#like sometimes i feel like im actually going crazy because how many times can you

[rapidhighway]

I can't believe people give advice that's basically "be less stressed". How can I explain to you that I've been scared of walking down the stairs since I learned to walk and I get an intrusive thought every time I cross a road. And then I have a lot more, actually real and important stuff to be anxious about!!

[hollow-vok]

Ohh im obssesed

[songspirits]

rating fanon portrayals of the outsiders boys

note: my guesses on the canon personalities probably arent even true lol this is my opinion

-

ponyboy curtis

5/10

sometimes the portrayals are really good!! but i hate that often, people portray him either as a moody brat or a weak baby. he is canonically a good fighter, especially after the fire, though he doesn’t like to. hes a loner, hes a reader, hes a pacifist, hes a good kid.

you have to remember that the outsiders is literally written in HIS POINT OF VIEW!!! ofc yes he’s a sassy and snarky teenager but he is also so intelligent and smart. hes a loner, but the gang would never shun his company. he has so much depth that a lot of writers often forget. hes a 14 year old kid with thoughts of a adult and can only do so much. thats what makes the outsiders so relatable to alot of people. its his intelligence that makes him and darry argue, because of how darry sees himself in ponyboy

but also on the other side of the coin ponyboy is a fragile character after the events of the book, because he is 14!!! but he has thoughts!!

i feel like people forget his good traits and only focus on the bad (and oh my goodness does this count for darry too!)

sorry for my rambles i just love his character so much :-(

darry curtis

7/10

besides fanfiction.net and like 30% of the fics on ao3 hes actually a solid portrayal most of the time, but tons of people forget that his relationship with ponyboy wasnt actually that batshit awful. sure theyd butt heads alot and go back and forth but they love each other thats why they did that. hes so much more than just an angry man who happens to be ponyboys brother.

hes a man who peaked in high school (IM KIDDING) and lost it all not because of his brothers but because of his parents. there was probably some strong resentment there for a while until they died. darrys problem or flaw is that he cares too much and his fear turns to anger. its love for sodapop and ponyboy that brings him back when he realizes his anger is doing more bad than good for his little brothers. It’s opening up and allowing his brothers in that helps his character.

that being said, people often focus more on his bad traits than his good traits. its a running theme in the outsiders fandom, i’ve noticed

sodapop curtis

7.5/10

highest rating i have on this list!! fanfiction.net outsider fics ive gotta say i actually just cant handle it so thats why it isnt a full 8 and ao3 is a 50/50

people put that hes soft but also forget that hes wild. hes batshit CRAZY. hes just as protective as darry and just as snarky as ponyboy. hes soft!! hes rough!! sodapop curtis is a dynamic character!!!!

johnny

5/10

ehhhhhh, most johnny portrayals i’ve seen are either really good or really bad. kinda ponyboy’s problem, being seen as weak. hes just a dynamic character who is allowed to be weak but also has so many strong traits about him. he is a frightened wounded animal to most but to the gang hes something more than that. also, snarky and ‘over’ johnny portrayals are great.

dallas

4/10

most portrayals i’ve seen are pretty good but its the same problem ive seen in all the boys— they only focus on a few traits dallas has (aggressive, tough, hardened) and stick with that. forgetting the youth in dallas winston and making his character honestly… less tragic?

imo the tragedy of the outsiders is the youthfulness in all the boys and how shitty situations couldnt make them more vulnerable, so i would love more of a vulnerable dallas in fics around the gang. another thing, people forget how much ponyboy really does mean to dallas. johnny and ponyboy were both his brothers and he’d did so much for the both of them precisely bc of that

two-bit

5/10

again.💔people forget how DYNAMIC these characters are!!! two-bit knows when to get serious for the love of god!!

steve

1/10

what portrayal. ☹️ppl dont write him enough and if they do its like one line #justiceforsteve

in conclusion

the outsiders fandom often have such good portrayals but only for one part of their character. this isnt to shame anyone or anything!! but this is just a helpful criticism ?? for any writers out there portraying the boys!! trust me i had to think abt this too lmao

[soyaei]

hello!! would you be comfortable writing about high school nanami? just as you were about to confess your feelings to him, a series of bizarre events unfolded, derailing your plans and leading to unexpected consequences 🤩

Hey… Can i tell you something?

highschoolau!nanami kento x female reader

not proofread so please forgive for the grammar mistakes or some spelling mistakes.

Nanami was popular with the girls, and that includes you. Except… you were actually kind of getting the vip treatment from him. He was never really interested in talking with the girls who were squealing over him. The girls were crazy over him, and you were too. But you weren’t really showing that craziness of yours because you actually know what shame is.

To get straight to the point, you were Nanami’s classmate. Sure, nothing that special. But the thing is, Nanami’s english is�� a bit bad, but not horrible. And you, you could say you speak english like its your mother tongue language. So maybe thats the reason Nanami wanted you to be his outside of school english teacher. A lot of his fangirls knew this and boy you never would imagine the day you would get so many jealous looks.

But aside from that, Nanami actually sometimes ask you to hangout with him without any special occasion, he claims it to be a thanks and all but in the inside, he just wanted to spend some time with you. He himself didn’t know why he was feeling it or knew how to explain the feeling.

Days turn by weeks, weeks turn by months and months turn by years. Your feelings towards Nanami has increased and you have been his very close classmate for 3 years now, and for that 3 years you had to fight the urge to yell your feelings towards him, to express how you really felt about him. But knowing that he was already tired of his fangirls and he probably hangout with you because he thought you might be the only girl that doesn’t have a crush on him, you stopped yourself.

But today was different, today… you were going to confess. You prayed that this wouldn’t affect your friendship and if he didn’t like you back, you at least hope that he wouldn’t avoid you.

The bell rings, it was finally time for lunch. You sat up, took you wallet and went to Nanami’s desk. “Hey, Kento, we should go sit at the bench near the field. I heard no one uses it! The surrounding there must be relaxing, i’m sure you’ll like it.” You said, not realizing that you forgot to breathe while talking.

“Okay then, im fine with sitting anywhere. I’ll just go to the canteen to get some foo-“

“Kento!!!”

Oh no, a fangirl! You’re definitely getting side eyed. The fangirl, named (someone you dont like), caged her arms with Nanami’s. Nanami immediately backed off and told her to not touch him without consent again. Kind of like scolding, typical Kento Nanami.

“Don’t be mad!!! When we’re dating, I won’t need to ask before touching you, so you have to get used to it!!!” When she said that, you clenched your fist, wishing you could just smack down her right here and right now.

Nanami, on the other hand, made a disgusted face. The girl was used to it so she wasn’t offended. She laughed it off instead. “Oh, Kento, your so cute when you do that face! You should do it to Y/n too, didn’t she just asked you to go to that bench near the field? No one is around there, you know. Who knows if she’s planning to lay hands on you.” You clenched your fist harder, you wanted to say something but Nanami calmed you down by patting you back. Seems like he knew you were about to say the most sassiest comeback to the girl but stopped you right there to not cause a scene.

Nanami gave you a sign to run out of the door together by looking at you and then the door. You nodded slowly and counted 3 to 1 with your fingers. As it reached 1 and the girl distracted by yapping about whatever she had in mind to say to Nanami, you two immediately ran to the door, getting out of the class and ran to the cafeteria. You managed to run without getting caught by a teacher or the principal. You two tried to catch up with your breathe when you two arrived at the canteen.

“Better hurry up before she gets here.”

You and Nanami were finally at your destination, the bench near the field that didn’t get much attention because it was a bit far away from the canteen. Making the place’s surrounding being peaceful.

“It feels nice here. I hope we won’t get disturbed.”

Nanami said. Nanami was calm but you were the opposite. Well, you were collected on the outside but in the inside you were really stressing out. You guys are alone, nows the chance! Your going to confess! You can’t believe it!

“Hey… Can i tell you something?” You asked to Nanami. He nodded to reassure you that you should continue. As soon as you were about to tell him you feelings, the girl from before and her gang came out of nowhere with phones recording both you and Nanami. For some reason, you felt extremely exposed. You could be naked right now and you wouldn’t feel this exposed and embarrassed.

“Hey, look at this guys! The girl who thinks shes so better than everyone because Kento is her ‘bEsT fRiEnD’ is going to confess her feelings!” (the name of someone you hate) said out loudly, catching some people’s attention while recording the scene with her phone.

“Does she think she has a chance just because shes Kento’s friend?”

“Probably, i wouldn’t test my luck if i was her.”

“Shes embarrassing herself.”

