#leaving aside how sad the song makes me

[kalicox]

NOWHERE IS FINALLY UP AGAIN AND LIFE IS NOT BLACK AND WHITE ANYMORE

[retroaria]

Domestic Life w/ Osamu Dazai ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊

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summary: life with agency!dazai, days off, date nights, the whole shabang!

warnings: slightly suggestive at some points (not sure if MDNI is necessary but keep it in mind) NOT SAD AND MISERABLE CANON DAZAI!!! Pretend he is happy and joyous for this, why would he want to die when he has you? Not proofread!!

BSD M.LIST | enjoy 🐈 - aria

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The days where Dazai can fully devote himself to you are unfortunately far and few. On top of that, he’s a rather forgetful man. He saves all his reports for the last minute, needing to finish them up while everyone else is already gone (or spend just as much time begging Atsushi to do them for him). He makes plans, promises, deals, all of which take up his time aside from the usual agency agenda.

You know that Dazai loves what he does, so you put up with it. At the very least he still comes home almost every night, flops himself down on the bed and wraps his arms tight around you. And he’ll still be there in the morning. flashing you a warm smile as you wake up to see him adjusting the collar of his suit, throwing his jacket over his shoulder before planting a soft kiss to your lips and heading out the door. The purely intimate moments you get to experience together always happen in the dead of night or at the crack of dawn.

Aside from that, as well as all the work related events Dazai brings you to, his days off don’t come often. Whenever the stars align and those days do happen to fall upon you, you know immediately as you wake up in the morning. He’s still wrapped around you, arms and legs, almost in a death grip. He would’ve left for work by now if he had too, not that he hasn’t slept in late before, but his suit is still sprawled on the floor of your room. He hadn’t taken the time to wash it or hang it back up because he wouldn’t be needing it the next day.

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These days begin with an absolute power struggle in the bedroom (not the fun kind). This man will not wake up and will not let you out of bed. He will whine and groan and sometimes even shed tears at the fact that you would ever want to leave him when he finally can spend a morning with you. “Dazai we still have stuff to do today, you can just hold me captive.”

“Do you hate me Bella, is that it? Has our love truly dwindled? I finally have the chance to engulf you in my affection and you want no part of it.” He’ll give you a full Shakespearean style monologue about how cruel it is that you would deny his neediness.

“Oh my god Osamu, you are so dramatic”

Eventually you do escape his grasp and leave the bedroom to start the day, to which he must follow suit. These days are spent with Dazai following you around like a lost puppy.

He follows you to the bathroom, you guys get ready together, he sits on the toilet while you shower, talking to you through the curtain about all the recent agency drama, casually mentioning all the times he’s almost died in the last week alone. (He’s also sneaking peaks of you, slyly pulling the curtain back when you won’t notice)

On days where the two of you get to go out you always let him pick your outfit. Dazai’s list of skills typically pertain to crime and manipulation, but style and fashion is somewhere in there too. He’s usually wearing simple jeans and a crew neck, but he wants you to look like a runway model next to him. “Gosh you look beautiful, gonna make me look like the luckiest guy in the world standing next to you!” he gushes in a sing-song tone.

The first order of business is breakfast, a task which Dazai wants desperately to help you with, but always fails miserably. You opt to let him make coffee for you two, which he adorns with an ungodly amount of sugar and creamer. you’ve been drinking Dazais coffee for so long you’ve grown to like it. It’s like a sweet treat with breakfast, nothing you could complain about. If he gets his hands on a frying pan you’re truly doomed, so this is the one thing you let him have. He can handle the toaster too so he’ll make toast for you guys with jam on it that he spreads on in the shape of a heart with a smiley face in the middle “Dona’ look, can you tell what it is?” he says with a smirk of confidence on his face.

“Very sweet Osamu, your hearts are getting better and better” You can’t actually tell what it is but you know he does the same thing every time. You grab the toast from him and plant a kiss on his cheek, it’s like his reward.

One of Dazai’s favorite things in the world is going to the grocery store with you. It’s such a simple task, that always ends up being so much fun. He relishes in the domesticity of it. It feels almost intimate in a way, it’s something you both would have to do if you were apart, but you’re together, so you do it together for the both of you. He loves being reminded that you are a part of his life in every way.

But god is he troublesome

Dazai is the kind of person to stay at the sample stand and talk to the employee for forever. After about 10 minutes he knows their geographical lineage, their favorite flavor of ice cream, their mother’s maiden name, the name of the high school they went to, the name of their first love, but then he gets bored and moves on. Btw he ate the whole tray of samples while he was talking to them, but made sure to swipe one for you before he bounced. “Don’t think I forgot about you darling” he’d wink as he hands you the cup.

Once you guys get everything you need you head back home. Dazai is a gentleman and is obviously carrying all the heavy bags, but not without complaining. “I don’t remember us getting 3 tons of milk”

“I have the milk, that’s the bag with the 10lb rice”

“I don’t remember us getting 3 tons of rice either.”

When the two of you get home he acts like he just got back from a 12 hour shift, like he’s been fighting an enemy organization all the day, like he’s been strategizing with Ranpo for hours, like he just had to get rescued by Chuuya. He helps you put the groceries away and throws himself onto the couch.

Once he notices you’ve start cooking he returns from his corpse like state on the couch and peaks over at you. He likes watching you cook because you look so focused yet so relaxed at the same time (I’m sorry if you don’t like to cook oops) . He likes to try and read your mind whenever he watches you do things.

Eventually he’ll get up and walk over to the record player in your living room. As you’re chopping away you notice the feint sound of a jazzy tune ringing away behind you, before you can turn around to see the source there is a pair of hands on your hips, swaying you from side to side. “Osamu, I have a knife in my hand”

“That’s never stopped me from anything before in my entire life” he hums away, pushing his body up against yours as he lays his head in the crook of your neck. You guys stay like that as you continue to cook, him humming into your shoulder, planting soft kisses as you simply sway to and forth.

“This is really nice, but I’m about to start chopping onions.” You lied, you were already chopping them.

“Augh god, my eyes! Why would you ruin the moment!?”

“I have to make dinner ‘samu!”

After dinner you guys both enter a corpse like state on the couch, snuggled together, either watching a movie or a parallel play type thing, usually both of you reading your respective books. During this time Dazai can be rather clingy, wanting to literally lay on top of you or have you lay on top of him. He also needs to get your opinion on whatever is happening in the movie or this crazy new suicide method he saw in his book (it’s a novelty interest now, how could he want to die when he has you!)

As bed time approaches, Dazai gets into the shower and it’s your turn to sit in the bathroom with him and tell him about all of your own work drama. Unlike Dazai, your peaks behind the curtain aren’t very sly “hey I see you~” he’d say in a teasing tone.

When the two of you finally get into bed, a wave of sadness washes over Dazai. He is unpleasantly reminded that he has to go to work tomorrow. His little life with you would end once morning came and he’d go back to having to use 100% of his brain power to focus on anything but you. He dreaded the thought and all he can do now to eleviate the pain is pull you close beside him. He plants a million kisses on your face before pulling your lips against his into a deeper kiss that usually lasts until both of you are tired and slightly out of breath.

At this point you begin to drift off to sleep in each others arms. You awaken the next morning to Dazai flashing you a warm smile as he adjusts the collar of his suit, throwing his jacket over his shoulder before planting a soft kiss to your lips and heading out the door.

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I FINALLY wrote something for my husband Dazai. I hope you guys enjoy and I can’t wait to keep writing I’m having so much fun here!! Stay safe guys and much love 🤍🤍🤍 -aria

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[bryan-writes]

Omg I loved your obey me headcanons, do you think you could do some for the brothers what you think they’d do if they missed MC? Like certain things they do to comfort or remind themselves of their beloved sheep 🙏

Hi anon, thank you so much omg🫶!! I hope you like these, I think I ended up making them a bit more sad than intended so I added their reactions to you coming back home to them!

Obey me headcannons— the seven brothers

Things the brothers do when you’re away, and how they react when you come back home to them <3

A tiny bit of hurt and a lot of comfort!

Credit to the lovely @strangergraphics for the dividers!

Lucifer

He buries himself in his work, convincing himself it's better than dwelling on the ache of your absence. His office fills with your ghost— he catches himself glancing at the empty chair you’d occupy during late-night talks, and every note you’ve left him sits neatly on his desk like a shrine. He wears the cologne you once complimented, hoping the familiar scent will carry your presence. His piano becomes his greatest solace; he plays songs that remind him of you, the notes heavy with longing.

When you return and he sees you, it’s as though the weight of millennia slips from his shoulders. His mask of calm falters as he quietly pulls you into his arms, holding you like he’s afraid you’ll vanish. He murmurs something like, “You shouldn’t leave me for so long,” but his voice cracks at the end, betraying just how much he missed you. Later, he’ll pour you demonus and ask you to stay with him while he plays for you, his music much softer and warmer now that you’ve returned.

Mams

He gets restless, roaming the halls of the House of Lamentation as though he might find you around the next corner. He tends to talk to your things— your jacket left on his desk chair, your favorite blanket— telling them stories he wishes he could tell you. At night, he holds onto a trinket you gave him, flipping it in his hands like a talisman. His brother’s tease him for constantly staring at his D.D.D., waiting for a text that doesn’t come fast enough.

Mammon’s reaction is immediate and chaotic when you return. He practically trips over himself to get to you, scooping you up in a hug so tight it almost knocks the air out of your lungs. He doesn’t stop talking— apologizing for nothing in particular, asking if you missed him, bragging that he knew you couldn’t stay away for long. Later, when you’re alone, he’ll quietly place your trinket back in your hand and confesses, “I couldn’t let this outta my sight while you were gone.”

Levi

He surrounds himself with distractions, marathoning your favorite shows and games just to feel closer to you. He tries to send you messages about every little thing, but halfway through his typing, he worries he’s being annoying and deletes them. His room becomes a shrine to your shared moments— he keeps a space clear for you on the couch, even though he knows you’re not there. The silence feels heavier without your laughter during cutscenes.

When you return, he’s so overwhelmed that he freezes in place when he sees you, blushing furiously and stammering about how he “didn’t even miss you that much.” But when you sit beside him and grab a controller, he can’t help the grin that breaks across his face. Later, he’ll shyly gift you a little figurine he made while you were gone— a character modeled after you, his way of saying you’re always a hero to him.

Satan

He writes. He fills pages with letters he’ll never send, his thoughts spilling out in poetic lines that ache with longing. He haunts the bookstores and libraries of the Devildom, searching for volumes you might have enjoyed, and carefully sets them aside for you. At night, he reads your favorite book, fingers brushing the margins where your handwriting lingers. He leaves a single fresh flower in your room each morning, a silent reminder of his quiet devotion.

When you return, Satan greets you with perfect composure, though his trembling hands give him away when he places the flower of the day into yours. “You’ve kept me waiting,” he says with a teasing smile, but his eyes are glassy, full of relief. Later, he’ll read to you by the fire, pausing to press his forehead into yours between chapters. You’ll find his letters hidden in your room days later, each one an unspoken promise of how deeply he missed you.

Asmo

His world feels dull without you. He dresses up every day, hoping to catch your attention from afar, even though you’re nowhere near to notice. He talks to the mirror as if it were you, imagining what you’d say about his newest outfit or skincare routine. His D.D.D. becomes his lifeline, full of selfies and voice messages he’s too nervous to send. Every love song feels like it was written for you, and he hums them softly, thinking of you.

When you return, Asmo runs to you in a whirlwind of perfume and tears, wrapping you in the sweetest embrace. “Darling, don’t ever leave me again!” He cries, holding your face in his hands as if to memorize every inch of it. He pulls you into his room to show you all the things he’s been saving to share with you— lipsticks, photos, and little notes he wrote about how much he loves you. That night, he clings to you, whispering over and over how radiant you make his world.

Beel

He finds himself lingering in the kitchen, making your favorite meals and waiting for you to join him. He starts carrying extra snacks that remind him of you, just in case he runs into you somehow. He visits all the places you used to go together, hoping the memories will starve off the hollow feeling in his chest. At night, he leaves an extra plate at the dinner table, unable to bring himself to break the habit of setting a spot for you.

When you return, Beels smile is so wide it feels like sunshine breaking through the clouds. He immediately offers you something to eat, wanting to share every meal he made while you were gone. When he hugs you, it’s gentle but firm, as though he’s grounding himself in the fact that you’re really there. “I made too much food while you were gone,” he admits bashfully, “but now we can eat it together.”

Belphie

His dreams are filled with you, and he sleeps more than usual to chase the feeling of having you near. He steals one of your pillows or blankets, keeping it close so the scent of you lulls him to sleep. On sleepless nights, he stares at the stars, thinking about all the times you’ve stargazed together. He pretends he doesn’t care, but his room feels colder without you, and his naps are restless.

When you return, Belphie’s reaction is subtle but heartfelt. He’ll act nonchalant, lying on the couch with his hat pulled low, but his hand reaches out for yours the moment you’re close. “Took you long enough,” he says with a smirk, tugging you down to lay beside him. He’ll wrap his arms around you like a cocoon, murmuring softly, “Don’t go anywhere this time.” His breathing evens out quickly, finally content with you in his arms again.

[avemryss]

thinking more about the psychological aspect of solavellan, and before I start, I'd like to stress that this is NOT CRITICAL of it, I actually think it's what makes part of the dynamic interesting. My word isn't the be all and end all, however, this is just my musings on the topic :] Also, REALLY long post! so, more under the read more lol

From Lavellan's point of view, I would personally struggle to see her trusting another lover or close one again for a long time, if ever again. I don't really think people ever talk about the real impact of the things she goes through, or what solas put her through, and the hurt as a result of it. The relationship is never defined between the two of them, it's always spoken about in vague undetermined words from their companions and poetic elvish between the two of them. Are they lovers? companions? partners? it's really up to the player. Leliana says that "you were close", Sera says Lavellan is "in it." Vhenan means home, heart, it's not a word said lightly imo and he tells you he loves her by their second kiss. It's never an official thing, so how secure can Lavellan truly feel?

This could go both ways when it comes to the break up. Crestwood, as a scene, is so interesting to me because the first portion seems like a man brought to his knees by weakness for the woman he loves. The two of them never cease to touch, fingers entwined, shoulders brushing, skin to skin. It's so reminiscent of how Lavellan matches his Hallelujah cadence. They're two parts of a song singing together. It's a gorgeous scene and it's understandable how so many are angry at how it ends because the whiplash between how it starts and what it leaves you with is severe. Imagine this from lavellan's shoes.

You're desperately in love with someone at odds with your people, who is wonderful and enticing and smart. Loving solas feels like loving the whole world, like being free and connected with the stars. But you don't know what this is. And, if you thought you did, how far can you presume? Is Lavellan always on edge, scared to love him deeper and richer than he loves her? or is she in a false sense of security, assuming his affection is forever hers. So when he not only breaks away your faith and trust in your history, plus potentially the vallaslin, she is clearly deeply upset. This isn't a minor fact that simply can be swept aside. The vallaslin is important. And Solas, even with the best intentions, has hurt her. He knows it and there's a reason why he apologises (bc he wimped out on the real truth). How much more does he know about her people that he has refused to tell her or kept from her by omission? Can you imagine the embarrassment, the utter humiliation of that secret? how many memories of them together where she replays his distaste for her people in her mind, knowing that he has access to knowledge that could change her perception of her past? Its ALOT. and thats even before the breakup.

