#jaune just wants to go home

[arc-misadventures]

The Lady of Frozen Glades

Ren: Brrbrrbrrbrrbrr!

Ren: Why is it so freaking cold?!

Jaune: 1: We're in the mountains, it's always cold up here. 2: We're in the, Frozen Glades. By the name alone it should have been oblivious that it's going to be cold. 3: You are wearing thin robes more fit for summer weather, then the frozen mountains!

Ren: I thought I wouldn't need winter clothes... Achoo!

Jaune: Ren?! We're on a quest to slay an ice dragon. Of fucking course it's going to be cold!

Ren: I just didn't think it would be this cold!

Jaune: You idiot...

Ren: Come on, let's just finish this so we can go home...

Jaune: Okay, let's try this cave here.

Ren: What makes you think they're in this cave?

Jaune: The giant claw marks on the walls, and the floor.

Ren: ...

Ren: Oh...

~~~

Jaune: Okay... This is a big room...

Ren: This looks... Achoo! Ahh... Sniff! This looks like the place... But, where is it? Did we... Achoo! Did we miss it...

Jaune: I don't know, maybe we did. Well, we could set up a trap, and wait for it to come here.

Ren: Wait here... Achoo! I-I-In the cold...?!

Jaune: Well do you have a better...?

(Click, click, click, click, click...)

Jaune: Are those... Does that sound like high heels?

Ren: I think... Achoo! I think it is...

Jaune: Who would be wearing high heels in a mountain? Much less on a field of ice. That's cra... Oh... Ohhhh!

Ren: 'Ohhh?' Wha... Achoo! What's... Oh...

(Click, Click, Click...)

: Oh? More adventures? Are you here to kill me?

Jaune: That depends, are you the Ice Dragon of the Frozen Glades in human form?

: Yes, I am, Weiss the Elemental Frost Dragon of the Frozen Glades. And, are you more foolish adventurers who have come to slay me?

Jaune: Uhhh... No. No, we are not here to slay you.

Weiss: Really now?

Ren: What?! Achoo! The quest was to slay the ice dragon?

Jaune: 'Slay?' There's no, 'S' in the title... It says, 'Lay the Dragon.'

Ren: Bull...! Achoo! Bullshit! You just want to smash the dragon!

Jaune: Shoot me, I'm a Paladin...

Weiss: A paladin...

Ren: Of the Summer Maiden...

Weiss: A Paladin of the Summer Maiden~?

Jaune: No, I was just going to say I'm a paladin. We paladins have a love hate relationship with dragons. Half of us want to kill them, the other half want's to sleep with them.

Weiss: Sleep... w-with a dragon...?

Jaune: Hell, two of my sisters are half dragons! One's a flame dragon, and the other is earth dragon. And, like all dragons they all have their hordes of treasures!

Ren: They both... Achoo! They both have a treasure hold of gold? Achoo!

Jaune: No, my goblin sister is the one with the treasure horde. My sister who is the fire dragon has a treasure horde of mystical weapons, she's really into mystical weapons. She tried to steal my holy sword. Several times at that...

Jaune: My sister the earth dragon, has a horde of books! Lots, and lots of books!

Ren: How many?

Jaune: Ever heard of the, Library of Il'ithyca?

Ren: Yeah, it's the... Achoo! Achoo! Sniff... It's the words largest library...

Jaune: That's my sister's library.

Ren: What?!

Weiss: Oh! Your, Thiriana's little brother!

Jaune: Oh, you know my sister?

Weiss: Yes! We talk a lot about our favourite books! She has told me a lot about you when we were discussing my favourite book.

Jaune: What book?

Weiss: The... The Dragon's Knight~!

Jaune: 'The Dragon's Knight...?' What is that book ab...?! Oh... Oh that book...

Weiss: Yes. That book~!

Ren: What do you mean by that?

Jaune: Uhhh, Ren. You can go back to the inn, and warm up. I need to, 'Slay' the dragon...

Ren: What...?! Achoo! You're not going to kill her! You're going to sleep with her!

Jaune: And, you're going to freeze to death the longer you stay here.

Ren: ...

Ren: Achoo!

Ren: Sniff... Well, I'll see you back at the inn!

Jaune: See you later, Ren.

Jaune: Now then... Tell me, Weiss, Ice Dragon of the Frozen Glades. Which chapter is your favourite?

Weiss: Chapter 21!

Jaune: Oh? Good choice~!

[rachetmath]

Jaune and Yang Battle

Yang: Jaune.

Jaune: What is it Yang?

Yang: Fight me!

Jaune: Why?

Yang: Just cause.

Jaune: Did someone bet on this? Nora? Weiss? Neon? Emerald?

Yang: No just-

Jaune: Then no I’m not fighting you.

Yang: You scared of me.

Jaune: I mean, yeah, but mainly I don't see a point. Considering your record.

Yang: I have a clean record.

Jaune: Mercury, Haven Academy, you could barely touch him.

Yang: Don’t count.

Jaune: Neo, Atlas and Ever After you barely fought her and she whooped you.

Yang: Don’t count.

Jaune: Salem.

Yang: Okay that ultimately doesn’t count. She’s immortal!

Jaune: Then what counts Yang? Adam, who you tag-teamed with Blake.

Yang: Hey I carried that fight.

Jaune: Neon and Flynt which you got lucky by the way.

Yang: Now hold up Jaune. I beat them fair and square.

Jaune: Look I just don’t see the point.

Yang: So you pussy.

Jaune: Guess so. Unless I have reason then you are out of luck. Ask Ren.

Yang: Okay, if you win I will do whatever you want.

Jaune: Whatever I want?

Yang: Yes.

Jaune: Anything?

Yang: Yes.

Jaune: Okay. Let’s go.

Yang: Oh I'm so going to kick your-

Later on after the fight.

Raven: So he beat your ass?

Yang: Yeah.

Raven: And he didn’t even ask you to do anything sexual?

Yang: No.

Raven: Just spend time with me?

Yang: Yeah.

Raven: Damn. So what if I don’t want to spend time with you?

Yang: *points*

Raven: *sees Jaune*

Jaune: *screams in the distance* Don’t think I forgot about my village bitch! Don’t think because you are a maiden I’m scared to face you! Don’t think that! Don’t think that! I know where your baby daddy lives too. Don’t make me go to him, I will! You know what I’ll kill your brother too. Cause both you Branwens had me f**** up. Don’t believe me? Test me! Come and see if I don’t have that dog in me. Come and try me!