“Why would anyone confess empty handed? At least offer him some chocolate while at it.”

“He probably never liked her and is just her friend to do her a favor for being his english teacher..”

The whispers of peoples gossip was louder than anyone’s scream to you. You never felt this humiliated.

“Y/n, sorry.” Kento said out of nowhere.

“Hu-“ before you could even finish your sentence, Nanami grabbed your hand and pulled you to a near classroom that no one was in.

When you two arrived, Nanami closed the door and tried to catch up with his breathe.

"Nanami... I-" You tried to say something, but because you were out of breathe, you could barely let any words out of your mouth. "Y/n, please sit down first. No need to rush." Nanami said as he lead you to a seat.

When you finally calmed down, Nanami reassures you to continue what you wanted to say when you were rudely interrupted by (the name of someone you hate). "I... you know what, nevermind. I will tell you tomorrow." When you said, Nanami raised one of his eyebrows. But then he thought to himself, it was probably something important and you don't have the mood to say it anymore since who knows if that girl is still watching.

"All right then. I'll wait. It doesn't have to be tomorrow, you can tell me later if you want too." Nanami tells you.

The next day comes, at you two were at the same location you were at yesterday. Except, you could confirm that no one is watching since school is over. You and Nanami often walked to home together so he was fine with you wanting to stay here for a bit. "So, what did you want to tell me yesterday? You said you'd tell me it today." Nanami breaks the silence.

"O-Oh! Right, I almost forgot about that since the breeze is so calming today... heh...But anways... i want to... tell you... that..."

Oh god, here it goes. Your going to say it! You had to wait for the right moment for three years! Without realizing, your face was heating up. You wasted no time and stood up, facing Nanami and tell him what you have always wanted to say...

"Nanami! I like you! I... I have liked you even before we became friends." ...Silence.

"I...I thought-"

"He doesn't like you back, give up!" Oh. My. GOD. IT'S THE GIRL FROM BEFORE. WHY IS SHE HERE, HOW DID SHE KNOW WE WERE HERE, AND WHY IS SHE RECORDING!!!

"And... post. Heh, have fun getting gossipped tomorrow, Y/n!" (the name of someone you hate) then runs away. You feel so embarrassed right now. You don't want to listen to what she just said but what if she's right? What did Nanami wanted to say? He thought what? He thought that i was different from other girls in this school so i wouldn't like him in a romantic way?! Just as you thought that mindset to yourself. You took your bagpack from the bench and ran away, not realizing your eyes are already tearing up. Nanami just watched the scene unfolds as he was too shocked to do anything right now.

The next day arrives, and you tried your best to ignore the stuff people are saying about the confession you made yesterday. As if your not feeling worse that Nanami probably doesn't like you back and wouldn't want to be your friend anymore. Class was just normal, and in two hours it's already lunch break. You didn't feel like eating so you planned on just staying at the field. As you tried to calm yourself down and tell yourself that it's okay if Nanami doesn't like you back, someone pushed you shoulder harshly, but it didn't make you fall down.

"What's up lonely girly? What chu doing? And where's your closeeee friendddd" (the name of someone you hate) said to you in a high pitched voice and whining at the end of her sentence to annoy you more. What did you do? You... just... well... listened to whatever she wanted to tell you. You seriously had no energy to even make a facial expression or even care about your surrounding.

"Hey." A familiar voice interrupts. It's Nanami! What was he doing here? To also bully you? When you saw Nanami walking towards you, you immediately stood up and tried to walk away. Nanami grabs your wrist to stop you. And you just let it happen. You mentally prepared yourself to hear what he wanted to say.

"Y/n... I..." Nanami says nervously. (the name of someone you hate) took out her phone before you knew it to record the scene, expecting Nanami to say he didn't like you back.

"I-I-I... I like you too!!!" Nanami shouted out, not too loud but loud enough for the surrounding to hear it, to make sure that Nanami actually felt the same way. "If this is to not make people gossip about me, you can take it back." Now, because Nanami shouted out those four words people at school are interested to hear, a few students were watching you two.

"No...I... Y/n." Nanami said as he held both of your hands to turn you around and look at him. Cupping your cheeks, wiping yours tears with his thumb. "Y/n. I never had a friend this close in my life, Not to mention a girl. I was never interested in dating this whole time but you changed my mindset. When i first met you i just felt like i always want to be close with you. I didn't understand why i felt that way and now... when you confessed... I finally understand why. I like you too, Y/n... I like you too."

Everyone who was watching the scene cheered, well, almost everyone. (the name of someone you hate) and a few of Nanami's fangirls weren't happy. You can't believe this, he actually liked you back! You pinched yourself to makek sure you weren't just dreaming and Nanami chuckled at your actions. He pulled you in a hug, and finally... he did something that made the cheering louder and something that made your face heat up, he kissed you. Not too long since he's a shy boy with romantic stuff, and your glad since you also didn't want to kiss for too long since people were watching. No words could express how you feel right now, this was truly a dream come true.

[thesophistiicate]

im not trying to act all high and mighty, im just genuinely confused by this... i truly dont understand girls who allow themselves to be put in degrading situations the same as the last anon? surely its glaringly obvious that man just wanted a body to use? i know i sound so mean but im genuinely actually confused whenever i hear or read girls talking about experiences like that i find it very hard to understand what would make them give the most undeserving men access to their bodies and souls like that... i can kind of understand if you sleep with a man for the first time and he treats you badly after but what i dont understand is going back again and again and expecting a different result. at that point maybe youre a little to blame as well? why would you even sleep with someone who youre not even in a relationship with? im just very lost i thought by now we all know better than to give just anyone our time. i see this even in my girl friends, theyre all so beautiful and intelligent yet they date terrible men that shouldnt even be allowed to breathe the same air as them and when they inevitably cheat or hurt them they genuinely get heartbroken and then they start to tell me about things the man has said to them and show me their text conversations and in my head im like "hes telling you right there in that message that he doesnt care about you..? what did you expect..?" sometimes it feels like girls get into situationships and relationships just to get themselves hurt on purpose because, and this is gonna sound so mean but i dont know how else to word this, but theres no way people can genuinely be this blind and stupid. i just find it so hard to feel sympathy for girls who numerously get shown and told theyre only being used for sex and still stick around for a different outcome. is that what love supposed to be? am i the one with the twisted understanding of love? am i missing something? i hope im not coming off as heartless or conceited, im genuinely confused i just dont know how to express or word it well

i'm happy to hold space for expressing thoughts imperfectly or even harshly, so long as we are willing to find understanding and not stay stuck in judgement 🤍 i would say the challenge for you here is learning to stay out of judgement (it is all right to acknowledge that's not how you would act, but attaching value statements and labels like 'stupid' don't help you be kind and don't help anyone else thrive either), and leaning into empathy (finding understanding when someone acts in a way you wouldn't, rather than judgement and frustration).

i say this as someone who used to be really judgemental, not to tell you off, but because it's so good for the soul to learn this growth. judgement and labels are easy, it's far more difficult to build the emotional intelligence to hold space for nuance and complexity, to extend compassion and nurture even when somebody is making imperfect decisions.

i think that you're someone with a really good level of self worth and self respect who cares about others too. that's so amazing! the best thing you can do is continue to hold your standards and lead by example. you aren't the one who has it wrong at all. healthy, respectful relationships aren't like this! keep your standards high, show your friends examples of high standards. as much as it will feel like they aren't listening, sometimes a simple, fairly neutrally toned: "wow, you deserve better" or "geez, i wouldn't put up with that" or "that's not normal" will linger and have more long-term impact than you realise.

i know it's easy to look in from the outside and say, can't you see it?! he just sucks!! or to look at the end of a crazy story and be like, girl, there was SO many red flags wtf!! (lol me at my past self!) but when you're in the middle of it, it's actually really hard. these people are master manipulators and they know how to keep their victims hooked. love bombing, mixed signals, disrespectful treatment to lower self worth... it's a wild ride inside the storm, you simply cannot see clearly because they are committed to obscuring the view.

at the core women get themselves into these situations because of low self worth. it's why i talk about it ALL THE TIME, it's SO CRUCIAL. when you don't value yourself, you put up with being disrespected. the more you are disrespected, the lower your self worth drops and the more bad treatment you accept. it's a toxic cycle. it's the exact same dynamics as in any abusive or domestic violence scenario (even if the relationships aren't abusive and he's just casually disrespectful - that is the beginning of abuse), and it's pretty well researched why women stay, how they get in those situations, why they find it difficult to leave, why the cycle keeps repeating with new partners. i'd highly recommend researching it if you want to understand it better. every woman should be educated on this topic.

