of your life was predictable or even felt like it was in your control.
You nursed your beer and soaked up the silence of the clubhouse for a while, finally deciding that it was time for you to leave and go home too. You locked the door behind you as you left, not that it really mattered all that much. You walked out to your car and drove home in silence, just glad to be free of the noise and chaos.
By the time the next afternoon rolled around, you were ready to do it all over again. You shimmied into your jeans and tank top, opting for a pair of comfortable boots. You saw how some of the girls could manage the whole night in heels and you admired their dedication, but that just wasn’t something you were capable of or that committed to. You needed to be able to move a lot, and move quickly. And also kick the shit out of someone if it came down to it.
You were setting up the bar when you heard the door open. You looked over, a smile passing over your lips for a moment when you saw it was Juice.
“This is early even for you, Juan Carlos,” you laughed.
He laughed as he set a coffee down on the surface of the bar, “Just wanted to stop and give you this.”
You raised your eyebrows, “Oh really?”
He held his hands up in surrender, his own coffee cup dangling lightly from his hand, “Just a friendly gesture. I know you were here late last night.”
You nodded slowly as you grabbed the cup and took a sip. You smiled over at him, “I’ll allow it only because this is perfect.”
He chuckled, “Good,” he waved and headed towards the door, “See you later, Y/N.”
You watched as he walked out of the clubhouse. You lightly drummed your fingers on the countertop as your mind raced. You spun the cup and laughed when you saw that he had written his phone number on it.
“In case you’re ever in need of a friendly conversation. Or bail.”
You chuckled and against your better judgment, added his number to your contacts. You didn’t know when you were actually going to reach out to him, but he was a good person to be able to reach, especially if you really did land yourself in some kind of trouble. A warm feeling spread through your chest and you tried to ignore it as you went back to what you were originally doing when he walked in.
You were lucky enough to not have to work the entire length of your usual shift. You weren’t supposed to be the only bartender even though it usually ended up feeling that way. They had the prospect filling in for the second half of the night and you liked him, but not enough to tell him that he didn’t have to work the bar. Giving him a loving pat on the back, you grabbed yourself a beer and headed out of the clubhouse.
It never ceased to amaze you how chilly it got at night despite the fact that the afternoons would be sweltering sometimes. Every night you told yourself to bring a sweatshirt and you remembered about fifty percent of the time. It wasn’t one of those nights, though. You felt goosebumps break out over your arms as you plopped onto the picnic table outside the clubhouse. You looked up at the sky as you sipped on your beer, letting your mind empty out a bit before you headed home.
You heard heavy footsteps behind you and you glanced over your shoulder. You smiled when you saw that it was Juice. He walked over and stood next to the table, looking at you with a hopeful look in his eyes.
“Mind if I sit and grab a smoke?”
You eyed the joint that he was holding and you smiled, “Only if you share.”
“Fine by me,” he chuckled as he plopped down next to you, feet resting on the bench beside yours.
He flicked his lighter and lit the joint in his hand, taking a long drag off of it before handing it over to you. You smiled as you gently took it between your fingers. It had been ages since you last smoked, but you knew that Juice had good connections. Besides, if there was anyone in the club that you would trust with something like that it was Juice—he was too sweet to do something shady, especially to you.
You took a drag and fought the urge to cough as you handed it back to him. You slowly exhaled and laughed, “Sorry about the lipstick.”
He chuckled, “I’ve been told that this is a good shade for me, anyway,” he smiled as he put it back to his lips again.
The two of you sat there in semi-silence, passing the joint back and forth. He was usually so full of energy and had so much to say, you were surprised at how calm and quiet he was.  The outsides of your legs rested against each other and you glanced over at him, but he was so busy staring up at the stars that he didn’t even notice. You let it go.
Opie and Lyla walked out of the clubhouse, his arm draped around her shoulders. He looked at you, eyebrows raised, “All good?”
You nodded, “All good. Thanks, Ope,” you smiled at Lyla, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She nodded and said goodbye as the two of them crossed the lot to Opie’s bike and left. With a deep sigh you felt your body shiver. Juice felt you tremble against him and he looked over at you.
“I can run and grab you a hoodie if you want. I got a bunch in my dorm.”
You shook your head as you stood up, “No, that’s alright. I should get going, anyway.”
“Already?”
You laughed, “Hey, I’m off the clock. I don’t gotta stay here until everyone leaves this time,” you finished off your drink and set the bottle of the table next to him.
