#let's just say having terrible parents is bad for your ability to grow up normal about a LOT of stuff

[mekanikaltrifle]

It's all fun and games until you get fucking Christmas traumas. Like, what the fuck man. Most wonderful time of the year my ass

[helloprettybb]

captain idiot

i found this in my drafts mostly complete so i finished the end and changed a little of the beginning. so if it seems a little rough, that’s because it is.

pairing: steve rogers x reader

description: steve is bad with feelings...

warnings: general angst but happy ending, cursing i think

word count: 2.4k

It’s the day you’ve dreamed about since you joined the Avengers and you’ve never wanted it to end quicker. It was actually a good day and when Steve told you he wanted to talk alone, you thought it would be even better.

You were worried you were reading into the quick touches or lingering gazes too much. But this basically confirmed he felt the same. Oh, how ignorant you were.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” you ask, trying to contain your excitement. You bite the inside of your lip to prevent the giddy smile from forming. Sitting beside him in the common room, you force your leg still as you wait for him to speak.

You’ve had a massive crush on Steve ever since you joined the team. Actually, you liked him even before that, when you saw him on TV for the first time. You were only sixteen at the time, but seeing people like you saving New York inspired you. All of your life, you’ve been ostracized and cast out for your abilities. While your parents tried to be supportive, they still held some fear. You don’t blame them, especially after you accidentally split the house in half with a tree.

You were only seventeen when you first met Fury. He offered a position on the team. You wanted to attend college, so you declined, but you kept in touch. After graduating from university three years later, you decided to join the team. Tensions between the team were high as Steve, Natasha and Sam just rejoined the team and the Accords were dropped. But gradually, strain eased and the team seemed back to normal. Tony started talking to Steve and Bucky even joined the group. Everyone lived in harmony, until today.

“I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just be blunt.” Steve states his intense eye contact piercing into your soul. “I like you. More than just a friend.”

You try to remain calm, but you can feel the childish joy rise in your chest. Steadying your tone, you reply, “I like you, too.” For some reason, Steve doesn’t smile but looks more serious.

He sighs and asserts, “I was afraid you’d say that.” Your small smile immediately drops.

“What?” you ask, filled with confusion. He just confessed that he liked you, yet he doesn’t want you to like him back.

Steve sighs and explains, “Look, I really like you, but we can’t be together.”

Knitting your eyebrows together, you ask, “Why not?” Anger’s rising in your voice and you’re grateful it isn’t sadness. You don’t want Steve to know how much he hurt you.

“_______, I’m over a hundred years old.” Steve reasons. His serious demeanor drops and you’d feel sympathetic if you weren’t so angry. Behind Steve’s shoulder, you see vines emerge from the corner plant’s soil. Fuck.

“I’m twenty-four!” you exclaim.

“It’s not just that,” he says and you stand up, attempting to leave before destroying the compound.

Steve stands up and follows you out of the common room. You can’t outwalk Steve, so he’s barely behind you. You look down and see vines slowly sprouting through the floorboards. Steve doesn’t seem to notice as he continues, “If we broke up, it would affect working together.”

You try to tune out Steve’s voice in an attempt to calm yourself down, but the more he talks, the angrier you get. You finally reached the residential area, but unfortunately, your room is one of the farthest down the hall. “Steve, just leave me alone!” you exclaim, not even turning to face him.

Steve continues walking and pleads, “I’m sorry, _______. I just need you to understand why we can’t be together.”

You’re halfway down the hall and you bitterly reply, “Oh, I understand perfectly.” You keep walking, but you don’t hear Steve’s footsteps. At first, you think that he finally listened and decided to leave you alone, but looking down you see thick, green vines on the floor. Turning toward Steve for the first time, you see that his body is bound and the vines are constricting his body. A feeling of deja vu rushes over you. You’ve been here before and it didn’t end well. With a wave of your hand, you cause the vines to fall and release him. Before he could follow you anymore, you open your bedroom door and slam it shut.

-

“Steve, you need to talk to her.” Natasha picks up a drooping flower. “All the plants are dead.”

It’s been four days since the incident. You’ve barricaded yourself in your room, isolating yourself from everyone. Steve didn’t tell anyone, but when the plants started dying rapidly, people had some questions.

“What happened to the geraniums?” Bucky brings up the afternoon after the fight. The formerly bright pink geraniums look yellow and shriveled. Steve grips his fork tightly as his jaw clenches involuntarily. He could’ve sworn he saw Natasha give him the side-eye.

“Yeah and the weeping fig is looking a little sad, too.” Wanda points out. The once tall, healthy plant leans toward the ground and resembles its name. “Hey, has anyone seen _______?” Wanda adds. Everyone recounts their day and realizes they haven’t seen you at all. Steve keeps his head down to avoid any interrogation, but in a room full of enhanced beings and super-soldiers, it’s impossible.

“You’ve been awfully quiet, Steve.” Natasha states, implying that she knows more than she lets on.

“I haven’t seen her.” Steve says in his best captain for to cover his shiftiness. He stands from the table and subtly escapes the situation. As he leaves the kitchen, Steve could feel Natasha’s eyes burning into his back.

He reaches the residential area and he knows he should walk over to your room. In fact, he gets within five steps before ditching the idea altogether. Before he walks away, Steve takes one last glance at the door which is covered in dark, twisted vines, similar to the ones that nearly strangled him. Turning around, he walks back to his room and closes the door.

-

Everyone tries to talk to Steve, seeing as you aren’t leaving your room, but it proves futile when he starts to withdraw from the group, too.

“This is getting ridiculous,” Bucky says, pounding his coffee mug on the table during one breakfast that neither had you or Steve. Wanda jumps a little, startled by Bucky’s abrupt tone and hard hit on the table.

“I know, but what can we do about it?” Wanda questions.

“What can we do about it?” Bucky repeats, too much contempt in his voice for it being so early, “We can talk to him about it.”

“We already tried that,” Natasha speaks for the first time, her voice cool and collected, a sharp contrast to Bucky’s.

“Well, we can do it again! I’m sick of this. He’s been pining for her since she joined the team. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with him,” Bucky complains angrily.

“If it’s any consolation, _______ feels the same way.” Wanda chimes in. Bucky raises an eyebrow, wondering how she knows. Wanda explains, “Her thoughts are not very subtle during meetings.”

“So basically, they both like each other but aren’t together,” Natasha concludes, and Wanda and Bucky nod. “Then, let’s get them together.”

“You say that like it’s easy. But Steve is a stubborn son of a bitch.”

“Yeah and _______’s barricaded herself in her room.” Wanda chimes in.

“Fine, then we’ll talk to Steve.” Natasha states. When no one says anything, she starts, “So...” Taking a slow sip from her mug, she finishes, “Who’s going to talk to captain idiot?”

-

Steve hears a knock on his door. Head popping up from his paperwork, which he’s metaphorically and literally buried himself in for the past six days, he tells F.R.I.D.A.Y to tell whoever it is that he’s busy.

After F.R.I.D.A.Y relays the message, Steve hears “Bullshit.” He’d recognize that voice anywhere.

“Bucky?” he asks. Steve gets up and opens the door himself. “What are you doing here?”

“Are you serious, Steve?” Bucky asks. Steve stares dumbly back at him. Bucky glides past him and Steve steps aside. “Your room looks like shit,”

Steve rolls his eyes, “Did you come here just to insult my room?”

“No, I’m here to talk about _______.” Bucky says. Steve’s heart drops. He’s been tearing himself apart about the whole situation and the only times you don’t dominate his mind is when he’s working.

“I don’t want to talk about her.” Steve says plainly, although he knows it won’t stop Bucky.

“Don’t care. You need to grow the fuck up and see her.” Bucky says bluntly.

“Why?”

“Are you serious, Steve? She’s fucking heartbroken. Trapped in her room and you did this to her-”

“I didn’t mean to!” Steve argues back. Bucky stays silent, allowing Steve to continue. “I never wanted her to fall for me. I thought that if I confessed, she would reject me and let me move on. But when she reciprocated I didn’t know what to do.”

Bucky shakes his head, disappointed at his idiotic friend. “Well…” he sighs, “You gotta do something, man. She’s locked herself in the room and hasn’t come out in a week. We’re all concerned about her.”

Bucky waits for Steve to say something, but when he doesn’t, he simply shakes his head and leaves, muttering quietly.

Steve feels bad. Well, he feels more than bad. He feels fucking terrible. He never meant for it to be this… damaging. Steve thought that confessing would help himself but he never took into account your feelings. It seems he has to take Bucky’s advice and grow the fuck up.

-

There’s a light knock on your door for the first time in a week. You lift your head from your bed, which is now covered in crushed, dead leaves. “What do you want?” you call out.

“I want to talk,” It’s Steve.

“I don’t want to,” you reply.

“I know, so you don’t have to. Please, ______. Just listen to what I gotta say and you can ignore me for the rest of your life.” he pleads. You sigh, casually motioning toward the door and signaling a branch to open the door.

Steve walks in and sees you curled up in your bed with your back to him. He closes the door behind him and starts to speak, “I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough and definitely too late, but if you ignore everything I say, I just want you to know that I’m sorry.”

You don’t say anything so Steve takes it as a good sign. He continues, “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I care about you so much, but I was scared about what a relationship could mean. Not just because of the age difference or the power dynamic, but what it could mean for us. I don’t want to lose you.” He tried to be clear, but his scattered brain turned his articulate speech into a jumble of excuses.

“______?” he moves toward you and when no branches try to stop him, he continues. He reaches your bed and becomes concerned that you’re not speaking.. “Doll, talk to me please.”

You turn toward him and his heart breaks at the sight. Your eyes are red and your cheeks are stained with tears. He instinctively pulls you into a hug and you just about fall into him. You sob into his chest and he doesn’t say anything. Steve smoothes his hand up and down your back, trying to calm you down. It helps and your breathing starts to even out. When you feel like you’re able to speak, you move away to face him.

“I don’t know why I’m so upset, I just-” you try to speak but feel another wave of sadness his you. Steve brings you back to his chest and you cry some more.

“It’s okay, take your time.” Steve assures you. Fuck, you should be mad at him. But all your anger washes away as you let everything out.

Once you finish crying, you pull away to talk again. “There was this one guy in high school. I really liked him and I thought he liked me back.” You start and a warm feeling forms in your chest when you see that Steve is intently listening. “I told him how I felt and he said he felt the same. But then,” You start to get choked up again and Steve rubs your arm soothingly.

“But he said that he can’t be with me because I’m too dangerous. I guess he was right because, well I was furious. Steve,” You look at him with pleading eyes, “You gotta understand, I was barely 16 when this happened. I was just a kid.”

You start to ramble and Steve tells you, “_______, no matter what happened, I’ll still care about you. Promise, nothing can change how I feel about you,”

You let out a shaky breath, “When he got up to leave, some of my vines caught his leg. I could barely control this,” You gesture to your room of overgrown foliage. “Back then. Sowhen I tried to release him, more vines started to trap him. I’ll never forget him yelling. Begging me to stop, but I couldn’t, Steve. I couldn’t control my emotions and I couldn’t control my powers.”

Tears start streaming down your face again, “He was right, Steve. I was too dangerous. I’ll always be.”

He hugs you again before you could finish that thought. “No, no, no.” Steve whispers in your ear. “Honey, you’re not dangerous. He was wrong, _______.” He looks you in the eye. “You’ll never have to feel like that ever again.”

“Promise?” you ask weakly.

“I promise.” he says, “Nothing can make me stop loving you.”

[dreamcatcherjiah]

JAMAIS VU | TEASER 2

Namjoon & A-Young

Kim Moon-Jae - Two years old

He was born in September, just like his dad and Jungkook

Namjoon had wanted to become a dad so bad, he seamlessly welcomed his role and made it look easy, the way he took care of his little boy

Ever since he was a newborn, Namjoon would take him to the studio and put him to sleep in his little Moses basket while he worked 

it wasn't long before Joon discovered he liked Mono and he tended to leave his phone next to his song with the playlist playing while he worked on something else

Jungkook dotes on the boy 

literally won’t put him down

from the day he was born, JK would just look at him while he slept with his big doe eyes, he sometimes sings to the baby too

Moon-Jae is a very calm baby, even in his terrible twos

he’s happy with just sitting with his toys and looking at his mom while she moves around the house

he started babbling when he was barely six months old

when he said his first word, A-Young was busy with Jimin and Tae’s sons and he screamed EOMMA at the top of his little lungs

we could say he is a bit of a mom and dad boy

he loves laying in Namjoon’s chest while he reads his bedtime story

(most of the time they both fall asleep together and A-Young finds them in the nursery chair knocked out)

He’s the closest in age to Chimae and Sangwoo, but he’s a little jealous that his cousins can do things that he is not allowed because he’s younger

he can drink from a glass, the baby cup is for BABIES

so he just gravitates towards Nabi, Sangwoo’s older sister

Jin & Yura

Kim Yoojin & Kim Yoosun (Twins) - Seven years old

after saying time and time again that they were okay with only one child twins came along

Jin would be lying if he said he wasn't thrilled but it was scary at first

he was the first one of the seven to become a dad, to twins no less, might scare everyone

but when his baby girl Yoojin was born and, ten minutes later, he held his boy Yoosun, he just knew he would do anything for them 

they were born in the middle of August, much to Yura’s relief, if she had had to carry them for longer she would have cried

the boys loved how, since it was so hot that summer, Jin had them in their crib in diapers

Yoongi adored looking at them cuddle together and caress their little arms and tummies 

he loved their smooth baby skin

as they grew up, Yoosun became a really bright bean, a people’s little person while his sister became more like her mom, calm and with very intelligent eyes

they both love their parents equally but each one gravitates towards either Jin (Yoojin) or Yura (Yoosun)

since they’re the oldest of the bangtan babies, they like to take care of their small cousins

in their seven years of life, they have spent a total of a week apart and they don't want to try that again

like EVER

NEVER EVER AGAIN

Yoongi & Hyejin

Min Ara - Six months old

Yoongi and Hyejin waited a few years to try for a baby after they got married

then baby Are came along 

when they told the boys and their families they were pregnant a lot of people cried 

they had seen how deeply Yoongi loved all his nephews and nieces, how his face filled with adoration when he held them

they respected his and Hyejin’s wish to wait to start a family, but everyone wanted him to become a father deep down

Ara was born in January and his uncles Jimin, Hoseok and Namjoon, who only had boys, bought her the pinkiest fluffiest coats they could find

for a couple of months, the baby looked like she was drowning in pink furs 

now that she’s six months old, she sleeps through the night and she is just at that age where she doesn't understand when she has a sleepover with her cousins

Jin absolutely adores Ara

after his little-not-so-little Yoojin, Ara is the apple of his eye, and it is strange the day he doesn't visit Genius Lab too see his little niece

either that or he calls Hyejin non-stop when they have a schedule to coo at the baby

you would think Namjoon is not allowed to hold the baby, but nothing further from the truth

Yoongi trust him with his life when it comes to his daughter 

the first time she smiled, Joon was holding her to his chest and moving her little hand to say hi to her dad

Yoongi cried a little that day

Hoseok & Haneul

Jung Hyuk-Jae - Four years old

are we even surprised this boy is the happiest little boy on earth

he was born in November, a year after his parents got married

he was the first boy to be born after Yoosun and his cousin was so happy to finally be a hyung 

his eyes were always open, inquisitive and taking everything in the world in 

his mom loved strapping him to her chest and dance around the house while the two were alone, the baby moving his little legs and waving his little fists around

Hoseok would return home most days to a similar picture, feeling energised after a long day only by looking at them

Hyuk-Jae can't fall asleep without his parents caressing his chest and arms

(are we reminded of someone else)

when he feels tired, he nests into Hoseok’s chest and caresses his lips with his little finger, that’s how his dad knows he’s ready for bed

he loves drawing with his cousins, and loves teaching Moon-Jae all the letters that he has learnt in kindergarten 

when he grows up he wants Uncle Yoongi to show him how to make music and become a rapper just like his dad

when he comes from kinder, he doesn't let go of his mom for a little while, needing to spend a little quiet time so he’s ready to play with his dad when he comes home

Jimin & Kae-Hwa

Park Chimae - Three years old 

Chimae was born two weeks before Sangwoo, Tae’s son, in May

their wives tease them constantly about this, asking if they were so sneaky they planned to have children at the same time so they could be vmin 2.0

they deny it (even if they were so happy when they told each other they were having babies at the same time oooops)

Chimae is the sweetest little boy

he is just like his dad, all fluffy cheeks, smily eyes and the happiest giggle in the world

even if him and Sangwoo are not blood brothers, Jin likes to tease their fathers telling them that the babies are even closer than his twins

good luck separating them, boys

Chim ADORES his parents and his uncle Joon, always gravitating to them in a loud room, seeking comfort and warmth to cuddle

oh yeah, he’s a cuddle bug, doing that little thing, rubbing his cheek against his uncle Joon’s chest and nesting against him

he loves falling asleep between his mom and dad, holding one of their fingers in each tiny fist and feeling them close 

his mom loves to buy diminutive versions of Jimin’s outfits to have Chim dress like him 

they would both enter the studio hand in hand, sporting identical Chanel jumpers, jeans and Gucci sunglasses and no one would bat an eyelid

the poor thing has two left feet, but that doesn't stop him copying his dad’s moves to the best of his abilities

Taehyung & Iseul

Kim Nabi - Five years old

now, when Tae said he wanted a big family he wasn't joking 

he and his wife were pregnant within a month of their wedding 

Nabi was born in February, a few days after her uncle Hobi, which guaranteed huge birthday parties when she got old enough

she wanted a princesses-themed birthday party, uncle Hobi got her the dresses and was the first one there, dressed as Elsa from Frozen

she was a fussy baby, which didn't sit well with her mom, but her dad was there at all times

his insomnia actually got better once he matched his sleeping schedule with his baby’s

in a good night she would wake up maybe a couple of times, and there was Tae, bottle at the ready, singing lullabies for his little girl in his deep voice

in a bad night, well, let’s just say Tae was used to functioning on little to no sleep

even if she is the closest with Yoojin, her best friend is her cousin Nari

she insists it was fate (not her mom’s intentional choosing) that their names match so well

she has always had a soft spot for Moon-Jae and you can often find them both playing together when Chimae and Sangwoo run off somewhere to stir trouble

Kim Sangwoo - Three years old

two years after Nabi was born, just when she was starting to pick up a normal sleeping schedule, Iseul found out she was pregnant with Sangwoo

she was expecting another difficult baby and she couldn't be happier to have been wrong (at the beginning, lol)

he was quiet and happy

he loved just lying there between his sister and Chimae, babbling away 

The two boys seemed stuck at the hip, if you so much as lifted one to change his diaper, the other would scream his little lungs out

then he started crawling and OH BOY

he found out that he could see Chimae from his dad phone in the screen so he started sneakily trying to find it to call his best friend... he was only eighteen months old

where Chimae was calm, Sangwoo compensated being an active little firecracker

if you wanted to know where the two were, you just had to wait until Chimae pulled your jean leg because he thought Sangwoo was doing something dangerous

most times those dangerous things were stealing cookies from the kitchen cabinet, but our Chimae here is an innocent little angel

Jungkook & Mi-Hi

Jeon Jina - newborn

Jungkook and Mi-Hi were still young when they got married, so it made sense to wait 

besides, if an occasional burst of baby fever struck, either one of them could just call any of the other parents and offer to babysit

it stayed like that for almost six years, both Kookie and Mi-Hi being the fun aunt and uncle who bought the children candy, took them on fun rides to the park or to the beach

they were each child’s first time on Disneyland

well, it lasted until Namjoon and A-Young had Moon-Jae

Jungkook went mental for the child, he wouldn't know how to explain what went through him, but he just couldn't put the baby down

he loved all his nieces and nephews equally, but just looking at his hyung’s baby moon...

he would come home only talking about babies, showing Mi-Hi the countless pictures he had taken of Moon-Jae

she would sense that characteristic baby smell in his clothes when she hugged him

it reached a point when both of them sat down and admitted to each other how badly they wanted to start a family

it took them a while, but after nearly a year and a half, they were happily announcing they were expecting a little girl

Jina, being the youngest of the family, has everyone wrapped around her little finger

it would be difficult to tell which of her uncles is more whipped for her, Hoseok going so far as to admitting to JK that after spending so much time with the little girl, he wanted to talk to Haneul about trying for a girl

it is still way too soon to tell who she takes after, but what’s for sure is that she got her dad’s doe eyes

Permanent taglist: @preciouschimine​ @forget-me-notforever​ @annywaa​ @alpacaparkaseok @bangtan-madi 

[dannyboyzone]

Why these Lookism Bad Guys are liked, a rant by me

Alright, so I have came across a post talking about how Johan is hated on despite being a "bad person", and trashing other characters for absolutely no reason other than guilt tripping people. I personally think the post is immature, but due to my own personality and mental state, it has still got me kind of pressed, because it all sounds ridiculous. This post will be about some people in Lookism that are viewed as a bad people and or are hated on, and why I think they are liked. I won't speak for everybody liking these characters, and it will include some characters that I hate. This post is just to give a general idea for people who are really ignorant about why some characters might receive love. You might have come across that post, and if not, I am talking about this one below. - Well, only a small part of it, that threw me off. -

I didn't include the person's username out of respect and also so they don't feel attacked or anything of the sort.

