#later designs were easier for me to find references from and information on since I do not know much abt the subject

[beatriceportinari]

Another year, another outfit to die in! Happy birthday again Izuna!!!!!!

Like last year, I played with someone else's lines for these charming patterns, thank you so much Lena @elhnrt ! I had a ton of fun :D

Check the readmore for pattern references and explanations, there are some easter eggs in there :)

(x,x,x,x)

My goal for this piece, in addition to playing with patterns and textures and adding some Naruto references, was to add as many death flags as possible.

The idea of having Izuna in a fireman's coat is obviously not from me. I've always like the idea of Uchihas in fire resistant clothes, and the opportunity for a thick texture alongside a reversible double pattern is very appealing. I used the image of the second reference as a base, with skulls on one side and stylized lightning patterns on the other (visible inside the sleeves and collar). Both were common immagery of firemen coats.

The actual skull pattern is taken from the third reference. I'd seen this one before and before even learning anything abt it it was too beautiful to pass up. Those white and navy gradients are absolutely delightful and I enjoyed using my gel pens for them very much.... This particular type of imagery with skulls and bones in a field is called Nozarashi, inspired by Buddhist representation of death and transience.

The lightning pattern itself is a reference to water and lightning dragons :) Like Tobirama's iconic jutsu, it's one of the hints of what's abt to happen to our little guy. The scabbard is also decorated with dragon motifs for the same reason.

The background pattern is taken from the first reference, another fireman's coat with an illustration of Raijin, the thunder god. He is often representated with drums decorated with tomoes. It works nicely as a standard looking sharingan illustration, with a reference to Tobirama's hiraishingiris with the thunder imagery, like the thunder patterns inside the coat.

If you're interested in this I recommend the book linked in the second reference! It is entirely about skeleton motifs in japanese clothing of the early 20th century.

[dreamstatesims]

hey girlie, hope you're doing well; having a good day/night:

i wanted to ask if you could give any advice with building and landscaping? i've always been a huge fan of your sim style, and i'm currently looking to get into building myself.

was there any videos you watched or accounts that were able to help you jump wholeheartedly into the wonderful world of build/buy mode?

thank you soooo much in advance <3

hi! i could go on and on about this topic so thanks for asking. last year i wrote about building here, if you recall. since that one was more about "vibe" maybe this one should be a little more technical? idk, i'm a dreamy creative so i'm sure this'll get emotional anyway lol.

i suggest picking a world or architectural style and let one inform the other. then research that style, look at floor plans and dive into pinterest for a while before you start building. if you don't already have one, get one and go collecting inspiration that you can reference later. here's mine, if you wanna check it out.

when landscaping i think about two key things: what style of gardening goes with this build (manicured, overgrown, minimal, etc) and i consider the trees and/or flowers i see in the world around my lot. i'll incorporate some to blend on and off-lot gardening. and i can't emphasize enough how important terrain painting is! in my opinion it really anchors everything down. for example, i paint all around and under landscaped areas, trees, the entire perimeter of the house/buildings, and anything else like pools, decks, driveways. it creates depth and makes it look like these things are really sprouting out of the ground. also paths! even if you don't have stones laid down, think about the routes sims will take to get from one place to another, like from the back porch to the pool, the marks little sneakers leave under the swing set when simmies play, from the mudroom to the trash bins by the garage. grass thins out and you'll see some dirt showing through regularly trodden routes, so paint those on to make the area look lived in.

the simpler the floor plan, the better. even if you pick a floor plan that's complicated, simplify it. you don't need a garage? remove it or convert it into something else. too many little rooms and hallways? open up those spaces or take them out entirely and push the necessary rooms you want to keep into that area. you'll find your builds will be much easier to play in this way and it won't take sims hours to get to the kitchen or up the stairs.

i have general dimensions for rooms that really work for me: kitchen 5x6, 6x6, 6x7 dining 4x5, 5x5, 5x6 living 5x6, 6x6, 6x7 half bath 2x2, 2x3 full bath 3x4, 4x4 owner's suite 5x6, 6x6 bedrooms 4x5, 5x5 hallways 2 spaces wide

maybe a bit tricky, but think about adding rooms in the roof. a play room, guest room, second living room, or office space. hell, even just an attic you can convert later as your family grows. when building attics, i'll lay out the roof design first and then see where i can build rooms inside. for easier gameplay you'll want to then break down the roof into sections so when you lower the walls you can see inside and the camera won't bounce around.

twistedmexi's TOOL mod is an absolute gamechanger and i highly recommend using it to expand your lot outside the lines. EA has decorated the world outside of your lot with fences and other features that suggest you can absolutely push things further. i'll setup whatever i want outside the lot inside my grid first and then move it all out together. i do this for play areas, picnic tables and umbrellas, firepits and seating. i'll put cars parallel parked on the road or in the driveway EA has provided. and don't forget about debug items like electrical poles, post boxes, bus stops, fire hydrants and other stuff you'd see around a neighborhood.

i'm subscribed to a handful builders on youtube that i'll watch from time to time. it's great to see what other folks are doing because this community is so creative and you'd be surprised the little tricks you'll pick up. these are some of my favorite builders: simproved, simsphony, plumbob kingdom, simcubeez, bojana sims.

if you have any more questions on specifics or want an actual tutorial on something, don't hesitate to ask! and that goes for anyone reading this very long-winded post. kudos if you made it this far!

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Sole Crusher

Well... It's finally here... the episode introducing the new bee hero. And what do you know? It looks like I was right about how the new character would be portrayed.

It's kind of funny how I made predictions exaggerating what could happen, and they were surprisingly accurate. Isn't that funny?

Let's just get into the seventh (chronologically the seventh and the seventh episode in the season to air after “Mr. Pigeon 72”) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Sole Crusher. Damn, I hate that a pun this clever was used for the title.

We get to the point pretty quickly with the first scene being Zoe arriving in Paris and getting a tour of the city. She asks to stop at the Dupain-Cheng bakery, where she meets Marinette through some brief Unfunny Marinette Slapstick. The two quickly strike up a conversation.

I mean, it's not like Zoe is the sister of the absolute worst human being in existence, right?

Marinette compliments Zoe's shoes, and she points out that she designed them herself, and wrote every good thing anyone has ever said to her on them. But because she only has one friend, there's only a standard “I <3 U” on the left shoe.

So Zoe leaves the bakery and heads to Le Grand Paris where she meets her mother, Audrey. Unlike how she talked with Marinette, Zoe pretends to be just as snobby as Audrey in order to fit in. She then meets up with Chloe, who criticizes her for having poor person things like a phone without any diamonds embedded in it. And then she sees Zoe's shoes.

Look, that meme was already dated when it was referenced in Black Panther three years ago. Please don't try to reference memes in 2021, Miraculous Ladybug.

Chloe offers some golden heels while saying that those kind of shoes are for winners to wear and crush the losers underneath. This is the only episode to mention this kind of ideology, and believe me, it gets worse when Chloe decides to teach Zoe how to be like her.

Get used to this. This episode is all about demolishing any semblance of likability in Chloe's character. Now that Astruc doesn't have to bother with writing Chloe with decency since she's not Queen Bee, watch as he turns her into an absolute caricature of her former self.

Yes, Chloe has ordered her father to give her a lot of frivolous things in the past, but she has been shown to care about him, like immediately rushing to hug him after she was safe in “Origins” and showing concern for when he was akumatized into Malediktator while apologizing for causing it. For the love of God, one of the first things she did when she allied with Hawkmoth at the end of Season 3 was to have him unto her parents' akumatization. I guess she only cared about her rich parents for their status and not because she actually loved them right?

Next up on the list of Chloe's positive qualities to ruin is her friendship with Sabrina.

🎶It's seven o'clock in the morning🎶 🎶I can't believe they made this scene🎶 🎶With the writing Astruc's enforcing🎶 🎶It's like he's trying to piss off me🎶

Yep, Chloe doesn't view Sabrina in a twisted view of friendship anymore. Now she's a slave. I'm not exaggerating by the way, he actually said that in a tweet.

THIS IS WHAT THOMAS ASTRUC ACTUALLY BELIEVES

Okay, so I guess all those times we saw Chloe playing superheroes with Sabrina in “Antibug” and “Miraculer” were just a slave driver playing with their property. Actually apologizing to Sabrina for getting her akumatized in those episodes? Protecting her from the Scarlet Akumas in “Ladybug”? She was just interested in keeping her slave around. I think Astruc may have slept through the slavery unit in his history class. Yes, Sabrina was mostly used as a joke to show how controlling Chloe could be, but there were still semblances of an actual friendship between the two.

Chloe arrives at school and introduces Zoe as her half-sister, despite being the same age and having the same mother. Because I guess we can add basic biology to the list of things the writers don't understand. Now that we're at school, Chloe's friendship with Adrien is next up on the chopping block.

Yep, despite being Adrien's only friend and making a big deal about valuing his friendship to the point where she threw a big party just to make sure he wouldn't leave her and risked cooperating with an Akuma to save him, now Chloe just sees Adrien as a rich meal ticket. Two of the earliest episodes to show Chloe had a more compassionate side to her, and they just undid them. Even as much as I hated the episode, “Felix” showed Chloe was willing to cooperate with Marinette and her friends just to find a way to cheer Adrien up on the anniversary of his mother's not-death.

For the love of God, Astruc, 1984 was supposed to warn people about what could happen if they rewrote the past, not encourage people to rewrite the past. He probably finished Animal Farm thinking Snowball really did work alongside the humans, didn't he?

Marinette comes up and Zoe pretends to hate her, leading Marinette to wonder why she did that. She texts Zoe (she gave her number to her earlier) and invites her to a concert on the Liberty, but Chloe finds out. Zoe thinks fast and pretends it's just so she can torment her more. Chloe then takes out a book listing all the ways she can torture Marinette. I wonder if this is a metaphor for the writing process behind most of the episodes last season.

Zoe decides to go outside for some fresh air, and Andre comforts her. Funny how Andre bends over backwards to give Chloe whatever she wants, yet he's willing to actually talk to Zoe like an actual parent. Andre tries to cheer Zoe up, but she talks about her past where she had to put on an act so she would be liked, but (bet you've never heard this before) she just wants to be accepted for who she truly is. The surge of emotions is enough for Shadowmoth to akumatize her into Sole Crusher.

In addition to having one of the most clever puns for an Akuma name, I actually like Sole Crusher's design. Not only is it a good excuse to reuse Chloe's character design, it makes sense thematically, as Chloe was trying to mold Zoe into a copy of herself. The gold and diamonds also make sense given Chloe's love for shiny things. Her powers tie into the bizarre belief Chloe has about stepping on the winners. Whenever Sole Crusher kicks or steps on someone, she absorbs them and gets progressively bigger, making it easier to do so. While it's not cracking my top ten anytime soon, it's still an interesting character design.

Sole Crusher heads to the hotel to get Chloe, and she manages to get away pretty quickly. Maybe in an alternate universe, she's a track star? For some reason, she runs to the Dupain-Cheng bakery and then... Oh my God... pushes Marinette's parents so they get absorbed by Sole Crusher, before trying to do the same with Marinette.

When has Chloe ever done something like that? Whenever she endangered someone during an Akuma attack, it was unintentional or a result of her naivety. She was only trapped in Pixelator's dimension because Adrien tried diving to save her, she only alerted Rogercop to Ladybug's presence because she eagerly called out for her, and during “Zombizou” she only tried to throw Sabrina towards the horde of kissing zombies once, and that was meant to highlight her growth. The only person to actually do stuff like this consistently is Lila, but I guess she got vaporized by Big Brother offscreen.

This episode is determined to make the audience hate Chloe by retconning everything about her character while portraying her as a complete monster. As bad as Chloe could get, she was never selfish enough to use anyone as a human shield. This kind of behavior honestly could be explained by saying Chloe was lashing out as a result of losing the Bee Miraculous permanently, but the events of the Season 3 finale aren't mentioned ONCE, not even in the next episode that introduces Queen Bee's replacement! How the hell can you set up the next Bee hero without explaining why the original needs to be replaced in the first place?! And trust me, I'm going to talk about Zoe replacing Chloe later.

Sole Crusher grabs Marinette in her hand, so the Horse Kwami, Kaalki, uses her power to teleport over to Adrien's house and inform him Ladybug needs help, meaning once again Adrien did nothing in this episode before becoming Cat Noir.

At the Liberty, Chloe offers more victims to Sole Crusher in the form of the band Kitty Section (consisting of Luka, Juleka, Rose, Ivan, and Mylene) and theatens the giant golden supervillain she can send her back to Paris, even though she's really not in a position to bargain right now. And she STILL continues to insult her. Do you hate Chloe yet? Come on, do you? The writers won't stop until you do.

After we see Sole Crusher's conflicted emotions, Marinette is set free by Cat Noir and transforms into Ladybug, immediately summoning her Lucky Charm, a shoehorn. They only learn Zoe's sneakers were where she were akumatized thanks to Chloe's ranting, so the episode unintentionally made Chloe save the day. Ladybug breaks into Le Grand Paris and breaks the sneakers where Zoe hid them, using the shoehorn to open a door. So Sole Crusher is de-evilized, Ladybug fixes the damage, and gives yet another charm to Zoe.

Afterwards, Zoe goes to the Liberty, apologizes for the act she put on, all while divulging to the audience her “tragic backstory”.

Of course, everyone welcomes her with open arms.

And right here is where the biggest problem I have with Zoe as a character. I normally hesitate to use this term given how often it gets thrown around when criticizing characters these days, but I really can't say anything else.

Zoe... is a Mary Sue.

For those who don't know, the term Mary Sue originated in a Star Trek fanfiction from 1973 satirizing several self-insert stories at the time. Most of these stories showed a beautiful young woman joining the crew of the Enterprise and immediately gaining the attention of the crew. Mary Sue parodied this character archetype by showing how much she was appreciated by Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, the latter being driven to tears at her funeral despite his species being emotionless normally.

What does this have to do with Zoe? She has the exact same storyline as Mary Sue in the parody fanfiction. Her mere presence is enough to make Chloe act extremely out of character in an attempt to make her look better, and as soon as she apologizes while giving a frankly vague backstory, everyone just accepts her as their friend, and I mean everyone in the entire class. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't feel earned. Why was she bullied at her old school? What did her bullies have against her? What caused her to stop going along with her peers, and why did everyone turn against her? How the hell did the bullies who put cockroaches in another student's locker get no punishment while the victim was forced to transfer schools? It's an intentionally unclear backstory designed to make the audience feel sympathetic towards Zoe without actually doing anything else.

I want to ask anyone reading this who watched the episode a question: Outside of her backstory, what do we actually know about Zoe?

What is her personality like? She's nice? Socially awkward? We've never had a character like that in Miraculous Ladybug before! Sorry Marinette, Adrien, Juleka, Nathaniel, Mylene, and Marc, there's a new character with more personality than all of you combined!

What are her goals? She wants to be an actress? Great, but why? Even though there's no clear answer for why Marinette loves fashion, or why Alya loves journalism, or why Nino loves DJing, you can still see the passion in their lives when they do something related to their goals. Zoe only says she wants to be an actress, connecting it to her people pleaser backstory (and given how it ended, she must be a terrible actress), and in the next episode, she immediately gets the lead role in a student film.

When Mylene got the starring role in the movie in “Horrificator”, we at least got snippets of her acting skills in the same episode that established her desire to be an actress, which is also implied to be because she was inspired by her father in “The Mime”. She didn't just say she wanted to be an actress and got the leading role. She still had problems to overcome like her cowardice, which threw her own self-confidence into doubt. Here, Zoe just says she wants to be an actress, and is rewarded for no reason the very next episode.

Zoe basically exists only to be a foil to Chloe, and the writers had no idea what to do in terms of a personality, so they just dumped a bunch of extremely likable character traits onto her without thinking of how her character could come off. And like I said, she's a Mary Sue.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. I've seen a handful of posts on this very site calling Zoe a Mary Sue. In fact, I even asked another Tumblr user @anxresi​ to quote their take on Zoe being a Mary Sue, which I couldn't even top in terms of accuracy. They basically listed off five things that made Zoe a Mary Sue.

She has to have a ‘tragic backstory’ so all the other characters will fall in love with her. Usually within minutes, in the very first episode they’re introduced.

She has to have a supercute design so that the audience at home will fall in love with her. And if they don’t, they’re automatically dismissed as ‘haterz’ even if their objections are purely from a writing POV.

Her only flaw will be thinking too little of herself. “What, lil ol’ me as the Bee Miraculous holder? With my shyness, colorful shoes, chic beret and personalized pink strip in my hair? Gosh, who’d have thought it?”

The contrast to her half-sister will be a constant plot point, with Chloe always getting dumped on. “You see, kids? Bad things happen to bad people. But you see this super-sweet girl over here? She gets a free DAD. Instant FRIENDS. To star in her own MOVIE. The chance to be a SUPERHERO, even though she only arrived last week. Who cares if she has no depth, no personality and barely any reason for being in the show, apart from being a massive ‘Up Yours’ to all the Chloe fans out there?”

What about character development, Mr Generic Zag Guy? “Development? What’s that?! Zoe is already perfect as she is. The only ‘development’ she’ll receive is having her hair done in the first episode she’s introduced. Besides, That‘d’ word is banned here at Zag studios. Why do you think we abandoned Chloe’s stillborn arc so quickly? This is a KIDS show, why bother trying to create a complex character with more than one dimension?”

This is essentially who Zoe is. She's perfect, has no character flaws, has a cute design so the audience will love her already, and was designed only to replace Chloe as Queen Bee. That's all she is.

So the episode ends with Zoe feeling happy at all the new friends she made while we get one of the most blatant attempts of symbolism in the ending card I've ever seen.

See, look. While Marinette is happily talking with Zoe with the image of Ladybug next to them, Chloe is to the far left with an EVIL purple aura, showing how bad she is compared to how great Zoe is. Only a braindead moron would actually like Chloe over the super awesome and pretty Zoe!

I'll give my final thoughts on the episode in the next part where I analyze this plotline as a whole.

LINK TO “QUEEN BANANA” REVIEW

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Darkling Character Analysis

Full disclaimer, I’ve not read the books, though I have ordered the first so I am hoping to have read that soon. But just so you are aware this character analysis is based entirely on the show version of the character. Obviously there will be spoilers for all of season one. Also I just want to say that my aim with this analysis was to sort of get into The character’s head and so alot of this is just what I think the character might have been thinking, feeling and what his motivations may be, it does not mean I agree or disagree with his actions. When I am giving my view on his actions I will try to make it as clear as possible. Also this is just my interpretation of the character and my own opinions on the character, it is ok if you disagree. So obviously this is an analysis of the character The Darkling but I am also going to be talking about his relationship with Alina so I guess its also a sort of analysis of their relationship too just solely from Aleksander’s side of it. I will be using all of the names he has interchangeably because he has so many that I don’t know which one to stick with (seriously haven’t seen a character with this many different names since Jace from Shadowhunters) so sorry if that’s annoying. Fair warning this one is probably the longest analysis I have ever written and they are usually pretty long so I would suggest if you are going to read this maybe get some beverages and snacks first. I mean I think it shows how compelling and interesting a character he is that I was able to waffle on as long as have about him. But yeah its long. Of course you can also always scroll on past. But if you would like to read it then the rest is under the tag. 

Ok so first off I think the show does a really good job of building up the character in the first episode by giving us some information on The Black General before we and Alina officially meet him, they really give the character this air of mystery by giving us only a small amount of information about him but also by not letting us see his face. We get small tantalising glimpses of him, a shot of his boots in the mud, his carriage passing by, the back of him with his cloak billowing in the wind as the skiff enters the fold. It’s just enough to peak the audience’s interest. But most of what we learn in episode one is from what other character’s tell us. The very first mention we get of The General is from Mal and it’s a very small detail but I actually think it can tell you alot about The Darkling’s character. When Mal and Alina come across the Grisha practising Mal says ‘They’re always picking on us when their General’s not around.’ This seems like such a throwaway comment designed to show us how the First Army feel about Grisha and paints this picture of the Grisha thinking they are higher and mightier than those who are not Grisha. But it actually suggests that if they only do it when The General is not around then he does not tolerate Grisha bullying First Army. That he doesn’t think its ok for them to act like they are higher and mightier than those who are not Grisha and that he believes in humility even. Which I think is really interesting. This tracks with Nadia’s comment later in episode three when she says that General Kirigan insists that the Grisha eat peasant fare to keep them humble. Yet while he encourages humility he also makes sure that the Grisha have everything they need in order to flourish and he obviously cares a great deal about the Grisha, I feel like rising the Grisha up and making them strong has been pretty much his only drive and motivation over the hundreds of years since the fold was created. 

The other thing we learn which is repeated a couple of times by a few of the characters is that The General cannot bring down the Shadow Fold. In fact I think there are two conversations about it. The first between Inej, Jesper and Kaz when Jesper asks why the General hasn’t taken it down to which Inej replies ‘Have you ever put out fire by adding more fire?’ The other conversation is more flippant and is between Dubrov and Mikhael, where Mikhael sarcastically says the General is there to save the day and Dubrov asks if he’s going to tear down the fold. So on two occasions we have characters believing the General is powerful enough to fix the problem of the fold only for them to be corrected and told that he can’t. It seems like the show wants to make it very clear that the General will not be destroying the fold and I could be reaching here but this could be foreshadowing for later when we learn he doesn’t desire to bring down the fold.       

Of course even after the first episode the character of the Darkling still remains a bit of a mystery. He’s the kind of character where the more you learn about him the more questions you have. This tactic of giving us small pieces of information about him, just enough to keep you interested continues throughout the season and of course you have the twist in episode 5 where its revealed that he’s the ‘villain’. And yes I did put villain in quotation marks because I personally feel like its too simplistic a term to use for the character. I do feel like he’s more than just a two dimensional villain and there is alot of complexity to the character and his actions just for him to be considered the ‘bad guy’. 

So lets have a look at some of those actions and think about what might have been his motivations and what he might have been thinking and feeling. I want to start with one of the more controversial of his actions and as a warning this is a sensitive topic. One of the earlier things we find out about is that General Kirigan gifted Genya to the Queen. I’ll be honest when I first watched this scene I was so caught up in the new character and what was going on in the scene that I didn’t think much about Genya’s comment about being a gift to the Queen but when I thought more on it later I realised that it was a rather dark idea, that you could gift a person to another person. It becomes especially darker later when you find out what Genya suffered at the King’s hands. I kept wondering a few things, one being why the General would gift a child to the Queen in the first place, two whether he knew what the King was when he put Genya under the royal family’s care and three if he didn’t why he didn’t remove Genya when he discovered what was happening with the King. I do feel that we didn’t get enough information in the show (I don’t know if there’s more information in the books) to really answer these questions but I’ll give it my best shot. Firstly why would the General gift a child to the Queen? Well I actually think this one is easy to answer, he needed a spy within the Royal Family. We know that Aleksander has suffered and been betrayed by a king in the past. He won the Old King a war and in turn that King turned on not just Aleksander but on his people too. I feel like Aleksander was blindsided when this happened and he just didn’t see it coming and because of that his people were slaughtered. It would make sense then that the General would want to keep an eye on the royals and get a warning if they were planning on turning on Grisha again. I also think this is why they refer to Genya as a ‘gift’. That was just the wording the General used to manipulate the royals. Here’s a gift that I am granting you out of respect and to honour and please you, is going to go over a lot better than hey here’s a spy I want in your household. Genya is essentially the General’s trojan horse. As for it being Genya as oppose to someone else, like a trained adult Grisha, well I think that’s because it would be easier to get the royals to take a child into their household than an adult, even as a gift. They will be alot less suspicious of a child than they would an adult. Also they might bond with a child and therefore treat them as more of a confidante as time goes on. As well as that Genya had a very specific set of Grisha abilities that made her perfect for a vain Queen. I may be wrong on this one but thinking back to my history education I think I remember being taught it was fairly common during the time period if a young lady was discovered to have a particularly special talent, like say singing for example, they may be given as a gift to the Queen as this may gain favour for the maiden’s family if she is made a lady in waiting. So if I am right about that then whilst it might seem strange to us it may have been a fairly normal practise to the characters. I mean Alina didn’t seem shocked when Genya said she was a gift to the queen it was learning about the King that upset her. 

