#jcs headcanons

[jittyjames]

bored out of my mind at work bc it’s the week before christmas and no one ever comes and i’ve cleaned this whole place top to bottom and i still have to fucking babysit it so i bring you….

what the jesusi would order from subway brought to you by your local sandwich artist (and why)

(no one will have ham or bacon bc THEYRE JEWISH. and don't fight me on this. i'm the expert.)

2012 bway jesus

he gets the philly steak because it’s the first thing on the menu and he gets frustrated because he doesn’t know how to work a subway without mary and judas (this happens more often than you’d think.) he gets it exactly how it comes on the menu but is dissatisfied bc he doesn’t like green peppers and didn’t realize they were there. he still tips. he inevitably fucks up every time he comes into the shop and ends up dissociating until it’s time to pay. but also buys a pack of the raspberry cookies for mary and judas!!!

arena tour jesus

a vegan, so he get the veggie delight! he gets it on wheat bread with no cheese (but the bread warmed!) and then he gets all the fresh veggies. lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, cucumber, onions, green pepper, and black olives. he also gets with olive oil, red wine vinegar, and a sprinkle of salt ✨but he WILL be getting a bag of crisps to go with it. a super chill customer who is really polite, but not overly bubbly to the point it’s grating. orders quickly and promptly leaves. tips, but makes sure to do it in cash so it won’t go to the company.

2k jesus

he would get the mexicali. it’s indulgent and earthy and rich. it’s a lot. and this jesus is a lot. also everyone who gets this is super nice and they know what the want. mexicali people are good people. he gets it with provolone cheese instead of pepperjack and has them leave off the onions and adds banana peppers. herb and cheese bread! because he’s extra! he does not tip but it’s bc he doesn’t know tipping is a thing at subway.

(okay i admit this is mostly bc there''s a guy who looks just like him who always gets this one even though its not on the current menu. i still make it for him. and that just has the vibes of glensus.)

1973 jesus

this dood is just classic. like yeah. this guy would eat fish. he would get the most basic sub you can think of. and it’s tuna. and everyone thinks he’s wrong for it. but he likes it, so it’s okay. he’s a whole grain guy and he doesn’t get cheese or sauce on it. he’s a cucumber and olive man. that’s it. he’s the type of customer that leaves the employees going “…huh.” he’s the type that just appears at the counter and you didn’t even hear him walk in. he will also always start at the wrong end. but super nice and easy. you learn his order and can make it as soon as you see him. super polite. not very talkative. he tips in coins.

2024 dutch tour jesus

sweet onion terriyaki chicken. the best one. he has the best taste. (this was my fav one before i went vegetarian.) it’s savory but also pleasant and light and it’s a nice little treat. and he deserves a nice little treat. i think he’s a flatbread fellow. for veg he would get spinach, onion, green pepper, and a light glaze of the sauce. maybe he would even add some pepperjack cheese bc he likes a diverse flavor profile! heated and not toasted bc he likes the bread soft like him! the type of customer the employees love getting because he’s always polite and kind (and pretty)! will also tip! this guy walks in and you'll tell your coworker “oh, i'll get him!“

50th anniversary tour jesus

a cutie sweetie pie. he just gets something quick so he can get back to it. he's been getting the same sandwich since he was a child and came in with the virgin mary. just a plain turkey and american cheese (get it for the american tour) on italian bread with lettuce and light mayo. never tomato though. if he gets tomato by mistake, he will politely pick them off and give them to someone else. but more recently, he's been indulging and ordering one of the soft pretzels with honey mustard to go with it. considerate and polite customer who will chat about music with you while you make his sandwich. (you'll slip him a coupon bc he's adorable.) forgets cash, so he doesn't tip but he will most definitely thank you profusely.

2014 Swedish Tour Jesus

straight up just gets that terrifying footlong cookie. It smells amazing (so does he) and they're both intimidating as hell. he straight up walks into the store with his shirt unbuttoned and his sunglasses on. you've never seen anyone brave enough to actually buy this, but if anyone could do it, it's him. he would not eat an actual sandwich from the store. the idea freaks him out. your overly flirtatious coworker will try to ask him out. he'll laugh. then he'll ask for two forks (will he share with judas? mary? he hasn't decided yet.) and tips a surprisingly large amount that makes your jaw drop. you will be googling him to see if he's a celebrity afterwards. but no, he's just like that.

[atlas-affogato]

So it's a first date with the Enforcers. Are they picking their date up or meeting them at the location? What's their go-to standard first date plans [dinner & movie? Walk in the park? Arcade? Baseball game?] Do they attempt contact like holding hands & kisses goodnight, or do they let their date initiate that?

Finn does the "fake yawn to drape his arm over dates shoulder" thing. You can't convince me otherwise.

