#leaving someone to be friends with their abuser. after seeing the aftermath of what that assault and abuse had done to them

[townofcrosshollow]

I've learned from my mistakes and grown from them. I've lent an ear to criticism, internalized it, evaluated it, put in the work required to do better. I'm on my way to a future where I don't have to worry about these problems anymore, because they've been dealt with and I have the tools to deal with them again. I'm learning to be kinder to myself, and that being kinder to myself involves admitting my flaws and working to improve them.

I truly believe that the best feeling in the world is knowing you've put in the work to get better ❤️❤️❤️

[pharawee]

Gather around, fellow BL aficionados, it's time for part four of my Pit Babe novel commentary.

(And if you want to catch up, here are parts 1, 2 and 3.)

A word of warning: since I'm pretty far into the novel now (every post summarises five chapters) expect heavy spoilers, plot twists and revelations.

Oh, and omegaverse shenanigans. So many omegaverse shenanigans. You've been warned.

Also, a small warning for talk about and the aftermath of SA. As usual, please take care. 💜

Now, where were we? Oh, yeah: Way is the big bad enigma and he's been hypnotising Babe all this time - but gently (tm) because, you see, Way really, really loves Babe so that makes it all right...

Yeah, no. Get fucked, Way.

Currently, Way is still passed out on the floor, but as soon as Babe has come to terms with whatever the hell just happened, Charlie (who came to Babe's rescue just in time, remember?) offers to wake him up.

How? Oh, that's easy. He can put people to sleep at will. It's one of the many powers he absorbed from other powered alphas. That's his whole thing: he steals powers and just keeps them - like Rogue in X-Men but without any of the downsides. And as long as he's alive, the powers stay with him, never to return to their previous owner. Unless they die, in which case Charlie loses that particular power forever. Which in turn means that if Charlie dies... but keep that in mind for later.

Oh, and another one of Charlie's powers: changing his scent at will. Goddammit, Charlie.

As for how he knew that Babe was in danger? Jeff told him because he can see into the future. X-Men omegaverse, here we go.

But anyway, when Way wakes up he's confused because the last thing he remembers is SAing his supposed best friend. Now there's Charlie staring daggers at him, and one very angry Babe. Since Way is pathetic (but not the good kind) he attempts to explain: yes, he's actually Babe and Charlie's adoptive brother. Their father sent him to lure Babe back home and, well, get him pregnant. That was ten (10) years ago.

But, you see, Way is such a nice guy (tm), he didn't want to force Babe! Instead, he set out to ruin him for everyone else, thereby making it impossible for him to grow or heal or trust or love. Whenever Babe met someone he connected with, Way swooped in to poison his mind. And whenever Babe recoiled from that new connection, he turned to Way - the only person he could 100% trust. Or so he was made to believe.

So the Babe we meet at the beginning of the novel (and series) isn't really Babe at all. It's the version of Babe Way wants him to be - and for what? For ten years of pining and mindfuckery? What the hell kind of plan is this?

Oh yeah, the kind that gets you punched in the face. Thank you, Babe, you're really speaking my mind here.

And this is the part where the novel really shines because it doesn't just gloss over the implications of abuse. It doesn't leave Way's many empty apologies uncommented:

"I know what I did was unforgivable. I—" "Did you just realize this? Are you like this because I found out just in time?" Babe's voice boomed as anger flared in his heart. No matter how hard he tried to suppress it, he couldn't. "When I'm unconscious, you can assume it's okay to do it, right?" "I didn't want to do it at all…" "I don't care!" Babe shouted. "The point is, I don't want it! And you have no right to do this to me!"

But when Way's attempts to nice-guy himself out of his predicament don't work, he tries to shift the blame onto Charlie. Because Charlie lied too and, after all, didn't Way warn Babe about him?

Yeahhh, he's still trying to manipulate Babe. Way isn't sorry at all, he's only sorry he's been caught. Or, as the novel aptly puts it:

For Way, this might be like a love confession. But for Babe, it was no different from admitting his crimes.

But the novel doesn't leave it at that.

"So what's next?" Babe asked in a calm voice. "Should I thank you?" "What…" "I asked if I should thank you because you didn't rape me?" [...] "Should I thank you for not forcing me to bear your child?" "Babe…" “Even for my life, my body, and everything about me, I still have to wait for your mercy?”

And that's that. Ten years of (false) friendship have been erased just like that.

Really, I'm sorry for adding so many quotes but this whole chapter is just perfect in its blunt directness. It excels in giving Babe back his autonomy - the very thing Way has taken from him.

We'll return to our regularly scheduled omegaverse shenanigans after this bit:

"Did you know that every time you said that [there was never anyone suitable for me], it made me feel like I didn't deserve anyone's love?" [...] "And it's as if the only love I can receive is love from you…" Babe's sobs were so loud that his voice trailed off, but he took a deep breath and continued talking: "…but you never asked me what I really want." [...] "You only care about your own desires. You want to have me. You want to have children. You tried to make me love you and then agree to have children with you. Even though you always knew that I never wanted to have children." "I know you don't want to have children. And I know why," Way replied with a look that seemed to understand. But Babe knew that he didn't understand anything, not at all. "But because I know. That's why I want to change your mind." "It's not your job to change me."

And then, when Way has the audacity to try and hug him, Babe throws him over his shoulder and slams him right onto the floor, and even Charlie is like, damn, guess for a moment there I forgot how amazing Pit Babe is.

Damn right he is!

Later that night, things are winding down and Charlie insists on staying with Babe - just to make sure he's all right. Because unlike some people (!) he actually knows when to give Babe some space, and so he settles down on the couch in the living room while Babe stays in his bedroom.

But, understandably, Babe can't sleep. There's too much on his mind, none of it particularly good. He misses Charlie and, really, he's in dire need of an emergency hug.

It's Babe who approaches Charlie (only of course Charlie knew all along because he has super hearing now and he heard Babe's tossing and turning. Goddammit Charlie). They reconcile and it's really sweet because, in stark contrast to Way, Charlie's apology is heartfelt and reassuring and full of compassion. He also knows that Babe has been through a lot, so when Babe engages in their usual ritual of make-up sex, Charlie is hesitant:

Babe is so strong that he can lift bigger people and throw them to the ground. But believe me, no one is mentally strong enough to not be hurt by dirty things like that.

I just love how clear and concise the novel is on this part.

Anyway, they talk it out and Babe says that he wants to try anyway. What follows is a really sweet sex scene (but don't worry, Babe's still getting railed by his daddy to his heart's content - some things just don't change). There's talk about wild horses. I don't know why and honestly I'd rather not dwell on it.

Meanwhile, Way is being chewed out by Khun Tony (aka everyone's least favourite adoptive father). He's quite a bit upset but, honestly, what did he expect? He's the one with the stupid plan in the first place. Why did he even agree to let Way pine into Babe's general direction FOR TEN YEARS until he maybe catches feelings? The dude can hypnotise people! Just order him to do his evil immoral job!

But anyway, it's too late now. Babe's powers are already gone so breeding him (whyyy...) is pointless. Tony has a new target now: Charlie.

To my immense relief even Way is like, ew.

But it matters little because daddy dearest has contigency plans in place (and where were these plans TEN YEARS AGO - worst evil alpha breeder ever!). He orders Way to leave X-Hunter and return home immediately - and who knows, once Charlie is out of the picture Babe might end up as leftovers for him. Okay then.

In happier news, Charlie wakes up the next day with Babe's hand on his, well, little Charlie. I'm not being a prude here, that's what Babe calls it. It's a whole conversation, followed by - you guessed it - more sex.

Something is different this time, however. Without hesitation, Babe tells Charlie that he loves him, and then he asks him to be his boyfriend - to which Charlie eventually agrees. More sex happens. Actually, all of this happened during a blowjob which is very on brand for Babe. Things get disgustingly cute when Babe realises that this is the first time they're ~making love~ as boyfriend and boyfriend. This leaves him incredibly shy. Thanks to Way's meddling, he never had a boyfriend, after all. This is his first time being in love, and it's exactly as adorable as it sounds. Only with more mindblowing sex.

This includes sex in Charlie's supercar after a training session right on the racetrack (again I ask, have you even seen the interior of a racecar? How? Where? And who's cleaning this up? The mechanics??) as Jeff and Alan watch from afar.

"Why don't the two of them get out of the car?", Jeff said quietly as he looked at Charlie's car which had been parked near the finish line for a while and he saw no signs of it coming down.

Oh, my sweet summer child.

But yes, I'm happy to report that Jeff and Alan are probably going to be a thing in the novel too. This Jeff isn't a mechanic though. He doesn't even study engineering but oceanography (because he likes the ocean even though he's never seen it - live your dreams, my dude!).

As they sit and bicker, Jeff is suddenly struck by what seems to be another vision of the future. Whatever it is, it can't be good because it makes Jeff cry. Uh-oh.

He asks Charlie to meet him at his condo, and Charlie immediately notices that something's wrong. Only this time it's not Babe he needs to worry about. It's all of them.

I'm worried too but mostly for my own sanity.

Remember when I first explained about Tony's evil breeding program? Ah, those were easier, more pleasant times. Because now Tony figures that if he can't get an enigma to impregnate Charlie, he'll just get Charlie to impregnate an omega (because apparently there's a 50% chance that the baby will be an alpha with special traits - why is this novel explaining Mendel's laws of omegaverse inheritance to me?) .

Jeff is an omega.

And this is what Jeff saw: if they don't act now, at some point in the future Tony will have Charlie and Jeff brought back "home" and use aphrodisiacs on them (one up for the trope counter!). Jeff will get pregnant and as soon as their baby is born Tony will dispose of both Jeff and Charlie. This will cause Babe to seek revenge and get killed in the process.

What did I just read?

The novel keeps this from us for a while, and just casually mentions that Charlie isn't overly worried. He even finds the time to be jealous when one of Babe's old acquaintances shows up to Charlie's next race. They argue. The race starts without them reconciling, so naturally that means Charlie has an accident during the race.

It's bad enough that he's transported to the ER. But as the whole team anxiously awaits any kind of news, Babe realises in dawning horror that his heightened senses are slowly returning to him. He can hear Charlie's slowing heartbeat and the doctors fighting to reanimate him.

He listens as Charlie is pronounced dead.

The novel then cuts to Charlie's funeral which is only attended by a handful of people, mostly members of Team X-Hunter. Babe does not cope well at all but at least he's got Alan and Jeff to take care of organisational things.

Speaking of Alan and Jeff. These two have grown quite a bit closer. Close enough that Jeff asks Alan to let him take a look at Charlie's crashed car. The police are already investigating but Jeff wants to see for himself. Hm.

Meanwhile, Babe is alone at his condo, going through several stages of grief all at once (really, it's heartbreaking but so is the length of this post so I'm trying to keep things short). He's interrupted during the bargaining stage by someone knocking at the door. It's Way and he's come to offer his help. Babe might be grieving but he's not stupid, and so they meet up at a coffee shop nearby.

Way all but confirms that Charlie's accident was Tony's doing. What he meant to do was incapacitate Charlie but unfortunately Charlie died. OOPS. What a brilliant plan, really.

Seems like even Way has had enough of Tony's evil schemes so he's banded together with another enigma in order to bring Tony down. Said enigma is actually Tony's eldest "son" who seems to have escaped from his control to do his own (financially very successful) thing and bide his time until Tony eventually slips up.

That enigma is none other than Pete.

That's right. Pete and Way have teamed up to bring down Tony, and they're asking Babe to help them. Babe tentatively agrees.

While this is going down, Jeff visits some random uncle's secluded house. He's greeted by none other than Charlie (now somewhat worse for wear but very much still alive) who's faked his own death with the help of a man named Reval. Charlie feels guilty for lying to Babe again but they can't involve him in this: once hypnotised, he's still under Way's influence (uh-oh...) and could risk all of their careful planning.

Their plan? Getting rid of Charlie's powers before Tony can get to them.

This is where Reval comes in. He also has powers: he can somehow disconnect an alpha (or omega or enigma, I suppose) from their powers - which is apparently a very difficult and time-consuming process (and would otherwise kill the alpha), especially with someone with as many powers as Charlie.

Why does Reval do this? Oh, he's Babe's real father who's been in hiding until now out of shame and guilt (and some memory loss). Surprise!

Also, very convenient. 🤡

[flowerwiththemachinegun]

Nsfw. dubcon/noncon, intoxicated reader, domestic violence, Angeal x reader, Sephiroth x reader, forced Angeal x Sephiroth

Angeal is such a lover, the only one of the three that will love you properly. The only one that deserves you. I just feel like that’s a man who really knows how to love. But unfortunately he’s stuck on the sidelines, watching the torment Sephiroth puts you through.

______________________________________

Angeal, who waits outside of your apartment door while listening to you and Sephiroth argue. Who gave you his number to call him whenever things started going too far left. He’s not eavesdropping, not trying to anyways, Angeal’s simply there to make sure you’re safe. Also making sure Sephiroth doesn’t do anything too regrettable, he hardly understands what a healthy relationship is with most people. Nature versus nurture Angeal assumed, perhaps it was both. It’s not like Sephiroth’s life has ever been particularly easy in the slightest and it has very clearly taken a toll on his mental wellbeing. It’s definitely not as though Sephiroth had many figures to look up to, nearly everyone only used him to accomplish their own goals. It’s not an excuse to tear down such a perfect being.

Angeal remembers every cruel word he’s heard Sephiroth say to you. Talking to you as though you’re disposable, as though you’re nothing more than the dirt under his feet. But Angeal’s always there to pick the shattered bits of you that Sephiroth leaves behind in the aftermath of his abuse. By now he’s sure he knows you better than your own boyfriend. With each time he pieces you back together; lifting you back up and restoring as much as your confidence as Angeal possibly can, getting closer to you.

Oh Angeal hates this.

Nevertheless, he’s still going to stay in the background, convincing you to stay with Sephiroth. Telling you that he will get better for you, Seph just needs time. A lot of time. Yet, Sephiroth just can’t seem to get it together, showing progress for a while but reverting back to toxic behavior. Angeal knows he gave him ample amount of time to start taking care of you the way he would. Everyone runs out of patience at some point, right?

