#leave it to me to go on random tangents only i care about in the tags of these posts

[stinkrascal]

hi! Just wanted to say I’ve been following you for a few years now and I’m always happy to see your straud stuff show up on my dash, especially after a while of not being online. Your sims are gorgeous and the time you put into your story is insane so thanks for sharing with all of us!! Also you singlehandedly made me like vlad so now I have to make him hot in every save lmao

hiiiii this is really so kind, thank you so much ;-; im sorry i didnt answer for a few days tbh i kept this in my ask box so i could read it a bunch. ive been feeling really insecure abt my story lately, so your reassurance is really really appreciated during times like these. the fact u take time out of your day to read what i have written makes me very happy, like u couldve done anything but u decided to engage w something i wrote?? crazy! love u anon. thanks again for reaching out, you made my week. happy thinkin about fuckin that middle aged man sunday

[spncvr]

HIII I kinda suck at writing so maybe you could take my idea and use your amazing writing skills and make something of it? (Only if you want ofc!!) hear me out yk how Spencer rambles about random facts and everything at the bau imagine if he had a partner (was a profiler as well) and that knew a lot about musics or movies and would ramble about it to him?

Ignore this if it sounds stupid 😭

rambles | s. reid

summary: you talk a lot, spencer doesn't mind.

pairing: spencer reid x reader

warnings: okay so idk if this counts as gn!reader?? but reader wears a dress lol. drinking, and again my terrible english,, lmk if i missed anything!

a/n: hey beautiful!! this deffo does not sound stupid i had fun writing it but this is so bad im sorry i didn't do u justice *crying emoji* also im so sorry this took me forever to finish LMAOOO

masterlist

YOU CAN FEEL it.

In your spine, in your ears. The song’s quiet but it had you in its grip, tight and firm—music’s always been like that to you. It didn’t matter if it was Hendrix, Queen or even Chopin; it has always been the one thing to make you stop dead at your feet. It’s a feeling you can’t quite put your finger on. There wasn’t a word in the English language that could possibly describe how it made you feel. Perhaps, you think humorously, you ought to learn another language, or two. 

You’re wearing this dress. This sweet, white silk thing that sweeps against your knees each time you take a step. The taste of expensive wine sits against your lips, lingering. The glass rests idly around your hand and your grip is careful. Expensive red wine and a cheap dress don't usually mix well together. 

“You okay?” 

You smile, teeth and all. Spencer who’s found his place next to you, furrows his eyebrows worry painted against his soft features. He looks tired. But he’s here, with the rest of the team; he always is.

“Fine,” you say, blasé. “You, Dr. Reid?”

His eyebrows raise slightly, “Yeah, fine.” then, “nice dress.” It’s a small whisper. 

You brush your tongue against the wine on your lips. The comment catches you off guard—especially when he’s dressed like this and looks at you like that. So, all that leaves your wine-stained lips is a small: “Oh.” then, because you remember your manners you say, “Thank you.”

The song changes, and Spencer smiles, “The songs—” he says “they’re nice.”

“I—” You stop yourself from rambling because really, they’re more than nice. It’s Elle Fitzgerald. She’s—Her voice, her instrument is clear as a bell, with diction that’s almost impossible to misunderstand. Her rhythm is— well it’s, you can set her as the metronome for her own band. Which, well, isn’t exactly easy to do. The way she’s able to scoop and bend her pitches with such precision is, beyond, nice. So the song, really it’s, more than nice, it’s a masterpiece it’s—

“Uh, yeah, s’nice.” you pause, “More than nice, really.”

Spencer smiles, amused, “More than nice?” he echoes.

You clear your throat, “It— yeah. I mean, it’s Fitzgerald, you know…”

“I don’t know,” he says simply.

Figures, you think. “No, yeah. She’s, like, got this tone in her voice, you know? And it’s like she’s the one leading the band— with the rhythm, I mean. As in like, instead of the drummer, which isn’t exactly easy to do. You know, actually, some people say she — she’s got the voice of an angel. Or something along the lines; can’t really remember and—” you pause, slightly embarrassed at how much you’ve been talking.

“Er, sorry,” you mumble sheepishly. The edge of your shoes had suddenly become increasingly interesting. “didn’t mean to go on a tangent.”

Spencer kisses his teeth, and you look up to find him grinning. “No, uh,” he scratches the edge of his eyebrow. “You don’t need to apologize for talking about something you like.” He seems to think about his next words as he brushes his hand against your arm. It sends a shiver that lingers longer than the touch itself. Spencer Reid could be so cruel sometimes. 

“I love listening to you talk.”

Your dress ends up wine-stained, anyway.

as usual my inbox is always open for requests (or just to talk lol) but it will take 192374 years to actually finish it,, reblogs are soo appreciated !! (u guys r always so kind idk why im asking for them) so is feedback btw!! (despretely in need of some)

[sunshine-for-serotonin]

My lord i would give you my firstborn for more Erik content, hes literally my babygirl.

Hello my darling!! I decided to do some cuddling headcannons for you as well as some random tidbit headcannons!!! {it’s extremely unorganized} this can be read as any Erik of your choosing, but some specific phantoms are mentioned once or twice!

I’m not super proud of this, but I felt like I had to feed you guys something.

I am not officially back to my full tumblr writing, but I am hoping to make a steady return! Also, I made a Lerik bot on Character.ai if you guys want me to un-private it and post the link. :)

When you cuddle with Erik, no matter which version, you basically have to plan on taking the first or second half of the day off.

He’s very touch starved, so he doesn’t like letting you go unless he absolutely has to, and even then Erik will probably throw a fit of some kind, too desperate for your touch to even think about how it may affect the rest of his opera house.

He’s not ashamed about voicing his need for you either; if you try to leave, he will drop down to his knees and blubber like a child, begging for you to stay and love on him. If it’s a specific person that is causing you to leave, Erik will threaten to kill them! It doesn’t matter if it is the managers, Meg and Madam Giry, or even Christine (should she stay there after the whole final lair scene and the phantoms activities die down)! It doesn’t matter! They don’t matter! The only thing that matters is you and your love! Erik needs you, (Y/N)! He needs you to love him until he can’t think! For you to cuddle him and kiss him like he’s your beloved pet!

Concerning you being friends with Christine, Erik absolutely despises it! She had already abandoned him for the Vicomte, she can’t take you away from him too! She mustn’t! No, if Christine even tried to advise you away from him, he would make sure she wishes she never approached you!

Please, if he starts on one of his tangents about you leaving him for someone else, make love to him and tell him what a good boy he is. It’s a sure fire way to calm him down, and Erik, even though he is likely significantly older than you, loves being coddled and reassured that you won’t leave him.

you will find that almost all versions of Erik prefer to be held rather than just hold you, with the exception of Cherik. It’s not because they’re selfish! It’s because Erik needs you to hold him in order for things to feel okay, and it feels good that you would hold him of your own free will and kindness. If he was the one completely holding you, he would be worried you didn’t actually want to be close to him!

To expand on that a little more, Cherik is the only phantom that prefers to be the big spoon. All the others want you to press against them from behind and wrap your arms around their waist, pressing kisses into the sensitive skin of their neck. {as mentioned in one of my previous posts, Kerik is a horny bastard and will probably start getting hard if you’re not careful.}

Get them to lay on top of you.

Do it. Well… do it if you can handle them crying from emotional release, anyway.

