#just tells me to slow down
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Some days I really hate how my brain spins so fast that it makes others feel overwhelmed
#personal#audhd#adhd#actually adhd#actually audhd#adult adhd#adhd struggles#adhd problems#adhd life#adhd relationships#my poor partner#he tries SO hard not to freak out when he gets overwhelmed#just tells me to slow down#and one thing at a time#which I do#and I apologize profusely#and change the subject#to distract him from his overwhelm#because I don’t want him feeling that way#and he has too much going on already for me to be triggering him on top#bleh
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me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))
#but after my thesis me & brains have been on a break bc got tired reading abt them during that (bc I had a topic that sorta allowed me to#sidetrack to brain stuff also) but seems I'm over the brain overload now#yay? i guess#also no one who actually studies medicine/brains/etc. yell at me abt wikipedia and like ''why are u studying that like that''#I'm just going through the wikipedia & reading article abstracts path; nothing serious#also my procrastination has reached inhuman levels like it's a full-time job now#bc I have like a chill week's worth of work to do and then I've done the courses for my bachelor's degree#but sending in that ''heyy i'm done with the courses let me graduate''-thing fills me up with sO MUCH anxiety & dread I'm working so slow#now (even tho couldn't send that in for like a month bc gotta first wait the courses to be graded and stuff so in actuality I should#not be slowing down even a bit bc I need to finally be done with this damn degree asap; gotta move on and should've ages ago (it's actually#super bad how late I'm with it (1.5 mf years jesus christ; I'm not even like a little bit proud abt getting a degree anymore like I'm sorta#just embarrassed if I have to tell ppl like ''yea I graduated'' bc dude ?? only now?? u were supposed to be done with that 1.5year#ago what have u been doing (fuck if I know) so I'm keeping it like ''if anyone asks'' basis)))#(the tags and parantheses started a life of their own lol sorry abt that)#studyblr#studyspo#bookblr#booklr#study#november 2024#2024
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This scene will forever haunt me.
#symbrock#venom the last dance#venom 3 spoilers#there was so much silent emotion in this scene#Eddie's slow tears and the symbiote's sadness#Eddie thinking Venom meant lethal protector as them sacrificing themselves for the greater good#when it was really the symbiote choosing to protect Eddie from all that was lethal#I am a WRECK#when I tell you the entire theatre was dead silent this whole scene before I heard sniffles#I was one of them#just tears streaming down my face and my friend who has never seen these movies staring at me so confused
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i was supposed to post these ummm. whenever i did that poll eons ago. but then i didnt because i was ❤️ shy ❤️. so im dumping them all now
#not very pretty bc my cameras shite and i can only draw on notebook paper and i edit it different every time. but idc. take it or nothing#not tagging any of these characters. just some amalgamation of zoro zen genji and ocs#if u see this then its bc it was destiny. whatever dude#and if ive already posted any of these doodles before dont tell me i dont wanna know#anyways. all this to say i notice that ive been posting at least weekly this summer so thatll probably slow down now#im starting my 2nd yr of college and its really nerve wracking bc i had a really awful summer and past yr really#so unless i start posting more of my notebook doodles like this i MIGHT not post art as often as before#just a heads up#not on histus. just already tired and stressed and its only the first day#wtf... art
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MORE THAN ANYTHING - REPRISE ↳ from Hazbin Hotel Season One (2024): 1x08 - "The Show Must Go On"
#hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#vaggie#hazbin vaggie#chaggie#hazbin charlie#KILL ME KILL ME NOW ACTUALLY LOOK AT THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHERRRRRRRRRRRR#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#the fact that they integrated the familial love song into a romantic love song makes me think.... makes me THINK THAT THIS TUNE#can be the ''Main'' Theme for the rest of the show. PLEASE tell me im guessing right i will literally die it can apply to SO MANY SITUATION#more family love. more romantic love. more platonic love. more of ANYTHING ELSE. scenes with any flavor of affection and connection.#IT CAN BECOME THE THEME OF THE CONNECTION FOUND BY THESE WAYWARD SOULS AND THE UNIQUE BOND THEY'VE COME TO FORM#*slams hands on table* THEY CAN ALSO BE EVIL AND USE A SLOWED DOWN VERSION AS A SAD SONG!!!!!!!!! WHEN A CONNECTION IS BROKEN!#WHEN A FRIENDSHIP IS LOST OR CALLED INTO JEOPARDY! WHEN A TIE BETWEEN CHARACTERS IS SEVERED#BY EITHER CHOICE OR TRAGEDY.#THEY CAN PLAY A DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL VERSION WHEN SOMEONE STEPS IN DRAMATICALLY TO SAVE THEIR FRIENDS. AAAAAAAHHHH!!!#FUCK ME UP!!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!#my videos#music vids: s1#song: more than anything (reprise)
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There's something that infuriates me so much about people mocking characters that fall into the "not like other girls" trap, because the reasons girls take on that stance is because they exist in a society that tries to put womanhood and femininity in a restrictive box that tells them who and how they should be.
