#late dx is valid

[higheverweave]

Also like seriously consider if Diagnosis is safe or right for you Diagnosed between 4-5 years old Self Dx is valid and most folks who are Dxed legit dont have anything against self dx for the above reason But Bigger issue Why is Diagnosis required to access autistic social spaces?? ^^^^ Thats the real question. Like grew up autistic have no problem with you folks joining us. (So long as you don’t like use your privilege to speak over issues that are specific to diagnosis (legal shit like not being able to marry due to insurance,mental competency tests etc. (Also no you cant be like yep Im going to reclaim the RwordNo Nope No even folks who are diagnosed shouldn’t use that word as like our elders who are still alive who survived Asylums and Being called the Rword to force sterilization which is still very much happening.)

But I will Say this as well Consider being diagnosed Carefully as Diagnosis comes with a different Ball game of Legal oppression. (Not to shame. Just to let you know what most folks don’t beforehand If any of us has a choice to be and live without barriers …. None of us are going to judge you for being like I am autistic but I recognize official Dx would add stigma I don’t deserve.) We genuinely want you all to live your best lives.

•If you are diagnosed with a disability under the age of 22 Insurance dictates wether or not you will be allowed to marry.

•People if they know you are Asd or disabled will use that as a weapon to invalidate things you know and celebrate about your own identity… (Many Autistics are Lgbtq+ and or Trans people use Asd to be like “well they cant actually know they are _____ .”)

•Forced poverty is very real. If you choose not to dx thats ok! Barriers are real and we get if you weigh the options and decide against it

If you are self diagnosed there are things its 200% chill to advocate on Things

Like sensory overload

Medical comorbidities

But Autistic culture is starting to get a reputation of canceling people too

Which Autism Parents for example

Many Autism Parents are also Autistic alot of the harm they do is thier own internalized Abelism and oppression fighting isnt always the best way to help them understand themselves and their autistic family members better.

Also alot of folks who are the most anti autistic can be folks with internalized abelism. Its super real.

Sometimes not being diagnosed is a privilege to to forced or unconsentual ABA done without parent or individual permission.

But also like If you want to advocate come to some autistic social spaces or start some.

Theres exposure that is hard to get without a diagnosis (So there are some informal groups and ways of getting exposure. And most of us love You all!

Genuinely we are excited to have you join us we are excited to share and guide you. We know late dx and self dx happens and in diagnosed spaces a lot of us are super cool swapping tips.

Just know that IDD can make some accessibility hard for folks. So you have to be patient even with social issues as a-lot of you all have an access to privilege you don’t realize you have in terms of educational material being accessible.

Lastly

If you do get diagnosed

We are anti Eugenics so not pro like Intelligence shaming, non-speakers exist I for one alternate I can only speak sometimes…. When i cant speak it hurts too…

Lastly Anti Eugenics means dont make fun of IDD and Engage in Intellectual ellitism

However this doesn’t mean don’t check your assigned intelligence score as there is different barriers if you are 2E as well and ways you can use that privilege to make things more accessible for everyone. Including translating into comfortable language for folks with IDD who need that.

Part of the beauty of the spectrum is we fill in one another’s blanks we help lift one another up.

But note also if you go for an asd test and end up with something similar but not the same you are still Neurodivergent.

Neurodivergent is a large community but some common neurodiversity’s that are not discussed as often (At least positively.)

Are Schizophrenia. (Which also are kin to Autistic folks we survive together. Even if its not the same we can still support one another.)

Personality disorders aren’t Autism but are Neurodiverse and stigmatized and deserve love and respect as well.

Borderline personality, Narcissistic personality,

Etc.

If you don’t end up As autistic it doesn’t mean you aren’t a part of our community (Neurodiverse.)

also know like (Autism groups centers etc advocates in there are not against having you join us for hangout sessions or social group activities. Its ok to ask a diagnosed friend how to learn more or join our spaces if you aren’t dxed!

Also some of you might be able to help us fight ABA in medical spaces as we aren’t listened to directly as a lot of places get funded for that shit….

Thats all sorry its long love you all keep advocating just know you aren’t imposters and can advocate on things you experience like sensory and comorbidities just engage with other autistics about more complex/nuanced issues.

Also Please if you are self DX late DX the reputation we are getting for Cancel culture (And not like canceling people who did stuff thats unforgivable. But if someone doesn’t know or have privilege to access information please please don’t harp on folks who are learning. As that is not restorative justice.)

Restorative justice being how we deal with issues in disabled autistic spaces. Just because there are conflicting respect needs and social, emotional ,educational access needs.

Tone is not mad just infodump

Genuinely like talking to yall about asd (Have a ton of cool ND cultural research I’m doing that im trying to figure out how to share without being seen as elitist… when the goal is to use privilege to dismantle privilege especially eugenic. Thinking about talking about twice exceptionality more and what growing up 2E-Asd is like in disabled spaces and why Disability Autism is my main identity not Eugenic assignments.)

Lmk if any of this is helpful or something y’all have an interest in. 😎🖤

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Self-diagnosed≠undiagnosed :)

[catttttttttttttttt]

Content: ranting about people gatekeeping autism self-diagnosis and also little message for those that do self-dx

I just don't understand people that gatekeep self-diagnosis (self-dx), especially when it comes to autism. It doesn't hurt anyone to self-dx/self identify as autistic. It doesn't hurt anyone to utilize tools and coping mechanisms that are typically designed/advertised/taught for/to autistic people.

