#let it be known that storm is bi

[ffverr]

TRUST that the day I actually get to read this issue is the day I will become fully insane

[bairdthereader]

Nick gets a lot of (well-deserved) credit for being an amazing boyfriend to Charlie, and we know by now that he's a great friend, too. But what's almost more interesting to me is the underlying core personality trait that enables him to be both of those things--his emotional intuition and intelligence.

You see this in the comics mostly through Nick's facial expressions (no one can look worried like Nick Nelson can), but the show takes it a bit further. He's incredibly in tune with Charlie almost from the get-go. Nick watches him for small emotional cues and recognizes what they could mean, most notably before the confrontation with Ben after rugby practice. He reads between the lines of Charlie's deflections and falsely cheerful texts and pushes (with trademark Nick Nelson sensitivity) for the truth. He notices when Charlie is beset with intrusive thoughts, even if he doesn't know (at least early on) what they're about, and proceeds to interrupt those thoughts. He can read Charlie so well not only because he pays attention, real attention, but because he already has the emotional intuition required to interpret Charlie's inner complexities.

There are many moments throughout the show where we see Nick display this keen insight with everyone in his life, not just Charlie. When Elle, who he barely knows at this point, is upset about being set up with Tao, he immediately seeks to alleviate her distress by offering a true explanation of why she and Tao were invited in the first place--to be part of a triple date. He wants Elle to know that it was important to him (and Charlie, Tara, and Darcy) that she and Tao be there not just to try to set them up, but because they wanted to include them in an important step for both couples (Nick and Charlie just beginning to share their relationship, and Tara and Darcy trying to find acceptance after coming out as a couple). Nick knows that Elle values truth and honesty, and he gives her that so she can feel comfortable with her friends again.

Nick is also incredibly understanding of Tao, who, it has to be said, barely even understands himself for much of the show. There are a lot of scenes where Nick is trying to connect with Tao but maybe oversteps just a tad because he sees more of Tao than Tao is ready to have seen. The moment outside Charlie's house when Tao tells Nick about Elle's art college ambitions, Nick cuts through to the heart of the matter--Tao's concern about missing Elle if she's far away. Nick is the first person in the friend group to connect the dots about what Elle's college acceptance might mean for Tao, and immediately tries to help Tao process those feelings. He's met with anger, but only because he managed to hit a lightning bolt of a nerve in Tao's emotional storm.

And of course there's Imogen, who Nick has known for a long time but begins to understand and appreciate on a deeper level as their relationship moves from superficial connection to true friendship. He sees how sensitive she is, how lonely in some ways, and is always looking out for her, keeping a concerned eye on her. He gives her the space she requests, but also comfort when she lets her walls down enough to ask for it. His innate understanding of what people need--especially when what they need is just someone to be there--is impeccable.

It almost goes without saying, but Nick's emotional wavelength with his mom is similarly strong and nuanced. When Nick comes out to Sarah, he makes sure she understands how important it is to him that she knows--not only that she knows that he's bi, or that Charlie is his boyfriend, but that she knows him. That their relationship is so important to him that he can overcome his fears to share this most vital part of himself. Nick's value of Sarah extends to caring for her when she's dealing with the stress of having his dad and David around. Of course, Nick is still a teenager and there are a lot of scenes that show Sarah's deft handling of Nick's emotions, but it's a two-way street. Nick takes care of her in his own way too.

Nick starts his relationship with Tara and Darcy leaning on them for advice and guidance, but by the end of the show they're leaning on him. Nick sees their struggles, especially Tara's, possibly more clearly than anyone else does because he recognizes some similarities between their situation and his with Charlie. When they're in trouble, he knows Tara needs care and honest advice, even if it's not the most comforting advice. He knows that what they both need is strength and security and tries, in his careful way, to give them those things.

Nick Nelson, always looking out for everyone he loves, keeping them safe as much as he can, hugging them when he can't.

[kiwi-backup]

Missing Him

pairing: Satoru x reader (x Suguru mentioned)

wc: 3k

warnings: mdni, oral, penetration, work smash, bi, fem reader, a lot of goddamn angst, etc.

The door to your office opens while you're busy cleaning up the classroom, and it doesn't take long to register who it is.

Satoru enters the room with a few easy strides, locks the door, and approaches carrying a heavy aura ripe with longing and evident lust.

It's in his crystal eyes when he pulls the blindfold off while cutting the space between you, hands on your hips while he crowds you back against the desk, using his height to his advantage.

Gojo, the ever-boisterous, exuberant colleague and peer of yours gives away his deep-seated need with the way he doesn't say a word at first...showing exactly what's on his mind just from the way he holds you, dipping his face closer to yours with hitching breath. The almost dream-like haze in his eyes and the heat in his cheeks being a clear indicator of the storm picking up within him.

"Please..." Satoru whispers, lips next to yours while he slips his fingers beneath the hem of your uniform, letting them wander up to caress the underside of your breast nestled beneath that soft bra of yours. His words come out almost breathless as he takes in your familiar scent that's both comforting and painful to him. "I need it...please..."

You know work is the last place you should be entertaining this, but seeing that desperation in his gaze and feeling how pent up he is wears down your resolve.

It always does...you've known him long enough to be able to pick up on his cues, and to know that he'll be on edge until he gets what he's craving.

With a faint shiver from the brush of his skin against yours, you meet his gaze, feeling the way his cheek lightly rubs against your own. "This can't wait until later?"

His next breath comes out shaky then, giving away his barely-maintained restraint. "No...it can't. Please..."

Your eyes linger on his for another moment before you gently guide him back while you sink to your knees, watching as immediate relief moves through him as if you just cured every ailment he could ever be plagued with.

Satoru swallows hard and keeps his gaze locked on you, noting how deftly you unbutton and unzip his pants, edging them down enough to expose his black briefs restricting his raging bulge.

He huffs out a breath the moment your palm ghosts over his clothed cock, making his eyes flutter shut. His fingers drift down, soothingly running through your hair and rubbing against your scalp encouragingly.

"God..." he whispers, body shaking ever so slightly with his debilitating need, soaking in the friction of your palm sliding against him. "I miss him..."

"I know you do," you murmur back, sinking your fingers into the waistband of his briefs to pull them down, freeing his arousal.

Satoru's heart stutters at the rush of cold air that meets his hard cock, soon replaced with the fan of your warm breath, then the comforting heat of your mouth surrounding him.

A gutteral moan escapes him the moment he feels his tip breach passed your lips, immersed in the addictive silky pool he's more than prepared to drown in. His fingertips flex against your scalp while he struggles to maintain his composure.

You carefully envelope him completely before establishing a slow pace, working your lips and tongue around his hard flesh. You hum at the feeling of his growing desperation and how he gives in like usual.

"Fuck..." Satoru mumbles, gently guiding your head the way he likes it. He loses himself in the addictive sensations immediately, like getting his regular fix to ease the pain...to ease the difficult memories. "That's it...just like that..."

Even if he means it, there's something hollow and practiced about his praises—ghosts of words meant for someone else.

Satoru's bottom lip pulls between his teeth while his chest heaves and he does everything in his power to hold out. With his eyes closed and head tipped back, for a moment, he's able to forget that its not really his dear friend sucking him off.

No...in that moment, he can feel Suguru's lips wrapped around him, ravishing his cock like he used to. He can practically hear his erotic humming and slurping...divulging not only Satoru, but himself as well.

He can feel Suguru's inky strands slipping between his fingers. He can feel his throat opening up to take him so completely.

"Fuck...keep going, sweetheart," Satoru rasps, opposite hand falling to the desk's surface while he gives several slow, shallow rolls of his hips toward Suguru's—your—mouth. Despite his usual strength and stamina, he's struggling this time while his whole body trembles.

He just misses him so much...misses how Suguru used to take him like a slut and beg for more. He misses their mutual understanding—their mutual need to get each other off regardless of parading around like only friends.

That's all they were. Friends or secret lovers...it didn't matter. He was addicted to the feeling of being completely consumed by Suguru, and with him being gone, he only had one other outlet he could depend on.

The guilt always floods his system when he finds himself like this, seeking that same rush and release in you. When his thighs start trembling as he feels his cockhead brushing against your throat. When he feels himself growing weaker from your ministrations.

He shouldn't do this to you...not with his other dear friend on his mind.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck..." Satoru whispers, dropping his hand to your jaw, gently pulling you off him before he can blow his load prematurely.

He watches how the saliva glistens against his cock while it slips out of your mouth, leaving a tempting sheen on your lips too. He pants, taking in your dilated gaze up at him, mirroring his own lust—his own desperate need.

God, you're too perfect for your own good, which makes him feel even worse.

He keeps his eyes on yours for another moment while he composes himself, brushing his thumb against your lower lip. "That's a good girl...come on. Up you get."

Head spinning, Satoru helps you to your feet in an easy movement, hands on your hips again with his lips on yours.

He groans into the kiss, feeling that ache growing inside him while he melds his mouth with yours, eager in his movements. Returning the favor, his fingers dip beneath your waistband, inching closer to the heat eminating at the apex of your legs.

Your hushed moan brings him back to those days when the three of you were younger and dumber...far too willing to explore each other. Far too desperate to search outside of your tight-knit circle.

You and Suguru had been his firsts...at the same time, no less. And even if years had passed since then, he's still chasing those moments. Longing to feel those same heightened emotions and the payoff afterward.

When he feels the slick between your folds and how your hips stutter as a result of his touch, it only spurs him on. While he craves the velvet of Suguru's cock, he can't deny how uniquely different you and your pussy feel in comparison, and something about that excites him all the same.

After giving you several exploratory passes of his fingertips over your needy flesh, he slowly circles your clit, lightly teasing it with his thumb while he kisses you. He hums, murmuring against your lips eagerly, needing to hear your voice, "You want me too, don't you? You need me like I need you?"

With a shuddered breath, you nod, searching for his lips again. "Yes...I do. Please..."

The selfish part of him hears your reply in Suguru's voice, yet it makes him hum low in his chest. He nips at your bottom lip while he slips a finger inside, gently probing at your inviting warmth. "Good...that's what I wanted to hear..."

Like he's functioning on autopilot, navigating this encounter with his mind split between the past and the present, Satoru retracts his finger and undoes your bottoms before shuffling them down to your ankles and spinning you around.

Your palms land flat against the surface of your desk, sending a few papers to the floor. Breath catching, a shiver moves down your spine at the feeling of his hands gripping your ass.

"God damn..." Satoru nearly purs, placing his palm against your lower back to watch how you arch for him instinctively. He runs his hand along your ass, feeling the warm, plush flesh of it. "Always so perfect..."

At your needy whimper as you back up against him, Satoru can hardly take it anymore. He sucks in a breath and toys with the light-pink panties that hug your curves so cutely. His fingers dip beneath the damp fabric, slowly easing them to the side.

"Jesus christ..." he utters, seeing the shine of your arousal against your skin, all for him. It makes him feverish, already anticipating what's to come.

He's already losing his mind and he knows it. With your pretty pussy all laid out for him, begging to be filled, he can't help himself.

Taking his cock in his hand, he pumps himself twice, swallowing back a moan before guiding it to your heat. Lips parted, he watches eagerly as he slides his cockhead between your folds, slicking himself up. He shudders, moaning while he drinks in your whimpers.

Cursing under his breath again, unable to wait any longer, Satoru lines himself up and slowly pushes forward with one hand on your hip. "That's it, pretty girl...relax for me."

Your jaw goes slack and your breath catches in time with Satoru's the moment he slides in, sending an eruption of sensations through you.

Satoru on the other hand is hardly keeping it together while he enters you, shivering from the sheer ecstacy of it all. He trembles, placing both hands on your hips while he slowly sinks all the way in.

He savors every second of it, mind getting lost in the throes of his memories. With his eyes closed, he can't help but picture how Suguru used to clench around him...how he'd whimper and moan with every inch he'd take of Satoru's cock.

He was always so good for him...always so compliant and greedy for more of him. Always so tight.

"Oh, fuck..." Satoru hisses, brows lightly pinched together in concentration as he sinks all the way in, feeling the constriction of your inner walls. His fingers twitch against your hips while he tries to hold out.

When he withdraws his hips, you both groan in unison at the following push of his cock inside of you. Your arms shake as you hold yourself up, gripping the desk while he fucks you from behind.

Satoru's skin is hot all over while he pants, focusing narrowly on the way your pussy clamps around him and the steady rhythm he establishes.

"That's it...that's it," he mumbles breathlessly, gripping your hips harder while he moves faster, thrusting into you while he nudges your legs open further. "Take all of it, baby..."

The desk groans beneath the force of his desperate thrusts while he looks down at you with heavily-lidded eyes, watching every time his cock disappears within you.

For a moment, he can see Suguru in his grasp, muscled back arching while he takes every single backshot, tongue lapping against your pussy. He can hear the way Suguru would moan into your core, eyes rolling back and muffling his mindless begging against you.

He can see the way Suguru would quiver and shake for him, so lost in pleasure that nobody in the room could string together a coherent thought.

Satoru's breath quickens while he grits his teeth and fucks you harder, slamming his hips into your ass while he moans and whimpers like Suguru would. He finds himself both wanting to hear it and wanting to eminate it himself.

"Oh, god..." Satoru eventually mumbles, abdomen tight with the force of his thrusts. He can feel himself shaking...feel himself succumbing so completely to both the sensations surrounding him and the imagination he can't turn off.

Even if you try to hush your whines and moans, its impossible from how relentlessly he's pounding into you. Neither of you can even attempt to stay quiet despite the location.

Your fingers grip the desk while you moan, bent so completely over the desk for him as your eyes roll back.

"Fuck...you're so perfect...taking me so well, sweetheart," Satoru whispers, swallowing back a groan while bucking into you. His words are meant for you, but he knows deep down they're really for Suguru with his ass in the air, accepting every thrust with equal desperation.

The tighter you clench around him, the more he can feel the ghost of Suguru's body, and the closer he gets to losing it completely.

With his head tipped back, Satoru groans, fucking you as hard as he wants to fuck Suguru, needing to feel the next best thing...needing to chase down that high he longs for. Just like every breath, he needs it. He needs you, and he needs him.

Cheeks burning, Satoru drops his finger to your clit and traces rough circles against it, shading your body with his while he leans over you. "Be good for me...come for me. Let go and make a mess."

God, that was always his favourite part...the mess—the evidence.

He could never get enough of everyone's flushed skin, slick with fluid and marked up by lips and teeth. He loved the aftermath, able to see the blissed out looks on your faces.

He especially loved how Suguru would gaze at him with that dazed expression, looking like living sin with Satoru's load on his back or chest. He couldn't get enough...

Satoru trembles as he barely holds on, overwhelmed by the rush of sensations and how your walls squeeze around him while you cry out and grip the desk through your orgasm.

The flutter of your hot, abused pussy reminds him of Suguru's needy hole, and at once, he bursts.

Like he's been hit with a tidal wave, Satoru groans, gasping for breath as he stills against you and releases.

Eyes squeezed shut, he can feel himself spilling inside Suguru, keening and whimpering through the white-hot euphoria that consumes him. His fingers tighten against your hips while his heart both feels so whole and so broken at the same time.

His throat is tight with emotion as it constricts his airway while he slouches over you, breath fanning against your back while his palm against the desk keeps most of his weight off your spent body.

He still can't see...not while his thoughts are solely on Suguru. On the way he used to feel everytime he'd come for him. Every time his needs would be perfectly satisfied.

"I'm sorry..." Satoru whispers against the back of your neck, nearly choking for breath as the guilt and regret wraps around his throat. He sucks in a shattered breath. "I miss him...so fucking much..."

Heart beating in time with his, you swallow hard and gradually regain your own breath. "I know you do, Satoru..."

He lets go of a shaky exhale and gently wraps his arms around your midsection, holding you close to him. Even if he feels like a leech for taking and taking regardless of how guilty he feels, he can't help but find comfort in your skin against his all the same.

