#like FITZ. what the fuck is WRONG WITH YOU.

[spending-life-pretending]

Beloved is a far stronger person than me because if I thought the childhood friend I’d been in unrequited love with for 20+ years had quietly started bringing me flowers every morning and then I finally brought it up with him after weeks/months only for him to immediately reveal he actually hadn’t been the one doing it at all I WOULD have been on the next ship out of Buckkeep that very night, prophecies be damned

[saffitaffi]

So I just read all 914 pages of Fool’s Fate in one day. I don’t think I’ve ever read that much in one day ever. These books are so good holy snickerdoodles I love the politics and the amazing worldbuilding (robin writes matriarchies and different societal structures SO GOOD) and the realistic characters and Fitz’s unreliable narration and also the gay ass ‘friendship’ between him and the fool (fitz ‘no homo but also my bond with you is deeper than my love for anyone else including my other half bonded wolf and my wife and also sex’ farseer)

So uh. Yeah. Excuse me while I go cry in the corner. Again.

[fitzselfships]

Wow I love waking up and my brain immediately attacking me with Zooble wouldn't love you /Heavy sarcasm

[fitzfunnymoments]

Man </3

[overstimulate-me]

i wake up wearing a paper hospital gown and strapped down to a medical bed with my feet in stirrups. i’m disoriented, so it isn’t until i try to thrash around and get free that i notice there’s an IV in my arm and a catheter between my legs. alerted by my movement, a nurse comes over to check on me.

“i’m glad you’re awake, how are you feeling?” he says.

“i’m fine, what am i doing here?”

“you don’t remember? that’s not good. i’m going to take care of you, then i’ll get the doctor for you. he’ll be able to answer more of your questions.”

the nurse takes the catheter out, and i feel a relief from a pain i hadn’t fully processed. as soon as it’s out, though, he pushes another one in—one that’s a size up.

“hey, what are you doing?” i ask indignantly.

he smiles regretfully at me. “i know it hurts, but i promise it’s for the best.” after finishing with the catheter, he swaps out the bag attached to the IV drip, and i feel myself start to get drowsy again.

the next time i wake up, the nurse is already beside me. “hey, welcome back,” he says with a light smile. i’m groggy and confused, so he keeps going. “it sounds like the doctor is really busy for now, but he’ll come see you when he gets the time.”

he heads between my legs, pushing them just a little further apart than they were before to get better access. he pulls out the catheter, but again replaces it with something larger. “this one is a plug,” he explains, “which we use because it has some additional functionality. but of course, that has its drawbacks, so let me know if you ever need to relieve yourself.”

he leaves the room, and i’m left just to sit there bored and think about the pain between my legs. slowly, the memories from the night before start to come back to me. i was out dancing with my friends, and i remember clocking a man who was staring at me the whole time. it wasn’t until much later, when i’d had a few drinks in me, that he approached me and handed me a cup.

that man, come to think of it, looked a lot like the nurse. and isn't it strange, that no one else has come in to check on me? even if the doctor is busy, hospitals usually have multiple nurses.

as i start to panic, i feel the plug in my urethra start to... oh my god it's expanding. that's the "additional functionality" he was talking about. the beeping from the heart rate monitor speeds up, and i try to get myself out of the bed, but the restraints are secure. the man pretending to be a nurse must hear the commotion, as he enters the room immediately afterwards.

"now now," he says with a sadistic smile, "there's no need for all that."

"what are you going to do with me?" i demand.

"well first, i'm going to give you a sedative." he starts to fitz with the IV bag again. "not enough to knock you out this time, i want you to feel everything that's happening. but i really do need this struggling to stop."

"you're sick," i spit.

his demeanor remains frustratingly calm. "i'm sure you think so. but remember this point, because it's only going to get worse."

i want to curse at him, but i also need to know: "what do you mean? what are you going to do?"

he leans in close and almost whispers his answer. "i'm going to fuck you in a hole you've never been fucked in before." my eyes go wide and i pull back as much as i can within the restraints, which isn't much. he pushes a button and grins as i feel the plug expand again. "i'm going to fuck your pee-hole."

i try to resume my thrashing, but my limbs are heavy—the sedative is starting to kick in. "you're a freak! what's wrong with you?"

"a lot of things. but since the guise is up, i suppose we don't need this anymore," he says, then cuts the hospital gown off me. "and now that i don't have to pretend, i get to play with you as much as i want until the big finale." he flicks the plug and i scream.

when i'm eventually able to form words again, it's a babble of "no no no no please don't!"

"please don't?" he asks with mock surprise. "you want me to hurry up and fuck your urethra now? but baby you're not stretched out enough, i'd rip you open. well, if that's what you want—"

"NO i don't want that!"

"so you want me to keep playing with you then?" he flicks the plug again, and i scream again. "that's not an answer."

"yes, i want you to keep playing with me! please don't fuck me there yet," i sob.

"okay baby, whatever you want."

[majaurukalo]

I hope this doesn’t make me sound like a petty child (but it probably will) but I fucking hate it when people don’t address my mobility aid properly.

I use a cane (and a very fancy cane) but a couple of people called it a crutch and it rubbed me the wrong way. Not because of the idea of using a crutch, it’s fine, I’d use a crutch if I need it, but simply because it’s not. Canes and crutches are very different thing and serve different purposes.

Now, I don’t force people to call my cane by the name I gave to it (Fitz, but the way) because they might find it strange and okay, but calling it something that isn’t feels a bit disrespectful. You know, when you can’t find the right name for something and so you call it in a way that is similar because who cares how you call it? That’s not what they intend, probably, but it just feels that way to me. Also, my cane is an extension of my body. Can you imagine calling your leg arm and your arm leg?

Also, I think that by now non-disabled people should know the difference between canes, crutches, power chairs, manual wheelchairs, walkers, rollators, etc.

Does this post make sense? Don’t know. But if anyone tells me that I’m weird for giving names to my mobility aids well, what about all those people giving names to their fucking cars?

[natequarter]

just one last timeblr thing and then i swear

0 notes

💣 commiedyke Follow

just watched the president of gallifrey down a bottle of ibuprofen citing 'what's the worst it can do, kill me?' mum come pick me up i'm scared

💣 commiedyke Follow

ok so apparenly time lords are immune to ibuprofen. why did the professor not just tell me this when i asked

#ace speaks #literally he stood in front of me whilst i was watching all of this and said. nothing. #i was thinking romana might DIE and he said NOTHING #duuuude i hate this shitass plsnet

7 notes

👑 fred Follow

watching some 90s earth show with ace let's see how this goes

👑 fred Follow

oh no she's hot

#shut up romana #might have to use that as my next face... #also who thinks buffy and spike should kiss #btvs #<- new tag!

