#joseph kavinksy

[lesbianlucysnowe]

Raven Cycle/Dreamer Trilogy Blorbo Battle

If you've read The Raven Cycle, chances are one or more of these characters burrowed into your mind and permanently changed your brain chemistry for the worse. In this tournament, your faves will be battling it out until we narrow it down to the Ultimate Blorbo.

Here's the line-up:

All polls will be tagged #TRCBracket

Links to polls under the cut👇

First Round:

Match-Up #1: Hennessy vs. Matthew Lynch

Match-Up #2: Noah Czerny vs. Joseph Kavinksy

Match-Up #3: Jordan vs. Carmen Farooq-Lane

Match-Up #4: Declan Lynch vs. Henry Cheng

Second Round:

Adam Parrish vs. Matthew Lynch

Gansey vs. Noah Czerny

Ronan Lynch vs. Jordan

Blue Sargent vs. Declan Lynch

[ahomeganeyatsu]

and as I am on my Rovinsky thoughts and my kinda rapunzel au:

Here the tower is Cabeswater, and Ronan lives there.

Kavinsky steals from Cabeswater still and somehow in one of his jaunts, he gets a glimpse of Ronan. At first, Kavinsky thought he imagined it, coz mindfuckery and not wanting to get caught by the trees.

The next time, he finds the other person, boy whatever, looking at him. It keeps happening, until Kavinsky on one of his dreams, actually tries looking for him. He thinks Ronan is one of his dreams, something like this place creating a guilt switch in him by way of this boy with the bluest eyes and a sharpness to his handsome face that Kavinksy can feel the sting of a cut just imagining himself touching him.

And somehow, the stealing still happens, but Kavinsky comes to dream for Ronan more than anything.

They race. They fight. And Kavinsky burns and burns for this dream's company.

And he tries to take him out of Cabeswater, but Ronan refuses, runs away. And it frustrates Kavinsky, that this dream of his is so elusive. That he can't hold onto it long enough to bring him to the waking.

Then, somehow, it all stops. Ronan the dream is gone from the place.

He thought this place had enough of him, that mercy was done and took this one nice thing. Nothing new in the life of Joseph Kavinsky.

And one day, he sees him at Nino's. He's not alone.

He sees him with the King.

[most-screwed-by-writers-tourney]

Already got a list of the ships for the ULTIMATE fucked up ship tournament done. Hopefully will start it in two weeks or so. This is a list of the ships:

