#just said this on discord but it felt like a post

[tricksterkisses]

I was discussing the incident mentioned later in this piece with my wife yesterday and I saw another post by someone earlier doing something mentioned in here and I'm finally going to say something about it.

There is a serious problem in leftist spaces, especially online, especially on Tumblr, when it comes to language.

The way people are expected to speak just to even enter these spaces is incredibly complex, to the point of being outright hostile to those who haven’t already spent time in them. And it’s not just newcomers; people who have important things to say, people speaking from lived experiences, people who don’t have English as a first language but still deserve to be heard, are constantly talked down to or even pushed out entirely for not using the "right" words.

This gets even worse when you factor in how often new terms are coined in English, and then people are shamed for not immediately knowing or using them.

I saw someone reblog their own post saying something like, "I know for a fact more than half of y’all didn’t understand a fucking word I said here."

And honestly? That stuck with me, because yeah, I’ve felt that before. Not because I don’t value critical thinking! because I absolutely do! I just made a post on that too! but because so many of these posts are written in a way that makes them Functionally Inaccessible to anyone who doesn’t already have the right background knowledge. And at a certain point, if you actually want your words to have an impact, if you actually want to create meaningful change, then you��re going to have to accept some things:

People will not always use perfect language.

2. People will not always know the exact terminology you personally prefer they use when engaging in discourse.

3. Dismissing or attacking people for how they say something, instead of engaging with what they’re saying, is actively harmful.

And more than that, if you genuinely want people to understand and engage with the things you’re talking about, especially people who don’t speak English as a first language, especially people without access to higher education, especially people who don’t even know where to begin when it comes to self-education (because yes, that is a skill that has to be taught) then you are going to have to be the one to adjust sometimes. You are going to have to let people say things imperfectly. You are going to have to take a step back and engage with the message rather than just the words being used to express it.

One of the experiences that made me realize that I, as a non-native English speaker, was not welcome in Tumblr leftist spaces was when I spoke about real-life oppression I had experienced. I left one word out of my post, a word which honestly, was not even important when talking about an incident that had Happened To Me, not theory, not hypotheticals or any what-ifs of oppression, a story, a story about something that happened to me.

And because of that, people sat in a Discord server, picking apart my words, accusing me of awful things, and then came into my askbox throwing jargon and buzzwords I’d never even heard before, then got mad at me for being frustrated that this was happening.

Think about that. People who are directly impacted by oppression are being pushed out of spaces meant to discuss it because the way they speak doesn’t conform to certain expectations. That is not justice. That is not solidarity. That is not progress.

There is a fundamental disconnect here between theory and praxis. Ironically so many of you do not know what praxis is, because most of you engage with a lot of theory, and not a lot of praxis, you use the word praxis a lot, but, ironically, you have no idea what it means.

{to put my money where my mouth is, it means Doing Something, in the simplest possible terms}

In theory, leftist spaces should be accessible. They should be places where people can speak openly about their experiences, learn from each other, and work toward meaningful change. But in practice? There’s a gatekeeping of language so intense that many people, particularly those who are marginalized in ways beyond just their political beliefs, are outright excluded.

And this is something I need people to sit with: The assumption that the "right" language is easy to learn, or that anyone who doesn’t use it is being willfully ignorant, is an inherently privileged stance. Knowing where to find information, how to process it, and how to integrate new terminology into your vocabulary is a skill that is largely tied to education. Having the time to engage with leftist literature and theory, to stay up-to-date on every new term that gets introduced, is also a privilege. And the fact that so many people refuse to acknowledge this, that they expect perfect articulation from everyone, regardless of background, and punish those who don’t measure up, is a huge problem.

Worse still, the same people who act as gatekeepers of this language often fail to communicate their ideas in a way that is accessible at all.

This doesn’t mean that complex ideas should never be discussed. It doesn’t mean that people shouldn’t strive for accuracy in their language. But it does mean that if your goal is to educate, if your goal is to spread awareness, if your goal is to help people understand and join the movement, if your goal is to engage with fellow oppressed people, then you have a responsibility to meet people where they are. You have a responsibility to make your language understandable.

Because if people can’t even process what you’re saying, then what’s the fucking point?

And before anyone says, "Well, people should put in the effort to learn!" Let me make something very clear: They do.

People who are new to leftist spaces, or who are coming in from different linguistic and cultural backgrounds, are often trying their best to engage. They are listening, they are learning, they are processing. But if the response to every mistake, every slightly off phrasing, every unfamiliarity with a new term, is immediate hostility,

or even if it's just 'hey I see you're sharing a personal moment, but can you change your language to make me, personally, more comfortable with you discussing your oppression?' then you’re not teaching.

You’re just making sure only the people who already think and speak exactly like you get to stay in the room.

Your language, your terminology, your theory? none of it means anything if you can’t make it accessible to the people who actually need it. And it means nothing if you use it to Exclude rather than Include.

[the-ellia-west]

Happy 610 to me!

And to celebrateeeeee:

For the Month of April, and maybe longer, I will be Going On Hiatus (Yes again), I will log back in every other Friday to make an update post on myself and my WIPs. I will not be checking my notes, asks, or Notifications until I'm back for good.

You can contact me at Discord @ ellia_west if you like! Just tell me your Tumblr Username or else I might block you. But I will not be on Tumblr, and when I am, Let's just say I'll make my presence known. <3 [I will be on for about an Hour after I post this, 3/28/2025]

For now,

(I left a message for all the Moots I remember off the top of my head)

-

@sunflowerrosy You're my best friend and ILYSM, Everything you've said and done to help me. You've been there no matter what and you're always so kind and patient. You're so brilliant and determined and such a lovely person to talk to and be around no matter what. Your WIPs are some of my favorite things I've ever read and talked about and helped with and I hope we never stop being friends, and I thank God for us meeting. You've been so Fun to Watch ATLA with, I look forward to talking to you when I get the chance, and Yapping about our WIPs together is one of my favorite things, the games, the Characters, your personality, and the random talking about mundane life. I'm praying for you and I hope one day I can give you a hug myself.

@homelessnerd You've been here a while and through it all you're pointing me back to God, telling me the things I sometimes don't want to hear, and making sure I know how much he loves me, recommending me shows and doing your best to make time for me even though I don't deserve it. You may not be here as often as some of my other friends, but I smile whenever I see your messages and I love talking to you <3 I thank God that he let me meet you and I thank you for pushing me back to him when I didn't want to.

@carb0n-m0n0xide I've never had a friend who made me laugh so hard, Your absolutely wacky (In a good way) stuff always puts a smile on my face, and I love seeing and listening to you. Your messages and the typos and every thank you and Shouted brainstorming session adds a wonderful level of chaos to my life I never knew I needed. But you somehow also always know what to say when I feel down and I honestly couldn't wish for many better friends (Go. To. Bed.) Also, it's unfair. Why do you get all the skill? Share. Pls. /j (Thank you Jesus for letting me Meet Carbon, she's brightened my days so much even if she doesn't know it)

@theweirdbox123 You're a new friend, and I almost didn't talk to you because I thought you wouldn't want to talk to me, But you've been one of the most fun and supportive people to me, You might not see it now, But you being open about being sensitive, despite you disliking, has given me the courage and the feeling to open myself back up to my sensitive side and If I'm honest, I think I learned how to cry again because of you, and I'm so, so glad to have somebody like me who's near me and kind enough to listen and help.