*******************************************************

Sephiroth isn’t very fond of your friendship with Angeal but can’t explain to you why Angeal being protective of you is so utterly wrong. It has nothing to do with Sephiroth’s need to isolate you from everyone, no it can’t be that. Maybe it’s how you talk to Angeal. He can’t stand to see you interact with anyone, jealousy coursing through his veins whenever you treat someone with a shred of human decency. All of your attention, kindness, and time should be solely reserved for him. Had you not worked for Shinra, establishing a high level of value in the company as well, you would've certainly vanished without a trace of you left behind.

“So, do you call each other often?” You’re honest, undoubtedly there would be repercussions if you lied to him. Not that you would lie to Sephiroth, it’s not in you, countered with the knowledge that he would sense your deceit immediately. How often you talk to Angeal bothers him, no doubt. Mulling it over he chooses to wait before he delves deeper into the situation, not opting to trust you, more so to trust Angeal. He’s one of his best friends so why wouldn’t he trust him. You, however, he’s not so sure about.

Sephiroth does find it odd you stopped talking to everyone else but Angeal upon being questioned. You’ve seen the ugly side of Sephiroth when you don’t abide by his rules, experiencing his rage. It hurts, it hurts so much. Nonetheless, he hasn’t told you not to talk to Angeal yet. Hence why you simply don’t stop, he’s the only friend you have left after all. The only friend Sephiroth allows you to have.

***************************************************

It’s only a matter of time before Sephiroth’s mishandling of you grates at Angeal’s nerves. Constantly finding more and more open windows to secure time with you, wanting to show you what it’s like to be with someone who would never hurt you. If Sephiroth’s away on a mission, Angeal is conveniently finding his way at your doorstep. Even going as far as to schedule his lunch around yours if he realized Sephiroth wouldn’t be around.

It’s not as though Angeal’s efforts have gone entirely unnoticed by you. After time passes you can tell his timing isn’t just a coincidence. Perhaps at first sure, but you’re not exactly the most dense person in the world either. For some reason you can’t seem to ever turn down spending time with him, smiling in his presence and fully feeling at peace. It’s just so adorable the way he makes sure you don’t have to clean anything after cooking, the subtle gestures of kindness he offers to you. Showing up at your door to make sure you took care of yourself for the day, whether it be running a bath for you, cooking or ordering anything you’d like to eat, or just providing you with genuine human interaction for the day. Angeal knows how limited you are to the outside world and maybe he abuses that in his own way to be closer to you. But if he’s going to keep making a smile appear on your face he would do anything and Angeal means anything.

**********************************************************

Angeal knows he isn’t very discreet considering his actions. Genesis swiftly caught on, stating that “Every time he’s gone she’s wrapped around your goddamn arm.” He’s not going to tell, sure Genesis doesn’t know the deeper details of your relationship with Sephiroth. What he does know is that Angeal deserves you more(or it’s his pettiness towards Sephiroth), urging him to “at least have fun while it lasts.” Angeal doesn’t want just fun, doesn’t want his time with you to be temporary. Though he can’t help but see truth in Genesis words, maybe he should just enjoy you while he can.

Of all people to listen to it probably shouldn’t have been Genesis, when has he ever been the voice of reason? Now, Angeal finds himself at your doorstep, asking to take you out for the night. Heavens he looks so handsome, gray dress shirt unbuttoned to give you a slight view of his chest. Stepping into your apartment you can’t help but fully take him in, always so well put together, shirt tucked and—why does he smell so good?

You should know better, you certainly do know better. Even still you can’t help but wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he hugged you, burying your face into his chest. Pulling away to get some distance, hands still lingering on his shoulders, you question why he’s there so late and what’s the occasion for him to be dressed up. Claiming that he isn’t sure if you do much outside of work, which you don’t. It’s just work, Sephiroth, repeat. Urging you to get dressed so you could get some “fresh air and a night out” you can’t help but agree. Besides, it would be nice to get out for a change.

**********************************************************

Consequences be damned right, you’ll take that into consideration later. Currently, you’re too busy trying to unbutton Angeal’s shirt, trailing kisses from the exposed skin peeking out and up his neck. He tried to deny you, as weak as an attempt to shed you off of him as it was, he did try. The way you kissed him made Angeal so weak, your lips being as soft as he imagined paired with the sense of desperation. He could be imagining it and that would be just okay with him; it’s as though you’ve been craving him, just as much as he’s craved you.

Upon bringing you home Angeal tells himself he can’t go inside with you, that he should just make sure you make it through the door then head home. That’s what he told himself, you just seemed too drunk to navigate your own home. Making sure you get tucked into bed surely shouldn’t cause any harm. Though you keep touching him, telling him you need him, in turn Angeal starts convincing himself that he’s not taking advantage of you. Telling himself that this is okay because you want him too, that he’s been patient for so painfully long and he deserves a reward.

“I love you.” Whether you meant it right now or not didn’t matter so much, the only thing that matters is Angeal hearing those words slip past your lips as he’s bullying his cock deeper and deeper inside of you. It feels right, there’s not much you’re certain about in this life, but you’re absolutely, undoubtedly positive that this may be as good as it gets. If Angeal’s moans are anything to go by, you’d say he’s also having the time of his life.

Isn’t it sad though, the way you’re thinking about Sephiroth while Angeal is in you? It arouses you even more as you reflect on their friendship, they almost fuck the same. Angeal’s just so much more attentive and giving but he also fucks you equally as rough and is so greedy with your touches, not allowing your hands off of him for a second. There’s some shame in falling in love with and fucking your boyfriend’s best friend. This shame only helps tip you over the edge, locking your legs around Angeal so he has no choice but to cum in you.

***************************************************

It’s almost comical how you pictured the very moment Sephiroth found out about you and Angeal. How you imagined the way he’d drive his foot into your ribs, leaving you gasping for air, how he would choke you until you passed out. What’s a tad bit more amusing, in your fucked up world, is how you predicated the length of this beating. It’s been hours, only occasionally stopping to make sure Angeal’s attention was still on you.

What you didn’t predict was arriving at Sephiroth’s home, being greeted with a completely defeated Angeal. Bloody and bruised, you feel a pang of guilt rush to your chest as Sephiroth quite literally dumps him at your feet. You’re practically glued to the floor with fear, unsure if moving to check on Angeal would prove to be another mistake you’ve made. Why are you scared? Common sense should’ve at least told the two of you to cut ties after the first time you slept with him. In all reality common sense should’ve told you two to leave well enough alone from the moment you met. But you are scared despite putting yourself in this situation, you can’t help but be terrified as you look into Sephiroth’s eyes as he approaches you letting you know that, “it’s your turn.”

At some point Sephiroth had the consideration to grab Angeal from where he sits on the floor. Throwing him onto the couch and turning his attention back to you, ordering you to take off your clothes. He wants to see the reason you couldn’t keep your hands off of Angeal, something about fucking him must make you really goddamn stupid. It was foolish of both of you to think you could hide this from Sephiroth. You always knew he would find out, but when? The right question to ask might be, how long has he known?

Angeal’s refusal to look at you is laughable, eliciting a chuckle from Sephiroth. “You can’t bear to see her naked anymore? Does it bother you all of a sudden Angeal?” He doesn’t speak, when you think about it you haven’t heard Angeal say anything the entire time. That’s okay, Sephiroth doesn’t need him to talk. Moving next to Angeal he begins stripping him, eyes lingering over Angeal’s half hard member as he pulls his boxers down. Maybe he needs to feel what you feel.

“You like making her feel better right? Then make her feel good, Angeal.” Angeal isn’t sure what part of this situation is worse, but currently all he can feel is disgust. He’s so hard while you ride his dick, you’re a sobbing mess, and no he shouldn’t get off on this. Neither of you wanted to do this but it’s not as though Sephiroth is giving you a choice. Going so far as to grab your hips, helping you ride Angeal. “You can’t slow down, not when he’s this close.”

“Look what you’ve made me do, I can’t just let you go.” That’s how it started off as he forcibly bent Angeal over the couch, “Now you have no choice but to die by my side as well.” An invitation? No, more like a contract, he wants to keep both you and Angeal. It doesn’t sound like too bad of an idea, the two people in this world that know Sephiroth best under his ownership.

Angeal looked lifeless as Sephiroth fucked into him, trying disconnect himself entirely from the situation at hand. After being beaten into submission there wasn’t much he could do but take what was being given to him. You wanted to help considering the situation but even if you were in good enough shape you wouldn’t be able to take on Sephiroth. All you can do is beg for forgiveness so he would stop, trying to reason with him through your sniveling. “You would do anything to be forgiven, but would do nothing to prevent such a situation.”

The vile being within you is almost thankful he won’t let you look away, watching Angeal’s cock sway as he’s getting fucked, eyes following the precum dripping from him. He looked so betrayed by himself the first Angeal came, it was such a sight but you’re not supposed to be enjoying this.

Sephiroth reaches around, slowly stroking Angeal and rubbing his thumb over his tip. Is it wrong to enjoy watching this as much as you do? Probably, but Angeal is leaking so fucking much you just can’t look away, the way he’s trying to choke down his moans is sending you. “It’s okay to like it, Angeal. You don’t have to hold back.” Now Angeal is the one that’s crying because he does like it. Sephiroth is certainly going to keep you both, on the inside it excites you. Does this not benefit everyone in their own fucked up way?

_________________________________________

I would definitely stand in the middle of a busy highway if it meant I could get a chance at being sandwiched by these two. But at least it’s a throuple? Toxic, but hey it’s a hot one. Now where tf is Genesis, no man left unfucked.

[epicthemusical]

Thoughts/HC for Perimedes and Elpenor

WARNING ABUSIVE PARENTS AND UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS

a lot of this was inspired from this fic series and this Tumblr user so check both of them out!

@amazingmsme

Now as the two youngest crew members they are definitely effected a lot more by the war. They have just barely considered men when they leave. One thing they both have in common is they don't know what it is like to actually have a father(will explain later)

Past/home life:

Okay so for Perimedes he is an only child with abusive parents. His parents used to show how much they loved each other but the marriage went downhill and now all the do is argue. The parents often yell and hit him in their anger. Perimedes had to learn to take care of himself and not depend on anyone else. He also learned that love is something toxic and should be avoided. Caring for someone leads to getting hurt.

Now for Elpenor. Elpenor is the oldest of 3 the other two being twin sisters and toddlers when he leaves. He grew up without a father for majority of his life since his dad died early in his life. As the only guy left in the family he teaches himself to hide any of his pain from others because he felt he had to take care of the family in his father's place.

Interactions with the crew

Perimedes keeps his distance emotionally from everyone on the crew. Nobody manages to get through his high walls he has built. The first person to find their way inside his walls is Elpenor. He doesn't know how they did it maybe it was the feeling of being needed,to be relied on. Maybe it was the fact they are the youngest on the crew and similar ages. Maybe it's his smiles and laughter that made Perimedes feel happier and lighter. Whatever it was it terrified him. Eventually another person manages to make it through his walls, Polites. He doesn't know how he feels about Polites. It's different than he feels with Elpenor. He learns to look up to Polites and is the person he goes to with his issues and looks to him for guidance. Polites helps teach him about life and how to do things ranging from how to sail a ship to the aftermath of his first kill. It isn't till after Polites dies that he realizes that he had seen Polites as a father figure or at least what a father SHOULD have been. The pain from his death enforces the idea he has that caring about someone leads to being hurt and he pushes away Elpenor scared of how much Polites death hurt him. When Elpenor dies at Circe island he doesn't notice still determined to avoid him so when he sees Elpenor in the Underworld Perimedes feels so guilty over not being there for him.He decides then and there to never love anyone or anything other than himself ever again.

Elpenor had two masks he puts on for the crew at first. The first mask tries to show how mature and dependable he is because that's all he knows from home. Eventually he realizes that as the youngest he doesn't have to be dependable, that nobody needs to rely on him and it feels freeing. However after he gets rid of the first mask he has a second one that hides any of his pain behind pranks, smiles, and laughter. He still can't bring himself to show his issues to the crew. He sees Perimedes and how detached he is and is determined to become his friend. It takes a lot of time but he is so happy that his efforts finally pay off and they become close friends. Just like Perimedes he looks up to Polites as his father figure. The only two of the crew he lets his second mask drop around is Perimedes and Polites. He never really understood why some of the crew turns to alcohol as he never liked it himself preferring to talk out his issues with the two people he trusts. But then Polites dies and it hurts to lose his father figure. After that Perimedes turns colder and pushes him away leaving him alone. The two people he trusted and kept close are no longer there for him. After watching all the men die to Poseidon he has a lot of nightmares and by the time they arrive at Circe island the nightmares along with the fact Perimedes is still keeping his distance he decides to turn to alcohol for the first time. He sits up on the roof looking up at the sky. He drinks and drinks hoping it will make him forget, that it will dull the pain. Before long he can't think just like he wanted. Everything seems so far away when he accidentally walks off the roof. He sees the crew from the banks of the river in the underworld as he calls out to Perimedes all he can say is his last thoughts.

I died and nobody noticed...

I died and nobody cared...

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Mommy Dearest 2.0

This time it's about Bed Friend!

And it's not about the mothers in Bed Friend as much as it is about everyone's favorite Walking Green Flag: King and how he is Thinking, Watching, Evaluating Uea and his relationship to his mother. Because I've been thinking about this a lot since Episode 4 and I just haven't gotten around to writing about it yet.

Within five minutes of this show airing, we as an audience know exactly what Uea's relationship to his mother is. We know how completely and precisely she is responsible for his trauma both in the past and in the present. But no one else does.

King certainly doesn't.

But, King is perceptive, and King, by way of the narrative, is present for (or the cause of) a great number of Uea's triggers throughout the show so far. And he has no context for them outside of his own observations, but again, King is perceptive.

So the lights go out and Uea crumples in the parking lot. And at this point, maybe King doesn't know what happened (that Uea is scared of the dark) he just knows Uea is having a strong reaction to something.