I think that anyone that resonates with autistic experiences and finds relief utilizing coping mechanisms that they have found through autistic people and resources have a place in the community, even if their traits are subclinical or if through their self-exploration and research, they find they aren't autistic. For those that find they aren't, that's totally valid and cool, and through that exploration you have garnered a wealth of knowledge about a group of people that can always use allies.

No one is stealing any resources from anyone by self-dxing autism. Especially as an adult, because there are basically no resources to "steal" lmfao. The resources that do exist don't have a strict limit to them (books, worksheets, blog posts, physical items like weighted blankets and noise cancelling headphones, etc.). I have a clinical diagnosis and all I got was a bunch of paperwork that effects where my husband can be stationed. That's it. Everything else that I have is stuff that's generally accessible and used by tons of people that aren't autistic, or it's stuff I have made for myself (like all my lists and writeups). I know my experience isn't universal, but like, if something helps you in a significant/substantial way, it means it's made for you and those like you.

A large part of the "anti self-dx of autism" shit has to be negative views of what autistic people look like, right? I struggle to imagine any other reason someone would be so fervently against it, to the point they'll attack those that do self-dx. Or do people think you can just walk into some magical treatment facility and say you are autistic and you are whisked away by them and now you're taking up a slot for the "real autistics" ??? There're so many fucking hoops to jump through to get adequate care, at least in the USA. Or is it like people believing that someone else getting accommodations is unfair??? If that's it, why aren't they considering that maybe the world needs to be kinder and more patient, rather than just attacking someone else for getting help? If an accomodation that's utilized by a smaller group of people would be beneficial to the majority, why is that not made the norm??? I'm just so confused by people.

Find something more beneficial to advocate for instead of tearing other people down. Projecting hatred and anger like that is a waste of time and energy that could be used for something way better. It honestly doesn't have to be advocacy or anything, just get a fucking hobby.

[comicaldolphin]

My stance on self diagnosing is that i dont care as long as you use clinical sources and not tiktok or something. That being said, I found a really good psychologist used diagnostic tool in my quest to help weed out whats wrong with me and checked off pretty much all of it so uh. Oopsie daisies. Maybe i dont need to be so paranoid about if I'm secretly faking this thing I'm not public about irl.

[jazzikayz]

Neurodivergent self dx is and always has been incredibly valid for a lot of people. I think we also need to talk about what "lived experience" actually means, though.

When parents are trying to figure out if they should get their kid tested for autism, and autistic white women in or above their late 20s with degrees and full time jobs, who are late professional or self dx, start spitting off answers about how they wish they'd gotten tested or diagnosed as a child, that's no longer lived experience. That's not your experience, that's something that looking back you wish you could've changed about your life.

I experienced psychiatric trauma as a result of my early dx autism, I was in therapy before I was in kindergarten. I was isolated in school to the point of depression, then hospitalized, then put in a special program where I was being illegally restrained daily, then sent to a therapeutic school. I have been being conditioned like a dog longer than I've been able to count to 20. That's lived experience.

Just because you use a word to describe yourself doesn't mean we have the same lived experience qualifications.

[duck-in-a-thrift-store]

Personal rant bc we haven't gotten my official results yet but we did get a very stressful phone call about it, and because adhd has been kicking my ass lately. This is going to be long and rambly and all over the place, and if you're anti self-dx, I wouldn't suggest reading further (or interacting with me in general). It also sort of becomes just me psychoanalyzing my own behavior and infodumping about it

-------------------------------------------------------

For context, I'm autistic and adhd, and I went and talked to a psychologist a couple weeks ago and had some testing done

Personally, I don't really feel the need to have an official diagnosis for autism. I'm confident in my informed self-diagnosis (technically it was actually my parents who first suggested I might be autistic but I've learned a lot about it since then and now I'm pretty sure I'm more convinced than they are) and I just don't think a doctor's note will do much for me (totally understand and support anyone who does want to get diagnosed tho). Adhd however is another story. If I want meds that will actually work and accommodations with my school, they need proof, and as things are I am desperate for some help.

So the appointment I had a couple weeks ago was supposed to be for adhd testing, but apparently he also lowkey tested me for autism while we were there. Which like, fine, whatever, it would be sort of nice to have that validated I guess, but when we checked back in with him on the phone earlier this week he started using outdated and problematic terms like high-functioning and aspergers and I'll just say that it did not exactly inspire confidence

But that can of worms aside, let me get back to (mostly) adhd related ranting

I feel like there could be an essay about how the diagnostic process for adhd is flawed and doesn't work all that well for people who have an internalized notion that their worth as a person is dependent on their academic success and task performance and therefore spent their childhood and adolescence funneling all their efforts time and attention into school and generally being seen as a good well-behaved bright kid out of desperation to have value (and it worked- I've always made good grades, but what people don't see is the days, weeks, months of paralyzed procrastination, the anxiety-fueled mad rush in the end to get things done late, and the grace I'm inexplicably shown every time, without which my grades would be much worse)

I'm scared, that I'm going to be determined "too high functioning" to be diagnosed even though I'm currently doing basically nothing with my life outside of college and yet I'm technically failing like half of my classes right now, that they're going to say "well the signs weren't there when you were younger" even though there's a variety of explanations for why that might be, not the least of which being the fact that for some folks with both autism and adhd the traits of the two have a tendency to "hide" one another

Apparently he also ran an iq test on me, and he broke down the 5 scores to us; I scored in the upper average/above average bracket in all but the 4th, processing speed, in which I'm below average. And like yeah, I'm well aware that I'm slow, but I guess it's official now-

Anyway, my main point with the iq thing was that while he was telling us about my high scores in the first 3 areas, I'm sitting here getting more and more uneasy, bc I'm like yeah sure I'm intelligent or whatever but it isn't worth shit if I can't motivate myself to actually do anything with that potential, and the conditions under which I was tested just don't reflect my day to day life closely enough to give an accurate reading, in my opinion.

