#i just miss having community a lot
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i miss being on tumblr a lot.
#i feel like-#no i know i've drifted from the community on here because life just changed a lot for me and i wanted to focus more on where my life#was going at the time#and i think feeling more disconnected with taylor had something to do with drifting from here#and idk what to do about it#i just miss having community a lot#even if it is just through a phone screen
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ep 43 had me tearing up in a fucking shopping centre ‼️‼️
b+w alt version that I truly couldn't decide if I liked it more . Also I included a lot of thoughts in the tags but they're somewhat incoherent<3
#i dont know what i expected but i was waiting for a friend and too excited to wait until later#malevolent podcast#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent#malevolent fanart#grimm art#ep 43#ep 43 left me with a lot of thoughts ... i didnt quite like how much of a recap it felt like at times but that might#be because ive been relistening and like yeah everyone knows that john 🙄 but that's not the case for everyone and with monthly uploads#things get forgotten easily#i find the discussion of “humanity” so interesting because John has shown that without someone that he has forcibly grown to value as an#equal... something he cannot do as the king of yellow as he is superior to all of his realm and presumably stays out of other elder god's#anyway. without that equality and enviroment to grow he fails to reach his goal of compassion and falls onto old ways.#John. The King in Yellow. shown by both times each has found themselves in human form do not just crave power and influence!!!#THEY CRAVE COMMUNITY!!! an endrich being not born or raised with nothing but power and ego#CRAVES COMMUNITY.#His goal of “humanity” is not a selfless goal like John projects - it is ultimately somewhat selfish as he does not want to be alone!!#which makes this desire so much more human#i don't know maybe this is just me spelling out whats already there but the way john and the witch argued about humanity frustrated me#it felt like they were missing the point or that perhaps the “good/evil” “black/white” retoric was already realised by me and john needed#realise it himself . which is fair !!!#i dont know!!!!#the witch was talking about how bad everyone was and how humanity is cruel and john was talking about Lily (#who also frustrates me how shes used in the plot somewhat she was literally just a nurse doing her job bro#) but to John - yes internally he is struggling with his moral greyness and im so proud of him for growing being himself SO PROUD#JUST.!!! he wants community. he needs community. he loves his friend. 'humanity' at its core does not matter as long as you try to be bette#and i think thats awesome and i really enjoyed the episode#guhh im rambling enjoy my tag rambling i dont know i want john to have more friends :(#yorrick can be another friend godd i love you yorrick so silly
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I simply think this fandom doesn't give Wei Wuxian enough credit for the various ways in which he saved Lan Wangji
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wangxian#idk man- i just see a lot of “Lan Wangji has always been protecting Wei Wuxian” posts and its like...#I mean... Lan Wangji has always certainly been trying to protect Wei Wuxian#it took him a long time to figure how to successfully do that though#rereading the books rn and noticing theres a lot of instances that could be read as lwj being frustrated over his inability to protect wwx#like he seemed ready to cry when wwx went missing for a while and then came back with the cursed leg#lwj has always been great at protecting wwx from physical threats (ex: waterborn abyss) but had no idea how to protect him from himself#meanwhile wwx has always been instictually good at saving lwj from both#like I'm 100% lwj would've become like Jiang Cheng if wwx hadn't snapped him out of the blindly following authority thing#and also like... 15 y/o lwj wasnt happy with his life. he was lonely and stressed and literally signing up to be flogged whenever he goofed#wwx is who allowed lwj to grow up by showing him what it was like to actually be a kid (shown in story whenever lwj gets drunk)#he led lwj to having a more flexible mindset. and it both let lwj relax and set lwj up to be a better parent#looking into lwj's dynamic with the juniors- he lets them break a fuck ton of the petty rules and encourages them to question authority#he also teaches them to not be married to any one meathod of problem solving#wwx is also able to save lwj from his own stubbornness#ex: carrying lwj when he broke his leg. getting lwj to cough up bad blood. getting lwj to keep the rabbits#wwx also tends to give lwj the words he has trouble saying himself. helps him communicate#wwx also protects lwj in fights a lot but thats narratively less important#except the various times wwx puts himself in danger to help lwj. those times are what made it so lwj could never move on from wwx#like with the cave incident#or when wwx helped surpress the arm instead of using the chaos to escape cloud recesses#tldr i guess: i think this fandom tends to treat lwj being the best like its natural to him when really wwx accidentaly rewired his brain#I'm looking directly at fanfic writers who act like the Lans would've treated wwx better than the Jiangs#lwj had to do so much work and self reflection post meeting wwx to be the way he is. he is not the sole product of the Lan teachings