1. The Darkling and Alina, The Grisha Trilogy

2. Batman and The Riddler, The Batman 2022

3. stu and billy from scream

4. Vriska and Terezifrom homestuck

5. light and l from death note

6. Dirk Strider and Jake English from Homestuck,

7. Vio and Shadow Link from the Four Swords manga

8. Emilio Murkmere x Tobias Schenien from Ghost Eyes

9. Oswald x Ed from Gotham

10. Anna Croft/ Yu Junghyeok (orv)

11. Dimitri/Edelgard - Fire Emblem Three Houses

12. Will Graham and Hannibal, Hannibal

13. yoonbum x sangwoo, killing stalking

14. Starscream and Megatron, from the Transformers franchise

15. Mukuro Ikusaba/Junko Enoshima from Dangan Ronpa

16. Ladd Russo and Lua Klein from Baccano!

17. Daida and Miranjo from Ousama Ranking

18. Shizuo and Izaya from Durarara!!

19. theresa x otto, honkai impact

20. dorian x fem! inquisitor, dragon age

21. renee x huey from baccano

22. nanami x touga, revolutionary girl Utena

23. madoka and homura, puella magi madoka magica

24. (Ronan Lynch x Joseph Kavinksy) - The Raven Cycle

25. Seishirou and Subaru from Tokyo Babylon/X

26. Misaki/Satou, Welcome to the NHK

27. Bakugou and Deku (My Hero Academia)

28. Akito and Shigure, Fruits Basket

29. House and Wilson, House MD

30. Scarlet and Chase, I’m the Grim Reaper

31. Jong-woo and Moon-jo, Strangers from Hell

32. Moon-young and Gang-tae, It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

33. Medea and Helio, Your Throne

34. Celty and Shinra, Durarara

35. Akira and Ryo, Devilman

36. Yoshino and Kirishima, Raise wa Tanin Ga ii

37. Chateau and Ryang-ha, Love of Kill

38. Satoko and Shinpei, Hotaru no Yomeiri

39. Clarice and Hannibal, Silence of the Lambs

40. He Yan and Fu Shenxing, Who is the Prey

41. Cain/Owen from Promise of Wizard / Mahoyaku

42. Texas/Lappland from Arknights.

43. Jeongmin and Siyun, Dreaming Freedom

44. Han Chae-ah and Park Yunsu, Trapped

45. akane kurashiki/junpei tenmyouji from zero escape

46. Juri/Shiori (from Revolutionary Girl Utena)

47. Jackie/Shauna, Yellowjackets)

48. Cassandra/Rapunzel from the Tangled series

49. Damien and Elena from vampire diaries

50. Kristoph/Phoenix, Ace Attorney

51. Juice and Chibs, Sons of Anarchy

52. Utena/Anthy from the anime Revolutionary Girl Utena.

53. Cutthroat x Swindler, from Akudama Drive.

54. Yuno Gasai x Yukkiteru Amano from Mirai Nikki

55. Sal/Syakesan x Wadanohara from Wadanohara and the Great Blue Sea.

56. Jeremy and the SQUIP, Be More Chill

57. Ian Grimm and Poppy Li, Mythic Quest

58. Lestat de Lioncourt and Louis De Pointe du Lac, Interview with the Vampire

59. fuuma and kamui from clamp's x/1999

60. Victor and Eli, Vicious

61. Elisabeth and Der Tod, Elisabeth

62. Rudolf and Der Tod, Elisabeth

63. Veronica Sawyer and J.D, Heathers

64. Akechi Goro × Persona 5 protagonist (Akira Kurusu/Ren Amamiya)

65. Hondomachi and Fukuda, ID: Invaded

66. Harley Quinn and the Joker, DC

67. Christine and Erik, Phantom of the Opera

68. Lisa Reisert and Jackson Rippner, Red Eye

69. Valeta and Reinhart, I Failed to Oust the Villain

70. Light Yagami and Misa Amane, Death Note

71. Sumire and Hakubo, Toilet Bound Hanako Kun

72. Mika Harima and Seiji Yagiri, Durarara!!

73. Emma Wilson and Yohan Lee, My Deepest Secret

74. Sarah and Jareth, Labyrinth

75. Addie LaRue and Luc, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue

76. Ja Yoon and The Nobleman, The Witch, Part One: Subversion

77. Makima and Denji, Chainsaw Man

78. Kyoko and Katsuya, Fruits Basket

79. Mrs. De Winter and Maxim, Rebecca

80. Mutsuki Tooru and Urie Kuku, Tokyo Ghoul

81. Victor and Elizabeth, The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein

82. Constanta, Magdalena, and Alexei and Dracula, A Dowry of Blood

83. Ha-im and Geunhu, Never Ending Darling

84. Frank Cotton & Julia Cotton - Hellraiser (1987)

85. Yuki Cross & Kaname Kuran, Vampire Knight

86. Johann and Sasha, The Double Agent

87. Sian and Yul, Secret Alliance

88. Charlize and Dylan, The Taming of the Tyrant

89. Lin and Dosung, 340 Days

90. Makishima Shougo & Shinya Kougami from PSYCHOPASS.

91. Charlotte Willmore x Lizzie Wells, from The Perfection (2018).

92. “Hikaru”/Yoshiki from The Summer hikaru Died,

93. Dolph Laserhawk x Alex Taylor from Captain Laserhawk

94. Dolph Laserhawk x Rayman from Captain Laserhawk: A Blood Dragon Remix

95. Yuuji Itadori x Mahito from Jujitsu Kaisen

96. (luo binghe x shen qingqiu) from scum villain's self saving system.