Solas is not kind about the break up. It's rushed (impulsive to me) and doesn't do their connection justice. His composure cracks in places and it's very unlike him. It absolutely blindsides the player, so imagine being in Lavellan's place, AFTER THE VALLASLIN? personally, I wouldn't have been able to function. I half suspect that a sad, calm Lavellan is also in shock or disassociation. Because how else do you cope? The lack of communication between them alone is enough to raise my eyebrows. He promises answers. He confides that she saw through his mask and doesn't tell her what was real, and what was fake. He has given her a kernel truth whilst keeping her in the dark. Everything he told her could be a false, imaginary polite mask or it could be the truth. Where does it end? Where does he begin? Where does she stand?

I don't know if everyone has experienced what it's like to be ghosted or for a friend to simply disappear one day, but it changes you. I say this as someone who has both been avoidant as well as anxious, but you never recover. Someone disappearing like that makes you doubt any reassurance that people won't just evaporate from your life. So when Solas just disappears, the game's single conversation with Leliana feels a little lacking to me. I understand that they can't really dedicate a lot to it, I get that, so I'd like to fill it in. At first, it's search parties. Solas wouldn't just leave her like that. He promised her answers. He started another mural just before they left for corypheus. He didn't intend to just leave, surely.

Days, weeks and months pass. The question is worse than the truth. Is he dead? Did he use them? Was he being truthful when he spoke to her in those ruins, or another polite mask he could hide behind? Is it better if he's dead or better than he didn't deem her worthy enough to even say goodbye? We, as the players, obviously know this isn't true, but she doesn't know that. Does your lavellan assume the worst and be overcome with grief that her one love, her heart, her home, was nothing more than a lie of omission? or is there anger there at his betrayal of her trust once more? I seriously doubt it was easy to forget or dismiss. That kind of disappearance ruins your trust with people. Something. Anything would have been enough.

Again, this is all my opinion on how these emotions would play out and DEFINITELY NOT canon nor do they have to be! But I seriously struggle to see how Lavellan could even come to heal from these wounds within even a two year time skip. By the time of trespasser, almost everyone has left her side. She's almost entirely alone again, save Cullen and Josie (and leliana if she's not divine). And thats okay: they all have rich lives to return to. But that must just reaffirm to her that no one will stay. She is alone. How does she trust again?

And then there is Fen'harel. Lavellan's reaction to fen'harel has always lacked the fear I kind of hoped would be there? I mean this isn't just a minor deity, this IS THE antagonist of her entire faith. I'm assuming that she's lost hope in the gods, even though it's confirmed to her that they're real, but that message has been a part of her since childhood. So learning that he is the dreadwolf, again not from him, but from the fragments of his past must cut her deeply.

Her love was never who he said he was, she knows this, but who is the real man? She's never known him in a context where he can truly show her. Her love is fragmented between each identity he holds. Her trust that he is who he said he is fragments with it. The knowledge that not only has he been watching the inquisition, her, for years without a single hint that he lives or is okay must destroy her. Could you imagine how insignificant you must feel to him? And he essentially affirms to her that yes, in the greater scheme of things, his love and hers are inconsequential. They cannot matter to him because he cannot strive from his path. His indulgence was a mistake. And it's undeniably cruel. I love solas and I cannot argue that he was kind to Lavellan because he wasn't. To me, there is no way to see his actions as kind. Understandable, absolutely and definitely without malicious intent.

Lavellan learns that he loved her just as deeply, if not more. He loved her with all his heart and it did not matter. She changed him and it has only brought him more pain. He loves her too much to even allow her near him, to even give himself that weakness. They are apart from each other in an endless distance, only the two of them in the world. No one else.

Obviously, each Lavellan is different, and I've made a lot of assumptions, but I think it's worth considering. How do you love someone again after all of that? How much can you rebuild your faith after what you have learnt. Lavellan has loved a "god" (I know he's not a god, but for all intents and purposes, he has the power of a god and wears an evanuris crown.) and in turn, a god has loved her. And he left her with one last embrace that will leave its mark on her forever, then he leaves once more. Lavellan is alone.

Each love after is met with suspicion, distrust and comparison. Lavellan is entirely changed. How many pieces of her can be taken away until she is no longer herself? Each person wears a new mask she cannot determine. Where do they begin? Where can she find herself?

How lonely it must be to love someone like Solas and be at the other side of an endless distance.

[if-you-soul]

Mischaracterization in the CCCC fandom: a yapsesh (alternative title: Erm... What the Gore is Going On?)

Hi. Woaw. I'm actually making that post I talked about.

So. One thing I've noticed in the CCCC fandom is this weird fixation on gore, torture, violence, etc. Usually a level of graphic content that makes your average horror flick look... pretty tame!

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy horror! I even think a horror story based around psychological conflict similar to CCCC could work well!

But is it just me, or has this fandom COMPLETELY lost track of what the characters are like in the source material?

Like. Let's be real. Nowhere in the album does Soul do gruesome surgeries on Mind, nowhere does Mind go ripping people to shreds like Doomguy, et cetera. The closest thing we have to an implication of violence is what most of us call the "Juno incident"- as even "tines stabbed through eyes" is clearly a metaphor with the next line: "that the sides have condemned."

Im gonna talk ab the characters themselves under the cut

I feel the biggest victim of this mischaracterization is Soul. In the album he's... kind of a victim, really. He toughs out being dismissed and fought over and pushed aside and outright dehumanized for so, so long. Are we seriously just... going to characterize him based solely on his lowest point in TSE? Spring and a Storm and Mucka Blucka are also songs where he's present- along with his presence in Just Apathy that the fandom seems to outright deny to keep their characterization of him as some violent, abusive monster. (Which, again, is quite literally never alluded to! He's honestly kind of a victim, if anything!)

Ohhkay. Next topic. Mind. Oh boy I have thoughts on how people characterize Mind.

He's not emotionless. If you believe this, you've fallen for his stoic facade. All of his songs are just. So full of so much rage. Maybe even a little bit of grief and sadness and fear, masked by said rage. He isn't some emotionless robot- (Heart calls him an automaton as an insult, but that's another rant.) and honestly it feels like such a disservice to such an interesting character with so much unexplored depth to portray him as such.

Heart. Oh boy. Where do I start. Heart what did they do to you.

Heart is the emotional side, yes, but that isn't just some... smol innocent uwu baby who cries all the time. Emotions aren't small and cute and timid. They're INTENSE and PASSIONATE and EXHAUSTING. Strong emotions leave you so, so drained, good OR bad. This is so much more interesting than portraying him as some "uwu hai dere!!" type of character. Which is nowhere in the album.

Whole is hardly even a character. Soul worshipping and praying to whole is fanon.

This fandom's weird obsession with creating shock gore and one-upping each other in a violence competition has spiraled pretty far out of control, and it's honestly crazy. How do you go from an album about internal conflict to violence that would make even the cast of Resident Evil cringe? Brah.

Final notes uhhh. Soul is a victim who got pushed to his limit, not an evil heartless abuser. Mind is angry and unstable and hurt, not some emotionless robot. Heart is the entire emotional spectrum, not some innocent baby. Ok i . I think that's all. Have a good one

[kill4luvina]

"Revenge"

Rapper!Onyakopon x Rapper!Reader

Cw : Modern!AU , Smut, Bestfriends w/ benifits atp, love making to fucking, pictures, Onyakopon being vulnerable and crying, unprotected sex (yall don't be like onyakopon wrap it up), i lowkey ended outta no where.

Summary : Onyakopon, Y/n's bestfriend get cheated on and Y/n swoops in to the rescue to save him from public humiliation or something like that.

(I didn't proof read & I'm still pretty new to writing and it's short)

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

Onyakopon's head jerked backward in frustration, and he flung his phone aside, his left hand instinctively rising to cover his face as he fought back tears. "Fuck is wrong now?" You asked picking up his phone, you knew him and his ex had broken up you didn't anticipate the depth of his pain. Unlocking his phone you look down at the video on Instagram of his Ex and one of Onya's opp's kissing as she licked and kissed on his neck before lowering her head down and making the male in the video gasp before it ended. "Oh shit.." You looked up at noticing he wasn't doing as well as you'd thought, sitting next to him giving him a side hug trying to comfort your bestfriend.

Almost instantly he'd return the hug back hiding his face in your chest starting to silently cry. You only noticed because you felt the tears through your tight crop top, feeling bad you hold him by the back of his head giving soft kisses. "it's gonna be okay.." you'd whisper as he held you tighter making you feel even worse, you've never seen him this upset before. "Hey, how about we uhm.." She'd think for a second as he brought his head up to look at her for a moment. "Re-Create a better version of that video with me." He'd mumble head still in-between her chest looking up at her. His eyes were low and red from the weed he had been smoking earlier mixed with his tears.

"Please mama?" He'd add noticing you were hesitating. You nodded your head sighing giving in as you stared back down at him with a soft smile. "How bout we post it on my account and then you add it on your story?" you'd ask and he just nodded snuggling into you shirt more. "alri, gimme your chain and clean up your face u look sad asl.." you add as he got up taking off his chain giving it to you before walking into the bathroom. "We should do it in the studio.." He'd call out from the bathroom while washing his face before drying it with a towel.

Onyakopon had a home studio so you both stood beside the recording booth door as the dim LED slights set the tone, while an unreleased song by you both played in the background. You both started recorder singing along to the song as you titled the camera up enough to see you grinding on him before bringing your head back and placing a kiss on his neck and then on his lips. Onyakopon couldn't help but feel it in his pants, dick twitching at the contact as his brought his tattooed hand to your neck brining you in for another kiss this time deeper. Forgetting the mission at mind you end the video beginning to kiss him back turning your body as he held you close to him pulling away to kiss your check. "You're so pretty yk that right mama?"

"Fuckk—! right there daddy.." You'd moan as your bestfriend slowly thrusted his hips into you fucking your slowly leaving sloppy wet kisses down your neck. "Mama? You like that?" He'd asked pulling away looking down at you. Crop top pulled up to expose your chest and your pretty short skirt pulled up to your waist as your pretty feet rested on his shoulders. His chain still on your neck, almost nutting at just the sight of you he picked up your phone from the side opening the camera at he took a picture. "Mama, you look s'pretty, look." He'd smile before tossing the phone back to the side flipping you over. Pushing your back into an arch he'd slowly start giving you deep and slow thrusts hitting your g-spot making your weak as tears started to fill your eyes.

"Daddy.. Yk you could fuck me harder.. Stop being so gentle with me." You moan playfully knowing you'd get a reaction, and you sure fucking did. Putting one leg up on the couch in the studio, he started ramming into you holding you closer by your neck as soon as he noticed you tried running. "Mamas, how you gon tell me— to go faster—fuck... and then try and run away from it?" He'd ask between huffs as he pulled you closer so you were now agasint his chest. "Try running again and I'ma stop."

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

(help im so tired i was just brain dumping)

[bumblesimagines]

what's a kiss between friends?

you don't treat anyone else like this. just me.

- Maddy Perez

you don't treat anyone else like this. just me.

what's a kiss between friends?

Pronouns: they/them/theirs, gender neutral!reader

You watched Maddy fiddle with the speakers from the comfort of your bed, one cheap beer can in hand while the other kept your head propped up. She grinned when the music finally began flowing from them and tapped on her phone screen a few times until a Kali Uchis song began playing. Maddy spun on her heel to face you, her hair flying from one shoulder to the next with her movements, and she began to sing along to the song. 

"I just wanna get high with my lover Veo una muñeca cuando miro en el espejo Kiss, kiss"

You chuckled and pushed yourself up to lean back against the headboard, eyes trailing after her as she danced along to the song, swaying her hips and using her half-empty beer can as a microphone. You nodded along to the beat, unable to resist the smile spreading on your lips while Maddy continued her performance. She moved onto the end of the end after setting her can aside, kneeling at the edge, and continuing to sing along with a wide smile.

"But I know a place we can escape Find out how it feels to let go of everything, be free When you're here with me"

Better to see Maddy loose and carefree than agitated over Nate or her parents. She seemed fully in her element, laughter occasionally escaping her and the smile never leaving her face. She leaned down, crawling toward you with a mischievous grin and stealing the can right from your hand once close enough. She flopped onto her back and drank the last remaining drops of beer before setting it on the nightstand and tilting her head toward you, resuming her singing and dramatically resting her hand over her chest. You stayed silent, keeping your teasing at bay for the night. She needed a good time after what Cassie had done to her.

"There's nothing like peace of mind And you take the time to make sure that I'm okay I know I can put stress on your brain"

Maddy trailed off toward the end of the lyrics, her lips pressing together and pursing lightly as she stared up at you. You quirked a questioning brow at her and reached out to brush raven-colored strands out of her face. She swatted lightly at your hand and mimicked your position, curling her arm around her pillow and tilting her head. 

"What is it, Maddy?" You prodded, shifting to lay more on your side and look at her better. She ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it back and fully out of her face, her eyes still lingering on yours. 

"You ever thought about, like..." She trailed off, the tip of her acrylic nail scratching lightly against her jaw. "Kissing?" 

"I had my first kiss years ago, Mads, and you did too."

"That's not what I mean, asshole," She huffed lightly, lightly pushing your temple with two fingers and rolling her eyes dramatically. Her hands moved to the ends of her hair, combing through it thoughtfully. "I mean, like... us." 

Us. It almost sounded like it had a double meaning, as if it meant something more than friendship. You'd known Maddy quite literally your whole life, practically since the womb. Your mother had fallen pregnant around the same time as Mrs. Perez, and as a result, they'd often exchange tips or simply talk about how life had changed for them. It'd almost been fated, really, to become best friends with the girl across the street. You'd seen it all: her rise in popularity, the cheerleading practices, her circle of friends growing, the turbulent relationship with Nate Jacobs. the anger, the sadness. The very definition of ride or die.

"What's a kiss between friends?" She lifted her brows at you, but you knew her too well to miss the hint of nerves. The way her fingers combed through her hair, the slightly pursed lips, the way her eyes slipped away every so often. It would've been a shock to the girls if they learned nothing had ever happened between you and Maddy. They joked about it often, and you were fairly certain they believed Maddy turned to you whenever something went wrong with Nate. She did, of course she did, but not in the way they thought of. 

"Friends." You repeated airily, your finger drawing shapes on the sheets. "You know, you don't treat anyone else like this. Just me. Everyone else thinks you're always acting like this cool girl when you're just a dork."

"A dork?" Maddy scoffed softly, the ends of her lips curling upward. "The fuck you mean, a dork?"

With a soft snort, you leaned forward, planting your lips against her in a swift peck. Her typically colored lips were clean and soft, with only the taste of cherry chapstick. Maddy made a soft noise of surprise, her body growing motionless, but by the time the surprise had faded, you'd already pulled away, slumping back into the pillows and listening to a new song fill the room.

[thatonesonicfanfictionwriter]

I'm the anon who requested the tipsy reader I apologize for that! Instead could I request Shadow x Artist!Reader who's really into this painting for Shadow and he can't see it yet cause it's a surprise and it ends up being a painting of Maria at least from how Shadow described Maria to Reader? Once again I apologize for the other request, have a good day! ❤️

“A Special Gift for you!”

Pairing: Shadow the Hedgehog x Artist Reader

Requested: Yes (by an anon).

Description: Art was always something that made you happy. Hopefully you can share that happiness with your partner.

Notes: This one is cute! And no need to apologize, mistakes happen and I appreciate you coming back with another request! Hope you like this one, anon!