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you know before the catalogue of ships when homer is like yeah i couldn’t name all these guys individually even if i had ten tongues and ten mouths and an untirable voice and a bronze heart. the thing is like. poems do have ten tongues and ten mouths and an untirable voice and a bronze heart
#i think part of why i’m often like. ehhh. about first person poems where the speaker is just thinking / saying stuff#is that a poem is capable of having ten tongues and ten mouths etc#like you can have a good poem that is just one guy! but a lot of poems just default to that and it is boring#AT THE SAME TIME i don’t like poems with too many guys in it#bcs there is already the speaker and the shape of the poem and the reader and the beast in the space#and some other guys i feel like i’m missing#it can’t get too crowded in there#but when the speaker is the speaker but they also have ten tongues and ten mouths and communication’s mistakes in the magic medium are#coming out of them. yessssss#<- whatever. poetry is like possession the pythia said this#when she invented dactylic hexameter. according to pliny the elder#ATTEMPT ONE BILLION AT FALLING ASLEEP BEGINS NOW#beeps
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next year's resolution is to reach out more & try my best to find communities where i feel like i belong
#reaching out more even if it is online!#lizzie and yenna i was going through our messages :(#i miss talking to uuuu#and just being more present here in general.#now talking irl#i told myself i'd have lots of friends when i moved cities etc.#i have a few from college but i wanted to expand my horizons#but why does it feel so hard to find community?#like i can't think of anything for free that i can genuinely enjoy#and build friendships..
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As we approach the next arc in the story, an outfit change is now on the horizon! The question is, what are our lads going to wear?
(Please also vote in the Wei Wuxian poll!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#outfitting arc#poll#Reminder that these outfits are just for the next arc#so they are sticking around for a while but will change later#Community feedback was the most consistent on wanting blue/baby blue for lwj#but alas there are not nearly as many outfits for him to reference are there are for wwx!#I did my best to come up with a few that still fit while being easy enough to draw#I haven't been drawing lwj nearly as much as wwx but I have missed him dearly. He's gonna be featured a lot more in the next arc though#I like to imagine they have a little magic bag of holding that they keep their wardrobes in.#and yes. LWJ is ALWAYS packing his beach ready bikini.#(once again I will be linking these polls together as soon as I can! )
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Noah fence but if you can't handle thinking about the actual story of Mouthwashing and you just want to imagine silly found family scenarios with the crew on the Tulpar then maybe you shouldn't be engaging with HORROR media...... just a thought.
#mouthwashing#100% gonna regret tagging it but whatever it's been on my mind a lot recently#i feel like mouthwashing absolutely should not have been fandom-ified the way it has been#I'm not saying that no one should enjoy it. I'm not saying that no one should make silly memes or hcs or fanart#I just feel like all the people who are like#“mouthwashing but nothing bad happens and everyone has a good time and Jimmy is a normal person and/or dies”#are kind of..... severely missing the point of the game#it feels almost disrespectful in a way. this game was clearly trying to communicate some heavy stuff#and ppl are just throwing that all away to play with the characters like dolls#I mean obv it's not really my business how other ppl engage with media but scrolling through the tags I'm like. man cmon#anyway Daisuke is my newest chew toy blorbo but if I try to draw him I need to actually be put down for real#rambles#(it's too late btw I already sketched him bc I was annoyed by seeing all the fanart where he just has a gash across his face)#(he got an AXE TO THE FACE)#oops it's 5 am lol
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Give me five whole minutes.