Raven: Okay. He is crazy. Well, my beautiful daughter, let’s at least spend an hour-

Jaune: What?

Raven: Three hours.

Jaune: What?!!

Raven: The whole day together. Come on.

Jaune: That’s what I thought pussy.

Qrow: Aye kid you-

Jaune: *demon voice* DON’T TALK ME QROW! GO SPEND TIME WITH YOUR NIECE BEFORE I MAKE YOU SEE CLOVER AGAIN!

Qrow: Okay. Okay. Calm down. I'm out.

Jaune: F***** bum ass- man I-I miss my family. When can I go home?! Damn. I have no partner. No money. No respect. Damn, I- I got nothing. Shit! I might need make a new friend or something because at this rate I'll be a villain.

In hell.

Adam: Damn.

Roman: Damn.

Hazel: God Damn. I feel sorry for him.

In heaven

Ironwood: Damn. I feel his pain.

Lewis: That is sad.

Alyx: *hiding behind Penny*No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

Penny:*trying to defend them both* Friend Pyrrha, please I apologize.

Summer: *holding Pyrrha down* Pyrrha, calm down young lady.

Pyrrha: Let me kill em. Let me kill em!

Marvel

Peter: Come to this side Jaune. I could use some company.

Fandom Universe

Fan made Jaune: I mean I may not be the overpowered character but at least I get something done.

Friend AU Jaune: I know the feeling man. It will get better. Probably.

[howlingday]

Sienna: What the hell?! Where are the rest of my soldiers?!

Jaune: Dead.

Sienna: And who the hell are you?!

Jaune: Tired. I'm going to bed.

Ruby: I'll join you~!

Sienna: WHAT?!

Jaune: No, she won't.

Sienna: Listen here... I'm Sienna Khan, Leader of the White Pussies! (ROAR!) Five members of the White Pussies (ROAR!) are now dead! And you think you can just walk out of here with a 12 year old girl on your arm?!

Ruby: I'm actually 18... in this post.

Sienna: ...YOU SICK FUCK! I should kill you right MEOW!

Jaune: I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY... PUSSY.

Sienna: (Flinches)

Jaune: C'mon, Ruby. I'll take you home. BUT ONLY THAT. Got it?

Ruby: Yes, Daddy~! (Exits with him)

Jaune: Dammit, stop calling me that! (Exits)

Sienna: (Purrs) No one's ever put me in my place like that... I WANT HIM.

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Hm?

FURRY ROUTE IS NOW AVAILABLE

Jaune: Oh, what the fuck?!

[howi99]

Papa Arc: ... I never wanted you to become a huntsman, Jaune.

Jaune: ...

Papa Arc: *sad smile* Not because i don't believe in you, but because i thought you were like your mom. *Chuckle* She would go straight into danger, acting like a reckless fool.

Jaune: ...

Papa Arc: I... I was always proud of you... But i also was too afraid of you getting hurt. I tried to be a good father, but i know i failed you.

Jaune: ...

Papa Arc: *sigh* When i learned you passed initiation, i should have jumped in joy, tell you i was proud... But instead, i just cut the bridge, trying to guilt trip you into coming back home.

Jaune: ...

Papa Arc: *gritting his teeth* If i had let you follow your dream, if i had trained you... *Tearing up* Would you still be silent or would you tell me all about your friends, as you always did when you came back from school? Would we be fishing at the river, like we used to!?

Jaune: ...

Papa Arc: *looking up at the cold statue covered in flower, its smile giving no warmth to the grieving father* Son... *Sobbing* I miss you so much...

[juanarc-thethird]

Just sext me when you get home.

Jaune: Alright is getting late. I need to get back to my room.I'll see you later.

Nora: Ok, just sext me when you get home safe.

Jaune: *Stops* What?

Nora: Just sext me when you're home.

Jaune:...

Jaune: You mean text you?

Nora: *Disappointed* Ugh... I guess.

Jaune: You wanted me to sext you?

Nora: Yeah, just a fat dick pic. Just a big fat dick pic so I know you made it home safe.

Jaune: *Disgusted* Can I just text you "I'm home safe"?

Nora: Could you? Yes. Should you? I'd rather big fat dick pic.

Jaune: Is there a reason you want my genitals sent to you?

Nora: Safety... you get in a huge car accident on the way home. Guy hit your car, you die. Then he starts going through your phone...

Jaune: What?

Nora:..texting all your contacts "I'm home safe, I'm home safe, I'm home safe." Big fat dick pic seals the deal.

Jaune: I'm just walking to my room! Also, can I just send you a selfie with my tongue out, thumbs up? That's pretty specific.

Nora: Okay, I like this. It's safe, it's reasonable.

Jaune: Yeah

Nora: Or... peace sign... eyes up like this *She makes a face*... Big fat dick in the pic.

Jaune: What the fuck?!

Nora: I've got the dick pic memorized! If I see it the dick I know is you!

Jaune: You know my face

Nora: It's AI!

Jaune: You know my face!

Nora: Could be AI nowadays!

Jaune: No! You know my face!

Nora: They don't know your dick like I do.

Jaune: Stop!

Nora: They don't have the intricacies down.

Jaune: How do you even know?!

Nora: Remember your pen pal in high school Rachel?

Jaune: Wait... Rachel Redford?

Nora; From the ocean...

Nora/Jaune:..to the sand.

Jaune: *Smiles* You got me there.

[superiorsturgeon]

Jaune: *walks into Arc family living room to confront his mother* Mom, we need to talk!

Pyrrha: *following behind Jaune*

Mama Arc: *folds her arms* 🤨

Jaune: I know you’re just trying to protect me, and I know it’s not what you wanted for me…

Jaune: But Pyrrha is my partner and she’s not going anywhere!

Pyrrha: Yeah! How do you like THAT?! 😜

Pyrrha: *immediately hides behind Jaune* 😣

Jaune: *slowly turns* …Pyr…we talked about not doing that… 😑

