#just me drifting through life :-(
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
#carmilla#carmillaseries#carmilla series#just saw someone talk about 'growing up with the show' and now I need to know because I genuinely thought 99% of us were uni students#I was 21#this is also making me realize how many of the people I met through the fandom are just. not in my life anymore#not usually for any dramatic reason! we just drifted apart#but I swear most of them were in their early 20s too. there were some even older fanartists who were really big in the fandom#the artist who did the How Is Laura comic comes to mind
307 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
sexy himbo jock interpretations of James Tiberius Kirk are silly and do a disservice to the character for a lot of reasons, not least of which is that it fundamentally ignores all the times in canon when Kirk is faced with a scientific discovery or oddity and you can see the effort it takes for him not to clap and skip with excitement. like in āthe devil in the darkā when Spock posits that they might be dealing with a silicon based life form and McCoyās like ābut thatās impossible!ā and Kirk literally crosses the room to flirt talk excitedly with Spock about the prospect and how it could work! and what it would mean!
What Iām saying is, Kirkās gotta be smart and a huge dork because how else could he pull a bad autistic bitch like Spock?
#see also:#in arena when the aliens let the enterprise watch Kirkās fight with the Gorn on that fuckass asteroid#and Spock is like listing the elements present that Kirk could use to build a weapon or make an explosion or whatever#but Kirk canāt hear him! because heās on a fuckass asteroid#but he still turns around and does exactly what Spock was describing because heās ALSO SMART AND CAPABLE AND GOOD AT SCIENCE#and like! you just know Spock was likeā¦.barely containing his lust in that moment#like your bestie your life partner your other half is out there showing why youāre soooo drift compatible#while also being good at science (your favorite thing)???#I wouldnāt be normal about it either#(Iām very clearly not normal about it anyway)#like you know theyāre excitedly sharing science journal articles in their free time because theyāre dweebs!! theyāre dorks!!#the greatest trick this show pulls off is making you think Kirk and Spock are opposites#when in fact their whole thing is āhow differently can two people be raised and move through life and still be the epitome of#whatever souls are made of his and mine are the sameā#Iām sorry I had a smarter more coherent Star Trek post I was trying to write but Iām not feeling coherent at all#so you get this instead#Star Trek#star trek tos#tos#Iām still in season one so no one correct me if they swerve super hard and never let Kirk be smart ever again after that#let me have this
68 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
i also made this little doodle tonight. hello
#RECORDED BROADCAST#PEARL - AQUAMARINE#thinking about just making my art and normal blog one and the same#idk too much effort to switch back and forth to me#lethal company#lethal company desmond#desmond lethal company#desmond#in my mind's eye desmond is like. the last surviving member of the original crew#sigurd included#and he just kind of stumbles through life with it drifting more and more out of his fingers the more time he spends at that job#until he eventually kicks the bucket one way or another#and he finally finds out what's on the other side of the door in the sky#lyrics are from dream puzzles' āif u only knewā it's what inspired most of this :3
38 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
happy anniversary to all the friendships where we truly thought we could make it through together
#moen art#moen sona#the slow acceptance that oh. im going to spend the majority of my life by myself is making me feel things okay#friends that ended up in fights into no contact into drifting no matter how much we went through together i still love you#learning to try to be okay with like. an empty apartment in the future and. mm#i think the anniversary for the ones where they raised me passed recently this month aha we kinda forgot to wish eachother this year and th#last#yk these drawings all started cause i just wanted to hug emmet its insane HAHA#DOMT GET ME WRONG IM OUT OF SO MANY SHITHOLES NOW#its more of. life is so peaceful now but i wish it wasn't cause it could also be harrowingly silent and empty
28 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
#just me drifting through life :-(#this pic is funny but...#rn i'm very sad and scared of the future#scared af#fr#slav life#slav aesthetic#permanent slave#weirdcore#oddcore#strangecore
11 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
i miss being on tumblr a lot.