Ratso picks them up, with flowers because he's a gentleman, knocks on their door and walks them to the car and everything. His go to first date is dinner and a walk in the park so he can talk to them, hear about their interests. He loves to just sit there and let his date talk and talk and talk and just absorb it all in. He doesn't initiate anything more serious than handholding on a first date because his mother drilled into him to be a gentleman, but he does like taking dates to more windy parts of San Francisco so he can take off his jacket and wrap it around their shoulders. He will kiss them on their doorstep if he's feeling it, and even if he's not he always calls them back and sends them more flowers or chocolates.

*snort* Finn so would. He would 😂 Finn will pick them up but wait in the car and lay on the horn like an asshole lmao although he does make up for it by kissing them on the cheek as soon as they're in the car. Finn will do drinks then dancing then dinner then a walk, either through a park or around the city. His date nights are long, out the door by seven and not getting home till midnight. Finn will spend hours at any location, so its kind of up to the date to drag him out of the bar or off the dance floor to not miss their dinner reservations. He loses track of time, but he's super affectionate even on a first date, his hands tend to wander 😳 Finn gets handsy on a first date, so its up to the date if they're into that he's the type of guy to fuck in a city park on the first date but he does always call them back, he's not a hit it and quit it.

Chow is a bit more nervous about dates, it takes him a bit to loosen up around someone, but once he's relaxed he's a ton of fun. Drinks at a bar are his go to, but if his date is also into gaming they'll go to the arcade and talk shit at eachother the entire time playing Street Fighter or Dance Dance Revolution. He does really enjoy bowling but he thinks its a cheesy date idea so he doesn't bring it up unless his date wants to go. He'll also go mini golfing and get drunk and flirt the entire time. How touchy Chow is depends on how comfortable he is with his date, if they hit it off immediately he's gonna wrap and arm around their waist and kiss them and do the 'playfully teasing/bullying' thing, but if he's not feeling it then he's very reserved. He always brings up the fact that he rides a motorcycle, and they always want a ride, so he always picks them up. You cannot convince me Chow doesn't know how to ride a motorcycle

Now this is assuming they're going on a date with a woman, if they're gay this all goes completely out the window.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Put that thing back or so help me.

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[whumpbby]

Isn't that interesting that both Jin Guangyao and Wen Ning accuse Jiang Cheng of doing to Wei Wuxian what they themselves did?

JGY helped to orchestrate the public rejection and WN helped to remove WWX's golden core - while JC had no way to stop and no knowledge of either.

Isn't it narratively interesting?

[lavender-phoenix-flames]

The posts about jc wanting to raise sizhui as his own doesn't only frustrates me but it is also hilarious cuz this man can't even raise jin ling without being physically and verbally abusive, he seethes at the very mention of a wen and you think he will raise wen yuan as his own cuz he like a son to wei wuxian so by your logic he is sizhui's 'uncle' now.

What a cruel joke are playing on a child whose whole family got slaughtered by the very seige lead by jiang cheng and the levels of suffering his Xian gege had to go through cuz of jc. Sizhui is polite but that doesn't mean he would tolerate someone like jc.

[play-dough-pro]

hc that during Excalibur years Kurt and kitty would do silly holiday cards and send them to the xmen but it would always be the stupid poses they make u do at jc penny. eventually the rest of the team joins in on it but they both cherish the photos they have together the most

[sonik-kun]

Jiang Cheng is a virgin by choice. There is just no way a man like him is without a partner in a world where arranged marriages (and forced ones too) exist.

I mean take a look at his parents. There was no love in that marriage and yet they still fucked for the sake of their sects 😂

This is where JC fan's ace headcanons come from. Whilst yes, he may have a temper and sometimes a sour attitude, the fact that Jin Guangshan of all people can pull due to his wealth and power means that Jiang Cheng can do it too. But he doesn't want to because he shows little next to no interest in pursuing romantic relationships in the story.

I guess this post is just me ranting about JC antis bashing our ace JC headcanons and the typical "haha, JC is a virgin" joke I see on here. This isn't the 90s. I thought we're passed insulting people for being virgins? 😭😭 Especially since ace people exist? (And depressed people too.. Which could be another explanation for JCs lack of desire to pursue a wife..).

Either way, I'm ending this by saying that Jiang Cheng is 100% virgin by choice. He could easily get a partner or heck even visit brothels if he wanted to, but he doesn't. Which to me suggests that there might be something Jiang Cheng is struggling with or trying to figure out for himself.

[runespoor7]

JC finds it mortifying that, despite his protestations and objective knowledge of the opposite, he finds WWX almost as funny as WWX thinks he is. WWX is not actually that funny. JC has taste. Except clearly not.

