#just did this to my friend last night
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There is a certain delight that comes from playing Where Is The Justice for someone who scoffed at the idea of a Death Note musical and watching their distress as they grapple with the realization that this has no right being this good.
#just did this to my friend last night#it was so entertaining#and empathic#because I KNOW#IT HAS NO RIGHT BEING SO GOOD.#death note#death note the musical#my post
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typical tavern scene
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhjy#fabian seacaster#riz gukgak#adaine abernant#kristen applebees#figueroth faeth#gorgug thistlespring#got my version of this in lol. I feel like this is mandatory if u draw fh art#trying to remember whats on the menu at a typical swensen's. its been years since I last was at one#tho I am so absolutely unfamiliar with like elmville level of town scenery. just immediately drew from my own experience lmao#I used to think malls are the same everywhere.... but then I hear from my US friends and. wow they sure are not#mm. good day to reminisce a little bit. but I am now sleepy#not a lot to say abt this I think most of this is pretty straightforward. I did use this to test out some overlays in SAI2#that I never really touched. the talisman on fig's guitar case takes from the house protection talisman you'd put on the front door#and also I think kristen slipping while fully sat down is very funny and special. she means so much to me#okay. alright. I should really go to sleep. and tomorrow I should take my dang walk... see the sun#have a good night lads! enjoy ice cream
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#kirby#waddle dee#request#heraldinthedark#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#it was my friend's birthday when I drew this last night#(and I did draw it last night for real I promise I just couldn't upload it!)
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#20.5 Care
"Agni…" Grace shook him awake.
Agni stirred on the bed, a little displeased. Grace was being a little rough today. Ever since they started living together in this new timeline, Agni usually woke up to Grace kissing his cheek, not an urgent grip on his shoulder. It would have raised his awareness, but for some reason, his body was refusing to do so.
"Please, wake up." Grace begged, voice a little wet.
Agni forced himself to open his eyes, squinting at the blinding light that made his head ache. Once his vision adjusted to the room, he saw that Grace was close to tears. He visibly deflated once Agni managed to lock gazes with him and finally let the dam break free. "Oh thank goodness. I've been trying to wake you a few times but you didn't respond so I thought–" Grace wiped his tears off and tried to regain himself.
"Wh-" Agni coughed weakly, his throat was so dry. What happened?
Grace began explaining anyway. "When I woke up I noticed that you had a fever. So I tried to check on you, but you were more sluggish than your normal sick days. So I was afraid that you were–"
Grace stopped mid-ramble as Agni found and squeezed Grace's hand, trying to stop him from panicking. Waiting for Grace to recollect himself, Agni pushed himself up to sit to make himself more awake. The world spun and a wave of nausea hit him full force. Agni pushed himself off the bed and stumbled a little when his knee tingled uncomfortably. Realizing this, Grace swooped him off his feet and carried him down to the bathroom.
Soon Agni found himself sitting down on the floor next to the toilet bowl. Grace draped a blanket over him before Agni realized he was shivering. Agni noticed that his breath was hot and his shirt clung to his skin from cold sweat.
Because their bedroom and the bathroom were quite a hassle to go back and forth from, Grace prepared the water bed in the bathroom for them to use later, and Agni was thankful for his thoughtfulness. Grace then sat next to him and mindlessly rubbed on Agni's hunched back, up and down along his spine comfortingly.
As Agni emptied his stomach in the toilet, he hazily recalled taking a little more sleeping pills than he should have last night, plus drinking a few cups of wine beforehand. Though given the circumstances, he didn't know whether he could've stopped himself from doing so. In that case, he must've had a hangover, on top of the chills that he usually got after using his ice shinsu, which often developed into fever.
The room was quiet after the wave of nausea passed, and the silence was nice against his foggy mind. His breath was still slow and uneven, and his throat felt arid and sore. Grace didn't look like he was faring any better, with his eyes red and swollen, movement sluggish as if he was working on autopilot. Still, Grace tended to him patiently until Agni felt okay enough to lay back down on the bed.
However, Grace didn't join him as Agni thought he would, and instead made his way to the door. "I will get you some medicine."
"Do you know which to get?" Agni rasped out. When Grace didn't answer right away, Agni typed the answer in his pocket. "There, sent." Only then did Agni notice the time, so he added, "You should get breakfast as well, if you have not."
"Maybe. I won't leave for long." And Grace closed the door after saying that.
Agni was just hoping that Grace could have a breather from being cooped up to take care of him, but deep down he was relieved with that promise. After all, the thought of being left alone when his body felt like it was chained to the ground spiked his anxiety. His stomach churned as bad memories replayed in his mind from the reminder. He dragged his heavy feet and kneeled beside the toilet bowl for the second time, already missing the comfort of the bed. He retched to try getting rid of the awful feeling, but it wasn't effective when he had nothing else to empty.
