#like I like to pretend that I’m weak to validation and like come on

[letssofia3006]

You know what’s even better than waking up with a certain someone absolutely annihilating your notifications with likes? When they escalate to a full-blown reblog spree.

[mywitchyblog]

Why i will Nver take Antis seriously

Okay, let’s talk about why I will NEVER take anti-shifters seriously. 💀 These people seriously think they’re serving some type of intellectual argument, but let’s be real—they’re just pathetic dick riders with no valid point to make. Sweetie, they think they can just hop on some anti-shifting bandwagon, pretend to be “woke,” and act like they know better than us. But we know the truth, and it's so obvious how weak and desperate they are. The only reason they’re even talking is because they can’t handle the fact that the shifting practice is real, and people are out here thriving while they’re stuck in their flop era. 🙄

I usually just scroll right past the negative content, but one day I saw this video that made me roll my eyes so hard I almost gave myself a headache. This girl is doing a makeup tutorial, all casual and cute, and then she drops the bomb: “Remember when we all used to shift in 2020? Can we admit that it was all a lie?” Like, girl, please. 💅 Immediately, the comment section is filled with people agreeing, “Yeah, it was just lucid dreaming.” “It was maladaptive daydreaming.” Sweetie, no. Just no. You’re out here acting like you have some epiphany, but it’s really just you looking for attention because, let’s face it, you’ve got nothing else going on. 💔

Here’s the thing: If you’re gonna pretend like you’re some kind of expert on shifting, at least do the work. At least try to understand what it actually means to shift, and not just repeat what everyone else says. 🧐 This girl comes out here saying she “shifted” and was “diagnosed with schizophrenia.” Girl. I had to pause and check if I was still watching the same video, because that was a whole mess. You’re throwing around terms like mental health issues just to sound edgy and relatable? Nope. Let’s be clear: schizophrenia is not something you just casually throw around to justify some half-assed clout-chasing narrative. If you really shifted, you wouldn’t be out here trying to “debunk” something you clearly never tried to understand in the first place. You pretended to shift for attention, and now that the hype died down, you decided to flip the script and start bashing shifting because it didn’t give you the clout you wanted. Pathetic. 🤭

And let’s not forget how she conveniently chose to make this video the one that blows up. 5.2 million views, girl? 😱 But the rest of your videos barely make it to 5k? Sis, we see you. We see how this is the only way you can get any traction. Your “I’m exposing shifting” video is your only shot at relevance, and it’s clear as day that you’ve jumped on this anti-shifting bandwagon just to get some views. The flop era is real, and it’s showinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg. You had one moment where you got some attention, but the rest of your content is crickets. 🦗 I mean, honey, if you were actually serving something real, you wouldn’t have to rely on dragging people down to make a name for yourself. 🤦���♀️

The truth is, she’s out here just riding whatever trend gets her noticed. That’s all she’s doing. When shifting was trending in 2020, she hopped on the wave pretending to be a part of it, and now that it’s not the "in" thing anymore, she’s throwing it under the bus to stay relevant. She’s the definition of a dick rider. Trying to latch onto whatever’s popular and ride the wave for as long as she can. But we see you, and it’s not cute. 🙄 You thought this was your moment to “expose” shifting and act like you’re somehow above it, but you’re just showing how desperate you are for attention. You're chasing views like a lost puppy, and it’s pathetic.

And don’t even get me started on that comment section. Why are these people agreeing with her, parroting the same old tired “shifting is just lucid dreaming” nonsense? Where are the real thinkers in this comment section? Sweetie, if you want to speak on something, at least educate yourself before you start spreading false info. 🙅‍♀️ It’s like y’all are too lazy to actually look into shifting, spiritual hygiene, and the depth of the practice. But instead, you’re just echoing a 2020 “shiftTok” narrative, regurgitating outdated and ignorant opinions like it’s fact. I’m honestly embarrassed for you. Do your research or stop talking. Simple as that. 🧠💡

The truth is, these anti-shifters don’t care about anyone’s mental health. They’re not “protecting” anyone; they’re just mad that they couldn’t get in on the trend or didn’t put in the effort to understand it. They want to act like they’re doing some grand thing by “debunking” shifting, but all they’re really doing is exposing their own ignorance. Like, sweetie, just admit you’re jealous. You couldn’t get the attention shifting gave others, and now you’re bitter about it. 😝 You couldn’t connect with the practice, so you’re going to try and tear it down. But guess what? It’s not working. 😘

Let’s talk about the bigger picture here. The real shifters—the ones who do the work, who research, who respect the practice and the boundaries it requires—we’re still out here, and we’re still shifting. We’re still growing, we’re still thriving, and we’re not letting some random, clout-chasing person get in the way of our personal journeys. The real shift doesn’t come from attention or clout; it comes from within. It comes from dedication, intention, and respect for what we’re trying to achieve. And trust me, anyone who genuinely shifts knows it’s an empowering, transformative experience—not something to be mocked. 💫👑

So to all the fellow shifters out there, don’t let these clowns get to you. Don’t let their negativity and petty arguments distract you from your journey. You are doing something real, something powerful. While they’re stuck in their flop era, we’re out here creating new realities, growing, and elevating ourselves in ways they’ll never understand. Keep going. Stay true to your path. And remember: the truth speaks for itself, and the real ones will always rise above the noise. ✨💖 Keep shifting, keep evolving, and never let anyone who doesn’t understand the practice try to dim your light. You’re not in the same lane as them—and you never will be. 👑💫

[switch-witch-erin]

This post is about the very experience of loving tickling, the feeling of shame for it, the feeling of being somehow abnormal, which as far as I know actually haunts many.

This is gonna be a long read, featuring my journey to finding peace in liking tickles + how I managed to clarify for myself that liking platonic tickling is a thing, and is, in fact, okay. I’ll try to make it as short as I can :,)

❗️All of this is just a reflection of my experience, please be respectful

First of all, I have to say that tickling has always been a main form of showing affection in my family — here

For my parents and siblings, it was of utter importance to never show “weakness” in any way or form, no saying “I love you”, no hugs nor kisses, no words of validation, only stuff like “study hard so you can get a better job in the future”, “don’t forget to wear your scarf, it’s cold outside”, so basically they showed their love through doing anything they could for me to survive and thrive, but without any affection. And since affection wasn’t allowed, my siblings decided to start disguising it by messing with me, like tickling me silly, claiming that they’re just teasing and pestering me, while also making it fun and entertaining. They were gentle and careful, especially considering our big age difference (I’m 25, and my eldest brother is 48), and it made me feel so loved and cherished that I never wanted it to stop. Most tickle fights happened with my sister, seven years older than me, and she’d let me win just to cheer me up, which also gave me an extra boost of joy and love for her.

Therefore, by the time I went to school, I was 100% certain that everyone liked tickling, they just played the game of pretending, while actually having fun. I was called a local tickle monster among my classmates and some of the teachers as I kept tickling my friends all over the school, and I was a very social kid, so it might have been around 30 people on my “wanted” list x) Thinking about it now, I don’t remember a single kid actually getting uncomfortable or disliking the tickling. Maybe that’s because my tickles were gentle and didn’t last long as I was afraid of accidentally hurting peeps and made sure to keep it light. There also was a girl, around 15 years old, who really liked me and treated me like a younger sister because she thought I was a cute kid. She’d hang out with me and some of my classmates during breaks, put me on her lap, tell the stupidest jokes one could possibly come up with, and then tickle me silly, saying “See? I knew it was funny, you’re laughing!”. Unfortunately, I changed schools, and we never saw each other again, but it was fun while it lasted.

When I got older, like 12 or so, I remember there was a girl who kept initiating tickle fights with me on a daily basis, that was so much fun, basically my number 1 reason to go to school at the time x). I was a little overweight and insecure about my appearance, so her willingly touching me (as well as hugging me after the tickling) and saying that my giggles were cute made me feel so much better about myself, no words can possibly describe it. She was definitely a lot rougher than me when it came to tickling, but it was fine, maybe because I wasn’t that ticklish, so it didn’t bother me much. I even remember teachers watching us and smiling. Back then I didn’t feel embarrassed in the slightest, I treated it as any other form of fun activities, like playing hide and seek or drawing. Though it didn’t last long.

Next year, when I was 13, we got a new classmate, she was nice, but her mood kept changing every ten minutes, it was weird, probably a puberty thing, but still. We quickly became friends, and eventually, after about two weeks of getting to know each other, I started tickling her, and she became completely enraged. She yelled at me, slapped my hands away and started a whole ass rant about how people who tickle others are annoying and rude, while threatening to punch me if I tickle her again. To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. It’s like my entire world got turned inside out, and I felt so guilty and ashamed of myself that all I could do was apologise and leave. Of course, now, as an adult, I understand that her reaction was way too intense, and I should’ve at least clarified that I didn’t mean to upset her. But back then I got absolutely mortified. As a cherry on top she started avoiding me like I did something terrible, and only in about three weeks she came up to me out of the blue and started a conversation like nothing happened. It felt weird, but I was so glad she seemed to have forgiven me I didn’t bother to ask questions. But that’s when the shame all tickling community knows started forming. “What if other people whom I tickled actually didn’t enjoy it? I haven’t seen someone tickling others as often as I did, what if it’s not okay to act like I do? What if I’m some kind of creep to others? What if I have been a creep this whole time, but no one bothered to tell me? Bad people don’t know or don’t care if they’re bad, they just do whatever they please, just like I did with my friends before. What if I’m actually a bad person? A creep?” Yeah, well, that was just the tip of the iceberg. Among puberty-related things, that made me feel insecure as well and I stopped being as social as I was, I closed off, but the need to have tickles in my life persisted, and I started watching those silly tickling moments from cartoons and anime posted on YouTube. Watching them has always made me smile, and it felt like a void inside me started to fill up. I can only compare the feeling to hugging my boyfriend or receiving support from my friends - that fuzzy feeling that makes life worth living. I remember panicking when these videos started appearing on my feed even after I deleted them from my YouTube history, as it felt like I’m doing something perverted and unnatural. Once, the videos popped up on my main YouTube page while I was watching stuff with my friend, and I was mortified. She didn’t question it, not sure if she even noticed, but I wanted to die right there on the spot. When I was thinking all of it over as a teen, I used to compare myself to creepy fetishists, who pile up various disturbing stuff in their PC folder just to open when no one’s looking. The thought made me cry so many times I can’t even count, as I couldn’t share with anyone about it, and I assured myself that I am a creep, so if I want to stop being one I should get rid of that liking tickling thing and enjoy “normal” stuff. So I deleted all of the saved videos, art and other stuff, unfollowed the creators and went on with my life. It was a difficult decision, but I was determined.

Several months later my classmates (13-15 years old) started a massive tickle fight, among like ten or so people, and it all was happening right in front of me. I was staring at them with googly eyes, sitting there all tensed up and confused like ??? You’re all not supposed to do that??? How dare you??? And it was mostly among boys, so one of them approached me with a big grin on his face, and some sort of Tarantino dialogue happened

— Hey, why aren’t you participating? Are you not ticklish?

