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the-winter-spider · 2 days ago

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Invisible | Part Eight

Pairing: Bucky x reader AU

Word count: 3.7k

Warning: Angst....

A/N: first of many fights <3 also your comments make my day

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You walk into the apartment, the excitement from your date still buzzing faintly inside you—until you spot Bucky sitting on the couch. His eyes immediately flick to yours, his expression unreadable, and just like that, any leftover thrill from the night vanishes, replaced by an ache that settles heavily in your chest.

It’s the first time you’ve been alone with him all week, and for a second, neither of you says anything. Then he stands, clearing his throat. “So… how’d it go?”

His words reignite the frustration you’ve been holding back since last week, since his careless comment at the bar. Instead of brushing past him like you’d planned, you stop, crossing your arms and staring at him, letting your words come out sharper than you intended.

“Good. It was a great date, actually,” you say, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Dean was a total gentleman, and wouldn’t you know it—I handled a real date just fine.”

A flicker of regret crosses his face, but he quickly looks away, rubbing a hand over his jaw. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “That’s… that’s not how I meant it. I don’t know why I said that, and you know I’d never hurt you on purpose.”

You laugh bitterly, the sound echoing in the stillness of the room, as you shrugged off your coat, placing your keys and phone in the dish. “Really, Bucky? Because lately, that seems like the only thing you’ve been doing—hurting me.”

His gaze snaps back to you, his expression hardening. “You really want to do this? Just… hash everything out right now?”

You throw your arms up, the frustration boiling over. “Why the hell not? It’s not like things have been getting any better with us pretending everything’s fine!”

He steps closer, his jaw tight. “Fine. Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about that night, then.” He pauses, his voice dropping as his eyes bore into yours. “Why did you leave?”

You freeze, caught off guard. “What… what do you mean?”

He takes another step toward you, anger and hurt evident in his face. “You know exactly what I mean. After that night at the party, after we… after we slept together. Why did you leave without a word? I woke up, and you were just gone.”

Your pulse quickens, emotions swirling in a chaotic mess inside you. “Are you kidding me, Bucky? Did you even want me to stay?”

He lets out a hollow laugh, the sound filled with disbelief. “What are you talking about? Of course I did! You’re the one who walked out, not me!”

The anger rises, mixing with all the hurt and confusion you’ve buried over the years. “I left because… because I panicked, alright? You had this reputation, Bucky, and everyone knew it. I thought… I thought you’d wake up, regret it, and hate me for being just another one of your mistakes.”

His eyes widen, a mixture of anger and disbelief flashing across his face. “Do you really think that little of me? You think I’d just… forget about you? You’re my best friend, for god’s sake. We’ve known each other since we were kids, and you thought I’d throw that away for just sex?”

“Oh, so it was just sex, huh?” you snap, bitterness dripping from every word.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it!” he shouts, frustration evident as he rakes a hand through his hair, his voice breaking slightly. “God, you have to know it was more than that!”

You cross your arms tighter around yourself, trying to hold everything in. “I don’t know what I thought, Bucky. But I knew I couldn’t stand being something you regretted. I wasn’t going to sit there and wait for you to decide whether it was worth anything to you.”

He stares at you, hurt and frustration radiating from him. “All I’ve ever done is care about you. Everything people said about me, all those rumors—they were just that. Rumors. I thought you of all people would know that.”

You look away, fighting the sting of tears in your eyes, but he steps closer, his voice rising. “Do you know how much it killed me? You left me there like it meant nothing.”

“Maybe it didn’t mean as much as you think it did!” you shout back, anger overtaking the sadness. “Maybe that night wasn’t some big, life-changing moment for either of us. Maybe it was just a mistake!”

His face crumples slightly, like you’ve slapped him, and his voice drops, filled with hurt. “Is that really what you think?”

You hesitate, the words burning in your throat, but you nod, unable to back down. “I… I don’t know, Bucky. All I know is that I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep waiting around, trying to read between the lines, hoping you’ll finally decide what you want.”

He steps back, his face hardening, his voice cold. “Then maybe you should go. If you’re so tired of being here, if I’m such a disappointment to you… maybe it’s better for both of us if you’re not here.”

Your heart clenches painfully, but you force yourself to nod, swallowing back the tears. “Fine. If that’s what you want, then I’ll go.”

“Go, then!” he yells, his eyes flashing, and you can see the unshed tears there, barely contained. “Get out. Do whatever you want—I don’t care anymore. Just… leave.”

For a moment, you just stare at him, the weight of his words crashing over you like a wave. Then, without another word, you turn on your heel, your hands shaking. You feel the tears spilling over as you open the door, but you don’t let yourself look back, slamming it behind you, the sound echoing painfully through the empty apartment.

The chill of the night air bites into your skin as you walk through the dark streets, the city lights casting a glow around you, making the world feel almost surreal. You’re shivering, partly from the cold and partly from the adrenaline that’s kept you moving since you stormed out of the apartment, leaving behind your coat, your phone—everything. You feel like you’re walking through a dream, or maybe a nightmare, your heels clicking against the pavement in the silence.

It’s only after you’ve been walking for a while, the shock wearing off, that you realize the closest place you can go is Steve and Sam’s. You pick up your pace, arms wrapped around yourself, mascara streaking down your cheeks as the wind stings your face. It’s late, nearly ten o’clock on a Saturday night, and as you walk you can’t help but worry. What if they’re not home? What if you just end up standing outside in the cold, with nowhere to go?

You finally reach their apartment building and practically rush up to their door, knocking, then pressing your ear to the door, hoping you hear movement inside. The minutes feel like hours, and you’re starting to feel that familiar rise of panic, the one that tightens your chest and makes it hard to breathe. Just as you’re about to give up, you hear footsteps on the other side.

The door unlocks, and then it opens, revealing Steve.His face shifts from confusion to shock as he takes you in. “What the hell happened?” he asks, voice thick with concern as he quickly pulls you inside, shutting the door behind you. “Are you okay?”

The second you’re inside, the warmth of the apartment breaks down whatever wall you were holding up. You start crying, and without a word, Steve wraps his arms around you, holding you close as you sob against his chest.

After a moment, he gently guides you to sit on the couch, his hand rubbing your back in slow, soothing circles. But as you pull away, wiping at your smudged makeup, you see the worry in his eyes shift to something sharper, angrier.

“Wait,” he says, frowning as he looks you over again. “Where’s your coat? And your phone? You didn’t just walk all the way here without anything, did you?”

You sniffle, still catching your breath, and nod, the hurt fresh all over again. “I left everything at the apartment,” you manage, voice shaky. “I just… I couldn’t stay there, Steve. Bucky told me to get out. He told me to leave.”

Steve’s face falls in shock, his mouth opening slightly as if he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “He… he told you to get out?” he repeats, trying to process it. “And then just let you walk out? At this hour? Without your things?”

You nod, tears spilling down your cheeks as you cover your face. “I don’t think he… he was just so mad, Steve. I was too. He didn’t care. He just… told me to go.”

Steve lets out a sharp exhale, struggling to contain his anger. “That’s no excuse. I don’t care how mad he was, he should’ve never let you leave like that. He should’ve checked on you, at the very least. Damn it…” He reaches out, squeezing your shoulder with a mix of anger and worry. “You should have called me. I’d have come to get you in a second.”

You offer a small, broken smile through your tears, still trembling. “I know… I just… wasn’t thinking clearly.”

He shakes his head, his hand still on your shoulder, his gaze intense and filled with concern. “Don’t apologise. You have nothing to be sorry for.” His voice softens, his anger giving way to a fierce protectiveness. “I just can’t believe he let you walk out alone. It kills me that you felt like you had to do this.”

He squeezes your shoulder, his voice soft. “Do you want to talk about it, or just… sit for a while?”

You let out a shaky laugh, still catching your breath. “I don’t even know what to say. Everything just… came out. All these things we’ve been avoiding saying, and… I don’t know. I didn’t think it’d hurt this much.”

Steve nods, a sad, sympathetic look crossing his face. “Sometimes… those things we avoid saying are the things that hurt the most. Especially when it’s someone we care about.”

You feel a tear slip down your cheek, and he reaches up, brushing it away gently. His eyes are soft, filled with an empathy that makes you feel a little less alone. “Thank you, Steve,” you say, your voice barely a whisper.

You lean into him, letting yourself sink into his warmth, and he pulls you close, wrapping an arm around you again. The adrenaline finally ebbs, exhaustion taking its place as you relax in his embrace, feeling safe for the first time since you left.

You close your eyes, and before long, you start to feel them grow heavy, your breaths slowing as you begin to drift off on Steve’s shoulder.

A few minutes later, Steve’s phone vibrates in his pocket. He carefully shifts, trying not to disturb you, and pulls it out to see a message from Natasha: Hey, have you heard from her? She hasn’t updated me on the date, isn’t answering her phone, and I’m getting worried.

He sighs, glancing at you before typing back, She’s here. She walked from the apartment without her phone or her coat. She and Bucky got into it, pretty bad, ive never seen her like this.

Natasha’s response is almost instant: Are you kidding me? followed by a string of angry emojis.

Steve takes a deep breath, looking down at you as he types out another message, this time to Bucky, his fingers pressing the keys harder than usual: She’s here. Alone. No thanks to you! Without her things. And you let her walk out like that? What the hell were you thinking?

He sends the message and then texts Sam, who’s still out with coworkers, letting him know to be quiet when he comes home because you’re sleeping on the couch. A moment later, Sam replies with a string of question marks.

Steve glances down at you, tucked against him, your breathing even and steady now, and sighs before typing a final message to Sam: I’ll explain everything later.

Steve sits on the couch, holding you gently as you fall asleep against him, your breathing soft and steady now, a world away from the state you were in when you first showed up at the door. He glances down at you, feeling a pang in his chest as he takes in the remnants of your makeup, smudged from the tears you cried on his shoulder, and he’s struck by just how much he hates seeing you like this—hurting, broken down, all because of Bucky.

Yet, selfishly, there’s a part of him—deep down, hidden from everyone, including himself most days—that’s grateful you came to him tonight. He knows it’s wrong, knows it’s just his heart betraying him again, but he can’t help it. He’s loved you since junior high, since you were both just kids fumbling through life, figuring out what friendship meant. And over the years, that love has only deepened, becoming something he never talks about, never even lets slip. He’s had to sit on the sidelines and watch as you poured your heart into Bucky, hoping one day he’d finally open his eyes and see you the way Steve does.

You deserve everything in the world, Steve thinks. Someone who’ll give you the love you’ve always deserved, who wouldn’t leave you standing alone in the middle of a dark city street, heartbroken and afraid. But instead, you’re stuck in love with someone who’s too scared to do anything about it, and Steve… he’s just the friend you come to when it all falls apart.

A tear slips down his cheek, and he wipes it away quickly, forcing a silent, bitter laugh at himself. You’re his Bucky, he realizes painfully, and he’s you—watching, waiting, knowing you’ll never see him the way he sees you. It’s a cruel irony, and he hates himself for even thinking it.

Just then, the door creaks open, and Sam steps inside, blinking in surprise as he takes in the sight of you curled up against Steve, your tear-streaked face softened in sleep. He gives Steve a puzzled look, eyebrows raised, and Steve just raises a finger to his lips, shushing him. Carefully, he shifts out from under you, gently laying your head on the couch cushion and covering you with the throw blanket. He watches you for a moment before standing up and walking over to Sam, who’s now leaning against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed.

“What happened?” Sam asks, his voice low as he eyes Steve with concern.

Steve rubs the back of his neck, sighing. “She showed up about an hour ago, just… wrecked. Crying, shivering at the door. She didn’t have her phone, her keys, or even a coat.”

Sam’s eyes widen. “What? Why didn’t she have her stuff?”

Steve’s jaw tightens as he answers, anger simmering in his voice. “Because Bucky told her to leave. They had a huge fight, and he just let her walk out like that. She came here on foot, alone, and he didn’t stop her. Didn’t even check if she had what she needed.”

Sam lets out a long breath, running his hands down his face in frustration. “Are you kidding me? That guy is such an idiot sometimes.”

“You don’t think I know that?” Steve mutters, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. “I thought he was supposed to tell her how he felt. I thought he was ending things with Kate.”

Sam shakes his head, exasperated. “I know. I thought that was the plan too. Just last week, he said he was done with the excuses, that he was going to finally tell her. I don’t know what the hell’s holding him back, but tonight… she had her first date in years, Steve. She was supposed to have a good night, for once, and instead, she’s here, like this.”

Steve’s gaze shifts back to you, his heart aching as he watches you sleep. “I don’t get it. If he cares about her like he says he does, why does he keep doing this to her? Why won’t he just be honest?”

Sam sighs, shaking his head as he leans against the counter. “I don’t know, man. But she was so happy earlier. Right before her date, and she just… she was glowing. I hadn’t seen her like that in a long time.”

“Yeah,” Steve murmurs, a sad smile tugging at his mouth. “And now… now she’s back to this, all because of him.”

Sam lets out a deep breath, crossing his arms. “Maybe this is a turning point, though. Maybe some good can come from this mess.”

Steve frowns, glancing back at him. “How could this possibly be a good thing?”

Sam gestures toward you, curled up on the couch. “Maybe some space between them will be good for both of them. She can finally see that she deserves better than this back-and-forth, and he can realize what he’s throwing away. Maybe it’s what they both need.”

Steve sighs, looking down, his voice barely above a whisper. “Yeah… maybe.” But as he stares at you, asleep on the couch, he can’t shake the quiet ache in his chest, wondering if you’ll ever see that someone’s been there for you all along.

---

The next morning, Steve steps out of his room to find Sam already up, leaning against the counter with a mug of coffee in hand. Sam glances toward the couch, noticing you still curled up, fast asleep, wrapped in a throw blanket.

“She’s still out,” Sam says quietly, nodding in your direction.

Steve looks over at you and nods. “Yeah, she must've been exhausted,” he says softly.

Sam takes a sip of his coffee, watching Steve for a moment before asking, “You gonna skip your run today?”

Steve glances back at him, then shakes his head. “I can miss a day,” he replies with a shrug, moving into the kitchen and grabbing things from the fridge to start breakfast.

Sam watches him, setting his mug down on the counter. “Look, man… this can’t be good for you either.”

Steve pauses, glancing at Sam. “What do you mean?”

Sam gives him a pointed look. “Come on, you know what I mean. You, being in love with her all these years.” He lowers his voice slightly, glancing over at you again. “Just… I don’t want to see any more of my best friends getting hurt, alright?”

Steve sighs, his shoulders tensing slightly. “Keep it down, Sam. She’s literally right there.”

Sam sighs too, his tone gentler now. “I’m just saying, Steve, you can still be a good guy and a good friend… while protecting your own heart. I don’t want you to keep waiting around and getting hurt.”

Steve nods slowly, resuming his work in the kitchen. “I know what I’m doing, Sam. Trust me. It’s been years of this. I’ll be fine.”

Sam gives him a skeptical look but just shakes his head, muttering, “Whatever you say, man.” He reaches for a mixing bowl, getting ready to make pancakes. A few minutes pass in comfortable silence, the smell of pancakes and coffee filling the kitchen.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, Steve sees you beginning to stir on the couch. You stretch, blinking as you slowly sit up, momentarily disoriented, and your eyes go wide as you remember where you are.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Sam says with a grin, turning around to look at you.

“Oh God…” you murmur, running a hand over your face, slightly embarrassed. Everything from last night rushes back in a blur.

“You okay?” Steve asks, concern in his voice as he sets down the spatula.

“Yeah, just a bit of a headache,” you mumble, wincing slightly.

Without a word, Steve gets up and heads to the bathroom, returning with some Tylenol and a glass of water. You give him a grateful smile as you take them.

Sam grins, shooting you a playful look. “Well, you look like shit.”

“Sam!” Steve yells, half-scolding him, but you just laugh, shaking your head.

“Thanks,” you chuckle, swallowing the Tylenol. “I feel like it, too.”

Steve sits beside you for a moment, watching as you sip the water. Sam looks at you thoughtfully, then says, “You should go take a shower. I bet it’ll help clear your head.”

You nod, biting your lip. “I would… but I don’t exactly have anything to wear.”

Steve immediately jumps up, nodding toward his room. “I’m sure I can find some clothes that’ll work for you. Hold on.”

“Are you sure?” you ask, looking at him with a hint of embarrassment.

“Of course,” he says, smiling warmly. “Anything for you.”

He heads down the hall, and you follow, feeling a little lighter with each step. Once in his room, he digs through his dresser and hands you a pair of sweatpants, a soft T-shirt, and a towel. “Use whatever you need in the bathroom,” he says gently, his gaze warm and steady.

As he’s about to turn and leave the room, you stop him. “Stevie?”

He pauses, turning back. “Yeah?”

You give him a small, heartfelt smile. “Thank you. For everything. For always being such a great friend to me.”

Steve’s heart sinks slightly at the word “friend,” the weight of all the things he’s never said pressing down on him. But he musters a smile, nodding. “I’d do anything for you. You know that.”

You give him one last grateful look before heading to the bathroom. Once inside, you close the door and lean against it, letting out a shaky breath as your emotions resurface.

You turn on the shower, feeling the steam rise as you slip out of yesterday’s clothes. The hot water pours over you, soothing your tense muscles as you stand there, letting everything you’ve been holding in pour out.

Your thoughts drift to Bucky, to the fight, to everything that was said, and the words echo painfully in your mind. You wonder if he felt any regret after you left, if he realized how much his words hurt. But then you think about how he’d looked at you, the anger and frustration in his eyes, and your heart twists painfully. It’s a cycle, you realize—a cycle of loving someone who can’t seem to decide if he wants to hold onto you or push you away.

As the water washes over you, you close your eyes, trying to let go of the ache in your chest, but it lingers, a constant reminder of the choice you don’t know how to make.

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lucysarah-c · 3 days ago

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Semester's bingo card

You considered yourself grateful. Robert was a saint of a boss, paying you more than anyone else would for a part-time, working university student. Perhaps it was because you'd once found him sprawled on the library floor, unable to move, and helped him. Since then, you'd been offering to do his grocery shopping and sometimes cooked homemade meals for him.

Usually, you'd complain that a man should know basic skills like cooking, but Robert was pushing eighty, his lifelong wife had passed away a few years back, and without kids, he was completely alone. He was a good man, a product of his time, and you tried to overlook that.

You still remembered how the two of you met. You’d been searching for used books for university and found his Tea-Library. You could afford the tea more than the books, so you spent all day reading there. There were almost no other patrons; the place had suffered the saddest story ever told: time.

Next to it was a “pop-up” of whatever new, overpriced coffee brand some influencer had probably promoted, and on the other side, an Apple reseller. From outside, it seemed ridiculous—the original, charming structure surrounded by big, white boxes that blocked nearly all the sun.

The place smelled damp, a mix of mold, old books, and tea leaves. But soon, you started calling it home. Talking to Robert helped you improve your language skills; as a student from outside Paradise, no one had prepared you for the local accent. You did your best. Everything was normal, peaceful—until you asked if you could pick up extra hours. Money was tight, and you’d heard he’d fired the guy who worked night shifts.

Why a tea library needed a full night shift? You had no idea, and in hindsight, it should have set off alarm bells in your mind. But what made more noise than warning bells? Your stomach.

At first, Robert was reluctant, hinting that a “young lady” shouldn't be walking home so late. But you insisted; it was the best solution. You’d cover the full night and morning shifts, go to classes in the afternoon, rest for a few hours, then return for the night shift (with the bonus that nobody came to the library at night). A one-way ticket to dying at 30 from stress. But hey, dead at 30 with a degree—that was something, right?

That’s when you met him. The entry bell rang at 2 a.m. You glanced at your phone, frowned, and thought, ‘Who the hell needs a book and a tea at 2 a.m.?’ But you pasted on a smile and said, “Yes, what can I help you with?”

He was short, especially for a man, and wore those expensive, brandless clothes that rich people often wear. By his manner, you could tell he had more than a couple of million in the bank. His eyes were sunken and a striking gray, piercing against his pale face and dark hair. You froze. If the word “friendly” had an antonym, his face would be pictured next to it.

“Uh, yes? How can I help you?” you repeated, a bit unsure. Two others stepped in behind him—a guy and a ginger girl with a precision-cut bob and golden eyes. They were well-dressed too, but the girl’s chic look caught your attention most.

A gray-haired dude trying hard to look tough lifted one side of his mouth in a smirk and seemed about to speak. But the shorter man shot him a deadly glance over his shoulder, then turned back to you with a softened expression. “Good night.”

“Good niht—I mean, night. Sorry,” you corrected yourself, nerves getting the better of you.

“I’d like a Lapsang Souchong to go and a first edition of Narziß und Goldmund that was reserved for me,” he said bluntly but respectfully.

“Sure,” you replied, slightly confused, hopping down from your tall chair where you’d been working on a last-minute essay. As you searched for the book and let the water heat up, you noticed him waiting by the front desk, his attention caught by your scattered handwritten notes and books.

Back at the desk, you handed him the tea and book. “That’ll be $57.89.”

The room’s tension rose like boiling milk. The two behind him frowned deeply, and the dark-haired man hesitated. “Did I say something wrong?” you asked, suddenly nervous.

“No,” he replied quickly, pulling his wallet from his long black coat.

“You can pay by credit and—”

He placed a hundred-dollar bill on the counter, tucked the book under his arm, and took the tea. “Oh, I’ll get you the change—”

Before you could move, he was already leaving. “Keep the change.”

You stood there, baffled. He gave orders like this was the military. The next time he came in was two days later. He was taking out his wallet, but you stopped him.

“Uh, I just wanted to say I’m new on the night shift and wasn’t aware of the...dynamics.” His piercing eyes locked onto you, making you stutter. “So, um—the owner told me you’re a family friend or something? Whatever you order is on the house. I’ll get you a refund from last time.”

But he just placed more money on the desk. “It’s a tip,” he said flatly. “Take it.”

“I really can’t—”

“You’re a student, right? Probably broke. Take it. I’m leaving it here, so either you take it, or someone else will.”

Soon, you realized he was a regular during the night shift. A book was always left behind for him, under the name Levi Ackerman, and he’d order a different tea each time. Occasionally, he’d be with the ginger girl or a different guy—a tall, dirty blond with a goatee or a dark-haired one. The gray-haired one was the loudest of the group. But recently, he’d been coming alone, asking you for tea recommendations.

“You’re not bad at this,” he remarked once, catching you off-guard. When you looked confused, he clarified, “At brewing tea.”

You felt a silly sense of pride. “Tea is an important ritual in my culture.”

Maybe it was because you’d been missing home a lot.

“How’s university?”

“Good, I’m doing a master’s at Sheena’s University,” you explained.

Slowly, you got used to him coming in and having short conversations. You never opened the books left for him; your boss had given strict orders, and you obeyed. One time, Levi caught you using a pen to scrape the last bit of lipstick, trying to make it last. You must’ve seemed distant.

“Oh, sorry. I wasn’t expecting you today,” you said, snapping back to reality. “There’s no book left behind for you today.”

Levi scanned your face as if he were reading an open book. “No, I came for the tea,” he replied curtly. “What’s the matter?”

Pressing your lips together, you shook your head. “It’s nothing.”

“Tch,” he didn’t seem to appreciate your answer. “I don’t like when people lie to me. And even less when they waste my time. What’s the problem?”

You weren’t sure why you told him; maybe you just needed to vent. But two days later, you regretted it deeply. You hadn’t been explicit—“My main course professor has been... getting handsy. He threatened to pull my scholarship if I reject him. I don’t know what to do.” You hadn’t even mentioned the professor’s name, but a chill ran down your spine when you checked Twitter and saw the news.

“Suicide.”

Now it made sense why he’d demanded you go to his office, yet he wasn’t there when you arrived yesterday. Dead... ‘He’s actually dead.’

‘And the last person he talked to was me.’

You kept checking your phone and the front door, waiting for the police to show up. But they never did. No one came to question you. While that should have been reassuring, it wasn’t. Especially after you began putting two and two together and decided to open the book that was supposed to be picked up that night.

Inside were names, districts, drug codes, and political parties—all written in code. This time, when Levi stood in front of the desk, you were terrified.

“So? How did finals go?” His voice was as calm and monotonous as ever.

You didn’t even want to go near the desk, standing slightly back and nervously playing with your fingers, your nerves eating you alive. “Please... I—I wasn’t asking for a favor. I don’t want to be involved in any of this. I didn’t want him dead.”

Levi raised his eyebrows in surprise, then immediately relaxed. “Oh,” he groaned, “I was enjoying you treating me like a normal human being. Did the police reach out? Do you have the officer’s name?”

You shook your head, unable to say a word.

“Did anyone else speak to you about it?” he continued, throwing questions at you. You shook your head again.

“Then don’t worry, idiot,” he said almost tenderly. “Did you open my book?”

It took you a split second to shake your head again. He narrowed his eyes in warning. “I don’t like people lying to me.”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“Tch, I’m surprised you lasted this long being so loyal,” he said, clearly disinterested. “Just keep your mouth shut. Not that anyone would believe you, but I don’t want to deal with it.”

“You’re... part of a mafia?”

For the first time, you saw him chuckle. “You’re kinda cute.” The compliment made you blush, even though it shouldn’t have. “I’m not part of a mafia; the mafia is mine. My family has served the royal family of Paradise for generations. The Ackerman genes have to be put to good use. I just make sure everything runs smoothly, and if it’s illegal, it’s done right.”

You frowned, feeling as though he was treating you like a naive child. “Well, excuse me. My ‘Welcome to Paradise’ guidebook from university didn’t include the organized crime tour.”

“How did you think an old man like him could afford this place, prime real estate downtown in one of the biggest cities in the world, and pay you so well?” You shrugged at his question; yes, it was suspicious, but you hadn’t cared.

Levi slid the book across the desk, the sound of the cover scraping against the wood filling the uncomfortable silence. “Don’t worry, that asshole had multiple complaints of sexual harassment at work. He’s doing the world a favor being fish food.”

He pulled out his wallet and paid as usual, but this time he left double the amount. “I don’t want to be paid. I don’t want to be involved,” you insisted.

Levi gave a subtle smile. “It’s for a new lipstick. Dior just launched one—my cousin has it. I bet it’d look good on you.”

As he crossed the door and the bell rang again, you called after him, “I don’t need Dior!”

Attracting the attention of the head of the Ackerman family wasn’t on your “semester bingo,” that’s for sure.

(I don't know what this is, it just came to me as I was at work)}

Link to my masterlist and my other works if you feel like checking them out. Tags!: @nube55 @justkon @notgoodforlife @nmlkys @humanitys-strongest-bamf @quillinhand @thoreeo @darkstarlight82 @aomi04 @levisbrat25 @fxnnyackerman @secretmoneybearvoid @trashblackrainbow @l3visthighs @hannieslovebot @flxrartsstuff @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @starrylevi @rithty @mariaace @ackrmntea @emilyyyy-08 @levisfavoriteteashop @katestrophes @katharinasdiaryy @ackermanswifee @levistealeaf @an-ever-angry-bi @youre-ackermine @searriously @blackdxggr @storiesofsung @abiatackerman @braunsbabe @moonchild-angel @galactict3a @lemonsupernova @hyuckwon-my-husbands @heyitsd1yaa @sydneyyuu @love-for-faeries-go-burrrr @mandaax @sugacor3 @r0ckst4rjk @vegetasgirl2799 @catiwinky @pinksaiyans @sparklykeylime Wanna join my tag list? Here!

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seecarrun · 3 days ago

Text

Pokeshipping Week 2024

Prompt 7: Celebrating

Ash was avoiding her.

He had been the one to invite her. Hell, he had paid for her plane ticket! And yet here Misty was, all dressed up, sitting by her lonesome, no Ash or Pikachu in sight.

