#like I like to pretend that I’m weak to validation and like come on

[letssofia3006]

You know what’s even better than waking up with a certain someone absolutely annihilating your notifications with likes? When they escalate to a full-blown reblog spree.

[amuseoffyre]

Thinking about all the different shades of performative masculinity represented in Ted Lasso and all the ways the characters are gradually overcoming them to simply be themselves.

You’ve got Ted being the chipper country lad, who papers over all his traumas and insecurity with humour, pouring out so much of himself to help and support others that he keeps nothing for himself to the detriment of his marriage and his friendships. He’s learned to accept the negative emotions aren’t something to be ashamed of or hidden from or something that makes you a weak or bad person, which is allowing him to process them and deal with them in a healthy way.

You’ve got Jamie who was so convinced he had to be the Prick and the Big Man that he turned into a mirror of his father, but with an emotional support squad and some encouragement, he’s unpicking all that. Over three seasons, he’s becoming more and more confident in himself and how he comes across and even feels validated in sharing his opinions and thoughts instead of throwing a tantrum and saying “I’m hurt” like he did in S1.

You’ve got Roy who still carries some of the Big Man and Prick mentality he had from 20 years of being a premiere league footballer, but we get to see it tempered by how big his heart is, especially around Keeley and Phoebe and how much he lets himself care. He’s reached a point where he speaks about his vulnerabilities and emotions, even if he couches it in metaphors and instead of immediately resorting to violence and headbutting people, he will use his words instead. Okay yes, and some growling, but there is distinctly less headbutting this season.

You’ve got Trent who wielded words like a weapon, disparaging and dismissive and cutting down the footballers who he could never be. He loved the sport, but he hated the way he was treated as someone who couldn’t do it, so the pen became mightier than the sword. He became the edgy hard-nosed infamous reporter people came to fear. Only now, he’s given up his cutting, scathing words for a story with heart and soul and a story that has him so excited, he forgets all about the way he’s presented himself for years and is just giddy and not afraid to let everyone see it.

You’ve got Nate who has been condescended to and belittled so much his entire life that he assumes the worst in every situation. He’s trying to become “the big dog”. He’s got the job he wanted through backstabbing, betrayal and being a dick, but now thanks to Rupert still condescending and belittling him, he’s gradually - oh so frigging slowly - starting to see that acting like the big dog as he sees it isn’t him. That he can be accepted as who he is instead of who he pretends to be.

You’ve got Colin who fell into step with Jamie’s influence back in the day, doing what Jamie wanted to get approval and acceptance, including being a bullying little toerag, but who is now learning to be more confident and sure of who he is to the point he can speak about his sexuality to someone from his workplace, even if he hadn’t planned on it.

You’ve got Sam who... yeah, no, who am I kidding? Sam is wonderful and lovely :D

I love this show so very much.

[guiltycorp]

this might be a controversial opinion, but I think Shoko’s ‘I was there too’ was another expression of the author’s slide into sexism in the latter half of JJK

because the thing is, at the time of reading the backstory arc, I thought it was an exceptionally good decision not to involve Shoko in the main plot too much despite being the typical 1 girl 2 boys as per shonen standards, she refused to engage with them on a narrative level from her words about ‘never becoming trash like those two’ to her consistent avoidance of getting involved in their conflicts, Shoko also never presented her own stance on strong vs weak or non-sorcerers vs sorcerers, she just wanted to do her own thing and let the boys sort out themselves

and when letting Gojo know the whereabouts of the newly snapped Geto, she says ‘no way, i don’t want to be killed’, which is obviously another valid reason why she didn’t want to participate in their break-up thing

...for a ‘girl character in a trio’ this complete avoidance is an admirably fresh character trait!! if she tried to act like a true supportive friend, she would inevitably have to take on the emotional burden of her two male classmates no matter how empathetic Geto was as a person, with his slide into complete breakdown it would still fall on Shoko to try and handle it emotionally, leading to an unsatisfactory sexist trope similarly to Nobara who never acted as the ‘safe-rational-emotional core of the group’, Shoko never fell into the trap of being a prop for male characters’ feelings and decisions   

moreover, it worked well in that arc specifically because there were other female characters who actually did serve as exactly that, changing both Gojo and Geto for good despite this being another ‘female character dies for male character progression’ i think it still worked pretty well due to Riko representing the established cycle of innocent youth dying because of their messed up society 

(...and also because this was far from the only factor influencing both Gojo and Geto) 

one could argue that still, with Shoko and Yaga being the only survivors who knew Gojo and Geto that well (the extent of Nanami’s closeness to them seems unclear to me) Gojo never remained alone ...but Yaga was another cog in the system, consecutively failing his students time and time again and Shoko... well, in the fanbook, it was said that she’s neutral and doesn’t have a preference between Gojo and the higher-ups, and yeah, she didn’t comment on any of his rants about changing the status-quo

of course, she still did what he asked her to do (writing off Yuji as ‘deceased’ on the report) and she is not completely heartless as seen in the JJK0 movie where she immediately left the room as soon as Yaga called for Geto’s immediate execution  there’s also the ambiguous way Kenjaku phrased this where it could mean either that Gojo himself didn’t want to fully destroy Geto’s body or that he didn’t want Shoko to do it to spare her feelings (personally i’m leaning more towards the first option tho tbh) ‘You are only considerate during such awkward moments’.

BUT THE POINT IS, no matter how valid for her own character, she did absolutely leave both Gojo and Geto alone! purposefully so, too so for the author to suddenly bring up her own feelings making it seem as if it’s Gojo who ignored her steadfast support and presence in his life is... just a return to the more basic tenets of ‘woman longs to be appreciated by a man but the man is busy doing other more important things’

like, Gojo is a dumb bitch with extremely low emotional intelligence who relies a little too much on his personal understanding of strength when it comes to forging connections but to pretend that Shoko was there for him or Geto is a disservice to all of their characters also, while it’s canon that Gojo doesn’t let himself open up to anyone other than Geto, it’s not like there are people by his side who’d be willing to listen to him anyway?... it’s not a coincidence that both Utahime and Nanami have a lot of Geto’s more admirable traits and yet dislike Gojo instead of enjoying his company and to me it’s a shame that fandom jumped so readily on this perceived dynamic of poor left-out Shoko...

she was never left out, she left on her own time and time again!

[aheckinmess]

The Straw [Toshinori] (Angst)

(One-shot 24/? in a collection of My Hero Academia one-shots posted regularly on Saturdays - and sometimes Sundays.)

Read on AO3.

Tags: Toshinori Yagi, All Might, Smol Might, Small Might, Original Female Character(s), Ichijiku Aoki, Protective Toshinori, Protective All Might, All Might-centric, Young Toshinori Yagi, Angst, Just a Taste of Hurt/Comfort for Flavor, OC Gets Angry, One Might Even Say Furious, No Actual Trees Were Harmed in the Making of This Prompt, If Anyone Finds That Tennis Ball Please Let Me Know, If You're Angry and You Know It Stomp Your Feet, Toshinori Deserves the World, He's Seen So Much of Ichijiku's Shit, And He Still Loves Her So Much

Word Count: 2,375 words

Summary: Ichijiku has shared almost every part of herself with Toshinori. Almost every part, except her rage. So, when her grandmother calls with news that Ichi's mother is missing, she gets to see just how much Toshinori is willing to put up with.

Author's Note: Not gonna lie, I wrote this prompt because I read a story that made me livid and I needed to feel validated for how much anger I was feeling.

Content Warning: Strong, vulgar language

Ichijiku (Tigress)

Toshinori knows almost every part of me. Strong arms brace me when my knees are too weak to stand.  Weathered hands soothe me when I laugh so hard my sides cramp. Even when I’m ranting and irritable, he listens to me vent about injustices I face.

He sees the good, the bad, and the ugliest parts of me and still holds on tight.

I hold onto that promise when I make my bi-weekly phone call to my mother to check in. It’s always a coin flip if a phone call home will end in drama, depression, or deceit. Needless to say, I don’t have high hopes as the dial tone rings in my ear.

“Ichijiku?” Grandma’s voice is the first to come over the phone.

Which wouldn’t be odd except my mom always answers her phone, and Grandma sounds out of breath. Is she okay? Is one of them in the hospital? My chest hurts as various scenarios play through the projector of my mind.

“Grandma?” I hop onto the kitchen counter where I have the perfect view of Toshinori through the cracked door of the study. The soft curve of his lips into a smile dampens the anxiety clawing at my heart. “Is Mommy there?” 

“Your mother,” She begins, and I know there’s trouble. “Left her phone here and has not been seen or heard from since this morning!” 

Bubbling irritation replaces sheer panic in seconds. This isn’t new for my mother, and immediately I jump back off the counter to find something to clean. Focusing my attention on something else helps distract me from my emotions in order to first find my mother. Even from a country away, I’m already strategizing.

“Do you know where she might have gone? Like, did anyone see a car pick her up or did she just sneak out?” I question, chewing at my lip as I turn on the water and start dishes. “Has she been acting strange this week?”

“She’s been doing what she normally does and staying cooped up in her room all day on her phone. But it must have been this morning because I went to check on her at about eight and she was in bed.” Grandma huffs. “Ami’s out there driving to see if she can find her on the trail, but you know I can’t go anywhere because I can’t leave Grandpa here while he’s sick.”

“I know, Grandma. I’ll see what I can do.” I tell her, hearing a beep on the other line. The number is unknown, but my mother has been known to call me and tell on herself. “Hang on, I think she might be calling me from a different phone. I’m going to see who this is.”

“Alright, bye.”

I swipe on the number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, baby, how are you doing?” Even over the phone, my mom doesn’t hide the dull monotone she speaks with. She’s learned if she sounds depressed enough, people will give her the attention she so desperately craves.

“Hey, Mommy, what are you up to?” I ask, pretending like I know nothing while I put her on speaker so I can text my aunt after drying my hands. On the phone with Mom now. Will let you know if she tells me where she is.

“Oh, I’m just walking. Trying to get out of the house.” She sighs. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing much, just washing some dishes while Toshi reads in the study.” I tell her. “You walking on the trail? Is the weather nice?”

“Yeah, I’m over here near the boat ramp…just watching the boats.” Every exhale she makes sends static through the phone. “How are you and Tosh…Toshi…nomi? Ah, I can’t say his name.”

“Toshinori is good.” I correct her. Said she’s at the boat ramp watching the boats. “Is the water up today? Does it look rough?”

Thank you, pumpkin. Headed that way. 

“Eh…it kinda looks like it might be up a little bit.” She pauses. “You remember when your daddy used to take us down here all the time?”

The first kindling of anger smokes at the mention of my father. You dare bring him up when you’re out there walking and trying to spread your legs for someone else? Tiger snarls as I dry my hands once more and begin pacing, needing the movement to calm me down.

“Yes, I remember. We used to go to the sandbar all the time, too.”

“Yeah…I miss him.” Her voice sounds strangled; I feel sympathy but it’s drowned in betrayal and rage. He worked so hard for you. He did everything for you. We both did. And all you did was throw it back in our face and take advantage of us. “I miss your daddy, baby.”

The smoke of my rage bursts into flames, growing with every pass down the hallway.

“I miss him too, Mommy.” There’s a bite in my tone, but I swallow the rest of it back. I don’t, however, swallow all of the sass. “Guess that’s why you’re out looking for another man now, huh?”

“No, I am not!” She says indignantly. “I just wanted the fresh air. Is there something wrong with fresh air?”

“No, there’s not.” I concede. “But did you tell Grandma you were going?”

“No, I didn’t tell her. I’m a grown ass adult, thank you very much! I’m not a child, Ichijiku Aoki.” She snaps.

“An adult doesn’t leave without telling anyone where they're going, Mom.” I say calmly. “Especially when you’ve been known to leave and get in other peoples’ cars.”

“Your grandma doesn’t need to know where I am all the fucking time!” The tantrum is tangible in her tone. I feel it through the receiver and the flames only grow brighter. My limbs start burning, vibrating with the need to sling my phone straight across the room. With the need to break something. “I can take care of myself!”

I found her, pumpkin.