Before starting this off, there are a few things I would like to say. If I sound petty, I truly don't care. I never saw anybody hating on Johan, at max maybe give criticism, I also don't hate Johan or try to disvalidate anyone's feelings, just get some things straight. Liking someone's looks does not immediately mean you are attracted to them, neither does liking the person's look you are attracted to mean you are toxic. It means you are loving. If you like someone's personality, you will find them beautiful consciously or subconsciously. If someone finds a character handsome, it is not a crime, people have types and preferences, and if they do it's none of your business. Hating good looking people doesn't make you woke, neither hating on people who are attracted to good looking people. What are you, Crystal Choi? And yes, people will be attracted to looks, it's a normal human act. People will notice if they find someone more attractive or unattractive which is not a bad thing. What is a bad thing when they start treating people different because of it. I assure you, most of the lookism fandom that I have came across doesn't do that.

This post will not include Seong Yohan because I never saw him get hated and I don't think nobody knows where he is coming from.

Samuel Seo

Yeah, so what seemed to be a surprise for me is that not a lot of people like Samuel, or at least understand why the people liking him would. Now, I personally feel no romantic attachment towards him. - Which is yes, normal, even if he is fictional. It's called fictophilia and I better see no judgement about it. - However, I do love Samuel a lot, and would love to care for him and grow a strong bond. To me, Samuel is not a monster. At all, believe me, Samuel isn't liked only for his looks. For me, personally, I love him so much because I can relate to him. I absolutely hated him at first, but grew to love him because he is human. He is complex, has a hard life and isn't perfect. That's exactly why I love him, and someone else I really adore does too. Yes sure, as you grow to like someone's personality, you find them handsome and or pretty. It's so much easier to say someone is pretty than to say, 'Hey, I love this person because they helped me go through so much.' Not everyone has the same love language, not everyone is comfortable with blunt affection. Besides, Samuel can and will achieve anything he wants. He has SO much sides to himself, not just 'good looking violent guy with big tits'. That's not Samuel at all. Besides, if PTJ oversexualises him, it's hard to not notice his body.

Yes sure, Samuel hits women, but I personally, don't f%cking care. Your vagina doesn't define if you deserve violence or not, your behaviour and the person's you face personality does. I am personally someone that doesn't mind violence as long as the person deserved it, because some scumbags in this world do. If they happen to be a woman, that's not on me, they shouldn't have done whatever they did. If you are not a violent person, I am not even sorry to tell you this, but you are probably sexist. It's not like all women are fragile and unable to get hit. Besides, if his violence is the problem, why is it fine that he hits men? Because men can handle it? According to statistics women have a higher pain tolerance. By your logic, you should call him out for hitting anyone in his way. Stop acting like hitting women is a necessarily bad thing, start saying that hitting innocent people is a bad thing.

If you must hate on him, maybe use the fact that he killed his abusive and neglective parents. Don't give a hard time to others for liking him though.

Ahn JongGun

Does Gun seem like a bad guy? Absolutely, he has done some horrible things. Then why do we like him? Because he seems to have a smaller character development coming, he has so many things to him and he is an absolutely incredible and complex character. I am very curious of his background and what caused him to be so violent and yet so calm. I like him because he allows himself to be human. From his religion, to his knowledge of material arts, to his adoration towards Vasco's material arts teacher - I forgot his name, so excuse me for that -, to his attention to details, to his fashion sense, it all makes him human. It's nice to see someone be a human, instead of just 'hot guy' or 'villain'. He is a nice character that brings many depth to the story. I could list a hundred of reasons why I love him, and no, none of it is his "weird" fashion sense. I do find him incredibly stylish, I just think some people in this fandom don't understand fashion. - Oops, I guess. - My main reason to liking him is that he is most likely either bisexual or pansexual. That he has a crush on Daniel. I might seem like I have a weird fetish or something, or that I am a crazy "fangirl". That's not the case though. I am a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and while not huge, I adore the hell out of the representation. It's nice to see such a smart, elegant and powerful guy be the representation. Because he is a character that's not there simply to be gay and full of stereotypes. Like, no hard feelings if you fit into stereotypes, but as a person who doesn't fit into them, it's a refreshing thing to see someone that's allowed to have many sides to himself other than just 'the gay friend'. Of course I am sure there are a lot of people who have many other reasons to love him, like his endless knowledge of material arts. There is so many reasons to be interested in his character, and just because you can't see it that doesn't mean others are blind to it too.

Yeah, he might have slept with countless women, but the main reason you can't count it is because he never stated the amount of women he slept with, neither did anyone else. Sure, he did say that Daniel is better than any women he ever slept with, but for all you know that could have been 3. Even if, it doesn't matter. He could have slept with 3, or 70 women. It doesn't matter, because not everyone's sexual life will reflect your own. And other people's sexual life is none of your business. Sure, you can say it's only fiction, and that I am overreacting, but when it comes to such small or personal details, people tend to put their own personal view into it. It's really not fine to shame others for their sexual life. As long as he uses protection, and didn't make anyone pregnant and doesn't play with the feelings of anyone, who gives a f%ck.

Some people tend to lash out sexually if they experience trauma or stress, and no, I don't mean they go and r%pe people, I mean that they go and have sex with different people who give consent. Even if he doesn't do it because of that, why does it bother you so much? Sex isn't a disgusting act. Some people like it, some people don't. Whatever their decision is, as long as no one is hurt, you should respect their decision.

Kim JoonGoo

Alright, this got me f%cked up. Goo is such a good character, and no way he would ever cheat on his S/O. He has morals and a lot of good sense in himself. Sure, he might have said that Samuel will be his secret friend, which led OP to believing Goo would cheat, but that's... a terrible reason, in my opinion. Gun knows that Samuel works for Goo, and Goo owns up it too. Besides that, nothing, absolutely nothing would lead to the fact that Goo would cheat. Because he wouldn't.

Now, why do I like Goo, and why some other's might like him too. He is such a well put together character, unpredictable yet so simple. He damages people to a point they have to retire, doesn't get scared of murderer, is a money maniac and hates his boss. You would think, he is dirty and fits the "gangster" stereotypes. That's not the case at all. He is more hygienic than most of the characters of lookism, if not the most hygienic one. He hates drinking and smoking, doesn't have tattoos - not that there is anything wrong with that - and is incredibly patient.

He might be a money maniac sure, but his ability to control money so well the way he does just shows how high his IQ is. I find that amusing, since it's something hard to do. What I completely love to the moon and back about Goo is his creativity.

When he gets into fights, he is patient and maybe let's himself get hit a few times. That's a good thing because he has time to learn about what he is facing. I think that's neat, because not a lot of people think about that during fights, and he taught me to do that. Also, the way he harms people is very creative too, no matter how harsh that sounds. He stabs people with chopsticks, kicks people with a glass piece stuck in his shoe and harms people with a katana. It's all so unpredictable yet fits him so well. I really love the way he fights and handles situations because it tells so much about him. Also, he is so fun, who would do karaoke after beating a bunch of guys unconscious? Only your one and only Kim JoonGoo. He is such a fun person to study and to read about.

So, no, I will not put up with the bullsh%t that he would cheat on his s/o, because he is a very respectful and none judgemental person. Just because his fights look violent to you, and his friendship with Gun unstable, that doesn't mean he is a bad person. It just means he is different from you, and yeah, he does f%cked up things, I won't deny that. That's exactly what makes him an interesting character.

Xiaolong

Now, I personally don't like Xiaolong that much, so this will not come from heart, but a place of logic. For a disclaimer, I am not caught up on the latest chapters, because I want to binge read it.

Now, even though I do not like Xiaolung, I can see why other people would.

He is a responsible person, who takes good care of himself even though he has to look after Vivi 24/7. He is not only good in his job, but takes it very seriously too. He isn't afraid to take action to make sure his job is going smoothly, and that everything is on it's place. He would do anything to protect Vivi, which can be appealing to some.

And from what I saw from spoilers, he is very strong. No, admiring his strength does not make the person toxic or fragile. It means they find the place in their heart to appreciate the type of struggle and hard work he puts into it. He has an unique way of fighting, which I could only see a small portion of. However it's clear that he must be impressive. I completely understand if people find that neat.

Also, Xiaolong seems like such a f%cking loyal person. That's so incredibly important. A lot of people can find that appealing, for various reasons. I am aware there are poly people, or anything similar to that, but loyalty is so important for some people and can form a very deep sense of love.

Yeah, he might take care of Vivi when she is drugged and let her get away with drugs but consider this that's his job. He is payed to do that and swore to do his best in it, as it's very important to him.

Outro;

Yeah, I don't care, like who ever you want to and defend them, but if you drag down other characters and guilt trip people because of liking specific characters, you are not going to be "woke" or special. And I will find you, and e a t you. - For legal reasons, that's a joke. -

That is not the only post that I saw shame those characters and people who like them, but is the one that made me messed up.

This fandom absolutely loves shaming people if they love the character design and looks of their favourite character. Let me tell you something though; You are missing the point of the whole manhwa you are reading.

Finding people attractive and beautiful is completely normal. Treating them differently because of that is not. As far as I am concerned, I never saw any lookism fans hate on characters they find less attractive. - Rather on the attractive ones. -

People have a type and that applies to looks and personality. Literally everyone does, even if it's unconsciously.

If you want your favorite character to get more love, don't make other people's comfort characters look bad on purpose, because in their eyes they aren't simply the bad qualities you see in them. And if you highlight them at least make sure they are true or at least reasonable bad qualities.

Well yeah, that was my little rant. And I didn't even mention the psychological aspects of why each character is like, or in other words what people they might attract. Or, the difference kind of personal life experiences people had to go through to appreciate each kind of little detail about the characters.

Yeah, this is the end of my little rant. If this post will get actual mature answers and discussions, I will make a similar one for Vinjin, Logan, Olly and Jiho. Yeah, I hate all of them, but other people might not.

END

[kandoesfanfics-writes]

A Song Your Soul(mate) Sings

This is my Maribat Secret Santa for @my-northern-downpour. I hope you enjoy it! This is a soulmate!au based off of a trend on TikTok in which soulmates can hear each other when they sing. I extended this to include humming as well.

-------------

The room was dark by the time he returned to his bed.

It was sparsely decorated, the six-year old boy not wanting much for potential enemies to use to conceal themselves. His eyes scanned the shadows, watching for the slightest movement, trying to see if there was anyone currently in the room. Seeing nothing that tickled his fight or flight instincts, he cautiously walked into the room before locking it behind him. He quietly barricaded himself in the room before walking over to his meager bed. 

His body ached as he laid down to sleep. 

Where there was not gauze or bandages was dark skin decorated with purples and blues of varying colors. The pain was a dull throb in his limbs as compared to the sharp pains in his joints. His stomach ached from the punishing training he'd been put through earlier that day. He hadn't wanted to train, but his mother had smacked him and told him to be grateful that he was chosen as heir.

"Des yeux qui font baisser les miens, un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche, voilà le portrait sans retouche, de l'homme auquel j'appartiens…"

The joyful echoes in his head began again, right on time. The echo sounded child-like, like the singer was someone his age. The echo sounded feminine, and he wondered why such a feminine voice would be echoing in his ears. He wasn't a girl after all so why did it sound like a girl? Why couldn’t he talk to that echo either? He could always have conversations with himself, but the feminine voice never answered him.

"Quand il me prend dans ses bras, qu'il me parle tout bas, je vois la vie en rose, Il me dit des mots d'amour, des mots de tous les jours, et ça m'fait quelque chose…"

It wasn't in a language he knew either. So far Mother had only taught him Arabic and English. The strange foreign vowel sounds and unfamiliar words made no sense to the little boy. Why was he hearing a voice speaking in a strange tongue?

And was he the only one?

Mother and Grandfather had never talked about hearing strange voices in their heads. Neither had any of the others the little boy had met. If they heard the voices too, wouldn't they have talked about them? Why would Mother and Grandfather hide the knowledge from him… unless they didn't share the same experiences.

The little boy did not fear the voice, but he vowed never to speak of it. While he did not believe the voice was a threat, he did not wish to be seen as defective. He saw what had happened to those deemed unworthy of his Grandfather's presence. He did not wish to die…or worse, go through painful procedures to get rid of the voice in his head.

"Il est entré dans mon cœur, une part de bonheur, dont je connais la cause, c'est lui pour moi, moi pour lui dans la vie, Il me l'a dit, l'a juré, pour la vie, et dès que je l’aperçois, alors je sens en moi, mon cœur qui bat…"

As he curled into a ball, his daggers close at hand, he listened to the cheerful voice. He listened to the way the strange words would roll, and occasionally stutter, through his mind. It wasn’t terrible...if he had to be honest, it was rather relaxing. The sound was more often than not soft and gentle sounding compared to the harsh orders barked at him daily. Sometimes the voice had giggles and laughter interrupting the words, sending a strange warmth through him. He could feel himself relaxing enough to sleep, but he forced his green eyes to stay open as he wanted to hear more.

“Des nuits d’amour à plus finir, un grand bonheur qui prend sa place, les ennuis, les chagrins s’effacent, heureux, heureux à en mourir…”

He could feel sleep overtake him as he listened to the happy voice, glad that at least one thing in his life radiated warmth and was not tinged with fear.

He hoped Mother and Grandfather never found out.

Damian didn’t want the voice to go away.

————————

“Why do you keep singin’ if you can’t hear them, Mari?” a dark skinned boy asked, picking apart the sandwich his mother made him.

“Because Maman explained that some people can’t sing, Nino!” a little girl with paler skin responded. “Maman said that sometimes people are born without the ability to talk, or they get hurt real bad and can’t talk no more. She also said that sometimes people have a hard time hearing or can’t hear at all, so they learn FSL instead of talking with their mouth! What if my soulmate is like that? They’d be real lonely if I didn’t sing to ‘em!”

The little boy adjusted the small red cap on top of his head and said, “I guess that makes sense.”

The little girl nodded, her bob swinging a little with the force of her movements. Marinette Dupain-Cheng and her best friend, Nino Lahiffe, were sitting in her parents bakery, enjoying lunch. Nino was picking apart his food, not feeling very hungry after Chloe Bourgeois called him chubby. Despite Marinette telling Nino he wasn’t chubby, the little boy seemed to be down in the dumps. Marinette had tried to cheer him up by asking about the song he could hear his soulmate singing as Nino was very excited that he was hearing his soulmate more often now.

That had brought them to the conversation of Marinette’s soulmate...who she had never heard before.

Marinette knew her friend wasn’t trying to be mean by asking about it, and that he was worried about her. It wasn’t common that soulmates couldn’t hear one another’s voices so long as both people were alive. If one couldn’t hear their soulmates voice it could mean that they might have died, that they hadn’t been born yet, or that the person didn’t have one. There were also instances where both soulmates were still alive and still couldn’t sing to one another, and that was the type Marinette’s mother had just recently explained to her— people who were unable to verbally communicate due to either issues with hearing or speaking verbally.

Marinette was nibbling on her sandwich too, secretly trying to reassure herself as well.

After all, Chloe liked to tease her that she didn’t have a soulmate. 

Marinette shook her head, kicking her feet back and forth. No! Stupid Chloe was wrong! She did have a soulmate! They just couldn’t sing to her right now! Maybe they couldn’t sing at all, but that didn’t matter! As long as she kept singing, they would eventually find her voice...wouldn’t they?

“Hey Mari, do you wanna go to the park?” Nino asked, interrupting her train of thought. “I got a new football. It’s in my bag.”

Marinette smiled brightly, adjusting the straps on her pink overalls before saying, “Prepare to lose, Nino!”

The little girl jumped out of her seat and raced towards his backpack, the little boy following after her. Neither child noticed the dark haired woman watching them with a soft, sad smile. Her near silver eyes shone with love and concern as she watched her daughter go off to play with her best friend. She looked so happy...and Sabine desperately hoped she would stay like that.

———————-

...things at his father’s house were strange.

His rules were confusing.

No killing. None. In fact, Damian got into more trouble killing while with his father. It just didn’t make any sense to him! Hadn’t Mother told Father anything?! Hadn’t Mother told Father that he was going to be heir of both the cowl and the League of Assassins? He had to know how to kill in order to do that! He had to keep up with his skills to be able to maintain and grow to surpass anyone who would challenge him!

But Father told him that he didn’t want Damian to do any of that.

He told Damian that he wanted different things for him than his mother did.

And that confused him.

The other thing that confused him was his place in his father’s house.

With his mother and his grandfather, the dark haired ten-year old’s position was always clear. He was to be the Heir to the League of Assassins. He was to be stronger, sharper, quicker, and more deadly than anyone else in the League. He was constantly being tested by Mother and Grandfather too. He knew that if he did not perform to their standards then a punishment was in order...and they never let Damian forget how replaceable he truly was at the end of the day. 

He might be considered more important than the other League members, but he had to continuously earn that position.

Richard Grayson didn’t seem interested in fighting him for the cowl...at all. In fact, the young man seemed to want to get to know Damian. He seemed to get over his annoyance at the younger boy’s appearance rather quickly, and he’d started getting into Damian’s space. He asked him questions, trying to learn more about the newcomer. He didn’t appear to be threatened by Damian very much either, which irritated the aforementioned boy severely.

Dick was quick to suss out Damian’s boundaries, and while he’d ultimately respect them, he was also quick to push them too. His excuse was that Damian needed to act like other ten year old boys, and his father had agreed. While Damian had at first hated it...he had to admit he’d grown fond of Grayson, as the second Damian began to feel anxious, the older one would cease his pushing.

Dick was...well he was an older brother, through and through. He loved Damian, but he wasn’t afraid to try and kick the younger boy’s ass either. Damian appreciated someone who could see he had skill but wasn’t scared off by it. Dick was insistent in getting Damian to learn more about ‘normal’ kid stuff. Dick was the one showing him kids’ movies, loudly singing along to the lyrics, making their father groan.

Tim...Tim still wasn’t okay with Damian. Damian wasn’t okay with Tim either. Damian was more willing to overlook Dick as he was his own superhero— Nightwing. Tim was Robin. Tim was the one who had his role, according to his mother. Tim was the one he was supposed to show he was superior too. Tim was the one he had to get rid of.

But that had made father and Dick extremely angry.

Tim fought valiantly for his position, which Damian respected, but he also seemed to be sticking to Father’s no kill rule. It was clear that Father trusted Tim much more than he trusted Damian. Tim was still with the family. Tim hadn’t been replaced by him. Tim still hung out with Dick, though he did it less when Damian was around. Tim also clearly had Dick’s trust as well, while Damian was still on thin ice.

The younger boy couldn’t explain why that upset him so much, but it did.

As Dick had explained it to him, and Alfred re-explained, ranks were based purely on seniority. Alfred was in charge of Bruce, and Bruce was in charge of them. Dick was the next in line because he was the oldest, then Tim, and then Damian. There wasn’t any fighting in order to gain the upper rank...and despite Damian being on the bottom, he was treated with just as much respect as a living person deserved.

He was allowed to point out holes in plans. He was allowed to talk during meetings. He was allowed to offer his opinion. He was allowed to fight with them...he was allowed to fight without fearing death.

For the first time in Damian’s short life...he was allowed to do things without the risk of death constantly hanging over his head. The most his father would do is bench him from patrols, stop him from training, and put him under house arrest. All of these punishments were preferable to the ones his mother would come up with, and he felt so much better about that.

He was freer to be himself here than he ever had been with his mother.

“Here comes the sun, do, dun, do, do. Here comes the sun, and I say, it's all right. Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here. Here comes the sun, do, dun, do, do. Here comes the sun, and I say, it's all right!”

Damian looked up from his oatmeal, grimacing at his elder ‘brother’ as said man skidded into the kitchen in a tee-shirt, boxers, and his socks.

It had been an entire year since his mother had left him with his father. He was eleven years old now, and he’d told his mother that he was staying with his father. He had thought he’d grow used to his ‘brothers’ antics, but it appeared that there was one thing he still wasn’t used to— Dick’s insistence that he break out in a random musical number anytime he felt like it…

“GRAYSON, would you please shut up! Tt, it’s too early for this nonsense!” the green-eyed boy said with a scowl. “Alfred, please tell him that he’s much too noisy.”

“No can do, lil’ D! I have to let my soulmate know I’m a-okay! And the only way to do that is sing!” Dick said happily. “Good morning, Alfred!”

The elderly man shook his head in fond annoyance before saying, “Good morning, Master Dick. If you eat cereal, please leave some left for Master Tim. That boy hasn’t been eating much, but I have been getting him to eat cereal...and do lower your volume, Master Dick.”

“...what the, and I can’t emphasize this enough, fuck are you talking about, Grayson? Where did you hear such nonsense?”

The kitchen fell silent as both Dick and Alfred looked at Damian in shock. Alfred hadn’t even corrected Damian for cursing, both men clearly fighting back and array of emotions. Dick appeared to recover first. His inquisitive blue eyes focused on Damian before he took a deep breath.

“Dames...you know what soulmates are right?” Dick asked slowly.

“What kind of asinine—”

“Master Damian, have you ever heard a voice in your head?”

Damian froze like a rabbit that had just spotted a predator. Despite the boy’s training, Alfred could see it in his microexpressions that the child was afraid. It looked like he had no idea how to answer the question, so the old butler took pity on him and continued.

“This voice...or echo doesn’t sound like it belongs to you. It sounds like someone else...someone you may not know. It could be in another language, possibly, or it could take form in the sound of humming—”

“Almost everyone has one, Lil’ D...” Dick interrupted, his expression twisted with worry. “My soulmate sings back to me after I sing to him.”

The green-eyed boy’s jaw dropped, looking back and forth between Alfred and Dick in an alarmingly vulnerable way. Dick was about to go get Bruce before Damian let out the softest sound of shock and surprise he’d ever heard. He had to strain to hear what Damian said to Alfred next, hating how small and weak the proud boy sounded.

“I’m...I’m not crazy? She— she’s real?”

“Talia never told you about soulmates, did she?” Alfred said, taking the available seat next to Damian. “Of course you're not crazy, Master Damian. This is completely normal.”