#i feel like-#no i know i've drifted from the community on here because life just changed a lot for me and i wanted to focus more on where my life#was going at the time#and i think feeling more disconnected with taylor had something to do with drifting from here#and idk what to do about it#i just miss having community a lot#even if it is just through a phone screen
17 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
so many people have said that as you approach your 30ās things start to fall into place but I donāt feel that at all. the closer I get the more it feels that everything is dissolving and falling apart
#itās not all in a bad way!#Iām hoping Wendell Berry is right and it may in fact be that when we have lost our way our real journey begins#and there is something where in the dissolution of certainty God enters and directs us the way He wants us to go#and reminds us that weāre not strong and independent from Him but children in His hands#but I would be lying if I said I didnāt miss the certainty of 2018/22/younger Maria#I donāt quite know this new self#except for teaching everything is uncertain and I sort of darenāt pick up the colored pencils of life to do anything with them#I guess thatās what makes me really grateful for teaching#itās firm and sure contact between me and the outside world#but everything else is just drifting and I am at sea!#anyways I am so sorry for putting personal self-reflection and analysis on your dash on this Easter morning#ewww ugh disgusting blegh Iām sorry#but trying to gain some clarity through words#Happy Easter! thank you for listening!! praying for you all
27 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
man i sure wish i had the energy to do anything at all!
okay well it's not entirely true that i haven't been doing anything. i'm cooking. trust.
#meds make it so i can't really strongly differentiate between depressive episodes and regular depression#it's moreso a constant depression with random spurts of energy in between long periods of doing nothing but sleeping and working#but the art i HAVE managed to produce has gone pretty hard ngl.#i think it's also the current political climate here in america. it's hostile and i'm drifting away from my family because of it#and that's been pretty rough#it's been a gradual drift away that started in high school and has just intensified through adulthood#but i love my friends and my favs and cats and music#i think coming to terms with being disabled has been a punch to the gut since now my options SHOULD be open. but there's SO MUCH i can't do#things are looking up for me in the general sense. i'm in a good spot in my life right now but that doesn't stop the perpetual brainfog#nothing will ever really stop this everpresent depression but i'm generally stable and healthy so it is what it is#it feels good to love and be loved and that's what keeps me going#if i'm sad? sleep it off. go to work then sleep for 16 hrs a day on my days off. then work again. easy#the life of a productive little worker bee is great!#ress thinks#okay rant over. i'm not in a bad place rn dw! i just like to yap
14 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
#[me seeing alan who I love more than life itself looking so handsome] heās like the devil to me#I cannot make it through a single ep lately without picking up my laptop to make edits heās just so. preternaturally gorgeous#james spader#alan shore#boston legal#*#love that little couch in his officeā¦ he always has such good talks sitting there. and his little naps#late nights going over case files. catching up on paperwork kicking off our shoes#bored and exhausted enough to drift off topic. his guard down heās not putting on an act. making him laugh that cute little giggleā¦
10 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
@katkastrofa: *writes a single throwaway line in one chapter of Lost and Found that is never referenced again*
Me, completely randomly and with no prompting: Alright, betā
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original characters#as if I donāt have enough of those already#I really donāt know what possessed me here. I mean. sometimes my mind did drift to this mention of Zaheerās sisters#because broken bonds is my absolute favourite LaF chapter. but I ever really thought of them that much since Kat never brought them up agai#and then about 24h ago I randomly remembered them again and was like. hey. pāli and ghazanās sisters play a huge role in our stories#and ming-hua is an only child. so what of zaheerās sisters? what are they like? do they ever cross his mind? are they aware of his crimes?#and in the afternoon I went digging through my art supplies bc I felt like painting and found my old 2020-2022 sketchbook with 2 empty page#so I thought. why not. itās been a while since Iāve done traditional art. so I pulled up a reference of rich EK outfits from the artbooks#and got to work. drew this up in about half an hour? traditional sketching is a lot faster than digital for some reason#then took a picture and cleaned up and coloured in procreate. and Iām really happy with the end result#this was hella fun to do as well so.. win-win?#alright enough backstory rambling. on to the characters themselves#I looked up Zaheerās name and apparently that particular spelling is urdu in origin. so I went off that#the article I found was written edited and fact checked by three pakistani women so I think itās about as trustworthy as these things go#summiya means āa woman of proper nameā and aiza means ārespected high place in societyā. which I thought were fitting for noble girls#for outfits and hairstyles. like I said. I turned to the avatar artbooks. those things are life savers. I just played around with colours#looks wise I colour picked from zaheer and then shifted around a little so they look similar enough yet not like clones of each other#but theyāre also teenagers here so they wouldnāt resemble book 3 Zaheer much anyway#kat never mentioned ages but since their mother was looking for matches I assumed they were older than zaheer#he ran off at 11 or 12 iirc. so I decided they would have been 16 and 14 respectively#though in their community matches are probably made much earlier than actual marrying age. still.#if it was such a pressing matter that their mother was āpreoccupiedā with it. then they were probably teenagers right#thatās what Iām gonna go for anyway since currently I have no information to disprove any of this#oh yeah Kat btw if you did have images of Zaheerās sisters in mind before this then you donāt have to replace them. I just filled a blank#weāve never talked about them so I assume thereās nothing. feel free to correct me. maybe someday weāll discuss their personalities/lives#all I have is that they probably werenāt too close with zaheer. and their lives now are all about husbands kids and status. but weāll see#hope you like them anyways <3
6 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
"The more that I grow, the more that I've come to know; it's hard to be someone and it hurts to be nobody."
