#like sometimes i feel like im actually going crazy because how many times can you

[rapidhighway]

I can't believe people give advice that's basically "be less stressed". How can I explain to you that I've been scared of walking down the stairs since I learned to walk and I get an intrusive thought every time I cross a road. And then I have a lot more, actually real and important stuff to be anxious about!!

[songspirits]

rating fanon portrayals of the outsiders boys

note: my guesses on the canon personalities probably arent even true lol this is my opinion

-

ponyboy curtis

5/10

sometimes the portrayals are really good!! but i hate that often, people portray him either as a moody brat or a weak baby. he is canonically a good fighter, especially after the fire, though he doesn’t like to. hes a loner, hes a reader, hes a pacifist, hes a good kid.

you have to remember that the outsiders is literally written in HIS POINT OF VIEW!!! ofc yes he’s a sassy and snarky teenager but he is also so intelligent and smart. hes a loner, but the gang would never shun his company. he has so much depth that a lot of writers often forget. hes a 14 year old kid with thoughts of a adult and can only do so much. thats what makes the outsiders so relatable to alot of people. its his intelligence that makes him and darry argue, because of how darry sees himself in ponyboy

but also on the other side of the coin ponyboy is a fragile character after the events of the book, because he is 14!!! but he has thoughts!!

i feel like people forget his good traits and only focus on the bad (and oh my goodness does this count for darry too!)

sorry for my rambles i just love his character so much :-(

darry curtis

7/10

besides fanfiction.net and like 30% of the fics on ao3 hes actually a solid portrayal most of the time, but tons of people forget that his relationship with ponyboy wasnt actually that batshit awful. sure theyd butt heads alot and go back and forth but they love each other thats why they did that. hes so much more than just an angry man who happens to be ponyboys brother.

hes a man who peaked in high school (IM KIDDING) and lost it all not because of his brothers but because of his parents. there was probably some strong resentment there for a while until they died. darrys problem or flaw is that he cares too much and his fear turns to anger. its love for sodapop and ponyboy that brings him back when he realizes his anger is doing more bad than good for his little brothers. It’s opening up and allowing his brothers in that helps his character.

that being said, people often focus more on his bad traits than his good traits. its a running theme in the outsiders fandom, i’ve noticed

sodapop curtis

7.5/10

highest rating i have on this list!! fanfiction.net outsider fics ive gotta say i actually just cant handle it so thats why it isnt a full 8 and ao3 is a 50/50

people put that hes soft but also forget that hes wild. hes batshit CRAZY. hes just as protective as darry and just as snarky as ponyboy. hes soft!! hes rough!! sodapop curtis is a dynamic character!!!!

johnny

5/10

ehhhhhh, most johnny portrayals i’ve seen are either really good or really bad. kinda ponyboy’s problem, being seen as weak. hes just a dynamic character who is allowed to be weak but also has so many strong traits about him. he is a frightened wounded animal to most but to the gang hes something more than that. also, snarky and ‘over’ johnny portrayals are great.

dallas

4/10

most portrayals i’ve seen are pretty good but its the same problem ive seen in all the boys— they only focus on a few traits dallas has (aggressive, tough, hardened) and stick with that. forgetting the youth in dallas winston and making his character honestly… less tragic?

imo the tragedy of the outsiders is the youthfulness in all the boys and how shitty situations couldnt make them more vulnerable, so i would love more of a vulnerable dallas in fics around the gang. another thing, people forget how much ponyboy really does mean to dallas. johnny and ponyboy were both his brothers and he’d did so much for the both of them precisely bc of that

two-bit

5/10

again.💔people forget how DYNAMIC these characters are!!! two-bit knows when to get serious for the love of god!!

steve

1/10

what portrayal. ☹️ppl dont write him enough and if they do its like one line #justiceforsteve

in conclusion

the outsiders fandom often have such good portrayals but only for one part of their character. this isnt to shame anyone or anything!! but this is just a helpful criticism ?? for any writers out there portraying the boys!! trust me i had to think abt this too lmao

[soyaei]

hello!! would you be comfortable writing about high school nanami? just as you were about to confess your feelings to him, a series of bizarre events unfolded, derailing your plans and leading to unexpected consequences 🤩

Hey… Can i tell you something?

highschoolau!nanami kento x female reader

not proofread so please forgive for the grammar mistakes or some spelling mistakes.

Nanami was popular with the girls, and that includes you. Except… you were actually kind of getting the vip treatment from him. He was never really interested in talking with the girls who were squealing over him. The girls were crazy over him, and you were too. But you weren’t really showing that craziness of yours because you actually know what shame is.

To get straight to the point, you were Nanami’s classmate. Sure, nothing that special. But the thing is, Nanami’s english is… a bit bad, but not horrible. And you, you could say you speak english like its your mother tongue language. So maybe thats the reason Nanami wanted you to be his outside of school english teacher. A lot of his fangirls knew this and boy you never would imagine the day you would get so many jealous looks.

But aside from that, Nanami actually sometimes ask you to hangout with him without any special occasion, he claims it to be a thanks and all but in the inside, he just wanted to spend some time with you. He himself didn’t know why he was feeling it or knew how to explain the feeling.

Days turn by weeks, weeks turn by months and months turn by years. Your feelings towards Nanami has increased and you have been his very close classmate for 3 years now, and for that 3 years you had to fight the urge to yell your feelings towards him, to express how you really felt about him. But knowing that he was already tired of his fangirls and he probably hangout with you because he thought you might be the only girl that doesn’t have a crush on him, you stopped yourself.

But today was different, today… you were going to confess. You prayed that this wouldn’t affect your friendship and if he didn’t like you back, you at least hope that he wouldn’t avoid you.

The bell rings, it was finally time for lunch. You sat up, took you wallet and went to Nanami’s desk. “Hey, Kento, we should go sit at the bench near the field. I heard no one uses it! The surrounding there must be relaxing, i’m sure you’ll like it.” You said, not realizing that you forgot to breathe while talking.

“Okay then, im fine with sitting anywhere. I’ll just go to the canteen to get some foo-“

“Kento!!!”

Oh no, a fangirl! You’re definitely getting side eyed. The fangirl, named (someone you dont like), caged her arms with Nanami’s. Nanami immediately backed off and told her to not touch him without consent again. Kind of like scolding, typical Kento Nanami.

“Don’t be mad!!! When we’re dating, I won’t need to ask before touching you, so you have to get used to it!!!” When she said that, you clenched your fist, wishing you could just smack down her right here and right now.

Nanami, on the other hand, made a disgusted face. The girl was used to it so she wasn’t offended. She laughed it off instead. “Oh, Kento, your so cute when you do that face! You should do it to Y/n too, didn’t she just asked you to go to that bench near the field? No one is around there, you know. Who knows if she’s planning to lay hands on you.” You clenched your fist harder, you wanted to say something but Nanami calmed you down by patting you back. Seems like he knew you were about to say the most sassiest comeback to the girl but stopped you right there to not cause a scene.

Nanami gave you a sign to run out of the door together by looking at you and then the door. You nodded slowly and counted 3 to 1 with your fingers. As it reached 1 and the girl distracted by yapping about whatever she had in mind to say to Nanami, you two immediately ran to the door, getting out of the class and ran to the cafeteria. You managed to run without getting caught by a teacher or the principal. You two tried to catch up with your breathe when you two arrived at the canteen.

“Better hurry up before she gets here.”

You and Nanami were finally at your destination, the bench near the field that didn’t get much attention because it was a bit far away from the canteen. Making the place’s surrounding being peaceful.

“It feels nice here. I hope we won’t get disturbed.”

Nanami said. Nanami was calm but you were the opposite. Well, you were collected on the outside but in the inside you were really stressing out. You guys are alone, nows the chance! Your going to confess! You can’t believe it!

“Hey… Can i tell you something?” You asked to Nanami. He nodded to reassure you that you should continue. As soon as you were about to tell him you feelings, the girl from before and her gang came out of nowhere with phones recording both you and Nanami. For some reason, you felt extremely exposed. You could be naked right now and you wouldn’t feel this exposed and embarrassed.

“Hey, look at this guys! The girl who thinks shes so better than everyone because Kento is her ‘bEsT fRiEnD’ is going to confess her feelings!” (the name of someone you hate) said out loudly, catching some people’s attention while recording the scene with her phone.

“Does she think she has a chance just because shes Kento’s friend?”

“Probably, i wouldn’t test my luck if i was her.”

“Shes embarrassing herself.”