Damian shook his head, looking anxiously at the butler and Dick. He thought the voice was just in his head! She was a real person? She was singing to him? Was he supposed to be singing back? Why could he hear her? Why him?

“Why we don’t explain what soulmates are first,” Alfred said softly. “A soulmate is someone whose soul compliments yours. You are whole as you are, Damian, but a soulmate is someone whose personality will compliment yours. They are the one person in the world who has the chance to know you as well as you know yourself. They’re a blessing to have, not a weakness to exploit.”

“In order to be able to find our soulmates, we have an almost telepathic connection of sorts. When our soulmates sing, we will be able to hear them in our heads. The same goes for when you sing. She’ll be able to hear you,” Dick added. “You will be able to find your soulmate through their singing. You’ll know when you’ve met her...Lil’ D...does your soulmate still sing to you?”

“Everyday...though the time has changed since I got to the states. I’m assuming she’s European due to the timezone difference and what I believe is a Latin-based language,” Damian mumbled, twiddling his thumbs. “Is that good?”

“That’s excellent, Lil’ D. It means she hasn’t given up on you,” Dick said with a grin. “So don’t keep her waiting anymore, okay?”

“Mother and Grandfather never talked about—is it safe? I assumed I was crazy because they never spoke of soulmates and neither did anyone else. I thought—”

“You’re not crazy, Master Damian,” Alfred said, this time firmer. “You are just like any other young man with a soulmate. You hear her voice when she sings to you, and you enjoy it, don’t you?”

“...it is a nice song…very pretty…”

“They probably saw their soulmates as weaknesses to their plans, but what they failed to realize is that soulmates are sources of strength as well. Do not be afraid to answer her now, Master Damian. She’s probably been waiting quite a while to hear your voice.”

Damian still felt like he was going to throw up, but he nodded. He was still tense as a freshly tightened spring as he watched Dick return to his breakfast. The older man started humming a tune that Damian recognized was a song from the movie they’d just watched the night before.

“Dick...what’s the name of that song? The one you’re humming from the movie last night?” he asked, trying to control his voice.

Dick raised an eyebrow, surprised by the use of his first name. He calmly told Damian that he was humming ‘Can You Feel the Love Tonight’ as performed by Elton John. He said nothing further as he watched Damian make a beeline towards the door, clearly not wanting to speak anymore on the subject, and abandoning his oatmeal. He looked towards Alfred to see if he should bring him back to at least finish breakfast, but the butler shook his head.

“Let Master Damian go. This must be overwhelming for him as well as slightly invasive. Let him process.”

Little did Alfred know that Damian had already accepted that the voice was in his head. He had already accepted the voice that lulled him to sleep as a piece of him that he’d protect willingly and viciously. The only change was that he now understood why he was so keen on protecting the intruder in his head.

He wasn’t crazy.

She was real.

That song was real.

Everything she ever sang to him was real.

Damian wasn’t broken.

She was real.

———————

The last thing Sabine Cheng expected was for her daughter to be awake at seven thirty am, no matter how early she and her husband got up.

Her sweet little Marinette had never been a morning person, always sleeping in and making herself late. Sabine had tried to break her daughter of the habit, but she was just as stubborn as her father. Now Sabine simply tried to mitigate how late her daughter got up so that she wouldn’t be as late to things.

She’d gone to wake her daughter up as she had errands to run. Sabine needed Marinette to come with her to help carry some of the items they were picking up for her mother-in-law’s birthday while Tom worked the store. Neither parent expected the shriek that came from their daughter’s room.

Nor the disheveled state she came nearly crashing down in.

“MAMAN! PAPA!” Marinette shrieked, her hair half-in, half-out of her braid. “HE SANG! MAMAN, HE’S THERE! PAPA, MY SOULMATE ANSWERED ME!”

Marinette’s eyes were wide with shock as she spluttered, trying to get words out of her mouth. Her hands were flailing in every direction, trying desperately to articulate the words she couldn’t get out. She was still dressed in her pajamas, looking at her parents helplessly.

“Marinette! Marinette, you have to breathe, little dumpling,” Sabine said, grabbing her daughter’s hands. “Take a few deep breaths.”

Marinette took a deep breath, following her mother’s instructions of in and out. As soon as she had stopped practically vibrating out of her skin, Marinette grabbed her mother’s arms and said, “He sang back, Maman. He was so shy and stuttered a lot, but he sang back. He answered me!”

Tom looked absolutely relieved, his posture relaxing slightly. He had been worried about Marinette’s soulmate never singing back, and how that would affect Marinette. They knew that she’d been bullied by the mayor’s daughter for never hearing her soulmate sing, and they knew how bad that had made her feel. Tom then stiffened back up when he realized that Marinette’s soulmate sang back, and now someone would be trying to find his little girl.

Sabine couldn’t help but roll her eyes at her husband. Their daughter was only eleven, so she doubted that someone was just going to come and steal her away! However, she was very excited for her daughter. She kissed Marinette on the forehead before saying, “That’s amazing, little dumpling. You go get changed, and you can tell me about it while we walk to the store.”

Marinette nodded eagerly before pausing.

“Maman? Do you think we could get some English books? To help me practice and learn? I’m pretty sure my soulmate sang in English,” the dark haired girl said, biting the tip of her thumb.

Tom looked at his wife, waiting for her to give the nod of approval, before telling Marinette that of course she could get some English studying material. While Tom was apprehensive of the soulmate that just started singing (why hadn’t he sang before?), he wanted nothing more than his little girl to be happy. He kissed his wife on the cheek before walking back into the kitchen, continuing to work on the pastries.

Marinette couldn’t stop the smile on her face as she raced back up to her room. 

Her soulmate sang back to her!

She bounced over to her mirror, picking up her hair brush. She pulled out her hair tie, allowing the braid to fall apart completely. As she began to brush her hair, she picked up where her song had left off before her soulmate had tried to sing back.

“Quand il me prend dans ses bras, il me parle tout bas, je vois la vie en rose, il me dit des mots d’amour, des mots de tous les jours, et ça me fait quelque chose, il est entré dans mon coeur, une part de bonheur, dont je connais la cause, c’est toi pour moi, moi pour lui dans la vie, il me l’a dit, i’a juré pour la vie,” she sang, carefully braiding her hair.

She paused for a moment, waiting to see if he would try singing again.

Her soulmate sounded male, but it was hard for her to hear him. He sounded uncertain and shy as he stumbled across his words. Then he sounded a little bit upset before changing to humming a tune she was familiar with. He was humming “La Vie en Rose” which was a song Marinette sang very often, and that was another reason she believed he wasn’t French. He clearly knew the tune, but didn’t seem confident to say the words.

A familiar tune timidly filled her head, soft and sleepy.  She felt affection well up in her chest as he continued to hum “La Vie en Rose” to her. Marinette could tell he’d been listening to her every time she sung him that song. He hummed every note perfectly until his voice began to drift off. Marinette wondered for a moment if that means he’d fallen asleep.

She finished getting dressed quickly after that, throwing on her pink sundress and black ballet flats. Blue-grey eyes sparkling with joy and excitement, Marinette practically ran down the stairs, causing her papa to call out to her to be more careful. She told her papa she would as she skipped over towards her mother.

She couldn’t wait to tell her mother about her soulmate humming her song back to her.

——————

It wasn’t until Damian was almost seventeen that he felt comfortable enough actually singing to his soulmate.

At first, he’d attempted a clumsy rendition of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight”. He hadn’t been able to remember the words properly, so he’d gotten frustrated and embarrassed. She had been able to hear him messing up! He already hadn’t been singing back to her for years, and now his first attempts were pathetic! He had been worried about how she’d respond to him finally returning her songs, but he’d then begun to worry about what she thought about him screwing it up entirely!

Instead of giving up though, he had decided to hum her song back to her. He knew every note of that song, despite not knowing the words or the name to the song. He had hummed until she answered him back with her own bright cheerful song. She had sung the words, strange and unfamiliar to him, while he hummed the melody, creating the most beautiful sound Damian could have sworn he’d ever heard.

Her voice had sounded even brighter than before, and Damian could tell she was happy. After the first day, he’d noticed an uptick in his soulmate’s humming and singing. The more he’d returned her humming with his own, the happier her voice had sounded. It had warmed his chest in an inexplicable way...almost as if he’d missed her without ever meeting her until he hummed back.

Damian had reached the point where he could easily recall all of the words to Elton John’s “Can You Feel the Love Tonight”, but he’d only hummed it to her. He hadn’t felt confident enough to attempt to sing it out loud again, but he was getting there in small steps. He’d been working on it, speaking the words out loud to ensure he remembered them as to not have a repeat of his first attempt. He had begun singing little bits and pieces to the song, which seemed to get the interest of his soulmate. He had fallen even faster for her when she began to show him what she’d been working on.

Singing in English.

Despite her difficulties, his soulmate had continued to try and sing to him in what she probably assumed was his native tongue. She had learned another language for him! She had learned one of the most difficult languages to learn (the grammar rules could be absolutely atrocious, and Damian hated it) just so he could understand her singing.

The least he could do was actually sing for her.

Especially since his soulmate had grown more somber and sad in the past few years.

Her songs seemed to have changed from the light-hearted melodies about love and life to heavier music, in both genre and topics. She’d never stopped singing the song he’d come to know as “La Vie en Rose” though. It appeared that she only sang it for him now because her voice was always quiet, almost like a whisper as she sang. Some nights she only sang a few words or not at all, which worried Damian greatly. So, he did the only thing he could do.

He hummed to her even when she was silent or didn’t seem to want to sing much.

Damian began to hum to her like she’d sang to him all those days while he still lived with the League. She had dealt with his silence for years, never knowing if she had someone on the other end of her connection. Damian only realized how terrifying that was when she’d gone completely silent for a day, not singing anything at all. He could toughen it out and hum to her until she felt like she could sing again, but it only got worse.

She had begun to sing in the softest, saddest voice Damian had ever heard.

It broke his heart to know she was in pain.

Which led him to his current situation, standing in a busy Parisian patisserie with his father and brother, singing to his soulmate for the first time.

“There's a calm surrender, to the rush of day, when the heat of a rolling wind can be turned away. An enchanted moment, and it sees me through. It's enough for this restless warrior, just to be with you,” he sang softly, ignoring the shocked looks of both Bruce and Tim. “And can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are. It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer, that we got this far, and can you feel the love tonight. How it's laid to rest? It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best.”

The small Asian woman behind the counter looked concerned until Tim apologized and kindly informed her that Damian had never actually sang to his soulmate before. The woman chuckled before telling Tim that he didn’t need to apologize, and that their order would be out soon. Tim nodded, paying the kind woman before Bruce guided them both off to the side to wait.

The dark haired boy ignored his brother’s insistent questions, listening for her voice. She was still quiet, having stopped singing the previous song that had gotten Damian so concerned to begin with. He continued to sing, wanting his soulmate to know that even if it felt like no one else did, he cared about her. 

He’d have to thank Dick later for his annoying pop music obsession, or he’d never have recognized Sia’s song “Breathe Me”.

“There's a time for everyone, if they only learn. That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn. There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors. When the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours,” he continued, ignoring all of the sounds going on around him.

Just as Damian was about to sing the next section, the patisserie door slammed open. A tiny girl(?) with pitch black hair that was falling loose around her face came racing in. He could see tear streaks down her face as if she’d just been crying. Her body posture was defensive. Her arms were crossed tightly against her chest, and her body was hunched over as if she were trying to make herself smaller.

A blond haired guy followed her into the building. He seemed out of breath with his face as flushed as it was. His green eyes reminded Damian of limes or acid, bright and loud. His entire demeanor displayed a nervousness as he tried to reach the girl, whose posture seemed to scream ‘I’m not okay’ the closer he got to her.

“Marinette, listen! It was just a joke! Alya said they didn’t mean it, and Lila already told the class to stop messing up your schedules,” the guy said. “Please, Marinette? Don’t be mad. You’re better than that.”

The young woman, Marinette, stopped dead in her tracks before turning around. With the more composure than Damian had thought she possessed, she simply said, “Adrien, I am allowed to be upset. They destroyed my planner, which had all the events for our class in it. As class president, I’m supposed to have all of those dates written down and available to anyone who needs them. I now have to remake the entire schedule on top of all my other responsibilities. Besides, real jokes don’t normally involve destroying someone’s personal property, now please leave me alone.”

Damian felt his heart drop into his stomach.

He knew that voice like he knew his katana.

He’d never be able to mistake the voice that had lulled him to sleep so many nights.

That was her voice.

He knew her.

“And can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are. It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer that we got this far, and can you feel the love tonight? How it's laid to rest? It's enough to make kings and vagabonds, believe the very best,” Damian continued, needing to be certain it was her.

He watched the young woman’s arms fall to her sides, looking almost startled. Her eyes, which he now noticed were an enchanting slate blue color that reminded him of a storm, were now darting around. Her petal pink lips, which looked so soft, were agape which hinted towards her being alarmed by something. Her posture straightened up as she scanned the room again. Not finding what she was looking for apparently, she slowly began to sing, her eyes searching the room once more.

“Et dès que je l’aperçois, alors je sens en moi, mon coeur qui bat.”

Damian’s heart then decided to make a violent return to his chest as he could hear it pounding in his chest.

It was her.

Those were the last lines to “La Vie en Rose”.

It was her.

——————

Marinette, to say the least, had been having a couple rough years.

At the age of thirteen, she had been given the ladybug miraculous by the former Guardian and became the spotted heroine known as Ladybug.

At around the age of fourteen-fifteen, Lila Rossi had joined her class and the bullying began.

At the age of sixteen, she realized that she had less friends than she thought she did.

And now at the age of seventeen, Marinette was just done.

She hadn’t been able to locate Hawkmoth due to his increasing power, gaining Mayura as an accomplice, and her inability to keep a standard set of heroes. Some people had lost the privilege to wield the miraculous by breaking Marinette’s trust, and others had been compromised by Hawkmoth. This meant that everytime she needed assistance, she either had to combine the miraculous or give a rookie hero a crash course in superhero training.

Add to that Chat Noir’s endless attempts to flirt and get her to sing in front of him, and Marinette was ready to throw herself out a window. 

Being a superhero with little to no training had been hard enough, but now she was the Guardian of the box! Now not only did she have to worry about her Kwami, Tikki, she had to worry about all of them! She would also have to do this with absolutely no training as well except from what the kwamis could remember/tell her. 

And all of that didn’t take into account the Marinette part of her life either.

Her only solace had been her soulmate, who had slowly been learning how to sing. She had been surprised to hear attempts at singing, as he’d been humming almost consistently since his first attempt, but it made the ache in her chest feel lighter. Her soulmate clearly cared enough about her to try and overcome whatever had been stopping him from singing before, and it made her feel good. She had come to find the humming comforting, but she also found she enjoyed his voice while he sang too.

More grown up now, his voice was a deep baritone that settled into her bones and made her relax. She had found herself wishing she could talk to him more, wanting to hear words instead of humming. She had forced herself to be patient though. If her soulmate had had problems singing before, it was a possibility he’d only recently gained the capability to verbally speak. She didn’t want to be rude and push for more if that was the case.

Which was apparently something none of her classmates understood.

Marinette had walked into her classroom, only to find the planner she had painstakingly put together for the class in tatters on the floor. She’d left it for their teacher to use, as the teacher needed to add a few more dates in for school functions that had just gotten approved. She wished she could say she hadn’t been upset, but she was.

They’d stuck her with this thankless job, due to Lila not wanting to have to do anything, and this was how they repaid her?

She found it ridiculous that they were still bullying her over Adrien. Sure, she’d liked him when he’d first arrived. He was handsome and rather nice, and most girls had a crush on him. She knew he wasn’t her soulmate though. While he could speak perfect English (thanks to his aunt and cousin living in England, and his late uncle speaking mainly English), the time zone differences didn’t match up.

Her soulmate hummed at specific times, and Marinette had attributed that schedule to reflect their difference in time zones. If Adrien had been her soulmate, then the humming would have occurred around the same time Marinette was normally singing. Plus, she’d heard Adrien sing before when Nino had pressured him into doing it.

The click didn’t go off in her head and as a result, her crush slowly began to die out. She’d even explained to Alya the situation when she’d told her former best friend that she was giving up on dating Adrien. Alya knew that Adrien wasn’t her soulmate, so she didn’t want to waste her time on him.

So why had she joined Lila in bullying her?

Why had she conveniently forgotten that Marinette was completely over her crush and didn’t want to date him?

Why had she lied to Adrien about Marinette wanting to date her?

Most of all, why had Alya believed Lila over her?

Marinette hadn’t heard anyone apologizing to her when she raced out of the room, overwhelmed and upset. She was doing her damndest to control her emotions so that Hawkmoth couldn’t akumatize her, but she could still feel the tears hot on her cheeks. She ignored everything else, storming back towards the patisserie, considering telling her parents she’d thrown up on the way to school and decided to turn around and come home.

Taking a deep breath, she began to sing an English song she’d found while browsing around online. At first she wanted to listen to English songs to help her learn her soulmate’s language, but she did end up finding music and artists that she liked.

“Help, I have done it again. I have been here many times before. Hurt myself again today, and the worst part is there's no-one else to blame. Be my friend, hold me. Wrap me up, enfold me. I am small and needy. Warm me up and breathe me,” she sang, picking up the pace as she heard Adrien shout out her name.

“There's a calm surrender, to the rush of day. When the heat of a rolling wind can be turned away. An enchanted moment, and it sees me through. It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you.”

Marinette nearly froze in her tracks.

Her soulmate had sung!

From the sound of his tone, he seemed worried about her. Marinette continued the song she’d been singing, only pausing when he began to sing his song back to her. She had continued walking on autopilot, taking comfort in her soulmate’s voice despite the fact that she could still register Adrien’s shouting in the back of her mind.

She slammed the patisserie door open, too shocked and upset to think about using the private entrance to their home above the bakery. She heard Adrien’s footsteps follow her inside. She had planned on ignoring him, not wanting to have another fight about whether or not Alya and Lila’s latest shenanigans had been ‘friendly teasing’ or not. 

She was going to until Adrien opened his stupid mouth to tell her she was ‘better than this’.

“Adrien, I am allowed to be upset. They destroyed my planner, which had all the events for our class in it. As class president, I’m supposed to have all of those dates written down and available to anyone who needs them. I now have to remake the entire schedule on top of all my other responsibilities. Besides, real jokes don’t normally involve destroying someone’s personal property, now please leave me alone,” she’d told him, firmly.

Before Adrien could respond though, she heard her soulmate sing.

“And can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are. It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer that we got this far, and can you feel the love tonight? How it's laid to rest? It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best.”

Marinette felt like she’d been struck by lightning as she realized she’d heard an echo, meaning that he was also in the patisserie. He was here! He was here, and he was singing for her!

Her eyes darted around the room, taking in everyone who was present. She saw that her father and mother were swamped with orders, doing their best to keep the line short. There were several regular customers in line with a couple new faces, but no one who stuck out. There was a small trio off to the side, clearly waiting for their order.

They did not appear familiar at all but from the looks of their suits, Marinette wagered they were businessmen. Perhaps they were in the city on business? Or perhaps this wasn’t their normal stop for baked goods, but they came here because it was closer?

Still feeling anxious, she steeled her nerves and began to sing slowly, trying to find the one person who would react in the crowd.

Her eyes were drawn back to the trio, noticing how awestruck the one looked.

He was objectively handsome with a sharp jawline and defined cheekbones. He had tanned skin that made the two men next to him look rather pale in comparison. His hair was jet black and well groomed. He looked strong with broad shoulders, and Marinette was certain he had several inches on her as far as height went.

It was his eyes though that caught her attention.

They were a jade green, a bit darker than Adrien’s, but captivating all the same. They were also looking at her with a look of longing that for some reason didn’t frighten Marinette. He looked like he desperately wanted to come over to her, but he appeared to be waiting for something.

The second he realized she had her eyes on him, he opened his mouth and finished the song.

“It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best,” he sang, looking at her almost hopefully.

Marinette felt something in her mind click into place.

She also could swear she heard Tikki giggling from inside her purse.

The little kwami had always told Marinette she’d meet her soulmate one day. She’d also told Marinette that she’d meet him when she needed him most. The little red kwami had seemed extremely confident about that fact and about how her soulmate would be able to help her.

Feeling a nudge from her purse, Marinette swallowed before marching over to where the three men were standing. The one whose gaze had been fixed on her also began to step forward, meeting Marinette half-way. He smiled at her, but his eyes told her he was nervous.

“Hello, my name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” she said, holding out her hand in what she knew was a traditional American greeting.

He took her hand but surprised her by kissing the back of her hand instead of shaking it.

“Hello, I’m Damian. You have a lovely voice.”

Marinette felt her cheeks heat up as she smiled back at him.

“You too...though I’d like to hear it more,” she replied, ignoring the fact he’d yet to let go of her hand.

The grip wasn’t harsh or uncomfortable...but rather warm and reassuring.

“Okay, seriously Demon Spawn,” the shorter man said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “What the hell is going on, and why were you singing to your soulmate? You never sing out loud! Who is she, and why did you kiss her hand? Do you even know her?”

“Shut. Up. Drake,” Damian hissed, his cheeks coloring a bit. “Can’t you and Father give me a moment?”

Marinette could see the tension building, so she asked the question that had been bugging her since she was a child.

“Why didn’t you ever sing to me before we were eleven?”

This made the two men freeze. A look of realization dawned on them as they looked between Marinette and Damian. The younger of the two had the decency to blush a little bit, mumbling a ‘nevermind’. The older of the two seemed almost...relieved? Happy? Ecstatic?

