#john has a very bad time
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Fodder for Dreaming
John is in between stays at Ravenscar. Weirdness finds him no matter how hard he tries to toe the line and when two skinheads proposition him to get rid of a demon infestation, they're really not asking. John goes along but get's a whole lot more than he bargained for at the worst time.
The gate slams behind him and John opens his eyes.
He's laying down and there's thunder outside his windows.
Bad weather and bad dreams again.
He's in his bed.
He's in a bed.
Another nameless motel.
Another stained ceiling.
He reaches for his cigarettes and already the thoughts come tumbling back to him.
He's a month out of Ravenscar, mind frayed and bed sweaty from another nightmare. Another memory he can't chase away.
More bad dreams he can't help.
He's trying this time. He really doesn't want to go back and he's being good. No friends, nothing weird.
Not even any drugs. . .
His hands shake as they light his cigarette and he's faced with another aimless day.
Bad weather and bad dreams all day and all night.
He has nothing to do and nowhere to go, nothing but to think and no one to take him from his thoughts when he can't stop them.
Cheryl has a baby and Chas is in London.
His other friends are in the wind.
No band and no guitar, not that he was really good at it. He'd just been pretending. . . like with everything else.
He get's up and goes to the store, spends some of his last few quid on another pack of Silk Cuts and walks around with his hands in his pockets and his head full of broken glass.
It's been like this for a month.
Nowhere to go, no one to see.
No one that visits and no one to visit himself.
Just him and his head.
Him and his glass.
He ends up at a pub.
He always ends up at the pub these days.
He want's to get drunk.
Wants to forget but never can.
He drinks and drinks and doesn't hear the music.
Someone puts on ABBA and he doesn't hear it.
Doesn't hear it when the song changes and Barbara Streisand takes over.
He stays, sits, drinks and braces for another night all the same as the rest. The same thoughts and the same dreams all in the same putrid, little room.
Nothing changes and he's only just holding it together.
He's not sure he wants to live like this and the cracked bar in front of him is screaming that this is as low as it get's.
No faces he knows in the crowed, no voices shouting over the din and the music. . . no one to call and nothing but the thoughts in his head to keep him company.
They scream at him.
He doesn't think he's ever been so alone.
He can't hear the music over the screaming. . .
Astra's screaming. . .
He can't hear anything any more except her.
So he doesn't hear when two men call out to him and he jumps when they sit down on either side of him. He isn't used to people any more.
They slide onto stools and smirk, heads shaved and shining.
"Evening, mate." One of them say's and his heart hammers between them.
One is gangly and tall and the other is broad and dense.
They're both skinheads.
"Don't think I know you." He say's, trying to play it cool. Whatever it is they want it isn't going to be good.
They order their drinks and they order one for him too, pushing it towards him like they're old friends.
The gangly one lights up.
"You're Constantine, right?" He asks.
John hesitates. "You wanna tell me your name first?" He asks.
"Nigel." The man say's.
Nigel.
Right.
He snorts but the man doesn't thump him for it.
Warning sign number one.
"This is Tom, we've been looking for you." Nigel continues. "Heard about you and some friends of yours having a gig in Manchester some years ago." He reads John's face. "Now we don't want music you understand. . . we want the other thing. We've heard you know about the Arcane. Heard you know a lot, actually."
John feels himself break out in sweat . "Lot's happened since Manchester." He say's. "I'm not sure I'm the man you want."
Nigel nods and Tom say's nothing. "Well now that's not what we've heard. We've heard you're the guy to talk to. You're the guy who knows stuff."
He thinks of Newcastle and suddenly almost can't see.
He's blind and deaf and flailing.
"We've got a problem. One of our friends was. . . well he wasn't the careful type, you know? He brought something into the house but. . . it won't leave. Won't bloody get out. Do you understand?"
John thinks of all the arrogant, somehow lucky stuff he's done and shakes is head. "Can't help you." He say's, voice shaking more than he'd expected.
He tries to get up but Tom plants his hand in his chest and pushes him back onto his stool.
"Drink your pint." He say's.
John drinks his pint. "Look I can't help you." He say's again.
He can barely help himself.
They don't blink. "We're not asking." Nigel say's, mouth turned down in a frown yet somehow still smiling.
He has a freckle under his left eye.
John stares at it. "I'm telling you I can't help you." He say's again, feeling strained.
There's smoke in the air and Nigel doesn't listen. "Anyway, it's small time but Paul, that was the poor chap- he got eaten. Since then it's been wrecking the place. You can't even go into the drawing room."
John stares at him wildly.
It doesn't sound that tough.
He's dealt with weirder shit. . .
It's only fucking up a drawing room. . .
He stops himself and shakes his head. "Mate, I'm telling you. I can't do anything about it." He say's, desperate for them to listen.
They shake their heads.
They don't listen.
"See you keep saying that but you took care of that thing in Newcastle, I heard."
John think's he's going to vomit but he doesn't. "Heard that did you?" He asks, voice horse.
Voice cracking.
Nigel shrugs. "Dunno what I heard but I heard something. Anyway, we need it gone and we need the proper sort to do it. You know what we mean?"
He doesn't and Tom grunts.
"Don't fucking make a problem." He say's.
John looks around the pub and considers splitting but they're right next to him and he doubts he'll make it. "Look. . . maybe you tell me what it is and I can help you from here." He says, hopping Nigel think's it's a good offer.
Nigel shakes his head. "No deal." He say's.
They drain their pints and he finishes his as he plots his escape.
He has to get away.
He can't do this shit again.
