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cosyvelvetorchid · 4 months ago

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New bucktommy oneshot just landed!

I'll Crawl Home To Him

This was supposed to be a short drabble of an alternate meeting but it quickly ran away from me, lol.

Read on ao3 or below.

Enjoy!

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Word: 12,478

Rated: E

Summary:

Buck, visiting his parents with his sister and her family, end up leaving the house in a snowstorm after his parents prove yet again that they were incapable of change.

After finding himself at a local motel to get out of the storm, he unexpectedly finds himself spending the whole evening with the owner, who by an incredible coincidence used to work at the 118.

Before the night is over Buck’s entire world has been flipped upside down. But leaving to go back home was not going to be easy

**********

Buck knew it was a stupid idea to walk out of the house when a snow storm was just beginning but he was just so mad! Mad at his parents for being typically them, mad at his sister for convincing him to go there in the first place, but most of all he was mad at himself for, yet again, for believing that they had changed.

It had taken a while and a boat load of therapy—both separately and together—after the heart wrenching revelation of Buck having had an older brother that had died and everybody had kept it quiet like a dirty secret, for Buck to trust that they truly regretted their mistakes and wanted to make things right. The thing is, Buck knew that they would never have the kind of relationship he had wished that they could have had when he was growing up—he knew that that ship had sailed. He had accepted that at best they could have the kind of relationship where they could stand to be in the same room without fighting and maybe come to a mutual respect for one another.

But just as he had started to believe that they really did mean it when they said they wanted to change and build a relationship with their son, they show their true��and old—colours.

He’d had fights with his parents before; more than he could count, but this one, despite it being no different than other fights they’d had—his parents critiquing his life choices like they had done a thousand times before—hit different this time.

Maybe because it had been a while since they’d done it. Maybe because he’d believed they’d changed. Maybe because Maddie and Chim and Jee-Yun were there too or maybe because it was winter in Pennsylvania and he fucking hated the cold!

But it did hit different. He could almost hear the snap in his heart as his mother spat her usual vitriol at the son who could never do right.

His eyes were streaming as he trudged along the sidewalk-less road—a mixture of emotion and the ice-cold wind blowing into his face. He didn’t have a destination in mind when he left the house—he just knew he needed to get out. Get away.

He had no idea how long he had been walking—he’d turned off his phone after the 15th call from Maddie he’d ignored, and he hadn’t put his watch back on after shower he’d had just before the fight with his parents. He’s was only wearing sweats, a T-shirt and hoodie when he left the house—stopping only to put on his sneakers—and the snow that was now coming down heavily had quickly soaked his clothes through.

He knew he’d walked roughly 6 miles when he rounded a bend in the road and the Mountain Laurel motel came into view. He could have honestly walked another 20 miles, fuelled entirely by the anger he felt, but he was soaking wet and the last vestige of logical thinking left in his head told him it was probably a good idea to stop.

The sign high above flashed ‘vacancies, in big neon purple letters in front of the parking lot at the front of the motel that empty save for one truck parked by the entrance. He opened the creaking door to the foyer and stepped along the old, threadbare and ugly brown carpet, feeling a pang of guilt for leaving a wet trail in his wake.

The place smelt as though someone had emptied an empire can of pine scented air freshener and it made Bucks throat dry breathing it in. He approached the high mahogany counter and palmed at the scuffed bell and waited.

“One second!” Came a deep voice from the back room. A few seconds later the door at the back opened and a tall, well built man appeared wiping his mouth with a napkin. Buck immediately noticed the man’s striking blue eyes as he looked across at him.

“Sorry, was eating dinner.” He said. “Welcome to the Mountain Laurel. You’re looking for a room?”

“Uh, yeah. Please.” Buck answered wrapping his arms around himself in a pointless attempt to stop himself from shivering.

“Hmm, that might be difficult—we’re very busy tonight.” The man answered.

“Oh. Uh..” He truly couldn’t take anymore and was on the verge of more tears. The man noticed and his expression immediately changed.

“That was a joke.” He corrected. “Sorry, I’ve always been told I have a bad sense of humour. We’re actually completely empty tonight—you’re our only guest so if you want a room you have your pick of any.” He smiled warmly and deep lines appeared around his eyes. Buck let out a sigh of relief.

“Honestly, any room is fine.” He said sighing. The man typed on the computer that looked like it was made before he Buck was born, then unhooked a key from the hooks on the wall behind him.

“Room number two it is.” He said. “Name?”

“Evan Buckley.”

“How long are you staying, Evan?”

“Uh..” Buck hadn’t thought about that. He hadn’t thought he’d be staying in a motel at all. “I..”

The man seemed to sense that Buck was struggling and offered a helping hand. “I’ll put you down for one night and if you want to extend your stay just let me know.”

“Thanks, th-that would be, uh.. yeah.”

“Good. Are you paying by cash or card?”

“Card.” He said opening his wallet. The man gave him the price and completed the transaction before handing Buck his card back and then a room key.

“Second room on the left as you go outside. You need any help with bags?”

“No, I.. I didn’t come with any.” Buck admitted.

“Oh.” The man said with surprise. “Well, if you need anything I’ll be here.” He smiled again and Buck tried to reciprocate but didn’t have the energy for anything other than a half smile.

The room was as basic as he’d expected for a cheap Pennsylvania motel. A double bed, with surprisingly white linen for this type of establishment, on one side of the room, with a cheap wooden nightstand on either side of it, each with a lamp. Opposite the bed was a mid sized dresser with a TV from the dark ages sat atop.

Usually the first thing he’d check was the state of the bathroom but he simply didn’t have the energy to do so. Instead he slumped onto the edge of bed and put his head in his hands.

A knock at the door startled him. He opened it to find the man from the reception standing there.

“Uh, hey..”

“Tommy.” The man introduced.

“Tommy, right. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I, uh, thought you could use these.” He held out a small pile of clothes. Buck looked at him with a mixture of surprise and confusion. “You’re clearly soaked to the bone and you said you didn’t have any bags with you. They’re nothing special—just some old sweats, a T-shirt and hoodie. No underwear though—that would be weird.” He chuckled.

Buck felt kind of pathetic. This guy—Tommy—pitied him. Why else would he offer his clothes to a stranger? He was a grown man for god sake and here he was contemplating accepting clothes from a stranger and all because he didn’t want to see his parents.

“If you don’t need them..” Tommy began to say and Buck almost snatched the clothes out of his hand. Regardless of how he was feeling about it, he couldn’t deny that he was soaking wet and freezing cold, and a hot shower and fresh clothes—even those belonging to a stranger—did sound nice.

“No! I mean.. thank you that’s.. that would be helpful.” Tommy handed them over. “Thanks, To-Tommy.”

“You’re welcome, Evan. And if want a beer or something to eat I’ll be in the entertainment centre.”

Buck raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You have an entertainment centre?”

“We have uncomfortable chairs, a flat screen and beer fridge if that counts?”

Buck couldn’t help let out a huffed laugh. “Uh, I don’t know—I’m pretty exhausted.” He told Tommy honestly.

“Fair enough. Well, if you change your mind.” Tommy shot him a finger gun and began to turn away.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, Evan.”

Buck considered correcting Tommy and telling him he’d rather go by Buck, but he really didn’t care all that much. He’d spent the last 3 days continuously correcting his parents which didn’t make a damn difference—“We chose your name so we have the right to use it.”—his mother had said, and quite frankly he was tired of correcting.

He finally decided to inspect the bathroom and was impressed to find it was actually clean—no soap scum on the mirror or around the sink, no mildew in the bathtub or white calcium build up on the shower. And the toilet actually looked like it had been cleaned!

