#just the wrong words in the right order
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I hope yall know I am never not thinkin about ponyboy post canon havin yet another fight with Darry n just on some anger n instinct n feelin he can't explain hittin him n realizin oh. God. is that all it takes?
#just the wrong words in the right order#pony who maybe never stopped feeling some deep deep resentment for darry hittin him#getting so mad he makes it physical#n darry doesnt fight back#just this silent unspoken horror#n it doesnt make it right#for either of them#but jesus christ#pony gets it#n darry feels somehow even worse#because god#did he teach him that?#cause he knows their parents sure didnt#UGH#they day i buckle down n actually write this its OVER#the outsiders#ponyboy curtis#darry curtis
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me and the Girlies (gn) about to make some objectively fucking terrible decisions in DATV:
#i have an terrible urge to make the worst choices possible right away just to see how bad it can get#like ripping off a bandaid or setting a bone#just fuck me up#i can feel better after#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#DA4#DA:V#DA:TV#solas#solavellan#egg disaster#p.s. don't nightblog or you'll put words in the wrong order
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Shockingly I named some OCs recently and fleshed out the deity lore a bit for my "guess i'll marry the demon lord?" plot.
Solei has existed since near the start but Mehra and Valdas are new to the concept and all three? Petty. They're technically the Trio of Peace cause that's kinda their goal and duty to their world but really, Trio of Pettiness is suitable as well.
#my characters#they all have a petty dislike for reynold and reynold is blissfully unaware that mehra even exists to dislike him#most of his interactions outside of the demons are with solei#also for mehra its important to note that she really is affinity! not affection! she doesnt have any interest in love/affection#all she needs is for affinities to remain neutral at worst and positive at best#solei plays off of that by making sure the affinities between races are all the same wavelength#and that is why when sascha (the demon lord) tries to gather all the demons to keep them close and protect#she gets the wrong idea that he is gathering an army to fight since thats what the previous demon lord had done#which is why the demons got spread out a bit and sascha basically has to collect them again#valdas is all about order and balance and hes always right dont you DARE say hes wrong#his word and his thoughts are law to him and therefore should be law to all#he seems incredibly stubborn and he will be a little more forceful but if you can state your case to him#and he can logically see he is factually in the wrong ? he will not admit it out loud but he will change his ways immediately#he has a strong sense of justice its just not always the best for all (which is where solei comes in and has to help rarely)#mehra refuses to interact with the demons and reynold because while her ties to affinity for her world are important#she knows the demons dont hate the gods/goddesses and thats enough for her!#but also mehra and valdas have a natural dislike for reynold due to him not even being from their world which creates bumps#to both affinities (demons adore this one human now) and order (theres literally a human married to the demon lord which has never happened#solei doesnt like reynold and would LOVE to smack him upside the head sure but valdas is the one that would actively throw hands with him#valdas despises him so much for very petty reasons#the reason isnt listed above but thats fine im tired bye
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there is no game that makes me feel like I'm the only one who's right about it than elden ring
#when i see reddit or twitter or tumblr theories or some shit#like 80% of the time im sitting there like amazing. everything word of what you just said is wrong#20% of the time im like no youre so right youre so based i have a crush on you#my MOST outlandish theory is that messmer and melina are children on marika and the gloam eyed queen. AT LEAST melina is#(btw absolutely heartbroken there werent even CRUMBS of the godskins nor the GEQ in the dlc)#(like the GEQ's death was a catalyst for marika's golden order to form)#i like know that elden ring is super obscure and vague with what it tells you but there are fr some people who wholeass dont know#that miquella=st. trina#or that before the dlc even happened miquella/st trina was shown to be manipulative and flighty#bouncing between one thing and the other#of course he would parallel his mother#and there are STILL people who think Malenia's 3rd bloom hasnt happened like.........#there's one in her and radahn's showdown. one on the way to the haligtree roots. and the final one is during her battle w you#like in her boss fight she turns into the goddess of rot. what is wrong with you guys. what more do you need#glad everyone agreed on mohg beating the allegations tho👍#elden ring#shadow of the erdtree#shadow of the erdtree spoilers#elden ring sote#sote spoilers#spoilers