@supercimi I know you're nervous and you apologize a lot because you think you hurt my feelings, But honestly in all my life until recently, I have never had someone who I felt cared about my feelings as much as you do. Please don't be scared to speak your mind, I love listening to you, your writing is phenomenal and I can't wait to see you again whenever you come back online. I don't mind waiting, and I Wish I could give you the biggest hug. You'll never know how much your words mean to me.

@thewritingautisticat I don't know you very well but honestly, Whenever I see you in my notes, It makes me happy, I honestly can't wait to see where your stories go, and I'd honestly love to interact more some day, I admire you and all of your projects, and I wish you the best of luck!

@thebookishkiwi Girlie, I don't honestly even know what to say. I see your projects and I don't respond bc 1, Honestly I'm a little jealous of your skills, and 2, I may be busy, but I do HONESTLY really love your characters. I'm honestly flattered whenever I see you in my notes it makes me smile like an idiot, especially when I see your replies or reblogs and I honestly don't even know what to say. I admire your skills and I strive to one day write like you do (I'm getting lost in the sauce with the goddess prophecy, I'm lurking in the shadows bc life is a little busy, but when summer comes around, I'm gonna... *snatches all your writing and runs away with it*)

@vesanal Thank you. For everything. You're such a brilliant friend and a brilliant person. Everything you do, your interactions, how little I DO see them, and Your help, Thank you so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate you and all the help you've given me, and I don't think I would be where I am without it, Lol.

@write-with-will Man, You. YOU. YOUUUU. YOUR COMMENTS, YOUR EVERYTHING, I LOVE YOU(/p) AND YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEEDBACK AND REBLOGS AND WORDS ON EVERYTHING, BUT SPECIFICALLY WILD AND KHENAN. YOU'RE SO KIND DESPITE HOW LITTLE WE INTERACT OUTSIDE OF THAT, BUT I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH. AURGHHHGHGHG, I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK ON ALL YOUR PROJECTS

@corinneglass Girlie, Idk what to say. Thank you. TwT. Your words mean so much, you're trying, your beautiful blog, your patience and everything. Just... everything...

@yolbert We don't interact much, and I know English isn't your first language, I just want you to know that whenever I see you in my notes, it makes me Unreasonably happy, and your reblogs are like I'm panning for gold in my notifs, Lol. Every time I see them on my Posts I feel so proud of myself, Like: They REBLOGGED? ME????

@darkandstormydolls I cannot even begin to tell you how much I admire how smart you are, with all your research and knowledge and your willingness to share it, and to offer me things sometimes, like the opportunity to be featured in something. Your notes and your interactions, they kinda remind me why I write, honestly.

@blargh-500 I don't know you at all, But I honestly really like seeing you in my notes, and your asks are always a surprise, and a welcome one! I'd honestly love to see you around more and get to know you better if I can.

@clever-naming-convention You're one of my oldest moots. Actually my third ever if I remember correctly, and I admire how forward and happy you are with your hyperfixations, even if we don't talk a lot and you may not be interested in my projects, you're still here, and I'm honestly so greatful for that. (Do you like sonic? If so, #sonic the slugcat)

@sm-writes-chaos I don't know you. But you're awesome. Your art is awesome. Your vibe is awesome. You share my obsession with Jak for literally no other reason than 'he has silly vibes' and I respect that. W friend.

@lunaeuphterrnal We don't talk much, and I don't know you much either but I honestly REALLY REALLY appreciate you and your reblogs and support of my WIP and I wish you the best of luck with yours even though I haven't got around to looking at it yet

@geminiagentgreen You're awesome. Keep doing what you do. Thank you Jesus for showing me this person and their blog. Thank you for spreading the word of God, for being so confident about it and inspiring me to take steps in my own faith, and for just... being there

@urnumber1star I love your WIP. I love you(/p). I don't say much but I AM lurking in the shadows. Torture Michael for me. And I don't care how evil he is, Give No one a cookie for me. Also if you have inspiration, write that fantasy. I have no doubt in my heart it will be magnificent.

I love you guys - (Sorry if I forgot you)

-Ellia

[bladekindeyewear]

Light/Void and Ascent/Descent, Outward/Inward

I was helped in putting together something pretty huge this week, Aspect-ways. Sometimes lately, I've been chatting with Taz (aka optimisticDuelist, @utopianparadoxist) and we discuss or debate over character and Aspect interpretations, or they link me some interesting thoughts they've posted blogways or from a third party. This time we were discussing a post they made on Void's potential connection to Gravity and all its potential conflated meanings, such as Love pulling things together, which they based on analysis stemming from @lime-bloods's Void/Home association theoryposts -- I was skeptical of this Gravity interpretation, for reasons I'll go into later below the cut, but one of those reasons was I felt as if paired terms between Light and Void are important when solidifying the domains of each Aspect, and I couldn't think of one for Void's "Gravity" that had a Light equivalent. For example, recently I had the belated inspiration in terminology, for instance, that Light is "Location" where Void is "Dislocation", a perfect tie between Light's links to Maps and Landmarks contrasting it with Pumpkin-like "disconnectedness from spacetime" and ability to appear anywhere, which I quickly added to the Aspect Duality post in late February (I should add the edit date in on that).

And while we were tossing the idea around, we stumbled on another set of even MORE important paired Light/Void terms that made me do an acrobatic pirouette off the fucking handle. I got permission to paste the conversation:

BOOTS: otherwise there might be other aspects that better fit what's going on

((does Light "Push" where Void "Pulls"? could that be it? no, that sounds more like Breath and Blood…))

((actually that might be really important to Breath and Blood, shit! wind pushes forward/outward, chains pull in))

TAZ: I think its pretty fair to say that its a nebulous and abstract reading where a lot of the evidence is hard to parse, like I said at the end of the post I definitely still feel like I'm missing stuff about Void

And I also agree that other aspects have a lot of room to play in this space and overtake Void in readings, primarily Heart and Blood in this context

BOOTS: ((and the "inescapability" of black holes carried Blood associations with other inescapable things))

TAZ: Indeed

TAZ: But isn't that part of the nature of Void? To be a subtle force that falls into the backdrop and lets other things more visibly take over?

BOOTS: you could call that descending into the Ocean, into the abyss over a cliff, into irrelevance; it's Descent, but not necessarily Gravi---

AAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

TAZ: Well this is exciting

BOOTS: LIGHT IS ASCENT, VOID IS DESCENT

TAZ: Yeah, I can see that

BOOTS: there are so many fucking associations across the comic and I'm remembering so many of them oh my god

And that Gravity is wrapped up in this association as everything is naturally PULLED DOWN. The rest of the conversation is under the Read More cut where we started listing out more than a dozen freakin' examples to each other that show how UTTERLY PERVASIVE a theme this has been throughout the entire goddamn comic, from the start right up to and including the very latest update of Beyond Canon. (Contains HS^2/Beyond Canon spoilers if you're coming here from elsewhere, stop reading here if you're not caught up to the 2025-03-26 update!)