“Terribly sorry,” the older man said with a smile. “My name is Bruce Wayne. I’m Damian’s father. This is his brother Tim Drake, who I adopted, hence the different last name. Damian, we’re going to take our pastries and head back to the hotel. You can meet us there when you’re done.”

With that, Marinette watched as Bruce pushed Tim towards the exit, still feeling a little confused and dazed. She returned her attention towards Damian, who looked very uncomfortable and upset. She almost told him to forget about her question until he said quietly, “...my mother never told me about soulmates. I wasn’t allowed to sing or hum growing up, but my mother never told me why. They never taught me any songs either. I mainly had to learn them myself. I— I didn’t even realize I was hearing another person’s voice until someone explained it to me.”

Damian was looking down at his shoes, but he managed to lift his head to look at her before continuing.

“I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel lonely or unwanted. I tried singing to you at eleven because I started living with my father around that time.”

Marinette felt relieved and heartbroken all at once.

“You don’t have to apologize just because your mother didn’t tell you about this,” she murmured, getting closer to her soulmate. “I’m just relieved that it wasn’t because you didn’t want me.”

“Excuse me, but Marinette and I were having a conversation! Marinette, you can’t just ignore people! It’s rude! Besides, Alya and Lila are here to apologize.”

The dark haired young woman let out a hiss, making the man in front of her chuckle.

Adrien.

She’d nearly forgotten about him.

Marinette turned around to see that Adrien was glaring daggers at Damian. The blond walked forward and actually had the audacity to wrap his arm around her shoulders. She pushed her arm off of her and stood in front of Damian.

From her new position, she could also see the two harpies from hell waiting at the patisserie door. Alya looked only a little nervous, and Lila had her usual fake sad face on. She could also see the simmering anger in Adrien’s eyes as she chose the stranger over him.

“Oh! Marinette, there you are!” Lila crooned, latching onto Adrien’s arm. “We’re so sorry! We didn’t realize that was your book.”

“I thought you said it was a joke on me though,” she responded, looking between both of them. “If you didn’t know it was mine, why would the joke be on me?”

“We never said that—” Alya began, but Marinette just cut her off.

Reaching into her bag, she took out the little tape recorder she’d been bringing to school to gather evidence. She briefly rewinded it before playing it, the two girls’ voices coming through crystal clear. Her expression did not change as Alya and Lila began to scream about how she couldn’t just record them like that, scrambling to also include how recordings could be taken out of context or misconstrued.

“You’re only mad because Lila won’t let you have Adrien!” Alya shouted, gaining the attention of Marinette’s mother and the other customers. “You’ve had a crush on him forever, and now you’re jealous because you can’t have him because of Lila!”

Marinette could feel a migraine coming on as she bit out, “I. Don’t. Have. A. Crush. On. Him. Seriously? That crush was like a month, two months long before I told you I was over it?”

“Don’t you still love me?” Adrien interjected, looking like a sad puppy.

“Not any more than a friend,” she said bitterly, “but I have no idea if I can consider you even that now.”

“You’re a filthy liar! You so totally have a crush—”

“Excuse me, but could you three kindly fuck off?” a cold voice came from behind her.

Marinette’s head twisted back to see that Damian no longer looked all that shy or vulnerable.

“I’ve waited years to be able to hear her voice in person, as Miss Marinette Dupain-Cheng is my soulmate, and I’d really like to get to know her. Without an audience of absolute buffoons,” Damian continued, still coming off cold. “She already asked you to leave her alone, Blondie. My suggestion is take your two bitches and leave before I make you.”

“Ugh, you’re so rude!” Alya snapped. “No wonder you ended up with a cheat like Marinette!”

Marinette felt a twinge in her chest as she looked down at her shoes. She wasn’t surprised Alya had said something like that, but it still hurt deep down. Alya had once been a dear friend of hers, and for her to say such terrible lies about her made her heart break. She went to call out to her mother when Damian let out a snarl.

“You’re the rude ones. You think destroying private property is a joke? You think taking people’s belongings is a joke? You think barging into a place of business isn’t rude? Do you think interjecting on conversations that you’re not a part of isn’t rude? You think what you said isn’t fucking rude? Why don’t you try thinking before you speak? I know that takes up a lot of oxygen, but I can get you a plant if you’re worried about running out. Now, Get. Out.”

Damian cracked his knuckles and slid off his suit jacket, showing off muscled arms that looked a lot stronger than Adrien. He glared at the trio, watching them carefully as they backed off of Marinette. The subtle threat seemed to work as Alya latched onto Adrien’s other arm, both girls pulling him out of the patisserie. They were complaining loudly about how rude he was and continued to say passive aggressive things about Marinette. She thought the situation was going to explode until her mother walked over to them.

“Marinette? What’s going on?” Shouldn’t you be at school? And why were your classmates here?” she asked, gently holding her daughter’s face in her hands.

“I don’t feel well, Maman,” Marinette replied quietly. “It’s getting bad again.”

She watched her mother’s normally gently and friendly face twist into a well concealed look of rage. Sabine’s silver eyes narrowed, slightly worrying Marinette, as she looked at Damian before demanding to know who he thought he was, thinking that he could speak on her daughter’s behalf.

“I’m her soulmate, ‘mam. I wasn’t trying to speak for her, and I apologize if that’s how it was coming off. You see, my mother didn’t allow singing when I was growing up, and I went to go live with my father when I was ten, so for the first ten years of my life, I didn’t know what a soulmate was,” he answered. “It’s been about six years since I learned what a soulmate was, and I’ve been waiting since then to meet the girl who still sings to a silent soulmate.”

Marinette began to blush, stuttering apologies before Damian responded that she had nothing to apologize for. He then smiled at both her and Sabine before asking if they wanted to attend dinner at Le Grand Paris so Sabine could meet his father.

“I’d really like to get to know you, Marinette, but only if that’s what you want too,” he said with a soft smile. “I want this to be your choice as much as it is mine. I don’t want you to think you have to say yes just because we’re soulmates.”

And as she looked into the face of a man who taught himself how to sing just to be able to connect with her when she needed him the most, Marinette actually believed him.

Perhaps this wouldn’t be like Chat Noir and Ladybug…

A hard nudge from her pocket prompted her into answering, “Yes...I’d really like to get to know you too, Damian.”

As he smiled at her, a genuine smile that reached one’s eyes instead of the fake one he’d been using when talking to Lila, she felt her heart skip a few beats. He readjusted his grip on her hand, sending tingles down her arm and making her entire body feel warm. She gently squeezed his hand, receiving an evenly pressured squeeze in return as he talked to her mother about their patisserie shop.

Vaguely in the back of her mind, Marinette wondered if this is what being with your soulmate was supposed to feel like.

If it was...well, Marinette wasn’t going to be trading the warm homey feeling she got watching her mother talk nice with Damian for anything in the world. He seemed to have a quiet sort of charm about him, and he wasn’t easily intimidated by the looks of it, as he didn’t flinch when her father came out to meet him.

No, instead Damian had shook her father’s hand firmly, introducing himself with proud shoulders and confidence. This seemed to make her father happy as he wasn’t frowning as hard when he asked Damian what he did. Her father also seemed satisfied when Damian responded that his father owned a large business, and he was studying to help his older brother take it over once his father decided to retire.

The way he seemed to seamlessly slide into her family, the domestic feeling of it, made Marinette very happy.

Now all she had to do was figure out how to break the news to her soulmate that she was a superhero…

Oh boy.

*Songs in Order of Appearance:

“La Vie en Rose” by Edith Piaf

“Here Comes the Sun” by The Beatles

“Can You Feel the Love Tonight” as performed by Elton John

“Breathe Me” by Sia

[disgruntledspacedad]

in defense of Din’s subdued reaction to losing the kid...

gif by @quantam-widow

I know we were all thinking it. We got a 2 second reaction shot to the destruction of the Razor Crest (may she forever rest in peace), but then, Grogu gets taken, and... nothing?

What the fuck, Din? we all protest. That’s your baby on that ship! Don’t you care? Scream, curse, kick a rock, cry, make a fist, something!!

I will acknowledge that so far, the show has been excellent with giving us emotional payoff, am I right? I mean, just today we got Din laughing, twice. Twice in a row. I honestly never thought we’d see that. There have been so many excellent, precious soft!Din moments this season, and they all feel deliciously earned.

So, from a meta POV, I guess I’m saying that I have faith in the writers to get it right, and in Pedro to deliver. Duh.

In universe, though, I think it’s fair to point out the obvious - that Din is a pretty reserved guy. He’s much more of a thinker than a feeler. He’s used to keeping things bottled up, and I would even argue that his life often depends on his ability to dissociate from his emotions. Din’s entire journey so far has been about how one little baby yodito shakes his worldview to its very foundations. He’s getting there, but it’s a slow process. 

And also, consider this - we haven’t seen Din alone yet, not since Grogu was taken. For a guy who lives a guarded life literally encased in fucking armor, any display of emotion is going to be carefully protected until he’s in private.

But anyway, Din is detached, rational, a little emotionally constipated, and definitely comfortable in a stressful situation. A true ISTP if you ask me (yeah, I know you didn’t, but whatever). Often, it seems that these cool headed, logical types who have never ruffled a feather over anything in their lives are the least adept at handling genuine fear. In other words, when panic does strike, it strikes them hard. 

And guys, Din was definitely panicking during this episode. 

He’s clearly unsettled from the jump - that outburst of “dank farrik!” in the cockpit sells it, and his distress only becomes more obvious from there. Talking out loud, trying to convince himself that the best thing for Grogu is for him to be trained as a Jedi. Reminding himself of the creed. His overt caution as they approach the seeing stone. His impatience, “Are you seeing anything??”

Then there’s the effects of long term stress. Sure, a bounty hunter in the outer rim doesn’t exactly live an easy life, but Din is definitely used to the drama being on his terms. Compare Din’s body language in the opening scene of season one to when Boba confronts him in chapter fourteen. You can just feel the anxiety, the weariness, the frustration. Din has been on the run for months now, constantly looking over his shoulder, sleeping with one eye open. Notice how he even startles at Fennec’s voice? Season one Din would never have given that much away, regardless of the situation. Long term stress has clearly taken a toll on him.

So we have unsettled, stressed out Din in an emotionally charged situation. He’s exhausted, he’s scared, he’s desperate. This scenario is a recipe for even the most level-headed of adrenaline junkies to loose their cool, and that’s exactly what happens to Din. He panics, and he makes some pretty big fuckups because of it. Leaving Grogu unprotected, twice. Trying three different times to break through that “force field,” even when he knew he couldn’t. Dropping that jetpack and then just forgetting about it (I know we were all screaming about that one, or at least, I was).

So, fear is a positive feedback loop. Those neurotransmitters that do us good in a bad situation - raising heart rate, narrowing focus, shunting blood to the muscles - can also be detrimental if we get too high of a dose - tachypnea and tachycardia, inability to think critically and see the big picture, lack of blood and oxygen to the brain. Epinephrine, in particular, even inhibits the laying down of new memory pathways. In other words, stress leads to poor performance, and poor performance leads to more stress, which leads to... you get the idea.

Then, in the middle of all this chaos, they fucking blast the Razor Crest.

More epinephrine, more cortisol, more stress. 

By the end of it all, Din is a fucking shitstorm of stress hormones and pent up emotions. Notice how he seems to be on autopilot in the immediate aftermath, robotically scanning the ashes of the Crest for anything that might be left intact. Notice how empty his voice is when he says, “the child is gone.” This is a dead man walking. Din has nothing left. His whole life has just gone up in smoke, and he can do nothing about it. 

Guys, Din is holding onto his sanity by a fucking thread in this scene. “The child is gone,” he says, like he’s reminding himself, grounding himself in his shitty reality. He’s stunned. 

And helpless. There’s literally nothing he can do for Grogu. He has no ship, no credits, no resources, nothing to bargain with, nothing to offer. Din literally cannot allow himself the luxury of feelings right now. He’s just got to focus on surviving this very shitty day.

Then, Boba Fett upholds his end of the deal, and suddenly, Din has something to hold onto. An ally, a badass friend, some hope. I don’t think Boba shows Din that chain code in order to verify his claim on the armor - he’s already wearing it, for godssake. I think Boba shows him the code in order to catch Din’s attention - hey friend, I know you’re hurting, but I’m a man of my word. When I make a vow, I keep it. Let’s regroup and go find your kid.

And Din would totally latch onto that. A fighting chance? Din fucking leaps at it. There’s a job to do. A kid to save. All of those stress hormones are going to keep on stewing, because Din has never really come down from his adrenaline high. 

It’s like this in real life, too. There isn’t time to be afraid. There isn’t time to be sad, or second-guess, or say, oh how terrible, or wonder what if it doesn’t work? There’s just you and the job, and if you are the only thing standing between life and death, you will put everything else aside and do what you have to do, for as long as you have to do it.

And that’s where Din is at this moment. He’s running on the fumes of his adrenaline, all tempered focus, all strategy and no bullshit.

Emotional shock, my therapist buddy calls it. Apparently, it’s normal. Expected, even.

But guys, the fallout of this kind of crazy ass adrenaline high is insanely intense. I’m talking collapse to the floor, legs won't hold you, trembling, crying so hard you sling snot, shuddering breaths, stare dead-eyed and spent at the ceiling because you’re just too wiped out to even sleep kind of intense. 

And then, after the breakdown comes the angst. The detailed thinking. The oh god, what if this had happened, or, should I have done that instead? It seems like every emotion that gets put on the back burner in the moment comes back to bite you with twofold intensity when all is said and done. 

In other words, Din is definitely going to feels some things .A lot of very intense things. A reckoning is coming, my dudes. Trust me. It’s just not quite here yet.

That being said, here’s what I can expect from Din going forward:

Just like he’s is slow to acknowledge his growing parental feelings for Grogu, I think Din’s going to be slow at processing his grief at Grogu’s loss. In the next episode, he’s got plenty to distract him - getting together his hit team to take back the kid and coordinating an attack on the empire. 

However, I do think we’ll get a slow moment with Din, probably sometime at the beginning of next week’s episode if the pattern holds. I doubt it’s the full-blown breakdown that we’re all needing, but I’m willing to bet money that we’ll see Din grappling with the fact that his kid is gone. I also think that badass beskar murder machine Din from chapter three will resurface. Stress and desperation make us do irrational things, and anger is one of the stages of grief that Din will inevitably have to work through (I think he’s flickering between denial and bargaining for now).

But then, after Din gets Grogu back? I think that’s we’ll have our big, dearly earned emotional payoff. 

For one thing, Din won’t be able to deny his feelings anymore. He wants to keep this kid, it’s so very obvious. Losing him just forces it all to the forefront. 

And then the relief/joy/regret/guilt that Din is going to feel once he’s got Grogu back? Not to mention the physical exhaustion? All of the fear/terror/angst/grief that he ignored in favor of just going pedal to the metal, guns blazing, get the kid or die trying? That shit’s going to crash into him with all the subtly of a fucking tsunami. I guarantee you, we’re going to get some sort of confession, or adoption vow, or face revel, or other sort of profound softness from Dad!Din in the falling action of this season (At least, I hope we get it at the end this season but I wouldn’t put it past them to kick it into the premier of season three, just for pacing reasons, but then again, I obviously have trust issues).

Personally, I would love to see Din grappling with the long-term fallout of losing Grogu - night terrors, guilt, paranoia, etc. That’s probably the stuff of fanfiction - mandalorians don't have nightmares on screen, surely - but still, some lingering effects Grogu’s kidnapping would be realistic, and I would absolutely live for it.

[demonologist-in-denim]

Okay, let’s get into this, because I have put off talking about Crowley’s cut monologue from 12x23 for long enough. If you haven’t already, you can read it here, or in this great gifset.

I absolutely see why this was cut. And I’m only acknowledging it here to talk about why I not only think it doesn’t add anything to Crowley’s story or our understanding of him, but how it actually detracts from it. After that, I intend to ignore it and let it fade away into the ether of the spn fandom. That being said, deleted scenes and cut scripts live in a sort of canonical limbo – you can choose for yourself whether to accept them as canon, consider them glimpses from some alternative universe, or do away with them entirely. I’m choosing the latter in this instance.

(This was meant to be a post, but it turned into an essay.)

Whomever wrote this was either unfamiliar with Crowley as a character, or was intentionally twisting the character in such a way as to fit into the convenient narrative that removed him from the show. Blame it on Chuck in text, blame it on the showrunners outside of text, whatever your preference – this doesn’t read like Crowley.

There are very few parts of this monologue that felt in character, that read like something Crowley would say. Not just in the tone or the choice of words, but the openness of it. And that’s coming from someone who writes reformed and/or human Crowley, with his admittance to remorse and shame and love. In this cut script, he is uncharacteristically vulnerable, sharing self-reflections he would never have shared aloud at this point in his character development. His dialogue lacks the layers of meaning or deflection that Crowley would normally employ, that he employed everywhere else in the show, even when being emotionally vulnerable.

That’s not to say that Crowley didn’t think or feel these things – I will argue to the end of my days (in spn fandom) that after the cure, Crowley hated himself. He hated that he was alone and unloved. Some part of that was due to being a demon and the horrible, evil, messy things he’d done, and some of it he believed was due to his inherent lack of worth. And I think this monologue was written in part to have Crowley make that final confession out loud. Final because, if that’s the case and he’s willing to admit it – to his former enemies and now the only people he really has in his life – his story can only take one of two directions: redemption or death. Embrace the desire for change and move forward as a reformed demon and full Winchester ally, or dramatically (and unnecessarily) sacrifice himself.

And there is a way to write that, but with Crowley properly in character and with the emotional complexity we know him to possess, not this blatant declaration. Maybe the line would have worked depending on how Mark Sheppard played it, and it only falls so flat because it’s just a script – I’m willing to allow for that. But this moment, facing down the boys after letting Lucifer loose, in front of an audience of Mary Winchester that he doesn’t know well and isn’t comfortable with, it doesn’t feel like a moment for Crowley to be this open, this vulnerable, about something so personal and so monumental.

I’ve no doubt that Crowley expected the Winchesters would one day kill him, “for good this time.” He was a demon working alongside a pair of hunters; there was always going to be that risk. Crowley was intelligent, one of the smartest characters on the show. He had to know that was how things would play out – either that, or he would die on their behalf, or because of their actions, even if he had ended up leaving Hell and joining Team Free Will. That was what happened to people around the Winchesters. Crowley warned Kevin of that himself. “They use people up, and leave them to die bloody.” Crowley knew. And as he internalized more and more of his blood-born conscience, Crowley had to believe on some level that he deserved it, especially if he hated himself and what he’d done.

But once again, if Crowley was going to say something like that, that’s not how he’d say it. It would be as a dismissive aside, or a knife in Dean’s gut in a moment of intense emotion between the two of them, or as a rebuke that the Winchesters badly deserved. Or better yet, as something remarked between himself and Cas, who Crowley likely suspected would outlast him but also ultimately die in service of the Winchester cause. Words like those have power. And it’s unlike Crowley to lay them down in supplication like this. It doesn’t even feel like a heart-felt confession, like his monologue in 8x23. It reads like someone wrote what was meant to be under Crowley’s words, the intention behind his dialogue, the much-exalted subtext, but failed to add all the layers on top of it, to put it in actual character.

I’m just going to bundle the whole beginning of the monologue together and toss it out entirely. Firstly because I’ve argued more than once that Crowley is an unreliable narrator when it comes to his human life. What we know of it from Rowena comes with an agenda, and what we know of it from Gavin comes from a man who had a difficult relationship with his father. It’s about as reliable as young Dean telling stories to Sammy about their parents’ time together. And there’s canonical errors in this monologue to back that up – we know Crowley wasn’t buried in a pauper’s grave, because we saw it 6x04. The “dying in a puddle of his own sick” is a great detail in terms of storytelling, but it’s almost directly repeated from Rowena, who said it as a belittling comment to a young Fergus. It’s too forced. And we know at least Gavin came to the funeral, because he tells us so in a deleted scene in 12x13 (remember what I said about getting to pick and choose when it comes to cut scripts and deleted scenes?).

But more importantly – and this is the part that really grates – Crowley’s iteration of his human life reinforces the narrative of absolute morality in the spn universe. It supports the argument that if a character becomes a demon, it must be because they were a terrible person. There is no room for human flaws, for characters to have made mistakes – and that doesn’t just hinder characters in terms of backstory, but in character development and emotional growth moving forward. It’s a stance spn takes more than once, and especially with non-human characters, though never in regards to the Winchesters. The Winchesters can become soulless or demons, but they were “always good” before that, so they are deserving of redemption. If Crowley or other non-humans were “always bad,” that absolves the Winchesters from seeing them as people deserving of help, or of their ability to change, or even to be seen as beings deserving of any level of respect or agency. And it absolves the showrunners from writing a character capable of development, of being able to grow beyond their previous flaws.

That’s not to say that Fergus MacLeod wasn’t some or all of those things. But if he was a complex character – if he was a person, as all stories should aim to present their characters – then he was all of that and more, just as the Winchesters are their virtues and their faults all wrapped up in an individual person. And if Crowley had brought this up some other time, in reference to his human life, none of this discussion would be necessary. It would be easy to say: he’s an unreliable narrator, and this provides us with insight into how Crowley feels about himself, and it would be interesting and valuable. But here, it’s used in justification for Crowley’s status as irredeemable – which is not true – and as part of justification for what happens next.