He isn't ready.
He never was.
His mind is already running through what the hell they could have summoned.
They usher him out, Nigel standing close, too close and Tom lighting a cigarette.
They take him to a car.
A beat up Admiral with a dented driver's door.
He want's a cigarette too.
He frowns and get's in the back, feeling like a prisoner or someone in a movie, ready to make a run for it.
"Don't do it." Tom say's, lowering his head to look in at him like he knows what he's thinking.
John thinks of the orderlies who beat him and the nights in Ravenscar and doesn't run.
Tom nods his head.
He nods too.
The car starts up.
The seat is cracked and old.
Nigel is humming.
John can't name the tune.
They head out of town, away from the city and into farm land but it isn't so far and they pull off at a black hulk before he's calmed down.
John's eyes adjust and he see's it's not a black hulk after a moment.
It's a manor house.
He looks around uncertainly and there's no lights showing from within.
"Alright, we're here." Nigel say's, fishing a copy of 'Candour' out from under the seat, glancing at it and throwing it in the back where John think's his heart is finally going to explode.
"I can't do it." He say's again, more weakly this time.
Even if he could he isn't prepared.
Nigel tuts and then suddenly there's a fist in his hair, dragging him over the back of the seat in front of him and Nigel is in his face, nose touching his cheek, breath foul.
"You're gonna fucking do it." He say's.
John isn't right in his head and he starts to shake but then the hand lets go and only a few hairs leave with it.
He sits back, bile twisting in his throat.
"Right then, out you go." Nigel say's.
They get out and he looks up at the manor house. It's crumbling front steps and boarded up windows. The missing masonry and the broken bricks littering the front walk. . . It looks derelict.
Tom pushes him and Nigel laughs.
He walks and they take him inside.
Maybe if he does what they want they'll take him back and he can go to bed.
Maybe the same every day isn't so bad.
He wants to see his stained ceiling again.
He stares around and then see's lights down hallways and knows suddenly that there are people here. His one hope that the place is abandoned. . . that somehow Nigel and Tom brought him to the wrong fucking house is dashed.
They pass rooms with collapsed floors and ceilings.
John doesn't like the holes that lead to nowhere, up and down. . . promising things and pains he can imagine only too well.
He looks at Nigel.
The man has stopped humming.
"It's in here." The man say's, stopping at a closed door.
John stares at him.
He stares at the door.
What the hell is he supposed to do?
He doesn't even know what's on the other side of the door.
Tom raises his eyebrows. "Well?" He asks.
John shakes his head. "What the bloody hell do you want me to do?" He asks. "You brought me all the way out here. . . I don't. . ."
But Nigel is smiling.
He puts his finger to his lips and then opens the door.
There's light inside.
There's fire in the grate and people all around.
Tom shoves him and John stumbles inside, raising a hand to shield his eyes for a moment before turning wildly and seeing a room filled with people.
There's a red banner with a black double S hung over the mantle. Back on red on hate.
SS.
He see's a dozen shaved heads and black boots and people are laughing all around. Girls with their hair bleached and faces hard. . . men and boys with smirks and brown bottles in their hands.
He turns to Nigel and Tom and opens his mouth.
Nigel hits him. "We needed the right kind." He say's. "Proper English lad. Figured that was what it'd want."
It?
There's a table laid out and John stares and see's food.
There's cake even.
He turns and balls his fists. "What the hell is this?" He shouts but they all laugh and he think's maybe he's gone round the bend again except he's definitely here and this isn't his usual brand of crazy.
"A worthy sacrifice." A figure say's rising out of the masses, his head nicked and shaved.
His eyes triumphant.
John's are bulging out of his head.
"We summon a god tonight. A god of the ancient Britons. We who call ourselves British, English, we here have taken pains to reclaim the glory that was our England! To take back our jobs and our government from outsiders. From Pakis and Nogs. . ." The man looks around as the others clap and cheer. "Is this not our homeland? Is this not our place? Is this not our fucking land?" He points downwards and receives cheers.
It's a lot of bullshit but one word stick's in John's ears: sacrifice.
He has a sudden, horrible feeling that he knows what they're sacrificing.
Who they're sacrificing.
He tries to run for the door then but Nigel catches him and drags him back, laughing.
The crowed closes in on him.
He turns again, wild this time and scared.
He's a cornered animal so he lashes out.
People are laughing, black boots and shaved heads.
Bleached blondes with their hard faces.
Nicks along their lovers' scalps.
Hate in their hearts.
People are pointing at him.
He's thinking of Astra.
When is he not?
He puts his hands over his head and cowers.
They grab him and drag him along, Nigel singing.
"When I was a lad, I hadn't any sense. I bought a flute for fifty pence. The only tune that I could play was-"
He stares ahead as they drag him to a circle they've drawn on the floor.
White chalk on ancient brown wood.
He doesn't know what it's supposed to be.
Maybe he doesn't know enough, maybe they don't.
He looks up and the man who'd risen from the crowed is there. He's older but not by much and his head looks like a skull.
There's a black, double S hanging behind him.
An evil herald.
"Blood of an Englishman. Proper red." He say's.
John stares up, heart hammering painfully.
Nigel is grinning.
Tom watches.
They're all watching.
Hungry and waiting.
His eyes water over and he tries to draw air, looking again for an exit that isn't there.
Nigel is in his ear.
"We sacrifice you and we get what we want. You see? Heard about that botched job in Newcastle." He clicks his tongue while John's heart does a somersault. "Don't reckon anyone will miss you."
