#kosher joke

[eddieheart]

Levi: “No thanks I only eat kosher..”

Nico: “last week I saw you eating a sausage bacon pizza”

Levi: “…on the high holidays.”

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[t00thpasteface]

MY ROOMMATE DOESN'T THINK I'M WEIRD!!!!!

[totally-not-peter-parker]

strogan this beef till I off in this kitchen

[unopenablebox]

also. what would authors even do if they couldn't have jewish characters alert other characters about how they don't eat pork

[shame-kink]

i’ll like 90% sure the opposite of craving something in particular also exists and is equally indicative of some sort of dietary state as its cousin the humble craving

[steddieas-shegoes]

Oh no now I have to fight Joseph Quinn I’m so sorry everyone Eddie really IS gonna be dead for the next season

[torahtot]

please stop posting takes

[thedungeonofbaddecisions]

Me: What do kobolds smell like? Saturn: They smell like pepperoni. Me: ....... what does pepperoni smell like?

[fogonsunday]

as a disabled person with countless dietary restrictions i have found immense solace in my jewish friends’ households, particularly during passover. for once i’m not surrounded by questions of “but why can’t you eat that”? and instead i’m asked “what could be a good alternative?”

[johnnydany]

I Have More Than Four Questions Funny Passover Seder T-Shirt

Get yours now: https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/42508897-i-have-more-than-four-questions-funny-passover-sed

[dapper-lil-arts]

Latest chapter, "the river of fireflies" is now live! And it totaly doesnt have more gay sex on it. I prommy. Unless...?

THAT'S RIGHT BABEY I'M WRITING A FIC OF SHREK 1 BUT IT'S RARIJACK LETS GOOOO And it's gloriously dumb. I love it.

[giraffeonstrike]

Catfish, livers, and "fries" (latkes) acquired. I was given advanced notice because they wanted *me* to make it. Frying catfish and livers outside so it doesn't make the entire house fishy or liver-y, and my wife asks me:

"Is catfish kosher?"

No, but neither am I so it's fine?

"Is kangaroo kosher?"

Um...no?

"You know what IS kosher though? GIRAFFE MEAT."

I will not repeat the joke I made about her putting giraffe meat in her mouth, it was not kosher. Thank you and goodnight...

[silly-jewish-vents]

Jumblr ask game:

🐷 Do you keep kosher?

🎂 Do you celebrate your hebrew, your enlgish or both birthdays?

🎉 Favorite chag (Jewish holiday)?

🐈 Favorite pet?

🐢 Do you do Tashlich and if so arae you a first day or last day type of person

🤬 have you ever gotten hate mail before and if so do you have a really fun hate ask you'd like to share to be mocked?

👿 Do you have horns? what about a tail? (i.e. what's your favorite purim costume)

📕 Whats your favorite Jewish book to study?

🥔 What is your shameful classic Jewish food confession?

🪿 Favorite funny Jewish joke?

👁️ favorite Jewish symbol

Send an emoji for an ask with Silly Jewish Ask Game to play

[gay-jewish-bucky]

Every Friday night, Bucky will make challah before service, just like his ma used to, having fresh bread as part of a warm pre-cooked meal to come home to and enjoy with his Stevie in the light of the shabbat candles; the carefully braided bread hiding under the embroidered cover until Bucky is ready to say motzi.

Early Sunday mornings, before Steve goes to church, Bucky will take the left-over challah and make a large pile of cinnamon French toast with maple syrup, berries, with a generous side of eggs and whatever kosher breakfast meat they happen to have. They eat up, drinking coffee or tea, sharing both the meal and loving, yet sleepy, smiles. On good days they play footsy under the table, cracking the occasional joke, and just bask in the early morning peace of their home. On bad days they lean into the certainty and stability of this little weekly tradition.

[fromgoy2joy]

I love being visibly Jewish.

I love laughing in a crowd with other visibly Jewish people, about some sort of Kosher joke no one around us can understand.

I love coming home from Shabbat dinner at a rabbi’s house on public transport, hearing my friends rant about the halachic debate we’ve been mulling over since breaking the challah

I love chatting to my professor during office hours, fiddling with my Magen David as I bring up a philosophical point I need to write up in my essay. That to this person in my life, I’m his Jewish student and that’s just a fact.

I love walking around wearing Hebrew across my chest, or the names of Jewish organizations in bold. Anything from Hillel to human rights pursuits to a stupid little tagline.

Even when it’s not safe, even when I have to hide my Magen David or leave situations, I hold that joy on my heart. For people seeing me as I know I am- Jewish