#justified crossover fic

[dispatchvampire]

Close Encounters of the Preferred Kind - (MCU/Justified Crossover)

Part 2 in my wholly unintentional Two Snipers series.

Rating: PG-13

Fandom: Justified/The Avengers (MCU) Crossover (kinda)

Pairing: Clint Barton/Tim Gutterson

Word Count: 2066

Warnings: Fluff (kinda sorta, if you squint), canon level violence, aliens, cussing, a lot of cussing.

Summary: Set after the events of 'Bad Mistakes (I've Made A Few)', this is the second meeting of our fateful couple, with aliens invading, families meeting, and, of course, Tim's long-suffering boss, Chief Deputy Marshal Art Mullen. Life gets messy when worlds collide.

Author’s Notes: 100% did not intend to write a follow-up to BM, but these two don't really do things on my timeline or my schedule. Anyway, the idea of this made me laugh, this is what happens when you introduce your Boo to your people, and everybody had issues. Oh, and the mood board was all me, with picture credit going to their varying photographers.

Eastern Kentucky is not where one expects Armageddon to start, but there it is and there they are. 

“What the fuck am I looking at, Art?” the sniper asked his superior officer as he stared unflinchingly down his rifle scope. When he’d gotten the call that all hell had broken loose in Noble’s Holler, Tim figured it was more methed up psychopaths who were unclear on the local mayor’s penchant for pig sticking. Purple creatures falling out of a hole in the sky with more tentacles than a jellyfish was not on his bingo card. 

“I got no idea,” the older man answered, never once looking up from his binoculars, “but my suggestion is nothing but headshots.” He paused as he loaded his own rifle and stretched out on a bluff overlooking the mayhem next to Tim. To look at the Chief Deputy in his tie and button down shirt, he didn’t seem the type to get down on the ground and dirty, but most folks underestimated him to their peril. The man taught at Glynco and was a badass well before Tim got proficient with a slingshot, much less a rifle.  “Assuming that those are actually their heads.”

“Copy that.” There was nothing quite as satisfying as brass ejecting from the port and watching his target become iridescent green mist. 

Alien invasions were not generally the purview of the United States Marshals Service,  but occasionally, needs must. 

The giant millipedes had massive tentacles and leathery purple skin which was impervious to conventional small arms fire; the only thing that seemed to fell the murderous, marauding bastards was a shot through he presumed was the eye, a target approximate the size of a navel orange, or through the mouth, an open maw about the size of a peach. Luckily, the produce section had never been an issue for Tim. 

He’d been shooting and reloading for the better part of an hour after the damn portal opened up, doing his best to defend Ellstin Limehouse’s normally quiet enclave as best he could. It was the least he could do, even if he didn’t exactly trust the guy. Their interpersonal issues had nothing to do with the welfare of the innocents being set upon by these nightmare fuel monstrosities. 

Correction: “By comparison, my nightmares are a breeze.”

When the first creature fell without his intervention, Tim was startled enough to jerk back from the ledge and take his eyes off the scope, just in time to see the honest-to-God Captain America shield go flying past the end of his rifle, taking out a creature coming up on his flank that he’d missed before bouncing back to its owner with disturbing accuracy. 

“I am entirely too old for this shit,” Art grumbled as he rolled away from the edge to reload his rifle with all the annoyance and irritation of a deluge of Friday afternoon paperwork. 

“I will be goddamned,” Tim murmured reverently as his brain processed what was happening. Creatures began falling left, right, and center as a roaring overhead signaled the arrival of Iron Man while the roaring on the ground was the giant green menace known as the Hulk ripping through these things like they were made of tissue paper. But that wasn’t what held his interest. 

There, big as life and dressed in form-fitting purple and black kevlar, was the luscious not-so-little secret he’d been keeping since his detail in DC. What should have been a routine job a couple months ago turned into a three-night-stand for the duration of the operation, and then some flirty texts back and forth and more than the occasional round of phone sex in the time intervening. None of that could have prepared him for seeing Clint in action up close and personal. 

The armless black suit emphasized every unreasonably pretty inch of the man, from his ridiculous arms that wielded a bow as ably as he hefted his own rifle, shot after unerring shot bounding and leaping nimbly from cover to cover, down to the perfect cupcake ass that fit in his hands just so. Goddamn the man was so pretty he could be considered a potentially lethal distraction. 

“You gonna watch or are you gonna shoot?” Raylan demanded from his right as he stretched out on the ground with a rifle to join the party. The cowboy had been late to the party since he and Rachel had been left to man the office in Lexington, but once gunplay became the order of the day, Tim knew it was only a matter of time before the man in the infamous tan hat showed up. That he was able to convince Rachel, their normally by-the-book and most level-headed colleague, to come out on an alien invasion spoke to the man’s ability to charm the devil himself out of his seat in Hell. 

“Fuck you,” Tim snarled, but without any heat behind it as he took up his position again and began firing once more at the few remaining creatures on the ground below them. 

From start to finish was just under three hours of sustained fire, and when Tim finally rose to his feet to survey the area, the story was told in the sea of expended brass cartridges and rivers of green blood running through the streets of the valley below. Black trucks were rolling in from both sides of the holler with SHIELD logos on them, signaling the cleanup crew. 

“You know what time it is now, right?” Raylan asked with a devilish grin as he doffed his hat to shrug out of his ballistic vest. He’d stripped down to a form-fitting white t-shirt and looked more like he’d been called in from a day off than from a day at the office. 

“What’s that?” Art demanded as the guys helped him to his feet, brushing an annoyed hand over the wrinkles and streaks of dirt that his wife Leslie would likely fuss over later. After she yelled at him about going out on an alien invasion not two months out of a stint at the heart hospital. 

With a shiteating grin and the pop of a peppermint Altoid in his mouth, Raylan nodded toward the collection of superheroes at the edge of the fray, watching the cleanup proceedings begin and talking amongst themselves. “The interagency debrief, of course!” He was off before anyone had a chance to contradict him, leaving Tim, Rachel, and Art to chase after the cocksure cowboy. 

“Can’t get him to even look at paperwork any other time,” Rachel grumbled as they slowly approached the other group. 

“This ain’t paperwork,” Tim replied, though his eyes were on one thing and one thing only. 

Like they had a mind of their own, his feet carried him right up until he was close enough to tap Clint on the shoulder. “How do, stranger.”

The pure joy on the man’s face when he turned around did funny, fizzy things to his insides that he was loath to examine, and were dangerously close to giddy. The man smelled like sweat and looked like heaven, and fuck if all he wanted to do was run his hands over those arms that had held him up against a wall more than once. As it was, he was standing closer than was strictly necessary and well beyond the bounds of ‘just friends reuniting’. The desire to wrap his arms around the man was damn difficult to quell. 

“I wondered if I’d get to see you,” the archer replied with a shy smile and flushed cheeks. “I mean, I’d hoped,” he rambled on, “but then—” he gestured at the carnage behind him. 

For a moment, it was like the world had winnowed down to just the two of them. “I get it. I’m glad you’re here now, though.” 

“Me too.”

And then the moment was broken by the diminutive redhead standing next to them elbowing Clint in the ribs. “Who’s your friend, Barton?” She was equally clad in black, the kevlar skating over and highlighting every single curve and hollow, highlighting both the beauty and the danger that she embodied. 

