#kinda sounds like there are certain women who hate men specifically because they are men due to past trauma

[grumpydevilfellow]

Whether you like it or not. Stating misandry isn't real and mocking not all men is counterproductive to social justice in general and also lowkey racist because yall don't even consider where POC men stand in the patriarchy in their country. As a Black man in the US I am very low on the patriarchy and receive little to no privilege. But whenever these conversations pop up it's like I and my struggles don't fucking exist because suddenly opression Olympics and women have it worse always.

Which isn't always true because white women have literally used their privilege to have cops murder black men! Is that not a combination of racism and misandry mixed together where actual harm is done to the victim?

But yall will get real silent after I mention that part because you know I'm fucking right and it throws your backwards ass generalization out the window.

i wish there was a way to say "alot of feminist/lgbt spaces are weird about gay men/trans men/masculinity in general in a way that feels very unproductive/counter-productive" without implying that i think women are actively oppressing men or that misandry real because those are two very different conversations actually.

[until-another-one-comes]

HI I WAS ACTUALLY DISCUSSING THIS WITH MY FRIEND THE OTHER DAY. Not all of them fit super cleanly and they are almost entirely based off the Nightmare neighbors jobs but. You know. Also I did base some stuff off personal headcanons but. In reality we don't have much to go off lol.

Roman -> Soul eater could tie to the fact he's an accountant, a job tied to people's livelihoods and wellbeing as he directs when money is given out. He is helping the system suck out people's souls. (This is actually fairly far off the mark, he's definitely not a bad person he's just trying to live.)

Lois -> Nightmare Designer could tie into her being a huge gossip, and very mouthy. She makes the lives of the people around her a nightmare due to her getting in everyone's buisness/being a bitch (Pretty on the mark, but it's ignoring her more soft side. She's only a bitch to people she doesn't like.)

Robertsky and Albertsky -> Putting them together because my explanations for their things are. The same. Both are blunt, mostly standoffish men who don't talk much and seem awfully distant to people. Human Hunter and Torturer are how people see them because someone like that must be a violent freak (So far off the mark. They want to do their job then go home)

Angus -> I see him being a mutilater as more like. He doesn't care about other people. He wants a spectacle, and he will rip through anyone to get that. He wants all eyes on him. (Wow that is just Angus)

Selenne and Elenois -> These two are also together, just because. They are twins with very similar jobs, witch and summoner. I do think his is more like the idea that powerful people (women in particular) have sold their souls for beauty and fame, or that anyone that beautiful must be in convent with the devil (??? They are normal ladies???)

Arnold and Gloria -> Occultist and gravedigger huh. That kinda sounds like. That kinda sounds like you know. Black Magic. And what you do after killing someone. Both things tied to putting down a certain race particularly in the USA (It is the 1950s these two are going to have a horrible time out there. They are good people? Leave them alone?)

Izaack -> As soon as I saw his job as being a ritualist it gave me pause because. Like above. That job can be tied to things used against a certain group of people. And with him being a reporter, you know, controlling the news, yeah. Yeah. (Can we leave this guy alone? Please?)

Margarette -> Causes famine huh. *Checks notes* applied to specifically a larger woman. Huh. Huh. (??? What is with this floor and people suffering from bigotry???)

Francis -> Vampirism. You know, being a bloodsucker. Or a drain on other people. Sucking the joy out of their day by just being there. (Yeah no this one's accurate)

Anastacha -> I really hate to say it but sometimes a child can bring misery to their parents, and while I totally don't think it's Anastacha's fault you could see how her existence could be brought up in arguments. (She is fine??? She is a baby. Leave her alone.)

Afton -> Stealing skins seems just. Really interesting to me in a game about things that steal identity. But he also like never puts himself on the list, is obviously really suspicious, and is tied to the dopplegangers through the project. He also says he's a physicist and is working on a team researching dopples???? (He isn't a dopple but.)

Mia -> Princess of Death. First off they did NOT need to go so hard for her but unfortunately I think the only thing that could tie her to that is the fact she also doesn't put herself on the list, like she wants the dopples to get in and kill everyone. (Idk...suspicious...)

Nacha -> Brings pests. This can be tied to Anastacha because if Anastacha causes misfortune and Nacha brings pests...lyou know, blaming her for having a child. (A lot of these people are just getting bullied huh)

Steven and Mclooy -> These are the only two where I bring their designs in lol. They look so different because they both have a dissociative disorder from being soldiers (with Steven's medals we can imply he was a fighter, and since most family members have the same jobs we can infer they are both a) pilots and b) soldiers) but yeah. They are seen as violent monsters because of them being former soldiers (Steven is fine, he's generally peaceful. I think. Mclooy isn't as nice.)

Alf -> Soul Scarecrow could be seen as him being a sort of strawman. Like, yes you have a lawyer. You have a chance! (You don't. You are going to lose his case) But you know. False hope to the people relying on him (I dunno about this one is he a good lawyer??)

Rafttellyn -> Deforms faces could be taken metaphorically, like destroying people's public image. Since she is both a housewife who is a gossip and is married to a lawyer that might give rise to that idea (I don't think she does this)

This is all my opinion and none of the notes I make here are any digs against the creators, I think exploring period relevant bigotry is a good idea, especially in a game where the main idea is you can't trust your neighbour.

Damn no one can catch a break lmao. These bitches keep CATCHING STRAYS

OKAY OKAY but the reason why I'm really interested in the twins nightmare intrepretation is because its the most obvious to me. Like, they're models which means they're beautiful and desirable and even in game their designs/expressions give them a 'haughty' look. And while I don't think they are haughty or prideful (or at least, not as bad as some people might think), their position definitely means a lot of people (especially men) thinking the worse of them, definitely for shitty reasons. Its not out there to think that their jobs causes a lot of bad faith look to them like them being seducers or whatever when they're just tryna do their jobs.

Oh shit I did not think about that with Roman. Do you think maybe its less about his job or more with how he looks cuz he definitely looks scary and I wouldn't be surprised if people thinks he's some scary guy with a violent past.

The Peachman brothers and Angus's explanation is sending me oh my Lord. (especially Angus. Oh yeah his nightmare version is just him but more fucked up lmaoooooo)

Arnold and Gloria, oh man... I didn't know those were tied to black magic :(. (also Arnold's nightmare version being the only outwardly animal looking monster makes my heart hurt. NOT DIRECTED TO NACHO SAMA cuz I don't think thats intentional but with this intrepretation that definitely kind of hurt and does not look good)

I more prefer the 'Izaack's nightmare version is a reflection on how he sees himself' theory but I also dig how you see it. Reporters usually do get a bad rep of being nosy or life ruining so it does make sense that Izaack might have that reputation and looking like a worm.

Margarette... NOOOO thats so fucked :(((. She is a nice warm person who would definitely feed you cookies and tea when you come to visit and make sure you eat well because 'you look too skinny!!' like a doting aunt.

I can't believe rhe joke of Afton beinf sus cuz 'haha purple guy' is semi canon. What is this guy's deal.

I just thought kf this but I think Francis's nightmare version (bloodsucker) is maybeeee tied to the era's joke/common thing where 'the milkman/mailman seduces housewives' or something?? Cuz I can def see that being the common perception on him and that he's a homewrecker (he is not he just wants to go home and sleep)

The Nacha and Anastacha one... ow. Why do you do this to me/j

THE ALF AND STEVEN ONE YESSS. Alf's job as a lawyer I can definitely see that!! Same with Steven- Slipknot reference aside I LOVE how his nightmare mode job is Annihilator when his real job is a military pilot/soldier. The few residents where the nightmare/real job have an almost direct connection.

TYSM for sharing these AHHH THEY'RE SO INTERESTING AND I LOVE READING OTHER PPLS THEORIES/ANALYSIS ON THIS MODE

[super-hero-confessions]

Here's something I found pretty interesting. I've seen plenty of Clois/Lark shippers call SuperWonder shippers misogynists or harass them and fic writers.

But I actually haven't seen them going after the SuperBats or Clex shippers even if there is blatant or misogynistic undertones (though to be fair it's pretty hard to compete with Golden and Silver Age Lois if you wanna make her look bad). Which is weird I guess?

I'm sure it's happened. I wouldn't deny the experience of it from someone. But I find it very curious as I've seen similar if not the same rhetoric at the prospect of Superman being with Maxima and other claims the like that if a story focuses on Clark moving on and moving forward, it can only be misogynistic fridging.

But with the catch "only when he moves on to another woman" (never seen this argument against him moving on with a man).

And to that I say... What the fuck? No, seriously what the fuck? The logic makes no sense as it did to begin with. If the problem is Clark "moving on" specifically with women, then he should never "move on" from Lana and never marry Lois. Everything said about accusing those shipping him with women other than Lois after a relationship with Lois can be equally said and applied to shipping him with any woman after Lana if we're to believe any of that crap.

Meaning shipping him anyone other than Lana would be misogyny that devalues Lana and makes Lois and others look bad.

You can't have it both ways. If it's misogyny, it starts after the FIRST girl. Clark's ACTUAL first choice (by virtue of becoming his wife, Lois must be his literal last, final choice, and she is for a time and that's fine). And it should be applied to any ship after the fact, not just the ones with women, whether you fear being called a homophobe or not. Where's this "bravery to defend" Lois with the men at play, huh? Do you have any idea how many fics make Clark cheat on Lois for Bruce?

A lot. It's a lot...

And even then with the arguments made it should be LANA getting the defense, not Lois.

And look, I'm a multishipper, I like all the ships in actual good and nontoxic portrayals of them, but I hate a good deal of shipping discourse and more ridiculous arguments that are used to be against ships and often more specifically against certain female characters.

Maybe the Clois shippers don't bother SuperBats or Clex shippers because the misogyny is more often against either Lana or Diana. And I don't mean fair criticism of the characters, certain portrayals or even making a minor villainess or love rival for story and drama purposes. I mean using the lady as the butt of a joke and making her unreasonably OOC in order to make the men look better and "less misogynistic" by shitting all over this woman.

And this kinda shit isn't exclusive to this part of fandom or fiction in general either but it is all equally stupid and old and especially terrible when you have people being disgusting and egging it on in real life like with the Bieber nonsense. What the fuck people, let them live.

These accusations are frequently without merit and sound a lot more like confessions. No one shipping for fun ties the value of the women in these ships to the men they are with besides the worst of the worst in the shipping and real world. The actual misogynists that love purity culture and think only men and a body count can define how much a woman is worth.

So in essence. Slut shaming.

Ya sound like some goddamn Andrew Tate Fanbois, misogynistic slut shaming and all.

If you like a ship. Fine. If you dislike a ship. Fine. But accusing others of who they are based on FICTION. That makes YOU the asshole, not the other way around.

And more people need to ship Clark Kent with Jimmy Olsen. That right there is the real OTP and who DC shoulda chose from the start. He got saved way more than Lois back in the day, and always cared for and was nice to Clark.

[gigglesthejester]

This might make a few people mad, but my goal is just to give you a different perspective.

So basically I’ve been seeing a lot of posts (not just on Tumblr) about people who just hate golf and are shaming it for being a “white man sport.” As a teenage girl who is very into golf, this is just really disappointing. You’re stereotyping golf and you don’t even play it. Men who do play golf already treat female golfers differently. Like we’re somehow less than them. It’s just really discouraging to see golfers and non-golfers collectively decide that it is a “man sport.” I substitute for my dad’s golf league sometimes. His coworkers in it are all men and at first were hesitant. I hit farther than 9 out of the 11 men on the first tee. It feels really damn good. But then people continue to reject the fact that women and people of color are actually interested in the sport. Not everyone has to be into golf, but please just realize that shaming everyone who plays golf isn’t just another way to shame old white men. It isn’t the 60’s anymore.

Most people try to make the point that golf is really expensive and so only white men play it. Hello? It’s 2024, while there will always be racist people who won’t hire certain people or won’t pay them as much, most people that want to get into golf won’t need to spend as much money as you might expect. The course I play at won’t blink an eye if we take my uncle to play with us, even though he can’t pay for a round. Private country clubs will be different of course, but that’s just optional to go to those.

Also, why golf specifically? There are plenty of sports that cost money to play. Skiing is expensive. Why don’t we just get rid of it because only men can do it? See how insane that sounds? It’s like you’re purposely ignoring the fact that it’s 2024 and more than just men actually have money.

Anyways sorry this is so long and please don’t come after me I’m just feeling kinda awful that I’ve spent so much of my time learning this game and people are still trying to erase women from it.

[bloededhoine]

world building cause twn doesn't part 8: nonhumans

this is easily the geekiest part of the series. and it's a Very geeky series. because sapkowski's worldbuilding is waaay more extensive than i have the time, ability, or desire to convey, i'm sticking with races both sentient and important

colour code cause i fucking love colour codes - already happened/introduced, probably s2, important background info, stuff that might be in the prequel, extras

series masterpost

dopplers

dopplers, also known as vexlings, shifters, mimics, doubles, imitators, or pavrats, are a nonhuman race that can take on the appearance of nearly anyone they encounter

before mass migrations of humans, dopplers primarily inhabited the forests and plateaus around the city of novigrad, where they would transform into wolves and pack animals to hunt

their abilities are pretty impressive, dopplers can not only mimic appearance but also voice, personality, skills, behaviours, and knowledge. dopplers can even turn parts of their bodies into pieces of clothing or other objects

however, there are some limitations

dopplers can't transform into someone/thing with dramatically more mass than they have, are burned by silver, and can't drop anything they created (if they did it would kind of turn into a fleshy goop)

we've already met a doppler in twn, this sexy sexy man

BUT

it is important to note that this doppler is a huge deviation from sapkowski's lore. dopplers are pretty much always exceptionally kind and gentle. a lot of times they use their abilities to appear threatening (big teeth, sharp claws etc) because they really don't want to hurt anyone.

when dopplers aren't mimicking another form, they aren't exactly pretty. they're bald, short, have beady yellow eyes, and kinda look like they're made from soft clay

here's the hexer doppler

the most notable doppler is dudu biberveldt, who i mentioned as the halfling dainty biberveldt's fake cousin. dudu's actual name is tellico lunngrevink letorte, but dainty decided to help dudu live in novigrad by adopting him as his fake cousin.

dragons

dragons are fucking awesome. you know it, i know it, and zerrikanians know it. witcher dragons are especially awesome

they are the only being, other than cats, that can naturally harness and absorb the force of chaos

there are multiple subtypes, but most dragons fall into one of four: black dragons, green dragons, red dragons, and white dragons.

black dragons are the largest, and primarily live in swamps and wetlands where they bathe in mud. they have extremely hard scales and don't breathe fire, but an acid that causes burns similar to those from mustard gas.

green dragons (right there) are the most prominent yet smallest species of dragon, mainly living in forested areas and breathe highly flammable chlorine gas.

red dragons mainly live in hills and mountain caves and can breathe fire hot enough to melt metal

white dragons are one of the rarest species and live in the far north, and can breathe frost

however, if you watched the witcher netflix as i assume you did, you may remember golden dragons. these dragons are so rare and exceptional that they are not usually included with other species. they breathe steam and fire and can shapeshift into any living being

all dragons communicate through telepathy, although golden dragons can speak when they are in the form of a species that can speak

humans are pretty divided on the topic of dragons, with zerrikanians worshiping them and nordlings hating them.

because they are incredibly intelligent and emotional, witchers (generally) refuse to hunt them

borkh three jackdaws, also known as villentrenmerth, is the only golden dragon we know. there he is right there.

ASSASSINS OF KINGS SPOILERS NEXT TWO BULLET POINTS

the other dragon from twn was a green dragon named myrgtabrakke, borkh's mate. their daughter is named saesenthessis, also known as saskia the dragonslayer (an alias she took to explain her extensive knowledge of dragons) and the virgin of aedirn

because saskia is part golden dragon, she can shapeshift, although is much more limited than her father. she can basically only be a human looking woman with blonde hair or a huge dragon.

cut because this part is getting REALLY long

godlings

ah godlings. i love them so much. they're adorable and precious. they usually look somewhat like a human child, but with blue skin and large amber or green eyes. they don't wear much clothes, their focus is in accessories like jewelry, flowers, or tattoos

that's johnny, a holding in wild hunt.

godlings are incredibly rare, and are easily confused with young goblins. they primarily live in swamps near drowners, but aren't afraid of them.

they're quite mischievous but kind hearted, many have happy go lucky personalities and love just having fun. i adore godlings. i've said it once and i'll say it again.

higher vampires

definitely the most important group on this list, higher vampires are incredibly powerful and intelligent. they can shapeshift within certain limits, generally either looking like a human or a large terrifying bat. they also have some telepathic abilities - they can basically make you fall asleep and forget stuff

scary wooo

higher vampires do not need to drink blood to survive. some don't drink blood at all. when they do, it's like a human drinking alcohol. on full moons, groups of higher vampires go out partying and get white girl wasted

although all higher vampires have the same basic abilities, each individual has one skill they are exceptional in.

most find humans harmless but annoying, like mosquitos. they don't really like interacting with humans, which works out pretty well as higher vampires can blend in very well, even a witcher's medallion can't detect one

higher vampires also have three distinct cultures, the tdet in the far east, the ammurun across the great sea, and the gharasham in the northern realms

they are really really hard (or impossible, depending on canon) to kill. based on the books, you basically need to disintegrate them. based on the games, only higher vampires can kill other higher vampires, but humans can get close

we only meet one in the books, emiel regis rohellec terzieff-godefroy. he goes by regis for short. regis was an "alcoholic" in his youth, and has since abstained from blood or any other substance. he's incredibly old, by the end of twn season 1 he'd be 425 years old. as for regis' "special ability", he's just kind. he's an incredibly gentle and loving person. that's it. i love him.

merpeople

probably one you're already familiar with! merpeople are intelligent humanoids that inhabit the great sea. mermaids are notably gorgeous, having green hair and tails, and their scales are prized alchemy ingredients

sapkowski's mermaids can breathe above water, but the sun burns their skin so they don't stay at the surface for very long.

merpeople are incredibly powerful, they can summon krakens and the sea-dragon like race of vodyanoy respect their authority

they use their own language that's quite similar to hen llinge, but more lyrical sounding.

nymphs

nymphs are a humanoid race primarily based around nature. they have 5 subspecies, dryads (including hamadryads), leimoniad, naiad, nereid, and oread.

dryads, called eerie wives by humans and aen woedbeanna by elves, are the most prevalent, primarily living in the brokilon forest. some have human skin with olive undertones, but others are green. they usually have dark brown or green hair which is usually worn in dreadlocks (breaking my promise of not being overtly and annoyingly political in this series yet again - the dryads, especially in the netflix adaptation, are classic magical n*gress stereotypes. but more on that later.)

this is a lore-accurate one that i LOVE

dryads have incredibly strong connections with nature and magic, although it is really rare for a dryad to be a source. dryads are able to draw energy from trees, but rarely do because they don't want to hurt the trees. support dryads and take the bus.

all dryads are women. all of them. they make babies by basically luring men into the forest and doing the adult hokey pokey. also why dryads aren't really a fan of witchers, who don't make the baby butter (i am so sorry)

however, dryads can also turn a girl of another race into one of their own through the use of magic. the water of brokilon has some mutating quality that makes young girls forget their human past and physically turn into dryads, although it is less effective as the girls are older. the dryads tried to do this to ciri, but given that she's a source, nothing happened. generally, this process is done to girls who wander into brokilon, but some dryads will abduct peasants from outside the forest if they need more dryads.

here's twn dryads... yikes

this is where i think the whole racism thing becomes a bit too obvious. "uncivilized" women who live in the forest and have dreadlocks and abduct young girls from "civilized" areas?? in twn they leaned even further into this, having one of the two black women they cast be a dryad and replacing the usual bows and arrows with spears, a less sophisticated weapon. again, this series is about the lore, not the political implications of it, but it is important to keep in mind

dryads are excellent at archery, shooting anyone who comes within 80 metres of the forest. through their connection with nature, they have highly advanced medicine and use glowing fungi as a source of light.

hamadryads are a specific type of dryad that is incredibly connected with her tree. because of this connection they have exceptionally strong magical and healing capabilities, but will also go insane and die if their tree dies.

like merpeople, dryads use a more melodic dialect of hen llinge

leimoniads are a type of nymph that lived exclusively in meadows, but are practically extinct due to wars with humans

naiads, also called rusalki, are nymphs that live in lakes and rivers, although a few live with the dryads in brokilon. naiads are very similar to dryads, although they tend to have very light skin with very dark hair, webbed hands, and can dry out on land

naiads rarely speak common, live in small groups, and have highly developed telepathic abilities

nereids are nymphs that inhabit the great sea, often living closely with merpeople. they usually have blueish skin with either blue or white hair and have some telepathic abilities, though not to the extent of naiads.

oreads are nymphs of the mountains, which, like leimoniads, are nearly extinct due to human conquests.

succubi/incubi

succubi (female) and incubi (male) are creatures which look like incredibly attractive humans but with horns and goat legs. they seduce humans, first in dreams and then physically, using their prey's energy to sustain themselves, often to the point of the human's exhaustion or death

our man eskel has a soft spot for them...

sylvans

sylvans, another race we already met, are exceptionally rare. like, practically extinct. they live mainly in the woodlands of the northern realms and have goat-like faces with yellow eyes, horns, cloven hooves, and tails

my man torque is quite possibly one of the last sylvans on the continent

they are distantly related to elves, and the two races tend to coexist quite well

generally quite mischievous and merry, highly enjoying pranks and parties. they can use simple spells and are mainly herbivores

sylvans live around 100 years and are highly sought after by dryads for their... ahem... reproductive capabilities

unicorns

yep, we got unicorns! i fucking love unicorns and still kinda think they're real. camels are real and those lumpy fuckers are way weirder than a horse with a spike on its head.

anyways

unicorns are highly advanced beings, they can travel between worlds and use telepathy. they don't really like the "less advanced" races, mostly staying around to observe them. they have distinct societies led by a council of elders and tend to avoid evil

these unicorns are badasses

unicorns strongly despise the use of the force but encourage the power of destiny. in the context of pavetta's betrothal feast, a unicorn would not be happy with pavetta's little source hurricane thing, but would encourage geralt to follow the law of surprise

in of the witcher, unicorns are very important because of their world-hopping capabilities. the aen elle, unfortunately, realized this and began enslaving unicorns to help them plunder other worlds. this turned into a massive conflict between the unicorns and elves.