Credits: Me
#I sobbed like a baby during Missing Limbs but I didn't expect the end of Euclid to catch me so bad#but hearing that line. hearing that *song* that has constantly ran rampant in my mind. That I've held so close to my chest? Amazing#absolutely fucking amazing#let alone getting to sing it along with 20k other people#the Espera sounded gorgeous Vessel sounded gorgeous and ii iii and IV played wonderfully well#(about to be a bit vunerable so bear with me)#I said in one of my other posts that 'I think my soul came out of my body for a bit' and I mean that whole heartedly. because this is where#call it an extreme reaction but I felt all my blood go out of my fingers and just this. humungous weight peeling itself off of my shoulders#I jokingly call myself a cockroach a lot because I tend to have bitterly bad luck and just try my best to get back up after it and this jus#I'm describing as I go and it's the hardest thing to illustrate#I felt welcomed. like the warm feeling when you come home and the heatings on in Winter#never will I ever fully be able to execute the thanks I have for what this band has done for me#for what you guys in this community have done for me#this felt like a peak and I think I'll forever being going upwards from here. this and you guys have made the climb so much easier#perhaps the appropriate time to simply say 'worship'#mel's rambles#mel's photos#sleep token#st#teeth of god tour#tog tour#vessel#vessel sleep token#euclid#song euclid#tmbte#sleep token tmbte#take me back to eden#+ again. kindly ignore me crying and singing
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forever hilarious to me that tennis is promoted as this prestigious highbrow big-brain sport when most tennis fans these days are like. yeah this is my favorite player. yeah i don't know why they're like that. yes they are stupid. no i will not choose somebody else.
#wta tennis#atp tennis#i feel like the era of...shall we say 'federer-esque' players is waning#which i think can in part be related to the loss of the one-handed-backhand#as the sport moves more toward a necessity for fitness and athleticism players do not put as much emphasis on 'art'#which imo is fine! i think the 'art' of tennis is too protected in some ways. which i maybe will expand on later.#but i think it's too much for the tags of a (mostly) silly post#but yeah you can hear a lot of commentators touch on it#i know nadal even said something abt it recently(ish)#but i think as tennis is gradually less associated with this abstract 'image' (e.g. the obsession with federer's 'grace' and 'class')#players are coming in thinking 'this is a physical battle and i am going to win' and very much leaning into the *competition*#which not to say that they're ignoring/denying the mental aspects at all because i actually do think many players are very strategic/aware#and in truth i think many tennis players ARE actually very smart#but i also think it's less apparent because more and more players are able to just hit the shit out of the ball and call it a day#which leaves you with the occasional shot/point/game/set/match etc where it seems like they don't know what the fuck they're doing#but you think about most sports which evolve in phases#it's very normal for certain player profiles to become more or less popular as the landscape of the sport changes#or as new techniques/strategies are developed#or as new communities/populations become interested!#extreme example but think of like. high jump's fosbury flop. that was one guy!#one guy who changed the entire fucking sport! so it makes perfect sense that tennis is continuing to evolve#given how many unique players have come and gone#and how much the sport is changing externally as well as internally#anyways. this got out of hand but i love sports and i love tennis and i love my brainless players.#this whole post was inspired by rewatching sabalenka v boulter and aryna completely missed an overhead by like five feet. lol#love her <3
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I've started playing Potion Permit, and so far it's one of my favorite games I've messed around with, but the most big brained move the devs made was giving you a dog on day 1, and then making that dog able to track NPCs and lead you directly to them no matter where they are in the town.
