#like I DONT KNOW YOU!!! he sure likes to preach but he doesn’t actually say /anything/. I’m like ‘damn do you hate the NCR?’ and he’s like

[ziracona]

Playing Lonesome Road is like

[wh6res]

“𝑰’𝑴 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑳𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻, 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑶𝑵𝑳𝒀 𝑺𝑨𝑽𝑰𝑶𝑼𝑹.”

part of the 21 ways to kill your lover collab hosted by the lovely miss solange @du0tine

pairing. entity! xdj & f! reader | word count. 5.4k

synopsis. he wasn’t a god, he wasn’t a devil, and fuck, he’s surely not an angel, but he will be your saviour and your light ‘till kingdome come.

warnings. tread with caution. yandere/possesive themes, religious themes, violence, mentions of gore, swearing, mentions of ptsd, mentions of physical abuse, a lot of character deaths, manipulation, stalking, and implications of suicide

disclaimer. i do not condone whatever tf i wrote in this nor does it reflect my beliefs or values or morals and such. it is all pure fiction and i also dont think xiaojun from wayv would act like this in real life.

a soul’s vulnerability gives him strength. he has scourged far and wide and has yet to encounter a soul as interesting as yours. he never thought a heart filled with hatred and a fragile mentality can be such a sweet combination. xiaojun would be stupid not to latch his greedy talons onto you.

he hides in the darkest corners of your room at night, unseen and unheard, just watching over you like a predator to his poor unsuspecting gazelle before diving into the anticipated chase. 

he moves in with you into the cheap apartment you got for yourself here in the big city—which he thinks is an awful move because of how lonely it’ll be. but hey, it wasn’t anyone’s fault that you got chased out of your own home by your stepdad, your very own biological mom too scared to say a peep of defense to your name. 

your downfalls became xiaojun’s highlights. 

he would’ve felt sorry for you after finding out about that abusive old man. ugh, he scowls. your stepdad makes the entity’s blood boil and he doesn’t even have blood to begin with. the same man who holds the bible in his left hand when he preaches sermons for the people, is the same hand he uses to hit you across the face. 

the same hand he uses to pull at your hair. the same hand he uses to punch your gut. the same hand he uses to shove your mom down when she tries interfering. 

xiaojun may hate men of god but above all, he absolutely detests the kind your old man is—a faker, who thinks he can get away with the shit mess he’s making. xiaojun would never take that preacher’s murky soul even if he offered it to the entity voluntarily. fake. fake. fake. fake. fake. xiaojun should’ve killed him. xiaojun should’ve slit his throat. xiaojun should’ve torn his eyes out—

ah, ah, ah.

he can’t afford to make you any less vulnerable than you already are, now, can he? after all, he can be anything you want but he’s no angel. 

so he watched from the sidelines. 

watched you cry. watched you bleed. watched your scars form. watched the hate and resentment you have for your own family fester in your heart until it grew to a size you can’t hide within yourself anymore. 

and then you left home. 

xiaojun has to admit, for a second, maybe leaving home will make your soul unworthy, will break the mold he’s already had of you and will completely spoil his well-thought out plans.

so really, he can only scoff when he watches you walk around the apartment wearing that pretty dress on a sunday morning, darting around with calculated steps to shove everything inside your bag to go to church. the dress hangs nicely against your skin but he’d rather you stay and wear nothing. 

maybe you’d finally find contentment and happiness in this place, in this city, on your own. soaring high without a cage, without someone to hold you back—these things fill his thoughts like a plague until you come barging back into the door 30 minutes later. 

he’s been watching you long enough to know church service wouldn’t end for another 30 minutes or so. xiaojun’s eyebrows quirk up. why would his fragile little gazelle come back oh so early? but his question is immediately answered when he detects your shaky breaths and the unshed tears in your glistening eyes

you’re suffering the post-traumatic effects your shit stepdad has caused. seeing another preacher must’ve been a trigger, he thinks, eyeing you with a look on his face. xiaojun felt a little stupid. of course, swimming to the surface will be tough with all that trauma anchoring you down.

it’ll be tough, indeed… so why not sink you even deeper?

it didn’t take much energy for him to start manipulating your dreams. every nap, every deep sleep, he’d replay all the horrible things your stepdad has done to you and he realizes how dreams depicted from his perspective took a larger toll on you versus the ones from your own point of view—witnessing for yourself how weak and helpless you had been seemed to chip away bigger parts of you, he notices. your terrified screams when waking up in cold sweat getting louder and louder with every passing nightmare.

he pushed, and pushed, and pushed until you were standing right at the edge of sanity. until you start questioning your own self-worth and judgment, the invisible chains of the trauma too strong to break. until your radiant skin looked deathly, with gaunt cheeks and white lips. until you developed a fear of sleeping because no, you don’t want to witness those horrors again. no. no. no. no, please don’t hit me—

xiaojun can’t help but admire his handiwork but no, he doesn’t have time for that! 

the next time you fell asleep you had been desperately holding onto your 5th bottle of gatorade like it was a torch breaking through the darkness. you’ve intake so much of the energy drink that your body has grown used to it. you would’ve switched to caffeine, but from how much you drank it prior to the energy drinks, your blood is practically coffee at this point. 

“you’re living in my house now, young lady! i’d like to see some respect from your or i’ll fucking beat it into you!”

“stop! please. hit me instead, hit me!” 

“this is all your fault, bitch! how can you raise one daughter wrong? no wonder your husband left you!”

murky and black, you can’t even see the bottom at this point. it keeps pulling you down, and down, and down, until you couldn’t breathe. until your head feels light. until your heart beats erratically within your ribcage as you fought to the surface. 

with all the negative emotions surging through you in thunderous waves, it’s a wonder how no other lonesome, starving entity has latched onto you like xiaojun. although realistically, he was here first, as if he’ll let any other being like him go near you.

it took a greater amount of energy to twist and manipulate the plotline of certain events in a dream. if xiaojun hadn’t grown strong from all your negativity, he’d never be able to do it. 

he can never forget the day he first appeared to you in a dream. to have you cling onto him as you willingly took his hand—not that he was caught by surprise, anyway. every second of every hour of every day xiaojun spent plotting your demise has led to this fruitful day of “meeting” you for the first time. 

“i’m right here,” he said, shaking fingers tracing over your cheeks. a soft caress you have never experienced. 

the man in your dreams is someone you’ve never met before—you’re positive that you haven’t because you’d never forget a face as handsome as his. he appears like an angel casted over divine light, with a soft smile that can cure the plague as he offers his hands for you to take. it was beautiful, how your nightmares turned into dreams the moment the mysterious man arrived. 

how’d you ever know, that the hand you grabbed is the wolf in sheep’s clothing?

it’s sad really, how you’ve only managed to escape one horror only to jump into the next but xiaojun can’t find it in himself to feel bad. well, maybe a little, it’s a fleeting thought. something that disappeared as quickly as it had passed by.

it was only after a few weeks of constantly appearing in your dreams did his plan start to backfire. the change in your behavior isn’t subtle, either, and it angered him all the more. he didn’t see this coming, not even from lightyears away.

simple to say you’ve grown a little more… how can xiaojun put this into words? well, a little more outgoing. adventurous. meeting new people and going to new places and experiencing new things. he can see everything as clear as day—you were healing from your past, leaving the dark chapters in your life to write newer and brighter ones that revolved on having actual healthy relationships for once. 

his seething anger of his failed plans had made all the windows in your apartment burst into thousand little pieces. if you had fine china dishes displayed on your kitchen cabinets he would’ve broken those too. how can you go against him like this? look at you all happy and smiley even as the room turned ice cold because of xiaojun’s suffocating presence. you never even thought once about it—how naive. 

tormenting you through dreams isn’t working anymore. xiaojun has to up his game if he wants to break you down and revert you back to that paranoid, sensitive, and frail self that couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t talk to any other human being without feeling the ghost of your abusive step-father’s hands against your skin. 

who says he can only control you through mind games alone? after he’s done what needs to be done, grief and self-pity will go hand in hand. a combination so cruel and heavy on your shoulders that xiaojun can already savor the metallic tangy taste of victory. 

“no! yeji—!”

xiaojun watches unblinking when he makes one of your new friends walk out the sidewalk and right into an overspeeding car. 

tires skidding across the pavement, the breaks not working, glass shattering, bones cracking against the force of the hit—dead, right on the fucking spot.

he’s never heard you scream that loud and he shudders in pleasure as the vibrations of your shrill voice courses through his veins. 

he missed this, your complete and utter misery. 

but he wasn’t done yet. 

“don’t you think it’s a ‘lil chilly in here?” ryujin asks, looking over to your side before drinking the hot chocolate she prepared for both of you. 

grieving together with a friend can be good, hence why you’re now in her apartment a month later after yeji’s funeral. 

you answer after taking a sip. “no, not really.” 

xiaojun grins, giddy and a skip in his step while making his way towards you as he side-eyes your friend, who religiously drank her hot chocolate all the while bundling up next to you so you both can watch the movie together playing on the laptop. 

this one, well, he particularly doesn’t like this one. 

if your other friend was meant to be a casualty, a death borne from not one smidge of personal vendetta, this one, this ryujin is different. heck, he even remembers her fucking name.

no, no, no. xiaojun can feel his skin crawl as ryujin cuddles intimately closer as she stares at you from her peripheral, feeling out whether you’d react or not as she sneaks an arm around your waist. his anger turns a fever pitch, seeing you with someone else driving him up the wall. you were meant to be his sad and hopeless little gazelle and his alone.

xiaojun hoped the poison travels fast or so help him he’ll fucking rip her off of you—and he would’ve, when he saw you and ryujin slowly leaning into one another, head angled and obviously going in for a kiss. he would’ve, when one of ryujin’s hands come up to cup your face. he would’ve… until the poison reached its destination in her body, right when your lips were about to touch. 

ryujin’s lungs seized, breathing becoming an agent to her demise as the oxygen from her lungs disappear into nothingness. the last thing she saw is your horrified face, tears streaming. she swore you were shouting something, probably her name, but it’s overpowered by the incessant ring in her ears.

when her mouth foamed and she laid limp on the couch right next to you, you knew ryujin would never wake again to give you that kiss. 

xiaojun steps back to admire the havoc he wreaked. two of your friends dead, that should be enough to incapacitate you—whether it be permanent or not, he just wants to see you drown in misery. 

and as he slowly dissipates into the void, there’s a little smile on his face as he stares you down, burning the image of your histeria in his head, the echoes of your woeful cries music to his ears. 

you never dared step foot out of your apartment. 

groceries were delivered to your door, trash is slowly but surely building up, and the place was a whole mess. the entity haunting you has never seen you this… shattered, even when you left home. it was like your brain has stopped working and your body turned into nothing more but a cusp of who you used to be. 

it’s scary looking in the mirror and not recognizing the reflection—so, you painted all of them black. it was an in the heat of a moment kind of thing that took place the moment you came home from the police station, on the exact day she passed away before your eyes. 

xiaojun just has to “misplace” a few pints of paint you had used from when you renovated the apartment in the past, putting the cans where you can easily see them and think that the idea belonged to you when in reality, it’s the entity that put the idea in your head. 

there was a blanket over your shoulder when you came back from the station. it wasn’t yours, they gave it to you while you sat opposite to a stoic detective in a cold interrogation room, yet you made no move to shrug it off even after arriving at your apartment, fingers clutching the fabric like a lifeline and refusing to believe whatever that had transpired in ryujin’s apartment. 

eyes unseeing, stumbling with your steps, back hunched with the curse of the universe weighing down on your back—xiaojun couldn’t’ve been more proud of what he had done.

you were spiraling out of control. a self-destructive cycle you cannot seem to fight your way out of as your nightmares came back to haunt you. the tall waves of anxiety and paranoia drowning and pushing you under the surface. 

for once you don’t fight the current, you just let it pull you under. 

every time you close your eyes, you can hear the deafening screech of rubber tires against concrete before the car hits yeji. can vividly see the foams of the poison coming out of ryujin’s mouth as if it was caught on tape and is now playing on loop. 

your other friends have donned you as bad luck, cursed to have a fucked up life and will fuck up other people’s lives too if they get even as close as an arm length to you. too scared to lose any more people, you decided to completely push everyone away and had completely shut yourself out from the world beyond the four corners of your apartment. 

it’s like your trauma from before has come crawling back to you, only now, he brings himself a little friend called guilt. 

what are the odds that your two friends died after the other when the person they’ve each last spent time with was you? even the police found it too much a coincidence. if it wasn’t for the cctv cams in the corners of ryujin’s apartment, you’d be facing trial for a murder you didn’t commit. 

you eye the usb stuck in one of your laptop’s ports. it’s black, with an srj poisoning case written in red ink on the small patch of masking tape pasted onto the back of the plastic. 

after being stuck in an interrogation room for the last two hours, you had sneakily swiped it out of the detective's desk on your way out of the station. you remembered it was the usb with a copy of ryujin’s cctv cams, some underling busting into the interrogation room while in the middle of your questioning, holding the tiny usb between his fingers. 

your stomach churned when the detective looked at you spitefully, as if he couldn’t fucking care less of the evidence presented to him in a silver platter and would thoroughly take pleasure in throwing you in jail himself, guilty or not. the last look he shot you still sends shivers down your spine, the sharpness in his gaze as he regarded you. “you killed them. i know you did.”

a week of self-induced isolation later and you start to believe in it yourself. 

in the middle of screaming your lungs out and cursing the gods above for your sorry excuse of a life, you had thrown the usb somewhere in the apartment. not that you bothered to look for it right after, you were too busy wallowing in self pity before passing out on the living room floor. when you wake up, you’ve forgotten all about it. 

so it was interesting, seeing the usb again after days and days of wallowing in grief. you had fallen off the couch while in the middle of a slumber and you spotted the small piece of tech lying underneath it with the other empty coke cans. 

eyeing the laptop on the coffee table, you remember you haven’t taken a look at the evidence yourself—the detective had given you the stink eye when you tried shuffling closer to peep a look. carelessly, you shove all other objects off the table to pull the laptop closer. you plant yourself on the ground cross-legged, not batting an eyelash even when you feel the crumbs of chips against your skin. 

you boot the laptop on, thankful you’ve yet to forget its password, and plugged the usb in again. it was simple to navigate, to say the least, the folder popping up in a matter of seconds. you thought it stored a whole collection of her cctv footages but alas, it didn’t, saving you the time and energy scourging through unwanted boring files. 

hands shaking, you clicked on the video. 

and it was as if you’re thrown back into that event in your life that has now become a distant memory. the hug ryujin gave you when she opened the door, her words of comfort when you opened up about your deteriorating mental health after your friend passed away, and finally, the warm feel of the mug against the palm of your hand. 

wait a minute. 

you perk up from your seat, groaning aloud when your knee hits the underside of the coffee table at your haste, fingers darting around to press the back 10 seconds button. the sweat starts forming in your forehead and palms, making your hand feel clammy and disgusting but it was the last of your worries. 

did you see that correctly?

the quality is a bit low and the camera angle isn’t optimal. you can only see ryujin’s side profile but her glassy eyes are unmistakable and her actions look robotic at best. 

this is after she made your hot cocoa and had delivered it to your shivering, sniffling form on the couch, all bundled up snug and cozy in the blanket she provided. you remember ryujin winking as she walked back towards her kitchen after you thanked her. 

the way she poured poison in her own mug ruled her case as suicice. the evidence is right there in your face but the unease still sits heavy on your stomach and confusion clouds your brain like cannabis. 

this doesn’t make any sense. 

you knew her, ryujin. she’s never one to succumb to her negative emotions, always facing her problems with head held high. her overall mindset, in general, made her the last person you’d think would ever commit suicide. you’ve replayed the video a thousand times by now, still unable to wrap your head around the fact that she killed herself. 

having the sudden urge for another bottle of gatorade, you pressed the pause button as you try hauling yourself up with your arms. 

you pause. pushing your face closer to the laptop screen, rubbing at your eyes incredulously as you eye the corner of her kitchen. 

ryujin’s apartment isn’t that luxurious, nor is it too rundown, but there can be little exceptions here and there. 

like the cheap LED bulbs attached rather messily onto her ceiling, one of the six sources of light flickering on and off. you remember how many times you’ve told her to get it fixed yet she never really paid you any heed.

with shaking fingers, you replayed it one more time, hoping on everything you believe in that it wasn’t what it looks like. this can’t be it—how is that possible—

it’s him, the man who has appeared like an angel in your dream to sweep you away from evil. but standing in the corner, under the flickering lights of your friend’s kitchen, he looked anything but an angelic. 

your mind is going haywire, your body shook in confusion, and sweat started dribbling down your neck. you would’ve thought you made a mistake because how is this even possible? the angelic man in your dreams isn’t real—he can’t be real, he can’t appear like this when you aren’t even sleeping because he’s not real!

he can’t… right?

he doesn’t look too harmless, what with his hands crossed and leisurely leaning against the wall. but one look at his eyes and you know you’re wrong. even through the shit quality of the cctv footage you can still feel the fury and the absolute hate his eyes held as he stared her down menacingly, unblinking.

stared her down as she made her own cocoa, as she hunches down to open the sink cabinets to get that pesky rat poison, as she poured it on her mug, as she swirls the spoon around to mix the deadly concoction all together in a hauntingly robotic way that looked too much like ryujin was being told what to do.

and as you let the video play the rest of its content and felt like the tragedy was unfolding right before your very eyes again—you couldn’t breathe, panic gripping onto you like a vice, the sharp talons of fear sinking deep under your skin. 

you don’t register the coffee table toppling over in your haste to stand up. desperately putting a distance between you and the laptop as you turned and stumbled towards the hallway leading to your bedroom. 

you stop, pathetically landing on your knees before the open archway. if you hadn’t been shaking in fear before, then you surely were now. 

he’s here—can you even call it a he?

the man stands at the end of the hallway. in that similar, non-threatening stature with his arms crossed and body leaning against the wall. 

but the mischief in his eyes is enough of a warning. 

he’s come for you. 

he’s come to finish the job. 

“finally figured it out?”

you screamed, throwing the closest thing you can at him as you shuffle someplace else in your apartment. his laugh sounded pleasant in the ear when you were off in dreamland, but now? it sounded like nails grating against a chalkboard. 

your legs eventually led you to the front door. appearances be damned. you weren’t even wearing a bra and you haven’t showered for days but fuck no you’re not going to stay here with that—that—that monster!

“baby, don’t leave! the fun hasn’t even started yet!”

you grab the doorknob and twist, practically throwing yourself out into the hallway, eyes frantic as you stumble and land face first against—

sticky. the floor’s sticky and there was a smell you can’t seem to pinpoint. it’s tangy, metallic, and you can almost taste the scent yourself in your tongue and when you look down—you want to throw up. 

lying next to each other in pools of their own blood, lies yeji and ryujin side by side, faces towards each other. their eyes hauntingly empty and unseeing as they stared up at you. 

you shrieked, voice scratching against your dry throat as you threw yourself back into your apartment, the door slamming shut in itself. you didn’t care if there’s now a huge mess of blood staining the carpets on the foyer. you curl in on yourself, hair sticking to your face as you covered your ears and shut your eyes. 

“oh, my love…”

you felt his presence before you can hear him. 

a flashback plays in your head—hot chocolate, soft blankets, and a friend who you loved with all your heart. “don’t you think it’s a little chilly in here?"

you answered. “no, not really?”

the tears start streaming like waterfalls, mixing with the blood and sweat already caked in your face. ryujin knew, she felt it back at her apartment yet you disregarded her completely.

“it’s not your fault,” the entity’s hands are ice cold when he gently pulls at your wrist. “everything is as it should be. now, open your eyes. there’s nothing to be afraid of. i’m not going to hurt you.”

stubbornly, you shook your head as you squeezed your lids even tighter, refusing to look at the monster dead in the eye.

“don’t be like that, my love. if i wanted to hurt you, i would’ve done it a long time ago.”

you don’t listen, hunching and curling your knees even more against your torso as you try to block out his voice. it’s unfair how gentle it sounded but your blood ran cold when you realize this is how he got ryujin to poison herself, this is how he got yeji to walk in front of a speeding car—

“hail mary, full—full of grace,” you pray under your breath, shaking like a leaf. “the lord… the lord is with thee. blessed art thou among women…”

“you’re praying?” there’s an underlying mocking to e in his voice. “this is fucking hilarious!”

your incessant mumbling partnered with how you rocked your body back and forth, made something snap within xiaojun. he already stated he won’t hurt you! did he break you so much that now you’re unable to hear stuff properly, too?

“holy mary, mo—mother of god, pray for us sinners, now and—and at the hour of our death, amen. hail mary, full of grace…”

“stop.” his body twitches, having the sudden urge to pull all his hair out and burn this fucking building to the ground.

yet you continue. “the lord is with thee, blessed art thou among—among women and blessed is the… the fruit of thy womb, jesus…”

“i said stop, [name]. don’t fucking test me.”

“holy mary, mother of god—pray—pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our—”

you screeched in pain as your forehead comes in contact with a mirror, the sound of it shattering is deafening to the ears. his icy fingers let go of your nape, letting you fall hard to the ground. your ears perk up at the sound of streaming water. 

you weren’t in the foyer anymore, you feel cold tiles instead of the rough texture of the dirty carpet underneath you. eyes fluttering, you slowly pry them open, and the first thing you see is the faulty pipes found underneath your bathroom’s sink. patches of your clothes start getting wet. 

“you think a prayer of all things can stop me? i’m insulted!” you hiss when he grabs your face, hands so cold that it feels like you’re skin is burning off. “i was going to play nice.”

he pulls you towards him, hand encased around your throat. he shoves the open hair dryer into the half-filled bath tub as you feel him vibrate against you. “you don’t know how long i waited, how much energy i needed to appear to you like this.”

it’s with dread you realize that he’s actually giggling.

you whine, eyes feeling like it’ll pop out of their sockets when he squeezed your neck tighter. with a sudden rush of adrenaline, you anchor your wrists against his arm but it proves to be useless when he’s too strong. 

“please,” you wheezed. “i did… i did nothing wrong. let go—please.”

in the corner of your eyes, you stare at him from the mirror, stomach twisting in discomfort when you see him throwing his head back, eyes rolling up after taking a long whiff of your hair. “this—this fear you have, my love, only makes me stronger.”

“nothing… i did nothing wrong—please! please… let, let me go…” you’re starting to feel lightheaded, black spots floating around your vision. 

“nothing? are you sure about that?” 

you cringe when he licks up the tears in your face, toes curling at the sheer disgust you feel. but the words he spews next is far worse than the hand he’s wrapped around your throat. 

“didn’t you left your mom alone with that abusive asshole? didn’t you make yeji walk into that incoming car? didn’t you make ryujin drink that poison?”

he whispers them so softly, so gently that you almost mistook them as proclamations of love. 

“no…” your voice breaks. 

“yes. yes, you did,” he knew you like the back of his hand, knew what to say and how to say them for you to break in his arms. “you killed them, my love. you’re a murderer. you don’t even deserve to be alive after all of the things you’ve done.”

it’s almost pathetic how you shake your head, eyes closed, refusing to acknowledge the truth. 

“that’s… that’s not true…”

“you’re a curse to the people you love, the embodiment of they're suffering. don’t you see it?”

“stop lying!—”

“am i?” he retorts, maneuvering you around to face the mirror. you swore you covered the whole thing with black paint. “just look at yourself.”

oh, how badly he wants to shove your face against the mirror but he mustn't get ahead of himself. 

“did any of your friends even visit you to see how you’re doing?” no, they never did. he smiles like he knows what you’re thinking. “the answer is all before you now, my love. you need to see through the haze and accept it for what it really is. no one loves you. even the god you’re praying to didn’t answer. there’s nothing, no one, left.”

and for the first time since he has you in his tight hold, you stopped fighting. sobs wracking through your body as your shoulders slump and accept defeat. 

xiaojun automatically lets you go, cooing like a lover in your ear as he tucks you into his embrace. “you want this all to stop, don’t you? someone to save you?”

you nodded, unable to look at him as his hand came up to wipe away your tears. no one has ever done that for you in months ever since yeji and ryujin died.

“i’m here,” xiaojun says, running fingers through your hair comfortingly. “i’m your light, your only saviour. you want that, right, my love?” choice is a mere illusion but he likes keeping up with formalities. 

you fail to notice the steps he took towards the now overflowing bathtub, too lost in the new highs and lows of emotions you feel. 

