#lashing out.
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yadda yadda we all have different interpretations of art, but i also feel like "miguel is absolutely retraumatised when mayday crawls all over him and peter is a bad friend for not noticing" just kind of. ignores the intended comedic tone of the scene? as well as the fact miguel has doesn't tense up in the aftermath of baby hold + peter ribbing him. he relaxes.
#unclenches if you will lmao#body posture wise hes not relaxed but emotionally you can tell hes calmed down. he reapproaches explaining to miles whats going on w/o#lashing out.#the fact hes stoic and trying to project authority and confidence while the vibe is utterly undermined by baby on head is the joke#hes also just. honestly kind of an awkward guy when it comes to being emotionally vulnerable#he can tell u to fuck off sure but could he say he considers peter a friend and he likes mayday? beyond the gesture of enduring the ribbing#and holding the baby gently? nah. that bitch is emotionally constipated#theres daughter trauma hanging overhead in that scene sure. but i dont think any part of miguel actually misplaces that onto peter and bebe#tunes talks spiderverse
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also worth noting that "abusive" doesn't actually mean "irredeemable" either.
there's a lot of people that have done things in the past that were bad, because they weren't taught any better, or they were in an overall toxic situation where EVERYONE was shitty (like a cult), or they were just at an especially low point and hurt others for it.
you don't have to forgive them. you don't have to ever speak to them again. you can be angry with them until you die if you want.
but society cannot function if we don't allow them to move on. to change their behavior and fuck off somewhere else and build meaningful relationships without bothering you again. we need a path for people to change, or nothing ever will.
#like re: the last post#npd SHOULDNT mean 'youre an abusive person'#but also people who have abused people in the past can still become better people in the present#you know?#and as i metioned vaguely in that post. the way we currently treat people with NPD probably CAUSES THEM to lash out at and abuse others#if u abuse someone they lash back out at you and suddenly theres fun mutual abuse happening#so they need a way out of that cycle
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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im actually obsessed with 2-4 phoenix he is tired of all this bullshit. i love how he does not say a word for like 5 minutes after edgeworth enters the room
#hes on no hours of sleep running on anxiety barely processing what just happened#i think hes allowed to lash out a little#im trying to get more comfortable posting doodles here because ive been doodling a lot to cope w the stress lol#phoenix wright#miles edgworth#franziska von karma#farewell my turnabout#ace attorney#fanart#art
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For the Viceroy AU, how does Tom figure out Gabriel was the one responsible?
#dad villain au#my art#charity ball arc#tom dupain cheng#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#kagami tsurugi#felix fathom#gabriel agreste#viceroy#all he had to do was gather the rich elite of paris and set a trap honestly#once he figured out Hawkmoth was rich it was a matter of luring the fuckhead out into a vulnerable position#and Gabriel with zero power; just a human man; would of course react violently to the images of his nemesis#he's got no leash left on anyone so he had to lash out lmao
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fire cannot kill a dragon BITCH
#a song of ice and fire#game of thrones#asoiaf#got#mine.png#i have no clue what dany era this is i just wanted to see if i could get down how i think book dany looks just like. in general#results are inconclusive#also ive been doing like exclusively multimedia w either sketching or doing full colored pencil first and then taking a picture#on portrait mode ☝🏻#and finishing the rest in procreate so if things look weird thats like#why#im figuring stuff out lmao#and like! where ae the highlights on her coming from?? idk but surely not that fire#daenerys targaryen#adding tags bc my tags are my safe space and if ur reading them then. ur in this with me i locked the door i secured the chains..#just realized that lowkey with how daenerys is described as being just like#ethereally pretty as per the targ pretty gene#i sort of picture her face as like#one of those insanely pretty girls u see on tiktok and they just like naturally have a disney princess face#no makeup bc their skin is perfect and their lashes are naturally super thick and long#thats dany to me#this face ate an entire raw horse heart <3
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All... fragments. Shackled on the boat. The brothel. My maker's purchase.
#the way he didn't really react to louis cuz he was expecting him to lash out but daniel's comment genuinely caught him off guard#interview with the vampire#armand#iwtvedit#sa cw //#csa ment tw //#iwtv spoilers#edits
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Insane to me that certain comic book creators who shall not be named dismissed Jonathan Harker as a "milk sop" and a boring character. White-haired avenger with ambiguously vampiric superstrength Jonathan Harker. Most violent and unhinged member of the vampire hunters Jonathan Harker. Ran at Dracula with a kukri knife without skipping a beat and then tried to climb out of a window to pursue him Jonathan Harker. "Like a living flame" Jonathan Harker. Calls his bond with his wife "the holiest love" and determines that if she becomes a vampire, even if Dracula calls her to his side, "she shall not go into that dark night alone" Jonathan Harker. You know. That one.
#dracula#dracula daily#Jonathan Harker is almost tailor-made to be hot to a certain audience demographic#he's traumatized and angry#but not at his wife#never at his wife#he has more reasons than anyone to hate/fear vampires#but if it's his wife#he trusts her implicitly#he has more reasons than anyone else to hate Dracula in particular#but if that's where his wife is going#you bet he's going to follow her#he is so extremely devoted to her#it's the exact contrast you see in so many bad boy romances#between traumatized lashing out and gentle tender protective love
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To whomever it may concern: Karlach without make up (and with scars). Bless the modders.