you are right to some extent: if you want to get out of the cycle you do have to take responsibility for your own behaviour. you have to ask why you're accepting being treated that way. what led you there. why you are obsessing over their behaviours but not questioning your own.

but to confront all this is very difficult and painful and often related to trauma and neglect. yet another reason why so many can't escape the cycle, to face all of that can be more painful than putting up with a shitty guy who just wants sex without commitment... the crap treatment is easier to face, until it isn't.

it is a form of self-harm, a kind of self-destruction as a way a broken mind and spirit tries to cope with trauma. to end the relationship would be to limp out and finally confront how broken you are. when you stay in it you can stay delulu. it's a form of escape.

of course, to a healthy person it doesn't make sense. why would anyone ever willingly hurt themselves? and yet, it's a psychologically observable phenomenon and unfortunately the solution and path to healing is far more complex than just not doing that or getting into those situations. if only!!

but the way out DOES involve making a decision that you deserve better. which is why we need to keep talking about these things, bringing them to light, being compassionate, creating safe spaces for women in these relationships to talk about what they're experiencing without judgement, shame, being called stupid or asking for it etc 🤍

i could speak for a long time on this, but i'll leave it there for now... it's all right to not understand it. i actually think that's a good thing in a way, it means you're in a good place. but certainly if you really want to understand it, the research is there!

[themostlesbianever]

ITS THAT TIME AGAIN ALL MY 9-1-1 THOUGHTS IN ONE POST

(i forgot to do this until the tommy started talking about how his ex ran off with someone half her age)

- okay but we knew maddie would want another kid

- i predicted it

- NO WAY TOMMY DO NOT SAY IT

- TOMMY IS NOT ABBYS EX

- NO

- FUCKING

- WAY

- OH MY LORD THEY ACTUALLY DID IT

- bless you

- bless you

- damn

- OH MY LORD THERE GOES HIS INTESTINES

- hihi spilled his guts

- ahw ur shirt is ruined☹️

- hen screentime crumbs😋

- i will eat up every single hen screentime crumb i can get

- (every screentime crumb where she is at peace/happy)

- that is crazy maddie

- HOW MANY MEN SHE TURNED GAY😭😭😭

- hihi josh fishing for tea

- i love josh the gossip magnet

- oh now buck is doubting tommy

- lets not

- oh buck baby

- so i think tommy had a gf just to have one, like because of his surroundings and shit, but its good he broke it off before marriage, he definitely should have before an engagement tho

- also i just KNOW people are gonna throw shit at tommy for this and im not excited

- the dreaded c word care

- "i CARE about good sole support"- hen (i think that was the line)

- JOSH I LOVE YOU

- oh josh babe you are so right

- YES JOSH

- SINGLE HANDEDLY ENDING TOMMY HATRED

- well people are still gonna hate but like, hes so right

- tommy had it so much harder and did things to protect himself he definitely isn't proud of and now it looks bad because a lot of people dont have to do tjose things to protect themselves anymore

- "do you want me to read you a story" oh maddie i love you

- not 9-1-1 but someone is setting off HELLA fireworks and its not even fully dark yet

- i HATE fireworks, yeah theyre pretty but theyre torture for ao many wild animals AND me

- back to 9-1-1

- did it almost kill maddie??

- oh wait yes, not the pregnancy and birth but after

- oops sorry maddie

- hard times for madney😔

- STOP CHIM NO MAKING ME CRY

- uh oh maddie is worrying

- RIPPED TANK TOP EDDIE

- YOURE SO GAY EDDIE

- OMG HOT PASTOR

- FUCK BUDDIE I NEED EDDIE x HOT PASTOR

- "no offence im straight" BOY!!?!????

- no you aint

- yes father but he could be your daddy

- IM SO SORRY I CANT SAY THAT

- oh god therapy time

- yea eddie you dont feel worthy of juice

- very handsome moustache

- OH MY GOD IS EDDIES MOUSTACHE GONNA BURN OFFF??

- PLEASE PUT IT ON FIRE JUST ENOUGH SO IT CANT BE SAVED

- "do" something that makes you feel joy, how about DO a man and make some realisations about yourself babes

- WORM

- would you still love me if i was a worm

- dont be a baby man he is a baby

- jack😔

- "a billion tons" STOP THATS ADORABLE

- eddie you are NOT going down a pipe again

- YES LITTLE MAN

- whats with this season and little hero boys

- they actually put a kid down the pipe omg

- please actually save this kid my lord this is stressful

- GET HIM

- YOU CAN DO IT MILES

- WORM

- WE ARE WORMS

- BE A WORM

- HELL YEAH

- chim is 100% telling maddie he wants another kid now

- hen you are adorable oh my lord

- tommy ur so adorable

- uh oh

- UH OH

- this has got to be the hurdle

- HES THE HIMBO

- that is SO crazy

- look at them being all open and having a cute little talk

- UNTIL NOW

- IS THIS AN I LOVE YOU MOMENT??????

- ahw tommy

- WOAH

- HELLO MOVE IN YES

- MORE GAY

- oh youre doing to much buck

- so sweet

- OH

- TOMMY STOP WHAT

- it is new

- tommy youre very right actually you are his first

- tommy is actually so right because buck is moving too fast

- buck isnt ready himself like he figured out he was bi like a week ago (not literally)

- WHAT NO YOU DIDNT

- god damn it the bucktommy haters got what they wanted

- fuck off so many buddie fans are gonna be so miserable and annoying

- OH HE CALLED HIM BUCK

- i hope we get to see more tommy

- like he comes back sometimes for a rescue or for advice for chimney or something

- WOAH CHIM NO TALKING ABOUT DEATH OVER HERE

- maddies eyebrows are so expressive i love it

- OMG WE KNEW THIS

- PERGANT

- BOMB

- ahw cuties

- OMG MIRROR SCENE

- they gave us literally like everything weve been talking about

- oh eddie what are you doing

- PLEASE MAKE CHRIS COME HOME AND WALK IN ON THIS

- wait no that would mean more trauma

- this man is CRAZY

- someone has a GOT to walk in on this no?

- oh maybe buck being all sad like "my hot boyfriend broke up with me☹️"

- i really hope IF they make buddie happen they dont do it yet, maybe next season because its too soon for both of them to be dating

- no walking in but there is someone there

- eddie put on some pants man

- it is sad buck

- ☹️

- i am not excited for all those insufferable buddie fans/ bucktommy haters to come and hate on tommy for every single line he said

[stilljuststardust]

Heyyy! It’s parrot again! And today I have two related questiones!

Both have to do with the information that all one needs to do to manifest is desire and live in the imagination/daydream.

1: if kids often truly believe the things they are playing or imagining to be real how come they don’t accidentally manifest them?

2: i daydream pretty much constantly and have been affirming out the wazoo and i am going to continue persisting and believing and all that jazz, but i have yet to see the results in the 3D(i am confident they will come; im just getting a lil impatient lol)

Thanksssss! Have a nice day :3

Hi parrot!

1:

Children can manifest, sometimes they do (I did). However, they don't usually manifest their play pretend because on some level they do know its just that, pretend. I remember having tons of crazy beliefs as a kid but my mindset was almost always "if I wish really hard maybe it will be true" instead of actually assuming so. So, unfortunately, I didn't get a pokemon on my birthday.

Children aren't stupid and I do believe that they know they're playing pretend.

However, there were times I did apply the law as a child.

This story is humiliating but whatever, I was a child.

When I was a kid I was really into lip sync battles (now an source of intense shame lmao) and every damn day I practiced because I was CONVINCED it was going to happen at some point for me.

When we were leaving town to meet my grandparents in a more populated area I was like, welp this is it, clearly I'm going to do it now. My mother was like, why do you keep talking about that I promise you there aren't any where we're going.

I didn't listen because I knew she was wrong. We arrive and immediately go out for dinner to a random restaurant, we walk in and in big neon letters a sign says "lip sync battle next door".

My mom literally thought I was crazy the entire week leading up because she had no idea why I was so adamant that when we got there I would be in one.

Why did this manifest and my pokemon didn't? Because when I was practicing for it I did it as if it was real. I knew it was going to happen and I didn't even stop to think about when or how all I knew was I should have a song ready.

I didn't budge because I knew I had it. I knew it was going to happen no matter what.

I wasn't day dreaming, I was practicing. I wasn't hoping, I was commanding.

2:

I know many people refer to the 4D as "imagination" but this doesn't mean play pretend or day dreaming, what they mean is your internal world.