There's candles burning around them.
People watching.
He can't breath and Nigel and Tom are on either side of him again.
Even Tom looks pleased for once and he's holding tight.
Hurting him.
John thinks this might be it and almost accepts it.
Almost except he doesn't want to be murdered by these people.
The cake has a red 88 on it.
Enough candles that he can't count them.
Who's birthday is it?
No.
Not here.
Not like this.
He struggles and they hit him, Tom's fist is big and meaty against his ribs.
He gasps for air and Nigel coos and takes over, holding him up. He wipes away his tears. He smiles and looks into his eyes and John feels his whole body shake.
Nigel searches his eyes and see's what he wants.
Nigel nods and let's go of his face.
John panics and kicks, desperate this time.
He hears an 'oof' and hits something soft.
Nigel doubles over, hands flying to his balls.
It isn't enough and the rest of them don't pause.
A knife joins them and he's still in the circle and blood get's out.
It sears when the knife cuts and he can't stop it or what follows.
Something changes.
The air changes and his breathing. . . he's only just started again but suddenly everything tastes bad.
The air around them is putrid and stale.
The others sense it too and something shakes the house.
They're on the ground floor but everyone looks uneasy.
The knife has stopped moving and John is just as uneasy as all of them.
The shaking stops and when nothing happens he and Nigel both go for the knife.
He grabs it but Nigel rips it away again, lashing out with his little cutter.
John throws them to the floor and Nigel screams out, yelling for the second time that night.
He's fallen on the knife and John stares in horror as the house begins to shake again.
Collapsed rooms finally devour the caverns above them.
Rot taking hold.
Rot winning.
He braces himself like a crab against the floor.
People are shouting.
"It comes! He comes!" The leader shouts, head shaved and nicked, arms waving frantically.
The SS overhead flutters.
The fire flares.
Something large is in the room.
Large and taking up space nothing can possibly fill.
John can't make sense of it and crawls away into a corner.
Whatever it is, it grabs up jackboots and devours them whole.
it eats and it feasts and it kills.
It licks the things it calls fingers and tears flesh and leather alike.
John cowers, everything he's recovered gone and then the thing looks at him.
It sniffs.
It waits.
He waits.
"Kon-stan-tyn." It breaths.
He opens mad eyes, not knowing if he's even alive still.
He wants to grovel.
The thing has horns.
Too many to count.
"No. A Constantine. A different one." It say's.
He doesn't know what it means.
It has no mouth.
He doesn't know how he's hearing it speak.
He can hardly look at it.
"A debt is paid. I spare you."
He stares back and then it's gone.
Ancient and primordial.
Some forgotten deity he doesn't want to know the name of.
He can't feel his legs and all around him is carnage.
It's like Newcastle all over again and he screams but there's no one left to hear him.
No one to care.
He wants to die.
He claws at his face and shakes his head against it but there's red everywhere.
The house is weak and he hears it creaking around him.
He get's up and tries to find the way out, slipping and sliding in what were once people. Bleached blondes and shaved heads.
There are lights down hallways just out of sight.
He doesn't know what he's seen.
No one left to tell him.
No money.
He closes his eyes and makes it outside, vomiting among the crumbling masonry and broken bricks.
He's in the middle of nowhere now and shivers in the night.
The beat up Admiral is in the grass but the keys are inside, mired in puddles of what were once the shapes of human beings.
His mind is shattered glass.
Blood and cities that aren't the same. . . little girls and skinheads. . . he can't sort it out.
Screams sounding all the same.
People all the same.
Blood everywhere and all of it red and just the same.
He wanders his way back to civilization.
There's a score of dead neo-Nazis behind him.
They had mothers too once. . . probably.
Not like him.
He's seen their mangled corpses.
He can't get it out of his head and he can't get Newcastle or Astra or Nigel's freckle out either.
He walks and mutters to himself, trying to make sense of it.
Trying to understand why it's all happened again.
Over and over.
Everything going wrong and him walking out. . . unscathed. . .
Nigel dead. . . Tom dead. . . their leader dead. . .
Astra and all the rest. . . all dead.
A siren eventually stops him and the police take him for a crazy.
He is and they take him back to the nick and process him and in just a few days time he ends up back in Ravenscar even though he tried to do the right thing.
Even though he stayed away from the drugs and the magic and all his friends who've disappeared.
He ends up back in the padded cell with the orderlies who hate him and the doctors who don't care.
He has new nightmares now.
New horrors to keep him up and play before his eyes, over and over and over.
The gates locked behind him.