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choose your fighter: ichikuu lyrics edition
#vee queued to fill the void#do you like know how surreal my life as an ichikuu fan has been these past four weeks lmao#like i’ve been watching an ichikuu renaissance be borne right before my very eyes lol#i wake up to so much ichikuu art now ppl coming out of the woodworks saying they watched the movie and loved them#long time fans of both the ship and hypmic wanting to be more open about like ichikuu it’s so magical i literally can’t comprehend it lmao#like i see all these analyses and comments and my brain just can’t process it lmao#but then i look at the lyrics in last man standing and honestly???? i think i understand where everyone is coming from LOL#1) is the stage 2) is drb➕ and 3) is just one of many fantastic lyrics in last man standing LOL#like i may not turn to the stage for ichiro and kuukou’s relationship but holy shit what a verse lmao (⬅️ just posted fanart about)#number is lowkey the kick off lmao like GOD LMAO THE WAY THEY TOOK THAT BAD ASS LINE AND ACTUALLY TIED IT TO KUUKOU#ITS STILL JUST ONE OF MY FAVE ICHIKUU MOMENTS JUST THAT THEY FCKING DID THAT LMAO#🙏🙏🙏 and then 3) should be a kuukou verse based on the order of the battle#the tokai line is the line you take when using the shinkansen to go from tokyo (ikebukuro) to nagoya#so kuukou’s saying they’ll go beyond what connects them/their cities#and i desperately wanted to leave ‘let’s smash it all night long’ as more obvious innuendo lmao#but i decided to at least retain some of the battle connotation that word seems to have#(despite the rest of the lyrics in this verse pointing to it being an innuendo LOL)#i really gotta reiterate lmao this is so crazy to me when once upon a time ago#i was so scared to point to any of ichiro’s traits as something he’d picked up from kuukou#like i was so worried i was reading ichiro wrong bc i didn’t know if kuukou was allowed to be that important to ichiro#and here they are………!!! here they are……………..!!!!!!!!!
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if i had a nickel for every time a 2000s show with jared padalecki goes from being a comfort show to being unwatchable for my sister and i then i would have two nickels etc
#everyone talks about gilmore girls being the perfect autumnal show well they don’t understand what it’s like to be obsessed with it growing#up and be soooo excited for a revival to right the wrongs of the later seasons bad writing only for it to be so laughably bad it’s#borderline unbelievable. or something like that#for my sister it was when she forced me to watch supernatural in order to justify myself as a destiel fan and show her what she missed.#well she saw the truth and also morphed from a hardcore deangirl to more of a samgirl which. with my casgirl self had devastating#consequences re: ever watching the show again. what am i saying just words
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Do you think he realizes that this implies all humans are female?
#'at conception' my dude nobody produces reproductive cells at conception.#sex doesn't start developing until a few weeks into pregnancy#'well the sex chromosomes are determined at conception' which don't always result in the respective sex organs developing :)#also this specifies it as whether they 'produce the large/small reproductive cell.' which isn't determined at conception.#and some people never develop either reproductive cell. are they neither male or female?#i was also amused by the phrasing of 'immutable biological sex.' ah yes biology. very much known for producing clean and immutable results.#have any of these people actually like. spoken to a biologist?#'its third grade biology' maybe you should have attended a biology class after third grade. there is more. it doesn't end at third grade.#i hold some hope in the fact that i don't know how well this is going to hold up in practice. there's so many holes and blatant errors.#you'd think if they were to pass an executive order about this they could've at least put some thought into how it is worded.#a lot of it is just like 'these words mean this' and it's like. okay? who asked?#do you think people read executive orders for guidance on what is right or wrong like it's the Bible?#'man and boys mean male' okay👍. I don't care.