Uea sees the abuse he has suffered at the hands of his mother

King sees a panic attack.

So Uea and the rest of the office go out for drinks and Uea sits in the back and watches everyone have fun, until he is alone in the bathroom and gets a text.

Uea sees the abuse of filial piety at the hands of his mother

King sees Uea's sudden shift in behavior from being introverted and sipping a drink in the corner, to drinking everything in sight

Shout out to reflections in this show for giving me endless moments of King looking at Uea.

Episode 2

King is grappling with his guilt and concern for Uea in the aftermath of their one night stand, and he (as usual tbh) spends a lot of his time staring right at Uea. Trying to pick apart every facial expression Uea makes.

Uea gets a call

and the next thing King knows Uea is rushing out of work early, panicked and heading to the hospital. And so he tries to help by driving Uea there.

What Uea sees is his mother, whose accident was not super severe, manipulating him, blaming him for the accident, and once again asking him for money, in a way he isn't able to ignore or avoid.

Uea has his typical shut down reaction to the interaction, but crucially in episode 2, King is there to witness Uea's relationship to his mother. He's able to see the way Uea's mother demands money from him, he's able to better contextualize Uea's behavior changes.

And when Uea's mother leaves after being given way too much of both Uea and King's money, where are King's eyes trained?

Right at Uea, and the entire exchange in the hospital when King enters the scene, King keeps looking between Uea's mother and Uea, trying to analyze the situation.

""You heard all that, didn't you?" "Yes," "I'm...sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

And this moment is great to me because we have a #respectfulKing on our hands who will not pry, or push Uea to tell him anything. He doesn't act expectant or entitled to any context or backstory of Uea's that might help explain this situation. But as we, the audience, know, King is in love with Uea, and as such I think King really wants to set himself up to be a safety zone for Uea. He wants Uea to feel comfortable, he wants Uea to feel loved, and we won't know that Uea trusts King like that until he starts talking about his history.

So King still doesn't know Uea's trauma history, but he wants to, he wants Uea to know that he has someone that cares, and so King starts to shift how he approaches conversations with Uea. Sometimes, very intentionally, and sometimes not, but every time he does it has the effect of hitting on some very specific parts of Uea's trauma.

When they get STD testing: "Why are you embarassed? We didn't do anything wrong." King might be able to sense Uea's shame/internalized homophobia, he certainly saw the panic in Uea's eyes when his Mom asked "Is this your boyfriend?" but I don't think he understands how strongly he is striking at the root of Uea's issues. His mother used to lock him in the bathroom, tell him she would beat him to death, and call him a slut. Having casual, one-night stand style sex is anxiety and guilt inducing for Uea because it meets his definition of 'slut', something he never felt like he was allowed to be.

This post is Uea's mother (and family) specific so I won't really get in to the P'Pock trauma here, but King is present to witness Uea turn and try to hide his face when he sees Pock from across the mall, and that is another thing he takes and files away.

Because King is so finely honed in on Uea's emotions (and because Uea is very obvious with his emotions), King knows something is still bothering Uea after their STI test and after dinner and he navigates a conversation about the differences people can have and want from sex, intimacy, and love. Once again striking at the crux of Uea's issue, the internalized homophobia Uea has had beaten in to him by his mother.

Episode 3

King has now seen how Uea interacts with his mother, has gotten a better understanding of his personal perceptions on sex and love, has seen him have at least one panic attack, and King is trying to fill in the blanks from there.

So Uea gets these texts in the middle of a conversation with King

"Are you avoiding my calls?" "I'm just asking for a little bit of money," "You have to come home this Sat," "Your Dad asked about you," "Don't accept the call?"

And where is King looking? Right at Uea's phone. But I don't think he's reading the messages, honestly it's probably too far away and the message are coming in pretty fast. But I'm sure that King is at the very least, able to see that Uea is getting spammed with messages from his mother, and he's able to see the way Uea's body language changes as a result.

"What happened, Uea?" King asks, because he is concerned, because he sees the way Uea retreats into himself whenever his mother is involved.

"My Mom wants me to go home," Uea replies

"You should go home,"

Now, the "you should go home," statement I find very interesting considering the conversation on Episode 4 this whole post is leading up to. That King of all people would see how Uea and his mother interact with one another and suggest that Uea go home. I think here King misinterprets what Uea is saying. By that I mean, I think Uea is actually answering King's "what happened?" as if he is answering "what's wrong?' and King is assuming that Uea is deflecting the question and just making a general statement "I have to go home tonight." King saying "you should go home," is him telling Uea it's okay to bail on whatever plans they may have been floating about hooking up that evening.

"King...tonight you can come if you want to,"

We've seen it before and we will see it again, Uea processes and regulates his emotional state through sex, through physical intimacy.

"You don't go home?"

Finally! Some semblance of an admission from Uea that something is wrong. Some honesty and a nod that Uea is starting to trust in King. King sees that and takes the opportunity to try and determine the extent of the trust he is being given.

"Are you okay, Uea?" and to me, it demonstrates a shift in their relationship, that Uea doesn't lie. He still can't tell King the truth, that he's not okay. He still can't put his emotional vulnerabilities out into the world like that, but he can stop pretending that he's okay. He can simply not respond and therefore give King the honest answer.

Throughout the show, one of Uea's coping mechanisms is sex, to seek out joy and pleasure from physical intimacy since he can't rely on emotional intimacy.

Shout out to the translation of the background OST music

It's important to me that we are shown a moment of non-sexual intimacy between King and Uea rather than sex immediately after the conversation about home. Not that sex is inherently wrong, obviously that is not the case, but because their relationship started with sex and needs to grow into something with a strong and healthy foundation. Because we need to see, and Uea needs to see that King cares for him outside of what his body can provide. Uea needs to see that King is not just in this for the sex, but that he wants more from it. So we get this lovely little moment...

...and then King accidentally triggers Uea. Uea sees his stepfather, and King sees

Fear.

Honestly, thinking about color analysis the fact that when Uea is talking about not going home he is absolutely suffocating under all that yellow, a color we know is associated pretty heavily with his childhood under the guise of striving for happiness, wishing and hoping for it. And when Uea is triggered and incapable of hiding his emotional state, he is surrounded by clear glass???? (Thoughts @respectthepetty?)

Another panic reaction from Uea, and King has yet another indication that something is wrong. Now, again we as the audience have been made aware that Uea's step-dad is the reason why he is reacting this way. But King doesn't have that same knowledge.

What he does have, is the knowledge of the previous conversation where Uea mentions he hasn't been home in a long time. What he does have, is the entire exchange in the hospital.

So though he can't know exactly what it is that caused Uea's reaction in this scene, and he can't know for sure that it has to do with Uea's family. King definitely has to know by now that something is wrong with Uea's family.

And after Uea has processed his own emotions at the memory of his childhood and he invites King back, King reaches out again to Uea. Trying to get a better understanding of why it is Uea is engaging in this FWB in the first place. And Uea says something he believes but that is fundamentally untrue, "I guess I just want to fuck up my life more," and we know this is untrue because King has been nothing but kind, attentive, devoted, open, and altogether healthy with Uea from the start of their FWB agreement.

But again, Uea is starting to trust King, so he follows up his half truth with a whole one "My life isn't great after all," and this is the truest thing I think Uea has ever said to King.

And it's important to me too, that Uea is actively and currently experiencing trauma by way of Pock in this show, and that King is around to witness all of that. Because it forces Uea and King to have conversations about it, it shows Uea that King cares about him, that he would fight for and protect him, it makes King fully aware that Uea has a lot of shit going on. It shows Uea how King does navigate potentially traumatizing situations with Uea and the that he doesn't pity or coddle Uea, but he does care, and he does check in, and he does want to genuinely know what is wrong.

And he can do that with Pock because Uea can't avoid talking about Pock when King is the one literally prying Pock off of Uea. But King wasn't there for Uea's childhood abuse, he wasn't there for the dinner at Uea's Mom's house, he is completely oblivious to the extent of Uea's childhood trauma. So he has to wait for Uea to come to him about it. He has to wait for Uea to trust him enough to share that part of himself.

Where previously Uea has retreated from everyone when actively triggered, not upset or frustrated like when he gets texts about money from his Mom but actually and actively coming down from flashes, this time he seeks King out. He is finding more comfort in King, so he calls when he could be alone. And he tries to push his emotions down, he tries to drown them out in King but this is too fresh, and King is too aware of Uea...

"Uea, is everything alright? You look anxious,"

"A little bit,"

Please picture me rubbing my hands together with glee. UEA IS HONEST! WITH HIS FEELINGS! AFTER MEETING WITH HIS MOTHER!! and King stops the physical interaction. He will not take advantage of Uea's emotional compromise. He wants Uea to be calm, he wants Uea to be regulated. Again he doesn't push or pry, he just helps Uea redirect his anxious energy in to self care. He gives Uea a birthday cake.

And boom!

Another accidental hit at a fundamentally horrible life experience of Uea's. His mother completely ignoring his birthday, leaving him to celebrate alone with only a candle. King gives him cake, shows him he cares, Uea has a chance to celebrate his birthday. And you can tell in the scene how touched Uea is that King did this for him.

But still Uea won't talk to King about it. So I think it's at this point King starts changing tactics. He will start opening up to Uea and see where that gets him.

"I'm tired,"

"What happened?"

"It's about my mom. She called me to come home. Do you have any plans for this weekend? Can I go to your room?"

"What? Don't you come home? You told me your Mom wants you to,"

(cough cough DIRECT PARALLEL cough)

"Yes she wants me to. But I don't. She's a grumpy lady,"

and GOD THANK YOU JAMES FOR UEA'S REACTION TO THIS CONVERSATION BECAUSE IT IS EXQUISITE.

I wish I had a gifset to do it proper justice, but the way Uea is doing mental calculus here, the recognition, the surprise, and the hesitation he is portraying in having Uea initiate this conversation?

When I watch this scene I can't shake the feeling that there is this little, hopeful part of Uea that wants King to say "Yes," that that might be the thing that pushes Uea to be honest with King. To tell King the truth of what he's been through at this hands of his mother and step-father.

...but King says "Not exactly," and starts talking about his brother the perfectionst and Uea just...

shuts down. Because King has said the wrong thing, because Uea has decided that King would not understand what he has been through if he is complaining that his mother is grumpy because he doesn't meet his brother's standards. And while that is something that I do this Uea related to (seeing as he is the unwanted child who gets no love from his parents compared to his sister) to have King say he doesn't really have problems with his family makes me think that Uea does not think that King has an abuse problem with his family.

And because Uea, despite the way his family treated him relative to his sister, loves his sister dearly, while King seems to harbor some resentment towards his own brother.

And this is the fascinating part of this show for me, this is the scene I keep coming back to because I think this is the scene that sets the rest of the events in motion with Uea and King. Because King's mother is going to start getting in the way of their relationship. Because King is trying to get Uea to open up to him here. He is trying to be vulnerable with his feelings about his mother to Uea in the hopes that Uea will be open about his feelings about his mother. But King fundamentally misunderstands how terribly Uea is has been treated. King fundamentally misunderstands how much of the triggers he has witnessed from Uea are from his parents as opposed to from Pock.

If King had said "yes, I do have problems with my family" in this scene I whole-heartedly believe that Uea would have told him the truth about his own troubles here.

Uea is desperate to trust King, he is certainly already in love with King by this point. (If you had to ask me, Uea realized he was in love with King in episode 3 when King checks up on him outside after Pock harasses him the first time). But he's been hurt so much, and fundamentally believes that he is un-loveable, so every moment where there is a possibility of betrayal makes Uea retreat further and further.

Uea wants to trust King and we know this because when they are alone in the pool, Uea starts telling King about Lampang, about his cousins there, about how he is from there. We know this because when Uea's drunk and he therefore has less control over the wall he has built, he is the one to initiate intimacy with King. Not sexual intimacy, romantic intimacy, on the beach, at sunset.

And so the test begins.

Episode 5

Unfortunately for King, his mother is continuing to get in the way of him and Uea becoming official.

We know Uea is moving towards changing the status of his relationship to King from FWB to boyfriends, because he starts trying to test King's limits. He doesn't allow King a "reward" for not having sex with him when he was drunk, he starts telling King that he's met the weekly quota, he starts citing their rules more. If King can respect these, if King still wants to hang out with Uea when he knows that sex is not on the table, then surely King must feel the same way that Uea does.

And King, knowing that Uea trusts him more, that he's testing him, but that he's also tolerating King pushing their rules a little bit, has another opportunity to try to get Uea to fully open up to him when they go to dinner. When Uea gets the text from his mother asking about money. When King looks at him, concerned, and says "Uea,"

But before he can ask Uea anything, before he can check up on Uea at all...

King's mother calls, and sets everything in motion. King is being sent on an arranged date. King wants Uea to trust him. King wants Uea to fight for them. King wants to know where he is at with Uea and Uea is too scared of getting hurt, and so he ignores the question. He tells King that only King is able to decide if he wants to go on the date on or not. King spends so much of Episode 5 after this conversation trying to show Uea that he doesn't want anyone else.

And King gets that final confirmation that he is a safe zone for Uea when the lights go out at the end, and he is able to calm Uea down just from telling him he will hold him through the night. This is also a great indication to King that Uea has a fear of the dark, since technically in the first episode King would not necessarily have been able to connect the dots between the lights going off in the garage and Uea having a panic attack.

Episode 6

Uea and King are circling around each other, King is ready to admit. Uea is trying to throw out hints that he would say yes to being boyfriends if King asked him.

And King was going to, on the phone, you could see it!

But NO! No he doesn't ask here, because he wants it to be special! Because why would he ask Uea to be his boyfriend on a fake phone call when he could ask Uea to be his boyfriend on a beach vacation?

And Uea realizes this, because uea is smart. Because uea understands the implications of "I haven't felt this way in a long time," because Uea is hopeful that King feels the same way he does. And he's excited for the first time in a long time about something, and then King's mother gets involved. And King's mother makes him go on a date, and King isn't capable of standing up for himself and for Uea against his mother.