“Want a lift home?” there was a smile on his face.
You shook your head with a chuckle, “Not tonight. Thank you, though.”
“Tomorrow night?” he raised his eyebrows.
You smiled and placed a quick, soft kiss on his temple, “Goodnight, Juice.”
You could feel him watching you as you crossed the lot to your car, and you shook your head to yourself as you tried to contain your laughter. There was something about him that made you let it go—if it had been any of the other guys you would’ve shot a snarky comment their way for their lingering eyes. But with Juice it was just different.
Once you got home, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized that you’d been holding. You dropped your purse to the floor next to your discarded shoes and made your way towards the bathroom to shower and rinse off the night. You closed your eyes as the soap suds slid down your body and made their way towards the shower drain. There wasn’t a single thought that crossed your mind that really stuck—each one of them disappeared as quickly as they showed up, and that was more than fine by you.
After your shower, you pulled on your most comfortable set of pajamas and huddled down in bed with the latest book that you had been making your way through. With a deep sigh you let yourself really settle against your pillows and under your blanket. You opened the book and dove in. However, every few pages or so, you found your eyes straying over to your phone.
Finally, after arguing with yourself about it for longer than you should have, you grabbed your phone and sent a text to Juice, “Don’t need bail. Just wanted to say thank you for tonight.”
You assumed that he knew it was you, because the response was immediate, “Don’t have to thank me for anything,” a few moments later a second text came through, “I should be the one thanking you for not kicking me off the table”
You laughed and shook your head as you typed out your response, “Well in that case…you’re welcome”
Shortly after sending the message, you passed out. Your hand was loosely cupping your phone as you drifted off to sleep, as if you were waiting for something more to happen.
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dazai-fics · 3 years
Text
Stargazing – Dazai Osamu
Pairing: Dazai x Reader (high school au)
Word Count: 2.6k*
Warnings: slight cursing, smut/nsfw- oral, fingering
Summary: Having Osamu Dazai as your boyfriend has never been boring.
A/n: This has been stuck in my head for a while and I finally was able to sit down and write it out so I hope you guys enjoy and don’t judge me too much because this is my first time writing out smut !
Inspired by: Stargazing*- The NBHD
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You could feel the cool of the evening seep into your bones as you groggily sat up in your plush bed. Once, then twice, did you blink to remove any bit of remaining sleep as you looked over to the source of your annoyance.
Your phone lit up with a string of messages from only one contact; a contact that as of late had made your heart pound in a way that was indescribable in every sense of the word. Sighing, you picked up the phone and began to read over the messages your extremely clingy boyfriend woke you up with.
‘Samu ♡:
1:04 AM
hey baby i can’t sleep u up?
1:04
Belladonna ? :(
1:05
I’m coming over, have a surprise for us :)
He’s what?
You were now fully awake at this point and groaned at the spontaneity and impulsiveness of your brunette lover. Knowing you had no choice but to go along with his antics, you got out of your bed and quickly ran to your closet hoping the faster you went, the quicker the chills would go away as they flared your arms and legs up with goosebumps.
You were already wearing sweatpants, so you decided to just throw on a black hoodie that was suspiciously too big on your figure.
You inhaled deeply as the smell of vanilla and mint overcame your senses causing a serene smile to overcome your features. Yes, this was indeed the sweatshirt of the Osamu Dazai; a man that in the last couple of months has invaded your every waking thought and had claim over any flush in your cheeks, dimple in your smile, and crinkle in your eyes as they closed shut-tight over the unbearable laughter released at one of his cheesy jokes.
Of course that didn’t mean everything was all raised heart beats and shared smiles with the boy as dating Dazai also meant caring for him and all his dark thoughts and emotions. As well as vise versa since your life by no means was easy and perfect. However, no matter how bad things got; or who left or entered your life, you could always count on Dazai, and him you, to be there whenever life caught you both in it’s gloomy and seemingly inescapable hold.
Another smile escaped your lips and you once again inhaled the calming scent; now thinking back to how you met the lanky, mysterious, goofball.
You had moved to your new town back in your freshman year of high school which of course meant having to make new friends and basically start a whole new life in a time that was so important and vital.
You remember your first day at ADA highschool so vividly; the sweat that built in your palms, and the barely visible motion of your toes curling into your shoes from anxiety. You had thought making friends would be impossible no matter how many times your parents assured you that your “charming” personality would help you make friends so very easily.