As the sleep medication wore off, his thoughts also returned louder, and Agni was reminded again of why he decided to take another dose last night. It wasn't like him to do something so impulsive, but after Grace fell asleep crying, everything seemed too much to bear alone. He needed something to help him quiet all the guilt that he had piled up.
All the events leading up to that tragedy replayed vividly over and over. Each time he tried to think of ways it could've ended differently, but only a few seemed to have played in their favor. But of course, what good would it do him anyway? Because he couldn't change what had happened, even if he went back to the past. And the fact that they were gone was the reality he had to live with from now on.
Grace returned quicker than he had anticipated, with the food tray and all. But his complexion did look much better than before he left, so Agni felt somewhat relieved.
"Bam is outside," was what Grace said as a greeting. And yeah, it did explain a lot for his better mood.
"You should spend time with him." Because Grace needed someone to cheer him up, and who else knew how to do it better than himself? "Don't worry about me."
"How could I not?" Grace sat next to him, putting the food tray on the floor, completely ignoring Agni's former suggestion. Grace brushed his palm on Agni's forehead, the clear temperature difference made his eyebrows knit together in concern. "Your fever rose."
"It's not usually this stubborn." Agni exhaled some of his frustration, and began coughing as his body reminded him of how dry his throat was. He took a careful sip of the water that Grace offered and waited for it to settle before taking the medicine, swallowing it dry out of habit.
"You should eat something." Grace pulled the tray so it was within Agni's reach. "Or drink some water, you're dehydrated."
Agni groaned, though he knew he needed to get something in his system to make his body focus on recovering. He nibbled on the crackers and drank the water little by little, deciding to take his time rather than risk it. Grace looked very satisfied when Agni managed to get everything down, which in turn also made Agni feel somewhat accomplished.
Not long afterward, Agni yawned, tired after being kept awake by the nausea and his loud thoughts. Grace had pulled Agni to sit on his lap, body facing each other to share as much warmth while keeping Agni upright, or else he might have an upset stomach later.
The way Grace's breath brushed past his neck grounded him, as it was an easy thing to focus on. Time passed slowly, and it would've lulled him to sleep if Grace didn't let the silence linger. There was a tenseness in Grace's shoulders, and the way Grace hugged him a little tighter than usual was enough to tell him not to leave his wave controller alone drowning in his thoughts. The moment Grace's breathing started to get uneven, Agni knew that Grace was crying. Absentmindedly, he began rubbing and patting Grace's back, earning him some sniffles. It was pathetic that this was the only thing Agni could offer to support Grace, but he couldn't think of anything better that he was able to give as of the moment.
Agni didn't cry, though he wished he could, so his chest could relieve some of the pressure and stop aching. To think that they were willing to save him without thinking of the consequences, was something Agni still had a hard time believing. That he was able to hold Grace like this was all thanks to them. He could've died that day if Rak didn't protect him, or he could've lost his mind by living in that damned place if Isu and Hatz didn't come for him. He missed his old team, both dead and alive, and all that he left behind in that war time. He never admitted it out loud, but god he missed them.
Eventually, Grace pulled away. His eyes were red and puffy, but his movements were no longer on autopilot. He tucked Agni back to bed after checking his temperature, saying that it had gone lower, and evidently it ceased some of his worry.
Agni snuggled closer to Grace, finding comfort at the thought of him. Alive, real and close by. "Thank you, for being here."
The corner of Grace's lips pulled upwards in a gentle smile, "You too." His free hand ran through Agni's hair and massaged his scalp. "Get better soon."
Agni started to drift off to sleep then, comfortably tucked up under a blanket and safe in Grace's embrace. He remembered the way Grace placed a lingering kiss on his forehead before Agni was out completely.
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#I admit this is the most self-indulgent chapter so far ahaha#oh to be so devoted to each other 🥺😭💖🙏#to anyone who was questioning why grace did what he did at the beginning#its bc just last night agni told him about the death of his friends. and he was grieving and reminded by fear of being left alone#I headcanon him to be able to read someone's shinsu. so he's able to tell if something is wrong especially with how he often checked on agn#so when he woke up and found that agni is sick sick he immediately panicked because it reminded him on every instances that agni almost die#also grace knew how much agni hates being left alone when he is sick. so even if agni pushed him away out of goodwill or embarrassment#he will still be nearby if he could help it. not wanting to take any chances#tower of god#tog#two sides of the same coin fic#my fic#my art#bam#baam#25th baam#25th bam#the 25th baam#the 25th bam#jue viole grace#khun#koon#khun a.a#khun aguero agnis#khunbam#koonbaam#bamxkhun
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yeah thats. what i thought. traumadumping i guess in the tags abt it.