“Why would anyone confess empty handed? At least offer him some chocolate while at it.”

“He probably never liked her and is just her friend to do her a favor for being his english teacher..”

The whispers of peoples gossip was louder than anyone’s scream to you. You never felt this humiliated.

“Y/n, sorry.” Kento said out of nowhere.

“Hu-“ before you could even finish your sentence, Nanami grabbed your hand and pulled you to a near classroom that no one was in.

When you two arrived, Nanami closed the door and tried to catch up with his breathe.

"Nanami... I-" You tried to say something, but because you were out of breathe, you could barely let any words out of your mouth. "Y/n, please sit down first. No need to rush." Nanami said as he lead you to a seat.

When you finally calmed down, Nanami reassures you to continue what you wanted to say when you were rudely interrupted by (the name of someone you hate). "I... you know what, nevermind. I will tell you tomorrow." When you said, Nanami raised one of his eyebrows. But then he thought to himself, it was probably something important and you don't have the mood to say it anymore since who knows if that girl is still watching.

"All right then. I'll wait. It doesn't have to be tomorrow, you can tell me later if you want too." Nanami tells you.

The next day comes, at you two were at the same location you were at yesterday. Except, you could confirm that no one is watching since school is over. You and Nanami often walked to home together so he was fine with you wanting to stay here for a bit. "So, what did you want to tell me yesterday? You said you'd tell me it today." Nanami breaks the silence.

"O-Oh! Right, I almost forgot about that since the breeze is so calming today... heh...But anways... i want to... tell you... that..."

Oh god, here it goes. Your going to say it! You had to wait for the right moment for three years! Without realizing, your face was heating up. You wasted no time and stood up, facing Nanami and tell him what you have always wanted to say...

"Nanami! I like you! I... I have liked you even before we became friends." ...Silence.

"I...I thought-"

"He doesn't like you back, give up!" Oh. My. GOD. IT'S THE GIRL FROM BEFORE. WHY IS SHE HERE, HOW DID SHE KNOW WE WERE HERE, AND WHY IS SHE RECORDING!!!

"And... post. Heh, have fun getting gossipped tomorrow, Y/n!" (the name of someone you hate) then runs away. You feel so embarrassed right now. You don't want to listen to what she just said but what if she's right? What did Nanami wanted to say? He thought what? He thought that i was different from other girls in this school so i wouldn't like him in a romantic way?! Just as you thought that mindset to yourself. You took your bagpack from the bench and ran away, not realizing your eyes are already tearing up. Nanami just watched the scene unfolds as he was too shocked to do anything right now.

The next day arrives, and you tried your best to ignore the stuff people are saying about the confession you made yesterday. As if your not feeling worse that Nanami probably doesn't like you back and wouldn't want to be your friend anymore. Class was just normal, and in two hours it's already lunch break. You didn't feel like eating so you planned on just staying at the field. As you tried to calm yourself down and tell yourself that it's okay if Nanami doesn't like you back, someone pushed you shoulder harshly, but it didn't make you fall down.

"What's up lonely girly? What chu doing? And where's your closeeee friendddd" (the name of someone you hate) said to you in a high pitched voice and whining at the end of her sentence to annoy you more. What did you do? You... just... well... listened to whatever she wanted to tell you. You seriously had no energy to even make a facial expression or even care about your surrounding.

"Hey." A familiar voice interrupts. It's Nanami! What was he doing here? To also bully you? When you saw Nanami walking towards you, you immediately stood up and tried to walk away. Nanami grabs your wrist to stop you. And you just let it happen. You mentally prepared yourself to hear what he wanted to say.

"Y/n... I..." Nanami says nervously. (the name of someone you hate) took out her phone before you knew it to record the scene, expecting Nanami to say he didn't like you back.

"I-I-I... I like you too!!!" Nanami shouted out, not too loud but loud enough for the surrounding to hear it, to make sure that Nanami actually felt the same way. "If this is to not make people gossip about me, you can take it back." Now, because Nanami shouted out those four words people at school are interested to hear, a few students were watching you two.

"No...I... Y/n." Nanami said as he held both of your hands to turn you around and look at him. Cupping your cheeks, wiping yours tears with his thumb. "Y/n. I never had a friend this close in my life, Not to mention a girl. I was never interested in dating this whole time but you changed my mindset. When i first met you i just felt like i always want to be close with you. I didn't understand why i felt that way and now... when you confessed... I finally understand why. I like you too, Y/n... I like you too."

Everyone who was watching the scene cheered, well, almost everyone. (the name of someone you hate) and a few of Nanami's fangirls weren't happy. You can't believe this, he actually liked you back! You pinched yourself to makek sure you weren't just dreaming and Nanami chuckled at your actions. He pulled you in a hug, and finally... he did something that made the cheering louder and something that made your face heat up, he kissed you. Not too long since he's a shy boy with romantic stuff, and your glad since you also didn't want to kiss for too long since people were watching. No words could express how you feel right now, this was truly a dream come true.

[heartofwritiing]

jack russell unable to control himself from smelling you

idc how or why just pls make it happen

Your scent

paring: Jack Russell x fem!reader

a/n: So many jack requests! im so happy you all want me to write for him! bare with me though i’m still trying to figure out how to write him since he’s kinda a new character and he only has so much screen time to go off of! also its crazy how we all collectively were like omg yes during that scene… buy me a coffee

warning(s): just short, jack being kinda cuddly, werewolf smelling lol, and fluffy!! unedited!

Jack had stoped in his tracks when his nose caught smell of something nearby. It was sweet and filled his lungs with a smoothness when he inhaled again.

It was coming from his bedroom. He wanders to the door and opens it to see you sitting on the armchair, curled up with a book as the rain falls down the window. He admires you for a moment, looking so comfortable and at peace in your own little world. Then he realizes the sweet smell is coming from over where you are.

Jack moves closer until he’s standing over you and you’re so caught up in your book that you’re startled when you feel his presence come up behind you. You look up at him frowning as he leans down to you.

“Jack?” you say.

When he reaches you close enough that his nose is touching the top of your head he inhales. You were used to this especially the days following his transformation. The wolf would still linger in his human form after a full moon phase, and sometimes it would show. Like you would catch little things he’d do; scratching behind his ears in a dog like manner, or in this case smelling you like a scratch n sniff and being a needy and cuddly. You thought it was cute.

He continues to sniff through your hair frantically so you say his name again.

“Did you change your shampoo?” he asks.

“Yes, why? do you not like it?” you shift in your seat to face him. If the smell bothered him too much due to his heightened senses or he didn’t like it because of the scent then you would have to find some other type. He immediately sensed your uneasiness.

“No, no, it’s lovely.” he expresses kneeling down to sit on his knees so he could meet your eye level. “I actually, really like it.” he confesses shyly.

You grin up at him the worry flowing away from you and giggle. Oh thank havens it doesn’t bother him. “you do?” He nods.

“It’s very nice, what is the scent I can’t quite place it.” He tilts his head to place a kiss on your forehead but not before smelling your hairline again. You giggle again at the absurdity of all this.

“It’s lavender,”

You feel his lips hum against your skin in delight. Your book is long forgotten as you let Jack pamper you with kisses. It was a little strange having your boyfriend smell you, but it made him happy and calmed his inner wolf so it didn’t matter to you.

“wait, there's something else,” he moves further down to your neck and moves your hair out of the way with a quick brush of his hand. His hot breath fans against the nape of your neck, and he inhales the fragrance there.

“Is it honey?”

“mhm, and oat.” you tell him.

“I apologize if this is strange mi querida…” he looks down awkwardly as he pulls back from your body. You knew Jack could be insecure about these things, after all it really wasn’t his fault. it was just his way of remembering you as well. You reach your hand up to cup his cheek and persuade him to look back at you.

“It isn’t strange, I wouldn’t be here If I couldn’t handle you smelling me.” you assure. as you speak your hand drifts behind his head to pet his hair in a comforting manner. He relaxes. “I know you can’t help the urges sometimes.”

He smiles at you affectionately and you can see his love for you in just a simple gaze and it makes your heart beat quicker.

“What did I do to deserve you my flor,”

Suddenly Jack is scooping you in his arms and carrying you bridle style all while you’re laughing. He lays you down into the covers on his bed and slides in next to you.

“My Flower?” you lift an eyebrow when you both settle into bed.

“It is fitting, no?” he pulls you closer to his chest. “because you’re like my own flower.” He sighs into your collarbone and you both lay there in bed enjoying each other’s presence.

tagglist: @redheadspark @a-lumos-in-the-nox @steve-harringtons-slut @charlie-heatons-whxre

please let me know if you would like to be added or removed!

