#keep one in the shower! my therapist put me on to brushing my teeth in the shower

[arosebyan0thername]

Also, because I need to remind myself sometimes, there is no "wrong time" to brush your teeth in the day. You don't have to do it before breakfast and after dinner and right around lunch time. If you just ate and then remembered you haven't brushed your teeth yet, you can do it then. If you're about to eat dinner but you just got out of the shower so you're already in the bathroom and you might as well, do it then. If it's the middle of the day and you're just taking a pee break and see your toothbrush on the counter and remember you didn't brush this morning, now is as good a time as any. I used to not brush my teeth because I'd say "well I know I want ice cream after dinner, so i should wait until after the ice cream to get all the sugar off" and then by the time I had dinner and ice cream, I'd forgotten all about brushing, or I was too tired to go do it. But brushing your teeth before eating something sugary is still brushing your teeth. It's still going to be healthier for them than not doing it at all. OP is right that there's nothing shameful or immoral about not brushing your teeth, but it is important to look after your health as much as you can, and I know I always feel better mentally when my hygiene is taken care of. You deserve to have a healthy, comfortable body, as much as is possible for you.

it's never too late to start brushing your teeth again. i basically never brushed my teeth for a whole 10 years. a decade. A DECADE. i still struggle to brush my teeth once a week, but it all started with brushing my teeth once every few months. so i mean it when i say brushing your teeth once a week, a month, a year, or even a decade, is better than nothing.

and still, nothing is not shameful. it is not immoral to struggle with self care. and it is also not pointless to keep trying. anything you can do, even if its wiping plaque off with a towel, is enough. it is good to take care of yourself however you can, even if it's just trying to muster the will to. reading this post is good, too.

i believe in you and i am proud of you, even in the smallest of steps. it's okay. you can give yourself grace.

[emotional-moss]

physical self care tips for folks who don’t have the emotional/physical capacity to do so

disclaimer: these are not going to work for everyone nor are they a cure-all. sometimes you need additional help or sometimes these just aren’t going to work for you. this is not me assuming that every single mentally or physically disabled person is able to do all these. at the lowest points in my life i wasn’t even to get out of bed for days on end and once didn’t brush my teeth for several months. but these help some folks, and that��s all i’m going for!

can’t brush/floss your teeth? mouthwash. mouthwash always. plus you can get it in fun flavors :)

- additionally: are physically capable of brushing/flossing but can’t find the emotional capacity to do so? put on a video/show you like in the background. it helps me !

- oh also you can get toothpaste in fun flavors too if that helps

- you only really need to wash your face like once a day with a fairly gentle soap. like even a bar soap or a diluted hand soap works.

- don’t wanna deal with acne and stuff? pimple patches are your best friend (but wash your face first)

- additionally, acne is normal and common. you don’t have to have “perfect skin” and it’s super rare that people do (and if they do, they most likely invest in a bunch of expensive skincare products and routines).

- don’t/can’t shower? deodorant on stinky/sweaty areas. your armpits, your neck and upper back (trust me on this one), your crotch area, all that stuff.

- or you can just use a washcloth. wet it, put some soap on it, and then rub it on stinky areas. make sure there’s more water on it than soap so that you can wipe it off with a dry washcloth after.

- if you don’t wanna take care of your hair and you don’t need/want to keep it long, buzz it. or just cut it short!

- alternately, if you want/need to keep your hair long but can’t take care of it:

- if you have a looser hair type, run through it every now and then with a brush or your fingers. if you’re able, run through it with your fingers at least a few times a day. running it under water for a little and then gently running through it with your fingers/a comb works as well. also, dry shampoo is your best friend if you’ve got oily hair. if you don’t want to brush/wash it often, keep it in easy to maintain styles like regular braids.

- for black/coiled hair types: i’m not black and have 2c/3a wavy/curly hair so i really don’t know much about this so please do not take this as if i have firsthand experience, this is all internet knowledge/from black peers. i always open to better information, please tell me if you have any! from what i’ve heard and learned black/coiled hair doesn’t need to be washed as much. keeping it short helps because it shrinks easily and means you don’t have to wash/clean it often. but if you want to keep it long, it can get dry easily. separating it into sections and then running through it with a detangling brush helps (a good option is the Spornette DeVille Cushion Paddle Boar Bristle 344). protective hairstyles mean you don’t have to wash it that often as well. 

- some foods may not be healthy but if they’re easy to prepare and leave you sustained for some time, fucking go for it. as long as you don’t have any dietary/medical restrictions regarding them.

- foods like omelettes, oatmeal, microwavable burritos/ramen/etc, peanut butter on toast, tuna sandwiches, frozen chicken nuggets, bag salads, and mixed nuts are all easy to make and/or good sources of vitamins and protein.

- fatness isn’t a bad thing. you don’t need to work out or eat specifically to “stay in shape.”

- but if you do want to work out: i am not a physical therapist, personal trainer, etc. nor do i have much gym experience. listen to your body and consult legitimate medical sources/medical professionals. i am also not physically disabled. i cannot judge what is right for your body; only you and medical professionals can do that.

- remember to warm up and cool down. wear comfortable clothes that make you feel good. drink plenty of water!!!! and listen to what your body is telling you !!! if you experience pain/nausea, it’s time to stop for a bit and there’s no shame in that.

- simple workouts! focus on one specific thing, like flexibility or strength or something. walking/pacing is an easy one if you’re able to do that. listening to music while doing it helps too. - stretches are awesome. yoga is awesome. simple things that increase flexibility and don’t require a lot of physical activity are awesome. just a simple stretch now and then is rad as fuck.

- as always, laziness is a myth. sometimes your mind or your body just doesn’t want to do something and that’s perfectly fine. 

- that’s all i can think of for now i might add more later

[sniffanimal]

I think one thing to remember about (some presentations of) ADHD is that it isn't always a literal internal dialogue of "That task is overwhelming/too hard/too many steps/unrewarding so I won't do it". For me, it's more like the idea of doing that task slides off my brain like butter in a hot pan. I will look at an overwhelming task and before I even finish the thought of "I should do that" my brain shakes like an etch a sketch and I've already forgotten it.

This particularly pissed my mom off when I was a kid because it's hard for me to see a sink full of dishes and associate that with "I need to do dishes", or she'd tell me to vacuum but because I wasn't immediately looking at a vacuum, I'd forget to do it. ADHD was weirdly very quiet for me, because I just wouldn't see things that overwhelmed me!

I'm now an adult who has lived on my own (/with another ADHD roommate) for 8 years now, been through therapy, and am medicated, so under the readmore I'll put some ways I combat this clear-cache process my brain does.

(obligatory im not a therapist or a doctor or anything so make sure you're consulting with those folks before doing anything major with your life. I have ADHD and have been treated for it, as well as I teach kids how to manage their neurodiversity as a job)

"I just can't remember to do something that I need to do regularly." This sucks to hear, but the answer really is routines. Routines are essential for helping manage sanity and overwhelm and keeping your house in order. And I know, firsthand, that ADHDers struggle with forming routines, but here's my major tips: scaffold. Scaffolding, or chaining, or stacking or any other name refers to picking something you already do at a set time (it's easiest if it's something you HAVE to do, like go to work or wake up in the morning, etc), and pairing your new routine task with that. And also its important to only try adding one thing to a routine at a time. Don't try to start showering, brushing your teeth, packing tomorrow's lunch, setting out clothes for the morning, reading, journalling, and doing yoga before bed all at once. Start with just brushing your teeth before you go to bed every day for like 2 weeks. Once you're solid on doing that, start adding in something else! People kinda hate on the book bc it's full of platitudes but I really liked a lot of the stuff in Atomic Habits by James Clear for setting new habits.

"I can't remember to do something that I don't need to do regularly. It's hard because I can't work it into a routine." It is not a shameful thing to need to make different visual or physical reminder for when you need to do things. Two things I particularly struggle with is turning the A/C off when I leave a room, or turning the oven off when I'm done using it. For the former, I have a small card I laminated that says 'turn off heat' that I velcro to the thermostat. When I turn the A/C on, I take the card and put it in my pocket or on my shirt or hair or somewhere where I will have it with me so that I can see the card later and remember to turn it off. For the latter, I have a necklace that I put a little tag on it that says 'OVEN' on it. When I turn the oven on, I put the necklace on, and it stays on until I turn the oven off and can take the necklace off. Try creating environmental things that work for you! I've seen people put their meds next to the canned cat food because their cats would remind them to feed them, and they would see their meds then and remember to take them!

"My working memory is really poor, I forget what I was doing in the middle of doing it." This is a kind of hard one to work on without just actively doing things in your life, but something I find that kinda helps me is doing puzzles! I'm not a big jigsaw puzzle person, but I love sudoku, pictogram, and crosswords (and some of the other things like wordle etc.) Logic puzzles are another good way to work on needing to hold something in your working memory. Puzzle video games like Portal are also good for exercising your working memory. Working memory is a bit like a muscle, and needs to be stretched to hone as a skill. When you're in the middle of one task, and another one comes up, having a pen and paper ALWAYS handy makes it easy to jot down a reminder about something you need to do later. This is often called a 'parking lot', and works well for me!

Closing notes: 2 other books to check out are How to ADHD by jessica mccabe, and The Anti-planner by Dani Donovan. The former is extremely good for an overview of what living with ADHD and working with your brain is like, and the latter is actionable activities to help with breaking tasks into more manageable formats.

[sarahowritesostucky]

Tips for coping with depression

As someone who struggles deeply with depression, I thought I'd post these very simple but very crucial tips for overcoming a low time

FIRST AND FOREMOST, IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY ENOUGH THAT IT'S AFFECTING THE WAY YOU ENJOY LIFE, YOU'RE UNHAPPY ENOUGH TO SEEK OUT THERAPY AND POSSIBLY MEDICATION. My depression doesn't usually manifest as sadness. It manifests as exhaustion, lack of drive, and tanking self-care. So it took me a long time to realize that it "counted" as depression. If you don't have insurance, look up a therapist who is willing to do a payment plan and to see you only a couple times a year, maybe just via tele appointment. They might be able to prescribe you medications if that's what you need. I was VERY hesitant to start meds, but I tried low doses of two meds and they rapidly turned my life around.

