#just thinking that my art is entirely worthless because it’s not special

[k1tty5]

Hey! If you feel like thanking a doodle request, maybe a lil Gem? Perhaps in her scientist outfit?

Thank you in advance, and I hope life gets better soon! [:

a gem for you <3

[one-idea]

I just realized that I misswrote something on the post the other day about the whitebeards assuming that fem ace was pregnant.

But it gave me another idea:

The whitebeards assuming that Ace and Deuce are married due to their antics.

(Mainly because of Deuce having that fond and kind of gleeful expression whenever ace destroys things and them sleeping together all the time)

Listen!!!! Everyone knows Deuce is in love with Ace. There is no secret there.

No if we are staying in the Whitebread mistaking Ace for being pregnant after she meets Sabo again (see post here)

Deuce is being super sweet and supportive. He’s trying his best (along with the other spades) to shut down any rumors about their former captain.

Until one day he goes to drop of Ace’s dinner and he tries to talking to her again. “You know I’m always here for you. No matter what. I know we’re on a new crew but you will always be my captain and I will always be YOUR 1st mate. I will be by our side no matter what.” Deuce trying to be comforting even though Ace hasn’t looked at him in weeks.

Ace, who has spent the past month think about her brother what was supposed dead for years only to be alive and forgotten their bond. Questioning if she’s even worth remembering. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Even the strongest bonds fade over time. No matter how strong they were or how much they promised.”

Deuce, for the first time wondering if the rumors are true and his best friend/crush did fall in love and get pregnant only to be abandoned. What else could make her feel this way? She always believed in her bonds with people. Her younger sibling Luffy being the most important. And as far as Deuce knew Luffy was fine. “bonds might change but my loyalty to you never will. If you need me I’ll be there. No matter what.”

Ace actually turns to look at him. She’s crying again and she wants so badly not to cry anymore but Sabo is alive and wants nothing to do with her and it’s been so long since she’s felt this worthless. “Stay with me?”

Deuce stays. They’re not doing anything just taking and sleeping. But the rumor mill goes crazy. People talking about how Deuce finally got the girl. How he’s stepping up for Ace and they’re proud of him. Some wonder if it was a lovers spat all along.

But some a ruder about it. And one poor soul, probably Teach because he sucks. Says something about Deuce being so pathetically in love that he’d take a ruined woman and her bastard. Deuce hears it and it’s the first time he’s ever punched a crew mate before. Not because of what they said about him but because of the disrespect and latent sexism towards Ace. (Who again is not pregnant)

Whitebeard is big stressed. He’s got so many rumors flying. A possible grandchild on the way. A possible father as a revolutionary to hunt down. And one of his doctors just broke his hand from punching another one of his son’s in the face. (He proud once the whole story is explained but why him)

When Sabo shows up everyone one of the gossipers is ready for a show down only to be slack jawed because 1) that’s Ace’s brother! 2) she’s not pregnant!

And somehow Deuce and Marcos get roped in (Ace asked them) to giving Sabo a full exam (he was just tackled to the ground) main to insure he’s memories are all right.

Once again quite a confusing day for all.

On the other hand if we’re talking about another story entirely when fem Ace and Deuce are assumed to be married.

The Whitebeard’s are the biggest gossips. You do not have a crew that big that’s all “family” and not get into each others business.

And deuce is so obviously in love with his formal captain. He watches he burn down enemies (a terrifying thing to witness) like it’s a work of art. He is warm to her and goes out of his way to make sure they still see each other as much as possible.

But Ace does to. Their stand offish little sister is warm to her former crew in general but it’s obvious that Deuce is special. She goes out of her way to see him. Even hang out in the infirmary when he can’t leave. A place most commanders avoid like the plague.

The two used to share a room on their old ship and it’s not uncommon for Deuce to spend the night in Ace’s quarters now.

All the Whitebeard’s think they’re married. Heck most of the Spades think they’re married. It’s only the original crew that knows they’re not. They don’t correct anyone because they have so many bets on when the two idiots will actually get together and refuse to have any of these idiots speed up their time tables.

It isn’t until Ace is hanging out with the other commanders on night and Izou asks Ace if she’d like to invite her husband to join them. (They wouldn’t mind him joining them, sure it’s normally commanders only but they can make an exception for the only married pair.)

Ace looks are him supper confused, but before she can speak Marco does. “My fault. I scheduled Deuce to work tonight so I could join you. Next time I’ll put someone else in charge.” He directs the second point to Ace almost as if he’s apologizing for incovining her.

Now Ace is very confused because “I’m not married to Deuce.”

“You’re not!” They all yell at once before looking between each other.

“Do you want to be?” Thatch asked and Ace started sputtering. And that’s it. The commanders are looking between each other. It’s game on. You ever gets Ace and Deuce together wins.

Once Ace leaves they establish rules. They can have help from their divisions. So if one of the nurses convinces Deuce to propose then Marco wins. What do they win. Being Whitebeard’s current favorite. He’s not a man who ranks his children but he was there for the whole conversation. If Ace and Deuce aren’t married and decide to get married guess who is marrying them! Thats right Whitebeard. He’s pumped. The winner gets unofficial title of favorite plus a week off.

The game is on.

Meanwhile Ace is now looking at Deuce completely differently. She had never thought of him in that light before but now… her whole world view has shifted.

She’s trying to navigate this monumental shift while getting pushed into increasingly crazy scenarios with Deuce.

Meanwhile Deuce has always known he had a crush on her. He knew Ace didn’t see him that way so he had decided to ignore it and be friends. Ace’s friendship was enough. But now Ace is acting weird around him and they keep getting stuck together and the nurse and doctors have started telling him how cute they would be together and he feels like he’s losing his mind a bit. It’s not going to happen and he’s okay with that.

It’s a lot of shenanigans

[canonjoshua]

For the Character Ask: Yuuki Terumi

send me a character and i’ll list:

favorite thing about them: How much of an utter asshole he actively chooses to be. Even just funniness aside, and he is incredibly funny, I think Terumi willingly choosing to BE as much of an asshole as he can possibly be just because he likes being an asshole, damn what everyone else thinks or feels, as the ultimate act of rebellion and freedom as what is basically god's mindless defense system growing a soul out of a desire for freedom from its task fucking owns. He's genuinely one of my favorite characters in all of fiction

least favorite thing about them: The piss yellow rain coat. There's some concept art of him that looks cooler. Hell there's a lot of alts that look better, color scheme wise. I wish it wasn't that exact shade of yellow. Even orange suits him much more.

favorite line: Where to fucking start? On the serious side of things, the entire arcade mode ending rant in continuum shift. I've got the whole thing memorized due to the hammy delivery Now… Murakumo, activate! This world is nothing but lies! Lemme show you what I like to call the truth! The truth called "despair!" In the name of Susano'o, I command you! Murakumo, AWAKEN! Behold, the sword of the god-slayer, KUSANAGI! Let all lies fall before your divine blade! Gaahahahaha! Finally, I've got the true successor to the Azure! Try and stop me NOW, Master Unit Amaterasu! Second is: How many years... How many years? Oh, how many years I've waited. How many times has this been repeated? How many hundreds of times?! How many THOUSANDS?! ONE HUNDRED THOUSANDS?! MILLIONS?! TRILLIONS?! I've repeated this worthless comedy show more times than I can count! Hmhmhmhm... Yes... Just a little bit more... Just a bit more, and it will be within reach — the lost "Embryo". Once that's done, this shitty, worthless comedy show will end. And on the comedic side of things: Basically everything he says during any given gag reel, with special attention given to the band gag reel.

brOTP: Him and Hazama. They're like shithead twins and the closest thing either of them is ever gonna have to a friend. Also, him and Ragna but specifically in the band gag reel.

OTP: Him and Relius. See the Relius post for my thoughts. Also, canon marriage.

nOTP: Him and Ragna. I get that people love putting together the main character and villain guys to do yaoi, but also, those two hate each other way too fucking much for that to even result in actual yaoi. They'd bite each other to death before anything like that happened.

random headcanon: Absolutely starts random internet discourse to both feed off of the hatred and because he thinks it's fun.

unpopular opinion: Terumi is a saturday morning cartoon villain on a morality level and probably one of the worst people in all of fiction, but at the same time, he has a lot more depths and interesting things to him than most people give him credit for, even including people who /do/ like him.

song i associate with them: The LA Vocal version of Endless Despair. WAILING WAILING. A LOUD CRY.

favorite picture of them: There's a lot of really good terumi pictures out there but I think I'll go with the slutty pose he does while showing Hazama some major revelations about his own existence.

[occult-roommates]

The human and the spellcaster

Akva had her baby, which meant it was time for someone else to close a chapter of their life. Early that same morning, right before work, Dawud invited Daniele’s to the San Myshuno art museum. They have so many good memories there like uh...That time Daniele almost crashed his broom or when they took a selfie there and it’s how Dawud’s mom found out he had been lying to her for months...But this time it’s the right time, and the museum will officially be their special place.

Daniele: Kinda crazy she hid from her parents the entire pregnancy. Like, it’s not like me who just cut ties with my parents, Akva is still close to them. Must have been rough to not see them for nine months...Well, I guess in the early months you can hide it to them. I don’t know, I didn’t asked her exactly when’s the last time she saw them, anyway... Dawud: Rookie numbers. I avoided my mom was 18 months. I could have had two babies in that mean time. Daniele: It sucks...I miss my parents sometime.

Oh boy, ok, he’s now rambling about his parents. How does Dawud gracefully transition from that to telling him he loves him...Alright, he grabbed his hand. Let’s go.

Dawud: B-But you uh...You know who would always love you no uh...no matter what and even if you’re not a spellcaster anymore?

Now, no going back, if Daniele is quick, he might already figure out where this is going. Come on, he can say it.

Dawud: Ah I-I love you. Daniele: Oh Dav I... Dawud: What? Daniele: I love you too but I cannot date a human.

Shit. Fuck. Damnit. Motherfucker. Bitch. Cunt. Asshole. Swear word. Out of all the possible scenario imaginable, Dawud had not anticipated this one. What should he do now what should he do now what should he do now.

Snapping of course!