(Reader will be gender-neutral.)

(Not proof-read/beta-read.)

– – – – – – – – – – – –

“What are you doing?” you hear a voice say from behind you.

You stop your painting, turning your head, seeing your confused partner, Shadow, standing next to you with his head tilted.

“Oh, hey Shadow!” you say with a smile. “I’m just painting.”

“What are you painting?” he asks.

“Cream’s pet chao, Cheese and Chocola,” you reply. “I thought it would be a good birthday gift for her.”

“Oh,” he mutters. “Thank you for reminding me that’s coming up.”

“No problem,” you say, returning to your painting.

But as you get to work, that gets you an idea.

Sure, Christmas is a couple months away still, but nothing wrong with a surprise gift beforehand!

But first…Time to finish painting these chao.

After doing so, you set the painting aside, putting a new canvas on your easel, Shadow being long-gone, off doing his own thing.

Good thing he left the room, actually.

Because this next painting was a surprise for him.

You get out your pencils and a drape to put over the canvas should Shadow arrive unexpectedly or should you have to leave the painting unattended.

You think to yourself for a moment how you want this to look.

Shadow likes simple things, but she was really special to him, so…Ugh, conflictions!

Okay, got it.

Simple background, but detailed painting.

That’ll make Shadow happy.

To be fair, anything positive regarding her would make him happy.

Hopefully not make him cry.

Yes, tears are healthy, but seeing him sad makes you sad.

…Okay, now you just sound like a bad person.

Nevermind that thought.

Regardless, you want this to look good.

You start with a rough sketch, the sound of your pencil being the only thing in the room.

After that, you polish up the sketch, again with your pencil. Looking good!

Now to decide on a background…

Ah, of course! Space and stars!

You get out your black, blue, and purple paint, along with the white and yellow for later.

But hearing the door open, you quickly put the drape over the canvas as Shadow walks in.

“Hey Shadow! What’s up?” you ask.

“Just wanted to let you know it’s getting late,” Shadow states. “Don’t stay up too long.”

“I won’t, I’ll be in bed shortly,” you tell him.

Shadow nods before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

You suppose you could start with the paint tomorrow, you are kind of tired after all.

You set all of your paint down near the easel, making sure the drape is on snugly before leaving the room.

A few days pass, and with extensive work, the painting is done. And a good few days before Christmas at that!

You sign your name at the bottom of the painting as you usually do, in white, making it look like a constellation.

Now to bring it to Shadow.

You pick up the painting and exit the room, with the back facing outwards so Shadow can’t see it.

“Shadow! I have a surprise for you!” you say in a cheery sing-song voice.

“A surprise?” Shadow asks. “But it’s not even Christmas yet.”

“It doesn’t have to be a holiday for you to get a gift, silly,” you say. “Now, close your eyes and hold out your hands.”

Shadow sighs but does so, and you place the painting to him with the painted side towards him.

“Okay, now open!” you say excitedly.

Shadow opens his eyes, and his pupils immediately dilate to a small size as he carefully puts a hand on the painting.

“You…you made this for me?” he asks quietly.

“I did,” you reply. “Now you can see her whenever you want.”

Tears start to fall from his eyes and you move to wipe them away as he sets the painting aside, hugging you.

“Thank you…” he mutters.

“No need to thank me,” you tell him. “I just wanted to see you happy.”

And he couldn’t be happier; he was glad to have a caring partner like you by his side.

[jjjjeonww]

yoon jeonghan - "Habit."

featuring: yoon jeonghan and you

~~in which, jeonghan has had the habit of calling you, but how will he get rid of it now? inspired by seventeen vcu, Habit. word count - 995. (dont mind the header, i couldn't find anything else related to the song !!) a/n: . . . @hanniescookie @rosiemain, @kyeomviiee this is for u my loves!! okay but frfr, there's gonna be a kyeom fic for kae, and a woozi fic for rosie incoming soon HAHA (its still for u guys anws) and this one is to get back at augustine bc wtf was that seokmin angst dude. it broke my heart. .. jeonghan sat alone in his apartment, the dim lamp casting a soft glow on the pages of the book he wasn't really reading. his mind was elsewhere, as it always was these days. across the room, a framed photograph of you and him caught his eye. you looked so happy in that moment, your smiles wide and genuine. but that was before everything changed.

he remembered the way your laughter would echo through the room, a melody that had become all too rare. even now, the mere thought of you brought a bittersweet ache to his chest. he wanted to believe that he was okay, that time had healed the wound she left behind, but it was a lie. a cruel deception he told himself to keep moving forward.

his gaze drifted to his phone on the coffee table. the urge to call you, to hear your voice one more time, was overwhelming. but he resisted, knowing that it would only reopen the wound, making the healing process even harder. instead, he tossed the phone aside, burying his face in his hands as a sigh escaped his lips.

the silence of the room was deafening, broken only by the distant hum of the city outside. he longed for the days when your laughter and his would fill the space, when they would stay up all night talking about dreams and fears. but those days were long gone, lost to the sands of time and the choices both of you had made.

he closed his eyes, trying to block out the memories that haunted him. but even in the darkness of his mind, he could see you. your smile, your eyes, the way your hair danced in the wind. he was still hopelessly in love with you, and the thought of you having a harder time in moving on brought him a twisted sense of comfort. at least then, he wouldn't be the only one hurting.

but he knew he couldn't wish pain upon you, no matter how much he longed to feel connected to you again. he had to find a way to move on, to build a life without you. even if it meant living with this constant ache in his heart, this habit of loving you that he couldn't seem to break.

you and jeonghan walked hand in hand through the park, your laughter echoing through the trees. you had met by chance, eyes locking across a crowded room, and from that moment on, you were inseparable. you had become the light to his dark days, the warmth that chased away the chill that had settled in his bones before he had known you. with you by his side, everything seemed brighter, more vibrant, more alive. your smile was contagious, your joy a melody that he couldn't get enough of.

as you strolled through the park, the autumn leaves crunching beneath your feet, jeonghan pulled you closer, his arm wrapped around your waist. you leaned into him, your head resting on his shoulder, a picture of contentment and belonging. he never wanted this moment to end, never wanted to let you go.

"do you remember when we first met?" you asked, voice soft and nostalgic. "i knew from the moment i saw you across that room that you were someone special. your eyes, they held a depth, a sadness that I wanted to understand, to heal."

jeonghan smiled, the memory of that night etched into his mind. he had been attending a gallery opening with a friend, not expecting to meet the love of his life. but then your eyes had met, and everything had changed. "i remember," he said, his voice low and filled with emotion. "i felt it too, that instant connection. like a part of me had found its way home."

you both continued to walk, lost in their thoughts and the memories of their love story. you had been through so much together, weathered storms and celebrated triumphs. his love for you had only grown stronger, more resilient, with each passing day.

as they approached the old oak tree where they always sat, jeonghan pulled you into a tight embrace. cupping your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away the tears that threatened to fall. "i love you," he whispered, his forehead pressed against yours. "i love you more than anything in this world. i want to spend the rest of my life loving you, y/n."

you smiled, a brilliant, radiant smile that took his breath away. "I love you too," you whispered back, your eyes shining with unshed tears. "forever and always, jeonghan. no matter what happens, no matter where life takes us, you will always be my home. my heart, my everything."

you sealed that promise with a kiss, a kiss that spoke of passion, of love, of a future that stretched out before you like an endless, beautiful road. ..

you were invincible, untouchable. the world could burn down around you both, and you would still have each other. that was the power of your love for each-other, the unbreakable bond they had forged through countless trials and triumphs.

but as with all things in life, your story was not destined to be a fairy tale. the path you walked together wasn't always smooth, and the weight of your past mistakes and misunderstandings would eventually take a toll. the arguments that started as mere disagreements grew louder, more heated, until the unthinkable happened.

one day, after a particularly nasty fight, you had walked away. you had left your shared apartment, taking only a small bag with your most precious belongings. you had left him behind, and with your departure, you had taken a piece of his heart with you.

and now as he sits in his once shared apartment, he feels his lips, the one that used to always call you, go completely dry, he realizes it's become a habit, a habit of calling you.

[s4vcu]

blue.

| pairing: seishiro nagi x reader

| in which he comes to realize his (developing) feelings and how much you truly mean to him, all during your absence.

| ft. blue by yung kai! (will always love this song, overrated or not 🥹)

a/n: this is honestly very random yet i couldn’t help but connect nagi to the song blue somehow..so here it is! this super duper long, so i apologize..but anyways that’s that! i hope u enjoy hehe :)

——————————————————————————

as far as seishiro nagi knew, everything was seen as a hassle, even if he was given a simple task and used to being alone. aside from having reo as his friend, choki to keep him company, his phone and his bed, that’s what he thought was all he needed - until you came along.

initially finding you annoying due to your persistence of wanting to be friends with him, he reluctantly let you into his life since reo, a mutual friend of you two, tried convincing him before - but mostly because denying you of a friendship would mean you’d be even more persistent than you already were, which was already a hassle for him to deal with. of course.

“seishiro nagi? that’s a cool name!!”

“sure. what was yours again?”

“(f/n) (l/n)!”

“i see.”

“that’s all?”

“pretty much, yeah.”

“oh..well anyway..can we be friends now?”

“no thanks.”

“again?!”

“mhm.”

‘sigh..’

at the start showing his disinterest in mostly anything you had to say or anything to do with getting to know you, your observant quality allowed you to know more about him and understand him better - slowly but surely, though deep down he was just as subconsciously observant but in his own subtle way, unbeknownst to you.

seeing how you somehow managed to put up with him and his behaviour that he was accustomed to had sparked something. something that made him realize that there was more to you than he thought.

your amount of patience that was endless, your constant kindness and respect towards everyone (even to those who were rude or mean to you), and most of all the comfort in your presence, whether the both of you knew it or not, was something taken for granted in those moments.

and so, the indifference and tolerance he felt towards you and the so called friendship had grown into appreciation of your presence and a now mutual willingness to form a deeper friendship.

and so, time passed by as you, reo and nagi were together in nagi’s dorm, hanging out like the usual before reo brought up soccer and how there was a new program.

“ooh! it’s called blue lock? i see!” you say as reo smiled, introducing the program and talking about what it’s going to include.

meanwhile, nagi was busy as per usual on his phone, though instead of usually and entirely being submerged into his game, he was listening in to the conversation, also taking a few quick glances at you. the more blue lock was being discussed, the more he found himself noticing the hint of sadness in your expression.

“so that means you guys will be leaving me soon.” you muttered, a small pout on your lips as reo could only smile softly, feeling bad as he comforted you the best that he could.

“i know, (y/n). there's still two weeks. it’s okay, we-“ reo says before interrupted.

“we won’t be there for long.” nagi says, catching the two of you off guard.

“i’m surprised you were listening, sei.” you said in response, reo nodding along. “but still, you and reo are leaving me.” you say, a hint of sadness in your tone.

“i know.” he simply responded before unexpectedly turning off his phone, looking up at you and making direct eye contact, focusing on you. “but we’ll still come back to you.”

you paused, about to say something but didn’t follow through with it. what he just said wasn’t something to make a big deal out of, yet there was a deeper meaning, to you atleast. something that meant more - his reassurance to you. it was then that your heart fluttered.

“you promise, sei?” you say, much softer this time, the sadness more evident now.

“yup, promise.” he replies, reo also further reassuring you, though all that was in your mind was a replay of what he said, how he stopped what he was doing, the way he looked at you - all of which that had just happened seconds ago.

since then, you couldn’t help but feel something different. why was your heart pounding uncontrollably whenever nagi was brought up, whenever the two of you would lay on your stomachs together and play his favorite game? it’s nothing new, you’ve gotten used to that, it became a regular occurrence..so why..?

why did you just fall for the seishiro nagi who probably didn’t even know what love was?

as the days passed and you were listening to music while you studied in nagi’s dorm room, reo leaving you and nagi alone since he had something to do with his parents and focused on the material you were reviewing, you were completely unaware of nagi’s unusually curious glances at you. before you could notice, he suddenly sat beside you, resting his head on your shoulder, finding comfort in your presence and getting your attention.

"(y/n).." he grumbled.

“hm? what’s up, sei?” you said softly as you moved one side of the headphones off your ear, your heart racing so fast you swore that he could hear.

he gestured to your phone and then your headphones.

“what’re you listening to?”

you tapped the phone lightly, your lockscreen glowing, showing him what song was playing.

“blue by yung kai. it’s my favorite.” you say, smiling. “you should listen to it sometime.”

“mm..'m too lazy to.” he replied, though there was a hint of something in his eyes, almost as if he was actually considering it for another time.

“of course you would say that.” you simply say, laughing softly as the two of you continued to do your own thing, his head still on your shoulder.

it was those moments that were simple, yet taken for granted. soon enough, the two weeks that you had left with the two passed by. you said your goodbyes to them both, though tears were in your eyes as reo gave you a quick hug, leaving you and nagi behind briefly to talk. they were all you had, changing your life in ways they didn’t even know, especially nagi. though you kept your feelings hidden away, the painful reality that you wouldn’t be able to see and be with him everyday anymore made your heart hurt deeply.

“sei..please do your best, okay? but please come back soon.” you muttered, sniffling as he surprisingly, for the first time, pulled you in for a hug, though very awkwardly.

“mm..i’ll see about that. and i told you already, i’ll come back. so don’t be so sad.” he replied, letting you drench the fabric of his hoodie with your tears before pulling away a bit, looking down at you. “besides, i’ll text you every chance i get.”

“..okay.” you mumbled, sniffling as you hugged him tight once more before pulling away from him entirely, apologizing for getting his hoodie wet as he shrugged it off. you found yourself missing the warmth of his embrace already as he nodded before turning around and walking away from you. “i’m always going to be supporting you. even if i’m not around. take care..” you say, unsure if he heard or not but wanting to get that out - and he did, his heart unusually fluttering at what you just said, wondering what he felt. he looked down at his hoodie, the area where your tears drenched the fabric being just at the spot where his heart was. what was that he felt just now?..it feels..different.

and so, two weeks later, nagi found himself asking fellow roommates or anyone for earphones, headphones of any sort that he could borrow - eventually listening to blue, thinking of you.

“reo, do you have headphones with you?”

“no, why?” reo replied, silence filling the room before he suddenly smiled.

“wait…is it because of (y/n)? finally gonna listen to the songs she’s been recommending you to?” he teased, immediately knowing.

“yeah. i guess..it’s nothing.” nagi replied, shrugging it off, though feeling a pang of something in his heart from the teasing.

reo laughed. “things will make sense soon, don’t worry.” he replied, walking away. what did he mean? what would make sense..? nagi thought as he finally found headphones he could borrow, settling into his shared room and laying in his bed, searching up blue and listening to it.

“your morning eyes, i could stare like watching stars. i could walk you by, and i’ll tell without a thought you’d be mine, would you mind? if i took your hand tonight..know you’re all that i want in this life.”

he sighed, thinking back to the moments your eyes locked with his own, the detail of your lashes fluttering gently with every blink, the warmth in your eyes..he could vividly remember it all. he wondered what it would be like to hold your hand in his - though quickly pushing that thought away.