97. Heaven Official's Blessing. Ships He Xuan and Shi Qingxuan.

98. Ives and Boyd from Ravenous 1999

99. Eve and Vilanelle, Killing Eve

100. Sephiroth/Cloud (FF7 Compilation)

101. Clary and Jace from the Mortal Instruments

102. Rika Sasaki/Yoshiyuki Terada, Cardcaptor Sakura,

103. Veralidaine Sarrasri/Numair Salmalín, from the Immortals Quartet

104. Eli/Oskar, Let the Right One In (2008).

105. Lavan Firestorm/Kalira, Brightly Burning

106. Lapis/Jasper (Steven Universe

107. PearlescentMoon/SMajor, the Life Series

108. Christine/Erik (Phantom Takarazuka)

109. The Brain/Julia (Animaniacs 2020)

110. Sterek, Teen Wolf

111. Jonathan Sims/Elias Bouchard, The Magnus Archives

112. Fyodor and Nikolai, Bungo Stray Dogs

113. Beatrice and Battler, Beabato, from "Umineko”

114. Father Paul/Riley Flynn; Midnight Mass

115. Edward Teach/Izzy Hands; Our Flag Means Death;

116. Batman/Joker

117. Cesare Borgia/Lucrezia Borgia - The Borgias

118. Dean/Sam Winchester from Supernatural

119. Vegas/Pete (Kinnporsche: The Series)

120. Hitori Uzune and Nanaki Kazuaki from Hatoful Boyfriends.

121. Lanze/Bluepool and Anan from Beauty and the Beasts

122. Blade and Dan Heng from Honkai Star Rail

123. Spike and Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

124. Isaac and Finn, I’m Dating a Psychopath

125. Lenore and Annabelle, Nevermore

126. Estelle and Khalid, From a Knight to a Lady

127. Layla and Matthias, Cry or Better Yet Beg

128. Hyuna and Luka, Alien Stage

129. Karuto and Lily, Dear my Living Dead

130. Andrew and Ashley Graves, Coffin of Andy and Leyley

131. Lydia Deetz/Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

132. Harrow and gideon from gideon the ninth/Locked Tomb

133. Cathy x Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)

134. Felix x Ollie (Saltburn)

135. Grace Chastity x Max Jaegerman, Nerdy Prudes Must Die

136. Mikoto and Haijin, Tsuiraku JK to Haijin Kyoushi

137. Eucenielle and Tes, I Hold the Tyrant’s Heart

138. Claire and Balt, The East Wind of the Altas

139. Usui and Misaki, Maid Sama

140. Sebastian Michaelis and Ciel Phantomhive, Black Butler

141. Dabi x Hawks from My Hero Academia

142. Alice “Daisy” Tonner/Basira Hussain, The Magnus Archives

143. Naruto and Sasuke, from Naruto

144. Byleth Eisner / Jeritza von Hrym from fire emblem three houses

145. Akira x keisuke from togainu no chi (nitro+chiral game)

146. Lucy Gray Baird and Coriolanus Snow, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

147. Elias and Chise, The Ancient Magus Bride

148. Gendo and Yui Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion

149. Punpun and Aiko, Goodnight Punpun

150. Sang-hyun and Tae-ju, Thirst

151. Hawa and Adam, The Guy Upstairs

152. Satoru Fujnuma and Gaku Yashiro, Erased

153. Root and Sameen Shaw, Person of Interest

154. The Doctor and the master, Doctor Who

155. Juliette and Warner, Shatter Me

156. Ich and Mrs Danvers, Rebecca das Musical

157. Kokichi Ouma and Shuichi Saihara, Danganronpa V3

158. Roxy and Velma, Chicago

159. Griffith and Guts, Berserk

160. Creed and Train, Black Cat

161. Torso and Mutsuki, Tokyo ghoul

162. Vash and Knives, Trigun

163. Sweeney Tod and Mrs Lovett, Sweeney Tod

164. Kuroi and Mashiro, Thou Dhall Not Die

165. Amy and Nick, Gone Girl

166. India and Charlie Stoker, Stoker

167. Pig and Runt, Disco Pigs

168. Anakin and Padme, Star Wars

169. Chloe and Kairos, I Shall Kill That Sweet Devil

170. Jung and Seol, Cheese in the Trap

171. Anthy and Akio Ohtori, Revolutionary Girl Utena

172. Feyre and Rhysand, A Court of Thrones and Roses

173. Lelouch and Suzaku, Code Geass

174. Mikiya and Shiki, Garden of Sinners

175. Gatsby and Daisy, The Great Gatsby

176. Ivan and Till, Alien Stage

177. Sylar and Elle Bishop, Heroes

178. Helena and Demetrius, A Midsummer Night’s Dream

179. V and Rika, Mystic Messenger

180. Yukari and George, Paradise Kiss

[kindnessinsilver]

hello dear Fox i’m a little too many drinks in but i consider you a veritable resource on opinions and i gotta know, in regards to TRC shit what do you think about kavinsky tried to kill his dad vs. kavinsky’s dad tried to kill him? i’ve seen both opinions on this here tumblr dot com and while i do reserve some very opinionated takes on this shit i’m curious 2 hear yours as well. peace n love bro

Hello friend! I enjoy your tipsy messages, but pls know you can totally ask me random questions also not when drinking! I do have many opinions and I'm glad you enjoy them.