He turned on the shower above the bath tub, removed his wet clothes and got in under the hot water, hoping the heat would wash away his feelings.

He wasn’t that lucky.

He inspected himself in the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. He almost laughed at how ridiculous he looked in Tommys clothes. The shirt and hoodie were fine, if a little bigger on him than he would usually prefer. But the sweatpants were loose on the ass, tight on the thighs and short on the leg.

They smelled really good he had noticed—a warm, spiced scent. He toyed with the idea of asking Tommy what detergent he used but that would probably be weird, right? Although no weirder than giving a stranger your clothes he supposed.

He looked at his still turned off phone and contemplated turning it on to call Bobby as he would tell him it would be okay. But, quite frankly, he didn’t want that. At least not yet. He was righteously angry and didn’t need anybody telling him it’ll all be okay.

Instead, he turned it not, ignored all the messages that came in, shot a quick text to Maddie telling her he was okay and needed space, then shut it off again and left his room.

He walked into the ‘Entertainment centre’, which Tommy wasn’t kidding when he described it—a few tables with chairs, a flat screen tv on the back wall and a small counter which presumably had a beer fridge behind it. The door opened behind him and Tommy walked into the room.

“Evan. You changed your mind.” He said with a surprise. His eyes looked down Bucks body wearing his clothes and he raised an eyebrow when he saw the flash of ankle sticking out of the bottom of the sweatpants. Buck felt himself blush.

“Long legs.” He answered to an unasked question.

“I can see.” Tommy replied; the corner his mouth rising. “Can I get you a beer?”

“Uh, Yeah.” Tommy removed two bottles from the fridge behind the counter, opened them both and handed one to Buck. “Thanks.” Tommy leant on the counter as Buck stood looking at his surroundings. “So how long have you worked here?” Tommy laughed into his beer bottle. “What?”

“I own the place, kid.”

“Oh.”

“That surprise you?” He asked.

“Kinda, yeah.”

“Why?” Tommy asked.

“You look like you.. I dunno.. like-like you’d do something more physical for a living.” He replied looking at Tommy’s arms. The plaid shirt he was wearing over a Henley wasn’t exactly hiding his large biceps. He wondered if they were bigger than his.

“You’re not exactly wrong—I’m actually a firefighter.“

“No way? I’m a firefighter too.” Buck excitedly said.

“Yeah? Here in Hershey?”

“Uh, no, thank god. L.A. The 118.”

Tommys mouth slackened and he stared at Buck in disbelief. “Nash still Captain?”

Now it was Bucks turn to be in a state of disbelief. “You know Bobby?”

Tommy chuckled. “He was my captain.” Buck put his beer down on the counter a little too hard and foam rushed out of the top of the bottle.

“Shit! Sorry!” He tried bent forward to catch some of it in his mouth and Tommy just looked at him wide-eyed before swallowing and grabbing some paper towels from under the counter.

“Don’t worry, I got it.” He lifted up the bottle and wiped the counter down.

“I can’t believe Bobby was your captain. When did you leave the 118?”

“I transferred out about 6 years ago—went to harbor.”

“Holy shit you’re Tommy!” Buck exclaimed after doing the math in his head.

“Usually.” He quipped.

“You helped us with that fire at Doheny Park.”

Tommy nodded remembering Howie’s call. “Well, it wasn’t just me, but yeah. How is Howie by the way? We haven’t spoken in a while.”

Buck couldn’t help but laugh. “He’s good. He’s, uh, actually engaged to my sister, Maddie. Got a kid, too.”

“Wow! Good for him.”

“Yeah. He’s here, actually, with Maddie and my niece.” Buck told him. Tommy’s face changed to confusion.

“So why are you here and not with them?”

It was a valid question but Buck wasn’t really sure if he wanted to answer it. Truth be told he actually wanted to scream it all out; get all of the frustration and anger and resentment out of his system, but Tommy had already done enough for him by lending him his clothes—the last thing he needed was to hear about Bucks pathetic family problems.

“They’re, uh.. they’re with my parents.” He simply answered.

“And I’m guessing you don’t want to be?” Tommy gathered.

“Nope.” Buck said simply. Tommy correctly ascertained that he didn’t want to talk about it and changed the subject.

“So, what’s the 118 like these days?” He asked instead and Bucks face opened into a smile.

“It’s good. We’re a family. I couldn’t imagine being stationed anywhere else.”

“That’s good. I remember Captain Nash introducing family dinners.” Tommy said fondly remembering them.

Buck nodded as he sipped his beer. “He still does them. Actually, he’s been teaching me since I joined and recently he’s started letting me cook for everyone.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not as good as him, but the team seems to like it. So, was Bobby always your captain?”

Tommys shifted uncomfortably in his stance and sighed. “No. For most of the time I was there we had Gerrard at the helm.”

“Chim and Hen have talked about him. Bad guy, right?”

“That’s putting it mildly—he was a bigot. And I.. he did not make me a better person.”

Buck wanted to ask what he meant but wasn’t sure if he could. Tommy, however, surprised him.

“I wasn’t the kindest to Hen and Howie when they first joined the 118.” He admitted. “I never agreed with the things that Gerrard would say or how he treated them, but I was way deep in the closet back then and terrified of being found out and Gerard making me a target. That’s not an excuse, by the way—I was wrong in how I handle it; handled him, but like I said—he did not make me a better person.” He took a sip from his bottle then continued picking at the sticker on it.

Buck wasn’t sure how to respond to Tommy’s candour. He obviously felt bad—his body language and facial expressions gave that away as he was speaking.

“I mean, if it makes you feel better whenever Chim and Hen talk about you it’s always positive.”

“Hmm.” Tommy responded, neither negative nor positive.

“Were you, uh.. out at the 118? I mean when Bobby took over?”

Tommy shook his head. “No. I knew everyone else would probably be fine with it, but I wasn’t. It wasn’t until I moved to Harbor that I stopped lying about who I was.” Tommy walked out from the counter and gestured towards one of the tables and they both sat down.

“Is that why you transferred?”

“No, I missed flying. Used to do it in the army.”

“God you’re so fucking cool!” Buck exclaimed without thinking and immediately felt his face flush with embarrassment. He could have sworn, though, that he saw a subtle blush to Tommy’s cheeks too.

“You need to raise your bar, kid.”

“Come on—you’re a firefighter and a pilot!” Buck argued. Tommy held his eyes to him for a moment and smiled.

Buck felt a warmth run through him as he looked at Tommy. He wondered what it would have been like if he’d have joined the 118 and Tommy was still there. Not to mention It was one hell of a coincidence that the man who left the 118 and creating the space for him to join, happened to be running a hotel a few miles away from his parent’s house.

“It’s crazy isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“You and me, here. I-I mean you leave the 118 so that I can join. 6 years later you’re running a motel in my home town.”

“It definitely is strange.” Tommy said.

“How come you’re here?”

“This placed used to belong to my dad.”

“Did he hand it down to you?”

Tommy almost choked on his beer. “God no! He be turning in his grave if he knew I owned the place.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise he’d passed away.”

Tommy waved him away “Don’t be—he was a bastard. He was the reason I knew how to handle Gerrard. He actually left the place to my uncle in his will, but then he died a few months ago and it was passed on to me. I’m only keeping it open until I can find a buyer, then I’m going back to L.A.”

“Back to Harbor?”

“That’s the plan.” He finished the last of his beer. “You want another?”

“Sure.” Buck said finishing off the last of his. Tommy got them both a fresh bottle and sat back down.

“Thanks.”