"I shouldn't do this to you...you deserve better," Satoru continues, lips brushing against your skin while he speaks. "I don't want to use you..."

You're well aware of what goes through his mind whenever you two meet up like this...its no secret. And while there's a faint sting that accompanies that knowledge, you can't blame him. You can't be mad at him. Not when you miss Suguru in the same way.

Carefully, you go to stand up, turning around on the desk when Satoru gently loosens his hold on you. Facing him now, you rest a hand against his waist while the other cradles his cheek.

You pull in a steadying breath as your heads press together, voice coming out just above a whisper. "It's okay, Satoru...I do the same thing."

Satoru's expression softens at your words, seemingly surprised by the prospect. "You do?"

There's a moment of mutual guilt between the two of you as you nod, but knowing it isn't one-sided, that heaviness slips away.

"I do...sometimes I imagine it's Suguru holding me, tasting me, taking me..." you admit, slowly caressing the remorse out of Satoru both with your touch and your words. "I try not to, but I can't help it. I miss him too."

Satoru's shoulders relax at that, and he lets go of a soft breath as he leans against you. He closes his eyes again for a moment before looking down at you. His fingers trace absent shapes against your hip bones.

"We're both a mess, aren't we?"

Despite the heaviness in the room, your lips pull faintly at the idea, and you nod against him. "Yeah...we are. But we're a mess together."

Even if there's a sort of selfishness in the way you two seek release in each other, there's no denying that bond either. You were the only two left in what had been your triad, and regardless of what that meant, it only seemed to make sense that you'd seek out that familiar comfort and release in one another.

Even if his longing for Suguru won't ever fully be sated, Satoru finds relief in your mutual understanding, and he leans into you further, soaking in what he can of your warmth and safety.

He doesn't know how he'll ever get over Suguru, but he knows that if anyone can truly understand how badly his body and mind ache for him, its you.

[faith-of-the-wheel]

Paxuson Part 1: Introduction and Comparison of Cognates

A god of bidirectionality, of liminanlity, paths, doorways, travelers, wealth, shepherds, animals, and fertility. His name means "protector" and his direct linguistic cognates are Pan and Pushan.

Pan, Lord of the Wilds

Pan is the god of the wild, shepherds and flocks, rustic music and impromptus, and companion of the nymphs. He is also recognized as the god of fields, groves, wooded glens, and often affiliated with sex; because of this, Pan is connected to fertility and the season of spring. His origin and source of worship was in Arcadia, an isolated mountainous region of the Peloponnese whose culture is . It is believed that Hermes was originally an epithet of Pan who split off early on and becomes a separate deity associated with boundaries, roads, travelers, merchants, thieves, athletes, shepherds, commerce, cunning, and messages.

Both Hermes and Pan have myths putting in them in relation to Apollon. Hermes is characterized as being nurtured by Apollon who acts as a sort of patron to the young god. Pan and Apollon had a famed music competition in the myth of Midas. Given that we have established Apollon as a cognate of Rudlos, lets keep this in mind.

Pushan by OverlySarcasticProductions

Pushan, The Far-Roaming Shepherd

God of meetings, marriages, journeys, roads, fertility, sheep, and cattle. He is called to stir sexual desire in the bride on her wedding day. He is often seen as a solar deity, although this is connected to his shepherd aspect pretty explicitly.

He was a psychopomp, conducting souls to the other world. He protects travelers from bandits and wild beasts, and protects men from being exploited by other men. He is a supportive guide, a "good" god, leading his adherents towards rich pastures and wealth. His chariot is pulled by goats.

While there are multiple versions of the tale, it is commonly said that Rudra knocks out Pushan's teeth at the Daksha yajna, although he doesn't seem to be the target of his rage.

Cernunnos, The Horned Lord

Cernunnos, A Gaulic deity, whose name is probably more accurately rendered as *Karnonos, meaning "Horned Lord". Through the Pillar of the Boatmen, the name "Cernunnos" has been used to identify the members of an iconographic cluster, consisting of depictions of an antlered god (often aged and with crossed legs) associated with torcs, ram-horned (or ram-headed) serpents, symbols of fertility, and wild beasts (especially deer).

Ceisiwr Serith has an excellent dissection of symbols and character in his Youtube video essay, Cernunnos: Looking Every Which Way. Cernunnos has been variously interpreted as a god of fertility, of the underworld, wealth and trade, and of bi-directionality. Cernunnos has been tentatively linked with Conall Cernach, a hero of medieval Irish mythology, and some later depictions of cross-legged and horned figures in medieval art.

Kurunta, The Deer Hunter

His name seems to be cognate with Hittite Kurunta. His sacred animal is the stag, although this was not exclusive to him. He is commonly depicted standing on a stag, and Hittite texts identify the god standing on the stag as the god of the countryside. In Yazilikaya, a tutelary god of nature (likely Kurunta as the god is accompanied by the antler sign) is depicted with only a crook. There are also parallels with Kurunta following behind a storm god, as seen in a sea of Mursili III and a relief from Aleppo. There are also depictions of Kurunta holding a bow and arrows, which outside of due to him being a tutelary god also connects him to hunting. The hunting aspect was also emphasized by Tudhaliya IV.

Pashupati, Shiva of the Animals

Over in India, particularly in the east, another cognate of Rudlos, The mighty Rudra, is widely known by his epithet and avatar, Pashupati, who may be related to Paxuson. The name means "Lord of the Animals". While he may be related to the pre-Indo-Aryan deity depicted on the eponymous Pashupati seal of the Indus Valley Civilization discovered in modern day Pakistan, I believe he may be a reflex, or at least influenced by, the PIE deity in question.

In the Atharvaveda, the fourth Veda and one of the later additions to Vedic literature, Rudra is described to be the lord of the bipeds and the quadrupeds, including creatures that inhabited the earth, woods, the waters, and the skies. His lordship over cattle and other beasts denoted both a benevolent and destructive role; he slew animals that incurred his wrath, but was also kind to those who propitiated him, blessing them with health and prosperity. He is also seen a tutelary deity, of the nation of Nepal in particular.

[chiqelatasblog]

CHAPTER SEVEN : UNEXPECTED BONDS

-> Ao3 link is here.

-> Chapter Six link is here.

Pairing : Sub Zero / Bi-Han x Reader

Summary : Your brother’s letter heightens your anxiety about the mission, reaffirming your loyalty to the Tengu. However, you’re also growing unexpectedly fond of Bi-Han and his clan, who offer you a sense of openness and acceptance. Caught between these two clans, you feel the pressure mounting from both sides.

Author’s Note : Hi guys, I’m a lawyer in my country and opened my own office after spending four years being part of another law firm. Recently, I’ve started receiving cases, which made me extremely happy. However, it’s also been quite stressful because now all the responsibility lies on me. As a result, I haven’t had much time to focus on this story. I apologize for the delay.

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.

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Seven years ago…

“I expected more from you on this mission,” your father’s voice resonated within his study, where you stood across from him. He remained seated behind his desk, his tone devoid of emotion, engrossed in the paperwork he hadn’t lifted his head from since your arrival.

“I apologize for the disappointment,” you responded in the same detached tone. Once again, your failure to meet expectations left your face expressionless, though inside, a storm brewed, betrayed only by the tight grip of your clenched fists. He didn’t bother to acknowledge you; it seemed you weren’t worth his attention.

“Your apologies hold no weight, daughter,” your father remarked, briefly glancing up from his papers. His furrowed brows and exasperated sigh only fueled your frustration. “If you sustain injuries on such a simple task, it’s evident you still have much to learn.”

“It doesn’t hurt,” you retorted dryly, the physical wound on your arm insignificant compared to the emotional wounds his words inflicted.

“I didn’t mention pain. As an assassin, you’re expected to endure,” his voice sent a shiver down your spine, but you held your ground, refusing to show weakness. You had silently vowed to yourself long ago not to falter before him, despite the constant struggle to meet his standards. “Did you dispatch the guards while acquiring the relics?”

Your heart skipped a beat; your hesitation to kill was well-known within the clan. Instead, you focused on incapacitating opponents swiftly, avoiding the irreversible act of taking a life. While others found it amusing, to you, it was a matter of principle. Even as you treated all life with reverence, the notion of ending a human life seemed unfathomable. Life was sacred, and you couldn’t bring yourself to extinguish it unless absolutely necessary.

“I asked you a question, (y/n),” your father’s voice broke through your thoughts, causing you to startle. Your heart raced, feeling as if it might leap out of your chest and into the void once more.

“No,” you responded, your heart sinking as you saw the dissatisfaction etched on your father’s face. This mission had been your first solo endeavor, a step away from the watchful eyes of others. Despite its difficulties, you had managed to complete it and return home, albeit with a wound on your arm. You had felt a sense of pride until you faced your father’s disapproval.

The pride you had felt crumbled in an instant upon seeing his disappointment. Your very existence seemed to be a source of frustration for him. You had hoped to prove yourself this time, only to fail once again, fueling your anger towards yourself.

“You may leave. Summon someone to clean the blood you’ve dripped on the floor. You’ve stained the Iranian carpet,” your father’s tone was dismissive. Tears welled in your eyes, clouding your vision, but you held them back, refusing to let them fall. “Yes, sir,” you murmured, offering a slight curtsy before quietly exiting the room.

You attempted to compose yourself, taking deep breaths as you hurried down the wooden-floored corridor. Despite your efforts, a tear escaped and trailed down your cheek. Hastily, you wiped it away with the back of your hand, fearing anyone might witness your vulnerability. You glanced at the wound on your arm, which had slipped your mind in your eagerness to report back to your father upon returning from the mission.

“Another foolish mistake,” you muttered to yourself, frustration bubbling within.

As you withdrew your hand, you stared blankly at the blood staining your fingers, wondering if there was any point in trying. It seemed futile to change your father's opinion of you, knowing that as long as his views remained unchanged, the opinions of others in the clan would follow suit.

Years ago, attempting to prove yourself to someone who had once ordered an assassin to end your life might have seemed absurd to outsiders, but this was the only home you knew. You had no other refuge. Despite the harsh conditions, leaving the clan wasn't an option; betrayal would only lead to your demise. Additionally, venturing beyond Tengu territory meant entering enemy territory controlled by the Lin Kuei, offering no alternative but uncertainty and danger. Without sufficient funds, survival outside the clan's boundaries would be an impossible challenge.

"Haven't managed to please our father again, have you?" your brother's voice interrupted your thoughts, prompting you to don your emotionless mask once more as you regarded him with distant eyes. He smirked, casting a glance at the wound on your arm. "Looks like you could use a few stitches."

"Do you have something to say?" you asked in a monotone voice. "I'm in a hurry."

"In a hurry, are you?" your brother scoffed, the smile fading from his face. "Quite the rush for someone who just returned from a mission."

"Unlike some, I don't have time to waste," you replied icily.

Your brother's demeanor shifted, his crossed arms and intense gaze looming over you. Despite his subtle approach, you felt the threat emanating from him, sending a shiver down your spine.

Your brother moved with the stealth of a snake, silent and cunning. He left no trace in the snow, always poised to strike with his words and undermine your defenses. Engaging with you was one of his preferred pastimes, particularly as you grew stronger with time. He took pleasure in pushing your boundaries and exploiting any weaknesses he could uncover.

“I suggest you pay attention when speaking to me, sister. The future grandmaster stands before you,” your brother’s voice dripped with superiority as he invaded your personal space, gripping your hair and forcing your head back, making eye contact impossible. “A mere word from my lips could determine your fate here.”

“I am well aware of that, brother,” you replied, keeping your voice smooth and composed despite the pain shooting through your injured arm as he grabbed it, causing a stifled moan to escape your lips.

“I’m warning you for the last time, (y/n). My threats are not idle,” he hissed, leaning in close to your ear. “Our father’s time is limited. When the new era dawns, invest wisely.”

With a slight retreat, he studied your expression, knowing he struck a nerve.

“Who knows, perhaps then your position here might improve.’’

16 Hours Ago…

After bidding goodnight to everyone at dinner, you retreated to your room, seeking respite from the day’s weariness.

As you closed the door behind you, a sense of foreboding gripped you, the hairs on the back of your neck prickling with unease. A faint rustle from the shadows alerted you to the presence of the crow lurking nearby. Silently, you turned the key in the lock, the soft click echoing in the stillness of the room, ensuring your privacy from prying eyes.

Emerging from the darkness, the crow approached you on noiseless wings, its black feathers blending seamlessly with the shadows. With a steady hand, you extended your palm, feeling the cool rush of air as the bird alighted gracefully, its beady eyes fixed on you, the letter clutched in its beak.

After thanking the crow with a gentle stroke of its non-reflective head, you made it vanish from sight. Sitting at the edge of your bed, your legs trembled with an icy fear threatening to overwhelm you.

With trembling fingers, you broke the seal of the letter, revealing your brother’s familiar handwriting. There were no words of affection; he went straight to the point, as he always did.

(Y/N),

The contents of your letter have left me deeply disappointed. What you gleaned from your interactions holds no significance for our clan; I explicitly instructed you to show courage. Your objective is to impress the grandmaster, not to forge friendships. Remember, you are his wife, and as a woman, you must fulfill the duties expected of you. Failing to do so casts serious doubts on your commitment to this mission.

Pull yourself together and reaffirm your purpose. This is not a mere game; seize this opportunity wisely and rise to meet our expectations. If you cannot identify the clan’s vulnerabilities, you must create them, sister. We do not play by the rules; remember, they are our enemies

Think about our deceased clan members, the countless lives lost, the blood spilled in pursuit of our goals, and the sacrifices endured. Consider what we have lost and the burden our father bore until his final days, succumbing to illness brought on by the weight of our legacy… You have the power to mend these wounds, to honor the memory of our ancestors, our fallen brethren, and, above all, to uphold our father’s spirit.

As long as our blood courses through your veins, you remain a Tengu. Do not delude yourself into thinking otherwise.

You were born a Tengu, and you will die a Tengu.

You stared at the letter for several moments, bracing yourself for such a reaction, yet the sting of its words still pierced your heart.

It was foolish to harbor such hopes, as if every lifeline you grasped at was destined to crumble to dust the moment your fingers closed around it. Retrieving the moon from the sky seemed an easier task compared to fulfilling your brother’s demands.

As you reread the final sentences, a bitter laugh escaped your lips, betraying the turmoil in your heart despite the facade of sarcasm. “A member of the clan… How far from the truth those words ring,” you muttered. What significance did they hold in the face of years of disregard?

Despite your efforts to forge ahead and leave the past behind, the pain of past injustices still lingered, resurfacing from time to time. You never sought solace in self-pity or allowed your character to stagnate; your mother’s unwavering support had been a beacon of strength throughout. You neither aspired to emulate your father’s stoicism nor your brother’s manipulative ways. Instead, you longed for a life of honesty, tranquility, and simplicity. The only route you believed would pave the way for such peace was acceptance within the clan.

With a heavy heart, you rose from your seat, steadying yourself against a momentary bout of dizziness. Making your way to the desk nestled in the corner of the room, you retrieved a long match used to light the scented candles. Igniting the letter, you watched as the flames consumed the paper, erasing any evidence of its existence. Meanwhile, with a wave of your hand, you created a small portal to ensure the remnants of the letter vanished without a trace.

Even though you lacked expertise in the art of seduction, you possessed enough insight to recognize that Bi-Han was not easily swayed. His demeanor, as cold as ice, left little room for manipulation. A sense of despair gripped your heart as you gazed up at the full moon emerging from behind the clouds.

While there was no explicit deadline for this mission, your brother's impatience, as conveyed in his letter, compelled you to act swiftly. Time was more limited than you had initially anticipated. Running trembling hands through your hair, you silently appealed to any celestial being who might be listening.

"I don't know what to do. Please show me the way," you whispered into the night, your voice carrying a hint of desperation.

