#let them be angry and wrong and flawed and complicated

[brjeauregard]

It’s wild to me how many people are angry at Orym for “letting” Laudna lose control and for telling Keyleth about Imogen’s mom. It feels like people are conveniently forgetting everything he’s been through in favor of coddling Imogen and Laudna. Don’t get me wrong, I love Imogen and Laudna and think they’re great characters, but they aren’t the only ones with trauma.

Sure Orym could have stepped in and stopped Laudna from killing Bor’Dor, but Liam confirmed on 4SD that Orym was going to kill him regardless. All of the pain and anger that Laudna felt from Bor’Dor’s betrayal was also felt by Orym, coupled with the fact that he was facing a member of the group that killed his husband and father. To say that Orym is blinded by his anger and not capable of seeing the situation objectively is saying that there are two sides to consider. The Ruby Vanguard are killing people indiscriminately and everyone knows that Ludinus can’t be trusted. Was it selfish if Orym to want Delilah back? Yes, but you also can’t ignore his very valid reason for wanting the power to stop Ludinus.

On the Imogen issue, Keyleth has every right to know about the people she’s trusting to help her and her people. A lot of people have already pointed this out, but her reaction would have been so much worse if she found out about Imogen’s connection to the Liliana from an outside source. It’s completely valid for Imogen to want her mom to be good and to try to justify her actions, but doing so in front of Keyleth and Orym, two people who have lost loved ones to the Ruby Vanguard, wasn’t the smartest choice. You can’t defend your enemy and then be surprised when your allies don’t fully trust you. Orym has very clear in the past that he doesn’t want to hear Imogen offer excuses for the Ruby Vanguard or defend their actions. He can love and care about Imogen while also holding her at an arms length in case she does turn on them.

These characters are complex, flawed, and deeply traumatized. They’re not always going to make the morally correct decision, but their choices almost always have a reasonable explanation behind them. You don’t have to agree with every decision they make, but a lot of people conveniently ignore very valid character motivations whenever those characters do something that hurts or upsets their favorite character.

[outromoony]

Let. The. Girls. Be. Imperfect.

I'm always joking about Lily being perfect, but honestly, they don't always need to be the "queen, girlboss who stands for herself and knows she's better than everyone else," because that's not how people work. Let the girls be real, let the girls have flaws just like the boys. Let them say the wrong things sometimes, let them mess up. Let them be human. And let's normalize, not villainize, them just for it. When the boys show just a little development, everyone kisses their feet.

Let them be mean and angry and petty. Let them cry over things they shouldn’t care about or hold grudges for too long. Let them make bad decisions out of fear or selfishness. Let them be complicated and messy and everything that makes a character feel alive.

We celebrate male characters for being morally grey/antiheroes and for having arcs full of mistakes and redemption. Why can’t girls have the same? Why can’t they stumble and fall, and be loved anyway? Let them struggle with jealousy or insecurity. Let them hurt people and then try (imperfectly) to make it right.

And when they grow, when they learn, let it feel earned. Let their development be messy, nonlinear, and human. Let them be everything that makes a real person, not just a symbol of perfection or empowerment. Because real strength doesn’t come from being flawless—it comes from the courage to be imperfect and still keep going. That's a girlboss.

[whosmoraless]

"In case it escaped your notice, I care about you!"

@peterbsideparker

let's make it hurt

Nobody would ever consider Miles an angry person - much less Miles himself. Not in the sense that he never has been, or that he's a push-over, he just never had a temper on him. When faced with vitriol thrown his way, he meets it with a shrug and a quip, or works to diffuse it, or some mix of the two. His patience could usually withstand a category 5 hurricane.

And yet.

In the face of those simple words, from Peter of all people, after everything he'd been through in what was absolutely the fucking worst two days of his life? Hell, the worst year and half of his life?

Miles swears he feels something snap inside him; can practically see the spiky little sound effect bubble pop up near his head.

"Uh, of course it escaped my notice," the teen spits out, his teeth grinding, "How the hell'm I supposed to believe shit you say? You- all of you- were tooootally down with just- just abandoning me."

He can feel it, the way his friends' their pitying, wide eyes bore into him, some with their hands raised like they're placating a wild animal; no doubt thinking him pathetic, or childish, or unfounded in his rage.

But what else is he supposed to feel? His dimension, his home is wrecked, his life nearly ruined by some creepy guy turned cosmic flaw. A rabid vampire-y guy chased and throttled him to shit and nobody helped. He nearly died while stranded in the wrong dimension, all as his father was in imminent danger. And they didn't care. They were complacent in it.

All because of one self-important man with a stupid, half-baked theory with more holes than Swiss cheese convinced them it was for the greater good.

And now they have the sheer, unmitigated gall to think that saving him at the last possible second and having a fucking heart to heart after Miles about fucking killed himself after the battle will make it up to him?

Fuck. That.

He's not that awkward, people-pleasing middleschooler they met so long ago, who would've done anything, put up with anything, just to be accepted. To feel less alone.

He died a long time ago.

They don't get to wash their hands of guilt so easily now. Not now that Miles is older, wisened, traumatized by time and experience and long nights crying and almost throwing his entire life's dream away for them only to realize he wasn't even a blip in their goddamn minds.

Miles has to physically swallow down the bile creeping up his throat.

"I can sorta, sorta get why you two-" he gestures at Gwen and Peni with his non-shredded-by-Miguel arm, "would go along with it, that guy's scary as hell, probably said allll the right things to you at the worst times of your lives."

They wince. Good.

"But you? You, Peter?"

He despises himself for the way his voice wavers as he shouts. The last thing he needs is to start angry-crying; make himself look more like a dumb kid.

"You never, ever thought for a single moment that, yannow, dooming countless people to die if that batshit theory were right, fucking helping it happen, was kinda sorta seriously fucked up?"

(In the corner of his eye, he sees 42-him's mouth twitch. He can't help but feel indignant for him too; this whole time the Society O'hara's band of sheep could've helped him, but they chose not to. Let his dimension go to shit because of that stupid fucking Canon.)

"And then you decide to be all buddy-buddy with me now? 'Cause of what, guilt? Some weird complex? Nuh uh, no way, I am not letting you just- just get away with this shit. You're the grown adult, why'd you never act like it?"

Sure, maybe it's getting personal now, the memories of the way the original group talked shit about him literally directly behind his back; forcing every single complicated feeling he had for them out into the air that he never allowed himself to feel back when he was a lonely kid who just missed their presence.

But... this all goes to show they never believed in him. Not once. It's not a hard leap to go from dumb-kid-who-can't-be-trusted to anomaly-that-can't-be-contacted.

Maybe Miles isn't thinking totally straight. He's angry, he's hurting, and he's tired - physically and emotionally. Tired of having to prove himself his whole life. Of being expected to be 'mature' and the bigger person even when everything screws him over. Of continually having to prove himself to grown adults who refuse to see past their noses until forced to.

Like Miguel. Like Peter.

A shaky breath. Clenched, trembling hands. "Why wasn't I worth it?"

[neuroticbookworm]

Another Thai BL, another Asian parent-child conflict that enrages the audience and yet, is extremely nuanced. I’m gonna try and speak on it as an Asian kid who grew up in the East, but currently lives in the West, carrying complicated feelings on the Asian parenting I received.

I’m seeing a good discourse in the tags from @lurkingshan, @respectthepetty, @bengiyo, @heretherebedork and @williamrikers, among others, on the hypocrisy of a dad who hit his son in anger and is now lecturing him on the importance of controlling one’s actions when angry. I agree with everyone that the dad is being a hypocritical piece of shit. But I do not think that this is a failure in the writing of the show. Quite the opposite, actually. Because of how Ten responds and acts in the face of this hypocrisy.

Ten comes across as belligerent and confrontational in every interaction he has had with his dad, but it is never uncalled for, and he never seeks it out himself. He tries to stay out of his dad and his stepmom/his dad’s girlfriend’s way as much as possible, and only responds in a defensive manner when provoked. And in today’s episode, he even kept himself open enough in the conversation with his dad, despite his anger, to concede and accept a very good point when raised. Ten understands his dad’s hypocrisy but refuses to stoop to the same level of pettiness because he knows being a good partner and a good friend is more important than being right. This is a mark of excellent writing, in my opinion. The main character is fiercely loyal to his partner and his friends and does not let his baggage with his dad cloud his course of action.

I also see calls for an apology from the dad already brewing in the fandom. And I understand the instinct to want that. It is always so satisfying when mistreated children finally get the apology that’s been long overdue. But it’s rarely this simple in an Asian household. Times are changing faster than most people can in a lifetime, and there are systemic, cultural flaws in how an Asian society understands and teaches parenting. And if we factor in the social, economic, religious lines that heavily influence how an Asian person forms their social circle, it would’ve left these parents with little to no peers who can tell them what they’re doing is wrong. Parents striking their kids is clearly considered evil nowadays, but only a few years ago, it would’ve been a perfectly acceptable response to control a bratty child, on and off screen (and it still is in some Asian cultures).

Now, NONE of what I said above is an excuse to write off the behavior of Ten’s dad as acceptable, just because it’s very Asian. As an Asian who grew up in the East, the demand for an apology does not particularly resonate with me, because Ten and his dad both know that their problems are not gonna go away as soon as Ten’s dad apologizes. Because:

If Ten starts demanding an apology for every shitty thing his dad has ever done, where should he stop? Should he demand an apology for the time his dad probably struck him as a kid when he was trying to get him to memorize multiplication tables, as is wont of every Asian parent ever (it is such an ubiquitous experience to Asian kids everywhere that there are reels with millions of views on IG, referencing this experience. Does this mean every Asian parent is evil and must be put on trial by their kids? Holy moly, think of all the money therapists would make if every Asian kid in the world decided to call out their parents on their shit. Entire economies would crumble to dust from the sudden disruption in cashflow.)

