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bxlladxnnabxtch · 4 months ago

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Devotion & Deceit

Rhysand x Reader

❀🇲🇦🇸🇹🇪🇷🇱🇮🇸🇹❀

Summary: Upon learning Rhysand intends to go through with his proposal, you begin to deteriorate. Your mates complete disregard for your concerns leaves you making some brash decisions of your own.

Read pt.1 to Devotion & Deceit - HERE

Read pt.4 - HERE

Warnings: Descriptions of trauma, Panic Attacks, Blood, Depression, Brief mentions of self harm.

You weren’t able to get up out of bed, and despite Azriels visits and multiple attempts, he couldn’t get you up either. Even though the majority of your time was spent in the small bedroom of that log cabin, very little time was spent actually sleeping in it. The miniscule amount of sleep you did get was broken by you jolting awake in the dead of night only to cry until the sun peaked through the cracks of the drapes that remained closed no matter what time of day.

The meals that Azriel brought to you remained ignored and untouched on the nightstand, to be removed by him the next day with a fresh platter in the hopes that you would at least pick through it. On occasion the smell would have you scrambling for the toilet, thin figure peeled over the side as you dry heaved into the bowl. The meals eventually reduced to small snacks the more often it happened, making you feel the slightest hint of guilt which only had you burrowing further into the sheets.

Niliana’s best efforts didn’t seem to shake you either, she’d come by to give you the latest spiel of the gossip in town, or brush out your hair as you laid in bed. She came by every day for the better part of a month, until the work she put off caught up to her, sending the wraith scrambling to catch up. She no longer came by.

Rhys hadn’t sent a word down the bond. Not a flicker of emotion, pain, even a thought. Just.. nothing. He was completely shut off from you. Not like you could complain, you did the exact same to him, going completely MIA.

“Have you two spoken?” Azriel said from the doorway, a glass of water in hand along with a small rag that undoubtedly held more food he wanted you to shove down your throat. Azriel sighed as he saw your eyes fall on the item, a grimace gracing your features. You muttered a soft “no” as he padded towards the bed, hand outstretched in a silent plea for you to sit up.

You groaned, sitting up as you rubbed your eyes, the dark circles surrounding them making you look like you had taken a beating. “I need to change anyways.” You croaked; voice rough as you swung your legs over the side of the bed.

You had visibly lost weight, your legs looking like if you look a step they’d crack under the pressure. You couldn’t bring yourself to care even the slightest bit. Ever since he had chosen her. Left his mate to rot in this stupid log cabin as if you meant nothing to him. Chose her again just like he did Under the Mountain, while Amarantha forced you to watch every night as she danced for him in that skimpy little outfit. But even then, you understood, then you knew that he was doing it for you- doing what was necessary.

What you didn’t understand was this. It had ended, you had run to him in that arena like you had wanted to for fifty years. You had clung to him like he was your lifeline. Five decades of Amarantha using you as her slave, only allowing you to see Rhys when he was tangled up with her. Always by her side.

And he had chosen someone else over you- yet again.

Azriel broke your thoughts by holding out the glass to you, and you rose from the bed, taking it in your frail hands, slightly shaky from the lack of vitamins. You brought it to your mouth, letting the chill of the glass rest on your bottom lip as you swallowed a few mouthfuls of the liquid. It didn’t go down easy, the cold making you recoil slightly as you swallowed the last bit.

You turned back to hand the glass back to Azriel, but he was frozen, face pale as he looked at you. His shadows swarmed him, moving around him in a frenzy, curling towards his ears, flicking around his waist. He stared at the glass you held out to him, and you slowly retracted your hand as you realize he was too caught up in whatever his shadows were whispering to him.

Your face fell, and the corners of your mouth downturned into a poorly concealed frown. “Is she there?” You asked, the question falling out of you before you could do anything to stop it, not that you could’ve. You didn’t know why you needed to know so bad, your body ached with the question, your hand gripping the glass tighter in an unexplainable want. His mouth opened like he was going to speak, but immediately shut closed as he hesitated. He didn’t need to say it, you knew.

You knew, you always knew.

Something in you snapped, and like a cage being unlocked, a fiery, all-consuming fury burst through the bars and swallowed you whole. The feeling swamped you like a tidal wave, your arm cocking back, barely feeling the glass slipping from your grasp as you sent it soaring straight at the wall.

The glass shattered immediately upon impact, the sound breaking the comforting stillness of the room, making Azriel flinch. Shards of glass and remnants of water were blown back at you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care as you felt the water drench the front of your shirt. The cloth stuck to your ribcage, the frigid wetness not registering in the slightest. You felt a shard slice your cheek open as it grazed you, and other bits of glass embed themselves into you as you heard the tinkle of the pieces falling to the floor, a few skittering across the ground.

“I’M NOT STAYING HERE!” You roared, hands coming to cradle your head, hands fisted in your hair. You pulled at the roots, clung to them like they’d offer some grain of comfort as your breathing began to speed up. The room was spinning, everything was spinning.

And you were Under the Mountain again- you were cold and wet. It was dark, your cell was too small. You could feel the dirt and grime and how it was caked under your fingernails like the dust had engraved itself onto you. Your matted hair and the feeling of the violent tugs as you ripped it out. But that was your hair- you could feel it between your fingers. You couldn’t breathe- God, why couldn’t you breathe.

“Get your shit together!” Azriel yelled, jolting you as he forced you to stop spiraling, hands clamping down on your wrists as you stilled. His grip dug into your skin, and you finally surfaced from the hurricane in your head enough to realize you were holding clumps of your hair in your hands. The thin strands hung from your fingers like a morbid Solstice decoration, and you vaguely recognized the sting that told you that you had bitten through your bottom lip in your haste.

You stared at him wide eyed, feeling the burn of your tears leaking into the cut on your cheek. You flinched as you felt a drop of blood hit your forearm, and looked down soon enough to watch the crimson run down the expanse towards your elbow. It stained your skin, and you watched as another drop landed right beside it. You were bleeding, you could feel as it ran down your cheek, over your jaw, mingling with the blood that dripped from your lip down your chin.

“Do you think if you destroy yourself enough that he’ll come save you like he did for Feyre?”

It dawned on you then, just how much you had ruined yourself. You had turned into the very thing you had hated Feyre for. The very thing that had Rhys tripping over himself to go and fix, just like he did for her Under the Mountain.

Yet he didn’t come for you.

“I can’t stay here.” You whispered, bottom lip trembling.

“Then you won’t.” Azriel said, letting go of your wrists.

Azriel had helped you calm down and think of what you were going to pack, not that you were taking much with you, the very idea of having anything to remind you of your time here made you want to throw up whatever was left in your stomach. You settled for a small change of clothes, your hands smoothing over the wrinkles as you folded the articles.

“Have you even decided where you’re going?” Azriel asked as he perched on the bed beside you. You shoved the small shirt you were folding into your bag, eyes trailing over to him as he waited on your answer. The drapes had been opened after your breakdown, making the light glint off Azriel’s siphons as he shifted, hands coming to perch on his knees. You shrugged, eyes stinging the slightest bit as they still needed time to adjust to the newly introduced light that you’d been avoiding for weeks. “Home.” You answered simply, finishing shoving your change of clothes into the small pack you now slid over your shoulder.

Azriel bristled, head cocking back as he questioned “The Winter Court?” The dresser at the corner of the room suddenly became very interesting as he made no attempt to hide his concern. “Yep.” You licked your lips, tongue smoothing over the teeth marks that had made a small crater in your bottom lip, the indent making you sigh. “That’s one hell of a flight.” You tucked your knife into the sheath on your thigh, the metal making a grating sound against the studded leather that had you cringing. “It’s not like I could winnow in if I wanted to.”

It's there, then that perhaps Azriel had begun to understand your insatiable need to flee. To leave everything that you had created, the life you’d built, everything that you are. Maybe he had sensed it subconsciously when he had found you that day on the border of the Night Court.

Azriel knew why you couldn’t winnow, it had always been a silent understanding between you two, and exactly the reason he hadn’t touched on it when your training had begun all those years ago. Not that you had gone into detail about what had happened in the middle, what you went through during your journey. But with Azriel being a spymaster, it hadn’t taken him long to fill in the blanks. He knew enough, and he had decided he didn’t need to know anymore- didn’t want to.

But even after you had gotten so used to running, the instinct carved so deep into your blood not even The Mother could undo it, he still had a small pit of anxiety sitting in his stomach that never quite went away. It was out of love, out of an uncontainable fear that history would repeat itself that he swished his hand over towards you, a shadow stirring to life, swirling around your waist and anchoring itself to you.

You watched how it swam and twirled around you, scurrying up your hand and over your arm. “Really?” You had asked, a light, barely there hint of amusement twinged your tone, and he rolled his eyes in response. But when he turned to you, his expression was deadly serious, almost concerned. This man, who had cared for a scared, young Illyrian girl who had somehow crawled her way to the border. Who had taught her how to fly, how to live, how to control the magic that wanted to burst out of her as if it was overflowing. He looked up at you, lips pursed. “You might see her again, you know.” He said, barely a murmur, almost scared that the words he spoke would conjure them to life.

Your eyes flickered to him as you shoved the last dagger into your boot at your heel. “That’s the plan.”

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azrielbrainrot · 10 months ago

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Such a Perfect Place To Start

Pairing: Azriel x Healer!Reader

Description: Something happens that has you questioning the nature of your relationship with the shadowsinger.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3911

Notes: When I started writing this I didn't think it was going to lead to that. Hope you like it!

Healer!Reader Masterlist

When you were called to the House of Wind so urgently by the High Lady herself you were expecting a more pressing matter, a life or death situation like you're used to, not exactly a library full of books. You don't know how long you've been sitting in this chair but you couldn't feel your butt anymore, no matter how many different positions you tried to sit in. You were used to doing some research while studying new healing techniques or herbs but these millenia old books on magical symbols were a little different.

There had been some attacks across the Night Court, including in the mountains surrounding Velaris, with some pretty disturbing details. After being killed, the victims' eyes had been removed and a symbol had been carved into their chests. All the symbols were different and, at this time, their meaning was still unknown. Unfortunately, none of the victims had survived either so there weren't any witnesses and, even after Azriel's thorough investigations, there was no evidence left behind by the culprits. It was as if no one had even been there.

You had heard some rumors about this before getting called in. Gossip spread around fast in Velaris and, even with the Inner Circle's efforts to keep panic to a minimum, people had found out about some of the details. The area around Velaris is relatively safe so to have multiple killings in a short time and in such gruesome ways was causing a bit of a fearful atmosphere to fall upon the city of dreamers. The increase in security wasn't easily missed either.

After being summoned to the River House, Feyre and Rhysand had briefed you on everything they knew and asked you for your help, seeing as they could only trust a few select people. Since there were no other clues left behind besides the symbols, the High Lord decided that, for now, everyone should focus on finding their meaning, so he sent his most trusted people to his private library to look through every book that might help.

You had obviously felt incredibly honored and happy that they trusted you this much. You've been getting closer to the inner circle after your talk with Azriel a few months ago, and sometimes still feared your friendships were a bit one sided.

As honored as you felt that they trusted you, though, you had spent days searching through old books just to come up empty. It was more tiring than a week at a war healing tent. Not to mention having to do so by Amren's side. You had no personal problems with the newly turned high fae but she still scared you profusely. Your power gave you a sense of people's aura and hers had always felt unsettling at best, even after getting turned.

At least, you weren't alone with her, everyone in the Inner Circle and some of the Valkyries had shown up at the library to help at some point. There was no way of knowing who could be behind these attacks and, from what you gathered, these fae had been moving across the court too easily, meaning they could be from the night court or even Velaris, so you couldn't involve the priestesses in the library.

The sky was already completely dark outside, making way for the millions of stars to shine in the sky. The atmosphere was a little too quiet for this time of night, usually there would still be fae walking around the city, in and out of bars and theaters. Amren had already left. The ancient one had tucked a book under her arm and walked out without much of a goodbye, leaving you with Feyre and Azriel in the library.

“I think it's time to stop for the day,” your High Lady's voice cut through the silence suddenly, “Rhys just finished at the office too.” Sometimes you envied how convenient the daematis abilities were. As her eyes glaze over and a smirk threatens to play at her lips, you know her mate is giving her a good reason to go home.

“I'll stay a bit longer,” you hold your finger over the passage you were reading, these old books had tiny fonts and you'd already lost yourself in enough of them to know better now, “I have to go to the clinic tomorrow so I wanted to at least finish this book.” There were only about half a dozen pages left of it so, even if your body was screaming at you to go to bed, you wanted to get this done first.

“Alright,” the High Lady adds her last book to the pile and looks at you one more time, “Don't stay too long. We need you to be focused at the clinic.” Her eyes shift to the shadowsinger and narrow slightly, her tone a little sterner, “You too, Az. Get some sleep.”

The spymaster nods dutifully at his friend's warning and she seems content enough with the response or in enough hurry to meet her mate, as she gives you both one last smile and turns to the door, saying one last goodbye over her shoulder.

Azriel stayed with you, even though his book had just started and there was no way he would finish it tonight. You were torn between thinking it was because he didn't trust you in the House by yourself, as the ever protective spymaster, and just writing it off as his willingness to help his court even at the risk of his own health and comfort, you don't even wanna think how many sleepless nights the spymaster has spent working lately.