Dawud: You know what man, fuck you! I’ve always been a good friend to you and I’ve tried so hard to be one of the good one. And why do you care so much if I’m a human? The fact your family refuses to mingle with humans is why your parents think you’re worthless and don’t want you anymore. Oh and also by doing so your family has shot itself in the foot cause the reason you’re losing your power is because you’re a fucking inbred! Daniele: I’m not an inbred, what are you talking about?! Did someone hit you in the head??? Dawud: You told me yourself. There’s barely any wizards left in Italy, and if your family avoids human then logically at some point you’ll run out of non-relatives to have children with. Daniele: Ok, first of all, yes my great-grandparents were cousins but that was like, four generations ago. And don’t call me a wizard! Dawud: Well you know what, I don’t give a shit. I’m gonna find myself a nice human instead of a fucking wizard such as you. See, this is why nobody actually likes occult anyway.

And after saying that, Dawud left the scene. But the more he walked away, the more he realized what he just said. Oh my god what has he done? What the fuck has he done? Why did he say that? He didn’t even meant any of it, and of course going straight for insults and a hateful rant is not how you get someone to give you a chance! Why oh why did he do that? Why does he keep on making stupid decisions upon stupid decisions??

Guess that’s what he get for trying to be romantic at that damn art museum.

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[phoenixiancrystallist]

I posted 53,811 times in 2022

That's 11,910 more posts than 2021!

350 posts created (1%)

53,461 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@prismatic-bell

@hearts-guided-key

@lunarlegend

@thatrandombystander

@neato-burrito-scream-dorito

I tagged 5,180 of my posts in 2022

#my husband is so beautiful ugaiz 😍 - 358 posts

#bobbi's being weird again - 348 posts

#art - 342 posts

#the great artscapade of 2022 - 309 posts

#my art - 298 posts

#precious chocobean - 158 posts

#heralds of the queue - 118 posts

#friend oc - 106 posts

#untitled gunpla comic - 90 posts

#khdr spoilers - 88 posts

Longest Tag: 141 characters

#he's taking his li'l paw and putting it on my hands or my arm and then meowing and staring at me like 🥺 because i'm not actively petting him

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Day 185 and it's a super important day, y'all! It's @lunarlegend's birthday!!! Happy birthday, Luna, I drew you a Stella, hope you like it!!! :D

14 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

#4

Jim "Treasure Planet" Hawkins is trans and you can't change my mind. My evidence? His theme song. The whole damn thing. But most specifically the lines "I want to tell you who I am. Can you help me be a man? They can't break me, as long as I know who I am" and "they can't tell me who to be, 'cause I'm not what they see."

18 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

#3

Hey y'all, can you do me a favor and check out my bestie's Etsy shop? She just got laid off from her job and she could use the financial help, especially with holidays coming up.

She's got a lot of cute designs, like this shirt here and this cool mug that I'm gonna get for myself when I get paid and a purple pillow and y'all know how I feel about purple (it's the best color, you should get the pillow). There's more, even a paraffin wax candle if you want one of those! She's got a couple Halloween designs for you Halloween lovers out there, too!

See the full post

25 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

#2

I keep thinking of how cruel of an insult "also-ran" is to Lea. To anyone else it's meaningless drivel—hell, I kind of lol wtf'd at it at first—but to Lea? Axel? Who's whole thing is "got it memorized" and wanting to live on in people's memories forever? To be called so worthless and forgettable that the only thing you can say about him is "yeah he was there, too, I guess"? Fuck, that must have hit like a blow to the gut.

And it was a deliberate choice on Xemnas's part, because he knows Axel's whole thing. He knows Axel's primary motivation is to matter and be remembered. But who remembers the also-rans?

It erases everything Lea has accomplished and relegates him to a true nobody—not a Nobody, but a nobody, nobody special, nobody worth mentioning, nobody worth caring about—all in two syllables specifically chosen to punch him in the gut.

On the surface, it seems like a weird translation choice. Something anachronistic, or maybe even a mistranslation, but I don't think it is. I think the translators picked the exact right insult—one that would be a hard miss to anyone else, but undermines everything that Lea is. And the more I think about it, the more it makes me hate Xemnas for that deliberate cruelty (and applaud the translation team for selling it).

Idk man I'm just having weird Lea/Axel feels today

31 notes - Posted May 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I just realized something, and I kind of feel dumb for only now realizing it, but if you only play the numbered Kingdom Hearts games and Dream Drop Distance, you're experiencing the story how Sora experiences it. You know just as much about what's going on as he does.

The side games are only necessary if you want to fully understand the whole entire story, but if you only care about Sora and what Sora's doing and how the story affects Sora? No need to play Roxas or Xion's part of the story, or Terra, Ven, or Aqua's part of the story, or the Age of Fairy Tales, or even Data-Sora and pre-CoM memory-wipe Sora's stories. Sure, Coded and CoM and Days help, but Sora doesn't know what happened in them. He wasn't there. He didn't directly experience Coded and Days, and he's forgotten CoM (though the memory links reside in his heart). But the side games—again, except Dream Drop���were either about other characters, or were written so you don't have to play them to understand everything Sora does. Maybe there was a scene or two (baby Sora and Riku meeting Aqua) that is relevant, but he was also, what, four? Who remembers random strangers saying weird things to you when you're four? It happens all the time, adults are nuts and you don't have a whole lot of life experience so everything is weird to you anyway.

Or maybe I've been cooking on an empty stomach for an hour and it's starting to get to me. Idk. I expect I'll feel the same after I eat, though.

92 notes - Posted April 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[strooples]

Skip to Loafer, chapter 45 analysis

So I wanted to do an Ujiie analysis from chapter 45. Why? Because lately, this scene…

…has been on my mind a lot! *Lowkey since the job market is hell in my home country, and I’m starting to really relate with the panel above and the feelings of distress lol.

And I think the insight into Ujiie’s insecurities are something very valuable the author has managed to provide us in just a simple chapter. Especially since a lot of the things he struggles with are stuff that a lot of people are starting to feel too. So even beforehand, we’ve been established a few core details anout Ujiie! Like how he’s studious and very reclusive/unwilling to respond to those around him. And now, we have some new information to build upon the core traits we know of. Namely:

How he’s been bullied before by other people around him. Ones he describes as more popular, sociable, and good-looking. Likely people he feels are able to fit in much better. As a result of being rejected by so many people, his exact thoughts are to turn down others when invited out. ‘Reject before you can be rejected’ is the logic of his rationale. Even when others are kind to him, he tells himself people only want to befriend him to be polite. Whether they’re genuine or not, the author doesn’t show us the people who invite him out are malicious. But we do see how distorted his thinking is — in that he can’t imagine anyone would WANT to be friends with him.

Self-rejection. It’s obvious here with the little arrows that say “Aiming for medical school” and “Wants to be a TV announcer,” he envies both his classmates’ good looks and aspirations.

His overconfidence is actually a facade for how unhappy he is with himself. We can see it in how he judges other people around him harshly. When in retrospect, he constantly tells himself that if he doesn’t have the appealing traits others have, perhaps he can one-up people with his academic capabilities — which falls apart when confronted with placement in an ultra-competitive & prestigious school where the best students of the entire country cluster in. It’s a realization Mitsumi had herself in the beginning too — where she found that being the best student in her small village doesn’t necessarily mean you are special when pitted against a school filled with incredibly smart and talented people.

So in a sense, he’s somewhat of a ‘gifted child finds out they aren’t special and now has a crisis’ situation where they have to cope, readjust, and find some form of acceptance. It’s a situation that happens to a lot of intelligent or talented people in real life, who’ve built their lives around being smart, or perhaps good in certain skills (art for example is one it happens a lot in). But once they leave their former environments and head towards a new one (perhaps upper education or a career involving a lot of equally-skilled and passionate people), they gain new perspective that others can also excel even better. Leading many to wonder where they place in the world lies, or how the identity or self-esteem they’ve built crumbles around them.

Gifted child crisis moment.

What does that lead to? How Ujiie genuinely feels so insecure that he stakes his entire self-esteem on academic performance and the abilities to get a good career. I think this one is especially depressing because in our high-pressure world, this ‘I’m worth nothing if I can’t achieve or accomplish’ sentiment is becoming more common. Ofc the schooling system in Japan with its brutal drill of exams, the equally-brutal job market, and the heavy social & familial pressures all contribute to Japan-specific cases — like the citations of many teens and young adults under the Japanese structure. But this problem has always been present with young people globally to an extent, where people are made to feel worthless if they can’t build up an image of accomplishment. It’s why you often get people who feel guilt when they can’t work when their health is down, or if they can’t finish schooling by a certain age. It’s why people often overwork themselves, neglect their own mental + psychological needs, or feel like their life is hopeless without the perfect career. It’s why most people often feel there’s this looming time limit to reach the metrics of life in regards to education, career, and family — or else they feel like a failure.

Which brings me to my last point: That Ujiie deep down is sad that he can’t not only make a friend, but that he doesn’t deserve a friend. I think a lot of his monologue indicate that he doesn’t feel he deserves a friend. He feels worthless, indistinguishable, and unable to connect with others. He can be judgmental, harsh, and very blunt (looking at the way he refers to Mitsumi). It’s partially why he values and prides himself with his schoolwork so much; it’s a way for him to feel there’s something good about himself. So removing the one trait of esteem he has — built on a very fragile backing — leads him to have nothing to fall back on. And where does that need to be special come from? From wanting to connect with others. From wanting a friend (like the idea of appealing to an employer by seeming exceptional is, in a sense, linked to the idea of envying those special ‘stand-out’ traits in many of the people he’s met that allowed them to have so many friends). That desire to shut people out? It’s actually because deep down, he already rejects himself and believes everyone will too.

In a way, this made his admission to Mitsumi of how he judges her as an admission to his own misjudgment, facade of arrogance, and how she has things he desires too despite being in a situation he was initially in. It seems harsh, blunt — in the typical Ujiie style we’ve been introduced to. But it’s a moment of humility, a show of vulnerability, an acknowledgment that deep down, he seeks to be the same: Someone who is cheerful, kind, and has friends who genuinely accept them for who they are.

Ujiie’s conclusions.

So really, he has this moment of vulnerability where he finally admits to himself that he WANTS to change. He wants to be able to open up, to be accepted. He doesn’t want to push away people out of fear that he’ll be rejected anymore.

That significant moment he has the revelation.

But something happens here that’s interesting, because he’s understimated one more thing.

With our knowledge of Mitsumi as the main character, we know that unlike some of the people who have bullied Ujiie before, she didn’t initially have it easy. She struggled too in the same ways as Ujiie was, in terms of fitting in with her new academic environment & Tokyo. She’s struggled with losing her sense of self worth, in the sole thing that she’s staked such a big part of herself and her feelings of pride & accomplishment in. She seems to be adapting well, because outwardly she reacts a LOT different than Ujiie. But similarly to him — despite being such different people — she’s bottled up her own feelings too.