Is an apology going to comfort Ten? Asian parenting warps the sense of self of both the parents and the kids, because of the levels of abject sacrifice involved in it. It is extremely possible that Ten’s dad had worked day and night to provide well for his family, for his son, before Ten’s mom fell ill. It’s the same choice he made for his wife, but in this case, it paid off, because now Ten is financially well taken care of, and he is privileged enough to pursue a career in medicine. If Ten demands an apology from his dad for not being there when his mom was dying, do we know for sure that when he gets that apology, his mind won’t conflate the sacrifices his dad made for him, thus making him feel guilty for forcing someone who clearly cared about him enough to work hard for him, into defeat (look at this rich soup of Asian parenting misery, yum yum yum. I know it’s delicious because I’m paying my therapist weekly to make the broth less spicy).

The dialogue in the show whenever Ten’s mom is brought up and discussed is always very carefully worded:

Not “because you did not act”, but “because you took so long to act”. Looks like Ten’s dad made a choice that ultimately did not pay off. He cared, and he wanted to do something to save his wife, but whatever he chose to do ultimately did not help. And now she is dead and he has managed to not help and comfort his wife in her final days AND unwittingly traumatize his son with his absence. The show has painted this storyline with enough nuance that I don’t believe we are meant to read Ten’s dad as a simple villain, but rather a father who does care but has made some serious mistakes. This situation is so emotionally complicated and realistically, it’s gonna take years for both of them to find a middle ground. Ten is gonna have to grow up and make a few mistakes of his own in life to develop proper empathy for his dad, and that’s gonna put a couple things into perspective for him (I’m not saying Ten is bound to make mistakes because he is bad. He is going to because shit happens in life and human beings always do better in hindsight than in the moment). And the dad is gonna have to grow old and let his aging body humble him a little and shrink his ego enough to see that he had failed his son by not being emotionally available to deal with their trauma, together.

I’ve been watching Kim’s Convenience, a Canadian sitcom that follows a Korean-Canadian family and their shenanigans. I’m only on S04E02, but there is a father-son conflict at the centre of this show that is still not directly addressed by both the dad and the son. It’s been years (almost a decade, I think) since the son has been driven out of his home by his dad for a dumb mistake he made as a teen. And the way the show works on it is so infuriating, because it is so Asian. It is rarely addressed aloud in the presence of the dad or the son, lest it leads to anger and screaming and storming off. The path to reconciliation is built with mom calling her son for help to fix something in their home because his dad is too stubborn to ask for it. With the son visiting the hospital when the dad had to undergo surgery, and having their first real conversation in years which the dad forgets after waking up from the influence of pain drugs. With the daughter’s old phone passed down to the dad with her brother’s number on it, which leads to them texting each other. It is all extra frustrating for me because I’m extremely straightforward in my conversations with my parents. I do not like ambiguous endings to verbal conflicts because they are a ticking time bomb and I do not have the capacity to forget its existence and let it tick away in the background. But, I understand it when my friends, and Asian characters in TV shows, don’t want to force things out in the open if it can be swept under the rug for the time being, because peace of mind in Asian households is fleeting and you would be wise to take what you get.

Good TV shows can best serve their audience when they serve their characters, and stay true to the experiences of the people they are trying to represent. My teen ass was regularly shocked, appalled and intrigued by the sexual liberation promised by Western media I consumed while I was in school and college. I was surrounded by a sexually repressed society that was convinced that the only moral way to enjoy pleasure was after marriage with your partner. And very predictably, this means a lot of dead bedrooms, unhappy marriages and kids growing up with no real understanding of what romantic love looks like. I would’ve never had the courage to move my entire life to the West, if the Western media I watched had not represented its people in all their messy, horny glory, albeit with a rose-tinted lens on gender, race and sexuality.

Some Asian parents in media need to fall at the feet of their children and apologize. I remember being absolutely fucking enraged while @lurkingshan and I watched Double Savage at the behest of our friend @waitmyturtles, and in the finale, Korn was the one who fell at the feet of his absolute piece of shit of a dad to apologize for FUCKING NOTHING. And after Shan and I were done surviving that show, I remember telling my friends that most Asian media does not have strong writing whenever Asian children need to defy their shitty parents and come to terms with their destructive parenting, because chances are, most Asian creators would not have successfully done it. Hence, intergenerational trauma (gasp! It’s all connected!).

So. I would never demand to see Ten’s dad apologize to him to consider Cooking Crush a successful show, because that is not the cultural context this story operates in. Would I enjoy it if he does? Hell yes. Would I be mad if he does not? No, because Ten is proving him wrong time and again, and that’s a constant reminder from the narrative of who is in the right.

[beevean]

So some recent... discourse put into my mind the concept of "power fantasy", and how people relate to it in different ways. Of course, I'm talking about Hector :P

Is Hector, in the games, a power fantasy? I think the answer is "yes but actually no but actually yes it's complicated".

Let's be honest, first: Hector is a product of his time. He is, in many aspects, Castlevania's response to the wave of edginess that was en vogue in the mid-2000s - I don't compare CoD to ShTH for no reason lol. Hector was always meant to be an anti-hero contrasting the pure heroes the games always starred before him:

—Why did you choose the theme of "revenge" for this game? Iga: Up to now, the Belmonts have been seen as the good guys. I thought it'd be nice to do something other than a moralistic "good triumps over evil" theme sometime. After all, Castlevania has always had an excellent world for telling a "dark hero" story. Alucard would be one such character… though even he is fighting for a just cause: "I've got to stop my Father!" So he's still kind of a good guy. This time, though, I wanted the motivation itself to be impure. So this theme is what I came up with, and then I thought it would be even more interesting if each side was out for revenge on the other.

Hector has "impure" motivations. His quest is completely selfish: while all the other protagonists want to face Dracula (or others in his place) because it's the right thing to do, Hector is just in to kill the man who ruined his life. In fact, he really couldn't care less about the Curse, and multiple times in the game he asks why can't Trevor just deal with the issues he doesn't want to deal with lol. This is in line with other characters of the same caliber, such as Shadow sneering at a city being invaded by aliens until there is something in for him, or Guts who declares that he's willing to let a whole town fall prey to demons, as long as Casca is safe. However, this is not a detriment to Hector's character like it would be nowadays, as he's also very much mean to be "cool": while obviously every protagonist has his cool factor, even going back to Simon in the first games who defeated Dracula all by himself and then had to heroically struggle with the Curse, Hector is cool in that, well, deliciously over-the-top way that was all the rage back then. He can ride wyverns as he slashes them, he can go toe to toe with Trevor himself to the point that even he is impressed, he can forge a gun and an electric guitar, cutscenes show him punching a stone devil with his bare first, he gloats in Dracula's face that he can nullify his Curse... yeah, he's a gigachad lol. The flaws are only meant to make him cooler and not "boring", as paragon heroes were seen at the time.

I, personally, never cared about this part. I'm not the target audience for this kind of power fantasy. Sure, I like that Hector is over-the-top cool and I will always joke about his most outlandish feats, but I'm not so keen on reducing him to those alone. I couldn't even explain why avenging your dead lover counts as part of a power fantasy lol.

This is why I latched on so much on the first half of his story, the one where Hector deals with Dracula, and why I insist that Hector is much more than his admittedly cliché archetype of "angry man on a revenge quest".

Calling Hector "stoic" is not even knowing the meaning of the word. Calling pretty much any CV protagonist "stoic" is factually wrong, as even the more serious ones like Alucard and Shanoa have other depths to them (Alucard is still grieving for his mother and we see it in a nightmare, Shanoa was deliberately made stoic and she subtly longs to feel again), but Hector doesn't even begin to fit the definition of "One who is seemingly indifferent to or unaffected by joy, grief, pleasure, or pain". The whole point of CoD is that Hector was left so emotionally vulnerable by his grief that both Isaac and Zead used him as a puppet. Anger is the complete antithesis of stoicism. "well anger is still a toxically masculine emotion" - memes aside, Hector shows other emotions too, most notably around Julia, the only person with which we see how actually gentle and polite he is when he doesn't have Dracula's influence scrambling his brain. By the way, you cannot ignore the effects of the Curse on both Hector and Isaac when you analyze them, especially the former:

It can't be plainer than this.

And it doesn't come out of nowhere, because not only Julia herself tries to warn Hector that Devil Forgemasters are susceptible to the Curse, he acts vulnerable around her. He apologizes for his unjust outbursts, sympathizes with her plight, is visibly affected by her grief when Isaac dies... sure, it might be all because he's lowkey crushing on her, if you want to see it that way (and I do have my words over the plot point of Julia looking like Rosaly: I would have preferred if the game had more time to show that Hector grew to see Julia as her own person beyond her appearance), but the point is that this behavior highly contrasts with how angry and aggressive he is to everyone else, which the reveal of the Curse recontextualizes.

Also, just saying, while anger can be toxic, the point of these storylines is usually precisely that revenge is bad. Unchecked anger is bad for you, and you shouldn't let yourself fall down that spiral, lest you lose yourself. Isaac got consumed by his own hatred and died as a tool; Hector realized in time that he should snap out of it and survives, also because he was nice to Julia and so she grew to care about him and saved him when he tried to kill himself <- a reaction that is very unmasculine, might I add, as toxic masculinity dictates that men should make other people pay for their pain. bro. bro this is the complete antithesis of "toxic masculinity". Again, this is really not knowing the meaning of the word.

I don't even need to pull examples from the manga, but just for completion's sake:

iunno about you chief, but someone who bursts into tears just because wifey told him that she's happy he was born isn't exactly the portrayal of toxic masculinity to me.

Which makes me segue into the next point!