#im still early game but i like the play and the writing is passable#like#Theres a flatness#the characters Are distinct but theyre mostly just their jobs#with only a few who stand out and have like. something to really grab onto#Like rue? rues entire deal is little girl you can date. Nothing else behind those eyes. She has nothing better to talk to you about#than the fact her favorite color is red#Sorcelia? Sorcelia is a goth nun who loves singing and teaches one of the village children#Reynerd? sure is a guy#got nothing else to say about him. hes just a Guy™. Victor? Has ghost friends and loves bugs and cares deeply about the cemetery#he tends to. At the moment it feels like they're trying to imply there aren't actually ghosts. and hes just talking to himself/#insisting his imaginary friends are real people#and so far? The games been cool about it. Victor's a member of his community and his eccentricities are accepted and not ridiculed#all four characters ive mentioned are romance candidates. but its just as hit or miss with the regular towns folk#Opalheart is an older woman and a world renowned blacksmith who only takes jobs if they will do Good. regardless of whether or not they#pay well. She declines to make a dagger for a rich man but makes a helmet for a childs father bc the girl asked#and olive is here#anyways you can be best friends with a cat (shes just a regular cat) and i appreciate that#idk im putting it above sun haven in my ranking of life sim games#purely because there are older romance candidates.#no fat romance candidates. but sun haven doesn't have thise either.#and sdv has neither fat or old candidates Nor can you fuck a cat boy. it goes at the bottom.#gameplay wise sunhaven is at the bottom then sdv then potion permit at the top. sunhaven has the Most™ but having#a lot of crap doesn't mean its fun and it ends up making half the game feel really incomplete#idk. Sdv is a game you should've started playing a year ago. sun haven is a game that perpetually needs another year worth of updates#before id say its worth it bc the devs keep pushing content ™ updates instead of quality of life or polish so what is there is uh#Bad. plentiful. and a large portion is good#but a Lot is just bad.#its insincere and cant take itself seriously it gives you (the right dialogue option) an (the shit joke option) which is worse than just#i ram out of space. tldr. potion permit is good Now. sdv Was good. sun haven Might be great Eventually
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this isn't really a problem on tumblr & moreso on other platforms but i do wonder at what point the osc went from very obscure to being deemed "cringe..."
#as someone who has been here for 10 years it used to be this obscure & tightknit community of creators sharing what theyre passionate about#nobody knew what an Object Show was... and in offline spaces thats still true i suppose but#i had a lot of fun introducing object shows to people in 2016. people didnt automatically have some kind of preconceived notion about them#< i dont really let it get to me because the idea of calling something cringe is just so incredibly meanspirited and bad faith#and they arent the kinds of people youd want in the community anyways#the current popularity of the osc is earned. im glad theres more spotlight on passionate creators that have deserved it for a long time#however it also did bring with it bucketloads of negativity that make me miss how it used to be sometimes )':#Its ok. Both fans and creators are thriving despite it all. Our crops are watered. Its a net positive#Its just a little disappointing to see people who have never even seen what theyre talking about dismiss years of hard work like that#not art#< i dont normally ramble on here but i didnt really want to do it on twt either. scratching my head
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It's super late, but I wanted to do a quick "art vs artist" / summary of 2024 :] mostly long form animation and slugcat sketches this year, but I snuck in a few good ones.
#Idk how to tag this#art summary#Sure#Most of my art has been on mobile since I've been so sick#But when I actually pull myself up to draw on pc it makes me happy#Some of the art here I never even posted to this blog lol#I have that secondary blog I just shove all my more personal stuff into. It's fantastic. Wish I made it sooner#It's been a while since I did a life update... Hmm~. This is a blogging website after all#Well besides the aforementioned sickness that is getting very irritatingly bad#I've been tending to my even sicker family for a few months now. And it's... going. It's going. Exhausting but it's going#I've dropped a lot of responsibilities out of stress. I'll miss being a leader in my little miscellaneous internet cubbies#But life continues on with or without me 😺#My buds have been wonderful cheerleaders. I've even been reconnecting with some of my older friends#Still playing rw... albeit not competitively rn#I don't have the energy to chase those leaderboards 😓 and the community has left me a bit sour#But it's gotten a lot better. Acquaintances of mine gradually infiltrated the staff and made the place much livelier#It was a lot of fun to watch hahaha#Maybe I'll return to the scene sometime after the dlc drops... Maybe.#Or maybe I'll move on. Time will tell~#Till next time!