Hmmmm, Joseph Kavinksy and his dad. Not gonna lie, it isn't something I've put a huge amount of thought into before now, but I'll sit down with it...

I feel that it's most likely that Kavinsky's dad tried to kill him first. Maybe K tried to step between his dad and his mom at some point, maybe he just got a little too loud and a little too troublesome, or maybe he got tired of his dad being a shithead in general and pushed back.

So Kavinsky the elder either tries to get some hired help in taking out his nuisance son or tries to take him out himself. I think Kavinsky maybe got out of it alive by using something he dreamed, something wild and terrifying, which is why K and his mom get sent away alive and gaudy rich and alone. Joseph scares the shit out of his dad, so he survives, but he still feels painfully and ridiculously lonely. Abandoned by his father physically and by his mom mentally/emotionally (even when he's drugging her, I think he probably feels like she left him first.)

Thanks for asking!

[crookswithbooks]

Kavinsky: Swiggity swag, your mom’s a hag.

Gansey, crying: You monster!

[drawfulneutral]

remember when kavinsky straight up manifested a dragon?

[nickyshemmicks]

Okay so i made a thing. For @sethgordon

[squallerzoya]

modern trc au: kavinsky is a tiktok star

[f0x-meets-w0lf]

dying’s a boring side effect.

[cowboymoonking]

it’s hard living with this big dumb brain

[pinkeebwui]

This ad hints it’s be Kavinsky, dream hundreds of cars until you get the right one. Or you could be Ronan and dream one just right.

[morose-moreau]

for the ask game who’s the most normal trc character

henry “lures you into a hidden crawl space in a disused school building and torments you with the thing you are deathly allergic to, in some weird double bluff/attempt at friendship???” cheng

joseph “you won’t be my boyfriend so im gonna kidnap your little brother and make all my friends drive around in dupes of my car with him maybe in the trunk” kavinksy

normal ways to treat ur crush, boys x

[steelycunt]

i fucking hate that you're right. he's sitting there night before putting the playlist together listening to spotify's own 'This is Steely Dan' playlist. who's going to stop him? who's going to steal the aux? fucking prokopenko? 'ronan glared' ok electro boy ur too good for yacht rock yeah sure sure

@aeridi0nis​ alright yes, kavinsky kidnapped matthew but have you considered his taste in music’s impeccable? 

[clownery98]

i kno every1 comes up with really heavy headcanons 4 the dream pack but imagine them in the den just hot boxing nd getting really stoned and just chilling nd making out with one another nd cuddlin

imagine there just bein this dog pile of teenage boys just passing spliffs and a bong between them watching shitty tv and putting it on mute when they decide that they wanna be the new voice actors and making it so extra™

kavinsky playing with proko’s hair as jiang presses kisses along his neck, skov and swan doin blowbacks whilst the others watch before they all join in falling into heavy makeouts and not knowing where one body ends and the others begin

kavinksy falling asleep and not bringing anything back bcos it was a proper rest, with no stealing, no violence, just sleep and the boys just curl up around him - not petting him like they do with each other (that job is only 4 proko) but just keeping him safe and warm and comfortable

someone deciding they should make food but getting distracted enough that it burns and sets off the fire alarm and leaves smoke stains on the ceiling, so they decide to order in and argue about what pizzas to get cos jiang is vegan but kavinsky and skov really want meat and they just order a whole bunch. when the doorbell rings they all like trip over themselves rushing to the door, laughing like maniacs bcos their eagerness is just so funny??

nd someone ends up dragging down all the pillows and duvets, and blankets in the house, and they all end up cuddled 2gether again, bein gross and feedin each other b4 they all decide that they’re 2 tired and pass out intertwined 

[prophezeiung]

the raven cycle

send me a fandom and i’ll tell you... ( accepting )

the first character i ever fell in love with: my main boy adam parrish.... on every reread since i have realized that he is a lil yikes in the beginning and loses his rights more than once but 17yo me said Ya Me Too every time adam did smt stupid... i am glad we both grew as people tho dkfkjfg

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: hmmm there only person that comes to mind is the gray man and i used to start off neutral towards him... like he’s a good character and antagonist and i respect him, but i’ve come to realize that his plot and the message it sends is just messed up...

