#plus the general anxiety
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the solution to social anxiety is...to socialize...see the dilemma
#i am embarrassed of this#plus the general anxiety#the ‘you can’t even make a phone call/order at the counter’ thing people say like yeah#embarrassing but also i DO do that i DO make phone calls and talk to people#because it’s necessary and i can’t get around it#it’s just that afterwards i’m shaking and anxious and feeling like i did wrong and i have to tell myself chill out it’s over you DIDNT do#anything wrong#even if you don’t talk right and stutter and forget the words and say the wrong thing and are awkward which. happens#i can’t hear/understand people a lot either which doesn’t help#i’m also scared to leave the house. i’m better now but i still get...yeah.#the solution to a fear of going outside is to go outside WHO INVENTED THIS?#anyway yeah it’s embarrassing when people have way more problems than me#(edit i mean like. there are people who have real problems vs me who’s life is fine so idk why i’m like this)#i don’t even know if i was anxious talking to that customer like i wasn’t panicking in my head in my head i was figuring out how to tell her#off without making it worse lmaoo but the anxiety was underneath and giving me a physical reaction. sigh anyway
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Looking cute af in my psychiatrist's office today 💅
#cherchezlafatfemme#Didn't intend to be in Maya Kern everything but they're just all my favorites 😂#fatshion#Plus size fashion#Fat fashion#OOTD#Outfit of the day#What's fun is when I went in to do the usual 'the meds still working? ' 'yup still working' 'ok see you in six months' thing#My psych asked if I'd been feeling heightened anxiety or depression#And I went 'yeah but mostly about the US election and Palestine and the general state of things and I don't think that's my brain's fault'#And she goes 'nope that's understandable I'm there too do you need any med adjustments or help processing or are you ok' she's so good
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fantastic foursome return?????
i feel like pj would be the only one up for that but in a perfect world......
#like chris just does not like phannies cause he has bad anxiety surrounding fans in general#and we're um. a lot#and i feel like dnp are like eh been there done that#plus i don't think chris and dnp have spoken in yearrrrssss#pj would probably jump on that though#i feel like he'd enjoy it#id say the chances are low#but hey stranger things have happened#answered
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I think when I was 15 i was genuinely experiencing psychosis it’s kinda fucked up nobody did anything about that like my ass should’ve been getting medicated or smth
I do think that’s what made my mom start taking my issues more seriously tho so at least there’s that lol
#thinking about how she acted over my anxiety pre and post being 15 and the difference is staggering#like she was always sympathetic to an extent but she stopped being as blunt and forcing me I#into things after that#plus just my other shit in general like she said we could#go to my sisters doctor and look into getting some stuff diagnosed#like autism anxiety etc a few days ago
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hoooome! i'm not feeling the greatest emotionally so i might keep off the dash for a bit, just chew on drafts & touch grass (or bake somethin sweet !!) to remind myself that internet social anxiety is natural bc we weren't designed for such constant public interpersonal contact without physical connection JKSDJKDSH mwah mwah. salutes. ON A BETTER NOTE the arcane season 2 trailer has me in SHAMBLES OH MY GODDDDD
#tbd.#ooc.#negative ish#{ nothin big just blgghghgbb yaknow how it is }#{ it's been a high anxiety day in general — we've been expecting a surprise visit from the health inspector sometime this week#so everyone's stressed and on edge =m= coupled with dumb irrational hellsite insecurity it's just kind of a one-two punch to the brain(e)#oh my god PLUS the fucking . ticket printer and the drip coffee machine BOTH BROKE THIS MORNING (cries in manager)#anyway just gotta whack the brain with a rolled up newspaper and remember that everything is fine and the anxious thoughts are LIES }
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I'm not using Twitter so you guys get the text posts of me clawing at the edges of my enclosure and gnawing on the bars
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my crittersona. he has 200 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces
#the main idea behind me making him was jus doing something silly with things im insecure abt myself ig#and one of my biggest insecurities is my Hellmix of anxiety and ocd and how im constantly neurotic and it fucks with me#plus jus me being generally weird because AHHH SCARY AUDHD AHHHH. something like that#aaaaaand the fact i have a shit posture LOL#basically jus all that really exaggerated for shits and giggles. i like this little dude#not putting in main tags#original character#my art
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I’m trying to get the next chapter of Say It In French done but I don’t think it’ll be uploaded in time for tomorrow night like I planned bc I’ve been going Through It™️ the last few days 🥲 just had to cry on the phone to my mum as I did night check on the farm lmaooo
I’ll see what I can do though 🫡
#alone on the farm for ten days#plus two sick horses#plus anxiety over new part time job starting soon#plus anxiety over moving my pony#plus just general anxiety disorder problems#plus I’m hormonal af hashtag luteal phase problems#I’ve needed to cry for days now and it finally came out loool#I had so many tags detailing the sick horse issues#but we’ll leave that lmao#anyway the next update will be next week if not tomorrow#say it in French#my writing
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today has been. a rough day.