Also I do wonder if some of the reason why he placed her with the royal family was because he believed she wouldn’t fit in with the other Grisha, she does say that she is almost as rare as Alina. I don’t know for sure but maybe the General suspected she would struggle with being different from the other Grisha and so decided the best way to help her grow and flourish was by giving a special mission of her own. 

Ok so what about question 2? Did he know what kind of person the King was when he placed Genya under his care. In my opinion I don’t think he did. I am basing this on how he always seems to want to make Grisha safe and wants them to flourish and also due to his actions with Alina when things between them became more intimate, we know that consent is something Aleksander cares about. So to me it would be out of character for him considering how much he cares about the Grisha and consent for him to knowingly put Genya under the King’s care whilst having the knowledge of what would happen to her. I feel like he would also consider it as a disrespect towards Grisha from the King for him to harm a Grisha woman like that especially as she was ‘gifted’ to them. Also when Alina herself asks a similar question in episode 7 when she says ‘did you think Genya was safe when you placed her under the King’s watch?’ To me I think the Darkling looked somewhat upset that she would think that he would knowingly put Genya in that situation. However I do think that by the time Alina was discovered and brought to the Little Palace he was aware of what was going on with Genya and the King as he makes that comment about Alina remaining at the Little Palace with him to train undisturbed. The way he said undisturbed made me think he thought the King might decide he wanted Alina and the General was warning the King away, making it clear that if he wanted the fold destroyed he would have to leave Alina alone. His actions here in protecting Alina also make me think that he didn’t know at the time of placing Genya with the Royal family what would happen to her. He doesn’t want to make the same mistake with Alina that he made with Genya. 

As for number 3, why didn’t he remove Genya from the King’s care once he did find out about what the King was doing? I saw a few comments about this. All of them saying the same that because he didn’t get Genya out he was as bad as the King and was complicit in what happened to Genya. But I actually think it’s more complicated than that. For one thing technically he did remove Genya from the King’s care when he had her poison the king and then made her Corporalnik. Though obviously he didn’t do it immediately. We’ve got no timescale as to when he find out so who knows how long they were planning this. But also there was one line in episode 3 that I think answers this question best, when the General says ‘I may lead the Second Army, but the King is still the King.’ Whilst the General is powerful he still only has so much power over the King. He needed the King’s permission just  to have Alina at the Little Palace and for her to train, which is what the demonstration Alina had to go through in episode 3 was all about. I don’t think the General had the power to just walk into the Grande Palace and take back Genya. The only way he was getting Genya out of there was by killing the King. Also correct me if I am wrong but I feel like what the King was doing to Genya was a large part of the General’s motivation for poisoning the King. I mean we weren’t given much information about the King other than what he was doing to Genya, which made me think that’s why he was poisoned as we weren’t told about any other bad things the King had done that might lead to the General deciding to poison him. I think once he found out what the King was doing to Genya he allowed her to be the one to carry out the poisoning knowing that she would want revenge rather than trying to remove her right away and potentially causing tension with the royal family and also making it harder if not impossible for Genya to be the one to exact her revenge on the King. I guess what I am saying is its possible that Genya was the one who wanted to stay because she wanted to be the one to kill the King. I mean that’s the impression I got from her conversation with Alina where she says ‘I waited for years for my chance at revenge.’ For all we know General Kirigan might have offered to remove her from the Royal household and she might have told him she wanted to be the one to help him take down the King. Whatever his motivations were and however much he may or may not have known I think we can all agree that him ‘gifting’ Genya to the Queen was a mistake. I personally feel like it was more of a similar mistake to when Alina burned the maps. She had good intentions, she did it to protect someone she cared about, but in the end she caused others harm. With Alina she wanted to protect Mal and her whole unit was killed. With Kirigan I think he hoped a spy in the Royal household would protect the Grisha but in the end Genya was harmed by the King. One question I do have is whether Kirigan feels any guilt over what happened to Genya, whether he regrets his decision. I mean we did see him protect Alina from the King when he insisted she remain at the Little Palace. But was that just because it was Alina, the Sun Summoner? What if it were someone else. For example say the King came to the General and said he had taken a fancy to Marie, or Nadia or Zoya, and asked for them to be sent to the Grande Palace, would the General have agreed or would he have made some excuse as to why they couldn’t go, maybe even sent them on an assignment to protect them? There’s no way we can really know the answers to these questions as we just don’t know enough about the situation. All we know is that the General ultimately decided to get rid of the King but even then we don’t know for certain what his motivations for that were.   

I suppose you could say that him plotting against the king and conspiring with the apparat to usurp the throne was also a ‘bad guy’ move. But to be honest after telling us everything that the King did and just generally presenting the royal family in a negative light, I was surprised that Alina had such a problem with what the General did. To me it didn’t make sense for her to be upset and using that against him. I mean after learning what he did to Genya I was fully on the Darkling’s side when it came to killing the King. If they were trying to present this as a ‘villain’ move on the Darkling’s part then they did a poor job of it because I completely understood where he was coming from with that one. 

I felt a similar way with his other big ‘villain’ move when he expanded The Fold into Novokribirsk. At first I found it hard to have sympathy for them considering literally a couple of minutes before we were being shown that the soldiers were planning on murdering everyone on the skiff as soon as it docked. Couple that with the fact that Zlatan had arranged to assassinate Alina and once again I found myself on the Darkling’s side, I mean screw Zlatan and his soldiers. It was another case of it wasn’t until I rewatched it that I realised the villainous part of what the Darkling did was that there were civilians in the city that were also killed. To be honest I do wish that the show had done a better job of showing those civilians to really get across the horror of what the Darkling did. I mean on a rewatch I could see a few civilians mixed in with the soldiers but they were blended in so were hard to spot. I guess that was the purpose of Zoya having family in the city, to tell the viewer that there were innocents there but I just don’t think it made enough of an impact. I feel like if they had focussed in on actual civilians running and being swallowed by the darkness as well as the West Ravkan soldiers it would have had a bigger and more horrific impact. Instead it just kind of came across as the bad guys who had been built up as being bad throughout the season, who were rebels and who had tried to kill the main character, were finally eliminated. Lets be real if Alina had been the one to take out those soldiers we would all have been cheering. Lets talk about Game of Thrones for a moment as an example (spoiler alert for GOT here) however you felt about the way Dany’s descent into madness was written one thing the writers did right in The Bells episode was focus on the civilians that Dany was killing on the ground. They cut away from Dany completely and stayed on the ground with her victims and so you get that impact of what she has done, you see the horror in what she has done and I think this is something that would have worked well with Shadow and Bone. If they had just cut away from the skiff for a scene showing the civilians, the victims that were being effected by what the Darkling was doing then I think I would have been more shocked and effected by his actions. 

Ok so lets focus back in on the character and talk about what his motivations might have been for Novokribirsk. Why did he expand the Fold and take out the city? Well again I don’t think its hard to answer that question. We have to remember that he is a General that is fighting a war on three fronts. He’s fighting the Fjerdans on one side, the Shu Han on another and then the cherry on top is that the West Ravkans are rising up in rebellion. It’s already hard enough having to fight two enemy countries without also having to split your forces again to deal with a rebellion. The General knows that they are already overstretched without having to split their force again to deal with Zlatan. So if you look at it from his point of view striking down Zlatan now before the rebellion gets too large is a tactical military move. Also the fact that it is such a violent move will act as a deterrent for any remaining rebels who might think of trying to restart Zlatan’s movement. As well as to Fjerda and Shu Han, a this is what we do to our own people when they act against us so think about what we might do to you if you cross us, kind of deal. As for the innocent civilians that were in the city well I think the Darkling would convince himself that it was a numbers game. He might have killed hundreds of civilians but as far as he sees it he has spared thousands of lives that would have been lost if they had gone to war with West Ravka. By now the General knows the cost of war, so to him sacrificing a few hundred civilians is worth the price of saving thousands of his soldiers. Of course there is another motivation for the General, one that is less military strategy and more personal and emotionally driven. As Kaz says he was a man fuelled by vengeance. These soldiers standing on the dock had turned their back on Grisha and even worse than that they had tried to kill Alina. In the scene where The Darkling is talking to the Conductor and the Conductor admits to agreeing to assassinate Alina for a million kruge you can see how angry this makes The Darkling. This idea that someone would harm Alina for something as material as money is unforgivable to him. I said in a previous post that I wondered if the General always planned to expand the fold into Novokribirsk and I actually think the answer to that is no he didn’t. I actually think he was trying to make up his mind about what to do about Zlatan and his rebels, its possible he had a number of strategies to go with and was trying to decide which to choose, with expanding the fold being the most extreme of them. I actually think this here is the moment he decides to go with that plan. As he walks away from the Conductor and the Conductor asks ‘tell me how I can help’ The Darkling replies ‘you already have.’ I actually think what he meant here was you’ve helped me make up my mind. Them daring to harm Alina was the linchpin.         

Which brings me to the next part of this analysis, The Darkling’s manipulation and relationship with Alina. One of the great things the show did with the Darkling’s character was making him so complex and nuanced that the audience is in very much the same position as Alina when that reveal is made about Aleksander being the Black Heretic. Just like Alina (if you haven’t read the books) you are left sort of blindsided. Also just like Alina the audience is left wondering how much of it was a manipulation. Was all of it part of his manipulation? Or were there some moments that were real? Did he care at all about Alina or was he just interested in her power? 

Well I will say this, while I do think he always planned to manipulate her, I don’t think he ever planned or tried to use seduction as part of that manipulation. I think we have to remember that he was waiting for the Sun Summoner for hundreds of years and I think he spent that time creating his plan for her and her power. We also have to remember that when he was creating this plan he was expecting to find a child. I think his plan was to earn her trust as a mentor and build a confidence between them. I think he planned to bring her up with his ideals, to bring her up believing the best thing was to use the fold as a weapon, to bring her up to always want to protect the Grisha and to bring her up to embrace her power. However this whole plan had a wrench thrown in it when he does finally find Alina and she’s not a child, she’s a grown woman and one that has been taught her whole life that the Sun Summoner’s purpose is to tear down the fold. Changing the ideals and beliefs of an adult is alot harder to do than a child. On top of that I think he does develop real feelings for her. But these feelings get in the way of his plans, which makes everything all the more complicated for him.        

Lets go to the moment they first meet. I do think right from the get go he is intrigued by her and mean I think when you watch the scene you are so focused on Alina and what she must be going through and feeling, how scared she must be being dragged in front of this powerful General that she’s only ever heard stories about, that we don’t think about what this moment meant to the General. I mean he has been waiting for this woman for so long. She could be the solution to all of his problems, a fix for all of his mistakes. She has been his one glimmer of hope in the vast darkness of eternity. And now she’s here in front of him. Jessie said in an interview that Alina felt a connection to Aleksander right from the beginning, but I think he felt a connection to her too. I think you can even see the moment they make that connection and it’s when he takes her wrist in the tent.

Once he takes her wrist they never break eye contact even as he draws her sleeve up higher, their eyes are glued to each other. Then they both pause for a few beats and again just stare at each other.

The tension between them is so thick it almost makes you want to yell get a room at the screen. It’s like they both suddenly felt something click between them, a oh I know you, kind of moment. But I also feel like Aleksander is a bit surprised by this feeling, he wasn’t expecting it. They don’t break eye contact until The General cuts her arm releasing her power and causing her to look down in surprise. But almost immediately Alina brings her eyes back to his. One kind of cool little detail I did notice is that you can see the reflection of the beam of light in both their eyes.

It’s like a thread connecting them both, I don’t know why but it sort of reminds me of that red thread of fate legend. But also with them both having dark eyes the beam of light reflected in them sort of reminds me of yin and yang. The other thing of note is the General’s facial expression when he sees her power. Whilst everyone else is looking on is awe and surprise, he looks almost content, definitely happy and maybe even a bit hopeful. To me he kind of looks like he’s just had all his prayers answered. 

I think Kirigan is further intrigued by Alina in episode two when she talks back to him with that rant about maybe he hasn’t found anyone with her power because they didn’t want to be found. I think its the first time in a long while that anyone has stood up to him and not just said yes sir. I actually found it really comical how surprised he was when she said no to him. You just know he hasn’t heard that word much in recent lifetimes. But I do think this plants those first seeds of him seeing her as an equal to him. I think this is where he starts to see her as not someone to bow at his feet but someone who belongs at his side. Then when she confesses that she hid from the testers because she didn’t want to feel even more alone I think he really saw something of himself in her. I mean you can see his facial expression shift. I think this furthers his idea that she is meant to be at his side, that she is the same as him and I think even at this early stage he begins to hope that maybe she is someone who will understand him as no one else ever has. In that moment he is determined to make sure she doesn’t ever feel alone again and that is why he tells her ‘you are Grisha, you are not alone.’ You can see from the passion in his voice when he says it that this is something very personal to him. 

However despite this connection he feels to her and the care I think he has for her too, he does manipulate her. I think one of the more obvious manipulations happens in episode 4 when he takes her to the fountain. Something that is worth noting is that before setting out on their ride Aleksander takes off his Kefta. Their Keftas in the show are presented as their armour, so I think it was a very deliberate move on his part to sort of send the message to her, look I’m taking my armour off for you and I am being vulnerable and open to you. He furthers this by giving her his name to create this familiarity between them. Then he takes her to a place that is personal to him and then he really gets into his manipulation game. Here’s the thing though, I feel like most of the time when we think of manipulation we think of lies. But sometimes the best way to manipulate a person is through twisting the truth and I think this is what he does here. From their conversations so far I think he has figured out that Alina feels like an outsider and that she fears being alone and not fitting in. I definitely think he uses this information to manipulate her by telling her the story about how he used to go to the fountain as a boy after he discovered he was descended from the most hated Grisha in Ravka and wished to be anybody else. He knows that Alina will respond to this story, that it will make her feel sympathy for him and also make her feel like he is someone who understands her and therefore someone she can trust and rely on. He is also most definitely being deceitful in that he knows she thinks he is talking about being related to the Black Heretic when in fact he is the Black Heretic. However that doesn’t mean that what he said was untrue. I really do think he used to go there as a boy and wish to be someone else. As for being the descendant of the most hated Grisha in Ravka well my theory there is that he could actually be talking about Morozova. In the flashback in episode 7 Aleksander says that he and Baghra are his descendants and that means that if he created the amplifiers than Aleksander could create an army. Baghra gives the warning that Aleksander will die like Morozova. This makes me think that Morozova died in quite an unpleasant way, maybe even killed because he was feared and hated. I mean sure the Black Heretic is the most hated Grisha in all of Ravka now, but whose to say there wasn’t someone who came before him? Another Grisha who was hated like the Black Heretic is now. And maybe when Aleksander was a boy he discovered he was the descendant of Morozova and that was a burden on him, so much so that he wished he was someone else. 

I also think he was being genuine when he talked about how he is never seen as the solution only a reminder of the problem. I mean we’ve seen this ourselves in episode one its one of the first things we learn about him, that he can’t bring down the fold. I also think he’s being truthful when he says they always need someone to blame but again he’s twisting this truth. Alina thinks he means he is being unjustly blamed for not being able to fix the Fold but I think he actually is talking about how the Old King turned on him. I’m also sure over the years many people have blamed him and the Grisha for all the ills the world has suffered. But I do think he really meant it when he told her that he wouldn’t let the world make her the new Heretic. I think making sure that doesn’t happen is something he cares deeply about and I think it shows that he does have some care for her that he is so determined that she doesn’t go through what he did with the world turning on him. 

Slight diversion here but I do want to talk about whether or not this hatred the world has for him is justified, I mean he did create the fold and that fold has killed alot of people since its creation. So surely just the fact that he created the fold is enough to solidify him as the villain. Well I think that depends on why he created the fold. I mean we get three different versions of how and why the Fold was created. The first one we hear is in episode 4 when Alina tells us the story that is taught to children in school. They say that history is written by the victors, and whilst I personally don’t think there were any victors in the creation of the fold, The Black Heretic disappeared with its creation, presumed to be dead, so the Old King probably considered himself the victor and was left to decide the history. Therefore this story was most likely the Old King’s version of events. In this version of the story it talks about how the Darkling hungered for more power after being made the Kings military advisor and this made the king fear that the Darkling would try to overthrow him. So he put a bounty on his head and that of anyone who stood by him. Eventually the Heretic realised he was outnumbered and decided to create an army using forbidden science. But he failed, creating the fold and killing himself and countless others. The second version we get is from Baghra and it is similar to this one. She says that he created the Fold to use as a weapon, that he tried making an army with merzost and that he didn’t think about what that would do to the people who lived there, that it turned the men, women and children into the Volcra. That she had warned him there would be a price and that he didn’t listen. She also says that he took a noble’s name to hide after. Baghra’s version paints Aleksander as power hungry and as someone who will stop at nothing to get what he wants no matter the cost. But there are somethings I think its worth noting about her version. The first is that it is very brief, sort of like the cliff notes version, as they are in a hurry and she needs to get Alina out of there pronto. She doesn’t have time to go into all the details so she tells her enough to convince her to leave. Which brings me to my second point, Baghra’s motivation here is to get Alina to flee, so logically the best way to do that is to tell her the worst parts of the story and leave out anything that might make Alina feel sympathetic towards Aleksander and therefore hesitate about leaving. Another thing to remember is that Baghra whilst she might know somethings wasn’t there for a lot of it, she didn’t see Luda killed by the soldiers just knows that she was killed and she didn’t witness the confrontation between Aleksander and the soldiers. However what she did see likely had an effect on her. There is one moment in particular during Baghra’s story where she becomes emotional and choked up, there are tears in her eyes and you just know she is reliving a bad memory and that is when she talks about the women and children who were turned into the Volcra alongside the soldiers. Think for a moment about where Baghra was when the fold was created. She was inside the sanctuary with the women and children who were hiding from the soldiers. Which means that she would have witnessed them turning into the Volcra which must have been a horrifying scene. 

Eventually we get to episode 7 and we learn what really happened when the fold was created and the story is more tragic that first told. I mean first you have the whole situation with Luda. He obviously loved her deeply and I can only imagine how painful it must have been to see her murdered right in front of him and to feel that guilt of her dying because she was protecting him. I mean the words ‘just mortal’ now make me want to burst out crying anytime I hear them. Then he gets to the sanctuary and there’s all these Grisha there that need protecting. I think he feels a responsibility for them. Then his mother reminds him that they are not fighters, they make things. Which gives him the idea of creating an army using merzost. It is worth pointing out here that when telling the tale to Alina Baghra says that she warned Aleksander that there would be a price for using merzost, but when you actually see the conversation what she says is that whilst the small science feeds them merzost feeds on them. This suggests that the price to be paid is by him. So yes he was aware there would be a price but he assumed he would be the one paying it. I think if he knew that the people inside the sanctuary would be turned into Volcra he might not have gone through with it. This is another thing that makes the story even more tragic. Aleksander was driven to create his own army by his wish to protect his people, but he lost control and ended up destroying the very people he was trying so hard to protect. Another thing I noticed when Alina is telling the story of the heretic in episode four when she gets to the part about the Heretic being killed along with countless other you can hear what sound like screams in the background, also Aleksander looks really sad and guilty. It is also right after that he says he had devoted his life to undoing the great sin aka the creation of the fold. We see this look of guilt again when Alina confronts him in episode 7 about being the one to create the fold and therefore responsible for the deaths of her friends and parents. You see him look to the floor.

 I really do think that he has alot of guilt about the fold, he sees it as a mistake.  We see both Baghra and Alina make the claim, the fold was no mistake. But in episode 7 we learn that it was, Aleksander did not deliberately set out to create the fold. It wasn't his intention. It seems to me that he wanted to bend the will of the soldiers to his, to make them his own army, but I think he lost control due to the emotional state he was in at the time. I mean right before the soldiers were threatening to murder all the people inside, including his mother, and were mocking him about Luda’s death. He was grieving, he was angry and he was fearful for his people. We were told the fold was born out of greed but lets be real it was born out of grief and out of pain and anger and fear. 

So if he considers it such a big mistake why doesn’t he want to tear it down? Well I think its two fold. On one hand he might be afraid of what he’ll see. It’s like Kaz says to Zoya ‘it’s dangerous to go looking for the dead. What you see may haunt you for the rest of your days.’ Tearing down the fold will reveal all the destruction he caused to the land and to the people who lived there, he’d have to really confront what he did to his own people. But I think another motivator is what he said about undoing the great sin. I think he thinks if he makes the fold useful then at least it would have made the ‘deaths’ of his people mean something somehow. If creating the fold cost them their lives then maybe by making it a weapon that can be used to protect Grisha will make their ‘deaths’ a worthwhile sacrifice.

Ok so diversion over, lets go back to the Darklina relationship and how much of his actions were a manipulation. We’ve already established that he was being manipulative when taking her to the fountain and was telling her twisted truths. But if we stick with episode 4 there’s the scene where she comes to visit him at night in the war room. This whole scene I actually think he was being completely genuine. I don’t think any of it was part of his manipulation of her. First off is the way they are both dressed. They are both in their nightclothes which gives this idea of them being more intimate and more exposed to each other. I said above that the Kefta is seen as the Grisha’s armour, well here neither one of them are wearing their Kefta. They have both taken off their armour and are letting each other in. When Alina first finds him he is looking over the war map and you can see that he looks troubled, which you know fair enough considering he’s fighting a war on two fronts, having to deal with getting supplies through the fold and how to deal with the rebels. I love the way he looks at Alina when she comes in though, its just so soft and I feel like he feels instantly calmer when he sees her. But then he starts talking about how he’s been fighting the war alone and lost friends, about how their own people are turning on Grisha just as their kin once did and he is clearly thinking back to when the Old King was hunting him and his people. When the shadows start creeping in I think his pain is very real, I don’t think this was an act at all and once again if you listen closely you can hear those faint screams in the background. Then Alina dispels the shadows with her light and repeats his words back to him, ‘you are not alone.’ I think in this moment he truly does feel like he’s not alone. That he has found someone who understands him and who is his equal, who is like him. So he reaches out and cups her face and tells her he’s been waiting for her a long time. But then she pulls away and says she should go. I think Aleksander is afraid at this moment that he has frightened her away or that he misinterpreted the situation and he becomes very confused. So when she lingers at the door he goes to it and contemplates calling her back, just as she struggles with whether she should go back. But then she walks away and I think he thinks that maybe he was wrong and she doesn’t feel the same as him and he is a little angry with himself for losing focus and for feeling something for her and so he locks the door between them.  