But in addition, here are my personal recommendations:

BRUSH YOUR TEETH. Always do this first. I don't know what the heck it is about depression that makes brushing your teeth so damn hard, but it's a thing, and you'll feel better if you do this first.

START WITH A SHOWER. Once you finally manage to force yourself out of bed, please for all that is holy, just get a shower. I prefer baths, but I've heard from others that the shower part is crucial to them. Get a shower and stay in there as long as you friggin' want or can. Get some tingly mint shampoo. Get a tingly face wash. That shit is invigorating. I actually keep my toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower and brush at the end of my bath (whatever I'm depressed and weird)

GO OUTSIDE. Even if it's just opening a window or standing on your apartment's balcony for a bit. Go outside and see the earth. Go for a walk.

GET SUNLIT. get assessed for vitamin D--you probably need supplements. Purchas an indoor SAD sun lamp; you can get them pretty cheap on Amazon and just 30 mins a day with that thing makes a difference!

SUPPLEMENTS. Important and useful ones I like are Vitamin D, Ashwaganda, CBD oil, Kratom (approach with care if you have addiction issues). And take a friggin' multivitamin--you're a grownup.

ALWAYS DO SOMETHING KIND FOR YOURSELF. do something small, simple, and kind for yourself, for no reason other than it's a simple pleasure. Eat one of those tiny half cup portions of ice cream they have at the grocery store, put vetiver oil in your bath, get the overpriced drink at Starbucks you always tell yourslef you shouldn't waste money on, light a candle or get one of those misting waterfall thingies and plug it in. Watch some cat videos, do a coloring book, bake a batch of muffins. Whatever feels nice to you.

LISTEN TO HAPPY MUSIC. I'm a big fan of angsty, dark rock and alternative music, but I force myself to avoid it when I'm having a hard time mentally. Instead I listen to upbeat gym music or pop, music that sound how I wish I felt.

CLEAN YOUR SPACE. If you're my kind of mentally ill, your living space sometimes can get pretty bad. There can be are piles. Put on some of the aforementioned music and get going, one item at a time, you can always take a break or stop whenever you want.

GO TO THE GYM. People who've never really worked out don't seem to believe us gym rats, but it's true: regular exercise can help almost as much as (or more than) antidepressants!

DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND EAT WELL. I used to be a diet soda addict, okay? But water is what our bodies thrive on, and you'll be amazed at how much more awake a simple chug of water can make you feel.

CALL A HELPLINE. If you need to talk, call a helpline. It's so easy. You don't have to be in crisis mode or at the end of your rope to call, and unless you're on the phone actively threatening immediate harm to yourself, they aren't going to do anything but give you a kind ear. I volunteer at one of these helplines, which strangely also really helps with depression.

BE KIND! To yourself and others. It's free to do and worth its weight in gold to the people on the receiving end. As Ru Paul likes to say: "Kindness is the highest form of intellect."

[fromthewondersystem]

Dissociation and Memory Loss

I’m a little wiped out today, so I don’t have a ton, but here’s what I do have! I’ll start with some grounding tools and techniques for dissociation my therapist shared with me.

A grounding box: Put different things in here that stimulate your senses. This includes things that are visually appealing, things that have strong scents (I’ve found smell to be one of the easiest ways to ground for myself), things with different textures, things that make certain noises, etc.

Setting up a calm place you can go to in your mind when you’re stressed or triggered can help with grounding. It involves taking a memory of a place and time where you felt safe and calm and going through your senses in that memory to help remind yourself of that feeling. You also set up a word connected to the memory and reinforce that connection to help you get there more easily.

Use an anchor item. This can be rings, a bracelet, a key chain, or fidget toys that can help you be more present in the moment.

Rub ice on your left collarbone.

Use a heating pad or warm item on tense areas like your stomach, shoulders, chest, or feet.

Salt on your tongue, sour candy, lemon or lime juice, mint candy, breath strips (for the intense mint), and (peppermint) five gum can all help you with grounding by stimulating your sense of taste and bringing you to focus on that as you come back from dissociation.

Cold showers or splashing cold water on your face can sometimes help with grounding.

Tip: Look for yawning as an indicator you are becoming more grounded.

While we do what we can to lower dissociation from day to day, amnesia can still be a problem. Here are some tips for identifying/dealing with amnesia from DID/OSDD.

First I wanna share a tip for my fellow systems with ADHD out there. I’ve now had two therapists let me know a good way of identifying whether memory loss is due to ADHD or dissociation. With memory loss in ADHD, if someone reminds you of something, you’re likely to remember it once they tell you, but with dissociative memory loss, you may not actually recall the memory even after someone tells you about it.

There are different types of inter-identity amnesia you can experience with DID. What we often call blackouts are more well-known, where it seems like a whole chunk of your day/week is just fully missing. You don’t know much about the time you lost. With what we often call greyouts, the memory is more like knowing what happened than visually remembering, in the way that it’s more like someone gave you a summary of what happened while you were out. In some cases, you may initially remember everything that happened after a switch, but those memories fade soon after.

Some of what helps me identify which alters were present during certain memories is going through the memory and seeing if it seems like it’s in first person or third person to me. Most people have memories in first person, and if I as an alter was fronting (and not just co-con or remembering shared memories with other alters), I may see the memory from a first-person point of view, while if it belongs to someone else, it’ll seem more in third person.

Have a (private) place to keep important basic info about yourself if you need it/can’t remember. If you have a journal, you can dedicate a couple pages to this.

Setting reminders/alarms to go off when something needs to be done (and making sure I write what I’m reminding myself about) is really helpful in trying to be less forgetful.

Something that’s been helping me out a lot lately is having a small whiteboard on the wall by my bed. It’s got different daily tasks (including a lot of self-care like drinking water, taking meds, brushing my teeth) and check boxes next to each task. I’ve found this easier than bullet journaling personally, because I’ll often forget I even have a bullet journal. When this is on my wall, I can’t miss it. It’s also satisfying to check off boxes as I complete things, and if I get everything done I need to, I give myself a gold star sticker, and I give myself a silver star sticker if I got everything but one thing done, so I don’t just give up if I miss something during the day.

[battinscn]

MISSING YOU — popstar! theodore nott x f! reader

CONTENT WARNING: angst/ mentions of therapy/ being under medication/ mental health

SUMMARY: theodore’s job takes him away from you a lot and hi here understanding for the most part. but after countless broken promises, you had enough.

WC/ AVG. READING TIME: 1574 words/ 8 minutes

return to the theodore masterlist here

"THANK YOU DR macmillan," you thanked your therapist.

"i'll have nurse johnson prepare your medication and you can sign out by the front desk."

you nodded in acknowledgment and left the doctor's office.

you noticed that it was a quarter past five and started on dinner. while the chicken was in the oven you remembered to record the episode of theodore's favourite show on telly so he could watch it when he had the time.

you did the laundry and ironed out theodore's dress shirts that had crumpled in the wash. you placed them neatly in his cupboard in colour order, that way, it was easier for him to pick out clothes for the day since he was always in a hurry.

as you tidied, you saw how theodore's white trainers had gotten dirty and cleaned them as well. pretty soon, dinner was cooked, the house was cleaned, and you were already showered.

you set the table and started on your dinnner, placing a heating charm on theodore's plate so his food would not get cold.

you washed your plate and settled into bed. you soon fell asleep alone in the cold bed, pulling the duvet closer to you to keep warm.

when you awoke the next day, the bed was suspiciously empty, which meant that theodore had not came home the night before.

you lazily rubbed your hands over you face and put on your house slippers. you washed your face, brushed your teeth, and treaded into the kitchen.

as you were frying up and egg, you heard something tapping on your window.

"thank you sweet pea," you cooed to the delivery owl as it dropped today's copy of witch weekly into your hands.

you were about to toss the magazine aside to read later when the headline caught your attention.

"lead singer theodore nott caught getting cozy with actress eloise delacour at french pub" was written in bold.

your eyes trailed to the picture of your boyfriend, standing way too close to the french actress for your liking.

you threw the magazine angrily at the counter as you ran your hands through your hair, trying to rationalise your thoughts.

you switched the hob off and leaned your elbows against the counter, holding your head in your hands.

you then heard a pop sound, theodore holding onto his backpack, his wand in one hand.

you picked your head up and barely glanced at him, before turning to make yourself a cup of tea.

"hey..." theodore threw his bag onto the sofa and trudged over to you, confused by your cold demeanour.

you would usually jump into his arms and pepper him in kisses whenever he came home after a long tour.

theodore attempted to hug you from behind but you pushed him away.

"what's wrong?" theodore's brows came to a furrow.

"what's wrong?" you scoffed and practically threw the magazine at him, "look at this and tell me what's wrong."

theodore picked the paper off the floor and looked at it.

"y/n...sweetheart...it's not what it looks like, management just thought it would be good marketing for our new record so they hosted a party last night," theodore set the magazine down and tried to step closer to you.

"stop..." your voice shook as you placed your hand in front of you to prevent theodore from coming near you.

"i'm sorry y/n, i really am. after those pictures nothing else happened i promise." theodore reasoned, his eyes pleading.

"it was my birthday," you muttured.

"huh?"

"it was my birthday, yesterday," you spoke a bit louder.

"what? no it wasn't your birthday's next week, on the-" theodore looked at the calender that was hung on the wall, "fourth...", he trailed off after seeing that today's date was the fifth.

you sniffed and wiped your cheek with your palm.

"shit, i'll make it up to you, i promise. i'm off for the whole month, i promise i'll pamper you and-"

"i can't do this anymore theodore. i can't sit here and pretend that everything's fine when it's not. i was patient whenever you had to work late, i was understanding when your management wanted to keep us a secret to upkeep your teenage hearthrob reputation. but i just can't anymore." you held your hand to your mouth to prevent the sob that threatened to spill.