Okay, maybe she wasn’t alone, alone. Ash’s old local friends from the Pokemon School were all there as well, milling around, dancing, snacking on hors d'oeuvres and sipping on champagne. Lana had insisted she join them at their table, and she had even danced with Kiawe and Mallow for a while after dinner.

The professors and Lei were also there, it had been Lei’s first Manalo Conference appearance, and even though he lost in the first round of the single battles, his parents were so proud, they had been showing him off to everyone all night, much to the kid’s embarrassment.

But yet no Champion in sight.

She knew he was there. She’d seen him bee-bopping around the banquet hall throughout the night, just not anywhere near her, apparently.

She didn’t think he was upset at her or anything. He’d grinned and waved at her after his battle with Hau, who had won the League this year. Their battle had been close, but Ash managed to win it and keep his title for the tenth year in a row. A decade of being the Alola Champion. The whole reason this party was happening at all.

He had been rushed off to talk with the press, so she went back to her hotel to get ready, naively assuming Ash had any interest in spending some time with her during the celebration after insisting she be there.

She was just polishing off her third flute of champagne when a yellow flash out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. She perked up for a moment and scanned the room to try to catch it again, when a soft, familiar whisper filled her ear.

“Meet me outside in five?” Ash asked, sending an embarrassing little shiver up her spine, but by the time she spun around to face him, he had made his way back into the crowd.

~*~

Ash’s back was to her as he casually leaned against the balcony railing, backdropped by the twinkling, tropical, Alola night sky, Pikachu mysteriously missing. Someone had apparently convinced him to put on some nice clothes and forced a comb through his messy hair earlier in the evening, but he had managed to scruff himself back up since then, probably doing something stupid and noble and Ash-like.

He was beautiful.

“I’m not avoiding you,” he told her without turning around.

Misty raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Could’ve fooled me.”

He turned around finally at that and gave her a crooked little smile. “I’m glad you’re here, Mist.”

Her heart did that stupid thing it always did when he called her that damn nickname, but she joined him at the railing and looked out into the ocean. “You gave me no choice, Ash,” she reminded him. He chuckled at that, but it sounded hollow. “You okay?” she asked. He shrugged.

“Yeah. I mean, I think so. It’s just been a weird day.” He sighed. “I thought this was going to be it,” he admitted, quietly.

Misty blinked in surprise. “It? What do you mean? Like, your last year as Champion?”

Ash nodded, a wry smile on his lips. “Hau did amazing, but Gladion almost had me last year. If he wasn’t challenging the Hoenn League right now, I think he would have taken me out once and for all.”

She studied his profile, looking for a sign in his expression to figure out how he felt about that, but he was intentionally, very carefully neutral.

At her silence, he sighed heavily again. “I love Alola. You know I do. This place is my home away from home. But it’s, you know, still not home like Kanto is home.” He paused for a moment, and ran his hand through his hair before turning to face her again and smirking. “I know Lance is planning to separate the Kanto and Johto Leagues, finally. There will be a whole new batch of Elite 4 positions opening up, and from what I’ve heard, you’re on the short list for one of them.”

“How did you hear about that?” Misty balked. “Lance said that information hasn’t left the Indigo League yet!”

“I have my ways,” Ash said with a grin, and Misty rolled her eyes. Lance was such a blabbermouth. “Lance is going to stick with Johto. You’ll need a new Kanto Champion, too.”

Misty perked up at that, realizing what Ash was getting at with a traitorous little flicker of hope in her stomach. “You want to compete to be the Kanto Champion?”

Ash shrugged a little shyly. “I mean, that had kinda been the idea. I’m not sure I have it in me to be Champion of both Kanto and Alola though. I’m not as young as I used to be.”

“Ash, you’re twenty-two,” Misty reminded him with a snort.

“Exactly! ” he laughed, but his expression quickly turned just a bit somber. “I guess I was just ready to, you know, have an excuse to spend more time at home… Around my favorite people.”

It was hard to tell in the dark, but she was pretty sure he was blushing. She tried not to think too much about that. “Favorite people, huh?” she prompted, bumping into his shoulder.

He smirked. “Yeah. My mom, Brock Tracy… Gary.” He drawled, and she bit back her smile to glare at him, unimpressed, until he finally cracked with a long, loud laugh. “And you, of course!”

“That’s what I thought,” she said haughtily, and after a beat, they both broke into giddy laughter. Once they finally settled down, Misty sighed, and summoning up her courage, she leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder, feeling him tense up at the motion. She forced herself not to think too much about that, either. “It’ll take Lance a while to get everything sorted out, you know. It might not be until next year.”

She felt him hum in acknowledgment more than she heard it, her heart speeding up as she felt his arm drape around her shoulders, and his head gently falling into a rest against her’s.

“Yeah,” he agreed, his voice just barely above a whisper. “I’ve already waited this long. What’s one more year?”

#pokeshipping week 2024 #pokeshipping #car’s fanfiction #satokasu #We made it today seven!! I think I’ll put a master list of these together too just for funsies #I hope you all enjoyed!! thank you for reading!#and thank you to everyone who participated!! this has been a fun way to keep sane this week! 😂

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lovegalor333 · 3 days ago

Text

fresh start

part two (chapters 4-6) previous part • next part

word count: 6.5k

content warnings: references to self-h*rm

Lily

Waking up with a hangover was humbling to say the least. My head pounded as I battled with myself to slowly open eyes, the sunlight streaming into my bedroom making me want to immediately close them again.

I needed coffee.

And after last night, I know my roommates did too.

I pulled on the closest clothes I could find. Some striped shorts and my favourite, over worn, UMass soccer hoodie before brushing my teeth hoping the taste of vokda would leave my mouth.

Walking to the coffee shop gave me the fresh air I desperately needed. There are few things that make me feel slightly humane again after a night of drinking: coffee, of course, a burning hot shower and fresh air. Coffee was next on the list and then I was going back to my apartment to shower away the remnants of my first night out here at UConn.

I cast my mind back to our evening at Huskies and the harmless flirting between me and Paige. She had a way with words that made my stomach flip and I wasn't mad about it. Kelsey said there were no rules about having fun when it came to our Single Sisters pact and that's exactly what I was doing, having fun. It felt refreshing to finally be feeling like myself again, sometimes it's hard to remember what I was like before everything happened. Before I loved and lost. But it's coming back to me naturally and the Lily I was two years ago would of had a field day flirting with Paige and that is what I intend to do.

I ordered Kelsey and I the same coffees we got yesterday and opted for simple americanos for Hannah and Madison, not knowing their personal orders just yet. The smell inside of the coffee shop alone was enough to bring me back to life an extra 10% so I couldn't wait to devour my drink. Once I had paid for and received my order, I took a big gulp, thanking myself for the early morning coffee run whilst my roommates slept in.

"Great minds think alike." I turned around at the sound of a familiar voice. A very tired looking Azzi, Ice and to my pleasure Paige walked into the cafè.

"Hey guys." I say, instinctively fixing my hair which, without looking at it, I knew was a mess. "Hungover?" I ask looking at the basketball players all dressed in some variation of Huskies gear. "Deathly." Ice replied strolling to the counter to get her caffeine fix. "Signs of a great night! Did you have fun?" Azzi asks me. "Yeah, for sure! Thanks for letting us hang." I smile at Azzi and she returns the pleasantry showing off her perfect teeth, "No worries, it was fun having y'all with us. We'll have to do it again sometime, build your Huskies tolerance." She laughs following behind Ice and getting in line to order.

Paige and I come face to face for the first time since last night and I can confidently say, it wasn't the alcohol or moody low lighting of the bar that made her look so good because she looks equally as good right now.

100% sober and in broad daylight.

"What is that?" She says scrunching her brows together pointing in my direction. I glance at the four coffees pushed into the holder in my left hand, "Coffee run. I was the first one awake, thought I'd get my good deed in early." I explain. "No, that." She says reaching out and tugging at the shoulder of my UMass soccer hoodie. "A hoodie?" I say confused. "Yeah, a hoodie from the wrong college darling. You need a Huskies one." She says matter of factly and I laugh. "The Huskies need to prove themselves to me first." I say cheekily. "Easily done." She quips back glowing with confidence...or cockiness, I couldn't decide but either way it was attractive.

"Here." Azzi hands Paige a to-go cup similar to the ones in my hand and Paige thanks her. "Walk back with us?" Azzi asks me and I nod, "Sure." Ice and Azzi lead while Paige and I follow them out of the cafè.

"Fan of nuts?" I direct at Paige as I glance down at her drink, 'Hazelnut' written on the lid. "Only the food kind." She smirks clearly remembering Kelseys joke from last night like I had hoped.

Being a girl who likes girls, it can be hard to navigate friendships and relationships. Not knowing if someone likes you or likes you can be confusing. Clarification from Paige, that she is in fact, for the girls put my questioning mind at ease.

"Ok, this is me." I say to the group as we reach my apartment building. The girls come to stop and we awkwardly hug each other over the numerous cups of coffee on our hands. "Happy hanging." Ice says as I wave the girls goodbye and walk into the building to supply my friends with the coffee I know they so desperately need.

"You're a literal angel!" Madison beams taking a sip of her coffee throwing her head back, eyes closed in exaggerated happiness. "A lifesaver!" Hannah agrees hugging the coffee to her chest. "My hero." Kelsey chimes in hugging me from behind, her head resting on my shoulder. I laugh at the girls around me and we all sit together on the couch ready to debrief our night. Real girlhood.

"I'm never doing that many shots again." Madison groans rubbing her temple. "Girl, you literally challenged a guy to see who could have the most and you did not back down." Kelsey laughed. "And I won." Madison says bowing to an imaginary crowd. "My best friends no quitter." Hannah hyped up her friend.

"Right, lets get juicy! Did anyone see someone they liked? Kels, don't think we didn't see you lip locking in the corner." Madison teases. "Actually, I didn't!" I say suddenly sitting up straight. "No, because you were with Paige most of the night. Don't think we didn't see that either." All three girls stared at me, brows raised, small smiles on their faces.

"No no, Kelsey first." I say diverting the attention back to Kelseys situation. "Listen, I saw a hot guy and took my chance, you can't blame a girl." She says shrugging her shoulders. "He's never hearing from me though, gave him a fake number." She grins happy with herself.

Three sets of eyes landed on me so I had no choice but to spill the beans.

"There was no lip locking, lets get that clear." I started with. "Just some harmless flirting, nothing serious." I tell the girls. "But Paige Bueckers, you know her lore right?" Hannah asks eyebrows raised. "Not exactly." I admit.

"She's the best college womens basketball player right now. She has thousands of boys and girls pining over her. She's wanted Lils and from what I could see she couldn't take her eyes off you the entire night." I roll my eyes, "Please, she was just messing. Clearly thats her personality." I defend the blonde. "Clearly not. I've been around Paige in bars enough times to know she doesn't pay anyone attention. She stays with her friends almost always." Madison chimed in. "And that's exactly what we are: friends!" I say exaggerating the last word to get my point across.

"Uh huh. I give it a few weeks max and there will be lip locking!" Kelsey nudges her elbow into my side. "Actually I'm taking my single junior year pledge very seriously, I will not be strayed." I stand my ground. "Who said anything about not being single. Word on the street is Paige doesn't do commitment but she does do - if you know what I mean." Madison says cheekily. "Oh my god! Enough." I stand up from the couch, covering my ears, slightly flustered at the thought.

Flirting is one thing anything further feels too soon. I'm notorious for catching feelings and I'm not about to get my heartbroken again.

The rest of the day was spent lazing around the apartment, going from each other rooms talking about anything and everything. At one point I was alone in my room aimlessly scrolling on my phone. I opened up Instagram and searched Paiges name without even thinking about it.

One million followers. Wow. Ok, maybe I didn't know much about Paige at all. I scrolled through her posts seeing endless streams of comments of adoration. People loved Paige. I went as far back as her ACL injury and my stomach sank a little for the girl. That must have been a hard thing to go through. I swipe off before I accidentally like something from two years ago, not that she'd notice. I choose not to follow her for the same reason but do find Kayla in her following list and follow her. Almost instantly she follows back.

"I'm about to cook some pasta, want some?" Kelsey asks, peeking her head round my bedroom door. Now that she's mentioned it, I am kind of hungry. "Sure, I'll come help." I say and stand up from my bed leaving my phone behind.

Kelsey puts some pasta noodles to boil on the stove while I cut some chicken to cook along side it. The small kitchen quickly becomes warm, too warm for me to be wearing a sweater. I do have a t-shirt on underneath, that's not the problem.

My scars are.

Kelsey has been nothing but understanding and loving in the few days I've got to know her but this is a big step for me. People don't always know how to react and I'd hate to make her uncomfortable.

"I'm sweating." Kelsey says as if reading my mind, pulling her own sweater over her head and throwing over onto the couch.

Fresh start, Lily. I remind myself.

Three, two, one. I count down in my head before mirroring my roommates actions, my own hoodie landing beside hers on the couch.

I feel vulnerable and slightly exposed but theres no way I would be able to hide this forever. I live with these girls and sooner or later, they were bound to see this part of me.

If Kelsey notices the deep scars along side the inside of my arm, she doesn't mention anything. We continue to cook our dinner and eat together at the table before washing our dishes.

"Look at us being housewives." She jokes as we finish tidying the kitchen. "Aren't we just perfect." I say back before flopping down on the couch still feeling the effects of last night. "The most perfect perfectly perfect pair." Kelsey says flopping down next to me linking her arm through mine.

She doesn't look at me when she says this and I understand why, "I'm here for you Lily. I don't know what exactly you've been through and I'll never push you to speak about it but I'm here when and if you're ever ready to talk." She says and squeezes my arm thats interlocked with hers before resting her head on my shoulder. "Thank you, Kels." I reply tears brimming my eyes. The reassurance and empathy from my roommate makes my heart swell, I'm so grateful for Kelsey.

I grab the TV remote and turn on Netflix and we settle down for an impromptu movie marathon. It was Friday and classes didn't start until Monday so the fact we we're still awake at 3AM watching our third movie of the night didn't matter.

I drag my defeated body to bed around 4AM desperate for sleep. I check my phone after leaving it for hours.

ice.bradyy followed you.

nika.muhl followed you.

azzi35 followed you.

janaelalfy8 followed you.

aaliyahedwards_24 followed you.

aubrey.griffin44 followed you.

kamoreaarnold followed you.

and last but not least,

paigebueckers followed you.

I cringe to myself at the thought of Paige scrolling through my feed the way I did hers. I quickly scan through my posts to see what Paige would have seen if she had and silently thank myself for the recent - and not to blow my own trumpet - hot selfie. Paige was quickly infiltrating my mind and I could only hope I was infiltrating hers.

I followed all of the girls back before falling into bed.

Paige

KK, Nika, Azzi, Kayla and I were spread out on the couches of our dorm all individually engrossed in our phones. We had been like this for most of the day, taking advantage of a rare down day before the basketball season and classes began again.

I didn't drink too much last night so I wasn't feeling the effects of the alcohol like some of the other girls were. Ice hadn't left her bedroom since we got back from getting coffee.

"Oh, Lily just followed me on Instagram." Kayla speaks up from her seat across from me. My attention was caught at the mention of the brunette that was living rent free in my mind at the moment.

"Whats her handle?" Nika asks, "I have some pictures from last night to send her." "Me too." Azzi adds.

"Lily.Kent." Kayla says turning her phone around to the group displaying Lilys feed.

I couldn't see too clearly from my position so I pulled up her page on my phone.

Damn.

"She's hot!" KK exclaims as if she had taken the words straight from my brain. I shoot her a glare, "She wants to stay single this year." I say to the girl. "And you know this, how?" Azzi asks quizzically. "She told me yesterday." I shrug.

"Wow, you already slid in? That's a new Paige record." Nika proclaimed. "And she rejected you?!" KK asks shocked but also slightly amused.

"She did not reject me." I make clear, "and I didn't slide in to anything. We were just talking and she mentioned wanting to stay single this year."

"And let me guess," Azzi starts, "you're taking that as a challenge."

"Damn right." I declared as I pushed the follow button on Lilys profile.

I'll be damned if I let anyone else be the reason she takes that bracelet off.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

Monday morning came around quicker than I expected and as I was sat with my roommates drinking our morning coffees before our classes started.

My phones ringtone rang out across the living room and I picked it up from its place face down on the couch.

Kayla was facetiming me.

It was 9AM on Monday morning so either Kayla was a morning person or she had something important to say.

"Hey K!" I smiled down at my phone and a very happy looking Kayla smiled back at me. "Morning Lily! Check your emails!" She blurted unable to stop grinning.

My emails? I've never given Kayla my email address.

"Ok, one second." I swiped off of FaceTime, Kayla now in a small box on the side of my screen. I opened up my mail app and refreshed.

The email at the top of my inbox was from Janet Knight. Oh my god! The job!

I quickly clicked on the email, "Oh my god!" I screech, "I got the job!" I say not only to Kayla but my roommates too who were all looking slightly concerned at my sudden high energy this early in the morning.

"Yeah you did!" Kayla triumphed with me as my roommates wrapped me in a hug.

"Congrats Lils." Hannah beams pressing a kiss on my cheek. "She's an employee!" Kelsey jokes.

"How did you know?" I turn my attention back to Kayla. She smirks, panning the camera around to reveal that she's seated in Janets office, "Thought I'd pop by and see Janet before class." She says winking at me.

"Welcome to the team, Kent." Janet says down the phone from her seat behind the desk. "Thank you so much Janet! You have no idea how much this means to me." I thank the woman, "I can't wait to start."

"That's music to my ears because - I'll send you your rota - but your first shift is Wednesday." She tells me.

"Ok, so we need to celebrate, right?" Kayla says turning the camera back to herself once Janet had stopped talking. "Oh please, not Huskies again so soon." Madison groans pushing herself in view of the camera, "I'm still recovering."

Kayla laughs, "I was thinking dinner at the Mexican restaurant downtown?" She asks us. "Immediately yes!" Kelsey calls from her place on the couch across from me. Madison, Hannah and I all agree.

"Amazing, it's a date! Now get to class y'all, you can't be late on your first day of junior year." She fake scolds before ending the call.

Kelsey, Madison, Hannah and I all leave the apartment together before eventually going our separate ways to our respective classes.

My day was filled with meeting my professors and classmates so time flew by and before I knew it the school day was over. Kayla had text me earlier, asking me to meet her at the athletics building once I had finished for the day so I was heading there now.

As I entered the building, the sound of balls bouncing let me know there was some sort of practice going on. I followed the sound to a set of double doors with the Huskies logo on the front. I peeked through the glass on the door, I saw KK and Azzi immediately, playing 1v1. I allowed my gaze to travel across the court, spotting the other girls and some I hadn't met yet too. I was slightly disheartened that a certain blonde wasn't on the court and was about to leave when my view was blocked by a body standing in front of the glass in the door, on the other side. The door was yanked open and I can only imagine I looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"Lily? What are you doing here?" Paige was the body blocking my view of the court, now my view was her.

She stood in front of me, lightly sweating and panting ever so slightly. She wore navy, UConn shorts and a short sleeve compression shirt, the sleeves scrunched and tucked into her sports bra straps, showing off her toned arms.

"Um-"

Why could I never think straight around this girl?

A small smirk spread on her face as she watched me struggle to find words. "I'm meeting Kayla." I smile, proud of myself for stringing together a coherent sentence while in Paiges presence. "Lucky for you, I'm heading upstairs - I can show you the way." She says stepping past me and leading the way to the offices.

I'm sure I could have found Kaylas office by myself but Paige didn't need to know that.

"Did you start classes today?" She asks as we walk up the stairs, her slightly ahead of me. "Yeah, been in them all day." I reply. "How did you find them?"

"Good, I guess." "You guess? Better than your last college though, you must have transferred for a reason." She says turning to look at me as we walk down the familiar corridor towards the offices.

"I didn't transfer because UMass was a bad college, besides it was more of an induction day today, no actual work got done but it was good!" I try and sound more positive. "Ignore my lack of energy, I forgot what it was like to be in a routine." I explain myself. "Why did you transfer then?" She asks looking at me slightly confused, head tilted. "It's a secret." I say smirking, making the situation more lighthearted than it actually was.

My reason for transferring wasn't a secret, I liked Paige and didn't want to scare her away.

Before Paige could press me for an answer, Kayla stepped into the hallway, seeing us approaching her office, "Hi guys!" she smiles wide.

"Hi Kayla!" "Hi K!" Paige and I respond and follow her into her office.

"Now, I know why Lilys here but whats up Paige?" Kayla questions Paige.

We both look at her waiting for an answer, "I- um -I.." She stutters and Kayla and I giggle.

Did Paige really not have a reason to be here? Did she lie about going the same way as me?

"Relax P, sit down." Kayla instructs and Paige shuffles her way to the couch in the office and perches on the edge, elbows rested on her knees and her face rested in her hands.

Kayla had asked me to come to the office to fill out some paperwork before I had my first shift and to also get my staff ID badge printed.

"If you just position yourself in front of the camera and I'll count down before I take the photo." Kayla says as I sit in front of the tripod. I fuss with my hair for a second and straighten my posture before pulling my cheesiest grin. "3..2..1." Kayla counts down before the shutter clicks telling me the photo had been taken.

Kayla leaves the room to go and collect the printed ID card and before I've move from my seat in front of the tripod, Paige crosses the room and stands looking at the screen on the camera that was displaying my photo, she smiles. "Is it bad?" I ask, "Am I blinking or something?" "Come look." She says beckoning me over.

I take the few steps that's needed for me to reach Paige and the camera and I squish myself into her in an attempt to get a look and the picture of me on the small screen.

Our bodies touching made my stomach do that thing it loves to do around Paige and I shiver slightly.

"Cold?" Paige asks hooking an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to her. Jesus. It wasn't just my stomach feeling things now. I shake my head, "No, jumpscare after looking at that." I joke about my picture, it wasn't bad in all honesty, I just looked like it was my first day of high school with that big smile on my face.

"Don't play, Lily." She says looking down at me, eyes as blue as ever. "You're insanely beautiful." She removes her arm from my shoulder and brings her hand to my face, tucking my hair behind my ear, grazing my cheek as she does. "Don't forget it."

I swallowed hard not knowing how to react to Paiges compliment or her touch, I just stared up at her my eyes flicking down to her lips before we were interrupted.

"Here, all done!" Kayla enters the room again, my newly printed badge and lanyard in her out stretched hand. Her eyes flip between me and Paige and our proximity and the obvious tension in the air. I cough, clearing my throat and step away from Paige taking my lanyard from Kayla and hooking it around my neck. "Thank you, Kayla."

"No worries girl. You ready to EAT?" She asks emphasising the last the word as she packed a few things away in her bag, getting ready to leave.

"Yes! I'm starved." I say suddenly extremely hungry after a long first day.

"Hey! What's this, going to eat without me?" Paige asks giving us her best pout.

I look to Kayla, she was the one who made these plans so I don't know who she invited although I hoped Paige was on the list, she clearly wasn't.

"Actually, I mentioned it to Ice, she said y'all are training late tonight." Kayla turns to Paige as we followed her out of her office. "That is true." Paige says, "Geno wants us in the gym, not that I need it." She flexes her muscles and I feel a blush creep onto my face. "Put those away." Kayla huffs and rolls her eyes at Paige playfully.

We say goodbye to Paige at the entrance of the basketball court and she disappears behind same the doors she appeared from earlier.

"The tension when you guys are in a room together is insane! Please tell me you're aware." Kayla says to me, grabbing onto my arm. I laugh, "Of course I'm aware, it's driving me crazy." I tell her. "So do something! Make a move." She encourages and I shake my head, "No. I made a pact to be single this year and I don't know Paige well enough yet." I say and both are true.

I mean, I care less about the pact - sorry Kelsey - but I feel like I need to know Paige more before our harmless flirting turns into anything else.

"But I know Paige, she a nice girl Lils, like really nice." Kayla defends her friend. "You would say that, you're her friend. How do I know she isn't entertaining a load of girls. I'm not looking to get my heartbroken." I say honestly to Kayla. "For what it's worth, she isn't entertaining anyone at the moment." Kayla continues, "Just say you'll be open minded." "I'm opened minded." I agree and I am, I'm just also healing and would like to minimise the need to heal again.

Paige

Practice ended around 9PM and I was beat. Ready to shower and go to sleep as soon as I was home. Azzi and I drove back to our dorm together, it was a short ride but it felt safer driving, especially at night.

"You're being weird." Azzi stated turning her body in the passenger seat to look at me fully. "Huh?" I asked even though I heard her perfectly. "You're so distracted, what's going on?" My best friend pushed, she knew me better than anyone else, sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself.

I shifted in my seat unsure how to answer because "I've got a brain numbing crush on a girl I met four days ago and I can't do anything without the thought of her entering my mind and taking over" sounded way too insane. I liked to keep it nonchalant but I was feeling pretty chalant when it came to Lily.

"Hello," Azzi waved her hand at me, "Paige you're kinda worrying me now." She said suddenly serious. "What? No, don't worry! There's no need to worry Az. I'm just- I'm..I'm down bad." I admit, pulling the car into park as we reached our dorm.

Azzi wasted no time before bursting out laughing, I shot her a stern glare, "What is funny?" I scowl. "You!" She continues to laugh, "You're never usually like this, what's gotten into you?" She asks. "I don't know, I think I'm maturing." I half joke puffing out my chest.

Azzi was right, I was never usually like this. No girl had ever had me flustered before the way Lily does. It's like every time I'm a room with her I want to be next to her, speaking to her, touching her. Not in a sexual way just in a 'I want you close at all times' way.

"Yeah right." Azzi rolls her eyes at the thought of me ever maturing. "Maybe you need someone to tone down your cockiness." She jokes. "I'm not cocky, I'm confident." I defend myself. "And I'm confident that's your girl." Azzi says pointing through the windshield, I follow her gaze and sure enough Kayla, Lily, Hannah and Madison are walking towards the apartment building, they must have just finished up with their dinner. "Stay here and thank me later!" Azzi says swiftly jumping out of my car and jogging over to the group.

I watch as a few words are exchanged and Azzi gestures over in my direction. Kayla, Azzi, Madison and Hannah then walk into the apartment block, leaving Lily alone but its only a few seconds before she makes her way over to my car.

"Hey Lily." I say through my open window, "Hi Paige, what's up?" I was unsure what Azzi said to get Lily to come over to me so I had to think fast with what to say. "How was your dinner?" I ask. "Oh, it was great! I love Mexican food." She says with a smile. "How was practice?" She asks me in return. "It was good today, hit some personal records." I flex my biceps, "Can you tell?" I smirk at her. "Hmm I don't know." She squints her eyes dramatically. "Maybe you'd have a better view if you got in the car and it wouldn't look like I was trying to kidnap you to anyone walking past." I say matter of factly and watch as Lily walks round the front of my car, to the passenger side and lets herself in.

"So, I know the dessert at the Mexican place downtown sucks, let me make it up to you." I say to Lily as she makes herself comfortable in my passenger seat.

That was a view I could get used to.

"What exactly are you insinuating Paige Bueckers?" She asks, brows raised and a small smirk on her face. God damn. Normal Paige would have wasted no time taking Lily straight to her bedroom but right now, I just wanted to spend time with Lily, be in her presence. Everything else would happen in time.

"Fro-Yo, of course." I grin and start the car, pulling away from the dorm parking lot.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

Unlike me, Paige knew Storrs really well so it didn't take long for us to arrive at the Fro-Yo place she had in mind.

"I'm about to get the biggest tub of Fro-Yo ever bought!" Paige says as she brings the car to a halt, cutting the ignition and removing the key. "Not as big as mine!" I challenge her and we both exit the car, meeting side by side in front of it before walking up to the shop.

I hold sweet treats very close to my heart and frozen yogurt happens to be in my top three sweet treat options.

