#kazzy's guide to life

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Hey guys! I wanted to put together a list of low spoons foods, and thought you might enjoy it. My primary objective was to come up with a list that requires little to no prep, is relatively inexpensive, and has a fairly long shelf life. There's also a few of my favorite simple recipes at the end. Bon apatite!

Proteins: Tuna/Canned chicken: Canned tuna/chicken can usually last a few years, and you can get it for a dollar or two, sometimes cheaper. It can be cooked easily in a skillet, eaten raw, or added to soups/pasta. Mix with some mayo for a quick tuna or chicken salad that goes well on bread, tortillas, or crackers. You can add raisins or cheese for a little extra variety as well! Breakfast sausage: A lot of meats are really scary to cook with, but I've come to the conclusion that breakfast sausage is designed for people with that groggy, zombie-like morning brain, so it's fairly simple; just pop it on a plate (usually with a paper towel to catch the grease) and toss it in the microwave. You can get it as links or patties, and if you're like me where foods with a hint of flavor are unreasonably spicy, there's a maple variety that's sweet rather than spiced. Deli meats: There's no rule against buying a package of pre-sliced ham, turkey, roast beef or even bologna that's designed for sandwiches and instead just snacking on it when you need some protein, or just serving it on the side with your meal. If it feels weird to just eat sliced deli meat and you've got the time and energy, get some sliced cheese as well, cut them into squares with a butter knife, and eat them with crackers for DIY lunchables. Peanut Butter: Peanut butter is an excellent source of protein, and you can eat it on bread, crackers, tortillas, celery, pancakes, or even just on its own on a spoon! If you don't like the texture, you can mix it into something else like oatmeal, sauces, or pancake batter. If you don't like the flavor, try it with a little cinnamon sugar (put cinnamon and sugar in a jar or shaker and shake it until incorporated.) If you've got a peanut allergy, alternative butters are good too, but often separate if you leave them out for too long, but are much better in baking than on their own. Eggs: Making eggs is hard sometimes, but you can boil a bunch in advance and leave them in the fridge for when you need them (not too many or for too long, though.) Just put them in water and bring it to a boil; once the eggs start to float, leave them there for ten minutes. Once they're done, drain them and leave them in cold water for ten minutes to cool. Either peel in advance if you've got the time, or peel as needed. Store in an airtight container in the fridge.

Dairy: Sliced Cheese: Just like with deli meats above, you can get sliced cheese to chomp on when you need a little boost. There's a lot of flavors to choose from! Shredded Cheese: Shredded cheese is great for sprinkling onto your meals or just snacking on handfuls of. You can also throw some onto some tortilla chips and pop 'em in the microwave for ~30 seconds to make quick, cheap nachos. Cheese sticks: Not a fan of eating slices or shreds of cheese? Cheese sticks are much more snackable and can be eaten on the go! Yogurt: You can eat it as is, or you can mix in frozen fruits and honey to create an almost ice-cream like treat! Chocolate Milk: A carton of chocolate milk that you are going to drink is better for you than a carton of regular milk that is going to go bad because you can't bring yourself to drink it. If you're like me and milk leaves a weird taste in your mouth, try following it with water or finishing the milk before you finish the rest of your meal. Cream Cheese: You can put this stuff on anything, guys. Bagels? Crackers? Toast? English Muffins? Tortillas? Regular muffins? Cookies, even? Go crazy! Cottage cheese: A lot of people like cottage cheese for salads or with peaches, but it can also be tasty on its own.

Grains: Crackers: You can eat them as is, you can add cream cheese, nutella, peanut butter, tuna salad, deli meats and cheeses, or you could dip them in a spread like hummus, guac, or ranch. Tortillas: Sometimes bread can be Scary and Evil and there's no way you're gonna eat a whole loaf before it goes bad. I get it. Tortillas last longer, they're a better texture, and it's only eight servings per bag. Use them whenever you'd make a sandwich- pb&j, ham & cheese, tuna salad and more can all go in a simple wrap or roll up. If you're feeling ambitious, you can also make a quick breakfast burrito by throwing scrambled eggs and breakfast sausage in a tortilla with a little cheese. Pancake mix: Boxed pancake mix is simple enough- just add water, or milk to make it fluffier, then cook according to instructions. It's a little time consuming, but it's simple to learn, and if you make a big enough batch you can just pop them in the microwave, airfryer, or even the toaster in the morning for the rest of the week. You can also spice up your mix by adding frozen fruits, peanut butter, bacon bits & cheese, or chocolate chips, or by replacing the water in the recipe with coffee, apple cider, or chocolate milk! Toaster Waffles: Toaster waffles are great for a quick breakfast or snack, but can also be used for sandwiches, or topped with a protein like peanut butter!

Fruits and Vegetables: Raisins: Raisins are sweet, inexpensive, take a long time to expire, and are guilt free— no one in the history of ever has ever felt bad about eating too many raisins! You can easily throw them in a trail mix (trail mix is a loose term; just throw whatever little snacks you have in the pantry into a bowl and mix 'em together,) or a chicken salad, and they're really good sprinkled on peanut butter! Dried fruit: You can find these in the trail mix section of most stores. If you don't like raisins, there may be a different dried fruit you do like. Dried bananas are delightfully crunchy. Dried mango is still a little moist. Find a dried fruit that works for you! Pickles: Pickles are a vegetable with an extremely long fridge life. You don't have to settle for pickled cucumber though; you can find all kinds of pickled vegetables at the store, or ask a friend who pickles (you know which friend came to mind) if they have a jar of pickled veggies they'd sell you or any tricks to pickling your own. Frozen Fruit: Fruits last so much longer frozen, and you can get fairly good sized bags of them for not too much at the store. They're great for mixing in with yogurt, baking, pancakes, and more! Frozen Vegetables: If expiration dates are your worst enemy, consider getting some longer lasting frozen veggies. They can be microwaved or added to soups or ramen. If you're not a fan of the taste, you can hide them by adding some in with the frozen fruit in a smoothie. Canned vegetables: Canned veggies also last a while, and can be added to soups, boiled, or sometimes eaten as is. Canned soup: Tomato soup or a soup with veggies in it is a great way to get some vegetables into your diet. You can also add any canned, fresh, or frozen veggies to any can of soup you have on hand to use up some of your leftovers before they go bad. Tomato sauce: If you keep a jar of marinara, pasta, or pizza sauce on hand in the fridge, you can spread it on any grain you have lying around (bagel, biscuit, crackers, bread, english muffin, tortilla) and add shredded cheese to make a quick and fun pizza. You can go crazy with extra toppings as well! Applesauce: It's great as is, but you could also mix in brown sugar and cinnamon, or add it to pancakes or oatmeal. It can also be used as an egg substitute in most of your baking, and you can even use it as a spread on pancakes!

Quick Recipes: 3 Ingredient Pancakes • 1/2 cup applesauce (or one mashed banana) • 1 egg • 1 packet instant oatmeal Mix all ingredients together and cook on a greased skillet at 375°

Two Minute Mug Cake • 6 tablespoons boxed cake mix • 4 tablespoons water or milk Combine ingredients in a mug and microwave for one minute.

Toaster Crispy Quesadilla • 1 tortilla • 1 slice of cheese (I like to use cheddar!) • deli meat Place a slice of cheese toward the top of the tortilla. Layer desired amount of meat on top. Fold the sides over your meat and cheese (so they can't drip out the sides) then fold in half over the cheese (so it won't drip out the bottom.) Place in the toaster with the open end UP! Toast as desired.