"y/n..." theodore tried to step closer to you but your hand still remained in the space between you both.

"yesterday, when i blew out my candles by myself, my one wish was to for once be your first choice." your voice broke, "it's always your work before me, but just for one day in the year, all i wanted was for you to choose me."

your body weakened and theodore quickly caught you by your forearms, supporting you with his hands below your elbow.

you let yourself break as theodore looked at you guiltily, wondering how had he ever fucked up enough to hurt the girl like he had.

the moment was interrupted when theodore's manager's voice filled the small condo.

"theodore, we need you in the studio. the weird sisters have agreed to do a demo and this can be huge for us." the middle aged man fire talked.

you saw the look on theodore's face, you had been dating long enough to know that was his contemplating face.

if he was even contemplating leaving while you were falling apart in his arms then the conversation between the two of you was not evern worth having.

"go." you pulled your arms away and leaned agains the counter.

"you made your choice when you were weighing out the options in your head, you made your choice and you didn't choose me," you pointed to the fireplace, "go."

you shoved past theodore and hurried into your bedroom, slamming the door shut.

"y/n," theodore opened the door and looked down as you sat on the edge of the bed.

"go away," you said coldly.

"you know what? fine," theodore gritted his teeth, "if you want me to go so badly, i'll go."

before he could walk off, you gripped onto his wrist, "you'll never find another like me."

it had been six months since you packed your necessities and left without another word.

six months later and here theodore was, sitting in his front room as a girl laid underneath him.

sloppy kisses were shared but all on his head was how the girl was not you.

her lips did not feel like yours, the hand that threaded through his hair did not feel like yours.

"i'm sorry," theodore pulled away and fixed his dress shirt, sitting straight.

"it's alright," the girl smiled at him, "your mind was everywhere but me, even when you offered to bring it back to your flat."

she picked up her bag and wiped her thumb on the corner of her mouth to fix her lipstick, "thank you for tonight, i had fun nevertheless, but i can tell you love her, whoever you've been thinking about. so tell her that you do, it's never too late."

and with that theodore was left alone in the apartment that you once shared.

he stared at the photograph of you and him above the fireplace, one that he never had the heart to take down, selfishly praying that you were alone as well, dumping whichever fool that was not enough for you.

because theodore knew that nobody could ever be good enough for you.

theodore got into the bathroom and a chip in the tiled wall caught his notice.

he could feel the magic coming off it and removed the charm from the medicine cabinet.

he picked the potions up and read the labels off it, your name printed at the top.

he never knew.

theodore never knew you were struggling with your mental health and he wondered why you had chose to keep him from it.

"fuck," theodore slammed his fists on the wash basin and ran his hands through his hair.

you were suffering alone and theodore never knew. maybe if he loved harder you would have told him, maybe if he had checked if you were alright, you would have told him. maybe if he had fought harder that night, you would have told him.

he tried to get over you, he really did. he had somehow convinced himself that he never needed you, that his pride mattered more.

but theodore let you slip through his fingers and there was nothing he regretted more than that.

it was only after you had broken up that theodore realised that he would indeed never find another like you.

nobody would make him honey tea just the way he liked it when his throat felt scratchy after voice lessons like you would.

nobody would tuck him into bed when he was not feeling his best after a long day at the recording studio like you would.

nobody would surprise him at his shows that he would do all over europe, holding up a handmade sign despite being almost trampled by people in the pit like you would.

it was six months after you had gotten your heart absolutely shattered by him that theodore finally admitted to himself that he missed you.

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[wheredafandomat]

Dr. Laufeyson

Chapter 8 - Buckyless

Warnings etc: Loki x female reader au where Lokis a therapist, therapy, flashbacks, smut?, swearing, mentions of past trauma later in the fic including abuse both physically and sexually - not explicit detail, 18+. PLEASE tell me if I ever leave anything out x

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

You stared up at the ceiling for a few moments when you woke up. Your mind went over the events of yesterday. Since last night when you left Bucky, he hadn’t made an effort to contact you which was surprising considering he had a lot of making up to do. You sighed when you thought about the fact that he may have been feeling used but still, he could have made an effort. Pulling your covers back, you stood up and made your way towards your bathroom, quickly brushing your teeth and showering before making your way out in your bathrobe and grabbing some fresh bedding for your bed. As you put it on, you thought about Dr Laufeyson and who he was with last night. He seemed so nervy, stiff. It was unusual considering how he practically owned the room during sessions. You smiled to yourself as you thought about what you’d wear to todays one.

Opting for some tight pants as well as a dangerously low cut top, you paired the look with an innocent denim jacket. Deciding on a simple look in terms of makeup, you puckered your lips in the mirror as you doused your lips in a bright coloured lipstick. You looked good, sexy and effortlessly so. Grabbing your car keys, you headed towards your fourth appointment with Dr Laufeyson.

“So, who was that?” Dr Laufeyson asked once you were both past pleasant greetings. When you first walked into the room, you didn’t fail to notice the once over he gave you before you sat down, him shortly taking his seat afterwards.

“Who was who?” You asked, feining virtue as you batted your eyelashes up at him.

“The man from the restaurant last night.” He answered unamused.

“A friend.”

“A sexual partner?” He questioned.

Quite forward

“Does it matter?” You shot back, wanting to see how this’d play out.

“Yes.” He replied instantly.

“Why?” You challenged.

“I’d prefer if you didn’t see anyone sexually during your treatment.”

“My treatment?” You snorted.

“Yes, you are my patient, I am treating you.” He stated. Sitting backwards slightly in your chair, you took a moment to take him in as he crossed one leg over the other. This was the man you were used to, glasses, smartly dressed, polished shoes, asserting dominance, not the man last night who could barely keep his eyes off of you and who dined with such impolite company. You were unsure who you preferred. Dr Laufeyson himself in all his professional glory or Loki Laufeyson who definitely wished he was the one receiving the gentle touches you gave Bucky last night who now definitely didn’t deserve them. You wondered whether there was a middle ground.

“Why does it matter if I have sex?” You finally spoke.

“Because after everything we’ve discussed and all of your past notes, I think you need to spend some time getting to know people without it.” He explained.

“Getting to know people without sex. Hmm, sounds boring.” You joked however the Doctors expression was unwavering. He seemed frustrated but not with you. Maybe it had something to do with the woman from last night you thought as he continued to speak.

“If your addiction were drugs, I’d advise you to stop taking them as would any other medical professional. In this case, I’m asking you to refrain from having intercourse for a while.”

“Is that what you’re doing?” You quipped.

“What?” He retorted, brows furrowing. Finally, a change in expression.

“Refraining from intercourse.” You added, mirroring his words.

“What do you mean?” He quizzed, unsure.

“Come on Doctor, I know when a man isn’t getting it at home.” You grinned.

“Stop.”

“I’m just asking a question.” You smirked “you can tell me doctor.” You added, placing a hand on his knee as you leant slightly forward.

“This is wildly unprofessional.” He near croaked, taking a deep breath as your thumb started moving backwards and forwards as you leant closer with a comforting expression.

“Stop me then.” You uttered.

“If you continue I’m going to have to stop our sessions.” He decided, standing up as he looked away from you.

“Why don’t you then.” You sighed, sitting back in your chair as you looked up at him still standing.

“Because I wan to help you.” He answered simply.

“Oh believe me there are many ways you could help me.” You grinned, voice fading out as he continued to talk, slightly raising his voice.

“Because I’m damn good at my job and you need help. Because somehow somewhere in the past someone or something broke you and I think I’m here to help put you back together so let me do that.“ he finished, taking his seat again, moving his chair backwards away from yours.

You looked at one another for a few moments in silence. Your eyes didn’t leave his and he managed to maintain the eye contact too. Usually it was intimidating for someone to look at you with such intensity but for some reason him doing it felt comforting. Safe.

“He was just a friend. Well, ex friend.” You sighed, breaking the silence as you referred to Bucky.

“What happened between you both?” Dr Laufeyson questioned, crossing one leg over the other again as he listened to you.

“Last night we had a slight disagreement and now we’re not friends. Nothing major.” You answered, looking away as if his words didn’t hurt you last night.

“Tell me about this friend.” He said with a curt smile trying to hide the fact that he was happy you were opening up “in your own time.”

You took a deep breath before you started.

“We’ve been friends for a while and he knows about most of the things that went down between me and my ex.”

“But not all?”

“No. It would break him.”

“Why?”

“Because he’d feel guilty.”

“Why would he feel guilty?”

“You ask a lot of questions.” You said with a suppressed chuckle.

“It’s my job.”

“To listen.” You nodded.

“Come on, you pay me for more than that.” He smiled kindly.

“Fine.” You said with an exaggerated sigh “Like everyone, he thought that Curtis was a great boyfriend.”

“Curtis? Your ex?”

“Yeah. Everyone was under the impression that he was this saint but he wasn’t. Far from it. When we broke up, it took me ages to tell Bucky half of the things that happened during our relationship and when I did, he comforted me and then he blew up, almost tried to kill Curtis.” You laughed.

“Comforted you? How?”

“We’d do a lot of hugging.” You answered, biting your lip as you remembered the times you had shared between you both “sometimes we wore clothes.”

“Did you have any other friends? Anyone you could have sought comfort in?” He queried, choosing to ignore your insinuation. You shook your head no. “So it seems that you depended on Bucky quite a lot then?”

“I didn’t depend on him.” You insisted.

“And now you’re not friends, what will you do once you leave here?” He continued his badgering, again ignoring your previous statement.

“I don’t know.” You huffed “go to an orgy.” You laughed “I’m not an actual addict.” You continued to laugh “what does it matter if I like casual sex?”

“Because I don’t think you do like it.”

“You don’t know me.”

“I know addicts.”

“I’m not an addict.”

“I think you are.”