Rolling his eyes, Clint took half a step back to face her more fully. “Nat, this is Tim Gutterson of the Marshals.” 

Her green eyes lit up as her lips curved into a mischievous smirk. “The hottie you told me about from a couple months ago in DC?” 

The blond’s eyes widened comically as his face shifted from flushed to pale to tomato red with alarming speed. “Real subtle, Nat.” 

If his face felt hot before, now it felt like the skin was melting off of him. The idea of Clint talking about him, to Black Widow of all people, combined with the adrenaline dump of the situation only added to the feeling of surreal dissociation. Feeling a bit cheeky, he grinned slyly as he looked Clint up and down. “Talking about me, Clint? My heart’s a-flutter with curiosity.” 

“Deputy Gutterson, you gonna introduce your friends?” Art’s voice was a bucket of cold water down his back as he suddenly remembered both his location and his audience. 

From Raylan’s grin, he knew he would never EVER live this down, no matter how many terrible situations the cowboy’s penchant for prohibited pussy landed them in, and Rachel? Well, she was the office master interrogator for a reason and he knew damn sure that he would be spilling everything he knew to her before they made it to the Lexington city limits. 

“Chief Deputy Art Mullen, this is Clint Barton of the Avengers and …” he trailed off, uncertain how to introduce the Black Frickin’ Widow. 

She stepped up and shook Art’s hand like a practiced politician. “Natasha Romanov. Lovely to meet you.” 

The older man smiled and, while Tim couldn’t swear to it, appeared to blush like a schoolboy. “Likewise.” 

Not to be outdone, Raylan smoothly inserted himself between them with his hand out and his 1000 megawatt gunslinger charm turned to ‘thermonuclear’. “Raylan Givens, Miss Romanov. Longtime admirer of your work.” 

She giggled. The assassin actually fucking giggled and her nose wrinkled. “You can call me Natasha.” 

Art watched this scene, the four of them talking amongst themselves, with apocalyptic levels of horror dawning on his face. The sheer amount of paperwork Raylan and Tim, hell Raylan by himself most days, generate was enough to fell a small forest. These folks together were an environmental crime waiting to happen. The potential bodycount of a Raylan and Romanoff team-up was nothing short of an imminent violation of the Geneva Convention. “Oh absolutely fucking not.” 

All four heads turned in his direction, Raylan’s mouth already open and ready to rock, but he was having none of the bullshit. 

“You,” Art pointed to the cowboy, “get in the car.” 

“Bu—”

“Nope,” he held up the finger of doom, the finger of ‘unpaid time off if he kept on,’ it 3was one they were all exceptionally familiar with. “Car. Now.” Turning to Tim, he softened a bit. “Say your goodbyes, we have paperwork.” 

Rather than argue, Tim merely nodded, cringing when he turned to face Clint. “Dad says I gotta go.” 

Clint’s smirk was nothing short of wicked and it was suddenly a billion degrees around Tim. “I’ll be around tonight if you wanna meet up.” 

“I’d like that just fine.” Anything else he wanted to say was cut off at a sound he rarely heard outside of the comforts of her mother’s house. A sound that stripped away the years and the edge to reveal a girl much more carefree. Deputy Marshal Rachel ‘I make suspects cry for funsies’ Brooks was standing off to the side and making googoo eyes at none other than the Brooklyn Boys. Captain Frickin America and the Winter Goddamn Soldier were flirting with his best friend and putting their numbers in her phone. 

“See what you did?” Art demanded from behind him as he leaned against the closed passenger door of the sedan that sealed Raylan inside.

“Me?” Tim demanded in affront. “How is this my fault?”

Art’s face was a mask of vaguely amused sarcasm. “You’re a bad influence.”

“Well, now that’s just hurtful. Besides,” he threw his rifle bag in the trunk before slinking into the back seat on the driver’s side and meeting his friend’s eyes in the rearview mirror, “I thought that was Raylan.” 

[victorluvsalice]

AU Thursday: Valicer Severance AU Time, Part II!

Welcome back -- I hope you're all rested and refreshed! Let's dive right into the second half of my Valicer Severance AU --

-->Eventually, after the Innies have all been there about a year, Victor decides that Smiler would be a much better Team Lead than him and politely asks Miss Glados about surrendering the position. Miss Glados has him submit a formal request to his Outie -- but the person who actually sees the request is Nell. Who is so annoyed by Innie!Victor daring to try and "demote" himself that she sends back a video blasting him and informing him that he is not a person and that he'll do what he's told until such time that they shut him off. Victor is very upset by this, as you might imagine --

So upset, in fact, that when he goes to leave for the day, he actually considers hanging himself in the elevator just to go out on his own terms (and stick it to both his Outie and the horrible woman supposedly speaking on his behalf). He gets as far as bringing a trash can into the elevator with him to use as a stool -- but before he can go any further, he spots a trio of blank Post-It notes Smiler stuck up on the wall earlier just to be silly in blue, yellow, and red. He takes them down, looks at them a moment -- and then bursts out crying as he realizes that he can't strand the people he loves on the severed floor without him --

-->And then he switches, and Outie!Victor is like "...why am I holding blank Post-It notes? Why is there a trash can in here with me?? Wait, was I crying???" He gets so distracted by this last question that he absently shoves the Post-Its in his pocket when he leaves...

-->Cue Caroline wondering if those Post-Its were some sort of attempt by the Innies at communicating with the outside world and heading to the Van Dort mansion to question Outie!Victor about them. He is like "they're just Post-It notes, I don't know why they were in there," so Caroline activates something called the "overtime contingency" --

And Innie!Victor suddenly finds himself in a strange new place (the study his Outie was practicing piano in) with "Miss Glados." He is naturally quite startled. XD Miss Glados grills him about the Post-Its as well, and he truthfully tells her that they weren't a secret message, just Smiler having some fun, and that they helped convince him that he didn't want to quit. He then realizes "wait a minute, am I at home?!" --

And Caroline quickly cuts off the overtime contingency, thanks Outie!Victor for his time, and flounces off. Outie!Victor is very confused by the whole thing, especially the realization that they can activate his Innie outside the severed floor --

-->And Innie!Victor is utterly rocked by that same revelation. He drags Alice, Smiler, and Wheatley into the storage closet the next day to tell them about what happened (and to apologize for being a mood the previous day and for possibly getting Smiler in trouble by telling Miss Glados where the Post-It notes came from). They are just as shocked as he is that there is technically a way for the Innies to go outside, but aren't sure how to use it to their advantage. Wheatley says he'll see what he can do later, and they go to work, a little wound up and wondering what's going to happen now --

-->And then Miss Glados sends them all home a half-hour early, as Aperture is hosting a gala this evening that she needs to prepare for (and that their Outies need to prepare for, as it's to celebrate a year of severed work and they're all going to be in attendance, but she doesn't mention that bit). After they're gone, Wheatley asks if he can attend the party, because after all he is a supervisor --

And Miss Glados not only tells him no, she rudely mocks him for being the stupidest core she's ever met, saying that his purpose should have been "intelligence dampening" and that his supervisor position means nothing. And then twists the knife by saying she plans to eat a whole PLATE of waffles at the party. A furious Wheatley says he doesn't care, he'll be doing Important Supervisor Things while he's down here -- like organizing the Post-It notes! Counting the pencils! Making sure the computers are all turned off --