“i’ll imagine we fell in love, i’ll nap under moonlight skies with you..i think i’ll picture us, you with the waves, the ocean’s colors on your face. i’ll leave my heart with your air, so let me fly with you. will you be forever with me..?"

what was love? what was it like to be in love? were questions he asked himself, continuing to listen to the song. as it finished, he found himself replaying it over and over in hopes that there was some sort of answer the song could give him - and the more that he did, the more he solely thought of you - your kindness, your patience with him, your profuse amounts of support for him and every single moment which he had taken for granted, slowly coming to understand what he’s been feeling lately.

as he could only sigh and replay your favorite song over and over again, slowly continuing to understand everything and letting things settle in, one thing was for sure:

he misses you and your presence, dearly - almost to the point where he was considering quitting, just to come back to you already like he had promised. to think the one person who he found annoying at first had slowly paved their way into being someone who truly means so much to him..and going to say as far as becoming his motivation, even, changed everything.

"hey, (y/n). i listened to blue like you said i should. i like it a lot." he texted, followed by another text.

"..i miss you."

[casually-eat-my-soul]

Okay so after the mountain breakup Geralt wants to apologize but he’s not sure how too. When he goes home for the winters he’s much more grumpy then usual and his brother and vesmir can smell his angsting. It take them nearly all winter to figure out why Geralt is so sad, but when they do they try and help.

All three of them try to figure out a way to have Geralt apologize. But they are Witchers and treat this in the same way they treat a monster hunt. They also don’t understand humans, and Geralt isn’t really that helpful as Jaskier is so different from humans.

When they finally come up with a decent plan, that has backups of course — “what if he escapes out a window instead of listening to Geralt?”

“Humans don’t jump out of widows lambert, they wouldn’t survive”

“Hmm no Jask jumped out of a three story widow when he heard that Valdo Marx was in the same building.”

“Fuck, we got to block out all the exits”

— Geralt sets out to apologize, and unbeknownst to him Lambert and Eskel follow him. They decide that since Geralt bard is well a bard, Geralt obviously needs to serenade him as he apologizes. (Ye old boombox)

So they buy cheap instruments and lay in wait. When Geralt finally starts to apologize it comes off awkward they jump in and start play horribly. They are both sing two different songs while they play hit cross buns. — “I fucked up and now I’m an angsty bastard without you, please fuck me again.”

“Lambert shut the fuck up, the lyric we agreed too was I’m deathly in love with you and being without you leaves me heart broken and berate” — It’s not really a surprise though lambert only followed to make fun of Geralt, while Eskel is a true romantic at heart.

They end up getting into a fist fight, in front of one mortified Geralt and dying laughing Jaskier. but while they are distracted with fighting each other Geralt pulls Jaskier aside and properly apologizes. It’s a sweet moment and they are both slightly crying — “I know that you may never forgive me, but I wish for you to travel with me again, to be better for you, to you.

“Geralt I forgave you two days after the mountain, I missed you too.” — Coen appears out of nowhere with a flower bouquet and gives it Jaskier and claims it’s from Geralt. He also kisses Jaskier hand before stepping away. Geralt nearly decks him. Jaskier makes a joke about swooning over Coen, so Geralt in a fit of confidence kisses him.

Next winter when Geralt brings Jaskier to the keep, they roast his ass. There isn’t a day that goes by without lambert or Eskel bringing up how angsty Geralt was last winter. Jokes on them they don’t have someone like Jaskier to wake up too.

[zablife]

Ordinary People

Summary: When you meet a charming soldier in a base hospital during WWI, you become fascinated by him and quickly develop a relationship. You both agree to leave the affair in France, but what happens when fate has other plans?

Author's Note: Written for @runnning-outof-time's 4K celebration and based on a request from @kammsinn. Tysm for the amazing inspo, darl! Lyrics are from the song "Til We Meet Again."

Warnings: hint of smut, angst with a happy ending

1917

You knew it was unethical conduct that could get you fired, but somehow you set all logic aside that final evening you entered the dark-haired soldier’s hospital room. He had invited you back at sunset with a desperate plea. “I’m leaving Boulogne tomorrow, love. Stay the night with me.” His strikingly blue eyes trained on you eagerly awaiting your reply. “Please,” he added quietly, reaching for your hand. His gaze held such hope, you caved to your own desire immediately.

Giving his hand a gentle squeeze you agreed in a hushed whisper, “Yes, I’ll come back,” you said as a small smile tugged at your lips. Something about the charm of this handsome, young soldier was enough to make you disregard the risk associated with his request.

Later that evening, with heart hammering in your chest, you slipped into his room. You bit your lip to hide your excitement when you caught sight of him. He was shirtless with a bandage covering a large portion of his left shoulder, propped up in bed reading the book you’d brought him days earlier. “Y/n,” Tommy said, looking up at you with a mixture of surprise and relief. “It’s late, I wasn’t sure you’d visit," he admitted shyly, discarding his book on the bedside table.

“Told you I would,” you reminded him gently. “I had to see my favorite patient,” you teased. He broke into a warm smile, pulling you down onto his bed with his good arm. Caressing his face with your fingertips you added softly, “Did you really think I’d let you go without a proper goodbye?”

His smile faded at the mention of your imminent separation. “I don’t want to talk about that tonight,” he confided, burying his head in the crook of your neck and placing kisses to your throat.

“Then we won’t,” you promised, stroking his hair. “I can think of other things we can do,” you whispered into the shell of his ear.

Tommy didn’t miss the hint of mischief in your voice as you scooted closer to him, running a hand down his toned chest and stomach. Though he wanted you badly, his mind was restless with thoughts of his departure. He looked at you with sadness in his cool blue eyes, a chill washing over him you’d never seen before. Even when he was in pain, the man never showed weakness or cried out. He kept so much inside himself you wondered how he could possibly be human. As you took in the sight of his long, feathery lashes you were even more certain of his otherworldly nature.

His eyes traced the features of your face slowly, drinking in the sight of you as you suggested an activity he hadn’t been expecting. “Dance with me,” you asked breathlessly.

“Wasn’t anticipating that,” he joked with a huff of a laugh. Glancing around the room, he cocked an eyebrow at you as he protested, “There’s no music, love.”

“I don’t care. I want you to hold me in the lamplight,” you confided, as you brushed the hair from his forehead. “Let’s pretend we’re far away from this hospital and this war. We’ll be ordinary people on a date somewhere lovely,” you mused, willing away the growing ache of melancholy within your chest.

Noting the pleading look in your eye, he conceded with a gentle nod of his head, “Alright.”

Extending your hand, you put on your most authoritative voice. “On your feet, soldier,” you commanded playfully. The young man shuffled himself to the side of the bed and you helped him stand, the bullet wounds in his left shoulder and back still not properly healed. You allowed him a moment to find his footing, taking the opportunity to let your hair down from the oppressively tight regulation hairstyle. 

Shaking your hair out with a toss of your head, you proclaimed, “That’s better. Now where were we?” you asked with a smile, before lacing your hands around his neck and beginning to hum. Tommy’s hands wandered across your midsection, finally coming to rest at the swell of your hips. He rubbed soothing circles over your uniform as he swayed with you. Closing his eyes, he savored the smell of your shampoo and the softness of your curls against his cheek as you began to sing softly.

Smile the while you kiss me sad adieu,

When the clouds roll by I'll come to you,

Then the skies will seem more blue,

Down in lovers lane my dearie

He hooked a finger under your chin to capture your attention, the remainder of the lyrics dying on your lips as you studied his earnest expression. “Tell me your name,” he begged. You made a rule early on that you wouldn’t exchange names. It was a necessary precaution as you felt yourself falling for him, but realizing the fleeting time between you.

Although you wanted to tell him that first night you sat by his bedside tending a fever, fearful he might die, you never did. You were glad of it when he woke, blinking at you with dazzling sapphire eyes and engaging you in conversation that left you riveted. There was an instant attraction which you teased forth with a nickname in place of his own, hoping that would thwart any foolhardy notions of this lasting beyond the time he was under your care.

“Soldier, you know I can’t do that,” you said, leaning your forehead against his. 

“Why not? It’s not against the rules to contact you after I leave,” he persisted.

You inhaled a shaky breath as you thought of an answer he would accept without malice. 

“I love you. You can’t deny that you love me too,” he urged, eyes glossy with unshed tears.

You gulped harshly at the sight of emotion from him, unsure how to proceed. Allowing your practicality to win, you hushed him as you denied his request. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you choked out, “Doesn’t matter now that you’re leaving."

“It does to me. I don’t want to lose you,” he admitted, setting his jaw sternly.

“You say that now, but when you’re back home, real life will be different. What's between us now will be like a beautiful dream, timeless and unspoiled,” you persuaded. "Don't despair, there will be others,” you said, intending to be hopeful, but falling flat in the delivery.

“Not like you,” he mumbled, a single tear cascading down his freckled cheek. 

You wiped it away with your fingertips, soon replacing your hand with your lips to leave a trail of kisses from his cheek to his jawline. Allowing your head to drift lower onto his mouth, you kissed him with fervor. It was an attempt to demonstrate your feelings physically and he reciprocated immediately, tangling a large hand in your hair. 

No more words were spoken between you as he pushed you onto his bed and undressed you as he’d wished to do many times before. It was under the light of a pale crescent moon and the soft glow of the oil lamp that he made love to you for the first and last time. 

He savored every small sensation as he seated himself inside you, recording each moan and whimper into his brain as you arched off the bed beneath him. It was the most alive he’d been in years, feeling you writhe against him. He couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to have this always. He quickly felt himself unraveling, impending orgasm suddenly crashing over him as he released into you without meaning to. 

In the moment of passion, you clung to him, wrapping your legs around his trim waist to pull him impossibly closer. He brought his lips to yours again as you too came undone, swallowing your cries so as not to be discovered by the night nurse on duty.

The last thing he remembered was collapsing beside you and tugging you toward his chest insistently. The drumming of his heartbeat against his ribs eventually subduing and your gentle breathing lulling him into a peaceful slumber. In the morning, he would wake to an empty bed and his few possessions lovingly packed by the door in anticipation of his departure. It was only then that he forced himself to accept the fact that he would never see you again.

——————————————————————

1922

“Why are we here, Tom?” Arthur grumbled as he downed another drink. 

“There are influential families at this party who can help us,” Tommy grimaced as he downed his whisky in one gulp.

Arthur nudged him as he noticed a woman staring from across the room. “Would she belong to one of those families?” he asked, wondering if his brother had ulterior motives.

Tommy’s eyes scanned the room until he found the lady Arthur had pointed out. The hair was different, but your smile remained the same after all these years. He would have felt the warmth of it from hundreds of miles away. 

“You alright, brother?” Arthur asked.

“M fine,” Tommy mumbled, crossing the room to the woman he’d dreamt about since he left France.

As he approached the small group where you stood, his palms began to sweat. He wasn’t sure what he might say after all this time, but soon found his mouth opening in a formal greeting nonetheless. 

You instantly beamed back at the sight of a familiar face. “Hello, soldier,” you greeted him congenially.

Tommy was taken aback at the familiar salutation you’d given him each morning back in France. Time stood still as he reached for your hand and kissed it gently. “You remembered,” he mumbled.

“I could never forget you,” you replied. It was true that you hadn’t gone a day without thinking of him in the five years since you left his bed that misty November morning. In a hushed voice you added, "There have been many times I wished to talk to you and discuss the events of the day as we used to. It was comforting to me."

Tommy looked away as he felt himself overcome with emotion, remembering how you insisted on remaining a stranger to him. “What are you playing at?” he asked, venom seeping into his voice at the thought of looking weak once more, the way he had revealed himself that last night when he begged to know your name.

You furrowed your brow in confusion at his sudden anger, stuttering in return “N-nothing. I only wanted you to know—“

But he cut you off before you could finish. “To know that I was a fool? I was to think you ever cared for me,” he asserted.

“That’s not true,” you said shaking your head fiercely and feeling your large diamond earrings collide with your neck.

Tommy’s patience was wearing thin now and he contemplated excusing himself from the party altogether until you reached for his arm. Clutching at the expensive material of his tuxedo with your fingertips, you looked into his eyes, your own brimming with tears as you confessed, “I loved you too. I’m sorry I couldn't bring myself to say it then." You shifted your weight uncomfortably as you asked, "Can we start anew?”

He softened at your touch and your admission, a feeling of vindication rushing through his blood. Placing a hand over yours he answered without thinking of his pride, “Yes, I’d like nothing more. Shall we begin with an introduction?” he asked hopefully.

You nodded as you offered the thing he'd wanted most. "Y/n Y/l/n," you replied, holding his gaze. "And you are?"

"Thomas Shelby," he said, standing a bit straighter as he introduced himself. "Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let me take you somewhere tonight. We'll start over, as you said," he eagerly began.

“It’s not that easy,” you interjected, biting your lip in concern. “I have a new life now that I can't leave at a moment's notice,” you warned him.

He dropped his hand from you instantly, head turning to look around the room as he asked, “You have someone?” 

“Yes,” you hesitantly admitted, watching his jaw clench in frustration.

Placing your hand to his cheek you calmed him with a soothing tone you’d used with wounded men in France. “It’s not like that….not what you’re thinking.”

Tommy jerked away suddenly, biting down hard on his lower lip. “Who is he?” his low voice rumbled with a hint of agression.

You sighed, knowing you had to admit it now before you lost your courage. “His name is William,” you rushed out in a single breath.

“I don’t understand why you’re telling me this,” Tommy admitted.

“It’s time you knew,” you said with a gentle nod.

“Knew what?” he pressed, looking at you with a mix of confusion and concern.

“That you have a son,” you whispered, looking at him with tears spilling past your lashes. “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t even know your name.” You hid your face in your hand, overcome with the unburdening of your soul. You’d cried yourself to sleep so many nights wishing you hadn't foolishly insisted on keeping your identities concealed. It had been a harsh few years, relying solely on the generosity of your wealthy parents, but suffering their hurtful opinions on the matter.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” Tommy consoled you, cradling you into his strong arms and allowing you to cry into his lapels.

“You don’t hate me?” you sniffed, looking up at him.

“Never…I only hated being apart from you,” he confessed. “Now that I’ve found you, I’ll never let you go,” he swore, raising your chin toward him for a slow, sensual kiss that made your knees buckle.

“You mean that?” you asked with a shuddering breath.

“Of course I do. I only ask one favor first,” he said as he caressed the top of your head lightly.

“What’s that?” you asked with furrowed brow.

“Dance with me,” he said with a wide smile. “Like we did all those years ago.”

“Like ordinary people,” you added, remembering your last night swaying beneath the window of his hospital room.

“Just two ordinary people who found each other again under extraordinary circumstances,” he said, leading you onto the dance floor.

------------------------

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[petpenname]

❣️Red Wine Supernova❣️

pairing: dealer!ellie williams x introverted(f)reader c.w: weed smoking, insinuated self-pleasure Summary: modern college au, dealer!ellie x introverted!(f)reader, slow burn with some sad elements. Inspired by Red Wine Supernova by Chapel Roan Parts: 1. I Just Want To Get To Know You 2. Mini Skirt and My Go-Go Boots 3. I Don't Care That You're A Stoner + Epilogue: Falling Into Me a/n: new writer so be nice >:3 sry if the format is a lil fucked

Part One:

I Just Want To Get To Know You

Mornings are your happy place. Your room is your sanctuary, and you greet the day in your usual fashion. Floating around your space listening to music, doing your skincare and makeup, and finding the perfect outfit. This morning, however, was anything short of paradise. Today was the last day of finals week and all the studying and stress got the best of you last night as you completely burnt out of all your routines. You push the empty chip bags and energy drinks aside on your nightstand to make some room for your phone, which is dead. How could you forget to plug it in? 