Yes as a child I was imagining it happened but I did so from the assumption that what I was imagining HAD to happen. I didn't consider it play pretend I considered it practice.

People literally thought I was dumb but I didn't stop to consider there opinion because I knew it was mine.

When you imagine the image of what you want don't think "I hope I'll get this" think "I already have this"

I think we often unconsciously undermine ourselves because we're still thinking as if it isn't here.

Asking where it is or telling yourself it's not here yet are still affirming against it.

Affirmations are just thoughts you repeat, if you're ALSO repetitively thinking against what you want then you are ALSO affirming against it.

Think as if you have already manifested it, as if having it is cold hard fact. Yes it may feel unnatural at first but that doesn't matter.

In my story from before, I didn't ever stop to wonder why I hadn't been in one yet because I knew that it was happening no matter what so timing was irrelevant to me.

Think about who you'd be if you had it, how you'd see the world, what you would think, then think as that version of you.

Personally I like to ground before I do anything because it helps me to think of it as real.

Take a look at these, i think they'll help you:

Mental diets aren't just getting rid of negative thoughts

This one's really good

Loa checklist

[thevulturesquadron]

THAT LATEST EPISODEEEE

Okay okay I have many thoughts and I apologise if this is gonna end up very incoherent and disjointed but I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE AHHHHH

You know what the episode did very well (the writers, man)? Make the audience feel like they're taking crazy pills. There's this almost cognitive dissonance from the rest of the squad (Charles esp) with the way they say and behave because as Rogue stated "none of you were there". This is SO good in showcasing that you can be as understanding as you want, be literally a part of the same group... and STILL it's not enough because you didn't have the (in this case unfortunate) exact experience. The previous episode is a great addendum to this. The rest of humanity's (majorly the big wigs of course but you get what i mean) scared and at worst callous and apathetic reaction to the genocide. They're not scared because of what happened to those mutants, they're scared because of what Magneto would do in retaliation. Cooper is another example of how much actual experience can wholly change a person. She's not a mutant... but she was THERE. Erik and Rogue were there... right in the middle of it. How does anyone expect SOMETHING to not happen. You know who else saw what happened? Us, the audience. The latest episode felt frustrating and cathartic in the best way. It felt like decades of repressed righteous anger spilling in the most messiest manner, but it's OUT there. It needed to be said. Rogue's rant at the group before joining Erik, Erik's iconic "SHUT UP" line (yo lemme tell you istg i said the EXACT thing after that drivel Charles said). That's another thing that was so well done. Showcasing that no matter how well meaning Charles is... sometimes it feels like the dude's not LISTENING (Erik talks about watching a child be eviscerated in front of his very eyes, and I feel like all he's getting from others is an 'aw im sorry thoughts and prayers now can you please CHILL out') and does need this slap in the face. And the consequences keep piling up (the last big thing being what happened to Logan). Nothing will ever be normal and it's sad and scary and I'm very much looking forward to what comes next.

On a small note, showing how Roberto's decision was unsure with him trying to apologise to Jubilee and then his shocked reaction at her not wanting to hear him was so sad. It truly felt like a boy who only realised how massive of a consequence he's facing but just wanting his friend back.

I'm pretty sure I had more things to say and a more thoughtful way of saying them but anyway... 10/10. VERY ANGERING AND FANTASTIC. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE LAST EP!!!

HI!!! ✨SAME!! 💜💜💜💜 thanks for coming in kicking the door down and shouting my way cause I needed that!! My brain has been stuck on a loop with the events in E9.

I love, love, love this episode exactly because of the strong emotions it made me go through. To see the division, to see where everyone stands, to see what matters most to them: what they are going through or an ideal? It. Was. So. Good! It was skin itching to see it at the same time. Each episode has continued to take me by surprise and go beyond my expectations.

I love how well the writers have been able to portray the difference between people who have been through horrible events, and those who have seen them ‘on screen’. Remember in episode 7 when Amelia said 'a survivor is the last thing I’d wanna be.’? Now it resonates even more than ever. It’s poetry. And yes, Cooper isn’t just someone who ‘saw it Magneto’s way’. No. She was one of the perpetrators caught in the middle.

So that when Scott goes around saying ‘Magneto is responsible for this.’ When Wolverine is out for blood - it should make you angry cause it feels like the crimes that Bastion has orchestrated are secondary to the X-men's agenda of 'righting a wrong'. Bastion is just a battle, another villain they need to defeat. But the call was coming from inside the house all along.

I’ve seen people online saying that this episode did Magneto dirty. But I think it’s the opposite. Magneto had always been capable of awful things in his pain and anger, but that’s not the point the writers are trying to make. The name of the episodes is ‘Tolerance is extinction’ - the whole point is to put the viewer in the uncomfortable position of understanding Magneto’s anger, but knowing his actions have big consequences, all the while making you lose your mind at how backwards and ignorant Charles' side seems. People are dying because ultimately his dream is more important than the people the dream is made for. And Rogue and Magneto are calling him out on it. The beauty of it is that Charles is preaching an ethical way where everyone matters, but how entitled and arrogant he must come across when everyone else around him is just ‘sacrifices he is willing to make’ for the sake of an ideal. It’s beautiful and awful that the cry for battle and survival is coming from the mouth of those that have nothing left but violence in them, while the champions of the just offer shackles and tell those that suffer to endure more for the greater good.

Yes this episode is supposed to make people angry and confused. And I think it succeeds.

If there is one less positive thing to say about the show, it's the pacing. You can feel that they were forced to put everything in just 10 episodes because there are a lot of moments throughout the show that are either missing or rushed. (For ex. in this last episode I would have liked to have scene with Rogue and Roberto on Asteroid M, in a similar fashion to what we got for the two X-men squads; just a glimpse at how things are impacting them instead of immediately seeing them in a 'villain guards' roles.) But I am not going to hold it against the show; from what they've delivered it reads a lot like cuts that they needed to live with.

[raineyana]

What is your normal grocery list? I’m about to be living at a dorm and I am looking for stuff to stock up on, I can’t really keep frozen foods though

i actually dont even cook all that much so i dont keep a lot of frozen foods either. this is my regular list when i go, usually weekly.

FASTING FOODS

okay so youre probably like. raine you arent supposed to eat anything when you fast. hear me out bc this is how i consistently fast a 20-4 schedule everyday, with a lot less binges than before, AND getting all of the benefits of fasting. and yeah, i still binge from time to time, but my binges are far less because my stomach actually cannot handle being fed over 1000 calories anymore, especially not all at once.

these are my ESSENTIALS so theyre pretty much the only things i consistently buy weekly.

cucumbers

chicken broth (0cal kind)

seaweed snacks

pickled ginger

tea (any, but i like trying new flavors ! my favorite is lemon ginger because it helps digestion, and green tea because it speeds up your metabolism. also a lot healthier than diet coke with the same amount of caffeine, also less likely to spike your blood sugar and kick you out of ketosis- which will make your cravings for food much worse)

...dont get me wrong i couldnt live without diet coke. but sometimes ill go for the healthier option.

why i eat these foods while i fast

these are foods that have extremely low cals and carbs (like less than 2 grams per/serving) so they wont kick you out of ketosis (which is the major benefit to fasting, where your body burns fat at a higher rate). when youre in ketosis, your body stops sending you as many cravings, which is why sometimes it feels easier to fast 24 hours after you last ate as opposed to 3 hours.

because i spend the majority of my time fasting, (and i would never be able to do that without these foods) i go through these items pretty quick.

but otherwise i only have to buy other healthy foods on a biweekly or even monthly basis, because i wont eat them as fast ! heres some things i rotate through depending on how sick of them i am lol.

regular food

built bars - essential for me. tons of protein, less sugar than other bars, and relatively low cal.

somebody on here introduced me to these and im soo glad they did. i dont remember who but if youre seeing this ilysm.

tuna creations packets - rly good for on the go, tons of flavors, lots of protein so they're really filling for only being 70-90cals depending on the flavor

blueberries + apples - so hard to over eat these two items, plus fiber

rice cakes - self explanatory

pistachios or sunflower seeds - great for curbing hunger, but im a little sick of them rn

a low cal air popped popcorn - i forget which brand i have rn, but its pretty good and has a lot of fiber.

chobani yogurt + yogurt protein drinks (50cal) - the fact that these r 50cals amaze me for how good they taste. the yogurt drinks are my favorite bc theres actually a shit ton of protein and taste pretty good without actually having to make myself a protein shake. the cookies and cream and peaches and cream are my favorites ive tried. good for breaking a fast with.