Crowley’s death was written by the showrunners as an excuse to remove him from the show – attribute that to budget costs for the show, or running out of story ideas for Crowley, or creative laziness, whatever you want. And within spn, it can be attributed to Chuck not wanting another character like Cas muddling up his Winchester Brothersᵀᴹ grand narrative. I’ve written before both in posts and in fic about how Crowley’s character-central instinct for self-preservation crumbles into depression after losing Hell and the seemingly-irreversible depletion of his and Dean’s friendship in 12x23. And that this ushers in a desire to End in such a way that achieves revenge against Lucifer (not a significant motivation, in my opinion, you’ve got to outlive your enemies to win against them), earns him the appreciation of the Winchesters, saves the world (proving his capacity for good), and brings about an end to his waiting. Glory through death, redemption in death – tropes that are hard to associate with Crowley unless you buy into his character’s devolvement in the latter half of season 12, but which the writers do their best to smooth into place and the fandom was forced to choke down.

And I won’t argue that Crowley didn’t wanted an end to his waiting – I’d argue the opposite in fact. This blatant preference for suicide, however, is antithesis to everything Crowley. What Crowley wanted in that End wasn’t an end of himself, but an end to existing in a state of perpetual limbo. Be accepted by the good guys, embrace his more human aspects, or return to the full dark depravity of demonkind. An end to the emotional rollercoaster, to continuous and destructive self-doubt, to striving to be both the king Hell needed and the ally the Winchesters refused to admit they benefited from having. That’s entirely different than wanting to end himself. As much as Crowley hated himself, he would never have considered death to be a preferable option – not unless some outside force, be it Chuck or the spn showrunners, decided otherwise for him.

Even if that had been the case, and I am wrong about Crowley’s characterization and his motivations, I still do not think he would have been as open about that motivation as is written in this cut script. It is just not like him. It is too vulnerable, too self-pitying. Crowley was always concerned about the others around him, and especially the Winchesters, thinking less of him. He never would have said something like this to them, not as this is written. Nor would Crowley have gone to the Winchesters with the intention of them killing him. He might have known it was a possibility, once he confessed his actions, (and from his perspective, there was the chance the Winchesters didn’t know of his involvement in Lucifer’s escape anyway), but it would never have been his intention. It’s not unknown for Crowley to encourage abuse from those he’s wronged, and to revel in the attention and emotions of it (here I’m thinking specifically of Kevin beating him in 9x02), maybe considering the punishment just and due. And Crowley at this point likely suspected he would eventually meet his end in some way involving the Winchesters. But death by their hands in this moment would have involved none of the justifying benefits of death by his own hand only a few scenes later – glory, revenge, redemption, a sense of closure.

Compare this cut monologue and its potential death – at the hands of the Winchesters after confessing his role in Lucifer’s escape – to this cut line of dialogue from later in 12x23. “Tell Dean he was right – you bloody fools have rubbed off on me.” This is Crowley. This is emotional complexity, admittance to a change of heart, self-awareness, and a brave act of equal defiance and sacrifice, with his usual smug, snarky dismissal. This isn’t suicide brought on by depression, by an uncharacteristic vulnerability. It is resolved, determined, if reluctant. This is Crowley choosing the greater good and the boys, even if it means sacrificing himself.

For me, this small addition smooths over much of the unevenness in the showrunner’s attempts to justify Crowley’s death. He has lost Hell, he believes he’s had an irreversible falling out with Dean – all of which could be overcome, grown beyond. But then a rift opens, and Lucifer is an immediate danger, and it requires a life to save the day. Crowley knows it can’t be either of the boys – that tends to have world-ending effects – and it can’t be Mary Winchesters or Castiel, because of “Winchester man-pain.” So that leaves Crowley. And having exhausted all immediate alternatives, Crowley does what internalized Winchester logic and conscience tells him is right. It would still require a moment of hesitation, a moment we see him combatting his deeply imbedded trait of self-preservation. But at least that would have been in character and show definitive character growth on Crowley’s part.

So yes, I completely agree with the decision to cut this monologue in 12x23. It doesn’t tell us anything about Crowley that we don’t already know, and is uncharacteristic of him, and provides out-of-character justification for his actions that wasn’t needed. You don’t have to agree with me, obviously. And I’ll end this rather long rant of an essay by saying what I always say: that Crowley deserved better. He deserved better than the mangling of his character’s motivations in the latter half of season 12, and he deserved better than this monologue. I’m glad it was cut from the final script.

[sheepfulsheepyardinspace]

Do you have any Star Wars fanfic recommendations, or have a link to someone else's list? I really wanna veg out.

oh my god, DO I. this may have been the best ask in the world. i’m not really sure what u want a feel for, so i threw together some of my favorite longfics for maximum veg time from the ot/pt and links for swr and swtcw recs. they’re pretty much all luke-anakin/vader centric, since that’s kinda my bread and butter.

let’s start with frodogenic, who wrote the first longfic i ever read in sw and might be one of the funniest authors ever. they once reviewed my fanfic & i nearly cried from joy. anyway. 

The Father, 284k+, complete. “Ten years after ROTS, tormenting nightmares of his unborn child drive Darth Vader to extraordinary measures with unexpectedly drastic consequences. Clearly, experience has taught Darth Vader nothing...” 

this is my og star wars fic and boy oh boy is it amazing. i will never get over this. i don’t want to spoil anything but when i say the final chapters are great? i mean they’re legendary. sometimes i still think about them & wish upon a star that i could be such a great writer. vader’s amazing, han is spectacular, and the ocs are fantastic.

Far More Than Rubies, 70k+, complete. “Nine years after AOTC, tragedy revisits the Lars Homestead. Little Luke Skywalker is suddenly plunged into chaos as the rebel movements discover a secret military project that may make a crucial difference in the war with the Empire.”

the spiritual twin of The Father, FMTR takes a look at padmé’s character and relationship with both luke and anakin/vader that’s hard to beat. it’s darker and heavier than The Father, but it hits those same sweet, sweet emotional beats while raising the age-old question: if padmé had lived, what would she have done?

The Family Tree, 12k, complete. “In which Luke Skywalker is stranded in a tree waiting for a flash flood to recede. Too bad he's got company...”

okay, i admit, this isn’t a longfic, but it is a longshot, and it’s amazing. the imagery and description always blow me away, and the interaction (canon-compliant) between luke and vader just [chef’s kiss] get me. vader’s in full, glorious form, and it makes it all the harder when luke wrestles with the knowledge that vader is his father.

Sibling Revelry, 25k, complete. “After Bespin and before Endor, Darth Vader is shocked to discover that Luke and Leia are twins. He's even more shocked when Imperial Intelligence reports that Organa and Skywalker are, erm, a tad closer than previously suspected.”

this is complete crack and humor in the best way possible. it’s crack treated entirely seriously, and you will be in stitches, i promise. no matter how many times i’ve read this i break down.

KittandChips (@kittandchips) writes what i can only describe as food for the soul. the luke-vader interaction is insanely amazing, the world building of daily imperial life and imperial governance is amazing, and vader just has a special je ne sais quoi that u must read to understand––tragic, funny, and so, so fatherly. they’re currently rewriting the Force Bond Series to fit in with newer canon, so i will joyously binge reread the entire again (including the new Force Bond: Mustafar Weekend).

Force Bond 1: Orphan, 47k, complete. “After Owen and Beru are killed by a mysterious stranger, young Luke ends up as an orphan on Coruscant. It's a race against time as Obi-Wan struggles to find Luke before Vader realizes the boy is his son.”

Orphan kicks off the series, which tracks vader and luke’s relationship through the perils of luke’s teenagerhood while growing up under the eye of the emperor and imperial court. it’s filled with slow growth, struggle and misunderstandings as darth vader tries to single parent, and pay off in every installment. the entire series clocks in around 777k+ and is the most joyful, fulfilling reading you’ll ever have. promise.

darth-nickels (@darth--nickels) writes darker, twistier, and terribly, terribly heartwrenching aus. they’ve got a whole host, but let me introduce to my two favorites. also, check out their faux-academia on vader. it’s amazing and i love it, but i admit i am an academia hoe.

Dooku Captured, Pt 2, 16k, complete. “Dooku is taken alive onboard the Invisible Hand, and Sidious' web is torn. The Sith Lord wonders if death might have been preferable to clumsy interrogation by Anakin Skywalker.”

Dooku Captured is a longshot au told from Dooku’s pov which takes the beginning of ROTS and throws it on its head. it’s a fascinating outside perspective of anakin and obi-wan’s relationship and such and interesting examination of dooku’s psyche and especially his complex relationship with the jedi order, qui-gon, yoda, and palpatine. i cannot rec this one enough.

Black Mirror, 90k, incomplete. “The Ghost crew returns to the Lothal when they hear the Empire is investigating the Jedi Temple there. They learn Vader is alone and decide to take him out-- but what they find could change the course of Galactic history.”

Black Mirror diverges into swr territory, but make no mistake: this is entirely an examination of vader and, later, obi-wan as well as ahsoka. luke makes his appearance later in the game, and boy oh boy will you love luke’s portrayal is a microcosm of luke and vader’s relationship within canon. heed the tags, though.

jerseydevious ( @jerseydevious ) is, first and foremost, one of my favorite people on earth. secondly, though, she’s an amazing writer with a deep understanding of vader’s character and psyche, a flair for beautiful depictions, and the true ability to wring every emotion out of your body.

Two and a Half Men (with a baby), 13k, incomplete. “After a long day of bargaining with Hutts and attempting to ignore his past, Darth Vader is nearing the end of his rope. When he discovers his two-year-old son, it's the straw that breaks the semi-rational Sith Lord's back; in a rash act worthy of the Skywalker name, he scoops his son into his arms, steals a shuttle from his own fleet, and punches in random hyperspace coordinates to a destination on the other side of the galaxy. Unfortunately, father and son are not the only ones on the ship.”

Two and a Half Men will stick with you, dude. like no other. i promise. it’s a whirlwind ride with obi-wan, vader, and piett and as funny as it is heartbreaking. it touches on some heavy issues and doesn’t shy away from looking at the damage done to vader––again, heed the tags.

Helioseismology, 4k, complete. “Luke gets shot down on a supply run and caught in an ice storm. It's extremely lucky that his father followed him there.“

i’ll admit. im completely biased about this one because it was a birthday gift to me and i am sucker for litcherally anything when jd puts pen to paper, but believe me when i say you will be awed by the depth and tangled relationships between these luke and vader that jersey can illustrate in a stroke of the paintbrush. im love. always.

izzythehutt ( @izzythehutt ) i am blown away by the intricate dialogue and characterization, always. and the latin puns? im sold. im also a sucker for latin puns, but that’s a story for a different time.

In Loco Pirates, 34k, complete. “A down-on-his-luck Hondo Ohnaka manages to capture the unicorn of all bounties--Luke Skywalker, which sends Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, on a painfully familiar trip to the planet Florrum to collect his prize. The failed negotiations leave Vader in the awkward position of being stuck in a besieged pirate bunker, trying to balance keeping his wayward child safe (and in his custody) with controlling the tongue of a loose-lipped pirate who--to the surprise of no one--has a bad habit of telling 'amusing' anecdotes from the Clone Wars.”

hondo, aka the best character of swtcw, is brought to life just as vividly on paper as on screen. his entire personality brings luke and vader’s difficulties in a sort of incredulous light, which makes it as funny as it is vulnerable and tragic. the sequel, Palpatine Ad Portas, brings piett into the spotlight, and oh man do his interactions with palpatine and vader bring u all the uncomfortable vibes. relish in it.

sparklight ( @littlesparklight ) man. lemme introduce u to an amazing prolific and detailed writer. i will never get over the series they’ve written & neither will u.

Where Our Intrepid Hero Doesn’t Get Away, 122k, incomplete. “One-shots surrounding either AU situations of canon/legends works where Luke would normally have gotten away (or Vader is simply inserted into the action to come pick his child up) but in these instances doesn't, or completely new scenarios of the same. There are no deep ruminations on consequences of the situations here, just our awful Sith dad picking his son up when he'd rather not be.”

exactly what it says on the tin. u know those glorious moments of fanfic where luke’s gotten captured and ur on pins and needles, waiting for vader to show up in a moment of dark glory? here’s the moment. here’s all the moments.

Space Race, 122k, incomplete. “Owen gives in to Luke's wish to attend the Imperial Academy and Obi-Wan is too late to avert it, though he's not too late to make sure Luke leaves Arkanis before Vader can gets his hands on him. Luke spends over a month running around the galaxy before his father gets him, and from there...”

this story relishes in chase and boy is it fun. it will keep you on the edge of your seat and it’s an amazing ride.

The Suns of Tatooine, 85k, complete. “Luke ends up on a moon swamped in dark side energy after a mission goes wrong, then his father appears... and then they go on a bit of a learning experience. This could've been the only thing that would come of getting through a Sith complex with his father, but thanks to going to free Han earlier than the gang did otherwise, more revelations are had. Will that change anything?”

this series is a thoughtful, contemplative piece examining the nature of the force and the relationship the skywalkers have with tatooine. the descriptions are beautiful, the inventiveness is amazing, and you’ll be thinking about it for long afterwards.

an additional few…

Between Flight and Longing; 34k, complete. “Luke Skywalker and Han Solo journey to the planet Balen'ar on a desperate mission and find more than they'd bargained for.”

a classic and it is for a reason. the interaction between han, luke, and vader is so spectacular and the slow trudge of going through the forest with your greatest enemy and best friend is something hilarious. the end is bittersweet and fantastic.

The Sith Who Brought Life Day, 13k, complete. “An Imperial officer loses a bet and has to get Darth Vader a present for Life Day.”

somewhere between terrifying and dull, this fic presents a canon-compliant look at the hunt for luke and the grinding wheels of the empire. the oc is amazing and it echoes in true star wars spirit: sometimes it’s just some dude who can change the galaxy.

Quintessence, 5k, complete. ‘“Well, Master, I think I’ve found the one positive aspect of this situation.” “Which is?” “The Temple won’t have to pay the costs for our funeral pyres.”’

pure hilarity and shenanigans abound in pre-aotc obi-wan and anakin hijink goodness. lemme tell u––u will deeply sympathize with mace windu afterwards. additionally, check out the rest of the author’s oneshots! they’re deeply thoughtful and the interactions the author writes between obi-wan and anakin are always gold.

some extras & shameless self-promotion

here’s a full list of recommendations for star wars rebels fanfic in case this is what you’re looking for (remember when this used to be a swr blog, lmao)

i’ve also written sw fanfic, both swr and luke-vader centric. drop by and tell me if it’s any good!

[twstarchives]

Jade Leech・Voice Lines

Additional Voice Lines

Beans Camo event card

Scary Dress event card

School Uniform - R

Unlock Card “I was just preparing some tea. Why don’t you take a break?”

Groovy “I’d like to enjoy my time here on land.”

Home Setting “Pardon me.”

Home Transitions “Floyd comes to visit my classes every once in a while. He may not look like it, but he’s rather clingy.”

“History on land is quite interesting. It’s very different from the stories they tell us in the sea.”

“Clothes feel so restrictive... It’s been a while since I came on land, but I’m still not used to them.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “How coincidental it is that we meet here. ...Hm? What’s the matter? Of course it was only coincidence.”

Home Taps “My grades? Hm... I apologize, but I’m not interested in receiving any judgment from others.”

“Are you familiar with terrariums at all? Caring for miniature gardens is difficult, but I truly enjoy it.”

“Riddle is very dedicated; I respect him as a classmate. I’m not sure what he thinks about me, however.”

“I don’t particularly enjoy having attention on me. I’d say Azul is the best suited for attracting others.”

“Oh dear, you might hurt yourself if you keep acting so rash.”

PE Uniform - R

Unlock Card “I’m not keen on the idea of running around, but... I will do it if I must.”

Groovy “Let’s strive to be neither good nor bad.”

Home Setting “Now then, we must work our hardest.”

Home Transitions “What’s the matter? ...It makes it difficult to keep going when you’re watching me move so intently.”

“Initially, it was very difficult for me to run, much less stand on my feet. But I’ve gotten quite used to it now.”

“I think I’d like to eat something light before exercising. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I tend to get hungry easily.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Keeping up your fitness is an important factor in enjoying the mountains and all of our surrounding nature. What do you say about joining me?”

Home Taps “My parents trained me in the art of self-defense starting from a young age. That’s something I’m very grateful for even today.”

“I thought we’d be cleaning the Mostro Lounge today... but it seems Floyd has run off again.”

“I picked some odd plants I found in the mountains to grow in my terrarium. I hope I raise them well.”

“I’m not the best at Flying. ...Heheh, who am I kidding? I’m not as awful as Azul.”

“Are you perhaps...? Nevermind, it’s nothing. Bravery and recklessness aren’t the same.”

Lab Coat - SR

Unlock Card “If there’s something I’m interested in, I’m going to want to thoroughly research it. I have a passion for learning.”

Groovy “If you’re curious about the Mountain Lovers Club, feel free to stop by to take a look anytime.”

Home Setting “Conducting experiments is one of my strengths. ...Do you have any questions?”

Home Transitions “Magic Potions requires intelligence, not so much magic power. As someone who has no magic, this is the perfect subject for you, don’t you think?”

“Heheh. Perhaps you should consider having a talk with Azul if you hate studying for exams this much.”

“I’m rather confident in my ability to brew potions. ‘Why,’ you ask? Who can say?”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “I was completely engrossed in a sketch I was working on, that when I snapped up, I saw everyone had already left the lab. How cold-hearted of them all.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Would you mind telling me your preferences for the Mostro Lounge menu? I will use them as a reference.”

Home Taps “I enjoy the thrill of never knowing what’s going to happen next whenever Floyd is around. If only we were put in the same classes...”

“Heheh. Whenever I see someone heavily concentrating on something, I get the urge to start talking to them. ...Is that cruel of me?”

“Carrying out an experiment is a race against the clock. Sometimes it’s important to start taking risks and trying your hardest with them.”

“I like the Botanical Garden. ...Oh, is that a surprise? I may not seem like it, but I’m always brimming with curiosity.”

“Have you heard of the phrase, ‘Haste makes waste’? ...No, I suppose I shouldn’t even ask.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “In the Mountain Lovers Club I founded, we study the plants we pick as well. ...Oh my, are you perhaps interested?”

Ceremony Robes - SR

Unlock Card “The entrance ceremony is truly nostalgic. Have you grown accustomed to Night Raven College yourself yet?”

Groovy “I hope your time at this academy is a pleasant one.”

Home Setting “There’s so much to do on the day of the ceremony.”

Home Transitions “I’m not used to outfits with so many layers. After all, I don’t come from a race of fish with fluttering tail fins, such as the ones they keep in aquariums.”

“I enjoy observing people, however I get uncomfortable when it’s done to me. I suppose this would mean I’m shy?”

“If you have any spare rooms in the Ramshackle Dorm, how much would you charge to lend them to other students? I think I’d enjoy living somewhere with ghosts...”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “It’s nice how quiet ceremony days are. Normally everything is so wild.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Are you nervous? I’ll brew some relaxing tea for you. It will almost put you to sleep.”

Home Taps “I was quite surprised when I learned which dorms the Mirror of Darkness had sorted us into. Although, I had thought Azul and Floyd would be in the same dorm.¹”

“Floyd caused a bit of an uproar during our entrance ceremony as well. Just like you and Grim. Heheh.”

“The custom humans have of changing their clothes depending on the circumstance is very interesting. It’s similar to fish who change the color of their scales to blend in with their surroundings.”

“I often lose track of time while gazing at the stars. I’m not necessarily into astrology, I just find them interesting.”

“Heheh, that isn’t very nice of you. Please don’t mock me.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Are you familiar with the history of Night Raven College? These ceremony robes have a greater impact on you once you know.”

Dorm Uniform - SSR

Unlock Card “There’s no need to worry; I only want to help you.”

“Heheh... I’m truly honored you called for me. There is something I could do to make all your wishes come true.”

Groovy “I will take care of any requests you may have. Please don’t worry; I’m very familiar with self-indulgences.”

Home Setting “I will show you around Octavinelle any time you wish.”

Home Transitions “I’m employed as a waiter at the Mostro Lounge. I’ll strive to receive you with the utmost hospitality.”

“Should you ever find that something is troubling you, I recommend paying a visit to Azul. He could make any wish come true. Heheh.”

“Merfolk must be prepared for all sorts of problems when living on land. This lifestyle is so terribly different.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “It must be fate that I ran into you like this. Would you care for a spot of tea? I will prepare some.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Azul would do anything to achieve his goals... That is to say, he truly works his hardest. It’s easy not to perceive him as such, though.”

Home Taps “Pay what you owe. Even a baby fish should understand this, but every once in a while I run into some unreasonable people.”

“Contrary to what some may think, I’m not exactly interested in earning money. I simply enjoy anything that entertains me.”

“We may not have enough legs to say ‘Just like the Sea Witch’s,’ however the deep, glossy black of our dorm uniforms certainly gives off the impression of her hidden power.”

“Floyd always whines ‘I hate it so tight!’ and undoes his bowtie. I keep tying it for him, but it always ends the same way.”

“This will certainly cost you a heavy price. ...Only joking. I would never say that. Yes, ‘I’ wouldn’t.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “I always welcome the unknown. Please, I encourage you to play an even more active role in everything.”

Duo Magic Jade: May I ask that you entrust me with this today, Floyd? Floyd: ‘Kay~ Jade. What’re you going to do~?

Birthday Celebration Outfit - SSR

This card was only obtainable during Jade and Floyd’s birthday event (Nov 04 - Nov 11, 2020).

Login on Birthday “Welcome to our birthday party. I’m certain Floyd will be very happy to know you’ve arrived. Now, I’ve prepared some food. Heheh, there’s no need to be shy. I’m simply doing as I please.”

Unlock Card “I’m looking forward to seeing how you’ll receive me as a guest.”

“What day is it today? Let’s see, what is it...? Only kidding. I know. Floyd and I have our birthday today.”