It was the end of the day and you were sure that your still very much lack of friends would mean that would be the truth for the rest of your four years in this high school you were very much forced to attend. You felt a tear quickly escape your eye as the anxiety started to take physical form; quickly you ran to a quiet corner and began to wipe furiously and harshly at your eyes as you reprimanded your sensitivity.
“What am I five? Why am I crying so hard?”
You jumped suddenly as you heard quiet giggles next to your ear.
You felt embarrassment flood your body as you wiped even harder to stop the tears. He was a bit blurry, but you could faintly make out the long, curly, brunette hair; dark chocolate eyes, and white bandages that wrapped around his long, lanky, figure. He also wore casual clothes which consisted of jeans, a hoodie, and sneakers.
Your first thought, of course besides the initial embarrassment and anger, was why he was wrapped in those seemingly endless rolls of bandages.
“Who is this weird banaged guy?” You scoffed to yourself as your sniffles came to an end.
“Done crying?” He asked teasingly, that stupid smug smile still on his face.
“I don’t remember asking for your help or comfort,” you said defensively, the venom not really reaching your still red and glossy face.
The boy laughed again good-naturedly; not intentionally trying to rile you up but he couldn’t help but think your anxiety was misplaced.
“Well then, why don’t you come walk home with my friend Atsushi and I, could be fun~,” he offered, his hand held out to you in an act of trying to make you feel comforted.
Your eyes widened as you hesitantly accepted his offer; the boy rushing you along as soon as your hands made contact, going into a rant over another boy named Kunikida mothering the absolute shit out of him.
Four years had gone by and you were both in your senior year;  nothing really changing between you except the now official titles of ‘boyfriend’ and ‘partner’ which you had longed for since as long as you could remember.
Since that fateful day, you had become a part of the best group of friends you could ask for consisting of Atsushi, Kunikida, Yosano, Kenji, Ranpo, kyouka, and of course Dazai.
However, you knew you wanted something more with Dazai since freshman year and although you two were… close, he never seemed interested in more. He seemingly always had a new girl on his arm bragging about the various amounts of… sexual interactions he would have with them and each time it broke your heart a little more.
Despite all that, he would hold you whenever you were down, wiped your tears whenever they fell, and held you close when you couldn’t sleep; pressing gentle kisses when he thought you were knocked out by exhaustion finally hitting you.
Dazai had intimacy issues and fears you knew were holding him back from officially committing to you which is why you never pressed anything and kept your feelings locked up nice and tight… until a couple of months ago when it all came to a head.
Harsh words; honest words were shared by you both in an argument you thought would rip the person you had come to love and rely on most from you forever. Luckily it did the exact opposite as Dazai decided he was done with denying himself from your pure and warm love that made his dark world just a bit brighter everyday.
And now you two were inseparable; lips never too far from each other, limbs entangled whenever chance allowed. Your other friends were definitely sick of it but you both didn’t care as you denied each other from this comfort for too long to let any time go to waste.
You were snapped out of your reverie by gentle tapping at your window. You quickly turned your head to see the man of your thoughts sitting patiently on the ledge, a goofy smile etched into his pretty, pink lips.
You scoffed playfully as you made your way across the room to open the window for him. Immediately, he placed his lips on yours in a passionate kiss as his hands came up to cup your face lovingly.
“Mmm missed you so much,” he mumbled against your lips causing you to giggle.
“We saw each other, like, six hours ago!” You exclaimed slapping him playfully, causing him to release a laugh himself.
“Exactly! Now c’mon I’m taking you somewhere,” Dazai commanded you gently, grabbing your hand as he guided you out the window.
“‘Samu it’s one in the morning, where are we going?” You groaned in annoyance wanting your boyfriend to join you in bed and cuddle you back to sleep.
“Nuh uh uh~ It’s a surprise!” He exclaimed playfully booping you on the nose as you both made your way to his black range rover.
“Alright, whatever, can I at least get a hint?”
“Hmm, okay, okay, fine,” Dazai relented as he began to type away on his phone playing a song from his spotify that came out on his connected bluetooth, touch screen.
Take it from the top, if I start I just can’t stop…
You giggled silently as you shook your head, your boyfriend rolling down both of your windows and turning up the music for what he likes to call ‘the full midnight drive experience.’
“So are we going stargazing?!” You yelled over the wind and music.
“Yep!” He yelled back cheerily taking one hand off of the wheel to rub at your thigh comfortingly.