#the only time i made Sure he couldnt touch me anymore was during a panic attack. and i didnt want him touching me but i did need comfort so#i sat on the floor with my best friend of several years and leaned on them for support#and he insisted on driving me home alone that night and then he started crying and insisted that i only ever let him touch me out of pity.#and then he said that if he didnt have a kid he would have been suicidal because of this#its. dealing with all this is part of why i havent been able to be on this account much. its been insanely stressful#because he lives with my best friend who i hang out with 3-4days a week usually. my best friend whose parent just died last month#and once i told them abt this they were like oh so thats a PATTERN of behavior bc hes apparently done this to multiple other people#notably people he's expressed that he's attracted to. and that being almost exclusively lesbians. this is a cis man btw#so. strained smile#txt
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and they were singin', bye-bye Miss American Pie // american oldie i think kuwabara unironically listens to
(low effort lyric edit im queueing here in May cos im probably gonna forget it exists otherwise)
#qeued post#for June cos hey pride#the idea of kuwa seeing his friends in a holy almost godly light namely yusuke#and having them all leave unexpectedly#cos before that night at Genkai's i feel like it was solidified in kuwa's brain DESPITE the sidekick complex#DESPITE the fact that he's human and the least powerful member they are still decidedly a team#A team he has a place on. But then all suddenly springing this... YUSUKE springing this departure on him. shatters that belief#yusuke says he'll be back and it seems to make things better but even so kuwabara's face still looks so solemn when he leaves#Likely cos he knows yusuke is just saying shit and doesn't even know if it's possible to come back#this wasn't supposed to be a kuwameshi post it's really not but there's always that undertone when i talk about them so#He just admires them all so much yusuke above all others only to be left behind and that's gotta fuckin hurt#The way we don't see the resolution to this feeling. The lack of belonging the abandonment#next time we see him he's just supposed to be over it but we don't really know if it actually happened#So I like to play with the idea of like . Did he really like healthily accept things or#did he just repress it and deal. Cos like eng dub he tells yusuke ''forget all that stuff I said'' immediately taking back#his harsh words bc it's either stay mad stay upset or quickly forgive and move on cos this could be the last time. or even the jdub#where he doesn't even allow the vulnerability to show enough to trail off he just spouts the normal shit bc it's what they DO he immediatel#tries to get back to the normal dynamic and push himself to being fine with it right now bc he doesn't have the luxury of being upset#when it doesn't matter cos yusuke's leaving. the last thing he hears from him shouldnt be reckless shit he was saying when he lashed out#aka i dont think kuwa's feelings get seriously addressed enough and this episode haunts me cos of that very fact#Im not making any sense. Nico as my witness I swear I was more eloquent yapping to him about it#kuwabara kazuma#yu yu hakusho#kuwameshi
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writing [love]; dream, a writer.
Dream: I like writing. I like writing poems; I like writing songs; I like writing everything. I like storytelling—I just like storytelling. Storytelling in general is fun. I do a lot of storytelling through, like, my videos, through my video editing ... that's my favourite part of writing.
Dream: So, it's [love is] special, you know? You can't really explain it. Um, you know, with your mum, your dad, your—your sisters, your brothers, your cousins, your—your friends that you've known since you were a kid. Your friends that you just met a year ago that you are absolutely in love with as a person.
Dream: 'Have you written stories as well as songs lately?' Yeah—I mean, well ... I feel like songwriting is very—it's like, you just take stories—like 'Roadtrip' was, like, essentially a poem, and a story, that was turned into a song. And I feel like that's with a lot of stuff. 'Mask' is the same; 'Mask' was a poem turned into a song.
Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott | Dream Subscriber Twitter Space April 30th, @/dreamwastaken | It's Been A Long Day, Spacey Jane | Dream's Tiktok 'love is scary', @/dreamwastakenwastaken | Photograph in the studio from Dream's Instagram post, @/dreamwastaken | The Story of Mary MacLane, Mary MacLane | Our Beautiful Life When It's Filled With Shrieks, Christopher Citro | Johnny Cash’s handwritten to-do list, 1969 | Tweeted screenshot from Dream's notes app, @/dreamwastaken | Anne Carson interview, 2016 | Dream and George on the Dream Panel at TwitchCon Las Vegas 2023, TwitchCon VOD | Tweeted screenshot from Dream's notes app, @/dreamwastaken | On Writing, Stephen King | A fan's Tiktok of Dream and George at emo nite, @/angstboycam | Dream explaining 'Spotlight' in the 'to whoever wants to hear' lyric booklet, Dream | Your Song, Elton John | Fan photos of Dream and George at Dream's tour
Dream's 'Kind Of Love' speech LA concert night two, @/milktea_grn | The Power Of Love, Frankie Goes To Hollywood | Fan photos of Dream and George at Dream's tour | You Are In Love (Taylor's Version), Taylor Swift | Dream explaining 'Paranoid' in the 'to whoever wants to hear' lyric booklet, Dream | Dream and George on the Dream Panel at TwitchCon Las Vegas 2023, TwitchCon VOD | Words, Gregory Alan Isakov | Dead Poets Society, dir. | Dream Subscriber Twitter Space April 30th, @/dreamwastaken | Sweet Nothing, Taylor Swift
Fan photo of George recording Dream at his concert | Addressable Thou, Chase Berggrun | Bright Star, dir. Jane Campion | George smiling at Dream in IRL DREAM TEAM IN MADRID, Sapnap VOD | Endymion, John Keats | Dream and George on set: Everest – Dream & Yung Gravy BEHIND THE SCENES, Dream Music | [brIght], E. E. Cummings | George and Dream in IRL DREAM TEAM IN MADRID, Sapnap VOD | Sand and Foam, Kahlil Gibran
#WOOOOO WRITING !!!!!! i love it so much !!!!!!! and dream does too !!!!!!#shoutout to all the writers artists creators in this fandom u are So incredible especially my friends i love u forever <33333#imsotireduerhogou whywas i up till 4am last night doing this n then hadnt been doing the refernecbes the whole time#so just did them tonight. it is now One am. i will proceed to pass out n sleep for Ten Hours#i really like this one i am proud of it :') ive had a dream + writing compilation in my head for Ages so i am glad ifinally got to do it :D#to those who love words as much as i (and dream) do ....... to whoever wants to hear ......... <3#heres som comfort after a pretty shitty second half of the day for us all and dream </3 Hugs#my webs#web weaving#dreamie#dnf#georgie#dreamnotfound#poetry#words#writing talk#compilations#imfine goonigh Zzzzzz ..... snorkshoo mimimimimim
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New Gale content this patch which means I'm banned from searching the Gale tags and dodging posts on my newsfeed like I'm Keanu Reeves
#I managed to avoid most of the new epilogue stuff when that happened so that should still be brand new information when I hit it#pray 4 me LMAO#I did see one of the new kisses when I played last night it was so cute#My friend was baffled that I didn't just spam the kiss command to see all of them ngjklfdnkh I like to SAVOR THE CONTENT and TAKE MY TIME
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"they never dated but they ARE exes" is such a funny relationship for two characters to have. very awkward relationship to have irl tho
#eliot posts#it still IS a little funny irl tho#i visoted her last night cuz i was in town and the vibe was so weird#it's like. we had an EXPLOSIVE breakup years ago and we're on amicable terms now but there's just the past kinda hanging there in the air#im no longer upset about the stuff she did to me but i AM still a lil sore abt how she hurt our other friends#but sometimes i still talk to her out of... idk. nostalgia or something?#idk if it's the same thing driving her to keep talking to me or what#i don't think she holds any ill feelings towards me cuz she admitted she was totally in the wrong for pretty much everything#and the worst i did was be TOO loyal and enable her but at the same time she thinks she'd be worse off if i didn't do all that back then idk#sometimes i wonder if she wants our old relationship but but i've made it clear we'll never be able to go back there#sidenote: her actual ex boyfriend (who i am still besties with and love so much) is the one that started the joke that me and her are exes#he was like ''i think she's not just MY ex girlfriend she's OUR ex girlfriend'' when i was telling my roommate about her#(and then i told her about that and she laughed and agreed that yeah. we basically ARE exes)#her actual ex/my bestie won't talk to her at all anymore and he's totally within his rights to do that#i actually asked him a few years ago if he was okay with me talking to her before i messaged her cuz i didn't wanna risk hurting him#anyway yeah. it's weird#seeing her left me with a lot of feelings that aren't exactly bad just Weird. idk.
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Was talking with @toiletphotoshoot last night and we decided that we, as a community, should be allowed to set Lysandre on fire
#COMMUNITY BONDING EVENT GUYS!!!#SET HIM ON FIRE!!!!!!!#NOW!!!!!!#everyone’s allowed to join the ‘set Lysandre on fire’ event#even if ur not a part of the community#but us enjoyers should get first dibs /hj#my friend Lio wanted to join in too#they’re not a part of the community#we just all need to set him on fire#this is gonna become so much funnier once I post that angst drawing I did of him and Gus#(that will be posted soon probs tomorrow)#INTERACT TO SET LYSANDRE ON FIRE /j#I drew this on an Aggie-o last night and was laughing my ass off while doing it#lysandre pokemon#rainbowpufflez art tag
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble
I will not be brief, all under the cut
To clear some things right off the bat:
No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.
Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality
The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.
This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.
Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:
Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.
All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.
Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).
And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.
At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.
I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.
Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.
This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.
It shifts something between them.
From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.
As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.
Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.
Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.
I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.
I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.
I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.
As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.
I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.
Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great
#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one#i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking#and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped#i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format#anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head#idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope#im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT#ieytd#john juniper#reginald crane#junicrane#starstruck#i expect you to die#<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that#the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two#make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL#GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga#thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry
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#there's a flood coming to my city 😬#the wave is supposed to hit tomorrow at night#i'm a bit worried?#they say it's gonna be similae to 1997#which is. not good.#everyone at work was panicking which did not help#they said the water is almost sold out in shops#and i couldn't go to the shop to buy it because i was. at work.#so i messaged my dad and he bought some for me and he'll drive over to bring it to me#his town doesn't have a big river so you can still buy water there lmao#i asked him to buy me some non perishable food like rice crackers while he was at it too#and now i'm scared that he and my mom will buy out the entire shop and i'll have to eat those things for months 😬#they can be like that sometimes haha#yeah they most definitely will bring over the whole car full of food what do i do 😭#anyway my main concern is the lack of electricity because the stupid stove in this flat doesn't use gas ;_;#gotta charge the powerbanks 💪#people are also worried that we'll go to work tomorrow and then it'll turn out the road is flooded and we'll have to stay at work overnight#lmaoooo why won't the company just give everyone the week off?? (because of capitalism)#my sister has a two months old baby and she is leaving the city tonight to stay with our grandma#they do need clean water for the baby and the government recommended the children and the elderly to evacuate#i'd evacuate myself if it wasn't for my work 😭 (capitalism)#aghhh i'm sure it's not gonna be that bad#it's just my first flood you see#well technically the second one because i was born in 1997 hahaha but yeah. yeah.#i do like my warm meals and hot tea and i do like to shower#i do hope it'll last 2 days max!! but a friend says it can last longer depending on the damage ;_;#i know i can't really complain because i at least live on the 5th floor#my sister lives on the first floor. right by the river. yeah...#not to mention the people in surrounding villages#someone at work said that the water reached the third floor in some places in 1997 wtf 😭
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langa special
#sk8 the infinity#hasegawa langa#kyan reki#renga#sure. every shrimp is a prawn etc#man. listen. langa is my core ''freaks make the world go round'' baby rn#I have like. a Thesis in my brain abt skateboarding and how its viewed in sk8 and like. deviancy and social norms and#the intrinsic relation between being cool and being a weirdo. gods I did Not shut up at mim abt it last night#or two nights ago. time is fake#fuckign brought up adam in relation to warfred bartosz too that was embarrassing#(for the record my opinion on adam is ''he is too rich and being less rich would literally cure him'')#but yeah I'm laying a bit of ''purposefully thick'' on langa here. its not that the boy doesnt know its that he doesnt care#guy who deals with anxiety by simply not thinking#every day in langas brain he walks into a room full of smashed cups and vases and he like. picks up a few pieces at a time#and puts em on the counter. hes been doing this for months#bet kid has set fire to something in a steel barrel at least once. langa youre a real one to me#anyways! the ''tastes like ant'' thing is real I just experienced it. idk why but I think? oolong caramel?#can smell Really close to the ant smell. it is Very weird#(I did finish that piece of cake anyway. paid for that shit)#last night has been full of events! that I am still digesting. theater very good. hangin out with friends very good too#heres to freaks. makin the world go round. gotta be weird to be cool!#have a good night! I pass the fuck out now. goobaba. tilt ur stage a little bit it makes a world of difference
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me: hey Gallagher i just helped Siobhan at the bar last night. what else can you tell me about bartending?
Gallagher, finally having someone else to talk to about drinks after years and years: (be normal about this be normal be normal) A Lot.
#the speed of the text conversation showing up just makes this funnier to me lmao#he's just really really eager to infodump to a friend. relatable.#honkai star rail#hsr#honkai star rail gallagher#hsr gallagher#spark's honkai adventures#spark talks about nothing of relevance#genuinely though i did the drinks event last night and my god. <3#i love Va11-Hall-A so i had a ton of fun with it. might genuinely just go do some shifts for fun sometimes.
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