And, the minute she rolls her eyes and leaves -- "Figuring out that overtime contingency!" [zooms off]

-->Cut to the gala, where the Outie versions of the trio are not exactly enjoying themselves -- Alice is stuck between two armed guards, watching her for escape attempts; Smiler is stuck with Miles Cedars, watching them for escape attempts; and Victor is stuck with his parents, who inform him that he's expected to give a speech on how awesome severance is to everyone. Victor, who is NOT a public speaker, flees to the bathroom to try and calm himself down, pausing just long enough to ask their driver, Mayhew, if he can get his sketchbook for him so he can look at the pictures to see if that will help --

-->And then. While Victor's splashing his face with cold water, Alice is wondering when she gets to go back to her nice quiet prison cell, and Smiler is debating whether they try to let anyone know what's going on with them (and coming to the conclusion no one at APERTURE would care, especially not with Dr. Kelman in the room with them), Wheatley manages to access the computer that controls the overtime contingency, "hacks" a few options that he doesn't need, then declares "Enjoy your vacation!" as he activates the OC -- and suddenly the INNIES are the ones at the party

-->Innie!Victor, naturally, is like "...why is my face wet?" He quickly realizes what's happening, though, and goes exploring -- only to nearly bolt in a panic when he discovers the incredibly busy party outside the bathroom door. Mayhew catches him first though, and hands over his sketchbook, and Innie!Victor is unable to resist the urge to look through his Outie self's artwork. Most of it is sketches of butterflies, along with a couple of sketches of Victoria and Emily (the last one unfinished :( ) -- but near the end, Victor finds a sketch of a meadow -- stretching out from behind a very familiar vending machine surrounded by pieces of paper ("!!! You do remember some things from being me!"). Unfortunately, his journey through his sketchbook is then cut short by him meeting William and Nell --

And realizing "that asshole on the label of the tuna fish sandwiches" and "that bitch who told me I wasn't a person" are his parents. He is not pleased by this, as you might guess -- and even less pleased to learn that William is planning on introducing severance for his own employees at his flagship fish canning plant. He's also "reminded" of his upcoming speech -- but before he can do anything about that, he spots a slideshow being set up with biographies for everyone to read on himself, Alice, and Smiler. He goes to read the information being projected on the big screen (saying "it'll probably help me with my speech") and learns his own tragic backstory first -- and then the slide flips to Alice and reveals that she's in prison for murder --

-->Cut to Innie!Alice, being like "I -- I was joking?! About that?!" Fortunately her guards are used to her acting weird, and take her shock over this (and her general sudden "holy shit this is a lot of people") in stride. Innie!Alice doesn't think her day can get any more bizarre after that --

-->And then the slide flips to Smiler, and cut to Innie!Smiler mentally going "KELMAN'S MY FATHER?!" They read the slide in stunned horror, unable to believe that they would willingly sign up for this --

And then reassess their situation -- namely, this weird nervously-smiling guy keeping a VERY close eye on them and telling them things like, "Just go ahead and ask for the haircut; Kelman will loosen the leash a little then, I promise!" and realizes that maybe their Outie didn't sign up willingly for this. D: They're not sure exactly what they can do about it, though --

-->And then Victor is called upon to make his speech. And after some badgering from Nell about how he has to make a good impression and how she won't tolerate him making an utter fool out of himself again, he strides up to the podium (still carrying his sketchbook in its shoulder bag that Mayhew also brought), calls his fellow severed employees up to the stage (who are allowed to go up, because they wouldn't cause a scene up THERE, would they?) --

And proceeds to tell the entire crowd that being a severed employee is HELL. Smiler and Alice are absolutely delighted to discover that they're all in Innie form and back him up as he talks about how horrific it is to be stuck at work constantly and how they're psychologically tortured and all of that. Nell attempts to get Victor to shut up, but he turns on her, calling her a bitch and letting her know that he is a person, damn it, causing her to realize that it's the Innie version of Victor that's currently in control --

-->And causing Caroline to realize that too and make a guess at what's happened. She tells the security team to get things under control as she sprints to the severed floor to shut down the overtime contingency --

-->But the Innies are not going down without a fight. Literally -- Alice nails one security guard in the crotch as he tries to take them down, and when Kelman comes for Smiler, they punch him and tell him, "You may have taken everything else from me, but you didn't get my fucking pronouns!" The guards eventually resort to activating the turrets in the ceiling (because of course this version of Aperture has that), and the Innie trio flees before they can be shot. There's a brief scramble through the halls as they search desperately for an exit (very annoyed to discover that they're still in the Aperture building as they do) --

-->And then they come across their elevator, guarded by Rick, and realize that Wheatley's still downstairs -- and they can't just leave him there. So they get Rick's security keycard off him, and Alice uses it to activate the elevator so they can get down and grab their friend (snapping it off inside the reader to buy themselves more time). However, as they head down, Smiler has a thought -- "Wait a minute -- the elevator is what turns our chips on and off normally, right? So what happens when we're already activa--"

-->Aaaand cue the elevator sensors overriding the overtime contingency, and the Outie versions of Victor, Alice, and Smiler suddenly finding themselves crammed into an elevator together. As you might imagine, they are very confused. XD Victor, due to his experience with the overtime contingency the previous night, is the first one to realize that the Innies might have been activated at the party, which deeply annoys Alice and Smiler -- mostly because they believe their Innies are cheery corporate drones who live to work. They all assume that the Innies just tried to go back to the office when they were activated, and realize that this is a great opportunity for them to actually see where they work...

-->And cue the Outies discovering the severed floor and all its weirdness! After being confused by their office ("why is it so big if all the cubicles are in the middle of the floor?") and what it is they do for a living (Smiler: "...we sort numbers based on vibes?" Alice: "Maybe they told us the work was mysterious and important."), they check out the kitchenette --

And cue Victor seeing the vending machine and being "!!!" He shows Alice and Smiler the picture he drew of it and the meadow, and says that he just thought his art was getting more surreal as a weird side effect of the chip, flipping to the next page to show them another example --

Cue Alice going "Cheshire?!" as she sees his rendition of her version of the Cheshire Cat (which, naturally, Innie!Alice told Innie!Victor about). And then the next page is Victor's take on Smiler's swirly-eyed smiley face, which he says just -- makes him feel better when he looks at it for unknown reasons. Smiler goes "I guess we're friends down here?" which both Alice and Victor admit they did not expect --

-->And then they hear a noise, and realize that if they're caught down here, they might be in trouble. They quickly try to find somewhere to hide, and after an abortive attempt to go into the Break Room (which ends with all of them frozen in nameless terror outside it -- and holding hands, which really throws them), they find their way into the surprisingly-empty security office. After noting that it looks like Aperture likes to just make people THINK they're being watched constantly, they start poking around out of curiosity --

And find various "incident" videos. Specifically, Innie!Alice trying to break out with the fire extinguisher; Innie!Victor threatening his fingers with the paper cutter (and revealing in the process he has no idea what his own last name is); and Innie!Smiler ripping the cubicle wall. Cue the trio realizing in horror that their Innies aren't drones, they're prisoners (with Victor in particular being extra horrified because he's the one who had the most choice in the matter about doing this to himself). It's generally agreed that they cannot keep working here, but they also don't know what to do about their Innies --