EDIT: (Just a brief note I'm adding to this above the cut, but a Discord friend just gave me ANOTHER association to add to Light and Void: Outward vs Inward, Light's outward projection the pair to Void's inward gravity!!! Shining Stars versus Black Holes! Void's Inwardness finally brings together its metaphysical ties with Heart and how the latter often sits isolated in the Ocean of Void like Dirk's house, the natural inward-looking nature of Heart-- compared to the outward-facing nature of Mind and its façades, tying Light and Mind together like Vriska and Terezi!)

TAZ: It might almost apply as a broad division to the upper and lower halves of the wheel in general, actually?

BOOTS: even in this LAST update they go UP to enter Canon a black hole is always Down

TAZ: But I like it as Light and Void specifically right now, lets examine that

Yeah yeah BOOTS: Looking at Light almost always entails looking Up, looking down is usually staring into the Void, with the exception of Derse players staring out into the Ring

mainly abysses and oceans with looking down TAZ: Dirk's consumption by Ultself is described as him being subsumed into the Ocean/descending into its watery depths, while Rose outright says about hers "I am ascending, and it is terrible"

BOOTS: Rose begins her grimdark path by destroying her first (UPWARD) Gate and rocketing off elsewhere and of course she's the prime example shown off by the comic of the Descend-before-you-Ascend of role inversion

TAZ: And Heart is on the lower half of the wheel with Blood and across from Void. So maybe there's something there

mmmhmm, mmhmm

BOOTS: it's been said even in like, Andrew's commentary outside the comic, that "Skaia is always Up"

it's never shown setting

TAZ: And of course they shoot the meteor Up towards the Green Sun

BOOTS: and the trolls see the creation-splosion of the green sun Up to direct them in Cascade--

yeah, exactly [what you said]

TAZ: Terezi's looking slightly Upwards as she remem8er's Vriska in [S] Remem8er

(Vriska) and (Terezi) staring Up into the Light of paradox space breaking

it really is all over the place, huh

for that matter, (Vriska) and Meenah looking Up into the fireworks as (Vriska) comes to the true realizations she does about how miserable it is to live the way Vriska and Lord English live

BOOTS: going against your hero role, Descending, is so often denying your true self agency and straying away from philosophical Truth-- after which comes the Ascent where you find and accept yourself

oh and by going into what's been constantly called HELL inside the Plot Point and then emerging out stronger, Vriska "descended" ala Dante's Inferno and then Ascended out of it

TAZ: indeed! indeed

Oh! Dirk and Hal's conversation on the rooftop!

Dirk sits on the side of his home and is literally staring down at both a long plummet/implied s*****e and literally into his Shades/his own Self

BOOTS: hell, if you wanted to make a pun of any love association, instead of gravity you could call it falling in love!

There's just SO MUCH MORE to this, so many examples of Light and importance and enlightenment and Skaia's philosophical truth being UP or involving ascent, where anything that drops or falls DOWN into the water or off cliffs becomes dislocated and its relevance unknown until it might eventually perhaps resurface unpredictably elsewhere. Tavros being driven down off a cliff by the Thief of Light to break his legs and stunt the playful drive he needed to become a fully realized Page of Breath, Aranea's snapped-neck body being dropped into the flames to fade into such irrelevance that she never surfaced post-Retcon, Vriska stealing all the luck/Light from the enemy creature in the first Meteor walkaround and it falling into a collapsing dark pit, so many people always going UP to reach concrete destinations, Roxy and others crashing DOWN through fenestrated windows and falling to reach the Furthest Ring, and of course there's always the Jung psychology stuff that was woven into Sburb (as I've reiterated in the past) and an essential metaphor for Descending into your shadow and Ascending from it to merge your shadow self with your conscious self for true self-acceptance and balance, like Vriska just did in the Plot Point, like the normal Quest Bed method of attaining God-Tier merging the Real and Dream selves and everyone looking Upward to see John RISE UP and achieve ascension: (From an older edit of the Wikipedia page for the Jungian Shadow--)

Nevertheless, Jung remained of the opinion that while “no one should deny the danger of the descent […] every descent is followed by an ascent”, and assimilation of—rather than possession by—the shadow becomes a possibility.

“We begin to travel [up] through the healing spirals…straight up.”

As I've said before, the game IS the psychotheraputic journey from start to finish, complete with the same monumental challenges, pitfalls, rejection and acceptance (of help and of oneself!) that all sorts of different people must confront in order to simultaneously fully appreciate and become themselves, and also become the people they truly want to be. Skaia's Light and the path it guides players on thus represents a journey to one's philosophical enlightenment about oneself, their ASCENT, and the challenges and misleading dejection that causes them to reject this journey and fight against their natures is DESCENT, so often involving the Horrorterrors who embody the essence of Void in nature and motive.

Gosh when you think of all the times "UP" or "DOWN" has been the focus of major or even offhand scenes or panels, there's just SO MUCH that fits them into Light and Void respectively. I couldn't possibly begin to list all the examples, you're probably noticing more in your mind as you read this post.

--

I'm going to integrate this Ascent/Descent meaning into the Aspect Duality post's sections on Light and Void, and link this post there, but before we finish I wanna delve into the potential Gravitation meaning of Void that optimisticDuelist brought up and reasons I might agree or be skeptical of the ties drawn in their post... especially stemming from this Rose quote they included:

That seems to tie Void pretty inarguably to Gravitation, or perhaps the vacuum pull of nothingness, but because I didn't have a clear counter-meaning in Light I wanted to look up the full context of this quote when I made this post... (readmspa.org is a very useful tool while Homestuck.com is down and mimics the old manual search function)--

ROSE: Or what about, the tale of Isaac Newdon under the tree?? He was BONKED on the head by an apple. ROSE: Not reallyan apple though… an atomic idea. An emlemental unit of inspripation itself, id clocked him right on then noggin. ROSE: And this indivisible notion colliding with hish awareness, much like.. . a high speed partical fired to create a nuculear chain reacation, jarred from the void a more profund unnerstand, HIC, ing of the intrinsic nature of nothiness. Thatis,. Gravivitation. ROSE: Of course thess stories are acutually bullshit. They didn't happen in realaity. But thef act that they'rare bullshit makes them more inshresting. ROSE: Men have crefted many stories that are bullshit out of symbols risen from the abyss of coinsciousness withou necesharily knowing whath e fuck they were doing or saying, as they flounered around for some truth. ROSE: Bust in spite of themseleves they would for howefer briefly cross through a ray of light regarless. Becuss of the sbymbols. Dave.. The symbols hol dall the power.

Taz also mentioned that a commenter in their server pointed out that this Gravitation quote and the reference to a high-speed particle collider could also be an intentional reference by Andrew to the Graviton, the theoretical elementary particle responsible for mass and its gravitational force that has so far not been detected/discovered yet, remaining obscured (Void) compared to the particles tied to the other elemental forces.