There were no other customers in the small dessert shop so we headed straight for the counter. I glanced over the numerous flavours and topping varieties as if I didn't already have a go to order. Obviously, this wasn't my usual place but they still had all my favourites.

"What can I get you ladies?" The man stood behind the counter, dressed in a pinstripe apron asked us.

Paige ordered hers first, "Can I get chocolate with strawberries, brownie bites, cookies and cream, fruity pebbles and chocolate sauce please?" She realed of her order. The man nodded reaching for a tub, "Any allergies before I start?" "Not for me but she's allergic to nuts. All kinds." Paige replies before I even have a chance to. "Noted." He says and starts to fill the tub.

Paige turns to me and smiles and I smile back, big and wide, "Thank you." I mummble. It made me feel warm inside that Paige cared enough to remember my allergy. It seems really insignificant but sometimes its the small things that have a big impact. "I got you." She says turning to face me and leaning back on the counter.

"How's that club of yours going?" She asks me raising her eyebrows glancing at my wrist, my shirt sleeve covered my bracelet but I knew what she was talking about. "It's going strong." I say pulling my sleeve up slightly, exposing the bracelet. "I don't know, it looks like it's getting a little loose to me." She says reaching out and tugging on it like she did the night in the bar. "If you keep yanking it, it'll be more than loose, it'll break." I say pulling my arm away from her. "That's the plan." She says quietly as she turns around to collect her order but I hear her loud and clear.

"And for you? No nuts obviously!" The man says looking at me. "Can I please get strawberry with raspberries, strawberries, mango, chocolate chips, cookie dough and chocolate sauce?" I tell him my order and he swiftly begins to fill my tub.

I look at Paige who's already started eating her Fro-Yo. Her hair is pulled into a slick ponytail and she's changed out of her workout gear from earlier and is now wearing sweatpants and UConn hoodie, she looks so effortlessly good, I can't imagine the girl ever looking bad.

"There you go." My order was complete and I took it from the server, "Thank you." I say to him. "That'll be $12." He says. I reach into my pocket to grab my phone to pay with ApplePay but by the time I look up, Paige's phone is already tapping the card machine. "My treat." She winks at me and we leave the shop.

"You didn't have to do that, thank you." I say to Paige as we climb back into her car, desserts in hand. "I dragged you here, it's only right." She says before digging back into her frozen yogurt. "I came willingly, actually." I say back to her, I liked being around Paige and I wanted her to know that. "Good to know."

We ate our frozen yogurt still sat outside the store. Paige asked me about my new job and I told her that my first shift was on Wednesday and how excited but also nervous I was.

"This Wednesday?" She asked and I nodded, "Yep." "That's our open training day. Media usually come in, see how we're doing and do interviews." She tells me.

Janet hadn't actually said what my first day would entail but I assume I'll be part of the open training Paige was talking about.

"I guess I'll be there then so no pressure." I say smirking. "I don't know pressure, never met her." Paige says confidently and I believe her, she doesn't strike me as someone who doesn't believe in herself. "I don't know much about basketball so it'll be day of learning for me." "Wait really? You don't watch basketball?" She looks genuinely confused, she stops eating and looks at me dead in the eyes. "Nope, I'm a soccer girl." I tell her. "Oh, we have got to change that." She stated shaking her head.

We finish off our Fro-Yo and Paige yawns, she must be exhausted after a day of training, I know I would be. "Tired?" I ask her pulling on my seatbelt preparing to drive again. She nods, "The first week back is always the hardest. Just getting back into the swing of things after downtime kinda shocks the body." She says beginning to drive. "Sorry for keeping you up." I say glancing at the time, it was almost 11PM. "Lily, you're not keeping me up, don't apologise. I want to be here..with you." She says and my stomach flips at the last two words.

I swallow my pride, "Paige, was this a date?" I ask, anxiety kicking in immediately at the thought of having misread this whole situation. She glances at me quickly before putting her eyes back on the road in front of us, "Would you want it to be a date?"

Yes.

"I-"

"I know you want to stay single and you're part of that club and have that bracelet on that I want to rip off so damn bad but I want to get to know you Lily, like really know you." Paige admits and for a moment I just stare at her in shock but also affection. It's dark now and its just the streetlights illuminating the car we're in, lighting up Paiges features in the most flattering way.

"Yes." I finally say.

"Yes?"

"Yes - I would want this to be a date." I breathed.

I watch a small smile appear on Paiges face and spread, "Really?" "Really, Paige. I want to get to know you too and I'm tired of making excuses when you catch me staring." I laugh and she laughs with me.

It takes no time at all for us to reach my apartment building, Paige pulls up outside and turns her car off.

"What about your club?" She questions turning to face me fully so her back is rested against the door. "What Kelsey doesn't know won't hurt her." I say mirroring Paiges position, my back also resting against the door. "Let's just get to know each other without anyone elses opinions for a bit?" I offer. "Sounds good to me." Paige says reaching for my hand across the console. She breaks the touch barrier and I could've sworn I felt sparks. Her fingers intertwine with mine and she fiddles with the ring on my index finger.

"So is the reason you transferred really a secret or can you tell me?" She asks looking up at me from our connected hands, her eyes looking straight into mine.

"Secret is probably the wrong word but it's... a long and complicated story." I say truthfully. "I've got time." She says back to me and I can tell by the look on her face she wants to know and I want to tell her, just not now. "You're tired." I say placing my free hand over ours still locked together. "Another time, I promise." "OK." She agrees, "I'll walk you to your apartment."

We exit the car and my hand immediately feels lonely without Paiges in it.

Paige leans up against the front of her car and pulls me to stand in front of her, "I had fun tonight." She tells me, one hand in mine, the other on my waist. "Me too." I blush at her hand placement as my waist burns at her touch. She leans down and plants a kiss on my cheek, "We'll have to do it again sometime." She says in jest. "I'll have to check my calendar." I quip back. "You'll be free for me." She smiles and we walk into my apartment building.

Paige walks me to my front door, "For what it's worth, whatever your reason for transferring, I'm glad you did." She says. "I'm glad I did too." I add pulling my key from my bag. "Goodnight, Lily." She says pulling me into a hug before I open the door.

"Paige." I call her back as she begins to walk away and she turns back to me I take a few steps towards her and have to stand on my tiptoes to reach her cheek before pressing my lips to it, "Goodnight." I say and walk into my apartment with the biggest grin on my face.

No-ones in the living room and I'm thankful I don't have to explain where I've been or what I've done.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

#paige bueckers #uconn wbb #wcbb #wlw #lgbtq #fanfic #paige bueckers fanfiction #lovegalor333 #fresh start

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onlygenxhere · 3 days ago

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Kiss Me

It was nearing midnight on the tenth anniversary of her mother’s death and Julie was wondering if this would be the year she’d finally get up the courage to ask Luke to kiss her.

Again.

She’d asked him once before, five years ago on this very night.

She tried not to be obvious as she watched him from her side of the sofa, but his presence was more distracting than usual. Maybe because it was just the two of them left watching a movie they’d both seen before, or maybe it was the thought of what had happened last time bouncing around in her head.

She’d been a little tipsy, but not drunk. Luke had gotten them a bottle of her favorite pink wine even though she shouldn’t have had a favorite wine at all yet, being only twenty. But back then the anniversary of her mami’s passing always brought so much pain with it she tried to numb it as best she could. Luke had been the one to make sure she didn’t do anything too stupid ever since he’d rescued her from a party at Carrie’s house two years prior, before she could finish taking her shirt off and jump in the pool.

Flynn had been distracted with Carrie that night and Alex and Reggie seemed more inclined to let her do what she wanted, even if what she wanted was to get so shitfaced she threw up on her keyboard.

That had been another unfortunate anniversary.

But, five years ago, Luke had been hiding out in her studio garage having run away from home, so they’d been spending a lot of time alone together outside of band practice.

She’d finished her second large glass of wine and then crawled into Luke’s lap and asked him to make out with her. She remembered telling him the wine hadn’t been enough, and she needed him to help her forget, for just a little while.

“Julie, you don’t know what you’re doing.” He’d gripped her hips tight, pushing her back to sit more on his legs than his lap.

“I know exactly what I’m doing.” She remembered leaning forward and how he’d ducked his head.

“You know how I feel about you, but the band needs to come first right now.” He’d looked up at her from under his lashes and she’d felt like such a shit. “I need us to make it, and I can’t risk losing you no matter how much…” He’d sighed and dropped his eyes again, shaking his head.

The rejection had stabbed her in the heart, but she’d understood. He couldn’t go home until the band succeeded. She’d already lost her mother, but Luke still had a chance to get his back.

She’d slid out of his lap to the sofa beside him giving him a tight smile. He was right, she’d been impulsive and was risking messing up this amazing thing they had just to ease the pain in her heart for a little while.

But the wine made her both stupid and reckless and she couldn’t seem to stop herself from suggesting something a little more chase, just to see what it’d be like. She’d leaned into him and said, “Aren’t you curious?” Because as practical as she knew in her head it would be not to kiss, her body still very much wanted to know what he tasted like, what those full lips would feel like pressed against hers.

He’d taken her hand and turned sideways so he could look her in the eyes and if the rest of the night was a little blurry, she never forgot what he said next.

“Julie, I’m not sure I could stop kissing you if I ever did.”

Five years later and she could hear those words in her head like he’d just said them.

She wondered if he remembered.

She’d never really stopped wanting to kiss him.

Through boyfriends and girlfriends, the desire had faded to the background for the most part but was never really gone.

Ten years since Rose Molina had died and in ten more Julie would be the age her mami was when she passed. Was she really going to spend whatever time she got left not going after the one thing she’d wanted as much as she’d ever wanted anything?

The band was doing well. Successful even. They weren’t internationally known yet, but they were on the verge of a major break.

Luke had made up with his parents. They’d all grown up, moved out, and were making a pretty decent living playing music.

Flynn was at her parent’s helping her mom with her dad who had broken his leg last week doing something fifty-five-year-old men shouldn’t be doing so they wouldn’t be interrupted.

She wasn’t dating anyone.

She was pretty sure Luke wasn’t dating anyone.

The question was, was she willing to risk rejection again just to know what it would be like to kiss him. To finally find out if the chemistry she felt every time they were together was more than just the music that ran through both of their hearts and veins.

~*~

Luke could feel Julie’s eyes on him as he pretended to watch the movie. He really should go. It was getting late and the longer he stayed the more he didn’t actually want to leave.

He wished Flynn or one of the guys had been able to stay. Take some of the tension he could feel in the room away. He wasn’t sure what was going on with her tonight. He’d spent the anniversary of her mother’s death with Julie for the last eight years.

Some years had been loud and chaotic with partying and drinking. A few had been quiet and mostly ended in big puppy piles with their friends. He could handle either version of Julie on the anniversary of the loss of Rose Molina, as long as she made it through to the other side without hurting herself or others, he’d always felt like the night was a success.

But tonight felt different. They’d had pizza and chatted about the new album they were working on but didn’t fall into a writing session like they did nine times out of ten. They’d gossiped about Alex and Willie and when they were going to get married or more importantly who would propose first. They talked about her dad and the date he’d been on last week that had him back home by eight. They’d tried not to snicker as he got them to delete the app off his phone as he informed them all he definitely wasn’t ready to move on.

Luke had understood. He let his eyes slide over to Julie for a moment. He’d been trying to move on from her for years with little to no success. He tried dating, but it never lasted. He inevitably ended up pushing them away by talking about the band, Julie, too much. He’d tried casual relationships, but they only fed his physical needs, and he wanted more than that in his life.

Five years ago he did one of the stupidest things he’d ever done in his life. Right up there with eating poisoned hotdogs and spending the night in the ER trying not to die.

He’d turned Julie down when she asked him to kiss her. But even more importantly he didn’t talk to her about it the next day when she was for sure sober and ask if she’d been serious, see if she still wanted to kiss him without the half a bottle of wine coursing through her.

Because he wanted to kiss her. He had then and he did now. The only thing that had changed in the last five years was how successful they were now and how much he loved her. He hadn’t thought he could care about her more than he had then, but he’d been wrong. The way he felt about her then felt like standing in the sun until you started to sweat. Now it felt like he might burn alive from the inside out when he stood in the sunshine of her voice, her eyes, her smile.

That little part of his brain that had told her no that night still whispered what if it wasn’t good. What if she didn’t feel the same. What if changing the dynamic of their relationship broke the band up.

What if it was the best thing that ever happened in his whole life.

“Julie?” “Luke?”

He turned to see her biting back a grin. He should have been surprised at the determined look in her eyes, but he wasn’t.

She threw the blanket on her lap up onto the back of the sofa and slid over into his lap, never looking away from him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He placed one hand on her back and one on her knee as he took a deep shuddering breath.

“So.” Julie sighed.

“So.” He nodded.

“Five years ago…”

“You asked me to kiss you, and I said no.”

She nodded. “You said no.”

“Are you asking again?”

“Yes.” She licked her lips, her eyes dropping to his before flicking back up to his eyes. “But this will be the last time.”

He nodded. “I’m not sorry I told you no that night five years ago.”

She started to pull away.

“But!” He held her tight. “I should have brought it up again in the morning.” He reached up and tucked a curl behind her ear. “I should have asked to kiss you at least a couple of years before you asked me that first time.”

“Yeah?” A ghost of a smile quirked at the corner of her lips.

“Five years ago, I was too scared of losing everything, including you, to risk our friendship on the chance that we could be… more.”

“And now?”

He felt her threading fingers in the hairs on the back of his neck as he took another deep breath. “I’m not afraid anymore.”

She nodded before she started to lean closer and whispered inches from his lips. “I think we’ve put this off long enough.”

He put his finger between them and grinned when she pulled back with a frown.

“I told you five years ago I didn’t think I could stop kissing you if we ever did. Just wanna make sure we’ve said everything we need to…” He licked his lips. “For now.”

She snickered as she leaned in again. “You talk too much.”

Their lips met and Luke had been right. He didn’t think anything, but maybe the threat of bodily harm, would make him want to stop kissing Julie Molina.

She seemed to feel the same because neither of them spoke again for a very long time.

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #juke #happy juke jeudi!#not sure where this came from #just a little fluff #aged up characters #alive au #friends to lovers

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bobendsneyder64 · 5 months ago

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It's confirmed! I'm going on a holiday, alone, for the first time ever! I just booked the hotel and got a confirmation email so its official now! Really looking forward to it!

#me #personal #holiday #this is a really big step for me #all the other times i went on holiday were with my family #last year i did a one night away alone for the first time #and now im going on an actual holiday #its 4 nights and 5 days #but still #im going to one of the dutch islands #so no language barriers #really wanted to go back #and now i decided to do it alone #i cant keep waiting for someone to want to go with me #and i want to do stuff like this too #so on my own it is #luckily im used to being alone cause i live alone #i think ill be fine #after being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and going to therapy #and finding out so much about myself and working through it and findin solid ground again #this is a big step but i am ready and looking forward to it #im gonna still be nervous as hell on traveling day #but i can do this!

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acid-ixx · 14 days ago

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ch.4: again &. again (platonic! yandere batfam x neglected! gn reader)

directory: preq, chapter one, chapter two, chapter three, chapter four

read until the end for an author's note.

tw: self-esteem issues, alcohol abuse, allusions to self-harm.

"baby bird, i know i haven't been talking to you much as of lately. but i just want to let you know that we miss you alright?"

not delivered.

"i really regret ignoring you, we all do. i'm-"

he hesitates, then deletes the last word of his message.

"—we're the ones in the wrong for everything, alright? you blocked me, i'm sure you did for everyone else too, i get that, but we care for you now and that won't change anytime soon. please remember that."

not delivered.

"and it pains me seeing that you're not replying to my messages at all, baby bird. but i promise i'll-"

dick bites his lips at the mistake of addressing himself only rather than that of the family, but a greedy part of him wants you to read the messages and to see only him in spite of everything rather than them, feeling a sense of... need to be the first and only one you see when you think about accepting their apologies, even if he's writing to you whilst simultaneously trying to get his family in your good graces.

dick doesn't know it. why he's suddenly obsessed with you. you? yes you, his stupidly precious sibling, the one who looked up to him, frail and wronged by the world, with so much drive behind that stare. third child of bruce, yet second youngest in the family. the one that got away, the one he has never once saw outside that one memory of glinting, awe-inspired eyes that told more stories than poets, drew more emotions than artists.

nobody saw you outside of your status as the manor's ghost— but compared to your other siblings, he knew you the most. he wants to be the only man good enough to be considered your brother, your oldest brother; an obligation he's willing to uptake just for you. he wants to be the only one with the authority to call you his baby bird. he doesn't know why, despite the thirteen and a half years, it's him wanting, no, needing to see you again.

you, just you.

every bits and pieces of you.

in his mind, it's just him and you. in your tiny little bedroom, with your dozens of sketchbooks and diaries, with only your brother, dick, to accompany you. in your own little world, as you speak to him of your dreams and passions with nothing else in your mind. you'd look up at him with sparkling eyes, look at him like he means everything in the world to you, and he'd see you as his world.

when he thinks of that, the more he hopes of the possibility of you reading his messages; his declaration of never leaving you alone anymore. and with hope comes along this dread that you'd reply with a nasty reply, or that... you'll never bat an eye him anymore.

dick doesn't take a second glance to correct his mistake again this time.

"i promise i'll be better for you baby bird. my little hatchling, my little one. i discarded you, someone so precious. you must've felt hurt, no? i get that, i'm so sorry you have to go through that because of me. but look! you have me now, we have each other now! and that might not be enough yet to mend the bridge i left to fall, but if you just, please reply to me, or anyone else, then we can fix this. i promise, baby bird."

not delivered.

"you won't ever feel hurt anymore, or sad or lonely. hell, even bruce is getting you a new bedroom fixed up, isn't that great!? i'll even convince the old man to make sure your room is close to my old one so you can visit me anytime. i'll even stay over at gotham for even longer, just for you! and i'll spend my time with you, with just the two of us, okay? nobody else can disturb us. i'm sure you'd like that too."

not delivered.

"and we can hang out anytime you want, no? sleepovers, movie nights, journalling— all the cool stuff you wanted to do with me in the past, we can do now! and it'll be fun with you, i can see it happening alrrady, i just know it. you can't convince me otherwise, baby bird."

not delivered.

"that's why i'm begging you to unblock me, little one, or to at least read all my previous messages, please? :( i'm still so sorry over how i treated you in the past. i've nothing to defend myself over how i acted towards you. i was so delusional, ignoring you when all you clearly wanted was to spend time with me, with the family."

not delivered.

"we can even have that dinner together, remember?! at that fancy restaurant you talked about, yeah? my treat, of course. you can order the entire damn menu and i'll leave you room for seconds and desserts. i can even make arrangements to get bruce to rent out the entire restaurant so it would just be the two of us plus the family, but mostly just us— that would be good! then you can sleep at my room after we get home to the manor since we're turning your old one into an atelier just for you! i'll even carry your cute little figure up any flight of stairs whenever you get tired."

not delivered.

"i promise i'll really make it up to you baby bird!!! <3"

not delivered.

"for all the times we neglected you, left you thinking you didn't deserve a spot in the manor (which you truly do, it's us to blame for never seeing it that way), made you feel negative emotions towards us— i'll take your pain and turn that into joy, i promise."

not delivered.

"and if you do manage to read through all this, please remember..."

not delivered.

"i love you so much, alright? we'll find you soon, and you'll be happier with us, i'm sure of it. i love, love, love you so much my baby bird."

not delivered.

he sighs, resigning his thoughts all to himself as he checks his phone every minute for a simple ring of notifications just from you. he prefers to leave his phone in silent mode from the multitude of other contacts bothering him, but god forbade if that means he'd scroll past to a single reply of yours, then he'd rather burn in hell.

and anything is better than the pain inflicted on him when it comes to the thought of you ignoring him.

because after all, he does mean it when he says he loves you, his baby bird, his adorable little sibling.

he'd rather hell than you seeing him any less of an older brother.

what takes longer? is it a seed growing into a bud, a bud into a bloom, or a flower to fully shrivel and die?

how long does it take for it to be considered worthy? deserving of attention and the rightful spotlight to attain its needs for life?

what takes its time? what other variable does it need for it to survive in such harsh conditions? if it's forcefully pried open as a seedling, as a bud growing in a field full of weeds sapping, draining it of its nutrition, or in a scorching, desolate desert, or pestilent lands; would it still be considered a flower?

what does a seed need to grow into a flower? beautiful, treasured, with vibrant colors reflecting off the surface of each petal, growing pollen for every pollinator to spread its bountiful success you call development?

what does it require?

everyone knows the answer, some could only be ignorant enough to turn the other way and reject the idea altogether.

it needs care, nourishment — healthy soil building a strong foundation, its home with roots carefully embedded in the ground, then it also requires water, a source of life given to it in specific times with just the right dose, and sunlight kissing its stems and petals warmly — and finally, love.

lots of love, attention, and patience from mother nature herself and its caretakers we call humans.

but how could a flower receive any, if not, all it needs, if it's raised under a marshy, overgrowth rainforest that speaks of death and cruel poachers that could step on the bloom of any moment?

how could a flower live, let alone survive, if its careless caretakers who took it away from its fertile lands neglect it of its requirements to grow and bloom into its rightful imagery?

just how?

you are a flower.

and you will wilt soon the longer you live in what you once thought was your home.

growing in cracked, dry soil, with no water nor sunlight aiding your growth.

you are a flower.

who had been loved by your creator, mother nature herself; your mother. but you've never once felt the care nor love of your cruel humans you call family, your father had never once saw your budding petals, kissed it, patiently watered or spent time outside in the sunlight with you. your brothers don't notice your dehydrated pets, shriveled leaves and bent stems, nor do they tend to it. your sisters don't decorate the pot you reside it, they don't talk to you every time you sag down in loneliness and isolation as you are forced to stay in the same place and witness the same scenarios over and over again.

not much knows it, but flowers, much like any plant, can communicate, they can feel. and when they do, they do deeply.

and you are a flower. a flower worthy of being pressed into books, storing your beauty forever. a flower worthy of being situated into a stunning arrangements of bouquets, worshipped through birthdays, dates, weddings, and even funerals.

you're a flower, and you're beautiful and deserving of praise and honor from your stages in life as a seed, from a bud, to a blooming flower. yet you're neglected the same way ignorant trespassers would step on growing blooms, uncaring for sabotaging their life completely, and oh-so easily.

you're a flower, a symbol of nature's fertility, resilience, and tranquility.

you symbolize your mother's long standing determination to care for a child whose father looked other ways but her. who raised her seedling with care, watered them with stories of fairytales: fantasies about prince charmings who take their flowers away from barren lands to spoil them with rich soil and neverending sunlight, about princesses who stop by flower shops to awe at the arrangements of bouquets, eyes glazing with fervor as they recount each and every symbolism every unique flower shares.

your mother places you in your favorite, decorated pot: your shared bedroom with her, and she kisses your cheeks, your forehead, your chubby little fingers, the same way the illuminating sunlight kisses at your flushed body whenever you two would go out for your walks.

she was your mother nature, and you were her precious flower.

you were once a blooming bud then, and you wished you would still bloom now.

how could you grow into what you're worth, when even you couldn't grow without the love that was taken from you?

what about the care, the patience, the determination she once held in her warm gaze, now cold and fading with life the last time you saw her; would it all be a waste?

how could you grow now?

and yet you don't even need to ponder for solutions. the answers were clear, clear as the water your petals used to bathe in, clear as the rain that pitters against alfred's car windows the same day you were taken away from your mother's hold—

you simply wilt.

8:31PM.

your friend said she'd pick you up quarter to nine, so you'd at least have the time to prepare and make yourself look good. but right now...

god, right now, you don't feel anything good, not even a wee bit of it at all. ever since he texted you, you feel like shit, utterly repulsed. vile, like the image of you vomiting every contents of your stomach— and now you're going out drinking with an empty one. you can already feel the bitter taste of heavy alcohol mixing in with the acids of your stomach.

you can already feel the breakdown you're having right now as you remember how fucking broke and useless you are for having to ask your friends to treat you to drinking because you have nothing left to offer beyond the fucking taxes you have to pay and the nearly due rent and bills.

you have nothing to offer. you're so shitty. you deserve to die.

the more you stare at the mirror, the more your eyebags seem to deepen, your lips began to dry, and the pit in your chest sunken.

and that makes you exhale even deeper, ignoring the way your throat constricts on itself in instinct.

your eyes flitter to your fingers, nails bitten, skin ripped at the seems with dry blood staining chipped cuticles.

when you looked back at your reflection, you want to cry even more, seeing an image of a moving pile of flesh. all puffy skin and sagging eyes.

you don't remember the last time you felt pretty about yourself.

whether it was in the manor, or back when your mother was the only one raising you— it seems like your memories are in shambles right now.

you don't remember the last time you looked in a mirror, looking healthy, fresh, and proud of yourself for dressing up in your style. in the back of your mind, there will always be hatred, resentment for how you look. and right now, you hate how you every bit of your appearance because...

because you look exactly just like an image of your mother and bruce wayne. a reminder, your punishment for your parents' beautifully tragic affair with one another. a billionaire who courted the lowly dirt-class slut of gotham.

yet you're uglier because you're not them, you couldn't be them. you're not picture-perfect brucie with slick-black hair and a face like fine-aged wine, or the image of your sultry, "man-eater" mother in her lingerie. you're just, you— you've inherited all the stupid flaws you wished you could shave off your damn body.

you remember seeing your father's face in television with your mother beside you by the couch, combing your hair and giggling when your eyes had lit up at the sight of the rich man. you haven't once took your eyes off the news channel whenever he appeared, looking at bruce, always enamored with his aesthetics, only to never notice your mother's tired eyes, or how shaky her fingers would sometimes become.

"momma, that's daddy, right?!" you asked her whilst the side of your body was pressed against hers, with all the enthusiasm a child could muster. your grin was wide, eyes peeled to the screen, enough to ignore the flinch in your mother as you had once thought it was her igniting with the same excitement as yours.

she simply leans down and kisses your cheeks, her eyes, a beautiful shade of your eyes color, albeit lighter in hue, never once left the crown of your small head, ignoring the headline for the news about 'brucie's new fling caught on camera!'.

your mother was so glad you were still illiterate at your age. she wish she could never break off the illusion that it was her who simply birthed to you, with no face for a father. maybe you would've never ask her about why he had never once came to visit your small family, why you could never meet your other siblings, or why he's seen with multiple other women by his side every time you open the television.

you ask at frequent intervals; it makes her wish to strip away the past in which she chose to tell you who your father was. you would've experienced less heartbreak, she would've never seen the way your eyes would dim at her every excuse, or the way she felt your heart crack at the seams, only further breaking hers.

yet after a while, she replies and buries her thoughts, ignoring the tears that lid her eyes. with not so much enthusiasm in her light voice, with the undertones of guilt and sorrow digging deep throat her throat, but it was enough for young, little you to jump on your springy couch with her response.

"... oh, yes, that's your papa...! isn't he so nice looking—?"

"and handsome! i'm so lucky to have such beautiful parents! i wish i was as pretty as you, momma, and daddy too!"

when you had looked up with haste, glinting eyes staring up at her with a wide grin, some baby teeth still present, others absent from your gums, yet you displayed admiration no less; your mother just as quickly wipes her red eyes and sniffling nose with the worn sleeves of her sweater and reciprocates your beaming energy with a small smile.

she wishes you'd dismiss her previous melancholic expression, replacing it with the same fond, yet tired gaze she always offers you, wishing you'd be as oblivious to the pain it brings her to see your hopes and dreams of meeting a father you could only admire through a screen or article. yet you're always so perceptive, so interlinked with her reactions that she's sure that one of the few positive traits your father had given you. she should've expected your words, yet her broken heart finds a path to heal whenever you sense her pain and soft a bandage to the cracks of her bleeding scars with your kindness.

you would always be her little flower. the one she'd nurture in a garden filled with rosy bushes and scarring thorns.