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: blue and adam for obvious reasons, their bond is precious to me but nah that wasn’t it

my ultimate favorite character™: joseph kavinsky........ i straight up forgot how much i loved him and then i reread and it hit me all at once... now all i live dream breathe kavinsky it’s really not cute anymore... luna stop projecting on extremely terrible characters challenge but i fail every time..... also ronan lynch and adam parrish obviously

prettiest character: persephone in my head is just.... chef’s kiss..... also adam is straight up a work of art... beautiful man.... and last but not least piper greenmantle... i am so in love with her it hurts op she is straight up HOT

my most hated character: mr :) gray :) i’m sorry i blame this mostly on magpie and how she treats him esp in the context of who-deserves-redemption but yo it straight up sucks all my homies hate the gray man ... niall lynch is also a terrible fucking man i hate him too... also OFC barrington whelk but he is so pathetic and shitty i can’t even waste my energy on hating him you feel me

my OTP: ....... prokovinsky i hope that’s allowed...... also sarchengsey idc what y’all say they are meant to be <3 <3 <3 and pynch ofc !!!!! also? i blame @treppenwitzz​ and @zukunftsvision​? but pynchvinsky is so spicy and i think so much about it, especially with the persephone passage y’all pointed out about the instability of two... the entire series has been about 3s i think both sarchengsey and pynchvinsky are very appropriate

my NOTP: maura and the gr*y m*n pls maura make good choices !!!!!!

favorite episode chapter/scene: the entirety of tdt plays on a loop in my head but if i had to pick it’d be the one where blue and noah kiss, the one where ronan dreams of adam and k, the one where ronan dreams the camaro and i am fuckin crying thinking abt it lol...... honorable mention tho to the lamp moment it’s so fucking iconic

saddest death: definitely not kavinksy kavinsky didn’t die???? so it’s gotta be noah if that counts or someone else i can’t tell u bc spoilers :/

favorite season book: the dream thieves oh my god so much is revealed and the ronan povs are everything !!!! also kavinsky obviously. trk is up there too if only for henry cheng and that ending baby

least favorite season book: hmmmmm tdt too for all the gray man chapters and that ending

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: i?? don’t know?? i think my opinions are p in line with the fandom i don’t hate that many characters, maybe the fandom is a lil too lenient on the gray man for my taste but that’s it?

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: all of the main boys op lmao ronan and gansey and even adam are so annoying and stupid but i love them with my everything. also maybe greenmantle ugh he is such an asshole bad person but he is FUN to me !!!! anyway if u want the obvious answer tho it’s kavinsky, who else

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: noah czerny... my boy.... we deserved so much more noah so i am so grateful to everyone who writes him... same goes for henry i am mad and upset we didn’t get 4 books of henry’s glory but u know what imma fix that

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: any ship involving k is just wrong and bad but especially if it involves declan or noah or gansey. terrible but honestly i would not say no.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: bluesey without henry... adansey.... ronan and noah idk what the ship name is but it’s prob ridiculous....  yeah..

[overcompensate]

home is just a room full of my safest sounds

It’s the third time this week that he’s found himself gripping the ceramic of the sink countertop in the bathroom/kitchen/laundry of Monmouth Manufacturing. It’s not morning yet and not really night anymore, and every breath he takes sends pain down his spine. Ronan Lynch is misshapen words and broken bones and anger meshed into a skin that doesn’t fit quite right.

Most days he fills the emptiness gaping in his chest with alcohol and pills and the squeal of rubber tires against asphalt. It’s the third time this week that he’s found himself retching into the toilet; the world outside him still, silent. Chainsaw pecks at the one of the metal bars of her cage and he can feel the sound ringing in his mind.

Third time this week, Gansey stands just outside the bathroom/ kitchen/ laundry, forever awake, forever standing one door away from Ronan, his hand the shape of a knock, his lips the shape of pity. Outside, Gansey leaves. Today, he will let Ronan fight his own demons. He will let Ronan drink himself to death if that’s what he wants to do. Inside, Ronan passes out on the floor.