Black Holes ALWAYS had strong ties to Void, the ultimate sinks for the destruction of information, ultimate darkness, (ultimate Down/descent), the compression of all meaning and separation into a melange forever irrelevant to the rest of Reality beyond one's Event Horizon (thanks @sagaciouscejai for the reminder). And in the Epilogues forward, "Non-Canon" belongs to the great Black Hole and everything that falls nigh-inescapably into it-- as opposed to Canon's comparative association with Light and story importance. But, hm... if Void is "down" and "descent" and the "abyss of [Jung's collective] consciousness", to what extent is it important as "Gravity" specifically, as well? Or is that just tied to the fundamental concept of "down" in the comic's metaphysical framework? Taz mentioned Dirk linked to gravitation to tidal forces too, hence the Ocean which is Void-linked. Does Gravity have a balancing opposite in Light that I can put into keywords besides "Up/Down" or "Ascent/Descent"? And if it DOESN'T have a balancing concept in Light... could Gravitation be part of Void's tie to Space that explains them as neighbors, a shared domain that Space and Void might possess?

In the end I think I'm positive toward Rose's speech and the fact of Black Holes (as well as "DOWN/DESCENT") establishing a definite tie between Gravity and Void, but where I'd disagree with Taz is how over the rest of their original post they pointed to "succumbing" to toxic influences and generational trauma as a sort of Gravity, which I'd disagree with and say has more to do with Void's existing and known "submission and divestment of agency" associations, as well as Centrality coming from it (which I'd have to reconcile with Light's "Location" meaning) not quite adding up for me, and Love as stemming from Gravity which I really don't think has enough in-comic evidence tying the two together. If we eventually deduce that Love has some Void associations-- and the Void characters we've met have certainly been more than a little Love-obsessed at times-- I expect that any association would have to stem from Void's other established meanings such as the submission of agency required by a relationship as opposed to making all the decisions yourself (Light's agency) and hogging the spotlight, like the contrast between Vriska and (Vriska) toward the end of Homestuck proper. There's more to lime-bloods's post that I haven't given enough thinking time to, like Voids always being the central seeding-place for new creation like a Womb, which would ALSO explain its proximity to Space on the official wheel... but, yeah. Those are all my in-progress thoughts on that for the moment, anyway. ((EDIT: "Outward vs Inward" like I mentioned above the cut finally completes the Gravity association!))

I'm still blown away by how clearly Light and Void can mean "UP and "DOWN", can mean "ASCENT" and "DESCENT", that's... just such a blindingly stunning revelation for us to have come to so late, IMO. I bet there's half a dozen theorists out there who put it together AGES sooner and I just never saw their posts. Wow. :D

[meeb-motes]

A serious post.

TW: Abuse , Manipulation tactics , Love bombing

( sorry if anything is misspelled or confusing)

Hello everyone ! We wanted to try and keep this as private as we could but we felt you all deserve an explanation why we haven’t been posting as much here as usual.

We are currently healing from an abusive relationship we were in. We have made multiple posts about it in our discord so we thought we should share a bit more here.

We were in a relationship with a person , let���s call them L for around a month. The first conversation we ever had with them was them sending us a gift of nitro , around 10 dollars. They then went and excessively flattered us , asking us invasive personal questions which we answered due to thinking they had good intentions. We now realized that this was Love Bombing.

Long story short they would become jealous and angry if we talked to our close friend , would constantly ask questions about said close friend and would ignore boundaries set up multiple times.

We ourselves would become angry or cruel towards them on a couple of instances , this only happened after we were pushed when we were having an episode or meltdown. Every time we would profusely apologize and believe we were in the complete wrong and horrible. They then latter on after we broke up sent us a threatening message that was purposefully written in a way to trigger our PPD and CPTSD aswell as they sent us threats in that message and asked us to take down the post we made or “things would get ugly”. This was what’s known as “Reactive Abuse” a manipulation tactic abusers use against victims to try and get them to not speak out.

They expected us to be able to handle all of our disorder , disabilities and trauma perfectly and at the same time give them immense amount of attention.

They made us feel like we had to apologize for having private meltdowns or episodes , they would constantly push us for attention when we indicated we were in a episode or informed them we had to be offline.

We just wanted to make this post to explain why we have been gone for a bit and stuff and aswell as the fact up until now we were under the impression most things were our fault and that they were not abusive, they were.

Screenshots of our prior announcements in the server are under the cut. Do know this is before we realized they were abusive.

If you know who this is DO NOT HARASS THEM we hope they learn to grow and heal but we will not be there to see them grow.

[pienpup]

okay, hi, i have tried to keep this specific topic quiet and under wraps because i wanted it to be over. however, people are just straight up lying about me. i will be responding to a specific public post with the lies in it just so i can specifically debunk things that are being spread.

i will not be linking the original post here, but i will be taking it paragraph by paragraph and debunking / sharing my side of the story. nobody will be named. the server in question, however, is named.

this drama started 6 months ago.

to preface: around October - November of 2024, I was in a discord server called Minefield. there were a few altercations in this discord server, but for the most part they were handled well by moderation or shut down.

something of note here that i will emphasize before anything else: the initial events were the result of me being unable to handle my own triggers. i have stated that i am responsible for them multiple times in private and i have just disconnected myself from this group of people and never interacted with them again to try to minimize this. however, lies are still being spread, i am still being harassed, and i don't know what to do anymore.

this post is long as fuck. the general TLDR here is that i got triggered, didn't handle it well, and things spiraled out of control.

if you need me to provide a shortened version please ask but i dont have the energy to make one right now.

if anyone would like to reblog to spread my side of things thatd be awesome but dont feel obligated.

this is going to be tagged publicly just so people see it. i will also link it in my pinned.

so, here is my account of the events that occurred. this will be under a cut.

first note: i dont have screenshots for a lot of this. i will try to find them where necessary and where i can, but i left this server. i dont have screenshots of the server.

first things first, this is misgendering me, and the OP literally never corrected it AND still posted this. thats not cool, man.

for the rest of these, to avoid unnecessary images, i will just be copy/pasting the text.

This talks about things from 6 months ago with new recent developments. Because they still haven’t actually taken responsibility for what they did.

Pom had brought up a ticket in a Discord server about being worried about a minor who was wanting to commit sui. Pom then left randomly and started posting hate about said minor, claiming the minor was venting about them (they weren’t), also claiming the minor was manipulative and a guilt-tripper (this isn’t true). A mod had called out this behavior, instead of taking the accountability for it, Pom had directed all of the hatred towards that specific mod and guilt-tripped the owner.

This is already misinformed. To begin: the ticket was not opened because of a minor threatening suicide, the threats began after the ticket was closed and the conversation that was occurring was shut off.

The ticket was opened because there was an inappropriate conversation occurring in general where users were filling out a kink tierlist. Both minors and adults were contributing, and I felt really pressured to engage in this conversation, and other people in the ticket said they did too. It wasn't just me.

I opened the ticket when the topic of CNC or consensual non consent came up. CNC in particular is triggering for me because in a past relationship there was unsafe practice of CNC. I don't call it abuse anymore because I think I was at fault for not communicating better, and that he was not an abuser. It is still a triggering topic. I had mentioned this instance in general, keep this in mind. I opened the ticket, said it was unsafe for minors to be talking about kinks (especially CNC) in general in a server without any sort of verification. Here, I should have expressed that I was not okay. I did not express that, and that was on me.

A user we will just refer to as W began venting after the conversation was shut down. These vents threatened suicide, and while they were not directed at me, I became even more triggered because people have threatened to kill themself to make me feel guilt about not wanting to engage in sex acts with them. I thought they were directed at me, and nobody ever bothered to tell me they weren't. I found out by proxy months later that they were about someone close in W's life.