Opting to check the time on your computer you realize you overslept. There's only twenty minutes to don an outfit before you head to your first exam of the day. You curse yourself first then promise to have a full self care evening after finals are finished. Tossing on some leggings and an oversized hoodie equipped with the Jackson College logo. You do a quick wash of our face, minimal skin care, grab your phone, bag and shoes and you are out the door. 

Thankfully, living a block from campus has its pros. You fast walk the block to campus and b-line for the cafe. Popping in and getting into the short line hoping to see someone who knows your order working. You let out a sigh of relief when you see Sasha working the cash register. 

The barista greeted you, “Morning Y/N! Happy end of finals week!” 

“Morning Sasha, I can’t wait for this week to be over. I'm in a rush this morning so I'll just do my coffee, no pastry please.”

“Sure thing babe” she starts writing in your order, “it'll be out in just a minute.”

You pay and wish each other luck finishing exams. Retiring to a stool on the side of the pickup area, you put your headphones in to try and reclaim some peace in your morning. After a full song plays you glance at the time and realize you have been here for a few minutes too long. Behind the barista station, you see a brown-haired girl facing the back counter. She's moving around like she doesn't know what she's doing and Sasha is watching from the side making small comments. You assume it's a new hire so you wait the extra minute for her to finish with your drink -praying that she doesn't fuck it up and ruin another part of your morning. You zone out to your music again and before you know it you hear your order being called out:  “Medium mocha with half chocolate for.. y/n?” 

You look up and almost choke on your breath as your eyes meet pools of emerald green. Light whips of auburn fly around a flushed face, dotted with freckles. You stumble off the stool and brush fingers with the girl as you grab your coffee, not wanting to take your eyes off her. 

“Sorry it took a minute Y/N, Ellie here is training today” Sasha pipes in from behind. The girl smiles sheepishly as your eyes snap away and focus on the coffee in hand. When did you grab this? 

“Oh, yeah, no problem, thank you!.” you say, trying to recollect yourself. “I’ll see you later Sasha!” 

Heading out the door, the cool air whips the interaction out of your mind, as your only focus now is making it through the rest of the finals day.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

5pm finally rolls around and you let out a sigh as the fresh air hits you while leaving the lecture building. You pull out your phone to check for messages and play some music on your walk back.

You have (7) unread messages:

*H03 Hoes* Olivia: Anyone up for dinner and a movie? I need to dissociate after  this week o.o Ivy: yes I'm there but only if we can get Red Mill Phoebe: I'll be at Daniels tonight :)  Olivia: we know pheebs lol have fun love birds Sage: if we are getting Red Mill im gettin high Ivy: Y/N!!!? Where are youuu?? Phoebe: :D

Staring at the screen you smile in relief, just what you need after a long day; your roommates out of the house, time for yourself. Your last two exams were harder than you expected and all you want to do is order takeout, put on a show, and take a bath. You gather your thoughts and text a response;

*H03 Hoes* Y/N: staying in girls, i need some TLCOlivia: i don't blame you, this week was fucked Ivy: Want us to bring you back a burger? Y/N: that's okay, i'm ordering Thai :) Sage: oh my god you really do need this night, i'm leaving you a joint Y/N: lol thanks sage Olivia: we'll be back by midnight! Have fun ;)

Your roommates were always understanding, you really couldn't have wished for a better housing placement. House 03 was one of ten houses that were off-campus communal housing. You moved into the house a month into your first semester at school. The rest of the girls had time to bond but welcomed you in like another sister. Your introverted tendencies sometimes made you feel like a shut-in as your roommates always had something to do or somewhere to be. Sage was probably the most understanding, she enjoyed staying in also & always shared her stash with you when she did. On the rare occasion you accepted, you and she got stoned and watched shitty TV and ate takeout. 

Finishing your response to the girls, you put on a playlist that you've been loving recently and put your phone away, looking up just in time to come face to face with another person. Bumping into each other you both stumble back in equal confusion.

“Ah fuck, shit, sorry!” says a honey sweet voice.

Y/N: “Oh fuck no im sorry! I was not paying attention” you take out your earbuds and catch your balance as you look up at who you collided with. Green eyes instantly meet yours. Swirls of auburn hair and freckles dance across her face as she smiles and laughs.

“Oh hey, didn't I make your coffee this morning?”

“My what?” you say in confusion.

“Your coffee! At the cafe, I was training this morning. You got like a mocha or something?” the girl rubs her temple trying to remember.

“oh! Oh yeah! That was you” you chuckle, stealing yourself away from her gaze. Holy shit, you completely forgot about this morning, how could you forget about such a pretty girl?

“That's me!" She says. "I'm Ellie, by the way.” She holds out a hand with a sideways smile.

“Im Y/N” shaking her hand, blushing a little.

Ellie: “So where are you in such a rush to, Y/N?” 

You laugh, “nowhere really, home. I'm so over this week.” 

“Same oh my god, I'm almost done with work I just have a drop off to do. Then I'm free!” 

Her goofy enthusiasm was infectious, you felt oddly comfortable with this girl.

“Oh, cool? I'm going that way” you point across and down the street towards the College neighborhood. 

“Me too! Walk together?” Ellie suggests

You nod and set off together. It was a short walk and for the first few steps, you were quiet. Everything happened so fast, the collision, the conversation, and now you're walking together?! That's no big deal, you're just walking together! You steal a glance at the girl beside you. Holy shit how long has she been staring at you? “I'm not even going to ask how your finals went if they were anything like mine!” Ellie laughs, scratching the back of her head  

You chuckle trying not to trip over your own feet, “yeah they were pretty difficult, i'm just glad they are over for now” 

There's not enough conversation to distract you from the growing ball of nerves in your stomach. You keep stealing small glances at the beautiful girl strolling alongside you with such ease and confidence. Before you know it you get to your house walkway, you turn to Ellie

“This is me, uh it was nice meeting you! And thanks for making my coffee” You are suddenly aware of how awkward you feel, trying not to make eye contact.

“Oh yeah no problem,” Ellie leans slightly to look behind you at the house, “you live here? Do you know Sage? I'm here to meet her.” Ellie says, pointing towards your house She's asking about your roommate? Something clicks when you realize you've seen this girl before, no you’ve heard her voice before. Whenever Sage stayed in she would call her dealer, who never came inside but Sage and her would talk on the porch for a bit during the deal.

“Are you Sage’s dealer?” you ask.

“Have you been smoking my shit?” Ellie laughs

“No I mean, sometimes I partake, but yeah Sage is my roommate, um come on up?” 

“Wicked” Ellie follows you up the path and steps and waits at the door as you call into the house.

“I'm home! Sage! You have a visitor!” 

“HI HOME! I'm Sage!” you hear from upstairs as the blonde girl comes bounding down the stairs. “Oh what's up Ellie, sorry you had to deal with her y/n” 

Ellie scoffs behind you, “yeah whatever, you can find a new dealer”

Sage laughs, “And buy from a dude? No way, I support woman-owned businesses. How much do I owe you?”

You bow out subtly during their conversation. Before the two girls make their exchange you are halfway up the stairs. Letting their conversation get muffled as you enter your bedroom. You don’t know why you seclude yourself so much. Social interactions can be so anxiety inducing for you and you were well past spent on interacting this week. 

Tossing your shoes and bag in the corner you collapse on the floor wrapping a blanket around you. Finally safe in your own space. It wasn't long before you heard footsteps coming up the stairs and Sage was knocking on your door.

“Hey babes, you doing okay?” 

You get up, blanket still wrapped around you and shuffle to the door, opening it slightly before leaning on the door frame, looking like a sad puppy.

“Oh y/n it was a long week huh? Well I'll be out of your hair soon. I just wanted to give you this.” she holds out a joint, which you now know came from Ellie.

“Thanks Sage, I might actually spark this tonight.” You smoked with Sage occasionally but never alone.

“It’ll help, light it in the bath! That's my favorite thing to do” Sage beams and hands over the joint, it was beautifully rolled, you almost didn't want to ruin it. She gives you a small squeeze on the arm and blows you a kiss before wishing you a good night and skipping towards her room to get ready for the evening. 

You shut the door and drop the blanket down, giving into a big stretch before locking into self care mode. This is where you really excel, you know the ins and outs of what creates an environment that lets you rest and recoup to the best of your abilities. And currently your room was in disarray from the late nights spent studying and dissociation. You put your headphones in and go to work. It takes half an album to clean up the mess from the previous week. You are feeling much better and continue on your self love ritual. Peaking your head out into the hallway you listen for any sound of your roommates. 

Silence, perfect, Olivia and Ivy must have come and left with Sage while you were cleaning. You pop your headphone back in and continue your groove downstairs to get something to drink and order your take out. While on the call your phone buzzes from a text, thinking nothing of it, it must be one of your roommates. You complete your order and finish up in the kitchen returning to your room for a much needed bath. All focus on yourself.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's nearly an hour later, you've drawn your bath and your take out has arrived. A shitty show you’re half paying attention to plays off your laptop, propped up on the laundry basket. You finish your last spring roll feeling a little bored and you grab your phone, figure you’d scroll some socials for a bit. Flicking on your screen you see you have a text from an unknown number. 

Unknown: “Do you always stay in on a friday night? ;)”

Your hear skips a beat. Your heart rate rises, confused and anxious who got your number? How do they know your home alone? Also this was an hour ago! You text back; Y/N: um, who is this?

You wait only a minute before you get a text back,

 “Ellie :)”

Relief sets in, not a creepy guy or stalker, thank god. Your phone buzzes again.

Ellie: “Gosh made you coffee and walked you home, am I that forgettable?”

You text back quickly, “no sorry, hey! I just didn’t know your number. How did you get mine?”

Ellie: “Sage gave it to me, I hope that's okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah that's cool!” you text back.

A little confused why Sage would give out your number without asking but your thoughts are interrupted by another text from Ellie:

“You didn't answer my question silly ;)”

You reread Ellie's first text. You do usually stay in, even on friday nights.

“Pretty much lol” you respond with another text, “I don’t really like parties”

“I feel that, good for business, bad for vibes lol” ellie responds

You stare at the screen, taken aback by how all of a sudden you are talking to this girl you hardly know for the second time today. Suddenly the bath is way too hot and wet, your laptop playing a little too loud. You close your phone, pause your show, and start to drain the tub. Rinsing off and finishing up your shower routine, you are standing at the vanity when your phone lights up catching your eye. It’s Ellie again,

“So would you like some company? I'm nearby actually” A glance at the time tells you it's 9pm, late for you, your only other plans for the night was to curl up in bed and continue your show until you fall asleep. You take a second to think about things as you put some clothes on, a soft pair of pajama bottoms, a tank top and a slouchy oversized sweater. Something in you was intrigued with this girl. It was strange for you to feel like you wanted to hang out with someone let alone someone you just met late at night. 

You pace for a minute thinking, am I really going to do this? Typing out the text and holding your breath before hitting send then chucking your phone on the bed and running to the mirror.

“Okay, why don't you come over?”

You inspect your appearance. Natural beauty, your skin care routine was spot on and truthfully you loved your look the most at night after you cared for yourself. You felt a rush of adrenaline and took a few breaths to calm yourself before sliding on a pair of slippers and grabbing your phone to go downstairs. Before leaving, the joint on your night stand catches your eye and it only seemed right to bring it along, Ellie did roll it.

On the way down the stairs, there's a knock at your door, that was fast. You peek out the window to be safe, Ellie standing with her back to the window facing away from the door. Hand scratching the back of her head, it looks like she's changed since you saw her last. You open the door and catch a whiff of pine and amber as she turns to face you, the same sideways smirk on her face from before. She's wearing all black, dirty Converse, ripped jeans, and a black jacket over a green hoodie.

“Hey, whoa cute fit” Ellie laughs as she looks you up and down, “cozy?”

You move a little at her comment, noticing how underdressed you are. “You caught me at the end of my shower” 

She chuckles again, “well I wasn't trying to take you out, was wondering if you wanted to smoke this with me?” Ellie pulls a joint from behind her ear, and holds it up between her pointer and middle finger.

Your nerves are going crazy but something in the way she looks at you makes you feel at ease in her presence. 

“Yeah sure, I have one of yours already actually” you say as you hold up the joint, it's a little crushed as you realize your hands were clenching. 

Ellie laughs, “you keep that one, we can smoke this one” she gives you that smile again. “Are we gonna stand on the porch all night?”

You snap into reality a bit and stumble over your words and yourself, letting her into the house. “no! Sorry, ya we can smoke in the back, we have some chairs out there.”

“Sweet, I'll follow you cutie” 

You turn away from the comment before Ellie could see your cheeks go up in flames. 

You lead her through the house to the back door and out into the small yard. There's a fire pit in the corner with a few lawn chairs around it. There's a light breeze in the air but it's rather temperate for a spring evening. You sit down in a chair and Ellie flops down next to you. Pulling out a lighter and joint. You watch as she puts the joint between her lips, lightly holding it with one hand and lighting with the other. Your eyes are locked on her while she inhales and the cherry goes red illuminating her soft features. Only when she exhales a cloud of smoke and looks at you do you look away quickly. Darting your gaze away to the joint held out in front of you. 

“Here ya go y/n” Ellie's voice is low and gravely, cutting through the silence of the night. 

You swallow and take the joint, breathing out preparing yourself for the hit. You can feel Ellie's eyes on you as you inhale, hold for a second too long, and exhale out in coughs, covering your face and shoving the joint in Ellies direction. “Shit, hahah, I don't smoke that often.” you get out

“Oh! That's okay, you don’t have to if you don’t want it!” Ellie takes another drag, hesitating to pass it back your way.

“No, no it's okay, the first hit is always the roughest,” you say through your coughing fit. “I usually smoke with Sage.” 

Taking another drag and speaking as smoke billows out past her lips, “Okaaay you can tap out at any time light weight” She chuckles at the end of her sentence but reaches the joint back out to you. You take it, needing another hit to settle the growing nerves in your stomach, she will not stop looking at you.

You and Ellie pass the joint back and forth a few rounds in easy silence. Only a few loud conversations and music from down the block fill the air. Ellie breaks the silence after a moment.

“So I know you said you don’t like parties but there's this one tomorrow night at my friend Jessie’s house, he lives in 09. My roommate Dina and I are going, you might like it?” 

Jessie… You've heard that name before, he was one of Daniel’s, Phoebe's boyfriend's roommates. A group of boys that live in House 09, down the street from you. You've actually been to their house for a party once before. It was fun for an hour until you Irish good-byed to go home and lay in bed. Texting your roommates of course, because girls always need to stay safe. Considering your roommates would be inviting you to this party as well you decide to accept Ellies invitation too.

“Oh yeah, my roommate Phoebe is dating Daniel who lives in 09, i'll probably be there for a little bit.”

Ellies face lights up, and she moves in a way that looks like she's trying to hide her excitement. “You will! Cool, I'll see you there then! Ah this thing is out.” She stubs out the cherry in the joint and tosses it into the fire pit. “Well I should let you get back to your evening princess, I have a few more drop offs to do tonight anyway.” She stands from her seat with a stretch  and holds her hand out for you to grab as you stand. Her jacket got pushed up a bit and you notice a dark image on her forearm, a tattoo? It's hard to tell in the dark. You grab her hand, making a mental note of how strong and soft they are before standing fully and stepping back.

“I'll walk you out then, uh thanks for smoking me out” Your mind is hazy and calm, you barely realize that your nerves are settled, you're comfortable. Ellie follows you back into the house and to the front door, you both pause at the open door, Ellie's eyes on yours, yours on your hands.