#hellblazer#fanfiction#ao3#archive#fanfic#fanfiction.net#fic#john constantine#angst#hellblazer fic#ravenscar#hurt#hurt no comort#ancinet gods#demons#rituals#horror#gore#mild gore#violence#canon typical violence#blood#intimidation#skin heads#nationalism#john has a very bad time#drinking#monsters#complete#one shot
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soap's whole deal being sniper and demolitions gets me going bc on the surface they sound so different but when you get into it, you realise it's bc soap's smart
sniping is all math; calculating distances and wind interference and bullet drop. something i think people overlook is he was listed as a sniper first so it can be implied that he's better at it than demolitions. he does more sniping in both campaigns than demolitions work; in capture or kill, ghost specifically calls on him to take down the aq snipers
and demolitions is math with a hit of chemistry; knowing what mixes with what, knowing how much to use, recognising environmental factors and adjusting accordingly. it's not just about the boom; so much work goes into contained/ planned explosions. especially when having enough power for a breacher charge and not bringing down the whole building is the difference between mission success and failure
the chemical bombs he makes in alone can't just be any old cleaners, they have to have the correct reaction to each other; he just knew off the top of his head what would mix with what to create what reaction. he would also potentially have to recognise them by sight/smell bc they would’ve been written in spanish
soap would also have to know architecture; recognising structural integrity and weak points so he knows exactly where to plant a charge to bring it down and how it'll come down
he has an incredible soldier's mind people just forget that bc he's sociable which itself is a skill
we know he tends to buck against orders he doesn't agree with like when he pushes back against ghost in capture or kill and shepherd when he tells them to release hassan
he gets closer to people and sees if he can trust them and that's when he follows them without question. really think about how he talks to alejandro and rudy; he asks about their home and alejandro's family and rudy's relationship with him. those aren't questions you ask a stranger after a few hours of knowing them. that's not even touching on his relationship with ghost
he also deliberately brings people of higher ranks down to his level; talking informally with ghost and giving him a shoulder punch, addressing alejandro (a colonel!!) by his first name and rudy by his nickname despite literally just meeting them. he personalises all of them and it’s in direct opposition to the reason most characters do that; it’s not due to insubordination or lack of respect, the more he respects and trusts someone, the more casual he is with them
he digs into people; he wants to know what makes them tick and that determines if he can one, trust them and two, follow their orders. once he decides that, he's the ultimate soldier; he bleeds loyalty which makes him vicious when that loyalty is taken for granted
he isn't naive or bubbly or insecure; he's an incredibly smart and aware soldier. he's aggressive and bloodthirsty and loyal and intuitive and i love him so much
#i cant believe i never posted the soap meta that got me twitter famous™️💅#as with damn near every piece of characterisation in this franchise soaps is only apparent in subtext and connecting tiny little dots#it is very easy to just pick up his surface personality and think thats all he is#but soaps not a sunshine character#hes not super friendly or bright#hes just willing to talk to people and hes paired up with ghost who never wants to start a conversation#every time i see soap presented as this bubbly airhead thats super sweet and just blows stuff up i lose a year off my life#and i dont blame people for getting this vibe from him but im begging you to look a lil deeper#this isnt getting into his anger or the fact that he is a soldier which automatically makes him a wee bit fucked up#like he is hyperviolent and takes joy in it#we all know ghosts snuff film joke but soaps the one who responds positively to it#he returns the joke and only calls him out on it when he says he wont watch it more than once and even then its teasing not grossed out#and if we take the ‘he tried to join the military at 16’ factoid from 09 as current canon then he very easily could have a rough home life#no one tries to repeatedly join the military early without having some kind of problems#soap knows his worth and his abilities you dont get to be as good and specialised as he is without being completely sure of yourself#we know ghost has an ego but soap constantly butts up against it with his own affirmations#‘you wanna be better than me johnny’ ‘maybe i already am/i will be’ ‘a little helps not so bad eh lt’#being a sniper makes me hate the ‘cant sit still’ hc hes literally an sas sniper he wouldnt be complaining after a few hours of overwatch#i like the adhd hc and maybe he fidgets in his day to day life but the second hes at work hes At Work#tldr soap could be just as complex a character as ghost if cod would stop treating their campaigns as an afterthought and actually commit#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#talk meta to me#john soap mactavish#soap cod#cod mw2#soapghost#save post#call of duty modern warfare#cod meta
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And remember kids, the next time someone tells you, "George R. R. Martin wouldn't make Jon Snow the typical fantasy hero because that's cliche".....
Oh yes he would!
One viewer wants to know what character would you play (on the show)? GRRM: If I could magically clap my hands and become a different person, it would be cool to play Jon Snow who's much more of the classic hero. Everybody wants to be the classic hero! ABC Interview, 2014
GRRM: And the character I’d want to be? Well who wouldn’t want to be Jon Snow — the brooding, Byronic, romantic hero whom all the girls love. Meduza Interview, 2017
In fact he already has ☺️
#asoiaf#jon snow#yes grrm has criticized neo-tolkein fantasy - a lot!#but like....dpmo#I need so many people in this godforsaken fandom to familiarize themselves with grrm's engagement with the genre#he isn't trying to say “chosen one boy protagonist bad” where tf did people get that???#he's directly trying to challenge the more unsatisfactory elements of lesser copies of tolkien's legendarium#the ones that lift lotr wholesale without actually understanding what makes tolkien's writing snap#at the same time he has admitted himself that he has borrowed from lotr albeit with his own twists#but people in this fandom need to know that ye old man LOVES sword-and-sorcery fantasy#he LOVES a good epic#he LOVES pulp fantasy and sci fi#and those inspirations are directly reflected in asoiaf#the way he's named arthuriana/lotr/MST and many pulp stories with brooding dark heroes as key inspirations#almost all of which have mcs who fall into the typical fantasy hero role#and they inspire elements that are reflected back onto jon more than anyone else in asoiaf#like seoman snowlock = jon (+bran)#frodo - who btw is the mc in lotr not aragorn!! = jon (and bran)#FUCKING KING ARTHUR IS JON SO MUCH SO THAT RLJ IS LITERALLY A 1:1 COPY OF ARTHUR'S BIRTH STORY LIKE??!!!!#anyone who's even a little bit familiar with le morte d'arthur will be like oh yeah jon is literally king arthur like 😭😭#same with anyone who's ready the once and future king - which grrm has directly identified as his fav take on arthurian lit#ntm that jon is based on some of the most prolific characters in arthuriana - percival/galahad/lancelot etc#did you know that there's an iconic sci-fi series whose main character is called Eric JOHN STARK?#well grrm has directly quoted that series and the mc as a foundational book in his life#funny that huh? 🙂#do people even know what tf they're talking about when they say stuff like this???? ajdhhjshsbvshja#grrm engages very heavily with traditional fantasy tropes but he of course provides his own spin on them#never has he said that he's trying to avoid stories with hidden princes or chosen ones as boy protagonists#like someone find me a direct quote of him saying that - but I bet you can't smh
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bruce after gotham war: why don't my children talk to me?
dick who is so done with him: it's the way you act! it's the way you act!