“yes.”

it only took seconds to push you into the tub. its water buzzing with a live electric current brought by the hair dryer he dropped only minutes ago.

the effect is instantaneous. he watches your muscle spasm, your skin growing darker as the live water fries your body alive. quickly, xiaojun reaches down to lift your head out the water, not wanting to ruin your pretty face.

the last thing you feel is xiaojun’s cold lips pressing against your own, the gentle caress as he wiped your tears away… and the electricity finally passing through your heart. 

when the entity pulls away from your dead body, he only whispers three things—“mine, at last.”

[trashcatsnark]

Your recent posts about Cyberpunk are everything to me! It is such a pleasure when I see you answered a new question. I actually keep checking the tag to see if there is something new from you.

So if that is okay with you I would like a ask you one because I would love to have your opinion on the matter. How do you think Johnny pre ending would react to realizing V is developing feelings for him, despite their doomed future (even though everything turns out to be great with V living and Johnny having a body because that is the only canon ending that matters)?

AHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU’RE MAKING ME BLUSH, AHHH IM GLAD YOU’RE ENJOYING THE POSTS (I was a little worried I’ve been flooding tags and annoying people, so that’s really reassuring) 

Spoilers as always!

Okay, so I thought about this for a long while and was mostly torn between two camps of thought, because I also think Johnny would be torn between his thoughts. Johnny himself can be very reckless and has thoughts, beliefs, that contradict with his own behavior. He can go from beating V up, to chatting to them in a diner, to trying to use them, to promising to die for them all within the span of a few weeks. He loved Alt but screamed that she was only a fuck to him. He loved Rogue, but cheated on her. Kerry was his best friend, but he was never above mistreating and manipulating him. He claims he wants to change the world to protect the people in it, but often shows no empathy or kindness for those very people. He preaches the value of change but allowed himself to stagnate. He promises to die for V, wants to save them, but when he has control he does stuff that could very well kill them (excessive drugs, alcohol, and the car crash he caused). Combine that with his newly developing desire to change and be a better person; he can be hard to really understand, even to himself. 

So, what are these camps of thought for if he realized while still an engram that V unequivocally and unquestionably love him in a romantic way, despite the way he “knows” this will end. 

Well, in another time and place, another Johnny. He’d probably use this as an excuse to get V in bed, then discredit their feelings because he can’t handle it then destroy the entire relationship. Because there has always and may always be a part of him that when people get too close, he wants to push them away. Don’t get through the walls, he only wants people to see a certain side and part of him, he can’t let them get too close. So, anytime he realizes someones starting to chip through those walls, he starts throwing the bricks at them. Hell, after clouds, if V states “yeah I get it, that’s how they killed you, I saw your memories” Johnny gets visibly uncomfortable and says “okay.... we’ll get back to that later” The idea that V, a stranger still practically at this time, knows his memories...knows him in this weirdly deep way, makes him so fucking uncomfortable. 

Sidenote, kinda: this is something him and V (albeit V is typically less aggressive about it) have in common. Think of how few people know V’s real name or have been granted the right to call them by it. Think of how despite Jackie being their best friend, they still knew so little about him, he still wasn’t allowed to call them by their real name. They’re clearly upset when the doll says their name. Johnny and V are both people who have put wall after wall between themselves and everyone else. And now in a twist of fate, Johnny’s been shot like a cannonball through his own walls and V’s, so there’s now not a single wall between these two strangers and they both hate it until they dont. 

Back to the point, there’s a part of Johnny that instinctively wants to seek a way to destroy it, to ruin all that he’s built with V because he’s terrified of crossing that final line, that one last barrier, of truly being who he wants to be and being with V in that way. He’s terrified of what it means, and he’s terrified that he won’t be enough, that he’s too fucked up and broken to deserve it, that there’s still something inside of him that V hasn’t seen and when they do they’ll leave him in the dust. And that aggro, selfish, scared bastard part of him screams at him to never let it get that far; tear it all down so it never happens. 

But he is changing and doesn’t want to hurt V. So, he refuses to use them though that little voice tells him to take the most he’s comfortable taking (ie sex) then throw the rest away. He shuts that voice out, refuses to let himself do that to V, he’s done with that. Though a part of him feels guilty to even have that thought, how can he be such a bastard, maybe he’s not changing as much as V gives him credit for... 

So, he may pull away (as much as he can) for a bit. Talk to V less, stay in their head more. Not because he necessarily wants to hurt or distance himself, but he needs time to think. He knows he feels the same way, but he’s scared of so many things. Hurting V, them realizing he’s too shitty of a guy to date, what happens after he’s gone? How will they feel, won’t that make it hurt worse? 

But, if he loves them, and they love him. And this is all the time they have left, maybe they should just enjoy it. 

So, maybe, he thinks, he should ignore it. Pretend he didn’t hear and move on as if nothing has changed. But, maybe, he also thinks he can’t, that he shouldn’t that denying them both something they clearly want will hurt more than losing it in the end. 

Johnny has always been big on enjoying the good things while you can, those little moments where even he could find peace and happiness. It was after all something he got upset at Alt for “always gotta ruin it, always gotta shit on the moment dont you?”, even with his date with Rogue, he just wanted a nice night at the movies, a night to pretend all was the way it was before and to ignore reality for a night; but too much had changed. 

And a part of him worries that it’s selfish too, he still isn’t quite certain of when he’s being a selfish bastard and when he isn’t. Maybe it’s wrong to want to take that time to just say fuck it; even if he’s gone in the next week, let it be the best week he could ever hope for. Squeeze as much love and time together into whatever they have left. 

Ultimately, he realizes that’s what he wants, he wants to just say fuck it and let himself fucking enjoy whatever they can, whether its’ days, weeks, or hell maybe he can even get a full month before he gets wiped. But, what the fuck does V want? He knows what they feel, but not what they wanna do about it, and maybe that’s the more selfish thing...doing all this thinking and figuring without even asking V what they want. 

So, he decides to stop spinning his fucking mental wheels and ask them. Tell them, he knows how they feel and if they want he’ll forget he ever found out, this conversation can end here. They can pretend those feelings don’t exist, Move on and continue as they always have; because at the end of this he will be wiped to save them. He will die for them, because he knows the chances of saving them both are slim and none, and slim died a while back. He made his promise and he meant it. He will do them no harm and he will die so they can live the ife they deserve. That is how this ends and it’s the only ending he’ll accept (so he thinks). So, knowing that and knowing what a rat bastard he was, maybe still is, knowing he can’t give much, hell he’s not sure he can give anything; do they still want more, they still want him in that way, do they truly still want to love and be loved by him knowing they’ll have to let him go and that that time ain’t too far off? Cause he knows what he wants. 

[nightswithkookmin]

Does Run ep 119 fall into the period of Jikook's romantic separation/distancing you talked about? By hairstyles I think this is the time you marked as being 'not a couple'? Did I get the timelines right? Please dont get mad, but they seemed especially cozy+close this ep, and not just skinship (I know this is a subjective judgement and dif points of view are allowed). Just curious if you still hold to your theory? We see only tiny snapshots of time. Do you ever retrospectively change your mind?

Me right now. lol

Running away before I give in to the temptation to rumble on for pages. Lol.

Ahhh shit! Too late. lol.

First of all, it's not so much that questions like these irk me...

It's just I've never had to worry about being 'right' or 'wrong' in forming an opinion about anything or on any topic in my life.

I think the night is more beautiful than the day. I think both Trump and Biden are trash- but better Biden than Trump. I think formal education is a damn waste of time and money. I think a lot of things. But I've never had to worry about that I could be right or wrong about them.

I never assume, when I read people's opinions too, that they are right or wrong. I either tend to agree with it or disagree with it or get informed by it if I had zero opinion prior. I find it bizarre when people want to be right and stuff- especially in a community that is nothing but a swirling vortex of thoughts and opinions. Lmho.

You either defend your stand and give evidence to support it but even then we are just all making assumptions.

Also questions like these tend to put me in a position where I feel like if I should respond then I am not only 'defending' my opinions but challenging other's opinions with my opinions and treating my opinions as if they were the facts. But they are not. It's just one opinion against another.

Know what I mean?

I used to be comfortable doing that because I thought it was all friendly debates and discourse until someone drew my attention to it and pointed out to me that when I do that I come across as 'all knowy,' 'presenting my opinions as facts' and 'challenging other's opinions with my opinion'- which y'all are well aware is the case that has launched a thousand hate comments, privacy invasion, doxing, lies and operation boycott Goldy on ship street.

I don't think it's worth it.

Then there is the substantive issue: how these questions are framed. How should I put this...

I never said anywhere that Jikook were broken up during the On era because they were not acting 'cozy'. Who's theory is that? Who said that? I've never peddled the 'Jikook is real because of skinship or their interactions' theory. If anything, I try to distinguish between Jikook's couple moments and their skinship or mere interactions because neither of those two make Jikook real... to me.

If Jikook showing skinship and merely interacting with eachother to you is a determining factor as to whether they are real- it's not, to me. I've made this much clear over the course of my blogs. If it's your metric then it differs from mine and I can't 'challenge' it. Lol.

I have said, Jikook can interact zero in a content and I still could be able to tell if they are a couple.

Similarly, two people can grind on eachother and stick their tongues down eachother's throats and I still will be able to tell they are not a couple within the same group if they are not.

Am I wrong sometimes? Absolutely. Hell, I said JK was going to post for Jimin's birthday. He didn't. I got that wrong.

I do retrospectively change my mind on a lot of things. If say, in the future, Jimin announced he has a kid and is married to a het woman I would backpedal on my theory that Jikook is real. I don't think it's that deep.

If at any one point, I have reason to believe Jikook aren't together any more as a couple within BTS, or that one of them is straight, I would change my opinion about them being in a gay relationship with eachother.

Similarly, if I have reason to believe Jikook have broken up or distanced themselves from eachother at one point, I would say so and not run around the internet yelling Jikook gay, Jikook married.

There are moments, when I thought Jikook were together but they weren't and so I had to change my mind in retrospect too.

It seems to me, that to y'all, as long as I'm saying Jikook are together then I'm right and it's Amen preach but if I say I think they are or were not together at a point in their relationship then suddenly it's, she is a Trump supporter spreading lies about Jikook and dancing in the rain with convicted serial killers while trying to pass off her published work as Jikook fanfiction. It's all very interesting how some people's minds work...

For the record, I said Jikook were broken up within that period because they were not claiming eachother, reassuring eachother, exercising rights of claim and authority, speaking eachothers love language and all the other metrics I have time and again pointed out several times across my posts that they are the qualities that to me make Jikook a couple.

So do you see why I feel some kind of way when people come at me with the, 'they stared at eachother' 'they smiled at eachther' they touched eachother' argument? Y'all must have me confused a certain shipper on the block. Lol.

You tell me they look cozy and intimate, but then I go and check and they are still not claiming eachother or exhibiting any of the qualities that makes them a couple. Lol.

If I say Jikook is in a relationship, it's usually because I have reasons to believe they are in a relationship. If I say Jikook are not together, it's also because I have reasons to believe they are not together. It's really not hard maths.

I forego a lot of sleep to ensure I share my thought process on a lot of my theories and opinions. I have shared across several posts why I believe Jikook is real. I have shared a few of the metrics I use to decide on that opinion and I have shared my thought process on why I believe in certain moments they aren't together.

It's exhausting when I have to repeat that process each time because then it's not about you asking for my opinion on the topic anymore because I've already stated that, it's about you asking me to change my opinion on a topic based on your assessment and your metric and it just doesn't work that way.

Your assertion that Run 119 was filmed in the same era as On is valid I guess... but I have to disagree. I can't tell you exactly when that episode was filmed but if I had to share my two cents on it, I'd have to place it towards the middle of April this year or somewhere around that period. In my opinion.

I say that because Jimin debuted his jet black hair around 14th April when he appeared in a Vlive with RM. Again I do not know exactly when he got his hair changed but as of March 26th, he had blondish hair.

In his March 30th Vlive- the one where JK interrupted Jin's call, he had a cap on so chilee I'm not gonna argue on whether he had dyed his hair at that point or not.

Then there is Suga, who has blonde hair in this Run 119 episode. He had blonde hair from his birthday in early March and tweeted a bunch of photos of himself in blonde hair from March through to April 28th.

Yet in the JinMinGi Vlive on April 27th when Jimin still had jet black hair, Suga seemed to have a jet black hair too. Which means he could have had blonde hair around the time Jimin went black in early April and dyed it black in late April- but that's theory and that's just my assumption. We can know for sure if and when knew content is released which was filmed around that period.

Thus, I doubt if it was filmed during On era like episode 116 and 117- where you could see clearly, Jikook were having issues.

Just because a peice of content is released in succession don't mean they were filmed around the same period...

So yes I agree with you, we only see snapshots of their time and most importantly we see them in DISORDER. BigHit doesn't release content in chronological order as per when they film them- something I keep reiterating throughout my blogs.

And just as a tip for when you want to reconstruct the timeline for accuracy based on their hairstyles, I think you should look to their Live contents and not their prerecorded content. Their VLives and Youtube lives- actual lives not the prerecorded ones passed off as live streams lol, or even their live reactions to when they win awards or do interviews etc.

I think those are a somewhat accurate reflection of the timeline and helps fit contents in their right time period. But even that- it's still 60/40. But that's me. Feel free to use your own metric to access the timeline.

And the part about them seeming cozy within- On Era, I assume? Because that's when I speculated they had a break up?

I wasn't going to address it because it requires me to provide a comprehensive reconstruction of the timeline but I can't do that until a few more years from now when BigHit has released all or most of the content they have on that period.

I'm just gonna have to repeat myself, for the n>th time though and be intentionally vague about it lol - I had decided not to talk about that period again but I have to just because you make it sound like I would go full on frying pan wielding JK on your ass, step for step, for pointing out that Jikook seemed cozy and intimate within that speculated breakup period. Chilee, I'm not a villain. Lol.

I will not whoop your ass for saying that- but you'd have to answer a seven page query if you are an avid reader of my blogs, so clear your schedule. It's gonna be a long day. Lol.

Query: How do you expect Jikook to look like and behave if and when they are not together together?

I keep saying, at the bare minimum, Jikook are friends not enemies. You don't expect them to act like they never knew eachother during such times. But it takes a while for them to settle into that space when they both feel comfortable with being friends and during such period is when you notice them putting up emotional boundaries and distance between them.

Maybe its just because I saw Jikook as friends and got used to them as friends before lovers and so spotting when they are acting as friends comes easy to me? I don't know.

I think it's similar to how people who are used to seeing Jikook as friends can't seem to see past their friendship to seeing them as a couple.

Then there are those who've only known Jikook to be a couple or saw them as a couple first upon entering the fandom and so can't seem to see them as friends or even think of them as friends. It can be a trip for such people. Which one are you?

If you see Jikook as lovers all the time, really I don't. And I don't need the tensions and the silences to sense something is off. JK unable to check RM or anyone within the group when they are crossing boundaries with Jimin is enough tell.

Same way I don't need to the skinship and 'cosy' to tell if they are together. Jk putting up emotional distance with certain members within the group- all but Jimin, is enough evidence for me.

We don't have to all see Jikook through the same lens to enjoy them. And we don't have to agree on everything too.

We are different people, with different backgrounds and experiences. We can't think the same or perceive on things the same.

I keep saying, to me, there is a quality to Jikook that makes them more than friends. If I see those qualities in them, I believe they are a couple. If not, they are not. Those are the qualities I see only between Jikook and what set them apart from the other ships in BTS.

I see their friendship and I also see their other stuff.

And I notice, during certain periods that they lose that quality that makes them couples- for them to be a couple they need to be speaking eachothers love language, exercising certain rights and privileges over each other, claiming eachother, reassuring eachother yadda yadda yadda and a whole others that don't include them merely talking to eachother or engaging in skinship.

When I talk about Jikook On Era break up period, I'm talking about the period from the 21st to 28th February this year- or the period right before it.

Thats the period I noticed a drastic change in Jikook's interactions and even their personalities. It gave me the feeling that jikook had been through something heavy prior to that date. That period seemed more like the aftermath of a break up rather than the beginning of it as there seemed to be a drastic flip in their dynamics compared to any era before that. Especially late December or around the period when they filmed Carpool Karaoke.

They weren't doing any of the things I've mentioned above that to me make them a couple- they were just interacting and pretty much being civil- except for JK. He seemed more angry, less tolerant and very assertive against Jimin and the group.

He was being super self assertive and was asserting himself even against Jimin- something he has been doing a lot this year which I keep talking about.

Jimin didn't seem different to me at all to me in that period until April.

Why do I feel you are forcing me to talk about something I don't want to talk about? Lol.

I mark that period as significant not only because of the changes that took place in Jikook's dynamics but because it marks the genesis of the JK we are experiencing today.

Their interactions within that period were reflective of a consistent pattern of behavior they've exhibited around periods when they are not together- JK putting up boundaries, not claiming JM, JM trying to reconnect etc.

For instance, at Music Bank on the 28th of February, Jimin did that thing with Jin when he noticed JK interacting with Tae but JK didn't mind him or claim.

Contrast that with their moment on the 1st March, at Inkigayo, where JK literally teleported his ass to stand behind JM when he noticed JM had started his shenanigans on the stage.

Jikook started claiming eachother and acting as a couple again from then- they started reassuring eachother and doing all these things that to me mark them as a couple. Again, this is only an assumption, I don't have the comprehensive breakdown of the period- yet because there are new contents being released on a daily.

On 6th March, during Music Bank when Hobi hugged Jimin during their interview JK reacted strongly to that too in my opinion.

On 30th March, JK interrupted Jin's call to flirt and ask JM on a date- you could see them acting as a couple from that moment at Inkigayo on 1st March throughout to 30th March and their interactions were consistent.

Their interactions in the period before that was pretty much inconsistent and filled with a lot of Jump cuts- which I'm hoping future contents will help fill the gaps for me so I can build a comprehensive breakdown of that era- at least for my self. Iol.

It's just the way Jikook usually behave after these period. They go through a reconnection phase, where they constantly try reassure eachother and then eventually end up in a honey moon phase of a sort where you'd see them flirting up and down the hills, acting super touchy, hitting the red marks- making us and the others feel weird and super uncomfortable watching them.

It's also important to note that around the period of them reconnecting, JK had started distancing himself from Tae. He puts up emotional boundaries with the others and closes himself off to them when he opens himself up to Jimin.

I mean if I'm 'wrong,' and I'm not saying I'm right, I'm just saying if I'm wrong because of your two seconds clip of them acting 'cozy,' then I gotta ask what happened to JK in this period? Why was he putting up boundaries between him and Jimin in that period, and what set him on this self assertive path he's been on throughout this year- think about that while I hold on to my he went through a nasty breakup and had an emotional trauma that pushed him on a path to reevaluate and set his priorities straight theory. Lol

I think some of the content they have released so far within that period were filmed either closer to or far from when that break up happened- Run 116 and 117 would be the closest to that period so far- I just don't know if it was before 21st February or after it.

Run 100 and 101 would also have been filmed relatively closer to that period or immediately after it because Jimin was behaving in those Runs the same way he was behaving during the On Comeback Special VLive which was released on 21st of February- I feel the breakup would happened before this date.

In both those Runs and the On comeback special, Jimin seemed beat, humbled and subdued. He was trying to establish eye contact with JK during the comeback VLive, egging him on to talk about his looks, and putting boundaries between him and the other members. He seemed to be on his best behavior.

For instance, in the Comback he seemed like he was walking on eggshells around Kookie and didn't want to create the impression he was going out of his way to flirt with the others or portray himself as available and so when Suga touched his waist or back, he asked him to stop.

Similary, in Runs 100/101 behind scenes or something, when they were eating and he noticed Tae had food residue on his lips, he tried to help him clean it but panicked and stopped the moment he sensedJK lifting his head up- it seemed he didn't want to piss JK off in those two instances. JK for the most part just seemed serious and less tolerant of JM's bs within that period.

Juxtapose JM's behavior in these two instances with the events at Music Bank and Inkigayo where he was hugging Jin and acting extra around Kook- which to me seemed like he was looking for reassurance by trying to get JK to claim him but of course JK didn't do that.

Jimin likes being reassured by JK when he is feeling 'insecure.' And often, JK reassures him when he notices JM going through that. Jimin does the same for JK.

They are intune with eachother's emotional needs and they consciously go out of their way to meet them.

Take the recent MAMA speech moment when JM was giving a speech and he seemed like he need support- emotional support and back up. Jk turn fully and instantly towards him to let him know he was there for him. We've seen Jikook do this a countless times. I value these moments over them showing skinship or screaming eachother's names.

In the recent BE press conference red carpet moment when JM tried it with RM- did you notice JK's reaction? They both seemed like they were trying to piss eachother other off or make each eachother jealous during that red carpet moment.

JM with RM and JK with Jin. JK grabbed Jin's neck when he noticed JM intentionally acting all up close and friendly with his buddy buddy RM and the frown on his face. He didn't seem too amused with JM doing that...

- it's weird, I know, but it's also their way of reassuring eachother and expressing interest in eachother. Don't judge. It's Jikook- just look away, keep it pushing. Nothing to see here. Lol.

Had it not been for the live events around that On period, I probably wouldn't have noticed these things because the content from BigHit around the period were only showing glimpses of their interactions which again seemed like the aftermath of their breakup and not the start of it.

I think their ability to get to that space where they are each comfortable with relating freely and 'cozy' around eachother as friends depends on how soon they interact on cameras after they've gone through such periods.

If they film immediately soon after, or during, often the tension between them is much more evident like in run 116 and 117.

If they film much later from it, then you wouldn't even notice a damn thing at all. In my opinion. Especially, if you don't know the difference between Jikook as friends and Jikook as lovers.

You can never tell though if you focus solely on Jimin's behavior during such periods- because Jimin is just that guy. He doesn't bring the drama to work. He will smile sunshine through the pain and act like nothing happened. For JK it's different, in my opinion.

Jimin has a very high emotional intelligence quotient and seems to process emotions better and faster. JK is not like that. It is why I feel, he tends to put up physical and emotional barriers with Jimin and with the others sometimes when he is going through it.

They all process emotions at different paces. In my opinion.

I'm starting to wonder if y'all think Jikook is one sided at this point. Lol. Jikook is not one sided. Jimin is not the only one in their relationship. You can't focus on him alone to decide if your ship is sailing or in a good place- because guess what? Jimin can put up a show of it.

It's just as how Tuktukkers tend to focus on Tae rather than JK in determining whether they still have a ship or not. If they paid attention to JK for one minute, they would know their ship got lost at sea at debut.

I keep saying JM's 'the boy in love with Jungkook' persona is a facade. He loves JK through this facade but you have to look past it. I mean this is the guy who told Jin JK doesn't act a certain way around him, but backpedaled and said he was just 'saying it for content' when Jin called him out on it. Same guy Jk says, he intentionally acts cutes when he notices the cameras on him.

You gotta wonder what else he does just for content and for the cameras. Isn't this why people claim Jikook is fanservice?

You have to pay attention to JK too you know? They have different personalities, different ways of handling issues, different ways of loving and different ways of solving problems.

Jimin over expresses himself and tries to establish contact when he is at the recieving end of a freeze out. He did the same thing on stage with JK during Manila when he tried to have a conversation with Kook- to squash whatever issues they had been having but JK needed his space physically and emotionally.

Jimin was sat next to Suga chatting with him, asking him questions, laughing with him but the moment Suga touched him he snapped. He did the same thing in Dynamite MV reaction VLive when JK teased him with Suga. He snapped almost instantly and didn't seem happy with it- he doesn't want to be shipped with Suga and yet he is the one constantly going 'I miss Suga hyung' 'Suga and I are the parents and JK is the son"

In run 116, you could see him trying to interact with Kook even when Kook was clearly putting up boundaries with him. Had Kook not been closed off to him in that moment, we probably would never have noticed anything was off with them honestly.

And that hug JM gave Kook in the end, did you see him looking sideways as if he was doing something wrong? Compare that moment with the Siriux FM interview where he had his hands around Kook. He didn't seem- what's the word, scared.

And by the way, that moment was also filmed on the 21st of February in the US, the same day of their Rockefeller interview and the same day the On Comeback Special VLive was released- so do the maths? Was that the start of a break up or the aftermath of it?

Jimin was leaning forward in that period true, but was JK receiving and reciprocating his actions and matching them throughout that period? No. Or may be its debatable- you tell me. Lol.

Jikook behave in a certain way and give off a certain vibe when they are good and sailing- but not all such moments is because they are a couple. In my opinion.