[stilljuststardust]

Heyyy! It’s parrot again! And today I have two related questiones!

Both have to do with the information that all one needs to do to manifest is desire and live in the imagination/daydream.

1: if kids often truly believe the things they are playing or imagining to be real how come they don’t accidentally manifest them?

2: i daydream pretty much constantly and have been affirming out the wazoo and i am going to continue persisting and believing and all that jazz, but i have yet to see the results in the 3D(i am confident they will come; im just getting a lil impatient lol)

Thanksssss! Have a nice day :3

Hi parrot!

1:

Children can manifest, sometimes they do (I did). However, they don't usually manifest their play pretend because on some level they do know its just that, pretend. I remember having tons of crazy beliefs as a kid but my mindset was almost always "if I wish really hard maybe it will be true" instead of actually assuming so. So, unfortunately, I didn't get a pokemon on my birthday.

Children aren't stupid and I do believe that they know they're playing pretend.

However, there were times I did apply the law as a child.

This story is humiliating but whatever, I was a child.

When I was a kid I was really into lip sync battles (now an source of intense shame lmao) and every damn day I practiced because I was CONVINCED it was going to happen at some point for me.

When we were leaving town to meet my grandparents in a more populated area I was like, welp this is it, clearly I'm going to do it now. My mother was like, why do you keep talking about that I promise you there aren't any where we're going.

I didn't listen because I knew she was wrong. We arrive and immediately go out for dinner to a random restaurant, we walk in and in big neon letters a sign says "lip sync battle next door".

My mom literally thought I was crazy the entire week leading up because she had no idea why I was so adamant that when we got there I would be in one.

Why did this manifest and my pokemon didn't? Because when I was practicing for it I did it as if it was real. I knew it was going to happen and I didn't even stop to think about when or how all I knew was I should have a song ready.

I didn't budge because I knew I had it. I knew it was going to happen no matter what.

I wasn't day dreaming, I was practicing. I wasn't hoping, I was commanding.

2:

I know many people refer to the 4D as "imagination" but this doesn't mean play pretend or day dreaming, what they mean is your internal world.

Yes as a child I was imagining it happened but I did so from the assumption that what I was imagining HAD to happen. I didn't consider it play pretend I considered it practice.

People literally thought I was dumb but I didn't stop to consider there opinion because I knew it was mine.

When you imagine the image of what you want don't think "I hope I'll get this" think "I already have this"

I think we often unconsciously undermine ourselves because we're still thinking as if it isn't here.

Asking where it is or telling yourself it's not here yet are still affirming against it.

Affirmations are just thoughts you repeat, if you're ALSO repetitively thinking against what you want then you are ALSO affirming against it.

Think as if you have already manifested it, as if having it is cold hard fact. Yes it may feel unnatural at first but that doesn't matter.

In my story from before, I didn't ever stop to wonder why I hadn't been in one yet because I knew that it was happening no matter what so timing was irrelevant to me.

Think about who you'd be if you had it, how you'd see the world, what you would think, then think as that version of you.

Personally I like to ground before I do anything because it helps me to think of it as real.

Take a look at these, i think they'll help you:

Mental diets aren't just getting rid of negative thoughts

This one's really good

Loa checklist

[thevulturesquadron]

THAT LATEST EPISODEEEE

Okay okay I have many thoughts and I apologise if this is gonna end up very incoherent and disjointed but I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE AHHHHH

You know what the episode did very well (the writers, man)? Make the audience feel like they're taking crazy pills. There's this almost cognitive dissonance from the rest of the squad (Charles esp) with the way they say and behave because as Rogue stated "none of you were there". This is SO good in showcasing that you can be as understanding as you want, be literally a part of the same group... and STILL it's not enough because you didn't have the (in this case unfortunate) exact experience. The previous episode is a great addendum to this. The rest of humanity's (majorly the big wigs of course but you get what i mean) scared and at worst callous and apathetic reaction to the genocide. They're not scared because of what happened to those mutants, they're scared because of what Magneto would do in retaliation. Cooper is another example of how much actual experience can wholly change a person. She's not a mutant... but she was THERE. Erik and Rogue were there... right in the middle of it. How does anyone expect SOMETHING to not happen. You know who else saw what happened? Us, the audience. The latest episode felt frustrating and cathartic in the best way. It felt like decades of repressed righteous anger spilling in the most messiest manner, but it's OUT there. It needed to be said. Rogue's rant at the group before joining Erik, Erik's iconic "SHUT UP" line (yo lemme tell you istg i said the EXACT thing after that drivel Charles said). That's another thing that was so well done. Showcasing that no matter how well meaning Charles is... sometimes it feels like the dude's not LISTENING (Erik talks about watching a child be eviscerated in front of his very eyes, and I feel like all he's getting from others is an 'aw im sorry thoughts and prayers now can you please CHILL out') and does need this slap in the face. And the consequences keep piling up (the last big thing being what happened to Logan). Nothing will ever be normal and it's sad and scary and I'm very much looking forward to what comes next.

On a small note, showing how Roberto's decision was unsure with him trying to apologise to Jubilee and then his shocked reaction at her not wanting to hear him was so sad. It truly felt like a boy who only realised how massive of a consequence he's facing but just wanting his friend back.

I'm pretty sure I had more things to say and a more thoughtful way of saying them but anyway... 10/10. VERY ANGERING AND FANTASTIC. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE LAST EP!!!

HI!!! ✨SAME!! 💜💜💜💜 thanks for coming in kicking the door down and shouting my way cause I needed that!! My brain has been stuck on a loop with the events in E9.

I love, love, love this episode exactly because of the strong emotions it made me go through. To see the division, to see where everyone stands, to see what matters most to them: what they are going through or an ideal? It. Was. So. Good! It was skin itching to see it at the same time. Each episode has continued to take me by surprise and go beyond my expectations.

I love how well the writers have been able to portray the difference between people who have been through horrible events, and those who have seen them ‘on screen’. Remember in episode 7 when Amelia said 'a survivor is the last thing I’d wanna be.’? Now it resonates even more than ever. It’s poetry. And yes, Cooper isn’t just someone who ‘saw it Magneto’s way’. No. She was one of the perpetrators caught in the middle.

So that when Scott goes around saying ‘Magneto is responsible for this.’ When Wolverine is out for blood - it should make you angry cause it feels like the crimes that Bastion has orchestrated are secondary to the X-men's agenda of 'righting a wrong'. Bastion is just a battle, another villain they need to defeat. But the call was coming from inside the house all along.

I’ve seen people online saying that this episode did Magneto dirty. But I think it’s the opposite. Magneto had always been capable of awful things in his pain and anger, but that’s not the point the writers are trying to make. The name of the episodes is ‘Tolerance is extinction’ - the whole point is to put the viewer in the uncomfortable position of understanding Magneto’s anger, but knowing his actions have big consequences, all the while making you lose your mind at how backwards and ignorant Charles' side seems. People are dying because ultimately his dream is more important than the people the dream is made for. And Rogue and Magneto are calling him out on it. The beauty of it is that Charles is preaching an ethical way where everyone matters, but how entitled and arrogant he must come across when everyone else around him is just ‘sacrifices he is willing to make’ for the sake of an ideal. It’s beautiful and awful that the cry for battle and survival is coming from the mouth of those that have nothing left but violence in them, while the champions of the just offer shackles and tell those that suffer to endure more for the greater good.

Yes this episode is supposed to make people angry and confused. And I think it succeeds.

If there is one less positive thing to say about the show, it's the pacing. You can feel that they were forced to put everything in just 10 episodes because there are a lot of moments throughout the show that are either missing or rushed. (For ex. in this last episode I would have liked to have scene with Rogue and Roberto on Asteroid M, in a similar fashion to what we got for the two X-men squads; just a glimpse at how things are impacting them instead of immediately seeing them in a 'villain guards' roles.) But I am not going to hold it against the show; from what they've delivered it reads a lot like cuts that they needed to live with.