#dc comics#dc universe#dcu#batman#bruce wayne#bruce thomas wayne#nightwing#dick grayson#richard grayson#richard john grayson#dick even does the hand gestures to get his point across#bruce thinks it's very annoying but too bad for him because dick will continue to be annoying him until the end of time#sometimes you just gotta fight your dad who is a paranoid furry#the batkids (especially jason) are cheering dick on#dick grayson has eldest daughter syndrome#dick is carrying this entire family on his back#dick grayson needs a break#dick grayson is so done#dick grayson needs a vacation#you know you've fucked up when you've got dick grayson calling you out for your bs#when it comes to calling bruce out on his bs dick grayson is never wrong
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actually so evil how much of hal's internal world gets obliterated with the rewriting of his relationships with jessica and martin.
#hal jordan#empyrean posting#ok going in the tags because im not actually v confident in my understanding of his character. i read all of his 80s/90s stuff but forgot#90% of it but ANYWAY.#so much of him just does not make sense with how geoff johns characterises him and his relationships with his parents particularly the#parallax stuff simply because of how much his relationship with the guardians and their apathy/'betrayal' is influenced by hal's original#relationship with his dad. like at its heart it's pretty much the same dynamic in how hal blindly trusts and sort of idolises the guardians#despite their repeated infractions in hope of... something in return just as he had with his father and the abuse he suffered at martin's#hands. that's what makes his anger at the guardians make sense when it does show itself because the relationship parallel didn't stop there.#as with martin hal gets nothing for his devotion. he gets nothing for doing everything that's asked of him and more and it ends the same way#too: with a man in the sky burning like a newborn star. and you lose so much of that nuance and intrigue behind that if you just make#jessica the 'bad one' because!!! you cheapen it!!!!#the whole idea of hal is that he has his father's face but his mother's scars#(to me). in the sense that they both reacted to martin the same way with that cognisance of who he was as a man yet inability to pull away#because... love. both the love they had for him and the conviction that he did or could love them too. and jessica arguably did eventually#but also she didnt did she? because she held onto that notion of love till the very end. the few scraps she had she ballooned outwards until#they became the whole. but hal didnt have even that and he spent his whole life chasing it & running away from wanting it at the same time#like i think there's something so interesting to the fact that he had to be convinced that flying was what he wanted to do. how much of that#was touched by his father? the fear that he was already too much like him than he could bear to be? he already had his face now he had his#dreams and longing for the sky. how much more could he have before he began repeating the cycle?#and at the end he even had his father's death. burning in the clouds. like there's so much there and that's not even touching on how it#impacts his relationships with other heroes. not just in the sense of why did kyle clark and diana get to keep their close yet complex#relationships with their moms when hal had to lose his (although yeah why did they) but also just how he lets himself come across to them.#because it's on purpose right? that he lets them think his reflection of his father is born out of unadulterated love for a man worthy of it#? he has his father's job he wears his father's jacket he smiles his father's smile. what else are they supposed to think.#and isnt that interesting!!! that this man who is so committed to being good & just can lie so casually to people he thinks of as friends!!!#can you see how that might be his mother through and through!!! in how she might have glossed over the abuse to other people and herself!!!#can you see how in spite of it all he might want to be perceived as his father that paragon of masculinity and resent that he is not!!!#do you understand how everything he loves has been poisoned!!! im thinking of that scene where he tells bruce about watching martin die &#wouldnt it have been so much more interesting through this lens. how he is both revealing & obfuscating at once. i hate the change sm
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The reason why Isaac and jeannemary really did have to die is that if they were still involved I think it would have shamed everyone enough not to even do half of all that
#tlt#locked tomb#jeannemary chatur#isaac tettares#the locked tomb#mercy voice: children as fists! infants as gestures! YUCK! PFAUGH!!!!!!#it’s bad enough that harrow is only fourteen but that’s only bc none of the lyctors or John have interacted with a child in millennia fr#and I think despite having what. three years on them harrow does have a maturity the fourth never developed given how quickly#the fourth were nerfed#and how quickly harrow specifically had to grow up#‘grow up’#not in the sense that harrow is mature exactly but that she is pretty much the sole agent of her life and has been for a very long time
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actually stunned by how gay The Beatles has been all this time and I just never knew
#like its always just been there in my life but i just never paid attention#my university roomie was obsessed w them and had several beatles posters that i looked at every day#so stuff like the pictures of them from the let it be album are like engrained into my brain#and yet i never knew the lore??#nor did i know until recently that they were actually all high school buds nor did i know they wrote their own music#nor that they genuinely basically invented modern bands n using the studio the way they did etc. so all that was very impressive and cool#but THEN on top of that omg the angsty gayness of john and paul#like all i knew previously basically was that john was a thing w yoko ono and paul had a young wife recently#i had at one point heard of people shipping j&p together and was just kinda like wow i guess people will ship anything#I DIDNT KNOW#that they were actually like that cute and that insane together and that their song writing together was like an actual marriage#anywayz the old pictures and videos of them are just like jesus look how they look at each other i dont think it was just being bros#i am sort of in the camp of they prob didn't act on it for real but there was def some insane tension/chemistry going on#and then ofc once youre aware of this their songs take on so many possible meanings outside of just singing about their gfs and wives....#anyways i just have to vent about this somewhere bc im actually shocked at how this has just passed me by all these years#and it definitely was not on my bingo card for 2024 to fixate on the beatles but here we are lol#more proof to me that my ultimate fave trope or wtv is 'besties to enemies when really they actually probably wanted to be lovers'#gets me every time!!!!#whats been fun about this rabbit hole is how just every single one of my expectations has been reversed as well#i went in assuming i would like them best in this order:#(1) george (2) ringo (3) paul and (4) john#i was sure i would hate john i thought he sounded so pretentious and like such a douche#but no actually he is my fave one and it's literally in reverse order for me i find george my least fave#(i like his music and feel bad for how he got ignored in the band but i like him the least)#and then i literally am john paul ringo george in order of faves now#i just love when i get surprised like that idk it keeps me on my toes and keeps things exciting and fresh#and yes john is indeed pretentious and a douche but i didn't know he was also funny and vulnerable and that i like his voice and songs#the most in the bunch almost every time as well#the beatles#p
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Murder Obsession (Follia omicida, 1981)
"Why are you interested in the occult?"