When they get to that good space where they can be comfortable around each other, they sail as friends too.

It's just like, when they are not good and they give off bad vibes. But not all the bad vibes they give off is because they are not good. Know what I mean?

It's all up to how you perceive them and how much you understand of their dynamics I guess.

It is my understanding that, JK opens up to certain other members within the group while simultaneously putting up boundaries with Jimin when he is having serious problems with Jimin. From my observation of their interactions.

So I ask, within the period of 21st February to 28th, was he leaning towards this certain member he was suddenly BFFs with around the time of their break up or was he leaning away from him? He literally teleported away from him to be next to Jimin when they were getting back together and Tae didn't seem amused by that either.

It's Jikook, I get it. I think you need to pay attention to the way they interact with the other members within the group too? Because that's equally telling. Sigh.

It is my understanding that, Jimin is quick to anger yet quick to forgive and he sometimes glosses over things, puts a lot of energy and efforts into embellishing his relationship with Kook and presenting them as the perfect duo and the perfect relationship- which is something that I think psychologically induces the Kumbaya in a lot of Jikook shippers and influences them into thinking their relationship is perfect and kumbaya. But that's another topic for another day.

JK makes Jikook more real. To me.

I hear often, people talk about how Jimin is less touchy than JK and has personal boundaries within the group and how over the years, he has toned down on his touchiness with the other members because JK puts up a lot of boundaries for him around the members with the frying pans and what not, and would fume whenever Jimin or anyone crosses those boundaries...

But have y'all ever wondered the kind of boundaries Jimin put up for JK within the group and expects JK to uphold within the group when they are together? Hint: It's not JK's touchiness or lack of boundaries. Y'all be connecting the wrong dots. Lol.

Jk puts up physical boundaries for Jimin because that is important to him. Jimin put up emotional boundaries for JK because that is important to him. They overlap sometimes but those times are insignificant to me.

Jk's certain bonds suffer because of Jimin. And he stops respecting those boundaries when he and Jimin are no longer together and the moment they are back together, he puts those boundaries up again with those bonds- this is Morse code, if you catch on message me with it. Wink.

JM throwing his arms around Kook during a serious interview is not him claiming JK or reassuring him. JK yelling Jimin to the power Z is not him exercising right of authority over Jimin- lovers do that. Know who else does that? FRIENDS. Lol.

It's nothing Hobi doesn't do with JM or the other ships don't do.

Listen, I saw all the good bits and things that you saw in that period too and still I formed my opinion on that era the way that I did and have. And the new content from that era, Run 116 and 117 all follow the same pattern of behavior I noticed around that period and have talked about. So no, my view on that era hasn't changed.

Unless, your objective is to have me change my mind based on the 'wrong' timeline dots you've connected, then we would just have to agree to disagree. Lol.

If you believe Jikook were together during that period, I agree to disagree on it. Feel free to disagree with my opinion too.

Always ship Jikook in the way that makes sense to you. And support them while you are at it. Jikook is real. Bless you.

Signed,

GOLDY

[littlespaceporgs]

The Clone Wars Reacts - Part 5

Or Leah loses her shit at Jar Jar, thirsts for Aayla Secura for an episode and a half, and then swoons for Riyo Chuchi.

Welcome once more to the Reacts series! I’m a busy woman for now but I am setting up a schedule for this series which will be

Today we’re covering episodes 12, 13, 14 and BONUS! 15. This is because I got super bored during episode 14 and basically didnt write anything so, here you go! As per usual, major spoiler alert for season 1 of the clone wars! If you haven’t read the previous parts to this series, I suggest you do so that you can follow along! 

Part 1 - Episodes 1 and 2 Part 2 - Episodes 3, 4 and 5 Part 3 - Episodes 6, 7 and 8 Part 4 - Episodes 9, 10 and 11

Tags (if you want to join, my taglist can be found on my page!): @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @girlvader @simping-for-fives @littlevodika @hounding-around @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life @onabouteverything @acciokenobi @catsnkooks @captainrexstan @roseofalderaan @fractiouskat

We’re well past the half-way point, so there is 2 parts left of season 1, and then onto season 2! So lets get into it!

Episode 12: The Gungan General

> heheheheheheheh jar jar I am KEEN

> I get hondo and jar jar in one episode

>> this’ll be funny

>>> actually no scratch that, this is gonna be hilarious

> oh and they woke up in a cell this will be fun

> HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA AND THEYRE BOUND TO DOOKU

> DISASTER I TELL YOU

> “if I keep my mouth shut you’ll devise a plan so get off the god forsaken planet?” “YES”

> this dude seems traitorous as fuck (im referring to one of the pirates, not dooku shockingly)

> I wish Ahsoka and Yoda were in this too, I want more disaster lineage

> ah he is indeed a traitor

> “HEIDY HO CHANCELLOR”

> JAR JAR WHOO

> “stop messing around, we’re landing. Secure yourself” “MESA TRYING ITS STUCK”

> promptly followed by jar jar falling everywhere

> oh and now he’s in the cockpit

> oh shit that senator guy is definitely dead right?

> “do control tour protégées insolence” “anakin, control your insolence, the count is concentrating”

> “do we know where we’re going?” “Ssh anakin” “DO we know where we’re going?”

> is it safe? Of course it i- riiiiiight

>> I forgot this was the clone wars for a second, this is gold

> FRIENDS DONT DRUG FRIENDS HONDO

> y’know, dooku’s quite amusing when he’s not trying to kill my favourite characters

> “are you now in command” “uh no, binks is the highest ranking” ooooohhhh boy

> ooooooohhhh and some mind tricks too, nice

> I hate to say this, but jar jar is actually smart

> holy shit

> beasties are nearby too, we’ll be fine. they run, we run

>> Dayum jar jar actually making good decisions?

> I present a real and accurate image of my reaction to this statement

> Mesa be having an idea oooohhh booooyyy

> obi wan that is no way to speak to your grandmaster

> be patient master the count is elderly and doesn’t move like he used to

> I would kill you both now if I didn’t have to drag your bodies

>> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH this is the only reaction I’ll accept

> then falling all over each other is the only thing I’ve ever needed to see

> “ this is not going well” no shit

> my question is why did obi wan not drop Dooku?? Does he actually still care about this man?

> you’re right, I don’t think youre going to be friends 🤦‍♀️😂

> sneaky lying snake

> bruh they don’t even know you’ve got the Jedi captive??????????

>> so how does that work you dumbass

> no shit, you will look like fools obi wan

> “there be some bombad clankers” 😂😂

>> “huh YOURE right, bombad clankers” I love the shock

> YOURE RIGHT HE IS SMARTER THAN HE LOOKS, GIVE JARJAR SOME CREDIT

> oh boy anakin, just keep your mouth shut genius

> man electrocution doesn’t look like fun

> HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH

> The next few lines of confused joy are me reacting to jar jar somehow single handedly taking out 3 tanks

> what the fuck

> JarJar I I’m what-

> JUST DID A GOOD THING, I DONT REGERT THIS THING AT ALLLLLLLL

> fuckin JarJar was great

> “KILL HIM HES NOT A REPRESENTATIVE, HES A PLAGUE” I’m ded 💀😢💀

> serves you right you snake, now dooku gonna choke your ass

> oooohhhhh that’s how these two twits (hondo and obi-wan) became friends

> “and... he knows where you live” Oof the subtle threat is real

> hem I love obi wan very much and his sarcasm

 Episode 13: Jedi crash

> I JUST SAW AAYLA I AM EXCITED I AM ALSO ATTRACTED TO HER VERY MUCH

> SHES HOT

> I LOVE HER

> AND HER VOICE JUST MAKES ME ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

> I wish I was bly, not gonna lie

> I have a quick question - the 501st colour is blue right? Then why do they have a gold squad, doesn’t the extra colours just confuse things?

> I love seeing anakin and Ahsoka in action coolest thing to watch

> And anakin

>> I am also quite attracted to him

>>> imagine dragging your hands through that hair as he- wait no I have minors in my followers not gonna finish that

> Uh oh

>> Oh anakin you twit

>>> HE LOCKED HOMSELF IN WITH AN EXPLOSION JDGKJDJFKFKFKFKFF

> HES INSANE

> Are all Jedi so reckless? Just the good ones - love this by the way

> Oooohh shit for a STAR

> I mean like? I know anakin doesn’t die, but this shit is concerning

> Perfected the art of destroying ships and getting master almost killed? Sounds familiar

> I hate it when they just call them “padawan “ it just feels very impersonal like bleh

> Like I love aayla but god the Jedi preach some bullshit

>> God forbid someone raises a child and gets attached to it

>>> Like for fucks sake

>>>> Can you tell this is something I’m passionate about?

> Anyway, moving on

> Oh hi anakin! You’re alive!

> That bird lookin thing is tryna eat my boy 😤

> Oop - well that dudes dead

> Aawwwwwww aayla looks so sad, this makes me sad too

> Can we just appreciate this?

> Well these little critters are cute

> Ooooohhh I think I agree with this little dude

> You can skip the paragraph if you like, its just me going off about ‘peacekeeping’

> Alright gonna get mildly into it for a second, the clone wars really gets into it with episodes like this, displaying how the entire galaxy was starting to lose faith in the Jedi and their peacekeeping ways, in the movies we just got that people just started hating the Jedi because they became part of the war, but this really fleshes it out and shows just how slowly and gradually the loss of faith is. Because he’s right, the Jedi aren’t peacekeepers anymore, they bring as much destruction with them that the separatists do and have become symbols of war. They’re fighting for a good reason yes, but they can no longer claim that they are peacekeepers or that they played no role in this war.

> ANYWAY BACK TO REACTS

> AH MY TWO FAVOURITE WOMEN AND A PRETTY BACKGROUND AGAIN!! They really do be doing me a great service

Part 14: Defenders of Peace

> I’m really not into this episode, just saying it now

> Anakins just as bad as obi wan, like honestly just chill bro, fucking REST

>> MY BOYS DESERVE SOME GODDAMN REST AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL OK-

> Okay but is it taking a life if it’s a droid?

> Ugh this dudes ugly as fuck

> What did you think was gonna happen?? Of course your village was going to be ransacked

> I could go on forever about the pointlessness of this war like it just makes me mad palpatine you slimy git-

> My reacts this episode are really boring huh, I’m not into it 😭

*fully I didn’t write anything for about 10 minutes here because it’s just a little boring*

> HOLY SHIT NOW THATS A FUCKING WEAPON

> Yep sorry that’s it for this ep, I’m so bored 😂

>> Anyway, bonus episode because that one was short!

Part 15: Trespass

> YES OBIWAN WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

> AND IS THAT RIYO CHUCHI I SPY?????

> Hahahahahahahhahahaha it’s not tatooine, you got that right

> Oh god this dude already sounds like a dick (its the chancellor dude but not palpatine)

> Why’s he so defensive over it?

> Oh yikes, that does not look good

> Seppies don’t do that though - this is... odd

> Ah and the same thing has been done to the droids

> Off topic, but I think I’m going to make a clone wars drinking game that I can do while I do my reacts, so I’m going to make that this week, send me your ideas in the comments or dm me!

> Back to ep - pfffffffttt obi wans little taps and then anakin really goes WHACK

> Anyway I’m going to do this in the next couple days and then every Friday night I’ll watch a few eps and drink away

> Alright back to the episode once more

> Abominable snowman????

>> Definitely

> This is gonna go well isn’t it?

> “Well? Say something”

>> “Just shut up” *visible eye roll*

> What the fuck is their mouth

> Okay really obi wan, I think it’s pretty clear they don’t speak basic

> YEEEEEEAAAHHH THATS MY BOI ANAKIN

> Awwwwwwww that shits cute, fucking bear huugggg I want to be hugged like that

> I’m not fussed if it’s anakin, obi wan or kit fisto but please someone love me

>> Preferably kit fisto

> Anyway this dudes a dick (again, its the chancellor dude)

> They obviously have intelligence, and this dude has issues

>> I’m thinking he’s trying to compensate for something 👀

> Oof you really gonna tell a Jedi what to do?

> HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA the other people’s were there already

> Ugh he reminds me of my very racist grandparents oh boy

> You’ve been told like 4 times that it is not your jurisdiction anymore and you still can’t take it?

>> BRUH

> She’s so tiny and adorable and her voice is just 🥰🥰🥰🥰

>> Oh no

>>> I’m simping for another character

> Surely this guy dies

> HAHAHAHAHAH HE JUST GOT SPEARED SERVES YOU RIGHT MOTHERFUCKER

> What a dick, he shall not be missed

> She’s just, so pretty??? And smart????

>> FUCK MY BISEXUAL ASS CANT HANDLE THIS

> he’s seriously not dead yet?

> AAAHH RIYO YOU SMART GIRL YEEEEESSSS NEGOTIATE THAT PEEEEAAACCEEEE

> THATS MY GIRL SENATOR CHUCHI YEEEESSS

Welp that’s it for today folks, it was lovely, see y’all at some point this week where I say the drinking game rules and then next drunken Friday (even though these are gonna be released on saturdays but I write them on fridays?)

[1rosex]

BTS reaction to having a crush on another member’s best friend (Hyung Line)

Request: i dont know if you're still taking requests, but if you are, could you do a bts reaction to falling in love with another member's best friend and being insecure about telling the person his feelings?

A/N uhhhm I got a little carried away so I decided to split this between maknae and hyung line

Masterlist

Jin

"Is there a problem?" Jin asked, sensing the tension as he sat sandwiched between you and Namjoon on the couch. There was hardly enough space for all three of you, you were spilling onto the armrest trying to make room for Jin, who had so happily interrupted your hang out with your best friend Namjoon. But this was of no surprise, wherever you and Namjoon went, Jin was sure to follow. Namjoon never had the heart to tell Jin that his third-wheeling was becoming too much, but this time it was the last straw.

"Jin, may I speak to you.." Namjoon's eyes flicked from you back to Jin. "Privately?"

Jin stared him down for a second, then silently agreed and got to his feet. You let out a sigh of relief now that your lungs weren't being crushed, watching as the two members stepped out of the room. You couldn't help but turn down the television volume, your curiosity wondering what they were talking about.

"Why do you do this?" Namjoon asked in a hushed whisper. Jin looked offended, as if he had no idea what Namjoon was talking about.

"Me? I'm just hanging out with my best friends-"

"But she's not!" Namjoon suddenly exclaimed. "She's not your best friend! She's mine! And I love you Jin, I truly do. You are my bandmate and one of my best friends as well. But I see you everyday, every meal and practice. You're practically my family, I am always with you. And believe me, I am happy to spend time with you. But please, may I just get some time with y/n alone now that I finally get to see her? Is that too much to ask for me to see a friend who I normally don't get to see?"

".. I'm sorry but I can't just leave you two alone." Jin said, suddenly crossing his arms in a defensive pose. Namjoon gave him an exasperated expression, which caused Jin to roll his eyes in annoyance. "You said it yourself, I am your family. You know me like the back of the hand. So why can't you tell that I have a crush on her!"

A look of shock crossed Namjoon's face, and suddenly Jin looked panicked as he glanced at the door.

"... That was loud wasn't it?" Jin muttered. Namjoon was too busy shaking his head while muttering to himself to even respond to him. "How did I not see that coming.. Oh goodness I'm an idiot. Why don't you tell her??"

"Because.. Because I'm afraid she won't like me back.." Jin said it so quietly that Namjoon wondered if he'd it heard right. He couldn't help but let out a laugh, which earned a glare from Jin.

"Sorry," Namjoon said, trying to wipe the smile off his face."but you're the most confident guy I know and you're telling me you're scared to tell her you like her."

"I see how you two are. I'm afraid that she might have caught feelings for you already."

"Y/N and I are just friends. Now stop standing here and get in there and tell her." Namjoon shoved Jin towards the door before he could protest, but when he opened the door they found you on the other side.

"Oh! Uhm.. I was just leaving.." You spun on your heel and tried to walk away but Namjoon grabbed your shoulder and stopped you. "No no, you two will talk this out."

Seokjin shuffled nervously as he watched Namjoon leave, facing you when you were alone. You looked back at him with a nervous smile, having heard everything. You tried to hide your excitement, because truth be told, you had feelings for him as well. Jin finally cleared his throat and spoke up.

"You probably already heard this.. But I think you deserve to hear it from me personally. I like you, Y/N."

Namjoon

Namjoon watched the way you reacted at one of Jungkook's jokes, the way your face lit up and how your body doubled over with laughter. He longed to be able to switch places with the younger member, and be the one who was making you so happy. He often fell into pits of insecurity seeing you with Jungkook, because everyone thought that you two made a wonderful couple. Even the other members preached about how you two would end up together, and get married and have kids, all while Namjoon bit his tongue and resisted the urge to tell them that he wanted that place reserved for him. He could never tell you, not at the risk that you may actually have feelings for Jungkook. So instead, he kept to himself and let you go on obliviously with your friendship.

You knocked on the door twice, then stood back and fiddled with the hem of your sleeves nervously. Namjoon opened the door, a look of surprise crossing his face when he saw you on the other side. "Oh! Y/N.. If you're looking for Jungkook, I'm sorry but he's not home. He went to go practice. You can come in and wait for him if you'd like though, he should be back soon." Namjoon moved out of the way, and you gave him a smile as you stepped inside.

"Actually.. I'm not here for Jungkook." You admitted.

"Oh that's okay- wait. Oh." Namjoon's face heated up as he slowly closed the door. Surely you weren't there to see him..

"Yeah. But uhm.. I am here about something that he told me." You sat down on the couch and Namjoon shuffled over, sitting on the couch opposite of you. He nervously replayed every single conversation that he had ever had with Jungkook, he had never admitted his feelings before right?

"Please don't be mad at him." You said while smiling sheepishly. "But he told me he went into your studio to look for you and he didn't find you. But your lyric book was open and he took a look at it and well.."

Namjoon's blood ran cold. He had definitely written about his feelings in there. The room was suddenly hot, he fidgeted with his hands anxiously and clenched his jaw, which caused the hallow of his dimple to be visible. Even now, he was stunning to look at. You took a moment to process this before speaking again.

"Namjoon." You called, so that he finally raised his gaze to you. "I don't want you to be mad at him. Because thanks to him I know how you feel. And thanks to him, you'll know how I feel."

"It's okay if you don't feel the same-"

"I like you too." You blurted out, cutting him off before he could voice anymore of his doubts. His face changed from worry to one of surprise, and then to a puppy-like smile of excitement. Suddenly all of the worry that he had before felt like it had been wiped out, replaced by the reassurance that you had caught feelings for him too. He was speechless.

"I.. Uh.. I don't know what to say. But I do know that there's an awesome restaurant down the street I haven't tried yet. Y/N, would you like to go with me?"

"Are you asking me out on a-"

"A date? Yes, yes I am."

Yoongi

No, bad bad Yoongi. What was he thinking? Telling you he had feelings for someone.. Then refusing to tell you who when you asked. He had been overworked and tired and with Hoseok not around he had gotten a surge of confidence to tell you, but then his confidence had faded and left him speechless. So instead of telling you, he had said that he had to go and had run off. He couldn't bring himself to say that the person he liked was you. You were best friends with Hoseok and knew the other five members, he had no hope that his feelings for you were mutual.

He agonized over his decisions as he made his way down to the kitchen to get a drink before returning to work in his studio.

"There you are Yoongi!" Hoseok exclaimed as he entered the kitchen. "Do you want to play some truth or dare with me?" He asked brightly, but Yoongi shook his head as he grabbed an energy drink.

"No thanks.. I need to get back to my studio. Besides, last time we played Truth or Dare, Jungkook drunk tweeted that he was pregnant." Yoongi closed the fridge and turned on his heel, starting to walk back to his studio. But Hoseok was following close behind, speaking over his shoulder.

"Don't worry, this won't even take that much of your time. Truth or dare?"

"Hobi I'm not-"

"Truth or dare??"

Yoongi sighed deeply, knowing that Hoseok wouldn't drop the subject that easily. "Fine. Truth."

"You like my best friend don't you?"

Yoongi's face went red as he came to an abrupt stop, giving Hoseok a wide-eyed stare and not knowing what to say. After a brief pause, he gave out a nervous laugh and shook his head as he started rushing back to his studio. "N-no.."

"I knew it! You totally do Yoongi, you should have seen the look on your face. Call her, call her right now and arrange a date! Or at least tell her!" Hoseok started excitedly shoving his phone into Yoongi's hand, but he refused and pushed it back towards him.

"No, she doesn't like me. There's no way. You have a better chance with her then I ever will." He opened the door to his studio but was surprised when Hoseok forcefully shoved it closed. He turned to him and was about to ask him what his problem was, but Hoseok was already talking.

"Yoongi. Y/N likes you. She's liked you from the day that I introduced her to all of you, and she's liked you ever since. She was always too afraid to tell you. And when you told her you liked someone, she came to me because she was afraid it was someone else. But I know you, we've shared the same room before." He grinned. "I know you Yoongi. And I know that you liked her too. So I told her not to give up hope, not yet. Now, I'm going to go back to my room and leave you alone. But you better pick up that phone as soon as I'm gone and call her. Okay?"

Yoongi watched as he walked down the hall and out of sight. He let out a breath of air he didn't know he'd been holding, walking into the studio and sinking back into his chair. His eyes stayed glued to his phone as a million thoughts buzzed around his head. And then, before he could stop himself, he reached out and grabbed his phone. Yoongi dialed your number with shaky hands and brought it up to his ear, waiting nervously for you to answer.

"....Hello? Y/N? Uhm yeah it's me.. Are you doing anything this Saturday?"

J-Hope

"Why aren't you eating? You know food from the fair isn't cheap." Jin tsked at Hoseok, who was too busy watching you stand in line with Jimin for a roller coaster ride. Taehyung reached over and stole the food off of Hoseok's plate and shoved it into his own mouth. He didn't even react, wishing he could man up and walk over to you right then and there. Namjoon followed his eyes and traced them back to you and Jimin, talking as you waited in line.

"....Ohhhhhh." Namjoon gave him a knowing grin. "I know what it is."

"You do?" Hoseok asked nervously. "It's not what it looks like-"

"-You want to go on the coaster but you're too scared. Its okay, I understand. You'll face your fears someday." Namjoon nodded wisely.

Yoongi, who had been watching everything, facepalmed. "No you idiot. He likes Y/N. He wants to be with Y/N." Suddenly all eyes were on him. Hoseok laughed nervously. "No.. No you've got it all wrong! I just hope they're having fun is all." Hoseok looked around desperately for something to take the attention off of him, when he noticed Jimin beckoning for him to go over. He looked around as if to make sure he wasn't motioning to someone else, then reluctantly got up and walked over to where he was. You had your back turned to them, watching the loops of the roller coaster. Once Hoseok was close enough, Jimin desperately gripped onto his arm and pulled him closer.

"Hobi please, switch me places."

"What-"

"I thought I could do this but I'm too scared to go onto this ride. Please go with Y/N I'll buy you anything you want."

Hoseok looked at him, and then at you who still hadn't noticed, and quickly swapped out places with Jimin before he could regret it. You turned around to say something and was suprised to see your best friend had been changed out for your crush. You tried to keep calm as you looked around.

"I- where did Jimin go? Oh no, he chickened out didn't he?" You sighed, you knew he would.

"Yeah he did.. But don't worry! You have me!" Hoseok faked his confidence with a smile, a smile that erupted butterflies in your stomach. You smiled reassuringly at him, but before you could thank him, the line started moving. Hoseok gulped back the urge to freak out as you two were escorted into a seat of the roller coaster. Perhaps, this hadn't been a good idea. He could not make a fool out of himself, he refused. He would be brave and courageous.

Of course, that wasn't gonna happen.

You both screamed most of the ride, screams mixed with laughter at the adrenaline of speeding down a railing and going through mutiple loops. You had knocked into the sides so many times you were sure you'd have bruises the next day. As Hoseok got off the ride, he was buzzing with excitement and adrenaline that he had actually done it. And so were you, so much so that as soon as you were on the ground, you tackled him in a hug. Hoseok didn't think twice to pick you up and twirl you around.

"We did it!"

"You did it!"

"I like you!"

You both went silent, Hoseok's eyes widened when he realized what he had said. He quickly put you down and his face went hot red as he tried to explain himself. "I mean- I like the ride and I like that you were with me and uhm.. Maybe you can ride me again- I mean, ride WITH me--"

You burst out laughing at how flustered he was. "Hobi, I like you too."

Hoseok's eyes went wide, a smile slowly creeping onto his face.