5 notes

💣 commiedyke Follow

hey why did the professor die and turn into a prettyboy

#ace speaks #like wtf not even a warning? #unwarranted #imagine if your dad turned into a cute edwardian one day and then he lost his memory #yeah i know my struggles are unique

2 notes

💣 commiedyke Follow

watching buffy with the lads (<- a couple of loser time lords + leela) let's see how badly this goes lol

💣 commiedyke Follow

UPDATE: romana just said the vampire lady was hot shit (not in those exact words but you get me) and tbh she's not wrong

💣 commiedyke Follow

her exact words were "i'd die to be her" btw

💣 commiedyke Follow

UPDATE 2: she did die to be her

🎻 the--adventurer8 Follow

yeah this has happened before :p

💣 commiedyke Follow

w. what do you mean. before. professor what do you mean before. professor????/

#ace speaks #he can't keep getting away with this

84 notes

⚔️ warqueenextraordinaire Follow

Just regenerated. Thoughts?

💣 commiedyke Follow

WHAT THE FUCK DUDE

⚔️ warqueenextraordinaire Follow

I'll take that as a no then

#Harsh

69 notes

🪨 vislorturlough Follow

guys i solved it. it's maff boy

✈️ donewiththisshit573 Follow

Can you fucking STOP

#he'll never know if he was right and you keep MOCKING HIM???

8 notes

💣 commiedyke Follow

leela just told me she doesn't have periods????? never mind 'other mammals don't do this' apparently other HUMANS don't do this? we can evolve that shit out??? brb killing myself

#ace speaks #more like ace SCREAMS amirite lads

5 notes

🚬 fitz-crier Follow

ineed hium ttothrow me intotthe hesrrt of acnucelar reactor. ansd causeeworld war rthee.

0 notes

⚔️ warqueenextraordinaire Follow

Does anyone else on this website ship Scully and Mulder or is it just me

💣 commiedyke Follow

i regret getting you into 90s scifi so much

#you have no idea

30 notes

🐧 coordinatorsupreme Follow

What is "Friends"?

💣 commiedyke Follow

posts that are funnier without context

57 notes

[unaside]

best friend i hate when people try to criminalize fitz to make other characters the victim in every situation. it’s so annoying. like he’s such a good character and barely anybody actually sees what a complex person he is. we think there’s nothing wrong going on in the vacker family? seriously? i mean if biana felt invisible and ignored her entire life and alvar joined the fucking neverseen there must have been something that was happening. you cant tell me they were just like that. the plot twist of alvars betrayal was actually so shocking because, like, you would have had no fucking idea. he must have been a good person, but he could have just snapped. biana wants to create her own legacy. she wants to break rules. she wants to tear away from the norms. idk where this is going i’m just rambling about random stuff at this point. but BIANA FEELING INVISIBLE HER WHOLE LIFE THEN MANIFESTING AS A VANISHER IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME. alvar and biana escaped. for better or for worse. fitz cant. and omg i fucking hate when people get mad at fitz for ending things with sophie after the matchmaking thing. he literally said and i quote, “i would never hear the end of it. my parents and sister would never hear the end of it. and i don’t think i could deal with that.” FUCKING GOD. GOD FORBID A TRAUMATIZED TEENAGE BOY DOESNT WANT TO DISAPPOINT HIS ENTIRE FAMILY. FUCKING HELL. fitz cant escape from whatever fucking legacy he’s in. he’s stuck there. he always has been and he always will be. he’s the perfect child. the golden child. the favorite child. i swear i should start counting how many times he’s been called perfect. he’s been put on a pedestal his entire fucking life and the second he tries dipping a toe in the water below he gets attacked. there’s nothing he can do but stay. he’s not allowed to be anything but perfect. he can’t stray from that. he’s been at it his entire life. HES NOT ALLOWED TO BE ANYTHING BUT PERFECT. and now here’s the part where i get talk about keefe. don’t worry guys he’s a cool guy i just don’t rlly like him😔 keefe is allowed to be imperfect. he’s allowed to be messy. fitz isn’t. i know it hurts him whenever someone(mostly keefe) makes a comment on him or his family being perfect, when they’re anything but. but he tries and tries and tries. he can’t be imperfect, but he can’t be too perfect. there’s nothing he can do. he’s put under all this pressure at a very young age and he’s expected to succeed at everything. and it makes me mad that keefe is so ignorant about it. he makes jokes and i know that he knows it hurts fitz. he’s literally an empath. bye i’m not taking any criticism 🙏

(i found this in my notes and i genuinely can’t remember when i wrote this help)

[lotusishere]

AHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY IS THE SONG “I love you, I’m Sorry” ( by Gracie Abrams) PERFECTLY DEPICTS SOPHIE AND FITZ’S RELATIONSHIP?! (The part of their relationship where they were both scrambling to make it work so badly but it exploded in their face)

“That's just the way life goes. I like to slam doors closed. Trust me, I know it's always about me”

^ The way Sophie and Fitz have a lot in common with their coping mechanisms. Sophie represses her anger but lashes out when people don’t understand her. Fitz expressing his anger verbally when he feels it because he wants to understand and when he doesn’t he lashes out more.

“We'll have been talking, but not all that often, we're cool now,”

^ When they first got together and Sophie was avoiding Fitz because she found out she was unmatchable. Then when they broke up (if you count it as a break up since they weren’t actually together) when they tried to be friends again after.

“I push my luck, it shows. Thankful you don't send someone to kill me,”

^ They both push their luck. You can disagree with me but they both pushed their luck when it came to their “relationship”. Fitz pushed his luck with match making and so did Sophie. I feel like they both knew neither was going to budge about it but they still pushed it.

“You were the best but you were the worst. As sick as it sounds, I loved you first. I was a dick, it is what it is , A habit to kick, the age-old curse. I tend to laugh whenever I'm sad. I stare at the crash, it actually works. Making amends, this shit never ends… I'm wrong again, wrong again”

^ This entire part of the song SCREAMS Sophie and Fitz. Good Lord does it shout their relationship when they were lashing out at each other. “You were the best but you were the worst” bffr this was their own thing. You can disagree with me about whether or not they actually liked one another romantically or not. Whether way they both admired one another in a way others didn’t. When they had good moments they were GOOD moments. Everything in their relationship wasn’t negative. Yes they did argue (A lot) towards the end. Yes they pushed one another. Yes they hurt one another verbally and emotionally with their opinions and decisions. But even with A OCEAN of water under the rug under them they still had GOOD genuine moments. They CARE for each other. They want the other one to be okay and happy. That’s what’s sad about their relationship. They cared so much for the other. You could see that they both wanted it to work.