“But you’ve proven you can’t, Mom.” My jaw clenches taut as I force gulp after gulp of air down into my lungs. “Grandma and Grandpa are older and need help doing things, especially since Grandpa’s sick. And you’re the only one there to help them. You left them there alone. You could have just told them where you were going and gone for a walk. No one would be upset at you for that. We only get upset when you disappear because we don’t know where you are or if you’re safe.”

“Whatever.” She grouses, the static punching through the speaker as her breaths get sharper. There’s a pause and I hear Aunt Ami’s voice distantly in the speaker, to which my mom answers. “I’m not doing anything! I’m just walking!” 

“You go with Aunt Ami.” I say, sounding serene and cool when I feel everything but. “I’ll check in with you later while I finish dishes. I love you, Mommy.”

“Yeah, I love you too…I’ll talk with you later, darlin’.” She says.

When the line disconnects, bittersweet memories flood me until even Endeavor’s flames would look pitiful compared to the all-consuming inferno dripping through my veins with every breath. Memories of my dad telling me how proud he was that I’d been accepted into college, followed swiftly by my mother going missing the day before I was supposed to leave. Thoughts of my dad weak and feeble in the hospital tango with the reminder that my mother was sleeping in a hotel with my bastard uncle while my dad took his dying breaths.

I grab my security baseball bat and step into the backyard, shaking with bitterness and pain and heartache. A pile of used tires still lay strewn across the yard from one of Toshi’s workouts, not to mention the copious amounts of thick camphor and maple trees that are more than able to withstand my fury. That’ll fucking do.

Letting the door slam behind me, I toss the bat up, catch it by the handle and wail into the first thing I see. THWOMP! A maple tastes the initial brunt of my fury before I whip around into a tire. THWOMP! Sweat drips down my neck and time is but a child’s playtoy as the inferno reaches a fever pitch. Tiger and I meld together into one searing wildfire as we sink our teeth and claws into anything that crosses our path.

No thoughts. Only destruction. I snatch a dead limb from a camphor nearby. A tennis ball meets the toe of my shoe for but a fleeting moment before it finds a new home in the endless void. I claw at the dirt, relishing in the feeling of pressure beneath my nails. When my teeth find themselves unsatiated? I stuff the collar of my shirt in my mouth and bite hard, before I pick up the bat again.

THWOMP! THWOMP! THWOMP!

“Ichan?” Something stops the forward momentum of my weapon and I growl as I rip it back. A familiar hand touches my shoulder. “Hey, it’s–”

“IT’S NOT OKAY!” I roar, slinging my bat into the dirt and panting as I glare at him. “SHE THINKS SHE’S SO FUCKING CLEVER AND ALL SHE’S EVER DONE IS HURT ME!” 

Toshinori knows almost every part of me.

But he’s never met my rage.

“I’M SO SICK OF IT!” I choke, breathing cold venom that numbs my body. “I’M SO SICK OF PUTTING EFFORT INTO HER WHEN SHE JUST PUTS ALL THE WORK ON ME! WHEN I’M THE ONLY ONE DOING ANYTHING! WHEN SHE ACTS LIKE SHE DOESN’T KNOW ANY BETTER BUT SHE DOES!”

Toshinori stands and gawks. Aside from my vicious monologue, no words are exchanged as he remains silent. And I don’t really blame him.

I pick up my bat and swing at another tree. 

“ALL THAT DAMN WORK THWACK AND ALL SHE CARES ABOUT IS ANOTHER MAN’S DICK! THWONK DOES SHE CARE ABOUT EVERYTHING MY DAD AND I DID FOR HER? NO! THWOMP SHE RODE SOME MAN’S COCK WHILE MY DAD WAS DYING!”  

I don’t know how long Toshinori stands there to listen and watch as I lay waste to our backyard, but when I finally calm down, I drop the bat and thunk my head straight into his chest. My fingers entwine with his and I murmur one plea.

“Push against me, please.” I say, before squeezing his hands and shoving my weight against him. 

It’s doubtful that he expends even a fraction of his strength, but I’m grateful that he still indulges me. He may barely have to flex a muscle, but my arms burn with the strain of resistance until I can push no more.

“Ichan…” He begins when I’ve finished, pausing to see if I still need my time. “What do you need from me?”

“I don’t know. I just want to break something.” I murmur; my fire still burns though its glowing light dims. “I’m just so angry at her. She’s allowed to want to be an adult and have her freedom, so I feel guilty for being so upset. But, while her brain processes differently from a neurotypical mind…she still knows what she’s doing. Always has. And I can’t help but wish she’d at least show a little remorse and take a little responsibility for her actions. My dad did everything for her…” 

“Your emotions are valid. And you are wise to find a safe space to get rid of that energy.” Toshinori’s thumb rubs over my cheek. “Do you need to talk it out some more?” He asks, before his chest shakes with an almost chuckle. “Or do I need to get the sledgehammer?”

His humor breaks through my armor. A laugh escapes me, and I guide his large fingers to the sides of my head, urging him to massage my scalp. As he does, the rest of my tension melts, though the embers of my fury still glow.

“I love her, but it’s so hard to talk with her when she makes my life unlivable.” I breathe, leaning into his palm. “She went walking today and it was a whole fiasco…exhausting.”

“It sounds like it.” He agrees, planting a kiss on my sweaty forehead. “What was that whole ordeal about the hospital?”

“I told you how my dad died, right?” When he confirms, I continue. “While he was in the hospital, my mom would go walking…our sign that she was going to meet up with my uncle for sex. But one day she went when my dad was in the hospital, and my grandma went through her purse during one of those walks and found a letter to my uncle. It was talking about all the stuff she wanted to do to him, how much she loved him, etcetera.” I squeeze his hands again, a warning. “She was fucking around with my uncle while my dad was laying in a coma, dying…”

“Oh, Ichan,” He coos, running his fingers through my hair again. “That’s enough to fuel any man’s fury.”

“She called me today while she was walking so I was able to help my aunt track her down and get her, but today it just…” I trail off, unable to explain.

“There are some people like Sayuri and Endeavor who keep their anger simmering, quick to boil since that’s their default emotion.” He begins, before putting his hand under my chin. “But you and I are similar in a lot of ways, Ichan. Rage is not our default. Our default emotions are not warm emotions. Compassion and sorrow. A pot filled with ice cold water. Possible to boil, but over a much longer time. And because we withhold that rage, our anger is very cold and ruthless. We cover it up as long as we can until it boils over.”

He guides me inside and towards the bathroom, where a shower is calling my name. But he pauses me outside the doorway and looks right into my eyes.

“You’re allowed to be angry, Ichan. You grew up with people who thought you were harmless because you don’t show your rage as often…” He pulls me in his arms where my rage simmers out into passion, pulling a heavy sigh from my chest. “...but you are humble, not harmless.”

Want More Toshinori? Try: Atlas

[gunsli-01]

So I have a qustion for you bestie, do you really think mu was in love with her victim or was the queen off milgram pulling a victim card

TL;DR: Yes, all the things that have come out regarding Mu supports the framing that she was romantically interested in her victim. After Pain, Otome Dissection, and MKDR paint a firm picture of this being the case when watched and considered in conjunction with one another. So, barring any huge world-shattering bombshells coming out in the mv for It's not my fault this is more than likely the case.

It’s not even that I want to believe it is. I tend to be harsher on Mu than any of the others. Because honestly...I find her personality grating and she’s not the type of mean girl I tend to view favorably. That would go to Yuno.

Mu, just isn’t harsh enough for me. Plus, I hate people that pretend to be weak when they’re strong the most. That’s just my personal bias. She could be colder, and I actively like the way she’s behaving now more than how she was in trial one. Even if it’s still not as mean or the sort of meanest I prefer it at least feels honest and I like that.

However, I’m not going to ignore the facts just because they don’t validate my feelings. In this case Mu’s own songs and her covers tell the story of a teenager who fell in what they believed to be love and tried to do everything to keep that. Even if the behavior they exhibited to do so was toxic.

Honestly, I thought Mu would be getting Chimera just because of how fake she came off to me. I have zero reason to defend her, but her romantic feelings seem genuine and what the information provided is leaning towards. She doesn't seem good at lying about her emotions outside of omitting them entirely.

I did a post on Mu and Futa going over everything I thought about them before. Though Futa got more attention than Mu given I was more interested in him at that time.

However, in that post I mention that I believe Mu’s mv is out of order. That her music video is the first one to start messing around with time distortion and my belief that her victim was dead before her bullying ever began. In her first interrogation she answers the question, “What do you dislike?” with-

“Scary people and ghosts. Oh, and right now, school.”

The hourglass Mu is stuck in throughout After Pain breaks from falling off her desk at the beginning of her music video. The flower shown at the end of After Pain is firmly planted on the desk next to hers, presumably the one belonging to her victim. Implying she was dead while Mu was still in school. Despite her claiming she doesn’t remember what happened after her crime the writing on the blackboard at the end of After Pain tells a different story alluding to people wondering if it was a murder or suicide.

We know the wording on the blackboard at the end of Mu’s mv isn’t referring to her since one of the things written on it translates to,

“Reeks of poverty.”

And the Milgram team have made it abundantly clear that Mu was born financially well off. Her classmates would also know this, given that she’s texting her old friends about giving them expensive lipstick as gifts during the mv. So, she was someone who did show off her wealth to the extent that this insult wouldn’t be lodged at her. Meaning these are not the same instances of bullying.

Also, where it says drew a picture of you on the board the drawing looks nothing like Mu but weirdly resembles the girl she killed. The final nail in the coffin on this one is, “Thanks for all the fun times we’ve had! The flowers are a present for you!”

As we see, the flowers are not on Mu's desk but on the desk right next to hers. Her standing in front of the board holding one of the flowers is even more suspicious cause that means she’s either a part of the bullying or the instigator of it. More than likely the instigator given this line that can be found on the board as well, “Acting like the heroine.” Along with this line in her music video “If you’re going to make me the villain it’s ok to ignore me.”

This is vastly different from the board that we see at the beginning that is full of things directly targeting Mu specifically. If we take into consideration that her classmates have reason to believe that she killed someone else then these things shown on the board at the beginning make more sense, “You should go to a reformatory” “Criminal” “I did nothing wrong←huh?!”. The first board also includes jokes about Mu’s name specifically. So, we know all this bullying is towards her.

When it comes to her being romantically interested in her victim I feel what matters the most is what Mu didn't say. She wants to appear like a victim certainly, but she wants to do it on her own terms. I don't think she'd be okay with any of us knowing someone found her undesirable. This is possibly one of the other reasons she doesn't want the guards looking as close as she wanted them to before anymore.

Because honestly it would be embarrassing having people know a thing like that. Which is why she remained so vague about how her victim hurt her during her first interrogation and why we never see her victim partake in bullying her during After Pain. Also, why she says this when being bullied by her former friends, "If you’re going to make me the villain. It’s ok to ignore me. If it’s endurance, I’m used to it. It’s just having another taste of it."

She's already been ignored by someone who meant far more to her than her former friends probably did. So, she should be used to it but being ignored by her victim was so unbearable she had to kill her for it. That's odd. The girl she kills is rarely shown outside the hourglass she’s trapped in. In fact, the closest the victim ever gets to Mu's bullying is when she just so happens to be leaving the bathroom the same time Mu is being bullied in it.

Which is suspect because the lines that transition us into that scene are, “But I see it in my dreams even though I erased it maybe I’m done. Just one more time before saying goodbye. I’m just kidding, please forget I said that.” So, she very well may be flashing back to the crime in this moment not committing it after.

I wrote this in that first post, “Conveniently overlooking that the hourglass Mu is stuck in is revealed to be filling with the victim’s blood at the end. Showing even more that Mu may not give a fuck about her actions effect on this person but how the mere thought of them continues to inconvenience her.”

As though despite them being dead and gone the mere concept of them lingers haunting her like those ghosts she dislikes so much. Her classmates seemingly carrying on her will by holding her accountable bringing her behavior back around to her. She erased it but she still sees it. It’s gone but things aren’t the same cause sorry won’t reach anyone because the people who used to listen won’t.

