#know any fictional characters with anger issues?

[sarahreesbrennan]

I think this is a lovely addition and I am so glad you feel that way. I hoped some people would! I knew not everybody would.

Under a cut to spare your dash, friends, some thoughts about villainy…

I don’t know that we differ in substance, though perhaps in style. I’d say that I agree with you… but it’s complicated.

Long Live Evil poses many questions about the nature of villainy, who is assigned villainy and who gets the sympathy and understanding. It’s about the experience of being assigned villainy, but also understanding the assignment.

Rae is absolutely going through something so awful. She is very understandably angry about it. Indeed, most of the main characters of Long Live Evil have been THROUGH it. That’s part of why they’re seen as villains - though this perception also exists on an axis of gender, class, race, sexuality, disability. These things affect how they’re perceived and how they’re treated and how they act, and there is almost no way to disentangle cause and effect.

‘Under the present brutal and primitive conditions on this planet, every person you meet should be regarded as one of the walking wounded. we have never seen a man or woman not slightly deranged by either anxiety or grief. we have never seen a totally sane human being.’ - Robert Anton Wilson

This world hurts people. And then it can be very harsh to hurt people. We’re blamed for our wounds.

I agree Rae is a more interesting protagonist to me. That’s why I picked her. But there are very, very popular protagonists in fiction I find absolutely dull as ditchwater. (Not saying I find Alice dull. I love Alice.) I’m still interested in why audiences like them, and as I would like to have many readers too, I think about why things are popular a lot. I learn rules… sometimes simply that I may break them.

You might think Rae’s plight would engender sympathy: and for some it does. For many it doesn’t. And I knew that would be the case. I’ve seen it happen in real life many times.

—Someone in my close circle of friends publicly made fun of me for my ‘terrible anger issues’ at a time I was literally too sick to walk and barely able to breathe. I know that person thinks she’s a good person who was good to me.

—this is a very common thing to happen to chronically ill people. Most of my mentees, especially my younger mentees, have been abandoned by many friends who would all confidently state that this is the patient’s fault for being a bad person.

—one woman I know had her ex accurately recount all her behaviour to his new girlfriend without adding the reason why she ceased intimacy, got irritable and didn’t help around the house.

Sick people are legitimately hard to be around sometimes, and they get blamed for being so because it’s easier to blame a person than a disease. Other people don’t want to be the villain, so they make you the villain.

And the making of a villain is an interesting thing to me.

Rae being sick and Rae being perceived as evil and embracing that perception are inextricable. As a society, we are not truly sympathetic to victims. I knew it would be this way, but I still found myself shocked by the way some readers responded to her - she’s so evil that bitch got Key killed, she’s not even evil enough so she’s something pathetic that can be dismissed, she’s cringe because she uses humour as a coping mechanism, everything is her fault, it’s disgusting how much this formerly emaciated by illness woman talks about her boobs. But then, did Katniss in the Hunger Games get as much sympathy for literally starving as Peeta did for having his feelings hurt? (Note: Peeta also had many legitimate problems and I really like both characters.) And then again, isn’t feeling any kind of way about a character a compliment?

This is one of the reasons Rae is a woman. Society is set up to dismiss women’s pain, and discourage empathy with them. (And yet at the same time, we can’t demand anybody likes any specific character, regardless of gender. We can only observe patterns.)

And listen, I am not equating being a gorgeous talented famous artist with being chronically ill, but there is a phenomenon my friend who’s a psychologist has observed, which is that audiences get tired of famous women after a certain number of years (seven at most) and begin to criticise their looks or say they’re annoying or problematic.

Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Lawrence, both relatively inoffensive women, just had to basically go away for a while, until audiences were ready to go ‘wait, is Anne Hathaway talented and beautiful?’ (Yes she has been the whole time.)

The only woman who I’ve seen not have to slink into oblivion for several years when the tide of public opinion turned is, actually, Taylor Swift - there’s a piece online called ‘Darling, Villain, Victor’ which covers this very well. I like Taylor’s songs because a lot of them are narratives. And it was interesting to me to see the way she engaged with the narrative - going ‘okay yes I eat men for breakfast but also they flee from me, I’m drowning in diamonds, I’m covered in snakes, I’m wearing the evil makeup but also the eyeliner is running down my face because I am HYSTERICAL’ - and people looked stupid for saying the thing she’d already said about herself, outsized. Someone who also does this is Dolly Parton. ‘Yes I am everything you say about me. Now what?’

I did find that inspiring. I did want to claim, for my vipers and myself, the beauty and freedom of that ‘Now what?’ Anger is how we survive. We will be blamed for anger and for survival. Okay. Now what?

Another inspiration is the Interview with the Vampire quote ‘evil is a point of view.’ Not one of the Time of Iron characters think of themselves as people who enjoy cruelty for cruelty’s sake. Sure, some glory in justified vengeance, but that’s okay, right…?

To be able to see yourself as the villain in someone else’s story is, in some ways, an act of radical empathy. It’s an early thing Key says that makes him fun to me - that he’s like oh yes, I am evil. He’s very clear-eyed about the fact that, say, many of the people at the glass blowers’ guild (relatively innocent pleasant individuals) were from their point of view flat out murdered by a homicidal maniac for no reason whatsoever. Still when he tells his story, Rae is sympathetic - and it is also the tale of an abused child and a pitilessly corrupt society.

Key isn’t human. And he’s not a sociopath. Key is a god. And actually, it’s considered morally acceptable for gods to raze cities or worlds for sinning, and even to kill their children. But if a god thought he was human and evil, then what? (Was Athena traumatised by her birth?)

Yet another inspiration for me is Congreve. ‘I love her with her faults. Nay, I love her for her faults.’ I did want the vipers to not just be misunderstood darlings but to commit crimes and have serious personality problems.

Does Rae deserve more sympathy than she gets? Sure. At the same time, I really wanted her to have hubris. I refer to Greek plays a lot - where the deus ex machina was invented, art designed for the audience to be rocked and purged by emotion - and it’s this classic failing, to be arrogant and think you can avoid destiny and get this outsize punishment for it. (And people haaate women to be arrogant, and I knew they would find that annoying about her.) Rae doesn’t want Key or Emer to be hurt, but they are both people of a lower class in her employ, whose lives she knows are only saved in the original narrative by another aristocratic woman - and she deliberately sets out to use them and that does put them in harm’s way. Emer is whipped. Key is whipped twice and killed. Rae is not corporally punished in the same way servants are. But then again, when death looms, what choice does she have? Is she the one ultimately responsible for hurting them? No. But does that mean she bears no responsibility at all, when she made a bargain with them? Do we get to hurt others just because we’re hurt? When is lashing out because of trauma okay, never or always? Well…

It’s tricky to discuss personality flaws, because some characters get more sympathy while others’ faults get magnified. I’ve seen Rae discussed as more privileged than Marius - Lord Marius Valerius, second-most powerful man in the kingdom, in possession of literal superpowers, and uh - very arrogant at times himself. (And I love Marius and he has many very legitimate problems!) They are both flawed people. Very few feel villainous to themselves. Very little of what the people we love do to others feels villainous to us. I will miss Octavian so much as an antagonist, because he was such a great one - never for a moment did he consider he was being anything but heroic, and I do think at bottom he was a very ordinary guy, with an absolutely normal capacity for empathy. Yet all that power and privilege and the empty assurance of others and fame ate him right up. He didn’t ever have to look through anyone else’s eyes, and see himself the villain.

But also, can you look at the abyss, and not be changed? Rae at the start of the story would not be capable of tossing a man off the battlements of a tower into a yawning ravine full of flame with a wild, mocking laugh. But she IS that person by the end - and some of us are with her! It’s a villain origin story, emphasis on origin.

So yes it’s wish fulfilment, and yes it’s about villainy, and about having different perceptions of villainy, and which sins and flaws are forgivable in which people... We all have different perceptions. I am posing the questions, but you may have a different answer than I - if either of us find any answers at all.

Still the questions are worth asking. I do believe that.

Truly, thank you for having sympathy with my viper queen.

I remember reading in one of your blog entries (years ago??) that in the new book you were writing, the main character's *sister* had cancer. Does that mean that Alice was originally the main character of Long Live Evil? Was she going to go into the book to save Rae, instead of Rae going in to save herself?

How extremely kind of you to remember!

No, that was actually a YA murder mystery that I wrote while ill, revised while recovering, and sent out into the world where it died on submission. (Which means we sent it out to about 12 editors and the editor either said no, or said yes and took it to acquisitions - a group of people at the publisher including sales and marketing - and acquisitions said no.)

One editor told me she really wanted and really tried to buy it. Another person who worked in publishing (and has since changed jobs, or I wouldn’t share this) said the response at her acquisitions was - if you like this writer, find the next her (implications about health and youth were made).

I was terrified my agent was going to ditch me too, but she said ‘We’ll sell that one day, for now let’s write the next thing.’

I remember another writer telling me she missed my work that wasn’t a tie-in, and I felt ashamed to tell her it wasn’t that I wasn’t writing other things - it was that I couldn’t publish them.

The tie-ins meanwhile were paying the bills (they still are tbh!) and I was and remain so grateful for them. But I also really loved writing them - especially my Sabrina tie-ins, you don’t forget the first, and it reminded me I want to write horror and poly one day - and how they got me to love and sympathise with so many fandoms.

I see the burnout of caregivers all around me, and I wanted to write the story of one. But maybe I also wanted to take a step back from cancer. I didn’t think I did, at the time. I had a whole lot of things I tried writing before Long Live Evil, and I think some of them were really good. One of my critique partners gave me a lipstick with the same name as someone in the murder mystery. There was a romance novel another critique partner said was her favourite thing I’d ever written. But none had someone with cancer at the heart of the story.

And even though Rae isn’t much like me, maybe I had to start there. You can’t make real magic using someone else’s liver. Maybe I had to wait to be brave enough to use my own liver.

I do get requests for advice on how to cope with rejection of your writing, and I always worried I didn’t have anything else to say, but I suppose my example says - if you can, (and I know it’s hard, you feel so terrible at writing and so useless) (and you love the work you’ve done so much and you don’t see a way forward to loving the next thing) (but still, if you possibly can) write the next thing.

Even if the first thing sells, you’ll want the next thing one day. Writing the next thing is more writing practise, so it’ll make you better. Write the next thing.

Ultimately I’m really glad Long Live Evil was my comeback book. I think it needed to be. It took the time it took.

But maybe it was a shade of that past book (where the heroine’s sister with cancer was six, so not much like any of the Time of Iron characters) that made me think of the YA version of this book, which I always had in my mind as something I was intentionally hewing away from - a more straightforward book, a book that might have sold better - in which shy reader Alice was the hero. She’s the one with the suggestive hero name - Alice through the looking glass - the heroine looks, and the more projectable-upon personality. She’d get called annoying less often (though still some, because she’s a girl), partly because she is (with love, Rae knows I’m right) a genuinely less annoying person. Much kinder, much sweeter, and much better at in-depth reading! Her sister being in trouble would’ve been a backstory, a catalyst point, and - you’re totally right - a great motivation for her to get the Flower. Saving a family member is a much more sympathetic and heroic motivation than saving yourself and one I do love (the Hunger Games, Labyrinth, Mahy’s the Changeover, and I write it a lot!). I think Snarky While Tragically Dying Rae would’ve been a pretty popular side character, too. I think it would’ve been a good book! Just not mine.

I love your question because I love thinking about POV, and all the decisions that are the building blocks of a story. To me, the Alice centric Time of Iron is a version that exists. As are several versions of the Lia centric Time of Iron. And versions centring other characters exist to me, too. (Eric, absolutely.)

Speaking of POV musing, I think Rahela the wicked stepsister featured more in the musical than the book. If the Time of Iron series ever became a TV show (and at this point in time I think I’d rather a movie because it wouldn’t… get cancelled…) and I got to write it (don’t know why I would…) I would start with the beginnings for three characters about to go on a journey to somewhere strange to them: Key in the Cauldron, Rae in the hospital, and Vasilisa in the icelands. There are so many possibilities! And I really wanted the sense that there were so many possibilities, too.

But I wanted the chronically ill one to be the centre of the story, and for it to be her villain origin story, and to ask a lot of questions (hence a lot of villains!) about who gets villainised and why. And I thought hers, to my mind, would be the most fun of all the possible stories.

So that’s the one I made. But Long Live Evil has a lot of origins. Thank you for remembering one of them! I don’t think I would’ve dared tell the story, if things hadn’t worked out for me (so far, fingers crossed).

And I also tell it to be clear my publisher was taking a RISK with me and Long Live Evil, and I really appreciate that, and I’m so happy it’s worked out for them (again so far, early days, fingers crossed, etc).

I hope some writers - whether in the process of submission, rejection or making the choices that are the building blocks of story - find this helpful, and some readers find it interesting.

Let this be one of the universes in which your story is told.

[marvosa-yroz]

Please reblog and add a fictional character that you know with anger issues that can play the drums.

I wanna know how often this trope happens.

So far, I only know two people.

[solecize]

  𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (5)

ten years of being one and the same with jungkook as the country's it couple is the perfect disguise for the reality of a tumultuous relationship hidden behind the scenes.

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: a ㅤㅤㅤ year of a death of a thousand cuts because, no matter what comes your way, saying goodbye is never an option. 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: idol!jungkook/female idol!reader and fictional versions of various idols 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄. idol au, on-and-off relationship, angst, i swear there's fluff, fake dating, and themes of first love, growing up, struggles with fame, and marriage (ish) 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. portrayal of a toxic couple (implications of emotional abuse and control), both main characters are very flawed, violence, infidelity, foul language, substance use (illegal drugs) 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. based off of "you're losing me" by taylor swift. this is a fictional portrayal of real-life people that implement some aspects of real-life events. extra warning for violent acts in a relationship (throwing objects at the wall) ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤjoin the taglist here! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤm.list | previous | next

stop, you're losin' me

i can't find a pulse

my heart won't start anymore

TOP HEADLINE TODAY: new kbs variety show announced - first mc revealed to be s.irens' novaㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   january 2017

the memories of bora bora stuck to you like maple syrup on your hands for years. it was a haunting notion to consider the trip the beginning of the end. you remember the way the golden sand stretched out across the water for what felt like forever, as it shimmered and sparkled under the relentless sun. you could hear jungkook’s laughter echoing in your ears like a melody of a song that looped in your head. the sharpest image of that week glared at you angrily - the first serious fight that you ever got into with your boyfriend.

it was a given that you and jungkook butted heads like any other long-term couple, but you found yourself stomping away to nayoung’s hotel room at the end of the third night with a bundle of clothes in your hands and tear-stained cheeks.

when she swung the door open, her heavy lids indicated that she was about to burst into a complaint about you waking her up. instead, nayoung’s eyes jolted open when they read the expression on your face. 

“what happened?” she asked.

you fought a wail, making sure to shove any sort of crying down your throat because god knows you would never stop if you started. nayoung frowned and opened the door wider, gesturing for you to come in. 

her room was always messy at the dorms and you weren’t shocked to find her hotel room in a similar state of disarray. however, it beat the way you trashed the room you’d been sharing with jungkook.  clothes on the floor, random objects hurled at the wall, and even a lamp abandoned on the floor. the anger you felt was unlike anything you’d ever felt before. you admitted this to nayoung, who looked at you like you had two heads.

“yeah, we fought and i may have knocked some things over. . . “

your temperament was definitely an issue to be discussed, but in your eyes, there were more pressing problems to address. when nayoung made room for you to sit on the left side of the bed, you immediately tucked yourself under the covers and let a few tears stream down your face. 

she frowned. “what were you guys fighting about?”

“jungkook thinks that i’m always too focused on work,” you explained, swiping at your face. “he said i don’t make enough time for him.”

at this point, you were four years into debut and permanently stuck in the fast lane. a few major events occurred in your career recently that changed the trajectory of your group’s popularity - the first being the departure of miseul. it was an unfortunate situation, as she requested the termination of her contract to go back to her hometown, where her grandmother was ill. the company then replaced her with a new girl, cara, who you did not get along with. there was no choice in the matter, though, and your group’s first comeback with the new lineup happened earlier that year.

another signficant dynamic change was nayoung’s quick rise to stardom as an actress. she’d starred in a drama that was one of the most popular of all time on mbc and as a result, grew in popularity that arguably surpassed your group. she had endorsements and jobs coming left and right, which was prioritized by your company over the group’s endeavours. 

it was a bitter feeling, being overshadowed by both your own group mate and boyfriend, but you instead focused on working harder and taking on every project you could. even with bts’ growing status and schedules, you found yourself making less and less time for jungkook and his argument was that he always did more for the relationship than you did.

“focused on work? we’re literally on vacation.” nayoung sighed, coming into bed with you. “i’m glad you’re here, though, y/n. i feel like i haven’t seen you since we landed.”

agreeing to the bora bora trip was a reluctant decision, as it was originally just supposed to be a composition of your and jungkook’s friends. you only wanted to bring nayoung and sooah, until the latter convinced you to ask cara to tag along, since they didn’t want to leave her out. the trip was intended to be the time for you to bond with jungkook, but you were now put into a position to also bond with your group members, especially since things hadn’t really been the same with the girls since miseul left. 

“nayoung, we’re still friends right?” you asked meekly, feeling pathetic even as you said it.

her shoulders dropped and she pulled you into an embrace. “of course we are! why would you say that?”

“ever since we stopped living with each other and since miseul left. . .” you trailed off, tearing away. “i feel like the group sees each other as just coworkers or something.”

you were now twenty years old and experiencing life independently. the same was said for your group mates, as you were all now off doing your own things and only reuniting once or twice a year for a comeback. at some point, you considered these girls sisters. now, those feelings felt miles away. even the bora bora trip felt forced. 

“y/n,” nayoung’s tone grew serious. “i’m always going to be here for you.”

this would be the last time that s.irens would spend time together outside of work. sooah and nayoung’s relationship soured over the years to the point where they no longer spoke by 2020 - a result of merely growing up and growing out of childhood friendships. you also began building resentment against nayoung, who would become the country’s it girl in no time and stopped publicly acknowledging that she was in a girl group. you eventually no longer considered her a friend, deciding you did not want her arrogance in your life. miseul only texted you once a year to say happy birthday. this was the breakdown of the only support system you had. 

when morning came after staying up until dawn with nayoung, you found yourself sneaking back into your and jungkook’s shared hotel room. you were surprised to see that he was not in bed, but felt a salty breeze stream in from the balcony.

  you stepped forward and saw jungkook sitting down, eyes fixed on the aquamarine of the beach ahead. when you opened the door wider to let yourself out, he already knew it was you.

  “i’m sorry, bug,” he immediately said, too ashamed to look at you.

  you were convinced that it was your hothead that drove the majority of the argument and his apology made your heart sink. you were the one who threw things at the wall and spiralled without looking back. he shot back with his own words, but you knew that you were the one who started it.

  without warning, you sat right beside jungkook and wrapped your arms around his back. you put your chin on his shoulder and he physically relaxed, as if he’d been carrying sandbags for days. you whispered an apology against his neck and held back tears.

  “you’re right. i’ve been a horrible girlfriend.” you hated how bitter the words tasted. “i’m going to do my best to fix my work-life balance. you try so hard for me.”

  TOP HEADLINE TODAY: the 2017 edition of the idol star ahtletic competition now filming in goyang!ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤjanuary 2017

  you never felt at fault for your hot temper when jungkook’s jealous eye followed you like a lost puppy. it was just as much as a problem as your own shortcomings and it always felt like a battle of who’s more in the wrong between you two.

  everyone looked forward to each year’s edition of the idol star athletic championsips, a kind break amidst the hustle and bustle of a regular schedule. some of the more active idols took the games quite seriously, but for you and the rest of s.irens, it was several days of filming that were ultimately far more chill than any of your regular promotional activities. coming off the bora bora trip, a little relay race was next to nothing in terms of effort. 

  your group’s event was the last of the day, which left you and nayoung wandering around the goyang gymnasium for the meantime. you were texting jungkook to see if he was also free, when nayoung was called over by some individuals. 

  it was in a tent area away from the view of the spectators and cameras, which you were grateful for at an event where fans watched idols like hawks.

  “nayoung! and nova!”

  exo’s leader was known in the community to be charming and well-spoken, which didn’t surprise you when you found yourself struck immediately. you’d seen him around and of course watched him on television and online, but you could now see up close just how different the aura of a top boy group was. beside him was his fellow group members and participants for the archery event later that day, who were sehun and chanyeol.

  “y/n, this is junmyeon and sehun and chanyeol,” nayoung introduced, beaming. it seemed like her rise in popularity meant that she had begun rubbing elbows with a-list idols like exo.

  you mirrored her smile. “nice to meet you all. y/n is fine, just call me that,” you insisted, as the three of you exchanged bows.

  unlike your fellow group members, you didn’t find yourself to be much of a social butterfly. you hung out with them and your boyfriend - occasionally your boyfriend’s friends. yet, somehow, others knew you. sehun asked if you were doing archery again this year, which you weren’t. junmyeon complimented your group’s last release. chanyeol mentioned running into miseul at the airport the other day. 

  as the pleasantries were made, the floor rumbled with the roar of fans across the stands. in the middle of the arena, the rhythmic gymnastics event was set to begin and all eyes were trained on the competition. that is, all eyes except junmyeon’s, whose own eyes remained fixated on you. it was a foreign sensation to feel your heart leap. 

  “excited for the day ahead?” strained chanyeol, struggling to be heard over the mcs talking. 

  nayoung replied, “yeah! i think our group has a good shot at the relay event!”

  that was false, since you knew sooah was prone to tripping and falling, but you kept that to yourself with a muffled snicker. 

  “it’s definitely going to be a long day. . .” sehun said, yawning. 

  nayoung blew some hair out of her face. “at least it’s only one day of filmng this year.”

  you enjoyed participating in isac each year, as it was mostly fun and games, but it was stressful knowing that cameras were constantly on you. each day of filming felt like the equivalent of a week when you anticipated random fancams of you on the internet the next day, probably doing mundane things like saying hi to a member of exid.

  junmyeon spoke, “it’s going to be a long day, but there’s a thing happening at kc lounge tonight after filming and a bunch of our team is going to be there. chanyeol reserved a whole section for us - you should come.” it took you a second to realize he was now boldly holding out his phone. 

  although the words were meant to address both you and nayoung, he was directly facing you and only looked at you when he asked. you were caught off guard, having trouble finding the words to respond. junmyeon’s eyes were soft and his smile was inviting - you weren’t an idiot. you knew when an invitation was beyond friendly. even nayoung was side-eying you, following the inquiry.

  “uhm - “

  “i’d love to see you there.” it was hard to miss the once over he gave you, as his boys let out a low whistle at his suaveness. you couldn't help but notice the pink tint spreading across your cheeks. 

  the attention felt nice. you’d never been approached so boldly by a senior idol before. and he was hot. you didn’t know what to say, except that you were lingering in this conversation for way too long than acceptable.

  thankfully, the vibration of your own phone interrupted whatever sentence you were to form next. with a glance at the screen, the picture of you and jungkook stared back at you and you were left dumbfounded. why was he calling you in the middle of a live event? 

  you said, “sorry, i think i’m being called.”

  nayoung nudged you, prompting you to turn around and see that jungkook was staring directly at you from a few tents away. his expression was stone-cold and eyes burned in your direction. realizing what it looked like to him with junmyeon basically asking for your number, you groaned. 

  “you think it’s safe for me to walk over there?” you muttered into nayoung’s ear, ignoring the curious stares of the three exo members in front of you. junmyeon had now slowly retracted his phone away, now also noticing jungkook looking your way. 

  nayoung looked around. “maybe if you walk behind the tents, up against the wall,” she suggested, not missing jungkook either. 

  it wasn’t too bad of timing either, since the competition was mid-event and most individuals were preoccupied with that. you wouldn’t have approached him in public otherwise. 

  junmyeon seemed to understand what was going on and he only offered a small smile. “well, let me know. we’re stuck here all day, anyway,” he chuckled.

  you thanked him and excused yourself, following nayoung’s direction to discreetly make your way over to jungkook’s tent. 

  other than him, a few members of bts lingered around the tent, presumably warming up for their event later on in the day. well, that’s what you thought they were doing before, as they were now looking towards you and jungkook, probably witnessing the same interaction as your boyfriend. jungkook’s arms were folded across his chest when you approached and you were already not in the mood.

  “meet me in that hall,” you said as quickly and loudly as you could, not wanting an audience. 

  you turned around without waiting for an answer and jungkook waited several beats before trailing behind, just in case. the two of you found yourselves in the tunnel leading into the main stadium area, which was thankfully empty. 

  you were surprised that jungkook’s fuse was triggered, as you two just shared a nice dinner date the night before with no issues. however, the more you thought about it, his jealousy issues were rising recently - from one wrong stare at a party by a monsta x member the other night to being asked out by a music producer that worked with s.irens.  each interaction was met with rage.

  “are you alright?” you questioned, once you were out of earshot and eyesight from anyone.

  “were they being weird to you?” jungkook instantly replied, jaw clenched.

  you furrowed your eyebrows. “what? no,” you said. “they were just being friendly - “

  “you should stay away from exo, i wouldn’t trust a lot of those guys.”

  “isn’t taehyung friends with some of them?” you dryly shot back, but he ignored your sentiment and continued ranting about how male idols weren’t to be trusted.

  obviously, you and him both knew what he was actually annoyed about. you stood your ground, as you knew you didn’t do anything wrong. it was a harmless interaction and you didn’t expect the entire idol community to know that you and jungkook were dating - well, actually, you kind of did and it was a little bit weird to get the invite in such a flirtatious way, but you were not going to take part. it was shut down immediately, but here you were. 

  after another minute of jungkook going on about the interaction, you interrupted him by abruptly placing a kiss on his cheek. he froze.

  “stop it. i’m fine. he was just being nice,” you sighed, looking around to make sure nobody was hiding in the shadows. “now, can we go back to our jobs, jungkook?”

  though your boyfriend was normally quite relentless about these things, your words did snap him back to the reality in which you were putting your very careers at risk to even have this hushed conversations in the shadows. isac was all fun and games, but you were on the clock with cameras in every corner possible. your slight touch of affection seemed to also help, as jungkook visibly eased when you kissed him on the cheek.

  he adjusted his sweatshirt and sighed. “alright. i’m sorry.”

  and that was the end of that conversation, but another faded memory lost in the chaos of 2017.

  TOP HEADLINE TODAY: the 2017 bts live trilogy episode III (final chapter): the wings tour to commence next weekㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤfebruary 2017

  the bland eggshell walls of the bighit entertainment headquarters didn’t faze you. at the very beginning, it was unsettling just how hollow the corridors and nooks appeared to be, as if the surroundings belonged in a prison. you’d been in and out of the hallways over the past years, albeit often for very few reasons that were pleasant. though it was a huge maze, you memorized the path on floor seventeen.

  upon hearing the loud ding and the metal doors sliding open with ease, you stepped onto the said floor with nothing less than pure anger bubbling in your veins. you clearly made your way up here — through traffic and past the security at the front desk who always mistook you for a crazed fan — with a purpose. you weren’t going to rest until you gave jeon jungkook a piece of your mind. releasing a long sigh, the employees who took a glance up and saw the infuriated expression on your face didn’t even bother stopping you. this had become routine.

  the distinct voices of his group members, combined with one of the group’s tracks amplified through speakers and footsteps squeaking on the hardwood floors in immaculate unison, were enough to tell you that he was here.

  “jeon jungkook.”

  the chorus to ‘spring day’ came to a sudden halt. hoseok was the first person to take notice of you and stopped dancing when you appeared at the doorway. the others noticed fast and when jungkook finally looked up, someone had already stopped the music.

  the look shared by his group mates seemed to read that they knew exactly what he was in trouble for. the prompt end of the music seemed to indicate so. a scared expression flashed on jungkook’s face upon reading your own stone-cold one.

  last time this happened was when you found a pack of cigarettes in one of your boyfriend’s jackets, after he swore up and down to you that he was quitting nicotine. another time was because of him forgetting that you had a date that night. today, the rage running through your veins was due to something new.

  jungkook visibly winced every time you said his full name aloud and here, he nearly shuddered at the sound. his head hung low, like a puppy. he knew what he did wrong this time.