Mama Arc: Look, Jaune, I’m not trying to control you, but you’re just so young! You don’t know what kind of hurt you could be setting yourself up for! Fame and celebrity can destroy a relationship, and I don’t want you to have to go through that!

Pyrrha: 😥

Mama Arc: Pyrrha may be your partner now while you’re both in school, but once you’re out in the real world-

Jaune: Mom, that’s enough! 😠

Mama Arc: *pulled up short* 😦

Jaune: *straightens up* Pyrrha is strong, skilled, and the greatest huntress I’ve ever met! But she’s also the sweetest, kindest, most loving and caring person in the world…

Jaune: *turns and takes Pyrrha’s hand* I know that she’s a celebrity, and a lot of people expect a lot from her, so there’s going to be a lot of tough stuff for us to deal with, but we’re partners and we’re going to figure it out together!

Pyrrha: 😳

Jaune: *smiles at Pyrrha* …I’m the luckiest person ever to have her as my partner, and I want to spend the rest of my life trying to be the partner Pyrrha deserves! 🥰

Pyrrha: 🥹

Mama Arc: *puts her hands on her hips and steps closer* …well, it sounds like you’re all grown up and making decisions now, aren’t you, Jaune? You left home for the first time and suddenly my little boy knows what he wants for the rest of his life? 🤨

Mama Arc: *somehow looming over her much-taller son* Well, Jaune, you’ve said your piece, and now it’s time for you to listen to your mother! 😡

Jaune/Pyrrha: 😰

Mama Arc: …I’m proud of you, Jaune! 😌

Jaune:

Pyrrha:

Jaune: …wha…?

Mama Arc: I did everything I could to change your mind about combat school, becoming a huntsman, and dating Pyrrha, but you stuck to your guns and showed me how much your partner and becoming a huntsman mean to you!

Mama Arc: You two have my blessing, and if you’re really determined to make this relationship work, then you have your mother’s complete support.

Jaune: *sags in relief* Wow…! Mom, thank you so much! I can’t begin to- 😮‍💨

Mama Arc: AH-AH-AH!!! But remember, I will be watching you both! I expect you to buckle down and treat combat school and your relationship seriously!

Mama Arc: And if you do something stupid…

Mama Arc: …like get Pyrrha pregnant while you’re still in school…

Mama Arc: …then I will be there like lightning to drag you home by your ear! 😠

Pyrrha: …oh…then I guess this would be a bad time for…the NEWS…😖

Jaune: 😨

Mama Arc: 🤯

Pyrrha: …I’m kidding! I’m just so excited!! 😆

[razorblade180]

A Quiet Home

Jaune:*walks in* Hey, I’m back.

Weiss:*writing*….

Jaune:I umm, got some food. Saph said she always makes too much so-

Weiss:You should’ve turned it down. Your nephew is a growing boy.

Jaune:She wouldn’t have offered if she couldn’t help. How’s rent looking?

Weiss:Despite my colossal fuck up on the mission, it’s covered.

Jaune:Hey, what’s important is-

Weiss:Jaune, don’t patronize me. I screwed up, got my leg hurt, got the client hurt, and lost the target. *puts pen down* Thankfully I found another high paying one. It’s a three weeks long and I’m-

Jaune:Actually…I put in a request to take that mission too. Client said he’ll think it over.

Weiss:*turns around* Excuse me? You’re taking my job line ups? You went in the last two missions. It’s my turn to-

Jaune:You need a break.

Weiss:Tsk, not this shit again. I just had a break!

Jaune:Crunching bill numbers is not a break. Weiss, your head isn’t in the game, and that’s fine. After all, your mom…

Weiss: “My mom” nothing we aren’t talking about this. There’s nothing to talk about. She lived drunk and died drunk. Predictable ending.

Jaune:Weiss-

Weiss:Give me space! And cancel your request while you’re at it. You’re in no condition to go on another assignment so quickly.

Jaune:…I’m not letting you go on that mission.

Weiss:Sorry, you’re not letting me? *stands up* I don’t remember needing your approval.

Jaune:That’s not what I-

Weiss:No it was, or else you wouldn’t have applied for the same mission despite our agreement. I made one mistake and now it goes out the window?

Jaune:You’re angry.

Weiss:Of FUCKING course I’m angry! I’m trying to keep these lights on and not burden others while you’re bringing in leftovers and stopping my job!

Jaune:You’re not doing your job! You’re running away from your problems!

Weiss:Oh you’re one to talk! The only reason why you’re here is because moving back in with your folks would be too much to handle.

Jaune:I moved in with you because you needed a roommate! My girlfriend was cutoff and alone and I could help! All I’ve been doing is trying to help!

Weiss:I didn’t ask for your help! I was handling things just fine!

Jaune:You were struggling.

Weiss:AND I’M NOT NOW!? Does it make you feel a little better to say you tried. Can’t help but I want to fix things huh?

Jaune:That’s not fair.

Weiss:Oh now we want to be fair? After intentionally making my job harder? For someone who is “trying to help” it never really works out for you now does it!? Not for me not for P-

She immediately covered her mouth, scared and shocked from the venom that almost slipped past her lips; this carelessness was given back with a stare of contempt that ate at her.

Weiss:I-

Jaune:There was a never a second I thought you were broken, or needed to be fixed. Guess that was my fault. Looks like your father did a number on you after all.

Her blood went cold. Weiss’s cheeks began to burn red as her anger boiled over.

Weiss:And yours never cared to do a swing to begin with.

Jaune:Speaking from experience?

Weiss:Get. Out.

Jaune:….

Weiss:I SAID GET OUT! I DON’T NEED THIS FROM YOU! I DON’T NEED YOU!

Jaune:…Good, cause you don’t have me. Sell my stuff for all I care.