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whenever I think about zoe being aspec it's always like. obviously to an aspec viewer there's a lot about her that's relatable, especially in the wheel in space, where she relates to other people so differently and experiences relationships in a way which she knows is non-normative, but which she can't 'fix' and doesn't altogether hate - she just hates the way she's perceived. and over the course of her travels she doesn't change herself, just becomes more comfortable with relating to others as she is, and that lets her open up more. I'm preaching to the choir here ik ik you get it.
but from an in-universe perspective the way she relates to people is explicitly down to her training, rather than (exclusively) anything about zoe herself:
which obviously doesn't negate the way she comes across to the audience! but it /does/ make things interesting in-universe, because presumably the emotions she's been encouraged to neglect include anything approaching sexual/romantic attraction. she's probably been trained out of questioning that side of herself along with everything else.
so if you want to explore aspec zoe I just feel like that potentially leaves you with a scenario where she starts travelling with the tardis, starts working through all the parts of her humanity she's been missing out on, starts trying to figure out what attraction means for her, and there's just. nothing. which would throw her for a loop, right!! she's trying to reclaim all the parts of her that have been neglected, and she's still left with a gaping hole where other people have /something/. is this something she'll never fully develop, like gemma told her, or is this just an innate part of her? so she ends up coming around to the desperation to feel something and the difficulty of identifying an absence of feeling, and ultimately to having to learn to embrace it not because of her upbringing but in spite of it.
#second doctor#idk just my thoughts on her!!#obv you can interpret/hc it in various ways. this is just where my brain leads me#& also depends on like. what you hc her aspec-ness to look like as well#for myself i also like this in light of hc'ing jamie as ace#(and two as well but like. jamie being human & more of a thematic opposite for zoe compared to two's parallel to her.#kind of makes him more pertinent here)#i don't think he'd necessarily pick up on her struggling w/ this on his own#partially bc i think she'd be fairly reserved about it but also bc i don't think jamie rlly labels himself#certainly not in any way zoe would recognise or relate to much#& finding community in asexuality (rather than same-gender attraction) probably hasn't crossed his mind much#but once he did figure it out/she eventually confided in him he'd be a very comforting point of solidarity for her#especially as he's sort of. her major touchstone for 'regular' humanity at this point#him also 'missing' this would be reassuring for her#AND i think it makes a nice parallel for my thoughts on victoria#which is that she quietly struggles with her lesbianism during her travels in the tardis#but having two and jamie there to be openly casually queer around her helps her a lot
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Okay, so— like.
I’m doing drag queen/king camp this week and HOLY CRAP I did not realize the amount of thought and effort that goes into this work of art. Like, kudos to all the drag icons because it’s only day one and I’m scrambling to try and figure everything out.
All I know is I am neither drag king or queen, I am a drag thing. At least, that’s what they’re referring to it as.
Like, I want my performance to confuse the heck out of the audience over what my persona’s gender is. Are they male? Female? Nonbinary? Yes and no all at the same time.
I feel like that’s part of the idea I want to portray here. I’m a cis female (I don’t care if ppl refer to me as “they” irl or online tho, it doesn’t bother me), but I always referred to myself as a “tomboy” growing up for one reason or another. I want this character to challenge the very gender roles that we as a society fostered into being. Breaking boundaries and being between the lines of what constitutes as a “man” or a “woman”, that’s what I want my persona to represent. They don’t fit into any one category, simply because they don’t need to. They’re just a person. A silly goober, if you will.
As for the fit— thanks to my friend’s advisement — I’m thinking of a 1940s Flapper Dress paired with some more masc attire in shoes, makeup, and maybe hat and tie. It would be very fun and something I’d honestly wear outside of drag. Like DANG 1940s fits are FIRE 🔥! I can get a top hat, add the feathers, wear the gloves, etc. (Yes my friends told me I should make the drag outfit Batim inspired since it’s my fixation and maybe this is my excuse for that, but I really do enjoy the Golden Era of film and media culture of that time period. Either way it works in my favor)
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And, of course, I couldn’t resist taking some inspiration from Luz’s Grom outfit from The Owl House. Can you blame me though? I mean, look at it!