— N-No…

And he proceeded to start tickling me, but I didn’t react, either because I was still shocked or because I didn’t want to be a part of it, I’m not sure myself. And when he saw the lack of reaction, I swear to god, he was UPSET. He lowered his head and pouted a little, mumbling something like “damn, okay”. I can’t say for sure whether he was upset because of me (presumably) not being ticklish, or because he wanted to make me react, but something in my head clicked. Like… “oh, you want tickles? I’ll give you tickles!” And I started tickling him back furiously. Nothing painful or uncomfortable, just rather intense as I targeted almost all of his upper body at the same time. The guy’s laughter was silent, and he leaned over, shaking with inaudible giggles, but he didn’t try to get away. Not even once. When I realised what I was doing, I stopped, feeling mortified once again. It felt like I was using him for my “perverted” needs, like I just submerged this boy to something he doesn’t enjoy for my “sick” pleasure. You know that feeling when you’re about to explode with crying, but you hold yourself back as much as you can with what little power you still have? Yeah, that was how I felt. When suddenly he sat up with an even bigger grin on his face than before, looked at me with such a happy, excited expression, and then turned to the others, yelling out “Beware! She’s not ticklish, and she’s a master tickler!” Then he glanced back at me and said “Hey, it’s not fair you’re not ticklish, you’re imbalanced! (Russian slang for someone or something way mightier than their group) Come with us, you’d be an absolute winner!” [Love men’s urge to constantly compete lol]

A school bell, indicating that the next lesson is starting, saved my sorry ass. Imagine how hard it was to concentrate on studying after all of that x)

By the time I came home I was so confused I could barely talk to anyone, completely stuck in my own thoughts. It seemed like they all were enjoying the tickling, and they were participating in it willingly, having fun together. No one minded getting tickled, and even though no one said out loud that they enjoyed it, it was obvious. So my brain gears started rotating. If it’s okay for others to enjoy tickling, why can’t it be okay for me? Yes, maybe I like it more than they do, but what’s so bad about it? Some people like martial arts, some people like drawing, dragons, marine biology, sports, massages, and I like tickling! It’s a special interest, my special interest. I do it because it feels nice, and not only it makes me happy, other people enjoy it too! Not everyone, naturally, just like not everyone likes being touched in general. But to people, who enjoy tickling, it’s a nice way to unwind and have fun. It’s some kind of monkey brain thing like “me make other monkey happy with tickles, other monkey happy = I happy”. Apes together strong x)

And slowly but surely I began my research, checking what it’s like to enjoy tickling, how it works in biology and psychology, why some people like it and some don’t, why some are more ticklish than others and whatnot. It was fascinating. Humans are so fucking weird (affectionately), there’re so many details, nooks and crannies that take part in our existence…

But scientific part aside, I decided to switch on my critical thinking skills as well and actually look at my situation from someone else’s perspective. And eventually came up with a basic scheme. The questions I asked myself were:

1. Do I harm anyone, including myself, by liking/participating in tickling?

2. Does tickling bring me joy?

3. Do I violate people’s boundaries by tickling them?

4. Is it considered inappropriate to enjoy tickling?

As a result, I came up with several conclusions, which can be summed up in one statement

“If tickling is consensual and brings joy to both parties, there shouldn’t be any problems with it”

Maybe you noticed that some people who don’t have tickling as their special interest enjoy it too! It is a form of affection after all, so, since it brings me joy, why should I be embarrassed about it? Don’t get me wrong, even though all of my friends know I like tickling (they saw my art, we’ve talked about it a lot, I share the news of what’s up with the community and many other things), sometimes I get so fucking embarrassed I don’t have words to describe such strong emotions. Fortunately, my friends are good people, they remind me that it’s okay… it doesn’t stop them from poking and teasing me, but can’t say that I mind x) Even people like my brother’s wife know about that special interest of mine, and ALL of them, and I mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON think that it’s okay. Some said that it’s even cute. But it still wasn’t enough for me to let go and enjoy myself, so I decided to contact a specialist.

By the time I became an adult I decided to talk about my liking of tickling with my therapist, and mind you this woman was definitely overqualified when it comes to all the stuff I asked her. Looking back at it I can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous it might have looked to her.

“Hello, my name is Erin, I’m 22, I really like tickles, both tickling and being tickled, is there something wrong with me? 🥺”

I bow to her ability of keeping a poker face. True professional. I don’t want to go into the details, but overall she said that enjoying platonic tickles is actually very common, especially for people on autism spectrum and those with ADHD (aka me). [Not that everyone who likes tickles should immediately get tested] She told me that she had a patient with severe autism, he had trouble talking to people, and he didn’t enjoy being touched. So whenever he wanted to express affection for his family members, he’d gently tickle their side a little and smile at them. Tickling was his love language. And, in case anyone is still wondering about whether tickling can only be a kink, I really doubt that it was anything sexual for him. By the way, you can read a post made by an actual psychologist regarding tickling not necessarily being a kink.

And since tickling has always been the main form of affection I received, it’s only natural that I carried it into adulthood. I’m 25 years old, a whole grown ass woman with a degree, a job, my own apartment and goals to achieve. Why on Earth would I drop enjoying something as lighthearted and fun as tickling because someone considers it weird?

The actually weird thing is telling people what they are, and what they’re supposed or not supposed to enjoy.

If getting tickled silly by my man is what makes me happy, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.

Peace out, have fun, and stay true to yourself ✌🏻

Hope my post helps you feel at least a little better 🌸

[kangshxrtie]

51 . yn protection squad

prev . main

you were just minding your own business, sitting outside the classroom, waiting for nien, kaede, and chaeyeon to finish up. your phone was keeping you company, scrolling through whatever came up on your feed, when you suddenly heard footsteps slow down beside you. instinctively, you kept your eyes on your phone, hoping it wasn’t who you thought it was.

but, of course, life never worked out that easily.

“yn,” nakyoung’s voice came from above you, soft but filled with an annoying persistence. “we need to talk.”

"hey," she repeated as she approached, her voice slightly breathless as if she had rushed over the moment she saw you. you didn't bother looking up, pretending to be deeply engrossed in whatever was on your screen.

you sighed but didn’t look up. maybe if you just kept scrolling, she’d take the hint and leave. it wasn’t like she could force you into a conversation, right?

"yn, can we talk for a second?" she pressed, standing right in front of you now.

you sighed, locking your phone and finally glancing up at her. "what do you want, nakyoung?"

she gave you that familiar look, the one that had always made you weak before, but now it only reminded you of how much she'd hurt you. "i just... i wanted to talk. you haven’t been responding to my texts."

"there’s nothing to talk about," you muttered, trying to sound as indifferent as possible. you couldn’t let her get to you again. not when you were finally in a good place with xinyu. things had started to feel real, and the last thing you needed was nakyoung trying to mess it all up.

nakyoung shifted her stance, crossing her arms in frustration. "you can’t just ignore me forever, yn. we need to talk about us."

you sighed, "there is no us, nakyoung. i keep telling you, i won't break up with xinyu."

she rolled her eyes as if you hadn’t just said you were in a relationship. "come on, yn. we both know that you’re just doing that to make me jealous. you don’t actually like her."

your patience was running thin. "no, nakyoung. i'm dating xinyu because i want to be with her. i'm not doing this for you."

nakyoung frowned, clearly not liking your response. "i know you, yn. this thing with xinyu is not right, especially because you told me you hated her and would never speak to her again. it's not too late for us to go back to how things were."

you stood up, putting your phone in your pocket. "nakyoung, you need to stop. i’m not going back to you. ever. you hurt me, and i’m happy with xinyu. so please, just leave me alone."

her expression faltered for a second, but she quickly recovered, taking a step closer. "you don’t mean that. you’re just mad at me."

you tried to keep your voice steady. "no, nakyoung, i mean every word. i don’t plan on leaving xinyu anytime soon, so just… move on... again."

before nakyoung could respond, the door to the lecture hall swung open, and nien, kaede, and chaeyeon emerged from their class. the three of them spotted you instantly, and it didn’t take long for them to notice nakyoung standing uncomfortably close to you.

"yn!" nien called out, her voice immediately cutting through the tension. her eyes narrowed as she took in the scene.

kaede’s face darkened when she saw nakyoung. "fuck are you doing here?" she asked, already walking over to stand next to you.

chaeyeon seemed unsure at first but quickly made her way over as well. "valid question, cause i sure as hell didn't invite her."

nakyoung crossed her arms defensively. "i was just talking to yn."

"about what?" nien asked, her tone cold.

"none of your business," nakyoung shot back, her voice sharper now.

kaede scoffed, stepping in front of you like a human shield. "it actually is our business. especially when you’re basically harassing yn."

nakyoung’s jaw tightened. "i’m not harassing her. i just wanted to talk."

"well, she doesn’t want to talk to you," nien interjected, crossing her arms. "she’s made that pretty clear, hasn’t she?"

nakyoung turned to chaeyeon, hoping for some backup. "chaeyeon, come on. you know yn and i were good together. can’t you talk some sense into them?"

chaeyeon frowned, clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation. "nakyoung… i think it’s time to let this go."

nakyoung’s face dropped as if she hadn’t expected chaeyeon to take your side. she opened her mouth to argue, but kaede cut her off.

"seriously, nakyoung," kaede said, her voice firm. "we used to be friends so i know you understand the concept of leaving somebody alone."

"exactly," nien added. "we’re not letting you ruin things for her again."

nakyoung looked at you one last time, her expression torn between anger and frustration. "fine," she muttered under her breath before turning on her heel and walking away without another word.

you exhaled, feeling the tension finally leave your body as she disappeared down the hallway.

"are you okay?" nien asked, placing a hand on your shoulder.

"yeah," you replied, though your voice was still a bit shaky. "thanks for stepping in. she just… doesn't get that i don't want her anymore."

kaede rolled her eyes. "she’s delusional if she thinks you’re going back to her after everything she put you through."

chaeyeon gave you a sympathetic smile. "i’m sorry it had to go down like that, yn. i didn’t think nakyoung would push it this far."

"it’s not your fault," you said quickly. "i just… i’m glad you guys showed up when you did."

"we’re always gonna have your back," nien said with a grin. "yn protection squad for life."

you laughed, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. "real ones. i just hope she'll stop after this."

"she better," kaede muttered, glancing down the hall where nakyoung had disappeared. "otherwise, next time, i’m actually gonna have to start biting bitches."

main . nxt

taglist ༒ @gtfoiydlyj @inybits @baewonlove @yeetaberry127 @sananapotter @happyjuhyun @nicstumblur @museujin @urmom2314 @yunalvrrr @jeindall777 @saysirhc @idleyuri @yerimbrit @sixflame438 @artrizzler19 @peranoo

[amuseoffyre]

Thinking about all the different shades of performative masculinity represented in Ted Lasso and all the ways the characters are gradually overcoming them to simply be themselves.

You’ve got Ted being the chipper country lad, who papers over all his traumas and insecurity with humour, pouring out so much of himself to help and support others that he keeps nothing for himself to the detriment of his marriage and his friendships. He’s learned to accept the negative emotions aren’t something to be ashamed of or hidden from or something that makes you a weak or bad person, which is allowing him to process them and deal with them in a healthy way.

You’ve got Jamie who was so convinced he had to be the Prick and the Big Man that he turned into a mirror of his father, but with an emotional support squad and some encouragement, he’s unpicking all that. Over three seasons, he’s becoming more and more confident in himself and how he comes across and even feels validated in sharing his opinions and thoughts instead of throwing a tantrum and saying “I’m hurt” like he did in S1.