I wrote something going in depth about Otome Dissection and how it ties into this but then tumblr glitched and deleted it. Though overall it was a happy accident because I found a better way to articulate my point through rewriting this. However, I still want to try to touch on what I had before briefly.

Otome Dissection and MKDR both allude to a relationship growing sour while someone tries to hold on to it despite that. Otome Dissection looks at the toxic ways a person tries to get attention from the one they want affection from. For example, as we reach the hook of the song for the second time in Otome Dissection the lyric leading into it is, “You know you’ve been so cold lately.” Before going into playing a game of girl dissection highlighting that need to get affection but focusing in on the manipulative or detrimental way the seeker goes about getting said affection.

After this even stating, “How stupid. Your unwillingness is irresistible to me. I wonder if our misunderstanding will be resolved.” People tend to be very gracious when interpreting the lyrics of Otome Dissection. However, when taken from the most unflattering angle it can come off as someone threatening self-harm to keep a lover around. Even having the lyrics, “You know I had a dream where you fell in love with someone else. I hope you deny it. Love me, please?”

While MKDR can be considered a healthier progression. Since it at least recognizes the love had problems.

It’s just funny and cruel that Mu gets praised, showered with never ending excuses, and dotted on for being the way people suspected and vilified Mahiru for possibly being. This woman almost dies because people created a story in their heads about her being so clingy, she drove her lover to suicide or that she never had a lover at all and was a yandere. When really the chances are she poisoned her cheating fucking boyfriend.

Especially given the two people that feel bad for her the most are implied to be notorious fucking homewreckers. Kazui who we all know cheated and Yuno who was probably fucking people’s husbands given her stance on how the public views adultery. Kind of weird that they both feel really bad around the one person who abhors cheating and may have had it done to them. Like I feel sorry for her and you’re too nice to be here. The two gold medalists in the Cheating Olympics specializing in stealing your man and breaking your vows feel bad for her.

If that’s not a sign her murder was a crime of passion due to a relationship failing, I don’t know what is. Yet, for Mu this is used as an excuse for her actions, a means to validate them. So, yeah during trial one I was pretty much confused to hear that this was being pushed forward as a defense. Not only because it was hypocritical but because it makes her look worse.

I was actively hoping that this wouldn't be the reason because to me that would make this an incredibly open and shut case. Like a person would just have to love Mu to vote this act forgivable or innocent at this point in my opinion. Because regardless of whether a person is in a same sex relationship, or a heteronormative one this sort of treatment isn’t okay.

Of course, Mu’s first cover was actively ignored and now people want to say the covers don’t really mean much when they very much do. Mahiru didn’t get that treatment though she got dragged through the mud for Psychogram she wasn’t given any benefit of the doubt. People even speculated that Mahiru would be getting MKDR before Mu got it. Now Mu wants to be like don’t look too hard cause the entire story is coming together, and some people will certainly go I do not see it.

[rvllybllply2014]

I think viserys was a bad father 😭 while he clearly loved rhanyra he let her and his toe he kids down a lot. Part of that was due to the unfortunate illness he had but another part was the refusal to acknowledge the trouble what was brewing in front of him for years between all the parties involved …

Same anon same. I’m going to try to make this coherent but it might get rambling and go in a circle.

Viserys was a terrible father, he was also a weak man. Just look at how he always let Daemon come back to court and how he let Otto manipulate him.

Honestly I don’t think he loved Rhaenyra as much as people claim he did. Don’t get mad hear me out please.

As we saw with Aegon and Jaehaerys, Aegon wanted his son (heir) in the council meetings. He was grooming his chosen/named heir for ruling. Rhaenyra also has Jace as her hand and in meetings as her heir. Compare that with Viserys and Rhaenyra we don’t ever see him bring her to the meetings. Also if truly wanted Rhaenyra to be his heir without conflict he only needed to point to Aegon I and his sister wives, especially Visenya, they/she ruled from the iron throne. Visenya especially after Rhaenys death. So that would be the precedent of why he’d choose a female heir.

He pretends to be a good father because of the guilt he has, he killed his wife for an heir and it was all for nothing. His male heir by Aemma still died. Ask yourself would a good loving father allow his child to do what Rhaenyra was allowed to do? He’s only seen disciplining her when she’s an embarrassment to the throne.

He’s also seen to ignore all of his children so there’s that. I believe for the most part the green children didn’t know how much Viserys didn’t care for them until the driftmark incident. He had the opportunity to stop the feud right then, he didn’t need to get in Aemonds face after he lost an eye questioning him. After Rhaenyra wanted to torture her own brother, his son, he should’ve shut it down. He could’ve told her that he’s heard the rumors too, but he believes that her sons are true born (or something like that). Viserys also defended Aemond by reminding Rhaenyra that he’s just a child, he doesn’t truly know what the words he said mean. (I.E. treason by passing off her bastards as true born children). As for Alicent he should’ve understood that she’s acting like a mother would, she risked her life to bring Aemond into the world and he very easily could’ve died from infections.

But instead of validating feelings on both sides he once again chose Rhaenyra and her family over his children. He also could’ve called Rhaenyra or her children back to the red keep, maybe force his grandsons and sons and daughter to have lessons together and meals together. Of they’d have to practice fighting together but without Harwin or Criston, too much bitterness between them. The dragon riders would also be told to practice flying with each other, maybe even have the more mature dragons fly with more than one person.

But going back to Otto manipulating him for a second. If he’d been smarter he would’ve put Alicent there for Viserys to marry but then he should’ve maneuvered Harwin into a position to marry Rhaenyra, thus making Jace,Luke and Joffery true born heirs. Then Viserys could’ve married Hel off to Jace, Baela and Rhaena could’ve married Aegon and Aemond. Joffery could be sent to be a maester or septon.

But yeah Viserys was a shit father to everyone involved and a shit grandfather to everyone involved. At the end of the day he knew the realm would fall into chaos with his death, he wouldn’t have made houses swear to up hold her claim. He just chose to ignore it, I truly think he checked out with Aemmas death.

[nsfwhiphop]

Incoming Text for Louis Garrel: Title: "Protecting the Royal Family: A Warning About Marion Cotillard and Her Cruel Intentions"

This title emphasizes both the threat and the malicious intentions behind Marion Cotillard's actions.

Dear Louis,

I need to warn you about Marion Cotillard and her involvement in our family discussions. Marion is a French woman, yes, but she serves the interests of the British and Americans—two powers that have oppressed both the EU and Somalia for decades. Now, as we approach our freedom from their imperialism, they’re using spies like Marion to infiltrate us and gather valuable information.

From now on, you must never talk about family business or any secrets with her. Keep your mouth shut because what you share with Marion ends up in the hands of the British and the Americans. Marion is no longer welcome in our Royal Family conversations, and it's time you warn your friends and family about her close ties to Britain and America. She’s surrounded by snakes in both countries, and we can’t afford to let her continue with her treacherous behavior.

Understand that Marion made a conscious choice to side with the British-American alliance. She sided with our oppressors, and now she has to live with the consequences of that choice. You must inform the Casta family that Marion is not our ally. She’s with them, and we have to protect our family from her intrusion.

Marion Cotillard had cruel intentions, but she never succeeded in sabotaging our plans because we exposed her two-faced nature. From now on, you must block her entire crew too:

Jean DuJardin – two-faced criminal. Can’t sit with us.

Gilles Lellouche – two-faced criminal. Can’t sit with us.

Guillaume Canet – two-faced criminal. Can’t sit with us.

Nicolas Bedos – two-faced criminal. Can’t sit with us.

Vincent Cassel – two-faced criminal. Can’t sit with us.

These five worship Britain and America. They crave validation from them, and they’ll do anything for it. Always remember you’re dealing with grown men who act like groupies, selling out their integrity for a chance to profit by spying on us. They pretend to be friends, but all they want is to either make money off you or serve their British-American masters. You’re better off without them.

They’re irrelevant to our journey—they’re entertainers and should stay in their lane. The best move is to keep it cordial, shake hands if necessary, but don’t spend too much time with them. You’re moving to the upper echelons, and it’s best to leave them behind.

You have to do what’s necessary to protect your home from intruders. Yes, it gets lonely at the top, but it’s for the best.

I also recommend watching the movie Carbone (here’s the link: Carbone (film))—Benoît Magimel’s character deals with corrupt people in his circle and a crazy ex-wife trying to ruin his life. Marion Cotillard is the real-life equivalent of that crazy ex-wife, and it’s your duty to block her and her corrupt entourage.

Don’t open the door to their corruption. If they threaten you, tell them we’re not afraid, and we have means to defend ourselves. Marion and her weak crew are not as powerful as they think. They have no idea who they’re dealing with, and if they dare to try anything, you just let me know—I’ll handle it within an hour. I’ve got a very angry army ready to knock them out if necessary.

If they try to bully you, Angelo will be like: "The f*ck did you just say to me? You ask me to submit to you? Says who? Who the f*ck do you think you are, coming here to my house asking me to submit? Did you think you’d get away with your disrespect? Did you think there would be no bloodshed?'"

I’m giving you this warning: Marion and her team of French actors are irrelevant to us from now on. Close your doors, lock your windows—they are not your friends, they’re spies collecting information to make us lose the war.

We find ourselves in a state of conflict, and it’s crucial to understand that those who present themselves as friends within the French film industry may not have our best interests at heart. In fact, they are often the very individuals who would revel in our downfall. It’s imperative to recognize that not everyone who approaches you with a friendly demeanor is genuine; many harbor jealousy and ill intentions, seeking to undermine your success. This reality necessitates a cautious approach to relationships. I have chosen to limit my interactions to a select few—essentially, I do not engage with anyone outside my inner circle. This decision stems from the understanding that the cost of associating with those who are insincere or opportunistic is far too high. Therefore, it is vital to prioritize your family and to be selective about whom you allow into your life. This means closing the door to those who do not truly belong in your circle, as they may serve only to distract or derail you from your goals.

The initial phase of establishing a monarchy is arguably the most challenging period in our history. It is during these formative years that we will cultivate our ability to govern effectively as a Royal Family. This stage will be rife with hostility, envy, and betrayal, particularly from those who would delight in witnessing our failure. As we navigate this complex landscape, it is essential to remain vigilant. The experiences we endure now will lay the groundwork for our future leadership and influence. The first few years are critical; they will test our resilience and commitment to our principles. Therefore, Louis, I urge you to remain alert and discerning as we embark on this journey. Our ability to withstand the trials ahead will determine the success of our reign and the legacy we leave behind.

I hope you take my warning seriously and close the door on Marion Cotillard and her team of French actors. That’s the end of this long explanation.

Sincerely, Angelo (Crown Prince)

P.S.:

Synopsis of the Letter:

The letter is a warning from Angelo, Crown Prince, to Louis Garrel, advising him to distance himself from Marion Cotillard and her group of French actors. Angelo accuses Marion of working as a spy for Britain and America, nations that have long oppressed the EU and Somalia. He warns Louis to avoid discussing family business or secrets with Marion, as she is aligned with their enemies.

Angelo also names five other French actors—Jean DuJardin, Gilles Lellouche, Guillaume Canet, Nicolas Bedos, and Vincent Cassel—who are part of Marion’s entourage. He characterizes them as "two-faced criminals" who seek validation from Britain and America and may betray Louis for personal gain.

The letter emphasizes the importance of protecting the Royal Family from these individuals and advises Louis to remain cordial but avoid deep connections with them. Angelo encourages vigilance, noting that the early years of establishing a monarchy are the hardest, filled with external threats and internal jealousy. He concludes by urging Louis to take these warnings seriously to safeguard their future.

Watch this video:

Cruel Intentions iconic ending scene - Kathryn gets exposed

[incognito-diary]

I stopped talking as much with him during the surgery recovery (a natural result of sleeping a lot and spending time with the person helping me recover) and let me say-

The time apart did not help my feelings at all.

Sure, I thought about it less. You know what? My world was also less vibrant without his presence in it. Now that we’re getting back into the swing of sharing every thought of the day with each other, of getting together to watch movies or play games, the feelings have surged back and are worse than before.

I’ve caught myself thinking about him in a romantic way more and more frequently, and my coping mechanism of trying to make myself numb to these thoughts or to excuse them by thinking of their frequency as a lack of control on my part is falling away. I’ve come out too many times, and my closeting strategy is weak.