"Really? You do?? Oh man.. I guess it was worth it to have a heart attack on that ride then."

[tardigraded20]

Witchy Questions

1. Are you solitary or in a coven? -solitary, you think i have time for humans? 2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other? -Idk someone who said fuck other religions and said revive the old gods 3. What is your zodiac sign? -Gemini 4. Do you have a Patron God/dess? -I don’t, but I am open to it 5. Do you work with a Pantheon? -No, but I am looking into the norse pantheon  6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or any other kind of divination? -tarot and rune stones 7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any) -bergamont and I use incense 8. How would you define your craft? -idk i diy religion  9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do? -No, i haven't tried but I would if i was motivated for it 10. How long have you been practicing? -5 years? I guess? I don’t count 11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars? -lmao i wish 12. Do you believe in Karma or Reincarnation? -Karma yes, I am not sure about reincarnation 13. Do you have a magical name? -how do you find that? 14. Are you “out of the broom closet”? -Yeah, but im not sure how much my dad thinks im serious   15. What was the last spell you performed? -A positivity jar  16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable? -about mythology yes but actual witchcraft? Kinda.  17. Do you write your own spells? -im not that original lol  18. Do you have a book of shadows? If so, how is it written and/or set up? -I do but its kinda just a book i occasionally write in  19. Do you worship nature? -somewhat, but its not a focus  20. What is your favorite gemstone? -umbalite and labradorite 21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work? -feathers and naturally fell from a bird  22. Do you have an altar? -yes 23. What is your preferred element? -fire 24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist? -no 25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch? -idk  26. What got you interested in witchcraft? -lmao percy jackson 27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch? -no 28. Have you ever used Ouija? -Yup, at school in the hallway  29. Do you consider yourself a psychic? -pfft no 30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it? -no, but I am looking into it 31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started? -Not everything is black and white, you can do your own thing 32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite? -Yeah, although mildly. My favorite is Samhain 33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children? -yes but i would never force it on them 34. Do you meditate? -I try too but not often    35. What is your favorite season? -autumn 36. What is your favorite type of magick to preform? -Nature based magic 37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life? -Appreciate nature  38. What is your favorite witchy movie? -Kiki's Delivery Service 39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why? -The Raven Boys because it is fucking amazing 40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not. -some shitty rain spell from a childs book 41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you? -when i was in Senior Kindergarten I saw a “fairy” 42. What is your favorite type of candle to use? -beesewax 43. What is your favorite witchy tool? -candles 44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools? -I use a rock to grind shit because i dont have a pestle and mortar  45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fae or spirits? -I want to try working with fae but I need to learn more 46. Do you practice color magic? -yes, a bit 47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind? -No, I think? I have older online witchy people I talk to but no mentor 48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies? -In person, but somethings you can only get online 49. Do you believe in predestination or fate? -I guess? I think that life has a story that gives you options and a new story starts on what you choose, kinda like an RPG 50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice? -Read into it and appreciate it more 51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences? -yes, at my grandmas funeral     52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve? -”I CAn PrAcTiCe CLoSEd ReligIoNs If i aM rEsPeCtFul” 53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent? -bergamont    54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind? -no but I should 55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster? -spilling wax on myself    56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success? -not burning the house down    57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about? -chanting shit in my room    58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too? -yup    59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work? -of course, its dealing with things that dont have 100% safety measures    60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain? -lmao I one day want to be a teacher but I never feel knowledgeable enough for that     61. What is something witch related that you want right now? -my own pestle and mortar    62. What is your rune of choice? - Hagalaz   63. What is your tarot card of choice? -the empress    64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite? -Lemongrass 65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses? -no   66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public? -Yup, I have a cheap ass pentagram necklace    67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch? 68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines? -no because I am poor and where would I find one?    69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft? -yes 70. What are your favorite things about being a witch? -those scared looks that karens give you, even though you are eating cupcakes and smiling    71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch? -the amount of people who keep on trying to make you christian      72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band? -heatherdale    73. Do you celebrate the sabbats? If so, how? -yes, by lighting candles and making tea 74. Do you ever work skyclad? -I want to be but nooo 75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how? -makes me happier 76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice? -other witches and what makes me happy 77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc) -The fae yes, but like celtic like ones 78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol? -I have none    79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not? -No, because I am not ready for it   80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice? -Hahahaha no, if you dont respect my religion I dont have time for you    81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow? -meditation and divination     82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice? -beesewax 83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it? -have a bath 84. What real life witch most inspires your practice? @spellchased 85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity? -meditation and a yes-no pendulum 86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients? -in jars and by aesthetics    87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of? -my mom is interested in druidry but doesn't call herself one    88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it? -I dont know? I just did what felt right.    89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they? -No    90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven? -with closed practices you need to be initiated, but with open religions thats not the case 91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought? -incense tray and incense    92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been? -The Hagia Sophia in Istanbul     93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities? -Read. Just read a lot.    94. What techniques do you use to 'get in the zone’ for meditation? -Silence and deep breathing 95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it? -I need to practice it     96. Do you prefer day or night? Why? -night because i dont sleep 97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work? -My best time is the full moon at midnight  98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly? -It was okay, nothing special     99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice? -old practices become easy, but you learn more complicated things 100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces? 101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy? -I eat cheese, eggs and fish 102. What is your favorite color and why?  -purple, blue and yellow because its pretty 103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond? -why dont you respect Jesus? Because he did nothing for me Susan.  104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest? -sight 105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice? -Karma, I keep on doing shitty things 

@prettyalice13

[blookmallow]

i started a very confusing game about graveyards and i do not understand it but im having a good time. sort of. mostly 

a FRUSTRATING time. but. i Will figure this shit out 

so my guy got transported to another world/possibly back in time/Something and everyone has declared him the graveyard keeper, which he does not want to be, but *I* want to be, so that’s a shame for him. there’s a plot where you’re trying to figure out how to get back home. i do not care about this plot 

looks like i can build a Corpse Hatch, which sounds lovely 

why thank you, talking donkey

not sure why there’s a steady corpse delivery coming in from apparently all the same nearby town but who am i to question this 

i agree wholeheartedly 

my talking skull friend taught me that autopsies are just slicing off pieces of flesh. it is very scientific and im positive this is how autopsies work

i also learned a bunch of recipes for burgers and sandwiches for doing this, and the skull buddy encouraged me to go sell the “meat” in town, which is INCREDIBLY ALARMING

i later learned how to get more things than just flesh out of the corpses!! i can get all kinds of great organs and bones now!!! i dont know what the fuck to do with them!!!! im filling a box in my house with them!!!!!

press E to grave 

my main first job was to fix up this mess of a graveyard, which sounds simple, but you only get a few repair kits, and its not. really explained how to get more, so i got stuck on a wild loop of nonsense trying to figure out how the fuck to fix these graves

- theres a village nearby with shops, but i can’t buy anything because i have no money. i get burial certificates for my grave digging, but i cant redeem them for essentially my paycheck at the moment bc the town is broke. i forget what im supposed to do to help that situation. i have thus far not found anything i can sell except like, trading a ton of materials for like One useful thing. im sure there is a system here but i do Not know what it is. i did in fact get desperate enough to consider my skull friend’s suggestion of selling corpse meat but i apparently am not allowed to do that without a stamp of quality/approval/whatever to uh. try to avoid the exact thing im trying to do :’ )  

who would ever DO such a thing

- anyway then i spent like an in-game week trying to figure out how the fuck to get more repair kits before i realized i could unlock crafting skills which led me to “ok to build a repair kit i need a carpenter bench. which is apparently not something im supposed to find somewhere but i can build one, which would have been great to know a week ago” “to get a carpenter bench i need [various wood materials]” “to make the materials i need i gotta make a sawhorse” “to get a sawhorse i need logs” “to get logs i need to chop down trees OK THATS A THING I CAN DO I GOT THIS” [gets stuck for like 20 minutes because i could carry the log, but not put the log in my inventory, and setting the log down by the saw thing doesn’t allow you to use it, and it turns out theres actually this OTHEr thing in my yard i needed to put the log on first and THEN i could use it,]

- eventually somewhere in that mess i realized i could just build new grave markers, which was actually easier than making new repair kits to fix the existing ones, so i just started crafting a fuckload of grave markers and tossing all the broken ones in the chest outside the church. its fine

- i also can’t figure out the food crafting system, bc of the same “you need [x] ingredient. to get that you have to make [y] ingredient. to make [y] you need to find [z] and [n]” loop problem, so i keep running out of energy and having to go take naps constantly bc thats the only way i have to get it back

- this is all the first major task of the game, by the way, which i think was intended to be completed in the first few days. it took me like almost an in-game month to figure out what i needed to do and craft everything to get there

its SUCH a mess but im so determined to figure it out lmao i Will become a competent grave keeper 

i also do not know what will happen when my graveyard runs out of space bc i have a steady supply of corpses and a very limited churchyard to work with 

i dont think im allowed to just start digging random graves all over the town otherwise i would absolutely start digging random graves all over the town 

i legitimately got STUCK here for like 10 minutes bc these guys wandered over and blocked me in and just stood there for a million years and i could not get around them/can’t interact with them at all in any way so i just had to stand there until one of them decided to leave 

ah yes, here we are in the great kingdom of The Kingdom, in a little farming village known as The Village, just outside of The Town 

sir i was born for this mission 

a ghost came to me in my house and asked me to dig up one of the graves bc that guy is Really Annoying and throwing off the whole vibe, and i cant have that of course so i dug up the corpse and dumped it in the river and then my skull friend got mad at me because come ON man, what are you DOING, obviously cremation is the best way to dispose of a body, 

its shit like this that makes me absolutely determined to figure out this crafting nightmare i LIVE for this 

uhh

APPARENTLY I CAN CRAFT FAITH PARTICLES BY PREACHING. SURE. OK. WHAT DO I EVEN DO WITH THIS

also i really dont think a grave digger is qualified to be a pastor but apparently thats also my job too now 

i mean, im great at it, but thats beside the point 

(this is scripted i didnt make him say this lmao but) 

ALSO I FOUND BLOOD IN A TRUNK IN THE CHURCH BASEMENT! PROBABLY FINE! 

i found a study table but i cannot study anything bc i dont have any science

i m going to bed i cant deal with this anymore right now :’   ) 

[jaimetheexplorer]

I brought down by niks latest interview.Saying "J never needed redemp.He was a guy who certain circumstances in his life e.g. Kingslayer so then he needed to redeem himself bc he did this horrible thing when killing the Mad King. Then N said the redemp arc where he had to be good guy, stay with Bri etc that's not GOT.You cant erase ur prev life.Jaime bel that redeem urself meant redeeming his past and he couldnt. He can't cut off who he was.The idea of leaving C alone is impossible to him" Wtf?

2/2 Downhearted anon. Just that interview makes no sense. In prev season interviews, wasnt Nik wanting Jaime to escape Cersei for good and be with Braime forever, like he was the biggest Braime shipper??? I dont understand. Does he think ppl don’t remember stuff? Its a shame theres no way to ask him about this.

Dear Downhearted anon,

I have to admit I read only a short excerpt from that interview, so I might have missed some of the other content, but, from what I read, this is what I can say.

There are different layers to his comments, IMO. One is the take on the story, and the other is the justification of the writing choices. And, as much as I might vehemently disagree with the former, what I take issue with is the latter.

When it comes to the take on the story, we have to remember that he has to talk about the actual content of the show. The show, unfortunately, did go with the idea that Jaime is essentially doomed to never escape his past. I do not believe that is his arc in the books for many reasons, and I think it was extremely underwhelming, nihlistic and unsatisfying even just taking the context of the show into account. But, unfortunately, nihilistic and unsatisfying is what we got. The show was aiming for romanticizing incest and abuse romantic tragedy with JC, in the end (I actually think there was a far more disastrous chain of events at play, which required multiple OOC developments for multiple major characters just to arrive to Jon killing Dany - but that’s a longer story), and it is what it is. He has to talk about the reality of the episodes, not the alternatives.

If you take most of Nik’s comments, and go back to read D&D’s and Cogman’s interviews from the past, you’ll notice that it’s mostly stuff that’s lifted straight from their quotes, even down to the language: “good guy/bad guy”, “he doesn’t have a redemption arc”, “it’s just life, and he has made some mistakes”. I don’t know whether this is because he had a “final season” briefing with them and came around to see things their way and agree, or because he was told this is what he was supposed to say about the story, or because even though he doesn’t agree with it, this is what was written in the end and so this is what he talks about. His reasoning for saying these things is anybody’s guess and kind of beyond the point. But, where before he used to have his own take on the character and his arc, he’s now basically regurgitating the party line.

For my part, I never completely disagreed with the idea that Jaime does not need redemption per se. Jaime doesn’t need atonement for slaying the Mad King, for sure. He needs recognition for that. He needs atonement for a other horrible things he’s done, but even those (e.g., pushing Bran, the incest) are more about moral gray areas areas than villainous behaviour per se, since he’s never committed atrocious acts just for his own selfish gain, or for power, or because he enjoyed hurting and killing. More importantly, I have always seen Jaime’s story as more of an identity arc, where redemption is just one component. In that sense, I can agree with the take that that he is a “complex character who, at times, has made some terrible mistakes”. Jaime is not, and never was, a straightforward villain who needs to atone for his sins. He’s a much more complex and layered mix of sins and honour, and goodness and idealism turned bitterness and cynicism, and a messy product of living most of his life in toxic and abusive environments who, in some situations, has committed some horrible mistakes that he needs to own up to and face the consequences of, and who is trying to redefine and reinvent himself in the aftermath of some life-changing events such as losing his hand, meeting Brienne and growing disillusioned with Cersei. 

The problem is that, while D&D preach about Jaime being a complex character who does not need a ‘cheesy’ linear redemption arc, they also, in the same breath, justify an ending that shoves him precisely into a clear, black-and-white, simplistic category (”he just accepts he is a hateful man”) or display the psychological depth of a 5th grader (go check out their take on the sept scene in their Oxford Union Q&A and their inability to think in any more complex terms than “good guy/bad guy” or to understand that not all “bad” actions are equal). They’re not deep writers, and that shows painfully in their execution. But I can understand the “no need for redemption” arc, from a theoretical/philosophical perspective.

What I take far more issue with is justifying writing choices by attempting to play the realism card, or the adult writing card, or the “this is GoT” card, basically implying that everyone who dislikes or criticize it is being unrealistic, immature or unsophisticated for not accepting the only inevitable outcome to a story (I wrote a twitter thread about it this week). Just because your story has decided to depict things in a certain way, it does not mean that that is the only realistic option for the story, and that people who expected/wanted/hoped for something different were fooling themselves, let alone that it had to be written that way because that is how life works.

Sure, there are people who fail to break away from their (abusive, traumatic, toxic, what have you) past and move on, but there are also plenty of people who do, and who end up thriving. One outcome isn’t any more realistic or true to life than the others. And, while some might think this is a hyperbole, it is highly irresponsible, IMO, to say that being unable to escape toxicity and your past is “the way things are”, when there might be people out there who do struggle with trauma, toxic and abusive relationship (or know people who do).

On top of that, it is rather silly to imply that we were expecting some unrealistic, too-easy scenario, where Jaime flipped a switch and totally erased his past overnight. That implication is misguided, at best, and dishonest, at worst. We put up with four entire seasons of show-only “non-linear” storytelling when it comes to Jaime, and were incredibly patient with it. Wasn’t the point of those four seasons precisely to show that life is complicated and he couldn’t just let go of his past so easily? We watched that. It happened. Nothing about this was easy or unearned.

Had we been shown a Jaime who was 100%, stupidly and completely devoted to Cersei at every turn, cruel, evil, selfish and not caring about the innocents, of course expecting an outcome where he just leaves it all behind for a honourable wench or what have you would have been a ridiculous expectation to have. Indeed, back when Jaime did come across as that kind of character, nobody was expecting anything from him. He could have died with Cersei under those bricks and most wouldn’t have cared.

Instead, for years, we were shown a Jaime that did struggle between his toxic past/Cersei and his honour and, far more often than not, we saw his honour win out. While I can see an argument for saying that didn’t guarantee an outcome where he did break free of his past for good, it’s not like like there was no buildup or seeding for the more positive, less nihilistic alternative. So I don’t find it so far fetched to have expected the events of S7 to be the last straw that finally tipped the scales completely to the other side (especially considering how 8x02 was written very heavily to imply just that or, at the very least, did not seed any doubt).

By Nikolaj’s own admission in TONS of interviews, he had been fighting with D&D for years because he expected things to move in a certain direction and kept getting frustrated when they didn’t, or when they confused him. He wanted the exact same things we wanted for Jaime and in his relationships with Cersei and Brienne since SEASON 2. He might have resigned himself in the end to having lost the battle, but he behaved exactly like us for years. So, assuming he believes what he is saying, if I could talk to him, I’d ask him how is it that he got the same feeling of “expectation” for something that in the end never came? Maybe because the seeding for both options were there all along? Maybe because, if the seeding for both options were there all along, the alternative isn’t so far fetched and inconceivable after all? Maybe because if the alternative isn’t so far fetched and inconceivable after all, then what we got isn’t the only inevitable way this could go down? Food for thought.

Of course, I want to believe that he isn’t that tone-deaf and unsophisticated as an actor (and a writer) not to realize that the only problem with the way Jaime and JB were written in S8 was not the fact that they didn’t get a HEA. Ignoring the writing quality, for a moment, and just focusing on the writing choices, there were literally dozens of ways of writing a story that ended even in a similar tragedy (EVEN with Jaime dying with Cersei), that would have been far better and more satisfying than what we got. The problem isn’t that Jaime didn’t declare his everlasting love for Brienne or that he didn’t stay together with her. The problem is that we patiently waited through all the buildup and seeding mentioned above, for years, for a relationship that ended up being butchered within 30 minutes, destroying literally everything it ever stood for (first and foremost trust and respect - I am not going to list everything, but Jaime trying to sneak out without so much of a goodbye and being completely indifferent to her pain after she vouched for him and saved his life multiple times was not only OOC, but completely unnecessary to the plot, unless it aimed to destroy the foundations of their bond, way beyond the romance).

To conclude, I’ll leave you with GRRM’s own words, when asked about Jaime’s redemption arc that he, unlike the show, has explicitly stated he wishes to explore:

“I want there to be a possibility of redemption for us, because we all do terrible things. We should be able to be forgiven. Because if there’s no possibility of redemption, what’s the answer then?”

The show decided that the answer is that we don’t escape our past. We are doomed from the beginning and any attempt to change and move on is eventually futile (and that ended up being true of nearly every character in the show, not just Jaime). But that doesn’t seem to be at all the stance GRRM has on this whole thing, and I would dare anyone to tell me that GRRM’s vision and his writing are inferior, too easy, or less realistic than what we got from the show.

There’s no guarantee that Jaime will survive in the books, or that he and Brienne will get a HEA (although I do not rule it out at all).  But the fact that the man who invented these characters and this world has a different stance on Jaime and redemption automatically invalidates any nonsense show people can say about how this was the perfect and only way it could end, and that expecting anything different from this series was wishful thinking.

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Ayato Sakamaki (Story 03)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too! I’m an amateur translator, but I hope you do enjoy it anyway!♡

Place: Orange Mansion ー Living room

Ayato: Ugh it’s so annoying. Ruki gathered us all here, I wonder what's the reason for this.

Yui: Eh, what you mean?

(It's been a few days since I joined them, but nothing happened until now)

(Is he gathering us all to discuss what we will do in the future?)

*Ruki enters*

Ruki: Is everyone here?

Shin: Yes, we are. We were waiting for you

Yui: (I’m wondering what they will talk about, I hope it’s not some privat sibling stuff)

Ruki: It’s been a few days since Eve joined our mansion. So let's talk about our present situation again.

Until now we’re having Eve, the key to become king, but she couldn't give us any informations until now.

Yui: (That's right, tho. I’m the key to make someone the king but I still don’t know how)

(I actually don’t know anything about Adam and Eve)

(No matter how long Ruki-kun is waiting, I can’t help them now...)

Ruki: I wonder whats causing your lack of memories, but as long as they come back soon, I dont mind it.

Thats why we should start to prepare for the worst scenario. At least, until she remembers everything again.

What I mean is, that we should prepare for an attack from the other families.

Yui: Attack..?!

(That’s right, they are going to fight their real brothers because they don’t remember them)

Shin: Hm. I like the idea. It's a good opportunity to beat the disturbing flies that aim for Eve.

Ayato: Yes thats it. So it‘s okay to kill every member of each family?

Ruki: Thats right

Kanato: Is that so. I‘ll be welcoming all those noisy people in hell if they just try to enter our mansion.

Yui: (The atmosphere just changed... I‘m sure it’s going to get serious. But I don’t want them to kill each other.)

Shin: Don’t you think the Violet family with Carla as their head will attack as first?

He‘s the one who would be the most violent in getting her in his fingers. Thats why, we should eliminate him first.

Yui: (Shin-san, Carla is your brother and you‘d never want to hurt him...)

Kanato: We should be aware of the scarlet family with Reiji as their head tho. They seem to be pretty strong too.

Ayato: That’s interesting. It seems like we wont be able to kill them without a strategic and smart plan.

In my opinion the first person who would attack us is that insane guy. Reiji wouldnt be a big problem

Kanato: Well, you have a big mouth Ayato-kun. There won’t be any forgiveness if you lose Eve to anyone else

I'll tear you down and make you regret that you even started breathing the same air as I did. 

Yui: (This really means they are going to kill their real brothers...! They can’t do that)

(But, what can I do, how can I get everyone’s memories back...?)

(More then anything else, I want Ayato-kun to get his memories back... maybe we could escape then)

Ruki: A few days passed since we received Eve into our house. Until then nobody decided to make any further movements.

Ayato: Well, if you really think thats the case.  We should attack them as long as we can!

Ruki:*sigh* That idea is completly nonsense. But, we should think about a plan for now.

Tell me about your opinions.

I cant think straight in such a situation anymore, thats why I will listen to whatever your plans are.

Ayato: Well why don’t we split up then.

Shin: Not bad, Ayato. What is our brother thinking about that plan?

I wouldnt come up with a better idea, brother

Ayato: Tch, brother, my brother my ass.

Ruki: Shin, Kanato you two are going to collect, any possible information about the families then. If you got sth imporant report it immediately to me.

Shin: Got it.

Kanato: ...Understood.

Ruki: Ayato will be waiting in the Mansion, while taking care over Eve. You better take responsibility for your role as guard.

Kanato: Wait a second. Why is ayato only waiting here.

Ayato: Eh?! Dont talk shit! Why do I need to stay home!?

Kanato: I just cant accept that. Why can’t I stay here instead of Ayato and look after Eve?

Yui: Huh?! Kanato-kun...

Ayato: I’ve been locked up in that mansion until forever now. I want to go outside too.

Ruki: ......

Kanato: Ayato, are you agreeing with my interests?

Let’s exchange roles then. You just need to hand it over to me, I promise, I‘ll take care of Eve from now on

Ayato: Hah? As if I‘d give my role away. She‘ll obviously go with me and get informations

Yui: Huh? What are you saying it’s dangerous if I go outside..

Kanato: Thats right. What kind of an idiot are you to get such an idea.

There is no way you could guarantee that Eve is safe in your hand either. She could be robbed away immediately if you don’t pay attention.

Ayato: I know how to protect her!

Kanato: I don’t agree

Shin: Cut it out already you two! Is it too much to ask if you could follow the orders you were given?

We'll do it as our brother instructed already. Kanato is going outside, Ayato will stay here.

Ayato: I did not agree to that decision yet!

Kanato: I totally hate this decision

Ruki: — be quit

Kanato: ......huh?

Ayato: What is it....

Ruki: Ayato, Kanato. You‘re misunderstanding the situation.

You two are useless for me if you don’t do what I order you to. I have no use for you then.

Kanato: ...

Ayato: ...

Yui: (Amazing, Ruki was able to make them quite that easily...)

Ruki: The most important thing is now, Eve needs to be protected at all cost

Don’t make any moves out of your own Intension... I’ll give you the orders 

You just have to play along to what I say. Got it?

Ayato: ...Tch

Kanato: ...Hmh

Ruki: Its settled, cool your head for a while, until you are completly calm

Shin: Heh, it looks good. You should do what our brother says.

*Shin and Ruki leave*

Yui: (They both left...)

Ayato: Damn it!