You shake off your thoughts and keep reading the boring book. The sooner you finish the sooner you can go to sleep. Even your healing abilities can't do much to fight the headache you were feeling after spending the whole day reading symbols and their uses in dark magic, some of the rituals described were also making your stomach queasy.

Just as you're about to finish the last page, you hear a soft groan coming from Azriel and can't help but look up at him. His head was thrown back, showing off the column of his neck. His eyes were closed tight like he was fighting the same headache as you. With his wings stretched as far as they could go, it looked like they were taking up most of the private library, not that it was a small room by any means.

The spymaster looked exhausted. He's been spending his days meeting up with his spies and informants all around Prythian, trying to find any information on the attackers and investigating any strange movement in the court. At night, he comes home and joins you in the library to help with research, sometimes even staying up later than everyone else. You know he will do the same thing tomorrow and the day after, until you find any relevant clues and catch the killers.

Azriel takes these things more personally than maybe even the High Lord and Lady. His job as spymaster is finding any threats to the court after all, preferably before they happen. You know he must feel like he's failing his court and you wish you could show him that he's doing more than enough, that it's not his fault. Under the tough exterior and immense power, Azriel has an extremely kind soul, you've felt it. He'd make the impossible happen if it meant he could protect his court, his family, even if it cost him his own life.

“You should go to sleep,” you can't help but worry for him, “You were out all day before you came here. You must be really tired.”

You wonder how long it's been since he's had a good night of sleep. Even before this situation, it was no secret that the shadowsinger was a bit of an insomniac. You had given him a few sleeping tonics before in hopes of helping him have at least a few moments of peace.

“I'll wait for you,” he tells you, meeting your eyes. You can see the fatigue swirling around in his unguarded gaze, it seems you had been right to assume he hasn't been sleeping. “You're almost done.”

You look back down at your book and wonder how he's been keeping track of what you've been doing while reading his own book. Still, if finishing this means Azriel can go to sleep, you'll do it as fast as you can. Reading through the last page intently to make sure nothing escapes you.

Just as you're about to finish you make a silent request to the House, and two steaming cups of tea appear in front of each of you. Passionflower tea to lessen his stress and help with sleep, you've given it to him before and he told you it helped so you hope it does the trick once again.

Since you're focused on the book, you miss the way his eyes finally stray from your form to look down at the tea now sitting in front of him. You also miss the smile on his face when he reaches for it and the way his shadows let him know you were the one who asked for it, gushing about how you took care of their master.

“Do you still not trust me, Spymaster?” You close the book and put it into the ever growing pile. Stretching a bit before taking your tea into your hands and blowing on it gently.

“I trust you with my life, sweetheart.” The seriousness in his statement makes you pause with the cup halfway to your lips for a moment. You didn't need the Morrigan's gift to know he was telling the truth. The nickname takes a little longer to register but as soon as it does color rushes to your cheeks.

“Then why wait for me?” You hadn't actually thought he didn't trust you in the library but you still weren't sure why he had stayed behind after Feyre left.

“Wanted to keep you company until you finished,” he shrugged. His voice is a little gravely with sleep which is a big problem for the butterflies already fluttering in your stomach. “We've been spending a lot of time together but we've barely talked.”

He wants to talk to you. You can't help the smile or the giddy feeling washing over you. He's tired but he chose to stay up a little longer to do something as trivial as talking to you.

“What did you want to talk about then?” The way he's picking at the painted decorations in his teacup makes you think he might be feeling a little nervous but you're not sure why.

“Anything you want,” he answered a little too fast. Maybe it's the low lights in the room but you swear there's some color dusting his cheeks.

“It's hard to pick a topic like that,” you say before biting your lip slightly. For some reason you suddenly feel a little pressure to come up with a good topic, not wanting to disappoint or bore him. “Lately, all I can think about is this,” you run your finger over one of the books' spines, “It's hard to focus on anything else after spending hours in here.”

“If you feel like this is too much you can tell me. I'll talk to Rhys and he'll send you back to the clinic,” he frowns. His shadows reach a little towards you, as if wanting to comfort you. You didn't mean to worry him.

“That's not what I meant,” you start, “I want to help. I've just never dealt with anything like this. I've been to war but this… killing innocent fae in such a disturbing way is different.”

“I understand,” he nods, “If you need anything you can tell me. Even if you just want to talk.”

“Alright.” Azriel has a way of talking that leaves you not knowing how to respond sometimes. He's so sincere in what he says that you almost feel like any response would fall short. “You too. If you need help with anything I'm always here for you.”

He gives you a single nod before hiding what looked like a bashful smile behind his tea. You finish your teas like this, enjoying each other's company in the quiet of the night.

You can't hold back a yawn when you set your teacup down. As much as you'd love to stay up talking to Azriel all night, your body is about ready to crash on you.

“We should go to sleep,” he says as he stands up, making the teacups disappear. “You have to be at the clinic early.”

“You're right,” you agree with a sigh, standing up to follow him to the door. You've only been going to the clinic twice a week ever since Feyre asked for your help with this case so you know you'll have a long day ahead of you. “Will you fly me down tomorrow?”

“Of course,” he tells you as he opens the door for you, “What kind of male would I be if I let our favorite healer walk down the thousands of steps by herself?”

“Favorite? I'll tell Madja you said that,” you point your finger at him playfully.

“Second favorite then,” he takes it back with a wink, making you laugh. The smile lingers on your face all the way to the guest room you're staying in and it only deepens when you realize he walked you all the way to your door.

You turn and look up at him expectantly. It looks like he wants to tell you something with the way he's searching your face and his shadows pool at both of your feet. If you didn't know any better you'd think they wanted to crawl up your legs. You've found that they can give some of Azriel's emotions away sometimes, when he doesn't have a grip on them at least.

Your body doesn't react when he bends down slowly, pausing for a brief moment before kissing your cheek softly, murmuring a good night against your skin. It doesn't react after either, when he pulls back to watch your reaction. In fact, it's not until he walks over to his door and lets out a small chuckle, that you finally move and almost crash into the room, fumbling with the doorknob and slamming the door behind you.

As you lean your back against the door, you put your hand over your chest and stare wide eyed at the window across the room. You almost thought you were imagining things. He can probably hear your heart beating all the way in his room across the hall, you wouldn't be surprised if everyone in Velaris could hear with how loud it's beating. You let yourself slide against the door until you're crouching.

You hadn't expected him to kiss you. You know Azriel isn't one for a lot of physical touch. You've only gotten a hug out of him once, during the war after an attack on the healer's tent. He had thought you were dead then, after watching so many die he'd just been glad to see someone he knows still breathing. Actually, you might have been the one to hug him first. You had never been so close to death and were scared out of your mind. It was your first war after all.

You and Azriel had been getting closer over the months, closer than you were with the rest of Inner Circle. Even before your talk that night, he's always been friendly to you, but the shadowsinger was kind to all the healers - to everyone that wasn't his enemy really - so you never thought much of it. But this felt different. Tonight felt different.

You hadn't fully admitted it to yourself yet but the more time you spent with the shadowsinger the more your crush evolved. What had once been a silly crush based on appearance and his kind nature had quickly turned into palpable feelings. You liked him. A lot.

However, acknowledging this could destroy the friendship you had built with him for the past few months, maybe with the rest of his family as well. That's what you thought before at least. You assumed Azriel would never have feelings for you. The idea seemed so preposterous it never even crossed your mind, but now you're not so sure.

Maybe it seemed like you were exaggerating to think this after a little kiss, on the cheek no less, but this kiss made you think back on the last months you've spent with Azriel. He's been insisting on flying you up and down the stairs every time he's around, usually this task would be left to Cassian, who loved showing off his wings to you.

He's been going to the clinic more often too, stocking up on anything he can think of when he's never done that in the century you've been working in Velaris. Azriel was always one to not think much of his own health, it bothered you to no end. He also came to you with every injury. Usually when a member of the Inner Circle was hurt, Madja was the one who was called. You'd only accompany her if she needed assistance or go in her place if she wasn't able to go herself. Of course over the years they'd come to use you more and more, which is why you didn't even think of it, but looking back now… You don't know what to think anymore.

Getting up with a sigh, you make your way to your closet to change. Your thoughts consume you while you get ready for bed but your tiring day catches up to you as soon as your head hits the pillow. However, this doesn't spare you from dreaming of a certain shadowsinger.

You take longer to wake up than usual, making you hurry through your morning routine. Your body isn't used to the schedule you've been putting it through lately, and it's starting to show. But because of this, it isn't until you go to open the door to the guest room that you remember Azriel is going to fly you down to the clinic. And the incident that had you spiraling before going to sleep.

Deciding walking down the steps by yourself isn't a viable option, you go to find him and pray to the Mother things aren't too awkward between you. It had just been a little kiss on the cheek and your lack of reaction could totally be blamed on the long day, your brain was just having trouble catching up, that's all. It had been a completely normal exchange between friends, not that you're blushing just thinking about it or anything. You could just pretend it didn't happen.

As you make your way to the front door, the shadows dancing around in the hallway catch your eye instantly. You've seen them do this before, when Azriel doesn't need them and they don't want to brave the light, they just linger around the room in curious little wisps. You can't help the smile as they gravitate slowly towards you.

Right after they notice you, their master appears through the door. One of them must have warned him of your arrival, they're so cute sometimes you forget they're spies. Of course they'd tell on you.

“Good morning,” he greets. Azriel may be a shadowsinger but he looks breathtaking in the morning light. His skin glows beautifully and his eyes look a little lighter, it makes him look younger. Gods, how can he be so beautiful?

He looks a little relieved to see you. Maybe he thought you'd escape by yourself or ask someone else to fly you to the clinic to avoid him. It makes you feel a little bad that you had him worried but it's his own fault for playing with your heart like that.

“Good morning,” you smile, walking up to him. “Are you ready?”

“I was just waiting for you,” he says as he extends a hand for you to take. This has the nerves already lingering inside your body make themselves more noticeable. You almost forgot flying you down means he'll have to carry you. It had taken a while for you to get used to not only the flying but also the way he had to hold you - funny how you never had this problem with Cassian.

You take his hand and try not to move too much or gasp as he picks you up off the floor like you weigh nothing. He immediately starts walking to the edge of the stairs, holding you close to his chest.

“Hold onto me,” he breathes into your ear, extending his wings and getting ready to take flight. You do as he says and wrap your arms tighter around his neck, praying he can't feel your heart beat inside your chest.

You'll never get over how stunning Velaris looks from above or how the wind passes around you as you soar through the clouds. It's a real shame that you weren't born with wings. You understand why Illyrians are so protective of them, after knowing what this feels like, it's hard to imagine never being able to do it again.

“You know I won't drop you.” You look away from the landscape and meet his gaze. He can probably feel how tense you are but you can't tell him it has nothing to do with the height or any fear of him letting you fall.

“I know,” you assure. “What would you do without your favorite healer?” He lets out a small laugh in response and your body finally relaxes.

The flight doesn't take long, and, before you know it, he's landing right outside your clinic. He helps you get down and even holds onto you a little longer, giving you a once over to make sure you're steady on your feet.

An idea passes through your mind and you bite your lip, wondering if you'd truly lost it. You take a quick look around before you lose your nerve. It was still early enough that the streets were almost deserted, no one should see you.

Turning back to the shadowsinger, you hesitate again when you notice him watching you, probably wondering what you were up to. If you read the situation wrong this could make things very awkward for the two of you.

Deciding not to let your anxiety reign your life, you grab his shoulder gently so you can pull him a little closer to your height. Standing on your tiptoes to clear the rest of your height difference. You hold onto his cheek and place a soft kiss on the other side of his face, murmuring a “thank you”.

You step back again and look up at him, still slightly bent from where you pulled him to you and looking at your face with wide eyes. You're not sure if you've ever seen the feared spymaster so caught off guard before. There was a small smile playing at his lips though, so you assume you hadn't completely misread the situation. You can't help but form a grin of your own and turn around to go inside the clinic, leaving him behind just as he did to you last night. Your heart soaring higher than you had just been.

#azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #azriel fluff #azriel fic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #acotar #divider by saradika #healer!reader

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into-the-grey · 3 months ago

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~Novocaine~ Noah x F!Reader fic (18+)

This is actually the first ever Bad Omens fic I wrote, but I figured I may as well share it.

There is more to it if you're interested, but it got odd down the line.

Either way, onto the warnings:

Warnings: panic attack, smut, p in v, belt handcuffs, light choking, oral (F receiving), multiple orgasms

WC: 7.1k

Part 2

Noah sat in his office, his attention on his stream as he tapped on his keyboard. Rain pattered on the window outside, the dark storm clouds gathering over the city and creating a warm cozy atmosphere. Thunder rumbled in the distance, growing closer to the neighbourhood. Inside, the office was bathed in a soft purple glow from the lighting Noah had installed, adding to the relaxed vibe of the stream. He had been playing a game for a few hours now and was getting close to finishing it.

Every now and again, a jump-scare would frighten him, and he would flinch in his chair before laughing at himself. Each time he would hear Ruffilo's friend softly chuckle across the hallway.