-->And then Rick the security core finds them and zooms off to sound the alarm. Smiler hastily downloads a bunch of videos onto a USB stick (as proof the Innies are being tortured), and they start looking for a way out, which brings them into the Johnson Memorial Wing. (Alice: [upon seeing the giant head] Are we in a cult?? Smiler: I'm not ruling out the possibility.) They start looking around, trying to find at least a spot to hide --

-->And then a glowing green rectangular portal appears on a nearby wall -- and out pops one Chell! Who is as surprised to see them as they are to see her, frankly. Before either side can figure out what's going on, though, someone comes stomping into the wing -- Caroline, carrying Wheatley and making various threats against his person while he needles her right back with lame insults. She is naturally very surprised to see the trio there, and starts talking to them like they're the Innies --

And then Victor calls her "Ms. McLain??" and she realizes the OUTIES are in control and have probably seen too much. And holy shit, is that CHELL?! Wheatley is like "you know this weird lady?" which makes Chell realize that he's forgotten her --

-->And inspires Caroline to try mind-wiping the trio and Chell, because that IS one of the options built into the programming of the severance chip. There is a moment of horror as she tells the computer systems to activate the "Clean Slate" feature of the chips --

And then the announcer cheerfully informs her that her request cannot be completed because everything is filled with garbage code. Wheatley crows that he "hacked it all" and follows up with "how do you like them waffles?!" Causing Caroline to get so mad --

-->She attempts to smash him on the floor. Which, as you might imagine, infuriates Chell. She scoops up her friend (now babbling with a cracked optic) and books it through the green portal nearby, indicating for the Outie trio to follow her --

And it's at this point you may be going, "what do you mean, green portal? The portals in the Portal series are orange and blue, at least in the single-player campaign." And that's true -- but Chell's not using her own portal gun; she had to leave that behind during her escape (threw it at a pursuer, in fact). Instead, Chell is using the portal gun from the one Portal fangame I've played -- Portal Reloaded. Which has a three-portal device, including a green portal --

That sends you through time. Twenty years ahead, specifically. Chell thus leads everyone into a wrecked version of the Memorial Wing that happens to have a hole open to the sky in its ceiling, with a good view of the moon. And when Caroline attempts to grab Wheatley away from Chell, going on about how she's going to make sure that she's put back on the testing track no matter what, Chell shoots one orange portal at the ground --

-->And one blue portal at the Moon. Cue a portal opening up into fucking space, and the Outie trio having to hold on for dear life as everything starts getting sucked through -- including Caroline, still hanging onto Wheatley (who, naturally, is pretty terrified). She begs Chell to pull her back through --

And Chell answers her pleas with a boot to the face. Cue Caroline sailing off into low moon orbit, and Chell dragging Wheatley back through before closing the Moon portal. Everyone is naturally a little, uh, stunned by all this --

-->But there's no time to sit and process, as the alarms are starting to go off in the present Aperture facility through the time portal! Chell quickly uses some regular portals to climb the sides of the walls, then provide a path up top for the Outies, where they find a random portal-able wall section just -- lying on the ground. Chell uses a time portal on this to bring everyone back to the present --

-->Where they find the wall chunk being watched over by a mystery woman with curly brown hair, who is like "Chell, what happened -- wait, is that Victor Van Dort, Alice Liddell, AND Mamaduke Kelman?!" Before any explanations can start, though, a short teenage boy in a leather jacket and fedora comes tearing around the corner, chased by a bunch of Aperture security guards --

-->And cue chase sequence #2, as the Outies find themselves running with these weirdos in a desperate attempt not to be recaptured and maybe have their memories wiped. An attempt that is briefly put off-track by Wheatley, recovering from his shock/smashing and actually getting kind of excited about being able to talk to the "other" versions of his friends/employees, doing this:

Wheatley: It's so cool to be able to meet you! We always wondered what you were like! Hey, do you guys like yellow, red, and blue too? Do you not trust pudding either? Alice: I don't think this is the correct time to be having this conversation-- Wheatley: Do you guys kiss as much up here as you do downstairs? Alice: [spins around so fast she falls over and lands on her butt] Smiler: [also whirls around, just barely managing to keep their feet] Victor: [whips his head around in shock and promptly runs headlong into a tree]

Yeah, uh, that's a surprise to the Outies. XD But again, no time to process, as not long after that a big white van pulls up and the back pops open, with a man with a shock of white hair and a redheaded woman with a ponytail urging them to "get in!" The woman, teen, and Chell all clamber in immediately, but the Outies pause for a moment, considering the fact that they'll be getting into a weird van with complete strangers --

And then considering the fact that their other option is continuing to work for Aperture and either knowing their Innies are in trouble or having their brains wiped and getting into the van. XD One security guard (Human Rick, in fact) manages to catch up to them as they're getting in, but Alice slugs him and announces "We QUIT" before slamming the back doors and telling the driver to hit the gas.

-->And so the great escape from Aperture is a success! The Outie trio take a moment to catch their breaths (and find themselves holding hands again, which -- makes slightly more sense in light of the "kissing" thing Wheatley mentioned), and the residents of the van introduce themselves -- in addition to Chell, we have Clara Clayton (the woman from before), her husband Dr. Emmett "Doc" Brown (the guy with the white hair), his assistant/best friend Marty McFly (the teenager in the jacket), his girlfriend Jennifer Parker (in the driver's seat), and Ellen "El" Brinkman, former Aperture Test Subject 4509 (the redhead). Their whole deal is that they're an Anti-Aperture group, with Doc being a former scientist working for them (in fact, he helped create the three-portal device's Time Portal tech) until he discovered just how unethical they were and left. He's teamed up with his old colleague and fellow escapee Doug Rattmann to help take the company down. Chell found them while trying to figure out how to deactivate her severance chip, and they were at the party for two reasons: one, to help Chell rescue Wheatley; and two, to see if they could somehow get Alice away from the police and convince her to let them take her and work on reintegrating her (figuring she'd be the safest one to take and the easiest one to convince, given she's in JAIL and all). Alice is like "well, now you have all three of us, and I think we're all agreed that we don't want to be severed anymore" (Victor and Smiler: [LOTS of nodding]). Marty also recorded Victor's speech and shares it with them when requested -- Victor is horrified that his Innie self called his mother a bitch, while Smiler is thrilled their Innie self punched Kelman. XD

-->With that sorted, Clara and El take Wheatley to go through his internal systems and wipe anything that Aperture can use to track him, while Doc explains to the Outie trio that they'll be doing a similar procedure with their severance chips -- but, since they only expected to have ONE severed employee, they will have to do it one at a time. The Outie trio discuss what they'd like to ask each Innie self as the machine is set up --

And then El finds a video file marked "First Date" in Wheatley's systems and asks "the fuck?" -- and it's revealed that, rather than just deleting the footage of the "picnic," Wheatley saved a copy because "come on, it's cute!" He shares it with them at their request, and the Outie trio find themselves weirdly touched by the whole thing (even as they find it hard to parse kissing these strangers next to them). El ALSO finds some files in Wheatley's memory banks that weren't properly deleted, just hidden, and restores them at Wheatley's go-ahead -- and it turns out that they're his memories of Chell! He is absolutely thrilled that she came back for him, and they have a lovely reunion. :) Made a little more amusing by Chell showing off that she's partially-reintegrated and able to switch between her Innie and Outie at will, moving to Outie mode so she can verbally apologize for not catching him and causing Wheatley to go "?!" over the fact she actually CAN talk. XD

-->And then it's time for all of the Valicer Innies to get activated individually! Victor goes first ("team lead and all"), then Alice, then Smiler. The Innies are naturally very confused as to what's happening, and also rather suspicious of the other two's Outie selves, as they only know that their own Outie situations are bullshit. Fortunately all the Outies are able to convince all the Innies that they're allies, and promise them once they're in a safer place, off the road, they'll make sure that they're all activated together so they can be sure they're all safe.