I vented about this on my vent blog. I posted about leaving, and about how I, at the time, felt like nobody cared about me because nobody bothered to check on me. Nobody checked on me because I didn't express my distress. I know that now, months later after I have reflected on this a great deal. I should've communicated that maturely rather than leaving the server in a rush.

Some vent posts in question, they're still up.

Another thing I would like to note -- I never spoke to W. Before I knew the context of his vents, I did interpret it as guilt tripping and manipulative, and that was wrong. I made a mistake there. Like, that's just real life and I'm not gonna pretend that didn't happen. However, I never harassed W. I never even spoke to them, and they shouldn't have even been on my blog because my blog was marked as 16+ and they were under 16. I didn't think they'd even look at it. Those posts were for me to get my feelings out, not for W to see.

The day after, I spoke with the owner of the server, and another moderator we will call H. These letters aren't related to their names, I'm just picking out random ones. I do not remember what was said to H, genuinely, I just don't know because this interaction happened through asks. However, I was never informed that H was not the only moderator contributing here. I thought he was the only one talking, so the following statement made me upset.

Now, I still disagree with what was done here. I do not think it was appropriate to approach someone in crisis and tell them how they've hurt a bunch of people (without giving any context to that, even, I was not informed of what instances were being discussed) when they were trying to explain why they were upset and why they left. Something I will note here especially is that I have forgiven H, and I do not interact with him in any capacity nor do I talk about him. I think it was the responsibility of the older mods to recognize this as inappropriate, and wasn't on him. However, keep in mind, at the time I didn't know other mods contributed to this message, and I didn't know he had leaked my message to him to other mods. I never gave him permission to do that.

The instances mentioned in here are kind of problematic in itself. I can think of like 3 arguments I was involved in: a political one, one where i made a distasteful joke (about a musician) and was not clear about it being a joke, and a third one that everyone agreed was the other person's fault. Hell, that third one made me so upset and I felt so violated I changed my name. Also notable the second and third were the same user.

I also believe the political one is where the autism traits thing comes in? That's a whole other ordeal and I don't really feel it was even my fault, especially considering I apologized in dms to the other party and she apologized to me as well. I don't understand why it was still being discussed when it was resolved.

I am not entirely sure what they're referring to by guilt-tripping the owner, I was a little aggressive when I spoke to her, and I apologized for that later, but I don't really know what this is referring to.

Pom was wanting the server to be changed to how it was prior or they were going to leave. Pom had also suggested not protecting minors in that server by allowing nsfw talks to be a thing that could exist without those conversations being shut down (which even now, those conversations are shut down immediately once it gets out of hand). Pom was included in those nsfw conversations, making fun of kinks, and asked it to be shut down when someone had commented about how they had grooming trauma (this triggered Pom).

A lot of what Pom does is for themselves and will even deny what they’ve done. The minor they were worried about? They hurt and harassed with posts, making lies about them, and then getting upset only when something triggered them (them being Pom).

I do remember suggesting a few things being changed, like not allowing NSFW conversations and not allowing people to vent about users that are in the server. The second one is actually a rule in my own server, but again that was a misunderstanding.

Again I asked it to be shut down when the conversation of CNC came up, not when grooming was mentioned. I engaged in these conversations because I felt pressured to, as did many other people. Here is a screenshot from another former minefield user.

And again I believe this second paragraph here is about my vent posts about W. I did not harass W, in fact we apologized to each other through another user as a proxy.

note: the timestamps say "today" because this is a screenshot of a screenshot. i was not comfortable dming W so a friend did it for me.

I mean, this is how I spoke about W privately. So it just feels a bit odd that we've somehow landed on the idea that I harassed him viciously or something.

When a post was made about what Pom was doing, Pom said that they would start reporting harassing the mods/people that were talking about what they did and the issues it caused while Pom was making posts harassing the mods constantly while Pom was being asked to stop. Keep in mind that Pom said this VERY REAL MINOR was “made up” when said individual was a living human being.

I am going to be honest, I don't even know what the hell this is talking about. I did say I would report people who interacted with me at one point, but I genuinely don't... I don't know what this is about. I don't remember saying a person was made up.

The mod that Pom hated was 13, please also keep that in mind as well. Pom wanted this mod to be alone with them in a chat, but the mod refused if no one else could be with them. Pom is an adult.

So.. this.. is an odd one, to say the least. Around December I asked my friend to send a message to H to talk things out. At this point, I still thought H was the sole moderator responsible for the ask sent.

Something of note is that my friend was directly copy/pasting. So as far as I am aware, this is what was said and my messages were direct and not altered.

I would like to note here that I was prepared to apologize if I was respectfully informed of doing something wrong. I still didn't know what people were even upset about, and I'm still not 100% on the details.

H was not comfortable having a one-on-one conversation, so he proposed involving other moderators. However, I was not comfortable with the mods he proposed because I was afraid that it would turn into, well, me getting ganged up on.

I didn't want him to be alone in the chat, I just wasn't comfortable with the users that were being proposed to be in the chat with us.

More private messages from me, as evidence that this is in fact what I was feeling.

I won't share the majority of this conversation, because my goal here is to defend myself not make drama worse by placing my own accusations in response. I was not treated nicely here, and my complaints were dismissed by saying I was victimizing myself. This was the point where I put "minefield moderators dni" in my pinned post because I felt attacked and uncomfortable. This dni would lead to later drama that won't be touched on here.

This was in response to me explaining that block evasion is harassment.

I am only providing this to give context here that while I did make mistakes, not all of it was my fault and I was not treated well by the mod team.

The reason that Pom left the server was because “no one checked to make sure I was okay” when the mods were focused on trying to make sure the minor who was wanting to commit was okay.

This one is partially true (in the sense that it wasn't the only reason I left) and I admit wrongdoing here. If I needed help I should've expressed that, and the mods trying to help W, who was also in crisis, was not a bad thing.

Past the point of the initial drama, I don't think I was at fault anymore. I will take responsbility for not handling my triggers well, however, everything afterwards was kind of terrible for me. If there's things I don't remember that I did wrong that are brought up, I will take accountability for that.

Everything after this point is about jiraiconfessions, so I will not be discussing further instances of harassment, or anything like that. Again, my goal here is not to accuse the other party, but rather clear my name. Even if I believe what was done to me is wrong, I still don't really want to deal with posting accusations. It's just not worth it.

I do not want to have to post further. I do not want to have to bring out evidence or whatever and I just want this to be over. I don't gain joy from this, it makes me miserable. That is why I am choosing to not include my own accusations even if I believe there are things that were done wrong to me that I deserve an apology for.

Ultimately, even after this post, we are still going to disagree and that's fine. Just please keep your disagreements private instead of saying things about me publicly that aren't even true.

Now there’s the issues of jiraiconfessions, the blog they run and mod. They allow ableism, misandry, misinformation, and a bunch of other horrible things to run rampant without anyone being able to comment against it. There are many instances where they have let anons say whatever without any sort of moderation.

I don't know what this person is talking about with ableism, and if there was an ableist ask that went under my nose, the best thing to do would be to use my appeal system to get it taken down. I would not post ableism knowingly.