And I know people argue and say “Sophie didn’t try” and honestly fuck you. She did try. She tried SO HARD. If you can’t see her effort in their relationship that’s crazy. The entire reason she wanted match making papers was FOR FITZ. She went looking for her parents for him. She made plans with Keefe and her team to find out her parents. She did all of this to be able to participate in match making. She did it BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO BE WITH FITZ. She didn’t tell him because she was horrified it would ruin her relationship with him. She never liked the concept of it before but she did it for HIM.

And as much as I hate to admit Fitz did try to make their relationship work too. Am I upset he went in a different direction about it? Yes I am. But my own emotions don’t change the fact that he DID TRY. He wanted them to be together that’s he offered to help Sophie find out her parents. He even gave a positive or “well Mr forkle can’t keep it a secret forever”. He was making up his own plans so Sophie could do match making. He kept pushing Match making onto Sophie because he WANTED to be with her. Does it suck that he couldn’t be with her because of Match making is a need for him? Absolutely. But he did try. He tried to get her to talk to him. He tried to see her point of view even if he disagreed severely.

But I think in their last argument something pieced together. No matter how badly they wanted their relationship to work something always pushed them away. They liked each other but it was too hard to be together. They’re so similar but so different. It’s why I always appreciated their relationship because it was REAL. It was messy and complicated. It was the main reason that I theorized that it didn’t matter what happened. They were destined to break up. It’s not because they don’t care enough about one another. It’s because THEY DO but not in the way that connects them. They want each other to be happy. They CARE about each other but I think they know that no matter how many amends they made. No matter how many compromises they gave one another it would still mess things up and make them argue. It took me a while to appreciate and see the beauty of their dynamic. They’re like star crossed lovers. A couple who wants to be together so badly but their relationship is doomed by fate.

They knew their relationship was done before it started and you can see it when both Sophie and Fitz found out about the unmatchable status.

[mrs-prentiss]

Mellies Scandal

Summary : We all know and love Fitz and Olivia’s affair and quarrel. However most of us wanted some sort of justice for Mellie, and one person in particular had every idea to give Mellie just that.

•••••••••••••••••

‼️Warning : Cursing - Light Violence ‼️

Authors Note : I know we all hate when people put their Ocs in a tag for “X reader” but since there is no “Mellie x Reader” fics I am going to put this there to help boost it and find people. If it goes well I will make “x Reader” for Mellie Grant! Until then enjoy! It’s short for now the next ones will be longer

————————

• Nicknames •

Eleanor Prentiss ( Nellie or El sometimes Flo)

Melody Grant ( Mellie or Mells)

Olivia Pope (Liv)

Fitzgerald Grant (Fitz or Fizzy)

••••••••

We all know FitzGerald Grant and we all know the lovely Olivia pope. Who doesn’t love this pairing? Mellie of course and the infamous little sister of Fitz, Eleanor Florence Prentiss. Eleanor is the younger sister to Fitz, she’s the Chief of the FBI office in Washington. She’s married and sort of separated from her lovely wife…sort of ex wife Emily Prentiss who is also working in the Washington office with her.

Eleanor was notorious for flirting with Mellie, who wouldn’t? She was completely and utterly infatuated with the woman and she couldn’t keep her eyes off of her. Something about Mellie just sparked and lit fire works inside of Eleanor. She was always in Mellies corner, despite being the Presidents sister she was a Mellie supporter til the day she died. So upon hearing about her brother affair she was one of the first people inside of the Oval office after getting several calls for her to come there “Melody sweetheart you look beautiful as always. Fitzgerald you look like a fool and so does your common whore here” she said loudly as she walked into the office kicking the door shut behind her.

She stood beside Mellie who sat on the couch and arched an eyebrow at the mistresses in front of her “Is there a reason i’m here? I’m a busy woman I don’t have time to come gossip about your recent screw up” there it was that agitating voice she hated the sound of her voice. She knew Of Olivia Pope they’d cross paths plenty of time and every time Olivia got in her way she had blackmail and the government knees deep on her side “I called you here. We need your help and you weren’t answering his calls”

Eleanor turned to the right slightly and smiled with a low chuckle following past it “You don’t not beckon me anywhere. You don’t ask for my help, as far as i’m concerned nothing at all is stopping me from kicking your ass Olivia. You tell your team to stop ringing my lines i’m busy i don’t have the time to play phone tag” she placed a hand on Mellies shoulder gently squeezing it and giving her a give glance with an apologetic smile and soft eyes. She sympathized and she wanted nothing more then to give Mellie everything she wanted, but it wasn’t an easy task.

Mellie would be lying if she told herself the way Eleanor looked at her and touched her simply didn’t just send a tense feeling down to her core. She picked the wrong Grant that was for sure and she didn’t know what to do from now “I told you it was a bad idea Fitz. Eleanor is working and she hated this as much as I do. You should know that.” Mellie tried to reason with her husband on her sister in laws behalf. He wasn’t listening though and neither was Olivia they’d both decided for Mellie that they would all convince Eleanor.

“Mellie we need her to help us. She has resources and connections we don’t. We all agreed to this” Olivia expressed in a broad tone. Eleanor for one didn’t agree with her brother running for president she hated the idea but she was also a good sister who would support what he wanted even if she didn’t like it “Hey Olivia? Shut the fuck up and let her speak. God do you deal with this every day Melody? This is ridiculous. If i’m helping any of you this piggy backing to defend each other shit is stopping now.” Eleanor snapped at both Fitz and Olivia pointing at the with the hand she took off Mellies shoulder.

Fitz took a sharp breath and groaned loudly “SERIOUSLY NELLIE! You can’t behave for five minutes and play nice! Olivia hasn’t done anything and you’re already insulting her. We need your help! I need your help, my presidency depends on it” he exhausted said in a sharp tone to his sister. Fitz and Eleanor don’t yell at each other and they don’t fight, so the room was so quiet at the moment you could hear a pin drop. Eleanor smirked slightly and set her bag and keys down beside Mellie sending her a wink before she moved past the couch.

