#know the symptoms
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The real Pandemic started in 2015; it's called Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS). Sadly, there is no cure.
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i'm sorry but i don't think we should call this the "autism website" when there's still posts with tons of notes mocking people who:
struggle with social skills / have anxiety around social settings
are unemployed / unable to work certain jobs
have intense or "age-inappropriate" interests
haven't had certain life experiences that are deemed universal/essential
struggle with personal hygiene
don't have any friends or dating experience
don't go outside much or at all
take things literally / don't get sarcasm/jokes
have unusual ways of speaking
generally aren't "normal"
#+ other things i'm probably forgetting rn#i know most of these apply to other disabilities too but i wanted to focus on autism bc of all the 'autism website' stuff#it's genuinely disturbing to see someone go 'lol autism website'#and then in the next breath be like 'omg look at this loser who [literal symptom of autism]'#but i guess when these people talk about autism they don't mean actual autism#but the tiktok style 'just a bit quirky but still able to assimilate into abled hegemony with ease' autism#i'm just tired of the hypocrisy#autism acceptance month is over now it's time for autism wrath month#being disabled on tumblr can be fucking awful sometimes. might take a break for a while bc i just don't have the energy to deal with it#autism#actually autistic#actuallyautistic
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people who aren’t in the house md fandom assume that the batshit craziness of these plotlines starts and ends with the old man yaoi and the malpractice. you all think you understand? [grabs you by the face] listen to me closely. these patients specifically seek out house because he’s known as the capital-G God of diagnostics. on MULTIPLE occasions someone has come in with seizures, coughing up blood, in multi-system organ failure and the team is like “it says here in the chart that you’ve had sex before?… yeah so we have concluded that ur allergic to cum :/ sorry.” and then are genuinely shocked when their treatment of “no more taking big fat loads from peanis” doesn’t reverse sepsis. this is a medical drama. about medical mysteries
#like I know we joke about medicine drug and mouse bites but that’s literally how every episode goes. 5 incorrect diagnoses#and they’re all like ‘you stepped on a rare type of amoeba 22 years ago and it’s having a delayed reaction. we have no evidence but you are#sneezing and that’s one of the symptoms. the treatment? Lobotomy.’#PEAK TELEVISION!#house md#greg house#gregory house#dr house#[h]ouse#eric foreman#allison cameron#robert chase#chris taub#remy thirteen hadley#james wilson#lawrence kutner
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also some good blood news! I’ve been needing transfers every few months, but since I stopped eating gluten, my irons levels not only stayed level, but have GONE UP! for the first time in years!
so it was definitely damaging my digestive track. I’m suspicious that it also stopped me from properly absorbing calcium - it seemed so weird that my leg shattered from such a minor fall.
#it’s also weird because i have all the symptoms of celiac#but on the test my results were borderline rather than positive#which means I’ve been calling it gluten sensitivity rather than celiac disease#but so far as I know celiac is the only one that causes that sort of malabsorption??#so maybe the test was a false negative??? I dunno
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Basically, my philosophy around disability fakers is: I would rather a thousand people fake a disability than have one disabled person suffer without care, aids, compassion, or any help.
#disability#disability advocacy#and there's a difference not many people seem to recognize between faking and realizing you don't have [x] problem...#...such as realizing you don't have [x] disorder because it is instead [y] disorder...#...or you haven't completely understood your care needs/your symptoms/what helps you...#...and some people see ANY change in your understanding of your disability as proof of maliciously faking...#...when i suppose in my personal experience people don't *maliciously* fake disability...#...i'm not saying it could never happen but that i don't think it's the *only* thing motivating people called fakers#i just think (like most everything) this is complex and nuanced because it's a *human* experience#like for me personally i /know/ i still have a lot to learn about my disabilities...#...like... i realized recently that my hands shouldn't be in AGONY when warm water is ran over them when it's SLIGHTLY cold inside or out...#...and i realized that i likely have a Noticable limb difference that needs checking out. does this sound like i'm faking...#...or that maybe i just didn't really explore my own needs and body because of a variety of factors?#i can assure you it is because i haven't really thought before about how i deserved to understand how to best help myself
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crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.
i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.
in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.
i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.
i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.
plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.
the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.
we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.
i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.
a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.
today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.
loved beyond thinking.
#spilled ink#writeblr#personal#please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it#i really try not to write so specifically about it#bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child#i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years#i might delete this. feels big.#the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum#and if u say ur autistic#inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms#please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do#and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort.#but it still feels like...#when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing.#they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly?#and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find#the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go)#and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW."#''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.''#and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic#someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.
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manmade monsters Sun/Moon au. bc i have no self control lol
i also mentally call it the 'why are there giant robot monsters in my shed' au lol
idk what else to say so uh. enjoy
#manmade monsters au#horror movie monsters au#fnaf au#bones of a rabbit#bones of a rabbit au#fnaf sun/moon x reader#fnaf sun/moon x y/n#fnaf dca#fnaf sun x reader#fnaf sun x y/n#grouchy reader i love u#also they r mentally ill thats part of why they don't trust authority#they know that no matter what their problem is the cops would write it off bc theyre 'crazy'#and that peeves them off#is this based off my experience with doctors saying every symptom ive ever had is bc of anxiety. perhaps#anyway im not dead! huzzah#srry lol
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oK so after like?? 3+ years of trying to treat my IBS i just found out i almost DEFINITELY actually have RCPD??? no wonder nothing was working it's not the food it's my FUCKING BODY that's the problem!!!