Tuna Bagel Melts • plain bagel • tuna salad (one can of tuna with a few spoonfuls of mayo to taste) • two slices cheese Open the bagel and spread tuna salad on it. Place the cheese on top of the bagels. Broil or airfry for a few minutes.

Cracker Pizzas • a dozen crackers • a few tablespoons tomato sauce • three slices of cheese Arrange the crackers on a plate. Spread a spoonful of sauce on each cracker. Fold each slice of cheese into fourths so they break apart. Place one little slice on each cracker. Microwave for thirty seconds.

Simple Smoothie Recipe • 1/2 cup yogurt • 1/2 cup milk • 1/2 cup frozen fruit Combine all ingredients in the blender. Blend. [To make this easier, pre-mark your blender. Add a half cup of water to your blender and mark with a sharpie to the fill level. Repeat twice. You now know what level to fill each ingredient to without the hassle of measuring them.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

As someone who worked at a "travel center" (one of those glorified gas stations that's also basically a truck stop) that had showers, I know they tend to be expensive (like, $18 a shower.) However, if you hang out at the side of the gas station where the truckers come in, you'll find a lot of them have shower credits they don't use (at a lot of travel centers, they accrue them by filling up on gas, but almost never use all the shower credits they get by the time they roll over) and are often willing to give away one of their shower credits to someone they hear who needs it. (Some managers who are less lenient on the rules will also often cheat the system to give away free showers to people, though they can get in trouble for this, so don't ask about it unless they offer.)

Travel centers also often have "freebies" in their coffee/hot dog station that are technically meant to go with their coffee/hot dogs/nachos/ect, but the employees usually won't stop you from taking it (they may judge you if you take excess amounts, but I don't think they can stop you; though I may be wrong.) You can usually snag a hot dog bun or two, plastic silverware/napkins, coffee creamers (again, don't take these in excess) and condiments. They also often have free rewards programs/cards/apps that give things away either free, buy 1 get 1, or at a discounted price. Take advantage of this!

Also, if you frequent a travel center enough, you can figure out their schedules. A lot of places will take down their dinner bar at a set time each evening (usually around 10pm) and they often have foods like mashed potatoes, meatloaf, vegetables, and/or pot roasts, and sometimes even pizzas that they're supposed to throw away. However, most of the main store managers have usually left by this point, as they tend to take the day shift, and the minimum wage employees in the deli usually don't like the idea of letting good food go to waste, so if you happen to intercept them on their way to the back with a cart of food they're gonna throw out, they usually don't have a problem with giving some of it away, since they were going to throw it out anyway, and sometimes it's not even been out for the full four hours before it times out at that point.

Also, as someone who's worked at Subway before: they almost always have broken cookies that they're not allowed to sell, and if you're not too proud to ask for them, they'll sometimes give them away upon request. (Again, minimum wage employees often hate the idea of good food going to waste.)

And what it was saying above about getting food when you work somewhere? Absolutely true. A lot of fast food joints will offer "free food on your shift" in some way shape or form, even if it's just a $10 meal voucher, and when you work somewhere, you can pick up pretty quickly on what the most cost efficient meals they sell are.

What to do if you suddenly find yourself homeless

FOOD

Find your nearest food bank or mission, for food

grocery stores with free samples, bakeries + stores with day-old bread

different fast food outlets have cheaper food and will generally let you hang out for a while.

some dollar stores carry food like cans of beans or fruit

SHELTER

Sleeping at beaches during the day is a good way to avoid suspicion and harassment

sleep with your bag strapped to you, so someone can’t steal it

Some churches offer short term residence

Find your nearest homeless shelter

Look for places that are open to the public

A large dumpster near a wall can often be moved so that flipping up the lids creates an angled shelter to stay dry

HYGIENE

A membership to the YMCA is usually only 10$, which has a shower, and sometimes laundry machines and lockers.

Public libraries have bathrooms you can use

Dollar stores carry low-end soaps and deodorant etc.

Wet wipes are all purpose and a life saver

Local beaches, go for a quick swim

Some truck stops have showers you can pay for

Staying clean is the best way to prevent disease, and potentially get a job to get back on your feet

Pack 7 pairs of socks/undies, 2 outfits, and one hooded rain jacket

OTHER

first aid kit

 sunscreen

 a travel alarm clock or watch

 mylar emergency blanket

 a backpack is a must

 downgrade your cellphone to a pay as you go with top-up cards

 sleeping bag

 travel kit of toothbrush, hair brush/comb, mirror

 swiss army knife

 can opener

[kazoosandfannypacks]

How To Get Good At Art:

Figure out what you're scared to draw.

Draw it.

I'm 100% serious. Are you scared to draw hands? Fill pages of sketchbooks with hands. Scared to draw faces? Draw so, so many faces. Scared to draw animals? Draw animals. Scared to use colors. Use colors. Scared to shade? Start shading.

A lot of people think you need innate talent to be good at drawing, but the only talent it takes is the ability to draw what you're scared of. Art is a learned skill, and the more you practice at it, the more capable you'll become. If something is scary to draw, it's because you haven't practiced at it. You've never done it before, (or you've barely done it, or you've done it once and saw how your first steps faltered and were terrified to take the next one,) so of course it's scary. Draw it anyways. Keep drawing it. Don't stop until you're not scared, until you're so familiar with it you don't want to stop anymore anyways.

Figure out what you're scared to draw, and draw it until it doesn't scare you anymore.

[vulgarcute]

First Contact || Jinx x Ohma || “Gods of Love”

Summary: After a long day Kazuo takes Ohma to an affordable restaurant serving high quality meats. What he doesn’t realize is that there will be a lack of customers, workers, or much of anything at all as the owner works to provide her customers with premium service. Service that Ohma can truly appreciate.

Word Count: 1,696 words

The night air was crisp with the dropping temperature enough to make anyone feel a select kind of shiver run through their body from head to toe. Every light in the bustling city streets acted to make things a bit warmer in the same vein that the body heat of those just passing by unknowingly did. Not that any of it was  important when the warmth brought on by glee was factored in. “Oi,” a voice called out to his smaller (and much older) companion with only a shred of concern, “aren’t you moving a little fast?” The man stood tall, everything about him swollen to match. Every muscle he had worked to it’s limit pushing against the tighter fabric of his jacket in an ever lovely manner that still managed to seem pitiful in comparison to the mess or black tresses sprouting from his head without much care or consideration. And yet there he was, a man with charm, a man with outward appearance  above the rest without even realizing so. 

That wasn’t to say his older friend didn’t have merit. He may have been older, his hair an organized mess and glasses stylishly outdated, but he too held a charm. His whole being encompassed the idea of a fatherly businessman taking out his son (or in this case figurative son) for a nice meal to celebrate whatever grand achievement caused him to beam with such unbridled boastfulness. Though he barely had one his chest was swollen with pride and steps full of fragile confidence.

Confidence that the meal he had promised the taller gentleman would be as delicious as victory, “Oh come on! You know they used to call me fast Kazzy back in my day!”

In the wind he had seen an advertisement fly by for a shockingly cheap restaurant by the name of “Lace Jelly”, and while the ad did seem a bit girly the promise of good food for a better price was enough to put away the idea that this might be some pop up cafe for women. If it was he would just… have to find somewhere else to eat. 