You’ve got Roy who still carries some of the Big Man and Prick mentality he had from 20 years of being a premiere league footballer, but we get to see it tempered by how big his heart is, especially around Keeley and Phoebe and how much he lets himself care. He’s reached a point where he speaks about his vulnerabilities and emotions, even if he couches it in metaphors and instead of immediately resorting to violence and headbutting people, he will use his words instead. Okay yes, and some growling, but there is distinctly less headbutting this season.

You’ve got Trent who wielded words like a weapon, disparaging and dismissive and cutting down the footballers who he could never be. He loved the sport, but he hated the way he was treated as someone who couldn’t do it, so the pen became mightier than the sword. He became the edgy hard-nosed infamous reporter people came to fear. Only now, he’s given up his cutting, scathing words for a story with heart and soul and a story that has him so excited, he forgets all about the way he’s presented himself for years and is just giddy and not afraid to let everyone see it.

You’ve got Nate who has been condescended to and belittled so much his entire life that he assumes the worst in every situation. He’s trying to become “the big dog”. He’s got the job he wanted through backstabbing, betrayal and being a dick, but now thanks to Rupert still condescending and belittling him, he’s gradually - oh so frigging slowly - starting to see that acting like the big dog as he sees it isn’t him. That he can be accepted as who he is instead of who he pretends to be.

You’ve got Colin who fell into step with Jamie’s influence back in the day, doing what Jamie wanted to get approval and acceptance, including being a bullying little toerag, but who is now learning to be more confident and sure of who he is to the point he can speak about his sexuality to someone from his workplace, even if he hadn’t planned on it.

You’ve got Sam who... yeah, no, who am I kidding? Sam is wonderful and lovely :D

I love this show so very much.

[girltalkcollectives]

My Journey with Depression: It’s Okay to Ask for Help

TW: depression, suicidal thoughts

I got diagnosed with depression last week. After six years of struggling, I finally have a name for what I’ve been experiencing. I’m writing this because I need to process everything, and because maybe someone else needs to read it.

Looking back, the signs were there in high school. I was 14 when things started to change. Everything felt heavy, like I was moving through life underwater. I never told anyone about these feelings I was having because I thought I’d be brushed aside and told it was just part of being a teenager. 

The hardest part was how unpredictable it all felt. Some days (or weeks) I was fine – I could laugh with friends, enjoy my hobbies, and feel normal. Then, without warning the darkness would creep back in. These cycles of feeling okay and then falling back into emptiness made me doubt myself even more. Was I really struggling, or was I just being dramatic? The good days made me question if I was making up the bad ones.

For six years, I tried to convince myself that this was normal. That everyone had periods where they couldn’t get out of bed, where basic tasks like showering felt impossible. That the emptiness I felt was just part of growing up. The ups and downs confused me – if I could feel fine sometimes, shouldn’t I be able to feel fine all the time?

But there’s a fundamental difference between being sad and being depressed. Being sad is temporary – you feel it, process it, and move forward. Depression comes in waves. Sometimes the waters are calm, and you think you’ve finally learned to swim. Then suddenly you’re drowning again, and those moments of peace feel like they never existed. The things that once brought you joy feel pointless. And slowly, quietly, your brain starts telling you that maybe the world would be better off without you.

That’s the scariest part to write about. The moments when existing feels like too much work. The times when the pain is so overwhelming that disappearing forever seems like the only escape. I never told anyone about these thoughts. How could I? Especially when some days I felt perfectly fine – I was afraid no one would believe me. So I smiled in photos, went to class, and pretended everything was fine.

Last week, sitting in the doctor’s office, I finally told someone everything. How some days it takes all my energy just to exist. How the good days almost make the bad days worse because they remind me of who I used to be. How terrified I am that this is just who I am now. Instead of dismissing me, she listened. She explained that sometimes depression comes in cycles, and that these fluctuations are part of the condition, not evidence that I’m making it up. She validated what I’ve been feeling. She told me that depression is a medical condition, not a personal failure.

I’m starting medication soon. The doctor explained everything – how it works, potential side effects, what to expect. I’m nervous about it, but for the first time in years, I also feel hopeful. This isn’t a magic solution, but it’s a step forward. It’s me choosing to fight for myself.

I wish I could go back and tell my 14-year-old self that it wasn't normal to feel this way. That the emptiness wasn't just "part of life." That asking for help wasn't weakness – it was strength. That the good days didn't invalidate the bad ones. But I can't change the past. What I can do is share my story now, in case someone else needs to hear it.

If you're reading this and recognizing yourself in these words, please know that you don't have to suffer in silence. You don't have to wait six years like I did. Whether your depression is constant or comes in waves, your feelings are valid. Your struggle is real. And there are people who want to help.

Depression lies to you. It isolates you. It makes you think you're alone in this. But you're not. I'm not. And while I don't know exactly what the future holds, I know that finally acknowledging this and seeking help was the right choice.

This is my story. It's still being written. But at least now I'm not pretending anymore. And that feels like the first real breath I've taken in years.

Take care of yourselves.

[guiltycorp]

this might be a controversial opinion, but I think Shoko’s ‘I was there too’ was another expression of the author’s slide into sexism in the latter half of JJK

because the thing is, at the time of reading the backstory arc, I thought it was an exceptionally good decision not to involve Shoko in the main plot too much despite being the typical 1 girl 2 boys as per shonen standards, she refused to engage with them on a narrative level from her words about ‘never becoming trash like those two’ to her consistent avoidance of getting involved in their conflicts, Shoko also never presented her own stance on strong vs weak or non-sorcerers vs sorcerers, she just wanted to do her own thing and let the boys sort out themselves

and when letting Gojo know the whereabouts of the newly snapped Geto, she says ‘no way, i don’t want to be killed’, which is obviously another valid reason why she didn’t want to participate in their break-up thing

...for a ‘girl character in a trio’ this complete avoidance is an admirably fresh character trait!! if she tried to act like a true supportive friend, she would inevitably have to take on the emotional burden of her two male classmates no matter how empathetic Geto was as a person, with his slide into complete breakdown it would still fall on Shoko to try and handle it emotionally, leading to an unsatisfactory sexist trope similarly to Nobara who never acted as the ‘safe-rational-emotional core of the group’, Shoko never fell into the trap of being a prop for male characters’ feelings and decisions   

moreover, it worked well in that arc specifically because there were other female characters who actually did serve as exactly that, changing both Gojo and Geto for good despite this being another ‘female character dies for male character progression’ i think it still worked pretty well due to Riko representing the established cycle of innocent youth dying because of their messed up society 

(...and also because this was far from the only factor influencing both Gojo and Geto) 

one could argue that still, with Shoko and Yaga being the only survivors who knew Gojo and Geto that well (the extent of Nanami’s closeness to them seems unclear to me) Gojo never remained alone ...but Yaga was another cog in the system, consecutively failing his students time and time again and Shoko... well, in the fanbook, it was said that she’s neutral and doesn’t have a preference between Gojo and the higher-ups, and yeah, she didn’t comment on any of his rants about changing the status-quo

of course, she still did what he asked her to do (writing off Yuji as ‘deceased’ on the report) and she is not completely heartless as seen in the JJK0 movie where she immediately left the room as soon as Yaga called for Geto’s immediate execution  there’s also the ambiguous way Kenjaku phrased this where it could mean either that Gojo himself didn’t want to fully destroy Geto’s body or that he didn’t want Shoko to do it to spare her feelings (personally i’m leaning more towards the first option tho tbh) ‘You are only considerate during such awkward moments’.

BUT THE POINT IS, no matter how valid for her own character, she did absolutely leave both Gojo and Geto alone! purposefully so, too so for the author to suddenly bring up her own feelings making it seem as if it’s Gojo who ignored her steadfast support and presence in his life is... just a return to the more basic tenets of ‘woman longs to be appreciated by a man but the man is busy doing other more important things’

like, Gojo is a dumb bitch with extremely low emotional intelligence who relies a little too much on his personal understanding of strength when it comes to forging connections but to pretend that Shoko was there for him or Geto is a disservice to all of their characters also, while it’s canon that Gojo doesn’t let himself open up to anyone other than Geto, it’s not like there are people by his side who’d be willing to listen to him anyway?... it’s not a coincidence that both Utahime and Nanami have a lot of Geto’s more admirable traits and yet dislike Gojo instead of enjoying his company and to me it’s a shame that fandom jumped so readily on this perceived dynamic of poor left-out Shoko...

she was never left out, she left on her own time and time again!

[aheckinmess]

The Straw [Toshinori] (Angst)

(One-shot 24/? in a collection of My Hero Academia one-shots posted regularly on Saturdays - and sometimes Sundays.)

Read on AO3.

Tags: Toshinori Yagi, All Might, Smol Might, Small Might, Original Female Character(s), Ichijiku Aoki, Protective Toshinori, Protective All Might, All Might-centric, Young Toshinori Yagi, Angst, Just a Taste of Hurt/Comfort for Flavor, OC Gets Angry, One Might Even Say Furious, No Actual Trees Were Harmed in the Making of This Prompt, If Anyone Finds That Tennis Ball Please Let Me Know, If You're Angry and You Know It Stomp Your Feet, Toshinori Deserves the World, He's Seen So Much of Ichijiku's Shit, And He Still Loves Her So Much

Word Count: 2,375 words

Summary: Ichijiku has shared almost every part of herself with Toshinori. Almost every part, except her rage. So, when her grandmother calls with news that Ichi's mother is missing, she gets to see just how much Toshinori is willing to put up with.

Author's Note: Not gonna lie, I wrote this prompt because I read a story that made me livid and I needed to feel validated for how much anger I was feeling.

Content Warning: Strong, vulgar language

Ichijiku (Tigress)

Toshinori knows almost every part of me. Strong arms brace me when my knees are too weak to stand.  Weathered hands soothe me when I laugh so hard my sides cramp. Even when I’m ranting and irritable, he listens to me vent about injustices I face.

He sees the good, the bad, and the ugliest parts of me and still holds on tight.

I hold onto that promise when I make my bi-weekly phone call to my mother to check in. It’s always a coin flip if a phone call home will end in drama, depression, or deceit. Needless to say, I don’t have high hopes as the dial tone rings in my ear.

“Ichijiku?” Grandma’s voice is the first to come over the phone.

Which wouldn’t be odd except my mom always answers her phone, and Grandma sounds out of breath. Is she okay? Is one of them in the hospital? My chest hurts as various scenarios play through the projector of my mind.

“Grandma?” I hop onto the kitchen counter where I have the perfect view of Toshinori through the cracked door of the study. The soft curve of his lips into a smile dampens the anxiety clawing at my heart. “Is Mommy there?” 

“Your mother,” She begins, and I know there’s trouble. “Left her phone here and has not been seen or heard from since this morning!” 

Bubbling irritation replaces sheer panic in seconds. This isn’t new for my mother, and immediately I jump back off the counter to find something to clean. Focusing my attention on something else helps distract me from my emotions in order to first find my mother. Even from a country away, I’m already strategizing.

“Do you know where she might have gone? Like, did anyone see a car pick her up or did she just sneak out?” I question, chewing at my lip as I turn on the water and start dishes. “Has she been acting strange this week?”

“She’s been doing what she normally does and staying cooped up in her room all day on her phone. But it must have been this morning because I went to check on her at about eight and she was in bed.” Grandma huffs. “Ami’s out there driving to see if she can find her on the trail, but you know I can’t go anywhere because I can’t leave Grandpa here while he’s sick.”