  “i’ll be right back,” you heard him mutter to namjoon who could only nod empathetically, arms folded across his chest as he observed the scene.

  for jungkook’s sake, the group broke out into forced conversation to distract from the two of you. seokjin pretended to ask hoseok for help with the choreography and taehyung wanted to suddenly show the rest of the group a video on his phone. meanwhile, the youngest of the group wordlessly followed you out into the hallway.

  “where were you last night?”

  the question was immediate, not even waiting for jungkook to shut the door behind him. he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 

  jungkook asked, “did you really have to come all the way here to have this conversation with me?” exasperation laced his words like a bow, but you were unfazed.

  “well, clearly i don’t know when and where you’re busy,” you shot back, “so i had no choice but to come here.”

  he opened his mouth to speak again, but you cut him off by raising your phone to eye-level. on the screen was the private instagram of cha eunwoo, who posted several slides of content of cheonsa lounge in gangnam. the very first picture was him and jungkook, clutching a shot glass of dark liquor in one hand and a vape in another. upon scanning the screen, where you proceeded to move through the instagram post - one picture of jungkook posing with eunwoo and the bottle girls from the club and the next being jungkook holding a bottle of champagne - silence filled the air.

  jungkook’s shoulders drop in defeat. “i’m sorry, it was a last minute thing - “

  “how last minute?! i called you at ten last night, asking if we could have a movie night in,” you cut him off, “and you said you were feeling sick! you don’t look so sick in these photos, huh?”

  “i was feeling sick, i swear!” he exclaimed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “the boys called me an hour after that and guilt-tripped me into coming - “

  “oh, please.”

  jungkook huffed. “i’m telling the truth!””

  if you were being honest with yourself, it wasn’t a far-fetched idea that jungkook’s boys did, in fact, drag him out to the club the night before. regardless of that, you were more upset with the fact that he declined you, but said yes to his friends. 

  “is a night in with me too boring for you now?” you questioned, jaw clenched. “if you were going out, you could have at least asked me to come!”

  “you don’t have to come out every time with me, y/n, i need time with my friends,” he replied and sighed once more. 

  this made you even more mad. “when did i say you can’t have time with your friends?!” you didn’t like the fact that jungkook was making you out to be such a control freak.

  jungkook groaned. “i didn’t say that!”

  nothing had been the same since the bora bora trip earlier that year. sure, you and jungkook fought like any other couple, but it was never this bad and this frequent. it was as if the fight in the hotel was the first domino to a cascade of falls. coupled with your increasingly exhausting schedules and other factors affecting your relationship, such as your career-driven mindset that was prioritized over everything and bts’ rise to international fame, it was only natural that you and jungkook would only drift farther apart.

  yet, neither of you were ready to walk away. as you and jungkook continued your back and forth for several more minutes to come in the darkened hallway of bighit entertainment, you could hear the opening notes to spring day once more - his fellow members presumably giving up on waiting for him to return before resuming practice.

  i miss you, was the opening line to spring day and it physically hurt your heart to listen to, as jungkook stood just a few feet away from you and still seemed so far away. the two of you gave each other the silent treatment for the next week after.

  TOP HEADLINE TODAY: s.irens fans grow restless as the group's comeback is pushed once again, allegedly to accomodate main dancer go nayoung's filming schedule for mbc's 'far away' dramaㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   september 2017

  for once, you and jungkook were not getting hazy heads amidst the lights of a nightclub or a packed party, but a charity ball. held at the spacious estate of a member of the family behind hyundai, it was a sight to behold and made jungkook forget that he was in the middle of seoul. he found himself in the back gardens, underneath a marble gazebo that overlooked the lush flowers and twinkling lights of the area. they shone like stars, string lights that hung all around the gardens, and jungkook wished he could share this sight with you.

  things were fuzzy with you, but jungkook held out hope that you would be able to pick up the pieces and fix things soon. after a string of fights the past few months, you had finally reached your wits’ end. it was an imploding, inevitable time bomb that was going to set off sooner rather than later. you and jungkook were beginning to butt heads more than not and one random thursday night, it was d-day.

  there weren’t too many places in the city that would be safe for even just a normal stroll with your boyfriend, which was an unfortunate truth that jungkook had to swallow for years on end. more than anything in the world, he wanted to flaunt you to the whole world to show everyone just how lucky he was. he was so in love with you and that was never going to change.

  from the moment he met you, he was smitten with your beauty and the nail in the coffin was your addicting personality that he was so naturally in sync with. to have someone so incredibly bewitching as his best friend, all jungkook ever wanted to do was scream to the world that you were his girlfriend. 

  instead, your date nights since the turn of your early twenties consisted of outings like secluded nature walks, friends’ homes, long drives, and if you were careful, the corner store at night. maybe that was why jungkook loved enjoying the seoul nightlife with you - it was a safe space where you could be with each other and with each other, the most important thing other than pounding music and letting alcohol wash away your worries.

  your last date was no different, as jungkook suggested to take a walk along the han river. you had no qualms about the suggestion - though, evaluating the place as a date wasn’t the catalyst to your agreement. you knew that there was a conversation to be had and you could have done in anywhere at that point. it’d been over two weeks since you last saw each other, as missed opportunities sipped from your fingers to sit jungkook down and have a talk about your relationship with him.

  jungkook saw you from a mile away - it was hard not to when you were literally wearing one of his hoodies. even though it’d felt like forever since the dna promotions began taking over his life and you were off filming a drama, he could always spot you in a crowded room in just seconds. you were waiting by the water, looking off into the seoul night skyline. a black baseball cap hid most of your face and you were smoking a cigarette - a habit that you eventually picked up from jungkook, despite initially chewing him out for the unhealthy habit. you eventually decided that you were also too overworked to not have a vice.

  on the other hand, jungkook had been cold turkey for a whole month. he’d grown disappointed of himself for giving in so often on ruining his health, especially as a singer. a frown tugged at his lips when he approached you, just as you were finishing up.

  your eyes always brightened when you saw jungkook, but tonight, you saw something in his own that prevented it. offering a small smile, you walked closer up without a hint of a light in your eyes.

  “hi kookie,” you whispered and pulled him into a tight embrace. jungkook always loved your scent - a strong cinnamon and vanilla smell that warmed his heart, even on breezy autumn nights like this one.

  his face was in your hair, holding you just as tight, when he realized something. something odd.

  jungkook stepped half a foot apart when the hug concluded, examining your features. “there’s something wrong, isn’t there?” he asked, as the anxiety came to settle in after you chose to hug him instead of kiss kim.

  your lips pressed into a thin line and he knew. you insisted that you two hold hands during this walk, which he wanted to refuse, but eventually decided to remain quiet about it. hands clasped, you two began to stroll south of the river.

  for a bit, you and jungkook bantered about how you stole his hoodie without him even realizing it. then, an uncomfortable silenced emerged, as you both could only listen to the light stream of the han and the passing cars nearby. 

  it was jungkook that said something first.

  you let him speak freely because on any other day, it would be a battle marked by avoidance and stonewalling. jungkook had suddenly come to a stop in the middle of the path, after the silence became too grand for him. he reached his limit, too.

  “we should take a break.”

things had been getting weird for a while now between the two of you. you were always fighting and when you weren't fighting, it was when jungkook was overseas, away on the wings tour.

  that’s when your heart began racing. “a break? you want to separate?” 

  “we obviously can’t be together. this isn’t working out. we clash too much and we’re always screaming at each other and we’re risking our jobs and - fuck, i’m sorry.”

  the rant was cut short when jungkook, after pacing back and forth as he spiralled with each word, paused in his tracks at the sight of tears streaming abundantly down your cheeks. he stopped and immediately felt the ball of anxiety at the bottom of his stomach transfigure into a heavy dread accentuated by guilt, weighing heavy on the inside. his chest began hurting and apologies fell from his lips, as he took you right back into his arms.

  “i love you, i know it’s been hard, but we can’t break up,” you hiccuped in between each short breath, barely audible when your crying face was pressed up against jungkook’s chest. “do-do you really feel that way?”

  jungkook rapidly shook his head, not even taking time to think about it. “no, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it. i’m sorry!” he cooed, rocking you back and forth.

  after a moment of just crying from the two of you, you were finally able to catch your breath and rubbed jungkook’s back, hoping it would help him catch his. his breathing eventually slowed back to normal.

  “but, i think you’re right. . .” your voice suddenly emerged, barely above a whisper. “i don’t want to lose you. . .but we need space.”

  “i’d do anything to save this relationship,” jungkook replied and the statement brought you an unknown feeling, spreading across your mind. “whatever you think is best. i can’t lose my best friend - let’s take some time and come back stronger.”

  and that was the agreement. it had been just about a month since it happened and there was no progress since. your and jungkook’s schedules were busier than ever and it was only a coincidence that you both ended up at the same charity ball.

  for the first time in a long time, seeing you felt like remnants of a far away memory - shattered glass pieces of your relationship dancing in the air that, if jungkook tried hard enough, could be grasped at and remembered. your hair was now blonde and made longer with extensions, brushing just above your tailbone. you wore a periwinkle evening dress, soft satin mirroring the chandeliers on the high ceilings and fanned out into a flattering mermaid tail shape. jungkook hadn’t seen you with such makeup before, as you wore a cherry red lip and a sharp cateye. you looked different. . .good, but different.

  jungkook saw you in the foyer, mingling with some chaebols and looking bored. jungkook noticed that you came with sooah, presumably to represent s.irens or your company as a whole, but neither of you so much as looked at each other. jungkook grew worried that you were slowly isolating yourself from your friends. he was also worried that your bored eyes were instead tired eyes from such a hectic schedule.

  there wasn’t any way that jungkook was going to get your attention in that moment, so he instead carried on with his night as normal. he greeted friends, looked for opportunities to network, and helped himself to the fine wine. after an hour, he wandered outside to get some fresh air. then, he looked out at the beauty of the gardens and thought of you, as he strolled down the cobblestone path with a glass of red in one hand.

  he wasn’t sure how long he’d been pondering for under the gazebo, until he saw the time of his watch and realized that it was probably time for dinner to be served. jungkook sighed, stepping out of the gazebo to make his way back inside the manor, sneaking one more look at the calming moon and hoping to run into you at the party. 

  jungkook’s wishes were met sooner than expected, as he spotted you by a tucked away corner, smiling from ear to ear. he was taken aback to see the source of your giggling, being some guy he knew from the korean national football team. one of their best players, actually, as jungkook was quite a fan. he was one of the most popular athletes in the country, it was no surprise that he’d be brushing elbows with other a-listers at this charity ball. jungkook hand clenched into a fist, watching the two of you flirt away from everyone else.

  throughout your years together, jungkook was always a bit of a possessive type. in the way you were far from perfect, he also understood his own flaws. i mean there was quite a lot, like anyone else - he was also bad at communicating his feelings, often shutting down, and cared a lot about appearances.  

  none of that mattered in this moment, as he began walking straight toward you.

  in your defense, you genuinely believed that space meant that you were single. had you been the one to make a fuss about breaking up? yes, but. . .well, there was no but. it’d been years since you were able to prance around without the worries of a relationship and although you wanted jungkook back, it was admittedly freeing. 

  bae sejoon was the striker on the men’s national team and had been eying you since you walked into the estate. the two of you previously crossed paths at a lounge in gangnam a few months ago and now seeing that jungkook was not presently attached to your hip, he made the first move. it was hard to ignore - his coy smirk and athletic build that exuded masculinity. however, your only intentions were to simply ravel in the attention sejoon was willing to give to you.

  as soon as you arrived to the event, sooah already left to go greet some of her model friends in the main dining room. she didn’t ask you to join - you’d been drifting apart since the beginning of the year and moving out of the dorns. meanwhile, you planned to politely mingle with other guests, given that you were technically here because of work - despite wanting nothing more but to lay low and keep to yourself. 

  “well, maybe we should go together. can’t believe you’ve never been to the best cafe in all of seoul.”

  instead, you were batting your eyelashes at sejoon, who’d been going on about some french-style cafe that just opened up in the city. you didn’t think he was a particularly interesting guy, but he was cute. a cute distraction. 

  you said, “that sounds fun.”

  except, sejoon didn’t know that you stopped drinking coffee two years ago. he didn’t know that you found little coffee shops pretentious and too hipster-y for your liking. you forced a smile. 

  jungkook always got you pastries straight from one particular bakery. he remembered your matcha order word for word. he made fun of coffee shops that tried too hard to be different with you. he. . . . he was now right in front of you?

  you made it known to jungkook that you loved seeing him in all black. as the first kiss of autumn dawned upon seoul, he donned a long sleeve dress shirt and slacks. tailored and in the consistent shade of all black, the sight lit a fire in your stomach and you found yourself in a haze of how good he looked. 

  jungkook never hid how attracted he was to you, even after all these years of being together. he scanned your appearance from head to toe, licking his lips. it was as if there wasn’t a whole third person in your presence, as explicit images ran through both of your minds. it’d been so long since you saw each other and the tension in the air was like molasses. 

  “hi y/n,” jungkook greeted, not even looking sejoon’s way, until the other male cleared his throat. “am i interrupting something?” the glare jungkook sent sejoon was sharper than a blade.

  sejoon rolled his eyes, already realizing his defeat. “yes, actually,” he replied. 

  your eyes remained trained on jungkook until that moment, where you had to physically shake it off. 

  “jungkook, you know sejoon,” you began reluctantly, noticing jungkook’s hard planted feet.

  he only grunted in response, still not caring enough to say anything to sejoon and acknowledge him. 

  at this point, sejoon was over it. he looked at you and then at jungkook’s menacing figure, arms crossed and glare still fixed. it was as if you watched him calculating his odds during this conversation and decided there was no winning.

  sejoon turned to you, a crease in between his eyebrows. “nice chatting with you,” he said and solemnly walked away.

  you would have otherwise rolled your eyes at such a dramatic reaction if it weren’t for jungkook standing in front of you. everything about him was so mesmerizing, as the time away truly made the heart grow fonder. the smirk pressed against his lips showed that jungkook knew exactly what kind of effect he still had on you.

  “i’ve missed you,” were the words that fell out of your mouth, almost instantly, and you wanted to kick yourself. how pathetic.

  jungkook eyed you. “didn’t look like it just now,” he tried to be casual, but the sharpness in his voice was loud.

  “still as jealous as ever, huh?”

  your initial tactic was to play hard to get - even if you and jungkook had been together for years, it’d been so long since you could just flirt and tease him. it was a spark that’d been missing for quite some time now. a smile played mischievously on your lips.

  truthfully, this was what jungkook needed. he was initially despondent upon your agreement to give each other space, sulking for several days until work got too busy to be dwelling on emotions. the time away and seeing you look at another man sparked something in him, too. his lids grew heavy.

  he said, “so, this is what space means for you, huh?”

  jungkook sounded as angry as he was hungry. it set him off, as his gaze lowered further and further down your body. on any day he would be ticked off, but his feelings of frustrations today instead felt warm and inviting. you froze when he stepped closer towards you, close enough that you could simply speak in secrets. 

  “i don’t know what you’re talking about,” was all that could come out of your mouth in a heavy breath, too mesmerized to make any further attempts at wit.

  he was now just about nose to nose with you, but you couldn’t muster up the strength to meet his eyes.

  “you’re nervous.”

  “no, i’m not,” you said, edge in your voice.

  lying right through your teeth wasn’t the best strategy when jungkook could see past it like glass. you were happy to flirt and dish it out, but being so close to jungkook so suddenly left you at a loss for words. you forgot where you were for a second and when you realized that the two of you were in public, your heart began beating like a butterfly’s wings. despite this, he was bold. he didn’t move an inch, willing to risk it all. 

  jungkook let out a low chuckle. “you won’t look me in the eye. you’re nervous, baby.”

  “what do you want, jungkook?” you asked slowly.

  his gaze trailed back to where sejoon walked off to. “what was all that about?” he said.

  the answer was glaringly obvious to you, as jungkook innocently brushed a hair from your eyes and you resisted the urge to shudder at his touch. nothing in the world compared to this feeling.

  “honestly?” you began, as identical smirks began to form on both of your faces. “nothing. nothing at all.”

  that was all that needed to be said. jungkook, without tearing his eyes away from you, wordlessly took his phone out of his pocket and made a call. he licked his lips as he spoke and everything else in the world faded to grey. jungkook was a cascade of the colours of the rainbow, illuminating brighter and brighter like the sun until you were blinded from seeing anything else. he was a kaleidoscope that shone in front of you and you were emerging from a place with no light.

  it took you a few moments to realize that jungkook was calling his driver. however, as far as he was concerned, the night wasn’t over - it was just getting started.

  jungkook finally stepped away and you somehow felt so cold. “i’m going to leave out of the west wing doors. my car is there. leave out the east wing doors and walk around to meet me.” his directions were precise and somehow not commanding. tone soft and a gentle hand on the small of your back, it was the worst feeling of all.

  familiarity. comfort. home.

  all you could do was nod, your chest growing louder with excitement. both of your synergies were one and you both knew what idea came to mind. not much else needed to be said and there wasn’t a single part of you that could say no. his knowing smile was haunting.

  after parting ways in opposite directions - as if a conversation didn’t even occur -  you eventually ended up in the back of a limousine with jungkook.

  time moved oddly in between those two moments, as the only thing you could think of was jungkook. it was an addiction no different than chips across a roulette layout or a cup of espresso at the same time everyday. 

  thankfully, the driver’s partition was already up when jungkook opened the door for you, because he immediately captured your lips before you could even sit down. like second nature, your fingers found themselves in the crown of his hair and his hand held your neck like a trophy. you both stumbled, now sat - at least he was. you were already straddling his lap. he tasted like red wine and you could have indulged for forever. 

  “mph, that’s what i fucking thought,” he mumbled against your lips and you took his as an opportunity to slide your tongue into his mouth.

  his hands began hiking your previously eloquent gown up, enough that he could grip your thighs from underneath. your own hands found the buttons of his shirt, as the limousine began to speed off in what were probably going to be circles until jungkook told the driver to stop. 

  being in love was a vicious cycle that proved to be endless. this pattern would only continue from here on out. no matter how deep your passions for each other ran and no matter how addicting each others’ touches were, it only grew worse from here. more fights than lasted weeks to only be swept under the rug with a fuck and make up or a bottle of whiskey shared between you both. growing issues that were overlooked because that was your best friend. 

  your heart was no longer in it - it was trapped. all you could do was forget and forgive. all jungkook could do was beg and shower you with love. the night at the charity ball was one of many roots that eventually grew into deep seated resentment.

LATEST HEADLINE TODAY: hotel azure: what is this up and coming spot for idols in south korea and why is it so special?ㅤㅤ

[sixstepsaway]

so here's the thing

i've seen a bunch of people say on twitter and stuff how... ed's behavior is very abusive and his anger is dangerous and he isn't romantic lead material because of it

and i get where they're coming from

but to me the main issue isn't putting ed in the position of a romantic lead, but not crafting the narrative around his characterization so that it allows for a spicy romantic pirates-in-love narrative instead of...whatever this is.

i'm going to try and explain this. idk if i'll do well but i'll try

the way she show presents stede is as an innocent baby who isn't really equipped for pirate life. he goes into a fugue/disassociative state whenever there's any real violence, apparently, and needs protecting by other characters when things get too rough - for example when ed is telling ned lowe not to take the poker to stede.

that's fine! it's honestly adorable to see a masc character being so soft around the edges and being protected by other characters this way.

(i'm not going to touch on stede's... eh... not great characterization this season rn)

then there's izzy, who is shown as a bit violent, a bit rough around the edges. he's more likely to draw a sword or throw a punch or hit someone with a chair or take a punch like a champ. violence is just part of life for him and that's okay, it just Is, from small things like smacking stede on the ass to bigger things like being wall slammed, it's not all that big or bad for violence to happen around and with him, he tends to give as good as he gets (there's some nuance here but i'm talking the macro themes not the micro of what izzy does vs is done to him)

and finally there's ed

ed is presented as violent (stabbing knives at guys, telling fang to use the snail fork etc) and used to a life of violence, and then in season 2 he's presented as really violent, his anger coming out in dangerous and terrifying ways

and frankly, i'd be super into it if he and izzy were the main ship and that twisted dynamic from the first two episodes of s2 was explored and fleshed out into something deeper

friends to enemies to lovers who fight and fuck. angry pirates who lay hands on each other, who break the whole ship with each other in the heat of passion.

except instead, s2 gives us... abuse. it gives us izzy cringing and lowering his head and trying to protect the kids crew from ed's angry outbursts.

so when stede comes back and he's still soft around the edges and ed headbutts him and it's deliberate, it's... not a great look, and the vibes are a bit skewed

if stede fought back, if when ed struck out at him he struck back, if they fought rather than it being one-sided, if it was friends to enemies to lovers and not presented as healthy, but maybe they can work their way there, who knows, maybe even more like anne bonnie and mary read because hey, they were doing something very similar?

except they were both into it. they were both enjoying the fighting and the fucking and the burning down the house.

stede's not enjoying it.

i cannot describe how much i hate this sequence just because of the way stede flinches

anne and mary don't!! mary jumps at the unexpected bang but she doesnt flinch, she doesn't cover her face like she thinks the vase will be coming for her not the wall and anne? looks so into it

and the thing is that in real life, no, you don't want to date someone who throws shit around, or headbutts you

but in fiction when it's two fucked up people doing this shit together like anne and mary?

that can be fun.

but instead what we've been given is stede flinching and apologizing to ed and then all of ed's...what, semi-redemption???? is done away from the other collection of people he abused, and then he spends some time on a fishing boat wearing a dog collar and everything is fine because he's good now and won't be doing anything bad ever again

and it's just... poor writing. the vibes are rancid.

i spent a really big chunk of time between s1 and s2 defending ed. i kept saying how what he did to izzy by making him eat his toe wasn't abuse, it was a one-off and abuse isn't a one-off thing it's a pattern, and then s2 made it a pattern.

explicitly. explicitly a pattern.

not just one toe but three.

jim saying "you're in an unhealthy relationship with blackbeard"

and all ed offered izzy was a "sorry about your leg" which might've been fine if izzy survived and they could work on this more, but instead that's all the apology and closure izzy will ever get

ed threw a chair and a vase and made stede flinch in fear and stede was right to do that. what part of any of this implies this will never happen again? that stede won't press the wrong button at some point and be on the receiving end? none of it

and if we'd been presented with a s2 stede bonnet who could handle himself and stand up for himself and fight back, then maybe i could imagine that turning into a weird sexy fucked up anne/mary like thing and maybe that could be why they put that episode in, but instead it feels like that episode was going, "look, see, ed's violence is fine because these two are fine with it with each other"

but stede isn't

ed and izzy or ed and stede in an unhealthy battle of a relationship could be such a fun, interesting and downright sexy thing to watch unfold on tv, and could honestly end somewhere far more down the chill end of the spectrum, but that's not what we've been given here

i cannot argue that ed isn't an abuser anymore, and not just of izzy but of the whole crew. he terrified frenchie.

it's not good writing to try and lean into the idea that ed and the pirates are violent and live a life of violence, so it's okay that ed's been violent, while simultaneously presenting his violence as traumatic and abusive, and then less than three episodes later saying oh it's fine now, he's just a little meow meow who can do no wrong, see?

especially considering they had him murdering people at the end of the season. and sure, you can say the english are just cannon fodder and they dont 'count', but they did before. ed explicitly did not kill before, and that included the english, or the spanish, or anyone else. so either they count or they don't, but flipping him on a dime makes no sense.

ALSO

having ed be the son of an abusive man who threw plates at his mother and made her cringe and then having ed kill his father to protect his mother and then a season later having ed become the kind of man who throws chairs and vases and makes his love interest cringe is, again, not bloody optimal

i want to say again i dont CARE about tv always presenting healthy relationships or tv always giving us aspirational goals. i want messy fucked up dynamics and terrible people making terrible choices, and still, to this day, i fucking love ed teach. i would honestly love to have seen them continue with ed's darkness and bring stede into it and see where they went with that, to have stede kill ned lowe and not just bury his feelings in ed but get off on it, enjoy the violence, and see where that led, but no

and so instead all we end up with is a protagonist who is being set up for a lifetime of abuse from an intimate partner, and a romantic lead who abuses his love interests (and yes. izzy is a love interest, he is set up like one and positioned like one and treated like one), frightens his love interests with his violence, is erratic and most of all inconsistently written. he was so sorry about scaring fang as though he hadn't been deliberately terrifying the whole crew for fuck knows how long? what?!

the whole fandom has spent so long saying, "no no, i know stede bonnet irl was a slave owner, but ofmd is using the names and not any real piracy, it's more disney piracy, you know? so that kind of stuff doesnt exist!" and then they flipped around and went "blackbeard is blackbeard and so he is evil and does all these horrible things" and i dont know how to rationalize the two sides of that because it feels so out of place

i'm getting rambly, this isnt a particularly well constructed thought process, i just feel like we were robbed both of a toxic, violent relationship that could be fun to see explored on tv and a soft and sweet love story between two middle aged men exploring their first loves in one fell swoop and there's no way for s3 to bring either of those things back because they got utterly torpedoed by making ed a horrible person

ugh

[loppsided]

l. de lioncourt as your boyfriend

summary: headcanons for boyfriend lestat

pairing: lestat de lioncourt x reader

wc: 302

warnings: mentions of blood, mentions of death/killing

a/n: writing for the best fictional vampire yep! again, requests are open, send something for any character on my masterlist! likes and reblogs appreciated.

you were turned by lestat after louis almost killed you (like claudia) and he was immediately enamored by you

buying you elaborate and expensive gifts to please you

teaching you how to play the piano and any other instrument you were interested in

him opening up to you about how he was turned, talking about how it was, being by himself

you and him growing closer that night as you consoled him

you him and louis going to fancy balls and rich parties together to find some rude upperclassmen to dine on

him helping you with the initial guilt of killing after becoming a vampire

you sharing the same hunger as him so he quickly see's himself in you

sharing a coffin together, you holding on to him as you slept while he played in your hair

a very gentle kisser, takes your chin with his fingers and tilts your head up to grasp your lips

slow dancing to orchestral music

having to deal with his anger outbursts every once and while, calming him down and reassuring him everything would be ok

him taking you to paris, milan, tokyo, anywhere you wanted to go

reading together in the huge library he built for you

him getting you the most expensive and high quality dresses or suits

him comforting you when you talk about how much you miss seeing the sun

going to plays together, laughing loudly in the back at how silly they are

him telling you everything he knows from his many years of being alive, never failing to keep you interested as he details his endeavors

you initially having a hard time getting along with him, but slowly warming up to him

debating current issues to keep yourselves entertained since nights can be boring

being spoiled by him constantly

[sweetfushi]

HIS RED FLAGS

angst, hurt/comfort | rintaro suna, kotaro bokuto, satori tendo, kentaro kyotani x reader, difficulties with expressing oneself, difficulty taking criticism, harsh bluntness (unintentional), anger issues | word count. 0.4k ◦ notes. they're trying their best </3

RINTARO SUNA

Sometimes he finds it hard to express himself, not necessarily because he’s faced trauma or hardship, but because he’s never exactly had anyone open up to him. He appreciates that you’re so willing and confident in him to express your own emotions but he sort of just stares at you when you wait for him to do the same. Especially when you’re arguing, he’ll say most things with an unintentionally apathetic tone, despite the fact that he truly means well. You can’t always detect that though, thus resulting in you feeling severely neglected.

KOTARO BOKUTO

He finds it difficult to take criticism, even where it’s constructive. Even when you politely call him out on something, his mood and smile will drop instantly. He views criticism almost as a way of making fun of his capabilities to do things, even when people have the opposite intention. He’d listen when you try to reason with his sudden change in mood, telling him that what he views as hate is actually the product of love and how much people care for him. It would take him a few hours to snap out of his bad mood.

SATORI TENDO

Although he tries the best he can to do otherwise, Tendo speaks his mind. Initially, you viewed it as a green flag, grateful that he was honest with you. However, sometimes you needed sweet treatment in times of despair or pain, and he had trouble holding his tongue. His teasing tended to turn into blunt remarks that you had to glare at him for, which would quickly make him seal his lips after apologising promptly. Sometimes he catches himself before you do once he sees your expression start to anger, which would cause him to reword whatever spills from his mouth.

