#just keeping trying strategies
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Something I've noticed that's been helping me a lot lately is shifting the question from "what can I handle right now" to "what would make me feel better right now?" It makes me stop and honestly assess without pressure of Productivity. Sometimes the answer really is 'lie down in the dark under the covers' but quite often I'm finding if I detach my well-being from my productivity the answer is usually a list that looks like: eat something I can picture, drink water, consume salt (for my dysautonomia), take a shower, take my medication, put in earplugs for sensory overload. Some days it even includes 'go for a walk' or 'go to the library.'
For me to get here its required some previous experience with doing those things and knowing what works for me when, but it's made a huge difference. I've been regularly stopping mental spirals and sidestepping executive dysfunction walls that would have kept me in bed all day.
Also once I start taking of one bad it lightens the variety of bad feelings and helps me maybe target some other things that would now make me feel better.
That said, I have never been able to make myself better through brow-beating or berating myself about healthy habits or what I Should Be Doing. It started with the phrase "be kind to yourself" and I built from there. Taking a moment to answer the question "what would make me feel better right now?" with honesty (and patience/acceptance if the answer is that lying in bed would be the thing that would truly make you feel better right now) is an extension of Be Kind to Yourself.
Idk, thought I'd share in case it helps anyone.
#depression#executive dysfunction#adhd#chronic illness#spoonie#chronic fatigue#<- i end up taking a lot of naps for that one but this way they're not framed negatively#they're just the thing i need right now#therapy too therapy helps a lot#and practice#lots and lots of practice#when you're unwell your wellbeing can be like a puzzle and a balancing act rolled into one#of course it's going to take time to figure out what works for you and what doesn't#it sucks balls in the meantime#but things will get better#just keeping trying strategies#and in the meantime BE KIND TO YOURSELF#mental health
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thinking about a whumpee on a forced march through rough terrain
hands tied in front of them, on foot while their captors are mounted, sleeping out in the open, forced to beg for adequate food and water
maybe they're barefoot, a captured royal in silken robes
maybe they're in a torn suit or soldier's uniform
maybe they were stripped at the start, increasing the exposure to the elements, the humiliation
are they a terrified mess from the beginning, or do they try to endure with dignity? how long before they're stumbling, barely putting one foot in front of the other? how long before they fall?
#im particularly thinking about a notorious captain or other commanding officer tbh#his enemies have faced defeat after defeat at his hands and now that they have him they want to make him suffer#they need to travel through the mountains to reach their capitol and -of course- they make him walk the whole way#but then someone suggests taking his boots and someone else suggests stripping him naked#they can't let him -die- before he can be paraded through the streets but they'll get him as close as they can#whump#whump prompt#captive#taken prisoner#forced nudity#nonsexual nudity#military whump#fantasy whump#this also randomly made me think of one of my ye olde whump scenarios#where a small regiment ends up surrounded by the enemy and thwir captain is doing his damndest to keep his men alive#and work out a strategy to retreat#but then the enemy soldiers offer to let the rest go if they turn over their leader and they do without a second thought#so not only is he captured he's also been betrayed and is just trying to keep it together emotionally#to do list#this would also be fun with sahota or any of the crew
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Andrew Minyard would count cards.
#completely blank faced the whole time as he just wins so many times in a row that they try and convince him to stay to spend more#but then he keeps on winning#and neil is also there being a menace more quietly than andrew whose face hasn’t so much as twitched from utter apathy#as everyone at the table contemplates their life choices#maybe au where neil and andrew meet by semi cheating at casinos#and try and outdo each other in competitive rivalry#kevin is sitting in the corner with his ‘strategy’ wondering why nothing is working against either of them#neil josten#andrew minyard#kevin day#all for the game#andreil#aftg#ash has thoughts
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went to bed and woke up in a cold sweat realizing that claudia's play, the birdie one, is both a direct analogy for her story and also foreshadowing of her death WHILE ALSO nodding to pauls death
claudia'a single minded, desperate drive for freedom eventually lead her directly to her death. she was "nailed down" by lestat (by LOUIS, actually- lestat only kept her for him.), and tore herself free at the loss of her 'foot,' being a stand in for the personal pain she suffered for freedom
no matter what she or anyone did, she was going to die painfully, because she was so desperate to be free that everything was suffocating. lestat, louis, romania, the coven. the only thing that didnt rot in her mind was madeline, because... there simply wasnt time. madeline was fresh and new and, given time, would have probably suffered the same heel-turn claudia gave to everything.