Groovy “I’m very pleased you came to celebrate for me. You have my sincerest gratitude.”

Home Setting “So this is the outfit we have to wear today... I will try to pull it off.”

Home Transitions “Azul gave me a large aquarium for my birthday. No, it isn’t for me to swim in. I’m using it for my terrariums.”

“Simply watching everyone put together this party didn’t sit well with me, so I contributed one dish. Do you know which one?”

“It’s surprising that I eat so much? I hear that a lot. But it’s because of that that I’ve grown this tall.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “I enjoy parties. They allow you to hear many unusual stories from those who always have dynamic surroundings.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Should I pour some tea? ...The star of the day shouldn’t be the one doing that. Well, let’s just say it’s my thank-you for coming to celebrate.”

Home Taps “Ruggie gave me two wild plant recipes for my birthday. I believe I still know how to cook them... I’m very curious.”

“Our parents ask us what we want for our birthday every year, but Floyd and I have never asked for the same thing. Even twins have different tastes.”

“I received special tea leaves blended by Vil himself. The flavor is phenomenal; you can tell it’s a high-class product.”

“What do I want for my birthday? ...Art supplies. Lately, I haven’t just been collecting fruits and herbs from the mountains; I’ve started working on field sketches as well.”

“How playful you are to fire a party cracker without warning me first. It’s only right if I return a surprise to you... isn’t it?”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Hm? What was it you just said? Could you repeat that one more time? Only joking. I just wanted to hear you wish me a happy birthday over and over.”

Duo Magic Jade: Oh, you came to wish me a happy birthday as well, Jack? Jack: Yeah! Happy birthday, Jade!

Tutorial “May I ask what your plans are for today? Wherever you go, I shall accompany you.”

Lv Up “Oh my, you seem to have taken a fancy to me.”

“My apologies. I’ll strive to live up to your expectations.”

“Heheh. This feels rather nice.”

Lv Up Max “Brimming with all of this power... I am shocked to say the least. Heheh, it’s certainly not a bad feeling.”

Episode Lv Up “How strange. At first, I thought you were nothing but a drab human, but... Ah, don’t get mad at me. My impression of you has changed since then.”

Magic Lv Up “Magic on land is so interesting. I absolutely want to try it out.”

Limit Break “How very kind of you to have gone this far for me. I will do my best to live up to your expectations.”

Groovy “I seem to have gotten ahead of myself and acted rather unsightly. Heheh.”

Lesson Select “Please, choose any class you like. I will join you if I’m interested.”

“Trust that I will aid you in any of your classes. I am always prepared for anything.”

“Would you like me to choose my most recommended class for you? As you can’t make up your mind.”

Lesson Start “Let’s enjoy ourselves again today.”

Lesson End “Good work everyone. Let’s do our best next time.”

Battle Start “Please don’t be too rough.”

Battle Win “I had hoped I could keep having fun with this... Oh well.”

Other

Profile Quote “It’s your own fault that you didn’t fulfill the contract you signed.”

January 2020 Trailer “If you ever have any problems, then we will help you.”

Countdown Poster “If you’d like all your dreams to come true, then come here.”

Login Bonus Greeting “Since you work so hard, I’ve prepared a gift for you. I won’t request any compensation for it. Please, go ahead and accept it.”

Player Birthday Wish “Happy birthday. This isn’t much, but here is a present from me. Oh! But don’t open it here. That wouldn’t be fun at all. You must do it in secret, when you’re all alone... Understood?”

[whereflowersbloom]

Questions

Damian found his girlfriend standing out on the lovely vine-shaded balcony, dressed in civilian clothes and staring out into the city. Night turned Gotham into an endless sea of luminescence. Skyscrapers around the city glow with the light of thousands of residents inside, creating trails of brilliance that ascend up towards the starry sky. It is quite beautiful, in its own way. The soft evening breeze caressing her ebony hair, creating wafts of lavender and rosemary in the air. Had she always been this breathtakingly beautiful? Slowly, Damian set his gaze towards the stars above. The precision that Raven studied the sky with passion, it fascinated him. It was as if she was reading lines from a story book, but instead there was a mass of speckled lights as she was connecting them, tracing invisible lines.

Raven took a deep breath of fresh night air and sighed, a mix of contentment, and something else, she couldn’t point it. “Have you ever considered what your life would be like If you had taken a different path?” Her breath hitched on the last word but her eyes had glance sideway to his large calloused hand still in hers, for someone who appeared to be controlling and unapproachable, Damian was surprisingly gentle and affectionate. The question caught him off guard. He felt a bubble of longing as he remembered her words that night at the carnival when she had called him kind and generous, nobody had ever spoken that way about him. That night something inside him changed, high and fenced walls began to crumble down.

Soaking in the view a little longer, Damian waited a few minutes before deciding to speak. He supposed that the saying that one’s life flashes before their eyes must hold some kind of truth, though he was not dying, and yet he had been dangerously close to the gates of death several times. Raven was his anchor amidst the unpredictability of their life as titans, always bringing him back from the turbulent waters. He couldn’t stop himself from recalling the most memorable moments of his unusual and complex life. He exhaled a long audible breath as he begins.” My life had been long decided before I was born into this world.” He murmured to the whistling wind, his words sounding faraway, even to his own ears. He would rather not relive any of the horrors he’d seen, the terrible acts he had committed in order to build a new world, make it better. What a blind and naive child he had been. At some point he had been ready to surrender his sword, his Robin suit, his claim to fight for others, offer her perhaps a normal life if that’s what she wished for. He would give her anything she asked for in a heartbeat. He squeezed her small hand tighter, Raven immediately noticed way he’s gripping onto it, like she’s the only thing keeping him tethered to this world. “After some time coming to the tower, I contemplated a rather uneventful, ordinary life. If my parents had conceived me under very different circumstances. If mother loved me more than her own insatiable ambitions. If father wasn’t the eccentric, mysterious millionaire Bruce Wayne or a vigilante consumed by his thirst to serve justice.” There was a tone of melancholy in his voice, the promise of a different retelling of a story. His story. “It wasn’t all bad. Mother…she used to read to me, every one now and then, nights like these. Tales about the greatest leaders in history, others about the origin of the Al Ghul dynasty. I treasured those moments.” He looked over at her, and he didn’t seem to recognize her for a moment, like the memory had been so strong it had actually confused him, taking him back to that instant. This was the most he’d ever really said about his mother. His past as an Al Ghul. Sure he’d shared some stories, about certain things he enjoyed and disliked. But he never spoke about Talia with such profound emotions. This was personal and precious to Damian. It saddened her. Saddened for the pain in his emerald eyes that he was trying to hide. Another long breath was blown between his full lips, and he deflated again, like he was accepting the undeniable truth. “Perhaps I would have met Jon at a local school and we would play basketball after classes and Greyson would be the team’s coach. Maybe we would have crossed paths at the extensive and valuable Gotham Public Library. I would have offered to treat you a cup of Earl Grey tea. A part of me believed I’d have picked Veterinary medicine as my bachelor degree.”

She looked at him with such intensity and Damian thought her violet eyes grew deeper, darker, more reflective. She was weighing her own reflection in his eyes, trying to see through him like she always did. And they both were visualizing, a different life consisting of trivialities, a simple lifestyle, maybe in the countryside, a rather nice and quiet house, perhaps similar to the Kent farm with some slight but substantial improvements. “What about you?” He abruptly asked her, startling her. Oh she had never been sure about her own future. “As the daughter of an inter-dimensional demon. I didn’t think a future was possible for me. A happy family, a stable romantic relationship, loyal friends. Everything was endless blackness when I was trapped by Trigon. What I have right now is more any blissful future I could have imagined.” She muttered softly. This companionship between them, the mutual care, the tender loving, the sense of equality between them, the feeling of belonging to each other beyond any outer interference because they chose one another. Their family and friends. Everything was more than enough. Damian was unconsciously too absorbed at how she looked at the whole world as one precious thing, values life in every form and shape. Her unnatural powers gave her the ability to look into something and see what others can’t. It was fascinating. He was thankful too, sincerely appreciated what he had. His father, troublesome siblings adoptive or not, his teammates and Raven. He is product of the flames which burnt him, his actions, his choices and the will that made him grow formidable instead of breaking. They both were. This woman was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his human days with.

“There’s something that wouldn’t change. You. It’s always been you, Raven.” He’s got a dazed look in his eyes, a familiar bright gleam to them that hadn’t been there earlier, but he flashed her a dazzling smile at her, one that make her insides jump. Raven let his words sink in. He wanted her even if things were different and joy seeped through her whole body.

She just felt greedily wanting more time with him, every moment and experience. She loved him, from the possessive way he held her or how he kept on touching her the instant they are alone and he felt he same. They have been together for a few years now, it took them some time to announce it to their significant others. No matter how things turned out, they have this genuine, real and consuming love. That emotion when you felt like your lungs are out of air when your lover is away from you, everything was so intense and yet so tender, you were worried it would break between your fingers like crusty autumn leaves. She focused on him.

Damian looked out of his depths. He’d always been so controlled and measured, knew the weight of his every word and was completely unflappable despite whatever life threw at him, but now he didn’t. He seemed as if he was nervous, unable to spell out his own feelings. Hesitant. Could be her imagination but she sensed a slight agitation awakening in him.

“Marry me, Raven.” The words are said with his whole heart. They are genuine and honest and very him. He couldn’t hold back the words any longer. Why wait anyway? theres simply no time when you’re busy saving the world day-to-day. There’s no question to calculate when is the right right or your fated person, no formula for the correct time. Timing. There’s no use reminding about the past or the life they would have dreamed to have. The present was a gift and ultimately what matters the most. They have been romantically involved for 4 years now. He knew she was the one the moment he gathered courage to ask her out, court her properly the way he had been taught. Initially, he planned to propose differently but it felt right. This conversation only strengthened his resolve to make a Raven his wife.

“Damian.” She breathed with astonishment.

“No buts. Marry me.” He commanded with an eyebrows raised stopping her from coming up with an unnecessary excuse, content filling his veins and the marrow of his bones, flooding him with a blanket of warmth and hope. He didn’t want to wait anymore. He wanted her, now and tomorrow and the rest of his existence, and she loves him. Like he knew she’s always had her doubts on if she could be loved or she did before they started dating.

Her bottom lip trembled momentarily. She felt a bit like she can’t breathe properly, but then Damian is reaching up and gently cupping her cheek, and she exhaled shakily as he runs the pad of his thumb over her lips. He was looking at her dead serious, asking her to marry him. “I’m not taking the chance to wait too long.” Damian whispered urgently. His tone more serious than before. Her heart was hammering in her chest. They moved in together about a year ago. Were they ready to take the next step?

It felt too real all of a sudden. Too damn real, and she wants to drown in it this moment, in this bottomless sea of feelings for him. She wanted to pretend that this is real and more than that, she wanted to say yes. Damian Wayne didn’t take a no for an answer. When he was determined, he did everything posssihke to get it, one way or another. And she loves him nonetheless. Raven felt her heart flutter, her chest tightened ever so slightly as she finally exhaled. “Yes. I’ll marry you, Damian.”

“I love you.” Her voice breaking as tears are rolling down her cheeks and the small smile on her lips. It was easy to find herself gravitating toward Damian, falling back into that wordless sync they had. To feel herself being pulled into his personal space as he crowded hers. Until they faced each other with barely inches between them and her breath hitched as he snaked his arms around her, emerald eyes softened, glowing against the moonlight, they didn’t leave her, and his arms made the distance between them disappear. Their lips are barely touching but he can feel the softness, the plumpness of her mouth, like an overripe fruit. She brushes her lips against his and Damian rapidly kissed her fervently. His lips breathing silent ‘I love you’s. The low giggle that rumbled up through her could not be contained though she tried. She knew several language but no words could describe this ecstatic happiness.

Damian is overwhelmed by the sweet taste, the delicious scent, the warm feel of her. He was intoxicated and drunk off their hungry kiss. He trailed his hand on her waist up her back and feels her heart hammering against her ribs and wonders for a moment if she’s feeling as consumed by the kiss as he is. If she is as incredibly happy as he is right in this moment. He didn’t need a different life, this one was exactly what he wished for.

Damian made a mental note to ask Jon to accompany him ring shopping tomorrow. Tonight he had plans to celebrate his engagement with his gorgeous fiancée.

His lips brushed hers in a soft, tender rhythm once again. Once. Twice. Thrice. Harder, and a little bit hungrier than before, until her fingers are intertwined in his hair and his solid body is pressing against her frame. He lifted her up effortlessly, taking a few steps back, taking her back to their bedroom. Two figures bathed in tranquil starlight disappeared.

Oneshot because I need fluff. Final edit

Thank you to @chromium7sky @ravenfan1242 @deep-in-mind67 and all my readers for motivating me to write. This might be the last chapter for a while. 💜💜

[writing-frenzy]

Airplane gets Ghosted~

Brain: :D

Me: Oh no, what did you do.

Brain: Let’s make another Airplane Harem~

Me. 🥺 why are you like this?!

Note: Inspired by A Crowd of Evil Spirits Lines Up to Confess to Me; pretty funny horror unlimited flow story, with some good scares that leave ya at the edge of your seat. (I really love the Protagonist, so good and pure and I headcannon as Aro-Ace~) So anyways, for those who don’t know, in the novel, the Protagonist Gu Wuji is a genuinely good person, an aspiring actor on hard times who suddenly gets pulled into this horror survival game. Here is the thing; while for others this is a truly cursed and terrible thing, for the protag this is just a regular day, just with some people who need some help; he will help Ghosts just as much as he would help a human.

Ghost: *being Scary*

Gu Wuji: Oh no, let me help you? *smiles*

Ghost: *either a blushing mess, happy to be helped, or can feel how strong this human is and is the one scared instead*

So yeah, here this man goes, bewitching everyone he meets, especially terrifying Ghosts who want him to die so they can stay together forever 🙃 Lucky he is so charming, and that with every Instance cleared, he can get points to get items and information/hints from the store.

And then I though about Airplane being in this position and I just grinned.

So, to preface this, I’m going to go on how I think Airplane has been raised in this AU.

Basically, since our favorite writer was young, Airplane was pretty much raised by ghosts. With two increasingly furious and arguing parents who couldn’t care less about him, they don’t notice at all how weird their kid is, not wanting to be reminded of old memories. So thus start’s Airplane’s growing up more comfortable with the headless car-crash victim who helps him know when his bullies are around then actual living people who only seem to try and tear each other apart more then most dead ever want to. Not to say he hasn’t met some mean dead too, but all they seem to care about is just scaring him off so they can be alone. Which, fair.

Just... Airplane is still Airplane, but for him, normal is dealing with the Ghostly Neighbor who will at least hear him out most of the time, especially since most Living people are assholes.

(Also, Airplane will have some of the strength that Gu Wuji is known for, but he mostly just has a really good head for intelligence, logistics, plots, and strategy... Let’s just say Airplane has seen and been through some shit in his younger years.) 

I am also being a gremlin and making Shen Jiu and Yue Qi be the friends Airplane makes in middle school, Shen Jiu being superstitious as fuck and Yue Qi going along with it, even as he because more WTF the longer they are friends with Airplane and fully realize ‘Shit, ghost are fucking real, nope, nope, nope.’ It is a beautiful, disaster of a trio and their friendship is eternal... (even if Shen Jiu will never forgive/hold over Yue Qi for leaving him with the ghost in the fucking burned down Mansion, even if Airplane fixed it; apparently it had something to do with their previous incarnations?)

So yeah, these guys are released out into the world, where Airplane writes really good, if bloody dramas, asking his Ghost Friends if he can use some of their stories and them either not caring or excited as they give him the go ahead. (The Police have some questions...)

Sure, he writes some bad porn on the side, but with some of his Ghost friends able to beta read for him, Airplane is able to stay a float nice and easy, if still anxious every time he has to pay the rent because human interaction is so hard when you’re dealing with the living. (Don’t have to worry about meeting someone’s eyes if they’re gouged out after all)

And then we get to the Instances :) (Now, besides the first one that does happen First, these others could happen with one or two between them.)

First Instance(Novice): The Traitor’s Secret~

The fresh new Players, with some older ones here, is part of a Merchant Caravan that they just have to ensure gets from point A to point B, and just live. Simple mission as this is a Novice Instance for innocents pulled in. And it would have even remained a simple one, only having to deal with the wondering dead that are manageable, as they have plenty of supplies to ration and work with, if one of the Older Players wasn’t here with ulterior motives.

See, this ‘Senior’ managed to buy information that there is a great item that can be obtained; the thing is, one must betray their comrades in order to get it, with the first betrayal making the difficulty rise from the Novice to Intermediate immediately, as this as awakened a terrible Boss.

It probably would have gone smoothly (maybe....) but here is the thing.

As it turns out, ‘Senior’ didn’t buy enough information; after The First Betrayal, the Boss Ghost will sneakily become a part of the Party, acting much like a helpful NPC when really he is a trap; if the Betrayer betrays him, it is game over.

But the game is different this time; No one expects Airplane, who has the ability and instincts of a cockroach who was completely willing to hug a Ghost’s (well, NPC’s) thighs

Cue Shang Qinghua who is very confused, because after he sneakily becomes part of the group, this human has decided to cling to him of all people, the Creepy/Grumpy NPC, and not his fellow group members... 

Airplane grows on SQH like a fugus, makes amazingly funny commentary, and even tells some interesting stories. On Airplane’s part, Shang Qinghua feels not only like the strongest guy here, but also the most reliably competent...

 Not to mention he feels comfortable to be around, which is weird since Airplane doesn’t usually feel to comfortable with the living~ (ha ha ha, maybe because he’s a NPC? Though he still freezes with those guys too...) 

As it is, because ‘Senior’ needs to betray everyone, he tries to get Airplane, who, again, is still a very, very morally ambiguous guy, sees this guy trying to kill him, and simply pushes them instead into a throng of the undead.

Airplane: Ah, sorry for the terrible sight Senior brother, but he was trying to kill us? Are you alright? Do you want a massage?

Shang Qinghua is incredulous, but becomes more charmed as time passes.

(Remembers, how his martial brothers, people who he had lived and worked beside all his life, so easily sold him out, trying to kill him only for him to suffer a fate worse then death. It was only so much time was passed, after having to spy and betray those who betrayed him before he finally had the release of death; but even then, his resentment was too strong, even the blood sealed onto his jade hairpin filled with resentment.)

It is this item he gives to Airplane, blushing as he does as he says if the other ever needs help, to just use the pin and it won’t lead him wrong.

When Airplane leaves the instance, he gets a system notice about the points he got, increased because of the Instance’s sudden level increase, as well as information on the item he received from Shang Qinghua 

Shang Qinghua’ Hairpin: A Hairpin with deadly secrets, belong to A Spy with a vast network of information, be able to uncover hidden secrets with ease and learn anything you wish of with loyal shades at your command,

 Level One: Summon two shades to gather information. (Each level up gets you another shade to do your bidding)

(He only has the information from level one, but once he levels it up, this is what else it can do)

Level 3: Your shades can now help you escape dicey situations

Level 5: Able to uncover the deadly poison hidden in the hollow of it, this deadly substance can poison Living and Dead both

Level: 7: Able to use the Hairpin like a deadly knife, the resentment enriching the wood to be harder and sharper then ever before.

(Past Level Seven, must full on stab someone in a vital place to discover this ability: Able to release one ensured fatal attack from the Hairpin; after that, it will continue to drop to a fifty-fity chance and before renewing each Instance.)

Level 10: be able to summon Shang Qinghua, the deadly competent Spy to your side to aid you; note, he will only help as much as he likes you and you are only truly safe from him for an Hour before he gets free range to do whatever he wants.

So yeah. this is Airplane’s first instance~ It was so terrifying, having to be around so many people and freaky monsters, but he thinks he made a friend? He hopes?

(He certainly gets one heck of an admirer.)(¬‿¬)

Second Instance(Novice): The Healer’s Broken Heart

So, next Instance, Airplane finds himself in an ancient, fantasy hospital with a group half novices and novices who at least survived two or three games after this. The challenge this time is two pair up into teams of two or threes and try and treat as many ‘patients’ in the hospital as one can. First, they have to collect all the medicine they need, prepare the Nursing rooms, and then, of course, treat at least five patients each, or face death for failing. 

See, the patients are sorta, kinda, Undead they need to treat as if they were living, so they Have to do things like bandaging sliced throats, sew back on sliced limbs, and drain puss and other gross gory things to give nightmares. Not to mention that they have to follow regular rules like in most hospitals, so no running in the hall, no loud sounds, things like that when their are Ghosts everywhere. (As long as someone doesn’t break the rules, the Ghosts won’t notice you.)

 As Airplane is a nervous wreck around people, and with this being a bad day for his anxiety, no one but one guy is willing to partner up with him, this gentle, sweet guy called Mu Fan, who’s amazing chill affects Airplane’s own chill and helps him feel a little better about the situation.

Ha~ Mu Fan is so nice and even knows so much about all the medicines and what to do here! He’s even helpful and nice when Airplane was about to have an anxiety attack, following what Airplane warned him about not touching him, but if he could, maybe hum if he could?

Of course Airplane can’t just let the other carry him the entire way! Mu Fan is just too nice and really helped him back there, so he wants to pay back at least a little. So, being this disaster that he is, instead of thanking Mu Fan and asking him if their is anyways to pay him back, Airplane uses his Hairpin instead to see if he could help the other out.

He gets an... interesting reaction...

Apparently, Mu Fan is actually Mu Qingfang, a Boss Ghost (tho Airplane only knows the other is a ghost) of this area, who can be activated in some ways; examples, if the Players try and hurt the Patients, if Players try and kill each other in cold blood, or try and steal Medicine. Mu Qingfang’s most sincere wish is to free his patients from this cycle of pain, hopefully be free from it for good.