Hector and Isaac are victims of abuse, and this is another very important angle to understand them. And I'm not just talking about their childhoods, of which we only get hints, although of course it does matter that the two experienced so much hatred and rejection in their youth that Dracula was the better option for them.

We don't see the details, but Dracula affected both of them deeply. He put them in a competitive dynamic, favoring Hector over Isaac: Isaac grew bitter with resentment, which made him double down on his loyalty to Dracula, while Hector only got the appreciation he craved at the price of his very humanity and morals, which weighed on him. The point of this favoritism is not really the core of their rivalry in game, as that one was caused by Hector's betrayal, but it gives a different dimension to the character. It would have been easy to have the mistreated guy the one who decided to turn his back to Dracula, but no, it was the golden child. Isaac was so entrenched in this dynamic that he never broke free, choosing instead to blame Hector and do everything in his power to prove himself to an uncaring Lord, including (in the manga) killing his own underlings so that he would be free to face Hector by himself. From PtR:

"My own body is proof of Your expectations for him" is such a hard-hitting line. Isaac fears that he didn't even disappoint his Lord, because his Lord didn't have expectations for him in the first place. It's Hector the one he's so proud of.

And Hector hates it. By all means, he should be happy to have a home, to be respected and appreciated and free to use his powers. And he used to be!

"Lord Dracula... You once accepted and needed my powers. There was a time when such a thing gave me joy..."

Hector was grateful for his Lord, but he couldn't live anymore in the safety of the castle, if the price was committing indiscriminate murder for the sake of a senseless revenge, going against his morals and being used as a weapon. Hector had to make a choice: keep living under Lord Dracula's protection, but losing his humanity piece by piece, or breaking free and facing the world that hated him, but as a free man?

Hector chose freedom over conditional safety and love. He was ready to die, as long as he died a free man. He put himself first, he turned his back against people who did not truly appreciate him, and despite the mess he left behind it was the right decision. And that's the power fantasy I adore, and that is what makes him a strong character in my opinion. It's the embodiment of achieving self-confidence, the healthy selfishness, the affirmation of the self when everyone else around you only sees you as an object or a prize, the reassurance that even if you fall, you can always get up and try again and become a person you can be proud of.

And Hector, after breaking free, very much acts like a victim of abuse. I spent countless words over how he displays the belief that he needs to do something to earn the right to be loved by Rosaly, unaccepting of the fact that she simply does because, well, he likes him and sees the good in him, and that's it. I wrote a whole analysis on how this belief stems from a sad naiveté on how the world works, because Hector is naive underneath the aloof exterior, and it's not something to make fun of him for, but a tragic result of living under Dracula for so long. I'll also point again to him having breakdowns because he hates himself and sees himself as inherently unlovable.

I could also spend all the words about the parallels about how Hector loves Dracula and how he loves Rosaly:

In both cases, he latches onto the only person who has showed him a modicum of kindness. He wants to give his life for them. The difference being, of course, that Dracula only appreciates Hector for what he does (and I could also go into a whole tangent on how Hector was personally raised by Dracula to be his knight and he has a piece of his essence inside him which parallels how abusive parents see their children as an extension of themselves), while Rosaly for who he is. With Dracula, Hector understands that all the shallow care in the world doesn't matter if he isn't also respected as a person: he still cares about him, in some fashion, but not the point of clinging.

And if Hector is ready to lay down his life for Rosaly because she finally showed him what real love looks like, is it any wonder that seeing her die would spark such a fury in him that it makes him prey to the Curse and to being once again twisted into a tool?

The power fantasy comes from the part where Hector breaks free of the abuse and manipulation - twice over. But he is also relatable, with all of his flaws, weaknesses, and mistakes he makes. The whole point of Hector's journey in the first half of his story is that he feels the need to atone for his sins, and the consequences of his actions all catch up to him in the worst of ways. Ignoring this to reduce Hector to an edgelord who only spends his life angry and then hooks up with a Rosaly replacement (which incidentally also ignores Julia's personality and agency and I might even call as misogynist as the plot point itself) is a huge disservice to the thought and care put into him to make him stand out from his own archetype.

Power fantasies are not inherently bad. Depending on the fantasy, they can be inspirational. Hector is inspirational to me, if that wasn't clear, I see part of me in his circumstances and I admire his arc: it tells you, "you can break free too, you have the strength to do so, and you will find people who will love you without reason". And I just generally speaking find him a very well written character despite stemming from a rather outdated context, because all the details come together to make him fleshed out and tridimensional.

[bogboy420]

DISCLAIMER: this is abt my actual experiences w being cyberbullied on this website 4 2 of my recent posts both abt jax and gangle in ep 4 of the show, this is not abt ppl having different opinions from me, u can hav ur own hcs or interpretations of the show or the episode, characters ect, that's not the issue here the issue is i've been being harassed on my posts, made fun of 4 using txt speak, accused of being sexist 4 not liking gangle and 4 liking jax as a character, accused of ableism 4 saying that i hc jax as having aspd even tho i hc him that way bc of my own aspd and having symptoms that line up w his and made that clear in the posts i was making, and every time it's some1 deliberately misinterpreting my post and saying that im like morally a bad person 4 not liking gangle as a character and im just so fucking tired of it happening all fucking day 2day, so now that that's cleared up, i wrote this disclaimer last and after i had calmed down and the next part of this post is my very tired and angry ramblings so if u don't wanna c that then this post is not 4 u, this isn't abt disagreement this is abt consistent cyberbulling and im allowed 2 b angry abt it

u guys srsly need 2 stop cyberbulling me just bc i don't like ur "uwu smol bean mask girl"

pointing out a female character has flaws is not the same as me being sexist

pointing out that a male character is not only flaws is not me being sexist

but god forbid i wanna just c these characters as actual interesting and complex characters and not just 1 dimensional tropes

like im sorry u guys think that the writing sucks and that the writers would do their audience the disservice of writing their characters 2 b that bland but it's rly not my problem that u hate creativity so much

idk mayb learn 2 actually hav fun and enjoy the media u consume instead of getting mad at ppl 4 making character analysis posts and actually having media literacy that goes beyond the most baby surface level stuff of "this character cry so they did nothing wrong" and "this character angry which is bad"

also it's so fucking rich seeing u guys accuse me of sexism when lets b fucking 4 real here if gangle was a man and jax was a woman u all would hav hated gangle just as much as i did episode 4 and u all would think that jax being a lil shitheel bully was them being a ""girlboss""

also 4 the ppl saying im "blindly defending jax" i know jax is an asshole that's part of y i like him as a character! i just also think that it's likely not out of fucking nowhere since that's generally not how ppl work and i hav noticed similarities w his behaviour and some of my aspd symptoms leading me 2 believe that this might b partly the cause 4 some of his behaviour, like sorry 4 liking good writing and complicated characters ig!? damn!

but also just bc jax is an asshole doesn't make gangle this innocent uwu bean who did nothing wrong, like im sorry u guys think a woman crying means she doesn't need 2 take responsibility 4 being an abusive manager and attempting 2 brainwash her employees but that's rly not my fucking problem and it's not my job 2 comfort u or hold ur hand on that

it's not my fucking problem that u guys want every character on the show 2 b a one dimensional parody of themselves omfg

i should b allowed 2 fukin black gay boy post abt jax being a black gay boy being abused by his white girl manager without being dogpiled by fucking toxic gangle stans and ppl who r supposedly jax stans but clearly only like him as a 1 dimensional asshole they don't hav 2 treat like a person, imma b fr i think that's honestly partly y u guys love that "jax is an npc" hc so much u just don't want jax 2 b a person

[part-time-zombie]

No Substitute

pairings: platonic royality

summary: Roman's been struggling for a while, and he feels like he doesn't really have anyone to talk to anymore. Fortunately for him, he doesn't really need to talk to the real thing when he can just conjure a copy of someone to talk to, right?

tags/warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, Roman's still mad at Patton but they're getting there

word count: 3525

Roman returned to his room with a sigh. Today was a struggle, much like everything else had been lately. Even simple family dinners had become as daunting as some of his greatest quests, with every conversation feeling like a complicated duel where even the slightest miscalculation would lead to someone getting hurt.

He hated this, everyone constantly walking on eggshells around each other, but far too much had gone wrong for him to be able to fix it this time. Accusations and barbs had been thrown in every direction, both as offense and defense, and it was unfortunately only reasonable for everyone to still be on guard. Roman was definitely keeping his own shield up, after all.

It was just too hard to be as open around the others as he used to be. He had tried, time and time again, only to be let down every time. He worked so hard to pretend that things were still okay, that he wasn’t hurting, only to be let down every time. Logan would judge him for having problems, Virgil would disparage him and only worry him further, Remus would mock whatever it is that he’d admit, and Janus would only take great pleasure in hurting him with whatever weakness Roman would stupidly share with him.

And then there was Patton. Patton was a whole other story.

If anyone would actually try to comfort him or at least pretend to care about him, it’d be Patton. He was like sunshine and laughter personified on most days, always looking after the others like they were his own children. Which of course they weren’t, they were all the same age and he knew that, but it didn’t stop Patton from showering everyone in paternal affection every chance he got.

Still, he had his own flaws. Roman loathed to admit it, but pretending otherwise was impossible and painful. Patton had messed up big time, or he had been messing up this whole time, either way it felt like a betrayal. Roman had been following his lead from day one, modeling his role after what Patton had taught him. His very existence was built upon the guidelines Patton had set, leading him down the path he wanted and guiding him back on track if he ever got close to straying from it.

It made sense now, why Patton saw himself as the father of the group. He was their guide and guardian, the one to set a good example and to raise the others well. Their wellbeing was his job, and their future his mission. In a way, he did raise them.

And like most fathers, he let them down.