Mitsumi’s moment.

It’s so interesting to see how empathetically this scene was handled, because the issues in it aren’t unique per say but important nonetheless. We see a lot of people on a daily basis who probably feel the same way both Ujiie and Mitsumi do deep down. And it’s a crushing feeling, one that’s terribly common in our world.

So the author has managed to hit the mark on a lot of points: Our global achievement-oriented cultural pressures, self-esteem, the gifted child trope, envy, misjudgment (like how Ujiie failed to see that it wasn’t easy for everyone else either), pushing others away, how bullying effects you in the long-term, and a desire for friendships and understanding — to be seen and accepted. All very complex topics, strung together with sensitivity and a resolution in mutual understanding between the characters.

< But yeah!! I just really wanted to pick apart this chapter and overthink about what I could find, ahah. >

[partlysmith]

BTW, I was just thinking about that one art you did of "The Humbug" and I was wondering, since it's the proper season, what was your idea for an NmBC sequel? Because I am legit curious!

(referring to this)

I haven't figured everything out yet, but the basic idea is that it begins in late October, Halloween is right around the corner, and Jack is facing his most difficult challenge as Pumpkin King: for the first time in his unlife, he is completely out of ideas.

While desperately racking his skull in his office one night, there is a violent knock at his door, as Krampus bursts into his home and accuses him of kidnapping Santa Claus. Again. Jack agrees to help Krampus investigate Santa's disappearance to help clear his name.

The Humbug runs the mine and processing plant that provides the citizens of Christmas town with coal for their furnaces, as well as the coal for naughty children, which Krampus delivers. He abhors holidays and all things frivolous, regarding them as a waste of time, believing firmly in essentialism and efficiency in all things. His workers are even amalgamations of various broken toy parts discarded from Santa's workshop, eager to put these pathetic playthings to good use (and elves need to eat and rest, the nerve).

Jack and Krampus investigate the other Holidays and notice that they're starting to twist and wilt, turning grey and crumbling, as if the joy has been sucked straight out of them. But every holiday has one thing in common: they're all missing their icons.

It is revealed that The Humbug is behind the kidnappings, and Jack is next on his list. The Humbug's plan was to own and control every Holiday for his own personal gain. However, he failed to realize that without the creative souls that made them worth celebrating, the Holidays become dull and lifeless. His desire to reduce celebration and merriment into nothing but hard numbers had made them worthless in the process.

The only reason the Holidays flourished as well as they did was because of the diversity, these special moments in the year that everyone looks forward to for their own reason. And those severed connections were the cause of Jack's creative block (because something something mutter).

also, Humbug does not get redeemed, he straight up dies due to his narrow vision and obsession with his own goals

I also want Sally to have something to do in this movie, so I figured she'd go on her own investigation with Lock, Shock, and Barrell, and would end up being the one who discovers Humbug's plot

and I am well aware, that some people would say a sequel without Oogie Boogie is blasphemy, but I figured the quickest way to make the sequel stand apart from the original was with a new villain

I don't think sequels to movies that are several decades old should rely on nostalgia alone, it makes them feel flat and hollow. If you wanna watch the original, just watch the original. My thought was "if you watched both movies back to back, then the sequel shouldn't feel like watching the same movie twice"

But ANYWAY, the entire premise is basically one big criticism of post-Iger Gisney, which is exactly why it would never be greenlit, even if I really had the resources to realistically pitch it to them, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[elentiyawhitethorn]

feysand blind date

Loving Every Second of It

Fluff//3010 words

Feyre wasn’t sure what she was expecting tonight.

Lucien had set her up on a blind date with a friend of a friend and there was no way it wasn’t going to end miserably. Maybe Feyre would say something stupid and he would think she was weird. Maybe he would decide she wasn’t pretty enough or her clothes weren’t nice or she was just boring. Maybe some other woman who was everything she would never be would catch his eye. Maybe—

“I really hope you’re not still imagining ways this will end poorly.”

Feyre frowned. “Seriously, Lu, this is a bad idea.”

Lucien elbowed her. “You said, and I quote, “I’m done being a lonely spinster who’s too busy regretting my life choices to get laid.” Therefore I, as the good friend I am, decided to get you a date. And consequently, laid. So stop being a bitch. If it doesn’t end well, at least you put yourself out there, right?”

She sighed. “If it doesn’t end well, I will have to endure the long-lasting humiliation and despair for the rest of my life. That’s not something I’m inclined to want.”

“The only reason I’m still here listening to your self-pity is because I know if I leave you’ll chicken out.”

“And because I’m your best friend?”

“Yeah, that too.”

Feyre scowled and crossed her arms. “You don’t say that very convincingly.”

Lucien just smiled and gave Feyre a peck on the cheek. “You’ll have a good time tonight. Just be yourself.”

“But what if he doesn’t like myself?”

“He will. Azriel has good taste in people, as evidenced by the fact that he’s dating me,” Lucien stated matter-of-factly.

Feyre rolled her eyes but allowed a small smile to cross her features. Azriel had only started dated Feyre’s best friend a couple weeks ago, and she’d met the man a handful of times. It was his friend, Rhys, she thought he’d said, that she would be going on a date with tonight.

“It’s time to go,” Lu told her.

Feyre blinked. “Already?”

“Yes, don’t pretend you haven’t been counting the seconds. You’re such a bullshitter.”

A mournful sigh was all she gave Lucien before heading to the door. They had agreed to meet at the restaurant, a fancy, but also homey, little place downtown.

“Wait.”

Feyre almost growled out loud. If Lucien kept distracting her, she was going to lose her nerve.

“I’m driving you to the restaurant.”

Feyre spun around. “What do you mean you’re driving me? I was about to walk out the door.”

Lucien crossed his arms. “Yes, but that still leaves you with dozens of opportunities to turn back around. I won’t risk it.”

Feyre narrowed her eyes, but reluctantly allowed him to take her. The drive was unpleasant—Feyre would never admit it to him, but Lucien had been right. Had she had the option, she would have turned around by the time they pulled up at the restaurant. Feyre’s hands were clenched into fists to keep them from shaking.

She tried to think when she had become so nervous about dates. It probably had something to do with Tamlin. Tamlin was a bastard who had ridiculed and scorned Feyre subtly enough during their relationship that Feyre had begun to think of herself as worthless, entirely unaware it was his fault. She’d dumped his sorry ass after she caught him in Feyre’s own fucking bed with Ianthe, a “friend.”

Yes, that was definitely the cause of Feyre’s anxiety. She was never excessively social or flirty, but she had at least been cool and collected, as many guys noticed. Or they used to, anyway. Now she was scared to go on a single gods-damn date.

“Are you going to get out of the car, or are we going to sit here all night?” Lucien’s dry voice cut into her thoughts.

Feyre glared at him, not deigning to give a response other than a raised finger (try and guess which one) and getting out. She closed the door and turned around, checking her phone for the time before turning it on silent. It was only a few minutes before six-thirty, so he may or may not be there already.

Taking a moment—and making sure Lucien had already driven off—Feyre smoothed out her dress apprehensively. She was wearing a plain blue dress suited for a special occasion, but still simple enough not to be too flashy. Had she misjudged what to wear? Should she have with something more stylish? Or maybe more revealing, showing off more of her legs or breasts?

And her makeup—was it too plain? Should she have chosen better earrings? Should she be wearing more jewelry? Were her flats too drab?

Feyre almost wished Lucien had stayed to make sure she made it in the restaurant. Steeling herself for the inevitable letdown that tonight would be, Feyre went inside.

Before she had a chance to look around, she nearly ran into a man waiting at the entrance.

“Oh, you’re pretty.”

The man raised an eyebrow.

Feyre blinked. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.” She was blushing and cursing herself for her lack of a filter.

Although, who could blame her? The man was dark-skinned, violet-eyed, and muscled, with dark, tousled hair and strong cheekbones. He was wearing an insanely hot dress shirt with the sleeves—the fucking sleeves—rolled up, revealing tattooed forearms. Pretty was a bit of an understatement.

The man was grinning now. The bastard probably had a lot of women telling him he was pretty. Feyre kicked herself internally.

“Well, if it makes it better, I think you’re pretty too.”

Feyre’s face turned an even deeper shade of red. “Um, thanks. I should… I have a date… with um…” She trailed off, the man smirking all the while. And then she thought of something.

“You’re Rhys, aren’t you? I mean sure, there are plenty of other people here who could be Rhys, but I have the worst luck, and telling my date he’s pretty totally qualifies as bad luck. Fuck, I thought we’d at least make it to the table before I scared you away. Oh shit, I’m just making it worse now, aren’t I?”

Rhys, or the random guy Feyre was assuming to be Rhys, smiled. Not condescendingly or rudely in any way, just more of an amused expression. “I am Rhys. Which I think makes you Feyre?”

Feyre nodded sullenly.

“It takes more than a beautiful woman complimenting me to scare me away, don’t worry. Why don’t we sit down?”

Feyre’s face was crimson, she was sure of it. She hadn’t expected a compliment from him after that little incident. She tried to think of what Lucien would say right now. Don’t worry, it’ll be a fun story to tell your kids. Okay, not helping.

Trying to turn off her brain, admittedly without much success, Feyre nodded once more and let Rhys lead her over to a table by the window. It was mostly dark outside, so the choice of seating only allowed to give them some privacy as opposed to being in the middle of the room. Probably not a conscious choice on Rhys’ choice, but Feyre quite liked it.

He also pulled the chair out for Feyre to sit. What a gentleman.

Feyre awkwardly fumbled with the menu, trying not to stare at Rhys’ beautiful face.

“Have you been here before, Feyre?” So much for that.

She looked up. “No, I haven’t.”

“I’ve been a couple times. Of course you can get whatever you like, but I would recommend the braised pork. It was delicious.”

Feyre bit her lip. “It sounds good.”

The waiter came over just then and Rhys asked for the braised pork for himself, then Feyre said to make it two orders.

He left, and the pair was left in silence once more. “So, Rhys,” Feyre said, making an effort not to be entirely silent. “Tell me about yourself.”

He smiled. “I work as an architect. I like reading, sightseeing, and talking to interesting ladies. How about you?”

Feyre snorted. “I’m an artist. I like, well, painting I guess. And jogging. And talking to handsome men, I suppose I should say.”

Rhys full-on grinned. “Tell me about your work. Is it just paint, or other types of art?”