-->And indeed, after the van awakenings, the next time the Innies are activated, they all wake up together in a hotel room where they're staying with the Anti-Aperture group. They have a big hug-and-kiss session, then remeet Marty and the others -- Marty assures them they're safe, then shows them a video the Outies recorded, where they apologize again for not realizing the situation the Innies are in, and insist they want to make things right, saying that they're willing to give the Innies at least the eight hours a day they would have gotten normally at work while they work on the reintegration thing and asking them what they want to do now that they're out. The Innies are mainly like "we want to know what a shower is like" and "I want to eat anything that's not a tuna fish sandwich" --

And then, partway through, Wheatley asks why there's cloth on the walls, and Chell says they're curtains -- leading the Innies to realize holy fuck, they're in an above-ground room with actual windows. And, even more importantly, a door. They ask if they can go outside, and the others say yeah, with Marty warning them "it's just a parking lot, nothing special." The trio don't care and head out --

And cue them all crying as they see the night sky for the first time and realize that they are indeed out. :)

-->And THAT is where the AU currently peters off a bit -- which I'm sure you're all thrilled by, because holy hell I don't think it's ever taken me this long to sum up an AU. XD But I do have a few ideas of where it goes from there, namely --

A) The Outies give the Innies a "sleepover" of sorts while on the road -- basically a pizza party (with all their favorite pizzas) followed by being allowed to sleep for the first time. The latter experience is somewhat marred by the Innies having nightmares, but gets better once they all curl up together in the same bed

B) Relatedly, once they get to Doug's isolated cabin, the Innies get a proper picnic in the woods nearby, to their delight

C) There's a scene where Smiler and Alice are playing ping-pong at the cabin, bantering over Alice kicking Smiler's ass while Victor watches, amused; Marty shows up and goes, "Hey, I didn't know you guys were awake yet, I thought we were switching you over later" --

Cue puzzled staring, and Marty realizing, "You're still the OUTIES, uh, I have something to do over here." XD Alice immediately goes "probably says a lot about us that seeing us happy makes people think we're the Innies, huh."

D) Of course the Outies also get together in the end -- once they've actually gotten to know each other and recover some from their various traumas, of course. But there's a moment during their time in the cabin where Outie!Alice goes "you know what, my Innie has the right idea" and locks lips with a surprised Victor, who then kisses Smiler, and -- yeah, eventually a video revealing they're together too now is recorded for the Innies, who are thrilled for their Outies (and glad that they can stop feeling awkward about the fact that THEY'RE in a relationship when their Outies were not, despite the Outies saying "it's fine, you can keep kissing, just -- no sex, okay? That has the potential for more permanent consequences")

E) The Outie trio eventually decides that they don't want to pursue full reintegration because, well, they've gotten to know their Innies through video messages back and forth (and probably at least a few instances of only one or two Innies being awake at a time), and at this point, trying to become one singular personality again feels a bit like killing the Innies. They instead settle, like Chell, for getting to the stage where they can switch at will (without needing outside help), have at least some access to both sets of memories, and whoever isn't running the body retains some awareness of what's happening

F) I feel like going back to Aperture and reawakening the original GLaDOS has to happen at some point, in an attempt to maybe get her help in making sure the place gets shut down permanently and getting out any remaining severed employees. GLaDOS is a lot more keen on just gassing the place, but while trying to convince her not to do that (and not kill them as well), Wheatley, trying to hack something, accidentally sets off the self-destruct for the facility. And GLaDOS is like "you know what, that works for me -- I'll mess with the timer to make sure I have enough time to upload myself to a separate location, and you've got however long that takes to get anyone you want out, out." So there's a mad scramble to rescue any remaining severed employees, and at the end, once they're all out, the building just goes BLOOIE -- explaining why it's an abandoned wreck twenty years in the future!

And THAT is, finally, that. *whew* Thanks for sticking with me through all of that! I genuinely had no idea that putting all my ideas together regarding this AU would lead to such long posts. Hopefully you found them enjoyable, at least! Feel free to ask me questions because even after all this, I still had to cut stuff and would NOT mind talking about it!

[staysaneathome]

Yeah, no, the idea of Annabelle Cane showing up in Across the Spiderverse as the herald of the Fears, taking advantage of a prime spider-themed opportunity to ensnare multiple realities hasn’t gone away.

It’s grown.

I have a dire need for fics where Annabelle Cane shows up in your fandom and Makes Everything Worse (or doesn’t! Maybe she gets foiled! Or kept out! Or contained! Or maybe everything is already so bad she takes one look at it and immediately Nopes into the next universe!)

[teecupangel]

Was thinking of Desmond angst and was reminded of a DC character nabbed Cassandra Cain whose father raised her since birth to be only an assassin to the point where she doesn't understand any spoken or written languages but can read body languages to such a degree that she pretty much can't be lied to or beaten in a fight because she knows what you're going to do before you do it and I was thinking Bill would try that if he were an even worse father

You know what would be so fucked up?

If we add in more of Cassandra’s storyline into Desmond. Make his birth be more of a business transaction between Bill and his mother.

We can change the whole ‘father kills mother’s sister because the sister was limiting her potential’ into being an Abstergo kill instead and Bill rescuing her before she dies as well, leaving some ambiguity that Bill waited until the sister is killed. (He didn’t, he tried to rescue them as soon as possible but she will never believe that)

By recreating that part of Cassandra’s storyline, we can give Desmond a much more isolated childhood than the original. No more mother who tried to find him when he ran away because this version of his mother left the moment she could leave after giving birth to him.

Also… in this setup, I think it would be better if the ‘Farm’ is not a community but an actual farm where only he and Bill lives. This further isolates Desmond and the other people in the canon Farm (which we know nothing about other than the fact that the ones who tried to save Desmond in AC1 are implied to be from the Farm so we at least know that they care for Desmond). 

With this, Desmond would be completely isolated, left only with Bill to raise and train him.

He’s trained to be the ultimate Assassin to ‘compensate’ for his lack of the Eagle Vision. 16 years of training made him develop the foundation of his skills and techniques and that’s when Bill knows he has nothing else to ‘teach’ Desmond. 

And so he begins to give Desmond missions.

Easy ones first.

Infiltration to sabotage or intel retrieval.

Then…

When Desmond was 18…

He assassinated a Templar in cold blood.

He felt nothing.

He had been told of the Templar’s high standing in Abstergo. Of which inhumane projects he had supervised. What profits he received from the suffering of the innocents. 

He had been raised to feel no remorse or pity for any Templar.

So he left and returned to ‘Father’ for his next mission.

Soon enough, he became known as the White Ghost. A ghost of the Assassins of old, dragged back from its rest by the many deaths of the Great Purge.