They're generally mocked and derided for not wishing to conform to stereotypical femininity, but when they lash out in entirely predictable but ultimately unhelpful ways (by being dismissive and rude about other women and femininity in general) instead of understanding that it's a product of growing up in a society that's restricting them and punishing them for not conforming (either by choice or inability) so many people who claim to be feminists choose to mock them or make them out to be the cause of the problem rather than a symptom. Whether its being mocked in real life, or watching people deride the fictional characters they relate to, this behaviour just alienates those girls even further into thinking that the issue is other women, and confirms their belief that women who are typically feminine will only ever be derisive toward them and that they're somehow fundamentally different from other women.
If you know someone who thinks along those "I'm not like other girls" lines instead of mocking them try directing them towards resources that can help them understand where that harmful rhetoric comes from, and when you're critiquing characters that fit that mold try to consider why they behave that way, and what girls who see themselves in those characters take from your commentary.
#idk this became a word salad#something something consider how many not like other girls girls are queer and/or neurodivergent#im not telling people to not be critical of that outlook but also helping people understand why its wrong is so much more powerful#than just mocking girls that are responding with (most often) age-appropriate immaturity to a society that's telling them they dont fit#eloise bridgerton#arya stark#there's so many other characters but my mind is just gripping onto these two#btw this ramble comes from a trans neurodivergent person who is a former “im not like other girls” non-girl#i came to the realisation that that outlook came from a misogynistic place in my own time#but watching any female character i related to growing up getting mocked for the same reasons i was bullied#read: not being feminine enough and/or not being neurotypical enough#slowed that process down a lot#it was difficult to understand that society was the issue and not other women#when so many women were mocking me
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I’m finally biting the bullet and contacting a therapist today after being ambivalent ab it for so long… this hellsite has its many disadvantages but one thing I can say is it has truly helped me be less scared of pursuing therapy. Silver lining etc etc
#And to be clear I have nothing against therapy. I’ve seen it do wonders for other people#I think the reason it’s a point of defeat (just a little) for me to be like ok. I need a therapist. Is bc I’m admitting to myself that I#need one to begin w. And I get it’s not healthy but I always liked to think I could handle anything by myself#That was even the whole point of this blog. It was supposed to serve as a conduit for these feelings#And I’m not saying I don’t have a support system. I do. I have many wonderful friends#But I struggle to be vulnerable at all tbh and whenever I am I’m guilty ab it bc#I understand so many people have busy lives & I feel like an emotional burden on them by venting#Despite them telling me that it’s totally fine. Obvi a therapist is literally paid to listen so no guilt there#And I think that’s what I need#I’m not like on the brink of a psychotic break or anything but it’s just little things. I think it’d be nice to sit in someone’s office for#One hour a week and just go. That did bother me actually. I am tired actually. I do feel that way actually.#Rather than just burying my feelings w school and a busy schedule#I don’t think therapy will make me any less of a workaholic anytime soon but it’ll at least allow me to slow down one hour a week#And also not bottle shit up so fuckin much#But ya all of this is to say I’m drafting the email to her RIGHT now .#Starting the day off strong by oversharing on tumblr dot com