#I'm thinking about making a personal tag for all the music I post#something like 'Mel's Mixtape'? I feel like I've already seen that somewhere though so I don't wanna be copying anyone#if anybody has any ideas let me know!#+ that lyric gutter punched me when I first listened to COAP#(bit of a vent/rant incoming so nobody feel pressured to read)#I've spent the majority of my life with anxiety (especially social anxiety) and depression#so I got stuck on the idea of being a 'nobody'; a person you never even notice just drifting through It All#but then I got jealous (per say) of people who had big friendgroups and were 'popular' etc and wanted to become 'somebody'#a person maybe even in the public eye#so I spent years trying to make myself into someone I wasn't and spent the whole time suffering#and eventually people realised I was not what I wanted to be (I wasn't like *them* in that sense) and they spent their days making sure ->#I knew it#so yeah#it is hard to be someone but it hurts to be nobody#even so I've found myself a good middle spot with a few friends who know me for *me* a good major and a lot of lovely moots#I ain't someone but I ain't nobody either <3#mel's thoughs#spotify#halfā¢alive#half alive#conditions of a punk#coap#nobody (song)#melitunes
5 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
He won't leave my fucking friends alone.
#tales from diana#sorry this is about that bad friend i have to break up w that ive posted abt on and off the past couple weeks/months maybe#i still have to send him that final 'i dont wanna speak to you ever again'#ive been fucking busy ok. my summer has been full of family events and obligations#i have one brother getting married and the other having a baby!!! i have a LIFE and SHIT TO DO and PPL TO BE THERE FOR other than YOU!!!#i havent spoken to him in over 2 months too and he knows it's bc i don't want to#he's so difficult bc you can't fucking tell him the truth. you can't!!! he can't handle it!!! do you know how hard it is to handle???#the things i have to do to cut him off. because he doesn't respect normal fucking boundaries. make ME feel like im in the wrong#like im the shady person and the liar.#i can't drift from him bc hell pull me back#i can't communicate w him bc he won't hear anything i have to say he'll just turn it around & make it abt himself.#he literally does not understand ppl having motivations to do things that don't relate to him#and he has no sympathy for what he does to other ppl. nothing but self-pity for how they don't like him anymore.#if he dealt w someone who put him through half of what he put ME through. no he couldn't actually.#i only allowed him to manipulate me for so long because i cared abt him. who i thought he was.#and he just point blank period doesn't care about other ppl. so he could never go through what ive gone through w him.#i feel like all this friend breakup has proven to me is that im actually a good person and it can be used against me by ppl who arent#some fucking lesson i needed to learn huh?#i hate feeling as negatively towards anyone as i do towards him. it's so hard for me not to have at least#a little spark of hope deep down for everyone. even ppl ive removed from my life before. i dont HATE them#theyve disappointed me or insulted me or mistreated me but at least their motivations seemed simple and clear#and MOST of them seemed to understand SOMEWHAT that they were in the wrong#even if they don't admit it to me or still find an excuse to hate me. whatever#i can see them as ppl who might feel remorse someday and grow from it#i do not see it in this guy. bc if you have a problem w him he'll only make it 20 times worse.#he's so selfish it genuinely baffles me to think about it. and he's one of the least honest ppl ive ever known.#he'll never see the error of his ways. i do not believe he has that capacity.#and will i say none of this to him? no#im just going to say thanks for leaving me alone these past couple months. it's been good for me.#i don't think i can continue our friendship anymore for my own sake.