Today…

As your eyes slowly fluttered open, slipping away from the embrace of sleep, you found yourself momentarily disoriented, struggling to place your surroundings. Gradually, the events of the previous night began to crystallize in your mind, causing a blush to creep across your cheeks. It seemed almost surreal to think that last night wasn’t merely a figment of your imagination; never had you imagined the Lin Kuei grandmaster to exude such calm and warmth, even if you lacked the courage to acknowledge it.

The last time you felt such tranquility was in the presence of your mother, her comforting presence serving as a sanctuary where your defenses could lower and your anxieties could subside. To experience a semblance of that serenity after so many years was unexpected, to say the least.

Seeking confirmation that last night wasn’t a dream, you reached out to the spot on the couch where Bi-Han had been seated, now conspicuously empty. The aged leather of the sofa bore the marks of years of use, its surface cracked in places. As your hand made contact, you were surprised to find the leather still warm, causing you to recoil as if scalded. Your gaze then drifted to the coffee table, where a copy of The Little Prince lay, its pages marked. A sense of wonder and warmth washed over you, permeating your entire being from within.

Since nightmares were a recurring part of your life, you had learned to cope with them, but the heightened stress of recent days had taken its toll, dragging your already strained system further downhill with each passing night, until it finally collapsed entirely last night. Despite managing to navigate through the day with intermittent bouts of sleep, the past week had been increasingly challenging. The lack of rest made it difficult to discern reality from the realm of dreams, and the lingering effects of your nightmares persisted long after waking.

It was mortifying for Bi-Han to witness you in such a vulnerable state, particularly since he was among those you least wanted to appear weak in front of. You braced yourself for mockery, humiliation, or dismissal, as was his usual response to such situations. However, his unexpected display of empathy caught you off guard, shocking you even more than your nightmares had.

It wasn’t difficult for you to grasp the significance of this room to Bi-Han; his mother’s library held sacred memories that he cherished, a place untouched by outsiders. As you peered into the room, the reverence he held for this space became palpable. Every corner seemed to whisper of his mother’s presence, each item a testament to her memory. It was understandable why he had been reluctant to share this intimate space with you, fearing that your presence might tarnish these precious memories. Despite your initial surprise at his change of heart, it caused significant cracks in the walls of prejudice you had built against Bi-Han.

Yet, it also validated the fear that had been gnawing at you. The realization that he might not be the man he appeared to be stirred a disquieting uncertainty within you. As a professional, you prided yourself on your ability to separate duty from emotion, but now, you found yourself grappling with hesitation.

Encountering warmth, understanding, and tolerance shouldn’t have affected you so profoundly. Yet, here you stood, in a room where you didn’t belong, enveloped by the scent of aged books, beneath a comforting blanket, confronting a dilemma you hadn’t anticipated.

If you weren’t bound to Bi-Han by marriage, the circumstances might have been different. Here, your abilities could earn you recognition and influence, if only temporarily. But would that be enough to truly belong? You doubted it. If your upbringing had taught you anything, it was that belonging was a privilege rarely afforded to those like you.

And so, you had chosen this mission, seeking a place to belong, tired of constantly questioning your worth. You craved appreciation for your efforts, yearned for safety and peace. Yet, even as you lay your head upon the pillow, the nightmares persisted, a relentless reminder of the struggles that defined your existence. Despite your resilience, you found yourself teetering on the brink of exhaustion, pushed to the limits of your endurance.

The moment you became a part of Lin Kuei, you anticipated that this boundary would be tested, but the crucible where you were challenged came from an unexpected direction. With each passing day, it grew increasingly difficult to view them as enemies, and the emotions you had suppressed began to surface, gradually lodging like a lump in your throat.

Since the day you first entered this world, you had been locked in a perpetual struggle, your feelings dulled and hardened by the passage of time. Or so you had believed. After all, could one truly forget the taste of something they hadn’t experienced in years? It was a cruel realization, especially to confront it in a place ingrained in your mind as the domain of enemy clans.

As your fingers clutched the blanket draped across your lap, your lower lip trembled under the weight of your emotions. The impact of even the slightest semblance of sympathy was profound, rendering you a pitiful figure, huddled on the sofa, knees drawn to your chest, arms wrapped tightly around yourself as if to contain the storm raging within. Despite representing a clan renowned for breeding impeccable assassins, you felt on the verge of crumbling at the slightest touch.

You didn’t want to entertain these emotions, didn’t believe you deserved the warmth and understanding extended to you, despite yearning for it deeply. You were a spy, after all—this facade would inevitably come to an end. You knew better than to get swept away by sentimentality, having prayed for this opportunity to manifest for years, wishing upon every shooting star that graced the unclouded night sky. You couldn’t afford to fail. You simply couldn’t.

Your heart is gripped by the anxiety that permeates your being; while your nightmares had been haunting, this mission proved to be worse than anything your subconscious could conjure. Despite yearning for this task with every fiber of your being, you found yourself unable to acclimate, unable to reconcile with this reality even after a month had passed. Though your brother had advised you to view them as mere pawns in your grand scheme, it grew increasingly challenging to maintain such detachment when confronted with their presence day in and day out. For the first time in years, you were not rendered invisible in the eyes of others; instead, they engaged with you, valuing your ideas and thoughts without reservation. How painful it was to meet the basic standards that should have been commonplace within your own clan.

“Ma’am, are you awake?” Startled by the click of the door, you drew a deep breath in an attempt to steady your racing heart, wiping the cold sweat from your forehead with the back of your hand as Frost’s silhouette materialized behind the door. “Ma’am, are you there?”

“Y-Yes.” You filled your lungs with the comforting scent of books, discreetly checking the corners of your eyes to ensure no tears had escaped, then hastily composing yourself without the aid of a mirror. “You may come in.”

Frost softly slid open the door, lingering at the threshold with an expression unlike her usual stern demeanor. Her blue eyes, as bright as the sky after a winter storm, held a hint of curiosity as she surveyed the room with careful consideration, as though seeing it for the first time. “So, this is how it looks,” you heard her mutter.

Your eyebrows raised in mild surprise; it seemed that this place had been off-limits not only to you but to others as well. While this revelation should not have affected you, you couldn’t suppress the faint smile that graced your lips, nor the gentle warmth that chased away the anxiety constricting your chest.

“The grandmaster said you could be here; I came to accompany you to your breakfast.”

“Oh, aren’t Wuhao and Zhiyu here?” you inquired, referring to your guards. Typically, after your morning meal, Frost would assume the role of guarding, standing a few paces away from you throughout the day until dinner.

“From now on, they will only keep watch at your door alternately at night, and I will accompany you during the day.”

You fell silent, taken aback by Bi-Han’s adherence to your request. You had wanted to conceal your powers and combat abilities until a critical moment, strategically following your brother’s advice that appearing weak and vulnerable would make it easier to approach Bi-Han. Men often perceived strength in women as a threat.

You had believed your brother’s words to be true until yesterday. However, in the time you had spent getting to know Bi-Han, you had observed that he was not easily impressed and seldom praised others without reason. His perfectionist nature placed immense pressure on everyone in the clan to act flawlessly.

Though you harbored confidence in yourself, you doubted your ability to sway Bi-Han, fearing disappointment more than anything else. Yet once again, Bi-Han defied your expectations. Amidst the turmoil of your nightmares, his invitation to spar felt like a lifeline thrown to you in the depths of despair.

During the bout, your focus sharpened, drowning out the chaos within. Every fiber of your being urged you to adhere to your brother’s plan, but in that moment, you craved something that would offer respite from the relentless tide of worry and fear. Each strike, each parry, was a fleeting escape from the suffocating weight of your worries, offering a brief respite in the dance of combat.

As the sparring unfolded, you couldn’t help but notice the subtle shift in Bi-Han’s demeanor. The rigid lines of his face softened, replaced by a hint of genuine enjoyment that sparkled in his eyes. It was a stark departure from his usual stoic facade, and the sight sent a thrill coursing through your veins, quickening the beat of your heart.

“Shall we go?” Frost’s voice broke the silence, jolting you from your reverie. With flushed cheeks, you hastily rose to your feet, tidying up the area before following her. Though communication between you and Frost had waned, even conversing with Bi-Han seemed easier than attempting to engage with her.

As you were going out into the main hall, you heard Frost’s voice coming from behind.

‘’I saw how you fought yesterday.’’ Her voice, which normally had a tone that could be called arrogant, was now hoarse and had a hesitation that showed that she was having difficulty saying these things. ‘’You have been very good.’’

You looked over your shoulder at Frost, surprised by her compliment. Instead of making eye contact with you, the woman turned her gaze to the paintings hanging on the walls, her unusual white hair gleaming in the morning light like freshly fallen snow.

‘’Thank you.’’ You said it in a sincere voice. “I didn’t expect everyone to watch, frankly, if I had noticed you earlier, I probably wouldn’t have put on the same performance.’’

Frost’s brow furrowed, puzzled by your statement.

“Why would our presence affect you?” she asked.

Though a simple question, it carried deeper significance for you. Since losing your mother, you hadn’t opened up to anyone, nor had anyone shown enough interest to inquire about your inner thoughts.

“It’s just… when I know people are watching, I feel exposed to their judgment,” you admitted, your gaze drifting to the serene view beyond the balcony. “I worry about what they might think—whether my stance is weak, if I’m making mistakes, or if I’m not good enough.”

A derisive laugh escaped Frost’s lips, accompanied by the crossing of her arms in a defensive posture.

“Anyone who thinks like that can shove their thoughts where the sun doesn’t shine,” she retorted, her tone defiant. “You held your own against the grandmaster longer than anyone expected, including me.”

"Really?" Despite the hint of hope in your voice, you chided yourself for seeking validation. Still, hearing such words from someone like Frost offered a glimmer of validation.

"Yes. No one here dishes out compliments lightly, even to the grandmaster's wife. So believe me when I say, every move you made in that fight was calculated and purposeful. And you managed to balance the difference in physical strength admirably. Few have ever brought the grandmaster to the ground like that."

As your gaze shifted from the garden back to Frost, her expression remained composed. You offered a small smile, feeling the warmth in your cheeks rise at her words.

“Since we are making some confessions, then I will confess something too. The first week I came here, I saw you training. The drill you did with the ice was incredible, I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

“Oh… Well, thank you,” Frost said, a bemused expression crossing her face as she was caught off guard by your compliment. “It was a move I learned from Master Bi-Han.”

With that, a tentative conversation blossomed between you. Despite lingering doubts and reservations, the icy barrier between you began to thaw, replaced by a neutral ground devoid of prejudice and hostility.

As you reached the corridor leading to the dining room, you spotted Bi-Han exiting the room, engaged in a hushed conversation with Cyrax. His gaze fell upon you, and as he made his way toward you, a peculiar flutter stirred in your chest.

Dressed impeccably in his clan attire, Bi-Han appeared flawless as ever. His muscular frame filled out the fabric snugly, and his jet-black hair, neatly tied back save for a few loose strands, framed his pale complexion. His movements were graceful, akin to the stealthy stride of a predator. It baffled you how someone of his stature could move with such silence.

“Good morning,” you greeted softly. As Frost and Cyrax stepped away, Bi-Han’s penetrating gaze lingered on you, seemingly analyzing every detail.

“Morning,” Bi-Han replied, his tone measured. “I hope you had a nightmare-free night.”

“Yes,” you responded, a small smile gracing your lips. Lowering your voice, you added, “Thank you for last night. You can’t even guess what it means to me. I haven’t had uninterrupted sleep like that in a long time.”

Your words seemed to elicit a response more counterproductive than you had anticipated. Bi-Han’s eyes narrowed with displeasure, forming thin lines, while his perfectly arched eyebrows furrowed in a manner that mirrored his expression. You rooted yourself to the spot, resisting the urge to fidget as you pondered where you had erred. It was too early in the day to wrestle with another concern.

“Now that you know its location, you’re free to use it as long as you refrain from causing any damage,” Bi-Han stated, his voice maintaining a calm tone that belied the tension in his expression. Surprised by his allowance, you blinked several times to ensure you had heard correctly.

“Does that mean I can visit again?” you asked, seeking confirmation.

“I believe we’re speaking the same language,” Bi-Han replied with a touch of mockery in his tone. This detail, which would have irked you initially, now felt oddly comforting. You had learned to discern when Bi-Han was genuinely serious, even when he employed humor or mockery. A smile tugged at your lips, growing more pronounced.

“Thank you, this is very precious to me. Have no doubt that I will approach with respect,” you assured him warmly, your smile widening to reveal your teeth. “Also, thank you for rethinking what I said about the guards yesterday and for coming to an assessment.”

“Consider it’s a trial period,” Bi-Han stated, his expression still rigid as his deep voice retained its composure. “If I find it unsatisfactory, it will revert to how it was before.’’

Despite his stern demeanor, the fact that he had reconsidered your suggestion was a significant improvement in your eyes.

“There used to be helpers in my clan who regularly went down to the city center one day a week,” you ventured after a brief silence. “Does the same thing apply here?”

“Yes, there are people who go shopping to meet the clan’s needs on certain days. Do you need something?”

“No, I have everything, thank you. I just need a little change of environment. I want to go with them for a few hours.”

Bi-Han’s expression soured, his eyebrows furrowing with clear displeasure at your request.

“You are my wife, and as such, we have many allies as well as enemies. The moment you step out of here, you become a target for those who wish to reach me. Besides, let’s not forget how quickly you were poisoned. We still don’t know who’s behind it. Do you want to risk a repeat?”

“I thought I proved myself to you,” you replied, a hint of anger and disappointment coloring your voice. “Stop seeing me as weak. I can take care of myself.”

Bi-Han snarled and took a step towards you, but you met his dark gaze head-on, refusing to back down or feel intimidated by his imposing looks.

“I don’t see you as weak or anything, I’m just stating the facts,” he clarified. ‘’Then are you planning to keep me confined here forever? I’m your wife, not your prisoner. If you think I’m going to spend the rest of my life hiding behind the walls of this temple, you’re mistaken.’’

As the truth of your words hung heavy in the air, you were reminded once again of the painful reality. Yes, your time here was limited, and you would eventually return to your clan.

But right now, you needed a change of scenery. Being confined within these walls only added to the pressure of the mission, and the rift between you and Bi-Han was another unsettling detail. It seemed increasingly unlikely that you would fulfill your brother’s hopes within the given time frame.

‘’When I was in my clan, I faced similar dangers because my father was the grandmaster. I was always a target due to my position. I understand the expectations, risks, and responsibilities that come with it. This isn’t the first time I’ve been in such a situation, and I won’t let fear dictate my life.”

‘’Are you telling me I’m a coward?’’ Han remarked coolly, his voice a restrained hiss. You continued your explanation in a voice that you hoped was polite, lifting your chin in a graceful manner that showed that you were not affected by the cold air that was starting to spread in the air. You didn’t want Bi-Han to feel more provoked by understanding the opposite of what you meant.

‘’No, I see you don’t trust me, that’s all. I wish you would trust me a little in this matter, as in your mother’s library. That’s all I’m asking of you.’’

Bi-Han’s fists tightened on both sides. While his expression became completely illegible, his body was alert and he looked big enough to make you feel small. After taking a smoky breath, his gaze softened vaguely, almost faintly enough to make you stumble.

‘’It’s not my intention to hold you in here either, but I can’t knowingly throw you in there with my own hands, knowing the dangers outside. I have to be careful, the future of my clan-‘’

‘’It comes first of all, I know.’’

Bi-Han took another step towards you, now you were close enough to touch each other. Judging by the clean smell rising from him, he had just been washed. Throughout your time here, you had never known Bi-Han to smell anything less than pristine or to exhibit any behavior that would cause you to avert your gaze. Instead, you were enveloped in his unique masculine fragrance, lingering even after hours of training. It was reminiscent of the crisp, refreshing scent that precedes a snowfall.

‘’You are a very snip-snap, I never thought I could like this feature in a person.’’ Said Bi-Han, he said it in a low voice, more like he was confessing it to himself. One hand went up as if to touch a few tufts of hair falling in front of your face, then realizing what he was doing, he pulled his hand back immediately.

