#less stressful for me . or it SHOULD be.
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*tries to organize my thoughts*
*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*
*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*
(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next
#i marie kondoed my thoughts and *i* feel great. but now my stream-of-consciousness has escaped containment#so many innocent bystanders at stake#every time i try to organize my thoughts i run out of plastic bins and have to make a trip to the container store where i get even more dis#racted so. you can't just hand me THIS brain and NO catalogue OR library classification system#and expect me to single-handedly sort through all this nonsense? bad form but fucking form not in my job description#aNYways. formal education sure did a FUCKING NUMBER on us huh#(a number i measure not in gpa or dollars of student debt.#but in the number of therapy sessions & medical debt it will take to recover.)#seriously folks. our education systems are...innately traumatizing for a huge number of students. and we NEED to address this.#the fact that it is culturally common for adults to have anxiety nightmares about school/exams...even decades later?#that is not cute. it is Alarming.#no one--much less entire generations--should be spending their developmental years in an environment of chronic stress & pressure & strain#and yet that is the reality for millions and millions of pre-teen and teenage and young adult students#this isn't healthy and it serves and empowers NO ONE#...except of course the many exploitative educational & financial & debt-collecting institutions thriving from the current balance of power#and of course it's a nefarious and powerful way to sabotage/erase the middle class#which billionaires and the wealth-inequality creators they finance couldn't possibly have any noteworthy interest in whatsoever#it's not like there's an elite group of people with huge financial incentives to drain/steal resources from the masses...#anyways sorry for going all Conspiracy Theory on you.#obviously the billionaires who control the vast majority of our resources and news and political campaign funding#are not tied to every single itty bitty social issue and i'm a silly billy to imply it#please tell elon musk to ignore this tweet i am so subservient and acquiescent#mr musky u r so good at inheriting slavery-built mining fortunes & buying other people's companies#& building rocket ships & fancy cars that do NOT explode/catch fire & also NOT running billion dollar companies into the ground#mr musky u r so talented genius billionaire playboy with 10 kids and ex-wives who find you creepy af babe u r basically iron man
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atoriv-art · 2 months ago
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older designs for my specialest guy
#you actually could pay me to watch boruto the payment is reviving any of madara-obito-itachi in a cheap fan service moment. itd work on me 👍#neji hyuga#hyuga neji#art#fanart#naruto#2024#i think konoha would love to project the will of fire shit onto neji after what he did. ya know. trying to give your life 'for the village'#in that way hed probs have a lot of respect from others but respect has never been enough when your life still isnt yours 😛#the pessimism would likely take a bit to return to him but it Would return hes just like. less interpersonally volatile#the realization you had two whole very public meltdowns and no one that matters cared will do that to you#anywayfor the happy ending one. i think while neji is always going to be a little bit bitchy hes bound to soften up a lot when he's not#under constant stress and has to micromanage his every thought#i like to think that if he were allowed to hed grow into a very outwardly warm person. sunflower :)#and my general opinions of neji and boruto are:#1. yes it is a blessing to not be made to be straight married#2. however consider: what if i wanted to see neji be a dad. i dont care for romantic njten but i do not hate it. it would be acceptable#when i think abt this guy in boruto hes chronically single but still.talking about what CANON could be. it would be acceptable#3. yes hiashi shouldve gotten his ass killed in the war but i would be lying if i said the awful family reunions#are not fun as a concept#are they fun on purpose? no#but the rule is: A situation can suck if it sucks on purpose#and 4. i know about the time travel episode i have mixed feelings on it.#anyway no hate if you like boruto i like being hyperbolic for fun but its just anime. the kids seem cute#but if any other hyuga-brained person ever wants to get unimaginably angry you should also watch the hiashi birthday episode of boruto#thats my special recommendation from me to you
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ghastlyaffairs · 7 months ago
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
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the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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itty-bitty-sunshine · 15 days ago
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Love slowly but surely becoming the odd one out in my circle for not using chat gpt even though it would "make my life so much easier and i could spend less time revising stuff" /neg
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rapidhighway · 3 months ago
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I can't believe people give advice that's basically "be less stressed". How can I explain to you that I've been scared of walking down the stairs since I learned to walk and I get an intrusive thought every time I cross a road. And then I have a lot more, actually real and important stuff to be anxious about!!