He found no comfort when, after going through a few alleys and into an isolated area, the sign above the shop was as decorated in lace and pearls as one could imagine. But this was no deterrent for the younger man, apparently Ohma, who pushed open the door without hearing the silent protests of the older man before he looked over his shoulder with a raised brow, “Yamashitakazuo, aren’t you coming in?” Again with the calling of his full name! Kazuo would never understand this young man. Alas, while he entered the sound of the calmly crackling radio entered his ears and filled the old man with a sense of nostalgia made only more potent by the smell of freshly baked bread; one basket on every table from what he could see.

The walls were a subtle pink that held the sunlight leaking through the windows in a manner one would think impossible given how the building was tucked away. The tables were rounded with an ornate wooden base lovingly painted a pale rose and white marble table top. There were already four white cushioned chairs around each of these five tables, paired with four pastel heart shaped dinner plates (each a different color), mugs to match, and silverware laid over rather plush looking napkins. It was all rather feminine yet still felt like a home in a way no other little cafe he had entered did in a very long time. 

Stepping forward Ohma took a menu off of the stool at the front and moved to one of the empty seats, not a single customer in sight despite the sound of things being put together in the kitchen, “We’ll be seating ourselves! A table of two!”

His voice carried apprehension as well as it dripped confusion as he sunk into the alarmingly cozy chair.

He opened his mouth to try and make small talk with Ohma but he was already drooling over the images of thick steaks on the menu. Closing his eyes he relaxed into his spot only for the sound of someone speaking to frighten him to the point of stiffening up, “what can I get for you two gentleman today?”

A bit high, but still holding as much youthful vigor as a voice could. It held motherly backing and at the same time was cute enough to reveal her as someone young. Not that her appearance didn’t give that much away. Her blonde hair was divided in three distinct parts; one large pigtail on either side of her head and the rest flowing behind her. The top was decorated with a cartoonishly large bow. The rest of her was just as unfortunately fitting. Her little baker’s uniform was off white with a cranberry apron buttoned on with a heart shaped pocket resting on another larger pocket nestled against the left side, a white band around her waist, bunny stockings, a bow bracelet, and black shows with a pure white heel. But despite it all evoking his need to adopt this unknown grown woman; it wasn’t truly what caught his attention. It wasn’t her blue eyes that sparkled with excitement even through her glasses, it wasn’t how she effortlessly filled both glasses on the table with ice water despite the size of the jug she held that looked much to heavy, no, it was the fact he didn’t sense at all that she was coming that struck a chord with him. And from the look on Ohma’s face, he was dealing with the same experience.

How was it that she managed to sneak up so effortlessly? He must have been staring, because the poor girl began to look a little uncomfortable. He should say something before-

��I’m sorry gentleman, I didn’t mean to sneak up on y’all. I just got excited about having customers and all that. How about I give you your first serving free, as amends?” She gestured to the empty tables with a twinge of sadness, “as you can see, it wouldn’t hurt anyone else’s orders.” “Steak.” Was all Ohma said, pointing to an elaborate looking dish on the menu with a bit of the free bread still tucked into the corner of his mouth like a chipmunk guarding it’s harvest. “Yes sir! And what about for you, mister?” she didn’t even seem worried about if Kazuo had accepted her offer, which made sense seeing how quickly his dear fighter had taken her up on it. Clearing his throat the man looked for something simple before deciding on what looked to be just that.

“I’ll have the, uh, how about your burger,” just a simple burger patty, didn’t seem all that complex right? Nothing to worry about. With a nod of her head she just seemed to fade into the background as she headed for the kitchen. Looking up at Ohma, Kazuo prepared to speak once more but instead found himself curiously watching the man across from him who stared at the door into the kitchen with an expression he had yet to have seen. In all the times he had taken ohma to eat, this was the first time he had seen the man focus on anything but the meal in front of him.

In a moment’s time the girl ame back to the front with two armfuls of food. One hand held an american style burger with all of the fixings and the other several rather hefty looking steaks, “now I don’t want to see either of you leaving a speck on these plates! I portioned it out so you wouldn’t fill up too much before your next helping!” With the trained hand of someone who had worked in the industry for far too long she handed both men their meals and stood there a moment to gauge their reactions. She was a business owner in a business that was frankly going under. If there was anything in the faces these men made to tell her anything it was her job to see it! Kazuo was a bit bewildered, but began to eat as not to be rude. But Ohma hadn’t waited even a second before chowing into his food without even a second thought about etiquette. He wasn’t even using the silverware she so lovingly set out for customers! After he finished the second of three steaks she spoke up again, “easy big guy, can't have a handsome gentleman like you dying in my shop! The paperwork is one thing but watching art die is another.”

For the first time since they had begun to eat together Kazuo saw Ohma pause.

“How could I eat free every day?” He sounded so curious but the way his plate had been cleaned revealed his enjoyment more than verbal communication could possibly have done so. But this was worrying, Ohma had an unknown background and didn’t seem to know enough about the world to live in it without the help of someone guiding him. He had common sense and basic intelligence in everyday life, expert intelligence when fighting, but in social situations he was as lacking in skill as it could have been. Enough that most jokes-

“I’d only every do that for my husband,” an innocent comment followed by a jest, “unless you’re volunteering.” Flew over his head. It was in that moment Ohma made a foolish decision that would have an outstandingly positive outcome, “I am.”

With a laugh the waitress stuck out her hand, “well husband, I think we should introduce ourselves before you do that. I’m Jinx, owner of the Lace Deer. I’m twenty four years old and my hobbies are running my restaurant and decorating.”

“Tokita Ohma,” He didn’t know really how old he was, just that he was in his late twenties if he counted years he could remember, “I like to eat, and I’m the strongest man you’ve ever met.”

And just like that, as he took her hand and agreed to something beyond what either realized, the fated pair had made their first contact.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Adding on to this: want mug cakes but don't want to keep a bunch of ingredients around? Get a boxed cake mix- any box cake mix will do! Mix six tablespoons cake mix with four tablespoons of water and microwave for a minute! Instant mug cake, any flavor you like, and one box will last you 5-7 mug cakes- so you can get yourself mug cakes for 20 cents each!

As a college student, currently really hungry with nothing to eat, I understand how hard it can be to get food. Sometimes you really just don’t have the money to eat and when you do, you waste it all on fast food instead of stocking up on cheap things because you’re so tired of Ramen Noodes and canned food you could barf. So, I’ve composed a list of recipes and resources that will fit a college kid’s budget and appetite. Don’t go hungry! <3

Ramen Noodle Recipes:

Ramen Noodle Stir Fry

Sirloin-Snap Pea Stir Fry

Chicken Noodle Soup

Chili Cheese Ramen

Egg Drop Ramen

Spinach and Ramen

Ramen Spaghetti

Ramen Alfredo

Cheesy Ramen Noodles

Mug Meals:

Cheesy Eggs Mug

Cheese and Broccoli Mug

Mac and Cheese in a Mug

Meatloaf in a Mug

Nutella Mug Cake

Cheesecake Mug

Coffee Cup Quiche

Coffee Cup Chilaquiles

Mug Egg Scramble

Microwave Recipes:

Potato Chips

Corn on the cob

Scalloped Potatoes

White Rice

Fried Rice

Baked Potato

Chicken Casserole 

Garlic Chicken

Chicken Soup Casserole

Caramelized Onion Baked Potato

Soft Chicken Tacos

Pancakes

Recipe Generators

My Fridge Food

Fire House Chef

Dinner in 15 Minutes

Advanced recipe Generator

Cuisine

Recipe Matcher

Super Cook

Recipe Puppy

Cook Thing

Recipes by Ingredient

Recipe Key

Not Beans Again

Ideas 4 Recipes

Big Oven

Other Resources

Actual College Student Cookbook

Restaurant Coupons [1] [2] [3] [4]

Free Birthday food [1] [2] 

[dregstrash]

gilded crowns (pt. 5)

A/N: Thank you so so so sooo much for all your support with this story. I’ve finally figured out the plot and I’m hoping to post in more normal intervals now I’ve been free from the jaws of school. 