Basically I'm afraid this guy is going to look at the results of some tests- tests which I was really focused on bc of the intrinsic fear of failure that plagues my existence (even though rationally I know you can't fail a psychological evaluation) and bc I know it's a bitch of a process to even get tested in the first place and I wasn't going to waste the opportunity goddammit-

That he's going to look at them and decide that I'm "too smart" to have a learning disability, when, again, all the brains in the world wouldn't do me any good if I

1) don't have the ability to self-motivate and direct them at what I need to be working on, even if I've been beating myself up about that pile of homework or my disaster of a room for weeks or even months, and

2) have such a loose grasp on the concept of time and priorities that I have on multiple occasions found myself pulling all-nighters on personal projects or reading for pleasure or scrolling on my phone only to realize oh shit I have to get up for school in like two hours, oh fuck, I'm going to be exhausted all day, what happened to "let's go to sleep early this time, I'll just do this for like 5 more minutes and then call it a night"

or realize after one of those all-nighters that what was actually a period of about 10 hours feels more like 10 minutes to me ("man wasn't I literally just here to get dinner" the next morning, passing the caf on my way to class on exactly 0 hours of sleep and still having managed not to get any of my actual class work done in all that time)

And also just that tendency in itself is significant, to get so deeply hooked on something once it does manage to get my attention, that I often feel like I can't stop until outside forces demand it- staying up until 4am on a school night painting my phone case and texting my crush (14 or 15), making bracelet after bracelet at the kitchen table at ungodly hours of the night because I couldn't sleep and now that I'm on a roll I don't want to break the momentum (18, a few months ago), throwing horrific amounts of time at reading fanfiction of whatever series currently has my interest when I have so much work that needs to get done if I want to have a chance at passing my courses this semester (18, basically present), making a last minute birthday present for my aunt and being so caught up in the rush and the craft of what I was working on that I ignored my body's needs until I ended up pissing myself (12), etc

The fact that I've been meaning to catch up with my high school friends for weeks or months, literally something as simple as a "how have yall been" in the group chat, yet for some reason I still haven't gotten around to it

The fact that for all my alleged intelligence I still haven't learned to ride a bike or drive a car or apply for a job or develop a work-life balance or play any of the instruments I want to or have a thriving social life or feel like a person (I think these are more autism-related but I'm throwing them in anyway)

The fact that minor (or even just mistakenly perceived) disapproval or judgment or teasing or having a text left on read can send me spiraling into anxiety and convinced that everyone hates me and that I'm worthless or obnoxious or stupid (rejection sensitivity is a bitch)

The fact that when I try to read I have to make a constant conscious effort not to jump ahead and all over the place and I often have to reread the same passage multiple times to understand it because I realize that I wasn't actually paying attention the first couple of times, my mind elsewhere and my eyes wandering

I know even if I do get diagnosed they'll say it's inattentive, not hyperactive or combined, because the majority of my hyperactivity is either fairly subtle movements (because I'm socially anxious and clumsy and don't want to draw attention to myself or run the risk of breaking or disturbing something) or just straight up in my head. Like sure I'm not a nine year old boy who can't sit still in class and is constantly bouncing around all over the place and getting into trouble and driving his parents and teachers crazy (bc being seen as annoying and unruly by authority figures would have broken me), but there's always so much noise in my brain, it's always talking or playing music in the background or thinking about the 47 different projects I need to be working on and the media it wants to be engaging with instead and the 1000s of things there are to worry about in a day; sometimes I'll get stuck in a loop where I'm mentally repeating a word or phrase over and over and over again until I feel like I'm going crazy

All of this is stuff that this guy doesn't see, and that worries me when it comes to the validity of his assessment

But basically, what I'm trying to say is, I swear to god if the people around me don't believe that there's clearly something not neurotypical going on here I'm going to fucking riot

And, ranting aside, I want to end this post with a note to all my fellow neurodiverse folks who are waiting for answers or treatment or validation or support or whatever.

I feel you. Hang in there. You have my well wishes in your endeavors. And remember, it's ok to be happy with or proud of who you are and what makes you different, it's ok to embrace your neurodiversity while also acknowledging how difficult it can be to live with and the fact that you might need extra time or support with things that seem to come easily to other people. It's ok to admit that it's fucking hard sometimes, and it's ok to ask for help. Take care, mates

[blowflyfag]

WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION MAGAZINE : FEBRUARY 1999

MARK HENRY & CHYNA: Difference in Degree or in Kind? By Laura

Transcript Below!!!