Misinformation here likely just refers to me posting different opinions, honestly. If something was misinformation again... use the appeal system.

Misandry is non-systemic and that's why I choose to post misandry but not things like misogyny. I have friends on both sides of the whole thing, and I'd rather just not take a stance. I'm kind of in the middle, I understand the nuance that it is wrong to tell the oppressed they can't hate their oppressors, but I also understand that there are disenfranchised men like trans men and MOC and not all men are actually oppressors. This is why I trigger tag it and provide the "gender discourse" tag for people to filter. If someone would like to tell me why this is bad, again, the appeal system is an option.

I moderate my posts pretty heavily, actually. I read every post before I queue it, and I am responsive when an appeal does happen. You can actually find instances of me apologizing and taking down posts. I'm also human, so, yeah, I make mistakes.

I don't allow reblogs but I do allow people to post separately. This is partially for my own sanity and to try to negate drama. The rule was initially put in place because the confessions account on twt generates a lot of drama, and I figured most people would be discouraged from fighting each other if they had to go and make their own post about it. That's honestly all there is to it.

With their post getting traction is because people are calling out predators, making sure that minors know who to block and avoid. Pom has said that there is sex work included on jirai spaces, but the way they had responded to a recent anon makes it seem like they’re excusing it by saying “people will look for sex work” whole minors are being sent unsolicited dick pics and being groomed. It shouldn’t be normalized because “that’s what you’re getting into in jirai spaces.” If you catch my drift.

Firstly, it was not made in response to people calling out predators. It was separate. I did not know people were getting unsolicited images nor did I know people were being groomed. My post was to emphasize that yes there will be predators here and you need to keep yourself safe. The history with underage SW means there will be predators in this space. That's all I meant by it and using buzz words like "normalized" doesn't.. change the actual meaning of my post.

I am not normalizing anything by stating that minors need to be safe on here and that you should not have a public blog if you are at extreme risk and if those interactions will harm you greatly. I know that second half isn't what people want to hear, but it comes from a place of concern. I don't want people to be hurt.

It shouldn't happen at all, obviously, never did I say it was normal or okay.

AAAND thats a wrap.

Again. I didn't wanna do this. I didn't want this. There are multiple times where I said I felt like I had no other option and chose not to do it and just tolerated the harassment anyways.

I'm doing it now and this isn't even everything I could talk about.

I am tired. I am sorry if some things are worded bad especially towards the end. This is exhausting and I do not like it.

Please do not make me do this shit EVER AGAINNN man I HATE THIS SHIT !!!

[vigilskeep]

the whole team being like yay we rescued lucanis’ grandma 🩷 it’s nice that one of us got to save somebody 🩷 at this point in the game means ultimately i have to imagine that one day he mentions the abuse like it’s nothing over some kind of pleasant lunch.

[jichanxo]

how it started:

how it's going:

[multeasers]

Holy shit so much has happened in the past month and some days . First and foremost, though : while the hiatus is not over, zag is coming back eventually !! Residents of zag nation who are still here, I hope you are yippee'ing with glee :D !!!

Now, brief silliness aside, holy SHIT has so much gone on . A brief, actual tldr is that I'll be back sometime around August or September, depending on how things go, and that you can reach out to me on discord ( either by adding me while I have it up under the cut for a bit, or asking me for it later and I get it to you whenever I can ), but if you wanna read a whole lotta words that're half venting, half semi-explanation for why I left like I did :

Literally the day before I went on hiatus, my half brother and my younger sister dropped double whammies on us ; respectively, he broke both his ankles jumping off an 8ft drop in sandals like a dumbass, and everyone is scrambling to try and find a way to help my sister get through her last few classes of college, because FAFSA sucks major ass and also her poor student's salary is like Net Zero . My mom has had work stress since LAST YEAR piling on her more and more, and February was by far the worst month, and her being stressed has always stressed ME out because we do Not need her strokes coming back to haunt us when she's gone so long without them ; and then, while the actual diagnosis came here in early March, my grandma was finally officially diagnosed with alzheimer's ( she'd been diagnosed with dementia already ), and while we already knew it was coming way before it even happened like this,,,, god . I don't think mom anticipated the speed in which it'd hit any more than I did, because it's been absolutely brutal . I know it isn't fair for my patience to run thin in this case, all things considered, but it's hard to even Want to keep the peace when she's in this mean phase ( especially when she keeps bringing things up from when she was a lot more lucid that she'd already been trying to put me or mom down for, and that we for sure can't help at all because we've tried, but we won't get fully into all that ) . There's just no one else who can help her, and even less who want to, so mom and I have just tried our bests managing and trying to keep her from really just losing it . I can't say it's keeping mom and I from losing it any more than it does her, but all 3 of us are trying

To continue on with more unfortunate zag news is the fact that he won't be back until like, August or September though holy shit ; it'll be a matter of schedule for sure once mid-April hits, because I was already aware of everything going down then, but when I say the rest of the stuff that's gone down / going to go down around that time frame was a shocker,,,, zag has got 2 admit that it's all a little frazzling !! So I'm sorry I'll be gone so damn long 😭 I know I said initially that this hiatus would be longer than the rest, but I never thought it'd end up being THIS damn long,,,

At any rate, because it'll be so much time I'm away, what I said last time still holds : feel free to choose what you'd like to do regarding sticking around or not !!! My half brother had surgery today ( that I got roped into going to, which is a whole big story augh ) so I've got a bit of time to lurk, and thus I'll leave my discord towards the end of this so anyone who wants to continue interacting in any way can reach me, but if you decide / have already decided this is the end of our road, then there's no hard feelings on my end !! In fact, all I wanna say to that is I'll miss y'all, but thanks for sticking around for as long ( or briefly ) as ya did 🫂 and while I know anyone in the latter half likely won't see this, I just wanted the sentiment out there anyhow !

With that, though, that's the stuff ( well, as it pertains to just me / my family ) that influenced zag leaving like he did ; it most certainly isn't Every detail about what I've mentioned, but I felt like explaining this much because I Did mention possibly not coming back, and these had a significant role in coming to that conclusion ( and again, these pertain to me / my family, so I'm only mentioning what I'm comfy sharing at all ), so I felt it right to both address and apologize for it . Life has just been a lot lately, and these events combined with some other private matters just,,, have taken a lot outta me, honestly . Not that it's an excuse ( or, at least, I don't intend it to be one ), but sometimes I think stepping away for awhile is just easier,, and sometimes I think stepping away completely will be easiest ( it's all a matter of the headspace I'm in at the time, too, of course, which is also no excuse but is intended to be an explanation just as much ) . I know I can't get by on JUST explanations, though, and even if I could I'd feel like I can't, so like I said : I'm sorry to y'all that I let things get like that !! Since it's something that's clearly reoccurring ( and admittedly will likely continue to be, since it's just something I've always dealth with in various / similar ways throughout my life ), it's definitely something to figure out how to work on to minimize,, I'll do that in the time I'm away . Or at least try to !!

This is kinda all I've got now that I'm editing this before I head out again so uh . I said thanks in the tags if you read all this already, but thanks again if ya make it to the end of this, and see you guys whenever I'm back :D !