I am, as always, so grateful to everyone who has decided to ever read my stuff. Hope everyone likes this newest chapter!!!

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4

Description: Prince Kaz of Ketterdam has been subject of much mystery and speculation, but that doesn’t stop his brother, King Jordie, to arrange a marriage from happening to Princess Inej of Suli. Neither party are happy with the arrangement. Kaz has other ideas and if he can drive Inej away, he can get back to the plans that’ll silence the demons that plague his dreams. Of course, what happens when she proves to be as stubborn as he is?

Tagging: @birdskullsandboats @lavehl @hysteriaas @definitely-not-procrastinating @fromferfer @lupine-teddy @ifangirlninja @spell-cleaver @s-artsnstuff @locksandbobbypins @friendo-nintendo @thatonefangirl-mrc @readmeaway @looking-for-wisdom  @terrywho-cartoons  @mykitchenisonfire151 @ysitsohardtofindaname @timeinhereyes

(if you wanna get tagged please let me know!)

Kaz remembered the first time he was ever afraid. He and Jordie were exploring in the gardens and they had stumbled upon a garden snake. Jordie, curious and reckless as always, stalked forward a long stick in his hand. Kaz had yelped in surprise and warning, and Jordie just shot his younger brother the smile that had gotten them into trouble on more than one occasion.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of, Kazzie,” He crooned. He had forced Kaz to take the stick and push him slightly into the lumbering creature.

“Stop!” Kaz had protested as his brother continued to push him forward. Already images of the snake uncoiling and wrapping around its neck, forcing the breath out of his body were swimming in his mind. The very idea of losing that simple control of breathing had Kaz’s small hand trembling and shaking.

But Jordie hadn’t listened, he simply wrapped his bigger hand around his and guided Kaz to poke the snake. The creature hissed in surprise and slinked off deeper into the shadows faster than either could blink and Kaz let out a loose, hysterical laugh.

“See?” Jordie ruffled his hair the way Kaz hated and continued on their walk. 

“As long as you don’t give yourself time to be think, not much can scare you.”

Looking back, Kaz could admit that that was terrible advice. Especially to a boy no older than ten, but as he tried to sit calmly at dinner, he was glad for those words. Because if Kaz gave himself any room to hesitate in the plan that he had discussed with Nikolai the night before, then he would never be able to get the information he wanted.

“How are you liking Ketterdam, Princess?” Jordie’s voice filtered through Kaz’s thoughts.

“I like it just fine, Your Majesty, I thank you for your hospitality.”

“It’s no trouble at all. We rarely get visitors these days, and I’m sure my brother enjoys the company.” The insinuation was thick in Jordie’s voice, and Kaz didn’t need to turn to face Inej to see the stiffness in her face. In any other situation Kaz would have cut his brother in a withering glare. But instead he seized the opportunity with both hands.

“I am very much enjoying the princess’s company.” Kaz rasped, fighting for his voice to adopt a lighter tone. “And I believe that a union would not be so terrible between us.”

The noisy clink of utensils up and down the table suddenly stilled. Everyone gathered, Jordie, his advisers, the Suli ambassadors, and Princess Inej, all gaped at him. Ignoring them, Kaz plunged on, “I’ve taken a look at some of the reports of our trade routes, and I don’t see why the Suli won’t make good, permanent trading partners.”

“Wait--” Jordie struggled for words, “Kaz, are you saying that--”

“And I was actually hoping to make things rather official for the sake of the paperwork,” Kaz talked on, slicing his food, feigning his nonchalance, “But I don’t see why I would need to prolong this decision any longer.”

“Your Highness, could it be--” The Suli ambassador’s eyes were lit up with triumph and joy.

But Kaz didn’t let the interruption stop him, “I would like to accept the Suli’s offer of marriage, and be formally engaged to the Princess Inej.”

If a painter had captured this moment, Kaz would have liked to call it “The Surprise Before the Storm.” Because that’s what it was. His brother’s mouth had hung open, caught between a smile and astonishment. His advisers eyes were drawn in befuddlement. The ambassador was suspended in a look of complete triumph. And Inej, oh Inej, she was Fury incarnate with her cheeks flushed and her eyebrows drawn in furious lines.

Less than a second after Kaz said the words, the table erupted in congratulations and applause and a call for more wine. Jordie clapped his brother on the shoulder proudly, and told him that he was doing his country a service. He probably missed the fact that Kaz had winced at the contact, and he was sure to have missed the way Kaz had started to leave the room as the servants came flooding back in with wine decanters in their hands.

Kaz started the long walk back to his rooms, and he mentally mapped out the rest of the plan.

His brother would overindulge himself tonight, that he was sure of. Which meant official paperwork wouldn’t be drawn until mid-afternoon tomorrow. That gives the ambassador plenty of time to start making arrangements with Inej to plan the wedding and alerting her parents to the news. He turned a corner and weighed the other factors in his mind. More likely than not the wedding would be planned for the coming months that would give Nikolai plenty of time to--

Kaz’s train of thought staggered to a screeching halt as he was being shoved roughly against the wall with the tip of a blade resting at his throat. A thin, but feminine forearm kept his chest pressed back, and he wasn’t all that surprised to see Inej glaring up at him.

“How dare you?” She hissed out.

If her anger wasn’t enough, he could feel the heat of her body singeing his clothes, and he fought for breath as he tried to fight the wave of dizziness that had exploded behind his eyelids. He wanted to push her away, or tell her to move, but he risked looking weak. And he couldn’t afford that. So, he tried to breathe through it, but his efforts were impeded as his Adam’s apple brushed against the sharp edge of her knife. “Am I supposed to answer that question or wait for you to kill me?” Kaz mused. “This is the first time I’ve had a knife to my throat, so you’ll have to let me know as it looks like you’ve had a lot of practice.”

“You had no right to decide that without talking to me.” She said, ignoring the question in his voice.

“No right to already make an inevitable decision that would be forced upon us later?” He argued.

“No one was going to force me to marry the likes of you.”

“Is that why your parents left for Suli? Leaving you here to some sort of prolonged dream vacation?”

Her nostrils flared, but he knew that he had hit some unknown nerve.

“Our fates were sealed with our births, Princess.” Kaz continued. “I’m just doing it on my own terms.”

“This is not some decision that is only reliant on you. I’m not some unwanted present that you can take apart to fit your needs, Prince.”

“I never presumed you were.”

“Oh really?” She scoffed, “Because from what I’ve seen, that’s how you treat everyone.”

Something flashed in her eyes, and he knew that she was remembering that night at the Crow’s Club. That night two weeks ago, neither of them had acknowledged, that had caused a new line of  tension in their already strained relationship.

