#just a really exhausting feeling tbh
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One of the worst feelings ever to me is whenever I wanna eat but I'm not hungry at all and I KNOW. I JUST KNOW. for a fact I'm going to regret eating it later. But I really really really really want food for the taste..the texture..so then my mind has this huge argument with itself wondering if I should get food or not :'D
#tw food#a lot of food talk#just a really exhausting feeling tbh#food is very comforting to me. especially sweets and things with cheese for some reason xD#it helps me take my mind off things that stress me out even just for a little bit#and also I'm not used to having a whole lot of food in the house so whenever we do I JUST HAVE TO EAT IT ALL..#plus I don't need to worry abt gaining weight bcz I have a high metabolism and considered underweight anyway :p#so maybe it's good to want to eat?? I don't like the feeling of being too full tho#I DUNNO WHAT I'M ON ABT BAHSHSHHWEJ#this is the same with naps kind of#but I'm more lenient about it
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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Okay can someone who's been following the funny anime superhero show for its entire 10 year run please tell me why everyone is reacting so negatively to the final chapters because while I don't really enjoy them either I don't find them all that bad?? I've only recently gotten back into it since my old phase when I was like, 10. And I've caught up. But I don't really get everyone's reactions and I feel like I would only understand if I had been following the series for a while.
#my only real criticism of the latter arcs is that they aren't fun :( mha was fun. it hasn't been fun since... the overhaul arc i think?#the war arc was just one really long dragged out fight scene to me tbh#exhausting to read#mha 429#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#bnha 429#mha manga spoilers#really talks!#everyone's dogging on horikoshi but i'm lowkey sympathetic to him tbh. i can feel his exhaustion through the pages.#i don't really care how it ends. i think we both want it to be over already.
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need to hear WAY more commotion for femme transmasc btw
#im not even kidding#im so femme i’ve been on t for five years and still dont feel like i get male privilege#cause i just don’t pass#it’s really exhausting tbh#anywaysss im in a mood as we all know#justyn.txt#ftm nsft#ftm kink#ftm sub#ftm bottom#ftm t4t#trans bottom#trans kink#trans sub#trans nsft
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*crawls out of an open doorway covered in blood* I finished my Assignment
#god you have no idea how brutal the last 24 hours have been 💀💀#goddamn#I popped OFF tho I grinded so fucking hard to finish#I’m really proud of myself but I do wish it could have been done without staying up til like 6am#but guess what now I’m cozy in bed and I get to go to SLEEEP I don’t think I’ll even stay up last 8:30 tbh#I’m that exhausted#and just so fucking happy to be in bed without guilt or stress and not doing homework all night#aaahhhhhh it feels so good
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What do you feel about DC manga going on hiatus “indefinitely”… then MK coming back?
Is that so?
Oh well .... Uh ... Not too different from the usual then, no?
#detective conan#dcmk#good for the mk part of the fandom honestly hahaha#as for me I've been feeling extremely cold with the 30th anniversary“celebration”#because we barely got anything#so yeah#I don't know#if they're not going to come out with anything good for that... what are they waiting for no?#it feels like they just- are taking us for granted and don't really bother to put much effort into it tbh#maybe it's just me#possibly#but eh whatever#I'm just too exhausted with this manga to complain today
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I'm not saying I'm officially back, but I've queued autumn & halloween things for this month, as well as some new tiktoks after that. thank you for all the kind asks- I have seen them all and I appreciate you <3
#not asmr#a year ago I moved and it was exhausting#then broke up with my ex#then got a new big friend group and was hanging out with them a ton#then I got really into makeup and taking pictures and going to events#then I started causally seeing people#and then I cancelled my premiere subscription to save money#I just got busy and I also don't use tumblr anymore tbh#hope everyone has been doing okay#thank you for all the messages and concern <3#been thinking about posting on my asmr tiktok more? unsure but maybe...#tumblr feels so different too what happened here#text post#about me
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cw eye strain , blood
it doesnt hurt to dream for world in which you can be a princess even if it isn't possible
#re:kinder#fanart#my art#yuuichi mizuoka#shunsuke re:kinder#THIS CAME TO ME WHILE I WAS SICK...#originally it was only going to be the happy princessdrawing becayse i wanted to draw em being truly happy for once#but in the middle of drawing i felt silly and was posessed to make a counterpart to it😊#IM REALLY HAPPY WITH HOW IT TURNED OUT... for having speedran it#this was very spontaneous tbh but it was an idea i had in the back of my head for a while i just didnt kno how to ezecute it#until the power of being sick and exhausted awoke within me the answer 😊😊...#is it embarassing if i say i bawled my eyes out while making this multiplr times#on one moment i was feeling veey cool for finally getting this out proprrly on rhe other momrnt THIS GAME MAKES ME CRY LIKE A BABY
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Oh ok. I get now why a lot of people didn't vibe with the ending.
