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someplace-that-is-else · 9 months ago

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'Traces of You: Part the Second'

‘So what have you been up to?’

It had been a minute since I’ve seen Hayley, one of my favorite female bartenders. We always had a great time. And good taste in music. And just like me, she was part of the San Diego hustle, running around with multiple jobs. Since she was always on the go, it was nice to see her out for a change.

Usually, we would get caught up on what was going on in our lives. We might discuss what music concerts were going on. There was also the latest bar gossip. And most importantly, I had mentioned that I was buckling down to finish up HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES.

Ah…HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES…

After making it past the point where I usually got Writer’s Block whenever I worked on my forthcoming novel, I now had a new problem. A recurring one problem that could maybe get me to a point where I stopped writing again. And what was that problem?

Mirroring.

HELLO, MY SHADOW SELF.

In my last blog (Someplace That is... Else — 'Traces of You: Part the First' (tumblr.com) ), I mentioned that I had written a plot twist for the characters of friends Shaun and Trey. And as I wrote the aftermath, the words that I found coming out of the characters’ mouths felt awfully familiar. Of course, they did. They echoed what appeared to be going on in my current life. And that…made me put the pencil down quickly.

Or as I called it above…mirroring.

Mirroring was when you were working on something. And that something just so happened to be like what was going on around you at that moment. For me, it always made me question what was going on.

This happened when I was working on DARKCHILDE. What was central to that novel was the relationship between the main character Ebony and love interest Nicholas. I felt that I’ve done a good job setting it up in DARKNED SOUL. But in the process of deepening their ‘will-they/won’t-they’ relationship in the novel, there was a scene that was totally plot that shined a light on their relationship issues.

It was in the introduction of the character Antonio. One of the oldest Nosferatu in my series. And he was also insane. And I showed, don’t tell, his insanity. From the eccentric vibe of his apartment to his appearance to his interactions between him, Nicholas, and old friend Titania and other minor characters central to the plot, the readers got to see Antonio’s insanity on full display. Part of the main plot was who was after Ebony. And Antonio tried to narrow down suspects. In his test to figure out who…he dropped some truth about Ebony and Nicholas. And those truths felt eerily familiar in terms of a relationship I was going through at the time. I immediately jumped out of the scene.

That was nothing compared to DARKENED SOUL: JONATHAN’S TALE though. Fun fact…originally JONATHAN’S TALE was going to be the main novella in my short story collection DARKENED SOUL: PIECES OF A DARKENED PUZZLE. However, it took on a life of its own.

That was part of the reason I wanted to do a story on the vibe I felt from enigmatic Jonathan in DARKENED SOUL. I had no idea how much vibe and life was there. Jonathan being a quiet lover of books. Jonathan and his relationship with his father. Jonathan’s feelings about love and Ursula. There were so many moments where I had to pause because it felt…familiar. I wondered…was this a character that I was writing…or was it me? One scene involving Jonathan and his father had me in tears…right before a work meeting. It brought up feelings I thought I had overcome with my deceased father. Guess not.

And now there I was again with HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES. It was happening again with Shaun, Trey, and the plot twist.

I managed to continue to write. That was good for me because that meant there was no Writer’s Block to worry about. It definitely gave the back half of the novel some momentum. Meanwhile, their other friends Eugene and Omar had a nice subplot going on.

BUT? HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES was supposed to be about the pitfalls of an interracial relationship. It was also about the bounds of black friendships. What I did not expect was to find my main character with not one love interest, but TWO. And given the qualities of the two guys, I found myself as indecisive as Shaun over who he should be with. Also…the qualities in the guys…was VERY familiar.

I was friends with someone. We were associates at one point. Always discussing life. We became good friends after the pandemic. Nothing like death hanging over you to make a person love the connections around them. I was no difference. He told me about his problems. And he watched me stubble through potential relationships.

And then…it got complicated.

Let’s say my friend turned out to not be immune to my charms. And I was oblivious to that fact. Until I wasn’t. It got to a point where I could no longer deal with it. Too many questions. Like how people would see us if we were to get together. Questions like was our differences even possible to manage because we both had our own beliefs that we carried around and were constantly changing. Questions like…was he worth the risk or wait?

As if seeing some of these questions being worked on with Shaun and his love interests weren’t enough, I started to notice the dialogue was getting pointed. Almost as if my characters wanted me to make up my mind about my own life. Not unlike what happened with DARKCHILDE and DARKENED SOUL: JONATHAN’S TALE.

And with all those questions whirling around in my head, it came as no surprise when it happened.

I couldn’t finish my novel. Shaun couldn’t pick between his love interests. And I…couldn’t decide on the ending.

Stuck.

THE CHOICE

Another day, another appearance at Lestat’s.

I had grown tired of being stuck. So what else could I do but write. So I figured a change of scenery might get me to come to some conclusion on how I wanted HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES to end. And goodness knows Lestat’s had good coffee.

But…nope. A few times I even got teary-eyed writing. While it was building to a head nicely, Shaun still couldn’t make up his mind. Neither could his author. Some days were better than others.

And I couldn’t help but wonder why? Was it really that hard for me because of the characters, or was it hard because it was mirroring my own life?

I thought about that Ryan Reynolds article often. I mentioned it, the one he did with Best Life. His talk about happiness as he was raising up through the acting ranks. And what kept resonating to me was so small, but so significant.

Happiness is a choice. It was a choice that most people did not make.

I didn’t want to be like most people. And I knew how much HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES was important to me. From the years I’ve been working on it. To hearing my deceased friend Mr. Moore in my head, always encouraging me. To my father who had also passed, wanting me to be doing what I dreamt of doing. To see the look on my bartender friend Matt’s face when he saw the ‘passion project’ was done…and in his hands…SIGNED.

I haven’t finished a book since 2020. And what I wanted to be doing was writing. That was what was going to make me happy. So…wasn’t it time to be done? Wasn’t it time to be happy?

So…I made my choice.

Same time tomorrow?

THE PATH FORWARD

Pure and utter chaos.

That was how I described the climax and closing chapters of HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES. Rebuttals. Debates. Catfights. Fashion. The Hamptons. You would have thought it was the Real Housewives of Miami, not a gay novel. Hehe.

But then…there it was again. The very thing that I was avoiding. The ending.

I felt that I had set it up well enough. Shaun had had a moment with both of his love interests. Readers got to see the interaction. The chemistry. But the real question persisted…who would Shaun pick?

Hmm…good question. And as I sat in Lestat’s, I did not know what to say. My current personal situation blended into both love interests. Should Shaun take Offer 1 with all of its complications, or should he go for Offer 2 which would be a sure bet though it was not without its own complications? Who would make him happy? How could he choose? If his author could not pick in his current life, what were the odds that the character would pick any better?

Ryan Reynolds’s words came back to me again. So as I sat in Lestat’s, I asked myself…what would Shaun want to make him happy. After some shade, a lickback, and a run out with tears, I wrote what Shaun’s choice was. I also got to write words, I never thought I would get to.

The end.

Would readers like it? I was not sure. I was sure that I would get interesting responses. As for the traces of me in my novel…well…it was a given that that would show up in my work. I thought there were some lessons to learn from it. But as long as I trusted my intuition, it was all good.

#writing #ryanreynolds #menshealth #mirroring #mirror #sandiego #shadowself #happiness #choices #blog #ending #rhom #lestats #passionproject #paths #inspiration

#writing #ryan reynolds #menshealth #mirroring #mirror #san diego #shadow self #tvd #happiness #choices #blog #ending #rhom #lestats #passionproject #paths #inspiration

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