Tommy looked at Buck with narrowed eyes for a moment before a wave of realisation came over him. “I just realised who you are.”

“The hottest firefighter in L.A?” Buck joked.

“That too.” Tommy said with a smirk and Buck found himself blushing again. Tommy noticed but said nothing of it.

“You’re the guy that got crushed by the engine.”

Bucks smile slowly fell. “Uh, yeah. That-that was me.” He looked down at his beer bottle.

“I’m sorry, Evan. We don’t have to talk about it.” Tommy said softly.

“No it’s.. it’s fine. It was just a hard time, you know?”

“I can imagine.”

“I thought my career was over. I got through all the surgeries and rehab, and just when I passed my recertification I threw a blood clot in my lung. Puked up blood all over Bobby and Athena’s patio.”

“Jesus, Evan.”

“Yeah. Then I was on blood thinners for a while and Bobby wouldn’t let me back on the team out of fear something would happen to me.”

“That makes sense.”

“I know that now, but back then? Man, I was so angry. And desperate. The 118 was, is, my life. It’s the only thing I’ve ever done that meant something and the idea of losing it?” He swallowed away the emotion rising in his throat. It was years since it happened but the memory of the fear and trauma of what he went through were a still a part of him. Likely would be forever.

“I’m ashamed to admit but I actually tried to sue the department. And Bobby.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep. Like I said I was just so angry. I couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t let me back in. Yeah I was on blood thinners but I was on them and survived a god damn tsunami. Saved some lives too.”

“You were in the tsunami?” Tommy asked.

“I was on the pier with my best friend’s kid when it hit.”

“Sounds like you need to be wrapped in bubble wrap.”

“I think that was Bobby’s thought, too. Anyway, eventually I came to my senses and dropped the lawsuit. And-and Bobby realised that he needed to trust that I was ready and let me back in.”

“What about the blood thinners? You still take them?”

“No.” He said “turns out it was the bolts on my leg causing them. Once they removed them I was back to normal.” He smiled.

“Here’s to that.” Tommy lifted up his beer and Buck clinked his bottle into Tommy’s. “Any other life threatening injuries on the job?”

“The emergency tracheotomy wasn’t on the job so that doesn’t count, but-“

“Hold up.” Tommy sat up in his seat “you had an emergency tracheotomy?”

Buck pulled down the neck of his, well, Tommy’s, T-shirt to show him the faded scar. “Yep. Worst first date ever.”

“It happened on a first date?!”

Buck couldn’t help but laugh at Tommy’s shock.

“She was the one who did it.”

“Holy shit, really?!”

“Yep. With a steak knife.” He added. Tommys eyes widened. “I feel like I should point out she was a 911 operator so not exactly a laymen. But she had someone one the phone talking her through it.”

“Jesus, Evan. Anything else?”

“I did get struck by lightning.”

Tommy choked on the sip of beer he was drinking and coughed.

“Are you okay?” Buck asked.

“Are you?!” Tommy threw back.

“Miraculously, yeah. Though technically I did die for over 3 minutes.” He said plainly.

“I think I’m might have to wrap you in bubble wrap and keep you here for safety.” Tommy said shaking us head.

“What, like your pet?” Tommys head quickly shot back to Buck. His head was tilted with a soft smirk on his face.

Buck didn’t know what he said that. Tommys pet? Really? jesus, Evan!

“You have any major injuries at work?” He quickly moving the conversation along.

“Just one.” He stood and lifted his shirt up to reveal a long scar—about 4 inches long—on the right side of his upper torso. “Factory explosion. Caught a big piece of shrapnel.”

Before Buck knew what he was doing his hand was reaching out and his fingertips were delicately tracing the scar. Tommy audibly inhaled a breath and goosebumps exploded on his skin. The sound of Tommy breathing in brought Buck back to reality.

“I’m-I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have.. that wasn’t.. sorry.” He quickly withdrew his hand and sat it in his lap. He suddenly couldn’t look Tommy in the eye. What the hell was that he just did?!

“It’s fine.” Tommy said lowering his shirt and sitting back down.

“So what happened with the tracheotomy first date? Did anything happen with them?”

“Yeah, I uh, actually lived with her for a while. Sorry of accidentally, really.”

“How do you accidentally live with someone?” Tommy asked, a curious look on his face. Buck chuckled.

“She was taking care of her mom at the time, Alzheimer’s, and after she died I wanted to better for her to help her through it. At some point I just sort never left.” He explained.

“But you broke up eventually?”

Buck sighed. “Yeah. She, uh, was having a hard time with her moms passing and decided to go travelling; have a “Eat, Pray, Love” experience, which, I didn’t know what that meant at the time—did you know it was a book? Apparently this lady wanted to find herself after getting divorced. Which I kind of get. Not-not the divorce part—the finding yourself part-” Buck stopped himself. “Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“Ramble away, I don’t mind.” Tommy told him with an easy smile. It made Buck feel at ease. Plenty of people, mostly exes, had told him they didn’t mind him rambling but he knew they were just saying it to not hurt his feelings. But there was something about how Tommy was looking at him that told him he was being genuine.

“Anyway, long story short she never came back.” He sipped his beer. “Mmm, that’s not true—she did come back about a year and half later with a fiancé in tow.”

“Ouch.” Tommy said. Buck nodded in agreement.

“But I mean I get it now—she was an older woman and she’d lived so long being the safety net for other people and she’d lost herself along the way. I think being with me reminded her of being a little more care free, but it wasn’t sustainable. Least not for her.”

“How old was she?”

“45.”

“And you were?”

“Uh, 23.”

“So you like them older?” Tommy smirked.

Buck laughed. “Uh, not really. I mean I don’t really care about age, it’s more about competency for me. I like people who are good at what they do and can confidently do it.”

“I get that.” He said. They held eye contract for a moment and Buck realised he actually felt a little better than he had when he had walked in. There was something so easy about Tommy. He never would have shared what he had with anybody else he’d just met.

“What about you? You ever had your heart broken?” Buck asked.

“Once.” Tommy answered. “Guy I served with. For obvious reasons we kept it secret, but after we got discharged I thought that we could actually have something. Turned out he just saw me as a way to pass the time while on tour. He’s married to a woman now with a couple of kids.”

“I’m sorry, that’s.. that sucks.”

“It did for a while.” He confessed.

“You ever come close since?” Buck asked.

Tommy shook his head. “Not really. I’ve dated here and there but most guys that are attracted to me because of my physique and being a firefighter.”

“Yeah, it must be so hard being so hot.” Buck teased. Tommy laughed and nudged Bucks leg with his knee under the table then turned it back on Buck.

“But you think I’m hot?” Tommy looked at Buck and pursed his lips. Buck lost all moisture in his mouth and is heart thudded against his ribcage. It wasn’t.. it’s not like he didn’t��know Tommy was.. Look, anybody with working eyes could see that he was gorgeous. He was tall, board and muscular and that cleft.. he’d be lying if he said he didn’t, kind of, sort of, maybe a little bit want to poke his pinky finger into it. Those eyes too—big and blue and surrounded by extraordinarily long eyelashes.

“You know you are.” He said back trying to sound confident. Tommy simply smirked again in response.

“Well, it would be nice to meet someone who was interested in getting to know me as a person.”

“Nah, I get it—people are impressed with the job but once they realise you’re an actual person with feelings they don’t stick around for long.” Buck commiserated with him.

“It’s why I don’t date people I meet on calls anymore.”

“Uh-huh.” Buck said into his bottle. “You know I once met an ex responding to a helicopter crash, which.. should have been the first clue.”

“Yeah it’s never works out the way you expect.” Tommy agreed.