KENTARO KYOTANI

He gets mad quick. God knows he’s trying, especially for you, but his therapist had insisted that you must be patient with him for both your sakes. He’d get mad over the smallest things and stare at you incredulously when you do nothing but smile sheepishly at his outbursts. Yes, it satiates him slightly to see you so calm, but it also just causes him to walk away with a fire still heated in his chest. He always apologises though, you never have to prompt it out of him, he’d eventually approach you with his hands in his pockets and an apology spilling from his lips (following which you’d tackle him in a reassuring hug).

sweetfushi © do not modify, repost, translate, copy or use my post in any way. all that is included in this post, aside from the fictional characters and universes, belong to sweetfushi (zee).

[the-bloody-sadist]

in case no one else has asked, please list your top 10 BL manga/manwha? 👀

i am. very interested in what other media you enjoy, especially BL

Combining these two bc I didn't wanna leave the second out!

(I wasn't a big fan of Blood Bank personally but I'm so glad it helped you with your world building Lil Whale!!)

I'm hoping some of these are unheard of for you guys because THERE ARE SO MANY BL/YAOI AND I READ THEM CONSTANTLY BUT NOT SO MANY ARE FANTASTIC AND MIND-BLOWING AND SPECTACULAR AND DEEPLY PSYCHOLOGICAL! I'm pretty sure I'll end up listing WAY more than 10, mainly because I want to highlight ones I feel like a lot of people haven't read. ALSO because I read so fucking many of them that I've collected a stash and NOW IS MY CHANCE TO YELL ABOUT THEM.

Just a disclaimer, these are not in any sort of order, as they're all about the same level in my head, just grouped. I'll list the "big name" BLs that I adore after these! First up are the ones that either have a quiet fandom or aren't well known! Since there'll be so many, I'm not going to say much about them, just know that usually no BL/Yaoi is perfect to me, since there are many bad psychology tropes here and there or unnecessary cruelties that aren't exactly realistic etc., but overall, I like the way that the story and characters are handled and/or love the art.

Here's the top five of my top ten that's not a top ten bc there are so many (I just said I wouldn't group them but I lied my ass off apparently):

Jealousy [Scarlet Beriko]: This is one of those that emotionally hits so hard that it will stick with me forever and I will usually tear up just a tiny bit when I think back to the moments that made this one so beautiful. A lot of times a story with major hurt, angst, and tragedy won't wrap up with enough to make me scream and cheer at the end. But THIS ONE DID. And I stopped reading for a while when a big event happened because I thought it would end horribly and I'd have to suffer three weeks of fiction-induced depression for a man who wasn't even real. BUT NAY. The themes you get in this one revolve around loneliness (huge draw for me, it always hits), mafia-connected characters and the rivalries from that, self-destructive prostitution, and characters who have difficulty receiving love without freaking out. Are those even themes idk. OH WELL. YOU GET THE POINT. I want this one on my shelf. You might've heard of it, but the fandom is silent so I never did. T_T OH ALSO THE ART ON THIS ONE IS GORGEOUS I FUCKING LOVE IT.

Hitori to Hitori no 3650nichi [Hitomi]: First of all, favorite manga artist. FAVORITE MANGA ARTIST. I'm never exactly sure if the artist is also the writer or if the writer is never the artist or...BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER. Anyway! I listed this particular title because it was the first that I found by this person - but then I discovered it was a part of a bigger series, and there are like I DON'T KNOW FIVE DIFFERENT MANGA?? OR SOMETHING??? Related to this one. I don't know which order, I just know that I read them all in a frenzy. THE CHARACTERS. OH! OH THE CHARACTERS! Oh my gods, it's so good. LMFAO. The arcs these characters have are fantastic, and I loved the fact that the abuser in one is shown to be the victim of abuse in a prequel story, and that his anger issues and other elements of his personality came about to affect him and destroy him. Just...I don't recall the details, READ IT. That's all. Spectacular depictions of nuanced trauma within abusive relationships.

The Beast Must Die [Lee Hyeon Sook]: This remains one of my favorite depictions IN ANY MEDIA of a psychopath, because it's SO accurate and I'm SO fucking proud of the author for doing their research and OH MY GODS YOU GUYS IT'S ABOUT TO GET A DRAMA CD LET'S FUCKING GO! This story is so good. It's so evil. It's so psycho-thriller. It's so WELL DONE. It features a dark academia-ish secret society within a college setting who hunt people for sport, sometimes. LIKE. Come on. And the psychopath (dark hair) IS THE MAIN LOVE INTEREST! You could literally hear the summary and go "oh this is for Sadist". And I don't get a lot of those that deliver this well. SOMETIMES the art makes me twist my head a little but YOU KNOW WHAT I DO NOT CARE OKAY? It's just SO good. There's murder, there's kidnapping, and - most importantly - a main character who doesn't just DEAL with whatever the psychopath does. He's smart, he fights back, he learns to understand psychopathy to determine if he should remain with the love interest...it's fantastic. That's all. I will stop. *BANGS THE WALL*

Aporia [Seontae]: ALL HAIL THE HEALTHY BDSM RELATIONSHIPS THAT STILL HOLD TENSION AND EMOTIONAL WEIGHT AND SPEAK TO ME!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!! This is my favorite BDSM-themed story. Everything is consensual, but is everything safe??? Not when it comes to the main character's emotions and tendency to sacrifice his wellbeing for a partner. BUT NOT TO WORRY, HIS SADISTIC LOVE INTEREST IS CONSIDERATE AND ATTENTIVE AND CARES ABOUT HIS FEELINGS!! This is, perhaps, one of my favorite depictions of a REAL sadist. A real one as in a realistic, irl BDSM-relationship sadist. Someone who is just as worried about taking care of his partner as he is about hurting him JUUUUST right. ANYWAY! THAT'S ALL! READ IT! HE'S LITERALLY ME!

Royal Servant [MasterGin, Chungnyun]: Okay, we were talking about healthy BDSM in the previous one, now let's talk about TOXIC BDSM-THEMES THAT I LOVE. Lmao. DO YOU LIKE MASTER/SLAVE DYNAMICS? DO YOU LIKE STORIES WHERE THE ARC LEADS TO THE ABUSIVE MASTER EVENTUALLY LEARNING TO NOT BE ABUSIVE AND LOVE THE SLAVE? YEAH ME TOO. I DON'T NEED TO DESCRIBE THIS ANY FURTHER. AUTHOR OF ANGEL BUDDY, THIS IS THE ONE THAT I KNEW HER FOR FIRST.

A bunch of other good ones you may or may not have heard of (I won't describe every one of these unless I have something particular to say, so enjoy the pictures from them that I snatched):

Love me in the Wilderness [Wang Tao]

Neon Sign Amber [Ogeretsu Tanaka]

Zetsubou ni Nake [Shinou Ryo]: Guys. This story is UNIQUE AS HELL. I had to say something about it. The premise is that a man who was raped turns around and goes back after his rapist and rapes him back, and then they fall in love. IT'S....the amount of times my jaw dropped was insane on this one. SOMEHOW IT'S WRITTEN SO WELL. SOMEHOW THEY NAILED THE STRANGE REALISM OF IT AND HAD ME TEARING UP OVER THE INTENSITY OF THE RAPE SCENES. VERY WELL-PACED, VERY TRAUMATIC IN A GOOD WAY. HIGHLY RECOMMEND. The way they come to love each other after this crazy foundation of mutual rape is IMPRESSIVE. Kudos to the writer.

Love or Hate [Yeongha]: This is a very well-known one but there's like zero fandom so I think it fits here. Also a lot of hate going around for it? Which I never understood, fuck those guys. This remains one of the most beautifully-written that I've ever read, and I mean that purely in like...the ACTUAL writing on the page. I'm talking poetry, purple prose. I just recall being blown away by that, and no manga before or since has ever reached its level. For once I felt like the writer was also a novelist because of the way that they put things, and had a clear voice in the style. Did the main boy end up with someone I didn't want him to end up with at the end? Yes. But I felt like it fit pretty well, and it was sort of a tragedy, and it was supposed to hit you painfully in the gut. A lot of people were mad at the main character for that and I don't really think it's fair. In any case! A beautiful story with complex characters and intriguing dilemmas. Highly recommend it.

Shangri La no Tori (Birds of Shangri La) [Ranmaru Zariya]

Two in Six Billion [Denzou]

The Pizza Delivery Man and The Gold Palace [Upi]: Great story and character-building so far! I will say that once it became porn, it dove a little too heavily into it for me. Like I only needed one scene of the porn, I was enjoying the panic attack scenes much more. BUT YEAH, IT'S ONGOING, SO WE'LL SEE WHERE IT GOES! But the panic attack scenes were the reason I read it and yes, I did tear up.

Sleeping Dead and Living Dead [Asada Nemui]: I RECENTLY FOUND THIS ONE AND ADOOOOOOREEE IT SO MUCH. I DO NOT CARE THAT IT'S AN OLD SCIENTIST AND HIS ZOMBIE PATIENT. NORMALLY THAT WOULD HOLD NO SWAY OVER ME, BUT OH GODS, THE ART IS SO PRETTY AND THE STORY IS SO GOOD. I LOVE THE LITTLE ZOMBIE MAN! I LOVE THE LITTLE ROMANCE THEY'VE GOT!

Private Lessons [ANCO, Mongya]: It's cuuuuute what can I saayyyyy it has BDSM and threesomes and I liked it. Very entertaining. Scratches the BDSM itch and the little SUB WAS SO CUTE. Anyway.

Kingyo no Ubugoe [Gontaku Nido]

From Points of Three [White Eared]: Threesome dynamics!!

Silent Lover [Qiang Tang, Bai Li Jun Xi]: I STOPPED THIS ONE AT A CERTAIN POINT BECAUSE IT DIPPED INTO WEIRD M-PREG AND STUFF I CANNOT READ. But BEFORE all that, I was deeply ingrained in this one. It has a main character who can't speak (a particular weakness of mine) and he's OH SO CUTE and he's given as a sex slave basically to the emperor (emperor? idk he's a kingly man, something like that), and the emperor is evil but learns to be soft and yet it takes a LONG TIME SO I WAS BAWLING HYSTERICALLY OVER SOME OF THE HEARTWRENCHINGLY PAINFUL SCENES IN THIS FOR THE POOR YUU-ER. A good read until it decided to go the omegaverse-by-magic-potions route. I didn't stay to figure out where it actually ended up.

Yoru wa Tomodachi [Ido Gihou]

Toumei na Ai no Utsuwa [Hitomi]

Re:Birth [Misuaki Asou]: The singular omegaverse story in existence that I actually liked. Hopefully that says a lot. Mostly because it's about the omegaverse elements NOT being present for the main character and him trying to fake it because he's lonely and afraid that his partner (an alpha *shakes off the disgusting label because who the fuck thought alpha was a cool word*) will leave him if he finds out he's just a regular guy (aka beta I guess? ABO is weird idc).

Sahara no Kuro Washi [Soutome Emu]: MASTER SLAVE MASTER SLAVE---

Haru ni Kaeru [Kunieda Saika]

Incorrigible [Bbong]

Well Done! [ANCO, Mongya]

Nemuri Otoko to Koi Otoko [Zariya Ranmaru]

Even If You Don't Love Me [Pando]: It dropped off SUPER hard (it's ongoing still) but damn was it good in the beginning. I am sick and tired of where it's at currently but the psychological manipulation and the horror of a certain twist in the storyline was CRUSHING to me. I only wish that it would have gone a better way after it happened, because it slowly destroyed itself and became like a lot of tropey rape stories. The asshole just keeps being an asshole and it's not really where the story seemed to want to go with that. But otherwise, it started off strong and I'll give it kudos for that.

Bigger titles I'm pretty sure everyone has heard of that I enjoy:

Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai [Yoneda Kou]: Is it a little unrealistic that literally everyone in this story is gay apparently and wants to fuck one man apparently and/or rape him? Yes, absolutely. Does that matter once you're in the story and it's so good and all these unrealistic cruelties make a really strong bond between the main love interest and this self-destructive masochist who's probably not really a masochist but only interested in hurting himself because he doesn't know how else to handle his trauma from childhood? Ummmm yeah. Anyway! This one had a lot of inspiration and a lot of tears and a lot of obsession from me. I re-read it all the time, I watch the movie over and over, I listen to the audio drama and cry at my favorite scenes. Do I care in the end that it's a little unrealistic at times? No but I do laugh sometimes when I'm about to share it with a new person. Because BL is just like that generally and you've got to put up with a little of those tropes to find your favorite stories. THIS IS ONE OF THE TOP FAVORITES OF ALL TIME FOR ME BTW, IT'S ONLY SO LOW DOWN HERE BECAUSE PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE IN YAOI KNOWS ABOUT THIS ONE ALREADY, AND WE'RE ALL AWARE OF HOW GOOD IT IS.

ENNEAD [Mojito]: I will say that this is basically the best manga/comic/manhua...what's the Chinese word idk ANYTHING OF THIS MEDIA TYPE that I have ever read. It's not done, and people have been complaining that it's starting to fall into the common BL tropes but you know what I do NOT care. Mojito is a genius, Mojito is a master storyteller, Mojito is beautiful, Mojito is strong - I just love Mojito and this work. So much. The action, the horror of rape, the deep-set character conflicts and dilemmas and internal turmoils. Everything, nailed it. Nailed it. And not to mention it's set in FUCKING EGYPTIAN MYTHOLOGY AND THEY'RE ALL GODS AND THEY HAVE SUCH COOL BATTLES AND COSTUMES AND DUDE???? I'm so hooked. That's all.

Killing Stalking [Koogi]: OBVIOUSLY. I don't really need to say anything about this one except that yeah, some of the psychology is a little off and some of it is just super shallow. But I loved the characters and that's what mattered in the end. I fell in love with Sangwoo too and it ripped my heart out when I read the ending. I was depressed for like two weeks and it was the first story that had ever affected me that way, but I was also younger and this was one of my first yaoi/BLs and yeah. GREAT story though, fantastic storytelling, very lovable characters. Sangwoo was handled so much better than most "asshole/kidnapper/rapist" characters and I will never stop appreciating that, because a lot of writers tend to forget that your villains have to have redeeming qualities if you want us to like them (????). Jinx, I'm fucking coming for you. Suck my dick. KOOGI FTW.

Missing Love/A Married Man [In Hyerin]: Some of the DESCRIPTIONS of how trauma works especially of the sexual nature in this story are SO. SO. GOOD. However, I am beginning to grow VERY ANNOYED at where it decided to go with the most current updates of the story. The author did enough trauma to the main boy, now it's getting so incredibly excessive that it's overdoing it and the author's kinks are showing through. LIKE I GET IT. Okay? I do. But this one became too much and I need him to return to the actual story arc of going through that trauma so he can HEAL with the right person taking care of him.

MadK [Ryo Sumiyoshi]: I am into NONE of the kinks that would lead to me picking up this manga. I hate demons, I'm not a monsterfucker, I can't do extreme guro, and yet I SAW CANNIBALISM. THAT WAS THE ONE THING THAT I THOUGHT I'D GIVE IT A TRY FOR. And then accidentally I got obsessed because the plot is AMAZING and the writing is SO GOOD and who cares if I hate demons and monsters ALL OF THEM ARE BADASS AND HOT (??) AND IT CEASES TO MATTER. Good on the writer for making them appeal by personality alone and expressions and whatever else you signed a deal with the devil to make me like because it worked. Also the guro is beautiful, so it doesn't even matter. Hannibal levels.

Warehouse [Killerwhale]

Painter of the Night [Byeonduck]

Viewfinder/Finder [Yamane Ayano]

Given [Kizu Natsuki, Gusari]

Nii-Chan [Harada] (and basically every other work by Harada)

Sadistic Beauty Side Story [Geumsan Lee, Woo Yeonhui]

Dine With a Vampire [Pangin, Pinko]

Angel Buddy [Mastergin, Chungnyun]

My Partner's Tastes and Fetishes [Deok Hwa]

Interview with a Murderer [KJK]

On or Off [A1]

Steel Under Silk [Snob]

The Pawn's Revenge [Evy]: It was going to be SO GOOD! And then it dropped off harder than a boulder from a balcony and I have absolutely no idea why the author took it the way that they took it, but go off I guess. It's boring as hell now but it started off with promise and I enjoyed the art and character designs. Too bad, I suppose.

Caste Heaven [Ogawa Chise]: An old classic with all the sticky sometimes icky mostly ridiculous BL tropes but hey, it's cute. It's sexy. It's fun. I don't care.

Wet Sand [Doyak]: We're still in the beginning stage of this one but I'm excited to see where it goes! Plus the art SLAPS ASS like nobody's business.

19 Days [Old Xian]: I hate comedy, I hate fluff, I hate buddies that never become lovers, but none of that mattered when I picked this one up. The duality of man. Bite-sized chapters and ACTUALLY AN EVENTUAL ROMANCE that none of us thought we'd ever get.

Legs That Won't Walk [Black Apricot]: Although this one dropped off hard for me and I'm really just following it to see if it picks up again and does something interesting (it probably won't) I did enjoy it in the beginning. I just get tired of the "asshole just keeps being an asshole and nothing else but woobified slut keeps coming back to him??" without the strong and realistic undercurrent of Reasons Why Someone Would Come Back such as manipulation or threats or unhealthy attachment. Perhaps it was sorta there in the beginning with them but now I'm just like why are we still continuing this story.

Pearl Boy [Inking, Zoy]: *Awkwardly scratches neck* It's not the best okay? It's not. It's really not. I don't like half of the things that occur in this one, but the ART, bro. THE ART, BRO? That's what got me into it and what kept me into it, PLUS I do like little Jooha. I stayed for Jooha, too. Dooshik drives me a little batty most of the time and looks ugly for half the story to me, but when he's badass, he's pretty badass, so I can forgive him. I really don't know why he has such drastically changing appearances because I thought he was someone completely different for a bit LMAO. In any case, I have to admit I like the uhhhhh danger that Jooha gets himself into and the crazy things that make no sense but you know what he gets hurt and then there's comfort and rescue and they cry and I cease to care that it makes no sense. (Sorta, I don't actually cease to care I just laugh awkwardly and go okay sure that's how it works because it's so hard to find stories that don't do this LOL I'm beating a dead horse) BUT WHY DOES HE CUM PEARLS? WILL WE EVER KNOW? WHO THE HELL THOUGHT OF THAT AND WITHOUT A SUPPORTING MAGIC SYSTEM IN THE WORLD TO MAKE THAT MAKE SENSE? IT WENT DOWNHILL SO FAST AND THE ENDING IS TERRIBLE BTW. THE VILLAIN SUCKS.

That's it. I can't talk to much or I'll run out of words but HOPE YOU GUYS FIND SOME NEW READS!!

[konigsblog]

I genuinely do not understand why you freak out when blogs talk about not liking you. You write about controversial shit that can be VERY triggering and/or repulsive for the average audience member, so it comes off as so very deranged and silly when you make a post about someone who DARED shit on you for your WILD content filled with rape fantasies and such.

I get it if someone is actively trying to doxx you and you want the account taken down for trying to do that, but getting your rabid audience to witchhunt creators who have a right to dislike you for the very heinous shit YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IS CRAZY is silly to say the very very least?

Again: you write rape fantasies. Hybrid animal shit that borders on zoophilia. I'm sure there's other things that are VERY IMMORAL in nature that you could be writing and posting. But one things for sure: people have a right not to like you and not want like-minded people to interact with your shit, the fuck 💀 your burden to bear if you REALLY REALLY need to write rape fiction about MW2 characters with animal features... No amount of "this is my coping mechanism even though I could leave this unposted, I was raped maybe!!" can excuse or justify that.

(Not to mention you have that one mutual who writes incest and pedophilia fics, YIKESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS)

Disliking someone isn't an excuse to disrespect them, get your head out of your arse and learn the difference.

Do you disrespect everyone you dislike? Although,I don't expect morality, empathy, or generosity from bastards like you.

I'm not even saying this out of frustration, but out of genuine concern — HOW are you guys so stupid?? We've made this so easy for you. You're attention-seeking. That's the only reason. You're not actually triggered or upset by my content — not to mention that a large chunk of puritans aren't even victims themselves, just people who are too lazy to learn proper communication. You're not upset by my content. I know it. You want attention.

Talk this shit out with your therapist, you clearly have some anger issues that haven't been dealt with and I won't be taking full responsibility for that any time soon. But yeah, let's go with your daft mentality where you can harass and shame victims for coping differently because you're the fucking centre of attention! Not to burst your bubble, but you're not as important as you think you are.

Oh, God forbid someone depicts crime in fiction! Go take a nap, you prude. You're throwing a whole hissy fit over people writing dark fiction, just because it does cater to your needs? Talk about being greedy, you can't be the target audience for all media. You're not going to put an end to dark content anytime soon, you're just humiliating yourself. These comments are motivation to continue because I adore pissing you eejits off. It's simple. Create content where you aren't the audience in mind and you all throw a temper tantrum! Is it because you're selfish, self-centred, and believe you deserve everything? 😬

I don't know any mutuals that create pedophilic content. And don't beat around the bush, stop dropping hints and then using the anonymous button to hide your identity, you absolute weapon.

[becauseimanicequeen]

Don't Ask Me for QL Recommendations Because My Taste is BAD

Bad as in TRASHY.

For your own good, don't ask me for recommendations.

I'm writing this because I've gotten some asks lately for QL recommendations and I wanted to spare you the pain.

If you still don't trust me (because to be fair, why would you? I'm just a random weirdo on the internet), let me tell you how bad my taste is so you'll know why I'm doing you a great favor by sparing you the pain.

(I also watch, and rewatch, series/films for ridiculous reasons, yet another reason not to listen to me. I’ll come back to this in a minute.)

Let's start with a brief rewind to a couple of decades ago (because it matters in this context).

The first queer content of any kind I can remember watching was Xena: The Warrior Princess in the late 90s and early 00s (I was a child/pre-teen at the time). It was such a pivotal point for me, which is why I remember it vividly. Not only was Lucy Lawless (the actress playing Xena) the most beautiful human being I had ever seen at that point, Xena was also queer and I loved her.

The series, though? It’s bad.

It’s over-the-top, contains ridiculous humor, face-palm-worthy fight scenes, etc., etc. (But, it was also the 90s, so it was quality television at the time, no matter what anyone else says.) It was so bad that it was ridiculously entertaining. I would watch it today (if I could find it anywhere…). That’s how bad my taste is (or how attached I am to bad shit).

That’s when the groundwork for my bad taste was laid. I blame THANK Xena: The Warrior Princess for it.

Then there was a huge skip until July last year when I found the Asian QL world, because I had no idea it even existed (I’m from Europe, btw).

(My personal story is that I fell into the queer/gay film world before the QL world, and the queer films I could find were made and released very sporadically. But ever since I found the treasure trove of Asian QL series in July 2023, I’ve watched 291 series/films as of right now.)

The reason I fell into the Asian QL world was thanks to a Short on YouTube with the main characters from Roommates of Poongduck 304 kissing. (Want to know what convinced me to watch it? One of them was wearing blue and the other pink, two of my favorite colors. Yep, that’s the reason. Told you it would be ridiculous.)

Since then, I’ve been exploring this rabbit hole and loving every second of all the bad shit that’s out there (there’s some great shit too, and some great things that aren’t shit at all, but they’re not really my taste because my taste is trashy, remember?).

I quickly noticed what my taste was pulling me towards and, in some cases, the trashier it was, the more I liked it.

(I’m talking about fiction here. I’m mature enough to be able to separate fiction from reality. Just because I enjoy watching a series/film that depicts a problematic topic, and sometimes do it in a problematic way, doesn’t mean I condone it in real life. I’m just putting this here as a disclaimer because people on the internet are easily offended nowadays. And I honestly don’t have time to respond to people who are venting their anger after purposefully misinterpreting what I’ve said, unless there’s a very valid reason, which there usually isn’t.)

So, what are some of my favorites that I absolutely do not recommend you watch?

Unless you want to watch trash, then, have at it. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

(Btw, if you like any of these, I apologize for calling your taste bad and trashy. But, if you like any of these, I think you already know your taste is bad. Also, if you like any of these, hey, bestie!)

Let’s start with the less extreme ones so I don’t scare you away from the start. After that, they’re in no particular order.

(With the issues/TW section for each series/film I include possible trigger warnings, taboo topics, what viewers/commenters have brought up as problematic, my possible issues with the writing, etc. I won’t list everything (because some of them would have looong lists) but I’m including some of the major ones.)

Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, age gap, “adoptive” brothers becoming lovers, etc.

Both couples in this series have their own set of issues. Ai Di and Chen Yi are the “adoptive” brothers who become lovers while Ze Rui and Zong Yi have an age gap (I can’t remember how big of an age gap but I think it was close to 10-ish years).

(Before I move on there’s one thing you should know about me… I was born into a family with a varying degree of age gaps within marriages, from 2 to 23 years. Even though we’ve talked about the bigger age gaps occasionally, it’s never been an issue. I don’t mind age gaps as long as they’re legal. Does that mean I would hook up with someone in their late teens or early twenties? No. I would rather hook up with someone who has a fully developed brain, which science suggests doesn’t happen until somewhere in the mid-to-late-twenties. But it does mean that age gaps (as long as they’re legal) aren’t something I’ll be bothered by or judgemental of.)

Kiseki: Dear to Me is one of my favorite series because:

It’s from Taiwan, and the Taiwanese QLs are generally great at dealing with more difficult and taboo topics.

Ai Di is the feistiest, most colorful, and pettiest bitch and I love him with my entire ice-cold heart.

Chen Yi looks amazing in black.

The neon lights (because I’m a slut for that).

Also, the kissing (from both couples) is great.

You know, I did say that these would be series/films I absolutely do not recommend you watch. But I’ll actually recommend this one. Watch it. It’s great.

Unknown (Taiwan)

Issues/TW: Age gap, “adoptive” brothers becoming lovers, etc.

This is another one I’ll actually recommend you watch because it’s great.

The main couple (Qian and Yuan) are the “adoptive” brothers becoming lovers while the age gap is most prominent between San Pang (Qian’s business partner) and Lili (Qian’s younger sister). There’s also the fact that San Pang is part of their chosen family and has seen Lili grow up and stuff. So, if that bothers you, then don’t watch it.

The biggest reasons I would personally recommend it to those I know aren’t particularly bothered by taboo topics are because:

The yearning is palpable (and I love shit like that).

Qian would move heaven and earth for his family.

The great story.

The even more amazing acting.

Some moments made me bawl (and since I'm an ice queen, I get obsessed with shit that shatters my ice and makes me cry).

I know I said my taste is trashy… but I would actually give myself a gold star for loving this one.

Now, back to the real trash…

Love in the Air (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, SA, rape, MAME, etc.

Everyone and their aunt (or however the saying goes in English) seem to have an issue with MAME (the original creator of LITA and several other trashy BLs) and for good reason. (I would say that she improved a lot with Wedding Plan, which is the least problematic thing I’ve watched from her and it’s the latest series of hers, as of right now.) If she’s grown, remains to be seen. But it doesn’t change the fact that LITA has some issues.

Honestly, I just watch this for the visuals, as in the motorcycles and the neon lights. That’s it. That’s the reason.

I mean, if you look at the whole first sex scene between Sky and Prapai, you get what I mean with the neon lights. It’s divine. (I recently rewatched LITA for this very reason. A waste of time, you say? Not when you’re a slut for neon lights.)

Don’t watch this though! Just enjoy this gif instead…

I just saved you 13-ish hours of your life. You’re welcome.

TharnType and TharnType 2: 7 Years of Love (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, homophobia, domestic violence, MAME, etc.

Don’t watch this. This is bad. As in, really bad. And all the issues are in the main couple’s relationship.

But, since my taste is really bad, I rewatched this recently for horny reasons (it’s Mew, after all, and he’s got me in a chokehold for some reason). It’s still as bad as I remembered it, but I would still rewatch it for Mew’s sake (and because Techno is ridiculous throughout both seasons, which means I love him).