A loud slap echoed through the Oval office and left Fitz with his head snapped sideways and Eleanor shaking her hand off as she lowered it “Do not ever raise your voice at me again. You two have done everything wrong, you have ruined her life. Just so you know Fizzy i’m not here for you, i’m here for Mellie. You want my help you find a way to speak to me because next time i’ll make sure you hit the floor and you know I will” as her brother mumbled an apology to his sister rubbing his cheek as he lifted his head to look at her she started speaking again “I’ll talk to Emily. I’ll see what we can do okay? Until then you two don’t go making this harder for me to clean up”

“Wait; you’re still with her? You told me you two got divorce Eleanor. Are you guys still married?” Mellies confusion and jealous was obvious to Eleanor just by the look in her eyes which made her shift in her spot as the first lady stood up with her eyes challenging Eleanor. Eleanor fumbled over her words for a second before she scrunched her nose as she spoke and relaxed it “No…yes? I don’t know we’re— It’s complicated. It doesn’t matter. What matters is i’m fixing this mess and i’ll be here tomorrow and the rest of the week to help” she grabbed her bag and keys from the couch, mouthing an i’m sorry to Mellie before she made her way to the door “and..when i come back Olivia you better be here and on a short leash i know how you get when you get power hungry” she pointedly spoke. She waved goodbye to the secretary and made her way through the white house halls calling Emily to figure out how the hell she’d clean this up.

[famousinfamous]

ok that’s it I’ve seen so much Alden slander and Alden defenders and I’m about to pinch the next person who says ‘he’s a good parent’ or ‘he’s a horrible person’ like I swear. Look ok Alden sent not one but two of his children to the forbidden cities alone. It sounds like alvar was old enough that he’d be mostly ok but Fitz? He would stand in the same spot for one to two hours just watching some random girl and while so much of the fandom over exaggerates that making it sound like he’d be there for days or smth it’s still very dangerous especially for someone that young. In fact staying in the same spot is probably worse that moving around because that way no-one can tell if you’re being followed or watched. It’s still very dangerous and it’s a miracle he didn’t get kidnapped or smth. Secondly I think what literally everyone forgets is going to the forbidden cities is illegal, as in if you get caught you’ll probably be banished. And we’ve seen what the council does they’d probably have no qualms about banishing a 7 or 8 year old if they had years of incriminating evidence. What do you think would happen if Alden went to prison and Fitz got banished? Would Alden leave biana to start the search, because he knew how important it was? Would she agree not wanting to disappoint her father? Would she get caught to? Would the entire family be banished? Probably. Know you might be thinking after all that and countless other things that prove Alden is not responsible or even remotely well prepared for the position he’s in(that I will be making posts about by the way) why don’t I hate him? Because honestly, I get it. If you look at the way Alden puts his work before his family (whether that work is council provided or not) and the way he treats and raises his children almost as if he’s their mentor or teacher, rather than their father I think the answer becomes quite clear he doesn’t know how to raise a child or how to look after a family because he never wanted one. But before Fitz he was the golden child of the vacker family and everyone expected him to have kids and start a family and pass on his ‘pure genes’ as elves like to dub them. So he did. And now he has no idea what he’s doing. And I get that. Being shoved into a part you don’t want to play, that you don’t know how to play is so hard and it hurts when you see people getting hurt because of mistakes that you shouldn’t be making because you’re supposed to know what you’re doing but you don’t because people read you wrong and don’t understand that this isn’t what you were made for. And so to some it up: Alden was supposed to be the irresponsible yet cool single uncle who flies around in a private jet and tries to take you to see the titanic but your parents said no so he bought you a Lamborghini instead but society said no fuck you here have some meat sacks and handed him Alvar Fitz and Biana and now he doesn’t know how to un-fuck-them-up because god damn it Alden stop involving your children in illegal activities and treating them like your their your students or smth and everyone else could you stop shaming children for not reaching your ridiculously high expectations!

[oliversrarebooks]

Prompt: Fitz using his vampire mind control powers for the first time and perhaps having PTSD flashbacks to Lily brainwashing him.

It really isn't Lily that Fitz has PTSD flashbacks to - at least not primarily. Which means that instead of Fitz's first time using his powers, I decided to write about a somewhat later time when Fitz's fears plagued him...

Masterlist

September 1910

TW: mind control, blood drinking, PTSD, self-loathing, mentions of blood

It was a bad night even before the puppets showed up.

In fact, it was destined to be a bad night ever since Fitz had happened to glance at the calendar and realize that it was the anniversary of the day he'd been taken from Lex. He immediately tried to push that sordid knowledge from his mind, knowing that it would result in nothing but a lot of pointless anxiety. 

The thin scars lining his hands itched and ached regardless.

And that was before he realized that the act booked to go on before him was a fucking puppet show of all things. As he waited in the wings, peeking out the curtain, he watched as the near-life-size wooden puppets twitched and danced. 

He tried not to feel the strings tightening around his own wrists and neck, forcing sore, tired limbs to move against his will. He tried to fight the urge for his own feet to twitch in uncontrollable rhythm. He tried not to hear the cruel whisper in his ear, pouring cold terror into his unresisting mind as his Master listed every trivial mistake.

One of the puppets was a ballerina, twirling in a graceful pirouette. Some of his fellow thralls had been ballerinas, too, delicate feet bleeding on the dance floor.

A sick dizziness washed over him. He felt detached from reality as he fought the urge to sink to his knees and grovel to his Master for a leniency that was rarely granted. The words were bubbling up in his rapidly tightening throat as he swayed and gripped a curtain to remain upright.

"Mr. Fitz?"

"Master," he murmured. "Master, please, I'm trying --"

"Mr. Fitz, hey. Are you okay, mate?"

The stage fell back into place around Fitz as he snapped out of the self-inflicted trance he'd been in. One of the stagehands, a scrawny boy of no more than nineteen, was pulling on his sleeve. "You look pale as the dead, mister," he said, with innocent concern. "Are you all right? You're going to need to go on in a few."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he said, mustering up a smile that he was sure looked ghastly. The show needed to go on, after all.

---

Fitz somehow managed to hold himself together for an entire act. From the audience's delighted reaction, they didn't suspect a thing wrong. They couldn't hear the whispered memories tugging at Fitz's mind every time his focus slipped an inch, and thank the devil for that.

He slouched in his dressing room chair. What the hell was wrong with him? He had no reason to be so irrationally frightened of a threat that was an ocean away and several years removed. This time, when he criticized himself, it was his own voice and not the Maestro's --

Pull it together. God, you're fucking useless. Getting turned didn't cure you of that, now did it?

There was a soft knock on the door. "Come in," said Fitz, putting his smile back on, happy to have any distraction from his own wretched thoughts.

A young man in a stylish blue suit slipped in the doorway. He had big, dark eyes, the kind you could lose yourself in, and a gentle smile. A handsome man, one of Fitz's favorite sorts of distraction.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Fitz," said the young man. "My name is Charlie, and I'm a big fan of magic. I really enjoyed your act this evening, and the stagehand told me I could come backstage to meet you."