And King tries! King tries to see Uea, tries to get out of the date. Tries everything he can besides actually standing up to his mother to show Uea that he cares about him. To show Uea that he wants him, not whatever woman King's mother is trying to set him up with. But King hasn't had the chance to learn about Uea the way he needs to. King has tried time and time again to get Uea to open up to him, to talk about the strained relationship King knows exists, but doesn't understand to its fully extent.

And as a result of the shame, the self-loathing, the betrayals Uea has suffered time and time again at the hands of the people who are supposed to love him, he will not fight for him and King because he knows how the story ends.

It ends up with Uea alone, except this time he did it to himself. This time he broke King's heart in the process.

ok haha oops, I did it again with the essay. Gold star to anyone who read this whole thing.

[vourequat]

In my room.

Dottore x AFAB!Reader

WARNING: Filth smut, masturbation to the thought of someone, use of fleshlight (making it pink bcz I luv pink), Dottore is absolutely whipped for you, consumption of aphrodisiacs <3

A/N: I never written smut before so I am so sorry for how horrid this is, have I reread and revised this? Why would I? Did I pour my whole cunt into this? Probably but that’s not the point, now focus on baby girl Dottore <3

Dottore was doing his usual routine of checking his clones and seeing if they are doing what they were programmed to do as he looked down upon them from the office of his built for him to observe them, he so happened to be missing you, his beloved friend who he loved more than that but was just too risky to say to you his true feelings and desires so here he was in his office. The blinds from his large window was put down, he was sat in his chair, he was supposed to do some paperwork but his hands found its way to his belt and soon his cock was out that was leaking with his sweet liquid.

His pants filled the room as he kept fisting his cock, he then stopped. His free hand extended towards the drawer of his desk and took out a vial with weird glowing pink liquid, after carelessly taking off its cap he immediately downed the substance and he sat there waiting for the effect to kick in as he lightly stroked his cock to the thought of you bent down on his desk as he fucks your tight pussy from behind as if it was the very last thing he’d do in this world which he would be happy to. He also thought of how pretty you’d look on your knees, his cock just pumping cum onto your face and you’re just welcoming his tasty honey with tongue out letting him mark you up.

After a few minutes he began feeling hot, this was one of the vital signs that his experimental aphrodisiac was working. Then, in a hidden compartment in his office he approached it with cock just bouncing as he walked over it then he pulled out a pink flesh light. He was now furiously moving the flesh light up and down, his pants turning into pathetic whimpers as he thought of how good your pussy would feel but for now, this toy will do but he doesn’t know how long he would keep his desires in.

“O-oh f-fuck… Y/N” He whimpered, it was an adorable delivery but contains the most sinful intentions and meanings.

His hips thrusting into the air as his own hand just tortured his sensitive dick.

“Y/N… oh m-my ah~ fuck… I-I love your p-pussy~” He was so in lost in the pleasure that he was just becoming a babbling mess as the aphrodisiac reached its peak and as he as well with his second time ejaculating thick ropes of white silky liquid into the pink flesh light, the thought of it being your pussy and how he could get you pregnant if you just let him made him drool and made his stomach burst into beautiful butterflies.

His whines became moans, the moans became louder and louder as he neared his climax. His hips were pathetically thrusting to meet his hand’s advances of making him release another thick load into the pink flesh light that could have possibly been new or have been abused way too many times just because of you and your beautiful face that if you weren’t just so innocent to his feelings would have long been dirtied with Dottore’s thick cum.

And with a loud moan he came, he no longer felt the heat of the aphrodisiac so he was now sitting on his chair with his cock still inside pink flesh light as his cum just overflowed from the toy onto his bare lap and pants. He catches his breath as he relaxed himself from an intense session that started with one vial of aphrodisiac and leaving him cumming three times from the mere thoughts of you, he cleaned up his mess afterwards. Cleaning his bare lap and the flesh light, changing his pants, and putting up an act that he wasn’t just masturbating to the thought of his little crush. A knock was then heard outside his office, he headed towards it, breathing deeply and making sure he hides the aftermath of his little session.

Then he opened it to see— “Y/N?”

[thecursedanon]

Masterlist + Requests

(Last updated: 10:45pm - 6/23/24)

Heeeeeellloooo everyone! Curse here, I thought I'd make a masterlist for my fics so they would be easier to find seeing how I plan to make many more fics In the future :3

ALSO! I have an AO3 account if it's easier to read my writing on there. I'm TheCursedAnon on ao3 as well :3

LETS JUST JUMP RIGHT INTO IT--

~REQUESTS ARE NOW OPEN! :3~

I'm operating with 2 fic request slots for now so I can get a feel for them, I can't guarantee they'll be super long because as I've stated previously my muse is a fickle bitch. I'm also not sure how fast I'll be able to get them out because I'm working on my own original non t-word series right now, but I'll do my best! <3

My HC requests are also OPEN, there's no limit on hc's, request as many as you want. :3 also feel free to send me your hc ideas! I love reading them! <3

Guidelines for requests:

I don't write NSFW. I've got nothing against it, It's just not for me lmao.

I don't write other people's OC's. Listen... Y'all, I love OC's, I'll be the first to admit I have a whole like 20 page google doc of OC's from various different fandoms-- but something I've learned over the years is It's really hard to write someone else's OC well, with official characters there's enough content for me to consume to get a feel for them... OC's not so much. :( I'm sorry.

Also, as I'm consuming JJK content, I'm forming a mental list of characters I will not write for... So far there's only a few on the list;

Meimei - I feel like most people will get where I'm coming from with this one. I don't mind writing a few lines of dialogue for her If it's necessary to the plot, but I'm certainly not comfortable making her a lee! or ler!

Toji - Sorry. I actually can't stand this deadbeat father LOL.

Mahito - Seriously, screw this ahole for what he did in Shibuya, I like his design but that's literally IT 😭

I debated putting Kenjaku on the list... but I feel like there are certain scenarios I could make work with him... but just know I don't like him, and he's SORTA on my list lol... depends on the prompt Ig.

Request slot 1: Lee!Yuji, Lers!Nanami, Gojo, Yuta, Choso, Megumi & Todo. (Whoooo boy, Yuji gonna have a busy day XD)

Request slot 2: Empty

~Upcoming Fics~

Lee!Nanami + Ler!Haibara fic - (TW: Mentions of Abuse) Haibara is concerned about Nanami, he's acting really out of character and now he's isolating himself... Haibara makes it his mission to get to the bottom of what's bothering his best friend. (85%)

Lee!Yuji + Lers!Nanami, Gojo, Yuta, Choso, Megumi, Nobara & Todo ~RQ~ - It's Yuji's birthday, what better way to celebrate than by getting the snot tickled out of him by his friends? (Not started)

Amusement park shenanigans pt 3 - Gojo is now raining down hell on EVERYONE. Everyone be catching these wiggling fingers now. (Not started)

Name TBD - The beginning of an AU... :) (2%)

(I'm just now realizing how much comfort I write... LOL)

~Fanfic Masterlist~

1. Amusement Park Shenanigans (Lee!Nanami, Switch!Yuji, Ler!Gojo) - Summary: Gojo decides to take the students to the amusement park, and drags a very unwilling Nanami along with them... after trying to failing to convince Gojo to let him leave, and one too many grumpy remarks from Nanami, Gojo decides to do what Gojo does best... cause absolute chaos. Upload Date: 3/12/24

2. Amusement Park Aftermath (Lee!Gojo, Ler!Nanami, Ler!Megumi) - Summary: Did Gojo seriously think Nanami wasn't gonna get revenge for that little stunt he pulled the other day? Upload Date: 4/5/24

3. Rainy Day (Lee!Yuji, Ler!Nanami) - Summary: Yuji Is super down today, that and he's not been sleeping well due to the nightmares he's been having. His friends, concerned about him go to Nanami with their concerns, and the stoic teacher takes it upon himself to cheer Itadori up. Upload Date: 4/11/24. 🔮NEW🔮

[findmeinthefallair]

Big "T" and Small "t" Trauma Portrayed in The Owl House

Warnings: abuse and trauma mentions ahead.

I thought of putting together a post of its own to highlight an aspect of trauma that has been incorporated into the show. This post will be added to my TOH-related mental health masterpost that will be uploaded after the S3 finale, Watching and Dreaming, is released.

Big “T” traumatic events are singular, standalone, life-altering events that don’t happen repeatedly. The type that replays in your mind weeks, months or years after it happens. They can significantly change your perceptions and physiology, and aren't necessarily just about physical harm. Examples are a car crash, a life-threatening injury, getting publicly humiliated, or a natural disaster.

Small “t” traumatic events are importantly still very distressing, and can repeat over time. One of my therapists described this as drops of water falling on a rock again and again, eroding the rock over time (while big “T” would be a single big smash against the rock that leaves a pretty noticeable crack or two). Examples of small “t” are emotional abuse, a loud noise along a street, and smaller scale versions of bigger events that aren’t an immediate danger or which happen after you have established/reached safety e.g. seeing something that reminds you of someone, that makes you feel distress. If you were a parentified kid, like Hunter (having to overextend himself in dangerous situations to be Belos's punching bag), you will have definitely have experienced small "t" trauma to some degree.

This concept was first introduced to me by the best therapist I had. Each of these two types would be treated in different ways. Both types can be experienced differently by each person, since we each have unique life histories and unique combinations of risk factors (that may worsen one’s mental health) and protective factors (that can improve one’s mental health).

E.g. a car crash may not actually feel like a big “T” trauma experience for some people, while certain incidents of more intense psychological abuse that don’t involve physical harm, could be a big “T” incident for other people because it is life-altering.

I’m pretty sure almost everybody has gone through both “T” and “t” trauma to some degree. If you have been affected by trauma, managing your symptoms, and the way in which you receive support from trusted loved ones (and if you choose to see one, a therapist), will be different depending on whether it is the aftermath of big “T” or small “t” events that need to be attended to. If you have experienced both types, you'd need to attend to each differently. This will manifest differently for each person.

Big “T” events can really quickly change the meanings you subconsciously give to things about yourself (e.g. how strong you thought you were) and things around you (e.g. How safe is the world I live in? In what ways does the world feel different now?), changing those into negative associations. With small “t”, the same thing can happen on a smaller scale but it may be easier to turn those negative perceptions around and nudge them in a positive direction. You may benefit from being equipped with reframing tools e.g. journaling, hanging out with safe people, creative outlets like dance or art classes, etc.

Hunter is written so darn well and the production crew have overall made good distinctions between the big “T” and small “t” incidents that he experienced.

Big “T” incidents in the show are the big reveal in Hollow Mind, watching Belos 'die' (I'm wondering what must've been going through his mind when watching his friends put up the drawings of their loved ones in the refurbished shack..), being possessed, and losing Flapjack. Can’t deny that they were life-altering:

Small “t” incidents he went through include, and there are..........so many of them:

(The number of them that are in Labyrinth Runners alone is bonkers)

but we need to remember that small “t” can still be very distressing to go through: we don’t wanna invalidate or minimize that.

Even in the therapy room, if I have a client who has experienced both types, I may not necessarily attend to a client's big "T" wounds first, even though at first that may seem like the logical formulaic thing to do. Because if the client finds that too painful, we could always start by working on small "t" wounds. That's how case by case things can be for mental health treatment.

For a few other Hunter scenes it is less straightforward, e.g. his manic behaviour in Eclipse Lake:

And the haircut-related panic attack:

though I’m inclined to think these are small “t” because I don’t think he will look back on these incidents years later and become disturbed just by recalling them.

The kind of note I want to end on however...might not be what you'd expect.

One of the other Labyrinth Runners moments is a small "t" event that is not listed above. To this day it is my fave snippet in the entire show even after watching Thanks to Them, because from a clinical and thematic perspective I find it realistic, layered and powerful, so much contained in just under 15 seconds:

Because this little experience, while obviously unpleasant for Hunter (likely getting him to emotionally flash back to the moments where Belos almost killed him) for a short time, was also good for him because a safe trusted person was present to hold the space for him. There is both bad and good at play here, ultimately good because contact/connection was willingly made between them both (Hunter could have chosen to shut him out, but in the 3rd and 4th frames it is so telling how deep down this kid truly wants to connect...which is a basic need anyway).

We in the audience already know that Gus is a safe person - though Hunter doesn't believe that yet - who has come along at last to cross paths with him, outside of the Emperor's Coven and after Hunter has fled from that coven. And Gus asks out of genuine concern, "What's going on with you?" which breaks the icy layer of avoidance and detachment that Hunter has been trying to put up since he dashed out of the Owl House in the middle of his first panic attack.

Re-experiencing trauma can't be totally avoided, but the connection you could experience 1. with the people you trust while they support you, and 2. with yourself while using helpful tools and resources on your own.....especially when you have #1 and/or #2 while you are re-experiencing something difficult memories: that is the powerful stuff that could keep you going.

As you might be able to tell, I love this kid so muchhh 😭 He has helped me connect better with my inner child than ever before, on top of my past therapy sessions, he helps me as a licensed clinician to notice textbook stuff that is applied in a practical way, without me having to do as much guesswork on the go with real clients! And I have read on this site that his story has helped other fans to notice things about themselves that should be attended to with care and love.

[persnicketypomelo]

Hey, if you like characters with very little fics about them like Norrington then I have a character you might like from the horror movie, Crimson Peak, Dr Alan McMichael.

The small amount of people who write for that movie only ever write for Thomas. I think Alan is underrated.