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Very demure, very mindful, very slay. 💅
Coming up with names and a personality is something I’m going to have to come up with later in the week when I have more time. :3
So sorry if I’m not as active on any of my accounts this week. I’ll try to write when I can, but I have a lot on my plate between work, school, and planning my drag persona and performance. Maybe I’ll ramble more about this if anyone is interested. For now… I need to study (Y’all I was sick all last week and didn’t go to school and apparently I have an exam tomorrow that I didn’t study for I’m SO cooked 🙏😭)
#Drag#drag king#drag queen#drag thing#drag show#cc rambles#just some thoughts#I’m super nervous#I’ve never done anything like this before#But my anxiety and introverted tendencies have made me miss out on a lot over the years#About time I put myself out there more and actually enjoy stuff despite it all#And yeah I’m heckin cooked tomorrow for my exam RIP my already failing grade#I hate cell biology#Uhh yeah a rant no one asked for#announcement#kinda#life stuff#gender#gender roles#lgbt#lgbt pride#lgbtq community#lgbtqia#queer#queer community#lgbtq#queer pride#1940s fashion#1940s style#1940s vintage
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people who do STEM or administration as a career full time and continue to do art as a hobby, I am scared of you but like in a hot way. youre like if we were allowed to have cold drinks in winter. i look at you and think of miles morales with his two cakes. do you want to make out sometime
#i say all of this positively bc i just! i cant help admiring it!! even if its mundane or not a big deal to you i seriously cant wrap my head#around it.. this is in no way at all meant to be condescending or anything. whenever i look at someones bio and theyre like oh im working#as a lab assistant biologist pharmacist realtor etc im like woag.... thats insane.. and then i peep your art tag and it knocks my socks of#how?? what lives do you lead??? im so curious. i seriously want a peek inside your brains someday. or at least shadow you at work lol#i cant help but feel sad when someone says smth like well i have to support myself and art cant do that for me. or maybe you were#pushed into pursuing a 'safe' career bc i hear it a lot. all of my relatives have the same story working as nurses and OFWs for the family#i think for me its not about missed potential but rather its being sad about making a decision to put your happiness aside to get by#ive tried so hard to do it but it didnt work out. i guess watching you guys do it is fascinating to me#or maybe youve made peace with your decision or actually like what you pursued but im still amazed!! it makes me wonder what made#you pick one over the other in that case.. is it like putting time for two different things the way you would for a schedule?? hmmm#im doing graphic design so i dont really interact with ppl in other faculties even humanities like sociology or childcare... so i cant help#wondering what it must be like as someone whos pursuing visual communication both as an interest and career#i seriously wish i could do smth like a desk job or even admin and maybe ill try that if this doesnt work. or i could look into trades#but dyscalculia already makes it hard to do things like cash and mental math so i get overwhelmed if i think about this too hard#yapping
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Hello, did you deactivate your account on Twitter and Instagram? 🙁 I hope you’re okay
hi there, I'm sorry for replying to this so late. I haven't really been doing ok the last couple of days, and needed to take a step back from social media/fandom for a bit. yes, I did deactivate.
I hope I didn't worry anyone too much, and I'm sorry if I just left. admittedly I wasn't really thinking straight when I did it, and also couldn't trust myself to talk to people at that time; I say a lot of stupid things when I'm upset, and I didn't wanna risk saying the wrong thing or trauma dumping on anyone—I hope you guys understand.
at the moment I'm still not in the best shape, especially mentally, but I'll be back; I think I just need a few more days until I feel like myself again.
thank you for checking in, anon. I really appreciate it, and I hope you're doing okay yourself.
please take care.
#asks#personal stuff#january has honestly just been really hard#a lot harder than I thought it'd be#but it is what it is I guess#anyway#I'm sorry for deactivating the jeanpiku account too#I just didn't wanna be tempted to go back online#and it would've been hard knowing that there was an alternate account for me to access twitter again#I do miss the fandom a lot though I'm ngl#and jeanpiku and its community have always helped make me feel better#so I will be back eventually#perhaps in a day or two#I think just really need this time to feel like myself again and to breathe#I'm sorry again for worrying anyone#but thank you for checking up on me#it really does mean a lot#if you're reading this I hope you're doing okay too#and if not I hope you will be
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