of course thats because she shared louis' hopeful outlook. being free of her parents? would fix everything. when it didn't? maybe if she had louis, it would be worth it. but its not, lestats still here, louis is still in love with him... killing lestat, thatll fix it, and she and louis will be happy in romania, right, the homeland for vampirekind? not quite, so better try paris, the city of love. that doesnt work. the coven, though, will give her what she wants, right? she'll be happy with other vampires?
the only person who makes her happy is? a modern version of lestat? a weird white woman she met on happenstance, who has little to no care for societal norms or faux pas. a blunt, kind of funny, kind of sad woman who lost her family but has a capacity for enduring because what else is she going to do? die? no, she cant do that. she had no friends because she was weird and offputting and had dangerous rumors, no hangups on loving claudia, no hangups on dying or being a killer.
that's... just lestat. without the immortality and the specific traumas, of course, but like. claudia's most beloved person was a funhouse mirror of her most hated. which really speaks volumes for what they could have had, because it wasnt just a clash of personalities. it was lestats bpd clashing with hers and both of their attachment to louis clashing. if lestat had been better at sharing, if louis had been better at loving both of them, if claudia had been less angry at the world for nothing but existing? maybe they could have been a good family. a happy one forever, just like they all wanted, but were unable to give each other
#love.claudia#like im casting spells on people. love claudia#thats a command#claudia de lioncourt#claudia de pointe du lac#tagging both since she would like to be a dpdl but in truth she is a lioncourt#lestat also taught her way more than louis did and i think louis resented lestat for it#les taught her to hunt and feed and protect herself#he taught her chess and piano#which for all her underhanded insults about it#beyond having more experience#theres not much you can teach about chess#taken from someone whos dad LOVES chess and keeps trying to play it with me#outside of the pieces and the strategies theres not much you can teach#because it all depends on who your other player is. claudia losing to him isnt a matter of him teaching her poorly on purpose but more#he knows her better than she knows him#which is also true#but louis detested all the things lestat taught claudia#even smugly rubbing her “docility” in lestats face when she struggles on her first kill#lestat could have been a good dad if he knew she loved him and louis still loved him. lestat loved her and taught her#louis just showered her in gifts and affection and support (which she also needed!! dont get me wrong!)#sigh#lestat de lioncourt#amc iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#louis treated her like a kid when she needed to be an adult and lestat treated her like an adult when she needed to be a kid
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Managers
#lobcorp#lobotomy corporation#limbus company#x lobcorp#dante lcb#digital#something about how the gameplay mechanics in each game end up reflecting the respective management styles#in lobcorp you can rewind to the mem.repo. as many times as you like#so you often end up ruthless about even the lives of your favorite agents when you're trying to do missions or cores especially.#the canon battle strategy in limbus is to just throw the sinners at a problem and keep reviving them until they figure out what works#but dante has to share their pain every time and doesn't want to risk any sort of permanent deaths because they care about the sinners.#different approaches to the idea of sacrificing others i guess is the main difference
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you don't need enemies when carlos is your teammate. the poisoned chalice alex is going to receive. i can't wait
recycling my own meme from first day of break when we got the carlos to williams announcement
#ask#e#i wish i payed more attention before carlos came to ferrari to see if he has always been like this to his teammates#or if it's charles' face card opening up the wound of his fragile masculinity that only blossomed in ferrari#that he somehow needs to prove to himself he is the alpha and never listen to preset strategies and team orders and never think about team#and rather crash both out than be clever and keep tyres till the end and blame the wind the sun the tyres and the goddess of beauty herself#instead of ever admitting his own mistake and generally just trying to appear a certain way to the outside world#newsflash boyo you are the beta in every universe please sit back down and observe how this sport is done#whoops i let the hater out accidentaly please forget the last minute or two you spent on this#i do not mind carlos therefore he cannot hurt me i do not wanna strangle him when he opens his mouth i do not wanna throw the williams cap#at him and rather nominate ollie for the rest of the season#ugh so hi :ú
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Nowwwwww, I facetiously mentioned at the bottom of this post about the Halo: Reach achievement:
To do that, you have to go under or close to par time on pretty much each level ON LEGENDARY.
I have beaten Reach on Legendary but it probably took me closer to 30 hours than 3 because I did my slow, methodical strategies to get through. I did the par time achievement by running past everything I could on Easy. Can I combine the two successfully?
I decided to give the first level "Winter Contingency" a try (after watching some Youtube vids on getting this achievement, of course 😉). Par time is 15 minutes.