To be fair there are other, a lot spicier, series that I watch more often for horny reasons (yes, some of them are in this post because they’re trashy too), but none of them include Mew. And since I have to get my dose of Mew from time to time, I return to TharnType (especially the second season).

Big Dragon (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, blackmail, etc.

This isn’t that problematic in my opinion, but there is definitely a drug-induced sexcapade that’s taped and used for blackmail for a while. And that's how the series starts.

I recently did a rewatch of this and it was still bad (in a good way) and I loved every second of it.

What I love about this series are:

The visuals. The set designs are beautiful (especially Yai’s home and the bar, before he demolishes it). As a visual artist, this is speaking to my soul.

The chemistry between Yai and Mangkorn.

Pong and Park. Two idiots I love with my whole ice-cold heart.

And the title track because it’s addictive as hell to listen to.

Also, the sex (which my horny ass needs). Let's not forget the sex. Those scenes were also visually stunning, which made me love them even more.

Honestly, I'll kneel and bow down to this shit because it's that great.

Don’t trust my judgment, though, because my taste is trashy.

Only Friends (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Manipulation, stalking, promiscuity, etc.

This series is messy in terms of intrigue (especially from Boston and then Boeing’s part). The ending had some issues. The sex isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, either. I, on the other hand, would drink a whole pot of this.

Overall, I loved this trash. Mainly because of:

How visually stunning it is.

Sand. He’s a hardworking, good person. He’s also a proud bi!

How they depicted and handled Ray’s addiction and recovery. (I know some watchers were upset that the focus of the series landed on Sand and Ray towards the end while neglecting the other characters, which is a valid point. However, setting that aside, the way they portrayed Ray’s addiction and then his road to recovery in the last couple of episodes was realistic, and I loved it.)

The promiscuity, because I loved it and the mess it created.

Boston being a slutty asshole. The more of a slutty asshole he was, the more I loved him. (I know, it’s a me-problem.)

Boeing coming in and kissing (almost) everyone.

It’s trashy, it’s messy, and I love it!

But, I don’t recommend it to anyone.

My Beautiful Man 1, 2, and 3 Eternal (Japan)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, obsession, bullying, lack of (or no real) communication, etc.

I love this series (2 seasons + 1 film), but I honestly don’t see it as particularly problematic. But I know others will disagree with me, so here it is on my list of trashy QLs.

I don’t mind Hira’s obsession because I know Kiyoi is just as whipped for Hira (even though he doesn’t know how to communicate it to Hira at first, especially in a way that Hira understands). Would I be okay with someone’s obsession and stalking in real life? Of course not. But, as I mentioned before, I’m mature enough to separate fiction from reality.

Also, I love miscommunicating characters, especially when the misunderstandings they create bring out all the emotions (angst, hurt, anger, sadness, embarrassment, etc.) and even the flight response. I especially love miscommunicating characters when they learn to communicate throughout the series/film. And this series is especially delicious on the miscommunicating part.

But, it’s also problematic, apparently. So, don’t watch it.

The End of the World With You (Japan)

Issues/TW: Blackmail, biphobia, cheating, etc.

I’ll be honest and say that I’ve only watched this series three times. And that’s because the biphobia is fucking annoying. In this series, the bi character is depicted as a cheater (which is common in QLs, btw). It’s an exasperating stereotype. Cheating has nothing to do with your sexuality and everything to do with who you are as a person.

(I mean, you can be a proud bi like Payu in LITA or Sand in OF. They have eyes only for one person as soon as they’re pursuing or dating someone. Give me more bi characters like this, please.)

We could discuss how cheating can be used as characterization in certain stories. But not in this one. Here, they’re basically using Ritsu’s bisexuality as the reason he’s cheating (since he’s sleeping with Masumi while having a thing going on with a girl, and then sleeping with a girl when he has a thing with Masumi), which is why it’s bothering me in this series.

If I’m going to tell you why I like this series, however, it’s for 2 reasons:

It’s about getting a second chance, a topic I love.

The sex (laser-focused horny Ritsu is my favorite Ritsu).

Check Out (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Biphobia, cheating, lazy writing, etc.

(It should be mentioned that I’ve read some comments about some issues involving the company behind this series. I haven’t dug deeper into this so I don’t really know if there’s any substance to the comments I’ve read (like official statements from the company or the other people involved, etc.). But I’m putting this out there in case this might be a potential issue for you (even though I’ve already told you that I don’t recommend you watch any of these because they’re all trashy).)

When I first checked this out at the beginning of this year, this series seemed to have created a storm of bad comments and reviews on MDL since it first came out. So, obviously, I needed to watch it because my taste is trashy.

And, you know what? I loved it!

Besides having the bi character depicted as a cheater (again, the use of this biphobic stereotype is so fucking annoying) and the sporadic clunky and stale scenes, I loved this series because:

It’s about second chances. As I mentioned before, I love that topic.

Best (the actor playing Daonuea) is the best in this series. There’s just something about him that grabs my attention every time. He has me in a similarly tight chokehold as Mew.

There’s sex (and my horny ass needs it).

But, it’s also trash, so don’t watch it.

Pit Babe (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Domestic violence, non-consensual, SA, age gap, etc.

This became popular. Really popular. I saw people comment about it everywhere. And usually, when stuff becomes popular, it’s more than likely reduced to trash quality by the general public. So, obviously, I had to watch it.

Did I end up loving it? Yes.

Honestly, the biggest issue this series had for me was the whole omegaverse thing (this was a new thing for me because I don’t come from an erotic fiction background, my head was rather stuck in fantasy fiction). And, from my limited understanding of this, they didn’t seem to fully commit to the omegaverse thing in Pit Babe, which was unfortunate.

The racing was also so-so for me, which hurt my soul because I usually love racing (cars, mcs, boats, etc.).

What I did like, however, was:

The chemistry between Pete and Kenta (and I’m so sad I only got crumbs of this).

Pavel (the actor playing Babe). I would watch and listen to him recite product placement scripts for toothpaste all day long.

The sex, especially the scene with Babe and Charlie in ep. 9 (even though it was mixed with clips from the racing) and Jeff and Alan’s scene in ep. 13 (because it was sensual, if we ignore the music).

The neon lights (have I mentioned that I’m a slut for neon lights?). I mean, just look at this:

I can watch that pinkish light all day long, even though Babe and Charlie are trying to distract me. (Especially Pavel!)

Dead Friend Forever (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Grooming, bullying, suicide & suicide attempts, etc.

Besides the issues listed above, this also suffered from lazy writing at the end. BUT, I fucking loved DFF anyway.

I never expected to love this series because it’s just a bunch of teenagers stuck at a house in the woods. How interesting could that be? Turns out, very.

DFF wasn’t perfect (perfection doesn’t exist anyway), but what I loved about it was:

The morally ambiguous characters.

The revenge plot.

The poetic justice.

The questioning of what was real vs hallucination.

The visually stunning shots.

The mask!

And Tan’s mask!

The beheading scene.

I could go on, but you get the point. I just love this piece of trash.

But, please, don’t watch it. You will suffer from brain rot. Trust me.

I, however, am currently rewatching this because I choose the brain rot. And my taste is trashy, remember? Or, perhaps I just love watching chaos unfold…

HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count (Taiwan)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, age gap, tragic ending, etc.

Everyone and their aunt and even their dog have an issue with the ending of this one. And it’s understandable.

I don’t necessarily like or dislike the ending. Obviously, the bury your gays trope is tragic in itself, and, tragically, it’s still being used. That’s why I couldn’t find myself liking the ending, even though I don’t mind tragic endings. (Romeo and Juliet is one of my favorite classics, which people tend to forget is a tragedy and not a romance, btw, but I digress…)

At the same time, though, this series made me cry for a whole episode before tragedy struck because I could feel it. And you have no idea how obsessed I get about shit that makes me cry (since I’m an ice queen).

(Another side note: one of my favorite BLs is Once Again, which made me bawl throughout the whole series. It’s not on this list because it’s neither trashy nor bad, but it’s still one of my favorites because it broke me in the best ways. But, anyway…)

The best part of this series from beginning to end was the other couple, at least for me. This couple is the one with the age gap (which, again, doesn’t bother me) and I fucking love them! One, because Wilson Liu (the actor playing Bo Xiang) is such a gem. Second, because their first time was such a spur-of-the-moment thing fueled by a desire that went from 0-100kph in less time than a Ferrari would. And I loved it (just as much as the squeezing of boobs from behind, which, for some reason, appeals to me).

Also, the twins are so pretty it’s annoying.

Do I recommend it, though? No, because I don’t have time to respond to the clap back I’ll get when you come to the end.

HIStory 4: Close to You (Taiwan)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, SA, obsession, age gap, stepbrothers becoming lovers, etc.

This one has some problems (especially the relationship between Yong Jie and Xing Si), but I love both the series and its problems (yes, I’m trash). You could say that I’m as obsessed with this series as Yong Jie is with Xing Si. Would I get this series drunk and fuck the living daylights out of it? No. But I would watch it once every 3 months or so. Oh, wait… I already do that. Because I’m trash.

What do I love so much about this series (other than what I mentioned above):

It’s from Taiwan.

Li Cheng is ridiculous, which is exactly why I love him.

Every time I rewatch it, it gets funnier.

The chemistry between Li Cheng and Teng Teng is amazing.

As well as the chemistry between Yong Jie and Xing Si.

The kissing is just as amazing.

The main fujoshi girl, Mei Fang, is so cute I can’t handle her.

And the bathroom scene! In that lighting! It’s iconic!

I don’t care what anyone else says. This is fucking gold to me. But, then again, my taste is trash. So, don’t listen to me.

KinnPorsche (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, SA, torture, Stockholm syndrome-ish, etc.

This is some next-level trash, and I fucking love it.

Two of the major relationships in this series (Kinn & Porsche and Vegas & Pete) are problematic at some point. Especially Vegas and Pete who have this whole captor/captive, torture, BDSM-ish type relationship. Of course, I love Vegas and Pete because my taste is super trashy (yes, it’s a me-problem, but I don’t force my taste on other people, so, for the love of all that is holy, don’t watch this!).

Other reasons I love this series and rewatch it from time to time:

It’s visually stunning! The cinematography is amazing. As I mentioned before, I’m a visual artist, so this is a very valid reason for me to watch it again and again. And again.

The neon lights.

The whole mafia thing.

The sex (because my horny ass needs it).

Playboyy (Thailand)

Issues/TW: SA, homophobia, suicide, etc.

I was debating whether or not to add this to my list solely based on the ending. However, up until that point, I really liked it.

The fact that every episode starts with a whole ass list of trigger warnings tells me this is my shit. And it was.

At times, it was so bad that it was good (until the ending, which was just so bad it was bad). The things I liked were:

The mystery.

Win (who played Nuth). His acting was great.

The chemistry between Nuth and Phop.

The tattooed daddy that’s Aob and his chemistry with Puen (there’s also an age gap here, btw, but as I’ve mentioned before, it’s fine by me as long as it’s legal).

The weird ass sex scenes (and the underwear).

And the not so weird ass sex scenes (like the ones between Aob and Puen and the ones between Nuth and Phop).

But, this series is trashy. Keep as far away from it as possible. If you still decide to dip in, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Red Wine in the Dark Night (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Obsession, blood, human blood bags, etc.

This is a queer film that’s BL-ish with some dark themes. Mainly, it’s about how far Wine would go to help the person he’s fallen for (or become attached to).

What I loved about this film was:

Fluke (who plays Wine). He’s such a great actor and I love him in everything he does.

Wine who is so desperate to love someone and be loved that he ends up doing some weird shit.

The darker and sadder vibe, which I love.

Irresistible Love 1 and Irresistible Love 2 (China)

(This is also called Uncontrolled Love.) 

Issues/TW: Obsession, homophobia, codependency, adoptive brothers becoming lovers, etc.

This is another queer film (in two parts) that is more BL-ish than the films I’m getting into below.

This depicts a weird relationship dynamic between Xie Yan and Shu Nian where Shu Nian was basically adopted into the family to become Xie Yan’s friend/babysitter/lackey. This is some weird ass shit, and I love weird ass shit so I really enjoyed this rare, uncensored, gem from China.

But, it’s also trashy. So, don’t watch it.

The next couple of films I’ll mention are (obviously) trashy, but also complex and deep (which is why I love them).

One Summer Night (South Korea)

Issues/TW: Obsession, dependency, oppression, etc.

This is a low-budget film from 2016 (so, production-wise, it’s definitely nothing like the usual stuff from South Korea you can watch on Netflix), but I love it.

It’s gritty, it’s raw, it’s explicit (an emphasis on explicit because you’ll see dicks), it deals with being a North Korean defector but ending up in an impoverished situation in South Korea, and it ends with a dubious ending you can interpret in different ways.

This is definitely not for the general QL viewers who watch QLs for the cutesy stuff.

And it's trashy. So, don’t watch it.

Dangerous Drugs of Sex (Japan)

Issues/TW: All the trigger warnings! Seriously. I feel like it’s better to say that so you’ll look up the TWs for yourself (if you choose to watch this, which I'm asking you not to) rather than me mentioning a few and forgetting others.

With this film, what others see are all the trigger warnings (and, yes, I see them too, they’re fucking obvious). However, I can see beyond that and watch it for what it is at the core: Two characters dealing with incredible grief.

Grief is a topic that often affects me and I can relate to it because I’ve had to deal with a lot of grief in my relatively short life. Watching a film like this where grief pushes the characters to their very limits will (often) get a special place in my heart, especially if done well. And it’s done very well in this film.

Do I condone the characters’ behaviors? No (especially not Yoden Ryoji’s). But I do understand that grief can send you over the edge (and in some cases throw you off the edge) because I’ve experienced it. I do understand that grief can cause you to make horrible decisions because I’ve done it (though, not this extreme). I do understand that grief can be self-destructive because I’ve been there. This film shows it all. That’s why I love it so much.

Do I recommend you watch this, tough? No. Don’t do it. This is not for everyone. It’s definitely not for those who watch QLs for the cutesy stuff.

But it is for me because I love trash. Especially good trash. And this is the best trash I’ve ever seen when it comes to gay films.

Anything by Scud Cheng

Lastly, I want to mention any film by Scud Cheng because…

And I’m an artist so art means everything to me.

Cheng is a screenwriter and director from Hong Kong. His films, the ones I’ve seen, are gritty, nude, and real. They are more on the art side than the others I’ve listed above, which is why they have a special place in my heart.

They’re also deep and explore themes like introspection (are we doing things because we believe they’re the right thing to do, or because external forces have “brainwashed” us to believe they’re the normal thing to do?), the porn industry and how it exploits young and queer men, death, politics, and love, to name a few.

These are not for the average QL watcher. They’re not for the faint of heart. They’re not for those who want an entertaining watch.

These films require multiple viewings. I’ve watched some once, some twice, and some more times, and I still find new themes and meanings woven into the stories. So, they’re complex and deep.

But, don’t watch them because I know you’ll come at me later. So, to spare us both the time and energy it would take to argue about this shit, just don’t watch any of it.

Now, if you still want to ask me for recommendations after all that, don't tell me I didn't warn you!

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

The Copollogism Essays - Part 1: The Tent Scene

SO. Here we are. I have absolutely ascended to insane over two fictional characters' relationship by this point, and this will merely cement that into place.

I do not know how often I will update this, but rest assured I have it all figured out! I'll update with links below for easy access to the other posts as I analyze our favorite dumpsterfire ship >:3

Believe me when I say I have Thoughts™️

These essays will detail the scenes Apollo & Commodus have shared, as well as a look into how it affected them and we'll also take a look into where it stands in the toxic relationship territory (The answer may surprise you. Or not. I am not quite sure myself at this point in time LMAO).

Additionally, I will be giving my own thoughts on a few things I've noticed within the series. I will refrain from talking about my own personal headcanons and focus on what we're given in the books, as well as any and all historical facts from Commodus's life that relate to their lives/relationship.

From The Book: Part 1 (The Tent) ~ Part 2 (The Assassination) ~ Part 3 (Lester's Reaction) ~ Part 4 (Leo's Questions/Seeing Commodus Again) ~ Part 5 (The Arena) ~ Part 6 (The Waystation) ~ Part 7 (The Yacht) ~ Part 8 (The Final Moment)

Analysis: Part 1 (Apollo and Commodus as Individuals) ~ Part 2 (Toxic Relationship?) ~ Part 3 (Codependent - Or Is It?) ~ Part 4 (Other Thoughts)

Let us kick off with the infamous: Tent Scene.

The Tent Scene

All quotations from The Dark Prophecy

Let's break it down.

I could certainly sympathize with his feelings. Marcus Aurelius was the sternest, most powerful father in the world aside from my own father, Zeus. Both loved to lecture. Both loved to remind their offspring how lucky they were, how privileged, how far short they fell of their fathers’ expectations. And of course, both had gorgeous, talented, tragically underappreciated sons.

How their fathers treat them is certainly a focal point of their relationship, with Apollo knowing enough about Commodus's feelings on Marcus Aurelius to be willing to compare it to his own relationship with Zeus (which is...honestly worse than Commodus & Marcus's).

“My father made me his junior co-emperor when I was fifteen, Apollo. It’s stifling. All duty, all the time. Then he married me off to that horrid girl Bruttia Crispina. Who names their child Bruttia?”

We're told that Commodus has been co-emperor since he was 15 - certainly a young age by modern standards, but rather par for the course in Roman times. However, that does not mean the pressure of being co-emperor wouldn't be a lot on 15-18 year old Commodus.

He is a teenager, after all. And he is a teenager that is rather abhorred to responsibility.

I didn’t mean to laugh at the expense of his distant wife…but part of me was pleased when he talked badly about her. I wanted all his attention for myself.

Oh, Apollo sweetie...you have issues too XD

Wanting to keep your lover's attention to yourself? Yeah, sorry Apollo, but that's not a good sign. This just goes to show that they are both toxic influences, and they brought out the worst in each other.

“I’ll make peace with the barbarians,” he said immediately. “Then we’ll go home and celebrate with games. The best games, all the time. I’ll gather the most exotic animals in the world. I’ll fight them personally in the Colosseum—tigers, elephants, ostriches.” I laughed at that. “Ostriches? Have you ever even seen an ostrich?” “Oh, yes.” He got a wistful look in his eyes. “Amazing creatures. If you trained them to fight, perhaps designed some sort of armor for them, they would be incredible.” “You’re a handsome idiot.” I threw another grape, which bounced off his forehead. A brief flash of anger washed over his face.

Leaving this here for future reference but we WILL be coming back to it!!!! In a future post!!!!

I knew my sweet Commodus could have an ugly temper. He was a little too fond of slaughter. But what did I care? I was a god. I could speak to him in ways no one else dared.

Apollo is the ONE PERSON who is able to challenge Commodus. And from the previous passage, we can infer Commodus is not used to it, even though he is well aware Apollo is the one with all the power in this relationship - although, he sure does like forgetting about that detail a lot lmao

Commodus looked at me, panic in his eyes. “Go,” I said, as calmly as I could, forcing down my misgivings. “You will always have my blessings. You will do fine.”

A sweet thing I find in this section is; 1) Commodus looks to Apollo for comfort, for some sort of it will be fine; and 2) that Apollo is encouraging despite his misgivings. Apollo is aware what kind of leader Commodus could be. He knows there is a high chance of his lover becoming a worse version of himself.

In fact, he even admits it;

But I already suspected what would happen: the young man I knew and loved was about to be consumed by the emperor he would become.

But he tries to go the you have my support, you have my love route. Romantic, but ultimately, it's not enough to keep Commodus from the path he goes down.

into the mouth of the wolf, Apollo says. Because this is the last time he truly sees the man he loved.

The next time they meet? It will be a crazed, paranoid tyrant he has to end - and in doing so, breaks the promise he once made.

He rose and kissed me one last time. His breath smelled of grapes. Then he left the tent—walking, as the Romans would say, into the mouth of the wolf.

This whole, entire scene? It's drenched in a tragic aura. It starts out light and teasing, but it ends with this.

This is their final kiss. This is the final time they get to see each other without the barrier of betrayal between them.

And that, is truly heartbreaking.

[ayashitetsuko]

An open letter to David Jenkins

Some fans believe that we should not vent our anger and frustration to show creators. I don’t believe that. The thing about being a professional is that receiving criticism is part of your job—especially if you have done a terrible job.

OFMD went from groundbreaking to disappointing overnight.

There was a momentum to create a queer media that is smart, fun, sexy, and most importantly, respectful. In the way they are writing these queer characters. Especially older and disabled queer characters, a reflection of a generation of marginalised communities that have gone through so much. To give audience a glimpse of hope in their escapism.

But sir, you choose to Remus Lupin him instead.

This is not just about killing off a character. Hell, I might be willing to accept it. After all, I have read and even written fics with MCD in it—involving my favourite character.

But I want you to know that this is a special case. It is not just another popular character being killed off to drive plots.

I have issue with how you kill off a queer character that represents many marginalised communities in his arc.

Izzy is an abuse survivor who becomes disabled as a result of it. Izzy is a queer elder. Izzy is suicidal but manages to overcome it with the healing power of love and community.

Having him killed off just like that is a huge slap for fans who have gone through what he has gone through. Turns out, even in fiction, in our escapism, there is no joy. Only despair.

Also. Father figure? Where does that come from? Ed has never been shown to have any level of respect for Izzy. So let me ask you again. Where does “father figure” come from?

You have an opportunity to make a difference with OFMD; to be remembered in history for the right reasons. Yet somehow you choose not too. You choose to turn this into cheap, sensationalist entertainment where death and torture are thrown around for shock value.

It is like you have no idea how much power you have by being a professional storyteller.

Let me break it down to you. For you as a writer, perhaps killing off Izzy is nothing but an artistic choice. A plot point to figure out. But for audiences in marginalised groups, stories are mirrors. They see themselves in stories. That is how stories give them hope. This is why OFMD has never been “just a pirate story”. Perhaps this is hard to understand if you have never been part of an underrepresented community in the mainstream media, but this is how many are feeling about your work now. Your legacy.

OFMD has truly become an overnight failure. I don’t know how this happened. I would like to blame budget cuts, but your Vanity Fair interview makes me realise this is all deliberate choice.

So, what is next for us Canyonites?

If anything, this convinced me that queer and disabled people should write. And continue to write.

We can no longer trust major media to speak for us. We definitely can never trust David Jenkins again. Any form of progressiveness that he showed earlier was just coincidence, apparently. Even worse, it was fake.

As my friend Sam beautifully puts it, Izzy belongs to us now. We reclaim that character and give him all the happy endings he deserves in our fic, our art. We transform the works. We write about queer, disabled, suicidal characters the way the deserve to be written. If being a published writer is the path you choose, make sure you make wiser decisions than David Jenkins.

Thank you, sir. It was good while it lasts.

But this is a terrible job that you’re doing.

[maximumkillshot]

Home

Warnings: There are a lot with this one and it hits close to home. Mentions of S/A. The R word is used, sobbing, anxiety and mental episode. mentions of self harm, mentions victim blaming and slut shaming. MDNI. There is fluff spattered around.

Pairing: BangChanxReader

Characters: Bang Chan, Reader, mention of the person who S/A, people Slut Shaming and Victim Blaming. 

A/N:  Okay so this one is heavy. The things you are about to read have happened to me. I had a mental episode a while back. I wrote most of this during said episode. This is what I think Chan would do for his S/O if they went through and go through what I did. This blog has always been a safe space. I use my fictions to entertain as well as a platform to have safe conversations. If you need me as always I will hang around after drop.

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“YN?” Your husband called out to you. You couldn't hear him from the pressure of today. It created a seething pool of frustration and anger as you kneeled at the foot of the bed, wanting to pray, but now that you think about it the pain of being on the floor was a sweet torture in and of itself. 

Usually, anger like this wouldn't be a problem for you. You would go down to the basement and punch granite with your poorly taped hands, yes you were only a kid then, not knowing how else to get the anger out only stopping when you'd hear a crunch. Yes, that was the start of negative coping mechanisms, and yes you are trying to either bury that anger or let it consume you fast before Chris gets home. He's dealt with enough, we don't need to add on to it.  

Now you're no longer a child… as a matter of fact, you are now an adult, an adult with a hairpin trigger vaguely yet expertly disguised as comedic sarcasm. Depression that you don't remember not having… maybe when you were 8? You weren't sure. Not to mention a cast made of a myriad of physical and mental health issues…. Disabilities… and the cast of characters just keep growing! You have the medicine and the “coping techniques”, they called it, for success! Even those fail. 

Trying to talk it out just made you more angry, the injustice looking more and more ludicrous by the second. Okay, let's try breathing. Yeah no. That didn't work either, it just gave your brain more oxygen, so your brain went from quantum computer speed to Sonic the fucking Hedgehog. Oh… ok oh oh! Let's try soundboarding. You know, talk to people, not yourself. That ended in yet another game of useless catch phrases like “calm down” and “you shouldn't be thinking of that.” 

TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T FUCKING KNOW THANK YOU! Oh, and I almost forgot the “Your method of thought isn't changing because you don't want to change '' DO YOU THINK I AM POKED ALL DAY AND SAY TO MYSELF…

‘OH I WANT TO FEEL MORE LIKE SHIT… I KNOW LET ME RUN MY FACE INTO A BRICK WALL OF ANXIETY REPEATEDLY UNTIL I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF ANYMORE.’

You reverted to hurting the people around you due to your anger and frustration, plus you darkened the mood, you've always been a multitasker. My friends were right. I'm depressing, I was only kept around because of my ex. That was before they kicked me out… because they didn't want to believe he assaulted me. You go back to that night often… 

“I didn’t want to do that, I felt icky” You told him after he came back from cleaning himself up in the bathroom, while you were left to clean the traces of himself from your own mouth. No aftercare, no thought about you. The ghost of a boy who used you, who was an on and off friend of almost 10 years…

“I know.” he answered with no emotion.

“Then… why?” You asked, your head cocked to the side.

“Because I really wanted it.” He puts his hand on your shoulder, “But I’m sorry you feel that way. Shit now I feel bad.”

Then it switched to those friends, on another night… “ I just don’t buy it. That DID NOT HAPPEN, I know him better than you.”

“I mean you did it anyway so you must’ve wanted it.”

You tried to explain that you were assaulted, it’s called coercive consent and it’s the most common form of assault. You were raped. You didn’t want to do it and he knew that but you wanted to make him happy. You tried to explain, to educate. They weren’t having it.This conversation at times whirls in your head. Making you itch to pull a trigger, do something to make the torture stop.

“You always overreact and you’re so annoying why don’t you just go the fuck away!”

“You’re so depressing just fucking go away! We only tolerated you because you are his girlfriend, just go the fuck away!” The intent in her voice. The reality. You trusted her most out of the entire group. She helped you emotionally… Now shaming you, blaming you.

Her boyfriend rendered you speachless when you called it what it was, it was rape via coercive consent:

“Oh I get the kind of person you are, you’re the type of person who gets felt up in the middle of the night by their significant other because they’re trying to get laid and you call it rape.”

You know the right method to take now, right… Yeah you do.

Isolate… process… torture yourself…cry… alone. Contain the monster, so it doesn't hurt anyone else… You're just a monster parading as a human. Don't forget it. This happens when you forget Y/N… stop being reckless. Always so fucking reckless… 

You started clenching your hands one over the other, wanting to rake the top of your hands until they bled, trying to ground yourself. Until subconsciously, you did. You rocked as you did it, trying to soothe yourself.

Sometimes you swear people don't see you drowning right in front of their fucking eyes. You know how to swim, you know how to get out, to scream, punch, fight. You want to swim, you really do. But you can only do so much in a rip current. The lifeguard sees you. But instead of helping they yell “PADDLE! JUST PADDLE YOU'LL BE FINE!” It's a different level of patronization. It just makes you want to let the tides swallow you. Because why fight when the waters are so warm?

“Y/N?!” Chris yelled as he saw your bag tossed haphazardly on the couch, never where you put it. He stopped and listened carefully. He thought back to the last text you sent him. “Shit hit the fan at work …I don't want to feel right now. I'll see you at home.” 

That middle sentence made his heart stop. He knows you… something was up. He tried texting you back, sending words of encouragement, calling, and leaving cute messages when you didn't pick up, and nothing was heard from you. As soon as he could get away from schedules he did. When he looked at the clock you had sent that message three hours beforehand, he never raced home faster. 