[thechangeling]

Enough.

So a while ago I made a headcannon post about Ty's sexuality and the autistic exploration of sex and sexual desire. I have now written a fic about it. This ones for Alex @bedspells my very own Alyssa. Also side note I want to make it clear that yes, I still ship kitty 100%. But I've seen plenty of people write fics and headcannons about Kit exploring things with other people. There's no reason why Ty can't do the same.

Edit: Ok a long time ago this fic actually got a hate comment on Ao3 saying that I was erasing Ty's sexuality by having him hook up with a girl because he was cannonly gay due to a tweet CC made in 2013. Now I don't even have twitter and I wasn't a part of the fandom back then. Despite all of that I actually don't really consider that to be the basis of canon? And in the books he doesn't really express interest in anyone except for Kit. So as far as I'm concerned this was fair game. Not to mention gay people sometimes experiment before they realize they're gay. Especially autistic people!! And that was actually kind of the point of this fic. So maybe just keep that in mind going forward. Thanks!

Tw for mentions and discussions of sex.

Ty could count the instances he hadn't been bothered by another person's touch on one hand. This was certainly one of them. It was so late into the night it could certainly be considered the next morning. Anush, Ty and Alyssa had been doing research on Livvy and the effect she seemed to be having on a serge of demonic activity in the area.

Ty was fairly stressed about the possibility to say the least. It felt like everything was spilling away from him. Livvy, his family, his career.

Kit.

He really didn't want to think about Kit but it was difficult. It was like trying to ignore a bleeding wound that everyone kept referring to as a paper cut.

The shining lights in all of this were Anush and Alyssa. Befriending both of them had been the best part of coming to the scholomance.

Especially Alyssa.

Meeting someone who shared some of his thoughts, feelings and experiences was more then refreshing. It was liberating. Talking, laughing and crying with Alyssa about the things that no one else would understand was like a balm for Ty's soul.

At a certain point Anush had announced that he was retiring to bed and they should both probably do the same. Livvy was still floating around the room observing their work. But as time went on Ty had stopped paying as much attention to her. Now he was resting against Alyssa with his head in her lap. She was sitting on the couch in the library, carefully running her fingers through his hair and rambling on about something, Ty wasn't exactly sure what.

Ty reached up to wrap a lock of her long dark hair around his finger, then watched it spring back into place again. Alyssa's hair was wavy but not curly like- like some peoples. So it didn't spring and bounce very well. That was the interesting thing about Ali in general. So many parts of her dress and appearance were so neat and polished and well put together that Ty almost wondered what it would be like to see her more disheveled. What would it be like to grab and twist and pull until she was left with something that wasn't glossy perfect waves.

Ty panicked a little at that thought. Where exactly had that come from? He was now more then ever painfully aware of the fact that he was lying in an attractive person's lap. And his sister was still in the same room.

Ty looked up to search for Livvy but realized that she was gone. Guiltily he realized she could have been gone for awhile now. But he hadn't noticed. Lately he had been feeling further and further away from his twin and he hated it.

"Do you think stars have feelings?" Alyssa asked wistfully. Ty laughed joyfully, feeling so light and and so far away from every bad thing that had happened three years ago.

"Because I was just thinking," she continued. "Like, what if they're lonley you know?" Ty had to smile at the Alyssa charm of it all. Also the autistic perspective might have had something to do with it.

"I don't know," Ty said, sitting up. "Maybe they're like us. Maybe they like being alone." Alyssa pondered this for awhile.

"Well no one can be alone forever," she pointed out, then laughed, rolling her eyes. "God how did we get here? Remember when we were supposed to be doing actual work Ty?"

"Well we were stupid to think that would last," Ty announced matter of factly. Alyssa shrugged and leaned back against the sofa.

"Probably. Once the neurotypical left it was all downhill from there."

"I disagree, Ty said softly, meeting her gaze. "I enjoy spending time with you." Alyssa instantly smiled, the kind of beautiful, honest, heartfelt smile that allistic people wrote poetry about.

Instantly Ty was reminded of someone else, another brilliant smile.

He shook it off.

"Me too," Alyssa finally answered. Then she shook her head. "Ugh feelings. Gross."

Ty rolled his eyes at her and laughed.

Then Alyssa sat up again as she seemed to remember something. "Oh yeah I meant to ask you about Anush. Do you like him?"

Ty shrugged. "Yeah he's really nice. He's become a good friend."

Alyssa shook her head. "No, no Ty, I mean-" She paused. "I mean do you like him like you wanna date him? Or do you have romantic feelings for him?" She asked.

Ty paused. He honestly wasn't sure. He had been trying to avoid thoughts of those types of feelings for a very specific reason. A Herondale reason. But the truth was he did like really like Anush. He enjoyed being around him. Ty just wasn't sure what that meant.

"I'm not sure," he answered honestly. "Maybe." Alyssa fiddled with her hair, rubbing it between her fingers.

"Hmm. Well do you even like boys?" She asked. "I just realised I've known you for five months now and I dont really know what your deal is," she said contemplating. "Like sexual orientation wise. I mean not that it matters, it totally doesn't," she stammered.

Ty shrugged. "It was never really relevant before. But I'm not really sure. I guess I'm fine with whatever." Alyssa beamed.

"So I guess that means you're kinda like me huh? She said happily. "I'm pansexual. Women are so beautiful and angelic and soft and squishy and awesome, but men can be good too," she mused. "I mean men are......men, but some of them aren't so bad. I mean look at you!" Alyssa tossed her hair back over her shoulder.

"Thanks," Ty responded dryly.

"Anyways you know what I mean," Alyssa waved her hand. "So are you attracted to him at least?" Ty sighed.

"Yeah I am," he admitted. "But I don't- I don't want a relationship Ali. I just can't."

Alyssa studied him for a moment. "Does this have anything to do with the Herondale pendent you wear that you always tell me never to ask questions about?"

Ty scowled. "Yes, but I don't want to talk about it." Alyssa rolled her eyes and put her hands up in surrender.

"Fucking shit fuck! Fine!" She complained. "Anyways, my point is you dont need to date him neccesarily. Just have sex with him and see how you feel?"

Ty sat up and faced her. "What?"

Alyssa laughed. "You heard me. There's nothing wrong with causal sex between consenting adults. I mean, if you want to."

Ty felt the urge to stand up to try and aliviate some of the anxiety he was feeling, but he stayed sitting.

"I've never done it before," he admitted. Ty was 19, he knew most of the people his age had already had some sort of sexual experience. But he had always been too afraid. Too afraid of people touching him and demanding things from him with harsh vague bullshit. In Ty's mind it was just another social interaction that he could screw up and then pay the price for it.

Alyssa shrugged. "It's no big deal. Virginity is just a social construct anyways." Alyssa was playing with her hair casually and biting her lip slightly, to indicate that she was mulling something over.

Ty shook his head trying to explain it. "No, it's- I mean see, you say that, but, one of the things I've learned about this world is that social constructs kind of matter to a lot of people." Ty was taping his fingers against his leg and trying to stop himself from shaking. Alyssa noticed this.

"Because people tell you that's it's no big deal and not to worry, and then other people make it into a big deal like it means something, and then everyone's telling you to do something different," Ty explained with a panicked, rushed voice. "I don't know who you listen to, or what to do!" He was moving his hands frantically while he spoke to emphasize his points.

"Hey it's ok," she cooed, inching towards him. "Trust yourself. Or if you feel like you can't, then trust me." Ty felt a pang in his chest. A cacophony of conflicting emotions erupted within him. But mostly he found that despite his better judgement he actually believed her.

They had created something different between the two of them. Something that almost transcended labels or rules or traditional allistic boundaries. Alyssa was like the armor he put on every morning, with the strength and confidence that he wasn't alone in this world. In the midst of all of their jokes and late night heartbreaking conversations. In the midst of this fragile peace they had created, there was something there. Something indescribable.

Something like the sound of the page being turned in one of his Sherlock novels, or the sound of their favourite songs. A connection. A lifeline.

Ty looked over at Alyssa's concerned face and smiled softly. "I trust you," he promised. "I don't really trust many people, but I've always trusted you," he admitted. Alyssa inhaled sharply. She made an interesting facial expression that might have been a facial stim and then gaped for awhile before finally closing her mouth and avoiding Ty's gaze.

"Yeah that's cool. I trust you too," she said casually. She had gone back to pulling at her poor hair which was shedding everywhere. Anush always joked that he could always tell where Alyssa was by following the trail of hair.

"So, about the whole sex thing," she continued rather unceremoniously. Ty had to laugh a little. "Do you think it's something you're actually interested in? Or do you just feel like you have to?" She asked.

Ty pondered this for a moment. "I think I might want to. I just want to be with someone that I trust. Someone who will be considerate of my boundries, you know?" Ty did a quick glance around the room to make sure Livvy was still gone.

"Wait she's not here right?" Alyssa asked anxiously, catching on. Ty shook his head.

Alyssa paused for a moment, looking lost in thought. She was flicking her fingernails against each other and continuing to murder her bottom lip by chewing on it. Finally she looked up at him, looking rather amused.

"Ok. This might just be the exhaustion talking, or the autism, or a combination of both. So if you feel uncomfortable with what I'm about to say, then afterwards we can just forget it ok?" Alyssa sounded serious. Ty just nodded, trying not to be concerned.

Alyssa gave him an interesting look, one that he was pretty sure he had never recieved before. Her eyes scanned him up and down, then she smirked.

"I could potentially offer my services," she said innocently. Ty blinked a few times, then continued to stare at her. She stared back unflinching.

Wait. What?

Ty shook his head in confusion. "Hold on. Wait. You mean-?" He cut himself off. Alyssa nodded with that same smirk. "Yeah I mean why not right?" She shrugged, relaxing back against the sofa. "But if you dont want to then that's totally fine."

"Wait." Ty attempted to clear his head and stay focused. He stayed frozen for awhile, thinking. Then he folded his arms around himself, applying pressure. "Why exactly?"

Alyssa shrugged again. "Well why not? You're hot. I'm hot, and besides you know me," she pointed out. She paused, and then giggled.

"Four hours into investigating the paranormal phenomenon of his dead twin sister and chill, then she offers to take his virginity," she cackled. "I so enjoy our quality time together."

"The way your mind works really concerns me sometimes, you know that?" He asked playfully. Alyssa rolled her eyes at him and shoved him gently.

"Hey you don't have to, it was just an idea," she said, raising her hands in defense. Ty was silent. He was still thinking about it.

"Most people don't really do stuff like this right?" He asked warily. "Like most friends don't just randomly hook up and then laugh it off later."

Alyssa shook her head slowly. "Honey do you see me laughing?"

Ty was conflicted. There was something in him, a new, complicated feeling. A burning desire that nagged at the back of his mind everytime Alyssa bit her lip or pouted.

If he was really honest with himself. Ty could remember another time when he felt this way. But that was different, that was-.

He shook his head. No. Ty wasn't thinking about that anymore. He needed a distraction.

"God I can practically hear you thinking over here Ty," Alyssa teased. "Listen. If it freaks you out to much then we can forget about it. But-." She paused and reached towards him. Their fingertips met and she slowly dragged her fingertips down the top of Ty's hand.

"I want to do this for you because I care about you," she said solemnly. "I want make you feel good. Because you're special, and I dont mean that in the bullshit ableist way. I mean I think that you're special because you have such a big heart and you care so much," she said with a laugh.

Ty felt like he was about to cry. He was taking in long deep breaths trying not to get overwhelmed. He didnt know how to respond to this, this kind of attention and praise. His heart felt warm and tight absorbed in so much fondness and melancholy and regret all at once.

He knew this wasn't anything like what had happened that day on the beach. This wasn't that kind of love that he was feeling for Alyssa and that was a good thing. Romantic love, he decided, was too complicated.

"You deserve good things and good experiences. You deserve to have your first time be somewhere familiar. Somewhere you feel safe, and with someone who loves you." Alyssa wiped her eyes on the back of her hand.

"God sorry for getting all emotional like that," she joked.

Ty couldn't speak, so he just squeezed her hand. He hoped she would understand.

I love you too.

Ty took a breath, then nodded. "Yeah," he admitted. "Yeah I want that. I want you."

Alyssa exhaled, then grinned. "Ok then. Great. I'll see if I can pencil you in sometime this week," she joked. Ty cocked his head to the side in confusion.

"Oh," he murmered, suprised with how disappointed he felt. "You mean later?" Alyssa laughed.

"Well yeah, I mean aren't you tired?"

"Are you?" Ty countered.

Alyssa shrugged. "Hey you know how it is, autistic sleep cycle. I'm gonna be up for awhile. I just figured you might want some time to think."

Ty shook his head. "No I don't want to think anymore. I'm tired of thinking Ali. I'm tired of worrying and overanalyzing everything." His eyes met hers, she seemed a little worried.

She moved closer to him so that she was practically in his lap. "You need a distraction," she said matter of factly. "It's ok." She moved her hands from his arms to grasp his waist.

"Is this good?"

Ty flinched. "More pressure," he replied in a tone that was hopefully not too demanding. Alyssa pressed her fingertips down harder into his skin. A soothing feeling washed over him.

"Good?" She asked, scratching his skin with her fingernails. Ty just nodded, feeling slightly dazed.

Alyssa smiled, lowering herself gracefully into his lap. Everything she did was with precision and grace. Alyssa was a dancer. It was one of her special interests. She had stopped taking lessons a long time ago though because she found it challenging to dance in a group.

She could never copy what everyone else was doing exactly on count when she was supposed to. She was always going off and improvising on her own. There was probably a metaphor in there somewhere.

Alyssa's weight against him was comforting. She was moving her hands up and down his back underneath his shirt while still applying pressure. Ty felt heat beginning to pool in the base of his stomach. He stared at her curiously, taking in her soft curves and her smooth golden skin.

"Can I touch you?" Ty asked, feeling his fingers twitch.

Alyssa moved her hands to his chest. "Sure." She said softly. "Just be careful. Remember pressure and all of that, and try to avoid my stomach area. For some reason it's really sensitive." Ty nodded, instantly reaching for her long wavy dark hair and twisting his fingers around it, pulling slightly. She laughed.

This drew Ty's attention to her mouth. Her lips were cracked and rough looking from Alyssa constantly biting them, but Ty still wanted to kiss her. He had never kissed anyone before. He needed to know what it felt like.

He moved his hands to her shoulders and then to her sides, pulling Alyssa even closer. "Can you teach me how to kiss?" He asked looking her in the eye briefly. She snorted.

"I don't think you'll like it very much," she murmered. "It's not really a good sensory experience. At least not for me. Allistic people seem to like it though."

Ty nodded. "Exactly that's my point," he said, using one hand to cradle the side of her neck. "I need to learn for other people later on." He absentmindedly pressed his thumb into one of the divots in her neck, just to fill the space. Alyssa sighed and dug her fingernails into his chest.

"Ok fine but you're gonna hate the tounge thing," she breathed. She leaned down very slowly and then carefully pressed her lips to Ty's, kissing him softly.

It was a weird sensation but not entirely unpleasant. Ty happily slid his hands back into her hair and began to fiddle with a few thick pieces. Alyssa moved her own hands up his chest to cradle her face, applying pressure with thumbs against his cheekbones.

Alyssa deepened the kiss and slid her tounge into his mouth. Instantly Ty winced and felt every cell in his body seize up. But he didn't stop. He was determined to figure this out. If he wanted to kiss someone who wasn't autistic in the future then he would need to. Ty relaxed his body and kissed her back forcefully, making out with Alyssa until the uncomfortable noise in his head was too much and he broke the kiss.

Ty shook his head and Ali laughed, stroking his hair. "I fucking told you so," she exclaimed. Ty shut his eyes and allowed his breathing to return to normal.

"Ok so that's something we can forget about for now, thank god. The beauty of this whole situation is that we dont have to follow any allistic script for this sort of thing." Ty opened his eyes. Alyssa was watching him carefully, still only centimeters away from his face.

"So is there anything you want to do?" She asked him. "Just tell me and I'll see if we can make it happen."

Ty saw no need to maintain any sort of filter. "Well there are a lot of things actually, but for some reason I really want to bite you," he said pointedly, glancing down at her neck. Alyssa burst out laughing, nearly falling over.

Ty glared at her. "I'm sorry," she gasped breathlessly. "I'm sorry it's just,-," she regained her composure, shaking her head. "I just love how we all used to be the weird kids who growled and hissed at people on the playground if they bothered us and now as adults we're just super kinky. Like it's kind of poetic in a way," she laughed.

Ty rolled his eyes. There was no need to ask what she meant by we. When Alyssa said we, it only referred to one thing.

"I'm sure it's not absolutely every autistic person," he protested. "Also we should move, on account of the fact that this is still a public setting." Alysza's eyes widened as if she had just remembered that.

"Oh right. Shit, as if these people needed any more reasons to hate me. Let's go!" She rolled off of Ty and stood in front if him, holding out her hand. "We can use my room." Ty stayed sitting, taking a moment to fully absorb it all.

He couldn't help but feel the weight of the Herondale pendent against his chest as a heavy reminder. He willed himself not to get distracted. Alyssa smiled at him slightly, almost as if she knew.

"Enough," she said softly.

Ty didn't know what to say to that. He wasn't even sure if their was anything he wanted say. Then finally he understood.

"Enough," he echoed back.

He took her outstretched hand and let her take him away.

@ti-bae-rius @eutony-in-whisper @dianasarrow @dianasarrow @stxr-thxif @talia-lightwood @doitforthecarstairs @thelandunderthehilll @zfoxdraws @waterlillies

[dothwrites]

young human Cas tripping over himself when he first sees young (hunter) Dean with all his jewellery and tattoos and flannel and scars and dazzling smile and beautiful bowlegs

---

Mostly, Castiel’s job at the main desk of the library leaves him with ample time. His job duties are simple--check out and renew books, check books back in, place them in the appropriate carts for reshelving, direct patrons where to go, act as interference for the infinitely more important reference librarians, and straighten up the small cafe area and main lobby of the Carver Edlund University library. As work study jobs go, it’s not bad. 

It can get boring though, on slow nights when patrons are few and far between.

Castiel makes his fifth trip around the lobby. He restacks the disposable coffee cups and straightens the stack of newspapers next to the door. The headline catches his eye and he frowns. No leads on the murder and missing person cases which have struck the town in the past five months. Police are at a loss as to what leaves an otherwise perfectly healthy person dead the next morning, citizens are worried as it only seems to strike young men and women. Castiel is fairly certain that at least two of the victims were students at Edlund University. No doubt he’ll be getting a call from Gabriel soon, in which his brother covers his worry with a large helping of sass and taunts. 

The sound of the door opening provides a welcome distraction. Castiel turns towards the noise, ready to greet the patron. His curiosity ticks upward a notch when he doesn’t recognize the student--Edlund University is a fairly small college and he would have remembered seeing this man around. He’s tall, tall enough that Castiel has flick his eyes upward to look into his face, and dressed in a flannel shirt, study work boots, and comfortable jeans. His hair is floppy enough that he has to flip his head to meet Castiel’s eyes. Despite the smile that the man gives him, there’s also something worried and urgent in the pinch of his mouth. A tiny twist of foreboding curls in Castiel’s chest before he dismisses it. 

“Can I help you?” Castiel prompts. He can tell that this is a patron desperately in need of help, the same way that he can tell that this is also a patron who would never ask for help. 

The man shuffles his feet. “Um yeah, I guess. I--we--had a project to complete, on the history of the university? And I was just wondering where the records are for that?” 

Castiel relaxes into his role, any misgivings vanished. Just a student, albeit a reluctant researcher, and one who probably left everything to the last minute. 

“You’ll find the records for the school gathered in the Singer Reading room on the second floor. Those are the basic ones. If you’re looking for more specific or original documents, then you’ll need to come back in the day. Original documents are kept in the rare books room on the third floor, and I don’t have a key to access it.” 

The man smiles in thanks. “Oh hey, my partner should be along soon. About yea high,” the man indicates a height somewhat shorter to him (though that probably includes the majority of humanity, he really is unnaturally tall), “kinda sandy hair. Probably grumpy. Can you tell him what you told me?” 

“Of course,” Castiel says. By the time that his words have stopped echoing around the small lounge, the tall man has already vanished up the stairs. 

Castiel ticks his eyebrows up, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Students. Always leaving things to the last minute and then assuming that their research is a matter of life and death. To this date, he’s never found a piece of research that could save a life. 