He didn’t know right from wrong, or good from bad. He was just guessing at every turn and hoping that he could figure it out before the others caught on that he was just as in the dark about this as everyone else was.

Everything Roman stood for, everything that separated him from his brother, all of it was smoke and mirrors that only distracted him from the crushing reality that he stood for nothing. His virtues and hopes, his self-imposed idea of “good”, “prince”, and “hero”, it was all worthless.

Roman was worthless.

He was furious; at Patton, at Janus, at himself. Maybe even at Thomas, painful as it may be to admit. As angry as he was, he didn’t have enough fight left in him to do anything about it. He was just tired, so tired, and he wanted more than anything to close his eyes, drop his sword, and let the battles end, come what may.

It’s not like he really had anything left to fight for, anyway.

No fortune, no future, no family.

No father.

He had never felt so abandoned, so alone, and he was desperate for a break from this desolation.

Even if he would have to fabricate it himself.

He had conjured living things before, plenty of times. Dogs, a fake Valerie, and just about whatever else the situation called for. They were never real, not like Thomas was, but they were close enough. They looked, sounded, felt, and even acted like the real thing, even though they only really performed in accordance to his own whims. He’d done it before; he could do it again. It would be enough for now.

Roman closed his eyes and focused. He thought of the smell of freshly baked cookies, the feel of soft fabric and warm skin surrounding him, the sound of a gentle voice to soothe him.

He opened his eyes and waved his hand, and a perfect replica of Patton stood before him.

Roman didn’t bother thinking of what the copy would say to him, or if it would say anything, instead preferring to just fall into its arms and feeling it hold him in one of those perfect hugs he’d gone without for far too long.

Warm limbs wrapped tightly around him in an instant, rubbing soothing circles in his back and holding him close as Roman finally let himself rest. He laid his head against his shoulder with another sigh, simply breathing in that all-too familiar scent that teased the constant ache in his chest back to the surface.

“Oh, sweetie, it’s alright. How about we sit down by the bed, okay?”

Patton’s voice was clear and calm, sounding exactly like the real thing. Roman didn’t want to think about why it wasn’t. He simply nodded and let himself be guided back to his own bed, where he was immediately pulled into another tight hug.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

If it were the real Patton, he’d say no. If it were the real Patton, Roman wouldn’t have even let him hold him in the first place. But this was just a replica, an artificial reproduction that Roman had built to cater to his needs. And right now, he really needed to talk to someone.

“I don’t know what to do,” he muttered, his voice muffled by the copy’s shoulder as it held him. “Everything’s gone all wrong and it’s just so hard to keep pretending anything is okay anymore. I can’t keep fighting anymore, but I don’t know what else I can do. I just… “ Roman took a moment to force down the few tears that threatened to spill.

“I just don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.”

One of the hands found its way to his hair, gently scratching at his scalp and persuading Roman to take a deep breath.

“Roman, kiddo… I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling this way. I know a lot of it is my fault and I’m so sorry I hurt you like this, but I’m glad you’re willing to talk about it now. I’m sure it isn’t easy, but it really does mean a lot to me that you could tell me how you’re feeling.”

“I don’t even know what I’m feeling, not really.” Roman muttered.

“Well, if you want we can figure some of your feelings out.”

“How?”

“Just tell me whatever’s on your mind. I promise I’ll help you with it as best as I can.”

If Roman were more attentive right now he’d be congratulating himself on his ability to recreate Patton so perfectly. Instead, he’d rather pretend things were different for just a few moments longer. Maybe he can try to convince himself that at this moment, he’s just Princey having a heart-to-heart with Morality, even though those days feel like nothing more than a distant dream.

He took a deep breath, focusing on everything he had been keeping down, and finally let it all out.

“I’m angry at you.”

Finally voicing those four words felt like he had just shrugged the weight of the entire world off his shoulders, and eased the pain in his chest enough for him to breath without effort. He couldn’t help but let out a quiet exhale at how much lighter he felt already. The real Patton isn’t going to hear this anyway, so what’s the harm in this overdue confession?

“I’m just so hurt and angry, and I know you didn’t mean to betray me or anything but I still blame you for it and that’s not fair either, but it all just feels sour now.”

Roman almost thought he heard a whimper, but if he did he ignored it. It might have been his own, he was certainly holding back much more than a whimper after all.

“It just feels impossible to have any trust or faith anymore,” he continued. “I’m supposed to fight for Thomas’ dreams but I don’t even know what it is that he’s supposed to dream for. Wanting success is selfish but being charitable is unhealthy, it’s like there’s no clear answer. I just wish I knew what to do, because right now it feels like I can’t do anything right.”

The arms holding him were still warm and solid, but they had started to still the longer Roman talked, until they were so taught with emotion that he swore he could feel them trembling in tandem with its fabricated heartbeat. He didn’t think a copy could even have any feelings to get hurt, but then again this was a copy of Patton, the self-proclaimed core of Thomas’ feelings. He supposed it was impossible to create a version of him that wasn’t emotional.

“Roman…” the voice began, tight and strained but still sounding like Patton, “Roman, I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you that badly. I swear I didn’t mean to, and I know it’s no excuse, but I want you to know that I really do feel awful knowing how badly this has all affected you.”

Roman was held even tighter, if that was at all possible, and the sob that he heard was most certainly not his own.

“I don’t know what I can do to make it up to you, or if that’s even possible, but I want to at least try to fix this, however I can.”

“I don’t even know how to fix this,” Roman huffed. “Or if it can be fixed at all. It just hurts.”

“I’m sure we can fix this, Roman. It’ll probably take a while, but you being willing to talk about it like this is a great first step. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you to do that.”

“It really wasn’t.”

Leave it to his own projection to stay optimistic. Then again, Roman wouldn’t have conjured a copy in the first place if it was only going to complain.

He already heard enough of that from the real sides downstairs.

“Would it be alright if I asked why you could talk about it now?” the copy asked.

Roman took a moment to think about it. He didn’t expect this faux-Pa of his to ask him questions, but the lack of a clear answer may have been the reason to ask himself this in the first place.

All in all, this is what he was really doing here. He was just talking to himself because it was the only way he’d be able to talk about this.

Well, he may as well answer himself.

“I guess I was just tired of pretending I wasn’t feeling like this,” Roman replied. “You can only really hold something in for so long, but it’s not like a lot of people were gonna listen to me.”

“Is that why I’m the one you wanted to talk to?”

Roman nodded against his shoulder, feeling his own throat tighten with emotion he was finding far too difficult to keep buried.

There really wasn’t anyone else he could imagine showing him any sort of kindness, not even when he could make a mere copy of them care for him instead of the real thing. Of all the sides, Patton was the gentlest, the most affectionate. That care always found a way of drifting into Roman’s orbit, even if it wasn’t anything meant for him. Patton was like sunlight in a snowstorm, saving Roman when he wasn’t supposed to be saved.

He knew he didn’t deserve that from Patton. Not the real one, anyway. He didn’t deserve affection, but that didn’t stop him from constantly chasing after its shadow. That was why it was so easy to win Roman over, just pretend to offer him something close to kindness and let his desperation leash him like the trained pet he truly was.

He just wanted to pretend that he wasn’t. That, just for a moment, he was something worth loving.

“I’m just so alone,” Roman sobbed into the fabricated shoulder’s fabric. “It doesn’t feel like I have anyone anymore. Janus and Logan hate me, Virgil and Remus want nothing to do with me, and- “

A heaving breath echoed through the room, only adding excess weight to the gravity of his words.

“… and you only ever care about me when it isn’t real.”

“Of course it’s real, Roman,” the replica weakly replied. “I’m right here, I care so much about you.”

Roman could hardly breath through his sobs enough to laugh. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means everything to me. And the others all love you, too. I know it.”

Roman feebly shook his head in denial, not even raising it from its spot in the crook of the copy’s neck. “No they don’t. I’m no good, everyone knows that. I’m stupid, and worthless, an-and mean, and…“ another sob cut him off. “And wrong. I’m always getting things wrong.”

“What do you think you’re wrong about?” the voice whispered.

“Everything. The dark sides, the wedding, Thomas’ goals, even myself. I always mess up and end up hurting Thomas and I don’t mean to, but I can never figure it out because I’m just too stupid to do my job right.”

Roman buried his head into the warm body that was supporting him, almost like he wanted to hide away from what he had said.

Or from what he was about to say.

“It’s why I’m not Thomas’ hero. It’s why I never really was. He’s better off without me.”

Roman heard a choked gasp before he was swiftly pulled back, and he was certain that someone had come in and was angry at him for this. He would be torn away from his only catharsis and yelled at for being so horrible, but it was only what he deserved anyway. Here he was, using the likeness of another side to vent his own problems and blaming everyone else for them as if he hadn’t done this to himself in the first place.

They had every right to hate him for that.

A rather loud sniffle that definitely didn’t come from himself coaxed Roman into opening his eyes again.

Patton’s face was inches away from his own, tear-stained and full of unbridled grief. His hands, still tightly clutching Roman’s sleeves, were shaking but still solid and warm.

They were the same hands that had held him earlier, the same ones that had pulled him away. The same ones he had conjured.

“No, Roman,” he choked out. “No. Thomas needs you; we all do. We love you so much, and we don’t ever want you to go away, alright? You’re our family, you mean the world to us.”

Roman wanted more than anything to believe himself right now. He desperately wanted to be convinced that that was the truth and not just him trying to back himself away from the metaphorical edge, but…

“Then why don’t I feel it?”

The figure looked like it had stopped breathing for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I can’t really believe any of that, because if it were true I would have been able to see it for myself. I know how little everyone thinks of me, I’ve heard all of it. If anyone actually loved me then they would have done something to let me know it, right? They wouldn’t act like I ruined their day just by showing up. They wouldn’t have given me a reason to avoid them like this.”