"The only way to discover life's secret is through magic."
"I don't understand."
"Death. That exact moment when the body and soul separate, that which in theosophy is known as the astral body. We would have to capture that exact moment to analyse it, but to do this we would have to kill with our own hands, so that not even a wisp of life escapes us. Don't you agree?"
"And would you kill someone for this?"
"I think so."
#murder obsession#italian cinema#horror imagery#follia omicida#murder syndrome#1981#riccardo freda#antonio cesare corti#simon mizrahi#stefano patrizi#martine brochard#henri garcin#anita strindberg#laura gemser#john richardson#silvia dionisio#fabrizio moroni#franco mannino#carlo maria cordio#curious french italian coproduction. considering the era and the title i was expecting a grotty slasher of some kind but (whilst it#certainly has some elements of the stronger 80s sex and violence) director Freda seems more interested in stirring in dual elements#of giallo and gothic cinema. makes for a slightly fractured film; trippy dream sequences and a weirdly old fashioned score sit oddly with#the splatter and the grime. ends oddly�� too‚ with a brush of occult oddness that feels like a strange left turn after the film has been at#pains to rationalise everything that came before it; in this it feels very much like Bennati's equally tonally mismatched The Killer#Reserved Nine Seats from the previous decade. this does feel a little out of time: a decade earlier and it would make sense but by 81#Italian cinema had mostly put away the toys being played with here‚ and whilst it's brushed with 80s appropriate nastiness it still feels#just a little old fashioned in shape and form. not bad tho: of interest to those sick freaks who will watch just about any italian horror#movie. it's me‚ im the sick freaks. strong cast too‚ tho apparently they all had a horrible time making it (Gemser in particular)#(her and Brochard actually; both were put in dangerous situations for some of the violent scenes)
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Let slaves in mind be servile to their fears;
Our heart is high instarred in brighter spheres.
Fernando, IV.ii of Love's Sacrifice (1633) by John Ford
#i almost didn't read this play#john ford#poetry#caroline drama#english literature#there are 5 ford plays in this collection i borrowed from the library#and it's a loan from another library in the state which means it can't be renewed#i had read tis pity in a book i donated to savers and then decided i wanted to read perkin warbeck by ford#and maybe some others since tis pity was just so good#the broken heart was intriguing from a quote by charles lamb in the intro#and the lover's melancholy interested me since it was a tragicomedy#so those three plays (broken heart/warbeck/melancholy) i knew i had to read#and i had half a mind like yeah if i don't have much time before the due date i might return it wo reading sacrifice#(and i also read a few other things in between ford plays to just get a breather)#love's sacrifice might be his second best after tis pity#the broken heart was really good too. warbeck was a little strange but not bad. melancholy was... i had notes#but i still really enjoyed all 3#lover's melancholy and perkin warbeck suffer in comparison with the expectations i had from shakespeare's tragicomedies and history plays#they're still very worthwhile but ford is at his best in the tragic form#i really like how he writes female characters. he also has a flair for macabre set pieces and spectacle#i would love to direct any of these plays someday#i think all the time about how id direct like a bbc television shakespeare series but for other lesserknown playwrights#i would give so much to be able to bring ford's work to a general audience today#he has so much to say and is so entertaining
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tw: abuse discussion, intimate partner violence, grooming discussion, power and control. Trying to be vague here and not fly too close to the muse Sun
Re: red tv and the manuscript discourse, I wonder if people realize that it is actually possible to have abusive/toxic/harmful relationships with people your own age, too? Like even if Taylor and jg were 2 years apart, harm still could’ve occurred….? Like it was obviously not grooming bc that is a very specific set of experiences usually involving a child and a person in a position of trust/power like a parent or teacher or coach etc (I know this bc I lived it!!!). But like… that is not the only kind of harm that can happen to young people???? Her youth/naivety was definitely a factor in how fucked up the situation was but it was not the only element. Power dynamics do not begin and end at age. Adults can fuck each other up, too…
#This is not a vague post I promise#I’m just in awe of some anons other blogs get about this#And I think what lots of people are calling “grooming” is actually what we call “love bombing”#training someone to ignore harmful behaviors by showering them with affection/praise/apologies after tension building and explosion phases#You wear your best apology type vibes#The last time#and that behavior often occurs without the love-bomber realizing they’re doing it#People who cause harm rarely set out to do it with evil in their hearts#But it can still be abusive#And that gets murky when the only perspective we take on harm is from the carceral system#Like oh but he didn’t mean it and he loved her and he didn’t force her so it obviously wasn’t abuse (not necessarily jg here! Generally)#but like the truth is that people do have real love for those they hurt. And they often do genuinely feel guilty and apologetic!#Doesn’t make it okay or excusable! And people should feel safe/empowered to leave but that can be Uh.. challenging#But yeah it is extremely clear to me what happened with jg and it is at best toxic as fuck and at worst… coercion and manipulation#Taylor has every right to be traumatized by that situation like it was Very Bad and lasted So Long and deeply influenced her self-image#“He said that because she was so wise beyond her years everything had been above board… she wasn’t sure” is all I need to know tbh#He knew exactly the ways that midnight rain and dear john had changed her and he used all of that to play The Good Guy#And used that to convince her to sleep with him repeatedly (off and on at his whim for years)#Like!!! Not good!!!#C#relationships#abuse#ipv#gbv#trauma#would’ve could’ve should’ve hours#The manuscript#all too well#dear john#jg