Y/N sat in the spare room, watching Noah through the doorway. Ruffilo had gone to visit his parents in Richmond for a few days, leaving Y/N at the house. She was content to take up residency in their spare room for a little while. Watering Ruffilo's plants was a small price to pay.

This wasn't uncommon, Ruffilo regularly offered Y/N the spare room if she wanted some quiet time. He would always ask Noah for permission, and Noah would always gladly give it. Noah had never been a big fan of being at home alone, so having Y/N around the house eased his nerves.

Y/N had a place with roommates of her own, but she had been trying to get out for a while. Her roommates were party girls and social butterfly types, Y/N was much more introverted than that. She liked them, but their way of life could be overwhelming to her.

So, there she sat, wrapped in a blanket, watching from the other side of the hall. He could feel her eyes on him, and though he would never admit it, he enjoyed it a little bit.

The audience on Noah's stream could sense his distraction, seeing his gaze turn to her every now and again. He barely knew Y/N, she was more Ruffilo's friend than Noah's. She had stayed over a handful of times, and each time Ruffilo had told Noah off for flirting with her. Noah couldn't help himself. Y/N was normally bubbly and friendly, if a little quiet. She was easy on the eyes as well. And usually, she flirted back.

Today, looking at the girl was like looking at a ghost. She was paler than usual, and tense. She kept her lips in a solid line, looking away every time Noah caught her eye. She picked at her nails often, and if she looked at her phone, she would chew her lip.

It was obvious something wasn't right. It perturbed Noah to see her so reserved and fidgety. Noah had been subtly watching her all afternoon, and it seemed like she grew more restless as time went on. Still, he didn't see a reason to intervene...

Until he heard the gasping sound of a stifled sob.

He had taken his eyes off her for maybe five minutes, and in those minutes something clearly changed. His head whipped around to see her shaking, her fingers gripping tightly to the blanket and twisting deep into the fabric. He watched as she flinched into something resembling the foetal position, she held her head between her balled fists, the blanket clamped in her grip provided a gentle cushion from her knuckles. Her phone slipped off the side of the bed she sat on, landing with a soft thud on the carpet.

'Guys, I'll be back, I just need to check on something,' Noah said, sitting up and quickly muting the microphone. He switched the display to his "Be right back" screen and jumped out of his chair, tossing his headphones onto the desk and rushing across the hallway to where Y/N was suffering.

He entered the dim room, closing the door behind him and kneeling on the floor in front of her.

'Hey,' he said softly, 'hey, look at me, what's happening?' He reached up, taking her hands and pulling them away from her temples. The tense trembling in her hands made his heart ache. He could see the tears in her eyes as he squeezed her fingers in his.

'I'm s-sorry,' she stammered, trying to choke her sobs back and jerking her head from side to side. 'I t-tried t-to cont-trol it.' Noah leapt up from the floor to kneel beside her on the bed. He could feel her shivers through the mattress. He reached up, holding her head still and trying to meet her eye.

'You have nothing to be sorry for,' he assured her, 'it's okay.' He took the disheveled blanket, readjusting it and tucking it tightly around her before pulling her in and hugging her head against his chest. 'Come on Y/N, you can beat this.'

'I-, No- I can't-' she coughed. She squeezed her eyes shut tight, turning her face into his shirt and biting down on her lip. Noah noticed the skin of her lip turning a bloody shade of red.

'Hey, hey, stop, you're gonna hurt yourself,' he said softly, cupping her face, his thumb gently removing her lip from between her teeth. Her body froze under his hand, and Noah paused. He realised the intimacy in his touch, staring awkwardly at her. His hand retreated from her face, his stomach somersaulting and his body screaming in protest. Her lip was soft, her skin smooth... a part of him wanted to kiss it better...

'Not the time,' he mentally hissed at himself. 'Focus. Help her.' He looked to her widened hazel eyes, an apology on his face.

'Your lip... you're going to chew through it...' he said lamely. Y/N gave him a small nod before casting her eyes down. Her cheeks flushed red as tears began to flow down her face.

'I'm sor-ry,' she said through a shuddering breath as Noah sunk down beside her, their eyes level. Her nervous energy and her wild eyes made Noah's heart hurt. He knew the pain of a panic attack too well, he wanted nothing more than to pull her close and hold her until it passed. His mouth hung slack for a moment, trying to think of how to help. He still held one of her hands, feeling her squeezing his fingers tightly.

'Y/N, did someone do something to you?' He asked her softly.

'God no,' she shook her head fiercely, 'No.' Her free hand raked her fingers through her hair, the fitful movement looked painful. Noah winced, seeing a few strands of hair come free with her fingers.

'Hey, hey, come here.' He said, taking her hand back in his and shuffling closer to her. She leaned against him nervously, her head resting on his shoulder.

'Come on,' he said with a soft laugh, 'if you're going to lean on me, let's do this properly.'

He lifted himself to squat on the bed, sliding his back across and down the wall as he moved to sit behind her. Once planted firmly back on the mattress, he manoeuvred her to sit sideways, her legs draped over his right leg, cradling her back with his left arm, her head on his left shoulder. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, pulling the blanket up around her shivering form.

He heard a soft cough leave her lips, and he looked down at her. 'Better?' He asked her. She nodded, sighing and letting her full weight rest on him. For a moment, they just sat, Noah absentmindedly rubbing her arm as he held her close. He hoped she couldn't feel the backflips in his stomach. Silently he cursed himself for having these thoughts about her while she was struggling.

He watched as Y/N's eyes drifted closed, and he took deep, slow breaths for her to mimic. The sound of the rain outside picked up, a storm rolling in and filling the house with subtle white noise. Y/N's breathing slowly began to line up with his. The red in her cheeks began to subside, and her trembling slowed. Her fingers released their vice grip on the blanket, her knuckles returning to their normal pinkish hue.

After a long silence of just observing their breaths, Noah cupped her face, running his thumb along her jaw.

'Unclench your teeth and take a breath,' he murmured. Y/N followed his instructions obediently. Her jaw released, her lips parting slightly as she took a deep breath, exhaling out of her mouth.

'Noah, you don't need to look after me,' she said, her voice still unsteady. 'I'm a big girl, I've had anxiety for a long time, I can handle these attacks.'

Noah nodded, squeezing her shoulder through the blanket. 'I may not need to, but I want to.'

'Why?'

'Because I know how you feel, I've been there before,' he said as nonchalantly as he could. He didn't want her to worry about his history. He wanted her to stay focussed on the here and now.

'Oh...' she said, nodding slowly.

'Do you want to talk about what's going on?' He asked her. Y/N looked to her hands, picking at her cuticles as she shook her head.

'Is it okay if we don't?' She asked, her voice wavering, 'It's a lot, and I don't think I can get into it right now,' she said softly. Noah lifted a hand, brushing a stray lock of hair out of her face.

'We don't have to do anything you don't want to do. But, whenever you're ready, I'm here, okay?' He assured her, making a point to lock his eyes on hers. 'Just promise you'll reach out if you need someone?'

Her hazel eyes shone up at him in the darkness, glistening with the reflection of the low light coming through the window. She had her lip between her teeth again, the skin swollen and puffy, giving her a pout that made Noah's heart twist. His body moved before his brain could give permission. His hand came to rest on her cheek again. This time, she didn't freeze. Instead, she leaned into his touch. His thumb ran across her lip again, gently releasing it from between her teeth.

His heart thundered in his chest. He could feel her breath tingling his skin. Slowly, his head dipped towards her.

Y/N's head tilted up, their noses brushing, his skin on fire with the feeling of her. Before he could close the gap, a wave of clarity washed over him.

'Are you okay with this?' He whispered, his voice low and husky. Her lips were so close, his thumb still rested on her cheek, barely grazing her mouth. Her body returned all of his signals, desperate for his touch.

She nodded slightly, 'Completely,' she whispered back.

With a small smile, he pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and sweet, his hair falling over their faces like a curtain. He gently cupped the back of her neck, holding their faces together. His stomach twisted in the best way, their lips moving together in sync. She tasted sweet, her swollen lip warm against his.

Her soft fingers found their way to his chest, tracing up to his collarbone and nervously hovering, barely touching him.

Noah smiled into the kiss, taking his hand from her neck and finding hers. He guided her hand to his chest and pressed her skin firmly to his, right over his heart, laying his hand flat over hers. She could feel his pulse racing beneath her palm. His tongue gently traced her lip, asking politely to deepen the kiss.

She paused, pulling back and breaking the kiss, watching his cheeks flush.

'I'm sorry,' he said, 'I didn't mean to push-'

'No, Noah,' she said, reaching for his face, still ginger in her touch. 'You didn't do anything wrong, I just feel like I owe you more of the story if that's where you want this to go, and I don't know if I can give you that yet.'

Noah nodded, looking at the beautiful woman in his arms. His whole body ached for her, and he couldn't stand the thought of not having her. He took a deep breath, his thumb grazing her cheek again.

'Look, cards on the table, you know I want you,' he said, 'If the constant flirting wasn't obvious enough, I absolutely want you. But it's your choice, if you don't want to go any further than this, I'll stop right here. If you want a one night stand, and never talk about it again, sure, I can do that. If you want friends with benefits, I can do that too. All fucking, no feelings. If you want to be all in, then say the word. You have me in the palm of your hand, it's your choice how much you want me to know and how far you want this to go, okay? I won't expect or demand anything from you, ever.'

Y/N's eyes widened as he spoke. She knew he wanted her, but to hear him say it out loud, confirming everything she had thought were only jokes... it changed the game. If she wanted him, she had him. But how did she want him?

There was the catch. She wanted him in every way. Mind, body, soul. But she wasn't sure she could tell him everything yet. But he said she didn't need to...

It felt wrong, wanting him completely without being able to give herself to him. She wanted things to be equal. But as she laid with his hand on her cheek, her hand resting feather light back on his collarbone, she wanted nothing more than to be his.

'I don't know, Noah. I want you, believe me, but I don't think I can be completely open about everything just yet, and I don't want that double standard. I want to know everything about you, but that doesn't feel fair-'

'Answer one question for me,' Noah interrupted. Y/N paused, waiting for him to ask. 'Do you want me?' He asked 'Yes or no?'

Y/N nodded, her eyes locked on him as he mitigated her spiral. She could see the desperation in his features, the way his gaze darted from her eyes to her lips and back again. He wasn't lying, he wanted her badly. And seeing him like this, she wanted him even more.

'Yes.'

'So take me. I'm offering myself to you, begging you to take me. If you have secrets, I don't care. I just want to be with you, okay?' He said, cradling her closer to him. Her palm still rested on his collarbone, her fingers trailing up his neck. Their eyes stayed locked, almost fighting for dominance. Even in his submission, Noah dominated.

'Okay,' she breathed, lost in his stare. The way he could pierce through to her soul, it was hypnotic. She had never felt so vulnerable and yet so safe.

Noah closed the gap once more, his lips on hers. This kiss felt hungrier than the last, but not in an unwelcome way. His hands roamed her body, searching for a sign of discomfort as he pulled her as close as he possibly could. Y/N could feel the tension growing, her body lighting up under his touch. If this was how he cured panic attacks, thank God for anxiety.

'How do you want me?' He asked, breaking the onslaught of kisses and breathing heavily.

'Maybe in private? Without a whole audience waiting for you?' she said with a weak smirk, her eyes flitting to the door. Noah felt her chest heaving, realising his where his hand now rested. He followed her gaze and remembered the stream that was still running.

'Right...' he drawled, forming a plan in his head. 'Okay, you go to my room, I'll go and kill the stream and try to avoid suspicion. I'll be there in ten minutes, okay?' a laugh crept into his voice as he spoke. His grin was infectious, his beautiful smile reaching his eyes.

Y/N nodded, half-heartedly swinging her legs off the bed and sitting up. Before she could stand from the bed, Noah's arms were around her waist again, pulling her back.

'Hey, wait a second, I didn't say you could go yet,' he said, lifting a hand to her chin and turning her face towards his. He laid a gentle kiss to her lips, savouring the feeling of her for a moment. 'Okay, now you can go.'

Y/N giggled at him, pecking his lips once more before standing up. She picked up her phone from where it laid on the floor, sliding it into her pocket while Noah stood from the bed.

'Go on, I'll be there in a minute,' he assured her, his hand running across her lower back as he stood. Her skin tingled under his hand, looking up to his face.

She watched as he opened the door to the spare room, and he took her hand, leading her out into the hall. With a swift motion, he kissed her knuckles and spun her to face his bedroom door up the hallway. 'I promise, I won't be long.'

Y/N finally began to move towards Noah's bedroom, her socked feet padding quietly on the carpet. Noah smiled as he watched her for a brief moment. Remembering his goal, he tore himself from his spot in the hall and quickly moved into the office, seeing the chat still scrolling with new messages on the screen. Most of the messages were debating if he would be coming back.

He sat down, putting his headphones on and unmuting the microphone as he switched back to the live camera feed.

'Hey guys, sorry but I've gotta go.' He raised his hands defensively as the chat began to flood with messages.

'Don't get speculative, it's nothing special,' he laughed, seeing people already starting to throw theories around, 'I just forgot about some friends coming to visit, so I should probably go and be a good host. I'll pick the game up another time, thank you for hanging out.'

