#kosher joke

[eddieheart]

Levi: “No thanks I only eat kosher..”

Nico: “last week I saw you eating a sausage bacon pizza”

Levi: “…on the high holidays.”

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[t00thpasteface]

MY ROOMMATE DOESN'T THINK I'M WEIRD!!!!!

[totally-not-peter-parker]

strogan this beef till I off in this kitchen

[unopenablebox]

also. what would authors even do if they couldn't have jewish characters alert other characters about how they don't eat pork

[cryptosexologist]

i’ll like 90% sure the opposite of craving something in particular also exists and is equally indicative of some sort of dietary state as its cousin the humble craving

[steddieas-shegoes]

Oh no now I have to fight Joseph Quinn I’m so sorry everyone Eddie really IS gonna be dead for the next season

[torahtot]

please stop posting takes

[fogonsunday]

as a disabled person with countless dietary restrictions i have found immense solace in my jewish friends’ households, particularly during passover. for once i’m not surrounded by questions of “but why can’t you eat that”? and instead i’m asked “what could be a good alternative?”

[johnnydany]

I Have More Than Four Questions Funny Passover Seder T-Shirt

Get yours now: https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/42508897-i-have-more-than-four-questions-funny-passover-sed

[dapper-lil-arts]

Latest chapter, "the river of fireflies" is now live! And it totaly doesnt have more gay sex on it. I prommy. Unless...?

THAT'S RIGHT BABEY I'M WRITING A FIC OF SHREK 1 BUT IT'S RARIJACK LETS GOOOO And it's gloriously dumb. I love it.

[giraffeonstrike]

Catfish, livers, and "fries" (latkes) acquired. I was given advanced notice because they wanted *me* to make it. Frying catfish and livers outside so it doesn't make the entire house fishy or liver-y, and my wife asks me:

"Is catfish kosher?"

No, but neither am I so it's fine?

"Is kangaroo kosher?"

Um...no?

"You know what IS kosher though? GIRAFFE MEAT."

I will not repeat the joke I made about her putting giraffe meat in her mouth, it was not kosher. Thank you and goodnight...

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

as someone who's had alot of shellfish basically it's this part of the meat texture and taste wise?

just more fishy and like the ocean, personally I prefer just the fatty parts of the meat more than like non-kosher fish.

though there is vegan recipes for making kosher shellfish.

tbh oyster mushrooms literally are the exact same texture, not the taste though. but you can probably wrap them in salmon skin or cook in fish stock or something and it'd taste way closer.

but idk :P

people who describe converts as "Jews by choice" are so funny to me. There was no choice. You didn't choose this. Ever since your soul was on mount sinai, you were as forced into this as any of us. The only difference between my Judaism and yours is that you had a period of non Judaism, Jelly btw, did you ever get to eat lobster? what was that like?

[silly-jewish-vents]

Jumblr ask game:

🐷 Do you keep kosher?

🎂 Do you celebrate your hebrew, your enlgish or both birthdays?

🎉 Favorite chag (Jewish holiday)?

🐈 Favorite pet?

🐢 Do you do Tashlich and if so arae you a first day or last day type of person

🤬 have you ever gotten hate mail before and if so do you have a really fun hate ask you'd like to share to be mocked?

👿 Do you have horns? what about a tail? (i.e. what's your favorite purim costume)

📕 Whats your favorite Jewish book to study?

🥔 What is your shameful classic Jewish food confession?

🪿 Favorite funny Jewish joke?

👁️ favorite Jewish symbol

Send an emoji for an ask with Silly Jewish Ask Game to play

[vaspider]

Okay so someone shared this link on the server for the Chronicles of Darkness game I've been running since 2020 and I looked at the link and went 'yeah right' and then I read the article and went 'hunh' and then I watched the first three episodes of 'Knuckles,' which didn't take long because each episode is about half an hour long, and actually I fucking cried my eyes out at the big fight that is referenced because like... it's ... good, actually?

The show is very silly, and a lot of the humor is very childish, which makes a lot of sense, right, because it's about a fucking video game, but, at least so far, it's an extremely sincere show.

The siblings in this show act like highly exaggerated siblings. Of course adults wouldn't act like this, but it doesn't matter, because that's not really who the show is for. The show is for kids. It's goofy. The heart of sibling rivalry is there. The heart of hurting over a parent who abandoned you is there. The heart of a parent missing a family tradition is there.

The jokes that are made are made with love for Jewishness. Whoever made the food jokes has eaten a lot of gefilte fish and matzoh ball soup. Whoever wrote the episode understands how important it is that nothing puts out the Shabbat candles. Whoever wrote the episode understands the importance of minhagim -- the traditions that are unique to your family, to your synagogue, whatever.

Clearly they're not shomer Shabbos because their traditions include watching movies after Shabbat dinner, but that's not presented as them being Bad Jews -- it's just their family tradition, and that's just how it is.

Mom's bracha for the candles has the 'Adenoy' pronunciation which is so very New York Older Ashkenazi Jewish that it made my heart ache and made me powerfully homesick for the East Coast, since so many of the older people at my old shul used that specific pronunciation.

The fact that they literally centered a pair of Shabbas candles (with what are clearly kosher candles burning!!) in the fight, and the entire fight revolves around those candles? It just hit me right in the middle of the chest.

There's a difference between a show being silly and a show being insincere, and Knuckles is silly but it's not insincere. I will fully admit that I watched the first three episodes to get to the episode entitled The Shabbat Dinner, but you know... I might just finish the series? It's got heart, and all of the actors are clearly having such a good time. It's one of those projects that I refer to as a Summer Camp Show/Movie, where everybody's getting a nice paycheck and having a very good time and not taking themselves too seriously.

Plus, Christopher Lloyd made me laugh until I choked.

[jewish-joy]

I love being visibly Jewish.

I love laughing in a crowd with other visibly Jewish people, about some sort of Kosher joke no one around us can understand.

I love coming home from Shabbat dinner at a rabbi’s house on public transport, hearing my friends rant about the halachic debate we’ve been mulling over since breaking the challah

I love chatting to my professor during office hours, fiddling with my Magen David as I bring up a philosophical point I need to write up in my essay. That to this person in my life, I’m his Jewish student and that’s just a fact.

I love walking around wearing Hebrew across my chest, or the names of Jewish organizations in bold. Anything from Hillel to human rights pursuits to a stupid little tagline.

Even when it’s not safe, even when I have to hide my Magen David or leave situations, I hold that joy on my heart. For people seeing me as I know I am- Jewish