Laying on top of you will give Erik the feeling of maternal care and nurturing he never received as a child, and it’s bound to make him cry from the sheer love he feels for you and the feeling of love you’re giving him, and even then the abandonment issues and childhood trauma just overflows from him like a fountain of sadness.

For versions of Erik where his deformities are a little more open and wet, like Meriks, you’ll have to reassure him that you don’t mind touching it. That the feeling of his open flesh against your skin doesn’t bother you, and that you’d love to cuddle him regardless.

Phantoms with deformities like Meriks are almost always between a rock and a hard place when it comes to cuddling you because on one hand, they’re worried about you seeing their deformities up close and so they’ll want to lay their bad side on your chest so you can’t see it as well. On the other hand, they’re paranoid about you finding the feeling of their deformities gross against your skin and making you uncomfortable.

It’s a lot to unpack when you cuddle Erik, or even give him attention in general, but you will find that it is well worth the effort. Erik loves you and would burn down the entire world to make you smile, and yet he finds himself feeling he is unworthy of even mere scraps of your attention and love, but you always reassure him otherwise. :)

[wisteriagoesvroom]

helloooooo :)) sliding in with a generic marvel-esque vaguely criminal organization landoscar au with background lestappen because I am nothing if not predictable

Oscar is their resident poison specialist (he makes new poisons, tests them, makes antidotes, etc. for the organization to use). His preference is plant based poisons, like belladonna and nightshade, because he graduated college with a botany degree and therefore has a lot of knowledge about them that he can put for use. He spends most of his time in his greenhouse full of toxic, beautiful plants that he tends too very, very carefully. They’re his babies.

There’s a whole backstory involved with how he came to join the organization that involves him accidentally killing his college roommate

Lando is a former gymnast turned espionage guy who also does theft on the side for funsies that works for the organization. Like vaguely cat woman-y? Obviously he’s super flexible and super good at his job because duh.

His favorite hobby is breaking into Oscar’s greenhouse via the windows and watching him work. Oscar is super fascinating to him, and he’s enamored with how absolutely brilliant this quiet, stoic boy, with maybe five facial expressions total is.

Lando sits there and listens to Oscar ramble about his complex science things. He doesn’t understand most of it ngl, but he loves the way Oscar’s face lights up when he goes on a long tangent about the chemical properties of cyanide and why it’s superior to arsenic.

Also sometimes lando brings Oscar random pretty shiny things that he stole that he thinks Oscar might like and leaves them on his desk, kind of like a crow. Oscar keeps all of them in a box under his bed. He looks at them when he feels down (he doesn’t tell lando that)

Oscar is equally obsessed with lando but this is already wayyyyyy too long so 😭 you just gotta trust me on this one

And then eventually, the rest of the people in the organization pick up on the growing landoscar feelings situation. Alex and George give lando a bunch of (loving and caring) grief about it. A bet between them is born. “$50 lando is too chicken to confess to Oscar by the end of the month”

Yada yada time skip a week or so and lando and Oscar FINALLY do something about the tension between them one night late in Oscar’s greenhouse, lando freshly back from a mission. Boom they kiss and then lando, being the idiot that he is, as soon as they pull apart, goes “lol George and Alex owe me $50 now”

Cue misunderstanding trope. “Oh you only kissed me for a bet?? You don’t actually have feelings for me 😔 I knew it was too good to be true.”

Lando realizes his mistake but Oscar’s already out the door, disappeared into the night.

And then Oscar gets kidnapped by the enemy 🤗 because he’d normally be more aware and vigilant and stuff but his emotions are really going through it so. The ransom note comes through the next day.

Gonna leave it on that because otherwise I will spiral into a full blown fic when I already have too many wips to finish

I'M SO????? HOW DID U JUST RANDOMLY SLIDE IN HERE WITH THIS???? i am so obsessed with these details my god the POISON? CATMAN ESPIONAGEGYMNAST? christ. and then lando leaving him little gifts like a crow. OSCAR ACCIDENTALLY K-WORDING HIS ROOMMATE (and possible guilt)?? the classic misunderstanding thingy "but oscar gets kidnapped" leading to a climactic rescue oh oh oh this is the stuff of dreams.

idk what to do with myself exactly cus this is so gorgeous. anyway have a moodboard for your efforts cus like my goodness this was lovely to read.

[mogwaei]

I love how deeply Solas cares.

Even at his worst, he still believes that people should have free will and be taken care of. He says the waking world feels like being in a sea of tranquil, but he still leaves the party to help random refugees in the hinterlands. He approves whenever you take actions that help every day people. He can’t stand it when the vulnerable are taken advantage of. He despises the qunari belief system, yet he speaks fondly the woman in the fade who took small acts of rebellion and takes steps to ensure the qunari cannot expand their control. Even if he hates you, he still saves you in trespasser because the world deserves peace regardless of his actions.

He cares so much about people that he’s willing to restructure the very fabric of the world twice to try and make things better. He could stand to untangle his own guilt from his compassion and maybe, idk, talk to some people about less world-breaking ways to go about fixing things, but man if I don’t love just how deep that desire to see people live well goes. There’s a reason Cole likes him so much.

When I think about these exact things, it really hits me like a train. Putting thoughts under the cut 'cause they got a little long lol

This is an ancient being who has seen SO MUCH and yet still finds the time to be compassionate, and after who knows how many aeons, his sense of curiosity is also alive and well. How easy it would be for him to give into his grief and anger and become something worse than Corypheus. The fact that he still learns and corrects himself when you are a friend/lover does give me hope for his story.

AND. I have a feeling (I'm sure I'm not the only one lol) that there's more to his reasons behind refusing to let anyone get involved. I bet the situation really is That Bad and he's the only one who actually understands it, BUT, also his Blackwall Complex ('I must atone') has gotten too powerful + he has an overwhelming fear of betrayal if he did let us in on the plan. I know that's leaning more toward the tinfoil side of things, but *inhales* my point is is that I love how his strengths and his big heart also doubles back and become flaws.

He's so beautiful 😭

SORRY FOR THE TANGENT - I'm not as eloquent as I wish I was, you said it all perfectly!! Thank you for spending your precious time to write out such a lovely sentiment.

[Solas loving hours in my inbox, come tell me what you adore about him]

[ravenofazarath2]

I have some honestly, absolutely unhinged Thoughts™️ on Niko’s whole situation that I just have to share. This is gonna be full of assumptions, mental gymnastics, and logical fallacies, and by the end, you'll probably think I look like this

This post ended up way longer than I planned, and I'm not even sure if it makes ay sense, but just hang with me.

Why is Niko in Port Townsend?

I don’t know about anyone else (and this could be because I’ve never been to the PNW), but I feel like it’s kind of random that Niko’s mom would send her daughter to a boarding school in a small town two plane rides and a ferry ride away. Wouldn’t you want your daughter in a more populated, easier to get to place? I know there’s bigger towns and cities. Based on Niko’s love for fashion, the family seems to be fairly well off, so it doesn’t seem like a money issue.

There’s only two explanations I can think of:

Niko’s mother cares so little about her, she wanted her as far away as possible.

There’s a reason Niko’s mom chose Port Townsend.

Now, I get it. That first one is super depressing. We don’t want to think about it at all. Who could hate sweet, little Niko? Thankfully, I feel like this one can easily be disproven.

Source

If Niko’s mom wanted her as far away as possible, why has she sent Niko so many letters? She clearly wants to have a relationship, to communicate. It just doesn’t line up with wanting your daughter out of sight, out of mind.