Poetry is perhaps the most romantic route to a woman’s heart–especially if it’s reciter is also the author. However, throw in a sexual harassment lawsuit adn I don’t care how sweet the words may be, a woman will be turned off. Yes, my friends, the hackneyed expression stands firm–actions speak louder than words. Keep that in mind when reading the following commentary…

Marky Henry and Chyna–are they like two plates of the same barbell? It depends on who you ask, I suppose. Despite the personal and legal problems that have transpired between the two of late, it can be argued that the pair are very similar to each other. With very few exceptions, their lives have run on parallel courses. Both bright and ambitious, as youngsters they began bodybuilding–Chyna started in her teens and Mark Henry began as a child when he was given a weight set by his mother. Through bodybuilding, bot found their niches–and in sculpting their bodies, they sculpted their futures as athletes in the World Wrestling Federation.

In addition to sharing a passion for a careers in sports-entertainment, Mark Henry and Chyna had it rough growing up. As was revealed in an in-depth interview in the October 1998 World Wrestling Federation Magazine, Chynaa came from a dysfunctional family–one torn apart by the ravages of addiction and abandonment. Mark Henry faced poverty and racial prejudice in his early years–prejudice that he knew could be assuaged by superstardom.

Perhaps the most obvious affinity between the two is that they are the pinnacles of strength. It can be argued that he, the World’s Strongest Man, and she, the Ninth Wonder of the World, are the standard by which human physical strength should be measured. One thing is certain–both Mark Henry and Chyna are unique… they are anomalies of their kind. Both had to struggle in a competitive field where their minority status–Mark Henry being African-American and Chyna as a woman–do not make it any easier. 

If we go beneath the surface, however, another picture develops, while the above constructions attempt to convey the truth, they can also be highly misleading.

In my opinion, the greatest difference between Mark Henry and Chyna lies in the matter of strength. I am not speaking here of who can bench press the most weight. Rather, I am speaking of self-confidence–not an inflated ego or the need to mask a case of low self-esteem–but of an inner strength.

When it comes to their futures in the World Wrestling Federation, both Chyna and Mark Henry have different visions. Chyna told me: “I look more selflessly to where the guys [DX] are going–I want what’s best for them.” 

Meanwhile, posed with the same question, Mark Henry replied that it was his intention to prove the Federation and its superstars that he belongs and that he will surpass all of them. And no one is going to stop him–notThe Rock, Austin nor Vince McMahon. 

When I asked Mark about his experience in the Nation and what his relationship was like with The Rock, he responded: “I felt like we [the Nation] were all there for his [The Rock’s] using. I admired and looked up to him, but I don’t see myself in his shadow…”

Like he had seen himself in his brother’s shadow? Perhaps there is a parallel here… In other words, when it comes to his vision of his future Mark Henry has only himself in mind–as well as a need for validity. In her plans for the future, Chyna has not only herself, but also the welfare of DX in mind. (is this the result of her need to create the happy family she never had…?)

Growing up both had premonitions of a future in the spotlight. However, for Chynait was innate knowledge–she knew that she had a talent to share with the world. For Mark Henry, on the other hand, he craved the spotlight and the attention it engenders. What Chyna knew was her natural talent was what Mark Henry felt he had to prove to the rest of the world.

I asked both Mark and Chyna what it means to them to be the World’s Strongest Man and the Ninth Wonder of the World, respectively, Mark responded that for him it meant, “No one can beat me,” and for Chyna, “it means that there's no other Chyna.” That I believe best conveys the difference between the two. For Mark Henry it is about competition–a constant struggle to prove he is worthy of being number one, as is indicated by his inept but sincere attempts to win the heart of a woman who simply shrugs him off. For Chyna it is about contentedness–being the unique woman that she is and sharing her talents with the world.

While similarities certainly exist between these two unparalleled individuals, upon closer examination differences are clear. It’s said that opposites attract–so, in the case of Mark Henry and Chyna does the old maxim stand up?

Stranger things have happened…

[spongebob-autisticquestions]

hi!!!! this isnt rly a question so i hope its ok to send (i believe u generally also accept asks that are just Talking About autism stuff- if im wrong i apologize!!) but ive been following u for maybe 4-5 years i think? i still have not been able to get a dx due to the price and lack of availability in my area despite my therapist agreeing and my psychiatrist noting that some stuff for me should be tested, but ur posts have meant a lot to me over the yrs :) esp when it came to feeling like my self dx is legitimate!!! being autistic affects me in a LOT of ways all the time so its helped a lot to be able to explain that, and ive seen a resurgence in anti self dx stuff so your posts are super helpful to me!!! lately i also realized a 'big interest' of mine for multiple years is actually most likely a special interest, and theres an offshoot of it ive been thinking about very much nonstop, all day, every day for a bit!!! sometimes i feel a little silly for just how wrapped up in it i can get (i got so excited about it that i managed to become nauseous once, which upon asking another person, is apparently Not standard for interests LOL) but many of my friends are also autistic and get it which makes me very happy :)!!! my interest (which i think im ALSO hyperfocusing on lately since i have adhd as well!) just makes me very happyy lately and that reminded me of your posts and how confidently you and the people you rb from talk about your special interests!!!! :D . anyway thank you for running such a wonderful blog!!!! sorry for such a long ask, i hope you have a great day!!!!!!

I'm glad I've been able to help! :) And pay no mind to anti-self diagnosis posts, self diagnosing is completely valid and the majority of the autistic community supports it!

[higheverweave]

Yall BPD ASD solidarity should be a celebrated thing.