He began to close down the game, saving it first. As the messages turned to people chiding him for "forgetting" and people saying good night, Noah waved goodbye and ended the stream. Finally, he shut down the computer and turned off the lights. The whirring of the fans came to a stop, leaving the room in an eerie silence, save only for the sound of the rain on the window.

As he stood, Noah took his headphones off and turned them off, hanging them up. He couldn't move quick enough, rushing from the room and closing the door behind him. He all but ran up the hallway to his bedroom. Gently, Noah tapped on the bedroom door before entering.

Inside, the room was bathed in a soft light from the ensuite bathroom. He heard the sound of running water, and he could see Y/N bent over the sink.

'You okay?' He called, locking the bedroom door behind him.

'Mhmm,' he heard her soft reply. Noah moved across the beige carpet, the burgundy walls making the room feel warm and cozy. He could see the girl wiping at her face as he stepped into the small space behind her. She looked at him in the mirror, their eyes meeting again. His soft gaze would never fail to disarm her.

'I'm alright, I promise, I just wanted to clean myself up a bit. It's been a rough few days.' A hint of the deeper story, but no real details. Noah nodded, moving closer and placing a hand on her waist.

'You know how I always say you're cute?' He mused, watching her cheeks flush. She nodded. 'Definitely not the right word, you're absolutely beautiful.'

'You're not so bad yourself,' she smirked, turning to face him. She had used the line on him during their flirty phase, and she couldn't help copying the smile that bloomed on his sweet face.

Noah slyly reached over to the light switch, flicking it off and leaving the room dim with faint evening light, before stepping closer to her. Their chests pressed together, and he bent his knees.

'You're coming with me,' he said softly, his tattooed hands wrapping around her thighs. She barely had a moment to process his movements before he lifted her off the ground. Her arms instinctively wrapped around his neck, her legs clinging around his hips. One of his hands supported her ass, the other keeping a firm grip on her thigh.

'Noah,' she squealed, gripping awkwardly at his shirt. He turned on his heel, carrying her to the bed in the corner of the room. With careful movements, he manoeuvred himself to kneel on the mattress, still holding her up.

'You said you want me privately, this is privately. What do you want now?' His voice was husky and full of desire. His hand ran up her thigh, tracing her spine before stopping at the back of her neck. He felt the shiver that ran through her, savouring her body trembling against him.

She looked down to his face, her forehead meeting his softly, her hair falling around them. 'I want all of you. Everything you want to give me.'

'Everything?' He asked, drinking in the scent of her.

'Everything you can give me without it feeling unfair.'

'And you're completely sure this isn't too much too fast for you?' He watched her expression closely, not seeing an ounce of hesitation. Her body gave him every signal to keep going.

'I'm sure. If you're okay with this, I'm okay with this.'

She pressed her lips to his, her legs tightening around his hips as he melted into her tender kiss. He carefully leaned forward, laying her down on the comforter and rolling his hips against her. He held himself over her, brushing her hair out of the way so he could move his lips to her neck. Her gentle sigh as he nipped at her skin sent a shiver down his spine. The sound became his new goal in life, he needed to hear what other sounds she could make.

Slowly, he moved down, kissing along her collarbone and down the V neck of her shirt. His strong hand rested on her breast, surprised but pleased to find she wasn't wearing a bra. Beneath the fabric, he could feel her nipple budding against his palm. Grazing his thumb across the sensitive little nub, her body arched against him.

He expertly slid his hand under her T-shirt and up to her breast, dragging his fingers around her nipple, teasing her. Her shirt lifted, exposing the pale skin of her stomach. Again, he trailed lower, kissing his way down to the band of her sweatpants, slung low on her hips.

'Noah,' she breathed, 'Please.' Her fingertips danced lightly across his muscled arms. Her touch sent waves of electricity across his skin, but her hesitation worried him.

Noah paused his assault, returning to her face and lowering himself to her lips, kissing her deeply before taking her hand and guiding it to his neck. As her skin grazed along his throat and around to the back of his neck, he let out a sigh.

'You never need to be afraid to touch me, baby,' he breathed, searching her eyes for the fear and disarming her. Her breath hitched, her grip on the nape of his neck tightening. 'That's it,' he encouraged, 'I'm yours, take me any way you want me.'

Y/N nodded, her hands exploring his skin and building her confidence. She ran her fingers down to his hips and back up his spine, sliding up under his shirt and discovering his broad, muscled shoulders.

Noah smirked before pushing himself back onto his knees. He reached for his shirt, fluidly pulling it over his head. It landed on the floor and Y/N marvelled at his body, his tattoos, his smile, his little laugh, everything about him was perfect.

His fingers moved to his belt, undoing the buckle, but the lighting speed as he yanked the belt from the loops of his pants? Y/N had never been so turned on by such a simple movement. With a knowing grin, Noah made a point to leave the belt within arms reach.

'Your turn,' he said lowly. He bent forward, gripping the fabric of her pants and gliding it down her legs. The feeling of his knuckles across her bare ass left goosebumps on her skin. He was so methodical, so desperate to know every part of her. Somehow, Noah managed to remove her pants, panties, and socks in one go. She was left bare from the waist down and stunned.

Before she had time to figure out how he had done it, he moved again. A lighting quick movement, and suddenly his head was between her legs and his tongue was against her. Y/N's body seemed to go into a strange form of shock, a delicious moan leaving her mouth and her hips convulsing against his tongue.

'Oh fuck, Noah!' She whined, her hands flying to his head, her fingers tangling in his hair. His lush tongue drew languid circles around her clitoris, her legs clamping over his ears and earning a soft chuckle from him.

Noah grinned against her for a moment, deciding this was how he wanted to die, face first in the sweetest pussy he had ever tasted. Her legs held his head tightly, trembling.

Confidently, he positioned his fingers, sliding two deeply into her. He could feel her excitement. Her pussy clenched hard around his fingers, almost sucking them in. As he searched for the magic bump on her upper wall, he took his free hand and gripped her outer thigh hard, holding it tightly to his head and encouraging her to squeeze.

Her heavy panting told him exactly where she was, and Noah was determined to run her ragged. As her first orgasm began to peak, her panting became moans, her grip on his hair tightening.

'Fuck... Fuck... Noah...' she panted, almost breaking his fingers. His cock twitched with envy. She was so deliciously close. His only question was if he should edge her or let her come.

As she began to spasm, his name falling from her lips in breathless waves, he decided to give her the orgasm she wanted.

Barely a moment passed before she came undone on his hand and tongue. Noah refused to stop, massaging her deeply and continuing to write his name on her most sensitive parts until her body was a writhing mess, barely able to speak his name.

With a smirk, he pulled back, seeing her beautiful flushed face wearing a tired grin.

'Jesus fucking Christ, Noah' she panted.

'Oh, baby, I'm just getting started,' he told her, a salacious grin on his wet lips. Her eyes widened, excited but nervous.

Noah stepped back off the bed, removing his pants and letting them fall to the floor. Y/N was almost surprised to see that he had no piercings or tattoos on his dick, given the rest of his body. However, he was well kept, and definitely big enough to get the job done.

As he crawled back over her, she could feel his wet tip grazing the skin of her thigh, making its way up to her throbbing entrance.

Noah kneeled, lifting her T-shirt up and pulling it off her body. For a moment they took in the sight of each other. Noah took her hand in his, leaning down so he could place it over his heart, her fingers splayed and palm flat.

'It's yours if you want it, all you have to do is take it,' he murmured, locking his fingers through hers. Y/N felt his pulse thrumming under her fingers. The look in his eyes told her everything she needed to know.

'Noah,' she breathed, 'Please...'

He smiled, leaning down and letting his hair fall around them, shrouding them from the outside world. Their breath mingled in the space between, creating an intoxicating fusion. Noah's lips pressed to Y/N's, his tongue gently running across her bruised lip. This time Y/N granted him entry, tasting herself on his tongue.

Y/N's fingers tangled in the hair at the base of Noah's scalp as she rolled her hips against him. She wanted him closer, desperate to feel him in every way.

Noah smirked as he broke the kiss, rising up and kneeling over her. He looked her over, seeing her pale skin flushed. Gingerly, he took her face in his hand, thumbing over her bottom lip again.

'Only I'm allowed to bite this, understand?' He purred. Y/N nodded obediently. 'Good.' His fingers began to descend, tracing a line down her body, grazing her collarbones, then her stomach, coming to rest on her hip.

With a firm grip, Noah wrapped his hands around her thighs again, hoisting them up so her entrance lined up with his cock. Once satisfied with her position, he placed a hand flat on her lower belly.

'Take a deep breath,' he instructed. Y/N did as she was told, breathing in deeply. Noah applied firm but gentle pressure to her lower belly, just above her pussy. 'Good,' he said, 'now breathe out slowly.'

As her breath left her body, Noah eased himself into her, his cock gliding through the pressure created by his hand and filling the space the air left behind, burying himself to the hilt. His head tipped back as she enveloped him, a soft groan leaving his throat.

'Holy fuck, Noah,' Y/N gasped. 'Where the fuck did you learn that?'

'I read things,' he said with a smirk, looking back down to her. 'Now, are you a tender girl? Or do you prefer rough?'

'Surprise me,' she said, her body aching for him. The evil glint in his eye only turned her on more.

Noah grinned, cautiously rolling his hips to thrust into her. She showed no signs of discomfort or hesitation, so he began to build a rhythm. Her eyes seemed to roll back into her head, telling him he was doing something right.

His hands trailed across her body, one reaching for her breast, the other for her neck. He rolled her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, eliciting more blissful whines from her.

'Fuck you're so beautiful,' he breathed, his thumb pressing on her throat lightly.

'Noah,' Y/N panted.

'Are you going to be my good girl?' He said, taking her chin in his hand and forcing her to look at him. Y/N could only nod. Anything he wanted, she would give him.

As quickly has he had pulled the belt from his pants, he reached for the leather strap and wrapped it around her wrists, pausing his rhythmic thrusts. He pulled the belt tight and offered the loose end to her lips.

'You want to bite something? Bite this. Hold it nice and tight for me, baby girl,' he instructed. Y/N took the leather into her mouth, following his orders and holding it so the tension on her wrists stayed firm. 'If you drop the belt, I'll stop, understand?'

She nodded quickly. Noah ran his thumb across her cheek, admiring the view. Her hands rested just above her pussy, her fingers stretched out to barely graze his skin. The leather of the belt ran up her body, disappearing in her cleavage as her bound arms forced her breasts together.

Agonisingly slowly, he drew himself out of her, watching her twitch in anticipation. He started softly, rolling his hips and letting his cock search for the spot on her upper wall. Each roll built up speed until his thrusts came quick and deep. His tattooed fingers clamped around her hip, his other hand working her clitoris with his thumb.

Y/N squirmed beneath him, her hips moving with his pace and her cheeks flushing bright as she fought to keep the belt clamped between her teeth. She wanted so badly to scream his name, but she would drop the belt and that meant he would stop. That was the last thing she wanted.

'Fuck, Y/N, I can feel how close you are,' Noah panted, feeling her muscles clenching and spasming around him. A twinge of pleasure ran up his body, making him grab at her thigh with a gasp.

The sudden movement made Y/N gasp, dropping the belt. Noah held true to his word, freezing as he buried himself deeply inside of her. He looked down at her sheepish face with a mischievous grin.

'So close, yet so far,' he said, breathing heavily. He slowly drew his cock out of her, almost expecting a pop, and lifted her up by pulling the strap of the belt. She sat up, her face just underneath his as he gazed down into her eyes.

'Have you ever ridden with your hands behind your back?'

Her cheeks turned pink, chewing her lip again. His hand found her cheek once more, pulling her lip away.

'What did I tell you? Only I'm allowed to bite this.' He leaned in, kissing her deeply and biting her lip hard. She winced at first, but her body melted into his, showing him she was more than okay.

Noah ran his fingers up her spine before repositioning. He fell back onto the bed, guiding her to straddle him by leading her with the belt. Carefully, Y/N balanced herself over him.

'Good girl, now lean down,' he guided, pulling her down to his face, her breasts brushing on his chest. He released her wrists from the belt, and she put her arms behind her back. 'Good,' he praised softly. Noah kissed her forehead as he bound her arms behind her back.

'You're a bit kinkier than I gave you credit for,' Y/N said, a giggle in her tone.

'Says the girl who knew exactly what to do.' Noah's flat palm slid down her body in the space between them. His fingers curled up, finding her slick pussy and sliding back into her with ease.

'Fuck...' she breathed, her body collapsing on top of him, her forehead on his and their noses brushing.

'God, I love it when you say that,' Noah told her, biting at her lip again. Another moan left her mouth, and her pussy clenched around his fingers, making his dick twitch in envy again.

She whined as his fingers retreated, but she rose up with ease. Y/N balanced herself over his stiff cock, carefully positioning herself and lowering down until the tip popped in. Noah's head fell back again, feeling her sink down onto him was almost enough to make him come.

'Fuck, Y/N, you feel so good.' Noah looked up to see his good girl, her arms bound behind her making her back arch. Her breasts on full display, watching as her body swallowed his cock.

And then she began to move. Leaning back, she supported herself on his knees, starting to roll her hips on his cock. Bit by bit the movements got bigger, drawing further out and plunging back into her as she bounced.

'Noah, I can't hold out much longer,' she panted.