All and all: excellent manga, overall very good final act, too rushed final 2-3 chapters but weak and honestly mediocre epilogue, which makes the high of the ending kind of leave a bitter taste. I think Noda had a good steed and suddenly he had to finish and had to rush all. So the ending in the sense of the final arc was good but the ending proper (final couple chapters) + epilogue......... Not so much
#i liked rhe ending (though made the mistake to read comments so now I'm like 'yeah you are right that did not make sense' when on my own i#probably would not have noticed. but ok. I'll work my suspension of disbelief. HOWEVER the epilogue WAS indeed very lackluster#i get it's an epilogue but it was so rushed. we barely get a closure for ume and saichi and tanigaki did not get to#take asirpa back to uci as he should have (though he was instrumental for that). overall it was super rushed#like we did not even see how Sugimoto was rescued. the epilogue was faaaar too rushed tbh and also too vague in parts#siraishi not really saying goodbye.... also sugimoto and asirpa living together that's cute idc and i think the line into nastyness was not#crossed but oh boy is it a thin thread... i still choose to believe they are platonic soulmates lol but i want to see an official#translation of the volume that's all i say. what else... oh yes. the way the gold never got to actually be distributed doesn't sit right#with me at all but the worst part was definitely the sugimoto/ume thing oh god that was BAD#we did get to see osoma which was cute#OH AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON VASILY??? We didn't even see him. the epoligue for him in particular was great though but his ending was not#like he just hanged around ogata gor chapters and chapters on end and we don't even get a glimpse of him during the final showdown??#tbh i think noda wanted to do something more with him but realized he did not quite fit into the story and in the end got#caught up with all the main lines he did have to close and he obviously had planned and probably combined with his own exhaustion well#did not go nice for vasily! i also would have liked a more proper epilogue for tsukishima and koito. they deserved it#I don't like how pre-epilogue the tsukishima-tsurumi-koito tension seems to reach a breaking point only to kind of not get resolved because#they have to keep fighting lol.#laura reads#also i get the sentiment of the ending regarding the ainu and i think noda did his best but it seems like a rather soft thing for asirpa to#do like... sure. museums and stuff. i GET it but it goes a little too soft in the actual colonialism that went on from the japanese. i feel#noda starts off fairly critical of that but in the end softens his stance which is a shame but ok. the bar is in hell so this is actually#much better than average from what i can personally gather of my little knowledge#golden kamuy#gk spoilers
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GUYS I'VE OFFICIALLY LOST IT-
So. Awhile ago, I saw this post, right? Basically it just said that Sera and Sir Pentious' cards have very similar compositions, and that Seraphim, which is what Sera is, are often associated with serpents. Interesting, but could still be a coincidence, right?
So anyways I checked the reblogs and saw somebody say they should kiss. And now I'm insane.