Another question I asked myself was whether he always intended to put the stag collar on her and to control her powers. In my opinion this one has a bit of a yes and a no answer. I think he kept changing his mind. He clearly knew that by killing the Stag and putting the amplifier on her he would gain control of her powers. As I said early I think his first draft of the plan, shall we say, was to find the Sun Summoner as a child, to gain her trust as her mentor and teach her that the Fold is a weapon to be used as opposed to something that needs to be torn down. If he had found her as a child he would have had a lot more control over her and could shape her into what he wanted. However when they find the Sun Summoner she’s an adult and believes that its her fate to tear down the fold so he has to do a rework of his plan. On top of that he’s got this problem that she clearly doesn’t want to be the Sun Summoner she has no interest in saving anyone and she just wants to go back to being a mapmaker in the First Army. I think it is during that speech where she talks about him transferring her power to someone else that he starts to look into whether that is possible. But as he gets to know her more I think this changes again and he starts to feel things for her and I think he starts to believe that they want the same things and that maybe taking control of her powers won’t be necessary. I think the turning point for him is in episode 5. In the breakdown video of their first kiss Jessie says Alina goes to the General’s rooms because of what happened the night before in the war room where they had a moment in episode 4. Alina wasn’t sure what that moment meant and so she was seeking out Aleksander because she was intrigued and wanted to know if there was something there. Aleksander is once again clearly happy to see her but I do feel like there is some awkwardness there because of what happened in episode 4 and because he feels like he had misinterpreted things and maybe was too intense with her. It’s an interesting dynamic because as Jessie says in that video in this moment he is the vulnerable one. One moment in particular that I think shows this vulnerability is right after she helps him into his Kefta. Again going back to the whole the Kefta is armour thing. When Alina first enters the room like in episode 4 she is wearing her dressing gown she has come to him with her armour off so to speak. He is also out of his Kefta and this early conversation is playful where they are joking about Ivan and the Volcra. But after she puts the Kefta on him is when his mood shifts a little and you see him kind of tug the Kefta tighter around himself. I feel like he was trying to protect himself because the more time he spends with her the more vulnerable and confused he feels, he’s feeling alot of feelings he hasn’t felt in a long time and I think he knows by now that he is well on his way to falling in love with her and this scares him a bit because he has lost loves in the past. Him putting the Kefta back on is like him attempting to put that armour back on. There is another way of looking at it too though. It’s worth noting that on this occasion Alina is the one helping him put the armour/Kefta on, like she is the one giving him protection. Then he turns around Alina is alot closer then he anticipated and you can actually see him struggling to even form words. Then she leans in close to him like she's about to kiss him but changes her mind and walks into the other room leaving our poor guy more confused than ever. Then Alina makes the speech about how she finally feels like she is part of something bigger and that they can offer hope to the Grisha and to Ravkans. In this moment our girl was talking straight to our boy’s heart. I think this is all he has ever wanted to hear her say, especially the ‘we can offer hope.’ I think he really means it when he says it means a lot to him and you can hear the passion in his voice when he says ‘you mean a lot.’ Of course when she looks down he once again becomes afraid he’s overstepped, gone too far and so he tries to backtrack with ‘to everyone’. And well we all know what happens next. Alina kisses him and as he says after he is surprised and not many people do surprise him. I think there is something about this woman that just makes him lose all his senses until his whole world becomes about her. I feel like throughout episode 5 Aleksander feels like he’s gotten everything he’s ever wanted. Because maybe she does feel the same way he does, maybe she wants the same things he does, maybe he has found his life partner, another immortal who will always be by his side, finally he’ll never have to feel alone again. I think the moment I decided this fool was definitely in love with Alina was the look on his face when she enters the room and he sees her in his colours for the first time. After watching her demonstration I think he does see her as his equal. He’s in complete awe of her and the only time he looks away is to look at the Monarchs to see their reaction. Basically from the moment Alina kisses him to this moment where he is seeing her take command of the room and truly showing her power, having people bow to her, Aleksander is living his best life, he’s on cloud nine. 

Then he gets word that someone has located the stag. We don’t see the scene where he gets informed of this but you can imagine he probably can’t believe his luck. Not only are things perfect between him and Alina but now someone has found the amplifier. But I feel like he gets a bit of a reality check when he discovers that Mal is the one who found the stag and he’s now here in the Little Palace. I feel like Aleksander sort of came crashing down to earth here and realised he might have a bit of a problem. Once again he’s having to do a quick, rapid, rework of his plan. Which brings us to another moment where the Darkling is being manipulative. He uses Mal to find out what Alina’s favourite flower is. I mean I suppose you could argue that he’s only doing what every other person does when they want to get a gift for their crush and don’t know what would be best, ask the best friend. But all jokes aside this move was clearly calculative on The Darkling’s part. But I couldn’t help but wonder why he decided to use the Irises. What was his motivation here. It’s clear that he has already won Alina over seeing as she was kissing him not to long ago. Well I said earlier that I think he changed his mind about using the collar on her. I do think after their conversation in episode 2 where she talks about how she didn’t want any of it and could he transfer it he thought she was going to be a problem and difficult so maybe he should look into finding a way of controlling her power. In the beginning she was focussed on her old life and I feel like she didn’t have much loyalty or care for the Grisha, it took her awhile to accept who she was and she was also struggling to use her powers. All she wanted was to go back to Mal and I think this may be why, or at least part of the reason why The General takes their letters. For one he didn’t want her to go back to him and so making her think that Mal didn’t care would encourage her stay put and discourage any ideas of leaving. I mean given her comment in episode 3 where Alina asks Genya if anyone had ever escaped the Little Palace, which the General overheard, its not that surprising that he would decide to confiscate any of her correspondence out of the Palace in case she was organising a breakout with Mal. Secondly as I said she was having trouble using her powers and I think after reading the letters maybe he figures out that its because of Mal that she is struggling, so he either stopped the letters because he wanted her to continue feeling abandoned by Mal and therefore he was hoping she would shift her dependence onto him or because he knew if she let go of Mal then she would be able to control her power more and more power for Alina means more power for him to control. This was all very manipulative on his part and obviously not the actions of someone who cares about Alina’s feelings but at this point she wasn’t Alina to him she was the Sun Summoner, a tool to be used and he was thinking as a General who had people and a whole country to protect and if that meant putting the collar on this stranger then so be it. I think he set out to win her trust to make it easier for him to put that collar on her when the time came. But then as he got to know her more, started catching feelings for her and after their conversation in episode 5, I think he decided that maybe he wouldn’t need to use the collar after all. My theory is that he got her the flowers and he took her to the war room instead of the dinner because he was planning to tell her some of the truth. I don’t think he was going to tell her about who he really was and about him being the Fold’s creator but I do think its possible that he intended to tell her about the Stag and maybe even try to convince her about using the Fold as a weapon. So I think he just wanted to put her in as good a mood as he could if that makes sense, sweeten her up before he brought it up. Also telling her about the Stag means telling her about Mal. I think he actually felt a little threatened by Mal because having read their letters he knows how she feels about Mal. So he wants her attention as much on him as possible. I think he very much felt like his dream was slipping away. As for the make out on the war table moment, that could have also been an attempt to keep her sweet on him like the irises. But as I’ve said before Aleksander seems to lose all his senses when he’s with Alina. When he’s with her the only thing he’s focused on is her, and I personally think it was just a case of he really wanted to kiss her. Some of it might also have been to reassure himself that those feelings between them were real, especially now that Mal has shown up. I mean they are both so giddy and happy when they break apart for him to answer the door that I find it difficult to believe that the whole kiss was a cold manipulation, he was grinning like a school boy. My favourite kiss between them (as steamy as their make out session was) was actually the one where he comes back to kiss her one last time. This is right after he has learnt that she was the target of an attack that happened inside of his Palace, which is the one place where his people are supposed to be safe. I think in that moment he just needed to reassure himself that she is safe, you can see his desperation in the kiss. There was just something so soft and pure about it. If I am sure about anything is that one was definitely real, I may have small doubts about the other kisses but that one kiss was 100% true.   

Things only get worse for Aleksander in episode 6 when he realises that Alina is missing. I think how he behaves in this episode tells us alot about how he really feels about Alina. He becomes somewhat unhinged when she goes missing and only becomes more so the longer she is gone from him. His sole focus is on her and finding her, to the point where he kind of forgets about anything else as we see when Fedyor comes to report about Nina, The General has completely forgotten there were other missions and things he was dealing with. Later when he calls Zoya to tell her to prepare a team to track down ‘Alina’s abductors’ and she puts forward the suggestion that Alina ran by herself, he doesn’t even consider it a possibility. The idea that she would willingly leave him is just too hard for him to wrap his head around because as he says to Zoya he is sure he knows exactly how she feels. He is usually the composed, unfazed General but he very much snaps at this moment and I think reveals more than he intended to Zoya, who clearly looks surprised by his outburst. He even says himself with Alina gone he’s not himself, he’s feeling unbalanced and tense without her. So when Zoya offers to help him relax he tells her that he’ll relax when he has Alina. I think its important as well that he says Alina and not the Sun Summoner. It’s not the Sun Summoner he’s lost without its Alina. When he finally catches up with Kaz and is told that Alina fled on her own you can see how shocked he is at this.

 And even then he has trouble believing it because he once again asks where she is and its not until the line ‘It was pretty clear she wasn’t interested in being a captive any more’ that it begins to set in for him and you see his shadows creep in. After you can see the heartbreak set in and then the anger.

 This anger only grows when he learns that she is with Mal and that she is going after the Stag. I think he very much feels like everything has been snatched away from him in a blink of an eye. I think he is angry that he was blindsided by it and he’s angry that he let his feelings for her cloud his judgement and distract him from his plans. Because of his feelings for her he might now have ruined all his plans and, as he would see it, risked the safety of the Grisha in doing so. Naturally its back to plan A of forcing the collar on her, because no matter how he feels about her he can’t let that distract him from his mission to protect the Grisha again. 

However no matter how angry he is at her and how hurt is is that she ran from him, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about her. I see alot of arguments that he can’t have loved Alina because you can’t hurt someone you love like he did when he put the collar on her. But I’m calling BS on that one now because the people you love are the people who can hurt you the most, especially when they are hurt or angry. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love you it just means they are human and make mistakes. However that doesn’t mean you should tolerate those mistakes or brush them under the rug, absolutely they should be called out for them and held accountable for them and I am really glad that Alina does do this. The Darkling's anger at her is what drives him to find her and to kill the stag himself so he can collar her and I think this anger builds up whilst he is away from her, again showing how unhinged he has become without her. But I feel like some of that anger ebbs away a bit when he does find her and once she is in front of him again. That moment when he finds her and the stag and Mal is hurt and he calls out to her that she can’t save them, that as powerful as she is she does not have the power to heal. He is obviously thinking back to Luda here. Because as powerful as he was he was not powerful enough to save her, in that moment he was utterly powerless to keep her from dying. I think despite how hurt he is he cares about her too much to watch her go through the same pain and grief he did which is why he offers to heal Mal if she gives him the Stag. The similarities between the two scenes (the one with Alina, mal and the Stag and the one with Aleksander, Luda and the king’s men) are clear and I think really have an effect on Aleksander. I think when he says that Mal was only protecting Miss Starkov there are two interesting points. One is the use of the term Miss Starkov. This is a name he mostly called her when they barely knew each other and I think he is trying to distance himself from her again by making things more formal between them. The other thing is that it draws a parallel between both Mal and Luda. Both Mal and Luda were just trying to protect the people they love and Aleksander clearly doesn’t think either one of them deserved to die for it so he lets Mal live. 

Another scene I want to talk about real quick is the one right before he puts the collar on her. This scene is eerily similar to when they first meet. Once again they are back in a tent. Once again the scene starts with the Darkling’s back to her and with Alina in the hands of a guard/s. I said before that I think alot of the reason why he decides to collar her is because she doesn’t share his views and he feels like he needs to control her so he can weaponize the fold and save his people. That he was angry at himself for believing she might be his equal and share his goals. I think this scene where he talks to her shows that. The fact that he lowers himself to her level I think shows that he does see her as an equal. Then he talks about how together they could end all wars and protect their own and asks isn’t that what she wants. I think he is still clinging to that belief that he wasn’t wrong and that they did want the same things and maybe some part of him was still hoping he might not need to use the collar. But then she asks if they are going to tear down the fold and you can see the disappointment on his face because he understands now that she won’t see it his way. So instead he deflects the question and I think this is the moment that cements his choice to collar her.  

Further evidence that he does still care about Alina comes when he puts the collar on her. This is obviously a very distressing and gruesome scene. What he is doing is obviously wrong and I think deep down he knows it too. He can’t bear to look at her as it happens and so her turns away and its the second time he does as he also looks away in guilt when he threatens Mal. I don’t think he can handle her looking at him like he’s a monster and he can’t cope with seeing the betrayal and hurt in her eyes. It is also worth noting that I think part of the reason why he goes through with putting the amplifier on her is like he said to Mal, he thinks that over the years she will come to forgive him. Now this conversation where he talks about how she might take years to forgive him but he had patience also tells us that the fact that he is hoping for forgiveness shows that he knows what he is doing to her is wrong, that it is something that will require forgiveness. When he comes to see her later in her tent, can we just talk for a moment how nice that tent was, I mean he really went all out for her with lace and flowers like he somehow thought that would make up for him fusing a antler into her collar bone, but again even the fact that he gives her all these nice things shows that he wants that forgiveness and the way he approaches her as well is cautiously, like you would a wounded animal. He knows he’s hurt her and made her angry so he comes in with sweet words of compliments, telling her how special she is, and very quickly comes to know that she’s not having any of it. I mean that look she gives him when he first comes in, if looks could kill he’d be six feet under now. But I really do think he did go to her just because he wanted to talk to her, despite his words to Mal about having the patience to wait however many years it will take for her to forgive him, he wants to fix things between them now. He doesn’t want her to be angry with him and he doesn’t want her to be in pain. He’s desperate to get back what they had in episode 5. Also I think its important that we remember that until that conversation with her in the tent he didn’t know that she had discovered who he really was, so when she ran he believed that she had ran because she wanted to be with Mal which I think contributed to his anger at her and his feeling of betrayal. He couldn’t understand why she would want to be with someone who he believes never appreciated who she really was and who is mortal and will eventually just be a blip in her very long lifetime, instead of being with him who is her equal and immortal like her. This is another occasion where I feel like he gets a bit of a reality check and realises that she didn’t run because of Mal, she ran because of his own lies. So all that anger he felt at her ‘betrayal’ was unjust. But then I think he feels a different sense of betrayal in how easily she believed Baghra. I mean looking at it from his point of view she didn’t come to him and ask for his side of the story or demand an explanation she just trusted Baghra and ran. He is clearly desperate to make her understand and you can see his composure begin to fail as he stands and tells her that everything he is ever done has been to make Grisha and Ravka safer. I really do think that line was true, he really does believe that what he’s doing is the right thing for his people and his country. You can feel his frustration and desperation continuing to build throughout the scene as he pretty much pleads with her to understand and can see that she doesn’t. I think the part that really hurts him though is when she says ‘we could have had this, all of it. You could have made me your equal, instead you made me this.’ This line is so powerful and I think its at this moment that he realises just how badly he has messed up. To be told that his actions are the reason why he hasn’t got her, the one thing he wants more than anything else in the world right now. Also the line of making her his equal I think would have hit him hard because he did see her as his equal and so I think he’s surprised that she believes that he didn’t make her his equal and then when she says ‘instead you made me this’ he realises that whilst he might have seen her as his equal he wasn’t treating her as one. His need for control made her a slave to him and I really think that in this moment he is realising that, I genuinely think this dumbass got so caught up in his own dream of what the two of them together could be that he didn’t realise that whilst he thought he was protecting her and helping her grow into this saviour for their people he was taking away her choices and he was making her feel like a captive, the dummy didn’t think to ask how she felt about any of it because he assumed he already knew, it was the same as what he wanted, to protect their country and people. So his anger when he says the line ‘fine make me your villain’ isn’t just directed at her but himself too. It’s not just his hurt and anger that she doesn’t understand his reasons and that she isn’t seeing it his way, it’s also because he knows it was his own actions that lead him to that moment when the woman he loves is standing in front of him and looking at him like he is a monster. He can’t go back and he can’t undo it and worse than that he can’t seem to get her to understand why he did it. I think he feels trapped and so the only thing he can be to her now is her villain. 

It’s after this conversation that his demeanour towards her changes and you can see that he sort of stops trying to win her over. He’s not as gentle with her, I mean he ties her to the deck of the skiff and answers mockingly when she points out it’s not a good look for him with the ambassadors. I did notice though that after that conversation he seems to have trouble looking at her. When they are walking to the skiff and he tells her that Mal is being held captive and will be released if she does her part, he isn’t looking at her but straight ahead and this is something he does alot when he is threatening Mal. The moment when he takes off her cloak he does glance down at her. I seen alot of debate about that scene, as it does come across as having a bit of sexual tension in it and some people thought it was a rather sexy scene whereas others pointed out that he was holding her captive and mocking her. Me personally I actually think its both. People talk about how it has to be one or the other. But yes in that scene he is holding her captive and that part’s not sexy but there is a moment where I feel like he still feels that draw to her. Before reaching up to undo her cloak it seems to me like a hesitates for a moment. When he goes to whisper in her ear that he doubts they’ll notice her feet and I think he feels that pull and that attraction to her and he is really close to her, I don’t think he’s been that close to her since the war room in episode 5. You can see him lean slightly towards her and I think he really is struggling with the desire he feels for her which is why he steps back with the cloak rather forcefully, like he's having to force himself away from her again. It kind of reminded me of the scene where she helped him into his Kefta. So no the situation itself is not sexy but I do still think there is tension in the scene because the attraction they feel for each other didn’t just disappear despite how hurt and angry they are at each other. It’s like their words are saying one thing but their body language is saying another. 

When they are in the Fold again at first The Darkling avoids looking at her particularly when he is forcing her to use her power to create the tunnel of light. His focus is on The Fold. Again I think this shows that he is determined to not let his feelings for her get in the way for his goals, yet he knows he is taking away her free will and her choice and that’s hurting her so he can’t really stand to look at her. Its the same when she asks to tear down the fold and he answers why would they destroy the best weapon they have. Again he doesn’t look at her when he says it because he knows that he deceived her by letting her believe that was what they were going to do and he doesn’t want to see the disappointment and betrayal in her eyes. Again this is something he does alot and look, I love The Darkling’s character, I do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t recognise his flaws and for me I kind of saw him as a coward for this. I mean if you are going to deceive and manipulate a person and force them to do something you know they don’t want to do, then at least have the decency to look at them. He does however look at her when she tries to save Novokribirsk after he lets the fold consume it. He stops her and you can see the anger when he says they are traitors who tried to kill her and that this action was retribution. I think he hates the fact that she is trying to save the very people who tried to hurt her. But again he looks away from her when he sees the way she is looking at him and how horrified she is by what he has done. 

Their very last interaction is when she uses the dagger to cut the amplifier from his hand and shows him what she is and that she’s the one the stag chose. He sees this as her betraying their people which is interesting because at the end of the episode Alina says that Kirigan turned on his own people. So they both believe the other turned on their own people, the problem here is that I feel like Alina feels more loyalty towards the non Grisha Ravkans, she still sees them as more her people due to spending more time as just a ordinary mapmaker then as Grisha but the Darkling has more loyalty towards the Grisha. Its like how you know parents aren’t suppose to have a favourite child but we all know they do. Well I feel like the Ravkans are Alina’s favourite child and the Grisha are the Darkling’s. Of course they still care about the other but their ‘favourite’ is their priority if that makes sense. By the end of the season when we see the Darkling emerge from the fold I think he is feeling very angry and very betrayed by Alina, however I actually think the fact that she bested him has only made him look at her as even more of an equal than before. Not only is she someone who will stand up to him but now she has become someone who can match him. I do think he’s in this very complicated situation where he is on an opposite to the person he believes is essentially his soulmate. However as much as I think he does love her I still think he will put his people above her and so will continue to act in what he considers to be the best interests of his people. It also seems like he’s got some new powers and was able to create shadow soldiers which again is interesting because he basically just accomplished what he meant to do in the first place when he created the fold, he’s created his own army. 

Ok so that’s all for now to be honest I could talk about the Darkling forever but I think this is already long enough so if you have read all the way to the end thank you for your time. I am thinking of doing other character analysis posts so keep an eye for that if its something that interests you, I think I might do Alina next. I’ll also post my thoughts on the book once I’ve read it.        

[microbiologynerdd]

Notion - BASIC and EASY Note taking system FOR STUDENTS

Hello everyone!

I hope you are well!

For this weeks #Microbiologynerddweeklytips post, I shall be sharing my university note taking and organisation system using Notion.

I have been using Notion for roughly 1 year, and have used it to organise my second year university studies, in addition to my voluntary position as the VP of my society.

So below is a very BASIC and EASY to use format you could adapt for yourselves! Enjoy😊

Contents

As a directory to everything I need at university, I have a contents page. Here I have each of my modules, as though they were chapters of a book. Each leading to a separate page of their own.

After this I have the required ‘modules’ for my placement year. I have arranged this slightly differently to my regular university notes - more details on this later.

Below this you can find pages for my summer microtalks hosted by SFAM. I attend these weekly and make notes in that subsection.

And finally I have a section for Taekwondo, to organise tasks I have to complete as the VP of Taekwondo.

Module pages:

So i have tested 2 different methods for module layout, each only having a slight twist.

- Please click the photos to enlarge -

In the photos above, I visualise the 2 different systems. Each of the systems involves having a new cell per lecture. However, in the first 2 photos (from left to right) I have separate pages for my lectures vs my lab notes. Whereas on the right, I have my lectures, labs, extra reading and questions all formulated into one table. Clicking the See All button at the top left of the table, above the search bar, you can choose to view classes by type i.e. just see my lectures or just see my lab notes for example.

The second system I have found works best, otherwise you are just clicking too many buttons to get to the area you need. However, in future I shall implement the ‘breadcrumb’ at the top the page, like i did with the first and second photos. (Breadcrumb = univeristy/ BMS2037:cellu../lecture below the page titles). Breadcrumbs make it easier to shift between pages instead of clicking the back button all the time. They are essientally hyperlinks to other pages.

Tip: to insert a breadcrumb simply put /breadcrumb and a breadcrumb will appear. This works for anything you are trying to insert e.g. a table

You can also choose to insert materials e.g. any lecture slides or resources you used within that lecture. Personally I dont find this helpful, as our VLE is clearly laid out with our lectures. But it might be something worth trying, as you can also insert pictures or any sort of media you require.

I also use the tick box function to keep track of whether I have written the lecture into Anki cards (flashcards)/ attended the lecture.

Side note: Please ignore my spelling/ how I label lectures, they make sense to me, they dont need to be 100% correct - right?