This is the information that Airplane gets, what Mu Qingfang has been trying to discover for years with no luck.

Airplane: QAQ Mu Qingfang is truly too good, too pure for this world, wanting to help the other ghost past on and be out of pain.

On Mu Qingfang’s part, he saw this poor, distressed man and the doctor instincts in him went on fire as he did his best to help the other with their heart demons. But he was really, extremely impressed by them with how they treated his patients, taking care of their wounds like it was nothing, joking with the decapitated head as he sewed it back on, getting a breathless laugh from the woman as she cried happy tears from it. The doctor went really gooey though with how Airplane spellbound his audience of twins who needed to be separated after their parent had sown them together, the two young (very creepy as fuck) children begging for more, distracting from the pain of having to reattach their arms in the right places one more.

(Tries not to cry when this disaster of a Man says he has to do something first before he leaves after he finishes the five patients, only to bring a true gift back as he does. Mu Qingfang has nearly given up on his poor patients ever being free from this constant cycle of pain, their Bandit Killers, for such a small, evil group, never brought to justice only for Airplane to catch them all, bringing them to the hospital so that all their grievances can be aired out and payed back once and for all. It took a bit, and Airplane accidently raised the Level of the Instance himself this time doing it, but he got all the baddies round up and incapacitated as he did.)

Mu Qingfang is ever so grateful, even as Airplane offers to help the man finish up here before he leaves, the last doctor’s visit these ghost will ever need to have. He blesses Airplane with a powerful healing ability, along with a Doctor’s kit that is full of useful supplies, refilling ever day if needed.)

So, Airplane is back in his space, cleaning his hands and body because that was still gross (but not the worse thing he has dealt with) with new points and some good prizes once more, even if he isn’t sure why the level went up all of a sudden? The Bandits honestly weren’t that hard to trick and sabotage?

Mu Qingfang’s Medical Bag

Basically, like the Hairpin, full of goodies that can do more and more OP things the higher the Level it goes (and yes, has a secret poison function as well; Now Shang Qinghua can refill the Hairpin if he ever need to :D And yes, Mu Qingfang can be summoned with an Item in the bag once he gets to Level Ten..

Same with the Healing ability, it just gets more OP the higher the level, tho it doesn’t have a summoning ability, but will let you heal others as much as you want at Level Ten

So thus, this is Airplane’s second Ghost ‘Friend’~ (〃￣︶￣)人(￣︶￣〃)

Instance Three (Intermediate): Guards of The Icy Village

So, Airplane is confident in himself, seeing as he’s managed Instances that go from Novice to Intermediate all the time, thinks ‘why not try an Intermediate, since my Novice experience will probably turn out like that anyways? (the fact that all the choices he has left are either Intermediate or Hard does not matter!) 

Looking through his choices, he see a Limited Event One, with a Special Link to it; not knowing what this means but being effected by the Limited deal, he picks it.

(What this means is that there will be an Event in this Instance that will literally only be open this one time and can not be done ever again; Special Link Means that this Event will and can effect in even Higher Level Instances in the Future, depending on how Many +’s are in the title of it.)

This Event has a Max Number of +’s :)

So, he picks his choice and finds himself in this beautiful Icy wonderland with a group of other people. Everyone has to be set into teams here, guarding the snow village from evil spirits and monsters that would prey on it for five days and five nights. And because I want to, Airplane has been teamed up with Gongyi Xiao, Qin Wanrong, Qin Wanyue, and Qiu Haitang. As long as they protect their part of the Village, they will be able to pass the Instance and everything will be swell

(Is this me indulging in having some badass girls, and letting these characters not only get some damn scene time, but be able to be happy and live? Yes, yes it is, because let me explore these guys in this traumatic AU where they have to do all they can to live, and still be able to trust to have each other’s backs dang it) 

So, the Huan Hua High Schooler group have already been through two instances at this point, Airplane has been through a lot, and Qiu Haitang has had one game that turned from easy to hard in a minute that she survived with luck and her wits (and gave her a crap ton of points and a need for survival classes she took asap before her next game). Airplane, because he doesn’t trust the fact that they’ll be okay if other parts of the Village they’re in are invaded, sends his spirits and some nifty golems he got from the shop to help patrol everywhere. 

Because come on, if one place gets breached, of course the rest will be vulnerable! He’s played the Empire Building, Fortress Making games to prove it!

(Everyone nods, because this actually makes so much sense, how could they have ignored such an obvious trap! Intermediate Instances are no joke!)

Cue really scary as fuck ice monsters and evil spirits. Things are going good, Airplane and co are making it through, with Airplane discovering and making obsolete yet another trap unknowingly because he’s making sure everything is rationed(and using some points to actually buy some fooof) and checking in with villagers all over; because they are literally in charge of protecting and managing all these people, and with everything around here with the blizzard and seize, they have to make sure there is enough food and supplies for everyone. 

(That this prevents making evil spirits and monster from rising with the Village is a big thing actually, because some of them are made from the dead.)

So then, the forth day comes; it starts out nice, no more harsh snows, people are coming out of their houses now, Airplane is nearly tearing his hair out from stress and too many people, but he can make do. (has had to make do with worse really)

And then he hears some of the Villagers are about to riot, planning to go at something with stones and pitchforks. Panicking, thinking these NPCs that he has to protect are trying to go outside their weight class, Airplane gets the others in his team and other teams who are useful to hopefully get the weak peasant class NPC out of danger as he goes about handling the problem himself, only to stop and start at the literal child bleeding in from of him.

For a moment, Airplane blanks... (Sure, he knows, from experience, that Children Ghosts are in fact some of the most, if not the most deadly ghost out there... And yet... for all the pranks and cruelty they played, they were always the ones who understood Airplane’s loneliness the most, being the most truthful and blunt and just honest with him...)

So, when Airplane sees this light blue demon child with horns and nasty claws, tear stains on his still baby fat cheeks even as they scowl and bare fangs, fear and anger in their eyes as they tremble before him, Airplane does not kill the child or run them out of the village.

It takes some coaxing, and it’s mostly hunger on the child’s part that wins in the end, but with the last of Airplane’s Jerky being torn through, he is able to treat the kid with his kit in his tent, even get them some cold soup to eat before they sleep.

Airplane has enough time to possibly panic over the fact ‘Wait, if there is a child there must be a parent’ before said Child’s Father appears in the Village the next morning, KO’ing two teams before almost killing his own before Airplane shakily presents them their well treated and contented child... 

who doesn’t let go, until their parent raises an eyebrow, makes an amused huff, and easily grabs their child, even if it leaves Airplane with some nasty scratches and one less lucky charm necklace.

(The Future Mobei-Jun, still Mo Bolin, nearly cries, but stubbornly bites his lip as he does, glaring at anything and everyone around him, especially his parent and the warm person he has to leave here. He wants to keep them! They saved him when their was no gain for it, and even used much needed supplies to treat him, which Mo Bolin knows are important and guarded fiercely! They told interesting stories and had good food! He doesn’t want to leave them.)

Mo Bolin’s Father is very amused, and gives Shang Qinghua an ice power(shield) and a Teleporting Token.

So, when Shang Qinghua gets back from this instance, he gets some friend requests, a bunch of points for the best possible ending ever achieved in a game, and info about his new things.

he’ll only be able to make Shields and Barriers with his new Ice Ability, with the strength and number he can make increasing with each level.

With the Token, it allows him to teleport a limited range and places he either sees or has been. It can’t be leveled, but apparently, if he fulfills some sort of condition, it can be upgraded.

So, those are ideas I have for some of the Instances. Things not mentioned:

Time with the Instances is weird; Time still always moves forward, but it can easily skip around... So the next time Airplane accidently gets into a high Nightmare Grade Instance, He might see a fully grown Mo Bolin, now Mobei-Jun~ 

Another example of Time being weird with the Instances; Airplane obviously met Shang Qinghua first, but Shang Qinghua had been Betrayed and sold out to Mobei-Jun, the same Mobei-Jun that Airplane saved as a child :D

(Yes, Airplane will summon Shang Qinghua in an Instance with Mobei-Jun, and it will be gloriously awkward, even as Shang Qinghua is smug, because he can still see Airplane anytime the other wishes to summon him)

(This will probably lead to Mobei-Jun upgrading Airplane’s Token, making it to where it’s range is even greater now, and can summon him if Airplane wishes it.)

I am still on the fence of making Shen Yuan either a Ghost and part of the Harem, or a player who is bros with Airplane.

There is an Instance in their Real Life, where Qiu Haitang, Shen Jiu, Yue Qi, along with Airplane go along one hell of a Blast from the Past as they find out terrible secrets, things get resolved, there is much crying to be had, and everyone agrees to never mention the Instance ever again or so help them Shen Jiu will make them forget.

(Shen Jiu likes having a sister. Qiu Haitang likes having a brother she actually likes.)

Liu Qingge is a disaster; is he a player, is he a Ghost, is he a monster? Who knows, Airplane doesn’t. (I’m going to say he is a fellow player~ he just likes messing with Airplane.)

And thus, here is this AU~ Hope you guys like it~ EDIT: Noticed this was weird to read, so I added spaces: hope this helps.

[han-shinsuke]

🇳 🇦 🇴 🇾 🇦 🇿 🇪 🇳 🇮 🇳 ANGST

•life starts here•

He might have heard of it for him to do such reckless decision of acquiring me under the Zenin household. Mom had brought him with her in our home–I find his behaviour unusual for his age—well, I am not that old to speak this way but, Naoya Zenin IS really odd. How come a boy like him, who has everything that I always dream of, seems unhappy of his possessions and privileges and his eyes—whenever I lay attention on those, I see someone really different from the boy standing before mine. Does the life he has right now suffocates him?

“I can give you a life far better from what you have right now. All you have to do is to marry me.”

I see. He sees his way out through me.

Might as well use him as a path and tool towards security.

Fifteenth of September, I married Naoya Zenin.

•••••

“Ears on me, Nao.” Mom would definitely scold me if she finds out that I, a nobody, is going to lecture the boy who holds so much power and authority in his hands, “what’s so funny ha? Stop smirking.”

“You. I find your tantrums ridiculous.”

Is it possible to feel this kind of bloodlust for a boy? Can I kill him this instant? Uh, no. That would make me a criminal and most certainly, my body will not leave this house intact. Head for every life someone would take.

“May I remind you, I agreed to marry you three years ago but we both promised not to engage ourselves in any bedroom activities, right?” Naoya was only eighteen back then while I was already in my twenties. I don’t prey on children and will never not even if he’s already an adult.

I’m on my last year in college and one more year and we will give each other the freedom we always wanted.

“Can’t I use you according to my terms and needs?” He still has the annoying grin he had two hours ago.

Naoya Zenin, you really made my blood boiled. “You just did, Nao. You kissed me in front of my friends!” How can a man lie about his incapabilities to please a woman? I feel goosebumps all over my body! I can still feel his lips on mine!

“It was just a kiss, Y/N. It does not grow feelings, doesn’t it?” There was something in his eyes that makes me wanna doubt my incoming response.

“Of course. It was just a mere kiss.” I don’t kiss then fall in love.

Liar. The devil in me contradicted.

•••••

Responsibility is what makes a man, a man. And a bloke’s ability to fulfill the onus that have given to him is what makes a man deserving of power bestowed upon him.

But, whaf if, once upon a man’s life, all he had ever dreamt of was to have a normal life like the others?

Would it make him a bad man to desire life according to his preferences?

Would it make a man, not a man at all, if he chooses who he really wanted to be?

To choose. To live. To be accountable for the mistake he would make.

Freedom is all he ever wanted.

Once in his life, Naoya Zenin feels the sense of belongingness under her care.

••••

“You look bad.” What’s new? I always look terrible. Been in a fight—almost a cat fight with Naoya’s ex-fianceé, Shei. I roll my eyes at him when he took a photo of me.

“How can you stomach this face, Nao?” I catch a glimpse of my snap in his phone and it makes me wanna vomit. “I’m an ugly shit.” Messy hair and few scratches on my face. Kill me now.

Shall I apologize to him? I have gone feral on his supposed to be wife. Well, he can’t blame me for fighting back. Shei, had hit a nerve.

“I’m sorry. I slapped her.”

“What were you sorry for?”

His hand ascends in the air. I closed my eyes when I thought he would hit me, too, in exchange of the pain I inflicted in his girl.

“You’re really warm, Y/N.”

That day, the wind blown north.

And there was his captivating smile.

••••

“You would never find a man who will love you.”

“I regret having you as my daughter.”

“You won’t make it. You’re weak. You are a fool for believing in miracles.”

“I just want you gone in my life.”

Dad, do you still believe I will not make it?

Do you still want me gone?

Dad, he’s the miracle dressed in a villain’s coat.

Do you still not believe it?

One day, I will be home to tell you all about it.

•••••

“You’re just a tool for him, bitch! And once he gets his freedom, you’ll be dispensable!”

“He would throw you out just like what your father had done to you!”

Winter is approaching. And guess what?

I just landed a killer slap on someone's face out of fury.

••••

“I married him for his money.” The woman sitting adjacent to me will not believe me if I say that we married each other for love.

Mrs. Zenin slides a blank cheque to me and says, “name your price.”

“I sold my words and my loyalty to your son, Madame. You cannot buy a devil twice.”

On this day and forward, I solemnly swear I will get him out.

“My son has big responsibilities to this family.”

“And so is he to himself.”

Naoya deserves freedom.

•••••

Can I last a day in the Zenin household?

Good news, I have been living with them for almost four years now.

“Do you miss your brother?” Suddenly, he asks. I turn to him and rest my eyes under his bed.

We don’t sleep on the same bed. I’m comfortable lying on the floor.

“No.” I lied.

He’s with me wherever I go.

At this time, he was under his bed. Smiling back at me.

I cannot let go of him.

After all these years, my brother’s ghost is still haunting me.

He died under my bed.

••••

“I saved your fund from the robbers.”

He was young. He was full of life.

He was innocent. He had dreams.

On the day of Christmas Eve, robbers had invaded our home. No one was there aside from my thirteen years old brother.

My parents got into a fight so they left home.

I got tired of their shits so I left home, too.

“I fought for these. Are you proud of me, ate?” I found my brother covered in blood. Hiding under my bed. Protecting my stupid piggy bank.

My brother was a hero.

He protected my dreams.

And that caused him, his life.

•••••

“Had you dated a man before?”

“Never. Men are scared of me.”

I check his tie and it perfectly clings around his neck. We have our graduation pictorial today so I volunteer assisting him in his clothes.

“Am I scared of you?” He holds my chin and moves my head up and down then left and right. I give him a soft blow on his stomach and that makes him laugh.

“Why are we having this conversation, Nao?” The contract is nearing its end. Naoya Zenin will be free in three months.

I get him to stay. I get him to choose. I get him to be accountable for every consequences of his actions and decisions.

“Can we be friends after our divorce?” Can we? Can I be just a friend for the man I want to keep for as long as I could?

“Thank you, Naoya.”

“For what?” He checks himself in the mirror and smiles.

“For saving me from becoming a total mess.”

Fifteenth of September, I almost sold my dignity in exchange of money.

Fifteenth of September, Naoya Zenin came.

•••••

On our graduation day, just when I’m about to receive my diploma alone on the stage, my father came with flowers in his hand. Even though he was struggling to walk using his prosthetic leg, my father march with me.

It was not the diploma that made me cried a river on our way down but the words I longed for him to say,

“I’m sorry for not being a good father to you.”

And oh, I also found out that she’s living with my mom again.

•••••

“I’m returning every penny he has spent on me, Madame.” I did not mean to boast but I save enough to pay back Naoya’s generosity.

“Does he know?” Mrs. Zenin picks up the cheque and plays with it.

“Yes, Madame.” Naoya knows I work part time up until now.

“May I ask you, how do you envision Naoya Zenin without his family?”

“A man who don’t value his roots is nothing. There would be no Naoya Zenin without his family, Madame. Please, do not abandon your son just because he sees life differently from yours.”

••••••

—five years later—

“Y/N, can you assist the new guests?”

I stop checking the inventory report in the computer and immediately come to aid my best friend who is also my co-owner of the small coffee shop we established five years ago. I wear the black apron and pick two menu card from the counter.

“Good day! Welcome to Carri—”

“Y/N...”

“Mrs. Zenin!” I almost dropped the menu card on the floor but the man who has his back against my direction caught them on time.

“Hello, wife!” Naoya flashes his captivating smile and gives back the menu card, “can I take you home after your duty?”

“Wa—wife? I am no longer your wife, Nao.”

Mrs. Zenin clears her throat and put an envelope on the table, “he didn’t signed the papers so technically, you are still his wife, Y/N. And please, just call me ‘mama’, I kinda feel old when you uses formalities on me.”

“I found you again, Y/N.”

First snowfall, Naoya Zenin finds his way back to me.

•life never ends here•

THANK YOU FOR READING 😊😊❤️❤️

icon artist’s profile: https://pin.it/1TnFoH6

[alwaysnforeverfangirl]

Dance Me To The End Of Love - Prologue

Introduction of the fic

A/N: this is my first fic in English so I apologize for the mistakes in grammar and way of writing. This is just the prologue so nothing really happens in here, it’s more of an introduction to the story of my OC. Although Fred doesn't appear in the prologue both characters will meet very soon. Hope you like it, Rach💖

Summary: Veronica Reed has a nightmare before the day her life changes forever. 

Warnings: torture, death, mentions of war, mentions of anxiety.

italics are flashbacks/memories

(gif taken from Pinterest)

There it was again. In her chest, hiding behind her ribs. The pressure that she had grow to fear. She whipped away the sweat on her forehead while releasing a sob that she had hold. The cold air of the night painted goosebumps on her skin when she moved the covers of the bed, her feet touch the carpet that decorated the floor of the room and she started to make her way to the kitchen to drink a glass of water.

Veronica Reed knew very well her condition. That's why she was so afraid of the anxiety that always came after remembering her father's death.

-Rabastan…

The voice of Alaric Lestrange was barely a whisper. In front of him a man dressed in black robes was giving him a wicked smile. Behind his long hair Alaric could recognize the features of his younger brother.

-It’s been a long time brother.- Rabastan’s voice was hoarse. He was moving around the place, searching for something while laughing at Alaric.- I didn't have the opportunity to give you my condolences on the loss of your wife.

Alaric’s body tensed up, thinking of the day Anna was brutally killed by Fenrir Greyback. She had fought in the war even though Alaric didn't want her too. They had a daughter and the thought of leaving her orphan haunted him, he had promised himself that she would have the loving family that he never had.

“She will grow healthy and free and she’ll understand what we fought for and why we couldn't hide away while the world we believe in was at risk.” With those words being said, Alaric Lestrange joined the Order of the Phoenix with her wife Anna Reed by his side. He knew she was right. He couldn't keep on running from his family and the atrocities that people like them were doing to the Wizard Community.

-She had an amazing magic ability for a mudblood…- The younger of the Lestrange brothers started to approach Alaric in a threatening way.- The child that you two had together… Where is she?

At that moment Alaric realized why Rabastan was there. He was furious about the fall of the Dark Lord and he definitely had heard about the rumors. Not only he was there to torture him like he and their older brother had done while they were kids. He was there to capture his daughter and found out if what people said was true. But Alaric knew that if Lord Voldemort followers were to find Veronica she would become a slave, and that’s the reason why he came back to the United States when Anna died. To protect their daughter and help her understand what she was able to do before anyone could use her.

-You haven't said a word yet dear brother. Has the cat got your tongue? - Rabastan left a creepy laugh.- You know pretty well what I’d do to you if you don’t show me where your daughter is.

-You’d do it even if I do as you say.

Rabastan smiled, he took Alaric’s face with his left hand and pointed his wand to his chest. This wasn't the first time both brothers were in this position, although usually Rodolphus Lestrange was behind Rabastan, with his chest filled with pride as the younger of the family showed the middle one what they called discipline. It had always been this way, ever since the three of them were kids both Rabastan and Rodolphus would haunt Alaric. They would hex him just because he was different, just because he didn't share the same ideas as his family. It got worse when he started Hogwarts and he was sorted into Hufflepuff. “Our family has been in Slytherin since that school was founded and now a miserable Hufflepuff…” Alaric would never forget the voice of his father and the disgust in his mother’s face. Both of his brothers made his life a terrible one until he flew from England, escaping from the pain that the Lestrange name brought him.

A red light came out of Rabastan’s wand and Alaric fell to the floor in pain. He could feel the cruciatus curse invading his body and he failed to silence a scream. In a wardrobe, near the window of the room a small toddler shifted at the sight of her father’s aching. The torture continued for at least five minutes and Alaric stopped trying to keep silent, he didn't want to give his brother the satisfaction of seeing him suffering but the stinging in his bones and skin was too much.

Veronica knew that her father would be upset if she got out from the place she was hiding but seeing Alaric crying of pain on the floor awoke something in her. In her chest a pressure started building and her body started to tremble.

-You’re going to die Alaric. Why not have a moment of peace before you go? Tell me where she is and I will kill you fast.

-Never…

-You and your stupid moral code. You really think that these people you defend are worth fighting for? That your filthy mudblood wife deserved a life?- The poison in the voice of Rabastan only increased when he saw how his brother was fighting the curse.- You refused to have a good life, to carry the honor of our family name, all of the glory that runs through our veins for what? A fair cause?

-I’ve never share our family beliefs…- Alaric’s voice was almost inaudible. Every inch of his body was in pain.

-Oh no, I know that very well…You and your choices throw dirt to our name ever since you decided to do the right thing.- Rabastan laughed, he kneeled in front of his brother and spoke to his face with anger.- You. Are. A. Traitor.- He spited in his face and kicked him in the stomach.