Feyre answered his question, and then a few more. She tried not to talk too much, not wanting to take over the conversation, but Rhys showed such a genuine interest in her passion that Feyre could help opening up. By the time the food arrived, he knew her style, her favorite colors to use, her methods of gaining inspiration, and her opinions on some classic pieces that Rhys seemed to know more than the average person about.

Then the waiter interrupted with their meal. Once everything was served and Feyre had already dug into the pork, which was even more delectable then Rhys had let on, he asked another question.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why did you decide to try out a blind date?”

Feyre finished chewing, using the time to think about how to answer his question properly. “I ended a bad relationship a few months ago, and I’ve been a bit lacking in confidence since then. I guess I’m just sick of spending my weekends alone. What about you?”

“I’ve been searching for a relationship for a while. I’m interested in the idea of spending my future with someone, so when Azriel suggested a date with you, I jumped at the chance.” Rhys seemed to reconsider his words. “Not that I would be spending my future with you, necessarily.” He paused. “I mean—”

“No, I get it,” Feyre cut in, not wanting to hear any more of this. “I’m not the type of person you want to be in a serious relationship with.” She had known all along. Rhys was charming and handsome and smart and funny and there was no reason he would want to spend his life with her of all people.

Rhys’ eyes widened. “No, not at all!” he exclaimed. “That came out wrong. I was only trying to take it back so as not to pressure you. I didn’t know how much you’d be okay with hearing me tell you how interested I was in you after saying I’m looking for a relationship.”

Feyre blinked, surprised to find that it hadn’t been a dismissal. Surprised at more than that. “Oh.”

Rhys smiled, the first signs of nervousness shining through his calm demeanor. “I like you, Feyre. We’ve only been talking for fifteen minutes, and already I like you. And I’m not getting too ahead of myself by claiming you’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Not nearly this soon; hell, I just met you. But I do think you should know what I’m looking for so we can end this before it goes too far. If you’re not ready for something like that, I mean.”

Feyre was stunned. Rhys not only liked her, but enough to tell her something like that?

“I hadn’t really thought that far ahead, but I like you too,” she replied. And she meant it. Rhys was really nice, and very intriguing. She hadn’t considered what she wanted past a date. After all, she had been positive he would diss her by the end of it. But Feyre sure as hell wanted something with this man.

Rhys almost seemed surprised. “I’m not asking for commitment or anything like that. Certainly not on the first date. But maybe you can think over that later, and we can finish dinner now?”

Feyre smiled, still processing his words. “Okay.”

They dug in. There was less conversation than before, both because Feyre was too busy letting out content groans at the taste of the food and from the lingering awkwardness. But they did start talking more toward the end, Feyre snorting into her hand as she heard the end of some ridiculous story Rhys was telling her. By the time the waiter came over and let them know the restaurant was closing now, they’d returned to an animated conversation.

From everything to Rhys’ work as an architect to gossip about Azriel and Lucien to current events and old movies and bad jokes, it had crossed the discussion. Rhys was an exceptional conversationalist.

Rhys pulled out a wallet, but Feyre said, “We can split it.”

He glanced over. “I’ve got it, darling. Consider it my treat.”

Trying to suppress a shiver at the new nickname, Feyre said, “Really, I can help out.”

“Persistent, aren’t you? Maybe I’ll let you buy me coffee next time.”

Feyre knew he was teasing; there was no doubt he would refuse to let her pay next time. He seemed like the kind of guy to insist. Still, Feyre was more than satisfied with hearing that there would be a next time.

Disappointed with the fact they had to leave, but definitely pleased with how the date had gone, Feyre stood. Rhys walked Feyre out in silence, the latter surprised to find how long they’d been chatting. The restaurant was almost empty.

Feyre pulled her phone out of her purse.

“No ride, darling?” Rhys had raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

“No, my friend dropped me off. He was worried I would flee if he didn’t actually bring me here himself.”

Rhys grinned. “Would you have fled?”

“Probably,” Feyre admitted.

“Let me drive you home. No expectations,” he added hastily at Feyre’s expression. “Just so you don’t have to wait out here. It’s getting cold.”

“Alright,” she agreed, very appreciative.

She’d sent Lucien a text and he had shot back a message letting her know he would be on the way. Feyre swiftly sent another text.

nvm rhys is dropping me off

Then she followed Rhys over to his car, laughing when he opened the door for her with a bow. Feyre wished she was the one driving; it would have been easier to keep her eyes off of him if she had something to focus on.

“Am I really that pretty?” So he’d noticed.

Feyre scowled. “Shut up.”

Rhys chuckled and glanced over, then turned his eyes back to the road. “I had a really nice time tonight, Feyre.”

“Me too,” she said.

The only words passed between them after that were directions on how to find Feyre’s apartment, fairly close to the restaurant. They were a street over when Feyre pulled a scrap of a receipt out of her purse, as well as a pen—Lucien often made fun of her having everything in her purse, but it was useful—and wrote down her number. They parked and Rhys looked over.

“So you don’t have to contact me through Lucien next time,” she clarified, handing him the paper.

Rhys smiled and put the paper in his pocket.

“Thank you for the ride, Rhys.”

He frowned mockingly. “What kind of person do you think I am, darling? Didn’t you know the good guys walk their dates to the door?”

Feyre laughed and mumbled something, getting out. Rhys stepped out of the car as well. But Feyre was starting to get nervous that Rhys was expecting something from her. Tamlin always had, after all.

They reached Feyre’s door and she stopped. But before she could say goodnight, Rhys seemed to realize why she was so anxious. He was too observant for his own good.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Feyre. I didn’t walk you here because I required anything of you.”

She flushed. “It’s not that I thought you would, exactly, I guess it just… been a while since I’ve met a nice guy.”

Rhys looked very sympathetic. “I understand. And for you, Feyre, I couldn’t care less if you wanted to drag me in your apartment and have your way with me now or wait a year to so much as kiss me. You’re worth it.”

There was no way Feyre’s face at all resembled a normal color. Or her ears. Or her neck. Gods, she was positively reeling.

“Really?”

“I had fun with you,” was all Rhys said.

Feyre barely noticed herself leaning closer. “Maybe a goodnight kiss wouldn’t be so bad.”

Rhys’ lips twitched and he assessed the sincerity of the statement. He leaned in slowly, giving Feyre every chance to back away, before planting his lips softly on hers.

Feyre melted into the kiss, obsessed with the soft feel of his mouth. It only last a few seconds, and Rhys’ touch remained featherlight. He pulled back, grinning.

“Goodnight, Feyre.”

She leaned against the wall for support. She was probably swooning. “Goodnight.”

One last smirk was all she got before he turned and walked down the hall.

Making it into her apartment, Feyre tried to process what had happened.

She’d met the man and made a fool of herself. Still, he had been nice and showed an interest in her. Then he had said he desired a serious relationship with someone, and she was a good candidate. There had been some more startled deer-like behavior on her part and some more suaveness from him. Then he had been super gentlemanly about not expecting her to sleep with him.

Basically, he was all Feyre could have wished for—and then some.

Feyre groaned loudly, throwing one of her flats at the wall. Then the other. She wasn’t sure why she was angry. Probably just because she’d been so ridiculous tonight. Or maybe it was the pent-up up hormones.

Feyre glanced at her phone, saw about a dozen messages from Lucien telling her to have fun and “be safe.” She threw her phone on the couch and grumbled about what a nosy little asshole her best friend was.

Then she slumped to the floor.

Feyre was going to spend the rest of her life mooning over Rhys and making a fool of herself, she already knew it. And she was going to love every second of it.

Oh, she was screwed.

———

Tag List:

@aelin-bitch-queen // @feysand-loml // @infernoqueen19 // @live-the-fangirl-life // @midsizewitch // @sleeping-and-books // @story-scribbler // @thebonecarver

[whoiwanttoday]

I listened to Chvches talk about horror movies yesterday. It was on a podcast and I guess part of the press tour about Screen Violence, which is a album very much influenced by horror movies, but they really just talked about horror movies. Thier favorites. And it was a lot of fun to listen to. For me at least. Like... these are three people with some really interesting thoughts about movies and it wasn't that celebrity press go through the motions thing but rather people with some very intense passion for these movies. Which makes sense, you don't make an album with references to horror movies if you don't care about them. Anyway, what really got me was the discussion about Nightmare on Elm Street, a movie and franchise I hold dear. It is not my all time favorite horror movie or anything (Let's be honest, the entire point of this blog is that I am not good at favorites and my mood changes from day to day) but it is the franchise that was the most important to me as a kid. At the time, culturally, horror was all about slashers and that mean Freddy, Michael, and Jason. And of the three this series meant the most to me. A thing I have thought about a lot, why did it resonate not just with me but with the culture at large. If you don't know, Freddy was bigger than the Beatles. It's hard to describe how ubiquitous and pop culture huge he was in like 1990. Marketed to kids, adults, everything. I remember him showing up on Nickelodeon when I was a kid. I was scared shitless and fascinated and the core to the series success is, in my mind, that adults are fucking worthless. You have all these baby boomer parents who aren't just unhelpful, actions they take are actively harmful, to the point that the only reason these teenagers are being stalked and killed is because of an action their parents took. My generation suffering because of narcissistic baby boomers. Parents more interested in showy displays of helping their kids than actually helping their kids. They disregard their children's feelings, ignore what they say, ignore evidence in front of them. They do murder a man for being a pedophile, perpetuating a cycle of violence but never actually addressing the trauma their kids experienced. Cause addressing the trauma would require them to be less self involved and worry about their kids feelings. Killing someone, that's all about you and getting to feel righteous in the moment so you can go back to ignoring your kids. That has always been my read on the Elm Street parents and why I think those movies resonated with so many people in my generation. Basically Baby Boomers suck and are shit parents. And this was brought up by some of the band, how bad the parents are but Lauren Mayberry brought up that all of the men in the movie are different forms of worthless. And boy, I had never thought about it but this is why I love art. She mentioned Johnny Depp's character, the boyfriend to our hero. And yeah, he is nothing special as a boyfriend but until she dug into it I had never thought about just what a terrible boyfriend he is in the most lowkey way. His girlfriend's concerns are not really a thing he cares about, he is a mix of dismissive and condescending about them, but in that nice guy way where he humors her. He has one job, to stay the fuck awake, and when he doesn't he almost gets his girlfriend killed. And yet, growing up, in the culture of the time he was a decent boyfriend in most of our minds. Not great but not bad. Not like Rod, the guy in the leather jacket. It took Lauren Mayberry to make me realize that dude sucks. He just sucks in a different way. And I don't know if Wes Craven wrote him to suck. I don't know if Johnny Depp played him to suck. But that's the magic of art, once the artist has created it, it is out of their hands and our own experiences and readings bring so much more to it. As did Lauren Mayberry's experience as a woman, no doubt dealing with multiple forms of male worthlessness over the course of her life. I really liked that and it made me want to watch the movie again with these new eyes. Also she's hot and Scottish so I really like her voice. Today I want to fuck Lauren Mayberry.