“I know, Grandma. I’ll see what I can do.” I tell her, hearing a beep on the other line. The number is unknown, but my mother has been known to call me and tell on herself. “Hang on, I think she might be calling me from a different phone. I’m going to see who this is.”

“Alright, bye.”

I swipe on the number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, baby, how are you doing?” Even over the phone, my mom doesn’t hide the dull monotone she speaks with. She’s learned if she sounds depressed enough, people will give her the attention she so desperately craves.

“Hey, Mommy, what are you up to?” I ask, pretending like I know nothing while I put her on speaker so I can text my aunt after drying my hands. On the phone with Mom now. Will let you know if she tells me where she is.

“Oh, I’m just walking. Trying to get out of the house.” She sighs. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing much, just washing some dishes while Toshi reads in the study.” I tell her. “You walking on the trail? Is the weather nice?”

“Yeah, I’m over here near the boat ramp…just watching the boats.” Every exhale she makes sends static through the phone. “How are you and Tosh…Toshi…nomi? Ah, I can’t say his name.”

“Toshinori is good.” I correct her. Said she’s at the boat ramp watching the boats. “Is the water up today? Does it look rough?”

Thank you, pumpkin. Headed that way. 

“Eh…it kinda looks like it might be up a little bit.” She pauses. “You remember when your daddy used to take us down here all the time?”

The first kindling of anger smokes at the mention of my father. You dare bring him up when you’re out there walking and trying to spread your legs for someone else? Tiger snarls as I dry my hands once more and begin pacing, needing the movement to calm me down.

“Yes, I remember. We used to go to the sandbar all the time, too.”

“Yeah…I miss him.” Her voice sounds strangled; I feel sympathy but it’s drowned in betrayal and rage. He worked so hard for you. He did everything for you. We both did. And all you did was throw it back in our face and take advantage of us. “I miss your daddy, baby.”

The smoke of my rage bursts into flames, growing with every pass down the hallway.

“I miss him too, Mommy.” There’s a bite in my tone, but I swallow the rest of it back. I don’t, however, swallow all of the sass. “Guess that’s why you’re out looking for another man now, huh?”

“No, I am not!” She says indignantly. “I just wanted the fresh air. Is there something wrong with fresh air?”

“No, there’s not.” I concede. “But did you tell Grandma you were going?”

“No, I didn’t tell her. I’m a grown ass adult, thank you very much! I’m not a child, Ichijiku Aoki.” She snaps.

“An adult doesn’t leave without telling anyone where they're going, Mom.” I say calmly. “Especially when you’ve been known to leave and get in other peoples’ cars.”

“Your grandma doesn’t need to know where I am all the fucking time!” The tantrum is tangible in her tone. I feel it through the receiver and the flames only grow brighter. My limbs start burning, vibrating with the need to sling my phone straight across the room. With the need to break something. “I can take care of myself!”

I found her, pumpkin.

“But you’ve proven you can’t, Mom.” My jaw clenches taut as I force gulp after gulp of air down into my lungs. “Grandma and Grandpa are older and need help doing things, especially since Grandpa’s sick. And you’re the only one there to help them. You left them there alone. You could have just told them where you were going and gone for a walk. No one would be upset at you for that. We only get upset when you disappear because we don’t know where you are or if you’re safe.”

“Whatever.” She grouses, the static punching through the speaker as her breaths get sharper. There’s a pause and I hear Aunt Ami’s voice distantly in the speaker, to which my mom answers. “I’m not doing anything! I’m just walking!” 

“You go with Aunt Ami.” I say, sounding serene and cool when I feel everything but. “I’ll check in with you later while I finish dishes. I love you, Mommy.”

“Yeah, I love you too…I’ll talk with you later, darlin’.” She says.

When the line disconnects, bittersweet memories flood me until even Endeavor’s flames would look pitiful compared to the all-consuming inferno dripping through my veins with every breath. Memories of my dad telling me how proud he was that I’d been accepted into college, followed swiftly by my mother going missing the day before I was supposed to leave. Thoughts of my dad weak and feeble in the hospital tango with the reminder that my mother was sleeping in a hotel with my bastard uncle while my dad took his dying breaths.

I grab my security baseball bat and step into the backyard, shaking with bitterness and pain and heartache. A pile of used tires still lay strewn across the yard from one of Toshi’s workouts, not to mention the copious amounts of thick camphor and maple trees that are more than able to withstand my fury. That’ll fucking do.

Letting the door slam behind me, I toss the bat up, catch it by the handle and wail into the first thing I see. THWOMP! A maple tastes the initial brunt of my fury before I whip around into a tire. THWOMP! Sweat drips down my neck and time is but a child’s playtoy as the inferno reaches a fever pitch. Tiger and I meld together into one searing wildfire as we sink our teeth and claws into anything that crosses our path.

No thoughts. Only destruction. I snatch a dead limb from a camphor nearby. A tennis ball meets the toe of my shoe for but a fleeting moment before it finds a new home in the endless void. I claw at the dirt, relishing in the feeling of pressure beneath my nails. When my teeth find themselves unsatiated? I stuff the collar of my shirt in my mouth and bite hard, before I pick up the bat again.

THWOMP! THWOMP! THWOMP!

“Ichan?” Something stops the forward momentum of my weapon and I growl as I rip it back. A familiar hand touches my shoulder. “Hey, it’s–”

“IT’S NOT OKAY!” I roar, slinging my bat into the dirt and panting as I glare at him. “SHE THINKS SHE’S SO FUCKING CLEVER AND ALL SHE’S EVER DONE IS HURT ME!” 

Toshinori knows almost every part of me.

But he’s never met my rage.

“I’M SO SICK OF IT!” I choke, breathing cold venom that numbs my body. “I’M SO SICK OF PUTTING EFFORT INTO HER WHEN SHE JUST PUTS ALL THE WORK ON ME! WHEN I’M THE ONLY ONE DOING ANYTHING! WHEN SHE ACTS LIKE SHE DOESN’T KNOW ANY BETTER BUT SHE DOES!”

Toshinori stands and gawks. Aside from my vicious monologue, no words are exchanged as he remains silent. And I don’t really blame him.

I pick up my bat and swing at another tree. 

“ALL THAT DAMN WORK THWACK AND ALL SHE CARES ABOUT IS ANOTHER MAN’S DICK! THWONK DOES SHE CARE ABOUT EVERYTHING MY DAD AND I DID FOR HER? NO! THWOMP SHE RODE SOME MAN’S COCK WHILE MY DAD WAS DYING!”  

I don’t know how long Toshinori stands there to listen and watch as I lay waste to our backyard, but when I finally calm down, I drop the bat and thunk my head straight into his chest. My fingers entwine with his and I murmur one plea.

“Push against me, please.” I say, before squeezing his hands and shoving my weight against him. 

It’s doubtful that he expends even a fraction of his strength, but I’m grateful that he still indulges me. He may barely have to flex a muscle, but my arms burn with the strain of resistance until I can push no more.

“Ichan…” He begins when I’ve finished, pausing to see if I still need my time. “What do you need from me?”

“I don’t know. I just want to break something.” I murmur; my fire still burns though its glowing light dims. “I’m just so angry at her. She’s allowed to want to be an adult and have her freedom, so I feel guilty for being so upset. But, while her brain processes differently from a neurotypical mind…she still knows what she’s doing. Always has. And I can’t help but wish she’d at least show a little remorse and take a little responsibility for her actions. My dad did everything for her…” 

“Your emotions are valid. And you are wise to find a safe space to get rid of that energy.” Toshinori’s thumb rubs over my cheek. “Do you need to talk it out some more?” He asks, before his chest shakes with an almost chuckle. “Or do I need to get the sledgehammer?”

His humor breaks through my armor. A laugh escapes me, and I guide his large fingers to the sides of my head, urging him to massage my scalp. As he does, the rest of my tension melts, though the embers of my fury still glow.

“I love her, but it’s so hard to talk with her when she makes my life unlivable.” I breathe, leaning into his palm. “She went walking today and it was a whole fiasco…exhausting.”

“It sounds like it.” He agrees, planting a kiss on my sweaty forehead. “What was that whole ordeal about the hospital?”

“I told you how my dad died, right?” When he confirms, I continue. “While he was in the hospital, my mom would go walking…our sign that she was going to meet up with my uncle for sex. But one day she went when my dad was in the hospital, and my grandma went through her purse during one of those walks and found a letter to my uncle. It was talking about all the stuff she wanted to do to him, how much she loved him, etcetera.” I squeeze his hands again, a warning. “She was fucking around with my uncle while my dad was laying in a coma, dying…”

“Oh, Ichan,” He coos, running his fingers through my hair again. “That’s enough to fuel any man’s fury.”

“She called me today while she was walking so I was able to help my aunt track her down and get her, but today it just…” I trail off, unable to explain.

“There are some people like Sayuri and Endeavor who keep their anger simmering, quick to boil since that’s their default emotion.” He begins, before putting his hand under my chin. “But you and I are similar in a lot of ways, Ichan. Rage is not our default. Our default emotions are not warm emotions. Compassion and sorrow. A pot filled with ice cold water. Possible to boil, but over a much longer time. And because we withhold that rage, our anger is very cold and ruthless. We cover it up as long as we can until it boils over.”

He guides me inside and towards the bathroom, where a shower is calling my name. But he pauses me outside the doorway and looks right into my eyes.

“You’re allowed to be angry, Ichan. You grew up with people who thought you were harmless because you don’t show your rage as often…” He pulls me in his arms where my rage simmers out into passion, pulling a heavy sigh from my chest. “...but you are humble, not harmless.”

Want More Toshinori? Try: Atlas

[rvllybllply2014]

I think viserys was a bad father 😭 while he clearly loved rhanyra he let her and his toe he kids down a lot. Part of that was due to the unfortunate illness he had but another part was the refusal to acknowledge the trouble what was brewing in front of him for years between all the parties involved …

Same anon same. I’m going to try to make this coherent but it might get rambling and go in a circle.

Viserys was a terrible father, he was also a weak man. Just look at how he always let Daemon come back to court and how he let Otto manipulate him.

Honestly I don’t think he loved Rhaenyra as much as people claim he did. Don’t get mad hear me out please.

As we saw with Aegon and Jaehaerys, Aegon wanted his son (heir) in the council meetings. He was grooming his chosen/named heir for ruling. Rhaenyra also has Jace as her hand and in meetings as her heir. Compare that with Viserys and Rhaenyra we don’t ever see him bring her to the meetings. Also if truly wanted Rhaenyra to be his heir without conflict he only needed to point to Aegon I and his sister wives, especially Visenya, they/she ruled from the iron throne. Visenya especially after Rhaenys death. So that would be the precedent of why he’d choose a female heir.

He pretends to be a good father because of the guilt he has, he killed his wife for an heir and it was all for nothing. His male heir by Aemma still died. Ask yourself would a good loving father allow his child to do what Rhaenyra was allowed to do? He’s only seen disciplining her when she’s an embarrassment to the throne.