Internship/Placement Page:

I have recently been dabbling in the layout I would like to use for my internship year, however, I shall update you at a later date with any additional details, as due to COVID-19 the formate of the year and my assessments has changed. I also will find out more when I start my internship... which is soon - yay!

I’ve decided to have reminders at the top, which I inserted using /callout - you can change the emoji to anything you would like. This is for me to know instantly any important documents or tasks that I need to complete.

The external work to that provided by my internship is included in the table. This is essientally the coursework I have to complete on the side of the placement. Here i decided to note the deadlines and percentage of the year that it is worth. This is just to help me grasp the format of this year, since as mentioned above, it is slightly different.

Underneath this I have a selection of details to do with the company. This includes my acceptance letter and any insurance forms I need to send off. I just wanted to have them at hand so i can reference them at any time.

Summer 2020/Taekwondo pages:

These pages I format the same as the ‘Module’ Pages, so I haven’t included any pictures etc.

Miscellaneous things:

- NOTION IS FREE FOR STUDENTS - if you have an educational email, you can sign up for free! If not, packages start at $4 a month, which isn’t too bad for something you use frequently!

- This service is avaliable on tablets and computers, so anyone can take advantage of this organisational software!

- You can change the cover and icon at the top of each page. They include emojis and a standard image database, but you can also upload your own unique images if you desire.

- There are also template designs for pages, with different themes for different needs. So if you don’t want to start one from scratch you have lots of options to choose from. Use those as a base and edit them from there! For example, there are calendars, habit trackers, resume trackers and whole load of other things.

- Using a device for notes, such as notion, allows you access to any notes you have made at ease. It is organised, and you are unlikely to lose your notes. Paper is great until you scrunch up that important sheet, or it rains and the paper gets wet, or you are carrying every single note you have ever made - that can become heavy. Just something to bear in mind, especially if you can afford a laptop/ note taking device of some kind.

- You can create multiple pages for different aspects of your life (photo below). For example I have 2 additional pages, 1 for personal things and another for blog post ideas - to keep you guys entertained... haha! 😆

Conclusion :

What I have shared here is a very BASIC overview of how I use notion. If you desire a detailed in depth report of how notion works, it might be worth checking out Ali Abdaal, who can give you this information. As for me and what I require from the service, Notion has been working really well, keeping me organised with all my notes in one area. Knowing what I am doing, when, and being able to keep up with the speed of lectures - considering my writing speed is questionable. 😂

When you first download notion and look at all the templates, it can be a bit overwhelming/ exciting. Start with what you need, and then explore new ideas that you want to incorporate. There is no point setting up hundreds of pages if you aren’t going to use them, just like writing out pretty notes doesnt help you learn content - but more about that in a future post. Start small, being organised involves consistency, you can’t be consistent if you have given yourself too many things to do daily. Or at least you are unlikely to be.

One word of warning, Notion is not compatible with the Apple Pencil, so if you like writing notes on your iPad, this may not be the best software for you. As well as this, if you are a faster writer than you are typer, DO NOT USE NOTION. The whole basis of this app or at least how I use it, is to stay organised and write notes productively and efficiently. If you prefer writing, keep at it! Don’t just switch because suddenly you hear lots of tapping on keyboards in the lecture theatre.

Play to YOUR STRENGTHS , enhance what you are good at, not what everyone else is doing. As always, you’ve got this 💪

Let me know if you have any questions, or whether you’d like any further posts/details about my notion workflow. I’m happy to answer any queries you have.

Speak soon,

Lucinda x

[platypus-mcslothman]

‘Well, at least we’re not America’ is a common phrase said by most people when political/racism issues or crises occur in UK. A phrase I am coming to discover is telling of how well the propaganda machines in our country work. The UK is wayyy more dysfunctional than America and allow me to detail but the surface level of known issues in our political sphere.

1. U.K. media ecosystem is… corrupt. Seriously, the older I get the more realise how not too dissimilar our media is to North Korea’s, except our media doesn’t work for the state primarily and will turn on it if it benefits them. You can look at how our media recently attacked Boris Johnson and then started pushing out puff pieces when he won a landslide in our local election for perfect proof

We’ve had phone hacking scandals, invasions of privacy, been accused of Nazi like language by the UN, have a state owned media outlet with political leaders heading it, anti-vaccine and now anti-lockdown narratives being pushed forward, think tanks owned by prominent right wing politicians and advisors being treated as unbiased think tanks, and more.

Our media landscape is predominately owned by 5 people. Rupert Murdoch (owner of Fox News) being one of the most prominent and also the closest to government.

The media in the UK is basically an attack dog for politics. It’s often been said no government will ever get into power without Rupert Murdoch on side.

It gets significantly worse when you begin to discover many prominent journalists are friends, god parents, spouses, and family members to our political elite. Heck, Boris Johnson (our Prime Minister) was originally a journalist for the spectator and telegraph (and an appalling one at that).

2. our police are well… corrupt. They’ve been involved in murdering civilians, brutally killing protestors and lying about killing them, feeding lies to the press about officers being hurt by protestors, assaulting journalists, and are involved in numerous conspiracies, and coincidentally were the only public service that didn’t receive defunding during and after thatcher’s era.

The most recent conspiracy involves the media too. A private detective called Daniel Morgan was suspect to have been murdered by two police officers with axes, who were originally investigating the crime, after he started investigating corruption in the police force. This case happened in the 90s and is now resurging after renewed interest. Strangely enough, the case Morgan was investigating later became known as the Phone Hacking scandal in the early 2000s.

Essentially the phone hacking scandal was the reveal that newspapers were hacking phones, wiretapping houses, and paying or blackmailing police officers to give them information about criminal cases. During this scandal it was also revealed newspapers were hiring PIs. More specifically the firm that Morgan worked for and even more specifically the suspected murderers who were fired from the police forces and were hired by Morgan’s old PI firm. You couldn’t make this up.

3. this is gonna be a running theme, but our politicians… corrupt. In a slew of scandals over decades, our politicians have been revealed to spend their work expenses on personal expenses (one politician bought a draw bridge for their manor, and many used them to buy second homes in London before selling them off at a profit during a housing crises), they accept other ‘jobs’ for private businesses (essentially a politician is payed thousands for a couple hours in an ‘advisory’ position), they’ve used tax havens (David Cameron, one of our prior PMs, is the most prominent example), they’ve lobbied after leaving their post (essentially they’re paid a lot of money to push for legislation changes that will profit a company which is quite easy to do when you have political connections, yet again David Cameron is a prominent example), and in the most recent disgusting display I present to you: the ‘my little crony’ model. A model that visually shows you the corruption in our pandemic expenditure.

https://www.sophie-e-hill.com/post/my-little-crony/

During the pandemic, our government bypassed competition laws to directly award contracts for PPE (Personal Protective Equipment), and test and trace. 25% of these contracts at minimum have since been deemed as questionable. They were awarded to businesses owned by politicians, politician’s family members, neighbours, friends, and political donors. Dyson was even revealed to have directly messaged Boris Johnson to change how taxes work so he could provide profitable ventilators when we were desperately short (which is worse when you consider Dyson didn’t deliver a single ventilator despite these changes). That’s not even an isolated story. There is a backlog of stories of strange and not suited businesses not providing PPE, not providing useable PPE, and being payed to make PPE at inflated costs. We’ve had sweet wrapper makers, jewellers, pubs, and a finance company that was only set up weeks before the contract being given these essential jobs in making and delivering PPE. The amount of money spent on these contracts is not yet fully known because documentation hasn’t been published fully, which is unlawful according to our Supreme Court’s findings.

In the pandemic we spent 37 billion on our test and trace app. The app was a failure and still is. It doesn’t contact people, a lot of data was lost because they were using an outdated Excel program to store data (which it didn’t store because Excel is not designed for that amount of data and severely outdated), and a lot people haven’t downloaded it because of trust issues caused by poor communication and initially designing the app to store data in a centralised location instead of in a means where the data can’t be accessed at a later date (as almost every other country did for trust reasons).

Now, 37 billion pounds is a very abstract number. Many don’t fully understand how much money that really is. Well, it could nationalise our entire electric grid in the UK. It’s 10% of the amount needed to end world hunger. It could end our housing crisis in the UK. and it was spent on an app that doesn’t work! Not to mention, the leader of test and trace is now being rumoured to be appointed the head of our national health service…

Heck, our PM was paid by one of his political donors to refurbish his temporary flat in Number 10 (our version of the White House). He spent £200,000 whilst he claimed our entire country didn’t have enough money to feed poor children during the pandemic. And even after he lost two fights with a footballer over the issue (yes, you heard that right), our government contracted a private company that provided inadequate amounts of weekly food. Below isn’t even the worst example.

(Note this a contrast between the amount you could actually buy with money allocated by the government and the amount given by the private companies hired by the government. They took may as well have literally have took candy from a baby.)

Summary: the U.K. is worse than the US exactly because the people of our nation and kingdom don’t see the ridiculousness and corruption that takes place daily and historically.

We’ve had governments spying on trade unions and activists, we’ve had kids being brutalised by police officers because they attended or were thought to have attended a protest, we have a bill that now is trying to ban protest, we have a media ecosystem so disgustingly inadequate they don’t hold government to account, and we have politicians who claim they could live off minuscule amounts provided by the state to the poor and disabled whilst gourging on state paid meals at fancy restaurants where they spend more than that minuscule amount in a couple hours.

There’s so much wrong with my nation and kingdom, I honestly don’t have enough words nor the ability to accurately articulate how disgustingly corrupt it is. We are not the United Kingdom, we are the Corrupt Kingdom. I could go on and fucking on about how unjust, untruthful, and immoral my nation is. I don’t like that, but I also am not going to be patriotic about a nation that kills the poor and disabled by not providing support, allowing a virus to ravage our society by not putting the needs many before the needs of the few, and who claims we can’t spend money on society whilst spending lucrative amounts on idiotic selfish things.

Further reading/references:

(this is my blog, I haven’t posted here in a while)

[passionate-reply]

Great Albums is back for a third time! This week, we discuss Dazzle Ships, the avant-garde masterpiece that was so infamously weird, it almost “sank” the pop career of Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark. Or did it? As usual, you can find a full transcript of the video under the break, if you’d like to read it instead.

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums. Today, I’ll be talking about an album that many would consider OMD’s best, and many would consider the last great album they ever made: 1983’s Dazzle Ships, their fourth studio LP. It has a reputation that precedes it, as a strange, experimental, and avant-garde album. And I can’t argue with that too much, when it has tracks that sound like "ABC Auto-Industry."

The most obvious thing one can say about Dazzle Ships is that it’s dense and rich with samples. You’ll hear found sounds ranging from a “Speak and Spell” toy to a radio broadcast from Czechoslovakia. It’s a magpie’s nest constructed of garbage and baubles, collage-like and conscientiously artificial. And OMD’s Paul Humphreys and Andy McCluskey managed to make it before sampling became easier and hence more widespread later in the 1980s, thanks to advancements in digital technology. In its own day, it was, famously, a huge flop, baffling even the critics, which makes it tempting to argue that the world simply wasn’t ready for it. Popular legend says that Humphreys and McCluskey were essentially forced to make increasingly soft, pop-oriented music for years afterward, usually at the hands of their label’s higher-ups.

Is that story really true? Well, I don’t know, and I’m not sure if anybody really does. But I think it’s important that we entertain some doubt. Regardless of its actual veracity, this legend is offering us a simplistic narrative of art and capital butting heads, and one that we see repeated all too often in music journalism. It’s a story that expects us to believe that experimental music is good by default, and the natural goal of music and all the people who make it--and, conversely, that accessible music is bad, and anyone who writes a song you can dance to is always after profit, never craft.

Ultimately, though, the most important reason why I’m asking you to leave this question at the gate is that it’s simply a less interesting way to think about art. What I think is truly ingenious about OMD is their ability to combine a pop sensibility with that bleeding-edge experimentation, and vice versa. I don’t think of Dazzle Ships as just an inscrutable, esoteric musical ready-made, but rather something capable of animating and enriching a bunch of otherwise mundane sounds. A word I might use for it is "challenging," because it isn't simply off-putting--it has a certain charm that invites you to stick around and work through it, and you don't feel like it's a waste of your time. I think the underlying pop DNA offered by Dazzle Ships is a big part of that.

In “Genetic Engineering,” the samples from that Speak & Spell are contrasted with a more traditional chorus, which rises above the chaos, stirring and anthemic. It’s a song full of friction, not only between these musical ideas, but in ideas about technology and our future. Like many great works of electronic music, especially earlier in its history, Dazzle Ships is deeply concerned with science and technology, and the ways they’ve structured our world. These guys wrote “Enola Gay” a few years earlier, sure, but there’s much more than Luddite, dystopian thinking here! Dazzle Ships walks a tightrope between romantic adoration of the promise of a better tomorrow, and the tempered uncertainty we’re forced to develop, when we witness the devastation our most horrifying inventions have wrought already. Something that helps sell the former is the motif of childhood: in addition to the Speak & Spell, “Genetic Engineering” also features a children’s toy piano, and prominently references “children” in its lyrics. And “Telegraph,” the album’s other single, sees fit to reference “Daddy.”

Touches like these, and the centering of not-so-new technologies like telegraphy and radio, carry us backward in time. Dazzle Ships has a sense of nostalgia for the technological explosion of the Midcentury, when household technologies were improving in ways that saved time and labour, and faith in “better living through science” was high. It’s not a wistful or introspective nostalgia, but rather one that taps into the bustling excitement of living through that era. That retro styling helps us situate ourselves in a childlike mindset: optimistic, but somewhat naive. Children are highly imaginative, and become enthralled with possibility, but don’t always understand every implication their actions have.

But, as I said, “Telegraph” and “Genetic Engineering” were the album’s singles; the typical track on *Dazzle Ships* sounds more like “ABC Auto-Industry.” The track listing is structured such that these more conventional songs are surrounded by briefer, and more abrasive, intrusions. They become signals in the noise, as though we’re listening to them on the radio--or ships, rising above some stormy seas. Several tracks, such as “International,” also feature a more dissonant intro, on top of that, crowding their main melodies inward.

Over the years, many critics have been quick to contrast Dazzle Ships with OMD’s other albums, but I actually think it has a lot in common with their preceding LP, 1981’s Architecture & Morality, and seems to me to flow naturally from the direction the band had already been going in. Architecture & Morality is a lively mix, with moody instrumentals like “Sealand,” guitar-driven numbers like “The New Stone Age,” and catchy, intuitive pop songs like “Souvenir.” Architecture and Morality proved to be their most successful album, when its title track sounds like this. I fail to see how it’s tremendously different than the title track of Dazzle Ships, which leads us on a harrowing sea chase, with radar pings quickly closing in.

That nautical theme is a great segue to discuss the album’s visual motif. Like all of OMD's first five albums, its sleeve was designed by Peter Saville, most famous for his stunning work for New Order. The cover and title were inspired by a painting Saville had seen, Edward Wadsworth’s *Dazzle Ships in Drydock at Liverpool,* which portrays WWI warships painted in striking, zebra-like geometric patterns. These sharply contrasting “razzle dazzle” designs weren’t “camouflage,” but rather served to confuse enemy forces’ attempts to track them, and predict their motions. Dazzle ships were killing machines that fought dirty...and they were also beautiful. It’s a potent, complex symbol, and it’s a natural fit for an album that’s also capricious, perplexing, and captivating in its uniquely modern terror. Saville’s sleeve design features both a die-cut design as well as a gatefold; peeking through the cover’s “portholes” reveals the interior, where we find a map of the world, divided by time zones. It’s yet another reminder of how technology has reshaped the planet, connecting the human race while also creating divisions.

Earlier, I argued that Dazzle Ships isn’t that different from OMD’s preceding LP, and I’d also suggest that their follow-ups to it aren’t all that different, either. It’s easy to see the influence of Dazzle Ships on their most recent work, made after reforming the group in the late 00s, and informed by the critical re-evaluation and cult acclaim of their alleged masterpiece. But even in the 80s, they basically continued the pattern of layering easy to love, “obvious single choice” tracks alongside more experimental, sample-heavy ones. Compare the title track of their sixth LP, 1985's *Crush.*

Even the greatest of pop hitmakers can't maintain a streak in the charts forever--it's not the nature of mainstream pop charts. Not even in the 1980s, when you could get away with quite a lot of electronic weirdness...at least for a while. Looking back and listening to "Maid of Orleans," it's almost hard to believe it was one of OMD's biggest hits. Is it really less weird than something like "Telegraph"? Perhaps they had simply reached the end of their imperial phase...whether they really had that stern talking-to or not.

It's not so much that Dazzle Ships isn't weird, so much as it is foreseeable that a nerdy, left-of-center band like OMD would have come up with it. Dazzle Ships IS excellent--it’s a Great Album! But it's good enough that I think it deserves to be heard and valued on its own terms. The album is too goddamn good--too compelling, too spell-binding--to be reduced to "that one album the plebs were too dumb to really get." I'm not clearing the air because I think this album is overrated, but because I think it deserves better, deeper discourse than it gets. A truly great album is great whether it sells or it doesn't, right? My advice is to never let art intimidate you, no matter how obtuse people say it is. Send your ship on that plunge into the dark waters of the unknown--you might find something beautiful.

That said...my favourite track overall is “Radio Waves,” an irresistibly fun cut that could easily have become a third single. Since “Genetic Engineering” and “Telegraph” live on side one of the record, “Radio Waves” is really the only “reprieve” we get on side two, smack in its middle. It really stands out, in context--almost like the opposite of how a more conventional album might have one out-there track that catches you off guard. Aside from all of that, though, the song also stands perfectly well alone. I have a real soft spot for music about music, how it’s made and transmitted, and “Radio Waves” is simply one hell of a ride.

Thanks for reading!

[madsraa]

hey! i can't get over how incredible your background perspectives are! i'm aware of drawing different guidelines for 1 point, 2 point, 3 point perspectives, but how do you get your art to look so naturalistic when doing so (especially for environmental art)? would you mind walking us through your process?

Hello! And thank you :) I’m surprised you asked about perspective because that’s something I’m constantly working on. Planning a painting’s perspective is always a struggle for me but I do have some tips that might help!

Here are the big things for me:

- Feel it out! Most of the time I just kind of wing the perspective which is terrible advice haha. But!! I think artistic license is helpful when working with perspective because then it comes down to what looks good - not what’s technically right. I start pieces with tiny, loose sketches that are usually never accurate when it comes to perspective. But I think that things like composition/shape arrangement are much more important than perfect perspective. And in my experience I think that if you stick too close to the rules of perspective, things might start to feel a bit stiff. That also kind of reminds me of the saying “don’t sweat the small stuff”. If something feels right, people will probably never take the time to actually check if it’s accurate! I should also mention that getting to a point where you can “feel it out” comes from knowing a bit of perspective rules and practicing from life/reference. Another thing worth mentioning is that you’ll probably be more confident about feeling out the perspective after you’ve built up your mental library - certain things will come to you naturally.

-  Use lots of reference!! This one is pretty simple - you can’t draw what you don’t know. It can be difficult to imagine the idea you have in your head without using reference and if you try to cut corners by not using them, you’ll probably make more problems for yourself later. And there’s nothing worse than having to make changes to the perspective after you’ve started painting!

-  Try setting up a grid on the ground plane. I think technically this point is the most helpful one for me when it comes to planning perspective that feels natural. In past pieces, I would roughly draw one in but these days, I’ve been taking more time to properly set up my perspective which really helps in the long run. I start with my horizon line, find my vanishing points, and then draw a grid using those points. I’ll have an example below! And for landscapes that aren’t a flat plane, I find it really helpful to draw lines over the surface. There’s also an example of that below! But in general I think having at least some marking/design on the floor to indicate a ground plane/form helps immensely instead of trying to arrange objects on an empty plane.

-  Along with feeling it out - flip the canvas if you can! And if you’re drawing traditionally, look at it with a mirror. Once you flip your drawing, you might find that a part of it feels weird that you didn’t notice originally. 

-  You can also create a tiny mock-up from objects around your house. Anything that you can physically manipulate and then take pictures of is a big help! 

And here’s a quick breakdown of two pieces in the sketch stage!

This one was pretty much felt out. The main sketch is suuuuper messy but I went with it since I liked the movement/energy. I had a couple of reference photos to go off of but didn’t end up using them as much - they were more for the general feel. This was a case where I had the movement and composition of the piece determine the perspective. I remember moving the horizon line around a lot but wanted it a bit higher so I could paint more of the ground. And I wanted the hills to go back and forth like they were woven, leading your eye down to the castle. The grid thing I mentioned before could also be applied to the hills here - warping the lines over each hill could give you a better idea of how they actually blend into each other/sit in the environment. And again just having those lines makes it much easier to place things like trees/figures/etc.

This one wasn’t too bad since it’s a level ground plane with normal 2 point perspective. I started with a very rough sketch which had the horizon line with that in place, I could then mark the two vanishing points and make a grid based on that. Then I started to add in everything on the ground and worked my way up from there. So before I even started drawing the wall of the temple in perspective, I wanted to make sure the grid on my ground plane was in place. The ground plane is great because it really gives you a feel for where everything should sit even as it recedes to the horizon line. And it’s super easy to make changes/move things around because all of the information you need to know where to place things like pillars or rocks is there!

I also want to add that even though I say I find the horizon line, vanishing points, and then draw a grid - it’s not always as simple as that and I rarely figure out what I want in one go. I’m really indecisive and it can take me a bit to nail the perspective I had in my head. So that’s why I start with a bunch of tiny sketches before I spend more time on a clean sketch and make sure to try out a couple combinations of horizon line heights along with different vanishing point placements. 

There’s also a helpful set of images by Thomas Romain on perspective. I always think about the last set of images where he draws the floorpan of a room, then transforms that into perspective and starts drawing based on his flat floorplan. Something like this is probably best for interiors/rooms which have more structure - but I’m sure you could also get it to work for environments with a more natural/hilly terrain.

And in addition to that, Matt Laskowski put out some great videos on perspective.

And just a little last note: I think there’s a ton to learn just looking at a bunch of different environments! I feel like no one really talks about it, but you can absorb a lot and add to your mental library just by taking time to look a little closer at the world around you. And that’s all without ever drawing! Usually when I’m not doing anything and am sitting for a while, I’ll look at wherever I am and ask “how would I draw this space?”. I’ll run through where the horizon line would be, how I’d draw a grid on the floor, how certain objects are distorted from perspective. And sometimes when I don’t feel like drawing or doing a study, I’ll look at photos and really try to understand and internalize what I’m looking at. So it’s great when you need a bit of a break!

And please take this all with a grain of salt since I’m no expert on perspective! But I hope that answered your question! If not, feel free to send another ask if there’s something more specific you were wondering about.

[elsanna-shenanigans]

February Contest Submission #9: The Search For The Feathered God

words: ca. 2400 setting: Fairytale World lemon: No cw: none

“This was the story of two sisters who loved each other very much and made a journey to discover themselves.”

“Once, when the world was still young but not so young that the gods frolicked without mortals, there lived two sisters. The names of these sisters were lost to time, but to modern ears, they might be referred to as “Anna” and “Elsa”.

Like all of the humans alive then, they spent their time with their peoples. They learned a craft, the culture, how the world worked, and about the old gods. For you see in those days, the old gods were so ubiquitous that their stories hardly needed to be.