8 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
i hope this post finds you well! quick little soft reboot!
i want to do a soft reboot of this blog! i won't be moving or doing a deep clean, but i do want to start fresh in that i think that the best thing for that is retiring most if not all old threads. it's been a while and i'm not sure if The Muse is there and i certainly don't expect it from anyone! so i won't jumpscare anyone with a thread from 2 years ago lol. i miss writing with you all and in a silent lurk i've read what you guys write on the dash for a couple days and it ignited that spark again to want engage in that!
if you see this and you want a little starter thrown your way, let me know!
#ć Ā ooc. Ā ć Ā boonta eve drift.#i know ive been gone and gone here and there#my intention was to always kinda keep this blog lowkey#but i've simply not even been here which is my b i want to make an effort of being here somewhat consistently#nothing serious just simple life stuff & trying to be less online#i think im rediscovering my passion for writing and i really want to get back into it#rp in particular is fascinating because of that connection between writers and through interactions having you#adapt and plot and learn too in a sense? if that makes sense lol#i think that during the period that i was writing on here it helped me develop as a writer in aspects i never really thought about#things like voice and the perspective of characters and dynamics#dynamics especially! because i had the problem before when writing character relationships in solo felt a bit one note and almost monotonou#writing here really taught me how to make the distinction between characters and the nuances that define a relationship#so um yeah#i checked who i follow and my goodness was there a mass exodus! many non active for 1+ years#makes me feel a bit less alone in my leave lol#oh! in the time i've been here on and off i've learned fr*nch! so salut mes amis! i sincerely apologize!
3 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
ryuu's always had an innate sense of curiosity to him an intrigue that's just . . . been there but not really pursued until he got swept into the trip to london and became a lawyer
truly, it's the idea of "unlocked potential"
he can be observant when he's actually putting his mind to it (as opposed to being pretty oblivious otherwise) he genuinely does enjoy sorting through mysteries and finding out how things work (both scientifically and psychologically when it comes to figuring people out)
it honestly just took kazuma's influence and unending belief in his abilities to fully engage in them, and said curiosity and thirst for knowledge is only encouraged and amplified by his exposure to the great detective and all the cases they've solved together (ą¹Ėļø¶Ėą¹)
#Ā« headcanon Ā»#not me sobbing over the fact that ryuu REALLY started living his life to the fullest#only after all the events of the game unfold#he was just kinda . . . drifting through existence for the most part#then he got caught up in following KAZUMA'S dream#which helped to be a further distraction from figuring out his OWN desires#but he eventually just came to . . . genuinely love what he does ?#whether it's solving mysteries with sholmes or#protecting people who dESERVE it in court -- digging into everything he possibly can to stand for them#listen my gf left on saturday after a two-week visit#i'm coping with my sadness by making myself more sad over fiction#forever dead over the incredible narrative and character arcs of these games like wHAT THE CRAPPOLI
5 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
rediscovered my old tf rp blog and the nostalgia is borderline painful
#i love drift so much i loved writing him SO much#this is just me processing weird emotions in tags ignore it but like#when i saw the time stamp of my last post there being 4 years ago i got so sad#i miss the friends and community i has through that blog it was such a huge part of my life and i havenāt spoken to any of them in years#i definitely fucked up some of my close friendships there thru my own wildly unchecked mental illness back then#and i regret it now and iāve changed so much as a person but idk if iād ever want to try to reach out to them again#thatās just life ig i donāt hold any bad feelings toward anyone from that time period anymore. anyway.#donāt rly have anyone to talk to abt this so just needed to get it off my chest#still tho i miss drift i miss rp i miss the tf fandom i had it was so fun#delete later maybe
4 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
.
#i feel like my brain just so broken recently#i have so much actually very important stuff to do that i want to do to a high standard but none of it is happening#and even things i want to do for fun i still somehow don't have the time to do#I'm just sat in the middle struggling to do nothing all the time#that and I've got like 3 friends in this city and 2 of them I've only known about 6 months and I'm pretty sure see me as just an acquaintan#ce who won't stop messaging them hdjgh#ugh idk i just miss the magical me from 2021 who could wake up at 7.30 and do things#and the even more magical me from 2019 who had a social life#meanwhile I'm surrounded by people who know so much about their field and can talk about it so clearly and#I'm just poking through it just like everything I've worked on#like idk i feel like I'm in everything i do so shallowly#friendships work relationships family everything i just kinda drift over it
3 notes
Ā·
View notes