Im on the opposite end of the diagnosis spectrum I was Early diagnosed. But being early dxed comes with a different set of challenges.

Mainly Internalized Abelism

But The thing alot of people dont get that is Early dx late dx culture clash

Is the Solidarity rule that we know what its like to be made to feel alone to have ABA classes that teach you you are wrong for who you are.

(^ That and the Nuance that some folks Who are at double risk of being unalived by cops

Their parents and loved ones have to make the choice of

Do I want my kid to never face abuse and be dead Or to face abuse and be alive?

(Only one of those questions The person is still alive so they can have time and support to heal..)

When It comes to Disability culture and Other harmed cultures solidarity that is super important to Early dxed folks because of the shared generational trauma of asylums and the facts:

That Asylums targeted People with BPD ,ASD, and other neurodivergence as well as people with developmental disabilities Down syndrome, Cerebral Palsy ,you name it

Anti eugenics is part of that but so is recognizing and celebrating the duty we all owe to other folks who faced similar cruelty..

Asylums are still around and used as threats

And lets be honest whats wrong with BPD why do people villainize it when often its valid fears stemming from pain and trauma

(which also makes you all really mindful and great friends to people who are experiencing or have experienced trauma.)

There isn’t any condition that should be villainized this is not to say some conditions cant have extreme factors

But

You can Love somebody from a distance

You can understand it may not always be safe to have clashing personalities and people with clashing disorders in the same place due to how their needs may conflict on a way that harms them both …

(But not trusting isnt the same as not loving.)

Not trusting is a valid practice that comes from trauma but also being smart enough to keep yourself safe

You can learn to have your guard up regardless of where you are or who you are with and still enjoy the time you spend (around both ND folks and NT folks.)

As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

[thesomebodywho]

The somebody who?

In my previous post I briefly mentioned possibly wanting to reserve my username being a reaseon for this blog even existing. It feels a bit silly to be attached to a username but I have been thesomebodywho or somebodywho for over a decade now.

What then is the idea behind thesomebodywho? To best answer this I need to start from the beginning.

Sometime in the mid 2000s I started playing Runescape. Of course I needed to come up with a username. That username was "finlandme." The logic behind this was that "finland" signals that I am Finnish and then the "me" part implies that I know English. In hindsight that logic probably did not work although I never interacted with anyone in Runescape, which might have been a blessing in disguise. Unfortunately we cannot then know whether or not my ironclad logic worked.

My Runescape username feels pretty irrelevant but it works as somewhat of a prototype for my next username 'somebodywho.' Back in 2008 I heard of a cool new game called Roblox. Although current Roblox is sadly infamous for unironically exploiting the creativity of children for profits. I suppose this was the writing on the wall even from the beginning but at least Back then we did not have video tutorials about monetizing your game with microtransactions but I digress.

Similiarly to "finlandme" "somebodywho" had a logic to it. This time the "somebody" part was just that an unknown person. The latter 'who' part though was supposed to invoke the feeling of mystery. "Somebody but who" was the question I wanted everyone to think of when they saw me.

Initially it was just another username within the hundreds of usernames others saw daily. Then one fateful day I remember someone actually inform me in chat that they would find out who I was. Now, normally this would be a terrifying threat but considering the logic behind my username I was ecstatic that someone else actually realized the genious behind the mystery I propositioned. Nothing ever came from that but having my username essentially validated did become a core memory of sorts.

On Christmas eve 2010 I got a physical copy of Portal from my late grandfather. Excitedly started creating a Steam account but to my shock and horror I realized that the name 'somebodywho' was already taken. Steam did, of course, suggest variants such as adding numbers to the end or a 'the' in front. Of course I thought that everyone knew who somebodywho from Roblox was and I decided on 'thesomebodywho' because I was the somebodywho from Roblox.

I remember still clinging on to just 'somebodywho' for a few years because I did create accounts after my Steam account where I used somebodywho. Currently I just use thesomebodywho by default unless it is unavailable due to length or being taken.

Despite the cringey and and almost narcissistic origins of my protagonist-ass username I have grown attached to the simplicity and cleanness. Just three words, no caps, no numbers, no special characters, country tags or weird X's around it. To toot my own horn, it is simply minimalistic and beautiful in a way. Coincidentally it is also super un Googleable.

This would not be a complete retrospective on my online usernames if I left out the dark horse of my usernames "GigaManDX." At some point I was really into the MegaMan Starforce series, especially the second game because I only got the first one a bit later and the third game was never released in Europe. (Where is my remastered collection Capcom!?!?)

As a kid I created an OC called GigaMan who was essentially just MegaMan but stronger because giga > mega. This unfortunately managed to bleed into my online accounts.

The bosses in the second game can be rematched for a bigger challenge and better rewards a so called EX-version if I remember correctly. Now, the US version of the game also has hidden DX versions of the bosses only accessible by inputting secret codes. I most likely played the US version because I only owned the game on a bootleg 500 games in one style cartridge. Regardless, these DX versions were super strong and of course to boost my OCs power level I tacked a DX at the end.

In hindsight, of course, all this logic and weird unfounded belief in being famous looks pretty cringey but this all is just what kids do. Realistically I should be proud of my imagination and confidence even if I try to purge GigaManDX off of the face of the internet. The strongest evidence for my wild imagination being quite clever is the fact that I am thesomebodywho even to this day.