[softhairedhotch]

DUDEEEE HELLO??:!:!::&: PLEASE I LOVE YOU, YOUR WONDERFUL BRAIN N UR RESPONSES???!! like sometimes i think damn my thoughts r sooooo filthy i wonder if anyone would even feel the same like am i crazy :-///.... THEN UR REPLIES JUST FUELS ME EVEN MORE ARGHRHHHHH LIKE??? im so glad we have the same brain like damn... i love talking abt him hehe rly.. thank u for entertaining my thoughts n making it even more amazing <333 also i hope u are feeling better now!!! 🫂🫂 tbh i feel the same bc the idea of aaron has made me feel better so many times n it's years since i started liking him :-(((( fr i never ever regret starting this show n falling in love w him 😭😭😭

"imagine just sitting there with him fully inside you, tie in your mouth, head on his broad shoulder, one of his big warm hands occasionally rubbing up and down your back as you hear the other write away" ‼️‼️‼️ PLEASEEEE omfg he'd feel so good and he'd make you feel sooooo safe 😭😭😭 i need this so badly . being on his lap would literally make all the painful noisy thoughts in your head go silent because all you can think about and feel is him <3333 though i don't know how i'd be able actually to be quiet n not be reduced into a whimpering mess because GODDDDDD HE'S JUST SOOOO..... my god. if u do turn this into a fic i'd probably be reading it 9784953 times n manifesting it to appear in my dreams 🙏🙏

and OOOOOFFFFFFFFF cannot decide if i would want him to make a mess all over me and use his thick fingers to scoop it up and shove it into my mouth or have him cum deep in my throat ! 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 like man.... the idea of messy wet sex drives me insane like having him a panting sweaty mess 🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️ n downright filthy cum eating . like my thoughts abt it are ENDLESS n its literally a can of worms im afraid of opening-- AWOEKFJFKEKD thinking abt that episode when aaron jumps into a lake to chase an unsub n he comes out of the water all WET N THE WATER DRIPPING DOWN HIS SKIN??? I CANT REMEMBER WHAT EPISODE IT IS BUT I THINK U KNKW WHAT IM REFERRING TO???

omfggggg when he's ruthlessly riding you and jerking himself off, his chest would get soooo red and it'll feel soo nice to run your fingers down his body and literally worship every inch of him 😵‍💫 he'd look soooo pretty with little marks over his chest as you shower him with praises... thinking about praising aaron HEEEEHEHEH he'd get sooo shy n flustered the first few times but slowly he'd get used to it and literally bask in the attention n praises 😭😭

my god n i must say u rly perfected his voice n what he would say......i swear my love for aaron not only solidified my kink for suits but also... voice 😵‍💫😵‍💫🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️ like it makes me think how he'd react the first time when he realised how much power he has over you just from his voice and words alone.... like first he'd be confused why your reaction sometimes gets a lil funny but then his expression darkens when finally he realises. but he likes building up material to tease you later on so he doesn't really point it out at first but just has an amused smile.

then imagine one night being on a phone call with him as he just talks about his day and that it's pretty late at night so his voice starts getting huskier bc he's tired.... and he's just rambling about something unrelated but you feel the heat crawling up your neck because he just sounds so good . you can't help but clench your thighs and swallow your saliva. then he asks you a question but you're SO distracted that you miss it and when you finally answer him, your voice shakes. he goes silent before breaking into a low laugh because he recognises that tone of voice and picks up your breathing. "oh my, baby... i don't even need to see your face to know what's up. here am i trying to tell you about my day... but you just can't help yourself, hm? ...pathetic."

YEAHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭

- 🤲

AHHHHHHHHHH SDJFHSJDF THANK YOU hehehehehe n YEAH I GETCHA, I BE THINKING "oh GOD what if what i say is too weird???" n then you get back to me with basically the SAME THING AHHHHH i'm sooo happy we be thinking the same thoughts LMAO. and thank you sm <33

YESSSSS HE'D MAKE YOU FEEL SO SAFE FR <333 i wanna sit on his lap soooo so so much, god it'd be so good. i would love to write it as a fic tbh but i just have sooooo much to work on already UGHHH why is writing so hard and time-consumingggggg

REALLLLL I WANT BOTH !!! n oPEN THAT CAN OF WORMS RN CUM EATING IS SOOOOOOOO HOT I SWEAR DDSKFSK AHHHHH AND YES YES YE S I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SCENE YOU'RE REFERENCING

OUGHHH HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL FUCKKK

yessss he'd looook so pretty riding youuu <33 all red and sweaty and a whimpering panting mess oughhh i love it i love him sm n yessssss i wanna praise him sooo bad. like if you praised him he just WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO but then as he gets used to it, he loooooves it and craves it ough

hehe thank you!! N YEAH VOICE KINK AND SUIT KINK GO BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 🤭🤭 he'd get sooooo cocky knowing he has sm control over you oughhh and he'd be so proud of himself knowing he can get you to do almost anything with just his voice n pretty face

STOPPPP I'VE HAD THE EXACT SAME IDEA AND STARTED IT AS A FIC ONCE BUT NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT KSDFJK i loooooooove the idea of calling him on a case and he's just like. tired but tryna talk n his voice is sooooo deep and gravelly and it sounds so hot (bc sleepy/morning voices might be one of the best things in existence <33) and he notices you trailing off your sentences and stuttering a bit and going quiet and he just KNOWS what he's doing to you and he teases you relentlessly <33 he'd either get you all hot and bothered n then tell you that you gotta be patient and wait til he gets home orrrrrr he'll go "do you think you can show me how much of an effect i have on you, sweetheart?" and when you send him a pic he'd hum in appreciation and tell you how pretty/handsome you are and how he's gonna make you feel real good when he gets home but for now he's gonna talk you through making yourself feel good <33 maybe you can hear him letting out cute lil moans as he tells you how he wants you to touch yourself and your stomach drops when you realise he's getting off on it too and you ask him to send a pic of himself and he does and he looks sooooo good <33

also i gotta ask,,, how do you feel about daddy kinks LMAOOO bc i haven't thought about it much relating to aaron lately tbh but when i first got into him two years ago, all i could think was him saying stuff like "let daddy make you feel good, hm?" or "you wanna touch daddy?" n stuff like that,, are you into that?? i'm leaning more toward softer aaron n bottom aaron lately but godddd soft daddy dom aaron is soooooooo <333

[tsururoach]

EXCUSE ME I RECENTLY DISCOVERED VOCALOIDS AND IMMEDIATELY FELL IN LOVE WITH OLIVER /p

thank you for blessing us with ur Oliver art <3 he needs more love fr. and more happy songs.

i just got here so im not sure if you've mentioned it before, but do you have a fav Oliver song? :3

I'm glad you like my art of him! I've been drawing him for 9-ish years now, but it's always nice to hear other fans of his also like my art! I don't actually talk to a lot of Oliver fans haha.

I always really really admired Dappleback/Lawlietlk's designing skill, and I had a whole presentation how much I appreciated his character design and how it lead back into why I think as a vocaloid he has one of the best designs.

Like don't get me wrong, Vocaloid (and other synths) have really good designs, just sometimes they aren't necessarily as good as Vocaloid designs y'know?

Like hear me out, I feel like the biggest appeal of vocaloid mascots is this: They can be whatever you want. Now on one hand you can argue that 'no mascot' is even Moreso freedom and should have worked better than mascot, but what's missing is the intrigue. There is a breeding ground of creativity hidden beneath restriction.

Like, often enough what people need most in order to create something is just a guideline, and for me that's what Oliver offers. Like, sometimes, too much canon is a bad thing, and people need to remember that.

The #1 selling point of Oliver's design is the intrigue his design offers. There's so much of it that once changed loses that 'space of expression.' And yet, no matter how much you are able to change, he also is able to maintain that 'constant' that lets you know that yes, that is still him, even if you change it. I don't have it anymore but it's been years, but I had a whole chart explaining it.

Over the years Oliver has gotten a lot of motifs and concepts assigned to him, that only derive from smaller aspects of his designs, for example: His bandages.

While you may argue it's not entirely unique, that is exactly the beauty of it. It's because of that so many different concepts stem from it.

One of the biggest themes correlated with Oliver is a monster/horror theme and you have the bandages to thank for it. The amount of concepts I've seen born from the sheer mystery of his bandages were so vast it's crazy. Whether it's because he's a cryptid/monster/cursed or otherwise, people are forced to make an effort to use that "why?"

And on the flip side, there is other mysteries people find from his bandages that aren't horror, they're instead going for something else: A poor waif, a vigilante, a witch, and etc. Through the simple [why], Oliver becomes limitless.

And while we're still discussing his bandages, there is elsewhere you can find beauty in his design. I know a lot of his fans are or were children when they became fans of him, and I know for a fact that some of them related to his design. It's not like he had much to go against them in thinking that-- and it's not just because of his song. For me as a child I projected onto him as a (character) as someone I could relate to. That's uh, probably why a lot of people tend to use him for horror or darker stuff. I know that some people are... unsavory, but that's why I don't really like when people hate on horror content made from him. I know a lot of people are weird about him, but it's a form of self-expression all the same.