Bless the innocent stagehand and his excellent instincts. Not only was the man handsome, but he also smelled like a treat. A bit of blood would do wonders for healing his addled mind. 

"Yes, of course. Excellent taste!" said Fitz with a grin and a wink. "Have a seat. I appreciate the company, especially from a fan like yourself."

Fitz turned his vampiric charm on a low hum, not enough to exert any real control, just enough to set the man at ease and draw him in. He'd been a natural at it right off the bat, as soon as he'd recovered from the turning and the injuries inflicted upon him. He could already see the relaxed smile spreading across Charlie's face, the way he leaned in closer to Fitz as he sat.

"Can I ask how you do any of your tricks, or do you never reveal your secrets?" Charlie asked. "Especially the one with the two chairs."

"Oh, it's a secret," said Fitz, leaning in closer himself. "I can give you a hint -- only one of the chairs has a real back to it."

"Oh yeah?" 

"Mmmhmm. What else did you like about my act? I'm always eager to hear some praise, you know."

"I liked the part with the fishtanks. It was very suspenseful. And the bit where you escaped the handcuffs..." Charlie's eyes were going a little glassy. Perfect.

Fitz reached in and touched the man's hair, meeting with no resistance. Such an easy mark. "Very good," he said, physical contact allowing him to weave his real power around the man's mind, soothing him and promoting feelings of blissful pleasure.

"Very good," Charlie agreed, slowly nodding, losing himself in it already.

Fitz's treacherous, anxious mind supplied him with a vision a backstage dressing room years ago, the one where Lily had mesmerized him and sealed his fate. How it had felt to be helpless against a vampire's power.

Annoyed, he pushed it aside. This wasn't like that. He was the vampire now and he was fully in control. He wasn't packing this man off to one of those nasty auction houses, he was just taking a little taste. Charlie clearly had plenty of blood he wouldn't miss.

"Tell me, Charlie," Fitz said with a wicked grin that he knew would make his fangs obvious. "If you're such a devoted fan, would you mind parting with a bit of your blood? Just enough for a little snack, nothing that will do you any harm."

There was only the briefest of resistance before Charlie's head bobbed in an eager nod. "Sure, Mr. Fitz, that'd be just... perfect..."

Perfect.

The word rang through Fitz's head.

I'm trying! I'm trying, Master, please, I'm trying!

If you were actually trying, it would be perfect.

The puppet string tightened around his neck, his old scars feeling like they were on fire.

"No," he whispered, pushing the stranger away and falling to the floor, his stool overturning. "No, no, please, Master, I can't do it any more, I can't -- "

The stranger blinked and looked down at Fitz in confusion. "Are you all right? There might be something in the air here, I was feeling so strange --"

"Go," said Fitz, pushing the stranger away with the same force he'd used to draw him closer. "Leave me!"

The stranger couldn't scramble out of the dressing room fast enough, leaving Fitz to curl up in a miserable, pathetic heap on the floor, cowering before a Master that only existed in his head. He could feel the dank chill of the Maestro's practice room, the scrapes on his knees as he groveled on the floor, the sharp cuts where the fine, cruel silver knife had marred his skin --

Feeling desperate and pitiful, there was only a brief argument in his mind before he relented and sought out Lex. His mind traversed the familiar connection between sire and sireling, the one Lex was so careful never to abuse. Fitz hated leaning on his old love to soothe his troubled mind, but on a really bad night like this --

The connection was always weak from the sireling's end, so all he could send was feelings and vague impressions. Puppets. Knives. Fear.

The response was immediate. Are you okay? What's happening? Didn't you have a show tonight?

Fitz swallowed and tried to convey that he was fine in the practical sense, just having terrible waking nightmares.

He was rewarded when his mind was flooded with a cool, soothing calm, washing away his fear and pain. His muscles unclenched. His shaking subsided. He was able to sit up, leaning against the wall, drinking in the comfort Lex was providing him from afar.

He hated to do it. After all, this situation was largely his fault, no matter how much Lex tried to convince him it wasn't. He should be the one comforting his love. But he was weak. Even as a vampire, he was so fucking weak.

Masterlist

@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin @whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps @amusedmuralist @snakebites-and-ink @xx-adam-xx @ivycloak @irregular-book @whumpsoda @mj-or-say10 @pokemaniacgemini @whumpshaped @whumpsday @morning-star-whump @shinyotachi @silly-scroimblo-skrunkl @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @pirefyrelight @theauthorintraining-blog @whump-me-all-night-long @anonfromcanada @typewrittenfangs @tessellated-sunl1ght @cleverinsidejoke @abirbable

[the-way-astray]

im sure youre bored with asks about your rant, sorry. but i can't wait to see you tear into unlocked, HIS POV

he sucks so much and the fact that people read his thoughts and still like and love him is crazyy to me

i'm not bored at all, anon! i like it when people talk to me about my rant.

i actually started my unlocked novella rant! fun fact: that's actually the reason i posted only the first eight books separately. i was originally going to wait and post the entire thing after unraveled's release, and i got through the first eight books at a reasonable pace, so i started the unlocked novella thinking i'd get through it even faster because it's only sixteen chapters, right? but no. i was so wrong. it was just so. much. too much. like i'm not kidding when i say i had something to say about keefe like every paragraph of that novella. it was overwhelming as shit and slowing me way down because i couldn't even get through a page of his pov without writing down like a page of rant material.

eventually i stopped because i decided i needed to lay some ground rules about what not to include to make sure that i wasn't just saying effectively the same thing over and over again and running it into the ground. but then, i was also like, but isn't the point of this format of rant to include all of keefe's worst moments and aren't i taking away from that by cutting stuff out, even if it's repetitive? and i didn't know how to resolve that, so my solution was just. do it later. and then i put it down and never got back to it. so that's how much stuff i have to say about keefe in unlocked, lmfao.

he does suck indeed (in my opinion)! it's insane to me, too. i can honestly say i have no clue how people manage to still like him, but then again, he is a fictional character, not a real person, and sometimes likable qualities or a well-written character arc aren't as important to people as relatability, and i'm sure there are many people that relate to him or his trauma.

anyway because you seem eager, have a few excerpts from my unlocked novella rant. just for you, anon:

“[ . . . ] Keefe could feel Fitz’s sour guilt swirling through the air.” (555) Not only was Fitz actively trying to help Keefe feel better, but he also felt bad about reading Keefe’s mind to do it. Keefe had no good intentions with his comment about Sophie and Fitz’s breakup (he literally just did it to rile Fitz up), and didn’t even feel sorry about it afterward. So why do I never see people talking about that, whereas Fitz is questioned for his actions here?

