#jersey house

[mcmansionhell]

new jersey "19th century" "eclecticism"

It's always funny to me when new wealth tries to imitate old wealth, but in a very specific way: by trying to reproduce old ways of building that are no longer viable via mass produced building materials and contractors who are better than average but still not quite in the legion of the bespoke. It's rarely the case that houses are fully "custom" these days -- the amalgamation of all the different parts in a new formation is the "customization" at work. As we can see in this example, this is a truth that is often covered up by excessive decorating.

This 5 bedroom, 6.5 bathroom house, built in 1997 (shocker) will run you an extremely reasonable $3.5 million big ones, but I say extremely reasonable because it wants to be a $10 million house but doesn't quite get there - after all, it's made with drywall. The architectural style is not really anything in particular -- though the front entrance would like to recall the Tudors. Really it is trying to emulate an existing pastiche style, namely the eclecticism of the 19th century. It also doesn't do this well.

No stately manor is complete without dueling staircases. Also, I don't know how to explain it, but every room in this house longs to be a bathroom. Or a powder room. A really big one. It's probably the floor, and the wallpaper. This is just the appetizer for the main attraction:

Jules Verne larping is so rare in McMansion Hell that you have to commend them for trying. I'm kind of obsessed.

This room is so important to me. It's like if an Olin Mills (dating myself here) set was an entire room. A sense of watching someone in one's own house, performing "dinner." Also I would slay as the swan knight, I have to say, so I get it.

What happened to baskets hanging from the ceiling and powder blue walls and porcelain lined up on the picture rail?

I have seen columns terminating into soffits that would make Scamozzi cry.

In Big America bathing and lavishing is a spectator sport.

Ok, again, the palette of this house is basically The Polar Express mixed with a very bizarre hotel lobby.

The chimney hole is sending me because that does appear to be a working chimney. Like, can you see the smoke come out? Who knows!

Anyway, happy Thanksgiving to everyone, and I'm especially thankful to the folks who sponsor me on Patreon! If you want to see more scenes from this house, that's the place to do it!

If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including a discord server, extra posts, and livestreams.

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[semiohazard]

house manages to perfectly convey the expression of a bisexual who believes his male and female crushes just started dating each other

[batfamhastwitter]

Part 35! I love bats so much guys

Prev ~ Beginning ~ Next

[ghostcashewart]

h... housune miku. she's here to do medical malpractice.

blame @stuffydollband for this

[unteriors]

Dennisville Road, Cape May Court House, New Jersey.

[highly-illogical]

stand by your man || spirk

[stargirlshojo]

we saw you from across the bar, and we really dig your vibe

[unfrozenbread]

sketch of my beautiful wife (and the gremlins)

[quiddling]

ABHHHHHHHH HELLO MODERN RHAENICENT

save me football au

[lesbianforlottie]

everyone knows new jerseys most toxic polycule

but theyre nothing compared to new jeresys ACTUAL most toxic polycule

proof:

i havent finished house so im not going to spoil stuff for myself and make a chart for it (i already have seen a LOT of spoilers lmao) but from what i know it gets pretty messy but not as messy as this. if anyone would like to reblog this and make the same chart with house feel free!

[bloodyraremedium]

crazy to me that these are technically the same guys by proxy

[semiohazard]

there's a specific type of house cuddy and wilson scene where two of them are flirting and the third one is standing off to the side staring so hard that they're about to set on fire out of jealousy

[greghatecrimes]

an addition to the “chase and thirteen accidentally call house dad” crack series of posts: thirteen and chase decide to prank house for christmas. together they buy him a mug that says “world’s shittiest dad”. thirteen also gifts him a hat that says “women want me, fish fear me” and chase gets him one of those obnoxiously patterned vacation dad button down shirts. cuddy is horrified when house shows up to work the day after christmas wearing cargo shorts, sunglasses, sandals, the hat, and the ugliest shirt she’s ever seen, drinking coffee with a little umbrella in it from a brand new “world’s shittiest dad” mug.

(addition: there is now art of this, omg!)

[starlightseraph]

the fact that these two characters are played by the same actor will never not amaze me

the smartest and the dumbest of characters, the bitchiest and the purest

[spoilsofthedead]

All my House fanart as of now because Gregory is me

[c0rvidfagg0try]

Everything unrealistic about House MD can be explained by the fact that it takes place in New Jersey