So that leaves the second: There’s a reason Niko’s mom chose Port Townsend.

Of course, this reason could be offscreen, unknown, unimportant.

Unless...

Oh, look, a tangent!

Most of the fandom thinks the Principal has something to do with Niko, whether she’s her mother or Niko herself. Personally, I’m in the she’s her mother camp. This post has a very great explanation on it. Plus, I just don’t see this show going timey-wimey.

This would make Niko half-supernatural. (and before anyone asks: No, I do not have an explanation why Niko couldn't see the boys before her near-death experience since she's already supernatural)

Instead of exploring what this means for the story (for now), I want to explore the assumptions inferences we can make about Niko's father.

*Pulls out a few papers and push pins*

Did Niko's father know?

The Principal seems to be the head of the Lost & Found Department, a department that's currently stretched entirely too thin by the excess of death caused by overpopulation. That lady's overworked. And considering her job, it's very likely near impossible to also keep up a charade of being a normal human to the person you're married to. So he'd have to know.

Let's make a teensy tiny assumption that Niko's father is also a supernatural being.

Besides, how would a human and the eternal being in charge of collecting dead children have ever met?

*starts drawing connections with red string*

This may seem like an exquisite floor routine that would win an Olympic gold in mental gymnastics, but I can absolutely explain this.

Let's look at what Niko viewed as the most important advice her father ever gave her:

Source

On the surface, it's just innocent advice. After all, dandelions are symbol of resilience. And the dandelion sprites were just an accident. There's no way anyone could have known Niko would have been infected with them.

But if her father was a supernatural being, he likely would have known about dandelion sprites. He intentionally wanted to put Niko in danger if she needed a little bravery. How could a father, who we can only assume was a great one when looking at how much grief Niko feels over his new absence in her life, do this to his daughter?

Could the dandelion sprites be a part of it?

Source

If Niko's father knew that Niko would likely be jumped by dandelion sprites if she went traipsing around looking for courage, it isn't too far of a leap to see that the sprites might actually be in some way related to that courage.

We can actually get a bit of a glimpse of this connection when we look at Niko's death.

Source

I'll come back to the symbolism in just a bit.

After the shock not only the characters, but us viewers felt as well, Crystal, Edwin, and Charles discover that the sprites have left. Each one of us likely thought they just dipped out when we first saw this.

Of course, the last scene of the series shows us that's not true.

Source

One possible reason they go with her is because she was nice to them. “The good you do comes back around” and all. But the sprites are such assholes, it’s hard to believe they’d care about that (though I absolutely do).

Then perhaps it has to do with the way Niko died. She stepped in front of Esther’s magic to save Crystal. She sacrificed herself, gave up her life in exchange for her friend’s. Is there a more courageous way to die?

But how does the girl who’s so scared of death, she goes looking for courage in the first place into the girl who looks death in the face and says, “Take me instead.”? And what does that have to do with the sprites being there at the end?

Niko’s in need of some courage, so she goes looking for dandelions, like her father’s always told her to do, and she picks up the dandelion sprites. Because of course Niko was able to sweet talk her way through destiny or to Destiny? to end up with the exact people who can save her at the exact right time.

Niko, being Niko, decides to keep the sprites to teach them to be nice. Because they are mean. Their comments bite, they tear. They dig into her core. Tell her that she’s not a good friend, she deserves to be alone and abandoned, all because she’s scared. All because she’s not courageous.

But Niko knew better, deep down. So she did the most courageous thing she could think of. She died for someone she loved. She became courageous in order to prove the sprites wrong.

Because the sprites played a role in Niko’s arc to courage, (was that their purpose?) they’re now tied to her. Whether that’s willing or not is yet to be seen.

Back to Niko’s dad. If this is indeed the purpose of the dandelion sprites, then it’s likely her dad knew this and knew it would help Niko when she needed it most. We’re ignoring the fact that, if so, he set her up to be bullied for now

But what does this have to do with absolutely anything I’ve said?

*sprays paint on the wall*

Because it’s a clue to who Niko’s dad is, and I think we’ve met him.

Who do we know who’s an immortal being who has had different faces, says cryptic shit that leads to character arcs, shares so much kindness it comes around for his daughter’s friends, and would most definitely wear funny socks?

Source

Before you chain me up, let me finish.

It’s implied that there’s a lot of mystery surrounding Niko’s father’s death and afterlife. Her father being Kashi could explain this.

But why is Niko in Port Townsend?

Yes, I have finally come full circle. Niko is in Port Townsend because her father is Kashi. Obviously the Principal would know this. And maybe she knew he was just hanging out in Angie’s belly.

Perhaps the reason the Principal sent Niko to a remote small town that was difficult to get to is because she wanted her to be close to her father.

*takes a drag of a lit cigarette*

[shoechoe]

do you have any thoughts on diavolo and donatella's relationship, headcanons or otherwise? hard to say with so little in canon, but it must've been something pretty special if diavolo allowed himself to get close to her (as shortlived as it was...)

I absolutely do. I've talked about Donatella a bit in the past, so I'll link some relevant posts to this one here.

(x) (x)

But I do feel like I have more I can say, which I will put under a cut.

In some sense, I don't consider Donatella fully a character as much as I consider her a vector for the plot to get started. She doesn't have a single speaking line in the manga, she's dead before the story starts, and she's only brought up to elaborate on other characters- namely, Diavolo and Trish. Canonically, she has functionally no agency other than being a former partner to Diavolo and mother to Trish (both relationships we see as close to nothing of as Vento Aureo could possibly manage).

Donatella is, in my opinion, a combination of two common writing tendencies in Jojo: one, its tendency to throw in background female characters to have an unexplored relationship with a male character just so they can have a child, and two, the characterization of Diavolo in particular being full of "throwing in a bunch of things that imply something really interesting about him, but with a complete lack of elaboration that leaves the potential unexplored and intent vague" (as I've said before, that's a thing the series likes to do in general, but I think Diavolo has got it bad).

The most obvious implication with Donatella is the nature of Diavolo's past. As we see him in the series, Diavolo is aggressively paranoid of any and all connection with anybody else, including any knowledge about or contact with him. Him having a girlfriend briefly/one-night-stand(?) in the past suggests that he was once not this way, or maybe not as bad as he is in the present story. The knowledge of Donatella also comes with the knowledge that he used to have an alias he would use for interacting with people before he became the Boss and hid away from society entirely, which adds to this.

However, we already have things to suggest that he displayed odd and paranoid behavior even then; namely, him burying his mother under the floorboards at around the same time. To me, I always thought this suggested blood relations were something that always bothered him, though for what reason back then, I'm not sure. Still, this suggests he was never quite a normal person, making his brief relationship even more of an interesting behavior for him (with the implication that Doppio was the one fronting to the public most of the time, yet Diavolo being the one who had the relationship, making it even more peculiar).

We don't really know how long they dated for and we don't know exactly how Donatella felt about Diavolo after he abandoned her and left her with a child. Similarly, we also don't know how Diavolo felt about her; at most, we know his relationship with her is something that he regrets, and when he goes into tangents about how his past haunts him, he's usually alluding to said relationship with her. We do not know about what Diavolo thinks of Donatella as a person present-day.