[littleoddwriter]

Support Content Creators! (Please.)

Hello there!

So, I’m pretty frustrated and sad. “Why?” you may ask.

You may have noticed that I’ve started adding “Reblogs > Likes.” to my posts. I’ll explain why I started doing that for everything I upload now, instead of just my art. Most of my works (not all) don’t get beyond 10 to 20 notes (if at all); maybe 30 on a better day. 98% of those notes are Likes. No Reblogs. And that is a problem. Reblogs are the only way to spread content here and support content creators effectively. Yet barely anyone reblogs my works, which are entirely for free. It’s my hobby. I don’t get paid for any of the things I do; I create because I want to or have been asked to.

Which is my next problem. I take requests and I like fulfilling them. I like doing things for other people. But I don’t get anything back in return. Not a thank you, not any sort of feedback, no reblogs, nothing. That goes to say that some people do have the decency to give feedback and/or thank me for writing their request. But I can count on one hand how many people it is/times that has happened. That is a huge issue.

I’m actually considering closing my requests altogether, now. Indefinitely. I won’t stop writing, of course not! I love writing, I love creating content; even if not a lot of people read/view, or even like it. But I’m tired of fulfilling all these favours and not getting anything back, not even a reblog for the time and effort I put in for you. I always prioritise requests, but it just feels like I’m wasting my time and energy on them, no thanks to the lack of support and feedback. That sucks. It would suck much less, though, if I actually felt like it was worth it. But I don’t. Because being asked to do something and then putting so much time and effort into it and then not getting anything back for it is really bad. It makes me feel worthless and as though I’ve completely wasted my time.

The only person, who’s kept me motivated to do any of this for the past year is my best friend, @iscariot-rising, so special shout-out to him! He is the only one, who reads everything I put out and reblogs it. One person, who also happens to be my best friend. Do you see the problem?

Also, seeing other creators’ works being reblogged by my mutuals, but having them only ever leave a like on my works, makes me feel as though I’m doing something wrong or like my work isn’t worth/good enough to be supported/spread/seen outside of my own blog. And it’s near impossible for me to not feel that way about it; even if it doesn’t actually have anything to do with me/my works at all.

Anyway, that’s where I’m at, right now. And unless things change significantly until April (when I would be opening my Fic requests again), then I’ll stop taking requests for good. And instead I’ll prioritise my own works, which have all been put on hold all year long, now.

Thank you for your attention, and I’m sorry for being a little harsh at some points. I want you to know that I’m grateful for every like, too; but unfortunately they don’t do anything but tell me that you’ve seen my work. I’m not angry with anybody in particular, nor am I trying to guilt y’all into supporting me. Still, I think that explaining what it feels like and what it does to me to see this glaring lack of support is important for you to understand why I may take such actions, soon. Take care. <3

[tauforged]

see i get what ur saying avout the ai art thing and tbh a lot of people are being cringe about it. but imo its not like the difference btwn digital/traditional art bc its not really about 'suffering' etc? its really more about stealing like the program isnt doing any work st ALL, all its doing is squishing pre-existing art together. its less like digital art and more like a collage of other people's art, so do get while people are testy about it winning awards and the like. bc its not actually creatingin ANY way

see i totally understand where you’re coming from here (and i’m not even really talking about the award thing, it reminded me of it but that’s not entirely what i have in mind while i’m talking about this. that’s a unique situation of its own and to be frank i don’t think a screenshot of a headline provides enough context to make judgement on it)

HOWEVER it’s also like. is that not how human beings ALSO learn to draw? i don’t mean in a ‘copying someone’s art style’ way, but like, the best way to actually learn how to do art and develop a ‘style’ that works for you is by…. looking at examples, thinking about the aspects you like and don’t like, and figuring out how to create that way yourself. like, conscious or not, everyone takes inspiration from SOMETHING.

granted, ai stuff isn’t my personal forte, i don’t know everything about how these things work, but i don’t think it’s as simple as cutting and pasting direct aspects from different pictures - from what i understand, it studies images it pulls from a database thay match the given prompt, takes notes of similarities between all results, and makes a new image based entirely on what it’s ‘learned’ from the data it’s looked at. if i generated ‘a pickle wearing a cowboy hat’, it’d look at pictures of pickles, and pictures of cowboy hats, and then would have to derive from those images what a pickle is supposed to look like, and what a cowboy hat is supposed to look like, and then go from there to blindly assemble the pieces together until the results look like a pickle wearing a cowboy hat. it doesn’t trawl the internet for drawings that someone else has ALREADY MADE of pickles wearing hats and copy their art directly or purposefully - but if there was an artist out there whose portfolio was almost entirely paintings of pickles wearing cowboy hats, the volume of art they’ve produced that matches the prompt would probably skew the ai’s results towards pictures that resemble their art. it’s the same reason all ai image generators have disclaimers about how there’s inherent bias due to the way image searching works.

again i’m not disagreeing with you here - i’m kinda neutral-positive about ai art as a whole. i think it’s fascinating that we’ve managed to create programs that are capable of generating images that are so complex, and that can look ‘real’ so to speak. but i’m also aware that it can be used dishonestly just like any other artistic tool. my complaint mostly comes from the people who are saying things to the effect of “these programs are allowing people who AREN’T ARTISTS to make pictures that LOOK like ‘real art’ and that’s BAD because it means artists aren’t ‘special’ anymore, and that our talents and skills are worthless now!!!!!!!!” which is just. baffling? i can’t imagine genuinely thinking that being an artist is this special elite members only club and that you have to have this much ‘talent’ (i hate the word talent btw. that’s a rant for another time tho) to ride, otherwise you can get fucked. (this isn’t hyperbole btw this is like almost word for word a complaint i saw on twitter. i know finding bad takes on twitter is like going swimming and getting mad that you got wet, but i was kinda shocked by how many people took that shit at face value and agreed)

i just think ultimately waffling about what is and isn’t ‘real art’ is useless. i’m not digging on you, because you do make a valid point, but i also think your use of the word ‘collage’ is really interesting because collage is also an art form, and one that i personally really find compelling to boot! being able to take something and cut it up and rearrange the pieces into something wholly new doesn’t sound like ‘not art’ to me.

overall i think it’s just a much more nuanced situation than people really want to see it as. there’s no real ‘this is good!’ or ‘this is bad!’ because it’s again just a tool and whether or nit its useful entirely depends on the intent of the person using it rather than being an inherent property of the tool itself, i think. that’s my take, anyway

[kissme-hs]

Tainted love: 3

Here it is!! I’m so sorry it took me so long to update it but let me know what you think! Hope you enjoy it.

~Ria

Pairing: Fem! Reader x Chris Evans

Warnings: None.

*_*_*_*_*_*

Hatred is far from the feeling you felt. You were disgusted. Utterly disgusted with the man you put your trust and faith and your heart into who did nothing but took it for granted and it all into little crumbs of pain. All this time you blamed yourself for HIS actions that he not only did while being in his complete sense but knowing how wrong it is-continued doing it. The image you had of Chris in your mind now vanished, the man you once thought deserved to be prayed now made your stomach churn because of how shameful he turned out to be.

After sending him the text you thought, oh you thought that he would realize what he lost, that he would feel a little bit at least of regret in the back of his head but you were so wrong. It not only made you feel worthless but made you realize instead how your love meant nothing to him, how all those years you spent in each other’s arm vowing to each other to be in love until the end of time was nothing but a lie to him. Where to you it meant your entire life.

One doesn’t stay with a person for three years not to just fuck and say I love you’s for fun. With the years the feelings grow strong and at some point, you start fantasizing marrying that person, having kids with the person, grow old with the person. But when one decides to go and cheat, putting all the years of love in ignorance and throwing it all in the pit of darkness not only everything changes but the dreams once knitted by the eyes of the one who remained faithful in love, who was the true lover gets struck by the lightening of reality. And once the dreams crashes, it becomes nearly impossible to dream again because the dreamer starts seeing the real world.

Fuck dreams.

Became your to go motto ever since you knocked on his door.

The heavy teal door opened after a few knocks as you held your breath getting yourself ready to face the man who ripped your heart apart. But instead you were met by a pair of green eyes, gorgeous eyes. She stood there in his hoodie and a pair of short showing her perfect toned legs. Her dirty blonde hair and fuller plumps would made any man lose his girl and go crawling to her. She was an absolute piece of art.

“Chris we have someone here for you” She yelled leaning back a bit so the man could hear her. She gave you a side smile as a gesture of kindness. She was aware she was a homewrecker, she knew how much Chris loved you and she also knew being a good friend she should’ve stopped him when things became a routine between them two but she couldn’t say no to him. Chris would make any women go crawling to him too. She was equally shameful for what she has done not as close to how Chris was feeling but still. So when Chris asked her to come over explaining her what happen which she knew would some day she didn’t hesitate coming over comforting him.

“i-im Samantha” she replied stepping aside letting you step inside of your his house. The smell of familiar cologne and candles hit your nostrils making you tear up from the past good memories. Gi ving her a tiniest sad smile and a nod, you stepped inside of the house. Turning your gaze up to the sound of approaching footsteps you saw the man, and oh sweet jesus you thought you’d hate him but how could you when the feeling of love was always greater than hatred. But the pain crept up when you saw Samantha walking to him and rubbing his side comforting him, though she was guilty, she still at some point enjoyed the attention Chris gave her.

Though she might have a portion of kindness in her heart she was known for breaking homes. She was used to getting in pants of men who were committed. It made her feel special; it made her feel like gold that everyone loved chasing. Especially in this case, knowing what a prize Chris’s girlfriend, you were she was over the moon. She loved how Chris was willing to give up a beautiful woman with a proper job and who had her life sorted for someone who was nothing compared to you.

“Y/n” he breathed out ignoring the woman rubbing his arm. His eyes getting wet seeing your face after days. Jeez only if he could kiss you and tell you how much he missed you and loved you.