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real talk if anyone on here ever wants to like... buy me a DVD i will totally draw a real quick bust or whatever in exchange, i have a target wishlist registry thing and everything 😂
Like it says in the note thing on the page, DVD or DVD/Blu-Ray are both fine, regular (not 4k) Blu-Ray is probably fine since my PS4 should be able to play those, but I only have a regular-ass PS4, not a PS5, I cannot play UHD, so if something is 4K UHD please make sure it has either a DVD or a regular Blu-Ray as well...
Anyway it should be set up so you can buy stuff off my registry without me having to blast my address to the world (lol) so if you do this, send me an ask or something off anon (so I can like, contact you) (that or like, send me a message on discord if we're friends, or w/e) and I will def draw you a little drawing as thanks 👍
#nadia rambles#ftr i haven't seen the barbie movie so i don't know if it's actually good. i wanted to see it but had no money at the time.#same for blue beetle but the review i read seemed generally favorable in that it's supposedly like... heartfelt? and not all meme#i do really like the weird tech-organic suit design.#and honestly my tolerance for bad movies is higher than it seems at times— i just dislike the mcu specifically#i generally like a bad movie that has a vision — aesthetic drive etc. — over sanitized and visually bland shit#like at least interesting choreo? even the best choreographed mcu movies i've found to be both slow AND hard to follow#and the lighting and color grading i keep seeing is just fucking awful. like. jesus christ. that's conk creet baby that's CEMENT#i did actually enjoy ant-man and the wasp but i found the romance boring and while i like ghost's whole vibe#the reason her design is good is because it's like... literally a destiny 2 hunter outfit LMAO#i prefer clayton crain's comic art significantly but like. that's. maybe not a practical movie costume.#but fuck would i like to see someone try *that*#anyway all of these others i have seen and 100% want to own physical media for (though i may add some i haven't seen later)#obv furiosa isn't out on physical media yet so that's not on there lol#also haven't added madame web yet but eyeing that steelbook tbqh just wanna make sure it includes regular blu-ray first#idk if anyone will even see this let alone send anything but i figure why not#at the very least i can share with family for holiday gift requests....#i don't understand why like the batman and atsv and john wick all have dvd/blu-ray options#but barbie and madame web and prey don't have that option#it's either blu-ray or dvd or 4k or 4k/blu-ray but not blu-ray dvd :/#which honestly is my preferred vessel cause that way i can have access to either if i need it#i put in blu-ray for barbie and prey and prob will for madame web but really wish it was blu-ray/dvd 😔
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update i saw the mario movie !! it was cute actually
#<< this coming from the guy who has self proclaimed john egbert esque taste in movies. meaning i genuinely enjoy garbage movies#chris pratt mario was unfortunate but not awful enough to ruin the entire experience. jack black boswer slapped tho#luigi was the best part of the movie and he did not get enough screentime >:|#i got a king boo cameo so im happy tbh. AND THE BLOOPERS. i want to hug the blooper so bad. it looked so squishy#there was a very brief underwater scene and predictably from me i wish we got to see more of it bc it was GORGEOUS#wish they wouldve leaned on mario music more than like. 80s pop rock during certain times tho.#bc thetes sooooo many good songs from the games themselves#underutilized. but when they hit they hit GOOD#idk! kinda mid. but it was fun :]#i liked it better than sonic 1 but did NOT like it better than sonic 2#my nintendo game movie scale now goes#1. detective pikachu 2. sonic 2 3. mario 4. sonic 1#i dont think anything will beat detective pikachu tbh. unless sonic 3 gets shadow perfectly which im soooooo so so hoping they will#anyway. hi#reaction time
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#the rings of power#john d. payne#patrick mckay#galadriel#sauron#every time they they talk about Sauron and Galadriel it's a disaster#i really don't get who they are trying to convince this mess makes sense#the fangirls will fangirl whatever you throw at them as long they get to fantasize about a good heroine being corrupted by a dark lord#but the tolkien fans who gather on the unique subreddit that doesn't trash the show will start to look down on the show with such takes#it's not even the showrunners' idea#i'm 100% sure that this absurd and insane move comes from gennifer hutchinson the writer of adrift and alloyed#based on her interviews i really wonder if she has read one line written by tolkien#she looks like someone who only worked based on the summaries of the story made for her by the real experts#and this crazy pic she posted of the two funko pops of galadriel and sauron!#the level of embarrassment!#what is she? a 5year old playing with her barbie and dark ken dolls?#i love this show with all my heart but someone please should fire her and fire payne and mckay with her#and i'm saying that as someone who was very supportive of her presence in the writing team at first#i was impressed and used extensively her achievements on breaking bad/better call saul and emmy's nominations to defend the writing quality