Personally, I can't see Diavolo carrying particular sentimental attachment to Donatella in present-day Vento Aureo. By that point, he's too far gone to care about anybody, I think. If anything, he probably ceases to view her as an individual and more as a fragment of his past come back to haunt him. If he does have feelings about her as a person, it is likely contempt and frustration.

I have often seen it portrayed as a plot hole that Diavolo didn't just go ahead and kill her early on to save him the trouble; I actually disagree that this is a plot hole. Killing Donatella, I imagine, would only have caused him more trouble than it's worth. Wouldn't people get weirded out at him ordering for the killing of a seemingly random woman, tempting people to look into it? I imagine the only chance he really could've had to kill her was at the same time he faked his death in his hometown, but we don't know if he could've done that, given she was likely somewhere else in Sardinia at the time and he'd have to rush to flee without people noticing.

It is perhaps a little more character-contradictory that Diavolo was not paranoid about Donatella going to look for him until it was revealed she had his child. To me, I think that Diavolo could've not been concerned about her because he couldn't believe she would particularly remember him for so long after he just dated her for a few weeks; he didn't kill everyone in his hometown, after all, just burnt it down. One of Diavolo's shown traits is that he is utterly unable to understand other people caring for each other, so it makes sense he lacks understanding why Donatella would care about her memory of his younger self.

I have also seen it asked why Donatella did not go looking for Diavolo before she was dying. This is something that's not explained, so I find it a fair plot criticism. Personally, I think the most logical explanation is that she was looking for someone who could take care of Trish after she passed. It sounds like she was left without anybody that could take her daughter if she was gone, and so in desperation, she sent someone to search for Trish's father. This explanation would mean that it's less of a sentimental "I want to see the person I dated so long ago just one more time" thing and more of her last-ditch effort for anybody so Trish wouldn't be left orphaned. (It seems most likely to me that Donatella would have a complicated mix of resentment but also a sense of remaining feeling for Diavolo after he accidentally left her with a child. She doesn't seem to ever speak badly about him, but he did do something terrible to her by abandoning her like that.)

As for how Diavolo and Donatella met and got attached to each other... Honestly, I don't think very much that doesn't go into complete fanfiction-territory. That's something we are given literally nothing about. I like to think that Donatella was something a little special to him, even if she only managed to charm Diavolo for a very short time. It does feed into the tragic nature of Diavolo's character; the idea that he once had the inklings of someone who cared about him and he was/could've been happy with, but his paranoia and greed ultimately overpowered anything else, so any kindling of love was never meant to be.

This is pretty long now so I'll leave it at that haha... but that's how I feel about Donatella, generally. She's probably the background Jojo character I care and think about the most. (And I didn't even get into her relationship with Trish as a mother to her lol...)

[ghostkingart]

Doodle idea or general ask/prompt! I saw Our Flag Means Death as a fandom you’re into. How do you think Astarion or one of your OCs would look or function in that universe? Would they prefer Black Beard or Stede as a captain? What would their job on a pirate ship be? How would they dress?

What a beautiful prompt! I absolutely adore pirates and, fun fact, I've got an ongoing Black Sails fanfic on my ao3 🤭 kinda on hiatus due to BG3 brainrot but it's out there!

I'm gonna put up a trigger warning here for: discussion of abuse, prostitution and sadomasochism, and I'll put my reply under the cut (it turned out very long yet again).

P.S. OFMD friends I'm sorry this is showing up in your tags. To briefly explain we're talking about a crossover between OFMD and Baldur's Gate 3. Feel free to skip 🫶

I do think Astarion would prefer the old school Blackbeard as his captain, maybe Valeriy would also, but Veles would definitely prefer Stede. However, at the same time, with learning vulnerability being a big theme for all these characters, I think either captain would be fine for all three of them.

Tangent but I think Veles being in Stede's crew would help him so much with his feelings of inadequacy and his desperate need to be useful at any cost. Stede would show him that it's okay to just exist and be yourself.

I imagine Astarion and Valeriy would have followed Blackbeard until he meets Stede (where Veles would be) and then, just like in the show, Stede and Veles's side would teach Blackbeard, Astarion and Valeriy's side to be gentler, kinder and more vulnerable.

I can see Astarion, Valeriy and Veles being in a polycule in this AU but get this: Valeriy and Izzy. I'm obsessed with it now omg.

Fun fact: some of Valeriy's original backstory versions include him being a pirate. This never fit into the overall story/lore however, so I scrapped it.

I'll yap about this more later but let me tell you what I think each of them would do. First things first, I'm honestly not sure what Astarion would do, I don't think he'd be ranked too high, but I also don't think he'd be ranked too low. Somewhere in the middle imo.

Valeriy would be like Izzy's own right hand man and/or ranked just below Izzy. They have a similar ruthlessness to them.

Veles would be a master of navigation on Stede's ship I think.

I think I'll draw them in this AU actually, but I'll come back with that later.

I think Izzy and Valeriy in particular would work so well together because, just like Veles is distinctly a masochist due to his backstory, Valeriy is a sadist, except that Valeriy has a much healthier approach to his sadism than Veles has to his masochism. I've talked about this sm already but Veles's masochism transcends sex and he most certainly sees himself as an object. Valeriy is nothing like that, he's very careful, gentle and communicative if there's any sadomaso play going on, and he keeps it all in the bedroom.

I don't think I need to explain why Valeriy's sadism would work well with Izzy, OFMD fans have talked about it enough for me haha. But I wanna reiterate that I imagine it all being consensual and mindful, honestly very much unlike Astarion and Veles where at times it gets super messy due to them both being messed up in their own right.

How about how I imagine they became pirates? I mean it's a pretty simple answer. Historically it's pretty accurate, to my knowledge, that people on the margins of society escaped to become pirates. It checks out because Astarion, Veles and Valeriy are all a flavor of queer (bi, gay and pan in my hc). But also, all three of them have some type of abusers to run away from as well as an overall bad life situation (think Valeriy who's already escaped his father, but has only landed himself in prostitution instead. he'd like to leave that behind).

Random bit of a headcanon here, I think Veles would be a person of color in a non-magical AU, and I think that because of the racism towards drow analogy in DND. I'd probably completely redesign Veles for a non-magical AU, but all in its time.

I think Veles would be super cool with the rest of Stede's crew. He'd be very shy at first I think, but he'd find acceptance within the ranks.

I'm also thinking about, once the two crews join, Valeriy would really enjoy listening to Stede or Lucius read to him. Another fun fact: Valeriy reaaaally likes books, he simply can't read them on his own. Meanwhile I don't think he'd have many opportunities to be read to in Blackbeard's crew (this isn't an Ed is illiterate thing btw, this is an Ed has a reputation thing).

I think that's all I have for now! If you have any more ideas for this AU pleaseeee send me another ask!! This was so fun :D

[accirax]

For some stupid reason tumblr isn't letting me post a reply to this post so I'm leaving it here instead:

About the staff stories tier list - Really? It's kinda the opposite for me. By that I mean Jensen's backstory ep is the best one imo and at the top of the list. Krystal's was also pretty good so it gets 2nd, even though I still hate her (seriously, am I the only one who gets legitimately confused when people in or outside the show talk about how she's "changed"? When Oliver said that I just mentally laughed because... Since when??? And how??? in WHAT way!?? Sure she may be softer to the people closest to her but she's still a bossy, b*tchy, sadistic @$$hole who only cares about what gets the best ratings for her show at the cost of the players' physical & mental safety) (*sighs* sorry for that random mini rant..) And Derek & Trevor's and Marcus & Nina's tank at the bottom, in that order.