“This isn’t some sort of anonymous group, I don’t have a sponsor or any friends or a fucking mentor. I have myself, that’s it.” You seethed, growing angry with Dr Laufeysons constant quips. Your past therapists were usually so quiet. Glancing down at his watch, a quiet sigh escaped him as he wrote something down on his notepad before ripping the page out and handing it to you.

“Our session is over for this week.”

“What’s this?”

“Try not to use it.” He joked as you looked down at the paper, seeing his number on it “it’s my personal number incase you urgently need someone to talk to, a friend.”

“Isn’t this ��wildly unprofessional’.” You said, doing quotation marks with your fingers.

“I’d prefer breaking a couple of rules instead of you doing something silly plus, I won’t tell if you don’t.”

“Thank you Dr Laufeyson.”

“Sessions over, it’s Loki.” He winked. “See you next week y/n.”

Dr Laufeyson being taken away for breaking all the rules when he rails y/n 🤣🤣 just bare with me guys this fic will get better!

Tags:

@lokisprettygirl22

@michelleleewise

@mischief2sarawr

@howdidurhammergrowchris

@consistentreader578

@mcufan72

@lokixryss

@jaspearl31

@eyesbluelikethetitanic

@lucylaufeyson3

@peacope

@emma-laufeyson

@multifandom-world8

@lulubelle814

[watercolorfreckles]

The Villain and His Therapist - Part 4

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

"You know, that shade of pink looks lovely on you," Villain purred, descending the stairs to lean against the kitchen counter.

Juliet paused where she was scrambling eggs in a skillet and glanced down at her attire of soft blue pajama pants and oversized grey sweater. "I'm not wearing any pink," she said slowly, lifting her gaze to look at the Villain.

He'd just come down from a shower, dark locks of hair curling over his forehead. He smelled of her green apple shampoo. It made her insides swoop all funny.

Villain's lips tugged into an easy grin as he took one step closer, two. He paused directly in front of her to lift a hand, brushing his knuckles feather-light against her burning cheek.

"I was referring to your blush. It suits you quite beautifully." His voice was liquid gold. Her skin tingled beneath his touch.

Remembering herself, Juliet swatted his hand away and covered her cheeks with her palms. "I'm not blushing."

He didn't try to hide the amusement on his face.

"Mm, whatever were you thinking about, Doctor Meadows?" Villain took Juliet's hands to gently pry them away from her face, using the hold on her wrists to pull her closer.

Juliet sucked in a soft breath, looking up at him. The sun streaming through the window caught the highlights of his handsome face and illuminated his dark irises, turning them to molten amber.

"I...was...thinking about how gentle you can be. When you calmed me down that night, you were patient and sensitive; you displayed a lot of empathy and care. I'm really proud of you. You've come a long way."

Villain's grin grew a little softer as he tilted his head to the side, studying her face. The way he looked at her used to make her feel like prey being stalked by a lion. Now...it made her feel like she was the only thing in his universe.

Her stomach fluttered.

Juliet swallowed, continuing. "I imagine it isn't easy for you to be so vulnerable. I'm glad that you feel safe enough with me to be soft."

Villain brushed her fringe away from her face, tapping the side of her head. "That psychologist brain of yours never turns off, does it?"

She smiled sheepishly, gaze dipping down to the floor.

Villain's finger hooked under her chin, lifting it gently. "I never said I didn't like it. You are my therapist, after all."

Villain leaned in closer, eliciting the slightest hitch in her breath. He smiled, relishing her response.

His breath ghosted over her lips, leaving them tingling in anticipation.

"Yours?" she asked softly. Her mouth had gone dry.

"Would you like to be?"

Juliet's thoughts were rarely clear on her face. She was difficult to read under the years of training keeping her steady and prepared. Villain wanted to unpick that artificial calm from her; to map her every reaction. He wanted to watch her sigh and blush and smile...

"The eggs are going to burn," Juliet whispered, watching him.

Without taking his eyes off of her, Villain reached over her shoulder, turning off the stove. In one fluid movement, he turned with her, pressing her back against the counter.

If her cheeks were warm before, they were blazing now. Villain smiled again, this time something so fond it dazzled her senses. The world narrowed to just the two of them, flush together.

Juliet's hands fell against Villain's chest, lightly resting against the soft cotton of his shirt.

She breathed in his scent.

"Villain?"

"Mm?" he murmured, the hum of his voice vibrating against her palms.

"When your brother- What he said about how you feel...about me... Is it true?" She held his gaze, holding her breath.

"My sweet Juliet Meadows." His voice alone was enough to melt her. He took one of her hands with deliberate gentleness and placed a kiss against her fingers. "If only I were brave enough to say it out loud."

"You can say it in other ways," Juliet breathed.

His eyes gleamed.

"Oh I intend to," Villain said softly.

Villain's gaze flicked down to Juliet's lips. He kept one hand on her waist, slotting the other into her hair. He leaned in until their lips brushed. Pausing, he seemed to catch himself, probably remembering Juliet's comments in therapy about the importance of healthy communication.

He smiled again, sharp and beautiful. His warm breath grazed her skin while his thumb traced lazy circles against her jaw. "May I?" he whispered, his lips hovering just barely above hers.

Juliet opened her mouth to answer, and-

The door burst open.

Juliet jolted in surprise, panic shooting through her as she gripped Villain's arms before she caught sight of who was really at the door.

The figure was fitted in a deep red super-suit, a black mask concealing his identity.

She relaxed, releasing a breath through gritted teeth. "Hero?"

"Doctor Meadows," Hero said, relief flooding his expression. "I heard what happened to you on the news and with Supervillain's escape, I knew you were in danger so I-"

His eyes narrowed as he seemed to notice Villain for the first time. "You get away from her," he hissed marching closer, crimson beams of tech-powered energy sparking to life in his palms. "Let her go and get out."

Villain hardened at the sight of him in turn, straightening and pulling out an advanced weapon. "Now that's insulting, at least I was invited inside." His voice was smooth and dangerous. Chilling.

A far cry from the man who had held her close and smiled fondly only moments ago.

Juliet stepped between them, holding up a hand in each direction. "Stop."

"You invited him in? Doctor Meadows, he's Supervillain's brother! He's probably here to finish the job for him!"

"Oh that's rich," Villain interjected. "For all your self-righteous monologues begging me to change, to be better, when I actually try, you can't accept it."

"I'm not willing to bet Doctor Meadow's life on your 'moral awakening,'" Hero spat.

"Hero," Juliet said in the no-nonsense voice her job often required her to use. "Take a deep breath. Villain would never hurt me, you don't need to worry about that."

"He-"

"-is in rehabilitation," Juliet finished for him. "He is my patient, just as you are. He has made tremendous progress, you are in no position to discredit his reformation. I promise you that I am safe with him."

Hero stared, studying the pair. Villain's jaw was clenched, glaring hard at the hero. Juliet touched his shoulder and some of the tension immediately dissolved from him.

Hero extinguished the energy beams in his palms, shifting into a less guarded stance. He regarded them for a second longer.

"Alright."

"Alright?"

"You want to prove you have good intentions? Help me find Supervillain and bring him in, for good this time," Hero said. "I can't do it alone."

Villain turned to look at Juliet. She stepped closer, taking his hand as she spoke.

"No. I don't want you to put yourself in a position where your recovery might be compromised again. You're too close to the situation to act rationally, and it would be too much of a trigger for you."

Villain's gaze softened as it landed on her, any hostility in his demeanor vanishing like it had never been there. He brushed her hair back with gentle fingers, leaning in. His thumb dipped down to graze her lips.

Villain kissed her cheek, her chin, the corner of her mouth. He straightened, eyes intent, looking like he wanted to kiss her properly--but not until they were alone.

When time would suspend like frost in the air and the moment would belong solely to the two of them, in the quiet and safety of each other.

Juliet's skin felt cold at the loss of his touch. Dread swirled in the pit of her stomach.

Villain turned to Hero, observing him for a moment before extending a hand to shake. "Deal."

Sorry I haven't posted in so loooong. I kept putting off writing this bc I was worried id mess it up lol. This is officially the longest series I've posted so far (the rest of my snippets have 3 parts or less) so wooo! Let me know if you want to see more :)

General Taglist: @writing-on-the-wahl , @valiantlytransparentwhispers , @distance-does-not-matter , @redbircl , @lilaccatholic , @crazytwentythrees , @thelazywitchphotographer , @deadlygemuwu, @chibicelloking , @lolafaiy , @thinkwrite5 , @putridghost , @tobeornottobeateacher , @sunflower1000 , @bouncyartist , @thanatoastie , @feyriddle , @yet-another-heathen , @silverwhisperer1 , (@distractedlydistracted i think forgot to tag you in the last part, oops)

You're on this list if you've asked to be tagged in any of my stories. Please let me know if you want to be added or removed. :)

Edit: the tags weren't working so I redid them through mobile, let me know if it worked!

[growandrecover]

Tips for getting out of depression (from a depressed person)

1. If you're too tired to shower, don't beat yourself up about it. Instead, try dry shampoo on your hair, baby wipes on your skin, or applying deodorant.

2. If you can't brush your teeth, try swishing around some mouth wash. It doesn't even have to be for the recommended time on the bottle, however long you can do it is just fine.

3. Please try to eat something. It doesn't have to be a full balanced meal, just find something that you'll eat. Don't worry about the nutritional value, please just eat something. Your body needs food. If you haven't eaten today, or in a while, go find something to eat :)

4. If you're on medication, set a reminder on your phone, or keep them next to your bed with a drink so you don't have to get up if you can't.

5. Drink water. I know that everyone says this, but there's a reason for it. Please stay hydrated <3

6. Open your blinds/curtains. I know you probably want to stay in the dark, but this can actually help you feel better. If the weather is nice, maybe open a window.

7. Try to leave your room. When my therapist suggested this to me in the past, in my head I was like, "pffttt. yeah right, there's no way." But she's right. When I'm in a depressive state, leaving my room helps me get out of that funk a little bit.