“Learned that the third time around.” Buck laughed. “I met the last one at a living funeral—she was a death doula.”

“What the hell is a death doula?” Tommy asked.

“She helped people who were terminally ill accept that they were dying and supported them through it.” Buck explained.

“Oh, well that’s noble.”

“Yeah, I thought so. Until all she wanted to talk about was when I died from the lightning strike.” He said and Tommy scoffed.

Without warning everything went dark and silence surrounded them.

“Well that was creepy timing.”

“God damn electrics in this place!” Tommy complained with a sigh and turned on the flashlight on his phone. “I swear one tiny breeze and this whole place will fall down.”

“Can you fix it?” Buck asked.

“Ordinarily I would be able to get it going again, however.. the electrics are in a separate building out back and..” he pointed to the window behind Buck. He turned around to see the blizzard raging outside.

“Jesus! Yeah you can’t go out in that.”

Tommy pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed again. “Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do.” He took the key to his room and held it out to Buck. “You go to my room, and I’ll lock up the place and meet you there in a minute.”

Buck looked at him with a hint of surprise on his face. “Y-your room?”

“The heat in all the rooms runs on electric—my room is the only one that also has a fireplace. So unless you want to freeze to death it’s the best place to be to keep warm.”

“Ri-right. That makes sense.” Buck conceded.

“First room outside.”

“You have a flashlight?” Buck asked.

“Can’t you use the one on your phone?”

“No, it’s in my room. And turned off.” Tommy analysed Buck for a second before brushing it away. “Okay. Hold on here for a second.”

Buck heard him moving around in back room for a minute before walking back out with an open backpack in his hands. He opened the fridge behind the counter and he heard the clinking of bottles being shoved inside it.

“God that snow is really getting heavy.” Buck said looking out the light the glass door. There was at last 2 or 3 inches on the ground and there was no signs of it letting up.

“Yeah. You ready?” Tommy asked.

“Yeah.”

Tommy opened the door letting Buck out and quickly closed and locked it. They both raised their forearms to shield their faces from the snow as walked quickly to Tommys door 10 or so feet away.

“You got the key?”

“Shit. Right, yeah.” Buck took it from his pocket and unlocked the door and they entered the room with Tommy shutting and locking it behind them.

“Hold on one second..” he said putting his backpack down and unzipping it. He removed a large pillar candle and a lighter from the bag and lit it. The room was subtly illuminated in a warm glow. It wasn’t enough to really get a good look at the room, but from what Buck could see it Tommy was definitely a tidy, squared away person. The bed was made with the same white linens as his own, save for a fleeced blanket folded at the bottom of the bed. There was the same night stands and dresser that he had in his room, except a much bigger, and more modern TV.

Tommy removed a bunch more candles from the bag, lit them and dotted them around the room.

“I would have thought a firefighter would recognise a fire hazard when he saw one.” Buck teased as he watched Tommy the candles.

“I won’t tell if you won’t.” He said back with that smirk that Buck was beginning to find quite pleasant.

“You’ve put me in a really good blackmailing position, you know?” Buck replied.

“Is that so?” Tommy said with a casual smoothness to his voice that Buck didn’t know what to make of. He sounded flirtatious which—no, he wasn’t flirting, right? That—he wasn’t against being flirted with. He liked flirting and he couldn’t deny that it always felt nice. He’d had guys flirt with him before and it wasn’t as if he were ever offended by it—he had a healthy confidence in his looks and was never short of flirtatious attention when he was on the job and in his turnouts, from any gender. He appreciated it and saw it as a compliment when men flirted with him, but he was never really in to it.

But with Tommy.. Buck was sort of in awe of him—he was just so effortlessly cool. He made Buck feel like the cool kids made him feel when he was at school—wanting to do something stupid to impress him. That would explain the feeling in deep in his stomach that had been growing since they’d been hanging out—he was just impressed by the man.

“What is it you want in return for your silence? I don’t have a lot of money, but I do make a mean chilli. Maybe I can bride you with food.”

Buck couldn’t help but smile. “I don’t think even you could do that in a blackout.”

Tommy laughed. “Well, obviously not right now. I was thinking maybe in a day or 2 when the storms gone and obviously when we have power back. Unless you’re going back to L.A soon?”

He looked at Buck in a way that Buck thought might be hopeful.

“Uh.. I don’t actually know when I’m going back to L.A. We were supposed to stay for another few days but.. my parents..” He sighed.

“Not great?” Tommy asked. He took the backpack to the sofa underneath the curtained window and pulled out a beer each and sat down, handing a bottle to Buck.

“Thanks. Uh, not really. They.. I thought.. they promised me they had changed; that they wanted to change. But they’re just the same people who will always be disappointed in me.” He drank down a few gulps of beer and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“What made them disappointed?”

“This time? That I went back to work after the lightning strike. Apparently an act of God was just more proof of how dangerous my job is and that it it’s stupid to risk my life everyday. The funny thing is they lavish Chimney with praise for doing the exact same job because he’s doing it to provide for their daughter and granddaughter—I don’t have a partner or kid so I’m just being the same old reckless Evan.” He rolled his eyes.

Buck instinctively went to apologise for rambling but quickly realised it actually felt good to get it out.

“That sounds really tough.”

“You have no idea. It’s ironic—they were never around for me or Maddie growing up; never there to guide us or help us make the right choices in life, and then they have the nerve to criticise the choices we did make. I-I thought that after what happened a few years ago that things would actually change. Guess I was wrong again.”

“What happened a few years ago, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Buck sat back on the sofa and turned a little to face Tommy. “I found out I had an older brother, Daniel. He had Leukaemia. None of the family were a match for him and so..” he gestured to himself “..so they made one. Except, the cells didn’t take and, uh.. he died.”

“God, Evan I’m so sorry.” Tommy said “that must have been.. I don’t even know.”

“Yeah. After that my parents packed up and moved us away; made Maddie swear to keep Daniel a secret. She was 9 years old, Tommy. What kind of parents force a nine year old to keep that kind of secret? The only reason I found out was because my parents had brought my sister her baby box when she was pregnant with my niece—unsurprisingly they never made one for me—and I found a picture of Daniel in there. Maddie couldn’t keep the secret any more and told me about him.”

He wiped away the tear that had escaped his eye without permission. “Although it finally made me understand why my parents had been distant with me my whole life—I was the living, breathing reminder of the death of the son they actually wanted.” He sniffed and drank some more beer.

Tommy’s hand, which was rested on the back of the sofa, moved to the back of Bucks neck. It was a gentle act of comfort, one that Buck wasn’t expecting. He felt a warmth spread around his body at the touch. He looked at Tommy who was looking back at him with a sad expression. His eyes really were quite beautiful.

Buck looked back down at his beer bottle as Tommy returned his hand to the back of the sofa.

“Seems shitty parents are another thing we have in common, kid.” Tommy said.

“What were yours like?”

“You know how people say that someone might be the father they never had? Well Gerrard was like the father I already had. Actually, Gerrard was a walk in the park compared to Pops.”

“Yeah?

Tommy nodded. “Thomas Kinard Senior had a very.. traditional idea of what it meant to be a man. One that he wasn’t afraid to beat into me. And that was before he found it I was gay. I think he truly thought it could beat the homosexuality out of me.” He laughed but it didn’t meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Tommy. God now I feel bad for complaining about my parents knowing you were beaten.”

Tommys hand went straight back to Bucks neck and he turned his body towards him more. “No, Evan—you have every right to feel how you feel about your parents. Your parents hurt you and that’s valid.”

Buck nodded, deciding not to argue. “What about your mom?”