#bg3#listen I can easily see Shadowheart spending an hour every morning to do her make up and Lae'zel's is arguably warpaint#but with Karlach? a soldier in survival mode who also can't sit still for five minutes?#yeah nah#also abscence of eyeshadow kinda makes her asian features even more obvious#let it be known I restricted myself to ten screenshots but actually I have a whole folder by now.#also I can't quite figure out if she still has eyeliner on or if her lashes are just that nice abdbtbtbtb#EDIT: MODS ARE NAMED IN THE REPLIES SECTION
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A bitter sweet memory ❤️
Pre-Calamity flashback panel from my Zelink comic. Work in progress.
#my art#zelink#cue Muse's “Endlessly”#breath of the wild#loz fanart#legend of zelda#pre calamity#zelda fanart#zelda#tears of the kingdom#princess zelda#botw#the ANGST#They were both under so much pressure#unrequited love#link x zelda#Link secretly loving Zelda in silence while she “hated” him hdgsjsgjds#Link accepts being Zelda's punching bag. He understands her anxiety...#If he can be a safe space for Zelda to lash out#so be it T_T#Obviouly he wished things could be different hjdhjknhsjscu#sheik fangirl is making a Zelink comic#I'm trying to finish it but i want it to be perfect and special#sheik fangirl
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somehow i ended up on horrid henry twitter after years of forgetting it existed and i remembered how messed up his home life is. true british suburban horror
#horrid henry#art#fanart#rude ralph#it’s like anti caillou#when i was a kid i thought he was the worst cause everyone in his life said so#and then i rewatch it as an adult and im like#oh#that kid has behavioural conditions and is gaslit into thinking he’s the worst#of course he’s going to lash out
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the fine people of bsd tumblr have asked for fem skk and i shall give it to them
#bsd one of the realest animes out there for having unisex outifits i didn't have to change anything (yes this probably defeats the point)#i normally hate feminized male characters bc nine times out of ten they become hypersexualized and/or lose their og outfit#bc ladies can't wear pants?? god forbid. no. give them a miniskirt or ridiculously skintight see through leggings/stockings#i was extremely normal drawing this tbh. i totally wasn't falling in love w my own sketch. god i love women <33#also if any one of you points out that chuuya looks the same but w longer lashes i will cry😭#i couldn't give him long hair he looked too different pls hear me out ik i robbed you guys but pls forgive me#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#soukoku#skk#fem soukoku#fem skk#(<- is that a tag???)#bsd#lotus draws
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Daddy, don't go.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#jiang fengmian#Scenes that are tragic but still made me laugh: JFM wrapping the boys *right back up* after finding out it was YZY who tied them up.#I know he did it because he understands the severity of what's going on in lotus pier & the need to protect his children.#But it also comes off as 'Oh your mother said so? Yeah I'm not overruling her. Listen to your mother kids. I gotta go.'#You guys ever think about how the last time Jiang Cheng saw his parents alive it was them both pushing him away one last time?#I do!!! I sure do!!! Now you can too! Welcome to my sad little club. The refreshments are all saltwater.#And the subtle difference in who the parting is intended for. YZY meant to leave WWX with JC as a protector. JFM wants them both safe.#The reveal that Zidian responds to JFM aches so badly.#The fact the weapon she literally lashes out with also reveals her heart is so poetic.#I sure hope they can reconcile their feelings. I hope it all works out.#This is the last of the math boat jokes. Back to labeling the boats properly after this.
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Although Fairies appear humanoid in nature, they actually have a more pure form unseen by the naked eye. This is because Humans lack the ability to perceive anything beyond the fourth dimension. Given enough magic, a Fairy can manifest their true form onto all planes of existence.
This is usually not recommended, as seeing a Fairy's purest form can cause madness. A Fairy should only use their pure form when necessary, such as containing uncontrollable wishes, or high quantities of magic. Especially since there's heavy drawbacks and sacrifices to manifesting one's pure form.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
Instability: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
#fairly oddparents#fop#fop a new wish#fop timmy turner#fop timmy#timmy turner#fop cosmo#cosmo#fop wanda#wanda#fop peri#peri#itty bitties fop au#(think of pure forms not as like. A conduit for additional power)#(the more pure the fairy is the stronger they are at magic !)#(thats why a fairy in human form (the least purest form) cant use magic but a fairy in its most purest form has LOTS of magic)#haha get bubbled idiot.#if ur wondering whats going thru peris mind during this#its jsut nothing but rage and rage and timmy and rage and rage#he's very. VERY determined to get to someone.#and also very much wants to lash out and explode and explode a thousand times over haha#theres a bit of abstraction with cosmo's pure form but thats bcs he's not actually fully one or the other. a bit of an inbetween yknow?#okok gobai now i gotta color the last 2 parts
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Oh to have the poetic symbiosis of a rogue who bites people when he’s stressed and a barbarian who becomes resistant to physical damage when he’s protecting his friends
#we learned something VERY IMPORTANT today and it is that riz is a BITER and gorgug LETS HIMSELF BE BITTEN#your honor I love their friendship#something something the poetry of being lashing out when ypur overwhelmed finding a friend in someone whos interest are taking hits#and fixing things#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#dimension 20#d20#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#d20 fhjy#dimension 20 fhjy#dimension 20 fantasy high#riz gukgak#gorgug thistlespring
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Had a sudden urge to draw an eye --- So I just drew an eye. Just one singular eye. (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)
#my art#fanart#haruka sakura#wind breaker nii satoru#windbreaker fanart#wind breaker#windbreaker#eye coloring practice#I could have probably just practiced on Suo but I like Sakura's eye color more#Trying out pretty lashes too#my art: wind breaker#ウィンブレFA
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