I haven't watched the movie, but I did my best to understand the characters and plot from clips and plot summaries.

spoilers for Crimson Peak, obsessive tendencies, manipulative behavior

Yandere Alan McMichael Headcanons

Alan seems a real sweetheart through and through

The kind of sweetheart to be by his dear childhood friend's side, even while she becomes the bride of someone else

I think an interesting scenario could be either where you take Edith's place as the victim of Sharpe siblings' schemes, or where you meet him in the aftermath

In the event where take Edith's place, his temperament will be far sweeter and more laidback

Its a crush he developed now that you two have blossomed into adults

In an ideal scenario, he would be by your side as your husband, and he will do his damn best to convince you of his vision as well

However, if you truly wish to marry this Thomas fellow over him, he is sound enough to respect your wishes

He will loyally and dutifully stay by your side as your best friend, content to watch you be happy

In this scenario, I surmise the plot would carry on much the same as in the original

Something about your husband and his sister disconcerts Alan, and when he learns of the truth, he makes haste to rescue you

I think, however, a scenario in which you nurture a relationship with him after the ordeal with the Sharpe family, is more interesting

His experience would harden him somewhat, making him more wary and cynical of the world and others

Your sweet and kind-hearted nature would appeal to him greatly, reminding him of something he lost in the traumatic evening he and Edith endured

McMichael knows the world to be full of people capable of vile things masked by kindly demeanors

Yet, you wear your innocence so openly that it simultaneously troubles and endears him

Someone could come along and hurt you, take advantage of your trusting nature, gain your love then leave you broken hearted

With the last possibility, his worry is tinged with jealousy

He can't let that happen to you

There's another aspect to his possessive nature as well

He's been the leftover, the cast-aside before when it came to his first love

It's a feeling he doesn't want to tolerate again

This time, he feels he can right the disappointments of the past, as well as protect you from ever having to endure the same heartbreak

His courtship is sweet, warm like sunshine, and oh-so protective

As a yandere, I don't see him doing anything particularly terrible, especially in comparison to the virility of some other yanderes

But he may or may not employ some underhanded tactics to ensure that other suitors are...unappealing to you

Or you may find that those too romantically intimate with you end up dropping their pursuit, deeming it not worth the strange and intimidating attention of the shadow by your side

I think, due to his protective sentiment towards you, he would be as close to you and occupy as much of a role in your life as you allow him to

And even when you do set boundaries with him, he may or may not be lurking just about the corner, present and aware of aspects of your life greater than what you share with him

He couldn't stand it if you needed his care or protection while he wasn't around

And should you need a guardian--someone to step in for you if you ever find yourself in a precarious situation--how fortunate then that he managed to be in just the right place at the right time

I think he is too well-intentioned to ever purposefully put you in dangerous situations to later rescue you

That doesn't mean, though, that he wouldn't ever abuse his power to...guide you in the right path (the one towards him)

Any mild symptoms of dis-ease: a headache, fatigue, or mild cold would have him fretting over you

You would think, with the way he treats you. that you were made of glass

Though his paranoia may be just be a symptom of that terrible happening at Allerdale Hall

He experienced his best friend being poisoned, and was unable to be there for her until it was almost too late

Alan will not make the same mistake again with you

If you do end up marrying him (due at least in part to his insistence) his protective and possessive nature would amplify to be even worse, since the two of you are no longer encumbered by the inhibitions of friendship or being acquaintances

It would never be his intention to cause you harm despite his questionable behavior, but it's as they say...

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

divider by saradika

[critter-rarepair-reccs]

Hey friends, happy Wednesday! Today we are highlighting our dearly beloved Voice of the Tempest, Keyleth! We have six fics featuring various rarepairs including her! As always, you can find them below the cut and if you check any of them out, I encourage you to leave kudoes and comments to spread the rarepair love 💕

tell me what you need (oh, you look so free) by ladyofrosefire (5,348 words, Explicit) Pairing: Zahra Hydris/Keyleth (Zahraleth) Warnings: CNC scene where the negotiation occurs largely off screen.

Keyleth goes to Zahra with a request—to be taken out of her head, down, and apart. And to not have to say what she wants.

Reccer Says: It has both excellent characterization and understandable choreography where no one suddenly grows a third hand.

Can You Squeeze Us in Somewhere? by Star_Joy (828 words, General) Pairings: Shaun Gilmore/Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Vaxlethmore), Queerplatonic Shaun Gilmore/Keyleth Warnings: None

Vax and Keyleth get back to Emon after an adventure and are utterly exhausted. Luckily, they have Gilmore to turn to for rest.

Reccer Says: It’s sooooo cute. Just lovely fluffy goodness. Also very fun to see Gilmore and Keyleth as queerplatonic partners within this ot3!!

Let It Build by wtgw (5,946 words, Explicit) Pairing: Keyleth/Grog Strongjaw (Grogleth) Warnings: Mild Blood, Under-negotiated Kink

Grog helps Keyleth manage her anger issues. Friendly violence and violent sex ensues — it’s not romantic, it’s just helping a friend out!

Reccer Says: It was surprisingly emotional and sweet, and the descriptions of how angry Keyleth was were almost scary! also aromantic4demisexual friend sex!

i'll be there for you by romeoandjulietyouwish (1,357 words, General) Pairings: Queerplatonic Shaun Gilmore/Keyleth, Shaun Gilmore/Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Vaxlethmore) Warnings: None

While out one night, someone starts following Keyleth. She takes refuge at Gilmore’s. Cuddling and comfort ensue.

Reccer Says: While it’s not tagged as such, Shaun and Kiki are really the focus here and they’re so sweet. Shaun’s so full of love, I adore him. Also the three of them all together at the end is very cute 🥰

Broken; Unbidden; Unearthed: Love in the Limelight by marleybone (7,036 words, Mature) Pairing: Keyleth/Vex'ahlia (Vexleth) Warnings: Allusions to a past abusive relationship

Vex is an actress, Keyleth is a model. Vex sees her at a runaway show one night, is infatuated, and things spiral out from there.

Reccer Says: okay LISTEN, Keyleth hasn’t really technically shown up yet and it’s been a minute since an update but what’s there is So Good regardless. The depth of worldbuilding in the three chapters up is so good and the banter between Vex and the supporting cast is amazing. Also it being a memoir from Vex’s POV, written by Tary, about her and Keyleth’s love story? Genius, I’m obsessed and desperately craving more.

steady your breath, honey, lower your spear by friendly_ficus (6,020 words, Teen) Pairing: Keyleth/Grog Strongjaw (Grogleth) Warnings: Grief/Mourning

Keyleth isn't coping well in the aftermath of the fight against Vecna--and losing Vax. She's angry and eager to pick fights wherever she can, regardless of if she gets hurt doing it. When Grog realizes this, he offers to fight with her himself. Neither of them expected any feelings to grow from it, until, of course, they did.

Reccer Says: An exceptionally characterized and written piece, it's stuck with me even years after first reading it. It approaches the Keyleth/Grog relationship with such believability and tenderness, not to mention dealing with Keyleth's grief and the complex process of having feeling for someone after loss. An all around fantastic piece.

Thank you for joining us this week’s recc list! All the love to everyone who submitted a fic 💕 All enclosed recommendations were submitted by the community via our submissions form, which you can find here. All fic information is as it was provided by the reccer, so it may not be accurate to the author’s intent or the precise contents of the fic itself. Please assume good intent from all parties 💕

Submissions for next week’s list are already open! We’ll be featuring Polyamorous Ships. If you have any you’d like to highlight, you can send them in here. The week after that, the theme is Enemies to Lovers and the weeks after that we’re taking recommendations for Miscommunication fics and Works in Progress! Submissions for all of these themes are currently open.

If you want more rarepair fic, check out @cr-summer-wildflowers and their event collections on ao3! If you want some friendship after all this romance, take a look at @critter-genfic-events and their recc lists! And if you’re interested in everyone’s favorite wizards, you can’t go wrong with the lists at @aeor-is-for-reccing !

Thanks all and have a lovely day/night/timezone! 💕

[dindjarinandlysakane]

The Sweetest Taste | Chapter 38 - And have you cramp my style?

When Din Djarin meets a beautiful cake seller from Nevarro, do you think he’s just going to stand back and let her suffer at the hands of her abusive boyfriend? After a lifetime of heartache and pain, Lysa Kane realises she’s not on her own any more and finds an unlikely friend in the Mandalorian. And Din Djarin does not like men who treat women like that, not one tiny bit. Friendship/comfort and maybe something more…

Masterlist

Chapter 38 - And have you cramp my style?

----

Lysa opened her bleary eyes to find herself bathed in the first of the morning’s warm rays of sunlight.

She stretched her naked body out under the cool sheets, turning her head to find the mattress behind her empty, as she knew it would be now that the shutters were open once again.

Closing her eyes blissfully once more, placing the back of her hand over her face -shielding it from the morning sun, her mind flitted back to the night’s events. Remembering just how it had felt to have Din’s strong and hard body pressed up against hers, not once but twice.

That was certainly not how she had expected the evening to go. But now that it had happened, Lysa could not help but feel a warm tug at the back of her stomach.

Something that told her that Din had wanted…No! Had needed that, as much as she had. His grunts and groans into her ear all night, a telling sign that he had enjoyed himself tenfold. And Lysa hadn't been able to deny how much pleasure he had given her. With his hands…his tongue…

A pleasure she had not been privy to in years. 

When it came to sex Crix had forever taken what he had wanted, leaving Lysa constantly unfulfilled. But that, for a long time, had indeed been the least of her worries where Crix was concerned.

But Din Djarin had been completely different.

He had taken his time with her. Made sure she had reached the crescendo of fulfilment, before seeking to soothe his own ache.

Lysa bit down on her lip now, daydreaming about how it had felt to have Din’s hot-

“I made you some tea,” came a sudden low, familiar voice from the doorway, breaking Lysa instantly from her illicit thoughts.

She grinned behind her hand, knowing that Din had his helmet firmly back over his head, by the way his voice was heavily affected by his modulator.

She opened her eyes, coming to sit up quickly, keeping her completely naked body firmly covered by the sheet.

Her green eyes roved across his tall form, now covered from head to toe in beskar once again.

He took a step into the room, handing her a cup filled with a steaming fragrant liquid, which Lysa accepted gratefully.

“Thank you,” she uttered gently, feeling a flush grace the very tops of her cheeks as she smiled up at him.

And despite what had happened between them in the early hours, Lysa wasn't quite sure she knew what to say to him.

Despite her enjoyment and her smiles, she did have to wonder- where did this leave them now?

Lysa’s eyes lingered on his beskar-covered face for a long moment, slightly resenting the fact that with his helmet on and with no obvious expression, he gave so little away. Her mind working overtime all of a sudden in the aftermath of everything.

Perhaps he regretted what had happened between them? Perhaps he didn't?

Had it just been a one night thing? A fleeting flight of fancy. Something just to get out of his system before he moved on to someone more appropriate for a Mandalorian of his status?

But Lysa swallowed back any feelings of worry now, as her eyes swiftly slipped to the foot of the bed…only to see Grogu awake and climbing, with great difficulty, up the bedcovers, and up onto the bed.

“Mi-tah!” he croaked, as his large black eyes landed on Lysa.

He got to his feet on unsteady legs before waddling across the mattress towards her.

“Hi, sweet boy,” Lysa said kindly, her face breaking into a warm happy smile as he climbed up onto her lap and snuggled into her.

Lysa stroked down Grogu’s little back affectionately, before chancing a glance up at Din once more…

…only to find him gone.

She gave a hard swallow, her eyes lingering in the empty space for a moment or two before Grogu stole back her attention once more.

---------------------------

Din was sitting at his scrubbed wood table, laser screwdriver in hand, fixing a slight sticking problem he found that the casing for his whistling birds had gained.

Glancing out of the window he could see Grogu playing alone by the pond. It had turned into a fine and bright morning, the small tree above the child providing just enough dappled shelter from the hot morning sun.

Lysa had taken herself off to have a shower. And with Grogu outside, the peace and quiet gave Din the opportunity to muse on the events of the previous night.

To him it had been heaven. To be wrapped up in Lysa, to feel her naked skin flush to his. To have her utter his name in the midst of her pleasure.

She really was everything to him. And to have that confirmation that she had felt the same way as he did, made it all feel so real. Like a piece of Din’s life, which had been missing for so long, now found. In Lysa. 

He only hoped now that she didn't regret any of it.

Din, as he had always done, found it hard to express his feelings, especially with his beskar helmet settled firmly over his features.

And he had seen the look of apprehension on Lysa’s face this morning after she had awoken.

Din cursed himself for not having immediately reassured her that all was well. And that nothing that had happened had been an accident- on his part at least.

But he knew now that it wasn't too late. And that whatever he could do to make it clear that she was what he wanted. He would do it.

Din gave a swallow behind his beskar as he heard the hiss of the Refresher door opening as Lysa stepped out in the small living area, smoothing down the front of her long, pale blue tunic dress.

He glanced her way, feeling a pull at his stomach as he looked upon her. A vision in what was, likely to her, just a basic outfit, but to him, she seemed so very regal. Like she belonged in a palace, and not a lowly place like Nevarro.

Her long honey-coloured hair sat in, slightly damp, waves, pulled back from her face by a loose braid on either side. Her dress sat low over her chest and nipped in at the middle, showing off her curved waist.

Had it not been daylight. And had Din been a more confident man in matters of the heart (or indeed other bodily regions) he would have gone up to her right here and now, and kissed her up against that wall.

But that was not Din. The Mandalorian letting out a small, barely audible huff as he acknowledged that thought.

Lysa offered him a soft smile as she approached him, coming to linger at the other side of the large table Din was sitting at.

“I was thinking of going out and making some deliveries today,” she explained, giving a nod over to the large basket sat on the far side of the kitchen counter. Din knew it was likely filled with all sorts of delicious baked goods. “I managed to catch up on almost all of my baking while you were gone. So if I make it out to half of my customers today, I might be able to start to get back on track.”

She stared back at Din, her sweet eyes meeting with his behind his beskar.

“Do you want me to come with you?” he asked in a low gentle tone.

It was an honest question. Despite Crix now having escaped Nevarro it didn't mean that Lysa was completely over everything that had happened.

But she offered him a warm smile in return, shaking her head.

“And have you cramp my style?” she said, wrinkling her nose playfully. “No. Honestly, I’ll be fine. I have to get back out there sooner or later. Otherwise someone else will move in on my patch.”

Behind his helmet, Din gave a grin, feeling his chest constrict slightly as he gazed back at her.

“We’ll if you need us, we’re just at the other end of the comm,” he muttered, as Lysa moved around the table, approaching him with a blushing smile, giving an appreciative nod.