That was my third try, the first was 16 and some minutes, the second got it to 15 and some and then that one got under the par by 32 seconds! I should note that this is considered one of the easiest levels to do on Legendary and the guide I watched by the ever-awesome Halo Completionist did it under 12 minutes and you're going to need every spare second you can scrap together to give you a buffer for some of the long, difficult levels. But still!
It's silly, I know, but I feel so proud of me! I'm an old lady (well, middle-aged, if I'm being generous 😜) playing Halo with shaky hands but I made under par time on Legendary! 🥳🥳🥳
PS - Tried it again and got 13:55!
#halo#halo: reach#halo reach#this is my game tag#it's silly i know but i really am proud of me#nobody will ever realize how little i expected to be able to even finish ONE of the mcc games on easy#i wanted to be able to do it but i just didn't think i'd be able to#and then i made it through halo ce#and then the others slowly one at a time#it means something to me#i don't even know why but it does#i'm not good at games but i'm tenacious i'll keep trying#i'll watch different strategies then try to find something that'll work for me#i'll work at it until i get there#it's not pretty nobody would ever want to watch my twitch stream that's for sure lol#but i get it done#i'm proof that you don't have to be some amazing gamer to do some amazing things#i feel like there's a life lesson in there or something i dunno#is anybody still reading down this far in the tags?#have a cookie if you're still here#love you frens#thanks for letting me share with you#ageless aislynn
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Gustadolph, Thalas, and Erika Concept Art
Concept/reference art for Gustadolph, Erika, and Thalas! Translation notes and image id under the cut.
Translation notes:
"Will you kindly keep your illegitmate hands off of me?!" was probably more directly translated like, "You're a bastard, stop existing in my vicinity." But it was a question and also used some polite language, so I changed the wording around a little to suit that.
"Hair tufts, eyes, and lips are all in the same place" was one I felt pretty uncertain about and ended up going a lot off of context. It definitely seemed to be saying something about hair, and was probably saying something about lips and eyes, but there might have been something about eyebrows or something else in there too.
"Wham" was a mimetic word that meant something more like "violent; holding nothing back."
Image ID:
[id: The first two out of the five images are the full Japanese pages of concept art for Gustadolph, Thalas, and Erika. The first page has their official canon portraits. In the third image, which is a translation of the notes on the first, there is an illustrator's note that reads, "Gustadolph is a beautiful yet terrifying man with long, silver hair. Personally, I find that his design puts me at ease since he has more of a restrained royal look instead of the typical stylish villain look. (Tatsuaki Urushihara)" and another illustrator's note that reads, "I remember thinking the three Aesfrost siblings were spot on from the first rough draft. Erika has a cat-like quality to her. (Yasuaki Arai)"
The fourth and fifth image are translations of the second page. The top half of the page is titled "Commander of Country B" and has several images of Gustadolph. One has a caption pointing to his ruff collar that says, "bird feathers." Another two notes next to his face read, "He's beautiful but rather cold…" and "He's overflowing with dangerous charisma." The second half of the page has pictures of Thalas and Erika. It's titled "Commander of Country B's Younger Sister and Brother". There is a drawing of Erika having thrown Frederica to the floor. Erika's dialogue reads, "Will you kindly get your illegitimate hands off of me?!" and there is a note next to Frederica that reads, "Liberty gets hit and falls down." In another drawing Thalas is holding a sword, both he and the sword spattered with blood. His dialogue reads, "I suppose even the lowly masses have some red blood in their veins…" There is a note between the two of them that reads, "The character sheet said they were an unlikely duo, but since I had already done 'Consortium Merchants' and 'C1 and C2 House Heads,' I decided to draw them as twins." Another note between mirroring portraits of Thalas and Erika's reads, "Hair tufts, eyes, and lips are all in the same place." There are also some small copies of the word "whisper" between them. There is an illustrator's note at the bottom that reads, "Erika and Thalas's setting and plotline never changed much, and even in the trial version they had a nice, simple bully feel to them that made them easy to design. (Tatsuaki Urushihara)" /end id]
#triangle strategy#triangle strategy artbook#ts artbook character ref sheets#gustadolph aesfrost#thalas aesfrost#erika aesfrost#cw abuse#happy halloween! vampire siblings for the occasion!#I keep trying to tell whether the 'I feel safe looking at Gustadolph' was supposed to be a joke or not#because it was worded JUST ambiguously enough that it might have been sort of a more poetic straightforward thing????#but I kept having to relook at the words because I kept laughing at it#it did very much have the vibe of 'look at those cold terrifying eyes. aren't those just the most darned trustworthy eyes?'#I get it tho!! he's right!!!! gustadolph's just got that coolness factor