Surprised at the disappointment you felt, but trying to hide your hot cheeks, you averted your gaze from him. The touch of him when you burned your hand during breakfast yesterday was etched on your skin.

As a cryomancer, someone famous for his ice powers, his touch was careful and gentle, while using his powers for a much different purpose this time, rather than taking lives. You liked the fact that he could approach you so differently when he wanted to, even though you avoided admitting it to yourself. More than enough. It was a strange feeling to be deprived of this even though he was so close now, leaving a faint ache in the pit of your stomach as you struggled to maintain your composure.

“Forget what I just said,” you interjected, unable to bear the awkward silence any longer. “My intention wasn’t to stir controversy or tension. I’ll join you for training after breakfast.”

You were about to walk past him when Bi-Han stopped you by grabbing you by the arm with a grip that you could call gentle. His touch was cold, between his fingers that felt like handcuffs, you felt more fragile than you’ve ever been. His controlled power was so apparent that it made you shudder to realize how easily he could inflict harm if he chose to.

“As Grandmaster, I must prioritize the protection of my clan, and you are a part of it,” Bi-Han explained, his breath forming tiny crystals in the air as he spoke. “While your request is reasonable, I cannot grant more than two hours.”

Listening to his response once again, warmth flooded your entire being, akin to basking under the summer sun. Instead of curtly dismissing your request, he made an effort, sincerely attempting to understand and accommodate your wishes. Unlike anyone in your clan, this man you’ve known for just a month consistently surprised you by his willingness to listen and understand.

After a long time, thanks to him, you had a peaceful sleep without nightmares. He granted you permission to use a room he held dear, considered your input about the guards, and reduced their number to a reasonable level. Words alone weren’t enough to express your gratitude; you needed him to understand your sincerity.

Your body surged with intense excitement, as if caught in a small electric current, urging you to do something you’d never done before. Your palms itched with anticipation, a rapidly rising energy overtaking you. Despite your usual controlled and calm nature, you struggled to hold yourself together.

‘’Two hours is quite enough, thank you.’’ Immediately after your words, you stood up on tiptoe and surprised both yourself and Bi-Han by planting a tiny, imperceptibly light kiss on his cold cheek. ‘’I promise to come before I turn into a pumpkin,’’ you added with a playful tone, a reference to Cinderella’s need to leave the ball before midnight in the fairy tale.

Bi-Han’s whole body stiffened, you hoped that he wouldn’t hurt you against your sudden movement, and because of your flaming face along with your brave move, you ran out of there without waiting to see Bi-Han’s reaction.

[menthol--crush]

Ok here we go. This here is Blaine Anderson's birth chart! I put his birthday down as April 14, 1992.

Overview:

Aries sun

Virgo moon

Pisces mercury

Aries Venus

Pisces mars

Virgo Jupiter

Aquarius Saturn

Capricorn Uranus

Capricorn Neptune

Scorpio Pluto

House 1 (Ascendant) in Cancer

House 2 in Leo

House 3 in Virgo

House 4 in Libra

House 5 in Scorpio

House 6 in Sagittarius

House 7 in Capricorn

House 8 in Aquarius

House 9 in Pisces

House 10 (Midheaven) in Aries

House 11 in Taurus

House 12 in Gemini

Sun in 10

Moon in 3

Mercury in 9

Venus in 10

Mars in 9

Jupiter in 3

Saturn in 8

Uranus in 6

Neptune in 7

Pluto in 5

Click through to read my interpretation of each of these. This post is VERY LONG.

Let's start with the planets. These are like facets of your self, how you are perceived and how you interact with the world. The signs they're in are like a lens through which you view that aspect of your life, and sometimes that lens is easy to see through, sometimes not.

The inner planets are, put simply, about the individual on a personal level. The further out you go, the slower a planet moves, and it's influence grows from personal to generational.

--- Sun in Aries ---

The sun in astrology is basically you in summary. If you were a novel, your sun sign would be the synopsis on the back.

Blaine is such an Aries, okay, like listen. I know Aries has a reputation for being a hothead, since it's a fire sign, but we DO see that tendency in Blaine! He gets snappy with Kurt in BIOTA and storms off. He gets in Karofsky's face and shoves him in NoN, and later snaps at Sandy Ryerson over the heckling. He famously gets in a little tussle with Sam about doing sexy dance moves and storms out. He gets so mad about Sam, and also Finn getting on his case, that he's next seen punching a punching bag.

Angry outbursts aren't all that Aries sun is known for, though. They're impulsive and naive, but also driven by passion. Aries is ruled by Mars, which is the planet of passion, strength, and temperament. Blaine is indeed passionate, driven, and very impulsive. When he has a crush on Jeremiah, he decides the best course of action is to not JUST serenade him, but to organize an entire flashmob set to When I Get You Alone at Jeremiah's workplace. A normal person would, at the very least, wait until Jeremiah had clocked out before singing a song about having sex with them as a romantic gesture.

The Gap Attack is THE classic example of Blaine being impulsive, but it does go beyond that. He kisses Rachel while playing spin the bottle and, based solely on this one drunken experience, after unequivocally identifying as gay for who knows how long, thinks he might be bi. No other bi moments, no other instances of being attracted to a girl, just a drunk kiss at a party.

But wait there's more! Blaine is a natural leader, like most Aries sun people; he is the lead singer of the Warblers, but when Kurt calls him out on hogging the spotlight he tries to change their set list. In New Directions, he doesn't try to overstep with Finn being the unofficially official male lead, but still tries to offer advice and bolster his teammates.

On the negative side, though, he's so focused on his immediate goals that he loses track of details. Aries is the first sign of the zodiac cycle and therefore doesn't have the 'experience' of other signs. Blaine is naive, and more concerned with immediate satisfaction instead of long-term planning. He tries to have sex with Kurt in the back of the station wagon, he tries to deal with his fear of failure and not getting into NYADA by saying he's always wanted to be a doctor. By doing that, he's trying to immediately stop the fear by saying he wants something, fully believing his own lie.

--- Moon in Virgo ---

The moon in astrology is your emotions, your intuition, your hidden self. Virgo is an earth sign and represents practicality, aesthetic, and a focus on detail.

Blaine is well known in the fandom for having some pretty emotional moments, even outbursts. I think these moments come from things not working out as Blaine planned, as a Virgo moon person would be the type to analyze a situation to mentally rehearse their emotional response.

As for his inner self, this placement tells me that he is a perfectionist when it comes to his own achievements, and he probably obsesses over details in things like performances. In fact, he does do this, after opening night of WSS, Kurt finds Blaine going over a dance step that he says he didn't get quite right. Other than being upset about what happened between him and Kurt earlier (the fight they had as they were leaving the gay bar), it tracks with this placement that Blaine would forgo celebrating opening night over perfecting a single dance step that likely no one else noticed he didn't hit exactly.

--- Mercury in Pisces ---

Mercury is your intellect, how your brain works, how you get along with others and how you make friends. It's your logic, how you communicate, how well you get along with technology and any profession that classically used roads (messengers, doctors, thieves, etc)

Having Mercury, the planet of intellect, in Pisces, the sign of dreamers, makes Blaine pretty susceptible to getting lost in daydreams and fantasies. We kind of see this with his infatuation with Jeremiah; he builds up the relationship in his head to a point that, after meeting with him twice for coffee, Blaine thinks it's high time to serenade him. It makes sense to Blaine, because he's imagined their whole life together ("if he and I got married, the Gap would give me a 50% discount.")

Pisces is also famously a very mild-mannered sign, and tends to temper any planet within it. He might be very intelligent, but isn't a show-off about it.

When communicating, Blaine might be more prone to using wild analogies. He might even be the type to start talking about something, space out while his mind runs at full speed but the conversation carries on at a normal pace, then jump back into conversation miles ahead of everyone else. So like, he is prone to overthinking.

--- Venus in Aries ---

HE JUST WANTS TO BE SPONTANEOUS AND FUN!!

As mentioned already, Aries is a fire sign. Venus is the planet of love, but also of aesthetics and beauty. Like Mars, Venus rules passion, but while Mars is more driving- force passion, Venus is the sexual passion.

For aesthetic, this placement is very bright colors, very LOOK AT ME! which tracks with Blaine's later-season fashion choices lol. Looking at his bedroom, I can see the Aries influence; though his walls are dark, they're not black like Santana (an obvious Scorpio) but a dark grey. He has some trophies on display, showing off his achievements, and of course his vintage cameras.

Blaine's obsession with vintage most likely comes more from his Mercury, like i would expect it to be a hobby instead of a purely aesthetic choice. He doesn't dress like that and talk like that and have old cameras and a boom box etc etc because he thinks it looks cool, it's because he's genuinely interested in it.

Anyway lol

Venus is actually in detriment in Aries. This means that the concepts and traits of Venus have a hard time being expressed through the lens of Aries. This would explain why Blaine doesn't really know what he wants in love, and seems to instead base his idea of romance on things that he sees in performances. Aries is brash and bold and a little unsteady, and Venus being love and softness clashes with that.

This also means that when Blaine loves, he loves HARD. Aries is all or nothing, and that's how Blaine is in relationships. He wants to give everything he is, and he expects the other person to give the same, which i think is part of why he and Kurt have the issues that they do. Kurt doesn't want to give himself fully and completely over to another person (i suspect he has Venus in Aquarius or Sagittarius) but Blaine needs that. If he can't get it, he feels the relationship is one-sided and unfair to him, that he's giving more than he's getting.

I would say the only other Venus signs more intense than Aries in a relationship would be Scorpio and maybe Taurus, but their intensity is different. Scorpio is intensity personified. Venus Scorpio wants to own you. Taurus Venus wants to spoil you rotten, they give 100%. Aries, being a detriment for Venus, would be intense in love because 1. Aries is a bonfire of a sign 2. Being in detriment causes conflict which fuels the Aries fire 3. Aries as a sign is used to being up front, and when any kind of miscommunication happens they might take it very personally. Miscommunication is likely to happen with Venus in detriment.

--- Mars in Pisces ---

Oh God here we fuckin go lol

Mars in Pisces is one of those things i see on a birth chart and say "oh so THAT'S why they're like that" 😅

Listen. Mars is the planet of action. As mentioned in the Venus section, Mars is also passion, though more of what drives you to act. It's also your temperament, what you fight for, and your ego.

Also mentioned above, Pisces is a very dreamy sign. Having Mars here makes someone much harder to anger, but when they do get mad, it's in a very passive-aggressive way.

This placement also indicates a desire to be in the arts in some capacity, to create things. On at least one occasion (and one that wasn't real so it being canon is debatable) Blaine wants to "make art and help people". This is so Martian Pisces it might as well be the slogan for this placement.

Blaine is not a fan of angry confrontation; you might think this contradicts a few moments, like when he confronts Karofsky or snaps at Sandy Ryerson. But just hold up a minute lemme explain.

With Karofsky, Blaine isn't looking for a fight. He's there for Kurt, not his own ego or anything. He's actually very kind and understanding to Karofsky, and Karofsky is the one that escalates that by shoving Blaine into the fence. And Blaine immediately folds, holding up his hands defensively and lowering his gaze, not saying anything further, completely backing down.

For the Sandy Ryerson moment, this is just Martian Pisces anger. They do get angry and fed up like anyone else; it's important to note that once again, it's in defense of someone else (namely, the ND kids who are being heckled).

The one moment I can think of where Blaine really blows up and gets truly angry is after he loses it when Sam says they should do more sexy moves; Finn later finds Blaine in the gym's weight room, hitting a punching bag, very angry. This is anger built up over several weeks of Finn giving him a hard time out of jealousy; Blaine blows up on Sam, likely not appreciating that Sam called his little spin move "totally boyband". So to work off that angry energy, Blaine turns to boxing. So he does have an outlet for his anger, meaning he knows how to deal with it and prefers to deal with it alone rather than take it out on someone else.

As soon as Finn comes clean and admits he's jealous, Blaine is no longer angry with him and is able to work with Finn completely. Pisces is a very friendly sign, and wants to get along as much as possible (second only to Libra in that regard). He doesn't want to stay angry, unlike other water signs (Scorpio and Cancer), who will hold on to a grudge until they feel they've gotten retribution (Scorpio) or you've learned your lesson (Cancer).

Of course, Mars is so much more than just being big mad. Blaine is a born performer, but not in a Rachel Berry way of needing perfection and adoration. Instead, Blaine loves performing because it allows him to express emotion (Cough Syrup, Fighter, Against All Odds; he actually outright says that he knows how to express things in song but not in actions) and be his truest self. Pisces is ruled by Neptune, the planet of dreams, creativity, illusion and escapism, just to give you an idea of this energy as its manifested by Mars.

Short version: Blaine is creative and non-confrontational, driven by his passion for performing, and just wants to get along with everyone.

---

Those are all the inner planets. The outer planets, which move much slower from our perspective, have a broader reach than just personal.

--- Jupiter in Virgo ---

Jupiter is the planet of expansion, growth, and luck. As mentioned with the moon sign, Virgo is an earth sign that likes order and detail.

Having this placement means that Blaine benefits most when doing work for others. This in combination with his Aries sun make him a good leader; he can take charge, but he also finds growth in service to others. We see this in how he integrates himself into ND, not by immediately trying to take on the role as leader (something that one might expect from an Aries sun, but his Mars greatly tempers his ambition so it's more internal) but by building up his teammates. He backs up Finn with his morale-boosting speeches and encourages Rory to take a solo, etc. He wants the team to succeed and knows that to do that, he needs to help those that need it.

This is also where Blaine finds personal growth. Again, he says he wants to "make art and help people." He is also detail-oriented and a hard worker.

Jupiter is in detriment in Virgo, which indicates that Blaine might not even WANT to be a leader, not completely, because he feels like it would too quickly go to his head. He might be afraid of having that much power, of having the expectation of carrying the entire team, and instead prefers to work as an equal member of a team.

--- Saturn in Aquarius ---

Saturn is the planet of responsibility, obligation, and discipline. Aquarius is all about individuality, independence, and humanitarianism.

Patrick Watson (patrickwatsonastrology.com) describes this placement as an anti-hero, especially when paired against Sun in Leo.

At first glance, this might not seem to fit with Blaine, but that's because we're looking at the concept on a more grand scale than is necessary. Translated to a teenager in a high school show choir, I think this is Blaine's dark side. This is where the idea to cheat on Kurt came from.

"Kurt is ignoring me, he must not love me anymore. I'm going to act out in a way that will get his attention so I can find out if he does love me." There's also Blaine's need for attention seen elsewhere in his chart, but I think his Saturn plays into it a fair bit. Blaine was attempting to take the situation (Kurt getting distant) entirely into his own hands (a very Aquarius thing to do) to have a sense of control.

And then, of course, he does own up to it immediately when Kurt presses him on it. He takes full responsibility of what he did, is fully transparent about it, but his motives for doing it are a little hard to convey.

It also comes up when he accidentally gives away ND's setlist to the Warblers, and how he attempts to fix it. He gave Sebastian the setlist not out of loyalty to the Warblers, but purely by accident (his Aries naivety) and he fully commits to fixing it by owning up to the mistake and challenging the Warblers for the right to perform Michael Jackson (Aquarius Saturn determination).

This placement also shows how determined Blaine is. This pairs pretty well with his Virgo Jupiter, and having a good work ethic probably comes very naturally to him.

--- Uranus in Capricorn ---

Uranus is known as the Great Awakener. This is progress, change, and rebellion. Blaine has his in Capricorn, the sign most associated with hard workers.

He really does have quite a few apparent opposites in his chart, which is interesting.

Anyway, this means that Blaine is innovative and hardworking and very ambitious. It also makes him a bit of a control freak.

--- Neptune in Capricorn ---

Neptune is the planet of illusions, dreams and inspiration. Capricorn is the sign of hard work. This is a generational planet; Neptune stays in a sign for over a decade.

This placement brings success in artistic endeavors, as well as questioning structure such as family and society.