[many-but-one]

automorph: a self-identifier term, that of which one has a fluid identity (gender, name, personality, and/or 'image'/persona, etc.) (with dissociation n trauma)… vs being a did/osdd system? how does one know the difference can I ask your opinion?

What does DID and being a system feel like? What does “alters ability to take control of the body” mean and feel like? If someone involuntarily sometimes feels like different identities sometimes and at different times (made up of their own names, personality, species, age, aesthetic, likes, appearance, etc) is that what alters are and what fronting is like? plus when u have dissociation and trauma. do u have to be able to communicate w each other and hear voices? is it amnesia if when u look back on the past days/weeks:/etc it feels like it didn’t happen and is hard to remember? and to not know who u are at the moment? honestly how does one know if these are alters or not .. or what an unstable identity is vs alters? or an introject or fictive ot non human alter vs kin type? honestly when is it ok to say you’re a system ,, if you’ve researched for years .. when is it ok to self dx ,

Sorry for the late response to this, anon. Things have been funky in my personal life and I'm going to be honest, the first few times I read this I was really confused by some wording. I'm going to be frank and honest and say I'm not going to answer all of your questions. I'm a random Tumblr user, you are anonymous, I've never spoken to you, and I'm not a professional. If you want to have a conversation with me about these things and dissect some of it, I would be happy to help you do that, but you will have to DM me and come off of anon. I would love to help if I can. /genuine. Just know I will not give you a diagnosis or a definite yes or no. It would basically just be to help you sort through your thoughts, which seem really scattered here.

First:

If you have dissociation and trauma and amnesia and all the above you should probably find a trauma focused therapist. I'm serious.

Unstable identity vs. alters is the question that professionals have been debating since forever and I don't have the answer to that.

This is the main question I'm going to answer here:

"When is it okay to say you're a system? If you've researched for years, when is it okay to self dx?"

You can say you're a system whenever you want. Nobody is going to stop you. Will people question your validity? yeah. That's the daily struggle of being a system. Will you feel denial? yeah all the time, I've been medically recognized and treated for DID for over a year and a half now and I still feel denial all the time. If you're self conscious about the idea of identifying as a system, don't come out publicly yet. Try to first work on your system by yourself or with a therapist if you have access to one. Download simplyplural, try to figure out switching patterns, write down what you know about the alters you have, journal as often as you feel comfortable, offer your journal to other alters, let them express themselves if they want to, work on healthy coping skills, etc. If you think you have OSDDID, and you've done years of research, you probably do. Well informed self dx is valid in my opinion. If you're still worried about it though, just don't be public about it until you're more certain. Once communication gets better and you start seeing more obvious signs of the system, then you can decide if you want to be public about it or not. You never have to be public about it. You can have a system Tumblr and never share info about your alters. You don't have to share anything about your system period, just reblog system memes or things you relate to.

The idea that having DID/OSDD has been equated to having to be open and public about it all the time is really awful, honestly, and so damaging. If you think you have it and you are really sure about it and you've done research, then go for it. Say you have it. If you're wrong later, then you'll figure that out when you get there. This is why I highly discourage new systems from going public online right away, especially if they're not diagnosed or being evaluated by a therapist with DID or trauma knowledge. Because if you dive headfirst into it and then realize you are NOT a system, it's much harder to backpedal and you often will face backlash. (Which I don't support in the slightest, by the way. I think people are allowed to make mistakes and be wrong about their experiences and shouldn't be punished for it unless they did serious damage.)

Work on coping with the info that you have and if it becomes more complicated later, you'll cross that bridge when it happens. In the meantime, stay safe, drink plenty of water, and take care of yourself. I hope this message didn't come off as too harsh, but you know yourself best and if you think that you're a system then maybe you are. If you have the ability to get professional help, I highly encourage you to do so. This website has DID resources specific to each U.S. state and there are also several other countries outside of the U.S. on it too.

Take care, anon. If you need further help, feel free to message me.

-Jules

(P.S. to any other anons out there: I am not a professional. Asking me "I'm experiencing [exact symptom of DID to the letter], is that DID?" is not going to help you because I don't know you at all and I'm not your therapist. If you have genuine questions about what it feels like to be a system, DM me. I know that's scary to do, but I promise I would not judge you. I'm not going to dx you via DMs but I do have a decent amount of resources and personal knowledge of my own experiences and I would be happy to help you sort your questions out.)

[kidnamedfinger]

[double posted to make it less long to scroll] ok but thats not what josh is saying in the tweet right? theyre just saying that object impermanence happens and it isnt intrinsically a shunning of people and people shouldnt automatically read into it and assume malevolent intent in not reaching out to someone. it doesnt say "if your friend refuses to talk to you suddenly it means they forgot about you and you should baby them." because thats obviously not reasonable.

i agree that diagnosis culture CAN make people not want to take accountability. i forget about my irl friends for certain amounts of time if theyre not in front of me - genuinely, i do. if you think thats a thing that babies do thats fine. but i also do feel bad about it and i try to do things like scheduling hangouts with people or send memes to them when i can or just message them when im thinking of them just to say hi. its not like i use my adhd dx (which i do have) to make it other peoples' problem. so its just random that p.e., whose tweets i otherwise enjoy, would jump on this specific tweet which - compared to what most terminally online people say about having adhd - is pretty harmless.