“‘[ . . . ] because you end up making the damage permanent.’ ‘I’m not damaged—’ ‘You’re right. That was the wrong word.’” (556) What the heck??? This always pisses me off so much every time I read it. Keefe purposefully twists Fitz’s words to make it seem like he said something he wasn’t. He made it seem as if Fitz was launching a personal attack on him for his new abilities, where Fitz was simply stating that Keefe would end up with permanent physical damage if he didn’t take his medicine and rest. Just for reference, Sophie said the exact same thing to Keefe in Nightfall and he didn’t immediately accuse her of personally attacking him. So there are some double standards there. But then. Fitz actually coddles Keefe and says that he was right, and claims that he used the “wrong word”. Wow. I- The way everyone in this series just bends to Keefe’s will however little or much sense it makes infuriates me. What the heck, Keefe. Grow a fucking spine. It’s just a word. Why does he have to complain and whine about everything all the time???

“[ . . . ] until Fitz had to go and prove that he was the worst best friend in the history of best friends by asking, ‘Okay, but . . . what about the mimicking?’” (560) He’s the worst best friend because he brought all the information to the table? Wow. And no, Fitz isn’t the worst best friend ever. Keefe is. He takes pleasure in seeing Fitz angry and sad. I can’t imagine a more subtly degrading and manipulative friend to have than Keefe.

“[ . . . ] Fitz told her—because he was begging for a face-punch. And if the world hasn’t gotten so spinny, Keefe might’ve given it to him [ . . . ]” (561) Fun fact, Keefe had an entire moral dilemma in Flashback over the fact that he feels like violence comes easier to him than most other elves. Sophie had to spend an entire forced consolation scene basically lathering him up because he has no fucking spine. So here’s an inconsistency with Keefe’s character right here. He should’ve felt really freaked out by this thought right here because it’s an example of his “violent tendencies” coming out. But he doesn’t. He moves past it like it’s nothing. More proof that Keefe never actually worried about that and Shannon just needed something for Sophie to comfort Keefe over. It never actually amounts to anything of actual value with regards to his arc or story. 

“‘Uh, for the record, most of the emotions are coming from you, Fitzy. You wouldn’t happen to have some unresolved feelings for anyone in this room, would you?’” (561) Keefe continues to purposefully try to provoke Fitz and hurt him for no other reason than that he enjoys seeing his best friend in pain. Why can’t he keep his nose out of other people’s business? Why does he have to be so cruel? Why is Fitz still best friends with this pond scum? All he does is annoy, embarrass, and act cruel toward his supposed “friends”. Why do people like this guy??? He is so toxic, so subtly degrading, so deceptively manipulative, it blows my mind. Does he have something against treating people nicely or something?

“If Fitz’s grumpy resentment had been the only emotion churning around the room, Keefe would’ve let him stand there and stew in it—maybe even made another joke to amp it up. But Foster’s feelings were such a brutal mix of hurt, heartache, and humiliation that he had to mumble, 'Sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I just meant—’” (562) What an upstanding guy. What an awesome best friend. When I purposefully say something cruel to make my best friend feel bad, he can take it. But when my crush feels bad? However will she like me if I’m mean to her? It’s just another example of Keefe’s tendency to be cruel for no reason, as well as his obsession with Sophie. He knew he made Fitz feel bad, but he actually considered making it worse. Wow. And “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded” is just a straight-up lie. He meant it to be cruel, and that’s what it came out as. So in case you think Sophie and Keefe’s relationship is built on any sort of trust or mutual comfort, think again. He just tried to gaslight her. Again.

[blushedfawn]

JUST FINISHED GOLDEN FOOL AND HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS:

SPOILERS AHEAD

okay so ... i didn't like this one as much as the first but I still loved it which says nothing because I love them all

-Fitz absolutely infuriating but comes around in a beautiful way to Thick and Dutiful. The ragtag coterie really was the bright spot on this book and it was masterfully written. His death was SCARY even though Ive already seen him die twice, im telling you every time I'm still scared and emotional because the stakes get higher and higher even knowing he's obviously going to survive.

-Fool/Beloved oh my goodness be still my heart I'm so worried I'm so SCARED of what's to come. The Pale lady scared the fuck out of me and knowing she's tatooing kids is like..girl go to hell I'm NOT READY for them to face her, I fear Robin is going to write her most devastating torturous scenes yet. Him saying it's his turn to die I am DISTRAUGHT ALREADY. I also wonder if him being "a white" has something to do with how the sea serpents describe themselves in colors like that....much to think about.

-yasssssss Liveships crew spotted!! that was SOOOOO FUN!!! I WOKE UP on that! Malta losing two babies and Althea pregnant omfg the updates!! the info!! JEK!! AAAAA FUN FUN (SAD) BUT FUN

-I'm really interested to see how the dragons play out, Fitz clearly has some kind of tie to them and they clearly have some kind of time to whatever's going on with the white prophet and the pale lady, AND icefyre. She hears Fitz and even spoke to him on the island like something is going on but I can't figure it out yet.

-Jinna and Starling both pissed me off so bad and I know Fitz has forgiven her so I GUESS starling is okay, but JINNA??!!? that betrayal hurt me BADDDDD. the book hinted at it and I just like Fitz chose to ignore it even as the wound was festering and I LOVE that Robin an write in a way that we really are in his shoes

-Hap..... yeah, anyway.

-Possibly controversial but the old blood/piebald situation is actually annoying now. wrap it up.

-Kettricken you are THE IT GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!! STEP!! YES GURL!!!

-Chade was consistently pissing me off. He's an old crotchety man who thirsts for more life beyond what he's supposed to have and DAMMIT I UNDERSTAND HIM FULLY. he too was a bastard that was sent to live in the walls, basically never getting to really reach his full potential and then here comes a chance that he felt was wrongfully taken from him and he's relishing in it. he's dead fucking wrong but I HEAR HIM.

-Ellianna is so interesting I really love her and hope she isn't evil because I genuinely love her fiery nature and I found the out Islanders to be super interesting and kinda scary

-Thick I love you. he is HILARIOUS and has so much heart to him. his backstory and life was so tragic, and I feel that his character has continued to grow. learning his needs, wants, and skills has been the most interesting part of this book

-Dutiful I love you endlessly you cutie patootie. He is also growing and fulfilling his role, figuring things out and I'm proud of how brave he is. love love love

AND THAT EPILOGUE!?!!?!!?? WH

[samwpmarleau]

fic: so it goes

whumptober day 4: hallucinations masterlist: tumblr, ao3 “I’m gonna kill him.” The declaration is more growl than speech. “I’m gonna fucking kill him.” (tag to 5x14 so you know. warnings for that.)