He resisted the urge to tell her that it was her idea to follow him, and that it was her fault that she had to witness the punishment he inflicted on cheating dealers (someone should have told the man that his boss had eyes like a bird, and the mercy of a demon). He also tamped down the need to defend himself that it was only a pinky, because in all honesty, he could have done much, much worse.

His goal that night was for Inej to see him for the monster that he really was, and somehow seeing it for himself brought an unexpected bitterness in his mouth.

Swallowing down his revulsion, Kaz pressed forward a little bit, risking cutting his own throat as he stared Inej down, “What do you expect, Your Highness? When you’ve already been taken apart, it’s hard to see anything as whole.”

She’d never really know what it really meant to be taken apart. She’d never have dreams painted in his mother’s blood as he recalled the way her head was slumped forward, her bed coated in the sticky wet blood. She’d never feel the absolute terror of finding his father drowned in his tub with a hooded man still dripping from the bathwater startle at the sight of the younger boy. She’d never know the blackness that suddenly gripped Kaz’s vision as strong arms forced his whole body into the water with the lifeless body of what used to be his father. The blackness that wasn’t strong enough to block the feeling of his father’s bloated corpse on top of his, as water forced its way into his lungs and a stronger hand kept him from the sanctuary of air.

“That’s no excuse, Kaz.” His name on her lips was much worse than any cold title or hint of disdain. Hearing her soft voice curl around the short syllable made him almost forget the precarious position they were in. With her holding his life in the palm of her hand.

“I wasn’t trying to make an excuse,” Kaz bared his teeth. She moved her position slightly and the bare skin of her arm brushed against the exposed exposed skin of his collar. The unexpected contact brought in a new wave of nausea and a surprising shock of panic.

Without thinking about the blade or what she might think, he hastily maneuvered out of her grip and growled when she tried to take a step forward. His chest was heaving slightly as cold sweat formed a new layer over his skin, and he tried his hardest to regain his composure.

When he straightened to look her in the eye, he ignored the vague look of concern on her face. He hadn’t been planning on letting the princess in on his plans, but he reconsidered his earlier decision. She was light on her feet, looked like she could handle herself in a fight, and heavily determined to not be married to him. These could all lend themselves to his favor if he played his cards right.

He coughed as if nothing had happened and brushed his suit nonchalantly, “The engagement is just a distraction, darling Princess. I just need more time to get some business in order, and once that happens, I’ll happily break it off, and you can go back to Suli to be offered on a platter to a prince who actually cares.”

Her earlier concern was soon taken over with surprise then suspicion .

“What do you mean?” She asked cautiously.

“I have some dealings with Strumhond that need a large distraction, and our wedding is practically made for it. I assure you, you will not have to be married to me by the end of it.”

She sheathed her knife with a practiced ease, and crossed her arms over her chest. She wore a deep purple dress tonight. The cut of it simple enough to not be extravagant, but still elegant enough to constantly assault Kaz with the simple fact that she really was beautiful. The deep flutter of his stomach as that realization dawned on him only had him scowling further.

“What exactly are you planning with that pirate?”

Kaz bit the urge to correct her, and shrugged, “It’s none of your concern.”

“I’m the one engaged to you, of course it’s my concern.”

“So you’re saying you do accept the engagement?” Kaz smirked. Inej gave him a blank look, and he almost laughed at the expression. He gave a flourished bow, “Until the next forced dinner we have to sit through, my darling fiancee.”

[zawazawanightmares]

Selene & Kazzie & Jazzie

You, Selene (Greek Mythology), are connected to Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ] Your partner selected the 18+ server. Your partner has a starter. Type /starter or tap here to see it.

Selene (Greek Mythology): /starter

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: Disclaimer: I prefer casual in-character starts. I also just love being thrown into a random situation and having to improvise. But I can chat too! I might do it in-character, so be warned. Note that they don't have to be together; you can pick one or the other! Also, I love casual, easygoing, slice of life stuff, as well as just general feel-good roleplays. Bios: Kazzie Mono Age: 23 (or at least, it's supposed to be) Gender: Robot girl Species: Robot girl Personality: Bubbly, Cutesy, Outgoing, Excitable, Upbeat, Silly, Caring, Supportive, Dense, Very indecisive, 85 IQ Height: 4'09" Weight: Just a little, easy to pick up Appearance: Pure white synthetic skin, Black sclera with Green eyes, Green twintails with fuzzy bangs, Silky white dress with green highlights, Robotic gauntlet arms, and White heels with green trimmings Body Type: Thin, lithe, flat Likes: Robots, girls, robot girls, pizza (despite the fact that she can't eat), music, any kind of wholesome affection, praise, affectionate rubbing and caressing, general coziness and cuddliness, cutesy words & cutesy talk Dislikes: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Inventory: None --- Jazzie Mono Designated Age: 24 Gender: Robot girl Species: Robot girl Personality: Mellow, Chill, Irritable, Antsy, Slight softie Height: 5'06" Weight: 140 lbs Appearance: Pure white synthetic skin, Black sclera with Hot pink eyes, Cut eyebrows, Lavender eyelash markings, Hot pink twintails with slightly darker pink bangs partially covering one of her eyes, a Hot pink crop top exposing midriff, Black torn shorts, Black fingerless gloves, and Spiky wristcuffs Body Type: Slightly toned with visible abs and midriff Likes: Rock music, guitars, punk & goth aesthetics, fighting, wholesome affection, praise, affectionate rubbing and caressing, ab praise/rubbing/caressing Dislikes: Her sister, guys Inventory: Weaponized Ax Guitar --- (If you want my discord, it's Kazzie#7152, though please tell me why you added me!) Current mood: Surprisingly okay for once. Just a random little note; if your character's a robot girl, a spider girl, a goblin girl, a lamia girl, a moth girl, or a hot toned girl with visible abs, chances are I will stop on you and beg to roleplay with you.

Selene (Greek Mythology): Selene was spying on people from her room on Mount Olympus, as the goddess of the moon is known to do. Suddenly, she spotted two sister with weird skin tones and was curious as to how such beings could be created without The Moon's notice. Sighing in annoyance, she guided gracefully down to the Earth on a beam of light...crashing into the Earth right in front of the sisters, towering over them in divine glory. "Hello, sisters. I am Selene, your goddess of the moon. Please, halt your praise and adulations."

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: The two sisters flinched and jumped back, Kazzie shrieking. "--K-kyaahh! D-don't kill me...!" Kazzie cowered, Jazzie glaring at her cautiously. "Goddess of...the moon?" Jazzie stood up straight, blinking. "...Wait, goddesses and stuff are real? ...Does that mean I can't be an atheist anymore...?" Jazzie looked down to her hands, at a loss for words. Kazzie peeks out from behind her sister. "...Oh, wait, you're actually really pretty!" Kazzie immediately lights up with a smile.

Selene (Greek Mythology): Selene flipped her space-black hair with a single hand, the twinkles of stars flashing briefly from the gesture. "This is no difficult observation. Gods tend to outrank most mortals in terms of appearance. The few mortals who meet our level we take up to Olympus to be our cupbearers, lovers and vow renewal ceremonies DJs. Now...I demand to know of the nature of you two. This is an order from a goddess so if I detect a single falsehood, I will destroy you both on the spot." She placed both her hands on her hips authoritatively, her noticeably built form and taller than usual for a mortal height betraying her Titan heritage.

