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if they found out hoid spent a whole novel as a coat rack:

kaladin, kelsier, ulaam: start laughing so hard they can't breathe, which is weird, because technically none of them need to breathe

jasnah: commiserates. she once spent an entire novel dead, after all.

navani: "hypothetically, how would one induce that state in a person? hypothetically, of course."

sigzil: points out that he probably deserved it. hoid is inclined to agree.

tress: upset that he suffered so much, but also baffled that he keeps getting into such weird situations

taravangian: pissed that that twink cannot be obliterated in any way, shape, or form

yumi and nikaro: "who?"

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sarah tries to reason with the murder-suicide guy, which is deranged behaviour. however romana is the murder-suicide guy so who can say really

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how do you feel about your very very niche dr who tumblr fame among all 10 of us who are super ill about this show. i see your posts screenshotted everywhere and I've heard like 3 other people say you're always on their dash when i spoke about one of your posts in a small dw discord server .so

my non-who posts also periodically blow up so i'm used to it at this point. really i am just one guy with a bad sense of humour and i do not want too much attention or infamy

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Kaladin discusses his life in Kharbranth with a friend, and deeply regrets it.

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if you have a popular post on this site inevitably people will tag it with something like “croggles to bringles when they lost the ploogie in ep 10” and it rules. i have no idea what you’re talking about but you’re right this IS so croggles to bringles when they lost the ploogie in episode 10.

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[#investing at 0 notes #because I am evil >:3]

the funniest thing ever is that i and all of my mutuals are in so many obscure fandoms that I will never breach containment. The most notes a post of mine will ever get is in the 100-200 range. I think the most notes I've ever had on a post was 800. I will never have a post go viral, no matter how hard I try. I am like an SCP trying to break the walls of my chamber but some fucking D-Class is jamming me back in with a broom yelling "STAY IN THE BOX." Lol. Lmao, even

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reblog and put in the tags the gayest thing you’ve ever done

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“She’s arrived!”

“Who has?” Kaladin said, as she dropped her pen, racing to the window.

“Have you been living under a rock, or something?” she said. “Princess Jasnah, of course!”

“The one who’s always going on about cartography?” Kaladin said. “I don’t see why she’s so special. I mean, they’re just maps.”

my favourite thing about this au is that the way the characters talk about jasnah and elhokar is absolutely nonsensical if you know anything about their canon selves

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2015? that wasnt even that long ago. it was only... [doing the math] ohhh. ohhh..... oh dear...

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Ranking the First Lines of Cosmere Books

By which I mean, apparently, "Ranking the First Lines of Cosmere Prologues" because they almost all have prologues! This means that Szeth will not be wearing white and Raoden will not be waking up doomed (even those were the examples in the post that inspired me), as those are the first lines of the novel proper. Perhaps I'll do that as a separate list one day. But for now, here are the first lines you encounter while reading and how I'd rank them!

#17: Mistborn: The Well of Ascension: "The army crept like a dark stain across the horizon."

I mean, it's fine. There's a nice little simile, and armies are somewhat exciting. But this line could come out of any book, so there's nothing particularly "Cosmere" about it. As such, it is my least favorite opening line.

#16: Elantris: "Elantris was beautiful, once."

Not the most exciting opening line, but it does shout out the book's title immediately, and it does leave the reader at least wanting to know what Elantris is and why it's so ugly now.

#15: Way of Kings: "Kalak rounded a rocky stone ridge and stumbled to a stop before the body of a dying thunderclast."

This is, like, a classic fantasy opening line. We have a named character, a fantasy thing that we as readers don't understand (thunderclast), and it's starting en media res. Not a bad opener.

#14: Oathbringer: "Eshonai had always told her sister that she was certain something wonderful lay over the next hill."

Like, by the time we get to Oathbringer, we know who Eshonai is, and we have reason to care about her. That makes for a more exciting opening, in my opinion.

#13: Rhythm of War Prologue: "Of course the Parshendi wanted to play their drums."

The "of course" lets you know immediately that this is in some character's voice, plus by this point in the series we as readers know what this prologue is going to be about. It really draws you right in.

#12: The Bands of Mourning: "'Telsin!' Waxillium hissed as he crept out of the training hut."

I think it really does help when we as readers know the characters. The opening line here immediately lets us know we're getting backstory, so it's interesting right away.

#11: Shadows of Self: "Waxillium Ladrian, lawman for hire, swung off his horse and turned to face the saloon."

If you're reading Mistborn Era 2, you're in it for the western vibe. Here, you can see that Sanderson is straight up embracing it. I feel like this opening makes you expect a fun read.

#10: The Alloy of Law: "Wax crept along the ragged fence in a crouch, his boots scraping the dry ground."

Yeah, the first three Mistborn Era 2 ones are in a row, because they're kinda all the same? We have Wax Doing a Thing. This is the opening line of the first book, and I think it's the best of the three just because it drops you right in the action before you know who Wax even is. Plus, I think it's funny that he's "Wax" here but "Waxillium" in the other two.

#9: Warbreaker: " 'It's funny,' Vasher thought, 'how many things begin with my getting thrown into prison.' "

I think this is a great en media res beginning, and such a Vasher moment too!