“I-im sorry, I’m so sorry” He said walking to you as you raised your hand telling him to stop, which he understood nodding his head and taking a step back. He felt the ache in his heart.

“He really is sorry, he told me everything after you texted him so I came running” Samantha uttered rubbing Chris’s back. It did nothing to you but made your blood boil as you closed your eyes and took a deep breath not wanting to say something which could hurt her feelings. Opening your mouth telling her to leave you heard Chris say that instead.

“Can I ask you to leave please?” He asked her taking a deep breath trying not to yell either.

“I-“

“Get out, get off my property” you spat. You and Chris jointly brought this house so you wouldn’t feel a burden on him being the independent woman you were. Feeling like she was shamed in front of two successful people, Samantha gathered her stuff and left within the next coming minute. Though you were a softie, there was no doubt you has a powerful side too.

“I’m sorry baby, I am so sorry. Please give me a second chance.”

“Why Chris? Why did you cheat on me? Was my love was not enough for you to sleeping with her. Tell me Chris did you not feel a little bit of shame fucking on OUR bed? Tell me why did you have to go and do that making me look like a fool? Why did you waste my time? WHY DID YOU FAKED THE LOVE if you wanted to cheat?” You finally let it out. You were crying at this not giving a fuck. He deserved to see how broken he left you. You were not going to act like everything was fine, like you didn’t care when you felt dead inside.

“No. No baby. Never for once I ever faked my love for you.” He cried cupping your cheeks-you finally let him touch you because you wanted to feel his warmth on your cold skin. His own eyes crying as you sobbed yourself.

“I-I don’t know why I did that. I don’t know why I decided to chase a rock when I had the most precious diamond. She is nothing compared to you. Nothing. I love you so much” He whispered resting his forehead against yours. You knew deep down he meant what he said. You felt the words hitting your body making your knees go week but it was for the best. The separation. So pushing him back slightly you gathered your broken pieces up.

“I just came to tell you that I am moving to California. I will always cherish the good memories you gave me” you gave him a broken smile wiping your tears with the back of your hand.

“No please give me one more chance” Chris pleaded grabbing your hands. His defeated eyes begged yours to give in, to see that he wasn’t lying anymore. That he was truly sorry for what he has done but being the strong headed woman you are, you shook your head and wiped his tears with your hand before cupping his cheek.

“It’s for the best. I still love you, but it’s not the same Chris. Let me let you go”

That was an year ago. An year ago you left the man standing on his porch as you turned your back on his forever, making your way to the new life that waited ahead of you in Los Angeles. The city of angels. The city that gave you a chance to put your words into songs, let your shattered voice sing it in a melody helping you reach out to him without reaching out to him.

And today you stood in front of over 100 amazing successful celebrities who warmly welcomed you in the family of Hollywood and decided to join you for your album launch party. You didn’t hesitate writing down your deepest condolences you had for yourself and singing it out. Every word people heard in the songs came from the bottom of your heart. Came within the true feeling of getting lost and found again.

Getting into the industry wasn’t hard for you. You were already a known person working for Hollywood and it not only being the reason how you met Chris it also gave you an opportunity  to let your talent out. All those months you spent working hard to get acceptance by one of the music producers was the time when Chris was fucking Samantha. Only if he stayed the night you begged him to, he would’ve known it all.

Your album was dedicated to Chris. No one knew expect you. No one could know anyways.

Stepping down the mini platform where you expressed you gratitude to the audience you made your way to where the bar was set up to drink in the emotions that were bubbling up your throat from all the love you received to the pain that still ached in every nerve in your body. It was impossible to erase the memory of him fucking Samantha from your head. You were proud to you say you tried. Tried every way of escaping his face haunting your dreams every night. The feelings choking you down. The pain eating you alive. But you couldn’t.

“What you said there was beautiful.” You heard the deep voice of the man who you left standing on the door of Boston an year ago. Turning your body around, mentally preparing yourself for the wave of mixed emotions to hit you like a truck you faced his adorningly beautiful face. His beard looked fuller and his hair fluffier. He looked the same but his eyes looked dead, just like they were when you left.

“Thank you.” You gave him a broken smile.

“Can we talk? Please?” He asked you with eyes full of hope and you nodded letting him guide you out to the balcony that had the perfect view of the city. He deserved some time with you after an year of you completely blocking him out. He deserved to know that the words coming out of your mouth in the song were written about him.

“It about you, you know. The album” You said walking over to the railing looking at the illuminous city.

“I figured, I never knew you were working on something so big.” He stood beside you.

“You would have if you stayed”

“Listen, I’m not going to waste any more time. Im here to beg you back in life, I am sorry for what I have done but please give me a chance. That one year spent without you was my living hell. Everyday I prayed for you to come back but you never did and there’s no question why. I am a horrible man but I promise if you let me prove it that I am so much better than I was I wont let you down. I will love you even more than I ever have” he said with a soft voice guilt dripping with every word he spoke making you turn around to face him. His eyes glistening with tears and his hands holding each other in front of his chest.

Man was literally begging you.

“Hey you are not a horrible man.” You whispered walking to him as you put his hands down and held his one cheek in your hand. He instantly nuzzled his nose feeling your skin after days of being away from you. His knees were giving away and so was his heart.

“We all make mistakes but learning from them and moving on is important. I forgave you the minute I stepped away from our relationship. You’re nothing but still the most precious man I ever had” you said. Your own eyes picking the tears.

“then give me a chance” he spoke kissing your palm staring down In your eyes making your belly turn in knots.

“I cant. I have moved on Chris” You said breaking his heart. He breathed out biting his lower lip as he looked on. He never felt so defeated and helpless. But this is what he deserved for throwing away the best he ever had. For not respecting the beautiful relationship and woman he was meant to guard. He opened his mouth but the lump in his throat got in the way. He could just break down.

“Then let me be your friend. I just want to be in your life. Make up for what I’ve missed. Please don’t say no.” He trembled in fear you would reject him but instead you nod your head and pull him in a hug knowing he would break if you didn’t. Still knowing him like the back of your head you gave in his request hoping you could contain the emotions.

It is said, two who once fell in love can never be friends. Once in love, always in love.

So you stood there holding him, closed your eyes letting the man calm his cries. Falling back in the chakra of tainted love.

-

Tags

@captainchrisstan

@evansphnx12

@adriannajackson

[that-tall-queer-bassist]

My personal Pros and Cons of my ADHD

Pros

-noticing all the little details and appreciating them in the fullest

-Emotional Dysregulation, because when I get a new plant, or find that one oddly shaped metal marble I lost a while ago, I am so excited it’s pathetic, but I love that feeling of pure joy.

-hyperfixation of the week/day/hour (i know some people describe it differently, let me be pls) . I usually switch between art mediums, and/or a few video games/social media sites. for example, I’ve been on tumblr for 3 hours as i write this, after not touching it for, i think a month?

-nuerodivergent friends. They’re just better.

-the ability to completely drown myself in information to ignore reality. Is it healthy? no. But i simply cannot handle another existiential crissi rn, so i will instead play minecraft while listening to alt rock playlists on youtube because getting spotify sounds like a lot of work.

-my ability to retain absolutely useless information, from either my, or my other nuerodivergent friends hyperfixations/special interests. I can explain to you in terrible formatting if it’s out loud, the evolution, history, training, anatomy and roles of the horse in our world, and how ao3 works, and what makes or breaks a fanfiction.

-Object Impermanence. When i literally hide myself a treat or surprise and forget about it, then get so excited when i do find/discover it again. I hide google questions, and/or song lyrics in my tabs :) its so fun. Also, hiding away stressors. Again, healthy? no, but i don’t feel like having anxiety all day, so whatever.

-Emotional Dysregulation, again. I can switch from sad or angry to happy and excited/content in a few seconds. It’s also great for getting my siblings out of their funk. ex., my sister is mad at me. I make a silly voice repeating what she said or cross my eyes at her. she laughs, then we can talk and have constructive conversation about why she shouldn’t get that upset about me “cutting off her reading time” when we share a room and I want to sleep, and know that she will be very tired tomorrow if she doesn’t also go to sleep. (We have this conversation almost every single night, i’m not even joking)

Cons

-Emotional Dysregulation. When i get upset, I’m Upset. Like, big time, ruining friendships and familial ties if i let it get out of hand, Upset. Yeah.

-Time Blindness. Constantly late, or early, or under or over estimating the amount of time it takes to do a thing, not eating til 4 because you forgot but you also should just wait til dinner, but now its 9 and I still haven’t eaten-

-Executive Dysfunction. I can’t do the things needed to function. Don’t have the mental energy to explain this one, so google it i guess? There’s a whole checklist of things you need to be able to do to function, and i can do like, three on a good day.

-Sleeping Trouble. People with adhd have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up. So, sleeping trouble. So I’m constantly tired.

-Internal Clock is SLIGHTLY OFF. Nuerotypicals have that normal sleep schedule. Adhd ers have it shifted forward by, i think, 2, 3 hours. So we go to sleep later, and wake up later, and that’s the only way to get a healthy amount of sleep. My entire family also eats dinner super late, which might be because we’re weird, but I suspect the inner clock thing cuz we all got adhd.

-Object Impermanance. I hid my math homework one time. I failed that class. 

-Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Never trying, or starting cuz I’m so terrified to get a bad reaction. Constantly masking around certain people to appeal to the few of my Nuerotypical friends. Or, y’know, majority of my extended family. They’re ableist. and homophobic. And transphobic. And racist. and sexist. The list goes on, but, yeah. Never coming out to them! :D

-Masking. It’s exhausting and I can only handle so much of it.

-Not Masking around nuerotypicals. The shoot down after finally revealing my true thoughts, urges, feelings, stims, etc. just sucks. Super disheartening. 

-Squirrel or shiny jokes when they’re made by people without adhd. Yes, I do get distracted by squirrels, and shiny things, and dice. Stop pointing it out, and/or putting me into yet another box of your labeling. 

-saying that I’m lazy, worthless, or a disaster when really it’s not helping. I already have that internal monologue, you adding to it and giving it some truth/extra ammunition is not. helping.

-Emotional Dysregulation. Again, because mood swings. like, I’m trying to be rightfully angry with you. Stop making me laugh with you’re silly faces or pointing out of a weird face someone made in a picture you took. 

-the stigma about the hyperactive subtype. I’m inattentive. I have No Energy. Ever. Sometimes i have restlessness, but there is still no energy. Stop portraying me as bouncing off the walls, especially with caffeine. Caffeine just catches my body speed up to my brain speed, settling me down a bit, at least mentally. 