Also- you don't like dogs..? 😟 Guess that's the end of this friendship then... (Haha, jk, jk! (mostly..))

For Jensen’s episode, I just think that, if you DON’T lean on the crutch of “people will instinctively care about these dogs because they think that they’re cute,” there isn’t much incentive to get invested in the story.

The hosts’ stories have more of an “in” due to being more connected to the show itself (which, as fans, we SHOULD all care about). They also deal with questions that I think are more directly raised by the story itself— we’ve heard a lot about Kris McLane (or however you spell that) already, and I always wondered how Derek and Trevor became such close friends despite their opposite personalities. Marcus and Nina’s story is also more of a natural story question (“what the hell is Nina”), and, even if you don’t instinctively care about the father/daughter bond, there’s a supernatural hook to make up for that. Even if the answers provided in these episodes weren’t always excellent, they were at least episodes that I felt had a reason for existing.

Meanwhile, Jensen’s episode stars a character we’ve never seen before (the wolf cub), a character we’ve never seen before (Jensen’s sister), and a character with a whole four minutes of screen time who we haven’t seen for two whole seasons, if you watch chronologically (Jensen himself). The question raised isn’t anything as specific as “whose name was carved on to Jensen’s knife” (because we’d never seen it before) or “why was Jensen so mean to people but so nice to dogs” (because he had never been seen with a dog before), and therefore can only be the vague “so what WAS this guy’s deal?”

And I know that’s a lot of talking about what the situation was going IN to the episode as opposed to the content of the episode itself. I’m just trying to illustrate my point that, given my pretty reasonable lack of interest in the episode’s premise (for the reasons above), without an instinctive care for dogs, I found no reason to get invested in the pretty cliche storyline. Giving Jensen the exact same soft side as resident grouch Karol did not invest me in his story. Hence, I was bored for pretty much the entire episode (other than the part where his sister died, which while entertaining also felt out of place with the tone of the show), and didn’t enjoy it much.

That being said, liking a cliche story isn’t at all a moral failing. I like watching ranking videos on YouTube, and someone who grew up watching many of the Disney direct to video sequels, I’ve watched several videos of people offering their thoughts on them. And, every time, I disagree with their placement of The Little Mermaid 3: Ariel’s Beginning. Everybody always says that it’s “just mermaid Footloose,” and had no reason for existing. Well, guess what? I’ve never seen Footloose! So, to me, it’s just a fun (if unrealistic) story about banning art that manages to persist anyways. Thus, I understand the urge to defend stories that you like that others call cliched.

(That’s my tangent of the post, lol.)

As for the “not liking dogs” thing, I grew up next to some really mean dogs who would bark and growl at my sister and I. I used to be afraid of dogs to the level where, if I was at a park and an unleashed dog was running around, I would climb on top of a picnic table and cry. After my family got some cats, my fear diminished as I realized that cats and dogs really weren’t that different, so if I wasn’t afraid of cats, I shouldn’t be afraid of dogs.

However, due to my rocky start with dogs, I find it difficult to feel anything regarding dogs above a neutral. Like, if someone shows me a picture of their dog, I can acknowledge that it’s objectively a cute dog and say “aww, that’s nice!”, but I don’t really feel any desire to pet it or coo at it like I would a cat. And I’m still a little afraid of big dogs 😅

Hopefully that’s a sufficient answer ^-^

[donnerpartyofone]

I have posted about this multiple times before but since tumblr's search won't cough any of it up, I'm just going to say it again so I can add my new thing to my thought process about trigger warnings:

Years ago a popular true crime blogger posted an ask from someone requesting that she tag for needles. I think she had posted that notorious x-ray of masochistic serial murderer Albert Fish's colon, which is admittedly disturbing, but she very politely declined on the basis that everything she posts tends to be violent and disturbing--you actually SHOULD find her blog upsetting--and users should manage their expectations around that general premise. Additionally, needles do not carry the specific traumatic weight of something like, say, racial violence or child abuse, for which a warning could be in order; needles are everyday objects that one might reasonably encounter in a store or a person's home, or practically anywhere. If you have such an aversion that it really affects your life to see a needle, you might want to pursue treatment and stop using a part of the internet that is essentially a giant random image generator.

My personal take on content/trigger warnings (are those different? If not then why do we have varying tags instead of one universal one to keep the system reliable?) is similar, that they're only important for material that could seriously upend someone's day. Is Thing X something you truly could not have expected where you encountered it? Would you need to leave work or school if you saw Thing X? Would you need to seek assistance or take a medication? Does Thing X cause significant social problems or affect your sense of safety? If not, you don't need a warning. I mean everyone can tag whatever they choose and of course some folks are happy to tag stuff just because someone might find it annoying or unpleasant, but you're not entitled to protection from strangers just to spare you casual discomfort.

One day I got this extremely angry anonymous message in all caps yelling at me for not tagging spiders. I had no idea what the person was talking about, but after a while I realized it had to be about a popular post I'd made years ago showing tarantulas in a Kids In the Hall sketch. This was especially funny to me because at the time I was posting a lot of explicit violence and sexual imagery that someone could reasonably object to, but this person felt that it was my job to help create the illusion of a spiderless world for their benefit. I know arachnaphobia is a real thing but I still think that if you suffer from it then it's your job to look after yourself and not everybody else's job to protect you from remembering that there are spiders.

This is kind of a tangent but I often think about how trypophobia is not technically a phobia because it isn't affecting anybody's ability to lead a normal daily existence. It's just a grossout thing, basically a matter of taste, but people love to try to elevate it to the level of a serious psychological vulnerability for some reason.

I'm thinking about this stuff (again) today because I just saw a post on one of the autism subreddits where someone linked to a scientific paper to answer a specific question, but they said it needed warnings for incidental use of the term "high-functioning" and advised that some people may not wish to read the paper at all so they wouldn't be triggered by it. That term is sometimes used to invalidate or deny care to people who give the outward appearance of less urgent needs, so it is indeed pretty tricky and needs work. But change is only going to come from attention; if you are concerned about the effects of that language then I think it behooves you to know how it is being used so you are able to argue about it and lobby for change. It's hard for me (a "high-functioning" person) to imagine a scenario in which I'm interested in reading about a condition I have, and then I refuse to do so because the phrase "high-functioning" is going to trigger a psychiatric episode so bad that it's better for me to just ignore information about my own health. I think an adult who is usually inclined to educate themselves should be able to handle occasionally seeing troublesome or outdated language.

Put more concisely than above, my criteria for warnings is just: when the questionable item relates to a real, reasonably common traumatic experience that would be unfair to spring on someone who could relate to it, and/or when the content would be legitimately surprising in its context. Like if you're in my corner of tumblr you should expect that you're going to see horror movie stuff, I'm not tagging anything like that unless it's miles over the line I typically draw. But on the other hand I was out at a restaurant one night and this spoiled egomaniac was practically shouting for a long time in graphic detail about episiotomies within earshot of everyone who was trying to eat. Honestly one of the staff should have told her to shut the fuck up. That's not a thing that people should be normally expected to put up with in a public dining situation, even though it regards a medical procedure that is not morally offensive.

It's probably obvious by now that I think that being uncomfortable and even offended, at least to some degree, has an important psychological and social function. It enables you to recognize and react to problems around you. Understanding what makes you uncomfortable is critical; dealing with discomfort builds character; and continuously avoiding everything you don't like keeps you infantile. It's actually not good to live in a world of only your favorite things.