8. If you're feeling up for it, try cleaning up your room. Maybe just take those cups/bottles/dishes downstairs. If that's too much, just take one. Make your bed, or do something small. It doesn't have to be a full deep clean.

9. Change your clothes if you can. You don't even have to put on jeans or "real clothes", just put on a different pair of pajamas if you're up to it.

10. Be gentle with yourself. You're not going to feel better if you keep putting yourself down. Accept the fact that you're depressed. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. You're not lazy, you're not a failure. This is something that millions of people experience, it's normal. If you can't do work or keep up with your regular routine, that's okay. Tell yourself that one day you'll get back to it, but right now, you need time to yourself to rest.

And lastly, if any of you need to talk, my messages are open :) Please stay safe, I love you ♡

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

Depression Tips from Someone who is Currently Beating Depression (plus some anxiety stuff mixed in)

Keep a schedule, but start small. Plan one thing you do every day and build from there. For me. it was watching an episode Game Grumps at 4:00pm. From there I would schedule other activities around my “treat” and this helped me fill the day with more than just lying in bed.

Speaking of bed, don’t let anyone shame you for sleeping more. Depression takes it tole on your body and sometimes all it needs is more rest. That said, getting up and doing something else, no matter how small, even just moving to a char, will have a better impact.

Wash your face!! Don’t worry about facial cleansers, just water a a clean wash cloth. Try to do this twice a day if you can. It does wonders.

In order to get out of a panic attack quicker, name things around you that you can sense. What do you hear? What do you see? What do you smell? What can you feel? Ground yourself in reality.

Brush your teeth. Even if you only do it at bedtime, and if you have the energy, try flossing and using a mouthwash (I use ACT kids watermelon flavor because it’s more fun, making me WANT to use it) Your teeth and dentist will thank you.

Positive Self Talk. My therapist taught me to counter negative feelings with positive ones, even if they don’t correlate, try saying something positive about you or your life if a negative feeling comes up. It does work if given enough time. Keep doing it, over and over.

Depression lies to you, it is always lying. More often than not, you are a victim and your trauma is not your fault. You did those things because you had no other choice, you were just trying to stay afloat.

Of course, you should take accountability for yourself hurting someone else, but if the only one hurt is you, do not put pressure on yourself.

Create something! It can be so cathartic! And guess what, it doesn’t have to be a drawing or a story, you can make a gif or edit your favorite photograph in photoshop. You can have a journal, or perhaps bake something! Create Create Create!!

Don’t be shy about asking for medication, like a good therapist, you have to find the right meds. Sometimes it’s more than one pill, or a “cocktail” of medications that will help. Some anxiety stuff helps with depression, and vise versa. (also don’t be shy in asking to take more or less of a certain medication if needed, but consult your doctor first before trying anything at home!)

If you have to quit a depression medication, (I’m sure this is the same with anxiety medication, but don’t quote me) you CAN NOT quit cold turkey. That can make things worse. You have to titrate down, meaning you have to take the dosage in increments. (10mg > 5mg > 3mg)

Baths can be difficult, but if you spruce them up with some fancy bubble bath or a nice bath bomb, it can be viewed as a treat.  In the same vain, do something fun while shower, but some shower crayons and draw on the walls! Make it enjoyable.

Treat Yo’ Self. My treat is a birthday cake flavored cupcake and some of my favorite of juice. You can make your special treats anything! Treat yourself daily if you can, use that expensive lotion, or spurge some of your savings on a collectable. Even if your treat is something small, like a snack at the gas station, do it. No matter how small, if you can find a reason to feel joy, you’re doing it right.

Ask for help, even if you’re asking for something small to begin with. (Sometimes the little comforts help more than anything) Don’t keep your feelings bottled up, talk to a professional if you can afford it (there are places for those of us who are low income, and they can help you with payment plans. Therapy doesn’t have to cost hundreds of dollars)

Yes, you are allowed to switch therapists and shop around. When I went to therapy, the first session was very general and didn’t delve into my problem.s. It was me simply feeling out the therapist and seeing if they were right for me.  The best thing that happened, was the fact that she suggested a different therapist who specialized in art therapy. We clicked instantly.

In ADDITION to medication, there are supplements that can help with depression and anxiety. Do some research and see if adding these into your routine would be right for you. (Important Note: don’t rely on these alone to help like actual medication, they are as the name suggests, supplementary. And what works for one person, may not work for you. Experiment.)

Find reasons to get out of bed, whether that be feeding your pet, or hugging a sibling, watching your favorite TV show in the living room, or watering plants in your garden. Sometimes caring for others helps you care for yourself.

Get some fresh air if you have the energy. Open a window, or sit outside for five minutes in the sun. Soak it in if you can. Take a trip with a friend to do some errands, and leave the car window down so the wind hits your face. Nature is healing.

Drink lots of water! Juice is okay, and any drink is better than nothing but a fresh glass of ice water can be very refreshing and calming.

Wear clothes that make you feel good. Wear that nice pair of underwear (Bonus tip: changing your underwear every day even if you don’t want to will help so much. a clean pair is so nice!!) or your favorite fuzzy pajamas. Maybe you have a favorite shirt or hoodie. Wear it! Find reasons to smile.

[mindofharry]

here’s some vampire harry!!!!! pls treat him with the love and respect he deserves <3

“Honey, this is just water under the bridge” Your mother, Joanne, reassured you. She placed a rogue piece of hair behind your ear. You were both sitting on your bed, cuddling like you were 10 years old again. Getting fired, from your dream job for no apparent reason at all has basically broken you. Your mother is trying to reassure you, that it was meant to happen - that everything happens for a reason. You just want your job back.

“We’ll start job hunting again, next week. Ok?” Joanne said, you sighed and rolled over on your sighed. Your mum rubbed your back and took all the dirty cups from your room with her as she left your room.

You tried to sleep, to try and forget everything that had just happened that afternoon. But, your mind was occupied and too busy. So you decided you better start looking for some jobs, even interviews. Even though you still live with your mum, you still need money. Not just for yourself, but your mum too. All the money that comes into the house is coming from you and the jobs you have. You were finally comfortable with money, for the first in your life. But the world just really hated you at the moment.

You walk over your desk and sit down, opening up the second hand laptop you bought yourself for christmas. It’s nothing special like a mac, but it does the job. Once you’re logged in, you open google and type in ‘JOBS IN MY AREA’. You didn’t go to college and you barley passed high school, you’ll be lucky if you even get a job at the local book store.

You needed to stop this, punishing yourself. It’s not your fault, you remind yourself.

Nearly falling asleep at your desk, you decided to head to bed. Tomorrow will be better.

**

Tomorrow is not better. It’s worse than yesterday. You couldn’t even bare to open your laptop after being so disappointed last night. And you’re mum kept trying to reassure you, but you felt responsible for this.

Your mum couldn’t work, she’s not well and she’s in denial about it. She goes to AA meetings and talks with therapists, but she just can’t stay sober. You’ve tried to get her into working, but she manages to fuck it up everytime. Your mum is good mother, she took care of you and did the best she could. But sometimes you just wished she’d just stay sober, for even a week. So you could be a normal 19 year old, go out for drinks and hang out with friends. But you know she’s not a normal mum. And that’s something you just have to live with.

“Morning, love” Joanne said sipping on her ‘tea’. You knew it was alcohol so you gave her a pointed look.

She sighed and poured the drink down the sink. “Good, now go brush your teeth and we can talk” you say pulling your hair up. You mother shook her head and sighed. “I’m the mum here, Y/N. Don’t treat me like i’m the teenager” she said and you laughed. Really? This is how today’s going to go? the universe really hates me, you thought.

“You just hid vodka from me mum” you say and she sighed walking over and kissing your temple. “I’m sorry, ok? I’m trying, lovey” she said and you could tell how hard she was trying to keep together. you nodded and smiled, this was going to be a good day. Bite your tongue, Y/N.

“Yeah, i know. Now go get ready, i need help job hunting” you say and she nodded making her way out of the kitchen and up to her room. You sighed and put the kettle on. You walked into the pantry and took the vodka she had opened and poured it down the sink. Let’s see how long it takes her to notice.

You sat down with your cup of tea and one for your mum, opening up the paper and your laptop.

When your mum came back in, she looked a lot nicer and healthier. The shower did her good.

“So i saw someone looking for an assistant on facebook” Your mum said logging into her facebook on your laptop. You smiled to yourself, she really cared about you. “His name is harry i think, something along the lines of needing someone to sort out his schedule which you’re pretty good at” she said showing you the post. A few, actually a lot, of people had already liked the post and there was people sharing their CVs in the comments begging for a chance. You didn’t have the heart to tell your mum that this person wasn’t going to accept you.

“I mean, you can apply for other jobs but i think it’s perfect for you” She said biting her nip nervously. You nodded smiling in reassurance. “Yeah, it’s perfect mum. Thank you, i’ll try and get an interview. I also found a cleaning job too, so that’s good. Both jobs look like they pay well” you say with a shrug.

Joanne nodded and kissed your temple. “You’ll get a job. Don’t worry about it.”

After sending your CV to multiple possible bosses, you shut your laptop and turn your phone off of silent. Job hunting is a pain in the ass and exhausting, all you can do now is make lunch and hope for the best.

**

You were braiding your mothers hair when you got the call. You were both having a girly night as your mum hadn’t drank a sip of alcohol all day, it was definitely something to celebrate.

“Is this Y/N L/N i’m speaking with?” the voice asked, he sounded so bright and chipper. And he was irish too.

“This is her! how can i help you?” you asked and the man cleared his throat and paused for a second. “I’m offering you a job. the job” he said and you almost dropped your phone. You put it on your leg, on speaker so your mum could hear and you could multitask. You brushed the ends of your mum hair and let out a shaky breath.

“Do i need to come in for an interview?”

“Well, me and the boss would like to get to know you, get a feel of how you work on your own and with help. just like a test run, but if i’m being honest the is yours” he said and you could almost cry. “You’re exactly the kind of person Harry, my boss is looking for Y/N” he said.