#ramble#i just found this out completely by accident from a youtuber who has all the same weirdly specific symptoms#idk how to feel?? good that there's a NAME for it but also nobody knows anything about it bc it was only made an actual diagnosis recently#and there's very little treatment and it might not even work#i feel like less of a freak though which is nice
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the last time they saw each other
(★ my Kofi)
#my art#dreamworks trolls#trolls fanart#trolls au#trolls floyd#trolls hickory#flickory#trolls#listen i've watched enough episodes of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant to know it's REALLY easy to dismiss those early symptoms#anyway.#the dream au#boom there it has a placeholder tag now
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I try to answer other people’s call lights if I’m not busy, because if my work is done and I’ve helped out with other people’s work, I can fully commit to slacking off guilt free. And usually what people want is bathroom, snacks, and/or pain meds, all of which are pretty easy to address and if there’s anything too complicated, I can always call the nurse. Anyway, I go answer this call light, and it’s for a patient I don’t know and have never spoken to before. I pop in like “hi can I help you?” as I feel so quietly smug about how Helpful I am being, and the patient goes, “do you know if I’m dying tonight? If I am, I should call my family.”
To be so clear. I was expecting like. a request for a ginger ale. I was not prepared emotionally for a very sick stranger grappling with the angst of potentially imminent death. So I go, “UMMM. I DON’T KNOW. LEMME CHECK WITH YOUR NURSE AND SEE IF SHE KNOWS.” This seemed heinously inadequate in the face of their obvious despair, so I added, “probably not in the next ten minutes if you’re able to sit up and ask, but I can’t make any promises.”
Don’t think that was the ideal follow up sentence. But it didn’t seem to make the patient any sadder than they already were. I used to really live in fear of being the nurse in someone’s anecdote about a wildly inappropriate thing said to them by their nurse. It’s not so much as I’ve gotten over that fear as I’ve accepted that my job thrusts me into a lot of situations where I have to talk about extremely intense topics to the people most intimately affected by those topics, often with no time, no prep, and no information. At this point, I just try my best to ground my inarticulate fumblings in as much genuine care as I can express, and thank God I don’t fuck up worse and more often.
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Listing out Jason and Tara parallels because they’re my babygirls and I think they should smoke a blunt together
#Though I don’t know if they would get along super easily it might take a while for them to vibe#There’s more but it can’t be succinctly summarized in a Venn diagram#heavy on the bpd symptoms for both of them too omg…#I have a diagram like this for Jason and Sasuke but I forgot to finish it. It’s Very detailed I tell you#Jason Todd#Tara Markov#dc
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this isn't THRIVING... this is FALLING APART... with STYLE
#sci speaks#the sci files#I’ve been chasing up a lot of strange symptoms I’ve been having that . haven’t been causing me pain but#you know . unanswered questions .#turns out I’ve been fighting a battle with my biology all this time and didn’t Know because I was fighting so well.#keep fighting sci .. keep fighting ..#I will WIN… Lord watch me I will win..#I have a tumor. his name is Lamar.#I’m gonna miss him when he’s gone. But he Has To Go.#the burden of being so good at coping . when something is actually Wrong nobody believes you
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limewire virus
#chai hi fi rush#hi fi rush chai#hi fi rush#my art#if anyone reads the tags i put under my art. you know this has been a thing ive been thinking for a While#i think if an ai program can take over chais body then a virus ABSOLUTELY can#love thinking about fantasy symptoms because i think the computer virus symptoms can produce effects that are equivalent to irl viruses#i think it would be funny if he got cryptojacked and his core's processing power gets used for nefarious purposes (lol) and that#raises his temps in other words fever#headaches likely... definitely fatigue#this bitch aint gonna be able to FOCUS#if i wanted to write a fic id probs flesh the symptoms out more
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Speaking of heats, Catgirl Reader gets pretty loud during hers, and she won’t stop until she gets the attention she needs. Unlike Bunny Reader who is usually more quiet and only thumps her foot when she needs help, Catgirl Reader is sliding up against her owners, meowing very loudly in human form and demanding she have sex now.
During her heat, you would most likely find her cockwarming someone’s strap while they’re busy, or whining to Ruan Mei for some heat suppressant pills until the week is over 😅
#🕯️ghostly whispers#catgirl au#ruan mei is also the only woman#who knows of pressing on catgirl reader’s behind#in order to temporarily stop the heat symptoms#she keeps this knowledge to herself lmao
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grabbing a Symptom by the throat and screaming WHO SENT YOU!?? WHICH DISORDER DO YOU BELONG TO
#this is what i do instead of going to therapy#i am Experiencing Symptoms#today it’s the avpd trying to kill me i think#but who knows what it will be tomorrow#anyway a group of men just laughed near me and i felt so scared i nearly cried#just because what if they were laughing at ME??? (they weren’t)#but what if they WERE??? (they weren’t)#mental illness#personality disorders#neurodivergencies#comorbid disorders#autism#adhd#anxiety#depression#avpd#bpd#stpd#szpd#dpd#ppd#aspd#npd#ocpd#hpd#trauma disorders#ro speaks
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