"—you're so beautiful, momma, even if you cry because daddy isn't here with us, or you're too tired taking care of me. you're beautiful because you're my mother, and i'll take you over everything in the world..."

and you tell her, an inaudible whisper to your voice, with eyes that were once wide, beaming with joy, now gazing at her with softness like the wind kissing blades of grass in a gentle dance. you look at her, and she stares back, eyeing your chubby cheeks and lips the same shape of hers, the ends of your lashes curves the same way as hers, and your voice matches her like a lullaby when you speak every vowel in a soothing lilt.

you calm the hurt in her chest, replacing it with a mellow warmth. she even forgot the tears that slowly dripped her eyes, all replaced with the comfortable softness of her precious child's palms, smooth and cozy, resting on both of her cheeks as you pepper her crying face with kisses.

she holds both your palms caging her, and allows the your hold to linger for longer. the silence ensues, yet you both embrace the unsaid assurances.

it's times like these where she realizes you encapsulate the beauty of both worlds.

it's moments like this, she sees herself in you, and maybe she could lead herself to believe that she is beautiful, because she sees her beauty through her child, her grace.

the memory only further deepens the guilt in your heart.

if there's one word to describe you now. it would be disgrace. to your father's honor, and your mother's legacy. for easily letting yourself go, for being so weak, for being the line that jumps between two polar opposites of one another; trying to traverse their path of belonging.

you're a disgrace, a mistake, and you deserve to be treated as such.

it was why you never find yourself beautiful. a person such as yourself would always find allure, worth in all things chaotic - you live in gotham after all - but never find that same value in yourself as you look at your reflection that distorts your image even more, making you uglier and uglier the longer you look.

split ends everywhere, hand tangled, reddish eyes from nearly crying again.

even if you beat at yourself, erratic and impulsive, even if your skin is colored an ashen blue and purple, rotten shades of yellow and red, you think of yourself ugly and repulsive.

no matter how much color you try to bring into your bleak, repulsive life, at the cost of hurting yourself to become pretty— every part of you will always be that ugly, little duckling in comparison of your siblings who always outshone you.

dick with his playboy body, jason and his towering one, tim with soft boyish features, damian's silky tan and smooth skin, and duke's baby face.

you couldn't even have your hair frame you as perfectly as steph's light blonde hair does, or share barbara's proportionate face, or look as gracious yet deadly like cassandra.

you're nowhere near as special, you're not like them. you have features too unique, yet out of place, and you couldn't bring yourself to be conventionally good-looking.

you hate yourself so much. you hate every little mole, every little pimple, every damn imperfection that litter your body, making you even lesser than what you already are.

your family; mother, father, brothers and sisters, god, even your fucking friends! every time you sit by them side-by-side, you'd feel insecure, imperfect, an eyesore and you just want to strip away every part of your limbs one by one if that meant replacing it with even better ones; all for the sake of at least feeling pretty.

you remember the first time you tried to find a sense of style, and damian's comment and– god fucking damn it—!

your hands found its way to your brushed hair, tangling itself through already fragile strands to rip at the seams. you don't care, you don't fucking care, you pray to any god out there to get them out of your head, pleas unheard, you're always left to hurt.

"what are you trying to achieve with that, huh? what even are you trying to think with that horrendous color combination? what are you, a clown? even that damned joker has more coordination than you think you could achieve."

in front of his friend, jon kent, with a scowl on his ever-so angry face and his hand already making a way to grip his sword; an absolute threat to dice you up shall you ever bother being in the same room as him.

he said that to you... you're older, you could've been stronger, could've at least found a semblance of fight in your bones. but no! god, no. your life was ruled with fear with damian wayne being the demon haunting you in the manor, always making living harder, making breathing a heavy task.

how could you ever fight back? not when you've conditioned yourself to tear up at the slightest bit of noise, feel goosebumps prick your skin when you hear someone raise their voice at you, and your heart rate hasten at the slide of a knife against any surface?

you! you who's so fucking weak to even make a comeback. you, who ran away with wide, traumatized eyes. because you're scared, so fucking fearful of an even bigger cut to your skin marked by damian— even if you're accustomed to cutting yourself with even deeper gashes.

because it's him that you fear, not the pain, not anymore. just him and his contempt at you for ruining his pure bloodline just by you being his half-sibling.

you don't want a repeat of your first meeting, or any meeting with him at all. not when you'd drown even deeper in a pit of fear every time you stare at his glaring, emerald eyes. one that tells you he chose to merely not kill you out of the goodness of his heart. but he will, god he will if he feels you've been too comfortable in his presence.

every damn time, everytime you feel fear, you see green. you hate green, any literal meaning of it, every implication of itx even seeing it, and fuck! your outfit has green embellishments.

you feel even uglier, yet the twinge of fear immediately overpowers any concern your had with your appearance. it's as if eyes were suddenly on you, and it's not only yours staring at you in the mirror.

your lips wobble, snot began blocking through the passage of your nose.

fuck, fuck, fuck.

why?! why can't you just forget about them all. why, why, why?!

you bite your lips harshly to conceal the pained whimpers from the back of your throat, but it doesn't work. it only makes the fear worse.

tears rim at your eyes, you merely wipe them away. your heart attempts to beat out of its gilded cage, yet you swallow your quivering chokes and proceed to continue staring at yourself in the mirror, dressed in a rush, with nothing to conceal your ghastly eyebags and sunken skin.

and green. you'll see it everywhere now. fuck, would dick send out damian to kill you now? you don't know, you're scared but you can't chicken out, not when your friend is already near to your apartment. god you wish you had beer in your cabinets instead, but you're broke and unprepared for life and your hair's all in a tangle and you just fucking want to die.

your hands grip at the edge of your sink, you look at your mirror and see the blood on your already bitten lips.

not even concealer can cover the damn scars all over your face all through the neck.

calm down.

you stare even deeper at yourself and ignore the green, trying to think of something else—

something less emotionally scarring, like your appearance. even if it brings you great pain, too, you'd rather that than your family. no more of them, fuck, no more. even if you stare at your eyes and see that familiar mix of colors of your mother and bruce's eyes. the shape of your face, even the curve of your brows all resembled your late mother— and you miss her, her captivating beauty that you never saw aged like fine way before she was taken away from you. you see bruce in the strands of your hair and the way it sometimes fray when too stressed. you see them in every image you wish to erase of yourself.

yet your genetics are nothing to them, not when you can't even care for your tangled hair or ashen skin.

even the dead looked more lively than you ever could.

with a pale complexion, with scars that litter all over your shoulders, wrists, and hidden parts of your body, one you're too ashamed to show anybody— it was no doubt that you looked pathetic and erased the beauty that both your parent's cultivated. and it makes you wonder; would it really be worth it?

would it be worth it if the people around you see you?

you with your melancholic eyes, trying to find an escape in a maze you call your mind? you can picture yourself drinking alcohol until you reach the domain of death, sitting in a stool, alone, as you nearly empty the contents of your stomach remembering the sole reason why you're there in the first place.

would it be worth it if all eyes suddenly were on you? they turn to you to gaze at the ugly bruises on your body, they mock your appearance, call you names, look at your sniveling, red nose and warm cheeks intoxicated from all the heavy liquor you'd down, and whisper. they'll whisper insults, slurs, and every known jab until it's all their words that pierces through your eyes, until the loud bass becomes mere background chatter for all the gossips that ensue.

are you actually going to do this right now?

you don't know, you don't know and you wish never cared as much.

all you could really focus on was your eminent goal of getting out of your stuffy apartment, to rid of the paranoia that somehow, you're being watched over in the confines of your four walls and that the familiar image of green will come attack you. the more you think, the more the hairs on your skin start to raise with every known intention to signal you of your anxiety.

eyes, they may be everywhere.

eyes, eyes, eyes. as you stare at your eyes, you try to ignore emerald eyes, they dilute even further. you gulp, yet your focus remains distorted. images flash at the mirror, and suddenly they're here, with you, with their eyes. bright blue for some, dark green for another, and they all gaze at you with contempt. one's hand claws at your throat, the other pins your wrist down on the edge of the sink. the eyes glare, and they never soften. yours merely shook, unblinking as your breathing becomes heavier; trapped in the cages of their wanton staring.

you yelp, then blink. when you did, they're gone. and you're back to looking at the same image of yourself. you grimace slowly.

ugly, with dry skin and falling hairs. the worst version of you, the normal version of yourself— there was never a best version for you.

as long as it's you, you'll never be enough.

all you wanted was to drink with your friends at a club; some working nightshifts at the location you're going to— yet you want to back down. want to take your phone by the corner of your vision and cancel your sudden plans.

but you're scared, you're so fucking scared of any new messages.

hell, even finding the contacts for your friends was a task in itself you wish to never repeat. with jittery fingers trying to type of messages and blurry eyes navigating through the screen of your slippery, glass screen protector.

you're scared, rightfully so.

you're scared to find his message once more suddenly popping up, your fingers accidentally pressing on it like the clumsy swine you are, and rereading that damn heart over and over again.

you slam your dominant hand against the tiled sink, hard and uncaring for the pain it induced all throughout your body. the tremors of the impact shook you to your core, yet you seethe in your breath and don't allow yourself respite to let the tears flow freely from your already red eyes. you feel your heart beating erratically through your chest, the shivers controlling your body, the shrieks that you contained within you— and you enchain them all with no respect for yourself.

you deserve this. you deserve to be hurt, to be punished for your actions, for your mistakes, for your sins.

even if your hand became swollen, splotched with varying shades of disgusting purples and yellows, you won't treat it with medicine. even if the sharp edges of the sink broke the fragile layer of your already scarred palm, and bled profusely with that familiar shade of red; you won't rush to wrap it with gauze or even spare a droplet of betadine. even if by the next day you'd have to write out your overdue assignments with that specific hand, then you'll force yourself to learn through the other and punish yourself again if you fail once more.

you deserve this.

and as your phone pings, lighting up to show you a notification of one of your friend's messages about being ready to pick you up by the lobby of your apartment's ground floor, you ignore your injured hand and the bruises on your knees from falling so abruptly on tiled floors just moment's ago. you dismiss the ache of your head, the soreness of your eyes and the disgusting beat of your heart.

you ignore the pain that wrecks at your entire body, in favor of destroying it even more, just as you deserve.

you don't recall how many shots you had before you're nearly passed out by the bar, sitting on its stool with your head leaning on one both your arms crossed, drool close to slipping out of the corners of your mouth and heavy eyes lidded, about to fall into the depths of sleep.

you're sure you looked wasted, absolutely drop-dead drunk with no thoughts circulating in your head other than the pleasant buzz in your ears and the flash of colors in the disco balls blanketing the entire room with its neon lights. your face must've been an unearthly shade of red, and you can already feel just how blazen it is, and how your fingertips are ice-cold to the touch (probably colder than the marble you lay your arms upon). in other words, you're actually wasted.

and it's so worth it if it means it gets you to forget. and forget you did, because you can't even dig deep into your head to even remember a single memory of whatever grief you went through earlier in your apartment. not even the throb of your head from when you pulled your hair from its roots, all to the way you slammed your dominant hand on your bathroom sink, bruising it with unnatural shades of purples and yellow.

it makes you omit every type of pain, both physically, mentally, and emotionally. it doesn't cure you of your ails, but god forbid you if you just want to savor moments where nothing but a mind numbing headache is the only feeling present in your current state.

the remix of songs were long forgotten in your mind, they all become an amalgamation of miscellaneous sounds. your body is so inclined towards the flat, rectangular cool surface of the marble glass of the bar that you can guarantee you could sleep here, especially since black behan to cloud both your vision and your mind.

everything feels so hazy, and pleasant, and straight-out peaceful that the screaming tandems of equally drunk clubbers and the occasional sobers holding up their friends who sang along with whatever remix the dj comes up with, or the forming crowd as people began to rock and dance to the bass that shakes up the entire floor to the point you can feel vibrations run along your spine— didn't register within the crevices in your mind.

all you can focus on, is the gratifying pleasure ll alcohol induces in your body. gone is the feeling of fear that emanates off of every inch within your body. your bones don't feel as if it's locking up everytime you feel eyes on you, and your throat doesn't certainly feel constricted with the lack of flow of blood anymore.

god, this is why you've never once regret drinking right after the moment you turned eighteen— not when it's positive effects outweighs all the negative emotions that rule over your body.

you couldn't even notice a man with shades (seriously, who wears that to party? isn't the club dark enough?) sitting beside your drunken form in the corner of your eyes, raptured in the thin line between focusing on reality and drifting off to dream world. you don't even bat an eye to his muffled giggles and the way he twisted his stool just to admire the view: you.

you're oblivious to the entire commotion happening within the depths of his mind because you couldn't feel any aptitude to danger right now— thanks to the effects of the hard liquor overtaking whatever fear you've felt being watched long ago.

or maybe you just felt safe beside the stranger. or, you're merely drunk. you don't know.

fuck, you're so close to passing out.

you don't know where your friends are, where they came running off to but you know you won't be getting out her sooner or later and you definitely don't have a ride home. so your only way back without getting ambushed as a completely vulnerable citizen of gotham, is by a safer, more convenient means of a ride— but that certainly wouldn't be safe if your friends are as equally drunk, or even more so, as you. but does your hazy mind care? no. not when you flip your head to rest on the other side once the other side became hotter that you notice a conveniently attractive man staring right back at you with an entertained grin.

as if your existence alone makes him happy. as much as your mind keeps blanking out, that mere implication made your heart pang just a teensy bit. of pain, or pleasure, or mere joy, you don't know. but you do know that it triggered some unknown feelings and you don't want to feel.

you want to drink some more, feeling solemn all of a sudden just from staring at him. you're sure the obvious frown on your quivering lips and the heavy, hot sigh

and it doesn't help that his face seems similar. the longer you stare, the more his grin seems to sharpen. confidently? or shyly? you can't seem to gain a clear image of him; what when rainbow lights are blazing out through the holes of the disco ball and your eyes recently just opened to your near journey to traverse through sleep.

all you can make out to be is his jet-black hair, side bangs framing the left side of his face, a faint outline of an eyebrow piercing

you also took note of his spiky jacket— yet what draws you the most to him are his sunglasses that he chose to wear conspicuously in a damn club of all places.

he's attractive, to say the least, but he triggers a set of emotions deep into the cages of your imprisoned heart that sets itself free. he gives you a sense of nostalgia, of familiarity that you can't pinpoint but feel; like you've seen him before but don't know when. your eyebrows furrow in and your eyes squint at him, unknowing to the judgement you're subjecting him in. your lips wobble, though, because his presence just makes your heart feel something, akin to pain but not quite, and makes your head buzz that you just want to cry as a reaction.

he, the stranger, don't know it, but he makes you all sad, primal emotions overtaking any drunkenness you feel as deep tremors buzzed into the confines of your chest, until all you're doing is staring at him with pouting, downturned lips and sad, puppy eyes; rimming with salty tears.

you don't know why you feel sad all of the sudden, and you can faintly see through blurry, watery vision how his face shifted from entertained to worry, eyebrows raised and eyes wide open at your sudden mood shift.

maybe you or him could've spoken up, you more so, but you're just so emotionally drained and overwhelmed today that you began sobbing silently without breaking eye contact with the man.

despite you wanting to say anything: an introduction, a question opening up as to why he's staring at you, or even a mere phrase telling him to "back off"; the only words that came out from your parched throat, all from trying to reason in your head on what a proper sentence should be, were:

"you're hot," and if you were sober enough, you would've felt sheer embarrassment and shame from eyeing the boy, but you're not— and because you're not sober, or any bit sane, the next few sentences you spewed out were all coherent, yet wonkily pronounced utterances paired with teary eyes and sniffling nose, as you can't seem to control the feelings of melancholy in your heart and the sudden emotional burst from your ramblings.

"thank you, you too, actually— but are you alright-"

"you're so hot, god, please. i don't know..." you gave him no time to speak as you hiccupped, lips wobbling even more than you can imagine. and you're trying your damn best to rid of the urge to punch at your chest as a coping mechanism through the multitude of emotions eating you up and away. but you never realized you were trying for an absolute stranger, palms fisting into itself as he stares at you worriedly all of a sudden.

"like... you're familiarly attractive, i—" the next few sentences were incoherent as your words bubbled around you like detergent soap. your fingers found itself into your face as you try to wipe off both tears and nearly dripping snot as you continued rambling drunkly.

"you just! you're hot, for me, i don't know... i'm just, we all—eughh... i don't know, i'm so sad..." and you truly are, for no reason at all other than seeing the man. poor him, must've felt so ashamed that he's the reason you're crying but at the same time... nothing can really stop you from ceasing your tears.

at least, that's what you've convinced yourself to believe in. that you're truly incurable of the ailment of being constantly depressed with nobody to aid you with your troubles. not even your friends, nor past therapists that you've consulted.

you've nothing to comfort you, and that makes you even more solemn than ever.

the simplest of emotions felt, the deeper and complex you take it out to be. sadness, or moreover depression, the horseman of apocalypse that destroys any hope you've tried to kindle with your life.

it makes you all the more burst into a wave of even more tears.

"... okay, okay, wait here for me, alright?" he suddenly stood up, hurriedly, probably unsure, or disgusted by you. you're unsure about what he's saying, too caught up crying that you simply nod to whatever he said and continued on with your episode.

as you're left alone, you allow your tears to dry only cry once more. when he left you, you weren't aware but you just felt even more lonely. at pushing away the only company you had after your friends left you in the dust, you feel depressed and regretful and all emotions related to grief and you just want to drink some more but you don't know if you can take it anymore!

god, it all returns to pain. pain you thought you could bury deep once you took multiple swigs of alcohol.

pain that makes you want to bang your head against the marble of the bar��

and you're so close to doing so, but only stopped when your blurry vision sets itself on the man returning with a handkerchief and a cold glass of ice water. at his kind gesture, you simply teared up even more, pouting when he walked your way and looked at you with a sheeping grin.

when he sat right back up on the stool seated to your right, he hesitated with his hold on the handkerchief near your face. but the moment he gathered up his pride and pressed it against the unnatural blaze of your cheeks, you merely leaned closer to his palms, eyes closing as you can feel the tears cease itself finally at the blind comfort he's unknowingly providing you.

"there, there... be careful, 'kay stranger?"

he mutters, a light chuckle accompanying him. it's only now you can finally focus on the cool churn of his voice and the , with your eyes close and the haze of your thoughts washing away, leaving you breathless in your respite— not restrictive, nor lonely, but still short of breath.

this reminds you of the times alfred had to hold you in his arms everytime you threw a tantrum at the manor.

it made you realize that the months, a near year even, after leaving the manor, made you crave physical affection. making you feel like a husk of yourself when not given. you feed off of the scraps of physical lovez to the point that even this man who's wiping away the tears from your cheeks makes your heart beat faster, in a comfortable manner.

sensations. he once told you that if you feel too deeply within, then to ground yourself you must feel beyond interior ranges of emotions.

and that's the technique you've been willing away from your head for so long. because it always requires another person in the room to comfort you, to simply touch you softly, gently like you're porcelain the same way the stranger is pressing damp fabric against your tearstained cheeks and hollowed out eyes.

the pain you've felt was because you're merely touch starved. alone, in a space where everyone has someone, and a no one can't have anyone.

but now that you do have a someone, no matter how dangerous he could've been outside of your impression of him, you feel the pain lessen, the heavy burdens become featherlight at his kind gestures of wiping all the salty tears from your face, the runny snot from your nose with no rush whatsoever.

"feel better now, hon?"

"mhm..." a long, drawled out yawn emits from your mouth, yet you're too comfortable with him to even care, suddenly feeling a wave of drowsiness after your emotional episode.

after he finished wiping your face, and felt it considerably cool down from the damp fabric, he placed it on the bar, one hand on your face keeping you stable. yet his other hand promptly went back to your cheeks.

he chose to do this of his own volitions, even leaning closer as your head finds itself slowly dropping to his clavicle (careful to avoid the spikes from his peculiar designed jacket), looking up at him and staring at his gray eyes.

the man looks down at you as you now realize he's cupping your face. at the implication of your entire ordeal with him, you might've felt flustered sober, but you're just so drunk that any spacial awareness for the proximity between your bodies just disappeared and left you with the need to sleep within the confines of the safety this man left you with.

you don't know it, but yet again the man smiles down at your adorable antics, finding the way you're absolutely trusting of a stranger both stupid, yet endearing. because he's no more stranger, and heaven bless him because he's so glad he's the person who approached you rather than anyone else because you looked so cute, and his crush on you may have lead him to stalk you occasionally just to ensure you're safe— that doesn't erase the gesture that he did it purely because gotham is too dangerous for your own good. and he's glad he trusted his human side of intuition, rationalizing with himself that today just seems to be the day you'd bump into danger if he's not there.

you're so stunning up close... how come tim never once found interest in someone as admirable as you is a mystery. but you trusting a stranger in your vulnerable state is much more.

and he's grateful he's that stranger.

because he may be a stranger to you, but a familiar one. and you feel safe, a feeling you haven't felt in so long that you simply just melt against him like clear putty; because you're transparent with what you feel right now.

and right now you feel warmth. not the uncomfortable one that blazes through your (now) cool face when you were drunk, nor the burning one whenever you thought of your family— but a pleasant one. like sitting near a fireplace as you watch the embers crackle, drinking hot cocoa whilst a quilt covers your body from the cold of the winter. you feel this way at his kindness, at his efforts to help you contain your emotions to a reasonable degree.

"what's your name, kind stranger?" you mutter on his chest (how come your head is laying on it, actually?) hearing the soft thumps of his heart. it's warm, he's warm and every bit of comfortable, as he does his best to move slightly back to remove his jacket and drape it over your body before he could reply to you, chuckling whilst doing so because you looked up at him with your eyes conveying every damn emotion that made you feel soft.

"it's conner, conner kent. call me kon, though. or yours if it's you." he purrs. it took you a minute to register his obvious flirting but what comes after is an absolute flush on your body and you recoiling from his hold as you look back at him, mouth agape. the tips of your ears were warm, and every bit of

an overexaggeration to his flirting, sure. it makes you look less appealing in your eyes, extra sure! but it's been so long since someone last attempted to flirt with you; but most were under the guise of when you were still a wayne and... and not as yourself. you! you who sports so many imperfections that—

"haha! is it strange to say that you look so cute whenever you look at me with wide eyes in the short span of time we just met?"

he slides in through your train of thoughts before you could delve even deeper through self-deprecation. and you're glad that he did because... god, he makes you want to shamelessly gloat as a reply. you've never had someone complement your eyes before, actually...

"i'm..." you look back at him after you stared down at your palms, heat overtaking your entire body. yet again it wasn't uncomfortable, and just the right temperature. you stutter your name afterwards, making sure it's your mother's last name that you highlighted implicitly and not bruce's.

he seems to grin even wider when you introduce yourself. that's when his next reply generally warranted you to nearly burst off your seat out of sheer diffidence.

"well," he says your name, tasting every syllable in his pierced tongue. "your name tastes sweet, dove. but i think your face is even sweeter now that you're not crying — not saying that isn't cute too but you're so stunning now that i look closer at you without any barriers. your eyes, especially, they're like some mix doe and siren eyes, or whatever my other friends talk about in social media. point given, you're drop-dead gorgeous in my eyes."

it all comes naturally from him that your brain merely shortcircuited and fried itself comprehending his message, forgetting you were drunk in the first place replacing it with a flush in your heart, the pit of grief and despair replaced with the lighthearted need to banter or reply meekly at his shameless flirting right after he comforted you.

this is the first time you felt something for someone's romantic gestures, instead of that wave of nausea that accompanies you.

he makes you feel... pretty about yourself. in a good way, in a way you don't feel the need to hide your insecurities for once and instead allow his eyes to flitter around your entire face, analyzing your features because... because he simply makes you feel pretty the more he stares at you.

yet all you did was take his hand on your own, a sudden burst of confidence even you couldn't explain, and played with it, as you pouted in reply before thinking— using his hand-now-turned-fidget-toy — of a good enough response.

you simply said, coughing before continuing, "i don't take back what i said moment's ago. you're hot too, even if my vision was obstructed by my tears."

"oh, really?" he smiled gently and allowed your hands autonomy to play with his. it's like telepathy, he knows it's automatic that you crave physical affection and attention and he's willing to provide you that solace.

"now that you're not crying— you think i'm even more handsome?"

you snort at his question, then took a step back with your thoughts to properly study him. neat, yet messy hair, piercing on the eyebrows and on his tongue (hot), sunglasses and spiky jacket draped upon your shoulders— goddamnit, of course he's hot! and you made it efficiently clear that he is, with your hands fiddling pattern against his soft, yet calloused hands, by squeezing it.