“So I'll see you tomorrow night?” Ellie breaks the silence, making you look up,suddenly the nerves are back.  

“Yeah, i'll see you around Ellie” you do your best to not shiver, and give her a smile.

The green eyed girl averts her gaze as she sheepishly scratches the back of her head. “Alrighty, have a good rest of your night!” She turns to leave but turns back, 

“oh yeah, it's a decade's party, so you gotta dress up”

She gives you stupid snap and finger guns and turns away, popping down the steps and into the night. You let the cool air wash over you as you watch her walk down the street. Noticing the flick of a lighter in the night as she goes out of sight. You close the door and nearly collapse against it as your stomach begins to flutter again. Holy shit holy shit holy shit.

You take your phone out as you run up to your room, texting your house group chat immediately.

*H03 Hoes* Y/N: “Sage, why'd you give my number to a stranger?? Also… is there a party tomorrow night at H09?”

It was a little while before you got a response from your roommates, their movie must have ended, it was now 11:30pm. You shoot up from your bed responding to your roommates;

*H03 Hoes* Sage: “Ellies, not a stranger! And she asked for it ;)” Olivia: “The Decades party yeah! We were going to ask you tomorrow if you wanted to go!” Y/N: “Well yeah not anymore, she kinda came by the house and smoked me out.” Ivy: “Yo what?!!! y/n hung out with a girl??” Y/N: Hey, I'm allowed to do stuff! Lol Sage: lolol we’ll be home in a little bit! We can get ready for the party tmrw together :D”

You lock your phone and look around the room, you realize you had been pacing for that whole conversation. Adrenaline going crazy, your mind flashing images of auburn hair and green eyes. You probably had 30 minutes left of alone time in the house so you decide to end your night right, how you usually do. Stealing yourself under your blankets, touching and pleasuring yourself until your breath relaxes you into sleep. However tonight, green eyes stare back at you in your mind.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

[babysukiii]

how long can we be a sad song? (till we are too far gone to bring back to life)

modern day high school au

// your girlfriend lottie has always made it clear soccer is her main priority. when nationals near and she begins ignoring you, your final straw seems to be when she lashes out at you. //

warnings: angst but kinda fluffy at the end, breakups, asshole!lottie, jock!lottie, she’s mean for like a minute lol

you let out a quiet sigh as you sit on the bleachers and watch your girlfriend and laura lee continue to practice on the soccer field. even though practice ended an hour ago. finally, laura lee announces she needs to get home, and she waves at you as she makes her way off the field. you look over at lottie who’s offering you a smile. it’s way too late to go and watch that movie in town you wanted to see, so you know now your only option is hanging out at one of your houses.

you stand up, making your way down the bleachers and over to your girlfriend. “did you still want to hang out?” lottie asks, “i’m a bit tired, maybe we can just catch the movie tomorrow?” lottie offers and you feel your entire mood sour even more than it already was. “i just waited two hours to hang out with you.” you point out, and the raven haired girl frowns. “i never asked you to wait. i told you i have to really focus on nationals.” lottie states sternly, and you nod. “i know that. i know nationals is super important to you… but you’ve blown me off for three weeks now because of it. i just thought… i don’t know, you’d make a little time for me too.” your voice is quiet, and soft. you don’t sound angry but you sound disappointed.

lottie feels a wave of guilt wash over her. “i’m sorry. tomorrow i’ll leave as soon as coach ben ends practice. promise.” she insists, sounding so sincere you actually believe her. your dismal expression is quickly replaced by a happy one. you nod, “okay. can you meet me at my place tomorrow after practice? i have a piano lesson at my house so i can’t watch you practice.” you admit and she nods, flashing you the same smile you fell in love with. “of course, babe. come on, i’ll drive you home.” she offers kindly, and your heart skips a beat as she reaches for your hand, interlocking her fingers with yours.

the next day at school you spent the entire day eager for it to end. you couldn’t wait to see the barbie movie, and you had been going on and on about how excited you were about it. you even missed going with your friends, in order to see it with lottie because she promised. after school, you give lottie a kiss goodbye and made your way to your sisters car.

what you expect after your piano lesson is lottie to text you that she’s outside and waiting for you. but what happens is you get ready for your date, and you end up waiting two hours. two hours and not a single text or call from lottie. you don’t even bother texting her more than once because you feel so emotionally exhausted. she’s been putting you aside all year for soccer, and sure, at first you understood. this could get her a scholarship… but she’s rich! she could afford to get into any school, and play on any college team…

maybe she just doesn’t want to hang out with me.

“honey, why are you all dolled up? you have plans?” your mother asks you, walking out of the kitchen wearing an apron that’s stained with some sort of red sauce. “no. not anymore. i was supposed to hang out with lottie today, but… she canceled for soccer practice again.” you confess hesitantly and your mother nods. “that girls gonna burn herself out with all the practice she does.” she comments jokingly, but you’re not in the mood to laugh. your mother realizes something is wrong right away.

“mom, do you think… do you think lottie likes soccer more than she likes me?” you question, your voice laced with insecurity. your mother laughs as if you’ve said the funniest thing on the planet. “that’s absurd, mija (sweetheart), that girl once walked all the way here just to give you flowers.” your mother reminds and you feel a pang of hurt hit your heart. “she… she just doesn’t do those things anymore. she’s always been so serious about soccer but this year? god, she’s been a nightmare. did i tell you allie broke her leg during a practice scrimmage? that’s how serious they’re taking this…” you trail off and the older woman’s eyes widen a bit at the revelation.

“she’s just a different person these days. it doesn’t feel like she likes me very much anymore.” you admit sadly, and your mother frowns. “have you talked to her about this?” she inquires uncertainly, and you nod. “not all of it, but i have told her i feel like she puts soccer before me and our relationship a lot.” you explain, “she always says it’s just in my head, and that she loves me… but she stood me up again after promising she wouldn’t and i—“ your voice cracks and your mother rushes over to you. “honey, no. this— this isn’t right. you need to talk to her about this. all of it.” the older woman says sternly, and you sniffle as you wipe a tear away. you’ve always been so sensitive and this entire situation was getting to you.

“what if— what if we break up? or what if she confirms that she does think soccer is more important? i… i don’t know if i can handle that.” you whisper the last part and the raven haired woman shakes her head. “well you’re going to have to, because the longer you let this fester, the worse you’re going to feel.” she comments stringently, causing you to look up at her with sad eyes. “y-you’re right. i’ll talk to her tomorrow.” you assure her, and just as your mother is about to respond, your phone starts vibrating.

the screen lights up with texts from lottie, and you look at your mom. “it’s her.” you say, and she shrugs. “don’t respond for a few hours. come help me with dinner, it’ll get your mind off her.” she suggests, and you press your lips together. “isn’t ignoring her just as bad?” you question and she shakes her head, “you’re just giving her a taste of her own medicine. come on; leave the phone there and come help me.” your mother insists, helping you off the couch and gesturing your towards the kitchen.

all your mother let you do was chop up some zucchini, and set the table. still, talking with her about other things than lottie was nice. and talking about lottie definitely gave you some perspective. you were definitely going to talk to your girlfriend about this, and you were going to put your foot down. you weren’t going to make her choose between you and soccer; you’d never even consider doing that. you just wanted a little time, and to maybe be prioritized a little better.

after dinner you end up going upstairs, taking a shower, washing your face, and brushing your teeth. you wander around your bedroom, nirvana blasting on your speaker as you dry your hair. your phone chimes again, signaling you got another text.

(7;56 p.m) lottie: tai made us practice late again, i’m sorry. can we reschedule?

(7;57 p.m) lottie: this saturday is all yours! i promise!

(8;12 p.m) lottie: hello?

(8;15 p.m) lottie: my texts are delivering, so i know your phones on.

(8;20 p.m) lottie: i’m really sorry about the movie

(9;33 p.m) lottie: no phone call tonight?

(9;35 p.m) you: hey, i got caught up with piano practice, and helping my mom with dinner, and then being stood up by my girlfriend

you know your response is petty, and unlike you, but you were still upset. lottie has never just pushed you aside like this, and to do it so consistently all of a sudden made you feel so bad. especially about yourself. it made you wonder if she was losing interest. if maybe she was only using soccer as an excuse to stop hanging out with you.

(9;38 p.m) lottie: well, i’m glad you’re alive. i didn’t stand you up, you know how tai gets when she decides something. i have to take nationals seriously.

you scoff at her response, and quickly get to typing.

(9;40 p.m) you: i understand that. but you’ve promised me four different times about this movie, and at this point i don’t even want to go anymore.

(9;42 p.m) lottie: i know you’re upset and i’m sorry. but if i want to win nationals i have to practice really hard. harder than usual. right now that’s my main concern

you toss your phone onto your bed, not even bothering to respond. it was like talking to a brick wall. tomorrow you’d have to face her and talk about this in person. the thought alone causes a nauseous feeling to settle in the pit of your stomach. there was this wave of dread that washes over you, and for the first time in your relationship with lottie, you feel as though you two aren’t on the same page.

the next day at school was hell for lottie. you barely spoke to her; you didn’t sit with her and the team during lunch. she knew you were upset but she didn’t think you were this upset. you’ve always been so understanding about her passion for soccer, and you’ve never acted this way before. but… then again, lottie has never taken practice this serious. she just doesn’t want to let her team down, and she can see how much the girls want this. she wants it too, but she knows they have more on the line. tai wants a scholarship, and going to nationals will look great on a college application.

you’ll get over it. lottie tells herself. that day she sees you waiting for her by the bleachers; there’s an unrecognizable expression drawn onto your features. she just finished changing into her practice clothes and cleats, and she tries to smile at you, but it doesn’t quite meet her eyes. “hey.” she says as she leans in to kiss you, but you tilt your head to the side in order for her lips to land on your cheek. “hi… we should talk. i’ll make it quick.” you promise and she nods uncertainly, a feeling of unease creeping up on her. “i don’t really like the way i’ve been feeling lately…” you start, and she opens her mouth to talk but you stop her.

“… i’ve always felt like you and i have been on the same page, but lately i just feel like your mind is strictly on soccer. for the entire year you’ve been spending extra time practicing, and you barely talk to me about anything other than it. you blow me off for practice and you’ve missed all of our date nights for the last three months.” you point out, and lottie shakes her head. “y/n, do you understand what’s at stake here? not just my future, but all of my teammates. i’m not just working this hard for me, it’s for my team. i’m sorry if you’re feeling a little ignored and craving attention, but until nationals are over, you’re just gonna have to suck it up and deal with it.” she states, sounding a bit frustrated.

you look shocked with her words; she’s never been that blunt and cruel. here you were telling her how you felt and she was being like this. lottie can see the look on your face, you look as though you’re about to cry. though she’s much too stressed to care, so instead of deciding to apologize like she normally would, she scoffs. “i don’t have time for this. every day is another problem with you. it’s getting annoying.” lottie snaps, and you try to blink away the tears as you clench your jaw. she sounds so much like her father (who she hates), it nearly makes you laugh.

“well, i’m sorry for wanting to spend some time with you. i’m sorry i actually believed you when you promised me you’d make time and put in the slightest bit of effort for me. that was clearly my mistake. don’t worry, matthews, i promise i won’t be a problem for you anymore.” you hiss, tears in your eyes as you sound angry and hurt. lottie watches you leave and she stands there, feeling like a complete asshole. before she can even consider chasing after you, coach ben blows his whistle, signaling for all the girls to get on the field.

so here’s the thing, when you promised lottie you wouldn’t be a ‘problem’ anymore, she wasn’t exactly sure what you meant. but the next day, you came to school with a small box of her things in your hands. you march right up to her, there was nothing but determination on your face. lottie wasn’t stupid; she knew what this meant and it causes her heart rate to pick up anxiously. “the rest of your stuff you can come pick up whenever. it was too big to bring to school.” you say, keeping your voice quiet so no one can hear. lottie looks like a kicked puppy, “wh-what do you mean?“ you almost feel bad about the clear fear in her tone as she realizes she’s losing you.

“it didn’t fit in the box, so you can come and pick it up whenever.” you repeat more clearly, as if you hadn’t been clear as day the first time. “i know that… i just mean— why are you giving me my stuff back?” she asks, completely afraid of the answer. you don’t respond, and the silence tells her everything. “you’re breaking up with me over a fight?” she asks a bit angrily, and you shake your head; your poker face faltering. “i’m breaking up with you because you act like you don’t want to be with me! i’m not asking you to stop prioritizing soccer, i just wanted a little effort, lottie. you couldn’t even give me that.” you point out, pushing the box into her arms.

“like i said, you can pick up your other stuff whenever you’re not too busy.” you practically hiss at her, before you turn around and leave her standing there. lottie feels as though she’s been slapped in the face. the one person she had figured would always be there, was now walking away from her and disappearing into the hoard of bustling students. natalie, who had been watching the entire ordeal from her locker, walks up to lottie. “what was that about? it looked serious…” natalie starts cautiously, trying to make sure her best friend is okay. lottie looks worse than when becky martin started telling the entire school about lottie being schizophrenic. but you were there for her throughout all of that; never caring about her diagnosis or thinking of her any differently. she was always your lottie. but now she wasn’t your anything.

lottie starts to tear up, and natalie’s eyes widen at the sight of the broken-hearted girl. “she dumped me.” lottie admits in a frail tone, a tone natalie has never heard from the raven haired girl. “shit… seriously? what happened?” natalie asks, and lottie proceeds to tell her best friend everything. she tells her all about how she began neglecting you at the begin of the year, and you being you, always let it slide. yet as she became more and more emotionally and physically unavailable, she began leaving you alone.

she tells natalie about how these last few weeks she was a total nightmare. she even forgot to text you some days. natalie looks shocked at this revelation; you two always seemed like such a great couple. you hadn’t even let anyone know there was trouble in paradise. the bell rings, and natalie clasps lottie’s wrists and begins to lead her towards the schools exit. natalie knew the last thing her friend needed was to be surrounded by a bunch of annoying students in class.

as soon as they get to the bottom of the bleachers, natalie flashes her a stern look.

“alright matthews, you screwed up, but i’m gonna help you fix it.” lottie looks shocked at natalie’s declaration, and she shakes her head. “why? why do you wanna help me?” she questions, and natalie shrugs. “you’re my best friend. plus y/n is a good person who actually gives a shit about you. you’re never gonna forgive yourself if you don’t fix it.” natalie’s voice is stern, and lottie nods in agreement.