He knows what your mind does to you. He sees the battles every day. When he’d compliment you and you would look down, not shy, but contradictory. When he’d pick you up you would freeze and he’d remind you that you aren’t too heavy, that he loves you in every single way that you think is impossible to love you. He’d always encourage you to wear what you want, do what you want. He would caress every single curve, never being able to keep his hands off of you. Whispering into your ear in public as he tilts your head up gently after asking for permission. He’d kiss you so delicately in front of a sea of people. On the red carpet, on stage, it didn’t matter. You were and are his person, and he loved showing you off. He couldn’t win the war in your mind for you, but he damn sure would fight those battles with you.

He would fight away those negative thoughts, he’d wrap his arms around you and sing to you to will those images, the anxiety and fear away. Until those thoughts were rendered useless. He’d wrestle with them for control, as soon as he won your mind back he gave it to you. He reminded you that you are here with him for a reason. He adores you, and nothing would change that. 

It was something he promised you when he saw you breakdown while doing your medicines. You told him that you were ashamed of it all. All the illnesses, that you weren’t perfect and that you’d understand if he didn’t want you. He looked at you and helped with your medicines, learned about each of them, and their dosages. He was so gentle, smiling at you, wiping your tears. He looked at all the medicines and said, anything that keeps you alive is nothing to be ashamed of. You aren’t something to be ashamed of. He knows that sometimes you can’t hear him until he’s right in your ear. Now looked like that case.

You couldn't hear him calling out to you, your mind too loud, too vicious, bloodthirsty. When pain and self-deprecation are your main moods, all others seem like an abnormal concept. Something that is stolen, was it even real in the first place? You know one thing that was real… Chris. You hated being this… the medications, the constant fires in your mind, the barrage of hate aimed at yourself, of unbridled strength turned inward to rip yourself apart for no reason other than things piling up. He didn't deserve that. He deserves peace, the best… just like what he demands of himself, perfection. 

You got through the gauntlet at your job. People undermining your authority, people on a power trip of their own. Sending others to try to intimidate, embarrass you into submission… as if you weren't a bloodthirsty wolf that could snap any second, biting their heads clean off. “An Alpha through and through,” that's what Chris would say, “Even Alphas have to bite their tongue, Love.” 

That made you cry more because at this point you don't even know if your tongue is still existent, or if you swallowed the damn thing after you bit it off. Or worse… you still have it… but you lost your voice. You know that can't be it, we're too fucking stubborn for that.

But the hits didn't stop coming, traffic happened, then going to the doctor who said that the physical therapy you needed would eat into your personal time, your time to write, to cook for Channie and the boys, to spend time with Channie and the boys.. then you forgot the doctors note so you had to walk back in for it. Then you had to go home while you tried to talk about everything… and well now here we are. 

Even now you try to problem solve, try to nitpick at yourself, the person he loves so much. You collapsed more on the floor of your shared bedroom, cross-legged thinking of the ocean, the violent, dangerous, tumultuous ocean… something simultaneously so beautiful and scary. You want to say you are like an ocean, but you don't see beauty in yourself, only a beast. That's all we'll ever be.

Chris freezes in the hallway hearing a sob break loose from you. He hadn't heard a sob like that before, it chilled his core. How does he approach this? He sees the doctor's note thrown next to your purse… He was happy you were approved for physical therapy, you really were in a lot of pain daily from the muscle and tendon weakness, but he looked at the times…

He looked to the hallway, “Oh…Baby Girl.” He had one piece of the puzzle. He knew you loved to cook for him and the boys but this schedule meant you couldn't do that for the foreseeable future. You enjoyed seeing the boys eating, and staying fueled, knowing without that they'd opt for less healthy options. Then he saw the paper right under it. A typed log… a leger of interactions throughout your day… “No…” 

Right there, in black and white, was what you went through today, everything down to the sarcastic smirk your coworker had as you were barraged with pressure to break the rules… and you didn't break. He never would've expected you to. You are the strongest person he knows. Even under these conditions, Chris himself would break. In front of fifty plus people being berated, pushed to do something you knew you couldn’t do. 

Right at the end of it was a line, written in plain ink by hand. “Vacation not given as described by supervisor. No week off.” With tear stains smudging the ink. 

Chris started walking down the hall to the shared bedroom. As he walked closer he heard you mumbling as you sobbed. Things like “stop crying” and “it's nothing.” But one made him freeze right before he opened the door, “Chris is going to worry. You already take too much from him, get it together so he won't worry. It’ll hurt him. Stop hurting the people you love. You’re a monster.”

That made his eyes sting, you were worried about him above all else. He slowly opened the door and you couldn't find it in you to look up. You knew who it was. The aura you know and love, like salve on the holes you ripped into yourself. The small steps were only weighed down by his sneakers as he slowly spoke. 

“Hey…Baby Girl?” The tone was even more soothing. We don't deserve that. “Can you look at me please?” You just shook your head. Too embarrassed at the shambling mess you are. The real you that you hide. 

Before you knew it you saw two big hands undoing the laces on his sneakers, shortly after he toed them off. Slowly he sat in front of you groaning “Oooooookay criss-cross applesauce it is…” making you smirk as you wiped your nose with the inside of the collar of your shirt. Finally, as he settled he said “aaaaaughh” with a big puff of air… 

You just tucked your head into your chest as you hid as much as you could. He waited for a few minutes, until he said, “We can address what happened in a few minutes. But you need to know. You don't take from me.” 

Your tears kept falling as you listened, his tone calming the raging currents in your mind.

He looked at the engagement and wedding band on your left hand. He watched the tears fall, he saw the holes in you. He wanted to lunge at you, take that emotional knife away from you, smother you in affection. Hold you, his heart burned for it. Needle and thread ready to patch you up. To heal you.

 He spoke softly, “You are my everything, Y/N. You aren't a burden, a disappointment, you aren't a chore, the only thing you took from me was my heart, but you had that before I even heard your voice. The second I saw you… I gave it to you. I don't want it back either.” 

You hiccuped breaths as you listened. He scooted a little closer and he put his hands out, palm up into your vision… asking for your hands. That was when you realized you were scratching at them again. 

You unfurled them from one another, hissing where one nail was slightly deeper, the tiny droplet of blood following soon after.

He looked at your hands, humming in the back of his throat, “One second.” He didn’t want to show it, but he was worried. You feel so much and he just wants to be there to hold you, to love you. 

Then popped up and left. He came back with a first aid kit, “Oooooookay heeaarr we goar again... criss-cross.” That made you giggle the tiniest bit. Chris always loved to hear your laugh. Your laugh is infectious and it always never fails to brighten his day. He knew he was making progress.

You couldn't see it but Chris was smirking at your tiny cute form. And hearing that little giggle made him want to channel Changbin and squeal at the cuteness overload. 

“Okay my Koala Bear… hands.” When you both had started dating, he noticed you always hung on to him. You explained that he was warm and you were always frozen, especially in the colder months. You asked if it was okay for you to hold on to him like that. Internally he was trying his best not to giggle like a school boy at the prospect of you holding on to him like this naturally. He looked at you and said, “It’s no problem, you just remind me of a Koala Bear, so cute and tiny. Can I call you that? My Koala Bear?” And you nodded blushing. Since then, you’ve been his Koala Bear. 

You presented your hands to him wincing at the stretch of the new scratches and he said “So tiny… so cute. Okay tiny sting” he cleaned the bigger scratch and put a bandage on it, and checked the rest. Once he deemed it all good to have your hands back. He kissed them then returned them to your lap. “Thank you for letting me clean them.” 

You nodded and hummed. The voices slowed down. They always slowed down around him. He always was your safe place. Like home base in a baseball game. If you made it there, you’re safe. You’re home. That thought made you sad, surprisingly. How are you safe with only one person? You should have security in yourself not in someone else. Your brain was waiting to start assaulting you again. 

“Is it loud in there?” Chris asked. You've told him about all of this before, this is the first time he's seen it this bad though. The voices, memories attack you. You explained to him that sometimes your brain will do this, you try to hold it back but sometimes it just can’t be helped.

“Mhmm”

“People don't help… right?”

“mhmm”

“Can you tell me what's going on in there?”

You told him. Some.. not all. You also told him about that pesky intrusive thought about your ex and your friends. 

His body went rigid as he said, “No… they're the ones that are wrong, not you. Your ex…” He wanted to choose his words carefully. He knew that you blame yourself at times. The memory of you explaining why you were hesitant to go further when you were dating. He assured you there was no pressure. That he loved you for you, the rage boiled in him and it still does because you were never at fault for this. Especially when you trusted that asshole enough to experiment with him. He was going to be your first for everything but after what he did. The trust was gone, rightfully so.

Chris continued, “He took advantage of you, and coerced you into consent, that is not love. That is not okay? That is sexual assault. The way that your friends acted was disgusting, the way he acted was sub-human… You are not depressing, you are one of the most beautiful, talented, funny, caring, loving people I have…” his voice gave out and he cleared his throat, “You are one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life. I love you so much and I know you feel like you're a burden on me but being with you has been the most amazing thing I've ever experienced.”

He tilted your head up and you let him, he had tears in his eyes as he said, “You have never been nor will you ever be a monster.” Your tears picked up as you looked into his eyes. You could tell, Chris doesn’t lie. He’ll tell you the truth. His tears started falling as you leaned forward, reaching for him, needing contact. When you saw him you needed his warmth, you need him to heal you. You were losing hope, faith, everything as you watched the holes in you. Seeing him holding the needle and thread. By holding you, being with you, just being himself, it heals you. You whimpered, “Need you…” As your tears switched from self-hate to desperation… you needed him and he could tell. 

He untangled his legs and scooped you up, cradling you in his arms as he rocked you petting your hair back, “You are my inspiration, my eternal love, you are the best part of my past, my present, and my future. You are the future mother to my children, the woman I'm going to grow old with, my forever and always. You are my Y/N, and I am never going to let you forget who you are and why I love you, okay?” He started crying, shielding you in his chest, protecting you. Stitching you together as you heard his heartbeat. You cried on him, relieved that you were with him.

You pulled back from him nodding. He tried to kiss your lips but you said “I'm all snotty” and he giggled. Leave it to you to be worried about snotty kisses. You looked so adorable, cheeks and nose red, nose running, tears stopping, the twinkle coming back into your eyes as he looked at you. 

“Are you denying me my snotty kisses?” He giggled as he said “Okay fine. There's no snot on your forehead” he pecked your forehead, “none on your cheeks”, and laid another peck, this pattern continued for any expanse of skin he could get his lips on as you giggled at him and his barrage of affection. When he stopped he wiped your nose with his sleeve and he kissed you gently on the lips. He savored moments like this, being able to heal you, to pick you up. He looked into your eyes as he said, “now I am thinking I’ll draw up a bath for us and I’ll give you a nice massage. After that we order take away, from your favorite place, then we watch something, Hm?” He looked at you for an answer as he kept wiping tears.

You nodded and gently, he placed you back where you were and went to get the bath ready. You'll always have hard days, but those days turn into amazing nights with Chris. Your home.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[another-lost-mc]

Gonna be completely honest tho. Like yes they are hot in the vampire au but I would be terrified. Like I hate needles and all of that and idk I just feel like I'd be too freaked out for it to be enjoyable? Does that make sense??

A/N: Honestly, same here, anon. lol I think my own MC would find the whole situation exhausting mentally if not physically. There's a lot of valid reasons why any MC might not want to get caught up in this whole mess.

In a lighthearted vampire AU, the characters might feel that vampirism is more of a nuisance than anything else. Ultimately, I think they'd still try to prioritize MC's wishes and comfort over their own needs. It would motivate them to find an alternative solution for blood/feeding (especially if it were a long-term/permanent condition).

This Sucks! | Why They Don't Want to be Vampires Vampire!DEMON BROTHERS x gn!Reader, 0.5k words, SFW Content warnings: references to canon-typical vampire behaviours including biting/blood-drinking. More from the vampire!au

─── LUCIFER

Lucifer doesn’t like depending on anyone for anything. This would be an extra burden for you personally, and the last thing he wants is for life at his side with them to be even more challenging. His brothers would be unbearable if he tried to claim your blood for himself, and he knows in his heart he doesn’t want to share you. (A trivial concern is that his fondness for Demonus, even a blood-infused version of it, might be ruined by vampirism—it’s one of the few luxuries he allows himself to indulge in.)

─── MAMMON

Mammon's too greedy to share you. If you don’t want to donate your blood, that’s even better—that way no one gets to feed from you! He’s also going to be busy figuring out how he can capitalize on blood alternatives if the condition isn’t temporary.

─── LEVIATHAN

Levi's disappointed because vampires in anime are so hot cool, but he’s intimidated by the physical intimacy of it. Oh, and he hates the thought of others wanting to feed from you too. (What if you compare them and you prefer feeding the others more than him?!)

─── SATAN

Human pop culture is so inconsistent with their monster lore. Satan understands that the reality of feeding a vampire (or in this case, seven of them) is daunting and less appealing than the fictional version you've read about or seen in movies. Besides, he has enough anger management issues to deal with—bloodlust would be an extra hassle. He's one of the first to volunteer to find a better a solution for feeding if the vampirism is permanent.

─── ASMODEUS

Asmo doesn’t want to drink anyone’s blood. Wouldn’t it make his breath smell? What if it gets all over his clothes? If he drinks from you in his bed, the stains might ruin his expensive Devilmoth silk sheets! He might seem superficial about it, but his biggest complaint is the possibility that feeding might scar you or hurt you in some way. Leaving his mark on you sounds appealing, but not like that—especially if you're already hesitant about the idea. (He's secretly worried one of the others might try to talk you into something you don't want to do, and he wants to make sure his own judgement isn't clouded so he can help protect you.)

─── BEELZEBUB

Beel has so many issues with hunger and self-control that the thought of being hungry for your blood upsets him a lot. He’s so scared of hurting you, and when he’s out of control with hunger it's difficult to stop him. What if the others can’t subdue him in time? What if—? No, he doesn’t even want to think about it.

─── BELPHEGOR

Belphie assumes that drinking blood would act like a stimulant, so the last thing he wants is to feed from you. Why would he do something that makes him more energized and makes you tired in the process? (He’s not sure he can convince you to only feed him, and the idea of having to share you with the others—except for maybe Beel—is intolerable.)

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

A rant about Jedi Stans from an ex-Jedi fangirl

After some time I've had to reflect on my own behavior as well as my time in the pro Jedi fandom, I decided it's time to call this shit out. Some people take it really personal if someone criticized your favorite characters or their beliefs. Ironically, you all act more like the Sith than the Jedi with how obsessive you can be and insisting any criticism is equal to wanting genocide.

I'm going to start by saying I was in the pro jedi fandom for a few months. Truth be told, I was using it as an outlet for some of my anger issues with my hate towards Anakin, seeing him as similar to a lot of people I've had to deal with. Some of it was wanting more followers and fear of being disliked by the majority. I would pick fights with Anakin fans and was a bit of an asshole and I apologize for that. I still don't like him but no longer HATE him. Seeing how fandoms treat abuse victims who aren't perfect angels like Shinji Ikari or Lapis Lazuli has caused me to loosen up a bit. Many Jedi stans would probably hate those characters for not being “perfect” victims. In retrospect, this wasn't a good community for me. It was very puritanical and I often felt like I was wrong for enjoying media that went against the beliefs Jedi Stans put on a pedestal. Three of my favorite ships (Madohomu, Reishin and Hodaka x Hina) involve "burning the world for one person" and I felt like I couldn't talk about them without being a hypocrite. That and me agreeing less and less with Luca's beliefs pushed me to leave.

It's fine to enjoy a fictional character and defend them if you feel that they're being unfairly criticized. I've done it myself and have written essays defending my faves. The problem is that Jedi stans don't know when to stop. So many are quick to compare the Jedi to minority religions or marginalized groups as a shield against criticism, not recognizing how insulting that can be. Jewish, asian and aroace people are the ones normally used due to the Jedi beliefs being based off Eastern religions as well as Judaism as well as some aroace people identifying with the Jedi.

One thing I noticed about Jedi stans is their similarities to Jumblr which is full of religious chauvinism reworded to sound progressive. Many of them talk about how the Jedi shouldn't have to change their traditions with the times or to accommodate a few individuals like Anakin or Ahsoka. This can be similar to how a lot of people are quick to defend minority religions from outside criticism based on how they were treated by Christian colonists or missionaries. The problem is that this can veer right into ableist or queerphobic territory. You know who else believe that their religion shouldn't have to change with the times to accommodate people? Conservative Christians who hate being told to be affirming of LGBTQ people. Also, schools and parents/guardians do have a responsibility to accommodate kids with disabilities, mental health issues or trauma, even if it may be inconvenient or force you to bend the rules. Claiming they need to just suck it up is honestly disgusting.

This was all a big reason for why I left this garbage pit of a fandom. While there are some who hate the Jedi because they stan the empire or think people need 50s nuclear families to live fulfilling lives, not everyone does that. Believe it or not, some people have faced abuse and bigotry under Judaism and Buddhism. People can also criticize how Lucas presented their beliefs as some Buddhists think he didn't do a good job. Libsoftiktok is a vile transphobe, an Orthodox Jew and her beliefs are said to be fairly common in her community. Many people of color identify with the clones and dislike how even the nicer Jedi treated them. When Obi Wan told Anakin, "It's okay to have romantic feelings, but you must let them pass," that hits different for queer people who have been told similar things from "polite" homophobes. Some queer people do choose celibacy like Side B christians which is fine as long as they don't treat it as a moral failure to want a relationship. There are many neurodivergent people who don't like the Jedi beliefs as they hit close to home. Lucas may have not intended to come off as ableist but the Jedi did with their beliefs about negative emotions. To some people, platitudes like "just let go" aren't helpful and treating it as bad for not living up to those principles is gross.

I deleted the post, but a while back I made a post asking a popular pro jedi blogger their views on adoption since they claimed Anakin not viewing the Jedi as his "found family" was a moral failure. I found their response to be tone deaf and insulting. I responded in a decent way of course, but felt a bit judged and unhappy for wanting to know my birth mother. Adoptees are another set of people this fandom is insensitive and gross to. The Kenobi series I find insulting for that reason too, having Leia be a foil for Anakin and Obi Wan romanticize his recruitment as a child.

Jedi fans are also shitty to those with religious trauma and who faced abuse. Accusing anyone who criticizes the Jedi of projecting their issues with Christianity while simultaneously talking like conservatives as shown above. Tumblr in general has a weird habit of treating religion as if it’s either conservative evangelicalism, liberal reform Judaism and some vague pagan or eastern spirituality with little nuance. Some Jedi stans really come from a place of privilege. Claiming "they can just leave" is insulting to real religious abuse survivors who were raised with harmful beliefs like creationism or homophobia. I'm no antitheist but treating non christian religion as inherently progressive dismisses a lot of people's experiences.

Let's be real, the writing in this franchise was always a bit sloppy. Lucas's issue was wanting to simultaneously create both a black-and-white morality tale for kids based on the fairy tales and serials he grew up and a deep socio-political commentary about the Vietnam and Iraq wars which required some morally grey themes. Thus, along with his terrible dialogue that made the characters seem unlikable, is why the fandom is so divided over whether he intended people to agree with the prequel Jedi.

To wrap this up, I found the pro jedi fandom to be a terrible experience. It was a mix of faux progressivism mixed with fear of judgement for disagreeing. I ended up editing a post I made, and eventually deleted, comparing Yoda with Garnet from SU because I included a tiny bit of criticism and didn't want to get backlash. As long as it’s not gross or bigoted criticism of your favorite characters isn't the end of the world. People don't have to like George Lucas or his beliefs and put them on a pedestal. I feel like the fandom's worship of George comes in response to OT purists who claimed he "raped their childhoods" but there's fair criticism to be made. Just like how not everyone who criticizes Disney SW or any Disney media in general is an "anti woke" grifter. To the pro jedi fans reading this, here's a suggestion. Just block and ignore people, write an essay if you feel it's important, but don't act like an entitled bully if a blog or even a SW writer disagrees with the Jedi, interprets the story differently or criticizes your favorite characters.

[kingofbodyrolls]

Friendcation (m) | myg | four

It’s the last weeks of the vacation being just you and Yoongi, and you’re going to savor every last bit of it. You do some hiking, relaxing and discover new sides to yourself that you didn’t know existed.

→ Pairing: Yoongi x reader (female) → Other characters: Jimin, Jungkook, Taehyung, Namjoon, Hoseok and Seokjin. → Genre/AU: best friends to friends with benefits to lovers, non idol!au, camping!au, roadtrip!au, mechanic!Yoongi, humor, slight angst, smut and fluff → Rating: mature/explicit/R18 (This is mature/explicit content, so minors, please do not interact.) → Disclaimer: I do not own BTS or know them personally and this work of fiction is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only. The actions and personalities described in the story do not reflect those of BTS— it’s just fiction. Also, if you would kindly read the tags/warnings before reading, that would be lovely: and if you don’t like whatever is described in the tags, just hit return and find something else to read. Thank you 🌸 → Status: completed! → Word Count: 17,7K (wooops!) → Warnings: smut; exhibitionism, voyeurism, period sex (period blood, but not in too much detail), period cramps, protected sex, unprotected sex, oral (male receiving), handjob, nipple/breast play. → Author’s note: I’m sorry this took longer to post than the previous chapters 🙇 And I’m currently still outlining ch 5 🫥 Moving is harder than anticipated, but we are almost completely settled in, and I began writing again yesterday, so that’s good 🙂It’s been cross posted to AO3 if you prefer to read there.

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The calendar has ticked its way to the end of August, but Mother Nature seemed to be playing a capricious game with the weather. Just when you thought the days would be getting cooler, a sweltering heat wave envelopes the surroundings, and the sun bears down with relentless intensity. It was as though the weather had a mischievous mind of its own, teasingly extending the summer season.

The unforgiving heat was taking its toll on you. Your body, once energized by the adventures of summer, now ached from the relentless rays and the humidity that clung to your skin.

Agony surges through you, and an involuntary whimper escaping your lips, “Fuck it hurts!”

Clutching your stomach, you feel utterly helpless, as if the pain has taken control of your very being. Yoongi’s concerned gaze never left your face, and you can see the worry etched in his features. 

In that moment, his presence was a balm to your suffering. He leans in closer, his hand moving to stroke your hips in a soothing, rhythmic motion. His voice, a gentle murmur, reaching your ears like a lifeline in the darkness of your pain.

“Can I do anything to help?” 

He asked, his eyes searching yours, as if willing your agony to ebb away. It was a simple question, but in that moment, it held the power to offer you some respite from the torment.

Your frustration knew no bounds as you cursed your forgetfulness. It was a recurring issue, the way your period always seemed to sneak up on you when you least expected it, catching you off guard. The fact that you had irregular periods only added to the challenge, and this time, it had left you utterly unprepared. 

In the midst of your aggravation, you realize you have forgotten to pack any pads or even tampons. Panic starts to creep in as you consider the inconvenience of the situation. It’s a moment that made you wish you had been more vigilant and prepared for this inevitable occurrence.

Your voice, tinged with frustration, anger, and the ache of cramps, sounds like a desperate plea as you confess, “I forgot to pack pads and pain meds.” 

Your words hang heavily in the air, a stark reminder of your discomfort. In that moment, his eyes soften with genuine concern. He can see the pain etched across your face, and it pains him too, knowing he can’t bear the discomfort for you. 

“I can get those for you,” he offers earnestly, his desire to help you clear in his eyes. He can’t stand to see you in such distress; it tugs at his heartstrings.

“You don’t have to, Yoongi,” you insist, your voice trembling slightly as you inhale sharply, a fresh wave of cramps seizing your body. 

Despite your attempt to maintain your independence, you can’t hide the pain in your voice. It was clear that you were struggling, and he couldn’t stand by and do nothing while you suffered. Your words are laced with concern as Yoongi gazes at you, his eyes reflecting his genuine worry. Seeing you in such pain was breaking his heart, and he wanted nothing more than to alleviate your suffering.

“I know you can do it yourself,” he begins, his voice filled with tenderness, “but please, let me take care of you, babe. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.” 

His genuine desire to help you was evident in his eyes and in the way his hand continued to gently stroke your hip in a soothing manner.

A soft smile tugs at the corners of your lips as you relent, feeling grateful for Yoongi’s caring nature. “Okay, thank you,” you whisper, realizing that sometimes, accepting help was a way to strengthen your friendship, and in this moment, it means the world to you.

With a tender nod, Yoongi steps out of the van. 

“Okay. I’ll be back in an hour or so,” he reassures you, genuine concern still etched across his features. “I hope the pain won’t get worse,” he adds softly before closing the door behind him, leaving you in the temporary solitude of Holly.

Yoongi walks to the nearest store, the warm sun beating down on him during the 20-minute stroll in the early afternoon. Upon entering, he makes a beeline for the section with sanitary products and picks up some pads. As he stands there, he wonders if you use tampons but decides against them.

Then, an idea crosses his mind. He grabs his phone and texts his sister, seeking advice on what other items would be helpful for a woman on her period.

Yoongi [15:35]: I need your help, big sis 🆘

Sis [15:37]: What do you need help with? 😏

Yoongi [15:40]: ___ is on her period, bad cramps. I’m buying her pads and meds. Should I get her something else? What do women want on their period? 🤷

Sis [15:44]: Omg. You are the sweetest! 🥹 Buy her some dark chocolate and chips, I’m sure she’ll appreciate that. I’ll swing by with dinner for you two later 😉

Yoongi swiftly collects the items his sister suggested and makes his way back to the van, a sense of urgency and care propelling his every step.

As Yoongi returns, your face lights up with a mixture of gratitude and relief as you take in the thoughtful array of items he’s brought. 

“Wow, you didn’t have to get all that, Yoongi. Thank you so much,” you exclaim with genuine appreciation, reaching eagerly for the chocolate he purchased.

Yoongi offers you the rest of the items he bought, mentioning his sister’s involvement. 

You raise an eyebrow in surprise and then burst into laughter at his confession. “You actually told her I was on my period?” you chuckle, finding the situation rather amusing. He nods, a bit apprehensive, and adds, “She’s coming by later with dinner for us.” 

You respond with a contented nod, “She’s a thoughtful sister; I wish I had one like her.” You reach for one of the packs of pads, appreciating both Yoongi’s and his sister’s considerate gestures.

You dig into one of your bags and retrieve a fresh pair of panties, relieved to replace the ones you’re currently wearing, which have become uncomfortably soaked — and definitely not with the kind of fluid you prefer.

As Yoongi’s sister arrives, the tantalizing aroma of the food nearly drives you to drool, and you can’t thank her enough for the comforting, warm meal. While you enjoy the delicious dishes in the comfort of your bed, Yoongi takes a seat outside on one of the stools.

“You know what can really help with those cramps?” Yoongi’s sister inquires, her eyes filled with genuine concern. Exhausted from the pain and with the medication not having taken effect yet, you simply shake your head without giving it much thought.

“Sex.” 

She smirks, deliberately saying it loud enough for Yoongi to overhear, then winks at you. Your face flushes crimson, because yes, you’ve considered that option. You’ve even attempted it before in your early twenties, and remember that it can get incredibly messy.

Yoongi, sitting just outside the van, lets out an audible groan. “Aish, don’t say that,” he grumbles, clearly uncomfortable with his sister’s candid remarks. Her teasing seems to have gotten under his skin.

“I’m serious. It helps!” she insists, her tone filled with confidence as she tries to emphasize her point.

“Omg, I don’t want to imagine that,” Yoongi groans again, feigning agony. “I think the pregnancy is making you... horny,” Yoongi adds with a chuckle. 

“True,” she breathes out, her chuckle playful. “But I’ve seen the way you two look at each other,” she continues, her gaze shifting from you to Yoongi. You blush and smile, while Yoongi just shrugs, a faint blush tingeing his cheeks.

“God! Something has already happened!” 

She shrieks with delight and jumps out of the van to playfully shove Yoongi on his shoulder. “Don’t mess it up, I like her,” she says with a teasing grin, her eyes warm with affection.