Patton looked like his heart had just been shattered. He looked like his very soul had shriveled away and died like a plant without any water. He looked…

He looked like how Roman felt.

“I don’t know how I didn’t… I mean I really should have… oh Roman, I’m so sorry!” he wailed, pulling Roman close and holding him to his chest like he would disappear once he was released.

“I had no idea I had been doing this to you this whole time, I should’ve… Roman, why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

Roman just stilled, letting his silence provide all the answers necessary.

“Sweetie, I- of course you’re loved! We all love you and miss you so much, I swear we never meant to make you think that we didn’t!”

“What do you mean ‘missed’ ? I was with everyone today for dinner. I’ve been here every day.”

“It didn’t really feel like it was you, though. It’s been so long since you’ve actually been yourself around us, but we just didn’t know why. Virgil has been so worried about you, and Logan’s always trying to find ways to help make things easier for you but it only made you more upset. Roman, we really do just want you back. We wanted to give you some space, take some of the pressure off your shoulders, but I didn’t even consider you might not have taken it that way. We weren’t ignoring you or avoiding you, Roman, really. We all just want you back. We want our hero back.”

That was what did it.

The tears Roman had managed to fight back earlier returned in full force, and he didn’t have it in himself to keep them at bay any longer. Maybe he could actually let those tears fall now that he had made up a shoulder for himself to cry on. Now, with only himself as company, maybe he could finally let himself break.

Patton held him as the worst of his shakes and sobs wracked through his body and let him weep and wail into his shoulder without objection. Though, over the sound of his own breakdown, Roman swore he heard a second side crying.

After what felt like hours but may have only been a few minutes, Roman finally let the last few sobs leave his chest, collapsing into the steady form that continued to hold him. He felt the bed shift a little as he was being gently laid down in a more comfortable position, realizing just then how exhausted he truly was. He let his eyes slip shut while blankets were slowly drawn over him and a gentle kiss was placed on his forehead.

Roman blearily opened his eyes again and saw his fake Patton staring down at him with a teary-eyed smile. He had never seen the real Patton make this kind of pained, loving expression before, but it certainly looked real on this imagined version of him.

Then again, the love from earlier had almost felt real, too.

“… Is there anything I could do for you?” the copy asked him.

Finally Roman had heard it. An offer to make things right, said by someone other than himself. Hearing Patton’s voice promising to work with him instead of Roman working for him was something he didn’t think he’d ever hear. He always had to be the one to clean up the mess, even if he had no hand in causing it. Now that someone was finally offering to be the one to help him, he didn’t even know what he’d want them to do.

Even in this made-up scenario, where he could pretend Patton would do anything for him.

“Could you just… hold me for a little longer? Just until I fall asleep? It’s been awhile since I had anything like this, real or otherwise.”

There was a brief pause, before Roman felt another kiss against his forehead and a hand combing through his hair again, as soft and sure as the real thing.

“Of course, kiddo,” Patton whispered. “And even if you don’t wanna believe me right now, I really do mean it when I say I love you. I always have, and I promise I always will.”

Roman closed his eyes with a content sigh, no longer having the energy to keep himself awake. Having another presence here in the room with him, even one he had to make up, made it so much easier for him to finally let himself rest.

“It’ll be okay sweetie.” Patton whispered as Roman started to drift. “I’ll stay for as long as you need.”

Roman managed to let out a weak chuckle before finally succumbing to sleep. “I know that. It’s why you’re here.”

Patton took a moment to watch as Roman slept, mulling everything over in his head. He wasn’t quite sure what Roman meant by that, or why he had even summoned him at all, but in all honesty, he didn’t really care. Roman was talking to him again, and that would be enough.

taglist:

@rougeside4 @keitaisghost @holdnarrytight @new-zee-land @lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie

@nico-the-overlord @oatmealdaydreams @can-i-take-a-stab @britt-ish123 @yuckypuppie

[grimlin-gromlin]

i love the died-then-came-back-wrong trope like yes give me these complicated conflicted emotions.

give me the realization that you got them back but not the way you wanted, and the guilt because shouldnt it be enough that they came back to life to begin with?? but the anger towards life and destiny because *dammnit you can make them come back to life, but you bring them back wrong?? you cant stand just letting us be happy can you???*

give me complicated relationships between the character who died and their loved ones. the one who came back, after so long, having missed so much, realizing that wow life really has moved on without you, and youre mad but can you be mad. and why cant everyone accept that who you are right now IS who you are. why do they want you to be someone you havent felt like in such a long time.

and the people who got them back, being upset and conflicted because *you're back but you're not who i remember you being. you're not the you i have stored in my memories. you're imperfect and flawed, and damn this should all be easy and happy because you're alive and thats what matters right? but its not because even though you're standing right here infront of me, i still. miss. you.*

give me characters who, at some point, even dare to wish that the other hadn't come back to life to begin with, but *how could they even think such a thing* but also *no. no they came back wrong and this isnt the you i remember. you're not them.*

give me people who used to love each other, who should be glad that the other is back, instead upset and angry and distrustful because things have somehow gone so Wrong.

give me them, even after all of that, moving towards each other, hesitantly, wearily still trying to mend their relationships.

give me the realization that yes, you're different than how you were before, but please. just come back to me. please.

[running-with-the-feels]

I love your Ainu Hanzo and how proud he is of his ancestry. Kind of ironic that his adopted son, as proud as Takeda is of his Thai roots, is also a direct descendant of a samurai clan that most likely helped orchestrate his people’s oppression. Then again, Hanzo does seem to have a habit of making friends with his historical enemies.

Anyway, just food for angst. Love you. Kisses 😘

DISCLAIMER! I am not indigenous in any way shape or form, if any part of the rambling below is inaccurate/harmful/problematic in some way, please point it out to me so that I can educate myself accordingly and avoid repeating that mistake in the future. Further, please take everything I say with a grain of salt, as again, I am not indigenous and thus my interpretation of this situation is likely flawed and should come secondary to the opinions of indigenous (and specifically Ainu) people.

Honestly, I get the sense that it would upset Takeda more than Hanzo. Or, well, I suppose it's less that Takeda would be more upset about it than it is that Hanzo has had time to learn how to navigate the complexity of that situation and Takeda would be getting tossed into the deep end.

Bc like, Hanzo has been living in Japan his entire life and was part of a Japanese ninja clan which was implied to be Very traditional. So he's already had years to grapple with being close to people whose ancestors were involved in the colonization and attempted eradication of his people. For all that Hanzo doesn't seem very fond of seeing the world in shades of grey, I think he would have grappled with the nuance of the situation long before Takeda ever got involved.

(Also, lets not forget that Hanzo is also a Japanese citizen who is made to work with members of the US military and potentially friends with the special forces characters though that isn't super clear. Mk9 takes place in 1992 as well, and while Hanzo's age is never confirmed, he was old enough to have a wife and child, so while he was likely not alive during the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945, he was probably born very soon afterwards. So Hanzo is not a stranger to relationships made incredibly complicated due to atrocities committed by people they are connected to)

Don't get me wrong, Hanzo's still plenty angry about the situation as a whole, and god help you if he hears you badmouthing his ancestors or his culture in any capacity, but there is a level of complexity to the situation that he has already found a way to reconcile.

For Takeda, on the other hand, he likely had no idea who the Ainu even were before he came into Hanzo's care, much less what his ancestors did to them. And given the fact that that history is on his Father's side of the family, and Takeda refused to even mention that Kenshi existed for Years, it probably took a while for Takeda to find out about it. So he ends up sort of punched in the gut by the information.

Hanzo likely raised him to be the kind of person who takes accountability for that and does what he can to make amends and reparations, which I think is an attitude that Hanzo likely instills in the Shirai Ryu as a whole, both due to the fact that he is Ainu, and the fact that he himself has done some pretty terrible (Though obviously not colonizer terrible) things. Hanzo is very much of the opinion that since mistakes cannot be undone, effort should always be put towards trying to to better and making what amends one can, even if the mistake wasn't yours originally.

That being said, I don't think that Hanzo would be of the opinion that people aren't responsible for what their ancestors did, I think he would very much hold to the idea that if your ancestors committed atrocities, you have a responsibility to try and make reparations for that, and that process should be guided by the community that was wronged.

This is a very long tangent but basically it boils down to "Reparations to indigenous communities are very necessary and while those descended from the original perpetrators of the crimes done to them are not technically at fault, they are responsible for the system that was constructed which they now benefit from and which still harms indigenous communities to this day. Further, relationships between indigenous communities and the colonizers/their descendants are incredibly complicated on both a group and an individual scale"

[boldlygreatsuit]

Why I love one-sided radiostatic

Before I start this little rant I must disclose that I’m aroace (so please know that this isn’t me trying to erase his orientation and present asexually as a problem, this is me trying to explore these complex and flawed characters) and so naturally I love the representation of alastor also being aroace so maybe me shipping radiostatic is a little hypocritical of me but I can’t help but love the story and tragic character exploration behind it.

Personally I like to believe that Alastor GENUINELY loved Vox, just not in the way he wanted. (They had some kind of queer platonic relationship but Vox wanted more and Al felt uncomfortable) And I think it killed Alastor to hurt his closest friend so much when he turned him down, I’ve been through something similar with an old friend I used to have. I know what’s it like so maybe I’m projecting onto Al but ehhhh.

It’s easy to just paint alastor and a evil psychopathic serial killer, a cannibal, and sadist, who loves torturing and tormenting people, don’t get me wrong, he is all those things but don’t forget he’s also human, he still has emotions no matter how much he represses them for the sake of his pride, reputation and self preservation. I could totally see him struggling to understand why’s he’s different and just brushing it off, after all, it’s never been an issue before now. He never had many close friends, nobody he’d ever be interested in pursuing. And now the person he loves the most wants him and he cant bring himself to want him back no matter how much he wants too.