The old gods were a different sort than the younger gods. They were spoken of, sacred, and altogether content with what they had created.  The younger gods had a fire to prove themselves that led them to continue to meddle in human affairs. Both sets of deities ruled together, for the sun and the moon bound them in creation.

In those days, humans were still developing their gift of curiosity, for they had yet to learn all that they were. It had led them much further than the people of wood or clay, and it would continue to. Unbeknownst to them, their sense waned when there was normalcy of living. People grew comfortable with the way things were, for that was the order seemingly ordained.

The sisters’ curiosities were a finely developed sort. The younger found herself with an ability to dream in the day, able to imagine all sorts of wonderful things. She was naturally drawn to living things and discovering what might be around every corner. The elder knew herself to be talented with lines and shapes, understanding how things might be made. 

They wondered most about the ability that the elder had, since she had the ability to summon cold and frost. They had at first surmised that she might be a partial god, but their parents were still there. Even now, their best guess was that she had been blessed.

What changed everything was when Anna decided to ask around to see if perhaps they might be able to ask the wise god. He might know why Elsa was like that. To her horror, all laughed at her silly proposition.

‘Nobody has seen the wise god!’

‘Then I’ll be the first!’

They’d shake their heads and shake their bodies with that hidden laugh of pity. Poor, foolish girl. She didn’t know what she was attempting or requesting. Nobody had found him in quite some time, so why would she?

Anna though, she wasn’t the sort to give up lightly. She would be the first, and she would find an answer to Elsa’s lifelong question. Elsa in turn was willing to support Anna’s quest at every step.

With heavy hearts, they set off from their home. The general air was one of grieving, for nobody expected to see them again. Surely they would be eaten by prowling jaguars or struck down for their insolence, or sadder yet, wander forever chasing something impossible.

Their first step was to visit the great city of Teotihuacan. Though they had never been, they had heard stories of the trade hub. So many people were there that it felt like a guarantee that they would hear about the whereabouts of the wise god. Maybe nobody at home knew, but the people there might.

They traveled a long while, for in those days, they had no quicker speed than what their legs might muster. Often, their pace was slowed by the mild ache of muscles that asked why there was a sudden increase in exercise. It may have been a blessing from the gods for this sluggish pace.

For you see, the sisters had none other than the other for company. Though they had always been close, this bond was only tightened with them being their sole respective companions. There were struggles with annoying behaviors, but they had suffered those before and thus found it easier to move past them.

There was a close call once, when they had heard a soft padding and the crack of a broken branch. That was their only warning, as Elsa’s ice spiraled around them defensively to  form a protective dome. Into the dome crashed a jaguar, with its ferocious maw spraying thick strands of saliva. 

It found itself unable to break through, though its every swipe made Elsa tremble and sweat with exertion. Eventually, it grew tired of attempting to prey on them and left, finding it to be far too much trouble. Nevertheless, they did not leave the dome for fear of being hunted once more.

Elsa was beside herself. She wanted to go home immediately and demanded for Anna to go home. Anna protested, naturally. They argued on whether to go or stay late into the night.

‘Anna, I can’t let you risk yourself for me!’

‘We can make it! I know we can, please just trust me!’

‘This isn’t worth your life, Anna.’

‘You’re worth a million jaguars, Elsa.’

‘No, I’m not.’

‘Please Elsa, for you. It’s not risk when it’s out of love!’

‘That makes it worse!’

‘But we’ve come so far. We will find the source of your powers, I swear it!’

‘But- I-’

‘Elsa. You. Are. Worth. It.’

Anna scooped Elsa into a deep embrace and held her there. Elsa in turn weakly hugged back, still trying to process what happened. 

Anna loved her that much. Anna loved her that much. Anna loved her that much.

Anna loved her.

Tears welled in Elsa’s eyes, and she could barely contain the liquid emotion spilling out. Anna’s eyes watered in empathy and they remained in the hug for a while. Sometimes, it was nice to be reminded you were loved. Then and now. Humans never did fundamentally change all that much.

The remainder of the trip to Teotihuacan was relatively peaceful, all things considered. The two kept the dome up for a few more days, but were able to travel safely after that. It ought to be noted that while the jungle was beautiful, it formed a monotonous, lonely sort of beauty. There were only so many shades of greens and browns and fantastic creatures that one could see before the eye wearied of even those.

It was because of that, that when the city appeared over the horizon, it appeared even more glorious in its humanity. The bustle, the sounds, the buildings, the people: all so very human. There were more people in this one place than they had ever seen at home. It seemed a given that somebody might know where the wise god was.

To their shock and mild horror, it seemed that people from all over knew the wise god as something different. Some said that they spoke of the rain god, or the sun god, or an evil god. All had different versions of what seemed to be the wise god. The only consistency between these versions was that the god had the form of a feathered serpent.

Some suggested that they might travel to Tenochtitlan. Perhaps the Emperor or the princess of that land might know. Nobody knew where the wise-feathered god was. Only that he was. They both often felt rising frustration at the fact that the wise god was among the old gods.

They stayed in the city as long as they could, but there were no answers to be found. If nothing else, they had only found themselves new confusion. Seeing as they had no other lead, they decided to make the journey to Tenochtitlan to meet those peoples and their emperor. Perhaps, perhaps.

Like the first journey, the second was long and tedious. The land was as of yet untamed by man, and thus plants sprung up as they pleased. Paths were cut into these, but the plants seeped their long roots into the paths in order to secretly reclaim them. 

Once more, the sisters found themselves yet closer to one another. Words were unnecessary to express the care they felt for each other. It was not quite yet something more, but it was not merely the platonic love that one might feel for a wonderful friend or sibling. Indeed, the line between platonic love and romantic love is oft blurred, but theirs had become near vanished. But that is difficult to identify when one might never conceive of such a concept. Or perhaps, shame would arise otherwise.

When they arrived, they were once more in awe. This time, however, it was at the gardens seemingly floating over the water, farmers propelling themselves in small boats. Indeed, it seemed like the very city floated over waters, and was decorated with bright accoutrements that accentuated its near concentric design. It was truly a capital to behold.

When they arrived at the palace, the two were greeted by stern-faced guards who regarded them with little care.

‘What brings you to the palace?’ asked a guard.

‘We come seeking answers,’ replied Elsa.

‘Answers?’

‘Yes, we are searching for the wise god.’

Elsa stayed cool, but looked faint. When asked later, she confirmed that she indeed was on the verge of nervous collapse due to the danger of being so far from home and potentially insulting an emperor. Anna on the other hand, looked impatient.

The guards turned to each other and shrugged.

‘Very well.’

The sisters were allowed entry into the main hall. However, greeting them was not the emperor at all, but rather his daughter, the princess Iztaccihautl. She looked wistful and distracted, as if her mind was far away. She gave them a look and asked why they might bother her solemn vigil.

They in turn, answered that they were looking for the wise god. She told them that perhaps they might be able to find him if they asked a rabbit who lived at the base of the mountain. He had spoken to a god in a cave.

‘And…’ The princess gulped. ‘My beloved has been fighting in the mountains. Please, if you see him, tell him I’m waiting for him.’

Anna patted her on the back. ‘We’ll find him. Promise.’

‘You will? Oh thank you!’

‘I bet you he’s already beat all of them.’

‘Yes, yes I do so terribly hope so.’

‘I know so. You gotta hold onto hope, okay?’

‘Okay. No matter what.’

With the information in mind, the two trekked off into the mountains. The terrain from before was difficult, but now it was rugged and vertical. The earth did not care for comfort and maneuverability, only that it merely desired to be there and so it was. Once more, they grew closer. They still hadn’t the words to express what each thought, but the princess’s word, ‘beloved’ struck both deeply. There was something about it.

In the mountains, they found a band of warriors. Brave, decorated, and handsome, they were returning with the spoils of victory. Though some were wounded and all were tired, they had not lost the smiling bravado that marked the human spirit. They passed through the group, and told them of the princess’s message.

As if by some revitalizing magic the leader, Popocatepetl perked up at the message. He nodded at his second in command with hardly any time between his movement and suddenly running ahead to reach his love. The sisters had a good feeling about the lovers’ ending.

After that detour, they continued their journey. It made them both think more, about what type of love it might take to run so fast, to worry so hard. And in both, it resonated with something deep within that they did not wholly understand. They had begun to develop a vocabulary and rudimentary instincts, but they simply had not yet realized what sort of love was between them.

Eventually, they made it to a tree that looked like it might home a rabbit. They knocked politely and asked if it might wish to speak. When it hopped out, both were shocked. Anna squeed, and asked when it got its ears lengthened. Long ears were perfect for it.

In those days, rabbits had short ears. But this rabbit, the first long eared rabbit changed everything. It had done the tasks necessary to receive a reward from the god living in the cave. Thus, the sisters offered him food in return for knowledge of where the god resided.

The rabbit happily showed them to the cave, which contained darkened coils. They had the feeling that finally, after such questing, it was over. They had found him.

The wise god opened one eye and peered at the mortal humans who were the first to find him in a very long time.

‘What brings you to my cavern? I am resting.’

‘I-I’m really sorry but I have two questions, O wise one,  if that’s okay,’ Anna said.

‘The distance you traveled and your bond… yes. Yes, I think it is alright.’

Anna gulped. ‘One. Who are you? I thought you were the wise god.’

The serpent loomed and drew to its full height outside of the cavern, a glittering mass of emerald scales and long feathers emerging from its head and tail.

‘I am Quetzalcoatl, the god of wisdom. I am attributed the weather and occasionally the sun. Ask your second question, child.’

‘Um… why does Elsa have magic? She’s just a normal human like me.’

‘She was blessed. It was a reward for the love your parents gave the world, and the one between you.’

Anna blinked. ‘Between us?’

‘Yes. You ought to have recognized it, strong as it is.’

‘I-’

They looked at each other, a longing gaze going between them.

For the first time with the god, Elsa spoke up.

‘It’s okay then?’

‘Yes.’

From there, the sisters turned to look at each other. They did not wait any longer for the veil of confusion had been cast away. They understood what it was they had and how to act on it.

Thus, the god went back to resting in his cave, and the sisters kissed away all lingering doubt or fear. They eventually returned to their village, and lived happily ever after.”

The old, withered woman finally ended the story. Her voice was now scratchy, as the children looked up in wonder.

They soon ran off to reenact the various adventures, and she smiled at her dear sister. 

She murmured quietly to herself, so faintly that even a bat would be hard-pressed to hear it.

“This was the story of two sisters who loved each other very much and made a journey to discover themselves.”

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Fic: Soulmate Survey Part 3

(Original idea here)

(Master post)

_______________________________________________________________________

Chloé hated this stupid app.

How is Adrien not on her list of compatible matches? Clearly the app was broken and not worth everyone’s time. She and Max have been arguing about it since he overheard her complaining about the app. What made the whole thing worse was that most of the class seemed to agree with him.

“...The whole thing is a trashy internet quiz only for people who have no lives.” Chloé exclaimed to Max just as Marinette and Adrien entered the room.

“It isn't some ordinary internet quiz. There is so much processing of data, use of algorithmic solutions that would take months to explain and you would not even understand a fraction of. I have yet to crack the formula. But I guarantee that it is more then trash.” Max defended vehemently.

Adrien decided to avoid getting involved and tried to slowly move to his seat, but unfortunately, Chloé’s vision noticed his movement and pounced.

“Adrikins.” She exclaimed in a saddened tone as she pushed passed Marinette to get to him. “Please tell me you don't believe all the crap about this stupid app?”

The model scratched his head. He noticed Marinette looking at him, he could tell she was curious about his answer. 

“Why do you think the app is not effective.” Adrien deflected. He wanted to avoid talking about his views on the app until he talked with Marinette.

Chloé gasped.

“So many reasons! For one thing the questions are these weird riddles that make no sense! Like why would I even WANT to touch money that is on the floor? I don't care who it belongs to!” Chloé ranted. “Not to mention it doesn't let you make a new profile if you delete it! I tried making a new one but it just gave me all of the same information and profile I had before deleting.”

“It is a countermeasure to avoid fraud!” Max answered. “Since you already put in your original name, photo of yourself and age, if you tried putting the exact information in, it will simply reconnect you to the old account to avoid people trying to cheat the system. My test accounts got deleted yesterday because they found out I used stock photos for them.

Chloé rolled her eyes.

“But most importantly is that it completely messed up my matches. Look at these losers!” Chloé showed Adrien the list, she had a few in the 70% range. Adrien did believe some of the guys on that list did go to this school. “Of course if this list was legitimate, you would be on the list.”

Adrien noted that as a point on why this app has credibility.

“Its just a dumb app. You didn't buy into this did you Adrikins?”

Adrien took a step back, looking for some way out.

“I... uh...”

Thankfully for Adrien, Madame Bustier stepped in.

“Alright Class, Everyone to your seats”

The class quietly stopped talking and moved back to their seats.

The designer was watching the model in the seat in front of her. What did Adrien think of the App? Did he want to tell her that he believes in it completely and wants to try going out with her? Is he angry about it and feels that she is now standing in the way of his potential relationship with Kagami? 

Marinette shakes her head, this was not gonna turn out like her nightmare from last night. Besides, Adrien wanted to meet her in the locker room, not in the library, her nightmare was now not gonna come true..... she hoped.

She noticed Adrien look back at her.. He mouthed the word ‘lunch’ to her. She could tell he was confirming their meet up that day. She gave a quick nod. Adrien smiled and turned back. The brief smile giving her a touch of comfort.

 I apologize for being late, their was a discussion in the teacher’s lounge about an interesting new phone app.” The red headed teacher confessed.

“Was it Soulmate Searcher?” Rose asked. The blond rising from her seat as she asked.

“I believe that was the name of it. My colleague mentioned that their sister was trying it out and has a date with someone they met on the app.” Ms.Bustier replied.

“Are you thinking of trying it out?” Myléne inquired.

“There will be plenty of time to talk about that stuff after class.” The teacher said with a soft smile. Though she didn't let on She was the one that had tried out the app and was in the teacher’s lounge messaging her date for Friday. 

As class began, in the corner of the room sat a brunette that had interestingly kept herself out of the whole discussion about the app. She looked at the app and at her profile. She had not answered a single question, if she wanted to match up with the guy she wanted, she needed to be careful.

_______________________________________________________________________

“Adrien! Where are you going? I really wanted to continue our conversation from earlier.”

“I am sorry Chloé. I am in a hurry, I have something really important thing to do during lunch. We can talk later.” Adrien answered as he quickly headed out of the class.

Marinette wondered what the model was referring to, she could of sworn that Adrien wanted to talk with her during lunch. Something important must have come up. Marinette got up from her desk and held in her sigh. Maybe it wasn't that important that they talked.

As she was about to head out for lunch, her phone buzzed.

 at the locker room 

Marinette turned red, she was the important thing he needed to do. She mentally slapped her self for phrasing it that way.

“Important message?” Her best friend cooed.

“I well umm.” Marinette stammered.

“Relax Marinette, I am just teasing.” Alya assured.

She went to her ear.

“Don't worry about yesterday, that is staying between us.”

“Thanks Alya.  You are the best.” Marinette whispered back before heading out of the classroom.

“Hi Alya.” a familiar voice called from behind the reporter.

“Oh hey Lila. Hows it going?”

“I am alright, I just wanted to ask if you know anything about the new app that has gotten popular. ‘Soulmate searcher’. I heard Max and Chloé arguing about it and I was curious.” The exchange student inquired.

“Oh its great! Pretty much the entire school is trying it out. Are you thinking about getting into it?”

“Well, I am usually apprehensive about trying out apps that give out personal information. I imagine Adrien and Prince Ali would be the same considering how popular they are.”

“Oh its completely safe. Max has tried hacking into it over a dozen times, their cyber security is solid, and I can assure you Adrien has an account.” Alya eased.

“Oh that is a relief. But do you think the app is just a silly quiz or do you think there is more to it? I wouldn't want to get my hopes up on meeting my soulmate on here if it doesn't work.”

“Well Nino and I have a compatibility of 85% as of this morning, so I would say it matches up pretty well. Ivan, Kim, Myléne, Rose, Marinette and Juleka say that the match ups were accurate.”

“Marinette said her match ups were accurate? Who did she match up with? I am sure they are a great guy.” Lila prodded with a faux smile that would fool most people.

Alya hesitated, she realized she was getting into some dangerous territory. She couldn't just reveal Marinette’s list its personal.

“I shouldn't be talking about who was on her personal list. Everyone’s list is only visible to them and it would be an invasion of privacy unless she told you directly.” Alya answered.

“Of course. I just felt bad that Marinette and I haven't been getting along and I wanted to see if I could help her get set up with one of her matches. Perhaps putting in a good word for her.” Lila lied

“Thats really nice of you Lila. but you don't need to worry about Marinette she will be fine.” Alya said with confidence.

“Thats good to hear. Please let Marinette know that if she does want help she can reach out to me.” Lila answered. “I think I will give this app a go. Thanks Alya.”

“Glad I could help.”

Lila kept up her smile as she left the classroom, once she was out of Alya’s sight. Her eyes narrowed and her smile vanished.

Marinette is someone who has a clear crush on Adrien. Alya telling me that Marinette will be fine with her list means that Adrien must be Somewhere on the rankings. I need to find out how high and Beat that percentage. But to do that. I need to find her list... or I need to see Adrien’s.

Lila smiled at the thought. Adrien was a much easier target, all she needed to do was find him, and then she can find out everything she needs to know.

_______________________________________________________________________

Marinette quickly headed to the locker room where Adrien was patiently waiting.

“Sorry for keeping you waiting.” Marinette answered as she caught her breath from sprinting.

“Its fine Marinette. I am glad you could make it.” Adrien responded with a soft smile that made the girls heart melt.

“So... what did you want to talk about?” Marinette asked with cautious optimism.

Adrien felt himself blush a bit.

“I was gonna ask about what you thought of the app. The one we were both using this morning. You know...” Adrien scratched the back of his head with his left hand. He felt awkward.

“O-Oh! Um, well. I think that its a bit more then just a random set of questions like chloé said.” Marinette starts off. She wanted to say that she believed it full heartedly, that it was as if cupid himself crafted the perfect matching system for her and Adrien. But she remembered the dream she had last night, she remembered how angry he was in her dream. She needed to know what he was feeling about the app. “Though of course its still updating! The profile could change at the drop of a hat while its calibrating. I remember Alya mentioning that it could fluctuate and any number set up now isn't set in stone.”

“Even if its 100?” 

The question hung in the air just as much for her as it did for him. They were both aware of their compatibility test score.

“I never heard of a case like this. Do you think it was a bug?” Marinette asked. internally thinking that he was not pleased that they were both 100% compatible. She felt her heart crack at the thought.  “Alya mentioned that she and Nino were only at 85% and they are super close. So... I can't be certain.”

“I don't know. It might be possible that something glitched out. It did only recently get a global release.” Adrien answered. He looked at her closely, waiting to see her relived reaction that she doesn't need to take this so seriously. Truthfully, he didn't entirely believe something happened. The more Adrien thought about it, Marinette did seem like someone that he could align with on a lot of things. Sure they had different perspectives and even did have some differing opinions, it made them both learn. If he was being completely honest, she was one of the people he is glad was high on the list. 

Marinette tried her best to disguise her sorrow from the thought of their 100% was somehow not valid. It hurt to think about. 

“But considering it was with you. I can believe it was a high a number at least. So it being 100% could be valid.” Adrien answered.

Marinette’s face blushed at his words. Did he just say that he thought she and him were highly compatible?

FUCK! I just said that I honestly thought that Marinette and I were highly compatible. She had given me the chance to dismiss this as anything serious and I messed it up! Why did I say that? Sure I think its true but she will be angry just like in my nightmare and get akumatized. Adrien mentally screamed

“It is possible.” Marinette spoke up. “ I can't see how having someone I already know being compatible with me would be a bad thing.” 

“There is also the course of the profile correction. We still have 13 more days of fine tuning our profiles. So things on the list could shake up, should you want that.” Marinette answered quickly.

“Thats true. No need to jump in on this too quickly.” Adrien sighed with relief. Marinette was handling this rationally, which made sense, Marinette always knew how to clear her head and look at things objectively. That was why she was so good at figuring out how to help people. 

It is one of the reasons I like her. Adrien’s thought surprised for a second but he quickly recovered and snapped back to the conversation to catch her response. 

“Yea... no need to think to much of it.” Marinette agreed, her tone a touch sadder then before.

“Yea. I am glad we both aren't overthinking this too much.” Adrien smiled softly. “I am glad we could talk about this.”

“Of course...” Marinette was doing her best not to let her face betray her feelings

Adrien turned and started to walk off before stopping just short of the door. 

“Marinette?”

“Yes?” Marinette jolted, not expecting anymore words from the model.

“After the profiles are complete, and if we are both number one on the other’s list. Do you want to... give it a shot?” Adrien asked as he tried to keep his tone steady, His face was beat red as he was doing something on complete impulse. “If you want to that is. You are free to say no.”

Marinette felt her face burn at his question.

“Yes! I mean sure. It is worth trying out.” Marinette responded.

Adrien turned to her. He had a soft genuine smile that made Marinette feel as if cupid had struck her in the heart once again. But what he said next made her feel like Cupid dropped a tank on her.

“Thank you Marinette. It would be pretty nice if one of my best friends turned out to be my soul mate.”

Marinette could feel her face heat up.

_____________________________________________________________________

THERE I FINISHED part 3 (I don't know how both Part 1 and part 2 got over 1000 notes. The notes usually start to dip after the first part.)

If you want part 4, please let me know. I love hearing feedback and it feeds my impulsive need to write. And I am just gonna say it. 

[officialleehadan]

Feather Bundle

Hello darlings! Today we have something really fun in store! Our first-ever AU Crossover! 

For reference, AU stories (for any series) are their own separate cannon, and don't nessisarilly tie into either of the parent-series. They are, however, SO MUCH FUN to write!

Today's awesome prompt was brought to you by Bradford! Thank you so much for your support, and I hope you love it!

Prompt: Vree learns about angels and demons from a very familiar pair.

+++ 

Vree very much wished he had never left Ha’reet. 

Genuinely.

Deeply.

On Ha’reet, portals to who knew where were not a thing that happened.

And now Vree was in a tavern that seemed to be mostly full of humans and human-Others. At least there were some human-Others in the room, and several looked even stranger than Vree himself in this company. At least there was that.

Of course, Vree also had no idea how to get back to his ship. None of his technology seemed to be working despite his best efforts. Finally, he gave up on the tech at all, and pressed his thumb to the little white scale Lady Hoshi gave him. It glimmered under his touch, tucked safely under his arm-band, and the scent of ice surrounded him.

Help was, hopefully, on the way.

With nothing better to do, Vree eyed the tavern, tucked his tail down between his legs, and went inside to wait for rescue.

Securing a drink was somewhat more difficult, but Vree had a habit of tucking change into his pockets in case needed it, and Ha’reeti coins turned out to be as valuable wherever-he-was as they were back home.

Drink acquired, and food on the way, Vree settled down at a table to wait.

An alarmed cry and a tremble of power skated over his skin. 

Vree, driven by pure instinct finely honed by his humans and their ideas of fun, vaulted his table and dove under the counter.