Yui: (He kicked a chair...! He’s really angry)

Ayato-kun you should relax a little...

Ayato: Shut up! Fuck this, I'm leaving!

*Ayato leaves*

Yui: Hm! Wait, Ayato-kun! Where are you going?!(Ayato can’t let me stay here lonely! I need to follow him!)

*Yui follows him*

Kanato: ...*giggles*

Place: Orange Mansion ー Corridor

Yui: A-Ayato-kun, wait! Please calm down...!

Ayato: You can calm down!

That intelligent bastard, is always so annoying. I’m not taking any order from him!

Yui: (He’s so angry... that’s so frustrating)

(When I was at Sakamaki's house,Shu and Reiji were always fighting like that)

(Shu-san doesn't interfere and Reiji-san is a little tough to handle, I really miss them)

(It may be that Ruki-kun's way of giving instructions is making him angry) 

Ayato: I hate being locked up, the great me is supposed to do sth better as playing around.

That bastard should actually know that! 

Yui: Maybe... it is better for everyone that way

(I know Ayato-kun is strong, I wonder why he cant go...)

Ayato: Hah? What are you saying. Did you secretly team up with that bastard or what?!

Yui: Kya!

(My shoulders are pressing against the wall, it hurts—)

Choices

1) ーStop him (black)

2) ーDont fight (white)♡♡♡

ー Stop him

Yui: It hurts! Stop that...!

Ayato: What are you saying. You are usually enjoy it aren’t you?

Yui: ...I dont

Ayato: heh...! You’re a pretty bad liar.

Just continue lying to me and I'm going to be angry. 

Yui: Ayato...kun...   

ー Dont fight♡

Yui: I don’t wanna say I’m weak... ah.. It’s just that I don’t want to fight with you...

Ayato: You are weak! Im stronger than anyone in this house! I want you to know that

Yui: That’s not it...

Ayato: I'm stronger than anyone, I’d never lose!

So don’t worry about it.

You just have to remember that you’re protected by me. I won’t let anything happen to you

Yui: (I know that Ayato is stronger and cooler than anyone else!)

(I’m just worried about him, because I love Ayato-kun)

end Choices

Yui: No, I just want to think about ways other than fighting...

Ayato: The scent of your blood is distracting me.

Yui: .....ah....!

Ayato: I might try another place today, what do you mean?

Yui: Eh, that is...!

Ayato: That’s right, I’m going to pierce you with my fangs just because you like it.

You want to feel the pleasure right? Let me hear your voice then.

....ahh.....ah... haa... aah....., You look excited, I know you like it when my fangs pierce your smooth skin...ahh..!

Yui: Ahh...Hmm...!

(I want the Ayato who I feel in love with, back then so badly)

(It's true that our thoughts were connected but everything’s vanished now.)

Ayato: Look at me. In this house, no, who is the strongest in the world? 

It’s me right? Say it for me. I won’t stop until you do as I say.

Ah... Hmm...Ahh... !

Yui: ....Ahh...!

(...What. He’s more violent today. My conscious is fading... already...)

(I don’t want to say that..., but if I don't say what he wants, he’ll kill me like that...!)

Ayato: Hey, say it, Chichinashi 

Yui: You’re the best Ayato-kun...

Ayato: It’s Ayato-sama!

Yui: Ayato...sama...hn..

Ayato: heh, you’re not done yet

Yui: ...is... the... best...

Ayato: You really cant say it without me getting a little rougher on you

Show me more of that face... Ah... Haa... Aah... !

Yui: No... ahh!

Ayato: Heh... why are you pretending that you don’t like it? You should beg more for me...

Yui: (I can’t feel any strength in my hands and feet —)

Ayato: Whats with your strength. Are you giving up already?

Yui: stop...!

(I fell on the floor... I tried to get away from him, but he forced me to stay.)

Ayato: You truly are an idiot. Get up now.

It seems that it was so miserable that you'd rather be sleeping on the floor then preach me. Hehe!

Yui: (This atmosphere— It’s like the first days I met Ayato-kun...)

(Back then, I hated him...)

Ayato: What is it now.  Even if you show me those hate filled eyes, I will not show sympathy.

Yui: (That Ayato-kun in front of me is not the person I fell in love with)

(I know Ayato-kun, he cares about my feelings and considers how much he sucks...)

(But he’s not here anymore—)

Ayato: (That was fun. After all it is the most interesting to play with her like that ......)

*strange noise* Ayato: ...ugh... what is it?

...Not again. Why did it come back... shit

Yui: Ayato-kun... what’s wrong? Are you okay?

Ayato: Shut up, it’s nothing serious. It’s just this annoying dazzling again...

Place: Sakamaki mansion ー Outside

Ayato: ugh...?!

Yui: Ayato-kun...?

Ayato: ah... ahh... ahh.. Just what, was that...?

Yui: W-What is it...?

Ayato: There was a place, which I don’t know... running through my head...

Yui: Hey?

*time passed*

Yui: (What does that mean? Did he remember sth from the past, what was it)

(Maybe his real memories are coming back little by little?)

Ayato: ughh... that was weird. Was that a kind of daydream? I really don’t know...

Yui: (I believe that Ayato still has some memories in his head. If I’m only able to recover them —)

Ayato: I’ll return to my room now. Let’s continue our play on another day.

*Ayato leaves*

Yui: Ayato-kun...

Ayato: (That dazzling is so annoying when it appears.)

....why is it only happening when I’m going to drink her blood?

That place... I've seen it, but I don’t remember it, yet I feel like I’ve been there.

Besides, I get that strange feeling when I suck her blood.

She's just my bait, I shouldn’t worry too much about it.

There’s, something burning in my heart... what is that supposed to mean.

Fuck, I’m getting irritated. I’m sure it was just a daydream.

Surely if I stress myself with that dazzling, it might get worse at that point.

Whatever, I shall go to my room.

That woman won’t get away that easy next time. 

I wonder what we should play tomorrow... let’s see.

→ Story 04

← Story 02

[megan-lovell-blog]

journal

Placing myself within contemporary art structures.

I think I have found it difficult to place myself within a contemporary art framework, I find myself in my work, as in all other aspects of my life, straying from the status quo and rejecting societal norms. To me there is an internal struggle between the bourgeouis of the art world and how out of touch this feels with my views of the world and my place within it. Nevertheless, I am very much a traditional maker, to me the only way I have felt justified in creating work, is to create work with a very high level of skill. I am disheartened, in many ways, by the switch in the art world of concept over skill and craftsmanship, and feel as though the latter must very much exist in order for the former to be relevant. Art often feels very capitalist to me and with that it loses it's sense of soul, however I also struggle to see the justification in making a piece of work that anybody could make. As an artist, as in all other fields of work, I feel as though one has to be skilled in their medium. I have also often found it difficult to really be confident in what it is, I want to say. The turmoil is again present in a feeling that I dont find myself wanting to preach or feel as though I am trying to make a comment on anything from a pedestal, as though the viewer would be entirely unable to come to this revelation on their own. Despite this, I find myself to be quite an opinionated person, with a huge amount of discontent in many aspects current society, as such I find myself living on the fringes, with a markable sense of disenfranchisement that inevitably feeds continuously into my  life and sense of identity. So paradoxically, I am attempting sometimes to keep the very essence of my being and belief system out of my work out of a sense of ego and pride that I don’t want to ram my views down the throats of others, whom I believe are largely blind to the system that they are playing into. I am also concerned that in trying to force political or societal commentary or meaning onto work, it will seem forced, convoluted and inevitably too loaded. Until now, I have immersed myself in what i have felt to be the most honest part of art, exploring materials, honing craft, justifying my existence in the art world based on my attention to detail and commitment to craftsmanship. I can not, however, deny the fact that there is subliminally some very specific imagery and themes that reoccur within my work. Thematically, there is a distinct air of the fantastical with a macabre and slightly unsettling undertone. For me, there is some very personal symbolism and meaning involved in each individual piece, that I have begun finding it really interesting to dissect as a tool of self-reflection and understanding... sometimes almost to the point of psychoanalysis. However, this is quite personal and actually not something, I find is necessary or relevant to share with a viewer. What I have begun to explore within the slightly fantasy nature of my work is an element of story telling, creating characters and stories that go with them. I have not yet decided whether or not I feel the need to display the story with the pieces or they can help influence my creation of the sculptures which can speak for themselves. I find the idea of characters as metaphors for elements of the human condition, particularly within our current societal structures, means that I can explore these themes that are so fascinating to me without feeling as though I am standing on a soapbox. I guess the slightly macabre element to my work is largely that I dont feel the need to work through or bring attention to the easy and light bits of life, the bits that nobody talks about but everybody struggles with consciously or not are far more interesting to me, I want to bring attention to the vulnerabilities, fears and laments of humankind. Currently, I am almost solely using children as my subject matter, I believe this is because of the innate vulnerability, fragility and innocence that they represent. They are also a blank canvas, for me they represent infinite possibilities and potential. When we are children we can be anything and we believe we can be anything, it's as we age that the effects of responsibility, fortune, courage, education etc constrain us and map our lives moving forwards. With regards to the showing of my work, I struggle with the idea of my work being solely for a gallery, or a private collection, it makes it again, for a particular kind of person to enjoy. I want my work to be viewed outside, in public, for as many people as possible to see and interact with. Moving forward I would really like my work to potentially take on an element of entertainment, potentially in the form of narration of puppet shows, or a sculpture trail that is guided and narrated maybe even in song. I would really like my work to be accessible to many and to evoke imagination, joy, sadness and thought, I want it to make people think and maybe relate the microcosms to their own lives and unique experiences. I have begun to make links with my own work and a mythical element, much of the anthropomorphisation and even choice of materials innately has metaphor and meaning. I have begun to draw out the subconscious meanings that are involved in the symbolism in my work. Many of these meanings for me are very personal to my own experience of life and probably a certain amount of trauma related to this. I do however, feel as though the symbolism and general themes are not unusual and are commonplace in the lives of many and thus can be easily identified with. I feel as though my work is definitely currently sitting within the realms of contemporary classicism with regards to my requirement to make work that is of high attention to detail and anatomically correct. I feeel as though this works really well alongside my use of a fantastical element, myths and legends, which often featured in the works of classical and neoclassical artists.

Myth-Science/ Fictioning Lecture with Simon Clarke

Simon Clarkes lecture on myth-science and fictioning was incredibly useful and inspriring as it discussed the use of fiction and myth-making to create alternative realities and concepts that are difficult to explain or would be difficult to get one's head around otherwise. Simon discussed the use of fictioning in explaining concepts that could bring about radical change, potentially in creating a new future society, dealing with capitalism and environmental issues. Simon also led a couple of exercises based around creating fiction as a group and another involving making sounds as a collective and trying to work together to organically grow the sounds. These were fascinating to me as it was a lesson in collaboration, connection, releasing inhibitions, and felt very thought provoking as we so infrequently come together in a group of people, particularly those we don't know well, and engage in something that feels vulnerable and exposing. Futhermore to this, infrequently do we work as a community without favour for anyone to create something that is of benefit to all of us, even if this is simply chanting, singing and stomping ones feet. The story we created with joint ownership, was about a newly hatched octopus treading water above inky depths, who upon hearing breathing above him remembered he was no longer a bowl of tulips and so jumped up out of the water to look for the tulips which were his former self, only to be sucked into a vacuum cleaner where he spent eternity cotinuing his search for himself in a world of dust particles. Initially, I felt as though much of the story was not as I would have liked to write it myself and seemed stupid, but on further examination it was actually quite beautiful, meaningful and very reminiscent of old fables or stories from many cultures around the world. To me it spoke of someone trying desperately to grasp at old aspects of themselves which they hold in reverence and thus never being able to fully actualise the person they have now become, which has a world of potential you are too scared to find out. This lecture spurred me on to look at the use of myths in art throughout history and looking at the relationship between myth and metaphor within art. 'Metaphor allows us to understand abstract or inherently unstructured subject matter in terms of a more concrete or at least more structured subject matter' (Lakoff 1993:228-229). Much like it was discussed in Simon's lecture, stories, metaphors and myths have all been used as vehicles for broaching much more complex and often contentious or loaded topics and ideas. I also came across the notion that the time in which many of the myths we still know today was very poignant in the creedance they were given as without science there was more validity in mysticism as genuine explanation. I would potentially argue that one may as well believe in the old gods and any number of other old wives tales, in fact if they did so with so much unquestioning vehemance as they do capitalist constructs, the world would probably at least be mostly nicer and a bit more fun, as this is just as much a made up concept as the tooth fairy but with a horrendous amount more greed, callousness and poverty.

Woodcutting collaborative Project

This has been a challenging project for me as I feel it doesn't really fit for where my work has been going recently. I felt resistant to it as it seemed not to showcase my strengths, but I have overall enjoyed the project and have found a way to make a piece of work that I feel is relevant to me. The woodcut is of a young girl being held up by nature, with which I have written a story that has actually been very challenging to write. For me it is quite poignant and very close to my heart, I am not sure if I feel they completely match as pieces of work, as the picture itself very much has more of a bite the hand that feeds element to it. To me it speaks of the idea that we are held up and kept alive by a natural world which we then abuse for our own satisfaction, greed or desire to own thebeauty of as opposed to just witness it. I am pleased with the image overall, and feel as though it is something I would like to pursue further potentially for a future sculpture. Unfortunately due to coronavirus, I was unable to print this picture using the facilities at university but I wanted to see it through to a final conclusion so I have managed to create a version of the print using oil paints and a wooden spoon method. For me, I don't feel as much connection to my own 2D work, it doesn't have as much movement or life in it.

Blacksmithing competition 20x20x150

During this term, I entered an open call blacksmithing competition run by Hereford College of Arts, for this, I made a sculpture of a forged steel person with a large 'spoonhead'. I wanted to enter this competition to have an opportunity to work to a brief, making something from a particular size of 20x20x150 square bar steel. It was also an opportunity to apply for something outside of university and look at the process of getting your work out there to be viewed on a larger scale. Unfortunately the forge at uni broke 2 weeks before deadline so I had only one day to produce a piece. I made my spoonhead person using someone elses forge outside of university and have written a story to go along with it. The piece itself, is a prototype I suppose, as having made it, I envision there being many of them all outside as an installation, in the woods or on a hillside. I have even considered maybe asking other people to make one each, with the idea maybe that they are all effigies of our egos, for which the spoonheads are a metaphor. Please read the story attached to the people if you would like more info. 

Forging has been a relatively new process this year but one that I have been fascinated by in terms of metallurgy, process and skill. It is truly alchemy in its changing of a solid object into something completely other. Next time I would like to look at making the head even larger and thinner and applying repousse techniques for adding features.

Storytelling within my work

This term, I began to run with the obvious fantastical element of my work, and attempt to get to know my characters, for a better understanding of where they come from within me and also as a way of better making their messages clear within the works. As a result of this, as the characters come to life through process, as does their story begin to reveal itself to me. I have been writing whort stories alongside the works to aide me, I am as yet unsure as to whether I will want my stories to be viewed as part of my work or if they are part of just my process in understanding my work and the characters that I create. I don't know yet if they are necessary as an addition that adds to the intrigue of the works or if they overexplain the works. Lots of the deeper meanings of my work, I have found, are rooted in my own experiences of life and relationships - which has been really interesting for me by way of self therapising and understanding where I come from as a person - however the minutia of my personal life are not particularly relevant to others when viewing my work. In making it less specific to me, it makes it more relatable to others.

Process Sculpturally and 2D

This term, I have decided to take the focus off of making 2D work, and only making work that I am genuinely interested in and proud of making. I haven’t been finding 2D work to be challenging or engaging currently and in this, it doesn't hold my attention or passion. For me there is a lack in impact with flat work, making work in 3D automatically brings it into being as an entity within the world that we can interract with and view from all angles. It's important for me to explore the use of materials to convey a greater depth of meaning within my work. Materials are an extra language to be used to evoke thoughts and feelings within the viewer without having to be overt. Having said this, I am also in love with working with metal, for me it's capabilities are endless, and the more one understands the metallurgy involved in metalwork, the more you are able to achieve. As the term has progressed, I have been researching artists and painters and have found some, such as Beth Carter and Kiki Smith, that have been making 2D work alongside their sculpture that is often heavily stylised and has an element of fantasy and macabre to them, I have continued to look into other artists making work that is flat. that is interesting to me and have found that I am actually quite attracted to developing my own drawing skills to make work with a style that is more interesting than my own, which can be seen within my sketchbook. I am also been motivated to have a go at painting for the first time as it has another element of process and layering material, as in my sculptures so far. I have been really intrigued and inspired particularly by Ruth Spear and Shaun Friend as contemporary artists that I have found through instagram. From this I have spurred off into looking at pre raphaelite artists such as Millais and Waterhouse as these also create very skilled work with an element of myth and storytelling involved. I feel this also adds in to my placing within the realms of contemporary classicism. Storytelling for Earthly Survival

Lisa Wright and Tom Piper - Future Forest

Despite feeling as though this work is slightly clumsy in terms of craftsmanship and not entirely to my taste, I feel as though it is a good example of work that is environmentally and perhaps almost a little politically charged in the direction of persuasion that I myself would subscribe to. It gives art a higher purpose than just being something that is beautiful to look at. It is also interesting to me as I would like to make work with the view of it being shown outdoors and existing therefore in both harmony and juxtaposition to the natural environment. I feel as though taking art out of the gallery and putting it into a place that has more of a soul, gives it more depth and an environment to interract with. It also makes the work more accessible to a larger population who may not so readily engage with showing their work in a gallery. As with my work there is the use of classicalesque poses and figures with a contemporary element, which brings the dialogue of past and present.

Kiki Smith

Kiki Smith makes use of a very stylised way of drawing that is reminiscent of old fashioned fairytale illustration with an almost childlike feel which, coupled with an often macabre subject matter with a heavy fairytale subtext, makes for an unsettling feel in her work. I feel like although her style is quite different from mine, her intent is similar in that it uses story to make comment on the world and the human condition. Often Smith also uses animals in her work similarly to myself. Her sculptures have similarity to my own in that often they use nude figures and animals, however, like her drawings - there is less of a focus on realism and more stylising than in my own. Her work generally focuses around the plight of women and equality, which is quite reminiscent of her time starting out within the art world. This has less relevance for me within my work at my time in history, however I feel there are similarities with the use of fantasy and imagery to allude to more serious, societal observations.

Tim Shaw

For me there is a great deal of confliction in my feelings about Tim Shaw's work as an artist. 'The rights of Dionyssus' is a piece that I love for the sense of movement and energy he has created within the installation, they feel crazed and a little depraved in their festivities, which I feel strikes a perfect amount of discomfort to go along with the awe. In terms of making, I am really inspired by the artistry and skill that has led to the making of this particular piece and I can definitely draw similarities with the anthropomorphic direct metal figures anfd they are very relevant to my love of narrative, legend and fantasy. Having said that, it has been drawn to my attention by some people that these and his bullfighter pieces also, have an element of cultural appropriation around them, this personally I can understand more with the bullfighter as myths from so long ago don't belong to one people necessarily in a europe that has seen so many invasions and decimation of the original civilisation, these myths belong to us all at this point. In many of Shaw's other pieces, however, I find that they are too overt. Often I feel they are too over sexualised, to a point of a reliance on shock factor and also not particularly respectful of women recently in his work strapping a woman covered in tar and feathers to a pole - a problematic decision from the privilege of a white middle aged man.

Beth Carter

Beth Carter's work is interesting to me as she has a real attention to detail and high level of aptitude in relation to her craft. Her work draws a lot of parrallels to mine with the heavy use of anthropomorphisation. She also regularly uses mythology, such as her minotour pieces. Her birdman is also reminiscent of a plague doctors mask. In her drawings she focuses on children and a juxtapose between innocence and a sense of uneasiness/ slightly macabre undertones. Evident from the drawing of the girl with the lion cub, she uses found imagery often as inspiration, this particular girl is one I recognise from a Sally Man photograph. I feel as though her work is also very related to fragility, awkwardness, sadness, apathy and the human condition. I feel as though her drawings particularly bring a fantasy element, her proportions and composition can occasionally be intentionally childish too, helping further to transport the viewer into a feeling of childhood and ones own experiences.

Phillip Wakeham

I became acquainted with the work of this artist in a gallery in St Ives and it stood out to me from the rest for the amount of movement and texture in the pieces, this coupled with a use of mythology and slight abjectivity makes for work that is considered and relevant in contemporary art, whilst also reminiscent of more classical sculpture.  

Jovana Tucovic

I was drawn to Jovana Tucovic largely for her use of materials with this series, I can draw a lot of parallels with regards to the texture and patina of the the steel and the patchwork like make up of her figures. I think she has also created an eery and uncomfortable deathmask type effect with her melancholic faces. The fractured, delicate feel of these pieces, despite the fact that they are made of a very hard material with a dark finish is a beautiful juxtaposition, as though they are just managing to keep their hard exteriors together. In terms, as well, of her work being figurative and quite clearly having links to vulnerability, I feel as though there are reasonable links between these pieces and my own work. Much of her other work also explores the use of materials, properties and textures to help allude to her meaning with subtlety and finesse. Similarly to myself, she makes work reminiscent of classical sculpture, in her use of poses and choosing to make busts and brings to that a contemporary element.

Grayson Perry

What I really love about Grayson Perry's work is the narrative, his work is so rich with story and life and comment on very everyday experience and society. Its intelligent, progressive and actually makes use of an incredibly old method of storyboarding. These are very reminiscent of old roman vases telling the tales of the gods. quite similarly to my own work, Perry makes use of classical craftsmanship and art practices to make work that has real contemporary relevance. He also creates a show with his work, everything has a rich sense of life and colour, including the way he often dresses himself. Conceptually, Grayson uses his work to make comment on societal issues in a lighthearted and more easy to digest way, which is something I am really intrigued by and hope I am finding a way slowly to emulate within my own work. I can find that work being too preachy, serious or loaded is often disregarded in a way that any sour medicine shoved down ones throat by an holier than thou do gooder almost inevitably is. Grayson's work sugarcoats the pill enough to make the message linger.

Emma Talboys

This artist is my own mother, so in a way there will no doubt be many ways in which she has influenced me as a person and thus my work generally. She works almost entirely in panting or print, using vibrant colour. Something, I have until now tried to avoid personally, potentially in an attempt to distance myself from my mother. Emma Talboys' work is by and large quite impressionist, but also has a high level of skill and mastery of the paint, she really focuses in on the pieces within the work that she feels she wants the attention to be drawn most to. Quite similarly to my own work there is a use of quite macabre undertones and heavy symbolism. Also quite similarly to my own work, she uses her artwork as a self therapising activity to help her work through her own trauma.

Sally Mann

I have chosen to include this artist as her photos play with vulnerability, relationships, discomfort, awkwardness and many more disquietening feelings around childhood and the human condition. Although contentious in many ways as the photos have been called exploitative of her children, there has also been enmity regarding the fact that the photos are staged and quite disingenuous and potentially therefore commodifying and glamourising of a lifestyle or themes that do not relate to her directly as a wealthy, white, western woman. Despite this, the photos are evocative and beautifully disquietening. They speak of elements of my own childhood and provoke memories for me from a very shaping part of my life. Sally Mann is also included as I have definitely used her photos as part of my own found imagery for reference during recent projects.

Lobster Claw boy

The Lobster Claw boy that I have created was again an idea that just came to me and has taken me until quite far into the process of making him to get to know him enough to understand his story. I felt as though I was constantly forcing a narrative on him and I didn't quite understand where he had come from for a long time. I thought maybe he was about the young hearted, whimsical, strong characters that I was attracted to, but I don't feel this is the case. As I have slowly pieced this boy together bit by bit, I have begun to realise that his armour like body is about defense and the patches like bandages show an idea of a wounded person who is putting up a defense mechanism. The steel in the body has been forged at high temperature giving scale and texture making him look worn and weathered but his skin also looks fragile and flesh-like, making it quite confusing to see softness in such a hard material, mirroring again the idea of vulnerability and strength.He originally was supposed to have a a head made from the same process but this hasn’t been possible due to the lack of facilities following coronavirus. The lobster claws which were originally supposed to be made from stained glass (but COVID_19 made this impossible) again represent this idea of strength, they were supposed to be made of glass, which is very delicate, reminiscent of fragile masculinity but also fragile defense mechanisms. The fact that lobsters mate for life is also poignant as one of the reference photos I used for this piece was of a young boy holding hands on the beach with other children, the idea that ones big shows of strength or heavy defenses, actually often make us totally unable to form intimacy or connection with others. I decided to make the feet out of clay for the below text. I feel as though these add another layer to my piece, the idea that from the outside one might seem perfect or revered for their strengths in whatever element, but there is a fundamental hidden flaw that causes a refered person to fall from their pedestal. I have made the feet but again due to COVID-19, I haven't been able to get them fired. The origins of the phrase "feet of clay" are biblical, but the words can also evoke the mythology of the Titan Prometheus, who sculpted humans out of clay. This photograph by the American Bruce Nauman (born 1941) is taken from the series Eleven ColorPhotographs—including the better-known Self Portraitas a Fountain––which explores the relationship between image and language, taking cues from popular puns and turns of phrase. To have "feet of clay" is to have a hidden flaw or character defect unbeknownst to those who admire you.