I like the idea that Alastor wants to want him so much but he just can’t and it absolutely destroys him. He feels guilty and ashamed that he cant reciprocate Voxs feeling towards him (remember he’s from the 1930s, I doubt he knows what the LGTB is, let alone asexually so he’s probably under the impression that’s he’s broken in some regard. He probably never gave romantic and sex much thought, assuming that he would start feeling something eventually but nothing ever happened). While Vox just cant understand why he doesn’t like him back and keeps trying and it creates an uncomfortable situation for both of them.

I think radiostatic can be so tragic, they both love each other but in different ways and it tears them apart and they lose their closest friend due to it. Which ends up with them both bitter, raw and angry. Both blaming each other outwardly (Vox hating that Alastor rejected him while Alastor is upset that Vox went and caught feelings, complicating their perfectly platonic relationship) but internally hating themselves (Vox thinks he did something wrong to scare alastor away while Alastor hates that he couldn’t feel the same way).

I know Alastor is a very prideful person but I think behind closed doors his incredibly sentimental, after all, he’s pretty much a snapshot of the 1930s and he doesn’t seem to happy about change. So I could just imagine him up at night staring at the ceiling struggling with what he could do, whether or not, he should just lie to keep Vox happy and enter a relationship He does not want to be in so he can avoid losing his best friend (but also risk leading him on); or he turns him down and is honest with himself, not forcing himself into a relationship he doesn’t want but irreversibly hurting Vox in the process, and also risking losing Vox forever.

This could also create an interesting situation where Alastor agrees to date Vox and really tries to love him, hoping that maybe he’ll start feeling something eventually or at least get used to it. Of course this doesn’t really work and just creates resentment and pent-up emotions. Due to lying to Vox about wanting him and digging himself into this hole and the longer he stays the harder it is to leave without hurting Vox, this could lead to a messy breakup when Al just cant take it anymore and leaves.

I think “never love an anchor” and “tongue and teeth” are such perfect songs to encapsulate this kind of situation, the guilt and remorse but also the inevitability and hopelessness of it, the knowledge that there ISNT a right answer, no fairytale ending, this isn’t something to be overcome only accepted, and no matter what is done someone gets hurt severely and the only question is who and by how much. 

I want to see a Alastor and Vox confrontation where we see how upset they are and how they’re equally heartbroken. Al for the first time shows actual vulnerability as he’s expressing his self loathing and guilt towards his choices but even so he stands by them and tries to defend them. He hates that he did what he did but there wasn’t another option for him and he didnt know what to do.

They both struggle with their emotions but also their pride and respective personas, not wanting to put aside their pride and admit their own shortcomings and guilt, and be genuinely honest and vulnerable with each other. They want to comfort the other but they’re just at a point where they don’t know if they could, if it would make it worse. they both still love each so so so much (in different ways) but it’s all wrapped up in fear, resentment, guilt and heartbreak which complicates things.

Ngl the best outcome is these two going to therapy, probably Charlie, and actually learn how to communicate.

[weirdestcountryhumans]

North Korea and the Countryhumans Fandom: What We Get Wrong and Other Common Fandom Tropes That Make No Sense (To Me)

This is the spiritual sequel to this East Germany post. Disclaimer, asI feel I need to say this, knowing I am probably going to get comments on it.

This is not a post made in support of the North Korean government. I recognize and know that it is a dictatorship with a history of human rights abuses. This is a post criticizing a portrayal of North Korea as being nothing more than a terrible government.

North Koreans are people too, and condemning them all as evil due to a bad government is a shitty thing to do.

The first thing is the NK is evil and a terrible person, which has so many things wrong with it that I'm just going to break it down into smaller parts.

Nuke Obsession:

Pointed out to be by @geisterland, why does everyone make him the one obsessed with nukes? NK was not part of the nuclear arms race, and, if anything, like Geist pointed out, America and Russia/USSR be the ones obsessed with nukes because they were the ones who were a part of the nuclear arms race and also have so fucking many.

Anger Issues:

This is a matter of portrayal rather than a flaw in this character trait. It is not a bad thing to give North Korea anger issues, but it is a bad thing to portray the things he is angry about as unreasonable.

For example, painting North Korea as being angry over the Korean War and having that being a bad thing is a poor portrayal. Like it or not, North Korea has every right to be angry about a war, as many war crimes were committed against North Korea, like bombs, as well as torture of North Korean and Chinese prisoners.

While the North Koreans did start the war, Kim Il Sung told members of the communist party that South Korea had attacked first. That, although a lie, combined with the war crimes, gives North Korea every right to be upset. I am not saying that North Korea is innocent of war crimes in the Korean War; I am just saying that North Korea is well within its rights to be mad about this. This isn't something that North Korea would be unreasonably mad about, and his people did not "deserve" it.

Brainwashed by Government/No Free Will/Secretly Hates the NK Government:

Grouping these all together because I feel that they all have similar vibes.

First off is brainwashed by the government/no free will. As @geisterland pointed out, "Knowing how people treat real-life N. Koreans as just actors hired by the government to trick the foreigners, it just feels especially dehumanizing with him" (quoted directly cause they put it so well). It is very dehumanizing to portray him as being nothing but his government's beliefs. While yes, North Korea is a dictatorship, that does not mean that North Korea is incapable of his own thoughts (well, it depends on headcanons around dictatorships, I guess, but that is beside the point).

The point is that North Korea is going to have thoughts and opinions of his own and, like some countryhumans, may play an active role in the government. While it is not wrong to acknowledge that the North Korean government does create propaganda and does lie to it's people (although what country doesn't), North Korea is not that. Let the man have fucking hobbies. Make North Korea a person, not a caricature of what you think the country is.

This also ties into "secretly hates the North Korean government." It is a very Western view, the idea that North Korea has to hate his government because it is "evil" and he needs to be saved. North Korea is the country. He can probably be a little vocal about things he dislikes. I'm not saying make North Korea obey the government completely, see last point, but that North Korea is going to have mixed views on things, complicated feelings on others. He can like certain things about his government and dislike others. He is a person. Even people who adore their governments can find something they dislike.

Again, this is something I know is hard for a lot of people, myself included, to write because everything about it seems to intensely political. But here's a great tip.

You aren't writing politics. You're writing a person.

If you are unsure of how he might see things, check out North Korean newspapers. If you are unsure about how he might feel on something, and you don't feel that the sources you can find are trustworthy, maybe don't write that, or maybe his feelings are complicated on that.

But you can't overgeneralize things. North Korea is going to be as complex as any person. Maybe his government does lie to him, maybe his government tells him everything. Maybe he supports something because he wants to, or maybe he's doing it because he sees it as the best option. His relationship with his government can be complex and confusing.

He's a person. Not a robot. Not his government.

Make him a person.

Poorly Written English to show he is Asian:

Comes off as racist.

Hermit Kingdom Stereotypes

North Korea isn't liked by much of the Western World. He has been sanctioned by many, many countries. Part of these stereotypes come from the struggles that North Korea has as a country. I'm not saying North Korea cannot be an introvert. I'm just saying if you are going to make this a basis of her personality, you can maybe do at least a quick Google search to learn why this is.

North Korea knows nothing of the outside world

UN Member, and therefore, a member of subsequent UN bodies. A member of the World Federation of Trade Unions, International Red Cross and Red Crescent Movement, International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies, Group of 77, Inter-Parliamentary Union, Asia-African Legal Consultative Organization, International Hydrographic Organization and many, many more.

Does NK just never go to any of these political meetings? Is he locked in his capital 24/7?

He has to know something about the outside world. Even if he doesn't like leaving his country, there are so many organizations that he is a part of that I find it hard to believe he has never left it once.

Conclusion

I know people can get iffy when it comes to writing countries with dictatorships. I know it can be hard to balance what is the government, what is the people, what is the propaganda, how can I e sure I am doing it right?

But it is better to try and fail than not try at all.

You don't have to like the North Korean government. But the people of North Korea deserve to have a better portrayal of their country. They deserve to be seen more as just an evil dictatorship.

For the love of God, make North Korea a person.

[jacks347]

I'm bored to the point of mild irritation so imma tell y'all why you're thinking about Star Captains wrong.

"Jacks, what do you mean? How can we be thinking about Star Captains wrong? They're not that complicated!"

I'm gonna take a page out of Escaped's book and beat you for an hour with a bag of frozen lemons. After that I strap you to a chair like Clockwork Orange.

Class is in session bitches, bastards, and nuisances of all kinds.

There's a rule when it comes to Star Captains we all know about.

"Star Captains don't feel emotions."

Now, most people take that to mean "Star Captains don't have emotions" like they become a Star Captain and lose their ability to feel because they're no longer human.

But I don't like that interpretation cause it's inherently flawed and wrong.

Why??

I'm so glad you asked.

Because that's not what the rule says. Not to mention, it doesn't line up with how we see Star Captains act.

"Oh Guardian is a weird case, you can't use just her!" I will grab the lemons again, istg. Forks does this shit too, let me finish. ("What about Grips and Hazel?" ...shut up. This is my show, I'll talk about who I want to)

Star Captains have emotions, they just choose whether or not they feel them. Like they have their own personal on/off switch in their head they can access to decide which of their emotions they wanna feel and when. It's just the most of the time they turn off all of them.

When Guardian was in that repression chamber, her access to that switch was taken away, and she had to feel things whether she liked it or not, and the effect hit her so hard it caused hallucinations. (Which is a whole other post in and of itself)

Both Guardian and Forks show evidence of feeling emotions. Curiosity, anger, pride, disgust. If Star Captains really didn't have any emotions at all, then explain Guardian following Zed to see Manas City just to see how it'd changed or explain Forks being disgusted by Arkov for tricking people to get what she wanted like her mother.