“Pull it out of park put in drive, I can feel your heart beating with mine, underneath the stars, lookin' for a sign glowin' in the dark 'til the sun shines, made it pretty far on the first try, might've set the bar a little too high, started with a spark, now we're on fire-”
You both yelled together which winded up with you both laughing uncontrollably. Dazai continued to sing along with the neighborhood as you took this as a chance to examine how gorgeous this man truly was.
His silky, curly brunette hair went everywhere as the wind entangled with it, his dark chocolate eyes shined with the headlights from the cars going on the opposite side of the freeway, his bandaged hands gripped at the wheel allowing you to see every vein and bone from his knuckles, and his face was flushed pink from the yelling and wind.
You laughed freely as you once again joined in with his singing; utter and complete joy filling you both which was rare.
Eventually, you both reached a secluded park with a hill; perfect for sitting and stargazing. Once you both got out, Dazai layed out a towel for you both to cuddle on without getting soaked from the freshly sprayed grass.
You both giggled loudly like the teenagers in love you were as you made yourself comfortable on your boyfriend’s chest; his lanky arms coming to wrap themselves around you, one occasionally letting go to point out the constellations or meteors blinking past in the inky sky.
You had to hold in your snickers whenever he would wrongly name a constellation but nonetheless; you would place a soft kiss on his cheek and thank him for teaching them to you.
Soon, the soft kisses on the cheek would turn to passionate kisses on the lips as Dazai changed his position to where he was on top of you. He began to leave a trail of kisses down your jaw to your neck; the juxtaposition of his warm kisses to the cold air surrounding you both caused small whimpers of pleasure to leave your lips.
“‘Samu…” you called breathily causing your boyfriend to look up from the dark hickeys he was ever-so-carefully placing on your collarbone.
“What is it, my belladonna?” He asked teasingly, returning to his methodically placed kisses.
“More…” you whined as arousal began to pool in your gut.
“As you wish.”
Dazai kissed lower down your belly to the elastic band of your panties. After leaving a couple small kisses on your hip bone, he looked up into your eyes for confirmation it was okay to go further. You nodded urgently and placed your hand in his soft locks as if to urge him on.  He let out a chuckle at your eagerness but complied nonetheless; you were his princess and whatever you asked of him he would do, even at the cost of his own wellbeing.
After pulling down your sweatpants and panties, he immediately attached his tongue to your clit; moving it in small circles he knew would make you fall apart. Your whines and whimpers fuled him on as your fingers harshly pulled on his locks.
“‘Samu… want your fingers” You ordered in between moans.
“Where baby, tell me,” he whispered, placing a soft kiss on your clit.
“inside…please!”
“As you wish.”
Dazai slowly placed his ring and middle fingers into your tight cunt, “Fuck belladonna, so wet for me,” he all but moaned as he gently moved his fingers around trying to find the spot that would have you fall apart all over him.
“‘Samu there! Please!” You gasped as he found your G-spot; not letting up until your back arched and you cummed all over his fingers.
“Good girl; my good, pretty girl that’s it,” he whispered gently as he coaxed you down from your high.
He licked away all the wetness from his fingers as he came back up to meet your lips in a passionate kiss filled with lust and love.
“‘Samu, want more..” you begged softly against his lips.
“Mmm what could you possibly mean~” your boyfriend teased causing you to groan.
“Oh like you don’t want the same thing I can see your hard-on from here,” you teased back looking down to see he was indeed impossibly hard in well fitted grey sweatpants.
“Ha-ha touché, belladonna.”
You both shared a loving laugh as you once again met in a kiss, your hand cupping the back of his head to bring him even closer. Dazai separated for a second to take off his pants and underwear letting his painfully hard cock hit against his abdomen, Dazai letting out a hiss from the cold hair hitting it.
“Need you baby, please,” you whined as your boyfriend soothed you with a kiss to the neck as he began to line his dick up with your wet pussy.
“Almost in, tell me if it ‘urts,” he mumbled as he began to fill you up.
You gasped, never truly used to his size but feeling complete nevertheless.
“Okay?” He asked gently and you nodded kissing his cheek giving him the silent permission to keep going.
“Feels so good ‘Samu!” You moaned as he picked up speed.
“Fuck you’re so tight baby, always so good and tight for me,” your boyfriend praised as he kept up a gentle pace trying to bring you both to your respective highs.
“Gonna cum ‘Samu,'' you whimpered as you felt the coil in your abdomen beginning to snap.
“Go on belladonna, cum for me,” he praised as you did just that; the fast tightening of your warm cunt milking Dazai’s cock as he began to cum with you.