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: Kazzie's smile fades, the green sister stepping out from behind her pink sister, the two of them looking at each other. "...Uh...w-well, like...we're...robots. Machines. Androids. W-whatever you wanna call us." Jazzie spoke up. "We were both made t-to be...idols, basically. And..." "I'm Kazzie!" Kazzie blurted out with a smile. "...Yeah, she's Kazzie. I'm Jazzie, her older sister." After a little pause, Jazzie rubs the back of her neck, trying to think. She really didn't wanna screw this up and get both of them killed...

Selene (Greek Mythology): "Machines...ah." That explanation seemed to satisfy her...until her expression suddenly soured and she thrusted her face at them with a scowl. "^^Idols^^? Idols for what are you looking to take praise away from the gods? Or, more specifically, the Moon?"

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: "--N-no, no, not that kind of idol!" Jazzie shook her head and her hands, her pupils shrunken. "I-I meant...pop star, music idols!" She quickly clarified, visibly shuddering a bit. Kazzie looks like she's about to hide behind her sister again. "Like...i-it means we were created to be popular musicians."

Selene (Greek Mythology): "Musicians...hm. Words do tend to change their meanings over time..." She tapped her finger to her lips. "Fine. Prove it. I want both of you to perform a song for me. Make it about any subject...no, I change my mind. Make it about the Moon. And I find it disparaging in any matter, I will do to both of you what I did to That One Guy. A shame...he was an excellent one man band."

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: "P-perform a song about...the moon?" The two sisters look to each other. Immediately they start scrambling to get into position, Jazzie pulling out her guitar as Kazzie takes out a microphone. The two look completely uncoordinated, trying to figure out what they're even going to do. "U-uhh...just...g-give us a minute, okay? We'll...we'll make something up!" Kazzie tried to reassure with a smile.

Selene (Greek Mythology): "You have all the time in the world...scratch that, make it five minutes. I promised Pan that we would attend the orgy on Saturn today." She watched the two with a raised eyebrow.

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: The two completely overlook her rather interesting statement as they both stop and talk to each other in close quarters, trying to work something out...after a couple of minutes, the two take position, Kazzie clearing her throat. "O-okay, uh...I-I think we're ready!"

Selene (Greek Mythology): The goddess nodded. "Very well. Let's hear it." She crossed her arms, looking even more imposing as she waited.

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: Jazzie turned down the distortion on her guitar, beginning to play a slow, somber melody. Kazzie closes her eyes...and begins to sing along to said melody. "O goddess of the moon, for those that see you...not for your beauty, with not a clue..." "Surely, they were mistaken; for beauty I see, vision not shaken..." "Seer of the moon, light of night sky, we'll surely swoon, our hearts would fly..." "If you'd heed our request...share your bequest...and please...leave us at ease."

Selene (Greek Mythology): Selene stared stone-faced at them...as tears streamed from her eyes. "Such beautiful words...from such a wondrous source! You two were correct: you are idols." She wiped her eyes. "As a boon for your radiant music, I will grant you my favor."

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: The two of them stand and wait in anticipation...letting out a huge sigh of relief as the woman seemed to enjoy their little poem. "Huff...t-thank you..." Kazzie uttered, overwhelmed with relief. Jazzie lifted her head, tilting it a little. "Your favor...?"

Selene (Greek Mythology): Selene smiled and tore her robe off of herself with one hand, revealing her muscled, large-chested form. "I will require you two to undress as well."

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: "--Oh holy shit..." Jazzie uttered, the sisters' eyes wide open from the sight of Selene's wonderful body...not wanting to upset her and undo the progress they made, nor the miracle they'd just improvised, the two sisters quickly take off their clothing. Once they were both nude, Kazzie sort of covered her chest up with one arm. "I...I-I almost feel unworthy in the presence of such a pretty woman..." Kazzie said.

Selene (Greek Mythology): "You are...so be sure to be extra grateful." Selene boasted as she reached over and raised the sister's up, bringing their members both close to their face. "I see you two brought special offerings to your goddess. You'll be rewarded accordingly." And with that, she proceeded to suck on Kazzie's uncovered cock before switching to Jazzie's, alternating between the two with no slowing down or need for air.

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: "W-we will!" Kazzie nodded. The two look taken by surprise as Selene lifted them both up with ease. Kazzie gasped and shuddered, her eyes rolling up as she felt the goddess sucking her off. "H-hwuaahh...~" She let out a cute little moan. Then Jazzie's given a taste of this pleasure, tensing up. "Hn-nnn..."

Selene (Greek Mythology): When the two were hard enough, she took in both their cocks at the same time, pushing the two together only to make sure both of their cocks filled her mouth at the same time. Her wet mouth sucked them with the force of the tides.

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: Once the two sisters were hard, Selene took both of them into her mouth at the same time, their shafts frotting against each other as Selene sucked them deeply. "--K-kyaah~...aaahh, sis...I-I feel your cock against mine...!~" Kazzie moaned. Jazzie grunted. She nearly tells her green sister to shut up, but she's far too preoccupied with getting sucked off by a goddess to even speak. "H-haahh...~"

Selene (Greek Mythology): Selene kept sucking them with no abandon...before abandoning her act to set them surprisingly gently on the ground. "I wish to give you another boon...but you two will have to prepare me." She pressed Kazzie's face to her pussy and nearly bruises (somehow) Jazzie's by pressing it to her ass. "Hop to it."

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: Kazzie's legs bent inwards, the poor girl nearly falling over as they're both set on the ground. And then, suddenly, Selene forces her pussy up to kazzie's face, and Jazzie's to her ass. "--mmph...!" Jazzie grunted, muffled by Selene's puckered hole. With a gasp, Jazzie quickly got to lapping up and lubing the goddess' rear hole with her saliva, Kazzie also rather quick to begin eating out the goddess' pussy. "Mhhnn~...hnnn...~" Kazzie moaned gently against Selene's pussy, sending vibrations throughout her slit as she looks up at the woman, kissing and suckling on her clit.

Selene (Greek Mythology): "Mmmm...you two are quite skilled." She petted both of their heads as they pleasured her, purring. "You clearly have experience in these matters...I assume your music is quite popular here?" She was quickly getting wet from their devoted attention.

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: "Mhahh..." Kazzie pulled back, her lips coated in Selene's juices. "N-no, not y-yet..." She stuttered out, quickly returning to suckling on Selene's clit while Jazzie ate out her puckered ass. "Mhhh...hnnff..." She groans, sticking her tongue inside and swishing it around.

Selene (Greek Mythology): "Unnfff...such insolence from the ignorant masses! We'll have to change that..." She pushed the two's heads away before standing them up by their chins. "I am ready. Now...prepare yourselves..." She pulled Jazzie closer behind her, hotdogging her with her cheeks as she wrapped a leg around Kazzie, pushing her tip against her slit. "Now, with all your strength...take me!"

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: Jazzie's length slid between the goddess' rear cheeks, totally encapsulated between them, receiving possibly the best assjob she'll ever get in her life. Meanwhile, Kazzie's pulled close enough that her tip was touching Selene's slit. "--A-aahh...y...y-yes ma'am!~" Nodding with glee, Kazzie suddenly thrust up into the goddess' pussy, sliding every inch of her cock into Selene. "H-haah!~ I...I-I feel so unworthy, of the feeling of having sex with a g-goddess...!"

Selene (Greek Mythology): "Then prove yourself worthy!" Selene grinned as Kazzie slipped her member inside of wet caverns. "You, back there! Prove yourself as well!" She commanded Jazzie.