Everything hurts. Every bone in her body, every muscle, and her head feels like it’s going to explode. Fitz had been correct about the shortage of painkillers, if not about anything else. There’s nothing in the Lighthouse except some old ibuprofen, which does little to help either her headache or the throbbing in her neck.

She hasn’t slept for two days, not since the … surgery. She hasn’t been able to. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees The Doctor, then Fitz, then Fitz who decides The Doctor had the right idea.

She sees Jemma crying and Deke horrified, and the robots programmed to hold everyone at gunpoint. She hears the clatter of medical instruments and that brogue that once had been soothing. She feels screws slowly piercing her skin, a scalpel slicing her open, tweezers pulling, pulling, pulling, pulling. She feels her powers return, which gives her both a sense of normalcy (oh how she’s missed them) and utter terror (Earth, quaked apart). She manages to do what Fitz asked, put the gravitonium in the ball to close up the Fear Dimension, and she has an hourlong nosebleed from the concentration and pain.

Jemma offers to suture her. She refuses. She does it herself, or tries to. It’s not very pretty, but it’s functional. The Lighthouse has those, at least, medical supplies. Not just the bandages, but the instruments as well. Of course, Fitz wouldn’t have been dissuaded by a lack. He’d have used his pocket knife, scissors, a goddamn safety pin if he had to. All in the name of necessity.

If he’d just talked to her, explained —

Daisy swallows around a lump in her throat as what feels like never-ending tears well in her eyes. She’s sick and tired of crying, but she can’t help it. She’s exhausted and she hurts.

Jemma had wanted her to stay in the medical bay for longer, something Daisy had summarily rejected. The last thing she wanted was to be poked and prodded more, especially without anything to dull the sensations. She’d accepted a Gatorade for the electrolytes, then had drawn the line and retreated to her room.

She’s been in the dark since, even the low-wattage Lighthouse bulbs too bright. No meals either, she can’t imagine actually eating anything. Mack and Yo-Yo had attempted to visit; them, too, she’d turned away. She’s not in the mood to be felt sorry for, and she’s definitely not in the mood to have Fitz’s actions softened or explained. Granted, she doesn’t know that they would, but there’s the chance. A high chance in Mack’s case, given how close he and Fitz are. Were, she hopes yet cannot count on. Jemma’s out of the question, of course.

Thus here she’s lain, alone and aching and cold beneath the covers unable to find a comfortable position no matter what way she arranges herself.

She’s at her wits’ end. So, she tries the only other thing she can think of. While it’s not something she wants to resort to — surely it’s not mentally healthy — it’s worked before and she’s desperate. She also can’t say she hasn’t missed him, mirage or no.

She closes her eyes and lets her mind drift.

—

Someone raps on her door, urgent and immune to her requests then shouts to go away. She thinks at first that finally they’ve retreated, except then she shoots up in bed, startled, as the lock is broken and the door swings inward. Of all the people she expected, Robbie Reyes was not one of them, yet he stands, backlit from the hallway.

Her shock is such that she can’t manage to tell him to leave, something he takes as encouragement. He shuts the door behind him. The metal sizzles as he casually welds it to the frame, what with having ruined the lock.

Daisy’s voice is hoarse. “What are you doing here? I thought you were off killing your way through space.”

“I was. Then I sensed that something was wrong with you, the Rider jumped us here, and a very confused Agent Davis filled me in.”

“You sensed something was wrong? From another dimension?” she frowns. “How?”

The heavy chain Robbie wields with such precision releases a deafening clang as he unravels it and sets it on her cluttered table. He takes the liberty of pulling over a chair to her bedside. “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”

“No, what I mean is — you sensed me? Or the Fear Dimension?”

“What the hell is a Fear Dimension?”

“It’s … a long story.” Which leaves the other option, the one she doesn’t understand. “So, me, then.”

“That surprises you?”

“Uh, yeah, that surprises me. The Rider’s got to have better things to do than check up on me.”

“He does,” Robbie acknowledges, “but I don’t. Someone I care about is in trouble, I’m not gonna let that slide. Since I don’t have many of those and I’ve been doing what he wants, he made an exception.”

“And I’m one of those not-many?”

“Yeah, Daisy. You are.” His hand twitches as though to reach towards her, but ultimately it stays where it is. Though she can’t see his eyes very well in the feeble light that peeks through the crack beneath the door, she can feel their intensity. “Didn’t you know that?”

“You strolled through a portal with an evil book of magic, forgive me if I wasn’t holding my breath for you to come back anytime soon. Let alone for such a dumb reason.”

Robbie’s tone is quieter than usual. “A dumb reason?”

Daisy shakes her head. It’s too much. “You’re wasting your time. I bet there are plenty more scores for you to settle.”

Whatever had stopped Robbie before doesn’t now as he leans forward to touch her. His fingers are light, barely a whisper as he brushes them along her neck. Her shifting must have exposed the gauzed-over incision enough for him to notice. “I’m not wasting my time. What happened?”

Daisy shies away from him even though the wound has already started to scab, even though she knows he would never hurt her. Really, she should’ve let Jemma dress it when it was still fresh, avoid or minimize what is bound to scar, but she’d been rather pissed at the time, unable to look at even an extension of Fitz. She’s still rather pissed.

“It’s nothing. A scratch.”

“Doesn’t look like a scratch.” Noting her discomfort, he drapes her hair back over the wound, concealing it to the world, and traces her jawline instead. She shivers, and not from being cold. “Daisy, tell me.”

She doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to relive again what she already does every minute of every hour since it happened. But he’s earnest, and he’d crossed literal dimensions to get here —

And he’s the one person who’d met her before anyone else. Jemma, Yo-Yo, Mack, they’d all met her and Fitz at the same time, if not earlier. They love him dearly. They’re conflicted.

Not Robbie.

Robbie who had to be threatened to work with S.H.I.E.L.D., yet had bought bandages for her in the middle of a blackout. Who managed to send her a sign while trapped between two planes of existence. Who trusted her wholly with his brother, the thing most precious to him. Who had traveled here through an interdimensional portal from hell because somehow, he could sense her suffering.

No, Robbie would not go to the mat for Fitz — but he would for her.