Dazai collapsed on top of you, burying his head in your warm neck and you wrapped your smaller arms around his waist.
“Love you so much ‘Samu,'' you whispered as you felt soft kisses being placed on the dark hickeys your boyfriend left prior.
“Love you more, belladonna; thank you for always being by my side,” he whispered back.
After indulging in each other’s warmth and comfort for a while longer, Dazai cleaned you both up with the towel and dressed you both as he then gently picked you up and placed you in the back seat to lay down as you had fallen asleep.
He took a warm blanket he always kept for you in the trunk and tucked and buckled you in as he took his place in the driver’s seat and drove you both back to your house.
Once you both arrived he took you in arms and walked you both up to the front door where he used the key you gave him to let you in.  As quietly as possible, he then took you both upstairs to your room where he tucked you in again and then got comfortable in the bed next to you; gathering you in his arms and then pressing a kiss to your head.
“Good night, my love sleep well.”
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aro-but-not-ace · 2 years
Note
follow up question… is it normal for alloromantics to never get crushes on fiction or irl and only have had like 1 or 2 throughout their whole life and be 17/18 or is that more of an aro thing? do allos get crushes more?? tbh. I see allos just “start dating” people they just met or consider their relationship romantic when just starting to talk to someone and I couldn’t do that bc I don’t get feelings like that. is that how is supposed to go like do allos not always get a strong friendship with them before anything romantic happens?… they just jump right into romance? They get full romantic crushes on celebrities and fictional characters?? they do blind dating too and I could never.. when people had crushes on me I felt panic and discomfort at reciprocating.. it’s taken me so long to get more comfortable being romantic with my partner (sometimes it feels better when I’m doing it platonic with a friend and people know it’s not actually romantic but it is fun to pretend) and I do love doing it w my partner and want to cuddle and hug and stuff but it’s still hard sometimes to do stuff like kissing and I’m scared to have people see us be romantic but maybe it’s just social anxiety. sometimes I don’t feel much towards it either and I question my romantic feelings all the time (but I also have relationship ocd so lol).. I guess looking back on everything I haven’t been too much interested in a romantic partner compared to my friends constantly getting partners and crushes.. especially on people they never even talk to. but since I love romance in media and I do love my partner romantically I feel like I can’t be aro. idk my brain feels confused bc I’m trying to think of what else bejng aro feels like and how it could it apply to me before I go saying I am
First of all, I wanted to apologize for not seeing this until AFTER I posted the first ask… my wifi has been spotty and went out after I started replying, I assume 😅
This sounds like you’re aro (or on the spectrum). That’s only based on my experience and definition of the labels, so don’t take that as gospel or anything.
I got my first actual crush when I was 17, and then I realized that all my “crushes” in the past were, indeed, fake. Though here’s a fun, ironic story: during high school, my entire friend group except for one person was arospec—but nearly all of us had no clue yet.
Therefore, whenever I asked how they felt romantic attraction, it was the same as me, so I thought I was alloro. But then I asked actual alloro people later, and they were like “no yeah, I’ve felt that ‘love at first sight’ feeling, it’s real,” and I… it just blew my mind.
I also realized I was romance repulsed at the time, and that it wasn’t a “normal” alloro experience. I had a boyfriend, and he kissed me on the cheek—it was without my consent, which was bad enough, but I felt sick the entire day. I literally wanted to curl up and never talk with him again, because I felt bad that I felt genuinely nauseous after he kissed me. It wasn’t like “oh, that was weird”—it was genuine repulsion.
After I broke up with him (I was ~15 or 16), I had no interest in dating someone else. Everyone kept asking, “when are you going to get into another relationship? Haven’t you thought of dating again?” And the answer was “no, why do you keep asking? I just want to learn about biology. We’re in biology class.”
So, my experiences are similar to yours, I think. I also have social anxiety, but I feel as if the social anxiety would rather stop someone from pursuing the attraction, rather than feeling it. When I had a crush on that one person, I still had the attraction, but I felt extremely anxious to come out and say it. And not in a normal anxious way. But that’s a story for another time.
I hope this helped and provided some bit of clarification!!
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likesrandomstuff · 3 years
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Avalance Fic Recommendations Part 2
This is the second instalment of my Avalance Fic Rec series. See Part 1 (link below) for the explanation of what’s going on. One thing to add, if you like a fic, there’s a good chance the author has more, so I would encourage checking out their author profile to see what else they’ve done.