"yes, you are even more handsome, kon..." brief and concise, just how you like it. even if he gave you an entire essay describing you in his eyes, for you, you prefer actions; and you did so by simply being affectionate with the stranger, now acquaintance you have a slight crush on.

you'd never expected this turn of events, but it was a pleasant one and one you'd never really want to trade with anything else now that you've met kon.

so when he opened his mouth to spew something else, your ears perked up to listen and your mind, albeit slowly sobering up, prepared itself to reply to whatever flirting, conversation topics, and anything random it is that he wishes to talk about to you.

you smiled at him whilst he talked, he reciprocates as always.

yet this time, you weren't afraid to hide just how joyous you feel, for once, having a person interested in you not only physically but with your interests, too, as your conversations kept shifting to things about you.

it made inclined to learn about yourself, too. and that makes you happy, and fuzzy in the insides the more he asks you questions beyond your favorites. like in movies, he didn't simply just ask your favorites and you replied with an answer and moved on, no! you both discussed the emotional depth it impacted you with, why symbolism matters so much, and why in the near future you'd both inevitably meet up, you'll both watch it together.

that makes you feel excited.

you even forgot the main reason why you're here in the first place; to drink. now, though, it seems like you just wanted to talk to kon all night long.

fortunately for you, that's how the rest of your night went. with a pleasant buzz in the background, the sounds of remixes all drowned out in your ears as you favor the chatters of the man beside you, with the tremor of his voice a comfortable volume and his tone laced with freshly made honey.

when your friends finally ran back to the bar where you all collectively agreed to meet up at once everyone's shenanigans were finished, they giggled drunkenly whilst some sober ones whistled at seeing your hand unknowingly massaging his palms like a stresstoy and the jacket draped upon your shoulders.

the moment you returned it to him, he joked about wearing it every second now since it reminds him of you, and how it's his favorite piece of attire now beyond all his other clothing. you merely blushed and ignored the cooing of your friends behind you.

you didn't feel concerned over not seeing him anymore, as he had given you a slip of paper with his number on it in through a tissue with paracetamol pills wrapped around it (like the thoughtful gentleman he made himself out to be when he excused himself a second time to get those items, since you'd left your phone with one of your friends; you swore you felt a blush creep into your cheeks and heating the tip of your ears), you instead felt a pang of longing and furrowed your brows, looking at him as if asking if you'll see him around anytime soon as he reciprocates with a sure grin that makes you feel a wave of feather like affection.

he left shortly after, striding to you as your group recollects all your stuff and whispering a, "text you later, dove. stay safe for me, alright? don't let any other strangers get to you."

you're glad this night would end on a good note, willing away any prior doubts towards spending the night in a completely foreign street and expecting fir criminals and thugs to break in but no! you can't help but admit that your new... interest, conner, made your night a thousand times better.

and his little nickname for you... haha, you're so flustered thinking about texting him tonight. you'd neglect your assignments for now if it meant messenging him right after you get home, safely, for his sake.

when your group all came outside though, that's when things shifted.

time is a construct. it's complicated and structured like that as well. it can either be too fast, or too slow. when your friends had taken their sweet time to spend the night dancing about the dancefloor, when you'd taken the precious time to flirt and talk to kon; that's when you all collectively realized that their damn cars were stolen.

the air suddenly shifted to this thick atmosphere when you all stepped out, one that can be sliced through with a sword, and you swore—

god, you swore this night couldn't have been any better with the turn of things, but now. right after you got out the club, it all took a turn for the worse.

this is it.

you're going to die today.

you're going to die, in some dirty ditch, your friends nowhere to be found, with nobody to save you.

nasty bruises already began to form on your skin, one with harsher colors of purple, blue, and yellow on your wrists and other patches of skin; way harsher

the man in front of you was gnarly, but you've no time to judge as he kicks you in the guts.

matted brown hair lay atop his head like a bird's attempt at a near, he has an odor that reeks of sewer rats, piss, and feces, and an unruly beard that houses bits of his leftover.

he holds a weapon whose shape you couldn't make out with your hazy vision, body nearly cramping in on itself once he kicked you again.

straight in the abdomen, with brute strenght accompanied by his worn leather boots decorated with glinting spikes that sparkle under the moonlight's glow.

in the abdomen, spikes.

blood first, then curdling pain next.

no noise rips through your ears, only wringing ever present, but your mouth opens, and you can feel its tender chords crack as a scream erupts from your throat, shrill and resounding from the deepest depths of the cockpit your mouth has to offer you; uncaring for the man in front of who who suddenly covers his ears and grits his teeth, who looks at you like you're mad, yet unlike same way his two other lackeys from behind look at your like you're the creation of carnage itself.

pain shot throughout your body, most especially at the core of the holes that pierced through your clothes and right inside your skin. and as your bulging, teary eyes try to look down with an agape, whimpering mouth, his shoes still connected to your body; you could only hold off so much of that familiar taste of acidic bile paired with that lingering scent of cheap booze.

tears were a byproduct of the misery, as it began to escape from your already puffy eyes. when the man released his legs fron pinning you down, your sobs only worsened as your unpinned, shivering arm try its damned best to cover the already leaking blood.

six holes, the diameter of the more than half of your finger, was what you could make out in your line of sight. the blood that leaked from them looked black, you couldn't find where the gradient of black and red connects, your only certainty in this situation was that you'd bleed to death before help could come to you.

the spikes were as long as a toothpick, a crimson puddle lay dripping on the floor.

your legs were shaking against your will, your eyes frantically search around you yet your pinned once more, his larger body framing against your own, providing no room nor qualms for an escape.

but the only escape you wanted was one from the pain of his pressing against your injury, even more blood spilling out of its confines. your tears only hastened its descent from your shaky eyes.

when your mouth opened for the nth time to wail out, he seethed in a breathe and threatened you, with his breath as vile as his entire being, that smells like every mix of synthetic chemicals from cigarette flavors, all expired, with teeth rotting and sporting yellow and black wallpaper.

gross, so gross. you want to die when the stench hits your nose. you shrivel in yourself, you couldn't breath.

"listen here, little bitch, you quiet down or i kill you. and 'ya either give me everythin' you own in your damn possession, or i'll kick you even more until a thousand little holes will fuckin' make you bleed to death, hear me?"

hearing his statement only made the adrenaline pump even more fight of flight into your heart. but you can't do either, you can't, not when you're still hazy from the fucking alcohol and the self defense tools in your tiny pouch were thrown a few feet away from you.

you've nothing to defend yourself.

oh god, oh shit, fuck.

you want to die, you want to so fucking die than go through the same pain of nearly being abducted or held hostage again.

yet your eyes could only close, your teeth kissing your bottom lips, biting hard to drown out another pained scream. whimpers, god, they're so loud yet you can't help the whimpers and the broken faucet from your eyes. even if you beg your own body to stop, it doesn't listen to the pleas of your mind.

the only thing it can focus on is the pain. recreant, volatile pain.

a moan escapes you, shaky and prolonged. the only other emotion that you could experience after is sorrow.

you didn't expect your pleasant night to end off in such a tragic note, but as your attacker held you by your throat with one hand, a knife pointed against your face, the next that happened was your head slammed roughly against the wall; a dull, beating ache lulling the back of your head after the momentary spark of pain— you're reminded that this is reality, and you're close to losing consciousness quick.

you're going to die.

bloody, a sobbing, dissociating mess, with your thoughts spinning around the same way the stranger and his lackeys laugh — bared yellow teeth, with the smell of ichor prevalent in their clothes, predatory eyes leering at you like you're prey — at your drunken moans of pain.

you're going to die.

"well, you gonna answer me or what, bitch? you wanna die!?"

he shouts you with spit that sprays all over your face, flashing you a grin and by extension flashing you his ugly, bared teeth. some missing were in his gums, others were artificial, most rotten like him.

you're going to die.

alone, in a ditch. bloody, laying in a pool of your own crimson the same way you saw your mother drowns in a puddle of hers.

you'll die like her—

what an honor.

the more you think about the situation, the more you're led to believe that the only way to solve this was through death alone, with no restrictions, no buts or ifs. you've no fight left in your body, or any weapon to fight. you're drunk, defenseless and if you actually managed to escape, you'd still bleed to death in some unknown alleyway. if you're lucky, a stray police may find you and give you a proper burial. but you remember you're in the living incarnate of hell in america, you'll never have a proper death.

this was night in gotham. your death alone only adds to the already astounding high percentages of all the other lives lost to the same twisted fate. you were no different. and to die early than to suffer from torture is better.

i mean, who would give a shit if you die tonight, right? your family— wrong! alfred would panic at your disappearance, but he'll forget about you like he did others, you're sure of it. that's why he still chose to fucking serve the wayne's instead of fully taking your side. if he had to choose between saving you or the people he swore his loyalty onto, he wouldn't hesitate. you're sure. even if the thoughts made the doom in your heart heavier. even if you know your story would never be covered nor acknowledged, you still year

but life is unfair, everything is. that's why you're here now, in a dark fucking alleyway with men who'll more than take advantage of your dying body and leave your corpse in the dump after. life is unfair, yet it's even more cruel in gotham. you should've expected this, should've known that a turn of events could be possible. you'll feel regret in the afterlife, only for a life that could've been well-lived, but never for the choice of living through the torture you call being a wayne.

so you came to the conclusion; confident for once after living for thirteen and a half years walking on eggshells around a manor.

this is not as bad as their neglect.

you smile in response to the guy, genuine and filled with grace as your heart that once pounds against your chest now slows down to a calm pace, finally at peace. with no other intention than to rattle him even more, to the point of choosing you to kill with his own hands as brutally as he likes— so you finally take a well deserved rest from life.

you gather saliva at the center of your tongue, ignore the taste of blood that swirls, nor the soreness of your throat and the crimson dripping down your nose.

when he looks down at you, disoriented at what you're doing, you spit at him, all the beating in your heart hastened, yet slowed down as quickly as you heave in a final breath.

... you're finally going to die.

"FUCKING HELL, YOU DAMN CUNT—!"

you close your eyes, bracing yourself for the knife that would hopefully stab you in the face, or the chest, and think of your last thoughts. you thank alfred for caring for you for those thirteen years, you hope you win your mother's graces in the afterlife even if she discovered your deliberate choices for killing yourself in the spur of a moment, and you wish your old family a happy life living without you, even if they already did so for so long.

all you needed was seconds to conclude your prayers.

but they weren't answered as you wanted them to be, not when you open your wide eyes to what was supposed to be a glint of silver piercing through the middle of your face was replaced by a bullet, quick and precise, shooting through his cranium without mercy, body immediately laying limp within those seconds.

the other two behind him were good as dead, too, your savior not wasting any moment to end their lives then and there.

and as you stumbled from the grip released from your body, your torso nearly crumpling in on itself, a flash of familiar, metallic red enters your vision when you'd look up from your savior who's huge form now meticulously acts as your shield from the brutal carnage that lays upon your line of sight and a pillar of protection trying to help you stand from the pain that shot through your lower abdomen.

but you don't want to stand, you want to drop dead right now. you don't want this, you didn't want this to happen.

instead of gratitude, dread fills your lungs with water and your fingers were left to tremor.

he looks down at you, you couldn't make out his expression, but you could feel the anger coursing through his body, the same as the day you first met him when he was still newly rebirthed, like it's telling you of his unadulterated rage at witnessing the scene before him. his body shakes, heavily, and his grip on your hands tighten, a mechanical groan drawling deep from his automated voice banks that changes his voice.

yet all you feel was fear overtaking your entire body prior to the comfort at the prospect of death.

you'd rather die than this.

even you couldn't believe the whimper of his name from your wobbling lips, as your body, out of instinct despite the pain, tried to push itself against the wall, away from him.

he only moves to hold your waste protectively, like a... brother suffocating his younger sibling with blankets when they complain it's cold. overbearing, disgustingly affectionate; you don't want it.

you feel cold.

this day could've been any worse— and it took a turn to the all worse scenarios you could imagine.

"jason...?"

"angel..."

a single familiar name was spoken, yet a new nickname was introduced. angel: the same way jason swore what you looked like when he sped through his motorcycle after hearing a shriek from all across the streets, finding you, bleeding and beaten to a pulp, with your attacker almost stabbing you.

of course, who wouldn't hesitate pulling a gun against someone trying to kill your precious? jason doesn't even need to choose.

and whether he did it in the name of justice and respect to his moral code, or because finding someone with a familiar face, sharing the same hopeless, yet death-accepting expression as he did back when he died— it all doesn't matter in the heat of the moment now.

what matters is that his angel is hurt and the madness in him festers the longer you bleed out in his arms, defiant and fearful all the same.

reblogs and interactions are encouraged and appreciated.

PLEASE READ: 11,000+ words. AND I LITERALLY HATE THIS CHAPTER (new least favorite fr) 😭 this decision is so impulsive i gonna regret it soon. chapter 5 will be released after a few days and i promise it has more action than this I SWEAR. first parts are always boring. anyways, there're so many song references in this chapter and for the next chapter. if any of you could guess what they are, i'll be rewarding all of you with something special. otherwise, please leave comments for this chapter! what motivated me to write was reading everybody's comments and inputs, about the love they have for this series as much as i do. interactions, asks, comments, they're all important and dear to me and i heavily appreciate it. so more interaction = more content. after all, i'd rather a post with little likes but with no interaction than a post with no interaction but all likes.

otherwise, i can't add anymore to my taglist so taglist requests are closed!

taglist: @lilyalone, @secretomelettetroops, @earlqurl, @simpingfor-wakasa, @amber-content, @ruiroku , @okaybutfullhomo , @trasshy-artist , @obsessedwithromance, @jjsmeowthie, @fairy-lenaa , @ilovvmyhusband , @6uuyuuhgy, @plsfckmedxddy, @lavender-moony , @sweetheart-era, @chemicalsandghosts , @darling006 , @starringyau , @samanthahanes, @rosecentury , @jaythes1mp , @pi1nkl0ver , @i-thirsty-boy, @sharks-are-cool-l, @silverklaus, @traumaramacenter , @maddimoon , @anxrq, @thedarknesslord , @h0rr0r-10ver-69 , @lazy-idate , @cupids-pretty-boy , @alishii, @mel-star636 , @sitepathos , @freakyotaku059-blog , @dirtydiavolo, @sunbleachedantlers, @24hrsoflanii, @ceramic-raven , @une-lueur-dans-la-nuit , @tdickensstuff4 , @thickerthanthieves , @arlandvery , @distressed-lezbo, @bunbunboysworld , @bellethesleepypotato, @nebuluma, @alliwantisadonut, @alishii, @kusakiguzen, @sirenetheblogger, @emmbny, @ryukyuin, @solkara, @starsdotalk, @nightstarblue, @huhuhhuhh, @shadowpup163, @sunshine-skz, @24hrsoflanii, @bazellawrites, @pato-spoiler-27, @harumy07cat, @rains-mae, @funnybunnyxxx, @littlelilithspost, @howisgroguthiscute, @yuyuzi-ling, @tullipam, @coldcrusadehideout, @princessloveweird, @hybridcon

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aquaticmercy · 1 month ago

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Almost Kisses

Summary : Bucky's kisses have become a daily part of your life together, but it wasn’t always that way.

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader (she/her)

Warnings : very slight mention of food and mild cursing

Requested by : @buckys-wintersoldier

Word count : 1.8k

Note : This one was very fun! I was listening to Work Song By Hozier while writing this, so it's safe to say the song served as a bit of inspiration, too. I did say it would be >1k word blurb but I have once again got over the limit.

Requests are open!

Kissing you had become second nature to Bucky. Every morning when he woke up, every night before bed. It was part of his routine, it felt as natural as breathing. He kissed you when he passed you in the kitchen, when you laughed at something ridiculous, when you weren’t paying attention. He kissed you just because he could.

It was hard for him to remember a time before that, but once, kissing you had seemed impossible.

The first time the thought even crossed his mind, you were standing outside his apartment door, trying to get his attention. Sam had called you, worried about him after days of radio silence, days of ignoring texts and phone calls from both him and his therapist.

Sam could get through to Bucky on most days, but on the really hard ones, when the weight of his past pulled him under the covers and refused to let him go, there was only one person who could reach him. You.

Somehow, Bucky had imprinted on you in a way he never had with anyone else. Sam wasn’t stupid— he knew that Bucky was down hard for you. Hell, everyone who ever saw the two of you interact knew that Bucky was in love with you. Everyone except you.

Because love had to keep you blind like that, at least for a while.

"Bucky?" Your voice was soft that day, muffled by the door separating you from him. You knocked again, gentler this time. "I brought you pizza. Just cheese, no toppings—your favorite." You paused, like you were waiting for signs of life, anything, but the silence was deafening. You lowered your voice, a whisper now. "I cut off the burnt bits, the way you like it."

The door creaked open, just a sliver of light pouring in from the apartment. Bucky's figure stood in the shadow, his frame filling the doorway, but his voice was small and frail. "Extra cheese?"

"Of course, Buck." Your lips curved up knowing you’ve essentially made it in. You slipped inside the moment he stepped back.

That night, you didn’t leave his side. You pulled him out of the dark waters he had drowned himself in. He told you about his nightmares, the memories that wouldn’t let him breathe. You listened, laughed when he cracked the odd dark joke, and cried while exchanging stories. Minutes blurred into hours, and eventually, you fell asleep beside him on the couch, your head resting on his shoulder.

That was the night he realized what you did to him. You didn’t just pull him out of his pit of despair— you made him feel alive. Electric.

The next morning, you took a shower, borrowing one of his shirts since yours were dirty. Seeing you in his oversized clothes twisted something inside him, drove him insane with wild thoughts— he almost said something, but bit his tongue to stop the flow of words that would have been unstoppable. When you hugged him goodbye, he held on just a second too long, his arms tightened around you, hesitating to let go and wishing he could stay in the safety of your embrace forever. And for just a heartbeat, he stared at your lips. He almost gave in, almost kissed you right then and there, but he shoved the thought away at the last second. Why would you ever want to kiss someone like him?

The second time he almost kissed you was at the ice rink in Central Park. It was the holiday season, and this year Bucky realised that he didn’t need to spend it alone anymore. He invited you out, convincing himself it wasn’t a date— just two friends hanging out, doing friend things.

You were hesitant, admitting you couldn’t skate and that the ice never seemed to agree with you, but he insisted.

"You can hold onto me," he teased, though he left out telling you how much he wanted you to. Just to feel you close. Just for you to embrace him again.

"Buck!" you squealed when he picked up speed, your hands clutching his jacket tight around your fist in a death grip. "You’re going way too fast!"

He laughed, slowing to a stop in the middle of the rink. The moonlight between trees shrouded the two of you. You stumbled into his chest, your fingers curling into his coat. For a second, you didn’t move. You stayed there, taking in his scent. "What would I do without you?" you murmured into his chest, voice barely above a whisper.

In that moment, he realised that you weren’t just his friend out of pity— You made him feel wanted. Needed.

His hands found your cheeks, his thumb brushing lightly across your skin. He could almost taste how your lips would feel— soft, warm, perfect. His breath hitched, his body taking control. But then, just as quickly, he put his logical mind back in the pilot seat. He pulled away. Why would you want to kiss someone who’d been broken as many times as him?

The third time he thought about kissing you, he could’ve sworn you wanted it, too. You were on one of your usual runs and morning coffee— your ritual together. It happened once or twice a week when he wasn’t whisked away to some strange land for a mission.

Bucky always slowed his pace to match yours. He didn’t mind since he could spend those extra moments near you.

After the runs, you’d get coffee together. He talked about everything—his life in the 40s, his family, Steve, his friends from school.

You gave him pieces of his humanity back with every conversation. With you, he felt more than a soldier— you made him feel more organic. Human.

He felt that, for once, he was more interesting than the winter soldier.

He then talked about wanting a small pet, maybe a dog, or a white cat.

"What, am I not companion enough?" you had teased.

His ears burned, and the super soldier found himself stammering. "That’s not what I meant."

You laughed as you brushed coffee foam off his facial hair. The briefest touch and his heart started racing out of control.

He could've sworn you leaned in just slightly, almost instinctively. He wanted to kiss you. He needed to. But again, he pushed it down, convincing himself that the two of you were just friends.

The day after, he found himself lying on the couch, thoughts spiraling. He couldn’t stop thinking about you— your lips, your laugh, your touch. He didn’t know what to make of it. The feelings ate away at his sanity, and they wouldn’t go away. For the first time, he asked himself the question he was too afraid to ask: was this how it felt to be truly, deeply, and desperately in love?

Then came the knock.

He opened the door, and there you were, looking as tired as he felt. Your hair was a mess, your clothes crumpled, and you looked like you haven’t slept since he saw you yesterday, but you were still so goddamn beautiful. You had this infectious wild energy, like you were on the edge of discovering the secret to world peace.

"I’ve been thinking all night," you said, stepping inside the gap he had open. That was how welcome you felt in his space, how comfortable he was with you. "If I’m wrong, this is going to be so embarrassing, but— three times. You almost kissed me three times."

Bucky blinked, caught off-guard.

"That night with the pizza, when I said goodbye," you continued, pacing around the room in deep thought. "The ice rink. And yesterday at the coffee shop." You held up three fingers at his face, your hands trembling slightly. "Three times is too much to be a coincidence. Three times is too much to just accidentally lean in. Please, tell me you’ve thought about it. Tell me you’ve wanted to kiss me because—" You stopped, looking into his beautiful eyes. "Because I’ve thought about it too."

Your voice was shaky. Bucky had never seen you so vulnerable, so uncertain. So hopeful.

"This is so embarrassing," you muttered, your voice now barely a whisper. But before you could say anything else, Bucky closed the distance between you. He grabbed you by the waist and kissed you, his lips capturing yours in a desperate rush. All the hesitations melted away from the tension in his muscles, and it was better than he’d imagined a thousand times. He didn’t know how it was possible, but you tasted even sweeter than he had dreamed. His hands tangled in your hair as you stood on tiptoes, clutching him as if he might slip away.

When you finally pulled back, breathless, you whispered in disbelief, "So I was right."

Bucky smiled, finger running along your skin, in a sensory attempt to remind him the was all real and not just one of his fantasies. "Only took you half a year to notice."

You laughed softly, melting into his touch. "I could say the same for you."

He chuckled, leaning down to kiss you again. "Shush," he whispered between kisses. He was addicted now. He needed his fix. He needed your touch, your warmth, your lips on his. Again, and again, and again.

And that was more than a year ago. Now, Bucky still couldn’t stop kissing you. If anything, it had only gotten worse, not that you were complaining.

He kissed you every chance he got. When you rolled over in bed, still half asleep, he kissed your forehead. When you stretched in the kitchen, reaching for a mug for your afternoon tea, he kissed the back of your neck. When you came home late from work, tired but smiling, he pulled you into his arms and kissed you breathless, as if you were the only thing keeping him grounded.

"Buck," you laughed, stopping his train of thought, playfully trying to squirm away as he pulled you onto his lap. "We’re supposed to be watching a movie."

His lips found the sensitive spot behind your ear. "But I’d rather kiss you."

You were powerless against him, as you always are. Laughing softly, you said, "You know, you kiss me every day. Aren’t you tired of me yet?"

He pulled back just enough to look at you, reminding himself of how lucky he was that he had you here. That if it wasn’t for you storming into his apartment in a frenzy with a theory, you wouldn’t be here in his arms. "Never." His voice was so soft, making your breath hitch.

You were about to say something smart, but Bucky stopped you with another kiss, his lips gentle and loving, yet there was such a fiery passion beneath. You curled into him, his warmth wrapping around you like a blanket. When you finally pulled away, you were both breathless, the movie long forgotten.

He stared at you, thumb brushing the side of your face, as if memorizing every detail. "I’m never gonna stop kissing you," he whispered, pressing his forehead against yours. His voice was a little rough, his throat dry from the taste of you. "I don’t think I could, even if I tried."

And you believed him.

-end

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hoonatic · 4 months ago

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emergency contact | park sunghoon x reader

prompt: weeks after your breakup, sunghoon finds out that he’s still your emergency contact. pairing: non-idol sunghoon x implied female reader genre: angst with hopeful/happy? ending; second chance romance??; exes to lovers??? word count: 2800 note: i’ve had a cute fic idea that i wanted to write forever…but this is not it. the sad demons have visited me once again. hope y’all enjoy nevertheless and any feedback is much appreciated <3

sunghoon was miserable.

it had been three weeks, five days, two hours, and thirty-two minutes since the two of you had gone no contact.

he wished he could say he was happy to be single, that he was no longer “locked down” and “whipped” as his friends had always called him. but the so-called “freedom” felt like hell since it meant losing you.

at first, he kept telling himself that time would heal the pain. “it’s natural,” he had repeated like a mantra, “she was your best friend and lover for years.” but no, this heartbreak was inhumane. his desire to see you, apologize endlessly, and spend days holding you until you could feel every ounce of his love was gnawing at his soul. if anything, it got worse by the minute.

he had tried so hard to balance work and the rest of his life, using the excuse several times that he was securing this future for your shared life with him. that one day, you’d be able to reap the rewards of his efforts and live comfortably together without stress.

but what was the use of all of that now? the future he had worked so hard to create was ripped out from his hands by no one other than himself.

you had accused him of being too busy for you. dates canceled at the last minute, a birthday forgotten, and all the texts left on read had built up to the argument that ended it all. he was always good at fighting, a little too good. he had retorted that you weren’t being supportive, and he was never one to sugarcoat his words. his tongue was sharp, and he did nothing to dull its blade.

but there wasn’t too much yelling on your part, and he thought that that hurt more. he wanted you to fight back, to stand your ground because he knew deep down that he was being the asshole. his toxic thought was that by you fighting back, this meant that you were still fighting for your relationship. but instead, you just stared with silent tears and a blank expression. seeing the indifference in eyes that had previously held so much love was a sight that would stay with him forever. so, in fear of you leaving, he ran instead.

he was a coward, leaving your shared home to run back to the apartment he had still technically owned but hadn’t lived in for more than a year. he locked himself away for a few days, but the realization that you hadn’t attempted to contact him burned more than he could put into words. you were done with him. he had hurt you, had the audacity to be the one to run, and now he had lost you.

he had even run from his job. he couldn’t stand to walk into the same building he stayed in when he forgot dates with you. his coworkers wouldn’t stop asking what happened to him, why he looked so rough. he even found an empty container that had once held lunch you made for him. but his final straw was getting promoted. his first instinct was to call you, but he remembered the sad truth before he could dial. any ounce of pride was washed away with shame in that moment. that same day, he quit without notice.

so there he was: miserable, alone, and unemployed with nothing left to run from but memories. he had spent the last week going through his phone and saving your pictures together in a locked album. he wouldn’t dare delete them, but he couldn’t stomach looking at you either.

he wished he could get drunk and sleep away the pain. he had tried, he definitely did - but that night, he dreamt of you. you were smiling at first, eyes ever full of love. you were speaking, yet he couldn’t hear you. but he could see how your words started to gradually look sadder, and slowly, tears started to fall as your grin dropped. he woke up that next morning crying with the conclusion that he would have to face this heartbreak sober.

but another day of scrolling through albums had stopped abruptly when he saw the notification that changed everything.

SOS i called emergency services from this approximate location after my watch detected a hard fall. you are receiving this message because i have you listed as my emergency contact.

sunghoon had to remind himself to breathe.

he had purchased that watch for you as a “just because” present months ago. you had complained of bad sleep and he wanted you to use it as a way to track your slumber. he hated seeing you tired. he knew that the watch had a fall detection function, but it had never been used before.

his heart was in his stomach as he went to his favorite contacts page and selected your name for the first time in weeks.

“please,” he begged, all notion of running away from you leaving his brain, “pick up please.”

but you just weren’t answering. so he tried again and again and again.

for a moment while the line attempted to connect, he wondered if this was how he had made you feel for months - desperate for a sliver of attention from him. but instead, he was desperate for a sign of life.

finally, after about two minutes of trying to reach you, his body moved of its own accord. before he knew it, his car keys were in his hands and he was out the door.

the car ride there might have been the worst part. the speed at which he drove at almost defied the laws of physics. other drivers were cursing at him but he wasn’t registering anything except the thought of your safety. he just needed to get to you.

why did he run? why didn’t he try to talk it out? if he was so afraid of losing you, why did he do the one thing that would guarantee that? he should have been there like he promised to be from the beginning. you would have been safe with him.

when he pulled up to the house you had shared for so long, he suddenly felt the world slow down. why were emergency services there? you should’ve canceled them by now.

he had to double park as the ambulance was blocking the driveway. why were they here?

the emts and police had arrived at the same time as him, which both increased his anxiety and soothed him. for one, that meant he had been quick enough. but why did you need them?

“sir, do you know–” an officer had approached him as he stumbled to the front door. all he could understand was your name. why were they asking if he knew you? of course he knew you. you, the love of his life. you, his soulmate by every meaning of the word. you were you. and you were safe.

as if sensing his distress, he felt an emt worker pull him to the side as the same officer prepared to break down the door. seeing this, sunghoon finally returned to his senses.

“w-wait! sorry, i have a key.” sunghoon’s hands were shaking. the only way that door had unlocked was by pure muscle memory because he didn’t understand what he was doing at all.

as soon as the door opened, sunghoon tried to step in. finally, he was close to you.

the officer, however, pulled him back.

“sir, you should wait here. we need to make an initial search before you can go in.”

“what, why? if she’s in there, i want to see–”

“sir, it’s just in case we find something we wouldn’t want you to see.”

all of sunghoon’s hesitation and fear went out the window at those words. his body flew automatically as he ran inside.

he screamed your name as he rushed in, ignoring the yells of the police officers who followed him in. as it had been for almost four weeks, his only thought was you. he just needed you.

he checked the ground floor first, eyes scanning the open space in less than a second as his body avoided an officer trying to grab him. sunghoon then moved to the staircase, long legs prepared to skip steps to reach you. then suddenly, he heard the voice his ears had been longing for,

“sunghoon?!”

his head shot up. there you were, finally. he saw the sadness, confusion, and fear all flash your face as you registered the emergency workers behind him. you looked exhausted and unruly, but he had never felt more in love.

he didn’t even remember climbing the steps, but suddenly he was at the top of the staircase and you were in his arms.

you could feel him trembling as he held you. you took his face into your hands to look at him, “sunghoon? what’s wrong? why are you here? is it my parents? is someone hurt?” you watched as his mouth opened but no words came out. after a few seconds, one of the officers spoke from the bottom of the steps,

“ma’am, we received an alert from your device that a hard fall had occurred.”

suddenly, you understood everything. taking sunghoon’s hand gently, you led him down the stairs, afraid he’d fall from shock. he followed you silently, but his grip tightened seemingly with every step.

that’s when you noticed your shattered watch on the third step.

you let sunghoon go and you could hear his deep breath when you did. you picked up the watch and offered it up to the officer as an explanation, “i’m sorry officer, it looks like there’s been a misunderstanding…”

the officer nodded in understanding, and dismissed the emts, “got it, ma’am. we will still need a formal report for our records since this was registered as an emergency call.” he motioned to your couch as he took out a pen and paper.

you reached for sunghoon’s hand once more and led him to sit with you. in the moment, you knew he needed you more than you would ever understand. so, as you explained to the officer, you held his trembling hand, rubbing soothing circles with your thumb.