-people not getting when i say I’m overstimulated, or need some time alone to process or re-energize, and following me, or continuing to do the overstimulating thing. I will literally. lose. my. mind.

-when people shut me down after I share something that is really important to me, or make fun of me for liking something an “abnormal” amount. Flashbacks to overnight camp, when whenever I said anything about horses, they said I had to do five squats, and when i got really excited about discussing the differences in riding styles/types with another person who really liked horses, but rode english, they said that it was obnoxious, when i was just.. excited to finally find someone to talk to and who felt the same way after, basically, years and years of no one getting it or wanting to listen or talking with me about the thing. To this day I don’t discuss horses with anyone, cuz it hurts so much remembering that, and the fear of it happening again is still there. 

-seeing other people be ashamed about their adhd and hesitant to mention until i talk, like, super openly about having it, in like, the first 5 minutes of knowing each other. It just.. hurts.

-I’m super empathetic, not in a way that’s helpful though. Like, wincing, or limping myself because I saw you drop something on your foot, and am imagining it so vividly that it feels like it happened to me. Reading a fic about abuse or depression, and it hitting too hard and hurting me almost physically, and on a personal level because I simply cannot handle it. Feeling someone else’s pain so vividly that i can’t comfort or help them in any way, because I am so preoccupied with  feeling their pain. 

-never being able to finish things without starting something else. All the WIPs in my google docs, istg, i will be driven insane by it. 

(y’know, this was kinda fun. As a rant, but also as a way for me to identify things about myself and my adhd that i like. Like, I know its so much shorter, but I have a hard time with positive self affirmation, so it was kinda nice. I might do it again, but just the pros part cuz the cons are kinda depressing ngl.)

(OH, Y’all should reblog with your own personal pros added on! You can add cons if you’d like to :) I’m just interested in seeing how your experiences/feeling differ from mine :) )

[luna-tiel]

What Entrapdak Means to Me

On the eve of Entrapdak Positivity Month, I thought it was as good a time as any to share my rambling thoughts on a ship that’s affected me in a way I didn’t think was possible. 

Entrapdak is the first ship I have ever been invested in. It’s such a new experience for me that it’s taken me the last few months to wrap my head around the whole thing. I may relate to the characters in a show, but when they form romantic attachments I view it with a degree of passive distance. I don’t understand what it’s like to have those sorts of feelings for someone (I am aromantic and ace as a brick), and, well, I’m honestly not curious enough to give the subject a thorough study. My mind tends to fixate on other things. 

What does this have to do with Entrapdak, you ask? Long story short for people who don’t want to read my meandering essay -- I relate a lot to these characters, and the way they bonded together struck a deep chord in me that I can’t ignore. 

Let’s start with the characters. I knew going in that Entrapta was neurodivergent-coded, but I took it with a grain of salt. When I actually watched the show, however, I found myself relating to her so deeply it shocked me. Never have I felt such a kinship with a fictional character! We don’t share every trait, but it was still like seeing my brain put to life on screen. I related to her enthusiasm over her special interests, her struggles to fit in, her desire to make friends who accept and understand her for who she is. 

The fact Entrapta is completely herself is something I love about her. Over the years of growing up undiagnosed, I developed a lot of masking strategies. Human psychology is one of my special interests, and even with all that accumulated knowledge, masking isn’t easy. It’s extremely mentally taxing. Masking can certainly look easy -- I can, when I have the drive and energy, “pass” as neurotypical, and only people who know me extremely well can tell I’m dying inside. All that effort is taken for granted by a lot of NTs because that’s how people are “supposed to” act, and surely I can “do the bare minimum.” The accumulated stress of near constant masking has led me to the darkest moments I’ve had in my life.

Entrapta’s struggle with leaving Beast Island hit me hard. It threw me back to a time when my feelings of isolation and worthlessness got so bad that I lost the energy to do anything, even the creative pursuits that were the obsession of my life. I retreated so deeply into my inner world that I hardly interacted with anyone. That total apathy shocked my family into getting me professional help, which gave me my autism diagnosis, the coping skills to move forward, and a good start on the road to self-acceptance. It also opened a channel between my family and I, allowing me to feel heard and understood. (An important side note on mental health: if you or someone you love needs professional help, please seek it! Sometimes you have to try out several therapists -- it took me three to find a good fit -- but you are worth it!)

It took me longer to realize, but I also relate to Hordak in some ways. Mercifully I was not raised in an extremist cult environment. However, I know what it’s like to feel defective next to a sibling that seems perfect. I was constantly being compared to my younger brother, and in all areas but art, he was superior. He was smart, athletic, and above all, he fit in with everyone. I didn’t hate him for this -- I hated myself. Trying to measure up to his standard is what caused me to develop such strong masking strategies. Underneath it all, I felt the despair of knowing my peers would reject me as soon as the mask cracked. I also live with chronic joint pain, starting at around age seven. The jury is still out on what’s causing that (the worst of it was due to a previously unknown food allergy, but the pain still comes and goes, even though it’s a lot more manageable than it used to be). This cocktail of pain, stress, and sensory issues I had to deal with gave me a very short fuse at times. 

As an aside, just because I sympathize with Hordak does not mean I am excusing his actions. He is still going to have to face the consequences of his choices, and work to adjust to life post-Prime. The series end gave him a new beginning, the opportunity to be redeemed, and I prefer this to a rushed redemption arc. 

What I love most about Hordak and Entrapta’s relationship is how they accept each other as they are. Hordak gives Entrapta near free reign of his sanctum, he listens to her when she talks, and he respects her opinions. Even when he pushes her away, he still considers the logic of what she tells him, and sometimes ends up doing things her way despite his initial instincts. This is something I do in my own life; I am easily overwhelmed by new information, so my initial response to an idea/activity is almost always a firm (and sometimes rude) “no,” until I have time to properly process and think about it. Hordak is the first person in Entrapta’s life that truly listens to her. He still has things he needs to work on, but it’s a lot better than how most of the princesses are with Entrapta. The Alliance treats her as someone to be managed -- she is useful, but unreliable. Hordak, in contrast, trusts her to get things done in her own way. 

On the other side, Entrapta is the first person in Hordak’s life to accept him without judgment. Hordak spends so much of his energy putting up a front of strength and intimidation, and Entrapta cuts right through that. She’s not frightened by his appearance, and even his outbursts have little effect on her until the two of them start to bond. Entrapta doesn’t come into their interactions with any preconceived ideas of what Hordak is like, or more importantly, what he should be like. This lack of expectation leaves her completely open to accepting whatever Hordak does and says, and it also relieves Hordak of the burden of needing to put on a front around her. When Entrapta sees him at his most vulnerable, she reaches out to him with compassion, something he has never felt before. Entrapta also does this in a way that doesn’t belittle Hordak. His imperfections are not something to pity, they are a valuable part of who he is. 

I loved watching their friendship develop. Entrapta and Hordak’s shared time together evolved slowly into a bond that gave each of them a sense of belonging they had never experienced before with anyone else. It gave me the hope that, despite what an oddball mess I am, perhaps I could find someone who understands me too. 

When a romance subplot inserts itself into a story, I tend to gloss over and ignore it (if I pick up on it at all). I’m even less interested in sex. Way back when I was first getting into fandom I was so excited to go online and meet fellow fans of the books and shows I liked, only to discover the spaces being dominated by arguments over character pairings. I was baffled. This is what people are most interested in? Oh well… back to the hermit cave I go! 

I was late to the party with SPoP. I’d watched a few episodes, but the show didn’t really hook me. This was partially because all I ever heard people talk about online was Catradora, and if that was the main appeal of the show, I wasn’t sure I would enjoy it (sorry Catradora shippers, romance is not going to entice me to watch a show, even if it’s rep). Quarantine was the ultimate cause for me embracing my curiosity and diving headfirst into SPoP, binging the entire thing a few months before the release of season 5.

I vaguely knew about Entrapdak as a ship going into the show, and I admit, had I not been primed for it, I probably would have missed the romantic potential entirely. In no way did I expect to become invested. I was immediately intrigued by their dynamic, and as they got closer, I found myself thinking “oh, I see why people ship these two.” I didn’t understand this realization until months later. I was relating to the characters, and for the first time in my life, I was relating to their relationship.

I headcanon Entrapta and Hordak as an asexual couple. I’ll elaborate on this at a later time (asexuality is a spectrum with a lot of nuance, and this post is plenty long already), but at the core of it, I find joy in imagining these characters in a loving platonic relationship, something I hope to find myself one day. I hope this love comes across in my artwork and in my fanfictions <3

To those of you that read this far, wow, you must be patient! Have an imaginary cookie! I hope this ramble has provided a decent picture for why I, as an aro ace on the autism spectrum, have come to cherish Hordak and Entrapta’s relationship. It’s my first and only OTP… I’m still in shock thinking about that… I guess we’ll see where things go from here!

Take care of yourselves out there!

[crystal-moon-101]

Dear me…

There’s a lot I wish I could tell you, about the things you’ll hear, see, feel and find. Things that will bring you joy, and things that will hurt you to your core. And in the end I want you to know I never meant to put you through all this, as I had good intentions, but they ended up being regretful decisions. But they were decisions that didn’t last forever, and while you’ll think back to them with sorrow in your heart, the past doesn’t make up our future, because the future will forever have opportunities to change for the better.

There will be many times where you’ll debate yourself, to question why you feel the way you do, and end up writing it off as you being dumb and overly sensitive. And because of this you will put yourself in situations that will hurt you, over and over again no matter how hard you try, because sometimes some things aren’t meant to be. Whether trying to connect with a person who won’t give you the love you deserve, or a dream that was never meant to be. It’s ok to let go, to search for other things, because you deserve better than what you thought you had to settle for. Those people who hurt you, you didn’t have to stick with them, because there are people out there who will appreciate you for you. Those goals you had that could never seem to come true, that’s ok, you’ll find new dreams and goals to follow, ones that more closely align with the real person you are. I know change may seem scary, because you’re scared to let go and never find anything again, but there will always be something waiting for you.

And you do have love already, your family is by your side, even if you don’t want to burden them. Your mother loves you to the ends of the earth, and will always cheer you on as you grow. Your father will always be watching out for you, wanting the best for you and to put a smile on your face. And your brothers share a strong bond with you that can never break, even as you all grow into your own people. There is no need to be afraid to ask them for love and help, because they’ll be quick to offer it the moment you cry out to them.