“Mom was.. troubled. Part of me doesn’t blame her for staying with him—he beat her more than he beat me, but.. a part of me will always wonder how she could watch her husband beat her son and not step in, you know?”

“My sister was in an abusive marriage. She told me once that when you’re in it that you can’t believe that it’s happening. Maybe that’s why your mom stayed?” Buck offered. He wanted to offer more to comfort Tommy but he didn’t know what else to give him.

“I mean that makes sense. I’ll never know through.” He said and Buck looked at him confused. “She died about a year after my dad.”

Without thinking about it Buck reached out and put his hand on Tommy’s that was holding his beer. A fleeting look of surprise came over Tommy’s face before it softened and he placed his other hand over the top of Bucks.

“I don’t even know what to say other than I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to say anything, but I appreciate it, Evan.”

He’d barely known Tommy a couple of hours yet his heart hurt for him. He couldn’t help imagine him as a young kid on the receiving end of bruises instead of love.

He felt Tommys thumb brush along his hand and suddenly he became viscerally aware of his own pulse. Did it always throb this hard in his ears? Was it always this fast? And his lungs—why was he having to concentrate on breathing? Surely that’s supposed to be an automatic bodily function.

A strong gust of wind rattled the old windows surprising them both. They separated their hands and Buck felt a surprising pang of disappointment.

“Th-that the bathroom?” He pointed to the door on the other side of the bed.

“Uh, Yeah.”

Buck put his bottle down on the small coffee table in front of them and picked up one the candles to light his way. He locked the door behind him and leant against door.

This couldn’t be happening. Well, it could—it was a totally normal thing, but it had never happened to Buck before. Sure he’d checked out a hot guys ass here or there but this? Tommy? This felt like the beginnings of an actual crush and not just admiring someone’s attractive features. The ease with which he could talk about some of the worst things that he’d been through with him, the comfort he’d felt with Tommys hand in his skin, and the feeling of something being missing when Tommys hand left his were not things he’d expected.

After peeing and washing his hands he leant against the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. He’d half expected to see a change to his own reflection and was somehow both disappointed and relieved to see the same old face staring back at him.

He took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door to see Tommy lighting the fire, and the sound of soft music playing from Tommys phone on the coffee table.

“That Sinatra?” He asked.

“Yeah. I felt like putting on some music and he’s the only artist I have on my phone, currently.”

“You do know you can download more?” Buck said with soft sarcasm.

“Yes, Einstein. I just.. haven’t yet.” Tommy said back.

“Why Sinatra? You don’t strike me as a fan”

“No? What do I strike you as a fan of?”

“Dad rock.” Buck replied and that caused Tommy to bark out a laugh.

“Hey, there is nothing wrong with a little soft rock, thank you. But Sinatra reminds me of my aunt. When I was a kid she used to take me to this little community hall with her friends where they would dance. Fell a little in love with Sinatra, Dean Martin and that kinda stuff.”

Buck actually found that unbelievably endearing. “So you’re a dancer, huh?”

“I’m not an expert by any means but I know my way around a ballroom.”

“That’s more than I can do. Last time I danced—not including jumping around like an idiot in a club—was senior prom. And that only involved swaying.”

“I could teach you.” Tommy offered.

“Yeah? Would that be before or after your famous Chilli?” Buck asked.

“No time like the present.” Tommy suggested to Bucks surprise.

“Really?”

“We’re in a blackout with nothing else to do so why not?”

“O-okay.” He agreed. And suddenly he could feel his pulse again. Tommy came over and stood in front of him.

“At the risk of sounding disgustingly heteronormative, you’re going to be the woman in this scenario, okay?” He said and Buck simply nodded.

“Okay, so you’re going to put one hand here -“ he took Bucks left hand and placed it on his waist. “-and the other I’ll hold here.” He held Bucks right hand in the air while his other went around bucks shoulder to his back. He looked down at the space in between them at their feet. “Just mirror what I’m doing with my feet.”

He began swaying gently and moving his feet in slow sequence with the rhythm of the music. Buck kept his head down watching Tommys feet trying to mirror his movements. Occasionally he would move his feet out of sync with Tommys, and each time a wave of embarrassment flushed through him.

“You’re doing good.” Tommy said and a burst of excitement exploded in his stomach at hearing the praise. Slowly Buck committed the steps to memory and looked up with pride at Tommy who was smiling softly at him.

“I gotta say you’re picking it up quicker than I did.” He confessed.

“Yeah?”

“I mean in my defence I was eight.” He said and Buck couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well you’re a good teacher. Maybe you missed your calling.”

“You think?” Tommy

“I’m sure there would be plenty of people who would pay to have you throw them around a ballroom.”

“Huh.” Tommy said. “Like this?” He moved his hand down to the small of Bucks back and quickly bent him down into a dip before bringing him back up again; their chests coming together.

“Holy shit!” Buck looked at Tommy entirely mesmerised. His stomach hadn’t got a clue what was happening. Neither did his brain. “That was.. wow.”

Tommy laughed at Bucks reaction.

“Impressive, no?” He teased.

“Uh.. ye-yeah.”

“How about this?” Without giving him time to think he lifted up the arm that had the hand holding Bucks and swung it around with just enough force behind it to spin him around before catching him perfectly in the same position as before. Bucks mouth opened in shock but no words came out.

He was utterly mesmerised.

Tommy just softly laughed. “Okay, no more surprise moves for now.” He said and continued their previous steps. Buck was moving his feet without even thinking about it. He had no idea if he was moving his feet correctly—he was far too distracted by Tommy looking at him.

“I have to say I wasn’t expecting the day to end like this when I got on a plane this morning.”

“You mean you didn’t foresee getting a dancing lesson from a-what was it you called me? Ah, yes—a hot firefighter.” Tommy’s lips slid into another smirk. Buck dipped his head bashfully and looked back up at him, shaking his head at his own embarrassment.

“You’re adorable.” Tommy said and Buck literally felt his heart skip a full beat.

“You’re loving this aren’t you?” Buck asked trying and failing to suppress an embarrassed smile.

“Little bit.” Tommy smiled back. Buck sighed and let his forehead fall onto Tommys shoulder. The hand that was on his back slid upwards and the next thing he felt was Tommys fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. He shivered and blew out a breath; failing miserably at hiding how shaky it came out. He lifted his head back up at met Tommys gaze.

His eyes were glued to Tommy’s, until they quickly darted to his lips. Buck was helpless as to stop himself from doing the same thing.

And then..

And then Tommys lips were on his.

It was so unbelievably soft and gentle; a complete contrast to his hulking physique. Neither of their lips were moving but it didn’t stop Bucks entire brain framework from short circuiting.

Tommy slowly pulled away, opening his eyes to see Buck staring at him heavy lidded and his mouth open.

“Was that okay?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Buck willed his vocal cords to answer but they couldn’t. He was just so overwhelmed with far too many feelings that any human should reasonably have to deal with in a given moment. He responded in the only way that he was capable of.

And kissed Tommy back.

The kiss was more desperate than the one Tommy had given him and he pushed his lips into Tommy’s deeply. Tommy hummed in surprise but immediately pushed back into the kiss. He held on to the side of Bucks neck; his thumb on the hinge of his jaw as his other hand held him by the waist to his own body.

Almost immediately Buck opened his mouth to allow Tommy access and the first brush of Tommys tongue against his bottom lip sent an electric current through his entire body. His hands, that were gripping on to Tommys shirt tightly, slid up to his neck, holding him tightly in place. He’d pull him closer into his mouth if he could.