Because like... the only thing we know really about Sir Pentious' potential story arc in the show is that he's gonna have a crush on one of the other characters. And the only thing confirmed about his sexuality(to my knowledge) is that he is attracted to women. We don't really have any way to know who his crush is, because there are a lot of women in Hazbin Hotel, but could still be noteworthy, right? And like... okay this is gonna sound like the most "trust me, bro" evidence I could possibly pull out of my ass at first but I just need you to hear me out here, okay? Sera's crown and Sir Pentious' hat have a lot of visual similarities. Here's a helpful diagram :)
Which like. Okay. Could literally be nothing, right? Except for two small things that I can't let go of: One, Sir Pentious' goggles + the v-shaped brim on his hat were added to his design AFTER he was given a more prominent role in the show-
(Pilot design, back when he was meant to be a one-off villain of the week vs current design as a member of the main cast)
And two, the Hellaverse shows kind of have a tendancy to use visuals in order to signify characters' relationships to eachother. It's also just a pretty popular form of symbolism as a whole tbh, but the Hellaverse has a lot of really good examples. Like, for instance, how Vaggie's new outfit is a lot closer to Charlie's color pallette than any of her previous designs, or this really good breakdown by @/raeynbowboi about the symbolism of hearts in Hazbin Hotel and how they pertain to Angel Dust/his relationships! It's from awhile ago so some of the info is a tad outdated, but overall I do think the analysis holds up. Meanwhile, in Helluva Boss, Moxxie and Millie have basically the same color pallette and they were the most functional relationship in the entire show before before Fizzmodeus came along. Which, speaking of those two...
See, I made this diagram because, after I pointed out the similarities between Sera and Sir Pentious' headgear to my dad and asked him if those kinds of similarities were a valid form of analysis(because I am but a humble highschooler that doesn't know everything about media analysis, and also I felt like I was losing my mind-), my dad said that I should look at the creator's(Vivziepop's) other works to see if couples having similar motifs was a recurring theme. So obviously, I picked my favorite couple in either show and disected their designs for every little detail that could maybe possibly be an intentional parallel. And while some of it is kind of iffy, like Fizz's limbs being the same kind of blue as Ozzie's tufts could just be a way to show that Ozzie made them, or both of them having uh, two things sticking off of their head(that one's definitely a reach-), I think stuff like both of them having hearts as a recurring detail in their designs or having lITERALLY THE SAME EYE COLOR??? Are pretty good evidence that Viv/the Hellaverse design team tend to use visuals to signify characters relationships.
ALSO!!!! If the Fallen Angel Vaggie theory ends up being true, there could be some interesting parallels to draw between Chaggie and Sera/Sir Pentious! Something about like... demon royalty/random angel vs angel royalty/random demon. Could be used to draw parallels between how the two societies treat that kind of thing idk.
So, now that all the meta evidence is out of the way, we can get down to what really matters: would these two work as a couple? Do their personalities mesh well togther? And the answer to that is!
IM SORRY FOR USING THE GIF IT WAS A GOOD JOKE IN MY HEAD BUT TYPING THIS OUT IDK IF IT'S ACTUALLY FUNNY-
But in all seriousness, I don't actually know. We just... haven't seen enough of Sera to know for sure. In fact, this whole theory is based off of small details that definitely add up to SOMETHING, but could very well be pieces to some very different puzzles that I'm trying to shove together because somebody jokingly suggested that they would fit. Like, the parallels really COULD mean something, and it COULD have something to do with Sir Pentious having a crush on another character, but like. There could also be a million other answers to both of those questions, y'know? I also have a tendancy to make wild conspiracy theories about genuinely inconsequential details... I almost never talk about them publically, but still. Though I will say, based off of Sera's description in the leaks, I could definitely see a world where she bounces off of Sir Pentious pretty well. Her description in the leaks very much gave me uh... Isabela cover of Surface Pressure vibes, y'know? Shit that is- that is a weird way to describe that but most people on here have seen Encanto right? Y'all get it? And Sir Pentious is both a Victorian Gentleman Type and completely unhinged. Like... idk there's something there. I could maybe see it working. But at the end of the day, it's just too early to tell.
That being said I WILL be trying to pump out some fanart of these two before the actual show comes out and crushes my crackshipping dreams. Also their ship name is either SeraPentious or PentSera I can't decide.