[icewindandboringhorror]

Recent things.. mostly just writing screenshots lol

[thecindercrow]

The podcast I’ve been doing volunteer transcripts for gave me a shoutout and compliments for my work in the new episode!

[kuiinncedes]

bfskflkdsjf

[goddamnitmahtin]

Damian’s Babysitter

This is a sequel to this post. Since it was actually based on a wild dream I had, I figured I’de add more.

Danny and Wes found the gala boring as all hell. Almost immediately after showing up, they were sent to off to the “kids room.” Were Danny and Wes full on adults? Yes. But apparently rich people don’t want to look at you if you don’t have access to money they can convince you to give them. Which honestly, fair. Danny and Wes didn’t want to look at the rich people either.

Danny and Wes walked into the room filled with discarded children and found a sofa to sit on. It wasn’t like they were going to actually try to mingle with these children. Most of them were very clearly going to be mean. Most of them that weren’t too young to hold a conversation with were standing around on little cliques gossiping to each other about each other. It was like if you took all of the pettiest 5th graders in the entire state and put them into one room.

“I still can’t believe we are doing this,” Danny said, groaning. This entire thing was such bullshit. The entire atmosphere felt so fake.

“Lucky for us, I brought my laptop so we can just game until it’s time to leave,” Wes said, pulling his laptop out of his bag.

“Oohhh so that’s why you brought a purse,” Danny said, poking fun at the style of the bag. It was duty of a cousin to be a menace after all.

“It is not a purse!” Wes said, laughing. He gave Danny a playful shove before opening the computer and pulling up the game library. All of the games on the laptop were single player so they were going to have to take turns. Danny told Wes to go ahead and go first.

“Daniel Fenton,” said a child’s voice. One that he recognized.

Danny looked up from the computer and smiled, “Damian! What are you doing here bud?”

The child scoffed as if Danny were stupid, “I am here with my father. What are you doing here? You aren’t a part of Gotham’s elite.”

Danny had babysat Damian plenty of times in Metropolis when his father had odd work hours. Never once did he even consider that Bruce was from Gotham. Or part of it’s elite. Danny had always gotten paid well and it was a nice gig so he never really asked questions. But now that he thought of it, if Damian lived in Gotham, why did he want a babysitter in Metropolis?

Wes shoved Danny in the rib, “Danny- I think this kid is-”

“I’m here as a favor to a friend,” Danny said, ignoring the dull pain in his ribs, “Sam Manson.”

The child nodded, “Yes, I know Sam. She is not as pathetic as the other elite spawn.”

Danny laughed, “I agree.”

“Wait, how do you two even know each other? And how come he gets to call you Daniel?,” Wes asked. He had paused his game and was looking back and forth between Danny and Damian.

“Oh this is Damian! I babysit him every once in a while,” Danny sad gesturing to the young boy.

“Yes, when my father has work in Metropolis, I request to spend that time with Daniel when I am not needed,” Damian stated matter of factly, he crossed his arms looking proud of himself as he said, “I gained the right to refer to him as Daniel by proving myself in hand to hand combat.”

Wes gave Danny a look and Danny just shrugged, “He wanted to spar, who was I to say no? The kid has moves and I respect that.”

Danny smiled proudly and so did Damian at the acknowledgment of his fighting prowess. Wes just looked at Danny like he was the stupidest person in the world.

Wes’ judgement didn’t last long as a discord call started to ring on his laptop. Danny watched as his face flushed before answering. He was about to ask who it was but before he could, he heard a crash and then Damian’s voice.

“HEY!”

Then another voice unapologetically, “Sorry! Haha!”

Danny looked to see if Damian was alright just to see him holding a platter like a frisbee one one hand and using the other to flip someone across the room the bird, “Fuck you Tim!” (not really)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my friend that I did not care it made her upset about some of the things I did with my OCs?

I (18F) made OCs with my friends: Kayla (18F), Bell (18F), and Kia (18F). Kayla said that she had a system that had fictives in it. I didn't really understand what she meant by that, but I wasn't going to judge. At least for a little while. We added a discord bot that would help Kayla be able to talk through her different identities in the server. But it got weird.

One day I saw her talking as if she was one of my ocs (I'll dub Chi for this post) and I felt weirded out by that. Kayla then announced that Chi was part of her system. She goes on about how Chi had suddenly appeared in her system and it took 2 days before her other identities accepted her as part of them.

I said that it was weird that Kayla put one of my ocs in her system, but she insisted she wasn't doing it on purpose. Bell and Kia asked me to just knock it off and respect Kayla because "people with systems can't control it when their system changes." I said that I don't like that she has Chi in her system and that Chi was my OC. This felt like someone was stealing my OC from me. Kayla got upset about that and said "you're upsetting everyone in my system by saying Chi doesn't belong there. We have all accepted her and hearing you reject her makes us all upset. Please apologize."

I refused to. Then I remembered that I had shared all of Chi's info in my own personal channel. The others can view it, but they can't type in it. So I deleted everything about Chi in there and left a note that Chi was being revised. That sent Kayla into a panic. "Stop! You can't!" She kept saying and "What did you do?" over and over again. I simply said that I was making changes to Chi. Kayla freaked out more over that and said that it was making her system distressed and that I needed to stop. I told her that I already set my mind to it.

Later I reposted Chi's info with some changes. Changed her from being a kind and caring person to cruel and dismissive. I also made it so that she had a criminal history and had murdered people before. She has trouble making friends and thinks everyone is constantly out to get her. To be honest, I like this version of her more than her previous incarnation.

Kayla did not like this and had a meltdown. She started screaming "what did you do?! What did you do?! What did you do to Chi?!" In the voice call we were having with Bell and Kia. She started begging me to change her back because Chi stopped responding in her system and has vanished. And the rest of her identities were in a panic now. She said "Murderer. You killed her. You killed Chi. For us, this feels like someone just died. A part of us is missing. We feel incomplete now. Please fix this. BRING HER BACK! CHANGE HER BACK! MURDERER! MURDERER! YOU'RE A MURDERER!"

I told her that I refused to change her back and this was the new Chi. This would be how Chi will be from now on no matter what people said because "My OC, my rules."

Kayla logged off of discord after calling me an asshole. Even Bell and Kia are siding with her saying that I took it too far. They also said I was an asshole for murdering a part of Kayla's like that. I said that Chi was not Kayla's to control, and that only I should get a say in what is done with Chi. They called me an asshole for not considering Kayla and her system's feelings right now because they were all mourning.

I don't think I did anything wrong, but maybe I should apologize. I would still refuse to change Chi back to what she was before though. So it would just be a half apology just to make her happy.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[dykeadvocate]

streamer!ellie meeting streamer!reader

summary: ellie basically being a big gay loser mess around reader

a/n: i’ve been wanting to write about streamer!ellie more so here we are

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

• she loves to go to twitch con. always excited to meet other streamers. the one twitch con she's been so excited to go to is the one you're attending.

• she'd be posting a twitter:

@carpetmuncherwilliams guys in 2 days im about to meet the love of my life!! we're literally gonna get married n have children together :33

@elliewstinks replied is this about y/n?

@carpetmuncherwilliams replied whattt no ALSO LETS TALK ABOUT YOUR USERNAME?? I DONT STINK TF

@yngamez replied cute.