Part 1: Bite Sized
Snacks (Between 5,000 and 20,000 words)
When you want plot, but here for a good time, not a long time
Better than Ice Cream by Gabna43
My tags: Ava’s pov from first date to asking for French toast, it’s really sweet, great character work
This fills in the gap in season 3, as Zari says that Ava is wearing what she wore previously, but Ava was wearing her suit for the first kiss. That must mean multiple days of fluff! One sad thing about season 3 is how little time Avalance got in the honeymoon phrase before the break-up. This fills it in perfectly.
never be the same by lucylikestowrite
My tags: Soulmate AU, but canon for 3A, Ava feels the connection while Sara doesn’t, until she does
I love soulmate AUs. So much. Basically, Ava feels something for Sara, but soulmates aren’t real. Takes you through 3A from Ava’s perspective. Really interesting twist on what happened when Sara went through that Mallus portal. Canon until after Beebo God of War.
i just wanna spend the nights with you by moonlitprincess
My tags: College AU! Sara has abs, Ava cannot cope with them
I could read this fic every day of my life and still not be sick of it. Ava hates Sara, except for all the things she likes about Sara, so maybe she doesn’t hate her. They are out a house party, and a frat guy is hitting on Ava. Sara comes to the rescue. Things escalate from there. Not smoothly.
Bent With Longing by MufasaTheChill
My tags: Early season 3 setting, Sara loses her memories in a mission, Ava is tasked with looking after her
Ava gets to see a different side of Sara when Sara doesn’t have the weight of all that has happened to her. Happy Sara is great. The Legends want to keep it that way. A really nice character exploration of Sara, and what she might have been like if everything didn’t happen.
Nailing The Canary by notthegoblin
My tags: Ava is trying to arrest the crime boss The Canary, she runs into Sara and feelings, does not know Sara is the Canary
When the person you’re falling for and the person you’re chasing are the same person. It makes life hard, especially if you don’t know. Ava can’t say no to Sara, Sara would do anything for Ava. It gets messy and Darhk is a pain.
guns hidden under our petticoats by plinys
My tags: one of the classics, Ava has to make sure Sara survives to be recruited by Rip, Arrow Season 2-4 from Ava and the Time Bureau’s perspective
Ava is supposed to be keeping an eye on (babysitting) Sara. Sara finds her out. Ava has to deal with keeping Sara safe and not letting Sara know too much. One of the I’m not sure how much this will make sense if you haven’t seen Arrow, but it’s better than Arrow group. Sara sorts through Ava’s mail. That’s an important plot point.
i can be your hero by plinys
My tags: The shortest of the Social Media AUs, everyone’s a Marvel fan, they go to a con
If you haven’t seen one of these before, I’d start here, as the others on my list are significantly longer. The bulk of the story is told on Twitter through fake screenshots from social media. I personally find them so cool, but if you give it a go and don’t care for it, 90% of the list is normal fics. If the story isn’t your thing, the other three are all very different in tone, so you might still enjoy them. The fic is the follow-up from what’s told on Twitter, which is the case for all of them. Plot wise, Sara and Ava are mutuals, Ava has a crush, and has to deal with meeting Sara in person for the first time.
Two Sides of The Same Coin by reshop_heda
My tags: set in Season 4, new recruits are sexist, Sara puts them in their place
Who better to train new agents than the White Canary? Especially when said agents were being rude towards Ava in her earshot. They deserve it. There’s Avalance not being able to keep their hands off each other too. Ava has two sides: Director and in love with Sara.
the more things change by TheTruthAboutLove
My tags: the kid from the future visiting present day fic, Avalance’s kid keeps visiting her mums at different ages of her life, featuring a canon Arrowverse character that did that (Nora)
It’s really strange that Arrow, the most grounded of the original shows, had future kids, but Legends, a time travel show, has not. Avalance are great parents, even though they are not ready to be full time. The conversation about getting a cat is 100% my niece at that age, so there is authenticity. Avalance realise they are in it for the long haul, and they love that.
Moonshine by WardenRoot
My tags: College AU, Sara and Ava have mutual friends but don’t really know each other, what Ava calls a one-time thing keeps happening.
Ava does not have time for a girlfriend, but she and Sara keep hooking up, then spending time together before hooking up, then spending time together without hooking up, wait a minute. Fun teasing from the rest of the Legends help push them in the right direction. Super fun story from one of my favourites.
Click here to see all the parts
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