'That's what I'm counting on,' he told her, reaching for her pussy. His fingers found her clitoris, massaging it as she fucked him. Her soft moans became louder.

'Fuck,' she whined, 'Noah, Noah.' She desperately tried to maintain her rhythm, but the orgasm shook her quickly, her pussy clenching hard on his cock. Noah groaned, her walls tightening and stroking him almost had him, but he wasn't done yet.

Y/N collapsed forward onto him again, her breathing heavy. He wrapped his arms around her spent form, kissing the top of her hair as her head rested on his chest.

'Breathe, baby,' he told her, letting her rest for a moment, 'I'm not done with you. One more, and then you're done.'

'One... More?' Y/N panted incredulously.

'This time, we come together, understood?'

'Understood,' she said, nodding. While she caught her breath, Noah released her arms from the belt, kissing her head and face wherever he could reach. As her breaths evened out, she looked up to him.

'Ready?' He asked. She nodded simply. Noah tangled their legs together, holding tightly around her back before rolling the pair of them. They moved in unison, Y/N now lying perfectly under him, his cock still buried in her tender pussy.

Y/N didn't get a chance to speak before Noah began to move. His thrusts came quicker, deeper than before. He reached a hand between them, tracing circles over her clitoris, and leaned in to kiss her deeply.

Y/N could feel her body revolting. One wasn't going to be enough. Noah could feel her pussy clenching already, his own orgasm growing closer. Her eyes rolled back, her body arching into his and her hands scrambling for purchase on his muscled arms.

The way her body responded to him built that familiar feeling in his gut, the warmth spreading through him. Soft grunts and groans left his mouth as she squeezed her thighs around his hips.

Noah dived down, taking her lip between his teeth again. He wanted to hear every sound Y/N could make, to taste every part of her. He wanted to own her, to be owned by her, words couldn't describe how much he needed her.

The change in position allowed him to thrust up into her, grazing that perfect spot again. A string of profanity passed her lips in panting bliss, making Noah smile as he kissed across her skin, only pausing at the spot just below her ear. He took her face, turning it to the side and exposing her neck. He trailed down her neck with few kisses, and then a firm bite, grazing his teeth along her tender skin. The squeal she made was all the approval he needed.

'Fuck, Y/N I'm so close,' he panted, coming back to her face. She nodded at him, her breaths ragged as she craned her neck to bite at his lip. Lightning shot down Noah's spine as he moaned. He could feel the tension begging to be released. He needed to come, and it needed to be inside her.

'God, Noah, baby please,' Y/N begged, her hands raking down his back in utter bliss. Another minor orgasm rocked her body, squeezing her walls tighter around him. She gripped at his hair, firing a wave of sparks across his scalp and down his back again.

'Fuck, now, baby,' he commanded through a gasping breath. Noah's high came racing on, the tight feeling in his lower stomach finally releasing. He refused to relent, thrusting spasmodically through his orgasm. Y/N matched his pace, her leg wrapping around his and crying out as another orgasm took over her.

'Noah! Fuck, Noah!' Y/N cried out, her arms tightening around his neck and holding his body to hers. The sound of his panting and moaning in her ear only added to her aftershocks. She could feel his cock twitching inside of her, knowing she would be dripping when he finally pulled himself out.

Spent, Noah laid himself gently on top of her, his head on her heaving chest and his hands running up her sides. Y/N felt his eyelashes brushing on her bare skin, tickling her breast. His heavy breathing matched hers. Looking down, she fell in love with the view. His deep brown eyes looking lazily up at her, filled with all the love in the world.

Y/N ran her fingers up his spine, feeling the muscles beneath his tattooed skin twitching at her tender touch. Noah hummed softly, a smile creeping across his lips.

'I could get used to this,' she said, letting out a long breath.

'You may have to, I don't think I can move,' Noah joked.

'I definitely can't, I can't feel my legs.' Noah reached down, finding her thigh and feeling her trembling legs. He massaged her leg with lazy strokes of his palm, earning a giggle from her.

'Oh yeah, these are definitely broken,' he mused, his hand splayed over her pale skin. He chuckled, moving his hand to scribble a pattern on her thigh with a single finger.

'What the fuck are you doing?' Y/N laughed.

'Signing my name, I was always told to sign my best work.' Noah grinned up at her, his cheeks flushed.

'For fucks sake.' Y/N ran her fingers through his hair, brushing it away from his face and cupping his warm cheek. Noah took her hand in his, pressing it to his lips and kissing her palm gently.

'So do you want it?' He asked softly.

'Hmm?'

With shaky limbs, Noah moved, carefully pulling himself out of her and smirking as she shook. He moved to her side, lying down on his back beside her and inviting her to cuddle into him. Y/N happily obliged, resting her head on his shoulder and draping her arm over his chest.

Noah took her hand, resting it over his heart once more. 'This,' he murmured, 'do you want it?'

Y/N smiled, understanding what he meant. She looked up to his face, guiding his hand from his chest to hers.

'Only if you take this,' she said. Noah could feel her pulse thundering beneath her skin. Her beautiful heart, beating for him if he wanted it.

'Anything for you.' He pressed a kiss to her forehead, closing his eyes and letting the scent of her fill his mind. The feeling of her soft body curling into his, their entwined hands, the sound of her breathing...

Noah never thought he could love someone so much so quickly, but here she was. Everything he never knew he wanted, wrapped in his arms and holding his heart.

'Promise me something?' He asked her softly.

'Mm?' She hummed, sleepily turning her face to his.

'Promise me you'll call me if you need someone? I don't need to know everything, but I need to know you're safe.' He reached for the edge of the blanket, tossing it over them to keep her warm.

'I promise I'll try,' she nodded, kissing his cheek. 'It might take a minute to get used to it, but I'll try.'

'That's all I ask,' Noah said, watching her eyes close as she nestled into the crook of his neck.

Noah let his eyes close, feeling a peace he hadn't felt in a very long time. Listening to the sound of her breathing, he kept her safe and warm while she dozed off in his arms.

'I love you,' he whispered as he dozed, feeling the corner of her lip twitch with a smile against his skin.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian x reader #bad omens #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian smut #bad omens cult #badomens #noah bad omens #bad omens band

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m0chis-cafe · 26 days ago

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Hello! This is my first time making a request, if it's okay, can I get a reader with Lillia, Rook, Vil and Leona who has recently been suffering from insomnia and anxiety about returning home (comfort in the end) Please? 😔🎀

i absolutely love this, i get horrible insomia. i gotchu♡

(edit: i ended up focusing on one more than the other in some, but both are mentioned. hope u still like it *mwah*)

reader suffering from insomnia and anxiety about returning home.. ⋆⑅˚₊

word count: 1.5k

warnings: mentioning of anxiety, and panic attacks (there will be major comfort though), sitting in laps, kissing, joking to help, mentioning of what happens in each of the characters books (i hope yall have read em before but js in case)

characters: leona, rook, vil, and lilia

leona kingscholar🦁

you paced the botanical gardens on campus, hands tangling in your hair s you thoughts went a million miles a second..

how am i going to get home?

how is my family.. god i miss them..

if im forced to stay here.. how do i even pass these crazy magic classes?

do the people here ive come to know even want me here or are they forced to cause i cant leave..

every new thought was another anxiety that just caused your breath to quicken. your thoughts were flooded with negatives.. if you had magic this is what youd assume a magic blot would feel like.. so much negative emotions piling into you all at once.

you eventually sat below a tree, knees curled to your chest as you tried to calm yourself down. it didnt help that you hadent slept in days, insomnia only getting worse since coming to nightraven.

yet no matter what you did your breaths wouldnt calm, your hands kept shaking, and you couldnt hear or see straight. you almost jumped right out of your skin as you felt hands grab your own that covered your face. looking up you saw brown hair and ears.. leona?

his voice made its way to you eventually, "herbavore? herbavore.. seriously c'mon your worrying me. ruggie said you ran off but i didnt think itd be this bad." he mumbled to himself before his hands slipped dwon to your biceps, "hey, listen to me." he spoke firmly.

your eyes eventually meet him, your breaths calmling slightly at his presence. taking large breaths through your lips as you looked up at him, arms shaking in his hold. "dont fall out on me now, we need you." he spoke lowly as he scopped you up with ease, placing you betwen his legs, "your alright now herbivore, whatevers going on in that head of yours, its gonna be alright, yea?" he placed a kiss on your forhead allowng you time to breath normally.

when your breaths calmed and body began to calm, you sighed and leaned more into his body, "thank you.. leona". he chuckled deeply, sloching more down the tree, letting you fall into his chest. "its fine kid, just glad your fine. did something happen?". your eyes widened before spilling, explaining your thoughts to him slowly, anxious to be a burden. when you ended he rolled his eyes and strted laughing.. at you?..

huh?

"you seriously think anyone here doesnt want you here? i think at this point those first years would fall apart without you, and as for finding your way home, crawley better. or ill personally kick his ass, alright herbavore?" you simply nodded your head and leaned into him smiling, "your really not as bad as they say you are.."

vil schoenheit🧺

vi had become obsessed with training for the dance competittion, day after day everyone was practicing for hours every day. you tried to be nothin bt supportive but your insomnia had only gotten worse with the recent stress of the compettition..

what will happen if we dont win?

everyone else looks so tired..

god im so tired.. when was the last time i slept multiple hours?

i wish i could just go home already..

you guys had gotten the first brea of the day, you sat against the wall between kalim and ace as they yapped about how excited they were to preform next week. listening to them had you distracted, your eyes fluttering closed.

a hand was placed on your shoulder, looking up you saw jamil crouched in front of you, "are you alright? you look terrible prefect" you heard ace and kalim repremand him for being so blunt, but you just shook your head trying to wake up, "im fine jamil.. just tired, thank you though"

he looked skeptical but quickly turned to make sure kalim was drinking water and taking a proper break. ace mumbled something under his breath that you barley couldnt catch before he stood up and walked towards vil who was with rook and epel, who were talking across the room.

you saw vil look down at ace with his arms crossed, he glanced at you as ace pointed a finger to you. vil abandoned his conversation with epel and rook, shooing away the others around you, "why wouldnt you say that you havent been sleeping, thats not proper conditions for you to be proforming in prefect."

"im fine vil-", he rolled his eyes and cut you off, "you look anything but, stand" he reached a hand down to you, pulling you up from the ground. your head swam with spots when you rose too quickly, stumbling into vil.

he wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you up, "poision.. is somethng truley wrong?" you looked up at him, eyes wide as he read you like a book. he quickly took your hand and dragged you out of the practice room and into the lounge at pomefiore.

he sat you down in one of the chairs and crouched in fron tof you, holding your face in his hands, "speak to me.." you sighed before explaining what had been happening, the stresses and not sleeping, the thoughts of never being able to go home.

he sighed and stood, sitting beside you and tugging you into his side, "i wish you would speak up when this happens, you know that id never wish to add to your burdens." he placed a kiss to your forhead before continuing, "we will find a way for you to go home, no matter how bitter sweet itll be, i do hope we find a way for you to go back and forth.. we would all miss you terribly here.. especially me." at his words you sighed and relaxed into his side, "ill find a way back, i could never just leave you guys.. especially you.

rook hunt🪶

you thought itd be easy to hide your emotions recently, but knowing rook he proably could already see through your mind..

i hope i can go home soon..

i wonder if time has passed back home and if my family is worried about me..

i need to stop stresing, i havent slept at all recently

these magic classes are getting harder with the lack of magic

you thought you kept a pretty good mask on arround others, yet as soon as you were walking from potions alone with rook he spoke up, "mon cheri.. have you been sleeping enough? your beauty is as blinding as always, alas you seem more tired than usual."

you shouldve known better than to try to keep something from him, he finds out everything sooner rathar than latter, "im alright, just worried about getting home, i guess its been affecting my sleep.."

"well theres no use in worrying cheri! i garuntee they will find a way to send you home! with that said i think a long rest for you is in place." he spoke cherfully as he laced your hands together and dragged you to pomefiore, you smiled at his actions and followed along.. he always here to look after me

lilia vanrough🦇

after dealing with blots from every other house, you thought hanging around diasmonia would be calming. yet as you sat in the lounge with silver, sebek, lilia, and malleus your thought still didnt stop running..

whos going to over-blot next?

will the next one be more powerful.. maybe too powerful..

i didnt have these struggles at home

even my sleep scheduals gotten worse.. late nights staying up with lilia and idia playing games have become much more often an occurance

im supposed to be relaxing, just breath..

your mind spaced out as you looked at the floor in front of you while stuck in thought. your hands tangled into your blazer sleeves as your breath quickened, your vision began to see spots before you felt a hand rest on top of your own in your lap.

"prefect, is something the matter?" your head snapped up and saw lilia who was sat beside you, a concerned look for once took over his boyish grin, "your not looking too good.. are you ill?" he placed a hand on you forhead attempting to asses if you were running a fever.