“I’m niall by the way, i’m harry’s personal assistant” Niall said and you smiled.

“Well, when can i come in?”

After settling some stuff with Niall, who is kind of your boss too you were free to hang up. your mum squealed and pulled you into the tightest hug ever. “I told you, everything happens for a reason! you were exactly who they were looking for, babe” your mother said caressing your cheeks. You kissed her temple and nodded.

“You’re the best, you know that?” You said and your mum shrugged. “Eh, i’m okay” she giggled, you sat back down on the couch.

“Lay down, mum. We’ve got it sorted now”

You were going in to the offices, or as what niall called STYLES x MALIK, harry styles and zayn malik are both the bosses of the fashion company they both created. They have a headquarters in the states, but they’re just starting up a new headquarters in england, as harry and zayn grew up here and would like to see their families a lot more. Niall basically told you their whole life story over the phone, which you were very thankful for. Saves you the googling.

It was a tuesday morning, when you got the go ahead to pop in. Niall said to look nice, but casual. Like you’re going out for a dinner with your partners family. So you pull out your best high waisted flare jeans, an orange stripped shirt and tucked into your jeans. You topped it off with your lucky platforms and some jewellery. You left your hair natural, and the same with your makeup only some lip gloss and mascara.

“You look beautiful, honey”

“Thanks mum” You grinned pulling her into a hug. You placed your bag over your shoulder and took the car keys from the bowl at the front door. “I’ll be back soon, ok? Go for a walk or something” you say squeezing her hand, before leaving.

20 minutes away from you, is a angry, grumpy vampire. Niall was sat in front of harry, with a grin on his face.

“She’s literally perfect harry” Niall try to reason, but harry was having absolutely none of it. He wanted to rip that blonde son of bitch heart out.

“Niall, i didn’t want her though.” Harry said standing up from his desk, opening up a file and pointing at a picture.

“i wanted her”

Harry was pointing at a girl, blonde hair, blue eyes and great blood. He had tasted her before and worked his magic into getting her an interview - of course, she doesn’t remember him though. But this Y/N girl, he didn’t want her and he never agreed to having her come here today.

“You’ll have to fire her or make up some excuse, fuck i need something” Harry mumbled placing a hand over his eyes, Niall walked over to the fridge in the corner of harrys office he opened it up and took out a bag of blood pouring it in to a small glass. He placed it on the table standing in front of a frustrated vampire.

“She’s really good, Harry. You’ll regret it if you don’t let her do the test run” Niall said before walking to the door. “And she’s hot as fuck” he added leaving the room.

Harry hated being the bad guy, usually he’s a nice person. More lively, a bit like niall. A lot more quiet though, he’s pensive and reads people really well, one of his many talents as a vampire.

Harry was born in 1908, to a wealthy family. He had caring parents, a loving sister and good future a head of him. Until he met liam payne, they met in university decided to work together. The next thing you know, liam had his fangs in harrys neck and he was immortal. The first few years were hard, he was wreck less and did everything possible to get even a drop of blood. He met zayn five years after being turned, and he was sort of like the alpha of their ‘pack’ so to speak. He taught harry all he knew about control and using powers to get what you want, but only when you so desperately need it. They met niall in the 70s, he was freshly turned and needed help. They took him under their wings, and here they are today with a fashion company and a load of money in their pockets.

“What’s all the fuss about?” Zayn asked walking into harrys office with a few files in his hands. Harry huffed and sipped on the blood niall had poured for him. “I’m closed” harry said sitting down on his chair, zayn laughed and shook his head. “You have an interview in 5 minutes, get it together styles” Zayn said and dropped the files on his desk.

“Whether we hire or not, be nice. Her file is there, read it, study it. And keep those fangs to yourself” Zayn warned pointing at harry, then walked out of his office. Harry sighed and opened the file, stopping in his tracks when he saw your face.

You’re beautiful, so fucking beautiful.

He could tell the photo was professionally done, and you definitely had gotten someone to take it in a rush. Your CV is also a mess, but harry thinks it’s endearing. God, you’ve hypnotised him already. Harry could feel your aura through a picture, how the fuck was that even possible?

“She’s here” Niall said through the glass door. Harry nodded and cracked his neck, let’s get this over with then.

He could see niall biting his lip as she walked up, he couldn’t keep it in his pants for 2 seconds.

Niall opened the door and harry watched the girl walk in, her flares and platforms got his attention. She’s perfect. For him. Niall was still checking her out, so harry cleared his throat. Niall smirked and shook his head walking out of the office.

“Take a seat” Harry said and you smiled, sitting down. “I just want to say, i’m really grateful for this opportunity” you say, and harry nearly rolled his eyes. She’s too beautiful for a sob story. “I appreciate it” you say, and harry nodded quickly wanting to move away from anything emotional.

“um, so we don’t need you” He lied and you nearly choked on you own spit. Your eyebrows furrowed and you flushed a bit. Harry could see niall shaking his head. Damn you, super human hearing.

“Don’t need me? Niall said that i was just what you were looking for” you say, not angry just confused. Harry was impressed at how well you could keep your feelings in check, but he could feel how agitated you were becoming.

“Well, he’s wrong” Harry said and closed the file. “Have a nice day” He said with a fake smile. You couldn’t believe this. Fuck this.

“Fuck you” You said grabbing your bag and hoisting it up onto your shoulder. “Woah, Woah, what’s going on in here?” Zayn asked his hands in the air.

“Ask him, thanks for nothing” You say moving to walk out of the office. You needed to get out of here. “Just wait” Zayn called out, you stopped and sighed turning around.

“You’ve got the job” zayn said and your eyes widened in shock. “You start this friday, niall will email you detail. Use this week to treat yourself, on me ok?” Zayn said handing you a 50 dollar note. Who are you to deny money? You nodded and smiled at him. “Thank you” you say and he nodded.

“Don’t disappoint me”

**

You got yourself a coffee on the way home, you were a little overwhelmed and you needed to calm down before you went home to your mum. You just hope she didn’t do anything stupid while you were out.

“Mum, i’m home” you called out handing your bag up on the hanger. You got no response, so you looked around the house. Nothing in the kitchen or bathroom. The only places left are her room and living room.

You walked into the living room, to see your mum passed out on the couch a bottle of wine and an empty bottle of vodka on the coffee table. you sighed “Oh, mum” you said tears welling up in your eyes. “Why do you keep doing this” you mumbled picking up the wine and empty bottle, you put them away and cleaned up the cup. After that, you placed a blanket over her.

“You’ll get better soon, mum. I’ll be able to pay for it. We’ll have everything we’ve ever dreamt of and more” You say, kissing her forehead.

The next couple of days, you were nursing your mother back to health and used the 50 dollars your new boss gave you to by some groceries. Your mother really needed some hangover snacks, and she needed a lot of them. Luckily, you’ve been doing this a lot longer than you should’ve.

“Mum, i’m off to work” You said peaking through her door. She wasn’t talking to you at the moment.

“Alright, there’s medicine on the counter downstairs, snacks and stuff too. There’s no alcohol and no money, so don’t even try” You warned closing her door. God, this was so hard. You wondered how long it would take to be fired from this job.

You arrived early at the office, niall greeted you and took you to your own little office. It was nothing huge, but you absolutely adored it.

“Hey, don’t worry about harry” Niall said and you nodded. “I’m not, don’t worry” you reassured him smiling as you put down your diary.

“Good, well i’ll leave you to it” Niall said and you grinned at him.

“Good luck”

“Why?”

“You’ll need it”

[studysprine]

4/100 days of productivity & doing better | 07.25.2002 🪺

today's goals: take adhd meds, wake up 4 counseling appt, brush teeth, shower, wash face, make breakfast, journal, start laundry, meditate, finish laundry, eat lunch, go over spanish pronunciation and spelling, finish coloring the red crossbill, pre-semester paperwork, do pages 13-15 of my spanish workbook, wash dishes, look at emdr therapists, look at classes, move Sylvia (my bamboo), move my body, eat dinner, look into credit cards, be outside, read, review german vocab for ten minutes minimum, look at job/internship opportunities, contact a family member in the evening, and plan tomorrow's day

things I have accomplished today:

woke up at 8:30 for my 9am appointment. She told me some tips with how to prioritize my day and complete my to-do list and I'm gonna try it today and see if it helps any! (it did)

began washing towels and rags, brushed my teeth, stretched my ankles, back, ran outside for five minutes (too hot out!), ate a slice of veggie pizza and drank 2 cups of tea, washed my whites, and put the towels and whites away

showered, journaled, cried, took a BIG nap, found out the reason that my bamboo has been turning yellow at the leaves is because it's been too close to my window so i moved it :),

ate dinner and lunch, reviewed german for ten minutes

what am i doing right now as i type this? (10:09am) sitting cross legged in my seat, drinking Licorice chamomile tea, making a paper list of today's priorities, and contemplating if I want to open my blinds just yet. / (12:29 noon) sitting on the floor drinking tea, preparing to take my shower / (11:42pm) i took my friend home, now i’m sitting on the stairs (11:48pm) lying underneath my covers in my sleep clothes though i know i should try and do one or two more things in my list since i have the energy from my nap, i’ll probably make a separate post if i do !

gratitude timeee: SO thankful for my lovely counselor, she is very kind to me. thankful to my friends. thankful to my roommates. thankful to my mutuals!! thankful to my mom who gave me jasmine tea pearls a few months back, because they’re so nice quality and good. thankful to my body and mind for keeping me alive. thankful to the night sky, it was nice to drive through it. thankful to those who read this. <3

[traumacatholic]

Do you have any tips for overcoming acedia and being productive while depressed? :) I find it hard to keep up with my uni. work because of 'existential dread' and other symptoms of acedia.

You know, I actually didn't know what the term acedia meant or that it personally impacted me until I read this:

Catholic writer and poet Kathleen Norris:

“I was a bratty kid who didn’t want to make her bed.