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aaaand a ranni meme made the front page of reddit time to seethe forever.
loveless marriage????
LOVELESS MARRIAGE???????
DID WE EVEN PLAY THE SAME GAME?????
DO STRAIGHT CIS MEN JUST NOT KNOW WHAT LOVE EVEN IS?????
Ranni is so down bad for the Tarnished from the beginning that even fucking SELUVIS notices, my fucking god
#LOVELESS MARRIAGE???? LOVELESS MARRIAGE?????#ARE YOU BLIND AND DEAF AS WELL AS DUMB AND JUST PLAIN STUPID??????#should i add thee to the list? another kind of heart#as kind of heart as they?#...Ach. this form hath loosened my tongue. I've let slip too much. Forget what thou hast heard. *Forget.*#beautifully fought. 'twas more difficult than i envisioned. my thanks. now i can finally stand before them.#this is farewell#my dear#tell blaidd and iji... i love them#so it was thee who would become my lord#perhaps i neednt have warned thee#i am pleased however; thou'rt a fitting choice#i go now to the night sky it is there i shall find mine order#i bid thee travel the path of lord#and once all is done#we shall see each other#once more#wouldst thou come to me even now?#my one and only lord?#let us go together#my dear consort eternal.#mooost of that was done from memory but i did check the wiki for some wordings and hilariously the wiki is wrong for some while im right#robins eldring tag
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I talk a lot about teaching and all the good parts of it and the powerful parts of it and it’s all true and also there is something so deeply messy and ugly and raw and painful about the real life exchange of it all and how much I just put myself on the line to communicate a truth and how little I get given back in any tangible or metaphysical way.
#wrong use of the word metaphysical but I can’t think of the right one so it will just have to do#if I had certainty that it was doing good then I would take any lack of recompense#but you don’t get certainty. that’s just part of the deal#you just get ingratitude and flatness and boredom and also the knowledge that you’re stupid if you expected any different!#yes yes all the good stuff i say is real#but this part of it is real too! I am really struggling with it at the moment#I wish there was a way to wrangle my expectations and get them in order#and just take what I get as par for the course#because it literally is#I also wish there was a way for me to be more professional in my actual profession#And I am not unprofessional#but I guess every time I’m going to want to put it all on the line even for the smallest chance of changing someone’s mind or heart#but like. Truly sometimes it’s just like—-but i don’t know that it’s wise or worth it to do it#Or if it’s doing any good at all#like truly I don’t mean it in a whiny way#Well a little bit lol#But I also just mean: who knows? Who can say for sure? Not me.#there’s not any guarantee. And also I’m sure some of the methods I use could use work. I’m sure in the grand scheme of things I don’t know#what I’m doing!! anyway I’m so so sad#and it has been a hard week!#it will pass. as will the feeling I’m sure#thanks for listening#teaching tag
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save me local historical attraction
local historical attraction save me
#In the few days I’ve been gone I’ve applied for about twenty jobs and bookmarked a bunch of used cars and listed 7 items on eBay#Suddenly I’m productive again…#…disturbingly productive in fact#More productive than someone without executive dysfunction. I can clean and organize and read long paragraphs at will#alternating for an hour or two at a time all day long#On the downside I seem to have lost some of my musical ability.#I can’t play through songs I was capable of playing flawlessly just a week ago#I’m making weird unhinged mistakes on the recorder I’ve never made in my 11.5 years of playing#Like hitting the low C so it squeaks and reversing the order in which notes are played#or playing notes that are straight up wrong that I’d never mistake for the correct notes in a hundred years#Also I’ve noticed that when I go into a grocery store I tend to be way more spacey than usual#(staring without blinking at fluorescent lights#having a delayed comprehension of words spoken to me#feeling the need to lean heavily on the cart and walking around aimlessly in kind of a daze etc. etc.)#My speech has been getting progressively worse as well. I know what I mean to say but the words will not come to me#Hopefully I’m not headed towards a meltdown and its horrible week-long hangover lmfao#That would suck ass#Omg I just remembered I have that icepack mask thing#Yeah#gonna use that right now LOL
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What is the universe cooking today?