[writerinturmoil]

My ADHD Journey

Growing up, I never suspected that I had ADHD. My sister has it, and since she has an obvious presentation of it, she got diagnosed decades before I did. Also, my symptoms are nothing like hers. They're more subtle and unusual. Add autism to the mix, and it's no wonder that I got overlooked.

The first time I suspected that I had it was when I watched “The Science of ADHD Medication” by the Sci Guys. Many of the symptoms and traits discussed in this episode resonated with me. Even though the warning bells clanged loudly in my head, I ignored them.

“Oh, I can't possible have ADHD because I’m organized, and I always arrive at places on time.”

The big revelation came a few months later when I watched “adhd: just stop being disabled, i guess?” by stillnotcorry. When he said that people with ADHD function at the extremes, either arriving extremely early or late to places, the wall of denial finally shattered into a million pieces.

I always arrive at places ridiculously early, sometimes over an hour early, because I have of a fear of being late. Hours before leaving the house, I enter into panic mode. Every five minutes or so, I’ll look at the clock. I'm afraid that hours will slip away from me if I don't do so. Also, I'll gather all of the items that I need to bring with me and place them next to me, visible and tangent. Getting work done while in such a panicked state proves difficult because I'm constantly reminding myself what time I must depart. A reminder that plays on repeat like a broken record in my head. A reminder that blocks out all other thoughts and cares, including those that deal with bodily functions and survival.

After the wall of denial had fallen and the dust had settled, I thought about all of the other ADHD related symptoms I have. Ones that plague me constantly.

First, I struggle with executive dysfunction, which is also a sign of autism. One experience I heard many with ADHD relate is the inability of getting out of bed in the morning. I also find this a challenge but hadn’t realized it at first because I had unconsciously set up a sleep routine that accommodated for it. I go to bed early enough so that I wake up fifteen to twenty minutes before the alarm. This extra time gives my body plenty of time to start moving and functioning correctly.  

When I don’t wake up and sleep until the alarm goes off, I find it difficult to move. I can’t get my body to follow the commands that my brain sends. I have to literally throw myself off the bed. A violent act that always results with me face down on the floor, mummified in my blankets.

Second, I have issues with working memory. If I go to the kitchen for a glass of water, I may forget what I wanted by the time I get there. I will stand in the middle of the room and try to logic the reason for my jaunt. If I see a pile of dishes or an overflowing bin, I’ll assume that my goal. My workaround is to repeat my intention until I achieve it. “I need water. Water is what I need. I need nothing but water. Water is refreshing, water is delicious!”

Third, I can’t sit still. Since a kid, I would bounce my leg, sway from side to side, or get up from my seat whether it was appropriate to do so or not. This behavior drove my grandma crazy. I can still hear her in my head: “Sit still already! Do you have fire ants in your pants or something?” 

In school, when I couldn’t sit still for another moment or I’d combust, I’d pretend that I needed to use the toilet. With hall pass in hand, I’d journey to the furthest restroom possible to prolong my freedom. Once I arrived, if no one else was in there, I would expend some energy by dancing to a song in my head or doing a few jumping jacks. Luckily, nobody walked in on me.

At restaurants, my family and friends are used to me getting up at random moments to wander around the establishment for a bit. Sometimes, I may even just stand up and sway. I’m sure the patrons give me funny looks, but I don’t notice them. I only pay attention to the reactions of my family and friends. If they seem fine with it, which they usually are, I continue with my swaying. If they don’t seem comfortable with it, then I go for a wander. 

At the cinema, I usually get a seat in the back row, so I can stand up and sway whenever I want.  Also, I never go during peak times or on weekends. I enjoy nearly empty theaters with only a handful of patrons in attendance. If it’s too crowded, I become easily distracted by the sounds of coughing, shuffling feet, and talking; by the smells of body odor, perfume, and concession food; and by the sight of people’s heads, arms, and cellphones. 

Last, I tend to space out, especially when I’m watching a movie or having a conversation. My brain will get bored or distracted and begin contemplating other things. Sometimes, I’ll see an object or hear a word, and my brain will associate it with another object or word. Either of these associations can get me sidetracked onto a different topic. And down the rabbit hole I go. The world fades from my consciousness as my brain becomes completely obsessed and absorbed in this new topic. When I remember that I was watching a movie or having a conversation, the world snaps into reality once more. Usually, only a few seconds have passed, but in those few seconds, the movie had moved on to another plot point, or the conversation had steered unto another talking point. I’m left completely in the dark and utterly baffled as to what the hell is going on.

After accepting the fact that I most likely had ADHD, I decided to get assessed. At the time, I had the option of getting one at the same place where I was in the process of getting an ASD assessment, but the price deterred me. It cost $800!

After doing a bit of research, I went with Envision ADHD Clinic that only charged $640. After the assessment, the doctor diagnosed me with combined type ADHD on 29 September 2023.

He didn’t start me on any medication. That would require four to five appointments, each one costing $199! Um…Excuse me?! Who has that kind of money? I’d already wiped out most of my savings to pay for the ASD and ADHD assessments. I really couldn’t afford to spend any more money.

At this moment, I'm not sure if I'll ever go on ADHD medication. I suppose that only time will tell.

Well, that’s all I have time for today. Until next time, take care and stay curious.

Sources:

“The Science of Medication”

Sci Guys

15 January 2023

“adhd: just stop being disabled, i guess?”

stillnotcorry

25 August 2023

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

i've said it before and i'll say it again: trent and nate's dynamic has got to be the funniest shit ever. their arc--like of how they know each other--is just genuinely fucking insane and it is so goddamn funny to me. first nate is just seemingly a random kitman and trent is a well-known, well-respected, definitely-a-huge-cunt-but-he-knows-what-he's-talking-about journalist. trent learns ted is taking cues from a kitman; he's incredulous but intrigued and doesn't dismiss this as insane, although he obviously notes that it's Fucking Weird, it's lumped in with his general opinion on ted's coaching style, which seems to be "fucking weird and no one else would do it but damn if it isn't interesting and possibly what we need".

presumably they have little to no contact for most of the first two seasons--trent probably at least has some idea of his prowess as a strategist, nate becomes a coach, they might even actually meet for press reasons at some point, no idea. also as a slightly nonlinear side note, unsure what nate would be thinking of trent from pre-canon to s2, but i would say a) it's possible that he does genuinely like/respect trent's work, as they're both pretty passionate about the sport and know their shit, b) he at least almost certainly thinks of trent as ruthless, hence why he goes to him to tear ted apart and hurt him as much as he can--although alternatively, it's possible that he just has noticed ted seems to like trent in particular and wants to hurt him that way, but i don't think that's the case. so i'd guess pre-canon he'd be intimidated by him but if he managed to hold a conversation with him (which he doesn't in canon, most likely) they'd actually get along pretty well, i think, especially talking about strategy and sports history. because s1 trent wasn't actually like, a cruel person, even if he'd done some less-than-kind writing, so i doubt when faced with someone like s1 nate he'd have been like, metaphorically shoving him in a locker. i think he mostly turns his snark on gaffers and players, usually perceived as assholes and possibly not entirely incorrectly, and also probably annoying coworkers. not so much nervous kitmen.