"im alright.. just missing home" you mumbled, offering him a small smile as you placed your head on his shoulder. he sighed, raisng your hand to press a kiss on the back of your hand, "well find a way for you to go back, i promise it my dear."

he wrapped an arm around your waist pulling you to lean more into him, "in the mean time, you havent been sleeping and its clear, get some rest prefect" his boyish grin returned as he pecked your cheek. he was right.. everything was gonna be ok.

you finally felt comfortble enough to fall into a deep sleep against him, with grim curled up into your lap mumbling about his dreams of tuna. surronded by people you became found of over you stay at nightraven, it wouldnt be bad to stay here, but you knew that there would be a way home.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #leona kingscholar #leona x reader #leona kingsholar x reader #vil schoenheit #vil x reader #vil schoenheit x reader #rook hunt #rook x reader #rook hunt x reader #lilia vanrouge #lilia x reader #lilia vanrouge x reader #mochiscafe<3

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star-suh · 28 days ago

Text

Make You Mine

Lee Donghyuck x Male Reader

cw: sub top haechan, power bottom reader, mentions of blood, sacrifice, marking, bareback, multiple rounds, nipple play, breeding, spit swallowing, slapping, rough sex, feminization, hair pulling, spanking,

an: inspired by madison beer's make you mine mv and the movie jennifer's body.

yn has always been the outcast at the university, the mean boys of his class always bullied him, throwing away his things in the trash or even to the point of physical violence. in that group of bullies is haechan, yn’s crush, but he doesn’t do anything to stop his friends for harming him. he’s that typical angel like face boy who claims he’s a good one but it’s just a farce, a mask he puts on when others are around. “i love you but i hate you” yn regrets every night recalling the memories of his crush. one night while walking towards his house from the convenience store yn is abducted by some guys that put a clothe with some liquid on his mouth. he tried to scream for help but not a single sound came from his mouth, they then put him inside a black van.

he then wakes up tied to a tree surrounded by candles and a big pentagram, “what the hell” he says while feeling dizzy, “what’s happening?”. “oh hey he is awake” one of the guys tell to the others and that’s when yn realizes that the guys that kidnapped him were his bullies and in between them is haechan, “are you scared, little lamb?” one of them asks. “w-what?..” yn starts to get desperate, the tight ropes burning on his skin, “let me go.. this .. this isn’t f-funny” he starts to panic and yell for help. “shush” one of them put his index finger on yn’s mouth, “we need you come on, don’t let us down”, “need me for what?”goosebumps take over his body, the fear intensified when one of them pulls out a dagger, “you see we want money, cars, the chicks but none of that would come to us if we keep being like this, studying doesn’t take you nowhere” he points the dagger towards yn “unless you have someone that can move his influences for you to get something so.. we choose the easy way” he licks the dagger and immediately afterwards he stabs yn “a deal with the devil, we just needed a virgin so you were the perfect choice” he pulls out the object and as if it was a fountain blood splashed everywhere, some of it even falling on haechan’s shoes. each one took turns to stab yn, he was trying to tell them something but he couldn’t, the pain was unbearable. they basically showered in his blood but not forgetting to place 5 cups full of his blood on each point of the pentagram. once again, as always yn felt disappointed in haechan as he died slowly, he was just there watching how his friends were having the time of his life killing an innocent…

next day in class the gang of bullies were acting as if nothing happened but haechan was the only one feeling preoccupied, the guilt was eating him. the door opens and what they saw made their skin crawl in fear, it was yn but not the same shy outcast yn, he was.. hot?. his hair was styled differently leaving his forehead uncovered, his clothes weren’t baggy anymore they were tight, leaving nothing to the imagination, it also showed them he was hiding a big ass down there, “that’s a big cake” one of the bullies murmured despite feeling fear. yn saw them and smiled at them, leaving them with their mouths open.

wanting to know what happened to him, who was supposed to be bug’s food by now, the gang of bullies decided to have a one night stand with him and get as many answers as possible out of him. something yn has already thought about so it made it easier for him to plot a revenge against them.

the next few weeks each one of the bullies disappeared ’’’’mysteriously’’’’, their bodies were found near the forest or in old abandoned houses. the first and only theory by now is that they were attacked by some wild animal due to their ripped bodies by what it seems are claws and razor sharp fangs, so all the town decided to hunt these so called monster, not knowing the real one was among them. haechan suspected from yn because the only ones dying were the ones who took part in that ritual, and he was the next and last one of the gang. he avoided yn all he could, he even sleeps with a gun next to his bed now, how did he got it? no one cares. one day he decided to follow yn after classes to try to confirm his suspicions. yn was moving further and further away from the city and into the abandoned houses where one of his friends was found. haechan enters the same house yn entered and carefully to not make any sound he pulls the gun out and points it at anything that made a sound. his hands were shaking, fear taking over his body, “hey haechan” yn abruptly greeted him, making him shoot at him, “be careful with that, stupid” yn said with some anger in his tone.

“i know you’re the one behind that killing spree” he blurted out, “you’re supposed to be dead” he yells at yn “what are you?”.

“i’m yn silly. well… a better version of him actually” the calmness of his voice sending shivers down haechan’s spine “thanks to those bastards you used to call friends” he laughs “they did something good in their life at least” he walks towards haechan, “stop or i’ll shoot” he says desperately. yn storms towards haechan putting the cold metal of the gun right at his chest “i dare you to do it, but would you be able to?” his iris turning white and his pupil into a slit like when a feline is chasing a prey “thought so” haechan can feel the disappointment in his voice “you’re just a pussy haechannie” he takes a deep breath and yells “you’ve never been able to do something on your own” slapping haechan’s hand making him throw the gun away. haechan falls to the floor and crawls away from yn “what the fuck are you?” he asks once again, yn crouches down and starts to walk sensually in all fours, chasing haechan “you’re stupid ass friends offered me in sacrifice thinking i was a virgin but i wasn’t” haechan’s back hits against a wall and yn corners him, his face now on the side of haechan’s “you shouldn’t assume other’s sexual life, channie” he whispers.

haechan felt mesmerized, was he wrong for liking this side of yn?, maybe this is his punishment for not doing anything to stop his friends bullying yn. he was ready to be ripped into pieces to death but instead he felt kisses?, yn’s lips latched against his neck already leaving hickeys on it. “w-what” he moaned, “all this foreplay made me so horny haechannie” yn admits putting his hand on haechan’s growing bulge, “it wasn’t a foreplay dumb bitch i was trying to kill you” yn talks back. “seeing you trying to act all manly fuckkkk… my ass is itching for you and your friend here looks like he wants it too” he grabs the bulge hard drawing a loud moan out of the other’s mouth…

“you’re being such a good boy channie” yn spoke while riding haechan’s rock hard cock, “hmm?” haechan asks, his face buried in between yn’s chest sucking his nipples, “yeah” yn reassures. haechan also grabs yn’s dick and put it against his toned abs so he can rub it there while he rides, “those abs are making my dick feel so good channie, i wanna paint them in white”, “please” he begs already falling into submission.

“be a fucking man and pound me hard” yn demands slapping haechan’s cheek, haechan’s pace grow faster and faster, his dick reaching parts no one has ever reached before “yes yes right there! fuhh..” he lets out all the air, feeling haechan brushing his prostate. “fuck i’m gonna cum” haechan cries, emptying his load inside yn, after he rode his high he tries to pull out but yn clenches his hole hard with a superhuman strength, not letting the other’s dick to go away “we’re not done here” he licks his lips “demon pussy isn’t satisfied by just one load”.

yn rides once again haechan while spitting inside his mouth and haechan swallows it with no complaints, he was so ass drunk that the only thing that crosses his mind is to satisfy yn’s needs. “uff, yeahh… i’m gonna milk you dry channie” yn plays with his nipples and then with haechan’s, “give me your next load” he sits hard and faster and on top of that he grips again with that superhuman strength he apparently possess now overwhelming haechan in the process who couldn’t take it anymore and just lets out his sperm inside him once again. the next hours yn kept milking him until not even pre-cum came out of him, some times haechan tries to take control by pulling yn’s hair or spanking him until his ass is bright red but somehow yn always manages to take back the control and made him writhe and cry in pleasure. their hair sticking on their foreheads due to the sweat, the beads of it rolling down their bodies, especially on haechan’s abs they’re so perfect that yn could pass a whole day licking them non-stop. for the last load haechan fucked yn in a roast chicken position so he can have an easy access to his cum-filled hole. his thrusts churned the sperm inside and also caused some delicious gushy wet sounds, “yeahh keep filling this pussy up, use your own cum as lube” he pouts. after some final nasty words the last load from haechan’s balls were deposited on yn’s cumdump hole and after a kiss haechan falls tired on top of yn’s body.

haechan’s life has been spared by yn but in return he has to find new victims or at least a way to suppress yn’s hunger for human flesh and also let him use him as his human dildo, something that he didn’t mind because the sex was good and his dick feels amazing inside yn’s warm demon pussy.

#lee haechan x male reader smut #lee haechan x male reader #lee donghyuck x male reader smut #lee donghyuck x male reader #male reader #kpop x male reader #kpop x male reader smut #smut #male reader smut #nct 127 x male reader smut #nct 127 x male reader #nct dream x male reader smut #nct dream x male reader #nct u x male reader smut #nct u x male reader #nct x male reader smut #nct x male reader

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rileyslibrary · 1 year ago

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Idk if you’re taking commissions rn but if you are.. Can you do one where reader acts as Ghosts weighted blanket after an anxiety attack? I feel like he’d love that xx

I’m glad you asked for the reader to act as Ghost’s weighted blanket instead of the other way around because that would be like being flattened by a road roller. Also, it is good to note that anxiety attacks are not the same as panic attacks. Yes, they do have some similarities, but they differ. This story is about Ghost having an anxiety attack, so bear that in mind.

And let’s be clear here: he would never explicitly ask you to do such a thing.

Never.

In fact, he would never ask you to do anything that would need you to be physically attached to him, neither from the front nor back. And his anxiety, if he ever suffers from it—which I’m sure he does because, come on, who doesn’t in our times, plus it is mentioned in the comics—he can cover it pretty well.

But it takes one to know one, right? You’ve had your fair share of anxiety attacks; you know they are not sudden or obvious. Instead, they develop slowly, gradually. That sense of general unease lingers, haunting him for weeks, even months. He doesn’t start trembling or shaking out of nowhere. This one is subtle but constant, like a leaky faucet that drips every few seconds. He feels restless and triggered by something vague that he can’t understand himself. All. The. Time.

He knows what a panic attack is; he experienced it multiple times before, mainly due to the nature of his work. But an anxiety attack? To a soldier who associated the word “attack” with something swift, sudden and imminent? There’s no such thing as an anxiety attack to him.

No.

He doesn’t comprehend this constant need to stay in control, why he’s always tense, his inability to take a full, deep breath. To him, that’s just how his body functions. Relaxation has been a foreign concept since childhood, so he’s normalised it. And he learned how to bear these symptoms instead of understanding what triggers them and learning how to alleviate them.

You’ve observed the pattern; he tends to become like that a few months before a mission, so you were able to put one and one together.

And one day, you find him lying face-down on the bed. Something prompts you, and you crawl on top of him. He shifts and asks you, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing”. Maybe he even tries to stand up while you are on his back, and you ask him to trust you; he’ll see.

He’s hesitant but obeys, though he’s more alert than ever now. You settle on top of him; he feels like he’s carved from wood, but not because of his physique. He’s tense. Stiff. Rigid. He’s afraid to let go. He holds his breath. His palms are pressed into the mattress beside his chest, ready to spring into a burpee and launch you back to where you came from.

Yet he doesn’t do it. Slowly his muscles relax under your body, and you feel him gradually—though clumsily—release tension in each body part; his legs, back, and then his shoulders. He finally lets go of the breath he’s been holding, replaced by a long exhale, his first in months. He places his hands on the sides of his body and lets out a repressed chuckle.

You ask him why he’s laughing, and he asks you to turn your face away because you are breathing into his ear. You comply.

With you not watching, he can finally close his eyes now. Good.

But even Ghost can take so much weight. Or so much intimacy. After a while, he snaps out of it, and he wriggles out from under you, letting you fall on the mattress, muttering a brief “Enough.” He doesn’t thank you for anything. What did you really do? Yes, he feels a little lighter, and his mind is clearer, but all you did was rest on him. That’s all. No need to thank you for that.

He needs it, though. Again and again. No, he doesn’t need you, of course. No, silly. He craves that sensation again—letting go. So whenever he feels overwhelmed, he awkwardly gestures toward his back and asks you sternly to “do that thing”. And you try to suppress your laughter and obey his command.

And slowly, just like his anxiety attacks come and go, he realises that it’s not just your weight on top of him that soothes him. It’s you, your will to make him feel better, your heart beating against his back, your form attached to him that makes all this chaos in the world feel a little bit more manageable than before.

#simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x gn!reader #simon ghost riley x y/n #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost riley fic #simon ghost riley fanfiction #simon riley x reader #simon riley x y/n #simon riley x you #simon riley #call of duty #ghost cod #cod ghost #ghost cod mw2 #modern warfare 2 #cod mwii #ghost cod mwii

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crazy-lazy-elder-sims · 2 months ago

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Hey everyone im making this post because i see the engagement and donations for palastnian go fund me's have become almost zero, im here to appeal to you to pick it up again but at the same time tell you a new reason why you should

And its not because of anything anyone else is talking about its because of winter

Winter

Yes you heard me right winter

Now let me explain something about the winters in this region, im north African and im privileged enough to have a home and little money to buy a blanket and

I still almost died twice from the sudden drops of temperature especially at night.