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Nostalgic Sweetness Rei the man that you are
#zayne love and deepspace#Rei love and deepspace#love and deepspace#lads Rei#lads Zayne#Zayne was absolutely my first choice Xavier just crept up in there somehow and beat him to me#Zayne is my husband Xavier is my boyfriend do NOT tell them#I'm kinda slowing down my Xavier intake cuz the girlies are in a drought rn#so in the meantime while we're all like omg we're romancing Chronos I'm like heyyy Zayne 👀👀#Zayne is so my type though ive never deviated so far from the ice prince/ice king boy path like i love ice coded men
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Shotaro dance break because jesus christ just look at him go
[RIIZE - Boom Boom Bass Relay Dance]
#this is not sped up nor slowed down this man is just LIKE THIS NATURALLY#ever watch something and just be like WELL I MUST GIF THIS AND I HAVE NO CHOICE because like goddamn Taro#Taro was one of the best 4th gen dancers when he was in NCT and now he's the best 5th gen dancer FIGHT ME#don't actually fight me just look at him go and know i speak the truth#he looks so happy though this whole video#i just wanna squeeze his cheeks and give him a plate of cookies and tell him how good of a job he does#LOOK AT HIM GO#my lil baby otter boi#there's another bit of him and sungchan i'm gonna gif too#i just had to get this one done first#i like riize but i admit i'm a sungtaro fan first and foremost i can't help it#i also am a big softie for eunseok and seunghan if they ever let seunghan out of the basement#too much of an nctzen to not be like this sorry not sorry#shotaro#osaki shotaro#大崎将太郎#riize shotaro#riize#boom boom bass#mia gifs riize things#mia gifs relay dance things#mia gifs kpop things#mia gifs things
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reo isagi and yukimiya should’ve been on manshine city together and nagi hiori and chigiri should’ve been on bastard münchen together send tweet
#tw: opinions#‘but mira the plot 🥺 you have no reading comprehension 👹’ shut up and imagine kaiser trying to pull the bs he did w isagi on nagi or chigiri#chigiri would never let a blond talk down to him and nagi would be completely uninterested either way kaiser is EMBARRASSED#not to mention the beauty of yukimiya (hates his body for its slow deterioration) ending up on a team with CHRIS PRINCE#like his whole deal is perfecting one’s body…tell me that does not fuck SEVERELY#as for noel noa the idgaf warrior x idgaf warrior chemical reaction he would have with nagi alone would make the switch worthwhile#might delete this if anyone starts getting zesty in the notes#do not call me stupid or whatever i understand bllk perfectly fine thank you it was just never that serious#m’s thoughts#bllk
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Hot and heavy sex with FuckBoy!Sero that slowly turns into the slow, deep, hand-holding, forehead to forehead, can’t look away as you feed off of each others moans sex… Please and thank you.
#This will be my next Sero piece if it murders me….#Want to feel him in my throat…#Hushing and looking down at you with that look in his eyes that scares him a bit…#The look that tells you this is more than just sex; that he’s giving you something more than just his cock.#Holding you like you’re a life line and basking in your body…#I feel like that man has charisma for days and yet; this love-struck unknowable depth he just doesn’t show.#Until he’s with you that is and he’s balls deep and his stomach is doing a funny thing whenever you look at him -#and it’s making it hard to focus on the way his hand is wrapped in your hair arching your back so he can fuck you from behind :#so he does the only logical thing…#He flips you over and laces your hands with his; bends one leg over his shoulder to get in just as deep and sinks in slow…#His eyes on yours; mouth lingering close enough to swallow every one of your moans…#You whine; eyes rolling back: ‘Hanta: so - so deep’#yeah; he thinks. He fucking might be in deep.#And not just in your guts.