“what should i do?” the yellowjackets sweeper asks uncertainly, and natalie offers her a mischievous smirk. “i have an idea that could work.” natalie admits, as she begins to give lottie a list of ways she could romance you. lottie listens, clearly very interested.

that weekend is the hardest. lottie has never gone longer than a day without hearing your beautiful voice. you two never really fought throughout your relationship; you learned pretty early into your friendship with lottie that her home life was mean and harsh enough. you never dared add any hurt to her life. when lottie was upset she quickly realized she could talk to you about anything; you were so easy to open up to, and no matter what you were doing you always made time for her.

the entire weekend lottie feels like trash. she realizes that she doesn’t even know how you’re doing. you two barely broke up, yet it feels like she hasn’t truly talked to you for months. god, maybe she was a terrible girlfriend. she put soccer before you, and now she doesn’t even feel like going to practice. though she knows she has to. she has an obligation to her friends and team… but she can’t help but feel like she let you down, and you didn’t know it but you were one of the most important people in her life.

now she fears that if none of natalie’s ideas work, she’ll lose you for sure. she’s tried to text you nearly every day since the breakup on friday, but you refuse to answer any of her texts. she even tried calling you on saturday night, but you didn’t pick up. when monday rolls around lottie comes to school with a huge bouquet of sunflowers and red roses. your two favorites. she hasn’t felt this nervous since she first asked you to be her girlfriend, except right now she knew you didn’t want to talk to her or even see her.

everyone looks at the raven haired girl as soon as she walks into school. surely everyone knows about your breakup by now, because mari is your best friend and she also seems to have the biggest mouth. not to mention she had been glaring at lottie all throughout practice on friday evening. she could tell you told mari everything and by the looks she was receiving she could tell everyone else knew now too.

as soon as she sees you standing by your locker talking to mari and akilah, mari’s eyes zero in on the tall raven haired girl making her way up to you. your best friend taps on you, and nods in lottie’s direction. you turn your head, and instead of your eyes lighting up at the sight of her and the bouquet, your large orbs fill with dread. her step falters a bit but she keeps her head high as she approaches you. “y/n… these are for you. i’m really sorry.” lottie’s voice is small, and you shake your head.

“they’re beautiful, but they aren’t going to fix anything.” you deadpan and lottie frowns. “i know that. but i thought maybe they could be the first step to fixing things?” she suggests and you glance at akilah and mari. you reach for lottie’s free hand and lead her to a secluded spot in the hall. “why are you doing this here? in front of everyone?” you ask her with supplicating eyes, and she knits her brows together. “because you won’t return my calls, and i haven’t stopped thinking about you. y/n, if you’d hear me out, i know i could fix this.” she pleads with you, and those eyes nearly make you cave.

you quickly remind yourself how you both ended up here, causing you to shut your eyes and take a breath. when you open them, lottie has a hopeful expression etched onto her features. “i gave you plenty of chances to fix it when we were together. for the last two months i’ve given you nothing but chances. you told me time and time again that soccer was your priority, and i respect that. so please respect my decision and leave me alone.” you whisper the last part a bit harshly as you turn around and storm away.

lottie stands there, heartbroken and ashamed. she looks at the flowers that seem to be taunting her. she crushes the stems in her hand as she approaches the nearest trash bin, tossing them in. so much for flowers and a heartfelt apology. lottie feels like a fool for even trying.

a week goes by and lottie is practically a walking zombie. she’s barely been eating or sleeping. she was so used to falling asleep on facetime with you, or falling asleep texting you… now she can barely get a wink of sleep. all she can think about is how mean to you she was the day before you two broke up. god, she can’t get that sad, puppy dog expression you flashed her out of her head.

“come on, lottie! where’s your head at!?” tai snaps in the middle of a scrimmage. lottie had been paying less attention to anything that didn’t have to do with you these days. it’s ironic, it took her losing you to realize what she had. her notes for her classes were empty lately, her parents didn’t even notice she was barely saying a word at home, and practice was the worst. lottie was so used to seeing you in the bleachers during most of her practices; you’d be watching her with this big smile on your face, or doing homework. you always looked so pretty. now you weren’t there and lottie never realized how happy seeing you sitting on those bleachers made her. how important she felt that you spent time watching her practice because you didn’t want to be away from her.

lottie doesn’t get her head in the game even after being yelled at by tai. in the locker room, its worse. “what the hell, lottie?? we’re this close to winning nationals and you choose now to start slacking??” tai asks harshly, natalie steps in before lottie can respond. “hey, leave her alone she’s had a shitty week.” natalie states sternly and tai rolls her eyes. “so have all of us! newsflash, the world doesn’t stop because lottie matthews is going through a breakup. we’re a team, meaning you need to get your mind together and focus on the game.” tai’s voice is angry and demanding.

lottie feels a surge of rage wash over her. “not everything is about soccer!” she snaps back loudly, taking the curly haired girl and most of the girls by surprise. “god, you’re all so worked up over this fucking game next week that we’ve all been nightmares! jackie, you and shauna have been at each offers throats for weeks, tai you’ve barely talked to van about anything other than nationals, laura lee has been praying to god for nothing but us winning, mar’s been a bigger cunt than usual, natalie is stress drinking again, and my girlfriend dumped me because i was ignoring her for months! for a sport i used to have fun playing, with a team who used to actually give a shit about each other!” lottie lets it all pour out like a leaky faucet, and everyone stands there dumbfounded by the outburst.

“lottie—“ tai starts but lottie slams her locker shut. “fuck this.” she hisses as she swings her nike duffle bag over her shoulder and storms out of the locker room. she doesn’t even bother changing out of her uniform. lottie’s blood is boiling and her teeth are gritting all the way to her car. she feels as though in a week her entire life has spiraled downhill. she’s been downhill more times than she can count, but she’s never been there without you. this sucks.

she seems to be so upset that she doesn’t even realize she’s driving in the direction of your house. she feels so lost, and it seems she ended up where she feels the safest. with you. lottie aimlessly approaches your door; she’s still in her soccer uniform and her hair is in loose pigtails. the way you always said made her look undeniably cute. she knocks on the door and looks down at her dirty cleats. she thinks about how unhappy you’re probably going to look to see her; she isn’t used to that. she hates it.

her eyes well up with tears and she sniffles, the door swings open before she can think to cover up the fact that she was crying. you had seen her through the peephole, putting on your best angry face before you answered the door. but as soon as you saw the broken girl in front of you, and you heard the sad little sniffle, your face softens immediately. “are you okay?” even though you know it’s a dumb question, you still ask because you don’t want to sound harsh. she doesn’t look like she needs anymore of that.

“i— i didn’t know where else to go.” she admits lowly, roughly wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. you give in quickly, stepping aside for her to come in. “what happened?” you ask her as she steps inside, taking her shoes off politely in a way that makes you smile. even in her sad state, she still remembers your mothers rules. “i got into a fight with tai… you were right, lately we’ve all been terrible. i’ve been terrible. to you especially. i’m really sorry, y/n.” she sounds sincere and sad, you can see her staring hopelessly at you; waiting for you to say something.

you press your lips together before letting out a sigh, turning your head away from her. “it’s okay. i understand. nationals are a lot of pressure, and i just think maybe right now it’s better if we’re just friends. i want a normal relationship, and i want my girlfriend to be as excited about prom as i am. i want to be able to go to the movies and have date nights without worrying about getting in the way of your schedule. i just think we want different things now.” you explain, trying to keep your voice light but she can hear the sadness laced through your tone clear as day.

lottie shakes her head rapidly, standing up and inching towards you. “i want those things too. i love our date nights, and you never get in the way of my schedule. i promise. i am excited about prom— at least i was… when i knew i was going with you.” lottie’s response is quiet and low, making you frown. “you never even asked me to prom, lot. it’s next month!” you point out and lottie flashes you those puppy eyes you could never resist when you were together. why does she have to be so cute?

“please go to prom with me.” she insists and before you can decline, and goes on. “i want to prove to you we still want the same things! if you still don’t want to be with me after prom… okay. i’ll respect your decision. but you have to let me try. please.” lottie sounds desperate, and she’s borderline begging. you let out sharp exhale, “fine. fine. i’ll go to prom with you, matthews. but i swear to god if you mess this up again, we’re done.” you warn her and she nods eagerly, reaching for your hands.

“i promise! i’m not gonna let you down this time!” she swears as she leans in and places a kiss on your cheek. “this times gonna be different.” she assures you, and you allow her to pull you in for a hug. you melt into her embrace, and you hesitantly wrap your arms around her. you can’t hope but help she’s telling you the truth this time. you suppose the only thing you can do is wait and see.

[darknessisafriend]

Arthur who?

Finally posting this short comforting piece about our Artie! enjoy everyone :)

Arthur comes back home, and he doesn’t feel good.

You were reading a book on the sofa, curled up under a blanket to warm you until Arthur would come back and let you snuggle against him, playing with your hair as he listened to your reading. Your attention was soon pulled away from your book as you recognized the familiar footsteps of Arthur on the wooden stairs. Although they sounded heavier, more tired than usual.

Your suspicions were revealed to be true when his steps stopped at the door, a silent pause which made you put your book aside and stand up, almost rushing to the door, had he forgotten his keys? Did something worse happen? You put your hand on the door handle, about to open when his voice stopped you in your movement.

“Knock, knock…” he said, his voice barely hearable from the other side.

“Who’s there?” you replied, ready to listen, feeling his upset, his sadness. Whatever happened outside, it seemed to have deeply affected him.

“Arthur Fleck...”

“Arthur Fleck who…?” you asked, the frown deepening on your face until realization hit you, Arthur had gone silent, not replying, this was his joke…he was the joke. Your eyes filled with tears, and you instantly opened the door, throwing your arms around him and hugging him as tight as you could. His arms remained limp on his sides, he swallowed down, his whole-body trembling in pain, distress, exhaustion. He let his head fall on your shoulder, burying it in the crook of your neck as you pulled him inside, closing the door to shelter him from the world.

You made him sit on the sofa while keeping your arms around him, you didn’t speak at first. Your left hand rubbing his back while the other caressed the back of his head soothingly.

“Why are you here? What makes you stay with a loser like me…” he muttered against your shoulder, his voice shaking as if his words could make you leave him.

“Arthur…what happened? You know you can talk to me.” You reassured him, kissing his temple tenderly, hating to hear he thought so low of himself. You felt a tear of his fall on your collarbone, he sniffled and chuckled at the same time.

“Someone recognized me on the streets today…they said…Hey Joker…when are you going to blow up the mayor? I said I don’t want to do that…they replied ‘you’re such a disappointment... go fuck yourself’…” he explained, each word was painful, he was struggling against his disability, struggling to breathe between giggles. And Arthur had believed that person. Arthur thought himself nothing, a fleck of dust bothering the world.

You pinched your lips together; you knew how much it weighed on him since he had managed to get out of Arkham. “You are Arthur Fleck. And you have no idea how much those two words mean to me.” You spoke, gently cupping his face to try to make him look at you in the eyes. “Arthur I won’t have the pretention of telling you who you are or who you should be. But what I am certain about is: how important you are to my eyes.” You smiled, a tear rolling down your cheek. You took a deep breath and opened your mouth, starting to sing, quietly, a song that reminded you of Arthur, when you met him the first time, how your world collapsed to create a new one, one with Artie.

“There was a boy…A very strange, enchanted boy…They say he wandered very far…Very far, Over land and sea…” you had always found Arthur strange, but as you liked to say, most interesting people are. He was even magical to your eyes, that boy who lived in his fantasies, strong imagination, passionate by music and dance, loving to make children smile, a romantic man gifting flower.

“A little shy…And sad of eye…But very wise was he...” people said he was in his world, a child man with a low IQ, those people obviously didn’t know him. He was an adult man, not afraid to regress to relax, to cry in front of a movie, to be vulnerable in front of others. He didn’t need anyone to infantilize him, he was more than aware of his situation, the problems he had, and all he had ever wanted was help to get through them.              

“And then one day…One magic day he passed my way…And while we spoke of many things…Fools and kings…This he said to me…The greatest thing...You'll ever learn…Is just to love…And be loved in return…” you sang a last time; this time he lifted his eyes to meet yours, his brows furrowing into a feeling of fondness, he loved when you sang, and that song from one of his favorite singers took a meaning it never had before. He let out a soft natural laugh.

“Am I that boy? Really?” he asked shyly, flattered, his hands finding yours, entwinning your fingers with his.

“To me you are Arthur. You are not a symbol, or a myth. You are my lover, and with that chance of being so close to you, I got to know you, I love who you are. No need to define it further than that.” You smiled, bringing your entwinned fingers to your lips and kissing his knuckles.

“Right…I am who I am, I know who I am, you see who I am…and that’s enough.” He replied softly, a smile settling on his lips, his eyes shining as he looked at you devotedly. He didn’t have to care about what others said he was, nor did they have the right to judge him because he wasn’t what they wanted him to be.

Tag list: @skaravile @lyoongx @weirdflecksbutok @charlie-sisters @stardancerluv @sgtsavoytruffle @ohcarlesmycarles @rajacero @niniitah-ah @morrisonmercurryphoenix @fly-like-a-phoenix @thatdummy-girl​r @galos-writing @pstvchld @chiclunatic @call-me-harley-quinn @cigznvalentines @help-i-am-obssessed @arthurfleckjoker2019 @theartistdetective @jaylovesbats @niniitah-ah @soulsdontbreaktheybeeend @fleckcmscott @obssessedandthirsty @weirdflecksbutok @ajokeformurray

[astarionancuntnin]

Bad Blood (Chapter 2)

summary: astarion was cast out by the sorceress following his confession. he wants to blame her, he really does, but deep down he can only blame himself for the course of actions that led him there.

rating: M

word count: 3.7k

pairing: astarion x tav (previously femtav!reader, sorcerer!tav)

cw: angst, astarion POV, near death experience, alternate Araj scene, reunion. full list on ao3

a/n: remember bad blood? this is her now, feel old yet? (aka woops i let this one sit for months)

guilty

chapter song inspo: bad blood (see what i did there) by boywithuke and 11 minutes by halsey

previous chapter - read on ao3 - next chapter (soon, i swear)

my masterlist

or keep reading down below~

Toxic apathy

You're way too good for me

You're better off all by yourself

Stoned, cold, losing sleep

You're way too cool for me

You're probably with somebody else

It's bad, bad blood

-

Gone?!

“Are you completely out of your mind?!” Astarion shouted. “Do you have any idea what is out there?” “I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” she sneered. “You seem to have a knack for plans — why don’t you craft something out now?”

He stared at her in disbelief, his previous anguish turned to outrage in a matter of seconds. Leaving now after everything he had done for her, everything they had gone through—

“I won’t repeat myself, Astarion,” she continued, breaking his train of thoughts. “You either leave, or I’ll make you.”

He scoffed, “Come off it now, darling. I hardly believe that you could get on your feet with your injuries, let alone cast whatever spell you have in mind that would rid you of my presence.”

He spoke as if he could change her mind, as if his masquerade of charms had any powers left over her, but deep down he knew he had no choice; he could either leave of his own volition now, or she would make him leave in a more brutal way. Even injured, he could see the bright halo of sorcery around her wrists, threatening to destroy her feeble bandages. Not something he was interested in seeing unfold — not if he were on the receiving end of it.

“Fine,” he said, before she could do anything she would regret, with his tone cold and detached. “If this is how you choose to see this, then so be it. Our relationship was nothing but another transaction — you are welcome for my services, and I hope the next time you blow yourself up, it takes you out.”

He spat the last word out with as much venom as he could muster, noticing the magic around her fists dimming as he turned around and left the tent in a furious haste, leaving her alone with her thoughts. 

Leaving was simply the best outcome for him. He had spent the night ruminating, his mind rushing with everything he wished he had said, and everything he regretted saying. Nothing had worked out, it was a bloody mess, and it was all…

Her fault. 

Her fault for acting out irrationally and not hearing him out when he needed it the most, her fault for being careless and almost dying by her own hand. Her own damn fault for not seeing that she needed him as much as he needed—

No. He didn’t need anyone. Not now, not before, not ever. It would do him no good to try and talk his way out of this mess now, either way — whether or not he wanted to, the sorceress wasn’t going to let him stay anywhere near her.