Even aside from his bandages, his design still manages to offer intrigue. While Miku allows herself to be a blank canvas (being a mascot with very little ties, a digital idol who represents exactly that) Oliver is more like... a puzzle? Except there is no wrong answer and every time you put it together, it's always different.

There was a lot of misconceptions around his design, but Oliver was based off choirboy outfits-- not that everyone knew that. A lot of people interpreted it as a sailor outfit with nautical themes. That's why you can often see Oliver with sea-themed artworks or songs and/or if it's still around, sea-side waif depictions of him. But on the other side, there were quite a few interpretations of Oliver as a time-traveler- a noble- or hell: a literal bird boy.

Had he been given a more generic design, a more modern one, a more idol-esque version of himself, most of these interpretations of him would not exist. There would be less incentive for people to create that answer without the "why."

I don't really have a proper ranking on a more 'objective' ranking of designs as vocaloid specific mascot designs, but I feel like it's somewhat similar to... actual popularity?

Like... If i had to separate them, there's three categories in a venn diagram: Just straight up Good design (though I'd argue a lot of the other two would still fit in here), Fill-in the blank design, and blank canvas design.

I would say the OG Miku fits in all 3 categories but has been erring into just good design or her own category: too engrained into pop culture to fail.

Fukase is a good example of a Fill-in design, because he also has the classic "why" to his design. (Why is his coat like that? why does he have scars? is he human? is he a robot? Is he circus themed? Who knows?) You can see a lot of exploration of his character through that.

Vflower I feel like is primarily in the blank canvas design, because she more-so encompasses a certain fashion style and is able to attract the blank canvas of gender expression as well.

At the moment, to be honest, I can't really think of someone who only fit's in the straight up good character design but doesn't offer any mystery or fluidity, but that might just be my personality.

To be entirely clear, this venn diagram is probably closer to just a single circle instead of 3, but I'm mostly talking about which part of their design they align most with. (and the most common consensus of how to interpret them.

To be honest this is probably why I feel a bit like a Fake Oliver fan, bc I care more about his design more than his voicebank itself. (Sweats as I look at the vocaloid editor on my computer)

Man. Favorite Oliver song is tough.

Favorite Usage

I'll only be mentioning the publicly released songs using him, since it's a bit unfair if I recommend you something you either have no access to or I'm unable to find again.

To be honest I'm not a huge fan of some of Oliver's most known producers, mostly because I know they're not great people and refuse to support them. It's none of my business if you still listen to them, but I'd rather not. But, It's nice going down my old masterlist of Oliver originals.

I really like Rawbeans-P, if you ever heard her usage of Oliver, it's crazy stunning. Probably some of the best usage of him you'll ever hear.

Cat in a raincloud I know is relatively popular among my friends that I've pushed Robyn's music onto.

I feel like high up there is also Corasundae, who is honestly has a pretty refreshing (?) song-making style. I'm really not a music guy- meaning I never learnt a lot of terms properly and can't describe a lot of things to you, but I really like the general sound that corasundae uses in her works.

I think T.V.V.S is a pretty iconic song, but I'm emotionally attached to Other Side.

One of the songs I see people rarely talking about is Requiescat in Pace- I get it's probably because it's an older song, but I've always liked how it sounded and was a staple for me as a kid (and still fairly fresh into Vocaloid.) I don't think PARADIGM really released much else, but this song is sooo cool, I think about it a lot!

I'm not sure if you don't like horror, or just disappointed that it's a majority of his songs, but I don't think it's leaning too much into horror? It's really good though!

Another one of my favorite Vocaloid producers (the one I bought a keychain from as well!) is Veran Kuriensu! I found them originally from their original Lay, and it's possibly still one of my favorite Vocaloid Oliver Originals still to this day. While it's my favorite, I do know that they've improved drastically and their other works with Oliver is crazy good, but Lay has a special spot to me and makes me feel especially Nostalgic.

I've always liked how the lyrics sounded as well. I think otherwise my second favorite song from them is 星をあつめに. It's really good I Promise. Please please do give their stuff a chance!!

I feel like another producer I'd recommend for similar reasons to Rawbeans-P is Baggagelizard. He's always forever been kind of a legend to me! He's a super cool guy, and he has really good usage of Oliver's voicebank as well. One of my favorite songs he's done is Song for the forgotten, which was even my Oliver Collab piece back in like... 2016? That's honestly a bit crazy to me seeing how long it's been.

Baggagelizard tends to have such a special sound to the music he makes, I think it's kind of... a morose wistfulness? If you're into this one, I genuinely hope you check out his other works as well!

Actually I'm adding this one, because I really like the atmosphere of it! It's called Tavern and it's a really fun song using Big Al, Oliver, and Kaito and I think it's such a fun song! Apparently other Oliver fans I've recommended it said it wasn't their cup of tea though (′д｀σ)σ.

OH and how could I forget: Childhood Bye-Bye is honestly borderline a classic for me! I think it's a really iconic song, but it always surprises me that it's not as popular as I think it is. The producers other works are also really good!

Oooh, another Producer I can recommend is Compasscat! They use Uni, SeeU, and sometimes Oliver (maybe other vocaloids but I'm actually writing this in class (lol). You should try checking them out! I think I enjoyed it but I've been told the things I like are... different from how other people like things.

Actually, on the thought of not-so dark songs using Oliver, I hardly see any Oliver fans (or Yohioloid) fans talking about Yellow Card. I hadn't listened to it for years, but I still think it's pretty fun to this day, you could try checking it out if you feel like it. While we're at it, I'll add a bunch of special mentions for songs I knew were fairly liked enough when I was deeper into vocaloid but never see people talk about anymore as well. To be honest, I'd have a lot more to add to this list, but a lot of Oliver Originals I really liked are deleted or missing.... I understand it's at the producer's own discretion, but it's a little sad.

Unfortunately, A lot of the Bilibili/Niconico songs that I really liked were deleted or really really hard to access/find, but I'll reblog if I find them again.

[pettyprocrastination]

Abby x reader head canons?

I will say may not be the best representation for her character because I've only watched (many) play troughs and not played the game yet cause I no longer have my play station :( but I am absolutely horrendously down bad for her ngl so here we go (also abby is closeted wlw in this sorry guys)

warnings: repressed sapphic feelings, gets a little sexual at the ending but nothing major, jealousy, mostly just fluff here cause im easing myself into her character

I feel like she's not particularly into pda? not anything egregious but she'll have an arm around you is enough, maybe a hand in the back pocket to give you a lil bum squeeze but even that's pushing it. She doesn't want to be obnoxious like *those* couples (she does actually) but she wants people to know your hers.

connecting to this I feel like she gets jealous pretty easily. Not from a place of seeing you as property but from her own insecurities and worrying that you'll find somebody "better" which means sometimes she'll give a snide little comment when you've been hanging out with somebody else that makes you pull back and go "excuse me?" often leading to her either talking herself into a corner or going silent and passive aggressive until your able to pull the truth out of her, often times after the anger has fizzled out hours later and she slips into your room with a soft mumbled apology when you tell you that you love her and only her but that doesn't mean she gets to be an asshole to you for it. (she makes it up to you though. all night long in fact)

braid her hair. please braid her hair. It's a small sign of love that makes her go absolutely crazy. The feeling of your nails gently scritching her scalp has her stretching out like a cat in a sunbeam on a lazy sunday afternoon. She'll set her head in your lap while you undo the braid and run your fingers through her soft locks until she slowly drifts off to sleep because she just feels so at peace with you that she's comfortable letting her guard down and falling asleep

even if you have very short hair, you probably end up wearing one of her hair ties on your wrists because she tends to lose them + its a little part of her to keep by your side :') (i will say its interesting that in the show, it seems like ellie keeps her hair tied back with a hairtie that seems to have been cut, so she has to wrap it around and then tie a knot which makes sense because i'd gather that elastic isn't that easy to come across post apocalypse yknow. I think it'd be cute if you like. found a scrunchie or smthn for her that even though its not her style she's still wear it cause its a gift from you :'))

that being said? i imagine after everything she's been through she's a pretty light/paranoid sleeper so if you slip from the bed for any reason be ready to see her padding after you, squinted eyes and grumbling with sleep still in her voice as she mumbles 'where you goin'?' because babygirl woke up without you by her side and it caused her to panic :(

confident in her body. She's worked hard on her physique and she knows you enjoy it, so don't be surprised to see her not-so-subtlety flex if she catches you eyeing her up. You'll roll your eyes at her peacocking but it doesn't stop that lovesick smile from growing on your face that makes her feel all giddy. Bunch of goofballs in love right here <3

idk why but she gives me a bit closeted energy growing up. I feel like she probably got plenty of shit for being a tomboy and she gives me the energy of those girls who are like "women can be masculine and straight you know >:(" but so incredibly gay lmao (knew countless gals like this god bless them all) but yeah she'll huff and puff because just because she's not girly doesn't mean she's gay but also likes it when you sleep in her bed and you guys tell stories and fall asleep in eachothers arms, sometimes she'll stay awake so she can watch how peaceful you are and maybe maybe think about kissing you and how soft your body would feel in her hands and the little noises you'd make and that makes her feel something owen never did. but yknow. she's still super straight

[raineyana]

What is your normal grocery list? I’m about to be living at a dorm and I am looking for stuff to stock up on, I can’t really keep frozen foods though

i actually dont even cook all that much so i dont keep a lot of frozen foods either. this is my regular list when i go, usually weekly.