Surrendering, she recounts everything. The future, Kasius, the Fear Dimension … the surgery. All of it. Robbie absorbs her words with little reaction, which with every passing word drives more and more apprehension into her heart. Had she been wrong in her assessment? If she can’t count on him, nor those she considered her friends, her family, who can she count on? Only herself. And if she’s the only one who has a problem with any of this, maybe she’s the one in the wrong. Maybe Fitz, The Doctor, the hybrid, was right and she’s overreacting —

Daisy startles at Robbie’s voice, as much by the suddenness as the response itself.

“I’m gonna kill him.” The declaration is more growl than speech. “I’m gonna fucking kill him.”

Daisy expects to see amber irises, the Rider’s bloodthirst poking through. She finds none. Robbie’s own dark brown is all that’s there; the bloodthirst is his. It’s unnerving and comforting all at once. More than that, it’s gratifying to a degree she hadn’t expected.

Something in her chest loosens. The fact that he’s ready and willing and able to murder someone for hurting her — someone he knows … She’d have been okay with perfunctory empathy, a pat on the shoulder. Not that she would ever ask Robbie to kill anyone, but the gesture, that she will take as-is.

She squeezes his tensed arm to keep him from marching down to the cells right this instant and turning Fitz into a pile of ashes. “No. No, don’t, just — stay with me. Please.”

He obeys with reluctance, and at her gentle tugging gets up from the chair to settle beside her on the bed. Satisfied that he won’t move, she slides down to lay her head on his lap. She burrows into the supernatural warmth that seeps into her bones. Which serves only to make her emotions float even nearer to the surface, for allowing Robbie to access his powers means that perhaps even Ghost Rider, an uncompromising demon whose moral scales permit brutality, is on her side. Even he has determined Fitz’s methods to be extortionate.

The sobs come at that realization, thick, heavy sobs that dampen Robbie’s jeans and smudge what’s left of her mascara. She holds onto him like a lifeline. Because that’s what he is, her only lifeline in an ocean of loneliness and pain. He eases off his jacket and covers her with it, enveloping her in his scent. She doesn’t know when that smoke-and-leather had become familiar, let alone calming, but somewhere along the line it had.

Robbie pulls her yet tighter to him, slowly soldering her broken pieces back together, and lets her cry until at long last she falls into welcome sleep.

—

He isn’t there when she wakes up. No warmth, no jacket. Her pieces are still scattered. She tries to sink back into the gilded dream that had seemed so real, desperately wanting to feel Robbie’s solace for a moment more. One moment, that’s all she asks.

It’s to no avail. He’s gone. He never was here to begin with. He’s in a hell of his own far away from hers, unreachable.

The tears come again. This time, there’s no one to dry them.

[alicepao13]

Hudson and Rex S02E10 - The French Connection

The episode from which I found out that there are some islands close to Canada that belong to France somehow. And apparently now there's also a crime show set in those islands?

From Wikipedia: Saint-Pierre is a Canadian police procedural television series, slated to premiere in the 2024–25 season on CBC Television. The series stars Alan Hawco as Donny "Fitz" Fitzpatrick, a police officer with the Royal Newfoundland Constabulary; after one of his investigations gets uncomfortably close to the corruption of a powerful local politician, he is exiled to the French territory of Saint-Pierre and Miquelon, where he partners with local police officer Geneviève "Arch" Archambault (Joséphine Jobert) to to solve local crimes.

Now, wait a second. That's about half the plot of this Hudson and Rex episode!

Anyway, on to the episode.

A girl carrying baguettes on a bicycle???

"I hope he's not some pretentious Godard-quoting chain smoker." Just once, look around before you speak.

I got you now, mister Black Coffee. That's more milk than what I put in my latte.

We've already established some of the most popular stereotypes for French and Canadian people. Valerie is already snobbish and Charlie has already apologized once.

While on duty?

Oh my god his face when the dude spits out the gin in the spit bucket lmao

I like many kinds of drinks but I admit that gin leaves me uninterested. I don't know what it is about it.

Well, hello there, Aaron Ashmore, twin brother of Shawn Ashmore. For anyone who doesn't know, this not the guy who's on The Rookie, but he is the guy who was on Killjoys, with Mayko Nguyen.

People keep handing Valerie drinks and Charlie keeps saying "we're on duty". Just give up.

Why does he look so happy to be digging through trash???

Claire just said that there's no law against lying to the police. What?

Valerie, when you doubt Charlie, it's funny. When you doubt Sarah and Rex, you sound like a twat.

Well, don't sound so proud about it.

"You're more comfortable with dogs than people". Probably, but that's because people are often twats.

Charlie's face is pure comedy in this episode. So funny.

Sarah gets to go undercover AND drink gin. Well, if we call that drinking.

She says "you guys" but only looks at Charlie. You're not even subtle.

Charlie: Oh, hell to the no. This is a trap.

Valerie is not wrong here. That's gross, not to mention unsanitary. He'd put so much milk in it that it must have gone bad by now. And judging by his reaction when he takes a sip, it probably has. Never drink coffee with dairy that's been left out for more than two hours, folks.

I only wish I could capture the following scene with Sarah and Jesse competing on who's going to deliver the new evidence that they have found out. But I think Sarah's "I'll fucking murder that twink" face is very telling.

Now, cognac, I like. Although, according to google, the most expensive cognac is Henri IV, not V. I'm sure they've written that intentionally. The real cognac is worth up to 2 million dollars, by the way. People are crazy.

Charlie does not understand any of this and to be honest, neither am I. Any bottle of wine that costs more than 20 Euros is a scam. Any clear alcohol like whiskey, gin, rum, vodka, that costs more than 50 Euros is also a scam.

"No CCTV cameras anywhere. You might say that it's the perfect place for murder". I don't remember a lot of cases outdoors that were solved by watching CCTV cameras either way. Which makes sense. I mean, how many CCTV cameras does a city like St. John's need?

This is such a funny episode, really.

We must do this at least once in any Rex adaptation. I bet it's in the contracts lol

Joe: *counts* One [Valerie], two [Charlie], *skips Jesse* three of you [Rex] are going on a trip. lol poor Jesse.

*tries to speak French and gets guns pointed at him* Come on, it wasn't that bad, was it? (Yes, I'd have put that line in there if I could.)

That's why he'll move soon!

The chase scene was good too.

Ugh, Valerie has her finger on the trigger. No.

Joe: "Can anyone explain to me why I was asked to comp a 300 dollar cognac bill?" Justice isn't cheap, Superintendent. Although for that many bottles... I mean, I can't find cognac that cheap here.

We had whiskey glasses in S1, what the hell happened?

Well, I enjoyed that. I didn't remember it was such a funny episode. And I maxed out the image limit again.