#my kingdom ;; ooc#vent //#negative //#deadnaming //#so i didn't get my groceries the order was cancelled and refunded#which means i wont get food and i wont have money for potentially A Few Days so#nothing to really eat for days now thanks to that#and to top it off my housemate is on a deadnaming spree despite my many corrections#that it absolutely positively feels intentional i'm fucking SEETHING RIGHT NOW#wrong pronouns and all i'm just. oh my rage cannot be put into FUCKIN WORDS#whatever i just gotta. find some shit to do to calm the hell down i guess#sorry if i'm not on much today that. well needless to say i feel like hot garbage and lava
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what a crazy ass mfing bday this year 🤦♂️
WHAT is happeningggg???
#clown horn#wHAT is happening lately. what is happening today?!#i'm sleep deprived bc my sleep schedule has been bonkers these past few days#work has been.... well. work.#we're prepping for memorial day sales and e v e r y t h i n g that can go wrong is going wrong#bc of course it is!#and then JUST now in the middle of my therapy appt (that i was late to bc of technical difficulties)#some random little girl showed up in my driveway asking for me and wishing me a happy bday???????????#huh????? 😦#she claimed that she was my sister when i asked her who she was but i couldn't interrogate her further bc. well#again-- i was in the middle of a zoom call with my therapist right then#i dipped back in to tell my therapist and she also shared my reaction but then she asked me#if i wanted to get that little girl's number bc if she was indeed my sister then... well yeah it'd be good to connect. i guess?#mind you i have never seen this kid a day in my life. i SUPPOSE she could've been family#i mean she clearly knew who i was and-- creepily enough-- where i lived#but by the time i got back outside. she was gone 🧍♂️#so i'm currently just sitting here all loopy from sleep deprivation just... dumbfounded#i am truly at a loss for words#part of me wants her to come back? but part of me also doesn't tbh bc if she's related to my bio mom#then i want absolutely nothing to do with them#IF it is indeed my bio mother stalking me again is2g i'm having my camera at the ready and i'm filing YET ANOTHER restraining order on that#bc what the actual fuck#i hope it isn't her but i also have. so. many. questions#i'm so confused???? and why tf would she send a literal child to my doorstep instead of meeting me herself.#even my own therapist was like. what the hell is your life bro 😭 your life is like a movie#and i'm like yeah i guess it fucken is!!! 😵💫#and how absolutely ironic that in the middle of a therapy session where i'm trying to process and get thru#19 mfing years of abuse and neglect from my very own mother#this lil girl suddenly interrupts that session and drops the bomb that she is... my sister. apparently.#right as i'm in the middle of talkin abt family trauma 🗿 again. what is happening.
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Some of the books I’ve read: for meditation you can play relaxing music to get in the right mindset
Me for some fucking reason: trøllabundin or recordings of reconstructed Paleolithic instruments
#emma posts#I’m not even kidding when I say trøllabundin gets my brain in the right state#I looked up the lyrics in English the other day and was like ‘wow. it’s fitting too’#I only know a couple words in Norwegian though so it was funny to listen to it and be like ‘yooo! I recognize that word!’#and it’s literally just the word ‘me’#and the people who said that Norwegian speakers are the best at understanding Swedish and danish than the others are at understanding#each of the other three were so real for that#I’ve been learning Norwegian very slowly and I tried to learn Swedish as well and I was faster at it after Norwegian#but I decided not to do it at the same time because I kept using the wrong spelling#my plan has been Norwegian then Swedish and then Icelandic#because that appeared to be the easiest order for English speakers#and weirdly enough learning about proto germanic has made it easier to learn Norwegian???#my language journey with stuff I’ve been trying to learn after I graduated has been… interesting#also I’m so glad that I got a foundation built for Spanish while I was still in school because oh man#it’s easier than a completely unrelated language. but harder than a more recent relative#please don’t ask me to have a conversation in Spanish though#I haven’t actually had to do that in years and I know I need to brush up on it if I ever hope to do that
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‘I'm so sorry for what happened to you!’ says a part of what happened to me.