--- Pluto in Scorpio ---

This is another generational planet, and is pretty much only good for looking at the generation itself since it's so far out and moves so slowly. Scorpio is the sign of destruction and rebirth, deep passion, secrecy, and intensity.

Pluto in Scorpio makes Blaine a millennial, though a late one. This generation experienced the destruction and rebirth of society, the economy, and technology. As a later millennial, Blaine would still be relatively safe from the collapsing economy in 2008 as he was still a minor at the time, but he would still see the impact of it.

On the brighter side, though, this also means he grew up with technological advances that opened up the entire world in a way never before seen, mostly the internet.

---

For the houses, I'll go into the Ascendant in some detail but give a brief description of the rest of them.

--- House 1/Ascendant: Cancer ---

Remember that book analogy i used with the sun sign? How your sun is the synopsis on the back? Well, your Ascendant is the first chapter. It's the hook. This is the first impression people have of you.

I put Blaine's ascendant in Cancer. He gives off very warm, caring energy, though with a sense of depth that can be off-putting to some. This is also Blaine swooping in to help Kurt, how he notices Kurt is upset after Teenage Dream and wants to alleviate whatever is bothering him.

He can also be very moody, giving in quite frequently to his emotions, or even just having a hard time hiding what he's really feeling.

This placement also means that Blaine's chart is ruled by the moon. His emotions guide his life, he has strong instincts and a desire to protect. When he gets dropped from NYADA, it's because his emotions took him over and he couldn't focus on his school work.

--- House 2: Leo ---

The second house is your material possessions and wealth.

Having any fire sign here can be good, but having Leo here means that Blaine would be best served finding a career that allows him freedom of expression, and plenty of opportunities to shine in the spotlight.

--- House 3: Virgo ---

The third house governs communication, learning, and immediate relationships, like cousins and siblings as well as how you relate to your immediate surroundings.

Having Virgo here indicates strong and clear communication, though also a tendency for perfectionism. In school, Blaine would be a meticulous note-taker with perfectly organized folders, and likely has very neat and legible handwriting.

--- House 4: Libra ---

The fourth house is the home and family.

Blaine would be the mediator at home, always wanting everyone to get along. Libra is the sign of justice, but also of people-pleasers. He goes along with his dad rebuilding a car with him because it keeps the peace.

--- House 5: Scorpio ---

OH BOY LMAO

The fifth house is romance, self-expression, and pleasure.

Scorpio is well known for being passionate and intense. This is where Blaine's clinginess comes from. Scorpio is a highly possessive sign, so in romance Blaine wants to know that whomever he is with has eyes only for him. Blaine wants to be wanted.

His self-expression is very deep and meaningful, and he might even have trouble fully expressing what he's feeling due to Scorpio being so secretive.

--- House 6: Sagittarius ---

The sixth house is the house of work, health, and routine.

This is where the Dalton Fight Club comes from, especially since Blaine kept boxing after coming to McKinley. Sagittarius is the sign of freedom, and Blaine would want to maintain his health and wellness with his own schedule and on his own terms.

As for routines, he would not particularly like a rigid routine, but instead prefer some flexibility.

--- House 7: Capricorn ---

The seventh house is commonly referred to the house of marriage and partnership.

Blaine wants stability in a relationship, and he has a strong desire for commitment.

--- House 8: Aquarius ---

The eighth house represents death, transformation, power, and sex.

Blaine is constantly looking for ways to improve as a person, reinventing himself to move forward. He also likes feeling united with others, which could be why he thrived at Dalton while a member of the Warblers, and had such a hard time at McKinley when he felt isolated.

--- House 9: Pisces ---

The ninth house is faith, travel, and philosophy.

Blaine might have a very nebulous relationship with religion and faith. This placement makes me think he would be agnostic.

--- House 10/Midheaven: Aries ---

The Midheaven is public image, achievements, and career. In the book analogy, this is the height of the plot.

Here is Blaine's natural confidence, especially when combined with his sun sign also being Aries. Having his sun AND MC in Aries makes him almost overly confident, very driven, and naive to a baffling degree.

This also can manifest as immaturity and naivety in career, since Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. We don't really see much of Blaine in his career, but we do see him in college, where he clings to Kurt (also influenced by his 5th house placement). I imagine that, while he is very driven and ambitious, getting kicked out of NYADA for failing grades really humbled him. Fear of failure is big with Aries, and he likely held on to such a big failure for a long time to keep from straying again.

--- House 11: Taurus ---

The eleventh house represents hopes and dreams, close friendships, collective goals, and financial success.

Blaine easily makes friends and brings a sense of stability to his relationships with friends. He is often the rock that Tina clings to in seasons 4 and 5, and he is happy to support Sam and build him back up when he's feeling low about his body image.

Blaine has a realistic vision for the future, likely looking forward to a nice domestic-bliss life.

--- House 12: Gemini ---

The twelfth house is intuition, the hidden self, and secrecy.

Blaine likely dwells on his past. He also needs occasional solitude for introspection. He also has an active imagination.

This might contribute to his difficulty in expressing himself as well.

---

Finally, the house placements of the planets!

Sun in 10: strong initiative, natural leader, confident. Naive, immature, impulsive

Moon in 3: intellectual, highly detail-oriented, perfectionist

Mercury in 9: studious, curious, loves connecting with people

Venus in 10: charming, loves his vintage aesthetic, overly concerned with appearance

Mars in 9: adventurous, can be prone to conflict when he encounters different viewpoints that clash with his (ie Sam and his stripper dance moves lol)

Jupiter in 3: easily acclimates to new environments, also his older brother likely would've been overprotective.

Saturn in 8: strong desire to conquer his fears, but also karmic lessons on trust.

Uranus in 6: innovative approach to daily life, career changes likely

Neptune in 7: idealism, deep emotional connection with his partners, heightened sensitivity in relationships.

Pluto in 5: "...might have a tendency to react intensely to small issues in their romantic life, creating dramatic scenes that can strain the relationship" taken directly from therhetoricofmagic.com bc IF THAT AIN'T BLAINE TO A T

---

So that's Blaine's birth chart! I did not go over aspects as this is long enough, and I also skipped the asteroids like Lilith and Chiron.

Basic overview:

Blaine is charming and ambitious, easy to get along with, kind of a lot to handle in a relationship, and prone to dramatics, naivety, and daydreaming. He has an eye for detail, and is very driven by his emotions. He is a natural leader, but prefers to lift up his teammates and work as equals rather than be above them in any capacity.

[summerwritesfics]

🌎The Night King

Pairing: Hanzo Hasashi/Bi-Han Length: 1119 Words Rating: Mature Warnings: Fantasy AU, Curses, Anger, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Child!Kuai Liang, Bi-Han is Referred to as The Night King for a lot of this lol

Meanwhile In Another Universe Masterlist

Notes: Technically more ice bros suffering, but this time with a BiHanzo flavour :3

Hanzo had a purpose when he first came here.

Kill the Night King, the tyrant who ruled this kingdom with an iron fist, and plunged it into eternal darkness. The surrounding kingdoms were not affected, but they had still begged for the king to be dealt with. Fear was a powerful emotion, and the kings of the area were terrified the Night King would turn his fury on them.

The first thing that had tipped Hanzo off that not everything was as it seemed, was when the actual inhabitants of the Kingdom seemed happy. They had grown used to the dark, and even defended their king's decision to do so. It had been easy to dismiss this as conditioning. They had grown so used to it they forgot what the light was truly like that.

It became a little less easy to dismiss when Hanzo stormed into the king’s throne room.

Because how the hell was he supposed to kill a man who was sitting with a small child on his knee?

The child wasn’t in any distress, in fact he was laughing and looking up at the king with large adoring eyes. And the king? He looked down at the child with the most tender expression Hanzo had ever seen. A son, maybe? Hanzo hadn’t heard that the Night King had a child, but then, the stories of his exploits were muddied at best.

The child’s eyes flicked over to Hanzo. As soon as he made eye contact, the child buried his head into the King’s shirt. The King’s eyes followed where the child had looked, and all he did was huff in frustration when he saw Hanzo standing before him.

“Let me guess, another poor fool who has been tasked with coming to kill me?” The King spat, putting his arm around the child and holding him close. “Allow me to save you the trouble. That measly weapon you possess can’t harm me, so unless you want to die, I would suggest you do not bother.”

Hanzo looked between the blade of his katana and the King. It could very well be a bluff, but then again, it would explain why no one had ever come close to killing the King. Besides, even if this was a bluff and it worked, he didn’t feel right subjecting the child to such violence. He took a deep breath, and returned his katana to its sheath.

The King raised an eyebrow as he added, “finally, someone with some sense walks into my throne room.” He looked down at the child. “It is regrettable how many I have had to kill. Thank you for not adding yourself to that tally.”

“The other kingdom’s are just scared,” Hanzo tried to defend, attempting not to flinch at the dirty look the King gave him. “They fear you will spread eternal darkness to them.”

The King closed his eyes and he grimaced, and then spat out, “I have no desire to spread darkness to anywhere else. If it weren’t essential for my survival, I would have no need for it at all.”

“Essential for your survival?” Hanzo questioned, as the King pushed himself to stand up, but kept the child in his arms. The child finally peaked his head back up, looking at Hanzo weirily.

“Do you know why I am known as the Night King? It is not just because I plunged this kingdom into darkness, you know?” The King slowly wandered over to Hanzo, he looked neutral as he walked over. “Let me put it like this, your katana can not harm me, but the sun definitely can.”

Hanzo blinked, glancing towards the window as suddenly he understood.

“The sun hurts you,” Hanzo summarised, “That’s why you summoned eternal darkness. That’s why your subjects do not mind.”

“I gave my subjects the choice to leave, and they have chosen to stay.” Such loyalty. Hanzo was impressed that the King could inspire such feelings. “They know this was not my doing. The curse that was placed upon us was placed for our parent’s sins.”

“Our parents?” Hanzo questioned, before his eyes landed on the child again. He blinked slowly. So not a son? “He’s your brother?” The King made an affirmative hum, and the child blinked slowly at him. “So. He can’t go in the sun either?”

“His weakness is not the sun. It is the heat that harms him.” He looked down and pressed his forehead against the child’s. “My curse was not enough. They had to curse a baby as well. A baby. He was only a few months old. How can he be considered accountable for the things our parents did?”

There was so much pain and anguish in the King's voice. The way his face warped as he looked at his brother. God, Hanzo felt his heart clench. This was not the situation he had been led to believe it was. This was no tyrant, bent on taking over the world. This was a man trying to do his best with his circumstances.

“What is your name?” Hanzo questioned, not wanting to call him the Night King any longer.

The King seemed surprised, like no one had asked him that in a long time. He blinked a few times, before he whispered “Bi-Han. My name is Bi-Han.” His eyes flicked down to his brother. “And this is Kuai Liang.”

“I am Hanzo.” He bowed before Bi-Han, the man’s brow raised. “And I apologize for my original purpose for coming here, I was not given the correct information.”

“No- It’s- All is forgiven.” Bi-Han looked at him like he didn’t entirely trust Hanzo’s change of heart. Yet at the same time, his posture loosened slightly, and he bounced Kuai in his arms. “Would you care for a drink? It has been a long time since we entertained guests.”

“I would love to,” Hanzo replied, trying to give a grateful smile and he felt a twinge in his chest when Bi-Han returned it. Kuai on the other hand, looked put off, his hands grabbing onto Bi-Han’s clothes tightly. Hanzo offered him a little smile, and asked, “If that is okay with you, Kuai Liang?”

The little boy looked surprised to have been addressed, glancing up at his brother for support. When all Bi-Han did was look down at him with a tilted head, Kuai seemed to realize he had to answer for him.

“Y-Yes,” he quietly replied, before going to bury his head back into his big brother's clothes.

“He’s a touch shy,” Bi-Han softly said, reaching up to pat Kuai on the head a few times. He turned back to Hanzo and said, “Now then, what tea is your favourite?”

[obi-wan-kxnxbi]

a definitive list of my favourite buddie fics.

This is ordered by rating (T-E) - just based on my ao3 history. If a fic is on here it's safe to say I loved it, so I'm not going to rate them or anything (rating fics is kind of an icky practice imo).

Links are added to the titles - these are all from ao3.

I've tried to keep to fics that are a little less known. If you have fics you want me to read send me an ask!

Remember to heed the tags, and leave a comment!

One Shots (part one).

never believe it's not so - rainbow_nerds | 6.4k | T+

Maddie Buckley never expected to enjoy hanging out with her little brother's best friend. She just didn't think they could have all that much in common. Turns out they've got more in common than she could have expected. And she can't tell Buck.

In which Maddie has magic. And so does Buck. And so does Eddie. And she can't tell either of them.

Or: 5 times Maddie has to listen to Buck and Eddie talk about each other without spilling their secrets, and one time they actually talk to each other.

They'd base movies off our lives but somehow they wouldn't suffice - creatures_that_don't_die | 3.1k | T+

When he convinces Eddie to watch Hotshots with him, Buck starts to notice some similarities between the two of them and Jones and Sanchez, characters from the show.

Good Luck Babe - jesuisici33 | 1k | T+

Buck nods. His own face still has that kicked puppy look. But he manages a smile. Even sad, Buck’s smiles light his face up. Eddie thinks he could never get tired of Buck’s smiles. “Why did you shave it off? I need a distraction. A happy one.”

“I’m working on no longer denying myself fruit juice.”

It’s Buck’s turn to open and close his mouth in confusion. “O…kay? I don’t know what that means.”

in love with every song you've ever heard - timeshareindestin | 19.2k | T+

Buck is fucking frozen. His mouth is dry, and his brain is blank except for oh no, oh fuck reverberating in his frontal lobe. He can’t answer. He feels the pressure against the metaphorical closet door, the hinges creaking against the weight of the boxes crashing down. “Are those… hearing aids?” He registers Eddie's voice through the ringing in his ears. It takes him a moment before he can finally whisper it out. He feels his head nod against his will. “Yeah.” The door gives out.

or: how a conversation about tardigrades results in buck grappling with a disability he's suppressed, getting hearing aids, and realizing that the family he craves has been there for him all along. in that order.

in red blue green - hammersmiths | 11.3K | T+

The commissioner signs off on a workplace documentary set in the 118 to better community attitudes towards the fire department.

Unfortunately, whatever is going on between Firefighters Buckley and Diaz is a much more interesting story.

perfect boys with their perfect lives - littlesnowpea | 3.9k | T+

Eddie storms into Frank’s office, sits in the chair across from him, and crosses his arms.

Frank waits.

“I’m not homophobic,” Eddie explains, and Frank raises an eyebrow. “I’m not! I love Hen and I love Karen and I have never been homophobic in my life.”

“So what’s the issue?”

“Buck is bi,” Eddie bites out. “And I don’t like it.”

There’s a long pause. Then:

“Okay,” Frank says. “Let’s unpack that.”

I Can See Clearly Now - inell | 4.8k | T+

During a simple call, Buck finds himself locked in a lab after a possible exposure with Eddie and the rest of his team on the other side of the glass doors.

To Be Loved Anyways - Bookwormo3o3 | 15.2k | T+

“Just don’t expect me to walk you down the aisle,” Phillip laughed, looking around like he expected the rest to agree.

And when no one did, glancing at one another in shock, confusion, and hurt on his behalf... it’d been the last straw:

“I wouldn’t ask you to,” Buck said, as if discussing something as inconsequential as the weather, “I’d ask Bobby.”

---

or Buck experiences the unconditional love of a parent for the first time in his life at a five year-old's birthday party.

chess inside my chest - detectivemeer | 4.3k | T+

Buck breathes with exacting calm, trying to imitate the deep, slow inhales of sleep. Eddie’s voice is so quiet and there’s a hint of tequila curling around Buck’s cheek and the hand on his hip has three fingers slipped below the hem of his shirt. Branding his skin. Keeping him. Please, god, keep him.