Magpie Girl sculpture

This character from very early on has been quite clearly a representation of my own flighty and discontented nature. It represents my desire to constantly be elsewhere, doing something else and my magnetism towards the next shiny thing. In the story associated with it, it also explains where I believe this came from, and my pain at the disillusionment, that the world was not as I had always been told it was. It also represents the idea of building my own wings to take me away to the life that I want to have, I feel as though I have been striving for years to forge myself an unconventional path to bring me fulfillment and happiness away from mundanity of what is expected of one in modern, capitalist society. This sculpture has been made of scrap copper and I have left on as much of the natural patina as possible as the aged tarnished look, I feel is not only beautiful but also representational or the tired and tarnished feeling of drudging through a world, in a way of life that you don't want to be a part of. I have decided to make it articulating, like a puppet or a doll and stitch it together to show the idea that she has been made to be manipulated. The sculpture was supposed to have a magpie costume made of separate materials, mostly leather and fabric, this difference in material is to compound the idea that these wings do not naturally belong to the girl and have been forged by her. the stitching on her body is also a metaphor for her being a little broken and her life being stitched together, it could also represent the idea that I have often felt as though I was a little stitched up to find out that adult life was really not at all as I had been led to believe.

Unfortunately this piece is not finished to the level I wanted as coronavirus meant I had not workshop access anymore, so I will hope to continue it to completion when I have facilities again

. This piece is actually made using very old traditional repousse techniques, which add a classicalesque feel and a very unique appearance to the sculpture within the context of modern art.

Magpie girl painting

This is my first attempt at oil painting. I decided to have a go as an experiment and given that I am currently unable to make my sculptural work due to COVID-19. I have found painting to be very difficult and there is a lot of new skills to learn. I have found that I am not entirely happy with the working product, the process is not to my taste, it is not personal enough and it lacks a tangibility which I find more and more to be integral in my work. The concept is based around the magpie girl story and character that has emerged. In this variation, she used the wings that she made to jump out over the water to be free so the painting sees her floating in the water in her costume.. 

Working with metal

  Metal must be understood on a structural level in order to make it move as you want it to, it also has a bit of a mind of it's own and thus there is a dialogue with the material, there has to be an element of allowing the material to come to life and to have it's own say in the direction of it's future form, which is something that I love. I also work with scrap metal largely, this is particularly important to me, as I don't feel comfortable with using finite materials or adding to the tat that is amassing in the world. I would much more happily give something already in existence, a new lease of life.

Things to explore moving forward

Can I bring an element of participation or putting on a show in order to try and bridge or work through the awkwardness/discomfort/ difficulty in finding and or engaging in human connection? Do I want my stories to be part of my process to help understand my work, or do I feel as though they would be of benefit to the viewer? Does this maybe overcrowd or overexplain my work, or does it add to intrigue?

COVID - 19

The shut down of university facilities has massively affected my ability to get much of my work finished to the level that I had previously envisioned. To begin with this really disheartened me as I have been incredibly tied to my vision for my work. My friend sent me a photo of a mixed media sculpture by Susanne Ussing of a woman in a greenhouse, this was largely made in chicken wire and paper mache with wood and sheet steel components, this has helped me to look into other avenues for finishing the work. Alongside a conversation with Lucy Willow about the fact that artists will always make art no matter what their facilities are, this has helped me to open up to other possibilities for making work. With the beginning of the coronavirus lockdown, I felt quite detached from my artwork and as though I was quite unable to see the point of making, I felt that growing a garden and building a chicken coop became my new priorities and that art was no longer so important. I also feel as though anything I'm interested in making work about now has slightly shifted and as though it's a bit of a shame this has come midway through the project as it kind of takes away from the cohesion of the body of work a little. I have started to make a few drawings, as I am unable to make much else currently, about the connection of people to the land. These maybe highlight a definite shift in perspective for me that has become evident even more so during this time, that we need to focus more heavily on bridging the gap of disconnection. Disconnection from each other individually, as cultural groups and disconnection from the planet. I have been particularly lucky during this trying time as I live in a community, so our lives have very much become about supporting each other, building better communal veg plots and becoming more self sufficient. Whilst mourning the loss of my summer plans, I have also become astutely aware of a sense of humbling and finding contentment in simpler things.

[spirit-of-the-void]

Ebony and Ivory (V x Reader Fanfic) Chapter 19

Author’s notes: I’m back again, sluts, with a more Dante-filled chapter. Dont worry, V will be back soon

Chapter 19

(Your POV)

Chasing after Dante was, shockingly, easier than expected.

He left a convenient trail of dead demons in his wake on top of motorcycle track marks. You were moving at high speeds now, your tendrils carrying you in a blur around broken buildings and roots. You remembered now, just how fast you truly were. The power of the Void was precise and calculated, it was like having several sets of arms and hands to stabilize you and launch your body towards your destinations.

Things were definitely more chaotic here, walls of flesh and tunnels of debris weaving between the tree’s roots. Where the hell was Dante headed? He wasn’t going directly toward the tree, but more off to the side. You wracked your brain, trying to imagine what was on this half of the craters but unsure of what he was going for.

The only thing you could imagine that way was the very same house V had pointed out to you, his childhood home. But why would Dante be going there? It didn’t really make any sense. The landscape was so trash, and you literally knew nothing about Dante to even try and discern his motives.

Still, you gave chase, keeping your eyes peeled for Griffon along the way. You had no idea how far along the bird was, but you would feel better if you at least had him near you. This area was definitely not the safest to be traveling in, not that there was a single demon to be had. Lucky for you, because you didn’t want to waste any unnecessary time. 

Other things were still rattling in your skull.

Your mind was still racing, heart hurting as you thought of V back with Trish. You had said something so deeply personally to him, then bounced before having to face his reaction. It was...both exhilarating and terrifying. You most certainly didn’t regret saying it to him...it needed to be said at some point. Nor did you blame him for not saying it back, especially since you never gave him the chance to. You were more easily attached than he, more prone to deep emotion. Mind you...V’s feelings toward you were never doubted, but he deserved time to think about it without you there clouding his thought. But his well-being never left your mind, worry clawing at you deep in your skin with each passing minute.

You prayed he would be alright. You wouldn’t be gone from him too long, that you were certain of.

It was unfortunate that you were already traveling alone for an hour, practically bouncing your way over each hurdle and area as fast as you could. Through a cavern under a statue, through areas Dante had already opened. This was getting ridiculous. Why was every path painstakingly extra? All of this foolery wasn't need at the bottom of a god damn tree, that was for sure. But it made sense that things would be far more fucked up at the Qliphoth base where it had been the longest, festering like a disease. You just didn’t have to like it, that was all.

More traveling, more panic, more worrying. But you were getting closer, you were sure. Especially so when you saw Griffon’s familiar blue feathers in the air ahead of you.

Thank god. Traveling by yourself was going to make you go absolutely insane.

“Griffon...!” You yelled, making the bird halt a bit and whip his head around to look at you. He looked shocked, his beak popping open when you extended your tendrils, gently wrapping them around him and pulling him to your chest as you leap into the air. You were faster than he was anyway.

“Toots?!” He squawked, tucked against you kind of how a child would be, “What the hell are you doing here?! Why aren’t you with Shakespeare?!”

Just the mention of it made you wince, flinching a bit as you recalled the poet left alone, his assistance cut in half now that you and Griffon were gone.

“He told me to go after Dante...!” You said in a clearly worried tone, unhappiness in your expression as you maneuvered him and yourself around more broken building pieces, “And he wouldn’t take no for an answer!”

Griffon let out an annoyed huff at that, his feathers puffing out against your chest, “What a fucking dumbass. He shouldn’t be alone right now.”

He was most certainly preaching to the choir.

“I tried to tell him...he wouldn’t listen to me,” You mumbled, pressing your chin to the top of Griffon’s head as you finally entered open air. Thank god, no more tunnels, “I didn’t want to go in the first place, I’m worried about him.”

Griffon went a bit quiet at that, which was unusual for him. You tried to steady your eyes forward, keeping track of the small amounts of energy you were exerting. Not much, nothing that impacted your ability to heal. Moving with the tendrils required practically nothing, something your body stayed accustomed to. Like riding a bike.

Though traveling without V felt...bad, lonely despite the fact that Griffon was with you. As much as you loved and adored the bird, there was a Void he couldn’t fill, so to speak. One shaped like a tall, lanky poet in sandals. You knew it sounded silly; you had been away for just an hour. But it was less of missing him and more than painful, overwhelming fear that something bad would happen to him. Your protective streak would never leave, and it was practically clinging to your back now.

You traveled a couple moments in silence still, Griffon's lack of speech only a small worry in the back of your mind.

When he spoke, it seemed heavily reluctant.

“Ahh, fuck,” He muttered, beak tilted down and talons flexing a bit as he struggled with his words, “I think I need to apologize to you, and I’m really shitty at apologies.”

You blinked in surprise at that, wrapping an arm around him to brace him as you skidding over the ground, narrowly missing some shattered trees and debris. The terrain was hard to get through here.

“For what?” You asked quietly, landing on your feet and settling on a brisk jog as you made your way up a hill.

He paused again, making confusion prickle at the back of your mind as he took another moment to gather his words.

“F...for not warning you about Shakespeare,” He mumbled, unable to meet your eyes as his feathers puffed out a bit more. Like he wanted to hide, “You didn’t deserve to find out that way, like that and shit. I knew he was going to start falling apart but I half hoped his dumb ass would make it up the tree before that.”

That made your feet falter, heart thudding painfully once it clicked what Griffon was apologizing about. You had forgotten the look Griffon had worn those few times you had spoken, that knowing expression. You realized pretty quick that he knew, so that wasn’t a shock. But...his guilt was. He sounded unhappy with himself, unhappy with his choice of omission to you. What were you supposed to say? Part of you felt like you should be upset, but...there was too much at stake, too much to worry about other than that.

“It’s...okay.” You replied hesitantly, unable to formulate your own feelings.

“The fuck it is...!” Griffon squawked angrily, whipping around to snap his beak by your ear, “You need to start standing up for yourself, girlie...! I knew how you felt but I still didn’t say shit! You should be mad about that, damn it!”

He...had a point in there, somewhere. But you had the feeling he wanted you to be mad just to help ease his guilt

“I...I know...” You mumbled, leaning your head back to avoid his angry snapping, “But you’re my friend...and I don’t like being upset with you about something that doesn’t matter, not now.”

Griffon let out a pained groan at that, leaning his head back dramatically and exposing the lighter colored feathers on his throat.

“Fuck, now I feel worse,” He hissed, sounding half way exasperated and half was frustrated, “I tell you I withheld shit from you and you say we’re friends and wanna smooch and make up...!”

That kind of made you smile, just seeing his over-dramatic display of suffering. You could tell Griffon was trying, in his own asshole-ish way. You doubted the bird had to ever apologize for anything before in his life, nor did you think he ever wanted to. It made you feel a bit better about everything, as if it somehow confirmed Griffon actually did care.

So you leaned forward, giving him a small kiss on his head and making him scrunch up a bit. Huffy as always, but you didn’t care.

“There,” You replied, starting forward again and setting his grumbling form on your shoulders, “I kissed, we made up. Deal?”

He let out another annoyed sound, but he looked secretly pleased. He was a lot easier to read than V was, that was for sure.

“Still,” He muttered, tone sounding hesitant and quiet as he continued hurriedly, “You should know toots, about Shakespeare—”

But you weren’t paying attention.

You spotted Dante’s form as soon as you crested the hill. With that silvery-white hair he was easy to see, along with his red jacket and giant god damn sword. He didn’t seem to notice you or the bird, strolling leisurely toward...the house. The one V had shown you before, his childhood home. You had been correct in your assumptions, this was indeed Dante’s destination, but...why? There of all places, a crumbling mansion now that you were seeing it up close. A portrait was hanging in the crumbling foyer still, dirtied and sullied by time.  

You could barely make out the face of a woman, who you assumed to be V’s mother. Maybe? There looked to be a man in the photo, sitting with the family but his face was blackened by a past fire. With the woman was...two children? At least what you could make out—the portrait seemed so old, especially for a day and age of photography and technology. Maybe their mother had it done custom? Or maybe the portrait wasn’t of them at all, maybe it was some random painting the family kept hanging in their foyer because it looked nice. But that didn’t feel right either, especially since both boys had white hair.  

Two boys with white hair. Did V have a brother? He never admitted it, never mentioned it. But you looked at Dante, eyeing his own white locks as about a thousand questions traveled through you. Were...Dante and V related? Hell, Nero had white hair too. And that seemed like a pretty unique genetic trait. The more you thought about it, the less it made sense. V was super young still, like around the same age as Nero, whereas Dante looked to be in his forties at most. The boys in the portrait seemed to be twins, at least they looked pretty similar in age.

Ancestors maybe? This was a mess.  

Regardless, you had something to do here.

“Dante...!” You yelled, cutting off whatever Griffon was going to say as you started running closer, “Wait...!”

The Devil hunter paused at the sound of your voice, turning slightly so side eye you and the bird as you caught up to him. He looked bemused, albeit exasperated to see you. Despite all the demons he obviously had to fight to get here, he was free of scratches or wounds of any kind. Either he was a great fighter, or he had some seriously great healing skill. Or both.  

“You just don’t give up the chase, do you?” He commented, turning and crossing his arms over his chest.

He definitely didn't seem happy that you and V were prone to not listening to him, that was for sure. It was hard for you to care in that moment, especially after following his trail for so long.

You mimicked the pose, letting out a heavy sigh as you replied, “No I don’t, not after chasing you for this damn long.”  

It was about to hit the two-hour mark, and you weren’t happy about it in the slightest bit. Giving chase definitely wasn’t your favorite thing, and it was beginning to rain again to top it all off. You were willing to drag Dante back kicking and screaming if you had to. But...your Foresight did not like that. At all.

The moment the thought entered your head, it sent a warning jolt through your body, making you grunt a bit and touch your abdomen. What the hell, you weren’t supposed to stop Dante from leaving? Then why had your Foresight not told you that before you came all the way here? It made no sense. It made no sense. You couldn’t remember a mission where the power had been this indecisive, this inconsistent.

It was starting to piss you off.

Dante’s voice jarred you from the cascading anger at your own body, the man seeming oblivious to your internal conflict.

“Why are you following me anyway?” He asked, shaking some of the water droplets from his hair and turning his gaze away. He sounded overly nonchalant, tone ever lazy and bemused, “You seemed pretty friendly with that poet back there, so why come after me?”

You let out a low sigh, feeling incredibly strung out as you replied, “Because V asked me to. You shouldn’t be going up the tree alone anyway, not with how dangerous it is.”

You were trying really hard to figure out Dante, what kind of person he was. What made him tick. He seemingly showed no reaction to your words, other than tilting his head back to look at you again. His eyes confused you—they were wise somehow, on a face that seemed anything but. You felt like the Devil hunter was searching your face, sizing you up with a single glance. It made you a bit uncomfortable, that sensation of your secrets hiding on your spine returning once more.

“Someone has to stop the kid from killing himself,” He replied simply, turning to walk forward into the derelict mansion again, “Dontcha think?”

You reached out a hand, grabbing his arm to halt him as you protested, “Yeah but these things would be easier if we all stayed together...!” You were willing to bet Dante was the reason the group split up so damn much, it was driving you up a wall. Why was it so hard for everyone to just work together to reach a common goal?

Your Foresight didn’t like you touching Dante, not one bit. Or maybe it didn’t like you stopping him? Either way, it made a jolt of pain shoot up your abdomen to your chest, making you wince. Dante seemed to not notice, either that or he didn’t show any sign of it. Instead, he sighed, looking somewhat annoyed now as he looked at you. Impertinence was there behind that smirk, his brow slightly furrowed.

“And just what do you gain out of this, Miss Priestess?” He asked, raising a brow in your direction. The name made you jolt, remembering that Dante was not as oblivious as he seemed.

He knew what you were, and that was another concern you had.

“What do you mean?” You asked warily, frowning at the overly chipper tone he used. It definitely sounded close to taunting, at least to your ears.

Dante put his hands on his hips, rain water dripping over those white locks and causing them to stick to his rugged face.  

“I know your kind,” He said simply, shrugging his shoulders and eyeing you with a bit of a smirk in his expression. That tone was condescending, taunting as he let out a light laugh, “What does the boss upstairs want out of this world? To lay a claim if everything falls apart? To snatch the fruit that tree is gonna grow?”

The boss upstairs...he must have meant the Deity. Who was less “upstairs” and more in between everything. Still, what he was saying struck a chord of annoyance with you, especially since it sounded pretty damn accusatory.

You blinked in confusion, holding up your hands as you replied indignantly, “I  don't know what you're implying, but my Deity doesn’t want anything...!”

Dante scoffed lightly at that, inclining his head as he replied, “Every ‘Deity’ wants somethin’.”

He wasn’t wrong, but he wasn’t right either. And worse, he was bringing all your doubting back, all the horrible thoughts that refused to leave you. Anxiety was bubbling up again, threatening to choke you like bile rising in your throat. Already volatile, you felt like a bomb getting ready to tick off. You definitly had your doubts about your Deity, questions that were going unanswered and no sign of your master at all to guide you. It was already maddening and breaking you down, so Dante’s implications were both unneeded and unwanted.

Griffon had been with you long enough to sense your moods, eyes darting between you and Dante as he said in a warning tone, “Dante, you’d better lay off.”

Dante turned, pointing a single, warning finger at Griffon’s avian features as he replied, "Flock off, feather face.”

You fought another sigh. Things were only getting more out of hand, but it was under your skin now. An itch you couldn’t ignore.

“You don’t know a damn thing about what my Deity wants," You told him, feeling even more unhappy that you had come to find him. What the hell was even the point, wasting time like this? "I have better things to do than sitting here arguing with you...!”

V was still alone, and he was crumbling. Your Foresight was telling you not to stop Dante, or else. So why bother staying here letting him shit talk things he didn’t understand? You half turned your body again, ready to summon your tendrils outward to bounce away. If Dante wanted to do things on his own and get himself killed, he could be stubborn all he wanted. You would focus on the people that mattered. Like V, Nero, Lady, Nico.  

But the devil hunter wasn’t done.

He let out a low hum, his tone almost pleasant and conversational as he added, “So tell me. What do you serve to gain by using Mister Poet back there?”

Your blood ran cold. Very very cold.

“...Excuse me?” You whispered, blinking in shock and not understanding exactly what he was implying as you turned back to look at his face.

He shrugged his shoulders again, crossing his arms as his blue eyes locked with yours.

“You heard me,” He replied, his expression taking on a more serious look as he continued, “You seem chummy with V, but I know your type. You’d do the same for anyone if it meant getting what your big bad God wants.”

Your mouth popped open in shock.

Indignation, anger, and pain all ripped through you. It became pretty god damn clear what he was implying, and it stung like nothing else. He thought you were using V, pretending to care about him just to succeed in your mission. You were determined to get close to people at first, but romance was never something you would fake for results. Hell, you didn’t fake liking anyone if it wasn’t genuine. To have him look you in the face and accuse you of such a thing made your blood boil and eyes burn.

You could not cry, not now.

“You don’t know a damn thing about me...!” You replied, tone low and promising violence as you balled up your fists, “I’m not using V for anything...!”

“’Ya see, that’s where I don’t believe you,” Dante clicked his tongue, turning away from you and starting for the house again, “You priestess types are all the same. Though screwing a dying man to get what you want is pretty harsh, all things considered. Gotta give him something in return for using him, right?”

You had enough.

Your tendrils whipped out in the next instant, grabbing every part of Dante you could reach and slamming him to the ground. You were shocked, he put up no resistance at all in the face of your rage. He didn’t even look surprised when you whipped him around, your own face filled with so many emotions you weren’t sure what to focus on. Anger, pain, fear, more anger.

Your day had been an avalanche of misery after a night of some of the only happiness you had tasted in such a long time. The man you cared about was dying, and you sure didn’t fucking appreciate Dante’s harsh words when things were so dire. How he even knew about you having sex with V, you didn’t know. Maybe he guessed. But his guesses were unwanted.

Your hand cracked against his face in a fluid motion, making him let out a grunt but he was still smirking lightly. It all happened so fast. Grabbing him, flipping him, hitting him. It felt less than a second. But you didn’t care.

How dare he. How dare he imply that you would give yourself to V for the sake of doing what your Deity wanted? You weren’t a whore to sell yourself to people at a God’s bidding. V was everything, and he mattered to you more than the mission itself. Hell, you didn’t know there was something wrong with him at the time, something that would mean his death. And knowing so now was agonizing, breaking you down and leaving you in a state of non-stop dread. V made you happy, and things that made you happy always ended up snatched away.

Your eyes turned black with your rage, hair raising slightly and tendrils twitching sporadically. Your Foresight was screaming at you, telling you to stop and let him go. Agonizing, making your limbs weak and tendrils uncontrollable. That tipped you off pretty fast that Dante wasn’t fighting back on purpose--he could easily escape in the state you were in right at that moment. You were fighting your own body, your own rage just to be able to make a point to the Devil Hunter.

You hated how emotional you were, but that was only par for the course as you gripped Dante’s coat and yanked him up.

“Don’t you presume to know a damn thing about me...!” You hissed, eyes burning with tears that slid down your cheeks against your will. God damn it. God damn it, “You don’t know anything about what I feel about him, or how much he means to me...!”

Dante stayed quiet, staring at you with a neutral expression as your aching hands began to shake.  

Griffon was squawking in alarm, his talons gripping your shoulders and trying to haul you back as he screeched, “Not a good idea, toots...! Back off, he isn’t worth it...!”

You didn’t care. And you wouldn’t be swayed.

“If I had my way I wouldn’t even be here talking to you...!” Your voice was growing hoarse now with your tears, panting breaths leaving you as the pain continued, “He has no one else but me in this fucking hell, no one else who cares! Yet I came after you because he asked me to and you...you...”

To disregard what you felt so heavily, what tore you up inside. Brush it off like it was dust settling on his shoulders. It stung far too much.

How were you expected to change anything when it felt like everything wanted to stop you?

“I love him.” You whispered, head slumping on your shoulders as you finally released Dante, sitting back on your legs as the pain finally subsided. You couldn’t see his expression, couldn’t see anything but rain dripping from your locks. But it didn’t matter, you didn’t feel like you were talking to him now anyway. He was of little consequence, all things considered.

“I love him and he’s dying. And that’s not fair.”

Nothing ever is. That’s why you sold your soul, isn’t it?

Dante was quiet for a couple more seconds, letting out a hefty sigh as he sat up. Your tendrils dropped away from him, returning back to your body as the Void power simmered to a dull roar. You didn’t know what to say now, what to feel after such an outburst. You weren’t used to losing your cool and lashing out like that.

Perhaps you were learning a lot of new things about yourself with everything that was going on. That feeling came back, the feeling of wanting to go home but having no home to go to. V felt like home to you, and losing him would break you more than you realized. What were you supposed to do? You could barely handle things now, when he wasn’t even gone. Holding onto hope was hard, but you were trying.

Much to your shock, you felt Dante place a hand on your hair, giving you a comforting pat on the head. You blinked, breath catching at the action. It felt like something a dad should do, something you certainly didn’t expect from the demon hunter.

“I’ve learned all I needed to know,” He said simply, rising to his feet and extending a hand to you, “Sorry about how harsh I was, but sometimes that’s the best way to learn someone’s true intentions.”

You blinked more, looking at his hand then up at him. He was smiling again, but there was a concerned look in his eyes once they met yours. You were so confused, and it definitely showed on your face.

“You...were trying to get a reaction from me?” You whispered, tone still raw and eyes going back to normal now that your power was settling, “But...why?”

Dante let out a light sigh, scratching the back of his head with his free hand.