He also finds it deeply exasperating (but also heartwarming) that WWX claims that JC thinks he's funny, no matter what JC says.

[bnnywngs]

i like to think that if (no sunshot campaign) lan wangji went to study at lotus pier after cloud recesses classes, and he still treated wei wuxian like that ™, the shidis would go from star-eyed polite kids to little shits that would glare at lan-er-gongzi and play childish pranks on him because he's breaking their da-shixiong's heart

[lgbtlunaverse]

A slightly unhinged case for jin guangyao knowing about the core transfer while WWX was still alive

Ok. SO. In chapter 101, during guangyin temple, Jin Guangyao clearly knows about the golden core transfer. He uses it to bring Jiang Cheng off-kilter and stab him and simultaneously reveals to wwx that jc himself now knows about the golden core transfer.

I've always wondered exactly when he figured it out. The most obvious explanation is that he pieced it together after hearing about Jiang Cheng asking everyone to unsheathe suibian (also? jgy? how the fuck do you know that? You were already going to/at Guanyin temple at this point! Did you just have people listen in on rumours from Yunmeng and report back to you for that?? Did you tell your spy network where you were going? My whole kingdom for a retelling of this arc from the pov of these random jin disciples seeing their sect leader start spiralling. He's diggin up random tombs? Fleeing the country? And threatening the heir's life?? What was random Jin cultivator #6 thinking of this before Nie Mingjue turned him into minced meat?)

BUT.

The first time I read that line I was like "oh so he's known for a WHILE." I mean, the line "I've always found it peculiar [that wwx never took his sword anywhere]" does indicate he's been thinking about this for a while, but it doesn't have to mean he knew back then. So I absolutely can't say with certainty that my instinct was right. But I DO have some decent canon backing for how he might have potentially figured things out as early as before Wei Wuxian's death. Specifically, after the discussion scene that takens place when wei wuxian does his thing with the wens and dissapears.

Cause, see, Wen Chao would definitely have bragged about Wen Zhuliu crushing Jiang Cheng's core to his father. He killed the current sect leader, and then permanently disabled the only heir. He did it! the Jiang are gone! I bet he was very loud about it until, a few weeks later, Jiang Cheng suddenly strolls up to the battlefield, with Zidian on his finger, cultivation very much intact, looking for Wei Wuxian.

That must've been fucking baffling if you were Wen Chao and/or Wen Zhuliu and/or any other cultivator who was there and definitely saw Jiang Cheng's core get crushed. They must have assumed something went wrong, or he faked having his core destroyed, but we've never heard of something like that happening before, and they tortured him for hours! It wasn't a quick batle where Wen Zhuliu must have missed in haste, he would've noticed!

Now, by the time Meng yao arrives, wen zhuliu and wen chao are both long dead, but that kind of thing would at least still be a source of gossip among the other Wen. The only time the core melting hand ever failed!

It might be something that, say... a very careful spy with a perfect memory looking for information... might pick up on in his stay with the Wen, no?

So, Meng Yao has heard the rumour that sect leader Jiang got his core crushed but somehow managed to... still have a core.

Independantly of his, Wei Wuxian is being really weird and refusing to carry his sword. His primary concern there is wwx stirring shit up, he has no reason to believe these things are connected yet.

But then Wei Wuxian runs off with a bunch of Wen, and before he is cut off, Jiang Cheng tells everyone that after the siege on lotus pier, he and wei wuxian were helped by Wen Qing and Wen Ning! Jiang Cheng doesn't get to say how, which is good for jgy in this moment because he's trying to steer the conversation as such that no one gets mad at the Jin sect for all the war crimes, but even if his goal is for everyone else to forget Jiang Cheng said that, he'd remember it.

So... after the moment where jiang cheng, according to rumours that were contained to the wen, lost his core, he was helped by wen ning and wen qing, who is a really good doctor. And, in canon, had written theoretical proposals on core transfers before, just never experimented on them. Were these available for others among the Wen to read? Did jgy read them? We have no way of knowing. But if he did, he remembers them. Either way, he knows her reputation.

And Wei Wuxian disappeared right round that same moment, only to resurface with his demonic cultivation, at which point he never touched his sword again. Not even in the middle of a dangerous war. Not even when he was public enemy number one and it would do wonders for his reputation if he was seen cultivating the traditional path. When doing so would have made not just him but the 50 people he was shielding safer! if Jin guangyao was somehow in his position, he'd immediately do everything he could to counteract the narrative of beign a dangerous madman who'd left the straight path. Wei Wuxian has been in absolutely desperate situations and still refuses to pick up his sword...