“i was doing laundry here downstairs and had taken off my watch to prevent it from getting wet,” you recounted, “i put it on top of the basket of clothes that i took upstairs. i remember tripping a little going up the stairs - i didn’t fall, but that must’ve been when the watch fell."

"what about your phone, where is it? i'm sure your boyfriend must've tried to call you."

sunghoon slowly nodded at that, turning to look at you. you smiled sheepishly, "i left it upstairs and it was on silent while i folded the clothes. i’m so sorry for the inconvenience.”

after finishing up your statement, the remaining officer prepared to leave. as he walked out the door, he gave a soft smile to the both of you,

“glad to see it was a false alarm, ma’am. you had this gentleman quite worried - ran so fast i couldn’t even grab him!” the officer laughed, “you two have a nice day now! sorry about your watch, though!”

after he shut your door, the silence enveloped your home. you closed your eyes and breathed deeply to prepare to speak to your ex-boyfriend. but as soon as you opened them, sunghoon started to cry softly.

he hugged you tighter than he ever had, and soon enough, his face was buried in your neck. his cries were silent, but you could feel his body shaking as his tears soaked your shirt.

“sunghoon…” you started, stroking his back, “i’m sorry i worried you, honey.”

you knew you shouldn’t be calling your ex pet names, especially an ex that had run from you without properly ending the relationship. but your heart still held so much love for him that it flowed out naturally. and you knew he was crying from more than just worry, so you doubt he minded at all in the moment.

his crying slowed down as his arms took to loosely wrapping around your waist instead. he pulled away from your neck to rest his forehead on yours. from this angle, you could see his swollen eyes and red nose - a sight so rare in all the years you had dated. he was never a crier after all.

but memories of several late-night conversations rushed your mind. he always said his number one fear was your death, and now you could see he had never lied about that.

he could see your mind go elsewhere so he called your name softly, “don’t say you’re sorry. i’m so happy, these are relieved tears. and i just really, really missed you.” he croaked out. you knew he had more to say, so you just nodded, letting him go on.

“and i’m sorry, baby. for everything. i shouldn’t have run, i shouldn’t have tried to egg you on to fight me back. i shouldn’t have even fought anything you said that night. you were right. i didn’t prioritize you. in my attempt to secure you for life, i let you go instead. i’m so sorry, i never wanted to break up.” he was rambling in earnest now, afraid that no words would make you take him back.

you listened quietly as he went on for a few minutes after that, hand continuing to rub his back, “i know honey, i know.”

“baby, you need to understand that i almost died thinking you almost died today,” you could’ve laughed at how dramatically he spoke, “i couldn’t breathe right thinking that our last conversation could’ve been an argument. that you wouldn't have ever known just how deeply i love you and need you. i have so much regret for how i treated you, but if you’d give me the chance, i have all the time in the world to make it up to you…let’s go on that vacation i promised you. we can leave tomorrow if you’d like.” he smiled hopefully at you.

“hoon,” his heart soared at the use of his beloved nickname, “what do you mean? don’t you have work? can you really leave with such short notice?”

“i quit my job.”

“excuse me?”

“no job that made me work that much is worth it. i’ll find one with better work-life balance…after our vacation. if that’s what you still want of course…” he spoke more quietly, as if afraid of rejection.

you sighed. you really should be realistic with this - you two had been broken up for a few weeks at that point. you knew the love was still there, but was this a good decision?

while there was still some hesitation on your part, you couldn't help but notice how gingerly he held you. his arms were still around your waist loosely, yet there was something desperate about their hold. you knew he was holding back from hurting you - you could tell how tightly he wanted to hug you.

he was so shaken up at the idea of you being hurt that he rushed over there despite the two of you not being on speaking terms. for someone who had trouble communicating how he felt sometimes, you knew his actions spoke louder than words. he always acted brave, but there was so much he feared. and you knew losing you was always at the top of this list.

you could also feel how he was simply soaking in the sight of your face. his eyes were shy, yet determined. he wasn't going to risk missing another second of staring at you. a part of you grew conscious, but you knew he was just taking in what he had missed for weeks.

“what about…” you started and almost giggled at how he perked up, “we take it slow - another two weeks or so to talk everything out and relax? to get us to a good place again before you hold me hostage in some foreign country?”

sunghoon smiled softly, kissing your forehead. you leaned in naturally to his warmth, to his touch that you missed so much. “that sounds like a great idea, love.” he spoke, “we’ll get you a new watch too. and i’ll do all the itinerary planning and packing whenever you’re ready, okay? i love you.”

“okay. and i love you too. can’t wait to enjoy your unemployment with you for now!”

one smile and nod from you had him taking you into his arms once more, relishing in your being. he was back where he belonged. he had experienced the scariest reminder ever that he needed you, and sunghoon was never letting you go now.

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poguehearted77 · 14 days ago

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Wild Child

summary: after being sent away to boarding school for being a wild child you're finally back and celebrating your return in the only way you see fit.

smut: pool party, ragers, drug use (alcohol, vapes n weed), size kink, Rafe is cocky, mentions of old flings, manhandling, hot tubs, they do it on her parents' bed, rough sex, step-mom slander, reader is such a flirt n a tease, curvy reader, dom! rafe, bratty! reader, skinny dipping, mentions of body shots, choking, spanking (like once).

The morning sun was ascending high into the sky when you finally managed to get yourself out of your king-sized bed, fit for someone of your status and your parents' financial standing.

Your socked feet took padded steps towards your window where you overlooked the hills of figure eight. This was the first time you'd looked out your bedroom window in years. With a deep inhale a soft smile etched its way across your lips. You were finally home, and you had the house all to yourself. Or so you thought.

Your ears pick up on muffled indistinct chatter that managed to travel from the kitchen, down the halls up the elaborate staircase and into your room. Quickly, you headed for the source of the voices and were disappointed to see your dad and his wife plaything, Maria, conversing over coffee at the kitchen island.

"I thought you said the Jet leaves at dawn? What are you guys still doing here?" You try not to sound too curious, arms crossing naturally with your inquiry. With a clearing of his throat, your dad speaks up, "You only just came back two nights ago. Maria and I just don't think it's the right time to leave you alone for the weekend."

You scoff, "Why? You still don't trust me after what happened last time? Get over it, I'm twenty-one now, you can trust me." As you walked over to the fridge for a glass of water, you heard a muted exchange of ideas behind you.

"You can't expect us to forget about all the damage you caused. We still haven't found anyone to repair my crystal vases." You take a long sip, trying to swallow your toxic thoughts with the water.

She thinks she can just waltz up and down the house with that huge ring on her finger and think that her opinion carries any value to you.

You took a deep breath and plastered on a fake smile, pitching your voice to become as sweet as honey.

"I can never apologize enough for what I did back then, but how will I ever earn your trust if you don't give me the chance." Your doe eyes land on your father, specifically his weakened composure.

You're about to break him, you can see it.

He exhales, all the air escaping through his nostrils.

Broken.

He glances down at his watch, "Fine, but if you throw another party so help me god Y/n you'll never see grass again." You play it cool, thanking him with a simple hug and completely disregarding Maria before you make your way back upstairs.

It's as though a weight had been lifted off your chest. You needed them out of the house, you'd been planning this party since you got back and made sure all the guests knew to keep it on the down low, just until they were gone.

The hours fly by, and you hardly keep track of time as you and some of your long-time friends set up the house for the party that you shouldn't be hosting, but you're Y/n Sinclair. Parties are your thing.

"Macy, you let the people in, kay? I'm gonna go get changed." The sun was beginning to set and the music was already blasting, vibrating over the marble floors of the house. Every lyric was punctuated with a shaking of the speakers that could be felt even outside.

The neighbours hated to see you coming.

You know your dad's jet was en route to Fiji and he wouldn't be able to reach you until he landed which wasn't for another six hours at minimum but by then the damage will be long done and far too late to stop.

You make your way up the stairs, the bass thumping through the house and vibrating beneath your feet. As you step into your room, your reflection catches your eye, excitement sparking in your gaze.

With a quick flick of your wrist, you reach for the strappy black and red two-piece, slipping it on, the cool fabric hugging every curve just right. Each strap crisscrosses elegantly, bold yet balanced, making you smile at how perfectly it all came together.

Next, you grab the sheer cover-up, wrapping it loosely around your waist so it drapes with a hint of movement, a playful edge that sways with you. You run your fingers through your curls, scrunching them gently to bring out their bounce, each coil framing your face in soft waves. Reaching for your lip gloss, you swipe it carefully over your lips, catching the light with a glossy shine.

One last look, and you’re ready, your heart beating in rhythm with the music below. The speakers are already blaring, the energy practically calling you back down. You step out with a final tousle of your curls, ready to join the night.

The energy crackles through the backyard as you make your way to the top of the outdoor staircase. The sun has slipped beneath the horizon, casting a dusky glow over the massive pool below, illuminated by floating lights that shimmer across the water.

The bar is buzzing with people grabbing drinks, and in the corner, the foam pit is already filling up, laughter and splashes mixing with the heavy beat of the music.

A neon sign hangs across from the bar, glowing boldly against the evening sky: The Queen of Kildare is Back. You grin, amused at the sight of it knowing it was 100% Macy's doing, and take a step down. Conversations hush, replaced by the roaring blast of excitement as heads turn your way. Hundreds of people, from familiar faces to those you only vaguely recognize from your past in Figure Eight, pause and look up, anticipation brimming in their eyes.

As you descend, your cover-up billows behind you, revealing the bold lines of your black and red two-piece. The crowd’s reaction is instant, erupting into cheers, whistles, and applause that echo across the yard.

"Y/n! Y/n! Y/n" They chant and you laugh. Every step closer to the party, you feel the atmosphere thicken, charged with that infectious blend of excitement and admiration. By the time you reach the bottom, someone’s already handing you a drink, while friends rush over to pull you in for hugs and greetings, their voices nearly drowned out by the music and shouts.

"Y/n Sinclair, s'Been a while."

There's a voice all too familiar addressing you from behind, prompting you to pivot to come face to face with a much taller Rafe than your brain could recall.

"Rafe Cameron. Long time no see." He goes in for the hug, your arms reaching over his broadened shoulders while his longer ones wrap around your waist before pulling back. He not so subtly checked you out, his tongue darting out over his lips briefly as he took you in and you did the same.

The buzzed hair sharpens his features, you think. Making his eyes seem darker, more intense, as they focus on you. His open linen shirt falls loosely over his frame, giving glimpses of his toned chest and the subtle gleam of a thin chain resting against his skin.

The shirt flutters with the breeze, barely hanging on his shoulders, hinting at the strong lines of his arms and drawing your eyes down to his relaxed, dark swim trunks.

He’s saying something, leaning slightly toward you, and his voice cuts smoothly through the bass of the party. Your eyes wander back up to his face, catching the faint smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth as if he knows he’s caught your attention.

"You look good, too good. How long's it been?" It's hard for you to think with the heat of his gaze on you, but you don't falter, never surrendering to this never-ending game between the two of you.

"About 3 years." He hums, the way he looks at you, casual yet purposeful, makes your pulse quicken, and suddenly, every sound around you fades, leaving only the warmth of his presence and the way he looks right at you, but you remind yourself to focus.

Rafe looks around the scene, eyes lingering over the wet t-shirt contest and then the game of chicken being held in the pool while others lounged on the various floaties or indulged in ungodly amounts of alcohol at the bar. As he does so, the pungent scent of weed drafts across your nostrils.

"Your old man know you're hostin' tonight?" You had to laugh, "Oh please, like he would ever let me have any kind of fun while he's in town. He and the skank are in Fiji."

The slight smirk that etches over his perfect lips taunts you. "So the house is yours?" He leans in, a little closer, closing the gap between you. "Until he comes back and banishes me again," You place a confident hand against his chest, pushing him away, "But for now, I'm here to party, and you should be too."

With that said you walk away from him, letting your hips sway with seduction radiating with each step. Rafe lets his thumb and fingers stroke over his jaw, feeling the weight of the pressure you'd just applied.

God, it was good to have you back.

The party raged on, slowly approaching its peak, body shots were going on at the bar, girls were doing lines in the bathrooms and the guys had insisted on a drunk game of volleyball in the pool.

Rafe took a break from the events of the party and watched from the sidelines on the couch, taking another hit of the vape that someone had passed to him, he's not sure he can remember who, and it wasn't relevant anyway.

The only person he had his sights set on is you. Watching you have the time of your life with your friends on the platform in the middle of the pool. Your little group, clearly intoxicated danced carefree while you'd begun to put your hands on the ground and throw your ass in circles.

Rafe choked, sitting up, some smoke coming through his nostrils at the interrupted airflow. He leaves his shirt behind on the couch with the abandoned vape, just as he heads for the pool topped hands him a beer which Rafe accepts before he gets in.

Maintaining a straight face as his body acclimatizes to the cool water he's almost immediately swarmed and roped into a round of whatever the current pool game was.

His icy gaze looks up to the center of the pool where you once were but are now nowhere to be found. "Looking for someone?" Your voice was mocking and he was grinning before he even turned around.

"I am actually." With little ripples in the water, he steps towards you maintaining a respectful distance that was driving you insane. "I was looking for someone to join me at the bar," He puts on a convincing facade but you roll your eyes, feigning innocence.

"Let me know if you find her," He slowly steps towards you and step back, "Don't play dumb with me, Y/n." Your plush lips form a gut-wrenching pout, "What do you mean?" Another step forward, another one back. The cycle repeats itself until he has you backed up against the edge of the pool.

Rafe’s hands find your waist, and before you can react, he’s lifting you effortlessly, placing you on the edge of the pool. You're reeling at the slutty display of his sheer strength.

Your legs dangle, brushing against his chest, and he steps closer, slotting himself right between them. His hands rest on either side of you, his arms framing you in as he looks up with that sly grin, every bit as teasing as you are.

“Always out here playin' games, aren’t you?” he murmurs, his voice low, a quiet rasp just for you. “Gotta say, I respect it—always sticking it to your old man, doing your own thing.” He leans in, his gaze drifting down to your lips before meeting your eyes again. “Not many people around here have the guts for that.”

You scoff lightly, though your heart skips as his gaze lingers on you, intense and challenging. “Oh, please,” you tease, rolling your eyes. “Since when do you care about any of this?”

A quiet laugh slips from him as his fingers trace slow, deliberate circles along your thigh. “You think I haven’t been paying attention to you all these years?” he murmurs, leaning closer, his breath warm against your neck.

“You might’ve been gone a while, but don't think I forgot all those nights we had our fun.” His words hang heavy between you as he pulls back slightly. Now his hand rests on your waist, his voice dropping lower.

He tilts his head, studying you with that familiar glint of mischief. “Now that you're back, I think we should relive some of our traditions, for old time's sake,” he says, leaning in until his lips brush against your jaw, light and teasing, close enough to make your pulse race. He pauses, his thumb skimming your cheek, his lips hovering just above yours, waiting. “But don’t act like you don’t want this as much as I do.”

Before you can snap back, his mouth claims yours, the kiss charged with all the years of pent-up tension and that all-too-familiar heat. His hands slide up to cradle your face as you wrap your legs around him, pulling him even closer. The kiss deepens, and when he finally pulls back just enough to catch his breath, he watches you with a smug, knowing grin.

“There it is,” he murmurs, his voice a low rumble against your lips, his thumb tracing your jaw as if memorizing every inch. “That look you get right before we make a mess of things. I knew it—you missed this just as much as I did.”

If only someone could recount how the two of found yourselves stumbling up the stairs towards your room, your soaked sheer cover-up left forgotten somewhere in the house after Rafe pulled it off of your frame.

"Shit-- Rafe," your teeth dug into the flesh of your bottom lip as you reached to open your bedroom door, horrified to see two other people had monopolized it. They hadn't even noticed the door was opened so you quickly closed it.

"What the fuck, I thought everyone knew my room was off limits." With a quick scan, you noticed items were hanging off almost all the guest rooms in the hall letting others know the room was occupied.

"Shit, there's nowhere else to go in here?" You think quickly on your feet before rushing off to get something before returning with a key in your grip.

Rafe pulls you close with a smirk as you clutch the key to your father’s room, the gleam in your eyes daring him to follow. “Breaking all the rules tonight, aren’t we?” he murmurs, his voice low and thick with approval. His hand slips around your waist as you unlock the door, both of you glancing down the hall to be sure no one’s watching.

You twist the handle and push open the door, and his hand slides down to squeeze your hip, pulling you against him. “I knew there was a reason I liked you,” he whispers against your ear, his lips grazing your skin, sending a thrill down your spine.

Once inside, you barely have a chance to lock the door before he has you pressed up against it. His lips are on yours, urgent and fierce, his hands roaming over your body with possessive ease. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” he breathes between kisses, his fingers tracing the bare skin of your waist as he lifts your top, letting it fall to the floor. “Thought I’d forgotten?” you tease.

Rafe just about growls, dipping down to kiss along your collarbone, his hands sliding lower as he backs you towards the bed. His fingers hook under the waistband of your bottoms, tugging them down with a smirk that sends heat rushing through you.

Your heart races as you feel the cool, forbidden sheets beneath you, the thrill of defying every rule and having Rafe look at you like you’re the only thing he’s ever wanted. His hands slide up your thighs, lips trailing down your neck as he leans over you. “You know,” he murmurs, voice heavy with desire as he takes in the sight of you sprawled out before him, “I always knew you were trouble. Guess that’s why I can’t stay away.”

With a smirk, he leans in, his lips brushing over yours as his hands explore, both of you savouring the thrill of being tangled up in each other once again.

"Look at these perfect fuckin' tits." He curses, big hands cupping your breasts, kneading them and rolling your nipples between his index and thumb. Your back arches slightly with a gasp, chest pressing up into him and he laughs.

"Still so sensitive here, angel? Some things never change." He reminisces and you roll your eyes, "Fuck off, Rafe." With the blink of an eye, his much larger frame was caging you in from above, his bulging biceps giving him an erotic juxtaposition in comparison to your head.

Balancing himself on one arm he slinks his palm around the expanse of your throat with a weighted pressure. "Been gone so long you forgot your manners? Mm? That's fine, I'll be sure to fuck some sense back into you."

Your eyes flutter shut at his filthy words as you feel his hand move and begin to work you between your legs. "Your pussy's fuckin' soaked--shit." He hisses, gaze hungry and his body acts on his thoughts faster than you can register.

A particularly loud moan slips from you as you feel his tongue skillfully lap over your folds, splitting you open as the warmth of his tongue protrudes into your core. "Yes, fuck! Please, don't stop Rafe." You moan, one hand reaching down to hold him by the hair and it hits you that he'd shaved it all off.

You let out a frustrated gruff, both hands fisting the sheets while you're forced to feel the vibrations of his sick laugh running through you at your dramatics. Even the tip of his nose had been covered in your slick, your juices running down his chin as he ate you out like a man starved.

He wouldn't be surprised if they could hear you from outside, but he knows everyone is far too high, too drunk or both to hear you. It wasn't long before your legs were beginning to shake and came with his name falling from your lips over and over like a prayer.

Taking deep breaths to recover from debatedly the best orgasm you've ever experienced, Rafe walked over to the far wall, out of sight, doing something you couldn't see before returning.

Without speaking he scoops you up into his arms, bridal style, another shameless display of his strength but it would be a lie to say it didn't drive you crazy. "What-what are you doing?" Your questions are ignored until he approaches the bubbling hot tub.

A wicked smirk curls across his lips as he eases you onto your feet in the warm water, his hands lingering on your waist, keeping you close. He gazes at you with that knowing glint, the steam rising around you both.

“Feels nice, doesn’t it?” he murmurs, his eyes trailing down your figure, unapologetic. His fingers skim over your sides, sending a shiver through you that’s from anything but the water.

“Are you really just gonna stand there?” you call, feeling the thrill of his attention but wanting to turn the tables, your voice laced with playful challenge.

“Oh, don’t worry,” he chuckles, unfastening his swim trunks and letting them fall to the side with a carefree grin. “I plan on joining you,” he says, slipping into the water and closing the distance between you two with smooth, unhurried steps. You take a hard swallow at his size, you don't remember him being this big.

He was going to destroy you.

You raise an eyebrow, matching his smirk. “Pretty bold of you, Rafe,” you say, your voice teasing as he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against him. “Just like old times, hmm?”

“Better than old times,” he murmurs, dipping his head so his lips graze your ear, his voice a low rumble. “Because now, nothing is stopping us.” He punctuates his sentence by pressing his body up against your back, elevating you a bit so your torso leans over the edge of the tub, granting him easy access to you.

"Fuck, can't believe your ass got even more fucking perfect since last time." His hand raises and comes back down with a loud spank that pulls a sinful moan from your throat. "Rafe, stop teasing." You whine, arching your back and pressing back against him.

His composure already weekend, he decided to let you get away with it this time before he lined up the swollen head of his thick cock with your entrance, "Better grab onto something." That's the last thing you hear before you're being impaled on his dick, your upper half immediately falls forward, and he stills, giving you a second.

You're breathless, it feels like his cock was taking up all the room in your lungs. Some water had splashed over the ledge but that was the least of your worries. Your mind was hazy and focused on Rafe's grunts that escaped him with every snap of his hips.

"Wish you could see how hot you look right now. The Sinclair wild child knows how to take big dick like a champ." His words run straight through you like electricity, fanning the flames of the burning heat that was beginning to form in your belly.

"Shit--This pussy was fuckin' made for me, y'know that?" You moan at his possessive statement. You can only nod, your body had gone limp long ago as he drilled into you. "R-rafe! I'm-" As if you weren't close enough, his fingers begin to rub over your clit aggressively and you jolt with a shriek.

"Oh- fuck, don't stop! Fuck! I'm gonna cum! Please, Rafe." You beg, over and over, arms hanging onto the edge of the tub for dear life as more water splashes around you.

"Wait for me, hold it until I say you can come." You're chewing your lip raw, desperately trying to hold yourself back as he wrecks you from the inside out, his moans getting more frequent, a little more airy and breathless as he tumbled toward his edge of pleasure.

"Cum with me, Angel." Your body spasms as you finish together and he leans his weight against your back, his laboured breathing fanning your ear as you come down from your high.

"Not bad, princess." You couldn't respond and Rafe took note of this, carefully holding you up with one final smug remark, "Hope I didn't wear out the queen of Kildare."

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marcyvampire · 2 months ago

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SILLY LITTLE BAT

pairings ⸺ Yandere! Platonic! Batfamily x Anti-Hero! Fem!reader.

sinopsis ⸺ In the shadowed halls of Wayne Manor, a girl lost among the darkness seeks the connection she never had. Her mother, a kleptomaniac with a broken heart, vanished, leaving only echoes of empty promises. Surrounded by a family that never sees her, her pain turns into a deafening silence. The void left by her past traps her in a limbo of solitude and sorrow.

One dark night, seeking her own way, she became what she once despised. Now, like the albino bat rejected by its own flock, she flies alone in the twilight. Her pale skin glows in the dark, but her heart still yearns for the warmth of a home she never came to know.

warnings ⸺ Dark Themes, Dead, murdering,Disturbing Content, Unhealthy Obsession, Discrimination, Violence, Blood, LGBT Content, Child Abuse, Kidnapping, Implicit Sexual Content, Mental Illness, Addiction, Suicide, Torture, Corruption, Isolation, Trauma, Phobias, Paranoia, Manipulation

Chapter Guide! Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt4

A/N — English is not my first language—Spanish is—so there might be some grammar or spelling mistakes here and there. This is the first part of a story I’m writing for a friend (Isabel, I love you, you brat), and also an experiment to see what it’s like to write on Tumblr. Please support me! :"((

Nobody is coming to save you

Get up.

Your mother was not a good woman, and that was an undeniable fact, heavy as the shadow that covers Gotham City at nightfall. She was a creature of the underworld, one among the specters that wandered under the yoke of crime, walking among dangerous names like Selina Kyle or Harleen Quinzel, yet always remaining in the background, never reaching their fame or infamy.

She was nothing more than a kleptomaniac and a mythomaniac, doomed to live by cunning and deceit. She took advantage of the men who crossed her path, from the lowest criminals, like The Penguin, to the most powerful man in the city: Bruce Wayne.

You never called him Dad. To you, he was always Bruce, and on the rare occasions you addressed him, you did so with distant formality, "Mr. Wayne." Richard, your adoptive brother, found in him a father figure, while to you, he was just another shadow in the mansion, that huge, cold house you arrived at after your mother’s death.

You remember how, time and again, you tried to warn your mother to stop stealing, to stop lying, that those dark paths would inevitably lead her to Arkham Asylum, surrounded by all the lunatics you feared so much, or even worse: to death. But she always responded with a playful smile, stroking your head with her delicate hands, adorned with stolen jewelry and crude tattoos. "Those are just fantasies of an eight-year-old girl," she would say sweetly, while her ring-laden fingers assured you that you needn’t worry, "I will always come back for you," she promised, "because you are the only thing more valuable than any diamond I’ve ever held."

But the cruel truth was that was the last time you saw her. That night she left, and she never returned. It was then that the last vestiges of innocence faded with her absence. From that moment on, you ceased to be a child.

And that was one of the few things you understood with absolute clarity. There were no more empty promises, no more caresses tinged with lies. All that remained was the silence of a life fading away, like a stolen jewel that never returns to its rightful owner.

The only thing you knew after calling the police when your mother didn’t show up after two days was that they found her corpse in a back alley far from Gotham, showing signs of having been beaten and bruised by some underground gang.

Commissioner Gordon searched the entire house for illicit substances and signs of debts to mobsters, but he only ended up finding documents, stolen jewelry, and letters from your mother that were never sent, and most importantly, DNA evidence implicating that the city’s millionaire was your biological father.

From then on, your life was stained with eternal gray, that muted shade that erased all traces of light or shadow. There was no more white or black, only a silent fog that, day by day, enveloped you and dragged you into a madness that seemed inevitable. Gotham itself seemed more alive than the place you called home, although "home" was never the right word.

You didn’t love any of the Wayne family members. Bruce, your biological father, never listened to you. To him, you were always just another shadow, a ghost in the vast mansion that he prioritized over his other children, his "true" heirs. There was always something more important, something more urgent, and your presence faded among the cold walls and the echo of his hurried footsteps. With each passing day, you became more invisible to him, as if your very existence were a mistake he preferred to ignore.

Richard, the perfect brother, was kind on some occasions. He spoke to you courteously, but when you needed him, when you asked him to attend one of your performances, there was always an excuse, something that kept him away, as if your passion and accomplishments were insignificant details in his heroic life.

Jason, on the other hand, despised you from the start. He saw you as an intruder, a child of gold—but not of that pure and valuable gold, but of a dirty and false one, which he always mocked with disdain. And although you never cared for him, when he died, silent tears rolled down your face. It wasn’t out of love, but out of respect for what he represented, for the brutal reality of his fall.

Tim, in contrast, was the most indifferent. To him, you were a nobody, so irrelevant that you weren’t even worth a glance. Spending time with his friends or being the Robin of the moment mattered more than you did. You lived on his periphery, in a limbo where neither your name nor your face seemed to exist.