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silly-lil-scribbles · 13 days ago
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geesussss can my brain chill out maybe like at this point people arent even doing anything im pretty sure its just pretending something is off so i can start panicking about if someone hates me and im not enough and they will leave and i am the worst person ever because of this. why. dude. please. nothing happened. why do you even do this. and worse why the fuck do i still believe you every time no matter what
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leclercsbf · 1 year ago
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Kimi Antonelli and Valentino Rossi
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transmechanicus · 15 days ago
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I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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#my stuff#i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash#nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul#i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends#i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch#i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care#i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside#these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life#it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day#it never feels like enough. it probly never will#i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends#as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again#i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now#i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD#i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside#i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp#perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair
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icewindandboringhorror · 21 days ago
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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thelov3lybookworm · 7 months ago
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when you become grateful for your parents>>>>>>
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doodlebloo · 9 months ago
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Hiii guys.
I've already been out of my mind busy for the past few months, and with midterms happening and my thesis defense soon I may not be super active here for a bit.
As it stands now I'm not leaving this blog. This has been my home for the past few years and I love the story too much to let go. I will assess how I'll talk about Tommy/Phil/Tubbo etc going forwards based on their responses, lack thereof, info on what is and isn't allowed to be said legally, etc.
If you're reading this I love you so so so much. I am at all times overflowing with love for the dsmp/mcyt community and what it's done for me. Some of the happiest moments I've had in my life were because of you all.
Also, if you're rebranding or moving blogs or w/e and we're mutuals I'd love to follow your new account even if we share 0 interests in common now, feel free to lmk where you're headed to (if you want) ❤️
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mars-ipan · 23 days ago
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Tomorrow Is Election Day And I Am So Fucking Stressed
#marzi speaks#marzivents#hi folks. i haven’t been making much art lately. apologies! i want to be#unfortunately shit is Stressful in both my little world (i’m starting to get overwhelmed with my meds and refills and driving)#and on a broader more societal scale (if trump gets re-elected shit is going to go so fucking bad oh my god)#PLUS we’re in the It Gets Dark At 6PM Zone now#i think i’ve lowkey been catastrophizing a bit with all that’s been going on#i should probs look into those psych referrals my doctor gave me#she offered them bc the almost-dying earlier this year was Traumatic and i was showing signs of anxiety/depression#but i think they’ll just be helpful in general#god though i hate being on prescriptions. it feels like there’s a constant timer hanging over my head#refill these pills before this time so you don’t have to miss a day. woops! the pharmacy’s out of stock on this one#so you’ll have to come back at another less convenient time. fail to do so and the medication goes on hold#which requires a phone call where you speak to a Robot that may not understand the nuances of ur situation#grrrgh it sucks so bad. thankfully i refilled my prednisone the other day and have like 3 months’ worth now#and that’s the one i really can’t afford to miss bc steroid withdrawals could really fuck me up#but uggghhh i hate it. so much. bc it looms over me always#i hate keeping track of when i’ve taken my pills too. i keep a checklist for every day#so i remember what i have to take and if i’ve taken it#but god it sucks. i’m at the point where it’s basically routine now so i do it automatically#but i know if i stop monitoring i’m gonna forget if i’ve taken my steroid one day#and either double dose or skip the day. and that’ll fuck me up pretty good#anyways. hoping hoping hoping this election goes well bc idk if i can take it if our country tis of thee elects the fucking fascist#this one’s fine to rb. i think many of us share this sentiment lmao
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crimeronan · 9 months ago
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i was tired of being so antsy and anxious so i left the house and walked almost 5 miles. this technically broke my PT rules but i was able to consciously engage my core the whole time to keep my back from hurting + my hips from subluxing (thank u 9 days of PT exercises already making a measurable difference) & now i'm taking a hot bath so i am..... Knocking On Wood that i'll be okay. please god.