He didn’t talk to anyone, always having Bill as his ‘support’.

He only went outside when he was ordered to. Otherwise, he stayed in one of the many safehouses the Brotherhood had, memorizing floor plans and anything that might help him in his next mission.

Until…

Bill received an SOS signal from Lucy Stillman, requesting immediate retrieval for both her and Clay Kaczmarek.

Bill sends Desmond because this was a matter of most importance. Clay and Lucy would have information vital to the Templars’ plan concerning the Animus.

But when Desmond got there.

He knew immediately that Lucy Stillman was hiding something. Her body movements gave her away. Her concern for Kaczmarek’s life was genuine.

But her fear…

… was not.

.

.

That’s as far as I got.

The next setup would be that Desmond’s ‘skills’ immediately clocked that it was ambush and managed to get Clay and Lucy out. Lucy’s betrayal is outed by both Desmond and sorta-unstable-sorta-stable-flip-of-the-coin Clay. Clay’s the one who tells them they planned to kidnap Desmond because he was the descendant of Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad.

Since his ‘mother’ was out doing whatever she wanted for the Brotherhood, Bill orders Desmond to relive Altaïr’s memories and that’s when Desmond becomes more fucked up.

Because Altaïr feels so much. He feels too much for someone like Desmond.

So everyone thinks Desmond is suffering from the Bleeding Effect too quickly to be normal but that’s not it.

Desmond just…

He’s beginning to become human.

[themynock]

@piratespencil DESPERATE to know about the dak/tryst fic you are referring to in the tags of that other post?? I am so intrigued by how any of this is possible

[tanglepelt]

Dp x dc idea/headcannon??? I don’t know.

Jason wasn’t dunked just in any gross ectoplasma. But the river of revulsion. Just spicing it up a little.

[acorrespondence]

☔ !!

☔ Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

Oh there absolute is and I was really hoping I’d get this one, thank you for sending it! The working title for this fic is “Six Places Wynn Duffy Might Be (But Probably Isn’t)” and it’s probably the most insane and cracky fic idea I’ve ever had—kind of inspired by Timothy Olyphant’s character in The Office—but I really really love it. It’s multimedia, and the basic premise is that Rachel sends Raylan a file with six different leads in it, all of them documenting the possible location and assumed identity of Wynn Duffy. Each lead is a crossover with a different other TV show. The first item is a transcript from Troy and Abed in the Morning, discussing whether or not the new security systems professor and women’s tennis coach at Greendale is actually some kind of disgraced/retired crime lord, based on the evidence that he made several strange comments: one a reference to the job not being exactly what he wants but “at least no one’s throwing bullets at me.”

The second is a town meeting transcript from Pawnee, Indiana discussing the presence of a new food truck run out of an RV called Win-a-Bagel, with some citizens concerned that it’s a scam and/or money-laundering scheme, while other residents argue that it’s not worth looking into and possibly jeopardizing their opportunity to win free bagels. The one after that is a transcript from a documentary about a paper company called Dunder Mifflin currently in production in Scranton, Pennsylvania; specifically, interviews with/about a new hire named Larry Mawkins, who according to his own reports was previously a very unpopular motivational speaker/life coach, until one day the lone member of his audience killed himself in the middle of the seminar. One colleague in particular, Dwight Schrute, has become convinced that it’s impossible for anyone to be that much of a general bore and total failure at life unless it was intentional to make people underestimate and dismiss him, leading to the theory that he’s on the run from either the cops or the mob. Their other colleagues weigh in on the realism and likelihood of this theory. However, Larry Mawkins has since disappeared without warning, having stopped showing up to work the day after a new hire named Danny Cordray joined the staff.

The next two were a lot more vague and sketchy and I was having trouble trying to find shows that Duffy-in-disguise would fit into. The one I got the farthest with would have been a newspaper article from Santa Barbara where Shawn Spencer claims that all of the houses in a recent string of “unconnected” robberies were in fact installed by the same man, despite all being from different companies. When police looked into it, they realized that none of the companies had been made aware of these installations. However, all the names used with the clients were fake names, so there was no way to track down the culprit, and the rash of robberies ended, leaving the case cold. After that, I had a couple ideas that I couldn’t figure out how to fit into the structure: either a loan shark or a rival banana stand owner (who possibly also sold drugs) in Arrested Development was one, and Darryl from Crazy Ex Girlfriend’s new boyfriend, whom everyone agrees is sketchy and probably a criminal, was another.

And then, of course, number six: an extreme (and therefore extremely blurry) zoom on the background of an image posted to Instagram, centered on someone who could possibly be Wynn Duffy, actually on a beach somewhere in Fiji—and lying in the sand next to him is a guy who looks suspiciously like Neal Caffrey ;)

(Ask Game here)

[soontobecyborg]

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

how crazy do you think the AO3 authours notes are in gotham?

"Joker killed my grandma with a reindeer whilst playing 'grandma got run over by a reindeer' and i don't think i can continue to write this JokerBat fic anymore guys sorry :/ it just feels disrespectful."

“Look, I get if Batman/Clark Kent isn’t your cup of tea, but the guy writes more about Batman than anyone else outside of Gotham. There’s got to be a reason, is all I’m saying.”

“And here I am, jumping on the Batman/Bruce Wayne train like the rest of our beloved hellhole. Anyway, if you’re not from Gotham you can keep your criticisms to yourself or I will not be held responsible for the bloodshed that will occur should you insult our beloved sunshine child and his goth sugar baby. You don’t know them like we do.”

“Hey, sorry I haven’t updated in awhile. I died and then got caught up in this whole my-father-didn’t-avenge-me angst thing. Which was completely justified in my opinion. Anyway…”

“Let’s be honest, this entire series is dedicated to the fact that Red Hood could crush any of us with his thighs and we’d say thank you.”

“I just read a fic shipping Nightwing/Superman and I mean, come on. The author is clearly not from Gotham but I can never unsee that and I think I should be entitled to financial compensation.”

“Sorry it’s been awhile, I just got a new job! With the Best Boss™️ (if you know, you know). Also, my boss said he’d give a hundred bucks if I wrote a Batman bashing fic? Thoughts? Ngl I don’t think it’d even be that hard.”

“‘WHy aRE yoU WriTIng ABouT FakE SupERheROes WHen THe rEAl oNEs aRE riGHt tHEre?’ Uh, because it’s Gotham and they’re all a disaster? And also because I don’t want to be haunted by the venegeful spirits of robins past idk. Thinking of doing a crossover though. Batman in the Avengers? Thoughts?”

“I just want my husband Nightwing to be happy, is that too much to ask?”

“I came across Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy on my way home from school today and will now be hyperfixating on that ship, thanks.”

“Leave me and my 235k word fic of Prince!Bruce/Knight!Batman alone you Metropolis and Superman-loving traitors. This is not for you.”

[benbamboozled]

Tbh I wish script fics were more of a thing—IMO, some canons can really only be captured in a script. Narrative prose just doesn’t have the same vibe.

🤔 if someone were to format their ao3 comics fanfic like a comics script*, would you be interested in reading it?

*with the expectation that no poor artist would be saddled with an overbearing writer, the script writer would feel free to micromanage and put in more information than they would if they were working equally with a partner. they wouldn't HAVE to... but they could.