FASTING FOODS

okay so youre probably like. raine you arent supposed to eat anything when you fast. hear me out bc this is how i consistently fast a 20-4 schedule everyday, with a lot less binges than before, AND getting all of the benefits of fasting. and yeah, i still binge from time to time, but my binges are far less because my stomach actually cannot handle being fed over 1000 calories anymore, especially not all at once.

these are my ESSENTIALS so theyre pretty much the only things i consistently buy weekly.

cucumbers

chicken broth (0cal kind)

seaweed snacks

pickled ginger

tea (any, but i like trying new flavors ! my favorite is lemon ginger because it helps digestion, and green tea because it speeds up your metabolism. also a lot healthier than diet coke with the same amount of caffeine, also less likely to spike your blood sugar and kick you out of ketosis- which will make your cravings for food much worse)

...dont get me wrong i couldnt live without diet coke. but sometimes ill go for the healthier option.

why i eat these foods while i fast

these are foods that have extremely low cals and carbs (like less than 2 grams per/serving) so they wont kick you out of ketosis (which is the major benefit to fasting, where your body burns fat at a higher rate). when youre in ketosis, your body stops sending you as many cravings, which is why sometimes it feels easier to fast 24 hours after you last ate as opposed to 3 hours.

because i spend the majority of my time fasting, (and i would never be able to do that without these foods) i go through these items pretty quick.

but otherwise i only have to buy other healthy foods on a biweekly or even monthly basis, because i wont eat them as fast ! heres some things i rotate through depending on how sick of them i am lol.

regular food

built bars - essential for me. tons of protein, less sugar than other bars, and relatively low cal.

somebody on here introduced me to these and im soo glad they did. i dont remember who but if youre seeing this ilysm.

tuna creations packets - rly good for on the go, tons of flavors, lots of protein so they're really filling for only being 70-90cals depending on the flavor

blueberries + apples - so hard to over eat these two items, plus fiber

rice cakes - self explanatory

pistachios or sunflower seeds - great for curbing hunger, but im a little sick of them rn

a low cal air popped popcorn - i forget which brand i have rn, but its pretty good and has a lot of fiber.

chobani yogurt + yogurt protein drinks (50cal) - the fact that these r 50cals amaze me for how good they taste. the yogurt drinks are my favorite bc theres actually a shit ton of protein and taste pretty good without actually having to make myself a protein shake. the cookies and cream and peaches and cream are my favorites ive tried. good for breaking a fast with.

thats all i can think of atm ! sry for the fucking essay i hope this was a little helpful at least.

typing this out manically made me realize im a little crazy. i cant say with my whole chest that you should listen to me and my d1sordered thoughts, but i think everyone on here knows that already so... uh

please be kind to yourselves. take ur vitamins (even while fasting) i genuinely love you all every one of you fucked up bitches like me.

goodnight <3

[stonerskinny]

why does alcohol have so many cals 😭

weighed at 277 just now, it really is crazy what a single 💩 and a nap will do for you LMAO

now do i want to risk ruining that w alc and possible binging or do i just go back 2 sleep and be good

i’m 22hrs into this fast meaning if i skip going out and having fun i can take my sleep meds and probably get to 36hrs easy but i can also see the scenario where they just don’t kick in and i end up binging anyway plus i just was aiming for 18hrs

ugh why are there so many ways this could go

the switch is flipping actively, i think. who knew i just needed to get out of the cycle for a night.

i feel like i have something to prove. which i hesitate to admit, but it’s true. apparently when all your friends are restricters and your entire ed is just you failing at restricting, theres some interesting shame stuff that comes up LOL sometimes i just feel like a lazy gross piece of shit compared to everyone in my life because i am like this unhinged fucking glutton and everyone else has the discipline i’d commit war crimes to have

i feel like a wannarexic sometimes which i basically am

i just want to do something right and the only thing i care about is this which i am royally terrible at. sometimes it’s like all i know how to do is eat, doesn’t matter that i purge because im so big.

you know i’m gonna have to lose just over 2/3 my body weight to get to where i wanna be. that’s a lot of fucking weight and there’s no way i end up without loose skin so basically im fucked if i lose to where i wanna be, and fucked if i go crazy and decide to recover because i’ll still be huge. maybe if i actually worked out i wouldn’t end up w so much loose skin or if i did this slowly but slowly pisses me off because my brain is all about that instant gratification

the longer i’m awake the more i want to binge fuck

but i know i will regret it. i knowwwww i will. because ill feel bloated and ill gain and it’ll fucking suck. or ill purge, one of the two. there’s no excuse for it though. this body does not need food, it has PLENTY of natural resources to live on lmao.

i wish i didn’t most likely have the hellscape combo of hypothyroidism + PCOS which both individually make weight loss hard and weight gain so easy. but at the same time i can’t erase my failure by crying about genetics, if i really wanted to get there i’d already have gotten there long ago so now im just wasting everyone’s time.

can u tell the suicidality came back so strong tonite lol

i wonder how many ppl actually read these monstrosities that i write. how many ppl actually absorb my thoughts. trippy

sometimes i think i don’t actually have an eating disorder at all because i am just so inconsistent with anything besides binging. which i know is its own ed but let my silly little rat brain have its moment.

also apparently i literally sleep like the dead bc my hr was 40 when i was sleeping earlier so that’s fun no wonder i wake up feeling like a fucking corpse every day

okay that’s all for now i’ll spare y’all the rest of my brain while i lay here and mentally debate the pros and cons of both trazodone and tequila

[lottacomics]

Since I written this

I thought (and I still thinking) so much about it thanks to some of you guys and I get a new point of view about it.

1 ) So I just realize that “Everyone" thinks that nana replace yasu with ren .. I received so many messages and comments in every social I post about it like this :

Hell No.

Ok. She love him , (yasu yes.) I think it me too indeed like I said before. ….But she also loves ren too! In 57👇chapter she felts so sad when ren said to her that perhaps it would be better to cancel the wedding because their love no needed to anything else especially of a piece of paper. So why she felt like she was dying there?

Because she loves ren. (!)…In another way but she loves ren too so much .

And another thing: no, yasu is not asexual. lol

2) I received something like this too👇

Just to be honest in the story nana say that she becomes “in love“ or she feel she bonded with yasu, but after this moment.. and during That period of time that nana and ren were apart.. i believe in nana x ren... now I was just confused😐

Because ren has a very sad fate in the end in everypoint you can see his life . So even nana it is like this . Their are really our Sid An Nancy For real 😳😆…

SO again, ren was not perfect.. but either love it is perfect like dreams sometimes and it’s so illogical for everyone who we love. So I think they loved each other no matter what happened.

Its so clear that yasu loves nana (anyway poor miu for be “the replaced “ by yasu for his secret love for nana😅 😂 😳 no? ) and her love his presence … maybe she really loves him as well but its not my point now, I know she runs to yasu whenever she has a problem or when she has afraid of something. But sometimes we escape from the person who we love more because we are afraid of being hurt by the person we care most about. I know it’s illogical thing but it’s so real .

That’s why I believe and I hope, no matter in the manga or in the anime , Nana and Ren are soulmates. I think we have this idea that soulmates are "perfect" in a way and Ai Yazawahas a great way of showing you that'snot exactly true! Even soul mates don't get a happy ending because that's how Life is.