His mouth was warm and wet and tasting of beer and Buck couldn’t get enough. He was frantically trying to breath through his nose, not wanting to part his lips from Tommys even for a second to breath.

It was ridiculous. Utterly, utterly ridiculous. Never in his life had he ever thought about kissing another man and yet here he was doing exactly that and it felt-

Right.

His lips slotting between Tommy’s like the missing piece of the jigsaw, that was his whole self, being slotted into place. His whole life he’d felt like there was a puzzle to complete but it came without instructions or a finished image to give him a clue as to how to complete it. He’d gone to so many places; done so many things in an attempt to figure it out.. Yet here it was—the missing piece of the puzzle and it came in the form of a beautiful man named Tommy Kinard.

Buck hadn’t particularly articulated all of this to himself—that would come later—but all he knew; all he felt was wanting. He wanted Tommy. In any way that he would allow Buck to have him.

In an act of instinct that his brain wasn’t involved in he pressed his hips forward into Tommy’s. They both moaned at the touch and Buck went from half hard to fully engorged at the feel of Tommy’s erection against his. Tommy—grabbing his ass with one hand; the other on Bucks face—deepened the kiss.

Buck could barely breathe from the overwhelm of heat flowing into every inch of his body. His nerves were on edge with thrill and anticipation as they ground their hips together.

Tommy’s lips moved along Bucks jaw, down his neck and he sucked delicately at his collarbone. Bucks head tilted to the side and he breathed loudly outwards.

“Shit…Tommy..”

Tommy hummed at the sound of Bucks exclamation and grabbed his ass harder, pushing his groin into Buck. Buck needed to taste him again and dipped his head, catching Tommy’s lips with his own. God, Tommys lips were perfect! They moved wondrously, with the perfect amount of pressure. His tongue was deft and purposeful in its movements and tasted like heaven.

He almost cried when Tommy gently pulled away. He held bucks face in his hands and rested their foreheads together.

“Evan..” he said breathy “we should st-“

“No.” Buck interrupted. He pulled his head back to look at Tommy. “I don’t want to. I.. I want you.” Tommy swallowed, looked down at Bucks lips then back up to his eyes.

“Are you sure?” He whispered.

And once again Buck answered without words. This time however, having more confidence, he took his time. He slowly ran his hand along Tommys jaw, gripping him lightly with a thumb against the hinge and pressed his lips into Tommy’s.

A shiver went through him as the palms of Tommys hands pressed against his shoulder blades, holding him tightly to his chest. Being held by someone as big as Tommy was illuminatingly wonderful. For the first time in a long time Buck felt safe.

Buck was radiating enough heat that he feared he might actually melt into a puddle. He unzipped the hoodie he was wearing and let it fall to the floor before peeling Tommys open shirt over his shoulders and dropping it to the floor too. He immediately pulled at the hem of his undershirt and Tommy raised his arms allowing Buck to remove it. Tommy pressed another kiss onto Bucks lips then pulled off his T-shirt.

Tommy went straight for Bucks neck again and goosebumps exploded all over his skin. His hands pressed against Tommy’s chest—his finger tips caressing the smattering of hair along Tommys skin. This was something overwhelmingly new and unexpectedly exciting for Buck. Lack of breasts was one thing, but the feeling of chest hair under his fingers was surprisingly turning him on.

They migrated towards the bed with Buck getting on first and pulling Tommy on top of him without even breaking the kiss. And holy shit he never knew that having the weight of someone near enough the same weight as him—perhaps a little heavier—would feel so good!

Both of their hands were all over every inch of skin they could get too. Caressing and stroking and rubbing and kissing—no inch of bare skin was left untouched.

Buck trailed wet open-mouthed kiss along Tommy’s throat; his tongue licking into every one of them. Tommy was breathing heavily into it and Buck felt awash with pride and self satisfaction. He had game when it came to women—he knew what buttons to press to turn them on, but there was something extra exhilarating about turning on this man on top of him.

And he was a man. Buck was quickly beginning to realise that what was turning him on the most was Tommy’s masculinity. His weight, his breadth, his body hair, even the stubble on his chin that was burning into Bucks skin was addicting. And his large hands gripping onto his shoulders and chest and waist and oh god his neck!

Tommys hand slowly caressed down his torso and lower stomach and when it reached his waistband Buck sucked in an anticipatory breath. Tommys fingers gripped the elastic. He lifted his head to meet Bucks eyes.

“Is it okay to take these off?” His eyes were blown and his lips kiss-swollen and Buck thought it was the hottest he’d ever seen anybody ever look.

“Y-yes.” His voice came out throaty and strained. Tommy smiled and kissed him again before lifting himself off of Buck. He moved down the bed and Buck lifted up his hips to allow Tommy to slowly pull them down and off, throwing them somewhere across the room.

His eyes roamed over the large bulge in Bucks underwear before they moved back up to Bucks eyes. For the first time since this started he felt an element of self-consciousness. Tommy seemed to sense this and made his way back up towards Bucks face and kissed him gently. Bucks self-consciousness immediately melted away.

“Do you want me to take mine off?” Tommy whispered.

“Definitely.” Buck replied with a heavy breath. Within seconds Tommy’s jeans were thrown to the floor. He laid back down on his side, pulling Buck in to face him. They kissed deeply as their legs tangled together and hands continued exploring each other.

Buck was lightheaded. His brain was having trouble reconciling the array of physical sensations and feelings he was experiencing all at once. Especially the feeling of Tommy’s underwear covered cock pushing against his own. He couldn’t help the whine that escaped his mouth as Tommy jerked his hips towards his; could feel himself leaking at the touch as they rutted against each other.

“God, Evan.” Tommy moaned into Bucks mouth and oh god that was unbelievably hot! His finger tips slid into the back of Bucks underwear, grasping at his ass and pulling him even closer. Buck grunted in response.

Tommy’s lips grazed Buck’s ear as he whispered into it.

“What do you want, baby?” And Jesus that pet name almost broke him in two.

“To-touch me.” He couldn’t hide the pleading in tone. Tommy groaned at Bucks reply, kissing him again. His hands gently held Bucks face as he lifted himself back on top of him but not putting down his whole weight. Buck bucked his hips up in search for the friction he’d become addicted to.

“I got you, baby.”

There it was again: Baby. He’d been called pet names before but fuck this felt different. The juxtaposition between Tommys sheer size and masculinity and the softness of his words was wondrous.

Tommy continued kissing Buck beautifully whilst letting his hands slowly travel down Bucks body and his hand dipped inside the fabric of his boxers.

The moment Buck felt Tommy’s warm hand gently caress his throbbing length he couldn’t hold in his response. “Fuck!” He felt Tommy smile against his lips. His thumb lightly caressed the slit collecting Bucks pre-come and Buck’s body vibrated at the feel. Tommy lifted his face up from Bucks a few inches to watch him as he slid his hand back down Bucks cock, then slowly up again; squeezing just the right amount to drive Buck almost to insanity.

Buck began panting and grasping onto any part of Tommy he could reach in a fruitless attempt to steady himself. Tommy kept eye contact with him while he worked his cock faster and Buck wasn’t sure which was turning him on more.

Eventually Buck involuntarily scrunched his eyes shut as his head threw itself back onto the pillow. “Oh.. g-god..fu-Tommy, I.. it’s.. fuck!” He was babbling; unable to form a coherent sentence. Every synapse, every vein, every inch of his skin was on fire.

“You’re doing so good, baby.” Tommy said throaty and low.

“Fuck!” His hips bucked up into Tommys hand faster, chasing the edge of the cliff he was desperate to fall over.