He reaches in his pocket and throws his key at her. Weiss catches on reflex before hearing a thunderous boom as Jaune slams the door on the way out that shakes the room and cause a picture to shatter. The room is deathly silent as Weiss stares at the door.

Weiss:F-FINE! RUN BACK TO YOUR FAMILY!

………..

Not knowing what to do, Weiss simply grabbed her broom to clean up the mess Jaune made. Glass was half hazardly swept aside as she picked up a broken frame holding a photo of her laughing with Jaune, their face covered with cake from their house party with a banner overhead.

“A year of memories and miracles”

Weiss’s hand began to tremble until the picture slipped from her fingers. A giant pit filled her stomach and threatened to gag her as her knees fell to floor and her hands covered a ghastly wail. Finally, her breath was robbed and tears broke through shaking eyes filled with dread over the reality that was flooding in. The miracles were gone, and the memories, now bittersweet.

[reashot]

Happy Halloween and Ruby's birthday.

Wolf Ruby: Rawr! Give me a treat or I will devour you. 🐺

Cowboy Jaune: Like my pardner said. Open up the safe and give us the candies.

Guy: Aren't you two too old to be trick or treating?

Ruby: You are never too old for trick or treating. 🍬

Guy: Okay fine, just take one from the bowl.

Jaune: Thanks mister. *Takes one*

Ruby: Yoink! *Takes a handful of candy* 🍭

Run away Jaune!

Guy: Hey get back here with my candy you darn kids!

A few Blocks later...

Ruby: Hah, hah... We sure gave him the ol' Lancaster slip. 😇

Jaune: Lancaster what?

Ruby: You know, Lancaster? The WW2 RAF Avro Lancaster bomber plane. The bomber that flew in over 150k sorties and sunk the battleship Tirpitz. 🤓

Jaune: Okay, okay. You don't have to tell me the whole Wiki page...

So you want to end it early and go back home?

Ruby: What. No! My bag is still not heavy from trick or treating. I refuse to go home until my bag is engorged with the sugary goodness. 😡

Jaune: Well I tell you what if we go back home I will give you something sweet tonight. It's your birthday after all.

Ruby: Oh Jaune does that mean you will finally let me do it. 😍

Jaune: Yes Ruby I will let you do it this time...

Ruby: Yippee. Last one to get back home is a rotten egg. 😉

*zips*

Jaune: ... I will finally let you put froot loops on your pancakes.

Wait I haven't finished explaining to her yet.

Oh well. I hope she doesn't mistake my offers to make her pancakes with something else.

It was later revealed that Ruby actually thought that Jaune wanted the same thing as her. Meaning she thinks that he wanted to "bone" her. Which is unfortunate because she was all dressed up rather scantily in hope that Jaune would do the thing she thought he promised.

Alas she was crestfallen from the revelation that Jaune never had any intention to "bone" her in the first place. Angered by this trickery Ruby rightfully pounced on Jaune and proceeded to give him a good dic... I mean, kissing.

Ruby: If I can't get my sweet then I will have you as my sweet. So give me a kiss, sugar. 😘

Jaune:

Happy Halloween everybody! 🎃👻

[notmaplemable]

Ruby: Hey Jaune, you wanna come play with me in my dorm~?

Jaune: Sorry, I got to study for that big test on Friday.

Ruby: But my team isn't home~.

Jaune: You can always study with me and my team if you want.

Ruby: ...Sure... just let me go get my books. *leaves*

Jaune: Okay, guess I'll text everyone and make sure they know Ruby is coming too.

Jaune: What in the- ...Hmm.

Jaune: "Achievement unlocked: deny a ride"?

[rwby-sk]

Cant help but think about an AU where Neo meets Ruby after running away from home, ends up going to Beacon, and then latching onto Jaune when he's nice to her.

If it's before Neo meets Roman, and she runs away instead of attending the Browning Preparatory School, that would have a lot of interesting shockwaves in her identity.

Neo wouldn't have her emblem, since that's stolen from the school. Neo wouldn't really have any lean towards crime besides shoplifting. And Hush was 100% Roman's gift, so Neo's new weapon would likely be something gifted by Ruby, which means a super complicated gun-thing.

Neo only wants freedom and adventure. So... Yang is probably her idol? Followed by Coco Adel.

Jaune starts out rough. But exactly like with Pyrrha, Jaune would treat Neo just like anyone else. And Neo is kind of desperate for friends.

Though admittedly Neo playing video games with Ruby, causing trouble with Yang, and being sophisticated judging poor people with Weiss would put her on a fast track for friends at early Beacon era.

Is it terrible if I say Jaune, Pyrrha, and Neo could date. And Pyrrha's death at The Fall of Beacon still makes both Jaune and Neo go full unhealthy self-destructive revenge mode. But they build off of each other so it'd be so much worse...

I wonder what memento Neo might take from Pyrrha. Maybe the circlet, like how she uses Roman's hat? Or Pyrrha's leg armor...

So anyway

Big fan!!!

[noneatnonedotcom]

actually gonna write a short scene for this one.

jaune didn't hate huntsmen, in fact he had a lot of respect for people willing to fight against grimm and criminals for what seemed like minor rewards.

he just wished they'd stop involving him in their bullshit.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO FIGHT DAMN IT!

build under the cut, the actual short story will be posted later

Murderous Brawler: (400) "Surrounded by a dozen ships of the line, hundreds of pirates pouring onto your flagship, your crew dying in droves around you? You’ve never felt the blood pump harder in your ears nor moved with such lethal speed. They think they’re going to easily win but they don’t yet realise that the worse off you are, the deadlier you become.