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hm. Worry Time(tm)
#vent AND a ramble holy shit#bc what if im not attached to leo by the time the game starts yknow?#he's just a Concept i need Time to work and psychoanalyze him#and even then??#like what if i develop him and he falls Flat or becomes so so different Oh No#god bc John was made over the course of a few months#with an Event in my life being the trigger for how he is now#John already has the Idolization/Hiding Bad Things projection#and ive yet to play Apollo so Leo could in fact have the Desperate Stress kinda thing#hmm#so that could be part of the Base for him since he also has the Depersonalization#stress of being a vampire (a corpse) and seeing a lot of visions can do that do a mna#like have yall seen the bandersnath movie on netflix#its very good but i was in a not-very-good mental state when i watched it#so i dissociated like crazy after it was over#anyway tldr im losing track of this#tldr i need time to develop leo and psychoanalyze him#bc i really want him to feel Alive#because if he feels Alive then i can truly enjoy this game and be invested in it#he's got to be Alive i want to enjoy this game its only fair really#since god (/j) is creating this world for us yknow#its only fair#but it takes me a while to figure out my boys#i need to figure out why leo's nose is broken and why he was a ghoul#and why he has bandages on his wrists and why he felt he had to leave his sister#and why he Did That (but tbh maybe he's got some abandoment issues bc of Jeremiah)#GOD OKAY So Leo has the Dissociation the Desperation and man hold on he's got a lot here#the Mixed Emotions and ALSO some of the Religious Issues#and if i add enough layers of fiction to everyhting it'll be fine#Look at John! he's doing great!
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what if I thought about this for the rest of my life and never recovered
hello oh my gosh im truly obsessed with your malevolent art and comics they bring me immense joy when i see them on my dash.
really loving the development of arthur lester and his 3 boyfriends. specially when it comes to oscar and how his dynamic is shifting to a better role with john.
also i really got a kick out of you saying oscar’s favorite hobby was sitting on men in your last post with oscar and john and was very curious if noel has gotten to experience the same joys as arthur and john.
i hope you’re having an arthur lester lovely day. stay groovy 💛
Hehe ty I’m glad you enjoy the sillies!! also been thinking about Oscar and John too much lately like I can’t stop drawing them…… anyway Noel absolutely got to experience the wonders of having a cute clergyman straddle him <3
#in my mosnter hunter Oscar and Noel lore#they spend a year together before reuniting with Arthur and John. having previously assumed that they were both dead#they spend that time bonding over their shared Arthur related trauma ofc#but also helping each other work through their own pasts#you’re so right about Noel being a calming presence for Oscar to explore who he is outside of religion.#helping him realize he has more to offer this world than being a mouthpiece for a god#and Oscar being there to hold and comfort Noel when the ptsd gets bad. which is new for Noel bc he had to keep all that close to his chest#for a very very long time#idk I just think they should bond let them be there for each other ok
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New Scotland Yard: We Do What We Can (2.11, LWT, 1972)
"I have to be careful."
"You're big and ugly enough to look after yourself."
"Not with this little firm I'm not."
"Which firm?"
"Jimmy Sutton's. He don't believe in straighteners. Goes in for surgery."
"Surgery?"
"Amputation with a sawn-off shotgun."
"Ah. Well, you can always apply for a claim at the Criminal Injuries Board."
"I wouldn't have a leg to stand on, would I?"
#new scotland yard#we do what we can#1972#lwt#classic tv#tony hoare#john reardon#john woodvine#john carlisle#robert morris#susan glanville#stanley lebor#frank jarvis#michael balfour#peter childs#natalie kent#dennis blanch#donald maciver#a fairly unusual script; this series hasn't been particularly continuity focused‚ just handwaving a few details about our leads#homelives etc‚ but this episode features a specific call back to a previous case (Ward's failure to prove the guilt of Ray Lonnen's#gangster back in 2.5) as well as featuring a returning minor character (Balfour's seedy informant‚ a pivotal part of the plot of the#previous episode‚ here having more of a cameo sort of role to get some vital exposition across to Ward)#the plot concerns a planned wages snatch (there's a time capsule for you; nobody snatches wages anymore but then i suppose electronic#banking has put paid to it). the villains of the piece are a triumvirate of classic telly faces: future sitcom stalwart Lebor as the#vicious leader‚ Public Eye's Ron Gash himself Peter Childs as the quieter member of the gang‚ and good old Frank Jarvis (speaking in an#unnaturally gruff voice) as the wide boy. they're involving another ex con tho‚ who happens to be one that Ward helped to get a job and#turn his life around (very out of character for Ward tbh...). cue much skulking and sleuthing. it's a solid ep really but there's a brief#side plot concerning an elderly police widow fallen on hard times that sits awkwardly with the rest of the ep; it's not that it's a bad#side plot‚ exactly‚ actually it's quite affecting; it's just that it's very briefly handled‚ and stood to be further developed or given a#weightier position in the plot‚ rather than two brief scenes in the first half that are never referenced in the second
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