Cassandra, Stephanie, Barbara… at least they treated you with politeness, but you knew they didn’t really remember who you were. They saw you, smiled at you out of obligation, but deep down you knew they had no idea of your name, your story, your struggle to be more than a shadow in that world.

The worst of all was Damian, your younger half-brother. When he arrived at the mansion, Alfred introduced him to you with that serene formality he always had, and you, driven by an almost desperate impulse, tried to reach out to him. You wanted to offer him the support and affection of an older sister, that warmth you would have longed for in his situation. But all you received in return was a cold response: a katana piercing your abdomen. I wish I could say it was just a metaphor, but no, that wound was as real as the blade that cut your skin.

You would have liked to think that the pain was symbolic, that Damian had only rejected your affection with harsh words or his usual arrogance. But no, it was much more than that. The only thing you received in exchange for your attempt at fraternal love was a stab, a scar you still carry not only on your body but also in your soul. Because in that brutal gesture, you understood that the blood that united you also separated you, sharper than any weapon. And that was how you tried to connect.

You strived to stand out, to learn, to shine in your own ambitions, wishing that your success would be enough to earn you a place, a bit of affection. But no matter how hard you tried, it was never enough. Your talent crashed against indifference, your achievements faded into the air, as if they had no weight in the lives of others.

The only light, the only beacon in that storm of gray, was Alfred. The only one who smiled at you with genuine tenderness, the only one you truly loved. To you, he was the real father, the one who was always there, expecting nothing in return, offering you a silent but firm love. You did call him father, and his presence was the only thing that kept your sanity, the only thing preventing the gray from consuming you completely.

But even that love, so genuine and deep, was not enough to fill the void that your own family left you. And in that void, you continue to float, trapped between the girl you were and the woman you are trying to be, searching for a place you can truly call home.

Y/n's small room, though modest, had always been her refuge. The walls were adorned with unfinished sketches, trophies from various activities, and some paintings she had completed with dedication, showcasing her passion for both manual and performing arts.

The dawn light filtered softly through the curtains, bathing the space in golden tones, giving it a warmth that contrasted with the coldness of the rest of Wayne Manor.

On the desk, a small cake rested on a plate, simple yet made with love. Beside it, Alfred, with his usual understated elegance, watched Y/n with a mixture of nostalgia and concern. He, the only one who seemed to remember her birthday, offered her a delicate professional drawing set, wrapped in smooth, elegant paper.

"Happy birthday, Miss," Alfred said with a gentle smile, although his eyes reflected a sadness that was hard to conceal. "I know how much you love art, so I thought this would be helpful for your new projects."

Y/n took the gift in her hands with a genuine smile. It had been so hard for her to find moments of joy lately, but Alfred's gesture filled her with a warmth in her chest that she hadn't experienced in a long time. She placed the gift into one of the many brown boxes she had prepared for her upcoming move.

"Thank you, Alfred. It's perfect," she said, examining the set carefully, as if each detail were a reminder of the affection he held for her. "It will help me a lot... although, well," she sighed, as if searching for the right words. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that." Alfred raised an eyebrow, attentive, as she continued, glancing at the small space that had been her home within the vast mansion.

"Today... today is not just my birthday. It's the day I leave here." Her voice was firm, yet there was a sense of liberation in it, as if this were a long-awaited step. "I am finally no longer a Wayne. I go back to being a L/n."

Silence filled the room for a moment, heavy and dense. Alfred clasped his hands, striving to maintain his composure.

"Miss, I can't help but feel a certain unease hearing this. Are you sure this is what you want? This house, though empty in many ways, has always been your home..."

"Home?" Y/n looked at him with a mix of sadness and determination. "This house has never been my home, Alfred. Not like it was for Dick, nor even for Bruce. I have always been a stranger here, the daughter of a woman who never fit into this world, the bastard child. My mother taught me to find my own path, to not cling to what doesn’t belong to me... and being here, being called Wayne, has never belonged to me." Alfred sighed softly, turning his gaze toward the window. He knew there was truth in her words, but that didn’t lessen the pain of her leaving. "I know it’s hard to understand," Y/n continued, "but for the first time in a long time, I feel happy, Alfred. I’ve graduated, college is just around the corner, and I want to start anew. I want to find what truly makes me, me... not what others expect of me."

The old butler remained silent for a few moments, nodding slowly. He knew he couldn't retain her, that it was not his place to interfere in the young woman's dreams. But still, he couldn’t help but feel a pang in his heart at the thought of the house being even emptier without her. "I just wish you find what you’re looking for, Miss. And if you ever need a place to return to... this door will always be open for you."

Y/n stepped closer to him, gently hugging him, something she had rarely done. "Thank you, Alfred," she whispered against his shoulder. "You will always be my family, but I need this. I need to discover who I am outside of this last name."

The old butler felt the lump in his throat as he tightened the embrace a little longer before letting her go. He knew that deep down, she was doing the right thing. But that didn’t make it hurt any less to see her leave.

"Alfred, can you call the movers? I’ll be leaving tonight," Y/n said as she closed the last box with trembling hands, her gaze lost in the empty corners of the room she once considered her refuge. The butler, ever serene, nodded with his unwavering calmness.

"Don't worry, Miss, I assure you they will be here on time." His voice was soft, almost an echo of the ancient walls of the mansion, as if he himself were part of that structure that had seen so many comings and goings, so many lives broken and healed in silence.

Alfred turned halfway to leave, but Y/n's voice stopped him, broken yet sweet, like a melody at sunset. "Alfred..."

The man turned slowly, his eyes filled with paternal warmth, though always contained behind a formal gesture. "Yes, Miss?" he replied, with that tranquility that had always brought Y/n peace in her worst moments.

She took a breath, feeling how the words she had kept for so long fought to come out, to break the shell she had built since childhood. "I’ve never told you, but... thank you. Thank you for being the father I never had, for being there when no one else was."

For a moment, the silence in the room was heavier than all the accumulated boxes, deeper than any word. Alfred, who had been a witness to so many confessions and secrets in that house, stood still, his eyes shining with an emotion he rarely showed. "Miss," he murmured, his voice slightly choked, "it was an honor and a privilege to take care of you. If I ever gave you anything close to what you deserved, then my life has had true purpose."

Y/n smiled sadly, nodding slowly. "You did, Alfred. You did. And for that, I will always carry you with me, even if I leave here."

The butler slightly bowed his head in respect, swallowing any emotion that might betray his composure. "Wherever you go, you will always have a home here, Miss."

"I know," she said, though in her heart, she knew she wouldn’t return.

And as Alfred left the room to make the call, Y/n let out a long sigh, as if with it, she were leaving behind a part of herself, a part she could no longer carry with her.

Life in Gotham is like constantly walking on the edge of a razor blade. The city never sleeps, always alert, always dangerous, and for someone with the Wayne surname, the risks multiply. It has been a year since you left the mansion, trying to erase any ties that bound you to that life, desperately wishing the name would fade into the echo of the dirty streets and crumbling buildings. But it's not that easy. The name Wayne remains an indelible mark that the media and the people of Gotham refuse to let fade. The forgotten child, the silent accident of billionaire Bruce Wayne. And although you try to live as if you don’t exist under that shadow, the weight of the legacy haunts you.

You left with little, barely enough money to rent a small apartment in one of the worst corners of the city. You share the space with a friend, a plant-loving girl who has filled every nook of the place with leaves and pots, as if trying to make green defy the constant darkness of Gotham. You get along well with her; her love for nature is almost an antithesis to the chaos of the city, and she has taught you that even in the hardest concrete, something can bloom. She always accompanied you on the coldest, loneliest nights, giving you a warmth that, although ethereal, was very welcome. But still, life is not easy. You barely survive, spending the little you have on cheap food and paying the rent. There are days when the cold seeps through the poorly sealed windows, and you wonder if it was really better to be in the mansion instead of this little trench. However, you prefer this rough freedom to the soulless luxury of Wayne Manor.

Freedom, however, comes at a price. It wasn't enough to distance yourself, to change your life, or even to always carry a knife for defense. Gotham does not forget. People recognize you in the shadows, whisper your name, and approach you, sometimes with curiosity and other times with disdain. You have been beaten more than once. Some just for being a Wayne, others because they think they can extort you, even though they have no idea you can barely get by. The scars on your body bear witness to those beatings, but you refuse to give up. You get up every morning, despite the pain, and continue on your way. You don’t need Batman. You don’t need Bruce. You learned long ago that he wouldn't come to save you.

That night, like so many others, you were heading to the subway for your night shift, with the hood of your coat covering your face, trying to go unnoticed. The sound of the tracks echoed in your ears, a constant reminder of the city's hustle. You had gotten used to walking fast, avoiding eye contact, as if each step was a small battle won against the city. But this time, something was different.

"So it was true, the little Wayne girl is roaming the city... how lovely." The raspy, mocking voice rang out beside you, cutting through the heavy air of the train station. The man speaking wore a suit that, at first glance, seemed elegant, but there was something about his extreme thinness, his skin clinging to his bones and his disheveled hair, that made him look more like a specter of Gotham than a distinguished figure. A ghost from the shadows that had stalked you since you set foot on the streets.

If it weren't for his gaunt appearance and unsettling aura, you might have mistaken him for one of your father's employees. "I'm not a Wayne anymore," you said disdainfully, your voice sharp like the edge of a dagger refusing to be touched. "If you want money, I don’t have any. And Mr. Wayne wouldn’t give a cent for me either."

Your gaze drifted to the station clock. 8 minutes until the train that would take you away from this corner of Gotham, far from the shadows and faces that always seemed to recognize you.

The man let out a dry, raspy laugh that sent chills down your spine. "I don’t want your money, pretty girl," he replied, moving closer, invading your space with the same familiarity that Gotham’s filth slipped into every corner. "You’re worth more than that." You felt his calloused, scarred hand rest on your hip, with a pressure that was neither violent nor friendly. The contact filled you with disgust.

7 minutes.

You clenched your fist, your jaw tight as you struggled to maintain your composure. "I don’t want sex either, idiot," you spat, your words loaded with contained fury. Your hand subtly slid toward your bag, where your knife lay, waiting to be used.

6 minutes.

The man didn’t flinch. In fact, he let out a low, mocking laugh. "And I don’t want that either, little girl," he murmured, his cold, deep blue eyes scrutinizing you as if they could read every dark corner of your soul. "I want something more from you."

5 minutes.

"What do you want then?" you asked, forcing yourself to keep your voice steady, even as the ice of fear began to creep down your spine. Your eyes scrutinized him, searching his gaze for any hint of his true intentions, but all you saw was darkness.

4 minutes.

He let out a long, chilling laugh, tightening his grip on your hip. "Do you know what I want, Y/n?"

3 minutes.

His voice dropped, as if his words were a cursed secret the wind refused to carry away. "I want you."

2 minutes.

The world seemed to stop. You knew there was no time to run. There was no time to pull out the knife or to scream. It was as if the clock itself had conspired against you, reducing those last minutes to mere seconds.

1 minute.

The blow was sharp, a flash of excruciating pain at the back of your head. The cold metal of the station, the hum of the city, everything faded abruptly. The last thought that crossed your mind, before the world vanished into darkness, was that this time, you didn’t expect Batman to save you. It wasn’t a mere thief or a street threat that was taking you.

Gotham, with all its cruelty, always had new ways to remind you that there is no escape.

That night, when the Gotham subway stopped at the station, there was no one to pick up.

The mansion felt emptier than ever, like a deserted and cold labyrinth, where each hallway seemed to stretch into an infinite tunnel, devouring the light.

The silence was overwhelming, an oppression that enveloped every corner, as if even the ancient walls had run out of words. It was so heavy that the few who remained in the mansion couldn’t help but move uncomfortably, trying to fill that void with something, anything.

Bruce Wayne walked through those same hallways with a strange feeling, as if something was missing, though he didn’t know what. An unease, a persistent discomfort that he couldn’t shake off.

He had been like this for months, with that absence haunting his mind, a gap he couldn't identify. And then, suddenly, like a gust of icy wind, the truth struck him.

You.

His daughter.

His little daughter.

How long had it been since he last saw you? When was the last time he heard your laughter, the one that always seemed too sarcastic, too filled with resentment? He stopped abruptly, frowning. Why couldn’t he remember you? He couldn’t bring to mind a clear image of your face, not even how you used to look at him... why? How could he have forgotten you like that?

Damn.

It was as if time had stopped. It had been a year, maybe more, since he had really thought about you. He felt a pang of guilt pierce his chest, a heavy, silent guilt that dragged him into the abyss of his own negligence. Not knowing what else to do, he began to check the rooms, one after another.

Each door he opened was another blow to his conscience. Where was your room? The more he searched, the more confused he felt. The mansion was enormous, but how could he have forgotten where you slept? How was it possible that he didn’t know where you lived in the house where both of you grew up? Had you been here all this time?

Each door he opened was identical to the last, as if all the rooms had fused into one.

None showed a trace of you.

None seemed to have a hint of your presence. Didn’t you decorate your room? He thought frantically, didn’t you even mark it as yours? Panic began to take hold of him. Anxiety wrapped around him like a fist tightening on his chest. Were you still living in the mansion? Or had you left without saying a word, like a shadow fading at dawn? But... no, you hadn’t mentioned anything. You hadn’t said you were leaving. Or had you? And if you had, why didn’t he remember? How could he have ignored you for so long that now he didn’t even know if you were still under the same roof?

“Ah!” he exclaimed in a whisper, unable to contain the dread he felt.

Frustration consumed him from within. He stopped in the middle of the hallway, breathing heavily, and the echo of his voice faded into the empty walls. He tried to remember something, anything about you, about the last time they spoke, about how you were... but everything was blurry, as if his mind was betraying him, hiding you behind an impenetrable fog.

How could he have forgotten so much?

He brought his hands to his head, trying to calm himself, but only felt more confusion, more desperation. The mansion, which had once been his home, now felt like a strange and foreign place.

Had you been the one who made it feel like home? The question echoed in his mind, but he had no answer. Just more questions. More uncertainties. Finally, he let his arms fall, exhausted. He had checked almost all the rooms and had found not a trace of you. Not a clue. Not a sign that you had been there. And at that moment, something dark and painful began to settle in his heart.

Had you ever really been there?

Then something caught his attention as he passed by the cleaning room. In a dusty corner, next to a forgotten bag, something was protruding. Something small, old, and faded. He bent down and pulled it from the dirty clothes. It was a stuffed animal, or what was left of one. The faded black of its suit left no doubt. It was a figure of Batman, but worn down by time, battered to the point of looking forgotten.

Bruce's eyes were fixed on the small piece of fabric hanging from the doll's neck. A tag.

Your name.

Your name, handwritten, in ink that was already fading.

Bruce felt a lump in his throat, a mix of guilt and rage. How could he have forgotten something so important?

He clutched the doll tightly, as if doing so would return a piece of you to him, but instead of comfort, he only felt more emptiness. Where were you? He ran to Alfred, who looked at him with a mix of concern and pity.

"Alfred..." Bruce said, his voice breaking. "Where is she? Where is my daughter?"

The butler, with his always serene face, seemed to age suddenly. A long silence settled between them, as if time was fading away. "Mr. Bruce, I didn’t mean to..." Alfred lowered his gaze. "I didn’t want to burden you with that truth, but... it’s time you know."

Bruce felt a chill run down his spine. Truth? What truth?

"She left almost a year ago. She didn’t say where. She just... she took all her belongings, though they weren’t many, and left. She said she didn’t want to be a burden. That you and the other family members had too many things to worry about."

Bruce took a step back, as if the words had physically struck him. Did she have enough age to leave? A burden? Never, not for a second, did he think that of you, of his little daughter who, even though she wasn’t wanted, he embraced under his wing just like Damian.

You were never a burden.

...or were you?

No, he refused to acknowledge it; he just... he hadn’t spent time with you because Gotham needed him!

But when you needed him, where was Batman?

Where was Bruce Wayne when his only biological daughter needed him?

"Alfred, do you know anything about Y/n?" the hero asked, worry clear on his face.

Alfred didn’t look at him; he only stared into nothingness. "...I haven’t heard anything about her for two months...

And honestly... I'm starting to think...

that she might be lost to us forever..."

A/N — This is definitely apart from being my first official Tumblr post, it is also my first DC post and especially the first from the Lord of the Night xD

Don't hesitate to ask me anything if you want.

Isabel, I dedicate this to you, my love. Eat more to be well, you fucking anorexic, don't suck.

take a bath!

inspiration: @acid-ixx with his Again & Again series, @gotham-daydreams' work, @i-cant-sing's work and @klemen-tine's work, be sure to check them out!

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a-scary-lack-of-common-sense · 1 month ago

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More of Stanley's sketchbook because he makes me sick /pos

(Just imagine he was looking in a mirror at the subway to draw this anshfhwj. The london bus ticket is unrelated, it's just a random knick knack he had lying around<3)

People weren't the only ones Stan met on the streets.

------

+ this is an absolute fucking batshit WILD oneshot I initially wrote for these drawings that got WAY out of hand, if you feel like reading that.

The oneshot below is a stand-alone now, and in no way is related to the drawings above, but I just wanted to show you guys because Jesus Christ

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Winter of 1981, at a subway station Stan doesn't remember the name of-

The sorry excuse of a transport system that this hellhole of a city called a functioning subway was hardly anyone's first choice of a warm place to stay the night. And yet, here Stanley was; standing like an idiot in the middle of a small bustling stairwell that led down to the full screeching chaos of a train stop on a Tuesday evening. A rowdy crowd of exhausted office workers streamed out like a tidal wave from the entrance of the station, the bustle of their footsteps all too eager to go home and relax after a long day of work.

The faint, stuffy stench of old piss and sweat followed the crowd to the surface from the deep depths of a less than sanitary and overcrowded train station. The pungent smell intermingled with the crisp stinging winter air in a cocktail of shitty city gloom often associated with this time of the year; when the holidays were too far away and the sun seemed to come and go with practically the same 9 to 5 schedule as the workers had, leaving them going to work in the pitch dark and coming back out in the inky black as well.

He might have looked like he belonged there, depending on how one would want to look at it. He stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the sea of prim, pressed suits and neart uniforms. His ratty old jacket and generally unwashed appearance certainly didn’t help his case, but he also knew that stations like these also tended to shelter quite a number of homeless wanderers like him, especially during the winter. So, it wasn't exactly uncommon to see other sore thumbs seeking reprieve from the biting cold and the dangerous likelihood of frostbite from within the enclosed walls of the subway station.

Heck, if most of these underground kingdoms didn't also happen to be a breeding ground for several illicit activities, he might even have followed their lead. But, believe it or not, Stanley's already had enough experience with illegal activities to last him a last time, and he isn't looking for a new fill. He was satisfied with what meager shelter his trusty car offered him, as little a difference it might make in terms of safety.

Stanley's obstruction of the already narrow stairs with his loitering went unappreciated, as shoulders roughly shoved past him and swinging briefcases repeatedly bumped into his sides, usually coupled with a nasty glare and a snide comment or two. He paid them no mind, however. He wasn't here to start a fight with some random bum with a dead end job, as much as he thought it would probably do them both some good to duke their stresses out on one another.

The hours ticked by with wave after wave of new crowds being dropped off by a train and left to pour out of the station into the streets. By the time the streetlights turned on and the pale pink in the sky slowly faded to make way for the stark glittery black of the night sky, the tide of people had slowed to a trickle and rush hour was long since over. He was now the stairs’ sole occupier, with a few occasional stragglers stumbling up the steps and hurrying past him without a second glance.

Stanley did not move from his spot, however. He stood resolutely in the middle of the stairway, fervently rubbing his arms and stamping his feet in a futile attempt to try and regain feeling in his extremities as he waited. Rocking on his heels, he titled his head backwards to let his eyes roam the constellations that carpeted the endless expanse of the sky stretched out above his head, almost losing himself in the scintillating canvas of stars.

It reminded him of old times; of the sparkling beach sand twinkling in the dim moonlight, and the soft sound of lilting waves hovering in the background as he lay back on the cold wooden deck of his ship and watched the stars dance.

He still remembered every name his brother had once recited to him time and time again as he pointed out each star and galaxy from the night sky.

Then, like clockwork, he was broken out of his reveries by a telltale meow coming from below. The sound was a familiar blanket that immediately melted away the tension that had begun to build in his chest as he practically sagged with relief.

His body moved almost automatically as he leaned down to detach the frail tabby cat that was attempting to literally fuse with his legs, purring up a storm and rubbing her head against his pants as though her life depended on it. The cat gave a soft chirrup of dissatisfaction at being manhandled, which Stanley absentmindedly replied with a chiding click of his tongue as he lifted her up his chest and gently tucked her into his jacket in a practiced motion.

She thankfully remained blissfully limp in his grasp as he shifted around some more so that she was nestled comfortably inside the dark pocket of warmth inside his ratty jacket. The tiny warm lump that rumbled contently against his front radiated with heat, and his fingers finally began to feel like actual fingers rather than useless stiff frigid lumps of meat and bone attached to his palms.

A pointed cough startled him from his clumsy wriggling to get the cat to settle down. An oddly familiar security guard stood at the entrance of the station at the bottom of the stairs, leveling Stanley an unimpressed look with the metal gate in his grip already halfway closed, ready to seal the subway for the night. He must have been a comical sight; caught awkwardly bent over while trying to get his newly acquired cat to stop kneading biscuits on his stomach, with said cat peeking out from the gap between his collars.

Stanley faintly recognized the guard. He was a much older man, with a shock of thinning white hair neatly tucked underneath a dark blue cap and a strange depth in his eyes that reminded Stanley of the sea; with countless unspoken truths lurking far beneath the surface, but no less grand and knowing of all that the universe had to offer, as though he had already lived a thousand lives before this one.

He had seen the man around before, at another station, doing the opposite of his job by ushering stray buskers and homeless stragglers from the streets and into the (relatively) safe walls of the subway, instead of doing what any other law-abiding security guard would do and kick them out into the elements. He wasn't sure what the older man was doing here, of all places, since all the previous stations he'd seen the man at had been several states over, practically on the other side of the country.

A brief spark of panic shot through his spine at the thought that this man could be following him, but he quickly discarded the ridiculous notion as soon as it entered his mind. He had never even seen him before, and hardly ever even interacted with him; there was no reason for there to be any sort of bad blood between them. Unless he happened to be related to one of Stanley's many, many enemies, then perhaps his fear was a little warranted.

However, the old guard made no move to attack or do anything other than stare judgmentally, almost expectantly. For the first time in a long time, Stanley felt like a child being caught doing something he wasn't supposed to do. He tried his best to keep his uncomfortable squirming to a minimum under the unrelenting gaze, stubbornly returning the man's gaze with his own wary glare. His cat’s muffled whining came from inside his jacket. The traitor, she was leaving him to deal with the old man on his own.

With an exasperated jerk of his head, the security guard gestured towards the inside of the station. For a moment, Stanley stared dumbly, uncomprehending of what the old man could possibly want from him. Rolling his eyes, this time the man gestured more insistently at the small gap that still remained between the metal gate and the entrance, his arm sweeping the air in a low arc as he dramatically urged Stanley inside. Suddenly, it clicked, and Stanley shook his head.

“I have a car,” he said plainly, his voice echoing loudly in the desolate silence of the winter night that surrounded the unlikely pair.

He wasn't sure why he was so nervous, it wasn't as though he was lying. He did have a car, his trusty Stanley-mobile was parked safely away in the corner of an unassuming alley that wasn't often frequented by anyone. There was no way he was reaching it tonight, though; it was practically on the other side of the city, much too far away for him to arrive at a reasonable time. His nightly excursions to meet his small friend unfortunately left him with no other choice than to leave his car behind, the hunk of metal far too unwieldy and noticeable to drive around openly on the streets. He never knew who could be watching, after all.

He had simply been hoping to find himself a dark corner to tuck himself into with his cat, just for the night, but it seemed as though the universe had other plans. Or rather, this strange old man had other plans.

Although, if Stanley thought about it, the subway wasn't such a bad suggestion. This was one of the safer stations in the city; and with the rich neighborhoods being so close by, no rogue criminal or dealers dared to come near this area unless they wanted to be slapped with a hefty fine or face a higher potential to be arrested. And of course, there was the obvious shelter from the unrelenting cold that now seemed to permeate his bones, even with the purring warmth that was nestled inside his jacket.

So, that was how he found himself hunkering down for the night inside a shabby old subway station, with a satisfied cat still rumbling away against his chest and a strange old security guard locking down the gates behind him. The man said nothing as he hooked his keys back onto his belt and gave a firm pat on Stanley's shoulders as he walked past him, pausing to scratch his cat behind her ears before moving away. His footsteps bounced off of the grimy tiled walls with an odd reverb as he turned a corner.

“You'll be safe in here,” the man said, voice sage and gravelly. The words had a weight to them, and seemed to hang in the air with such a presence it was as though the old man had never even left his side.

The subway was empty, quiet. It was such a stark contrast to the loud rowdiness of the rush hour crowd these halls once held. Stanley hadn't yet registered the utter silence of the station as he aimlessly made his way down the winding, deserted halls of the ancient station. He mindlessly walked past the aged and peeling advertising posters plastered on the walls, his nose becoming accustomed to the stinging stench of the subway. The quiet seemed to swallow the sound of his steps as he explored the branching paths and endless tunnels. They were almost kaleidoscopic, dizzying, nonsensical. There were doors where there shouldn't be, and deadends where it didn't make sense.

The silence only began to truly settle in his bones the more he walked. He suddenly wished that he would head the telltale footsteps of the old security guard again, just to hear another sign of life in this underground hellscape other than himself. The ghostly memories of screeching trains and bustling crowds haunted the halls; now, only nothingness reigned supreme. He glanced down at his small feline companion, who slumbered away against his chest, blissfully unaware of his jackrabbiting heartbeat threatening to burst out of his ribs. The silence seemed to permeate every inch of space and crush the air out of his lungs. He couldn't breathe.

Stanley’s steps grew faster, more frantic as the walls and ceilings seemed to close in on him. They grew smaller, tighter; squeezing, trapping. He hardly even registered his cat's complaints as she was jostled around in his grasp, breaking into a full out run. His breathing sounded loud, too loud, and the world was collapsing around him.

When he finally broke out into a large, open platform, he could finally breathe again. He had arrived at the tracks, the empty tunnel where the trains would pass an empty, gaping maw in the wall that seemed to swallow all light around it and beckon him closer. He felt his cat wriggle out from within his jacket and hop out with a displeasured yowl, scampering away and disappearing behind a corner much like the old man had. True silence pierced his ears and thrummed like a deafening pressure in his temples. He was alone.

Stanley was stuck in that subway station for years.

#i only have the Paris and Korean subways as frame reference so i have no idea what american subways look like #just imagine the paris subway system- i heavily used it as a reference to draw and write these since it's #the only subway that I know AND looks 1980-ish enough to pass #gravity falls #gravity falls fanart #gravity falls fanfiction #gravity falls au #<-ig???#there are mirrors in subways right- I've seen a lot of curved wall length mirrors at subway stations #stanley pines #stan pines #grunkle stan #stanley's sketchbook #tw liminal space #tw horror #<- I mean eh- my horror writing skills is sub par at best #cats #tw scopophobia #tw staring #on the other hand- stanley being friends with street cats!! so cute <33 #you can visibly SEE in the fic where I completely lost my grip on the story from 'sweet story about cats' to 'oh my god what the fuck'#my art

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toomanystoriessolittletime · 4 months ago

Text

A fake soccer date

Summary: Joel asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend to get the soccer moms off his back. How convenient that you're both kind of in love with each other.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Wordcount: 2.2k

Rating: E

Warnings: no outbreak, friends to lovers, FAKE DATING, mentions of dead spouse, a little angst, soccer moms (ugh), fluff, making out, smut (protected sex), dirty talk, a lot of kissing, Joel being in love, banner just for the vibes

Part of Fake Dating drabbles

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Full Masterlist // Joel Miller Masterlist

You understood his weekly dread of going to Sarah’s soccer matches now.