‘I'm so sorry for what those people did to you!’ — you’re not ‘those people’, you are you, and you're doing the ‘what’ right now.
‘Omg people can be so horrible!’ — yes, you can be, and so lacking in self-awareness.
When you were trained to think of everything in black and white, you start seeing yourself as a ‘good person’ and start believing that everything you as a ‘good person’ do or have the potential to do is always good, and that you are never the villain. But humans do not work that way.
#atmposts#tbh by this point I think I deserve a medal for every instance of me being polite#and keeping my composure with them.#they never ever see/realize. they are surrounded by so many cameras that they lost the capacity to look into a mirror. much less inside.#This particular one was a double BINGO!#thinking that 'personal' only ever pertains to 'romantic relationships' and sex acts — check#the casual mentioning of imaginary lovers in order to 'impress' because to them everything is about social comparison — check#“Buddy's only crime was thinking we are cool!!!” XD — check. “Maybe a bit less sugar next time.” — check. Untreated — check.#capitalistic self-deprecation paired with 'here's how I could get better but I'm not self-aware enough to notice my own words' — check#BINGING a subtext-heavy reference-heavy source and never getting Curious — check.#astonished that visceral non-posturing art felt gripping and was a gut punch when all she usually “reads”(consumes) is slop content — check#believing that I would be flattered when what I actually got was a ruined day and more existential horror — check#rushing to note that there's nothing wrong with slop content while not understanding the source of that teensy aching guilt — check#me knowing for certain that it's another one of the 'you inspired me! (to do a shitty facsimile)' hallucinator of 'wriTeR spAceS' — check#FOMO-begging for something private when the public goodie “the same but in x3 better English” is right there — check#saying “I don't read” to [a professional who suffered burnout and subsequent suicidality because people don't read] — check#zero media literacy and zero desire to learn and zero understanding of how depressing that is — check#commodification of a human — MEGA CHECK-A-ROO-NIE WOOOOO!#me feeling despair and wanting to die upon reading — check. If I was alone I'd be long dead tbh time to face it.#This was another instance of me being “so polite it scares me” and wishing I was an ape and not self-conscious#well at least I've learned to be polite to these walking despair-inducers? right?#and pointedly say the right things to each so they wouldn't bother me again? right?#even though a lot of these things aren't what I actually want to say? ... siiiiiiiigh#Maybe I should give up and stop hoping that another friend would ever come along#and then just fully crawl into a desk drawer so to speak.#Recently a new friend did come along so I guess I need to try and hold on to that#but it's so damn hard and is starting to feel futile.
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Ok, let me put it this way.
Jews are from the fertile crescent.
The Jewish people began in the fertile crescent.
As in, there are 7,000-year-old archaeological sites in Israel with big piles of kosher bones.
Jews are indigenous to the fertile crescent.
As in, Jews are a distinct cultural group that developed there long before colonization. And whose diaspora maintained its cultural ties to the land.
Zion is one of the Hebrew nicknames for the land of Israel.
Jews were writing poetry about longing to "return to Zion" 2,600 years ago, after the Babylonian Empire invaded.
There's a daily prayer (actually a thrice-daily prayer) Jewish people have said ever since, begging for the diaspora to return.
The prayer itself was originally standardized to help us keep the Jewish diaspora together, culturally, instead of fracturing into a bunch of tiny spin-off cultures and disappearing.
Jews under Greco-Roman occupation 1,957 years ago staged a revolution and minted coins that said, "For the Liberation of Zion."