On the next up stroke Tommys hand left Buck and for a moment he felt an overwhelming disappointment at the lack of touch. He lifted his head up to see why Tommy had stopped only to see him setting free his own cock. Buck sharply inhaled at the sight of his flushed and swollen dick, and desperately wanted to wrap his fingers around it. Before he got the chance however Tommy took him by surprise by taking them both in his hand, moaning loudly at the first slide of his hand.

Buck was certain that his heart was mere seconds from giving out as Tommys quickly caught up to the rhythm he had going before.

“Holy shit!” Buck cried out and yanked Tommys head down to kiss him. This one was unbelievably filthy; Buck having absolutely no composure left. “Oh god..” he pulled apart trying desperately to breathe.

“Evan..” Tommy moaned and the second it hit Bucks ears he was done for.

“Shit! Shit..shit.. ah.. fuck!” Sparks behind his eyelids exploded into a kaleidoscope of colour and every muscle in his body tensed as he came harder than he had ever done. In the middle of it shooting all over his chest, he felt Tommy’s body shaking and tensing before he shoved his lips hard into Buck’s, kissing him as he realised his own load.

“Fuck, Evan!” He moaned into Bucks mouth as their collective orgasms slowly petered out. He shoved his face into the crook of Bucks neck as they both tried to catch their breath.

Eventually their breathing slowed and Tommy lifted his head back to look at him. Bucks face was a mixture of blissed out and mesmerised.

“Are you okay?” Tommy asked softly. He raised his hand and gently rearranged an errant curl that had fallen onto Bucks forehead. It was such a simple act of care but after the overwhelming feelings, both physical and emotional, it was enough to push Buck over the edge and his eyes quickly welled up with a tear escaping and running down his temple towards the pillow.

Tommys face morphed into concern. “Hey, what’s wrong? Was that too much?” He lifted himself from Buck and laid on his side, resting on his elbow, looking down at Buck.

“N-no..” Buck replied, his voice wrecked “it’s not.. I..” His breath hitched as he tried to keep more emotion at bay “that was.. new. And.. and a lot. I-I just..” He blew out a breath to try to calm himself. “It’s just a little over-overwhelming, that’s all.” Tommy continued looking at him with concern.

Bucks lifted a still shaking hand to Tommy’s face to reassure him. “I’m okay.” Tommy put his hand on top of his and Buck leaned up and placed a long and delicate kiss to his lips. He gently leant back, with Tommys mouth following him. Their lips moved slowly and softly; no heat or tongue involved—just two people relishing the soft moment.

“We should clean up.” Tommy said after a few minutes. Buck shifted to get up and Tommy put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “No—wait here.” He walked over to the bathroom and wetted a towel and returned, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Is it okay if I wipe you down?” He asked. Buck simply nodded having lost the ability to speak at the care that Tommy was showing him. He’d never been with anybody who so consistently checked in with him when he was with somebody long term, let alone a someone he’d only spent a few hours with.

Tommy finished cleaning Buck then pulled his boxers back up, fondly tapping his hip as a little flourish at the end of the job. He threw the towel back into the bathroom and laid back down on the bed, lifting his arm up. “C’mere.” He said and Buck didn’t hesitate to slide his body over and rested his head on Tommy’s chest.

It was different being the one to cuddle into someone’s chest—usually he was the one with his arm around his partner. But as new as it was, it felt good; calming. He couldn’t help but swirl circles into Tommys chest hair either his finger; the novelty of sleeping with someone that had it had not left him yet.

Tommys hand was lightly running through Bucks curls and he couldn’t help but let his eyes flutter closed at the feel. He sighed contentedly and Tommy placed a kiss onto the top of his head. He couldn’t help but smile into Tommys skin as his consciousness slowly slipped away.

Buck sighed heavily as he woke up. He kept his eyes closed as his brain came back online. He was warm and cosy wrapped up in the thick blanket. Slowly his eyes blinked open and at seeing the room he was in, the memories of the previous night came flooding back.

But Tommy wasn’t there. The room was empty. Buck laid back staring at the ceiling remembering what happened between them. A flush came over him as he remembered the feeling of Tommys lips on his; his hands all over his body, and his voice! That molasses-infused voice praising him was otherworldly.

What did all of this mean for him? He was never afraid of new sexual experiences—hell he relished them—and he wasn’t ashamed of the fact that this one involved a man. More than anything it was surprising. He knew that plenty of people discover things about their sexuality later in life, but could you really go 33 years without a single clue?

He tried searching through his memories to find some kind of clue that maybe there was something that stood out. There was that one time in Texas with a firefighter named TK; he’d thought Buck was asking him out, and Buck was quick to deny that that was what he was doing, but.. It’s no secret that he had a thing for competency, and he worked side by side with TK; saw just how good he was at his job. Maybe he was attracted to him?

Before he had a chance to think more, the door opened and Tommy walked in holding 2 cups of coffee; with a brown paper bag held in his teeth.

Bucks stomach swooped and flipped at seeing him. He walked over to Buck reaching out of the cups for him to take, before removing the bag from his mouth.

“You hungry?” He said, placing his own coffee on the nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed by Bucks hips.

“You-you brought me breakfast?” Buck asked in surprise. Tommy smiled and Buck felt his heart rate increase.

“What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t?” Tommy said it so plainly; so as a matter of fact as though not doing it wasn’t even an option.

“Th-thanks.”

Tommy tentatively leaned down and pressed his lips to Bucks. Just a quick chaste kiss, but one that Buck pressed into. Tommy smiled again as he released Bucks lips and sat back up. Buck took a sip of the coffee and hummed pleasantly.

“I didn’t know how you take it, so I took a guess.”

“Good guess.” Buck told him happily.

“I figured your coffee would resemble you: strong bodied and super sweet.” Buck couldn’t hide the blush that spread across his cheeks and smiled back at him.

“I take it the snow has let up?” He asked trying to change the subject away from Tommy trying to actually kill him with compliments.

“Yeah, a little. Enough that I could get my truck out to get food. Still no power though. But the local radio said half the towns power is out.”

“Shit, really? I should probably check on Maddie.”

Tommy pulled his phone from his pocket and held it out to him. “Here. If you wanna call her.”

“Oh, I don’t actually know her number.” Buck admitted. Tommy raised an eyebrow.

“You’re a first responder—you know how important it is to remember energy contact details.”

“Says the guy who created a fire hazard last night?” Buck teased back. Tommy opened his mouth to respond by quickly closed it. “Exactly.” Buck smiled.

“Well, I have Howie’s number anyway if you want to call him. You said he was here, right?”

“Uh, yeah. Thanks.” He took the phone and pulled up Chim’s number.

“Tommy? Long time no-“

“Uh, actually it’s Buck.”

“Buck? What.. why do you have Tommy’s phone?“

“Because I’m with him.” Buck informed him.

“You’re with-wait, wait, wait—did you go back home?!”

“No, uh, he’s here in Hershey.”

“Tommy’s here in Hershey?” Chim repeated.

“Yes,”

“Why the hell is Tommy in Hershey?”

“It’s doesn’t matter, Chim. Look, I just wanted to check in on you, my sister and Jee with the blackout.”

“We’re fine. Well, aside from your sister freaking out about not being able to contact you. She’s really having a hard time, Buck.”

Buck sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I know and I’m sorry I scared her—I just needed to get away from them.”

“Hey, I get it—I’ve witnessed enough of Philip and Margaret’s antics, but you really should have talked to her.”

“I couldn’t, Chim.” His began to raise his voice. “She was the one who convinced me to come. And I know she didn’t know what they’d be like, and it’s not her fault, and i know it’s irrational, okay, but-but i needed to get away from her, too, to cool off.”