“Some servants of higher ups can be skeevy,” He huffed, rubbing his cheek you had struck and wearing a bit of a bemused smile, “Hard to disbelieve you when you react like that. You’ve got a mean right hook on you, kid.”

So...all that was a test to see if you felt how you truly said you did? You hesitantly took his free hand, wiping your eyes with your other. You were settling down now, but you still weren’t happy with how Dante went about doing it. But...he was right to mistrust the servants of gods—you had met a few less than savory ones yourself. They tended not to like people like you, who obeyed the beings that existed in between spaces. Trickery and deceit was at its finest when it came to working alongside priests and priestesses from other pantheons, especially ones specifically aligned with the notorious “good” and “evil” gods. Such alignments were bullshit, both sides would throw you under the bus to reach their goal.

You weren’t like that.

“Sorry...” You muttered to Dante, releasing his hand once he helped you up, “But...I haven’t had the best day today, and you really didn’t help.” You weren’t having the best existence, to be honest.  

“People show their true colors when pressed to a wall,” Dante rolled his shoulders a bit, testing his muscles after you had flung him around. You knew damn well he held back on purpose. Had he actually retaliated against you when you attacked...He would have wiped the floor with you, “Consider us even now. No hard feelings.”

You nodded, but you weren’t sure how else to reply. Griffon landed on your shoulders again, letting out a relieved sigh as he looked between you and the demon hunter. You were willing to bet that little situation had certainly ruffled his feathers, that was for sure.

Dante seemed a tad bit amused by how the bird acted around you, but that amusement faded when he let out another hefty sigh.

“This isn’t your fight, kid,” Dante told you, face turning a bit serious before he went to turn away, “Go back to the poet and make sure he's alright. Shit still has time to work out—I've been surprised before.”

You blinked at that, taking a few steps after him as he entered the house. It was crumbling apart, decaying around the edges where it looked like fire struck. What the hell had happened that day, when V was a child? You could see just hints of a happy life here, beneath the soot and decay. It made you ache, seeing something so lived in now an empty husk resting on the edge of the world. Dante didn’t seem oblivious to it, staring around at the mansion's remains with something akin to wistfulness. Like he was remembering something. But...why? Especially when V had said this was his childhood home?

There were so many things you didn’t know.

“Dante...?” You said hesitantly, hanging back as he turned and gazed at the former home, “What are you going to do?”

He didn’t answer your question, turning back and looking at the portrait you saw earlier.

“A demonic power was activated in me once,” He said, pulling out what looked to be a broken sword from behind his coat. It seemed to be demonic in origin too, the blade snapped off and leaving only jagged edges behind, “When Vergil lovingly jammed this through my chest.”

...Vergil?

Who was Vergil?

You blinked in confusion, looking at Griffon with a questioning stare. That name felt...strange. It elicited a strange twinge up your spine. Familiar, but also not. Had someone mentioned the name before this? You...couldn’t remember. You had hoped Griffon would bring some clarity. But the bird was staring at Dante, water dripping from his sapphire feathers.

“I always wondered...why did my father give me the Rebellion?” Dante muttered, his voice barely audible to you as he palmed the sword in hand.

Was it named the Rebellion...? People in this word seemed big on naming swords, and it was confusing for you to keep up with. And better yet, who was Dante’s father? It seemed heavily relevant, at least to him in his own little world.

Griffon let out a confused sound too, hopping off your shoulders so he could fly over to Dante and circle him, “Okay, what are you muttering?” He asked, eyeing the demon hunter warily. He kept further than an arms length, making sure he wasn’t grabbed again.

Dante let out a light, breathy chuckle, sounding pretty rueful as he looked at Griffon. Completely ignoring his question, mind you.

“Over the years I’ve been stabbed and jabbed by a number of things,” He commented, lifting the hilt of the broken blade and staring at it with a faraway look, “But who would have guessed...”

You were completely unprepared when he flipped it around, stabbing the remainder of the blade hard into his abdomen.

Shock and panic filled you, eyes wide as the Demon hunter stumbled back, letting out a pained grunt as some of his own blood pattered onto the wet floor. What in the world was he doing?! You couldn’t even open your mouth to ask, absolutely stunned into silence as Dante panted, obviously in pain from stabbing himself. Just when you thought you had the demon hunter figured out, he completely scrambled your opinions of him all over again. Dante was an enigma, one you were afraid had just mortally fucking wounded himself when you all needed him the most. What the hell was going on?

Things were getting way too insane.

Griffon was, luckily, more composed than you. He echoed exactly what you were thinking...with his own flare.

“Have you lost your mind?!” He shrieked, flapping wildly as he hovered around the bent-over demon hunter, “There’s a demon to destroy...! Kill yourself later—I'll help...!”

Your mouth opened as well, letting out a shocked whisper of, “Dante...!”

But something was happening.

Dante was panting, teeth grinding in agony as he lifted his head. His hands were still clutching the sword, impaled into his body like it was nothing.

“If the Yamato can separate man from devil,” He gritted out, seeming oblivious to both of you, “Then what about the Rebellion?”

He twisted the blade harder into his flesh, letting out an agonized grunt as the sword began to glow. Brighter and brighter like fire, disintegrating into his body. Absorbed into it. That fire spread out in spider-webbing energy trails over him, all the way to his back where the Devil Sword Sparda rested. You stared in shock and awe, taking a few steps back while Dante stood, panting as his energy grew and grew, until the air was crackling with it.

What the hell was happening? The Devil sword began to disintegrate too, sucked into Dante’s glowing form until it was gone completely. Your Void sense rolled and toiled in warning, signaling you to get the fuck out of the way before something bad happened.  

Signaling to you that Dante was doing something downright fucking amazing. Dangerously amazing.

But Griffon wasn’t aware, staring at Dante with the same shock and awe you felt.

“Wow...” He said in a low tone, flapping his wings to keep him hovering in air as he rasped, “You are...absorbing the Sparda...!”

You felt the energy cultivate around Dante’s form, telling you plain and clear it was time to move. Your tendrils shot out, grabbing Griffon and yanking him to your chest just as you dipped behind a wall to shield you both.  Energy crackled out in the next instant, sending out a shock wave that rumbled through the Earth and the structure still standing against the rain. The Void power spiked, hating the sensation of an opposing energy type as it practically wrapped around the entire area. You panted lightly, rain dripping down your face and hair as you held a startled bird against you, both of you peeking out to see what happened.

Boy, were you absolutely stunned.

In the place of Dante was what could only equate to a demon. Sharp claws, fire licking parts of his glowing body with spikes and horns. It looked like he was armored, any trace of the familiar demon-hunters face now gone. You blinked, staring in shock as he turned slightly to look at you, his face completely different. Sharp teeth, flaming eyes...it was terrifying and incredible, you weren’t sure what to think, what to say, what to do. Dante was a half demon, that had already been explained to you. But no one had mentioned Dante being able to take on a demonic form, not unless this was new and unique to him stabbing himself and absorbing the Devil Sword Sparda?

At least you knew not to touch Dante in this form. Your Void power was pretty firm on that, and the power of Sparda certainly didn’t like you either.

Regardless, you stared at Dante’s panting, growling for. Unable to move an inch as he turned away. He bent his knees, leathery wings stretching out in a telltale sign of him getting ready to fly. You ducked back behind the debris to avoid the shock wave from that, wood and rocks flying out when he shot off from the ground, into the sky. You gasped, stepping out with water dripping into your eyes as you stared at him spiraling up toward the top of the Qliphoth. Holy shit. There was no way you could follow that, not now after running all the way here.

But Griffon could.

You released the bird, feeling him push off against you and shoot into the sky after Dante. Slower, panting in annoyance as he did so.

“Go back to Shakespeare!” He yelled down to you, not stopping as he arced into the sky. Pretty gracefully, in your opinion, “You get his sorry ass to the tree! We’ll meet you there...!”  

You nodded once, activating your tendrils again as you yelled back at him, “Be safe, Griffon...!”

He didn’t respond, but then again you weren’t sticking around to hear it anyway.  

You had a bad feeling that shit was about to go down, energy bursting out of you as your tendrils whipped out again, bringing you in the direction of V. You activated your senses, eyes turning black to search out the whale oil you knew he had. Everything was swirling in your head now, the day’s events certainly startling and a lot to handle. But you kept moving, able to tell where V was right away and making haste to get there. He wasn’t where you left him, probably moving forward with Trish once she woke up. You hoped the poor woman could find clothes; nothing would suck more than walking around in just a blanket.

You also prayed she would be able to help V in your absence. It would take less time to get to them than it did Dante, so there was that at least. They were headed for the base of the tree, and those paths intersected at some point.  

You gritted your teeth, feeling the energy inside toil harder and faster now that you were free from having to chase Dante. You felt like you were exceeding your limits more, still growing now that things were so dire. Ready for anything, at least. You wanted to return to V, wanted to make sure he was safe and not crumbling again. Griffon was a smart bird, but you worried for him too, heading up the Qliphoth to chase after Dante. What were you supposed to feel in that moment? You didn’t want to go numb to it all, but you felt like you had no choice.

There was so much going on. So much to do. So much at stake. But still, you pressed onward, heart-pounding as you sought to be reunited with your poet once more.

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18136193/chapters/43974313

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Tagged: @nightshadow4713 @slightlylunatic @silentwhispofhope @just-call-me-no-name @efiicitia @raveninthevoid

[artificialqueens]

(I Can Still Recall) Our Last Summer - Chapter One (Group Fic) - pureCAMP

A/N - this is a re-upload bc it apparently disappeared! I hope everyone enjoys it this time lol, let’s pray it doesn’t go missing again

A/N 2 - Here’s the surprise that absolutely no one knew about! A prequel of sorts to HIGA, my Mamma Mia! au featuring trixya and shalaska which you can read here on AQ before this for context

As before, this was pre-written so the rest is ready to go. Let me know if weekly submissions are fine or if you would prefer anything sooner!

(dont lose hope shalaska stans bc chapter two is coming sooner than soon and it’s chock full - and did i mention 8.5k words)

“Sharon, are you ready to go yet? The deacon wanted us here early so you can help to mind the kids before the service!”

Sharon stared into the mirror at a face that didn’t feel like hers. It was free of makeup, the pallidity emphasising the dark circles beneath her eyes and her uneven skin tone. Her blonde hair was pulled back into one long plait, and not a single hair dared to break the strict mold she had been forced into, even from last night’s previous sexy curls. Even her clothes felt uncomfortable, the floral dress of her mother’s choosing hanging loosely from her frame.

Demure. Sensible. Her shoes were patent and shiny, with a thick rubber sole.

Sighing, Sharon started down the stairs. Just once more, she would’ve liked to have slept in a little on a Sunday, but that would never be. Missing church was a sin, and Sharon’s almost obsessively Catholic mother would never allow such a thing to happen in her household - even though it had before. For Sharon, it wasn’t worth the screaming. As she traipsed down the stairs, she ran her slender fingers along the many embellished crosses on the wall, serving as a reminder that she would never be good enough. Above her, the depiction of Jesus on the cross glared judgmentally at her.

I died for your sins, he seemed to be saying. I died on a cross for your sins, and you’re turning up to church hungover.

Everything Sharon spent her weekends doing, it seemed, was wrong or bad or sinful in some way. She knew drinking was against the rules. Her mother, practically Puritan in some of her opinions, insisted that the popular music of the time was sinful too, as was the dancing. Sharon knew her mother would have an aneurysm if she knew how her daughter had looked and behaved the night before; a vision in bright makeup and skin-tight sparkles, grinding against other dancers as she sang. The woman would have been seconds from a heart attack if she had seen Sharon just that morning, silently making her way up the stairs and frantically wiping all traces of sultry makeup and stage attire from her body. There hadn’t been any time to sleep or recover from her night of partying - not if she wanted to look presentable.

The skirt of Sharon’s dress reached just below her knees. She was the picture of a respectful Catholic girl.

“Ah, you look decent for once,” Her mother appraised her. “Not like that awful Gina. She’s about your age, isn’t she? What a dreadful girl.”

In Sharon’s mother’s eyes, Gina was dreadful mostly due to her clothes, which were scandalous as they dipped below her collarbones and above her knees. Sharon, however, had once caught her with a boy, and Gina had once caught Sharon performing on a weekend. They had a silent pact to never spill the other’s secret.

“Yeah…” Sharon murmured, her mind elsewhere.

Her mother paused. “Here. Don’t forget your cross, for goodness sake.” She placed the rosary around her daughter’s neck. “There. Now, remember, you’re helping out at Sunday school and then attending the service with me. And no complaining, not like last time. I raised you to be a good, God-fearing girl. Or else you know what.”

Sharon nodded meekly. “Of course.”

As they walked, Sharon’s mind wandered to her friends, yearning to get away. Raja, no doubt, was lying fast asleep on the island somewhere, curled around some naked guy with hickeys all over his neck. They’d been gyrating over each other all night, and Raja was never one to shy away from male attention. Jinkx would be asleep too, most likely with Dorito crumbs in her hair, drooling from her hangover, perhaps accompanied with some young woman tucked under her arm. And then there was Sharon, on her way to church.

It had been an incredible night, like always. Her outfit - safely tucked away in the taverna’s dressing room so that her mother would never stumble upon it - was everything she knew she wasn’t allowed, tight sequined lycra that clung to her body and was perfect for dancing in. Her makeup was dark and smokey, and her spirits were high, fuelled by the alcohol and the roaring of the crowd dancing beneath them. The Supermodels had been formed a year ago, and they’d amassed quite a following on the little island they performed on.

Would anyone’s opinion of her change if they could see her now? She was the star of their show, the main attraction; she was the one everyone lauded as the lead singer, the funniest, the favourite. Yet she was the one who caught the early morning boat across back to the mainland, hurrying to scrub her makeup off and dress herself up as a good daughter.

But that was just how things were. Despite Raja and Jinkx’s encouragement, she knew it was just going to stay that way.

It was inescapable, really. As she’d been told, ever since she was a child, Jesus was watching. Some unseen forces had their eyes on her, judging her every move. Despite her lack of belief, the threat was real enough to force her into keeping up pretenses, much to her friends’ dismay. But she couldn’t help it. Disappointing her mother only ever ended in disaster.

-

Sharon wasn’t sure what she disliked more, in all honesty - the chilling silence that hung around the pews in the church or the ungodly screaming of the children at the Sunday school. The actual leader of the group had fucked off twenty minutes ago to make a cup of tea and hadn’t come back, leaving Sharon alone with the screaming under-tens as she attempted to teach them about the Last Supper.

She was sat on an uncomfortably low chair, made for the children, as she attempted to continue their lesson to no avail. They were running amok, screeching and screaming as she tried to maintain some level of control. She was seventeen, for fuck’s sake - it was cruel that they’d put her on babysitting duty.

“And- And Jesus…” She tried, holding up the obscenely large book as she tried to command their attention. “And Jesus told his disciples- oh, fuck this.”

She flung the book onto the floor, ignoring how the smooth pages crumpled beneath the foot of a little boy. She had never liked that stupid shiny book anyway. Bread and wine seemed like a crap dinner.

“You just said a bad word! I’m going to tell the priest!” An obnoxious kid of maybe seven declared, crossing her arms across her chest.

She was the kind of brat Sharon’s mother had always hoped Sharon would be. Her gaze was accusatory, her clothes disgustingly pristine, and she probably had some kind of stupid name like Mary-Ann. Undoubtedly, she’d grow up to be another suffocating church mom.

Sharon scowled. “Oh yeah? How about I tell your mommy that you said you don’t believe in God, and you don’t even want to do your stupid Holy Communion? Hmm?”

The little girl burst into tears. Sharon rolled her eyes, anger bubbling in her chest as she rose from the ridiculously tiny chair and stormed out of the room. The door slammed shut behind her, attracting the attention of the volunteer who was supposed to be taking care of the Sunday school. He looked up in surprise.

“They’re all yours.” She snarled. “Little fucking angels, the lot of them.”

With that, she stormed into the nave, cursing under her breath as she let the door slam shut behind her.

It seemed her outburst had not gone unnoticed, however, as the priest had ceased his dismal preaching, and the churchgoers were staring in horror at her entrance. It didn’t take long for Sharon to spot her mother, in that ludicrous hat with her murderous glare, so she walked with her head high towards the pew, slipping onto the end and bowing her head to blend in.

“Is everything quite alright with the children?” The priest inquired. Someone snickered.

“Just fucking peachy.” She replied, eliciting a shocked gasp. “Continue, Father John.”

Listening to the priest was no better, really, than the meltdown-inducing chaos of the Sunday school children, but it was something. At least his dull, unrelenting voice could allow her to zone out a little. She could just go into autopilot, saying ‘Amen’ when necessary and singing the words to hymns that she had practically been breastfed since birth.

As usual, she just obeyed. Sit down, stand up, pass money into the collection dish, sit down, sing the hymns, stand up. It was liturgical and structured, they told her. Just the way that God wanted it to be. Just the way she would never be able to be.

Suffocating. That was how it really was. Sharon felt trapped. A foot out of line, a hair out of place, a word misspoken - that was enough to feel as though she had let everyone down. She was a disgrace to the church and one day, she knew everyone would know about it. It felt like she was living a lie, almost. She’d go as far as saying that she had never believed in God, even as a child, and so attended the services in disbelief. She lived a lie, whilst still feeling the pressure and judgement under His watchful eye with her every thought and action. Sharon’s life was essentially planned out for her, all thanks to the church, and she hated it. She would never be able to be that perfect little wife they wanted her to be.

Raja and Jinkx were lucky. Raja’s family were Hindu, but Raja herself wasn’t, and Jinkx seemed as free as the wind that blew over the shore, devoid of any preconceived notions of how she should behave. Raja and Jinkx were able to just be. Sharon didn’t have that luxury.

The service ended all too soon, filling Sharon with a sense of impending dread. Most of her rebellion was away from her mother, as a way to feel as though she was silently taking control of her own life and her own fate. Rarely, she dared to be as bold as she had in talking back to the priest and the volunteer, and it always landed her in boiling hot water. Private rebellion felt safer, and as the priest talked, she could feel the looming horror of her punishment growing closer and closer, like the telling chill of a devastating winter blizzard. Although she hated it, she wished the service could go on for longer.

Mere seconds after it had ended, Sharon’s mother had taken her arm in a vice-like grip, and was frogmarching her outside. Her face was stony, rigidly set in a mask of pure anger that told Sharon she was going to pay dearly for her actions, at some point.

“What on God’s green earth do you think you’re doing?!” She bellowed, Sharon instinctively flinching. “How dare you swear at a man of God? How dare you embarrass me and our family in the holy place?”

Sharon swallowed. “I- I didn’t mean to, I-”

“Oh, yes, of course, now is the perfect time to repent from your sins. Sharon, dearest, do you remember your parables? How Jesus forgave the adulterous woman and made her promise to never do it again?”

She had no other option but to nod. “Yes, mom.”

“You aren’t just running out of chances, you vile brat. You ran out a long time ago.” Sharon’s mother paused, straightening her awful hat and glaring at Sharon, her face pinched. “Through Jesus, we find the way and the light. But you, young lady? You will never find His light. You will not be welcomed into the arms of Heaven when Judgement Day arrives. You’ll burn in Hell’s fires.”

She turned on her heel, marching away from the church and leaving Sharon with no choice in following her, a few paces behind so that she couldn’t see the tears glistening in her eyes. It didn’t matter if Sharon didn’t believe. Her mother did, and her mother truly believed she’d be suffering in eternal damnation. She would never be good enough.

It stung the entire way home. Sharon walked slowly, mulling over her mother’s words obsessively and growing more and more worked up as she thought. It wasn’t fair - it wasn’t fucking fair. She needed to get out. She needed to get away.

Of course, it would take careful planning, but Sharon was perfectly adjusted to finding illicit ways to get what she wanted. Sneaking out was practically second nature, having been raised in a Catholic prison since birth. If there was one thing she knew how to do, it was hide away.

As quickly as she could, she changed out of her nauseating church garb, letting her hair fall back into its natural waves and applying the makeup that her mother so heavily frowned upon. She knew that she would be reading by now, poring over her favourite Bible verses in order to distract and soothe her from the travesty that was her daughter, which meant Sharon had a short window of time to escape in.

Like a pro, she managed it, positioning each foot carefully on the stairs to avoid creaking and edging the door open inch by inch until she could slip through it. Once out, she ran, pelting at full-tilt through the twisting market streets into the wealthier part of town. At just after midday, she knew Raja would be home by now, and more than anything, she needed the company of her best friends.

Unlike Sharon’s respectable little home, Raja and her family were on the more extravagant side of the spectrum. Their house was gleaming white, adorned with colonnades and statues of centuries-worshipped gods that spurted water across the courtyard. It was essentially a mansion in the middle of town, and as stifling as it may have looked, it was like a second home. Even just approaching the house made her feel calmer, the anger dissipating a little. Her spirits felt lifted.

She only had to knock once before she received an answer.

“Hey!” Raja greeted as the door swung open. Jinkx stood behind her, the both of them dressed and awake for once. “You coming in?”

“Nope. You’re coming out.” Sharon grinned, spreading her arms wide to allow the sunshine to embrace her. “We’re going back to paradise and you’re coming with me.”

When in desperation, the island was Sharon’s solace. It was where The Supermodels performed on weekends, but it was also the perfect escape away from her mother’s hawk eyes that always seemed to watch her. Hardly anyone even knew about it, other than those who lived there, and those who did know about it didn’t have any interest. After all, there wasn’t much there besides the houses, a small marketplace for the residents, the taverna and some abandoned buildings. It was so secluded that it felt safe and adventurous all at the same time. Of course, it was party central for any teens, thanks to the taverna’s staging and outdoor dance floor, but that was a secret from any prying adults.

Within minutes, the girls had rushed out, dragging Raja’s boat onto the shore so they could sail away to safety. Sharon closed her eyes and let the salty air refresh her, letting the breeze blow her hair back as the sea spray flicked her skin. This was comfort and safety. Out in the open, surrounded by the blue of the ocean and the blue of the sky, nothing could hurt her. God couldn’t judge her here. She was untouchable.

They disembarked at the dock, taking each other’s hands and running all the way up, fraught with giggles. Something about the island just filled them with a sense of joy. It was only when they climbed to the highest point on the island, a sandy cliff-face that had only rocks and flowers, that they calmed down.

Sharon sat onto one of the rocks. “I can’t take this anymore. I’m going insane, girls.”

“I’m not surprised,” Jinkx replied, squatting in a decidedly unladylike manner over another rock. “It’s the same every time.”

“I mean, what’s the point?” Sharon asked. “I don’t care about what happens when I die, and whether I get into some fictional fucking Heaven. I care about now, in the moment. But nothing is happening in the moment because I’m so fucking restricted! By her, and that stupid fucking God!”

Raja nodded. “We gotta get you out of this shit before she brainwashes you. Keep rebelling and keep holding on, girl.”

Sharon sighed. “The stupid bint just keeps getting worse and worse, which just drives me to do more. I didn’t get back this morning until half an hour before we needed to leave. Plus she found those vodka bottles I hid the other week and went fucking berserk at me. Fuck her and fuck her stupid-ass rules.”

“Yes!” Raja and Jinkx cheered in unison. “Fuck her!”

“And fuck my dad for going off to Spain to be a fucking missionary. Fuck the entire fucking religion.”

Sharon took a deep breath. “Okay, it’s out of my system. So, what’s happening tomorrow? Same set?”

Jinkx shrugged. “I’d say so. With any luck, those hot siblings will be there again.”

She and Raja exchanged a knowing look.

“Shut up!” Sharon squealed, bursting into laughter. “You did not fuck a sibling each! You did not!”

“WE DID!” Raja screeched, giggling. “We really did!”

“You’re so bad!” Sharon laughed, wiping a stray tear from her eye. “I can’t believe you. That’s amazing.”

Jinkx snorted, which set them all off again into a fit of hysterical laughter.

“You know, that’s the next step. To piss off your mom.” Raja observed.

Sharon frowned. “Huh?”

“Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Raja recited solemnly, her hand on her chest in a mockery of a promise. “Girl, commit some fucking adultery and discover the wonderful world of premarital sex.”

Sharon grinned. “I’m not gonna fuck just to piss my mom off! When I find the right guy or girl I’ll do it, but not for her. She’s not worth that much.”

“Atta girl!” Jinkx reached over for a high five. “And when you do choose to lose your virginity, do tell us all the details. I miss being pure.”