A portal, very much like the one that Vree himself had fallen through, ripped open over Vree’s table.

A bundle of feathers crashed to the floor, overturning the table and raising shouts from the taverns’ patrons as they scattered away.

The ball of feathers struggled and failed until it separated into two distinct humans. They turned out to be a pair, male and female. The male’s wings were bigger, and deep black with a glimpse of white among the darkness. The female’s were pure, soft white, but the edges glinted with silver. They seemed, in all ways a comparison of opposites, dark to light reversed on each other’s skin and wings.  To Vree’s surprise, they both bore large, feathered wings that tucked in close as soon as they were detangled, but didn’t quite relax. Vree recognized the posture after a long discussion with his own Human-Liara, who had quite a lot to say about wing-language. 

They were afraid. 

“Peace,” Vree said into the waiting tavern, and set his drink aside to show them his empty hands as he got to his feet. His tail bristled, but he managed to get his ears to perk up, friendly and inquisitive, but clearly not hostile. “Can you understand me?”

“Yes,” the male human said, a step in front of his female. His black wings mantled protectively, and he eased her back behind him, eyes glinting red with magic. “Where are we? How did you summon us?”

“I didn’t,” Vree said gently and stopped when they both tensed at his approach. “Are you hurt?”

“No,” the female said, fingers clenched on the male’s arm anxiously as she looked around. Her tight curls fell in her face, and she looked close to panic. Vree could relate. “Where are we?”

“I don’t know,” Vree told her kindly, one eye on her mantling mate, who’s eyes flickered about the tavern, waiting for an attack. “Would you like to step outside?”

He vaguely remembered outdoor tables, and anything with wings like that would probably be more comfortable under open sky. 

Strange how wrangling alarmed humans made him feel right at home. 

He was relieved when they paused, and leaned in close, not speaking, but clearly easy enough together to not need words. 

“You go first,” the male decided tightly with a glare for the tavern. “If this is a trap, you won’t like what happens.”

“It’s not a trap,” Vree said soothingly, and walked slowly for the door, which was propped open to the warm breeze outside. “We may even be able to help each other.”

“I seriously doubt it. If you-“

“Blake, he means no harm,” The female cut him off before he could do more than start to mantle again, and Vree hid a smile as he showed them outside to the tables, out of sight of the door, and the odd crowd inside. Fortunately, it seemed that two feathered humans falling out of midair was not the strangest thing to grace this particular tavern. “Thank you. My name is Angelika.”

“I am pleased to meet you, Human-Angelika. My name is Vree. Ha’Reeti.” Vree said, offering his species-name as was the human custom, and bobbed his head politely. She stared at him, but didn’t comment when he turned to her mate. “May I know your name?”

He already knew it, but manners helped a great deal when putting humans at ease. And really, they couldn’t be worse than Lord and Lady Petros. 

The make hesitated and shuffled like an anxious bird, before Angelika combed her fingers through his flight-feathers gently. “Blake. You said something about not summoning us?”

Summoning. Vree vaguely remembered something about summoning magic during a discussion with Lady Hoshi, but they had gotten distracted and not come back to it. 

“I did not. I have no human-magic,” he assured them, and brightened when one of the servers appeared with his drink, and several glasses of water for them all. He waited for the server to go, this time with a few odd paper scraps from Human-Blake’s pocket and a request for drinks, before continuing. “I was also brought here by portal, although I do not understand how or why.”

“Fun,” Human-Blake muttered, and glared over his shoulder at his own wings. They flared open, and he winced. “Blast.”

“I can’t put mine away either,” Human-Angelika told him softly, and scooted over until she was tucked under one of Human-Blake’s wings, dark skin and white feathers luminous against the deep black of his own. He sighed, glared, and let her take his hand. “Vree, you called us… human?”

“Are you not?” Vree hoped they were, otherwise he had just been very, very rude. “It is considered mannerly on my ship to designate allies and crewmates with species-monikers to prevent confusion. Most humans I have met also presented their Other-heritage upon introduction.”

“Huh,” Human-Blake muttered. “Angel, we are not in Kansas anymore.”

“I noticed,” Human-Angelika murmured back to him, and offered the server a gentle smile when he returned with their drinks. “Vree, I don’t suppose… you said Other-heritage? What is that?”

“Non-human Earth species,” Vree translated easily, and blessed lessons with Human-Amir and Human-Nerea on etiquette. “Please forgive my assumption, but most humans do not have feathered wings. Or indeed, wings of any kind.”

They had another of those wordless conversations, foreheads close together and wings nearly tangled. 

“I’m not human,” Human-Angelika said at last once they came to some sort of decision. “I’m an angel. Blake is a demon.”

“My apologies, Angel-Angelika,” Vree accepted the correction, and pulled out his notepad on instinct to scribble down the terms to ask his humans about later. “As to our plight here, I do have assistance coming, and Lady Hoshi may well be able to answer your questions. She is a dragon, and is very wise.”

“She’s a what?” Demon-Blake lunged out of his seat, wings flared wide. Angel-Angelika caught his hand before he could get far, and he stared down at her, before relenting at her gentle pull. “Dragons aren’t supposed to exist!”

“Lady Hoshi definitely exists,” Vree offered, and caught himself holding onto the tip of his tail, a cub-fidget he thought he had broken himself of years ago. “And she is kind. If anyone is able to get us back where we belong, it will be her.”

“You’re pretty confident for someone who got dropped through a portal into God-knows-where,” Demon-Blake said rebelliously, but gave in when Angel-Angelika pulled him back to sit next to her. “So. Portals.”

“I truly wish this was the strangest thing that had ever happened to me,” Vree admitted with a very resigned sigh and a weary thought over the rest of his life. “But unfortunately, this event, although alarming, has not made the top ten, and so far, does not seem likely to do so.”

“Even finding about angels and demons?” Angel-Angelika asked as if it were an oddity he ought to note. She pushed her tight curls back over her scarf and gave him a sweet smile. “You’re very brave.”

“Dragons were worse,” Vree mumbled into his drink as he took a bracing sip. “I don’t even want to think about djinn, and I’m going to have to do a paper on the Fae soon and I suspect they’re as bad as the dragons. So unless you’re worse than all of them….”

They were staring. Vree morosely took another sip and resolutely did not think about the convention in six months, nor the pile of invitations on his desk.

“I think we might need more information,” Angel-Angelika told him after a long while and a gentle request to the server for food, accompanied by more of what Vree thought was probably some sort of money. “So how about we trade you? Since you don’t know anything about us, and we don’t know anything about you, I mean.”

Information. Vree liked information. Information didn’t always make thing less complicated, but it definitely made it easier to figure out what was going on. Before he could reply, a gust of ice-scented air wrapped around him, and he sighed in relieved. “Lady Hoshi.”

“Vree?” Lady Hoshi’s voice rippled through the snow that glittered down from the cloudless sky. The snowflakes whirled and turned into a ghostly image of the dragon herself. “It will take me a few hours to make a portal. Are you safe?”

“Perfectly safe, thank you,” Vree said respectfully as his companions gaped at him, expressions of mingled wonder and alarm. “I believe there may be an instability of some kind. My companions are also from… elsewhere.”

“An angel,” Lady Hoshi said softly, snow catching in Angel-Angelika’s hair and on Demon-Blake’s black feathers. “And a demon. How interesting. Very well. I will give it my attention. Stay safe, dear Vree.”

And then she was gone, snow fading away without a trace, and Vree allowed himself a smile. If she had found him, she would also find a way to return him safely home.

Demon-Blake seemed to be muttering profanity. Angel-Angelika was finger-grooming his hair as he hid his face in her wings. 

“Since it seems we have some time,” Vree offered tentatively when they seemed calm again. “Would you tell me what angels and demons are? I admit, I have never heard of your Other-heritage before.”

Angel-Angelika opened her mouth, but another portal suddenly ripped through the air, and a black cat, covered in odd red spines, and sporting a torn ear, the mark of a long-healed fight, dropped through, already hissing. It sported small white patches under the chin and at the base of both ears, and glared balefully at Vree with red-glowing eyes.

“Sproot!” Angel-Angelika cried, and gathered the hissing cat into her arms, heedless of both spines and hissing. The cat immediately went from growling to purring as it nuzzled up under her chin. What happened? Is everyone aright?”

The cat purred louder and butted Demon-Blake’s hand when he reached out to scratch at the white spits, leaving a trail of silver hairs in his wake. The cat chirped up at them, and they nodded along as if it was truly speaking. Finally, it settled into Angel-Angelika’s arms, no longer covered in spines, but still watchful.

Vree tried not to stare. Staring was usually impolite.

“Sproot is another demon, a little like Blake,” Angel-Angelika said when the silence became uncomfortable. “We have help coming too, but it will take a while.”

“As you say,” Vree said, and tentatively offered his fingers to the cat. Lady Hoshi had several cats in her home, and had taught him the proper way to greet them. “Hello Demon-Sproot. I am Vree. Angel-Angelika, since it seems some time, would you still be willing to tell me of angels and demons? It seems there is a hole in my knowledge, and I would very much like to learn from you before Lady Hoshi brings me home.”

Angel-Angelika smiled, and stroked her fingers through Demon-Sproot’s fur, making the cat purr even louder with each pass. Demon-Blake unbent enough to lean over and press his face into the soft black fur with a soft croak that sounded fond. 

“Only if you tell us your story as well,” Angel-Angelika said with a wry smile and a glance at the sky. “After all, it’s hardly an adventure without a good tale to share when you get home.”

+++

More Stories!

+++

[need-a-fugue]

We Grow Together - Chapter 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC

Summary: Relationships can be tough, especially when one person is a recovering-from-being-brainwashed-and-tortured former assassin and the other is an overworked mutant scientist. But hey, every couple has their struggles. Right? 

Warning(s): some angst, some emotional and mental turmoil… some bad language words... much fluff

Author’s Note: It’s Christmas in July! This is the second in the Supernova Series -- an AU wherein Bucky Barnes gets the girl, and a chance at a new life after finding Steve post-Winter Soldier. -- and it all begins with their first Christmas together.

“Yeah, I know,” he hears her say, voice muffled behind the door. Then, “I know. I didn’t forget,” after a long pause. She must be on the phone, he realizes when no other voice sounds in response. He knocks lightly before letting himself in.

“I will,” she says in an exasperated tone as she turns to face him, showing him a one minute finger. “I promise.”

He sets the grocery bags down on the counter and starts to unpack them while she finishes her call.

“Yes. I love you too,” she intones with a slight laugh. “Okay. Merry Christmas.” And she hangs up the phone. “What is all this?” she says with forced cheer as she turns back to face him.

“I’m making you dinner,” he mumbles, as he twists around, looking for somewhere on the cluttered countertops to set things down. “This place is a disaster.”

She pulls up a stool at the breakfast bar, rests her chin on her hand, and watches him work. His brow furrows in either confusion or disgust, or maybe both, as he shifts piles of papers and empty cans and bottles to make room.

He looks up at her and notices a melancholy, far off look in her eyes as she follows his movements. “Who do you love?” he asks simply.

She startles a bit. “What?”

“On the phone,” he states, pulling out a garbage bag from the cabinet. “You said, I love you too.”

He starts to toss the bottles and cans into the bag. “I’m recycling those,” she says, pointing to the trash in his hands. “Don’t throw them in with the trash.”

“Recycling,” he utters under his breath. It’s still a new concept to him. Of course so is all of the plastic people use nowadays. “You shouldn’t drink this crap anyway,” he says, holding up a few empty energy drink cans. “It’s poison.”

She rolls her eyes. “You sound like Natasha.”

He ties up the now full trash bag and stops everything else to gaze at her. She looks down, has for days. The holidays can have that effect on people, he’s no stranger to it himself. But he misses her smile. “So, who do you love?” he asks again, an impish quality to his voice.

“Just a friend,” she singsongs. “No need to worry.”

“I wasn’t worried. I just thought you might be talking to your family.”

She sighs, long and drawn out. “Yep. My family.”

“Or is it just a friend?”

“Same thing, I guess,” she says before propping herself up on the stool and leaning over the bar to look at the food he’s unpacked. “What are you making me?” she asks, clearly eager to change the subject.

“Christmas dinner,” he says with a nod. He turns around to flip on the oven and begins rummaging through the cabinets of the small galley kitchen. He comes up with a couple of small pots and a large roasting pan that she honestly didn’t know were even in there. Pepper had made sure that everyone’s apartment was fully stocked before they moved in. But she’d been here for more than two years now and had never come across those items before. Of course, she didn’t often go looking for cooking utensils. What would be the point in that when there was a perfectly good cafeteria downstairs and a common area upstairs that was always stocked with food?

“Christmas is tomorrow. And I think Tony’s expecting everyone in the grand hall,” she says, referring to the small ballroom just below the penthouse where their parties were typically held.

“Well,” he says turning to face her, leaning his hip against the oven, “tonight is our Christmas.” He shoots her a sly but genuine smile and she can’t help but return the expression.

“And you can do that?” she asks, leaning so far over the bar that she’s practically crawled on top of it. She’s looking through the piles of fresh vegetables and herbs that he’s laid out on the counter beneath the bar. “You know how to cook all of this?”

He walks over and lightly slaps her hands away. “Yeah, Tess. I can cook carrots and potatoes.” He side-eyes her as he gathers the produce and takes it to the sink. “You really have no idea how to cook anything, do you?”

She shrugs. “Never really came up.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I never really had to learn.”

She never talked about her family or where she came from or how she grew up. And other than a few questions here and there – because he was genuinely curious – he never pushed. It was obvious that her past was a bit of a sore subject, and no one understood that concept better than him.

She leaves her perch and comes to stand beside him at the sink. “You wanna wash these?” he asks, handing her some carrots. She takes them and runs them under the water. “You know how to peel?” he inquires, holding a potato in front of her.

“I can probably figure it out.”

He sets her up at the sink with a vegetable peeler – which she’d never seen either, oddly enough – and moves to the opposite corner to start prepping the chicken.

“Your mom taught you how to cook?” she asks quietly.

He nods, “She did. She said that she’d feed me ‘til I was 18, then I was on my own. And since she didn’t expect that I’d find a good woman to take care of me for a long time, I’d better learn how to fend for myself.”

Tessa laughed lightly. “Sounds like she knew you well.”

Bucky smiles to himself as he thinks back, remembering his mother’s words, her coy, crooked smile as she said them. “Yeah, she did.”

“I never knew my mom,” she says so softly, he almost doesn’t hear her. “Or at least I don’t remember her.”

Bucky looks over his shoulder at her and sees that she’s still bent over her potatoes, hyperfocused on peeling them just so. She makes no move to look at him, and he’s pretty sure that’s by design. It’s almost a test – seem too eager to know more and she’ll shut down completely, say nothing at all and she might never bring up her family again. He plays this game himself sometimes, not on purpose of course, but he’s noticed himself doing it just the same. Over the last year, since being brought into the fold here, he’s become more aware of how his struggles with his past affect those around him.

“Who raised you?” he asks, turning back to the chicken. It seemed safer to ask something like his than to push her on what happened to her mother.

“My grandfather for a while. Then Scott and Alex took us in.”

“Us?” he asks. He hears the peeler hit the side of the sink as soon as he says it, and he shuts his eyes, mentally kicking himself. She was talking and now he’s gone and ruined it. Is this how people feel around me? he wonders briefly.

She’s silent for a long moment as she retrieves the peeler and rinses it off. “Me and my sister,” she says finally, the words clipped short.

He lets out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. Maybe we come back to that later, he thinks to himself before asking, “Who are Scott and Alex?”

“My brothers,” she volunteers, this information coming out a little easier. “Well, adoptive. Sort of. After my grandfather died… no one wanted us. We didn’t have any other family. And no one would adopt a mutant.” She stops for a moment and he thinks that she might be done talking altogether. He’s just about to ask something else, anything else, just to keep her going, when she starts up again. “Most mutants don’t see their powers develop until puberty. I was four when it started. My grandfather never told anyone. But… I don’t know… I was just a kid… I don’t know how people found out. But Scott found us, or we found him. We met in a children’s home outside of Chicago. He was an orphan too. And Alex.” Bucky turns around to see her, watch her as she slowly, carefully peels each potato while talking about her brothers. “Scott was 15 at the time and he was just trying to find Alex, who’d aged out of the system.” She sets the peeler down and looks up at the cabinet in front of her, clearly gazing at nothing as she recalls, “He took care of us. He became our big brother. And when Alex found him and said he was taking him away to some school in upstate New York, Scott said that we needed to go with them.” She braces herself on the counter and shakes her head at the memory. “It was more… complicated than that, of course. But eventually Alex was able to become our legal guardian – after the Professor pulled a ton of strings. And then… well, I grew up at that school.” She turns around to face him, not at all surprised to see him watching her from across the small kitchen. “Hence not knowing how to cook.”

“So it was like a boarding school?” She nods. “I always thought you’d have to be crazy to go somewhere like that. I always figured they were like the Army, like basic training, only with more books and tests.”

She laughs a bit and leans back on the counter before saying, “Sometimes, maybe.” Then, shaking her head slightly, “It was a good place. With good people.”

He considers only briefly whether or not to ask the question begging to be asked. “So why are you here then? At Christmas… why aren’t you with your family?”

She looks at him long and hard before saying in a measured tone, “Same reason you aren’t with your family. They’re all dead.”

He sees the pain in her eyes when she says it, but he can also see the resolute tilt of her chin, the firm line of her lips. She’s doing all she can to make it seem okay, to fight off the sadness. That’s a trick he knows all too well. He looks away, knowing he can’t do anything to take away her pain breaks his heart. “I’m sorry,” he says simply.

She merely nods in response. “So,” she breathes out after a moment, “am I supposed to cut these up now or something?” She indicates the peeled potatoes on the counter.

He pushes off of the counter and goes to fill a large pot with water. “Nope,” he says, placing the pot on the stove and holding his hand out for them. “Now we boil them.”

She wrinkles her nose while handing over the potatoes. “Boil them?” she asks with a face. “That sounds gross. Are you sure we aren’t supposed to fry them or something?”

He chuckles. “Don’t you know how mashed potatoes are made?”

She thinks for a moment, making a totally new, completely adorable face. “From a box?”

“You’ve got a lot to learn, doll,” he laughs, shaking his head.

She scoots a bit closer to him and leans her head on his shoulder. “So you boil them and then you mash them?”

“Basically. Add butter and cream,” he replies, leaning his head onto hers.

“We’re not boiling the chicken, are we?”

He smiles wide. “No room in the pot.”

She steps back suddenly, cocking her head at him in an assessing way. “This isn’t my Christmas present, is it? A sarcastic cooking lesson?”

“You were expecting a present?” he asks, unable to hide the coy smirk on his face.

She rolls her eyes at him rather dramatically and he steps away from the stove to stand directly in front of her. His hands fall to her hips as he presses his forehead into hers. “Presents are for later,” he says softly. “It isn’t Christmas yet, remember?” He pulls back a bit and places a kiss on her crown. “And I’m not giving you a lesson. I’m making dinner.” He gives her a little shove with his left hand as he turns her toward the kitchen doorway. “You are going to take a bath,” he says, all but forcing her out of the room.

“Why? Do I stink?” she tosses over her shoulder with a wink.

“I don’t trust you in here. Go relax.”

She leans back over the breakfast bar on her way to the bathroom and says, “It’s been a long day. You might want to check on me to make sure I don’t fall asleep in there.”

He glances back at her and notices just how tired she looks. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he says before throwing his chin in the direction of the bathroom in a shooing manner.

                                                          000

An hour later, she’s back in the kitchen, this time cutting up apples for a pie. “Can’t you buy this stuff in a can?” she asks before letting out a long drawn-out yawn.

“That’s disgusting.” He absently scoots a little closer to her, unconsciously drawn to the clean honeysuckle scent clinging to her damp hair. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that again.”

She snorts out a laugh. “Just because it’s harder doesn’t mean it’s better. I’ve eaten ready-made pie filling before. And it was delicious.”

He stops pressing the dough into the pan and turns to face her, a look of utter horror on his face. “You ate pie filling?” he asks. She nods without glancing up. “As in, just the filling?”

“It was college. I was poor. Those cans were cheap.” She tosses the last pieces of apple into the bowl between and them and cocks her head in his direction. “I had a can opener. I had a spoon. And I have to tell you, that shit is de-licious.”

He shakes his head as though he might be able to fling the thought of her eating that crap out of a can like a deranged homeless person right out of his head. “We’re never speaking of this again.”

They work in silence as she tosses the apples with the melted butter and sugar he set out and he checks the potatoes. It’s nice. He can’t remember the last time he cooked a big meal like this. And while he and Steve sometimes have to dodge each other in their kitchen while putting together meals, he hasn’t really cooked with anyone in a long, long time. Actually, this whole evening reminds him of cooking with his sister. Being so much younger, she was always at a bit of a loss for what to do. Like Tessa, she turned her nose up at raw chicken, couldn’t fathom how myriad ingredients came together to make food, and spent a good deal of time pilfering anything mixed with sugar.

“If you keep eating them, there won’t be anything to fill the pie with,” he says softly, looking at her out of the corner of his eye.

She holds her hands up in mock surrender and takes a step back from the counter. He hears the apple crunch in her full mouth and can’t help but snicker as she attempts to choke down the evidence. “I’m hungry,” she whines then. “I can smell the food, but I can’t eat the food. It’s terrible.”

He dumps the apples into the pie pan before she can go back for more, sets the pie aside and washes his hands. “It’s almost ready,” he says, reaching for her. “You’re being very patient.”

She snuggles into his chest as his arms wrap around her. “Thank you for noticing,” she says with a smirk.

It’s actually more than hour before they can eat, but that isn’t entirely his fault. Yeah, the chicken took a little longer than he thought, but she’s the one who got a call and ducked out for “just a second” to check on something happening in the lab.

“Helluva second,” he says to her as she stomps back into the apartment almost an hour late. He has the table set and is sitting there with a beer in his hand and a smug smile on his face.

“I’m starving,” she drawls out, dragging herself dramatically over to the table.

“Why is anyone even up there?” he asks, referring to the research lab upstairs. “It’s Christmas Eve.”

She slumps into the seat across from him, rests her elbows on the table and drops her head into her hands. “It’s Stark Industries. Places like this are built on people who work holidays. Well, people who work all days, really. Every. Single. Day.”

“I remember having Christmas dinner with Howard,” he says, a far-off look gleaming in his eye for just a moment as he grasps at the old memory. “I think.” The memory is fuzzy, like so many others. But he’s sure that Howard was there, sure that he bought in turkey and roast potatoes and red wine – damn the rationing. He’s sure that he stood and gave a speech that lasted at least 10 minutes, even if he can’t recall a word that was said.

“Are these my plates?” she asks, pulling him from his reverie.

He looks up to find her examining the china closely, confused look on her face. He reaches over and plucks the plate from her hands. “They were in the top cupboard,” he says. “You’re probably too short to ever been able to find them.” He picks up his dish too and goes into the kitchen to prepare their plates. When she makes a move to get up to follow him, he turns and throws up his left hand in a stop gesture, waggling his index finger as a directive for her to sit back down.

“I’m not short,” she mumbles, resuming her head-in-hands position at the table. “I’m above average height for a woman.”