ANYWAY, nate never does see a softer side of him--and presumably isn't noticing how he talks to ted in the press conferences lkfhjfgh or only looking at the surface stuff--hence why he goes to him post s2. ANYWAY sorry i've gone on a tangent, i'll have to sum shit up at the end--anyway, so s2 finale happens. nate goes to trent with a huge, horrible scoop, and trent has to write it, but it makes him quit his job. so like, they know and probably at least mildly respect each other from afar, and then the s2 finale happens and that's gotta be awkward (especially as i'm not sure nate ever finds out that trent burned his source to ted? which i think trent did primarily because a) he respects and cares about ted and didn't want him to be blindsided by someone he trusts betraying him, b) it's ted, and he trusts him: he knows ted isn't going to do anything to nate or hurt him about this. debatable whether it was the right thing to do or not, but regardless, unsure how nate would react if he knew--it would really depend on when he finds out.) but anyway trent probably doesn't feel great about this--he genuinely likes ted and this basically makes him realize he kind of hates his job and doesn't like the person he is and that he wants something better, something that doesn't have him hurting genuinely kind people just because he's supposed to, so while obviously i can't imagine he's happy nate brought him this story--in fact, i imagine he hates it, for how it hurts ted if nothing else--in a way it also did give him the push he needed to change his life (and eventually led him to richmond in s3).

ANYWAY AGAIN, here comes the funny part which is then nate leaves richmond and trent joins richmond, loosens up, lets himself be the soft and nerdy little dork he always was, and then. then nate fucking comes back. and like. how the FUCK is that even going to go. like. they're just in the diamond dogs together now. nate just has to deal with the fact that Trent Crimm Is Here Now I Guess? We Like Him? He's Our Emotional Support Ex Journalist? and they're just like. yeah we're in a group of grown men who bark and howl like dogs and then talk about our feelings and we're just standing next to each other and this is fine. like. that is so fucking funny. i doubt there's any real animosity--i know fanon/fics often have trent being protective of ted and therefore venomous against nate but i just don't see that. it's not like he's thrilled at what nate did, but he knows he had his own part in it, and it's not his place to forgive or not forgive nate (that's ted's), and like. that hurt people hurt people, and nate was going through shit, and god knows trent's been there. so if nate is already in a place where he's sorry and he's worked shit out with ted, i can't imagine trent would be holding much of a grudge. (nate might think he does though, considering as far as he knows trent lost his job about it, but i can see him trying to apologize and then being gently rebuffed (about not needing to apologize to him i mean) and then... not sure how that conversation would go but i'd love to be a fly on the wall fghfgh) anyway grudge or not that doesn't mean it isn't FUCKING AWKWARD. like what a fucking trajectory. that is some funny shit.

like. okay, we go from 'kitman and scary journalist' to 'coach and scary journalist' to 'we both blew up ted lasso's life because you were having a crisis and that gave ME a crisis and i exploded my job about it' to 'coach of rival team and richmond's emotional support ex-journalist' to 'just two guys standing in the same room together. just two dudes part of the guys who howl and bark and talk about our feelings group. just two dudes with no history whatsoever. we're fine and everything is fine' ldgkjfhjfghfgh like this is FUCKING HYSTERICAL!!!!!

especially like. idk if word got around trent was writing a book while he was just hanging around richmond or if people would just spot him and go [squints] hang on is that. is that trent crimm? but i choose to believe nate didn't really know (we saw him see trent and ted talking once which--actually i'd love to know what he was thinking then, too) like he knew trent and ted were still talking but the idea of him coming back to richmond and everyone's just like yeah and trent's our mom now. what, why are you giving us that look. we've adopted him we're not giving him back. don't worry you're part of the family too. we're not giving you back either. hey did you know trent's a fucking dork? colin says he dances like a dad at a wedding and we've got plans to get everyone drunk so we can see too. why are you looking at us like that it's not weird he's our little guy now. nate is just like (chose trent specifically because he's supposed to be a huge cunt) but isn't he. you know. (jan maas: are you trying to say journo or cunt?) yeah. that. (colin: nah not really boyo. i mean, we've all been cunts before, right? (sounds of agreement)) (nate kinda goes yeah fair enough)

also again this is immediately made ten thousand times funnier if tedependent happens ngl.

[dilfdoctordoom]

Absolutely just preaching to the choir at this point but like, I don't care I'm also going to complain LOL I cannot get over how it seems Gunn had a legit grudge against Gamora (and Mantis!!!) because the treatment of both of them feels so specifically targeted that you would think both characters broke into his house and kicked his dog or something. He's definitely not as dumb as the Snyder fans would have you believe, I know he reads the source material even if he ignores the majority of it, but I do not see how even if you ONLY read GotG 2008 that you'd come away with wanting to intentionally write the women like that, it's so unhinged.

I'd ask why the HELL Vol. 3 struggles so much with its WOC when he's shown to have the ability to Try and improve on this in his other work post Vol. 2 (Mind you i think The Suicide Squad also had issues with racism AND ableism- if it's supposed to be this commentary on the USA strong arming and trying to cover up their involvement with other countries, why is the film presenting it as a big joke that Bloodsport and Peacemaker are violently murdering these POC freedom fighters by accident? I know Gunn is a big horror nut and violence and an R rating blah blah blah but Maybe read the room. And don't get me started on everything with Polka Dot Man oh my god) but by now I think the Vol. 3 issues are because he just could NOT put himself mentally into the characters headspaces, like he literally couldn't relate to them At All so they just had to get these half assed resolutions at best or written out to never to return at worst. (other than Rocket, obviously, who even then ALSO suffers from the writing!! NO ONE TRULY WINS!!!)

I genuinely think the only reason the leading lady in Peacemaker (Leota, a black queer woman) didn't get treated like ass is because of Gunn's own comment that the character shares a name with his mother. Like, bruh. If the only way you can treat these characters with different backgrounds than you with the bare minimum of respect is because of vaguely nepotistic reasons or because you absolutely HAVE to relate to/project onto them, then idk what to even say 😵‍💫

This is a safe space to be mad about the treatment of women (& women of color specifically) in the Guardians franchise because god, it always just gets worse the more that I think about it.

(Random tangent: Like, you have Michelle Yeoh! The Michelle Yeoh! And she's just... cameo doesn't do anything doesn't ever appear again. My god if we're gonna force Gamora to be a Ravager at least bring her back).

There was some improvement in his DC work (though definitely not in his treatment of disabled characters lmao that's a consistent shitshow). Ratcatcher felt like a person, didn't get needlessly fridge like I'd assumed she would. Harcourt and Leota actually feel fledged out. Leota especially as that's a queer woman of color... and now it's just cause she has the same as his mother lmao.

Guardians 3 I think is the most disappointing movie in the entire MCU because I just fundamentally do not buy these resolutions for these characters. Peter's going back to Earth? Awesome, but he already did that. Rocket's fine with everyone leaving? Strange since for them, they were dead for five years.

What happened to Gamora and Mantis goes beyond Gunn's favoritism like he was so casual about killing Gamora... leading woman of color, and he talks constantly about how he just wanted to kill her, that's, uh, that's not great.

Mantis drives me crazy because you could not convince me that that man has read a single comic starring her. How do you adapt someone so horrifically? Comic Mantis isn't great, nor am I ever gonna claim she is, but she's still somehow better than the MCU depiction.