***

Sixteen was the age that he went to too many parties. His mother was alive and worried. At sixteen he made out with girls he didn’t like and watched boys he liked from far away. At sixteen his mind was too loud and the lights in the room were too damn bright, and he had to get out, damn it.  

He ended up on the roof. It was cold and the wet air whipped at his face. Ronan thought he might kill himself that very day, jump off the roof and let himself be carried far off. At sixteen he felt that kind of itch often, it was always easier to leave before things got too hard.

The priest had dedicated last week’s sermon to afterlife, and Ronan thought about the devil in his backyard and felt himself slipping further from heaven. And then, because he was scared and his ears were ringing, Ronan pulled out his phone and called Gansey.

It was Adam who picked up.

Ronan felt cold slide down his spine.

“Ronan? There better be good reason to this.”

“I- fuck.” Ronan checked the caller’s ID. He had accidentally called trailer-boy. Ronan thought sand eyelashes and freckles. He thought wrists and bruises and greased overalls. The devil smiled, Ronan slipped more. “I’m at Kavinsky’s place.” Silence. Ronan felt himself jumping off the roof. “Please.”

Adam arrived soon after. He was out of breath. Blue-green spread out from below his right eye to his nose. Downstairs the party raged. Now that Adam stood this close, Ronan felt stupid for calling him.

“Why’d you call me?”

Ronan grinned, wild. “Why’d you come?” The air whipped, wilder. Neither of them spoke. Adam shifted his weight from one foot to another, uncomfortable. That had shut him up.

It was Ronan who spoke next. “How long are you gonna let him do that?”

Adam’s fingers went to the bruise staining his face, Ronan watching closely. “However long it takes for me to graduate.”

“However long it takes for me to graduate.” He snickered. “However long it takes for him to kill you, more like.”

“If you called me here just to be a condescending brat, I’ll be on my way. I have work early.” Adam crossed his arms, a timid impersonation of anger.

Ronan leaned back at the railing. “Get your head out of your ass, trailer trash. If you must know, I called you here because I was contemplating jumping off. As in killing myself. As in not caring about your dickhead of a father and how you refuse to let yourself leave,” Ronan spits out. He said it more for the dramatics, because everything he says has to be one big ha-ha joke, a punch or a smirk. He says it before anyone can catch him caring, makes it a snide remark before it becomes serious.

Adam tensed and Ronan knew he had hit a nerve. Downstairs, the song changed to a slower one.

“Fuck you, Lynch,” Adam spat. He stormed past Ronan.

Ronan smiled wider.

***

“Lynch. Lynch. Ronan. Calm yourself, princess.”

The lights keep flashing. Blue. Red. Blue again. Fourth July can go fuck itself, Kavinsky was celebrating himself tonight.

Kavinsky with all the bravado of a drunk seventeen year old hit Ronan across the face. “You done being a fuckin’ pussy now?”

For about twenty seconds Ronan stared at his hands, which he noticed were shaking. Ronan shook his head. His cheek throbbed. “Not yet.” He brought his fist down on Kavinsky’s nose, smirked like he had done him a favor. “You can continue now,” he said, the picture of nonchalance, as if he hadn’t come stumbling and stuttering Joseph Kavinsky’s name like a prayer. His father’s brains painted the driveway to the Barns red. Ronan didn’t know what to do with himself at nights. He tried to remember why he came here.

“Goddamn. Goddamn.” Kavinsky put his fingers to his nose, licking the blood that had flown onto his lips. “Goddamnit Lynch, did daddy not give you your pills today? Damn, that hurts, goddamn it.” And then, like he only now realized that words other than various combinations of god and damn exist, he shoved Ronan by the shoulders. “I’m gonna put a fuckin’ ban on you man, why’re you coming to my parties and punching me in the goddamn face?”

Ronan merely shrugged.

“Yeah, Lynch, act like you didn’t come in here sobbing like a fuckin’ baby. Gansey, oh Gansey, wherefore art thou Dick? I wish to hop on it. Or is it trailer-boy you’re fucking these days?” He snorted unattractively. Yeah. That’s why he came here: Because Kavinsky simplified everything to a few incorrectly quoted lines and an innuendo, because Kavinksy was superficial and idiotic and. And.

And he had drugs.

“Ha- fucking- ha. Take a medal for you’re a-grade Shakespeare skills, Joseph.” Kavinsky flashed him a smile. “You know what I’m here for. Give me the stuff so I can leave.”