“I’ll leave you two alone then,” she smiles and winks at Yoongi. You catch a glimpse of him rolling his eyes at her, but it’s clear their sibling bond is filled with affectionate banter that warms your heart.

As you lie together, wrapped in his comforting embrace, his hand gently caressing your hair and resting on your tummy, your thoughts begin to race. The warmth of his body pressed against yours stirs desire within you, and your mind inevitably wanders to thoughts of intimacy with him.

With your bodies pressed closely together, you can’t help but let your desire take over. 

You subtly grind your hips against his, eliciting a low groan from him. His grip on your hip tightens as he buries his head in your neck, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine. You turn to face him, your eyes locking with his as you broach the topic of period sex.

“How do you feel about period sex, like your sister suggested?” 

You ask, searching his gaze for a sign of his willingness. He groans softly, his fingers tightening their hold on your hip. “Babe, please don’t mention my sister and sex in the same sentence,” he responds with a chuckle. “My boner will go away if you do that.”

As you press into him, you can feel his arousal growing against your back, and it sends a shiver of anticipation down your spine. 

You playfully tease him, asking for his thoughts on the matter, and he responds with affectionate reassurance. “If you think it’ll help with the pain, sure,” he murmurs, his lips brushing your neck with tenderness, “I’d never say no to you, sweetheart.”

With a mischievous smile, you express your eagerness, “It will definitely give me something else to focus on.” You continue to search his eyes, your own filled with desire, and then you turn your body fully around to face him, closing the distance between you.

Your kiss is filled with fervor, driven by the anticipation of his touch and the idea of him fucking you in a moment, despite the messiness that may follow. The intensity between you two deepens with each passing second, as you both succumb to your passionate desires.

Your fingers trace the outline of his already throbbing dick through the fabric of his sweatpants, coaxing a delicious, guttural moan to escape his lips. The sensation of his heat and hardness in your hand ignites a thrilling craving within you, intensifying the desire that courses through your veins.

With eager anticipation, you seize the waistband of his sweatpants, tugging them down along with his boxers, revealing his taut cock. It springs free, proudly standing at attention, and your eyes gleam with hunger as you wet your lips in anticipation. 

Casting his discarded garments to the floor, you then gracefully lower yourself to your knees, positioning yourself before him, ready to devour him.

His longing gaze locks onto yours, aflame with desire, and he leans in to capture your lips in a tender, yearning kiss. 

As your mouths meld together, your hand instinctively finds its way to his dick, your fingers enveloping it in a sensual caress. 

His moans of pleasure reverberate through your mouth, a symphony of desire that resonates deep within you. The intoxicating sounds he makes serve as a powerful aphrodisiac, stoking the flames of your desire.

With a few more tantalizing strokes, you draw your lips away from his, leaving a trail of burning kisses along his clothed chest and abdomen. 

Moving gracefully, you position yourself on all fours above his throbbing length, the air charged with anticipation. His eyes are locked on you, dark with desire, his breaths growing more ragged with each passing second.

You gaze up at him, your sultry eyes locking onto his, a mischievous glint dancing within them. 

“You know,” you purr, your voice dripping with desire, “you have a very beautiful dick.” 

You tease him, letting your tongue playfully out between your lips. Your warm, wet tongue glides sensually from the base of his pulsating cock to the very tip, capturing the glistening bead of precum that had formed there. 

The taste and sensation of your tongue against his sensitive flesh sends shivers of pleasure sourcing through his body, and a low, guttural moan escapes his lips. 

He inhales sharply, a hiss escaping his lips, as you continue to tease and tantalize his dick with your skilled tongue. 

His head falls back slightly, his eyes squeezed shut, and his grip on the bed sheets tightens. A deep, sultry moan reverberates through the van, filling the air with the heady scent of desire and lust. 

Your every movement sends waves of pleasure coursing through him, and he’s utterly captivated by the sensations you’re evoking.

You continue to work your magic, your mouth finally enveloping him with a voracious hunger that leaves him trembling. 

His fingers tangle in your hair, a mixture of gentle guidance and unbridled passion, as he can’t help but lose himself in the exquisite sensations coursing through him. Every wet, sultry suck sends waves of pleasure rippling down his spine, and he finds himself already teetering on the edge. 

His breath hitches, his hips instinctively shifting to meet your mouth, as he moans your name in a fervent plea for more.

As you maintain your relentless rhythm, the urgency in the van heightens. Your hand expertly complements the actions of your mouth, ensuring that no inch of his dick goes unattended. You can feel his breath hitching, his muscles tensing beneath your touch. 

The way his head falls back, exposing the long line of his throat, his half-lidded eyes, lost in a daze of pure pleasure, and the soft sinful sounds escaping his lips fuel your determination to bring him all the pleasure you can. 

It spurs you on, and you relax your throat, as you go all the way down, taking as much of him into your mouth as you can. Then you hold still and breathe in through your nose, as you hollow your cheeks. 

“Fuck,” Yoongi moans as he closes his eyes for a moment.

Once more, you go back up, and down again, your movement in rhythm with the slurping noises that fill the van. As the intoxicating sounds envelop you, you can feel a flood of arousal pooling between your legs, your initial cramps now a distant memory.

Saliva glistens at the corner of your mouth, tracing a sensual path down his shaft to his balls. Yoongi’s gentle hand cups your cheek, his voice a passionate whisper, “You’re doing perfectly, babe,” he confesses, his desire palpable. 

“But I’m close, I want to fuck you now.” His touch tenderly lifts your face to his, claiming your lips in a fervent kiss, the taste of himself evident.

With a smoldering intensity still in your eyes, you gasp for breath, your voice a sultry whisper, “Do you have any dark towels?” Yoongi nods, his understanding swift as he retrieves a stack of dark towels and a packet of condoms from one of the cabinets, anticipation lingering thick in the air. 

With a silent and fervent agreement, Yoongi gestures for you to shift, giving him space to prepare. He deftly lays one of the dark towels on the bed, his movements quick and precise, while he casually tosses the other one within arm’s reach.

“Come here,” his voice is a seductive murmur, and his lips capture yours once more. 

“Let me ease your pain.” 

His breathy words send shivers down your spine, igniting an irresistible craving that drowns out any trace of discomfort.

With every piece of clothing that falls to the floor, the anticipation in the van builds like a crescendo. He undresses you slowly, savoring the unveiling of your body, and his gaze, filled with raw desire, leaves no doubt about his intentions. 

As he sheds his own shirt and gently lowers you onto the towel, the air becomes electric with the promise of what’s to come.

With your legs gently parted, he admires the intimate canvas before him, his voice a sultry whisper as he caresses your quivering thighs. “You’re absolutely breathtaking,” he murmurs, his words igniting a fiery desire that courses through your veins, intensifying the anticipation of his touch.

He wraps his fingers around his cock, teasing it a few times before skillfully unrolling the condom onto it.  

As he prods at your entrance, a tantalizing mix of pleasure and pain courses through you, intensifying the sensation as he gradually inches deeper inside. 

Your slickness acts as a natural lubricant, allowing him to slip into you with an arousing ease that leaves you gasping for more. The stretching sensation, though initially intense, begins to meld into a delicious ache that only adds to the growing desire pulsating between you.

He finally reaches the hilt, and you can’t help but release a guttural moan. 

“Fuck,” you whimper, your voice a sultry mix of pleasure and vulnerability, “I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to your girth. You’re stretching me so good,” you admit, locking eyes with him and gripping his arms tightly, your nails digging into his skin as you savor the exquisite sensation of being completely filled by him.

“You’re taking me so damn well, babe,” he breathes, his voice thick with desire, as he starts to move inside you at an agonizingly slow pace. Every deliberate, languid thrust sends waves of pleasure coursing through your body, making you ache for more, even as you savor the intensity of the sensation.

He withdraws, the sensation of emptiness leaving you yearning for more, and then he pushes back in, each deliberate thrust sending ripples of pleasure coursing through your body. 

You can feel him everywhere - deep within your core and the firm grip of his hands on your hips, guiding every electrifying moment.

You find yourself in a blissful haze, caught between drowsiness and intoxication as he maintains the unhurried rhythm. Every movement is tender, every touch is deliberate, and he seems acutely attuned to the signals your body is sending. 

It doesn’t feel like just sex; it feels like a passionate declaration of love, an intimate connection that leaves you utterly enraptured.

“Does it feel good, babe?” 

He murmurs, his voice a sensual melody that resonates with your desires. As he pushes himself inside once more, he searches for that sweet spot, and when he finally finds it, he teases and tantalizes it with a rhythmic precision that sends electric waves of pleasure coursing through your body.

Each deliberate thrust is a symphony of ecstasy, and you can’t help but moan in response, your voice a harmonious duet with his.

“Yes.” 

You pant, your voice trembling with desire as you instinctively move your legs further up his body, resting them on his shoulders. 

With this new angle, he penetrates even deeper, hitting that perfect spot that sends bolts of pleasure racing through you like wildfire. Your arousal surges, a fierce and intoxication wave that threatens to drown you in the sea of ecstasy building within your core. 

As he continues to make love to you with a tender passion, a rush of emotions courses through you, overwhelming your senses. 

The way he moves within you, so gentle and caring, fills your heart with an intense and intoxicating love. It’s a feeling you’ve never experienced before, as if you’re floating on a cloud of affection and desire. 

In this moment you realize, no one has ever connected with you so deeply and lovingly before, and it leaves you feeling like you’re soaring, intoxicated not just by pleasure, but by the love you have for him.

As your body responds to his every touch and movement, Yoongi can feel your walls contracting around him, a sure sign that you’re getting closer to the edge. 

His experienced hands explore your body, finding one of your breasts and teasing your nipple until it hardens beneath his touch. Simultaneously, his other hand ventures lower, tracing a path to your core where he discovers your sensitive clit. 

With deliberate and sensual movements, he begins to rub it in slow, teasing circles, intensifying your pleasure and bringing you closer to the brink of ecstasy.

The moment Yoongi’s fingertips make contact with your sensitive area, it’s as if an electric current surges through your body, setting your nerve endings on fire. 

Your reaction is immediate and intense - your back arches instinctively, yearning for more of his electrifying touch. Each sensation he evokes heightens your desire, propelling you further down the path of unbridled pleasure.

As Yoongi continues to make love with deliberate slowness, his skillful touch ignites an intense longing within you. The combined sensations of his gentle thrusts, the delightful pinching of your nipple, and the rhythmic caresses of your clitoris send you hurtling towards an inevitable climax. 

Unable to contain yourself, you cry out his name, your voice filled with ecstasy as your orgasm consumes you. Your body quivers with pleasure, your inner walls contracting in waves, your abdomen tightening, and your vision briefly obscured by the brilliant burst of light that dances behind your closed eyelids.

As your orgasm washes over you, Yoongi can’t help but be captivated by your exquisite display of pleasure. 

He revels in the sight of your trembling lips, your flushed and contoured cheeks, and the mesmerizing motion of your breasts, which sway with each of his deliberate thrusts. While you ride out the waves of your orgasm, he continues to thrust into you, his own pleasure building as he relentlessly pursues his release, his eyes locked onto your euphoric expression.

He maintains his deliberate pace, keeping his thrusts slow and deep, savoring every moment. 

As you slowly descend from the euphoria of your orgasm, Yoongi leans down to capture your lips in a passionate and tender kiss. Your moans and pants mix with the soft sounds of your kisses as he continues to move inside you.

As your throbbing pussy continues to clench around him, Yoongi’s hips twitch involuntarily and he can’t hold back any longer. 

With one last, deep, and passionate thrust, he releases, filling the condom with his seed. His voice joins yours in a harmonious crescendo of pleasure as he moans your name, the intensity of the moment making it feel like time itself has come to a standstill.

As the waves of ecstasy subside, Yoongi’s ragged breaths gradually calm. 

He carefully withdraws from your pussy, tying off the used condom and discarding it in the sink. His eyes then trace the contours of your flushed, sated form, watching as your chest rises and falls with each recovering breath. 

Gently, he reaches out to stroke your cheek, the soft caress sending shivers down your spine. His fingers weave through your tousled hair, and he lowers his head to place tender, lingering kisses on your neck, leaving behind a few love marks as a reminder of your passionate love making.

“Yoongi, that was…” 

You exhale, struggling to find the right words to convey the intensity of the experience, “perfect,” you finally manage to sum up, your voice laced with contentment and admiration. His laughter dances in the air, a light, melodic sound that fills the space between you, and he places another soft, adoring kiss on your neck in response.

“Anything for you, babe.” 

He says with a warm smile, his eyes filled with affection as he reaches for the towel beside your head. Carefully, he begins to clean you up between your legs, his gentle touch offering both comfort and reassurance. 

You can feel the relief as he clears away the pooled fluids, easing the slight discomfort that lingered. Afterward, he tosses the used towel to the sink, intending to clean it later, and then he finds your panties, placing them back on you, making sure a fresh pad is in place. 

“Thank you, Yoon,” you murmur, your lips finding his in another passionate kiss. 

You draw him closer to you, your bodies molding together as you continue to exchange affectionate kisses. “I think it helped with the pain, it doesn’t feel so bad anymore,” you add, your voice laced with the drowsiness of contentment. 

As the soothing afterglow washes over you, fatigue begins to claim your senses. Yoongi hums in appreciation, his heart warmed by the knowledge that he could offer you some relief from the pain that had troubled you. 

Yoongi retrieves his boxers, slipping them on, and then gently spoons you from behind. His warm hand finds its place on your stomach, providing a sense of comfort and security. 

As he pulls the duvet over both of you, cocooning you in its warmth, you share an intimate moment of connection before succumbing to the embrace of sleep. The night’s passion has deepened your bond, and now, wrapped in each other’s arms, you drift off to dreamland, where your hearts continue to beat in perfect harmony.

The next day, a sense of relief washes over you as the cramps have eased up a bit. 

Still, Yoongi suggests a day of relaxation, cocooned in the comforting warmth of blankets and each other’s presence. You gladly accept his proposal, and the two of you settle into a cozy nook. 

The soft glow of the laptop screen casts a warm, intimate light across the room, painting everything in a gentle, cinematic hue. As you snuggle up to Yoongi, his arms wrapped around you, you can feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against your back. 

With each passing minute, the world outside fades away, leaving just the two of you in this tranquil bubble of shared solitude.

As you both nestle in the warmth of your shared bed, a sense of nostalgia washes over you, prompting a heartfelt conversation about the serendipitous moment that brought you together.

10 years ago

A decade ago, the tapestry of your life bore a different pattern. 

The memory takes you back to a moonlit night when you were navigating the winding roads into Seoul. Your car, a loyal companion until that point, suddenly rebelled with an ominous sound, convulsing like a wounded creature before coming to a lifeless halt. 

Panic surged through your veins as you clutched your phone, dialing the number of your best friend, Jimin, in desperate hope of salvation. 

In hindsight, the absence of roadside assistance on your insurance plan now seemed like a glaring oversight. Inexplicably, Jimin’s response to your predicament was a burst of laughter, an outpouring of mirth that mingled with your frustration and fury. 

He casually mentioned that he knew someone who could help—a mechanic and one of his closest friends. Before disconnecting to make the necessary arrangements, he offered a cryptic piece of advice: "Be nice to him when he arrives." 

Though you couldn’t see his face through the phone, you rolled your eyes instinctively, as if he could somehow perceive your exasperation.

After a seemingly interminable hour of waiting, your irritation had grown into a simmering fury, matched only by the biting cold that had begun to gnaw at you. 

When Yoongi finally arrived, his weary smile greeted you, but your impatience was palpable in your eyes and your curt greeting. You wasted no time in describing the odd sequence of events that had led to your car’s demise—the strange sounds, the unsettling shaking, and the ultimate breakdown. 

Arms crossed beneath your chest, you impatiently tapped your foot on the frozen ground. With a sly grin, Yoongi teasingly asked if you had an urgent appointment, to which you replied with a petulant shake of your head, your only desire being to swiftly resolve the situation and return home to warmth.

As he popped the hood open and began tinkering with the engine, you couldn’t help but steal glances at him. 

He sported army-green cargo pants paired with a once-white t-shirt, though now it bore the unmistakable signs of his labor—stains of grease and oil littering its surface. His short, bleached-blond hair framed a weary but softly attractive face, one that appeared as though it hadn’t experienced a good night’s sleep in ages. His brawny, well-defined biceps flexed with each maneuver, and you found yourself admiring his physique, secretly deeming him quite attractive. 

In another universe, where he didn’t exude indifference and annoyance, you might have mustered the courage to ask him out. 

Ultimately, while he couldn’t perform a miraculous on-the-spot repair, he assured you that a colleague from his garage could tow your car, offering to personally drive you back home. 

You hadn’t anticipated his offer but accepted it nonetheless. The ride back to your home was mostly shrouded in silence, save for the occasional question about how you knew Jimin. 

You explained that you had met Jimin in college, and then an uncomfortable silence settled in the car. The irritation seemed to hang in the air; you couldn’t quite pinpoint whether it was his demeanor that rubbed you the wrong way or if it was simply the cumulative frustration from the terrible day you had endured.

Laughter bubbles up between you as you fondly reminisce about that night. 

“You seemed so cold and like helping me was the last thing you wanted to do,” you recall with a grin, and Yoongi chuckles in agreement. 

“Well, you weren’t any better; you seemed so angry and stuck up,” he playfully teases, which only makes you laugh even harder. 

“My car had just died, and I was freezing!” you retort with a grin, both of you sharing in the joy of that humorous memory.

“Thankfully, you fixed my car a few days later,” you reflect, a warm smile on your face, “and we began to hang out with Jimin.” You find yourself lost in the memories of those early days, where you discovered that Yoongi was not just a skilled mechanic but also a sweet and caring man who deeply valued his friendships and the people around him.

You linger in Daegu for an extra day, savoring the moments, before embarking on a scenic drive to a remote campsite nestled near Juwangsan National Park.

As you cruise along, a faint, unfamiliar noise emanates from Holly’s depths, causing a hint of concern to creep into your mind. You decide to bring it up with Yoongi, but his ears don’t catch the same odd sound. 

He reassures you that everything is likely okay, promising to address any issues should they arise. With his calming words, you ease back into the journey, albeit with a lingering curiosity about Holly’s mysterious hum.

After hours of anticipation, you finally arrive at the tranquil campsite. 

The midday sun filters through the foliage as Yoongi deftly parks the Holly beside towering, lush trees. Together, you unfold the marquee, arranging it to create a cozy shelter from nature’s elements. 

With care, you set up the stools and arrange them around a makeshift table, making the campsite feel more like a home away from home. The aroma of the surrounding wilderness invigorates your senses, and you can’t help but smile as you reminisce about the delicious meal Yoongi had prepared the day before. 

With excitement, you retrieve some cold beers from the cooler, their refreshing chill a perfect contrast to the warm, sun-kissed air. Alongside the beverages, you bring out the leftover food, a testament to Yoongi’s culinary skills that continue to amaze you.

 The aroma of the meal wafts through the air, tantalizing your taste buds and setting the scene for a perfect day in the great outdoors.

As you sit down to savor your meal, the anticipation for the adventures awaiting you in the national park fills the air. Your conversation turns to the exciting possibilities, and you both discuss the sights and trails you hope to explore. 

“I think we’re going to be doing a lot of hiking these next days,” Yoongi’s laughter punctuates the conversation, a reflection of the carefree spirit that camping in the wilderness has brought out in both of you. 

Between bites of food and sips of beer, you share your aspirations for the upcoming days, fully aware that the rugged terrain and challenging hikes will be both physically demanding and incredibly rewarding. 

The midday sun casts a warm glow on your surroundings, making it feel like a special occasion as you enjoy a beer at this unconventional hour.

With a hint of amusement in your voice, you add, “Yeah, I think it’ll be good. We’ve been enjoying some downtime in bed for the past few days.” The memory of both your cramps and  intimate moments and shared pleasures flashes in your eyes as you exchange glances with Yoongi. 

“I didn’t think you’d be up for anything active with your cramps,” he pouted in mock defense, and you playfully shoved his shoulder. “It was good, Yoon. But staying active helps too, and thankfully, I think I’m on my last day,” you almost sing-song, frustration and relief mingling in your voice as you express your disdain for your period—both the flow and the cramps.

You lean into Yoongi’s shoulder, a soft smile on your face. 

“Thank you,” you nudge him playfully with your shoulder against his. “For taking care of me and doing all that. You’re sweet. And you’re spoiling me,” you giggle, your fingers caressing his arm fondly.

“Anything for you, babe,” he says, his voice filled with warmth, and then leans in to kiss you tenderly, sealing your gratitude with a loving embrace.

Before dinner, you decide to embark on a short hiking trail, driven by the curiosity of discovering a hidden gem like a serene river or a picturesque waterfall. You navigate the winding path for about an hour, your anticipation growing with each step. 

Finally, the sound of cascading water reaches your ears, and as you turn a bend, you’re greeted by the breathtaking sight of a small, pristine waterfall – a tranquil oasis amidst the wilderness that leaves you utterly captivated.

You and Yoongi stand there in awe, gazing at the waterfall in a moment of shared wonder. 

The rushing water sparkles in the dappled sunlight, its beauty almost otherworldly. You’re both so captivated by the scene that you decide to capture it in photographs, creating lasting memories of this enchanting moment. 

With your camera, you frame shots of the waterfall: some with both of you, others with just the magnificent natural wonder as the backdrop. 

And, unable to resist the romantic atmosphere, you steal a sweet kiss, freezing that affectionate moment in time through the lens.

Surrounded by a sea of tourists, you and Yoongi remain in your own world, oblivious to the curious onlookers. It’s as if time has slowed down, and nothing else matters except the beauty of the waterfall and the warmth of each other’s presence. You exchange loving glances and share soft laughter, creating a bubble of serenity in the midst of the bustling crowd. 

The world may be watching, but right now, all that truly exists is the magic between you two.

As the sun begins its descent and the sky transforms into a canvas of warm hues, you and Yoongi make your way back to the campsite. The crackling campfire comes to life under his skillful hands, casting a flickering glow over your evening. 

The tantalizing aroma of dinner cooking wafts through the air, making your stomach growl in anticipation. The two of you settle by the fire, and Yoongi takes charge of preparing a delicious meal.

While he tends to the food, you decide to share a glimpse of your day with your friends. 

Your fingers dance across your phone screen as you select the perfect photo of you and Yoongi beside the captivating waterfall (not the one with you kissing!). It’s a moment of pure joy captured in pixels, the smiles on your faces telling a story of love and adventure. 

With a tap, you send the photo to your group chat, allowing your friends to share in your happiness, even from afar.

Jungkook [18:05]: That’s a pretty waterfall! You’re pretty too ___ 😀

Yoongi [18:07]: What about me? 🤔 

Taehyung [18:10]: Nah, you look like something the cat dragged in 😂

Seokjin [18:11]: 🤣🤣🤣

Yoongi [18:13]: That was totally uncalled for…

Namjoon [18:13]: But you asked 😆

Jimin [18:14]: Is that a hickey on your neck, ___? 😚

Hoseok [18:15]: It totally is, I had to zoom in 🤣

Jungkook [18:18]: Maybe her sleep moaning finally got to be enough for hyung and they slept together!

Taehyung [18:19]: I think you’re onto something, Kookie! 🧐

You [18:21]: No! Nothing has happened! 🙄

Hoseok [18:21]: What is this about ___ sleep moaning??? 😳

You [18:22]: We’re not gonna talk about that! 😤

Jungkook [18:22]: Buy some earplugs, just saying 😇

You [18:22]: Kook! 👿

Jimin [18:26]: You can keep telling us nothing happened, but the hickey speaks for itself. 😇

Jimin [18:26]: Congratulations both 🎉 I’m glad you finally get some quality dick, ___. Hyung, be good to her 🙂

Jungkook [18:28]: I’m so happy that my part of the vacation is over, imagine sleeping in the top bunk of the van now 🫣💀

Yoongi [18:33]: We won’t do it with one of you sleeping right above us, relax 🙄

Jimin [18:34]: 👏👏👏

Jimin [18:34]: You know that Holly isn’t soundproof, right? I could still hear you from our tent 🙃

Yoongi [18:39]: Maybe it’s a good idea to buy earplugs then 😏

Namjoon [18:40]: 😳

With a chuckle and a shake of your head, you decide it’s time to give your phone a break. 

Your friends in the group chat have already bombarded you with teasing messages, and you can practically hear their laughter through the screen. 

You put down your phone, relishing the feeling of being unplugged from the virtual world and fully immersed in the real one – a cozy campfire, a delicious meal, and the warm company of Yoongi.

As you join Yoongi by the campfire, the aroma of the cooking dinner filling the air, you can’t help but grumble in frustration as your phone continues to buzz with messages from your friends. 

With a dramatic sigh, you pull out your phone, the group chat still alive and buzzing with cheeky comments. You glance at the screen, reading words like ‘earplugs,’ ‘moaning,’ ‘about time,’ and ‘dick,’ causing a mix of embarrassment and amusement to wash over you.

“Why did you have to tell them?” 

You groan, clearly flustered by their teasing. You look at Yoongi, hoping for some sympathy or perhaps an explanation for your current predicament.

“They were going to find out sooner or later anyway. And I think Jimin had a hunch,” he laughs, his shoulders shrugging nonchalantly. His laughter is infectious, and you can’t help but join in, realizing that there’s no escaping the playful banter of your friends.

You set your phone aside, deciding to embrace the teasing and enjoy the moment with Yoongi, who seems to take it all in stride. 

The campfire crackles, and the two of you share a knowing glance, finding comfort in each other’s company amidst the good-natured ribbing from your friends.

As you settle down on your stools and start to savor the meal Yoongi has prepared, the ambiance around the campfire becomes serene. The crackling of the fire provides a soothing background melody, and the surrounding forest exudes a sense of tranquility. 

The two of you share stories and anecdotes, your laughter filling the air as you recount the adventures you’ve had together. The flickering firelight casts playful shadows on your faces, accentuating the intimate atmosphere. 

As you take bites of the delicious meal, you exchange glances, each bite strengthening the bond between you. Underneath the starlit sky, you find yourselves lost in each other’s conversation and the warmth of the campfire, cherishing these moments of togetherness in the heart of nature.

The following morning, long before the sun had a chance to paint the sky with its golden hues, you were already a flurry of activity. 

The anticipation of witnessing the magic of a sunrise from atop the mountain has stirred something deep within you, an irresistible call to adventure that you can’t ignore. In the gentle pre-dawn light, you sit down with Yoongi to a humble breakfast of yesterday’s leftovers, savoring the flavors that still linger from your campfire-cooked dinner. 

Each bite is a reminder of the simple joys that nature and Yoongi’s company bestows upon you.

After nourishing your bodies, you donn your hiking gear. The familiar weight of your backpack, filled with essentials for the journey ahead, settling comfortably on your shoulders. The laces of your sturdy hiking boots are expertly tied, ready to carry you to new heights.

Outside, the air hangs heavy, draped in a delicate shroud of mist that clings to the trees like a whispering secret. It’s as though the forest has donned a mystical cloak, transforming the ordinary woods into an enchanted realm from a fairy tale. 

As you and Yoongi venture deeper into this ethereal landscape, the fog paints the world with an otherworldly charm. The trees, their gnarled branches reaching for the heavens, looms like ancient sentinels guarding the secrets of the woods. 

Each step you take stirs the damp earth beneath your boots, releasing the intoxicating aroma of dew-kissed leaves and rich, fertile soil.

Your journey commences with each step, retracing the familiar path that led past the captivating waterfall you had encountered the day before. The sound of rushing water serenades you, its glistening cascade illuminated by the subtle hues of twilight. It’s as if nature itself had prepared a prelude for the grand spectacle to come.

As you venture higher into the mountain’s embrace, a gentle ascent that mirrors your anticipation, the world around you begins to transform. 

The inky darkness of night slowly relinquishes its hold, granting way to the soft, ephemeral blush of dawn. The sky, painted in a canvas of purples and blues, seems to acknowledge the imminent arrival of the sun. In the east, a delicate orange ember emerges on the horizon, a harbinger of the magnificent sunrise that awaits you. 