The incident soon disappears from his mind as Castiel settles himself back behind the desk. He flips through the novel that he brought with him--it’s a pulpy paperback, hardly high literature, but it helps to entertain him and make the time go by quicker. 

Castiel ends up so engrossed in the predictable plot (was it the wholesome ingenue or the shady butler who committed the crime?) that he must miss the first attempts to gain his attention. It’s not until a pair of knuckles raps sharply on the desk that he looks up. 

“Hey buddy, I’ve been trying to get your attention. Wondering if you could help me out with something?” 

The man rocks back on his heels, clearly expecting an answer, which Castiel is sadly unable to give him. Simply because this man is the most gorgeous man he’s ever had the fortune to see with his own two eyes. 

Vivid green eyes, the kind that Castiel always assumed were impossible outside of Photoshop stare out at him from a face that looks like it belongs on magazine covers. High cheekbones, pouty lips, and a dusting of sprinkles across the bridge of the man’s nose combine with a strong jawline and a dusting of stubble. The finished product combines the best of delicate and masculine features into a face that Castiel wouldn’t mind seeing on his bed. Spiky blond hair helps to complete the picture, along with a clunky pendant hanging on his chest. When the man shifts, Castiel can see the leather bracelets ringing his wrists, along with two rings (no engagement ring, haha!) glinting on his hands. He’s dressed for the chilliness of the night, with a flannel shirt underneath a leather jacket that looks too big on his frame. He’s wearing boots, not just for show, as the mud caked onto the toe attests to. Castiel’s mouth waters when he catches sight of his long legs, bowed out, just the perfect shape for a body to slot between.  

“Buddy, sometime today, huh?” 

Castiel blinks, his cheeks flushing as he realizes that he was just caught out staring. However, when he looks at the man, there’s a hint of interest sparking in his eyes, despite his sharp tone. 

“I’m, I’m sorry,” Castiel stammers. Twenty-one years he’s been talking and in the face of this man, it all disappears right out the window. “What do you...How can I help you?” 

Sink to my knees, suck bruises into your hip bones, work at the leather of your belt, nestle between your legs, feel those rings as you card your fingers through my hair, suck you until you’re panting--

Castiel blinks when he realizes that the man is talking. He quickly shoves those fantasies away, in a file marked To Be Examined Later. 

“--looking for him, and I was wondering if you’d seen him?” 

“Seen who?” Castiel asks, hating the surge of jealousy that rises in him. He’s just seen this man, there’s no need for that.

The man rolls those green eyes, and Castiel remembers suddenly, the tall man from earlier, who said that his partner would be by soon. He also warned that his partner would be grumpy.

“Tall guy?” Castiel asks, raising his hand perhaps a little higher than necessary. The hyperbole achieves its intended effect; the man laughs, revealing a sunny smile at odds with his surly demeanor. “Hair?” Castiel tries again, ignoring the tiny voice in the back of his mind that sounds an awful lot like Gabriel’s whispering you are not funny, you have never been funny a day in your life. “He had beautiful hair?”

The man’s smile twists into something resembling bemused confusion. “That’s a stretch, but yeah, tall Rapunzel guy. He come through here?” 

“Yes. He should be on the second floor, in the Singer reading room.” 

Castiel tries not to wonder what the two men are to each other. Partners, they’d said, with no implication that it was anything else other than just two random students who got thrown together to complete a project. Still, there’s an ease in the way that each one talked about the other, a instinctual familiarity that only comes when you know someone almost better than you know yourself. 

“Thanks,” the man ducks his head to read Castiel’s name badge and must only make out the first part of it, as he says, “Cas.” He smiles again, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “You’ve been a big help.” 

“That’s my job,” Castiel says, a little surge of hopelessly churning in him as he watches those bowed legs start to walk away from him. “If you need any help, you can just come back down and ask for me.” 

After a moment’s pause, the man turns around, a wicked little grin on his face. “Dean,” he says, gesturing at himself. “Just so you know who’ll be asking.” 

He disappears up the stairs, leaving Castiel to stare after him. Dean. He tries out the name, rolling it around in his mind, fitting it perfectly to the beautiful man. 

Dean. He likes the sound of it. 

[1-800-miss-ur-guts]

Ok so like. Honestly? I think the tramp stamps are getting way too much hate for what they deserve. I'm kind of conflicted about this because on the one hand, I'm not the hugest fan of their music. Kinda neutral on it. Idk punk/pop punk isn't really my jam (i of course do respect people's right to like it! u do u!). And there is undeniably some problematic stuff surrounding the band. The famous lyric in id rather die which has been repeated over and over can be interpreted as tasteless considering they're an all white band. Or wearing dollskill which is kind of a bougie brand and is problematic itself. And of course marisa (allegedly, not sure of the validity of the screenshots) said the n word like years and years ago. While she did apologize in the text post they released like an hour or two ago, i think she could address it on her own in a better way so that it's not caught up in the whole long ass thing. However. So much of the hate they've been getting is just so weird and aggressive. Like just screaming "plant plant plant" over and over again when ppl who personally know the band members and the members themselves have said "we had industry backing yeah, some of us already worked at a label, but we weren't created by a label and we did actually come up with this idea on our own." Just literally a lie. And there's definitely a ton of misogyny and queer erasure - saying that marisa can't call herself gay when she's not lesbian (???) which is super fucking biphobic, and also basically throwing so much shade and invalidation on bi/pan/queer women and saying they shouldn't be allowed to have complicated feelings towards or even some hatred of specifically cishet men because they're still attracted to them. And there's so much worse music out there, there's literally men singing about taking advantage of women and no one gives a shit. Ugh it's so infuriating! I don't get why ppl can't just. Not like certain music. Or a song. Or a band. It's literally not that hard, ppl are allowed to have opinions and not have to ruthlessly slander someone they don't like. I'm not the hugest fan of their stuff but I won't harass them and spread lies about them and claim that a queer member is lying about being lgbtq or send death threats to them. The band should be allowed to make music and explore their feelings about relationships and men and sex and everything even if you don't like their sound or style or think they're cringey. Let them be them! And let their fans be fans! I'm interested in seeing where they take this and if they keep making music. I hope they do because they have important things to say and their music definitely has the potential to make people happy and help them (and it already is!)

Sorry for the long post btw skskfhhdjdjfh I just have a lot of thoughts on this 😭

It's ok I'm fine if people don't like the band and I've seen people talk about their gripes w the band in a mature measured way but the people calling the members gendered slurs and telling them and fans to kill themselves that's over board. Also the gore and porn spam is too fuckin much.

[b-rainlet]

Gotham for the fandom ask thingy.

(I ran here so fuckin fast you have no clue)

Hello anon! :D I will answer this now, so you don't have to wait any longer but also....this would be very nice to answer through gifsets...(maybe when I am feeling up for it).

For now, have this:

(It's not proof read because I just sat at this for several hours and I don't wanna look at it anymore).

Favourite Male Character

You mean...besides the obvious answers?? :D

Ngl, it's S2 Jerome. I love that little twink with his parental issues and his tragic backstory and I wanna see him happy. There's a reason I have a bunch of AUs where he ends up having a family (mostly in the form of Lee as his Mother) and gets some actual help instead of being ostracized for being a mentally ill person snapping after years of abuse.

(This also ties into my very strong feelings regarding the fact that nobody actually helps the people at Arkham. And I don't mean the main villains there, I mean all the inmates who get treated like shit and are left behind on the regurlar (remember in S2 when Arkham was about to explode and nobody was talking about evacuating the inmates???? I do).

Other than that, one of my faves is also Jonathan. Which may be a little surprising because I barely talk about him but he was my favourite character throughout the show and he had way too little scenes.

(Kinda telling that the characters I latched onto are both helpless teens who were fucked over by the people who were supposed to protect them and can both trace their villain origin story back to Jim Gordon not caring enough about them lmao).

But the cast is big and varied enough that I actually like everyone? Butch, Zsazs, Penguin, S1 and 2 Ed, Jervis, Harvey, Jim......I like them all!!

(Special shoutout to 514A too, he was soft and baby and I wanted to keep him safe and sound really desperately).

(Another special shoutout to Barnes!! I didn't expect to like him when I first saw him, given he looked like he was gonna be mean and stoic and all, but I ended up really liking him and his story!)

Favourite Female Character

Let's just pretend Ecco doesn't exist for this answer ajdkaskaslj.

I fell in love immediately upon seeing Ecco but all! the women! are so!!! good!!!!

I especially have a soft spot for the side characters. I mean, upon first watching I got attached to Alice (even though she only features in two episodes lmao), and also Kristen Kringle - who isn't talked about much within Fandom, but she was pretty and her and Ed were actually quite cute but then she had to die for him to become the Riddler which was...pretty much telling us from the beginnning 'The woman here die to advance the men's plots'.

Barbara was also a big surprise to me because I figured she'd be the female love interest and nothing more but!! her and Jerome were the best thing in S2 and also the most entertaining thing about the Maniax Plot. (In several ways, I think I had the most fun watching this show during S2 , it was just. Good).

Also upon being in this Fandom and thinking about certain characters a bit longer I also really like Vicky Vale. And Montoya. And I wish they had kept both around for longer.

(I also wish they wouldn't have made Vicky a love interest for Jim. Or Sofia. No love interests for Jim except Lee and Barbara please).

Also Selina!! I love both Selina and Tabitha with all my heart - which may also be surprising because I barely ever talk about Tabby but I contain multitudes aklskddsm, and while I like sharing my horny thoughts about Ecco, I also love to think about Tabby and daydream about her being happy and exploring her (and Selina's) issues with showing weakness and affection and their strong loyalty regarding people that they trust.

I just.....women. Women good.

(Women also deserve to have more character than just being somebody's love interests and I have enough wips that completely sideline the guys to focus on the woman instead lmao).

Least Favourite Character

I don't have many characters that I hate??

I generally tend to instantly love everybody unless they are specifically made to be unlikeable. (I also spite-like characters who are hated for petty reasons, I just have a lot of love in my heart and not much energy for hate lmao).

But there were characters who annoyed me while I was watching.

For one, I think Gotham has a variety of super entertaining villains, but the main villains of each season tend to be....boring.

Safe for Strange they all kinda fell flat for me. Theo. Kathryn. Ra's Al Ghul. His Daughter. Mostly because their plotlines were less exciting than stuff like Jerome's carnival or Mother and Orphan's Hotel of Horrors.

Or their motives seemed a lot less understandable than the ones of the other Batman villains who pretty much always come from a place of suffering and abuse and break/snap under the pressure that's put on them (continuing this take of Gotham creating its own villains by leaving behind - mentally ill - people that need help, which I think is very true to most - if not all - Batman villains).

And then you have some characters that simply suffer from the fact that the show was cut short - which is pretty much any and every S5 character that had way too little screentime, but in this specific case means Jeremiah.

Because I disliked Jeremiah a lot while watching.

Without wanting to step on anybody's toes, him and Nygma are probably the two characters on this show I ended up disliking the most.

Mostly because Miah felt like a very cheap copy of Jerome and to this day I think it was a bad idea to replace Jerome with him, since Jeremiah - to me - seems like a super flat character.

Maybe if we had gotten him without meeting Jerome first, just having a Joker character introduced in S4, maybe I would've adored him, who knows.

But in comparison to Jerome...no. Just no.

(I will spare you from any longer rambles, but I think if you follow me, I talked about the ways Miah is lacking for me before).

My made up version of Miah though? I love him.

With Nygma it's even worse because I adored him. I instantly liked him. I was 100% behind him right up until the godawful Isabella plot happened and then it just all went to shit so quickly, I couldn't stand seeing him on screen anymore.

It's surprising that I didn't stop liking Oswald but to me, Oswald pretty much stayed the same while Ed became all bitter and hard and I just miss dorky S2 Ed you know?

It actually got so bad, I completely turned my back on Nygm/obblepot as a ship because I was so severly disappointed and I barely talk about Ed because I just can't stand what they did with him.

(Another victim of bad writing).

Favourite Ship

I'm just gonna stick to canon ships because I don't ever shut up about my Fanon ships so you probably know which ones I love the most :D

There isn't much romance going on within Gotham if I think about it - apart from Jim - which I definitely prefer. You wouldnt guess it from my blog, but I am not a fan of too shippy stuff because in most cases it just means sex scenes and I can live without those. I want action! Blood! Dead People! Not a two minute make-out session between two bland characters!

I gotta admit that Ed and Lee have some cute scenes and I would definitely ship them if I didn't dislike S4 Ed so much (S2 EdLee tho?? Yes).

Also I thought Jim and Lee was okay and Baby Batcat was quite cute at times but mostly I don't care about the canon ships.

I do ship Barbara and Jim though :D

I remember right before they hooked up in S5 I was like: 'I wouldn't mind if they got back together' and then went 'yay!' when they did and I wouldn't have minded a little more 'Will they?? Won't they??' between those two and them just having the mother of unhealthy relationships on this show.

(Also Jim/Barbara/Lee poly relationship but we can't have everything).

Favourite Friendship

So many good relationships on this show!

I need to rewatch the show soon because I probably already forgot about most of them but from the top of my head: Oswald/Butch and Oswald/Zsazs

Which were both then done dirty lmao. One by having Oswald be overly petty (one of the few times I was like...Pengy...wtf...) and the other by passing up the obvious opportunity to have Zsazs find out who really killed Falcone and just...letting Oswald and Victor never interact again. 

Then of course Ivy and Selina which also gloriously fell apart. Just like Ivy and Oswald. 

(Gotham isn’t the best when it comes to maintaining friendships). 

And the biggest and most grandious friendship of them all: J Squad. 

(Who have too little scenes together honestly and then also simply fell apart after Jerome died. Consistency who?)

Favourite Quote

I don’t know, I don’t have many quotes in my head from the show. Me and my niece mostly reference: “Yeah, that’s a spoon.” - “IT IS ALSO A FORK!!1!!!”

Also: “Gotta Go! Gotta Go! They’re after me and the Scarecrow!”

(There are some dialogue blurps I have written down somewhere because they are inspriration for gifsets but in order to be able to just recite some of them from Memory, I would have to watch this show way more obsessively). 

Worst Character Death

I don’t even gotta say anything do I? :D

But I think the character death that actually made me cry was Jerome’s first death. I clearly remember crying because...he just wanted recognition! And praise! And instead he was used as a pawn and betrayed by someone he idolized and he was only 18! My poor little meow-meow!

Seriously, the only things that make me cry on this show: Jerome’s first death, any and all mention of Bruce as a baby - told by an emotional Alfred, any and all Bruce/Alfred interaction at all and Solomon Grundy. 

This made me so happy you have no idea Moment

I seriously need to rewatch this show, it’s been so long :D

But I remember being pretty excited for the J Squad Team Up - because I was like ‘If I were Jerome I would definitely work with Tetch and Scarecrow since they’re also in Arkham atm’ and then he did!!

And I also distinctly remember in S3 that I was close to falling asleep right when they scene came on where Oswald realizes his feelings for Nygma and let me tell you - it caught me so off guard, I was awake instantly lmao. 

(I knew that people shipped them but I was so used to mlm ships being popular when they only have a handful of scenes and are platonic friends that I didn’t expect them to actually have a possibility of being canon). 

From then on I was super pumped for them to deliver on that ship but well....we all knew what happened asnksnndk. 

Saddest Moment

Aside from the already mentioned scenes in the character death column, the scene where Bruce leaves and Selina runs to the airport. I always liked Selina but she wasn’t a priority character of mine (much like Bruce isn’t) but then that scene happened and in an instant, I felt super protective over her. 

She is now my baby. My daughter. My beloved wife. She deserves everything and most importantly she deserves better than Bruce Wayne. 

(Coincidentally that was also the scene where I decided I don’t care much about Bruce asldjkjlj. I absolutely adore early seasons Bruce though). 

Favourite Location

There are so many different locations, I don’t think I can adequately answer this with my spotty memory :D

But I always loved the few episodes where Alice features, because I love how her scenes are shot so probably the little carnival Jervis prepares for her.

Also!! Jeremiah's church!

Or Commissioner Loeb's secret house (Especially the Attic).

There are a lot of cool locations, I gotta gif some of them soon :D

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 28: 3x01 Spock’s Brain

Today’s ep was the infamous Spock’s Brain. I’d never seen it before and always insisted I didn’t want to but...this is a complete rewatch so I guess I kinda had to.

As predicted, it was bad. Utter nonsense for a premise and the actual execution shot through with sexism. There were some aspects that I did like but most of them have been done better by other eps--and in any case were not worth the ridiculous basis of the ep itself. Honestly, if I were watching all this live, and I waited months for this, I might have wondered if the show weren’t better off cancelled.

But I would have been wrong because the next ep is The Enterprise Incident so! Sometimes you just need to be patient.

This episode is starting out so strangely. Why is the bridge being shot from all these weird angles? And why do the colors seem...duller?

They really can spy on these other ships, huh?

“My name is Captain James Kirk.” Not breaking out the middle initial today, I see.

Chapel going for the drama as she falls down.

Kirk too, sprawled over his chair. (Makes me think of “The chair is, in fact, not bolted to the ground.”)

This honestly reads like a bad parody of Star Trek.

Ridiculous lines include: “His brain is gone.” “His incredible Vulcan physique.” “In search of his brain.” “Where are you going to look for his brain?” “It was taken out, it can be put back in.”

“Spock’s body is more dependent on his brain” than a human’s. Ummmm I feel like there’s something suspicious in there.

The only good thing about this ep is Kirk’s devotion to Spock.

Seriously why does the bridge look so different? Filming it from a different location changes everything.

When Kirk paces in front of the view screen, it really shows off how small it is.

“The spaceship that has Spock’s brain.”

I like these schematics and Chekov’s little presentation here. Also Kirk can automatically put years to all the planet evolution codes or whatever--like on the one hand, of course he can, that’s his job, but on another... what a nerd.

Honestly these people--obviously, they are underground on the ice planet. Obviously!!! I actually do appreciate this scene in general, with the bridge crew working out a problem on the bridge, which actually almost never happens--it’s definitely the best scene of the ep--but still. It’s obviously the ice planet.

Also, I like that Uhura gets to contribute. She thinks outside of the box, asks the good questions. Don’t just look at the outside evolution of the planet--ask about what the brain could be used for, and where it might be.

“Get there, find the brain.”

Oh no, he accidentally called Scotty Spock :(

“High of 40. Livable.” I realize this is a Russian joke but that’s really not that bad lol. Definitely not an ice age anymore.

“They give pain and delight.” So they’re dominatrixes?

“You are small.” Well no need to be mean about it.

Don’t you have a companion?? Love that that’s one of their synonyms for “spouse” or “partner.”

The alien men look like they’re wearing short jean skirts.

“A dead and buried city on a planet in a glacial age.” That’s a good idea. Could have done something better with that.

Chekov’s still stuck on the no women thing, I think.

Why did they dress Spock in a leftover outfit from This Side of Paradise?

McCoy and his stimulants again, waking up the alien lady after they stunned her. Multi-purpose.

“I know nothing about a brain.” Clearly.

So all the women live below ground, and all the men live above...

Ah-ha, they have found Spock’s voice.

“There is a definite pleasurable experience connected with the hearing of your voice.” This ep is almost worth it for that line.

Also Kirk’s face when he hears Spock’s voice.

I like that Spock is still funny. Honestly he’s probably funnier disembodied. This is a very humorous Spock characterization. “That is a practical idea. It seems unlikely that I shall be able to get to you.”

WHAT IS BRAIN.

They’re being quite sexist, aren’t they? “No engineering geniuses here. Only women. None of these women could ever have done surgery on Spock’s brain.” Like I know it’s that they’re obviously (or supposedly obviously) naive and childlike but like combining that with the sex segregated society and the actual phrasing of these lines (WOMEN?? Engineers?? Doctors??) plus Kirk assuming the Controller is a man (who says?) all creates this like definite sexist vibe while watching. Ugh make it stop.

How can Spock’s brain control everything? They’ve only had it for 5 minutes.

“Mistress.” I told you they were dominatrixes.

Oh yeah Captain Sulu!!

More sexist quotes: “What a way to maintain control over a man.” “I’ve certainly noticed their delightful aspects.” Please stop talking; you’re digging yourselves in a deeper hole.

(Seriously though--I feel like the unspoken world building fact here is that the women need the men for procreation specifically, which is why they capture the men, and then control them--using the “pain belts”--to have sex--the “pleasure.” They probably also use them for other labor, given the presence of the male guards and the line “they won’t help us if we don’t control them” or whatever it was. But surely the delightfulness of the women is more than their physical appearance, is what I’m saying.)

What is the commentary on gender here? Women = scary, dumb, and hot?

Yeah, how DOES Spock’s brain fit into this?

Lol at Spock’s empty body calmly watching them all fighting.

“Science will triumph.” A real lost opportunity in the AOS-verse to have Kirk say this after a bar brawl.

“You are a disembodied brain.” I feel like there’s a (McCoy) joke in here about how he’s reached his ideal state.

His body is the building. (I was right, I totally called this plot point as soon as Spock started talking about his incredibly large body and how his brain was still doing things like regulating oxygen. I must say... this is not a bad idea, except for the brain stealing part. Like there’s something in there, the idea of the complex as a body, powered by a brain. Idk.)

So basically Spock is taking another opportunity to insult Bones’ medical skills. Oh Spock, never change.

I feel like Bones is enjoying his Spock puppet, on some level.