I was wearing six layers every single heavy clothes i had and it wasn't enough because i dont have enough money to buy more higher quality sweaters and wool clothes i had to make do with what i had and it still isnt enough

Both times i had to be rushed to the hospital and both times i was told i was on the brink of death

We dont have snow here its a desert climate but that means when its cold its DRY cold no humidity no vapour nothing if your body like mine can't adjust fast enough to the sudden sharp drops of temperature then you are cooked. Winters are a truamtic time for me every time the weather starts to turn i have multiple panic attacks and become extremely paranoid and depressed because i know im going to suffer this is all again with me having a home and little winter clothes

Palastnians and palastnian children have to face this cold without being able to afford winter clothes without having a home or a blanket or heavy clothes socks or shoes or a fire or any heat source.

What am i asking you then?

Im asking you while you are preparing for winter this year and buying a new coat or a blanket please consider donating the price of a second coat or blanket to any go fund me you find. It would be like buying 2 coats or 2 blanket and gifting the second one to a palastnian friend.

I share go fund me's here every day as much as i can while trying not to get shadow banned but you can go to any of the vetted lists being shared on tumblr and pick up one or go to this lovely person who shares vetted fundraisers and pick one.

Also here is a google document with more vetted links this is the original one and most trustworthy as its made by palastnian people.

Remember anything helps.

Thank you guys ❤️

Free Palestine, free the world.

#please share around if you can #mutual aid

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t1oui · 3 months ago

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going to school and being friends with percy jackson would be REALLY WEIRD so let's discuss it rq

he gets dropped off every day in his stepfather's car, which inexplicably has hoof prints on the hood?

the panic attacks... there's a lot of them, and nobody can even tell what's triggering them at this point

the old counselor disappears about a week into his first year at AHS (here's some cotg lore for yall) and is replaced by a weird lady who finds a way to bring percy up to every. single. student. who visits her office.

randomly disappears multiple times throughout the year

very very sea green eyes and a gray streak in his hair

once got out of the pool after swim practice and was completely dry (he insists it was a trick of the light)

the blue food obsession ofc

talks about his girlfriend annabeth all the time... even his friends are convinced it's a "my canadian girlfriend" situation bc he never calls her. he doesn't even have a PHONE

always carries around a pen in his pocket and even though it's just a shitty old ballpoint, NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH IT. also he never uses it. ever.

every teacher has sent an email with their concerns about him to the counselor and when that doesn't work to his parents. the responses are always very awkward and vague

talks about his bio dad a lot... never explicitly negative but bro clearly has daddy issues lol

will sometimes randomly mention camp/war/gods and then brush it off like it never happened

absolutely vibrated in his seat the entirety of the greek mythology unit... told the teacher "a demigod named perseus fought ares once" and the teacher just assumes he means the og (aka the one he's named after)

that one upbeat popular guy everybody knows absolutely nothing about, his friends included

they probably have a spreadsheet with all the info they actually DO know about him

finds a way to brag about his mom in every conversation no matter how irrelevant... his friends are used to it atp

everyone's so used to seeing him smiling and laughing that when, say, he catches a younger kid being bullied, it's actually terrifying to see how angry he gets. everybody in that hallway gets chills

there's something off about him and nobody can tell what. that's just how he is

sometimes weird people in weird outfits are hanging around the school and they're ALWAYS looking for him.

every time someone asks what college he's going to he gives a different answer or straight up avoids answering so nobody actually knows

(if he says a school and someone is like "omg me too" he changes his answer right then and there lol... he's like "oh nvm i forgot i'm actually going here my bad" and the person is so confused)

nobody ever sees him working on college applications but he complains about having to do them all the time... bro is like "yeah i had to go through a sewer system but at least my girlfriend and my best friend were there" and his friends are like yo HUH

never explains anything he says

presentation night presentation = all the shittiest things my family has done and he's laughing about it but wdym your aunt kidnapped you and gave you amnesia???

sometimes he's getting fed up with a teacher or another student and a pipe randomly bursts in the school. like it's weird how often his anger ends in a plumber being called when he's nowhere near the problem

where everyone else is excited to watch a movie and chill in class, percy complains through the entirety of hercules - not just "oh this movie sucks", more like "god hercules is such a dick, idk why they made him chill in this movie"

the weirdest part is how, when percy complains about zeus being a good dad in the movie, it starts thundering outside

nobody can keep track of how many schools he's been to at this point... there's a whole section of the spreadsheet for this

when percy's friends finally meet annabeth they are SHOOK bc they truly did not think this girl was real

alright i can't think of anything else but if i DO i will add on later

#pjo hoo toa #chalice of the gods #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackson #paul blofis #annabeth chase #percabeth #pjo

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soo0hee · 10 days ago

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In the Middle of the Night...

Pairing — Yoon Jeonghan x afab!Reader

Summary — One year after the snap your life finally is going back to normal again and with insomnia and nightmares plagueing your sleep, you do things you usually wouldn't. Thankfully a little spider is ready to swoop in...

Genre — angst, a hint of fluff, SpidermanAu

Warnings — Depression, mentions of ED, mentions of suicide, alcoholism, guns, mentions of kidnapping, sexuall assault, panic attacks, tell me if i missed sumn

Word Count — 2.8k

Rating — NSFW

A/N — Spidey!Hannie is here my babes, wifes and loves! @tusswrites @tomodachiii @svtiddiess @welcometomyoasis @diamonddaze01

Disclaimer: this fic is written and copyrighted by ©soo0hee on tumblr. do not rewrite or repost on any other plattforms without my permission.

You knew that it wasn't a good idea to leave your apartment at ass o'clock in the morning, if it could even be called that already. Most citizens of Seoul were dead asleep at this hour.

Most, but not you. Not when the nightmares of losing your loved ones were still plaguing you to this day. Making it impossible to sleep even now, 5 years later and with everyone who had vanished with the snap coming back again.

5 years of surviving as what you had done could not be called living.

You remembered the screams on the street of people vanishing into dust or of those who had to watch those they loved disappear. You could still feel how the hand you were holding was suddenly gone and you turned around just to witness the horrified look of your baby sister as she to turned to dust.

You felt your throat hurting as you screamed terrified just like half of the earths population and only when things had settled a bit where you able to drag yourself home feeling numb and like you had no joy left in your body just to find everyone gone.

Only your mother was left behind, sobbing in the ruins that had once been the living room of your familys home. They were all gone. Your father, brother, sister and even your beloved cat. It was only you and your mother left. Until the day you came home from your job only weeks later to find that she had left you too.

The blood on the kitchen floor had already started do dry as it seemed to cover every single tile it could reach. The missing knife on the counters cooking block and the metallic smell hanging in the air had burned itself into your memory.

Alone, mourning the disappearance of your family and your missing best friend Jeonghan you fell into a hole that swallowed you and held onto your being with sharp claws.

5 years of missing different puzzle pieces of yourself that left you wondering if you would ever be okay again.

Inclined to ignore the knock on your new apartments door you stayed on the couch with your cloths looking like they had been worn for weeks, which at that point was probably true and you desperately needing a shower and proper meal. But the knocking had been insistent and annoyed you threw your blanket to the floor, almost tripping over multiple take out boxes as you marched over to the door. The peephole was covered from the outside so you were unable to see who it was.

Growling out a curse that got stuck in your throat as soon as you saw who had been covering the peephole with his finger.

Jeonghan, still slightly out of it after having been brought back and having been explained what had happened had immediately went to your old home just to find a creepy stranger who looked like he had been nursing on one whiskey bottle after the other. Determined to find you again to see if you were okay, it had taken him a few days do find you and when he finally did, all he could think about was you. From his friends he already knew that you hadn't vanished after the snap just like they had warned him about the state he might find you in, yet when the door opened Jeonghan felt like he had been punched in the guts.

His best friend, the person he'd do anything for, looked like an empty shell of e person she used to be. It was obvious that the last years have not been kind to you and it took everything in him not do cry for the happy girl you used to be. The light in your eyes was gone, your hair a giant mess and even underneath the hoodie you were wearing, a hoodie he was 100% sure had once been his, he could see that you had drastically lost weight.

Jeonghan had barely caught the door as you slammed it shut or at least tried to before running to hide in the bathroom. He listened to the hysteric crying for maximum 2 seconds before breaking down the door after having heard the shattering of a mirror, scooping you into his arms as you begged for the hallucinations to finally stop torturing your mind.

He didn't mind the blood spilling from your bare knees as you sat in between the mirror shards littering the ground as he fought against you while you fought against him and the demons you were seeing in your terror and only when he forced your face to look at him did you finally give in, finally believing him when he promised that it really was him and not your mind playing tricks on you.

God, just how many times had you seen him when in reality he had still been gone?

Until you had calmed down, hours had gone by when you had passed out from exhaustion right into his arms and for you to get better it had taken much longer.

That was 1 year ago and so far, things were going ok. Telling your family about the tragedy that happened while they were gone had put a strain on all of them and while everyone was trying to live with this new reality, distance had grown larger then you thought possible. But they were back, and that was enough for you.

Now though, you were suffering another night of insomnia so you had grabbed your phone and started your journey to Jeonghans place.

Seoul at 3 am was not your favorite place and walking past dark alleyways gave you slight serial killer movie vibes. Tightening your hold on your phone you dialed Jeonghans number, hoping you wouldn't wake him up.

"Hello there, sunshine! Why are you awake?" your friends far to awake voice rang through the speaker.

"You know, I could ask you the same thing." You countered and earned a huff from the other.

"Yahh, at least I'm in bed unlike a certain someone, right?" he answered just as the honking of a car was much closer on his side of the line then it could be if he was in bed.

"Didn't know that your bed is out on the streets now..." you called him bluff. "I'll be at your place in 15, you know."

There was a moment of silence on his side.

"Wait, you're outside? y/n! It's 3 am! That's so dangerous!" Jeonghan whisper yelled and you faltered a little in your steps, unsure if you should continue your way.

“Sorry... I just couldn't sleep again and-"

You looked around yourself, suddenly feeling like you were being watched.

"Please, go home. Try for me! I'll be over in a bit but please go home!" His voice was urgent in a way you had never heard before. It made you nervous.

"I'm already at the sandwich place not that far and-" You were silenced when you rounded the corner, starring right into the barrel of a gun. The men in front of you, 3 in total were covered in black, guns ready to be used in their hands.

"Gimme the phone darling!" the one pointing his weapon at your face snapped. Fear took a hold of you and with shaking hands you did as told. Jeonghans paniked voice rang through the speaker, having heard what has been said on the other side.

"Not your night it seems like." One of the others cackled at your misery.

The third one grabbed your arm roughly, pulling you along into one of the alleyways while completely ignoring your struggles against his hold.

"No, please let me go! I didn't see anything and I-" you begged, voice wavering as you were pushed against a wall.

"Pull of your shirt."

No. No, this wasn't happening. Or was it?

Apparently you were taking to long.

"I said, take. It. Off!"

You whimpered and reached for the zipper of your jacket. The cold air making you shiver when you exposed yourself to the night and reached for the hem of your shirt. "Please don't do this. Let me go home and you can leave too and-" Pain shot through you as you got struck across the face by the gun.

"Shut up and lose the shirt, bitch."

“Now I do have to ask, is that a way to talk to a lady? Did your mother not teach you any respect!”

3 heads + yours flew around only to find…

Nothing.

“Up here, pabo-ya.”

The heads flew up and came face to face with Seouls very own friendly neighbor hood spider.

He was hanging of the side of the building, head tilted to the side and web attached to the building.

“Fuck off Spiderboy. This is our business and not your’s.” the one with the gun growled annoyed and you could hear the sound of dissatisfaction when the hero jumped down to land on the ground.

“We agree to disagree; is that the way to talk to a lady? Seriously guys, you are not exactly being gentlemen here.” The red masked guy taunted happily as he took two steps closer, causing the other 3 to build a barrier between you and him.

You frantically looked to the side, hoping to find something you could use to defend yourself while Spiderman distracted them enough for you to reach for the pipe laying not to far away. You probably would even have noticed if they weren’t busy trying to scare the uninvited guest off.

The 3 gangsters were pissed, you could hear that even with having heard only half of what was being said and just when the first gun shot rang through the alley, you reached for the pipe you had eyed before.

The sound the metal made when it collided with the mans head that was closest to you would have on a normal day made you sick, but not now you only heaved as you watched him sink to the ground.

Spiderman, having taken down the gunner and now busy fending of the last one webbed his hands together, earning him a loud roar of anger which you silenced with another swing of your own weapon of choice.

You came face to face with the friendly neighborhood spider and for a moment you just stood there in silence until you could hear the sound of sirens in the distance.

The groans of the 3 taken down idiots filled the night and spiderman made quick business webbing everyone to the ground before shooting one up in the air to get ready to swing off; the other holding out to you for you to take.

“Unless you want to stay here to make a police report that the police of Seoul is to stupid to follow through with anyway, I can swing us out of here?”

Hesitant but cold you took it and suddenly he had is arm wrapped around your waist and held onto him for dear life while swinging through the night.

The wind tugged at your hair and clothes and you prayed to everyone who would listen that Spiderman wouldn’t drop you. You weren’t particularly keen on ending as human pancake on the asphalt.