Already, you’ve been made one of the most dangerous men or women on the seven seas with a blade or gun or both. Firing through a captain’s eye from half a mile away in the middle of a ship battle as a hurricane rages above? You barely had to aim.

Ten expert duelists surrounding you from all angles, as you wield naught but a short sword? They’ll be mewling on the ground, clutching fatal wounds in less than a minute!

The chaos of battle only benefits you, hardly hindering your awareness of your surroundings and revealing to you all the ways to take advantage.

Makeshift weapons leap out to your sight, the crush of crowded bodies limiting only your opponents agility and errant fire from surrounding battles is easy to misdirect into your enemy.

Most potent of all, you find yourself moving with greater power, speed and skill the worse the battle is going for your side. The greater you are disavantaged, the more damaging your own returning fire.

Both you and the ship you command find this benefit, allowing you to tear your way through overwhelming odds and escape, or even manage to win battles that by all rights you should have died miserably in.

A cornered pirate is no different than a cornered rat, they’re just at their nastiest and most violent point. "

Lord of War: (600) "In the end there is always one rule that holds true in worlds such as these might makes right.

Regardless of your position or talents, power in the end is the deciding factor when dealing with conflicts here.

This perk won’t increase your cultivation, but it will make you a true lord of war. You possess truly frightening combat prowess. Even if you only possessed an average technique you would easily be capable of fighting off and killing multiple beings a level higher than you.

Should you actually have the techniques and cultivation to back up your wrath then few if any in this world could stand against you in combat."

in this au jaune's semblance manifests as an uncanny ability to always win any fight he gets into. but he never notices. murderous brawler shifts the odds in his favor making him a match or even better than the dangers put against him, but it's his lord of war mixed with it that puts him well over the top of any enemy he faces all while staying within human bounds. to outside observers it looks like he's just that skilled in combat, but to jaune it's all bullshit luck and adrenaline.

jaune became a sailor after he left home, not wanting to deal with the dangers of being a huntsman sailing the world and getting some experience under his belt he returned to vale to visit family and maybe catch the vital festival in a few months. but his exploration of the big city ends with him wandering into a bar fight with yang and ruby's fight with roman. in both he aquits himself well in the eyes of the girls but jaune was mainly just scared out of his mind and trying to hit the guys so they stop trying to shoot him.

to the girls it looks like this veteran sailor is just calmly taking down enemies without effort. to jaune it's bullshit situations he's being dragged into without his consent that he's only just barely able to survive via bullshit luck. and he knows it can't last.

think caiaphis cain, or jackie chan. and as he keeps getting drawn into these situations he keeps winding up against more and more dangerous foes and no one belives him when he tells them he doesn't have aura or magic or anything like that!

he just wants to go back to the sea, things made sense there.

@heliosthegriffin @howlingday @weatherman667

this build can be used for any character obviously. or any setting. the only rule is that they have to have imposter syndrome about it.

so who will you have suffer from success? what character do you think would be fun to write an action comedy story about? and how would their existence effect the universe?

[arc-misadventures]

Are You Writing This Down?

Blake: Hey, Jaune, I have a question for you.

Jaune: Shoot.

Blake: Would you... if given the opportunity... in a hypothetical scenario! Would you... sleep with my mom...

Jaune: ...

Jaune: Whaaa?

Blake: It's just... since I brought everyone to my home, and they've met my mother... Well, they've been acting... horny...

Jaune: Huh?

Blake: Well, when, Weiss met my mom, she sorta latched on to her as a positive mother figure.

Jaune: Makes sense, despite her reasoning, Willow wasn't able to be that good of a mother.

Blake: Nora latched on to, Mom in an attempt to fill in the gap in her from missing a motherly figure in her life.

Jaune: Oh, that may be good for her. Might calm her down. By a thousandth...

Blake: Ruby is also doing something similar. She misses her mom too...

Jaune: That's... understandable... What about, Yang?

Blake: Ughh! She keeps making jokes at me about becoming my stepmom!

Jaune: That's a shocker... Bar, Nora, the rest of my teammates aren't giving you trouble?

Blake: No. Ren has been absolutely respectful, and kind to my mother. And, Pyrrha is such a sweet when talking with her.

Jaune: Good on them.

Jaune: But, why are you asking if I would sleep with, Kali?

Blake: I know, Yang is only joking around. And, I know what, Ren's semblance does to his... libido. But you!

Jaune: Me?

Blake: You're a fit, muscular, a strong, viral young man... a human! I mean... if anyone is going to seduce my mom... It's going to be you!

Jaune: Thank you?

Blake: So, please, Jaune... Tell me the truth... in a hypothetical scenario! Would you sleep with my mom?

Jaune: Yes.

Blake: You would.

Jaune: Because, I already did.

Blake: You WHAT?!