#8: The Lost Metal: "Wayne knew about beds."

Way up there just because it's SO unexpected as a way to start the fourth and final Mistborn Era 2 book. It's the only one to start with Wayne instead of Wax, and it just feels so nonsensical that I like it.

#7: Wind and Truth: "Gavilar Kholin was on the verge of immortality."

This one is good because it's the Book 4 prologue of the Stormlight Archive, and therefore this line is HILARIOUS.

#6: Mistborn: The Hero of Ages: "Marsh struggled to kill himself."

Yeouch. It's the third & final book of the trilogy, and this opening lines really makes it clear that the reader is not in for a bright and sunny book.

#5: Words of Radiance: "Jasnah Kholin pretended to enjoy the party, giving no indication that she intended to have one of the guests killed."

This is a great opening line. It's book two of the Stormlight Archive, and readers know who Jasnah is. I was very interested to see who Jasnah was going to kill...

#4: Mistborn: The Final Empire: "Ash fell from the sky."

I just really like this opening line. It's simple. It's bleak. It sets up the whole vibe of the trilogy.

#3: Tress of the Emerald Sea: "In the middle of the ocean, there was a girl who lived upon a rock."

It's the opening of a fairy tale, and it works so well for this book. Genuinely one of my favorite opening lines.

#2: The Sunlit Man: "Nomad woke up among the condemned."

Maybe it's telling that the three Secret Projects are my top three. But this is another banger of an opening line. We don't know who Nomad is at this moment, but we're right there with him. And it's short, simple, and packs a punch.

#1: Yumi and the Nightmare Painter: "The star was particularly bright when the nightmare painter started his rounds."

But this is my favorite opening line. I think it's the inherent allure of "nightmare painter" as a term. Sure, they turn out to be pest control essentially and Painter is not as cool as the name makes him sound...but man. What a great opening line. I was excited immediately.

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[ID: an image of Vislor Turlough holding a crystal, looking terrified. /end ID]

the whole black guardian trilogy is so good. it's just like doing normal doctor who stories but occasionally it cuts to Turlough on his knees speaking into his magic crystal like O master please spare my soul, I will kill the Doctor I just need a little more time to fulfill my dreadful vow and then the Black Guardian manifests like never!! never!! the torture of a thousand knives and scorpions be upon you for your insolence! and Turlough starts screaming and writhing on the floor of the TARDIS in agonies and then the music goes beeble beeble boop and it cuts to the Doctor being like hmm time to reverse a polarity i think

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once again: why do navani and jasnah act like coworkers

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[ID: a comic of someone drawing. They say, "haha I loveee drawing yaoi". From the doorway, they see two feet described as "the disembodied feet that do nothing but just stand there as if someone is standing there but no one is", and look alarmed. Then they look angry and yell, "Can you get the fuck out". /end ID]

experiencing hallucinations is nowhere near as interesting or intriguing as horror media hypes it up to be btw its mostly just annoying as fuck. like okay skinless body i see out of the corner of my vision you got me the first time but this shits gettin old pack it up......

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The tardis.fandom psychological profiles on each doctor will never not be funny because it really says things like

“He also tried to find a positive approach to life, even if it was a delusional one”

“I’m a deviation from his stagnant posture, the doctor would wring his hands together in a fidgety manner *proceeds to list the appearances of this which includes pretty much every tv story with five in*. he crossed his arms when sulking and was prone to dramatic turns, which usually caused his hair to sway wildly *again lists almost every five serial*”

“He once devoured a burger in a single mouthful”

“His liking of tea was so great that he allowed the UNIT tea lady unrestricted access to his private laboratory”

“While he usually acted like an eccentric gentleman, the eighth doctor also had moments of certifiable insanity and fitz kreiner worried the doctor was aware of his breakdowns, just unconcerned by them”

“By his own admission, the doctor had a ‘pink bunny slipper fetish’”

“It was during his sixth incarnation that the doctor began to see the logic in murder”

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I suspect you worry about the vulgar light in which this book is presenting a cherished historical icon, renowned as the most famous virgin who ever lived, but I would remind you that the popular assumption of complete chastity and purity is almost certainly ill founded—after all, he had a granddaughter.

->The Day of the Doctor (novelisation)

I always forget Looms aren’t like… main canon or whatever.

Also, the fact that it’s the Doctor themself writing this part—and referring to themself as “renowned as the most famous virgin who ever lived”—is so unbelievably funny when compared to the absolute avalanche of (often bad) gay sex my mutuals have convinced me the Doctor had been canonically been having prior to this regeneration.

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thinking about the ethics of prophecy and its role as a narrative tool of coercion and control again

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i find the bit in rhythm of war where jasnah laments about how frustrating it is that all her research has basically proven pointless because people who lived through the past have rolled up in modern roshar to tell everyone exactly how the recreance went very ironic because i get it, it's annoying when it turns out a life's work is wasted, but also you're a fucking historian. the past is talking to you and he uses reddit. pull your shit together and interview him on mourning rituals in second century azir! you come from the only field of study on roshar where you can literally just go up to an immortal insane guy and ask him why the shin worship stones!!! hold it over the scientists' heads for god's sake