“Pain bands.”

Use the Spock puppet, Kirk! Use it to fight the lady alien!

“The controller is young and powerful, perfect.” / “How very flattering.” LOL I can’t believe this is real.

“You took his brain. You will put it back.”

So the alien lady puts on the spiky helmet and now she’s suddenly smart. I hate thissssssssssss.

(I actually do think the idea of old knowledge stored outside of the... brains...of the current generation, for their own protection, as decided by the paternalist elders... is not itself a bad concept. Of course it’s also a concept that other eps did better, like The Apple or For the World is Hollow or even Return of the Archons. Again, combining it with all the gross things they said about women earlier just leaves a bad taste. Even though--even though!!--we don’t know who the elder people were. Like, was this a matriarchal society that saved the women in the underground because they were better? Or was it a patriarchal society that put the women in the underground because they were considered weak and in need of protection? I rather assumed the second, but I think there’s some evidence for the first, in particular, that the story reeks of Sexualized Male Fear. What’s a better combination of hot and scary than a matriarchy of women in short skirts?)

“Got your gun.” (But the other way around.)

“Our need for the Controller is more important than your need for your friend.” That sounds an awful lot like “The needs of the many outweigh needs of the one” and we all know what Kirk thinks about that. That said, he’s really not...engaging with her facially fair argument at all.

“No one may kill a man. Not for any purpose. It cannot be condoned.”

Love Scotty’s acting skills. Gotta get this gun back really fast--create a diversion by fainting! But not too much!

I do love McCoy. He’s an adventurer too. He pretends he’s not but he jumps at the chance to discover and learn. He will not hesitate to put himself in danger if it’s for the common good or to protect his friends.

“Put the teacher on.”

Now finally Kirk is engaging with the fate of the society he’s encountered lol. Like, again, he’s not wrong; they’ve stagnated under the computer/controller and it’s not moral to steal from someone else to keep your comfortable and boring life going when you could just do the work yourself, but coming this late, it feels like an afterthought. It’s also weird that she just like stood by and let them take Spock and his brain after all that to do about...not letting them have the brain. Like at the end of the day she was not so inept. Also, they never explained what happens to all the knowledge in the teacher. One would assume they’d have to access it--or not? They’re just to start from scratch? Also legit I guess. And finally... all I can really hear, in the emphasis on integrating with the men again, is “You’ll learn how to develop a society naturally and also about heterosexual sex wink wink.” (Except that as I said... I think they know about that.)

I see McCoy’s regretting that “child’s play” talk now.

“Give priority to reconnecting Spock’s vocal cords.” Yep that’s how the brain works for sure.

Wow Spock really does have to do everything himself. Including operate on himself.

“This Vulcan is telling me how to operate.”

How did he operate without...opening Spock’s skull... in any way??

Not to question the verisimilitude of Spock’s Brain lol.

Everyone’s being so rude--Spock is providing valuable last minute exposition/explanation about this weird-ass society!

It’s always odd when they don’t return to the bridge. Like, they’re not going to collect Chekov?

That was... something.

I liked a few things: any excuse for Kirk to be devoted to Spock; the humor Spock showed; I liked the bridge scene where they looked at the map of the planets; and I liked certain things about the premise of the episode, although, like I said, most of the general aspects (post-disaster society, reliance on computers, etc.) had been done better in other episodes. I liked the look into the Male Brain lol.

What I didn’t like was how outright ridiculous the basic catalyzing event was--Spock’s brain has been literally stolen like??? Are you kidding me? That led to a considerable amount of dialogue that read like a Star Trek parody. Did not like that. And of course, as I said... the sexism. I think I’ve unpacked that enough. It didn’t need to be sexist, and you can explain it in a way that’s not, but the vibe sure was. It was like... well a lot of TOS is like this imo. You can give it an A (or at least a B) for effort, but what comes out is so obviously tainted by the sexism of the creators. Like, for example, how they say they believe in women who are just as capable and professional as men, but struggle to show it. This ep wanted to show a matriarchal society but it wasn’t really a matriarchal society--it was a Freudian dream that was all about the male psyche and what it most fears and wants.

All that said.. the next ep is a D.C. Fontana creation featuring one of my favorite TOS Ladies, the Female Romulan Commander, so I will be receiving a consolation prize.

Also the AOS verse is still more sexist and doesn’t have an excuse I said what I said.

[hasereshdoneanythingwrong]

Hoo boy

Time to get myself cancelled in the F/GO community.   Hot take: I didn’t hate Agartha, in fact I liked quite a bit of it. 

Warning; long post ahead, read at your own peril.

Sure the villain was kinda obvious from the start, especially given how it was preceded by Shinjuku, and sure it had some moments that were less than stellar and people write it off without hesitation.

But I think a bit differently. i think that Agartha, while not the best of the Psuedos, was still good in its own right. It had a story to tell of a land underground that would be an explorer’s paradise. A world full of women, adventure, and thrills. Your character being dropped into this world without any sort of understanding or background leads to an admittedly slow progression of the story itself, but you’re not alone, and that’s the important thing.

When you arrive, Astolfo and D’Eon by your side, you have essentially what amounts to be an interesting party ahead. Astolfo being who they are is on full display, the lack of reasoning and common sense clearly shown while deliberately shown to be what people often perceive them as. An idiot. Astolfo has a strong moral compass and even remarks themselves that living without common sense and reasoning isn’t bad, they just go with what they feel is right. And I love that.

On the other hand, there’s D’Eon. D’Eon is not like Astolfo, they have their reasoning intact and hold themselves to a high standard as a knight. Their thoughts and actions reflect in a polar opposite manner to their comrade. Where Astolfo works off their essentially gut feeling, D’Eon works off of logic and honor. D’Eon in Agartha works as a perfect foil to Astolfo, and it’s played very well.

The two of them, in my mind, redeem the entire story of Agartha and its downfall. Their character development and interactions together are so well written. I admit, there are some lines that are played for jokes that clearly don’t land (Mash tries to have you identify D’Eon’s gender being one such instance). 

I don’t excuse these lines being poorly written. Some things just don’t work well and are poorly received, I understand the concerns on that front. But solely judging Agartha on that feels like it’s a little too harsh.

It wouldn’t be fair to not mention mini Fergus. Fergus MacRoich, an Ulster King known for bedding beautiful women and wanting to indulge himself, appears as he was when he was younger. A dutiful king-in-training learning what it is that makes a king. His introspection on the events unfolding throughout the singularity show a perspective we’re not used to seeing. A look from outside Guda’s own viewpoint. It’s rare for us to get a deeper introspection from someone other than ourselves on the situations before us and I think that’s very refreshing.

I’m going to skip ahead some or else it’s going to sound like I want to psychoanalyze every servant, which i don’t. Not now, at least, so let’s skip forward to the pirate city on the water, Y’s. A land without consequences and in which the residents are told to never care about anything. Want everything, keep nothing. What an odd viewpoint for someone that looks like Drake. Imagine a pirate who does nothing but take. They don’t even keep what they take, and just taking and taking without ever reflecting on their hoard. It’s a gluttonous cycle to hoard as the pirates of Y’s do. Their society being focused on such principles brings a strange light to the world you’re in. Your base in this Singularity wants for nothing and is content with what they have in terms of supplies, so to go from that to wanton greed is a bit shocking.

Next we talk about the Nightless City, a place brilliantly lit up in a dark region, its lights covering it’s terrifying truth. The men here are beaten and publicly executed for not being subservient. One man rats out another for his own safety from these punishments. This mentality of self preservation is an unnerving one. Someone being outed by their fellow man, no pun intended, solely because it will keep themselves alive. It’s what I would describe in some senses as grotesque. 

Now we’ll stay in the Nightless City for a minute to talk about another point of contempt; the costumes for D’Eon and Astolfo. Yes it’s cringey that a sailor outfit and maid outfit are used for two androgynous characters in order to make certain kinds of people more appealed to them. Did their behavior during this time not entirely match their established character? Yes. I don’t defend this specific portion, but I find the Nightless City is what most regard as the downfall of Agartha. Not only for these previous reasons, but also for the design and handling of Wu Zeitan. I don’t defend this either, I don’t defend the overt sexualization of characters that appear to be children in any manner. That’s wrong and should be treated as such. 

Now for the Amazons. I liked this finale, if you could call it that. Ending the main adventure by facing off against the strongest group in a military sense, with Penthesilea being your boss fight this time. Using Megalos Herc was an odd choice in writing, using a natural disaster essentially to fight the Queen of the Amazons seems like overkill, but she was certainly a difficult enemy. D’Eon and Astolfo get a beautiful sendoff for their teamwork and it’s written so well I could cry. D’Eon confessing that the exploits of Astolfo filled their imagination during their childhood, having grown up on such adventures in stories. Astolfo and D’Eon don’t even fight the boss with you, they work alone from you to buy you time with nothing but themselves to hold off the amazon horde.

Now after this, I admit, was painful. The Megalos fights were one of the worst fights I’ve had in FGO. It was too difficult for me for a long time and stalled me out, but I hardly consider one fight to condemn a story. The Demon God Pillar fight, unfortunately, was also terrible. These two fights, in my mind, were the worst parts about Agartha and why I say it’s not the best, but still not as bad as people make it out to be.

Now that I’m at the end of my rant, of which I’d like to admit, was a little overboard, I’d like to thank you for your time. I would love to see how you actually felt about Agartha to enlighten me about people’s concerns and issues.

[triptychexe]

TRIVIUM - PART 3 - DEBUT MINI ALBUM [2016]

TRIVIUM is the third and final unit to debut from Triptych’s first generation with their debut mini album PART 3. With a significantly more hip-hop and rap-focused sound in comparison to the two previous Triptych units, TRIVIUM brings a new layer of talent and meaning to the super group. Covering hard-to-swallow topics like gender roles and societal double standards, TRIVIUM hits hard and makes waves.

△ TRACK BY TRACK. 

1] BERLIN 

The decision to make BERLIN their debut song was a power move. Not only does the song have a very distinct and recognizable sound that drags listeners in, but it sets the vibe for TRIVIUM’s energy.

All three members had a hand in writing this song.

The line distribution can be found here

2] SAVAGES

In this hiphop-influenced track, TRIVIUM has a back and forth debate between rappers Van and Cal over if human nature is inherently good or evil, giving examples of highs and lows in society.

Doubled with a strong chorus, thought-provoking versus, and irony twisted into more than a half the lines, this song can be seen as an ironic commentary on what people see as ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.

Written by all three members.

3] WHO I AM

Trivium talks about their past and how it had shaped them into who they are today. This song is like the last goodbye to their old selves, ready to let go of the past and move on.

This track also acknowledges that admitting ignorance isn’t something that you should be ashamed of, as you can only change as long as you’re willing. 

Written by all three members

 4] BACK OFF

 Ura, the only woman in this subunit, took it upon herself to write a feminist anthem for their album. It’s basically a response to all the times Ura has had a man be patronizing towards her. Van and Cal act on the track as supporters, but the song is mostly Ura focused. 

The first song on the album where you actually hear Ura rap and get to see her lyricism play out. One of Ura’s lines mentioned snapping kneecaps. Everyone’s afraid of her now. 

Written by Ura

5] BITE

This song is all about wanting someone that’s not good for you, but you keep coming back. 

The non-gender specific pronouns in the song show that this song can be about any type of relationship, regardless of gender or if it is a romantic or platonic relationship. 

Written by Van and Cal

6] MEN/WOMEN

All about gender roles and how they’ve hurt them as they’ve grown up. Since they are the first co-ed unit from Triptych, they took it upon themselves to address double standards/gender roles.

This one caused a bit of a discussion, especially since it directly calls out the double standards in the kpop industry.

Written by all members. 

△ THIS ERA.

So... Trivium easily got the most attention out of Gen 1.

Mostly because they’re a co-ed duo that covers topics that aren’t discussed super openly.

But also because they’re really good rappers. Like, all of them. And their stage presence is really intense. 

Ura doesn’t rap as much as she would have liked to this era, as they needed her on vocals to break up the tracks a little since neither Van or Cal can sing very well.

Trivium were given the title ‘un-idols’ - which is both a term of endearment as well as a critique, depending on who uses it - because of their unwillingness to play up the role of a significant other at fan signs as well as their general aura.

Idols are supposed to be like... ‘perfect’ at all times, and Trivium just doesn’t do that? Like they wear the worst outfits to the airport, fansites have pictures of them waiting in line for street food (and then chowing down on said street food), and the way they talk to fans is so casual? 

This attitude turned off some fans, but it brought in a whole new wave of support, especially from international fans who felt like Trivium were relatable. 

The most popular member this comeback was easily Ura. Not only was she the only girl, so she visually stood out, but she was the one that often went viral for fan-zoning fans who asked her to be romantic with them.

She also received the most criticisms, but she really didn’t care. She wasn’t going to make herself uncomfortable for the sake of others. 

Cal got a good amount of attention too because of his accent and his looks. Cal has a very slight British accent when he says certain Korean words and people just... lost it over that.

Van kinda sunk to the background this era, but he doesn’t really mind. He just wanted the kids to have fun and have their time to shine. :) 

As far as numbers go, Trivium breaks records for Triptych by gaining 10 million music video views in the first 24 hours as well as having BERLIN chart on Melon upon release. 

△ ERA FASHION. 

I promise this is the last era that Triptych wears color-coded outfits. I promise. The company was trying to see how the color-coded concept would work and gen 1 was the guinea pigs. 

When Artychs saw how lacking Trivium’s debut outfits were.... they almost rioted at HBH. They already were accusing HBH of picking favorites and not giving Trivium equal treatment. 

But the truth is... Trivium picked their debut stage outfits. Yes, they’re bland, but Trivium wanted their debut to feel like friends were finally meeting up for the first time, hence the casual clothes.

The button up shirt fits tho.... that made a few bitches go feral. That was an exquisite serve. 

The award show fits were nice too! Ura stunned bitches pulling up with her short blazer dress and fishnets. Van had really cool dress pants with designs on them and Cal wore a color that wasn’t black! It was monumental!

As far as hair goes, Ura had short black hair with wispy bangs. 

Van had black hair and almost always wore a wide headband on his hairline.

Cal’s hair was usually just styled into tousled brown curls and called a day. 

△ FANDOM BEHAVIORS.

I’ve explained triptych stan culture before (basically the fandom is kinda divided? like some fans only support certain subunits, others support all of them, etc.) but I think Trivium was what really made that divide clear. 

Trivum just sounds different than S.O.T and Tromme, there was gonna be people who didn’t vibe with their style. But that’s kinda the point of Triptych, to like.. get different sounds involved in their discography.

And some gross fans didn’t like that Trivium made it clear that they don’t want to be sexualized by fans, so they just decided to ignore them and focus on S.O.T and Tromme, who hasn’t spoken out about being sexualized by strangers online. 

People also started calling Van a ‘smol bean uwu’ (hello 2016) and started like... infantalizing him?? even though he’s a grown ass man??? does he LOOK like dan OR phil to any of you???????? 

Fans also started calling Cal a fuckboy and played him up as this big meme just because he’s goofy. I will never forgive y’all for that.

Pick Mes hated Ura because if anyone’s ‘one of the boys’, it’s Ura and they were jealous. But she literally has to be one of the boys. It’s apart of her job. 

But the artychs that do stan Trivium are probably some of the chillest people ever. They are literally just vibing. Trivium stans are dubbed as the ‘stoners’ of the fandom as a joke.

And OT9 stans overpower solo stans by a LONG SHOT, so don’t worry! Trivium received more love than hate from artychs. There were just a few bad eggs that ruined shit. 

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Chasing Fyre

This hot mess of a fic is brought to you by this hot mess of a discussion.

Azula lays in the grass, staring up at the sun...the moon? She isn’t sure what she is staring at, but it is an orb and it is in the sky.  What she is looking at is neither the sun nor the moon, but a paper lantern that sways in the breeze. This is boundlessly alarming for the princess because she has never seen the sun move like that. Usually the sun sits in a fixed position. Perhaps, she decides, she isn’t looking at the sun at all. Perhaps she is looking at Sozin’s Comet coming back because it too knows that she has been cheated out of her crown. Azula grins, this time, she will have victory! But then it dawns upon her that she has never seen a comet hang in one place for so long.

She rubs her head, it is beginning to ache. She takes another hit from her cactus juice joint. It has been prescribed to her to calm her anxieties and alleviate her stresses.  Though they advised her to use it only in moderation. Which had been going well until she’d met that weird flying monkey thing. She should have known not to trust it, it is after all, the Avatar’s pet. But she had run out of her medicinal cactus juice so she didn’t refuse  when the creature perched itself on the window and said in a voice that was alarmingly deep for a creature so small, “five gold pieces and I’ll get you the stuff.”

“Just this once, lemur.” She had vowed.

“You can call me M0m0. But with two zeros instead of O’s.”

“Just this once, lemur.” She had repeated as she fished out five gold pieces.

As fate will have it, the lemur’s cactus juice is much stronger than the medically regulated joints she is used to. And so the princess finds herself unfathomably and helplessly high as fuck. She flops down and tries to remember where the hell she is and how the hell she has managed to free herself from that institution again. Especially considering how heavily they have cracked down since her last escape. She wracks her brain but each blade of grass around her has something to say.

“You’re pretty, Azula.” “You have nice eyes!” “Those asylum robes look great on you!” “You deserved to be fire lord.” “You are the fire lord.”

At this, Azula perks up. “I am?”

“You are to me.” That particular strand of grass gushes. She smiles at the strand and plucks it from the ground. It grows silent. She has killed it. She begins to cry softly to herself. Another friend lost.

.oOo.

“We’ve decided to try something different with her.” The head doctor speaks.

“What are you trying?” Zuko asks.

“Medicinal cactus juice.” The man replies.

“And…” Zuko prompts.

“It was going well.”

“Until…”

“It stopped going well.” The doctor smiles nervously.

“Can I see her?” Zuko asks.

“Ah...well, that’s part of the problem. You seeeeee���.she...uh...she escaped.”

“Escaped!?” Zuko throws his hands up. “Have you started looking for her.”

“We have not. But we think that we know where to start.” He pauses. “The princess has grown quite fond of Chong & The Singing Nomads.”

Zuko curses to himself. He and Mai have had several discussions already and they have already decided that they would be staying far, far away from that crowd and their bad hair and lack of hygiene. And their overly lax mannerisms and their constant spouting of peace and love bullshit. Both he and Mai are well aware that peace is for Air Nomads and love is dumb. They do not love each other, they simply not hate each other. “You don’t really think that she went there do you?”

The doctors trade glances. “We think that she did.”

.oOo.

“Do it, Azula, follow your dreams.” The remaining blades of highly motivational grass chant. “Achieve your goals!”

Azula, feeling highly lethargic, stands up anyhow. With each enthusiastic encouragement, the princess finds herself feeling more inspired even if she’d rather lay back down and stare at the swaying sun.

“You can do it!” Shouts a blade of grass that sounds like it belongs to a burly earthbender. It sounds that way, because it had come from an earthbender. The Boulder to be specific, he is shouting at Toph as she tries to deadlift Appa who is being ridden by Raava. But Azula does not know this, so she attributes it to the blades of grass. And she decides that she will. She will go out and do what she had escaped to do. What she had always wanted to do. What she had been born to do! She is going to meet her favorite band and she is going to join them!

She supposes that this is much easier said than done considering how many bands are in attendance.

.oOo.

The scent of incense hangs heavily in the air. A breeze rustles the beaded curtains that act as the tent’s door. Moku leans back, humming to himself.

“C’mon man.” Chong drawls. “We just need one more good joint, man. And we’ll write one more jam it’ll be totally groovy, man.”

“I don’t grow for free.” Momo scowls. “Do you know how hard it is to ditch that bald headed, twinkly toed, monk?”

“It’s godda be tough, man.” Chong admits.

“I gotta act like a muffin...a complete square. If my homies saw me prancing with that loser they wouldn’t ride with me anymore. So when I grow, I gotta make bank. I ain’t makin’ bank with you.”

“Bummer, man. Listen, just hang tough and in the mean time pass us another joint and you can jam with us.”

Momo pulls out a glock. “You pay up or Imma cap yer ass.”

“What a downer.” Says Lily.

.oOo.

Azula wanders aimlessly, she has been wandering for some twenty minutes now. Though she has not made it very far. She circles the same tent for the fourteenth time now; she does not realize that it is the same tent because every time she makes a lap around it the design shifts.

Azula frowns and folds her arms over her chest. And then she extends her arm. She crosses them over her chest again. She extends her arm once more. “Arms are weird.” She says to herself. She bends and unbends her arm several times. “We-eird.” She whispers in a lazy sing-long.

She shakes her head, she has to stay focused. She looks around. The place is disorientingly crowded. People sit shoulder to shoulder on checkered blankets. They braid each other’s hair and weave flower crowns. Some make bead jewelry and others make love.

Azula narrows her eyes, just who makes love while wearing socks. She tip toes up to the woman and tugs her socks off.

“Hey! What are you doing!?” The woman shouts.

Azula bolts. Bolts meaning lightning bolts. She does not run. Running is for lil’ bitches. And Azula isn’t a lil’ bitch expect for when her therapist brings up her mother then she is kinda, in fact, a lil’ bitch. At the very least, she cries like one.

Having freshly charred a woman, Azula wanders off. She is carried on a cloud of music. Music! Her objective comes back to her.

.oOo.