“Aww, you think I’m pure?” Sharon teased, cupping her hands in prayer. “A little angel?”

“Not with those dance moves last night, sweetheart.” Raja butted in, standing up to do a horrifically inaccurate impression. “Sexy as hell!”

The three collapsed into peals of giggles once again.

When the sun began to sink towards the horizon, painting the island in beautiful shades of copper, the girls made their way back to the boat, ready to sail away from their bubble of paradise. Sharon felt her heart tugging as they left, wanting nothing more than to stay and bask in the beginnings of the warm summer evenings. At home, a strict schedule and disappointment awaited her. Her heart sank like the sun beneath the waves as they moored, stepping back onto the mainland.

“Let’s take the long way round,” Sharon said softly, her friends catching on immediately. In silent solidarity, they each wrapped an arm around her as they walked, browsing leisurely through the market stalls to waste as much time as they could.

Familiar faces went past like always, driving Sharon insane with the repetition. Her life needed something new, desperately.

I wasn’t made for this, she thought, eyeing the unwavering structure of the world around her. I was never meant to do what everyone else is doing.

Sharon wondered, briefly, if the out-of-place feeling would ever stop, until she saw him.

He was stood alone at the tourist information stall, purchasing a map. His hair was dark, slightly curly, in a tousled mess atop his head. Though she couldn’t see all of him, Sharon could tell he was lean and muscular, and she was mesmerised by the movement of his pink lips as he spoke in a husky voice.

“Fuck me, he is gorgeous.” She breathed, turning to Raja and Jinkx and then back to him.

He turned, offering her a crooked, mischievous smile and a cocked eyebrow. “Was that you?”

“Might’ve been.” Sharon responded coyly. “What’s it to you?”

He chuckled, the sound like music to Sharon’s ears, and offered his hand. “You little minx. I’m Justin, I’m here on vacation. I thought I’d get out and see all the hidden wonders of the world.”

She took it. “Sharon. How’s that going for you? I live here on the mainland and I haven’t found any hidden wonders.”

Justin shrugged, a flirtatious smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I’m looking at one right now. Maybe you could show me some more?”

In spite of herself, Sharon blushed. This handsome stranger was doing all kinds of crazy things to her mind, and yet they were only flirting. She had never felt this way before.

“You ever been to that little island over there?” She asked, pointing towards the landmass in the near distance. Justin shook his head.

“You’re in luck.” Sharon smiled. “Meet me there, six in the evening tomorrow. There’s a fantastic show at the taverna that I’m sure you’ll love”

Justin nodded slowly, impossibly suave. “With you, I’d go anywhere.”

[nyanzaya]

@if-that-so inquired: 💋💖💄👓🔫🔮🎤🎪🍸🍯🍰⛄⏳💐⚾🌊🌵🍒🐝💳👠👻💉🃏😊🙁 tbh i want to ask all... And also, there are some i already know but i just want to make sure 😘 

oc questions

💋 What traits do they like in other people? What traits do they not like?

Iza: The traits Iza likes in other people is intellect? He likes smart people, but he also doesn’t like smart people. He loves people who are a little gullible/inattentive because he would take advantage of it in small ways to get what he wants. Direct people are his favorite but also his bane because he hates to be put in the spotlight when they call things/point things out.

Zuo: Zuo likes when someone is laid back, fun and just a calming presence to be around. The traits he dislikes are: Deceptive, dishonest, indecisive and of course provoking in terms of trying to rile him up and get him angry

💖 Do they have a significant other? If so, who?

In their canon they were significant others; but things happened and now they are broken up even though under the sheets they still want to be together. You could say that they are still significant others but if they find anyone else to be with instead of each other then they let each other go. In a way you could say Zuo and Iza are still significant others with each other but as of right now they don’t have a significant other-- (and if i were to make this blog single ship I think I might make them significant others again but it would be like wild af)

💄 Do they care about their physical appearance? What’s their routine like?

Iza: He cares a lot about how he looks. From how his hair is style to the make up he has on. He wants to look the best and be the “best in show” Often, he is asleep during the day but whenever he does wake up he washes his face, fixes his hair to look well-kept and then he puts on eyeliner and depending, mascara. The eyeliner is always a cateye. He has a bunch more make up but he stays with the simple stuff because he feels that if you put too much you’re just ruining how you look, then he makes sure his nails are well-kept and manicured so if he’s not sleeping or working he will be tending to his nails

Zuo: He doesn’t care that much about how he looks? All he cares about is looking presentable and then going about his business. He doesn’t care for “looking the best” if anything he’d just want to look cool even if he doesn’t wear anything that’s flashy. Zuo does style his hair to hide his ears but sometimes they perk up from under his hair and it’s super cute

👓 Do they have any physical or mental disabilities?

Iza: I MEAN. He doesn’t have any physical disabilities but for mental-- like PTSD then yes lol. MMmh I guess hypersomnia because he is constantly and I mean cooonstantly sleeping even though it’s more like naps(like 16-24 hours at least) Anxiety and depression too.

Zuo: He doesn’t have any physical disabilities and for mental it’s almost the same as Iza’s except he doesn’t have hypersomnia. With what they both lived through, they would have these types of mental disorders but they ARE NOT diagnosed for it

🔫 What would they die for? Kill for?

Both of them would die to help their kin be free from servitude and they’d kill for it too. Iza already does kill for it, but Zuo tries not too. Though, unlike Iza, Zuo would kill and die for his significant other(whether it’s Iza or not), but Iza would kill for his significant other even if it means he kills them or someone else lmfao

🔮 Do they have any magical powers or abilities? If it’s a realistic world, what religion do they follow?

I think there has to be some magic because well, tbh the world is based around drrr and there’s supernatural creatures like faeries and demons so it wouldn’t surprise me if there was even a little bit of magic but, Iza and Zuo don’t have any magical powers or abilities. Iza isn’t exactly religious but the religion he follows is the religion of a cat god who was almost entirely erased from the world and sometimes when he refers to “God” he refers to her, but he does reference the christian God quite a bit and might have a bit of a god complex because he preaches for people to “Turn yourself into God and you won’t ever be killed.” Now ZUO WELL, I think he actually is religious but he is not a devote follower. I think he follows the same religion as Iza with the cat god but he isn’t a devote follower of Her, he prefers to keep religion and things like that to himself. Where Iza and Zuo differ between the religion is Iza says She is a vengeful and cruel god who wants to punish all who have hurt her children or kittens(As in her followers), while Zuo says she’s a benevolent God who wants to fix the things she had done wrong. Iza and Zuo don’t talk about religion to each other often because they could never agree.

🎤 Do they play any instruments?

Neither of them play instruments, unless you count singing as an instrument then Iza sings! Zuo would get frustrated with instruments but if he did play he would probably play drums

🎪 What would their favorite ride at an amusement park be?

Iza: The ferris wheel so he can look down on all the people because he loves to feel superior and better than them :sob:

Zuo: A big crazy roller coaster because he would love to feel the wind and the rush of adrenaline

🍸 How do they act when they’re drunk?

Iza: He’s honestly? Really emotional when he’s drunk? Lol like, he really easy to influence too and just the littlest things would make him burst into tears like LOL oh god if he saw something really cute he’d just “Oooh~ MY GODS-- That’s the cutest..i--eeeeoh my gooooood” Like Iza please...dont cry because of a really cute looking puppy or kitten lol

Zuo: I ACTUALLY HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT FOR ZUO BUT I THINK HE WOULD BE THE CALM FUNNY CUDDLE TYPE OF DRUNK.

🍯 Which era of history would they most like to live in?

Iza: I think he’d want to live in like, oh gosh probably the future tbh?

Zuo: He’d want to live in the era with kings and queens because he was a royal knight and he misses his king :(

🍰 What’s their favorite food?

Iza: He loves horse meat? I don’t know why

Zuo: I think Fugu because he isn’t afraid to get poisoned by a fish

⏳ How do they feel about death?

Iza: Iza finds death to be a beautiful thing? I don’t think he really...idolizes it... because in his head its “You’re not really dying, you are being transformed into something else.” which like, okay Iza. I mean I GUESS. and he says that you don’t ever actually die, you get reincarnated as something else to learn a new lesson

Zuo: For real Zuo doesn’t like death, hates death, and wishes it never existed because he can remember his past lives and how he died and what he hates most about it is: coming back and having to figure everything out again and finding Iza/his soulmate and convince them that “We are destined to be together, please, believe me you don’t remember but I do.” and YEAH HE GETS REALLY SAD ABOUT IT

💐 Do they collect anything? What’s their most prized possession?

Iza: Iza collects plush toys because he feels comforted whenever he has one. His prized possession has to be his collar because he got that from his first master? And he’s had it ever since? He wears it literally all the time, partly because one he kinda misses his first? And second to deter people from taking him

Zuo: I don’t think Zuo has ever collected anything? Not from what I can recall but his most prized possession has to be the glasses he wears because he got that from his mom because she didn’t want him to be unable to see just how colorful the world actually is (they are both colorblind)

⚾ Do they play any sports?

Iza: He doesn’t play any sports? But I mean if you count hunting small animals and occasionally people as a sport then yeah he does LOL

Zuo: He plays whatever sport he can, though his favorites are soccer and football, mostly football for really obvious reasons

🌊 What one place do they really want to visit and why?

Iza: France! Because he wants to visit Paris since he heard it’s the city of love

Zuo: Germany! He wants to see the castles and try the food

🌵 What languages do they speak?

Iza: English, German, Japanese

Zuo: English, French, Japanese

🍒 What are some items they always carry? What weapon do they favor using if they exist in a world where weapons are necessary?

Iza: He always has his pocket knife, but he’s very reluctant on using it because he would rather talk with words than get physical and fight(Unless it’s Zuo then he will fight Zuo), wallet, needles because he can hit puncture points really well when he’s fighting/hunting

Zuo: This white envelope that holds his catnip cigarettes that he rolls himself, his sunglasses and wallet

🐝 What stereotypical high school clique would they fit into?

Iza: He would fit in that…. Drifter or an Outsider clique? The one kid that goes around and comes off as a social butterfly but is just fine on their own and is also the one that ends up knowing literally everyone else's business while no one knows his.

Zuo: I think he would be a jock lmfao just, obvious reasons? To burn off steam and because he wants attention

💳 What one thing that they don’t need do they waste the most money on?

Iza: Oh gosh...he wastes money on a lot of things ...like he doesn’t need make-up but “Bitch I need my eye liner and blush.” and strawberry milk because “Shut up! I like it, I desire it, and I will have it.” and plush toys because “It makes me feel GOOD.” And designer knives because “I just think they are neat and I want it for my collection.” Like, someone stop him

Zuo: Hmm for Zuo? I don’t think he really spends his money-- but sometimes he’d impulsive buy weird things like slippers that look like bread? Or weird figurines lol it’s so hard to say accuse there’s a lot of weird things xD But if it looks interesting and funny he’d buy it, it dont even matter what it is

👠 What kind of shoes do they wear?

Iza: Iza has a lot of shoes he wears? Like he’ll wear heels(Like any type of heel) sometimes but most of the time I think he wears slip-ons, sneakers and slippers and if he’s dressed up he’d wear derby.

Zuo: He’s so easy and simply: Sneakers. Slip-ons, slippers  

👻 Do they believe in ghosts, aliens, and the occult in general?

For both of them, yes! I think Iza is kind of skeptical about it but Zuo insists aliens and ghosts are real. Iza is more into the occult than Zuo, like witchcraft and magic because he wants it to be real

💉 Which Deadly Sin do they most correspond to? Which Heavenly Virtue?

Iza: Lust for his sin and oh god… for a heavenly virtue uhm…. Hope or Fortitude

Zuo: Wrath for his sin and for his heavenly virtue it’s Justice or Temperance

🃏 If you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, what would it be?

Iza: Death because it represents major transformation and new beginnings, and transformation, passage, and change. Another one would be The Moon(symbolizes illusion and deception, and therefore often suggests a time when something is not as it appears to be. Perhaps a misunderstanding on your part, or a truth you cannot admit to yourself) and The Devil(symbolizes ambitions and is also synonymous with temptation, addiction, and depression)

Zuo: The World because it represents that things have come full circle, a journey has been completed, and a long-term project has come to an end. Another one for him would be The Sun(symbolizes positive energy, joy of living and enthusiasm) and The Hanged Man(symbolizes trial or meditation, selflessness, and sacrifice)

😊 What do they consider to be their best quality? What actually is their best quality?

Iza: He would say his best quality is his charm. His actual best quality is how tactful he can be, let alone romantic

Zuo: He would say his best quality is how brave he is. His actual best quality is how self-confident he is in himself

🙁 What do they consider to be their worst quality? What actually is their worst quality?

Iza: He would say his worst quality is how lazy/procrastinating he gets. His worst quality has to be how vainful and superficial he can actually be, let alone him using it to manipulate situations to get what he wants.

Zuo: He would say it’s his outbursts of anger, but actually his worst quality impulsive behavior because he just does it...he doesn’t think about it

[01010010-posts]

— my white sighs quietly melted with the stars above.

it all started with a simple ‘you’re a slowpoke??’ text and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply immediately after. ‘I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong person’. absolutely no, you scoffed, as if you were going to be tricked again ‘bitch don’t play the wrong number card because you didn’t catch the bus’. he was amused by your obstinacy and lightly worried about the supposed receiver, who, it appeared, was very clumsy; ‘please, control the number you texted, I’m Connor.’ boy he sure was. not your pal, not someone else in your contact list, just.... Connor. ‘god, i apologize!! thank you for telling me! ps. didn’t mean to call you a bitch, connor’ and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply. connor: shouldn’t you be in bed by now? you: but,,,, i wanted to chat with u a little more connor: as an android sleep is not required but you, as a human, need to rest. we can always continue talking tomorrow. you: :( what if you have a long case tomorrow?? mh?? what if?? what you’re gonna say in your defense then?? connor: don’t worry :) I’ll find time for you. you: ok you win goodnight ☆ connor: sweet dreams. goodnight, [name]. it’s been three months since you’ve first spoken with him. intimacy there but low, how obvious it is that the two of you are proceeding with caution. yet you can’t help but write to him every day, staying up late while waiting for an answer of his, often checking your mobile and getting unsettled when there’s no signal. it’s strange, your colleagues whisper, how can you be so attached to someone if you’ve never even seen him? of course, you know it. you don’t wish for a pretty face, you only wish for a pretty personality. with a heavy sigh and a loud poof you pull the white duvet up to your head, finding comfort by completely hiding inside the warm embrace. you tightly hug a pillow, pretending that it’s him, returning your affection and cuddling, maybe caressing you too inasmuch, as he said, ‘androids don’t need to sleep’. but is it bad to fantasise? you: I’m deeply sorry.... sweetheart: >:( you: [name], it’s the seventh text-made emoji you’ve sent me.... they expressed some sort of anger so I’d prefer if we discussed about whatever is bothering you. sweetheart: >:(( you: I’m begging you.... sweetheart: you’re grounded and your punishment is enduring the wrath of weird angery text-based emoji :< you: what did I do to deserve this? :’( sweetheart: i sent you a heart & you didn’t send it back to me you: gosh! how clumsy of me! could you ever forgive this fool? sweetheart: mhhh it depends. what are you willing to do to be pardoned? you: I’ll send you whatever heart I possess! 💕💖💗💖 sweetheart: THIS IS UNFAIR!!! he’s silently giggling all by himself, in the cold room lit by his blue led circling at a steady rhythm– no, it’s not the temperature, rather it’s the atmosphere; ‘cold’. he’s still grappling with emotions and developing tastes is– well, to put it simply, complicated. he’s heartened with the fact that you once said, at the sight of a photo of his bed and the corner within, that being minimalistic is a style too. though, possibly, his true self is one of a clutterer of knick-knacks. of course, he’d like you to help him pick what ornaments would suit him the best. you: wtf i dont believe it connor♡ : but it does! you: prove it MIKU HATSUNE connor♡ : listen here human it’s not my fault you haven’t got the chance to witness an android external fluid deactivating you: !!!!! are you bragging?? connor♡ : ahahaha I’m joking it’s sending a video right now you watch ecstatically as soon as the app downloads the file, your chest throbbing with pleasurable anxiety. how can it be? he’s kind, precious AND fucking handsome, skin or no skin. you bet bad things will happen to you today to balance this sheer luck. think it thoroughly, it’s actually the first time you see his face. you: u’r cute also how does your hair work man connor♡ : thank you :) it’s connected to my head so.... you: i get it cybernetic magic your secrets are safe with me connor♡ : ahahaha and I was concerning myself about disgusting you you: WHAT fuck no you’re done that way, ok, it’s cool ok? kept it in mind are you allowed to insert ♡ near his name and not tell him? you: I’m waiting!! :/ sweetheart: so needy you: come on, [name]! sweetheart: tru tho you: >audio file cooome ooooonn sweetheart: !!! im ready pick up idiot the monitor lits and here you are, gorgeous. he’s certain that his heart melted on the spot. such is the sensation you give him every time you send him a photo, his thirium pump skipping a beat and making him inevitably somewhat gasping for air, mouth barely closed. he’s not accustomed to all the new features deviancy brought but in this he’s confident, he’s head over heels in love with you. you: what?? you’ve already seen the movie?? love♡ : yeah! I went with Hank! it was very nice, you should see it too you: WELL id kill to (please don’t arrest me detective) but nobody wants,,,, love♡ : why is that? (I won’t arrest you if you behave) you: something along the lines of not their genre or some shit uff (seems sketchy) love♡ : what about going alone? (it isn’t!!) you: it would be too sad :’(  love♡ : I’m sorry to hear that, if I could be there I’d accompany you and wouldn’t mind seeing it a second time. you: yes i know.... what is it? six months? more? you hardly remember, having so many messages in here, it would be too difficult to keep track, though you’re positive, that if you asked him he’d tell you in an instant, since he’s so attentive with that little brain-computer of his. you close your lids, tapping your fingers on the desk, it’s wearing, you must admit. you like him, a lot at this point, but being so far and out of reach.... what can come out of this? friends don’t support you either, ignoring this blatant crush, trying to make you hook-up with people met at a bar, getting annoyed at you constantly texting, preaching that a long distance relationship is not worth your time and your effort, and it’s not even a relationship, isn’t it? you’re not on that level. you’re just weirdos keeping themselves company. bummed out a bit, you decide that maybe avoiding him for a couple of days might be a proper solution. will he feel your absence? will he miss you? you: is everything all right? sweetheart: yes. you: are you sure? sweetheart: yep im,,,, swamped with work, the drill you: that I understand but perhaps I did something wrong? sweetheart: ?? you: you’ve been acting kinda cold lately, and if I’m the cause of that I’m sorry. being a deviant is good sometimes, and sometimes is not. it was great until a while ago so why now.... now....? he feels so lost. it’s understandable to have a job and a life outside this bond but– but is it really? is it okay for you to be without him? you’d manage fine. mhh no– the real question is: is it okay for him to be without you? can he be without sending you a text at least once a day? can he be without hearing your voice at least once a week? can he be without your usual video calls at least twice a month? can he be without seeing you, over a screen, cooking your dinner and singing? can he be? can he exist without you? he’s.... starting to doubt that. sweetheart: no i’m i’m the one whos sorry, okay? we can call tomorrow you: I don’t want to press you into anything you don’t want to sweetheart: you’re not! i’ll make up for not having been so present! you sigh, suffocating yourself on the pillow, how can you be this dense? this stupid? this utter moronic?? unequivocally he was going to worry. you made him worry. fuck. you’re going to trust your guts, no dumb jokes, it’s obvious that you both care about the other and can’t stay apart for too long. you: i know it’s 3AM and you told me to not be awake but i cant i cant okay? im thinking of you and me and you and it began because im a mess so it shouldnt be a surprise i havent gotten better this past year has been.... the best. yeah i fucked up and tried to be distant, to see if sth would change but it didnt i love waking up and finding a text from you, i love the sound of your voice trying to lull me goodnight when im being a spoiled child, i love how you’re so gentle & how you always forgive me and mostly i love you not as a friend, definitely as more, definitely like a lover and i know that you’re so caring that you’ll probably still want to talk with me even if the affection’s not mutual you lock your phone’s screen and place it on the nightstand. the orange light from the streets seeping through the curtains and soaking your covers, and now that your eyes are free to roam, it’s easier to notice the soft feathers’ filling making tiny shadows on your face. poor poor geese. your fingertips slightly touch the stitches, your heartbeat pacing furiously from the strong emotions, both trepidation and fear running your veins. what if he doesn’t feel the same? what if he’s been polite this whole time and you overstepped his boundaries? what if? love♡ is typing.... ping! love♡ : I love you too, honey. but please, don’t scare me again, I think I lost four biocomponents when you suddenly stopped replying to me. also you should sleep. you: im pouring my heart out ugly crying and!!!! you’re too casual nooo it’s no big deal baby we just fucking love each other it’s totally ok incoming call from love ♡ “hey....” his tone slow and almost drowsy “i thought it was clear enough.” words rolling off his tongue, the same that he’d tenderly run across you, kissing, tasting, worshipping your body “i hate you.” you sniffle and there’s a chuckle on the different end “i love you.” you smile, wiping off the tears wetting your cheeks with the back of your right hand “i love you too.”

[regvlvs-blck]

okay, okay, okay! hi, i’m casey ( she/her ) and i haven’t been part of a group roleplay here on tumblr dot com in actual ages but i’m excited to be apart of this one! i love the marauders era and i’ve been wanting to write my own personal take on regulus for quite some time ( thanks jkr but it’s my city now ) and... i dont have much else to say, except that i can’t wait to dig my teeth in here. lemme know if you’d have any interest in plotting by giving this post a like and i’ll hop in your messages!

isn’t that REGULUS BLACK? yeah that is HIM, sitting there at the SLYTHERIN table with those other FIFTH years and i think i heard sybill saying they look like TIMOTHEE CHALAMET… whoever that is! when she looks into her crystal ball she sees a tumultuous ocean tide, an ill-fitting crown that was never meant to be yours, desperate hands looking for purchase, grasping and pulling you apart in the process. anyway i’ve heard they’re pretty MALLEABLE, HAUGHTY, and SHREWD. apparently they’re a PUREBLOOD but i’m sure that’s not related. —— [ casey : est : 22 : she/her ] 

some quick notes about reg:

born august 15th, 1961 in london, england.

only his family and very close friends and are permitted to call him ‘reg’ and he doesn’t have many of those.

a half-mad mother coupled with a heartless father means the black home was rife with abuse and neglect.

as such, regulus made sure to stay out of sight and out of mind by doing his best to be the good son. never questioning his parents. never stepping out of line. always afraid of the backlash. luckily, he had sirius as a prime example of what not to do. 

regulus is his parents’ clay to mold. he will do what is asked of him without question and he’ll take on their beliefs as staunchly as if they were his own. 

as the newly crowned heir to the black family name, regulus is adamant on filling this role to the best of his ability even if it means sacrificing himself in the process. he’s learned from sirius’ mistakes and he’s determined not to be another black mark on the family tapestry. he considers it his duty to restore honor and nobility to the black family name.

speaking of sirius, we do not speak of sirius...

his elder brother’s less than graceful departure this past summer has left regulus with a heap of responsibilities and expectations that were never supposed to be his. where once the black brothers weathered the storm that was their upbringing together, now regulus must face it all on his own. how can he not be bitter? especially if sirius goes as far as to call another ‘brother’. 

he is gay but in the closet for his own safety and well-being.

as the last of his name, it’s expected of him to marry a woman and further on the black bloodline and anything other than that will surely see him go the way of his brother. this terrifies him.

in an effort to hide this part of himself, he avoids all romantic pursuits and all questions related to them.

as true neutral as they come.

has a morbid sense of curiosity for the dark arts.

this is in contrast to the fact that he is undoubtedly soft-hearted. while he may feign a sadistic attitude to fit in with his fellow deatheaters-to-be, witnessing any act of actual violence or cruelty makes him physically sick.

deadly smart and it’s going to get him killed one of these days.

he listens, he observes and he absorbs.

mirrors the opinions of those around him. yes, of course, he has opinions of his own. though, he’s not really attached to them as much. he puts on a good show. preaching what he thinks everyone wants to hear and he always knows exactly what someone wants to hear.

enjoys a good mystery.

he desires to become an unspeakable when he graduates hogwarts.

tried out for the quidditch team this year as a chaser but ultimately backed out before the roster was official in order to focus on his O.W.Ls 

pompous and haughty and prideful but it’s all a carefully constructed act.