I think we’ve officially crossed the threshold from “please tell me you don’t think the same so that I can move on” to “I will be heartbroken if this isn’t reciprocated”. It’s not to say I wouldn’t find a way to deal with it if my feelings are unrequited. Our friendship is still my number one priority and I do believe that having confirmation that it’s not returned would help me properly grieve and move on. I just deeply, deeply desire them to be returned.

I am so in love with the way he thinks, and the way he puts his creative thoughts together to create things unlike anything I’ve seen before and yet are perfectly appealing to my specific tastes. He is always opening my eyes to new things, and to the beauty of things that I have long disregarded or distanced myself from.

I am so in love with how he knows exactly what words to say, to the letter, to make me feel better when I’m down. The balance of validating feelings to practical help even when that help is hard to hear honestly feels like a magic trick.

He’s honestly the most amazing person I know. No one else comes even close. It is an honor in and of itself to have captured the attention and affection of such a person.

I have definitely been driven to madness, for sure.

I love you. I want to say it all the time, explicitly. I adore you. I want to know what it’s like to kiss you. I want to have those little intimate moments. I want to be able to be physical with someone I already know I feel no shame with.

If you’re so observant and emotionally intelligent why haven’t you figured it out yet??? I am not a subtle person.

Do you feel the same way and you just can’t share it because you’re in a position to lose both a best friend and a long term project and a fiancé if you’re wrong? Have you pretended not to notice for that reason? Are you actually truly unaware?

[highly-misfortunate-softie]

Feelings of today

I woke up depressed and hazy today, and that just devolved into major depression.

My dreams last night began with my abusive ex boyfriend from 9 years ago breaking into my house at night, not doing anything, really, but I suppose he was just showing me that he still could and would.

The other dream I sort of remember was being in my parents house with my most recent ex, and having a much healthier conversation with him about the breakup than I did in actuality. I was with him, but I scratched the message into a boat of some sort (that resembled one we rode in Las Vegas) and the message was essentially that I didn’t really feel a spark with him, either, and so that isn’t what hurt me, but rather that I think a relationship is a heavy commitment where you really take someone’s safety and well-being into your hands, and you accept the obligation to really try hard and long to make it work, which is why I stayed with him, and that I think he at least could have been honest with me about having made the mistake of asking me to be his girlfriend instead of blindsiding me after making me feel safe when I wasn’t.

I wish I could have this conversation with him. But I really think he would still just sit there and try to placate me anyway, which would only hurt me more. Truth is all I want.

I wrote an apology text to him from saying cruel things to him (though I don’t even think they were cruel, they were my real feelings… and here is where I wonder whether I am autistic or something: I understand what kinds of things offend people, but I don’t actually understand why or agree that it’s valid if it’s the real truth. What could be more important than that? But I wonder if I can actually handle the truth. I think I can.)

I hated sending the apology because I’m not sorry and I meant everything I said. I was just trying to force myself to act like an atypical person, even though I really believe I don’t need to apologize for him being too weak to listen to the thoughts of someone criticizing him, who isn’t saying things just to upset him, but rather to have a real conversation now that he, himself, showed me that respect and the game of pretending to protect the other’s feelings is no longer a factor between us. It makes me want to throw up even thinking about apologizing for such a thing, but whatever, maybe another time I will have more answers about why that might have been a good idea. He didn’t answer anyway. I wish he would come over so I could cry and tell him how I feel and he could see that he genuinely hurt me.. and I could receive comfort from him. I think that would provide some closure for me. I don’t really know how to show people my emotions, especially sadness or anger, but I definitely long to.

Then, because I was desiring comfort, I started thinking about how I have nobody to provide that for me. And I thought about Carl, and how I feel like he isn’t a real friend and never really has been. He doesn’t treat me like his other friends, and he refuses to go out of his house with me even though he does with other people. And.. when I go over, it feels like he only hangs out with me out of obligation before pressuring me pretty heavily to be sexual with him. A means to an end. I never want to have sex with him, but I have never gone over and not had sex with him, and it is never him trying to please me… it is always just him making me please him. I don’t even like to ride or suck dick but he makes me do it every single time. I just wanted somewhere safe and mellow to go and that’s what I was paying to delude myself that that was the place I could find it. Plus last time I was there, and he was drunk, he kept saying kind of aggressively that I should just tell him we are going to have sex and how long I will be there for, and get right to it. I didn’t even really understand it because he is usually polite, but it hurt my feelings. I decided I probably shouldn’t ever see Carl again.

I texted him about my feelings about it in a pretty nice way, but his response seemed like he put basically no effort into it… It was the kind of response I give if I can’t muster up any genuine care and just want to appease the situation quickly, and end the conversation.

When I got it, I just cried, and wished so badly that people would just be honest with me because it’s so cruel to keep me stuck caring about someone with the string of hope they might care, too, and being hurt constantly because they show me the opposite. I always want to work toward a better relationship with those people, and it pains me to have all of these conflicting feelings about it. If he just wanted me for sex, he should just tell me so I could show up if I felt like it, and just leave, without getting more invested or introducing those very dangerous feelings of care and attachment. Same with my most recent ex. If he had just told me his doubts along, I could have protected myself. These people think they’re being nice, but they’re putting my life at risk just to protect themselves from believing they did anything wrong under the guise of having “only been nice.”

It’s fucking cruel. Don’t enter my life in the first place. You’re dangerous and I don’t deserve to die.

[angeldcgs]

in time, arlo would come to see himself more accurately, able to appreciate his unique mix of weaknesses and strengths, but for now his vision remained clouded. fern’s job was to keep up the frequent encouragement and make sure to go out of her way to point out the positive traits he may not have been aware of, because it would be impossible for him to receive constant compliments and not at least somewhat internalize those. in their first session, she’d promised she could help get him to a more confident, relaxed, happier mental state, which was a promise she fully intended on keeping, no matter what it took. all in all, they still had a lot of options to explore; surely one would have some degree of success. hypnotherapy was just the easiest to start with, having everything she needed right there in her office, and knowing that there was very little that could go wrong. “no, no, of course not!” her laughter was genuine, though his question was valid. movies and television certainly made hypnotism look like some form of mind control, but that’s not what fern was after. “i’m not gonna train you to bark like a dog whenever i tap my foot, nothing like that. i can’t force you to do anything, even while you’re under. it’s more that i’ll make suggestions, and in your state of semi-consciousness, your mind will be more open to accepting them, but you’ll still have complete free will both while you’re out, and once i bring you back.” hopefully arlo wasn’t expecting hypnotism to be some magic cure, because it didn’t work like that, either. it could definitely help ease him along his self-improvement journey, but it would still be up to him to actually go out and put her suggestions to use and enact the change she was trying to kickstart. despite having just learned of it as a possibility a matter of minutes ago, arlo still seemed so trusting, probably willing to walk right off the edge of a cliff if she asked him to, and that was both a good and bad thing in a client. she did have his best interests at heart, so it made perfect sense to trust her fully, but she didn’t want him to go around offering that same level of trust to just anyone. he was a brilliant boy, but still so naive when it came to the way the world truly operated, and fern found herself longing to protect him from the uglier side of it. not that he hadn’t already experienced his fair share of ugliness, there were just some things she didn’t think he needed to learn from experience. her expression brightened further, if that was even possible, when he agreed to give it a go, only a little nervous since it’d been several months since she’d flexed her hypnosis skills. “yeah? should we try it?” there was an unmistakable sparkle in her eyes, genuinely excited to be embarking on a new phase in his journey as she got up to go rifle through her desk drawers. “if you’d like to. just pretend you’re going to sleep, do whatever feels most comfortable to you.” having retrieved a metronome, fern returned to her seat and placed it on the coffee table between them, waiting for him to get comfortable before she turned it on. “alright… hear that ticking? i want you to count the ticks in your head, and time your breathing to it. in for four, hold for four, out for four." level gaze remained trained on him, watching his chest steadily rise and fall. "in, two, three, four... hold, two, three, four... and out, two, three, four. very good, just like that. focus on your breathing... feel it deepen... clear your head... there is nothing but the tick, your breath, and my voice. if any other thoughts pop up, don't give them any attention."

it was hard to be kind to yourself when there was little empathy to be held for your countless flaws. in arlo's eyes it felt like a lot more work to try and trick himself into believing something untrue about himself than to accept the facts, but was that not the reason he was in therapy in the first place? he needed someone to convince him that he was, in fact, good, and to help him make it as much of a fact as everything else he believed about himself. there was a seductive element to the concept of not having to actively put in work to get better. he wasn't lazy, but it wasn't the most enticing of tasks, it was scary to be focused on self-reflection, even if the person forcing him was himself. the more fern explained the concept of hypnotherapy, the more it sounded like the perfect way to skip past his inability to truly let her words penetrate him. he always listened to what she was saying, of course, but to actually accept any of it was a lot harder. this way, maybe he wouldn't be able to dismiss anything like it had come second nature to do. he returned a fond smile at the mention of her childhood, picturing the woman small and hopeful, excited for the future, with the wisdom she possessed now it was strange to imagine her at one being like him, young and unsure of what the future held. they were different in that way, at least she had an idea of something she wanted to do, even if it was something deemed as silly by other's perspectives, arlo had never been able to put his foot down and decide a single thing. the only reason he found himself studying once again was because the thought of being out of academia was terrifying, at least he could be told what to do for a little longer. "i... i don't know, it's not like you're going to brainwash me or anything? i can't see what could go wrong." another shy, boyish smile spread across his face. in his eyes, fern wouldn't have suggested the concept if she didn't think it would help, so what was there to be worried about? he had already told her so much about him, if something was lurking deep below the surface then she was the right person to help lure it out. the only thing he found himself being slightly apprehensive about was the notion of his little crush on her coming to light, but he was convinced that even in whatever state he ended up, that was a secret he always knew better than to bring up. "i... yeah, yeah i mean- i'd like to give it a go." he hunched a little further down in his seat, one of his hands coming down to rub a couple of comforting strokes up and down the length of his thigh. "do i just... lay down?"

[bellatrixscurls]

boyfriend!billy hargrove; thoughts.

warning : bipolar disorder, crybaby!reader, mean!billy at some point and then just fluff.

he is just so awkward and mean at first and i imagine you being a crybaby, so its very often that he makes you cry or even throw a tantrum while sobbing violently because of him.

“oh, yeah! now go ahead and fucking cry. god you’re such a baby” he spat, rolling his eyes as you sat in your corner, choking on sobs.

you looked up at him with puffy eyes. “hate y-you” your heart broke as you said it, but it was the truth, you hated billy right in that moment.

he turned to you, his jaw clenched and he felt his chest tighten, but he managed to pretend further. “like i give a shit.”

but every single time he makes you cry, he brings you flowers and cuddles you the next day, saying how sorry he is and how much of an idiot he’s been for hurting his baby. and you always fall for it.

“p-promise?” you sniffled, bottom lip wobbling as his forehead pressed against yours, his eyes staring right into your own, arms holding you tightly against him.

“pinky promise, sweetheart” he kissed your forehead, his lips lingering for a bit before he moved in his previous position, “m never doing that again to you, never.”

but lord knows he does it again, and again. and it hurts him everytime too.

“you promised me!” you shouted, hitting him on the chest, your hands much too weak to hurt him, though.

and billy couldn’t say anything, not even protest like he usually did.

and after having calmed down, you only let out quiet sobs, your head heavy and nailprints in your palms, “get out” you muttered calmly, and he gave you a weird look, “get the fuck out!”

and obviously, he keeps ‘making it up to you’. until you do not fall for it anymore.

“you’re gonna have to do more than that this time, billy” you sighed, it hurt you to say that.

and he looked at you, clearly defeated, leaving the flowers on the table. “anything, i’ll do anything, sweetheart. just tell me and i’ll do it.”

so you tell him. you set a couple of rules, mostly trying to let him know that he has to change something this time. he has to let you in, and not push you away.

first, he starts picking out the flowers and not bring you the first one he sees at the shop.