“Welcome to Fyre Fest, the Fyre Nation’s most far out festival!” Guru Pathik greets. “Onion and banana juice?”

“No thanks.” Zuko grumbles. He wishes that Mai would have come along, but he could convince her to ‘enter that hippie hell land’. He’d even snagged some My Chemical Romance tickets from another dimension entirely and she still sent him off on his own.

He looks around. In ever direction is some new monstrosity and none of them are Azula. He sees men and women running around with their bits exposed, the more conservitive of them place leaves and flowers but just enough of them to cover what needs covering. He sees men with long hair staring into lava lamps that they heat and bend themselves. Across the way a woman offers to predict the future via seeing it in smoke. Zuko is certain that a helping of cactus juice is involved with those visions. But it isn’t what he sees that horrifies him the most; it is what he hears. Pan flutes and harps play out of sync to a singer who may very well be tone def. She bellows a ditty about loving one’s self and loving one’s potted cacti.

He covers his ears. He has to find Azula fast, before she can do something that will have the nation talking. Because if the Fyre Nation citizens get to talking then word will get to his father. And if word gers to father… Zuko shudders, the man is a week away from getting out of prison and if he comes back to his perfect, can-do-no-wrong daughter completely stoned…

.oOo.

Azula wanders towards the music. There are, in fact, many songs playing all at once--most of them come from the various stages or from within the tents. But there are at least two songs that play in Azula’s mind only; these songs are indescribably horrifying they are played at a frequency very low so as to induce a sense of horror and foreboding. But Azula is used to them and has actually taken a liking to them.

She ignores these songs for the time being and tugs open one of the tent flaps. She pushes the beaded curtain aside. It is vacant except for an air of failure and a perfume of incense. Azula can see the failure, it is all around and there is so much of it. So, so much failure. She stumbles back and out of the tent, she trips over a bong and falls on her ass, this doesn’t deter her any. She continues her hasty retreat away from the failure before it can latch onto her again.

It chases her clear across the field. She is so busy looking at the failure behind her that she doesn’t notice the failure in front of her until she collides with  him.  “Oh, hi Zuzu.” She greets before remembering that it is probably not a good thing that he has found her. Before he can turn around she picks up one of the rugs, lays down, and throws it over herself. It is only large enough to cover her face.

“Azula...” Zuko says through gritted teeth. “What are you doing here?”

“I am not here. I am back at the institution where you left me.”

“You’re right here, I can see you.”

“No you can’t.”

“Yes, I can.”

“No you can’t.”

“Yes I--okay, no, I’m not doing this with you again.” Zuko hisses. “You’re right here in my field of vision.”

Azula does not understand, she is perfectly hidden. Zuko snatches the blanket from her face and she screeches. Zuko winces at the hideous noise. She seizes the opportunity to dash.

.oOo.

“Wait, no!” He hollers.

But Azula is fast, she has always been fast. Why the hell can’t she be clumsy and uncoordinated like every other stoner he has met.

“Hey, man, you need some chase music?” Chong asks. He still has plenty of time before his performance.

Zuko is about to say no, but Chong plucks at his dramyin and begins a fast paced and frenzied tune. As Zuko persues Azula, Chong persues him. Lily chases Chong and chasing Lily is Moku who is being chased by Momo, who is chased by Zhao, who is chased by Vaatu who is trying to drag him back to the depths of hell where he belongs.

Zuko doesn’t notice any of this for he is hyper fixated on Azula who has flung herself into a pile of flower petals and is army crawling towards one of the stages.

“I did it!” Toph shouts loudly. Zuko looks away momentarily to see Toph standing proud, holding Appa above her head, arm pit hair blowing in the breeze. Zuko gags, he has only heard legends about armpit hair that long. He wants to cry. Even if Mai would let him, he couldn’t even grow his pit hair out that long.

.oOo.

Azula smirks to herself, she knew that it was a good idea to sprint past Toph! With Zuzu well and distracted she makes her get away. It is time to begin phase two. Looking back at her brother, she knows that she doesn’t have much time, the shock is already wearing off.

She snatches up a flower crown and a peace sign necklace and takes a seat upon one of the quilts. She gives a loud and forced laugh, “yeah, I totally get it.”

Chan and Ruon-Jian turn to look at the weirdo who has just invited herself into their circle. They don’t remember her arriving at the festival with them, they aren’t even sure if she is real. “What are we doing?” She asks.

“Oh, we’re just hangin’ loose, ya know?” Chan says.

Azula nods but she does not understand. She has not immersed herself in enough Fyer Festival culture to know what that is supposed to mean. She watches Chan pass Ruon a joint. He takes a puff and passes it to the girl next to him.

“You want a hit?” Chan asks when it gets back to him.

“My therapist says that partaking in acts of violence is detrimental to my healing process.” Is what she would have said if she weren’t so high. What she does say, because she is high, is, “yeah, sure man.”

“Far out.” Chan nods with a smile. He gives her the joint and then gives her finger guns.

Before she can bring the joint to her lips, Zuko snatches it. Azula frowns. “How did you find me so quickly?”

“First of all, I know that laugh anywhere. Second of all, you walked like two feet away from where you were before!”

“Can I hit you?” She asks.

“Wh-what?” Zuko sputters as Chan leans in and whispers something in her ear.

She nods and says, “oooooh,” and turns back to Zuko. “Do you want a hit?” She holds out the joint.

“No!” He throws his hands up. “I’d rather let you hit me in the face or something.”

Azula frowns to herself, she has to ditch him somehow. She steals another blunt from Chan and takes a drag, in the hopes of getting a burst of inspiration. She watches the smoke trail up to the clouds. She snaps her head back down, she knows that if she looks up now that the clouds will begin to take shape and that she will end up watching them for hours. The smoke alone is hypnotic. She sways drunkenly back and forth with the smoke. The smoke… Her lips curl back into another wicked grin.

She lets a burst of fire erupts in her palm. Zuko gives a jolt and she does to. She thrusts the flame much too close to his face. “Look at this!”

“I see it.” He carefully pushes her hand away, the grimace never leaving it.

“LoOk aT It!!!” She repeats.

“I see it!”

“Why is my fire water?”

“What?”

“Why do I have fire that is water???”

“It’s…”

“wHY DO I HAVE FIRE. THAT IS WATER!?” She asks with more volume. Now she is holding the fire too close to her own face.

“Throw me.” The fire crackles. “Throw me and I’ll set you free.” She launches a ball of fire, it lands upon a tree and bursts into song. Azula gives a lopsided smile. “My fire can sing.” She declares.

“Why don’t we go home where it’s quieter and you can hear it better?” Zuko offers.

Azula chuckles. “I know what you’re trying to do Zuzu. But it’s not going to work because I’m smarter than you.”

“Maybe when you aren’t high.” He mutters.

Without warning she catapults herself into the air using twin jets of fire. She gives a yelp that is equal parts elated and fearful. She has never felt so free. She lands relatively gracefully and continues her mad dash away from her overbearing brother.

Her excitement subsides and she resumes her aimless wandering. She gets the feeling that she has strayed far from where Chong & The Singing Nomads are performing. She is growing anxious, if she misses them then she will miss her chance to make a name for herself. If she can’t sing then how the hell will she leave her mark on the world. If she can’t sing then she will be forgotten by society.

“You can do it.” A blade of grass reminds her.

“I can do it.” She whispers back.

A pungent spicy odor wafts in on the breeze. She doesn’t know where it comes from but it is rather enticing.

.oOo.

Zuko races through the crowd, people try to sell him banana juice, scented candles, butt scratchers, and something that looks curiously like his father’s favorite left sock.

“No thank you!” He says before the next merchant can speak. He is not interested in band T-shirts--he doesn’t even like this kind of music.

“And here I thought that you’d like some honor.”

Zuko comes to a dead halt. “Honor?” he asks. He clenches his fistrs. No. He doesn’t have time for this. He has to find Azula, if he doesn’t than he will lose more honor than he can ever hope to buy.

He makes his way around another tent as the man calls, “wait! It’s buy one get one free.”

He finds his nose graced with an absolutely heavenly aroma. It is strong and spicy and he follows it to a tent brimming with all sorts of luxurious foods. The meats go mostly untouched. That’s how he knows that Azula is not yet fully immersed in Fyer Fest culture, there is still hope for her. She stands by the roast duck with a fist full of fire flakes in her mouth.

He never imagined that her downfall would be a case of the munchies, but he will take a victory where he can get it. She looks up from her snack and  makes eye contact. He isn’t sure if the look of horror in her eyes is because he has found her or if it is because he has caught her doing something far less than dignified. She finishes stuffing the flakes into her mouth and darts off.

.oOo.

The sun is on its way down and she knows that she is running out of time. But she no longer remembers what she is running out of time for. She doesn’t think that it matters. Why would it? She has water fire and encouraging blades of grass that say kind things to her in spite of all of her flaws. They also don’t seem to judge her for eating fire flakes in such a barbaric manner.

“Hey, man, you’re gonna miss the show.” Chan says.

“The show?”

He loops his arm in hers and leads her towards the main stage. Azula grins, she will finally get to see Chong & The Singing Nomads and she is going to do it with an absolutely gorgeous hunk of a man.  He pats the grass next to him.

Azula takes a seat.

“Fire flakes?”

Decidedly, she still has the munchies, so she takes the bowl.

.oOo.

Zuko doesn’t find his sister again until Chong & The Singing Nomads begin singing their most popular hit. It is at this time that  Azula rises. Like a phoenix out of the ashes, she propels herself up on a wave of blue fire. But only until she notices and gets startled by  the color of her fire again. “If I’m a waterbender then why am I at Fyer Fest?”

“Because everyone is invited to Fyre Fest.” Chong calls up.

“Everyone?” Azula asks.

“Everyone.” Chong confirms as he plucks his instrument. “We’re all one, man. We’re all the same.”

The crowd claps. Azula claps. Mai does not clap, because she hates this band and she is enraged that Zuko has been gone long enough for her to grow concerned enough to arrive at Fyre Fest and find him.

“You are terrible at this.” She remarks. “It has taken you all day to find Azula and I’m able to find both of you in under ten minutes.”

“Just...just help me get her home!” Zuko practically begs. “She’s a mess and…” His eyes grow wide when he turns his attention back to her.

“Azula, don’t you dare!”

She halts, mid pull, with her hands gripping the hem of her shirt.

“Father will kill me and then he’ll kill you, and then he’ll resurrect me with spirit water and kill me again!”

.oOo.

Azula’s eyes glimmer with delight, she loves a good murder! With that threat in place, she hastily tugs her shirt over her head and tosses it to the side. A steady stream of fire, from her feet holds her up right.

Zuko’s mouth hangs open in shock and horror. “Azula, put your shirt back on.”

She spares it a glance before lighting it on fire. She hated that uniform anyways. She feels so liberated! Everyone else at the festival is naked, she doesn’t know why she shouldn’t be! She has always wanted to feel the heat of her fire upon her bare skin. She is about to pull her pants down when a tendril snakes over her arm. “Don’t do it, princess.”

“Raava?” She asks.

“You will regret this later. Get down from there and go find yourself a shirt.”

She narrows her eyes, “don’t tell me what to do you gaudy, glowing, kite...thing.” She sputters.

Rava, growing tired of the princess’ antics, and already peeved from having to chase Zhao down, swats Azula out of the sky. She lands with a thud and Chong’s drummer plays a quick ‘bu-dum tiss.’

“You’re ruining my dreams!” She shouts at the offending god-kite. “I just wanna be free and no one wants to let me.”

Raava pets her head. “Shhhh...it’s okay. Have some…”

“More cactus juice?” She asks hopefully.

Raava sprouts herself a pair of eyes so that she can shoot the princess a judging stare.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Azula folds her arms across her chest. “You’re just jealous.” She doesn’t know what she thinks Raava is jealous of, but she knows that she is right in her assumption.

.oOo.

Zuko wraps a blanket over Azula’s shoulders. “Let’s get you home.” She allows him to walk her towards the festival’s exit. Now that she is thoroughly exhausted, she is a lot easier to manage. The biggest hassle she puts up is leaning into him as she walks. She does so until he is pretty much carrying all of her weight. “A little help, Mai.”

“Nope.” She replies. “I just came here to watch you struggle.”

“Come on, I have to get her out of here before father finds out.”

Mai shrugs. “Sounds like a you problem.”

.oOo.

“I saw Raava.” Azula murmurs sleepily.

“That’s what happens when you accept drugs from questionable lemurs.” Zuko replies.

“That lemur is the Avatar’s pet.” Azula defends. “I thought that I could trust him. It’s like Mai and TyLee all over again…”

“Don’t make me get your therapist.” Mai threatens.

Azula waves her off. “Raava was really there…”

“And you’re really a waterbender.” Zuko grumbles.

She crosses her arms and pouts. “I hate you.”

“I saved you--both of us--from dad’s wrath!” He declares. “I chased you all over that hippie…”

“Hellscape.” Mai fills in.

“I chased you all over that hippie hellscape, had my eyes assaulted by Toph’s free flowing armpit hair, and denied a chance at buying my honor to save yours.”

For a moment she considers thanking him, he truly didn’t have to go that far to save her dignity. But he is still Zuzu. And she is still his younger sister so she instead replies, “I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“Dad would have killed both of us and you’re not even going to thank me?”

Azula sighs, she supposes that it is good that he didn’t let her embarrass herself and that her reputation and relationship with her father will remain unblemished. “You let me yank my shirt off.”

Zuko sighs. “Okay, most of those people were so high that they won’t even remember…”

“I remember and I was high.”

“Honestly, they’ll probably think that it was part of their trips. As far as they know, you’ve been here the whole time.”

A wave of relief comes over her. “Which means that dad will never find out.”

Little do they know, Ozai has already escaped prison and has been Chong’s drummer the whole time.

.oOo.

Ozai takes a long hit of his cactus juice joint. What a night that had been! And here he had thought that he would disguise himself as a nomad, escape prison, and resume his quest for world domination.  And that is just what he intends to do. He is going to conquer the world with far out music and a funky fresh beat.

In his wildest dreams he had never imagined that  the singing nomad life is for him. He has already grown the beard and long scraggly hair for it!

“So, man, you gonna talk to that lemur for us?” Chong asks.

Ozai shudders. He has faced the Avatar and has had his bending yanked away from his very soul. He had been given a vision of his death and an afterlife in the most horrific end of the Spirit World. But the fear he had felt then doesn’t compare to how looking into Momo’s eyes makes him feel.

“Nah, man. We’ll just pay up.” Ozai shrugs. “I’ll just get some gold pieces from the palace treasury.” He makes a note to do that after he yells at the absolute messes that he has for children. It is the only way to ensure that they never find out that he had attended Fyre Fest and will attend it again.

He doesn’t want to think too much about that right now. Instead he takes another hit of his joint as Moku threads another daisy into his beard.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Aladdin Queen fic John Deacon x reader Chap. 8; Love is formed

*Author’s note*

Okay everyone here it is, my most FAVORITE SONG OF ALADDIN AND MY FAV. PART TO WRITE. And since I love both versions of this song SOOOO much I leave it up to you all on what you want to listen to. Whether its the OG or the LA version I’ll have both links up for you all to enjoy. So I’ll shut up now and let you all get to it and OHHH CHALLENGE ESP. TO US GIRLS!!! DON’T. SING. JASMINE’S PART!!!!! Since you the reader are basically Aladdin’s part you’re gonna have to sing the male part while Deacy takes over the female vocals hehehe. So hope you all enjoy that challenge :)

OG version

LA version

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@psychosupernatural​

@waddles03​

@ixchel-9275​

@georgesgentlyweepingguitar​

@queendeakyy​

@simonedk​

@kairosfreddie​

@geek-and-proud​

_________________________________________________________

After the party Freddie and I were in my guest room with my pacing around and Freddie brushing out his hair with his disguise now dropped.

“He just—walked out.”

“Perhaps I might’ve gone too far with the splits, but darling let’s be honest here. That dance was probably the best thing you will ever do in your entire life.”

“I was pretty good wasn’t I?” I bragged still remembering the look on that bitch Priyanka’s face as she tucked and run. But then I thought back to John, I mean nothing seems to impress him and I thought all royals loved treasures or women fighting over them. “But nothing seems to impress him.”

“I know. Not gems or jams or jewels. I mean if I can’t impress him, I wonder who can?” I looked out of my balcony to see just across from my balcony was the Princes’ balcony.  I saw John with Roger and Jim and the three of them went back into the room.

“What are you saying Freddie?” I asked as I turned towards him.

“I’m just saying maybe just try being yourself.”

“I already told you, he has to marry a Princess.” I sighed as I turned back towards the Princes’ balcony. “If I only just had a few minutes alone with him.” Then an idea came into my mind. “You have to get me over there?”

“That an official wish?” he asked me as he shook out his hair and turned towards me.

“No it’s more of a—favor. For a friend.”

“Sorry dear, genies really don’t do favors.” He said as he turned back towards the mirror and observed himself. “Plus we don’t really do friends.”

“But I thought you said you never had a friend like me.”

“See that’s where you’re wrong (y/n). I said you never had a friend like me. See when you’re a genie, people always want things from you it’s just—awkward.” He placed a turban on top of his head and modeled it wondering if it looked good on him.  That’s when I got a clever idea.

“Yeah, you’re right. Besides it would’ve involved distracting a—certain animal keeper to the Princes.”

“Oh-ho I see where this is going you clever minx, I hook you up, you hook me up, right?” Freddie said as came up in front of me with a wide smile while I just grinned back at him.

*3rd Person POV*

Now back in his disguise Freddie appeared at the Princes’ door and extended his hand outwards to the door, then using his magic he made three knocks sound off before they opened to reveal Jim.  He was surprised to see the advisor to the Princess and Freddie greeted him with a smile.

“Good evening.”

“How did you get past the guards?” questioned Jim.

“Oh I uhh—I snuck past them.”

“All 48 of them? Even the ones that spit fire? Impressive.” Jim said in a blunt tone.

“Well—that’s what people say about me.” Freddie chuckled nervously. Jim however just gave him an unimpressed look. “Oh that—that came out arrogant didn’t it? I mean I’m not overly arrogant or a prick I just I don’t know why I said that. Uhh….” He then saved himself by bring out from his back, a small bouquet of roses.

“They’re lovely.” Jim awed. “He’ll hate them.” Jim then suddenly spoke with a blunt matter-of-fact tone. “Tell the Princess that the way to Prince John’s heart is through his mind.”

“Actually these are from me—to you.” Freddie said. Jim’s face softened and he said softly.

“Could you excuse me for one moment?” Jim said as he reached for the doors and slowly closed them.

“No, wait I just….” Freddie tried to save himself but the doors closed in on him before he could say another word.

Jim remained calm as he slowly turned towards the Princes before finally letting go and silently pumping his arms up and down in victory.  John, Brian and Roger also mouthed out a cheer for him.

Meanwhile from the hallway Freddie turned his head angrily muttering to himself.

“‘Not that I’m overly arrogant’ really Freddie? That made you sound like a right up arsehole basically.” The doors opened up and Freddie turned back and smiled at Jim.  Jim took the roses and said.

“My favorite, I plant these all the time back home for the Princes garden. You may continue.”

“I was noticing of how—pleasant the evening is. At the party I noticed you noticing…me how—pleasant I am. Right, how is this going?” Freddie stammered awkwardly before asking cautiously.

“It’s clumsy. But in a…..charming sort of way.” Jim answered him honestly.

“A stroll.” Freddie blurted out. “Would you like to take an evening stroll with me?”

“Just the two of us? On purpose?”

“Yes, as people.” Jim was silent once again before whispering softly.

“Just one more minute.”

“Okay.” As Jim closed the doors once more, Freddie muttered, “Why the fuck would I say that?” as the doors fully closed he turned aside and softly growled “That woman is contagious!”

Inside the room, Jim tossed the bouquet over to John who caught it and he gestured and mouthed out ‘go’ to Jim.  Jim opened the doors once again and he said to Freddie.

“I’ve never really been on a stroll, how does it work?”

“Follow me my dear and I’ll show you.” The two men then walked side by side of each other, their hands briefly rubbing off against one another.

*My POV*

“I’m happy Jim finally found someone while we were here.” I heard Prince Brian say from the balcony.

“Yeah, he seems to be happy with Ali’s advisor. He looks like he’s a lot of fun, maybe I’ll ask if he’d like to go for a ride in the gardens.” Prince Roger spoke.

“You know you just wanna interrogate the poor guy in case he hurts Jim.” John’s voice spoke up.

“I just care about Jim’s wellbeing. I mean remember that one arsehole that used him to get to us, mainly you Brian.”

“I’d—rather not talk about that thank you Rog.” I then decided to make my presence known so I knocked on the corner of the wall and I heard John say.

“Come in.”

“Actually I’m already in.” I said cautiously as I came around the column pillar.

“Don’t move!” John warned me.  That’s when I saw both the lion and lioness stand up and growl at me, but the lioness seemed more protective as she looked like she was ready to attack me.

“I just came back because you left so…..”

“How did you—get there?” he asked curiously. I closed me mouth and said the first two words that came to my mind.

“Magic carpet?” he just scoffed at me.

“I, for one, am glad you’re here though Princess Ali.” Spoke Prince Brian as he stood up holding some sort of creature in his hand.  It looked kinda like a mongoose of sorts but it wasn’t like anything I’ve ever seen before. It was big, probably the size of a domestic cat, it had grey fur for the back but black on its underbelly, around it’s face was white with black lines along the eyes.