The saying doesn't exist yet, but i'm sure someone like jgy, more competent than everyone around him, is intimately familair with at least the sentiment of "never ascribe to malice what is adequately explained by incompetence" He is helping spread the narrative of Wei Wuxian as a violent madman, sure, but does he believe it? If it makes no sense for wei wuxian, no longer a privileged young master but an outcast, to not pick up his sword again out of arrogancy, the most reliable explanation is that he... can't.

So Jiang Cheng, who got his core melted, got help from Wen Qing, an incredible doctor, after which he coud cultivate just fine but Wei Wuxian, no matter how desperate, never used traditional cultivation ever again...

Hm. interesting!

It's likely no one else in the jianghu outside of the wen even knew Jiang Cheng lost his core to begin with. And Jin Guangyao was never given wwx's excuse of Baoshan Sanren owing him a favor like Jiang Cheng was. He has all the puzzle pieces in front of him and... if anyone as gonna put them together, it'd be him.

And that's my unhinged case for why I believe Jin Guangyao knew Wei Wuxian didn't have a golden core anymore years before anyone else did. He just never told anyone, because why would he?

I think this adds a whole other level to his speech to Jiang Cheng about how everything could've worked out if he'd just trusted Wei Wuxian more and stood by his side. He saw it all play out in real time knowing there was more going on beneath the surface!

Now the really interesting question becomes: When did he figure out Jiang Cheng himself wasn't in on it? Did he piece it together immediately from remembering seeing jiang cheng berate wwx for not carrying a sword, a thing he should've known he couldn't do? Or was it not until later, maybe the fake yunmeng bros fallout, or the REAL fallout when Jiang Yanli died? Or was it still the news of Jiang Cheng going around and asking everyone to unsheathe subian that made him realize that oh my god this stupid bitch had no idea the whole time.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Bonus 8: How met your mother (CSSR design by @qourmet!)

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[whumpbby]

Imagine if Su She, instead of making his own sect, joined the Jiang.

Lan Zhan would have even more reasons to dislike Jiang Cheng, but then Jiang Cheng would get the best second in command ever xD (because Su She would doubtlessly climb his way to the SiC position, he's a powerhouse!)

[mediocretosubpar-soup]

@jiangchengsjawline @whumpbby on a related note to this post, jc badgered by the world to stabilize ymj with an heir gets a magic baby!lotus and thinks, i don't want anyone else in my house. so, he conducts the energies for the magic baby!lotus via sandu and suibian. and never mentions this to anyone ever.

---

JL: who's the other parent?

JC (thinking of wwx calling him SLJ and addressing him like a stranger): he's dead.

---wwx finds out about the kid---

WWX: so tell your uncle wei, who is the brave woman who endured jc's noxious personality long enough to produce a baby.

JL (at least, 5 Jin disciples hiding behind him): this is a night hunt!

around them the forest is peaceful and very still, not even a cricket dares to chirp.

WWX (blithely): and what a great job you did all the ghosts have fled from the might of the jin sect. so let's catch up! who's the unluckiest lady of the jianghu?

the jin sect disciples huddle closer to JL.

JL (rising to his full height and pulling JGY's best customer service smile onto his face): if you are so interested in the business of yunmeng jiang sect, i'll be delighted to escort you there.

wwx, the coward, folds like a wet blanket. in the privacy of his own head, JL sneers at him. how dare wwx demand jiujiu's secrets when he's not even willing to face the man.

--- three months and a few days after the magic lotus has ripened into a human child ---

wwx crawls into lotus pier. the wards around the child's chambers are impressive. still wwx could break them, jc has never beaten him, after all. but if jc trusted him with the child, he would have invited him, wouldn't he have? (the invitation said lan sect + spouses, jc doesn't know wwx has been banned from joining the lans in a diplomatic function) wwx isn't going to disrespect jc's boundaries more than he already has, just a little, it's fine jiang cheng will never know. wwx places his gifts among all the other ostentatious presents from sect leaders far and wide.

when the baby learns to crawl and grab, she picks out a silly bamboo flute carved with all kinds of nasty lake critters, its tassel boring, mud colored thread. JL balks, how did such a shoddy thing find its way into the presents for the heir of lotus pier? until, he sees JC smile.

[piosplayhouse]

People need to stop making posts excusing wwx and wen qing for committing nonconsensual surgeries and instead start making more aus where they actually commit even more unethical and crazy surgeries

[sonik-kun]

Love that the latest audio piece made Jiang Cheng doing embroidery canon 🥹

I wonder what he had embroidered on his robes? And whether it was his sister who had taught him how to do it in the first place? 🥺

Or maybe he got into embroidery due to many sleepless nights after losing his sister? And he needed something to keep himself busy whenever he finished his paperwork? Perhaps it was a hobby he adopted to make him feel closer to his sister? 😭😭