~~~

Jaune: Haa... Man I need a bath... I really worked up a sweat helping out everyone in town... Now then... They use, Mistalian baths here in, Menagerie. That means I have to wash myself, then I can go into the bath... okay.

Jaune: Hmm hmm hmm~!

(Splash!)

Jaune: Okay... I hit the bath now, right?

: Ara ara~!

: You missed a spot. Please allow to wash your back, Jaune~!

Jaune: OH? Why thank you, Miss Bell... Ghack?!

Kali: Is something wrong~?

Jaune: Kali?! Y-Y-Your wearing nothing, but a towel?!

Kali: Well how else am I supposed to take a bath?

Jaune: Well... how about with me not in the same room?!

Kali: Oh, Jaune~!

(Thump~!)

Jaune: Eep?!

Kali: We both know that's not where this story is going~!

Jaune: I-It isn't?

Kali: Well? Are you going to touch them, and make this kitty purr, or what~?

Jaune: ...

Jaune: N-No one hears of this!

Kali: That's not going to happen, Jaune~!

Jaune: W-Why not?!

Kali: Because, Jaune... I'm a screamer~!

Jaune: ...

Jaune: Oh...

~~~

Jaune: So honestly, I'm surprised you didn't already know we did it, based on, Nora, and Yang's shit eating grins they knew...

Blake: No, not at all... But, what happened after my, Mom told you she was a screamer.

Jaune: Why do you want...? Wait...? Are you writing this down?!

Blake: Yeah. A young stud human seducing a milf cat faunas? Why wouldn't I write this doen?

Jaune: What the fuck?!

[rachetmath]

Nora's Plan B

Hey Nora.

Nora: Sup Em, whicha want?

Emerald: Say if Ren doesn’t work out would you date Jaune?

Nora: Yes.

Emerald: What?

Ruby: What?

Weiss: What?

Nora: What? Is that a big deal?

Emerald: Explain.

Nora: I mean I call Jaune a fearless leader for a reason.

Weiss: But Cardin-

Nora: Let’s break it down. Jaune let Cardin get away with what he did was because of his transcripts however that’s also because Jaune was used to situations like because no one has ever helped him with that. Think about it, how many friends Jaune had before Beacon?

Ruby: Hm.

Nora: Plus the moment Cardin threatened Pyrrha his attitude took a whole 180. Shoot after the Ursa he was ready to fight Cardin again.

Ruby and Weiss: Yeah, she’s not wrong.

Nora: Next, Cinder would have to watch Jaune’s progression in order to set up a good team for us to fight. Didn’t she?

Emerald: Yeah.

Nora: And Jaune stood up for Pyrrha when everybody was laying pressure on her. That’s something.

RWE: True.

Ruby: But Nora sometimes Jaune-

Nora: Hold on, yeah, Jaune has his hissy fits but then again, don’t we all grieve differently. Plus Ruby, Qrow waited until we were attacked by Salem’s forces to explain everything. Instead, he could have just told us from the start. He was doing unnecessary things. So yeah Jaune has every right to be mad. I say Qrow should have counted his blessings that Jaune was willing to help him at all if you weren’t around. Or Jaune kills him by his own hands.

Ruby: Oh.

Weiss: But then he- Oscar-

Nora: With Oscar, Jaune admitted he overreacted with him. But, again, understandble. We grieve at our own pace. And I mean seriously Ozpin hadyears to stop Salem and he hasn’t done it. Ozpin might as well be just as bad as Salem.  Also if you have not noticed back in Argus the moment he pushed Oscar to the wall none of us were ready. Remember how  Yang looked?

RW: 

Nora: That was fear. I will say that takes points away for being attractive but it also shows he has a breaking point. Which for most people needs to be avoided cause someone could end up dead. But again Jaune proves he has control of his emotions by letting Oscar go.

Yang: Yeah she’s not wrong. 

Ruby: Yang how-

Yang: Stay on topic. Look I’m cool with Ren and you know I- I understood why he was upset but the moment he realized his tone with Jaune-

Yang: He knew. He knew he f**** up but then Jaune’s response- Oh my god.

Yang: He maintained his composure. His behavior proves he learned from Argus with Oscar. He still was willing to talk with him.

Yang: If that’s not maturity then I don’t know what is. Just saying. 

Ruby: But Jaune in the Ever After was-

Yang: Okay let’s compare. Ren was upset about Atlas and Mantle. Instead of being upset about it and following orders, what else has he done to fix anything? Nothing. And when he finally expressed himself it was after Oscar got kidnapped. And we were stranded in the middle of miles in snow with no food or transportation. Meanwhile, leaving those thousands of people to die.

Me: But didn’t you start it?

Yang: Doesn’t matter.

Me: Yes it-