ironically, to me it seems like p.e. is ascribing malintent to josh in this tweet, and literally all that josh's tweet asks is to NOT automatically ascribe malintent to people who aren't always initiating social content. this is a relevant distinction because ive been approached many times by people whose communication styles differ from my own, who assume that because im a bit late with returning a personal message or because i havent talked to them in a while that i have a problem with them. and in the worst case scenario, it turns into a whole thing where that person assumes im avoiding them or ignoring them because i actively dont want to communicate with them. or maybe they just are worried (e.g. literal family members whose existence and messages i forget about) and want to be able to reach me when they need to. luckily, sometimes its resolved when i can agree to respond to messages quicker and set reminders on my phone and all that. actionable steps i take to be accountable for my behavior as an adult. not letting the chemicals in my brain totally dictate how i behave forever. but i forget sometimes or i slip up sometimes. and thats why i, like josh, would ask for some grace.

sorry to jump on this tweet thing - it would be double ironic if /i/ assumed malintent from p.e. in replying to this in the first place, and the larger point is valid. but i feel that the legitimate criticism - which is a criticism of using adhd or any dx as a substitute for refusing to take accountability of ones adult agency - should not automatically be whipped out when someone with adhd talks about an experience they have in their lives and asks for a bit of understanding in a relatively neutral context. sure josh could have worded it without the whole "eyes light up" thing i see how it sounds infantilizing. but the rest of the points dont feel connected to the tweet theyre quoting. unfair, even. sorry.

[thecirculararchive]

A System / Plural Meeting Ground

Hello! Welcome to Memories of the Circular Room. We’re the Circular System, also known as the Combo Pack. This blog is our combination personal blog, vent blog, syscourse blog, and just general existing blog. I also run @traumageniccombopack (traumagenic only positivity blog).

Below the cut is information about me, this blog, beliefs, and everything else I think could be relevant. I do not have a DNI, but feel free to read below to get the gist of what I’m about. If you agree, great! If you hate me, block me!

(Credit to @sysboxes for this beautiful box below.)

Alter List:

[Note: All alters listed have consented to being on this list, and feel this information is fine for others to have.]

Wade - Trans male, 24, meme lover and trauma holder. 💙 Debbie’s platonic partner. He/Him or They/Them. Curtis - Male, 30+, rockstar and sex alter. 💜 Married to Numb. He/Him. Numb - Male, 300+, nonhuman demonic alter and protector. 💚 Married to Curtis. He/Him. Debra - Female, age unknown, nonhuman shadow persecutor. 🖤 Dating Sierra and platonically dating Wade. She/Her. Sierra - Female, 24, uptight and caretaker alter. ❤️ Dating Debbie. She/Her. Sie - Female, 7-11, bright and happy and little! 💗 She/Her. LED - Trans boy, 10-19, literal source of light and little! 💛 He/Him. Ve - No Gender, no age, nonhuman angel trauma holder/autopilot. 🤍 She/Her, They/Them. Rice - Female, 24, “host” (retains label despite inaccuracy, considered the “original” alter) ❤️ (Yes, same heart as Sierra. Yes it’s confusing!) Any pronouns. Roy - Male, near 30s, fictive from Super Powereds. No fucking clue what he’s doing, but he sure is here! 🧡 He/Him. Octavian - Agender, nonhuman elf. Fictive from unknown source. Happily married in source. 💟 He/Him. Avery - Female, late 20s. Fictive from RP (Villain’s Code OC). ❣️  She/Her.

[Image To Be Added]

https://picrew.me/image_maker/94097 (Creator)

Beliefs:

Here’s a summary: what are you, a cop? Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy? I am… inevitable. And, 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕. I think that sums it up nicely.

Look. I’m tired of people debating what the fuck my stance is. I’m not pro-endo. I’m not anti-endo. I’m not a goddamn label. Judge me by my actions, and if you don’t like my actions, shut the fuck up and ignore me. If I’m being actively harmful with my words, then call me out, but jfc y’all are obsessed with my stance that you ignore what I ACTUALLY do for this community. You read into my words trying to find malicious intent.

Here are my beliefs. Fuck off if you hate me, be civil if you debate me.

I believe:

Endos exist.

Sometimes, endos are actually traumagenic. This is okay.

Nobody’s worth is determined by their lack/presence of plurality. Everyone should have a baseline of respect.

Each individual needs to be judged on a case by case basis. We are not our communities, and nobody is a hive mind.

Everyone, on every side, can learn from each other. I have learned from endos, pro-endos, and anti-endos alike.

People fake being endo. People fake having DID/OSDD. I will never fakeclaim.

Words mean things, and have original meanings as well as contextual meanings. Context is important and should be acknowledged.

Studies need to be done on endogenic plurality.

Tulpas make me uncomfortable and I prefer not to discuss them.

Sysmed/Traumascum is transphobic terminology that isn’t even used accurately by the communities, and should be changed to terms that actually describe the debate occurring.

Self DX has always been and will always be valid.

DID/OSDD only forms from childhood trauma.

I am not neutral. I have a stance. It’s just not one you like. And that’s okay. This blog is for everyone.

No DNI?