I know you’re afraid to be alone and forgotten, that you’ll mean nothing if you don’t give your entire self to people who can never be satisfied. But there’s nothing wrong with standing up and saying you deserve better, nothing wrong with having time alone to sort yourself out, before searching for people who will treat you as an equal. They’ll be hard to find, and it’ll take time, and even those you think would stay forever may not be there forever, but you will find those people, and will keep doing so through your life, because there are many people in this world, you just got to find the right ones, and learn to let go of the ones that couldn’t be what you needed.

Your self worth and self love will start to tumble down, and your view on your placement in this world will start to crack and crumble. I can’t stop what will happen, it was our flaw and darkest time, but I can tell you to hang in there, because you’re far stronger than you think. Back then you didn’t believe you could be happy again, that you could be loved, find a place, believe and trust faith, find that passion for your art, and figure out your placement. I know if someone told you who’d you be in a few years time, you would have thought they were crazy. But that you, that one who knows better and keeps trying everyday, learning to love herself and the world again, will come one day, you just need time, hard work and patience.

It’s ok to admit you’re not ok, to say you’re not happy and need help, because that doesn’t make you weak and worthless, it makes you strong as it means you haven’t given up, and want to still keep fighting. Because at the end of the day you hold more power than you think, power that lets you decide your life, because you’re the only one who can change it. You could have lay down in the dark and given into those demons in your head forever, could have wallowed in your own pity and pain, could have left this world the moment it went down hill, but you won’t, because you’ll come to find that you can change for the better, and make those choices that are right for you. It won’t be easy, and take a long time, even a part of you may forever regret, but you’ll get there, I know you can.

You’ve got a future waiting for you, where you’ll find new people waiting to show you love, new passion and confidence for your art you thought meant nothing, a new path when you had lost your footing for years, and a new self respect that lets you know what you deserve in life, and what you need to do to get it.

You will have to let go of many things, and hardships aren’t over forever in life. You will still lose people, I know I will eventually, you will have bad days, because you’re only human. I must be honest to you about the bad, but as long as you keep going and learning from it all, the good will far outweigh the bad, and your mistakes can be your greatest tools for learning. You’re trying your hardest out there, in this big scary world, so take it easy on yourself. 

I’m still pretty nervous about my future in many ways, still worry about the bad that appears in life, but I’m able to hold myself and stand strong now, and you’ll be amazed by the strength and courage you had all along. You will hear from people that will say it was luck, you getting special treatment, or you were overreacting at the start, but you’ll find they are wrong, for it was your strength, determination, and hard work that will get you where you need to go.

I know you’ll feel like your inner demons are the only ones in the entire world true, the only ones right while you go around helping others and saying theirs are false. But you eventually have to understand that your demons aren’t special or different, they’re the same as everyone else’s in that they are liars, mere voices in your head that will push and pull you and act like they have so much power over you. But in reality those inner demons trick you because they are scared, knowing the only person who can defeat them is yourself. You’ll raise your sword of bravery, your shield of reason and logic, and armour of love and support to battle these wars in your head, but as long as you keep going you can win the war, even if you don’t win today’s battle.

You just have to start reaching out and asking for help, to start getting up and doing something about your life, to say no to the wrong, and welcome the better things you deserve. Yes, you don’t do all of this right away, it will take time and it won’t feel like it’s working for a long time, but keep it up and you’ll start to see the bits and pieces of that bright future waiting for you.

So in the end I say learn to let go, learn to do the hard work, learn to accept the past and turn to the future, learn to use mistakes to guide you, and learn to love yourself over time every chance you get.

You mean something, you have worth, and it’s up to you to find it. You can and you will, and it’ll mean so much when you find it. You’ll be a bright person full of love, someone who understands the bad in the world, and reach your hand out to others to let them know they’re not alone in the shadows, you’ll be exploring so much, yet being wise and logical with the reality you’ve come to understand. You can’t be perfect, but you can be you, which is frankly much more special than you ever know.

Just be you, and keep fighting. The bad won’t last forever, and there’s a lot waiting for you during this walk of life.

Love, your future self  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGfawtmZBbk

[hotforhandman]

Are the Villains “right”?

Okay, so I was scrolling through the bnha spoilers tag whilst procrastinating work and I’m really not living for the vibes there. My biggest issues fall into two main camps: “this arc is going to be the end of the League”, and “Villain stans are hypocrites with no reading comprehension for condemning the Heroes’ behaviour”, and I believe both of these statements can be addressed simultaneously, whilst also giving me a convenient excuse to not write. So without further ado,

Part 1: Themes

Right from the very beginning of the series, literally the first line, one thing is made blatantly clear: This series is not going to be about good guys and bad guys. “All men are not created equal” is not a line that implicates an inherent divide between good and evil, unless you’re an actual eugenicist. And pretty much every important character is designed to criticise a different aspect of the established system.

Izuku: The Quirkless are worthless. Not explicitly, but... everyone knows it. 

Bakugou: If you have a good Quirk, you are praised and treated as special, and as a consequence you’re never expected to learn and grow as a person. 

Shoto: Dedicating your entire life to becoming strong to the detriment of your own health is the best way to climb to the top. 

All Might: You don’t have to worry about anything. A Hero will save you. 

Shinsou: If you have a Villain’s Quirk, you’re going to be a Villain, no matter the quality of your personality. 

Kirishima: If you’re not flashy, there’s no point even trying.

Hawks: Similar to Shoto, if you show natural promise then it’s acceptable to groom you as a weapon. 

I’m sure there are others that I’ve missed. Each of these characters’ individual developments have been focused around them overcoming these ingrained ideas and growing and succeeding despite them - with the exception, perhaps, of Hawks. So if several of the major Hero characters are designed to illustrate and criticise the established system, what about the villains? I guess if the Heroes are stories about people succeeding despite what the world tells them, then the Villains are stories about what happens when they don’t. 

Spinner: Mutants are second-class citizens and should be treated as such. 

Toga: If your Quirk is considered to be bad or gross, then you should be punished for wanting to use it. 

Twice: The world won’t make space for your special needs. 

Magne: If you don’t fit the mould of what people want you to be, you won’t be respected.

And Shigaraki: It’s not our responsibility to help you. If you weren’t saved, that must mean you’re not worth saving. 

The one thing that both the Heroes and the Villains have in common is that they are tools to show the audience the flaws in BNHA’s society. It’s canon that Quirks appeared suddenly, and though by the time BNHA is set in, society has tried to adapt to fit it and is making some progress towards being functional, it’s clear that it has a long, long way to go, because it’s failing so many people. (Draw some parallels to real life, hm?). BNHA’s overarching themes of individual worth not being more important than collective good and how rules and structure created in good will can result in a lot of pain and abuse are, first and foremost, exemplified in the characters themselves. I like to tell people who find Shigaraki’s motivations vague and uncompelling that Shigaraki doesn’t need to have a point, he is the point, and this is exactly the reason why. 

I also believe that this is primarily why for Horikoshi to end the League here would be, frankly, terrible writing. We have engaged with the LOV more than pretty much any other Shonen villain group I can think of, almost any villain group at all. We’ve seen them develop as much as we’ve seen the heroes develop, especially in Shigaraki’s case, and to have Shigaraki only be their ‘first-year villain’ or whatever would be disrespectful, wasteful, and thematically inappropriate. To have a more classic, pre-developed villain whose villainy seems to stem from some inherent evil characteristic like AfO or Overhaul would ultimately defeat the story of how the worst villains are created by flaws in the system, not born. 

Part 2: Fan Response

Sometimes I can’t believe I still have to reiterate this to people, but it is possible to stan a character whilst simultaneously recognising that they are flawed, often critically so. When did we move from adoring villains to saying if you like this character you must be an inherently bad person because of this list of bad things they did? 

The thing is that the vast majority of ‘opinions’ on fan blogs are... poorly thought out and shallow, to put it lightly. When it’s 2am and I’m answering an ask about my opinions on x plot point, it’s not gonna be well thought out and thoroughly researched. I’m probably a bit tipsy, kind of tired, and just typing out whatever my initial response is. And really, if I reblog a bit of art with the caption ‘Shigaraki did nothing wrong’, do you really think I’m being serious? A lot of what we say is hyperbolic and meant to either be funny or to evoke an emotion, not because we actually believe it. 

That being said, the League in particular, I believe, resonates with a lot of people in the current political climate. A group of outcasts with characteristics considered undesirable by the wider population coming together and genuinely caring about one another whilst they aim to completely eradicate the system that hurt them? As an angry, marginalised leftist in a society that seems increasingly determined to wipe my chances at a good life out without blinking an eye, hell yeah that resonates with me. Being able to crumble the cripplingly complex and morally vile system I live in to dust and starting over is one hell of an appealing power fantasy. Does that mean I think murder is okay? Obviously not. It’s a fantasy. If there’s one place where I can live out those fantasies without consequences, it’s here. In fiction. And so it seems really stupid to me to be confronted with the idea that if I like a fictional violent radical I’m accused of condoning murder and kidnapping. 

Part 3: Are the Heroes right?

So a lot of the posts I saw that aggravated me were framed like 'how can the villain stans think Miruko and Gran Torino's behaviour is worse than Shigaraki's?', but like... who was saying that?

I feel like certain people's views of the heroes versus villains debate falls under the same fallacies as a lot of political arguments- that is to say, if I'm criticising one side, I must be defending the other. Which is... just blatantly untrue. When we say that the heroes' consistent dehumanisation of a man who is, first and foremost, a victim of significant grooming and abuse throughout his life, is gross and cruel, and that this attitude is mirrored in an awful lot of the hero-villain interactions implying a certain level of empathetic alienation and lack of accountability, we're not saying they shouldn't be trying to take Shigaraki down. Of course they should, he's going to decimate hundreds of thousands of innocent lives. But, like, does that mean they're exempt from all criticism? Should we be excusing the cruel and dismissive attitudes of the heroes and ignoring the behaviours of their side that lead to further 'villainisation' of marginalised people just because they're responsible for saving lives? No. Because once again, one of the key themes of BNHA is that neither side is perfect, and neither side is right.

Mass murder is wrong. So is systemic cruelty towards the oppressed. You don't have to approve of one to criticise the other. So next time you see one of those posts and jump to the conclusion that villain stans have no reading comprehension, pls remember these points.

Anyway, that's my little rant. Sorry.

Tl;dr, villain stans aren't stupid or glorifying murder, we're just capable of criticising more than one type of bad behaviour.