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Today's work doodles
#art#my art#tolys's scribbles#doodle#htp#hunter the parenting#kevin htp#kevin hunter the parenting#marckus#htp marckus#oc art#postal alien#seth#sethir#srpc is stupid rude people counter btw#ever time someone makes their stupidity MY problem I add to the tally for the day#thankfully most people are good-natured about messing up#anyways I always like to stall those people that start ranting about lines being long or service being slow during peak hours#and just give them a long and good stare until they quiet down#though one of them literally told me “now calm down” while I just stared at them like they WEREN'T the one literally complaining instead of-#scanning their shit#overseeing a self-checkout area is definitely a job I will tell you that
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Price : ... Nik?
Nik : No.
Price : Listen, if... if I don't...
Nik : Don't even. Evac is gonna be any minute now. You'll tell me later.
Price : ...ok. But you'll have to tell me what "zolawtsye" means.
Nik : *snorts*
Price : Oi, don't laugh at my accent, I'm literally dying.
Nik : You'll be fine, I'm here, I'll keep you alive.
(google told me it means 'golden one' or 'precious' btw)
#cod mw2#captain john price#cod nikolai#nikprice#i've seen prikolai too someone tell me what i should tag pls i'll just tag both in the meantime#price is gonna be fine btw#his sergeants are gonna burst in any minute now worried out of their heads and he's gonna be rushed in a medbay#and then he's gonna have some 'vacation' while he heals#nik was trying his best to stay calm and smiling but he was really worrying because the blood didn't slow down#even as he put pressure on it and price was getting more and more delirious#nik sees price as his sun and himself as the moon because everyone orbits price and his own work is more in the shadows#he doesn't know that price thinks the exact opposite because nik brings him warmth and comfort and he feels he's darker inside#they're not together yet here but they're both secretely in love with each other
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colorful quiet days 🧡
#I love fall forever man#like no words to describe how happy she makes me#the most superior season#had the best day yesterday#spent my halloween here#and today I feel like shit#it’s okay#might just be my body telling me to slow down already#been nonstop it feels for like all summer and October#cemeteries#cemetery#Boston#fall#autumn#mine#naturecore#photographers on tumblr#photography
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two silly thoughts from me still thinking too much about UA teaching logistics:
1. I think given all might's time limit at the beginning of the series, they really can't have given him a homeroom class to look after - but I do think it would be very funny if nedzu did it anyway. yeah I know you're just here for OFA purposes and that you can only be in hero form for like 3 hours per day, but you do have to spend like 15 minutes of that looking after 20 random wide-eyed business course kids. no slackers allowed
2. each year presumably has the same class structure as what we see for class a's year - 2 hero classes and 1 of each of the others - [ETA: oops no they don't, it's apparently 2 hero classes and THREE of each of the others??? consider this now a non-canon-compliant joke:] but it seems at least vaguely plausible that the additional hero class is a more recent addition brought on either by hero commission pressure to churn out more heroes per year, or - funnier option - as a counterbalance for the fact that aizawa is expelling like 50% of the hero course anyway, so you have to start out with a bigger pool
#bnha posting#some random UA staff member looking at nedzu's plan to basically double the amount of resources needed to run the hero course:#um sir couldn't you just. tell eraserhead to stop doing that?#nedzu for whom aizawa's chaotic energy is his favourite spectator sport: no <3#i also think it would be funny if nedzu just kept giving all might so so many little admin tasks and additional roles#like he's supervising student book clubs now. he has to draw up the rota for cleaning the faculty lounge#and all might is like is. is he trying to get me to slow down and have injury recovery time?? did i do something to make him mad??#what?? is going on??#true motive could be any combo of these but also i just think it'd be funny to know you could make the number 1 hero & symbol of peace#have to coordinate timesheets for the science lab#man if you think for too long about anything in this show it either gets kind of horrifying or really really funny#UA is both but the 2nd one's really getting me lately
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just read the new hatchling skin rules and am having Some Type Of Initial Emotional Reaction and am now writing down said Initial Emotional Reaction uncensored as i currently Strongly Feel A Type Of Way and Require Venting. i cannot word this more politely. i do not have the capability to render this rage into polite borderline corporate-speak for the sake of the damn rules that act like anything short of apologizing for being alive to make up for having even the most constructive understanding friendly criticism or even personal mild non-critical dislike of something like a color or a breed is tantamount to personal targeted hatemail. i cannot wait until i cool into calm bitterness later because if i think about this enough to write about it again i will just go right back to being furious and the fact that everyone ielse who's complaining is focusing entirely on the lolita fashion thing and not on in my opinion the far more significant and offensive part is pissing me off even more. extremely angry unedited ranting ahead
fr having it's own "female presenting nipples" moment right now, not that i'm particularly surprised, they've been a prime example of "conservative protestantism in a lefty-language veneer" for a long while now.