Also, let's not forget, Forks raised two goddamn children. I don't know about you, but raising children is quite an emotional journey.

Just because a Star Captain chooses not to feel something doesn't mean that they don't. They feel quite a lot. But thanks to their powers, they can turn off their ability to feel in order to do their job.

Gods are described as a lot of things. But "unfeeling" is a shockingly uncommon one.

Angry? Yes. Bitter? Yep. Spiteful? Uh-huh. Curious? You bet. Caring? Occasionally. Protective? Usually.

Would the people of the PanOmniverse really trust a god to have their best interests at heart, protect them, and save them if they truly believed they were incapable of understanding the emotions of the people they were overlooking?

Anyway, next time a friend tries to tell you Star Captains don't have emotions, point them to this post and I'll chew them out for you.

(P.S. Seriously, @escapedaudios, my guy, what is with the lemons??)

[evenmoreofadisaster]

Regarding the last ask my interpretation of two and he and one’s very umm messy dynamic is that I don’t think two really would want to understand that one loves him. Like there’s huge messy mistakes and hurts caused by both side that make it hard for either one or two to understand love in general let alone acknowledge it.

But.

But. How I’m perceiving two in how he’s been presented to us is that even if it (one loving him) could be pointed out to him in a way he understands I think he’d refuse to acknowledge it because atm he holds so much resentment and bitterness and hate* towards one that having it pointed out that one loves him would not be something he could handled because then it would be like forcing him to realize the hurt he’s causing someone who loves him and it would force him to grapple with the fact that the feelings he holds for someone that loves him are not necessarily good or healthy and that in turn would probably make him feel flawed and like the monster the hidden city believes him to be and I don’t think he could handle those feelings and so he just…wouldn’t. He’d deny any evidence of one’s love solely so he didn’t have to deal with what it means and his own messy complicated feelings

(* when I say hate i don’t mean two hates one we know he loves him back but I mean like there is hate and it does get projected on one a little maybe but it’s more hate about the lack of respect and lack of equality and hatred of the situation and ranks and how one enforces it just as strongly as Draxum like I could see two saying he hates one but it’s misplaced it’s not actually hatred of his brother it’s more hatred of the messed up dynamic they have and since that was set up by Draxum it’s easier and safer to blame one then it would be the commander)

The flip side is I have a lot of thoughts about one on this too because he’s is obviously not like without his own set of issues and mistakes that he brings to the dysfunctional relationship between them but the ask was more about two so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ that’s my take on how twos being written so far and I could be way off so feel free to correct me if I’m wrong!

Anon I really like where your head is at. This actually made me think of some important things we have to figure out before s1 part 2

Ok so i really think you’re onto something. Two doesn’t understand that One loves him not because he hasn’t noticed but because he doesn’t know what it is. For Two, everything he and One do is a product of their mission and purpose as Draxum’s experiments. That’s his understanding and just generally how he sees his life, including his relationship with One. Here’s where it gets tricky. I know in the ask you’re referring to i said Two doesn’t understand that One loves him, and that’s true on a technical sense. I think on some level Two understands that One cares about him because Two cares about One too. As much hostility and mistrust as there is between them, theyre still very close. That relationship is just tainted by a lot of bitterness, so much so that I think Two has lost that feeling of caring and trust that they used to have as children, pre-rank. But he hasnt forgotten about it entirely. Its why one does what he does snd probably part of why two’s so angry all the time.

I love your thoughts on Two reacting to this all being spelled out to it bc, like I said, he doesnt’ actively recognize where One’s motives are coming from, since hes blinded by his anger rank and desperation/commitment to draxum’s mission. If he was told One loves him, itd probably come as a surprise. He wasn’t aware that could even HAPPEN. Two barely remembers behaving like a child and being so carefree, likely assumed that One shed the empty “brother” and “family” mindset like he had, and “woke up,” so to speak. But I actually think that realizing that would just make him angrier. How could One “love” him but still treat him as an inferior? He’d probably think of it as pathetic and weak and just an excuse or maybe simply dismiss it as not true. Underneath that, though, he’d probably panic a bit (fueling his anger), and yea maybe wondering why they’re so different, which honestly could either make him feel insecure or more isolated from One. But that side of it probably comes out in season 2 :)

Two and One’s relationship is super messy and it absolutely infuriates Two most of the time. I really loved hearing your thoughts they made me think a lot about Two’s internal feelings and thoughts :)

Also, we would love to hear about your thoughts on One, if you're willing to share!

[angelsdean]

how is dean not the same as john. in the later seasons i mean. sorry but describing him as "not an angry man" is insane to me cause dean's number 1 of getting out his emotions is anger. i love dean as well but like. you know john tried to be better too right? like i dont really understand how you extend this huge hand to excuse some of dean's angry/bad tendencies (which imo makes him that mlre interesting: the fact that he is angry and he's sometimes not a particularly good person) but refuse to extend even a sliver of this to john? obviously i get that you're attached to dean way more than john thats like common sense for us deangirls but genuinely. cas died and dean did turn into his father. its a thing that happened. i love dean and i dont understand how you can call yourself a deanlover but... erase so much of him??? like you can say he has bad qualities. thats what makes him human. john and dean are much more similar than you claim and its genuinely confusing to me why you don't see that. not trying to start a fight or anything i genuinely would like to get a piece of your mind on this

no no no you misunderstand. i am not erasing ?? his anger. he IS angry (it's just that anger for dean is rarely actually anger). i also think his imperfections are what make him interesting. i talk abt this a lot actually. about how i don't believe in flatting ANY character to prop them up as your fave. people being messy and flawed is good. the problem i have is people who do not look at dean w/ any nuance and just point blank go: he's angry therefore he's abusive and equals john without examining WHY he's angry, where that anger originates from, the fact that his anger most often is Not true anger for the sake of anger or violence. instead, his anger most often stems from fear and grief. especially during widower's arc. he's drowning in grief and as much as we love jack and can see in hindsight that he wasn't a threat at all, dean doesn't know that! we as the audience get the privilege of often knowing and seeing more than the characters! all dean sees at the time is a Very powerful being, who IS the son of lucifer, and who he believes manipulated his best friend and got him killed. he does have every right to be afraid and wary of jack. (and i'd argue he has the right to feel this way again with soulless jack, he IS afraid of him and what he might do and he's also grieving mary and that mixture of grief + fear is where his anger-but-not-really-anger comes from).

i also DO look at john with nuance as well. i've talked about how i don't like when people reduce john to a flat caricature or cartoon villain abuser. there's more going on, there's nuance, their dynamic is so complicated. john is Also, at first, drowning in his own grief. i think early on, john DID try, and was mostly motivated by a desire to protect his family, but he went about it wrong and imperfectly. however, where they diverge, is that john continued to let his anger consume him for the sake of revenge. he neglected his children, he put them in danger through his repeated neglect, and he did (based on various pointed insinuations) at one point or another physically abuse them, most likely dean specifically (the line abt flagstaff, also less "canon" but in the john's journal book john mentions how dean was particularly responsive to "discipline" and that john feels he's been too soft on sam)

the thing is, being angry doesn't make you a bad person. being angry is human. dean's anger imo, and the way we see it manifest--most often when what he really wants to express is grief and fear--is indicative of his internalized behaviors learned from john and past trauma that remains unresolved. this man has never had a chance to COPE or unpack not only the abusive and controlling environment he grew up in, but all the subsequent years of trauma INCLUDING his hell trauma. that's a lot. all those bottled up feelings are gonna turn into a lot of anger and frustration. he doesn't suffer perfectly. like you said, and which i agree, he is not perfect. he's flawed. he's human. but i don't think being angry and suffering imperfectly makes him a bad person. i feel too much empathy and compassion for him. i can see struggling and i want someone to help him. sometimes when people are in pain they'll say or do things they don't mean. and yes, they may hurt people in the process and those people are allowed to feel upset, but dean is also hurting. and i don't think he's a horrible person for not suffering the "right" way or not being a "good victim." and that's how i view widower's arc, as someone who is deeply hurting and suffering. it's not excusing his behavior but it's not vilifying it either. john gets similar feelings from me too, to a point. but john took things further and actively abused and neglected his young children and raised them to be soldiers and made them put aside their dreams and desires in the name of HIS revenge quest. he raised his children to live in fear and used fear and violence to control them. however, despite the fact that *i* don't particularly like john winchester, i know that his dynamic w/ his sons is nuanced and i know that dean both Loves and Hates him and that both those feelings can and do co-exist and i enjoy that duality.

dean's complicated emotions during times of intense grief and stress (widower's arc, losing mary, finding out chuck was controlling his whole life) are isolated moments but do not speak for his whole self. outside these high stress situations, where what he's really feeling is fear / grief / worry, we usually see dean to be very compassionate and patient and good with children.

this is getting very long now and i don't know if you'll take the time to read all of it but i'd like to conclude with saying my main issue with the "angry man in the house" phrase is the way it is used out of context to paint dean as becoming john and taking the place of the angry man in the house, when the original context of the quote is about being haunted by the angry man you grew up with, not becoming him. i talk more in-depth about all of that in this post.

also, just as an aside but, i generally have two "modes" of operating on this blog. one is fangirl mode where yea, dean is my blorbo specialest princess who can do no wrong<3 and then there's the other mode where i'm doing formal analysis of canon where it's more abt dissecting things and talking meta and looking at WHY characters are acting how they are. that's when i talk abt their flaws and motivations and nuance and context. also, people are often needlessly harsh or over-exaggerate things dean said or did in canon just to vilify him and in those instances yes i will go to bat for dean and "defend" him, usually by just, pointing out the nuances and additional context for his actions that many choose to overlook or misinterpret just to make dean seem worse than he actually was.