-

They go to El Paso to bring back Christopher. And oh my god there was only one bed.

r/Hotshots - does anyone recognise the nurses?? - lightyears | 1k | T+

r/Hotshots - does anyone recognise the nurses?? u/valentina999

Okay, I swear I'm not being insane about this. I just watched the mid-season finale of hotshots (Race Banner is alive!!! I'm so relieved!) and I had to do a double take when I saw those two nurses in the scene where Race wakes up. Not because they're gorgeous (they are), but I SWEAR I recognise them.

this christmas (i'm gonna risk it all) - bievanbuckleys | 27.8k | M

Here, in the safety of the snow-covered mountains, where they’re separate from their lives out there and all the complications and intricacies that come with them, he’ll find the words. He’ll hand Eddie his bleeding heart, let everything spill out of him, and if Eddie doesn’t want it? It can stay right here in the cold, and Buck can leave it behind and learn to go on without it.

or: it only takes one bed to finally address what neither of them have been willing to say out loud since that day in may.

IKEAn't Believe We're So Close Yet Sofa - znks | 7.4k | M

“Is Buck alright?” Christopher asked from the other end of the call.

Smiling, Eddie looked up to find Buck. Oh, shit. He was holding a clipboard.

“He’s all good. He’s great in situations like this.”

“You still need to make double-sure to take good care of him. If it gets too cold you can hug to keep each other warm. He always looks warm when you hug him.”

Eddie blinked, feeling his own cheeks heat when Buck happened to glance over with a crooked smile.”

Just your standard traditional typical snowed-in IKEA fic but in Los Angeles with some silly firefighters

the (martial) art of you - moonsharky | 16.2k | E

"I'll have you know; I can go all night long," Buck is saying with a wink.

And, well, that—Eddie doesn't even know what to think. His brain short-circuits, and he almost trips on his rope as he loses his footing for a second. Thankfully he's able to make a speedy recovery, Buck noticing the stumble but saying naught. Eddie wonders why Buck wouldn't use this as ammunition, but he's grateful anyway. He shakes his head at his friend, sighing. This is going to be a long night. Or morning, depending how you want to look at it.

OR

the one where buck and eddie fuck on the floor of an mma gym after hours

please, i've been on my knees - playinginthunderstorms | 11.6k | E

Nova must have moved his paws, because Eddie dropped his voice lower and made it even more firm than he had since Buck had arrived, and said, “Sit. Stay.”

There was a thunk as the shoe hit the floor.

“That’s a good boy, there we go.” As smooth as butter, Eddie’s tone changed to a slow, honeyed drawl, dripping with affection and praise. Nova panted in response, his tail thumping quicker. Swish, thump. Swish, thump. Swish, thump. Thumpthumpthump. “Good boy, Nova.”

And Buck started sweating.

[Or, Buck discovers he has a kink.]

Line - the_one_that_fell | 4.4k | E

Eddie and Buck cross a line in an El Paso motel.

i put a spell on you (because you're mine) - teenytinytomlinson | 11.2k | E

“I’ll go to the party with you.”

That was actually the last thing Buck had been expecting. If the look Hen and Chim share is anything to go by they weren’t either.

“It’s at a gay bar,” Buck blurts out before he can think better of it—think of a gentler way to explain that this might not be Eddie’s scene.

Eddie doesn’t seem the least bit phased, “Okay.”

It’s said in a way that makes Buck feel like he’s missing something here.

“Okay,” he repeats dumbly.

Because now that it’s an option he can’t stop thinking about it. A re-do of the bachelor party, dressed-up, drunk, and having fun with his favorite person. Maybe he should thank Tommy, actually?

or,

Tommy bails on Buck's Halloween plans, Eddie offers to take his place in the couples costume contest, and Buck goes home with a grand prize.

"What the fuck, make your move." - dylaesthetics | 4.5k | E

When Buck smashes their mouths together, Eddie forgets how to breathe.

Then, he isn’t all that interested in basic human necessities such as that. He thinks, at the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy of needs instead lie Kissing Buck, Making Buck moan, and Trying not to come in my briefs.

___

OR Eddie is Buck's last.

The Only Truth - phdmama | 6.4k | E

Eddie says, “I fucking hate you.”

At least, that’s what Eddie intends to say, because he means it, in that moment he absolutely means it, having just watched Buck rappel four stories down a burning building and hit the ground eight seconds ahead of the roof caving in.

What comes out instead is, “I fucking love you.”

Luckily, just as he had opened his mouth, the roof had, in fact, collapsed, which caused a lot of commotion and noise and whatnot, and Eddie’s words, his very strange and unintended words, get lost in the mayhem.

Huh, Eddie thinks as his body moves on autopilot, racing across the cracked asphalt of the parking lot. That was weird.

bad idea, right? - brewrosemilk | 6.7k | E

Buck: are you alone? Eddie: Alone in the livingroom, yeah. Buck: he’s asleep in his room, right? door closed? Eddie: I’m not actually about to jerk off to your mediocre sexting, Buck. Buck: this isn’t gonna work if you don’t go with me 🙄

Or: Buck stumbles across Eddie's grindr profile.

Pauses, then says "You're my best friend" - Maximoff_Wanda | 3.5k | E

Buck sighed. “He said that he was my first... but not my last.”

“Why can't it be both?”

“That’s what I said!” Buck paused. “I don't know, I thought we had a good thing going, but he said I would only break his heart... I guess he figured he should break mine first.”

“And did he?”

“What?”

Eddie’s eyes looked deep into Buck’s. “Did he break your heart? Was it his to break?”

AKA Buddie hooking up on Eddie's couch after the final scene of "Confessions"

DIAZ - mandolare | 2.9k | E

“You know, this name might be on both our uniforms some day,” Buck says, barely thinking, because, obviously it will. One day. But then his own words catch up with him and he freezes, staring unblinkingly at the grimy, really-needs-to-be-hosed-down side of the ladder truck.

Buck wears the wrong jacket.

no need to be brave - teaspoon | 4k | E

It should be weird, probably, that he’s let Buck take on this role in their lives. And it should be monumental, even earth-shattering, to realize that if anything, Eddie just wants more. He wants to put his mouth on Buck’s birthmark, on his easy grin, at the dip of his throat. He wants to drag Buck into his bed and keep him there.

Suddenly, the idea of not seeing Buck for two days makes him want to punch a wall. Again.

rodeo queen - okanus | 15.6k | E

“What’s the saying again? Save a horse…hm, y’know, I don't quite remember the rest of it.” Eddie can’t help the smile curving up the corner of his mouth. “You’re an asshole,” Buck says, scowling. The tips of his ears are pink. “Come on, Buck,” Eddie murmurs, something white-hot and hungry snaking through him at Buck’s faltering gaze, at the way Buck reaches up to tug at his suit collar. “Save a horse…I know you can do it.” “Ride a cowboy,” Buck says finally, his voice husky like Eddie’s never heard it before.

Or: The Cowboy Hat Fic.

bed chem - rangerdanger | 6.6k | E

A small electrical fire started at a store. A store that sold… novelty items. They sold sex toys. It was a sex shop.

“What, you don’t go to one of these once a week?” Eddie teased, looking over at Buck.

“Nah, I haven’t actually been to once since I was Buck 1.0, I think?” Buck brushed off the teasing and tried to think back. “I usually just get lube on Amazon. And I order my sex toys online too.”

Eddie nods, listening. “Yeah, I prefer the anonymity of the online stuff. I spent way too much time picking one out to go to the store and stand there looking at them.”

“You have a sex toy?”

Eddie, straight laced Eddie, Buck’s best friend Eddie, who couldn’t have sex because his girlfriend was a nun, has a sex toy?

Eddie barked a laugh before turning to Hen and Chimney who are still busy talking to the store employees, and Bobby, who’s talking to the owner who arrived after the fire started. Eddie talks low and quiet. “I have more than one sex toy.”

-

Or, the three times Buck and Eddie talked about sex before they (+1) had sex for the first time.

I'm going to split these into multiple parts because I read a lot of fic and don't want this to get too long. Either way, enjoy these! Don't forget to read the tags, and if you can leave a comment - do so!!!

[destiny-in-the-universe]

Akira Cunningham: 9th Grade Kitsune

Alriiighttt, my lovelies, I figured I might as well try and make a comeback to the fandom by once more talking about my beloved future au "Akira Cunningham: 9th Grade Kitsune" for RC9GN.

I'm going to break this down into different sections, so it's a little easier but first - I wanted to thank my RC9GN mutuals, followers, and anyone just seeing my content every now and again for supporting me. It's been a trying journey, and yes, I'm also the world's biggest loser for how much I vent - and well, with the amount of I dedicated sharing my posts. Thank you for everything, and what's left in store... well, it's going to be an adventure, isn't it?

To start, here's a brief synopsis of the plot; Akira Cunningham - Randy's daughter - is selected to be Norrisville's next hero, only this time she's not the Ninja. This time, Akira is the Kitsune... because something is brewing, and it's going to take everything by storm. As Randy has long since retired the mantle of the Ninja, everything lies on Akira. Where one evil ended, another began. For evil can never be vanquished forever.

Read below the cut for more information!

The Cunningham (Extended) Family

Akira Cunningham is biologically the daughter of Randy Cunningham and Theresa Fowler. The late couple had been planning this for a while, deciding they wanted to have a kid and well, Akira was born

However - the other known fact of the extended Cunningham family, Randy doesn't have just one partner. During his late high school years, he got together with Howard as Randy's (bi) awakening led him to realize he had a thing for men. What blossomed from that, well, you're about to find out

Randy had been crushing on both Howard and Theresa, having decided to date them but then there was Debbie Kang. I'll get into the full schematics of their relationship later: the point is Randy, Howard, Debbie, and Theresa are in a polyamorous relationship

Having Akira was a decision made by everyone, and one thing led to another and she came into existence. Like, surrogacy but I am not a doctor so don't quote me on this

The (now) retired members of the new Norisu 9 all stay in touch which make them honorary members of the family

At the beginning of the story, Akira is meant to be young for reasons I won't be able to disclose just yet. Though, in the present timeline - she will be in high school, much like her dad Randy had been in once. She gets her mantle

As for everyone's jobs, Randy is a martial arts instructor as he earned enough inheritance to get by, Howard is a lawyer, Debbie's an investigative journalist, and Theresa happens to be in competitive sports (still has to do with baton twirling because why not-).

Arc One

Since the Ninja is a retired mantle as Randy- I mean the Ninja, took down the Sorcerer and closed the gateway into the Nine Realms, well, things were looking up. At least... in the beginning. For almost thirty years, the barrier between realms remained closed - without much use - and while certain nonhuman populations had begun living in Norrisville, danger remained at an all-time low. Unexpectedly however, the gates reopened (and strangely, without much explanation) and the yokai district began to flood onto Norrisville. Not all were of the friendly sort, but people didn't seem too concerned... then again no one expected what came next.

No one considered the possibility of gangs running amok within the city; let alone the fact that certain yokai had formed the literal yakuza, but what were they supposed to do? No one had seen the Ninja in such a long time - it would be near impossible to fight back, but there had been another mantle - lying dormant in hidden sight: The Kitsune. Only a yokai could take on other yokai. A cunning trickster. A nine-tailed fox.

Akira Cunningham was chosen to wield it, but apart from the yakuza - apart from yokai rampantly existing on the streets - there had to be someone pulling the strings. Surely... they weren't just wandering around for the heck of it.

Akira Cunningham

Akira does deserve her own post, without the added lore thrown in but then again - she's every way her dad's daughter. She has a good heart, even if some part of her wants to feel something greater - bigger - than herself. Akira's high, rambunctious, and spunky attitude, it's hard to nail her down as someone who displays interest in good deeds. Do not let this fool you, as she's also known for rushing in to protect her friends; even if she's also a little spiteful.

She has Howard's short temper and sometimes becomes frustrated, but I won't be able to dive much into this to keep spoilers from spilling. Akira dreamed of being a heroine when she was young, pretending to be the Ninja - acting like a young, hyper child wanting to be like Superman though who ever would've thought it'd become real?

Though... the journey is not hers alone. There is much more happening, and she can't do it all by herself. And that, my dear readers, is where I end this. More to come soon!

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Somehow, Through the Storm

Summary:

Living in the slums of the Warehouse District, Kaz and Inej are struggling to cling on to life through a seemingly unending winter. Wrapped up in a stranger's overcomplicated marriage contract that he is convinced is key to solving the merciless weather, Kaz remains busy and distracted for days on end, putting everything else at risk. So when a storm ravages the city and sweeps Inej into danger, the offer of safety, food, and a place to stay is an overwhelming one - no matter the cost. Terrified of mounting threats, Inej signs a contract - not knowing she would land herself trapped at the Menagerie. Kaz signs a contract that states if he can walk all the way through the city and back to the Warehouse District with Inej behind him, never looking back at her, they will both go free. But this is the Barrel, the darkest part of the city where the rules of physics can change with the stroke of a pen; the journey back will not be the same as journey there…

This is a Hadestown-inspired reimagining of the tale of Orpheus and Eurydice, casting Kaz and Inej as our main characters and heavily featuring our beloved Crows, set in an alternate version of the Grishaverse with a different magic system based entirely on contracts.

Tags: @lunarthecorvus @marielaure @multi-fandom-bi @igotthisaccountunderduress @thelibraryofalexandriastillburns @devoted-people-hater @spraypaintstainonawhitewall

If anyone else would like to be added to the tag list let me know <3

Warnings for this chapter: abuse references, financial abuse, slavery references (similar to Kerch indenture contracts), implied violence, implied fear of violence and sa, ptsd, implied potentially forced marriage

AO3 link:

Chapter 12 - Kaz

“But when I saw you there against the sky - it’s like I’d known you all along. I knew you before we met, and I don’t even know you yet. All I know’s you’re someone I have always known,”

- All I’ve Ever Known, Hadestown

“Well?” asked Inej, as she slid in through the open window behind Kaz’s desk. 

She was exactly on time, of course. How could it be that, after so little time of knowing her, he already felt so easily used to her presence? How could he so comfortably believe that she would arrive exactly when she’d said she would? She had already become a reliable presence, as if she’d been there all along. Or as if something had been missing when she wasn’t. 

Kaz didn’t look up straight away; he tracked the shape of her footsteps across the boards behind him as he turned a page of the document stretched out before him and waited for her to round the desk. He couldn’t hear her, exactly, even when he was tuned in to her movements as closely as he was now, but he knew where she was. As she slipped slowly into view, her steps light as ever but her fist tightening, just slightly, on the strap of her bag as she peered over the table, she seemed to linger for a moment, stretching something out for as long as she so pleased, before she said:

“Is that it?”

She was looking at the contract laid open under Kaz’s gloved hands. 

“Any property owned by this Partner before marriage,” he read aloud, “and any property inherited or received as a gift during this marriage, is hereby defined as the singular property of the spouse, relinquished freely and under the will of Ghezen by this Partner,”

Inej crinkled her nose. 

“Yes,” he said, dropping the page and finally allowing himself to look up at her, “This is very much it. And that is quite possibly the least offensive sentence I’ve read so far,” 

Kaz was not making an overstatement. 

It had barely been ten minutes since Wylan left the store rooms upstairs at Lexi’s that Kaz generously thought of as an office. He hadn’t stayed for long. There hadn’t yet been much time at all to read through the document, and the writing had been made as overcomplicated as possible in most areas as though to delay the reader for as long as possible, yet Kaz had still already found far worse sentences than that one. It would be a complex web to untangle from the writing alone, and everywhere so far that he thought he’d found the tiniest oversight, the slightest loose thread to start pulling, the single crack from which to start tearing down the wall, it would take only moments for him to be blockaded once again. 