In the end my only hope is that nana love ren a little more no matter what .. despite knowing that yasu was or is still so special for her…🙏🏻 . i know im crazy that i still believe in nanaxren and their “love” no matter what Despite knowing that shions “thank you theory”in 77 chapters 👇 and that shin speech with nobu in 50chapter … im totally insane yep 👍

Anyway i feel that Nana still was hurt about rens decision of leave her years ago for his career but worst of it she was cold to him because she was jealous of reira for have steal ren s heart(especially just only Singing…) so I think nana was so confused about her ego and no because she doesn't love him anymore... that's why she didn't want to see him. She escapes from him because She was hurt.

So Their love its full of suffering about past issues not yet resolved.

… and despite this👇

Yea it’s so deep this panel, 👆 that I feel so sorry for ren sometimes just only thinking about it…(maybe it’s true this theory so this is the end of the story! ) but now I remember to myself there’s no a love of first class and love of second class in the end…. especially in this manga.😂

I think also in a strange way anyway that takumi loved hachi and her loved him despite the fact that he was a raper …..! ( For example . )

Omg 😳 yes ….and hachi still wanted to be there for him . This is so crazy but its like the story goes.

So what!? Love is not perfect. In the end.

————————————————————-

(Nana was so cute in this panel ☺️)

I decided to write it today because it’s Christmas so this means it’s a very special day for nanaxren lovers and supporters .

So… merry Christmas everyone 🫶

[bloogers-boogers]

sometimes when scrolling past kyman analysises i get a little worried that people genuinely don't think kyle has the right to be upset with cartman, because he does! And that (+them caring for eachother regardless of anything) is why i like their dynamic:

because even if or when eric changes despite kyle having very much the right to atleast not forgive him.

having cartman become the person kyle always wanted him to be (maybe still being a dick but atleast a more ethical dick) and still holding onto those feelings of resentment is complicated for him, his own morals and both of their progresses!!

Having someone you love/hate grow as a person is complicated!! I think it makes for amazing angst and character development!!

(i hope this makes sense? Sorry for ranting, i've just been thinking about it a lot and am hella curious what u think of it all, or if im being out of line)

YESS YES YESSS THIS YOU GET IT, YOU SEE IT 😩😩

it's not something someone can easily forgive or probably won't ever. Like all the shit Kyle had to endure? Yeah.. but mostly for a character as strong and hotheaded as Kyle. I feel everyone has it easy to forgive Cartman (Stan, Kenny) but Kyle? Fuck even Butters would even struggle. Like you said, resentment. I can see Kyle having to force "growing up" from that bc either his friends persistent on accepting Cartman's changes or because he does feel it's right to do. But those feelings of resentment remain inside.

I think there would be parts of Kyle who'd be overwhelmed by those changes on Cartman, not knowing how to react probably even denial and also fear. And maybe for Kyle, being vulnerable and for Cartman of all people has his alarms going crazy. But there's also this Kyle who's proud for what Cartman archived? Bc in some way he witness that change, he contribute to it. Something he fight for. Something he wanted for Cartman and now that he's seeing actual progress it frightens him which takes away all the hits he was willing to take just to be able to see that happened for granted.

It's a "I endure hell to see you grow" type of cycle. Hope that it'd be better. For them to leave all of it aside and actually be friends. Even if that meant being hurt, humiliated in the process. Sacrifices he was willing to take. And it did but now Kyle remains resentful for it. For all of it.

I like to reflect on Kyle somehow. I went through a lot of emotional abuse for a long period of my life from someone close and I couldn't just back away from. I had to live with them around. There were times that it was great being around them, it was fun, comfortable and then, again a reminder of why I couldn't stand them. Because of all the hurt they gave me. And I just couldn't no matter how many apologies I received from the same person they meant nothing after a long period of abuse. Claims of wanting to "change" but never actually attempting to make that happen. I was hopeful things would be better but it never did, it worsen and I became more bitter about it than apologetic. I forgave but never forgot. And now that they're out from my life I can't ever forgive. Ofcourse this has nothing to do with Cartman and Kyle (it's a show after all) but it's what I use to put myself in Kyle's shoes. And if it weren't for it being fictional I honestly wouldn't be shipping them. But it is fictional and something about their relationship it's different from the rest of the other characters. It's different in the show. They work. I'm not saying Kyle's a victim cause he's fucking not.

They're both in a cycle they created. Kyle ain't no little angel early seasons show a whole other side of him that he outgrew from (not entirely). Kyle can fight back. And Cartman wasn't always some messed up kid just a dumb one. I'm not justifying his actions he's a dick. But I personally see them both in the wrong in the situation they're in.

Besides, their relationship feels more like the show puts them as "rivals". They can hangout, stand each other, be on equal ground, fight, tease, go against each other, get along. Hate is a strong word to use but I can't see them hating each other. Mostly bc we seen Stan telling Kyle to not go along with Cartman's shit if he doesn't want to deal with it, and he does that when he isn't feeling like it! (Tsss is a good example of that) also that episode where Kyle was rejected from the basketball team, Cartman stops his shit the moment he realizes Kyle isn't fighting back. Kyle is complying not standing his ground. It's no longer fun for him. Their relationship feels playful in a sense. That's toxic but that's what they grew use to and it's hard to break a toxic cycle like whatever shit they have going on.

If you hate someone you wouldn't care for what they do outside of you, you wouldn't save their life, you wouldn't be able to fight with them on one side and be friends on the other, you wouldn't rely of the other when things hit the fan/go wrong. These two are something else.

Pretty much their actions say otherwise.

Hahshaha dude I can talk about them all day, this thing is long but this is just me talking in the perspective I see Kyle on. Cartman is a whole other story😭😭

But yes, I get you anon! and don't apologize for the ranting! I love them<3

[edible-star-soup]

“how can i feel so much love for everyone around me but its not romantic”

“How can I feel so much for people but every time I think it’s romantic I don’t actually like them and I’m just delusional”

“oh”

“Yours must suck so bad. I can’t even imagine loving and feeling things for people but it never being romantic. I do like people on the infatuation level sometimes but because I analyze them so in depth there’s always something that icks me out. I don’t think I’ve ever really loved someone tho. I’m a firm believer in if you loved them you wouldn’t fall out of love with them. You can move on, but you’ll always love them.”

“we are so different”

“why?”

“just our beliefs and experiences”

“oh”

“maybe you need to stop analyzing things that are only there for you, see what theyre showing, instead of what you think you see”

“No I analyze what they’re showing. Cause when you ignore your instincts that’s when you get hurt.”

“oh”

“i dont go like psycho crazy in depth like learn their every aspect to analyze them. Just like the orange peel theory”

“the what?”

“You ask them if they’ll peel an orange for you, If they say yes, even if with hesitation, it shows that they will put effort in. If they straight up say no or make excuses, it shows they don’t wanna put effort in because that’s your job. Anyways I don’t know how to explain my thinking but like I don’t analyze everything. Like ofc there’s people that are date material I just don’t like them. Cause everyone has mistakes so yknow. It’s not like every little mistake or imperfection matters but”

“ill never get you”

“ill never get me either. Maybe i should just mess around and have fun kissing everybody like you do”

“idk man i guess i just feel like maybe im falling behind, i feel so much for so many people and i want to love them like a lover would and make them feel happy like a lover would, and i feel bad knowing that everyone will always have someone that will make them happier than i do. no matter what i do about it, i cant love them like they want. and its worse because someone will put into words all they want in someone to love and ill be everything they list but i just, cant love them”

“oh”

“no because i feel romance i fall in love with everything around me all the time and i know what its like to want and to love and be loved but its just not a romance like how others perceive it. i have so much feeling for absolutely everything, but its just not what somebody wants to be with, because i cant love them like they want, but i do.”

“I don’t know how to explain how I feel, I like people and there are people that I would date if given a chance but I don’t like them. I don’t desire to be with anyone but I crave romance. I don’t like people very often but on occasion I do, But I don’t wanna do anything about it because I’d rather sit with my feelings than lose that one ray of hope”

“oh my god were different”

“yeah were different”

“i think everytime we talk personally we get more and more different, or just find more differences”

“Like there’s nobody I want romantically but I WANT a love life. And when I do want someone I can’t do anything about it cause the only time I feel human is when I like someone and I don’t like not feeling human. i just float around. like a damn jellyfish. But when I like someone I feel like I exist. So I can’t do anything about it because if and when they say they don’t like me back they’ll disappear and I’ll be inhuman again. i dont know how to explain it better than that. i just want to feel man. Like ofc I occasionally feel real. But most things just don’t feel real at all.”