“I always need you, Din,” she murmured softly. Stopping in front of him now, and coming to stand between his long, splayed legs, as he shifted in his seat to face her.

Din swallowed, his entire body aching for her as it had just a few short hours prior.

“I probably won’t be back until late though,” she continued gently after a moment or two, lifting a hand to Din’s helmet, her fingers tracing over the side of his beskar. “So don’t miss me too much.”

Behind the armoured casing of his helmet, Din’s grin suddenly widened.

Dank. She was beautiful. 

Her smile radiant and her shapely body like a magnet, drawing Din to her.

And before he could help himself, he had reached out with both his gloved hands placing them to Lysa’s hips and giving her a gentle tug into him.

A smirk hung over her lips as she placed her own hands to Din’s shoulders, tilting her head slightly as she stared down at him.

Din let out a long, tormented sigh through his nose, drawing a smile from Lysa.

“I've got to go, otherwise I’ll be home even later,” she said in a quiet voice. Her perfect green eyes sparkling in the morning sun as she spoke.

But Din right at this moment didn’t want her to go. Wanting instead to keep her here with him for the rest of time.

“Can’t I just buy all your stock so you can stay here with us today?” Din uttered with a playful groan. 

But Lysa gave a gentle laugh, picking a loose piece of fluff from Din’s black tunic, before sliding her hand gently around his neck. Knowing that he would likely be able to feel her touch better there, with just the layer of wool separating them.

“Oh yeah and how long would you be able to keep that up for?” she swiped back playfully. “You’d be out of credits by the end of the week, and I doubt you’d be able to squeeze into all that armour after having to eat all of the sweet breads the jawas buy from me.”

Din let out a chuckle, letting his hands slip from Lysa’s waist and raising them to either side of his head in a gesture of defeat.

“Fine,” he sighed, as Lysa smiled down at him warmly.

She patted him on the Beskar-covered shoulder, before pulling herself from his grasp, tucking a long strand of golden hair behind her ear, heading for the counter, where she heaved up the basket. Before making for the door.

Din turned and watched as she came to stop at the entrance to the cabin, glancing his way once more.

“I guess I’ll see you tonight,” she said softly. But her words had an intention behind them that Din could not ignore. A suggestive smile dancing its way over her perfect lips, as her eyes lingered on his just a little longer than was normal.

But Lysa didn’t wait for a reply. Merely grasping her grey travel cloak from the hook next to the door before swaying gently from the room.

Din stared at the space she had left empty for a long moment, before he turned, leaning forward in his chair to catch a glimpse of her out of the large viewport to his right. Seeing her stroke Grogu affectionately between the ears, before loading her basket onto the back of her speeder and hopping up into it, flinging on her cloak and shoving her helmet onto her blonde head as she went.

There was a loud juddering noise as the dust all around her battered old landspeeder lifted into the air. And a moment later she was gone, speeding away down the track, soon to be a mere speck on the horizon.

And Din could only grin to himself as he turned back to the table and picked up his laser screwdriver…

…very much looking forward to Lysa’s return.

-----

@its5-15wakeup @thecraftyartist @crazypaine @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @marysucks-blog @siimiasoi @livinxdeadxgrl @midwesternwitchery @the-divine-taurus @handspunyarns

[nvrcmplt]

For in a sea of drowning spotlights and thousand of faces, there would be those select few that would break through the haze of of the stage.

One, her brother. The man she had known her entire life and whose arms had held her on nights where everything seemed a little too frightening, where the longing for a mother grew too hard and she'd find herself nestling against him for comfort. The face of a man so proud that he'd outshine every adoring fan, every loving pair of eyes that claimed their spot on her.

Second, her brother's friend and man who, with time, had come to feel as a second pillar to her, the one she would run to for assistance whenever her brother said no to adventures and playing. He whose hands had always been a little too gentle and whose heart had been a little too protective of her, yet often found it in its nature to defy the overly dedicated Sunday who wished nothing but for his sister's full potential to blossom. A man whose face had come and gone, whose name seemed to produce more silence than anything, and who - despite everything - had seemed to be torn out of history.

A fate so cruel it had left Robin in shambles, though sizzling in what was nothing but frustration and curiosity, anger over how someone who had grown up alongside them had been removed. Whisked away and erased from a reality she swore had happened, the sound of a brother's wailing at night where she couldn't reach him ; she had never understood what happened, but she had recognized the stern look in the audience, for it had been the very same that had denied her countless of times as well.

Moreover, it had been someone who had made Sunday smile.

Had it not been for the familiar set of auburn locks that had stalked the halls of the concert hall in the later hours, a set of orange eyes she had locked with before, perhaps this meeting wouldn't have taken place (you might not recognize him, and he might not recognize you, miss robin). Though, a past so surreal that only her eyes could deem it possible was not good enough, she wished to learn and she wished to understand. Wanted to see if the eyes and face she had spotted in the audience had been the one she had imagined in the back of her mind, heels rushing past the fictionologist and towards the back that she refused to let fade again. Sweat dripped from her forehead, fresh out of the aftermath of the concert and given a pathway away from the others, same as Gallagher had entered with Cyan. Chest heaved there hands would reach out, undoubtedly, as she'd throw herself around him gently, sealing him in a tight, warm (but of course, slightly cold) embrace, face squished against Cyan's back.

She had never been able to greet him normally, and she never quite been able to let him go; "... don't leave without saying goodbye this time, Cyan. I have missed you so..."

It wasn't a lie, recognition of someone from the memories of childhood and the longing will to stay as sane as they could under the long hours of their work, abuse and solitude was a major issue for ones memory. As he stood in the crowd, he remembers her singing the most, the cheers of the audience felt dulled and under water to his ears but her singing always fluttered through. Like the walls of his once chambers, the echoing drift amongst the dreamscapes, the on loop repeat of her chorus and rally songs. Of the world that spoke of suns, clouds and dreams of reaching goals. Of being their to aid with a stretch of a hand or even blot out the uncertain future with wide, white wings.

It was a strangeness after that, when music stopped and the cheers continued to echo. As he moved with the Hound to a passage way and guided within. The closed space was more homely to his frame, even if he shook at the fingers and felt sweat build upon his nape. His face showed little else. Staring ahead, watching and turning gaze to camera outputs, to doors and low windows. Places of ambush and easy access to any creature that would dare such play. Yet, as he studied the walls blank décor, seeking out a mishap to take note of for complaints, he felt his hair stand on end again.

Left on his own, back to the hall as he spied the doors once entered being locked with a green light turning red above. He was about to turn around to announce the poor attempt of locking them up when he felt her. A welcomed breeze-touched-sun caressed skin. It was a strange way to think of the Halovian kind. Though warm, like a cooled down glass pot - they had a coolness to them that never seemed to go away. It was like how a cold flame would feel in ones mind. As if a fire would have a cold setting that wasn't quiet frost bite or arctic winds but a cooling soothe of a luke-warm baths surface.

As her tone spoke through his haze of tranquillity, his head tilted back - to stare upon the ceiling. She was no longer on that stage, no longer belting her song to all hearts needing her words but against his back now. Begging for real words of his departure that he had no say in doing in the first place. How painful it was for them both… As she wished for his voice, that final goodbye. Cyan wished for her hand just once to push through the bars of his own cage. Like he did with her whenever Sunday dismissed her from asking to play, whenever she was spoken poorly of by passing faces, when she doubted her love for her passions to think of possibly something else to help Sunday.

He began to turn in her arms, raising gloved hands to hover, scared to touch personally, but she would know to let go. So, he could face her without craning his neck and be blinded in spotlights. Instead, as his gaze settled upon her, he felt his skin goosebump. As fingers twitch to reach for her face, to rest upon glossy cheeks and gently stroke against winged limbs to tuck a piece of hair behind an ear. "You…" Looked exhausted. "You are real." Ah… that too, as he felt his lashes flutter over cracked iris. A few blinks even to spread the moisture in each socket as his knees gave, and his frame crumbled before her.

He gathered her hands, to raise them to his face, to hold them to his skin, to furrow and press her touch closer. "I failed… I failed you so much. I couldn't protect him… nor you, I couldn't do anything." That day, the day of a wailing dove turning darker and greyer, the day he couldn't shout out that he was fine upon his floor. The day he was tossed into the grip of greed and curiosity.

As Robin soared with the sun in her reach, Sunday broken to the will of The Order, Cyan was tossed to the trash to be crushed into whatever they wanted him to be.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry. Forgive me, Robin… I couldn't say goodbye."

@avaere

[chaosxkids]

Walking through the picturesque streets of Cardinal Hill, you find dalton rhodes, the 25 year old mechanic at Romano's originally from cardinal hill, wa. Living alongside them in such a small town, you know that they're charming and blunt, but what you might not know is that they are a witch, and that they’re hiding something… ― archie renaux, pansexual, cis man, and he/him.

ㅤೀ    - a quick look into current playlist :: lalali by seventeen ; beautiful liar by monsta x ; greedy by tate mcrae ; morally gray by april jae ; war by keshi ; let the world burn by chris grey ;watch it by the boyz ; guilty by taemin ; overdrive by i.m. ; annihilate by metro boomin swae lee lil wayne offset ; villain by neoni ; enemy by imagine dragons ; drinking with cupid by voila.

ㅤೀ    - as described by others :: morning black coffee & sugar everyday; always having to be the loudest voice in the room even if nothing to say; vulnerability hidden beneath layers of confidence and steel; sarcasm was always your best friend; fiercely loyal until trust is broken; admirable work ethic & discipline but still knows how to have fun, good taste in music.

STATS

NAME : dalton rhodes

NICKNAME : n/a

AGE : twenty-five

GENDER IDENTITY : cis man (he/him pronouns)

SEXUAL/ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : pansexual pan romantic

SPOKEN LANGUAGES : english

OCCUPATION : mechanic at Romano's

POSITIVE TRAITS : charming, flirtatious, intelligent

NEGATIVE TRAITS : hot-headed, sarcastic, blunt

FACECLAIM : archie renaux

PETS : n/a

CONNECTIONS : are here

BIO ;; (parental abuse, bruising, & neglect mention tw)

born as an only child, dalton looked liked he practically coasted by in life but it was all fabricated. his parents where highschool sweethearts between a two people, both humans (though one would turn out to be descendants of witches in secret). it was said the two were so excited to be expecting, but it wouldn't come to be. the pregnancy was hard after a grueling 16 hours in labor, a baby boy was born. dalton's mother was weak in health but she cared so much for him while his father dotted on him but inside something was brewing.

when dalton turned 5, his mother passed away and things were never the same. it was said the warmness of the household was replaced by coldness. laughs were replaces by loud raised voices. dalton's father blamed him for being born and making his mother weak in the aftermath. "if you hadn't been born, she'll still be alive" was one of the many phases thrown at his face everyday from then on. people around town new of dalton's father as a wealthy banker with a nasty personality, especially when he drank (everyday after work or all day when off) but no one knew what a monster he was behind closed doors at home. until dalton turned 13, the boy was quiet. teacher talked about what a smart child he was, always getting good grades but timid. these same teacher though, would stay quiet though when he arrived to school with bruises on him as they knew that with a wealthy father, money can buy many things. then he stopped coming to school. his father and him left town, something about a distant family member needing care but it was lie.

things had changed. dalton's anger couldn't be contained anymore and he fought back, which manifested in his magic. his father couldn't believe it, seeing his son's minor bruises and scratches healing and he got more angry. he locked his son away in the house and hired someone to find out what was the meaning. it became known his mother came from a family of witches and that it had skipped a few generation before manifesting in his son. he in turned wanted to see how strong witches are and dalton was the perfect way to see.

then one day, dalton showed up back in town at just 18 years old. to though who cared, he told them his father got sick then passed away, leaving him with a trust and returned to his mother's home. he got a job working as a car mechanic at romano's and lives in a trailer by himself. some say there is something about his appearance that seems magical but they chalk it up to be good looking.

Daze at work is basically the class clown, always joking around but knew when it was time to be serious when it came to a client's car. he is very laidback and easily talks to anyone. has an aura around him that others find themselves sharing alot to him. is your resident gym bro, cant stress it enough how much he loves to workout and jumps at the chance to always ask others if they want to ever join him for a gym session. is a mega flirt and a true charmer, whether he is doing it intentionally or not so has dated around the town. dalton though can't keep his mouth shut and will blatantly tell you how it is, even if your feelings get hurt.

when it comes to magic has an affinity for healing and protective spells. always working to improving his magic and learning more about witches when he can.

[peachymilkandcream]

Written In Blood|Part 10|Modern Yandere Levi x Evelyn

(A/N: We love good old blackmail to get the woman of your dreams XD Hope you enjoy and comment to be added to the taglist!)

WARNINGS: noncon/dubcon, graphic descriptions of violence, domestic violence, manipulation, mind breaking, yandere behaviour/themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, wishing rape upon someone, misogyny, mentions of child abuse, blackmail, revenge porn, etc.

==============================================

Levi spent most the next day comforting Evelyn. She had been through quite the scandal and was still dealing with the aftermath. She had taken a leave of absence from the internet due to the constant backlash and calling for her to take accountability.

Little did she know that isolating herself from the world only allowed him to push further in.

"I know you keep saying it'll be fine Levi but it's hard to see how it will be right now. Everyone's against me and I'm just trying to figure out how to move on from all of this backlash before my entire brand is gone."

"I know it doesn't feel like it but I promise you it will work out in the end. In a year or so we'll look back at this and laugh."

She sighs. "I guess you're all I've got. None of my friends will talk to me-"

He smiles, brushing her hair behind her ear. "I'm not going to betray you like they have." He leans in, the hand holding her face allowing him to grip her jaw and bring her closer, his lips brushing against hers.

The stress and emotional turmoil she'd been going through these past few days making her melt into him, surrendering to his soft lips and warm tongue snaking into her mouth.

The hostilities start when the door flies open, Evelyn's ex standing in the doorway as his expression goes from shock to rage.

"You!"

"Wait it's not what you think-" Evelyn starts, but is quickly cut off.