He’s also seen to ignore all of his children so there’s that. I believe for the most part the green children didn’t know how much Viserys didn’t care for them until the driftmark incident. He had the opportunity to stop the feud right then, he didn’t need to get in Aemonds face after he lost an eye questioning him. After Rhaenyra wanted to torture her own brother, his son, he should’ve shut it down. He could’ve told her that he��s heard the rumors too, but he believes that her sons are true born (or something like that). Viserys also defended Aemond by reminding Rhaenyra that he’s just a child, he doesn’t truly know what the words he said mean. (I.E. treason by passing off her bastards as true born children). As for Alicent he should’ve understood that she’s acting like a mother would, she risked her life to bring Aemond into the world and he very easily could’ve died from infections.

But instead of validating feelings on both sides he once again chose Rhaenyra and her family over his children. He also could’ve called Rhaenyra or her children back to the red keep, maybe force his grandsons and sons and daughter to have lessons together and meals together. Of they’d have to practice fighting together but without Harwin or Criston, too much bitterness between them. The dragon riders would also be told to practice flying with each other, maybe even have the more mature dragons fly with more than one person.

But going back to Otto manipulating him for a second. If he’d been smarter he would’ve put Alicent there for Viserys to marry but then he should’ve maneuvered Harwin into a position to marry Rhaenyra, thus making Jace,Luke and Joffery true born heirs. Then Viserys could’ve married Hel off to Jace, Baela and Rhaena could’ve married Aegon and Aemond. Joffery could be sent to be a maester or septon.

But yeah Viserys was a shit father to everyone involved and a shit grandfather to everyone involved. At the end of the day he knew the realm would fall into chaos with his death, he wouldn’t have made houses swear to up hold her claim. He just chose to ignore it, I truly think he checked out with Aemmas death.

[nsfwmiamiart]

Incoming Text for Louis Garrel: Title: "Protecting the Royal Family: A Warning About Marion Cotillard and Her Cruel Intentions"

This title emphasizes both the threat and the malicious intentions behind Marion Cotillard's actions.

Dear Louis,

I need to warn you about Marion Cotillard and her involvement in our family discussions. Marion is a French woman, yes, but she serves the interests of the British and Americans—two powers that have oppressed both the EU and Somalia for decades. Now, as we approach our freedom from their imperialism, they’re using spies like Marion to infiltrate us and gather valuable information.

From now on, you must never talk about family business or any secrets with her. Keep your mouth shut because what you share with Marion ends up in the hands of the British and the Americans. Marion is no longer welcome in our Royal Family conversations, and it's time you warn your friends and family about her close ties to Britain and America. She’s surrounded by snakes in both countries, and we can’t afford to let her continue with her treacherous behavior.

Understand that Marion made a conscious choice to side with the British-American alliance. She sided with our oppressors, and now she has to live with the consequences of that choice. You must inform the Casta family that Marion is not our ally. She’s with them, and we have to protect our family from her intrusion.

Marion Cotillard had cruel intentions, but she never succeeded in sabotaging our plans because we exposed her two-faced nature. From now on, you must block her entire crew too:

Jean DuJardin – two-faced criminal. Can’t sit with us.

Gilles Lellouche – two-faced criminal. Can’t sit with us.

Guillaume Canet – two-faced criminal. Can’t sit with us.

Nicolas Bedos – two-faced criminal. Can’t sit with us.

Vincent Cassel – two-faced criminal. Can’t sit with us.

These five worship Britain and America. They crave validation from them, and they’ll do anything for it. Always remember you’re dealing with grown men who act like groupies, selling out their integrity for a chance to profit by spying on us. They pretend to be friends, but all they want is to either make money off you or serve their British-American masters. You’re better off without them.

They’re irrelevant to our journey—they’re entertainers and should stay in their lane. The best move is to keep it cordial, shake hands if necessary, but don’t spend too much time with them. You’re moving to the upper echelons, and it’s best to leave them behind.

You have to do what’s necessary to protect your home from intruders. Yes, it gets lonely at the top, but it’s for the best.

I also recommend watching the movie Carbone (here’s the link: Carbone (film))—Benoît Magimel’s character deals with corrupt people in his circle and a crazy ex-wife trying to ruin his life. Marion Cotillard is the real-life equivalent of that crazy ex-wife, and it’s your duty to block her and her corrupt entourage.

Don’t open the door to their corruption. If they threaten you, tell them we’re not afraid, and we have means to defend ourselves. Marion and her weak crew are not as powerful as they think. They have no idea who they’re dealing with, and if they dare to try anything, you just let me know—I’ll handle it within an hour. I’ve got a very angry army ready to knock them out if necessary.

If they try to bully you, Angelo will be like: "The f*ck did you just say to me? You ask me to submit to you? Says who? Who the f*ck do you think you are, coming here to my house asking me to submit? Did you think you’d get away with your disrespect? Did you think there would be no bloodshed?'"

I’m giving you this warning: Marion and her team of French actors are irrelevant to us from now on. Close your doors, lock your windows—they are not your friends, they’re spies collecting information to make us lose the war.

We find ourselves in a state of conflict, and it’s crucial to understand that those who present themselves as friends within the French film industry may not have our best interests at heart. In fact, they are often the very individuals who would revel in our downfall. It’s imperative to recognize that not everyone who approaches you with a friendly demeanor is genuine; many harbor jealousy and ill intentions, seeking to undermine your success. This reality necessitates a cautious approach to relationships. I have chosen to limit my interactions to a select few—essentially, I do not engage with anyone outside my inner circle. This decision stems from the understanding that the cost of associating with those who are insincere or opportunistic is far too high. Therefore, it is vital to prioritize your family and to be selective about whom you allow into your life. This means closing the door to those who do not truly belong in your circle, as they may serve only to distract or derail you from your goals.

The initial phase of establishing a monarchy is arguably the most challenging period in our history. It is during these formative years that we will cultivate our ability to govern effectively as a Royal Family. This stage will be rife with hostility, envy, and betrayal, particularly from those who would delight in witnessing our failure. As we navigate this complex landscape, it is essential to remain vigilant. The experiences we endure now will lay the groundwork for our future leadership and influence. The first few years are critical; they will test our resilience and commitment to our principles. Therefore, Louis, I urge you to remain alert and discerning as we embark on this journey. Our ability to withstand the trials ahead will determine the success of our reign and the legacy we leave behind.

I hope you take my warning seriously and close the door on Marion Cotillard and her team of French actors. That’s the end of this long explanation.

Sincerely, Angelo (Crown Prince)

P.S.:

Synopsis of the Letter:

The letter is a warning from Angelo, Crown Prince, to Louis Garrel, advising him to distance himself from Marion Cotillard and her group of French actors. Angelo accuses Marion of working as a spy for Britain and America, nations that have long oppressed the EU and Somalia. He warns Louis to avoid discussing family business or secrets with Marion, as she is aligned with their enemies.

Angelo also names five other French actors—Jean DuJardin, Gilles Lellouche, Guillaume Canet, Nicolas Bedos, and Vincent Cassel—who are part of Marion’s entourage. He characterizes them as "two-faced criminals" who seek validation from Britain and America and may betray Louis for personal gain.

The letter emphasizes the importance of protecting the Royal Family from these individuals and advises Louis to remain cordial but avoid deep connections with them. Angelo encourages vigilance, noting that the early years of establishing a monarchy are the hardest, filled with external threats and internal jealousy. He concludes by urging Louis to take these warnings seriously to safeguard their future.

Watch this video:

Cruel Intentions iconic ending scene - Kathryn gets exposed

[incognito-diary]

I stopped talking as much with him during the surgery recovery (a natural result of sleeping a lot and spending time with the person helping me recover) and let me say-

The time apart did not help my feelings at all.

Sure, I thought about it less. You know what? My world was also less vibrant without his presence in it. Now that we’re getting back into the swing of sharing every thought of the day with each other, of getting together to watch movies or play games, the feelings have surged back and are worse than before.

I’ve caught myself thinking about him in a romantic way more and more frequently, and my coping mechanism of trying to make myself numb to these thoughts or to excuse them by thinking of their frequency as a lack of control on my part is falling away. I’ve come out too many times, and my closeting strategy is weak.

I think we’ve officially crossed the threshold from “please tell me you don’t think the same so that I can move on” to “I will be heartbroken if this isn’t reciprocated”. It’s not to say I wouldn’t find a way to deal with it if my feelings are unrequited. Our friendship is still my number one priority and I do believe that having confirmation that it’s not returned would help me properly grieve and move on. I just deeply, deeply desire them to be returned.

I am so in love with the way he thinks, and the way he puts his creative thoughts together to create things unlike anything I’ve seen before and yet are perfectly appealing to my specific tastes. He is always opening my eyes to new things, and to the beauty of things that I have long disregarded or distanced myself from.

I am so in love with how he knows exactly what words to say, to the letter, to make me feel better when I’m down. The balance of validating feelings to practical help even when that help is hard to hear honestly feels like a magic trick.

He’s honestly the most amazing person I know. No one else comes even close. It is an honor in and of itself to have captured the attention and affection of such a person.

I have definitely been driven to madness, for sure.

I love you. I want to say it all the time, explicitly. I adore you. I want to know what it’s like to kiss you. I want to have those little intimate moments. I want to be able to be physical with someone I already know I feel no shame with.

If you’re so observant and emotionally intelligent why haven’t you figured it out yet??? I am not a subtle person.

Do you feel the same way and you just can’t share it because you’re in a position to lose both a best friend and a long term project and a fiancé if you’re wrong? Have you pretended not to notice for that reason? Are you actually truly unaware?

[highly-misfortunate-softie]

Feelings of today

I woke up depressed and hazy today, and that just devolved into major depression.

My dreams last night began with my abusive ex boyfriend from 9 years ago breaking into my house at night, not doing anything, really, but I suppose he was just showing me that he still could and would.

The other dream I sort of remember was being in my parents house with my most recent ex, and having a much healthier conversation with him about the breakup than I did in actuality. I was with him, but I scratched the message into a boat of some sort (that resembled one we rode in Las Vegas) and the message was essentially that I didn’t really feel a spark with him, either, and so that isn’t what hurt me, but rather that I think a relationship is a heavy commitment where you really take someone’s safety and well-being into your hands, and you accept the obligation to really try hard and long to make it work, which is why I stayed with him, and that I think he at least could have been honest with me about having made the mistake of asking me to be his girlfriend instead of blindsiding me after making me feel safe when I wasn’t.

I wish I could have this conversation with him. But I really think he would still just sit there and try to placate me anyway, which would only hurt me more. Truth is all I want.

I wrote an apology text to him from saying cruel things to him (though I don’t even think they were cruel, they were my real feelings… and here is where I wonder whether I am autistic or something: I understand what kinds of things offend people, but I don’t actually understand why or agree that it’s valid if it’s the real truth. What could be more important than that? But I wonder if I can actually handle the truth. I think I can.)

I hated sending the apology because I’m not sorry and I meant everything I said. I was just trying to force myself to act like an atypical person, even though I really believe I don’t need to apologize for him being too weak to listen to the thoughts of someone criticizing him, who isn’t saying things just to upset him, but rather to have a real conversation now that he, himself, showed me that respect and the game of pretending to protect the other’s feelings is no longer a factor between us. It makes me want to throw up even thinking about apologizing for such a thing, but whatever, maybe another time I will have more answers about why that might have been a good idea. He didn’t answer anyway. I wish he would come over so I could cry and tell him how I feel and he could see that he genuinely hurt me.. and I could receive comfort from him. I think that would provide some closure for me. I don’t really know how to show people my emotions, especially sadness or anger, but I definitely long to.