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trying a new writing strategy: to-do list style outline
#unscientific aside#idk if this will be a helpful strategy but it was SO satisfying to put that DONE next to ch1 that i had to try it#and that one part in ch 7! i finished that bit yesterday while making the outline because it was soooo close to being done#divide and conquer baby#subsection labels redacted because reading the whole outline sounds like the most boring possible form of spoiler#chapter titles are fun though#this is the newmann fic that i keep trying to finish & being like 'oh it's almost done look i'm almost done chapter 2'#nope. incorrect. now we have a semi-quantifiable measure of that though & i can refer back to this to see progress#chapter 2 is actually a lot longer than chapter 4 despite appearances. chapter 4 is just in more pieces#It Has Been Foretold (by a friend with more writing experience. thank u CC) that my 8-chapter fic is going to end up at 10 chapters#and i was like ''ahaha no i don't think so i have an outline''#(previous outline. less detailed)#but chapter 2 has gotten concerningly long and chapter 4 kind of has 2 distinct sections. so uh. hmm.#i keep looking at those 2 like ''don't you dare''#edit: adding the new writing tag#tin kitchen in the garret
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so I wanted to say that since I'm really enjoying this event, I will likely continue to post about it, including analysis. I want to talk about the game mechanics and strategies but it's been so hard to do without people thinking you're talking about the discourse. I think as a community we all need to be a little less jumpy about this event, because I've seen posts of people being afraid to talk about the team their watching because they don't want to be dragged into discourse. I think a lot of genuinely lighthearted posts about a fun event are being misconstrued as something malicious
all of my posts are made with the spirit of friendly competition. a lot of other people are posting like this too! people should be able to do this without getting accused of hating ccs or being unfair
i've been posting a lot about red team, specifically because that's who i've been watching the most. i watch pretty much every english speaking qsmp member, it just so happens that right now i have a sub to foolish so i've been watching him so i don't have to deal with ads. because of this, i will probably continue to talk about red team the most. i'll talk about blue and green teams when i watch them! if i had the time to watch vods from every team and do a complete strategy analysis, i would. but I don't have that time. i genuinely don't care which team wins, but that doesn't mean I won't be rooting for certain teams on certain days. like on day 2, red team going from barely visible on the score bar to winning the day was an amazing underdog story! of course i'm going to root for them! and for day 3 I was rooting for green team because i want to see fitmc tryhard!
at the end of the day this is a fun event. it's fun for the ccs so it should be fun for the fandom. and if you're scrolling thru tags and getting upset/annoyed/angry at people posting about a friendly competition, you might need to reevaluate yourself
#really just posting this as a precaution bc I feel like people get mad at me for posting about strategies and it makes me sad#because i'm trying to have fun#and i would love to watch and support everyone but i cant there isnt enough time and i dont speak french#anyway let people support red team without getting jumped#they're just talking about their streamer like chill#like genuinely the way people are talking on here makes me feel bad for supporting red team#until i remember that i did nothing wrong they're just being mean#i get youre defensive but like YOU are the one creating discourse my guy#we're just over here talking#thought about switching it up for today and watching blue team but then i rememberd#i dont have to appease you i can do what i want#if i want to watch red team and talk about red team then i can do so#if you have a problem with that it's your own fault#sorry these tags are really sassy but like fr people need to chill#talking about the discourse all the time only makes it worse#and i want to keep talking strategy without having to defend myself constantly#because i hate when people intentionally misinterpet my words#ok rant over#qsmp
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It occurred to me the other day that Asbel is the only party member without *any* sort of spell artes. I guess friendship really is his magic 😅
#dolphin plays graces again#It suits his character though to be the aggro tank. He's protecting the others 😤#Him and Sophie both have high defense actually which makes sense they're both sacrificial idiots. i love them 💜💜#With Sophie out of the party rn (Lambda laser to the chest 😔) and me wanting to try other characters I now have a party of all spellcasters#The strategy seems to be 'ok ONE of us is going to have a bad time but as long as everyone else is fine our explosions can keep happening'#Richard and Hubert are strong in melee actually they're just so frail they keel over at the slightest touch 😅 drama kings.#Sorry for all the gameplay meta rambling the combat system's definitely growing on me as I figure it out more#Though the only character Im actually good w is Asbel 😅 I'm a melee player myself and like I said he's the only exclusive one#I should play Sophie more but she's the best healer and I need her on that 🙏#Cheria's great for big heals and big spell damage but Sophie can heal quickly and reliably#Which is important bc RICHARD AND HUBERT KEEP DYING 😩#Pascal and Malik mostly do fine but I think Pascal is just Better Malik 😅 sorry Captain#anyway those are my thoughts on the battles. no idea if my experiences are normal or if I'm just bad at this game 😅