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rapidhighway · 2 months ago
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i might've fucked up -.-
#idk what's wrong with me#god im so tired of being stressed all the time and im tired of it#just being fully my fault ugh why do i keep fucking up this entire uni thing#im just so stressed i freeze and i don't do the things i have to do i dont send documentation#i didnt sign up for ANY class yet because i just couldnt get myself to look at them and i think i fucked everything up and its going to#be a whole thing#idk i would just rather stay at home and do nothing but i cant so i gotta go#but i feel sick at the thought ugh#i dont feel any energy to do any assignments of even go to class already and im not even there im still at home#ughhhhhhhhhhhhh#im so tiredd i cant do this#i have to pack and i cant get myself to do it either#vent#sorry sorry sorry#i need to talk about it i cant talk to anyone here cause ill just get yelled at or something my fam doesnt get it it just makes me#feel worse ughhhh#idk if i should even go#i feel like im wasting people's time and money and my own sanity just to underachieve and feel like shit all the time but the one thing#that therapist told me was that i shouldn't drop out because it's gonna solidify my views that im constantly failing at everything so this#has been one of the main reasons im still trying idk maybe itll do something one day#but heyy if i keep at it maybe next month my uni will give me money so i can go to a psych appointment or something#tho tbh the more i think about it the worse i feel about THAT like yeah i feel like shit but i feel like if just was better and stronger an#less lazy i could do it all easily
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lunarharp · 1 year ago
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lil extras for the free day
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boxwinebaddie · 3 months ago
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if you don’t mind me asking, how in the everloving fuck did you get mercury AND arsenic poisoning?? is that common??
siiiiiiiiiiiigh.
so, no...thankfully, my dear, sweet darling:
i don't think it's terribly common, ( neither was the arsenic i guess, but i'll get into that ) but it is when you're stupid as fuck like me.
because i am too lazy to type it all out again and don't have it in me to be eloquent ( i am saving that for writing about the boys, now that i, thankfully, can coherently write again ) i will send you the synopsis that i sent elite sickfic style dr. ana ( god's fucking angel )
**it's the updated, more articulate ( give or take ) version because i tried to explain it to the girls the day i got home ( take it easy on them please, i couldn't text or call and gave them quite a fright, ily girlies ) unfortunately, i was still not super good at making words and processing things, so i wrote this now that i am functioning better.
sorry for spooking you all about the parasite; long story short, it was not as deadly as i thought -- I DID, HOWEVER, STILL HAVE A VERY NASTY BACTERIAL INFECTION, LIKE WHEN I SAY NASTY, I MEAN VERY, VERY, VERY BAD AND I WAS FIGHTING IT CONCURRENTLY WITH THE PARA WHICH MADE IT SEEM A LOT WORSE, VERY ASS!
but long story, medium:
alright! gather round kids --
it's uncle nina story time.
tw for gross medical stuff / me being in mentally ill hell
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anyways, looking forward to sharing my writing with you all again and answering my asks if we still care!
love you and hyh,
metal head uncle nina
#uncle nina: village idiot#kind of; i am glad my brain still works#when i tell yall i wasnt writing bc my body was so weak from my bac infection and the crazy metal poisoning me#that i could not think clearly it was hard to talk it was hard to move i was very very very frightened and very light sensitive#i do have bipolar but i was seriously worried i was lowkey schizophrenic for a second there bc i was starting to hallucinate#i am not! just psychosis from the stress and toxic amount of certain elements in my body! whew! jerseykyle moment#my tinnitis is starting to get better and sounds are less scary now i do still get these intense flashes of light in my vision#i'm talking like 80s slasher movie strobe lights like someone turned off the light and turned it back on it fucking sucks#i do still think they should skin biop me for the bac for anythin it caused but fuck if i'm seeing another dr. fuuuck no baby!#but yeah scary when i tell you i thought everything was contaminated ( which it kind of was and was why the para wouldnt clear )#there was ( i think ) a lot of it because i didn't catch it very quickly and or didn't know what it was or what to do because#the doctors wouldn't listen to me about it ( and specifically failed to catch my super serious bacteria infection which#became resistant to several antibiotics which they piled me with to treat conditions that i DID NOT HAVE THX AHOLES )#idk just be gentle with me i am a little fragile just bc its weird to be back to normal and okay again ( i do take a lot of meds )#and i am sorry for all the neglected asks i very much want to answer them and hope to get back to you soon#i love you and sorry if this is tmi i like to be honest with yall
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