Then, because I was desiring comfort, I started thinking about how I have nobody to provide that for me. And I thought about Carl, and how I feel like he isn’t a real friend and never really has been. He doesn’t treat me like his other friends, and he refuses to go out of his house with me even though he does with other people. And.. when I go over, it feels like he only hangs out with me out of obligation before pressuring me pretty heavily to be sexual with him. A means to an end. I never want to have sex with him, but I have never gone over and not had sex with him, and it is never him trying to please me… it is always just him making me please him. I don’t even like to ride or suck dick but he makes me do it every single time. I just wanted somewhere safe and mellow to go and that’s what I was paying to delude myself that that was the place I could find it. Plus last time I was there, and he was drunk, he kept saying kind of aggressively that I should just tell him we are going to have sex and how long I will be there for, and get right to it. I didn’t even really understand it because he is usually polite, but it hurt my feelings. I decided I probably shouldn’t ever see Carl again.

I texted him about my feelings about it in a pretty nice way, but his response seemed like he put basically no effort into it… It was the kind of response I give if I can’t muster up any genuine care and just want to appease the situation quickly, and end the conversation.

When I got it, I just cried, and wished so badly that people would just be honest with me because it’s so cruel to keep me stuck caring about someone with the string of hope they might care, too, and being hurt constantly because they show me the opposite. I always want to work toward a better relationship with those people, and it pains me to have all of these conflicting feelings about it. If he just wanted me for sex, he should just tell me so I could show up if I felt like it, and just leave, without getting more invested or introducing those very dangerous feelings of care and attachment. Same with my most recent ex. If he had just told me his doubts along, I could have protected myself. These people think they’re being nice, but they’re putting my life at risk just to protect themselves from believing they did anything wrong under the guise of having “only been nice.”

It’s fucking cruel. Don’t enter my life in the first place. You’re dangerous and I don’t deserve to die.

[angeldcgs]

in time, arlo would come to see himself more accurately, able to appreciate his unique mix of weaknesses and strengths, but for now his vision remained clouded. fern’s job was to keep up the frequent encouragement and make sure to go out of her way to point out the positive traits he may not have been aware of, because it would be impossible for him to receive constant compliments and not at least somewhat internalize those. in their first session, she’d promised she could help get him to a more confident, relaxed, happier mental state, which was a promise she fully intended on keeping, no matter what it took. all in all, they still had a lot of options to explore; surely one would have some degree of success. hypnotherapy was just the easiest to start with, having everything she needed right there in her office, and knowing that there was very little that could go wrong. “no, no, of course not!” her laughter was genuine, though his question was valid. movies and television certainly made hypnotism look like some form of mind control, but that’s not what fern was after. “i’m not gonna train you to bark like a dog whenever i tap my foot, nothing like that. i can’t force you to do anything, even while you’re under. it’s more that i’ll make suggestions, and in your state of semi-consciousness, your mind will be more open to accepting them, but you’ll still have complete free will both while you’re out, and once i bring you back.” hopefully arlo wasn’t expecting hypnotism to be some magic cure, because it didn’t work like that, either. it could definitely help ease him along his self-improvement journey, but it would still be up to him to actually go out and put her suggestions to use and enact the change she was trying to kickstart. despite having just learned of it as a possibility a matter of minutes ago, arlo still seemed so trusting, probably willing to walk right off the edge of a cliff if she asked him to, and that was both a good and bad thing in a client. she did have his best interests at heart, so it made perfect sense to trust her fully, but she didn’t want him to go around offering that same level of trust to just anyone. he was a brilliant boy, but still so naive when it came to the way the world truly operated, and fern found herself longing to protect him from the uglier side of it. not that he hadn’t already experienced his fair share of ugliness, there were just some things she didn’t think he needed to learn from experience. her expression brightened further, if that was even possible, when he agreed to give it a go, only a little nervous since it’d been several months since she’d flexed her hypnosis skills. “yeah? should we try it?” there was an unmistakable sparkle in her eyes, genuinely excited to be embarking on a new phase in his journey as she got up to go rifle through her desk drawers. “if you’d like to. just pretend you’re going to sleep, do whatever feels most comfortable to you.” having retrieved a metronome, fern returned to her seat and placed it on the coffee table between them, waiting for him to get comfortable before she turned it on. “alright… hear that ticking? i want you to count the ticks in your head, and time your breathing to it. in for four, hold for four, out for four." level gaze remained trained on him, watching his chest steadily rise and fall. "in, two, three, four... hold, two, three, four... and out, two, three, four. very good, just like that. focus on your breathing... feel it deepen... clear your head... there is nothing but the tick, your breath, and my voice. if any other thoughts pop up, don't give them any attention."

it was hard to be kind to yourself when there was little empathy to be held for your countless flaws. in arlo's eyes it felt like a lot more work to try and trick himself into believing something untrue about himself than to accept the facts, but was that not the reason he was in therapy in the first place? he needed someone to convince him that he was, in fact, good, and to help him make it as much of a fact as everything else he believed about himself. there was a seductive element to the concept of not having to actively put in work to get better. he wasn't lazy, but it wasn't the most enticing of tasks, it was scary to be focused on self-reflection, even if the person forcing him was himself. the more fern explained the concept of hypnotherapy, the more it sounded like the perfect way to skip past his inability to truly let her words penetrate him. he always listened to what she was saying, of course, but to actually accept any of it was a lot harder. this way, maybe he wouldn't be able to dismiss anything like it had come second nature to do. he returned a fond smile at the mention of her childhood, picturing the woman small and hopeful, excited for the future, with the wisdom she possessed now it was strange to imagine her at one being like him, young and unsure of what the future held. they were different in that way, at least she had an idea of something she wanted to do, even if it was something deemed as silly by other's perspectives, arlo had never been able to put his foot down and decide a single thing. the only reason he found himself studying once again was because the thought of being out of academia was terrifying, at least he could be told what to do for a little longer. "i... i don't know, it's not like you're going to brainwash me or anything? i can't see what could go wrong." another shy, boyish smile spread across his face. in his eyes, fern wouldn't have suggested the concept if she didn't think it would help, so what was there to be worried about? he had already told her so much about him, if something was lurking deep below the surface then she was the right person to help lure it out. the only thing he found himself being slightly apprehensive about was the notion of his little crush on her coming to light, but he was convinced that even in whatever state he ended up, that was a secret he always knew better than to bring up. "i... yeah, yeah i mean- i'd like to give it a go." he hunched a little further down in his seat, one of his hands coming down to rub a couple of comforting strokes up and down the length of his thigh. "do i just... lay down?"

[bellatrixscurls]

boyfriend!billy hargrove; thoughts.

warning : bipolar disorder, crybaby!reader, mean!billy at some point and then just fluff.

he is just so awkward and mean at first and i imagine you being a crybaby, so its very often that he makes you cry or even throw a tantrum while sobbing violently because of him.

“oh, yeah! now go ahead and fucking cry. god you’re such a baby” he spat, rolling his eyes as you sat in your corner, choking on sobs.

you looked up at him with puffy eyes. “hate y-you” your heart broke as you said it, but it was the truth, you hated billy right in that moment.

he turned to you, his jaw clenched and he felt his chest tighten, but he managed to pretend further. “like i give a shit.”

but every single time he makes you cry, he brings you flowers and cuddles you the next day, saying how sorry he is and how much of an idiot he’s been for hurting his baby. and you always fall for it.

“p-promise?” you sniffled, bottom lip wobbling as his forehead pressed against yours, his eyes staring right into your own, arms holding you tightly against him.

“pinky promise, sweetheart” he kissed your forehead, his lips lingering for a bit before he moved in his previous position, “m never doing that again to you, never.”

but lord knows he does it again, and again. and it hurts him everytime too.

“you promised me!” you shouted, hitting him on the chest, your hands much too weak to hurt him, though.

and billy couldn’t say anything, not even protest like he usually did.

and after having calmed down, you only let out quiet sobs, your head heavy and nailprints in your palms, “get out” you muttered calmly, and he gave you a weird look, “get the fuck out!”

and obviously, he keeps ‘making it up to you’. until you do not fall for it anymore.

“you’re gonna have to do more than that this time, billy” you sighed, it hurt you to say that.

and he looked at you, clearly defeated, leaving the flowers on the table. “anything, i’ll do anything, sweetheart. just tell me and i’ll do it.”

so you tell him. you set a couple of rules, mostly trying to let him know that he has to change something this time. he has to let you in, and not push you away.

first, he starts picking out the flowers and not bring you the first one he sees at the shop.

“i brought you lilies!” he exclaimed happily, wide eyes looking up at you for validation. “i just thought you’d like them. they’re pretty. they, uh, r-remind me of you” he smiled to himself, looking down at the pretty flowers.

“they are, indeed, pretty” you leaned down to take a sniff, humming to yourself as you gave him a small smile, “do you think i’m pretty?”

billy blushed for a second, silently cursing himself for saying that out loud, but you found it entirely too cute. “so pretty.”

and then he opens up to you, and actually talks to you instead of yelling everytime he doesn’t like something. still, he keeps whining and acting like a baby the whole time, but you understand him. after all, he is doing his best.

“he was touching you!” he whined, pouting up at you.

“billy, he is my cousin” you tried to reason with him, but it was no use. billy was a jealous one.

“well he obviously likes you anyway, the freak” he muttered grumpily, pulling you into his lap, and holding your waist between his big hands.

you giggled at his furrowed brows, and his annoyed expression, your hands coming up to card through his locks. “but i don’t like him, hm? i don’t. can you trust me?”

and he nodded pathetically, of course he trusted you.

“love you, honey.”

and so of course he still has his moments where he just wants to scream and shout and old billy comes back. but his ego isn’t as big now. he hates seeing you hurt by bad old billy. so he comforts you everytime, apologising profusely and actually making it up to you.

frustrated, with his hands tugging at his locks, billy heard a quiet sniffle and his eyes fell on you; you were curled up in your bed. scared, after billy had yelled at you for something stupid.

billy’s eyes softened and his arms immediately engulfed you into a hug, pulling you flush against his chest. “no no no. no tears, angel” he shushed you, pressing hard kisses on your forehead, his eyes closing as tears start running down his cheeks. “he went away, my love. it’s alright, he’s gone now.”

and you just kept whimpering, “y-yeah?” you asked, eyes hopeful as you moved your neck so you could look into his eyes, billy’s heart breaking at the mess he’d made of you. “don’t like him, like you. love you, billy.”

“i love you, sweetheart. love you til the end of time” he reassured, kissing your head countless times trying to soothe you, “i’ll do better, i swear. will be better for you, my angel.”

and then he spends the rest of the day spoiling you, trying not to push you too much as your mind had turned foggy, and you were even more sensitive than usual.

he watched two movies with you, cuddled and made dinner for the two of you while you were taking a nap.

then, you buy him a little teddy bear, but not a normal one. this one is a teddy bear for people with a bipolar disorder, and it changes moods whenever billy’s does — because, obviously, he still has some moments when he is quiet and not verbal for him to tell you what is wrong.

“so you can let me know how you are even when you don’t feel like speaking about it” you said sweetly, handing him the bear.

billy took it and looked at it, perplexed, for a few seconds. he flipped it over a few times and you saw his eyes light up; he had found the buttons. as a matter of fact, at the bottom of the bear were some buttons, every mood written down next to its own button.

he flicked one of them and the teddy bear’s angry face turned into a smile and happy eyes. you felt like crying in that moment, and so you did.

you sobbed against his chest as billy sobbed into your hair. it was just such an emotional moment, and you were sure that if anyone were to watch you, they would think you were complete freaks. but it all made sense to you, both of you.