Ronan passed out that night with his clothes off on Kavinsky’s floor, his nose burning.

***

They lay in Ronan’s parents’ bed in the barns; skin sticky and hearts thudding, coming down from the high but not enough for the world to make sense yet. In these moments of unguarded love Ronan would admit he wants to kiss every freckle on Adam’s shoulder. Ronan would let himself look at Adam’s eyes, his lips, his hands, at Adam without red-hot shame running down his spine.

Here was Adam; skin glowing golden in the setting sun, head back, neck arched. Here was Adam; fingers running lazy spirals across his tattoo, eyelashes brushing cheekbones, mouth parted. Here was Adam unwary, Adam perfect and peaceful and—

“I don’t deserve you.” The words are out before Ronan can stop them. His neck goes red.

Adam laughs, slow and easy. “Yeah? Why d’you think that?”

“Just do.” The red travels to his shoulders. “You want a fucking essay?”

“I’m good. Just strange for you to say that, that’s all.” Strange of you to say that. Ronan toys with the words in his mind: strange as in Adam disagrees? Strange as in Adam might even say the same for him?

He shifts to press his mouth against Adam’s skin. “You’re just too damn perfect, that’s all.”

Adam lifts his head up just enough to look at Ronan through half-lidded eyes, his eyebrows raised. He laughs, quietly, and falls back with a thud. Ronan flushes three shades darker. “So are you, you know,” Adam says. “Like I can’t ever tell you properly, but you really are.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty dang great.”

Adam laughs again. Ronan crawls up till his head is on Adam’s shoulder and falls asleep like that; fingers buried in his hair, his cheek warm where it touches Adam’s skin.

***

They fall into patterns after the Second Death. There’s mornings in the barn where Adam would be gone to work or school before Ronan even had the time to blink the sleep out of his eyes. Some mornings Adam would stay back and they’d sit on the porch steps while Opal would run in the knee high grass of the fields. In the evenings those who went to school would do their homework on the floor of Monmouth. Ronan would sit in his bedroom and let it all wash over him.

He told himself it was comfort, this everyday normalcy. That it’s okay they weren’t talking, even if they were fucking traumatized, and that it’s okay Adam pulls away from him and wears seventy layers of clothing every day and that they all have the same ghost look in their eyes. They are fine. He chants it to himself like a mantra. Fine. Fine. Fine.

One night they’re lying there on the couch: Ronan on one end, Adam on the other. Adam’s doing that thing where he watches his hands for hours on end, flexing and unflexing them, turning them one way and the other, reminding himself that these are his hands, and Ronan’s doing that thing where he watches Adam for hours on end trying to remember when he got replaced by this skeleton.

The clock ticks from the hallway. Ronan snaps. “Can you fucking stop?” His voice comes out harsh. Adams backs away from his own hands, blinking.

“I’m—I’m sorry. Sorry.” He puts his hands on his lap, and then on second thoughts, he sits on them instead. “Sorry.” He looks small, pitiful. His eyes sunken into hollows, and from where Ronan sits he can count about three sweaters on him even though it's just the middle of September.

“I didn’t mean it like that. Goddammit, why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong?” He reaches forward and touches Adam on the shoulder, a ghost of a touch, but Adam snaps backwards like he’s been punched. “See what I mean? Why can’t I touch you anymore, Adam? Why don’t you just leave if you hate me so much?” Ronan’s voice is pleading and his eyes are wet.

“Because I almost killed you, that’s why. Don’t you remember? Or did you make yourself forget that part?” Adam’s words come out in heaving sobs and he’s rocking himself back and forth. “I almost killed you Ronan, I’m a monster, I almost killed you, I almost. Fucking. Killed. You.”

They’re both crying, and it’s all a mess and really, Ronan at any other point in time and history would have just gotten up and left, but he needs to fix this. He reminds himself he’s fine, and he breathes even though he’s still crying.

Ronan Lynch is a creature of great wonder and bad chosen words. He walks towards Adam and kneels to where he’s sitting, takes both his hands in his and places them on his neck. Adam’s fingers tremble against Ronan’s throat, and Ronan can barely get words out between all the tears but he keeps saying it again and again to Adam. “I’m not afraid, it wasn’t your fault. I love you. I love you. Iloveyou.”