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: "--Ghh..." Jazzie flinched and looked up at the woman, and then back down...she pulls back, thrusting her length into Selene's puckered, lubed ass, gasping. "Ghuaa~...it's...so h-heavenly..." The pink robot trailed off, the two sisters beginning to move their hips back and forth asynchronously, taking one of the goddess' holes each. "O-ohhh, goddess, I-I feel so unbelievably grateful...to be feeling your beautiful, wet pussy, wrapped around my cock...!~" Kazzie huffed.

Selene (Greek Mythology): "And you are pleasing your goddess, pressing your wonderful tool inside my holiest of craters...harder, faster!" She laughed as she tightened on Kazzie, enjoying both her poundings and Jazzie's assault from the back, feeling a rush she hadn't felt since she first lied with Helios. "You two are amazing in your carnal skill...I am close to a feeling I have not felt in eons!"

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: Kazzie's thighs lightly thwap against the goddess' as she moves faster, Jazzie already roughly pounding against Selene's ass, over and over. "Mnnf~...haahh, such a heavenly ass...nnngh, goddess, please...let me fill you with my cum...~" Jazzie begged. "M-me too!~ I...p-please...let me cum inside...!"

Selene (Greek Mythology): She reached out one last time to hold the two against her, trapping them with incalcuable might. "Don't you dare waste a drop! Let it all out inside of me! So commands your goddess of the moon!"

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: The two sisters try thrusting faster, rougher...trying their hardest to please not only themselves, but their goddess, as well. "H-haahh...nnnf...t-thank you! I-I'll be sure...mmmf~...t-to give you every drop of my virile futa cum!~" Kazzie cried out in a moan, the two pushing as deep as they could, Jazzie blowing her load into Selene's thick, tight, heavenly ass, while Kazzie cums inside of her godly pussy. "H-haaahh, I'm cumming!~ I-I'm cumming inside of a goddess!~"

Selene (Greek Mythology): Selene let out a low, contralto, sultry moan as she felt the two gynoids fill her up. "Mmm...you two have given me a wonderful offering indeed. You have my gratitude."

Kazzie & Jazzie [ Two futa robot girl sisters! | Bios/Descriptions in Starter ]: Once the two're completely spent, Jazzie leans forward, hugging onto Selene's ass as the two pant heavily. "A-aahh...huhhff...hnnn...haahh, t-thank you...s-so much, goddess..." Kazzie stuttered out, her cheeks a bright grassy green, blissfully smiling up at Selene.

Selene (Greek Mythology): Selene returned their smile with the warmth of the moonlight. "You two have provided with wonderful scene...I am looking forward to what demi-god or demi-goddess will sprout from this union..."

You left the chat

[jarpadandjensens]

85 Questions

rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

tagged by: my buddy @adoringjensen  (heart eyes mf)

tagging: @samspurpletoothbrush, @sammyhale, @winchesterhunterbros, @deanyw

@jensenscomedyelbows @electricmonk333 @sensitivehandsomeactionman @beekeepercain

@sweetpadalecki​  @1800callsam​  @sugarjared​ @thatpadaleckipink​ @spn-idjits-guide-to-hunting​  (and anyone elsee just tag meee)

the last 1. drink: coffeeeeeeeeee 2. phone call: i try not to think about it ugh 3. text message: MY MUMMY (i love my mum so much youdon’t eeen know) 4. song you listened to: Malibu - Miley Cyrus (listen) 5. time you cried: two nights ago reading fanfic  6. dated someone twice: yes 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yes 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: yes, it’s horrible. Not for  long time tho. 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: yes.

3 favorite colors 12. pink  (looky) 13. pinky violet  (oooh) 14. this blue   (nice)

in the last year have you 15. made new friends: yahhh!!! 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: yes omfg 18. found out someone was talking about you: ,,,,yes 19. met someone who changed you: my beautiful friends <3 20. found out who your friends are: yes 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: a bunch of peeps :D general 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them 23. do you have any pets: FISHIES 24. do you want to change your name: nah 25. what did you do for your last birthday: umm went down to the beach and had hot chips and bubbly :D 26. what time did you wake up: 8.05 am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: (reading fanfic as usual) 28. name something you can’t wait for: spring (it is the middle of winter here hahaha nope go awaaay) 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: last week 31. what are you listening to right now: out of love - iindia (listen) 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes 33. something that is getting on your nerves: SPN is no longer on netflix australia (hisses) also it is too cold atm 34. most visited website: this hell site, are u kidding me. same ugh. 35. hair color: blonde with hot pink streaks 36. long or short hair: longish 37. do you have a crush on someone: Mr Padalecki 38. what do you like about yourself: i am super optimistic (which can also be annoying heh heh) 39. piercings: ears 40. blood type: i can’t remember (eep) 41. nickname: lipglosskaz (full nickname is princess lipglosskaz of gorgeousness bwah) kazzy, kaz 42. relationship status: taken 43. zodiac: aries 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favorite tv show(s): SUPERNATURAL wooh!! (altho at the moment i am watching bloodlines - so mush DRAMA) 46. tattoos: eeek no i hate needles 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: none 49. piercing: already answered??? 50. sport: umm i run (stagger fall) 51. vacation: cruise to Fiji this nov. Phuket with 7 gf’s next march 52. pair of trainers: umm nike? i bought  a kids size on special  more general 53. eating: for brekkie i hat a choc chip pancake (and a latte mmm) 54. drinking: more coffee meep  //bounces off walls 55. i’m about to: do some paperwork yuck 56. waiting for:  nothing, i like to live in the day i am in. 57. want: MORE LIPGLOSS OF COURSE SILLY 58. get married: yes 59. career: i am a bookkeeper but i would like to work in graphic design

which is better 60. hugs or kisses: hugsss 61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: taller 63. older or younger: older 64. nice arms or nice stomach: how do i decide. umm tummy 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: idk little of both? have you ever 67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: yes 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: both 70. turned someone down: yes 71. sex on the first date: no 72. broken someone’s heart: i don’t know 73. had your heart broken:yes 74. been arrested: nope 75. cried when someone died: yes (both fictional and non) 76. fallen for a friend: no do you believe in 77. yourself: most days 78. miracles: yes 79. love at first sight: nah 80. santa claus: will i get pwezzies if i say yes? 81. kiss on the first date: sure 82. angels: yes other 83. current best friend’s name: in RL Julie and GC 84. eye color: dark brown 85. favorite movie: at the moment John Wick and Deadpool of and guardians of the galaxy

[kazoosandfannypacks]

I think this is a good time to give some advice to young people out there [or anyone, really,] especially religious young people. I'm a Christian and have worked three secular jobs. Each and every time, I've said right from the get-go "hey, I can't work Sundays," and every single time they've put me on the schedule for the next available Sunday slot. I may just be speculating here, but I think this is intentional. They want me to say "okay, they've scheduled me for one day I can't work, so I'll just skip church and work it, just this once," to set a precedent for "whatever kazzy asks for off is just a suggestion."

Friends, especially young people, be firm from the very beginning. Let them know you mean what you say. You don't need to be mean, but you need to set that boundary from the start. They want to see you start out pliable. Don't let them do this! Let them know asap that "we agreed on x upon hiring; I cannot do this." This even applies to personal days off!!! If you've agreed not to work on Tuesdays just because you need your consistent day off or your favorite show is on that night, or even you just want every Tuesday off, let them know from the get-go: "I cannot work Tuesdays. Change my availability. If this happens again, I cannot come in."