Edit: Wait a second... SeraPent. Serpent. PUN!!!!!!!!!! Okay I think I'm going with SeraPent-
#this is really just my attempt to make PentSera a thing before the show airs and I look like a fool#CRACKSHIPPERS ARIIIIIIIISE!!!!!!!!!#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel analysis#idk if that's actually a tag but who cares#sera#hazbin sera#hazbin hotel sera#sir pentious#sir pentious x sera#sera x sir pentious#serapentious#pentsera#I might just stick with pentsera tbh it rolls off the tongue way better#analysis#long post#I feel like. I should tag this with late night ramblings. this feels like a late night ramblings post.#probably because I'm sleep deprived and so depressed I'm constantly exhausted#I'll tag late night ramblings for now and remove it if I change my mind ig#late night ramblings#serapent#gal overanalyzes random shit
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i'd rather be friendless than to constantly have my boundaries disrespected
#i am so frustrated and annoyed rn#at the beginning of this year my ex best friend reached out to me and i cautiously let her back into my life#things were going great but now she turned a harmless topic into a full blown discussion even though i told her multiple times that i no..#.. longer want to discuss this matter but she kept going & then accusing me of continuing the discussion as well#and tbh i really should've stopped engaging with her messages much sooner but it's so annoying when someone sends you lots of messages with#their opinion although i mentioned several times that i want to drop the topic & then i'm just expected to shut up lol#she didn't respect my wish to move and made a huge fuss about nothing#i stopped replying to her since yesterday bc i really had enough & i should've just left her on read much sooner#but her messages were truly annoying me#her last message now says that we often have different opinions & she thinks she's more optimistic than me & that makes it hard for her to..#talk to me..... i was so dumbfounded when i read that this morning#our initial conversation was about whether a song is more pop or rnb....... & she twisted that into me being negative lmao#she was so obsessed with being right that she couldn't drop the topic even though i told her how exhausting the convo was for me#and like it's such an irrelevant topic... imagine being that obsessed with always being right 😭#idc anymore i'd rather be a negative bitch than someone who disrespects others' boundaries <3#i thought she changed for the better but she's so self-righteous opinionated & stubborn it's awful#i calmly told her that her behavior is bothering me & we easily could've just moved on but she kept going on and on#and she herself admitted that it's one of her flaws that she always has to be right & she's being petty & yet she didn't stop 🤡#even writing all this down feels so silly to me bc the initial topic was sooooo trivial#am i supposed to feel sorry for thinking a song was rnb rather than pop???? like go touch some grass please#she even sent me a screenshot of the wikipedia page of the song to prove that it's rnb & it literally said synth pop & rnb lol#but i wasn't even mad about that her not respecting my wish to drop the topic & move on even though i said it multiple times really pissed..#me off though.... like girl just let it go it's not that deep!!!#but apparently i'm negative & pessimistic for having a different opinion than her 🤷🏼♀️#like imagine starting a fight over smth SO IRRELEVANT but i'm the negative one sure lmao#okay i just needed to get this off my chest bc i don't have anyone to talk to about this & it's just ridiculous to me#☁️
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and every day the list of blocked words/phrases grows longer
#it’s honestly so fucking exhausting#everywhere I go on the MLP side of that damn app I see utter vitriol towards G5#I’m just so fucking tired of this already#like I don’t care if you don’t like G5 but people on Pinterest are so vocal about their hatred for it that I’ve started to block people#which isn’t something I do often on Pinterest considering the finality of it#I hate this. I fucking hate this. why can’t I just like something without seeing ire and hatred for it wherever I go#fuck this shit#might delete this later#just kinda pissed rn#rant#cw rant#tw rant#rant cw#rant tw#pinterest#mlp g5#feel free to rb I don’t really care tbh
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hi sorry I'm stupid but are you rooting for the oilers or not in your last two posts I legit cannot tell (they're my hometown team and I'm not into hockey but I am into your writing and honestly I'm just wondering)
hi omg no sweat and ur not stupid, the fault’s entirely mine bc my hockey lb is extremely confusing! i am rooting for the oilers yea!! im first and foremost a canucks fan (theyre my hometown team) but i kept watching the playoffs and began to like the oilers seriously (its just. davo is so endearing. its kinda difficult to dislike a guy whose love for the sport is just so honest). that said, ive also been watching the eastern conference games so my awe for the panthers is tremendous bc theyre legit beasts
i rambled again but tl;dr is yea im rooting for the oilers 😭
take care my love and smooches <33
#anon#ask#suns net#only ever rooted for canucks tbh LMAO but davo kept popping up in my feed#(davo as in mcdavid)#and so i began to look into the guy (bc i can gen feel my dislike bloating and i didnt wanna entertain it bc i just wanna enjoy the game yk)#and jesus davo is. wow. i cant even begin to get into how fucking astounded ive become#my heartstrings were tugged the moment i found out two pivotal facts about davo’s start in the nhl:#1) he was drafted into the oilers bc they for REAL wanted him to save the struggling team. hockey is a team sport yea but davo was honest#to god some metaphor for a messiah and so until now hes been carrying these old-age expectations and pressure#2) he is the youngest permanent nhl captain in history - he was 19 years old at the time#and something about those made davo so much more.. human (?) to me#like cmon dude as a canucks fan? all we ever see was the overt favouritism to davo bc hes a living legend! it was exhausting! but then i saw#what that title really entailed and i felt bad for even disliking him sm when poor guy’s just tryna make his team win 😭#…this is so not me oikawa-fying davo
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I hate living in this world.