Tommy put his hand on Bucks leg and gave him a gentle reassuring squeeze. Immediately Buck anger began to dissipate as he looked at Tommy’s soft, reassuring expression.

He kept eye contact with Tommy as he spoke into the phone. “Chim, I have to go. Tell Maddie I’ll be back later and we’ll talk, okay?”

“Okay, but-“

Buck ended the call, threw the phone onto the nightstand and leaned forward, grabbing Tommy at the back of the neck to pull him in for a searing kiss.

Tommy willingly leant into it and held onto Bucks face; his thumb gently grazing his cheek. The kiss quickly slowed down into a soft and deep one. Buck was—god how did he not know it could feel like this? Tommys lips and tongue were perfect. He could do this forever.

But that begged the question: what now? Tommy was here in Hershey to sell the motel—who knows how long that will take. And when he’s back in L.A would he want to see Buck again? Buck couldn’t pretend for a moment even to himself that he didn’t want to see Tommy again. He’d some managed to slide himself into the space between Bucks organs and it filled him with warmth and excitement.

He gently released the kiss and rested his forehead against Tommy’s. They both just breathed each other in with closed eyes.

“Can I ask you something?” Buck asked quietly.

“Anything.” Tommy replied piling back to look at him. That smile was killing Buck from the inside out.

“What happens now? I-I mean.. obviously I have to go back to L.A in a few days and you.. you’re here and-and I don’t.. I don’t want to not see you.” He looked down, embarrassed at the confession. Tommy tilted his chin back up with two fingers.

“I don’t know what happens next. I don’t know how long it’s going to take to sell this place. I don’t expect this; expect you. But I don’t want to not see you either.”

Bucks felt every atom in his body shift and vibrate and he could stop the grin.

***

He was quiet on the journey to the airport, during check in, waiting to board and the first half of the flight. Eventually Maddie approached the subject.

“You okay?”

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” He asked.

“Um, no. But, I do believe that some people come into your life that you’re feel an immediate connection with.” She looked at Chimney who was sat across the aisle in the middle row playing with Jee-Yun. “Wait, have you met someone.”

“Tommy.” He said.

“Tommy the-wow!”

“What, wow?” Buck questioned looking at her.

“No, not wow. I mean like.. wow.. I didn’t think that’s where your interest would lie.”

“I didn’t either.” He said. “I love women—I’ve always loved women.”

“How long have you been leaning in the other direction?” She asked.

“I haven’t; not specifically. I mean, sure I’ll check out a hot guys ass, but that’s normal.” He argued.

“It’s not abnormal.”

“But Tommy.. I dunno, he’s so confident, he’s interesting; he has a cleft..” A feeling of disappointment came over him that he didn’t kiss Tommy’s cleft when he had the chance.

“And you think you’re in love with him?” she asked.

“I.. I don’t know. Ive never.. I’ve never felt like this, Maddie. It’s like.. the way he looks at me I feel like-calm, you know? Being with him made me feel like all the bad shit that has ever happened to me didn’t matter. I have this feeling in my stomach like he’s been carved into it. I know, I know I sound like an idiot..” he sat back in his seat, sighing.

He did sound like an idiot—he’d known the man a few days—how the hell could he be in love with him?! If it even is love.. maybe it’s just infatuation.

“Buck, you’ve been through a lot on your life—more than most. And all I want for you—all I’ve ever wanted for you is to be happy. Does Tommy make you happy?”

“I mean.. yeah. But, we barely know each other. What if he comes back to L.A—if he ever comes back—and it’s not what I want it to be?”

“I can’t tell you if it’ll work out, and maybe it won’t. But maybe it will. Maybe it’ll be the best decision you ever make. After Doug I was terrified of taking a chance with Chim. But i knew there was something between us and I took that chance and now we’re married, with a beautiful daughter and I couldn’t imagine my life with anybody else.”

“I’m glad you’re happy, Maddie. I’ve always wanted that for you too, you know.”

“I know. Look, the question you have to ask yourself is: Is Tommy worth the risk?”

Buck relaxed into his seat and stared out of the plane window at the clouds below him, contemplating Maddies question.

After collecting his Jeep from Maddies house he made his way through town to his apartment. He pulled his bag out of the trunk and heavily made his way into the building, thinking about this last conversation with Tommy.

Buck walked into the motel foyer solemnly. This was the last time for a potentially long while that he would be able to see Tommy. They’d only met 3 days ago and yet he’d somehow rooted himself inside Bucks consciousness.

“Hey you.” Tommy greeted walking out from the back room.

“Hey.” He said trying to force a smile.

“You heading home?” Tommy asked coming closer and sliding hands around Bucks waist. Buck naturally let his arms rest around Tommys shoulders.

Buck nodded. “They’re in car waiting for me.”

“Oh, well don’t let me keep you.” He moved to release Buck who held on tighter.

“What if I wanted you to keep me?” There was a small smirk to his mouth. Tommy gripped him tighter and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips.

“Hmm, now that is tempting..”

Buck took him in another kiss; this one deeper and open mouthed. As their lips and tongues met Bucks mind went blank to everything—Tommy being all he could focus on. He gripped Tommys body tighter and shoved his head into the crook of his neck. Tommy hand came up to stroke the hair on the back of his head.

“I-I can’t believe I have to leave you.” He mumbled into Tommys neck.

“I hate it, too, baby.” He replied and Bucks insides turned to goo again at the pet name. He would stand like this forever if he could but the car horn that blasted from outside. They pulled apart a few inches and Tommy lightly held Bucks face as he kissed him in the softest way; one Buck had never been in the receiving end before. He rested his head against Bucks.

“We’ll see each other again soon, I promise.” He whispered.

“How do you know that?”

“Because how could anybody let someone like you go?”

Buck had to use everything inside of him to not burst into tears at hearing those words. He thrust himself forwards subjecting Tommy to a crushing hug.

“Oomph” Tommy chuckled.

After a few more hugs and not nearly enough kissing, Buck reluctantly left Tommy.

He left the elevator and walked along the corridor towards his apartment. As he turned the corner he stopped dead in his tracks. His bag fell to the ground from his hands, his throat dried up, his heart throbbed in his chest and tears threatened to escape his eyes.

Leaning against his door, with those blue eyes, and that smile that created those beautiful lines around his face, was Tommy.

“Hey, sweetheart.” he simply said. The tears came from Buck as he hurtled forward and crashed his lips into Tommy’s. Somehow having Tommy here now made him feel more at home.

“What are you.. how did you.. I can’t believe.” Buck has so many questions and tries to ask them in between kisses.

“Perks of being a pilot.” He answered. Buck pulled his head back and looked at him.

“You-you flew all the way here?”

“It was the quickest way to get to you.” And oh my god if he wasn’t in love with Tommy already, he would be soon if he kept saying things like that.

“What about the motel?”

“Well..” Tommy said in between kissed to Bucks temple and cheek. “I don’t actually have to keep it open while looking for a buyer. Plus, I fucking hate running a motel.”

Buck couldn’t help but laugh.

“So, are you going to invite me in, or..?” He asked running his hands along Bucks shoulders.

“Oh.” Buck said, a little embarrassed he’d forgotten they were still standing in the corridor. “Of course.” He picked up his bag and unlocked the door letting Tommy in first. Tommy walked through the kitchen looking around at his surroundings as Buck closed and locked the door.

He stood for a moment just looking at Tommy. He still didn’t know if what he was feeling was love, but wherever it was, he was going to welcome it.

Risk it.

Tommy turned around to look at Buck the other side of the kitchen.

“C’mere.”

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