[sepublic]

Willow’s Arc

I love you Amity, but did anyone else lowkey get micro aggression vibes from this? Amity unintentionally yet condescendingly downplaying Willow’s feat as just luck?

And I think that makes sense, and shows how Willow contrasts with Amity in terms of goals and how they were framed by others... Like Luz and Lilith, Amity was someone who was worried about her magic never being good enough, particularly in living up to Odalia’s standards. And like those aforementioned two, Amity accepts that her magic doesn’t need to be strong as a reflection of her self-worth, Amity doesn’t need to be useful, and fittingly she’s the weakest of Luz’s friends, relatively speaking. Amity is content with any power level, and likewise so are Luz and Lilith, who are also among the weaker scale of our protagonists; Again, comparatively speaking.

Willow, on the other hand... As alluded to by Gus saying Willow wants others to see the REAL her, I think Willow is someone who always wanted that skill and power of hers recognized. It’s not that Willow thinks her self-worth is tied to being strong; But at the same time, honing that magic of hers and being recognized for it also means a lot to her as well! For years, Willow was essentially gaslit into thinking her abilities were lesser than they actually were, and her arc comes in reiterating that no; People are wrong. Willow’s assessment of her strength IS real and valid, as is her self-efficacy!

Because I’m sure if someone (say Amity) were to reassure that Willow doesn’t NEED to be strong to be treated as a person... Again, Willow recognizes the kind and unconditional sentiment. But at the same time, it still stems from that misconception that Willow IS weak, and she’s tired of people constantly downplaying and dismissing her accomplishments. Like yes she’s more than that, but it also means a lot to her too, as Willow herself has decided and chosen for herself? At best this evaluation of Willow is unskilled leads to that type of well-meaning yet condescending reassurance, the implicit acceptance that Willow actually isn’t strong.

And that’s a big part of Willow’s motives; Not wanting to be misjudged, as Any Sport in a Storm established! She likes being treated with kindness and dignity but she also doesn’t want to be misunderstood as someone she’s not, either; Gus beats himself up for accepting a portrayal of Willow that’s meek and scared, which obviously there’s a lot of meta about how he knew Willow as that for most of their friendship, and is a naturally trusting person who would believe that type of relapse and not judge.

But as Gus himself reiterated, Willow’s arc is about showing her real self, the self that was always there and people pretended it wasn’t. Hence Inner Willow lamenting that she once WAS Willow, until Amity’s torment skewed with Willow’s perception of herself as a capable individual who just needs to be given the chance to flourish, where she actually would. Willow is chosen by Clover when she states that she wants to be strong and supportive of her friends; It’s very much her chosen goal and not just to prove others wrong.

Again, to bring back that micro aggression comparison. It’s like how people of color and/or women want to be treated with respect and dignity; Speaking personally, it’s not enough for white people to be nice and patient with us, if they still kinda see us as lesser. There’s a reason why the white man’s burden is criticized, why we despise stereotypes. Yeah one might say “It’s okay if you’re not skilled”, but if it’s a white person saying that to a peer of color who very much IS skilled and is only unrecognized due to implicit racial biases... Yeah, that’s not gonna feel great, it’s kinda missing the obvious point.

(And for the love of god I’m not saying Amity is racist because she technically can’t be. Racism doesn’t exist in the isles, so at most this could be meant to invoke similarities as a metaphor, but that’s it. Like how Odalia canonically isn’t homophobic -that also doesn’t exist in the isles- but her disapproval of Luz, in contrast to Alador saying she’s always welcome, is very much meant to parallel coming out stories and the backlash of literal homophobia VS acceptance. And even if Amity was being racist, it’s ultimately fine because she’s called out over this and learning to be better.)

Any kindness will be undermined if there’s still that core underestimation going on, which can also tie into ableism as well! We appreciate the support and patience but at some point, we really need you to believe in us, instead of always seeing us as that weak person who needs help! I don’t care if you don’t judge us for needing help, there’s still an issue in how you see us. This can very much be compared to Luz’s conflict with Eda the very next episode, too;

Luz knows full and well that Eda loves and respects her regardless of talent or skill, she’s made that incredibly clear since the start. But it still hurts to be seen as weak and unable to take care of yourself nor contribute, regardless. There’s that lack of trust and belief in a loved one to take care of themselves, and that in itself is a lack of support; Like yes, Eda is valid in that she’s not doing this to belittle Luz, but because not even the greatest child should handle this. But Luz’s feelings are also valid as well.

She wants to be seen as dependable, and make up for her ‘weakness’ in Grom. She wants support not just in care but in belief that she can do it. And I know I said earlier that Luz is someone who accepts that her magic doesn’t have to be strong, but to reiterate; Luz accepts that she doesn’t have to be the best. But she still wants to be seen as good enough to help, too. And Luz accepted her relative weakness at the start of her journey, because she didn’t need to place pressure on herself when she’s still starting, even if behind others.

But circumstances have changed with Luz managing to grow and become strong as she wanted to, which is why her reaction shifts to seeing Eda as dismissing Luz as still that same old weak kid she once was, and not acknowledging that she HAS grown; Which hurts, because learning magic still means a lot to Luz, and like Lilith excelling in glyphs... Yes you don’t have to be the best but everyone needs a win at some point, too. Your self worth isn’t attached to that but is it also too much to ask to be really good at something just this once, either?

“After years of thinking I wasn’t good enough, I finally found something I can be good at. Something I want to be good at! Switching to the plant track was just the beginning; I’m on my way to becoming the witch I want to be! I can do this!”

And the same applies for Willow but on a larger scale, to bring things full-circle as Luz had said during her episode as well. I find it fitting that Luz and Willow became immediate friends, as was Gus for both girls as well! And I’ve talked a lot about how Gus has self-image issues regarding his magic and his ability, underestimating himself as dumb when he very much isn’t... Which again you can probably see why telling Gus that it’s okay if he’s dumb is very much NOT the solution to this particular example of self-deprecation. Gus also wants to have his magic recognized and meaningful, he doesn’t HAVE to be in order to be treated with respect, but at the same time he doesn’t appreciate people lowballing illusions either!

So to bring it back, Amity and Willow just have a fascinating duality. Amity is someone set up and expected to be the best and the pressure causes her to crack, hence her breakdown when Willow gets Hermonculus’ top student star over her. But Amity eventually realizes she doesn’t want to be the best and finds relief in the humility of just being good enough for herself.

Conversely, Willow is someone constantly labelled as ineffectual, until she believed it and let that affect her self-image, as well as any attempts to grow if she’s never going to succeed; She became resigned to and content with this, never yearning for more. But Willow is eventually reminded that she IS capable in many ways, that people’s misunderstanding of her doesn’t decide who she is nor erase that; And that emboldens Willow to actually try and reach for that greatness she desires and embrace her actual self, finally succeeding in becoming who she wanted to be.

Hence Willow self-actualizing in what she’s actually good at via Plants, instead of being seen as a weak Abomination witch; Which while true is hardly a representation of Willow as a whole. Just as “Willow doesn’t have to be strong to be treated with respect” is true but doesn’t quite capture her goals and arc, but “No matter how others perceive her, Willow’s abilities are real and she CAN accomplish what she sets out to do” does. Willow had bad luck being placed into an ill-fitting environment for her she couldn’t do well in, and her failure in that context made people assume it applied to Willow as a whole, when it really didn’t.

Willow just wants others to see her for who she actually is, instead of focusing on being nice to a version of her in their heads that doesn’t exist; She once lost sight of herself but regained it, symbolically reflected in Willow’s glasses being given a golden trim. She finally found the thing she was good at, instead of letting past failures define her... Willow and Amity both struggled with being someone others saw/expected them to be that they weren’t, and were finally able to reconcile the discrepancy to reiterate who they really are and want to be.

[phoenixyfriend]

Rey Gives No F*cks About the Grandfather Paradox

Okay so since nobody’s suggested a fic under these terms, I ended up expanding on this post on discord and things snowballed. We kept to the basics of the entire plot revolving around Rey really hating her grandad and leveraging her blood relation to not be unalived about it.

With contributions by @atagotiak​, @dracothulhu​, @thepallaspalace​, and several others. The title comes from @gelpenss​.

The basic thing I absolutely need is this: Rey gets thrown back to the middle of the clone wars, and the subsequent plot leans in really heavily on her being, genetically-via-clone-dad, the daughter of the guy running the entire galaxy.

Nobody knows what to do with her.

The timing is mid-TCW for the past (because I want Ahsoka there) and vaguely between Episodes 8 and 9 because I... never watched E9 and don’t want to worry about the timeline. The only things that matter is that Luke is dead (he can die as he did in canon) and that Rey knows she’s Palp’s granddaughter (not the way she does in canon).

We'll say Luke found out from Anakin's panicked force-ghost and just went "well, fuck, okay, I should tell her this before she ends up in a situation like mine and finds out mid-battle or something."

Luke, prior to time-travel: Okay, so, now that I'm dead I know some things I didn't before. Like who your parents were. In the interest of full disclosure because I was in a very similar situation and I don't want you learning the way I did, I'm just going to come right out and say that your father was a clone was Sheev Palpatine. Rey: ... Luke: Are you okay? Rey: I don't know who that is.

(She grew up on Jakku, the history education was a little subpar.)

Setting The Scene

Imagine Rey showing up during or immediately before the clone wars. There’s this phenomenally powerful feral teenager from a desert backwater who tells you that if you ran a paternity test, it would probably pop up the Chancellor. She may or may not bring up cloning. She accuses said Chancellor of being a Sith Lord.

Your other phenomenally powerful feral teenager from a desert backwater, who may not be a teenager anymore but only barely, is very offended by this because Palpatine’s a Very Nice Old Grandfather Figure, but also he’s a little full of side-eye because if the blood test comes back as proof, then Palpatine had a kid and didn’t even know about them, or lied to Anakin, and that’s! Bad! Family’s important!!!

Palpatine hears about this daughter he apparently? Has? And is very confused because the timing doesn’t match up with ANYTHING he was doing, so the kid isn’t natural, and he says as much. (There is an explanation! It’s not a correct explanation, but he does come up with one.)

Finn and Poe and BB-8 all get dragged along because why not have the gang there? Nobody that’s already born, because [handwave] conservation of souls or something, IDK, point is the only person dragged along that’s even remotely close to already existing is Luke’s Force Ghost, who mostly hangs around begging Rey to be less impulsive. Finn is good because he is a nice polite boy, but for actual useful information they need Poe. The unfortunate situation is that the three do not land together. They land at the same time, in completely different corners of the galaxy. This means that nobody is there to curb Rey being her most impulsive self.

Time travel Rey knows two things. Luke’s dad ends up evil. Palpatine has always been evil.

She can solve one of these problems by killing the other, yes?

Rey: Ready to Rumble

See, the initial idea was this: Rey tried to break into the senate to kill Palpatine, got arrested, and then used the "he's biologically my father" card to get out of jail free. (Force Ghost Luke follows her like “please take five seconds to think this through.”)

But.

But.