#misc#negativity tw#first off i had an argument with a colleague at work#we had to move places for the millionth time in this stupid open space#which already annoyed me#but this guy came at bargained like he always do while i said nothing because it's not like we chooae#and he always does that for actual work because and idk at first i made a snarky comment about now that he got what he wanted he better be#ready to work instead of hiding when somebody ask him to do his job#and he told me he didn't understand the remark#and my hot temper that makes me snap every five years took over#i bet he has by now complaining aboutme like he does about everything#anyway i take hours to calm down (not calm after 4 hours)#I'm also pissed at me cause i can't get emotional without shaking stupidly which makes me look like an hysterical person (i mean sadly i am)#also if there has to have an explanation once my anger is gone tomorrow i will be back on social anxiety mode which is gonna make it worse#all of this reminded me that i need to find a new job for ten thousand reasons#but unfortunately all employers are shit and actually i don't even know what i want to do#and as usual i have no energy for anything because i am still a major piece of shit#then i wanted to relax#made the mistake to open Instagram because I'm also stupid#and i know i don't often talk about politics and stuff#but it's really draining me#i barely or read news just enough to be aware#and honestly its exhausting but I dont want to complain cause Im in a privileged position where i have the chance to be able to 'shut off'#and yes my country and especially this government is sickening me#and like its people too#and also insta is full of pride posts#and i am stupid to read the homophobic and transphobic comments#and genuinely these people alongside racist and islamophobic people really scare the hell out of me#hopefully i don't engage but i shouldn't read anything at all tbh#speaking of pride im spiralling because even tho i kinda identify as aro i feel like a freak and i have nobody to tell me im not
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literally so bummed out I might cry
#I know this isn't a normal reaction at all#sigh#personal#feeling left out all the time is so exhausting it's so frustrating it's so fucking sad#it's the feeling that you're never really welcome#the internet gives you acess to things but up till a certain point#you never get the full experience you never have the same fun#you're not even just a number you're a number no one cares about that much so you're not included#sorry guys just feeling ugh#I hope someone out there gets it and feels seen by this#there is a chance it might get me hate instead but yk I kinda welcome it instead of this feeling#I wish I could ever feel truly a part of the phandom but it's times like these that I see we never will be#which is one of the biggest reasons I left during II era it was just a horribl#e feeling seeing them go on tour after tour and knowing the videos got neglected and all that mattered were people who could go#aka not most of the world#I don't think I ever managed not to be bitter towards any of their tours tbh#it just sucks#to everyone else who doesn't get to go
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TIL writer’s burnout is a thing and I recognize myself in the symptoms ;-;
#I have been struggling so bad with writing and I couldn't figure out what was wring bc I love writing#turns out the big time-based and quality-based expectations I put on myself and forcing so hard to write due to said expectations did damage#I'm so sorry i might have to do a small writing hiatus or smthn#Tbh I think I was taking my writing way too seriously and forgetting it's fanfic i'm making for free#like im not getting a cent out of this im not trying to impress a boss or anything#and i'm not saying this in a mean way im saying this in a “rly should have been more gentle on myself” way#and by putting so much on my shoulders for something that should be feeling small I started feeling overwhelmed and exhausted just thinking/#/of picking up my keyboard#im sorry I really dont want to disappoint y'all but it's just not working atm ;-;#rambling
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