It wasn’t the soccer or the getting up at 6 am to drive to some god awful town hours away to watch a bunch of teenage girls play ball.

It was the soccer moms.

And Joel was the only single Dad of the group. There was flirting. There were definitely not occasion appropriate attire and cleavage. There was touching.

And that was only what you saw as you watched him in the middle of at least six women who were fussing over him like he was the only men left alive while you made your way towards the field from the parking lot.

He had asked you before if you would accompany him to one of Sarah’s games.

You had been neighbours since before Sarah was born. He had inherited the fixer upper next door when he just turned twenty and made the most out of it. You had seen his life fall apart within months from the moment he found out his ex girlfriend was pregnant not long after. They had tried to get back together again.

It was you and your late husband Andrew who had been there for him once Sarah was born and his ex had left him alone. You probably spent more times in Joel’s house than your own in those first weeks, all of you being new to taking care of a new born.

But Sarah made it easy.

Andrew, Joel and you grew close in the coming years.

So close that Joel was the first one you called when you were sitting in a hospital in the early morning hours after an accident on your way back from your summer vacation.

An accident Andrew did not survive.

He showed up an hour later with a sleeping Sarah in his arms, holding you all night as you cried into his shoulder.

The time after that was blurry. But you knew Joel was there every single step through your grief, right beside you.

He was your best friend.

And as best friends it was okay to ask you to pretend to be dating him to get the soccer moms off his back, right?

It’s not like he knew that you kind of fell in love with him over the last year, right?

With a nervous inhale you put a smile on your face as you approached Joel from behind, his broad back standing out to you in between the moms who had only eyes for him. You put one of your arms around him as you sneaked to his side, feeling him stiffen for a moment as you looked up at him, meeting his eyes. He smiled down at you, instantly relaxing, his arm coming around you to pull you closer against his side.

„Hi,“ he smiled warmly and you smiled back.

„Sorry I’m late. The line was endless,“ you lied and he chuckled. You felt his hand rest on your hip, squeezing you lightly.

„Glad you could make it. Sarah is gonna be excited to see you,“ he said. Like you had not seen her yesterday when you had dinner together at your house.

He kissed your temple and you closed your eyes for a moment before you turned your head too look at the people standing around you. The women were glaring at you and didn’t even attempt to hide it.

„If you'll excuse me ladies. We got a match to watch,“ Joel said, not waiting for an answer before he pulled you towards the field, not letting go of you.

„I can practically feel them trying to kill me with their eyes,“ you mumbled and he huffed a laugh.

„I told you. I didn’t even do anything. They just appear out of thin air once I get here,“ he groaned and you rolled your eyes. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he’d pretend to not now the looks he received from women around him.

Joel Miller was a catch and everyone knew it.

You came to stand at the fence separating the field and the audience, watching as the girls warmed up on the soccer field. Sarah saw you and waved wildly and you waved back with a bright smile. You felt Joel stand behind you, before his hands came down next to yours on the fence.

„Thank you for doing this,“ he hummed against your ear as he leaned down, his chin resting on your shoulder for a moment. You took a deep breath.

„Anything for you,“ you mumbled, gasping when he fell into you against the fence, someone having pushed him. You heard him groan lowly against your ear, his body flush against yours. He took a step back immediately, turning to his side but you were pretty sure you had felt his hard bulge press into your ass for a second.

You turned your head to look at him, finding his cheeks a little flushed as he looked everywhere but at you. But before you could say anything the kids coach cheered the girls on and they got into position for the game to start.

And a couple minutes later Joel was standing behind you again, and you were leaning against his strong chest, one of his arms around your stomach as you watched his daughter play soccer on the field in front of you.

„Are we…. Are we still pretending to be dating?“ You mumbled against his lips, your fingers unbuttoning his flannel.

Things had…. Escalated a little.

One of his hands was on the side of your neck, tilting your head up as his lips moved against yours, your body pressed against the wall next to his bedroom, his body caging you in.

„Do you want to be pretending?“ He asked, his lips kissing down your throat as his other hand came to squeeze one of your tits over your shirt.

„Cause I haven’t been all day,“ he mumbled and you gasped.

You were both still fully clothed, having spent the whole day together on the soccer field, pretending to be dating.

It was pretend when he held your hand while you grabbed food.

It was pretend when he pulled you on his lap when there wasn’t enough place to sit.

It was pretend when you went up and kissed him when one of the soccer moms had her hands on his chest.

Right?

„Joel….“ You hummed letting you head fall against the wall as his hand slipped under your shirt and towards your chest. You finally had his flannel open your fingernails scratching over the shirt he was wearing underneath.

„I… I don’t want to pretend. I… I want you. I want you all the time,“ you confessed, your eyes closed as he sucked on the soft skin on your neck.

He looked at you then a small smile on his flushed lips.

„Good,“ he simply said, before he kissed you again and pulled you towards his bedroom.

He undressed you slowly, kissing a path from your lips down to your hips before he told you to lay down.

With your arms spread out on his mattress you looked up at him as he got out of his clothes, biting your lip when you saw his thick cock, already glistening at the tip.

„Dreamed of this,“ he said as he joined you on the bed, crawling on top of you, kissing you softly as he laid down between your spread legs.

You nipples hardened as his chest brushed against yours, the only thought in your head being that you wanted him closer. Always closer.

„Yeah?“ You asked with a small smile, your fingers brushing over his back. He nodded.

„Me too. Dreamed of this for months,“ you confessed and he kissed you again.

„Months?“ He asked kissing your nose.

„Mhh… Think I knew when you fixed my bathroom sink and explained every little step you were doing. Thought back then that I’d listen to everything you’d explain to me as long as you wouldn’t leave,“ you said quietly, a little shy.

You parted your lips when you felt his cock slip though your folds.

„When you held Sarah after she fell from her bike last year. I watched you with my daughter in your arms and thought to myself, fuck I’m in love with her,“ he said and you felt a tear slip out of your eyes.

You tilted your chin up to find his lips in a deep kiss before you brought one hand down and between your bodies, hearing him moan when your fingers wrapped around his stiff cock.

„Wanna taste you first,“ he mumbled against your lips.

You shook your head.

„Plenty of time for that after. Wanna feel you please,“ you pumped his cock and he closed his eyes, his forehead resting against yours.

„Fuck. Fuck okay. Condom?“ He asked and you grinned.

„You got some? I’m on birth control and I trust you,“ you said. He looked at you for a moment before he shook his head.

„The last time I didn’t use a condom with someone who was on birthcontrol I got Sarah,“ he chuckled before he pushed off of you and reached towards his bedside table, finding a little golden foil package, ripping it open and pulling it over his cock.

He came back to kneel between your legs, one of his hands wrapped around his cock while he reached for a pillow and with a grin.

You grinned back, arching your back as he pushed the pillow under you and under your ass before both of his hands pulled you towards him. You crossed your legs behind his ass, pulling him closer as he leaned down, lining his cock up with your pussy.

„No more pretending,“ he whispered and you shook your head.

„No more pretending,“ you repeated before you kissed him as he slowly pushed inside of you.

Your lips parted against his as he slipped inside you, both of you breathing heavily, a quiet moan coming from you as he stretched you.

You hadn’t been with anyone since your husband died and Joel wasn’t exactly small.

"You okay?“ He asked, slowing down.

You just nodded, before you kissed him again, finding yourself enjoying the stretch of his cock as it pushed slowly inside of you.

„Keep going, feels so fucking good,“ you mumbled against his lips and you felt him smile as he moved, his cock moving inside of you until his whole length was filling you, both of you releasing a loud breath.

„Should have done this sooner,“ he said as he pulled back and began to slowly fuck into you. You had one hand in his hair, the other on his ass, feeling him as he moved inside of you, his cock filling you perfectly with every thrust.

„Yeah,“ you moaned, closing your eyes.

„Keep your eyes open,“ he hummed and you did, finding him looking at you.

„I wanna see you when you cum on my cock,“ he said and your walls clenched, making him smirk.

„You liked that, huh?“ He asked and you nodded slowly.

„Keep going,“ you whimpered.

„You know what I think of when I jerk myself off in the shower? I imagine the way you look when you cum. I wonder how you sound when I make you cum so hard you see stars. I wonder how you taste. I wonder if you like it hard or slow. I wonder if you wear these pretty lace panties I saw hanging in your bathroom that one time whenever you’re around me,“ he continued and you whimpered his name.

„I wonder if you would let me fuck you at the dining table when we have dinner together. Or if you’d suck me off in the garage when we have a couple minutes to ourselves. Or on the couch after we watched a movie. I wonder if I can make you scream my name so everyone knows that you’re mine,“ he said before he kissed you and changed the angle of how he was fucking you, his cock hitting a spot inside of you that had you shaking.

„I’m gonna take you to the lake house this weekend so I can have you screaming as loudly as you want to,“ he said and you nodded biting your lip to keep quiet, still mindful of the child sleeping down the hall.

„Cum for me baby, let me feel you,“ he said as he crashed his lips down on yours and you shattered, coming harder than you had ever before, your legs shaking as he kept pumping his cock into you in quick deep thrusts.

„Fuuuuuck,“ you cried quietly against his lips, feeling his lips twitch into a smile.

„Beautiful,“ he hummed before his hips stuttered his cock pulsing inside of you as he slowly continued to fuck into you, his forehead coming to rest against yours as he orgasmed.

Both sweaty and out of breath you just looked at each other before he kissed you and slowly rolled you to the side, pulling you against his chest, his cock softening and still resting inside of you.

Kissing his chest you nuzzled against him, feeling his arms tighten around your body.

„Best fake date ever,“ you grinned and you felt him chuckle, before he kissed your head just as you drifted off to sleep.

#my fic #fake dating drabbles #Joel Miller #Joel Miller x fem. reader #Pedro Pascal #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #tlou fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction

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afterglowsainz · 2 months ago

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when you walk away | lando norris

pairing: lando norris x singer!reader

summary: lando is having trouble dealing with breaking up with you and you moving on

fc: olivia rodrigo

warnings: a little angst, messed up timeline

a/n: formula 1 is back! and so are my fics about the race winner 🥳

—

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landonorris two years together with the loveliest and most talented girl in the world. my heart still beats faster every time you’re around ❤️

tagged yourusername

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username cutest couple in the grid 🥰

username is it too soon to say that i want them to get married?

username two years !!! it feels like she just released the first song about him yesterday!

username two years since i was introduced to f1 thanks to y/n 💗

username happy anniversaryyyy

oscarpiastri congrats 👍🏽

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username y/n girl at least acknowledge this 😭

username not even a thank you 😭😭

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yourusername small break between shows 🌤🌪

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username she ate i fear

username posting a thirst trap so we ignore her attitude towards lando’s post is workinggg

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gracieabrams marry me like yesterday

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username just because she didn’t post anything on social media doesn’t mean she doesn’t care you guys take everything out of proportion 😭

landonorris prettiest girl on the beach ❤️

username bro 😭

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landonorris hot summer with cool people

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username summer lando content you we’re missed!

username that first pic … i’m going feral

username see guys they’re together everything is fine 🙄

username did they tell you that personally or ???

username he literally posted two pictures of them together what more do you want

maxfewtrell 😎

username have to love this genre of pictures from lando

username no but he posts her and everything and she doesn’t even like the post

username she also posted pictures from the same vacation just on her own

username leave her alone ffs

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landonorris special helmet for hungary 🇭🇺 (sorry for last year, hopefully this makes it up 😁)

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username that is so sweet of him 😭

username this might be the prettiest helmet of the season

username so excited for hungary!

username and the girlfriend … nowhere to be seen

username maybe she’ll go for the race 🤷🏽‍♀️

username doubt it

username “hungary will be great” we all say in unison

username manifesting for him 🕯🕯🕯

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yourusername rehearsing rehearsing one two three 🎤

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username a face people would go to war for

username so excited for the tour again 🤩

username obsessed with all the outfits

lilyzneimer so happy!

yourusername 🥰🥰🥰

username i love that she’s going on tour again but i’m gonna miss seeing her at the gp’s 😔

username she hasn’t been to a grand prix in a while anyway 😩

username STILLLL

sabrinacarpenter can’t wait 💞

yourusername ahhhh ❤️

liked by f1wags and others

f1gossip recent pictures of lando norris partying in hungary, belgium and monaco

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username how is he still alive

username he’s been partying kind of a lot no? every weekend at least

f1gossip 🤷🏽‍♀️

username my take is that him and y/n broke up and this is his way of coping

username honestly … makes sense

username dj lando is back!

username good luck y/n 👍🏽

username he lowkey had a glow up 👀

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yourusername happy to be back on the road 🎸 kentucky you were too much ✨✨✨

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username ahhhh best night ever

username talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before

username thinking about this night till my last day

username y/n y/l/n the absolute icon that you are

username no lando like or comment ohhh is it crazy to say they broke up?

username please don’t put this into the universe i can’t take it

username im living for this y/n era

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f1gossip lando norris recently seen kissing a bunch of different women in monaco

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username 💔💔💔

username oh he really is heartbroken

username I VOLUNTEER

username why do they all lowkey look like y/n 👀

username OMG YES i thought i was the only one who saw it

username bro has a type

username so like what places in monaco ??? asking for a friend

username fuckboy lando was never a conspiracy theory 😔

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landonorrisupdates lando showed his new cat on stream tonight! it’s a girl and her name is y/n/n 🐱

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username BROTHER 😭😭😭

username there no way he actually named his cat the nickname he used to call y/n

username he is NOT over the break up

username my guy it’s been seven months let it goooo

username ignoring her name … that’s the cutest cat i’ve ever seen 🥰

username YES she really is adorable 💗

username not to be dramatic but i would die for y/n/n

username no i get it lando if my ex was y/n y/l/n i would also be obsessed

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yourusername we play tennis here 🎾

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username OMG I KNEW IT

username she’s dating carlos alcaraz ??? that’s so random 😭

username i’m kinda obsessed with this couple 🤭

username no more vroom vroom i guess 😔

username it’s been almost a YEAR of no vroom vroom please let it go

username someone check on lando!

username oh no! another celebrity couple i’m gonna be completely in love with!

landonorris we have to play doubles soon 😁 maxverstappen1

carlitosalcarazz i’m in 😉

yourusername i’m not on that level yet 😭

landonorris don’t worry, max sucks too

maxverstappen1 hey!

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dollaches · 4 months ago

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— tell me & i’ll be around

♡ farm! ellie williams x fem! reader

synopsis: with ellie working so hard in the sweltering heat of summer, you decide to treat her to a special night

a/n: first time writing on my phone dont be too harsh lol

warnings: domestic life, farm au, no apocalypse just lesbian sex, stressed ellie, tooth rotting fluff, alcohol consumption, established relationships, tradwife beginnings i fear, kissing, fingering (e! receiving), cunnilingus (e! receiving), sub top ellie i guess?? i dont know, mentions of spit, just porn with very poor plot

wc: 3k

Summer days brought along a sun that refused to yield, the farm consumed by a dry heat that was nearly unbearable.

Unfortunately, it was a rather important time of the year for you and your girlfriend, as the animals needed tending to and the crops had to be monitored and well watered. But Ellie refused to let you do anything at all, her brows furrowing with hesitation whenever you pleaded to at least help her with the animals in the morning when the heat has not yet reached its peak.

Yet time and time again, Ellie rejects your offer ever so gently, her voice as soft as butter melting on the hot asphalt as she speaks to you. “You know I feel better with you in the house, sugar. I don’t mind workin’ alone, plus I can’t have a pretty thing like you bein’ out in this heat now, can I?”

She knew how to sweet talk you whenever you started overthinking, yet the memory of her words offered you no comfort as you watched her from the large window in the kitchen. You could see the way her thin white tanktop was clinging to her tanned skin, sweat soaking through the material so that you could almost see every detail of her toned body. She was working away, feeding all the animals one last time before turning in for the night.

Her muscles tensed as she carried tin buckets of food out to the barn and you have to try your best to not get distracted, rushing into the kitchen to grab exactly what you knew she was going to be craving after a long day.

You were going to spoil her and take care of her if it was the last thing you did, as she deserves just as much attention as she gives to you.

The sound of heavy footsteps on the porch makes you perk up, the wooden door creaking open before it slams shut. For a moment all you can hear is the soft whirring of the small fan that was in the kitchen, unable to see Ellie from your position in the kitchen.

Her tired voice finally breaks the silence, the sound of her unlacing her boots being all too familiar. “You mind grabbin’ me a beer from the fridge, babydoll?” she asks before she lets out a sigh of relief as she falls back onto the fluffy couch residing in the living room.

You were ecstatic with the little plan you had created, as it was already playing out perfectly. With her beer in hand, you make your way toward her as you try to mask your excitement. “Already have one ready for you, baby” you hum, the ice cold beer already popped open for her so she wouldn’t have to do anything but enjoy her drink after a long day.

Ellie takes the bottle from your hands, a pleased grin on her features as she looks up at you from where she’s sitting. “Well look at you, so smart” she praises smoothly, always finding a way to make your tummy fill with butterflies.

Her freckled cheeks are all rosy from being out in the sun and you can’t help but frown in the slightest as she sips her beer, knowing that she must be exhausted. After a long sip, Ellie glances at you and a look of worry appears as she takes notice of your distress.

“Somethin’ on your mind?” she asks gently, one hand keeping a firm hold on the glass bottle while the other reaches out to carefully pull you onto her lap. There is no roughness in her touch, only an indescribable tenderness that left you feeling warm inside.

You’re quick to give her a reassuring smile, shaking your head as you get comfortable on her lap as she leans back on the couch to relax. “Nothing really, just thinking maybe you want a massage after working so hard all day” you suggest, not wanting her to be pestered by your concerns for her well being, as you’d rather focus on actively taking care of her.

A goofy grin appears on Ellie’s lips, an airy chuckle coming quickly afterwards. “A massage?” she questions, seeming surprised at the suggestion. “You must be spoiling me tonight, hm?” she muses in a playful manner.

Although she was absolutely right.

Tonight would be about her and her only, as she spoiled you rotten every single day and she was more than overdue for some extra attention and care.

You just give a small shrug, your fingers lightly tracing shapes on the soft skin of her neck, small beads of sweat still rolling down her skin even after being inside for a bit. “Just think you deserve something special” you hum, not wanting to pressure her into anything at all.

Your gentle tone is enough to make Ellie’s shoulders relax, unknowingly leaning into your touch as you graze her skin with your fingertips. “I’d really love that, sugar” she mutters, letting out a soft sigh as she finishes up her beer.

Her agreement is enough to make your heart soar with excitement, as all you want to do is help her feel good. “Your wish is my command” you state in a playful tone, always seeming to fall into the roll of a housewife when you were with Ellie.

With a quick kiss to her cheek, you pluck the empty beer bottle from her hands and head to the kitchen to dispose of it. “How bout’ you go take a real quick shower to relax and I’ll be waiting for you as soon as you’re done” you suggest, calling out to her from the kitchen.

Ellie lets out a small huff at the suggestion, never enjoying getting cleaned up after a long day. Nonetheless, she stands to her feet, stretching her arms above her head before glancing in the direction of the kitchen. “You’re not comin’ with?” she asks in her usual southern drawl, a bit pouty since you usually did join her.

“I’ll be waiting in the room once you’re all done, promise!” you chirp happily, reassuring her enough to make her head up the creaky stairs one by one so that she can reach the upstairs bathroom.

You set the empty bottle on the counter and wait until you hear the water start up before you begin to walk up the stairs. Quickly discarding your clothes onto the floor, you change into a light blue babydoll nightgown that just so happened to be Ellie’s favorite one to see you in. Tonight was supposed to be a treat for her after all so you wanted every detail to be perfect.

You only have to wait a few more minutes after settling onto your shared plush bed, the water cutting off as Ellie finishes up. The anticipation is almost killing you, the excitement of being able to do something for her making you dizzy with delight.

Finally, she exits the steamy bathroom, a loose white t-shirt and red plaid boxers being her pajamas of choice for the night. Her short hair still has droplets of water that seep into the fabric of her shirt as she walks towards you, yet she doesn’t seem to mind at all.

Within a second of seeing you, she is already smiling brightly, treating you as if you were God’s gift to this planet. “You got all dolled up just for me, baby?” she questions, even if she already knew the answer.

You nod eagerly as she settles on the bed, guiding her so that she’s sitting up with her back facing your chest, settling comfortably between your legs. “Course’ I did” you reply with a sugary sweet tone, your hands smoothing over her shoulders and gently tracing down her biceps ever so gently.

Your touch alone is enough to have her melting, completely under your control when you have her like this. You make quick work of beginning the massage, delicate hands kneading her shoulders to help relieve some tension. A low moan escapes her lips, relief washing over her after a long day in the scorching heat.

“My poor baby, working all day just to take care of me” you coo, purposely placing your lips next to her ear so your breath fans against her sensitive neck. Your words make Ellie’s mind go fuzzy and all she can do is nod, her voice almost sounding like a whimper. “S’ so hot today, too hot” she states, groaning a bit as you slide your hands underneath her shirt so you can really soothe her aching back.

“I know, I know. But you did so well, always making me so proud” you coo, knowing just how to get inside her head and make her mind quiet down so that she can relax completely. Your words of praise go straight to her head and she is reduced to a complete mess, a soft groan being tugged from her lips as you press wet kisses down the side of her neck.

“Bet you want some relief after all that hard work, hm? Want me to help make you feel good?” you question softly, only to be met with an overly eager nod from her. “Need your help, doll. So tired, I just need you” she sighs, her head tilting back so that you can gently nibble at the soft skin of her neck to leave little marks that she would wear proudly the next few days.

Her words make you feel ecstatic, her tone proof of your ability to help soothe her. You give a little “awh” before pressing one last kiss to her neck before helping her change positions, having her lean back against the countless fluffy pillows that littered the bed so that she could get comfortable.

Intimacy seemed to come naturally to the two of you so there is no hesitation when Ellie lifts her hips for you so that you can carefully slide down her boxers, discarding them onto the floor so they are completely out of your way. You settle on your tummy between her thighs, nearly drooling at the sight of her.

Yet you remind yourself to take things slow, to please her as much as you possibly can. You glance up at her only to find that she is already looking down at you, a dazed smile crossing her features at how perfect you look when you’re between her legs.

You make an effort to keep eye contact as you pepper her inner thighs with small kisses, some quick pecks while others are slow and wet, your tongue lapping at her warm skin. The gasps she lets out are enough to fuel the fire that burns within your tummy, your eyes finally flickering downward to focus on the task at hand.

The need to bring her pleasure is overwhelming and yet you manage to take things slow for her sake, not wanting to overwhelm her at any point. “That’s it, baby, relax for me” you hum, your breath warm against her aching cunt as she spreads her legs open a bit further for you.

Your words only make her whinier and you can’t help but feel pleased with your ability to make the big and tough Ellie nothing more than a whimpering mess. You spread her open, wanting to see all of her before you got started.

“Tell me what you need, wanna hear you say it” you plead, wanting to hear it for yourself. Ellie doesn’t protest at all, her arm covering her face as she pants from the feeling of being so exposed to you. “Fuck, need you to eat me out. Wanna feel that pretty tongue of yours on my cunt” she huffs out, the filthy words sounding heavenly as they roll off her tongue.

That’s all you need before you get to work, licking a long stripe up her pussy slow enough to make her feel weak. She lets out the sweetest moan you’ve ever heard and you feel much more confident in your ability to give her the pleasure she deserves.

Small kitten licks ensue, as you know she enjoys being teased. You give her just enough to keep her pleading for more, your tongue circling around her clit yet never properly brushing against it. “C’mon, fuck, just a little more” she pleade breathlessly, her lips parting to take in as much air as she can possibly get.

Ellie isn’t one to beg too often, preferring to keep a tough facade. With this knowledge, you know she must be incredibly needy to be acting this way and you weren’t going to punish her for doing so. Obeying her pleas, you decide to give her even more than she asked for, closing your lips around her clit and sucking softly.

The pressure has her crying out, every curse in the book being muttered by her as she squirms under your touch. “Just like that, sugar. So good for me” she praises, managing to make your heart flutter even with your face buried in her cunt.

You keep it up for a bit before refocusing your attention on her slit, pressing your tongue against her perfectly so that you can fuck into her simply using her tongue. The angle seems to work perfectly, as your nose nudges her clit while you fuck her open, her saccharine taste making your mind go completely blank.

Ellie has never been a patient person and now is no different, rocking her hips in time with the thrusts of your tongue, practically fucking your face just to get what she wants. It’s not as if you mind, as you’re simply here to appease her.

You want to bring her to the edge, knowing just how to get her there. She lets out a whine when you pull your tongue away, looking down at you with furrowed brows, seeming as if she was about to scold you for having the audacity to stop.

But she never gets the chance, as you spit on her already slick cunt before circling a finger around her entrance. The spit is simply to ensure that your finger can easily push into her— not to mention she gets off on you making a mess of her.

With little effort you are able to push in your middle finger, watching the way her face contorts with pleasure as you open her up. “Look at how pretty you are, making the cutest sounds for me” you praise as she moans endlessly, the sounds broken by a gasp as you quickly add you ring finger just so she can feel a little bit of a stretch.

“You take— holy shit, you take such good care of me, sweetheart” she mutters, her chest rising and falling at a quick pace in order to keep up with her need for oxygen. You can’t help but feel proud of yourself, leaning down to messily kiss her clit as you curl your fingers just right, the way her velvet walls cling to you being evidence of your expertise.

You don’t need her to warn you, as you can tell that she’s about to cum just from the way her clit jumps in the slightest and how she tightens around your fingers. There is no need for words either, your eyes fluttering shut as you focus on her taste and scent, your senses consumed by her.

With a loud curse and a mutter of your name, she is coming undone for you. Her hips twitch helplessly against your fingers and mouth, so sensitive as she rides out her high. You can’t help but moan as she makes a complete mess, a ring of her cream at the base of your fingers as you slowly ease them out. Before you completely pull away, you can’t help but give her sweet clit one last kiss.

With no shame, you clean her juices off your fingers, a soft hum leaving your lips at the reward of your hard work. Poor Ellie can barely think, still trembling with over sensitivity as you lay beside her and give her a sweet kiss.

It’s drawn out, your tongue brushing against hers so that you can prove to her that she tastes absolutely perfect, the dirty act only making you feel even closer to her. She moans against your lips, only pulling away when you’re both in need of air.

She presses her slightly sweaty forehead against yours, a fucked out grin on her lips as you smile back at her, your lips coated with her slick and her spit.

“You’re an angel, you know that?” she asks breathlessly, her heart aching with the love she feels for you. No one gives her attention and care the way you do and it’s as if you knew exactly what she needed to relax and come down after a hard day.

“Just doing what I can to help since you won’t let me work with you” you mutter, lowering your hand to graze her soft tummy. She only hums in acknowledgment of your words, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek.

“Well thank you, sugar. You made all that stress melt away” she states in a pleased tone, her relief being your relief since you can finally relax while knowing that Ellie is content. “Anything for you, Els. Just come to me when things are too much, okay? I know you wanna take care of me but I wanna take care of you too” you whisper, giving her a reassuring smile.

She nods gently, pulling your body closer to her own right before she covers your face in kisses that tickle in the slightest. “Alright, alright, I promise I will” she finally agrees, her warm hand lowering to squeeze your ass a bit, as she had a tendency to be a bit grabby.

“Now how bout’ I make you feel good after all that hard work” she suggests, mimicking what you had said to her earlier. The suggestion has you grinning and you know that tonight will be going on longer than planned.

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