“Well then maybe you were too busy eating out of cans like a hobo to notice that you had fine china,” he intones from the kitchen.

“No one says hobo anymore.” She’s raises her head to look at the table in front of her, see if the silverware is at least the same that she normally uses. It is. The wine glass in front of her is a utensil she is more than familiar with. She perks up a bit, noticing the light liquid inside. “What’s this?” she asks, picking up the glass and taking a large inhale. Oaky. And… peachy?

“I don’t know,” he replies, returning and setting a full plate in front of her. “But the lady at the store said it was good.”

“It is,” she declares, as the just-dry-enough chardonnay slips down her throat.

The corner of Bucky’s mouth turns up in a small, crooked smile as he takes his seat across from her. “Good.” He looks over at her and watches her eyes close as she takes another sip. He can tell that she’s enjoying the wine, and he’s pleased about that, but he can also see the exhaustion on her face, the dark circles under her eyes, the puffiness of her lids. “Eat,” he directs, more than a little upset with himself for telling her it was fine to go check in at the lab.

She sets down her wine glass and picks up her fork with an excited, almost beaming expression on her face. They eat in silence for several minutes, Bucky eating like a normal person and Tessa shoveling mashed potatoes into her mouth like a starving toddler.

“You’re gonna choke,” he says finally, laughing.

Her mouth is full when she replies. “No.” Then, following the massive gulp, “I didn’t know this was what mashed potatoes were,” she says with a big, dumb smile. “And the chicken too…” He looks down as the food in front of him, averting his eyes as an unwelcome blush takes over his face. “It’s soooo good.”

“It’s really not that hard,” he says, shyly shuffling the vegetables on his plate with his fork.

He feels the top of her bare foot slowly creep up his leg as she says, “I’ve never had a guy make dinner for me before.”

“Really?” he asks incredulously. Her foot continues to slowly stroke his calf, which only adds to the redness in his cheeks.

“Well, Steve made me pizza once. And chicken soup. Oh and we experimented with sushi one night,” she recalls, waving her fork in the air. “But I guess that doesn’t really count.”

He looks up at her pointedly. “It better not.”

“Does that mean that pizza and sushi don’t count as dinner or that Steve doesn’t count as a guy?”

“Yes,” he says simply, feeling his cheeks cool as the sound of her laughter fills his ears.

Her foot has made the move from his calf to his inner thigh, and while the blush of embarrassment may no longer be on him, another awkward-for-dinner-time feeling is starting to take over. “You have no idea,” she starts in a low, seductive voice, “how much I’m looking forward to filling my mouth,” she continues, leaning forward, her toes creeping along the inseam of his pants, “with that apple pie.”

Her foot drops suddenly as she leans back in her chair, popping another bite of chicken into her mouth with a smug, satisfied smirk. He rolls his eyes as a deep chuckle emits from his chest. “You are…”

“Amazing?” she tries, mouth still full. He shakes his head and purses his lips like he’s trying to come up with the right word. “Perfect?” she asks with a swallow.

“Definitely not.”

“Beautiful?”

“Not quite what I was thinking.”

She sighs long and deep. “Brilliant? Sexy? Smart? Loyal? Coquettish?”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“Honestly, I just keep coming back to amazing,” she says with a shake of the head.

He gazes at her from across the table, crooked smile slowly widening as she takes another bite and lets out a tiny blissful moan. “I was going to say a real jerk. But I like amazing,” he says with a nod. “It fits.”

“Yeah, it does,” she says with a smirk.

They finish the meal without words, just enjoying the food and enjoying knowing that the other is sitting right across the table. As soon as Bucky leans back in his chair, plate clean in front of him, Tessa gets up to collect the dishes. His hand comes up and takes hold of her wrist when she reaches in front of him. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t mind,” she says, flipping her hair over her shoulder and easily slipping his grasp. “Need another beer?” she asks, grabbing the empty bottle along with the plate. He nods happily and settles back in his chair.

His gaze drifts towards the window as she heads into the kitchen. “It’s snowing,” he says, almost to himself. He hears the clatter of dishes hitting the sink and cringes. “You okay in there?”

She appears suddenly around the corner, beer in hand, bright smile on her face. “It isn’t Christmas without snow,” she says, completely ignoring his question. She offers him the bottle and he grabs her wrist instead and pulls her into his lap.

“So what was Christmas like at mutant military school?” he asks as she settles herself in.

“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “Quiet. Quieter anyway. A lot of the kids would go home for the holidays.” She takes a quick swig of his beer and lays her head on his shoulder. “I don’t know,” she repeats before going silent.

He brings up his right hand up to her head and runs his fingers through her hair. “I remember snowball fights,” he says. “And my mom yelling at me about catching pneumonia after coming home with wet mittens.” He chuckles a bit at the memory, but feels a surge of sadness at the same time. Because it’s one of just a handful of memories he still has of his mother, and of his childhood in general.

“Will you cook me Christmas dinner every year?” she asks softly.

He can hear the hesitation in her voice and it makes his chest constrict a bit. They don’t talk about the future. He’s still not entirely sure that someone like him can even really have a future. And sometimes he thinks she feels the same way about herself. But there’s not a doubt in his mind that if he gets a real chance at a future at all, she’ll be in it. “Every year,” he says, placing a gentle kiss on her head.

She turns in his lap to face him. “We could go have a snowball fight, if you want,” she says with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “Work up an appetite for pie?”

He laughs heartily and she takes that as a yes, jumping up from his lap and running into the bedroom to find her boots. “It just started snowing,” he calls after her.

“I don’t care,” she yells back. Then, stumbling out of the bedroom as she struggles to get her boots on, “We can just take a walk until it builds up.”

He stands up and moves over to her, wraps his arms around her middle and pulls her in close. She hugs him tightly back, burying her face in his neck. He breathes in the honeysuckle scent of her shampoo, feels her fingertips grasp his shoulder. “I love you,” he says into her hair.

Without missing a beat, without even acknowledging that this was something new, something neither of them had ever said before, she grips him a little tighter and utters in return, “I love you too.”

[kathryncawley]

The Real Meaning Behind a Liberal Arts Education

Kathryn Cawley

The Real Meaning Behind a Liberal Arts Education

The Importance of a Liberal Arts Education:

A liberal arts education equips students with a foundation and multiple tools to prepare for a life long learning experience. An element of my education that I found to be essential to my development as a student is the emphasis that Union College puts on discussion based classes. Mark William Roche values the topic of discussion in classrooms in his work, “Why Choose the Liberal Arts.” He writes, “To participate in the give-and-take of discussion by asking clarifying questions of other students, offering evidence to support your own positions, or proposing alternative perspectives in the light of disagreements is to exhibit respect for other people and for the common value of truth” (Roche 111). Roche believes that a combination of curiosity and respect influences a positive learning experience that encourages the birth of new ideas. If professors are able to foster a comfortable learning environment, students will discuss new thoughts and tackle more complex concepts in the classroom. At Union, this is a regular practice. I find that when classrooms are designed for collaboration, such as having desks face each other, communication between the students and professor is highly encouraged. On my first day of class at Union College, I had my first-year preceptorial course. I walked into the classroom located in my minerva house and noticed that the seats were in a U shape. Each student was able to make eye contact with one another and it was easier to make connections. As a liberal arts college, Union has small class sizes that provide students with the opportunity to participate and engage in the topics they are learning about through speaking in class settings.

What Happens if The Arts and Humanities Stops Being Taught?:

The arts and humanities are key for education. Unfortunately, the humanities are severely underfunded. There is more energy and money being poured into STEM programs and limited money left over to support the arts. Without humanities, students would not truly be able to understand the world around them. They would be limited in what they know about society if they were not taught topics such as politics, culture and history. If history courses lost their funding and were not taught, students would misunderstand the world they live in today. Learning history is essential for seeing mistakes made in the past and applying them to the present and the future to gain a sense of past dependency. History is a necessity for students to have more appreciation for how far society has progressed. For example, Ken Robinson talks about the importance of the moon landing in his TED talk, “Do Schools Kill Creativity” (Robinson 2007). The moon landing would not be as important to society if the humanities were not taught. People would find out about how the United States landed on the moon later on in life and with a lack of context. Learning about the moon landing in schools provides children with imagination, curiosity and a drive to learn more about space and the universe they exist in. Stories involving history, culture, and accomplishments would soon be forgotten and life would start to lose purpose if the humanities dissolved because of underfunding.

The Meaning of Life:

The humanities help human beings discover their own purpose and passion in life. Schools teach certain subjects and limit how much exposure children have to the arts and humanities. I felt the effects of a restrictive education throughout my time at public school. In my own personal experience, I felt like the math and science classes were more valued over the other disciplines. Everybody, including myself, stressed about challenging math tests. I truly believed I was a terrible student because I could never achieve straight A’s since these classes brought me down. Education should inspire children, not discourage them from what they are interested in. Human expression through the arts and humanities gives a meaning to life. Arts such as movies, paintings and sculptures help students find the beauty in the mundane school day that society has designed. I believe that these subjects should be encouraged and required in schools. Underfunding the arts and humanities in the education system brings about a darkness. Slowly, art forms will be diminished because of the lack of proper education and tools to find one’s passion. The arts and humanities are incredibly important to maintaining a vibrant life. If these topics are more encouraged in schools, children will be more creative and willing to contribute to the world.

Keep Reading:

Learning is a life-long process. Learning does not just come to an end when you walk across the stage at graduation. People learn new skills and information nearly every day. For example, the political climate in today’s world is particularly interesting and constantly changing. There are opportunities to educate oneself about current events and doing so requires research and lots of reading. Reading is one of the most valuable skills a liberal arts education can provide. A structured education full of books, newspaper articles, magazines, court cases, and more forms of literature help to maintain a well-rounded college experience. Constantly immersing oneself in reading and keeping interest in current events helps to enforce a life-long learning process. Despite the underfunding of the arts and humanities, it is important that every person stays connected to their individual creativity and engages in reading. As a result, the chances of this field of studies dying off are lowered.

References

Roche, M. W. (2012). Why Choose the Liberal Arts? Notre Dame, Ind: University of Notre Dame Press.

TEDTalks: Sir Ken Robinson--Do Schools Kill Creativity? [Video file]. (2007, January 7). Retrieved January 28, 2021, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/book-dog-fairy-tales-child-kid-794978/

Image by Comfreak from Pixabay

[lavendersoft]

My Soulmate’s Soulmate.

Part 4

Soulmate AU-

Synopsis: Before you meet your soulmate your world is black and white, without color. When soulmates meet, their world glows with vibrancy. The reality, however -as harsh and uncommon as it is- is that you are not always your soulmate’s soulmate.

Pairings: Jungkook x Reader, Taehyung x Reader, Jungkook x Taehyung (poly!au),

Warnings: N/A

Author’s note: jungkook is kinda dumb for the sake of plot. forgive pls.

--

Her mouth fell agape as she continued to stare at him. Taehyung started to get anxious, she looked like she had totally spaced out.

“Y/n..? Listen, I know it’s a lot to proces-“

“A lot to process? A lot to process?!” She immediately covered her mouth with the book she had been fidgeting with, her voice getting a bit too loud for a bookstore.

“I’m sorry. It’s just- yeah! Okay? It’s a bit more information than I had been expecting. I mean, I’m your soulmate and you’re my soulmate’s-” She places the book back in her lap and places a palm on her forehead, collecting her racing thoughts. Her voice was soft and her eyes cast downwards when she spoke again “It’s just that I know how you feel. I’m not my soulmate’s soulmate either.”

Another piece to the puzzle.

“He told me years ago, when we were still teenagers. I’ve always suspected he’d find his partner. Actually, I expected it. It just hit hard when it actually happened. It’s just difficult, I've been dealing with all this for so long.”

There was something in her voice, the way her eyes seemed glazed over, the way she lost herself in deep thought, the way her hands tremble as if she could break down right here, it was all Tae could do to keep from crying. This whole situation wasn't fair, they didn't deserve this. Especially not her.

“This is all new to me. I thought you were just ignoring me because you were already in a committed relationship, not because...” his voice died out as he realized what he was saying.

Not because you weren't my soulmate, too.

Her face contorted in what seemed like guilt or empathy for just a split second.

“I had no idea about Jungkook. To be honest, I wondered why he attached himself to me from the beginning, but I figured he was just friendly.” He was only half-joking.

She let out a genuine laugh and shook her head as if to say “that’s ridiculous, you idiot.”

“I just always assumed soulmate’s came in pairs.” He finished. Her giggles died down to a small, sad smile.

“Me too.”

After a moment of thought, she looked him in the eyes with sternness.

“I need you to be honest with me. How often have you seen him since you two met?”

“He’s scheduled at least six meetings with me.”

There was a flash of melancholy that crossed her face.

“He told me he was working overtime.”

She didn’t seem surprised, just a bit sad while she nodded her head and eyed the hardcover in her hands. Tae wanted nothing more than to reach over and hold her hand, to comfort her as much as he possibly could. But he knew that would be inappropriate, considering the current situation. So instead he studied her. Her mannerisms, the details of her face, the way her hair fell, the curve her neck that peeked out through her oversized nit sweater, the color of her fingernails, the twinkle in her eyes, the way the light from the window hit her features just right, making her look like a perfect muse for a painting. She was ethereal. And he was falling hard.

Taehyung searched her face as he contemplated confessing his feeling for her. To some extent, she probably knew. But she didn't know how he’s gotten but a wink of sleep since they met. She couldn't know that he can’t bring himself to bear the thought of never being able to be with her. There was no way for her to know how weak she made him, how he feels like sighing when she so much as speaks his name. She couldn't know. He felt like such an idiot, falling for someone he’s had a handful of words with. Then, he remembered his own soulmate-paired parents and the story of how they met. “Love at first sight,” his mother would always tell him, “It was like a light switch that could never be turned off. It was immediate and felt so natural, like breathing.” His mother had always been a hopeless romantic, that's where he got it from.

He took a moment before taking the chance.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you since that night we met at the restaurant, Y/n. I’ve wanted so badly to see you but something inside told me that I’d never be able to get over you if I saw you again. And I was right. You’re even more beautiful than I remember.”

She finally let out the breath she’d been holding. She looked overwhelmed, which was understandable.

She met his gaze and for the first time, it felt like she’d actually seen him.

“Taehyung,” Her voice was filled with sympathy when she reached over to ever so gently place her hand on top of his own, alighting his skin.

“I think the first step is breaking the news to Jungkook.”

—

*Two weeks ago*

Jungkook sat at the tiny little not-so-busy cafe with a warm coffee in his cold hands. The weather had been getting so chilly lately. He instantly thought of you and how adorably whiny you get when your cold.

He grinned fondly as he plans a sweet little movie night, with lots of blankets and warm snacks as the fireplace crackles. He just wants to snuggle up with you while watching horror movies.

He brings the coffee to his lips once again as his thoughts snap back to the current situation.

His company had given him free rein over the cover of his new album. It was the first time he’d have full control over the aesthetic points and he was ecstatic. He had so many ideas rushing through his head constantly ever since he heard the news.

So many ideas, in fact, that he thought it’d be best to meet with a professional to find the absolute right path to go down. He didn’t know if he’d get another chance like this so he had to make it count. It had to be perfect.

It took about two minutes to find the perfect person for the project.

He was a well-established freelance artist that had worked with many different celebrities before, and his portfolio was amazing. Jungkook was impressed immediately and made the first call.

Which turned out to be the best and worst decision of his life.

He heard the bell to the cafe ring softly but paid it no mind as he was so lost in thought.

“Jeon Jungkook?”

At the sound of his name, he looked up to find the most handsome man Jungkook had ever seen. Dressed in all black except for the leopard print coat he had slung over his broad shoulders. His hair was a dark silver styled in loose waves, longer at the nape. Several piercings adorned his ears and he sported a plethora of rings with a simple silver coin pendant necklace. The man had already moved to take a seat in the booth across from him.

“I’m Kim Taehyung, we spoke over the phone? Good to meet you.”

It was all Jungkook could do not to scream.

What the hell? What the hell? No. No way, this can’t be happening! No! This isn’t real!

Taehyung hadn’t been paying too much attention to Jungkook’s silence, going ahead and pulling out different works and sketches from his bag to show Jungkook as references.

“From what you told me over the phone, I kind of went ahead and made a few rough drafts, you know? This one, I think, is my favorite.”

Taehyung pushed a piece of paper with beautiful different colors on it. Jungkook had to blink away the tears from his eyes. Jungkook’s eyes couldn’t even focus, they darted around the vicinity.

“Come on now, it’s not that good. Don’t cry.”

It was so good, so good. He’d literally never seen anything like it before. This was the first object he was able to focus on in what felt like hours at this point.

“I- I’m sorry I have to g-go. Um.. I’ll uh.. call you.” Jungkook new he looked absolutely insane, slamming his laptop and packing up in a panic.

To his surprise, Taehyung hadn’t looked angry at all, just confused.

“Oh, okay. So rain check, then?” He asked.

“Y-yes, rain check.”

With that, he ran out of the building, with a migraine unlike anything he’s ever had.

That night he had told you about Tae. He’d felt your heartbreak but had convinced you to stay, yet again.

Right before you two had fallen asleep that night he made you a silent promise.

He would make this work. He’d find a way to keep you from leaving, and to keep you happy.

—Two days later—

He made a phone call to Tae. They rescheduled their meeting. He kept it as professional as he possibly could. But he felt it, the pull of the Bond. He would have given anything just to touch Tae.

But not you. He won’t give you up.

He wondered how Tae so seemingly effortlessly hid how much he wanted Jungkook. I mean, he must be hurting so much, too. Jungkook felt a pang if guilt.

This was a mistake.

He shouldn’t have rescheduled. He should have gone with another designer for his album cover. He should have deleted Tae’s number. It would have been less painful for everyone involved.

But that’s easier said than done. Ever since he met Tae, it was almost like he couldn’t breathe if Tae wasn’t there. And seeing him again just solidified the fact that everything is so much... so much brighter when Taehyung’s near.

Jungkook is completely hooked.

That’s why Jungkook kept seeing Tae. Throughout the next week or so he scheduled so many meetings with the beautiful artist.

He told you he was just working extra hours.

Jungkook he fell deeper each time he saw Tae. The meetings became less and less professional and more personal. Jungkook learned Tae was from Daegu, that his parents were farmers, that he is the oldest sibling, that he can sing, and that Tae had the most wonderfully weird sense of humor.

However, each time Tae would crack a joke and send him one of those lovely smiles, Jungkook’s heart would clench in guilt.

Tae reminded him of you. The same odd, sarcastic sense of humor. The same bright smile.

He kept thinking how betrayed you’d look when you found out about these secret meetings.

“Hey, Tae, I have someone I’d like you to meet. I think you’d like her.”

If only he knew back then how right he was.

-Present-

Jungkook sat at his desk finishing up the editing for his new single. He’d felt so guilty due to all the time he’d put into meeting Tae behind your back. He planned on taking you out tonight to compensate. But that was before he got the text that made his heart drop.

Please meet me as soon as you can. I’m at the little bookstore on the corner. It’s important.

I’m with Taehyung.

He didn’t bother shutting his laptop or even grabbing his bag when he rushed through the door of his office.

He had the most gut-wrenchingly terrible feeling about this.

--

Taglist: @ourwhispersbecomeouranthems @fantasyjoon @ally22042000 @ireadfanficsonthisleavemealone @embrace-themagic @lexi-tries-art @ccmemoirs @just-call-me-trash-can

[mentornationpodcast]

2020 in America: One big “SAW” movie being orchestrated by a “mastermind?”

I am John Abbas. I am the host of the Mentor Nation Podcast where we bring world class leaders, entrepreneurs, and people doing interesting things and we get them to mentor you by sharing their journeys, their stories, and their best advice. Think of it like having a personal mentor every week who is there to give you a tip, a kick or an aha moment so that you are more equipped in your success journey.

The year was 2001. Leigh Whannell (Director of Upgrade, The Invisible Man) and James Wan (director of Aqua man) were in their early 20s in film school. Little did they know that their simple idea for a scary movie would turn into a global franchise doing a BILLION DOLLARS in revenue and would lead to 7 sequels and counting?

They would go on to change the Horror/Thriller genre forever with a concept that in my opinion is more frightening than any Freddy Krueger or Michael Myers movie will ever be. There is just something about a horror movie based on things that could “actually happen” that scares me to death.

The entire movie was shot by these young ambitious kids in 18 days with an ultra-modest budget compared to any movie released today.

The film I am referring to is “SAW.”

A Horror/Thriller that took the country by storm, many people wondered just “HOW” this film shot by young students with little money and very little life experience could capture the attention and interest of the whole world.

I believe the answer is in the plot and how it relates to us all on a very deep and dark level.

The premise:  An evil genius mastermind nicknamed Jigsaw, kidnaps a group of people, locks them in a dungeon, sets up a labyrinth of riddles and clues, puts them in an unimaginable situation where they have to make near impossible decisions forcing their true character to come out, and then they have to do unbelievable things to escape or they will die.

When I watched the film, I found my own emotions and thoughts stirring. I found myself wondering. “Holy Crap, What would I actually do or what kind of person could I truly become given a situation of that magnitude?”

What would I do if I had to kill a complete stranger in cold blood or else my own family would die? Would I be able to live with myself in either situation?

Would I saw through my own leg with a hacksaw risking shock and bleeding to death in order to escape being chained up in a dungeon where I would die a slow and agonizing death?

What truly interested me however, was watching how simple it was for jigsaw to create a set of circumstances that caused seemingly good people to do evil things that you would NEVER think they were capable of.

STAY WITH ME, You see,

One thing that I actually believe, is that there is a delicate balance to many of our lives, and as long as our environment is predictable and manageable, most of us are good, and we go about doing what we need to do each day with very few issues.

A very wise mentor of mine once told me. “Most people are good when things are good. If you want to see someone’s true character, watch how they are when everything in their life is falling apart.”

So what in the hell does this movie have to do with the current events in America?

Well, let’s look at what’s going on right now. It kind of looks like a plot straight out of SAW.

For the last decade things have been pretty good. The economy has been flourishing, and for the most part there haven’t been any world changing events other than the occasional natural disaster or the 24/7 coverage of Donald Trump. People have been generally good to each other, working together, and living their life.

Then 2020 hits. The coronavirus becomes the single greatest GLOBAL event that derails life as we know it in the blink of an eye. Months later, just when we think we are getting a handle on it, the George Floyd murder happens, leading to social and political unrest everywhere. There is a big divide now happening in a country where we are all supposed to be on the same team regardless of sex, race, or religion. Differences of opinion between friends are turning into severed relationships full of animosity. Distrust of our government, politicians, and the people who are here to protect us are higher than I have ever seen in my 37 years of life.

A simple post, pic, or video leads to huge arguments, threats, and sometimes, even worse.

Protests are turning violent, monuments are being destroyed, and now people everywhere are walking on eggshells scared to offend someone with an opinion.

People are going to war with each other over masks, race, politics, beliefs, etc. Even the smallest thing seems to push some people over the edge.

Doesn’t it seem like people are turning against each other, and the true nature of many are coming out front and canter for everyone to see?