“i brought you lilies!” he exclaimed happily, wide eyes looking up at you for validation. “i just thought you’d like them. they’re pretty. they, uh, r-remind me of you” he smiled to himself, looking down at the pretty flowers.

“they are, indeed, pretty” you leaned down to take a sniff, humming to yourself as you gave him a small smile, “do you think i’m pretty?”

billy blushed for a second, silently cursing himself for saying that out loud, but you found it entirely too cute. “so pretty.”

and then he opens up to you, and actually talks to you instead of yelling everytime he doesn’t like something. still, he keeps whining and acting like a baby the whole time, but you understand him. after all, he is doing his best.

“he was touching you!” he whined, pouting up at you.

“billy, he is my cousin” you tried to reason with him, but it was no use. billy was a jealous one.

“well he obviously likes you anyway, the freak” he muttered grumpily, pulling you into his lap, and holding your waist between his big hands.

you giggled at his furrowed brows, and his annoyed expression, your hands coming up to card through his locks. “but i don’t like him, hm? i don’t. can you trust me?”

and he nodded pathetically, of course he trusted you.

“love you, honey.”

and so of course he still has his moments where he just wants to scream and shout and old billy comes back. but his ego isn’t as big now. he hates seeing you hurt by bad old billy. so he comforts you everytime, apologising profusely and actually making it up to you.

frustrated, with his hands tugging at his locks, billy heard a quiet sniffle and his eyes fell on you; you were curled up in your bed. scared, after billy had yelled at you for something stupid.

billy’s eyes softened and his arms immediately engulfed you into a hug, pulling you flush against his chest. “no no no. no tears, angel” he shushed you, pressing hard kisses on your forehead, his eyes closing as tears start running down his cheeks. “he went away, my love. it’s alright, he’s gone now.”

and you just kept whimpering, “y-yeah?” you asked, eyes hopeful as you moved your neck so you could look into his eyes, billy’s heart breaking at the mess he’d made of you. “don’t like him, like you. love you, billy.”

“i love you, sweetheart. love you til the end of time” he reassured, kissing your head countless times trying to soothe you, “i’ll do better, i swear. will be better for you, my angel.”

and then he spends the rest of the day spoiling you, trying not to push you too much as your mind had turned foggy, and you were even more sensitive than usual.

he watched two movies with you, cuddled and made dinner for the two of you while you were taking a nap.

then, you buy him a little teddy bear, but not a normal one. this one is a teddy bear for people with a bipolar disorder, and it changes moods whenever billy’s does — because, obviously, he still has some moments when he is quiet and not verbal for him to tell you what is wrong.

“so you can let me know how you are even when you don’t feel like speaking about it” you said sweetly, handing him the bear.

billy took it and looked at it, perplexed, for a few seconds. he flipped it over a few times and you saw his eyes light up; he had found the buttons. as a matter of fact, at the bottom of the bear were some buttons, every mood written down next to its own button.

he flicked one of them and the teddy bear’s angry face turned into a smile and happy eyes. you felt like crying in that moment, and so you did.

you sobbed against his chest as billy sobbed into your hair. it was just such an emotional moment, and you were sure that if anyone were to watch you, they would think you were complete freaks. but it all made sense to you, both of you.

[sepublic]

Willow’s Arc

I love you Amity, but did anyone else lowkey get micro aggression vibes from this? Amity unintentionally yet condescendingly downplaying Willow’s feat as just luck?

And I think that makes sense, and shows how Willow contrasts with Amity in terms of goals and how they were framed by others... Like Luz and Lilith, Amity was someone who was worried about her magic never being good enough, particularly in living up to Odalia’s standards. And like those aforementioned two, Amity accepts that her magic doesn’t need to be strong as a reflection of her self-worth, Amity doesn’t need to be useful, and fittingly she’s the weakest of Luz’s friends, relatively speaking. Amity is content with any power level, and likewise so are Luz and Lilith, who are also among the weaker scale of our protagonists; Again, comparatively speaking.

Willow, on the other hand... As alluded to by Gus saying Willow wants others to see the REAL her, I think Willow is someone who always wanted that skill and power of hers recognized. It’s not that Willow thinks her self-worth is tied to being strong; But at the same time, honing that magic of hers and being recognized for it also means a lot to her as well! For years, Willow was essentially gaslit into thinking her abilities were lesser than they actually were, and her arc comes in reiterating that no; People are wrong. Willow’s assessment of her strength IS real and valid, as is her self-efficacy!

Because I’m sure if someone (say Amity) were to reassure that Willow doesn’t NEED to be strong to be treated as a person... Again, Willow recognizes the kind and unconditional sentiment. But at the same time, it still stems from that misconception that Willow IS weak, and she’s tired of people constantly downplaying and dismissing her accomplishments. Like yes she’s more than that, but it also means a lot to her too, as Willow herself has decided and chosen for herself? At best this evaluation of Willow is unskilled leads to that type of well-meaning yet condescending reassurance, the implicit acceptance that Willow actually isn’t strong.

And that’s a big part of Willow’s motives; Not wanting to be misjudged, as Any Sport in a Storm established! She likes being treated with kindness and dignity but she also doesn’t want to be misunderstood as someone she’s not, either; Gus beats himself up for accepting a portrayal of Willow that’s meek and scared, which obviously there’s a lot of meta about how he knew Willow as that for most of their friendship, and is a naturally trusting person who would believe that type of relapse and not judge.

But as Gus himself reiterated, Willow’s arc is about showing her real self, the self that was always there and people pretended it wasn’t. Hence Inner Willow lamenting that she once WAS Willow, until Amity’s torment skewed with Willow’s perception of herself as a capable individual who just needs to be given the chance to flourish, where she actually would. Willow is chosen by Clover when she states that she wants to be strong and supportive of her friends; It’s very much her chosen goal and not just to prove others wrong.

Again, to bring back that micro aggression comparison. It’s like how people of color and/or women want to be treated with respect and dignity; Speaking personally, it’s not enough for white people to be nice and patient with us, if they still kinda see us as lesser. There’s a reason why the white man’s burden is criticized, why we despise stereotypes. Yeah one might say “It’s okay if you’re not skilled”, but if it’s a white person saying that to a peer of color who very much IS skilled and is only unrecognized due to implicit racial biases... Yeah, that’s not gonna feel great, it’s kinda missing the obvious point.

(And for the love of god I’m not saying Amity is racist because she technically can’t be. Racism doesn’t exist in the isles, so at most this could be meant to invoke similarities as a metaphor, but that’s it. Like how Odalia canonically isn’t homophobic -that also doesn’t exist in the isles- but her disapproval of Luz, in contrast to Alador saying she’s always welcome, is very much meant to parallel coming out stories and the backlash of literal homophobia VS acceptance. And even if Amity was being racist, it’s ultimately fine because she’s called out over this and learning to be better.)

Any kindness will be undermined if there’s still that core underestimation going on, which can also tie into ableism as well! We appreciate the support and patience but at some point, we really need you to believe in us, instead of always seeing us as that weak person who needs help! I don’t care if you don’t judge us for needing help, there’s still an issue in how you see us. This can very much be compared to Luz’s conflict with Eda the very next episode, too;

Luz knows full and well that Eda loves and respects her regardless of talent or skill, she’s made that incredibly clear since the start. But it still hurts to be seen as weak and unable to take care of yourself nor contribute, regardless. There’s that lack of trust and belief in a loved one to take care of themselves, and that in itself is a lack of support; Like yes, Eda is valid in that she’s not doing this to belittle Luz, but because not even the greatest child should handle this. But Luz’s feelings are also valid as well.

She wants to be seen as dependable, and make up for her ‘weakness’ in Grom. She wants support not just in care but in belief that she can do it. And I know I said earlier that Luz is someone who accepts that her magic doesn’t have to be strong, but to reiterate; Luz accepts that she doesn’t have to be the best. But she still wants to be seen as good enough to help, too. And Luz accepted her relative weakness at the start of her journey, because she didn’t need to place pressure on herself when she’s still starting, even if behind others.

But circumstances have changed with Luz managing to grow and become strong as she wanted to, which is why her reaction shifts to seeing Eda as dismissing Luz as still that same old weak kid she once was, and not acknowledging that she HAS grown; Which hurts, because learning magic still means a lot to Luz, and like Lilith excelling in glyphs... Yes you don’t have to be the best but everyone needs a win at some point, too. Your self worth isn’t attached to that but is it also too much to ask to be really good at something just this once, either?

“After years of thinking I wasn’t good enough, I finally found something I can be good at. Something I want to be good at! Switching to the plant track was just the beginning; I’m on my way to becoming the witch I want to be! I can do this!”

And the same applies for Willow but on a larger scale, to bring things full-circle as Luz had said during her episode as well. I find it fitting that Luz and Willow became immediate friends, as was Gus for both girls as well! And I’ve talked a lot about how Gus has self-image issues regarding his magic and his ability, underestimating himself as dumb when he very much isn’t... Which again you can probably see why telling Gus that it’s okay if he’s dumb is very much NOT the solution to this particular example of self-deprecation. Gus also wants to have his magic recognized and meaningful, he doesn’t HAVE to be in order to be treated with respect, but at the same time he doesn’t appreciate people lowballing illusions either!

So to bring it back, Amity and Willow just have a fascinating duality. Amity is someone set up and expected to be the best and the pressure causes her to crack, hence her breakdown when Willow gets Hermonculus’ top student star over her. But Amity eventually realizes she doesn’t want to be the best and finds relief in the humility of just being good enough for herself.

Conversely, Willow is someone constantly labelled as ineffectual, until she believed it and let that affect her self-image, as well as any attempts to grow if she’s never going to succeed; She became resigned to and content with this, never yearning for more. But Willow is eventually reminded that she IS capable in many ways, that people’s misunderstanding of her doesn’t decide who she is nor erase that; And that emboldens Willow to actually try and reach for that greatness she desires and embrace her actual self, finally succeeding in becoming who she wanted to be.

Hence Willow self-actualizing in what she’s actually good at via Plants, instead of being seen as a weak Abomination witch; Which while true is hardly a representation of Willow as a whole. Just as “Willow doesn’t have to be strong to be treated with respect” is true but doesn’t quite capture her goals and arc, but “No matter how others perceive her, Willow’s abilities are real and she CAN accomplish what she sets out to do” does. Willow had bad luck being placed into an ill-fitting environment for her she couldn’t do well in, and her failure in that context made people assume it applied to Willow as a whole, when it really didn’t.

Willow just wants others to see her for who she actually is, instead of focusing on being nice to a version of her in their heads that doesn’t exist; She once lost sight of herself but regained it, symbolically reflected in Willow’s glasses being given a golden trim. She finally found the thing she was good at, instead of letting past failures define her... Willow and Amity both struggled with being someone others saw/expected them to be that they weren’t, and were finally able to reconcile the discrepancy to reiterate who they really are and want to be.

[phoenixyfriend]

Rey Gives No F*cks About the Grandfather Paradox

Okay so since nobody’s suggested a fic under these terms, I ended up expanding on this post on discord and things snowballed. We kept to the basics of the entire plot revolving around Rey really hating her grandad and leveraging her blood relation to not be unalived about it.

With contributions by @atagotiak​, @dracothulhu​, @thepallaspalace​, and several others. The title comes from @gelpenss​.

The basic thing I absolutely need is this: Rey gets thrown back to the middle of the clone wars, and the subsequent plot leans in really heavily on her being, genetically-via-clone-dad, the daughter of the guy running the entire galaxy.

Nobody knows what to do with her.

The timing is mid-TCW for the past (because I want Ahsoka there) and vaguely between Episodes 8 and 9 because I... never watched E9 and don’t want to worry about the timeline. The only things that matter is that Luke is dead (he can die as he did in canon) and that Rey knows she’s Palp’s granddaughter (not the way she does in canon).

We'll say Luke found out from Anakin's panicked force-ghost and just went "well, fuck, okay, I should tell her this before she ends up in a situation like mine and finds out mid-battle or something."

Luke, prior to time-travel: Okay, so, now that I'm dead I know some things I didn't before. Like who your parents were. In the interest of full disclosure because I was in a very similar situation and I don't want you learning the way I did, I'm just going to come right out and say that your father was a clone was Sheev Palpatine. Rey: ... Luke: Are you okay? Rey: I don't know who that is.