Yang: Shut up. And in the Ever After Ruby…. …. We were there for a day and we made Little homeless. Robbed the knights. Almost died playing a game of chess with a spoiled brat. Fought our inner demons. And destroyed a city market with people in it to save ourselves from Neo. In one day mind you we did all of that.

Ruby: Holy-

Yang: Now with Jaune he wasn’t dismissing our problem but we were contemplating at the wrong time. 

Yang: Mainly because a storm came.

Yang: He then brought us to his home.

Yang: And let's recall he was waiting for us. Something he didn’t have to do. At all.  And what did we do? Judge the man for taking care of a bunch of children who want to die.

Yang: Then we brought Neo to him.

Yang: And Ruby -

Ruby: No further comments.

Yang: And Ratchet.

Me: *sigh* Okay. Fine. If you have seen my list of Jaune ships or seen any of my post on Ren and Nora., my outlook on them is not good. But after thinking about the reason I hate Nora, I steadily realized, ‘man, what I am saying, she’s better than Sakura.” She doesn’t physically or mentally abuse Jaune like Sakura does to Naruto. And unlike the other besides Pyrrha she’s consistent with Jaune. So I'll admit I was petty with her in volume seven and eight. I can see Nora’s Arc happening.

Nora: Thank you. Anyways Emerald I would date Jaune as my plan B. Especially if Ren and I don’t recover from Atlas.

Emerald: Well damn. Too bad you got competition.

Nora: *laugh*

RWE: *shocked*

Nora: Let them come. But remember, team JNPR. And team JNRO. And team RNJR.

Weiss: What is that- oh my god.

Nora: That’s right. I’m number two. I’m the second. I’m always beside Jaune. Not Pyrrha. Not Ren. Me. He’s the leader. But the queen of the motherf***ing castle. Bye ladies. *leaves*

Yang: Damn.

Weiss: Oh no, I better act fast.

Ruby: I need Ren to clean up his mess quickly.

Emerald: She most definitely

[howlingday]

Whitley: (Just finished a rant, Panting)

Willow: ...I'm leaving. (Stands)

Jaune: (Smashes fist on table) HEY! Your son just spilled his guts out to you, so be a good mom and help him sort 'em out and put 'em back in! I dunno how you Schnees treat your kids, but in MY home, all kids have all of their thoughts heard, no matter how insignificant they may think they are! Even if I should be more worried about this spectre of my dead partner is making my backbone tingle...

Pyrrha: (Whispers) You should get this checked...

Willow: (Sits, Sighs) ...Whitley, you are an obnoxious, selfish, narcissistic, possibly an alcoholic, and your own worst enemy.

Whitley: Thank you, Mother. I appreciate you applying possibly to alcoholic.

Willow: But Mr. Arc is right. You are my son, and I should support you now more than I ever could have before. It's why I agreed to hear your business proposal. It's why I'll be there for all of my children. Now, I don't exactly know what a... barrista training academy is, but I will try.

Whitley: (Smiles)

Willow: I will meet you in the presentation room, where you'll tell me everything I've missed since you went off on your own.

Willow: But before that... Jaune Arc... You are among the most assertive, loving, sensitive beast of a man I've ever met and I've never been more aroused than I am right now! And you are wearing too many clothes for me to explain further, so I want you to take a hot shower, put on a late 90s R&B album and meet me in your room in 4 and a half minutes. Also... The brooch and collar stay on~.

Willow: (Stands) Boys... (Leaves)

Whitley: Mr. A- Excuse me. Jaune, that was the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me.

Jaune: Whitley, Willow is an intimidating Ursa of a woman who terrifies me, but that doesn't mean I won't stand up to take the heat for you. As far as I'm concerned, we're family. Now, with that being said... (Stands, Walks to Whitley) I'M GONNA GO FUCK YOUR MOM. (Leaves)

[howi99]

King of Teachers Au: Did Jaune get different advice from his parents on how to ask someone out?

He did, actually and not only his parents, but his cousins and sisters too.

Jeanne: *hugging her "big" bro* Don't worry Jaune, i'm sure someone will want to marry you!

Jaune: ... *Sigh* I know you are trying to encourage me, but that kinda came out as if you thought i had no chance in the first place.

Mordred: *sharpening her sword* I mean, no offense but you're kind of the runt of the family-

Jaune: *deadpan* Big word coming from the mouth of the eternal bachelor of the family.

Mordred: WHAT WAS THAT, PUNK?!