“You are?”

“Yes. For hours I’ve been trying to find Ababwa but it doesn’t seem to be on any of my maps. Care to show me?”

“Well I…..”

“Yes. I would also like to know just why your kingdom isn’t on any map.” John spoke up as he crossed his arms.  As I took a step forward, the lioness took a step forward while the male lion softly roared. “Now Nala. You and your brother can’t eat the princess tonight she needs her legs for dancing.”

“Did I go too far with the split?” I asked as I finally began walking forward while the two big cats were distracted.

“A little. Ababwa?”

“Yes.” I spoke loudly before finally muttering to myself, “Freddie I need to find Ababwa, they have maps, lots of maps.” I cleared my throat as I finally stood by the two princes and picked up the map and held it over my face in between me and John’s face specifically. “Ababwa, of course.” I remained silent for a bit before finally saying again, “Ababwa.”

Finally I saw a cartoon drawing of Freddie on the map in his genie formed and he waved at me.  He then began flying about and I followed his frantic movements as his genie tail began drawing random kingdoms at the center.  Along a banner it read ‘WEMBLEY KINGDOM.’

‘Not funny Freddie!’ I mouthed at him.  He then waved another banner in big bold letters that read JUST BE YOURSELF, his drawing scowling at me with his arms crossed. ‘Fred enough of…..’ John’s hand came on top of the map and he bent it over as he told me.

“Have you lost your country?” oh Allah say something you idiot.

“What no? No! No not at all its……” I set the map down trying to stand between the map and John. “It’s right here.” I pointed in a random spot. His brow rose skeptically as he said.

“I don’t think so, see I was with Brian when he was—” he looked down and low and behold Freddie had drawn the fake kingdom of Ababwa and gotten rid of the other drawings he had done, even his drawing was gone.

“There it is!” I exclaimed cheerfully.  John and Brian hovered over the map and Brian said.

“How did I miss that?”

“Well I mean who needs maps anyways? They’re old, and useless and add no practical value.” I said as I took the map away from the desk.

“Maps are how we see the world.” Brian said as he set down his pet.

“But I thought a prince could go anywhere?” I asked. All three of them had solemn faces as Roger finally spoke up.

“Not these princes unfortunately.” John especially seemed to look the most solemn and heartbroken.

“Well, if you’d—Prince John I’d gladly oh!” I felt a brush up against my leg and a soft bite on my shoe.  I know it wasn’t intentionally at my foot per-say, but I did feel small teeth nibble into my skin.

“Ahh Lulu naughty girl!” Prince Brian scolded as he came up and picked the creature up.  “Sorry, she’s always been a curious little badger but I’ve never seen her act like this before.” Then just before Brian could catch her, she went between my legs, her medium sized body knocking into my heels sending me towards the ground.

“Oh dear Princess Ali are you…..” just before Brian could help me up, the male lion stood between him and I.

“Simba! Nala!” Roger proclaimed as I was now surrounded by two massive big cats.  The female lioness standing right over me growling right into my face for a bit till it suddenly softened.

The male’s face also softened and soon the female slowly licked my face from my forehead down to my chin.  The two of them softly bellowed a soft roar as I said.

“Thank you…..Nala.” I scratched the side of her face and she leaned into my hand and accepted my scratches while Simba came up and plopped right down beside me and raised his paw up and wrapped it around my neck which ended up bringing me down and forcing my face to be buried into his dark mane.

“Incredible.” I heard Brian mutter.  Once I had my fill of lion snuggles and managed to break free of their loving grips, I adjusted myself and said as I walked out towards the balcony.

“I was saying you should really see these places. I mean there’s a whole world beyond books and maps. Do you want to?”

“How? There are guards at every door.” John stated bluntly as he looked at me.

“Who said anything about using a door?” I said as I walked towards the railing.

“What are you doing?” John’s tone turned into an alarmed tone as he came down the steps.

“Sometimes my English Princes, you just—have to take a risk.” I said as I swung over to the other side of the railing before finally letting go.

*John’s POV*

We all let out a gasp as Princess Ali just fell to her death.  All was quiet as I looked from side to side.

“Please tell me we didn’t just witness a suicide.” Spoke Roger.  Suddenly slowly rising up sitting perfectly fine and alive was Princess Ali on top of a—no way they really do exist? I thought these things were just stories.

“Is this…..” I asked as I walked up to her.

“A magic carpet? Yeah.” She scooted closer to the edge of the carpet and said to me, “Do you trust me?” wait a second. Did—did she just say what I thought she said?

“What?”

“Do you trust me?” she said again as she extended her hand out to mine.  I turned towards Brian and Roger and they nodded and gestured for me to go on.  I turned back towards Ali and gave her my hand as I said.

“Yes.” She then helped me onto the magic carpet. The two of us sat down on top of the magic carpet and as Nala came up towards the balcony bellowing out a whine, the carpet took off flying over the entire city.

It was then I heard Ali beginning to sing, and my god she—had the voice of an angel.  The only other voice to sing so sweetly like that was my mother.  We flew through the tight alleyways of the Agrabah city and I couldn’t help but be in awe of the city at night.  When I turned back towards Ali, she had a small plum petunia in her hand and she held it out to me.

I took it and sniffed it as it’s delicate scent tickled my nose as we continued to fly through the rooftops of the city now before flying high into the sky.  Going up and over the clouds before slowly diving back down through them, like whales breaching in the ocean.  Even going as far to fly across the moon.

*Ali*

I can show you the world Shining, shimmering, splendid Tell me, my prince, now when did You last let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes Take you wonder by wonder Over, sideways and under On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world A new fantastic point of view No one to tell us no Or where to go Or say we're only dreaming

        I then began to feel the song in my heart as we continued to fly high over the clouds.  Soon the magic carpet even handed us some armful of clouds for Ali and I to hold.  

Never did I dream that I would actually get to hold a cloud it was more—fluffier than I imagined.  Kinda like feeling stuffing.

        As Ali’s cloud broke apart, I released my cloud go as we spun around a cloud making it into the shape of whipped cream topping before doing a loop-de-loop.  We now flew alongside a flock of cranes and I couldn’t help but extend my arms out, it was then we were briefly tossed off the carpet before being caught again, doing somersaults as we went higher and higher into the diamond lit sky.

*Me*

A whole new world A dazzling place I never knew But when I'm way up here It's crystal clear That now I'm in a whole new world with you *Ali*

Now I'm in a whole new world with you

*Me*

Unbelievable sights Indescribable feeling Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world

We flew straight down from the sky and through the clouds to see a river coming up.  I closed my eyes but she took my wrists and gently took them away from my eyes as we flew right over the water before going back up towards the sky to see the city of Agra.  The Taj Mahal standing so proudly just ahead as we flew over it.

We then flew far out of the city towards the open desert to see a herd of wild horses running freely.  As we got closer to them, I stroked the youngest stallion underneath his chin and he whinnied while we flew on ahead of the herd. *Ali*

Don't you dare close your eyes *Me*

A hundred thousand things to see *Ali*

Hold your breath - it gets better *Me*

I'm like a shooting star I've come so far I can't go back to where I used to be

*Ali*

A whole new world *Me*

Every turn a surprise *Ali*

With new horizons to pursue *Me*

Every moment red-letter

Now flying over the Indian ocean we both looked down to see the dolphins swimming up to the surface doing their breaching technique, the moon bouncing off the water gave it a beautiful glow and as I looked towards Ali, the moon also gave her an ethereal beauty, especially from her raven hair to her bright (e/c) eyes.

We turned to face each other as our song came to a close and I could feel my heart beat just a little bit faster at seeing her eyes shine like the stars under the moonlight. *Both*

I'll chase them anywhere There's time to spare Let me share this whole new world with you

*Ali (Me)*

A whole new world (A whole new world)

That's where we'll be (that’s where we’ll be) *Ali*

A thrilling chase *Me*

A wondrous place *Both*

For you and me

We leaned up against each other, my head on top of hers and her head resting against my shoulder as my hand gently took hers and they intertwined with each other’s.

After seeing the world we stopped right back into the city of Agrabah to see the people having a celebration of their own in the middle of their city.  A large bonfire was at the center, drummers banging on the drums in rhythm while the people danced in a circle and cheered.  I looked over to Ali and took off my white vest and draped it over her shoulders to keep her warm.  She turned to me and smiled in gratitude.

“Of all the places you’ve shown me tonight this is by far the most beautiful.”

“Sometimes you just have to look at it from a new perspective.” She answered.

“It’s them. The people. No matter what skin color they are, they make it beautiful. And they deserve to have an ally who knows that. I don’t see how that ever could be me.”

“Because it should be you.” She answered.

“Do you really think so?” I asked as I turned to face her.

“Does it really matter what I think?” she said as she tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, much like how (y/n) did a couple nights ago.  

But it—it couldn’t be her. Could it? So I decided to test something out.

“You know,” I slowly moved my arm around her waist. “It’s a shame that Abu had to miss this.”

“Nah, he hates parties, besides he’s……” she stopped talking and I saw her face fall. So it was her. It was (y/n)!

“I knew it, you are (y/n)! Why did you lie to me!?” I said as I backed away from her.

“John I’m sorry.” She pleaded.  No she doesn’t get any mercy from me.

“Did you really think I was stupid? That I wouldn’t figure it out?!”

“No, no you’re not stupid I was just….”

“Tell me the truth. Is your name (Y/n) or Ali?!”

“I’m Princess Ali.”

“So (y/n) wasn’t real?”

“No she is! Because I’m also (y/n). I—just use the name (y/n) for when I need to disguise myself amongst the commoners. To—escape the pressures of palace life.” I just looked at her with a skeptical glare and I asked her.

“Why didn’t you just tell me the day we met?”

“Well I mean you know—royalty going out into the city in disguise it sounds kinda strange don’t it?” well she’s got me there. I mean after it was my idea that Roger and I dress as commoners to escape the palace just shortly after we had arrived.

“Not that strange.” I said as I gently nudged her shoulder with mine.  “I’m sorry I snapped at you. Is just I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you.”

“It’s okay. People just don’t see the real you when you’re royalty.” Don’t I know that much.  We looked at each other and that’s when I returned the favor and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“We should—” she started off.  I looked down at her and she continued, “We should head back.”

“Already?” I sighed and that’s when Ali had the magic carpet take us back to the palace.

We arrived back at my balcony and I could see the lights were off, so I’m hoping Brian and Roger are asleep by now.  Ali helped me off the magic carpet and handed me back my vest and that’s when the magic carpet lowered itself down.

“Goodnight, Princess Ali.”

“Sweet dreams, Prince John.” She said softly with a soft smile.  Slowly the two of us began leaning forward when suddenly she was pushed right up into my face.  Well I guess I’ll have the thank that magic carpet tomorrow.  I then leaned the rest of the way and softly kissed her lips.

She kissed me back and it felt like an eternity before the desperate need for air became necessary.  I pulled away before giving her a warm smile and turning my back on her to walk into our room.

*3rd Person POV*

After the kiss and John turned back into his room, (y/n) extended her arms outward as she whispered.

“Yes.” Before falling back onto Carpet who flew away from the balcony and (y/n) let out a giggly, whooping cheer.  However she was unaware of Iago who had witnessed the entire thing.

“Fascinating.” He crooned darkly.

Back in her room, Carpet stopped right at her balcony where Freddie now in full genie mode was drinking a cup of vodka and he said as he saw (y/n)’s face.

“Ohh I love that face. Good date?”

“The best.” She answered with a reply.

Meanwhile in the Princes room Roger and Brian who were still awake while Jim was preparing John for bed, John said to them.

“But it was better than the best.”

“Wow Deacy, who would’ve thought you had it in you.” Roger praised.

“However the thing was Roger we’ve actually met her.”

“Wait what do you mean?”

“He even figured out that I was (y/n). You said that wouldn’t happen.” (y/n) told Freddie.

“Well genie magic is really just a façade. Eventually real characters are always gonna show up. But that’s a good thing, right? Now he knows.”

“Well…..” she dragged out.

“Wai—hold-hold up now. What?”

“She told me that she was only pretending to be a thief to escape the stress of palace life, but she’s really a Princess.” John explained to Roger just after Jim finished brushing his hair. “Thank you Jim, you can retire for the night.”

“Thank you Prince John. Good night boys.”

“Night Jim.” Said Brian.

“G’night Jimmy boy” Roger called out as Jim left their bedrooms to go to his sleeping quarters.

“And you believed that?” asked Roger.

“I think so.” John said as he got into his bed.

“(Y/n) darling, eventually you are going to have to tell him the truth.”

“Eventually I will tell him Freddie. But anyway, how was your stroll with Jim?”

“Oh no, no, no you are not turning the conversation around dear.”

“I’m not I’m genuinely curious. How did it go?” Freddie looked at me skeptically but when he saw that I wasn’t lying to him, he proceeded to tell me everything.  He seemed to really like Jim, and heck maybe by the end of it all, maybe they could end up together.  Sure it’s frowned upon but love is love and that’s how everyone should live their lives, right?

Brian turned to his side to face John and asked him.

“You don’t think that maybe you want believe her because you have to marry a Princess, but can’t marry a thief?”

“No Brian. I believe her. I do.” John said affirmatively.  He looked up at the ceiling before sighing softly and shutting his eyes to rest for a new day.

[earwaxinggibbous]

Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019

So 2019 was kind of a weird year, wasn’t it? Not just for like, life, though it was weird in that aspect, but in music.

I can’t tell if 2019 was an incredibly strong year for music or a weak one. This, to me, is a sign that we’re transitioning into a new era of popular music. The youth are once again taking the reigns of the music scene as did the punks of the 70′s and the grunge kids of the 90′s. Meanwhile, the oldheads flounder for relevance in the face of this new adversity. “Nobody could’ve expected this!”, said no-one ever.

There was a lot of great pop this year, which I will get to, but there was also a lot of bad pop. All of it was either by shitty new artists who have no talent or previous hitmakers swimming around in their own piss. Regardless, it was all interesting to look at. You won’t see any “this entry is short because this song is boring” sections. I also won’t have to rant and rave constantly about the reprehensibility of certain artists, though it will come up. So I guess 2019 was a better year to talk about bad music.

Less do dis.

10. Senorita - Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes

I can’t explain why I hate Camila Cabello so much. I didn’t even realize I hated her until, like... now.

I thought Havana was okay, and her work with Fifth Harmony was tolerable, but every other single she’s dropped has been fucking excruciating. Bad Things sucked, that one song where she can’t pronounce the word “heroin” properly sucked, and this song sucks.

Much like Selena Gomez above, Camila Cabello is yet another female singer who lacks the ability to display any chemistry with anybody, even her actual real friend Shawn Mendes. As well, like sister Gomez, she fills the chart niche of sexy Latina women for men to drool over. “I love it when you call me senorita” is one of the corniest and stupidest lines ever written. She may as well have said “it gets me hot when you call me Ms. Cabello” because that’s essentially the equivalent. 

There’s nothing sexy about the airy whimpering or the obnoxious “ooh-la-la”s or the way Shawn harmonizes, which implies he also loves it when you call him senorita. Nobody actually bothered to think any part of this song through because nobody ever thinks very hard about writing Camila’s songs. Otherwise Bad Things wouldn’t have accidentally sounded like an abuse anthem when it was supposed to be kinky and sexy. And it’s how creepy lyrics like this got by in Senorita.

If he says you’re just friends then you’re JUST FRIENDS. Did we learn nothing from Ann-Marie and Marshmello last year?

This is just yet another lame, plotless, meandering love/sex song by Camila Cabello who has a good voice, but only ever performs these god-awful sex jams with no sex and no jam. And it’s unfortunate because this is sort of the lot dealt to most Latinx artists. Pop-friendly artists like Camila are divvied up into racial categories without anyone even noticing, and most likely she will only ever write and perform sex jams because that’s what a Latina woman in pop is pushed into. Not that I think she has any problem with it, it’s more indicative of a bigger problem than specifically one with Camila herself.

People have been sexualizing the Latinx community since the dawn of time, and while the new movement of Spanish music might change this, it sure as hell hasn’t started yet.

At least it isn’t seven minutes long like Te Bote.

9. Money in the Grave - Drake and Rick Ross

Drake had 25 hits last year, and only one of them was a song I might say I actually like. I remember I said there’d be no boring songs, but... Drake hasn’t been interesting in a long time. Even when I found out about his secret son, or the fact that he was with a significantly younger woman, I just kinda shrugged and said “oh”. Drake has to be on his way out. How much longer are people going to stand this?

Money in the Grave isn’t as turgid as 2018’s Nonstop, or as audibly inept as the 2017(?)’s Pop Style, but God. At this point, every Drake song sounds the same. The man is incapable of bringing forth any kind of emotions, his beats are pathetic drum loops, nothing he writes has any personality. It’s almost funny how boring his music is.

Rick Ross, if you remember him, was known in his time for writing shouty drug dealer anthems. He yelled a lot, and I was sitting with bated breath waiting for him to fucking 6ix9ine scream over this track, only to be disappointed when he lowered into a calmer register for this tune. Drake even made Rick Ross boring, and Rick Ross is one of the funniest bad rappers I can think of, aside from like, Soulja Boy.

I no longer understand what niche Drake fills. You can’t dance to this, you can’t get high to it, nobody’s gonna think you’re cool if you enjoy it, the lyrics aren’t even passably interesting. It’s the same rap cliches as always, perhaps with a new coat of paint, but said paint is the same color as it already was previously, and makes no change. 

No wonder Drake endorsed Lil Baby. Nobody else can equal his talent at sounding bored.

8. Bad Guy - Billie Eilish

So here’s an unpopular music critic opinion: I don’t like Billie Eilish.

I’ve known of her for a long time, and never once has she drawn my intrigue. I’ve gone all over asking people why they like her, and I’ve heard all sorts of answers. Her voice is good, her lyrics are good, her production is interesting, her subject matter is deep... whatever it actually is, I couldn’t tell you. But in the end, I basically feel the same way about her as I do about Twenty-One Pilots. She’s an artist in an oversaturated micro-genre who, despite being of lower quality than her contemporaries, managed to do something different enough that she rose up in the latter part of the genre’s life. In Billie’s case, it’s the trend of female alt-pop singer-songwriters who write about things like politics, feminism, and ESPECIALLY mental health.

Lorde was the original, but we also have Lana Del Rey, the more pop-friendly Halsey, Marina and the Diamonds, the dreaded Melanie Martinez, to some extent even Alessia Cara, just a whole bunch of them. They all had their own unique personality. Billie Eilish’s personality is that she has none.

Okay, I’m being a little mean. I do think that Billie’s music videos are actually very interesting, but good music videos does not a good musician make. Her voice is more of a phlegmy whisper than people let on, and her lyrics... like, what, what makes them so special? And why didn’t wish you were gay get ANY backlash when it’s basically just a backwards version of Little Big Town’s Girl Crush?

Bad Guy is the worst of her singles without question. Its beat, much like most of her songs, sounds like two people accidentally banged on top of the Cassio and somebody pressed record. Her voice continues to be boring and flat, for some reason she has to whisper everything, and the lyrics are some of the most mind-numbing shit I’ve ever heard. Which moron at corporate told the 17-YEAR-OLD to write a “steal yo man” song where she threatens to seduce my dad? Like, ignoring my own personal history with my dad, you are literally a CHILD.

Generally speaking, the song sounds like someone gargling mouthwash in my ear for a minute or two, but like, very quietly. Which is kind of pathetic for a song called Bad Guy. You sound like a pretty average guy to me.

It’s obvious from the music video that Billie’s main inspiration is grunge, and if that isn’t the case I’ll be surprised. The weird imagery and intentionally dressing like a homeless person to every public thing she does gives off big Nirvana energy. One could argue that Billie Eilish is a good segway into teaching the youthsters about the ghosts of music’s past. There’s just a few problems with that.

One: Bad Guy sounds nothing like a grunge song.

Two: Billie Eilish does not have a grunge voice.

Three: Billie Eilish just... isn’t doing it right.

Billie Eilish’s parents are two wealthy actors and she was basically born with the ability to get into the business easier than other people. I’m not saying that you can’t be a grunge artist if you’re wealthy and have a decent family life, but I am saying that Billie’s music doesn’t convey any kind of grunge appeal. There’s no roughness or rawness to it because she could immediately walk into a producer’s studio with a wad of fifties and ask for a sick beat. Her music displays no emotion, and emotion is the main draw of grunge. Like, Kurt Cobain wasn’t a very good singer, but he knew how to perfectly channel how he was feeling. Grunge music is about feelings, not polish. And Billie Eilish is all polish.

I’m not gonna get all angry because grunge is being gentrified by a tiny girl when it was originally started by broke heroin addicts and lesbians, but I am gonna get angry because her music sounds worse than albums made on a budget of 600 dollars by a guy who has had one voice lesson his whole life.

She should just go into modern art.

7. Worth It - YK Osiris

Originally I was gonna give this spot to a different song. Worth It was so immediately bad that it rescued Lil Baby from my list this year.

Don’t expect to be this lucky next year, bitch.

But we’re not talking about that squealing douchebag, we’re talking about THIS squealing douchebag:

YK Osiris. I have no idea where he came from, I think he was part of last year’s XXL Freshman Class? He’s more of a singer than a rapper, so I’m not sure why he was, other than the predetermined idea that all black artists in pop are rappers. I wouldn’t even call him a singer, because the man cannot sing.