"You tell me that Petra's bullshitting me, that nothing happened. And yet here you are with the guy not even a two days later?! And then you send him after me to get me drunk and befriend me!? What the fuck is wrong with you!? And this guy? He's a total asshole! He let your stalker go free! Or was that a lie too? All to keep me tied down with you out of guilt!"

Levi remains silent, not allowing the insults to get to him. Eventually this fool would pay for all the insults he threw at Evelyn, but he had to wait. Let him hang himself.

"Please just leave- we're over, remember? I can kiss whoever I want!"

"So soon tells me exactly what I need to know about you, this has been going on longer than you're letting on."

"She told you to leave. And I suggest you honor her request."

"What you're going to force me out?"

Levi roughly grabs the other man and throws him out the door, shutting and locking it, despite the loud banging following and threats.

Evelyn sinks to the couch shaking. "What have I done-"

"Nothing. Forget about him. He's just mad you've moved on and did something for yourself for once."

She takes a deep breath, trusting in his assessment completely. "You're right, there's nothing he can do to hurt me anymore."

===============================================

That was until the ex made a video and series of posts himself confirming Petra's allegations.

While his evidence was largely fabricated people were more inclined to take Peta's initial statements more seriously do to anther and closer person to Evelyn backing them up. Maybe she wasn't lying about anything and Evelyn was a cheater and terrible friend deep down.

The thought shook her fanbase once more.

This time Levi was not kept out of it, much to Petra's annoyance. He was plastered everywhere as the man who caused the cheating in the first place. The catalyst for the downfall of a popular fiction writer.

Levi didn't even bother addressing the claims, his clients were shady people at best and criminals rivalling his infamy at worst. A scandal like initiating cheating only got him a few solid pats on the back and asking intimate details of a such a notable figure.

It was funny, Levi was so busy fighting Evelyn's battles that he hadn't truly had any time for himself to decompress.

That would have to change.

================================================

Levi cleaned up the blood splatter off his suit jacket while the evidence was uploading to the internet. This victim, a man who had asked one too many times about a detail description of Evelyn's intimates, lay gutted on at Levi's feet. He'd clean that up later, first he had to focus on getting the stains out before the set in. Who knew what kind of diseases this fucker had.

When it was finally ready to be published, he smirked, knowing this would seal his fate with Evelyn ultimately. Both of them would be boosted above and beyond their current status and popularity, Evelyn would be indebted to him for saving her ass in all of this, he could finally have what he wanted.

"You crossed the wrong man. Once your reputation is shot to hell the things I'll do to you might be worse than this poor soul."

[she-karev]

Aftermath

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Three of Three

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

AN: Here’s the final chapter guys, I hope you like it and I’ll try to post most stories by next weekend.

Summary: Amber gets a feedback from Webber about the meeting when her friends barge in.

Words: 2920

I stand by the nurse’s station outside Paul’s ICU room drinking my water to relax. Alex, Jo and Jenny are right outside the door waiting for Dr. Shepherd exam to determine if he’s brain dead. Grey and Jo were able to bring him back but they had to intubate him on a ventilator. Shepherd diagnosed him with second impact syndrome which never ends well in this case.

It’s weird him dying was something I thought would bring me joy but instead…it made me feel defeated. Paul died before we could press charges and expose him for the misogynistic, abusive low life he really is…was. In the end it just felt pointless everything he put us through when he’s not gonna pay for it. I can only hope that hell is real and he gets a special seat. I see Andrew entering the ICU and walk to me relieved.

“You’re okay.” Andrew exhales relieved.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” I put my water down to face him, “I take it the grapevine heard what happened.”

“Only that Stadler tried to attack Dr. Wilson and an intern. I came up as soon as I heard. Do I need to kick his ass?”

I look at him touched but point at Paul behind him. He looks and see’s the damage, “Even if you could kick his ass, I don’t think his brain would register it.”

Andrew looks back at me with a slightly feared look, “Did you do that to him?” I lightly smack his arm.

“He fell and hit his head after his fiancé told him she was gonna turn him in.” Andrew nods relieved, “His first concussion barely healed so the impact caused a brain bleed I think, we’ll know more once Dr. Shepherd confirms it.” I see Dr. Shepherd coming out and we stand by the others to get the news.

“Is he brain dead?” Jo asks plainly.

“We can’t say for certainty for a few more hours, but it appears the way.” Amelia explains and looks at Jo conflicted on what to say, “I’m-I’m very…I’m sorry. Are you comfortable talking to her about her options?”

Jo nods, “Yes.”

Amelia leaves us as Jenny asks Jo, “What does she mean by options?”

Alex explains, “Well she means you have to decide if you want to withdraw his life support.”

“Alex.” Meredith calls him and he turns to her, “It’s not up to her.”

I look at her confused for a second until I realize what she’s saying. Since the divorce wasn’t finalized before Paul went on a vent, Jo is still legally his wife. Which means this depraved shell of a man’s final wishes falls on her. I shake my head at the cruel outcome of this and Andrew realizes it too as he rubs my back in a futile attempt at comfort.

“Oh my god.” Jo makes the realization too, “It’s me. I’m still legally his wife.” There’s a tense second of silence until the next sound out of Jo catches me completely off guard. She laughs out with a smile, “Oh my god!”

I look at Jo startled by her reaction as she continues to laugh hysterically despite the tension. I wonder to myself if this is what I looked like last night to my friends after Paul came to me. If I was I’m embarrassed I looked this insane. I see the others looking at Jo concerned except Alex who grins slightly. To keep her from being sent to psych I explain.

“Laughter relieves tension.” I hope they can hear me over Jo who’s still laughing like a hyena, “People laugh at funerals all the time, it’s okay she’s okay.”

Jo starts to calm down, “Oh my god. I’m so sorry.” She stops for a second to laugh before composing herself, “I’m so sorry. Crap. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Jo finally stops laughing and now she’s sobbing cradling Alex’s face who looks at her with love.

I feel bad for Jo’s predicament and try to remedy it, “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“She’s right.” Grey chimes in, “You have power of attorney you can hand the decision off the someone else.”

Jo sniffles and fully composes herself before responding, “Thank you both…but this is my decision and I intend to make it.” I suddenly get an alert on my phone and look to see a text message from Webber saying, ‘Meet me in my office.’

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the ICU I gave an excuse that the office needed more information for my keycard. They buy it except for Jo who looks at me in pity and I shook my head to keep her quiet. Now I’m sitting in a chair across from Dr. Webber waiting to hear what this is about. I already know what this is about so I remind myself that I have nothing to be ashamed of.

If they want to fire me for my past then I’ll go on a rant and tell them I am not that angry teenager anymore. I am a surgical intern who has experienced pain that doesn’t make me crazy it makes me more able to connect with the next foster kid who got beat up by their guardian. Or a wife from a lowly neighborhood who can’t afford good healthcare. Or a teenage girl who has to pay for rent and take care of her family.

I am not gonna be ashamed of my past anymore. I think I came to this conclusion when I heard Jo and Jenny talking. Those two went through the ringer and instead of being beaten down they grew stronger and showed Paul that he didn’t break them. I went through hell but it didn’t break me, it made me stronger and I am not gonna let these guys judge me anymore.

Webber clears his throat, “Karev, I called you in here because-”

His words are cut short as his door bursts open and Dahlia comes in looking peeved. Behind her, Parker, Helm and Schmitt follow all standing by Webber’s desk like a small, baby blue army. I look at them surprised that they barged into our residency director’s office after spending the last month kissing up to him.

Webber looks at them stunned as well, “Dr. Qadri, Parker, Helm and Schmitt to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“You can’t do this.” Qadri starts, “You can’t fire someone for having a few scars and yes a few tiny arrests in her record before she was a C cup.” I widen my eyes at her and Parker steps in.

“It’s unlawful, and unjust and frankly sir it’s a bitch move to pull off this century when every little workplace incident is reported.”

“I can already see the headlines now.” Helm speaks next, “’Top Hospital Fire’s Surgeon for being Low Class.’ And that’s a nice one.”

“I-I don’t really want to say something to get me fired.” Schmitt stammers nervously and I roll my eyes at him, “But sir with all due respect she does not deserve to be fired for something out of her control…respectfully.”

“All right people I appreciate your input and this united front is something I hope for with my classes but-”

“If you fire her then I quit.” Qadri throws in and I look at her shocked.

“Are you stupid right now?” I ask her, “Don’t quit just because unlike you I have a problematic past.”

“A past you’ve worked hard to overcome.” Parker states, “And now you’re here in spite of all the obstacles and your superiors shouldn’t be another one. If that’s the kind of workplace I signed up for…then I’ll quit too.” I see Parker nudging Schmitt with his elbow and he gets the message.

“Um I’ll quit if you fire her.” I look at Helm to see her reaction and she doesn’t relent until Dahlia glares at her causing Helm to roll her eyes.

“Fine I’ll quit too.” Helm says without feeling.

“Damn it you guys we’re not doing Spartacus.” I say frustrated that they cut me from making my case to Webber, “I don’t need people from Mensa to defend me and quite frankly I don’t think the hospital will lose much from four interns quitting. I mean let’s face it my money was on Blood Bank getting kicked out the end of the year.”

Schmitt looks at me offended, “I was gonna lose my job for you!”

“Nobody is losing their jobs!” Webber yells out, “I called Dr. Karev in here to tell her that her job is safe and she is not fired.” I look at Webber in shock and I am silent for a moment before speaking.

“…What?”

“You’re not getting fired Karev.” Webber repeats, “Now listen Jennings pulled that meeting and told all of us to call you in so we can get an explanation for how this file came to our desk. After you explained that it was an attempt of harassment by Dr. Stadler after he cornered you yesterday, we decided to investigate further and see if the allegations were true. When we heard from the ICU nurses how he verbally assaulted his fiancé and moved to attack her it was clear there was nothing left to investigate.”

I exhale in relief at my good fortune for once, “So you all decided then to let me continue here?”

Webber winces, “Jennings was still insistent on letting you go and was gonna peer review it with the medical board.” My joy deflates, “But Dr. Avery went to the bat for you.” I look at him confused at Avery standing up for me and he explains, “He told Jennings that if he got the medical board to contact you, he would hire you the most bloodthirsty attorney out of his own pocket and make it so Jennings would lose his job and more.”

I widen my eyes at a plastic surgeon I’ve barely interacted with suddenly fighting for me to keep my job, “He really said that?”

“Word for word.” He turns to the interns who look relieved for me as well, “As for all of you there will be no need to quit in solidarity. I commend you for it though, not a lot of interns bond to the point of standing up to their residency director for a friend. It’s inspiring, loyalty is something I respect very much. It’s something people like Jennings could learn to adapt.”

“…So can I go then?” I ask him.

“Yes you may go.” I stand up and exit the room with the others and we all stand there frozen not knowing what to say. I clear my throat, “Thanks.”

Dahlia nods and the others grin appreciatively after that we go our separate ways.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After my first bit of good news today I stand next to Alex outside of Paul’s room while Jo and Jenny are inside no doubt wondering Jo’s next move as Paul’s power of attorney. We stand by each other tensely letting it sink in that this nightmare of ours is finally over.

Alex exhales, “I’m sorry.” I look at Alex confused by his apology and turns to me with guilty eyes, “I heard what you said in the lockers this morning.”

It takes a moment for me to remember one moment after this grueling day and simply say with a blank face, “Oh, you heard that.”

“Yeah I did. Look I’m not sorry for falling in love with Jo but I am sorry I made you feel like I ruined your life again.” I can tell that he’s being genuine, “Believe me if I had the chance again I would have killed him back at that damn conference I tracked him to.”

I inhale and exhale before responding, “If you did that he would win and Jo would be as scared of you as she was of him. I was angry and pissed off when I said that and I just wanted to lash out at the world instead of the one person responsible for it. But if I lashed out at him I wouldn’t be better than him either.” I sigh at that bitter truth, “I’ll tell you this though at least one of us got a good punch in before the lights went out.”

“Damn straight.” Alex agrees, “Listen I want to say thanks for standing by Jo when she confronted Paul so…thanks. I’m glad you were there if I couldn’t be.”

I look at Alex appreciatively, “Your welcome.” I decide to add one more thing, “She is way too good for you.”

Alex snickers quietly, “I’m glad I got your approval. And as of yesterday, DeLuca’s got mine.” I turn to him with shocked eyes. I don’t need my brother’s approval of who I date but oddly it makes me feel warm inside to know that he does.

“Thanks. I’ll pass the message on to him.”

“Not just yet.” I look at him curious and he grins, “Let him fear your big brother a little while longer.” I smack his arm even as he grins at his own joke. Meredith approaches us with a grin.

“It was a drunk driver.” We turn to her in shock over this news.

“What?!” Alex asks happily.

“They found the guy who hit Paul.” Meredith explains, “It was a drunk driver. So nobody has to go to Canada. She’s free.”

I exhale in relief for all of us not going to jail, “Thank god, I hate the cold and the Canadians are annoying as hell.” Alex chuckles lightly as Meredith leaves us to bask in our collected joy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Jo decided to donate Paul’s organs, I saw that as my cue to leave them to it and head to Joe’s with my friends. I owed them a drink for standing up for me earlier even though I acted like I didn’t need it. It was still nice and they’ve been good to me throughout this whole ordeal so it was the least I could do.

The bartender lines the shots for me, Taryn, Levi and Casey at the round table. Dahlia is with us but she can’t drink so I opt to buy her a coke instead. We grab our shots and they pause the drinks in midair to which I look at them confused.

“Don’t you want to make a toast?” Casey asks.

“No I don’t want to make a toast I want to drink.” They look at me annoyingly and I relent, “Fine here’s to the interns that were willing to quit for their friend even though she wouldn’t have done what they did.”

“Your horrible.” Helm tells me amused.

“I’m kidding.” I rectify, “I appreciate what you guys did it was ballsy, a little reckless but I don’t exactly have a high ground on that so cheers!” We clink out shots and swallow them down our throats. Helm and Schmitt groan and hiss at the burn causing me and Casey to look at them amused, “Wimps.”