[inkhansky]

Lonely

Suddenly I feel lonely. I like being alone, but there are time like this that I feel so lonely, like I have no one to tell them that I'm lonely. I have no one that I feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with. I can't tell anyone that I'm not ok, because I don't want people to worry, and I feel bad if I make people worry. I mean I just want someone to acknowledge my feelings without any judgement, or feeling like they have to do something for me.

There was a time that I had someone that I can talk about all this stuff. It was a time that I feel like I was allowed to be emotional. But, thinking back, I don't think it was good for me. I am not meant to be emotional. As cliche as it sound, emotions made me weak. I grew up believing that I have to do everything for myself and never able to rely on anyone. Then, things changed and I started to rely on someone else beside myself at probably one of the most difficult time in my life so far. And what did I get? I was discarded the moment I needed help the most. I was right all along, I am the only person in this world that will be there for me, no one else. But it's lonely.

There is so much that my cat would listen to me before she gets annoyed and just go inside her nook to take a nap without having me disturbing her. There is a friend that so similar to me that I know they wouldn't like it if I to be dumping all this emotional crap on her. There is a friend that I don't even know we are even close enough to be talk about this stuff. There are so many people I thought about sending a message asking them if we could talk, but stopping myself as soon as the thought came out, not wanting to burden them.

So here I am, on this blog that probably no one will read, unless I randomly disappear and my family care enough to hire a PI to look into it, and they find this. Hi person who was hired to look for me. I swear I am not depressed, well maybe I am, I can't say for sure since I'm not a psychiatrist. Anyway, I lost my Switch at the airport few weeks ago. It was my fault, I was half asleep. I am so grateful that I was in a financial stage where I literally got a new one within the day. And I was able to recover almost all of my data, even one that I thought I forever lost, which I would be super devastated about, but wouldn't be able to tell anyone (talk about 770+ hours on ACNH). I have been dealing with this all by myself. I can't tell my mom because she would say that I shouldn't have spend money on something so trivial. I have come to an acceptance that my mom will never see gaming as something important. I can't tell my friend because they would think I wasted money. So here I am grieving my limited edition switch, and my first pair of custom joy-con that I did myself. It's not the monetary value that I'm grieving but the sentimental value of that thing.

Wow, that was a tangent. Maybe what I'm feeling right now is not just the random loneliness, maybe it has been building up for a while. ORRRRRRR maybe I'm just PMSing. Honestly, why is being a girl so dang hard. I don't even know if I'm actually sad or my hormones are just going crazy.

Well, at least I feel better after letting all that out.

To the unfortunate PI that has to go through all these posts. If I really disappear, I probably don't want to be found. So you can use this section to tell my family to stop looking for me, or do look for me, I'm not the one paying you, so what power do I have.

To the person who is not a PI reading this, I don't know what brought you here but you should leave. I already felt mortified by the thought of someone reading this ( as I am writing as posting this on the internet, yes).

[lordarsonizzzzt]

I’ve been high many a time— if you have a little weed it’s like “oh everything’s kind of funnier and food tastes better” but like the highest I’ve ever been I felt like I was going to phase through the wall because my back didn’t exist. Anyways—

Clef finally finds the notes for this presentation, a big thick stack in Gears’ godawful handwriting. He starts to panic a little bit, and Iceberg had to calm him down again. He’s not having fun being the voice of reason, but at least Gears seems to be appreciating his company. A lot. He will not let go of his sleeve and is constantly pulling him closer, keeping him on a bit of a leash. He lets him pull him around though, because Gears is a wreck. He keeps on running his hand over the couch again and again, and going on weird little tangents about random shit.

“Hey, what does this say?” Clef asks, lifting a note. Iceberg steps closer, only for Gears to tug on his sleeve and whine.

“Can you let go of me? For one second?” Iceberg asks, forcing himself to sound gentle. Gears’ face shifts into what might’ve been a shit eating grin. It looks more like a grimace.

“No, you… you’re cold. It’s… I’m not floating away…”

Iceberg glares at Clef.

“C’mere.”

Clef rolled all three of his eyes.

“You can leave him for a second.”

“No, because I don’t want him to ‘float away’ and get freaked out!”

“Have you even smoked weed before?”

“I’ve done acid, Alto, step off. Get your ass over here.”

“When did that happen?!?”

“I was a wild kid, not important, come ON.”

Gears has shifted to grabbing Iceberg’s wrist at this point, swinging his hand back and forth, back and forth, as Iceberg deciphered the note.

“How long will this last?” Iceberg asks. Clef gives an awkward smile.

“With how skinny he is and the fact this is his first time? A day, maybe more?”

Gears bit Iceberg’s hand. He didn’t even react.

“Alto. I’m going to crucify you.”

“Hey, wouldn’t be the first time.”

-Brainworm Anon

the day site 19 went crazy:

Clef has to be EXTRA careful with his shit now, anything he gives to Gears is first tasted by Iceberg and then given to Gears, Clef is on thin fucking ice *haha funny* because Julian IS going to burn him alive the moment he is not looking

[crmsnmth-journal]

6/1/2024 9:09 PM

I'm still not really well mentally, and I still don't really want to get into the last week or so here, so I'm leaving that all on the back burner. I'm sure today was part of the reason why stuff's going the way it's going. Today was my dad's Celebration of Life. It was out at my uncles, and I ended up getting a ride with my mom's mom and dad. And it was really nice. They had a big tv playing a slideshow of pictures throughout my dad's life and put his music on, which I gotta say, dad had some badass songs for sad slideshows. Who would've thought Sheryl Crow's only good song (If It Makes You Happy) could have a whole new meaning added to it. Sherri gave me a box with a necklace in it. With a guitar charm. That was one thing me and my dad always had, music. And the charm has some of his ashes in it. It's ugly as hell, but it's never getting removed again, unless I change the chain for something stronger. She had a necklace on with a really pretty glass orb on it that had some of dad's ashes too. And then one more glass heart shaped thing that had his ashes still mixed in it and they kind of formed like a galaxy shape in the center of it. She had one other box for Alex, but he didn't show up. At least not while I was there, and I asked Sherry to let me know if they do. I love my brother, and I value the relationship it's taken us years to build, but I'm really really disappointed in him. He should've been there. I don't care if it was late or not, he should have been there. I really hope he did go, but I'm not gonna bug Sherri right now to find out. But they're were a lot of other people. Some I haven't seen since I was ten years old, and it was nice to talk to them and hear stories and all that, but I swear to god, if I hear the words "I'm sorry for your loss" one more fucking time, i will fucking lose it. I always hated that false sympathy bullshit, and I get it's the sentiment, but I cannot stand it. But I bite my tongue, shake a hand and say thank you. Because that's what's needed at that moment. It's draining. I miss my dad. Sitting around and talking, just made me think of him when he'd get into some tangent about something, and they happened pretty often. About the most random shit. For months it was those super fast RC cars, and then it was planes and then it was this and then it was that. One thing my dad had was passion. I almost look up to having that amount of passion, not just for these little hobbies, but for life. He always found joy in it, and promptly gave it the finger. My dad lived his life so unapologetically him. There will never be another person like he was. And I get it, I'm his son. Of course I have to say things like that.

I still have to fight my water heater to get good hot water. I washed the dishes by boiling water so I can save what little bit of hot water I'm able to get used for a shower. I did absolutely nothing today that exerted me in any way, but I still feel the desperate need to get clean. And without the normal hot water, I feel like I can't get clean and it's just been a frustrating few days.