Your feet hit the ground or more like a roof top. The rooftop of your best friends apartment building to be exact. Having spend countless of nights up here with him to chase the nightmares away just trying to feel his presence in the last 5 years right on this roof, you knew exactly where you were.

The question was just- no… this had to be a coincidence, for sure…

“You really shouldn’t be out this late, it’s not safe for a lady like you.” Spiderman said and now that you had calmed a little after your adrenalin rush, something about the chiding tilt of his voice rang a bell in the back of your head.

“Yeah, my friend told me as much… I was on my way to his place when i– you know.”

The hero nodded knowingly. “Yeah about that…” he stated calmly before suddenly ripping the mask of his head and your best friend long black hair fall in front of his face. “What the hell, sunshine?!”

What. The. Fuck????

Mouth basically on the floor you stared in Jeonghans horrified face. It was funny. Shouldn’t you be the one to feel like that upon finding out that your best friend was fucking Spiderman???

“What are you doing outside this late? Were you trying to get yourself killed? Do you know how scared I was when you called?”

But it made sense. His late nights. The fact that he brought you here. His voice.

“You belong in bed! Not out on the streets at 3 fucking am!”

Jeonghan paced in front of you, hand furiously buried in his hair and tugging on it while you still stood frozen on the roof.

“God I think my heart stopped for a moment because of it! You’re going to be the reason I go bald early and I hope you know that I will make you pay for every single hair dye job I get because of it!”

Your mind slowly caught up with the situation even if it gave you a headache. You rubbed your temple with the tips of your fingers hoping to make the incoming pain go away before it really started while Jeonghan kept ranting to himself without looking at you.

“Jeonghan.”

“And not even that but what if I hadn’t come in time? Huh, what then?”

You tried again.

“Jeonghan!”

Failing.

“You could have been kidnapped, thrown in a ditch or what not!”

You inhaled deeply.

“Or, or you could–“

“JEONGHAN!”

“WHAT?”

He whirled around to finally face you. Realizing the situation you were in his stressed look changed into something akin to surprise.

“You–“ you stopped talking to gather your thoughts. “Are so lucky I love you or I might have killed you for keeping this from me!” you spit out, livid about the entire situation. You felt betrayed.

Spider man had been around for years, save for the years after the snap. Did that mean that Jeonghan had lied to you about this since the beginning? I had to be, there was no other explanation other then-

FUCK!

The words that had left your mouth came back to you.

You’re lucky I love you… You’re lucky I love you…

The words echoed back, taunting you like the kids on the playground.

“You-“

“NOT THE POINT, YOON JEONGHAN!” You yelled out in panic.

“We are talking about this!”

“Right after you tell me what all this is about?” You gestured wildly to his mask and suit.

The black webs on red of his spandex contrasted starkly even in the dark of the night and Jeonghan had the guts to look sheepish.

“y/n, I- it’s complicated okay. There was this incident a few years with a radioactive spider and now I’m your friendly neighborhood spider. Please don’t hit me?”

His words came out so fast that you had trouble following.

“Still considering on that.” You shrugged, hands crossed over your chest.

You always had a weakness for Jeonghans puppy eyes and this time, just like the countless times before, they made you melt like butter in the sun.

“I hate you so much right now.” You sighed and Jeonghan cracked a smile.

“No, you don’t. You looove-“

Glaring hard at his smug grin you stared at the ground when Jeonghan stepped closer. You shivered in the cold of the night and your best friend gently loosened the grip you had on upper arms, taking your hand into his.

“I’m sorry, sunshine. I should have told you. Maybe then things like tonight wouldn’t have happened” He raised his free hand to your face, fingers trailing down the side of it and sending shivers down your spine. This time not because of the cold.

“You were there, weren’t you? Just like always.” You swallowed with a lump forming in your throat.

“But I almost wasn’t.”

Whispering into the night quiet enough so a normal person wouldn’t have heard it. “Yet you were, and now get me inside. I’m still freezing and I’m tired.”

Jeonghan laughed loudly, hurrying to pull you towards the door to get inside you followed willingly. You would definitely make him tell you about everything in the morning and god better be with him when you do cause it will be the day Yoon Jeonghan will regret not doing so in the beginning.

But for now, all you wanted was get some much needed sleep.

“So you lo-“

“I will hit you!”

#the diamond life network #k-library #k-labels #k-vanity #seventeen #yoon jeonghan #jeonghan #yoon jeonghan x reader #yoon jeonghan x you #yoon jeonghan x y/n #yoon jeonghan imagines #yoon jeonghan angst #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #seventeen x y/n #seventeen imagines #seventeen angst #divider by cafekitsune

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hyukaslvr · 6 months ago

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strong enough | J. Jungkook (3)

<series masterlist

pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

genre/tags: idol! Jungkook, idol! reader, idiot exes to lovers, slow burn ; k-drama feels (our beloved summer but not at the same time), angst, drama, fluff, smut

warnings: foul/explicit language, alcohol consumption, unhealthy coping mechanisms, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters, panic attacks, reader is harsh towards Jungkook, Jungkook is a meanie! smut, oral sex Jungkook makes your squirt, public(?) sex, teasing, pet names; baby, love, bunny, good girl, princess. facesitting, fingering, i think that’s all!

w.c: aproxx 10.2k

series summary: you and Jungkook have too many personal problems, during and after your relationship and it keeps getting brought up. you both had tried multiple times to ignore the fact you were both struggling mentally and physically due to your workplace, but you always run back to each other. maybe one day, one day you'll get back to each other, with all your problems handled, maybe not. all you want is for him to shine like he always does, all he wants is you.

a/n at very bottom!

you felt breathless as you stared at your ex, the one you’ve been trying to distance yourself away from for months because you have problems. yet, he keeps ending up in front of you looking like he was going to devour you from below. Jungkook would always treat you right, letting you tangle his hair or slap his arms and face when he teases you. he will do anything for you.

“friends? i mean, we could just talk occasionally but i really think you should sit right about now-”

at that, you leaned in, kissing him hard. you tilted your head to kiss him from a better angle, you cupped your favorite cheeks to pull and squish, gasping at the feeling of him wrapping his arms around your waist as you make out with him passionately. you practically whine when he pulls away to speak again, your lips chasing after his desperately.

“i’m gonna make you feel so good, baby, don’t you understand? you won’t regret being my friend,” you can hear in his tone that he’s playing with you, knowing you guys won’t ever be fine as friends, but you get to fuck this beautiful being below you, who you have hard as a rock below you just from kissing you.

“Jungkook- touch me!” you say, slightly rubbing yourself against his hard on, letting yourself take control as you grab the hair on the back of his head.

“sit on my face, princess, pretend its a pretty throne to get your juices on,”

the sight between your legs should be in a museum, specifically painted with oil pastels to really bring out the glossy shine of Jungkook’s sweaty forehead while he continues to eat you out from below. his hand held tightly around your thighs, not letting your go anywhere but on his tongue fucking deep in you and his nose rubbing your clit over and over again just how you like it. you wanted to scream, rip his hair out of his head between your fingers as you tug on it between every thrust of his tongue.

you grinded down on his tongue and nose, letting yourself feel and deserve everything his pretty mouth was giving you at night at the beach on a blanket from a random car Jungkook picked you up in after sneaking you out of your dorm. how did you get here? you thought as your legs started to tremble, Jungkook feeling your legs squeeze slightly against his head as he moans at the feeling of being squished by your juicy thighs.

“oh fuck!” you whined, throwing your head back as his slaps your tits slightly and his mouth leaves your heat. his face was covered in your juices when you looked down, a glossy smirk appeared on his face as his hands push your legs up and he pushes you back on your back in a smooth movement, “making me scream in the middle of the beach, huh? how fucking cheesy,” you growl, he spreads your legs open hard at your words. he shoves his body between your legs and forces them to hang off his shoulders.

“watch your tone, baby,” he warns, licking around his lips to taste you some more, you whimper at the sight of his swollen lips and his tongue that was just deep inside of you. “what do you want me to do to you, my love? i’ll do whatever you tell me to do,” he says lowly, leaning down into your ear as his hard on presses against your heat once again.

“fingers! use your fingers on me,” you moan out as Jungkook’s hands creep down to the sides of your thighs and squeezes them between his palm. one of his hands slides between your thighs and onto your heat. he doesn’t even bother to mention how wet you were, you feel the slick on your inner thighs. he begins to slide a finger in, curling it up and hitting your sweet spot before pulling back out and adding another.

he does this until 4 of his fingers are fucking into you, he whispers sweet nothings into you ears as you squirm underneath him. you gripped the back of his neck forcing him to come down to your lips, kissing you with passion and lust as he picks up his speed, ramming his finger deep into you in a quick speed.

“you love my fucking long fingers, don’t you? taking them like a good girl, baby. they fit your slutty hole perfectly,” he speaks against your lips, making you shiver as the warm bubbles appear in your stomach again, signaling your release, “you gonna come, baby? i can feel your insides gripping the shit out of my fingers, dirty girl,” he growls as his fingers reach places yours could never in you.

“Jungkook! baby- i can’t-”

“fucking take my fingers, sweetheart, you can fucking do it. come all over them, make me proud as always,” and that did it for you, you gasped for air as all your senses raised as everything tight you were holding released, letting your hips grind against his hand as he moans at the feeling of your insides clenching on his soaked fingers.

“such a dirty mouth,” you shiver in his arms, he holds you with his chin on your top of your head. he hums in agreement and you giggle in response, taking his tattooed hand into yours as your trace the letters on his knuckles.

“after this, we can do whatever you would like starting now on. if you want me, i’m here. if want me to comfort you, i’m here. if you want me away from you, i’ll distance myself. whatever you want, baby, i’m all yours,” Jungkook says, and you know he means it by the way he looks at you, trying to search your eyes to make sure you’re doing okay and understanding him. the things Jungkook will do for you, and only you.

“when will i see you again?” you duck your head into the car window to speak to Jungkook better as the night became morning quicker than expected, car horns can be heard all across the city. he bites his lip ring in thought, you wanted to roll your eyes because youu couldn’t tell if he was acting like he didn’t know his own schedule for the next week.

“you wanna see me that bad again, darling?” he lets go of his ring with a pop from his lips before his mouth curves into a smirk, knowing he has an affect on you. your face flushes, rolling your eyes to try dismissing the fact he made you all flustered, “i don’t think i’m busy this weekend, but maybe i’ll see you around, sweets. maybe i’ll come visit you during my free time,”

“maybe, and- um, thank you. thank you, Jungkook,”

“for what?” even you had to think about it, why were you thanking him? you bit your lip, slipping your head out from the rolled down window, and saying goodbye to Jungkook quickly before it gets any brighter out.

you obviously knew you were being confusing. first, you didn’t want anything to do with Jungkook. then, you have that talk with him. now, you just got home from getting two blissful orgasms taking out of you at a beach in the middle of the night by him. you wanted to process things but you just know you’ve gone too far and too distracted from you mission. your mission to stay away from Jungkook as much as you can.

usually, you would ask what to do after that; especially after he said he would willingly be anything to be around you, even being your friend; a friend that can fuck you, that is.

“i’m going to let things flow the way they should, if something happens it does,” you finish to your therapist, you couldn’t tell if she was disappointed or worried for you by the look on her face. either way, she sat up straight and began to talk.

“what do you want? Jungkook wants to be in your life, just even the slightest. he’s letting you go, ‘hey! back off, no more,’ or he’s letting you openly have sex with him as a ‘friend’,”

“maybe it’s not just about sex! we dated for awhile, it’s hard to let someone go like that,” you ponder, picking at the skin around your nails before your therapist reaches out for your hands.

she takes a deep breath, then speaks again, “the whole reason for no contact was for you to figure out yourself and let yourself heal before you help him with anything. being just friends is even a hard task because he’s still just Jungkook in your eyes. do you think your ready for any of this? i know it’s been 6 months but, are you sure your willing to bring down that wall you built up for yourself in the process of healing?” you now know why people say words can sting like knives, you didn’t even notice the tears prickling down your face until you felt the comfort of your therapists thumbs rubbing the back of your hands.

“i don’t know what i want, all i want is him. i only want Jungkook, there’s no one else for me. he knows me so well,”

“but does he? can he tell like i can tell that you aren’t sure you want this? i think, there’s way more than just Jungkook out there for you. he may have been a big part of your life, but feeling like you can’t handle yourself or your relationship is not worth it, i promise you,”

what does this mean for you? should you just go home and some how manage to contact you beloved ex that you can no longer do this after only a day of doing “this” because of your selfish reasons? but then again, is it really selfish?

no, it’s not. but maybe you’re going to fast.

a/n: ARGHH IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONGGGG😔 i’m so caught up in life and work and school and repeat. i’m trying to write again slowly, i have a couple drafts i wanna post in between episodes so maybe ill have my followers vote for what they want to see next! i love you all, thank you for being so sweet and patient💜

tags: @loumin908 @heartjiminnie @cuntessaiii @parkinglot-nights @minsoa97kor @jksgirlfrl @lavendersugarplum @gaebestie @whoa-jo @kp0pficdump @yunholuv @skzthinker @shwkoqp18 @veemegatron @kaiparkerwifes @alextgef @nerdycheol @nightappple @nlr1606 @chl0buggy @kookieandjoonberries @dna-black-and-blue @jk97bam

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