“Why bother?” I would ask my mother in a witheringly superior tone. “I’ll just have to unmake it again at night.” To me, the act was stupid repetition; to my mother, it was a meaningful expression of hospitality to oneself, and a humble acknowledgment of our creaturely need to make and remake our daily environments…..

One of the first symptoms of both acedia and depression is the inability to address the body’s basic, daily needs. It is also a refusal of repetition. Showering, shampooing, brushing the teeth, taking a multivitamin, going for a daily walk, as unremarkable as they seem are acts of self-respect. But the notion of pleasure is alien to acedia, and one becomes weary thinking about doing anything at all. It is too much to ask, one decides, sinking back on the sofa. This indolence exacts a high price.

I think anyone who's experienced this and has tried speaking about it has likely been greeted with "you just do it / just go and do it / stop making a big deal out of it". I think this is because for them, they are naturally in tune with the steps required to carry out these tasks. They can derive meaning from them, whereas those with mental health disorders such as Depression - or even those with things like ADHD or Autism don't get the same response from these tasks. We are likely to find the task a lot less manageable (we don't naturally know how to break it down) and it doesn't give us the same reward that other people are experiencing. We've managed to drag ourselves to the shower, and all we can think about is how we're going to have to do it all over again in the near future. It makes it feel really pointless.

I don't think there is an easy answer, although if you can access a therapist and/or work with CBT/DBT workbooks (a lot of these are designed for someone to go through by themselves) then you might be able to develop coping mechanisms for these tasks. I have to admit this is something that I do struggle with a lot. Although I would say that when I do manage to inject some meaningfulness into a task, it does get easier. This could be combining doing a task with listening to hymns or singing along to songs, it could be praying the Rosary alongside a Youtube video, developing a specific time that I go and pray. When this kind of routine is disrupted, I do find it really hard to get back into it, but if you can slowly build up a routine, slowly battle against one or two tasks each day, then you can really strengthen yourself in this area.

Would it be possible for you to combine your university work with listening to hymns or putting on a Catholic podcast in the background? You can turn this work into something more meaningful and Spiritual, offering up your struggles with the task. Afterwards you can speak with God about your troubles, your frustrations, turning it into a period of destressing. Over time, your brain would then begin to associate doing this work with spiritual nourishment and the removal of stress.

It's a lot easier to run away from these tasks and responsibilities, and to the outsider, this can look like laziness or lack of appreciation to other people. And we might internalise these things and sincerely believe them ourselves. I think having this mindset can make it worse for us, so learning to unpick this mindset and to put it to the side is likely helpful. Tasks are a lot more manageable when we're not stressing ourselves out so much or beating ourselves up about how everyone else can do this thing that we're struggling with.

I haven't read it, but you might find this collection of Christian reflections on the topic of Acedia to be interesting and you might be able to get something useful out of it.

You can also find a collection of tips and advice here: https://www.ncronline.org/news/people/feeling-antsy-morose-kathleen-norris-offers-tips-cope-acedia

You can find some extra advice here:

https://aleteia.org/2021/09/26/advice-from-3-monks-for-overcoming-acedia/

Likewise here are other resources you might find beneficial:

https://www.baylor.edu/content/services/document.php/212244.pdf

https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/4-tips-for-fighting-back-against-acedia

https://simplycatholic.com/fighting-acedia-choosing-god-at-all-times/

https://catholicherald.co.uk/how-to-beat-the-spiritual-disease-of-acedia-grab-a-rosary-and-go-for-a-walk/

https://www.vitalmasculinity.org/journal/beating-back-acedia/

[writings-of-bored-gal]

New Jersey Dog Sanctuary

Summary: Meet cute! Bucky is told he needs to get a dog and so goes with Sam to the shelter where he meets someone he wasn’t expecting. (It’s not overly romantic, mostly just wholesome Bucky but if I write a part 2 things will heat up a little!)

Words: 1704

Author’s Note: Hi guys! I’m so sorry I’ve been MIA for so long, but hopefully this will be the beginning of me posting more regularly again! I’ve actually really missed writing fanfic but I’ve been taking the time to work on some original bits too so maybe they’ll make their appearance on here some time in the future. For now, enjoy some soft Bucky fluff and make sure to keep sending me any requests (particularly Marvel stuff because I am riding a WandaVision marvel high at the moment!) Sending all the love- Abby x 

Masterlist 

_________

“C’mon Sam you know that this is more hassle than we need right now.” Bucky sighed. The sign above them read ‘New Jersey Dog Sanctuary’ in large green letters, punctuated with a paw print on either side. The glass door opened up to a lobby lined with sofas covered in dog hair. On one sat a kid, clutching a small scruffy terrier to his chest like his life depended on it. Bucky shook his head. 

“Look, Buck the therapist said you needed a dog, so we’re getting you a dog,” Sam gave him a sharp look, staring at him. Bucky met his gaze. A staring contest. He knew the stakes without having to say a word. If he won, he wouldn’t have to  go in, but if he blinked he’d be stuck with some dog he’d be forced to take with him on missions, getting in the way and making him trip up. Sam’s eyes did not move, but his hands clapped, making Bucky flinch, and worse, blink. 

“Cheater.”

“That’s just another word for winner, Barnes,” Sam winked, gesturing to the door. “After you.”

The sound of barking and the smell of fur hit the moment they walked into the place. There was a girl sitting behind the counter, her hair pulled back but strands still falling on her face as she frantically answered the phone and tried to pull something up on her laptop. She smiled at Sam and Bucky and held up a finger, pleading with her eyes. 

“What do you think of that one?” Sam said, pulling Bucky’s attention and pointing to a spaniel in the corner on a pink leash. Bucky shook his head and pulled a face. “Okay, something bigger?” Bucky sighed again, and nodded. “What about that one?” Sam pointed to a dalmatian who was jumping up at one of the workers. One he looked past the dog, Bucky realised that the girl was kinda pretty, smiling at the dog and letting it lick her face affectionately, half-laughing at something one of her co-workers had said to her. 

When Bucky once again shook his head, Sam gave up. The receptionist gave a cough behind them. 

“Did y’all make an appointment?” She asked, her fingers poised and ready to type. 

“It’ll be under Barnes,” Sam answered for Bucky. “We’re looking for a big dog and I looked on the website and-”

“Alright,” the receptionist interrupted, “if you take a seat on the couch over that way I’ll have someone be over with you soon.”

“You looked on the website?” Bucky asked as they turned away and made their way over to the couch. “Is this dog for you or for me?” 

Sam punched his good arm and Bucky rolled his eyes, scanning the couch to find a surface not covered with hair to sit on, unsuccessfully. The whole thing was covered with different coloured fur, creating a strange montage of white, black and brown shades on the bright green of the couch. Sam slumped down in the chair and Bucky took his chance to take a glance back at where the girl with the Dalmatian had been a minute earlier, but she was gone. 

“Hi there!” Bucky turned to see her standing there. The Dalmatian was gone from her side, but she was still brushing her front to try and rid herself of the lingering fur. She smiled brightly, her eyes crinkling as she looked between Bucky and Sam. “Take a seat. My name is Y/N and I’ll be helping you out with finding a dog here today.” She took a seat and pulled a notepad onto her lap. Bucky sat down, feeling Sam’s smug eyes on him but desperately trying to ignore him. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Sam and we’re here to look for a dog for grandpa Buck over here.” Sam smirked as Bucky shot him a death glare. She turned her attention to Bucky, kindness in her eyes as she looked him up and down. 

“I’m guessing a big dog, right?” She asked. 

“I guess, yeah,” Bucky said, folding his arms over his chest. “And not too young, we don’t really have time to train it properly.”

“Okay no problem,” she nodded, jotting some notes down, “any other preferences?”

“It’s a therapy dog,” Sam said, “so-”

“Sam!”

“No it’s okay,” the girl said, stopping the argument before it could begin, “we actually don’t have any licensed dogs here on site but if it’s just for companionship and comfort then there shouldn’t be any issues.” 

Bucky nodded solemnly. It had been a kick in the teeth when the therapist Sam had forced him to go to had told him that he would need an animal. He’d survived for so long on his own, it felt almost strange to even be with Sam so often. Having to rely on an animal felt like he was losing independence. When he’d told his therapist that she had tried to convince him that having a dog would actually help with his independence, but he wasn’t buying it. 

“Okay,” the girl said, interrupting Bucky’s train of thought, “I’m gonna go and take this list and see if there’s anyone who I think would be a good match for you.” She hesitated for a second, clearly wanting to say something more before deciding against it and turning to go back to her office. 

There was a beat of silence after she left before Sam pounced. 

“She’s...nice.”

“I guess.”

“You like her.” Sam said, unable to stop himself. “She’s cute Barnes, give her your number.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I said so,” he shook his head. She was too normal, too sweet. He was screwed in the head and she wouldn’t be able to handle it. It was pointless. It was dumb. She probably wasn’t interested. 

“She thought you were cute too, y’know.” Sam sighed, picking up a brochure and beginning to browse, one eye remaining on Bucky as he raised his eyebrow, considering before shaking his head. 

The girl rounded the corner once again, a file in hand and a nervous smile playing on her lips. Bucky tried to match her smile, feign some excitement for her sake at least, but it came out more like a grimace and he decided it best just not to make eye contact and let Sam do the talking. 

“Alright, I have a dog that might be good for you,” she started gently, “he’s a two year old Husky named Loki and he’s honestly such a sweetheart.”

“Loki?” Bucky asked, his brows furrowing. 

“I know, I know, but you can rename him in time and he’s not at all mischievous.” She handed over the file to Bucky. The photo of Loki, all grey and white fur, stared up at him with icy blue eyes. It was a nice looking dog. His previous owners had moved to Europe and couldn’t take him with them so they’d bought him into the shelter just a couple of weeks before. 

He could feel her watching him, leaning forward and trying to hide the way she was nervously picking at her fingers as he examined the sheet. Sam’s eyes were on him too, but he didn’t care much what he thought. 

“Okay,” he huffed, noting the glint in her eyes as she leaned in towards him, “let’s meet him and see what the deal is.” 