thats all i can think of atm ! sry for the fucking essay i hope this was a little helpful at least.

typing this out manically made me realize im a little crazy. i cant say with my whole chest that you should listen to me and my d1sordered thoughts, but i think everyone on here knows that already so... uh

please be kind to yourselves. take ur vitamins (even while fasting) i genuinely love you all every one of you fucked up bitches like me.

goodnight <3

[softhairedhotch]

DUDEEEE HELLO??:!:!::&: PLEASE I LOVE YOU, YOUR WONDERFUL BRAIN N UR RESPONSES???!! like sometimes i think damn my thoughts r sooooo filthy i wonder if anyone would even feel the same like am i crazy :-///.... THEN UR REPLIES JUST FUELS ME EVEN MORE ARGHRHHHHH LIKE??? im so glad we have the same brain like damn... i love talking abt him hehe rly.. thank u for entertaining my thoughts n making it even more amazing <333 also i hope u are feeling better now!!! 🫂🫂 tbh i feel the same bc the idea of aaron has made me feel better so many times n it's years since i started liking him :-(((( fr i never ever regret starting this show n falling in love w him 😭😭😭

"imagine just sitting there with him fully inside you, tie in your mouth, head on his broad shoulder, one of his big warm hands occasionally rubbing up and down your back as you hear the other write away" ‼️‼️‼️ PLEASEEEE omfg he'd feel so good and he'd make you feel sooooo safe 😭😭😭 i need this so badly . being on his lap would literally make all the painful noisy thoughts in your head go silent because all you can think about and feel is him <3333 though i don't know how i'd be able actually to be quiet n not be reduced into a whimpering mess because GODDDDDD HE'S JUST SOOOO..... my god. if u do turn this into a fic i'd probably be reading it 9784953 times n manifesting it to appear in my dreams 🙏🙏

and OOOOOFFFFFFFFF cannot decide if i would want him to make a mess all over me and use his thick fingers to scoop it up and shove it into my mouth or have him cum deep in my throat ! 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 like man.... the idea of messy wet sex drives me insane like having him a panting sweaty mess 🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️ n downright filthy cum eating . like my thoughts abt it are ENDLESS n its literally a can of worms im afraid of opening-- AWOEKFJFKEKD thinking abt that episode when aaron jumps into a lake to chase an unsub n he comes out of the water all WET N THE WATER DRIPPING DOWN HIS SKIN??? I CANT REMEMBER WHAT EPISODE IT IS BUT I THINK U KNKW WHAT IM REFERRING TO???

omfggggg when he's ruthlessly riding you and jerking himself off, his chest would get soooo red and it'll feel soo nice to run your fingers down his body and literally worship every inch of him 😵‍💫 he'd look soooo pretty with little marks over his chest as you shower him with praises... thinking about praising aaron HEEEEHEHEH he'd get sooo shy n flustered the first few times but slowly he'd get used to it and literally bask in the attention n praises 😭😭

my god n i must say u rly perfected his voice n what he would say......i swear my love for aaron not only solidified my kink for suits but also... voice 😵‍💫😵‍💫🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️ like it makes me think how he'd react the first time when he realised how much power he has over you just from his voice and words alone.... like first he'd be confused why your reaction sometimes gets a lil funny but then his expression darkens when finally he realises. but he likes building up material to tease you later on so he doesn't really point it out at first but just has an amused smile.

then imagine one night being on a phone call with him as he just talks about his day and that it's pretty late at night so his voice starts getting huskier bc he's tired.... and he's just rambling about something unrelated but you feel the heat crawling up your neck because he just sounds so good . you can't help but clench your thighs and swallow your saliva. then he asks you a question but you're SO distracted that you miss it and when you finally answer him, your voice shakes. he goes silent before breaking into a low laugh because he recognises that tone of voice and picks up your breathing. "oh my, baby... i don't even need to see your face to know what's up. here am i trying to tell you about my day... but you just can't help yourself, hm? ...pathetic."

YEAHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭

- 🤲

AHHHHHHHHHH SDJFHSJDF THANK YOU hehehehehe n YEAH I GETCHA, I BE THINKING "oh GOD what if what i say is too weird???" n then you get back to me with basically the SAME THING AHHHHH i'm sooo happy we be thinking the same thoughts LMAO. and thank you sm <33

YESSSSS HE'D MAKE YOU FEEL SO SAFE FR <333 i wanna sit on his lap soooo so so much, god it'd be so good. i would love to write it as a fic tbh but i just have sooooo much to work on already UGHHH why is writing so hard and time-consumingggggg

REALLLLL I WANT BOTH !!! n oPEN THAT CAN OF WORMS RN CUM EATING IS SOOOOOOOO HOT I SWEAR DDSKFSK AHHHHH AND YES YES YE S I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SCENE YOU'RE REFERENCING

OUGHHH HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL FUCKKK

yessss he'd looook so pretty riding youuu <33 all red and sweaty and a whimpering panting mess oughhh i love it i love him sm n yessssss i wanna praise him sooo bad. like if you praised him he just WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO but then as he gets used to it, he loooooves it and craves it ough

hehe thank you!! N YEAH VOICE KINK AND SUIT KINK GO BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 🤭🤭 he'd get sooooo cocky knowing he has sm control over you oughhh and he'd be so proud of himself knowing he can get you to do almost anything with just his voice n pretty face

STOPPPP I'VE HAD THE EXACT SAME IDEA AND STARTED IT AS A FIC ONCE BUT NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT KSDFJK i loooooooove the idea of calling him on a case and he's just like. tired but tryna talk n his voice is sooooo deep and gravelly and it sounds so hot (bc sleepy/morning voices might be one of the best things in existence <33) and he notices you trailing off your sentences and stuttering a bit and going quiet and he just KNOWS what he's doing to you and he teases you relentlessly <33 he'd either get you all hot and bothered n then tell you that you gotta be patient and wait til he gets home orrrrrr he'll go "do you think you can show me how much of an effect i have on you, sweetheart?" and when you send him a pic he'd hum in appreciation and tell you how pretty/handsome you are and how he's gonna make you feel real good when he gets home but for now he's gonna talk you through making yourself feel good <33 maybe you can hear him letting out cute lil moans as he tells you how he wants you to touch yourself and your stomach drops when you realise he's getting off on it too and you ask him to send a pic of himself and he does and he looks sooooo good <33

also i gotta ask,,, how do you feel about daddy kinks LMAOOO bc i haven't thought about it much relating to aaron lately tbh but when i first got into him two years ago, all i could think was him saying stuff like "let daddy make you feel good, hm?" or "you wanna touch daddy?" n stuff like that,, are you into that?? i'm leaning more toward softer aaron n bottom aaron lately but godddd soft daddy dom aaron is soooooooo <333

[tsururoach]

EXCUSE ME I RECENTLY DISCOVERED VOCALOIDS AND IMMEDIATELY FELL IN LOVE WITH OLIVER /p

thank you for blessing us with ur Oliver art <3 he needs more love fr. and more happy songs.

i just got here so im not sure if you've mentioned it before, but do you have a fav Oliver song? :3

I'm glad you like my art of him! I've been drawing him for 9-ish years now, but it's always nice to hear other fans of his also like my art! I don't actually talk to a lot of Oliver fans haha.

I always really really admired Dappleback/Lawlietlk's designing skill, and I had a whole presentation how much I appreciated his character design and how it lead back into why I think as a vocaloid he has one of the best designs.

Like don't get me wrong, Vocaloid (and other synths) have really good designs, just sometimes they aren't necessarily as good as Vocaloid designs y'know?

Like hear me out, I feel like the biggest appeal of vocaloid mascots is this: They can be whatever you want. Now on one hand you can argue that 'no mascot' is even Moreso freedom and should have worked better than mascot, but what's missing is the intrigue. There is a breeding ground of creativity hidden beneath restriction.

Like, often enough what people need most in order to create something is just a guideline, and for me that's what Oliver offers. Like, sometimes, too much canon is a bad thing, and people need to remember that.

The #1 selling point of Oliver's design is the intrigue his design offers. There's so much of it that once changed loses that 'space of expression.' And yet, no matter how much you are able to change, he also is able to maintain that 'constant' that lets you know that yes, that is still him, even if you change it. I don't have it anymore but it's been years, but I had a whole chart explaining it.

Over the years Oliver has gotten a lot of motifs and concepts assigned to him, that only derive from smaller aspects of his designs, for example: His bandages.

While you may argue it's not entirely unique, that is exactly the beauty of it. It's because of that so many different concepts stem from it.