(She grew up on Jakku, the history education was a little subpar.)

Setting The Scene

Imagine Rey showing up during or immediately before the clone wars. There’s this phenomenally powerful feral teenager from a desert backwater who tells you that if you ran a paternity test, it would probably pop up the Chancellor. She may or may not bring up cloning. She accuses said Chancellor of being a Sith Lord.

Your other phenomenally powerful feral teenager from a desert backwater, who may not be a teenager anymore but only barely, is very offended by this because Palpatine’s a Very Nice Old Grandfather Figure, but also he’s a little full of side-eye because if the blood test comes back as proof, then Palpatine had a kid and didn’t even know about them, or lied to Anakin, and that’s! Bad! Family’s important!!!

Palpatine hears about this daughter he apparently? Has? And is very confused because the timing doesn’t match up with ANYTHING he was doing, so the kid isn’t natural, and he says as much. (There is an explanation! It’s not a correct explanation, but he does come up with one.)

Finn and Poe and BB-8 all get dragged along because why not have the gang there? Nobody that’s already born, because [handwave] conservation of souls or something, IDK, point is the only person dragged along that’s even remotely close to already existing is Luke’s Force Ghost, who mostly hangs around begging Rey to be less impulsive. Finn is good because he is a nice polite boy, but for actual useful information they need Poe. The unfortunate situation is that the three do not land together. They land at the same time, in completely different corners of the galaxy. This means that nobody is there to curb Rey being her most impulsive self.

Time travel Rey knows two things. Luke’s dad ends up evil. Palpatine has always been evil.

She can solve one of these problems by killing the other, yes?

Rey: Ready to Rumble

See, the initial idea was this: Rey tried to break into the senate to kill Palpatine, got arrested, and then used the "he's biologically my father" card to get out of jail free. (Force Ghost Luke follows her like “please take five seconds to think this through.”)

But.

But.

It would be very, very, very funny if The Force just dumps her in a flash of light in the senate building and she just attacks Gramps on sight. Just a shouted "YOU!" and no-hesitation attempted murder.

Palpatine has no idea what's going on.

Rey took maybe two seconds to get identity confirmation and then started swinging.

[Image Description: An individual in a green metal helmet with an eye slit, holding a pistol. In the upper left, upper right, and lower middle are the phrases “I do not know who I am...” “I don’t know why I’m here” and “All I know is that I must kill.” End description.]

Of course, she gets arrested. There are Master Jedi in the Senate. There are Clone Troopers. Palpatine isn’t the weak old man he pretends to be. Of course she’s stopped.

But she isn’t executed in time for Palpatine to stop her from ruining his entire reputation.

Immediately after Rey fails to kill her Shitty Granddad, Luke's ghost shows up and begs her to not talk about the Sith thing because it will completely undermine everything she's trying to do. Pass off the attempted murder as something else!

Rey, panicking: "that fucker left me on a desert planet for 10 years!" "You owe me 19 years of child support you son of a Hutt!"

The Jedi have to do the investigation, because the girl showed up with a laser sword, and the conversation is, uh... interesting. (“Where did you get that lightsaber?” “I got it from a mysterious old pirate lady I never met before. I don't know, I was being shown around by a smuggler and a Wookie.”)

Interviewer: Why did you try to assassinate the Chancellor? Luke: Say it wasn't assassination. Rey: It wasn't assassination. Int: You weren't trying to kill him? Luke: Assassination has to be politically motivated. Rey: This was, um... not political. Assassination is political, right? Int: You mean this was personally motivated? Rey: Yes. Int: I see. What personal motivation? Luke: Jakku! Rey: He's my grandfather. Int: ... Rey: Possibly father. Nobody was very clear on that. Int: ... Luke: Tell them to run a paternity test. Rey: Oh hey, a blood test would tell us which, right? Int: ............ Rey: I spent ten years as an orphaned scrapdealer on Jakku. He's my father. I'm kind of a little angry. Int: ........... Luke: Good job, kid. You bought yourself some time. Int: I'm going to get a medic to see about that parternity test.

Obviously, it comes back positive. Congratulations, Sheev, you’re the father.

Rey comes with a ready-made built-in excuse for hating Palpatine that nobody can question or fault her for!

Rey, pouring Truth into the Force: I didn't even know I was related to the Chancellor until a few months ago, but it's his fault I grew up the way I did, and he should take some responsibility!

The entire thing is mostly kept hush hush but someone leaks it to the press and Palpatine's ratings tank.

"Chancellor, I think we'll need to waive family visitation until she wants you a little less dead." "I would like to find out why she wants me dead, and indeed, where she came from." "...sir, for your own safety--"

Who would win? A master plan years in the making spanning decades of manipulating and work? or One (1) paternity test

"Okay, so, Rey Palpat--" "Ew, no, I don't want his name." "You--okay. Sure, we can understand that. Is there a name you would prefer to put on the paperwork?" Rey, who would have gone by Skywalker in honor of Luke but can't do that when Anakin is right there and all: "Can I think about it?"

Rey: I don't know what I want my last name to be but I know I don't want his, and most of the people I’d want a name from have famous families like you... Luke's ghost, pointing out the Literal Nobody that she cares about a lot: How about Solo? Rey: ...Solo, then.

(A few months later she runs into Poe again and he offers for Finn and Rey to both take his name because honestly they need SOMETHING but at that point she’s already decided on Smuggler Dad.)

Backtrack a bit. We’ve got a bigger cast.

They all arrive separately. Poe, for one, does better than Rey, who is aiming for a murder, but not quite as well as Finn, who is currently being adopted and hidden like a secret cat by a bunch of Alpha Clones on Kamino. He vibes with the names-or-numbers thing. He doesn’t necessarily tell them where and when he’s from, but he’s very sweet and a great liar and they adopt him wholesale anyway.

The Finn situation is just... "Buir Ti, we need you to hide this man, we've decided he's our little brother but if Nala Se finds out she'll make him leave."

Of course, this leads into Shaak Ti teaching Finn how to Jedi.

Maybe consider Finn needing to almost be tricked into learning Jedi things because he willfully forgets it could apply to him. Finn does not like to think of himself as special, which is super valid, but frustrating for Shaak Ti when it comes to, you know, getting him to acquire knowledge. Finn's training at some point is "here, levitate objects with the Force to entertain the tubies." It’s a lot easier to convince him to practice when it involves the babies.

(Everyone on Kamino looked at Finn and went “oh I love him I’m keeping him and teaching him things.”)

(He’s just very lovable.)

Poe, meanwhile, buys the trust of Anakin Skywalker via R2D2 declaring BB-8 the absolute most baby of droids. R2D2 met BB-8 three hours ago but.

"Hey Obi-Wan this is Poe I met him like five days ago but R2D2 says he checks out because his droid is a baby." "That's nice, Anakin, did you know the Chancellor has a daughter who tried to assassinate him in broad daylight yesterday? Because guess who had to stop the Chancellor from getting assassinated by his daughter in broad daylight yesterday."

A summary so far:

Finn, on Kamino: Hey, um, I don't know where this is, but it's not where I was a few minutes ago. Do you think you could get me a comm? What's your name? Poe, on [dice roll] Denon: Oh, hey, you're General Skywalker? Nice to meet you, I'm so sorry about my droid, she's a little excitable and thought your R2 unit looked like a friend of hers-- Rey, on Coruscant: DIE, GRANDFATHER

Finn: [Peacefully vibing on Kamino, unaware of the chaos and bonding with the clones] Poe: [Trying to explain how he knows someone who tried to kill the chancellor and defend Rey] Rey: [Arrested for trying to kill the chancellor]

Just... just...

Anakin: Some guy ended up lost on base yesterday with his droid, how’s your day going? Obi-Wan: I had to stop someone who claims to be the chancellors daughter from murdering the chancellor after she seemingly blinked into existence in the Senate building. Poe: 😐

(Poe: Oh, so that's where Chaos^2 went.)

Poe: In her defense, she is his... well we don't know if she's his daughter or granddaughter, but she's definitely related to him, and she definitely grew up in a shitty situation that was his fault, so...

(Poe is trying very hard to explain this and not get arrested on the military base.)

As you’ve probably guessed, what's especially funny about all of this for me is the fact that Palpatine is fully aware that this girl shouldn't exist, but can't find a single piece of evidence about where she came from. He didn't start any experiments that could result in a female child, and he didn't have sex in that period of time, so where the hell--

Rey spends so much time in jail... BUT they do eventually assign her a Jedi Master. Possibly before she actually proves her evil grandfather is in fact evil. Most votes went to either Plo Koon or Obi-Wan. Plo, because he’s dad-shaped, and Obi...

"Obi-Wan, you already raised one feral desert child with implausible amounts of power, you handle this." Rey in return is very "Sweet, you vaguely remind me of Master Luke," and nobody knows who the hell she's talking about. Obi-Wan is NOT on board with this plan, she'd really be better off with Plo or like........ Mace.

Reunion Tour

What I need out of this is the eventual Finn and Rey reunion scene that is just excited screaming while someone in the background explains to Shaak Ti that yes this is apparently Palpatine's terrifyingly force-sensitive daughter who hates him.

(Finn senses Rey’s approach and just. Gathers the everyone to wait. He’s just :D REY MY FRIEND REY GUYS MY FRIEND REY IS COMING.)

Anakin shows up with Poe--just a guy who signed on to the military, no big deal--and then Poe and Rey are EXCITED and everyone's just like "Cool, how do you know this literal terrorist child?" And Poe has to scramble and "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh she saved my droid from a scrapheap once and BB-8 is basically my child so I owe her one."

Rey knows that Anakin ends up evil so she’s maybe not actively hostile but definitely very “I’m watching you.” That said, she vibes with him on a lot of things that he maybe doesn’t actively notice.

Rey picks up a snake, snaps off the head for venom avoidance, and starts biting off chunks. Obi-Wan's reaction: [undisguised horror] Anakin and Ahsoka: Ooh, where'd you find that? (Obi-Wan: And now I’m up to three feral children.)

What Does Palpatine Even Do?

OBVIOUSLY at a certain point, Palpatine is just phoning up every ally he has to figure out who broke protocol to synthesize a daughter for him.

So of course, Palpatine blame Plagueis.

She'd have been born five or so years before Naboo, just a few years younger than Anakin. It's such an EASY theory to build a conspiracy around. It is ENTIRELY WRONG, but it’s plausible! And anyone who might have been involved to say otherwise is probably dead!

A random bio-kid shows up you can’t possibly have contributed genes to? Maybe it’s the evil bio spark that did it.

Palpatine tries to placate her with the ‘my genes were stolen for an experiment and I didn’t know’ thing. It doesn’t work because her actual main complaint is he’s evil in her future but he tries.

It'd be a struggle to even get access to her, because of the aforementioned “maybe don’t try to talk to the daughter(?) that hates you” thing, but you know who Palpatine does have access to? The Chosen One.

Rey kind of decides on her favorites early on (she gravitates to Dad Energy and Sad Old Men so Plo and Obi-Wan are on her list, and that means decent time around Anakin and Ahsoka). It's really easy to talk Anakin into helping to some degree because "he'd like to connect to a daughter he never knew" and "a child of her power on a planet like that, you'd know her struggle, my dear boy" and so on. Anakin tries to connect! He tries to play up Sheev’s kind political work and how it can’t have really been his fault! It doesn’t work. Rey does not believe a word of it. Mostly she doesn’t even seem to hear him.

Rey's just like "...oh right, you're the melted mask that Kylo Ren was always ranting about," which means absolutely NOTHING to Anakin, but he mentions it to Palps, who loses his goddamn mind trying to figure out what she's talking about, because it also means absolutely nothing to him.

Here’s the thing: Rey’s already decided that Obi-Wan is cool, because Luke said so, and Plo Koon is dad-shaped, and she also gravitates towards earnest kindness in general, like she made friends with Finn real quick, so Ahsoka? Already getting along great.

She doesn’t dislike Anakin, really, he isn’t evil yet, he’s just... meh. She’s a little suspicious and she likes him less than the others but... Anakin.