She suppressed a squeal and told Bucky and Sam to head down the path towards the meeting area, a closed off space behind the park-like yard that had toys and treats already waiting for them. They stood and waited, the crisp fall sunshine keeping them from getting too cold. 

She knocked before leading Loki into meet them. The dog locked eyes with Bucky, almost pulling her over as he tried to go and meet him. 

“He likes people!” She chuckled, closing the door and letting him off the leash so he could bound over. 

Immediately, the dog nuzzled his head into Bucky’s lap, nudging his head under his metal arm to be pet. Bucky obliged, feeling the dog’s soft fur run through his fingers, privately annoyed at how he knew straight away that his therapist had been right. He looked over to Sam who nodded approvingly, before meeting her eyes. They shone with unshed tears as she smiled at the pair of them.��

“I’ll go out and let you guys get acquainted-”

“No!” Bucky interrupted her, “I mean, he’s obviously comfortable with you here so you really don’t need to. And, y’know,” he cleared his throat, “I, uh… I’m more comfortable with you sticking around for a little bit.” 

A slow grin spread over her face as she joined Bucky and Loki on the floor. Sam stood back, sneakily taking a photo on his phone which he threatened to send to Fury. A long forgotten feeling washed over him. It wasn’t quite happiness, but there was a kind of joy in it, in knowing that there was going to be someone there who needed him that wasn’t an annoying bird-man. Contentment. He was content in this moment, this small world. A pretty girl smiling at him, a dog on his lap. The life he could have had if he hadn’t been drafted. 

“So… what do you think?” She asked him. Loki was lying at his feet, a ball between his paws. She sat beside him, close enough that he could smell the faint traces of her perfume. 

“You said he’d be okay to come on a mission, right?” Bucky asked.

“I’d avoid anything with too many loud noises… but if he was kept somewhere safe he’d be okay to travel.” She shrugged. She leaned forward to put Loki’s leash back on, but her hand brushed his and Bucky felt a shower of goosebumps cover his skin. He turned away, feeling his face flush, only to see Sam’s smug face. 

ASK HER OUT he mouthed. Bucky shook his head. IF YOU DON’T I WILL. Bucky glared at him before turning back to her. 

“If you wanna talk, by the way,” she pulled out Loki’s file and scribbled something down, “here’s my number.” She didn’t meet his gaze, but smiled a little, her fingers messing with Loki’s fur. “Y’know, about dog stuff.”

“I’ll call you,” Bucky replied a little too quickly, “about… dog stuff.” 

“I’ll make sure of it,” Sam nudged him. She blushed a little and nodded, handing Loki’s leash over to Bucky, letting his hand linger before leading them back. 

Bucky looked up at the sky over the dog park, feeling hope fill his chest for the first time in a long time.

[bipolarsun]

Some of you won't be able to relate, and that's okay, all I ask is that you promise yourself and ME that you will get here;

I have been off of medication for about 6 months...maybe more..not sure. Regardless, consistency and self preservation have been keeping me from losing my marbles.

The thought of not being on medication used to terrify me. To the point where I would ball thinking about how miserable and wreck less I would be... as we all know there is not a universal fix all, but actually there is. Figure out what works for YOU. Stop spending hours reading about what everyone else does, DO THEM. How have the vast majority of us not taken the advice thats been drilled into our heads seriously yet ? The exercise, getting enough sleep, eating better, and drinking less etc etc has been repeated over and over and over again. Has no one really stopped and wondered why we keep hearing that shit? One of those things, or maybe all of them work for you, maybe two of them do and you find relief in drawing or listening to murder podcasts. GREAT!

Force yourself to do those things. It may take you two hours the first few times, but what you will find is that it gets easier.

Another thing I've noticed, everyone that posts motivational quotes on their social media, the ones I thought had their shit together, are liars. I have years of wear and tear on them, yet somehow, I have surpassed them IN ONE YEAR. Here and now, they are still doing what I was; thinking, reading, writing, planning on how to become and be happy.

The night everything turned around for me, was the night that I was going to make another plan for myself. I was going to put on paper what I wanted to do everyday (brush my teeth, shower, eat at least two meals a day) I was going to write down how I wanted to present myself and all these things, they were in my head and I JUST needed to get them out and follow the plan.

It was 1 am

I stopped myself

I said to myself, actually no. Fuck this.

I closed my journal, put my pen away.

I told myself to cut the bullshit and just do it. I thought " how am I going to write down that I want to go to bed at a timely hour, yet I was going to sit here up for another god knows how many hours writing and coming up with this plan, when I could do just that."

I went to bed that night, I got up the next day and I remembered everything I wanted to write down, and I started doing those things as often as I could, until it became light work. Yes I still get irritable, yes I still get and feel impulsive, I still have moments of ideation,- but because of being consistent and learning how to love and take care of myself properly; all the symptoms that used to keep me tied to the bed, or tied to the bar- have become miniscule and easier to manage than I ever thought possible.

Maybe that hobby that used to make you happy doesn't anymore, and maybe it never will again, but so what? Find something else. You've already tried multiple medications, or have been through multiple therapists, whats the difference ? You owe it to yourself to not let your mental illness be who you are.

Being depressed, anxious, suicidal, angry, irritable are not choices, but choosing NOT to do anything about it.... that IS a choice.

[roseonhissleeve]

Dear Patience

REQUEST: this could be a request idk if u feel like it but DID YOU SEE NIALL'S LIVE TODAY WHERE HE JUST PLAYED DEAR PATIENCE ON ACOUSTIC GUITAR OUTSIDE IT WAS FUCKING HEAVENLY AND THE WHOLE TIME I WAS JUST THINKING IMAGINE QUARANTINING WITH HIM AND WAKING UP TO THAT ANGELIC VOICE AND SONG EVERY MORNING 🥺🥺🥺 k that's all 😂

***

It had been a long night.

You had spent most of the nighttime hours tossing and turning, one nightmare after another. It had become regular during quarantine so far - your therapist said that it was maybe your mind trying to make sense of the loss of absolute control through everything, or maybe just making sense of the panic and dread that you felt inside.

But every time that you woke up, Niall was right there and ready to comfort you. “Another one? C’mere, babe.” He would say with his sleepy voice, completely aware of what you needed at all times. Niall was like that. Both of you were, like planets completely in sync, reading and responding to one another’s energy, constantly. It was one of the things you liked most about being with him. 

Except for this morning when you woke up, he wasn’t there.

You immediately noticed that his side of the bed was cold, and there wasn’t a large arm wrapped around your tum as it had been without fail overnight. You rolled over to look at the window, the sun streaming in through his white curtains. You had teased him at one point that he should get blackout curtains for his bedroom, but he simply said, “I like to wake up with the sun.” So, you happily adapted. Planets.

The room was quiet as you sat up and stretched your arms slowly, groaning a little. You forced your shoulders to lower and relax. Your eyes slowly adjusted to being open, focusing on the pictures that Niall had of the two out you around his bedroom. At first, you thought they were a little cheesy, but during quarantine, you’d grown to love them. It was a reminder of something normal.

Staying with Niall had truly become a little pocket of peace and rest in the world for you. Part of you felt guilty sometimes, that you were somehow privileged enough to be here, to have your food delivered every day and your laundry sent away for you. Inside the walls of Niall’s apartment, nothing could get to you.

You walk over to the bathroom ensuite, and as soon as you open the door you can tell that Niall’s recently been in here. The room smells of his shower soap and shampoo. The smell calms your muscles as you breathe it in, looking into the mirror. You pick your hair up into a ponytail and brush your teeth, the morning routine relaxing you slowly. It was helpful to do something mundane, something that’s never changed. 

Finally, it was time to go out and locate him. You slipped on a large sweater, welcoming the colder weather that was arriving the closer it got to Fall. With bare feet you walked across the living room, eyes adjusting once again to the sunlight streaming in the big bay windows. You instantly heard his voice. 

Dear Patience, can we share a drink and let go of the pressure?

You smiled. It wasn’t the first time that you’d heard that song in the morning. You could tell that it had taken on a whole new meaning with the world changing around him. It sounded a lot different than the original demo he had played for you, and it changed every time he picked up his guitar.

You opened the sliding door out onto the balcony where he was sitting on a patio chair, closing it shut behind you. His back was facing you, his brown hair tousled and semi-tangled from bed. He was wearing a pair of boxers and a loose-fitting t-shirt, something he must have slipped on before coming outside. It amazed you how he could literally wake up with you all night and still be awake before you, maybe even before the sunrise. He continued singing, and you pictured him playing with his eyes closed, really hearing every word. There was a cup of coffee on the table beside him. You could still see the steam coming off of it. 

Hey, can you show me your face? Can you see that I’m anxious?

You walked over and sat behind him on the chair, wrapping your arms around his tummy, trying your best not to disturb his playing. He paused for a second to shuffle slightly and make you more comfortable, and then continued. You could see the corner of his mouth upturn into a smile. You smiled as well, nuzzling your nose into the back of his neck, closing your eyes as you matched his breathing and listened.

Dear Patience, if I pour my heart out, can you keep a promise?

You inhaled his smell and listened to the velvety goodness of his voice. You could truly sit there and be relaxed forever. It was a moment of normalcy, one moment in your day where you felt like nothing was wrong, and it was just the two of you. Planets in rotation, business as usual. 

“Good morning.” You eventually murmured as the song ended, nuzzling closer into his shoulder. He put his guitar beside him and set his hands atop of yours, thumbs tracing your own, causing a tickling sensation. 

“Morning,” his voice rumbled against your chest. Both of you stayed there for a long time, completely quiet, eyes closed. You took in the day together, the sun slowly heating up as it finished rising fully into the sky, lighting up the rest of the buildings around you. You could hear the eerie quiet of the world underneath you, a city that on a normal day should have been bustling, almost completely silent. 

But you had that moment, the two of you, entangled in each other, eyes closed as your hearts synced together, finding alignment. Finding home.