One of the biggest themes correlated with Oliver is a monster/horror theme and you have the bandages to thank for it. The amount of concepts I've seen born from the sheer mystery of his bandages were so vast it's crazy. Whether it's because he's a cryptid/monster/cursed or otherwise, people are forced to make an effort to use that "why?"

And on the flip side, there is other mysteries people find from his bandages that aren't horror, they're instead going for something else: A poor waif, a vigilante, a witch, and etc. Through the simple [why], Oliver becomes limitless.

And while we're still discussing his bandages, there is elsewhere you can find beauty in his design. I know a lot of his fans are or were children when they became fans of him, and I know for a fact that some of them related to his design. It's not like he had much to go against them in thinking that-- and it's not just because of his song. For me as a child I projected onto him as a (character) as someone I could relate to. That's uh, probably why a lot of people tend to use him for horror or darker stuff. I know that some people are... unsavory, but that's why I don't really like when people hate on horror content made from him. I know a lot of people are weird about him, but it's a form of self-expression all the same.

Even aside from his bandages, his design still manages to offer intrigue. While Miku allows herself to be a blank canvas (being a mascot with very little ties, a digital idol who represents exactly that) Oliver is more like... a puzzle? Except there is no wrong answer and every time you put it together, it's always different.

There was a lot of misconceptions around his design, but Oliver was based off choirboy outfits-- not that everyone knew that. A lot of people interpreted it as a sailor outfit with nautical themes. That's why you can often see Oliver with sea-themed artworks or songs and/or if it's still around, sea-side waif depictions of him. But on the other side, there were quite a few interpretations of Oliver as a time-traveler- a noble- or hell: a literal bird boy.

Had he been given a more generic design, a more modern one, a more idol-esque version of himself, most of these interpretations of him would not exist. There would be less incentive for people to create that answer without the "why."

I don't really have a proper ranking on a more 'objective' ranking of designs as vocaloid specific mascot designs, but I feel like it's somewhat similar to... actual popularity?

Like... If i had to separate them, there's three categories in a venn diagram: Just straight up Good design (though I'd argue a lot of the other two would still fit in here), Fill-in the blank design, and blank canvas design.

I would say the OG Miku fits in all 3 categories but has been erring into just good design or her own category: too engrained into pop culture to fail.

Fukase is a good example of a Fill-in design, because he also has the classic "why" to his design. (Why is his coat like that? why does he have scars? is he human? is he a robot? Is he circus themed? Who knows?) You can see a lot of exploration of his character through that.

Vflower I feel like is primarily in the blank canvas design, because she more-so encompasses a certain fashion style and is able to attract the blank canvas of gender expression as well.

At the moment, to be honest, I can't really think of someone who only fit's in the straight up good character design but doesn't offer any mystery or fluidity, but that might just be my personality.

To be entirely clear, this venn diagram is probably closer to just a single circle instead of 3, but I'm mostly talking about which part of their design they align most with. (and the most common consensus of how to interpret them.

To be honest this is probably why I feel a bit like a Fake Oliver fan, bc I care more about his design more than his voicebank itself. (Sweats as I look at the vocaloid editor on my computer)

Man. Favorite Oliver song is tough.

Favorite Usage

I'll only be mentioning the publicly released songs using him, since it's a bit unfair if I recommend you something you either have no access to or I'm unable to find again.

To be honest I'm not a huge fan of some of Oliver's most known producers, mostly because I know they're not great people and refuse to support them. It's none of my business if you still listen to them, but I'd rather not. But, It's nice going down my old masterlist of Oliver originals.

I really like Rawbeans-P, if you ever heard her usage of Oliver, it's crazy stunning. Probably some of the best usage of him you'll ever hear.

Cat in a raincloud I know is relatively popular among my friends that I've pushed Robyn's music onto.

I feel like high up there is also Corasundae, who is honestly has a pretty refreshing (?) song-making style. I'm really not a music guy- meaning I never learnt a lot of terms properly and can't describe a lot of things to you, but I really like the general sound that corasundae uses in her works.

I think T.V.V.S is a pretty iconic song, but I'm emotionally attached to Other Side.

One of the songs I see people rarely talking about is Requiescat in Pace- I get it's probably because it's an older song, but I've always liked how it sounded and was a staple for me as a kid (and still fairly fresh into Vocaloid.) I don't think PARADIGM really released much else, but this song is sooo cool, I think about it a lot!

I'm not sure if you don't like horror, or just disappointed that it's a majority of his songs, but I don't think it's leaning too much into horror? It's really good though!

Another one of my favorite Vocaloid producers (the one I bought a keychain from as well!) is Veran Kuriensu! I found them originally from their original Lay, and it's possibly still one of my favorite Vocaloid Oliver Originals still to this day. While it's my favorite, I do know that they've improved drastically and their other works with Oliver is crazy good, but Lay has a special spot to me and makes me feel especially Nostalgic.

I've always liked how the lyrics sounded as well. I think otherwise my second favorite song from them is 星をあつめに. It's really good I Promise. Please please do give their stuff a chance!!

I feel like another producer I'd recommend for similar reasons to Rawbeans-P is Baggagelizard. He's always forever been kind of a legend to me! He's a super cool guy, and he has really good usage of Oliver's voicebank as well. One of my favorite songs he's done is Song for the forgotten, which was even my Oliver Collab piece back in like... 2016? That's honestly a bit crazy to me seeing how long it's been.

Baggagelizard tends to have such a special sound to the music he makes, I think it's kind of... a morose wistfulness? If you're into this one, I genuinely hope you check out his other works as well!

Actually I'm adding this one, because I really like the atmosphere of it! It's called Tavern and it's a really fun song using Big Al, Oliver, and Kaito and I think it's such a fun song! Apparently other Oliver fans I've recommended it said it wasn't their cup of tea though (′д｀σ)σ.

OH and how could I forget: Childhood Bye-Bye is honestly borderline a classic for me! I think it's a really iconic song, but it always surprises me that it's not as popular as I think it is. The producers other works are also really good!

Oooh, another Producer I can recommend is Compasscat! They use Uni, SeeU, and sometimes Oliver (maybe other vocaloids but I'm actually writing this in class (lol). You should try checking them out! I think I enjoyed it but I've been told the things I like are... different from how other people like things.

Actually, on the thought of not-so dark songs using Oliver, I hardly see any Oliver fans (or Yohioloid) fans talking about Yellow Card. I hadn't listened to it for years, but I still think it's pretty fun to this day, you could try checking it out if you feel like it. While we're at it, I'll add a bunch of special mentions for songs I knew were fairly liked enough when I was deeper into vocaloid but never see people talk about anymore as well. To be honest, I'd have a lot more to add to this list, but a lot of Oliver Originals I really liked are deleted or missing.... I understand it's at the producer's own discretion, but it's a little sad.

Unfortunately, A lot of the Bilibili/Niconico songs that I really liked were deleted or really really hard to access/find, but I'll reblog if I find them again.

[sturnioloblogs]

Socs

Fem!reader x the outsiders gang!

Summary: You go for a walk, but will happen?

A/n: holy shit I am so sorry I have not been on here in months. That’s actually kind of crazy but I have recently been getting into the outsiders and I absolutely love them so this is a random fic about them… feel free to read or don’t I don’t really care. Also if you want more like this just request.

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“Y/N! SUPPER!” Darry called my name from the kitchen. It was a mild night, not too cold not too warm, just the perfect temperature.

I jumped up from by bed to go eat supper, man i was hungry. Us greasers don’t eat in the cafeteria at school- or eat at all, stupid socs make fun of us and we honestly can’t be bothered to deal with their shit.

The dark beaten up hardwood floor was cold on my bare feet, which made me feel all tingly inside.

I turned the corner to the dinning room to find the whole gang here eating supper. Usually Johnny would eat at our house since his parents couldn’t care enough about him, but of corse he was always welcome at ours. Me and Ponyboy were the closest to Johnny out of the whole gang- well besides from Dally but he was older than us.

“Oh hey y’all” I said, sitting at the head of the table was Darry, and across from him was Twobit. There was an empty seat next to Ponyboy, which he probably left for me. We always sit next to eachother. Since we are twins it sometimes feels like we are the same person, but not exactly but close enough. And everyone knew that nothing could get between me and him, but of course we would fight we are siblings after all.

“Hey y/n, how was school?” Soda asked me with a soft smile. “It was alright you know the usual” I replied. Man did i ever hate school, always wanted to get outa that hellhole. I’ve only mentioned dropping out once to Darry, let me tell you one thing. It did not got well at all.