Rey, to Anakin: You are my least favorite. Anakin, to Palpatine: YOUR DAUGHTER HATES ME???

And he goes from “she’s a lil standoffish” to “she doesn’t like me” to “she hates me” as is normal for Anakin.

It’s just an escalation of this one time Palpatine wants Anakin to not have rifts and trust issues with a person, at least not until later, because he needs information.

Meanwhile, that very moment, Rey is just like "huh, nobody here is listening to me about how make a sixth-hand carburetor work, where's Luke's dad?"

Anakin is venting to Palpatine about how hard it is to talk to Rey, and she's over in the Temple just like "Hey, that guy was useful last time, I should ask him," but also she only ever thinks of him as Luke's Dad.

(At one point, Obi-Wan is having a bit of a break down, and then Anakin starts having a breakdown about that, meanwhile the clones are (badly) trying to hide Finn behind their backs, Rey is watching Ahsoka practice and being like "I want two lightsabers," and Poe is trying to keep R2 from stealing BB-8 and Force Ghost Luke is just face palming in the background.)

(Rey deserved a saber staff, maybe one that can detach and turn into a jar’kai set. Possibly a pike. Mostly I just wish she got more chances to whack things with a big stick.)

[mulling-over-milgram]

The way Kotoko acts really does make me think she’s been burned before and doesn’t want to get blindsided again.

She talks about es giving her her next purpose , which could be implying she had a purpose before but doesn’t have it any more. She also seems to have a stop bad things before they happen mentality. she wants to stop the “evils” before they have the chance to hurt more people again she wants to “crush this dirty future” = stop a bad future before it happens. she’s been hurt before and doesn’t want herself or others to get hurt again she can’t allow it it! She wants to stop it before it happens!

So many wolf stories have to do with disguise/appearing to be friendly but are actually dangerous (wolf in sheep’s clothing , little red ridding hood , wear-wolves) I feel like it backs up the idea that Kotoko was betrayed by someone.

-

I honestly love the fact they delved into her insecurities more!!! we already had hints if it in harrow “maybe I can smile and get to like myself” and such but deep cover makes it clear that though I’m sure Kotoko dose care about the weak its become alot more about herself. Lines like “The justice I was searching for” “as your my long awaited hero” “I want you to give me” ect.

As much as I do think that her lines towards the end are to try and seperate herself from the other prisoners. I do also think on some level she is talking about her/projecting herself onto them.

-“worthless” / “parasite” due to her hate of weakness and her reliance on saving the weak.

“You’ll never change” / “fake queen” Kotoko wants change but is also resistant to it / thinking she doesn’t have a reason to give justice would make her fake or her trying to be like a second warden.

“can’t be saved” because of her self hatred and also she says this about herself in harrow “that person that can’t be saved , is now understanding abnormality”

“Wanting to hide” she doesn’t want to get hurt or betrayed again so hides herself aka separates her self from everyone. Her song is called deep cover so being deep uncover aka hiding/hiding in service of a goal

I couldn’t think of how yuno’s one tied in tho. (Apart for maybe the shameful line?)

this could easily just be me reaching for connection that isn’t there but I do think its a very kotoko thing to do to assign/project her weakness to others.

-

I find it really interesting they played into her more unfavourable traits and insecurities since she was already coming into trial 2 generally unlikeable but I’m really glad they did as I honestly love her now! I think she is one of the best written characters.

I’m really curious to see how she’ll react to her almost certain guilty verdict. She clearly relies on others for validation so hearing so many people condemn her is definitely going to terrible for her…

-

Kotoko hugging/hitting Es is just the perfect encapsulation of how Kotoko feels about her past-self. She wanted comfort but also hated her past-self for being weak and probably for being sympathetic since she see’s that as what got her get hurt. She felt like the situation could have been avoided if she had been less weak but also that she wished someone would comfort her.

-

Kotoko and Mahiru both fully commit themselves to a role. Kotoko to the hero and Mahiru to the wife. Kotoko talks about being newly born and Mahiru talks about taking up her boyfriend’s hobbies they both took on traits to better fulfil a role.

-

Mahiru talks about not wanting to say “I’m okay” that she pretends to be the good girl (good wife? Good daughter?) but really she’s not feeling okay and she wants to admit that but can’t/doesn’t much like how Kotoko feels like she is breaking/is feeling crushed under the weight of justice but feels she can’t show weakness. They both want love (not necessarily romantic) and to admit they aren’t okay but don’t and feel they can’t.

im tihtbilwy mahiru asks for forgiveness for herself were as kotoko talks about others being unforgivable. Mahiru asks for forgiveness for being selfish “giving you love to the point of pulling you down , it’s just because I still get worried, please forgive me.” “So please forgive me thanks bye!” And kotoko asks for selfishness people not to be forgiven.

-

Thank you I love your analysis of them too ^^

(and just in general your milgram posts they are all so interesting)

Kotoko lives to protect the weak. In her mind she serves the weak but the weak also serve her. They are her reason to live. Saving them makes her feel good about herself. She exists to save the weak and the weak exist to giving her a propose.

mahiru lives to love her boyfriend/be a good wife. She exists for him and their relationship by extension him exists to give her a reason to exist.

idk if this makes sense

but its like the idea of how they have formed their identities off of loving/saving other people but end up hurting those people because What they wanted was a propose and to fulfil their desire to the point they hurt and disregarded the party they were trying to protect/love. Kotoko wanted to punish the “evil” and mahiru wanted to be this ideal wife

Its not about what the boy friend needs in the relationship (not cake) it’s about mahiru loving him.

its not about what the weaklings want its about kotoko protecting them.

[babyboibucky]

The Match

Pairing: CEO!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You come across your boss’ Tinder profile.

Word Count: 1,446

Warnings: HMMMM sexual tension 😏

A/N: I wrote this in a whirl and tried to format it through the app last night and it SUCKS so I’m posting this just now. Anyway, there will definitely be a smutty part two to this lmfao ya know it

Edit: PART 2 IS UP!!!

The Match Masterlist || MAIN MASTERLIST

Saturday night and you’re on your bed, wine-drunk and all as you mindlessly swiped through Tinder. You start to frown when none of the guys impressed you enough to swipe right. Their bios were all the same, revolving around their egos only to end up with the good ol’ “DTF” line.

Bored and disappointed, you almost exited the app until a very, very familiar face appeared on your screen.

“Holy shitballs, it’s our boss.” You sat up immediately, bringing your phone to your face for a close inspection.

Indeed, it was your boss James Barnes but he was using “Bucky” as his profile name. You wondered whether it was his real account or a poser one. But then you remembered his closest colleagues calling him that.

You snorted as you checked out his profile. He didn’t have a bio but had a couple of photos uploaded. And oh wow, is that a shirtless mirror photo?

You rarely worked closely with your boss but goddamn, sometimes you wished you did because he was a hot piece of ass.

“Should I swipe right...” you mumbled to yourself.

Would it be unprofessional to do so? But then again, you never really interacted with him that much. Just a couple of polite nods and greetings whenever you passed by him at the office. You weren’t even directly reporting to him.

That being said, you were quite sure that he wouldn’t swipe right on you given that you’re his employee. Of course he wouldn’t want to be the unprofessional one so being tipsy and all, you decided to take one for the team.

“Tss, what the hell.” You huffed out and swiped right.

Not even a second later, the “It’s a match!” message popped up on the screen almost immediately. You choked on your wine and dropped your phone, eyes wide and heart racing because you just matched with your fucking boss.

“Shit!” You hissed, diving onto the floor the pick your phone up.

If the message popped out as soon as you swiped right on him, then that means...

“He swiped right on me first, what the fuck!”

-

Monday came quickly and you’ve never been this restless before. You couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that you matched with your boss on Tinder. Neither of you messaged the other over the weekend but now that you were headed to work, you honestly didn’t know what to expect.

You debated whether to call in sick or maybe, pretend that you died? Pack your bags and perhaps fly to a different country and start anew? You were overacting but matching with your boss on a dating app known for hook-ups should be a valid reason to justify your thoughts.

Maybe James didn’t recognize you that’s why he swiped right. That was possible since you and him didn’t really work together. It’d be better if he swiped right by accident, his phone probably slipped from his hands. He probably doesn’t even know he matched with you, yeah, you decided to settle on that conclusion.

Taking a deep breath in, you fixed your hair before stepping out of your car. Mondays were meant for meetings so he probably wouldn’t be around the office anyway. You rushed over to the elevator and let out a sigh of relief when you didn’t have to share it with anyone.

That was until someone managed to slip a foot in between the doors, catching up to you before the elevators slammed shut.

“Oh.”

Well, well, well if it isn’t James “Bucky” Barnes. Out of all the people you had to share an elevator with, it just had to be him! And judging by how his eyes widened at the sight of you, the Tinder incident wasn’t simply an accident.

“Good morning.” He greeted, clearing his throat as he stood beside you.

James’ scent wafted in the air as soon as the doors slid close and he smelled divine. He smelled like a man, a man man and it almost made your eyes roll. You greeted him back with a soft voice, fighting so hard not to look at him because as always, he looked pretty damn good.

He was restless beside you, adjusting his suit and then his tie. You could see him through your peripheral vision, he kept on fixing his hair as well. Did he get a haircut? It was shorter than before, not that you were paying way too much attention to him.

Meanwhile, you too were fidgeting with your shoulder bag, picking at the leather and praying for this torture to be over before you could even lose control and slam your lips against his.

“How was your weekend?” James asked, glancing at you.

This was probably the longest conversation you had with your boss. You weren’t even sure which was more awkward, striking a conversation after the match or simply remaining quiet for the entire ride up.

“Um, it was good. Yours?” You asked, stammering a little as you stole a quick glance at him.

James nodded, “Good too. Interesting actually.”

Fuck! He knows, he so knows about the match.

You would have preferred complete silence over the elevator music echoing in the air while the both of you were obviously feeling the tension. Was the elevator really this slow?! And when did it get this hot?!

You started fanning yourself when you started to sweat from the awkwardness of it all. Bucky too could obviously feel it, the tension and the elephant in the room waiting to be acknowledged. He loosened his tie all of a sudden, popping the top buttons of his dress shirt which quickly reminded you of the shirtless pic in his profile.

You could feel the heat creep up to your neck and ears. With how bright the lights were in the elevator, it’d be easy for James to notice how red you turned.

“Kinda hot today, don’t you think?” He asked.

You let out a mirthless chuckle, “Yeah, really hot. I think the maintenance should have the air conditioning unit checked.” You breathed out, clearing your throat again as you wiped the sweat forming on your forehead.

For a couple of seconds there was nothing but the collective sounds of you and your boss clearing your throats. The tension was so thick you can literally touch it if you tried. You wanted to address the unspoken issue but how the hell were you going to do that? Jump on his bones? It would seem like a good idea to do so except that he was your boss and that would result to you losing your job.

You wanted to ask James though, whether he was aware that you were his employee when he swiped right. Actually, you just wanted to bring up the topic just to get it over with. Acknowledge the match and then pretend it didn’t happen to save you both from the embarrassment. Yeah, you could do that.

Unable to hold back anymore, you broke the silence to ask James a question.

“Did you swipe right on accident?”

“So are you down to fuck?”

You and James asked at the same time, his straightforward question making you weak in the knees because what the hell...

James bit his lip, shaking his head in response. “I didn’t.”

“Oh.” You blinked, unable to stop yourself from staring at James’ mouth when he ran his tongue over his lower lip before taking it in between his teeth as he looked you over with glazed eyes.

Damn that tongue, though. And damn those blue eyes too.

“Are you...?” He repeated again, reminding you of his question.

Your boss, whom you rarely interacted with in the office, just asked you whether you were down to fuck. Truthfully, you were only on Tinder because of boredom and it wasn’t your goal to actually hook-up with someone. But now that your hot boss swiped right on you and seemed to be really interested in you...

“I...uhh...” you stammered, not really knowing how to tell him that yes, you would very much like to be fucked by him.

The elevator dinged, interrupting the tension between you and James. The doors slid open and James quickly straightened up before walking ahead.

But not without turning around to look at you expectantly, waiting for a response.

Due to the pressure and the elevator doors beginning to close, you blurted out the first thing that you could muster.