At the beginning of the music video, you see dozens of paparazzi swarming around YK Osiris’ car as he exits with a girl. This is the set-up for the song’s impressive amount of self-fellating narcissism, as YK Osiris assumes he has fans. Who the fuck listens to YK Osiris? I mean, clearly someone, because he charted, but like... what does a YK Osiris fan look like? Do women actually like hearing him wheeze into their ear? Like BEES?

NO MORE BEES!

Hearing this fucking chicken nugget talk about whether or not I’m worth eet is the lamest thing. Why does she have to be worth it? Are YOU worth HER time? Who the fuck are you? The attitude is very, I guess, mid-70′s Paul Anka-esque. And now I’ve made you imagine a YK Osiris cover of You’re Having My Baby. I also remember Todd in the Shadows compared this song to Earned It by The Weeknd, but I dunno if I get that vibe.

I mean, Earned It is a song about like... BDSM sex, presumably. So that’s more of an “if you’re good master will make you squart” kind of thing. This is more some sentient dildo insisting that you prove his worth to him before you’re even DATING. That’s a red flag on the same level as meeting a guy who lives alone and still puts a lock on his fridge. Like, what’s in there? What’s in the fridge? Is it human meat?

The guitar solo in this song is the only thing about it that’s... worth it. ZING!

6. ZEZE - Kodak Black ft.Travis Scott and Offset

ZEZE is a bad song. Plain and simple. It’s the essence of bad.

It feels like... it wasn’t even finished. Like everyone involved came in the next day to finish tweaking it only to find out that it was already sent out to be published and sold. I feel like there are things missing. Like yeah, the steel drums are nice, but where’s the rest of the instrumentation? There’s a drum and a steel drum and then nothing. Why does this song feel so naked?

Kodak Black sure doesn’t help, still sounding like he’s half-man half-screaming rubber chicken and mumbling like an actual infant still figuring out the whole “talking” deal. It’s not like Travis Scott or Offset add anything. I can’t remember what they did. ZEZE sounds the way I imagine taking ketamine and cocaine would feel. This song is so amateurish, I almost have good will for it.

If this was made by, say, a couple of high school kids dinking around with a Garageband, I might find it a little cute. The problem is that this song was made by several Whole Ass Adult People who have enough money to not make shit that sounds like ZEZE. It’s cute until you remember that Travis Scott produced big sexy SICKO MODE and yet somehow his presence couldn’t make ZEZE sound like it was made on a higher budget than 20 bucks. Someone even put an echo on Kodak’s voice, like that’d make him ANY BETTER.

It doesn’t help that I have continuing ill will towards Kodak Black because he’s a sex offender and nobody seems all too pressed about it. (Some rappers even congratulate him for having a rough past, like yeah, I guess some of those serial killers really did deserve better, huh?) I won’t be satisfied until he’s wearing orange pajamas on an island far away, and until then my feelings stand.

As it is, ZEZE is a song so chintzy-sounding and lame that I can’t imagine who would enjoy it. This song has the same energy as one of those hula girls you put on the dashboard of your car: Cheap and ugly.

5. The Git Up - Blanco Brown

Whenever something new is created, there’s always a leech.

I probably don’t need to tell you about the monstrous year Old Town Road had on the pop charts. For weeks and weeks, Lil Nas X was blocking people from his throne at the top of the Billboard Hot 100, bumping off new faces like Billie Eilish and oldheads like Taylor Swift. Old Town Road knew no mercy. This is the year that a gay black kid singing about horses ruled the world.

And Blanco Brown wanted a piece.

Blanco Brown is one of those artists who started out producing and writing for other hitmakers. He worked on some song by 2Chainz, a couple by some woman named Demetria McKinney, he produced that accursed MILF song by Fergie, a lot of relatively famous people. But he looked at Old Town Road and realized that he, being a black man from the lovely state of Georgia, could also do that.

He could not do that.

The Git Up is a husk of a song, only validated by the fact that it achieved what it was aiming for: TikTok memes. It’s as shameless as Watch Me, but doesn’t even have the small sense of excitement Silento gives off. Blanco Brown’s The Git Up and the “challenge” that it’s attached to are pathetic. The only reason Blanco isn’t too ashamed to go outside after writing this is because he knows plenty of people have fallen into his trap, and that they’re bigger fools than he is.

I started off hating Old Town Road, but over time I’ve sort of come to love it. There’s innocence in it. Lil Nas X didn’t mean for it to be a number one hit, it just happened. A lot of artists were trying too hard this past year, and I suspect it’s why Old Town Road made the pop charts its bitch. It didn’t have to try.

A lot of people will point at rock bands for being “fake”. If they draw inspiration from grunge or punk, and they don’t have the proper edge, many will point and laugh. But just because something is fun and hip doesn’t mean it’s easier to make. In fact, I feel it’s a lot easier to tell if someone’s making a shitty pop song for any reason other than themselves. A lot of people thought Lil Peep was faking, and he really, really wasn’t. There’s grey area in topics like depression, but Blanco Brown (and anyone like him) is as transparent as a window. I see through his mock-excitement, his cute little dance challenge, his “innocent” song. We all do.

I believe Tyler Durden put it best:

“Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

4. I Don’t Care - Ed Sheeran ft. Justin Bieber

Speaking of being fake...

I don’t know if Ed Sheeran realizes how embarrassing this song is. More than any other song he’s been involved in. More than Shape Of You, or that one song on Revival, more than anything. I Don’t Care is an exercise in humiliation.

Generally speaking, I don’t like Ed Sheeran’s music. I think he’s had a couple good songs, we all like Sing and Castle on the Hill, it’s not like he’s untalented. But every time he’s gotten a big hit these past few years it’s been so shitty or mediocre that I wanted to scream. I’m not sure why, but all of his fans seem to flock towards his worst songs. And of all of them, I hate I Don’t Care the most.

Usually the problems with Ed Sheeran’s music just revolve around his meek, tiny personality and his weird style of lyricism. The level of detail he gets into can be both an asset and a detriment. I remember I basically described Shape Of You as a virgin anthem, because Ed Sheeran exudes dorkiness. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it comes to nerd music I’d rather take Thomas Dolby, but he definitely had a style.

I Don’t Care is Ed’s Intuition.

As in, the Jewel song. The blown-up pop song released by Jewel, a previously sincere folk singer who played acoustic guitar and sang about break-ups and The Media(TM) and stuff like that. Ed Sheeran is a lot like Jewel, if you think about it. Both of them are skilled lyricists who play acoustic guitar and sing about personal topics, and both of them suddenly decided to throw that away and make a sell-out pop hit. If this kills Ed’s career, they’ll have had basically the same musical trajectory.

Ed Sheeran opens the song by saying he’s at a party he doesn’t wanna be at, and that’s how the song feels. You, the listener, are at a party you don’t wanna be at. What good did adding Justin Bieber to this song do? Oh, right, that’s what made it a hit. I Don’t Care goes far beyond Blanco Brown’s brand of shamelessness. Blanco Brown specifically wanted a dance challenge hit. Ed Sheeran just wanted a hit. Any hit will do. He brought in guaranteed hitmaker Justin Bieber, tossed out his acoustic guitar for fully electronic production, and sang about something vague and already done. And the worst part is that it WORKED.

I imagine this was almost entirely through radio play, because this song is so radio-friendly and milktoast it’s unreal. With a stupid music video greenscreening Ed’s face onto shit and “ooh ooh”s and all, this song exists to pander. It wasn’t created for humans, rather, it was created for the pop music algorithm that’ll shove it into people’s laps without them asking. There’s no artistic integrity, nothing worth thinking about for longer than its runtime. It made it to the Hot 100 because it can be played in grocery stores and clothing stores and really any kind of store. Ed Sheeran is a God of nothing, and I can’t imagine he’s proud.

3. No Guidance - Chris Brown ft. Drake

This song is bad on every possible level. Starting off with the fact that it’s nine minutes long. It out-lengths last year’s overly long garbage fire that was Te Bote. 

And then you look at the credits and know exactly who’s to blame for all this:

I don’t know if Lil Dicky anticipated giving Chris Brown’s career a second wind with Freaky Friday, but I think that’s what he did. I defended Lil Dicky last year, and I’m still not clear on how much he actually wanted to work with Chris Brown since that’s not really the kind of thing famous people are honest about, but this wasn’t Lil Dicky’s hit. This was a springboard to launch Chris Brown back into the limelight. Earth didn’t even chart. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the last gasp of Lil Dicky’s career in the spotlight.

But I’d take Freaky Friday over No Guidance any day.

No Guidance is the formal beef-squash between Chris Brown and Drake. Apparently they both dated Rihanna at some point and allegedly had an actual literal bar fight. Despite Drake claiming he still loves Rihanna, he’s also choosing to publicly make up with and work with the man who got her hospitalized at 19 years old. Then again, Rihanna also wants nothing to do with Drake.

(source)

Over time, Drake has proven himself to be his own flavor of scumbag, a weirdo who dates younger women and pretended not to have a son. Perhaps this is his way of getting back at Rihanna. Or he’s simply using Chris Brown’s new power to bolster his own career. Regardless of why it is, it’s gross, especially when he’s dropping bars like this:

Someone else here is looking a little violent, no?

On pure quality, it sounds like every other Chris Brown song, just with Drake tossed into the mix haphazardly. It’s a lame song about hitting on some girl where both artists drop references to their old songs because that’s the easiest way for a failing artist to feign relevance. Assuming nobody features Chris Brown on another massive hit next year, there’s a fair chance he’s done for, and after years of oversaturation, the public finally tires of Drake. No Guidance is a nothing song with scummy shit going on behind the scenes.

RIP Lil Dicky.

2. 7 Rings - Ariana Grande

I never really understood the hype around Ariana Grande. She has a few songs that I enjoy, and her voice is very good, but nothing by her really stands out to me as an amazing song. Ariana stans are relentless. When I posted my review of the thank u, next album some complete stranger replied to it with “Uhhh ok sis”. Like barring the fact that I’m not a girl and we’re not related... it’s an opinion, calm yourself.

Frankly I don’t know how people enjoyed this song. Her stans are insane, but surely not that insane, right? I mean... this isn’t a song. It’s a MISTAKE.

Between Gwen Stefani and Ariana Grande, sampling The Sound Of Music for your pop song is a dangerous game. And really, she should’ve sampled like, anything else. Because nothing says “wealthy, savage girl” like a cute song about your favorite things, I guess!

I’ve never felt quite so immediately gross and uncomfortable as I did when listening to 7 Rings. I have no problem with women flexing, of course I don’t, but this isn’t flexing, it’s mocking. 7 Rings makes me feel like I’m being bullied.

Ari had a horrible 2018, and she’s more than allowed to flex a little, but I can’t imagine why anyone would want to essentially play the villain of a high school movie. She’s not Cher Horowitz or Regina George, because then at least she’d be entertainingly bitchy. I judge a flex anthem based on how much I get excited for the person being wealthy and cool. This song makes me want to commit a robbery.

The lyrical content isn’t the only bad element. It also sounds like shit! 

Ariana Grande is a belter. Everyone knows she’s here to sing and not... rap. Which is exactly what she does on this song. The filters she puts over her voice during the rapping sections are just... gross. When she drags out certain words it hurts my ears. That and apparently multiple people have accused her of stealing their flows, though that’s really hard to say since it’s an incredibly generic rap flow. Also, she samples Gimme The Loot by Biggie Smalls, a song about robbing people. Which makes sense because if you bought Ariana’s album, you were robbed! Congrats!

But in the end, the most damning thing about this song is its lyrics. Why should I be excited about this absolute bitch having tons of money? Why should I care when she has the gall to say shit like this?

There were ten writers on this song and nobody thought of saying “hey, maybe the phrase ‘happiness is the same price as red-bottoms’ is a little fucking shallow!” 

And I’m not making any judgments on Ariana’s character in real life. I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice person, but if this song was supposed to project some sense of camaraderie and a “we did it!” attitude, it fails. What it does project is a snide, rich girl looking down on you for not just buying yourself out of depression. Never write a song like this again.

Honorable Mentions

Happier - Marshmello and Bastille

I’m not gonna be the first to say every Marshmello beat sounds exactly the same, but every Marshmello beat sounds the same. I picked this one because it charted highest, but really it makes no difference which Marshmello song I pick on.

Sweet But Psycho - Ava Max

This song reads like a 12-year-old’s deviantART journal.

Drip Too Hard - Lil Baby and Gunna

Like I said, this song almost got on the list proper. It’s a slow burn. At first you feel like the beat is solid, and Lil Baby rides it decently enough, but then it keeps going and the flows never switch and Gunna basically sounds the same as Lil Baby and you begin feeling like you’re losing your mind.

Thotiana - Blueface

People kept memeing about this. I thought it’d be fun. I hate you guys.

God’s Country - Blake Shelton

Namedropping The Devil Went Down To Georgia does not make you Primus. Because you are not creative or interesting.

Trampoline - Shaed

I wouldn’t have even given this song a second thought except apparently it’s hit the alt-rock charts? Where is this rock? Like I get we’re pushing the boundaries of genre but I think the bare minimum of a rock song would be a GUITAR.

Knockin’ Boots - Luke Bryan

This song is dumb. But I’m oddly amused by how dumb it is, so it may live.

Baby - Lil Baby and DaBaby

Sometimes things sound like a good idea, and then they’re not. This didn’t even sound like a good idea and it proved to be an even worse idea. Something definitely could’ve been done with this, but Lil Baby is essentially a creative void that consumes all it sees.

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

Another song that’s too dumb for me to really get mad at. God knows, Capaldi is putting a hell of a lot of effort into something. What it is, I’m not sure, but he’s doing his best.

With those out of the way, we move onto

Number One:

You Need To Calm Down - Taylor Swift

"I AM LAID LOW BY THE HUMAN RACE. ME, AN INNOCENT WOMAN, MUST DEAL WITH ‘HATERS’ EVERY SINGLE DAY. MY HEART HAS BECOME WEAK WITH ALL OF THE UNKIND WORDS. DARE I SAY... I AM OPPRESSED?”

It’s ironic hearing Taylor Swift tell me to calm down. She hasn’t been calm for a long time. She sure as hell isn’t calm in this song. It’s basically the equivalent of someone screaming “I AM NOT ANGRY!”

Like, you’re... still mad about the snake thing? It’s been a few years now and you’re still bothered enough by an emoji that you referenced it in a song about how not-bothered you are? I mean, apparently this song (as well as ME!) is about celebrating individuality. It definitely is celebrating an individual: Taylor Swift.

I think a big theme of this year was “embarrassing”. The Git Up was embarrassing, I Don’t Care was embarrassing, but none of them are more embarrassing than this. You could probably do a list of the ten worst Taylor Swift lyrics and it’d be mostly this song. And if the lyrics aren’t terrible enough, it also blatantly copies the beat from Sunflower, the second-biggest hit of the year and a personal favorite. Like, a fellow critic remixed them together and the backing track is essentially unchanged.

And then we get to the gay stuff.

I’m not the first to point out that the underlying message of this song is pathetic at best and offensive at worst: “I have haters, and gays have haters, so we’re basically the same.” This is essentially Taylor Swift hoping she’ll get an invite to judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

There’s just kind of an eensy weensy problem.

Gay “haters” are like... ACTUALLY DANGEROUS.

They’re not just the goofy, protest-sign waving boomers she depicts in her music video. An internet comment is harmless. Homophobia isn’t. Homophobia leads to suicide, gets teens kicked out of their homes, causes hate crimes, it can cause incredibly serious harm. Someone sending you a fucking snake emoji isn’t the same as years and years of systematic oppression!

Does Taylor Swift have to worry about her safety when she tours in more conservative areas? Does she have to fear the possibility of losing friends and family ties when opening up about herself? Does she have to worry about letting the public see who she dates, beyond the usual celebrity drama? Do people shout slurs at her on the street? Do churches and politicians campaign against her right to marry?

Of course not.

Taylor Swift has always made everything about herself. She’s lied and been petty for years and years in her music. Imagine lying about KANYE. You don’t need to lie about fucking Kanye to make him look bad! He does it himself! She was the victim that time, and every time. But at no point until now did she stoop low enough to openly compare herself to oppressed groups because people are mean to her on the internet.

Like this isn’t even about articles or tabloids or anything, it’s about people being nasty online. The phrase “shade never made anybody less gay” is basically a crackhead way of diminishing our suffering. It’s not “shade” we’re worried about, Taylor, it’s having our fucking legal rights taken away. Your biggest worry is “haters”. Haters aren’t going to ban you from being married.

This song is phony, it’s a rip-off of a much better song that literally came out in the same year, it’s repetitive, it’s petty, and most of all, it tries to diminish the oppression of the LGBT+ community by boiling down all of our pain and suffering to simple “shade”.

I will not calm down.

Woo-ee. That was something alright. We’ll be moving onto the best list soon, if I don’t get caught up in my other quarantine activities.

[okuraiani]

Mitsuhide’s Route Live Blog

Okay, I will probably delete this once I finish his route, but somehow I’d like to share my thoughts on his route with you guys o(*°▽°*)o I will try not to get too specific and you don’t have to mind if you’re not interested, since these are simply my thoughts on the things happening! Though, if anyone has question concerning my remarks (and thus Mitsuhide’s route), please feel free to ask me anything! ٩(｡•́‿•̀｡)۶

Episode 1 So Hideyoshi is some kind of fashion guru now? Hey, who’s vassal is that, trying to kill off Ranmaru?! Somehow, Mitsuhide really has a talent for irritating Hideyoshi... seriously... Protecting a cutie is always proof of a good person. Wow, Mitsuhide that’s... I don’t know if he’s praising MC or making fun of her. Probably both. But I guess he’s worried for her. Oooh, guess who! Who wouldn’t appreciate encountering beautiful people! Especially those who are not out to kill everyone who as much as look at them. Of course, Sasuke shouldn’t be left out. As well as his BFF~ And of course Sasuke has to be the messenger of bad news... Masamune is being his usual self, huh? Uselessly excited about the prospect of war. Okay, the other guys are equally bad. Is that Ieyasu calling MC stupid in a roundabout way? Oh well, but at least Mitsunari is genuinely concerned for her... Mitsuhide, stop reading MC’s mind already lol Awww, Ranmaru, the cutie! He’d be someone I’d instantly befriend~ Uh, I sense some kind of (un)pleasant surprise... This isn’t Mitsunari’s route, so I guess the squad in the rear is certainly not... Told ya... I had the bad feeling way before you MC lol And of course, Mitsuhide has to tell her the things she doesn’t want to her at all... On the other hand... It’s totally plausible that the enemy would go for Nobunaga’s right and left hand... Oh dear... Ooooh, I sense some kind of deep-rooted trauma or something similar! Aaah, I already love that poor trickster to the point of no return! Oh, yeah, that could have been me. I’m not good with blood. And I guess there’s A LOT! That screams betrayal to me, but let’s keep calm and watch... Moreover, hasn’t anyone taught you guys not to trust strange men?! Aww, Mitsuhide is such a good guy~ Oh... ‘Kay... That... THAT surprised me. Really. And it hurts my heart a little. Heck, who am I kidding? A lot, a LOT! Why is everyone always assuming MC’s going to run away? Well... I can’t exactly hold it against them... Hideyoshi not trusting MC is not new, so I wonder why it surprises me to see Mitsuhide not trusting her... I mean, he normally reads her like an open book... Wow, that’s... a LOT! And knowing Mitsuhide, his guidance will turn out pretty spartan. But I guess I’d be happy about his attention... Probably... Maybe...

Episode 2 And we’re back to teasing lol But I guess being taught about the Sengoku era by a Sengoku warlord is not THAT bad, right? Urgh, I take that back. Why a test, Mitsuhide? Seriously? And THEN you’re surprised about her answers? Although, come on, ‘Nobu-tan’ sounds incredibly cute~ Yes, with all that history stuff my head would explode as well. Or maybe implode. Can’t decide. Okay, is it just me or is Mitsuhide surprisingly touchy-feely? That man will be the death of me, I swear! Says he doesn’t trust MC but takes her metaphor seriously! Why does he have to be so cute, dammit?! Nooo, MC, why are you running away?? Of course, he does that to tease her, what else... Yup, telling him he’s mean gives him no damage whatsoever lol Yay, two angels to the rescue~ Yeah, you tell him Ranmaru lol NO! Don’t! Get Mitsunari away from the tea! Thank god Ranmaru is such a good boy~ If this keeps going they can have a party in MC’s room lol Pfft, I KNEW it! Tell me what you want, this is a party! I’m surprised though Hideyoshi wasn’t the first to burst into the room lol Omg, Ieyasu is too precious lol I’d love some spicy pickles, too! So... Mitsuhide is either observing them or he’s displeased right now... Well, Mitsunari is just as surprised as I am... I tell you, Mitsuhide is secretly a ninja! Maybe... Yep, they are like cats and dogs, but they still love each other. Aww, big brother Hideyoshi is the best, really! Go for it, girl! Otherwise, his route would be meaningless lol Se-Self-defense skill...? A-As in... Body contact?? Oh dear... Oh no, don’t evade, please~ Yeah, tell her first! You got my hopes up... Oh? Suddenly I remember this one certain picture from the manga... Wow, he really IS spartan... MC’s level of fear is kinda not in the right order, I think? You can’t fool me, you sly fox, hah! Wow, that was low... A horse several times smarter than MC? Noo, I don’t think so. It’s literally impossible to escape Mitsuhide. Yes, the body contact I was waiting for! Nothing extraordinary, but at this point I’ll take anything lol Well, at least this time there’s no cliff involved in her first time horse riding. Okay, that’s some elementary school level reason for teasing, Mitsuhide... While MC’s fears are apparently in the wrong order, Mitsuhide’s worries are too (he wants us to believe lol) Right now MC is too cute for words. And Mitsuhide the proud (not yet) boyfriend lol Heh, I already knew that! I can already see Hideyoshi freak out when he finds out MC and Mitsuhide have something going on lol Scary, Hideyoshi isn’t joking... Of course he has too many secrets! That’s, like, in his job description. So, Mitsuhide is unexpectedly popular with women?! How did that happen?? But I agree, once you fall for him it’s pretty much impossible to hate him. Not so popular with men, though, I see... Why do I feel like Mitsuhide’s past might hunt him down in this route? I can’t count how often I’ve aww’d at him already... He’s so honest with himself but so absolutely not with everyone else.