He had thought, when he first glanced over the sentence he read to Inej, that there was one thing Marya Van Eck could do to acquire property her husband would not subsequently own: there was no mention of purchase under separate funds. Many marriage contracts stated that property acquired under separate funds would either be the shared property of the couple or the singular property of the buyer, that was always the sort of thing the Kerch had very clear ideas about to take into their marriages, and Kaz was familiar enough with the language of contracts to notice it being missing. But he found it didn’t matter: Marya Van Eck had no separate funds. By the contract, all of her money, any money she inherited, and any money she was gifted, belonged to Jan Van Eck. Kaz had wondered if she could earn her own money but the contract covered that as well - she was legally barred from entering, or perhaps re-entering though Kaz doubted it, any form of workforce. And this one was complicated, he would need to study it for longer, because it seemed that this clause would never be terminated in any situation, but so far he had found no information as to what might happen if Marya was widowed. If there was no support set up, and if she could not work even in the event of Van Eck’s death, what was she supposed to do with no income and, at least as far as she knew, no child to support her? Kaz didn’t even know how a contract could enforce that, but if a Grisha had written it… nature would find a way of stopping her. He’d once seen a girl contracted to a house in the Zelvar District try to step over the border she was confined by. It had not been pretty. 

“Surely that’s not legal?” asked Inej, pulling out a chair opposite him. 

The sun had not long since peaked its midday arc through a mist of pale grey cloud, which was hanging low over the city and harbouring with it the ever present threat of rain. The frost had lessened, just slightly, today, but the colour was still high in Inej’s cheeks since stepping in from the cold. Her jacket was pulled tight over her shoulders, or as tight as it could be with the ill-fitting nature of its neckline, and Kaz found his eyes drifting over her hair - two plaits, tucked inside a thin scarf, as though having them low around her neck, instead of in their usual tight coil, might add an extra layer of warmth over her skin. The scarf was new. Well judging by the fraying fabric it had been bought second hand, but it was new either to Inej’s possession or Kaz’s sight. Dark purple, a flighty sort of material wind wound her multiple times, half caught in her collar, a loose front edge that wasn’t quite long enough to turn again tucked into her buttoned-up jacket. For an entirely strange moment, he thought she looked like she belonged in the University District; she ought to be bumping shoulders with laughing friends, all variously either under or overdressed for the weather as students always seemed to be, inhaling the steam of tea in paper cups clutched between mittened fingers as they walked together between the wide, clean streets towards a library or lecture hall. He forced his eyes to the window. 

The frost was sure to return with full force again in no time. If it got much colder the rain might even turn to hail - and then wouldn’t Kaz have a problem? It would be sure to incur further damages to his roof. 

“Technically,” he said, concentration returning to the page, “There are laws in place to protect property and income of both spouses only in the event that their marriage contract does not specify otherwise. From a legal perspective, she consented to hand the entire Hendriks’ family fortune to him,”

Freely and under the will of Ghezen. There was a knot forming in Kaz's stomach.

“Of course, marriage contracts aren’t usually drafted by Grisha. I couldn’t tell you if that in and of itself is illegal, but a good amount of the clauses in here are,”

“But then how-?”

Kaz had released a short, humourless laugh before Inej had even finished her question. For a while, she fell silent. 

…any property inherited or received as a gift during this marriage, is hereby defined as the singular property of the spouse, relinquished freely and under the will of Ghezen by this Partner, Kaz reread, The Partners ___M.H.___ and ___J.V.___ hereby agree to the above terms, naming ___M.H.___ as the Partner in question and ___J.V.___ as the aforementioned spouse, and that they agree that the Ghemens Bank is authorised to make final decisions on all property disputes brought before the court. 

The detail about the Ghemens Bank was standard for all property-based or monetary disputes within marriages - clearly, he thought, they had used a more traditional marriage contract for the framework. Everything down to the repeated initials, handwritten repeatedly through the entire document by Marya and Jan themselves, looked like it ought to be normal. What was decidedly less traditional, however, was the sentence immediately following: 

The Partner ___M.H.___ hereby freely and under the will of Ghezen waives their right to bring any dispute of this nature to court. The Partner acknowledges their decision to sign this contract of their own free will and agrees that they understand any property dispute shall be settled according to the clauses outlined above whether in or out of court. Failures to comply with agreed upon clauses are outlined in Clause 10.7. 

Kaz felt something inside him clench, just slightly, and he twisted his fingers inside his gloves as he involuntarily found himself studying the neat ink of Marya’s initials, over and over again until they began to morph into different letters. M.H. M. H. M. H. M. H. J. R. J. R.

He wasn’t even sure how long he’d just been sitting there, staring blankly through the page, by the time he finally forced his eyes away. 

“Are you staying at the Slat tonight?”

Inej had pulled her feet up onto the chair with her, so her boots stuck out from beneath her folded legs, and her hands were partly hidden where she’d pulled the long edge of her scarf out of her jacket and began to fidget with it. Kaz was pretty sure that she’d been just as far from the room as he had been, but when he spoke she seemed to land with a crash. She tilted her face towards his and held his gaze for a tiny, lingering moment before she spoke. 

“I need to talk to you about that,” she said, slowly, as though the words were rehearsed and she was making sure she remembered them correctly, “I don’t… It can’t be the best arrangement for you,”

Kaz shrugged. 

“I work most nights,”

“You work every day as well, Kaz,” her voice was soft, “Are you telling me you never sleep?”

Truth be told, Kaz slept as rarely as he could permit himself to do so. But that was not a thought, let alone a conversation, that he wanted to open any time soon, so he only gave her a short nod of concession. 

“It isn’t sustainable for either of us to carry on like that,”

“What are you suggesting?” he asked. 

“A deal. Take whatever you think is enough for the room out of what you’re paying me. I can’t be found there, I know, so you can add extra for the risk if you want to. I’ll rig something up to sleep in that can be dismantled quickly, and I’ll put it up near your desk so I’m not invading your room. If you really don’t mind it, that’s more than enough for me - and temporarily, of course, until I find somewhere else to stay,”

Kaz wanted to tell her that it wasn’t necessary - not all of it, anyway. But he had seen the creeping, frightened energy fizzling at her edges whenever she tried to approach anything adjacent to this subject over the past few days. Hell, she’d given him a harder hit to the palm than he reckoned she’d even realised when he accidentally took her by surprise near the market. 

“For as long as you need it,” he nodded, then held out his gloved hand out across the desk, “The deal is the deal,”

“The deal is the deal,”

They shook. 

*

“How’s this?” asked Inej, turning from her work to face Kaz. 

She was standing next to the larger window in the attic room of the Slat, and an unusually beautiful sunset was leaking through the panes to drench her skin in gold. Kaz felt the breath catch at the back of his throat as he looked up, and silently dug his teeth into the hidden flesh of his lip. 

“Fine,” he said, “So long as it’s comfortable,”

It had been two days since he and Inej struck their deal to share the attic, and Inej had spent the past twenty minutes rigging a hammock between the edge of the partition wall and window frame. She’d put the nails up yesterday, after Kaz managed to syphon a few off Anika, as well as borrowing a hammer from her, and this evening the job was finally done. Kaz watched as she planted her hands onto the fabric and hopped into its cradle, annoyed at how nervous he felt but still letting his gaze flick to the makeshift hooks to make sure they were remaining secure under her weight. By the time he looked back again Inej had already flopped onto her back, one arm stretched above her head, and pushed her foot against the wall to make the hammock swing gently from side to side. 

“It’s definitely not in the way?” 

“No,”

“And when I take it down-”

“Just pull the ropes out and lay it on the bed like it’s a blanket. He won’t look too hard,”

Inej rolled onto her stomach and then pressed her hands deep into the fabric so she could push her head up above the edge. A few hairs had come loose from her braid and were now ever so slightly frazzled by their contact with the fabric; just enough that a couple had raised upwards and were now shimmering in the lowering rays of sunlight. 

“This is cosier than you might think, you know,” she smiled, then peered at the boards below her and added with a laugh: “Now I just have to figure out how to get down again,”

Kaz had never heard her laugh before. 

The rest of the evening seemed to fade before him, and only when he heard Inej stifling a yawn did he realise that the sun had long since set and the city was well and truly buried into the darkest depths of night. He left her to prepare for sleep and took the opportunity to return Anika’s hammer, then knocked on the door and waited until it cautiously creaked open. 

“We need a way for me to know that it’s you,” Inej murmured, as she pushed the door closed again and pressed her back up against it, “It would be a pretty inconvenient way to get caught if I just opened the door,” 

She made a good point. They settled, until they could come up with a more secure plan, on Kaz always knocking three times. And that was it, really. The first night. It was strangely easy. 

“I can go out a while,” Inej said, a week later when Kaz was working after the sun had set, “If I’m distracting you,” 

She was sitting cross-legged on her hammock, swaying ever so slightly back and forth, her hands folded into her lap. Kaz had found, though admittedly it was somewhat unexpected, that he didn’t find it distracting at all to have Inej in the room whilst he worked. Or while he did anything, really. Her presence was almost comforting, a routine so easily slipped into that he didn’t even have a chance to question it, and he was now forced to confront what had become fact: he wanted her to be there. 

“You aren’t,” was all he managed to say. 

Inej peeked over the edge of the hammock with an almost playful smile. 

“Is that your way of saying you like me?” she asked, and before he even had a chance to register the words - let alone formulate a reply - she clicked her tongue and tutted as she rolled over, “Don’t go getting attached, Kaz,” she yawned softly, “I’ll be gone by spring,”

Kaz smiled, glancing at the back of her head from the corner of his eyes as she settled on her side. It was only hours later, when he was finally setting down his quill and preparing to blow out his candle, that he realised Inej had fallen asleep, for the first time, whilst Kaz was still in the room with her. 

Time marched on, as it always did. Winter remained as impenetrable as ever, and Kaz’s work on trying to understand the Van Eck contract remained as fruitless as the barren trees standing gnarled and lonely along the edge of the canal. Rain came and went, often enough for him and Inej to patch leaks in the roof of the Slat side by side, but no hail fell. 

“I have something for you,” Kaz had said, two weeks after Inej had moved properly into the Slat, when he returned home one night. 

Inej looked up, questions in her eyes. 

“It’s for work,” he added, without changing his tone, “I said I’d teach you to fight,”

“You said I’d need to know how to,”

Kaz nodded.

“You will,”

He’d been keeping her out of jobs that might run her in close proximity to any of the other roughed up crews in the Warehouse District, but he needed information and he couldn’t sideline her forever. 

“Brass knuckles,” he said, “as useful as they are, aren’t going to cut it. I need information about a gang that own one of the gambling dens on the edge of the District; if anyone sees you-”

“They won’t,”

“Humour me?”

Inej nodded. Kaz slipped a hand into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small, biting blade. It was nothing particularly special, he supposed, but he’d bought it new from a smiths on the other side of town and it sat snug and neat in its perfect black leather sheath, metal shining and ready to bear its teeth when you pulled it free. Inej lifted it slowly from the leather, testing the weight of it in each hand, and then suddenly thrust her arm forwards to make a slash through the air. It was a surprisingly well controlled motion. Inej looked up at Kaz and smiled. 

At first, he had Jesper actually teaching her. They would meet during the day, outdoors, and each evening when Inej returned she would tell Kaz what they’d worked on. He couldn’t have ever explained why, one night, he was able to show her where she’d slipped up, just slightly, in her form and show her how to hold it better. He didn’t even know that it would happen, until the words had left his mouth. And he definitely didn’t know what had happened in between then and now for them to end up standing opposite each other in the widest piece of space the attic could provide them, hands raised. But fighting, even like this, was easier than real touch. Kaz knew exactly what would happen, could track all of it with little thought, had time to prepare himself and anticipate the motions. And then they were doing it every night. Time that Kaz had spent losing his mind as he poured over the Van Eck contract was now filled with training, routine, rhythmic, almost wordless sometimes. As days and then weeks began to creep by, training and talking became interchangeable. Kaz heard Inej laugh again, and again and again and again. She told him that she’d named the knife he bought her after Sankt Petyr and he rolled his eyes; there was something almost satisfying about the little furrow that formed between her brows at that. Talking, training, debating, easy silence. All of it was routine. All of it was safe. 

Every morning Inej would stretch before she took down the hammock and bundled the ropes into her satchel. Every evening, and most days, they split for whatever they were working on - Kaz would pass his time arranging jobs, sorting Haskell’s runners and adding in a little of his own products out of sight; Inej would collect her secrets, run jobs with the Slat’s other residents. Every night she would debrief him, and they would talk or train or both or neither, sometimes for hours on end.

And every night before she went to bed she reminded him, smiling: 

“Don’t expect to see me tomorrow. I’ll be gone by spring,”

But every morning she was there, curled on her side, her braid lying about her or drooping over the edge of the hammock and swinging lightly in the still, early air. Kaz didn’t know why but one morning, after over two months had inexplicably passed by, he paused, just for a moment, and watched her. He tried not to be here when she woke up, to give her as much privacy as walls as tight as these could allow either of them, but now he stood and watched her oil black lashes fluttering lightly against her cheeks, the slight rise and fall of her shoulders with every breath. She sighed softly and nestled herself deeper into the thin fabric, and Kaz suddenly found himself resisting the need to lift the edge of her blanket higher so it would properly cover her shoulders. He needed to give himself a firm shake. 

That night, when Inej slipped off her perch on the windowsill and told him not to expect to see her again because she’d be gone by spring, he found the words I’ll miss you trying to force their way past his lips. He swallowed them, and instead what tumbled out became: 

“Be sure to write,”

Inej released a soft laugh, glancing back over her shoulder. 

“Are you hiding a secret proficiency for Ravkan from me, Kaz? You know I can’t write in Kerch,” 

He didn’t know what possessed him to say it, but he said it anyway: 

“Maybe we should change that,”

Inej sat on top of the desk. Kaz didn’t know why she insisted on doing so, possibly putting the questionable integrity of the haphazardly makeshift table at risk when he had a perfectly good chair to offer her, but he was not going to complain. He wrote out the alphabet slowly, repeating each sound and giving Inej the pen to write out each letter phonetically for herself in Ravkan - or maybe Suli? He didn’t really know what the letters for either looked like. The wind creaked through the gaps of the draughty old house and the candle on the desk died; in the unexpected darkness Kaz and Inej both fumbled across the desk to find a matchbox and their hands met against the table. Kaz froze. 

His hand was beneath Inej’s. It was trapped, pinned in place, even with the barrier of leather between them it was soaking wet and it would not answer any command to move. He felt his breath catching in his throat, his chest so tight that it may have been caving in on itself. 

“Kaz?” 

Inej had already pulled her hand away. It had barely been for a moment. There was no pressure, no weight, no feeling of skin pressing against skin. But Kaz felt like he was burning. Or like he was drowning. 

There was a brief shuffling sound and then Inej was holding a lit match up between their faces, the orange flickering across her cheeks and reflecting in her eyes, bouncing through her hair, casting thick shadows of her lashes. 

“Kaz, are you alright?” 

The fire danced over her features. She was burning. She was a body on the Reaper’s Barge and she was burning. 

Kaz stumbled to his feet, shoving his chair backwards without intent or direction. He couldn't be here anymore. He couldn’t - he couldn’t - 

Kaz marched out of the room, the door swinging firmly shut in his wake, Inej’s eyes boring straight through his back to find something dark and wretched hidden deep within his soul. 

[bidotorg]

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Today, we celebrate the birthdays of Kristen Stewart, Cynthia Nixon, and Lil Nas X – three phenomenal talents who have not only achieved remarkable success in their fields but have also fearlessly embraced their bisexuality.