The soft chatter of talking was always nice to me, i never liked the silence, especially at dinner time.

“Darry can i got on a walk after supper? Please?” I asked. Everyone knew i loved walks, but they were dangerous at night, especially on a Friday. But i asked anyway.

“God y/n no, it’s too dangerous” Darry said with a straight face.

“Please i will bring my blade with me, i just need to clear my head” that was partially true, I had a lot on my mind recently and needed to let out some built-up stress.

“You are only going if one of the boys go with you!” Darry raised his voice. Now everyone had stopped eating to watched the scene that was going on at the dinner-table. It wasn’t uncommon for me and Darry to get into screaming matches, but right now i don’t even want to try.

The whole gang is very protective over me. I guess because im the only girl and well i’m not that big either. Only 5’1 and roughly 95lbs. Considering Darry Dallas and all the other Socs were well over 6ft it was a little scary not being to big.

“Ugh Darry please??! I don’t want anyone to go with me, i’ll only walk up the street and around the block” i Pleaded.

“Fine! just go, I’m not getting into another fight with you again.” He rolled his eyes. I gave him a small ‘thank you’, and got up from my seat to put the dishes in the sink.

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I had only been walking for about 5 minutes when i heard a loud “GREASER!!!” from behind me, i glanced over my shoulder. A blue mustang driving fairly fast towards me. Well oh shit.

I started speed waking, well almost sprinting now, hoping they’d lose interest or just wonder off somewhere else.

Before i could even think or process what was happening, i was ripped from my train of thought by someone coming up from behind me and pushing me to the wet concrete road. I couldn’t figure out how many there was but it was somewhere between 3-5.

I grounded and rolled over in pain before I felt a harsh punch to my left cheek. Screaming in pain, Warm liquid was oozing out of my nose. They were drunk. I could smell the awful smell of cheap alcohol on their breaths.

As they still had a hold of me another punch came out of nowhere, a brutal strike that slammed into my gut like a sledgehammer. Air whooshed from my lungs, and I tried to curl up into a ball, the sharp pain spreading through my ribs like wildfire. Laughter rang out around me, their voices rough and mocking, as one of them grabbed my shirt and yanked me upright. My vision blurred, but I caught a glimpse of their faces. Another punch followed, this time to my cheek- again and I tasted blood as my knees buckled. The ground felt cold and unforgiving beneath me, I clenched my fists, trying to steady the spinning world around me.

In the distance I heard a faint “Hey get the fuck away from her!!” It was the gang.

All the socs scurried away into the blue Mustang and drove off with a screech.

“H-holy shit! Help her!” Twobit yelled? I think it was him, I was still sorta out of it so i wasn’t completely sure who i was hearing.

Next thing i know i’m being shook slightly by Darry and sodapop. “Y/n? Can you hear me?” Darry asked trying to stop the blood from pouring out of my nose with his jacket. I slightly opened my eyes and above me i saw a spinning Darry Sodapop and Dallas. and the night sky.

“D-darry?” I coughed out and rolled to my side only to spit out the metallic taste of liquid. “Woah woa take it easy, it’s okay we’re here now..” Soda said while patting my back gently.

I got scooped up by Darry before everything going black.

When i starting to wake up again i heard faint whispers around me, and shuffling around.

I growned and slowly opened my eyelids to find 4 figures standing over me.

“Guys guys she’s waking up!” Ponyboy exclaimed.

I sat up quickly, almost to fast because i all of a sudden i felt a throbbing pain in my head and felt onto my back.

“Geez y/n take it easy don’t get up!” Soda said. Then everything came flooding back to my memory. The socs, getting jumped, and the pain.

“ay shit, it hurts” I said while a few stray tears fell down my face. I mean at least i was laying on the couch- not the cold concrete that i was recently laying on.

“Well i bet, you got jumped by a bunch of Socs. I told you to not go! but of corse you did anyway.” Darry said walking towards my head. I honestly couldn’t reply i was so fed up with everything i didn’t care.

“Darry give her a damn break!” Thankfully Soda stood up and said something for me. He always did.

[pettyprocrastination]

Abby x reader head canons?

I will say may not be the best representation for her character because I've only watched (many) play troughs and not played the game yet cause I no longer have my play station :( but I am absolutely horrendously down bad for her ngl so here we go (also abby is closeted wlw in this sorry guys)

warnings: repressed sapphic feelings, gets a little sexual at the ending but nothing major, jealousy, mostly just fluff here cause im easing myself into her character

I feel like she's not particularly into pda? not anything egregious but she'll have an arm around you is enough, maybe a hand in the back pocket to give you a lil bum squeeze but even that's pushing it. She doesn't want to be obnoxious like *those* couples (she does actually) but she wants people to know your hers.

connecting to this I feel like she gets jealous pretty easily. Not from a place of seeing you as property but from her own insecurities and worrying that you'll find somebody "better" which means sometimes she'll give a snide little comment when you've been hanging out with somebody else that makes you pull back and go "excuse me?" often leading to her either talking herself into a corner or going silent and passive aggressive until your able to pull the truth out of her, often times after the anger has fizzled out hours later and she slips into your room with a soft mumbled apology when you tell you that you love her and only her but that doesn't mean she gets to be an asshole to you for it. (she makes it up to you though. all night long in fact)

braid her hair. please braid her hair. It's a small sign of love that makes her go absolutely crazy. The feeling of your nails gently scritching her scalp has her stretching out like a cat in a sunbeam on a lazy sunday afternoon. She'll set her head in your lap while you undo the braid and run your fingers through her soft locks until she slowly drifts off to sleep because she just feels so at peace with you that she's comfortable letting her guard down and falling asleep

even if you have very short hair, you probably end up wearing one of her hair ties on your wrists because she tends to lose them + its a little part of her to keep by your side :') (i will say its interesting that in the show, it seems like ellie keeps her hair tied back with a hairtie that seems to have been cut, so she has to wrap it around and then tie a knot which makes sense because i'd gather that elastic isn't that easy to come across post apocalypse yknow. I think it'd be cute if you like. found a scrunchie or smthn for her that even though its not her style she's still wear it cause its a gift from you :'))

that being said? i imagine after everything she's been through she's a pretty light/paranoid sleeper so if you slip from the bed for any reason be ready to see her padding after you, squinted eyes and grumbling with sleep still in her voice as she mumbles 'where you goin'?' because babygirl woke up without you by her side and it caused her to panic :(

confident in her body. She's worked hard on her physique and she knows you enjoy it, so don't be surprised to see her not-so-subtlety flex if she catches you eyeing her up. You'll roll your eyes at her peacocking but it doesn't stop that lovesick smile from growing on your face that makes her feel all giddy. Bunch of goofballs in love right here <3

idk why but she gives me a bit closeted energy growing up. I feel like she probably got plenty of shit for being a tomboy and she gives me the energy of those girls who are like "women can be masculine and straight you know >:(" but so incredibly gay lmao (knew countless gals like this god bless them all) but yeah she'll huff and puff because just because she's not girly doesn't mean she's gay but also likes it when you sleep in her bed and you guys tell stories and fall asleep in eachothers arms, sometimes she'll stay awake so she can watch how peaceful you are and maybe maybe think about kissing you and how soft your body would feel in her hands and the little noises you'd make and that makes her feel something owen never did. but yknow. she's still super straight

[stonerskinny]

why does alcohol have so many cals 😭

weighed at 277 just now, it really is crazy what a single 💩 and a nap will do for you LMAO

now do i want to risk ruining that w alc and possible binging or do i just go back 2 sleep and be good

i’m 22hrs into this fast meaning if i skip going out and having fun i can take my sleep meds and probably get to 36hrs easy but i can also see the scenario where they just don’t kick in and i end up binging anyway plus i just was aiming for 18hrs

ugh why are there so many ways this could go

the switch is flipping actively, i think. who knew i just needed to get out of the cycle for a night.

i feel like i have something to prove. which i hesitate to admit, but it’s true. apparently when all your friends are restricters and your entire ed is just you failing at restricting, theres some interesting shame stuff that comes up LOL sometimes i just feel like a lazy gross piece of shit compared to everyone in my life because i am like this unhinged fucking glutton and everyone else has the discipline i’d commit war crimes to have

i feel like a wannarexic sometimes which i basically am

i just want to do something right and the only thing i care about is this which i am royally terrible at. sometimes it’s like all i know how to do is eat, doesn’t matter that i purge because im so big.