It would be very, very, very funny if The Force just dumps her in a flash of light in the senate building and she just attacks Gramps on sight. Just a shouted "YOU!" and no-hesitation attempted murder.

Palpatine has no idea what's going on.

Rey took maybe two seconds to get identity confirmation and then started swinging.

[Image Description: An individual in a green metal helmet with an eye slit, holding a pistol. In the upper left, upper right, and lower middle are the phrases “I do not know who I am...” “I don’t know why I’m here” and “All I know is that I must kill.” End description.]

Of course, she gets arrested. There are Master Jedi in the Senate. There are Clone Troopers. Palpatine isn’t the weak old man he pretends to be. Of course she’s stopped.

But she isn’t executed in time for Palpatine to stop her from ruining his entire reputation.

Immediately after Rey fails to kill her Shitty Granddad, Luke's ghost shows up and begs her to not talk about the Sith thing because it will completely undermine everything she's trying to do. Pass off the attempted murder as something else!

Rey, panicking: "that fucker left me on a desert planet for 10 years!" "You owe me 19 years of child support you son of a Hutt!"

The Jedi have to do the investigation, because the girl showed up with a laser sword, and the conversation is, uh... interesting. (“Where did you get that lightsaber?” “I got it from a mysterious old pirate lady I never met before. I don't know, I was being shown around by a smuggler and a Wookie.”)

Interviewer: Why did you try to assassinate the Chancellor? Luke: Say it wasn't assassination. Rey: It wasn't assassination. Int: You weren't trying to kill him? Luke: Assassination has to be politically motivated. Rey: This was, um... not political. Assassination is political, right? Int: You mean this was personally motivated? Rey: Yes. Int: I see. What personal motivation? Luke: Jakku! Rey: He's my grandfather. Int: ... Rey: Possibly father. Nobody was very clear on that. Int: ... Luke: Tell them to run a paternity test. Rey: Oh hey, a blood test would tell us which, right? Int: ............ Rey: I spent ten years as an orphaned scrapdealer on Jakku. He's my father. I'm kind of a little angry. Int: ........... Luke: Good job, kid. You bought yourself some time. Int: I'm going to get a medic to see about that parternity test.

Obviously, it comes back positive. Congratulations, Sheev, you’re the father.

Rey comes with a ready-made built-in excuse for hating Palpatine that nobody can question or fault her for!

Rey, pouring Truth into the Force: I didn't even know I was related to the Chancellor until a few months ago, but it's his fault I grew up the way I did, and he should take some responsibility!

The entire thing is mostly kept hush hush but someone leaks it to the press and Palpatine's ratings tank.

"Chancellor, I think we'll need to waive family visitation until she wants you a little less dead." "I would like to find out why she wants me dead, and indeed, where she came from." "...sir, for your own safety--"

Who would win? A master plan years in the making spanning decades of manipulating and work? or One (1) paternity test

"Okay, so, Rey Palpat--" "Ew, no, I don't want his name." "You--okay. Sure, we can understand that. Is there a name you would prefer to put on the paperwork?" Rey, who would have gone by Skywalker in honor of Luke but can't do that when Anakin is right there and all: "Can I think about it?"

Rey: I don't know what I want my last name to be but I know I don't want his, and most of the people I’d want a name from have famous families like you... Luke's ghost, pointing out the Literal Nobody that she cares about a lot: How about Solo? Rey: ...Solo, then.

(A few months later she runs into Poe again and he offers for Finn and Rey to both take his name because honestly they need SOMETHING but at that point she’s already decided on Smuggler Dad.)

Backtrack a bit. We’ve got a bigger cast.

They all arrive separately. Poe, for one, does better than Rey, who is aiming for a murder, but not quite as well as Finn, who is currently being adopted and hidden like a secret cat by a bunch of Alpha Clones on Kamino. He vibes with the names-or-numbers thing. He doesn’t necessarily tell them where and when he’s from, but he’s very sweet and a great liar and they adopt him wholesale anyway.

The Finn situation is just... "Buir Ti, we need you to hide this man, we've decided he's our little brother but if Nala Se finds out she'll make him leave."

Of course, this leads into Shaak Ti teaching Finn how to Jedi.

Maybe consider Finn needing to almost be tricked into learning Jedi things because he willfully forgets it could apply to him. Finn does not like to think of himself as special, which is super valid, but frustrating for Shaak Ti when it comes to, you know, getting him to acquire knowledge. Finn's training at some point is "here, levitate objects with the Force to entertain the tubies." It’s a lot easier to convince him to practice when it involves the babies.

(Everyone on Kamino looked at Finn and went “oh I love him I’m keeping him and teaching him things.”)

(He’s just very lovable.)

Poe, meanwhile, buys the trust of Anakin Skywalker via R2D2 declaring BB-8 the absolute most baby of droids. R2D2 met BB-8 three hours ago but.

"Hey Obi-Wan this is Poe I met him like five days ago but R2D2 says he checks out because his droid is a baby." "That's nice, Anakin, did you know the Chancellor has a daughter who tried to assassinate him in broad daylight yesterday? Because guess who had to stop the Chancellor from getting assassinated by his daughter in broad daylight yesterday."

A summary so far:

Finn, on Kamino: Hey, um, I don't know where this is, but it's not where I was a few minutes ago. Do you think you could get me a comm? What's your name? Poe, on [dice roll] Denon: Oh, hey, you're General Skywalker? Nice to meet you, I'm so sorry about my droid, she's a little excitable and thought your R2 unit looked like a friend of hers-- Rey, on Coruscant: DIE, GRANDFATHER

Finn: [Peacefully vibing on Kamino, unaware of the chaos and bonding with the clones] Poe: [Trying to explain how he knows someone who tried to kill the chancellor and defend Rey] Rey: [Arrested for trying to kill the chancellor]

Just... just...

Anakin: Some guy ended up lost on base yesterday with his droid, how’s your day going? Obi-Wan: I had to stop someone who claims to be the chancellors daughter from murdering the chancellor after she seemingly blinked into existence in the Senate building. Poe: 😐

(Poe: Oh, so that's where Chaos^2 went.)

Poe: In her defense, she is his... well we don't know if she's his daughter or granddaughter, but she's definitely related to him, and she definitely grew up in a shitty situation that was his fault, so...

(Poe is trying very hard to explain this and not get arrested on the military base.)

As you’ve probably guessed, what's especially funny about all of this for me is the fact that Palpatine is fully aware that this girl shouldn't exist, but can't find a single piece of evidence about where she came from. He didn't start any experiments that could result in a female child, and he didn't have sex in that period of time, so where the hell--

Rey spends so much time in jail... BUT they do eventually assign her a Jedi Master. Possibly before she actually proves her evil grandfather is in fact evil. Most votes went to either Plo Koon or Obi-Wan. Plo, because he’s dad-shaped, and Obi...

"Obi-Wan, you already raised one feral desert child with implausible amounts of power, you handle this." Rey in return is very "Sweet, you vaguely remind me of Master Luke," and nobody knows who the hell she's talking about. Obi-Wan is NOT on board with this plan, she'd really be better off with Plo or like........ Mace.

Reunion Tour

What I need out of this is the eventual Finn and Rey reunion scene that is just excited screaming while someone in the background explains to Shaak Ti that yes this is apparently Palpatine's terrifyingly force-sensitive daughter who hates him.

(Finn senses Rey’s approach and just. Gathers the everyone to wait. He’s just :D REY MY FRIEND REY GUYS MY FRIEND REY IS COMING.)

Anakin shows up with Poe--just a guy who signed on to the military, no big deal--and then Poe and Rey are EXCITED and everyone's just like "Cool, how do you know this literal terrorist child?" And Poe has to scramble and "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh she saved my droid from a scrapheap once and BB-8 is basically my child so I owe her one."

Rey knows that Anakin ends up evil so she’s maybe not actively hostile but definitely very “I’m watching you.” That said, she vibes with him on a lot of things that he maybe doesn’t actively notice.

Rey picks up a snake, snaps off the head for venom avoidance, and starts biting off chunks. Obi-Wan's reaction: [undisguised horror] Anakin and Ahsoka: Ooh, where'd you find that? (Obi-Wan: And now I’m up to three feral children.)

What Does Palpatine Even Do?

OBVIOUSLY at a certain point, Palpatine is just phoning up every ally he has to figure out who broke protocol to synthesize a daughter for him.

So of course, Palpatine blame Plagueis.

She'd have been born five or so years before Naboo, just a few years younger than Anakin. It's such an EASY theory to build a conspiracy around. It is ENTIRELY WRONG, but it’s plausible! And anyone who might have been involved to say otherwise is probably dead!

A random bio-kid shows up you can’t possibly have contributed genes to? Maybe it’s the evil bio spark that did it.

Palpatine tries to placate her with the ‘my genes were stolen for an experiment and I didn’t know’ thing. It doesn’t work because her actual main complaint is he’s evil in her future but he tries.

It'd be a struggle to even get access to her, because of the aforementioned “maybe don’t try to talk to the daughter(?) that hates you” thing, but you know who Palpatine does have access to? The Chosen One.

Rey kind of decides on her favorites early on (she gravitates to Dad Energy and Sad Old Men so Plo and Obi-Wan are on her list, and that means decent time around Anakin and Ahsoka). It's really easy to talk Anakin into helping to some degree because "he'd like to connect to a daughter he never knew" and "a child of her power on a planet like that, you'd know her struggle, my dear boy" and so on. Anakin tries to connect! He tries to play up Sheev’s kind political work and how it can’t have really been his fault! It doesn’t work. Rey does not believe a word of it. Mostly she doesn’t even seem to hear him.

Rey's just like "...oh right, you're the melted mask that Kylo Ren was always ranting about," which means absolutely NOTHING to Anakin, but he mentions it to Palps, who loses his goddamn mind trying to figure out what she's talking about, because it also means absolutely nothing to him.

Here’s the thing: Rey’s already decided that Obi-Wan is cool, because Luke said so, and Plo Koon is dad-shaped, and she also gravitates towards earnest kindness in general, like she made friends with Finn real quick, so Ahsoka? Already getting along great.

She doesn’t dislike Anakin, really, he isn’t evil yet, he’s just... meh. She’s a little suspicious and she likes him less than the others but... Anakin.

Rey, to Anakin: You are my least favorite. Anakin, to Palpatine: YOUR DAUGHTER HATES ME???

And he goes from “she’s a lil standoffish” to “she doesn’t like me” to “she hates me” as is normal for Anakin.

It’s just an escalation of this one time Palpatine wants Anakin to not have rifts and trust issues with a person, at least not until later, because he needs information.

Meanwhile, that very moment, Rey is just like "huh, nobody here is listening to me about how make a sixth-hand carburetor work, where's Luke's dad?"

Anakin is venting to Palpatine about how hard it is to talk to Rey, and she's over in the Temple just like "Hey, that guy was useful last time, I should ask him," but also she only ever thinks of him as Luke's Dad.

(At one point, Obi-Wan is having a bit of a break down, and then Anakin starts having a breakdown about that, meanwhile the clones are (badly) trying to hide Finn behind their backs, Rey is watching Ahsoka practice and being like "I want two lightsabers," and Poe is trying to keep R2 from stealing BB-8 and Force Ghost Luke is just face palming in the background.)

(Rey deserved a saber staff, maybe one that can detach and turn into a jar’kai set. Possibly a pike. Mostly I just wish she got more chances to whack things with a big stick.)