Could there be an “evil genius mastermind(s)” or “Jigsaw(s)” out there taking these events and using them as a catalyst to have the people in our country turn on each other?

Even if something like this were possible. Why, would anyone want this to happen? Who would want this to happen?

One possible candidate is another country.

If you are reading this and you live in America, I want you to think about something.

The U.S.     has had the largest economy on earth since at least the 1920s

The U.S.     has had the largest economy on earth since at least the 1920s

The U.S.     is regularly and rightly so called the “Land of the free” and the “Land of     Opportunity.”

There are many other things the U.S. leads the world in but here’s my point. When you are the top dog at something, especially the top dog at something as important as the economy, influence, and money, you better believe others will be gunning for you and trying to overtake you, often by any means possible.

There’s an old saying that goes something like, “The higher you climb the pole, the bigger the target on your back” or “the more your ass is exposed” and I believe there is a lot of truth to this.

Imagine for a second that this were true. To beat the U.S. if you are another country. You can’t just do it face to face. David didn’t fight Goliath in bare knuckled hand to hand combat. The U.S. is full of smart people, the defence/military budget is 100 times larger than any other country, and has been for decades. The only way to win if someone wanted to, would have to be “very strategically.”

If you’ve ever watched the movie “War of the Worlds,” the story is that Aliens that have been living under the ground for thousands of years come up and start killing everyone by the millions. No weapon, missile, or gun can even scratch them, let alone kill them. Just when it seems humanity is about to be wiped out for good and nothing will work. The aliens start dying out. We find that it wasn’t a weapon that did the job, but a virus. A virus harmless to humans, as we have evolved and developed immunity over the centuries, but deadly to them. A microscopic virus caused the Aliens bodies to attack itself leading to their death. Isn’t that fascinating: The Aliens perished, not from an exterior attack, but rather from within.

Another issue that we are dealing with in the U.S. is the fact we are a relatively new country in terms of history and others know this. We don’t have thousands of years of history and tradition that we have built upon. As with most cultures in their early days, ours too was built on conquest, treachery, oppression, and often times brutal savagery. This is not a new concept unique to the U.S.

The difference with the U.S. from other countries however, is that we are much more fragile and so “new,” that many of the wounds of the past still feel fresh to people since our country as a whole only dates back a few hundred years.

Why is all of this important? 

Well, because in my fictional world, these events would make a perfect recipe for an outside country with the ambition to be the largest economy or power in the world to get there, not by conquering us, but rather by having us conquer and destroy ourselves from within. Not to mention it’s much easier to do this than one would think. Given an “event” or “some events” happen that can be used as a catalyst. (AKA Coronavirus, George Floyd, Donald Trump and election time.)

Unlike Jigsaw, who had to create extremely elaborate environments that needed to be well thought out, planned, and executed perfectly with zero room for error, all someone or some group would need to do here is feed the fire that has already started with more fuel.

What’s the fuel? False Harmful Information.

How do you feed the fire?  Spreading False Harmful Information Quickly.

Posting     false negativity on social media where uninformed people will see it,     believe it, and become angry based on misinformation.

Feeding     the anger by sharing anything and as much as possible that which is     relevant to the core of the anger.

I can’t tell you how many so called “facts,” I read, posts I see, and articles I watch that when I just dig a little deeper and do some research, I realize are so totally and completely wrong. But by then it doesn’t matter. The damage has been done. I look at the comments and see that most people are believing it and it has been shared 57,000 times already.

We all know people who get emotional and share things, regardless of whether it is true or not. But have you ever thought or asked yourself. Who first posted it? Where did it originate? What was that person/person’s intention? 

Think about how dangerous that could become.

With social media being global, think about how EASY it would be for ANYONE, ANYWHERE in the world to create content designed to turn people against each other.

My point is to compare the ACTUAL events of what is going on in the US to the premise of the movie “SAW.”

What if Jigsaw was another country or countries, and what if the intended target is the entire United States?

I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS THE CASE, OR THIS IS WHAT’S HAPPENING. MAYBE IT’S NOT ANOTHER COUNTRY, BUT RATHER JUST ANGRY PEOPLE SPREAD OUT ALL OVER THAT ARE FULL OF HATE, AND GET JOY IN PEOPLE DESTROYING EACH OTHER. 

There could be thousands of “JIGSAW’S out there who are just stirring up things for their own personal enjoyment.

Is it actually happening? Maybe.

Should we at least consider the fact that it IS happening? I think so.

Are the issues going on real? Of course they are. 

The problem is not that these issues aren’t real, but why they are turning into something a thousand times bigger. I think one of the main reason these issues are getting out of hand and turning violent, angry, and dangerous, is because of the sinister acts of bad people who want to take a bad situation, and make it infinitely worse.

To add insult to injury. If it’s true and it is happening, it would be almost impossible to know who is doing it, who started it vs. who is exacerbating it, and where they are doing it from.

It’s kind of like “Jigsaw” is also “The Invisible Man.”

AGAIN, AND PLEASE HEAR ME,

I am not saying all of this is happening, and I am not someone who believes in the million conspiracies out there.

What I want you to think about is. How realistic it “could” be that outside influences are taking the events of 2020 and using them to destroy a country from within. Kind of interesting when you think about it.

Have you ever watched an episode of Law and Order or CSI and thought to yourself. Wow that was freaking clever! I wonder if these shows give anyone ideas in real life.

If you do, then it isn’t too farfetched of a thought to wonder if “SAW” is really happening, only to a much larger scale.

To read/listen more podcast kindly visit - Mentor Nation Podcast

[aggresivelyfriendly]

Hi all! Here is the next Installment of the little au pair Harry ditty inspired by @papiermachecat, thanks to @chasm2018 for the brainstorming sessions, @emulateharry for the read through, and @dirtystyles and @bleedinglove4h for being my people!

To Be So Lonely

Home Not Alone

"Shhhhh," Victoria told the door as it clicked behind her; she hoped she suppressed her pointed exhalation enough. These were difficult nights, the ones where she thought she'd make it just in time for the twins bedtime, but missed it by just enough to be a distraction. It had been happening more than she'd liked the last month, being late for the routine.

The routine that Harry created with them. Not her.

Was it normal to be jealous of your nanny? Manny?

That was weird, her face screwed up at that. That word didn't need to be gendered.

"Your face might stick like that." The softly accented voice was her third favorite thing to hear when she came into her apartment. After Mateo and Maribel giggling together, the ding of whatever food Harry had ready for her, and way above her kids calling him 'Awwy'. Partially because it was annoying that they said it wrong. Mostly, because it came not long after mama and was said more often. Not that she was keeping count.

Her eyes had closed while she grimaced over her loud entrance. She blinked open and noticed the slight bags under Harry's eyes. She should send him to bed. Mateo had been on a very early kick, which meant she got to see him first thing, but also, that he was very cranky by 7 pm but had to be kept up for an extra half hour to stay on schedule. That half hour felt really, really long. And she only had to do it last Sunday, when the new pattern emerged. Then the work week had come and Harry had taken over. It was Thursday now. That was lots of tiring nights.

Plus the twins had tarted crawling. They moved faster than a two legged creature on four legs should be able to. They also tended to go in separate directions straight into harm's way. Victoria had decided to call a baby proofer this weekend, though Harry claimed to be certified. He didn't have the time.

Who certified baby proofers?

Her hand mopped the hair that had fallen over her forehead. Her weighted lids seemed heavy to open. She was tired too, her wandering mind proof. Victoria finally convinced her eyes to open, it took all her strength. Speaking of baby proofing, the coffee table had been moved again, so they didn't get stuck under it she'd been informed. Maribel had done it right before afternoon nap not too long ago, and she couldn't push up all the way under the mid century design, it had pushed her to her belly, and Victoria figured she had flashbacks to all the tummy time Harry instituted. The fit had been epic, he'd sent her videos. She wondered if Harry rued his tummy time emphasis in that moment. It was responsible for her early crawlers and their baby frustrations, which Harry bore the brunt of. She should buy him ear plugs.

She should get rid of the coffee table. If they started pulling up on that, and god forbid walking into it, she imagined hospital trips, even if it was pushed against the wall. She had a mental flash of someone losing an eye. Coffee tables were useless anyway. When she had a mug, it was in her hands. She'd never wanted it anyway. Her mom had insisted she had one; Victoria had wanted an ottoman.

"They busy today?" She pushed off the wall and walked to the kitchen. Her plate was in the microwave, since it wasn't next to his on the breakfast bar where it was when she made it home in a timely fashion. He waited if he could help it, so they had an excuse to not eat standing up in the kitchen. It was later than she thought, kids should definitely be sleeping well by now. Then why was he whispering?

He answered her raised eyebrow.

"Yeah," he huffed and sat across from her at the breakfast bar. "Bell was really fussy at morning nap, kinda kept Mateo awake, but then he returned the favor later. He was out by 7, but Maribel was unsettled I'd really just got her down when I heard the door click."

"I'm so tempted to wake them both up at the same time tonight." Victoria cut into the chicken. "You stuffed it? How'd you find the time?"

"I got it premade." She nodded. He continued. "I don't see why you dont. Seems like a solid choice with two babies. To change all the nappies and such at the same time?"

"I guess I can't get my mom's 'no molestate, tienen suenos' out of my head." She looked up and immediately started translating.

"I get the gist," he had a nice laugh. Harry was pleasant all together. "But, due respect," clearly tip-toeing over what he thought were dropped eggs. "your mom never had twins." She laughed and it brought out the dimples. She always had a soft spot for those. They inspired trust in her mind. It had gotten her in trouble with clients, because she'd assumed honesty. She assumed nothing these days, but she had trusted Harry and his dependable face straightaway.

He stretched and his sweatshirt lifted to show one of the tatttoos she'd not discovered he had until he rolled up his sleeves to do dishes one day. One day she'd have energy to ask about them. She'd even missed the hand tattoo at the first meeting. She must have been in dire straits. Right now she was too tired to even think about the leaves?

She could sleep standing up at the moment, entirely too tired. Oh, his eyebrows were a question mark.

"She did not, and I should have ignored her benediction months ago. They wake up much less now, and for shorter periods of time." Her forehead felt tight. She should wash up.

"Do you want a glass of wine?" His question interrupted the mental argument she was having with herself about washing her face and doing skincare before laying down on her bed. She'd recently got a new mattress, and it was, frankly, the best thing in the world. But, she passed out the minute she laid down. She had to go do the motions first. Definitely.

Wait, he'd asked her a question. Wine, at this time of night, by herself?

Her question must have been on her face.

"You just look like court was rough. You've been later the last few weeks. It'll relax your temples, drop your shoulders," her deltoids came down at his mention. "And, it may ease you to sleep?"

"New mattress does the work." Victoria exhaled.

"Yeah, I noticed today." He said nonchalantly.

Her brow knit. "You were in my bed?" He never gave her sketch vibes. Weird, that's why you couldn't trust dimples.

His already big eyes were huge, "yeahs sorry! weird,I know. I was super desperate with Mateo, that tooth is really bugging him. and they were keeping each other up, so I separated them. I had to grab wipes from in there, and it...damn. I really have no good explanation." He shrugged. "It looked really inviting."

She laughed. It did, that was purposeful. So she would stay there when her insomnia kicked in or when the babies woke up. Made it was easy to wait the 10 minutes to see if they settled themselves. Slowly stretching that time out would be easier and easier in the sanctuary she'd made the bed a centerpiece of.

He relaxed, "Whew, thought I may lose my job."

"Unemployment sucks, no worries, you're safe."

"I mean, yeah, but I'd miss the twins, and..." He shook his head. He'd need to find a place and he'd be out a job, those were good reasons, but less sweet and more obvious than Harry tended to be. "Anyway, glass of wine?"

What exactly was he offering? With him in the kitchen, or a sad drink in her bed alone? Victoria wasn't sure which. She thought he may have offered her wine last week too. This case must be killing her if her nanny was worried about her.

Should only be a bit longer. She hoped.

"No, but thanks, really Harry. But I think we may both do better with sleep." She smiled

"Another time then." his voice was thin over the distance. She heard it as she headed to her bedchamber.

She clicked on her monitor, though she'd given Harry the farther room, so she could hear the babies through the wall. It made it easier to tell if they were really awake of just stirring. Harry didn't need the monitor or proximity during the day. She let him sleep at night. He didn't make breast milk, and needed the sleep to chase them all day.

She drifted to sleep with the taste of wine in her mouth and a pleasant new smell in her nostrils

🌲🌲🌲🌲

"Vee!" He tried to keep his voice level, and he'd already resorted to a new level of desperate with the voicemail. Who listened to voicemail these days? No one. Except Vee. "Give me a call soon as you get this!"

Actually, she talked on the phone more than any person he knew. Usually, it was for work, or to her mom. But she seemed to talk to old friends from college and Texas, which she referred to like it was a time in her life instead of a place, on the regular.

Her mom, she talked to her mom several times a day he had noticed, usually in Spanish so rapid fire he couldn't even catch the words he knew. Though he really only knew pidgeon French.

He liked hearing her Spanish better, he thought maybe he should learn it, so he could talk to the twins in it.

Without discussing it, they had split up language duties. Victoria only spoke to them in Spanish, he took English. But he was with them when they were awake more.

He knew she secretly hated that, the only times she'd ever really mentioned it, her long hours away, it had to do with Spanish, and how she wished she had more than nights and weekends to teach them.

She wished she had more than nights and weekends with them. He could tell her career had been her baby before the babies. Now she was stuck in the middle, walking a fine line between her own ambition and her desire.

He should help with the Spanish, may kill some mom guilt. If he learned to help her. Or would it induce more? Women were complicated.

But, mental workout over, she talked on the phone, so he was hoping she'd see he called, which he never did, and know to call back.

He was thinking he needed to take Maribel to the emergency room. She'd been a little warm when she woke up, late, and then she just got hotter.

Then she was puking. Mateo seemed to sense he needed to be an angel that day and did just that. He was spinning away in his play saucer while Harry frantically walked his sister while she cried. She had thrown her water on the floor every time he tried to get her to sip on it, and the look she'd given the popsicle, he was surprised it stayed frozen. Wow! Fireball.

He loved it! Except when he had to parent it. Help parent it.

He wondered if Vee looked like that in court?

The popsicle cooled him down, he wished Maribel would try it.

Should he call again? Just bundle the kids into the car? He had all of the things, the insurance and the affidavit, and car seats put in correctly. Except, he felt like if Vee came home to an empty house she would freak.

"Harry?" She sounded distracted, maybe just that bit worried. That shade of gray her voice got "Everything ok?"

"Um, well, yes and no. Maribel has a temp of 103,—"

"Oh my god! Is she ok?"

"She's weepy and tired and she's thrown up a few times-"

"I'm coming home."

"Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea." He heard 'oh my god' and shuffling paper in her background. "But I think we should meet is at the urgent care on Washington? Her fever isn't responding to meds." He tried to keep the worry out of his voice. He wouldn't be concerned, kids got fevers all the time, but for that. The baby had taken the medicine, begrudgingly, over an hour ago, and she was still getting hotter. But, that was a detail he could share with Vee later, after, when everybody was ok. She'd freak out even more that she was about to. And then be consumed with extra guilt, and he didn't want her to feel like that.

He could hear the ding of an elevator.

"I might lose you, I'll call you back."

"I've got to get out of the house—"

"Oh, ok, just text me if you-"

"I'll call you from the car?"

He liked that she sighed in relief. "Please."

"Of course." He went to hang up, but first said "She's gonna be fine, kids get sick all the time."

"How do you know?" Oh, the lawyer voice, he may have overstepped. "You don't have kids."

"Ouch," slipped out and he heard her suck in a breath. "I don't, but I love yours, and this isn't my first nanny gig." He chose not to remind her that he had more experience with kids, on paper, than she did. She hung up then after a soft "yeah."

He frowned, he hadn't meant to incite the lioness. He worried about it for almost an hour while he tried to keep both kids from touching anything in the emergency room.

Her cheeks were flushed when she rushed in the door that opened like theater curtains. He had only seen that color the first week she had insisted on taking running back up. It was like a month in to him working for her. She walked out the door confidently.

"Take it easy, yeah? Your body's been through something," he had suggested gently.

"Pfft, I ran until they induced me." She may have rolled her eyes.

Then she came in like a hurricane popping back over the ocean to get more moisture to dump over a neighboring city. She drank water like it too.

He did not say 'I told you so', he did not need to.

"If you mention going easy, so help me..." She said between her second and third glasses.

He zipped his lips and picked up Mateo. He must need a diaper change by now. Then he had told the little guy how lovely and silly his mum was.

This was a less amusing flush to her cheeks.

Shit! She might have run here.

"Fucking Uber driver." She cursed and he laughed and jokingly covered Maribel's ears. Well he hovered his hands over her ears, she'd fallen asleep. It wasn't restful, but he was not going to disrupt the dribble she had started leaving on his shoulder. Mateo sat on a blanket at his feet. Harry had bracketed it with his legs to keep him within its lines. Luckily, Teo was very interested in the shape sorter that had delighted countless generations, because that floor was infectious. Harry was doing his best to keep the boy off of it.

"What happened with the driver?" He was still chuckling. Her ire was his favorite. Well, after her delight at the babies.

"I told him how I wanted to go, but he said 'Waze and driving all the time say this way.'" And I said, "Fuck waze, I used to walk this in college and this road backs up horribly in the next twenty minutes."

"Did he listen?" He knew the answer, he just wanted her to tell him.

"No! The Puto!" She sat next to him and tucked Mateo's chin and silhouetted Maribel's curls. She exhaled a little bit then. But fussed a little bit more, now for the sake of story telling rather than real frustrations. "And he messed up my rating!"

"Did you cuss at him a lot?" He already knew that answer too.

"Of course! Because I was right and he needed to say it." He knew he was grinning. The little smile that started backwards, with her eyes before it spread to her mouth, when she caught his amusement told him so.

"De la Rosa?" The triage nurse called. And both of their heads swiveled like a meerkat on the plain.

"But, I suppose it was better to wait in traffic than here. I saved myself some drool and energy, sticking you with the babies." She slapped a smile on her face.

"Wasn't" he caught her eye to say.

"I know." And she picked up Mateo and scooped the four corners of the blanket while blazing the trail to the curtained room they were in until 3am.

🛌🛌🛌🛌🛌🛌

"This is weird, yeah?" He asked.

"Listen Goldilocks, you've already been sleeping in my bed, don't act like you're not excited." She must be punch drunk to be teasing him about their kitchen conversation. 4:00 was an ungodly hour by any rights, especially at a pharmacy where the workers are half asleep. Seeing the wrong side of 5 made you desperate, which explained their current arrangement.

Their bodies had formed brackets around Maribel like she was the primary number in their equation. She was. And Mateo. He'd never have been here but for her needing a bit of help with the twins. Maribel had napped on and off during their time at the emergency room. She'd been sleeping best on his or Vee's chest. He'd had to dislodge her from her mum to place her in her car seat. It did not go over well. Maribel had favored them with her best high notes the whole drive home. So Mateo was awake as well. He was easy enough to get down, they just had to get home.

Their steps were slow. He had Teo and she had Mari, it was easy enough to keep the division. They wordlessly agreed to keep them separate. He followed her down the hallway after carelessly leaving everything but the babies and the medicine in the living room.

"Vee." He whispered and motioned with his head to his awkwardly extended hand. She nodded, took the step closer to retrieve the paper packet before leaving him to it at the nursery door.

Teo was tired and Harry only had to dance him a bit before he lay him down.

Harry pressed his hand to the sweet tummy for just a few minutes for good measure, but he was out like a popped bulb.

Harry could hear the fussing as soon as he left the nursery door frame, the closing a soft snick behind him. Maribel was still awake and so overtired her cry was more a pathetic whimper. Or maybe that was Vee's soothing sounds.

"I remember when I used to stay up for 24 hours on purpose!" She whispered when he came near enough to hear. "Do you ever mourn all of the sleep you gave up before?"

"Think I'm still too close to the staying up on purpose phase."

"Ah, I forget how young you are." She pursed her lips and it threw the lines of her face into stark relief in the morning light sneaking through her blinds.

"Hey, I turn 30 soon."

"Oh yes, so grown up." She smiled sleepily and the expression highlighted the 10 years she had on him.

"Let me take her. You worked all day yesterday." He could feel the bleeding heart in his eyes.

"So did you." She reminded him.

"Yeah, but I just had to make two wonderful babes smile and keep them clean and fed. You fought for someone along with the patriarchy."

"The patriarchy?"

He shrugged and shifted the baby over. She let him. "I just imagine you as the only woman standing in the courtroom."

She blinked. "I'm not always." She started rubbing Maribel's back, and the baby's whimper ceased.

"But often enough," he whispered. They looked at each, their eyes going wide moments later when they realized the baby was sleeping. Vee carefully removed her hand and Mari stirred, mewled.

Harry motioned with his chin and she replaced her hand. They stood breathless, rocking in the same slow rhythm for long moments.

"I think she's really out." Vee said after 15 min. "But I'm afraid for you to lay her down."

"I'll lay down with you guys at first?" He raised his brow.

"Yeah, yeah, ok." He could see her desperation, the call of sleep.

"I'll leave soon as I can. You need sleep."

"So do you." She cocked her head to the side.

He ninjaed his way down to the bed and was thankful he'd gone down to his tee shirt and had worn trousers. He hadn't slept in Jeans since undergrad, he was unwilling to take the habit back up. Maribel moved a bit, but she curled her little body into him and got hold of his earlobe like she did when her sleep was gonna get deep.

"She's got my ear." Harry whispered. They'd found it disrupted her when you dislodged her hold.

Vee tightened her face. "Damn, she's got my pinky." She used to do that to Mateo when they shared a blanket. When he rolled away, she always woke up. It occurred to Harry that Maribel was not a good sleeper, now he was tired enough to be grumpy about it. "I think you're stuck here." Vee opened her big brown eyes and looked up at him from her drowsy lashes.

"Yeah, looks like." He tried to inject some regret in his voice.

And that was how they found themselves forming a cocoon around the sprawled out baby whispering across a shared pillow.

"Can you pull more blanket from the side of the bed? I want to pull it down away from her face, but my shoulders are cold." She sighed with closed lids. "I already feel guilty enough she sleeps on her tummy."

"She started that as soon as she could roll over. And we both got more sleep for it." He adjusted the blanket.

"I know," trickled out slowly. "But it makes me worry."

"I know." He brushed her hair off her face where it had fallen before he could catch himself. Her eyes dragged open. "Vee," he caught her ear lobe between his fingers. "Stop worrying, go to sleep."

"Yeah, yeah, stop worrying, he says." She chuckled and he slid his errant touch away without mention. "But sleep, I can do."

Harry woke up hours later. The sun was using all its cold power to push through the wooden slats. The day would be freezing with that amount of sunshine. That had been a news flash when he'd moved here. Sun like that in the winter equaled brr. But his circadian rhythm insisted he also rise and shine.

He didn't want to wake either female in the bed. Maribel had released his earlobe in her rustling, so he was clear there. But the anchor was stronger in the hand laced with his.

Harry was sad to let it go, but he looked back from the door and congratulated himself on not disturbing them. The warmth of his hand, that was anything but upsetting as he set about checking on Teo and cooking breakfast.

It may be cold outside, but they were snug in here.