Right when Rabastan stood up the doors of the wardrobe opened up.

-Stop! Let him go!

Rabastan turned to look at the origin of the sounds and his eyes landed on a three year old. He sent the most horrifying smirk to Veronica and returned his attention to his brother.

-Found her.- He said to Alaric with a creepy smile.

Alaric looked at his daughter, she had her mother’s fire, her eyes were burning with anger and her breathing was accelerating. He knew what was gonna happen, and even though he was sure he wouldn't be able to see it, he knew for certain that his daughter was going to win that fight. While Veronica gave a regretful smile to her father for disobeying what he had told her earlier Rabastan’s wand emitted a green light and Alaric’s life left his body.

Veronica screamed and the window’s glass shattered. The light of the room became darker and everything started to shake. When Rabastan’s eyes returned to Veronica he could see clearly how the figure of a three year old transformed into a black cloud. A sudden strength pushed him to the ground and knocked the air from his lungs. Rabastan Lestrange couldn’t breath, his blood was burning and he wasn't able to do anything. He was sure that he would join his brother’s faith in any minute, but it didn’t happen.

-Same nightmare again?

Veronica put the glass down and turned to look at John. He had a tiring smile on his face and his hair was a mess due to having fallen asleep on the armchair of the living room. She tried to return the smile to the man who had raised her.

-I’d love for it to be a nightmare but we both know it isn’t.- Her voice was sweet, a perfect contrast with what was going on through her mind at that very moment.- It’s been the fourth time this week and I don’t like it. I feel like I’m losing control…

-It’s normal, given the times we live in. You don't have to worry, we’re gonna see Scamander and Dumbledore tomorrow.- John caressed Veronica’s cheek and she sighed.

-I’m afraid of it. I don’t want to loose control again, not like last time.

-You won’t do it. Try to rest. - He laughed at the bags under her eyes.- We have a long day ahead and I’m pretty sure you don’t want your first impression to be a bad one, and well, with that…- He pointed at her eyes and she whipped aways his hand.

-Fuck off…

Both John and Veronica laughed at her bluntness.

She did what he told her and decided to go back to bed. Tomorrow they’ll leave The States behind and go to England. The same journey that her parents did when she was born. The same moment in life. The same darkness over the world and the same determination to fight for what she believed in. Even almost the same group of people fighting by her side. 

She only hoped for her destiny to be not the same as her parents.

[tayaminaka]

Congrats on 60 followers!❤️ Could I request number 19 with Dazai?

19. „Don’t touch me!” with Dazai Osamu

Why?

Why me?

Why it happened again?

What have I done to deserve THIS?

Am I a monster?

You asked yourself these questions while lying on an old table in some old abandoned factory. This was your hiding place. Your safe place. A place where nobody would find you.

You have been hiding here for about 4 days already but to be honest you have long lost track of time.

How can you not lose it here? There was no working clock here. It was quite. No one worked here for years. The windows were Brocken, dust and dirt covered most of the surfaces of this factory and in some places already grows moss due the moisture.

And you lay there. All alone. It was cold. After all it was already autumn and it had rained yesterday. But surprisingly it was a sunny morning today.

Still you could feel the cold. You only wore a black T-shirt and a black jeans. In addition a very light rain jacket. You didn’t even have shoes or socks on your feet. You simply forgot them when you were trying to escape. Your eyes were closed but you weren’t sleeping. You could feel the warm sun shining on you through the half broken old window.

„ Am I a monster ?” you asked yourself as you opened your eyes

No answer. The only thing you heard were rat sounds and drops of water slowly and regularly falling from the ceiling to the floor.

„Yes YoU a-A-aree.” you heard a distorted voice saying

It was your ability.

Your second I.

Your bloodthirsty monster that never leave.

It was standing near the wall. It looked like you but not quite like you. It had human outlines, it had a human form but the only difference was...

It wasn’t a human !

It all started when you were three years old. Everything was normal but sometimes your second I took control over your body.

As a result, strange and bad things happened.

Your fellow human beings got terrible nightmares, they were involved in accidents, some of them went crazy or just died. Nobody knew why this things happened. Only your parents knew the true.

As you got older things were geting worse and worse. Sometimes you hurt your parents or yourself badly. You can still see the scars on your body. And after a while you could hear a voice in your head. It said awful things to you, threatened you and most of all, hurt you.

On some days your whole body hurt so you couldn’t even get up. Sometimes you had headaches or nightmares for days. And sometimes you were still conscious when you hurt your parents. This was the worst. You couldn’t control your body and had to watch your mother get hurt with your own hands.

And all of this suffer only because you didn’t want to do what your ability wanted.

Your parents, in turn, comforted you, treated your wounds and promised you that everything would be fine. All just empty promises.

Your parents started arguing. Your father had enough of it. He wanted a normal life with a normal family and not with a strange child that could kill you easily. But your mother didn’t want to give you up. She still had hope that everything would get better.

In one day your father went to work as normal. But he never came back. You couldn’t blame him. He wanted a normal life and that was ok for you.

Your mother worked a lot to pay the rent and feed you both, but one day she couldn’t. All this work, all the bursts of your ability. She just couldn’t do it any more.

One day you came into her room and there she was...hanging on the ceiling. She had committed suicide.The only thing she left you was a note with an apology. You still have this note, because this is the only thing you have from your previous life.

The next years of your life you’ve spent on the street. You had no family, no friends. You were all alone.

Your ability has not rested either. You couldn’t hold it back anymore. Almost every night your ability took over your body and went on a “hunt”, so to speak. It always called it punishment for people who wronged. People died night after night and night after night you woke up covered in blood until you met Dazai.

He showed you a better world.

He gave you a new family.

And he gave you hope.

After all these years you had finally hope that everything would get better. But these hopes were broken five days ago.

You and Atsushi were on a mission togheter and suddenly you got attacked. Enemy’s were everywhere and you got injured. Your second I tiered to take control of your body but you tiered to not let it out.

Vainly.

You killed them all. Everybody was dead. You were covered in blood, body’s were lying everywhere and you were standing in the middle of all.

You didn’t know what to do, so you quickly ran away. Atsushi tiered to stop you but you were faster than him.

And now you hiding here. In this old factory. Hoping that you would just die here.

„I know. If I had never been born, so many people would still be alive. It would be better if I were dead.”

„You’re wrong.” you heard a familiar voice saying

„Da-Dazai !?” you said surprised

„We all are worrying and searching for you and you are sitting here at a dusty, old factory.” he said calmly as he made his way to you.

„Don’t come any closer !” you said in panick and backed away as he came closer to you.

Till your back hit the wall. There was no escape for you. He streched his hand to touch you and you cried out.

„Please Don’t Touch Me !” you cried.

Hot tears made they way into your eyes and were falling down your face. You slid down the wall and now you were sitting on the floor. Yo were scared because you could already hear the voice of your second I.

„P-Please just go a-away !” you sobbed and covered your face with your hands

Dazai looked at you, got on his knees and hugged you tightly. The voice in your head disappeared and you relaxed a bit. You were crying in his arms till you hadn’t any tears left.

„Why? Why d-did you all look f-for me?” you sobbed

„Because you are a member in the Agency. You’re part of our little family.”

„But I am a m-monster.”

„Y/N...”

„I killed everybody !”

„Y/N look at...”

„I don’t deserve to live!”

„Y/N ! Look at me!” he said with a serious voice

He took your face in his hands and put his forehead on yours.

„It’s not your fault. You were simply born with this ability, nobody helped you to control this ability so it’s not your fault !”

„B-But...I...l..” you started to cry again

Dazai pulled you back into a hug and stroke soothingly over your back as you hug him back slowly cry into his chest.

„Ssssssh...it’s ok.” he said calmly

„Everything will be fine. I promise.”

.

And again you heard this promise.

But you didn’t know that it wasn’t just...

An empty promise.

[the-courage-to-heal]

When you witness or experience something terrible, you may try not to think about it. To help you, your brain may call on one of its most creative and ingenious coping strategies to keep you going: dissociation.In the simplest terms, dissociation is a mental block between your awareness and parts of your world that feel too scary to know.

Dissociation happens to just about everybody at some time. It takes many different forms for different people. But for people with a complex trauma history, dissociation keeps the brain in survival mode. Nobody can endure a constant state of fear and still function well. You can’t get through life unscathed while always feeling frozen, worried or shut down by your greatest fears. Dissociation can function as protection, by keeping people unaware of the distress of being traumatized. That’s when it can eventually cause problems for people who have been hurt very badly, especially as children.

Children are especially likely to use dissociation to manage the inescapable pain of family problems that lead to complex, developmental and relational trauma. Such problems can include ongoing abuse, neglect or disorganized, avoidant or insecure attachment. Children must do something to endure experiences that make them feel unsafe. They cope by becoming disconnected to the memories, feelings and body sensations that are too much to bear. On the outside, they may look okay. But constant dissociation as a means of protection or survival for years then follows them into adult life, where it doesn’t work so well. As a coping mechanism, dissociation often interferes with the life a person wants to have, when the abuse is no longer ongoing in the present.

When dissociation blocks awareness of pain, it can also obscure the path to healing. So let’s take a close look at dissociation as a coping mechanism for trauma survivors. If we can safely see where it comes from, and how it evolves, we can also see what healing looks like.

What is Dissociation?

Dissociation is a state of disconnection from the here and now. When people are dissociating, they are less aware (or unaware) of their surroundings or inner sensations. Reduced awareness is one way to cope with triggers in the environment or from memories that would otherwise reawaken a sense of immediate danger. Triggers are reminders of unhealed trauma, and associated strong emotions such as panic and fear. Blocking awareness of sensations is a way to avoid possible triggers, which protects against the risk of becoming flooded by emotions like fear, anxiety and shame. Dissociation allows you to stop feeling. Dissociation can happen during an experience which is overwhelming and which you can’t escape (causing trauma), or later on when thinking about or being reminded of the trauma.

Dissociation is a coping mechanism allowing a person to function in daily life by continuing to avoid being overwhelmed by extremely stressful experiences, both in the past and present. Even if the threat has passed, your brain still says “danger.” Unprocessed, these fears may stop you from living the life you want or changing unhelpful behaviors as you grow. Some level of dissociation is normal; we all do it. For example, when we get to work and have to leave the personal concerns behind, we choose to put them out of mind for a while. But when dissociation is learned as a coping strategy – especially in childhood for survival purposes – it carries over into adulthood as an automatic response, not a choice.

Children with Trauma Are More Likely to Experience Dissociation

As a protective strategy for coping with trauma, dissociation can be one the most creative coping skills a trauma survivor perfects. It detaches awareness from one’s surroundings, body sensations and feelings. Children who experience complex trauma are especially likely to develop dissociation. It often co-occurs with the earliest incidents of recurrent trauma, since the only way to survive the horrific experiences emotionally is to not be there consciously. There are many possible conditions that cause dissociation. Therapists are aware and focus their understanding of dissociation in connection with the underlying trauma – what happened to you.

A few simple examples of risk factors for dissociation are:

• A disorganized attachment style. Trauma inflicted by abuse from a primary attachment figure, for elementary school age children, can lead to dissociative disorders for the child. When someone the child depends on for survival is also a source of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, a protective response is to vacate being present in their body in order to survive the abuse, while preserving the needed family tie or even their life.

• An insecure attachment style. A child consciously develops behaviors or habits to dissociate, like using loud music, so they don’t hear frightening arguments between parents that terrify, for example. They may turn to video games or other distractions while dad paces the floor worried because mom is out drinking.

• Recurrent abuse or neglect that threatens a sense of safety and survival of any kind, by anyone!

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and Complex PTSD (C-PTSD). Dissociation to cope with events that cause PTSD or C-PTSD (developmental, relational ongoing trauma) can include out-of-body responses to trauma. A neurological response causes some trauma survivors to dissociate to a level where they look out at their bodies from another perspective. This can be looking down from above or looking at a part of their body that doesn’t appear to belong to them.

Dissociation occurs on a continuum, often impacted by how long or often one relies on it, whether the person has any other coping strategies, or whether other trusted helpers or a safe space is available. Helpers or places where the child feels secure can provide a way to safely be connected to feelings, sensations and body, despite the overwhelm elsewhere.

Childhood Dissociation Persists In Adulthood

As children with trauma get older, they may use self-harm, food, drugs, alcohol, or any other coping mechanism to maintain the disconnection from unhealed trauma. As therapists, we see these behaviors serving two functions for trauma survivors

As a dissociative mechanism or way to dissociate (for example, using alcohol or drugs to physically disconnect them from their thinking brain) As a way to sustain behaviors that keep them dissociated (I’m not connected to my body, so I can cut without pain, or I’m not connected to my body, so I don’t notice that I’m full and don’t need more food to consume). Ultimately, this coping strategy that was useful in childhood, in adulthood compromises abilities to trust, attach, socialize, and provide good self-care. These challenges follow trauma survivors throughout their life, if not attended to.

Recognizing Dissociation In Adults

Adults don’t just outgrow dissociation learned as a childhood coping skill. It likely becomes a go-to coping mechanism for maintaining life. Adults may not be aware of their ongoing state of dissociation, while words and actions like these tell a different story:

• Someone tells a therapist their most traumatic experiences without knowing or trusting them first and does so without emotion connected to the story; they are speaking from a dissociated place.

• Someone uses drugs, alcohol, cutting, food, pornography, or other forms of self-injurious behavior to continue to dissociate and not be present with their feelings.

• Someone disconnects from the here and now when they’re triggered by a certain situation or even a scent, such as cologne, and find themselves inside a flashback which feels very real.

• A veteran hears a noise that causes a flashback to a wartime event.

• Someone is arguing with their spouse, but when their spouse yells, they “check out.”

Dissociation is sometimes the best way a person can survive a terrifying ordeal in the moment, or chronic developmental trauma over many years. Yet it actually becomes a problem, a roadblock, in adult life. Dissociation interferes with forming secure relationships and connections. Dissociation can prevent you from developing these relationships or being present for them.

The reality is, in your adult life, you may actually be safer today learning to notice, reconnect and reintegrate the dissociated parts. Perhaps you are safe now and don’t need this coping mechanism to protect you anymore! Most times, an individual will show up in therapy for some other reason besides the use of “dissociation” or even trauma—they are there because they feel sad, or are drinking too much or fighting with their spouse. They can’t figure out why these issues persist, as they have a nice life now. As trauma-informed therapists, we can help people safely discover what issues are showing up due to their past history. We can help them discover and notice what made sense at the time given what was going on in their life that they had to survive. We can help people understand they are not “bad” and something is not wrong with them – their issues are based on the dissociative coping skills they learned in childhood to survive (which were very useful at the time, but not anymore)!

source

[juliandev0rak]

Parents 🙄🤣

Two: Parents – what kind of people were/are they? What was your OCs relationship like with them? 

echoes of the past event

@arcana-echoes​

Stella Rosa, she/ her

Center City, Vesuvia

12 years before the events of The Arcana, Stella is 16

Words: 1329

Warnings: none

Stella’s parents have always been a bit overbearing, but she’s about ready to lose her mind after a day stuck in a carriage with them. Her father’s cheesy jokes, usually at her expense, and her mother’s teary eyed reminiscing have driven her up a wall- not to mention her brother Sebastian’s terrible attitude and repeated questions of “are we there yet?”

Now that they’ve arrived at their destination, her Zia Allesa’s house in Vesuvia, Stella’s never been happier that her parents will soon be leaving her alone. 

She’s wanted to come to Vesuvia for years, ever since she first learned that her aunt was a magician, but her parents always said she was too young. Finally, after years of begging and a bit of coercing, they’d agreed to let her train with her aunt. Stella knows that her parents are protective because they love her, but she wants freedom and independence. She wants to start living her life. 

“Are you sure you want to stay here, cara mia?” Her mother asks for the thousandth time. “You’re still so young, you could stay home with us.” 

“Mamma, no I told you I want to stay with Zia Alessa.” Stella says, rolling her eyes at her mother’s coddling. 

“We just want to make sure this is what you want, you know you can come back any time, yes?” Her mother smiles, looking nearly teary eyed. 

“Hush Vittoria, she’ll be fine!” Her father Marco reaches a hand out to soothe her mother.

“With Stella gone who’ll be around to reanimate the neighbor’s dog when he dies again?” Her brother Sebastian quips, causing his mother to smack his arm. “Ow, Ma what was that for!” 

“That was one time!” Stella huffs, “I don’t even know how I did it.” 

“Our little necromancer, all grown up!” Marco says with faux drama, pretending to wipe tears away from his face.

“Marco, sush! We don’t want her new neighbors to think she’s some sort of dark magician.” Vittoria frowns disapprovingly at the men in her family.

“It’s ok, the neighbors already think I’m a dark magician, but it hasn’t stopped my business from booming!” Zia Alessa says, joining in on the laughter.

“Well, I don’t want to be a dark magician.” Stella sticks her chin out pridefully, on a sixteen year old the look doesn’t carry much weight. 

She’s heard too many comments from people at home about her particular type of magic. She can’t help what she’s naturally gifted at, the way that darkness and shadows seem to bend to her will. She can’t help the terrifying nightmares she has about red beetles and sickness and the dead rising again that wake her up screaming. She doesn’t like to think about the way that the things she sees in her dreams nearly always come true. 

Stella hopes that her aunt will be able to help her learn “good magic”, magic that helps people. She wants to matter to the world as more than a walking horror who can do things that others can’t.

“You can be anything you want, Stella.” Vittoria says placatingly, resting a hand on her daughter’s shoulder.

“Yes, even a necromancer!” Marco jokes, earning an arm smack from Vittoria just as his son had.

“I told you to stop talking about that!” Stella says, eyes growing darker like they do when she’s angry.

“I’m only joking cara mia.” The smile hasn’t left her father’s face despite the anger rolling off of the teenager in front of him.

“It’s ok Stells, you can do your creepy magic shit here, nobody will care.” Sebastian says, earning him a glare from his twin sister. 

“I do not do creepy magic shit.” She hisses.

“Watch your language!” Her mother reprimands, making both teenagers roll their eyes.

“What do you call travelling through shadows then? That’s fucking creepy if you ask me...” Sebastian continues, earning yet another reprimand from his mother.

“I didn’t ask.” Stella says, wondering when her family will finally leave and take him with them. “And it’s not creepy, it’s a fairly common magical ability. Maybe if you had any talent you could do it too.”

“Stella, Sebastian, stop.” Vittoria says sternly, “We only have a few more hours together with your Zia Alessa before we need to leave, behave yourselves.” 

“Ah teenagers, I remember how we acted at that age, eh Marco?” Alessa grins at her brother across the table.

“You used magic to push me into the sea once.” Marco says with a laugh.

“And you tied my shoelaces to the fence when I fell asleep, and then it started raining and I caught a cold!” Alessa laughs, neither of them seem upset by these stories anymore. “One day you and Sebastian will get along, mark my words.” 

“I don’t want to get along with him.” Stella mutters and her brother gives her a shit-eating grin. 

“I think these two will be bickering until they’re in the grave.” Marco jokes, shaking his head fondly as he regards his children. 

“And then Stella will bring us back to life so we can fight more.” Sebastian smirks, knowing the comment will make his sister mad again.

“For the LAST TIME-  I am NOT A NECROMANCER.” Stella yells, sending a nearby teacup flying as her magic rises to meet her anger. She flushes with embarrassment and stands to collect the pieces. 

“Alright Sebastian, that’s enough.” Marco says, voice unusually serious.

“She’s brought dead things back to life Papa, you’ve seen it-” Sebastian starts, not daring to finish his sentence when his mother shoots him a deadly look.

“Well!” Zia Alessa says cheerily, trying to soften the mood, “why don’t I show Stella to the room she’ll be staying in, and maybe you can start on dinner preparations Vittoria?” 

“Of course.” Vittoria gives her son one last look before disappearing into the kitchen. “Uh, Alessa? Why is there a salamander in your stove?” 

After a large dinner with very little conversation from either teenager, and too many bad jokes from her father, Stella’s family is ready to head back to Venterre. She stands in the doorway watching them leave and suddenly feels the apprehension and sadness she’s been burying since the beginning of their journey. 

“We love you Stella!” Her mother says, misty eyed as she pulls her into a hug. “You have enough money? The sweater I packed you?”

“Yes Mamma.” Stella doesn’t pull away from the hug like she normally would. 

“And Artois, did you bring enough bird seed for him?” Her mom asks, pulling back to look at her.

“Yes Mamma, and he likes hunting more anyway.” She says, grateful that she’ll at least have her familiar here to talk to.

“Who’s ever heard of a dove hunting? That’s fucking creepy!” Sebastian mutters, arms crossed as he refuses to meet Stella’s eyes.

“That’s enough from you Sebastian.” Marco says, gesturing for the teen to get into the carriage. He rolls his eyes and does as he’s told.

“Goodbye Stells, write to us often!” Marco pulls her into a hug and leans in to her ear to whisper “If anyone so much as looks at you funny for your magic, you give them hell, and I mean it.” 

“I will Papa.” She grins at him, he might make jokes but she knows there’s no one out there who supports her more. 

“I’ll keep her safe, next time you come to visit maybe she’ll have taken over the shop! She’s a talented one.” Zia Alessa chuckles, putting her arm around Stella. “We’ll be just fine, won’t we!” 

“Of course.” Stella’s smile falters as her parents get into the carriage. 

One final wave and her family’s gone, leaving her nearly alone in a strange city. It’s equal parts terrifying and exhilarating, but she knows she can always go home if she needs to and that thought will carry her through. She’s always lived to make her parents proud, but now she’ll live to make herself proud.