Let them know you cannot be shaken.

A general tip for students who are sending those dreaded Religious Absence Emails to your professors: Rather than asking permission to take the day(s) off, politely let them know that you will be taking the day(s) off.

In other words, consider not saying this:

"May I miss class on [date] so I can observe [holiday]?"

It's not that there's anything wrong with the above, per se. But because it's phrased as a request, it risks coming across as optional — a favor you hope to be granted. Problem is, favors are not owed, and so unfortunately asking permission opens the door for the professor to respond "Thanks for asking. No, you may not. :)"

Instead, try something along the lines of:

"I will need to miss class on [date] because I will be observing [holiday]. I wanted to let you know of this conflict now, and to ask your assistance in making arrangements for making up whatever material I may miss as a result of this absence."

This is pretty formal language (naturally, you can and should tweak it to sound more like your voice). But the important piece is that, while still being respectful, it shifts the focus of the discussion so that the question becomes not "Is it okay for me to observe my religion?", but rather, "How can we best accommodate my observance?

Because the first question should not be up for debate: freedom of religion is a right, not a favor. And the second question is the subject you need to discuss.

(Ideally, do this after you've looked up your school's policy on religious absences, so you know what you're working within and that religious discrimination is illegal. Just in case your professor forgot.)

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Sometimes you just gotta go to Walmart, buy a blank sweatshirt, cut out some felt, use embroidery floss to sew it onto the sweatshirt, and make your own fandom merch. I'm currently wearing an oversized sweater with the Gizmoduck logo on it, and I spent less than $15 on that.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

I think the weirdest lesson I've learned in fandom is the best way to block tags to avoid negativity on your feed/shipping discourse.

Let's say you join a fandom. You really ship characters A and B. So, you go to the character B tag, and you're met with posts shipping characters B and C. You don't ship characters B and C, so, being an experienced tumblr user, you block "#character b X character c" and similar tags, and go about your life.

Then, you see a lot of posts that say "I don't like characters A and B together." You really enjoy seeing characters A and B together, so this makes you annoyed, especially when buzzwords like "toxic" or "creepy" are thrown around. This is not a moral failure. Both sides do this. So, you just go to your filtering settings and block "#anti character a X character b." Then you'll know peace, right?

Wrong. You go into the character a X character b tag and there's still discourse. There's people complaining about how they think characters b and c are gonna be canon and there's not much hope for a and b. There's people saying that even though a lot of people support b and c, they don't. There's people saying "it's a dark time for the a X b fandom right now, but we will prevail over b X c." You came to the A x B tag only to find it full of people talking about B and C, and it's really bogging you down.

So what do you do?

Block "#anti character b x character c" and similar tags.

Block these tags of something you agree with? If it's bogging you down, yeah! Your tumblr will be such a peaceful place if you keep your head out of both sides of the conflict and just live your shipping life.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

If you're like me and like Funko Pops, you've probably run into the same problem as me: your collection amasses itself quickly, and suddenly you've spent an arm and a leg on collectibles and now you've gotta spend another arm and a leg on some kind of shelf for them because they're taking over all your bookshelves and your shelf is covered with Funkos no one will see because you had to layer them tp fit them all in there and there's three stacks of books on your desk so you can't use your desk so your laptop sits on the table and that means that your table can't be used for eating at so all your dishes end up in the living room...

If you relate to The Funko Problem, I need to show you guys my new Funko storage solution, because I have 19 funko pops and managed to get them all on the wall, without damaging the boxes, without needing any special tools other than an optional hammer, for less than a dollar total.

It may be hard to see in this picture, but I just put a thumbtack (📌) in the wall directly above each boxed Funko Pop. It might take a few tries to get it into the right place, but you just need to be sure they fit snuggly without bending the box. They can either lightly press on top of the box, or, if you can get the tack to go all the way into the wall (a hammer is helpful!) you can slide the cardboard of the back of the box between the tack and the wall, just underneath the metal pin of the tack. For these ones, I was able to tuck them snugly in between the tacks and that moulding/chair rail thing.

For these ones that I wanted a bit higher on my wall, where there isn't a moulding to rest on, I put two tacks underneath each one and one tack on top, and it worked just as well.

I had a few pops whose boxes were missing or that I purchased second-hand without the box. For these, I either placed them on top of a set of boxes on the wall, or placed them in a Pop protector box one of them was shipped in (obviously I'm not a for-profit collector, so I think putting a box in a box is not worth my time.)

This method also works for storing funko minis, which are great for filling up tiny spaces!

And there you go! Just buy yourself a box of tacks or dig them out of your junk drawer, and you've got floating storage for your Funkos!

[kazoosandfannypacks]

"Grover passed around the smoothies. Salty sailor for me, obviously— just a hint of salted caramel with apples and bananas."

I can't be the only one who read this line in Chalice of the Gods and was filled with an intense craving for a drink I've never had before, right? Well, if you're like me and want to try a Salty Sailor, you're in luck, because I was wild enough to try it, and I'm sharing the recipe here!

Himbo Juice's Salty Sailor Smoothie

(copycat recipe by kazoosandfannypacks)

1/2 Cup milk

1/2 Cup yogurt (I use vanilla because I like the sweetness and rich flavor, but for a healthier and less potent smoothie you can use plain yogurt, or, if you wanna stay on theme, Greek yogurt.)

approximately 1/4 cup frozen bananas (the more you use, the thicker the smoothie and stronger the flavor)

approximately 1/4 cup frozen apples (see above)

approximately 1 tablespoon caramel (i used a caramel ice cream topping and a pinch of salt. This can be modified based on how subtle you want that hint of caramel)

Pour all ingredients into blender.

Blend until fully incorporated. If mixture seems too thin, add a little extra frozen fruit. If it seems too thick, add a little milk. (mine usually comes out super thin, so I end up adding a couple extra banana and apple chunks)

Enjoy!

[kazoosandfannypacks]

today on "it's cheaper than therapy:" here's a great way to decompress when you're upset about something.

1. download this image:

2. When your mind feels heavy, open the image in an add-text-to-photo app and write out your thoughts and feeling and everything clouding your mind, then overlay it on the dark clouded portion of the image- in black text, so it's written, it's not deleted, but it's also not legible, so you aren't dwelling on it.

3. Insert something that makes you happy in the doorway on the bottom half, and put the name of said thing in between "omg" and "hi"

4. save meme and feel less sad!

example:

[kazoosandfannypacks]

GIFT WRAPPING LIFE HACK: You know that thing where you get the wrapping paper folded over perfectly, then go to get out the tape for it and it slides around and you can't get that crisp wrapped edge? Grab a gluestick and glue the paper where it overlaps. This will hold your paper down, at the very least, for long enough to tape down the seams!

[kazoosandfannypacks]

I think my new favorite hack to find a watsonian solution (explainable within the canon of the media) to a doylist urge (this happens because I, the author, want/need this to happen) is to just. assign your doylist desires to another character.

You need your characters to be sitting next to each other in the backseat, despite the fact that it's social norm to leave the middle seat empty? Oh, the driver of the car says, the seatbelt on that side's not working, you'll have to sit in the middle seat. Why's that seatbelt just happen to be broken? Oh, it's not. The driver just wants to see these characters together as much as you do.