I'm writing this during Passover, the annual week-long Jewish holiday that has always included the phrase, "Next year, in Jerusalem!"
That's maintaining cultural and historic ties to the land.
Zionism is a Jewish word for the Jewish people's yearning to return to indigenous self-determination.
Zionists are from the fertile crescent.
Zionists are indigenous to Israel.
(for those of you who have heard of evangelical Christians saying they're Zionists: no, I know, and please can someone ask them to stop? It's creepy!!)
Appendix A: Would Everyone Please Stop Misusing The Z Word?!
Gentiles normally have no exposure to the term "Zionism," because it's not a part of their culture.
So it's been really easy for extremist groups to spread memes like, "Israel as a country is inherently evil, and the Jews who support it being inherently evil are called Zionists."
I've been told that Zionism means fascism, racism, genocide, white supremacy, and, most recently, manifest destiny.
The way you can tell this is sus -- besides actually seeing what the people who call themselves Zionists say about what it means, (and again, I mean BESIDES my younger sister-in-law and her weird megachurch)
-- is that if Zionism means genocide, or fascism, or whatever? THERE'S ALREADY A WORD FOR THAT. It's "genocide," or "fascism."
Nobody needs a special word that means, "Genocidal Jews."
Appendix B: I Forgot I Need The Disclaimer For The People Who Will Read This In Bad Faith
I support an independent Palestinian state.
I am not arguing AGAINST an independent Palestinian state.
Every Zionist I know of supports an independent Palestinian state.
And the ones in Israel, who often live and work and hang out with Palestinians, fight for it more effectively than anyone in the West does.
I know a lot of people have framed October 7th as some kind of inspiring uprising by an oppressed indigenous group. Because that's how Hamas tries to frame itself when it's not busy absolutely crushing actual activism.
(And, hopefully, because many people don't know what October 7th actually looked like.)
With that rhetoric being so fucking common online, people are GONNA read "Palestinians are not indigenous to Palestine, they're indigenous to Saudi Arabia," or "Jews are indigenous to Israel," as "Palestinians should get kicked out."
Palestinians deserve safety, and self-determination, and democratically elected leaders who give them a voice, so they can build the state they want.
op turned off reblogs on this post for safety reasons but gave me permission to repost it because it's an important message.
#listen i can't explain why it's creepy BUT IT JUST IS#i mean it's partly that half of them are incredibly EARNEST about it while also giving reasoning that is very inaccurate#i am related to a whole lot of evangelical literalists or whatever you call them and their politics are lethal to me on sooooo many levels#and the other half just think they need Israel to exist in order to have the End Times happen#i am very busy and i do not have time for rivers of molten lava right now#i don't remember what's in revelations olay#*okay#i just remember reading that the whole thing is a political parody of stuff that already happened#also yes i do feel like they make us look bad lol#just everyone stop using our words#or at least!! stop using them wrong!!!
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the solution to social anxiety is...to socialize...see the dilemma
#i am embarrassed of this#plus the general anxiety#the ‘you can’t even make a phone call/order at the counter’ thing people say like yeah#embarrassing but also i DO do that i DO make phone calls and talk to people#because it’s necessary and i can’t get around it#it’s just that afterwards i’m shaking and anxious and feeling like i did wrong and i have to tell myself chill out it’s over you DIDNT do#anything wrong#even if you don’t talk right and stutter and forget the words and say the wrong thing and are awkward which. happens#i can’t hear/understand people a lot either which doesn’t help#i’m also scared to leave the house. i’m better now but i still get...yeah.#the solution to a fear of going outside is to go outside WHO INVENTED THIS?#anyway yeah it’s embarrassing when people have way more problems than me#(edit i mean like. there are people who have real problems vs me who’s life is fine so idk why i’m like this)#i don’t even know if i was anxious talking to that customer like i wasn’t panicking in my head in my head i was figuring out how to tell her#off without making it worse lmaoo but the anxiety was underneath and giving me a physical reaction. sigh anyway
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