As he packed his things — grumbling and cursing her out under his breath all along — and set off on his own, watching the first lights of the morning sun peaking across the horizon, he barely spared a thought to his fellow companions; the same ones he couldn’t bring himself to give proper goodbyes. Deep down, ke knew he wasn’t wanted by anyone here — aside maybe from the godsdamned dog who whined as Astarion pet him and walked away — so it wouldn’t do anyone any good to lament on his fate and watch their crocodile tears as they pretended to be sad from his departure. He knew damn well someone, at least, would be glad.

It didn't matter, Tav or not — group or not — he needed to clear his head or he wouldn’t survive a minute on his own. Glooming over this situation wouldn’t fix it, and as much as he hated her for saying it, she was right; all he could do now was find a new plan. 

Going back was not an option — that much was clear — unless he had a death wish. 

This was for the best, he thought. After all, what good would it be for him to stick around, now of all time? Plus, this whole thing had been a chore since the beginning, something he forced on himself, once again. Maybe this was freedom at long last.

Now, he was on his own, again. Truly and utterly alone. As the dread started to set  into his mind, he shook his head, seizing himself back with an artificial confidence, one that accompanied him like a devil on his shoulder. 

No more pretending to care for any of them, no more sharing space with the beast whom he used to give his rations to — obviously only to cover up his real self, it's not like he cared for it, even after Scratch caught the bad habit to sleep next to his tent — no more witty banter with the wizard or the sorceress as they debated which one of them was the most powerful, no more so-called security from a group of weirdos who attracted all kinds of dangers more than anyone else in the realms, no more annoying laughs disturbing the peace around the campfire, no more…

Gods… what had he done? What was he doing, and what absolute foolery pushed him to say the things he had said? Out here, he was vulnerable again, weak, and without the artefact near, who knew how long he could make it before turning into one of those monstrosities? He could only hope they were near enough, if only to keep the effect of the artefact working on him. At best he could follow them around from the shadows, but what good would that do? No, that would only put a bigger target on his back.

To the Hells with them, I don't need them, he thought.

I don’t need her. 

I don’t need anyone.

I'll go to Baldur's Gate and face Cazador on my own.

He kept repeating this mantra to himself over and over again while he made his way through the Shadowlands, and as the words echoed in his head, he realised just how wrong they were. 

His false bravado might’ve worked once upon a time, before tadpoles, absolutes, and companionship, but now, the lies he tried to tell himself fell on deaf pointy ears, only getting him so far. 

In truth, he could never face Cazador alone. It was obvious, trying it now would only assure him a slow and painful death. Hells, he barely managed to hold his own among their group, often getting saved in extremis, whether it be a healing spell from Shadowheart or a close kill from Karlach, or even a destructive spell from Tav. 

Just as he thought about her, his eyes fell upon the carnage they had experienced at the Last Light Inn. How he felt when he thought she was dead, the suffocating fear of losing her, how he would've given everything he didn't have to have her back, only to ultimately lose her for what he had done.

No, he shook his head. I can’t go back. I can’t…

The walk to Baldur’s Gate promised to be lengthy, giving him plenty of time to think about a new plan, but his thoughts became conflicting; on one hand he was well aware of the impossibility of going back, but on the other, he refused to let it be the end, not after getting so far together, not after falling for her, whether or not it was part of the plan, and fuck this plan for putting him in that situation in the first place. 

But then… How could he show her that he cared? What could he possibly do to make her forgive him if she was the one who had cast him out in the first place? Chances are she’d cast a fireball at him the very moment her eyes laid on him again, no matter the risk it could impose on her — that much was made clear last night. As much as he wanted to fix this, he couldn’t put her life, and even less his, on the line so carelessly.

No matter what he would end up doing, the answers didn’t lay in the remains of this inn. Maybe, just maybe, travelling alone would allow him easier travels to Baldur’s Gate, where he could find something — anything — to fix this. 

Perhaps he could get her to see his side of it — truly, if she just understood better why he had manipulated her in the way he did, things wouldn’t have escalated that far. They wouldn’t have to stay apart, and she could forgive him for whatever tricks he had played on her, and they might even laugh about it! Ha! 

Really, when he took a step back from it all, this situation wasn’t as bad as it looked; only their first encounter truly had been intentional manipulation, the rest just came ever so naturally. Did it really count as a trick tactic if he had fallen for her as well? That part for certain wasn’t intentional, and if he could’ve, he would’ve avoided it. Wouldn’t have been in this mess otherwise, or it would be far less messy, probably. 

Maybe. Gods, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

If there was anything he was certain of, it was that if she met Cazador she would understand him instantly. She would probably kill him herself, which he would be curious to see how that would go down but also disappointed if he didn’t get to kill the bastard himself. Not a concern for now, he’s still far from within his Master’s reach, but he couldn’t help but let his mind wander. After seeing what kind of monster Astarion was subjected to for the last two centuries, she would surely empathise — or he liked to believe so.

Oh, wishful thinking.

Wait. That’s it! Make it so she meets Cazador, then they can kill him, and she can forgive him for tricking her. She had been so caring in the past, with further proof of his horrible past, she should forgive him. She had to—

Or at least, she would if he could reach the damned city in the first place, which wouldn't be possible with the troop of heavily guarded githyanki guarding its gate. Bloody Hells. Sneaky bastards hiding in the shadows, waiting to ambush the first sorry soul that would cross their path. Not Astarion, though, so here goes option A.

As he walked back to where he came from, Astarion realised it wouldn’t be an option either, as shadows and lost Harpers that had been claimed by the darkness roamed the lands he had previously crossed, putting him between a rock and a hard place. 

The choices were now either definitely die at the hand of ruthless, bloodthirsty giths who would decapitate him for having a tadpole, or potentially die against cursed soldiers he had faced before. The choice seemed obvious.

He opted for the silent approach, sneaking back on the trail he came from and taking out two undead soldiers before getting noticed by a third one who rang the alarm.

Potential death it is.

The first soldiers that threw themselves at him had been easy pickings; they were undead, after all. Well, not the smart kind. Not a single thought behind those lifeless eyes of theirs, as if something else was controlling them. Nothing but puppets to their master, now. 

The real trouble started when the shadows appeared closer and seemed to multiply as they surrounded Astarion. It wasn't long before he got overwhelmed by their numbers and let his concentration falter.

All it took was one shadow’s Firebolt, who he completely overlooked, hitting him in the back to render him incapacitated, making him wince in pain and his vision flash. This distraction was enough for an undead soldier to plunge its knife into his side and drive him on his knees, putting him out for the count.

This single fight had proven to him just how weak he really was on his own. It had barely been a few hours after his banishment, and upon his first encounter he had already failed, with no one this time around to cover for him or raise him back on his feet. No one aside from the overwhelming amount of enemies closing in on him. How he had believed he could make it to Baldur’s Gate alone is beyond him.

Surrounded, and yet, he had never felt more alone.

As his body landed over the corrupted ground, his ears rang and his surroundings began blending together, the sounds of the on-going fight fading in the back of his mind. Screams from all around led on, as if the fight continued long after he fell against the floor of this courtyard, but he couldn’t make out who was fighting whom at this point, only having a few moments of consciousness before feeling himself succumb to his wounds.

—

Death was oddly peaceful. After centuries without a semblance of rest, with his nights plagued by horrid memories — or even nightmares at times when his body and mind were too exhausted by the abuse — this was a welcome respite. 

Darkness beyond horizons, a cool feeling enveloping him like a cocoon, and true solitude. It almost felt nice. In a world where everyone else had abandoned him, the darkness felt like an old friend coming to take him away. 

“Oi, wake up!”

A harsh woman’s voice snapped him back into consciousness, roughly breaking his quiet world of emptiness and clearing out of the way the possibility of his death.

Of fucking course it couldn’t have been that easy. When had anything in his life been simple?

He groaned as his eyes opened, the bright light from a nearby fire lamp blinding him as he tried to take in his surroundings.

A plain old cell, by the looks of it. Larger than what he's used to, and much warmer than his standard under Cazador. Although, it was nothing like where he remembered passing out; how it had gotten here in the first place was a mystery he would need to uncover.

He managed to get on his feet with a hiss, clenching at his side to hold onto where he remembered getting hit, and although a sting remained, the wound was nowhere to be seen.

“You’re lucky we found you when we did.” He finally looked up to notice the guard sizing him up. “Those shadows would’ve claimed you if our patrol didn’t stumble on your fight.” She huffed, “The Absolute works in mysterious ways, but I won’t question where she guides us.”

“Right, our mighty Absolute,” he sighed, “what about her now?”

“You’re a True Soul, are you not?” She inquired.

“Well I— argh!”

Before Astarion could give his answer, he felt the reach of the guard standing on the other side of the gate from him, her own tadpole searching for his, lodged way back in his mind.

“I sense her power within you.” She says, breaking the connection between them. “Yes, you have been blessed by her indeed.” “Great!” He groaned, rubbing his temples. “Now that we’re all friends, I’m sure you'll agree that the Absolute would want me out of this cell, wouldn’t she?” The guard chuckled, “You’ll get out once our blood expert has examined you. She has a particular affinity for people of your kind.” “My kind?” He asked with a higher pitch in his tone. “As in absolutely dashing? Drop dead gorgeous, maybe?” “Ah! A vampire!” 

Another voice echoed in the larger rooms of the dungeons, this one coming from a drow woman who was just approaching his cell. The sound of her voice was quickly followed by an horrid smell assaulting Astarion’s senses.

“Why yes, that would be correct,” he said, trying to cover up his disgust from the smell, “what about it?”

“Do you have a name, spawn?”

So much for introductions. 

“Astarion,” he answered with a light scoff. “Who’s asking?”

“My name is Araj Oblodra, trader in blood and the sanguine arts.”

Oh, that was bound to be interesting, “And to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I’m in need of your services. You see, ever since I was a little girl, I've dreamed of being bit.”

“Wait—” he blurted out loud. “You want to be bitten?”

“To feel your life’s blood slipping away? To dance on the edge between life and death? Yes, I want it.”

And here I thought our group was weird.

“And why would I do that?”

She chuckled, “Do you truly believe you have a choice here?”

Choice or not, there was no way in the seven Hells that he would get anywhere near her, but he had to find a way out, and that might as well be it.

“Well, I’m simply not sure my Master would agree with this being the best usage of my talents, is all.”

Araj sighed heavily, “Well your Master isn’t around to get a say in this, so that leaves you with one option only. It’s simple — if you do, I’ll free you. I’m not asking for much, just a simple transaction.” She eyed him up with a salacious look. “It's either this, or we keep you for further… examinations. So, what will it be, spawn?

Gods, he did not want to stick around to find out what kind of twisted ideas she had for him, and he was thirsty. 

It would’ve been a nice meal, if her blood didn't absolutely reek. He could smell her corruption from where he stood, and he was suddenly glad for the gate keeping them apart. Unfortunately, that gate didn't protect his senses from her stench, and he wasn’t desperate enough yet to dive in for just about any neck. With a smirk, he bowed and delivered his answer.

“I… will have to decline.”

Before she could retort anything at all, a voice rang not too far away and Astarion’s head snapped to the side, finding the source of it.

“Fangs?”

His heart clenched at the sight of the friendly, fiery tiefling he recognized — with only her eyes wearing a shade of sadness in them, one he rarely noticed in her. They only partially glinted as she paused to look up to him with a newfound hope, as her companions stepped closer. 

“You know the spawn?” Araj asked the group.

“He’s with us.”

Karlach and Lae’zel stepped aside to let the source of the voice appear and a wave of emotions struck Astarion all at once, forcing him to take one step back. 

Shadowheart stepped forward, reaching out to their leader, “Tav, are you sure—”

“It’s okay,” she reassured her friend with a faint nod of her head, one that the cleric reciprocated, and a soft voice, all the opposite from the one she used to announce herself. The sorceress stood tall against Araj, and only allowed herself a quick glance at Astarion to acknowledge him. 

She looked… rough. He could spy the bits of bandages peeking from underneath her robe, her wounds from the explosion still healing, with a burn noticeable just on the side of her face and tired, dark eyes that hinted at her lack of sleep. Just a few seconds peering into her eyes was all he needed to notice the guilt and sadness she carried with her, before she turned her gaze back onto the Drow woman as she spoke up. 

“Ah, so he’s yours then, marvellous.” Araj clapped her hands together gleefully. “Would you mind asking your spawn to bite me? I have something to offer in return, of course, it wouldn’t be fair of me to ask otherwise.”

With those same lifeless eyes, she looked up to the pretentious Drow, unimpressed.

“I’m listening,” she crossed her arms across her chest. 

“I have in my possession a powerful potion that will permanently increase your strength, should you drink it. It’s not for sale, but it’s yours if he bites me.”

She hums, “That does sound tempting, doesn’t it, Astarion?” She looked in his direction, awaiting his reaction. 

“Oh, believe me darling, I would,” he answered, without skipping a beat. “That is, if her blood didn’t absolutely stink up the place. It’s foul, really.”

“You can smell her blood?”

He scoffed, “Can’t you? Gods, it’s rank.”

“Are you really asking for his opinion? This lowly spawn?” Araj asked, interrupting them, “He’s under your ownership, he answers to you.”

Her gaze lingered on him, her frown softening, “He’s his own person, he can decide for himself.”

Astarion’s brows lifted in response.

“Oh I’m sure he believes that!” Araj laughed. “How utterly adorable.”

“Yes,” Tav continued, snapping her gaze back to Araj. “So you should ask him.”

Araj’s laugh halted to a stop, briefly looking over Astarion before glancing back to Tav, “Well I did but—”

“And what answer did he give you?”

Everyone’s eyes turned to Astarion, awaiting his answer next to a frustrated Araj who turned back to him with a sneer.

His eyes remained on Tav, and he hoped his face didn’t betray the mixed emotions he felt towards her in that very moment. He turned his attention back to Araj, his expression seamlessly blending back into his pompous self.

He shrugged, “It’s still a no, I’m afraid.”

Tav turned her head back to Araj, with a slight smirk, “Then you have your answer.”

The Drow grunted, “Can’t you talk some sense into your obstinate charge?!”

Tav frowned, dropping her smile, “He said no.”

“Fine.” Araj sighed. “How very disappointing.” She turned to the guard, still next to Astarion’s cell, “Release the spawn to the True Soul — he’s her property.”

Following her orders, the guard unlocked the gate from his cell, allowing Astarion out. Araj and the guard let them be, begrudgingly walking away from the group with one last side glance before stepping out of the dungeons. 

Once they were gone, Tav let go of a heavy breath, dropping her shoulders and turning on her heels, rallying her companions, “We’re done here, let’s go.” 

Karlach, Lae’zel, and Shadowheart followed, leaving Astarion standing still at the entrance of his cell. The sorceress turned when she noticed his absence near them and stopped in her tracks when she saw him unmoving. “Well? What are you waiting for? An invitation?”

Her voice was tired, and those sarcastic comments that Astarion was so used to didn’t strike the same with the weight they now carried. Her words struck something within him; a memory of an explosion, her corpse resting in his arms, a cleric without healing powers, and him powerless in the middle of it all.

He gulped, trying to wash away the feelings he couldn’t find the will to process, and slipped back into his haughty self as he spoke up to break the silence.

“To go where exactly, Master?”

“Camp,” she said. “You’re coming back with us.”

-

Call me stupid, call me sad, You're the best I've ever had, You're the worst I've ever had, And that keeps fuckin' with my head. You're 11 minutes away and I have missed you all day, So why aren't you here?

Thank you for reading! Comments, reblogs, and likes are very much appreciated <3

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