Casey joins in, “Yeah can’t you guys handle your tequila?”

“Maybe if She-Karev didn’t spring for the cheap stuff I could.” Helm says.

“I said I was buying you a drink I didn’t say it was high quality.” I signal the bartender who looks to refill our shots but I speak out, “Oh no, not them just me my tab ended.”

“Figures.” Casey says knowingly, “I guess quantity is limited too.”

“Amber can I say something?” Schmitt asks me and I nod, “I think your totally amazing.”

I look at him surprised by his flattery and feel the need to point out, “Schmitt. I have a boyfriend and even if I didn’t I’m sorry but you’re not my type.”

“Ouch.” Casey whispers.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Levi glares at Casey and turns to me, “I just mean…I-I look at your in the pit and the locker room and I used to think you had this most perfect life. In a million years I never would thought you had one single problem.”

I nod bitterly, “Well obviously I do.” Dahlia squeezes my hand in comfort as Schmitt continues.

“I know…and that’s why I think you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.” I look at Schmitt appreciative of his compliment. I look back at my shot glass in thought.

“No one’s ever really said that to me before.” I admit softly, “I mean being the freak with the psycho for a mom leaves you with the lifelong impression that your broken. And the teasing and bullying didn’t help either.” They look at my sympathetically which I also point out, “And the occasional pity stares weren’t a favorite of mine either.” They all stop staring.

Dahlia speaks, “Well hey I think it’s safe to say you showed all of them after getting an MD.”

I nod proudly, “Yeah I did, didn’t I?” I swig my beer and decide to change the subject, “Why do you think Avery stood up for me in there?”

Helm snorts, “I can think of one reason.”

“Is sex always the reason for you?” I ask her and she shrugs, “It doesn’t matter as long as it got me to keep my job. Just as long as he’s not expecting a special favor in return.”

Dahlia chuckles, “I think that would end with him worse off than Stadler.”

“You know that’s right.” I clink my beer with her glass and resume back to drinking with the others looking to end this horrible week.

[thesilentmedium]

The Aftermath || Jonas & Lil

TIMING: The night after Homemade Panaderia LOCATION: Ballard house PARTIES: @thesilentmedium  & @the-lil-exorcist SUMMARY: Jonas has a break down to Lil after the incident with Metzli CONTENT WARNING: Domestic Abuse TW (Mentions of it cause Jacob Ballard memories)

It had been a rough night for Jonas, the image of the man in his front hall wouldn’t leave his mind. He had gone through several stages of panic, that man’s body was somewhere out there wherever Metzli put it and he may have been the one attacked but his mind was now convinced he was somehow an accomplice to murder. He had rolled around all night trying to console himself that he hadn’t been the one to kill the man and that it had been self defense. Still he worried what might happen if the police found the body. Would Metzli get in trouble? Would he get in trouble? 

Jonas didn’t think he would survive prison, he wasn’t built for such an environment, he didn’t want Metzli in there either though if how they handled the intruders was anything to go off of they would survive just fine. All these thoughts lead back to the image of the man dying and his friend running off. He swore he recognized her face, which was just another factor keeping him awake. 

By the time morning rolled around Jonas had dark bags under his eyes and he shuffled down the stairs, a very worried Blue right behind him. He paused when he saw the figure making coffee in the kitchen and couldn’t help the tears from flowing as he waddled over and hugged his twin. The tears were a mix of relief and dread at the sight of his twin. Words that were normally just a tad off sounding now became near incomprehensible as he spoke, “A man died in our house last night, I was trying to teach someone to make bread and then he broke in and the person I was teaching stabbed him and I do not know what to do Lil-” 

—-----

Lil had been out most of the night, dealing with ghosts and leads, as she tried to keep the growing fear of losing family and not being able to do much. Yawning, she had stumbled into the house around three am going to take a nap before it was time to start the next day. It wasn’t sustainable, but well Lil could live in most scenarios for at least a bit. 

She hadn’t expected Jonas to be up, but she could hear him moving around as she made a pot of coffee - the one thing that she could do without burning down the house- after she had carefully fed Auggie. Really it had been a pretty peaceful time. 

Until she felt Jonas hug her hard. The type of hug that was a ‘I’m glad you're alive’ and not a normal Jonas hug. It caused her to freeze for a second, immediately trying to hear her dad screaming -. Turning around to see him there was a bit in her stomach as she realized that he was crying. “Hey -it’s okay breathe,” Lil signed as  Jonas tried to speak, his voice slurred and panicked. 

It took her a moment to realize what he was saying, and she froze for a moment before starting to look over Jonas to see if she was missing something. He was supposed to be baking with someone last night, dealing with an intruder. “Jonas what happened? Here let's sit down,” she signed before tugging at her brother to get him to the living room, trying to quell the growing anxiety of what he was talking about. 

Was he trying to confess to murder? Lil didn’t know, but she wasn't going to be her main concern either. “Breathe in and out. One step at a time.” 

______

Blue let out a soft whine as Lil led her boy over to the couch. She made a point of keeping herself in between him and the front hallway, trying to obscure his view so the already panicking man didn’t break down even more. Jonas was sniffling and rubbing at his eyes as he tried to focus on what Lil was signing. Once he was settled facing away from the scene of the crime, Blue laid her head in his lap. If he didn’t need his hands to fully communicate, they would have been digging into her fur. 

“I had someone over to bake, they wanted to learn how to make sweet bread, but before we could finish some of those people that had been following us all over town broke into the house. They tried to throw salt at Blue but our guest was faster and they killed one of the intruders. The other ran off.”  Jonas was signing quickly trying to get everything out but it was far more understandable than his speech. 

“I do not know where the body of the man is. But Lil I just stood by and let them kill him. I did not stop them when they cleaned up either. What if the cops come asking questions?” Jonas didn’t know if calling the cops in that situation would have been for the better or worse. Metzli might have ended up in jail or he would have. If he had been alone it could have very well been him dead on the floor and not the stranger which was just another point of panic to add on. “Whoever is following us knows Blue is not a normal dog.”  It felt like his main line of defense was being stripped away by this knowledge. 

—----

Lil usually would be clinical in high stressed situations like this. Although she was never cold really, most of the time she was able to be objective, but she couldn’t help the shake in her hands as she watched Jonas speak, wanting so badly to stop him and just pull him into a hug. She couldn’t though, she needed to know what had happened and what she was going to have to do.  

On some level, Lil understood bad things happened to good people, but the anger didn’t leave her body anyway. Making sure to breathe Lil signed, “Okay. Someone broke in, tried to hurt Blue and your friend stopped them.” She tried to be calm, but there was a fury that someone had tried to hurt her brother. As soon as he told her they had tried to throw salt at Blue she knew immediately that it wasn’t a misunderstanding. They were targeting her brother. 

Someone was trying to kill her brother, and Lil was furious. Still, she had to be calm now. She needed to be reassuring and hell she needed to be more like June. Reaching over Blue for a moment she put her hand on his shoulder before taking it off  and signing, “You shouldn’t have stopped them, Basil. Whoever did this wanted to hurt you and your friend protected you. I know it’s scary, but think of it like if it happened to me instead. It was right.” At the thought that Jonas didn’t know where the body was buried Lil shook her head. “If the cops come by, tell them you don’t know and you didn’t hear anything. I doubt that they’ll come and if they do I’ll talk to them. You don’t have to talk to them. - Look at me buddy.” 

She paused before continuing making sure Jonas could see what she said, “ I know it’s hard, but that man was going to hurt you and Blue. Your friend stepped in and stopped him. They were a hero, and you needed protecting.  I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” The last bit was hesitant, guilty as she realized that Jonas could have been alone. 

Someone could have hurt him and she wouldn’t have known. A pain of fear and dread hit her stomach before anything else. She could live with someone hurting her, hell she did, but the idea of Jonas being alone and hurt broke something.  Lil  didn’t realize she was crying now until she wiped at her face in frustration before signing, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you went through that, but you did the right thing. I love you, and I know it's hard. I’m sorry.” 

____ 

The right thing. He did the right thing. Jonas tried to let that sink in to calm his worries, focusing on Lil’s hands. She was right if it had been Lil in this situation he would have thought the same thing. He could also agree that Metzli was a hero, if they hadn’t been there he probably would have been killed or taken by those who broke into the house. These truths did not make him feel better about it though. 

What was stopping them from coming in and trying on their own again? Jonas was alone most of the time unless he was at work. Lil was too busy trying to find their parents to keep him company every night and the guard their uncle promised was taking longer than expected to show if they showed at all. Whoever was targeting his family could very well have targeted the guard as well. He was making things worse thinking these things and was doing his best to focus on Lil’s hands instead. He did the right thing, he survived. 

Jonas rubbed at his eyes and nodded. “I love you too. It is okay. You are busy doing something important, but Lil why are they after us? What did we do to them? Did they target everyone else too?” He could feel the tears refusing to stop, he was such an easy cryer it was embarrassing. Though he supposed crying over being targeted by strangers was more valid than most of the other times his eyes leaked. “I do not feel safe here Lil.” 

—--

There were a lot of things Lil didn’t know. She didn’t know how to comfort Jonas at the moment, to keep him from crying. She didn’t know where Jane or Jude was - the two siblings that were better able to see the big picture. Most importantly, she didn’t know who had been at the door so ready to hurt her twin. 

Still, she was going to find out. While Jonas seemed to cry, there was a bit of rage that settled into her stomach. Carefully she tried not to let it show instead watching Jonas and breathing slowly and trying not to cry herself. “I don’t know. I don’t know but I promise I’m going to find out. I will.” 

It was the only thing she could do. She couldn’t lie to Jonas and say that she had it under control, because obviously she hadn’t. So instead she just signed back, “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know why they are doing this but I will figure it out. I’ll get Uncle Charlie to move quicker and stay with you until whoever comes gets here. I won’t leave you alone again.” It would stop her progress, but at the end of the day Jonas was the one she was supposed to protect. 

“Do you want a hug? We can do a movie day. I won’t even make you watch the minions,” Lil signed looking at Jonas. 

___

Jonas always tried to rely on the people he knew, sometimes being deaf just forced you into that position, but with the break ins it was getting harder to have faith in Uncle Charlie and the guard he said would be here. Which was in no way fair to the older man who was trying his best to help his niece and nephew who he hadn’t seen in person for years. It wasn’t Charlie’s job to keep them safe, though being the uncle who was closest to June, perhaps he felt it was. Jonas tried to keep reminding himself that what they were asking of the more experienced exorcist was a lot. They needed someone capable of guarding them on such a short notice of course they would take a moment to get here. He just hoped Lil could get their uncle to come while they waited. 

As soon as a hug was offered Jonas leaned over into it. It was a little awkward given that Blue’s big head was still in his lap, refusing to move despite being now smushed between the twins. He hugged his sister tightly before letting go, “I am sorry you have to do so much.” He felt more like a liability than a help to his sister. She had to go out and look for things while Jonas was taking care of the bakery, even then she helped out there too. Really in the grand scheme of things he was rather pathetic. He always had to have someone else step in to save him and cried at the first sign of being overstressed. He trusted too easily, saw the good in people where there really wasn’t any to offer and god forbid he ever actually punched someone hell he couldn’t even bring himself to curse in frustration despite all the things that had happened. He was a weak man who could barely muster a smile at his sister’s joke. Jacob Had been right to call him a disappointment. 

With his stomach swirling with fear and rediscovered self hatred he finally did manage to nod about the movie. “Okay. Can we watch it upstairs? I do not want to be down here right now.” Jonas pointed over his shoulder, “The man died by our front door.” He was sure the request made him seem even more fragile compared to his sister and her normally calm composure but he wasn’t sure what else to do at that moment. Sitting there thinking about everything was only going to make it worse and in the end help neither of them. He could berate himself all he liked later when his sister wasn’t trying to calm him down. 

—-

Lil wasn’t soft, something that was fairly obvious when she looked at her twin. Whatever kindness and generosity had settled into his soul, she lacked it. Still, she wanted badly to be a comfort to people. Her rough hands weren’t good at holding that though, but even now she could see that Jonas was calming down at least a little as she said that she would figure it out. Maybe she wasn’t gentle or kind, but surely she could make the scary things go away. She needed to, as much for her sake then for Jonas who was sitting there frightened and looking lost. 

For once, Lil had to keep it together, and she was going too. 

She held Jonas tightly for a moment, wishing that she had answers that would make all of this feel better, and knowing that she didn’t. Pulling back only after she felt Jonas stir to move back she shook her head and signed, “It’s fine, Jonas. I’m fine.” She didn’t stop and consider any other option, she had to be okay, and she had to push forward. If she didn’t then  - well. It didn't help to dwell on it. 

“Okay. We can watch upstairs.” Lil signed, nodding with her words looking to Blue for a moment as if she was asking for permission to move Jonas. “Let's have a chill day, and I’ll make sure everything is okay tomorrow. Come on I’ll even get the teddy bears down if you want. We’ve got this. Together. ” With that Lil stood up, offering her hand to Jonas. “I got you.”  

___

Blue looked at Lil who was looking at her and sighed a little but willingly moved off her boy so both her charges could go upstairs. Jonas shuffled awkwardly as he reached for Lil’s hand. The nagging voice of his father was ringing out in the back of his head about how he couldn’t even get off the couch on his own. He grip tightened on Lil’s hand before letting go once he was firmly on his feet again. 

“The teddy bears are already on my bed. I stole some of Jane’s as well.” Jonas did not normally keep stuffed animals by his bed; the two little koalas, Lil and he had been so attached to in their younger years, were sitting on his windowsill to keep them safe from his ever fidgeting hands. But tonight was different. He needed the extra stimulation to keep from falling apart completely. The soft fur gave his hands something to do while his mind worked away at terrible thoughts. If his father were to see him now he surely would get an earful. His father who very well may be dead. 

Jonas told himself not to think of that as he followed Lil around the house repeating the words she had said to himself. They got this, for better or for worse they got this because they were together and as a team they were stronger. They always had been despite Jacob, despite everything that had tried to pull them apart so far. She got him and he got her…. He would do his best not to pull her down with him.