#woke up to the power being out. and it's still out.#(im finally caving and using the small amount of data i have rn)#we were told we'd get power back at 10pm but then we got an update saying itd be 1pm TOMORROW#the power being out completely disrupted my routine. i was barely holding myself together on the promise that-#-my nighttime routine would be as normal#my parents started joking about having to wait and i fully went into a meltdown in seconds#...my dad using a generator exclusively for lights and heat and it giving off the most dreadful sound the whole day did not help with that#plus the anxiety about the exam tomorrow... ugh#i just wanted to relax today and didn't get the chance to
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Like I know why I feel like this but it’s still so frustrating
#seasonal depression plus not taking my meds for a week#plus being autistic and being burnt out from being around people nonstop for a week#plus my general anxiety and chronic pain and apathy towards finals
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id like to thank the one singular person that still vaguely gives a shit about the => arc. idk who you are but youre probably out there somewhere so thanks for that
and as for everyone else sorry yall im a stubborn motherfucker were seeing this shit through to the end and then im never doing anything like this again because jesus christ. the effort
#how has it been a month already#time isnt real i think#genuinely didnt think it would take this long so uh#sorry abt that gang#was gonna say mb but no actuallt you guys sent in the asks#you couldge just made him go to the roof day two this is all on you actually#anyway#i do genuinely want to finish this soon#ive got plans for the end thst im excited to do and also i just. miss him#my boy#plus the general anxiety/horrors that come witj doing a vaguely self indulgent thing in a public space#like holy shit theres 350 of you and i guarantee none of you followed for this#but here we are#stuck in hell together#lets see if i have literally any audience when we make it out :]
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kill the part of you that cringes
#im sitting here full of anxiety thinking oh no what if i post ace attorney owlhouse au art and everyone gets on my case about#casting phoenix as hunter instead of miles and its all anyone comments on ever? ITS MY AU I SHOULDNT CARE#mvk could never be a cult leader bc he has no charisma and all he does is take advantage of privilege#perfect for a coven head. terrible for belos#plus#this way i can use susato and dgs characters for edas generation#and let mia be the willow. get to be part of the main friend group instead of the mom#i rant
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yeah I wish I could feel that excited for the kiwami movie adaptation but. if youve been following me a while you’d know that I kind of hate kiwami 1’s story so shzhdjshdjcj yahoo
#plus it’s super overdone but I’m not the first to say that#the plot of yakuza 1 is just fucking awful dude it’s just Bad#and I don’t want to see it for the 2000th time let alone with whatever alterations/additions they make for this adaptation#they’d have to do a Lot different than both the original and the other adaptations for me to be excited over it ngl dhchdhfb….#the og rgg movie is an exception and will not be counted. the plot of that movie made zero sense but it was so entertaining and I prefer#nonsense over The Worst Love Triangle In History#and just#everything about the ending#and just. god there’s so much I hate about the plot of yakuza 1/kiwami 1#majima and nishiki’s flashbacks and haruka are the only things that make it not totally horrible#everything about majima in kiwami 1 is fantastic generally (except that one scene where kiryu leaves him to Die but you know. that’s not#his fault)#sorry I’ve rambled about my distaste for y1/kiwami 1 many times I don’t need to do it again hehfhdjjcf point is. I really wish I could feel#hype for this. but. all it does is fill me with dread#and anxiety#despite not having high hopes at all#somehow#rambling
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#very overwhelmed today by my 6 ongoing creative projects (one that has a dealdine and one that should have one)#plus every day responsabilities and just a general spike in anxiety#probably caused by my period which is about to hit... overall not a good day today#and what am i doing about all that? nothing#in fact i'm thinking i might just open the sims#i don't like it in there (my brain)#angel talks#personal
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Oh shit, you ok? Why hospital D:
i was getting birth control but it’s the one they put in your arm and i HATE procedures and needles
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It’s 12:22 AM and i’m wracked w anxiety that the paper I spent the past 3 months writing isn’t any good but i’ve had fun writing it. I hope my prof still will go off our previous agreement to accept it late.
if anyone wants to know things about anti-cross dressing law in mid to late 19c san francisco or restrictions on clothing (ie sumptuary law) in the ottoman empire my ask box is open :) basically talked about clothing and gender as tools for place-making and defining social inclusion/exclusion in eras of highly anti-immigrant sentiment in both empires.
#it was a fun paper to research#I just wish writing it wasn’t so stressful#the registrar made the prof upset because of miscommunications about when grades for late work were due#plus getting covid and moving and general anxiety and mental health problems. last few months have been weird#I LOST MY PETER BOAG BOOK THO AUGH. SO MAD AT MYSELF#I NEED TO READ THAT FOR EXAMS
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