The very fabric of the sky begins to shift, transforming from the tranquil coolness of night into the vibrant warmth of morning. It is a slow and deliberate metamorphosis, nature’s own symphony of colors and light, playing out just for you.

A serene clearing emerges beneath the canopy of the forest, a natural amphitheater carved by the hand of time itself. While it isn’t the highest point of your journey, it offers a vantage point that feels like an exclusive front-row seat to one the cosmos’ most exquisite performances. 

Here, you decide to pause, the world around you falling into hushed reverence for the celestial spectacle about to unfold. The very essence of the morning seems to gather around this sacred spot, as if nature had designed it solely for moments like these.

As you settle down amidst the tranquil embrace of the clearing, your senses seem to sharpen, attuned to the subtle symphony of nature. The forest around you was still, each leaf holding its breath in anticipation. The air carries the earthy scent of dew-kissed leaves, the morning’s first breath imbued with the promise of a new day.

The horizon is a canvas of vibrant hues, a masterpiece of oranges and pinks intermingling with the last vestiges of the night’s indigo. The sun, still an unassuming ember, hovers just below the edge of the world, poised to set the sky ablaze with its radiance.

The sun, casting its golden hues over the world, paints an ethereal dance on Yoongi’s skin. Each ray of sunlight, as if with intention, traces the contours of his face, highlighting the exquisite features that have captured your heart. His skin, kissed by the gentle warmth of the morning sun, seem to glow from within, emanating a natural radiance that defies explanation. The dappled shadows play along the edges of his features, accentuating the depth of his gaze, the curve of his lips, and the line of his jaw.

As you hold his hand, fingers entwine in a silent testament to your bond, you marvel at how he transforms in this soft morning light. His eyes, those windows to his soul, hold a quiet wisdom that transcends words. They cradle the promise of new beginnings, just like the rising sun.

You nestle your head against the crook of Yoongi’s neck, your cheek pressing tenderly against his skin, as if seeking refuge in the warmth of his embrace. A contented sigh escapes your lips, carrying with it the weight of your feelings, heavy with love and adoration.

Your voice, soft and intimate, is a gentle caress, lacing every word with the depth of your emotions. 

“This is nice,” you whisper, the words carrying the essence of the moment—a moment where time stands still, and all that matters is the two of you, entwined in the beauty of the sunrise. His response is a silent affirmation of your sentiment, “It really is.” 

Yoongi’s fingers interlock with yours again, a tangible link that mirrors the bond of your hearts. There’s no need for elaborate declarations or grand gestures; the simplicity of this experience is enough to convey the depth of your love.

You remain in that tranquil embrace for what feels like an eternity, though it is a mere thirty minutes that passes—the very same amount of time it takes for the sun to complete its mesmerizing ascent. As the golden orb inches higher into the sky, painting the world with hues of orange and pink, you’re enveloped by an overwhelming sense of contentment.

“Ah, sorry,” a soft, apologetic voice intrudes upon your reverie, drawing your attention away from the captivating sunrise. Startled by the interruption, you turn to find a passerby, their presence briefly disrupting the cocoon of intimacy you and Yoongi have created.

Breaking the spell, you rise from your serene perch, extending a hand towards Yoongi as you seek to regain the moment’s magic. He accepts your invitation with a nod, understanding your unspoken desire to continue your adventure. Together, hand in hand, you decide to venture further up the trail, in pursuit of new vistas.

In tandem you embark on your ascent up the mountain trail, the path gradually becoming steeper and more challenging. As the elevation increases, so do the physical demands of the hike, leaving you both breathless and perspiring. Each step is a testament to your determination and shared commitment to reaching new heights.

The mountain’s relentless climb seems to conspire against you, testing your endurance and resilience. The air grows thinner, and the weight of the ascent bares down on your chests, making each inhalation feel like a battle against gravity itself. Yet, you press on, fueled by the promise of a breathtaking view awaiting you at the peak.

“We should take a break,” Yoongi suggests, his voice tinged with a hint of laughter as he gently pulls you away from the challenging mountain trail and into the soothing embrace of the forest. 

Despite your determination, the physical strain of the ascent has left you panting and gasping for breath. “You’re a panting and groaning mess,” he says, as you follow him willingly, your face displaying a playful pout behind his back.

In the heart of the forest, surrounded by the tranquil sounds of nature, you find respite from the relentless climb. The cool shade of the trees provides a much-needed refuge from the sun’s unforgiving rays. As you settle down, you can't help but admire how Yoongi’s eyes sparkle with amusement, and you share a knowing smile, appreciating the momentary escape from the strenuous hike.

“And you’re turning me on.”

Yoongi confesses with a mischievous glint in his eyes, as he playfully pushes you up against a tree. 

You can’t help but burst into laughter, utterly bewildered by his comment. 

“How the heck can I be turning you on? We’re just walking!” you exclaim, your amusement clear, but you wince slightly as you rub your shoulder. The impact with the tree isn't entirely pleasant, but thankfully, your backpack absorbed most of the force.

A feral growl escapes from Yoongi’s lips as he closes the distance between you, his gaze intense and hungry. 

His tongue darts out to lick his lips, as if he’s ready to devour you whole. “First,” he huskily begins, his voice dripping with desire, “you’re panting and groaning, and it’s making me think of sex with you. Second,” he continues, his eyes never leaving yours, “your ass in those tights is nothing short of sinful.” 

He shamelessly runs his hand down your body, slowly sliding one of his legs between yours, igniting a fiery desire impossible to ignore.

Your senses are ablaze as desire courses through you, and you can’t help but wonder if he can feel the evidence of your arousal even through your tights. 

You gulp audibly, your heart racing at his word. “Babe, you’re already wet,” he says with a teasing chuckle, his voice carrying a hint of menace that sends shivers down your spine.

Before you can react, he dives in, capturing your lips with a passionate, forceful kiss. 

Your backpack straps fall to your sides, and the backpack thuds to the ground, forgotten. You moan into his mouth, your body trembling as his thigh rubs provocatively against your clothed core, stoking the flames of desire that burn within you, leaving you yearning for him in every possible way.

“Shit, Yoongi, I want you,” you confess, your voice laced with desire and urgency. But then doubt creeps in, and you hesitate, voicing your concern, “But what if someone sees us?” 

Your arousal is undeniable, but so is your fear of being caught doing something intimate in a public place.

“No one will see, and you’ll be quiet, yeah?” 

He insists, pressing his body firmly against yours, his breath hot against your ear. You gulp, your heart racing with anticipation, and nod in agreement. 

The thrill of the risk and the promise of passion in this secret nook overwhelm your senses, making it impossible to resist his advances.

“Turn around then,” he murmurs, delivering a playful slap to your ass as you obediently pivot, your front now pressed against the rough bark of the tree. 

Your breath catches in your throat as you feel the coolness of the tree against your heated skin, contrasting with the warmth building within you. 

Yoongi swiftly discards his backpack, the thug echoing through the serene forest as it hits the ground. His strong hands find your hips, fingers gripping firmly as he grinds his already hard dick against your ass. The sensation sends a shiver of desire coursing through your body, and you arch your back, craving more of his touch.

“Do you have a condom?” you ask him in between pants.

“No,” he breaths, “did you pack some by chance?” he asks you back, slightly frustrated.

“It’s not exactly standard hiking gear,” you quip between gasps and laughter, your excitement mingling with the absurdity of the situation.

Yoongi chuckles too, a mix of amusement and frustration. 

“Don’t men carry condoms in their wallets?” 

You joke, but it falls flat as Yoongi grunts, “Not everybody does,” he remarks, frustrated as he still feels so aroused and he just wants you now. He’s thinking about fucking you raw, and just the thought alone arouses him so damn much.

“Fuck,” he says as he runs a hand through his long black hair in frustration. “I’m clean, are you?” he asks with a strain to his voice, like it’s taking all of him to hold back.

“Yeah. So what are you waiting for?” 

Your words are laced with anticipation and desire as you surrender to the intensity of the moment, ready to give in to the forbidden thrill of your passionate rendezvous in the secluded forest.

Yoongi doesn’t have to be told twice and he immediately gets to work, tugging his pants and boxers down, freeing his cock. 

Then he pulls your leggings down with your panties, and as his hard dick meets your bare skin, the tension between you both becomes palpable. His impatient growl reverberates through the stillness of the forest, intensifying the sense of urgency and longing that courses through your bodies.

“I’m sorry it has to be quick and without prep,” in the hushed tones of the forest, his apology carries a weight of longing and frustration, but your reassuring words fill the air with understanding and acceptance. 

As your bodies align in the dimly lit woods, the anticipation heightens. Each touch and movement sends waves of desire coursing through your bodies, igniting a fire that threatens to consume every rational thought.

He reaches a hand down between your legs and feels your wetness there and he’s thankful for it, because that means he will most likely slide right in. The last thing he wants to do is hurt you.

“Spread your legs for me.” 

The sensation of his hand on your ass sends a shiver of anticipation down your spine. His commanding yet considerate touch ignites a spark of desire as you obediently spread your legs, inviting him into the heated embrace of your longing body. 

Each movement, every whispered command, intensifies the anticipation of what’s to come.

Your heart races as you brace against the tree, your body arching in an instinctive plea for more. 

The primal tension in the air is palpable as he spreads your aching pussy and ass wide, the anticipation building with every moment. As he guides himself into your quivering core, the sensation is a heady mix of pleasure and urgency, each inch of his cock claiming you with a possessive intensity that leaves you breathless.

You grit your teeth against the initial discomfort, your breath catching in your throat. 

“I’m sorry. I promise it’ll feel better soon,” his soothing words wash over you like a balm, and you nod, your trust in him unwavering. 

As you both hold still for a moment, you feel the tension slowly ebbing away. Each measured thrust sends waves of sensation rippling through your body, transforming the initial pain into a cascade of pleasure that threatens to consume you. 

“Fuck.” 

You cling to the tree, feeling the rugged bark against your palms, grounding you in the intensity of the moment, as he is fully sheathed inside you.

“Shhh, babe,” he hushes you, “you don’t want anybody to hear us.” 

His voice is a sultry whisper, a tantalizing secret shared only between you and the wilderness that surrounds you. 

Each thrust carries the promise of ecstasy, a stolen moment of passion amidst the serene backdrop of the forest. Your hushed moans blend with the sounds of nature, a symphony of desire that sings with each rhythmic plunge, creating a delicious tension that electrifies the air.

The primal intensity of him, bare and unrestrained, sends waves of pleasure coursing through your body. Every movement, every stroke, feels like a forbidden dance in the heart of the wild, where desire meets nature’s untamed beauty. 

You bite your lip, trying to suppress the mounting sensations, but it’s a futile effort as your body betrays you with involuntary quivers and moans, blending your cries of pleasure with the rustling leaves and whispering trees around you.

“Fuck you feel incredible without a condom on.” 

He whispers in your ear and your mind is a whirlwind of ecstasy as his words send shockwaves of desire through your body. 

The feeling of him, raw and unrestrained, makes you feel more connected to him than ever before. 

You can’t help but respond, you voice a breathy symphony of pleasure, “Yoongi, don’t stop,” you moan, your nails digging into the tree bark as he continues to drive you to the brink of ecstasy. 

His words send a jolt of desire through you, igniting a fiery connection between your bodies. Your inner muscles clench around him, a natural response to the overwhelming pleasure coursing through you. The sensation is electrifying, like a current of euphoria surging through your core. His hiss of pleasure only fuels you more.

With each powerful thrust, a symphony of sensation washes over you. His primal need for you drives him deeper, igniting a wild, intoxicating connection between your bodies. 

Your grip on the tree tightens in tandem with his unrelenting pace, fingers digging into the rough bark as if anchoring yourself to the moment. 

His head rests against your neck, warm breath brushing against your skin, while his teeth gently graze your shoulder, an instinctual response to stifle his moans.

As Yoongi continues his relentless pace, the boundaries between pleasure and the outside world blur into a tantalizing haze. 

Every thrust sends shivers of ecstasy through your body, and the sensations become your entire universe. 

The wild, unbridled connection between you and him transcends the awareness of the world around you. In the back of your mind, you vaguely notice the subtle symphony of nature surrounding you – the rustling leaves and twigs breaking getting closer.

Fuck. 

Your voice trembles as you speak, the urgency of the situation sinking in. 

“Yoongi, I think somebody’s coming,” you gasp, your words barely above a whisper, but laced with fear and desire. 

The possibility of being caught adds an electrifying edge to the added arousal you feel.

“It’s probably just a squirrel,” he reassures you, his voice strained with the effort to keep his own excitement at bay. 

His relentless thrusts continue, each one driving you both closer to the edge. But in the distance, the sound of footsteps grows louder and closer, a faint but undeniable presence that sends a shiver down your spine.

Frantically, he picks up his pace even more, his hips slamming into you with a fervor matched only by the urgency of the approaching footsteps. 

Your muffled moans mix with his heavy breathing as your bodies move in unison, chasing the euphoria that hovers just beyond your reach. The tension in the air is palpable, a heady mix of desire and the fear of discovery, pushing you both to the brink.

You’re startled by a man’s voice calling out, “Anybody here? Are you alright?” 

Panic surges through you as you realize you might be caught in the act, but strangely, the thrill of being watched intensifies the sensations coursing through you body. 

Your heart pounds, and you feel your orgasm approaching like a freight train, careening toward you with unstoppable force. 

Yoongi doesn’t know if you should answer the man or not, who clearly thinks you’re in distress. He breaths against your ear all the same, “Answer him, babe. Maybe he’ll go away then.” 

His voice is laced with urgency, and he increases his pace, trying to push you both to the edge before the intruder gets any closer.

Does he really want you to speak to someone while he fucks you? You’re afraid that your unsteady voice will betray you, but you really want whoever is closing in on you to go away. So, you steady your voice and yell, “We’re fine,” in a tone that’s slightly higher than usual. The words come out rushed and strained, but you hope they’ll do the trick and make the stranger go away.

As Yoongi thrusts hard into you again, both of you teetering on the edge of climax, he whispers, “Good girl.” 

His voice is strained with desire and a hint of urgency, intensifying the sensation coursing through your body. 

The footsteps don’t retreat as you had hoped; instead, they draw even closer, sending a shiver of anxiety down your spine again. Fuck.

The fear of being discovered intensifies the sensations coursing through your body, pushing you relentlessly over the edge. Your walls tighten around Yoongi’s throbbing cock, and your vision blurs as a wave of pleasure crashes over you. 

Desperate to stifle your rising moans, you sink your teeth into your bottom lip. 

Yoongi’s release surges through him in powerful waves, and he can’t help but revel in the overwhelming pleasure. Yet, the urgency of the situation forces him to act quickly. 

He withdraws from your pulsating pussy, still throbbing with desire, and swiftly pulls up his boxers and pants. With equal haste, he helps you rearrange your clothing, his breath ragged and a mix of satisfaction and anxiety in his eyes.

“Hi, I heard weird noises,” a man stands before you, his eyes scanning your disheveled appearance and your flushed cheeks, a bead of sweat trickling down your temple. 

“I wanted to make sure that nobody was in distress,” he says with eyebrows raised in suspicion, appearing genuinely concerned. You and Yoongi exchange a brief, nervous glance, your breaths ragged and your heart races as the stranger’s piercing gaze lingers a moment too long.

The once quiet woods now hum with the echoes of your ragged breaths, a symphony of vulnerability and exhilaration. Yoongi stands beside you, attempting to regain his composure, his chest rising and falling with an uneven cadence. 

You, on the other hand, remain a quivering and panting mess, the aftermath of your orgasm still coursing through your veins. Your backpacks haphazardly discarded on the ground.

“We’re fine.” 

Yoongi eventually manages to say, his voice slightly hoarse from the unexpected interruption. The awkward silence that lingers during the stranger’s inquiries feels like an eternity, stretching time into an uncomfortable pause. As Yoongi speaks, he feels a mixture of embarrassment and relief washing over him. His earlier intense arousal begins to ebb away, replaced by a more composed state of mind.

“Are you sure?” 

The stranger directs his question to you, and your heart momentarily skips a beat. 

You hastily gather your wits, aware of the need for a convincing response. Taking a deep breath, you lock eyes with the concerned passerby. 

“Yes,” you assert, your voice trembling ever so slightly. You feel the weight of the lie as it leaves your lips, and you hope with all your might that it’s convincing enough. “This is my boyfriend – he was just pushing me too hard against the trail, and I’m in really bad shape. That’s why I’m out of breath.” 

You silently pray that your words paint a believable picture, all while Yoongi stands beside you, maintaining a façade of casual exhaustion, the intensity of the recent encounter still lingering in his eyes. The stakes are high, and the act must hold for just a little longer.

Yoongi looks at you with a mixture of astonishment and admiration, his eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitation. You can see the subtle curve of his lips, hinting at a proud and relieved smile that he tries to conceal. It’s as if he’s realizing just how quick-witted and resourceful you can be in a pinch.

To truly convince the stranger, you instinctively pull Yoongi into a tight embrace, as if seeking refuge in his arms. 

Your lips meet his in a hurried yet convincing kiss, one filled with genuine affection and a hint of urgency. As you pull away, you can’t help but feel the lingering warmth of his lips against yours, a stark contrast to the shivers coursing through your body. 

Beneath your hurried facade, you’re acutely aware of the discomfort caused by the sticky remnants of your passionate encounter. Your panties cling uncomfortably to your sensitive skin, and you can’t help but frown in concern. 

You can feel Yoongi’s cum starting to leak out of your pussy and deep down, you hope and pray that there are no visible signs of it.

The stranger regards both of you for a few more seconds, as if trying to read the truth in your eyes. 

You can feel your heart pounding in your chest, hoping that your hastily crafted lie has convinced him. Sweat beads form on your forehead, and you wonder if he can see through your facade. 

Then, with a subtle nod and a skeptical yet understanding expression, the stranger seems to accept your explanation. 

Relief washes over you, like a soothing balm to your frayed nerves. You share a glance with Yoongi, and there’s a silent exchange of gratitude and relief in your eyes.

As you and Yoongi hoist your backpacks onto your shoulders, you exchange one last polite nod with the stranger. His gaze follows you, a hint of lingering curiosity in his eyes, but he says nothing more.

With a renewed sense of urgency, you and Yoongi turn away from him, your footsteps falling in sync on the trail. The forest envelopes you once again, the trees whispering secrets and the leaves cushioning your every step.

Silence settles between you and Yoongi for a moment, but it’s a comfortable silence, laced with the knowledge of the thrilling encounter you just had. Your hearts still race, and every rustle of leaves makes you turn your head, half-expecting the stranger to reappear.

“Oh my god, that was my worst nightmare come true!” 

You exclaim, your voice hushed but filled with urgency, as you and Yoongi put some distance between yourselves and the stranger. Your heart still races, and your words tumble out in a breathless rush. 

“I can’t believe we got caught like that.” 

You glance at Yoongi, your eyes wide with a mix of embarrassment and excitement. The two of you share a quick, nervous laugh.

“Ouch, was I that bad?” Yoongi pouts in mock offense, his lips forming an adorable sulk as he glances at you. But before you can respond, he playfully nudges you with his shoulder, eliciting a soft giggle from you. His laughter mixes with yours, the tension of the moment dissipating like morning mist under the sun. 

You playfully slap him across his chest, a mischievous sparkle in your eyes. “No! You know what I mean,” you tease, your voice laced with affectionate sarcasm. “You were incredible,” you add, letting your fingers linger on his chest, tracing invisible patterns, a silent promise of more to come.

“That might have been your worst nightmare, but babe,” he says, a mischievous glint in his eyes, “I felt how your pussy clenched more as he got closer.” His teasing tone is met with a hint of a smirk as he leans in closer. Your cheeks flush even redder.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

You reply with a sly grin, your footsteps quickening as you lead the way up the trail. You look back over your shoulder, catching his eye with a playful glint. It’s a silent invitation for him to chase after you, a wordless promise of more adventures to come.

“Just admit you’re an exhibitionist at heart, babe.” 

He teases with a hearty laugh. You huff in response, but deep down, a rush of conflicting emotions surges through you. A mixture of embarrassment, excitement, and a newfound sense of liberation. It’s as though this unexpected encounter has unlocked a hidden facet of your desires, one you never knew existed.

“Also, can we talk about me being your boyfriend?” 

He asks, his gaze intense and searching, his eyes locking onto your blushing face. In the heat of the moment, you have forgotten your mishap when you spoke with the stranger, and now anxiety bubbles up within you. You stammer for words, your mind racing as you mumble incoherently, desperately hoping he won’t be upset.

He comes to a sudden halt, his fingers gently but firmly wrapping around your arms, and he fixes his gaze deep into your eyes. 

A hint of vulnerability shines through his expression as he says, “I liked it.” 

His voice is soft and sincere. A warm smile graces his lips, and you can sense the honesty behind those words, making your heart flutter with a mixture of relief and affection.

Your tense features immediately soften, and a wave of relief washes over you. You feel yourself melting in his embrace, his touch reassuring and warm. 

With wide eyes filled with wonder, you whisper, “You did?” 

The words hang in the air, heavy with emotion, as you search his eyes for confirmation.

“Yeah. In fact, I’ve been thinking about it for a few days,” he admits, scratching the back of his head, his vulnerability endearing. As you gaze into his deep brown eyes, you sense a whirlwind of emotions, but love shines through, swirling like a gentle current that binds your hearts together.

“I’ve been tormenting myself with this for the past few weeks,” you confess, the weight of your feelings finally spilling out. “I’ve been desperate to define what we are. And, honestly, it didn’t help when you introduced me as your ‘friend’ to your family.” The words hang in the air, charged with the uncertainty and longing that have been building within you for so long.

“If I had introduced you as my girlfriend,” he chuckles, “my mom would’ve started planning our wedding right then and there. And babies? Oh, she’d be all over that.” 

His laughter is infectious, and you can’t help but smile at his words, even if you’re still pouting playfully.

“But didn’t your sister do that anyway?” 

You playfully shove him, joining in on his laughter. “I swear, your family is all about weddings and baby plans.”

“That’s because she’s noisy and has a sixth sense,” he tells you with a playful grin, wrapping an arm around your waist as you both start walking again. “But hey, I promise not to pressure you for babies anytime soon.”

“You’re not pressuring me,” you say with a reassuring smile, looking into his eyes. “If anything, I’ll probably be the one pressuring you about that. I’m almost 30, and I’m not getting any younger. I’m not saying I want kids right now, but in the future, yes.”

He meets your gaze with a soft, heartfelt expression. “I do too,” he says, his voice filled with sincerity and a touch of vulnerability.

“So, do you want to date me, exclusively?” 

You ask, turning your head toward him, your smile radiating warmth. His eyes light up with excitement as he responds, “God, yes.” 

His hands find yours, and you intertwine your fingers, feeling a rush of emotions. In that moment, it feels like your heart might burst with love. He’s finally officially yours, and you are his. 

You turn around, catching his lips in a soft, tender kiss, sealing your newfound commitment with a sweet and heartfelt gesture.

You continue your hike hand in hand, reaching the summit of the mountain a few hours later. The view from the top is nothing short of breathtaking, with the sun casting a warm, golden hue over the landscape. The two of you stand there, silently taking in the beauty that surrounds you, feeling a deep connection between your intertwined fingers.

However, a persistent reminder of your passionate encounter still lingers – your damp panties, a consequence of both the intense hike and the thrilling escapade earlier. You can’t help but wish you had packed a spare pair, as you feel a mixture of sweat and his cum leaving you in a constant state of arousal.

The next day, you revel in the newfound bliss of having Yoongi officially as your boyfriend. 

Your morning is drenched in the soft, golden light filtering through the curtains, and you can’t resist the urge to express your love. With delicate kisses, you trace a path along his neck, leaving a trail of affectionate, crimson imprints in your wake, each mark a testament to your newfound love.

After another exhilarating hike, you stumble upon a magnificent waterfall, its cascading waters shimmering in the sunlight. The sheer force of nature’s beauty leaves you in awe. But as the day wears on, your fatigue catches up with you. 

Your feet ache from the miles you’ve trekked in the past few days. Each step back to Holly feels like a triumph over your body’s protests, a testament to the incredible adventures you’ve shared.

As the sun dips below the horizon, casting a warm orange glow inside the van, Yoongi suggests a mutual foot massage to ease the fatigue that has settled into your limbs. You eagerly agree, both wanting to give and receive comfort after a long day of hiking.

You settle into a cozy spot on the bed, your legs stretched out, and Yoongi’s foot cradled in your lap. 

His strong, nimble fingers start working their magic, tracing delicate patterns on your skin, expertly kneading away the day’s tension. It feels like heaven as he finds and releases every knot and kink in your tired feet, making you sigh in bliss. You can’t help but marvel at how skilled he is, not just with his hands but in everything he does.

You return the favor, your fingers replicating his motions on his own tired feet. The exchange of care and affection in this intimate moment strengthens the bond between you. 

As you both lose yourselves in the rhythmic dance of your fingers, you’re reminded that it’s not just about the massages; it’s about the love and closeness you share, making each touch all the more meaningful.

After leaving the previous campsite, you decide to explore further, heading north to Yeongdeok. 

There, you stumble upon a hidden gem—a quaint park tucked away amidst nature’s embrace. The park boasts a winding hiking trail, promising adventure and serenity in equal measure.

At the trailhead, you’re greeted by a lush canopy of trees that sway gently in the breeze, their leaves casting playful shadows on the ground. The earthy scent of the forest fills your nostrils as you begin your ascent. Birds sing melodious tunes, creating a harmonious backdrop to your journey.

As you reach the pinnacle of the trail, your efforts are rewarded with a breathtaking view that leaves you in awe. Before you, stretch the endless expanse of the sea, its azure waters stretch out as far as the eye can see. Below, mighty cliffs and jagged rocks rise from the depths, standing sentry against the relentless waves.

The sea’s rhythmic ballet is hypnotic, its waves crashing against the cliffs with both force and grace, as if engaged in an eternal dance. 

You and Yoongi stand in silence, absorbing the sheer majesty of this natural spectacle. It’s moments like these, when you’re surrounded by the untamed beauty of the world, that you feel the most alive, connected not just to nature but to each other.

“It’s really beautiful.” 

Inhaling deeply, you let the sheer beauty of the ocean and cliffs wash over you, filling your lungs with the crisp, salty air. Beside you, Yoongi, his eyes reflecting the same awe you feel, interlaces his fingers with yours, his silent affirmation of the breathtaking panorama before you.

After leaving the serene park, you and Yoongi embark on a short drive to a beach; a local secret with crystal-clear waters that rival even the most exotic of destinations. 

The moment your toes touch the powdery sand, a sense of tranquility washes over you. The sun kisses your skin, its warmth like a gentle embrace, and you slip into your bathing suit, feeling the soft fabric hug your body. Yoongi stands beside you, a grin of pure joy on his face, as you both take in the panorama before you.

The water stretches out, a palette of blues and greens merging in a harmonious blend, inviting you to explore its depths. 

Hand in hand, you and Yoongi walk along the shoreline, the cool, foamy waves lapping at your feet. It’s a sensory symphony—the sound of the waves crashing, the salty tang of the sea in the air, and the soft caress of the sand underfoot.

As you wade into the shallow water, you can’t help but steal glances at each other, laughter bubbling up as the gentle waves playfully tease you. The ocean’s embrace is both invigorating and soothing, a bittersweet reminder that your vacation days are numbered. You’re determined to savor every precious moment together, etching these memories into your hearts before the inevitable chill of autumn arrives.

Following a day of exploration and seaside delight, the two of you stumble upon a charming local restaurant, its rustic façade promising authentic flavors of the coastal town. 

With the scent of the sea still lingering in your hair, you step inside and are immediately greeted by the tantalizing aroma of freshly cooked snow crabs, a local delicacy that beckons to your taste buds. Seated at a quaint wooden table with a view of the bustling kitchen, you and Yoongi embark on a culinary adventure. 

The dishes arrive, each one a work of art on the plate. The first bite of succulent snow crab sends a burst of flavor that dances across your palate, a symphony of sweet and savory notes that leave you craving more.

As you savor each mouthful, you steal glances at Yoongi, his eyes reflecting the same appreciation for the exquisite meal. There’s a shared understanding between you, an unspoken bond that transcends words—a silent agreement that this moment, this meal, is something special. 