you know i’m gonna have to lose just over 2/3 my body weight to get to where i wanna be. that’s a lot of fucking weight and there’s no way i end up without loose skin so basically im fucked if i lose to where i wanna be, and fucked if i go crazy and decide to recover because i’ll still be huge. maybe if i actually worked out i wouldn’t end up w so much loose skin or if i did this slowly but slowly pisses me off because my brain is all about that instant gratification

the longer i’m awake the more i want to binge fuck

but i know i will regret it. i knowwwww i will. because ill feel bloated and ill gain and it’ll fucking suck. or ill purge, one of the two. there’s no excuse for it though. this body does not need food, it has PLENTY of natural resources to live on lmao.

i wish i didn’t most likely have the hellscape combo of hypothyroidism + PCOS which both individually make weight loss hard and weight gain so easy. but at the same time i can’t erase my failure by crying about genetics, if i really wanted to get there i’d already have gotten there long ago so now im just wasting everyone’s time.

can u tell the suicidality came back so strong tonite lol

i wonder how many ppl actually read these monstrosities that i write. how many ppl actually absorb my thoughts. trippy

sometimes i think i don’t actually have an eating disorder at all because i am just so inconsistent with anything besides binging. which i know is its own ed but let my silly little rat brain have its moment.

also apparently i literally sleep like the dead bc my hr was 40 when i was sleeping earlier so that’s fun no wonder i wake up feeling like a fucking corpse every day

okay that’s all for now i’ll spare y’all the rest of my brain while i lay here and mentally debate the pros and cons of both trazodone and tequila

[inkbedou]

L1X14N - ADS!Lix

and finally, also made by me, we got ADS!Lix; L1X14N!

a quite literally perfect android fighter tasked to protect the humans in the Invincible II and their colony. although maybe 'perfect' isnt the right word...

more info about him under the read more!

is an android!! look at the robot go!!

very quiet, kinda nonchalant and standoffish but never in a cool guy type way, more like aloof, i guess? his brain is full of elevator music

has emotions, and he can detect he has them but not really what they are or mean

like i put in the ref sheet, i imagined he'd like making music with music pads or midi fighters, but of course only when he has time

ok, so i might have gone a little crazy with this one but HEAR ME OUT

i imagined that if he were to be a part of the story, that in some alternate universe L1X would realize that all the wormhole buisness happens because of Engineer. and as his job is literally to ensure the safety of the colonists, he decides to jump into the wormhole looking for Engie. this chase would get more and more frustrating tho, as L1X can find many Marks but not Engineer, and stresses as the more time he takes to find Engie, the more that the colonists will be hurt/traumatized. not to mention the betrayal, i mean, L1X would probably think that Engie meant what he was doing. In the end tho, i imagine that he wouldnt have a big part in the ending (i like that the captain and Engie have their moment), but that after all of it got resolved that he'd still remember everything that happened, so i guess more trauma for the poor android :(

his cat companion is a white oriental shorthair named Sequilho! sequilhos are brazilian cookies, i have this vid from Dylan B Hollis that shows the recipe, its so simple i should really try them sometime :D https://www.youtube.com/shorts/9rPCwLZ42Kg (recipe video)

and poor L1X is completely in love with this cat. if it sits on his lap he feels so much emotion towards it he cant bring himself to move it. he has a back pocket on his pants specifically designed for the cat to sit in while he works. you cant get it away from him.

someone who worked on him once tried to take the cat away from him and he lost all will to live. Engie and Gunther had to go get the cat back so that L1X could actually work again.

idk why i designed him to look kinda like a porcelain doll, but it looks pretty cool! tho obvs he's made of some stronger material XD also, he's made to look kinda weirdly human, so his "blush" is painted on.

the light blue lights are illuminated parts that show the inside of the wiring. whether the color can be changed to others like those rgb lights remains to be seen.

and finally, his weapon of choice is usually his two laser guns, though he knows how to fight with any weapon B)

aaa these three were so fun to do, im so happy with how they came out! although i have to admit there was a fourth idea that never really went anywhere. cause if we got lix in all areas of the ship, an alien!lix isnt that farfetched. it wasnt a bad idea at all, i just didnt have a good idea for it, but it could totally be made XD! maybe someday ill make it...

[astraydestiny]

Daily Writing Complete‼️

Homestly, not really. I wrote 505, IM GOING BACK TO 505, sorry, words on my main story… BUTTT i wrote a bunch of notes and stuff that has to equate to like 700 words??? But thats for my main story, I finished one of the CW!!!

That’ll be out to you guys tomorrow. Im pretty pround of it! Especially for 1.5k! But… I feel like its a bit rushed, and in some places it feels a bit exposition heavy? But i do like the emotion and symbolism in the story. It turnes out pretty good I think! I cant wait for you guys to see this because then you guys can actually get a grip for how I write and stuff, and not judge my writing off these stupid blurbs and stuff! Yk, if you guys like the one tomorrow, I’ll give yall a Thousand Fireflies to eat up too! Just- dont copy it alright? Its not free-use work!!! In fact- i should probably put that in my bio and stuff. But anyways… IM PROUD OF MYSELF! I feel like I was blocked on my main story, because I had a fun time writing this side project! I just that goes to show how important it is to take breaks from main projects in favor for smaller ones, just so you dont burn yourself out by accident! Because burning yourself out is… NOT GOOD! Not good to sya the least… but yah. I feel like i got multiple questions wrong on my science quiz today and istgoodness… IT WAS EZ I SWEAR TO GOODNESS. I just tripped up during it… Also guys I realized that I should really start yapping more irl because… Im look at these posts and thinking- wow. This person must have no friends if they have THIS many thoughts and no one to tell them to. AND THEN I REALIZE IM TALKING ABT MYSELF. Like sometimes I either dont speak because i dont want to interrupt someone- but the times I do speak… PEOPLE INTERRUPT ME! AND THE TIMES WHEN I FEEL LIKE I CAN ACTUALLY SPEAK- I INTERRUPT SOMEONE ELSE! Of course this doesnt happen that often, to be honest Im too busy wriitng during my lunch break to talk, but you know. PRIORITIES!!!

I LOVE PINTEREST SO MUCH. GOING CRAZY WITH IDIA SHROUD IN THE BACKGROUND 😍😍😍 i love idia sheoud i relate to him sm (not really) tbh I feel like i relate to him- but at the same time I dont??? Bec he gets prideful and arrogant sometimes and I dont get like that (HEH NOT TO FLEX OR ANYTHING 😼😼🤗🤗)

I feel like if I related to anyone, it would probably be leona. Not because hes like super fit or anything- LIKE IM THE FURTHEST AWAY FROM HIM PERSONALITY. Its just that like, him being the second and stuff, doomed to never be the first, the best, really resonates with me. Especially since Im surrounded by people who self-proclaim themselves as ‘first places’ everyday, kinda gets on my nerves… WRITING IDEA!!!!

Like im not saying having a big ego is wrong, nor am I saying that those peoples achievements are bad BECAUSE they are so amazing. i think they should be proud of that, and they dont owe humility to anyone because they worked hard for it, (AHEM AHEM VIL SCHOENHEIT MY KING). But its when they see people that are trying to reach for those ambitions and they flaunt how they could do better. THATS when I start doubting their ability. Because you could be the best in the world, but if your too busy running your mouth about how your the best, you’ll be left in the dust- and youll find that all those people who were under you before… Appeared triumphant.

IDK DAILY WORDS OF WISDOM ADDED HERE TOO. Vil Schoenheit my KINGGGGG I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I WANT TO BE LIKE HIM. When i become rlly good at writing, I want to be able to act like him!! Because he is confident in himself, doesnt owe humility to anyone (but of course still expresses it from time to time), and is respectful about it (we dont talk about book 5). I love Vil Schoenheit, such a misunderstoid character fr. OH YEAH

If your not a twisted wonderland fan, these are the characters I mentioned in this post!!!

^ Idia Shroud in the middle, next to his lil’ bro Ortho Shroud!!

^ Vil Shoenheit in the middle, to the right is Rook Hunt, and to his left is Epel Felmier (the short one!)

^ Leona Kingscholar!!

ALRIGHT GUYS!!! Now, I have math hw. SO I NEEDA BOUNCE! SEE YOU ALL TOMORROW AND STUFF!!!

Daily music rec is Sponsored by this guy !!!@unmotivatedartistry PRETTY GOOD SONG!!!

Here are some snacks for the road: 🍔🍔🌭🌯🥙🥪🥪🍕🌯🥗🥙🍔🥪🌯 (taco bell burritos proceed with caution)

BYEEEEEEEEE

-Kani