Jaune: *crossing his arms* I mean, when's the last time you brought ANYONE home? ... *Pensive* Wait, actually... Did you ever bring anyone home?

Jeanne: Same, i don't even remember her bringing a friend over-

Mordred: *Blushing from embarrassment* HEY! STOP HITTING ME WHERE IT HURTS THE MOST!!! *Pouting* Not my fault if everyone's too weak to play with me...

_ _ _

Artoria: Dating advice? *Point at herself* From me?

Jaune: *deadpan* You honestly think dad has better advice?

Artoria: Touché. *pensive* Well... Girls love guys who can cook, protect them, cook, are good with kids, cook, can fix stuff-

Jaune: *rolling his eyes* You are describing dad!

Artoria: *smile* And you! *Shuffle, Blushing slightly* By the way, could you-

Jaune: Dinner is in two hours! You'll wait like everyone else!

Artoria: Darn it!

_ _ _

Jaune: *sigh, looking up at the sky* Why is everyone in my family bad at dating?

Gareth: ... *Goes to speak*

Jaune: *not even looking at her* You tried dating your teacher; you are probably the worst example to follow.

Gareth: *Crimson from embarrassment* ... I didn't try dating Lancelot... And he's already married...

_ _ _

Jaune: *fishing with Merlin* Is it a curse? Or simply genetic?

Merlin: You are asking me, a man who has stayed single for millennia, for dating advice. *Chuckle* Honestly? Probably just a little bit of idiocy.

Jaune: *reeling up a brook trout from the river* That's fair.

Merlin: *reeling back a boot* Really? Again?

Jaune: *shrug* Add it to the pile; one day we'll have a pair.

_ _ _

Gilgamesh: *flower in hands* Behold how a true king court a woman-

Jaune: *unimpressed* You got rejected by my mom in three different timelines and that's without taking into account fate Zero; you have NO right to give me dating advice.

Gilgamesh: *frown* You insolent mongrel! Be glad that i, Gilgamesh-

Jaune: ... *Turning towards the house* Ma! Gilgamesh isn't respecting the restraining order!

Artoria: *slowly leaving the house, her lance in hand, a murderous light in her eyes*

Gilgamesh: *gulp* -will leave you alone for today! *Start running*

Artoria: *running after him* COME BACK HERE, YOU FUCKTWAT! I'LL RIP YOUR DICK OFF AND SEND IT TO YOUR BOYFRIEND AS AN APOLOGY!

Gilgamesh: *in the distance* WHY CAN'T I USE GATES OF BABYLON IN THIS WORLD!? IT'S UNFAIR!!!

Artoria: *activating her "Semblance"* Oh holy spear, removing anchor... Thrust and feast! Thirteen fangs! RHONGOMYNIAD!!!

Gilgamesh: *scream*

Jaune: ... *Look at the bushes* You know i can see the camera sticking out, right?

Medea: *hiding in said bushes* ... Please don't out me, i can't run as fast as him.

Jaune: ... Have any dating advice?

Medea: ... Don't fall for an asshole that will betray you?

Jaune: *sigh* Best advice yet... *Point to a tree* Go there; it's technically far enough from the property so that your restraining order doesn't become a problem, while also giving you a better angle for the kitchen.

Medea: But... That's where she's staying most of the time! Why?!

Jaune: A gift, for being the most useful today... *Frown* And to piss off that guy.

[juanarc-thethird]

Jaune runs back home upon receiving some good news.

Jaune: Mom! Dad! I have something to tell you!

As he enters the living room, he sees his mom sitting on the big couch while his dad is sitting on his armchair. His mom looks worried while his dad looks upset.

Jaune: Did something happen?

Papa Arc: We need to talk about your future.

Jaune: *Smiling* I'm glad you say that. You see, dad, I was...

Papa Arc: Be quiet.

Jaune: *Confuse* Ok

Papa Arc: How long will you continue like this?

Jaune: Like what?

Papa Arc: Being so irresponsible! Undisciplined! Immature! Do you even want to do anything with your life?

Jaune: Dad, I..!

Papa Arc: I don't want to hear your excuses! My friend's son Maximilian was accepted into Atlas Academy with a full scholarship! And what have you done? Nothing! You just sit there with your comics, playing video games. Doing nothing with your life. When will you get your act together and start working for something?!

Jaune:...

Papa Arc: Answer me!

Jaune takes out some documents and places them in front of him on the living room table.

Jaune: I was accepted to Beacon Academy on a half scholarship.

His father looks at the documents, seeing that he was indeed accepted.

Jaune: That's what I wanted to tell you,… well before all this.

Papa Arc: Son... I

Jaune: I'll go ride my bike for a while.

Without looking back, Jaune gets on his bike and heads as far away from his house as he can.