Kristen Stewart, with her captivating performances on screen, has mesmerized audiences worldwide. From her breakout role in "Twilight" to her diverse range of characters in independent cinema, she has proven her talent knows no bounds. 🧛‍♀️

Cynthia Nixon, a powerhouse in both stage and screen, has left an indelible mark on the world of entertainment. Known for her iconic portrayal of Miranda Hobbes in "Sex and the City", Nixon's talent extends far beyond the realm of acting. As a proud bi woman, she has fearlessly championed LGBT rights and has become a prominent voice in the fight for equality. 👠

And then there's Lil Nas X, a trailblazing artist who has taken the music industry by storm with his groundbreaking hits and unapologetic self-expression. From the chart-topping success of "Old Town Road" to the bold statements made in his music videos and performances, Lil Nas X has become an icon for LGBT people everywhere. 😈

Let's raise a glass to these extraordinary individuals for their talent, bravery, and steadfast dedication to authenticity. Happy Birthday, Kristen, Cynthia, and Lil Nas X! May your brilliance illuminate the world for many more years to come. 🌟🎂🌈

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

IPKKND ft. Jalebi

Warning: In this Jalebi edition I will write a slight canon divergence for me based on existing material 😊 it’s not a diss to the original! It’s just little/big changes (taking reality into consideration) - a what if based on what we HAVE. Hope you enjoy

#2 The Reveal

Original

Khushi, after watching Arnav suddenly be kind to her and watching a news bulletin that talks about a man marrying another so as to his astrological ill fate falls on the new wife instead of the one he intends to love and marry, assumes an atheist Arnav would precisely do the same - hence why he married her.

To marry his true love Lavanya and have his birth chart misfortune befall Khushi instead. Thus Arnav is planning to kill her and Khushi decides to kill herself before he does it first. And this is all played for “silly” comedy.

Arnav saves her from killing herself and tells her the truth. Khushi later pretends nothing happened and chirps around until Arnav confronts her again and she gets angry on him and he disbelieves her story.

Jalebi edition:

Post Holi Arnav and Khushi are very raw and vulnerable. Khushi understands the tension between Shyam and Arnav and is very restless about it. Why would Arnav keep glaring at his beloved jijaji? What wrong could have happened? Oh no, did he know the truth? How could he have known?

Shyam gets further desperate in getting his hands on the papers, and Khushi notices further the tension between the men. She decides to ask Arnav about it but is interrupted with Arnav fake romancing her as they had Anjali witnessing them. Khushi feels all their intimate moments were a play!

Angry, Khushi demands why much she pretend to be a happy wife? She accuses him of hurting her but he accuses her of hurting him more.

Shocked at that, Khushi fears the worst. One, he must’ve known about Shyam. Two, during Holi she must’ve blurted the truth to Shyam.

With Shyam getting more insulting, Khushi straight up heads to Shyam and demands he tells the truths to Arnav. Shyam tries to use to opportunity to get her to sign some papers by Arnav, but Khushi refuses. Angry, Shyam decides to play dirty.

He mocks Khushi that she must be knowing why Arnav married her. Khushi is stunned and Shyam, honestly, tells everything. That Arnav saw what happened on the terrace, misunderstood it, threatened and blackmailed Shyam, and the point of marriage was to use Khushi against Shyam.

Shyam is happy seeing confusion in Khushi’s face but Khushi calls him a liar and storms off, not believing a single word she said. She wonders if he indeed marry her for this and that she could take him to visit her family but in anger if he reveals the contract marriage they’d be hurt further.

Exhausted, she asks Arnav why he married her, Arnav tells her and Khushi can’t believe it. She asks him not to lie but he emphasizes he isn’t!

Khushi is shattered and chooses to kill herself but Arnav saves her, traumatized, and begs Khushi to explain the situation to him instead of…

Khushi yells at him, the sheer audacity to ask for an explanation when he left no room for questions.

Khushi tells the truth and accuses him of coming to the conclusion he perhaps always wanted to reach.

About her, her character.

(images sourced from the lovely Indi)

Tagging: @butaneandthebeast @shiyaravi @shaonsim @thenainitaldisaster @maansiloves @muttonthings @sapnokiduniyaisalwaysbetter @bengudill @myloveforstuff @laad-governess @laadgovernorandsankadevi @leila1 @lostafpanda @magicfeltmybloop @honeybellexox @featheredclover @goals1024 @bigfatreader @simplycurlz @persephone-with-a-cat @chutkiandchotte @sankititaliya @ijustchangedmyname @noor1025 @bitchy-bi-trash @thecharlesboyle @thedupattaknowswhatsup @exosexosekai @arnav-aur-khushi @whateverworks21 @starzin8s

(This is my permanent tagging list - I’m unable to get a few names cause tumblr doesn’t let them??? So sorry about that and if you want to be added/deleted lemme know)

[blackberrysummerblog]

Hi again and happy Wednesday all! Thank you so much to everyone who tagged me last week; I really appreciate it & loved seeing what you’ve all been up to!

And Happy Birthday Simon Snow! Here’s a somewhat day-appropriate excerpt from my ongoing crucible marriage au, from Simon’s second day at good old Pitch Manor:

“So, no brothers and sisters. Just the Mage, more’s the pity. What else should I know about you, Snow? You weren’t at the last ceremony. When’s your birthday?”

Ah, fuck. There’s no way this isn’t going to be awkward. The date was written on my arm along with my name when my parents abandoned me, but I’m not going to tell him that. “It was...um. The 21st of June. Summer solstice, usually…”

“Yesterday. Your birthday was yesterday, Snow? Why in magic’s name didn’t you say anything?”

I shrug. “Your, uh, family didn’t really seem much in the mood to celebrate.”

“Well, I’d have liked to have known,” Baz says, scowling. It’s like the weather is echoing his mood, it’s gone right dark out all of a sudden.

“To be perfectly honest, it wasn’t foremost in my mind after the ceremony,” I snap. “Your aunt was furious and you—”

“I what, Snow?”

I squirm and try to pull my hand free. Baz resists for a moment but then lets go, and I cross my arms over my chest. Words are escaping me, as per usual. I shrug.

“Seven snakes, Snow.” He gives a long, slow sigh.

“Well, what would you have done if you knew, anyway? It’s not really a big deal.”

“It is to me! Crowley, I won’t have much excuse to forget from now on. Your birthday is the same day as our anniversary.”

“I guess I’ll be like one of those kids with Christmas birthdays now,” I say. As if Christmas or birthdays had been a thing in the homes, I don’t add. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if anyone tried to make a fuss. (That’s not fair. Penny did. She always had a small gift for me on those days, and a little cupcake with a candle on my birthday.)

“We’ll celebrate our anniversary the day before,” Baz says firmly, fixing me with a look I don’t think I’d dare challenge. “Solstice is sometimes on the 20th, anyway. Your birthday will get its own day, Snow.”

I don’t understand him at all, this easy way he has of swinging between remarks that cut straight to the bone and then, in the next instant...this. “Assuming we’re still married in a year,” I say, which is awful, but it’s not as though anyone here is pretending they’re not going to storm the Coven to tear us apart. I don’t want to think about that though, much less talk about it. I want things to be simple for once; I want the sort of uncomplicated life that everyone but me seems to get. Baz isn’t uncomplicated, but I feel like loving him might be. If we’re given the chance.

Tags under the cut! Have a great rest of the week, everyone!

@cutestkilla @larkral @facewithoutheart @ileadacharmedlife @bazzybelle @whogaveyoupermission @fatalfangirl @stitchyqueer @confused-bi-queer @c0nsumemy5oul @thewholelemon @asocialpessimist @supercutedinosaurs @palimpsessed @nausikaaa @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @rimeswithpurple @j-nipper-95 @cows4247 @sillyunicorn @stardustasincocaine @orange-peony @imagineacoolerusername @jasonfunderberthefrogexists @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @martsonmars @basiltonbutliketheherb @valeffelees @artsyunderstudy @aristocratic-otter @hushed-chorus @thehoneyedhufflepuff @erzbethluna @nightimedreamersworld @letraspal @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @raenestee @captain-aralias @shrekgogurt @onepintobean@ebbpettier @orange-peony @theearlgreymage @prettygoododds @forabeatofadrum @ivelovedhimthroughworse @stillmadaboutpetra @mostlymaudlin @whatevertheweather @bookish-bogwitch @fucking-gay-frogs @shutup-andletme-go @yellob @hertragedyconnoisseur @sailorblossoms @aceumbrellaheroes @ninemagicks @anikamercat @brilla-brilla-estrellita @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @ionlydrinkhotwater @captain-emrys @tender-ministrations

[steddieunderdogfics]

Conversations About Love by MuseumGiftShopEraser !!!! the bi aro rep that came for my throat and hasn't let go of it since

Conversations About Love by MuseumGiftShopEraser

@museumgiftshoperaser

Rating: Mature

41,803words, 9/9 chapters

Archive Warning:

Tags: Aromantic Steve Harrington, Steve has feelings for someone, the feeling is friendship, well... the feeling is confusion, Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Queer platonic relationships, Sexuality Crisis, Sexuality crises (plural), Bad advice but they're all trying their best, Angst with a Happy Ending, a very queerplatonic happy ending, Platonic Soulmates, Self-Loathing, Negative Self Talk, Author is very clearly going through some shit, i'm fine!, Gay Eddie Munson, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Steve and Eddie meet at the halloween party, Weed, Alcohol, Aromantic, Character being outed, Canon-Typical Violence, season 3 type torture

Summary:

“Sounds like she was really fucking drunk,” Eddie sighs when Steve’s done recapping his disaster of a relationship. “People say shit they don’t mean when they’re wasted.” “You didn’t see her face,” he says. “It was like she could tell.” “What could she tell?” He rubs his face out of habit and is almost surprised to find the wet tear stains. Oh that’s right, he was crying. “That there’s something wrong with me.” *** Steve gets his heart absolutely shattered in a bathroom at a random Halloween party. He storms off so no one can tell he’s on the verge of tears and finds Eddie Munson smoking a joint in the master bedroom. Steve pours his heart out and tells Eddie that he just can’t get it to come naturally with Nancy. No matter how hard he tries so play at romance, he can’t love her the way he’s supposed to. Eddie, who’s known he’s queer since middle school, sees something of himself in Steve. But as their friendship progresses into something more, Steve has to confront the fact that he might not be gay after all.

Thanks for the rec!

Know a fic that deserves extra love? Submit through our asks or the submission box!

[friendly-books]

Dresden files Storm Front live blog

Dresden files live blog  

I read the dresden files after reading Wedding Bells… No More like Hell’s Bells by @jadedragoness so this is going to be interesting. 

Storm front 

Murphy! I’m going to like you

Sqeee Marcone! And Hendricks!

We get Marcone in chapter two yay!

“A man of handsome and unassuming features” pg. 45 Bi Harry 1

“Good looking, tanned, athletic, and enthusiastic” pg. 46 Bi Harry 2

This was not the romantic met cute I wanted 

“He wanted to take a peek at my soul. He wanted to see what sort of man I was” pg. 50 Interesting implications 

Ugh male gaze 

“I borrowed a line from Johnny Marcone” pg.  59 Already 

Morgan you and Inspector Javert would get along. 

Mister! 

Bob! :)

Toot-toot! 

Why did you attack Harry Bianca? What was your plan here? If Harry did kill Jennifer what do you think you can do against him? If Harry didn’t kill Jennifer then you just attacked an innocent man. 

Did Bianca kill Rachel? I think she killed her.

Beckitt’s? As in Demeter? 

He Who Walks Behind sounds like a name with all its capital letters.

Harry forgot about his date with Susan oh no

Morgan is the worst the absolute worst 

Harry using the power of a storm is cool

I like Susan she seems fun

More Marcone yay

Harry put on a show that poor building what did it ever due to you?

“You should have known me better than that Mr. Dresden” It was my turn to frown “You’re right. I should have” pg. 260 Yes you really should have, you’ve seen his soul Harry. 

“Then he smiled for a fraction of a second” pg. 262 Harry already making Marcone smile 

“Harry” pg. 262 Already talking with first names. I know Harry won’t like that but my shipper heart adores it. 

“Good luck. I think it would be best if you and I did not encounter one another in the future. I cannot tolerate any more interference in my affairs'' pg. 263 Pfff that’s not going to happen. Marcone is definitely showing up in the next book. 

Harry’s dad no now I’m sad 

Harry buddy I talk to myself occasionally but this is a bit much. 

“Fuego” pg. 278 Is this the first bit of fire magic in the book? I think it is. Pretty late to show off Harry’s classic spell.

Victor isn’t very smart because he is summoning a demon.

The fight was cool! 

I’m glad Murphy is ok and threw the flowers at Harry. I’m glad they’re friends again. I’m glad Harry got his date with Susan. I like that Toot-toot got his pizza in the end. 

Final thoughts I like all the characters so far. Not a fan of the male gaze. I’m absolutely a Harry/Marcone shipper thanks to @jadedragoness. Let’s see how far the Bi Harry counter can go. “He wanted to take a peek at my soul. He wanted to see what sort of man I was” Has interesting implications in that Marcone seems to know what a soul gaze is and he knows about magic. Not sure if I’m reading too much into it. Not a fan of Morgan he needs to take a chill pill and stop being such a Knight Templar. I’m pretty sure Bianca killed Rachel which isn’t great. Like lady you could have stopped before you drained Rachel dry. Bianca isn’t the smartest person around. I didn’t realize that the Beckett’s were all the way back in book 1. He Who Walks Behind is differently coming back. Like you don’t have a name like that and not be important. The fight scenes were cool. I thought there would be more spell slinging. Overall I liked it.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: J. Dreyfus, Esq.

Published: Aug 5, 2023

I came out in 1986. Not ideal timing. I started working professionally in 1990 & was open about it. I worked with gay theatre companies doing gay plays. I was told, repeatedly, that being out would damage my career. I was told to keep it quiet. How it would ‘limit my chances’. 1 

Don’t forget that back then, in many people’s minds, being gay & AIDS was synonymous. So it was always difficult. But I refused to listen. I know many people to this day who have chosen to remain quiet about their sexuality. Which is entirely their decision. It didn’t work 2. 

..for me. Which was fine too. The Equality Shows by the, then, marvellous & supportive Stonewall, promised just that. Equality. Nothing more. Nothing less. I was invited as one of the very few out gay performers to high kick with The Tiller Girls at the Albert Hall. Along …3 

..with Gambaccini, Somerville, O’Grady, Fry etc. All there for equality. For gay, lesbian & bi people. People who were persecuted or loathed for SAME SEX ATTRACTION. Fast forward. Equality, in law, achieved. There were & will always be those that actively despise us..4 

..and nothing will change their minds. I was led to believe that I’d no longer be referred to “an openly gay actor” . I’d simply be known as “another actor”. Which was exactly what I hoped for. To be treated NO differently than anyone else. No preferential or patronising …5 

..treatment. No excuses. No pandering. No special handling. My hope was that this eternal labelling would fade away. That it no longer would be an issue. That we’d get to a place where no one actually cared. Because then, & only then, could we lay claim to true equality…6 

Well, I don’t mind admitting how wrong I was to assume that would be the natural outcome. Fast forward. Now, the labelling is out of all control. Kids are taught that perfectly normal oscillating feelings indicate something is wrong. Or that they’re special & unique. ..7. 

Of course they’re going to swallow it hook line & sinker! They’re kids! Of course, they’re going to grow up thinking labelling is the way forward. Identifying ‘as’, instead of ‘with’. But it’s ONLY because it’s been force fed to them by adults who, frankly, should know better. 8 

By imposing this insistence on distinguishing yourself through labels, you’ve grossly ADDED to the already complex & difficult time of youth & change. You’ve run with a relatively new & spurious ideology & given kids nothing but confusion, difficulties, mental health issues..9 

..& hugely increased anxieties, leading to a leap in bullying & self harm. You’ve encouraged school, clubs, camps, universities & institutions to push this onto kids from year dot. And you NOW sit back & say, “What on earth is going on with young people? Why are some …10. 

..so aggressive, so lacking in empathy, so narcissistic, so entitled! Whatever happened??” YOU. You happened. You thought you were doing that right thing. You followed the prevailing wind of the day. You bought the Pokémon, the Tamagotchi, the latest fad… As this trend…11. 

..fades, & it will, as all trends do, what are you going to say? How will you explain? How will you disentangle yourselves from this man-made storm you participated in spreading? Please don’t let stubborn pride prevent you from attempting to undo the harm that’s been done 12 

Don’t double-down when the evidence of your errors is staring you right in the face. You should have simply left the kids OUT OF IT. But that would have been impossible, wouldn’t it? Because without the kids, this ideology is f**ked…. …right?? /