“i promise theres more humanity in you than just your feelings for others, if that helps”

[bohemian-nights]

Hi, can you please tell me if there are actually evidences that Daemon can be the biological father of Nettles? Cause on Twitter a lot of people seems convinced of this, they say he probably had her with some wh*re in Driftmark, but wasn't Daemon fighting in the Stepstones in that period? I also don't remember this is stated anywhere in the book. Should i re-read Fire and Blood? Help, im confused.

Oh yes, twitter Dumbnyra stans 😒They are another layer to this tacky circus 🎪 that I don’t even want to get into, but don’t worry you aren’t going crazy cause is zero and I do mean zero evidence to support Daemon being Nettles father.

As always they are making sh*t up.

Dumbnyra Stans have taken the highlighted line from the book to say Daemon is Nettles father:

That’s it. That’s their evidence. Never mind that the line specifically emphasizes that he doted on her like one might dote on their daughter. Meaning Maester Norren is literally saying that as a point of reference, aka a comparison, and not to say that she’s his actual daughter.

I can not empathize this enough, they are using a comparison, while ignoring all the rest, like how Daemon bathes and sleeps in the same bed with Nettles, to say Of course Nettles is Daemon’s daughter. He’d never cheat on my Valyran queen with a dirty Black whore😆

🤦🏽‍♀️I wish I was joking about the last part, but they’ve told on themselves so many times now.

Keep in mind that Daemon fled from Westeros for the Stepstones in 111 AC:

He did not return until 115 AC when his first wife had died:

And Nettles is 16 in 129AC and turned 17 sometime before the fifth moon of 130 AC(before she left Maidenpool):



This means that she would have to have been born in early 113 AC, thus making it impossible for Daemon to be Nettles’ biological father since human gestation only lasts for 9 months.

So they are lying and the only reason why they are doing so is because of anti-Blackness and misogynoir.

After all, these are the same people who feel this way:

Simply put, they don’t want Daemon with a Black woman whom he ends up abandoning their white self-insert for.

I stand by the statement that if Nettles were white they'd have jumped from their Titanic of a ship by now. At the very least they wouldn't be having mental breakdowns at the thought of her being on the show calling her dirty and comparing her to animals non-stop.

Now these fans are idiots, but most of them are smart enough to know not to say that since it's blatantly racist.

So they hide behind the daughter thing to make those who ship Daemon and Nettles look like perverted weirdos and while they are just concerned fans to escape the racism charges🤷🏽‍♀️

[mostlymaudlin]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

thank you @decaflondonfog for the tag !! ill tag @sillyunicorn @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

98!! (woah) plus an unrevealed t&n fest fic, so 99. wow i need to do something rly crazy for 100 lol. what if i do a ridiculous crossover of all my fandoms and everyone in the fandom tags will hate me. 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

544,914. (again. woagh)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly all for the game and simon snow series, have dabbled in & posted even less for check please, captain america, and one direction! i feel like i’m missing something but regardless my fixations are hardcore, so all except like 4k of that posted wc is for either aftg or ss hahahha

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all are andreil! boyfriend privileges (4k, T) / Trigger (62k, E) / flashes of intimacy (10k, t) / Would you still love me if I was a worm? (6k, T) / Inside Thoughts (1k,T)

man this is long, rest is going under the cut lol

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not very often, but i wish i did. i am stricken with a combination of being really awkward when people are nice to me & being bad at interacting with anyone in ways i fear could be perceived as ingenuine. im not sure if that makes sense LMAO. and sometimes when i put a story out, i kind of feel like i’ve said my piece — i’ve put so much into it that i don’t really know what else to say!

anyway, i always reply to questions, because that’s got clear social boundaries hahaha, and i DO love talking abt my stories!! and sometimes i’ll reply to comments that really get me thinking. but yeah, i know i reply less than i could, and i want to like double down on the fact that i am endlessly grateful for everyone who has ever left a comment on my work <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have killed simon snow twice lmfao. i’d actually classify icarus as rather hopeful — it’s about grief & healing. but legacies is just fucked up lmfao

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh man, i write a lot of happy endings haha. i feel like even when my story is tonally darker (rare), it still has a happy or at least hopeful ending. this is probably not the correct answer, but i think sing of the moon has a really vividly happy ending. like — the sun rises for the first time in the whole fic! amazing. or maybe my high school au, We Can Live Forever, which is just the happiest thing i’ve ever written. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, thankfully! people are smartasses sometimes but overall ive been lucky. there have been a couple of fics where ive winced before hitting post, but it usually ends up fine

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yessss. i guess i mostly write tender smut, bc i write tender things in general. i think my smut tends to be rather exploratory/playful as well? intentionally sloppy and awkward choreography hahaha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

sort of LOL. once upon a time i was betaing @tea-brigade's medieval snowbaz au, Reliquary of an Arsonist, and there’s this part where three highway bandits mug simon and baz and then get blasted by simon’s chosen one magic. i am sick in the head so im in the google doc like “lol what if its kandreil.” and then i was like… what if it was kandreil….. and so i wrote Reliquary of a Bandit

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! and i’m really thankful for everyone who has done so <3333 shoutout to russian aftg translators, yall go HARD

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i recently collaborated with @thewholelemon on our episode of Star Trek: Redemption, Heart-Shaped Box. by which i mean: i wrote the outline & a few scenes, got really overwhelmed, and jenny turned it into something worth reading! 

i also wrote Good Boy in the snowbaz stoner verse with @starwarned, which was rly fun — we sat in the google doc for like, 5 hours trading back and forth on POVs as we wrote pure porn together LOL. it’s funny to think about this, because lauren knows like everything abt me now but we did not know each other as well back then!!! and we were just like “yeah lets write porn together” hahahahha 

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

right now it is deeefinitely andreil… they are everything to me for reasons i just cannot possibly be brief about LOL so ill just leave it at that

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have a postcanon snowbaz time travel/time loop wip that i was going to try to write for COBB this year but i fucked up the deadlines then the brainrot was like “guess that means more andreil !”. i did SO MUCH research for it and i think it’s rather clever and smutty and fun bc they are yeeted back to watford era! but it’s also dealing with snowbaz, who are in their late 20s and are like in a relationship low point/actively fighting when they end up in the loop… so they are dealing with that tension at the same time as they are trying to get out of the loop. and also fucking around watford to fulfill fantasies HAHAHA

16. What are your writing strengths?

characterization is the thing i care most about! and i think that’s the draw of fanfic in particular to me — i love getting such a grasp on a character that i can translate them into endless situations while still making them feel true to self. i rarely let myself publish anything until i can read through the whole thing without any he would not fucking say that moments hahahha. this is of course pertaining to my own interpretations of the characters, which is the only thing i care abt lmfao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i rely a lot on body language because im always writing abt reticent fuckers who cant use their words. but i think i sometimes overcompensate, or describe actions that don't actually fit the scene. i've seen this described as "cheek-biting" -- like, throwing in action during a conversation just to delay the pacing/further the tone, but when you really look at it, it's not necessary. (cheek-biting being like, "character bites at their cheek" in the middle of a tense conversation)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don’t really know any other languages! i think i’ve put a little bit of french in neil/kevin/baz POVs before, but my french knowledge is elementary at best. love the idea of it though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

one direction babyyyyyyyy !! i wrote quite a bit of it in like 2012-2015 but published very little. there’s 1 on my ao3, some lost somewhere on fanfiction.net (i dont rmr my username lol), and tons in my folders from my old laptop lol.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmmmm. im gonna cheat bc i cant pick a single favorite. i always say i think No Turning Back is some of my best writing from a craft standpoint, and it also includes my favorite type of conflict (andrew self-destructing lol). however, i reread both that fic & We Can Live Forever on a plane trip recently after not having touched either for 6+ months — and the solidness of We Can Live Forever actually surprised me, especially because i wrote the majority of that fic while i was stoned and also view it as just exceedingly silly. the world of it is just very rich, and also very very different from the typical character backstories, and i’m very proud of how much that reread played with my heartstrings.  

ok last one — there are several installments of my flashes of intimacy series that i come back to a lot, because i’m proud of what they each accomplish in 500 words. especially because i often turn to those when im trying to express my own emotions lol. specifically, my favorites are picking fights, i don’t mind, swimming lessons, and practicing gratitude.

that was such a bullshit and cocky way to answer this lmfaooooo. but tbh i am my own biggest fan and that is by design — i write stuff so that i can reread it months later and have it be perfectly catered to my tastes. i love all my fics <3