"don't adultify" is such a fucking vague and easily selectively interpreted rule, not to mention insulting for a number of reasons,
but putting that part aside the whole idea of "nothing that suggests that the dragon is an adult in a young body" is. look, i'm not exactly fond of the "adult who looks like an anime schoolgirl" trope myself, but i fail to see how in the absolute FUCK having it be canon in-universe that it is both possible and legal for someone to be forced to stay as a child permanently, is somehow LESS creepy than just saying eternal youth dragons have dwarfism. also, fuck you to anyone with dwarfism apparently i guess?
and "no zombie baby dragons" is just stupid. even fucking minecraft has baby zombies, and microsoft has steadily butchered that game into one of the most t for toddler babymode things on earth this side of cocomelon.
and "no scars on hatchlings" so fuck you to any kids with scars too apparently, even though that's way more common than anyone seems to realize. you hear that, kids? if you're under 18 and have scars your very existence is too obscene for public view. 13+ year olds will be irreparably traumatized if they have to know you exist at all! fuck you disabled kids and fuck you amputee kids and fuck you any kids that have suffered anything ever at all for not appearing as a perfect unspoiled image of conservative christian child-doll innocent purity. flight rising staff says your body and existence is inherently too nsfw to even be acknowledged as existing much less visually seen. everyone knows REAL children don't get damaged at all, and if they do then they're too horrifying and defective at their job of Being A Child Properly to exist in public spaces! how dare ugly things that might make us uncomfortable with their existence by contradicting out ideals about aesthetic moral purity be allowed where good respectable normal people can see them!
i don't say any of these words lightly, and i'm very much not the type to go around calling people whatever-ists and in fact find that kind of thing extremely annoying, useless, reductive, and more or less only ever see it used as a blunt cudgel to shame people into line so they don't question you, and have historically found it especially annoying when people pull out the accusations-of-ism card on fr staff over things that are far more likely just completely understandable (if dubiously competent) issues of certain things simply not occurring to someone on code and design level due to lack of sufficient exposure to the idea, and have always been of the belief of giving them the benefit of doubt (even if often that just means i think they either most likely made an understandable mistake that i would likely also make, or, when i'm feeling less kind, that they're simply not particularly competent rather than actively hostile) so understand how much it means coming from me when i say- flight rising staff, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, fuck you, you ableist batch of pricks, so far up your own asses with your performative veneer of vaguely lefty-flavored language that you don't realize how fundamentally extremely conservative all of your actual beliefs underlying them are. for every update you make that i approve of there's another that does twice as much damage as the good update fixed (and i'm starting to wonder if you maybe know what you're doing with that too-always batching the fucked up shit on the tail end of some big thing you know people will be excited about, always hiding these controversial moderation changes under something shiny and new, to the point that now i dread any new good update that genuinely seems a step in the right direction and/or is something we've been wanting for awhile because i'm just constantly expecting the knife hidden behind the footnotes afterwards, the fucking "ban tiktok/gay marriage/strip rights from this population/end net neutrality/whatever/ect" clause stapled onto the end of a bill about something entirely unrelated functionally holding a change people want hostage until they allow the fucked up part through. i've been here most of the site's 10+ years and i've seen this sort of thing happen far, far too often.) and every year the shit that gets pulled on the management and moderation end of things makes me more and more almost glad i've never had an income to spend on this, and the fact that apparently the moderation behind every single other petsite in existence is somehow significantly worse fucking astounds me. the only reason i stay around here is because It's Free Dragon Pictures, because it's literally the only actually good petsite game i've ever played and not gotten sick of within a week or so (and really the only good low-energy game i've ever played in general, which i'm increasingly convinced is in spite of it's management), and because somehow, despite all of this shit, i still genuinely love the game itself, because unfortunately by some accident of creation it seems they apparently stumbled purely by coincidence into making an actually good game idea no one else quite has. and after all the fuckery that gets constantly pulled, i refuse to believe the game being good is anything other than, much like many of the of the incidents i think they're unfairly accused of malice and -ism over, an accident.