Episode 3 Yeah, time flies by if you have fun, Mitsuhide. !? !?!? YES! A definite Yes! OMG, this man will be the death of me! I can’t stress this enough! Oh, Mitsuhide telling her to go straight back home most likely spells danger... The dungeon spells danger, too... Yup, that’s Mitsuhide’s dark side... Oh dear, I see a suspicious fox. So, when exactly does that man sleep? I mean, he has to be busier than Hideyoshi. Mitsuhide... Is that you being honest? Wow, that was quick. Now she even wants to see Mitsuhide when she can’t lol Uff, I think I heard her innocent heart shatter right this instant... O.K. I heard my heart shatter as well. I’m sure someone set him up! I hope so... Aww, MC’s such a sweet girl. Oh, I already wondered when we’ll get one of Sasuke’s trademark visits! Pfft, Sasuke’s reaction to MC hanging out with Mitsuhide... What, as if he hasn’t spread that rumor himself. Who are you kidding, Mitsuhide? You? Embarrassed? Hah! Didn’t expect that, did you? It’s so much fun to see Mitsuhide fail to handle a single almost foolishly trusting, kind and honest girl lol Really, she had him speechless so many times already. Wah, that music got my hopes up. Aaaand then the 3rd episode comes to an end. What a cliffhanger!

Episode 4 Yeah, I knew it. That was too good to be true, haha... Okay, that’s on you, Mitsuhide. Shouldn’t have taught her that lol Awww, okay, that’s enough to compensate me right now~ I’m genuinely confused. Oh, wait a minute. No way~ she can meet Mitsuhide’s pet! (It’s called Chimaki which is... something to eat, by the way lol) I have to say, Mitsuhide has his way with words... They are mostly ambiguous lol I have to ask... Does that fall under cannibalism? ... Can you believe there’s someone equally bad or even worse than Mitsunari in terms of personal maintenance? Eat some food, you goddamn handsome man! He has a point, but still! For all the teasing, at least he’s praising MC when she’s done well. Oh good gracious! I didn’t think Mitsuhide was able to tell a genuine joke! Yeah, I can relate to that. The many mysteries make him so charming lol Aww, honest Mitsuhide is always appreciated~ Yup, his teasing is indeed addictive lol Isn’t it cute how socially awkward Mitsuhide is? Like, he’s so not used to being around people. Oh dear... That screams trouble. In capitals. Ah... I think I see a pattern... Oh, okay. Didn’t see that coming. Funny how he knew exactly where she would go... Yeah, Hideyoshi is not amused. Big scoop? Secret revealed? Seriously? That’s just a different kind of torture... OMG, blushing Mitsuhide is the BEST!!

Episode 5 Tell me what you want, Mitsuhide is a gentleman. Like, deep, DEEP down lol Lap pillow? Lap pillow! Okay, who does he remind me of...? Aww, MC genuinely praising him is so cute. Oh god, Ranmaru lol I think he has a no-monopolization policy lol And now Mitsuhide is making Ranmaru cry, the poor boy. Aww, Ranmaru is such a good friend! Yup, of course Masamune has to be the supporting friend. Figured. Those two are the least amused about that rumor going around, haha... Mom and Dad don’t approve lol Especially Mom. Yeah, can you believe it? I totally can. Does Nobu-tan suspect something? Maybe. Wow, that is way out of my expectations. Hideyoshi not putting Nobu-tan first. Uh-huh, don’t mind him at all, please. Say that before going inside lol The awkward moment when your man knows more about how to properly dress as a woman than you. ....??? Says the liar, sure. Wa-Wa-Wait! Seriously?? Uuuh, Mitsuhide’s new style is really cool! (He’s posing as a traveling performer btw) ...yeah... wife!? MC is going to flip lol “I didn’t tell you?”, yeah, no, because you’re you. I can’t tell if he’s serious already or not.

Episode 6 You could have at least taught her properly lol Okay, with how fast this whole pretend thing was progressing, I expected something else lol Wow, he’s unexpectedly good at flattering. Heh, I already thought it would come to this! Argh, can’t he just decide if he’s serious or not? I sense some big evil... *gasp* I knew it. Ugh, I don’t like that guy. Like, at all. Okay, he’s officially making me uncomfortable. Men like them can just die, seriously. If that had been me, I’d have punched the living daylights out of him and would’ve died a slow and painful death right after that. Aaah, it’s a shame I won’t buy the premium stories (since I’m saving for when it’s released in English) Aww, he was looking for her! It’s such a rare sight to see Mitsuhide so kind and serious. Oh god~ He’s most likely genuinely smiling and she can’t see it~ “All right now. I should pay him back for making my lovely wife cry.” His words, not mine! Now I wonder what happened... I love how Mitsuhide talks to himself pretending he doesn’t lol Okay, now things are getting complicated. That... was fast. Like, how did he do that?! Somehow, I think Mitsuhide would have so much fun being a modern day actor lol Didn’t expect to see them there. Yuki’s cute in every route lol Why is a guy of that rank doing something like that? Most likely in secret? Not that I started liking him, but I’m confused. Oh, now that explains a lot. Confusion lifted. Again!? Come on! ... ... oh. Did I maybe get the love rival wrong the whole time? Oh man, I hope he doesn’t plan to die or anything. I started to like him a lot in Sasuke’s route. ... oh? Oh??? True, that probably IS the biggest historical discovery. Aww, the letter is cute.

Episode 7 I somehow think they will think they succeeded and the evil guy come crawling back up at the end of episode 10... Oh, that’s the fox mask I saw in Shiro-sensei’s illustration! So that’s when it becomes useful, huh? He’s really getting affectionate~ Yuki, that’s what being 500 years apart is about lol I could be wrong but... Is that Mitsuhide slightly trolling people without knowing what that actually is? lol As I said, he’d make a great modern- day actor. !? That had me surprised. Wow... how my eyes just instantly caught the word kiss before everything else lol Usually, I’m not into mean characters (mean= teasing), partly because I’m kinda like that as well, but Mitsuhide’s level of teasing is just right. He never does anything really hurtful and is able to admit if he went too far and apologizes. I really like that. Awww, there they are, his usual clothes. I really liked the costume... He really enjoys all this “As your husband” stuff lol ... he... He’s only joking right? How can he do that to my heart~? MC, joke back! Say okay! YES! Okay, I need a sec to calm down... I think my heart stopped just now. Yeah, it stopped. Wow, I don’t know if I’m happy or disappointed. But I strongly tend to happy. I feel you. Nobody can escape, MC. Ugh, really. Really!!? Why?? This is like Hideyoshi’s route! Who ordered those soldiers!? And what do they think they are doing??? I mean, MC, just knock them out! Mitsuhide taught you some self-defense didn’t he!? I really hope for you guys you don’t believe this bs... Of course Ranmaru would know. But the other’s wouldn’t know he knows. Aaah, so many secrets... Too many secrets. Ooh, Hideyoshi is impressed. I just wondered... maybe threatening him like in Hideyoshi’s route might work... Hideyoshi is impressed 2nd I’m not sure, but does that mean he trusts him? Bless you, Nobu-tan. Uuh, back story for Mitsuhide is always appreciated! That’s not exactly my top spot for a date, but... okay? No way, don’t tell me... Oh good gracious, how can he stay so calm??? I can’t. Seriously. That’s almost too much for my poor heart. I honestly physically can’t endure this. Where’s Hideyoshi when you need him?!? Gosh, is there some equivalent of lawsuit against abuse of power in the Sengoku era?? Oh? Mitsuhide has a weakness and it’s super cute. ... omg, this is intense. And not in a positive sense. Good for him that he’s fine with it. I’m not. Great, Hideyoshi. Your timing sucks, you know? I didn’t expect that. Damn, now it’s up to three villains?!

Episode 8 Relationship status: It’s complicated. Uhm... no? Thank you. Hmm? Awwwwwww~ He. is. SO. precious. Good gracious, can anyone kick these people’s behinds, please? At least that? Really, no other route had so many disturbing side characters... It’s a mystery to me, too. And you were such a good guy, Yoshimoto~ My god, just stab him already or something! I can’t decide if I hate him or pity him. Again, I’m confused. Oh, okay, I think I’m beginning to understand. Ooooh, is that a tryst? I’m joking, of course. Though I wish it was lol Hah, so she finally figured him out, huh? Yeah, that about sums it up. “Hard to understand kindness”. Woah, that’s mean. What do you mean farwell gift?! Amazing. He’s always telling MC she’s too good-natured, but who’d have thought that Mitsuhide was the most good-natured idiot of them all. Aww, my poor baby is getting wet. Oh oh... Masamune, you can’t be serious? You... have a lot of special skills, huh? You ninja-like warlord. Yay, Mitsunari is such a precious angel. I’m sure Ranmaru is trying to confirm something. Pfff, as if he’d leave unprepared. Of course he is. He dropped hints everywhere if you look close ennough. Aww, Chimaki is still there! Uuuh, go on, Kyuubei. Spill us some secrets! Wow, he’s spilling a lot of things. I anticipated something else, but that’s also amazingly cute! I very much hope this has never happened before. Who figured out that info this fast?

And, wow, I can already tell you, I normally go for the romantic ending first, but this route (very much like Kenshin’s) in and of itself is a an entire drama, so I’ll probably get all the drama out of the way in the first playthrough, haha...

Episode 9 This is really becoming a tangled mess. I don’t know who believes in whom anymore. Hideyoshi is really loyal to a fault. Okay lol So Kennyo is now out of the picture or what? Don’t you dare believe that bs, MC! Ugh, of course not! Good job, girl. It’s interesting that Hideyoshi seriously thinks Nobu-tan would take pity on anyone. He’s taking her because she will be useful, what else. Heh, it’s quite funny to see Nobu-tan so secretive. Though I wonder what he said to make Masamune grin from ear to ear lol Ugh, that guy’s so disgusting, really... I even like Kennyo better. Heck, even Motonari is slightly more likeable. Oooh, I can imagine that. ... no way. Omg, did he really work for such a disgusting prick??? Yeah. No. Those two don’t look like they’re falling for that. Okay, I was wrong. Looks like they’re totally buying it. Oh god, there are more?! I can already see Nobu-tan using MC like a human shield lol Ooooh no. Nooo... Don’t tell me that was a careless mistake. Ugh, I knew it. Yeah, what else could he want other than his one little weakness... Uuh, that was a bit harsh, you know? But I do understand. ... That’s a bit mean, to attack his weakness like that... That’s gonna be a shock for him. I’m pretty darn sure. Told ya. Do I sense a kidnapping? Maybe. “Stupid girl.” I think I heard that kind of nickname somewhere before lol Shoul I call him Oliver from now on? Awww~ Yeah, feelings do strange things to you, huh? Who do you think taught her to be like that? I’m not sure how to interpret the letter...

Episode 10 Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Sasuke for the longest time... Um, isn’t Hideyoshi’s Nobu-tan sense tingling? Omg, if you want a demon’s head, then take a look in the mirror! Thanks, at least one of us believes in him without fail. ... I don’t dare to touch my screen to see what happened... I’m SO relieved! Oh god... and what the hell’s with that calm and composed “Sorry, my hand slipped.”!!? Just... how low can that guy sink? Really now? I think I’d have already kicked him or something to shut that guy up. Don’t tell me...? Is that what Nobu-tan... Wha~t! So Nobu-tan had it all planned out as well? (Yeah, sorry. I liked that nickname too much, so he’ll probably now always be Nobu-tan to me.) Uhm, hey, MC? Would you mind, you know, stopping him from probably landing in prison again? Or worse? Wow, he’s lower than low. He already dropped below Earth’s crust. ...??? Oooh, I see. The poor people who’ll have to rebuild the place again. Do I wanna know? No. Will I read further? You bet I do. Why are Sengoku warlords always doing something stupid? Wow... I already predicted that in episode 6... Someone, anyone, smack some sense into that beautiful head of his. It’s not like I can’t understand his reasoning, but this is just. NO. Trust me, I’m just as surprised as you are. Love rival confirmed? I think so. Oh no~ When did he sleep or eat last!?? Curse you, premium story preview! (I want to read it so bad~) Awwww, Hideyoshi still cares so much~ I already knew he’s a smooth talker but... that’s too adorable. He’s almost worse than Ieyasu at being honest. But only almost. This is so like him it’s making me tear up. Seriously. Wow, it’s really hard to read when everything’s blurry haha... But man, you really can’t leave him alone. He’ll go off and do something stupid. I tell you, we all have to love the heck out of this man. Aaah, I missed this. Wow, that surprised me a bit. Bottom line: That man is absolutely, without doubt, too pure for this world! I love how Hideyoshi doesn’t consider the possibility he might be interupting something lol It’s like he’s trying to train a dog... Pffft, Hideyoshi, really? lol That’s almost cute if you weren’t in the way. Mitsuhide is so not amused. He should have tied him to MC. Awwww~ Okay, that’s definitely cute. “The next time you disappear, at least leave a letter.” Hideyoshi, don’t give him strange ideas lol Good food! Bless you, Masamune! lol Masamune is being way too optimistic about the whole thing. Mitsuhide, you’r not Mitsunari, okay? lol I’d die from embarrassment~ I wouldn’t try that if I were you, Masamune. I knew it lol Everyone would react that way. So he’s still going, huh? Aww, Hideyoshi just wants him to come home. He’s implying he’ll kill him a second time? That’s harsh lol I just imagined MC with Mitsuhide’s tone and way of speaking. It’s hilarious lol She’s seen through you, you know? Heh, who wouold’ve thought. But wasn’t that, like... in episode 2? Wow, talk about dedicated. This is so strange. I always hoped he’d share his secrets, but honest Mitsuhide is making me slightly embarrassed lol Everything was REAL~ My heart... I can’t. I think my heart is melting. Ugh, that guy is ruining my good mood~

Episode 11 (Dramatic) I know he fled, but this feels ominous nonetheless. Man, they are all so quick to throw away their lives... Yikes, that’s harsh, Mitsuhide. It’s amazing how he can be kind through being mean or harsh. Sometimes, MItsuhide’s jokes are strange lol Okay, who’s interrupting? Kyuubei~ Why? lol When did he even have time for that?? Awww, Kyuubei gets my personal Best Subordinate award~ I knew he’d come back lol She’s a totally open book to him. Well, at least his priorities are in the correct order lol Now even Mitsuhide is a bit annoyed lol ... A guest? Hmmm??? Guests? Plural! As straightforward as always, our Yuki lol Mitsuhide is not amused... Interesting... But how do they know? Mitsuhide is SO not amused lol He’s so jealous lol Right? That’s what I wanna know, too. I can tell you one thing for certain: The temporary alliances in this route are plain crazy. Heh... So he told him, then that went that way to those two and finally reached Mitsuhide and MC. Wow, what a long way to travel for some tiny information. Caring Mitsuhide must be a pretty confusing sight for those two lol OMG, Yuki is speechless and Sasuke can’t believe his ears lol But, really, I’m almost sure he planned on saying that. Yuki gets second-hand embarrassment lol For a second... I kinda forgot Kyuubei was there, too. Sorry. I KNEW he did that on purpose. Promise? Promise what? ... I didn’t anticipate such an honest letter.

Episode 12 (Dramatic) Okay...? Awww, he’s really thoughtful. Wow, MC really IS his weakness. Those two are too cute together. Uh-oh... If Sasuke is so serious that probably means trouble. So, apparently, Bakamoto is a thing in this route... Well, at least Bakamoto still stays true to his convictions. ... That surprised me. I mean, I still remember what he said earlier... Is that another formerly very unlikely alliance? Yeah, wonder why that is, Bakamoto. Uh, I don’t think Mitsuhide is happy about this conversation. Pfft, I bet this is his cue to interrupt. Knew it lol How he quickly that went from “not closer than necessary” to “100 steps away or more” lol THAT was definitely a declaration of war lol Love rival definitely confirmed. Now, it’s either kidnapping or assassination attempt. Why is that guy so gross??? Aww, good job, Kyuubei! And Bakamoto, please stop sulking! ... I... Have a very bad feeling. That’s... I can’t find the words. It’s... almost more heart-shattering than the similar situation in Kenshin’s route... OMG, Cybird is trying to kill me. Like, emotionally. I’m terrified to red the next parts. Guys and girls, please have a huge box of tissues ready when reading episode 12 part 6 to 10 (dramatic)!!!! Oh God, even before starting this half, my heart is beating like crazy. No, no no no, I can already tell what he'll try to do. I knew it! ARGH. Damn, where are my tissues? God, zhis is too much for my poor heart. Wait, you aren’t— Seriously?? Omg, I love this MC! As if we can leave like this! But that’s exactly why you’r MItsuhide’s pair, heh. And now I finally get the whole meaning of the preview for the dramatic route.

Episode 13 (Dramatic) They’re really nervous, huh? Ninja surprise! I expected that reaction lol Though I don’t get why they look so happy about his statement... Good job, you two! No doubt there, Mitsuhide is an exceptionally good marksman. Yuki, I don’t know if you’re dissing or praising him... Ugh, I can’t stand that guy anymore. Compared to him, Kennyo looks like a cute little kitten. Those two pull off the most amazing shit I’ve ever seen. With the most funny remarks ever possible. Honestly lol Wow, that guy is also popping up everywhere, huh? Well, we could just leave it to Bakamoto. You can’t say he doesn’t pay back those he owes. How can I hate a 2D character so much? Seriously. Every time this guy shows up I wanna punch him so bad. ... I wouldn’t make him mad if I were you, bastard. Nnnh, I know you can’t, but just stab him already! Come again...? Did he just suggest what I think he did? Nooo~ No Mitsuhide, you don’t! ??? Secret ninja around? Ooooh! No, that’s even better! Serves you right, you rotten bastard! That’s what was meant with controlling posion with poison! And who’d have thought, of course that dickhead has the antidote. You have some nerve, trying to trick the world’s greatest trickster. I should have known Mitsuhide already knew. Heh, I didn’t anticipate this. That’s almost mean, but let’s be honest, that jerk deserves it. Aww, Bakamoto is such a good guy. He wouldn’t needlessly kill anyone. And that’s as funny as it is harsh. Yay~ he made it in time! Aww, they are already leaving? Of course, Yuki doesn’t place value on Mitsuhide being there lol Yup, that’s our favorite tsun. For Yuki, idiot is an affectionate nickname lol And even Bakamoto realizes it now lol Wait wait wait. WHAT?! Noooo~ Seriously?! I think that’s the first time this happened in ANY route!!? I feel you MC. I’d be so startled. But awwww, she’s such a good girl. Oh? Oh!! Mitsuhide is the best! So they’re staying there for a bit? Well, it’s understandable. ... Are you kidding me? lol Well, at least he’s being responsible... Yeah, I can’t live without him as well lol Oooh, okay, so they’re making a quick detour before coming back. On Nobu-tan’s orders, I see. Phew, I was a bit worried about that, tbh. Mitsuhide disguising his affection as jokes/teasing is never getting old lol Oh wow. He’s like... super popular? Or more like... super loved? And if this were modern times he’d definitely share his declaration of MC being his girl on every single social network possible lol Awww, that’s cute. Pfffft, Hideyoshi! Really? lol Kyuubei, you little snitch. Heh, who am I kidding? We love you for that! And so, another one of Mitsuhide’s mysteries is solved. Well, at least for MC, since she’s probably only the second person who knows this. ... uhm, what? Why are you doubting yourself!? Bad taste? Seriously?? You trick her constantly and NOW you claim that could be a problem? Mitsuhide, please. Yay~ Sexy timez~ Oh my, that was dropped like a bomb. But I’m happy about it~ Holy... This might be just me, but that illustration has to be illegal!!! I also have no words, trust me.

Episode 11 (Romantic) Yeah, as if it would be that easy. Oooh, that’s nice, though! Awww, we all know what you wanna say with that, hehe. ... Excuse me, but... WTF??? Okay. Maybe Mitsuhide has lost his mind after everything that happened... Once again I have to acknowledge the hellish ability of his to use words with lotsa meanings... Now, that’s what I’m also curious about now. Don’t like to agree with him, but... – yes, he’s crazy. ... It’s not strange that I’m not trusting this guy, is it? Damn... He’s saying some irritatingly true things. Yikes... If Mitsuhide is oozing killing intent you can bet he’s being 1000% serious...

(Updating when I’m done with episode 11 romantic route second half (￣▽￣*)ゞ)