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More evidence that Alder would have done gangbusters focusing on espionage: Petra notes in 2x4 that "Intelligence does often have a hard time keeping track of the General's comings and goings." Literally the person in charge of keeping track of information and shit says that Alder and her Biddies were giving them the slip all of the time over the decades. It's like the inverse of the Marshal being able to hunt anyone down, Alder is able to slip the leash when she wants. Which kind of goes against the popular fanon of Alder being stuck in meetings and in the unavoidable public eye all of the time, and finding it a burden. It turns out, Alder not only made a habit of getting around surveillance, but the other side of that coin is that what publicity/propaganda/speeching/posters/etc. she did do was of her own desire. If she didn't want to be a public face, she could choose to avoid it all. (To where when Nicte forced her into the Warding Circle and Petra appeared to make announcements with Silver instead, it was notable by everyone, a duty that Alder relinquished reluctantly.)
#motherland fort salem#sarah alder#reinforcing my headcanon that alder makes passionate speeches at the drop of a hat!#category: tv#I've noticed a lot of moments where both alder and other brass pointedly ignore the possibility of demilitarization as a viable strategy#she does not entertain the idea of integration as a goal; whether with conventional military forces or in the civilian population#there is never any desire from them for the government to stop wielding them#in fact most of their chafing is against others trying to hold them back from carrying out more operations#this is obviously the show making a point about the US's modern foreign policy in the WOT era#which can clash with fandom's instincts; see again my comparison to star wars prequel era fanfic#and its tendency to valorize giving the jedi order and/or militant mandalorians more power as the way to solve things#when the actual source material is deeply ambivalent about it#whoops I accidentally a word vomit#example when silver asks if they can keep penelope safe they never say 'well maybe stop sending us into war'#or 'hey maybe dissolve the accords so they don't have to be conscripted'#instead they seem to take deep offense to the idea that witches should not serve#the brass is all hard into the militarism kool-aid#it's not just magical enforcement either; since they could exploit legal loopholes like tally's dispensation if they wanted to#they don't want to#and tbqh they're more interesting characters to be that way#for them to actually believe it and to not lay the blame at the feet of other entities#I believe in women's wrongs
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.
#no offense but if you wanted third party voters to vote dem harris should’ve appealed to third party voters#instead of trying to get republican votes#actually be progressive instead of just saying hey we aren’t trump! that’s our campaign strategy!#the gag of it all is that even if everyone who voted left third party voted for kamala she still wouldn’t have won#bcuz dems keep moving right trying to appeal to middle right voters when it doesn’t work
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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Ok so I'm working on my Edward scissorhands costume for Halloween and you know what I just thought of???
Edward scissorhands drag/burlesque performance????
The leather? The suspenders? The potential to use the scissorhands to cut off clothing?
#edward scissorhands#drag#burlesque#i want to do this so bad now#like ive been entranced my drag and wanted to try it for a while but im quiet and shy so im not much of a performer#but playing Edward you could be quiet and look a lil nervous and its part of the character?#i probably wont ever do this but ill keep the costume in my closet just in case the opportunity ever arises#i just love making costumes#also i was practicing doing the makeup today and i didn't do a very good job but i was basing my whole strategy on drag kings which feels#very fitting
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SHE HAS AN ACHIEVEMENT DJDJDJJDJDJDJDJDJD
#Fudging. Highly specific video game achievements my beloved#I got this by complete accident because I was fudging. Solo-ing the game with her im trying to at least#You're like. Meant to be switching between characters mid-level but . I keep Not doing that because im Based and Cool 😎#By that I mean my strategy is uh. Pump the cookie full of metaphorical steroids that'll do it#Somehow im still alive. World 3's a nightmare though dndndndndn#Cookie run#cookie run tower of adventures#alchemist cookie#fitting because like. There's bats in the cave. Just like her brother /hj#(Also you like meet her immediately after this level in the story but-)
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