• ellie DIED when she saw your reply. the blush on her face was so embarrassing.

• the day of the convention she was so nervous for multiple reasons. 1) she was meeting you? 2) what if she fucks up in front of you? 3) what if you don't like her?

• there were so many overthinking thoughts in her mind but they were all washed away when she finally met you.

• "ellie! c'mere, sweet girl." you called out to her, holding your hand out for her to take.

• she quickly took your hand in hers, relishing the way your skin felt against hers.

• you were already talking to a group of people but the moment she came over, your attention was given to her and only her. the way you looked at her had ellie blushing like a fool.

• you both hit off well though. talking about random things and getting to know each other on a personal level.

• "so, you maybe wanna hang after this convention is over?" you asked

• before this moment, everything was going well for ellie. she hadn't said anything stupid or embarrassing, but, of course, she fucked up.

• "sure. what's your discord?"

• you giggled at her and shook your head, "i think asking for my number would be more romantic."

• the colour DRAINED from ellie's face. no way she just asked for a cute girls discord. is she really that much of a loser?

• you didn't seem to mind though. you thought it was funny and cute that ellie asked that.

• when you departed ways, your number in ellie's phone, she was over the moon. of course she had to tell twitter about this.

@carpetmuncherwilliams i told you guys i had rizz. just got her number :p

@yngamez replied i wouldn't say your 'rizz' is immaculate as you did ask for my discord instead of my number, but ur cute so i'll let it slide

@buffjesse replied no fucking way you asked for her discord you fucking loser. god you are never gonna hear the end of this. just wait till i tell dina LMFAOOO

@carpetmuncherwilliams replied i hope u choke and die jesse

yeah, she was definitely a loser, but she was your loser.

[gor3sigil]

Trans drag performers deserve better.

Okay so since y'all seem interested, here we go.

[This is about MY experience as a “former” transmasc drag king, in my local scene. This isn't representative of the drag scene as a whole because drag is a wide, huge scene with pretty much any type of people in it. I have never done paid gig. I only performed a couple of times before deciding to stop.]

I discovered drag with RuPaul like a lot of people, and for a long time, I only knew about drag queens. It’s when I learned about an initiation to drag king happening in my town that I decided to try it. I did a bit of research before the event took place and that's how I learned that drag king is widely undocumented, compared to drag queen. A bit disheartening but I was excited to do something new and especially to get back in my local queer community after 2 years or so of “no contact” with it because trauma (see my post about my first T4T relationship to understand why).

First surprise when I got there, I was the only transmasc present as an attendee. The organiser and person who teached us is agender and go by he/him, and his at the time SO is a transmasc enby but appart from them, I was the only trans person. Most of the others were cis lesbian women. Makes sense. The initiation weekend went really well and we ended up performing in an open scene at the end. I can't count the amount of times I got misgendered by other kings during this weekend and I have to say, it pissed me off so fucking bad because I was the only one getting consistantly misgendered. But I brushed it off and had a blast.

My drag persona is more of a dragula king, really goth, and I did a lipsync performance on a Black Dresses song. I loved it and had a blast. A year or so later, we decided with other drag kings to do a little group to perform together.

Once again, I'm the only trans person.

And that's when the shitshow kinda happened. From all the drag kings present, I was also the only one who wasn't already part of a collective. So the group we had was composed of people from 2 collectives who would basically cheer each other out at every show, and it's great !! But I wasn't being integrated into the group, and I felt defeated. One of the main reasons why I didn't go to drag shows was because I was FLAT BROKE. I couldn't attend these events as they were always or in a bar so you have to at least buy a drink, or had a fee, and I couldn't afford that.

We started doing rehearsals and I set up a discord server for us all to use and organize the said rehearsals. It soon became apparent that they weren't really serious about this group, that they were more involved in their own collectives and it was HELL to have at least one rehearsal a month. But we had a show scheduled for september, and half of the kings weren't ready, didn't know their texts nor songs. I knew it was going to be bad. Also we were confirmed that the gig was going to actually happen 3 days only before, because the people who said they were going to do the visuals NEVER DID and we had to fumble something quick so the event was promoted very fucking late and we weren't sure we could even afford to do it, because not many tickets were sold.

During the rehearsals I got singled out for everything. My voice was dropping because of the T (I had started 8 months prior) and I tried to do my best with the singing parts but got told a few times that my low voice would sound “weird” amongst the sopranos. Also, one of the solo part a king was going to perform was on a very upbeat music and he said we could join IF WE WANTED.

I said I'd pass since it wasn't my style at all.

And when we got to the venue, the venue didn't have any backstage and I had my solo part just after that, so I couldn't just stand there on stage and do nothing. The others in my group KNEW IT as they had performed in this venue BEFORE but just told me “oh, too bad, improvise something” when they were the same ones who told me that taking part in the number was not mandatory.

Regarding the other artists, man, I hated everything. I got misgendered constantly IN KING LIKE - I'M A DRAG KING FFS. Even by others in my group.

When I corrected another performer, a cis gay dude, he laughed at my FACE and told me “but you're trans aren't you like, against gender or something ?”. As I was pre op and still early in my transition I was basically outing myself everytime I told my pronouns and I got so many cis performers ask me invasive questions about my sex life, or being like “yeah I have a trans friend who goes by X but I knew them as Y so it's Y to me but it's not in a disrespectful way you see”.

So yeah, I didn't have a great night. :)

The cis kings called me “girl” or “sis” because “I'm one of them” even after telling them time and time again that I wasn't comfortable with that.

And after this quite disastrous experience, the same ones who called me “girl” and me got into an argument because they wanted to change a song about forced toxic masculinity which is an INCREDIBLY POWERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL SONG into lyrics to talk about femininity. I said that we could use another song then, because there's so few cis men singers who sing about being forced into toxic masculinity and virility that I found that a bit disrespectful to take this important message and make it about women and femininity. There's plenty of songs about that that we could use.

And now guess what ? I was a MEAN MAN who wanted women to NOT TALK ABOUT THEIR ISSUES because I was a very MANLY DUDE DISGUSTING MALE.

The same people who couldn't gender me correctly and called me “sis” a WEEK BEFORE.

So yeah, I got the fuck out and gave up.

I really wish I can perform again one day, but it'll be in another scene.

So PSA: book drag kings, because they are so underrepresented it's disheartening, RESPECT trans drag performers, don't but bioessentialism in drag for the LOVE OF GOD IT'S DRAG. Like imagine being transphobic as a DRAG PERFORMER. Learn the history. And fucking do better.

[fog-clan]

Next: Moon 31

Previous: Moon 29

Ok I just want to say a couple of things real quick, Coalthorn is not a violent dude hes just been pushed to his absolute limit,, he didn't scratch Rain or anything just smacked his arm off of him (Im not sure if it translated perfectly in the page so I just want to be sure thats known!! Secondly, id like to admit something,, I did interfere with the game here, I said I wouldn't but I had to I was getting so sick and tired of Rain asking that I removed his ability I was hopeful in the beginning that they might go poly, but after so many denied proposals I decided it all felt too gross to me now even if Coalthorn did accept at some point Hope you understand my reasoning, and there luckily will be no more asking from Raintiger smh

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