[oldsargasso]

YOUR WIP SNIPPET I’M GONNA FALL DOWN!!!

Kenta sitting there and waiting with Kim is so cute to me, Kim’s “are you fucking kidding me” look is HILARIOUS, and oh my god Kenta just tell him you want him to grab you by the collar.

That’s a really good point, especially when it comes to their relationship with Kim. It’s easier to accept someone’s flaws when it’s not you they’ve hurt, and when they didn’t target you specifically. Like how long does it take Kim to process what he went through? Does he have dreams about Winner standing over his body? There’s a level of physical trust that has to be built up from below zero. Winner went out of his way to beat on Kim when he was down (and maybe part of him was bitter that Kim hadn’t embraced him as a teammate, and angry that the person who always turned him into a kicked puppy was so easily reduced to nothing, like “You’re supposed to be better than this. Get up,” kind of complicated, misplaced, nasty feelings). 

Another thing I’ve been thinking about in regards to guilt and penance is Kenta and Dean’s relationship, and the way Kenta pushed Dean down the wrong path? I don’t think Dean would particularly blame him—it was his own choice (unless it turns out that Kenta knew Charlie’s death was gonna be faked and let Dean take the fall for it. In which case there would be a lot of anger, since Dean was already upset about being blamed for something he didn’t do).

But I think Kenta would probably blame himself (when does he not), since Dean would never have done anything if Kenta hadn’t suggested it, if Kenta hadn’t seen him as a set of dominoes ready to topple over. I think it’s something they’d probably fight about and would tie into Dean’s issues with wanting Kenta’s respect.

Oh yes Winner you are such a martyr it is sooo terrible to have to sit there and watch all of that glorious action; whatever would they do without you? 😆

Oh Dean. He’s never not gonna make me hurt. I am NOT ready to talk about him and Alan again ahdjfjfja it is so tragic!!!

How DO they all get together SHFJFJF THAT’S SUCH A GOOD POINT. It’s honestly probably very messy and convoluted, given all of their histories and Winner’s resistance to even caring about anyone. I think things would happen between some of them more easily than others. I will think some thoughts on this. 

I am. Not Optimistic about all four of them surviving. LOL. 😬😬😬 But I am prepared to fully ignore some things that happen and and live in canon divergent land ahdjfkfj. I had the SAME thought about Dean, like oh at least he’s safe behind bars! (The episode may have aired by the time this gets posted so I may already be in “lalala ignoring this” land”)

(WINNERDEAN FIC!!!! 🥺🥺🥺)

WAY HAS A CAR DEALERSHIP AS A SIDE HUSTLE 😭😭😭 Winner at least podiums during the races, so maybe he gets a modest amount of winnings? Idk how racing works BUT I do think he has family money. Like he absolutely has those entitled vibes, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he comes from a racing family as well. 

THE SAME GYM, THE SAME LOCKER ROOM, AND THE SAME BAR. Like I know the city is not that small, why are they always up each other’s asses hmmm (homo reasons)

I just keep imagining all the ways it would go down. it's so dependant for me on how well Kim and Kenta knew each other BEFORE. did they meet that singular time Tony came to watch a race? or was Kenta doing like, personal assistant type stuff and helping Kim get settled in? I can't get past the look they share as Kim is taken away it's SO charged and speaks to a bit of an established relationship (of any sort). but yes Kim should grab Kenta by the collar. both of his shirt and the one Kim's gonna give him.

oof I feel like we haven't discussed Kim's trauma from being held captive and beaten up at all, how have we missed this!! it's definitely the way Winner went about it, bitter and vindictive exactly as you say. like when we first meet Winner and Kim in the gym they're aligned together but very quickly Kim is like "um no" - we see him very much against Winner employing dirty tricks but he's also aggressively not on team Winner before that even. if only we had gotten a handful more scenes of Red Racing before everything kicked off! the guys in the garage Winner's drinking with seem to support him, so he's not the worst all the time. but yes to everything you said! there is a huge gulf between where they have to come from to where we most often place them all together. I guess that's the more difficult part of their story and not half as fun to discuss as them all navigating an actual relationship lol.

wasn't it Kenta who sabotaged Babe's car the other time? he got caught on the cameras but literally only by Kim, who's locked up at the time Charlie's car gets sabotaged. couldn't he just. do it again?and also HOW did Kenta know to go to Dean for that? (my headcanon is Winner introducing Dean to Tony as a like, here's a guy who could be on our team kinda thing. like someone had to know to exploit Dean.) anyway YES. Kenta would blame himself and him taking all the blame of it is taking away Dean's agency. because he DID make that choice - he didn't think it was going to kill Charlie but it was always a risk, car racing is not the safest sport at the best of times. it would tie in very well with the age-related respect issues; Kenta reducing Dean's role in it all is akin to treating him like a child, like he doesn't know enough to know what he did was bad. so far Dean's the only one who's faced actual consequences for his actions!

honestly I can see it starting with any permutation of the four of them lol. I often default to it happening WinnerDean + KimKenta -> all four (after various mixing of three of them) - probably the only way I can't see it happening first is WinnerKenta lol. although that would be the most toxic way to kick of this toxic polycule.

Winner is the one I'm most nervous about since he's a true villain in the piece but I'm Very Concerned about a Kenta self-sacrifice play. but yeah I will be joining you in canon-divergent land if anything actually happens to these four. BEYOND what already has lmao we gotta get Dean out of jail.

(SOMEONE has to write winnerdean fic we are starving. I gotta stop using all my words and energy on these asks lmao but I'm having so much fun)

we have now discussed rich kid Winner in our third simultaneously occurring pit babe-related conversation on this website lmao. at some point in the near future I am gonna go through and collect all the exchanges we have had and put them all together.

FOR REALLL though, x hunter seems to despise Winner yet at no point was anyone like "should we go somewhere he won't be?" of course not. surely I am not the only one who believes one of the reasons Winner hates Babe is because he got rejected by him.

[theographos]

Perilous Trails is not the best representation for Itto...

Itto is a very hard character to comprehend. The base is simple : a troublemaker with a heart of gold, and while he might be all over the place and a bit too competitive for his own good, he has morals that he strictly sticks to.

But in practice it's actually more complicated to show this balance in him than you might think. You have to make him careless enough so that the 'trouble' and 'himbo' parts of his personality are present, but responsible enough to ensure he respects the "Oni Pride".

He do whatever he wants because of the Oni Pride, he's not going to put on a picture perfect act when it's not who he is. But whatever he wants at the end is fairness, equality and the safety of others. And winning in the process is a pretty big bonus.

And while this quest shows some understanding of Itto, (we all saw him punching the door, i'm not going to pretend like it's not something Itto would do because it is, and it's hella funny.) it also lacks some understanding in the other aspects of this character.

For example when he puts up a fight with Yelan at the beginning of the quest. Yes Yelan is an authority figure in this case, yes Itto doesn't care in the slightest if an authority figure approves his decision or not (unless it's Granny Oni or Kuki Shinobu) and he shows it quite well in his character quest with the Tenryou Commission.

But this is not the same context here. He is in an unknown land, in a unknown place and is trying to keep his "savior" (Yanfei) safe. And a random women who quite seem to know what she's doing tells him that this place is dangerous and he shouldn't stay here.

His morals clearly indicates that he should not back down against injustice. And it's clear in this moment that this is not injustice, Yelan is trying to keep everyone safe, including Yanfei.

So based on everything I said so far, it doesn't make much sense that he would get angry against Yelan. He would bargain, try to convince Yelan that he is capable of surviving down here by proposing a duel or even convince everyone to get out of this place and get to safety, meanwhile he and Yelan will do whatever Yanfei needed to do in her place so that she doesn't have to be in danger.

And I get that they needed to put a fight here so that everyone would get stuck in the timeloop (or timehole, i don't know how to describe it). I get that they needed to have some kind of tension beforehand so that you could clearly see them slowly warming up to each other and forming the best of teams.

But this is exactly where the difficulty of storytelling is. You have a bunch of characters with their own flaws and strengths, you have a situation in which you want to put them in and now you have to use those flaws and strengths to make it work. It's not an easy work, no one said otherwise here.

But the fact that this is complicated doesn't mean you can rough up a character's personality, even just a little, so that everything works. The writers could have added some kind of pre existing tension between Yelan and Kuki, a sort of cold relationship like Diluc and Kaeya. Kuki has been to Liyue, Itto considers Kuki as part of the gang and thus a part of his family, so if Yelan let out some passive aggressive comment about Kuki because of some pre existing tension due to an old event between the two of them, then Itto would get mad.

Then Itto would want to fight her, then the situation goes wrong and boum they are stuck in timeloop/timehole.

Same thing for when Itto decided to knock a wall with all his strength to make the arguing stop. The part that triggers me here is not his sacrifice for the good of others, he is able to do that, it's the fact that he does this without saying anything before hand.

Itto is anything but silent that's for certain. Before doing that he would at least yell a big "shut up" to everyone. Maybe he could yell that, hit the wall and say to or three sentences before fainting, because of course he wouldn't have planned the part where something bad would happen to him. He would have thought that he could still have some force left in him after that, because he is full of hope and would only hope for the best.

But in my opinion having him unconscious for the second half of the quest wasn't the best idea in the first place. Firstly because I absolutely adore him and he is literally my main, so having a quest with him being conscious only half of the time isn't what I can call satisfying.

Secondly because at the end for Xiao's sacrifice, I would have absolutely loved it if Yelan AND Itto were the one to go and get him. I mean the two people who caused this whole thing (not entirely, but if they didn't fought in the first place...). Itto would never want to see someone close to him sacrifice themselves for him, Yelan cannot allow that to happen again.

One of them is spontaneous enough to jump, the other one is protective (and traumatized) enough to jump. I don't see why this didn't happen to be honest.