Disabled children too obscene to fucking exist. fuck you. good to know half the child population's existence requires a trigger warning to even be allowed to be acknowledged as existing to you. good to know if the heart surgery i had when i was 11 had left any visible external scars i would be considered inherently too obscene to exist to you. good to know if the overhealed and benignly potentially cancerous scar on my back from whatever actually happened when i was a toddler (i don't trust either of my parents to ever be accurate about something like that) was in a more visible spot you would demand i have a trigger warning to post selfies online. good to know if any of the shit that's broken me emotionally left visible physical marks you would think it was good and right for me to be forcibly hidden from good normal people's view and considered too taboo for even the slightest discussion without hiding it with makeup and lies, just so i don't make good, lucky, undamaged, normal people uncomfortable, god fucking forbid. should we hide the gays too, since they also make so many people uncomfy? i imagine it won't be long before disabled adults are too obscene for your polite societytm sensibilities too. i've had the feeling for a long time that amputee and disabled skins were living on borrowed time with your rules, kept technically not explicitly dissalowed where all other forms of injury and ""body horror"" are banned simply out of fear of the backlash it would cause to include them, and well. the doomsday clock on that one just got a little bit closer to midnight, huh?
the only reason i wasn't a (physically, visibly, externally) scarred kid was pure sheer fucking luck. the only reason you weren't a physically scarred kid too is pure sheer fucking luck. the only reason you're not some type of disfigured or ugly or amputated or visibly injured or whatnot is pure sheer fucking luck. you're lucky. nothing more. if having to contend with that fact-the fact of how easily it could have gone a different way and there is nothing they would be able to do about it- makes good normal tm people uncomfortable, then well, get the fuck used to it, other people children very much fucking included don't exist to cater to the aesthetic sensibilities of a lucky perfect few. the only thing that separates you from the damaged ones you find too obscene is a bad day and an unlucky hand. and one day, even if you were lucky enough to escape being damaged when you were young, you and i will both be just like them too.
more festival skin winners slots is good. elemental swords sound fun.
#flight rising#how do i always and only end up in fandoms where either the fans or the creators or the fans and the creators#are downright insufferable crypto-conservative nutjobs of the type who tend to think justifying suicide baiting is ever okay#i'm sure i'll cool down to a more calm bitterness on this eventually but for right now i've just read the post and my initial reaction#is still Burning Hot#you have touched upon a trigger subject and I Am Very Angry#the stupid school dress code-ass clothing rules is dumb but wouldn't have gotten much out of me other than an eye roll on it's own#but no scars? no sign of past injury? no implication of disability? no uggos basically?#everyone else who is angry is focusing on the dumb dress code rules when this bullshit is right fucking there#the experience of being an fr player all these years has been a slow building of papercut after papercut#with everyone telling you it's not that bad#until you're the unreasonable one for being so angry over 'just a papercut'#and you have no good way to tell them that it's been 'just a papercut' over and over and over again for *years*#and you would very much like if the chill thing that's supposed to be a low-investment de-stressor would STOP GIVING YOU PAPERCUTS#i don't know how much i can give the benefit of doubt anymore
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