The dim, cozy ambiance of the restaurant only adds to the intimacy of the evening. The hours slip away as you indulge in the local cuisine, the flavors becoming more than just food—they’re an experience, a memory etched into your journey. With each bite, you feel closer to the heart of this coastal town and to each other. 

As the sun begins its gentle descent beyond the horizon, casting a warm, golden hue over the landscape, you and Yoongi make your way to a nearby campground. 

The day has been a tapestry of unforgettable experiences, from the rugged trails to the soothing embrace of the sea. Now, under the canvas of the night sky, you find solace in the simple yet comforting embrace of your campsite. 

With the rhythmic lullaby of crickets and the distant whispers of the breeze in the trees, you set up your cozy haven for the night. The soft glow of your campfire flickers in the darkness, casting dancing shadows that seem to mirror the playful dance of your hearts. The aroma of crackling wood mingles with the scent of the forest, creating an intoxicating blend that fills the air.

You and Yoongi retire to your snug sleeping quarters, cocooned in warmth and each other’s presence. The day’s adventures have left your bodies pleasantly fatigued, and as you lay beneath a blanket of stars, the world seems to fade away. 

The hushed conversations and gentle laughter between you are the only sounds in the stillness of the night.

As you continue your journey, the rhythmic hum of Holly’s engine is suddenly interrupted by an ominous noise again, but more prominent than before. At first, it’s a faint whisper, like a distant rumble, but it steadily grows louder and more disconcerting. The unease in the pit of your stomach mirrors the growing intensity of the sound.

Yoongi’s keen ears catch the disturbance too, and his brows furrow in concern. 

The two of you exchange worried glances, realizing that this is not a good sign. Holly, your trusted companion on this adventure, seems to be voicing its distress in the only way it knows how.

The noise reverberates through the van, making the situation impossible to ignore. It’s a reminder that even the best-laid plans can be derailed by unexpected challenges. The anticipation and uncertainty hang in the air, creating a sense of urgency as you approach Andong, hoping to find a solution to the growing problem.

With each passing mile, the noise becomes a relentless companion, a constant reminder of the unknown. Your hearts beat in tandem with Holly’s disconcerting rhythm, as you brace yourselves for whatever lies ahead in this unexpected twist of your journey.

In the heart of Andong, Yoongi’s determination leads you to a local garage that radiates a sense of authenticity and warmth. 

With a friendly smile and a humble request, he approaches the mechanics and inquires if they might have a hydraulic lift he can borrow for a moment.

The mechanics, deeply rooted in the spirit of their tight-knit community, are quick to oblige. Their willingness to help a stranger on the road is a testament to the hospitality and camaraderie of the place. They nod with understanding and offer Yoongi their trust, allowing him to work on the van in peace.

As Yoongi delves beneath the van’s chassis, the anticipation in the air is palpable. 

You watch him with admiration, the clinking of tools and the occasional muttered words of problem-solving creating a symphony of determination. As Yoongi dives into the task at hand, you find yourself drawn into the rhythm of his work. 

The garage’s dimly lit interior casts elongated shadows as he meticulously dissects Holly’s front wheel section. The metallic clinks of tools and the soft hum of the overhead lights fill the air, creating a symphony of purposeful activity.

With every piece he carefully removes, the mystery of Holly’s strange noise unravels. 

It’s as if he’s conducting a delicate orchestra of mechanics, and you’re an audience of one, enchanted by his expertise. 

His hands move with a graceful precision, each movement deliberate and calculated. In this moment, as the problem is revealed under the probing beam of his flashlight, a surge of relief washes over you. 

You realize how much you rely on him, not just as your partner in this journey, but as the unwavering troubleshooter who turns setbacks into triumphs. 

As the source of the strange noise is pinpointed, a triumphant smile spreads across Yoongi’s face. Holly, a silent witness to your adventures, almost seems to sigh in relief too.

As Yoongi kneels beside the van, his fingers deftly inspecting the worn-out drive shaft cuffs and tightening loose bolts, he begins to explain the intricacies of the van’s inner workings. 

Though the technical jargon might as well be a foreign language to you, you’re completely captivated by the way he lights up when he talks about it. 

His voice, a soothing blend of confidence and passion, weaves a story of mechanical marvels and engineering wizardry. Each word he utters carries the weight of expertise, and as you watch his hands move with the grace of a seasoned craftsman, you can’t help but admire his mastery of the subject. Even though the details might elude you, the admiration in your eyes speaks volumes. Listening to Yoongi, you realize how love can infuse even the most mundane topics with magic. 

The way he pours his heart into this moment, explaining the van’s ailments and the remedies required, makes you fall in love with him all even more.

In this garage, surrounded by the scent of grease and the echoes of tinkering tools, you find yourself not just appreciating his mechanical expertise but also marveling at the depth of your bond. 

As he wraps up his explanation, you can’t help but smile, grateful for the chance to witness his passion and to be a part of this adventure with him.

As Yoongi approaches the garage owners with a confident smile, you can’t help but admire his resourcefulness. It’s one of those moments that showcase his determination and practical problem-solving skills. 

The owners, a pair of weathered but friendly faces, nod in acknowledgment as Yoongi explains his needs. With a swift exchange of money, the spare parts are in his hands, and he’s back at work. 

The tools clink and clank, echoing in the garage like a symphony of repair. As he meticulously replaces the worn-out cuffs and tightens the loose screws, you stand by, a silent witness to his dedication. The rhythm of his movements, the focused look on his face, and the occasional muttering to himself all paint a portrait of a man wholly engrossed in his task.

“I’m done now, thank you for waiting.” 

Yoongi’s voice breaks through the ambient sounds of the garage, pulling you from your quiet contemplation. His beaming smile and the way he wipes his oiled hands on his pants are endearing, a testament to his pride in a job well done.

You rise from where you were leaning against a nearby shelf, your own smile mirroring his. With every step you take towards him, it’s not just Holly that’s been repaired; it’s your faith in each other and your ability to navigate life’s unexpected detours.

He pulls you into a warm, oil-scented embrace, his chest pressed against yours. His heartbeat, steady and reassuring, matches the rhythm of your own.

Unable to contain your admiration, you offer a compliment with a playful smile, “I enjoyed watching you work,” but your cheeks betray you with a blush that rises like a cresting wave, “you look hot.”

His fingers, stained with grease and oil, brush gently against your cheek as he tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear. The sensation sends shivers down your spine, and you find yourself leaning into his touch, craving the warmth of his rough hands against your skin.

“My hands are dirty, babe.” 

He murmurs, his voice a low, husky timbre that sends a thrill through your entire body. He attempts to pull away, to spare you from the grime that clings to his skin.

But you can’t bring yourself to care about the dirt when his touch feels like an electric jolt of desire. With a fierce determination, you reach out and capture his hands, fingers entwining with his in a passionate embrace.

“I don’t care,” you declare, your voice breathless with longing. You pull him closer, your lips meet in a fiery kiss that speaks of desire and a bond too strong to be deterred by something as trivial as dirty hands.

His laughter dances against your lips, a carefree melody that sets your heart ablaze. 

You pull back slightly, your eyes meeting his with a mischievous spark. 

“Maybe we should take this show on the road,” he suggests, his voice a teasing whisper that sends a thrill through your body. His playful demeanor matches the twinkle in his eyes as he senses the curious gazes of onlookers.

With a soft chuckle, you lean back, breaking the passionate kiss but keeping your connection alive. You both share a knowing look, acknowledging the audience that has unintentionally gathered around. Some wear frowns, their disapproval thinly veiled, while others struggle to look away, curiosity getting the best of them.

After a heartfelt exchange of gratitude with the garage owners, you and Yoongi set out for a local campground nestled just beyond the town’s outskirts. 

Holly’s engine hums with a newfound vibrancy, the haunting clicks and pops replaced by a reassuring purr, a testament to Yoongi’s skillful repair work.

As you approach the campground, the world begins to transform. 

The air is infused with the earthy scent of the surrounding woods, and the fading sunlight casts a warm, golden hue over the landscape. Tall trees stand sentinel, their rustling leaves whispering secrets of countless stories shared beneath their branches.

Arriving at the campground, you find a secluded spot, the van settling into its new temporary home. 

As the sun dips below the horizon, painting the sky with hues of orange and pink, Yoongi takes charge of creating a campfire. With practiced ease, he gathers dry twigs and kindling, coaxing life into the flames until they crackle and dance in the gathering darkness. 

The firelight cast playful shadows, creating an intimate circle of warmth and light.

Together, you prepare a simple yet delicious dinner over the campfire. The scent of roasting marshmallows and the savory aroma of grilled vegetables fills the air, mingling with the smoky fragrance of the crackling wood. 

The orange glow of the flames paints your faces in a warm, flickering embrace as you share stories, laughter, and the occasional playful banter.

Despite your best intentions, your contributions to the culinary efforts may have been minimal, but the camaraderie of preparing a meal together adds a touch of charm to the evening. 

With satisfied appetites and hearts full of contentment, you both settle in for a restful night’s sleep. The soft rustling of leaves in the gentle breeze plays a soothing lullaby, accompanied by the distant murmur of a nearby stream. Wrapped in your cozy duvets, you drift into dreams beneath the vast, starlit canopy of the night sky.

The next day, you are eager to immerse yourselves in the rich traditions of Andong, a town steeped in history. 

As you step onto the cobblestone streets, a sense of timelessness washes over you. Andong has a unique charm, an old-world aura that whispers stories of centuries past. Wandering through the town, you discover quaint hanok houses with curved roofs, each adorned with intricate wooden carvings and papered windows. 

The streets are lined with vibrant flowers, their colors popping against the backdrop of ancient buildings. Occasionally, you encounter locals in traditional hanbok attire, a living connection to the town’s heritage.

Though the Mask Festival, a renowned celebration of culture and art, has yet to arrive, the beginning of it was already underway as it is just one week away. Small shops and stalls display intricate masks, some whimsical, others deeply solemn. You can’t resist the allure of these artistic creations and pick up a few as keepsakes.

As the first light of dawn gently kisses the horizon, you wake up to the promise of a new day’s adventure. 

The crisp morning air, tinged with the faint aroma of last night’s dinner, fills your senses. With the remnants of a hearty meal beckoning from the campfire’s embers, you decide to start your day with a taste of yesterday’s flavors. 

Sitting beside the smoldering fire, you savor the rich and comforting taste of the previous night’s meal. The warmth of the flames caress your skin, contrasting the cool mountain breeze that rustles through the surrounding trees. 

Each bite of food is a reminder of the shared moments around the campfire and the anticipation of the journey ahead.

With a satisfied belly, you eagerly prepare for the day’s hike. 

Your hiking gear, meticulously chosen for comfort and practicality, awaits its next adventure. As you lace up your sturdy boots, the promise of rugged trails and breathtaking vistas fills your thoughts, igniting a spark of excitement. Your backpack, loaded with essentials, feels like a trusty companion ready to accompany you on this mountain odyssey.

You have heard whispers of the legendary Byongdae cliff and the enchanting Pine Tree Forest that graces these mystical mountains. The tales have woven a tapestry of intrigue in your mind, and now, standing on the precipice of reality, you feel an irresistible pull to explore these fabled wonders.

Your journey begins amidst the towering giants of the Pine Tree Forest, a cathedral of nature’s grandeur. As you step into this tranquil grove, the air is saturated with the earthy scent of pine needles, a fragrant welcome that envelops your senses.

The sun filters through the dense canopy above, casting dappled shadows that dance at your feet. 

Each step you take feels like a pilgrimage through a sacred woodland, the ancient trees bearing witness to the passage of time itself. You crane your neck to look up, their lofty branches reaching for the heavens, as if sharing secrets with the sky. 

Birds serenade you with their melodic tunes, their songs echoing through the forest like a chorus of hidden muses. With each inhalation, you taste the purity of the forest air, a crisp elixir that invigorates your spirit.

As you wander deeper into this verdant sanctuary, you find yourself in the company of nature’s most exquisite creations. The pine trees stand sentinel, their trunks adorned with mossy tapestries, and their branches, adorned with tufts of emerald needles, sway in a gentle, rhythmic ballet.

Emerging from the woodland, you find yourself at the water’s edge, where the tranquil surface mirrors the cerulean sky above. 

Here, a quaint wooden ferry awaits, bobbing gently on the crystal-clear waters. 

With each paddle stroke, the boat glides effortlessly, carrying you and Yoongi closer to your next adventure.

The cliff looms ahead, a majestic sentinel of nature’s artistry. Its rugged facade rises from the water like a monolithic masterpiece, adorned with mosses and lichens, a testament to the passage of time. The boat docks at its base, and your anticipation grows. 

The ascent up the cliff is a thrilling endeavor, each step revealing a new facet of the picturesque village below. The air is invigorating, infused with the scent of salt and pine, while the distant sounds of village life, like the cheerful chatter of locals and the distant bleating of sheep, waft up to greet you. 

With every upward stride, the panorama unfolds, transforming the village into a living, breathing diorama beneath the vast expanse of the cerulean sky.

As you finally conquer the summit, a triumphant sense of achievement washes over you. 

The world unfolds before your eyes in a breathtaking panorama, a tapestry of nature’s artistry and the village’s quaint charm. 

You find a quiet spot to rest, nestled among the craggy rocks, where the gentle breeze carries with it the scent of adventure and the distant laughter of villagers below. Sitting there, you let the serenity of the moment seep into your bones. The sun bathes you in its golden warmth, the crisp mountain air fills your lungs, and the distant chirping of birds adds a harmonious touch to the symphony of nature. 

You close your eyes for a moment, feeling the earth beneath you, grounding yourself in this tranquil haven.

As you gaze from the rugged precipice, your voice slips into a soft, almost reverent whisper, “I’ll miss this so much when our vacation ends,” your eyes tracing the contours of the village sprawled far below.

“Weekend camping trips are always an option.” 

Yoongi suggests, his gaze lingering on the delicate contours of your face, taking in your beauty.

You turn to face Yoongi, your eyes sparkling with stars, and a surge of wonder and excitement infusing your voice, “Really?”

“Yeah.” 

He nods, his hand reaching out to caress your cheek, his finger lightly tracing over your soft lips, leaving a tantalizing sensation in its wake.

Reluctantly, you begin your descent, your steps lighter now, the memories of the panoramic view etched into your heart. The wooden ferry awaits, its creaking timbers echoing with tales of countless journeys. 

As you board, the gentle sway of the boat on the water lulls you into a peaceful reverie. You watch as the cliff recedes into the distance, still an indomitable sentinel against the azure sky.

Returning to the village, you carry with you the sense of wonder and accomplishment that only a day spent among nature’s wonders can bring, a memory that will forever remain etched in your mind.

Your exploration also takes you to a serene temple nestled in the hills. The scent of incense hangs in the air as you marvel at the intricate architecture and the palpable sense of tranquility. Yoongi, always with an appreciation for the cultural significance of such places, captures the moment with his camera, preserving the beauty for eternity.

Fatigued from your adventurous day, you and Yoongi decide it’s time to savor the local flavors of Andong. 

A quaint restaurant beckons with the promise of culinary delights. The warm, inviting aroma of simmering spices and savory sauces wafts through the air as you step inside.

Seated at a wooden table, you peruse the menu with eager anticipation. Your eyes fall upon the legendary Andong Soju, its allure heightened by its formidable 40% alcohol content. With a knowing glance exchanged between you and Yoongi, you agree to indulge in moderation, not wanting to let the potent elixir spoil your evening.

As you sip the clear, fiery liquid from small glasses, you can feel the warmth spreading through your veins. The Soju carries the essence of Andong, a taste that hints at the town’s history and traditions, and it adds an extra layer of authenticity to your dining experience. 

For dinner, you decide to follow the advice of the locals and order the Jjimdak, a delectable dish that embodies the heart of Korean cuisine. Braised chicken and an array of vibrant vegetables, lovingly marinated in rich Korean soy sauce, arrive at your table. The dish is a burst of colors and textures, a tantalizing blend of sweet and savory flavors that dance on your taste buds.

As you dine, you can’t help but admire the cozy ambiance of the restaurant, filled with the cheerful chatter of fellow diners and the soothing melodies of traditional Korean music playing softly in the background. 

The flickering candlelight adds a touch of romance to the atmosphere.

Under the dimly lit Andong streets, you and Yoongi stroll hand in hand, feeling the subtle sway of the evening. 

The Andong Soju, though sipped cautiously, has lent a gentle, tipsy euphoria to your steps. The world takes on a dreamlike quality as you navigate the winding paths and narrow alleys. As you walk, the night envelops you in a comforting embrace. The soft glow of streetlights casts warm, golden pools on the cobblestone streets, guiding your way. 

The air is alive with the distant murmur of laughter and the melodious hum of crickets, serenading your tipsy journey. You steal glances at Yoongi, his features illuminated by the soft city lights. His eyes sparkle with a shared secret, and his smile, slightly crooked from the Soju’s influence, is irresistibly endearing. 

Every touch of his hand in yours sends delightful shivers through your tipsy senses.

As you approach Holly, it stands as a steadfast companion, a haven of familiarity in the midst of the Andong night. You pause for a moment, swaying gently together, and share a soft, lingering kiss beneath the moonlight. 

The taste of Yoongi and Soju lingers on your lips.

With your hearts light and spirits high, you finally settle into Holly, ready for a restful night’s sleep. The world outside may spin with a tipsy enchantment, but in each other’s arms, you find balance and serenity, cherishing the memories created in the charming town of Andong.

A few days before your planned rendezvous with Joonie, Jinie, and Hobi in Daejeon, you embark on a detour to Gumi, a place of natural beauty and tranquility. 

Your destination is the enchanting Geumosan Reservoir, a serene oasis nestled amidst rolling hills and lush forests. As you approach the reservoir, the scent of pine and earth fills the air, awakening your senses to the wilderness that lies ahead. 

The anticipation builds in your chest, knowing that an adventure awaits you amidst the pristine landscape.

Upon arrival, you’re greeted by the shimmering waters of the reservoir, reflecting the azure sky like a flawless mirror. The surrounding hills are cloaked in vibrant shades of green, and the soft rustling of leaves in the gentle breeze becomes your symphony.

You and Yoongi don your hiking gear, ready to explore the intricate network of trails that wind through this natural wonder. 

The first step onto the trail sends a jolt of excitement through you as the earth crunches beneath your boots, and you feel the rhythm of nature beneath your feet. The hike takes you along paths that meander through dense woods, opening up to breathtaking vistas that steal your breath away. 

The cool breeze carries the sweet aroma of wildflowers, and the distant call of birds adds a melodic soundtrack to your journey.

Yoongi’s hand in yours provides a reassuring anchor as you both marvel at the splendor of nature. 

Each step forward feels like an adventure, a shared exploration of the world’s wonders.

After a day of hiking, you find a serene spot near the reservoir’s edge to rest. You sit side by side, feet dangling above the crystal-clear water, and share a quiet moment of awe. The world seems to fade away, leaving only the two of you and the beauty that surrounds you.

“I just love nature,” Yoongi murmurs, leaning gently against your shoulder, his words carrying a sense of serenity, “the tranquility, the freedom to wander and reflect on life.”

You exhale audibly, your voice brimming with happiness, “I completely understand,” you say, your hand finding its way to his thigh, “This getaway is exactly what I needed to escape from the stresses of work,” you add, resting your head against his shoulder and savoring the moment.

He hums in contentment, “Indeed, it sounded like you were in desperate need of a break,” he says, his voice soft and reassuring.

“Yeah, you know I genuinely love my job, but recently the stress has really taken its toll.” 

You say, your voice tinged with a hint of disappointment. You can’t help but feel conflicted about your career, torn between your passion for it and the overwhelming stress it sometimes brings.

“I’m grateful this trip has been a relief,” he says, pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek. His words carry a warmth that reassures you, making you appreciate the escape from your daily pressures even more.

You exhale softly, your fingers finding comfort in his, and ask, “What’s your next destination in mind?” 

Your eyes meet his, filled with anticipation for the adventures yet to come.

He starts rambling with an endearing enthusiasm, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “I heard about a science center nearby. I know neither of us is a science geek, but I thought it might still be a lot of fun,” he says, his smile revealing those charming gums of his. You can’t help but find it absolutely adorable.

“I’m up for it. Honestly, everything with you is a blast, so I’m all in,” you reply, your voice filled with enthusiasm. You turn your head and punctuate your agreement with a passionate kiss, locking lips with his soft, inviting ones.

Although science has never been your forte, you decide to pay a visit to the local Science Center in Gumi. 

As you step into this world of discovery and innovation, you’re pleasantly surprised by the sense of wonder that envelops you. Together with Yoongi, you explore the center’s myriad exhibits, each one a gateway to the extraordinary. 

The museum’s interactive displays and hands-on activities offer a chance to hold hands with your boyfriend while delving into the mysteries of the universe.

One exhibit captures your attention—a dazzling planetarium show that transports you to distant galaxies. With the domed ceiling overhead, you and Yoongi recline in cushioned seats, your fingers intertwined, and watch as stars and constellations come to life, painting the cosmos with their celestial beauty.

The immersive experience ignites a newfound curiosity within you, as you realize that science has the power to evoke awe and inspire even to those who never thought they’d be interested.

Leaving the Science Center, you walk hand in hand, the spark of connection between you and Yoongi shining brighter than ever.

As the day unfolds, you and Yoongi decide to hit the bowling alley. 

You both step into those classic rented shoes, each pair slightly too large, and claim your own lane, creating a private haven for laughter and competition. The joy of the game isn’t just in the strikes and spares but in the shared experience. 

Yoongi, with his effortless bowling prowess, takes the lead. He patiently guides you, showing you how to hold the ball and improve your stance. Despite his best efforts, your balls still veer off course, but it hardly matters. What truly matters is the closeness you share. With each instruction he gives, his hands gently brush against yours, fingers lingering just a moment longer. 

You cherish these stolen moments of connection, realizing that it’s not about perfect strikes but the perfect touch and laughter that make this game unforgettable. As the pins clatter and balls roll, you’re grateful for the opportunity to have fun together, even if it means embracing your ineptitude at bowling. 

As your journey alone with Yoongi approaches its final destination, you find yourself in Yeongdong, a place where nature’s grandeur unfolds in breathtaking ways. Your destination? 

The enchanting Wolrybong peak, a majestic mountain that seems to touch the sky itself.

The ascent is filled with moments of awe as you navigate through winding trails, surrounded by lush, verdant forests. The air is crisp, carrying the scent of pine and earth, invigorating your senses with each breath. The trail occasionally opens up, revealing glimpses of the surrounding cliffs and pristine waters below, a mesmerizing sight that leaves you spellbound.

Upon reaching the summit, you find yourself standing on the edge of the world, overlooking a vast expanse of untouched beauty. 

Cliffs stand tall and proud, their rugged faces meeting the azure waters that stretch as far as the eye can see. It’s a scene that defies description, and for a moment, you feel like you’re part of a painting, a tiny speck in the grand canvas of nature.

In those tranquil moments, the world fades away, leaving you and Yoongi with nothing but the majesty of nature surrounding you. You take it all in, cherishing this time together.

As the sun sets behind the peaks, casting a warm, golden hue over the landscape, you can’t help but feel grateful for the opportunity to witness such beauty and to share it with the one you love. 

As the days wind down to the end of your adventurous journey, you decide to indulge in a well-deserved period of relaxation. Nestled in the cozy confines of Holly, you and Yoongi find solace in quiet moments together. The gentle hum of nature outside, the soft rustling of leaves, and the distant chirping of birds create a soothing symphony.

Wrapped in each other’s warmth, you savor the simple pleasure of just being together. The world outside may be bustling with activity, but within your private haven, time slows down, allowing you to bask in the tranquility that surrounds you.

There’s a contented sigh as you lean into Yoongi’s comforting embrace, the soft rhythm of his heartbeat echoing in sync with yours. 

Holly’s interior becomes your sanctuary, a place where laughter, stories, and stolen kisses create an intimate bond that feels like a haven of love.

As the time comes to drive to Daejeon to reunite with your friends, you do so with hearts full of cherished memories and a renewed sense of connection. 

The journey continues, but now it’s not just about the places you visit; it’s about the love and experiences you carry with you, making every mile of the road a testament to your new official relationship.

→ Author’s note(2): Thank you so much for reading! 🌸 I appreciate every like, comment and reblog, and please don’t be afraid to let me know what you think;  your kind words makes me extremely happy 💜 → Taglist: @idkjustlovingbts, @constancelayon, @wobblewobble822, @ktownshizzle, @moonchild1, @ultimatefangirl0, @baechugff, @jimintaemin, @parapiop7, @fckkntired, @iluvfndms, @citypop-princess, @tarahardcore, @bergandysam, @massivelyfullenthusiast, @tatyhend *strikethrough means tumblr isn’t letting me tag you :(

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[bitterrobin]

I see a lot of confusion on why calling Damian Wayne "feral" is racist/problematic, so here's a rundown.

There's a difference between calling your child or your younger sibling "feral" and calling a character like Damian "feral." You know your child/sibling/niece/nephew etc. They're real people, and unless they have a problem with it personally, then there's nothing wrong with calling them feral as a joke. It doesn't (shouldn't) affect their perceptions by other people. It doesn't become a label that follows them.

Damian al Ghul-Wayne is a fictional character. A canonically mixed Arab/Chinese/Jewish White character with a history connected to some of the most prominent Arab comic book characters, who themselves also get insanely mischaracterized.

He's constantly whitewashed. He's been written with racist undertones (the suicide bomber vest). He's had his character development and progress backtracked time and time again by DC. DC treats him weirdly most days and completely shitty in the worst stories.

A good majority of fanon hasn't done any better than DC. You cannot pat yourselves on the back for being more inclusive or mental health aware than DC when you call a mixed Arab/Chinese boy "feral". It's constant. You can come up with various titles and nuances for every Bat-character, for every Robin.

Tim can be smart, a skater, a genius, the one holding everyone together, the little brother, the one who needs love. Jason can be cool, morally "right" or "wrong", unstable, PTSD-stricken, the one who was betrayed, the one with Shakespearean tragedies. Dick can be fun, happy, the first one, the prodigal son, the one with complicated history and the big brother.

You give them room for exploration. Love and care and attention and research. Many headcanons. You either comply with canon or you don't, but there's substance to their character.

What does Damian get? He's feral. He's rabid. He's a gremlin. He can't be reasoned with. He has no self-control, he's impulsive. He's hurt others, and you can't forgive it. Sometimes he's homophobic. Or classist. Or plain mean and rude to your favorite boy. He's always carrying a sword. A psychopath with no regard for another's well-being (usually Tim in a lot of fics). He can't be taught what's right.

I've seen people cry that Damian needs to punished or kicked out or treated the same way he's treated others. He needs to be brutalized or talked down to. He can never grow as a person, because he's mean to Tim or Jason, and you need him to exist as the abuser. His first move is always violent.

Fanon compares him to an animal often; he bites, claws, hisses, growls. Bruce or Dick or Jason or Tim have to wrangle him, tame him, civilize him the white man's way in lieu of his brown mother and grandfather who "clearly" raised him wrong. You don't see the issue with that? The issue with always labeling one of the few major brown characters in Batman comics as the unreasonable animal? That the child of color is always the abuser, the instigator, to older characters?

And even if you don't see him this way, you don't write him this way - then are you giving him the care and attention you give for other Bat characters?

Do you know anything else about him other than his "anger"? Because he isn't always angry. In fact, he's typically well-mannered. Quiet even, when he's not being provoked. DC's writing will always vary but whenever Damian lashes out, he's usually written with a reason to act the way he does.

Are you making him intelligent like he should be? A hard believer in redemption? A neglected and abused child who isn't meek or crying or closes himself within? Are you willing to explore that he's always exhibited the "wrong" kind of trauma responses - lashing out, being snippy, ruining relationships, refusing to admit weakness?

Do you write anything about him without making his mother and grandfather comically abusive and violent? Will you give him the supporting cast/friends he actually has? Can you write his dad/siblings interacting with him without making them white saviors or therapy pets? Can you write him without a ship or his love for animals or being vegetarian overshadowing everything?

Is he a character to you at all other than a glorified plot device with a sharp tongue and the convenience of being violent?