Anyone can interact with this blog. I do mean anyone. If you make me too uncomfortable to deal with, I will block you, but I very rarely do that either. I want to shape this blog into a space where I can hear every point of view, no matter how heinous, so that I can understand what people are thinking. I really, really struggle sometimes to understand things, and the only way I can think of to combat that is to keep the doors open. Therefore, even if I do not agree with you, you are welcomed here. Anyone. Really. No matter how fucking disgusting you make me feel. Note that this DOES NOT MEAN I agree with these people. I try not to close off interactions unless I CANNOT handle it any longer, or unless someone has specifically requested I block them.

Is that good for my mental health? Not in the slightest. Will I make mistakes while interacting with people I disagree strongly with? Absolutely. But I guess I’m signing up for that, because that’s the only way I can see learning occur. It’s what I had to do when I started going into anti-endo spaces in order to learn that radical inclusiveness might not be the best path, so...

Who gets blocked?

I block very rarely. These tend to be my limits that I can think of, but I generally do not think of every trigger I have, so if I don’t list a heinous crime here, please don’t send an anonymous message asking why I don’t block X. I do not need to explain why or why not blocking happens. I prefer people to not trigger me in anonymous messages by reminding me of X group I should block.

Who I block no matter what:

Radfems

Pedophiles

Purposeful DNI breakers

Suibaiters

Anything Else?

I hope to be a kind person in this community, even though I know I make people angry/upset. I’m trying to learn to take things on the chin less and be more understanding of people’s perspectives. If you notice me fucking up, call me out. I try my best, but I still make mistakes.

Enjoy my blog!

[Updated 5/20/22]

[ghostgothgeek]

hi there! so, i'm not sure if anyone else asked or if this was brought up at all before; but what are your thoughts on the gray/ghost ship (aka dannyxvalerie)? tbhhh as much as I *want* to like it myself... admittedly it's been hard for me to get fully-invested 'cause i know there's... *quite* a bit of anti-sam/dxs complaints in most of the ship's content tags, hhh;; idk if im alone in that or not-

Hello! Sorry I've been swamped with work lately, so this is a little late.

I dislike gray ghost (both for logic reasons and also because I am AO trash) but I don't hate it. It's just not my personal preference. It's hard for me to like it, but I will admit I have seen some cute gray ghost content! I just don't actively interact with it or seek it out. To each their own, honestly. I have nothing bad to say about it. People are allowed to have differing opinions and interests, and we should be respectful of that. There's no reason to get ugly on either end.

Yeah, the anti-Sam/DannyxSam stuff makes me mad, but keep in mind that some Danny/Sam content is anti-Valerie/gray ghost too. I get some stories need to have a villain for plot purposes and what not, but it's not cool to hate on a character the way people do in ship stories. I don't like people pitting women against each other, and Sam and Valerie are both AMAZING strong characters. It's disappointing to see people alter their characteristics for ship wars, because it's canon that both girls are respectful of each other and there's no real beef between them. Sam and Valerie are civil and I wish the phandom could be the same.

Keep in mind, you don't HAVE to like or dislike anything. Your personal preferences are valid, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Just because something in the phandom is popular doesn't mean every single fan likes it, and that's okay! You're allowed to have your own opinions, even if and especially if they're different from what's "popular". Just follow the things you enjoy!!

[sofaoofa]

To be fair to op each statement is an independent math pun. The word on is not the word of, and til in the third statement isn’t causal.

But if there was, math does things and you can justify this jokes validity through it if you wanted. Just define stuff. There isn’t a y in the second statement, and the third statement defines a new equation. I guess x or y could be functions of time causing this problem to be solved with a hamiltonion or some numerical method. I bet if we have a functional instead of a 2d function you could make things work together bc dy/dx= ERROR at zero does not imply dr/dt= ERROR at 0, especially if you use the freshet derivative. Idk tho it’s late and I am not in university anymore.

So the still valid translation is:

She finds the jerk of r with respect to time, on my function y(x) until I diverge.

Or she jerk me on my penis until I divide by zero (in the mathly legal way)

She d³r/dt³ on my y=|sin(x)|+5 e^(-x^100) cos(x) til I lim as x→0 of 1/x

[ablednt]

Ngl i really don't like how people have been saying the medical definition of DID isn't plurality lately. Like if a system who uses parts to define themselves doesn't want to ID as plural or a system that's valid but median systems ARE plural. Also many diagnosed systems don't KNOW they're sentient separate entities BECAUSE therapists dehumanize them. I am literally begging y'all to realize that systems have always and will always inherently be victims of psychiatric abuse.

Psychs don't think ANY of us are sentient or separate. When we tell them otherwise they either dx us with a psychotic disorder instead or shrug it off and continue to call us ego states and parts and that has absolutely fucking nothing to do with the reality of ones experiences. Many systems don't know if they're separated or not because they don't have access to communities that don't dehumanize them.

It makes me really fucking uncomfortable to see stuff like "idk if I'm plural or have DID" and the answer not being "those are the same thing, even if you aren't fully separate beings you're still under the plural umbrella."

Inclusive plurality INCLUDES people who fit the medical model and continuing to dehumanize them because psychiatry dehumanizes them isn't the right move.

Even if your parts aren't sentient you're under the plural umbrella and in addition to that just because you fit ableist criteria that assumes plurality Doesn't Exist that doesn't mean you aren't multiple.

People dxed with DID/OSSD are a part of every plural community and if y'all can't accept that you're not inclusive and you're supporting the inherent eugenics of denying systems who only know psychiatric dehumanized language their personhood and their identities as plural.

I thought Y'all were better than this