“Yes, sir!”

You blushed at your response but it seemed to have stirred something in James because his eyes darkened as he smirked at you.

“Good. Then I’ll see you in my office in fifteen.”

-

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[zoyaofthegardvn]

Where the Storm Lands (1)

A/N: Here is the first chapter in a multi-part fanfic featuring a Zoya Nazyalensky x reader plot line! Some chapters will be smutty, and I will be diverging from canon to better fit the story I want to write. I can't promise a lot of consistency with posting, but this is a story I am excited to put out there!

Chapter 1:

There is nothing that can compare to the overwhelming dread that consumes one as they are confronted with the vastness of the Shadow Fold for the first time. Some soldiers are lucky, their regiments are not sent into the Tulya Valley, they do not have to face the dreaded Unsea and its horrors. The forcible divide in Ravka is not their enemy, the ghosts of its all-consuming power do not haunt them as it haunts the soldiers ordered to make the crossing. 

On the edge of a crowded road, suffering the inner-turmoil of duty to country and duty to self, is Y/N. Next to her, her best friend and fellow cartographer, Alina Starkov. Above them, the sun shines strong and bright, but not enough to illuminate any part of the Fold. When Y/N glances over, she notices Alina shivering in her coat. 

Taking a deep breath, Y/N turns to face her. “Alina, is it possible that you’re actually more afraid than I am?”

With a roll of her eyes, Alina responds. “Is it a competition?”

“No, I suppose it isn’t. I just want to lighten the mood.”

Alina sighs, and links her arm through Y/N’s. “I know, I’m sorry. You know I always laugh at your jokes. I’m just not usually faced with impending death when I do.”

And there it is. Once again, that wave of fear and paranoia threatens to topple Y/N, to bring her crashing to the ground, struggling to breathe, ready to beg and plead for her life. No, Y/N does not want to make the crossing. But she has been ordered to do so, and so she will, for her loyalty to Ravka comes before her sense of self-preservation. She wonders if this is a feeling that is right and true, or if it’s been drilled into her so much that it’s started to feel natural. Duty to Ravka, loyalty to Ravka, allegiance to Ravka. But then, where do Ravka and Y/N converge?

Alina and Y/N have hardly made it ten feet down the dusty barren road, when Malyen Oretsev joins the pair, slinging an arm over Alina’s shoulders. Instantly, the mood feels lighter. Mal takes nothing seriously, and that sort of disregard is infectious to the two girls who have known him all his life. Life is better, easier, when the three of them are together. Life feels conquerable, and it feels like they don’t only belong to Ravka, but to one another, too.

Y/N walks ahead of her friends, turning around and noting the pink tint to Alina’s cheeks under the arm of her first love. Not that Mal knows this, though. Y/N is sworn to secrecy, and would never betray Alina like that anyway. But, Y/N never promised to not play matchmaker. 

Between laughs, Y/N calls to the two. “I’m going to go on ahead. Alina, I’ll try to find our tent and make sure we’ve got cots.”

Mal shakes his head at her. “You’re no fun, this could be our last day alive and you so readily leave us, for what? An early night in?” Mal feigns heartache, unwrapping his arm from around Alina and bringing it to his chest. “That hurts.” 

Alina swings a weak fist around, landing it on Mal’s arm. “Not funny.”

Mal shrugs. “I think it’s funny, and a valid point.”

Y/N has stopped walking, suddenly ashamed that they’d think she’d leave them. But, isn’t it easier this way? She wants to pretend like nothing about this mission is out of the ordinary, that tomorrow she’ll wake up, on a cot next to Alina, Mal walking into their tent, grumbling about them needing to wake up. They’ll find a meager breakfast together, Mal will go track, and Y/N and Alina will map something, whatever they’re told, their drawings never to be used. It will be routine, simple and safe. 

But, as much as she tries, Y/N cannot ignore the falseness of this entirely. Better to pretend it isn’t happening, to let Alina have some time alone with the man that she loves, than to face the sickening urge to say goodbye to them tonight.

“That’s not what I’m doing, but I want a cot next to Alina, and the food will be nearly gone before they allow lowly First Army soldiers any rations. We’ll meet up again tonight, the three of us. I’ll find you both later.” Y/N accepts Alina’s and Mal’s nods before turning back around, facing the road, with the Shadow Fold taunting her just beyond the encampment. 

~

Though it took longer than she’d have liked, Y/N found the cartographer’s tents after noticing a First Army soldier lugging some rolled up maps into one. Thanking the saints, Y/N found two unoccupied cots next to one another, and dumped her things across them both. Though, more than likely, Alina would climb into her’s, or Y/N into Alina’s. While they’d both claim that it just got cold at night, they’d both be needing the comfort before the journey ahead.

After claiming the two cots, she begins to pick her way through tents, soldiers, and supplies, beginning the search for food. She starts by moving inward, hoping the army would centralize the food, causing soldiers and Grisha both to flock to the middle. Thankfully, she can see that she’s right. Y/N can see a tent in the distance, a line emerging out of it on one side, others flocking around the edges, mingling with one another. But not speaking much, it’s hard to find anything to speak about that isn’t the inevitability of death or failure.

The camp isn’t completely silent, though. Y/N hears some hoots and hollers, the occasional laughter. It must be coming from the soldiers who’ve made the crossing before, who’ve got the scars the prove it and the fearlessness to keep testing their luck. 

If I survive this, please, let me never have to do it again. It’s a mantra at this point, after repeating it to herself so many times. It’s grounding, and the possibility of survival is enough to keep her sane. The knowledge that people have crossed the Fold and come back, it’s enough. It will have to be.

Finding where the winding line ends, Y/N places herself behind some other soldiers, prepared to wait a while, likely to only accept scraps. Looking around, it isn’t hard to differentiate the First Army soliders from the Second Army. Other than the ornate keftas that distinguish the Grisha, Y/N also notices how much happier they look. They travel in packs of fellow Grisha, smiling, laughing, practicing their Grisha magic where all can see. It’s likely they want to make any First Army soldiers jealous, but it only makes Y/N annoyed. She doubts that any of them are hungry like she is, she doubts that any of them had to hurry to claim a place to sleep tonight, that any of them will be restless due to fear of the Fold. No, she’s not jealous. She thinks she’s just angry. 

She notices one Grisha in particular, one that stands out from the rest. Her kefta is blue with silver detailing, marking her as a squaller. She seems especially powerful, creating strong gusts of wind that wipe out every target laid before her. She looks important, too. She’s giving orders to the Grisha around her, giving lessons to the Grisha she spars with. As much as Y/N hates to admire the Grisha, she can’t help but notice how beautiful this one is. She’s tall with glossy, wavy, raven dark hair. She has a commanding presence, eyes so deep blue they lure you in. Y/N knows that if she were standing just a bit closer, if she were apart of her inner circle, she wouldn’t be able to help being enraptured by the girl.

She doesn’t realize how hard she’s staring until the Grisha’s gaze lands on her own. Y/N feels her cheeks warm, immediately dropping her eyes. It’s best to not antagonize a Grisha, especially when it is clear how powerful they are. After a few beats have passed, Y/N slowly looks back, just to see if the girl is bounding over, prepared to start a fight Y/N knows she cannot win. But, she’s not. She’s still staring at Y/N, blue eyes taking her in, looking her up and down. Y/N heats under her gaze, and when the Grisha’s eyes return to her own, the girl smirks before turning back to her cohort. Y/N has no idea what to make of this, and just feels lucky to make it out of the interaction unscathed. 

The line moves a bit faster than Y/N expected, and once she gets to the soldiers responsible for serving, she realizes it is not a good thing. The tent smells of sweat and slop, and when Y/N picks up a tray, she notices some questionable leftover stains. 

She rubs it off with her sleeve and approaches the man behind the table. Holding her tray out, he scoops up an interesting looking serving of what Y/N can only describe as mush. It plops onto her tray, and she looks down at it like it’s grown legs and a mouth and started talking. The man clearly has no patience. “That’s it for tonight, move along. Lots of mouths to feed.” She has no desire to argue, and leaves. 

Once seated on the ground outside, Y/N eats what she believes to be a combination of potatoes, some other vegetables, and maybe some sort of gravy that had been made with whatever the trackers had found recently. It was not her favorite meal the army had served, but it filled her and kept her warm. Placing the tray next to her, she brings her knees up, wrapping her arms around them, resting her head on top. It has gotten noticeably darker now, enough to have to rely on the fires and lamps of the camp for light. 

Minutes are passing quickly, Y/N knows she’s likely to doze off in the position she’s in. She cannot make herself care. She knows she should go looking for Alina and Mal, spend the rest of the evening with them as she promised. But again, that crippling fear of saying goodbye nags at her, and it keeps her seated. 

The noises of the camp have become nothing but background noise now, and Y/N can feel some form of relaxation begin to take over. Then, the sound of approaching footsteps. They don’t sound to be in a hurry, so Y/N does not look up. They’re likely to walk right by, who would be looking for a First Army cartographer, anyway?

The steps are closer and closer, until Y/N does begin to get a bit nervous. And then, they stop, at what must be right next to her. She can feel eyes on her, it prickles the back of her neck. She slowly lifts her head from her arms, seeing a pair of black boots standing a few feet away. The hem of a blue kefta hangs nearby, and Y/N trails her eyes up until she’s met with the face of the Grisha she’d watched earlier. She’s all the more beautiful when this close. Oh saints. She’s come to confront me about staring. She waited until I was alone, and it was dark and quiet. She’s come for the fight I expected earlier. Somehow, this thought is scarier than any of the Fold.

The Grisha towers above her, hands behind her back. “Hello, soldier.” She speaks, the smirk evident in her voice if it had not been so plain on her face.

Y/N looks around, wondering if she’s talking to someone else. She has to be talking to someone else. But, of course, there is no one around.

The girl rolls her eyes, though it doesn’t feel truly annoyed. “I am talking to you, you know.” She glances at the discarded tray on the ground. “That couldn’t have been good. I’ve seen what they give your like.” Before Y/N can be offended by that, she keeps speaking, moving her arms to her front. In her hands, a bowl of fruit. “I’m sure you’re hungry. Come back to my tent? I have my own.” She bends at the knees, putting herself level with Y/N. Their eyes meet, her’s impossibly blue. Y/N feels the stare in the pit of her stomach.

“I-I don’t know. Why? I mean, we don’t know each other. Are you upset about earlier, I didn’t mean to stare.” Y/N cannot prevent the shake to her voice.

The girl scoffs. “If I was angry, would I be inviting you to my tent?”

“I suppose not.”

“No. I wouldn’t. I’ve plenty of food, it’s getting a bit cold out here. It would be much warmer…” Her voice trails off, leaving Y/N guessing at the implications. 

“I have some friends I promised to meet tonight. They’ll be worried if I don’t find them.”

“We can be friends. Is it that you don’t know me? My name’s Zoya. What can I call you?”

“Y/N.”

She makes a humming sound, like she’s rolling the name around in her mouth. “Pretty name for a pretty girl.”

Y/N just stares, she knows the blush on her face has got to be visible from across the camp.

“Look, Y/N. I’m not one to beg. So, I’ll go now. I do hope you’ll follow.”

The girl, Zoya, rises to her full height. She picks a grape from the bowl, popping it into her mouth, then winks and turns away. 

Is she… did she just flirt with me? Y/N, in the few seconds she watches Zoya stalk off, weighs her options. She can turn the other way, find Alina and Mal. She can spend the rest of the evening with them. She can try hard not to cry at the thought of losing them. She can let it feel like it’s a well and true goodbye. She can potentially interrupt whatever is happening with Alina and Mal right this moment.

Or, she can follow Zoya. She can eat better than she’s had in months, be in a warm tent not crowded with bodies. She can spend the evening with a pretty girl, one who clearly finds Y/N pretty, too. She can pretend like she’s as important as a Grisha for just one night.

Two options, both what Y/N wants. She looks at the pathetic tray on the ground, at all the soldiers in the camp, at the edges of the Fold in the distance, at Zoya walking away, slowly, but fast enough to make it clear she won’t turn around.

Saints. Y/N gets up, and she follows her.