[marinettesaltprompts]

The Maribat deconstruction got me thinking: am I the only one who thinks Adribat is a more....plausible (??is that the word) concept than Maribat? Like, not even in a romantic sense but a familial platonic sense.

Think about it, he's :

got the tragic backstory & suffered from neglect

canonically been abused waaaaay beyond school bullies

taken for granted by adults (primarily his dad & Master Fu) and by his peers (LB)

dealing with the existential crisis of not being human if we go the sentimonster route.

Look, I get that trauma & suffering should NEVER be a competition but when you think abt it, Adrien's suffered just as much, if not more so than Mari ever did even with Chloe & Lila in the picture. You could argue that some of what she suffers in salt fics (isolation, no support system, emotional suppression, harassment) are ALSO things Adrien goes through bcz while he's a superhero like her, UNlike her, his home life sucks.

So if there's either hero the Bat Fam would empathize with more, it's him. Yes, they can hold him accountable for screw ups but if we go the Good Parent!Bruce route, he can give Adrien the physical & nuanced emotional training he needs to spot red flags & deal with them beyond passivity. The training is harsh but at least he doesn't play favourites, giving Adrien no excuse to slack off & proper motivation to mature. Plus, in the Bat Fam, everyone has clear roles & secrets aside, nobody strings anyone along, offering him a reliable structure to fall back on.

He doesn't come into the Bat Fam expecting to be in charge. Instead, the nitty-grittiness would push him to be more independent & decisive instead of impulsive.

If LB tries to call him out, he could point out how for all she claims to be the 'responsible professional hero', she REacted instead of acted & if real IDs are thrown in the mix, he can call out how she just went with the 'woe is me' route, resenting that everyone didn't jump on her call for a witch hunt when she could've communicated to them privately.

Sorry, this turned out longer & less explicitly mari salt-centric than I thought but I tried to stay objective. I hope you don't mind.

Technically everyone would have their own opinion about whether a Miraculous/Batman crossover could actually work. In my opinion however, I believe that the best bet for a good crossover would be through Adrien more than Marinette, in part because of the reasoning you gave, but also because Adrien would fit the idea of a Batfamily member more thematically than Ladybug ever could. If anything, he's like Catwoman but without the whole stealing bit.

Keep in mind that the whole Maribat AU was created with the goal of creating a salt fic (albiet with a crossover), and the OG creator even took a character that was no way romantical and turned him OOC to make their convoluted idea work, ironically in a method reminding me of the "My Immortal" Harry Potter fanfic. Regardless how it later developed, the original idea was pure salt, albiet one that took off because of everyone's hate boner for any character that wasn't Marinette, with people later trying to justify it for one reason or another. It's an idea that should have never worked in the first place outside of this context. In contrast though, Adribat would actually work because of a genuine commonality connection.

Also I don't mind talking about Adrien on this blog. In my mind, Marinette salt and Adrien sugar are the one and the same on this blog, because the salt of one character is usally sugar of the other due to how these prompts go.

Hell, my entire blog was made in opposition to the more well know Adrien Salt Blog made by another individual, which has both plenty of Adrien salt and LOTS of Marinette sugar, though I would call the latter justification for Marinette's own bad behavior as it never discusses her own issues, it just let's her go off scott free by pinning the blame all on Adrien.

In any case, I like your idea! If you or anyone else want's to share any Adribat prompts that you got, feel free to send them here!

[catofadifferentcolor]

Terrible Fic Idea #87: Percy Jackson, but make it MCU

Look, I didn't want to come up with yet another crazy PJO crossover, but here I am. Because instead of just coming up with the lightest, fluffiest, gayest PJO romance possible - which is what I wanted - I had to turn it into an MCU identity reveal fic too.

Or: What if post-ToA Percy Jackson was Peter Parker's caseworker following Aunt May's untimely death?

Just imagine it:

Tony Stark first meets Percy Jackson in the ICU of Metropolitan General the day after Peter and his aunt are caught in a terrible subway accident. May dies on scene. Even with his advanced healing, Peter is badly injured and taken to the nearest hospital - where it quickly becomes apparent he's Enhanced. It takes about 24 hours for the news to make its way to Tony, who immediately storms the hospital with the intention of taking Peter back to his Tower to heal-

-only to be told Peter's not going anywhere by the social worker assigned to the case.

This is remarkable for many reasons, not the least because the social worker is an unassuming, overworked 27-year-old wearing Finding Nemo socks and a faded Save the Oceans t-shirt. That the case worker - Percy Jackson - stands his ground in the face of Iron Man's wrath is even more remarkable, but Tony is forced to admit the kid has a point: he can't just let someone without any obvious connection to a minor walk off with said minor, particularly when that minor is Enhanced.

It takes Tony a couple days to get his ducks in a row, proving that he is not only able and willing to take in Peter, but is the one his aunt wanted to take care of him in the event something happened to her. During that time he has JARVIS research everything he can on Percy (lives in a Central Park penthouse owned by his long-time boyfriend, a successful music producer; volunteers for a NPO started by his best friend dedicated to restoring the wild; brief stint as the youngest ever on the FBI's most wanted, etc), but finds nothing to suggest he's anything other than a social worker trying to do what's best for his charges.

Percy becomes a semi-regular fixture at the Tower. At first it's just business, checking in on how Peter is doing and facilitating the foster care/adoption paperwork. Later it becomes something akin to friendship, with Percy being utterly unimpressed by Tony's fame but remarkably charmed by his inventions and philanthropic efforts. (He also comes to have strong feelings about the Rogues and their actions during the Civil War once he learns of them, helping Tony to see their betrayal for what it is. This alone makes him one of Rhodey and Pepper's favorite people.)

This goes on for quite some time - though I see this as happening post-CACW, we don't jump straight into the Infinity War, with there being several years wherein the Accords are ratified, the Rogues found and tried for their actions in the Civil War, and for the most part allowed to return to the Avengers on a probationary basis - until Thor finally arrives with news of Thanos' impending arrival.

Only Percy happens to be visiting when Thor arrives and the Avengers naturally have questions after Thor addresses him as Prince Perseus.

The truth of Percy's identity comes out in fits and starts (demigod son of Poseidon, saved the world a couple times, ascended to become God of Heroes, Natural Disasters, and Poison as well as Patron God of New York City; has been dating Apollo since he was fourteen; yes, is actually a social worker, albeit one who takes cases across the country to protect demigods and Enhanced), which is not helped by Thor (who can't help but comment on what he knows of Percy's heroics) or Apollo (who shows up after Percy texts an SOS but can't help but talk up his boyfriend either.)

The Infinity War still happens, albeit rather differently than in canon - perhaps Thanos turns out to be a disgruntled child or sibling of Gaia out for revenge, justifying Greek/Roman interference? But the details don't really matter as much as the identity reveal.

And... that's really all I have with regards to plot. But there should be a lot of character moments leading up to the reveal that hint at who Percy really is but which don't form a coherent narrative until the truth is revealed.

Bonuses include:

The softest, fluffiest romance possible for Apollo and Percy, with the pair more or less falling head over heels at first sight at the start of TTC, having their first kiss at the party at the end of the book, and dating throughout the rest of the Titan War. Apollo goes absolutely batshit insane when Percy goes missing at the start of HOO and breaks out of Olympus to crash the Senate meeting at the end of SoN and check on his boyfriend, and eventually gets made mortal for helping too much during the Giant War. The broad strokes of ToA occur with Percy fighting at his now-mortal boyfriend's side, and Percy ascends to godhood when Apollo regains his. There's some tension (Zeus is not happy about his firstborn son's choice of lover, fearing overthrow; Poseidon fears Apollo will end up breaking Percy's heart, but softens after Percy ascends and his chance of becoming a flower diminishes; many CHB campers think Percy's mad for dating a god, etc) but for the most part it should be as fluffy as circumstances allow.

Percy having been really obvious about his background, but in ways that seem reasonable ("How did you meet your boyfriend?" "I was at a really bad party when a friend ended up calling her brother to pick us up early. I fell in love with his car and then with him.") or like jokes ("Those sea turtles really seem to like you." "I like them too." "I guess they're kind of cute." "Excellent conversationalists too.") until the full truth comes out; and

Thor attempting to make up for blowing Percy's cover in dramatic (and hilarious) ways. This should include the gift of at least one native Asgardian water plant ("Dude, have you never heard of invasive species?") and end in a bakery's worth of Asgardian baked goods.

And that's all I have, though given the way this has been living rent-free in my head all week there may be more. As always feel free to adopt this bun, just link back if you do anything with it.

More PJO Ideas | More Terrible Fic Ideas

[edwinspaynes]

Okay, I gotta do this for my own sanity because it's word vomit time. Song of Achilles rant. 0/5 stars to this one.

Okay. I am not a fan of war stories or of tragedies. This was both of those things. So I will admit that this was perhaps not my genre. THAT BEING SAID, I can usually point to a tragedy or a war story and go "that was objectively good/well-done, but not my thing." This was neither good nor well-done.

The main appeal of this book - its 'heart,' if you will - seems to be the ""love story"" between Patroclus and Achilles. Unfortunately, I'm leaving the book with 0 understanding of what they like about each other. Achilles was lowkey an enormously terrible person. Patroclus KNOWS THIS. He just is an idiot who continuously gives him the benefit of the doubt over and over again. Achilles sends girls off to be raped. He kills an enemy and drags his corpse around for ??? reasons besides he can. Patroclus is sitting there just going "O! His blond cascading waves! Wow!! He is everything to me my SOUL ahhh." Their emotional connection is deeply shallow in how it's written.

ANYWAY fine. Whatever. The narrative also deeply hates women. The only important female characters are a) Achilles's goddess mom who's continuously villified, and b) a slave girl (the only character I actually liked, RIP) who randomly dies at the end for no reason other than shock value. Women are sent off to be raped continuously; the narrative justifies this. I understand that in times of war back in this time period this actually happened, but I am baffled by the author's seemingly constant attempts to portray this POSITIVELY. Achilles himself is just like 'yeah, this girl's a bartering chip!" and Patroclus, while he's not cool with it and does go save the girl, totally rationalizes this and the author clearly thinks it's justified !!????

No.

And let's talk about that shitty ass pacing. Nothing happens!!! For half the book!!! And then they all go to war and the ONLY reason Patroclus is there is because he wants to follow Achilles. Because they share a 'so devoted the lines blur' Bond apparently, like Will/Jem or Charles/Edwin. News flash. They will NEVER HAVE A BOND ABOVE BONDS LIKE WILL/JEM OR CHARLES/EDWIN.

Anyway!!! Whenever Patroclus talks about Achilles, it's just like oH My gOd hE'S bEaUtIfUl. Okay bro!!! We get it!! Y'all have to have sex ALL THE TIME because this is Madeline Miller's shitty yaoi fanfic of Greek Myths!!! Greek myths are deeply gay which is great, but NOT LIKE THIS! It's giving a middle schooler who just finished Junjo Romantica and Percy Jackson and decided to write a crossover fic. And, yes, the prose is that bad. It's so fucking simplistic. I cannot even.

I hated this book. I hated this book painfully. And I cannot believe that I accidentally gave one of my favourite of my own fanfics a title from it. I like, want to go change the title. I just used it because I liked the quote. AUGH.

Would give this negative stars if I could. I do not think I've disliked a book this much since Queen of Air and Darkness, and at least Qoaad had, like, some funny moments and didn't hate women.

[banrionceallach]

I used to write a moderately popular HP/Good Omens crossover. I started it before JKR made transphobia her entire personality.

I decided to stop writing it in 2021 when I could no longer justify engaging with HP in any way, because making any kind of content for it, even transformative content, contributed to JKR's money pile, even just indirectly.

I left the fic up, because people had got enjoyment out of it and I was proud of the effort that went into creating it, but I left a note on the fic explaining exactly why I personally could no longer engage with HP, even though I had fun writing the fic and really missed doing so.

Most people who read the fic either weren't that invested in it and so moved on with a shrug, or were invested but understood that HP was, to quote a tumblr post 'just covered in the fucking ooze'.

But every now and then I get well-meant comments along the lines of: I want more of this fic, please continue it, it's not harming trans people to continue engaging with HP, you can solve the problem just by adding trans representation to your fic! You can engage with HP all you like as long as you don't directly buy things!

And yes, I can see that argument has a couple of valid poins. Transformative art is one of the points of fan fic. And if the author has been dead for donkey's years and is no longer using the income from their creation to get people oppressed and killed, then I'd agree.

I can, just for example, engage with works by HP Lovecraft and quite like transformative works based on his original material. (Salute to the monsterfuckers!) Because he is six-feet-under and me commissioning art of sexy cthulu in no way benefits him.

But JKR is alive, wealthier than god, and actively engaging in stochastic terrorism against trans people. It is not the same.

And so the undertone to these comments, whether intended or not, is 'can't you compromise on people's safety and human rights? Just a little? Pweez? My personal entertainment is important!'

Do the commenters intend this? No, I don't think so. I think their argument is made in good faith.

But the comments, like HP, are just covered in the fucking ooze.

To those commenters, I am sorry, believe me. It is the most minor, not even microscopic-violin-worthy of problems, but I do resent the fact that JKRs shite spoiled an act of creation for me. I understand that it does suck when you lose something that brought you joy.

But she is helping to get people killed.

There are so many other authors out there who have brilliant stories and are not using their earnings to hurt trans people.

Please try them instead.

[fixedmoonofficial]

I need a crossover AU between The Boys and Smallville where Lex and Clark have a big head to head fight (future fic where they're already nemeses) and somehow stumble themselves into a portal that takes them to The Boys universe and they're both just blown away by these 'heros'. Like Clark is like "My God..." And Lex feels justified because fuck superheroes y'know. And Clark and Homelander go head to head at some points. And maybe they even find themselves working with The Boys at some points. But in the midst of it all Clark and Lex begin to redevelop their relationship and rely on each other in this strange world. And obviously romance ensues.

[strifesolution]

people who aren’t in fandoms involving youtubers/streamers/content creators/etc will never understand the joy of just how many people you can include in any given fan content. within fandoms of your average media, you’re restricted to canon unless you want to make it a crossover. but in the content creator world, everyone is only one or two degrees of separation from each other. your fav was in a stream with someone who did a video with these people five years ago and one of those people they did the video with had an episode of a thing where this other person cameoed in? everyone in that chain of interaction can justifiably exist in a fic/art piece/au now. there is no such thing as a true crossover!